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nexusnyx · 1 year

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fuel to fire

#NightSkyChallenge: Prompt 8 — The night it finally happens. [“I’ve been waiting for this for a long time now.”] [5.8k]

— Joel Miller x f!Reader — Summary: His brain was cursed by words she read not too long ago, even if it felt like a lifetime already. When you come back to him, Joel's hit with the notion—there was no denying what you were. What you meant to him. — A/n: This is a sequel to imagine being loved by me, but it can be read as a stand-alone. I love my old man and I wanted him to have the end of the book. [shrugs] | 🏷️ Tags: pre-established relationship, roadtrip, sexual tension, making out, some horny thoughts (& promises), a more possessive!Joel than I'm used to; Ellie & Reader bond; pre-smut build up.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤmasterlist | part one ←

ㅤㅤㅤdo you want me on your mind ㅤㅤㅤor do you want me to go on ㅤㅤㅤi might be yours as sure as i can say ㅤㅤㅤbe gone be faraway 🎧

Coincidences were not real.

When the third so-called coincidence happens, saving not only Joel's but also Ellie's life as consequence, he knows something bigger than him is happening.

Of course, his ear is ringing when he realizes that, and he's in shock for the countless moment in his life—frozen and unable to stop the panicking heartbeat rising inside his chest because he almost died, again, and Ellie almost died, again, but something intervened and—

it's you.

Joel's chest expands. It grows what feels like two sizes, and he gasps. Out loud.

The two bandits who only just a minute ago tried robbing him and Ellie are dead on the ground, and yet, all Joel sees is you. He wants to scream at the top of his lungs — his whole chest itches with the despair that the sight of you causes, but what wins is the knot in his throat, the sting in his eyes, the undeniable wave crash of relief over the fact that you're here.

Joel dashes.

He runs to you, his own feet moving before his brain is back to functioning.

Hugging is not something he does.

He's cradled you in his arms before, he has slept in your arms and had you sleeping on his chest, all tangled in his limbs, but hugging is like kissing.

It's intimate. Raw. He avoided it for the longest time, much like he ignores the idea of feeling anything or still being alive.

Still — When his arms wrap around you, they do it tightly.

His scream is kept inside, and Joel only breaks in your shore with how much he feels for the fact that you're here, you're here. He crashes against you, hugs on tight, squeezes, inundating you with his smell of blood and sweat and Joel — he's shaking, but beyond caring. You're here.

If you mind the way he throws himself at you, it's only for a second. There's a moment of delay when Joel's trembling is too much for him to have space to realize how rigid you've turned out of nowhere, and then — it's gone.

The incessant and annoying goddamn ringing from the shots is continuous. His ears register your voice nonetheless.

"I expected a lot more screaming, but... this definitely makes up for the sixteen hours drives."

He feels your arms wrapping sort of weirdly around him.

He recalls there's a gun still in your hand, and that's probably why — Joel knows your finger's off the trigger, and he just wished you'd press your hands on him, gun or no gun. Your hands are stronger than they seem and he's missed them.

Knows you're shaking, too, and not because he feels it, but because he knows you hate fire weapons.

His hands hold onto the back of your head, hips, he grips your arms.

So, not a dream. Or a hallucination.

"You're here," he babbles.

"I'm here," you confirm.

Joel buries his nose in your neck, in your hair, smelling you. He can barely soak up your words and his body is in too much shock to feel the hug that's grounding him, but the more he feels you, the more he's okay.

It's only when Joel hears the sound of his name being screamed that everything slots back into place again with a click.

"Joel!"

Ellie.

He whips around, panic rising again over a new reason.

The wild monologues that start whenever she's around danger go at hundreds of miles per hour. The 'is she okay did she get hit is she hurt are you hurt is everything okay' —

"Are you ok?" he echoes, hands still resting on your shoulders.

Ellie's eyes are on you instead of him.

"Who's this?"

Joel turned his right side to Ellie — the habit of keeping his good ear to you seems to be sewn just as tight as ever in him, and he hears your scoff before your words. "This is so fucking insane."

Ellie looks over to Joel. "Yeah, I'm ok. You know her?" she asks again, all in one breath.

He nods. "I do." His hand squeezes on your shoulder, hyper-aware out of nowhere that he isn't alone anymore on this, and they are still alive. Because of you. He turns to you. "I trust her. This is my —" fuck, he always hated this part. "Uh — we lived together."

"Hi." You offer Ellie your name, plain and simple, then turn your head to Joel. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

Ellie's not done with her questions. "If you trust her, why wasn't she with you when you and Tess went to get the battery? Or when you made the deal to take me?"

"Because Tess and I needed her to stay and take care of things 'till we came back," he answers. The implicit 'we never came back' hangs in the air, and Ellie's posture changes.

The only reservations in her shoulders evaporate, and she nods.

That's all she seems to need to accept you — an explanation and the guarantee that you have his trust; Joel's surprised by how fast she is to trust his words. His judge of character, or situations, and not for the first time.

"How did you find us?" Ellie asks, and this time, it's directed at you.

It's Joel who answers, though. "She's one helluva tracker, that's how."

He sees you nodding at Ellie, and wonders if she said something in reply that his ears missed.

Joel's hand touches your face, still in awe. You lean against the touch, but his eyes don't miss it when it happens — the sweep.

"Where's Tess?"

Joel's stomach sinks.

It's been exactly three days since the Hotel incident.

Since Henry and Sam.

Since the taste of mourning, death, tragedy. All of it still lingered in his mouth, clouding his brain, creating tension between him and Ellie. The cycle of life, the fragility of everything and everyone around has made him uncomfortable since the outbreak, and even though all he craved was to offer the girl comfort, Joel was unsure he still knew how to.

Bile still rises high in his throat when you mention her name, and Joel feels for her death.

This time, it's an empathy feel — he feels it for you, and he's surprised when there's a tangible second wave of it; when Joel's eyes find Ellie's, she's looking away from you two.

Grief carries a heavy weight, and it becomes inevitable that it shows in the face.

"Oh," you say.

He doesn't hear it, but he sees your lips forming the word.

Joel hates the world, but he hates how impossible it is that everyone is doomed to living in it. Whether one wants it or not.

Fingers squeeze around his hand, and Joel looks into your eyes waiting for his. "Let's go. You can tell me everything on the way. We're heading to Wyoming, right?"

Ellie's widen at you, and Joel wonders how long it'll take for the hero worship to start.

He had it within two days of meeting you.

"We are," Ellie replies.

"Okay. We should get out of here. Ellie, right?" You let go of Joel to walk in her direction. "You okay, kiddo? Is anything bruised, something we need to look at before we get in the car?"

Ellie's look exchanged with Joel carries an entire conversation, and when she turns back to you, Joel realizes the weight she puts on his words.

"Ah — don't worry about me. I'm kinda — of immune. To the whole thing. It's why the grump over there's risking his neck to take me and everything. So. No need to worry. I'm all good."

You take in her words, look back at Joel in search of confirmation in his features and when you find it, you say it again. "Oh." His approval means things. He realizes that now, right there and then, because of both Ellie and now you.

That's all you need to believe it.

Joel needed a month, denying it to himself over and over until he was blue in the face, Tess was gone, and nothing fucking happened, and all it took was a slight nod from him for you to turn back to her and say,

"Well, immune or not you can still sprain something or get hurt. So — are you hurt? 'Cause we tend to any bruises before we keep going, and we really need to keep going. I'm sure these two idiots weren't alone."

Ellie moves her whole body as if doing a complete scan and nods to you, sharp and more obedient than she usually is with Joel. "I'm okay."

He sees you narrowing your eyes at her. "Ok. I'll believe you know yourself well enough to let us know if you need anything." With a tilt of your neck, you ask. "How old are you?"

"I'm fourteen. How old are you?"

"Oh, way older than fourteen."

"Really?! You look kinda young." Ellie grabs her backpack from the floor and swings it on her back, and you share a look with Joel before answering.

"Ah, I know. Looks can be deceiving, though. I was your age when the outbreak happened," you share.

Ellie gasps. "No way."

"Yes, way." You chuckle. "C'mon, old man. We need to get going. These roads are really dangerous."

It's horrendous how much can happen in such a short span of time.

Joel updates you on everything on the first night you three camp together.

Despite your numerous trips of over ten hours to catch up to them, you're the one behind wheels. It makes it easier to avoid Ellie's first-moment curiosity, to keep up a good path since Joel's eyes can focus on tiny details much better than yours, and you two need to go only a few hours away to know you've built up enough space between anyone who might've seen and wished to follow you guys and the impossibility of being found.

Setting camp mid-woods is easy. The kid — Ellie, fourteen, loud-mouthed, persistent, a volcano waiting to erupt — is good at following instructions, and she's been under Joel's systematic thumb long enough to know a lot without even needing a nudge.

By the time nightfalls arrive, Ellie's eyes are drooping.

You're re-organizing the supplies and only listening to her and Joel's short back-and-forth. It's entertaining, as much as it pokes at your curiosity.

He seems — comfortable.

In his own way.

He answers her, checks up on her, scoffs at her terrible attempts at conversation sometimes.

"Are you gonna finally sleep today?" she asks once her body's tucked inside the sleeping cot.

"She's here," he nudges his chin towards you. "So — yeah."

That means he's been up for some reason. Probably has something to do with the mess you found in their trail. With the tension that's so obvious in the air. That fragile and thin layer of something unsaid — something big and sad that happened and dented the air around them. You'll find out soon enough.

"Good." Ellie gets a little more comfortable inside it. "You're a little annoying without your beauty sleep."

You snort at it — it's too hard not to.

Joel gives you a pointed look, and you still notice the little aura of pride inside Ellie's bag.

It takes an hour before you're finished organizing things to your liking.

The tidying up was a way to placate you. Being in Joel's presence again sent you into disarray, even if you'd been searching for longer than a week already.

When he seems to deem the silence good enough — or maybe it's Ellie's deep quietude and lack of movement — Joel speaks up.

"How long did you drive? And how often?"

You turn to him, securing the trigger on your gun. "Longer than ten hours. A few days."

"The car?"

You roll your eyes. "You really think that gorgeous blue pick-up's the only car Frank's fixed over the past decade?"

Joel only nods. "How bad was it? Our trail?"

At that, you pause. Take a moment to respond, swallowing down the knot of guilt and bitterness you convince yourself is inexistent. "Bad." Just like Joel ignores the idea of feelings and living, you ignore the bile in your throat due to death. Horrors. Things you do or see. "Really bad, Joel."

He sighs and looks down at his lap, slowly. "Fuck," he mutters. "Fucking hell."

"Yeah."

"How worried should I be?"

"Not that worried. Whoever was in charge seems to be gone — the group's a bit of a wreck and whoever sent those few guys to find you will have a lot of other priorities besides a man and a kid they never met, I think."

He takes a while to nod at that, reading between your lines for the first time since the re-encounter.

I took care of it.

No one was coming after him, or the kid. Not now, not ever.

Not as long as you breathed and had a saying in it,

Joel opens his mouth and closes it. He looks away from you to say, "I've been trying my best, but — it's fucking hard."

"Of course it is." And of course this mountain of a man would be blaming himself. "I wouldn't have been able to find you two without it, if I'm being honest, but — there were more people coming after you two than I anticipated. You both and a Sam and Henry?"

Joel's head snaps up, and there it is.

The reason behind that thick and slimy feeling around him and Ellie — the veil of something you were absent to witness but still could smell in the air.

"What happened?" you ask.

Joel looks over at Ellie's sleeping cot, sighing once more. "You wanna know just about them or... can I go from the start?"

"That'd be nice."

"Alright." So he starts from the top. From the day he and Tess left for the batteries and came back with a mission that was supposed to have them only for a few days, but instead, took her away from this Earth and pulled him miles away from the QZ and everything he knew for years.

Joel tells you everything, and while he speaks, all you can think of is how good he looks. How you can breathe now that he's here, and you hold onto that because if you think of the rest, you'll crumble. Like always.

Tess.

No— Joel tells you about their visit to Bill and Frank. You focus on that.

"There was one for me, too," you whisper.

Joel's moved to the same tree you're sitting under, finding comfort by your side. "One what?"

"A letter."

His shoulders stiffen. "Oh. That — makes sense. Frank really liked ya."

"I didn't read yours. Don't worry," you knew him well enough to know he liked his privacy.

Joel snickers. "Nothing in there you wouldn't know. Bill was a grump, they were happy in the end, and he told me I could get anything I wanted from the house to help keep my — mine happy."

"Damn. Being married kinda merges you, huh?"

"What d'you mean?"

"They sound kinda the same. Bill and Frank — or at least, their letters did. Frank told me that amidst all the disarray there's still a chance for luck, I should lean on my gut more 'cause it's always right, and I could get whatever I wanted."

Joel hums. "That's nice."

"Yeah. I, uh—I buried them." You hate how your eyes sting at the memory. You can feel Joel's eyes on you, so you turn to him. "They — from blood to earth. They deserve a full cycle."

The way he stares at you makes you wish you could read minds. Inside, your chest tightens with each detail you take note of him. The cuts and bruises do nothing to deter his beauty away.

Joel has that look of sharp edges and impenetrable walls, but his eyes are his doom — yours can barely look away from them all the time.

They carry everything.

The guilt, the missing, the hopes he wished to bury so many feet under, the uncertainty and fear that no one can escape.

You sit right next to him and listen to all of it, and when he's done, you wished you had the excuse to hug him again.

You wished you felt confident enough in what existed between you two before he left so that you could lean over and kiss him.

Offer him comfort.

All you can offer is, "Thanks." He's told you everything. He's tired. The bags under his eyes are deep. You wished you could run your fingers through his hair until he was fast asleep, like you did a few lucky times. "Get some rest. I'll sleep in the car tomorrow. 'm keeping watch."

Joel's out within two minutes of laying down.

Even though he secured his body on top of his right side, in ten minutes he rotates, turning his body to you.

You keep watch with a smile on your face.

Women are... tricky.

Joel feels a little lost at first, and then it just amplifies.

When he wakes up, he can smell the food you've cooked already. You and Ellie are sitting side by side, talking — he breathes in deep and focuses his ear.

"...remember all that well, but it's not good when you do, too. I remember everything, and what good does it do?" you're saying.

Ellie's eating, slower than most times. "That makes sense. What was your favorite place to eat?"

"KFC. Fuck, I loved those wings so much."

Curiosities about the past she never got to witness. You were a much better source of information than him and he's happy Ellie's asking you. This way, she can get more than a few grumbled answers. He tunes out, and decides he can snooze for a few more minutes.

In the next two days, he's granted by the weirdness of what it's like to be outnumbered:

When you're in the car sleeping, Ellie asks about you.

Her first question, obviously, is: "So — I'm confused. I thought you and Tess were together? But now — I kinda think it's you and her? Oh my god, were you three a thing? Is that something adults do? Is it, like, allowed?"

Joel grips the wheel a little tighter and pushes down the desire to tell her to be quieter, damn it. "She's a light sleeper."

"Gotcha. Keep my voice down." In a lower tone, she repeats herself. "Was she your girlfriend?"

"No." Joel stayed out of the illusion one could have partners in this world.

"So it was you and Tess?"

"Also no."

"Dude, you can't lie on both fronts."

"Why does it matter?" he asks.

Ellie shrugs, shoving her face between both front seats. "It doesn't, not really—"

"Please, sit properly."

"—but like, curiosity might and definitely will kill me if you don't answer," she sits back, at least.

Joel sighs. Looks ahead of the road and remembers the smell of pages mixed with the innate scent of you. "We... were close."

"You and who?"

"First Tess. Didn't really work. But —," Joel points at you. "We did."

Ellie gasps, out loud. Joel has to suppress a stupid grin that wants to come out — he knows she's watching him from the rear mirror.

"You are so grumpy, how the hell did you get with her?"

All he does is shrug his shoulders.

Ellie sits in silence for a few seconds. "Why didn't you kiss her? When you saw her?"

Because I never wanted to do something so badly. I was terrified. I was never terrified before both of you showed me I still have reasons to.

He shrugs his shoulders again, and avoids looking to his side.

The sight of your neck always lured you in — drove him crazy.

Seeing it and missing how it smells is the last thing he needs.

Joel needs focus.

Too bad all he wants is to listen to you read.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ→ㅤㅤ →ㅤㅤ →

His brain was cursed by words she read not too long ago, even if it felt like a lifetime already. When you come back to him, Joel's hit with the notion—there was no denying what you were.

Girlfriend was such a silly word.

It sticks to his head when Ellie uses it, and he has to look away from your knowing eyes for the next two days to come.

Girlfriend is stupid. Neither you nor Tess were ever his girlfriend.

Tess was a partner. She was a friend, she was like family.

You... you were solace. Peace, and light.

There was no denying what you meant to him.

The words you read to him that never left his head are what he last thinks of before he falls asleep.

"Oh, the dead past that survives in me and that has never been anywhere but in me! The flowers from the garden of the little country house that never existed except in me! The pine grove, orchards and vegetable plots of the farm that was only a dream of mine! My imaginary excursions, my outings in a countryside that never existed!"

There are a few days ahead left of driving before you three can say you're close to your destination, and Joel cracks on a cold night.

After Ellie sleeps and you two clean up the weapons you found on the abandoned warehouse, he turns to you.

"Did you bring The Book of Disquiet?"

Your eyes widen at the question, brows going up in surprise.

"You want me to read to you?"

So she brought it. Joel smiles despite himself. "All I've had these past days were horrible puns. I could use a good readin'."

"You laugh at her horrible puns," you argue, and the smile's growing on your face too.

"So do you," he accuses.

"Yeah," you admit. "She might need to work on her delivery still, but some of them are quite good."

The book comes out from the confines of your backpack, and Joel wished he still saw that glint in your eyes when he was close by.

Flames dance in your eyes when he whispered too close to your ear before — that fire; he misses it like a lost limb. It could heat him better than whiskey, and he hasn't seen it since you arrived.

Still — your voice is good enough for him.

Even if Joel sleeps with the ache in chest; the itch to touch, to feel, to possess. He drifts close enough to feel your body heat, and lets the words brought to life by you to lull him into a deep rest.

The Book of Disquiet ends, and you brought no others.

That means listening to more of Ellie's joke book. Telling Joel the short tales you have engraved in your memory. The jokes always come in a good time — you see in Joel a light coming on again when she draws the line for the first pun, and you imagine it must've been a while since he last heard it; Ellie tells only 'the best ones' as she likes to call, and some of them are actually worth it.

Hearing Joel laugh is a gift.

Nothing's ever just good. The cold arrives and with it comes real, pressing worries for your every day trip that go beyond the people and the clickers and, well, staying alive — things like the road, freezing to death, hypothermia.

Despite having all those things running daily marathons in your mind, most of your thoughts are interrupted with musings about is how fine Joel is. How warm he looks.

How warm you know he is.

The memory's not enough. In dreams, you're consumed by them. Joel licks the nape of your neck in your kitchen, presses you against tables, whispers filthy things in the middle of packed corridors; Joel in your dreams is the man you simultaneously wanted to run away from and make a nest of his lap at the same time.

Now, he's... different.

Ellie brings out in him the parts that you never got to meet.

You want to devour them.

Taste them at the tip of your tongue.

Joel's a father. It should be the furthest thing from hot, it should be anything other than attractive, but it is.

His stern looks at Ellie and the twists and turns in the road the lead him to being in charge, bossing the two of you around — every time you see the ghost of a man who once existed, all the instances where you catch a glimpse of Sarah's dad, you want to jump him.

It's ridiculous.

Two days after he asks you to read again, you crack.

It's nighttime and you've stopped at an abandoned barn to camp for the night. Hide from the cold. Rest, eat the canned food you found, rest.

All you can think about is him.

Your brain is a looping of JoelJoelJoelJoel, and even when you try to tear your eyes away, the magnetism of his presence pull them back.

You're trapped, and it takes only a few slips for him to notice.

Wind is howling outside, and Joel thought he'd be out from the ache in his bones.

Instead, he's trapped.

The camping was set up inside yet another barn, and the only light came from the lamp sitting between him and you. Joel shared his thermos bottle of whiskey and coffee with back and forth, focusing on how the temperature rose in his chest.

He is so focused that when he notices, it's too late.

Your eyes.

Burning with enough flames to light a whole coast on fire — your eyes are trapped in his hands, following each inch of their movement as he fiddled with the coin, or moved the bottle from hand to hand.

You used to do that a lot.

It was the first thing he noticed about your attraction — Joel could deny the flirty remarks and the way he was the only fortunate bastard to get a smile out of you all he wanted, he could bitch about how it was far from his fault that he was the only guy decent enough for you to like among his group of friends back then, but the staring—no.

The staring closed the deal for him.

He caught it when he was playing the guitar, back then.

Now, you just seemed lost in a trance, and so, Joel was trapped.

Once again, like fly caught in a web, he was glued to you.

"Thought they'd lost their effect on you." The words drift with the wind, carrying his low voice.

When your eyes snap up, finding his, he knows you understood. There's another glance where you seem to shiver under your coat, and Joel swallows thickly. Memories flood his eyes, nose, tastebud.

'Like — fuck, your fingers feel so good, Joel, fuck!'

'So thick inside me — ohmygod. Please—yeah, around my neck, like that—'

'I can't shut up you know I can't fuckin' shut up, your dick's fuckin' perfect—gimme your fingers, please.'

"Don't think that's possible," you finally answer.

Joel dares to take another look. You're looking at every inch of him apart from his eyes, and it pains him. Before he left, Joel had his body wrapped around you tighter than your coat is right now, and there's distance between you now that he has no clue where it came from.

He nods. "Sure is." Moving them to look at their back and palm, he shrugs. "They're just — hands."

"They're one of my favorite parts about you, and you know that."

The words do something to him. They sink a hook in deep, deep waters. "There's a list?" He asks. His voice comes out all small and surprised.

You chuckle. "I mean..." you trail off, looking to the distance, then inside to where Ellie's asleep. "It's you. 'Course there is."

His brows furrow.

"There it is." Damn it, he thinks. "The permanent scowl."

Joel forces himself to breathe, relax. The ghost of your fingertip pressing on the part between his eyebrows, smoothing out the skin is what gets him to crack. To step out of the trap and into something more familiar.

He misses you, and pretending he can escape the reality that people start to matter whether he wants to or not is not happening, the same way that pretending he stopped feeling things never stood in the way of him going to your door at late hours of the night in search for your body heat and your mouth to kiss — not for distraction, or comfort, or release, but because he could think of nothing else.

Joel liked to touch you because ever since he did it, doing it again popped into his mind as often as the sun rose in the sky.

He gets up from his wobbly, weak chair, and takes a seat on the hard floor, grunting with the effort.

Fuck his age.

He sighs, and decides to just throw it out there.

He looks up until he finds your eyes, no matter if you'll look into his soul or not. "I'm sorry I've been distant. I can't — " no, not can't, "I don't want to even start thinking about what that one over there's doin' to my head," he points with a finger to the inside of the barn, "and when you arrived it just made it all so — fuckin'," he stops again, grunting with his lack of eloquence. "It's all so much bigger, y'know? With you here, I just—I'm never not scared now."

"Even when you're sleeping?"

Joel laughs, humorless. "When I sleep I either dream of Ellie gettin' shot 'cause I missed that day, or you gettin' bit 'cause you tried savin' one of us, so no, baby. Not even when I'm sleepin'."

"Joel."

"C'mere?" he asks. He pats his knees, and when you follow the gesture, Joel's knocked in his chest by the speed with which you get down from your chair and join him on the floor, straddling his lap in a second.

Everything becomes so much warmer.

Joel wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you close. Your heels entangle together on his back, and Joel's never been more comfortable. Your weight brings him that — silence, and warm, liquid peace. He rests his head against your chest, feeling you wrap around him just as tight. Hugging him, rubbing your cheeks on his hair, and his face.

You two must look like a stupid sight — squeezing each other and acting almost like animals marking territory, but the permission for intimacy is too inviting. Too earnest, too needed.

It's only when you two sync up your breathing that you calm down.

Joel pulls back to look at your face, but you've buried your face in his neck.

"Baby," he calls.

"Shhh." You kiss his neck, humming in pure delight. Joel feels nothing other than solace. “I’ve been waiting for this for a long time now.”

"Have you?"

"Yeah." Your squeeze around his middle says the words are true. "I—I really missed you."

He's unable to say the exact words, but — "Me too." He feels the tickling of your sharp intake of breath, and Joel plants a kiss on the part that he can reach — your temple, cheeks, the corner of your mouth. "'m sorry this is so dangerous."

"Don't be. I'm happy at least I'm here. 's less dangerous with someone else to help."

Only my heart suffers more. "Guess so." Joel's hand squeezes at your sides. "When we get to Wyoming, we can rest there for a few days before we head back to the QZ."

"I'd like that. I need that," you add with a laugh.

"Yeah." Joel cups your face in his hands, thinking all sorts of unholy things. "We can have some privacy there," his voice drops at the idea of it, and so do your eyes to his lips. Joel smiles.

"Yeah?" Your mind is exactly where his is. Joel feels it in the heat rising in your body. "I really miss that."

He gets close enough so that his face is brushing yours; the tip of his nose bumps on yours, then traces your cheeks. "You do, baby?"

"So much."

God, Joel missed the sound of you begging. The last time he was in a community living with you, he was young and stupid. He hated how young you were, how determined you posed and how slick your looks felt. He hated the way he was definitely not the only man interested.

He recalls all the other people who he let talk to you, and his grip around you tightens. "We haven't been back there in a while." Joel licks your earlobe, warranting a whimper. "I ain't gonna let those idiots hit on you anymore, you realize that, right?"

"Why no?" you taunt.

Joel growls deep in his throat, and grinds his pelvis against yours just for the effect — the gasp, and the air leaving your lungs. "Mine." All his. "That's why."

Instead of answering, you crash your lips against his in a starving way.

Joel barely has time to react, but when he comes to himself, responding is even better.

He kisses you for god knows how long.

Until his lips are red, swollen, spit-slick. Until he can feel the heat radiating from between your thighs, feel the slow and subconscious movement of your hips on his. Until you're whining, biting at his lips, opening up for him so good and pliant that it drives him a bit bad.

He kisses until there's no air in his lungs, and then he gets it all back by breathing on your neck, sucking bruises into it and licking them better.

It's only when all the missing is out of both of your systems that the kisses slow down.

They slow, but never stop. Joel makes out with you to make up for what it must be years without a single kiss.

The more he gets intimate with your sounds and the way you can melt and fit against him, the more Joel understands he's addicted, and now nothing will ever get this away from him.

He'd kill for a single kiss of yours.

A look. A smile.

Joel would kill for you, but more than that, and even more dangerous — it seems he's willing to live, too. For you. No matter the odds, or the ways this could go. He lets you cup his face into your hands, pepper kisses all over it, and whisper how happy you are to be here with him, all while thinking:

i'll live for her. i'll do anything, but most of all, i'll live.

🏷️ @sakuralikestars — @mostardentily — @thegreat-annamaria — @leiticia — @polyglot-noodle — @casssiopeia — @earthtocharlene — @levylovegood — @lavenderhhze — @gracie7209 — @waywardwolfbonklight — @shadytalething — @sanzusmile —@yesimwriting — @celestialstar111 💖

⚠️ if anyone being tagged would like to not be, just let me know in my inbox (which you can also use to talk to me about all the appeals of Joel Miller with his hair slicked back. Just saying hehe.

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holdmytesseract · 6 months

Text

When a God Loves a Woman

☆ The Baby Fever AU ☆

Loki x Y/N (Pre-Relationship)

Summary: Loki and you get paired up on a mission, much to the god's dismay - but not because he doesn't like you, no... Quite the opposite. He's hopelessy in love with you. How is he supposed to get through this mission?

Warnings: Loki being a cute idiot in love, pining/bit of mutual pining, a few suggestive things, fluff, swear words, thirst? short mention of weapons? short mention of drugs, mentions of a w*nst - blink and you'll miss it

Word Count: 5,5k

a/n: This is a request from my wonderful friend @fictive-sl0th ! 🥰❤️ I hope you are going to like it - and everybody else, of course as well! 😁

Baby Fever Crew: @lady-rose-moon @muddyorbsblr @chennqingg @smolvenger @alexakeyloveloki @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @jennyggggrrr @stupidthoughtsinwriting @eleniblue @loz-3 @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @fictive-sl0th @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @lovingchoices14 @glitchquake @lokidbadguy @icytrickster17 @mandywholock1980 @november-rayne @xthatpottahfanx @simping-for-marvel @lou12346789 @aagn360 @anukulee @multifandom-worlds @hisredheadedgoddess28 @vbecker10 @jaidenhawke @km-ffluv @lokiforever @crimson25 @kimanne723 @cakesandtom @buttercupcookies-blog @salvinaa @javagirl328 @noideakitten @zombiesnips-blog @dustychinchilla74 @frzntrx @lokisgoodgirl @princess-ofthe-pages @coldnique @asgards-princess-of-mischief

Baby Fever Masterlist °☆• Loki Masterlist °☆• Masterlist

"No. Absolutely not," Loki stated; crossing his arms over his chest. Tony blinked in disbelief. "What does that mean 'No'? Are you kidding me, Laufeyson?" The god squinted his eyes at his 'team colleague'.

"You must be deaf - or stupid, metal man... Perhaps even both. No... I said no." Tony growled; was already annoyed. "Thin ice, Reindeer Games, thin ice." The billionaire took a few threatening steps closer. "Listen. I don't care what you want, princess. You are the one who needs to prove himself to Fury, S.H.I.E.L.D - and basically the whole world. So if you don't want to end up home and get send into a cell by daddy, you should cooperate now." Loki's jaw clenched; knowing that Tony was unfortunately right. "I'm calling the shots at this mission - which needs to be a success, and if I'm telling you to team up with Y/L/N, then you're going to fucking do it. Are we clear?"

The god was positively fuming with anger - and despair (which Tony didn't notice). "Yes," he hissed. If looks could kill...

It's not that Loki didn't want to team up with you. In fact, he wanted nothing more in his life - and exactly that was the problem. About a year had passed now since he'd been sentenced to prove himself worthy and make up for the chaos he had caused. He became an Avenger - no matter if he liked it or not. It was his only chance to escape the dungeons on Asgard.

It had been a bitter pill for the god to swallow; without a doubt.

Earning the team's trust wasn't easy. Everybody despised him; was suspicious - except you. From the first day he arrived at the Avengers compound, you tried your best to give him a warm welcome. You were nice, kind and sweet. At first, Loki didn't like this at all; thought it was just a fake show you put on. A little game you played or something. After all, why should you have mercy? Why would you accept him? It simply couldn't be.

So, Loki pushed you aside - several times; cold-shouldered you. But you stayed stubborn and continued to treat him friendly - like he deserved and didn't let yourself get shoved away by the god for long. It took a lot of time (and energy), but at some point Loki realised that your intentions were pure. You really meant it. He realised, that you gave him something what nobody else did... A second chance. And from then on, he let you in. Step by step, of course, and slow, but he did.

He talked more to you, spent more time with you, trained together with you - and at some point it came how it had to come... Loki fell in love. Hard. Something he wasn't willing to admit, of course. Norns, he'd rather die than admitting that he fell in love with a Midgardian woman. He also didn't want a single soul to get a whiff of this, so his mission was to keep it a secret - no matter what it took.

The problem was, that preserving this secret turned out to be more difficult than Loki thought. It wasn't easy for him to keep his cool around you; given the fact that he didn't feel this kind of love for ages. By Odin's beard, he felt like a lovestoned teenager! Therefore, he tried to avoid being too close to you - not always successfully, though...

"Good boy."

Tony's words brought Loki back down to earth; out of his head. He clenched his jaw. The anger flooding through his veins was back. Full force - but nevertheless, he tried to control his temper and keeping his mouth shut.

"Why don't you like to be in a team with Y/N anyway? I thought you two get along quite well - or did I misinterpret the situation? Do you have a problem with her?" Tony asked suspiciously. Loki blinked. "No, I-" Before he could say something he'd regret later, the warning bells in his head started to ring at a deafening volume; causing his brain to switch into defence mode immediately.

"I mean yes. Yes. I don't like her. She's annoying me."

The billionaire frowned; crossing his arms over his chest. "You're confusing me, Reindeer Games. No, then yes. Geez, you're worse than a diva. Do you have a problem now with Y/N, or not?" Loki was a hairsbreadth away from grabbing Tony by the lapels of his shirt and throwing him against the nearby wall of the conference room.

"Yes," the god hissed. "I can't stand her." To say those words hurt him deeply; his heart wincing in pain - but for Loki, there was no other way.

"Well..." For a moment, Tony's expression was understanding and almost soft - but then he shrugged his shoulders. "Your problem. The teams are set. I don't care. Make it work." With those words and another shrug, the billionaire turned on his heels, walked away, "See you tomorrow, princess." and left the room.

Loki's eyes followed him, before he squeezed them shut; shaking his head. A sigh left his lips. "How foolish..." He mumbled. "How foolish of me to think Stark would cooperate." Running a hand through his raven curls, he returned to his room. Tomorrow was going to be a hard day for him...

The next day arrived way too quickly - and Loki had slept way too less and spent the whole day thinking about that damn mission, causing him to be the first to stand by the Quinjet; waiting for his 'team mates'. It was an awkward situation. Usually, he was never the first - except today.

Tony arrived only ten minutes later; a shit eating grin spreading over his whole face as he saw Loki. "Well, well... Eager, are we, Reindeer Games?" Loki just rolled his eyes; certainly didn't have the nerves for the billionaire's stupid little games.

"Mind your own business, Stark."

Tony sucked in a breath through his teeth. "Oooh and we're already in diva mode?" The god clenched his jaw; was about to say something not exactly nice to the billionaire, when a booming voice cut through the air. "Ahhh, brother!" It was Thor, of course.

The god walked over to Loki and Tony with a broad smile on his face. "Finally, the time has come! We're on a mission again together!" He said happily, giving Loki a harsh slap on the shoulder. Loki coughed, "Yes, brother, I am thrilled." and glared at Thor - who didn't even notice his younger sibling's discomfort.

"Ah! Don't fret, brother!" Loki rolled his eyes subtly; already questioning his life choices. But when he crossed his arms over his armour clad chest and slightly shook his head, the god's eyes suddenly caught a glimpse of somebody approaching the team. It was Natasha - and you. Loki's gaze immediately got stuck on you - against his will; eyes widening. "This is going to be..." Thor's words faded as Loki's mouth fell agape and suddenly the world seemed to turn in slow motion around him.

You walked casually beside the Widow; your Y/H/C untamed hair flying in the wind. Unlike Natasha, you wore a white and black body suit. Several pockets were attached to it. For comms, weapons and other gear. It was tactical and convenient, but also form-fitting and especially tight. It showed off your curves to perfection - and by the holy roots of Yggdrasil... You looked stunningly sexy. Not that Loki didn't see you before in your mission gear - but you had never worn something like that before.

"Norns, give me strength..." Loki whispered, before he was able to prevent it; attracting Thor's attention. "What did you just say, brother?" "Nothing!" Loki almost shouted in slight panic, before clearing his throat. Get a hold of yourself, Laufeyson!

"I mean... Nothing. I didn't say a word."

What the god didn't think of, was that his eyes were still locked on the beautiful woman only a few meters away from him - and Thor noticed; raised an suspicious eyebrow, as he followed Loki's gaze. "Um, brother, you're staring."

Fuck.

Loki's eyes widened even more; cheeks turning pink as he quickly pulled his gaze off you. "No, I'm not! You must be blind, brother! Or hallucinating!"

Thor wasn't stupid, though. He knew exactly what he saw - and Loki's reaction only proved his assumption to be right. The god said nothing, only smiled, before he went to greet his fellow team mates.

"Ah, greetings, Lady Romanoff and Lady Y/N!" Natasha gave him a smile and a nod. "Hey Thunderboy." You smiled and waved at him. "Hi Thor!" While the Black Widow went to join Tony already on the Quinjet, you walked up to the Asgardian princes - which caused Loki to get slightly nervous.

"Is that new a new armour I see on you, Lady Y/N?" You giggled; nodding. "It is. Nat told me to try something new and I needed anyway something more... functional, so... Do you like it?" You turned in a circle; showing off your new outfit - much to Loki's dismay. He felt his breath hitching in his throat; his chest seemingly growing tighter - just like the space within the front of his leather trousers.

By Odin's beard... How am I supposed to survive this mission?

"It suits you very well, Lady Y/N!" "Thanks, Thor." Then you turned to Loki. "How do you like it, Mischief?"

Like it? LIKE IT?! I love it. It makes me want to pin you against the wall of the Quinjet and ravish you right then and there.

"I agree with my brother."

"Thanks! Now, let's go, boys. I bet Tony's waiting already for us and we don't want to make our diva angry, do we?" You prompted; already entering the Quinjet - which caused the fabric of your suit to bend and stretch around certain body parts even more.

Shit...

You sat alone in a corner of the Quinjet; checking your weapons and mentally preparing yourself for the task ahead, since Tony had announced that you'd arrive soon. Then you heard steps approaching you. Familiar steps. You didn't even have to look up to check who it was. You knew.

"What's up, Nat?"

Your best friend sat down beside you. From the corner of your eye, you could see that she had already changed. A beautiful black, long-sleeved dress was hiding her catsuit underneath. She looked stunning - as always.

"He's into you."

You frowned immediately; were taken aback by the Widow's words. Nat was definitely not somebody who beat about the bush...

You looked up to face her; seeing her lips curled upwards in a smirk.

"W-What, I- Who?"

"Laufeyson." Natasha spoke out the god's name without even blinking; kind of shocking you.

"Whaaat?" You laughed; shaking your head. "No fucking way. I mean, yes, he probably likes my body - like the handsome naughty little shit he is, but that doesn't mean he likes me. Loki has a lot of women and men..." Natasha raised an accusing eyebrow. "Babes, no... Sorry to disappoint you, but Loki didn't have somebody in months."

You frowned. "How do you know that?" Your best friend shrugged her shoulders. "Bruce's apartment is across his and trust me, babe... I hear if he's giving somebody a really good time, 'cause fucking hell, he apparently does." You almost choked on your own spit by her words. "Nat! You cheeky minx!" Again you got just a shrug, accompanied by a grin.

"Okay, let's say you're right... That doesn't mean he's into me." The Russian beauty rolled her eyes. "Y/N... Sorry to say that, but... Are you blind? I don't mean what happened earlier. Sure, his eyes almost popped out of his head, seeing you like this - but that was just another proof." Now you were the one raising both your eyebrows.

"Another proof? What is that supposed to mean now?" Your best friend giggled; shaking her head. "You really didn't notice." "Notice what?" You asked almost desperately know. "The way he's looking at you? How his mood always seems to lift when you're in the room? He smiles - as soon as you're around him. The way he opens up to you? How kind he is to you?" You blinked; staring at your best friend.

"Uhhh, no? I, um, no..." "You should pay a bit more attention then," Nat said; winking. You were still a bit stunned and overwhelmed by those 'news'. That was never your intention. "I... I didn't mean to... I was just trying to be kind. I always knew there's more in Loki than just the bad guy everybody thinks he is. All I wanted was to give him what he deserves... A second chance and a way to proof everybody wrong."

The Widow smiled; placing a hand on your shoulder. "Well... It seems like you were successful in bringing out this other side of him. There is more. You were right about that. But it also seems like you tickled something else awake inside of him... Feelings." "Feelings?" "Feelings. That man is head over heels for you." You bit your lip. That wasn't what I wanted... "Are you sure?" Natasha stood up again, "To 100 per cent." and walked away with a smile; leaving you and your thoughts alone.

You sighed; leaning back against the wall. Your head hitting the metal with a soft thud. You couldn't help but to think about what Natasha said. He's into you. Perhaps it was true and your best friend right, but... What were you feeling? Was his love... requited?

You swallowed. Sure, he was the most handsome man you had ever laid eyes upon, with his long, raven curls, chiselled face and trained body. You loved his wit, how utterly charming he could be, how eloquent he was, how well-read, smart and his other-worldly humour. You liked to spent time with him and talk to him. You'd even go as far and say you were some kind of friends, but love? Not yet.

But when you closed your eyes and thought of Loki, you could easily picture a future with him as a couple - and who knew... Perhaps it was going to happen.

Okay, maybe you had a tiny crush on him.

"Alright. Everybody knows what to do. Let's get those documents, so we can finally make sure that this asshole gets behind bars," Tony spoke and everyone nodded.

The mission was... Well, you wouldn't exactly say easy, but with a good team perfectly manageable. The Avengers got the assignment to help the police to get one of the biggest drug dealers of America - and literally the whole world finally behind bars. Bernardi had always managed to slip the F.B.I through their fingers the past years. Now it had to end - and it was going to.

Today was a big gala in New Haven, Connecticut - the best chance to get Bernardi. But to finally convict him, important documents of the next big drug deal were needed - and they laid safely in a safe in his security monitored and secured suite in the big building, where also the gala took place.

The plan? Tony was going to hack the security camera systems, to make you and Loki - who were going to sneak through the ventilation shafts of the building and actually 'steal' the documents. Nat was going to attend the gala with Thor as her backup and caused distraction - if needed. This time, it was no 'going like a bull at a gate' task. It was no big fight or war. It was some kind of movie like spy mission - and you were hyped.

You didn't understand first, why Tony hadn't sent you and Nat to get the documents, but then you realised that Loki and Thor probably weren't the best duo to attend the gala together. Their cover would probably blow up faster than Tony's patience...

"Y/N, are you coming?" The soft, low timbre of Loki urged to your ears; causing you to blink and snap out of your thoughts. "On my way." You checked if you had everything you needed, then joined your team mate. "Ready, partner?" Loki smiled; gesturing for you to walk down the ramp of the Quinjet. "Lead the way, milady."

Tony had given you the exact positions, coordinates and maps. Loki 'was just your helper' - like the billionaire put it and 'had to follow your orders'.

You sneaked around the big building at the dead of night; looking for the exit of the ventilation shafts. You were quick to find the exact one Tony told you to find and quietly removed the grid, while Loki's eyes scanned the area for any 'intruders'.

"Let's go." You grabbed Loki's attention with your words; nodding towards the ventilation shaft. Just when you were about to climb inside, Loki stopped you. "Y/N, wait! I, uh, I think I should go first." You turned to face him; looking a bit confused. "Why? That wouldn't make sense, Mischief. I have the maps. I know where to go. That's why I..." You climbed inside the ventilation shaft. "... go first. Now come!" Unbeknownst to you, squeezed Loki his eyes shut; face scrunching. "Loki!" "Coming!"

He sighed, then followed you. It was dark inside, of course, but you had your torch and Loki, well, his seidr. Nevertheless, the light source in addition with his position gave Loki the perfect view of your ass; sending shivers down the god's spine. Exactly what he wanted to prevent. Sure, he enjoyed the view, but it was also torturous. You were close and yet so far. "Norns... Can this evening get any worse?" He mumbled underneath his breath, while crawling behind you. "What did you say?"

"Oh, nothing!"

After crawling through the tight, dark space and crossing endless corners for what felt like eternity, you finally announced that you and Loki had reached the destination - the tenth floor of the building.

"Oh!" You abruptly stopped; causing Loki to almost bump head first in your bottom - head first. "What?" "I think we made it. According to Tony's plans, this must be the exit we have to take. The tenth floor." "Let us do that then. My knees hurt." You giggled; working on getting the hatchway open. "Not used to kneel a lot, are we?" "Sounds like you are." Loki answered dryly, without even blinking - and your jaw almost dropped. A blush creeping up your cheeks. He just couldn't help himself. You had given him the perfect opportunity.

"No! I-I mean... I do a lot of work on missions which affords... Kneeling and crawling." The god nodded, but gave you a cheeky smile. "Sure, Y/N. I do kneel from time to time, too."

Gods... You felt the heat in your cheeks increasing, so you busied yourself even more with the hatchway - and to your sheer relief it clicked open mere seconds later. Carefully, you peeked out; head first, looking for any signs of security guards. "Not a single soul to be seen. The coast is clear." You sat up; ready to jump, when your partner stopped you for the second time. "Allow me to go first this time." "Alright." Loki jumped and you followed; the hatchway falling close behind you.

The hallway you had landed in was big with white, clean walls and a black tiled floor. It reminded you of a hotel, but also didn't look like such at all.

"Where to now, milady?" Loki whispered; just in case. "We have to find Bernardi's room," you answered in a hushed voice; pointing down the hallway. "This way." The god nodded; following close behind. So, you sneaked down the hallways; crossing each corner carefully. Another look on the map told you that you weren't far from your destination, when you suddenly heard voices - and they came from behind you.

"Securityguards!" You whisper-yelled at Loki, who looked surprisingly just as panicky as you did. Well, after all you were in a hallway... Not exactly many opportunities to hide there. Loki was about to just teleport you somewhere else, but before he could make use of his magic, you had reacted faster and literally shoved him inside a little broom closet you had spotted mere seconds ago. With one hand clasped over his mouth, the other gripping the lapels of his leather coat tightly and your back stemmed against the door, you hid away from the nearing threat. It caught Loki completely off-guard of course, but he found himself once more enjoying the situation. Your touch. The roughness of it. He liked it.

Once you were sure he wouldn't make a single sound, you let go of him. "Sorry. I just had to make sure that-" "I know," he interrupted you, nodding. You nodded back at him; staying quiet. You had to wait until the security men passed. Unfortunately, though, the broom closet was everything but spacious. Quite the opposite... tiny. And with cleaning supplies all around the two of you, it was a really tight fit. So tight, that body contact was inevitable. Your chest almost touched his. You were so close, you could feel his minty breath on your face. Loki's chiselled bone structure looked even more handsome from this point of view - and dear god, had he always smelled that good? Like a mix out of leather, blood oranges and charred wood? You couldn't explain why, but it smelt so comfortable to you. So rich and musky, yet sweet.

You closed your eyes for a second and took a deep breath. Focus, Y/N, focus.

Unbeknownst to you, Loki had the exact same problem; struggling even harder. His hands almost trembled from holding back from touching you. He would've loved to just kiss you right here and now; your scent intoxicating him. But he couldn't, and he knew that.

"I think we're good to go," you breathed out then; slowly lurking through the crack of the door. "Come."

Loki had noticed the slight tremble in your voice - and it sparked something inside him... Hope. Perhaps he had a chance to win your heart. A chance he never thought he had. And maybe, just maybe he shouldn't see this mission as a burden, but as the first shot he could shoot.

Loki knew that women liked to be wooed. So, he decided to try to impress you. After all, he had conquered already a lot of hearts. He knew how it worked. But you... You were different. You had conquered his heart first - and you didn't even know it.

Wordlessly, the god followed you, until you had reached Bernardi's room. A complicated lock adorned the door. Easy access? No chance. "Alright," you stated; switching on your communication device. "Tony. We're standing in front of the room. Pick the lock." The billionaire answered immediately. "Consider it done, Y/N." "Perfect."

Tony's 'consider it done' took longer than you anticipated... Almost fifteen minutes had ticked by and the electric lock still hadn't moved an inch.

"Hey Tony, what's taking so long?" "It's more complicated than I thought. Give me another minute."

And even another minute wasn't enough. So slowly, Loki grew impatient. After all was the risk very high of getting caught by security guards any momenr. Rolling his eyes, he stepped over to the door and placed his hand on the lock. "Loki? What are you doing?" You asked, eyes widening. "Unlocking this damn lock." You blinked. "And, uh, how?" The god gave you a smirk; "Seidr, darling." winking.

Not even a second after he said that, a green cloud enveloped the lock - and it clicked open. Your jaw dropped. "Woah... That's... That's pretty cool."

Step one of impressing Y/N: Done.

"Tony, we got it." "Yes, I can see that... How?!" You smiled; following Loki inside the room. "Mischief." You could practically hear how Tony rolled his eyes at your answer.

After tiptoeing through the big, spacious room and 'stealing' the documents like professionals; you and your partner left again, as if nothing happened. Loki even managed to fix the lock with his magic.

"Let's get out of here, shall we?" You nodded; checking your watch. "We should, yes. The 10 o'clock patrol will pass this hallway in exact... ten minutes. Either we hurry, or tell Thor and Nat to distract them." "I know I have no say in this mission, but I would recommend option two, Y/N. Better safe than- uh... How's this Midgardian saying going again?" You giggled - music to Loki's ears. "Better be safe than sorry." "That's it, yes. Thank you." "I guess you're right... Nat, can you hear me?" "Loud and clear, babes." "Perfect. Can you and Thor distract the 10 o'clock patrol up here? We won't make it in time." "Sure thing!"

Well, unfortunately, it turned out they couldn't...

Just as the two of you rounded the corner into the hallway of the ventilation shaft, rounded a group of five security guards the other corner. You and Loki stopped immediately in your track; standing like frozen to the ground. "Well... Now we have a problem." The guards noticed you, of course, immediately. One of them gave you an angry look. "Indeed we have," the bulky man snarled; switching on his walkie-talkie. "We have intruders on the tenth floor. Most likely burglars; calling for back-up." "Understood, Sir. Back-up is on the way."

Now you were really fucked.

You sighed; cracking your neck and prepared to fight. "Guess we'll have to-" That was the moment Loki had waited for. The ultimate chance to impress you. His hand on your arm interrupted you; pulling you gently behind himself. "Stay behind me, darling. I am going to take care of this little... issue." Loki stepped slowly forwards - like a wolf stalking its prey; read to fight, when suddenly something caught his attention... A small loudspeaker box hanging high up in the corner where both hallways met.

Smiling mischievously; he snapped his fingers. Let's put on a little show for the lady.

The security guards didn't know what was coming their way. Especially not as 'Holding Out for a Hero' by Bonnie Tyler started to echo through the empty hallways. And before any of them could react, Loki had already started his attack. Unlucky for the men, they were just as surprised and kind of shocked how you were. The god moved gracefully; dodging here a kick and there a punch. The security guards didn't stand a single chance. Not even the back-up - and by the end of the song, Loki had knocked out every single man who had stood in his way.

You just stood there; mouth agape and not quite knowing what to do or think. Loki though, had a victorious, smug and self-confident smirk on his face. Running a hand smoothly through his black curls, he leaned casually against the wall. "There we go. They won't bother us anymore."

Loki didn't quite know what he anticipated of your reaction. A nervous smile perhaps. Reddened cheeks or a impressed facial expression - but he certainly didn't anticipated what came his way... "Umm... Thank you? But I could've taken care of them as well. I know, uh, how to fight."

The god had a hard time hiding the shock on his face. And the embarrassment, which followed only a few seconds later. She didn't like it. She thinks I'm stupid. I made a fool out of myself. He face-palmed himself internally.

Swallowing nervously and clearing his throat, Loki stepped away from the wall again; trying to somehow 'save' this situation. "Sure, I... I know that, of course, Y/N. I just... wanted to be... nice." "Well, I appreciate it. Thanks." Before an awkward silence could settle between you and him; the god cleared his throat once more. "We, um, we should leave." You nodded, "We should, yes." and watched him turn on his heels; quickly walking away.

Therefore, Loki couldn't see how a dazzling smile spread across your face. Whatever it was what he just did - or tried to do... It was very sweet of him.

The rest of the mission went smoothly. You and Loki made it safely and uncaught out of the building.

When you reached the Quinjet, Natasha stood on the ramp, already changed in her black bodysuit; grinning. She said not a single word as you and Loki passed her by, just kept grinning. You gave your best friend a confused look; mouthing: "What?" All she did was winking, before she followed you as the ramp closed shut behind the three of you.

After you had handed Tony the documents and the Quinjet was in the air again; heading towards New York, you decided to seek out the Widow.

"What was that grinning about, huh?" You gently poked her side to get your best friend's attention. She turned to face you; smiling again. "Oh, nothing. Just Loki fighting off thirty guys alone," Nat said with a wink. "And this got you smiling, because...?" You looked expectantly at her, not quite getting what she was insisting.

"Gods, Y/N/N... You truly are blind," Nat stated; shaking her head and crossed her arms over her chest, before she walked towards the metallic door. "He did that in order to impress and most likely to protect you. That man is in love with you. Open up your eyes, babes."

The Quinjet landed quite late at night on the compound. Only a few lights were on; signalling that most of the other Avengers were already asleep.

"Alright, guys. See tomorrow," you bid your goodbye to your fellow teammates. After hugging Natasha, you turned to Loki. "Good night, Mischief." The god gave you a soft smile. "Good night." Then you turned and walked away; following Nat and Tony.

While Loki couldn't help himself, but to stare after you with mixed feelings about the last few hours coiling within his stomach, Thor came to stand beside him.

"You are staring again, brother." He stated simply; smiling. "I'm not-" Loki wanted to immediately reject Thor, but the God of Thunder spoke faster. "Do not try to deny it, Loki. I saw everything. You tried to impress Lady Y/N with fighting off those men." Loki's eyes widened at Thor's words - proofing the god to be right. "You... saw that?" "Yes, brother. We all did."

Loki squeezed his eyes shut. The cameras.

He couldn't control his body longer; a blush creeping up his cheeks. Thor laughed heartily; clapping him on the shoulder. "No need to be ashamed, brother. I am truly happy you found love - and Lady Y/N is a great woman, if I might say so."

Loki grumbled, but knew very well that he had lost this game. "I don't think Y/N feels the same, brother. I made a fool out of myself. I will never win her heart."

Thor wrapped his arm around Loki's shoulder, shaking his head. "No, you did not make a fool out of yourself. I tried to impress Jane a lot of times and failed." "Yes, because you're an oafish ape. I'm not," Loki mumbled under his breath; inaudible for Thor. "Don't you give up. One day, Lady Y/N will be yours."

After the kind of awkward conversation with his brother, Loki headed straight to his little apartment in the tower. He considered to go to bed straight away, in order to escape the hold you had on him, but he also was aware that his mind wouldn't switch itself off so easily. So, instead to forget you, he decided to fully indulge in his thoughts, heartache and fantasies, and took a very long shower; whimpering your name over and over again in his throes of pleasure at the imagination of you in that damn body suit.

Now the god was standing naked in front of the sink; staring at himself in the mirror. His damp raven curls falling loosely over his shoulders; pecs still glistening with water, causing a few single water droplets to drip from his chest hair.

Loki took a deep breath; shaking his head. "I'm fool... I'm such a fool..." With one simple snap of his fingers, he was perfectly dry. He sighed. "... and hopelessly in love."

After slipping into a fresh pair of boxershorts, he went to bed; laying awake for seconds. Minutes. Hours? Just like he anticipated. The god stared at the dark ceiling above him, arms crossed behind his neck; thinking. Until suddenly his mobile vibrated for a second; announcing that he just received a message. Frowning, Loki turned to reach for his phone on the bedside table and unlocked it - only for his eyes to widen. You... It was a message from you. Quickly, he entered the chat to read it.

Hey, Mischief. Just wanted to say thank you again for fighting off the bad guys. Very cute. Thanks.

Loki's whole face lit up. Cute? He was smiling so bright, like he had probably never did in his life before. She thinks I'm cute? His heart skipped a joyful beat.

Perhaps was his brother right... Perhaps hope wasn't lost yet and one day... One day you will be his.

#the baby fever au #pre relationship #loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki x female reader #loki x you #loki #tom hiddleston x reader #loki fanfiction #loki fluff #loki x y/n #loki laufeyson x reader

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plantsrrfriends · 1 year

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Proud and Terrified

Tighnari x gn!Reader

Synopsis; Tighnari tends to neglect parts of his life due to how they differ from humans that don't have animal blood in their veins. But it eventually bites him back.

Themes; fluff, cute researchers, idk man, it's pre-relationship

Approximately 86% of the time, Tighnari was content and proud to be a fennec fox hybrid.

It was something he'd lived with his entire life, so he found it more fruitful to accept his nature rather than be off set by the fascination of others. Mortals were curious creatures; it made sense that they'd be intrigued by him. Even if he disliked the ogling gazes and lingering eyes.

But there was that 14% where he felt a begrudging distaste towards his own instincts and desires. Where the fennec fox piece of him overtook what typical humans and mortals would do.

Such as at the current moment, he couldn't even stand being in the same room as them.

The sight of their smile, each word that danced off their tongue, and even the simple whiff of their soap he'd catch drove him mad. Not in the way that most assumed - it wasn't some uncontrollable hunger or whatever those romance readers always asked of him. It wasn't a sudden possessiveness or animalistic instinct- ...well, at least not to the same degree they assumed it to be.

No, because he didn't have a partner. Emotions such as that were directed towards an established partner that'd he chosen for life, and he had yet to meet someone of such caliber. Tighnari had yet to pursue someone that way. Unfortunately, the source of his ears and tail had been trying to make the decision for him.

It was infuriating. A disruption to his work and a hassle that he didn't feel like dealing with. It was annoying how his tail involuntarily flicked when they turned and called his name. It was causing issues how he was so easily distracted as soon as they wandered into a room, and his train of thought was thoroughly derailed for the next hour or so that they existed in that space. They could be doing something as simple as reading and his hazel eyes would be continuously flicking from his paper and up toward them. He was never actually reading. None of the words on his paper were comprehended anymore and his own pulse became apparent in his ears.

It was annoying. And frankly, he didn't think he could even handle being around them when he had work to be done. But he also felt he'd fall into despair if he said anything to them about it. Because if they denied him, he wasn't sure what he'd do.

But now, it seemed even when they weren't in the room, he was plagued with twitching ears and a tapping foot. He spun his pen in his hand, starting at the words with a furrowed brow but none of them were computing or making sense. All the notes taken weren't making any sense to him. There was a lingering his chest and it made him groan, letting his forehead fall against the table. Maybe he should take a few days off of work to recuperate...

"Tighnari?"

His head shot up. Of course, of all people - it felt like he was in some sick play. To make matters worse, he had to suppress a wince at how they said his name, despite the concerned look they held from the other side of the table.

Until recently, they seldom called Tighnari by his full name. They claimed that nicknames felt more intimate and they loved finding fun ones for people. Of course, they were respectful about it. They referred to him as Master Tighnari until their relationship became less professional and more lenient, causing them to consider each other friends rather then colleagues. And then, he became simple and plain 'Tigh'. It was always, "Hey Tigh, look at this," or "I read an interesting book recently, Tigh. I can lend it to you." They only used his full name if searching for them in the forest or if they were upset at his teasing.

But over the last week, he'd not heard his familiar nickname. Maybe it was just cause he'd been avoiding them, anyways. But he felt it was actually just cause they had caught on to his hesitation and conflicted mood.

Even now, they kept careful distance within the library, books piled in their arms. Each one labeled different subspecies of animals or specifics of a single kind. He specialized in botany and they focused on zoology. That was the reason they'd been introduced in the first place; a shared desire to preserve the forest.

Their brow furrowed at his silence and gently asked again, "Tighnari, is everything alright?"

He swallowed, "Yes, I'm fine. Just... exhausted."

They seemed... cautious. As if overthinking their next words and walking on eggshells. Tighnari hated it. He hated that he was inadvertently the one who caused such a demeanor. Eventually, they locked eyes with him again (he flexed his foot as an outlet of wanting to squirm) and said, "If you need someone to take some of your work burdens, I'm more than happy. It's been quiet in the sanctuary as of late."

It was insane how two sentences could instantly make his tail swish. No matter how hard he tried to subdue its effect, he still felt it in his chest and stomach. The feeling of insects, as people often describe it in fiction. He wasn't one for fiction reading, but they were and it'd caused him to delve into it a tad.

The first sentence was pure worry and care for his well-being. They must think his newfound attitude was a side effect of his work. Sometimes, it could be. But usually, he was still happy to be doing research despite the strenuous task it could prove to be. Tourists caused him stress as well, due to their naivety and desire to seemingly poison themselves at every corner, but he was careful to who he directed his frustrations. This is the first time they've experienced the blunt end of it. He felt a tightness in his chest knowing it was his fault.

The second sentence was words of their own passion. If you let them, they'd babble for days about the animal sanctuary and the state of its inhabitants. They cared for it day in and day out and he's had more than a few times where he'd wander past in the late hours, only to find them still there and taking their nightly medicine routines into their own hands. He'd never met someone more in tune with other beings. He himself preferred living beings that lacked as much consciousness, but they reveled in figuring out their needs and helping them back into the wild. The fact that they were willing to put aside their duties in their prized home spoke a thousand words.

"There's no need," He excused, voice involuntarily softer than expected, "Thank you, though. That's very kind."

They hummed, gently setting their tower of books on the table. It seemed they didn't intend to let this go gently. Though he knew they would never be pushy - just open and sometimes almost pleading to understand others. They always said humans were much more difficult to understand than animals. Humans have more difficult needs. Animals are wordless but have a simple list of what they require.

They lingered, pretending to flicker over the spines on a nearby bookcase. Tighnari could do nothing but watch them, far too distracted by their presence to continue his own work.

"I read a new book the other day," They brought up, gaze flickering back towards him, still standing.

Okay, this was fine. Normal conversations, like they usually had. He would never admit that he missed it. He linked his hands, setting his chin on them and elbows on the table, "Oh, really? Pray tell."

Without missing a beat they said, "It was about foxes."

He paused. They continued, "Different subspecies. Some are native to Sumeru, and some are from other regions. Apparently, their fur color often corresponds with where they are native to," They finally pulled out a chair and sat, continuing a gentle tone, "Some of it mentioned fennec foxes. Curious stuff, really."

Tighnari had frozen. His once slightly smug demeanor had taken a turn and he instead watched them with wide eyes. They paused their sentence, but the only thing he could mutter in reply was a small, "...Interesting."

"It really was," They mused, picking the top book from their pile and seamlessly flipping to a certain page. Even from his spot across the table, he could see diagrams of four-legged animals with big ears. His own twitched atop his head and he struggled not to let them show too much of his emotion.

Their finger dragged across the page as they explained nonchalantly, "The smallest of the foxes, and they eat a lot of meat or similar. Sometimes berries. Though, I assume based on their typical habitat in the desert, fruit, and berries are more so like a treat."

...Was this some newfound form of torture? Or was some game they were playing to mess with him? He was unsure, but the only solution he had was to listen. Even if their words grew more familiar with each sentence - like they were slowly drifting away from explaining the average fennec fox and heading towards explaining something else.

"They help control rodents, primarily. And yet we hunt them and they struggle in some parts of the world. But they're doing better, lately," They explained calmly, the same way they did any other information. They looked up from the book and back towards the man, "They have an extraordinary hearing as well. And their ears serve as protection from the sun. But would you like to know the most curious thing to me?"

Instead, he asked, "Why were you researching Fennec Foxes?"

He hoped maybe he'd get an admittance of some sort, but he should've known better. As they just smiled and said, "We just rescued some at the sanctuary. I got curious, I suppose. Anyways," And they returned to his torture, "We rescued two of them, and I got to looking at their mating habits. It's interesting to me, frankly."

Archons, save Tighnari now. Their gentle smile was anything but innocent, words laced with false naivety as they said, "It's a bit poetic, honestly. They mate for life, just with one another. Sounds like a big commitment."

They hummed, letting their head fall tilted into one of their hands, "If we humans had obligations like that - for our first partner to be our last - we'd have many different traditions. I think it'd end up being terrifying, for some surely. What a heavyweight, knowing the chance of picking the wrong person or them not reciprocating."

He swallowed, spinning a pen between his fingers just to move in any way and keep his ears from drooping at their words. Trying to keep any reaction from reaching him and making them aware of what they were doing. He cleared his throat, shifting in his seat. They just watched him, carefully calculated. The same way they read the body languages of creatures in the sanctuary. He didn't like being on the receiving end of that gaze, particularly.

They waited patiently for an answer so he ended up just spitting out the first thing he could think of, "It is terrifying."

Uh oh. He recognized that small smile of achievement and it made his brow furrow in annoyance. They leaned forward, chin on both hands now with a sly, "Are you implying it applies to you as well, Tighnari?"

So this is what they wanted. A twisted confession of sorts that he was affected by the more animal-ish parts of himself than he often cared to admit. It wasn't really any bodies business, but they were just too good at reading all creatures and prying it from him. And his expression just seemed to seal the deal for them, based on the pleased hum they gave.

"I knew it," They whispered, leaning even farther forward across the table and making him press against the back of his chair as they interrogated, "So who is it? Give me a name so I can give them a stamp of approval or run them away."

"It's nobody," He quickly growled in defense.

They frowned, "Well, I assume it's why I don't see you much anymore, so it's gotta be something."

"And what brought you to the conclusion that it was something to do with my love life?" He scoffed, not sure whether he was trying to fool himself or them. A small part of him also admittedly wanted to actually know how they were brought to this conclusion.

And to his delight, they leaned back and began to recount, "Well, you've been more agitated as of late. But you also seem happier in a weird way. Your tail has been wagging - which I've never witnessed from you before - and I even caught you purring once-"

"I don't purr!" He quickly deflected, placing his hands roughly on the surface of the table with heat rising to his face. They raised their hands in defense, giving a small laugh and waving for him to sit back again. He did, and tacked on, "That all could have to do with anything. Not necessarily some school crushes you think I may have."

They opened their mouth, but paused and gave a hum instead. Tighnari thought that perhaps he'd somehow convinced them, but they were too smart for that. They never would go into such an accusation without a plausible clause, so there was bound to be something else.

As expected, there was. Their mood seemed to simmer down into what it had been when they first arrived, hands fidgeting and gaze flickering. They said, "...Well, I spoke with Collei, and then Cyno. Collei gave her insight but was rather reserved. Cyno was blunt with his answer, however."

Tighnari couldn't help but ask, "Why do you care about this so much?"

Another pause, and then a tiny admittance, "It really seemed to be bothering you and I wanted to help. And I thought I might've done something wrong, admittedly."

...Right. That's why they'd been calling his name so formally. Why they seemed almost timid. But despite the way his shoulders sank just an inch, they gave a small carefree laugh to brush it aside and continued anyways, "Anyways, their responses led me to two hypotheses. One seemed more likely, so I began to pursue that one first."

"I assume it was the idea that I had romantic feelings for someone," He deduced and they nodded with a smile. Tighnari folded his arms over his chest and asked, "Then what was your second hypothesis?"

Their energy shrank again. This time, just that unassuming question seemed to flip the table and some color grew along their face. Tighnari's ear twitched against his will at the sight, tail threatening to shift. He suppressed the urge to let it move further.

They smiled nervously, "It doesn't really matter, it's unlikely."

There was no way he was just letting them get away with that, "I trust any ideas you may have, so please."

"It's self-centered and idiotic," They said this time, and he took note of a dislike at hearing them speak like that, but they tacked on, "Hence why it was a second hypothesis, but it really shouldn't have been counted."

"What's it based on?" Tighnari asked instead, trying to weave his way into its true nature.

They seemed awkward now. He admittedly enjoyed it. They explained, "Just based on the data given by Collei and Cyno."

"And that is?" He pushed further.

No answer came immediately. Instead, they picked at the pages of their open book, eyes flickering over the fox figure on its pages. They weren't currently wearing the usual uniform they did, and he hated how he took pleasure in seeing them outside of a work environment. A simple button-down and wide-legged pants. Always an odd mixture of styles from Mondstat - where they spent many years studying - and Sumeru, their current point of residence. But always comfortable. No matter what.

They didn't answer his question, but said instead, "I read another book. It was specifically about the fox-human race. I learned a lot, actually, that I wasn't aware of before."

He didn't interrupt, and instead opted to listen carefully as they continued, "Like why your fur is green, or the fact that your race typically lives in the desert - which I find ironic, based on how well you fair in hot weather. But it also showed that you share some practices with your animal counterparts."

"Which is why you looked into them," He finished, and they nodded.

"Yes, but..." They paused, putting their hands together again in a wringing and picking that he seldom saw in them. It took them a second to gather their words, but they eventually scoffed in fake amusement and said, "Well, a common factor seemed to be... me. Collei didn't say it, but I could tell, and Cyno was blunt. So I figured it could be one of two things. Either I did something you didn't like - but I know you're good about letting people know if they've done something of the sort, so I trust you - or..."

Oh. Oh, Archons. Tighnari was terrible at hiding things, wasn't he?

"...Maybe it was me," They finally finished, then gave another scoff like it was some joke, "But that's just me trying to shift things, no matter how well it all lined up."

Tighnari's throat felt like it was closing up. So close, yet so far. He couldn't help but say, "How does it all line up?"

They blinked, seeming almost confused about his further inquiry and lack of berating or being called a 'Lummox' like he often did. He was acting weird - and that made them grow a bit more nervous as well.

They acted poorly at being casual, leaning back and saying, "Well, they didn't really mention noticing a mood change around them, unless I was brought up or I came into a room. Collei didn't really say much about it, she tries not to spread your business, but she did say you snapped at her once when she offered to ask me for help. Cyno was blunter - he's the one who put the hypothesis in my mind."

Of course, he was, Tighnari bitterly thought, already planning the long-winded speech of annoyance he was going to give his friend. All he could think to do was give a small hum, but he regretted it immediately when a short silence ensued.

Eventually, they felt the need to fill it and said, "Yeah, that's why I said it was self-centered."

He wanted to laugh. 'Self-centered'- they just looked at the facts and data provided and gave the best solution. And they were dead on, as well. But he wouldn't say that to them - he couldn't say it to them. Because they were right about everything they said. About his newfound attitude only being around them, and also about how terrifying it was knowing the partners he chose were intended to be for life. Humans don't typically live like that.

Many are able to spend their years, shifting from partner to partner to learn about romance and explore the world, but he was just wired differently. And sure, he knew a small bit about their past romance life and the single, short-lived relationship they had. And the fact that they took such matters rather seriously and weren't one to dance around. Frankly, that conversation, laced with just a few drinks of wine, had been one of the first tipping points in his mind. The way they had laid their head on the table, and how quiet the night had been. It was so loud just an hour before, but now they were having a heartfelt conversation about expectations regarding relationships. He'd shared practically no details, but they never once pushed and instead opened up to him. He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve them.

"You're right," He blurted out.

It took him a moment to realize the words had left his lips. Tighnari could hear his blood flow in his ears and felt impossibly stiff in his chair.

They blinked, "...Okay, I know I was saying it was self-centered, but it does hurt when you confirm it."

He tripped over his words, "What? No- That's not - I didn't mean that. I'm talking about-"

Oh, absolutely not. Tighnari would say a lot of things, typically in observation of others' wrongdoings, but he still was struggling to admit that they had figured him out. They'd read him and his actions like an open book, and while that alone was embarrassing, it was what they read that he couldn't bare to admit.

Their brow furrowed, watching him in confusion and wracking their brain, gears turning. Then, they blinked and cautiously asked, "...My second hypothesis?"

Tighnari didn't respond.

They mumbled, "...Oh."

Would it be wrong of Tighnari to grab his books and excuse himself? He supposes it would. But there was absolutely nothing else he wanted to do besides that. They would find him, he knew that, but he also knew that if he left right now, it'd just make it worse. It'd give him a momentary time of pure panic until they eventually confronted him. It's best to get whatever was going to happen over with now. Even if he was sure the speed of his heart was too fast to be healthy and his claws had dug deep into the seat of his chair. His hazel gaze had dropped down to his book, trying to seem almost nonchalant but it was impossible with how stiff his shoulders were.

There was at least a minute where they were both quiet, but it definitely felt like hours. Like an endless amount of time was passing and he truly began to consider picking up his books and leaving. He wouldn't get any work done, but maybe that was better than sitting here painfully.

And then, their chair squeaked. He flinched at the sharp sound and at first thought they must be leaving. Maybe that would be their rejection - and as much as he liked to think he was prepared for one, he knew how heart-wrenching it would be if he got one. That's why he preferred the awkward in-between of having a crush and not confessing. It would be better than if they rejected him.

From the corner of his eye, he saw them pick up their chair by the back of it, and then their padding footsteps came around the table. The chair landed beside him, and they came soon after. He felt impossibly warm like he was in the desert itself. He wouldn't even be surprised if they could feel it from their spot next to him.

They folded their arms on the table and laid their head on them, eyes looking straight up toward Tighnari. This was horrible. Even worse than how they tortured him before.

Their voice was delicately soft as they asked, "Are you scared 'cause of the implications of lifelong partners?"

He scoffed, tilting his head away to try and give his flushed face some privacy from their prying eyes, "That's the lightest way to put it."

"I'll spend my life with you."

Tighnari sat still. His heart still raced. But he managed to glance back at them, a serious expression on them still with their head down. He asked, "You'll what?"

They smiled, "I basically said I feel the same. And I'd be pretty content stuck with you for the rest of my life," They gave a thoughtful glance upwards in thought, "Y'know, I thought I made it pretty obvious how I felt. Did I not?"

This time, Tighnari's rise in heat in his face was due to annoyance and he barked, "No, you did not make anything obvious!"

They laughed pushing themselves to sit up but still gazing at him. For a few moments, he just took deep breaths and tried to come to terms with his impossible solution coming to fruition. He'd thought millions of times about what he'd do should they reject him, but hardly given any thought to the opposite happening. He didn't really know what to do now.

Thankfully, they had an answer, "Y'know, now would be a really cute and kinda romantic time to kiss."

In a very 'them' fashion, they added, "It'd be like a scene from those romance books I like to read. All tense and then cute and soft-"

He shut up their annoying ramble by just grabbing their face gently and complying with their request. They hummed in delight and replied quickly.

Tighnari was content and proud to be a fox hybrid. But it becomes easier with each person that takes time to know him and understand him.

#tighnari x reader #tighnari #tighnari x you #genshin impact x you #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #x reader #fluff #cute #plants #first kiss #mutual pinning #cyno mentioned #collei mentioned

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tojiphile · 7 months

Text

ALL FAIRYTALES HAVE A HAPPY ENDING + GOJO SATORU

a/n. comfort fic. non-canon compliant. slight angst but happy ending of course <3 pre-established relationship with satoru, kissing, cuddling, words of affirmation.

most nights, satoru comes home late. when you first started dating him, it used to worry you. his absence plagued you with thoughts worse than cheating. you’d spend hours wondering if your boyfriend was still safe, praying for him to just be alive.

now, you’ve come to understand—he has a role, a part to play, a cog in the machine that makes the world run, that allows it to survive. still, that didn’t mean you had to like it.

now, on most nights when he’s back home late, you’re able to crawl into your side of the bed, and go to sleep. you stir when he joins you, cuddling up into you and pressing a kiss on your forehead. “you’re home?” you’d sigh into his neck. “i’m home.” he’s reply, whispering sweet nothings in your ear until you fall back asleep.

but tonight is different. you’re not one for superstitions (satoru proves them all wrong), but you can’t help but feel a sick sense of dread in your stomach. something was wrong. you ate dinner alone in front of the tv, flipping through channels. you stopped when you saw the news.

“this just in: shibuya is under attack! as of 7:00pm, shibuya has been placed under lockdown by a mysterious invisible wall. government officials are looking into the situation now. our sources tell us that the civilians trapped are crying for help desperately, all looking for one satoru gojo.”

you freeze.

“if anyone has any information on the situation, please call the hotline below…” the announcer’s words faded away as all your intrusive thoughts raced through your mind, your heart hammering in your chest. where was satoru? was he okay?

hands trembling, you reach for your phone and dial your boyfriend. it rings exactly three and a half times before the call ends. you call again, and again, and again, but he never picks up. so, you ring the only person you can think of—kiyotaka ijichi. satoru might jokingly insult the man sometimes, but all in the times you’ve been worried, kiyotaka had answered your questions, trying his best to remain calm, giving you answers as to where your boyfriend was.

he doesn’t pick up either.

you pace the living room. you know that satoru can handle anything. he was a living reminder of it. even in the times he’d come home, battered and bruised, he’d give you that same cocky grin, pointing his thumb at himself and declaring, “i’m the strongest!”

so you try your best to calm down, breathing deep breaths. whatever this was, satoru would come home. you just have to take a shower, go to bed, and when you wake up, he’ll be right there next to you, warm and inviting.

and you do just that. but as you lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling full of little glow in the dark stars that satoru helped you stick up, you couldn’t fall asleep. this was different somehow, you could feel it.

you return to the living room after pouring yourself a glass of wine. but just as you’re about to sit down, you hear the jingle of keys, a heavy sigh, a click, and the front door swings open.

“i’m home.”

satoru stands in the doorway. he looks too exhausted to move. there’s dried blood on his face and his eyes are glowing a vibrant sky of blue. you drop your of glass of wine, not caring as it shatters to the ground and race to your boyfriend. as you approach him, he finally lets his guard down, eyes returning to their normal hue.

you wrap your arms around him, clasping him tightly as you press your head into his chest. you can’t help the hot tears of relief that spill as you mumble, muffled by his clothes, “welcome home.”

he pulls you in, squeezing you tight, as if he was trying to mould the two of you together so you would never have to leave his side. he hugs you in all his despair, because you were the only reason he still fought.

after suguru passed, satoru lost the will to live. he fought, yes, he fought. but battle after battle, the bloodshed was never worth anything. there was no joy, no happiness because there was no love left to lose. he fought a good fight, but if he had lost, he would have stopped fighting.

but now, here, with you in front of him, holding onto him like he’s everything you’ve ever needed packed into a man-sized box, he knows that in your eyes, he’s more than just a figure of greatness. gojo satoru is simply a man who has wants and needs and flaws and feelings.

so for you, who sees him for him, he fights. everyday, he fights to come back home to you, to take you in his arms and hold you tight. he wants to press his body against yours and feel your warmth, and he doesn’t want to let it go even as he sees the morning light.

he kisses the top of your head and whispers, “i promised you i’d come home. i don’t break my promises. and after all…”

you can feel him smile into your head, “i am the strongest.”

(extra:

at his cheeky comment, you give him a firm whack on his buttocks, and he yelps in surprise, pulling away from you.

“mean!” he pouts, “i just got back from a long fight and won against the king of curses! shouldn’t you, my lovely girlfriend, be taking care of me?”

you shoot him a glare. “i thought you died! don’t play around at a time like this!”

he chuckles, “aw, was my poor baby worried about me?”

satoru wraps you up in another an embrace, but as you’re about to return he hug, you let out a yelp as he throws you over his shoulder and says, “let me take care of you now!”

you try to squirm out of his grip, but he’s holding onto your waist tightly. you can only see his ass from this point of view but you yell at him anyway, “i hate you!”

a smile. “i love you too.”)

#tojiphile #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jujutsu kaisen comfort #jujutsu kaisen angst #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru comfort #jjk

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luwritesomething · 1 year

Note

Billy Loomis x reader

Reader is having a horrible day and.billy comforts her

Billy Loomis x Reader: bad day (good life)

Warnings: Swearing (probably), bad day, billy climbing through your window

Tags: fluff, lowkey domestic, established relationship, a single kiss, bad day but good outcome, pre murders, ooc for billy (i don’t think so but he’s definitely not in his psychotic breakdown here)

Reader pronouns: Non stated (reader is referred to as ‘doll’ once).

Word count: 1109

Summary: Reader had a bad day, but good thing Billy boy is there to save the day.

Author’s note: i love him your honor :’) jesus christ it literally makes NO SENSE how much i love this man. please, keep the billy requests coming, i love writing for him!!!! pre murders, during murders, post murders, fluff, angst, you name it!!! i’ll write anything for him at this point <3 thank you for requesting @manyfandomsfanvergent, i loved writing this one and i really appreciate people sending requests :)

criticism, comments and reblogs are always appreciated! requests are open, especially for scream! hit that anon button and tell me your ideas. in the scream fandom, i write for billy loomis, stu macher, mickey altieri, chad meeks-martin, mindy meeks-martin, tara carpenter, anika kayoko, laura crane

The only light in the room was the one that came from the little lamp by your nightstand, barely enough to make certain corners of the bedroom visible enough. A soft but chill end-of-summer breath sneaked through the slightly open window, chilling the room down and forcing you to cover even better with your bed’s covers, since you had no energy to get up and close it.

The comforting covers’ weight wasn’t enough that day to make you feel anything different than the despair that had attacked your day since the moment you had woken up, and all you wanted was to fall asleep and face a new, better morning. But of course, nothing could go correctly, and your mind wouldn’t stop spinning and spiraling, keeping you wide awake instead of letting you drift into a sweet dream. Just great.

Billy hadn’t really noticed you were having a bad day, you had played it cool enough during your time together at school for his careful eye not to catch anything out of character, so his visit wasn’t really justified apart from wanting to get out of his house and possibly spend more time with you. When he saw that your window was open, he didn’t even try to warn you of his arrival, instead choosing to climb like he was already used to — he had probably used the door to your house once, that time he had come to check how you were feeling during that day you had skipped class because of being sick.

His eyes scanned the room from outside before he finally lifted himself with the help of his arms and slid into your bedroom, not used to so much darkness. Billy was surprised to not see you sitting on your desk, doing the English essay you had due tomorrow — he knew you hadn’t started because you had mentioned during lunch while you talked with Sidney. His eyebrows raised slightly when he saw you coddled on bed, covers and sheets almost completely covering your head.

“Everything alright, doll?”

His presence and voice triggered you so badly — given that, during your laments, you hadn’t heard him, especially considering how stealthy he always tried to be —, that you sat up, letting the covers fall around you as your heart beated desperately against your chest. You relaxed when you saw it was just Billy, but your heart continued to furiously attempt to break out from its place.

“Jesus, Billy, don’t ever scare me like that.” You muttered rather quickly, and then you let yourself go back to your previous position in bed. Billy smiled to himself as he made his way to your bed, slowly. You felt the mattress dip down when he sat by the end of it, and you sighed. “It’s just… a bad day.”

Billy looked at you from the corner of his eyes. “Hm?”

You gave in, letting your voice come out all muffled as you pressed your face against the pillow. “Terrible, actually.”

“Oh, no.” He chuckled, and you knew he wasn’t laughing at you when his weight shifted and he crawled to your side, mindful of not letting his boots touch your clean covers. When you moved your face away from the pillow, you saw his face just some inches away from yours, boring his eyes into yours. “What are we gonna do about that?”

A soft smile blossomed in your lips while his hand came up to cup your cheek, thumb lovingly brushing against your skin. “Come cuddle?” You whispered hopefully.

Billy just hummed, and the two seconds you had to wait for him to get rid of his boots was excruciating. Once he was barefoot, he slid next to you under the covers, his arms coming to surround you and press you closely against him — you wished more people knew this version of him. He looked gloomy and even scary from the outside, but his sweetness was betrayed by his eyes and his actions, not only with you, but with those he loved.

“There.” He said softly when your head came to rest in his chest. His heartbeat was slow, grounding, comforting, but most of all, familiar. “I missed you.”

You dismissed the fact you had seen each other throughout most of the whole day, and instead tried your best to lift your gaze to him. “Did you really?”

“Mhm.” Billy hummed softly, his fingers rubbing circles against your arm. “Thought about you the whole day. Do you wanna talk about it?”

“About what?”

“Your day?”

“Oh.” Your head instantly started to shake, a silent no that was quickly followed by, “Not really.”

You only knew he had acknowledged that because of the way he hummed, the vibrations reverberating against your head pressed to his chest. It was a warm feeling, fuzzy, that made you smile softly. You inhaled his scent slowly, letting his perfume surround you in that comfort your covers hadn’t been able to give you.

“You’re comfortable.” You muttered after some seconds, hiding your smile.

Billy couldn’t help but snort. “You’re not using me as a pillow.”

“I already am.”

“But you’re easy to shove.”

Laughter spilled from your mouth, and your arms came to surround his waist, under all the sheets covering you. “No!”

With a soft smile you didn’t see, Billy heard your laughter continue and eventually die, leaving just the trace of a genuine smile in your pretty face. His breath could have caught in his throat if this had been the first time he had ever seen you like this, but instead, he recognized the sight and the familiarity it brought him almost overwhelmed him.

“You laughed.” He said, after some minutes.

You frowned slightly. “Uh?”

“I made you laugh.” Billy pointed out, and you could hear the boyish grin in his lips. “Even when you were sulking so badly.”

“Get over it.” You said with a roll of your eyes, but not moving an inch from him. “It was a bad day, not a bad life.”

Billy just shook his head, his smile growing with every passing second, and holding you impossibly closer to him. You could get used to this, you thought, as you closed your eyes to focus on the heartbeat beating happily because of you. You’ve gotten used to this, you realized when Billy’s hand lifted your head with just tapping your chin, getting you to look at him with stars in your eyes that he certainly reciprocated.

“Kiss me?” You muttered, like asking for a promise.

He smiled, watching you for a few seconds before he finally leaned in, pressing a kiss to your lips. It was a promise.

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icyhottodo · 1 year

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WOULD YOU STILL LOVE ME IF I WAS A WORM?

characters: isagi, bachira, reo, rin & nagi | genre: fluffy fluff! pre-established relationship

warnings: pet names (love, babe, angel, sweetheart)

✩ ISAGI YOICHI

"would you still love me if i was a worm?"

it was a saturday afternoon, and you two decided to sleep in for the day. while scrolling through your preferred social media, you suddenly remembered a small but funny joke on isagi.

"what?"

"would you still love me if i was a worm?"

"i mean, babe. i love you and all, but how am i supposed to love you if you weren’t human-"

isagi cuts himself off when he notices your sad puppy dog face, staring at him in despair. his heart hurt at your sad face.

"love." isagi sighed, but he couldn't help but let out a small smile at your antics. pulling you even closer to his body.

"i will still love you as a worm."

✩ BACHIRA MEGURU

"would you still love me if i was a worm?"

"what are you talking about? of course i would! why wouldn’t i?" bachira questioned you as if that question had the most obvious answer.

"how would you know it's me?"

you inquired, still not convinced that bachira was completely certain about your question. bachira cups your face with one of his hands and forces you to look at his yellow, dilated eyes, filled with nothing but love.

"angel, if i didn’t automatically know the worm was you, then i would be disappointed in myself." bachira spoke with not an ounce of joking or teasing in his voice, only seriousness and love.

"now, would you love me as a worm?"

✩ MIKAGE REO

"would you still love me if i was a worm?"

you would see reo’s shocked face morph into a smile, hearing his boisterous laugh. "(y/n), you know, i expected you to ask that question sooner."

"what is that supposed to mean?"

"if you randomly turned into a worm," reo started, playfully ignoring your question. "i’ll make you the royalty of the worms. you’ll have the cutest fish bowl filled with the richest soil i can find, and if you want, i can find some worm friends for you!"

"you’ve awfully thought a lot about this question, reo." you chuckled at your boyfriend, feeling the heat reach your face now, knowing that reo would pamper the hell out of you even if you were a worm.

"only the best for my love."

✩ ITOSHI RIN

"rin?"

"no."

"i haven't even asked the question yet!" you sulked, getting up to walk away before rin (who was laughing) gently grabbed you by the wrist.

"what is the question, sweetheart?" rin stops laughing and pulls you back down onto the couch, which you reluctantly agree with before a cheeky smile appears on your face.

"would you still love me if i was a worm?"

"babe," rin deadpans. "no."

this caused you to loudly and dramatically exclaim, "WHAT?" before pulling yourself up to leave once again until rin grabbed you once more.

"c’mon babe, what's the point? i can’t touch you like this or even speak to you. i would rather have a normal human you."

"but rin! it’s not like i’m ever going to turn into one!"

"okay then, would you love me as a worm?"

"of course!"

"you’re just saying that because i said no."

"it's not just because of-"

✩ NAGI SEISHIRO

"would you still love me if i was a worm?"

no answer.

"nagi."

no answer again.

"sei!" you shook nagi out of his flow; you were just sitting on his lap while he was playing some random video game he liked on his computer.

"yes, m’love? sorry, was focusing." nagi would glance at you for a few seconds, indicating that he is listening to you, before his eyes reverted back to the game on the screen.

"would you still love me if i was a worm?"

"if you're able to keep cuddling with me at night even if you were a worm, i don't care." you sighed at his answer.

"sei, i mean an actual worm with no ability to do anything but wiggle." you wiggled to accentuate the "wiggle-ness."

"then you’re already one."

"NAGI."

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joaofelix70 · 8 months

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69 WITH JOÃO FÉLIX | a concept.

author's note: first of all, thank you for reading this and my first story that was boycotted by his ex's fans, lmao (i know joão's flopping here, actually) 💀

many people are not writing for him anymore and that's why i'm doing justice to him, so you're welcome, lol. please, tell me what you think about this work, polite feedbacks are VERY appreciated. i get inspired in the morning and wrote it kinda quickly. really random, but i need to say how obsessed i am with joão being religious, like this gif shows. the way he's crossing himself, kissing his hand and pointing to the sky 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

I'M CRYING, SOBBING ON MY KNEES AND BEGGING HIM TO HAVE A RELIGIOUS FAMILY WITH ME. also, my requests are open. i'm waiting for you to talk to me there <3

warnings: self-explanatory sex position. +18 content. smut, nsfw without context. plus, he's also fingering you here (our dream 😭).

words: 461.

"holy shit, what a good pussy. i missed it, princesa (princess). i missed you!" his fingerprints wrap in your midst of the hot, overflowing fountain: causing an insatiable thirst, to which no other substance would be able to succumb.

"i always need you so badly, gatinho (handsome). i fucking belong to you!" your whimpers exude despair in the name of pleasure, making joão laugh and his ego to inflate.

"of course you do! all this shit, all this is only mine. fuck, i'm such a lucky guy." your walls tighten and compress his beautiful bones, sending sinful sensations to his area of hardness and dampness. then, you're empty. his tongue curls around his fingers, appetizing you.

"so fucking delicious!" wet kisses are deposited on your neck and boobs: delighting his face on each, vehemently sucking and biting them.

"use my body to show it, joão. i'm yours!" your hands involve around the structure of his cock, lips swallowing the resplendent pre-cum from the head and witnessing it run down your chin. stroking and tasting the testicles, you lift your mouth and enter every inch of it into your throat, scratching his toned tights. your hair is pulled by félix and your head guided to have him deeper, completely.

"yeah! just like that! be the good and grateful girl that you are. i'm so proud of you, princesa." joão's destabilized, moaning in portuguese, echoing your name with his beautiful accent, while eyes are closed. however, he doesn't stop. his saliva spread throughout the shape of your torso, hickeys pigmenting the place below where you're most begging to be touched. his mouth explores your intimacy, painting formats and drawings, like you're his work of art: his nose rubbing your clit and offering continual instigations, the tip of his tongue persistently granting the beg leave in the entrance. so he persists, controlling your greedy movements against his face: firm pressure on your waist.

"let me know when you're close, ok? wanna take care of you!" félix grabs your ass, flattening and reddening your skin. tears are shed over your flushed face, your voice weakened after so many verbal liberations. you hold his dilating dick and slap it on your cheek, teasing it through licks and your light, sensitive touch.

"tell me how much you love me, gatinho. i deserve this for being your good girl who is about to cum on your face." you testify his acts getting intensified: ecstasy, along with sexual spasms, protruding from joão. his head goes back and, at this point, he's worshiping you. you're his religion.

"i fucking love you, y/n. gonna cum in your precious mouth and throat!"

"that's my man who i fucking love! please, come for me and i'll do the same for you!"

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meanbossart · 3 months

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its very funny to me that most of the bhaalists you meet are pretty grungy then we have the bhaalspawn. gaudy and decked out to the nines in the highest of Murder Royalty fashion. i also love how your Durge's use of accessories feels so ostentatious next to Orin's (which is saying something). nice bit of characterization!

also a bit of an aside since you talked about pre-tadpole DURGE's relationship with the other Chosen and i've thought they were interesting/unique interpretations so far; what did he think of Ketheric?

THANK YOU FOR NOTICING, that is very much intentional! DU drow spent several years being pretty much something of a feral child/teen, constantly urged (hah) on by Scleritas' promises of greatness and status if he could just survive long enough to make it to Baldur's Gate, to the temple, and hence prove himself worthy of his heritage. I figured that someone like that, once they acquired what they wanted, would absolutely lavish in it.

He basically role-played royalty and godhood to anyone he met. This of course contrasted terribly with his vile behavior, which he could only keep under wraps for so long during any interaction. This was not someone you wanted as a guest at your fancy royal ball.

Sorry, for your actual question now LOL

As much as I love Ketheric, their relationship was probably the least interesting of the three. While Gortash let pre-pole drow get under his skin, and Orin had years-long rapport with him for an interesting relationship to flourish, I don't think Ketheric would have ever given him the time of day. Certainly not for a lack of trying though; I can picture DU drow nagging him for his age, his history, his choices, his daughter. He's old and tired and far too familiar with the likes of him, however. More crestfallen than usual today, Thorm, I take your most recent date with Melodia didn't culminate in much. Have you tried warming her up first? That works for me whenever I visit your daughter - Oh, what is that look? My most wizened consort, has your manhood diminished beyond restoration? Is that it? My apologies, Insensitive of me to brag - Insensitive of me to even be here. My presence alone must have you reminiscing of far more virile years. You can look, if you want, if Shar minds not that you take pleasure on it - you do, don't you? You must miss it. You must miss it dearly. Don't despair, your body might not be what it once was, but if it serves as comfort, your legacy is damned to last much longer despite all your efforts to the contrary. And I, for one, am most impressed at your willingness to turn your pride into a putrid death-pit - Ketheric, Ketheric - has the cat gotten your tongue? Ketheric - well, alright, I will see you some other time. Lovely chattin' as always, Ketheric.

#ask #DU drow #ketheric thorm

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prince-liest · 1 month

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Yo, I'm writing a pre canon fic in which young fanboy Vox gets assigned as Alastor's assistant by Lilith, any tips for characterising him?

I think you have a lot of room for leeway and playing around since you're working with pre-canon, but the main points that I tend to at least personally keep around as a scaffold for writing Vox are:

He's got a Charisma modifier of, like, +4. This doesn't mean he's always suave - in fact, he's pretty pathetic around Alastor in particular! But he knows how to put on a performance that appeals to his intended audience, whether that be a customer base whose trust he's winning over, or a fellow Vee that he's trying to wrangle into behaving. He switches between ridiculous showmanship and collected CEO, and this works for him despite both personas being rife with overcompensation.

Every single one of the Vees including Vox thinks they're the only normal, reasonably-behaving person in the room, it's wild.

He's smart, he's capable, he's manipulative. He's good at knowing what people want and how to leverage that to sell them those things. The general population thinks he's #goals thanks to the image he puts forth.

He's a piece of shit that has no qualms with Valentino's behavior with Angel Dust, Velvette selling date rape drugs, or abusing his own hypnosis ability to manipulate people into buying his products (which include spyware literally advertised to voyeurs). This is part of the fun of this character!!

I think he has a lot of very fun physicality to him (as do most of the Hazbin Hotel characters), and I really recommend re-watching some of his scenes to get the hang of how he moves and interacts with people physically because you'd be surprised at how much that can add to characterization even in a non-visual format like writing.

...I also genuinely think he's kind of a horny bastard, to whatever extent and rating your story could even use that, but that's me extrapolating from his behavior around both Alastor and Valentino. It's just a fun cherry on top of the "low impulse control around Alastor" thing, because he's got so much going for him on the intelligence front that it's really funny to me when he tangibly switches to thinking with his dick.

And, of course, on the subject of Alastor in particular:

He's obsessive, and Alastor makes all of his impulse control go out the window. I started using the "Vox's One-sided Psychosexual Obsession with Alastor (Hazbin Hotel)" tag for a reason, and it's that I think it's in fact really funny how much evidence we get in canon that Vox doesn't just hate Alastor and want to dominate him, he'd also probably roll right over into the affectionately wheedling persona he uses with Valentino if Alastor suggested he'd take it well.

We don't just see Vox wanting Alastor dead, we also see Alastor telling us that Vox first asked him to join him; the torn-in-half photo of them standing together; and Vox pretty much popping a boner over Alastor getting wrecked by Adam, nevermind how manically he jumps around to get a word in before Alastor even shows his face during Stayed Gone. Even his little "Fu-uu-uuuuuck!" at the end of the song is like 50% actual despair and 50% :pleading: emoji. He wants Alastor, obviously, and I think a lot of the anger that he's projecting at Alastor in canon is specifically anger at being rejected, which is frantically covering up the fact that he is still desperately, embarrassingly into the radio deer. If Alastor won't join him, Vox has to beat him.

Anyway, I love this funky little TV. This was by no means a comprehensive guide or anything like that, but I hope it helped share at least some of my personal thoughts on writing him!

#ask #personal #Anonymous #hazbin hotel #vox #hazbin hotel vox #meta #my writing

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thyandrawrites · 6 months

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On "dream doping", or the lesson to be learned from despair

Alteratively titled: why breaking up with your high school sweetheart is vital for a career in soccer (with or without said sweetheart. Signed: Ego Jinpachi)

buckle up, this is a long one

We know that Reo went into this match with several hungups as to why Nagi would leave him behind, even going as far as asking Chigiri and Kunigami why they'd pick him

And his voice shaking (notice the wobbly speech bubble) as he repeats the validation, like he doesn't quite believe it to be true anymore. And then during the match he kept alternating between talking himself up and trash talking Isagi with increasingly frantic urgency. He needed to test his worth against Isagi and come out victorious to prove that he was worthy of being the genius' partner, yes, but one important factor is that he did all of this specifically seeking Nagi's approval. He needed to hear it from him, because it's Nagi's departure that crushes Reo's confidence in the first place. Before that moment, Reo was self-assured and cocky, even looking down on other players he felt were beneath him. But we could argue that confidence was born from a shaky foundation—the idea of staying a team with Nagi until the world cup and their eventual victory together for Japan.

I think a factor that doesn't often get brought up in Reo commentaries is that Reo derives a lot of his winning self-image from tag-teaming with a genius

And it's from "borrowing" his talent that Reo feels he lifts their collective value to genius level

And in the process, Reo also tends to undersell his own skills by comparison, and letting them stay an accessory to Nagi's brilliance,

despite how it's been remarked that Reo's a bit of a genius in his own light. If he honed that potential, he could be a big threat, too. Alone.

This is by design, of course. He foils pre blue lock Rin for this reason, too. Reo and young Rin are similar in that they both consider their soccer partner the true star of the show, subordinating their own skills as just a fancy accessory to make their partners shine and become world's best with them right at their heels.

The unfortunate consequence of this is that they end up internalizing that their dream is not achievable without their partner(s), because they ingrained being a sidekick so deep into that plan that they simply see themselves unwilling or unable to chase it on their own.

Hence why, for the continuation of their dream, it becomes vital to have their partner's approval. They just don't see the point in going on alone. Losing the partnership means losing the reason to play altogether.

Now, of course this mindset is incompatible with blue lock. Nothing really new there. Reo was always framed as the delusional oddball for signing up for the program with the intended goal of using it to make Nagi the best, rather than himself. In other words, for trying to bend the system into accommodating his dream rather than accepting Ego's philosphy and playing by Ego's rules. And of course, that plan was bound to be put to the test when Reo&Nagi got the first taste of "despair".

The series posits that despair is the feeling you get when your dream doesn't measure up to reality and threatens to crash and burn. Ego posits that there's only one way out of it that doesn't involve self-destruction. And that's avoiding the trap of the so-called "dream doping".

But what does "engraving despair" even mean in simple terms? I think Ego's point is that after experiencing a crushing, frustrating defeat, some players (the normies, or those who don't go very far) simply think "next time we'll win" without putting any active energy into changing their playstyle and rebuilding it anew to face the growing challenges and "devour" them along the way.

Think of Barou, and how he managed to come back after Isagi and Nagi made him effectively useless in the field. What Barou did was evolving into someone even more chaotic and unpredictable, and devouring them right back. Barou himself cites the despair he felt during that match as the catalyst of his growth and winning goal. In other words, instead of dream doping, Barou adapted and survived in a battlefield that would've otherwise left him in the dust.

But not every player has the presence of mind to pick themselves back up as the match is still unfolding, and when the defeats rolls around, they fold under the weight of that despair. We see this in action. When Sae evolves so rapidly in Spain and eats Rin for breakfast during their 1v1, Rin's reaction to despair is dream doping (at least at first). So is Reo's when he loses to team white. Faced with opponents that had an explosive soccer growth, they struggle to keep pace, and then refuse to face reality and admit they also need to change their playstyle to keep staying in the game.

In Reo's case, he even goes as far as saying he doesn't have "the courage to let himself be destroyed and reborn." And that defeatist attitude is what leads team white to choose Chigiri instead. A real egoist doesn't think "I cannot do it" but instead keeps fighting tooth and nail until the end.

But Reo isn't there yet. If you analyse his body language at the end of the match, it's clear he expects a rejection before it even comes. Notice his posture

Having just had a taste of the limits of his skills against strong opponents, his reaction is resigned. His stance is defensive and closed off. His arms and legs are crossed, he's the only one on the ground, his head is hung in defeat and avoiding Nagi's eyes. Even the camera angle looks at him from above, like he's already doomed himself by deciding to stay on the ground, not picking himself up. Remember, it's Kunigami who lifts him from his collar. Reo doesn't have that strength alone.

This transition here also shows it well imo. True to fashion, he only shows a reaction when Nagi's directly addressing him. A part of him is still wishing for things between them to mend, to go back to how they were. There's hope written all over his face in that second panel, but the moment he hears what Nagi has to say, it abruptly morphs into pain.

Nagi echoes the words Reo wanted to tell him when they split, but to Reo it doesn't come across as the approval he was seeking. Rather, as the opposite: while Reo couldn't bring himself to encourage Nagi to go ahead in fear that Nagi wouldn't look back (that is, in fear Nagi wasn't as attached to him and their dream as Reo was)... Nagi says them easily enough. And to Reo, that's more crushing than the loss itself because he misconstructs it as indifference towards their promise.

It all circles back to Reo's insecurity. While Nagi just showed him he's able to change even without Reo as his partner, Reo is insecure about being able to do the same because he sees them as his biggest weapon, not anything inherent to Reo alone. Thus, once Nagi mines the foundation of Reo's confidence (their team up), any step Nagi takes in an effort to get them closer to the world cup in Reo's eyes is just another step away from it (and from him). Reo always assumed they'd crossed that finish line together, that he'd build Nagi up into the world's best striker. He wasn't prepared for a path where Nagi teams up with other people, leaving Reo powerless in the sidelines—their combo (and thus himself) a weapon that outlived its usefulness.

Much like Rin declaring that he'd lose his reason to play soccer if he can't chase his dream with Sae the way they had agreed to, Reo metaphorically sees his future as the "abnormal monster duo" crumbling away (notice the decaying effect on the square with his internal narration). Instead of taking steps towards ensuring their dream still has a chance of happening in the future, he sees it as already doomed.

The thing is, Reo isn't ready to give up on it, though. He doesn't want to. I could be wrong about this but him seeking out a clean cut from Nagi came across to me less as if he was blaming Nagi for leaving, and more like he seeked a fight as self-punishment for his thoughts during the match. In the previous chapter, he tried stifling Nagi's potential and then resented himself for it. Now, his internal narration is almost goading Nagi's anger. I think it's still up in the air whether he was lashing out because he was overwhelmed by his conflicting feelings or if he was seeking out Nagi's rejection because he hated himself for not measuring up to his own standards during the match. Maybe a bit of both.

Point is, Reo is refusing to face reality. By saying "then pick me", to cite Ego, he's denying that he was powerless in the match, and putting the entire brunt of his loss onto Nagi's shoulders for not choosing him. Simply put, he's relying on Nagi to open up the door to go further in blue lock instead of growing into the player that gets to choose who to pick.

And Nagi recognizes this and feels hurt by it, cause if Reo refuses to evolve, switch up tactics and try new things, he's also implicitly refusing to go further in the program. From Nagi's perspective, it's Reo that's breaking their promise by being unwilling to put in the effort to keep staying in the game. Remember, the consequence for failing blue lock is no longer being allowed to play professionally for Japan. If Reo quit putting up a fight, his dream would be over for good.

And the story tells us, the measure of a great striker is how they react to the challenges thrown in their path. Nagi's growth happens specifically because he doesn't tie his success to Reo, but knows when to throw in other variables and when cooperating with Reo makes them stronger. In Nagi's eyes, their dream is not reliant on their combo, but their combo is a weapon that makes their dream achievable. Whereas Reo based his plan to get the world cup around his partnership with Nagi, and let his own skills lay dormant and underdeveloped cause he always defaulted to passing to Nagi to score.

But when Nagi leaves the equation for good, Reo's forced to address where his own strengths really lie and how to weaponize them to avoid elimination. That's why the chameleon awakens for the first time. It gets roused by Reo's despair, which gets "engraved" only when it dawns on Reo that their combo is not an option anymore, and it's on Reo and Reo alone to fight his way back up, evolving and devouring rivals along the way. And much like Nagi's talent for trapping, Reo's stregth was also inherent, and never just reliant on them being a team.

#blue lock #blue lock meta #episode nagi spoilers #mikage reo #nagi seishiro #nagi seishirou #reo mikage #episode nagi #bllk thoughts #this got way longer than I planned. sorry if it's messy

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dreamauri · 9 months

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‧˚⊹ 𝗱𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗶 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 ଓ :: 𝗠𝗩𝟭 ‧₊˚⤾

you are reading :: part six !!

╭╯ pairing . . . max verstappen x fem! driver! reader ) ┊ summary . . . lets do this one more time ) ┊ genre . . . angst) ╰╮ warning . . . X )

☆★ eheheheheehe, dont mind me just dancing in the background ━━━━

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R0, PRE-SEASON TESTING 2024 — Bahrain International Circuit, Bahrain

As shameful as it felt, you zipped up your dark blue and white Alpha Tauri suit. "Radio check." You heard your new engineer through the radio as your team pushed you out for pre-season testing.

You could only hum a reply as you waited for the go, driving the car out into the track around the Arabian circuit. "Gearbox." You simply said in the radio to report the area the team needs to fix. "Steering is too loose." "Copy."

You pulled into the pitlane, hopping out if the car once your team rolled the car into the garage. You sat on the floor, watching to team quietly fix the problems you pointed out. "You okay, nunu?" "Yallah, Come on." You broke out of your trance, looking at your brothers at the entrance, waving for you to come over.

You shook your head, leaning in head on your knees, closing your eyes to catch some rest even though you knew you were probably not going to sleep.

You heard girls laugh among themselves as you walked by. You felt jealous. Oh what you'd give to have friends like so, making fun of and gossiping about stupid female figures like yourself.

You forced a smile and a laugh as Daniel popped up from behind you, giving you quick hug. You watched him walk away in his red bull gear with a face if regret and despair. You'd switched seats with him under the orders of the CEO, claiming you had performance issues, forgetting your miraculous P1 from P20 and six win streak with your first full seat, and eleven f1 wins in 15 races.

Your world felt dark after you were sent home with Visa expiration. You spent the rest of the year in the El-Gamazi compound, helping out on the farm and in the Mechanics shop. You still felt embarrassed and ashamed, no matter how many times your family tried to lift your feelings up.

You'd switched flags, driving under the German flag instead of the short lived Egyptian one. You didn't want a stupid girl like you to misrepresent such a country.

You honestly didn't care about misrepresenting Germany because those assholes already had 20+ world championships in their pockets thanks to your family, Vettel and Schumacher.

Your family of course was furious to hear with the switch, not believing your shit excuse to switching which made your world fe like it was falling apart even more. "—You hungry." Yuki held a plate of fruits his performance coach had cut up, snapping you out of your daze.

"Oh I'm sorry. We're you sleeping?" "No, your good." You gave him a weak smile, leaning back in you chair. "I'm full thank you." You shook your head, denying his offer politely. "You should eat." He insisted, putting the plate on the table and pushing it towards you.

You know your stomach needed it but you just couldn't bring yourself to swallow it. "Our cars are definitely faster than last season so you don't have to worry." You chuckled, nodding. That wasn't what was bothering you though. You didn't depend on speed alone, you had enough skill to pull the Alpha Tauri in the top five if it could only qualify in the top ten.

But you knew your limits. That car can never win a race. Not with Max nor RedBull on the grid anyways.

This was surly going to be a hell of a season for you. You could feel it creeping on your back with sharp claws and a wide pointy-tooth smile, awfully reminding you of the 'other mother' from Caroline.

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

R3 - QUALLIFYING Sunday, March 31 2024 — Melbourne Grand Prix Circuit, Australia

"That is P7. P7 for tomorrow's race." You could feel your breath hitched in your throat. You've never been so low in the grid when pushing so hard. "Mhm." You hummed in acknowledgment.

"You alright, kid?" "Sure." You sighed as pulled yourself out of your car. You kept the helmet on as you walked away, putting your hands in your pockets. You could hear the faint shouting and booing from the stadiums directed towards you, trying your hardest to act unfazed.

'What am I doing here.' You couldn't help but ask yourself as your back slouched, leaning against a random wall as the day took its course. "Y/N!" You heard Yuki running towards you practically jumping in his spot. "P8!" You heard him cheer. You could only chuckle, starting pull your helmet and balaclava off, giving the Japanese a high five. At least someone was happy.

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

R3 - RACE DAY Sunday, April 1 2024 — Melbourne Grand Prix Circuit, Australia

You felt someone pat your helmet once you settled in your car. "Good luck, Y/N." "Thanks, Christian." You gave him a polite smile to show through the visor peak. You sat in silence, leaning your head on the steering wheel, blurring out the noise around you.

"Hey!" Looking to see the the source of disturbance, your eyes softened seeing Max pat your back. "You got this." He shouted over the music, holding his fist up for you to bump. You gave him a small smile, returning the gesture.

"Its light out and away we go!"

Lap 16 :: "Make some space." You grumbled pushing Norris thin, giving Yuki the opportunity to over take which he did.

You were working your way up the grid, slowly but surly. P7 and P8 to P5 and P6. "Just a few more." You encouraged yourself trying to pressure your younger brother. "Out of the way." you called going wheel to wheel with him.

"Girl, get off." You faintly heard him chuckle as you made space for Yuki to overtake 'round the outside.

"That is incredible performance from both Alpha Tauries. Great team work. From P7 and P8 to P4 and P5.

Lap 22 :: "Holy! Get- Hey! Out of my way." You scoffed as you batteled it out with Daniel. One more overtake and it would be a podium for Yuki. "Dan- DANIEL." You steered clear from him, momentarily losing your control and spinning out, costing you a few positions as you quickly got back on the track few cars behind Yuki.

Lap 35 :: "Mother fuckin- GASLY!" All the drivers were being so defensive, to the point you couldn't go through their walls. Especially this one. "MOTHER FUCKER!" "Y/N, calm down." "YOU DONT GIVE ME ORDERS."

This was a shit box. A SHIT BOX.

You were stuck in P6 again with drivers from different teams working together to block you, it frustrated you to the point that Arabic cuss words started to flow through your mouth to the point they had to censor it over the big speakers from how bad they were ( don't underestimate Arabic cuss words).

Lap 49 :: "Killian? What the— MAX?! ARE THEY LAPPING ME?" "Yes." "IM FLOORING IT— HEY!" You slammed your fist in the steering wheel as you watched them over take with DRS and there was nothing you could do.

Final Lap :: "That's P6, P6!" You engineer cheered as you crossed the line. "—There is nothing to be happy about." You scolded frustrated. Even though you understood that this particular team didn't regularly get so high up in the points and had, of course, felt a surge of dopamine, you didn't. You let your anger and frustration blind you.

"We're not P1, we're not even on the podium. There is NOTHING to be happy about." You raged, slamming the steering wheel on the floor once you got out of the car. "Shit box." You insulted the car, kicking its side even though you know it didn't have feelings for you to hurt.

They took your weight before you stomped off to your driver's room, throwing your gear off in a hurry as you felt your vision start to blur. It felt so hamulating.

There's never been a Kraus so low in the points, they must all be either laughing at you for being such a clown or cussing at you for weighing their precious name down.

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"I thought you didn't drink?" You sat between your brothers in a bar, downing your third beer. "I lost my dignity. Might as well lose my liver." You slurred, leaning your head back as you let the liquid trickle down your throat.

Everyone around the booth felt the dark aura coming from you. This wasn't Seventeen, the mysterious girl. Neither was this the Y/N, the girl they'd briefly met with last year.

Your eyes didn't shine like they used to, and there was this permanent scowl on your face. "Sorry I'm lat—She's—" Max dropped his jaw, pointing at you finishing the bottle and slamming it on the table.

"Drinking, yeah." Killian mumbled as he kept his eyes on you. "I think it's kind of funny." Daniel chuckled, sliding a tequila shot on the table towards you.

"Yuki should have this. For his highest ever Points finiiiish!! P FOUUUUR!" You cheered along with the rest of the table, sliding the glass towards your teammate.

"I shouldn't—" He tried to decline only for you and everyone else to start chanting` his name. You pat his back once he downed it. The Japanese couldn't help but smile as you gave him a toast, a beginning to a nice friendship.

Max couldn't help but feel left out. Weren't you friends with him first?

Wasn't he the one that was by your side when your uncle got a heart attack? Took care of Leila? Stayed by your side when people found out your name? Comforted you when the news of your now late uncle came out?

"That's enough drinking for you." Max commented, pulling the bottle out of your hands. He had found you standing in a random corner, nodding your head to the music Heyy, no fair!" You pouted trying to reach for it, only to end up finding yourself leaning on his chest for balance. "Yah Allahhhh. Enta dafi awiii." [oh wow, you're so warm] You giggled quietly, wrapping your arms around his neck.

Max felt his stomach do flips, his free hand gently finding its way to the small of your back for extra support. This was going to be a long night.

player.17

liked by alphataurif1 and yukitsunoda0511 and 49k others player.17 the only time i'll wear makeup and pose

user did she just cut her hair ↳ player.17 no, i made a rocket and invaded mars

user why tf would you chop it off like that ↳ user exactly! the only thing she has is her looks and now shes ruining that too ↳ user id still fuck her idc

user ok but like- we miss your smile y/n ↳ user who the fuck is we ↳ user WE? WHAT?? who the fuck is we??? ↳ user we? who's we? where we? WHEN WE?? HOW WE ↳ user there is no we ↳ user speak for yourself ↳ user no, we dont, we dont miss your smile y/n

user wtf is yuki doing in the likes, like we dont see him ↳ user they're teammates?

user is she smoking? ↳ user its fake, she's an athlete, she doesnt smoke

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

R4, MEDIA DAY Thursday, April 4 2024 — Suzuka International Racing Course, Japan

"Noo!!" Your turned looking back to see your teammate on his knees a few feet away from you. "The world is going to fall apart." He mumbled faking his death, falling face down.

You could only chuckle to yourself watching him, putting your hands on your hips as you watched Max stop by looking at the sprawled out Yuki confused. "Whats up with him?" He questioned, nudging the short man with his foot.

"Don't kick me Max, I will bite you." Yuki warned sitting up and pushing Max's leg away. "What are you fussing about anyway—HOLY MOTHER OF CHEESE CRACKERS." Max regretted leaving you alone that week between Australia and Japan. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!" He was the one fussing now, taking your short locks in his hair, mouth wide with shock.

"IS THIS A JOKE TO YOU? YOU HAVE HAIR LIKE RUPUNZEL!! WHY— WHY?!" You could only laugh to yourself as Max argued with himself, putting his hands on his head, wide eyed and in shock. "You've lost your traveling alone privileges, I don't care. I'm not letting you do stupid shit ever again."

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