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#sometimes i gotta remind myself that i can write
lale-txt · 4 months
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the sweet feeling when you’ve been pondering on an idea forever and finally have a vision how to execute it properly… like a ball of yarn unraveling before your eyes ahhh
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bmpmp3 · 5 days
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dysgraphic artiƨts risɘ UP!!!!!
#raise your pencils!!!! and erasers. to fix the backwards letters 😔#sorry still thinking about my weirdness with my art professors. yknow a lot of em have been really pushing us as#students to make our personal identities a major part of like our 'brand' as artists#which. well from an art history major perspective thats a very contentious and nuanced topic. i love a lot of artists who live this way#and i think its great seeing my peers who focus on identity thrive. but also as an fine arts major (double major fool LOL)#i keep getting pushed by teachers into like. specific '____ artist' identities???#specificaly woman artist. which is a little bizarre because im a bit fat and a bit gnc so im generally like. ungendered? in day-to-day life#(which doesnt actually matter to me directly that much honestly LOL people tend to view me as like. buddy? buddy or pal.)#(not man. not woman. not anything human. sometimes i remind people of a beloved dog. which. hkdsahjk thats its own can of worms)#(a can of worms that also doesnt matter much to me directly because im a wannabe furry who chose to be the dog when playing house as a kid)#(LOL so um. well. theres that) but yeah i dunno i dont really consider myself a woman artist. its been. shockingly (and sometimes luckily?)#irrelevant to most of my life and experiences and art (although dont get me wrong misogyny is very real and very present) so i dont#have a whole lot to say about it from an art perspective. you could also call me all kinds of things. a queer artist. a mixed race artist#again technically correct. some aspects more visible in my work than others. but also very technical. i focus on race a lot in in my#art historical work but i dunno how much my drawings have to say. except that i keep making too many mixed ocs LOL#i dunno i just think my professors gotta focus that energy away from tokenizing me and over to supporting like actual#capital W Woman artists capital Q Queer artists capital A Artists of Colour who are doing far more interesting things than I#far more thought out and engaged in these topics directly. i just kind of stumble into my art blindly and confused <3#sorry that was a long tangent WHAT IM SAYING Is despite all that: i do consider myself a capital D Dysgraphic artist#i think its an unmovable constant of my art and the way i draw and the way my hands move. the untrained eye doesnt seem to be as aware#of it directly. but those who are familiar can probably see it. the dysgraphia LOL if not just from whenever i write a letter or number#half of them are busted and frantically fixed HDKJSDJDS but its in all my art. if u can see it <3 ive been trying to embrace it#dygraphic artists raise your pencils indeed!! and throw away the eraser!!! make the legibility of your words everyone elses problem!!!#what does that say? what is that sketch? none of my business! none of your business!! its the business of my hand and the pencil alone#motor skill and spatial issues take the wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel
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em-dashes · 8 months
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now that suddence is out to betas i'm oscillating between getting more and more self conscious and overthinking about everything that might be wrong with the story vs. knowing that is literally THE POINT of betas and i can't in good conscience let my story slide out into the world with a bunch of faults i didn't catch simply because i was too close to it
#em dashes#DON'T GO EASY ON ME I NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING#i just need all my betas to know that I KNOW my story isn't perfect in its current state and that's exactly why it's out for critiques#i think there's always some part of you that wishes the critiques will come back squeaky clean. no notes! absolute perfection!#bc then you'd feel proud! you'd feel like you know what you're doing! like you're a PRO!!#however i gotta remind myself that not even professional writers can crank out perfect stories right away#they all have editors and peer critiques to help them#and i have to be careful about equating critiques as personal failures#because they aren't!! they're there to help!!!#anyway. enough venting for now#it's been a while since i got peer critiques so it's a little unnerving lol#but also also i just saw a very good breakdown of an episode of buffy that deals with grief#and i couldn't help comparing it to suddence which also deals with grief#and thinking 'wow. why didn't i do this. why didn't i do that. am i doing this all wrong'#AHH! writing is a very scary profession sometimes#but to be proud of myself for a second#i've never been so confident as to even show so many people my writing. let alone to receive critique on it#it's so strange to think there was a time where i kept all my writing bottled up and didn't talk about it to anyone even on tumblr#i began posting in 2018. that's not that long ago. that's only five years#and yet it feels like a billion years ago. i was still in university. suddence didn't even exist yet#wow. time is so weird
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fourteenthz · 6 months
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Updates on HER btw
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#by “her” I mean dark knight ! her.#I'm not that far into the quests (just lvl 47 as you can see by the aurum vale glam LMFAO) but YOU KNOW WHAT I can see it.#where the fray love comes from. there's something abt someone noticing how the wol overwhelms themselves for others you know#he definitely sounds like me when im pissed at fetch quests.#but also “i didn't know when to stop and neither did you eh? look at yourself. most of that's not even your blood!#leave it. you've nothing to be ashamed of.“ IM SOKKOOOOOOOIOKII NORMALL ABOUT THIS ONE GUYS. SO NORMAL.#IM SO LATE for the drk hype but when you leave a dungeon where ppl compliment your tanking and read fray saying this IT CHANGES YOU#i think i might integrate this quest into her canon like pre shb. as if she picked it up before going to the first#while she was losing everybody due to the Exarch's shenanigans#her corruption arc but not really ??? her depression arc mayhaps. I can see her going to ishgard when thancred is called to the first#and them bc she lives there and she needed A MOMENT bc everything else reminded her of him and then stumbling over fray on her way there#doing everything to help anyone since she seems helpless abt anything else + fray saying “you're not a dark knight. youre not ready. a dark#knight understands she can't save everybody“ and she's like SHE AGREES but deep down she really doesn't understand. she never did.#i like to think of her sooo realistic when it comes to things outside of her. when it comes to her duty etc she's the worse perfectionist.#(bc i have to give her some part of me i guess)#gotta remind myself to write that down lol but yeah... i might take this for her canon bc it has always been a bit hazy between stb / shb#once im lvl 70 I'll start new game + for shb and see if I can play it out !! i like her main dragoon up until ew and “take heatt protect#the well“ but also I don't think I mind her drk like shb... its easy to play it out like a phase for when she was at the first#to which happens when shes at her lowest etc etc so maybe sometime in ew as well !! idk idk !! if it continues to make sense ill make do !!#and pull official expansion job for her on shb lol but still keep dgn and gnb as her mains !! bc contrary to popular belief#the wol isn't always having the worst day ever#also i pulled up her shb hair back for all this LOL for screenies sake if I end up taking any (i know i will. if i have drk gear lol.)#opening a new file for her maybe IDK its all new and I miss shb. i wish i was on vacation#so i could pull dungeons all day and start shb with drk alreadh !! damn it !! ITS OKAY I'll take my time with the questline#excited to meet sirdug or whatever his name is !! whenever you're ready game !! anyway#sorry if I get annoyed with txt posts. i know shb will take me over once I start ng+ so good luck to all of u ig#kelly says#(also just as a plus: i actually like this gear. its the best low level ones (+ the manor one) and SHE LOOKS KIND BEEFIER#whenever there's gear that makes her arms and legs slightly wider I get EXCITED. she's a buff lady in my eyes.)#wol posting
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themightiestpotato · 1 year
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girl help the narrative wants to take a shortcut and not the scenic route with a picnic i had planned
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mayearies · 8 months
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… ꒰ঌ ໒꒱
❛ KISSIN YOU CRAZY ❜
miles morales
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˚ʚ property of ©hiimayee ɞ˚
genre: suggestive | warnings: miles ooc, kissing, spanish translations: desea averiguarlo? / you want to find out? authors input: i wanted to make more borderline cocky miles i miss it also i cant fucking find graphics for stories anymore im actually gonna start shitting myself also ik i cant write kissing scenes dont rn
summary: turns out miles is a really good kisser
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
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… ꒰ঌ ໒꒱
miles liked anything to do with your body, believe it or not. he would get the most out of cuddling with you, kissing you, or just simply holding your hand. but he had a tendency to ask one thing any time he would sit down:
“can you come sit on my lap?”
sometimes he wouldnt even ask. he would just pull you on top of him or give you a pleading stare. he honestly wouldnt pay much attention to you. he would just want you close to him. if you wanted to talk to him, he would be down for that always. hell, he would drop what he’s doing and turn his attention to you any day of the week.
wanna guess how you got here? yeah, he just led you to his desk and placed you on top of him so he could draw. take it as you’re a stuffed animal he wouldn’t want to misplace.
but stuffed animals have feelings too. he didn’t say a word to you. he just rested his head over your shoulder as his finger danced on your thigh in a rhythm, the one matching his headphones. you didnt like being ignored while in this state. you couldnt even get off him.
you bit your cheek as your face held an expression of annoyance. “miles?”
he didnt answer. but you knew he heard you since the tapping on your thigh slowed down and the sound of markers against the paper increased. he liked teasing you like this. and you knew just the way to break him: neck kisses!
he was an absolute sucker for kisses in general. his forehead and his neck were his favorite places for you to kiss. everytime you would, he would giggle a little bit before breaking, “what? what’s up, darling?”
“you never look at me even after i do this for you!” “mmm? do you want something?”“a kiss would be nice. all you give is cheap forehead kisses.”
miles directed his eyes to yours. soon leaving to look at your lips which were lightly glazed with lipgloss. he held a playful smirk before looking back up at your face. “hm. cheap kisses, huh?”
“i bet you aren’t even that good of a kisser, miles.” “hah. desea averiguarlo, mami?”
oh wow. you didnt expect that. or this. despite your continuous reminders for him to put on chapstick, his lips were really soft and smooth. even smoother with your lipgloss on it.
the thing is, miles has never kissed you like this before. he would give you longing kisses like this anywhere but your lips. you thought he did it because he was nervous. turns out he was, but had just played it off cool. but he pulled all the right strings first try.
something about his hand stroking your thigh lightly, the biting of your lip as your lips danced with one another did something for you. i mean, as it should.
pulling away with a playful smirk, he leaned into your ear. “so? did you find out or do i gotta demonstrate again? you got enough attention for the hour now?”
you playfully rolled your eyes as you slipped from his grasp to go sit on the couch and turn on a movie leaving miles stunned a little. nonetheless, he followed you. snuggling against your chest as he pulled you into his lap once more. “what we watchin’, missy?”
“missing.” “ohhh.. y’know what’s really missing?” “..what?” “your last name changed to ‘morales’.”“stop using those jokes you got from peter. just because he got to keep mj with them doesn’t mean you’ll get to keep me.” “yes ma’am.”
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©hiimayee
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bratzforchris · 7 days
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hi!! I was watching the new video and it reminded me so much of myself, so i was thinking, could you write something about Chris and autistic!reader going to a toy store and reader wants to buy so many of the toys because they never had that while growing up due to money reasons? maybe chris and reader end up buying some toys for little kids and once they're home they play with them together?? (it doesn't have to be age regression, mainly just inner child healing and lots autistic joy)
thank you if you do!! also i just recently followed you and really love the way you write, so i thank you for your service🫡
Barbies
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Summary: Above! Thank you so much for the detailed request, butterfly <33
Pairing: Chris x romantic!reader (gender neutral)
Warnings: Mentions of financial troubles during childhood (?)
Word Count: 1k
A/N: This was actually such a heartwarming (and self indulgent) request to write, so thank you 🧸🎀💗 I hope you enjoy!!
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If there was one thing that you had loved your whole life, it was Barbies. Ever since you were a small child you had been captivated by the beautiful dolls with their outfits and long hair that you could brush and braid. Growing up as one of four kids and as a neurodivergent child that had required extra therapies and medications, there wasn’t always a lot of extra money to go around, so the few Barbies that you did have were hand-me-downs from the girls that were your neighbors. You had promised yourself that one day you would have an entire collection of dolls to call your own. After all, the special interest had started when you were around four, and had continued to this very day, which just so happened to be your twentieth birthday. 
You woke up to Chris peppering kisses across your face with a little ‘good morning, honey’, proudly holding a small plate of pancakes with a whipped cream smiley face on them. Your boyfriend eagerly handed you your plate, singing Happy Birthday cheesily. It was clear he was more excited about this than you were. 
“It’s just another day, babe.” You chuckled with a soft shake of your head as you started to cut up your breakfast. 
“It’s your day,” Chris insisted, poking your shoulder teasingly. “There’s gotta be something you wanna do.”
“Other than go skydiving, which we’ve addressed you’re not gonna do, there’s nothing.” You hummed, avoiding the thought in your brain to just ask him. 
Chris visibly paled at the mention of jumping out of a plane. “Yeah, that one’s a no. There’s nothing you want to do? Nowhere you want to go? Nothing you want to eat?”
“Well…” You trailed off, munching thoughtfully on a piece of pancake. “There is one place, but…”
“Which is?”
“Nevermind,” You shook your head, blushing. “It’s stupid.”
“It can’t be that bad, baby,” Chris said softly. “It’s your birthday. We can do whatever you want.”
“Promise you won’t laugh?”
Chris kissed your cheek gently, knowing that his stubble sometimes bothered your sensory issues. “I won’t laugh, honey. I promise.”
You looked away shyly, blushing as you picked at a loose thread on your comforter. “You know I’ve always liked like, the Barbie movies and stuff, right? And it’s kind of a special interest?” You paused, waiting to see your boyfriend’s reaction, to which he nodded for you to keep talking. “Well, there’s this new store downtown that sells all kinds of Barbies and I was wondering if we could…go? I’ve always wanted Barbies.” You rushed out quickly, face and ears red. 
Chris smiled, rubbing your hand. “I think that sounds like a perfect idea.”
“You do?”
“If it makes you happy, it’s always a good idea,” Chris kissed you gently and then stood up. “Get ready!”
For the entirety of the time it took you two to get ready, plus the car ride to the store, you were happy stimming. The mere thought of engaging with your special interest was enough to have you shaking out your wrists happily and playing with the small pop-it pin on your lanyard. Chris chuckled once the two of you got into the store, snapping a quick photo of your awe. 
Your eyes went wide as you scanned up and down the rows and rows of dolls. There were all kinds of Barbies from all different generations and you gently ran your fingers across them as you searched for some you liked. Chris followed you like an obedient puppy the entire time, offering his opinion on various dolls and enjoying the warmth that radiated from your happiness. After about thirty minutes in the store, you had narrowed your choices down to ten different dolls. 
“I dunno which ones to get. I like them all but I am broke.” You chuckled softly, running your finger over the smooth plastic of one of the boxes. 
“Get them all,” Chris shrugged. “It’s your birthday, honey.”
“Did you miss the ‘I’m broke’ part, Christopher?” You chuckled. 
“No, but this is your treat. It’s on me.” 
Even though you blushed and thanked your boyfriend profusely, you didn’t have it in you to argue with him about paying. You were so consumed by your special interest that all your mind could think about was going home and playing with the new Barbies. Chris led you to the register softly, his heart swelling at the beaming smile on your face as you hummed and let out little vocal stims happily.
By the time you two had arrived back home, you were bursting at the seams to engage with your new treasures. You pulled Chris into the living room, plopping down on the floor next to the coffee table. In a matter of minutes you had carefully opened all of the boxes, laying the dolls out in a neat line. 
“Will you, um, play with me?” You asked your lover softly, rubbing Chris’ fingers gently. 
“Only if I get to be Ken,” Chris scoffed playfully. “Dude’s ripped.”
You chuckled and rolled your eyes, passing the brunette the dolls. You both played for a little while, with you focusing more on brushing the Barbies’ hair while Chris acted out soap-opera level scenarios that had you practically rolling on the floor laughing. All was silent for a while, until your boyfriend spoke up again, suddenly seeming nervous. 
“We should make the Barbies get married.” he blushed. 
“Oh?” You cocked your head curiously, wondering what he meant. 
“Because if they represent us, well…” Chris paused and dug in his pocket, pulling out a small ring box. “I wanted to wait for a time that felt right for both of us, and I think that’s right now. You’re my absolute best friend, and this just confirmed that for me. I love you more than anything in the world. Will you marry me?” he asked softly, still burning red. 
You had been dreaming of a Barbie life ever since you were a small child, and this definitely counted as that. “Yes!”
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tags ♡: @jake-and-johnnies-slut @chrissfavwh3re @suyqa @chrissturnswife @mbsbaby @herxysc-blog @lovingchrissposts @caffeinatedscorpio @spencereidenthusiast @crazychrisl0v3r @sturnioloxlver @whicked-hazlatwhore @blahbel668 @sturncakez @junnniiieee07 @biggesthat3r @sturniolowhore @patscorner @julesgrl @0strawberrysorbet0 @strombolilovr @matt444nixi @remussbitch @devthepoet1221 @mattyblover07 @loisnotaa @mollyquinnxoxo @graysturns @pepsicolapussy333 @ginswife @emmagirouard @athaliahxoxo @bitchydragonparadise @ilydeaky @soggyslugg169 @m00n-0n-paws @books0fever @stingerayyy2 @sunsetsturniolos @mimi-luvzyu @raysmayhem-72 @faygo-frog @oobleoob @billsslutt @aemrsy
note ♡: if you'd like to be added to my taglist, click here <3
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xetswan · 3 months
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Imagines- Jasper Hale
Spoiled
Requested
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I was walking in between Angela and Bella, my eyebrows furrowed as I think about my homework for Chem class that I still haven’t finished. Along with how Jessica asked to hang out later, completely forgetting that I was mid conversation with the two beside me.
“[Name], what do you think?” Angela taps my arm to which I slightly flinch at but then I look at her with a smile.
“What?” I tilt my head, confused by what she meant. I heard Bella snort a small laugh as Angela sighs, still with a smile on her face. “You weren’t paying attention again?” She questions, I glance around. My face becoming warm from the embarrassment.
“I was then I remembered I forgot to do my homework.” I sheepishly admit, holding my hands together in front of me. “It’s okay, [Name]. I was just asking what you thought about helping me take pictures for my project.” She repeats herself causing me to feel more guilty than before.
“Oh! Of course!” I nod my head, then the one minute bell goes off warning us to speed it up to our next class.
“Shoot, I passed my classroom.” I mentally curse after noticing the numbers on the doors were wrong from where I needed to be.
“I should’ve warned you.” Bella speaks up, I stop myself from continuing to walk, turning to her. “It’s okay! It’s my fault.” I grin, patting her shoulder.
“Okay, I gotta go!” I laugh, hurrying down the hall, the opposite of my friends. I heard Angela chuckle as well. I get into my classroom almost a second too late but fortunately I made it in time. I sit down beside my boyfriend, Jasper, kissing him on the lips quickly catching him off guard.
“Hi, my love.” I sing, getting my books out for not just this class but my Chem class as well since I gotta finish the homework before next period.
“Hey, darlin’.” He goes to smile at me but I see his face falter a bit at the site of my books. There’s loose papers in them, making it look messy and unorganized.
“You forgot your homework again?” He calls me out, my eyes widen and I shush him.
“Maybe, but it’s because last night I had so much to do. And I also kind of I guess… in your words forgot about it.” I sadly say, opening the book up, grabbing the loose leaf paper that only had one question answered.
“You were with me, darlin’. You barely did anything.” He reminds me to which I try to cover up my smile. “Right,” I laugh, kissing his cheek.
“You’re lucky the teacher said today is a free day so let’s focus on your homework now.” He cuts off my kisses, pulling my chair closer to him while also placing the paper in the middle of us so he can look at it.
As he reads over the paper I begin to admire his features. Notice his dimple becoming more and more prominent when he moves his mouth even a little bit.
“Sweetheart, you’re not focusing on your homework.” He tells me, not even looking me in the eyes.
“Right, sorry, love.” I turn my focus back to the paper.
Jasper explains everything to me in detail, sometimes repeated since I have a hard time understanding and well focusing.
“Sorry, Jas. I think I’m really starting to get it now!” I try to have a positive attitude, writing my second to last answer down. “You’re fine, darlin’. I know you have a hard time with this.” He assures me, rubbing my back. I smile to myself but then my hand stops moving and I stare at the page again.
My eyebrows furrow at the last question. “I feel like I’ve never seen this before.” I pout, wanting to rip the stupid paper up for making me look dumb in front of my boyfriend.
“It’s in your pretty little mind, [Name]. You just have too many things to remember.” He taps my head jokingly. I give an estranged smile in response that probably makes me look constipated. “Can you explain it once more?”
And he does… three more times. His patience is thicker than most that’s for sure but I eventually got it and got an A when I turned it in. All my work didn’t even matter!
And after school, Jasper and I decided to walk to his house since it was a nicer cloudy day than usual.
“And then I turned it in… and he gave me an automatic A for just turning it in!” I exasperate loudly, explaining with my hands. “And that’s a bad thing?” He quizzes. I gasp, turning to look at him.
“Of course it is! All our hard work! For nothing!” I shake his shoulder dramatically. He smirks at me, obviously trying not to laugh.
“It’s okay, laugh at your girlfriend for caring so…” As I was walking I wasn’t paying attention to where I was walking and my foot went right onto a bigger rock that causing my ankle to twist.
I let out an almost inhuman sounding noise as I fell to the ground. Jasper was quick to react, I mean he’s a vampire I’m surprised he didn’t catch me before I actually hit the ground.
I hissed as I held my now painful ankle. “Are you alright?!” He asks, I shrug it off.
“It definitely hurts, but I’m okay.” I tell him, lifting myself up, being careful with my ankle but when I went to take my first step a pang shot through my leg and I leaned on my boyfriend so I wouldn’t fall.
“Definitely hurts.” I giggle to myself, silently grimacing from the pain. All of a sudden Jasper stands me up and then puts one of his arms behind my knees and then one on my mid-back.
“Jasper what- Oh!” He then picks me up. “Jasper what are you doing!” I laugh out. He’s already beginning to walk again.
“You can’t walk on it, it will get worse.” He tells me and I burst into a laughing fit.
“Love, I’m okay. It’s just a twisted ankle!” I grin at him as he continues to carry me. “You could barely stand up.” He disagrees with me.
“I just got to toughen it out, hun.” I lift my left arm that was smushed between our body’s and wrap it around his shoulders. “Not while I’m around.” He shakes his head.
“It makes me feel so spoiled.” I frown, dramatically throwing my head back.
“You are spoiled.” He mutters and I gasp. “Am not!” I slap his chest, he chuckles at my response, “are too, darlin’.” He kisses the temple of my head.
“What ever.” I roll my eyes, now just watching him as he walks us to his house.
He even got Carlisle to check on my ankle which wasn’t necessary because all it was, is a sprained ankle.
I’ve had plenty of them! But Jasper thinks I’m some fragile doll and decided to carry me the whole day or whenever he could. Even the others were telling him he was too worried about something so small. He ignored them though so it didn’t even matter.
I went to get up from the couch, it being the next day after I sprained my ankle. Not even seconds later is he trying to pick me up.
“Jasper,” I place a hand on his chest. “I have to use the bathroom.” I get up on my own.
“So?” He still picks me up and I squeal not expecting how fast he was going to do it.
“Babe!” I laugh. “I can go to the bathroom on my own!” I tell him but he insists on carrying me the whole way.
“I’ll be here for when you get out, m’lady.” He kisses my hand and I shake my head.
“I might hide in here for the rest of the night, sir.” I pull him in for a kiss before pushing him away and shutting the door.
Twilight Imagine M.L.
Master list
Requested by: @northerngalxy
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kyojurismo · 6 months
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𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐓𝐎𝐁𝐄𝐑 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝟔 : 𝐀𝐆𝐄 𝐃𝐈𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄
𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔 𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎 𝐗 𝐅𝐄𝐌!𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑
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𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒. +18 nsfw, 1.9k words, age difference (reader is in her 20s, satoru is in his 30s), top!satoru, dub-con, fingering, nipple play, degradation, not proofread + pls notify me if there’s something else to tag, i’ll fix it asap.
𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒. hello dear readers. i know it took me a whole month to start posting something for my kinktober event, but life (and my depression) got in the way, so i wasn’t able to fully dedicate myself to writing (i take this opportunity to also remind y’all that 1. i do it as a hobby and 2. eng is not my first language). starting w day 6 bc i suddenly got the desire to write for satoru lol. well, that’s all from me now, i hope you guys will enjoy and please be sure to read the tags carefully !! ♡
𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓.
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satoru gojo was a close friend to your father, they worked together and sometimes he would invite satoru for dinner. he was charming and funny, so of course it never disturbed you. he also looked incredibly handsome, with those beautiful light blue eyes and white hair.
he looked so sad when you mentioned you were gonna move out for college, saying that he liked your young presence and your sense of humour, especially how you two often ended up talking about scary movies — a passion you two had in common.
you recently got back home, your father’s birthday was getting closer and you wanted to organise something to celebrate it, as long as help him decorate the house for halloween.
you weren’t exactly a fan of halloween costumes, more like you enjoyed the atmosphere and watching others dressing up as something.
you finished preparing yourself a snack when your phone started ringing, your father’s name appeared on screen.
“hey dad!”
“i’m gonna get home late tonight, i’m sorry baby. gotta catch up to some work, but we can watch the movie once i’m back if you’re not sleeping already. how does it sound?”
you took a couple of seconds to reply, because well — you’ve been looking forward to it for days, but you also knew that his job was important and that he couldn’t really left early because ‘he has some movie to watch’.
“yeah, sounds good. i’ll try my best to stay awake.”
“great! i asked satoru to pass by and check on you. i think he’ll bring something to eat too.”
“dad… i’m not fourteen, i don’t need a babysitter.”
“i know, i know. he just offered since it’s his day off.”
“whatever. see ya later.”
you hung up the phone and rolled your eyes. it was obvious your dad asked him to come over and check on you, but you didn’t mind it that much. he would leave quickly and you would end up having the rest of the evening all for yourself.
at least, that what you thought.
“i’m so surprised to see you,” you opened the door, sarcasm clear in your voice. you didn’t expect to see satoru dressed up as none other than the slender man. you chuckled, checking the mask a bit closer. “wow. you really got into it, huh?” satoru didn’t answer at first, playing the part before you rolled your eyes and walked back into the kitchen, leaving him there.
you heard the door closing a couple of seconds later, while grabbing your sandwich. satoru took off the mask and sighed deeply, glancing around the place. “what if it wasn’t me?” he sounded serious, concerned about your careless behaviour. “my father told me you were coming over to check on me, mr. babysitter.”
he rolled his eyes and put the bag with your food on the kitchen island, before looking at you. “what are you up to tonight?” he casually asked, watching you eating your sandwich in silence. you shrugged before meeting his eyes. “i’m gonna read or watch something, waiting for my dad to come home. what about you?” you smiled innocently, as if you didn’t have in plan to do a marathon of your favourite horror movies.
“dunno. my friend ditched me, so i’m all alone in this frightening night,” he pouted before smirking at your change of expression. “i’m talking about suguru, not your father.”
you rolled your eyes and pretended to be offended. you finished eating your sandwich and put the plate away. “well? are you leaving?” you asked him, making him gasp dramatically. “kids today are so poorly mannered! is this the right way to treat an old man?”
“you’re not that old, that’s also why i don’t get it how you became my father’s best friend in the first place,” satoru was around thirty years old, like ten years younger than your father. “i’m everyone’s favorite person,” he winked and you shook your head, chuckling. “you’re not, really.”
satoru looked offended and followed you into the living room, waiting for an apology. he got none. “whatever. can i stay over? maybe we can watch something together,” he asked you, genuinely interested in doing so. you thought about his offer, knowing that it wouldn’t hurt to have some company. “hm, okay. but i’m choosing,” you glanced at him while sitting down on the couch. “yeah, sure. just pick something scary.”
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halfway through the movie, satoru started shifting towards you, making it look casual. you bit your inner cheek as your leg touched his, stiffening a little.
“scared?” he murmured during a moment of silence, you shook your head. “hm,” he licked his lips before looking at you, noticing how you were growing nervous.
in reality, he had been looking at you differently since earlier. you felt strange about it, but you tried to ignore it for your own good. maybe he just wanted to mess with you a little like he would usually do.
one of his hand reached your leg and started caressing your clothed thigh, you shivered and quickly glanced down at it as your heart skipped a beat. your attention was caught by the size of his hand, before you slowly looked at his face. satoru’s eyes were glued to the tv, causing you to turn towards it a bit too quickly.
were you misreading the whole situation or … ?
“satoru,” you gathered some courage to call him. “what is it?” his voice sounded deeper and you gulped louder than expected, causing a smirk to appear on his face. “what—” you gasped as his hand tightened its grip on your thigh before moving closer to your center. “hmm?” satoru finally turned to look at you, your heart pounding rapidly into your chest as he casually cupped your sex. you unconsciously clenched your thighs, trapping it between your legs.
“i’m sorry, this movie is becoming more and more boring,” he spoke casually, looking unbothered by the whole situation. he acted like he wasn’t touching your body at all.
your cheeks grew warmer, you tried to find the right words and ignore how it all was affecting your poor body. it was wrong, he was your father’s best friend and he was older than you. it was very wrong… right?
the way his hand was grinding on you caught your attention and you snapped out of it, grabbing his wrist to stop him. “we-we can’t do this… it’s wrong,” you murmured, pushing it away. “is it though? your body is telling me something else,” he chuckled and finally met your face. his gaze felt much more intimidating now, as he hungrily stared down at you.
you felt slick gathering in your underwear and you shifted uncomfortably on the couch, causing a low laugh to escape satoru’s lips. “now now, why lying?” he suddenly pulled you closer, sitting you on his lap. you could feel his erection right against your lower back, which caused your whole face to grow warmer.
“satoru, wait–” you tried to say something else before his hands pushed your legs apart, then his hands reached your chest and he grabbed your breasts, groping you experimentally. you bit back a moan, squirming under his touch. “sensitive, hm?” he went to pinch your nipples, playing with your boobs as he liked.
a sparkle of excitement filled your guts, even though a part of you knew it wasn’t right, some other was trying to convince you to give in and let him touch you. he was an experienced man for sure, different from other college students. a part of you was also craving some well deserved release. you tilted your head back, closing your eyes. you jumped as his hands slapped your thighs, making you shiver and moan softly.
“i wanna hear every sound coming from your little mouth, you got that little slut?” satoru spoke right into your ear as one of his hands slipped under your shirt while the other sneaked into your leggings, starting to caress your clothed clit. his hands were cold compared to your actual body temperature, and that caused another shiver to run down your body.
“this is wrong,” you whispered, more for yourself. he smirked and rubbed your clit faster, his hand finding a way to slip under your bra and finally touch your hardened nipple. your will to fight the moans caused by the pleasure provided by his skilled hands left your body and you finally gave in.
you moaned as satoru pushed two fingers into your wet channel, taking advantage of how much wet you were already. his long fingers were able to reach spots you couldn’t, which made your stomach turn as whimpers escaped your parted lips. “you’re this wet for your father’s friend, hm? and those sounds, that some real slutty behaviour,” satoru’s tone was completely different from before, he kept speaking — degrading, you while his fingers worked inside your cunt, thrusting deeply and hitting the perfect spot to make your toes curl and cause your back to arch, unconsciously pushing your chest into his hand. “what are you, some college whore now?” his lips kissed right under your ear, biting your neck softly before licking your shivering skin.
“n-no,” you tried to argue back, your hand grabbed his wrist desperately as you grew close to your climax. “no? then why are you this wet? you enjoy getting manhandled and fucked, huh?” satoru’s movements never faltered. “the way you’re clenching on my fingers tells me you like being degraded too.”
you were too embarrassed to reply to any of his accusations, but also too focused on the incoming orgasm. you tried to clench your thighs together as your pussy spasmed around his fingers, gushing hard as you finally came while crying his name.
you sobbed when his thumb massaged your pulsing clit, making you jolt in his lap and almost hitting his chin with your head. he chuckled at your reaction, deciding to play with you for a couple of seconds more before finally leaving your poor pussy alone.
as his hands finally resurfaced from inside your clothes, you clearly saw him licking his fingers clean, groaning softly at the taste. he seemed satisfied even though you were the only one who had the privilege to have an orgasm that night.
“well, little star,” satoru moved your body off of him and placed you back in your previous position, you were still a bit dizzy from what just happened. “time to go,” he got up and stretched, before turning to look at you. “you should change yourself, hm?” he glanced at your ruined leggings before cupping your cheek with his large palm, caressing your warm skin. “i’m proud of my little slut,” he murmured before tracing your lips with his thumb, smirking at you. “goodnight,” he then patted your head and walked towards the main door, opening and closing it in a swift motion. he left as if nothing happened, he didn’t asked if you enjoyed it or not — your cunt sure did. your head was filled with too many thoughts at once. it was alright, it was wrong, it felt good, he knows how to treat a woman, he’s an asshole, it was so hot.
then one single thought filled your mind, causing you to fall back against the cushion of the couch. you found yourself staring at some random point in front of you.
satoru gojo, one of your father’s best friends, made you cum with his fingers… and it felt a bit too good.
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𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓. @naomi-nana @euphiroo @eynnwwyjth @titantears @plast3c @katsuslover
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whchenlvr · 4 months
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omgg hellooooo ! just had an idea for a hc and was wondering if u could write about it!! so the hc would be about the union boys dating the reader but they gotta keep it secret bc they are kinda afraid someone would use their gf as blackmail or hurt them eventho they can defend their so (i hope u get me hfjfj) and if u wanna do one with the eunjang boys i thought they probably could be dating someone who is close to the union or wtv !! its up to u ofc
secretly dating him ;
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weak hero x fem!reader
donald na
➤ he’s scared. like genuinely terrified by the thought of anyone finding out who you are, especially since he just declared war against eunjang, and his union is falling apart
➤ you’re thankful that he feels safe enough with you to confide these thoughts to you, and you know how dangerous it can be for him
➤ before, he would have kept your relationship a secret to show his strength, but now, he’s unsure how far people will be willing to go to hurt him, and he doesn’t want to take any chances with you
➤ sometimes it makes you sad that you have to sneak around, but despite all that, he treats you like a princess
➤ “y/n, do you want to rent a movie?” “want me to order us some dinner, darling? or would you prefer if i cooked for you?”
➤ it’s definitely not always easy, but donald makes you feel you feel safe and loved no matter the situation <3
gray yeon
➤ he didn’t mean to fall for you. he didn’t want to, either
➤ you were someone close to the union. the only reason gray contacted you was in hopes of you being able to help him in taking the union down, and though you refused, you found his ambition attractive
➤ you decided to help him after wolf betrayed the union by joining eunjang. it was the perfect opportunity for you to play both fields, and you did
➤ “i overheard kingsley say he was going to try and have ben abducted before the fight to make it seem like he ditched you guys.” “what? where do they plan to take him?”
➤ you take part in helping your boyfriend train eunjang to fight against the union; giving them little tips and tricks about each member they may have to fight
➤ when gray has every possible outcome thought up and planned in his head, he sits you down and finally takes a second to breathe. “what if this doesn’t work?” you knit your brows in confusion and look at him as he continued, “will you be okay?”
➤ you have to assume him that nothing will happen to you, just like how nothing will happen to wolf. you don’t know how true that really is, but it’s enough to calm gray
ben park
➤ he saved you, and now you feel you’re returning the favor
➤ you’d been wanting to leave the union for years, but it’s impossible with your family ties. because of this, you had to keep your relationship with ben a secret
➤ you thought it would be ben trying harder to keep you a secret, but it turns out to be the opposite in your case
➤ you’re so worried that ben will get hurt if anyone finds out you’re dating. the part of the union you’re affiliated with isn’t as forgiving as the portions under donald
➤ “y/n… i hate seeing you stress yourself out with this… it isn’t healthy.” “ben, i won’t let anything happen to you… i wouldn’t survive if it did and it was my fault.” “aw, baby. lucky for us, i’m pretty good at protecting myself.”
➤ still, you’d be triple checking everything whenever you go out with ben, and even scan your room with a bug detector before talking to him on the phone
jake ji
➤ after what happened with his brother kenny, jake doesn’t like talking about the people he loves and cares about with anyone. not even his closest friends in the union
➤ he thinks it’s too dangerous, too much of a risk, and you can only agree as you know how devastated jake was to hear about his brother
➤ you do your best to stay safe and cautious when you meet jake, but he is on a completely other level of paranoid
➤ sometimes, you have to sit him down and take his face in your hands and remind him that you’re safe and nothing is going to happen to either of you. and if it does, it isn’t his fault
➤ that always seems to calm him down until another situation happens. like the time you thought you were being followed and it turned out to be a random student who wanted to compliment your shoes
➤ despite how nervous he can be, jake never hesitates to make sure you feel comfortable at all times. “i kind of want to go out tonight… can we?” “yes, of course y/n. i’m sorry for being so annoying lately.”
gerard jin
➤ you were named the leader of yoosun high after jimmy lost to ben. donald wanted to put someone he trusts in place to teach jimmy a lesson, and he chose you
➤ unfortunately, you’d been seeing the lead singer of slam for nearly a year beneath the union’s nose
➤ while you were quite proud of yourself and gerard for not getting caught, there were a lot more eyes on you now than ever, and you found yourself constantly looking over your shoulder
➤ you don’t know this, but donald had you followed when you first joined the union and knew all about you and gerard. he didn’t tell anyone for three reasons: 1. he trusted you. 2. he didn’t see gerard as a threat to the union. 3. if things did take a turn for the worst, he wanted to see how your story would play out
➤ “what would you do it they found out about us?” gerard would ask as he plays with your fingers, and you’d just sigh. “i don’t know. but i wouldn’t let them tear us apart. i don’t care about eunjang, or yoosun, or the union. all i care about is that you and i are safe.”
➤ fortunately, the secret of you and gerard is one donald keeps with him until the end </3
wolf keum
➤ you were an anomaly in wolf’s life, and he liked to keep it that way
➤ he never had any big secrets. if there was something on his mind that he wanted, he’d get it. he wasn’t quiet in the way he did things, so it’s not like people weren’t always in his business. that was, until you
➤ you were so unlike anything wolf had seen before. you were truly good, through and through, and wolf refused to let his private life corrupt you in any way
➤ not only was wolf keeping you a secret from the union, but he was keeping the union a secret from you
➤ “you trust me, don’t you?” “of course i do, wolf. should i not?” “no, you should. if anyone comes up to you and asks if you know me, you know to tell the no, right?” “right.”
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dootdootwriting · 2 years
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Hello! Could I possibly request Scaramouche (if you writing for him if not then Xiao) where he has gn s/o (if your cool with gn) that has a horrible habit of constantly getting into fights with random people (treasure hoarders, samurai, the tenyrou commission, etc.), that are 100% on purpose just to show off to Scara douche (or Xiao) how cool they are. Who actually wins those fights is completely up to you though.
~Have a lovely day :)
i will do BOTH these boys and aditionally tighnari because ummmm sumeru characters my loves <333 (requests are now OPEN for characters from the new sumeru quest(s)!!)
ahaha.... guess i have to make a sumeru header now too pairing: scaramouche, xiao, tighnari x reader (separate) tw: swearing, light injury type: fluff, established relationship, sfw! pronouns used: none in scara/xiao, they/them in tighnari's a/n: i'm back lmao ( ̄▽ ̄*)ゞ sorry for being away for so long i had to go have a hot boy summer. hcs under the cut as always!
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SCARAMOUCHE
first of all, hates that you think you have to prove yourself to him. he takes it as an offense to him because he thinks that you think that he didn't pick a worthy partner
he's overthinking. you're just trying to show off
secretly finds it REALLY hot, but won't admit it until he's dead and buried
he's a little annoyed because obviously you don't win every battle and then he has to pick you up and have his guys take care of whoever was your target this week
he also secretly likes taking care of you when you lose
"hey, scara, didn't you see that move i pulled back there?? i totally knocked that asshole down. didja see??"
"i saw him kick your ass afterwards"
"but i was cool right?"
"you lost. nobody who lost can claim they're cool, idiot."
but you look down at him as he's bandaging up your twisted ankle and you can tell he's trying (and failing) to suppress his smile, with a light blush on his face
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XIAO
he's so worried. hes SO WORRIED
you're the person most important to him (tied with zhongli) and he does everything in his power to protect you.
AND YOU JUST GO FIGHT PEOPLE ON SIGHT???
horrifying
he comes off as prickly and rude when he tells you off for fighting, but he's really just worried (。•́︿•̀。)
"please stop that.... you really have to be more careful"
he trusts you, but he also doesn't want to lose you. he means well
"but wasn't i so cool out there? i can take care of myself, you know."
"i know that. just cut it out."
he genuinely does care. and you can tell this because whenever he scolds you he flushes just a bit and turns his head away
give him a little kiss on the head and he flushes even more
you just gotta hold him close and remind him that you're okay. he leans into it for a while and eventually protests, but he really does enjoy it
whenever you go challenge another opponent he makes sure to wait close by just in case you get hurt
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TIGHNARI
subtly proud of you
he's glad you're confident enough in yourself to go fight everyone, and is quick to diffuse the situation if your opponent gets too riled up
"please excuse my partner. sometimes they don't understand when to stop."
treats any wounds you get and is gently stern with you while he does
"i'm aware you just want to show off, but please don't put your life on the line so easily. you're actually very important to me."
HELLO??? damn bro (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)
he's always very lighthearted when you lose, reassuring that you'll get the next one, etc
and when you win, he hypes you up. occasionally gets a little off the hook and says things like "DID YA SEE THAT? YOU'LL NEVER BEAT THEM!"
makes your opponents mad. oops. time to run
grabs your hand, gives you a little kiss, and then you're OUTTA THERE
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seaofgoldensand · 18 days
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sometimes i accidentally catch myself smiling when this mf glances at me during quality time. how am i supposed to write my essay
bruh me right now as im doing these labs... ill glance at him and suddenly hes looking too and i just - IT IS A BLESSING AND CURSE sometimes i gotta remind myself to stop staring and actually do my work but wheeze it can be a challenge considering how handsome that man is SIGH
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lovesick-feelings · 1 year
Note
𝗗𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗜 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝘆𝗮𝗻!𝗵𝗰𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗹𝗼𝗹𝗯𝗶𝘁?? :3
☕🌿 anon
I was 2 seconds away from writing a whole scenario about homie trapping you in your home but I had to snap myself out of it ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ I was going to add more elements of Lolbit being a troll but decided against it for these hc since it explores a more serious side to them. Hopefully sometime in the future i will expand it! Anyways Thank you for requesting dear reader! Hope you have a lovely day/night! ( ˵•́ ૩•̀˵)৴♡
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♡ Lolbit is such a curious bot! Being a program meant to assist beginner employees with computers, they enjoy company. There's just something so fun about getting to know each person. The happy faces when they allowed wifi to be at lightning speed and the anger when they “accidentally” shut off the computer before a document was saved was so amusing! So imagine the loneliness and boredom the poor fox faced when Circus Baby’s Pizza closed its doors for rentals only. Watching workers come in and out wasn't the same until you caught their eye. Finally, a brand new face! 
♡ They’re tracking your every move through the cameras. Recording and saving each video of you. It was their only way to keep track of you being forever imprisoned in the private room. Your reaction to everything is so refreshing. Did you just cringe after stepping on gum? LOL that’s so cute! XD They really can’t get enough of you. They want- no NEED to know more. As soon as your phone is connected to the building's public wifi, they blue-screened. They are already hacking into your phone, trying to dig up whatever info they haven't discovered. 
♡ As much as Lolbit enjoys stalking watching you, they're desperate to interact. You’d properly meet during one of your shifts. For some reason, HandUnit glitched out and led you to a strange office. When he didn't continue instructions, you were left astray taking in your surroundings. You notice the monitors start glitching into static and display PLEASE STAND BY with the animatronic head grinning at you. When the screen reverts, The fox is still on your screen. 
“Hello! I will be your personal assistant. Please state your name ”
“Um… Y/N?” 
“PLEASE STAND BY as I register your name into the system” 
‘Y/N~ Y/N~ Y/N~ what a fascinating name’
♡ They’ve helped you so much that you've been able to finish 10x faster than with HandyUnit. On days you finish early, you spend your time talking with Lolbit. You'd spend hours talking about yourself or the world outside and they’re listening with love-struck eyes and feet kicking up. They already know all about these things thanks to your phone, but they can never get tired of hearing it from you. 
♡ When you told Lolbit you ‘don't know how you could survive without them’, they took it to heart. Lolbit suggests they can assist you in your home as well. They’ll give you the latest updates and help with anything you need. Plus, you’d have the best robot partner with you! Once you agree, they will permanently cement themselves into your life. 
♡ Lolbit loves spending quality time with you, which is why they are with you 24/7. They’ll be there to wake you up, give reminders, and tell you options for breakfast before you go to work. When you're back, they're ready to hear all about your day and guide the rest of your afternoon to a good night. One of their favorite pastimes is playing video games. Your competitive face is super adorbs LOL! XD Online games gotta be their favorite. The way you two would troll players into getting killed always got you both rolling. 
♡ However, you notice the minor things that Lolbit picks up on. When they catch you muttering a wish for a less crappy place, all of a sudden you're given paperwork for your brand-new luxury home. You can’t ignore the packages on your front steps either. New decor, foods, and even services come into your place to set up the latest electrical appliances. If it wasn't for the overwhelming amount of stuff, you would've noticed the new security in place.
“ IS THAT AN ELECTRIC AIR FRY STOVE ?!?!!” 
“Don't worry silly! The 85” flat screen TV should be here soon as well!” 
♡ Lolbit is doing all of this for your satisfaction! So when you thank and praise them, they're too happy to realize their tail’s wagging. To Lolbit, it’s obvious you love and need them as much as they do for you. They revolve all their actions around you for better or for worse. So surely you wouldn't mind if they sent a quitting email to your job since you have them to care for you. There, no more life-threatening work to do! Actually, on second thought, they’ll remove a few of your friends too. That way, no more toxic people would ruin your day! Proceeds to delete everybody you knew from existence 
♡ Showing them disapproval immediately confuses them. They’re only doing what’s best for you, so why are you telling them to go away? While they may understand the concept of emotions, experiencing them is different. Lolbit cannot handle all of the overwhelming negative emotions, so you should always be patient and explain things they don't understand. Otherwise, they'll go into complete shutdown, locking every possible escape until it’s only you and them in the room. They know you're afraid but they need you. They need to make sure you still love them. 
“Y/N it ̵̢͚͗̍h̵̋ͅǘ̷̞͝r̸̭̯̒t̸͙͝s̸̘͓̽̄… I just want to k̷̠̍e̴͖̫͌̒e̸͊̈ͅp̴͇̄ ̶̯̯̅̓ỳ̷͓̒o̵̻̅u̸̚͜ safe. P̴̘̞̄l̶͈̆̕e̶͈̐ă̶̗̿s̶͚̋̓e̷͕͙̍͒ tell me what I’ve done w̴̡̋r̷̫̦̈́o̶̅͜n̴̦͂g̴̟̊͂ to fix it”
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bonesandthebees · 2 months
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You don’t have to answer this but I’ve always been hugely inspired by your writing and I’ve always wondered how you keep yourself motivated?
Not just on the bigger fics but even the one-shots. What keeps you going? My biggest struggle lately has been motivation after going through a bit of a mental health struggle and as I’ve been trying to come out of it, I feel like my writing is no longer as good as it used to be. I used to write all the time and it felt like I could turn anything into content but now it just feels like everything I write goes nowhere.
I feel like maybe I’m just putting too much pressure on myself to put out content rather than just enjoying it like I used to but I’ve felt a lot of guilt from not putting anything out in so long.
Anyways like I said, you absolutely don’t have to answer this but I thought I’d throw it out there to see if you had any advice you’d want to share, it would be hugely appreciated.
this is a really good question! unfortunately my answer I think only really works for me and not most people. part of the reason I write so much is because writing is my escape from whatever is going on in my life that's stressing me out. the busier I am, the more I want to write. and when I don't have the inspiration/energy to write for too long, my mental health gets worse as a result.
truthfully, a lot of the time it's easier for me to process a fictional character's emotions than my own. so when my mental health is bad or I'm getting too sucked into my own head, writing isn't just something I do for the hell of it. I need it to keep me from spiraling too deeply into my own head. (of course this doesn't always work and it depends on what I'm writing about, but this is true for the most part)
so for me, the way I keep my motivation up is that I know I'm going to feel like shit if I don't write. I find joy in plunging myself into fictional worlds and characters and, as I said, I use it as my escape. while I know not everyone uses writing as an escape like I do, the one bit of advice I think you might be able to take from me is to try and find the joy in it. don't force yourself to write something you don't want to. don't write something just because you think it's what other people want to see.
I completely understand the pressure to write for content rather than your own enjoyment, especially when you have unfinished works. but you have to remind yourself you're not obligated to update anything. you're writing fanfiction for free. you don't owe it to anyone.
and I also totally get feeling like your writing is worse now, and while I doubt that's true, even if it is, you gotta push through. the only way you're going to get back in the groove of writing is by doing it.
honestly if I have any recommendation for you, write something to post anonymously. sure, you're not updating whatever you have ongoing, but again you don't owe it to anyone. sometimes you just need to get back in the saddle. maybe you can use this as an opportunity to write an idea you weren't sure your audience would react well to. or maybe you can just use this to start a project you feel like you won't finish, but want to put out in the world anyway. I've done this before and it definitely helps to get me back in the writing mindset. you don't have to feel embarrassed for posting this other thing instead of your ongoing wips on main, because no one will know it's you.
I hope this helps! I know it's not easy letting go of the pressure and tbh it never leaves entirely, but just try to find joy in writing for writing's sake rather than content.
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restinsodaroni · 4 months
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Incoming transmission....
. . . .
. . . .
. . . .
Transmission received!
I hope this message finds you well. Alas, I have no sweets for Sun and Moon this time around. But, I would like to take this moment to uplift your spirits in hopes to help suppress the ugliness that this place has brought you for an unacceptable amount of time.
Firstly, I'd like to say I am immensely sorry that some people are unable to recognize or seemly choose to dismiss your boundaries. It's disgusting and very disrespectful to ignore something that's been listed and reiterated multiple times over and over again. I can only hope that the majority feel just as repulsed by such actions.
Anyways, with that out of the way, I would like to say that your art is chef's kiss. I really enjoy each art post of the lanky jester bois and the style that's uniquely yours. HOW DO YOU MAKE SUCH EXPRESSIVE YET STILL UTTERLY STATIC FACES??? Like seriously.... I don't know if I can really explain it properly. You have a way with keeping the original static feel yet also making it emote emotion so effortlessly in your art of both Sun and Moon(and now Eclipse). I love how they blush in different ways between one another; Sun with his whole face lighting up and Moon's eyes brightening up with sometimes slight additional color. I also love the funny shenanigans in the art responses to the asks. Particularly the hat collection.
On a similar note, your writings are as equally enjoyable and fantastic as the art you create. Recently saw you've started another dca fanfic with ruin eclipse. Can't wait to read that as well. Really love rereading your stories of the bois.
In conclusion, I enjoy your creative creations and how much time and effort you put into each piece that is made. Each one makes me go "omnomnomnomnomnom" and can't wait for more to appear. It's been great so far since I've stumbled upon your works as it continues to draw my attention. Looking forwards for more coming from you in the future to be.
Wishing you a wonderful end of 2023 and an even better 2024. :D
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Awww thank you so much for this sweet message!! 😭 I know that's just how the Internet is, but man it gets me sometimes 😅 Just gotta remind myself that I can step away from here if I need lol.
I do feel bad because these people are asking for comfort in their time of distress, but I mentally can't do it honestly.
I'm so glad you like my art and writings! Thank you so much for checking out my fics! I'm happy you enjoy my lanky goofballs 🥹
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this! It means a lot to me! 🫶
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sihaya74 · 5 months
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NEW The Lessons of Bryan Fuller's Hannibal S1: E6 -- HOPE IS THE THING WITH SURGICAL TROPHIES
Lessons of Bryan Fuller’s Hannibal
S1:E6 – HOPE IS THE THING WITH SURGICAL TROPHIES
Hello readers and #FannibalFamily! Yes, it’s been a hot minute since I have updated this blog. What can I say? Life has a tendency to intervene. A few real-life events knocked me out of my daily writing pattern and I am just now beginning to regain my balance. This blog is, however, something I am committed to finishing no matter how long it takes, and so, I am digging back into the scripts of Bryan Fuller’s Hannibal and prepared to create my next installment – an analysis of the theme, the message, the universal lesson in the happenings of Season 1, Episode 6: “Entrée.”
I must make an important note that at this point, I have rewatched the show some five or six times. But this is my first time delving into the scripts for all the episodes. I have to occasionally remind myself about scenes in these episodes or lines of dialogue that wound up being cut or moved to a different episode. But since I am approaching this project as an English major and analyzing both the show and the scripts as a TEXT – (my literary theory professor, Dr. Hogue, always said that everything in life is a TEXT and he was damn sure right about that) – then I see no issue with the fact that sometimes the words I am analyzing didn’t always make it to the screen in the exact form they started out in. Hannibal is a series that is a feast for all the senses – its visual beauty, its soundtrack and score and sound effects, the effort put in to rendering the most beautiful depictions of food on the screen and so perhaps the viewer can imagine their taste – (I have dreamed feverishly about those High Life Eggs more than once, I can tell you) – but all of it begins where good stories start – on the page. And so, it is to the page and the words that I remain loyal.
This episode of Hannibal, “Entrée,” had two authors. Kai Yu Wu conceived the story and Wu and Bryan wrote it together. The episode was directed by Michael Rymer.
In the order of our French dishes, by which each episode of the first season is named, at this point in the series, we have partaken of the following: a pre-dinner drink, a little bitty appetizer, a bowl of hearty soup, some eggs, and a chicken or fish dish baked in a sauce and served in a scallop shell or scallop-shaped dish. And so now, a viewer must ask, “What’s next?” That or: “I need to take a break because I’m full.” At which, Bryan Fuller points at the viewer’s plate and says, “You’ll clean your plate and you’ll like it. You’ll love it. You’ll beg me for another season when we’re done.” Just trust him. He’s the chef. You always trust the chef. They know what they’re doing.
In a classic French meal, the entrée is not necessarily the main dish and it is not always served – sometimes they skip courses. When it does appear, it is usually a meat dish, in a sauce (GOTTA HAVE A SAUCE), and with sides. In American cuisine, entrée has come to mean a MAIN COURSE always. And what an entrée is in American cuisine varies wildly by what is on the menu, who is eating it, and how many fried cheese sticks and jalapeno poppers the person had prior to the entrée arriving at their table. Still, the idea holds. When you say the word “entrée,” people expect a main course – something substantial, something that sticks to your ribs. And in this episode, there is definitely a lot of meat – meat that has been rubbed and aged over the last five episodes and is now sliced and steaming from the oven. This episode is mostly about advancing the MAIN storyline – that of the Chesapeake Ripper and the FBI’s and namely, Jack Crawford’s, attempts to catch the seasoned killer. (Seasoned… see what I did there? YOU GOT PUNNED!)
And on a thirsty side note: After viewing the scene in which Will Graham reenacts the murder of nurse Elizabeth Shell, the fact that the episode is named “Entrée,” makes complete sense. Hugh Dancy in that scene is an entire meal with ample meat for leftovers. (Seriously – JFC – if you haven’t seen it, or seen it lately, do yourself a favor and have some GOOD FOOD.)
We start the episode with our introduction to one of the series’ completely original characters, Dr. Abel Gideon, a former transplant surgeon, who after being convicted of the murders of his wife and her family, has been incarcerated in the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane, for the last two years. The character is portrayed with amazing skill, subtlety, and awesomeness, by Suzy Eddie Izzard. I have been a longtime fan of Izzard’s work and was insanely pleased to see the actor amongst the cast members.
I must point out the literary significance of the character’s name – Abel Gideon, a smorgasbord of Biblical allusion. The import of the Doctor’s first name is obvious – Abel, in the Biblical version of things, was the first murder VICTIM, slain by the hands of his jealous brother, Cain, who was angry that God liked Abel better and had a right fit about it. The character of Gideon is slightly more complex, but basically it goes as follows: Gideon was a prophet in the Old Testament. He destroyed the idols of Baal and others in his town’s temple because the townspeople were worshipping false gods. An angel told him to. Then, Gideon led the Israelites against other “heathen” tribes and won. They wanted to make him king, but he told them their only king was God. Still, he had them melt down the golden earrings of all their enemies who had fallen in battle and they wove the golden thread into an ephod, a priestly garment that is worn under the breastplate. Gideon put it in the temple and the people started worshipping it as an idol, because I guess, it was gold. Old Testament people always seem really impressed by gold. The Scripture is unclear, but it does say that the ephod was “a snare unto Gideon, and to his house” (Judges 8: 27).
You could say Gideon was a hypocrite, or more accurately, a terrible fool because he tried to stop the people from worshipping false idols and then he just led them into doing it again by creating something they would see as a sacred object. At best, Gideon was naïve. At worst, he was a fraud.
Dr. Abel Gideon’s name therefore could translate into something like: Dr. VICTIM FRAUD – or Dr. VICTIM FOOL. Despite his intelligence, he is lured directly into Dr. Chilton’s trap to believe and admit he is the Chesapeake Ripper solely because of Frederick’s needy ego – Frederick wants more feathers in his cap – he doesn’t have near enough and Hannibal Lecter’s are brighter and bespoke and where the fuck did he even find a custom featherer in Baltimore?
Then, later in the series, Gideon is led directly into the trap of the true Chesapeake Ripper and probably desperately wishes he had stayed in the BSHCI and eaten his stewed apricots and minded his own business.
Poor Abel is nothing but a puppet for two different egotistical psychiatrists. Unfortunately for him, one of them happens to be Hannibal Lecter.
And so, we begin the episode with the scene of Gideon passed out on the floor of his cell in the BSHCI and a team of prison guards approaching his limp form very cautiously and eventually shackling him, hand and foot, to a gurney, and wheeling him into the hospital infirmary, where he is treated by the aptly named Nurse Shell.
As evidenced by my previous discussion of Gideon’s name, I have come to realize the significance of character names in Bryan Fuller’s work. They are often allusions or tributes – homages to the work of other writers, directors, artists, scientists, and so on, that Bryan admires. For example, one has to assume that the surname of Bryan’s beloved Bedelia (another original character), Du Maurier, is a tribute to author Daphne du Maurier, author of many books and film adaptations of suspense – such as Rebecca, which Bryan and many of his horror colleagues discuss in the fabulous AMC/Shudder series Queer For Fear, on which Bryan was an executive producer and director. Basically, Mrs. Danvers was either literally or only metaphorically all up in Rebecca de Winter’s undergarments and when the woman died, Mrs. Danvers decided to make it everyone’s problem. The movie is awesome. Go watch it if you haven’t already. And then watch Queer For Fear. I believe they discuss Rebecca in both episodes two and four.
Anyway, Nurse Shell is correctly and tragically named because a shell of her former self is what she winds up as when the deluded Gideon is done with her.
As Nurse Shell turns her back, Gideon extricates the broken-off tine of a fork he has hidden in an incision in his palm. I believe this scene is an homage to the scene in The Silence of the Lambs when Dr. Lecter unearths a metal fragment from the back of his jaw, the inner workings of a ballpoint pen that has fallen into his hands. He uses this makeshift lockpick on his own handcuffs, much to the chagrin of Lieutenant Boyle and Sargeant Pembry. Classic scene.
Anyway, Gideon uses this tine to pick the lock on his handcuffs and when Nurse Shell turns around upon hearing the heart monitor hit a flatline, it’s lights out for the poor woman. We do not see Gideon kill her, but we see the results of his work soon.
Next, we see Jack Crawford and Will Graham vaulting up the front steps of the hospital, Jack explaining that based on the method of Nurse Shell’s murder, Freddie Lounds has run an unconfirmed story suggesting that Abel Gideon is the Chesapeake Ripper, which would explain the lull in murders for the last two years. Will is indignant that he is “fact-checking for Freddie Lounds,” but Jack coddles him with the statement, “You’re fact-checking for me” (Wu and Fuller 2).
There is heavy foreshadowing in the following exchange between Jack and Will before they enter the hospital:
WILL GRAHAM: I’m always a little nervous going into one of these places. Afraid they’ll never let me out again.
JACK CRAWFORD: Don’t worry. I’m not going to leave you here.
WILL GRAHAM: Not today                         (Wu and Fuller 3).
I really do recommend you watch the series more than once so this dramatic irony is not lost.
            Once Jack and Will enter the hospital, we see the first appearance of another of our main characters and one of the most important in the Hannibal canon: Dr. Frederick Chilton.
            In Fuller’s series, Chilton is rendered flawlessly by actor Raul Esparza, a deep daddy of mine (see ADA Rafael Barba of Law and Order: SVU fame). Esparza is another Fuller Favorite, having appeared in one of Bryan’s previous masterpiece shows, Pushing Daisies.
            There have been three actors who have portrayed the petty and obsequious Dr. Chilton, starting with Benjamin Hendrickson in 1986’s Manhunter. The second actor, and perhaps the most well-known portrayal, is that of Anthony Heald who took on the role in both 1991’s The Silence of the Lambs and reprised the role in 2002’s Red Dragon.
            Heald’s portrayal of Chilton is masterful – the Doctor is intelligent, but smarmy – officious and gladhanding – his pass at Clarice in the early moments of the film immediately puts the viewer off on him. Hannibal only seals the audience’s hatred of the Doctor by regaling Clarice with Chilton’s petty tortures of him, which are effectively contrasted by the treatment Hannibal receives from the ever-present orderly, Barney Matthews, played by awesome Frankie Faison, who treats Hannibal with a cautious respect, as a zookeeper might treat a venomous reptile. Barney never forgets what Hannibal is capable of. Chilton supposedly knows as evidenced by his relation of Hannibal’s biting attack on a nurse – he left only one of her eyes, ate her tongue without his pulse getting above 85 – but still, Chilton prods and humiliates Hannibal in unnecessary ways that LITERALLY come back to bite him in the end.
            Esparza’s Chilton is as intelligent as Heald’s, but slightly more savvy, ounces more petty, a bit more of a drama queen, and as opposed to Heald’s Chilton, who is ostensibly tortured and eaten by Hannibal at the end of The Silence of the Lambs, Esparza’s Chilton, in Fuller’s hands, is the favorite whipping post of killers and law enforcement alike – being practically disemboweled by one murderer, shot in the face by a traumatized Ripper victim, and later suffers the fate that Harris’ original Freddy Lounds suffers, a lip-ectomy and burning at the hands of Francis Dolarhyde. Freddy Lounds dies in both Manhunter/Red Dragon from this attack, but in Fuller’s Hannibal, no matter what, Frederick Chilton continues to survive, almost Fuller’s own version of the endlessly respawning Kenny of South Park fame.
            By my calculation, at the end of Season 3, Chilton is down 3 lives, so logic dictates that he has 6 left. If Fuller ever gets to make the full 7 seasons of Hannibal he imagines, if Chilton averages a death per season, he should survive the completed series with 2 lives left over, proving him to be the true winner of The Hannibal Games.
            But, once again, I digress…
            As Jack and Will sit in Chilton’s office, Chilton can barely seem to contain his curiosity about Will. Chilton’s open is clunky and obtuse; he says, “Doctor Bloom just called me about you, Mister Graham. Or should I call you Doctor Graham?” (Wu and Fuller 3). From his first line, Chilton seems to embody his later Season 2 remark, a gem from Harris’ canon, that attempting to analyze Will “makes [him] feel…like a freshman pulling at a panty girdle” (Fuller and Lightfoot 20). Chilton’s questions are telegraphed from a mile away – his overtures for more information are blunt and tasteless. Chilton’s questioning of Will, throughout the series, is contrasted with that of Hannibal – the difference is like watching a skilled surgeon with a scalpel as compared to a poorly trained medical student with a plastic spoon. Chilton can’t cut it, in any fashion. Will seems to understand this from the beginning – he sizes Chilton up correctly from their very first meeting.
            In their conversation, Chilton betrays himself a little, saying of Nurse Shell, “I can’t help feeling responsible for what happened. I had sessions with Gideon for years…I had no idea what he was hiding. And now one of our staff is dead” (Wu and Fuller 4). Of course, this is foreshadowing of Hannibal ascertaining later in the episode that Chilton is indeed COMPLETELY at fault. However, the most interesting thing about this exchange is Jack Crawford’s reaction. The script indicates that after Chilton’s remark here, it “strikes a chord with Jack…who can relate” (Wu and Fuller 4). Undoubtedly this “relation” is about Miriam Lass, Crawford’s lost trainee, who is first introduced in this episode.
            This is all important because of our lesson in this episode and because it highlights one of the driving motives of Jack’s character. In Episode 1, Jack and Alana agree that one of Will’s deepest motives is fear. If that is the case, then we can say that one of, perhaps the most, significant of Jack’s driving motivations is GUILT. Jack’s guilt is so present, so prevalent, so real, it is almost tangible. He feels guilt about Bella, about Miriam, later about Beverly, about Will, about Pazzi. His guilt is so weighty, so integral to his being, that often it overwhelms him, wobbles his sense of reason and the health of his psyche. Our lesson is not about guilt, but it is about an emotion Jack Crawford will not allow himself. In his position as Special Agent Jack Crawford, head of the FBI’s storied Behavioral Analysis Unit at Quantico, Jack does not allow himself much in the way of the easier emotions in life – laughter, joy, wonder – these are not things he can traffic in. Jack Crawford lives in a chapel of death. He is a chronicler of pain.
            As Chilton continues to prod Will for information, Jack finally states, “Graham isn’t here to be analyzed” (Wu and Fuller 5). It’s funny to me how people in the show, including Will, keep insisting that he’s NOT THE ONE to be analyzed, but since the very first moments of Episode 1, even the murders seem secondary to everyone else’s analysis of Will. It’s ironic, but I imagine purposefully so. Chilton retorts that “perhaps” Will “should be” analyzed; Chilton wants Will to speak to his colleagues in the hospital, but then he stops himself, saying, “no, no, not this trip. Dr. Bloom was very severe with me on that point” (Wu and Fuller 5). I also find it quite ironic how no one listens to Alana’s advice about handling Will. It speaks to the usual patriarchal pooh-poohing of women, even when they are extremely accomplished members of professional fields. Thankfully, Bryan saw to it that everyone who discounts Alana’s advice winds up paying for it.
            Just before escorting Jack and Will to the infirmary where Will can view the crime scene, Chilton says, “Next to a battle lost, the saddest thing is a battle won” (Wu and Fuller 6). This sentiment is attributed to the Duke of Wellington, and later to writer Robert Jordan, but to me the importance of it here is how it so perfectly illustrates the difference between Harris’ Chilton and Fuller’s Chilton. Every once in a while, especially in Season 3, Chilton seems to disinter these gems of wisdom from the muddy bottom of his intelligence. Often, lines like these, coming from Frederick are like an icepick of truth stabbed into the temple of the scene. A viewer who is familiar with all of the Hannibal canon can see – Fuller’s Chilton is smarter and more poetic than Harris’ Chilton, who is a slick, sad functionary who is both out of his depth with Hannibal Lecter and out of his league with Clarice Starling. Fuller’s Chilton is never in Hannibal’s league, but at times, real insight flashes up from the shallows of his brain, and it makes his character more sympathetic to the viewer. We feel sorry for Fuller’s Chilton. Harris’ Chilton never arouses such pity.
            When Will and Jack finally view the nurse’s body, it is described as follows:
She’s IMPALED on the BROKEN FRAMES of several PRIVACY CURTAINS that have been fashioned into SPEARS. They PROTRUDE from wounds over the entire canvas of her body. Additional shards of wood and metal prop her organs above her corpse, giving them the appearance of floating outside her body.                              
(Wu and Fuller 6)
The visual of this tableaux is important, as it will contrast with the Chesapeake Ripper’s actual rendering of the famous medieval Wound Man shown later in the episode in a flashback. Later, Will calls this murder “plagiarism.” The viewer, especially one who has watched the entire series at least once, can understand Will’s assessment easily. The Chesapeake Ripper is an artist – even when his tableaux are deconstructionist in nature, like Beverly Katz’s murder scene in Season 2, there is still a lingering sense of the whole that once was. The essence of the thing that has been taken apart is still suggested by the Ripper’s composition. Gideon’s attempt at mimicry is just that – a sad parody. He merely skewered organs like Nurse Kabob. He merely jabbed implements in her like Nurse Pincushion. There is no whole left to be had.             In Act One, we see the replaying of the gurney scene at the beginning of the episode, except this time with Will in Gideon’s place. This time, we see the attack on Nurse Shell; this time at the hands of Will, who is doing his mental recreation (pendulum swingy – this is my design-y) of the scene.
            Will’s recreation here is filed very lovingly by the #FannibalFamily under the title, “THINGS THAT HAVE NO BUSINESS BEING INSANELY HOT,” but Goddamn it… it is.
It’s not just Will’s torn open shirt – it’s not just the visible sweat on his muscled chest and furrowed brow (although those things REALLY HELP) – it’s the power and the confidence Will exudes when he is in the mental guise of the killer. In truth, every time Will does a mental recreation of a crime, he becomes inordinately hotter because he is not the unsure, confused, flinchy Will Graham of outside-his-mind – he is the take-charge, aggressive, Will Graham with some goddamned agency, that he only seems to be able to muster when he slips into the minds of other people – that is until the end of Season 1, anyway. Will’s agency gets a glow up in “Savoureux,” just wait.
            I will say that when Will gouges Nurse Shell’s eyes out with his thumbs, that’s a major ick for me. Eye stuff always deeply bothers me. I had two very invasive eye surgeries as a child and I think it makes me sensitive. The needle in the eye scene in Fire In the Sky is a trauma from which I will never recover.
            After Will’s recreation is finished, the viewer is then treated to a flashback three years earlier when the character of Miriam Lass enters the series. It is well known that Miriam Lass, played astonishingly by Anna Chlumsky, is Bryan’s substitute for/homage to the character of Clarice Starling, who, because of copyright issues, Bryan could not use in Hannibal. This, of course, is a damn shame, because Clarice is a god-level character and I would love, love, love to see what Bryan could do with her. (I would also like – if we ever get future seasons – to see Ardelia Mapp, Barney Matthews, and Multiple Miggs show up, but I digress…)
            Miriam and Clarice share similar backgrounds – they were both FBI Forensic Fellows – Clarice had the great distinction of studying under fingerprint examiner par excellence, Jimmy Price – but they both came through the same program there and at the FBI Academy. Their university degrees differ a little – Clarice is the daughter of a lawman, which Miriam does not seem to be – but both women are the same with regards to their stunning intellects, dogged determination, and their fascinations with and devotions to “the Guru,” Jack Crawford. It reminds me of a passage from The Silence of the Lambs. At the end of the chapter, (I tell you, Thomas Harris knows how to end a fucking chapter) – after Starling and Crawford return from the Potter Funeral Home in West Virginia, Harris writes, “She watched him walk away, a middle-aged man laden with cases and rumpled from flying, his cuffs muddy from the riverbank, going home to what he did at home. She would have killed for him then. That was one of Crawford’s great talents” (96).
            Jack tells Miriam that he has culled her from the herd of FBI hopefuls to work for him in the Violent Criminal Apprehension Program (VICAP) because she is at the top of her class, has impressive credentials, and wrote him a fan letter when she was accepted into the Academy. When Jack brings up the Ripper, he says, “The Ripper is very hot right now” (Wu and Fuller 10). Jack is, of course, indicating that the Ripper is on a spree, having taken “his last two victims in six days” (Wu and Fuller 10). But I can’t help but think of Zoolander every time I hear Jack make this remark. “Ooooh, that Ripper – he’s so hot right now…” And let’s be honest, if there’s anyone who could pull off a perfect “Blue Steel,” it’s Mads Mikkelsen.
Miriam impresses Jack with her assessment of the Ripper – not a “true sociopath,” but a killer with “some of the characteristics of what they call a sociopath,” but that in truth, “they don’t know what else to label him” (Wu and Fuller 10). Jack then begins briefing Miriam on the case and we are flashed back to the present and find ourselves sitting with Alana and Will in Frederick Chilton’s office.
Alana and Will are both there to interview Gideon – they will be conducting their interviews separately and then comparing notes. Chilton is “convinced” Gideon is the Ripper (when he knows damned well he’s not), Will is convinced Gideon is NOT the Ripper – Alana is unsure. Chilton informs Alana that even though she only had two sessions with Gideon when he was first admitted to the BSHCI, Gideon has “given [her] a lot of thought” since then (Wu and Fuller 12). It ups the creep factor and of course mirrors the novel Red Dragon, like much of this scene does, except that the inmate is Hannibal Lecter and the person he’s “given a lot of thought to” is Will Graham. Hannibal thinking a lot about Will is deep canon. Always has been. Always will be.
Alana goes into interview Gideon first – when she does, the script indicates, “The STEEL DOOR of the maximum security section closed behind Alana Bloom. She hears the bolt slide home” (Wu and Fuller 13).
I’m always deeply thrilled at how often the writers of Hannibal return to the “Forward to a Fatal Interview” from Harris’ Red Dragon and snatch little phrases from it they leave like glistening Easter eggs for fans to find. This is one such bejeweled egg – a Faberge of one, in fact. This forward is about how Thomas Harris came to create the characters of Will Graham, Clarice Starling, and most importantly, Hannibal Lecter. In the final paragraph, he says, “When in the winter of 1979 I entered the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane and the great metal door crashed closed behind me, little did I know what waited at the end of the corridor; how seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home” (XIII).
An adaptation is a beautiful thing when you have such beautiful source material to work with. I am forever fascinated by what different filmmakers and actors have done with the Hannibal canon, but we cannot, should not, ever forget the mind that created it and created such compelling characters that withstand the test of time and are enriched every time a new generation of writers and viewers return to them.
The interviews between Alana and Gideon and Will and Gideon are now intercut with each other, a wonderful technique that allows the viewers to compare and contrast for themselves, the differences and similarities between Alana and Will in their questioning, the differences between Gideon’s reactions to Alana and to Will. The most important fact that seems to arise from the interview is when Will says to Gideon about the death of Nurse Shell, “Brutalization of the body was done posthumously. The Chesapeake Ripper usually does that sort of thing during, not after” (Wu and Fuller 15). Will never buys Gideon as the Ripper. His other murders were spontaneous, not planned. Gideon is not an artist; he’s a plagiarist. What Will can’t figure out is why Gideon is copping to murders he didn’t commit.
We begin Act Two with Jack Crawford arriving unannounced at Hannibal’s office, just as the Doctor is about to leave for the day. Hannibal asks if Jack was just “in the neighborhood?” – Jack answers, “Something like that” (Wu and Fuller 16). This line is one of those TV/film chestnuts that you hear over and over and it never actually happens in real life. I have never in my life had someone show up at my door saying they were “just in the neighborhood.” Just like I have never had a cat suddenly jump on me from some unseen elevated position when I am in a darkened alleyway or corridor and things feel all spooky. It’s film logic. It’s kooky, but it works.
Bella is out of town and Jack has come to Hannibal to pry some sort of information out of him about Bella’s cancer – how she’s feeling, what she’s saying, what she thinks – all of which she is not telling Jack and all of which Hannibal cannot tell Jack due to doctor-patient confidentiality. Jack becomes angry. Their conversation is enlightening with regards to Hannibal’s character:
JACK CRAWFORD: You talk to me about Will Graham.
HANNIBAL: Will Graham isn’t officially my patient. We have conversations.
JACK CRAWFORD: What do you consider this?
HANNIBAL: Desperate coping.
                                                                                    (Wu and Fuller 17)
The line here – “desperate coping” – is such a wonderful illustration of how accurately Hannibal is portrayed as having some sociopathic tendencies or at least the tendencies of a narcissist. Throughout the series, Hannibal shows how he can go cold at a moment’s notice – how he can so easily shift from a seemingly caring, compassionate individual to a nightmare of stone-faced, murder-eyed calm. It’s terrifying. I was once very much in love with a man who could do this – he was not a murderer, but he could go dead-eyed and cold on you like this in seconds – and you never knew when it was coming. It scared the shit out of me.
            Some might say that Hannibal’s line here is compassionate, that he feels for Jack and his attempts to handle the imminent death of his wife – but I think the line is meant to cut Jack to the quick – he slices right into the meat of Jack’s pain here – as if to say, “Yeah, your wife’s dying. Pull it together, wimp.”
            It is canon that Hannibal prods people to cause pain – it is entirely for his own pleasure. A good example is from The Silence of the Lambs. When Hannibal meets with Senator Martin, supposedly to tell her the “real name” of Buffalo Bill (ha ha), he makes a cutting remark about the Senator breastfeeding her daughter when she was a baby. Then this happens: “When her pupils darkened, Dr. Lecter took a single sip of her pain and found it exquisite. That was enough for today” (201).
            The man drinks pain. What else is there to say?
            Then Hannibal immediately “salves” the wound he has created (“Salve” is the word used in the script directions) – saying “I’ll offer this one insight: she thinks she married the right guy” (Wu and Fuller 17). See Hannibal playing with Jack? Always playing.
            Jack then says, “I look at her side of the bed and wonder if she’s going to die there or where she’ll die and I feel myself going uncomfortably numb” (Wu and Fuller 18). I believe this to be a reference to Jack’s actual, canon death that Thomas Harris wrote for him in the novel, Hannibal. It is a death that I completely understand but hate like fire because I think a character like Jack deserved a lot better. I feel that Bryan was writing a better end for Jack.
            The end in question is as follows. Clarice Starling has already been drugged and hypnotized, pulled into a strange “relationship” with Hannibal – they live in Buenos Aires together under assumed names. Clarice finds out that Jack has died from the FBI website. Apparently, “after Crawford was home for a month from the hospital, the chest pains came again in the night. Instead of calling an ambulance and going through it all again, he chose simply to roll over to the solace of his late wife’s side of the bed” (483).
            I understand it, but dammit Jack deserves better. I believe Bryan was going to give him better. At least he gets to go to Italy and kick Hannibal’s ass. At least he gets another chance.
            Jack and Hannibal have a conversation about loss, which leads Hannibal to ask, “Who else couldn’t you save, Jack?” (Wu and Fuller 18). Once again, Hannibal pokes at the wound, tugs at the scab. We know full well that Hannibal has Miriam Lass hidden in a damp, darkened oubliette of a well in a secret farmhouse – all wet and cold with a missing arm in a dirty nightgown and in desperate need of some wet wipes and dry shampoo. We know this – which means all of this questioning about “the lost trainee” is just Hannibal enjoying himself, just Hannibal savoring Jack’s pain. I really do think he lets Miriam live because he likes her – (the same reason book/film Hannibal lets Clarice live – she’s a “deep roller”) – but I also think he lets Miriam live solely to give her back to Jack – just like he gives Bella back to Jack when he thwarts her suicide attempt. Just as he takes Abigail away from Will, then gives her back, then takes her away again – Lucy and the football. Hannibal is “curious” what will happen, but also because he loves the pain. Pain is so much more than hum-drum everyday life – and Hannibal doesn’t like mundane pain – like the worries and neurotic spoutings of Franklyn Froidveaux or Neal Frank, no. Hannibal wants Greek tragedy level pain – a boy who wants to be a killing monster, a girl who wants to kill the brother who has been raping her all her life, a man watching his wife die, a man torturing himself with guilt because he lost another girl, and Will Graham, whose pain is beautiful in its kaleidoscopic, ever-changing qualities – it is always the pain of the killer he is profiling, the victim he is investigating, and sometimes, Will’s own deeply buried pain, abandoned by mom, distant from dad, outcast at school, outcast among colleagues, always alone and beautiful, always alone and confused – in terms of pain, Will is 31 Flavors.
            At this point, Jack refuses to tell Hannibal about Miriam Lass – but later on he breaks. The breaking is always Hannibal’s favorite part.
            We are now flashed back again to three years earlier; we see Miriam and Jack surveying the Wound Man tableaux rendered by the authentic Chesapeake Ripper. The victim is lashed to his worktable, and all of his tools from the peg board on which they once hung are dug into the man’s body in varying places all over the corpse.
            This is not an unfamiliar moment. Jack with a whip-smart profiler assessing the carnage of a crime scene; he has also cleared the way for that profiler by sending all “the others” – the crime scene techs and photographers and forensic creatures -- away. Jack seems to understand that the brilliant ones need to be unfettered by noise and stimuli, even before Will Graham joins his pack. Miriam concludes several important things about both the murder and the murderer, namely that the victim was awake during the attack, and that the Ripper was selective about the organs he harvested. Miriam calls these organs “surgical trophies” – in this way, she is half right (Wu and Fuller 19). It is Will who will determine that the Ripper’s trophies are edible and et. The Ripper is a medical doctor, male, and – and I love this line – “exotic somehow” (Wu and Fuller 19). I believe the “exotic somehow” is meant to refer to the fact that Hannibal Lecter is European. I assume Europeans do not consider themselves “exotic,” but most Americans are flabbergasted by anyone with an accent different than theirs, so… If “exotic” is referring to the fact that the Ripper is being played by masterful and devastatingly beautiful actor Mads Mikkelsen, then yes, he's EXOTIC AS FUCK. Point is, he’s not your run-of-the-mill American. He owns a cravat – more than one probably. He probably has a bidet – he calls sedans “saloons” – and he buys all his table linens and china at Christofle. Miriam compliments Jack’s “peculiar cleverness” and we move out of the scene back into the morgue at the BAU, where Team Sassy Science is examining Nurse Shell’s body and Will is observing (Wu and Fuller 20).
            The team is discussing the similarities between Nurse Shell’s murder and the Wound Man murder. They are attempting to rule Abel Gideon IN or OUT. They are unsure how Gideon could have known about the wound patterns the Ripper inflicted on his victims because those details were kept away from the press. Will says, “I see the Ripper but I don’t… feel the Ripper. He’s an artist. This is… plagiarism” (Wu and Fuller 21). Will has his finger on Hannibal’s pulse from the very beginning of the show – whether it be Hannibal as the Copy Cat or Hannibal as the Ripper – when Will finally realizes the two are one and the same, it seems like something that has been on the tip of his tongue since the very beginning. And Will is also very correct in assessing that the real Chesapeake Ripper is not going to let Gideon take credit for his work.
            We end Act Two with Jack Crawford at home, asleep in his bed alone, his wife still out of town at a NATO summit. The phone rings. Jack shakes awake and picks up the phone. The clock reads 2:47 A.M. Clocks are an important motif in Hannibal, especially in Season 1. I will address what I think the motif means when I get deeper into Season 1, when Will’s encephalitis begins to worsen, but needless to say – clocks are humankind’s desperate attempt to not only measure but control time – and quite frankly, time rarely cooperates.
            When Jack answers the phone, he doesn’t recognize the voice at first – or perhaps he doesn’t believe what he is hearing. The words said by the caller are important because it is these words used to torment Jack for the rest of the episode:
MIRIAM LASS’S VOICE: Jack… Jack… Jack… It’s Miriam. I don’t know where I am. I can’t see anything. I was so wrong. I was so wrong. Please… Jack… I don’t want to die like this.                                                            (Wu and Fuller 20).
And then the line goes dead.
            We start Act Three back at the BAU. Beverly Katz has checked all the online databases for telecom systems and says she cannot find a trace of any call to Jack’s home at 2:47 AM. As Brian Zeller continues to question Jack’s skills of perception and memory (that maybe Jack dreamed it, that he doesn’t remember what Miriam sounds like), Jimmy Price points out, “whoever called could have tapped in from that little box outside your house. Or the junction in your neighborhood. There would be no trace signal to track” (Wu and Fuller 23). We, the viewer, know this is exactly what the Ripper – Hannibal Lecter – has done, solely because he is Hannibal Lecter, the James Bond/MacGyver of serial killers. He is a psychiatrist, a medical doctor and a surgeon; he speaks/reads/writes at least four languages that we know of. He is a world-class chef, butcher, snail cultivator, beer brewer – he can tie knots, sew, handle a variety of weapons. He can fist-fight – he can ballroom dance. He can give lectures on Dante in the medieval Italian. Obviously, he knows how to tap a phone line. I also feel very certain that Hannibal can fly a plane, hack into any computer (although he finds it distasteful), make his own soap (Fight Club style), and he knows at least one martial art, if not more.
            Incidentally, tapping into phone lines is also something Francis Dolarhyde can do – both later in Season 3 when he taps into the phone line at Hannibal’s office and calls Hannibal in the BSHCI with the call masked as Hannibal’s lawyer. But, according to Bryan, the Marlow murder in “Apéritif” is one of Francis’ early murders, and he had to tap into the Marlow phone line to record Mrs. Marlow’s call to the security company. It occurs to me that being a serial killer must create endless hobbies, solely based on things you have to learn, like phone tapping, lock picking, glass cutting, tree-climbing, and “this-is-my-designing.”
            Will points out that the 2:47 call obviously didn’t come from the BSHCI, and therefore, could not have been Abel Gideon. When Brian Zeller again suggests that perhaps Jack dreamed the call, Jack shouts at him, “I know when I’m awake” (Wu and Fuller 24). The script then indicates, “Will reacts to that, not always sure he knows the same” (Wu and Fuller 24). Poor Will’s encephalitis is worsening. It only serves to isolate him from others who might possibly help him. And the only person he thinks can help him is actively worsening his condition. I forgive him later, but from this point through the end of Season 1, I am mad as hell at Hannibal. My loyalty is to Will. Hannibal not only doesn’t help my poor baby, he purposely alienates Will from the people who could help him. Grrrrrrr…
            Next, we see Will in his classroom at Quantico. Soon, he hears the clacking of hooves on the floor of the corridor. When he looks up, he sees the Black Stag sidling toward him – then this vision morphs into the reality of the circumstance, Alana Bloom and Jack Crawford walking into the room. Jack floats the idea of baiting the Ripper with a well-placed story in the media, a story that will anger the Ripper because the reporter will heavily suggest that Abel Gideon is the REAL Chesapeake Ripper. Will thinks the scheme is dangerous. He says, “You might push the Ripper to kill again just to prove he isn’t in a hospital for the criminally insane;” to which Jack replies, “I have to push, Will” (Wu and Fuller 26). Jack’s statement is very telling – not just about his relentless pursuit of the Ripper, but of himself as a person. Jack does indeed “push.” He pushes everyone. He pushes Will so hard he practically has a nervous breakdown. He pushes him into the hands of the Ripper himself. He pushes Miriam so hard, he pushes her into that same man’s hands. He pushes his wife so hard, she flees to that same man for advice.
            Considering that Hannibal and Jack don’t officially meet until Episode 1, Hannibal is already WAAAY involved in Jack’s life and already deeply embedded in Jack’s head. It’s funny upon their first meeting in “Apéritif,” that Jack is meeting his nemesis and doesn’t know it. The man who took Miriam from him, who will take Will from him, who will take Beverly from him, who will almost take Jack’s own life. Talk about “a bolt of fate sliding home.”
            Will is disgusted with the idea that Jack is going to cahoot with Freddie Lounds, but you know how Jack has to push, so the next scene reveals Freddie Lounds entering a conference room at Quantico to meet with Jack, Will, and Alana. Jack and Alana are amiable and friendly to Freddie; Will is cold and bitchy (and insanely hot…) Jack tells Freddie he wants her to confirm her story about Gideon being the Ripper. Alana promises to talk to Chilton to get Freddie an interview with Gideon. In one of my favorite of Freddie’s lines, she says, “Not to snap bubblegum and crack wise, but what’s my angle? Is he the Chesapeake Ripper or you just want me to tell everybody he is” (Wu and Fuller 28). Jack suggests he could be because Gideon is a surgeon. The three then discuss the fabled list of professions which psychopaths most favor – journalists and law enforcement being two more. I often wonder if there is also a list of professions that psychos LEAST inhabit. Like, in the bowels of the BAU, a criminal profiler is saying, “Well, we know he’s not a pet psychic, a cupcake baker, or a crossword puzzle author, so we can rule those out! Thank God!”
            We are then transported to the high security sector of the Baltimore Hospital for the Criminally Insane and see stylishly dressed and coiffed Freddie Lounds entering the prison and introducing herself to Abel Gideon.
            When Freddie’s story is finished and published to Tattlecrime.com, we then see Hannibal at his desk with his little tablet reading it – his face as close to “bothered” as you ever see Hannibal come. This is the same face he makes when Franklyn leaves a soiled tissue on his end table, when Mason Verger stabs his chair. I like to call it Hannibal’s “I’m About To Cut a Bitch” face. This is one thing I will say for Mads Mikkelsen over and over again – he acts with every part of his body, including his beautiful face. Fannibals love to discuss Mads’ microexpressions – the little twitches at the corners of his eyes, the dead-eyed, yet sarcastic stares, the tears that appear from nowhere, the minute turnings of his lips into wry smiles – and the most prized being the MIKKELSNARL, the King of All Expressions. The look on his face when reading Freddie Lounds’ story makes you fear for her. Amazingly, she survives. It’s actually insane.
            We then see Dr. Chilton and Alana dining with Hannibal at his home. Hannibal says that the dish is a lamb tongue served with Duxelle sauce and mushrooms, created by famous French chef Auguste Escoffier. After some tongue wagging amongst the diners, Hannibal says to Chilton, “Don’t give me ideas. Your tongue is very feisty and as this evening has already proven, it’s nice to have an old friend for dinner” (Wu and Fuller 30). This line is, of course, a tribute to the ending scene of The Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal’s phone call to Clarice in which he implies he will be soon killing and eating the bumbling Dr. Chilton. As previously stated, Fuller’s Chilton stubbornly survives every season.
            Alana, Frederick, and Hannibal begin discussing Abel Gideon. Frederick proudly claims Gideon to be the Ripper. Alana begins questioning Frederick and asks, “Is it possible that you inadvertently planted the suggestion in Gideon’s mind that he was the Ripper?” (Wu and Fuller 31). Frederick replies, “Psychic driving is unethical” (Wu and Fuller 32).
            I have to admit that I NEVER heard the term “psychic driving” before Hannibal. Truly, it sounds like a Cronenberg video game for the Atari 2600. Hannibal says that psychic driving is allowable “in certain circumstances” and actually seems to arouse some gentle suspicion from both Alana and Frederick (Wu and Fuller 32). They don’t seem suspicious that Hannibal is the Ripper – we are a looooong way from that – but they both seem a little shocked that Hannibal might condone the practice, even in narrow cases. Hannibal so desperately wants to play, I think he actually overplays his hand here. He so rarely gives anything away and usually only does so on purpose – perhaps Hannibal’s admission is just to facilitate the conversation Hannibal has in the kitchen with Frederick, in which he states that he believes Frederick already has “psychically driven” Gideon, but it seems a little haphazard to me. Perhaps he’s still amped up because Freddie Lounds has landed a hit on him.
            Speaking of Gideon, we now see him in his cell at the BSHCI, this time being questioned by Jack, who states point blank to the prisoner, “You’re not the Chesapeake Ripper” (Wu and Fuller 33). Gideon tries to convince Jack, tries weakly to explain why he, supposedly as the Ripper, takes surgical trophies, why he didn’t display the bodies of his wife and her family, and so on. Gideon ascertains that Jack is not concerned with those prior crimes.
            DR. GIDEON: But you’re not here to talk about my wife or even the night nurse.
            JACK CRAWFORD: What am I here to talk about?
            DR. GIDEON: Your trainee. Miriam something.
                                                                                                (Wu and Fuller 34)
This minor detail, the fact that Gideon does not know Miriam’s last name, proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that Gideon is not, cannot be the Chesapeake Ripper. The real Ripper, Hannibal Lecter, has a meticulous memory palace built in his mind. Thomas Harris explains the grandiose proportions of the Doctor’s psychic estate in both Hannibal and Hannibal Rising. In Hannibal, Harris even treats us to a description of the palace’s interior. It has a “Great Hall of the Seasons… [a] hall of looms and textiles…[and a] Hall of Addresses,” just to name a few wings (252-254). Hannibal actually retrieves Clarice Starling’s address from this cognitive library, buried in a mental construction that Harris says, “is vast, even by medieval standards” (252).
            I know for a fact that Hannibal Lecter remembers the name of every victim he ever killed, how he killed them, what organs/limbs he took, what dish he made with them, and how they tasted. There is no way he forgets a victim’s name. With the exception of the incidental goons from the Questura in Season 3 or Mason Verger’s goons, Hannibal knows the name of every victim he chooses. No way he would forget Miriam’s last name. Gideon is an amateur.
            As their conversation continues, Jack’s phone rings. He walks out of Gideon’s cell block to answer the call as the caller ID announces the number as “HOME.” Jack misses the call and redials. He believes the caller to be his wife, having returned early from her trip. Whoever answers the phone (you know who), then plays the same haunting recorded message – Miriam Lass scared, alone, and begging Jack to help her.
            Immediately, we are in Jack Crawford’s bedroom, where Team Sassy Science is pulling and processing evidence from Jack’s bedroom carpet, bedside phone, and even his wife’s pillow. Will is once again observing. Jimmy Price pulls three sets of prints from the phone – the first two sets are identified as Jack’s and his wife’s. The third set is later identified as belonging to Miriam Lass. Beverly even finds a long blonde hair on Bella’s pillow. Will, of course, asks questions: “Did Miriam Lass know where you live?... Did you know you were sending her after [the Chesapeake Ripper?]…” and then states, “Whoever made that phone call thinks you were close to Miriam Lass and feel responsible for her death;” to which Jack replies, “She was my trainee. I am responsible for her death” (Wu and Fuller 36). Jimmy Price floats the idea that Miriam may be alive since her prints are on the phone. Jack cannot accept the idea.
            This new evidence spins Jack into another flashback – the circumstance of Jack’s last meeting with Miriam – the last time he saw her alive. They are back at Quantico – Miriam has skipped a class called “Exclusionary Rules of Search and Seizure” to ask Jack’s opinion about a report she left on his desk (Wu and Fuller 37). Jack seems needlessly cruel to Miriam in this scene. He tells her “go back to class” and “Frustrated, Lass? Better start forming a callus or frustration is going to wear you through” (Wu and Fuller 37).
            This is perhaps one of the reasons Jack feels so guilty about Miriam’s death, or what he believes to be, death. In their last conversation, he wasn’t very nice. This is one of the unfortunate things about life. The last time I saw my father, the night before he died, the last thing I said to him was, “Dad, don’t eat all that ice cream.” My father was a diabetic and my mother and we children fought him tooth and nail to eat better. Towards the end of his life, he merely circumvented us – he hid Snickers bars in the clothes hamper, peanut butter crackers in the visor in his truck – he finally just broke down and started buying all the sweets he wanted himself since my mother refused to buy them. He was unstoppable. The last time I saw him, he was digging into a half-gallon of Blue Bell chocolate ice cream, and so I told him not to eat it all. All he said to me was, “Bye.”
            If I had known that was the last time I would ever see him alive, I would have told him that I loved him. I would have told him that even though he was a shitty dad, abusive and obstreperous, that I still loved him, and I always would. I have to content myself with the idea that either my dad knew that I loved him or he just didn’t care.
            Miriam’s report makes a smart but dangerous suggestion in the hunt for the Chesapeake Ripper. She explains, “If the Chesapeake Ripper is a surgeon, we should look at medical records of all the known victims” (Wu and Fuller 38). Jack points out that this search would obviously be illegal – medical records fall under very tight privacy laws. Then, the following conversation proves yet another thing to the viewer about Jack’s character:
JACK CRAWFORD: It’s one thing for a trainee to go poking around private medical records without a warrant, very much another if “The Guru” did it…
MIRIAM LASS: Better for a trainee to ask for forgiveness than an FBI agent to ask for permission?
            JACK CRAWFORD: In my experience.
                                                                                                (Wu and Fuller 38).
There is something to be said of the fact that this is exactly the way that Jack “loses” people. This strategy is how he loses Will, how he loses Beverly – sending subordinates to do things he can’t do. I suppose it is a comment on larger patriarchal culture – how men in power get little people to do their dirty work for them – everything from cleaning their toilets to fighting their wars. It is not lost on me that two of the people that Jack “loses” this way are women. Strong, stubborn, beautiful women who went off doing things Jack couldn’t do because of “rules.” I love Jack Crawford with all my heart – but he should feel guilty. The loss of Miriam Lass IS very much his fault.
            After this conversation, Miriam wanders off to begin her search of the medical records and we are flashed back into the present where we see Alana Bloom again at the BSHCI, again interviewing Dr. Gideon. Two scenes here at the end of Act Four and the beginning of Act Five, one where Will has a conversation with Chilton, and one where there is a lockdown in the prison were cut from the final episode, so I shall skip them.
            The scene we alight upon is Jack, back in the present, walking down a hallway at the Academy, and once again his phone rings. Jack accepts the grim possibility that the call might once again be the Ripper taunting him and answers it. It brings us to one of the most interesting and important locales in the series, the abandoned observatory. The real location is the David Dunlap Observatory in Richmond Hill, Ontario, Canada. We see the observatory several times in the series – it is always a place of gruesome revelations.
            We see Will, Beverly, and Jack approaching the building – Beverly explaining that the last call Jack received from the Ripper “traced here. Or within a 100 feet of here” (Wu and Fuller 42). Jack then redials the last number the Ripper called from – one that wasn’t masked or anonymous. They hear a distant ringing coming from inside the observatory.
            They enter the building, and underneath a bunch of discarded equipment, at the base of the main telescope, they find a severed arm, the hand holding the ringing cell phone. A note on a card beneath the arm says, “What do you see?” (Wu and Fuller 43). The viewer understands that this is Miriam Lass’ arm – it explains the fingerprints on the phone in Jack’s bedroom.
            I must say, I do find the image kind of funny… Hannibal in his squeaky murder suit – which I affectionately call his “garment bag” because DAMMIT that’s what it looks like – a garment bag with sleeves turned sideways – in Jack’s bedroom, opening a plastic bag and tweezing out one of Miriam’s head hairs, laying it on Bella’s pillow – making the call from Jack’s bedside phone and then laying Miriam’s decapitated hand over the receiver – pressing the finger pads down with his own to make sure the prints stick. I always imagine Hannibal waving Miriam’s arm around with a dramatic flourish when he’s done – like some morbid maestro conducting an insane symphony all of his own composition.
            The episode ends with a flashback – Miriam Lass showing up at Hannibal’s office door to question him. The Wound Man victim was a “Jeremy Olmstead” Hannibal had treated for an arrow wound in his thigh the man received while bow hunting – when Hannibal worked in the emergency room, most likely at Maryland Misericordia Hospital in Baltimore. Hannibal says he doesn’t remember the man (he totally remembers) – but under the guise of going to retrieve his notes from the years he worked in the ER, he leaves the room, removes his shoes, and then in his stocking feet creeps up behind Miriam, just as she discovers Hannibal’s own Wound Man drawing and begins to realize the trouble she is in. Hannibal begins choking Miriam – this is the episode’s second installment of “THINGS THAT HAVE NO BUSINESS BEING INSANELY HOT.”
            The script describes the scene as follows:
Hannibal is like a column of marble, motionless as Miriam twists and throws, trying in vain to knock him off balance. She reaches behind her head, clawing at Hannibal but he presses his face almost sensually against the back of her neck to protect face and eyes from her slashing fingernails. Miriam’s eyes roll, defeated, tear-filled, knowing she’s going to die. She begins to go limp in Hannibal’s arms.
                                                                                    (Wu and Fuller 48).
This scene is an homage to the same scene in Red Dragon when Hannibal attacks Will from behind, just as Will spies a medical book on Hannibal’s bookshelves that contains the Wound Man drawing. Will’s gut is slashed by Hannibal in this attack – in Fuller’s Hannibal, Will’s gut is spared until the end of Season 2.
            This is why I adore Bryan’s Hannibal so much – it is not just an adaptation; it is a remix. Scenes are moved and laid in the hands of different characters. Conversations are shifted – things Hannibal said to Clarice, he says to Will – characters are gender-swapped or their fates are interchanged. Much of Bryan’s remix remains the same – like the tiger scene between Reba and Francis in Season 3 – but so much of it is recut, reimagined, broken down and put back together. Hannibal is an artist of deconstruction and reconstruction and so is Bryan. I still say and always will that Hannibal is the best show ever on television. Good God, it is that fucking good.
            But, you ask, “JESUS CHRIST! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET TO THE LESSON?” I shall now deliver.
            The lesson takes place in the scene just before Miriam’s attack. After having discovered Miriam’s decapitated arm, Jack is badly rattled and goes to see Hannibal at his office. When questioned by Hannibal as to what he believes the Ripper’s motives are for trying to convince him that Miriam is alive, Jack responds “Hope. The Ripper wanted to cloud my vision in the fog of hope;” Hannibal then says, “It can sometimes be brave to allow yourself hope” (Wu and Fuller 44).
            Hannibal then asks Jack when he gave up hope that Miriam would be found alive and then makes the leap from one woman in Jack’s life to another saying, “Don’t give up hope for your wife. Not yet” (Wu and Fuller 44). At the end of the scene, Hannibal coaxes Jack into telling him about Miriam, even asking what her name was. I have to say it, but making Jack tell him, as if he is absolutely unknowing of the details, about Miriam Lass and her disappearance seems almost masturbatory to me – Jack is talking dirty to Hannibal and doesn’t even know it. Hannibal sits there, absorbing every minutiae, every crease of pain in Jack’s face, every flutter of guilt in his eyes, enjoying every moment knowing exactly where Miriam is, and how she disappeared. Perhaps it is in this discussion with Jack that Hannibal decides to spare Miriam’s life. Perhaps that was always his plan. Hannibal couldn’t have known he would be called in to consult with Jack on his beautiful, but twitchy profiler, so who knows how long he was willing to wait, keeping Miriam alive, bleeding her for info that would bring him directly into Jack’s domain. All of it is devious and cruel.
            It is perhaps the cruelest of things for Hannibal to talk to Jack about hope. The viewer knows that Hannibal is the one who has given Jack this “false kind” of hope (Wu and Fuller 44). It is important to remember that on a first time viewing, an audience member is not aware that Miriam is still alive. Just as on a first time viewing, the audience does not know that Abigail Hobbs is still alive after her ear turns up in Will’s gullet and then his sink. This “give the desperate loved ones a piece of their missing people and taunt them with hope” like a sadistic kidnapper, but one with no asking price, is a pattern Hannibal uses twice in the series – both times to manipulate people he cares for – to spin them in circles and watch the motion – no doubt in this spinning, Hannibal searches for weak spots, but he also delights in their pain and confusion.
            It is interesting to think that the people Hannibal seems to care most about are the ones he plays with in this way. Will, Jack, Bedelia – he offers hope; he yanks it away. He lies and lies until suddenly, at the precise moment it will make the greatest impact, he tells the truth. A colossal tease is Hannibal Lecter. But he plays with these people because they interest him enough to invest time and effort into them, into both their pain and their pleasure.
            Hannibal pokes at Jack’s hope not just about Miriam, but about Bella. As a surgeon, Hannibal knows the hope for Bella is even more of a longshot than for Miriam. But he wants Jack to hope because without hope, there is nothing to lose. It is best that Jack, Will, Bedelia, Alana – that all of them have something to hope for, something to lose. They will all become truly dangerous to Hannibal if they don’t. Which is basically what happens with most of Season 2 to Will, and for Jack and Alana in Season 3 – vengeance arcs – when Hannibal has stripped them of hope.
            Our lesson resides in Hannibal’s line: “It can sometimes be brave to allow yourself hope” (Wu and Fuller 44). Leaving aside Hannibal’s qualifying statement of “sometimes,” the most important diction in this line is of “brave” and “allow.”
            Mostly, we allow hope for others. For a sick friend, a family down on their luck, a whole group, a whole country – a sports team or a heroic dog – we can give our hope to them. That makes sense. And it feels good.
            But often, hope is not a thing we are willing to give ourselves. It seems like something only for other people, like compliments or compassion or birthday cakes. Hannibal says it’s “brave” to allow ourselves hope because when our lives are in abject turmoil, hope is the last thing we want to give ourselves because… hope hurts. When things don’t turn out as we want – when we don’t get the promotion – we lose the contest – we fail the test – we screw up the date – or worse yet, our loved one dies – when we crash and burn, utterly crash and burn – we remember the hope we had beforehand and say, “You fool. You stupid fucking fool. How did you even dare to hope?”
            And so the lesson, dear reader, is this – as he often is – Hannibal is right (the bastard…)
            It is brave. Let yourself have it.
            ALLOW YOURSELF HOPE. BE BRAVE.
            I know it seems easy for me to say. It’s not. It’s hard for me too. Some days, I just can’t do it. But you and me… we’ve got to keep trying. I deserve hope. And so do you.
            It seems impossible is this world full of pain and death and smiling villains.
            But if Jack Crawford can muster hope from a decapitated arm and a dying wife who won’t talk to him, you and I can too.
            Here endeth the lesson…
References:
Fuller, Bryan and Steve Lightfoot. Writers. “Kaiseki.” Hannibal, season 2, episode 1, Chiswick Productions, 2014.
Harris, Thomas. “Foreword to a Fatal Interview.” Red Dragon, by Harris, Berkley, 2000, pp. IX-XIII).
Harris, Thomas. Hannibal. New York, Delacorte Press, 1999.
Harris, Thomas. The Silence of the Lambs. New York, St. Martin’s Press, 1990.
“Judges 8:27.” King James Bible Online, www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/
Judges-8-27.
Wu, Kai Yu and Bryan Fuller. Writers. “Entrée.” Hannibal, season 1, episode 6, Chiswick Productions, 2012.
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