#that last pic is a mood in and of itself

[astraystayyh]

Say yes to me

after your seven minutes in heaven, hyunjin wants to plan out how he'll finally confess to you. except you come knocking on the door of his rented cabin unannounced. at 10:53 pm. the perfect time for love, he comes to learn.

pt. 2 of say yes to heaven. highly recommend reading it first (it's short i promise and it sets the mood ajsjd)

a.n: and if i told y'all i wrote this in one go... when i say hyune possesses me i MEAN it... these two pics sit at the same table for me, and three people asked for a second part and i can't say no to you guys!! ENJOY, feedback is highly appreciated as always <33

There are a lot of things that Hyunjin wishes he could say to you.

How he loves you is first.

Hyunjin never planned on keeping secrets from you. Ones he carefully tucked away at the corner of his mouth, ready to spill each time your gaze met his.

He still remembers when it all started vividly- how the friendship blossomed into something more for him, the way petals shyly unfurl on the first days of spring.

You were sitting next to him on the bench of your favorite park, ice cream in your hands. Hyunjin intently watched as you rambled about your latest essay, and the world seemed to fall into a tranquil silence, save for the sound of your voice.

Hyunjin suddenly found himself enthralled by the way the sunlight gently grazed your cheeks, painting them with the softest golden hue. One he tried to replicate many times in his paintings, but to no avail, as they could never live up to you.

How the light breeze danced upon your hair, swaying it gently from left to right. How your lips moved with each word, pulling him into an unyielding trance. Those very lips that graced his skin with kisses, months later, scorching themselves into his memory.

Sometimes it still felt surreal, almost too good to be true, that you left traces of yourself on him. That he had you graze his jaw and collarbones, tentatively, as if you were afraid to dive in fully. "I'd catch you", he wanted to say, "even if it meant I'd drown in the process."

He wasn't ashamed to admit that he took a picture of the lipstick stains you left on him. He didn't even realize they were there at first, that is until he went to Changbin's bathroom. There, under the dim lighting, he found that the blush creeping up his neck matched the shade of your lipstick. His body seamlessly entwined itself with everything that made you.

He felt like a shaky tree branch at your hands- dainty leaves falling at your feet, each one scribbled with love notes for you. And he could no longer contain this feeling within him. He was tired of this five month old secret. He wanted to be an open book, one you could read or toss around, as long as you'd touch it.

But he needed to gather his thoughts and plan how he'd say it. How he'd free this scary confession from the confines of his heart. He told you that you'd talk about it later, and it's already been twelve days since he's last seen you. He had to do it soon.

So he went to his cabin, the one he rents on the weekends when he needs to get away from the world. It's small, nestled away in a remote part of the town, with a golden chandelier dangling in its living room- it's where Hyunjin feels most like himself.

Hyunjin doesn't hear your car pulling up into the driveway. Or your hurried steps to the door. But he hears your urgent knocks, and he's confused as he pushes the doorknob down. Then he's worried when he notices that it's you, with puffy eyes and a slightly runny nose.

For a moment, he stood there, too stunned to articulate a proper question. You don't give him the time to properly organize his thoughts, anyways, as you take timid steps towards him, before wrapping your arms around his waist. Your cheek rests against his chest, right above his heart, and you're crying. Hyunjin can tell from the slight tremors coursing through your body; the very one he's hugging right now, tightly, securely, until you're pressed to him, like two pages of the same book.

His large hands are rubbing soothing circles on your back, and a myriad of questions swirls in his mind. But they can wait, until you stop crying- the one sight that can bleed his heart dry.

"You- you said we'd talk later," you say through hiccups, as Hyunjin's hand moves to the back of your head, gently smoothing down your hair.

"I did," he hums, slightly rocking you from left to right.

"Then why didn't you? You just... stayed silent. For two weeks."

"Twelve days."

"Hyune," you whine and he giggles slightly, pressing a soft kiss onto your temple.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you were waiting for me."

"Of course, I was," you lean back, the sides of his black shirt scrunched up in your hands. "I was tipsy but I... I remember."

"What do you remember?" he asks, as his thumb gently brushes away your trailing tears. He knows what happened that night, he replayed those seven minutes in his head so much that he could recite them by heart. Every breath you took, every shaky exhale you let out. He remembers it all too well.

"What you said to me."

His eyes soften at the quiver in your tone. "Why are you crying then, hm?"

"Because you didn't talk to me and I thought you didn't mean it. And I- I can't handle anyone else lying to me. Especially you."

Hyunjin shakes his head, as the strings of his heart dance to the erratic rhythm of his pulse.

"I could never lie to you. Not when it comes to this," he says with the utmost sincerity he can muster. He pauses, a gentle smile etched on his lips. "I have tea."

"Tea sounds good," you respond quietly.

"Come in, then."

He let goes of you, but you remain close, your shadows merging together on the wooden floor. Hyunjin smiles softly at the sight- he too wishes he could become one with you.

His hands are shaking slightly as he brings the water to a boil. You're wandering around, admiring the cozy interior, and the questions in Hyunjin's head can't seem to stop. What does this mean? he wants to ask. Do you want me like I want you? But he bites his tongue. Not until you've fully calmed down.

One minute.

"Here," he says, handing you a steaming cup of Jasmine tea. He leans his head against the wooden wall, as the steam fogs up his glasses.

"Thank you," you smile, settling into the seat opposite of him. "I like your ponytail."

"Oh," his hands reach up instinctively to his hair, tugging slightly at the ends of it. "It kept getting in my eyes so I tied it up."

"It suits you," you smile softly, and Hyunjin finds that the galaxy's stars are all shimmering in your eyes. He imagines the milky way weeping for the loss of its twinkling lights; but they look prettier in you, he thinks.

"How did you know I was here?" he asks, bringing the sweet drink to his mouth.

"Changbin told me," you reply.

Hyunjin nods, his eyes holding yours over the rim of his cup. He's nervous, a shaky mess from within, and he's unfolding right in front of you.

Two minutes.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Do you believe in love at first sight?"

His question seems to take you off guard. Your eyes slightly widen, before softening around the edges.

"It seems too unrealistic. But I'd like to think it exists. And you?"

"Despite being a hopeless romantic..." Your chuckle interrupts his words, and he finds that the sound of your laugh is much warmer than the drink in his hand. "I never believed in it. Because love is much deeper than a superficial level. It could be infatuation or a crush. But not love," he pauses, idly circling the rim of his cup with his finger. "But then I realized I was wrong."

His eyes captivate yours as he leans back, his sole attention on you. "They don't call it love at the first look, but rather love at first sight... You know, the first time you truly see someone. And I saw you."

Your breath hitches in your throat.

Three minutes.

"I saw you. I see you. how kind, gentle, and full of life you are. How you turn the most mundane sceneries into extraordinary ones, because your eyes are filled with colors we cannot see. But I saw them through you."

He smiles softly, his hand reaching out to the middle of the table, right where yours rested. His thumb gently grazes your palm, as he starts to speak again.

"It hurt me to see you with someone else. But he made you smile, at least at first. And I love your smile, so I was happy for you despite it. Because you deserve joy in your life, even if I'm not the one behind it. But then he hurt you," he pauses, his eyes tightly shut as if it physically pained him to utter these words. "And it hurts me to see you in pain. Because you deserve a love as gentle as you."

Four minutes.

"Hyune..." you trail off, and he shakes his head, a reassuring smile on his face.

"You don't have to say anything. You're confused and still hurt but I just needed you to know that."

"Know what?" you ask breathlessly, your hand now on top of his. You're hanging desperately onto his every word, you needed to hear it.

"That I love you."

Your fingers intertwine with his, and Hyunjin believes he has never truly breathed before this moment.

"I want to love you too, I do," you're quick to say. "You make me feel safe like I could hand you my heart and you wouldn't hurt it. But you also make me feel alive and I regret not seeing you first. Not when my love was still whole and not bruised."

"So you could love me?" he asks, a beaming smile brightening his face.

"I came crying to you because I thought you left me, and I couldn't bear it. You have your answer," you giggle sheepishly.

Five minutes.

"And you want to love me?"

"I do. I want to see you and notice a new detail about you every day. But I'm so scared, Hyunjin."

"It's okay to be scared. I don't want to rush you. I can wait."

"What if you get bored? Or if someone else catches your eye. I can't ask that of you."

Hyunjin squeezes your hand and the thoughts in your head go silent.

"I've waited for months for you. If it's you I get at the end then I can wait for an eternity."

"So you'll do it?" you smile incredulously. "You'll wait by my side?"

"Mm. I will."

Six minutes.

You're both quiet for a while, and he's too lost in you to count down the seconds. But then you clear your throat.

"Can we start waiting tomorrow?" you suddenly ask, walking up to him.

"What do you mean?" Hyunjin questions, the butterflies in him fluttering so intensely he's close to flying away.

"We're both here now," you whisper, as you sit beside him, his thigh brushing against yours. He licks his lips nervously.

"Can I try something?" you ask again, but this time you aren't drunk. You are less heartbroken and more sure of your feelings for him. You want this.

"I'm yours."

Your fingers reach up to cup his face, thumb grazing his cheeks gently. His hands hold your waist, beckoning you closer.

"I see you," you whisper, placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth. "I'm sorry it took me so long to see you."

"Love at first sight," he responds breathlessly as your lips graze his, and his heart threatens to burst out of his chest- they'll find your name carved in his veins.

"I believe in it now, Hyune," you grin, before crashing your lips onto his.

Seven minutes.

There are a lot of things Hyunjin wished he could say to you. Sappy things, like how he believes you invented colors, that it drips down from your fingertips grazing his skin- explaining the red and yellow dots dancing before his closed eyes.

How everything seems to be heightened with you- the taste of the Jasmine tea imprinted on your lips, or the breaths escaping his body, eager to be released and to finally mingle with yours.

Or that he wishes that you were wearing your red lipstick so that your mark on him would last longer. A physical token of what you do to his heart.

But there was also much simpler words he wanted to say, ones that he managed to whisper in between tender kisses- "thank you for seeing me."

One year.

Your arms encircle Hyunjin's broad back, as you rest your cheek on his shoulder blade. "You know it's criminal for you to look this good in a simple white tee," you sigh wistfully, Hyunjin's perfume enveloping you both in an intimate cocoon.

"Good thing I'm yours then," he chuckles and you beam in reply, although he can't see you. Hyunjin is yours- he waited just like he promised he would. And now you're back in his cabin, where it all began, and he's making you Jasmine tea.

"And I am yours," you plant a kiss on his back and he turns around, a wide smile on his face.

There is still a sense of relief you find sometimes in Hyunjin's features when you tell him that you love him. As if he can't still quite believe it, even after a year of dating. It is the look traced on his face right now- a slight awe as he looks down at you.

"You said yes to me," he says so faintly, as if speaking to no one but himself, and you nod, placing a gentle kiss on his wrist.

"I'll always say yes to you."

#skz x reader #stray kids x reader #skz imagines #stray kids imagines #stray kids imagine #stray kids scenarios #skz scenarios #hwang hyunjin x reader #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin imagines #skz fluff #stray kids fluff #hwang hyunjin fluff #hyunjin fluff #stray kids fanfic #skz reactions

[ktgoodmorning]

"Stop smirking, I'm mad at you"

Ona Batlle x reader

You and Ona get lost, inspired by this pic of her.

Masterlist

You were just in the process of jamming your feet in a pair of shoes when you heard the doorbell ring. Knowing it was your girlfriend coming to pick you up, you hobbled over to open it, still putting your shoes on. “Buenos días, cariño!” Ona greeted you with the same wide smile you had grown to love, giving you a peck on the lips before entering your apartment. 

“Hola, Oni. I’ll be ready in a second. Let me just grab my stuff.” Ona had made plans for the two of you to go hiking together, wanting to try out a new trail that Mapi had told her about. 

Hiking wasn’t your favorite thing but you could make an exception if it meant spending time with Ona. You trusted that she knew you well enough not to plan anything too long or you’d get tired of it, along with packing lots of snacks to make sure she could keep you in a good mood. 

You reappeared wearing a small backpack, ready for your short adventure, to find Ona sitting on your kitchen counter, waiting patiently. As soon as she saw you, she jumped down to give you another kiss. “All ready to go?” 

“Ready as I’ll ever be,.” You playfully rolled her eyes at her, knowing that you couldn’t have that bad of a time when you were with her. 

Ona stood up on her toes to meet you, kissing your nose, “you’ll have fun, I promise. Mapi said this was a good trail.”

“Oh so now we’re trusting Mapi to plan our dates?” 

“Okay. You got me there. But I do still think you’ll like this one.” You gave her a light chuckle as she pulled you towards the door, eager to get going and start your day together. 

The entire care ride there, Ona was excitedly telling you about your upcoming hike and everything that you might be seeing. She held your hand as she drove, constantly stealing looks at you to see if you were as enthusiastic as she was. You noticed her constant glances over at you and you found it amusing. It was sweet how much she cared about you having a good time with her, even if you both knew you always did. You gave her hand a squeeze, giving her a bit of reassurance as she drove. Even if you didn’t love the activity itself, you were excited to have this much uninterrupted time, just the two of you. Plus she had reassured you that it was supposed to be relatively short and easy so you knew you should be able to get through it without too many complaints. 

When she parked the car, the dark haired woman looked to you for reassurance once again. “Are you sure you want to do this? We can always do something else if you don’t want to.”

“Oni, I’m all in, okay? This sounds like it’ll be fun, and it’s not all that long anyways, I’ll be good I swear. I won’t even complain that much.” You gave her another kiss, hoping that she’d be settled by the fact that you were fully agreeing to this. It seemed to work as she gave you a quick nod. With that you left the car, ready for your girlfriend to lead the way. 

Ona was right that it did seem to be more interesting than some of the hikes you’d done. There was more to look at- more interesting flowers, a view of the water in the distance, it really wasn’t bad. It was a beautiful day so it made for good conversation as you moved alongside your girlfriend. At times you would stop to take a picture of the scenery or look at some bird that you saw off in the distance. It was nice, peaceful. 

After about an hour, you reached a small clearing that had a beautiful view of the ocean where you both decided to take a short break. Ona passed you the water bottle she brought for you as you both sat on some rocks, taking in the view. 

“So,” she looked over to you, “what do you think of the trail so far?” 

“You know, you were right. I like this one a lot better than the last, the scenery is better for sure.” 

“Well don’t tell Mapi cause it was her idea and she doesn’t need her ego inflated anymore.” You laughed as she put an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into her so you could rest your head on her shoulder. The Catalan immediately pressed a kiss to the top of your head while you just sat, lost in thought, taking in the peace and quiet.

You appreciated how Ona helped you get out of your comfort zone and expand your world. She could push you to do things you never normally would while still making sure you were comfortable. 

As it often did, your girlfriend’s voice broke you from your thoughts, “Should we start to head back so we make it in time for dinner?” 

You gave her a nod and she loosened her arm around you, both knowing that you’d be the first to start complaining once you got hungry. Once you stood up, you offered Ona your hand, pulling her up to join you, giving her a quick kiss as soon as she did. Her lips chased yours, not wanting to separate for long. You smiled deeply, loving how she could never get enough of you as she wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you in tight for a longer kiss. 

The two of you only separated when you heard another pair of hikers approaching, grinning at each other as you did so. “Shall we?” Ona offered you her hand and began to lead the two of you back in the direction you came from. 

You appreciated the peacefulness of the hike back. The sun had lowered slightly in the sky and was casting a new set of shadows across your path, illuminating the scenery in a new way. The new lighting made you take notice of things you hadn’t seen before on your way out- more flowers, more little rodents scampering down the trees next to you. It was beautiful. For a second you were almost enjoying the idea of hiking. 

At some point along the way, you noticed that at every split in the path Ona would stop and look around for a while before continuing picking which way to go. It seemed at first  like she was just taking in the view, just as you were doing, but her pauses became longer and longer the further you went. You started to take notice of this but figured she must have a reason. Ona knew what she was doing, she went on hikes somewhat regularly, so she would definitely know the way back better than you would.  

When you realized that you had been walking for an hour and a half and still saw nothing but trees ahead of you, concern started to wash over you. “Oni, you know the way back, yes?” 

Your girlfriend stopped briefly and gave you a look, eyebrows raised, “Of course I do. I just wanted to take a little different route back so we could see some more of the trail. Is that okay?”

”Of course, it’s beautiful. I’m glad we get to see a bit more of it.” You smiled at her, reassured that the change in route was intentional. Ona didn’t seem to return your smile as she turned back to the trail and continued to lead you forward. 

You continued to walk, keeping a close eye on Ona’s face as you did so, trying your best to read her thoughts. Her face would scrunch up in confusion at times as she tried to hide the way she continued to look around, trying to figure out her surroundings. The longer you walked, the more sure you were that you were lost. Your girlfriend didn’t realize how clearly her feelings showed on her face so it was becoming obvious to you how confused she was as she continued to try to find her way back to the car. 

After it had been about another half hour, you gave her hand a tug, making her stop to look back at you, a serious look across your face. “Oni, we’re lost.” You were surprised to see her roll her eyes in response, apparently ready to get defensive. Hoping to calm her down some, you lifted her hand in yours to place a soft kiss on the back of it. “It’s okay, just let me help you find our way back.”

“We’re not lost! I can get us back just fine!” she snapped at you before sighing heavily, apparently annoyed at you for questioning her. “I have snacks if you’re hungry or something but you need to trust me. I know what I’m doing!” she dropped your hand and started forward again, not bothering to look back at you. 

Even though you knew she was serious, it was so hard to take your girlfriend’s anger seriously. Especially with how she was now stomping down the path, it was like watching an angry toddler. She couldn’t help it, she was just so cute. When she offered you snacks in the middle of being mad at you, it was hard to take her bad mood personally. You smiled softly to yourself while continuing behind her

. 

As you followed her closely, you secretly pulled up the trail map on your phone. Ona made it clear she was frustrated that you questioned her but you just wanted to make sure you made it back before dark. 

When you came to another divide in the road, she stopped, eyebrows knit together, trying to decide which way was right. You wanted to stay quiet but when she tried to lead you the exact opposite direction from the car, you had to speak up. 

“Love, I think we need to go this way.” You tried your best to speak gently, not wanting to upset her any further. The trail map said that if you took the path you were suggesting, you’d only have a couple more minutes until you reached the car, much closer than either of you realized. Certainly it would be a much quicker way back than the way Ona was trying to currently lead you, directly away from the car. At this point you were just waiting for her to give up her stubbornness and agree that you were right. 

You didn’t notice the small smile that had crept onto your face as you both stood in a deadlock, staring at each other, until she finally broke.

“Stop smirking at me, I'm mad at you!” this time you definitely laughed at her as she was one step away from an actual tantrum. “Amorrrrrrrr, stop laughing at me.”

“Oni, you know I love you. And I’m sorry for laughing at you. But if we go this way, we’re literally less than five minutes from the car.” You took her hands in yours, calming her slightly as you spoke. The Catalan’s eyes were on the ground, seemingly ashamed to have gotten you lost on what should’ve been an easy hike. “Why don’t we head back to the car, we can grab some dinner, and then we’ll go back to my place and do the usual.” Ona finally looked up at you, confused by what you meant. “You know, the usual. We eat snacks, sit on the couch, ignore the TV, and make out.”

Your comment got a smile from her, the first one you’d seen in at least an hour. She gave you a shy nod, still not fully past the shame of leading you astray for the last two hours. “Oni, give me a hug.” Your girlfriend didn’t need to be told twice, launching herself into you without a second thought.  

She held you tightly, clearly needing the hug more than you realized, before she mumbled into your shoulder, “sorry for getting us lost.” “It’s okay, love. Just don’t tell Mapi cause she’ll never let you hear the end of it.” You gave her a short kiss before grabbing her hand again, this time taking the lead yourself and successfully making your way back to the car.

Masterlist

Feedback and requests are always welcome! :)

#barca femeni #barcelona femeni #woso imagines #fcb femini #woso one shot #woso #woso x reader #espwnt #espwnt x reader #woso imagine #ona batlle #ona batlle imagine #ona batlle x reader #Ona x reader #barcelona femeni x reader #wosoreadingona #wosoreading24/7

[indouloureux]

picturing a costar!reader where they are in an interview and joseph and reader keep flirting with each other during like a superlative game or something and it’s just super cute 😭😭😭

im not kidding you i had to write this three times because it wouldn't go into my drafts and i'm sorry if it sucks BECAUSE IT GOT LOST THREE TIMES 😭

there's a mischievous glint in his eyes as he looks at you through his thick eyelashes, fingers flicking the white card that bears questions that are exposing. the white lights are blinding, bright and hot as it puts you both into the spotlight of the audience behind the cameras and soon — millions of people.

"who was the last person you texted?" he asks you, words coming from the printed text of the card.

"your mom."

"what'd she say?"

"she sent me a pic of you in diapers."

"at what age?"

"at what age?" you repeat, incredulous with a small laugh. "are you telling me you wore diapers 'till you were six?"

a heat rises to his cheeks and render itself pink as joseph realizes he's pushed himself into a hole. he looks away from you and reads the next question. "if you were to—"

"hey, shut up. it's my turn." you whack your card with his. "if you were to take me out on a date, where would it be and why?"

his hands are clasped beneath the card, sitting between his legs as he sways in his chair. the question is suspiciously revealing, bearing what's teasing intention into forcing you to answer questions that oppose secrets and privacy. joseph clears his throat. "um, the movies."

"what movie?"

"whatever that's there."

"why?"

"because movies are romantic."

"what if we were watching something really sad like hereditary?"

"you're ruining the mood," he wrinkles his nose, narrowing his eyes at you. "i'm saying i'm trying to take you out on a date to the movies and you're asking me why?" you laugh. "just go on a damn date with me!"

he wishes desperately he would've have said it non jokingly.

"okay, my turn," he taps his nails on the card, making weird incoherent noises with his mouth before he reads the question you disrupted him from earlier. "if you were to cook something for me, what would it be and why?"

the imagination of you cooking for him sends a twinge of pink to his cheeks and face; feeling domesticity in the visualization. "probably steak," you tell him, swaying in your seat with your feet dangling. "coz i'm a really good cook when it comes to steak."

"i'll be the judge of that, darling,"

a warm shiver up your spine at the sobriquet. "um, if you were to listen to a song, what song would it be?"

joseph's breath hitches. out of all questions, really, this one was what he hoped he would never get. he could easily lie, however, you'd found a bluff in him when he lies so there's no point in swiveling to another corner.

"dance the night away by van halen."

"oh god," you cover your laugh with the card. "thought you were going to say up and down by venga boys and i was prepared to lunge at you."

he laughs, looking at the people behind the camera before he turns back to you. "'d you know that song?"

"a bit," you admit. "give me a lyric."

"um—...fooled me with her style and ease; and I feel her from across the room yes, it's love in the third degree,"

you pretend he doesn't mean anything by that song, exchange oblivious glances as you sway in your seats nervously. joseph laughs the awkward pain away, and you clear your throat as he reads the next question.

reblogs and feedback are appreciated <3

#joseph quinn blurb #joseph quinn x reader #joseph quinn x you #joseph quinn x y/n #joseph quinn fluff #joseph quinn fic #joseph quinn fanfiction #joseph quinn #blurb #eddie munson #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson fic #eddie munson fanfiction

[catb-fics]

Valentine’s Surprise

Words: 5.8k

Warnings: none, just Valentine’s fluff… and puppies! Sorry if this is naff I wrote it a few years back 💕

Imagines Masterlist Main Masterlist

"Aww... look at this one! That's the cutest photo!" You hold your phone out to your boyfriend who's sitting next to you on the sofa and he looks up from his guitar.

"You looking at pics of me again love?" Van grins, and you swat at him playfully.

"God you don't half fancy yourself!" You giggle. "I'm looking at these puppy photos from the rescue centre that I was telling you about. There's a whole litter of Labrador puppies! And they all need homes!"

You emphasise the last two words, looking at Van with puppy-dog eyes of your own and you watch as his brow furrows into a little crease. You know exactly what's coming next.

"Y/N, we've talked about this..."

"I know, I know." You feel your eyes roll upwards as you mimic Van's words. "You're always away and I'm always busy. We don't have time for a pet."

"Well? It's true though isn't it? What happens when I'm off on tour and you want to go away for the weekend with your friends, huh?"

You've been with Van for coming up to a year now. At first the excitement of dating a real-life, famous, touring rockstar superseded any feelings of loneliness or longing when he was away, but since you fell into your routine and then you and Van finally got a place together last month, you've been feeling it more and more. The gorgeous house you bought together on the North Wales coast with picturesque views of Llandudno Bay feels alive when Van is home, but when he's thousands of miles away the rooms seem bigger and more stark when they're not filled with him and his accompanying clutter.

"Maybe your mum and dad could look after it when we're both away," you suggest hopefully. "You know how they love dogs. And they miss Little Mary so much..."

"Babe... they're so busy with the guesthouse, you know that." Van's voice is soft, he hates letting you down and you sigh, resigning yourself to the fact that it'll just be you rattling around this big old house on your own when he goes away on Catfish's American tour next week.

"I still can't believe you're going to be away for Valentine's Day too," you say, trying not to sound sulky but you can hear it in your voice.

A melancholy state has settled itself around you and much as you try not to let it show, Van notices. He swings the guitar off his lap, leaning it up against the side of the chair, and outstretches an arm to you.

"C'mere love, don't be sad."

You force a little smile which then turns genuine as soon as Van's fingers curl around your shoulders and he pulls you close to him so you're leaning right against him on the sofa, your head on his chest.

"I'm not sad, I just miss you when you're away, that's all. I thought it'd get easier but it doesn't. And I wanted us to do something special for Valentine's Day."

Van plants a soft kiss on the top of your head. "We don't need a special day. I hate all that commercial crap. I tell ya every day how much I love ya don't I?"

You tip your head up to look at your boyfriend and his warm smile is contagious, your somber mood melting away. "Yeah I know," you concede, reaching up to meet his lips in a sweet kiss.

Van's away for three weeks on tour and you try to keep yourself busy. The days are fine as you have deadlines to meet at work and the pressure means that you don't have much time to dwell on missing him. Your friends and family rally around in the evenings, taking you for dinner and surprising you with unexpected visits. The nights are hard though. You've got so used to the feel of Van's warm body against yours at night and the comfort of his arms around you as you drift off to sleep that you find yourself tossing and turning in bed, chasing sleep.

Valentine's Day rolls around and you wake up with a quiet kind of excitement in your belly at the thought of what Van might do to surprise you. He said he hated the commercial side of Valentine's Day but he's such a romantic there's absolutely no way he'll let the day slip by without doing something. You climb out of bed, making for the shower, your head full of bouquets of red roses, cards with declarations of undying love and heart shaped balloons. You've not been able to buy anything to send to Van but it's not like you can get anything delivered to him when he's on tour and moving from place to place. However you have managed to bag tickets to see The National play when they're touring the UK two months from now. You just know Van will be delighted.

You check the wall calendar in the kitchen which you've marked with all of Catfish's tour dates, even though you've memorised every single one. They played their last show of the tour in New York last night, and they've got a free day today and then they fly back the following day. It won't be long now!

Despite missing him like crazy you're in a great mood at the thought of having him back home. You're just filling the kettle to make another cup of tea before you leave for work when you hear the letterbox clatter open and post fall on to the mat. You're so excited you actually let out a silly little cheer as you rush down the hallway, eyes fixed firmly on the large red envelope that's lying there.

You can barely contain yourself as you pick up the envelope, turn it over and...

It's junk mail...

You stare at the envelope for a while, disappointment sinking heavily in your gut, like if you look at it for long enough maybe it'll transform into a beautiful card full of sentimental messages, but no. The other post is just bills.

You try to console yourself with the fact that a simple card would probably not be enough for Van. He's likely going to do something far more grand like send a romantic surprise to your workplace, or even better, maybe he's written you a song and he's going to FaceTime you later and sing it to you. Yes... that's definitely more Van's style.

You arrive at work to a full inbox of emails and the phone ringing off the hook so you busy yourself straight away. Your mind wanders to Van often but New York is five hours behind so you don't want to call him and risk waking him up.

You're engrossed in processing an invoice when you hear an excited squealing sound from across the office and you look up to see a delivery driver walking across the reception area holding a huge bouquet of red roses.

"Y/N, look! Look at those! Bet they're for you!" Your colleague Emma is practically bouncing up and down with delight as she looks at you, her face all lit up. "Bet they're from Van! Oh my god he's so romantic. You're really lucky!"

You smile shyly, your face starting to glow as all your co-workers turn to look at you, murmuring in agreement. Van's been into the office on several occasions and managed to charm everyone with his infectious personality. Even your miserable old boss warmed to him straight away. I mean how could she not? His affable nature and unfailing politeness seems to impress even the most disagreeable of people.

The flowers are beautiful. There's got to be at least three dozen roses, arranged beautifully and hand-tied with a silky white bow, and you step forward to take them off the courier before he's even had a chance to look at the delivery note on his clipboard.

"I knew Van wouldn't forget," you say dreamily, admiring the scent of the flowers, reaching for the small white card nestled among the petals.

"What's it say Y/N?" One of your other colleagues shouts out.

"Yeah, read it out!" Emma urges. "Bet it's dead poetic with him being a song-writer!"

All eyes are on you as you set the bouquet down on your desk, smile a mile wide and cheeks as red as the flowers. You open the card with a flourish, ready to be romanced... and then the smile slips right off your face....

"Emma, be mine... from your secret admirer..."

The office falls silent apart from Emma who lets out a screech of pure disbelieving joy. You quickly swallow your dismay, trying to be happy for your friend, painting a smile back on as you hand over the bouquet.

"Wow Emma, you're so lucky. Who d'ya reckon it is?" You mutter as your colleagues all gather around, excitedly discussing who Emma's mysterious admirer is.

You join in for a while, then slope off to the kitchen to make a cuppa. Half the morning's gone and you've still not heard a thing from Van. You slip your phone out of your pocket, bringing up Van's contact, smiling at the daft accompanying picture of him that's displayed before placing the call.

The phone rings and rings, eventually going to voicemail and you quickly replace it in your pocket whilst you stir your tea. You need to snap out of this despondent mood that you're in. It's only 11:00 and there's plenty of time for Van to get in touch. Knowing him he probably went all out at the show last night. Maybe the guys went for celebratory drinks after and he's suffering from a hangover? Yes... that's it... it must be.

The rest of the day slips past and you check your phone often, losing a little more hope each time the blank screen glares back at you. By the time your working day is over you've tried to place four more calls to Van and sent three texts to no reply, and the last one was definitely snarky. You curse yourself, wishing you could retrieve it, why get into an argument over something so petty? It's not like Van's committed a serious misdemeanour, he's probably just forgotten... but then it's your first Valentine's Day together and he knows what a hopeless romantic you are. He could have done... something.

You trudge to the car park and slump down into the driver's seat and your stereo kicks into life as you start the ignition. The haunting sound of an acoustic guitar fills the car, followed by Van's smooth voice.

You know when you’re gone I struggle at night

Dreams of you fucking me all the time

Now I know you're tied up

And I know your phone's fucked

I'm craving your calls like a soldiers wife

I wanna bring you home myself

I wanna bring you home myself

You quickly jab at the buttons of the stereo, ending the song. The last thing you need is to hear the lyrics that Van penned whilst he was on tour and pining for his ex-girlfriend.

I bet she got flowers on Valentine's Day...

You push the thought away, putting your car into gear and reversing out of the parking space. You've never compared yourself to Van's exes in the past, you know it's a dangerous path to go down, but you're starting to wonder just how special he thinks you are if he can't even be bothered to return a phone call. Then your thoughts go to the line 'I'm craving your calls like a soldier's wife'. Maybe you're not so different. Maybe this is what you've got to look forward to. With the guys' fame steadily growing they're bound to be touring more. You look into the future and all you can see are lonely nights, rushed phone calls, and a painful longing that can only be soothed by the one man who happens to be 3000 miles away over the Atlantic.

"Stop being so fucking dramatic Y/N," you mutter to yourself, pulling up to wipe the tears that have started to gather in your eyes away before you start your journey home.

You try to concentrate on the good things whilst you drive along. The little notes Van sometimes leaves around the house for you to uncover. The mornings when you wake up to an empty bed but then find him in the kitchen, cooking up some bacon just how you like it. His messy hair and silly sleepy face when you wake up next to him in the morning. His soft, gentle caresses when you make love...

You really shouldn't be getting so worked up about something so trivial. Nevertheless you still have a heavy heart as you pull up on your driveway and open the car door. The February days are starting to lengthen, but the weather's been overcast all day and the light's already fading fast. You look up at the dark house, thinking to yourself even that looks lonely.

The first sign that something's not right strikes you as soon as you insert your key into the lock. You can see a faint glow through the frosted glass and you freeze where you're standing, mentally scrolling through your morning routine, trying to remember whether you might have rushed out, leaving a light on. You're usually so meticulous, Van even calls you neurotic with your obsessive compulsion to check, double check and even triple check that everything's switched off before you leave the house.

But now you look closer it doesn't look like a light's been left on, it's more like a warm flickering glow...

FUCK! The house is on fire!

You let out a strangled cry at the horrific thought, twisting the key so hard it almost snaps in the lock, flinging the door open with force...

"Oh my god!" You gasp, taking in the scene.

The house is in darkness but the stairway right in front of you is alight with gently flickering tea-lights. There's two on every step, lighting a pathway upstairs and you look up, expecting to see Van standing there, but he's not.

"Van?" You call, still in shock and choked up with emotion, wondering what on earth he's doing here when he should be in New York.

"Up here babe, follow the trail!" His voice drifts down from somewhere upstairs and you feel the tears that were threatening to fall earlier stinging your eyes. You can't help it. You're overcome with the realisation that Van's actually up there right now, and you get to see him. Tonight.

You drop your bag and coat right there on the floor in the hallway, kicking off your shoes and keenly stepping forward, taking the steps quickly, eager to see Van, calling up to him as you go.

"What the hell are you doing here? You're not supposed to be flying back until the day after tomorrow. I've been trying to call you all day. I thought you were ignoring me, I thought..."

Your words tail off as you reach the top step, noting that the trail of candles leads directly into the bathroom, so you follow them, coming to a stop in the doorway of the room.

The room's full of candles and there's a silver bucket perched on the sink containing what looks like a bottle of champagne. Van's sitting there on the side of the bath which is full to the top with the most fragrant bubbles. He's wearing just his boxers and a black shirt which is unbuttoned, and the widest smile as he looks up at you.

"Happy Valentine's Day love," he says softly.

Your hand shoots up to your mouth, stifling a gasp. "I can't believe you're actually here!"

The tears start to flow. You can't control them, you're just tired and emotional and now you're just so goddamn happy that you feel overwhelmed.

Van's smile is instantly replaced with concern and he springs up, reaching out for you. "What're you crying for? What's up? I thought you'd be pleased to see me!"

His hands go to your waist and he draws you in close. You slump forward into his arms, your whole body going slack. You wrap yourself around him tightly, burying your head in his bare chest.

"I am pleased to see you! It's nothing... really. You'll just think I'm being silly!" You sob quietly into his chest.

He gently places his hands on your shoulders so he can move back slightly to look at you. You relent, letting him move away, even though it's a wrench to leave his warm body.

"Come on... tell me what's up. What's happened?"

You take a deep breath, wiping your eyes with the heel of your hand, trying to compose yourself. Van's made all this effort for a romantic evening and you're standing there a sobbing, snotty-nosed mess.

"It sounds silly now but I just thought you'd forgotten me. You didn't send a card, and then Emma got these gorgeous flowers at work and everyone thought you'd sent them to me, and you weren't even answering my calls... and I feel stupid now because here you are. Ughhh... just look at me."

You catch sight of yourself in the mirror as you reach out to grab a tissue and you look all red-faced and blotchy. You cover your face with your hands but feel Van's hands on yours, pulling them away. He places his fingers under your chin, tipping your face up towards his.

"Shit Y/N... I'm really sorry. I planned all this two weeks ago and booked a flight for right after the last show. I wanted it to be a surprise, that's why I didn't tell ya. Of course I wasn't going to forget ya. How could I? Come on, please don't cry."

He stretches out his thumb to catch a stray tear that's started to track down your face.

"It's so good to see you," you say, your voice coming out a little cracked. "I've missed you so much."

Van beams down on you and you take all of him in. He looks happy but tired like he always does after a tour. There's a tinge of darkness under his eyes and they're slightly puffy but there's still that sparkle there.

"I've missed you too love," he replies. "I swear it gets harder every time I go away, but it makes coming home all the better."

He holds out a hand to indicate the scene. "So... what d'ya think? It's your favourite bubble bath, that vanilla stuff you love. Sorry I didn't get you flowers or a card though..."

"No... no," you cut him off. "Don't apologise. This is... perfect. You're perfect."

You stretch up on your tip toes to plant a small kiss on his lips, all your worries melting away.

"I can't wait to give you your real present," he grins, fingers curling around your hips.

"Oh really? I can't guess what that's going to be!" Your tone is teasing, anticipating the possible meaning behind his words. Van's a passionate person and after three weeks of being apart you know that he'll certainly be wanting to get reacquainted with you properly in every sense.

He pretends to look offended, shaking his head. "What are you trying to say?"

"Nothing that hasn't been said a million times before!" You laugh, grasping the hem of your t-shirt and pulling it up over your head.

"Anyone would think I had an ulterior motive! All I want to do is take a bubble bath with my beautiful girlfriend, drink a little champagne, maybe have a cuddle..."

"Oh... it's just a cuddle you want then? Right... I'll remind you of that then in a little while..."

You unzip your skirt and step out of it, watching Van slip his shirt off his shoulders until you're both standing there in your underwear.

"Ladies first," he gestures towards the bath. "I'll get this bottle open."

The bath looks so inviting with steam gently rising off the sweet-scented bubbles and the muted glow of the candlelight all around makes for a romantic setting. You smile to yourself, wondering why you ever doubted Van as you slip out of your underwear and step into the water, letting out a sigh at how good the warmth feels on your tired muscles. You sink down into the water, leaning back to look at your boyfriend. He hands you a glass of champagne, smiling down on you.

"I know most of the day's already gone, but I intend to make up for it. This is going to be the best Valentine's Day you've ever had."

You take a sip from your glass, the bubbles bursting on your tongue. "It already is the best..."

"And there'll be plenty more to come... and they're only going to get better and better."

He places his glass down on the side of the bath and slides his boxers down his hips, kicking them off. Then he's stepping into the water and coming to a rest facing you, curling his hands around your legs and lifting them so they're resting over his, his fingers tracing little patterns on your damp skin. God, you hadn't realised how much you missed his touch. Even after all the time you two have been together, something magical happens when you feel his skin on yours. You feel a flood of heat down low in your body.

"So... what's this surprise then? Can I have it now?" You say flirtatiously, looking at Van through your lashes.

He grins back at you, his fingertips trailing slightly higher, making your breath catch in your throat. "Nu-huh, not yet..." he says, tip-toeing his fingers up your thighs, his blue eyes glimmering with more than a hint of hunger now. "Think you can wait a bit longer?"

"No..." You shake your head slowly, catching your bottom lip in your teeth, fixing him with a look that's pure mischief.

You reach for Van's shoulders, pulling yourself up fully on to his lap so your body is flush against him. His hands move to your waist, his fingers splayed wide. "You can do what ya like to me and I'm still not gonna tell ya. You're gonna have to wait like I said..."

"Please," you purr, looking at him wide-eyed, but he just smirks back at you.

"Patience love..."

You're obviously going to have to up your game, but that's fine. You just happen to know all of Van's weaknesses. You dip your head, planting small, sweet kisses all over the skin of his shoulder, following the dusting of freckles there, moving towards the junction of his neck.

You hear his breathing deepen as your lips reach his neck, and your kisses turn more passionate, sucking gently at his skin. You breathe in the scent of him, hear him let out a small sigh as he tips his head back.

"Babe, you're not playing fair..."

"Hmmm... I know..." you hum against his skin, satisfied when you concentrate your efforts on that spot that makes him squirm and feel his pulse quicken under your lips.

"Fuckin’ ‘ell... you drive me crazy!"

You feel a hand on the back of your head, winding through your hair and raise your head to look at Van, seeing the affection and desire simmering in his eyes.

You lean in to kiss him, and when your lips connect you're overcome by your need for him, pushing your body into his, feeling his arousal in the water.

"I love you..." you breathe into his mouth, and he kisses you with a passion that makes your head spin.

"Love you too babe... so much," he replies in between kisses.

Making love to Van when he's back from tour always feels like the first time again. You're both so hungry and desperate for each other that you're a tangled mess of limbs and clashing hips, hands and lips on every available piece of skin. Your bodies move against each other, slick from the water, creating a delicious friction that has you both voicing your pleasure, your sensual moans and sighs filling the air.

Van buries his head in the crook of your neck as he lets himself go, breathing your name against your skin. You both cling to each other like you're afraid to let go, Van with his hands wrapped tightly around your waist and you with your arms around his back whilst your breathing returns to normal, hearts still racing.

"Oops I think I might have scratched your back up!" You giggle eventually, and Van chuckles.

"I love it... you're like a little wildcat!"

"Can't help myself," you laugh, disentangling yourself from his arms as he protests.

"Don't go... I was enjoying that," he says, sticking his bottom lip out in a silly, sulky expression. His hair's damp from the humid air in the bathroom and his pale skin is flushed from the warm water and he looks so bloody cute that you hesitate, but then you remember his comment from earlier.

"Oh... I want my surprise now... unless that was it?"

Van puts on a mock-offended tone, raising a hand to his chest like he's nursing a broken heart. "Am I not enough for you love? I'm deeply hurt!"

"Well... a girl's gotta keep her options open," you tease. "But I'm not opposed to a bit more cuddling if you insist!"

You manoeuvre yourselves in the bath so Van's sitting behind you and you're leaning back into him, your back against his chest. You sip your champagne, catching up on life, Van telling you all about the tour and you telling him about what you've been up to whilst he's been away. You feel at peace when you're in his arms, and you think there's nowhere else in the world you'd rather be at that precise moment. He completes you.

After a while Van starts to fidget behind you. "We'd better get out. I reckon your surprise should be arriving any time now... and if we stay in here any longer we're gonna be shrivelled up like prunes!"

You don't want to move, but the bubbles have dispersed and the champagne's been drunk and the water has cooled, so you reluctantly peel yourself away from Van, rising up out of the water and grabbing two large bath-towels from the towel rack.

"What on earth have you got planned McCann?" You eye him suspiciously as you both dry yourselves off.

"Wait and see... you're gonna love it..."

You both slip into the fluffy bathrobes that Van proudly presented to you after his last tour, when he delightedly recounted the tale of how he'd pinched them from some posh hotel the band had stayed in. Every time you wear them it makes you smile to yourself. Despite the band's level of fame these days Van is still that same, cheeky teenager he was when the band first started out. He still gets overwhelmed by fancy hotels and plush suites, and his humble nature is just one of the many things that you love about him.

"Come on love... let's go downstairs... it's nearly time!" 

The excitement is evident in his voice as he grasps your hand, guiding you out of the bathroom. You're bursting with intrigue now, wondering what he has planned. It's got to be at least 7pm by now, what on earth could be arriving at this time? It's far too late for a courier to be bringing something. But you don't have to wait long...

The doorbell rings as you're making your way down the stairs and you can just make out a shadowy figure behind the frosted glass.

Van wastes no time in flinging the door wide open, the chilly February night air flooding the warm house. You're shocked to see Larry standing there with his usual boyish grin on his face.

"Alright Y/N? Good to see ya!"

Then before you can reply his eyes move swiftly between you and Van, taking in your attire, and you watch as they bulge a little as he steps back, suddenly awkward.

"Shit! Have I interrupted something?"

You giggle, ushering Larry inside. "No, no... of course not. Come in Larry, it's bloody freezing out there!"

He hesitates. "Hold on..." Then his eyes flick to Van. "You... errr ready for 'em then?"

"What the hell are you going on about?" You ask, bewildered, watching the boys exchange secretive glances.

Van turns to you, hands on your shoulders. "Right... I want to you to go and sit in the living room, okay? And you've got to keep your eyes closed."

"But..." you start, but Van cuts you off, steering you backwards down the hallway as he speaks.

"Come on, don't ruin the surprise. It'll be worth it, I promise. Just go and sit down and shut your eyes. And don't open them until I say so. Okay?"

"Okay!" You reply, your mind whirling with possibilities, your stomach teeming with butterflies. You just know it's going to be something special by the excited twinkle in Van's eyes.

You do as instructed, taking a seat on the sofa, your ears straining to catch Van and Larry's hushed tones as they plot in the hallway.

"They're cute an' all mate, but they're a bleeding nightmare. One of 'ems already chewed up a pair of my trainers!" You hear Larry hiss before you hear his footsteps trailing outside to his car. Now you're even more confused. What the hell is going on?

There's quiet for a moment as both boys step outside, presumably to Larry's car. You can just make out Van's excited chatter but the words are unintelligible. Your heart's practically beating out of your chest with suspense now as you hear them enter the house again.

"You got your eyes closed?" Van calls and you shout back that you have, screwing them shut as tight as you can.

Your ears are pricked to pick up the slightest sound as you hear Larry's heavy footsteps followed by Van's softer ones, his bare feet slapping on the wooden flooring of the hallway. But there's another sound too, a quiet whimpering sound getting closer. It sounds remarkably like a small animal, maybe a dog... maybe a puppy...

"Oh my god!" You squeal, as your eyes flick open to see not one, but two tiny golden Labrador puppies, one in Van's arms and one in Larry's.

You shoot on to your feet in an instant and Larry's holding his arms outstretched, offering the tiny puppy to you which you accept gently, and it immediately nestles into your arms, pressing its small wet nose against your chest.

"Van!" You cry, shocked. "You did it, you got a puppy... well two puppies! But I thought you said we shouldn't get one?"

Van tears himself away from making gooey-eyes at the small bundle of fluff in his arms to look at you. "Yeah, well... I got round to thinking maybe we could manage after all. And Benji's mum said she'd be happy to look after them if we're ever both away. And I thought maybe you'd need a man about the house when I'm away on tour next!"

"Or two!" Larry adds, nodding at the puppy you're holding.

"They're both boys?" You say, stepping over to pet the puppy that Van's holding, laughing as it immediately starts to try and climb out of Van's arms and into your already overloaded arms. "Hey there little fella!"

"Oh that's right," Van chuckles, looking down at the escapee. "I'm the one who picked you and now you don't even wanna know me! I can see how this is going to go!"

Van beckons for you to sit down again and both puppies excitedly climb all over you, wagging their tiny tails and burrowing into the fabric of your robe. You're still in disbelieving amazement, totally enamoured of your new pets.

"Van... I still can't believe it. I don't know what to say! Thank you so much. Oh my god I feel like crying again!"

You're overcome with emotion again but hold it in, partly embarrassed as Larry's still standing there. He's got the biggest smile on his face as he watches you cuddling the puppies. "I tell ya what Y/N, Van's been driving me up the wall with planning all this out! He was on the phone to the rescue centre practically every day for the last two weeks. Even had me ringing up too!"

Van grins at his best friend. "Thanks mate I owe ya one."

"Yeah, well you definitely owe me a pair of new trainers!" Larry grumbles but he's still smiling. "And he was so sure he was only getting one dog... then when we turned up there this afternoon to pick him up, soft lad here decides he can't leave with just one! You're lucky you didn't get about five of 'em! I had to drag him away in the end!"

"Well?" Van says, dropping to his knees to tickle one of the puppies under the chin. "Look how cute they are! And I reckoned Little Van needed a pal!"

"Little Van?" You blurt out. "Oh no, I'm naming them. We're not calling one Van! Maybe we could call one of them Bob?"

You giggle as one of the puppies clambers up your body, trying to lick your face. "You're cute like Bob aren't you?" You coo at him.

You're all laughing, and then Larry loudly announces that he's going. "I'll be off then... leave you two lovebirds to it."

Van sees Larry out and then he's back, flopping down on the sofa next to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. "You all good then Y/N?"

"Hmm? Yeah... yeah..." you reply, barely looking up, too engrossed in your new pets. "Oh look at this one. Look at his little face! You're just adorable aren't you? Oh Van... look at him... Van? Van?"

There's no response so you look up eventually, and you find Van is watching you intently. His gaze is pooling with so much love and adoration it makes you pause, a warm glow flooding you.

"What?" You say quietly.

"Nothing love... It's just seeing you so happy like this... it makes me realise how happy I am too. We're like a little family now aren't we?"

You move closer to Van, the little puppies whimpering and nuzzling into both of you.

"Yes," you say. "Yes we are."

#valentines fic #catfish and the bottlemen #van mccann #van mccann x reader #fanfic #vanfic #valentines countdown

[tagedeszorns]

I got tagged by @aphrodites-bloody-rose for an ask-game.

And since I'm an EC-fan and therefore vain, I answer it.

Last Song Listened To: Johnny Cash's "Hurt". Because when I drove to work a car with "HU-RT"-license plate was in front of me and the song immediately stuck itself in my head.

Currently Reading: I'm taking a Warhammer-reading break and am currently reading "Master and Margarita" by Mikhail Bulgakov. @legiopraesagio recommended it to me and I am not disappointed. Such a great book.

Currently Watching: Just rewatching stuff. I don't have any concentration for new shows or movies at the moment. I try watching a german TV-series that's taking place in my neighbourhood, but I get way too upset about how unnecessary complicated routes they are taking.

Currently Obsessed With: Still Warhammer, but with less involvement into fandom. I feel I've read every "What cell phone plan would the Primarchs have"-post and seen every "The Primarchs as ice cream sandwiches"-pic. 😉 So - minipainting. I'm not much in drawing mood at the moment, but learning something new with each painted little guy is very satisfying. Currently working on two lorge bois.

Passing the tag-game along to @legiopraesagio, @kingwithpaintedfingers, @leaofthewolves, @leo-fie, @vlka-fenryka

#warhammer #tag game #obsessions #Youtube

[punchdrunkdoc]

Part 3, Chapter 3

Summary: After the events of S3, Matt Murdock is trying to once again balance life as a lawyer and a vigilante. But he’s been scarred by loss and betrayal - will a mysterious new neighbour help him heal? Or will her secrets drag him back into the darkness?

Notes: This is a slow burn romance with an original female character, told in 3 (maybe 4??) parts. There is mystery, intrigue, action/violence and angst - all the good stuff!

Also available on AO3 and Wattpad

Masterlist

Reference pics

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PART 3

Chapter 3

The next morning, Matt smiled as he walked passed the florist on his way to work, the rich, heady scent of roses filling the air.

Yesterday, that fragrant reminder of the upcoming romantic celebration had only added to his bad mood - the bad mood caused by a week spent worrying about Calina and her strange phone call, and a month and a half spent missing her. The fact that Valentine’s Day was approaching meant he was bitterly reminded of what was taken from them, and what other couple’s took for granted - the chance to be with each other.

But today, he was actually feeling…optimistic.

Calina may have been a few days early, but she’d given him the perfect Valentine’s gift:

Hope.

Her brief visit last night had spurned him out of his morose despondency. It was the catalyst he’d needed to realise that it was time to stop dwelling on the negatives and obsessing over what they’d lost.

Instead, it was time to focus on the positives. They were both still alive. Still healthy. And still fighting for each other. Distance didn’t matter. Being temporarily separated didn’t matter. They loved each other. They would have the rest of their lives together. A few months apart was nothing compared to the years to come.

Matt had been dealt some crap hands throughout his life - losing his sight. Losing his father. Losing again and again. But he’d always found a reason to stay in the game. To accept the defeats and find the will to carry on playing.

This was no different.

He just had to have faith that God’s plan would reveal itself.

And this morning, he felt like he was finally getting a glimpse of the tapestry. He was finally seeing the beauty in the chaos. This separation would only strengthen them as a couple. It would serve to reinforce their bond, and ensure that they never took each other - or their happiness together - for granted.

“You seem…better,” Karen commented when Matt reached the office.

Matt shrugged. “I feel better.”

“That’s good.” She gifted him with a wide smile, and Foggy patted him on the shoulder.

It made Matt realise how much his foul mood had been impacting his friends and their workplace. “I’m sorry, guys,” he said. “For being such a miserable bastard the last couple of months.”

“I wouldn’t say ‘miserable bastard’,” Foggy replied. “That’s a bit harsh. ‘Forlorn asshole’, maybe. Or ‘wretched son of a bitch’ would be more accurate.”

Matt laughed. “Okay, okay, I get it. I’ll try to be more upbeat from now on.”

“What brought on this sudden change in attitude?” Foggy asked.

Matt couldn’t help his smile. “I saw Calina last night.”

“So you got laid! That explains everything!”

Karen slapped Foggy’s chest with the back of her hand. “God, Foggy.”

Matt just laughed. “No, it was just a quick visit. But it helped give me some perspective. It’s like you said, Fog - this is just a long distance relationship. It won’t last forever…and other couples go through similar experiences all the time.”

“Exactly, man. Astronauts.”

Matt smiled. “Yeah. Astronauts.”

“She’s Neil Armstrong, and you’re the little lady waiting back on earth.”

Matt rolled his eyes. “Something like that.”

“Okay,” Foggy said, rubbing his hands together. “Well, since you’re in such a good mood, you can take point on the meeting with the new nightmare client, while I finish off the brief for the Chisholm case.”

“Nightmare client?” Matt asked.

“Yeah, a tenant dispute case. They’re arriving at 10.”

“Fine,” Matt agreed. Liaising with a difficult client was the least he could do to make up for his less than stellar performance the last couple of months. “But I have something to do first.” He held up the USB drive that Calina had slipped to him last night.

“What’s that?” Karen asked.

“I’ll let you know as soon as I do.”

Matt booted up his computer and plugged in the device. It contained a single large document which he printed off in braille and started scanning through. At first there was just a list of chemicals - the results of the analysis by the Widow scientist - but then Calina added some context.

And it changed everything.

“Guys?” he called out. “You gotta hear this.”

“What is it?” Karen said, taking a seat on the other side of his desk. Foggy joined them a moment later and leaned against the door frame.

“Calina found something.” Matt spun his monitor around to show the document on the screen. “Apparently, one of the main ingredients of the fear pheromone is something called Arsonium bromide. Its a chemical that environmental groups have been calling for greater regulation on, because it’s disposal has been linked to soil contamination which is affecting agriculture yields across the country. Those environmental groups were successful in convincing a prominent politician to lobby their cause to the EPA last year.”

“Okay,” Karen said slowly. “How does this help us?”

“That prominent politician was Governor Andrew Benson.”

“The guy Calina was supposed to assassinate?”

“Yes.” Matt leaned forward as he laid out Calina’s theory. “Two days after the failed assassination, Benson suddenly, and without warning, withdrew his petition to the EPA, and walked back all his previous objections to the chemical.”

“Somebody got to him,” Karen added. “Somebody with a vested interest in the use of Arsonium bromide.”

“Exactly. With Benson’s support, the environmental groups were gaining traction in their fight. So someone tried to take Benson out. And when that failed, they likely played off the assassination attempt as a warning.”

“Do as we say, or next time it’ll be for real,” Foggy guessed. “Which means whoever is behind the manufacture of the fear pheromone-”

“Is the same person who arranged for Calina to be reactivated,” Karen finished.

“It’s all connected,” Matt said. “If we find out who created the pheromone, we find out who ordered Calina’s mind control. And vice versa - if we can find out who paid to have their very own Widow assassin, we find our pheromone guy.”

“Holy shit,” Karen whispered, tilting the monitor so she could read through the information on the screen.

“I take it the Widows are concentrating on finding out who bought Calina’s ‘services’, for want of a better term?” Foggy asked, reading the screen over Karen’s shoulder.

“As much as they can - but they’re more focussed on hunting down Volkov. He’s the bigger threat to them right now. Which means we’ll be doing them a favour if we find this information first.”

“So where do we begin?” Foggy asked.

“I say we concentrate on researching this chemical. Where its manufactured, who buys it, and how.”

“I’ll start today,” Karen answered, scribbling in her notebook.

“What does this mean?” Foggy said, pointing to something on Matt’s screen.

“Which part?” Matt asked, shuffling through his print outs.

“The last sentence. It says, ‘I hope this helps, shereen-am.’ What is ‘shereen-am’?”

Matt tried to control his reaction. “It’s nothing. Just an inside joke.”

It wasn’t nothing. And it wasn’t a joke. But it was something private, just between Matt and Calina. He’d googled the phrase before calling the others into his office and found that it was a Persian term of endearment. Roughly translated from Farsi into English it meant ‘Honey’.

By using that term, Calina was reminding him of Christmas Day, when she’d whispered all those terms of endearment into his ear as they’d made love on the couch.

She was reminding him of a happier time, to help get him through the dark and lonely days to come.

Matt smiled as he skimmed his fingers over that word again: Shereen-am.

Calina’s visit last night had given him hope. The information on the USB had given him a lead. And the affectionate nickname on the end of her message had given him a glimpse of how things would be between them in the future.

It was a promise, of better times ahead.

———

“And then he grabbed her and kissed her!”

“It was like something out of a movie - the way he dipped her back, and with the two of them bathed in the moonlight with the stars twinkling overhead…”

Calina groaned and sank into her chair as Katya and Inessa gushed to the other Widows about Matt’s antics on the boat last night. The three of them had arrived back at the mansion at dawn, and after a brief nap, they were now debriefing the rest of the team.

But it had gotten a little side-tracked.

“‘Bathed in the moonlight’?” Sofia repeated. “Come on, Inessa, I think you’ve been reading too many of those romance novels.”

“But that’s exactly what it was like!” the younger Widow protested. “It was the most romantic, swoon-worthy thing I’ve ever seen!”

“That’s not really saying much, given the way we were raised,” Viktoria commented.

Inessa rolled her eyes, and opened her mouth to respond but Anya cut her off. “Enough about Calina’s love life. Did you find the warehouse?”

Calina sat up again. “Yes, enough about me. Tell them what you found.”

Anya had found mention on Ranieri’s laptop of a recent real estate transaction. Which wasn’t unusual in itself - the Ranieri family seemed to prioritise property and commercial investments over gambling on the stock market. But while the rest of Salvatore’s portfolio made sense for a party guy in his late twenties - night clubs, bars, trendy apartments in major cities across the world - a former wholesale carpet warehouse in an industrial estate in New Jersey did not.

So Katya and Inessa had been tasked with scoping it out. 

Katya tossed a USB stick to Anya. “Photographs and schematics as requested. The place was deserted - no personnel on the grounds - but it was spotless, with signs of a recent professional clean. It’s definitely being prepped for something.”

“Like a lab to manufacture the mind control serum,” Sofia guessed.

“Possibly,” Yelena interjected. “But we can’t get ahead of ourselves. We need more evidence. We need to be sure before we make any moves.”

“Agreed,” Anya chimed in.

“Which is why we planted a few cameras,” Inessa said with a cocky grin. “And several bugs. We’ll know soon enough what the plan is for that building.”

“Good,” Yelena responded. She looked around the room at the rest of the Widows. And a rare smile graced her face. “I know I just told you all to be cautious…but I have a good feeling about this. I think this is how we get Volkov. I think this will all be over soon.”

Several of the women whooped and cheered in response - a sign that Calina wasn’t the only one who was looking forward to this confinement ending.

And it also proved to Calina how much the Widows had come out of their shells over the last few months. They laughed more readily now. They expressed their emotions without prompting. Conversations flowed instead of stuttered, and there was an easy camaraderie between everyone.

The stilted, angry, and bitter atmosphere that often pervaded the base in South Carolina didn’t exist here in Maine. And Calina knew it had nothing to do with the change in scenery - the weather outside the mansion was dark and grey and wet these days, holding little of the sunny, vibrant beauty of Charleston.

Time was the reason.

They’d been given time to start the healing process. To learn about themselves and the world around them. Time to find their little moments of joy.

Joy that even Volkov couldn’t take away. If anything, the looming threat that he posed had the opposite effect - as if the Widows were defiantly enjoying themselves even more to spite him and his attempts to force them back into an emotionless, violent existence.

Calina would be sorry to leave this place when the time came. She no longer felt the need to escape this environment. Not like in the beginning, when she’d first been freed. Back then, she’d felt suffocated by all the pain and rage around her. She’d wanted to strike out on her own and discover who she was away from that toxic environment.

But everything was different now. Now she would miss living here with all her sisters.

Though not as much as she missed Matt.

Seeing him last night had been a rollercoaster ride. She’d swung from the lowest low of wanting to escape his presence, to the highest high from that kiss. Because as much as it made Calina cringe, Inessa’s description had been spot-on - it had been the most wonderful, romantic, swoon-worthy gesture in the history of the world.

But on the journey back to Maine, the high had worn off. And all her doubts and fears - and all the guilt - had come flooding back.

And all of it boiled down to one thing - she didn’t feel worthy of him.

She didn’t feel worthy of the kind of man who would fly a hundred feet through the air just to kiss her. She didn’t feel worthy of a man as amazing and kind and smart as Matt. A man who fiercely protected the strangers in his city, and could touch her with such reverent tenderness.

The kiss had made her forget all that. It had short-circuited her brain and over-rode all her negative emotions, until the only thing left was passion. She’d given in to the moment, to the feel of being in Matt’s arms again.

Which she’d known would happen. It was the reason she’d chosen that cramped, awkward crane jib as their meeting point in the first place. She’d known that if they’d met in his apartment, or on the pier - or anywhere else out in the open - he would have taken her in his arms and she would have been powerless to resist. She would have accepted his embrace and returned his kiss all the while feeling undeserving of him.

So she’d chosen that metal cage instead, as a way to deny herself.

As a punishment.

But he’d gotten around her little ploy. He’d kissed the life out of her on that boat deck, and everything else had faded away. How guilty she felt about Italy. How scared she was that if he truly knew her and everything she’d done as a Widow that he’d hate her.

How terrified she was that they were too good to be true.

“Calina!”

Calina lifted her head at the sound of her name. The other widows were all staring at her. “Huh?” she asked.

“You spaced out there,” Inessa explained.

“Sorry. Just tired,” she lied. “I’m going to head back to bed.”

The chorus of ‘Byes’ and ‘Sleep wells’ from her sisters followed Calina up the stairs, but she was already lost in thought again.

She didn’t know what to do about Matt and all these doubts she was having.

Did she share them with him? Admit her fears about not being worthy of his love? Could she even explain them without having to divulge all the dirty secrets of her past? Wouldn’t that just bring about the end of their relationship and defeat the purpose of the whole ‘sharing’ thing?

Calina fell forward onto her bed and smothered her frustrated groan with her pillow. Then she flipped onto her back and stared up at the ceiling as she contemplated the alternative scenario: being with Matt, with this constant pit of worry in her stomach. Revelling in his affection and his love whilst always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

A tear leaked from the corner of Calina’s eye as she wrestled with all of these unfamiliar emotions. A tiny part of her longed for the days of being an unfeeling automaton…but she quickly squashed that treacherous notion.

This was better.

Despite all the uncertainty and pain and confusion, dealing with these emotions was far better than living as a shell of a human being under the Red Room’s control.

“Hey, you okay?”

Calina hastily wiped away the tear as Katya entered their room. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Liar,” Katya teased, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. “You’ve not been okay since Italy. Did something else happen there?”

Calina levered herself up to rest against the headboard. “What do you mean?”

“Well, when you debriefed us after the mission you said Ranieri just got a bit handsy. Did something…more…happen that night? You can tell me.”

Calina shook her head. “No, nothing else happened.”

“So what is it? What’s going on with you?”

Calina’s first instinct was to lie again. To keep everything to herself. It was the way she was raised - the way they all had been. Even before the mind control serum took away their emotions they were trained to hide them. To bury their sadness and their loneliness and their pain. To never confide in anyone how they were feeling.

It was a difficult habit to break, but Calina was determined to tear away this next layer of Red Room conditioning. So she took a deep breath and told Katya everything. How she’d called Matt before the party in Italy. How having Ranieri’s hands on her felt. And how it was all messing with her head. “I know intellectually that nothing really happened,” she explained. “It was just a few unwanted gropes and a kiss on the neck - I’ve been through much worse on missions like that - but I just feel so…guilty. I keep imagining if it was Matt in that situation, and he’d let some other woman touch him. I would hate it. Which means I can’t tell him, because then he’d hate me.”

“You don’t know that for sure,” Katya interjected. “If you just explain to him that it was a mission and you were playing a role-”

“But that would just open up this whole can of worms. About all the other roles I’ve played in the past, and the things I’ve done-”

“While under mind control, Calina.”

“Again, I know that intellectually…but don’t you still feel guilty about everything you did while under the serum?”

Katya smiled. “I feel guilty for stabbing you in Seoul.”

Calina rolled her eyes. “I’m being serious. We all did some really messed up shit for Dreykov. Doesn’t that…stick with you at all?”

Katya looked down as she picked at a loose thread in the bedspread. “Occasionally. Usually at night - my dreams are sometimes…not fun.”

Calina placed her hand over Katya’s remembering what it was like when she first arrived in New York - the endless nights spent pacing the rooftop, unable to sleep. “I’m sorry.”

Katya shrugged. “It’s fine. They’re just memories. The important thing is that I don’t blame myself for it. And you’re not to blame either. We were kids when we were brainwashed, and then we were forced against our will to commit all those acts.”

“But what about now? We’re acting on our own free will, and we’re still murdering and stealing-”

“Yes, to stop the bad guys!” Katya protested. “We’re on the side of good now. And we have the rest of our lives to be on that good side, and to make up for everything we’ve done”

“Can we, though? Can we possibly balance a ledger with so much red in it?”

“Now you sound like Natasha. And look what she’s accomplished. She’s an Avenger. Little girls all over the world want to be like her, because she’s a hero. We can be like that too.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever feel like a hero. Matt’s a hero, and he-”

It was Katya’s turn to roll her eyes. “You know I like Matt, but he’s not exactly squeaky-clean. He’s a vigilante - he breaks the law every night.”

“It’s different. He has a moral code. One I’ve violated again and again. If he ever found out the truth about me, he’d hate me.”

Katya studied her for a few moments, a frown marring her face. “Calina, what is the ‘truth’ about you?”

Calina swallowed harshly. When she finally answered, her voice was small and shaky. “That I’m not a good person.”

Katya reared back. “That’s ridiculous! You were brainwashed and under mind control-”

“I’m not talking about that! Since leaving the Red Room, I’ve abandoned my sisters, I’ve lied to everyone I’ve met, I’ve killed people, and I- I cheated on my boyfriend!”

“You didn’t cheat!”

“What would you call it?”

“I call it necessary! We’re fighting a war here, Calina. And wars are messy, and they involve sacrifice and difficult decisions. Killing the men who came after you, lying to protect your identity and going undercover to steal from Ranieri were difficult decisions, but necessary.”

“But-”

“I’m not finished!”

Calina snapped her mouth closed. She’d never seen Katya like this - so agitated and…loud. She’d always been one of the quieter, more rational Widows.

“As to your other ‘sin’,” Katya continued. “You did not abandon us. You came to save me in Korea - you risked your life to save me. That’s not abandonment. And the other widows told me what you were like after you were freed - they could all see you were struggling. Moving to New York was another necessary decision. You know why?”

“Why?”

“Because you’re a good person. You were never cut out for this kind of life. Even as kids we realised that you were too sweet and sensitive. And the Red Room persisted in trying to beat that out of you, but they never could. Despite what you’ve been through and what you were forced to do, you’re still that same sweet, sensitive, good person. It’s why you’re feeling all of this so much more than the rest of us. And while we all appreciate your help with taking down Volkov, if you want to leave again, not one person would blame you.”

She bumped her shoulder against Calina’s. “We love you, Calina. You are worthy of love. You just need to convince yourself of that.”

————–

So do we think Katya got through to Calina? Does she believe now that she's worthy of Matt?

Read chapter 4 to find out...

Tag list: @hollandorks @stilldreaming666 @yanna-banana @chezagnes​ @tearoseart-blog @acharliecoxedfan​ @freckledbabyyy ​​

If you’d like to be added - let me know!

#daredevil #daredevil fic #tabula rasa #daredevil fanfic #daredevil fanfiction #matt murdock #daredevil x original female character #marvel's daredevil #matt murdock fanfic #daredevil fandom #matt murdock x oc

[greighish]

People you’d like to get to know better:

I was tagged by @shesthespinstersimmer and @igotsnothing (who totally beat me to the punch 😤) 💚!

last song: O Holy Night by Lou Christie, best version there is, well, other than the one that features my rewritten lyrics in honor of the death of grody cheeto... anyway, I love this version because it's beautiful (I mean that in a very secular way), because the song itself has an interesting history, and because another song I love, Unchained Melody, by the Righteous Brothers, starts off in a very similar way. OHN is 52 bpm and UM is 66 bpm.

favorite color(s): greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!

currently watching: Cherry Magic (Thai) w/ my friends last movie: Cherry Magic (Jpn) w/ my friend, but may watch it again soon since we watched it before I created the discord server and our other friend hasn't seen it yet.

currently reading: Semantic Error just finished(!) and The Dangerous Convenience Store will be ending soon. It's been a while, but I'm also rereading homegirls & handgrenades, a book of poems by Sonia Sanchez. This book is in tatters; I've loved it thoroughly over the years. It was a Christmas gift from my mother back in '91. And the inscription reads: May your love for our heritage be enriched through the reading. May your knowledge of our history continue to grow.💚

Sweet/Spicy/Savory: Spicy > Savory > Sweet (if I'm in the mood)

last thing I googled searched: "can you use hashtags on bluesky" … so, I completely forgot that I joined the wait-list and my invite just came, so I signed up. am I going to use it? who knows?! I broke up with twitter and IG earlier this year partially to scale back on the looming cloud of participation, so taking on another wasn't really in my plan, but unlike spoutible, it does let me upload pics, so, possibly. but I did four inaugural posts just to make it clear it's a sims account.

current obsession: making tattoos for my OCs! other than "yay for making stuff" I'm really happy that I didn't have to leave this aspect of my story out because initially I was going to since it seemed like more work than I wanted to do and would definitely delay the debut, but I told myself it would be worth it, if for no other reason than not having to rewrite storylines that are so integral to who my OCs are.

currently working on: see above.

I'm tagging @nightlifeseries, @beebiesims, @kayime, @plasticfoundation, @satureja13, @ex0ticgen, @kairasims

take your time, take a rain check, or take a pass!

[blank template under the cut]

last song:

favorite color(s):

currently watching:

last movie:

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Sweet/Spicy/Savory:

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#tagged

[gaiaexploreslife]

— my OUAT dr mood board —

some facts about my ouat dr:

- instead of Maine, the passage to Storybrooke is hidden somewhere in France.

- Storybrooke itself will be its own “pocket realm”. So it’ll be a magical village next to this oceanside, where literally no contact to the outside world is even possible. The aesthetic of it is the last 2 pics I included.

- I will be replacing Emma Swan as myself, though Henry will be my little brother instead of a son. basically I live in Paris but then Henry shows up and says he’s my little brother and takes me to Storybrooke bwkajshs

- most of the fairytale characters will be different (if they have a live action disney movie, they’ll look and be from their respective movies) or they will look how I would imagine the characters to look in this dr

- I’m not keeping most of the plot. I’m keeping the first 3 seasons (for the general plot but no specifics I’m keeping in) but for the most part I’m scripting it’s my ideal “plot”.

- the actual fairytale world will look a LOT more beautiful than in the show, again all of the lands will look like the movies.

#ouat dr #ouat shifting #shiftingrealities #shifting realities #reality shifting #shifting #reality shifter #shiftblr

[lucyandthepen]

a lesson on style - iii . [ ljn | njm ]

pt. i, pt. ii, pt. iii, pt. iv.,  pt. v, pt. vi

you’ve always been content with being associated with one word and one word only: average. average in looks, academics and social skills, you’re just looking to graduate high school without causing disasters you’ll have to live with until you kick the bucket. when you’re paired with school king lee jeno for the semester-long physics thesis, you can’t help but think the entire situation has pretty much set itself up for failure. that is, until you strike a deal with your partner. alternatively: an au tale involving lessons in popularity, eleven consecutive B­ minuses, a secretly sensitive, chess­-loving jock, and an amateur sex tape.

pairing: jeno x fem!reader, jaemin x fem!reader verse: high school au { jocks!nomin ft. a super cute whiny ap physics genius renjun } rating: M for sexual themes chapter warnings: none word count: 5.6k

author’s note: because like two people have said they want chapter 3 i, a textbook people pleaser, have arrived :^) 

                                                         *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Your Facebook boasts a picture of you in Jeju-do last summer.

You actually haven’t changed it since then because you don’t think that a profile picture is worth anything, but apparently, Lee freaking Jeno really likes that shot of you standing by the shoreline in your I ❤️ JEJU t-shirt and your knee-length cut-offs, a disturbingly huge orange starfish in hand. He likes it so much that he’s not only looked at it, but he’s also asked his friend to tell you he has, which is just about the most flattering thing you could do with regard to someone’s profile picture without actually being the one to personally do anything about it.

In conclusion, the butterflies in your stomach aren’t just going crazy; they’re screaming their tiny lungs out.

Your first reaction is to call Renjun and tell him, but he’s only on his way home now, and, somehow, you don’t really know if he’s in the right mood to talk to you about Jeno (or, rather, to listen to you talk about him). You’ve also been staring way too long at your laptop screen without doing anything substantial, so much so that Jaemin is back on his keyboard, according to the three little dots that appear in the chat box again.

Na Jaemin: did I scare u off

You: no no omg I was just

You: taking notes

Na Jaemin: for wht?

Na Jaemin: by teh wa y is Zhong Cjelne at your house?

Na Jaemin: *Cehnel

Na Jaemin: *CHENLE

You: yes! why

You: do you need me to call him

Na Jaemin: no but can you pas s a messge

Na Jaemin: can u tell him isf]

Na Jaemin: jesus fuck ing crihtst

You: I don’t know how to pronounce that

Na Jaemin: sorry can u just tell him he needs to get his LT back from me

Na Jaemin: he didn’t make it to class 2day

You: sure!

You: by the way, can you tell Jeno thank you?

Na Jaemin: oh yeah sure

Na Jaemin: he says for what

You: for the profile pic thing

Na Jaemin: oh

Na Jaemin: ur welcome lol

Na Jaemin: for the record I think that’s a pretty cool starfish

You: thanks!

Na Jaemin: oh brbb dinner i see the baemin guy

Na Jaemin: nvm I think that must be your pizza then

Na Jaemin: enjoy!

It’s strange that you have to be constantly reminded that Jaemin only needs to look out his bedroom window to see what’s happening in front of your house, but you don’t really take the time to dwell on this when the doorbell rings and you have to get off your ass to answer it. Once you’ve paid for the food and shut the door, you call out to the rest of your family; you can hear doors opening and closing mixing in with the low thrum of groggy voices. Sooyeon and Chenle, however, have hardly left the kitchen aside from very briefly taking a walk down the block in the middle of your supposed brainstorming session with Renjun, and you find them in almost the exact same way you had left them, only their faces are morphed into these strange expressions that unnervingly remind you of how you sometimes look when you catch your reflection in the mirror as you daydream about Jeno. Except, well, they’re sharing a mutual look, in comparison to you just… fantasizing. You feel kind of intrusive, and Chenle’s smile suddenly shifting from adoring to abashed may have really set the awkward mood, but your sister remains supremely unperturbed, a quality you kind of wish you always had. She looks up at you with the same bright look she’s just shared with Chenle, which isn’t exactly the most comforting thing at present.

Or, maybe, she might just be beaming brightly at the pizza in your hands.

“Oooh, smells great,” she pipes up in a manner that suggests you’ve just slid it out of the oven instead of just dishing out 30,000 won for it. “I’ll get the paper plates.” You share another moment of silence with Chenle, who’s resorted to scratching the back of his neck weakly to alleviate any internal tension he might be feeling, until you remember you’re supposed to play virtual mailman.

“Oh, um — Jaemin says, er —“ you’re momentarily derailed when his wide eyes fix on you. “Jaemin says you need to get your long test back from him.”

“Na Jaemin?” He sounds slightly incredulous. “I didn’t know you guys knew each other.”

“Yeah. He lives next door.”

“I know that. But I didn’t know you were friends.”

“Oh — we’re not.” It’s your turn to scratch the back of your neck. “He just messaged me, I guess to tell you that.”

He hums in thought. “Okay. Thanks for passing the message. I’ll pass by his house before I leave.”

“Okay.” You know it’s not really any of your business, and you’re not dying to know the answer either, but you press on anyway. “Why does he have your LT though? I didn’t know you two were close either.”

“We’re not that close.” Something like a smile passes his face, so briefly that you may have imagined it. His eyes start traveling around again, watching your sister set out plates for everyone as the rest of your family trickles in. “He’s the TA for the class.”

“He’s the huh?”

“The TA — teaching assistant? For the AP Physics class. Didn’t Renjun tell you that? I’m sure he would have mentioned it. He’s been grading our tests for half the year.”

“No, he didn’t,” you can’t take out the surprise in your voice despite the intense desire to. “I didn’t know he was… like…”

“The TA?”

“No, I just… I didn’t know he was smart smart.”

Chenle has laughed in front of you, but you don’t think he’s ever laughed because of you. This feels like a momentous occasion only marred by the fact that your youngest brother is lifting his shirt up gracelessly to rub at his stomach as he yawns. Even still, you feel a little foolish. Not that you’ve ever asked Renjun about it — you’ve sort of felt like AP physics was a world not easily understandable and, thus, a world that you had no interest in actually attempting to understand. More than that, you’ve somehow felt like people on varsity don’t really care that much about academics; you’d always just chalked up not seeing Jaemin in your class as him being in another section of regular physics.

“Jaemin’s popular with the teachers. He’s been in every AP class I’ve been in. His older brother was kind of the same, so he probably has a lot to live up to. So far, he doesn’t seem to be letting anyone down.”

“Yeah…” you have no clue what to contribute to this conversation; you feel like you’re processing so many things the wrong way and in much too slow a pace, so you decide to just let go any desire you have to respond to Chenle and just sit down across him, still a little dumbstruck.

Dinner is uneventful because everyone apart from your sister and your mother look tired, and you feel like the last twelve hours have already taken their toll on your mental capabilities. They’re the only two people talking animatedly; Chenle doesn’t count because he doesn’t converse as much as he does make noises of affirmation when Sooyeon asks for it. You assume that you’re going to be able to go up and maybe actually think about your physics project (with intermittent fantasies about Jeno) in peace, and you almost do. Almost.

“By the way, _____________,” your mom’s mentioning your name brings you out of your stupor. “I have an early day tomorrow, so do you just want me to be the one to return that jacket you had me wash?”

“What?” You say, pretty stupidly.

“I can just pop on over next door and give the jacket back before I leave for work —“

“No,” you cut her off, alarm rising in your voice. “That’s fine; I’ll give it back myself.”

“Are you sure? You sometimes forget to —“

“Mom,” you beg, as your brothers and father, one by one, start falling back down to earth as well and blearily looking up from their pizzas to focus on you. “Please. Just let me handle it. I won’t forget.“

“Okay,” she shrugs, her tone enigmatically sing-song. “I’m just offering.”

“Wait, are you talking about Na Jaemin?” Sooyeon finally cottons on, which had been the uncomfortable start to a situation you were desperately trying to avoid. “He gave you his jacket?”

“He lent it to me.”

“Football players only give their jackets away to girls when they’re dating,” your sister's eyes are shining so terrifyingly, and your dad has actually straightened up his posture to look at you. Even your younger brothers look somehow interested in this development, probably because they can’t remember a time in their short lives where you’d actually had any dating news to share. “Are you dating Na Jaemin?”

For some reason, it’s Chenle’s face that makes you the most uncomfortable; he looks… amused, which isn’t bothersome, but it’s indicative of the questions he must be asking himself, like how could you have not known he was the TA to the AP Physics class when you were sucking face? You put down the crust of your pizza onto your paper plate, the bread having turned to cardboard in your mouth when this horrible conversation had launched.

“I’m not dating him. I’m not dating anyone. And if I did, it wouldn’t be him.”

“Why not? You don’t have to hide anything from us. Jaemin-sunbae is great. Did you actually know my cheerleading coach wanted him on the team because he’s so flexible?”

Jiho makes a gagging noise over her last few words that signals a bite of pizza had gone down the wrong pipe, but everyone ignores him.

“That… is totally not relevant. And a little weird for me to know. Anyway, he spilled coke on me this afternoon and just gave me the jacket to cover up the stain for the rest of the day. It’s no big deal.”

“Oh,” Sooyeon sounds disappointed, but it’s a mystery to you why she would. “That sucks. It would have been pretty cool if we could all go on like, double dates and stuff. And you could finally get dragged to a school football game without me having to do all the heavy lifting in trying to convince you.”

“Pass and super pass.” You fold your paper plate around your crust, standing up and tossing it into the garbage bag your sister had laid out for easy clean up. “I’m going up. I need to figure out the proposal for my term project.”

“I’ll lay out the jacket for you so you don’t forget it,” your mom brings up the same damn topic again, and you just choose to turn a deaf ear to it.

“I can give it to him,” your sister offers. “We practice on the same field.”

“Everyone, please,” you’re the only one standing up, which makes you feel even more like you’re giving a sermon. “Please just stay away from Na Jaemin’s jacket.”

“You don’t have to be possessive of it.”

“Will you shut up?” your sister desists when you emphasize the threatening undertone of your words, but she’s still smiling widely even when you leave the table, and she’s already poised to lean forward to talk to your mom, who looks equally as suspicious and nosy. Birds of a feather.

You make a beeline for the stairs and away from the dinnertime chatter, taking two steps at a time to your room, and your door swings open just in time for you to hear the message notification noise from your laptop, still open and running on 3% on your bed. After saving it from certain death, you lay down stomach-flat in front of it, surprised to see that a new set of messages have invaded your account.

Huang Renjun: home. See you tomorrow

Na Jaemin: also wait is it just me or was Chenle your date to junior prom last year

Na Jaemin: I swear I remember him asking me if I had seen you go into an empty classroom with someone else 

You ignore both open windows, minimizing Renjun’s and closing Jaemin’s entirely, all because a new window, blinking between white and blue, has caught your eye. 

Lee Jeno: hey 

Heat climbs up to your cheeks at an alarming rate, and you can see from the weak reflection of your face on your laptop screen that you’re grinning. Your fingers hover over the keyboard for an intense minute of you thinking about what to reply, and you type out various possible responses ranging from “how’s it going?” to just a single wink emoji, but your brain at least takes control at the last second and lets you type back a similarly casual “hey.” 

Less than two minutes pass, and the three telltale dots appear right next to the minimized version of Jeno’s profile picture. Your breathing catches at the sight of this, and you devour the words that appear in the consequent chat bubble. 

Lee Jeno: how’s the project coming along? 

You: it’s going great!

You: I have some ideas if you feel like discussing them a little 

Lee Jeno: I wouldn’t really know what to discuss

Lee Jeno: anything on that list of ideas that’s going to give me a sure pass in this subject lol 

Okay, so you don’t have ideas. That’s what Renjun was supposed to be here for, but you hadn’t gotten anything done. So far, you had that water thing with the weird name and zilch. 

You: um I guess it kind of depends on what you’re interested in! 

Lee Jeno: physics isn’t my strong suit so I’m letting u take the lead here 

You: okay, how about the Mpemba effect? 

Lee Jeno: which is? 

You:  something to do with water?

Lee Jeno: oh, cool, like swimming? 

You’re shot of ideas already. You don’t even know what it is, and you’re pitching it to meet Jeno’s pretty high expectations, which is just depressing. Quickly reopening your chat with Renjun, you send a panicked message. 

You: RenjNun HELP 

Huang Renjun:  ????

You: Jeno’s asking me for the topic for the term paper and I’ve got NOTHING

You: can you please re-explain the Mpemba effect and how I’m supposed to turn that into a good term project

Read 8:48 PM 

You see the little green dot disappear from beside Renjun’s name, and your heart plummets. Maybe he’s just having dinner really suddenly. Like, life or death, have-to-eat kind of situation. It would make sense, and it’s a lot less painful as an alternative to what could actually be the reason behind him suddenly ghosting on you. 

You: you know what, how about we just talk about the topic tomorrow? You: maybe we can decide then if we really want to do it 

Lee Jeno: oh, okay, sounds good to me

Lee Jeno: lunch tom? 

You: works for me! 

Lee Jeno: cool! see you : ) 

You only realize you’ve been holding your breath for the last part of the conversation when you exhale fiercely, fanning yourself with an open palm. So you’re having lunch with Jeno tomorrow. That’s… cool. More than cool. It’s a big fucking deal. An even stupider grin crosses your face as you roll onto your back, and you pay very little mind to the new message that pops up onto your screen. 

Na Jaemin: if you need any help with your project, don’t hesitate to ask! ^^ 

                                                *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You’d spent the entirety of the morning really looking forward to your lunch date with Jeno (date being a term you’d added yourself, but it seemed like a reasonable addendum), and you’d been trying to figure out what to pitch to him, even doing a quick Google search of easy term projects right before homeroom. You’d had many expectations for the one glorious hour you’d be eating with him, but in your excitement to get to that point in your day, you’d left out a pretty important factor. 

In your defense, Renjun hadn’t replied all night, so of course you were bound to put him on the back burner, right? Still, it’s common knowledge — tradition, even — between the both of you to spend your lunch break together, and Renjun wasn’t really prepared to suddenly forego this custom today, considering he didn’t know about your more important plans (which, again, was his fault considering he hadn’t bothered to message back). This little snag is the reason why you find yourself sitting next to a sullen best friend who’s more interested in picking out the sesame seeds from atop his gimbap roll than talking to you. 

“It’s not a big deal,” you attempt to get him to see reason again. “It’s just one lunch. You don’t even have to listen! He’s not going to stop you from eating.”

“Not verbally, but his presence will nauseate me so much that I’ll end up without an appetite anyway.”

You have to give it to him — Renjun’s penchant for drama is completely unmatched. Your temper flares a little, but you try to swallow it down to avoid any more huge scenes in the cafeteria. “You’re being stupid.”

“I’m being stupid? Suddenly you can tell when I am but you can’t see it in all of Jeno’s F’s?” 

“Will you stop taking jabs at him? We’re talking about your behavior, not his grades.”

“We barely have any classes together. Lunch time is the only time we really have these days,” Renjun’s voice has a twinge of bitterness to it that’s way too sharp to the ears. “Is it that hard to just meet him when I’m not around?” 

“For the record, I’m not forcing you to stay.”

“Oh, so you’d prefer it if I leave, then,” there’s no denying the sting in his tone. “Okay, that’s how it is.”

“Renjun, come on — of course I don’t want you to leave. Having lunch with you is always great; it’s just one other person for one day.”

“Any other person on multiple other days is fine! But not this person, ________________!”

“I can’t believe how many times I have to keep asking you why you hate him so much!”

“And I can’t believe how many times I have to tell you it’s the fact that you like him that I can’t stand!” 

“Ahem.”

A new voice joins the fray; both of you look up to see Jeno towering over your table, tray in hand and looking fairly confused. His eyes skip between your abashed expression and Renjun’s livid one, but he has the good sense to set his tray down carefully onto the table, choosing to keep his vision fixed on you. 

“We… were going to talk, right?” 

“Yes! Of course — sorry. We were just… chatting.” 

You pointedly ignore the disbelief in Renjun’s face, more relieved at the fact that Jeno at least seems to buy your stupid lie, taking a seat in front of you. He unwraps his sandwich, taking an endearingly large bite and chewing as he looks up at you with that extremely lazy, extremely sexy expression he often gets during class lectures. 

“So,” he starts. 

“So I have this list of possible topics, if you want to take a look at them really quickly before deciding—” You pull out a piece of paper to the tune of Renjun’s scoff. “We can totally go for something else if none of them match your goals.”

“Oh cool,” his mouth is still half-full of ham and white bread as he reaches over and takes the paper, skimming over it with an expression that could, to the untrained eye, be considered somewhat glassy. To you, it simply says casual interest. Very trendy. 

“So what is your goal, Jeno?” Renjun pipes up after ten minutes of uncomfortable silence and Jeno’s attempt to read through your atrocious handwriting, using one of his chopsticks to spear a piece of gimbap viciously. “Graduate somehow without getting anyone pregnant?”

Two pairs of eyes move to Renjun’s mouth, which is opening up a horrendously and unnecessarily huge way to accommodate his food. Your face is much more appalled than Jeno’s is, though, since there’s still a tinge of thoughtful confusion swimming around in his eyes.

“I mean, I haven’t really thought about it that much, but I guess that’s as good a goal as any.”

“I bet it is,” Renjun’s mouth curls up into a horrible smirk. “For you.”

“You know what I was thinking,” you cut him off, and Jeno, thankfully, turns his attention to you, deprived of the time to process Renjun’s comment. “We could try doing that one about the most efficient material to use as sunshade for automobiles since… since you… like cars. Don’t you?” 

“Cars are cool,” he hums nonchalantly. “We could do that.”

“Cars are cool,” Renjun mocks under his breath. You throw him another warning look, which he responds to by devouring another piece of gimbap. 

“If that doesn’t really float your boat, then there’s this one —“ you hesitate in reaching for the paper, but you’re already halfway through the process of leaning in, so you end up with your torso in an awkward horizontal position on the surface of the table. Jeno turns the paper slightly towards you, and you point to an item on the list. “This thing about the relational frequency between notes in harmony sounds pretty interesting too. I think.” 

“Oh, yeah,” he turns the paper back to himself, squinting at the words. “That sounds pretty cool too, actually.”

“How cool?” Renjun butts in again, ignoring you when you punch his thigh under the table, save for a wince that goes as suddenly as it comes. “Like, on a scale of one to ten, ten being as cool as skipping class for the new Fast and Furious movie, and one being as cool as taking advantage of naive girls to do work for you while you half-ass your way through the rest of the year.” 

The silence that ensues is common in all but nature. Renjun’s is a smug silence, while Jeno’s is one of total astonishment. Yours, on the other hand, stems from the rage bubbling in your chest, and it’s taking all of your energy not to blow a fuse. Angry you isn’t cute, and Jeno should never have to see you in a negative light. 

“Actually,” Jeno starts slowly, clearing his throat when his first word comes out a little raspy. “I… just remembered Jaemin and I were supposed to meet at the field at half past noon, so… I gotta go.” 

This is the closest you’ve felt like dying this year, which is saying something, because just yesterday you had had the contents of a coke can spill down your back. You barely manage an “okay” before Jeno gets up, taking his tray with him and walking towards the return corner in long strides. Briefly, you think you should apologize to him, but this thought is derailed by Renjun burping unceremoniously and patting his stomach in satisfaction. 

“Our cafeteria makes the best gimbap. Ever. I said it from day one, and I’ll say it until the day I die.” 

“Well,” you snap your head back towards him, lower lip quivering. “I hope that day comes soon.” 

“Woah,” he lifts his palms up defensively. “I literally asked him, like, two harmless questions. Does that really call for murderous intent?” 

“You insulted him! Your stupid questions were totally uncalled for, and you could have just kept your mouth shut, but you couldn’t even sit fifteen minutes with him and just let us talk about our project?” 

“Oh, right, your project, in the plural,” he rolls his eyes. “The one he’s contributing so much to, right?” 

“We’re bouncing ideas! I’m sorry we can’t be as intelligent as you in your high and mighty advanced placement classes, but we’re doing our best!” 

“Wait – we are doing our best? When are you going to stop talking for him?” His voice is rising now too, and a couple of freshmen sitting at the next table glance back at the both of you in mild interest. “He can’t even defend himself! He knows he’s just taking advantage of you, so why are you still defending him?” 

“Oh, right, of course!” You feign smacking your forehead, except the intensity of your movement actually does cause your palm to make contact, leaving what would be a slightly pink mark just below your hairline. “I forgot! I’m a naive girl that doesn’t know what she’s doing and is just so stupid that she doesn’t even know she’s letting some guy walk on her!” 

“You are letting him walk on you! You’re already busting ass on something he doesn’t even care about!” 

“I know what I’m doing!” You half-yell, slamming down your chopsticks with finality. “You think I don’t know I’m acting like a total fool? You keep making fun of me, telling me I’m stupid for liking him because he’ll never like me back. I get it, okay? I know what you think of him, and I know what you think of me, too.” 

“_____________, that’s not what I meant. I’m just saying you could do —“ 

“Better — yeah, I know! You keep saying that, but all I’m hearing is that you can’t just let me like him, you can’t just let me be happy, you can’t just support me even when this crush isn’t doing anything to you.” Your chair makes an awful scraping noise as you push it back, picking up your tray and ignoring Renjun’s shell-shocked face. “I know I’m acting like a total idiot around him, but I like him. And I know he’s never going to like me back, but I’m happy just liking him like this, and sometimes when you like someone, you’ll do stupid things for them. It’s just a harmless crush. You don’t have to be such a dick about it.” 

He opens his mouth to say something — a retort, or maybe an apology. You don’t feel like hearing either of those things, though, so you spin on your heel before he can utter anything, heading for the return corner first and slamming your tray down on the cart before storming towards the cafeteria door. It swings open just when you’re about to push (probably kick) it open, and you jump back, glaring a little blindly at the person coming through. 

“Woah,” Jaemin keeps the door open, stepping aside so you can pass. “Hey, _________________. I thought you and Jeno were supposed to — are you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” you huff, your voice indicating the total opposite. “Just reconsidering my long-standing relationships.” 

“… Meaning?” 

“Meaning I have a best friend position open right now if you know anyone willing to apply.” 

“Oh,” he looks a little befuddled; his fingers are playing against the bar on the door. “I’ll… keep that in mind, then. Did you and Renjun—?” 

“Who?” 

Jaemin’s mouth is hanging open, possibly at a loss for words at your vicious tone. You breathe in, the inhale shaky as it enters your lungs, and your fingers tremble as you wave the topic of Renjun away. “Sorry. I have to go. Jeno’s probably out on the field looking for you, or whatever.” 

“Oh — thanks,” he still looks flummoxed, but he doesn’t press, and he allows you to walk off in your cloud of anger and embarrassment in silence, his jaw still slightly slack.

                                                *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You spend the rest of lunch break and your free period crying in the library. You’re not even sure why you’re crying at all; all these horrible emotions overlapped and settled in your chest, and the only logical course of relief seemed to be just to cry next to the non-fiction aisle. In between hiccups, you bring your phone out, drafting messages to Renjun first then Jeno, both in paragraphs, but deleting them after reading them over and finding redundancies and typographical errors, simply allowing the next wave of tears to come streaming down. In the end, you only manage to send one message. 

You: I’m sorry. For snapping at you. You didn’t deserve that. 

Na Jaemin: No apology needed ^^

Na Jaemin: Totally unrelated, of course, but I heard that chamomile tea is good for calming ^^

At the end of the day, you get kicked out of the library for sobbing a little too loudly in the last half hour of your free period, and you just wander aimlessly through the second floor before sluggishly heading down for class. As you approach the classroom, however, the numbness that had replaced your frustration had been pushed aside by a grown dread; knowing that you have to see Jeno, that you have to sit next to him, and that you have to apologize for Renjun’s stupid behavior when you can’t even string two really nice sentences around him is stressing you out, and you walk into the room with your teeth gnawing at the skin around your nail. 

Jeno is already there, a sheen of sweat on his brow, his eyebrows knit together as he stares down at a piece of paper on the table. You shuffle up to him, trying to sniffle very quietly to avoid startling him, and he looks up at all the noise you make, his expression morphing into something that looks… apologetic? 

“Hello,” your voice sounds disgusting, like you had spent the better part of your day stuffing tissues up your nose — which, come to think of it, you kind of had. 

“Hey,” his response is careful, and it doesn’t invite any more immediate discussion, so you sit down, and he turns his attention back to the paper. Out of the corner of your eye, you see that it’s the list of topics you’d written down. His long fingers tap between a couple of lines idly. 

You don’t know why, but this somehow is… comforting. Couple that with the fact that he now keeps stealing glances at you, like he’s trying to figure out how to open another conversation at the right time. 

“Um…” he lifts his head up at the sound of your voice. “Jeno, I just —“ 

“I’m sorry,” he cuts you off suddenly, and his voice bursts like he’s been holding it in for the longest time. You’re perplexed, to say the least; was he trying to fill in the blanks for you, or something? This theory is just debunked when he plows on. “I’m sorry, _________________. I didn’t really —“ 

“Wait,” you had never imagined you would find yourself stopping him from talking, considering how much you liked listening to him talk, but you feel like the need to clarify the situation is more pressing at the moment. “Wait, why are you apologizing? I was supposed to apologize.”

“What for?” He looks genuinely shocked, and your hands make random gestures to the abstract past. 

“For — for what happened! During lunch!” 

“That’s what I was going to apologize for. That was just… it was terrible. I’m sorry.” 

“I know it was, but that’s why I was apologizing,” you feel like you’re missing something totally fundamental considering that Jeno’s face is just growing more confused by the second.

“You were the one that had to sit through that mess.” 

“Me? No, I’m — it’s not about me,” his brows lift in disbelief. “I mean… your friend said some pretty wild stuff, but —“ 

“Yeah, so I’m — sorry, are we even talking about the same thing–-?” 

“I’m saying sorry because —“ he inhales, a hand coming up to knead at his temple briefly. Oh, good. He’s having a similarly hard time understanding this, too. “Because you didn’t have to go through that. That was humiliating.” 

“For you, yeah, I’m sure —“ 

“But also,” Jeno raises a hand, silencing you. “Because your friend — despite all the shitty things he said, he was right.“ 

“What… do you mean?” 

His hand touches his lips, fingers skating across his lower one as if it’s trying to will the right words to come out faster. “I… I mean, I told you. I’m not good at this physics stuff. And I just don’t have the brain power to get this done. So I really was kind of hoping you’d… you know. Do it. With as little help from me as possible preferably. I’m not proud of this,” he adds quickly. “I’m just really used to skating by. And I kind of knew you would let me, anyway. And I’m sorry for thinking of you that way. I deserved that call out.” 

He looks so terribly hurt that you can’t imagine what other emotion you’re supposed to feel apart from sympathy. “It’s okay, Jeno.” 

“That’s the thing; it’s really not. I’m not supposed to be taking advantage of other people like this. Especially not someone like you.” 

Someone like you? You’re quickly going through all the possibilities of what that implies, so much so that you miss the moment in which Jeno leans a little closer to you. You come back down to earth to see him a lot more clearly than you had a second or two ago. 

“Can I make it up to you?” 

“Can you h-hu-h—“ you blubber, collecting yourself at the last second. “Make it up to me?” 

“I’m never going to be of any real help in this project, so it’d be unrealistic if I told you I’d pull equal weight. But I’ll do what I can, if and when you need me to,” he slips the paper of topics back to you. Vaguely, you notice he’s circled a topic in blue pen. 

“That’s… I’m fine with that.” 

“In exchange for you taking the reins on this one,” he taps the paper. “I’ll make sure you graduate as the coolest girl on campus. Deal?”

#jeno x you #jaemin x you #jeno x reader #jaemin x reader #ficscafe #nct x you #nct x reader #jeno imagine #jeno imagines #jaemin imagine #jaemin imagines #jeno drabble #jeno drabbles #jaemin drabbles #jaemin drabble #jeno scenario #jeno scenarios #jaemin scenario #jaemin scenarios #nct drabble #nct drabbles #nct scenario #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct imagine #nct dream #jaemin #jeno

[wyrmfedgrave]

Pics: Great Pulp Interior Art, mostly.

1. The 1st piece reminds me of a much later HPL revision tale that was about soul stealing mosquitoes¹!!

I kid you not!

2. But, the 2nd seems to illustrate the dangers of 'outside' mental influences on mere human sanity²...

3. This bit of line work seems to be a modern imitation of the early pulp aesthetic.

Still a great bit of art. Very close to Lovecraft's original description of the Deep Ones³.

4. The secret origin of Aquaman's telepathic circle/thoughts?

Hardly.

It seems to be some type of torture device - which were in heavy demand in the early pulps & Wonder Woman comics!

Or, it could be that she's a spy - using a telephone type device.

Or...

5. What a great piece! This is truly 1 of the best pulp illustrations that I've ever seen!!

It's a busy little picture depicting rather obvious Egyptian Gods in a royal tomb - &, they don't look happy...

Would go best with Howard's ghost written tale of Egyptian horror⁴ - done for Harry Houdini⁵!!

Now that's a story that I'd like to see adapted to the big screen...

But, all of that is coming sometime in my future. So, let's drop the heavy hints for later...

1914: Poetic Output.

Intro: At this time, HPL is still writing poems - as Sarah (his mom) expected him to become a great poet...

"Gaudeamus⁶" is originally thought to have been written around 1914.

It was revised in 1922, for use in "The Tomb."

The existing version comes from a 1928 letter to (it's now known) Zealia Bishop.

She was 1 of Lovecraft's revision clients & later claimed to have solely written some of Howard's work⁷ for her...

But, more about that in its proper time...

The poem itself is a boisterous party piece - hardly what you'd expect from the future master of Cosmic Horror...

But, there's a morbid streak running thru it.

Work: Gaudeamus starts off with a rather friendly greeting -

"Come (nearer), my lads, with your tankards of ale⁸, And drink to the present before it shall fail⁹."

The poem continues in a good mood -

"Pile... on your platter a mountain of beef, For (it's) eating & drinking that brings us relief."

Now the fun & games turn serious -

"So fill up your glass, For life will soon pass; When you're (all) dead (you'll not) drink to your king nor your lass!"

Then, we have a small silly mention of Anacreon's¹⁰ red nose!

But, HPL makes things creepy with -

"God split me¹¹! I'd rather be red¹² while I'm (still) here, Than white as a lily¹³ & dead half a year!"

This is followed by the (as yet virginial) writer's attempt at writing drunken 'love craft' (Sorry couldn't resist!!) -

"... Betty, my miss, ...Give me a kiss; In Hell there's no inn keeper's daughter like this!"

Then, the funniest bit comes around -

"Young Harry, propped up... as straight as he's able, Will soon lose his wig¹⁴ & slip under the table."

Now, it's back to the (nightly?) party, mixed up with a bit of creepiness -

"But fill up your goblets & pass them around - Better under the table than under the ground!"

The party/creepiness pattern seems to be the dominant one thruout -

"So revel & chaff¹⁵; As you thirstily quaff¹⁶; (For) under 6 feet of dirt (it's) less easy to laugh!"

Then, Lovecraft (ever the teetotaler¹⁷) goes in for some comedic, drunken side effects -

"... Fiend¹⁸ strike me blue¹⁹! I'm (hardly) able to walk, ...Damn me if I can stand upright or talk!"

Now, the drunk asks "Betty to summon²⁰ a chair", though he wants to go home - since his "wife is not there!"

Oh, Howard. If only you knew how prophetic you were being...

Gaudeamus ends with a last mix of drunken weakness & creepiness -

"... Lend me a hand; (As) I'm not able to stand, But I'm (happy while) I linger on top of the land!"

Explanatory notes will follow with the next posting...

(HPL's works are getting longer... &, more complicated. When he returns to writing his stories, I'll be forced to return to quotations & smaller plot descriptions.)

#hpl bio #poetry #history #adult hpl

[red-hemlock]

E + F

A-Z Dirty HCs!

E - Erotica: Do they read or watch it? Does it get them in the mood? Do they create it themselves

Unless it's some random scene in a movie, you won't find her watching anything like that. However, a secret she keeps from everyone is that she LOVES trashy harlequin romance novels. Particularly the fantasy ones, that have those hot buff swordsmen embracing waif-y damsels on the covers. She's got a copy of A Rose in Winter by Shana Abe that's basically in tatters from how many times she's read it. They don't necessarily get her in a 'mood', but they do stimulate her very creative imagination.

However, if someone's in a relationship with her, casual or serious, they may get an occasional unprompted spicy pic... Sometimes more, sent at random intervals throughout the day, each more spicy than the last; and especially to a partner she knows will 'punish' her for it when they get home. Said partner's more apt to get them on days that they have important events. You know, for 'encouragement'.

F - Food: Do they believe certain foods can be aphrodisiacs? If so what foods are like that for them? Do they like using food in the bedroom or is it too messy

River doesn't find food itself to be sexy, but the way in which someone eats sure can be. She should know, since she can eat yogurt and pudding off spoons in ways that can probably be considered illegal when the fancy strikes.

Scents put her in the mood more than food does, it would be lucky if food could even make it to the bedroom before it's eaten.

Honey and/or chocolate sauce are the items that have a ghost's chance of making it into the bed, where she'll draw little words or pictures to lap off her partner's skin... Most of them silly, some of them serious. The messier the better though, because then maybe she can 'inspire' another round in the shower.

#Anonymous #Headcanon #Suggestive TW #(Putting it under a Read More just in case 'cuz I don't trust Tumbls. 8D) #(But yeah if Riv ever seems a little too invested in a boring-looking book in public she's probs hiding some of her harlequin trash in it.)

[emcandon]

Hello! I hope this finds you well.

Because I feel myself in a silly mood, I feel it appropriate to ask a silly question.

What sandwich would represent each main cast character?

That is all and thank you for your time.

HAH.

The Ronin: Ham sandwich in a soggy paper bag you find at the bus station after dark. It was definitely supposed to be someone's lunch. Probably looked amazing eight hours ago -- some really good fixings! Just...don't...put that in your mouth... You don't know where it's been.

B5: PBJ -- but with like, whole-grain bread and maybe a banana. Delicious. Nourishing.

The Traveler: Some sort of fancy banh mi. You'd post a pic on instagram but you've already devoured it.

Kouru: Ramen burger. Fuck you.

Ekiya: Pork katsu sandwich. A little unexpected, upsettingly delicious, but fundamentally kind of a duh moment. OF COURSE. It's delicious. I'm crying.

Chie: Onigiri. Is this not a sandwich? Oh, yes it is. She has decided so.

Hanrai: Avocado toast. He has come to ask you to revisit your understanding of what a sandwich could be and is at the same time not audacious enough to entirely dispose of the bread.

The Witch: The memory of your sandwich. She ate it.

I'm sorry I inevitably get so abstract by the end of these. That will be the last apology. From here on out it's just whatever the truth makes itself known to be.

#star wars #star wars ronin #ask reply

[sseraflix]

DECEMBER 2022 ISSUE | ALLURE KOREA [SKR & EC]

OFFSHOT / PREVIEW

official = web / pics 1 / pics 2 / pics 3

MAGAZINE SCANS

credits to @lovelygx9

INTERVIEW TRANSLATION

credits to @fimdungies (web)

HONG EUNCHAE CUT

What was on your mind this morning? Today is my birthday so I woke up and came here in a good mood!

So you’ve been receiving so many wishes from people all across the globe all day, haven’t you? That’s why it doesn’t feel real, it’s so fascinating. Just last year, I was having a birthday party by myself in the practice room…

Everything has changed  for you in the past year. How was 2022 for you who debuted as LE SSERAFIM?

I made my debut, then I spent my birthday for the first time together with the fans. Every month, there are heaps of unforgettable days. I think the whole year itself is unforgettable. It doesn’t feel real that it’s already almost December. I’m new to everything, so I’m not sure if we’re really busy or going at a reasonable pace. Sometimes, the unnies say “Wow, we’re really busy” and I reply “Ah, I guess we are”.

Haha! For example, if Sakura said something like that, you’d trust her. That’s right, it feels nice when my unnies say those things. I like being busy too.

At the end of the year 2022, can you recall the happiest moment this past year? The day I debuted and today. Though there’s still so many more days left!

For a while now, I hear LE SSERAFIM’s songs when I go to work. It makes me feel like I’m being cheered on for the day. Oh, oh! When I work out or when I’m in a slump I also listen to “ANTIFRAGILE” and though it’s our own song, I feel like I grow stronger and gain energy. It’s like a song that makes you do your best.

”ANTIFRAGILE” has a strong and beautiful message. How was it when you first heard it? I liked that there was “toe shoes” and “career” in the lyrics, like it was a story only the members could tell. For “FEARLESS” it had the meaning of fearlessly moving forward, but “ANTIFRAGILE” is that we’re moving forward and we’ll overcome any hardship that comes our way then grow stronger. It’s cool that the narratives connect with each other. I want to become like that too, so I’m even more curious about people’s reactions to it.

If you want to leave a part of your own story in the lyrics, what would you want to write? I won’t get overlooked just because I’m young. (Laugh)

Did you have anything you paid close attention to for this comeback? I used to think that it was alright if I just danced well for our performance, but this time I really practiced my expressions. Just like me, everyone else really gave a lot of attention to their expressions. There were expressions that I was working on for the first time, I did the merong (tongue out, teasing expression) too. I got a lot of compliments from our instructor and the unnies that I improved a lot with my expressions. I felt proud. 

When you debuted, you were worried if people would like the group, but you’re already on your second rounds of promotions. Do you feel like you’re loved? At a recent college festival, we had a “sing-along”. We haven’t had a concert yet so that was my first time experiencing people do a sing-along. With so many people singing to our song, I felt that our songs were popular. It didn’t really hit that many people like our songs. I was so excited while we were performing. 

How was it to come across that type of reaction? I worry if I can express myself well whenever I do anything, so imagining such positive reactions makes me think that there isn’t anything I can’t do. I want to work harder. Where do you get strength when you face your fears? My mentality? I’m the type of person who thinks that if I can’t do something, I can’t do anything. It’s like those thoughts pile up on one another. I still have a lot of fear, because I’m still lacking in experience. There are a lot of scary moments, and I have my own worries, but I still think that if I can’t do something, I can’t do anything.

When was the time you felt most courageous? When we first met as a team. I was really shy, and I was worrying a lot about how I could get closer to the unnies I had seen on TV now that we were in the same team. I gathered up the courage and approached them, that was the most nerve-wracking moment in my life.

Haha! That’s the transferee mindset. That’s right. And since the unnies had open hearts, soon my heart opened up too.

What’s something you want to compliment yourself on the most? That I’ve improved my skills in preparation for the comeback. It’s not a lie to say that I’ve prepared so much harder than I did during our debut. It’s a choreography that has us moving from start to finish, so endurance is really important. We do our performance pre-recordings around three or four times so I think “Can I do this?” but I go through it in the end, so I’m proud of that.

If there’s something that you never want to change about yourself, what would it be? My bright, playful, and lazy personality. (Laugh)

You have fun experiences from before your debut, don’t you? It was fascinating to see our sunbaenims who we were promoting alongside with at the broadcasting station. Before, they were people that I would look at from afar and go “Wow~ It’s a celebrity~” but we promote together now. I get surprised whenever I see them.

Who were you most surprised to see? There are a lot, but we recently met Sunmi sunbaenim. It was so fascinating to see her face to face, she was so pretty and nice that I keep thinking back to it. (Laugh)

You’re here together with Sakura on a shoot for the cover of this pictorial, what was this combination like? This is the first time, this is a combination that we don’t try often even when we do group or unit photo shoots. I feel happy that the day has come where the two of us can do a shoot together, I already think that it’ll come out well. 

Is there anything that the two of you have in common?  Our food preference is the exact same, so that’s why we’re meal-mates. When the members eat salad we eat rice but it’s still surprising that it’s the same everyday. It’s really in our food preference!

Then what’s the most different between the two of you? Our MBTI are totally opposite. I’m an ISFP and unnie is an INTP, if I’m someone who can sympathise and relate to other people then Sakura unnie is more realistic. A real INTP!

Have any of your dreams as a child come true? I saw SEVENTEEN sunbaenims at a concert when I was young and that was when I started to dream about being an idol. I was entranced by the fan’s cheers. It started with “If I sing and dance on that stage, I wonder if people will like it?”. I think that’s my biggest dream that has come true, receiving the fan’s cheers.

Are you dreaming of anything else as LE SSERAFIM? Our biggest goal is to have a world tour and meet fans from all across the world, and because of that my own personal goal is to study languages hard. During our fansign events, we meet a lot of foreign fans but it’s a shame that I can’t speak to them properly. I want to express myself and communicate better, but our time is cut down because it needs to be interpreted and translated to us, so I think that I should be able to speak foreign languages so the time won’t be too short.

What’s the most valuable thing you’ve learned this year? Because we have so many fans, I learned that I am loved, and that I can receive love. That’s the most valuable experience for me.

Is there something that you want to get yourself for your birthday? I already have the things that I want, but if i could really get myself anything then a really nice bed?  A really big and nice bed, since I sleep a ton and I like to sleep.  When it’s time to rest I really just lie down.

What thoughts do you think you’ll have before you go to sleep tonight? Either way, it’s my birthday and I had a photoshoot together with Kkura unnie… and though we still have schedules until tonight I think I can go to sleep in a great mood since I was able to spend my birthday with my unnies and the fans for the first time, it probably won’t hit even before I go to sleep.

It’s been said that the first song you hear for the new year will be the theme song for that year, do you know that saying? Yes, I know that. I’ve done it a lot.

Haha, what songs have you listened to? I’ve listened to various songs. I listened to BTS sunbaenim’s “IDOL”, and WJSN’s “As You Wish”. I’ve listened to these a lot to make my dream come true.

Recommend song of LE SSERAFIM’s, what should we listen to on the new year? Shouldn’t it be “ANTIFRAGILE”? In a year, many unimaginable and difficult things can happen, and “ANTIFRAGILE” has the meaning of becoming a person who can overcome and grow stronger through those times. So you should listen to “ANTIFRAGILE”.

Anyway, the nails you have are really cute. Did you get them for today’s shoot? Nope, I wanted to get them done together with the members a while ago, but they came out with our own personal flare. I thought it would be nice to get pastel tones with Cinnamoroll on them. Mine are kind of the most colorful and chaotic, can you see the character if I do a V-sign like this?

You’re more calm than I though you were. Kind of like a class president vibe? I’ve tried being class president a lot of times, before I became a trainee I did it all the time. When I was in elementary school I was even the president of the whole school. You might not see it through videos, but I’m more calm and collected than you may expect. I was the unnie while I was a trainee then I became the maknae out of nowhere, but I think I suit being maknae the best. To tell the truth, I’m the maknae at home.

You have a birthday party with the members, right? Have the unnies prepared a lot for it? I’ve been looking forward to it since last week. I’ve been adverstising it this whole time, that it’s my birthday soon. I tell anyone I see about it, the people at the company have told me to tone it down, that it’s still not my birthday. (Laugh)

The rest of the year will probably pass by in a flash, won’t it? What will you think on the last day? I’ll get my national ID card next year, so I’m really looking forward to that.

SAKURA CUT

What was on your mind this morning? It’s Eunchae’s birthday today so I should wish her happy birthday a lot. It’s really cute how she’s been looking forward to her birthday. I don’t have that energy for birthdays now.

It’s been a meaningful year to Sakura just as it is to Eunchae who’s new to everything. I think it’s an unforgettable year. I debuted for the third time, and though I already knew Chaewon and Yunjin I met new members. I’ve started at the very beginning again, I was uneasy and scared in the beginning but now I’m glad that I chose to go down this path. I’m welcome to trying new things.

That’s just like the lyrics of “ANTIFRAGILE”. Can you recall the happiest moment of this year? I’m happiest when I’m just at the waiting room chatting with my members. It’s hard to meet friends that you’re close to like family and have been able to open up your heart, so I think I’m very blessed.

It feels different to hear “blessed” from you. Do you have other phrases that you like? You can sleep when you’re dead.

Sounds very workaholic-like. You can rest later! I think it’s the best to be busy. I can’t believe that it’s already the end of the year because I’ve been spending everyday absolutely jam-packed. I think I’m living hard everyday, I carry a lot of responsibility that I have to do well.

How was it when you first heard “ANTIFRAGILE” I wanted the day to come when I could do something like this whilst being an idol, I didn’t know and the fans didn’t know when it would come either. The fans’ reactions to the performance was that they liked it since it felt so new. It was like they found a new Sakura.

When I hear the lyric, “Don’t ignore the career I’ve made a path with” Sakura immediately comes to mind. I cried when I first heard that line. Like, it was something I wanted to say, but couldn’t. I can’t just say “I’ve worked so hard so don’t look past me”. But to be able to say that on a title track made me feel like the path I’ve taken up to this point has been recognised, so I think that’s why I cried. This year, I had to exceed all the results that came from my life’s hard work leading up to this point.

Where do you think your pride comes from? The way I see it, I think what makes me confident is the fact that the life I’ve lived is special, and that I’m at a point in my life that I think that I’ve worked hard up until now. These days some old videos still exist, and all of my growth from since I was 13 also remain, though it’s a little embarrassing. 

Can we see improvement in “ANTIFRAGILE”? It took us 3 hours of practice to get just the intro down for this comeback. Our heights are different so we had to work to match the angles or the position of our hands. We’ve done this much, so we have the confidence to do well on stage. We say “Let’s just do what we can” but what that means is that we’ll go beyond. In our documentary “LE SSERAFIM – The World is My Oyster” the time we spent together had came out and the fans can see that and the chemistry we have with each other and know what we were feeling as we became LE SSERAFIM. So I think that this song hits even closer to home. 

When did you feel that LE SSERAFIM were loved by the people? When we went to Yonsei University for a festival, it was the first time I’ve seen the audience sing along to our songs. It was so fascinating that so many people knew our songs. Even when I heard that our album had gotten into the American “Billboard 200” chart, I found it hard to imagine that I belonged to a group like that. It was also amazing that people who spoke various languages were listening to our music and got energy from our music. It made me so happy.

“FEARLESS” and “ANTIFRAGILE” both talk about having the courage to fearlessly move forward. Where does your courage come from? From my desire to not make any regrets. I hate having regrets the most, I have the idea that I should just give things a try. Though you can experience failure, if you don’t do anything then that’s where it all ends. I always have the mindset that I should try first even if I fail. With the thoughts of everything I’ve done so far, I take on the challenge even if I’m afraid.

When was the moment that you felt that you needed courage the most? When we debuted. A debut is something very precious, and being able to do so 3 times is something I am incredibly thankful for. And though I felt pressured and was anxious if I could do well, I wanted to show a new side of myself.

When you feel that pressure, do you cast something like a spell on yourself? I watch a fancam where I performed well and compliment myself, saying that I did well. I communicate with the fans and gain energy, they give me so much love so I’m always in a great mood.

Haha, what’s a fancam that you watched lately? The latest one was Inkigayo “ANTIFRAGILE” face cam!

Is there a gift you want to give yourself for running tirelessly this year? San-nakji (live octopus)! I like eating Yukhoe and chopped up San-nakji together. But it’s expensive, I can’t keep ordering it to my heart’s content so I want to order a ton at once and eat it. I haven’t gone to a shop to eat it, I’ve always just ordered. 

Ordering and eating chopped up San-nakji! It’s better than you may think, with the moving thing. (Laugh)

Even as much time has passed, there are stil parts of you that haven’t changed since you were young, right? It’s still the same that I go “On” and “Off”. I’m “On” when performing, even at dawn, but when I get to the dorms I pass out.

What do you do on your “Off” days? We all started watching “Transit Love 2” a few days ago. I watched up until episode 7, but we’ve promised to watch the final episode in particular all together at home. I watch it and go “No, that’s not it!”, it’s really fun. My Korean has improved too, a lot of words that I use in real life come out on the show so I can really focus when I watch. 

You came on “Allure” to day to shoot the pictorial cover with Eunchae, but how was this combination? This is the first time we’ve had schedules for just the two of us, and I was so surprised to hear the news. I’m the eldest and Eunchae is the youngest so we have an age difference, but we’re like great friends. She’s like my real little sister. She’s lovely, and our food preferences are the exact same, save for plums.

Do you have anything in common? We’re both smart when it comes to games. On our self-made content “Leniverse” we play a lot of games, it’s always Eunchae and I left in the end.

On the opposite end, what’s the most different? Being lovely? Having a lot of aegyo? I can only do those things in front of the fans but Eunchae’s aegyo comes naturally to her like breathing would. So that’s what makes her so cute, just looking at Eunchae makes me feel great. Eunchae is an “I” but I still don’t believe that, she’s an absolute “E”. I’m a total “I”, I even got a 98% when I took a test.

Among all the artists I’ve met, a lot of them are introverted. Really? Everyone, how do you all deal with your activities?

How do you do it, Sakura? I can do anything with just a camera, but only for schedules. (Laugh)

Is there any dream that you had when you were younger that you want to come true? Since you’ve already fulfilled the dream of being an idol. I wanted to be an obstestrician-gynecologist when I was a kid, I like writing as well so I want to write a book someday.

What kind of book do you want to write? For the first one, I want to write about the life I’ve lived up until now. I want it to be in both Japanese and Korean.

Are you dreaming of anything else as LE SSERAFIM? I absolutely want to do a world tour, I want to meet the fans.

What’s the most valuable thing you’ve learned this year? Complimenting myself when I do a good job? I haven’t done that a lot, I thought that if I praised myself I would stop improving. But I think that it’s important to praise yourself. I have a lot of things I want to do, and I have a lot of excitement so I’m really looking forward to next year.

What do you love the most about this job? All my effort returns to me as much as I put in. The fans love me as much as I work hard, and like that we grow with each other. That’s what I like about it.

Do you know the saying that the first song you listen to will become your theme song for that year? What song will you listen to next year? Do I even need to say it? “ANTIFRAGILE” will be a whole ordeal, so I choose “FEARLESS”. Take on the challenge fearlessly!

Are you a fearless person? I have a lot of fears. I have a lot of them, so I’m cautious and careful, but I’m also someone who does something again and again.

What thoughts do you think you’ll have before you go to sleep tonight? Eunchae’s birthday has wrapped up well! To tell the truth, I prepared a secret gift for her. Since our debut, Eunchae has been missing one of her bluetooth earphones. I said that if it was still missing until her birthday I would buy them, but it’s really gone missing. (Laugh)

If 2022 Sakura and 2023 Sakura met, what would you want to say to her? Firstly, I want to tell my 2022 self that she’s worked hard and is doing well. To my 2023 self, I want to tell her “Have fun!”. I want to show that I’m enjoying everything next year, so I want to have fun too.

Is there anything you weren’t able to say because you were too shy? The year’s end is a great time to say those things. To be honest, I really like my members. Even if I don’t really show it to them, I just hope they know that. I think about it a lot. I wish that they feel that unnie adores them all so much, even if I don’t talk about it often. Oh my, now that I said it I feel shy!

VIDEO / BEHIND

#le sserafim #le sserafim sakura #miyawaki sakura #sakura #le sserafim eunchae #hong eunchae #eunchae #magazine #photoshoot #fim magz #Youtube

[drawnaghht]

This 2021 SDCC panel is also one of the reasons I couldn't agree with some of the stuff tumblr posts last year had stated... which was mostly made up! ie "Stan didn't actually work on the show" or

Like you can see the joy emanating from their faces when Stan and the cast and other crew explain their parts in the show... I can't believe any of them would hate it, whether this was a promo video or not xD Like... you don't go to a SDCC panel of the show you made if you... absolutely hated working on it. idk, it just doesn't make sense. I get that seeing a show or characters from a fandom lens makes people hate that show/characters make stuff up about the show later (i.e. other fans hating on Yuichi Usagi, just as a concept, bc of the ship/shipping, I get it) but it just seems... so strangely petty. Plus non-shipping fans might have been mad that this was not a direct adaptation.... Again I get it! I've been there with other stuff. But whether a show is good or bad, it seems mean-spirited to just lie about the crew or creators of it. It's okay to admit that you had different expectations about it. Yes, it's aimed at a younger viewership and does not directly adapt the darker aspects of the comic, but, that's wholly because of circumstance (Netflix show) and the show is good despite that. Your view of it can simply depend, well, on your view on spinoffs and animation in general, when you watched, what mood you were in. Whatever opinions fans might have, this panel seems to suggest the cast and crew had a mostly good time on it. Unless everyone here is some sort of pathological liar.

More press coverage of the Samurai Rabbit SDCC 2021 panel:

IGN, Polygon (a few pics), Animation Magazine, Geek Network, AIPTcomics (I'll add any more I find if I find smth new)

Screenrant (announcement of the Comic-Con @ home lineup) longer article on AWN (2022, about the premiere with more pics)

also, Stan's interview with the SDCC blog in 2022

"UBLOG: Samurai Rabbit: The Usagi Chronicles debuted its first season on Netflix, and has already been renewed. What was it like finally getting to see your characters come to life in that way, and how pleased are you that it was so well received? Sakai: We at Usagi Studios are very pleased with Samurai Rabbit: The Usagi Chronicles. The protagonist Yuichi is a direct descendant of my Miyamoto Usagi who is featured very prominently and with a twist that I thought was brilliant. We worked very closely with Gaumont and Netflix, approving/adjusting scripts, designs, suggesting voice actors, etc. I even calligraphed (by hand) the logo for the series. Samurai Rabbit expanded on a mini-series I created titled “Senso” inspired by HG Wells’ War of the Worlds wherein the martians invaded feudal Japan instead. Japan took that alien technology and developed it, adding their own cultural elements. Samurai Rabbit takes place in the future with Yuichi a young samurai in training who worships his famous (or infamous) ancestor, Usagi. Like my Usagi stories, Samurai Rabbit is very character driven and the first season tells of Yuichi meeting what is to become his core group of friends as they battle yokai, the haunts and monsters of Japanese folklore. I’m so glad that a second season is coming up."

i cannot imagine Stan Sakai Lying. like. LEGIT i cannot so i don't get why ppl make stuff up abt the show. it hasn't been very egregious so far, just stuff in tags and reblogs, but still. weird. fandom is weird abt stuff like this lol! I also do not get the hate that the show itself and the character of Yuichi Usagi get for basically. Not being what people imagined in their heads of an Usagi Yojimbo spinoff. I kind of get that part, because when Avatar: LOK was previewed in 2011, I imagined such a vast and colorful version of the show based on just 2 art pieces, I was caught a bit off-guard by the 1st season's premiere, and completely let down by the 2nd season. So I get that part at least. Many articles seemed to suggest that this show would be an adaptation, and I am guessing this is where people's expectations rose ten-fold in a similar way to my 2011 self. From interviews, I sense that the crew had similar expectations when they joined: a Usagi aniamted project with Stan Sakai directly involved! I'd be asking to be on the show too if I'd been a Gaumont studios member at the time.

The mountain is high and it is hard to surpass. When Netflix ordered the show to be about a younger Usagi and gear it for a younger audience too, I find that perhaps the Gaumont and Usagi Studios crew also saw this. In a fan's eyes, almost no one could match Stan Sakai in his storytelling, and the crew are big fans of his work. So it would make sense that they started to see the show they were developing differently. Instead of something like the 2003 adaptation of Miyamoto Usagi, where they make him younger and change his story a bit, the SR crew saw an opportunity. Lets make it about a descendant and a whole different setting, yeah? So the show becomes something quite different, but more manageable now. The mountain seems more like a long trek than an unpassable task.

But it also seems from every interview and official release I've seen that most of the people working on the show really liked what they made and liked working on it, even if it wasn't a direct adaptation of Usagi Yojimbo, something most of the crew were a fan of already themselves.

also, the series was worked on at least since 2018. Yeah, it's aimed at a younger audience, but a lot of effort seems to be put into it anyway, from writing, acting and art aspects all-around, so it just doesn't seem like something that people would feel the need to lie about. it's a good show. It is just not a direct adaptation of the comics, that people have been wanting, or something "style adjacent" to the comics, e.g. what people expect of the comics (that it's only dark and gritty).

A 2019 comicon.com article sharing a facebook photo at Gaumont studios with Stan is the perfect example of this - "This studio is known for their work on the original Redwall animated series. Judging by the key art shown above and Gaumont’s location in Paris, I hope that the animated series will remain faithful to the darker tone of the comics." - of course an article by a reader of the comic would have something like this, but we can see as early as this, the writer is setting themselves up for higher expectations for the series. Which I don't find fault in, who doesn't want a cool animated adaptation of their favourite comic? But comparing a studio now to what the studio was 15-20 years before is like setting the reader up for expectations that are too unrealistic. Redwall is a beautiful adaptation, but each show/series will almost always have a different team of people working on, so from an animation work POV, it just seems like something unrealistic. Animation industry, both western and otherwise, has always been something that can't always cater to all interests.

not-so-hot take but: it's actually good that it's not a direct adaptation!

The expectations people put on any adaptations/projects based on an older thing, is probably also a huge factor in why both younger and older fans (both shppers and the fans of the comic) feel so terse about the series, when in reality, it's possibly the best result we could get for a netflix adaptation (if I look at any anime/manga live-action adaptations for example, netflix has sort of "dropped the ball" on many of these). The series having loose and not-so-loose connections to the comics canon basically ensures that nothing about the comics canon is ever changed much, or that Stan is never obligated to change the comic for the show. The comic and show are allowed to be separate, but the show is also an homage and open fanart to the comic.

This also means that whether viewers hate or love the series, perhaps having a non-adaptation og series based on the comic... means they will actually read the comic itself now. I see this with both liveaction and animated adaptations, but ppl usually don't pick up the og source material based on just one adaptation, and if the adaptation is good or faithful, they still won't - thinking of TMNT 2003 but also Rise series haters who insist Raph doesn't use Tonfa, when that was a og comics reference lol - there's no trust that the animation folk working on your favourite properties adaptation are ALSO FANS of the same thing. So the chances for that might be similar. If people are happy with an adaptation, they might be less likely to seek out more of it. But I just find this series an interesting attempt from that POV. It almost feels similar to what Transmedia Storytelling is explained as a technique - of telling a story across multiple platforms, adding something unique each time.

A direct retelling is different from an original piece or continuation set in the same universe. Imagine that Usagi Yojimbo, the original comic, is like a tentpole that readers gather around. As time grows on, different animated adaptations occur, some tabletop games, a theather play etc. Different media for Usagi to inhabit as a character and a concept. And then comes along Samurai Rabbit, wholly not an adaptation of the comic's stories at all, but something inspired of it, building on it, not changing it much, but still adding to the canon in its own way (the existence of the Ki-Stone in this show). It's different but it's entirely a work made out of love for the comic, and you can see it in the different aspects it adapts from the comic (the 2D sequences, the skull-death-bubbles, the references to the comic, how it shows Miyamoto Usagi) and how it approcahes the characters as a cast.

So because Samurai Rabbit: The Usagi Chronicles is not a strict retelling of any of the comics narratives, it allows itself room to explore and grow as its own thing, while also loosely adding to the canon in an interesting and unique way.

I hope phrasing the show from that vantage point gives other existing a different view on it.

this show also credits everyone in the production, including even the 3D animation company (a lot of animated shows only credit the company itself, or at least used to do this a lot) so I think that speaks a lot about how the production sees the show itself. The people making the show are valuable and did well, whatever the reception is going to be. And genuinely, I hope it was actually a good experience working on the show for all of the cast and crew.

#SDCC #SDCC 2021 #srtuc #samurai rabbit #stan sakai #khang le #terry kalagian #doug and candie langdale #darren barnet #mallory low #shelby rabara #aleks le #samurai rabbit the usagi chronicles #aghht srtuc post #this is just interesting panel to come back to every once in a while #aghht fantalk #Youtube #don't look at the transmedia storytelling comparison too hard this concept was still relatively new in 2015 when i was studying it briefly #long post

[w1nterk1tty]

fit inspo?

i can definitely post some pics when i get time later this week ! (i desperately need to do laundry) but for now heres what i wear the most of this summer:

- the little really cropped sweaters (like right at ur boobs or above) over tanks or tube tops (usually also cropped but more like around the belly button)

- low waist mini skirts (my current faves are a pink velvet and a jean cargo) i prefer them tighter rather than a pleated or flared i just think it suits me better

- ripped up tights (usually white or black) u can get these anywhere really and then rip them up urself w a fork bc if ur anything like me they’re gonna get ripped anyways somehow

- legwarmers or knee/thigh high socks , i alternate between wearing them normally or bunching them up above my ankles kinda like legwarmers

- baseball caps idk why but i have been loving them recently bc i was never rly a hat person but now?? totally

- cargo pants , i have always been a lover of cargo pants but w my job its just wayyy easier to wear cargo pants than anything else , my fave pair are a khaki color i got at garage in soho last year

- low rise flare yoga pants/jeans , they just absolutely look way better on me than high waisted ever did and them trending again has absolutely done me every favor , my fave yoga pants are the grey pair from target

- off shoulder sweaters/sweatshirts over tanks will always b a staple to me i just think its so cute (current fave for this is a light pink VS pink sweatshirt)

overall my style involves a bunch of layering !! especially w tights, socks, and legwarmers which really makes it easy to transition when it finally gets colder again , i just tend to add more furry / fuzzy fabric and accessories when it gets colder and go with lighter fabrics during the heat (which i overall try to avoid bc i run hot)

also im not huge on accessories like jewelry and hair stuff most the time because i either forget or my fingers/hands arent in the mood to function and deal with little clasps or fixing my hair to go w accessories (which in and of itself is a huge fucking task that i tend to avoid as much as possible because i have so much hair it’s ridiculous)

but anyways !! i’ll definitely post some outfit inspo pics later this week because theres quite a bit to my style and this doesn’t really cover it all , but i hope this helped !! ty for asking 🫶🏻🩷

#anonymous

[rubenesque-as-fuck]

What was the formative experience that made you realise sex work was a thing you wanted to do?

You're obviously very good at it, so was it something that arose from your sex life? Or were you driven (positively) to it by something else?

Well, I'd say it was a combination of several important factors (sorry, this is a looong one)

First, I spent a almost half of my twenties in a mostly long-distance relationship. It was made clear to me that in the course of this relationship that if I didn't provide titillating images/video to my partner, they would amuse themselves elsewhere. So I was always trying desperately to push myself in that regard, because I wanted them to myself. More importantly, I needed to feel wanted as well. I got used to expressing my sexuality and desire through the camera, because that was what always garnered the strongest positive response. Even if that meant going into sketchy situations sometimes in pursuit of that response. So that was six years of my life (before the relationship imploded spectacularly) and that reward loop got hardwired in there pretty good.

Fast forward to a couple of years ago. Terminally single for over 5 years. Hated my life, hated myself. Could barely stand to look at myself in the mirror, much less take a decent selfie any more. My libido had shriveled up and died. Masturbating was a chore that I usually avoided because it mostly just made me more acutely aware of how lonely I was, and because I had nobody to comfortably fantasize about. And then I met D and that sparked me up something fierce! I felt desirable again. And of course pictures (and more specifically his reaction to them) was a way to confirm that I was still sexy to someone. Someone that I was falling for intensely. After a month of fun dates and amazing sex, he left town and history repeated itself when this dumb bitch got all wrapped up in yet another LDR. And boom, back to sending pics as a way of keeping the desire going.

And then, inevitably, it didn't work out. He broke it off last year. And I realized that if I didn't do something to keep that positive feedback going, my libido was going to die again. And then I probably would also go back to being unable to ever look at myself in the mirror or love a single thing about my body or have an orgasm more than once every six months or whatever. Similarly, my revamped sense of artistic drive and creativity would probably also dry up without the occasional mood lift.

So that's when I decided to start an OnlyFans to channel all of my horny creative energy into something somewhat productive/lucrative. Having subscribers (and also lots of wonderful Tumblr supporters) encourages me to stick to it and continue making content. I don't make all that much money off of it for the most part, it's mostly just a creative outlet. An effort to remind myself that I am worth something, anything. If not ever loveable or dateable, at least attractive to some.

TLDR: the only big relationship of my twenties trained me to get off extra on positive responses from sexy pics, then after my last failed relationship I decided to start an OF to continue getting positive responses (and also moneys) rather than let my libido go into hibernation

#anon asks #friendly anons #long post #sorry got carried away there #anyway yeah that's about it #i mean plenty of other underlying factors #but those two things spring to mind the most #it's also nice to be able to be like 'hey if you want me to talk about your fantasies you gotta pay me first thems the rules creeper' #amd getting paid to masturbate sometimes is nice too #especially since that has become more difficult again now that I don't have someone specific to think about any more #and yes I have a thing about that can't fantasize about unrealistic people for me it just doesn't work