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indierpgnewsletter · 3 months

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Playing Metamorphosis Alpha (1976)

(This was originally published in the Indie RPG Newsletter)

This week, we officially kick off a year's worth of intermittent posting about games from 1975 to 1985. We start off with Metamorphosis Alpha, a game by James Ward, published by TSR in 1976.

The pitch of Metamorphosis Alpha is wild. You play people aboard a giant starship that on its journey through space was irradiated and turned into a wacky wonderland. The ship is huge - 50 miles long and 17 levels. It's a megadungeon with whole biomes in it. The people aboard the ship have essentially had their society break down with mutated folk and non-mutated folk separating and fracturing into a thousand different communities. A lot of knowledge of the ship has been lost and now, life is mostly about survival.

Mutation is at the heart of this game. It's both a worldbuilding principle (anything is possible! just say it's a mutation!) and an invitation to make off-the-wall weirdest bunch of freaky little guys you could hope for. Character creation is easily the most fun part of the game. You can play a normal human (boo!), a mutant person, a mutant animal, or, wait for it, a mutant plant! Yes, my green friends, you can absolutely play a plant. In my game, which we dubbed the Preposterous Adventures of Peacock and Plant, the two players were, you guessed it, a peacock and a plant. Or rather, a peacock-person and a plant-person. Or to be even more precise, a peacock with six hands and a levitating ficus.

While stats are randomly rolled (3d6 down the line), you get to pick your mutations. For physical mutations, you could pick having wings or gills. For mental mutations (usually limited to one), you could pick precognition or telekinesis or telepathy or... death field generation? It's a gonzo buffet.

I don't particularly like the term "lonely fun". I think "lonely" stopped being a synonym for "alone" a while ago and now it's mostly used to mean "sadness about being alone". There's nothing sad about sitting by yourself and playing a game. For both the GM and players, Metamorphosis Alpha's big gift is solo fun. The GM is invited to make this big starship, piece by piece, stocking it with whatever nonsense they can imagine. The players are given this toy box with pretty clear rules so they can spend all the time they want making the choicest weirdo.

How does it play? Good question, disembodied voice! Well, it doesn't really. The actual rules of the game felt like little islands that you could visit but if you didn't, you were wandering adrift. There are six stats. Radiation Resistance, only used when exposed to radiation. Mental Resistance, used for psychic attacks and defending from them. Leadership Potential, which is used to see if someone will follow you and join your party. And then Strength, Dexterity and Constitution which are for combat.

So outside of being irradiated, trying to recruit a follower, or fighting, the game doesn't really have any rules to invoke. There is no core mechanic as you're probably used to. People who have played OD&D will recognize this but for others, I have to explain how weird that feels. You don't just roll the dice when making a jump or when trying to persuade a person or examining a door or literally anything outside the situations mentioned above. There is no ability check or saving throw. It was honestly like playing a PbtA game with four very specific moves and nothing else.

I didn't want to just ignore this in play so I didn't houserule it away. We stuck to the text and anytime the characters wanted to do something dangerous or tricky, we just talked through it. This wasn't great. Not just because we missed rolling dice. For me, this was tough because there was the stark tonal shift from character creation to play. When we made characters, it seemed like a saturday morning cartoon. But when we played, the primary method for progress was getting the GM to agree that your action should succeed. You can't just roll for success, you have to convince the GM. But on what basis is the GM supposed to decide? If I was being an impartial referee, thinking about physics and realism and so on, my job is to say "no" to wacky ideas that would be home in a saturday morning cartoon. In the end, I didn't want to spend my time saying no and chose to embrace my players' wacky ideas. We had a fun game and since the players wanted to avoid all the combat, we basically never touched the dice.

I'm not sure what to make of this. Is this one of those "objective successfully failed" situations? I'm really interested in hearing from folks who played this game or its successor, Gamma World. Which way did you fall? Survival dungeoncrawl or saturday morning cart

PS: This is how stats like Radiation Resistance are used. When the situation arises, you look down at a look-up table! Radiation level on the x-axis and your stat on the y-axis. The result is the amount of dice you take as damage, I think. If you get a D, that's instant death. But every turn when you're exposed, your stat temporarily goes down by one. So you have to keep rechecking the table every turn.

#ttrpg community #ttrpg #ttrpg design #ttrpgsolidarity #game design #rpg

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spacebunnyduel · 6 months

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❤️🤎❣️ 𝙋𝙤𝙘𝙠𝙮 𝘿𝙖𝙮 ❣️🤎❤️

🌟Happy Starshipping Saturday🌟

#spacebun’s art #it was a private post before 😅#just set it back to public #yugioh #starshipping #yusei x judai #yusei fudo #yuki judai #fudo yusei #jaden yuki #yugioh gx #yugioh 5ds #ygo

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jennelikejennay · 23 days

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Apparently it is Seven Sentence Saturday?

This is a bit from the fic I'm working on, which has gotten very long and complicated.

Kirk stirred as he was laid carefully on his back, but did not wake. Spock found himself gripped with a strange emotion. Concern, perhaps. This cadet was so dynamic, so powerful in wakefulness, but in sleep his face became relaxed, even vulnerable. In sleep, he did not remember that he had lost his home. Perhaps his dreams had taken him back there, as no starship could again.

Spock brushed a lock of hair off his forehead and left the room, fingertips still tingling from that faint brush against his skin.

Thanks @flippyspoon for the tag!

#seven sentence sunday #star trek #spirk #fanfic

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stardustneeko · 4 months

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"I hope that we meet in another life..."

#you ever be working on a starshipping thing for so long it makes you wanna do a different starshipping thing #been drawing a thing for hours and did this in about 30' to cool down ig #anyway let's talk about how their unique positions lend themselves to so many interesting ways to explore the challenges they have to deal #canonically it's sorta a “rule” that some problems with the universe can only be solved by the protagonists #but in the end they are only humans who for most of the stories are children #can one day a disaster come to seek one of them that's so great that only one of them is the “chosen one” to make it out alive?#or maybe their very coexistence in the same universe causes problems #but they want!!! to!! be!! together!!!!!! because they've always followed their hearts and it feels deeply wrong that they can't #hm i need to draw more angst is what i think #starshipping saturday #is sad #sorry #starshipping #yugioh #yusei fudo #yugioh gx #yugioh 5ds #jaden yuki #judai yuki #art by neeko #sketch #fanart #digital art

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halopedia · 8 months

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Starship Saturday — Ceudar-pattern

Originally created for charting distant stars and slipspace routes, the Ceudar-pattern heavy corvette was rarely used by the Covenant in ship-to-ship combat, instead serving in escort and fighter screening roles.

Ceudar-pattern heavy corvettes saw service during the Human-Covenant War, most notably during the battles of Circinius IV, Reach, and Tribute. Several factions continue to field these vessels in the years after the war.

#starshipsaturday #starship saturday #halopedia #halowiki #halo wiki #corvette #covenantcorvette #covenant corvette #long night of Solace #halo #halo reach

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disneytva · 2 months

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March 2024 Programming Highlights

Friday, March 1 Original Series – Episode Premiere on Disney Channel and Disney Junior Pupstruction “A Bright Idea/The Friendliest Frog” (1-20) (10:00-10:30 a.m. EST on Disney Channel/9:00-9:30 a.m. EST on Disney Junior) “A Bright Idea” – Pupstuction builds a lighthouse to keep boats safe day or night.

“The Friendliest Frog” – When the heat becomes too much for a friendly frog, Pupstruction recreates a rainforest environment in his home. *Gabriel Iglesias (“Monsters at Work”) guest stars as Felipe the tree frog. TV-Y

Original Series – Episode Premiere on Disney Channel and Disney Junior Mickey Mouse Funhouse “The Trail Less Traveled/Vardavar!” (3-02) (10:30-11:00 a.m. EST on Disney Channel/9:30-10:00 a.m. EST on Disney Junior) “The Trail Less Traveled” – Minnie and Daisy get lost while exploring the Hidden Valley of Sunny Gulch with Clarabelle.

“Vardavar!” – Minnie wears the wrong outfit to celebrate the Vardavar. TV-Y

Original Series – Episode Premiere on Disney Channel, Disney Junior and Disney XD Star Wars: Young Jedi Adventures “The Caves of Batuu/Finders Keepers” (1:00-1:30 p.m. EST on Disney Channel and Disney XD/11:40 a.m.-12:10 p.m. EST on Disney Junior) “The Caves of Batuu” – Kai faces a series of challenges in the caves of Batuu.

“Finders Keepers” – The Jedi help a scrapper repair her droid. TV-Y

Saturday, March 2 Original Series – Episode Premiere on Disney Channel and Disney XD Marvel’s Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur “Dog Day Mid-Afternoon” (2-11) (10:00-10:30 a.m. EST) When Pops fosters a mysterious stray dog and enters him into a dog show, a paranoid Lunella is convinced the creature is an evil alien who intends to sabotage the event. TV-Y7 FV

Original Series – Episode Premiere on Disney Channel and Disney XD Marvel’s Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur “In the Heist” (2-10) (10:30-11:00 a.m. EST) Lunella discovers that a stolen Kree artifact is about to cause a cataclysmic storm, but when none of the adults believe her, she must swipe it herself. TV-Y7 FV

Friday, March 8

Original Series – Episode Premiere on Disney Channel and Disney Junior Firebuds “Skitty Kitty/Heat Wave” (2-09) (12:00-12:30 p.m. EST on Disney Channel/9:55-10:25 a.m. EST on Disney Junior) “Skitty Kitty” – Violet must care for a mischievous cat while the Firebuds track down thieves at a flea market.

“Heat Wave” – The Firebuds visit a desert roadside attraction on an extremely hot day. *Jack McBrayer (“Wander Over Yonder”) guest stars as Harvey the RV. TV-Y

Original Series – Episode Premiere on Disney Channel, Disney Junior and Disney XD Star Wars: Young Jedi Adventures “The Starship Show/Nash’s Super Busy Day” (1:00-1:30 p.m. EST on Disney Channel and Disney XD/11:40 a.m.-12:10 p.m. EST on Disney Junior) “The Starship Show” – Nash and the Jedi must recover a ship stolen by Draiven.

“Nash’s Super Busy Day” – Kai tries to help Nash with deliveries. TV-Y

Saturday, March 9 Original Series – Episode Premiere on Disney Channel and Disney XD Marvel’s Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur “Roller Jam!” (2-12) (10:00-10:30 a.m. EST) When Pops’ rivalry with former best friend and skate partner Vernell threatens to ruin Roller Jam, Lunella meddles in their beef to squash it. TV-Y7 FV

Original Series – Episode Premiere on Disney Channel and Disney XD Marvel’s Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur “Dancing With Myself” (2-13) (10:30-11:00 a.m. EST) Lunella is desperate to find a date to the school dance, but when she gets Kid Kree to be her escort, she learns that peer pressure can harm the relationships that matter most. TV-Y7 FV

Friday, March 15 Original Series – Episode Premiere on Disney Channel and Disney Junior Marvel’s Spidey and his Amazing Friends “Tiny Car Caper/Toothy Fairy Tricks” (3-10) (1:30-2:00 p.m. EDT on Disney Channel/12:30-1:00 p.m. EDT on Disney Junior) “Tiny Car Caper” – Zola shrinks the city’s cars…and Detective Stacy!

“Toothy Fairy Tricks” – Rhino mistakes Wasp for the Tooth Fairy. TV-Y

Original Series – Episode Premiere on Disney Channel, Disney Junior and Disney XD Star Wars: Young Jedi Adventures “The Prince and The Pirate” (1:00-1:30 p.m. EDT on Disney Channel and Disney XD/11:40 a.m.-12:10 p.m. EDT on Disney Junior) When Taborr tries to steal from Starlight Beacon, it’s up to the young Jedi to stop him. TV-Y

Saturday, March 16 Original Series – Episode Premiere on Disney Channel and Disney XD Marvel’s Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur “Family Matters” (2-14) (10:00-10:30 a.m. EDT) When Moon Girl teams up with the amazing super hero Turbo, she realizes the true cost of keeping up a secret identity. TV-Y7 FV

Original Series – Episode Premiere on Disney Channel and Disney XD Marvel’s Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur “The Molecular Level” (2-15) (10:30-11:00 a.m. EDT) After Lunella tells her family that she’s Moon Girl, she must convince them she will be safe, which seems impossible when Molecule Man shows up for revenge. TV-Y7 FV

Friday, March 22 Original Series – Episode Premiere on Disney Channel and Disney Junior Firebuds “Wayne’s Trains and Automobiles/Jazzy Buds” (2-15) (12:00-12:30 p.m. EDT on Disney Channel/9:55-10:25 a.m. EDT on Disney Junior) “Wayne’s Trains and Automobiles” – The Firebuds rescue a train after Wayne tries to steal his cargo.

“Jazzy Buds” – Jazzy forms her own rescue team called Jazzy-Buds. *Lauren “Lolo” Spencer (“Give Me Liberty”) recurs as Jazzy, and Harvey Guillén (“Mickey Mouse Funhouse”), José Andrés (“We Feed People”) and Oscar Nuñez (“The Office”) return as Uncle Tad, Chef Al and Chef Fernando, respectively. TV-Y

Saturday, March 23 Original Series – Episode Premiere on Disney Channel and Disney XD Hailey’s On It! “The Umpire Strikes Back/Magician: Impossible” (1-22) (11:00-11:30 a.m. EDT) “The Umpire Strikes Back” – Hailey goes to great lengths to catch a foul ball at a Barnacles game.

“Magician: Impossible” – When a popular magician’s tricks are exposed, Hailey must find the perpetrator. TV-Y7

Saturday, March 30 Original Series – Episode Premiere on Disney Channel and Disney XD Hailey’s On It! “Bad Bear Deay/2001:A Spouse Odyssey” (1-23) (11:00-11:30 a.m. EDT) “Bad Bear Deay” – Scott gets into an exclusive club at school thanks to an amazing hair gel but quickly regrets ignoring the gel’s side effects.

“2001:A Spouse Odyssey” – Hailey throws her parents a dream wedding. TV-Y7

#Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur #Moon Girl & Devil Dinosaur #Hailey’s On It!#Hailey’s On It #Haileys On It #Haileys On It!#Mickey Mouse Funhouse #Spidey and his Amazing Friends #Firebuds #Star Wars Young Jedi Adventures #Star Wars: Young Jedi Adventures #Star Wars #Pupstruction #Disney Channel #Disney Junior #Disney Jr

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kisskissbanggang · 1 year

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🚀✨Coming Soon✨🚀

Have you found yourself wanting adventure, intrigue, and maybe even romance aboard a runaway starship? Have you found yourself as a reader wanting to have an impact on who you interact with and build relationships with and - dare I say it - maybe even run away with?

We're taking a daring ride through the Protean Strait on a ship of your choosing with a familiar crew of eight space mariners and you are calling the shots.

✨Premiere: Friday, March 17th @ 7PM PST

✨Episodes: Fridays @ 7PM PST

✨Voting: Episode Polls end on Saturdays @ 7PM PST

✨Series Notes: Will likely contain Smut and occasionally Violent or Intense scenes.

✨Bonus: If this post receives 10 Likes, Preliminary Polls will take place on Wednesday, March 15th @ 7PM PST. Come decide who You are and come decide our fate. ❤️

✨Please reblog!✨

#stray kids fanfic #stray kids smut #skz fanfic #skz smut #stray kids scenarios #writing updates #please know I'm SO EXCITED FOR THIS

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secondtechnicianrimmer · 3 months

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Space Corp. Directive #1215225

For some ungodly reason, you fancy the second technician, but you’d be damned if you ever admitted it.

Pairing: Arnold Rimmer x (F) Reader

Warnings: Mentions of smut

Chapter Two: F, M, K

It all started when you found a photo of a beautiful woman between the pages of one of Lister’s books.

It wasn’t exactly unexpected, half the ship looked like it had been decorated by teenage boys living away from home for the first time. There were posters of cars and girls and guitars up in the sleeping quarters; Lister’s fresh-out-of-the-wash underwear hung like bunting through the corridors; and despite the endless technological advances stowed in the kitchen (including a food replicator and a pretty snazzy dishwasher) there were always towers and towers of dirty plates and mugs, like the financial district of a large city.

Seven months you’d been aboard Red Dwarf. Seven months and fifteen days. The ship felt like home now but, sometimes, you still felt like a guest, like the new girl. It also meant you’d long since run out of entertainment. You’d exhausted both the library and the cinema, and trying to get the others to participate in a group activity always felt like you were begging older siblings to play with you on a rainy Saturday in April.

All this culminated in you scraping the very bottom of an incredibly cavernous barrel. You asked Lister if you could borrow one of his books.

“Try this,” he said, pushing a brightly coloured wodge of pages into your hands. “It’s a Cat book. It’ll teach you how to speak Cat. You were Xenolinguistics, right? You’ll like this.”

You peered at the book, flipping through the pages with thinly-veiled scepticism.

“This is a new low for you, Dave. Not only are there pictures, there are only pictures.”

“Aw, c’mon man,” Lister rolled his eyes. “You have to smell it.”

“Dave,” you said seriously. “What did you do to this book?”

“I’m serious! It’s how they learn! If you don’t believe me, ask Cat.”

Still glaring at Lister, you raised the book to your nose and took a tentative sniff.

“I still think you’re pulling my leg.”

“It takes practice. You’ll get it.”

You huffed and shook your head. It had been a long time since anyone had said something like that to you.

Languages came as easily to you as breathing, you just had the right brain for it, and it had gotten you onto a starship. What happened to that starship and its crew, you tried not to think about too much.

Your expertise hadn’t exactly come in useful since the Red Dwarf boys found you. Kryten spoke more languages than you’d had hot dinners, but it was still fun to study them, something to keep your brain ticking over and stave off the boredom.

You flipped ahead, scanning the pictures curiously, until the pages jumped between your fingers. A photo slid into your palm, slightly tattered at the edges but still clear.

“Who’s this?”

You held up the photo for Lister to see.

Immediately, his expression softened. A bashful smile slipped across his face.

“That’s Kochanski. Kristine Kochanski.”

“She’s pretty. Old girlfriend?”

“He wishes,” Rimmer said, suddenly appearing in the doorway to his and Lister’s quarters.

Lister scowled at him.

“She broke up with me, didn’t she? As you’re so fond of reminding me. You can’t break up with someone you weren’t dating.”

While they bickered, you looked back down at the girl in the photo. She was wearing the same beige JMC uniform you’d seen Lister and Rimmer wearing in other photos and videos in the ship’s memory bank.

“Did she… You know… With the rest of the crew?”

“Yeah.” There was a glint of sadness in Lister’s eyes but he appeared to push it away. “She was brilliant, you would’ve really liked her. She had everything. She was gorgeous and clever and-”

“It's a miracle she even spoke to you?” Rimmer put in, folding his arms over his chest.

You shot him a look. It probably wasn’t something that bothered the boys, but you thought poking fun at Lister about his long-dead girlfriend was overstepping the mark a little.

As you guessed, Lister didn’t seem hurt. In fact he was nodding.

“I have to agree with smeghead there. Don’t know how I did it, but she liked me. I know she did. She was fab.”

Rimmer gave a harsh, dry laugh.

“She’s no Yvonne.”

“Oh smeg off, you had one night with the girl.”

You frowned.

“Who’s this?”

“Yvonne McGruder.”

Rimmer spoke the name with pride, like he was the first man to conquer Olympus Mons.

Listed grinned.

“The ship's female boxing champion.”

“Ohh, you like it rough d’you?”

You went to nudge Rimmer’s side but remembered you couldn’t just in time. Instead, you kind of poked your elbow a few centimetres from where his ribs would have been.

“I’ll remember that, Arn.”

To your delight, his cheeks started to go a little pink. You didn’t even know holograms could blush but this was a very pleasing discovery.

“16th March,” Rimmer said, jutting out his chin to hide his embarrassment. “What a night!”

Lister snorted.

“What a tea break, more like. 12 minutes wasn’t it?”

“I’d take 12 minutes with McGruder over a lifetime with Kochanski.”

“You’re mad, Rimmer. You’re absolutely tonto.”

They were still arguing about it at dinner, except now the argument had expanded to involve more female officers aboard Red Dwarf.

You wouldn’t usually mind, it’s just that for some reason, hearing about all the girls Rimmer used to fancy was starting to make your stomach churn. Part of you wanted to make a note of their names and ask Holly to look them up later, just to see how you matched up. What did they have that was so brilliant?

Not that you felt jealous at all. That would be absolutely ridiculous. One sex dream was not enough to make you suddenly crazy about a bloke, especially one who’d been dead for millions of years.

Except, you admitted to yourself, there had been around five or six dreams now, each more vivid and tantric than the last, and each had you waking up, shoving a hand down the front of your underwear, and moaning Rimmer’s name under your breath as you came.

You swallowed hard at the thought. Only that morning, you’d dreamt about slipping into Rimmer’s lap and kissing him till he was groaning softly against your mouth, his hands on your arse and your hip, helping you grind against him while you tugged at his hair and whispered awful things against his lips, things that made your face burn to think about even now.

You crossed your legs under the table.

They were still arguing as they came to sit down with you and Cat. It was enough to put you off your chips.

“Lads, will you please stop talking about all the girls you used to fancy who are now dead as a dodo,” You turned the page of the book Lister had given you with a weary sigh. “It’s giving me the creeps.”

“Fine, we’ll talk about the girls who are alive and within a million miles of us shall we?”

“Girls?” Cat yelped. “Where?”

Lister gave you a look.

You sighed and waved him off, as if to say ‘point taken’. But Lister, ever the magpie, had found a shiny new path of conversation.

“Go on, then. Who did you fancy on your ship?”

“I didn’t fancy anyone.”

Rimmer scoffed.

“You must’ve fancied someone. Stuck in deep space with nothing else to do-”

“I was second in command of Xenolinguistics aboard a Class Five Callistan science ship.”

“So you must’ve been bored to death.” Lister rubbed his palms together, eager for a story. “C’mon, who did you fancy?”

“No one! Really! God, I preferred it when you were talking about Yvonne McGruder.”

Lister snorted.

“Yeah, right,” he muttered.

Tongue pressed against the inside of your cheek, you flashed Lister a warning look.

All the boys knew about your dream (just the first one, you’d learnt your lesson after that) and you’d barely convinced them that it would not, actually, be absolutely hilarious to tell Rimmer about it. Cat and Kryten thankfully seemed to have moved on or forgotten about it, but Lister was like a dog with a bone, and was sure there was more to read into the dream than you were willing to dwell on.

You shook your head ever so slightly, then raised a finger to your lips and grazed it past them, asking him to keep schtum.

Lister raised his eyebrows but, remarkably, did manage to control himself. He was still smiling like the devil though.

“Well, what about us?” Cat preened. “You must fancy at least one of us?”

Rolling your eyes, you turned another page of your book.

“I’m afraid I don’t fancy any of you for four very different reasons.”

Lister raised his eyebrows at you again.

“But if you had to pick one?”

“Fuck off, I’m trying to read your ridiculous book.”

“Let’s see that.” The Cat pushed his fingertips against the cover until the title was visible. “Oh, that’s a great one! Wait till you get to the cliff-hanger at the end of chapter twelve.”

Any hope that the conversation might turn to the new and brilliant revelation of cat books was stamped out by Lister’s enormous boots.

“C’mon, then. Fuck, marry, kill.”

“Oh, hang on!” This had escalated far beyond your patience. “That’s not fair, I’m the only girl.”

“So?”

“So, I don’t wanna hear about all the ways you lot would choose to fuck me!”

“You think very highly of yourself, don’t you, Lieutenant?” Rimmer crossed his arms again, getting comfortable in his chair. “Who says anyone’s choosing you!”

“Yeah! I could choose to fuck Cat! He’s handsome enough, eh?”

Lister slapped his hand down on Cat’s shoulder, giving him a shake.

Cat brushed him off, his pointed teeth bared as he sneered.

“I don’t like the way this conversation is flowing.”

“Fine, then.” Rimmer gestured at you. “You first.”

They were all watching you now. There was no getting out of this. Expectant and eager for any entertainment, they hung on your every word.

“Well…” You put the book down on the table, face down with its pages open to keep your place. “I would probably fuck… Cat. He’s not a bad looking lad and it’s only the once. We’d probably have a great time.”

Obviously extremely pleased with your answer, Cat yowled and tugged at the front of his pink sequinned jacket.

“We would, baby. We could.”

“I might have to kill Kryten,” you added, though you felt bad. “I think he’d drive me mad.”

Rimmer shook his head.

“He doesn’t count.”

“Why not?”

“He’s not here!”

“Fine then. I’d kill Dave.”

“What!” Lister threw up his hands, offended. “Why!”

“Because you’d drive me mad too.”

“So you’d marry Rimmer over me?”

Having fun now, you didn’t even notice the way your own heart fluttered at the thought.

“Yeah, I reckon he’d make a good husband. Sensible, reliable, handy with a wrench…”

“You wouldn’t sleep with him, then.”

“Well, I s’pose if I married him, I’d get to fuck him all the time.”

Lister blinked.

Beside him, Rimmer had gone very still.

“Eh?” Lister said, starting to smile.

“What?”

“Get to.”

“What?”

“You said ‘I’d get to fuck him all the time’.”

You shook your head, heat rising in your cheeks. You couldn’t look at Rimmer.

“Have to. I said ‘have to’.”

“No, you did not,” Cat chimed in, grinning so widely you could see all his sharp teeth.

“Yes, I did.”

“Alright, leave her alone.”

Rimmer spoke with uncharacteristic gentleness as he held up a hand. You thought he might’ve tried to rest it on your shoulder if he’d been brave enough, if he was able to.

Lister grinned.

“There he is, Mr. Right, jumping in to defend his missus.”

Rolling your eyes, you returned your attention to your dinner.

“Anyway, it’s not happening for any of you. Just so we’re clear. You couldn’t sweep a girl off her feet with Kryten’s best broom.”

“I resent that!” Lister shamelessly nicked one of your chips. “I can be pretty charming when the moment takes me.”

Rimmer shot him a dark look.

“Lister, you couldn’t charm your way out of a paper bag.”

“Listen, I’d take you on the very most of most romantic dinners, wine and dine you like you’ve never been wined and dined before. And I’d bring you flowers. And I’d wear me best shirt.”

You smiled.

“The one with only two stains?”

“The very same.”

“Well, I stand corrected.”

“That’s nothing,” Cat drawled. “Baby, I’d find us a nice little patch of grass where we could lay out in the sun all day, watch the birds in the trees, maybe eat one if we can catch any…”

“That’s your idea of romance is it?”

“It’d work on me!”

Beaming, you turned to the only man who hadn’t said anything yet. For someone who gave his opinion so readily, Rimmer was keeping awfully quiet.

You propped your chin up on the heel of your palm, tilting your head to one side as you asked,

“Rimmer?”

“What?”

“Where would you take me?”

Rimmer glanced away, his brow furrowing under his H.

“I don’t know. I’ve never actually been on a proper date before. Not one where she didn’t shimmy out the bathroom window, anyway.”

“Well,” You laughed, shaking your head. “No chance of that here. What would you wanna do?”

“Would we be on the ship?”

“Yeah, if you like,” You smiled, starting to get excited now. This was turning out to be quite a fun game. “What would you plan if you were taking me out tonight?”

“Tonight? Oh, God, well…”

He crossed his legs under the table. For a moment, you forgot yourself and almost moved out of his way, before you remembered there was no need.

Even though you were all too highly aware of the fact that you couldn’t touch each other, you still found yourself fixating on how close Rimmer’s knee was to yours. Despite yourself, you kept hoping he’d move again so his leg might brush yours. It was a doomed hope, but hope was all you had.

You waited patiently as Rimmer tapped his chin with the tip of his index finger, quite happy to have an excuse to sit and watch him closely for a while.

“I’d start with my dress uniform,” Rimmer said at last. “I’d spend hours polishing my medals and my boots and- You know, I’d make sure I looked spick and span for you. Then I’d pick you up and we’d get dinner, I suppose.”

You smiled, thinking he was finished, and opened your mouth to reassure him that that was a perfectly fine date, but then Rimmer clicked his fingers.

“No! Of course, I’d take you to the observation dome. We both like to go there to watch the stars, so we’d have that in common. Maybe I’d bring a picnic or just a drink. And we’d just… Talk. I’d learn everything I could about you, about your life and what you want from the future. Then I’d tell you how beautiful you look under the starlight and hopefully, if I’m brave enough, ask if I could kiss you. Then I’d walk you home and… Ask if you’d like to go out again tomorrow.”

You stared. You were all staring. Because how could Rimmer, who didn’t have a single romantic bone in his non-existent body, come up with something so lovely?

You kept picturing it, what it would be like to see him standing outside the door to your quarters, all dressed up to the nines in his best suit, how he’d swagger about the place, making sure you knew just how romantic he was being. Sitting under the stars together, having a proper, grown-up conversation, with no fear of interruption, or jibes from the others, or brain-eating aliens from Xebbeon 5, or whatever mad situation you were dealing with that day.

And not for the first time, you thought about what it would feel like to kiss him, if by some miracle you could. Would he dare to touch you? Or let you guide him? How would his lips feel against yours, soft or worry-bitten? How would he taste, how would he sound as you pressed yourself into him, how would it feel to have his body melting with yours, his tongue in your mouth, his hands everywhere, his nose crammed against your cheek as he whimpered your name.

You cleared your throat. Your face was so hot, it took all your willpower not to fan yourself.

“Rimmer wins.”

While the others cried out their disappointment and disgust like disgruntled fishwives, you couldn’t resist smiling at the pleased look on Rimmer’s face.

“Oh, get lost,” Lister was scowling. “The man’s never even been on a date. Not one that didn’t end with him having to explain to the waiter that he’d been dumped mid-starter, anyway.”

“Yes, I have!”

“Name one.”

“McGruder!”

“A different one. You know, he only slept with her once and that’s it.”

Beside you, Rimmer visibly tensed.

You just shrugged.

“So? What does it matter how many times he slept with her? You only had one date.”

That last part was directed at Rimmer, who looked like he wanted to crawl into the airlock and launch himself into space.

“No, he’s only slept with one girl his whole life.”

That made Cat laugh but everyone else stayed quiet.

“Lister,” Rimmer hissed between his teeth.

It wasn’t often you saw him embarrassed. Considering how much they teased him, Rimmer took it all fairly well. Before they found you, you knew the boys had been living, and then surviving, together for years. Rimmer had obviously just got used to it.

That wasn’t to say he didn’t deserve it. He could be such an idiot sometimes, a pompous stickler who wasn’t happy if he wasn’t criticising. Sometimes, you wanted to put his head through a wall. But for some reason, you couldn’t help liking him. And seeing Rimmer shift uncomfortably in his chair made your chest lurch.

“Oh.” You were finding it very hard not to look at Rimmer like you wanted to rip his clothes off. “Well, so what? Some people find that attractive.”

“They do?”

Rimmer looked shocked.

“Oh, yeah?” Lister eyed you, smug as anything. “They do, eh?”

“Yes, actually.”

You hated being the only girl onboard. You hated having to be the one to teach these boys that women were actually, shockingly, just people, and not some mythical creature too complex to understand. You especially resented the idea of being a motherly figure, you weren’t here to teach them, to take care of them, so having to explain the female psyche left a sour taste in your mouth.

“It clearly meant a lot to him. He’s got an emotional side under all that neurosis. And some women quite like the idea of an inexperienced man. Someone you could guide and… Explore… And…”

You trailed off when you realised you were eyeing up Rimmer again. Just knowing only one person had seen him like that, and for only 12 drunken minutes, set your heart racing.

No one had ever touched him like they cared about him. No one had ever undressed him and kissed their way down his body, looked into his eyes and told him how lovely he was before kissing him like he was the most precious thing in the galaxy.

Not that you wanted to do that, you reminded yourself. This was all only hypothetical.

“And they’re so eager to please…” You added, your cheeks burning. “Some might say. I wouldn’t know.”

Rimmer had been watching your mouth as you talked. You put it down to the food-envy, you were still munching on your chips. You tried not to think about how it had been millions of years since he’d last tasted anything.

Across the table from you, Lister shrugged.

“Whatever.”

The conversation changed. The mood shifted back to something less tense. You just tried to enjoy your dinner and pay attention to whatever the boys were joking about. And when everyone decided to go watch a film in the cinema, you went along happily.

You felt Rimmer’s eyes on you for the rest of the night.

When, one by one, you all went off to bed, you thought the matter had been forgotten.

You pressed your hand against the keypad beside the door to your quarters, waiting to hear the familiar hiss and release of pressure.

“Did you really like my date best?”

The voice made you jump.

Rimmer was standing awkwardly a little way down the corridor. His and Lister’s quarters were just a few doors down from yours. Why they insisted on sleeping in the same bunks they were assigned long ago evaded you, but they were creatures of habit by now, you thought drawing attention to it would only cause an argument.

“Yeah,” you said, after you’d found your voice again. It faltered and stumbled as you worked your way through a reply. “Yeah, I thought it sounded nice, Arn.” You smiled. “We’d have a laugh.”

Rimmer laughed softly. It wasn’t a sound you were used to hearing but you liked it.

“Yes, I think we would. And you…”

“Yeah?”

His hands were folded behind his back, but from the way his shoulders shifted, you could tell he was wringing them nervously.

“You really don’t mind that I’ve only made love once?”

Suddenly, you could feel your heartbeat pulsing in your neck, your wrists, your throat.

“Why would I mind?” you asked quickly.

Rimmer blanched, as if he’d suddenly realised what he’d just asked you.

“Oh, God, no reason why you should at all! No. Stupid. Why would you- I don’t care if you care. I knew it was fine.”

“It is fine, Arnie.”

“Fine.”

You looked at each other for a moment. You had the sneaking suspicion that neither of you knew what was happening, what exactly was going on between you, but you could both feel something.

Finally, you cracked a smile and Rimmer’s shoulders sank with relief.

“And that other stuff…”

He took a few steps closer. Rimmer was still several feet away from you, but him closing the gap that little bit more made your chest lurch. Part of you wanted to close it even further but your feet felt bolted to the floor.

“That’s all… Stuff you’re interested in?”

You couldn’t help it. Your gaze dropped to his mouth, then his neck, his chest, down the length of his long legs, then back up again. It felt like an age passed between your eyes leaving his and meeting them again.

“Is that okay?” you asked, feeling oddly brave.

Rimmer nodded quickly.

“It’s fine.”

“Fine.”

A moment passed. Neither of you moved. Then Rimmer cleared his throat and turned away.

“Well, goodnight,” he said, and hurried off before you could say anymore.

You pulled in a lungful of air. You hadn’t realised you’d been holding your breath.

You watched Rimmer until he disappeared into his and Lister’s room and the doors had slid shut behind him.

“G’night, Arn,” you said, then went to collapse onto your bed.

Next Chapter

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