#so maybe it's beyond aspec actually | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

batri-jopa · 1 year

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I love myself looking sexy for the sheer pleasure of it

#me myself and I #my art #aromantic asexual #aromantic #asexual #aro #ace #aro/ace #aroace #this time the 'rough cut paper' effect was on purpose #my cap is a little darker. I'm already too fat for my only grey trousers. and the old turtleneck have its colours reversed #only the sunset flag is true🙃#sunset flag #just me #aroace positivity #aroace artist #oh and it was like dicussing the idea of 'looking pretty to be liked by someone' that I guess I almost believed for some time in my life #so maybe it's beyond aspec actually #all the guys look good for yourself always!✊️

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virgils-together-breakfast · 4 months

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*where* was *that one word* for when you have an attraction that ***replaces*** another one

like *this is the chair where the romantic attraction sits* ...aaaaaand alterous(/etc) is sitting in the chair.

not specifically that, but just the idea of "this is the spot where this type of attraction goes and another type (or possibly a mix of other types) is there instead"

#yall come tell me if i need to remove some tags ok?#aromantic #asexual #aplatonic #analterous #asensual #aqueerplatonic #aaesthetic #aspec #i KNOW i saw it somewhere #i usually dont post beyond reblogs but i cant find ANYTHING across several search engines #it all keeps coming up quoi or quasi or not at all which is NOT WHAT I NEED #yall please. i cant find it #im so anxious socially but its bothering me SO MUCH that im ACTUALLY TALKING FOR ONCE #this has been bugging me for like a couple of months now #described situation is not exactly the one im gonna use the prefix for i just need the framework to maybe coin some stuff #caps #capslock

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huntingrays · 3 months

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so, i love and vibe w bi leo, it’s so good

however

something just hits different with gay leo who’s been performing heterosexuality for years

#heroes of olympus #leo valdez #like i could write a whole essay on this (not rlly but also yes rlly)#like lil him somehow getting in his head that you have to find someone who likes you and then you’ll grow to love them #and that all guys just think girls are pretty but don’t like them beyond that until they get to know them #and he doesn’t get to explore feelings for girls bc nobody shows interest in him and he keeps like running away from home #and then he meets fake memory jason and something just clicks #but he assumes it’s just bc they mesh rlly well #but then he has the classic italicized oh moment #but he just thinks he’s seeing why girls like jason so much #and so he ignores it and tries to get a gf. bc surely if he flirts w pretty girls he’ll find one who likes him right?#and once he finds a girl who actually likes him then he’ll fall for her and know what all those guys w gfs are on abt #but also mans probably has some catholic guilt n internalized homophobia n shit #bc yknow his aunt calling him a demon/devil (i forgot which it was)#i can imagine him and nico bonding over this and falling for heroes #and he’s SHOCKED when pipes is talking abt what she loves abt women after she comes out #and he’s like ‘wait what???? I’ve never thought that way abt girls ever. you don’t just like them bc they’re objectively pretty????’#and then they have a long convo abt sexuality #and he has a realization that the way piper feels abt women is the way he feels about men (but mainly jason)#maybe he’s also aspec? I could see him being demi and only liking someone after getting a connection w them #valgrace #man now i wanna write a leo sexuality crisis fic #but i got so many fics i wanna write… the main one being a revival fic bc the boys deserve to be happy #but also i need more valgrace fics… and you should be the change you wanna see in the world #as someone who’s arospec i’m just projecting onto him but with a different flavor

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andrasta14 · 6 months

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I hate when I'm listening to an audiobook and it feels like I must've spaced out for a long while because when I come to suddenly the protagonist and their love interest are "mates" and "married" (even though no actual wedding has taken place!) and I'm just sitting here like...what...happened?? You guys just met three frigging days ago. :o *spreads hands in bewilderment*

#maybe it's me being aspec but I swear most mainstream romance just isn't for me #I mean is **everybody** but me just falling “in love” as easily they fall off a sidewalk or what?? 😓#most romance feels so trite and inauthentic to me #like GO DEEPER for f*cks sake...bloody well *convince me*...compel me beyond a shadow of a doubt already #*bangs head on desk*#can someone PLEASE recommend me books with actually good romance?? 😭🙏🙏🙏#I mean honestly a lot of the time it's the books that aren't even strictly in the romance genre that have the best romance #because actual “romances” try too damn stereotypically hard and it's just ends up ringing false to me #*weary sigh*#books #my random ramblings

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aromantic-diaries · 2 months

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Yknow I feel more represented by characters who aren't confirmed to be aro/ace or even written as such, but can still be interpreted that way because of how they're characterized, rather than characters who are confirmed to be aro/ace through word of god while the actual story has no implications of that character being aro/ace beyond them not having a love interest. The latter kind of waters it down to not wanting to date or have sex which isn't really all there is to it. I get that not all representation has to be a 100% accurate, deep and touching depiction of the aro/ace experience, but that doesn't mean completely ignoring the character's identity beyond not giving them a love interest.

I will elaborate with two examples under the cut

So for the word of god representation, let's take Lilith Clawthorne from the owl house as an example. I think she's a great character, I liked her, and I think the owl house is a fantastic show that deserved better. However I don't think of Lilith as good representation because the only real confirmation we have is outside of the actual show. It's not in the canon material, she doesn't have a love interest but she's not even the only character who stays single so that doesn't mean much. She isn't shown to be any different from anyone, her being aroace isn't really relevant in any way. I'd say the best word for describing this type of representation is Passive. We know she's aroace because it was confirmed outside of the show, she doesn't have a love interest, but it doesn't really go beyond that. I get that the show was cut short and maybe it would have been elaborated on more but that's just a generous assumption on my part. My point is, I don't really see any real aro or ace experiences reflected in her character, neither mine or anyone else's. She doesn't really represent any actual aspec experiences at all which is why I don't consider her to be good representation. I still understand the community's attachment to her though, we take what we can get and what we get is very little. So while I love the owl house, the aroace representation is pretty dissapointing compared to the great representation of other queer identities and I'm kinda bummed that the aroace character still gets sidelined in an otherwise very queer friendly show

For another example I'll bring up my all time favorite, Rudy Waltz, protagonist of the book Deadeye Dick by Kurt Vonnegut. Deadeye Dick is not a feel good story. The story is dark, bitter and the conclusion is no different. Still, I would describe it as oddly comforting and pretty funny at times. So what does that have to do with anything? Well, our Rudy can very well be interpreted as asexual and probably aromantic as well. He isn't referred to as such, he describes himself as a neuter, the author states in the preface that the protagonist's disinterest is a metaphor for his own declining sexuality, and the book was written before the term aromantic was even coined. However, as an aromantic asexual reading the book, I could not help but deeply relate to Rudy's lack of interest in ever having sex or finding a romantic partner. I felt kinship with him as he described knowing how many people there are who are just like him and yet they go unnoticed by most people, because I was one of those people. I related to him and the way his disinterest in sex was met with such confusion from another character. Despite not being described as such, Deadeye Dick is very much in part an asexual and an aromantic story because the protagonist's experiences line up with that of someone on those spectrums. You could argue that calling him aroace is problematic due to him fitting a negative stereotype due to his emotional detachment, or that he only fits the label because of said detachment, but that does not change the fact that he is still better representation than a character who was confirmed outside of the story with no real implications. I see myself in Rudy more than I do in Lilith because Rudy actually feels like an aroace character

Anyways, rant over. Feel free to disagree with me

#aro #aromantic #arospec #ace #asexual #acespec #aroace #aspec

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poppyandzena · 3 months

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Did Poppy actually try to "fix" NF's asexuality..?? That is beyond disgusting, I'm a survivor of multiple attempts to "fix" me and that paints this whole relationship in a new light for me. Since aces are pressured to be sexual to be "human", a lot of us will convince ourselves we're feeling sexual attraction when we're not. Since I came out, I've realized just how much I was lying to myself to please others. Maybe NF was too?

Yeah, aces can experience arousal and have a libido. I always tell people that the parts still work. Aces can be sex positive as well as sex repulsed. Being ace doesn't always mean someone is also aromantic either so we can and do flirt. Some aces enjoy writing erotica and ERP. Aces can have kinks. There's a whole aspec identity based around only liking sex as a fantasy concept. There's also demisexuality and greysexuality.

"You can't be asexual because _______". is seriously the purity testing Poppy and Zena always say they're against. Poppy - NF is aspec. You don't get to change her sexuality, stop being aphobic. If this is about being SA'd, focus on that instead of "well she can't be ace because..."

Poppy said NF's HRT was too high of a dose even though NF's body is different to Poppy's and Poppy is not a medical doctor. She isn't an ANYTHING doctor. Poppy sexually pressuring NF was a large component of the relationship.

#poppy #nf

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justanotherhh · 1 month

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aspec headcanons for some hazbin hotel characters (minus alastor, cos that's canon babey)

charlie: allo-ace and bi, potentially leaning on demi-ace in her sex neutrality, but overall really not that interested in sex, beyond how it functions as a partner bonding activity. hasn't actually had sex before vaggie, not because she hasn't had offers -- this is hell after all, sex negativity isn't necessarily the problem -- but because she hasn't been in a relationship she deeply cared about and felt that safe in

vaggie: romance favourable aroallo lesbian, however has to unlearn internal sex negativity after previous bad relationships + some of heaven's more hypocritical ideas about what sex constitutes, and so being with charlie is a good way to slowly explore her attraction. more kinky than she would admit to... yet....

on the whole both of them fit into gaps around each other, and their relationship simply works because they believe in one another -- vaggie becomes attached first, when charlie patches her up, and then charlie, especially when vaggie becomes the biggest fighter for the hotel. that's the structure of their relationship, and the rest can be talked about. vaggie knows how important romance is to charlie and doesn't mind that being a part of their dynamic in the same way she'll join in on the hotel bonding exercises even though they're not really "her thing," and the two of them have sex as a way of being close (and at some point maybe they'll open up their minds to the fact that there's no bond as strong as that forged in bondage...)

niffty: aroallo het. also very kinky, very much the domme in any situation. this wasn't necessarily true while she was alive in practice, but it was in her heart. unfortunately hasn't had much opportunity to put it into practice in hell either, yet, due to being, well, on the far end of the terrifying scale. one of the reasons she and alastor get on so well is that they understand that their ways of relating to people are so different to the norm that they end up somewhere next to each other, even though he's repulsed and she very much isn't. still, they're in hell, someone should get that girl sub, stat! (some kinda big, scary-lookin guy for her to punish ideally)

sir pentious: token allo straight ally ✌ reads all of the literature once he discovers it's a thing. knows more about this than any of the others, even though it doesn't apply to him

cherri bomb: aroallo bi, likes sex, and also likes being swept off her feet, it's just she's too used by now to nobody making a damn effort. she's not romance repulsed, but she's not about to embark on a monogamous romantic relationship with anyone. she likes that someone would be into her romantically, as long as they don't get weird about it. the rituals of romance are fun, someone taking her out for dinner, treating her like she's someone special, not just like a one-night stand, but she's not giving up the one-night stands either. or the orgies! still, nice to have a familiar couple of dicks to return to

husk: i believe the word of god says pan, so let's run with that. on the aspec front my guy has loooooooow sex drive on the whole, and sexual isn't the kind of attraction that he understands in general, but secretly longs for a deeply romantic relationship of some kind, something out of an austen book or a knight in shining armor type myth. you know the kind: he takes the hand of his suitor and almost kisses it, but not quite, wining and dining, perchance even... cuddles..... (if sex is involved he might get with the programme, but it's not something he needs or initiates. this has made it difficult for him to get into relationships in the past)

angel dust: gay and on a spectrum of aspec that is trauma-informed, but also complicated by being naturally hypersexual. doesn't connect sex to attraction, and doesn't feel sexual attraction, so much as sex is a means to an end (scratching an itch, entertainment, power, work, intimacy although it's been awhile since that's been put into practise, etc). not sexually monogamous, and has no idea if he'd be into monogamy romantically either. in fact, is not sure if he is alloromantic, because there's no precedence that isn't related to power and control. may need a whole new kind of language for whatever relationships he'd form (not just with husk, but generally with the hotel gang) that lie outside of the structures he knows

that being said, all he wants is someone treating him gently, whatever kind of relationship that relates to

valentino: aroallo pan, but youknow. evil about it. could just be fucking left right and centre without making it such a big hassle for everyone else, but noooooo he has to go and own their souls too and make things difficult for them, and it's not just because owning souls is good business, he likes the ownership itself. that's part of the kink. does have favourite types of dynamics, in particular likes weird powerplays, whether or not he's topping or bottoming in them

vox: allo grey-ace bi. but evil about it. falls desperately in love and then becomes obsessive and possessive forever over that person, whether or not it turns to hate along the way. val had better watch out he never gets on vox' bad side... angel is already on thin ice simply for being one of val's favourites (RIP). that being said vox isn't really in it for the sex. he's in it for the power. and then every once in awhile he's in it for the sex (but only if it's got power involved). gets deeply weird about it all in a way that signals to everyone that it's a "once in a blue moon vox really wants to fuck val" time, so they can get out of the building sharpish in case it involves disemboweling an employee as foreplay

all of this is why voxval aren't a couple, aren't friends, but a secret, third thing (evil about it)

velvette: aroace, and not evil about it. she's just evil in other ways. honestly think she and alastor could get on in a different afterlife. she's not repulsed, she's simply strongly disinterested and somewhat annoyed with how much space all of this seems to take in everyone's heads to one extent or another. sort of a classic aroace in the way people in the past might have said "she was simply too busy for Romance," and yeah, she is busy, but if she wasn't she'd do literally anything else than get involved with any of *waves hands* that whole thing, just because it does seem to remove everyone's braincells -- she does write most of the voxval smut though. sometimes watches back videos of them going at it. just those two though, that asexual study-like-a-bug fascination. does she get off to it? that's her secret. okay so maybe a little evil about it

carmilla: aroallo (i wanna say bi, considering her and vaggie's tension), but not practising RIP. zestial would in a heartbeat, but she is unfortunately too busy, and not in the "aroace" coding kind of way, she just is. she's got two kids and an arms-business and millions of souls and potential heavenly invasion to think about! but yeah, she might feel more relaxed if she were to read his signs...

lucifer: alloace (bi?), but like. in a "i fucked your ex-wives" bragging rights kind of way. like yeah, he did that, but that's because he'll simp for a beautiful woman, not because he's particularly looking for sex. he'd be happy doing literally anything for a hot woman. big sub praise kink energy. (and this is why lucifer and adam could never have sex without a third-party dom/me involved -- what're two subs gonna do RIP?)

adam: lol, ok idk what would be funnier. alloace? aroallo? aroace? grey? demi? whatever says "talks a big game, but actually wouldn't know what to do with the whole thing if he had the chance, and hasn't had sex since eve left him, and that was kind of a lot of pressure being the only two humans and all, and like, was god watching all that, anyway, yeah ive had sex ive had all the sex (with one woman, missionary style because god might have been watching), did i do a good job, was that okay, of course it was, im not self-conscious about that, i fuckn love vaginas, yeah i can spell that word, can you spell uh, deeznuts, because that's what humanity came from babey, and now i never have to do it again, wait i didn't mean that last bit, anyway... where was i? do you think lucifer was better at sex than me?" -- whatever that is

lute: aroallo lesbian (and evil about it, but she's been indoctrinated, maybe she can chill out one day, we'll see). no, whatever she and vaggie had going on, i feel like it was incredibly toxic, did they have sex? didn't they have sex? did they have whatever a homoerotic subtextual sexual scene would look like? like when you watch those macho soldier movies and one of them is bullying the other into submission and there's a veneer of sweat and shame over the whole thing and close-ups of writhing muscles, but they never appear to have actual sex onscreen... that but with lesbian angels. lute is not over vaggie not submitting to her/her choosing to be in a (spits) "romantic" relationship (with a demon)

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aroaceconfessions · 1 year

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Reading aspec experiences (or even experiences of straights with aspecs, in fewer cases) I think I really "lucked out" with mine

[It's a bit long, sorry]

I never felt anything (romantic or sexual, maybe not even platonic) and didn't think it weird at all. I lived the first 20 years of my life thinking I was your average straight and that if someone ever caught my eye we'd find each other and everything would be, y'know, very average and "normal". I was very much like "eh, I'll get it on my way to my actual goals", like ticking it off a list, but not going out of my way to get it done.

I was never pressured into relationships, not by family or by peers - at least not beyond "oh, you like hanging out with [male friend]? Are you toGetHeR??" in middle school. It actually stopped in high school, maybe because I was also hanging out with [female friend] then. Maybe when I get older I'll receive more pressure from my family, but for now it's basically non-existent. I also never had the need to get into a relationship if I didn't feel like it, so no internal pressure.

I don't remember where I first saw the term "asexual". I just realized it clicked like... a bit more than one year ago. I'm pretty sure I told this to another male friend of mine (who, according to my mom, was cautiously "testing the waters" to see if he could propose a romantic relationship with me???). I do remember explaining to him the term "asexual". I think his reaction was just a "huh". And that was that lol

It took until I finally watched Jaiden's aroace video to realize I was aromantic on top of asexual. I confused one instance of interest towards a boy on a study trip as a crush, so that was a thing that confused me a bit. Although I was pretty much at peace with the "new" label already. I went "oh, that explains a lot. neat. I'm aromantic, then".

Now I'm questioning if I'm aplatonic too, which I'm facing with almost the same nonchalance - I just worry about having to keep in contact with friends, because I kinda suck at it, but if I'm going to be spending a lot of time in the same space with the same people it's not really an issue.

(Yeah I'm the one who submitted that confession ask on 3rd March, I'm glad it directed others towards discovering aplatonicism. I'm not neurodivergent as far as I know, but I do consider myself an introvert. Maybe that contributes to what might be aplatonicism. Again, I'm also questioning lmao)

When I read about others' struggles, I really just want to hug all of you. I haven't experienced enough to really offer advice.

I've never experienced heartbreak or unhappy relationships or feeling forced to change for a partner, or family, or close friends. The people I've befriended (over a long time of more-or-less forced proximity because of school) were never "sex-crazy", or obsessed with their partners (if any), or told crude sex jokes, or spouted thinly-veiled aphobia. I've never felt anything, so there wasn't much of a struggle to find more specific labels to put my experience into words.

I just feel lucky. Perhaps undeservingly so. If you've also had a more "chill" discovery of yourself, I'm happy for you <3 If you haven't, know that my arms are open for a hug anytime, and I hope it will get better for you too <3 <3

Submitted March 17, 2023

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #aspec #aro #ace #arospec #acespec #arose #aplatonic #heteronormativity

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ziptieparty · 2 years

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i havent seen anyone alloromantic specifically talk about their experiences in aplatonicism, so i thought that more input from a different perspective could be useful?

i relatively recently (maybe 2-3 months ago) saw someone use the word "aplatonic" to describe themselves, and several things clicked into place with me, my general thought process being something like "of course theres a subset of aspec labels for platonic attraction, people feel romantic and sexual attraction separately so obviously theres a platonic side to." and i left it at that for awhile but something about it stuck with me.

i suppose ill start at the beginning,

when i was a kid i was mainly friends with boys, and for awhile i attributed this to being trans and just relating more to male peers. i do still believe this to be a factor but now thinking back on it i realized there was a pattern to my relationships.

at one point or another, i had had crushes on almost all of them.

i realized all at once that the only reason i had even spoken to a majority of my childhood friends was because i had been romantically attracted to them at the beginning of our friendships.

now, i can anticipate some kind of argument along the lines of "thats just how crushes and friendships grow with everyone" or some such nonsense

but i can say with my whole chest that thats not what was happening.

im not very good at explaining things in a way that makes sense to most, but i will attempt to be as clear as possible.

a lot of people wanted to be my friend.

i was funny and loud and friendly to my classmates. i liked to play tag at recess and brought pokemon cards and my tamagotchi to school before they were banned. i shared the parts of my lunches i didnt want, i stood up to bullies, and sat with people that were alone.

but that was about the extent of it

i was friendly

but i was never your friend

i generally considered myself a "loner" and no matter how friendly or talkative or persistent or technically compatible my classmates were-

it never took.

i just. wanted to do what i wanted to do.

i had kids i interacted with often and i named them friends when prompted to list any, but i never actually. spoke to them? it was more like i sat next to them and we did things alongside eachother (parallel play style) and i would say little things to them like hello or good morning or maybe that i liked their shoes but i never like. discussed what i liked with them or vice versa. i couldnt tell you a thing about them beyond their names.

this pattern continued until i started to develop crushes, suddenly i was initiating contact with kids without outside factors. i sat with them and gave them the sweet parts of my food and for the first time

i asked them questions

i wanted to know if they liked the cartoons i did and who their favorite characters were, i was curious about what they liked and what they thought. their input mattered to me.

a majority of my relationships from then on followed similar patterns, i thought they were cute or funny and so i talked to them and could tolerate the connection that followed.

i didnt keep my feelings for a lot of them of course, i had no way of knowing who these people were before getting to know them but the point still stands; i had to have a crush on them first.

this wasnt always the case with my friends, sometimes when i would interact with someone the stars would align and id stay in contact somehow and id end up with a friend that didnt start with romantic feelings.

my life gets messy from my teens on and i will spare you my life story, but i ended up in a position that i only had one person i could pass off as a friend. the relationship was just like the ones from my early childhood, i just kind of existed alongside her and i couldnt really tell you anything about her.

ive never formed bonds with anyone without outside influence and the ones i did were rare or romantic at first. isolation doesnt really bother me, i dont like or need to talk to people often, my own family barely knows me and has to force my interaction

sometimes i kind of joke with my husband that id never had a real friend before because i could never tell him anything about the friends i still had when i had met him, and now i think i have the words to describe why?

im not entirely sure what i should label myself, demiplatonic fits but i feel is a disservice to the people that i was or am friends with that were faster and didnt start romantically. perhaps grayplatonic or something but im just going with aplspec for the moment.

#this post is long so i left things i experience out #i may talk about them at a later time but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#aplatonic #actually aplatonic #WHAT DO PEOPLE TAG THIS KIND OF THING?#mouthful.txt #aplspec #aspec

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a-tale-of-legends · 4 months

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Luca- Short version: Gay, Genderqueer ( he/any). Long version: Luca doesn't exactly really care for labels I think. Or rather he just knows he's queer and doesn't think beyond that. He likes he/him, but is also fine with people using other pronouns for him, and honestly, Kieran is probably his first actual crush, and I don't exactly see him being attracted to girls so. Yeah. Maybe aspec but I dunno. All in all, he's just here to have a good time.

R.B- Bi, trans woman(she/her). No real long winded explanation lol. She kinda always knew but was in an environment that really restricted her. Plus, she was around people she really didn't like so crushes were kinda a no go for her until recently.

#i hope giving Luca labels and then saying he doesn't really care for it isn't super contradictory 😅#oc: luca valero #oc: ramona beatriz luna

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daggersandarrows · 11 months

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Hi I think a new w359 fic would be great! I think the w359 Fandom is always happy to get more content :D

well, thank you, anon :) tbqh i wasn't really aware that a fandom for it still existed--i started listening during season one and was very active in it up through the finale. i was even one of valenti's youtube mods for a bit. about six months after the finale it felt like the fandom had totally died, and i eventually lost touch with or was forced to cut ties with pretty much everyone i'd been friends with through the fandom. i guess it's still got a tiny post show fandom going, though.

having said that, i don't think i've ever had another fandom experience quite like wolf. i was in early and stuck around till the end, which i can't say of any other show really--i guess welcome to night vale? but that hasn't ended and doesn't really have much of a fandom anymore either. but it's hard to deny the incredible impact that wolf 359 had on me.

minlace was my first ever femslash ship and the first femslash pairing i ever wrote for. i think kepcobi was actually also the first slash pairing i ever wrote for, though it wasn't my first gay ship (cecilos). i had my trans awakening due to trans jacobi hcs and another aspec awakening because of ace maxwell hcs. but beyond the queer stuff the story just...spoke to me. it's so much. idk.

anyway it'll be real weird to look back at my writing for this fandom and pick something new; i've improved as a writer a lot since then, at least i think so, and my wolf stuff is like...holy shit was this actually me???

really, REALLY long answer to a simple ask--sorry!! but all this to say: yeah maybe i will write something again.

#wolf 359 #thane.txt #answered

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an-inkling-of-life · 1 year

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Entry 05: November 13, 2022

Why the heck not? The flags are listed by order by the way.

Progress Pride

The two versions of the progress flag had been subject to scrutiny due to people thinking that these designs look cluttered. Frankly, I agree, BUT I began to prefer them over the plain rainbow flag due to the type of infighting I have seen in the community.

I've seen so many transphobes and anti-intersex rhetoric even amongst other LGBT+, so I think the progress flags communicate my stance better.

Agender, Neutrois, Abinary, Nonbinary, Genderqueer, Xenogender (specifically Monstergender & Eldrigender), Agirl

I primarily refer to myself as agender/genderless due to this being the most accurate simplified sum of my gender identity; however, beyond the lack, how my genderlessness feels specifically is more complex.

The neutrois identity pretty much describes how I feel neutral towards my lack of gender. Neutrality and nonexistence pretty much blur to me. Being an abinary nonbinary emphasizes how my gender identity isn't strictly male or female and how it isn't within the spectrum between male and female at all. Genderqueer appears to be a much older term that's very similar to nonbinary, but I understand why not everyone may desire to use it, because of having a slur in its name. I personally love reclaiming slurs, so this descriptor is something I fully identify with.

I also consider myself as xenogender and xenic-aligned. In its most metaphorical sense, I experience my genderless identity in a way that makes me feel like my human body is only a vessel or form that's like clothing rather than something innately me. Gender envy manifests as wanting the ability to shapeshift. Gender euphoria comes when I represent myself as a monster. It's everchanging in shape and desired expression, but the sense of gender is continuously absent still. I don't think people will understand what bodily forms I actually want access to and how I view my living body. Basically, the absence of my gender is replaced by a sense of inhumanity (monstergender), and I can never really know why so and maybe fully understanding it is impossible and headache inducing (eldrigender) seeing as how I can relate so many words to a simple sense of nothing.

For now, I have the body of a woman. I don't hate this body. It just feels like one of many forms. I like expressing femininity but still feel heavily disconnected to womanhood but indifferent to it most of the time. Having a perceived manhood makes me feel heavily dysphoric. I suppose this makes me an agirl.

That said, just because I'm an agirl doesn't mean I will tolerate being maliciously misgendered. My indifference comes from disconnect, a laziness to explain my identity in most circumstances, knowing that not everyone I meet knows who I am, and seeing words as gender expression rather than actually gendered depending on the context of use. I am feminine and not a woman. Transphobes better not play dumb, because context can be observed, and I will know if you impose me as the latter rather than as the former.

Femininity and womanhood are not the same. Femboys/Rosboys are still men even when they are feminine. My femininity doesn't stop me from being agender.

Aspec Bisexual/Biflux (Demiromantic Graysexual)

I think the funniest part about my sexual and romantic orientation is that I actually debated with myself, going back and forth with identifying as bisexual and aromantic asexual. It turns out that both are technically correct terms as I'm in the aroace spectrum. 99% of the time, I am aroace, but slightly more so on the aro part. I don't really recall feeling romantic attraction towards someone other than my current boyfriend. He's my first genuine crush and I was 18 by that time. I never felt the same for anyone before or after and I'm 20 now. He's also the only person other than my mother that I feel immense emotional attachment to. As for sexual attraction, I have very rare but insignificantly weak ones where I don't recall the specifics. I guess that makes me demiromantic graysexual. The bisexual/biflux end is that in the very rare occasion that I do feel sexual attraction, my preferences tend to fluctuate.

Ambiamorous

I can feel happy in both monogamous and polyamorous arrangements. Although, I may appear functionally monogamous to some due to my very rare interest in others. I do have to say that I feel a lot more comfortable with dating a polyamorous person. I just saw too many people sucking at monogamy that I'd rather my partner tell me they date multiple people than lie to me about being "the only one" and then cheat on me.

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jenny-dreadful · 9 months

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if i can ask a personal question how do you know if you’re bi-aspec (or aspec in general)? i keep spiraling about what if im just a lesbian and thats why i havent had sex or maybe im too introverted. im in my late 20’s so i feel like if i honestly wanted to i would have by now but i almost feel like i HAVE to just be repressed instead and stuff like the lesbian masterdoc has made it way worse :/ i always hear people say like oh go with your gut but thats not good advice for a nervous person and idek if i know what attraction feels like period, is it nervousness? intrusive thoughts? aesthetics? ugh!

lots of pieces to this question! i’m gonna do my best to handle u. pardon the text wall

FIRST: How do I (“how does one”?) know I’m aspec? I can only speak for my own experience, but for me the important pieces were 1) Finding out “some people just don’t experience sexual attraction” was even an option and 2) Realizing/being told that when other people make reference to, like, wanting to fuck a hot stranger, they do actually mean it and it’s not just a crass, jokey exaggeration.

People are cute as hell! I really enjoy checking cute people out! But I’ve never once scoped a hottie and thought/felt “OOOH I’d like my business to get up in their business, physically-speaking,” you know? It’s crazy to me that anyone would. It’s crazy to me to know that most people have not only actually had, like, actual irl physiological responses just to the presence of an appealing person, but that that’s, like, a pretty normal part of life for most people. Like, HUH? Y’all cannot be actually getting blushy n wet n shit…y’all cannot have ACTUALLY needed to hide boners through your whole teens*…please say sike…

It’s not that I’m seeing hot people and going through, like, a thought process of deciding it’d be unsafe or immoral to fuck em and therefore ultimately I don’t want to, or that they’re out of my league, or that I’ve decided I’m uninterested in casual sex in a social sense (although things like that may also apply)—it’s really just. N/A. These concepts just aren’t linked for me.**

So my thought is: To answer “Why haven’t I had sex? Am I ace or am I just introverted?” try assessing: Are you actually, actively attracted to people, but not pursuing that attraction due to shyness? Or maybe: Do you assume on some level that palpable attraction/arousal is something that kicks in Later, If You’re Getting Into It With Somebody, and you’ve just personally failed to get far enough to unlock those feelings? Because that one’s not it, actually—people who aren’t ace Feel Attraction whether they’ve done anything about it or not

As far as the other points of confusion you’ve mentioned, I really can’t nail them down for you, but what I CAN say is that I personally find the questions of “Am I just repressed?” and “Maybe I’m a lesbian and scared to accept it?” to be supremely unhelpful. In this context, they both hinge completely on the idea of ‘Someone suggested I might be lying to myself because I’m not ready to accept [x], and it’s impossible to definitively refute bc the phenomenon described is one where, literally by definition, I would not know I was doing that.’ Genuinely, I think you gotta consciously set those questions aside—you can return to them whenever, if you want, when you have a better handle on your central question.

*Not ENTIRELY literal and black-and-white like this for all aces. Personally I’ve also always been v low-libido, so the “Is this attraction or am I just free-floating nonspecifically horny?” was pretty fuckin easy for me to answer. It might take a little more work for you though, I don’t know your life story

**(This is where we get a little more personal, so be cool, but: When I’m using more specific labels [“bi aspec” usually covers me just fine], I’m demisexual, which for me is like. It’s not that I’m “sexually attracted” to anybody so much as it is that beyond a certain point/type of personal closeness, romanticism etc., sex starts to seem appealingly cozy, I guess? When that applies, I’m still not getting Super Hype about it in the way allos do. I’m not feeling particularly Urged to do anything. I’m still not proactively physically responsive. Just kind of opens it up as an option wrt things that sound kinda nice). I mention this only because, I dunno, if you’re questioning, it’s important to acknowledge that asexuality has a lot of different shapes to it—for very few people is it a total absolute in every dimension.

So ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I don’t know if anything in there is helpful to you, but I hope so, and good luck ✨

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nicxxx5 · 10 months

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every time i think about my friends who have used the "well as a queer person-" "as a bi person-" "as a pan person-" "as a (whatever explicitly identifies someone being attracted to something other than the opposite gender)-" i get really pissed

because even before i was aware of being queer i was very educated on queer topics. like i constantly read articles from news stories and personal excerpts of other queer people. i was also constantly surrounded but queer people in friend groups growing up. i don't think i was in a single friend group where their wasn't a queer person for me to observe and learn from the the things they would tell me. so i know lived experience is obviously completely different than reading about it but i felt myself to know quite a bit more than they were allowing me to say i did.

now i know there's gonna be a lot of people coming to me saying "well it still doesn't matter how much you learned because they were actually queer so by default they knew more and their opinions overruled" which to a degree i guess i would agree with that, but let me also point out this

as time has gone on i have continued to figure out that i fall into a queer identity a lot more than i thought i initially did. i have also identified as ace since probably early high school maybe middle school since i knew something was different. and i have continued to receive treatment as if i am not a queer person and my opinions don't matter.

so this post goes a little beyond people who educate themselves on queer topics not being allowed to speak. people within the lgbtq+ community are still facing internalized ostracizing for their labels not being considered "queer enough". a lot of people, whether intentionally or not, do not view aspec people as queer. they don't view questioning people as queer. from personal experience this to me makes it very difficult to figure out your queer identity when you know something is different but you're not sure what, so you're kind of just going along exploring labels but not really making decisions on any, and people are making you feel like you're not part of the community.

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catgirlthecrazy · 1 year

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ao3 wrapped: 3, 29, and 30

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

Ooooh, tough call. If I had to pick one, it's probably The Art of the Possible. I've gotten so many comments from people saying that it made them feel seen, or that it helped them understand their own sexuality better, or that it helped them figure they were asexual, period. I cannot overstate how touching that is to hear as an author, especially since other people's fics have done the same thing for me in the past.

(Honorable mention goes to Cradle These Shattered Remnants for being the first multi chapter fic I've actually finished in literal years).

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Ugh, there you go again, making me pick a favorite child T.T

I will say, that this particular section from Cradle remains the most cathartic scene I've ever written (reminder: Caleb is Feebleminded during all of that):

"It is a shame," Ikithon continues, slowly ramping up the force on Essek. "I rather enjoyed working with you. But I think it is clear that this partnership of ours has outlived its usefulness."

The giant's hand presses harder, and Essek's bones start to creak with excruciating pain. He feels like a lump of clay being pressed flat by two plates. He would scream if he had the air for it.

Someone else screams instead. Forgotten until now, Caleb barrels into Ikithon, wildly swinging the beacon on its tripod like a battle-frenzied orc with a maul. It catches the Archmage in the stomach, sending him crashing to the ground.

Immediately, the force holding Essek vanishes. He collapses in a heap against the wall, gasping for breath. Somewhere very far away, Ikithon is yelling and Caleb is still screaming, but all Essek can do is focus on sucking in that sweet, life-giving air.

He looks up just in time to see Caleb bring the beacon down on Ikithon's head with a hideous wet crunch.

Ikithon doesn't move after that. Still yelling, Caleb bashes his head in again. And again. And again. And again. Essek has the distinct impression that Caleb will keep going until he's too exhausted to continue– and maybe even beyond that.

Inside me, there are two wolves. One thinks that it's ultimately more satisfying for Ikithon to be brought to justice and his crimes exposed in the light of day. The other thinks Caleb should get to murder that son of a bitch. As a treat.

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

Probably the intensity of the response to The Art of the Possible. As mentioned above, it struck a major chord with aspec readers in a way I was not expecting at all. Maybe that was foolish of me, but I didn't think of it as a fic about aspec issues when I was writing it. The story drew pretty heavily on anecdotes I've read (mostly on advice forums) from people in relationships where one partner has a much higher sex drive than the other, and that's not an issue unique to aspec people. On the other hand, the solution that Essek and Caleb come up with was inspired by a story from an allo guy on reddit about how he made things work with his ace wife, so maybe I shouldn't have been surprised 😅.

Ao3 wrapped ask meme

#ask meme

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bearsinpotatosacks · 3 years

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Scones Headcanons

I really like this ship. They're domestic and its comfortable and they're both aspec in my headcanons so here we go

They got together after Bones either broke up with Jim and Spock and the relationship wasn't working or Jim and Spock got together but Bones was in love and it wasn't reciprocated

Either way, Scotty potters about in engineering while Bones cries and whines and sometimes gets continuously more drunk

But over time he stops talking about his heartbreak and they just get along

One day, Scotty, who I now headcanon as demiromantic asexual, starts to feel romantically attracted to Bones and it hits him hard

Keenser gets him to ask Bones out and they don't look back

They eventually move into one apartment in San Francisco as a base when off missions for a short time

This happens from 2259-2262, mostly in secret without trying to, they just want to have a normal, comfortable relationship and it just doesn't catch wind on the Enterprise

After Beyond, when everyone had been debriefed, they didn't care about keeping things on the downlow and hugged for almost 10 minutes when the adrenaline wore off

Their friends were surprised but saw how calm they are around each other

During longer periods they go from Bones' ranch and Scotty's Cottage (that belonged to his Nan and was left to him in her will) that's on a hill by the sea

They let Jaylah pick her room out at both because they all know that they're parental figures for her

Scotty spends his time in his workshop, maybe making things or turning wood on a lathe or fixing things around the house

Bones knits and watches overdramatic soap operas and brings in tea, asks what he's doing and actually listens when he describes it

They're just domestic and cute, okay?

Hope you liked this!

#leonard mccoy #montgomery scott #scones #mcscotty #jaylah #aos #star trek #aos star trek #star trek aos #alternate original series #star trek alternate original series #bear writes #my headcanons #domestic #fluff #scones fluff #getting together #growing old together

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