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meatydilfpp · 5 months

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Like Moth to Flame (Stu Marcher x fem!Reader)

Summary: Stu had always been followed by some kind of darkness, that most people did not seem to realise. You however, revelled in it.

In which reader is equally deranged as Stu, and suspects he had something to do with the murders of Casey and her boyfriend. She wants him to open up to her and be hers once and for all.

Warnings/Tags: Explicit sexual content, obsessive behaviour, infatuation, vaginal fingering, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex, creampies, discussions of murder, mentions of blood, reader is equally deranged as Stu is. No use of Y/N, reader has no physical description other than being shorter than Stu. Reader has female anatomy.

Words: 4.3k

Cross-posted on ao3.

A/N: This is my first time writing fan fiction since 2018 and I wanna come back strong baby. Additionally, this is my first time ever posting on tumblr so pls be kind while I learn to navigate. I found the lack of exclusive Stu x reader fics disturbing, so I did something about it. Likes and reblogs, as always, greatly appreciated.

Guys, I want the constructive criticism, so feel free to rant about it in my asks if you want! More to come soon x

Also, not beta read 😬

Stu had always been followed by some kind of darkness, that most people did not seem to realise. A kind of malevolent energy followed his every step and action, even though he appeared like a typical teenage boy, forever shrouded in the shadow of Billy Loomis, the guy every girl in school wanted to date, and every boy in school wanted to be mates with. You however, revelled in that darkness, drawn to it like a moth to flame. It was just as well that Stu himself was incredibly social and engaged in regular conversation with you, about everything and anything. It sometimes made you wonder if he was drawn to you the way you were drawn to him. You didn’t have many friends, just a small group of people, you weren’t part of any clubs or societies, you were just there, going to classes, then home, rinse and repeat.

So when the murders of Casey Becker and her boyfriend shook everyone else to the core, you were unbelievably intrigued. And the only person who seemed to be just as unfased as you was Stu.

“I’m just saying, it seems counter productive to call the person you’re trying to kill beforehand. Gets rid of your element of surprise.” Stu said looking down at you as he leaned against a locker and sucking on a lollipop. Next period was soon, and you needed to grab a few books from your locker for your next class. “No you’re right, but-“ you slammed the door to your locker shut, “It’s more fun that way.” You finished with a slight smirk on your face looking up at him. He was so much taller.

More fun that way. Stu could feel his cheeks getting hotter and the fire at the pit of his belly growing larger at your words. You understood. You were just like him. He was sure that if you were to be let out and do something as heinous as what he and Billy have been doing, you would do just as well if not better. Billy had his own motives for what they had done and were planning to do, but he was just there for the thrill of it. Seeing someone beg for their life on their knees in front of him, while he had the power to take it all away, made him feel like a god. Stu had been speaking to you for a while now, he knew you were interested in true crime, horror movies and the like. For a while he believed that your interests simply ended there. Something that intrigued you, something to do to pass the time. But ever since the case of Casey broke out in the community, he has seen nothing but genuine interest in finding out who Ghostface was from you. Not the simplicity of finally identifying who the killer is, but something deeper. He saw how you wanted to get to know him on a more substantial level, understand his motives, his thought process, everything. Sometimes he wondered what you’d do if he told you. Even better, how would things be if you joined him instead of Billy.

He looked down at you with a smirk on his face “Oh yeah? How would you do it then?” You hummed in thought as you walked with him to your next class. You figured if you went into too much detail he’d probably freak out, so instead you simply said: “I would make sure she knew I was coming for her. Nothing personal, but you know, if I am to do something horrible like that, I should at least go all out.”

“So you’d go for something slasher-like or?”

“Slasher. The more blood the better.” You cut him off.

He could barely contain his smile, every word coming out of your mouth drew you to him even more. He had to find a way to get closer to you. He even felt the need to drop in front of you on his knees and tell you everything. You’d probably shake your head at him disappointed and berate him for his sloppiness. He hoped you’d tell him how to do it better, give him ideas, maybe even tell him who to go after next.

“I didn’t think you’d be so messy with it. Being sloppy can lead to getting caught, you know.” He said.

“How do you know Stu, have you done this before?” You asked as you rounded a corner on your way to your classroom. You didn’t know why, but you had a feeling Stu was somehow involved. Logically, you had no reason to suspect him, no more than anyone else in the school, but you felt it deep within you that he wasn’t innocent. There was a glint in his eye every time the incident was brought up, a suppressed look of pride at his actions that he wasn’t able to let out. You wanted to pull that out from him, wanted him to open up to you and only you. If he was Ghostface that is. You were aware that you might be hallucinating the whole thing, but you wouldn’t let that stop you. You wanted to draw that side of him out, and you’d try your best to do just that. The answers to his questions were genuine, and the way he looked at you made you want to fall to your knees for him and worship him; reward him for a job well done. Clean his knives for him, wipe the blood from his face.

“Are you serious?” He quipped back, a slight frown on his face, and you shrugged.

“You seem to know an awful lot Stu.” You said looking up at him suspiciously.

Suddenly, you saw his chest in front of you and you felt yourself be pushed against the wall. Stu leaned his head to look down at you, his one hand toying with the lollipop between his lips. “So do you.” His voice was low “You wouldn’t want me to think it is you, now would you?”

Your eyes danced between his plump lips and icy blue eyes. You toyed with the idea of telling him that it was you, and see his reaction to you taking credit for his work. You decided otherwise, you wouldn’t want to get to his bad side after all, even though you knew he was aware that this was a game for the both of you.

“It’s not me, Stu.” You gently placed your hand on his chest, your eyes staring up at him from underneath your eyelashes. He didn’t say anything back, his eyes boring into yours, his heartbeat a steady rhythm underneath your fingertips. You were so close to him, physically that is, that you could feel the heat radiating off of him. Suddenly, you noticed how red his lips seemed, probably from the lollipop he was sucking. You wanted to take it from him, so that he would finally be able to lean down and place his lips on top of yours. His deep breathing seemed like he was about to do just that, before he let out a deep chuckle that resonated within you.

“You wouldn’t have it in you anyway.” he taunted as he leaned away to let you resume your walking. That statement alone made you want to kill him. He didn’t know what you were and weren’t capable of doing. If he gave you a chance you could prove him wrong any day, properly show him how you would’ve done it.

You shook your head at him. “Whatever you say, Stu.” You turned around to walk away before the sound of your name brought you to a halt.

“Come over to my place tonight.” He said with a look full of confidence, like he was sure you wouldn’t deny him. You were certainly intrigued, this would be the first time you’d hang out with him outside school, and you had zero inclination as to what he may possibly want from you. Regardless, you wanted to humour him, and above all you wanted to be alone with him. It was very obvious you were into him, in more ways than just physically. The darkness that drew you to him seemed to be drawing him to you equally and you wouldn’t pass that opportunity.

“Okay.” You simply said before turning around and heading to your next class, leaving him standing in the middle of the hallway, as people passed by him.

——

Later in the evening, after school, after homework, and after contemplating every possible scenario regarding tonight’s encounter, you suddenly found yourself in Stu’s bedroom, some horror film playing in the background. The room itself held a mix of horror memorabilia, along with the remnants of a seemingly ordinary life- books, movie posters, and a well-worn jacker casually thrown over his desk chair. Your legs crossed, you were sitting on top of his bed, your back against the headboard, the muted glow of a single desk lamp casting an amber hue. Stu was sat next to you, his side touching yours, the heat from his body keeping you warm. A million thoughts were racing through your head, as he hadn’t said anything profound the entire night. Just a single greeting as he met you at his front door, and a question about what horror film you guys should watch. This was all so uncharacteristic of him, his usual loud, outgoing, albeit sometimes annoying demeanour being totally replaced by a quiet, stoic version of himself. A deep sense of discomfort filled you as a result, with a strong desire hidden underneath. Somehow you knew, this was him, not the loud obnoxious guy you knew from school, but this calculating, slightly cold man that was now sat next to you.

A shrill scream sounded from the television, some girl being close to her death probably, but you weren’t paying much attention anyway. You didn’t know if you wanted to climb on Stu’s lap, or confront him about everything.

“See, in real life she wouldn’t sound like that.” His voice was low, his eyes still glued to the screen. Your head snapped at him with the sound of his voice, a stark contrast to the otherwise silent room. You felt as if this was an invitation for you to prod further.

“Yeah?” Your voice barely above a whisper. “How would it be then?” You continued, as you looked up at the side of his face. The glow from the lamp was accentuating his features, the dip of his cheekbones, and the near black of his irises as he turned his head towards you.

“Well, for starters, she wouldn’t scream like that. She’d be too panicked to make any sound.” He said in a low voice as his eyes trailed down your face to your lips. “Then, when she realises what’s going to happen to her, then she’ll scream.” His hand was trailing up to grasp the side of your face bringing you closer to him. “She wouldn’t last long though. I would end her before she made too much noise.” He finished as his breath fanned your face. Your heart was about to beat out of your chest, the way he spoke as if he was the one doing everything send a thrill down your spine, unlike anything you had ever felt before. You couldn’t know for sure, but deep down you knew this was his way of confessing to you, his way of admitting everything without actually admitting to anything. The atmosphere was so charged with the tension of your attraction to him, and the weight of his words, that you could cut through it with a knife. So many different sensations bombarding you at once, that you wanted to straight up combust. You decided that it was now or never. Stu threw the bait, now it was time for you to take it. In a breathless voice you asked, “Did Casey scream?” The smirk on his face and the way his breath hitched told you everything you needed to know. “Yeah, she did.” he said before closing the gap and placing his lips on yours, giving you a slow passionate kiss that made your heart jump out of your chest. His other hand came up to hold the other side of your face, as his kiss deepened and his breath grew heavier. You were ecstatic. You got him to admit it to you. Only you. He was now forever yours. Surely, he was aware of what you were, otherwise he wouldn’t have opened up so easily. You didn’t want to think any of that now. The only thing you wanted to focus on was the feeling of his lips against yours, the touch of his hands on your face, the heat radiating off his body.

Suddenly, you felt yourself be pushed into the bed as his weight came to rest on top of yours. You immediately closed your leg around his waist and pulled him closer to your body. His one hand trailed underneath your shirt to wander against your scorching skin. His touch set your core ablaze, as you finally got to be in the place you wanted to be the most. Beneath Stu, making him feel good. His kisses and ministrations grew ever more passionate as he leaned backwards to take your shirt off you, before doing the same to his soft sweater and discarding it somewhere across his room. The glow of the yellow light coming from the lamp next to his bed combined with the soft street lights streaming in from the window, danced across the curves of the muscles of his toned torso and arms. He was even more beautiful like this. You imagined what he’d looked like with specs of someone’s blood on him, how it would glisten in the light, how you would make sure to meticulously clean it all off, before falling on your knees and sucking him off. You wanted to make him happy, you wanted to do whatever he asked of you. He was sick and deranged, he killed two people, and then gloated about the fact to everyone, without actually admitting to anything.

His head dipped to the side of your neck to suck and lick and nibble as you ran your hands through his short hair and tugged at it. Your heavy breaths drove him crazy, he wanted to devour every single inch of you, coax every sweet sound that he could out of you. His kisses trailed from your neck to your chest, his mouth peppering kisses across your breast, as his hand came up to squeeze the other. His lips wrapped around your nipple, his teeth nipping at it making you let out a long moan. His blue eyes, dark with lust stared at you from your chest, the sounds you were making were driving him insane. He continued trailing kisses down your stomach, before he reached the waistband of your jeans. He made quick work of them, pulling them off along with your underwear in one go. His hands grabbed both your knees and roughly spread your legs apart, his eyes looking down at your glistening pussy, a wide grin taking over his features. He glanced up in your eyes, to look at your fucked out expression. He hadn’t even done anything to you yet, and you were already a mess under him.

“You have no idea the things I wanna do to you baby.” He said breathlessly as he dipped his head between your legs, his mouth attacking your clit instantly. A scream escaped your throat, as your hand instantly shot down to grab his hair and pull him closer. His breath was heavy, and he let a low satisfactory hum at your reaction to his assault on your clit. His hands held your legs open as he licked and sucked on your clit like a man starved.

“Fuck baby you taste so good.” He mumbled in-between licks and prods before going back to the task at hand. He wanted to make you cum using his mouth, and then he would make you cum again around his cock. He had always known you weren’t like the rest of them, and all he wanted was to ruin you for him even more. Mold you and turn you into the perfect little thing to be by his side and use whenever he felt like it. And he had done it. He knew you had been aware that something was up with him, but he wanted to see how far you were willing to take your own curiosity in regards to his relation with the murders. He didn’t expect you to be as bold as you were, but it was a pleasant surprise nonetheless.

The more he licked around your clit, the sweeter sounds you made which drove him insane. The finger he decided to slowly push in you slipped inside so easily, that he almost creamed his underwear at the implication. You were so wet for him. He wondered how much of that was due to what he was doing and how much was due to the knowledge that he had killed people. He hoped it was both. His finger made quick work in finding your most sensitive spot before he added a second one. He curled his fingers in and out of you harshly as he sucked your clit so hard, you thought he was gonna rip it off. He was so unbelievably turned on, he wanted to fuck you and hurt you at the same time. The sensations of pleasure and pain ignited a fire within the pit of your belly that you made sure to voice to him.

“Stu I’m gonna cum. Please. Please, don’t stop!” You whined as you threw your head back, your leg twitching and spasming as his harsh movements made you cum right on his face and fingers. The groan he left as he felt your walls squeeze him tight was almost guttural. He couldn’t wait any longer, he wanted to have you now. He slowly pulled his fingers out of you, soaked through. He pulled them apart from each other, strings of your arousal connecting and breaking from between his two fingers.

His eyes marvelled at the sight of his drenched digits, your glistening pussy, your hard nipples, the heat coming off of your skin, and your fucked out expression. He shuffled closer to you, and leaned down again, brining his fingers to your mouth. You didn’t need instructions, you stared deep into your eyes as you grabbed at his wrist with both hands and sucked his fingers clean, your tongue running between his digits, a sly smirk adorning his face the whole time.

“Good girl.” He said as he leaned back, his massive erection tenting his underwear. He quickly kicked them off before grabbing your ankle and pulling you towards the edge of the bed, you ass almost hanging out of his as he towered above you. He looked so ethereal, the glow on his naked skin, the darkness in his eyes, the expression of pure determination to fuck you silly. You were in love.

He brought your legs to rest on his chest, he was too tall for them to rest on his shoulders anyway, and bent his head down to give your ankle a peck as he stared deep into your eyes before bending down and slowly pushing his cock inside. The stretch of his dick made you shudder out a breath as he bottomed out.

“Look at that baby. You swallowed me whole.” A tremble in his voice as he stared down at his pelvis flush against yours in awe. “I thought you’d need more time but you’re such a good girl you took it so easily huh?” He said as he started thrusting in and out of you, each pump of his hips becoming harder and faster. You couldn’t reply to him, all you could do was stare up at him, at the way he was fucking you like he had been craving to do that for ages. Which he did.

His cock was the perfect size and girth, brushing all the sweet spots inside you, the lewd sound of his hips snapping against the back of your thighs filling up the room, the sounds of the movie still playing in the background fading away as the sound of his breaths took over your senses. The grip on your legs tightened as his thrusts grew harder and harder. Your head was thrown back in ecstasy, you couldn’t think of anything else that could make you feel any better in this moment, but when the feeling of his thumb suddenly resting on your clit and starting to rub languid circles in time with his thrusts came to you, you let out a guttural moan. His breaths came out ragged, sweat accumulating on his forehead and chest as he thrust chasing his release.

You could feel the familiar tickle of an orgasm forming within your belly and you told him as such. He bit his lip at the sound of you coming close to climaxing, his ministrations on your clit becoming more erratic. You suddenly felt the cord of your release snap, cumming and clenching all around his dick.

“Oh fuck, oh shit.” He said through gritted teeth, as he felt your pussy convulse around him, he couldn’t describe this feeling as anything else less than euphoric. The feeling of your tight wet heat around him was enough to send him over the edge, and he now didn’t have a reason to hold back. He wrapped his arms around your thighs and thrust into you with whatever little strength was left in him before letting out a strained groan and shooting his load deep inside you.

He stayed inside you like that, your breaths and his coming out heavy. You looked so fucked out, pride filled his chest. He slowly pulled out of your pussy, his cum following suit dripping out of you in thick strings. He trailed his hand between your folds pushing any that leaked out back into you before giving your clit one last little stroke, the feeling making you clench around nothing. You were too sensitive, and too blissed out to worry about the implications of him cumming inside you. If you were being honest with yourself, you didn’t mind. You wanted to be as close and bound to him as possible, this was just another way to achieve that.

You weren’t moving other than your chest rising and falling as you breathed. Stu, probably for the first time in his life, found himself at a loss of words. You looked incredible like this and he wanted more, that much he knew. He pulled his underwear up before grabbing his discarded sweater and throwing it over your head and helping your arms through the sleeves. You unashamedly pulled the collar up to your nose and took a long sniff as you stared deep into his eyes, which made him let out a small chuckle. Cute, he thought.

You scooted back to lean your back against the headboard and cross your legs as Stu rounded the bed and sat down next to you. He broke the silence speaking in a whisper, “You know, most people would run away screaming if they knew the truth. But not you.” His fingers idly traced your thigh where his hand had come to rest. You were staring at him the entire time he spoke. You tentatively shuffled closer to him, your gaze never leaving Stu’s, a silent acknowledgment of the forbidden connection that bound you together. The room seemed to close in around you, and the outside world faded away leaving you two in the shadows.

Stu’s hand reached out, fingertips brushing against your cheek, a feather-light caress that sent a shiver through your entire being. The touch held a promise, an unspoken agreement that transcended the boundaries of reason. Your heart raced, torn between the thrill of the unknown and the magnetic pull of Stu. He knew he didn’t have to say anything more. You knew, and you revelled in it. You revelled in the fact that you were right about him, about who- what he was, what he’d done.

“You’re different.” Stu murmured, his voice a seductive melody against your ears. He had you within his grasp now, and he wouldn’t let you go. “Most people fear what they don’t understand, but not you. You revel in it.” He concluded. His thumb slowly rubbed circles around your cheek as he rubbed your face.

In that charged moment, with the post sex bliss setting in, the unspoken tension crackled like electricity. The room suddenly became the sanctuary of your shared secrets, his, the things he did, and yours, the fact that you loved him all the more for it, a haven for those who dared to dance on the precipice of chaos and desire.

It was a sick and twisted thing, for so many reasons, but your infatuation with him was nothing less than love, you knew that within you. You were willing to do just as much if not worse than him if he asked for it. You were his in any way that he’d have you, and even though you didn’t know, Stu was yours just as much. He would give himself to you in a way that no one else would ever have. He didn’t believe in the concept of soulmates or even love for that matter, but he knew he would do horrible things if it meant making you happy. He couldn’t wait to see how you’d stick by his side, see you actively participate in what he did, but he was excited to find out.

In this moment, you, aware of the risks, couldn’t deny the magnetic pull that drew you closer to him, willingly surrendering to the allure of the abyss. You leaned your head against his chest. You were drawn to him like a moth to flame, you knew it, but you didn’t care, even if it meant you’d burn.

#scream (film)#stu marcher x reader #Stu marcher/reader #Stu marcher #fanfiction #ghostface x reader #ghostface #Stu matcher x reader

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siriuslysatorusimping · 8 days

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I Say "Sayonara" (Another Level - Installment 6)

Summary:

“I love you, my darling." Her mother hummed quietly. "You’ve been my favorite person since the very first time I saw you.” Tears were falling again, and she squeezed her arms around her mother’s waist tighter. She was too calm for someone who was dying. “Mom,” Rinko whispered, her throat tightening. “Please don’t go. I don’t know what I’ll do without you.” “You’ll be just fine, sweetheart,” she replied, cupping her cheeks and pulling her up to stare into her eyes. The light green reflecting endlessly like a mirror. “You are going to be just fine.” Her smile was warm, loving, even as her eyes were dimming with each breath. “And I’m not leaving just yet.” Liar.

AN: This is still one of my favorites, even though it breaks my heart. Yuzuki is best mom. It's also time to meet Rinko's old man 👀👀

Prev - Seeing Double | Another Level Masterlist | Kiko's Masterlist

I Say "Sayonara" 2011

She felt numb, sitting in the front of the temple, staring at the picture of her mother smiling back at her.

The only person in the world who had always been there. Loved her through everything. Taken how weird she was as a child with every other hardship and shouldered them with a damn smile. A woman with more kindness and love than the world deserved to take from.

Gone.

To never give her a calm, loving smile after a long day. To never give her a gentle kiss on the cheek as she placed a cup of tea in front of her, calling Rinko her precious gem.

No, she didn’t feel numb. She felt empty.

Unable to cry anymore, she’d spent all her tears already when she sat at her mother’s bedside as the woman breathed her last.

When she’d received the call from the hospital, Rinko had turned to Gojo immediately, begging him to warp her to the train station. Offering no explanation and refusing his offer to go with her, she had fought the tears as he pressed his hands together, confusion clear on his face.

She’d gotten to the hospital a few hours later, rushing in to see her mother sitting up calmly in her bed. The smile she’d given her had been deceptive, as if Rinko hadn’t received a call just hours earlier informing her that her mother likely didn’t have long left to live.

Another two days sitting at her bedside, the stubborn woman smiling almost the entire time as Rinko fought the tears in her throat that threatened to strangle her.

The doctors said that her body was shutting down; that they couldn’t give a definitive timeline, but the longest she had was just under a week, and the shortest was just a few hours. By the time they’d called, they said one of her kidneys had shut down, and her liver was well on its way.

With each passing moment, another piece of her mother left her behind.

After three days of sitting with her, watching parts of her stop functioning, her mother gave Rinko a bright smile and grasped her hands in her own.

“Don’t cry, darling,” she whispered, wiping the tears from Rinko’s cheeks. “I’m okay.”

She wasn’t. She was frail and sickly and so, so fragile.

A grossly common cause of death, overexertion. She’d worked so hard when Rinko was young that she’d made herself sick beyond recovery. The hard years caught up too soon.

Rinko had been prepared to protect her mother from curse users looking to make a quick buck, but there was nothing she could do against this. She couldn’t protect her against this.

“Tell me more about what you’ve been up to,” her mother insisted, patting the spot next to her on her bed. “I want to hear about your friends. How is Hime? I haven’t seen her in so long. And what about Ieiri? She was always so sweet.”

Her mother had adored Utahime and Shoko from the moment she’d met both of them. Shoko’s calming presence something that had served to help level Rinko’s chaos. After meeting during their first year, she and Shoko had spent quite a few holidays visiting each others’ houses, Utahime tagging along when she wasn’t working after she’d graduated.

The excitement her mother had felt when she learned Rinko had friends who understood her had resulted in a blinding smile that she would never forget. The shine of her eyes as she introduced herself to them, gushing over how pretty they were.

They were memories that made Rinko’s heart clench.

“Shoko is good,” Rinko replied quietly, smiling when she remembered how Shoko lecturing her was as common as ever. “Hime too. They ask about you a lot.”

The bright smile was back, the corners of her eyes crinkling as she nodded.

“What about your new friends, the ones you’ve made recently?”

There wasn’t too much she could tell her mother about her new friends. She and Gojo had grown close, close enough that she considered him a good friend. But she wouldn’t admit that to him.

Aside from their most recent training sessions, she saw him maybe once a month. Each time, he would grin at her smugly, finding new ways to convince her to stay in his bed when she had nowhere else to be.

But she couldn’t, she wouldn’t, tell her mother about her ‘unconventional’ friendship with Gojo Satoru.

Not the typical friendship, he would always say as he grinned, pressing a gentle kiss to her temple or forehead. Such a contrast to how he would spend the next few hours taking her apart in every way he could.

Nanami was safe though, she supposed-

“I know that look,” her mother hummed, a knowing smile on her face. “You met a boy-”

“Mom!” she’d groaned, giving in and plopping down onto the bed next to her. Letting her wrap her arms around her and kiss her forehead for what Rinko couldn’t help but dread was the last time. “Please, spare me. Don’t let that be one of our last conversations. And I’m a grown woman, if I’d met a boy you should probably be worried.”

“A man, then,” she mused, chuckling at Rinko’s sound of protest. “Tell me about him, darling.”

“There’s nothing to tell,” Rinko mumbled, burrowing into her mother’s embrace. She smelled almost sterile, with all the medicines she was taking now. But there was still the faint scent of fresh linen and red bean paste she knew and loved. “I- I’ve been training harder lately. I already told you that I got the call about passing the probationary period. The person I’ve been shadowing, Nanami, he’s great. He’s strong, a bit uptight. But I knew that before this. Met him a couple of times during school-”

“Hmm?” her mother was smirking now, but Rinko just rolled her eyes.

“Not what you think, mom,” she replied to her mother’s unspoken question. “Nanami isn’t like that at all. He’s all business.”

“And the friend who recommended you for Grade 1?” her mother pressed, her eyes lighting up in triumph when Rinko hesitated. “It’s him-”

“No, mom,” she said, exasperated by her mother’s childish giggle. “Gojo isn’t- he’s a friend. And mom, please believe me when I tell you he’s not someone you would ever want me with.”

He was deranged. But he was proving at every chance he could that he did know how to be a good friend. His honesty was something she hadn’t expected from him, but she appreciated it.

“Gojo,” her mother hummed, her thoughts moving so quickly Rinko could practically hear the gears in her head turning. “He’s the one who almost-”

And there it was, the connection Rinko had been hoping she wouldn’t make.

“When you were in school!” she exclaimed excitedly. Rinko was regretting how open she’d been with her mother over the years. “The one you fought, who you almost beat in a fight-”

“That’s exaggerating,” Rinko snorted, tapping her mother’s arm. “He basically wiped the floor with my limp body, mom.”

“But it was him,” she said, eyes still shining. She was way too happy to hear that her daughter was now friends with someone she was well aware almost killed her as a teenager. “Oh, I remember you saying he was handsome-”

“I most certainly did not!” she gasped, scandalized. The energy her mother displayed made it impossible to be upset, and she couldn’t help but play along. “Mom!”

Her mother laughed now; a real, full laugh that had Rinko grinning with her even as her heart clenched painfully in her chest.

Don’t let this be the last time I hear that sound.

“You like him.”

It was stated once the laughter died out, her mother’s face serious as she searched her eyes.

“I-” Rinko shrugged her shoulders. “He’s okay. He’s become a good friend, surprisingly. But even if I were interested, he doesn’t do that kind of thing. Relationships, dating… He- we’re- we’re friends. He’s a better friend than I expected.”

“You seem happy,” her mother said gently, her smile contagious. “And that’s all I want for you, darling. I just want you to be happy. So whatever that may be, I’m happy for you.”

“I’m gonna be a Grade 1,” Rinko whispered, finally saying it out loud. “Thanks to him. I would never have been able to get this far if he hadn’t pushed for it. That old bastard wouldn’t have let it happen otherwise.”

“Seems like a good friend to have, then,” her mother mused, her hand now stroking Rinko’s hair. “Just be happy, sweetheart. And remember that no matter what, you’ll always be my little girl. My most precious gem.”

“I love you, mom.” It was whispered, barely escaping around the lump in her throat.

“I love you, too, my darling,” she hummed. “You’ve been my favorite person since the very first time I saw you. Even though you’d just given me the worst pain of my life, ripping me open-”

“Too much information!” she cried in disgust, still snuggling closer. “Please, spare me the gory details, Mom. I know, I know, I’m the most painful blessing you’ve ever had.”

“Most beautiful, wonderful blessing,” she murmured. “My biggest joy in life has been seeing you smile. Knowing that you are the incredible woman you are today. I’m so, so proud of you.”

Tears were falling again, and she squeezed her arms around her mother’s waist tighter. She was too calm for someone who was dying.

“Mom,” she whispered, her throat tightening further. “Please don’t go. I don’t know what I’ll do without you.”

“You’ll be just fine, sweetheart,” she replied, cupping her cheeks and pulling her up to stare into her eyes. The light green reflecting endlessly like a mirror. “You are going to be just fine.” Her smile was warm, loving, even as her eyes were dimming with each breath. “And I’m not leaving just yet.”

Liar.

Before Rinko could say anything else, she hugged her tight. Her voice was soft as she hummed the same mindless tune she had whenever Rinko would run into her room in the middle of the night, crying because of a nightmare.

Not an hour later, she heard her mother take a deep breath into her lungs, before releasing it along with what felt like part of Rinko’s soul.

Feeling hollow, Rinko moved from the bed to inform the nurses before pressing a kiss to her mother’s forehead. She’d watched as they moved her out of the room, and then wept in the empty void left behind until the sun had gone down and come back up.

The hollow ache in her chest still wouldn’t leave.

Mourners came and went; each of them giving their condolences, telling her their favorite memories.

Yuzuki Kurisaki had been a special woman.

So many people came to pay respects and wish Rinko the very best. Offering to help with anything she needed.

But they couldn’t give her what she really needed.

They couldn’t give her more time.

They couldn’t bring her back.

Hime had offered to sit with her, to stay. But she’d assured her she would be fine, knowing that her friend needed to work. But she appreciated the offer. More than she could ever tell her.

The last of the visitors thinned out, leaving her alone as she stared at the loving smile for one last time.

A shadow appeared above of her, and she looked up to see her father standing there proudly, hands clasped behind his back.

The first time she’d seen him in years, his somber expression guarded as he took a seat next to her.

“A real honor when Zenin Naobito himself takes a trip,” she heard herself say sarcastically, feeling fury rising in her chest at the sight of the man. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you’re here.”

The Head of the Zenin clan was rarely seen sober, a fact she had confirmed herself the few times she’d interacted with him. But now, she smelled no alcohol on him, his eyes clear and sharp.

“Come to make sure she’s dead?” she asked, clenching her jaw to keep from screaming at him. “Make sure your fucking hit on the ‘no-good whore’ you fucked twenty three years ago was carried out? I hope you already paid those fucks, because they were too fucking late-”

“She was a good woman,” he stated, his voice calm. “Raised an even stronger one, too.”

Compliments from him felt empty. Her eyes narrowed coldly now, his lies tasting bitter in the warm summer air. One of the only other times she’d spoken to him had ended in an argument, a fight, and a threat. If she dared to speak out against them, against him, her mother would suffer.

At least he didn’t have that leverage anymore.

“I was a much younger fool when I said those words about her.” Liar. It was how they’d worded the fucking hit. He continued, his head lowering slightly, “I came to pay my respects-”

“Bullshit,” she spat under her breath, feeling his eyes on her face now. Calculating, narrow eyes that resembled her own so much it made her sick. “You’re here to make sure she’s dead. Too bad, I guess, right? That you didn’t get to be the one to finish the job like you said you would? Had to hire someone else to do your dirty work? Hiding behind your fucking false sense of superiority and pretending you aren’t an evil, heartless, bastard.”

“I hear you’ll be testing for Grade 1 soon,” he suddenly said, changing the subject and she barked out a loud, humorless laugh. “Not surprising you’ve made it this far, but-”

“I should have known,” she said bitterly, her voice straining. “You show up to her funeral to interrogate me about the Grade 1 exam. I should have fucking known.” Pausing, she clenched her jaw angrily. “I’ll get Grade 1, despite everything you’ve done to try to prevent it. And then I’m coming for Special Grade 1. And after that? I’ll show you just how powerless and pathetic and worthless your stupid clan truly is.”

She turned to look him in the eye now, already expecting the void, emotionless expression on his face as he assessed her. Over his shoulder, she saw Naoya standing in the distance. His expression was bored as he looked around, until he met her eyes, a smirk overtaking his face as he waved smugly.

Her fists clenched, the desire to beat him to death surging through her. The last time she’d seen her half-brother in person had been the same day she’d last seen her father, when she was sixteen. The only time she’d been to the Zenin estate, she’d found herself in an argument with the fifteen-year-old that quickly turned into a brawl.

He’d won convincingly, and she’d barely survived. In his young age, even in his limited knowledge of their father’s technique that he’d inherited, he’d almost killed her. Her father has assured her if anything like that ever happened again, he’d make sure her mother paid for it. He made sure to let her know that she was never to speak a word to anyone about them, made it clear that she was a mistake.

Yoshinobu had ushered her off the premises, followed by the taunts of Naoya saying he’d kill her properly next time. The scar just under her ribs served as a fun reminder of how close he’d been to stabbing her through the heart.

“I’ll not let words said while in mourning effect your standing,” Naobito stated coldly. “But remember, Kurisaki, that your status in our world is dependent on your affiliation with us. So I would advise you to be careful how you carry yourself moving forward, Grade 1 or not. Gojo Satoru may have offered a recommendation, but that alone isn’t enough to justify your presence.”

“Fuck. You,” she hissed, feeling her eyes burn with hatred as he stood slowly. “It should have been you.”

“My condolences,” he said, a small smirk on his face as he turned away. “A real shame.”

As he walked away, she forced herself to take a deep breath, trying to remain calm. She wouldn’t disrespect her mother by trying to kill her father and his spawn at her funeral.

Willing the tears away now, she let her head fall into her hands, wiping her eyes angrily. Focusing instead on her breathing, she squeezed her eyes shut.

Sometime later, she felt someone take a seat next to her silently, the familiar presence causing a heavy sigh to escape her lips.

“How did you know where to find me?” she asked quietly, not raising her head. “I asked Yoshinobu to keep it quiet-”

“Shoko told me.” Gojo’s voice was quiet, matching hers, left hand resting on the back of her chair. “You weren’t answering your phone. Even Nanamin was getting worried.”

Since she’d rushed home a week prior, she had shut everything off, avoiding all messages and calls that weren’t urgent.

“Didn’t feel like socializing,” she mumbled into her hands.

He hummed his acknowledgment; she willfully ignored how her body relaxed when he placed his hand on the small of her back, thumb rubbing small circles.

The silence stretched between them, her deep breaths the only sound in the room.

“I gotta admit,” Gojo murmured after a while, a quiet chuckle falling from his lips. “I did not expect to find out who your old man was when I decided to come check on you. I knew he had to be pretty high up in the clan; but fuck I didn’t expect to see Naobito all the way out here. No wonder you wouldn’t tell me who it was.”

She let out a muted groan as he spoke, dread filling her at his words.

“How much did you hear?”

“Enough to confirm what I already knew about him anyway,” he replied easily, his hand switching to rubbing up the length of her back when he felt her tense. “Bad form, even for him, to show up here just to talk to you about the exam.”

Finally sitting up, she gave the photo of her mother another glance for strength before she turned to face Gojo.

“That wasn’t the only reason he was here,” she muttered, seeing that he had opted to wear his sunglasses instead of the blindfold. His black dress shirt and pants fit him perfectly, making him look more like a model than a jujutsu sorcerer. His right leg was bent, ankle resting against the top of his left knee as he stared at her. “He was here because he wanted to make sure she was dead.”

He waited for her to continue, his eyes narrowing above his shades as she spoke.

“Mei found the hit a few months ago,” Rinko continued, facing forward again. “Yoshinobu asked her to keep an ear to the ground for my mother’s name after my recommendation went through.” Letting out a bitter laugh that stuck in her throat halfway out, she forced herself to breathe. “But joke’s on them because she was already fucking dying.”

Her voice broke on the last word, feeling anger coursing through her again as she remembered the smug look on Naoya’s face.

“They came to make sure it was real, to make sure I wasn’t trying to pull something over on them to protect her. Bastards.”

“What else did they do?” Gojo asked, his voice low, dangerous, as she shook her head. “Rinko, tell me.”

She fought the shiver at how cold his voice sounded as he spoke, his order making her tense further.

“The hit on me was canceled within a day,” she said quietly, refusing to meet his eyes. “They realized there were too many eyes on me for them to pull it off-”

“They did what?” his question came out as a hiss, turning his head in the direction they both knew her father had gone.

She understood his anger. It was a blatant act of disrespect to refuse to acknowledge someone he recommended. Both as a Special Grade and as the Head of the Gojo Clan.

He’d likely have been insulted and pissed even had they not grown closer. But now, she could feel his fury pouring out of him. Peaking a look from the corner of her eye, she saw his eyes bright with anger as he pushed himself to his feet.

“Not worth it,” she said flatly, not recognizing her own voice. Her hand had shot out and grasped his arm as he stood. “You’ll just get yourself in trouble. If you go after them now, they’ll just find a way to use it to undermine you.”

Clenching his jaw, he sat back down, his hand returning to the spot on the small of her back.

“Not like you could prove they put the hit out. They’d also have questions as to how the fuck you even know about me, can’t exactly say you’ve seen my records.”

His eyes snapped to her face, narrowing again.

“That’s why you wouldn’t tell me,” he said, watching her grimace. “What’d they tell you?”

When she only shrugged, he growled quietly, leaning forward so he could whisper in her ear.

“What did they tell you?” His voice was still just a hiss. He moved his hand slowly up until it was at the back of her neck, forcing her to look him in the eye. “They threatened you.”

“Of course they did,” she mumbled, trying to pull away. “Why wouldn’t they?”

“You don’t need to be afraid of them.”

She couldn’t fight the scoff she released, rolling her eyes.

“I’m not afraid of them-”

“Rinko-”

“They threatened her,” she hissed, feeling irritation rising. She didn’t want to fight with him, but she knew she would if he kept pressing the subject. “I can take care of myself now. They tried to use her as leverage. Said they’d- said she’d suffer if I pissed them off. But she’s gone now- and I’m not afraid of them hurting me.”

Her voice shook as she spoke, that hollow void in her chest growing wider and wider with each breath. Every few moments, it was like reality settled anew and reminded her that her mother was gone.

Gojo rested his forehead against hers now, his eyes softening as he watched hers crumple in anguish.

“It’s going to be okay.” It felt like an empty promise, but she still nodded anyway. He seemed to be able to tell because his grip on her neck tightened and he stared into her eyes intently. “Rinko, you’re going to be okay.”

He pressed a kiss to her forehead before he reclined in his chair again. His hand stayed at the back of her neck, stroking it lazily as they fell back into silence together.

Finally, he jutted his chin towards the photo of her mother.

“You look like her,” he said simply, something resembling affection in his voice as he turned back to her. “You have her eyes.”

Blinking rapidly to fight the tears again, she wondered if he’d somehow heard her thoughts earlier. How much she hated resembling the Zenin’s eyes.

“Green,” he clarified, smiling gently. “Your smile too. Though, I really only have your bratty smirk when you’re being a menace to compare it to-”

His teasing pulled a small, breathless laugh from her lungs for the first time since she’d felt her mother’s chest fall for the last time.

It was like the laugh broke something within her, and his face scrunched as he seemed to sense the change in her.

“I’m sorry, Rinko,” he whispered, watching the tears jump back to her eyes and fall before she could think to stop them. “I’m so sorry.”

The sob broke out, ripping her throat as she let him pull her into his lap, arms wrapping around her. Feeling his tight embrace only made her cry harder, the tears refusing to stop now that she’d let them free again.

He said nothing, just hugged her close, gently stroking her hair as she let the heartwrenching sobs shake through her.

“I’m going to become a Grade 1,” she whispered finally, her voice rough. Her throat was dry and sore from her sobs. “And I’m going to prove to those stupid fucking assholes why they’re wrong to think I’m less because of her. I’m going to show them how much stronger I am thanks to her.”

“You’re god damn right you are,” he growled in her ear, pulling back to wipe the remaining tears from her cheeks gently. “You deserve that Grade 1.”

“Don’t suppose you know anything about it?” she nudged hopefully. “Nanami just mentioned it’ll be a stronger than-average Grade 1-”

“After your stunt today, sweetheart,” Gojo said quietly. “I have a feeling it’ll be a Special Grade.”

“Funny,” she whispered back, a wry smile on her lips. “I was thinking the same thing.”

#gojo satoru x original female character #gojo satoru fanfic #another level #gojo fanfic #gojo satoru #jujutsu gojo #gojo x reader #rinko and yuzuki

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mewo-cressei · 6 months

Text

Welp, I dug my own grave, I suppose.

@julieisasimp @the-arcade-doctor @a-moths-privacy

uhhh idk who else to tag

Note's:

Y/N is a freak. Think what you will.

and stutters, but not in a "i-i-i-im so sorry! I-i-i-i-it won't happen again!" type of way but more of a "i-im sorry! It w-wont happen again!" Type of way.

JOTA is more flirtatious. NOT IN A "you're so cute i could eat you up" type of way but more like "you're mine. Got it?~" type of way (I'M SORRY IM UNSURE HOW TO WRITE HIM I'VE NEVER WRITTEN BEFORE WAAAA-)

(Also this is very suggestive 😳)

The arcade doctor x abused run away reader

TW's: abusive parents, running away from home

Your mother had yelled at you, once again.

She never heard what you had to say, never even turned her head when you told her that your brother snuck out again.

she always favored him over you, making you clean dishes, cook dinner and have the highest grades.

Even if you got a mere A- she'd yell at you. Yet, your brother, who never got a grade above C-, never got punished in his life.

So, you decided to run away.

You've been planning this for weeks.

Your plan was to leave to go "hang out with friends" because she'd let you if you did everything she asked you to, on top of getting an A+ on every assignment you had that week.

You only took your water bottle and phone, seeing as she would yell at you if she noticed your backpack looked "stuffed full of condoms/alcohol/cigarettes". you never understood her logic.

You approach the exit, before telling her:

"mom! I'm gonna go hang out with my friends!"

You then hear your chainsmoker-mother's hoarse voice yell back:

"you actually have friends?!"

She laughed.

"Alright, fine, but only today. No more going out for the rest of the month, got it?! And be back BEFORE 5."

But you knew you wouldn't be back. You yell back, making sure not to be too loud, as she'd take it as 'disrespectful':

"alright, bye, mom"

And then you leave.

And you ran. And ran. You ran for so long, you had no idea where you were. Your mom never let you go so far away from the house, and yet...

This place felt more like home than anywhere else.

And then...

You fell... Through the ground?

This can't be right, can it?

You felt... Pixel-y? Glitchy? You felt... Unnatural.

EVERYTHING felt unnatural.

...and then you saw.. violet skies?

'What is this place?'

You thought to yourself.

Then, the violet ended.

You saw many places flash before your eyes, as well as your life, you saw a pumpkin patch, a graveyard, a circus tent, (continue) ... and then everything got so blurry you couldn't even make out colors.

you felt like you were falling for eternity, and then..

you fell right onto your back.

Your entire body had no sensation for a few moments, possibly from the adrenaline rush, and when you did get it back, everything hurt.

It was dull, not sharp at all, But it hurt like hell.

Your mind was foggy from all of the pain.

But you could conjure up one thought as you were recovering:

'Good thing I'm used to it, since I was beat by my mother. At least that's an up side.'

You knew it wasn't a good thing at all, but you had to view things in a positive light, considering your circumstances.

You didn't know how you were still even alive, but thanked whatever deity or guardian angel saved you.

After what felt like hours, the pain was finally gone.

You tried to get up, and it worked! You once again thanked whatever deity or guardian angel saved you from breaking all your bones.

Your entire body hurt though.

It was less then before, but it still lingered.

You then looked around, and to your right you saw...

'An... Arcade? Here?!'

You thought to yourself, not believing you eyes, rubbing them.

You read the sign above the door...

'JOTAS ARCADE where fun spreads like the plague'

'...what a strange name for someone...'

You thought

'Surely it's just a mascot, and isn't real... right?'

The slogan seemed fitting, though, seeing as the mascot looks like a plague doctor.

You decide to come inside...

The first thing you notice is....

Everything is an eye-gouging neon green. Your head hurt from it.

You close your eyes in a desperate attempt to stop the pain, putting your hands over them.

You then hear a voice..

"[ J:\\ WELCOME TO JOTA'S ARCADE, WHERE FUN SPREADS LIKE THE PLAGUE! ...CAN I HELP YOU? ]"

You're surprised that there's anyone even here, from the glimpses you could catch of the place, it looked run down, wires hanging from the ceiling, something goo-like on the walls, arcade cabinets with no buttons...

"[ J:\\ EXCUSE ME? ARE YOU JUST GONNA STAND THERE? ]

you then reply with:

"J-just give me a second.. my head hurts..."

You make sure the last part is silent, stumbling over your words a little from the confusion.

You then notice you've finally acclimated to the neon greens of the arcade, realizing only after opening your eyes and not feeling any pain.

You take away your hands from your eyes, looking around, noticing the voice you had heard came from a plague doctor behind the prize counter, he looked just like who you had seen on the sign, assuming that was 'JOTA'

He was a green so neon, he was almost glowing... Wait, was he?

'...it could be weirder. at least I'm okay...'

You think, thankful you're even alive.

You see the plague doctor was now speaking to a hooded figure...

You decide to not think about that, and investigate the arcade cabinet which you had seen, walking over to it.

'surely I'm just seeing things, right?'

You think to yourself.

After You had come over to the arcade cabinet, you then see your eyes hadn't deceived you, it really had no buttons.

'thats... Why would an arcade not have any buttons? How would you even play...'

You cut yourself off, trying to stop yourself from panicking.

'...this isn't the weirdest thing I had seen, it could be worse.'

You look back, seeing the plague doctor was still speaking to the hooded figure, you now notice that the figure had eyes nearly glowing green, though, you wouldn't be surprised if they really did.

and then, you finally noticed.. the plague doctor.. his right arm seemed... Off.

It was.. corrupted? You just decided to ignore it, this was already more abnormal than you'd like it to be, so it's probably better to just ignore it.

You decided to walk around, look for any sign of someone else who understood what's happening..

yet all you found were corpses.

Your mom had forced you to witness horrible things in movies, so you were mostly unbothered.

But still afraid of the idea of someone being able to hurt you.

After you had seen that nobody, well, living was here, except for that hooded figure and the plague doctor, you decide to ask one of them.

You look back, noticing the hooded figure walk away.

You decide to ask the plague doctor what was happening.

'his name was JOTA, right?'

You were quite forgetful, so you weren't sure of yourself.

You walked over to the prize counter, repeating what you going to say over and over in your head, not wanting to mess up.

Once you get there, you had finally conjured up the courage to speak.

"u-um excuse me, your n-name is 'JOTA' right?"

"[ J:\\ THE ONE AND ONLY! ]"

"I uhm.. w-where exactly a-am I? I-I mean I know I'm in your arcade! I'm just... Lost.."

"[ J:\\ LOST? SO, YOU MEAN TO SAY YOU GOT HERE ON ACCIDENT? ]"

"Y-yes.."

"[ J:\\ WELL, YOU'RE OUT OF LUCK. ]"

"w-..what?!"

"[ J:\\ THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO, KID! I'D RECOMMEND GETTING USED TO SEEING GREEN! ]"

You sigh, and start walking away, thinking.

'at least it's better than before..'

"[ J:\\ HOLD ON. ]"

you stop dead in your tracks, turning around, and walking back to the prize counter.

"[ J:\\ HOW ABOUT A DEAL? YOU HELP ME AROUND THE ARCADE, AND I KEEP YOU ALIVE. ]"

He reaches out his right hand, seemingly grinning, though you couldn't tell if he was actually grinning, because of the mask, you could hear it in his voice.

"[ J:\\ WHAT DO YOU SAY, KID? ]"

You hesitate, knowing you might be making a bad decision, but you've seen the corpses, and have no other choices.

You shake his hand.

"d-deal.."

You say, hesitantly.

"[ J:\\ JEHEHE! ANOTHER ONE TO THE SLAUGHTER~ ]"

You shudder. It was frightening, but the way he said that last part made you a little giddy.

He let's go, you immediately retract your hand.

"[ J:\\ SO, WHAT'S YOUR NAME? ]"

"m-my name is Y/N.."

"[ J:\\ WHAT A GREAT NAME FOR MY NEW LITTLE PUPPET~ ]"

You blushed.

He left the prize counter, walking over to you... But he didn't stop once he was in front of you. You walked backwards, him backing you into a wall. He pinned you against it.

You were afraid, but very flustered.

"[ J:\\ WELL, AREN'T YOU CUTE FOR A TOY~ ]"

He said, cupping your chin with his clawed hand, inspecting his new doll.

He then let go, running his claws against your neck roughly. It hadn't drawn blood, it just hurt. but.. it felt good. It made you let out a breathy sigh.

"[ J:\\ JEHE~ SUCH A SUBMISSIVE LITTLE PLAYTHING~ ]"

He said, a flirtatious lace in his voice.

[ J:\\ NOW, HOW ABOUT WE RAISE THE STAKES A BIT, DEAR?~ YOU COULD EITHER PUT ON A "SHOW" FOR ME HERE AND NOW, OOOR YOU COME BACK TO MY OFFICE, AT THE COST OF YOU WALKING PROPERLY FOR A FEW WEEKS~ ]

He said, making sure you heard the last part.

You were sure that you would've blushed harder by now, if you could.

"I-I uh pick the latter"

You said, unable to stop yourself from saying that.

"[ J:\\ GOOD~ ]"

He said, before picking you up and carrying you to his office. You were a flustered mess.

Once you two were in his office, he set you down onto his desk, putting his hands on either side of you, pinning you against it.

Then... I'll leave it up to your imagination -v•

(basically, I CANT WRITE EROTICA YOU DO IT)

#tw abuse #tw abusive parents #tw running away #tw corpse mention #tw death mention #suggestive #the fic i promised #i can't write. sorry :[

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erose-this-name · 5 days

Note

I saw you are working on a grimdark apocalypse and as a fan of both Warhammer and fallout I would like to hear about your story but with one caveat:

You also have to answer if mothman exists in that universe

But also please tell me I wanna learn about the story

I mean, there isn't a mothman, but then again I do really like stealing being inspired by things and putting them in there. And like, I AM GOD, so I could just do that. Right now.

I mean, can't be like a magical cryptid mothguy since this is a hard scifi setting. So how can I gnaw off the sharp corners to make this square peg fit into a round hole?

What are the fundamental qualities of mothman? Large humanoid moth, portends of doom, west virginians, sexy, glowing red eyes, easily confused for a large heron.

There are no six foot tall insects in my setting because there isn't enough oxygen for them to breathe without lungs. But there are flesh-filled biohybrid robots with plastic exoskeletons, which is kinda like a bug. If you think about it.

Since it's a robot with both flesh and mechanical components, we don't even need to worry about bioluminescence or if it's possible to see out of eyes that are glowing. It could straight up just have actual red tinted flood lamps on it's head for that iconic mothman glowing eyes look.

The internet says that a average man would need a wingspan of 6.7m (22ft) to fly, though some sources can go up to 80 feet or some shit. But the mothman could probably be a lot less dense than a human so wouldn't need wings quite that big. But also that's probably based on bird or plane wings, not insect wings. As we all know bees cannot fly by any known laws of aviation, because they fly by different laws considering that they are not aircraft. I don't know what those laws are, though. So this is the kind of problem we biologists like to call "as a biophysicist" problems. I'm not on good terms with any of them. So let's just say our mothman has completely mysterious and indeterminately sized wings.

So, some West Virginians ~400,000 years ago (the story is set ~400,000 years after whichever of the many imminent apocalypses befalls us) got access to some cool hyperintelligent artificial intelligence with the ability to create life (such AI may or may not be related to said apocalypse that befell us). And they used it to make a cool mothman robot thing. For the obvious reason why West Virginians would do that. It's designed to perform and improvise on it's own maintenance to safe costs, because West Virginia.

Oh, no! It got out of it's enclosure in the Pleasant Point petting zoo! Because someone let it out! Who would do such a thing??!!

So it's been spending the apocalypse hanging around bridges and staring at people ominously in the fog while tour-guide infodumping about 21st century cryptozoology in dead languages no one understands. Doesn't try to kill anyone though, since it's designed to be an entertainment animatronic, which is more than what can be said for the vast majority of monsters in the setting. But that's also why it's survived for so long, doesn't like confrontation. Just flies away mysteriously. It eats nuts and berries or something.

yeah, this is canon now.

I got some other posts about my setting under the #The Diluvian War tag if you're interested

#the diluvian war #writeblr #writing #world building #mothman #asks

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tabsters · 2 months

Text

SOMEONE LIKE ME (CHAP. 16) - A STARGLASS ZODIAC X ZODIAC EXPERIMENT CROSSOVER

currently camping rn, so this is a prescheduled post :DDD

(EDIT: i in fact did not get to go camping :(( but the post was still prescheduled)

previous chapter is here

next chapter is here

masterpost is here

tagging @mythicalmagical-monkeyman @hyperfixation-tangentopia @maiawhimsicalt and @sweet-star-cookie

"My king!" Lacerta shouted, giving Scorpio an exaggerated bow as the duo approached the throne. "I come bearing a lost child!"

"Don't shout!" Scorpio shouted back, taking his legs off the armrests of his throne. "Lost child? Who?"

Lacerta patted the top of Cassie's head. "This child!"

Scorpio leaned forward, squinting. "Oh! Isn't this the kid that's under my sister's care?"

"Yes, the human girl?" Cancer asked Lacerta as the two of them approached the throne. "Cassie, wasn't it?"

Cassie nodded. "Me and Gemini were exploring your kingdom but we got separated. I thought the best course of action would be to get to your palace and wait for her here, since the two of you are close?"

"You thought right," Scorpio said with a small smile. "You're more than welcome to stay here until my sister arrives. Lacerta!" He shouted, and Lacerta snapped to attention. "Contact my sister. Tell her that her guest is under my care."

Lacerta gave his king a playful salute. "Yessir!"

Scorpio and Cancer turned to look at Cassie.

"Well, Cassie," Scorpio said, and it was then Cassie realized what he and Cancer were actually doing—playing chess. "Care to join me in a game?"

"Oh, no thank you." Cassie shook her head. "I tried learning, but I never really picked up chess."

"That's alright," Cancer said, picking up the chess pieces and moving them to their correct positions. "Perhaps you're better off not playing against Scorpio—my son is quite the strategist."

Scorpio chuckled, raising one of his hands. A white pawn scooted forward two spaces, seemingly by itself. Cassie looked closer, and saw that both the pawn and the area around Scorpio's hand were glowing a faint purple.

"Telekinesis," Scorpio said, noticing Cassie's stares. Both his hand and the pawn stopped glowing, and Scorpio nodded towards his father. "Your turn."

Cancer squinted, scrutinizing the board, before moving his pawn.

"Chess is a game of strategy," Scorpio said to Cassie, manipulating another piece. "You must always look ten steps ahead. Always be ten steps ahead."

Cassie nodded hesitantly, as more and more pieces flew across the board. Every time Scorpio made a move, he hesitated, observing the entire board. Cancer was a bit more reckless, more sure of himself.

And apparently this tactic worked in Cancer's favor, as the white pieces on the board began to dwindle, the black pieces beginning to advance towards Scorpio's side. Cancer smirked, confident in his abilities. Scorpio only smiled back knowingly.

"Sometimes it may seem like you are backed into a corner," Scorpio said, his hand hovering over a piece. "And your enemy has the upper hand. But it is during this time..." He slid his queen over a square, knocking the black king over. "Your enemy is the most susceptible to attack. Strike them in the places they will not notice."

Cancer grumbled in irritation, but smiled. "Well done, my son. I must say, I don't think it'll be very long until you'll beat Aquarius at a game."

"Another round? I'll let you win this next time," Scorpio said, sweeping his hand across the board. All the pieces scooted back to their original places, except now Scorpio was playing as black and Cancer was playing as white.

"You promised me that last time." But Cancer did take hold of a pawn and began to move his pieces.

"Cassie, have you any friends or family back in the mortal realm?" Scorpio asked, moving a bishop. "It's been so long since we were mortals. Sometimes we forget what it's like to be human."

Cassie thought. She thought back to her family, all of whom were 'normal' human beings, no star eye, no mystical powers. Her mother, who would give her long, meaningful talks if she was unsure on what to do with her Zodiac problems. Her father, who would go on long, rambling tangents with her about space and the stars. Her brother, who would beat her constantly in Mario Kart and who would make her hot chocolate whenever she stopped by his work.

"My family...well, we're really close," Cassie said, lacing her fingers together. "I...I don't know what I would do without them. I saw Gemini and Aries and your mother talk during Capricorn's party. All of you seem really close as well."

Scorpio nodded, moving a rook. "We are very close, though it took a long while for us to become that way. When I first became a Zodiac, I was very distrustful of others. Aries even more so. Neither of us truly bonded with other Zodiacs until Cancer, Virgo, and Gemini arrived."

"Gemini, Virgo, and I all knew each other in our mortal lives," Cancer spoke up, shifting on the ground where he was sitting. "You could say we were the glue that binded Scorpio and Aries together."

Cassie nodded. "And my friends...well, first, there's Ellie. She's the excitable one. Always so happy and bubbly, and she always knows how to cheer me up. And then there's Leena. She's kind of the creepy one, but she doesn't mean any harm. I love both of them dearly. Sometimes they help me with my own Zodiac adventures."

"Good friends are a valuable treasure," Scorpio said, capturing one of Cancer's pawns. "Cherish them. My friends are—well, they're idiots sometimes, but their hearts are in the right place. Have you met Sagittarius yet?"

"No. I did meet Capricorn though. Are you guys close?" Cassie paused, looking sideways at Scorpio. "Gemini was teasing Aries at the party...something about Sagittarius and Aries having a crush on him?"

Scorpio let out a bark of laughter. "Oh, that? Aries has had a crush on Sagittarius for the past...one hundred years or so? We have a bet pool centered around when Aries is finally going to confess to Sagi."

"Hold those that are dear to you, Cassie," Cancer said. "Protect them with all of your heart."

Cassie swallowed, and nodded. How was it that these Zodiacs, though they were so different from hers, still maintained the same values as hers?

"CASSIE!" Someone shouted, running up to them. It was Gemini, looking very distraught. Asclepius was nestled around her shoulders, hissing in irritation. "I'M SO SORRY!"

It almost looked like she was going to give Cassie a hug, but composed herself at the last second. "Ahem. Sorry. I—uh—um. This was not supposed to happen. Anyway—do you wanna...go...?"

Cassie nodded, standing up. "Yeah, let's go. Goodbye Scorpio—thank you for having me! Goodbye Cancer!"

Gemini scooted over to Scorpio, booped his nose (much to the latter's chagrin), and gave her father a quick hug. "Bye, guys!"

Lacerta appeared at Gemini's side. "Let me escort you to the portal, shall I?"

"Hey, um..." Gemini awkwardly looked over at Cassie. "Sorry about...losing you in the kingdom. I never intended for it to happen—I swear."

"It's fine, really," Cassie said, Asclepius hissing in joy towards her. "I found my way back, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but—" Gemini groaned. She let Asclepius crawl into her hand, and let the snake crawl onto Cassie's shoulder. "I was supposed to be your protector until you leave. I let you down."

Cassie smiled, grabbing for Gemini's hand. Gemini, a bit surprised, held onto it. "It's okay. I'll live."

check out @sweet-star-cookie's starglass zodiac lore if you liked this!! questions about my lore are greatly appreciated!!

#oc #oc lore #zodiac #zodiacs #zodiac sign #zodiac signs #zodiac lore #zodiac oc #zodiac ocs

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thedreamsmith · 1 year

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Forged in Dragonfire (Chapter 8)

As always, feedback and comments are greatly appreaciated and let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future chapters!

Helaena

Frederik’s scales were warm against her neck as he wound languidly through her fingers. He was especially talkative that morning, speaking in soft, hissing tones as Helaena wandered the hallways of the Red Keep. She was in search of her brother. Aemond, not Aegon.

Helaena had learned long ago not to seek out her eldest brother, but thankfully since the birth of their twins, he had rarely visited her chambers, drunk or not.

Aemond was kind to her, at least. Aemond protected her. She sometimes wondered what life might be like if their mother had betrothed her to him instead. Perhaps in another lifetime.

In this one, their love was familial, safe. Her protector, her love-who-never-was. The spiders had whispered that he was in the library and hadn’t left for days. The moths told her that his heart was broken.

Helaena had never been fond of the Red Keep’s expansive library, preferring to spend her time in the gardens, among her friends. But her brother had practically lived there when they were children; his nose in a book, always reading, desperate to learn.

The chambers were dark when she entered, the shutters drawn closed over the arching windows. There was dust in the air. It made her nose itch. Frederik was not fond of it either. She would clean his scales later, she decided.

‘Fuck off. I told you I did not want to be disturbed.’ Her brother was slumped in a chair before the hearth, his silver hair unruly. He did not turn as she approached, unperturbed by his coarse language. Helaena simply knelt beside him, heedless of the books strewn across the rug, their spines bent and broken. Aemond was not himself. Her brother would never treat books in this manner. They were his friends, like the insects were to her.

He straightened when he saw her. There were deep shadows beneath his eye, she did not need the spiders’ whisperings to tell her that he had not been sleeping.

‘Helaena.’ His face softened, as it so often did when he gazed at her. His sister, who he could not protect from the tyranny of their brother. ‘I thought you were someone else. I would not speak to you like-‘

‘Your heart is missing.’ She frowned, fingers splayed across Aemond’s doublet, the same one he had been wearing when their uncle killed Vaemond.

‘My heart still beats, I assure you, dear sister.’ He covered her hand with his own, his smile did not reach his eye.

‘It is missing.’ She spoke more firmly now. ‘It is many leagues from here.’ Now Aemond looked away. Her brother was always so stoic, his emotions well-kept secrets. The rawness of his expression unsettled her. Her Aemond did not let himself spill over, like their brother’s wine - drunkenly poured.

‘Then I shall simply have to learn to ignore its absence.’

‘Or you could follow it.’ With a gentle touch, Helaena turned his face back towards her. ‘She does not have dragon’s blood in her veins, but that does not mean she is weak. Perhaps you just need to teach each other not to be afraid.’

‘You overestimate her importance to me.’ She could feel his jaw clench beneath her fingertips. Aemond had never been skilled at deception, it comforted her that some things did not change.

‘The girl who stole a dragon’s heart.’

‘She will not have me. Especially not now.’ Her fingers were wet. It took her a moment to realise why. Her brother’s shoulders shook, silver tears spilling from his remaining eye. She knew that no more words were needed.

Helaena stood, stepping between Aemond’s knees, arms wrapped around him, even as Frederik coiled around them both. The man who never cried - not when their cousins bullied him, not even when his eye was cut out - sobbed into the brocade of her gown, trembling in her arms.

She let him break against her.

In the Dragonpit, Vhagar’s roar shook the very foundations of the city.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

#aemond targaryen #aemond one eye #prince aemond #aemond smut #aemond stannies #aemond targaryen imagine #aemond fanfic #aemond fanfiction #aemond x oc #aemonc x ofc #ofc #oc #slow burn #slowburn #angst #angst with a happy ending

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talesofsorrowandofruin · 1 year

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Character Snippets Tag

Thanks for tagging me, @primroseprime2019! :D

Rules: pick an OC and post a snippet from their viewpoint. I decided to do this for all the main characters in The Unfortunate Moth:

Yo-han:

He had to knock repeatedly before Dr. Latimer finally opened the door. The doctor was still in his pyjamas and looked half-asleep. He groaned when he saw Yo-han.

"Not another murder, please," he said in-between yawning.

"No. I have a few questions to ask, if you don't mind."

"You couldn't come back later?" Latimer grumbled, but he let Yo-han in anyway.

"In the first place, I know you and the victim stayed in the same hotel in Hong Kong. I know you had some sort of argument with her. What was this argument about?"

The doctor stared at him. "...Are you by any chance a mind-reader?"

Yo-han stopped himself from audibly scoffing, but only just. "Certainly not. I have a brain, knowledge of human nature, and access to a telegraph machine. Your explanation, please."

Phil:

Rachael was planning something unpleasant for someone. Phil had seen the symptoms before. Unusual abstraction, frowning and tapping her fingers against her lips, not noticing when she was spoken to, maintaining a stony silence; they were all unpleasantly familiar. Phil immediately began reviewing her recent behaviour to see what might have set Rachael off. Her normal yelling was bad enough. But this sort of behaviour always preceded a particularly nasty outburst. The sort of outburst that lasted for days and could sometimes become physically violent. (Mostly to Rachael herself; during these explosions she would slap her own face and accuse the target of her wrath of driving her to do this. At these times Phil honestly believed her aunt belonged in a padded cell.)

Phil spotted the symptoms as soon as she walked into the dining room. What could have happened to cause this in a few minutes? She didn't know, but she immediately switched from trying to provoke Rachael to being as conciliatory as possible. She'd planned to read her magazine during dinner. Instead she kept her handbag firmly closed and greeted Rachael more politely than she had at any time since they left home.

Rachael stayed silent all through dinner. It played havoc with Phil's nerves. She kept her head down, then worried that was making her aunt even angrier. She pretended to be absorbed in her meal, but when her knife scraped against the plate she tensed and waited for an explosion that didn't come. She tried to act naturally but felt like a puppet operated by a trainee puppeteer. Every minute she expected Rachael to accuse her of something. Phil almost wished her aunt would just so she would finally know what was wrong.

Leo:

Leo scowled at the line. Out of morbid curiosity he'd sat down to reread the play, and somehow it was worse than he remembered. Who on God's green earth called their wife 'beloved angel' — spelt 'beloved angle', because Philpott clearly hadn't paid attention in English class — in this day and age?

Once more he considered substituting one of his own plays for this one. True, he'd never actually published the scripts he wrote or tried to have them performed. The only people he'd shown them to were a few of his co-stars, who hadn't been exactly enthusiastic in their praise. But that didn't matter. He knew he was no Shakespeare, but he also knew he was a better playwright than Philpott.

Máté:

The best Maté could say for Mrs. Patton-Langdale was that she spared him the worst of her temper. He knew this was out of pragmatism rather than any regard for him — secretaries who were fluent in German, Hungarian, Romanian, and who could also muddle by in Russian and French weren't exactly a dime a dozen. If she treated him half as badly as she treated Miss Ophelia, he would hand in his notice at once and she would have the trouble of finding a new secretary and professional translators for each of those languages.

Unfortunately for Miss Ophelia, she wasn't a paid employee and couldn't threaten to resign. She was an easy target. And Mrs. Patton-Langdale, like all bullies, chose easy targets.

When he first began working for Mrs. Patton-Langdale, Máté had tried to stand up for Miss Ophelia. He had quickly learnt this was useless. Worse than useless, because it made Mrs. Patton-Langdale suspect there was something between him and Miss Ophelia when nothing could be further from the truth.

Rachael:

Rachael had held onto this letter for the last week. She was sure Király didn't know it existed, and she hadn't let Ophelia see it either. She simply didn't know what to do about it. The most likely explanation was that Octavia had come to sponge money off Rachael. When that hadn't worked she realised it was useless going to Ophelia, who had no money of her own, and instead appealed to Király. The reference to herself as "the old hag" incensed her. As soon as she got home she'd see her lawyer and have Octavia completely disinherited.

But who or what was J? Rachael had tried various conjectures. A mutual friend of Octavia and Király, a place, a stage play, a license plate, even the initial of a rival company. None of them were convincing. Finally she hit on the idea of blackmail. J referenced some event or person Király wanted to remain unknown, Octavia had found out somehow, and she was using it to demand money.

As for Heather Glenn — or possibly that was really Heather Glem, or even Heather Glew; Octavia's handwriting was a mess — she must be one of Octavia's actress friends. Why she was mentioned in the letter was yet another mystery.

Tagging @oh-no-another-idea, @silvertalonwritblr, @winterandwords, @frogqueenofmirkwood, @words-after-midnight, and anyone else who wants to do this! :D

#tag game #writing #my writing #my WIPs #WIP: moth

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yourlocalartsonist · 1 year

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ROTTMNT Moths Fly In Packs - Chapter Five

A/N: Pain. Suffering. Pain. Agony. Sorry for dying for the past few weeks (month?) but I was just struggling with this chapter bro like fr. It was originally much much MUCH longer but I felt like it got so long that it cluttered everything up and was just taking too long to write. So, I split the chapters up. Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm leaving y'all on a cliffhanger for this chapter but hey! Chapter six is almost done so it should be out waaaaaay sooner and you won't have to suffer for too long :> Hope you guys enjoy this and sorry for the wait and the shorter chapter lmao

Also! Credit to: @sweaterrat for being my beloved beta reader!

Previous Chapter:

Next Chapter:

Chapter One:

Disclaimer: Chapter involves neglect, mild panic attack, violence, injuries, and curse words. If you're sensitive to that stuff, scroll past and stay safe! <3

—

The gusty air chilled my skin. It’s quite windy today, isn’t it?

Twenty more steps.

It’s Monday now, starting the week with school as usual. Getting to see everyone. Including… Jaiden. Just like last week. All over again.

Ten more steps.

I don’t know what I did. If they’re okay. If they’re mad. I ignored my phone the whole weekend after seeing Jaiden at that party. They could’ve just told me or rescheduled or something. Why lie? What gives?

Five more steps.

I covered my eyes, shielding them from the light reflecting off of cars. Maybe Jaiden didn’t lie. Maybe there really was something important at first and then they went to a party later? But then again, they could’ve still told me anyway. But then again, maybe they figured I’d be busy by then. Yeah, that could be it.

Three.

Well, I’ll never know if I don’t ask. I’ll just ask. I’ll go up to them and say “Hey, I saw you went to a party after telling me we can’t hang out. Did something happen?” And I’m sure I’ll get a reasonable answer. It can’t go that wrong.

Two.

It’s getting kinda hard to breathe. Why? The air’s fantastic today. Are my lungs okay?

One.

One more step.

It’s one more step. Just turn the corner and there it is. It’s Monday, I need to go to school. I need to do my work. I need to talk to Jaiden. I’m so close. Why aren’t my stupid feet moving?

I caught myself taking deeper breaths, my chest suffocated. My legs went numb. The building’s right there, why did I have to get all weird right now? What’s even happening? Why does my head feel mushy? My breathing got more rushed, more audible, more desperate. What is with me, why can’t I just… panic attack? Panic attack! That’s what’s happening! Again.

Now knowing my condition, I leaned against the wall and attempted to relax. Breathe more manually. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Once. Twice. Three times. My body relaxed soon after.

Of course, I just had to have a panic attack a literal step away from school. I should’ve known this would happen. I’ve been getting them nonstop all weekend every time I even thought about seeing Jaiden. Should I call someone? The only other person I could call if I wanted to make it to school today is Zane, and that’s sure as hell not happening. I don’t want him to feel responsible for whatever’s going on between me and Jaiden, he probably has no idea it’s happening, anyway!

I could skip the day. It might honestly be better since I doubt I’ll even be able to focus, anyway. But at the same time, being alone in a state like this wouldn’t be the best option for me. The more alone I am, the more time I have. The more time I have, the more thinking I do. The more thinking I do, the more I’ll be reminded of Jaiden hence defeating the entire point. I searched through my contacts. I’ve got friends outside of Jaiden and Zane now, so maybe I could hang out with someone and get my mind off things. I’ll text in the group chat to see if anyone’s free.

But…

My hands stayed in place holding my phone.

What if they get mad?

I already tagged along with Mikey and Leo just the other day. If I ask again, what if they’ll just get annoyed? I was being too clingy with Jaiden and that’s probably what lead to this situation in the first place. Ugh, I knew pestering them wasn’t a good idea. I just… whatever, just don’t repeat mistakes. I don’t want any of them to be upset with me. But, if I can’t call the guys, who else do I have?

My eyes strained at the tiny bright screen. Only one person left: April. We haven’t gone out in a while, for months actually. Maybe she’d be down? It’s worth a shot.

Breathe in, press the button. It’ll be okay.

After a few rings, a voice picked up gleefully singing my name.

“Salena!~ How are ya? It’s been so long, I thought you forgot about me.”

I laughed “Ah yes, me forget the April O’Neil, as if that’s such a simple task! I just got a little busy, is all. I know they say junior year’s supposed to be the soul-draining year of death and misery, but tenth grade’s not that great either to be honest.”

“That why you called? Is high school kicking your ass that badly? You know I’m always here to help.”

I shook my head as if she was in front of me. “No, don’t worry! I’m actually doing great grades-wise, plenty thanks to you of course!”

Last year, when I was a new student fresh into high school, I was flunking tests and falling behind on assignments. Not because I couldn’t understand the material, that wasn’t the hard part, it was more just struggling with motivation and time management. A lot was going on in my personal life during my middle school years and I got so used to getting off the hook for that, I ended up having a hard time taking things seriously again in high school even though I wanted to.

So I asked our counselor if there was anything I could do to fix it and she suggested the new tutoring program they had set up. April was the senior I was assigned to. She was such a fantastic tutor that my grades shot back up after just a few sessions! And as a person, well, she’s even cooler! Being around her just energized me a lot, enough to do my assignments and even pick up some side projects for fun. It was just something about her spunky and bold personality that felt too contagious to resist. Somehow, this super amazing badass senior ended up taking enough of a liking to me that after she graduated, she asked to exchange numbers and we actually hung out sometimes over the summer. She’s been a bit busier since college, though, and I didn’t want to bother her so our talks turned more into light texts every now and then.

One thing I’ll always appreciate, though. She checked in on me during the whole Krangpocalypse and made sure I was okay. She was the only person who did. The only person who cared.

“A-actually, April? I’m having a bit of a rough time with the uh… social aspect of high school.”

“Oh boy. Talk to me.”

“Oh uh, I…” Should I really talk about Jaiden behind their back? “I mean it’s not that bad, I’m sure it’ll be fine tomorrow. It’s only a little quarrel between me and a friend. I just…” I dragged my hand away from my mouth after realizing I was biting my nails. “I don’t think I can go today. I mean, I tried! I’m literally right outside school but-”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay! You’re going through a fight, I totally get it. Ugh. Darn, I don’t wanna leave you alone right now but…” she trailed off, clicking her tongue and sighing. “You know what? Whatever, we can hang. I’ve got some investigation work but you can join in. We need some adventure in ya, anyway!”

“R-really!?”

“Give me a few, I’ll come pick you up.” Beep!

Well, that went better than I thought.

After a while, April arrived in a cute, shiny yellow car. I’ve never it seen before. It didn’t look very fancy or expensive but it had a sort of comfy and almost familiar vibe to it.

“I didn’t know you had a car!” I threw my bag in the passenger seat and sat down on the one next to her.

“It’s cool, isn’t it? I got my driver’s license a few months ago and Mom surprised me with this! Comes in real handy for long-distance work. Speaking of, you okay with going out of city for this? I’m driving you home, too, obviously.” I nodded. “Still living with your aunt right?”

“Yep, same place as always.”

“Is she… any different?”

I hesitantly shook my head. “But never mind that. What exactly are we doing on this mission?”

“Glad ya asked. We are infiltrating an abandoned mineshaft near the city that I suspect is actually a front for the government to hide their new secret lab for making these super-toxic biochemical herbicides. Assuming it even is that.”

She tampered with her car buttons and displayed… a hologram? Why would a car like this have a hologram?

I suppose my confusion was blatantly on my face since April quickly explained “My friend added that feature. The car didn’t come with it, obviously.”

“Obviously. Must be a very talented friend.”

She laughed “Oh yeah, he’s real talented. And real big-headed about it. But anywho, while I first thought this was just some sorta deforestation plan commissioned by another rich hotshot, I’m having my doubts on that.” The hologram displayed a vial with glowing blue liquid in it as April continued. “This glowy blue thingy was the only thing that could hurt those alien freaks a few months ago.”

The Krang? “Hurt? Aren’t those guys like, scary tough, why would a simple herbicide hurt them? I could throw as many knives as I wanted and they’d still be barely affected.” And I know this because I literally did.

“Exactly! Why on Earth would a simple herbicide do that much damage? Some are pretty dangerous but this was on another level, I dissolved an alien eye with it! Whatever it is, it’s something dangerous. We’ve gotta break in and figure out what’s going on or at least get another lead.”

I stared out the window as she continued driving. I’ve helped April with her work before, she’s got a lot on her plate so I’m always more than happy to lend a hand. But I’ve never actually gone on a field mission with her before. My specialty was more in the research end of things. Nevertheless! I’m excited! A little nervous but it’ll probably be fine. I mean, I’ve survived against pig mutants and rabid shrew Yōkai, how worse can it get?

We arrived at our destination three hours later. I hopped out the car and April opened the trunk, getting out a fiery lime-green bat and handing me a spare metal one. “The place is supposed to be empty so I doubt we’ll need any weapons but just in case.” Honestly, judging from how crazy things have been lately, I wouldn’t be surprised if these actually did come in handy somehow.

I followed April down the quarry, stopping outside the mineshaft’s entrance. Oh, it looked abandoned, all right. The scratched off paint, rusty metal gate, it looked like no one’s been here for years!

“Damn dude, how’d you even find out about this?”

“My university used to be their old lab before a certain someone broke in and stole a bunch of their stuff.” She winked, making it very clear who that someone was. “After months of digging and chasing leads, I finally tracked this creepy rodeo down! And then found out all I really had to do was just look at the name.” She tilted my chin to look up at the sign above the mineshaft.

I squinted past the dirt and rust and read the words out loud. “Elemental Preservation Facility?”

“And what are the initials?”

“E.P.F. …Wait, E.P.F! You mean like-”

“Mhm! The government’s Earth Protection Force. It’s stupidly obvious when you think about it, must’ve been some sort of reverse psychology ploy.” Oof. If I were her, I’d be more annoyed at that. “It did start as an actual mineshaft but never got any good results so the government officially shut it down. But they never actually restored it like they usually would. Any other useless old mineshaft always gets restored.”

“If that’s the case then there’s definitely something valuable hidden in there. But… how do we get in?”

Before I could even start thinking of ideas, I flinched at the sound of April taking action…

“APRIL O’NEIL!” She swung her bat at the gate, taking it down the moment it made contact. I stood there with my jaw dropped at the pure power in her hit. Who needs plans when you’ve got an O’Neil, I suppose!

The mineshaft ended up being a long, dark tunnel of neverending nothingness for a while, filling my head with the occasional doubt if we’d ever even find anything here. After what felt like decades, we finally hit an end. The flashlight from April’s phone began getting overpowered by a different light source, one right ahead of us. A room guarded by two large doors, bright green light shining through the crack. They looked a little out of place for an abandoned mineshaft. These doors were clean, solid, new. There’s a security keypad on the side, technology that definitely doesn’t belong here.

“You don’t by any chance know what the passcode for this place is, do you?”

“Don’t need to.” She broke the damn door again. Facing me, she proudly showcased her bat to my intrigued yet terrified expression. “This bad boy can break down anything I want it to!”

“Hey, April?...” My eyes trailed past her to the strange room behind the broken door. “Did the old lab at your university look like this, too?”

The enormous, round room captivated my attention, vibrant green glow emitting from a dozen pods in the wall. They weren’t empty. There were… things inside. Creatures? Beings? They were curled up presumably asleep floating in the goo, it looked straight out of a sci-fi film. I tried taking a closer look at one of them, immediately stepping back and fucking off when I got greeted with its open eye.

“Yeesh this place looks like a weird mix between an illegal drug lab and a secret military bunker. A-are those explosives?”

“Yep. Timed explosives.” she snapped a bunch of pictures on her phone. “Look at that, they’ve got guns, too. Bet a nickel whoever built this place shoved forks in outlets as a kid.”

We wandered around a bit more trying to make sense of what this place could be. The blue not-herbicide was nowhere to be found but honestly, I have a funny feeling this is way worse. There were a few pieces of paper sprawled around on the ground. Picking them up, I called April over.

“April, check this out! There’s writing on it… I think?”

“Uh, looks more like a bunch of random scribbles to me.”

“Yeah, but look at this.” I pointed to some repeating lines in the text “It has some level of consistency. Could be encrypted text or maybe even a different language that doesn’t exist in the public domain. I’ve dabbled a bit in the conlang community before, making a new language and writing system is more common than you’d think. Not a huge stretch for a government agency to do that.”

“Welp, it’s the only physical evidence we’ve got so it’ll have to do!” She put the papers in her backpack and zipped it shut. “Besides, Donnie might be able to decipher this stuff.”

Donnie? “Huh, what a coincidence! One of my new friends is also a huge nerd named Donnie. I bet he could help, too!”

April narrowed her eyes and raised a brow “Wait, really?”

“What? Did I say something?”

Wait… What was that!? My spine tingled as I spun around frantically, trying to find the source of my uneasiness.

“What!? What’s wrong!?”

“I-I don’t know I just… I feel like someone’s watching us.”

She gasped “Look out!”

I got pushed to the side watching April swing her bat and send the large cat flying back into the wall. We jumped to the sound of hissing and growling, coming from a small pack of them surrounding us. Their striped coats resembled tabby cats but their sizes were way off. Tabby cats were tiny compared to these guys, they looked more like a small puma’s size!

“Woah!” I dodged to the side avoiding another pounce “What are these things!? They’re huge!”

“I don’t know!” She grunted, swinging the cat away “Whatever they are, they’re attacking us so we’ve gotta move!”

April grabbed my hand and we rushed to get to the other side of the room, taking the lead so she could block any attacks at us. My mind ran a mile a minute trying to make any sense of this while also not dying at the hands of a monster cat. Danger aside, I admired how well April used her bat. She strikes with pure confidence, moving with her bat as if they were one entity. I might be imagining things, but sometimes the bat feels alive, a friend to April more than a weapon.

The tabbies stopped chasing us once we were out of that room and back in the mineshaft. They stared us down, hissing as if to say “Stay out!”

April looked back, sighed, and began walking towards the mineshaft’s exit. That was until I tugged her arm to stop her.

“Salena?” She looked confused. I kept staring. “What is it?”

“Um, I know this might sound like a stretch but…” I ignored the pesky voice telling me I was insane and instead went with my gut “I think whatever creatures attacked us are related to the ones in the pods. It just doesn’t feel like they’re normal cats. The E.P.F. is up to something and I don’t think it’s good.”

She seemed conflicted, the corners of her mouth turned down “It’s not a stretch. With what just happened, I think you’re on to something. Oh boy, this is worse than I thought it’d be.”

“...We should destroy it.”

“What?”

“The lab. We don’t have any leads other than some pictures and funky text. That’s not even close to enough to figure out what’s going on and what the E.P.F. is planning to do with all of this.” I met her eyes, a worried look flashed across them. “They’ve got explosives, don’t they? We need to destroy that lab and at least hinder their progress to buy us more time.”

“Oh no no no no, hell no! You are not going back in there. I wouldn’t have even brought you here if I knew we’d be dealing with a bunch of supersized freaks!”

“And they’ve got more of those freaks inside! Who knows what they’re doing to those animals to make them so unnaturally aggressive! April, if we leave now we’re letting things continue. If we destroy the place… if we kill them we’re at least saving them from being government guinea pigs.”

“Look, I’ll come back here later and figure something out but not with you. Right now, you and I are getting out of here and I’m driving you home.”

I know she’s right. This is dangerous. Those cats had claws and teeth large enough to kill with ease, one wrong move and it’s over. But they’re still innocent animals. Living beings. They’re being toyed with and turned into monsters. I can’t just let whatever ‘mad scientist bullshit’ this is go on. Even if she comes back, what if it’s too late by then?

“April…” I backed up, gripped the metal bat, and ran back to the lab “Wait for me in the car!”

“Wha- SALENA NO!”

Sorry April.

Running through the tunnel, I built up speed, zigzagging past the big cats before they could stop me. Now back in the room, I made my way to the explosives and shoveled a bunch between my body and arm. With April gone, I had to frequently strike at the leaping felines and defend myself. The metal bat doesn’t seem as powerful as April’s, neither are my hits. But whatever, they’re getting the job done. I ran along the walls, placing an explosive on each of the twelve pods. That strangely doubled as a distraction for some of the cats since they started clawing at the explosives. I looked at the timer on them.

Ten minutes. I can make it.

Unfortunately, this time even after bolting out of the room, the giant cats kept tailing me, almost like they knew what I was doing. They hindered my progress a little, having to both stick the last of the explosives on the mineshaft walls and attack the cats till I get open space to escape. But that didn’t matter, I had to get out of here.

Only five minutes left. If there was ever a time to sprint it’d be now.

“Huh? AH!!!” A fluffy fucker slipped past my radar and leaped on me, both of us crashing into the rocky wall from impact. My bat wasn’t in my hand anymore, it fell too far from my reach.

So there I was pinned down screaming in pain as the only thing between me and a very graphic death was my poor left arm acting as a shield getting torn into by its teeth. My head was throbbing, my forehead felt slightly warm and wet. Panicked, breathless, and thinking it was the end, I closed my eyes praying the whole place just blew up before I got mauled alive.

“APRIL O’NEIL!!!” I heard the cat yowl as she thrashed it off me, pulling me up and dragging me out. “Come on!”

We dashed through the exit, up the quarry, and dove behind April’s car, far enough to not die from the explosion. I covered my ears to the earth-shattering sound.

I looked up to see April holding me tight, almost cradling me. Even despite all the jitters from the last however-long-it’s-been, her protective grip still managed to calm me down, if only a little.

The world went silent. We peeked from behind the car to the now blocked-off entrance.

“We… We did it. WE DID IT!” I got up, wincing as my head felt a little wobbly and nauseous but it was probably from the intense action just now.

“We sure did! Man, I am gonna lay in bed for the next week after this. You ready to head home?”

“Ye-”

“Don’t answer that, we’re leaving either way.” Her eyes shifted to the side of my forehead, slowly widening “Hey, are you bleeding?”

“Am I?” I touched my temple and blinked at my red fingers. I must’ve hit a rock or something?

“…Come on, we gotta get you some medical attention.”

I tried taking a step to follow her but my legs felt shaky. Everything’s sideways now, am I on the ground? My vision’s blurry. Why is April calling my name?

—

Next Chapter

#rise of the tmnt #save rottmnt #rottmnt #unpause rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the turtles #rottmnt season 3 #nickelodeon #netflix #paramount #rottmnt fanfiction #rottmnt oc x canon #rottmnt oc #oc x canon #rottmnt x oc #rise april #april o'neil #rottmnt april #rottmnt moths fly in packs

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14muffinz · 1 year

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Too much anxiety to tag everybody, but when I say the concept of His world leo's joining in on peepaw therapy sessions does not leave me alone

I am going to refer to them as their fic titles, because it is 11pm and i am not going to loose sleep over character names. (Using LJ/MJ to refer to main timeline leos/mikeys, and then just the abbreviation for the oldies.)

Included/Referenced are: OMO - @/cherrytraveller

MNMC - @/mutantninjamidlifecrisis

AMW - @/teainthesnow

TAE - @/apatheticrobots

MH - @/characcoon

The new guys, OMO!LJ decides, are like, way off.

He's pretty sure everyone else is seeing it, too, because it almost looks like those two are getting along.

Also. The one who'd waltzed in and claimed the name "Leonidas" and taken no questions had a fucking axe.

Like, what.

"Did you see that?" MNMC!LJ whispers in his ear. "Those two just smiled at eachother. Without banter. What the fuck."

MH!MJ, the only Mikey in the entire meeting (that'd been a real shitshow, don't ask) hums. "Someone go call in the bodysnatcher, we need an analysis, stat."

"Calling it now," TAE!LJ announces, "big one's five years earlier than ours."

"Wow."

TAE!LJ jumps at the newbie's appearance.

"This whole thing is... more common than I thought. So what? We're supposed to talk to eachother? I've done plenty of that already, trust me."

"Oh, please," OMO!LJ snaps.

HW!LJ raises his hands in surrender, looking around at the party before him. There was a little variety among eye colours throughout, strangely enough, and OMO!LJ notes the near impossible shade of bright blue this guy's are.

"You're literally a Leo, there's no denying that there's something," MJ snaps.

"Like, perhaps, why your guy showed up without his sword."

This time, several of them jump at the appearance of AMW, who plops instantly down into his half-used chair.

"Especially why he needed it replaced. Thing's sentimental, he wouldn't just abandon it, and the masks are on the new one. So what happened there?"

"Our ninpo's separated," HW!LJ responds, and it's so painfully a deflection of what really happened there that OMO!LJ and MNMC!LJ lock eyes. "Ever since he showed up, he's been leeching off of mine, which, fair enough, the universe kind of fucked us over like that, but then, like, a few months ago, there was this whole thing, with a black hole and shit, and I tell you, he just appeared with the damn thing."

"Score one for team shit did not yet hit the fan," TAE!LJ deadpans.

"Oh no, I don't mean the bubblegum bitches."

AMW!LJ lets out a choked laugh at the comparison.

"He popped up when Micheal, uh... beamed me up."

Right there with the lovely, painful comparisons.

This whole thing did not work very well when most of them, excluding like 2, had very similar experiences with the Kraang.

"What, so he just showed up then and there?" MNMC!LJ finally needles, his hand a death grip around the arm of his chair.

"Is this an interrogation?"

"Perhaps," OMO!LJ informs him.

~~~

"Wow," Nidas says when he plops himself into his chair. "This is depressing.

There are like, 3 different dead-eyed stares locked on him right now, yeesh. Was this what he'd been like around Nardo at first?

"Oh wow," MH comments, "we finally found one who doesn't combust into tears on the spot."

"Oh, like you were any better," MNMC snaps.

MH side-eyes him.

"It's okay, Mike, you can hair flip," MNMC reassures.

"With what? His overgrown sideburns?"

Well, this is going swell.

He looks over at the quiet one, and realises that he's staring at the arm. Of course he is, given that everyone here, excluding Chin-Stripes over there, were using prosthetics.

"Hey," OMO snaps at him, so of course Nidas focuses in on the guy. "How do you get it? The indifference thing? I've been trying, for like, moths."

TAE sighs, but is interrupted before he could say anything else.

"Oh no, I'm doing terribly right now," Nidas assures him curtley. "But like, I saw the little guy on the way in, so since I came back you're already the fourth Mikey I've had to–"

"Four?" Several voices exclaim.

"Where'd that last from come from?" MNMC questions.

Ah, great.

"Y'know, when they warned us that the circumstances would be a little off, this was not what I was expecting."

~~~

"You got him out?"

AMW!LJ is uncomfortably close to his face.

"Y... yes?" HW!LJ stutters out.

"Teach us your ways."

"Well," he coughs awkwardly, thinking back on what had transpired that fine day. "There's a lot of life-threatening shit involved. Soul-sucking. We kind of almost killed my bro's on accident then we had to like, relive trauma and shit to find them. It was this whole thing."

"So you're traumatised?" MJ prompts with an eye roll.

"For life, man."

("Mood," MNMC mutters under his breath.

MJ very curtly flicks him.)

"From today and onwards, I've seen two different Mikey's with sideburns."

AMW groans, loudly. "So to seperate the two of us, I have to make shit worse? UGH!"

"Hey," HW!LJ offers, placing a hand on his alternate's shoulder. "You'll get your own font of depression eventually, don't worry about it. It'll pass, too, before you know it you'll be right back to Leo "I process trauma through humour and never confront my feelings 'till I die" Hamato."

"Y'all need therapy," MJ deadpans."

"Jokes on you," MNMC!LJ smirks, "we're already here."

#peepaw multiverse #rise leonardo #i am keeping this as quiet as possible lmao #ficlet #rise of the tmnt #hamato leonardo #rise leo #rise future leo

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batmanofthewestcoast · 2 years

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Bluebird's Gadgets

Inspired by @blueskyerising 's tag about wanting Harper Row to have a wider array of weapons, I've compiled a list of things Harper has and could have in the future.

Taser Rifle

Her default weapon and the first piece of tech that we saw Harper use when she became Bluebird in the pages of Batman. My only issue with it is that while it is strong, it would be difficult to carry around, especially if she's pursuing someone by rooftop.

My solution would be to have it be collapsible. I know we've seen it before in the pages of Batman Eternal, but perhaps make it into something she could wear.

I would take inspiration from Gail Simone's favourite franchise, Kamen Rider. More specifically, the Faiz Blaster, which has a collapsable suitcase-like form. In my mind it (the Taser Rifle II) could collapse into a backpack-like form that attaches to the back of her suit.

Bird Bots

Seen in the pages of Batman and Robin Eternal these drone-like machines were used to seize the joints of the Powers Technology Exo-Batsuit. I seem them as versatile tools, would love for them to come back and be used to scramble cameras, which would be extra useful since Punchline will most likely be coming after Harper and her brother Cullen.

Silk Spinner/Booger Gun

In her fight against Killer Moth in Batgirl, Bluebird was able to get his weapon and apprehend him, noting that she thought "it was kinda fun". It'd be a good way for her to keep villains and criminals stuck in place, to a degree like Spider-Man and his webs.

Batarang Launcher (NEW)

In the Superheavy arc of Batman, Commissioner Gordon took over the role of Batman in the absence of the caped crusader. Backed by Powers Technology, one of the tools he was armed with was a gun that could shoot batarang projectiles. Post-Superheavy it seems these tools have been scattered to the winds, with Exo-Batsuit in the possession of the GCPD, and Rookie in the possession of Batwing/Luke Fox. I think a tool like the Batarang Launcher would be a good fit for Harper as she's already seemingly has experience with projectiles.

Cattle Prod (NEW)

This is something I'm a bit indecisive about considering that Nightwing is know for electrical batons in the Arkham series of games. My initial idea was a collapsible baton similar to one seen in the first Watchdogs video game, easy for Harper to keep on her. But I returned to the Kamen Rider well of ideas and I thought of something inspired by Billy the Rod, an electrical nightstick used by Kamen Rider Fourze. Being a mix between a billy club and a cattle prod, it would be Harper's go to in situations where the Taser Rifle wouldn't be ideal, such as tight spaces.

#DC Comics #Batfamily #Bluebird #Harper Row #Batman #Batman Eternal #Batman and Robin Eternal #Comissioner Gordon #Nightwing #Kamen Rider #Batgirl

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flecks-of-stardust · 1 year

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okay year in review eh

this shit's long so i'll put it under a cut, and also all tags are going to be removed

I posted 4,547 times in 2022

That's 1,870 more posts than 2021! (lmao. even though i made my blog sept 2021? i guess i slowed down somewhat)

551 posts created (12%)

3,996 posts reblogged (88%) (honestly not too shabby of a ratio for original stuff)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

liquidlikecats (hi moss)

aroarachnid (hi ash)

flecks-of-stardust (LOL MY FUCKING LIVEBLOGGING)

flame-shadow (huh i guess flame just posts a lot)

I tagged 3,149 of my posts in 2022

Only 31% of my posts had no tags (that is surprisingly high tbh)

#hollow knight - 939 posts (haha yes hollow knight blog)

#ghost - 277 posts

#the knight - 237 posts

#hornet - 177 posts

#bug fables - 163 posts

#rain world - 141 posts

#holly - 134 posts

#the hollow knight - 115 posts

#bookmarked - 113 posts

#pale king - 87 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (of course it's just screaming)

My Top Posts in 2022:

the sale is over stop giving this notes pls /hj

160 notes - Posted May 4, 2022

yknow, the watcher knights really speak to the influence lurien had. monomon’s protection is uumuu, a sentient jellyfish that presumably has some ties to her, while herrah’s protection is her people, in her Den. but lurien? lurien gets an army of knights. we fight five/six, but there’s more husks in the background. who knows how many knights he had at his disposal, all ready to guard his body? what kind of power must you have to have access to that?

192 notes - Posted November 27, 2022

honestly i still don't know how this has so many notes. where were yall even coming from?

[image description: a crochet doll of a very round Radiance. She is roughly spherical, has a three pronged crown, a pair of wings each with three fronds, and round yellow eyes set into a black heart shaped mask. Everything about her is rounded and soft, though her eyes are ovals. end image description]

Orbiance

i saw someone’s radiorb plush in the main tag and was hit with the realization that i, too, can make the roundest radi to ever moth. she’s the biggest thing i’ve ever made thus far, which is... fitting, i think. her crown was surprisingly easy to wrangle into place, but i won’t complain sfjkghjk her face took more effort, honestly.

it’s interesting trying to simplify a design as layered as radi’s down into what is essentially a fancy ball. i thought about adding more fluff to her wings, but honestly, the triplet wing-crown-wing probably makes it cuter. also, from experience with the wooly aphid, adding more fluff just tends to look weird, so eh. simpler is better sometimes.

also, there is a surprise under her...

See the full post

236 notes - Posted May 7, 2022

bro tumblr gave this post a cliffhanger DKJSJKS all hail radiorb

i ship lurien with a bed and a good nap

340 notes - Posted August 12, 2022

fran i blame you for this /j

My #1 post of 2022

the abyss cutscene after you dream nail the egg is a somber one, but i do have to wonder. how does ghost know what the pale king asked of the vessels? like the pale king is clearly going ‘no mind to think, no will to break’ as ghost is climbing up to the top in the cutscene, but surely he couldnt have told each individual vessel as they hatched ‘hey heres what i want you to do’ since theres probably billions of them

the most likely answer is probably magic, somehow, or. gameplay reasons. because this is a video game. but i want to entertain the idea that ghost knows what the pale king expected of the vessels because he stood at the top and screamed it repeatedly down into the abyss

661 notes - Posted January 4, 2022

thanks flame for helping this post blow up /s

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

anyway this is interesting. if i'm still on the hellsite next year we'll compare again lmfao

#year in review shit read if you want i guess

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that-is-just-so-typically-me · 5 months

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Lmao I was trying to find an old audio post of an ancient meme on this app and the app’s search engine apparently can’t let you search by post type but it DOES populate a list of your most frequently used tags and it turns out one of those for my blog is my ex’s name because I’d forgotten I used to put her name in the tags when I’d share posts that reminded me of her and us, so I know you’re wondering and the answer is yes of course my self-harming dumb ass clicked it and scrolled through! And I am now just like absolutely leveled down to the foundations! 🙃 I just got to have a fully global mind-body physical flashback as I began to read the posts and literally feel sensations in my body that I hadn’t felt since some indeterminate point in recent years when the pain of the more recent memories finally and fully occluded my ability to recall how it felt to be with her when we were happy. Like, I’ve always remembered but for years now it must be that I’d only ever remembered like data points about how I felt and how it was, but like how still photographs communicate what a place is like, compared to how physically being there we actually know what a place is like. It was like stepping into my own body in 2017 and re-living that exact moment in time where I saw and reblogged that post. That’s something I only ever do with the night she left me, or some of the other top ten most scarring/painful/regret-choked moment between us.

I feel like I practically had the wind knocked out of me. For a brief moment being in my body felt in a way, such a happy, light, joyful, innocent way, in this way that I realized I had literally forgotten I could ever feel or had ever felt, it seemed as formless and insubstantial as a dream recalled from childhood, just a few frames and the sweeping narrative arc. These days I cannot IMAGINE how the girl writing those posts was feeling that she could write such silly loving happy things for someone and that it was not only possible but safe and okay and wanted that you do and say and feel those things! I think for years now if you’d have erased my memory entirely and asked me if such pure, innocent happiness could exist in this world for me (or what that even means), I would’ve absolutely said “no” and probably laugh in your face. It feels like the person who made those posts couldn’t have *possibly* been me, because I am not the kind of person who would ever even be so bold as to claim that I DESERVE to want such things, it would be wasted on me.

As I write this I realize the self-concept in me that is dominant almost to the exclusion of all other “me”s basically talks to me as Cinderella’s stepsisters talked to her and made her feel, that she is so ugly and pathetic and unwanted that to want to get dressed up go to the ball is hysterically funny and embarrassing because she’ll never be beautiful or wanted by the prince and the whole ballroom will laugh at her. The idea that I could put my mother’s ancient moth-eaten dress and go to the ball hoping for love again when every girl at the ball is a real princess, and lovely, and charming, is like so zero degrees K unattainable in the perspective of the strongest voice in my head, that it’s truly unFATHOMABLE to me now that someone like that ever chose me and made me feel chosen and loved me and made me feel loved!! Like it feels like crazy talk to my heart. Who could ever have possibly loved your garbage ass when there are Robins in the world? So my brain, who in years has only visited these emotional rooms whose boards I’ve trod thin with my agonized and infinite pacing, has sort of stripped the knowledge of those past feelings from my body as immaterial, cut the cognitive load to only what I need to know to survive. My brain has felt so unsafe for so long that it’s marshaled every neural node to the cause of studying that pain because we have to figure out how to make it stop somehow.

I know that I’m rambling and making a truly scant amount of sense. But to try and finish expressing this if I even can, this is somehow the weirdest flashback I have ever had though definitely about as desolating as the rest. It dawns on me now as I write this (again, this rambling is absolutely brought to you by me, journaling in real-time the instant I got like 12 posts deep into that tag) that the actual reason my “inner bully” is so ruthlessly cruel to me is because she thinks she’s protecting “us” and this is the best way she knows how to keep us safe because she must stop me from doing that thing we learned was so painful that it almost destroyed us. And therefore, the fact that I can’t remember the physical reality of how good it felt before I lost it is because it’s actually more painful to have to briefly live again in a body that knew every corner of that wonderful feeling only to be jerked back on the immediate pendulum swing to a body that knew nothing but an acid-eaten hole where that feeling used to live, staring down the endless landscape stretched ahead of me where the sun has not risen in four years and I’m practically despaired of all hope it’s anything but gone forever. Like that feeling was so beautiful, a weightlessness I can’t possibly explain, and then the terrible crashing of the familiar and asphyxiating lead blankets around my shoulders again. That was very fucking uncool lmao and I think I literally would rather my flashbacks of the bad memories, at least I have calluses so thick there at this juncture that when cut feel a pain no more remarkable than my hip pain, a constant companion like a radio playing in the background while I go about my day, omnipresent and only occasionally warranting any focus. There the skin is practically just an open wound.

I feel like I am stained by all of this and I just want to scrub my skin raw to get every memory off of me so I don’t have to know how good things were and aren’t and will never be again, how bad things got and what I learned to hate about myself, I just want to be free. I want to be free of this. I am so afraid that despite all my trying I am going to feel like this for the rest of my life.

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