#posting everywhere else feels bad rn u get all of this

[gaybravado]

Julian's mentor (the original Fool) died after having a vision, so they're always afraid to have one.

#julian r #sketch #original #hope you don't mind all the sketch posts #posting everywhere else feels bad rn u get all of this #to the person who said 'i want them to drink sriracha' i think about your tag all the time

[aubeystawby]

Hey I’m not fully back to reply to your two posts about the autistic reader in atsv I’m still busy with irl stuff but I had a tiny thought about a reader from spider society who has 1) hypersensitivity to stimuli or 2) hyposensitivity to stimuli and how it affects them as a spider.

Imagine hypersensitive spider reader has an equally sensitive spidey sense, like it goes off more strongly/ more often because they’re hypersensitive.

And imagine hyposensitive spider reader has a less sensitive spidey sense, like they barely feel it or it barely appears.

These are just concepts tell me what you thibk -moon

Happy to see you around again :D And dw totally take your time & take care of yourself, I don't mind at all!!

This is making me think about how stimulating the spider-society headquarters must actually be, because there's so many people and lots of technology/devices/etc everywhere. So there's bound to be lots of noise and stimuli.

For a hypersensitive spider reader's spider-sense: I feel like there's a possibility of it going off too much sometimes? especially when theres alot of stimuli around. like they might get a bad feeling or something resembling the feeling they get when their spider-sense goes off but someone has to be like "i think you're just overstimulated actually...".

There's also kinda the other side where it could be something like their spider-sense detecting more/going off more regularly because it 'registers' smaller things that other spider-people's senses would notice/pick up on bc reader is hypersensitive! which could lead to something like mentioned above where someone is like "dw nothing's wrong maybe everything's just a bit too loud/bright/etc for u rn" and then a moment later something bad happens and theyre like ".. ohhh"

as for a hyposensitive spider reader's spider-sense, and correct me if I'm wrong but I've heard that Miguel doesn't have a spider-sense? Not sure if this is just a comic book version of him thing or something else but i've heard this alot — and i think it kinda opens a sort of bonding opportunity for him and a hyposensitive spider reader

like in situations where reader's spider-sense doesn't go off/they don't notice it they'd be in the same boat. Though then I'd imagine this means Miguel and reader probably can't go on missions alone together for safety reasons lol

I'm imagining also maybe a hyposensitive reader's first experience with their spider-sense and kinda being thrown off by the like sudden 'jolt' of it? I'm torn between that or them not being able to recognise that it's their 'spider-sense', i feel like both are plausible

#i wrote this response after writing like three oneshots and getting a sudden burst of inspiration! #something about this is just so fun to talk about!! #also hope youre doing well moon :D have a nice day/night!!! #anon; moon #itsv x reader #into the spider verse x reader #atsv x reader #across the spider verse x reader #spiderverse x reader #miguel o'hara x reader #╰─ask.txt─╯

[blee-bleep]

Hello, I’m fairly new (you have a lot of talent, you make wonderful art) but I just saw your post about your grandma. I’m very sorry for your loss. Grief is a very difficult thing and can be very confusing when you lose someone you had a bad relationship with. I was once in such a situation too. I don’t know how it was with your grandma, but I hated that person so much. And when they left… I missed them and I didn’t understand why. After all the things they did… after everything they caused… I still cared about them. I even felt guilty. How could I care about someone like that? I used to get angry at myself every time I grieved, every time I cried. Don’t make my mistake. When we lose someone, no matter how they influenced our lives, there’s an impact. After all, they were still a part of my life, a part of my world. They were a loved one. A member of my family. It changes a lot. And after all, I knew deep down, they still had some good in their heart. After everything… they didn’t deserve to die. And maybe, the thing I missed most was the relationship I wished I had with them.

It was very hard for me to move on. To let go. And I think this is mostly because I didn’t understand that I needed to forgive them. I kept holding on to this pent up feeling of hatred. This anger. But I should have forgiven them for everything they had done. Because forgiveness doesn’t excuse their behaviour. It most certainly doesn’t justify it. It doesn’t mean what they did was okay. Forgiveness is taking the knife out of your own back and not using it to hurt anyone else. Forgive them not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace. You deserve to be able to let go. Forgiveness prevents their behaviour from destroying your heart. If you haven’t already, I think you should think about this.

And in the end, we shouldn’t see death as a bad thing, as when someone passes away, it creates another beautiful life. Like flowers dying in the winter, making place for beautiful flowers to blossom in the spring. That is, the merry-go-round of life. 

I hope you have someone to help you through these difficult times. And remind yourself that it is okay to grieve. It just shows that you have a good heart. I don’t know how it is for you right now but I hope I helped at least a little bit. Take care!

Oh and, life has many different chapters. Don’t let one bad chapter close the book.

-Sorry for the long text and all-

Thank you for this ask. i rlly needed to read it, especially abt the knife metaphor. I didnt live with my grandma as close as my other family members were but I still grew up with her, and her image is everywhere in my family (literally, my grandpa's genes are basically nonexistent). so its really hard to process how to grieve for someone you had a bad relationship with. her death esp impacted my parents and aunts, and there's a certain tension between them now.

for me, Im still learning to forgive and learn how to live without her, but rn its the guilt of not building a happier relationship with her im angry about because after all this time, she is still my grandma. this doesnt mean it justifies the horrible shit she said and done (and shes over 90!), but i feel like i can't make peace with myself when we heard that she finally passed. so thank u for your reassurance through this message. grief is truly hard

[mintkookiess]

i have a small ramble ab “it’s always been her” you don’t need to read it i just needed to get it out cause the possibilities are endless 😭

i’m honestly a sucker for bettering yourself so after she leaves like maybe a couple months of healing, she’s literally glowing now. she’s thriving, she’s living her best life, and holy shit! she just got a promotion that upped her pay by a shit ton. so now she’s rich, a bit happier, and her skin? clear. her new apartment? plants everywhere because goddamnit if i can mother a man child that can’t figure out his damn emotions i can mother a plant.

she now is the vibe and has became an “it” girl. she’s the embodiment of the feeling of getting a compliment from another girl in a club/bar bathroom cause we all know that feels the best lol

a little down the line, she meets a stranger or even better, bumps into that one high school partner that always treated her right it just didn’t work out at the time cause of whatever reason, they were young and that’s okay.

they start talking again, and the posts on social media start going. small anonymous posts like just his hands, starting to post the cute dates where he holds her with tenderness you feel through the screen, then him wearing the white shirt with y/n’s lipstick on the collar (miles old favourite shade), and finally a cute tiktok/reel pops up and the mystery man finally shows his face and miles still being in love with her, realized it’s an old friend or someone they both went to HS with(i’m imagining hobie while this is being written but anyone really).

that’s a blow to his ego, watching someone he still loves thrive with someone else and now he’s facing the consequences of his actions. if we go for gwen too because she knew, at least it seems like she knew, that he was with a good person, she gets to experience was y/n felt. the longing for someone else, the unconscious yearning, the insecurity of not measuring up to someone else, she sees he still follows y/n on his spam, it took him four months to take down her photos on his main page even though y/n didn’t waste a second. she gets to feel all the secondhand embarrassment she put our girl through but cheaters (emotional or physical) and home wreckers don’t deserve a happy ending.

be petty, give a wedding invitation to the two while they struggle to be happy.

okay it’s all out🫡 thanks for that! it hurt really bad!! (in a good way i promise)

HOLY SHIT HOL ON U REALLY DIDNT HOLD BACK BABE AHAHAHAHHAAH

the "if i can mother a man child that can’t figure out his damn emotions i can mother a plant." SENT MEEEE

AND THE LIPSTICK SHADE SHIT ??? miles punching the air rn

goddamn

this right here, that's the part 2 HAHAHAHAHAHA

#the miles slander #big fuck u to cheaters #I DIDNT EVEN NEED TO WRITE A PART 2 U WROTE IT FOR ME <3 #cause y/n slays

[vvanessaives]

i have the brain worms bc of that post yesterday and now i can't stop thinking of ves/nix wedding so

they are going to steal the wedding dress. fenix is like i want my baby to look beautiful :)) and vesper is like i don't even like dresses. so they show up to some kind of fancy shop, fenix sees the price tags and needs to sit down. decision was made that they are going to steal all their wedding clothes.

wedding favors and confetti are A MUST. FENIX WANTS the few little guests they have to receive a little gift world be all dammed. i have no idea how confetti are called in english and its probably impossible they would find those little confections anywhere so they will need to switch to anything else, a little smth sweet for the good wishing. favors are another problem, what should they offer? i absolutely want that to be smth funny, smth ugly too, the thing i wish for isn't coming to me rn so i'll need to think more about but i just know it needs to be trash

also just bc it's extremely funny: serenade tradition. just fenix + daniel & nader singing terribly some kind of romantic song to vesper but ofc they are so bad at that. vesper wants to disappear and die

i mentioned italian wedding meals in that post. buffet / two primi / two secondi / fruit / cake. all of this from 2pm to fucking 11pm even. since they have so little guests it's not a big deal and nader's mom can cook perfectly well so she will care about that. ves & nix fighting over what they are going to eat, nix wants risotto with seafood (so true bestie me too) ves doesn't like seafood and she wants smth like fuckin carbonara. nix is losing his mind bc YOU DON'T GET IT I'M SOUTHERN ITALIAN A WEDDING WITHOUT FISH IS AN INSULT. so true bestie 2.0. thank god there are 2 choices...

tradition would want that the mothers would take care of things like bridal trousseaus, buy the bouquet and the veil for the bride and so on so forth but ofc...we don't have them here. generally it's missing that sweet little gestures of family going "i will buy this for your wedding" so daniel & company will do their best to take that role

also i said panam is the bridesmaid and daniel is the best man and lore wants that these two are the ones that should give THE BIGGEST gift to the newlyweds. panam gets away with it easily and gifts smth sweet, smth her and ves share memories about even. daniel is losing his mind. he's like WHAT THE FUCK i'm supposed to gift to these fuckers i am BROKE. and he probably thinks to give them like...a coffee machine? and he's thinks he got away with it until nader tells him he bought a car for them (hes lying to mess with daniel) and daniel loses his mind again

first dance as married couple....sobbing my eyes out on this one, probably vesper would scream at all the guests to turn around and don't look at them bc she's embarrassed. song is going to be almeno tu nell'universo by mia martini bc i have the power here and bc song is 1. beautiful 2. words feel like a wedding vow itself. "you know, people are weird / first they hate each other and then they fall in love" (<screaming ves/nix a lot here and it's literally the first words of the song) "you, you who are different / at least you in the universe / you will not change / tell me that you will always be sincere / and that you will really love me". literally no english word can express the raw emotion this song has it makes me lose it

also first dance with ur parents..we don't have this one either. daniel is going to dance with vesper like he is their dad and i'm not crying this is just sweat i swear. that would be embarrassing so they are probably just messing around but it's a sweet moment

my fave thing ever: when you get married here you get on your car and go honking everywhere in the city, just loudly making noise sometimes with some of your friends following u and doing the same thing. universal italian signal that someone got married. i'm making them do this too who cares. imagine the damn mess they would make, i love this

so many brain worms i have i think i'll just write this fic FUCK

#rena.txt #i'm like planning an italian wedding this has me euphoric AKDJSKDK and i didnt even get to the part of the ceremony itself...GOD I NEED TO #WRITE THIS FIC I ABSOLUTELY NEED TO. HEALING.

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

the person talking abt how they have to hide being queer from their family just like same that hit home so hard, and also same to learning so much abt queer history I started learning from harry and louis (through the bears bc of course, duh) and I took up reading the books rbb and sbb hv had on them and hv been mentioned (judy garland!!) anyway so I learnt sooo much more than like I knew existed? idk if that makes sense and it also made me realise that i hv a lot of internalised homophobia and it does feel incredibly lonely sometimes, because I hv no friends that are out and proud and the group of ppl at my school who are, are so nice and friendly and polite and i love talking to them in the hallways or in class when we get paired up but im so scared of like actually integrating myself into their crowd (the one time i tired to attend a meeting I had a panic attack in the bathroom) and i dont know why im telling u all this

and I dont think ppl fully understand what its like everywhere else in the world because im never going to forget this one time at a party where a girl and her girlfriend got shouted and leered at by all those boys (and their girlfriends who just let it happen, I've literally heard one of those girls talk abt how amazing it is to have a gay best friend) and how when one of them responded back by telling them off for their disgusting behaviour the boys physically started approaching them in a threatening manner

theres also these rumours that circulate sometimes abt why some ppl arent coming to school for days at a time and when they do finally show up they're slightly bruised and its bc [insert person] did smth to them and so many ppl will just casually throw into the conversation their sexuality, like everyone will be talking abt what happened and what they heard and some random dumbass will quip "I heard they're gay" and they'll whisper it, like its forbidden or smth and everyone will nod their heads like yes I understand now, like it fucking makes sense that this happened and it makes me want to punch someone

and its so fucking scary to think abt how these things just happen and ppl pretend they dont see it and everytime someone tells me i can trust an adult i think of the 3 teachers who all passed by a student who was very rainbow (it was pride month) and watched some dude basically bang his shoulder into him and the dude laughed and walked away when the guy in rainbow tripped and they did nothing

and online I see so many ppl talk abt how its ok to be gay in all these big cities and how everyone so open now! and everythigns ok! and yay to gay! gay ppl are privileged! fucking bullshit I say

because all these memories of horrific things come to mind evertyime someone says that and I dont know where ppl are getting the idea its ok everywhere now

and the first time I heard a group of ppl talk abt harry styles in a dress on the cover of vogue i got so excited bc i had secretly gone out and bought my younger brother (he likes to wear dresses and nail polish) a copy and how I had done that so damn discreetly and how damn hard it was to get it to him through my parents to him, it was so exciting and we were !!! jumping for joy and the next day at school some girl by the lockers and she called him queer like it was an insult and that got so deep in my soul and its still there, the way she said it, the way she phrased it

and im sorry this is so long ik that persons post wasnt even abt how ppl say thats 'its cool to be gay now' and that it still very much isnt but it got that out of me and u dont hv to read all this im just having a bad day im sorry :((

i hope u hv a good day tho ella u're lovely and v kind nd u make me happier and i love reading ur thoughts and I'll stop typing now <3

kind anon!! i wanna hug you so tight!!!!!

i'm so sorry you're in a place rn where you don't feel safe, where you aren't safe, where people around you are actively hostile. truly truly sorry.

you're right, the world has not caught up at all, it's a nonexistent reality that being queer has been accepted, let alone embraced everywhere. hell, i live in brussels and if i hold a girl's hand we're gaped at. when i first wore my pride pin on my bag i was terrified. when i lived in my smaller town growing up it was very much like how you describe it (tho less violent, thankfully, which really breaks my heart to read about your situation).

it can be a lonely place to grow up, and really hateful, and you saying you have a lot of internalised homophobia also hits home for me. i'm still unlearning every day. it's all the hostility surrounding us that makes us conform so as not to be the target of it, yk. nothing to ever be ashamed of, bc it's not our fault we were raised to hate ourselves.

same with the queer ppl in your neighborhood, don't be ashamed of being afraid. take your time, go at your own pace, and slowly take some steps towards them. it'll be worth your while, but i know it can be scary. be kind to yourself above all <3

you sound like a wonderful sibling to your brother - goes to show how we'll always find a way to stick together and find our role models, despite the limits others put up!!

stay queer (laudatory), baby!!!

#kind anon

[frogtanii]

It’s wind anon! (Imagine me as the screeching seagull meme) just pushing through the week. Getting the test out of my mind—it just sucks because there’s always this one test that I completely mess up on—and as someone who has to deal with all honors classes and my grades tend to be good, every time I fail to meet up to expectations my stress skyrockets. (Imagine a world where grades don’t matter and school is learning based rather than mark based...) Family pressures too—okay, wind anon is done ranting.

The update! The drama—I was there the moment it updated and I saw the comments rush in and I was laughing real hard.

But my reaction to the update!

Osamu POV :0!!! The insecurity... “all it did was remind him that he was alone”— I empathize because gosh, that is so real.

The attachment to Meiko though... his emotional state is on a very unstable tightrope. “Osamu had Meiko and he used to have Daichi and Iwaizumi...” that entire section has all my red flags raised. He’s going to completely break when everything comes out.

The loud clang startled me though. I was like “!!!” But it was our YN! Our kind, wonderful YN!! Trying to get snacks wwwwww.

Osamu thinking YN is cute :0 I be having a lot of thoughts about that but him squishing it down is fair. He considers himself to be in a committed relationship (though Meiko does not reciprocate and I am ready to fight regarding that) but I can respect his devotion (even if it is very misguided).

But. “After all, you were the reason Atsumu hated him now and never spoke to him anymore.” My gosh. What do I even say about this? Because the blame is entirely thrown off. I mean, you mentioned before Atsumu had a specific reason for believing in you over Meiko so I’m still waiting for that but Osamu is thinking something wrong but it’s a human action. It’s so easy to blame people to make yourself feel better. And your brain can do it without you realizing the depths of what has been thought.

Osamu being angry (!!!) and being a complete utter douche. YN literally just wanted a bag of chips and you’re here, crowding them in the pantry and being hostile. I don’t have much to say about it because he realized his mistake but by then he already stressed YN really badly and I am...(long sigh).

Atsumu to the rescue. We appreciate Atsumu very very much in this house. It really sucks that Osamu and Atsumu are confronting like this—I mean, Atsumu has been fighting a bit and Osamu had not really been listening to Atsumu on his own end prior to this confrontation so I’m...exhausted and a bit sad in the “It can’t be helped” kind of way.

“Osamu allowed him to, too in shock and ashamed to protest, much less fight back.” It couldn’t be helped considering how everything developed but...it still hurts my chest a bit, y’know? And then Osamu tries to apologize and I’m ready (so so ready) for them to communicate because they desperately need to—

But then Meiko comes in (I am...ready to throw stuff at her. Lots of stuff. Packing peanuts. All squeaky and annoying and bad for the environment just like she is—or something like that, I dunno, I’m half dead because I’m dealing with cramps rn) and all my wishes for them to finally have that much needed conversation where Osamu can finally break down and cry—all my wishes are turned to ash like.

(Angry Wind anon noises)

Meiko rubbing her makeup all over Osamu’s shirt like he is a rag. What in the... And her 4 inch heels please, I cannot, why, I can’t deal with this, I can’t, don’t make me get close to her because I’m like Yachi (stressed out of my mind). Please don’t do this to me. But yeah, Meiko with her poor makeup that doesn’t stay on her face. What the heck....

And Meiko’s scent... gross. Like, brown sugar, cute, nice, baked goods do smell really nice, (ever add a bunch of vanilla extract to a recipe? It like, perfumes around everywhere, it’s insane and wonderful) but chances are (because it’s Meiko), it’s overbearingly sweet. Chinese food (I do not trust her taste in Chinese food to be frank), I happen to come from a Chinese family, I have Chinese food for dinner like everyday, it would take a lot to be able to get that sort of scent on you. And I do mean a lot. And hairspray??? Chemical? I do not,,, I,,, Osamu, why would you breathe that in? It’s gonna be real bad for your lungs? And we already know Meiko smokes as well—your lung health, please value it—

And then the Suna entrance. Wonderfully done fr0ggy!

Final thoughts, I am very much projecting onto Yachi rn. Yachi has been in the house for less than a week and she already has to deal with this. The company should give her a raise. My gosh.

Anyway, might as well do a thoughts/headcanon thing because it’s been a while and my mind is still on gem/jewel stuff (so hope you don’t mind!)

Okay, so Kenma I think would go with a warm colored gemstone, and citrine would work well with him! “Protection against evil thoughts” because we know Meiko has ramped up is insecurity and lowered his self-esteem.

I mentioned this before last time but Sakusa is definitely onyx. That black is iconic, and “sharpening wit” would make sense with his grace for word play and snark.

Akaashi is an interesting one...I think sapphire. I mean, sapphire can have many colors besides the classic dark blue, so that’s one thing, but it’s known for “loyalty and a pledge of trust” which Akaashi gave. I think it’s suitable for him.

Suga...initially I was thinking pearl would match him in terms of appearance, but actually looking at my reference, turquoise would work really really well with him. “Protect from evil, maintain virtue, bring good luck”. Would work well.

For Atsumu and Osamu I wanted something that could represent their duality. My first thought was gold and silver. I mean, it’d fit in terms of appearance but I’m not sure that would be the best comparison. Gold doesn’t rust so it fits Atsumu who never fell for Meiko’s tricks. Silver has been said to vanquish dark/evil beings (vampires, werewolves, the classic silver bullets and stakes). It would be interesting to see if the comparison will apply to today’s update :D!

I like how my brain shut off and couldn’t remember anyone else for a second—anyway, Oikawa... every time I think of him, I want some hue of blue wwww. I guess Aquamarine “soothing influence” would work. Since he joined YN’s side, he has been able to see the big picture and be a voice of reason. He’s thoughtful and I think aquamarine which encourages long relationships is suitable because that is what he wanted. So yes, aquamarine.

Bokuto...is a tough one. I’m trying to still keep with their color schemes a bit. I think carnelian would work. “Health, luck, bold energy, warmth, joy”—it would represent him fine. It’s a bit more orange than I would prefer but it suits him so I think it’s okay.

Iwaizumi... emerald? I mean, he does suit green tones, and “rebirth, regeneration, new hope” would work just fine for him.

Right now my brain is complete mush and I can’t think of anything for Kuroo and Daichi. Like, Kuroo would be red, sure, but the more famous ruby/garnet I think don’t represent him fully because he is still rather contained. Hmm, would need to think about them more.

But I’d like your thoughts on this too :D!!

I wanna do something suitable for all colors for YN, so opal! YN has many different parts and colors and is overall a very vivid person—if you tilt opal, you see more and more faces and things underneath being brought into your eyes. YN may be seen from many different perspectives, but YN is always beautiful and amazing. So opal is what I think YN would be.

Anyway, I’ll end here :D! Need to eat lunch. Much love towards you fr0ggy! Make sure you eat and rest up too~ drink some water or any other fluid to hydrate! And keep warm too. Much love to all the fans and supporters and ask senders too! It’s really awesome seeing and hearing from all of you and seeing new faces with the old. Love the excitement and points you all bring up—makes my brain happy.

MAJDKD I NEED TO POST THE NEW CHAPTER BUT I HAD TO RESPOND TO THIS FIRST BESTIE ILY N I LOVE TUIS — I AM OBSESSED W THE CRYSTAL (??) STUFF??? IVE NEVER UNDERSTOOD IT BUT I THINK YOIVE EXPLAINED EACH GEM N WHY SO BEAUTIFULLY I AM IN LOVE W U KITH KITH UR SO LOVELY HAVE AN AMAZING DAY (sending u good vibes n anti-stress love >333)

#j’s asks #anons babey #℗ poker face #wind anon

[rk1kheadcanons]

I have a prompt idea if you’re down, no rush at all! I just love the idea of rk1k meeting in college & it just being the first time either of them experience this real and deep love for someone. Like Connor is more on the reserved side & maybe was a lil sheltered, & while Markus is more outgoing he still approaches their relationship very carefully at the start. Both of their feelings for one another develop so strong so quickly, & maybe it scares them a bit and they don’t want to admit it to the other at first just how deeply they’ve fallen for each other because their relationship is still rather new, but it just ends up evolving into this really powerful/beautiful relationship. Can u tell I’m feeling soft rn lol

It's okay Anon, we'll be soft together.

When Connor first enters college, he's still awkward and feels like this is highschool 2.0 all over again. He has no high hopes of it being better than the good times (sharing anecdotes and movie quips with Kara and Chloe in Drama class) or worst than the bad times he experienced (bullying he experienced at the hands of Gavin Reed c/o the varsity football team and fighting with his own closeted feelings).

Connor expected his experiences to just...be.

Connor didn't come here for a good time; he didn't come here for any sort of time. All he intends to do is finish his criminology degree within these four years and dip.

Within a couple of months, he's more sure of himself. He's met some good friends like Simon and Daniel, and Simon's main squeeze, Josh. Daniel and he are best bitches 4 life at the start. He then meets North in English composition and the same happens all over again. The boss WLW and MLM solidarity were real.

He grows into himself with his friends. Now recognizes that he's a hot, gay bitch that has little time for messy people and likes to keep it that way.

He wears a camouflage of the 'shy, sweet type' so he can move around and be unseen easily even as he is constantly on the swivel, partly why he decided to become a detective: he was perfect for it.

His dad thought so too. Had said he would be so dangerous in their respective field because of how he was. He knew Connor was fucking manipulative and maniacal with the cutesy face and dangerous martial arts he'd learned-he'd raised him ofc. That adorable face was a damned front and Hank would guffaw when people fell for it.

Gavin Reed was the first to get his comeuppance senior year of high school and learn this. Connor had played the scared, shy guy- he'd then proceeded to beat the sounds and colors right out of Gavin's raggedy ass.

Now Connor had a damned fan. That bitch followed him to college he was so sprung n that ass whooping. Maybe he gave him brain damage?

Connor ignored him like he did everyone else on campus he wasn't trying to see. He remained reserved and clean-cut. Very few had seen the real him.

Connor had also vowed to not look for a relationship with anyone either in college. Bootycalls? Okay. Something to scratch that itch so he could remain focus on his studies, alright, but not a whole romantic situation.

Connor was just trying to get rid of Gavin for the umpteenth time since this year had started and of fucking course the rest of the football team was there. Gavin didn't know the meaning of "no" and "personal space" and was going to press the issue.

Here steps forward this God of a man. He checks Gavin and Connor's heart in a couple of words.

Gavin's threatened; Connor's titillated.

Markus Manfred enters stage left.

Stupid Markus Manfred and his stupid face, and his stupid heterochromia and stupid kissable mouth. Literally, fuck this dude.

No, literally, fuck him against some fucking lockers in the locker room after Markus winning game right now, get in him, because, because...

God, the way Markus chased his mouth with his own. The way he'd been stripped and lifted as he weighed next to nothing, the quick yet superb preparation on the fly and then the feeling of him quickly and effectively just getting inside... Connor's one leg shook with the stimulus, his other loosely hung around Markus waist for dear life.

Rip to his pants.

He can feel how he's being physically jostled by the other's larger hands, one on his side, the other under his thigh and it's just-

Connor's face is hot and flushed and he knows it. His damned eyes keep fluttering like he's seizing, mouth open and quite possibly drooling like he cannot control his facial muscles, control the noises pouring out of himself as every stroke inside of him touches that one sensitive spot just right.

His nails bite into Markus beautiful copper skin, flecked in freckles as Connor yells out his joyous release to everyone within a three-mile radius.

When it's said and done, they both had to recap how they even got into this scenario.

Neither were complaining, not really, just really taken aback that had happened out of the blue like that and felt so natural. Markus had been chiding Gavin about being a creep, to which Connor amended he was a stalking creep. It hadn't flown over we'll with Markus since he was the captain of the team.

Gav was hazed, he was pissed and retreated. They had stayed and talked to each other. Just talked. Markus invited him to that evening game to which Connor advised he'd already be at because he was a band member. It was early and they had parted but that whole day was filled with happenstance's of Markus appearance and talking to him. The pull had been strong.

The attraction was overwhelming and it was a bit terrifying for both parties to admit. They had just been talking to each other. Nothing significant or substantial.

Markus felt maybe he was riding a gaming win high along with his obvious attraction to Connor.

Connor felt like maybe it was mutual attraction and appreciation for him.

They both left it at that. Where Connor had not seen Markus before, he now began seeing him everywhere: in passing, in some classes, he acts as a student assistant for additional credit and functions.

Connor being in the college band and having a very beautiful jock show him this sort of attention was flattering he has to admit, and that he's a bit curious about him.

Markus asks him out on an official date.

Connor really wants to scoff at him because the scared, nerdy kid inside of him says this is a trap, he's doing this for an elaborate prank, that this is somehow tied to Gavin and you will regret this.

Connor has a hard time believing that someone that looks like Markus would genuinely be interested in a person like him. Then again, he had just blown his back out magnificently not that long ago.

Markus is all warm and fuzzy, bubbly and chipper and Connor gets drunk on the free serotonin every time they meet.

He takes the plunge and says yes to the date and has never regretted it.

The conversation is immaculate, the expectations realistic and superb, and Markus is not just a jock: he's down to earth, adopted into money but lives simply. He wants to be a painter like his dad...

His father is the Carl Manfred, the famous painter and Connor feels like he had an aneurysm.

Connor tells Markus about his Lieutenant Dad, Henry 'Hank' Anderson. How he was the youngest lieutenant on the Detroit police force and Markus stupidly and excitedly smiles and says "I know! I was such a fan of your dad. He helped my dad when art thieves were stealing one-of-a-kind art from the museum!"

Connor is so damned smitten with this lovely creature that it's insane. He thinks he really might lo..like Markus a lot.

Connor's thoughts derail at the word choice a scowl on his face. What was he, 10?

Markus would run away so damned fast if he said those words to him. Just because they'd been going out and now regularly intimate didn't make it love, right? Why, then, did it bother Connor that it felt so right only with this man?

Markus notices the sour disposition Connor has, tries to get him back into the conversation, and even though Connor says he's okay, Markus knows that he's withdrawn from the conversation fully.

Unbeknownst to Connor, Markus had his strong feelings as well over the matter.

He was feeling Connor hard. It blindsided him and he knew that he needed to talk about this with Connor, lest one or both of them get hurt.

They both had fallen hard, much harder than they thought they would.

Instead of that talk Markus promised himself he was mature and level-headed enough for them both to have or even Connor just acknowledging the truth of the matter, they left the relationship in a sort of limbo, as is, neither wanting to face that four-letter word headlong in such a brutally honest way, fear that maybe just maybe what each of them had been feeling wasn't that and neither wanted the hurt if it wasn't L O V E.

I have more ideas on this one but I'll cut it for now because it's huge for a Tumblr post, lol. If it gets some interest, I have no problem with continuing it in another post of my own. HMU if you do like like. 😘

#rk1k #rk1000 #conkus #anonymous #college au #dbh #detroit become human #citrus #🌸 post #a literal story lol

[onyourzeus]

11:48 am | pjh

title: 11:48am pairing: park jaehyung (of day6) & you genre: fluff, bullet style words: 2.1k

author’s note: mmm i’m kind of meh about this but i jus really needed to write so i don’t lose motivation, but this is just a short fic requested by this anon asking for a lazy day scenario with jae. hope it’s still an okay read.

any requests? check my pinned post if i’m accepting any at the moment, thanks!

once you receive a specific text from jae on a regular day

“whatchu doinnnn” 

you know he’s wondering if you’re not busy, and if you come hang out at his place

which, for the majority of the time, you always tell him “not much. y?”

even though you’re 99% sure of what he wants out of you

you have already made your way to a coffee shop before he had replied 

“same. wanna do nothing together? :)”

so u get two coffees: one americano and one vanilla latte (as much as you want to cut down calories here, there is no way you can drink just water and espresso by itself

you decide on getting two sandwiches as well, it’s close to noon and there’s a high probability that jae just woke up and he hasn’t even moved from the bed

you’re lowkey happy that jae texts you first (assumingly) during days like this because, honestly you miss the 6 foot lanky nerdy soft boy a lot

jae has a habit of keeping to himself during his downtime, especially now 

but with him streaming and having new friends through the platform has helped him socialize and feel a sense of normalcy from the world, which you are really glad for 

he’s mentioned how much he misses doing band activities but doesn’t really elaborate on them

he think he talks about it too much and that you wouldn’t want to hear his repetitive whining

you don’t have the needed bravery in your heart (yet) to tell him you will never get bored or feel burdened by his thoughts, no matter what they entail

so for now, when he asks of your presence in his lovely abode— you make time for him. always. 

even if it’s just a lazy day of doing nothing

you knock on his door and text him at the same time. you look around his neighborhood and enjoy the peace and quiet outside. you wonder if jae’s soundproof walls work well enough for his next door neighbors this time. you had told him multiple times that sungjin wouldn’t appreciate the noise too much, and he if he wanted to play he can do so at your place 

however you never suggested that last thought. it swam in the sea of your thoughts one too many times but it never came to shore. you thought too much about the implications of that idea

besides, what good came out of reminding him of his streamer noises is that he finally has an apartment of his own

and you don’t feel as shy or out of place whenever you came over to the one he shared with the boys 

“oh hey, wasn’t expecting you,” jae had opened the door and you snap out of your wondering

he greets you with drowsy eyes, a full yawn and long strands of hair sticking out everywhere 

you huff out a breath and show the goods in your hands. “you’re definitely gonna need this.”

his eyes light up as he recognizes the contents of the paper bag

“whaaaat you shouldn’t have, i was about to order for delivery,” he tries for an innocent tone but the goofy smile on his face makes that extra trip to the cafe worth it

“you’re welcome, jae.”

lazy days with jae come in two ways

number one: absolutely the title. you crash on the bed, he scolds you for it but then you feel his crushing weight on top of you for revenge or

you hog the couch, splay your legs until jae does the same thing and entangles all your limbs together it becomes a semi wrestling match

number two: he’d end up wanting to do something all this time, either jam on his guitar or play WoW with you in the background, just watching

commenting on things you have 0 knowledge about, and him dismissing every words you say with a random scream from his end

“you’re so bad at this lmao”

“NONONO STOPSTOPSTOP NONONO”

“is the riff supposed to sound like that? ew” 

“you want your face to meet my guitar? :)” 

yeah, banter between you can be brutal like this which is why it gets a little embarrassing to be your true self with him when the others are involved 

today, jae seems to just enjoy sipping on his iced coffee while tippy tapping on the floor to sit next to you on the couch

??? how can a grown man do something puppies so effortlessly pull out… just as cute if not even better??? 

usually, silence isn’t how the two of you spend lazy days together. once he’s thought of a topic to talk about, however out of this world or mundane it could be— the conversations you share are what you cherish the most bonding with jae

“you ever think about the first piece of a roll of sliced bread?”

“you mean the weird looking pieces no one ever chooses first and leaves it there until there’s none of the good slices left?”

“the very one” “what about it?”

“you’re that slice of bread”

“well yeah? jokes on you, you’re the OTHER piece. there’s two in a pack dumbass” 

one would mistake this as insulting, but this is how jae shows his affection to you, and you wouldn’t want it any other way

there’s a certain comfort in just.. not deliberating whether you’d overstep a line or say something that would be misconstrued. with jae, you appreciate the candid friendship you mutually benefit from

his sarcastic personality can be a pain at times when not needed, of course, but when you’ve missed him so much it just feels right

“jae your legs are too long for the couch get a new one.” he had taken over the other end of the couch with his legs over yours, and you’re trying your best to make the position comfortable

but being inches close to his socks and noticing that he’s intentionally moving his feet about just to annoy you

“you get me a new couch so we both fit here”

“bro do you know how empty my wallet is rn” 

“as empty as your love life?”

“oh we’re talking about ourselves right now? ok cool”

he scoffs at your comeback, but he remains speechless and gives you room to breathe. you panic for a second thinking maybe, this is the unexplained boundary he has to draw a line on? love? 

but he puts down his already finished americano, and looks back at you a deadpan expression

you sit up as well, nerves creeping up on your arm. you didn’t want to take it too far and in your defense, this isn’t the first time you teased each other about your, well, non-existent romantic endeavors

“jae, i—”

“oh my god did you see your face?? i was kidding chilllll” he starts to burst into a fit of laughter, the kind where he loses air and lolls his head back 

this time you pout, reaching over to flick him on the forehead. his 6th sense had improved a lot overtime being with you as he blocks your hand away from his face, and sticks a tongue out

“you think i wasn’t prepared for that anymore?” he taunt, locking his grip around your wrist

“now you’re just making fun of me” >:(

“you get really puffy cheeks and look adorable when you’re mad” 

“THAT IS NOT A VALID REASON!!”

eventually he lets you go, pats your head then proceeds to just ruffle it as messy as his, and in an instant your mood changes again

you shouldn’t lie to yourself anymore, you love jae’s company and it would kill you if he’d one day decide he’s too old or too “mature” for moments like this

you get winded up with denial of having a crush on your best friend, and you’re so sure he knows at this point

because he reels you back into the present and challenges you to a game os super smash bros

and when he loses, he does it again. and you win again, and this time he says it was just a warm-up and he shouldn’t go easy on you anymore

and then you win again, and you’re the one cackling in the air at his look of defeat as well as the 6 losses he had endured during the matches

“man you’re getting rusty”

“am not! i’ve just been playing WoW too much i’m not used to switch controls anymore…”

“sure buddy”

“HEY, 1v1 me in league right now, i dare you”

“no”

“WHY?”

“you only have one desktop, stupid. i didn’t bring my laptop”

“oh so by default I win :D”

nothing can ever get away with jae, he always needs to have the last laugh with you and at times it’s frustrating, but his carefree charisma has grown on you so much that you anticipate what else he has in store to give you a hard time 

jokes on him, you fall for jae just an inch deeper the more he treats you comfortably this way 

it’s only been an hour or two, but jae had decided that he’s done enough productive stuff for the day (read: losing too many times) and invited you over to chill on his bed

it’s not an uncommon sight for the both of you to lie next to each other, taking turns with queueing up music on spotify. songs you and jae love together, and those that are new to your ears 

sometimes, you’d talk over the playlist— it becomes more of background noise as jae asks you about your day, the days before that, and what you’re planning on doing in the future

he doesn’t ask for specific answers, he likes to hear how you’ve been feeling, emotionally so

jae has always been intrigued by other people’s perception of themselves, of the things around them, and of what they think of the universe in the back of their minds

it was a little too much to handle, those questions of his, when you first were just getting to know each other

but he eased into it naturally, confessing about his love for the moon— its beauty in appearance, and the beauty of its purpose

which made you think… you’re in love with the moon too, not just what you see in the sky

but what you see right next to you right now

jae had given you enough time before to open up about your own thoughts, struggles, and share secrets with him. it didn’t take long until you found the trust between you and held onto it for dear life

lazy days with jae can be just that— lazy, loafing around the house, stealing a chip or two from each other’s bag, falling asleep to the sound of lofi music on the speaker

but it can go this way too: with jae explaining how good this one song can be, the metaphors every verse carries with the melody. “you’ve always heard of chocolate eyes or whatever, but blueberry? and to describe the setting sun as strawberry skies? amazing, GENIUS” 

and you laugh, and listen to the same song over and over as per jae’s request until he overpowers the original vocals— and you don’t complain, there’s not a sound you love to hear on a lazy afternoon than his low register, the kind of singing he does just for the heck of it. he’s not exerting too much range, too much work on the words he sings— he’s just doing so to comfort him, to bring life to the room, to dwell on each poetic verse’s meaning

i’m so lost in your blueberry eyes

he finishes singing, and the playlist shuffles to an instrumental lofi track with an upbeat, charming rhythm to it

jae keeps his eyes closed, smiling to himself probably proud for his faux performance

“you done gloating in your head yet, jae?”

“shut up i’m feeling the moment”

you poke his shoulder with yours, and you’re suddenly hyper aware at how close the two of you are.. physically, right now

he turns his head towards you, eyes fluttering, lips slightly open. he catches you staring, and it’s too sudden for you to look away and pretend it’s not awkward at all

“what are you doing?” he asks, a lilt of teasing on his voice but his eyes never leave yours 

“sh..shut up,” you quip in a small voice, looking down on your laying bodies before turning away, cheeks warm

“wait what? what i was asking a genuine question—”

“i was.. feeling the moment, okay? god jae you’re annoying” you mutter under your breath, a lousy response to cover up the pounding in your chest

“this moment feels really nice, doesn’t it?” he says next to you, quiet but gentle

you pause for a second, taking in his words and letting go of the smile you’re trying to hold off on

your heart is still racing, but there wasn’t a need to worry about stumbling with your feelings

if jae himself is enjoying your own company right now 

“it is. if it’s with you, it really is.”

#day6 imagines #day6 scenarios #day6 au #day6 x reader #park jaehyung imagines #park jaehyung scenarios #park jaehyung x reader #park jaehyung au #day6 jae #dot series #by:jiae

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Hey!! 👋🏽😄 I know you said in your last rant about SK8 and Reki and Renga that you were one of those people that always looks up and learns from others, but after your last Langa edit, I just wanted to remind you how immensely talented you are. I might have not seen your first attempts at editing, but I know how it looks like when you're barely starting something, and I'm sure everyone is proud of the progress you've made and many people looks up to you as the level of skill they want to achieve. You're doing amazing! 💖💖💖

Hi, my love!!!!!! ASDFSDFGHG that’s soooo sweet, thank you so much for saying this, it really means the world to me <3 Oh, haha I’ve deleted most of my old videos so it wouldn’t hurt anyone’s eyes lmao T_T I’m still a bit nervous each time I’m uploading my vids to the day to be honest, even with so many subs rn, but at first I really didn’t have any supporters at all and my god I sucked at this, but I guess the love for my fav ships was stronger apparently haha. So I always get silly happy at each nice comment and feedback, so thank you seriously. 

I really love love love vidding, Idk why but when smth comes out the way I wanted it’s a super addictive feeling for some reason, but many times I just looked at the final result and just threw it in the trash and started over and my god how many times SonyVegas crushed and didn’t autosave the project. I’m like Suga now, I’m pressing the save button each 2 minutes, cause don’t want to lose anything xD Being someone’s inspiration is truly an honor to me, I’ve got some messages that hit me too hard. Still feels weird bc I’m like “but do you know that I can’t even use photoshop tho, how do u like me now then?” lol.

I’m always drawn to talented characters, bc they amaze me, esp the humble ones. Like those who hate Haru or Lanaga just buffle me honestly. I understand that they’re pretty and talented and everything, but they’re also the sweetest and loveliest human beings, so like...??? And I adore those who don’t whine and get what they want. I just can’t help it. I’m a strong believer in the fact that "you can do anything if you put your mind to it”. So far it worked in real life so suck it lol.

People are also saying like Langa doesn’t deserve to win this and Haru doesn’t deserve to be in Olympics, like Langa didn’t snowboard since he was 2 and Haru wasn’t swimming every day since he was born. I’m like.. and you need to check in the mirror if your face is a shade of green. BTW I’ve also been in a professional sports for quite a long time since I was a little kid, ballroom dancing and adored it back then, and I did not get jealous at ppl who were talented than me, I was watching the tapes actually with a popcorn. And oh god those large competition events when you sit there for days and give it all, but then you’re like 296 out of 1000. Why was I proud instead of being sad? Idk xD It was fun.

So thanks for liking the vid, cause I even regretted uploading it a bit yesterday. Sadly everyone already knows that we lost this fandom to the middle schoolers being extra, so they do not care for anything each episode except for this ship, so that’s what I got for posting a just Langa vid:

And etc. and that just made me sad, cause I do not like such fandoms, like it’s not even related to the video, that I’ve been making... with love.  Also thanks for the "sama” title, I’m flattered, but editor only wants to vid matchablossom for now, so like there’s no need for any warnings. I’ve been in such horrendoes fandoms, that I’m immune to this. I also in fact didn’t know some keep ruining Langa’s page and saying that he steals Reki’s screen time... cause he’s aparently the only main character...? ...lmao? I didn’t even know Langa can be hated tbh. I wasn’t really ready for all the drama that followed me making a vid about him.

I’ve already deleted some comments, cause I’m like what this even has to do with the vid about Langa? No, I am not obliged to make a vid about Reki, too. What if I post a matchablossom vid, everyone will only start commenting “do renga”, cause fuck your efforts? I’m like... I hate such fanbases, seriously. I do not even know where this is going, but their fans are already pissing me off. I’m still trying hard for this to not affect my point of view about the ship, cause it’d be kinda unfair to them, but its getting harder each week istg.

And I maybe can’t take requests, but I love when some try to get me addicted on their ship with passion and great arguments. It happened to me with some nice ppl. But def not with agression and stupidity haha.

Cause apparently its one of the fandoms where you can’t NOT care for the main ship, even if you accept it for the only possible Langa ship (cause he doesn’t give a shit for anyone else, so like what’s the point), but it doesn’t do anything for you. I’m like... thanks for threatening. This will make me on board ASAP. Like it’s not the epitomy of love to me... I’m sorry? LMAO 

Some anon even sent me a “you’re dense” (literally thats it) ask after that Reki ask. I was tempted to write smth like “oh I’m sorry, this is the most epic love story of my life and his character is the most complex in the world and he’s the best friend and the most inspiring human being that ever hit my screen. can I become undense now? xD”. But you know I do not know if they’d realise the sarcasm and my pride sadly never allowed me to sell my life values for a bunch of 12 years olds to love me lol

My sister always laughs and jokingly says “but you’d probably get much more subs if you made a vid about this or that, but at what price that would be lmao”. Cause yeah, I never could make myself vid smth I do not like, cause I love vidding and do not want it to be associated with things I do not like, plus it’ll most likely turn out ugly, if I do not care. My mom says that she can feel love I put in my shipping vids that’s why she loves them. I really don’t think she’s wrong. But that also kinda makes me an idiot technically, cause I’m not into many of the popular ships, and some popular animes I just find really basic. 

Also I’m like 100% sure it ain’t happening, but even if they miraculously suck each other’s dicks while sitting on a skate board, I can still have the rights not to care at the end. Like did I sign some form where I’m obliged to love each and everyone canon gay ship even if it’s not what I like? Like gay is not the type of love in relationships. You can only care about his ass like Lan Zhan for example or you can only care about your ass. Like that’s different types of relationships, and whatever you like you like. So get all the way of people’s backs, please.

Also do ppl know that you do not need to be blind to the bad sides of the characters in your ships? Or you just gonna be like “I suddenly can’t see” for forever.

So really thanks for such wonderful message and liking the video and for the boosts when I need them and not being an ass to me if I’m not being obsessed with smth, when you like it. (like I think we have different ship in bnha, right? but we’re still doing great tho, thanks for being an angel <3)

I still didn’t expect this becoming a Voltron 2.0. situation tho. We in our twenties see everything differently, I guess. I do get extra about “their love is everywhere”, but I do not get extra by anonymously attacking ppl, threatening creators and yelling “queeerbating psychotic blind assholes if these two aint fucking by the end of the season I’m shaving my head and jumping out of the window and shoot the director. you do not ship it HARD? YOU DUMB FUCK. THAT’S THE BEST LOVE STORY IN THE WORLD”. Like damn, take your blinders off and see the world, kid. Firstly, it’s definitely not, secondly, ppl see love differently in general and at each age too.

Ah, also you must kill Adam, cause he’s a pedo apparently. Like he ain’t even a threat to your ship, unless you’re blind, but they’re still at it, like they do not know that this kind of age difference is literally nothing for an anime? And that there are canon ships with a huger age difference left and right, too. It’s like its their first time approaching an anime or smth. Like in anime world character can literally kill 1000 ppl with his bare hands and bathe in their blood and we can still stan them, depends on their story, ok? Also Langa couldn’t care less for his advances, so like separate Adam from your ship pls. Like, fuck off, if someone is interested in his character. Yeah, he’s a weirdo for reasons, but anime kind of weird do not apply to real life. Stop acting like you’re some purist, when later you’re gonna ship smth else and it suddenly will not apply. Also rules do not apply to animes, everyone knows they do not apply. These are not western cartoons, my god. And 24 years old flirting with 16 year old is defiinitely not the weirdest shit anyone has ever seen in the anime. Chinese BL has characters who were 14 and 30 when they met and happily married. Also FICTION is not life. Literally no one cares. If you’re scared for your saint eyes, do not watch animes, you’re gonna have a heart-attack from what you can see there. Also we’ve seen gayer bromances in animes, who are just bromances, so pls do not shoot anyone if it’s not canon.

So basically I was kinda pissed yersterday, cause fuck them for ruining the tag, but after chatting with my hommies and your ask, I’m okay again, I just have to avoid this fandom and stick to a tight community xD. I just got used to my nice fandoms and forgot for a bit about the precautions you need to take if you’re in one of those. You know. Who make a circus out of lgbt, instead of supporting it, and make other ppl hate being in fandoms.

P.S. sorry for this partially unrelated rant, your messages really always make my heart bloom, so thanks for supporting me, and I know you’re proud of my progress, too <3 and this makes me happy. LY

#answered #heavensweetheart #sk8 #sk8 the infinity #in such moments you for a moment don't even want to vid this fandom anymore #like seems more pain in the ass than joy #but then denying smth bc of stupid ppl is also dumb #so its like I need to breathe and not go to the tags or twitter #sjws ruin everything #anime #I'd rather go spend some time in my chill fandom with less ppl but more adults

[yikesharringrove]

the fic you wrote for my last prompt was amazing, ty 😭 can you do 50 + 56 this time please? and if you want to work in dyslexic!steve too that would be awesome! 🥰

You are speaking my fuckin’ language, dyslexic Steve is my ABSOLUTE jam. Honestly, whenever I write Steve, he’s dyslexic, although sometimes it’s not mentioned because it’s not important to Harry’s journey @ jk rowling

Thank you for your request! I’m really glad you liked the other one I wrote! You’re anonymous so I don’t know which one that is but I really enjoyed writing them all! Sorry for my manic energy rn.

Something a little different, it’s modern au! This is probably nothing like what you were thinking so I’m sorry, but I kinda love it ngl.

50: Secret Admirer

56: “I don’t know if I should be flattered or offended.”

Prompt list!

Billy spent three and a half hours reading through every single tweet on the account.

There were so fucking many of them. The earliest one was timestamped from four days ago, so obviously, this person had no life outside of tweeting.

Tweeting about Billy.

He had a few personal favorites. He had retweeted them to his account, figuring may as well play it up, make a joke outta everything.

@ImHardForHargrove: sorry WHOMST gave you the RIGHT to have eyes that fuckin blue im YELLING

@ImHardForHargrove: watchin u play basketball is a religious experience y are ur arms so BIG hhnnnng

And Billy’s absolute favorite, which he pinned right at the top of his account

@ImHardForHargrove: ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass

Billy knew he looked good. Knew he turned heads wherever he went. He did that on purpose. But realizing someone at Hawkins High had set up a thirst account for him, well.

“I don’t know if I should be flattered or offended.” Billy had explained the situation to Robin, letting her go through the account on his phone. “Like, It’s kinda nice, whoever this guy is, he’s got a crush. But also like, It’s kinda creepy. Plus he’s objectifying me,” Billy was talking through his sandwich.

Robin made a face of disgust. “Why do you keep saying ‘he’? All of the girls in this fucking school are practically drooling for you.”

“Hard for Hargrove, Robin. I know you’re like, revolted by the peen and whatever but that does not excuse a lack of basic sexual education and anatomy.” She gagged at him. Honest to God, gagged. He thought she was gonna spew all over the table.

“If I ever hear you call it a peen ever again, it’s on sight Hargrove.” Heather plopped herself down next to Robin, kissing her cheek before zeroing in on Billy’s phone, still in Robin’s hand.

“Have you guys worked out who it could be yet?” Her eyes were wide at Billy.

“Billy says he thinks its a guy even though people with penises aren’t necessarily men.” Robin gave him a pointed look.

“Yeah Robin, I know that, but, I don’t know I just think it’s a guy penis-having person.”

Heather narrowed her eyes at him. “Do you actually think that, or are you just hoping in that goblin little brain of yours that this account is Steve Harrington’s.” Billy could feel the heat spread down his neck.

“Billy, I know Steve is like, the only out guy in this whole fucking town, but you can do way better than him.  PLUS, I feel like it makes more sense if the person running this account wasn’t out and had to channel their gay yearning through social media.”

“First of all Robin, you have this vendetta against Steve that I don’t get. He’s a nice guy. He’s kinda dopey, kinda dumb, but he’s like, sweet and shit. Second, I’m not out, so it still could be him because he doesn’t think I would, like, accept his advances or whatever. Hence, gay internet yearning.” The chime of the bell sent them packing their lunches, Billy’s phone vibrated in Robin’s hand. She rolled her eyes when he realized he turned on notifications for the account

“Get a fucking life you loser.” She slapped the phone into his hand. He opened the new tweet with embarrassing zeal.

@ImHardForHargrove: i saw u talking with ur mouth full and it was yucky but i was still  🥺🥺

His head shot up, trying to see who would have been facing him during lunch, but the cafeteria was almost empty.

The rest of the week Billy took deliberate care of every interaction he had with anyone. Observing who was in his surroundings, and making note of everything he did and said. He took extra caution around Steve, wanting to spot any minute detail that could give away who ran the account.

The account started blowing up. People were retweeting like fucking crazy. Everywhere he went, he was being asked if he’s seen it, like he doesn’t regularly retweet the good ones. The search for the owner of the account had spread throughout the whole school. A few girls even tried to claim the account was theirs, but every time that happened the account would tweet out something to discredit whoever made the claim, proving them a liar.

Billy was starting to lose hope it was Harrington. The tweets were coming at all different times, posted whenever the person thought about it, so Billy was losing track of who was near when he said or did something. And the tweets were always about stupid stuff Billy didn’t register doing. On Wednesday night the account said

@ImHardForHargrove: hi when you chew on your pencil and it makes me 🥴 that is all thx for comin to my ted talk

Friday afternoon gave them all:

@ImHardForHargrove: walked past ur classroom and u were asleep ive never wanted to CUDDLE someone so bad in my LIFE

But Saturday, Saturday renewed all hope for Harrington Billy could possibly have. Lauren Kranz was throwing a party. It was the first real rager in a while, so everyone was there, and everyone was sloshed. Everyone but Billy, who’d agreed to be designated driver for Robin and Heather like some kinda idiot.

He was brooding on the back porch when his phone went off. The account was active, and the owner was drunk.

@ImHardForHargrove: I can seeeeee u oyt the windw I wan u 2 FUC ME. RAW DOG.

@ImHardForHargrove: srry ur so beauitiful nd THICCC

@ImHardForHargrove: I wana shoot my shot but idk if u lik bois

@ImHardForHargrove: (ys i am boi)

@ImHardForHargrove: nd i dont wana get my heart broken agin 😥

He was right about it being a guy. He was right about him being too nervous to approach him outright. His brain was screaming stevestevesteve at him. Hawkins was shook when Steve came out as bisexual in his sophomore year. He was the golden boy, a real jock. He was NOT the kind of guy people would assume queer in a small midwestern town.

He was kind of a douchebag, dumping one girl for another, sleeping with her and never calling again. But then he settled down with this guy from the University of Indianapolis for a few months until Steve caught him cheating. Apparently, he had slashed the guy’s tires. Billy was impressed.

The next year came Wheeler, who only stuck around long enough to make sure Steve was nice and whipped before she fucked off on him too. So Steve retreated. Spent more time with middle schoolers than anybody else. Didn’t want to put his heart on the line anymore until he knew it wouldn’t be stomped on.  Billy could respect that.

Billy couldn’t risk being out in a town like Hawkins. Word always had a way of getting right back to his dad, and in a tiny hick town with nothing better to do than gossip, it was usually only a matter of hours before Neil heard something he didn’t like.

@ImHardForHargrove: srry 4 bad typing rn. drunk nd dysl exic ren’t a happy combo

Billy’s heart stopped. The drunken idiot was giving himself away. Maybe if he sat here staring at the account long enough, enough would be revealed he could figure it all out like a shitty drunk episode of Blue’s Clues.

He was so focused on Twitter, refreshing his feed, again and again, he didn’t notice a very drunk, and very unsteady Steve Harrington stumbling out the back door towards him. Until he crashed into his back.

“Sorry, Bill!” Billy had Steve by the shoulders trying to keep him upright. “Heyy I have a question for you.” Steve grabbed one of Billy’s hands and veered over to the table and chairs arranged neatly on the small patio. When they were sitting, Steve kept ahold of Billy’s hand.

“Hi.” Steve was smiling like a little kid. Billy was in fucking love.

“hey, Harrington. What was your question.”

“So-oo. I have this friend. A very good friend. Super close. And he has a big ol’ crush on you but he’s too scared to ask you himself because he keeps getting his heart fuckin’ broken so he wanted me to ask. Are you into guys?” It’s a miracle Billy understood any of that, every word blending into the next.

“That depends.” Billy leaned in, running his tongue along his bottom lip. He saw Steve take in a sharp breath, following the movement with his glazed eyes. He knew Steve was talking about himself, he just wanted to rile him up a little. Make him blush first. “This friend you’re talkin’ about. He’s our age? Like you’re not trying to set me up with one a’ your kids, right?” Steve physically recoiled.

“NO, you fuckin’ pedo. I’m NOT trying to set you up with a fuckin’, fuckin’ middle schooler. My friend is, uh eighteen. He’s a senior.” Unless Tommy fuckin’ H. suddenly had a penchant for dick Billy didn’t know about, Steve was 100% talking about himself.

“Well, if he’s as pretty as you are, I’d love to go out with him sometime.” Billy winked. Steve went red.

“Okay, but like, does that mean you’d go out with me? Like I’m as pretty as me, right? Because I was talking about me. Not ‘a friend’ I was talking about me. Steve.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured that out. You know, I was hoping it was you running that Twitter. Any time you’d tweet out something you wanted to do with me, I was always picturin’ doing it with you, Baby.” Billy was practically purring. “Especially all the shit you wanted me to do TO you.” Steve gave something between a whine and a groan and flopped himself onto Billy’s lap, straddling him with very little grace.

“Thank God. ‘Cause you’re so fucking hot I’d let you do anything to me. Anything, Bill.” Billy smiled softly at him.

“Then let me take you home. Let me put you in bed to sleep off all this. And let me take you to breakfast tomorrow. Something nice and greasy for your hangover tummy.” Steve was a puddle in Billy’s lap. “C’mon, Drunky, git your ass up.” Steve just giggled and muttered Drunky Skunky under his breath.

Billy sighed and stood up, hefting Steve up with him.

“Bil-ly,” Steve whined. “You’re so strong, this is so fucking hot. I gotta tweet about this.”

“Tweet it later, Sweet Thing.”

It took Billy for-fucking-ever to find Robin and Heather (they were making out in the basement with the stoners). But Steve chirped and cooed into his ear, so happy Billy could lift him and hold him like it was nothing.

The last tweet from the account was timestamped from Sunday evening.

@ImHardForHargrove: Hi this is Steve. Billy’s my boyfriend now 🥰#ThirstWorks

#I'm gonna reblog this in the morning too #Im v proud of it I want people to SEE IT #harringrove #steve harrington #steve harrington x billy hargrove #billy hargrove x steve harrington #billy hargorve #modern au #modern harringrove #yikes writes #harringrove prompts #Harringrove Prompts list #harringrove prompt fill #prompt fill #prompt fic

[bnha-imagines-hcs]

oh no im curious about these sex pollen hcs. hit me up with some aizawa please if you want to and haven't already, whenever you have time?

( of course i had in mind some desperate guilty sex when i posted that, but it never wanted to write itself bc: aizawa wouldn’t. he just wouldn’t. so instead, have this sfw hurt/comfort thing – that is half summarised bc i didn’t wanna write everything out ❤❤ . )

| aizawa; drabble & headcanons.

           it wasn’t even a quirk. 

the sex industry, as always, is booming. tech levels rise through the ages and as man’s ability to mimic nature leaps ahead… we get a hold of that long sought-after aphrodisiac.as with any drug, it’s sold in degrees of potency - the most debilitating ones not commonly found anywhere but at the black market.

          it wasn’t even an attack of any kind. just a fun game, let’s try this shit out with your friends - spice up a night of clubbing. someone had gotten hold of it somewhere, and fuck but they should’ve asked where.they didn’t. underestimated it; caution wasn’t enough.

weak. everything is so loud, so bright, so invasively intense– a lamppost’s dim light cause for skull’s pounding and the door’s slippery slick plastic like a hyperactive second skin. 

not what you might call sexy.

and yet. of course this demonic fucking drug doesn’t give a shit– everything is aching. joints and muscles from the constant strain, head from the fucking stress and core because for the love of all that is sane, there needs to be something in there or around there.

         “sh-shou-t-t-ta-                              fuck                     -please open the door- fuck please be home,”                          knocking has little result when it’s a jarring slide of                          skinskinskin on wetslipperywaterplasticyskinskinskin               that renders their knuckles powerless. they slip sideways,                flop against the bell until it finally ringsloudLOUDFUCKINGLOUD.

the tremor in their limbs is a racket, something that drives up through all the senses- then finds it’s got nowhere to go, ricochets off every thought and turns emotions into nausea.

christ. are you supposed to take a single grain of this shit-? it’d been dust, fine and easy to sprinkle into the foam that topped one beer, the fizz of someone’s coke. those combos a good idea?evidently not.were you supposed to take that shit at all? was it not fit for consumption, or– oh god oh god oh god

it’s a god awful time, waiting for that second skin to peel away and leave them the fuck alone. thumping reverberates, an amplified ache, and then the door falls away and they with it.

“shit– y/n? injured or drunk?”          god, he’s so sweet. nothing useful registers; just blacks and grey [ stubble ] and pale skin / dark rings under [ eyes ] – there’s way too much sensation pouring in through every shred of skin held near.at leat the long kiss with the fucking front door desensitised that a lil bit.

          “…..shouta………..hm?”

“tell me your name.”

          oh lord, he’s worried. a stumbled reiteration soothes that some, but certainly not by much.

“what day is it?”

          “oh god, please don’t make me do that–” somewhere in the century that’s passed in hng shouta smell yeaaaahhh, there’s a click that casts out so much noise. rain’s obnoxious assault on the senses is cut short and they sag in [ arms ] distantly familiar.

“what day is it?”

          “shoutaaa… i’ hurts- uhm, uhm, fuck issit wednesday? should be wednesday night, went t’ club.” 

“partied with someone you don’t know?”

          “nno.”

          something high-pitched and short-lived arches into what’s roughwarmfirm. loud and bright and overwhelming all else; clean strokes of way too much / please more and the misery of begging for a cure.there’s a thumb at your mouth / but time passes too slowly and it’s gone ere you can lick it, pulling up eye’s lids until the hallway light is piercing. “–fuck, don’t do that!”

“where does it hurt?”

          “everywhere-” you squirm every time he lifts fabric just to uselessly look at your skin / cry for the skittering itching need when sure fingers check wrist, elbow, the inside of your knee - nothing lasts, not even long enough to fully register. “please, shouta-”

“tell me your address.”

          “–right here,” then, less obscenely, follows the street you stood out in the rain at, the house you’re in just to cling to his solid shapes.

“where are your friends?”

          “home. cab. took it together.” right, that happened. feels like oceans of drowning ago.

straight-up emergency calls Recovery Girl. she comes by despite the pouring rain; was on her way and also,,, u gonna help a pal out. goes yeah that’s what it looks like (completely unaffectedly asks shouta to keep his girl from rubbing themselves on her pls), then gives y/n a tablet that’s a sleeping pill & against inflammatory stuff, and a tiny smooch to help recover quicker - but a tiny one, cuz y/n is gonna need all of her energy.                 ( no not for that ya sickos >8) )

y/n remembers all that scattered intensity finally drawing into a focal point as shouta lets her grind on his thigh (he cannot touch her he just fucking can’t - and he’s right not to. he is not aroused in the slightest lmfao christ) before everything just. fades to black in her mind. she was not lucid enough to register the sleeping pill at the time (only swallowing smth), but come morning she can piece it together.she’s exhausted. and she’s slept – aizawa, sitting in a chair and at a desk to support him with what smells like bitter coffee, looks like shit. y/n cries for him, because they know how personally he takes things, how he worries, how it takes him a while to stop blaming himself for shit happening to ppl he loves. she’s sorry for burdening him - even if he prefers it, she’s just sorry to put him on the spot like that anyway. she cries for the scare– she cries for what could have happened.

shouta’s already called all the friends that went clubbing with his s/o and notified local police - both bc wtf this drug?? in civilian hands?? and obv to make sure they got home safe, and if they didn’t he’d call a hero to go find them. he’ll be questioning the friend who brought the drugs, find out whether this was a matter of accident or of someone dropping bad drugs in innocent hands.

y/n demands he come rest– shouta’s more than relieved to be able to hold them in his arms now without feeling dirty, though he remains cautious of reigniting smth somehow. but the drug’s immediate influences have passed - now their body’s exhausted both from it and from working it out their system. y/n couldn’t be less horny rn, just wants to cling to him & make sure he eats, gd. they take charge of the situation, of shouta and his guilt. he’s called in sick btw- sick, bc not spreading their private business all over w/o at least giving them time to prepare for it; it may go public anyway if it turns out to be a bigger problem. – s/o says ok. you’re going to eat. i’ll eat a lil too if i can keep it down. you can check on me in between making it (s/o is not gonna get up yet, that feels Not Good), then we drink some water, then we lay down here and rest. shouta’s won over bc logic and bc please let him physically curl arnd them to protect and wash away the night’s horrors.

#aizawa shouta #shouta aizawa #bnha aizawa #mha aizawa #bnh aizawa #mha #bnha #bnh #boku no hero #boku no hero academia #boku no hero academy #my hero academy #my hero academia #bnha imagines #mha imagines #bnh imagines #sex pollen

[geniuscloud]

NCT Dream Reaction - Crying In Front of Them

@selca-ships “Hey could you make a nct imagine of them reacting to you crying in front of them? Thanks! ❤️” *Later requested NCT Dream*

This is my first time ever making a reactions post, so sorry if it sucks!

I apologize for spelling mistakes, I ain’t got time to edit. Also if I edit my post the gifs go away so :-/

((ALSO IF I MESSED UP THE GIFS FOR THE MEMBERS I APOLOGIZE. MY GIFS AREN’T WORKING SO IT’S ALL BLANK, I’M CLICKING ON A RANDOM GIF RN.))

Mark

You had just gotten off of Skype with your parents, your boyfriend Mark was by your side. The one thing you had wanted was for him to meet your parents, and get their approval. More or less to show off what a wonderful guy you had met. You moved to Korea on a whim, without your parents, hoping to work for a large entertainment company after becoming obsessed with the way the entertainment industry worked in Korea; even if that meant just being a staff member. 

“Your parents are so nice” Mark smiled, tucking the laptop to the side before returning to face you. His eyes were instantly met with your glossy ones, tears starting to spill from it’s ducts. Without saying a word, his smile faded, and he planted a kiss on the top of your head before pulling you into his side with a big hug. This was the first time he’d ever seen you truly cry, and it was unfortunately a feeling he knew all too well. Being a foreigner, all alone, and not even having the safety of friends or family around. He knew how lonely you must be feeling without your family.

“It’s okay baby, i’m here when you need me. Cry all you need to, i’m not leaving…”

_________________

Renjun 

You were sitting on the floor of his dorm room, as he attempted to clean up a little. Sharing a room with a bunch of guys often meant it was messy, and usually you’d offer to help. Though after the 3rd time of you ending up cleaning up for him, and decided to just sit on his bed and read. It was probably your favourite book, but the ending always made you tear up a little because you got attached to the male lead character.

“Oh my gosh, this plate must have been here since our debut! It’s moldy and stinks. No wonder why we couldn’t find out where that smell was coming from…” Renjun exclaimed, holding a plate with what may have once been food,  from under one of the other members bed. He looked over to you, to see you in tears. The book face down on his bed.

“Is the smell REALLY that bad that you’re crying?”

“No you dork, my favourite character just died…” you sniffled, whipping your tears away.

“Aw, i’m sorry. Will a cuddle help?” he asked, walking towards you.

“Once you throw that nasty thing away, and sanitize your hands,” you giggled through a couple more tears.

“As you wish…”

___________

Jeno 

Movie nights with Jeno were one of your favourite things. The two of you cuddled up together with popcorn and a package of chocolate chips which were also sprinkled around the bowl. It was his turn to pick the movie, but he suggested you picked it together in celebration of your 6 months anniversary. You settled on a film called ‘The Boy in the Stripped Pyjamas’ which neither of you have watched. The reviews were really good, it seemed interesting with the theme being around the war. 

Little did you know, it was the most heartbreaking movie you’ve seen in a very long time. Most of the movie you were trying to hold back tears; but halfway through the movie, you tucked your face into his shirt and small sniffling started to escape your mouth. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, patting the top of your head.

“No…” you whispered, gripping his shirt a little; your face still buried in his chest.

“You’re so cute when you’re cuddled like this, but don’t be sad. It hurts my heart for you to cry like this.”

______________

Haechan

“Can I see your hair?” Haechan asked as you pulled the hoodie tighter to your head.

“No! I look awful! It’s so short and my mom did such a bad job!”

“There is no way it could be that bad, just take off the hood.”

“Please don’t make fun of me…” you whispered, removing the hood. Your hair which once touched the middle of your back, now sat just above your shoulders, “I look like Dora the Explorer.” 

“I thought you said it was bad?” Haechan wiped a tear from your eyes as you stared at the ground. 

“I hate my stupid brother! I can’t believe he got my hair sucked up in the blowdryer!” 

“It’s okay, I think this length looks cute on you. I like short hair anyways. If you want though… I’ll go with you to the hair salon so you can get it styled in a way you like. There is no need to cry angel.”

_____________

Jaemin

(Y’all he looks so good in this gif)

“I’m really glad no one recognized us yet” Jaemin exclaimed as you two walked around the theme park. “I’m so glad we could go on a date in public without being harassed. I really want to ride the ferris wheel with you. I know heights aren’t really fun, but I think it would be romantic for us to be together.”

“U-uh yeah…” you smiled nervously. You were terrified of heights, but since Jaemin seemed to want to go on, you tried to hide your fears. He pulled you into the line and held your hand tight. The wait felt like forever, as people were loaded into the cars one by one. Each group that got loaded in, meant you were closer to getting on and being lifted over 50 feet in the air. Only two more groups stood from you and the front. You gripped his hand tighter as tears started to escape from your tear ducts. 

“H-hey what’s wrong?” he asked looking at you with concern.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t do this. I’m too scared!” you cried.

“It’s okay, you should have just told me! We can go on something else if you’d like. Is the tea cups okay? We can go on that if you prefer?”

____________

Chenle

Ever since you moved to Korea a few years ago, your birthdays were often uneventful. Most of your friends still lived in your hometown, which meant “celebrating with friends” was just a 4 hour Skype conversation. Even though you had your first actual boyfriend, you expected that this year would be no exception. Chenle told you he had a schedule all day, and unfortunately would have to take you out another day. 

“Hey y/n! Happy Birthday!” your best friend cheered into the phone.

“Ah thank you! I wish I could see your face. I miss you so much!”

“I’m sorry, we’ll have to Skype later tonight. I’m out for a bit, but once I get home we can Skype.”

“This is good enough for now. I’m just so glad to hear a friendly voice. I never realized how lonely it can be when you have to celebrate your birthday alone,” you whined as you flopped onto your bed.

“Cheer up! You have Chenle now!” 

“Yeah I know, and I really wish he was here right now. He said he’s busy, so we’re going on a date another day to makeup for it.” That is when you heard a knock on your door. You rolled off your bed and went to answer the door, still not hanging up with your friend.

“He’s a good boyfriend though, from what you’ve told me.”

“I know, he’s fantastic… give me one second, someone is at the door” you sighed. You pulled open the door to see two familiar faces…

 “Happy Birthday y/n!” Chenle cheered, pushing your best friend in front of him. 

“OH MY GOD! YOU’RE HERE!? YOU’RE IN KOREA! DID CHENLE GET YOU HERE?!” You screamed, hugging your best friend. She nodded vigorously. You were crying so much as you clung onto your friend, holding them tighter than ever before. You had to pry yourself from your friend before attaching yourself to Chenle. Tears streamed down your face even harder as he tried to wipe some of them away with his thumb. 

“Thank you Chenle so much, this is the best present ever! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!”

“Anything for you… I know how lonely you were without your friends, so I thought i’d help bring one of them to you to make you happy.”

____________

Jisung

You were hunched over your desk with dozens of papers scattered everywhere, and your text book wide open. You had so many final exams coming up, and were up to your eyeballs in homework. On top of that, you had vocal and dance classes to attend, since you were still a trainee. Things were just starting to get too much, too quickly, and you didn’t know how to cope with the stress. 

“Hey y/n, are you ready for our anniversary date?” Jisung asked, sneaking up behind you.

“That was today?!” you gasped, turning your head to face him.

“Yeah, did you forget?”

“I’m so so so sorry! I’ve been so busy, and I need to study, and I just have so much to do! It just escaped my mind, because of all of my things are due so quickly and I just can’t handle it!”

“If tonight it’s good, we can just reschedule I guess…”

“Please don’t be disappointed! I’m so sorry, I just-I can’t handle this anymore! I’m so stressed out, and I don’t know what to do!” you cried. Jisung was shocked to see you cry, but saw how hurt you were, and gave you a big hug.

“Don’t cry sweetie, i’ll order some food for us while you study, and maybe I can help you out? Then when you’re done, I’ll give you all the hugs you need.”

_______________

(BONUS) Lucas 

He wants to be in NCT Dream, so why the hell not.

(He’s so hot, i’m gonna bust a nut. I love those glasses on him. He’s not even my bias)

It was his first stage debut with NCT U; performing BOSS live on TV. You knew how hard he had been working, and how long he had been waiting for this day. You couldn’t help but be so proud of him, as he prepared for the stage. You stood off to the side, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek and cheered for him, before he walked into the stage. 

Maybe it was the way he looked in his outfit, the way his voice growled when he rapped his lines, or just the overjoyed expression on his face. He was happy, and was doing something he prepared so long for. The overwhelming emotions started to pour out of you as did the tears. You were sobbing happy tears for him. Seeing your boyfriend finally getting to debut made you cry like you’ve never cried before.

When he got off the stage, he quickly ran to you and picked you up in a big swinging hug. When he set you back down and looked into your eyes, he saw them glossed over with tears.

“Baby, why are you crying?” he asked.

“I’m so proud of you! I love seeing you like this, and I’m just so happy for you! Can I not be proud of my boyfriend?!”

“Don’t cry, you’ll make me want to cry. I like it when you give me kisses, not tears, so do that instead please,” he admitted, puckering his lips out a bit.

“You’re lucky I love you…”

#nct dream #nct #Mark lee #renjun #jeno #haechan #jaemin #chenle #jisung #lucas #yukhei

[tylerwritez]

Saturday, June 19 2021

I dont know how I feel about the day yet cos right now its only 10:13. I dont post these exactly on the days I write them, but I write them on these exact days nonetheless.

My throat still hurts, my ass hurts, oUch,.... I'm sure you know why. Like, when you suck dick, it takes throat strength to make sure you don't fucking vomit everywhere and like. I OBVIOUSLY dont have that strength since I had to wash vomit outta my hair this morning

Hes so hot tho oh. My god.

Whatever. New day. So we talk about new things.

Star seems kinda sad but I dont really know why? She said on her story that people dont really go outta their way to talk to her... idk. I shot a good morning dm and now I'm here. I made my bed. Packed up my shit. Every time we pack things up my parents rage cos they always find shit they dont want to see: monster cans, evidence of my self harm, etc.

We have 1 more week then school is OVER and I move outta this house cos of the divorce. Jay will be gone too... I still have his insta, but I might ask for his number... just in case. I always get weirdly attached to people I fuck even if there was never any romantic part of the relationship. We are just friends.

Apparently we are going to the pick n pack today with my friend let's call her Zara. It's notfar off from her real name but whatever. Basically pick n pack is where you go to a vegetable garden and pick vegetables

I have a test soon but idk if I'll study for it. I NEVER really put work into studying or pay attention in class and I'm holding an 82 average. I got a 39 once, so once I retake that quiz I might be in the 90s. Sorry Mr. Renal, I simply can't bring myself to care about your class 😢

I LOVE my art class tho. It's just doing ART!!!! ART TIME!!!! Art is the best and I would post some of mine but my irls would proabably find me then. Like my name isnt ACTUALLY Jude Shepard. I'm just using it as a penname and also cos that's what they called me in my dream. But other than that everything I tell y'all is real. I'm making buttered toast rn.

3:38 p.m.  sat june 19th

I've decided to include a song recommendation with every entry. Today's recommendation: A Match Into Water by Pierce The Veil

Okay so it turns out we didnt go to pick n pack with Zara. Instead we went to downtown... White Ave. It was sunny n we walked a bit, got lemonades and a bit of candy, went into stores, idk. BUT. The notable part of this is that next to the farmers market there were all the usual activist groups: falun gong, vegan, whatever... but one of them looked like it was a LEFTIST GROUP, possible marxist.

I wanted to talk to them so badly and wanted to see how I could help the cause. See, I'm a communist. AND IM NOT HERE TO DEBATE THAT. I'm here to talk about my days. Anwyays I wanted to talk to them sO BADLY. but my parents wouldn't leave me alone. And like. I hate political discussion with them. They just upset me and they get mad and I CANT AFFORD TO MAKE THEM MAD. I play everything that goes on with me on the Down Low, I dont talk about anything about myself because if I do, I get less freedom in my life. They have control in my life, so I have to appease them. Because of this, I unfortunately did not get to talk to the communists :(

Hopefully they're still there next time... I'm kinda mad >:(

Also Star replied to my good morning text... I told her to have fun shopping since that's what she told me she was gonna do... she just said "thanks" and I was concerned because THATS NOT HOW SHE TYPES? I feel like shes sad over something but i dont know what.

The day me and Jacob did stuff, I was supposed to walk her to her bus stop like I always do. But I didnt (duh) I took Jacob home.

But IT WAS ONE! DAY. And I told her my dad called me over so.... I apologized too and she seemed mad at herself, but in the way that's intended to make you feel bad.

I dont understand her sometimes. I LOVE HER. DON'T GET ME WRONG. I love her so so much shes such a great supportive funny attractive girl! But soemtimes she gets upset and I can never tell why: is it the depression? Is it me? Is it soemthing else entirely? And she'll never tell me.

Whatever, I'll ask her how she is tonight and maybe we can Talk :/

I might never tell her about Jay... :P I might never tell ANYONE about Jay. It's our little secret I guess >:))))))

Man see? I'm no saint. I guess that's what'll make this blog worth reading. I'm a bit conflicted about the whole thing cos I KNOW this is morally not right but. I'm doing it anyways. What can I say? I'm used to lying and hiding things for my benefit. I had to do it to survive and now? Now I do it for funsies.

I'm gonna pack some more stuff, TTYL ♡

UPDATE: we had to go look at houses for the move (since my parents r divorcing) and I didnt get to pack much of anything yet

I'm definently over my cal limit today...

        Cold sweet or carbonated drinks help with my throat pain so I'm downing them like they're NOTHING and since we have no zero  cal cold drinks I'm DEAD... and no, water does NOTHING.

Jeez, its raining out.

And FUCK JAY cos hes still on my mind.

Its 4:11 p.m. now.

Its now 7:56 p.m.

I kinda feel like an edgy main character in an edgy movie rolling up to the park and sitting #alone in the Treez like the emo band music video protagonist I am.

Sometimes its exhausting to talk to people I care about in a serious way or that I talk to in a more sincere manner like Star and Jay and others. Even if they're just friends. If our interactions are serious and not really casual and usually play out like long deep conversation, I feel like to respond to or even read their messages, I need to have like an hour allotted to conversation. Soemtimes I see the messages early and have to pretend I didnt see em cos I dont have internet to respond or time to respond its. Funny. Idk.

Anwyays I'm binging chocolate in a park alone and like. Rotting my fucking teeth OH WELL 🤷🏻‍♂️ whatcha gonna do.

Its 8 now so I should head home. I just biked to the s4ve 0ns to get my dad white choclate but. If I'm going to s4ve 0ns... YOU BET YOUR ASS IM GONNA STE4L SHIT. THAT PLACE IS EASY AS FUCKKK.

Also I'm kinda addicted to sh0pl1fting. The THRILL I get from it is so insane. It's fun! And you get free stuff! I know If i get caught I'm risking a lot. I'm aware. But I dont really care. Every step I take nowadays is risk taking. So why not take more?

I dont care about nonsense therapy. Fuck that.... actually I'll explain why i dont go to therapy for my shit:

1. I cant

2. I don't trust it

Anwyays yeah.

My throat still hurts. Idk, I just like to be in the sun and shit ALONE.

ALONE! It's so funny to me how now I like my time alone but as a kid I'd proabably kill for some positive attention. Well... it's more complex than that, but I wont go into it tonight.

Pls watch me die of diabetes soon from eating all this fucking chocolate.

My parents said to stop drinking monster and I wANT THEM TO TRUST ME so i can go out with my friends... but also I shoulda got monster outta spite. Heart palpitations my ASS.

Tonight I'll be talking to Jay AND Star. At the same time. Which is awkward... Which is MY OWN MESS TO CLEAN UP. I actually accept full responsibility. But also its awkward.

Whatever. I'll sort it out.

My parents arent being as complicated as usual. I guess they're tryna reverse all those years of... emotional neglect i guess? Something.

Something. Which isnt nothing.

But also I think they're guilty over the divorce. Like. Today my dad was like "do u ever feel sad? Blah blah blah... how do u feel rn" and I was like smiling tryna play off his question like it was absurd and I said "uhm idk... *fake laugh* normal?"

THE TRUTH WAS THAT I WAS A BIT CONFUDDLED ABOUT WHAT I WAS GONNA DO REGARDING. LITERALLY CHEATING. ON MY GF. WITH SOME DUDE IN MY ART CLASS. JUST FOR SEX.

But then he was like "this isnt normal." And he looked all sad.  But on my way to the park here, I thought about it a bit more. And actually... it IS normal. The divorce rate is smthn like 60 percent in the states and 40 percent in canada... which is where I live.

Yknow... if my irls find this,,, all I have to say is sorry. Be as mean as you want.

I've already accepted my fate as a degenerate scumbag anyways lol.

Actually... how DO I feel? Hmm... laying in this field.

Urgency.

I have a lot of stuff to do.

Physical pain, but that's not. A FEELING.

I guess anticipation to TALK TO PEOPLE.

Regret from my binge... I better get home.

You know what's so funny to me? I cant purge on my own... but dick makes me vomit. Like the one time I DONT want to throw up, I do. Damn okay.

Well its 8:18 so I'm going home maybe. Soon. For now, I think I'll stay a little longer.

Yknow one thing I didn't expect to be sore was my arms... which I used to prop myself up to... yknow, suck Jay...

I still remember he said: "you're trembling." And I was like FUCK because I thought the trembling was HIM... •_• it's okay though I'll learn to do better.

Idk tho... I feel comfortable with him. Even as nervous as I am and embarrassed to be. Naked. In front of soemone else. And such. He makes me feel comfortable. Look, I did my best, DUH of cOURSE I did my best, I'm the type who will work hard at stuff even if they're getting hurt. I didnt mind honeslty. My goal in that part was just to make him feel good. Equal exchange, yknow? He did the same thing to me.

But like, he can tell when I gag and he tells me not to hurt myself and of course I keep going, I'm not about to SToP. But. I dont kNOW. Him talking to me like that makes me feel a lot safer doing stuff like that you know?

I like when he starts kissing me and touching me like he cant contain himself its almost animalistic and VERY FUCKING HOT

I feel like I talk about him too much but you gotta realize that was my FIRST time

1. Sucking dick

2. having MY junk sucked

3. Having anything put. Inside me. (It was just his finger but stILL)

So yeaH. Of course I'm gonna talk about it. A lot.

He said I was adorable. He said he likes how, when he leans over me, I take in a breath... how he could make me flinch.

THATS HOT ISNT IT.

I feel like I'm getting lost in his charm when I shoULD be tryna fix shit with my girlfriend. She seems sad and I'm worried.

But there isnt much more to say until I DM her tonight...

I really fucked up, didn't I? I totally fucked up and now my brain is all confused. But I have to remember that Jay is only about sex. He would be nice to cuddle, since hes fucking HUGE and I'm kinda on the short side, but he doesnt talk to me out of love. He does it out of lust. And yeah... I really only want sex from him too. But like. Star and I are COMMITTED. We got our feelings wrapped up together. Emotionally and romantically.

So. I should proabably like... stop fucking with Jay. Tell Star what I did. And hope she forgives me. That's the morally correct thing to do.

But like... do I EVER make the morally correct decision? No. Not really. I'm a piece of shit. Whatever. Its highschool anwyays we arent mating for life. IM NOT SAYING WHAT I DID WASNT BAD. IT WAS. VERY BAD.

but I'm gonna keep making bad decisions.

I DO FEEL BAD.... but look. If we're being logical about this and tryna maximize my benefit here,, I should keep Star as my girlfriend and TREAT HER WELL... but with Jay as a fuckbuddy on the side. Hes leaving the school soon anwyays so then we'll hang out less...

That's my plan, anyways.

I KNOW I'm a bad person. I'm aware. But it's just a fact of life.

I'm cheating with my cards here in so many places: stealing, lying, cheating, disobeying my parents, not paying attention in class.. IM KIND OF AN ASSHOLE KID. Idk. It's kinda whatever to me. I'm fucking harry Houdini, okay? I can get out of anyhting. This isnt me being cocky... I have historically gotten out of MANY tight situations, even some that risked my life, and I'm still here. I think I'm a walking lucky charm or SOEMTHING

Welp, we know if gods real I'm going to hell.

I dont really care. Idk. I guess I'm just at that risk taking phase in.my life. That doesnt  justify anything... but it explains it. And it's possible to explain without justifying.

Man,,, I guarantee whoever reads this blog is gonna hate my guts.

Whatever. It's my fucking journal/diary lol.

I can sorta say whatever I'd like.

It's funny because I always thought I was trustworthy and had no commitment issues BUT HEY I GUESS NOT.

I keep telling myself, cut him off, YOU AVE A GIRLFRIEND, FESS UP AND APOLOGIZE... but then I picture his STUPID smirking face and I CANT.

Maybe I am in love double.

Doesnt matter if I am... i still did a bad thing.

DAMN.

Well... I'm headed back home now. 8:41. I'm gonna pack my shit, change, watch youtube,,,, I guess I should check my google classroom and like. do my fucking homework... cos I haven't done it yet.

Then I'll update yall.

11:51 p.m.

Hey guys I'm back with an update.

I talked with both of then... star doesnt seem interested in having an actual conversation,,, shes just talking  about  random bs. Which is fine but I dont rly get what shes saying half the time COS SHES NOT BLUNT ENOUGH. and then the other half shes going on about how much she hates life. Like.

I do love her. We've bonded. I AM concerned about her. But sometimes I feel like she doesn't really try. Like I can talk her down from suicide all I want but everything I say is wrong and cliched and based off my own experience with suicidal thoughts and like... my mentality has always been sorta toxicly masculine. Push through, and push through alone. I CANT ALWAYS HELP! And it makes me feel shitty. Idk. She'll be okay, I know so cos of her story posts and drawings.

I feel bad but I know I can't help much. We talked a little. Idk, we didnt get anywhere. I love her but shes acting in a way that tells me soemthing is wrong but I CANT FIX THAT THING. SO. yeah, theres not much to say. I wish I could take away all her pain but I can't.

I talked to Jay as well... I DONT KNOW WHATS HAPPENING BECAUSE I LIKE HIM SO SO MUCH. SO MUCH. HES LITERALLY PERFECT. sexy, kind and super considerate, he always makes sure I'm comfortable... I dont KNOW,,, hes sweet.

Hes not romantically interested in me. Which is a bit sad. Sometimes I want to tell him "I love you!!!" But then I remember that we are, in his words, friends with benefits. Fuck buddies. Two horny teenage boys who just wanna fuck... and be friends. That's all. That's us. We aren't romantically involved nor will we ever be. I hate how my brain gets so attached to anyone I fuck... especially since I kinda see Jay as an "older brother" figure, which makes no sense until you actually meet him and vibe with him... and like,,, I've always wanted that?

Tommorow I'm gonna ask for him to come over to watch a movie... but idk if I should actually ask because my parents kinda hate me now for fucking up so much. I'll do my homework and clean my room first... which will take up all my time proabably :( it's okay. Maybe some other time :(

I dont want him to lose interest in me though.

.... its 1:56 a.m.

Okay. Okay. I'll say it. I love him.

Goodnight, tumblr.

-Jude

#JudeJournals #jude shepard #tumblr diary #journal

[zigsexual]

murderking: part deux

it’s here my friends, just in time for the release of trr book two, we are about to board the ss conspiracy yet again,, set sail for…. MURDER

so lets talk about the coronation and sis there is LOTS to talk about

king constantine?? more like…. king constant murders

first off, everyone’s favorite ginger bitch

if u poor like me and didn’t buy the scene to follow her, let me fill u in with these screenshots i stole from tumblr

so her parents were traitors

believable enough right?? i mean this family does not have the greatest track record (read: fuckin luther #tbt to the medieval ages)

but like….. why tf would anyone try to start a goddamn coup in cordonia

first of all the main export here is apples,,, one shitty winter and there goes the GDP

pick a better country fam!!! coup the shit out of like sweden or something, idk!!

like really tho what was their supposed “plan” here

assassinate the king? uhhh fam he got two damn sons

the nevrakis not even really that close in relation to the royal family,, they ain’t heirs!!!! how tf they gonna get this damn kingdom to support them after they overthrow a monarchy

cordonia really does it By The Books as we have learned from the ridiculous marriage/coronation law so p sure they would have just crowned leo’s teenage ass and wifed him up

and if the nevrakis took him out too then u best believe liam’s royal diaper would be sitting on that fuckin throne

toddlers & tiaras whoMST

cordonia don’t fux with logic!!!! democracy???? no place for it here!!!!

there’s no way that traitor shit is true

notice how she only says “King” and not queen or monarchy or royalty, etc….. hmmm yes very interesting….

oh also forgot to mention this but all this info is delivered by an ANONYMOUS LETTER?????? With PROOF ENCLOSED???

who is out here keepin receipts like this!!!

not maxwell!! he’s like fuckin three when this shit goin down; a bich out here concerned about potty training or w/e like he aint keeping a burn book

not madeleine!!! i mean she an old hoe for all we know (tryna marry liam’s older brother smh) so what she’s maybe like 8 or 9??? old enough to be shady on the playground but not in the damn palace

so who do we have with the means to make convincing old ass royal documents proving an assassination attempt/planned coup as well as the motive to get olivia the fuck out the way??????

hmMMmMMMmMmmM i wOnDeR wHo it could bE

cLEArLy cordonia is ready to bust a nut for the royals ok

bust a nut……. OR……. believe a completely implausible assassination story cop-out??? believe that two members of a prominent family (the nevrakis) were ~mysteriously killed~ for some god-knows-what reason, apparently with absolutely no thorough criminal investigation into the matter???????

👀👀👀

more likely than u think

ok now we get a plot twist: whos the one who has CANONICALLY been keeping this (bull)shit a secret all along?

THIS A MURDERKING POST!!!!!! OBVIOUSLY ITS MURDERKING

“i don’t know why he did it” ME NEITHER!!! MAKES NO SENSE!!! PROBABLY BECAUSE IT’S A LIE!!!!!!!!

maybe a small mercy for the surviving daughter of [the people he goDtDaMN murDeRD]

“maybe because revealing the plot would’ve been worse for cordonia’s stability than covering it up” uhhhh OR HE MADE THAT SHIT UP SIS!!! REVEALING THE PLOT GIVES PEOPLE THE CHANCE TO POKE THE DAMN HOLES

tbh she right tho i mean revealing the plot (of MURDERKING) would have been v bad for cordonia’s stability so can’t argue with her there

literally why this ominous as fuck final line

what the fuck u got this king to thank 4 sis

what he ever done 4 u

nnnnnnnn get in ur rolls royce and GO olivia!!!!!! run ur bich ass all the way to the POLICE

ok so now, from the mouth of the man himself

a sappy speech for his son?

THINK AGAIN FOLKS

“always hoped”????? ummmmm sir

sir did u forget

ur son leo

he’s here like he’s not on a damn cruise rn he in ur ballroom fuckin watchin u say this shit

miss me with that ivanka/tiffany dynamic

“it feels as though this outcome was……. inevitable”

ok so i added that emphasis but don’t even lie,, u totally read it like that didn’t u

do i even gotta!!!!!! like what!!!! this some frank underwood type foreshadowing right here

reliable??? steady??? sounds like an excellent pawn to me!! let me just house of cards his ass!!!!!!!!!!! (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

“you will be the king that cordonia needs”

sir…… u really gotta get them speeches PROOFREAD by ur shady ass wife

regina be like uhh take out the part where u deadass reveal the plan maybe?

meanwhile liam just :)

not knowin shit

not helpin our ass for shit

w/e i got a bone to pick with liam rn like he’s still a Snack but he’s a Messy Snack like one of those nature valley bars out here leavin damn crumbs everywhere

tbh i don’t even know where this is going anymore I forgot my thesis time 2 conclude

the king that cordonia needs

basically murderking knows that liam is the spineless one

LOOK ok DO NOT COME FOR ME liam is a sweet bean and a gentle gingersnap but also he whipped out his dicc for madeleine waaaaay too fast if u ask me,, he been Trained

idk what olivia’s parents knew,, some shit probably or else they wouldn’t be worm food

but it’s pretty clear madeleine is the Chosen One™ 

leo fucked it up so now he out

liam ABouT to fuck it up,, so the king got rid of option #1 (mc) and option #2 (olivia)

and now madeleine is gonna be the queen, liam is gonna be the king, and constantine has… TRIUMPHED?!?!?!

stay tuned biches

xoxo gossip sarah

#murderking #playchoices #the royal romance #HE BACK FOLKS #omg im so tired honestly this was emotionally draining #THIS IS A CRACK THEORY!!!!! FYI #p sure y'all know that by now but u can never be too safe

[pokefanbri]

1st I have to say this b4 I repeat the post from fb. This is a place where I can speak my mind freely without judgement, speak my peace even. Which is exactly what im gonna do so prepare for a read. So think what u want idc, but the last thing I wanna do is tick some1 I know off cause on some level there's a mutual appreciation & respect regardless of my impression. And anyone that reads this isn't obligated to understand my opinion & I dont expect u to. With my brain its my thought process to let information out of my head so I can put things aside, observe & absorb more lol. Writing is another tool or coping mechanism for my anxieties & other psych ailments, treatment for my mental health depends on it & other hobbies in other words, especially during shutdown, something to focus on. Heck even youtube is recommended by my doctor if it keeps me happy lol. But because ill be working again, I may not have time to do alot of things I like sadly..idk i just wouldnt want to be burnt out & focus on more important things. I have a high respect for anyone working around people during this time & it must worrisome for u too, means I have to keep on my toes as well soon..its a scary world out there for an introvert but I was killin it in NY too. It was just a slow steady process with all the limitations & moving my life up there wasn't easy to begin with but I pulled through & did it all...only for it to be taken away.

So, I'm an Irish, German, Canadian,British Mut from tucson. Maternal & paternal immidiate families lineage mixed made me, including my NY blood from my bio dad. The rest is all over Europe but u get the idea. Tucson may be where i was born & my 1st home without a father & raised not knowing (were mardi gras babies btw 😒)

But NY is & will forever be my 2nd home i dont care what any1 says, I felt I belonged there. Its the other half of me quite literally.Theres a memory that's really been bugging me. Last day b4 i left it, a bald eagle flew across my path in the sky no joke going NE & I was departing back to the SW. I chose the eagle years ago cause I identify with it. including the background symbolism in different phases of my life that included them lol, but to actually see one was just amazing.

They symbolize strength+freedom in general despite it standing for the country from sea to shining sea lol. Also Braviary was always in my pokemon team besides pikachu since its gen came out lol. I've always been strong, whether some believe it to be true or not is their problem, only I know the things I've gone through. Point is different ends of the spectrum its always been with me throughout in some way & im glad i got to share it with someone that gave me the freedom I needed.

But yea I experienced what its like to be there & got to know that part of me even if I didn't find him & maybe didnt care...I feel I was meant to be there. I was in touch with my roots, lower Temps & above sea level rather than high temps & below sea level 🤣 I loved everything about my time up there. It'll always be a part of me, & I hope to see it again. But I digress.

But in regards to the relationship itself, emphasizing on what i said b4. Just as it i got "settled" in it was gone & I had no clue what was happening without my knowledge, the whole plan to bring me back, all of it, the whole chain of events that unfolded the way it did starting with leaving a marriage in the 1st place to be with him i mean come on lol. Chasing a dream that didn't play out the way we had hoped. I took leap of faith & I ended up starting over twice in 1 year with no benefit of the doubt. I still have my ny health insurance for the rest of the yr, I have to add it to my list to apply again in az. Ive been wearing the wrong prescription glasses for 6 months under quarantine & they're just now getting to stage 4 of opening lol. Just understand how frustrating that actually is for someone like me & u totally get it 😅 U want to take care of business but sometimes you're limited & gotta work around it. had all that covered there & then was told I settled, wrong thing to say & its no wonder I didn't blow up in his face right there & then 😒. But I have retraint & can control myself. Though it was out of my hands the new relationship didn't have to go sour, been just as long if not more, could've actually thrived given the proper balance with room to grow. Idk, Sometimes I honestly don't think anyone believed in me. I mean I have no debt, no record, no kids, im a clean slate type of girl lol. Yes I did end up feeling unappreciated, underestimated, a bit neglected, insecure about my body, ashamed for being myself, & I shouldn't have to feel that way at all & if that happens there obviously something off. I just didnt know what it is he wanted & needed, i wanted to help & be a good partner to this dude but why is it bad to ask the same in return? I shouldn't have to drastically change myself to fit someones standard i know, but...i needed the old him back, I missed the old us & wanted to get back to that.. Was always so closed off & probably ended up in his own head who knows, maybe there was guilt for some of the things he did & didnt want to hurt me anymore, spare my feelings any more than it did b4 it was too late.idk whatever the excuse i still don't know what triggered it all to fail so easily & i don't think i ever will. But ending up with the conclusion that I was the problem, its narcissistic to even believe that & i won't accept it. Not when he can't confront his own issuse & put blame onto himself too.. it was a low blow & literally felt like my heart was pierced at the sound of it. If im to blame its the other way around as well. My point of view wasn't acknowledged so this is my take & experiences of happened so plz dont hate me for speaking my truth.

But yea I can tell when somethings not right & feel strong empathy for others emotions. I knew something was different, there were signs everywhere since the mistrust started & during the last half of that time with him I questioned everything but sat in my own headspace as well as he did just thinking about it. If anything we failed eachother, the blame is on us both but idk what else i could've done to get through to him. That's the stubbornness, he wouldn't budge. Despite how things went down..Leaves me to think, what was the point of having me there in the 1st place, to not follow through with our shared hopes & dreams but instead spiral into such resentment for me that the interest faded. But at the at the same time...even if it ended early for him, I didn't give up & I fought to keep us okay which it was for the most part. Hindsight is 20/20, it definitely wasn't negative all the time. In fact things were great between us & acted like goofballs together, that right there is a friend despite if the stronger feelings weren't mutual. Nobody with hate in their heart acts like that, he was good, the best, cheered me up when I was down, shared interests & did things for eachother. But that alone makes me question what was truth & what was fiction sometimes ever since the trust between us started to fade. Am I in the right to feel what im feeling right now? Im angry & upset yes very, but the kindness he had throughout..he did care in his own way...which makes things so much harder.

Tripadoodle if some way you're listening, I hope u know now where im coming from. For your own benefit & quest to be a better man like you always wanted...actually try. Head my advice. Making yourself better shouldn't be put on a womans shoulders to do for u without her getting lifted in return...its alot of weight to handle for 1 person to carry lol. Get off your ass & build on yourself, learn from everything that happened & become better for yourself & the sake of others, Because it starts with u. Go to church if possible or watch them, it really does help. Even from across the country I still want u to do just as good & help u as a friend. You promised we could remain friends & im holding my end of the bargain whether u like it or not lol it was your idea during the ride here. All I wanted in the end was to not lose u in my life completely...but i should be patient i know.. Theres more space, im not contacting u directly & respecting that, eventually ill stfu lol but I feel I need this rn. I should hate u,but I cant hate u, I do still care, u had that affect on me so much that I can't really listen to others when they say ur a douchbag lol, u were still my rock the whole time even if u didn't feel the same after a while & u did help me alot as well. I see the good in people & u are good, with well balanced snarkiness & humorous sass to boot. light a fire under ur own ass & ull be okay lol. Never stopped believing in u. Ive seen what you can do, you're very smart & know your sh*t, u will go far lol. And as a friend I'd lend u my strength if I could but the most I can do is pray for things like safety/protection, healing, forgiveness, guidance, etc. Leave it to God if u feel compelled to. Give zanabell a hug for me.

God i talk way too much 😅 No im not doing any of this for attention, I want my voice to be heard as well as a possible learning experience if it had that effect on anyone. The things we learn build character & help us understand a little more about ourselves. Probably shouldn't share cuz its nobody's business, yea ive thought of that too.. But its a blog lol, Tumblr allowed it to be that space, opinions and rants are allowed & encouraged. Nothing wrong with that 🤷‍♀️ so who gives a crap.

These are pictures of the NY sunrise & AZ sunset. Clouds always get me cuz of the shapes, used to to take pics of them all the time. once saw mario holding a hammer when I was a kid 😂 3rd & 4th pic is a split rainbow, never seen that b4...either someone found the gold or its deciding whether or not to connect. Probably was connected but I missed it lol. But then I looked behind me after the split 1 disappeared & a double rainbow was forming. Nature can be scary but also beautiful