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prettys0bbing · 3 months

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you could feel his eyes for the thirtieth time in the past hour. you look down at where he’s sitting on the van floor next to your leg, shooting him another warning glare. all jj could do is look at you with that shit eating grin that makes your stomach flutter. “are you sure you’re not lost bro? i feel like we’ve gone down this road about fifty times.” pope asks john b, who’s driving in the front. kiara is distracted, trying to find the directions sarah had sent them. “why are we going to some kook assholes party anyways?” jj asks the car, right before sneaking another glance at your tits.

“sarah asked us to, plus free beer.” john b shrugs as you feel jj’s head tilt onto your leg. he presses chaste kisses along your knee, obviously bored and upset about their destination. the car stops and you realize you’ve arrived. you move to grab your phone and realize it’s gone? you look around for a second before looking up. “i can’t find my phone. i’m gonna look for it and meet you guys inside.” you sigh, not even excited for the night. you look around for a little while, when you feel a hand on your shoulder. you jump before looking back.

“fuck jj!” you cry out, trying to keep your voice down when you realize it’s him. he laughs at you while crawling into the twinkie, closing the door behind him. “you ever find your phone?” he asks, settling on the floor next to you. “nope! don’t even wanna be here and now i probably left my phone all the way back at the chateau.” you whine, leaning your head on his shoulder. “you poor thing.” he chuckles, leaning forward and pulling a joint out of his pocket. “smoke your troubles away?” he takes a lighter from the cup holder up front and sparks the end, taking a hit before passing it over to you.

you take a small hit, letting yourself relax. jj moves around for a moment before pulling your phone out of his pocket. you gasp and jokingly hit his chest. “asshole! i was freaking the fuck out!” you glare at him, taking your phone and taking another hit. “wanted to get you alone and it felt like the best way to do that.” he grins at you, sliding a hand up your knee. “get me alone to do what?” you question, handing the joint back over to him. “make you feel better.” he mumbles, completely focusing on running his hands along the inside of your legs. you open them further, letting him run his hands higher, ducking underneath your skirt. he leans forward as you feed him a hit, moving so he’s in front of you. “you still in a mood princess?” he asks, moving his thumb to apply light pressure on your clit. you close your eyes for a moment, savoring the feeling. “maybe i can feel the grumpiness leaving.” you say, leaning your hips into his touch.

jj grins, hooking his fingers on the edge of your panties before pulling them down. he adjusts your hips so you’re sitting with your pussy facing him. “all for me? always forget how wet you are when you’re high.” he says, leaning down and kissing your inner thighs. he starts to kiss everywhere except for where you need him before leaning up to look at you. “perfect tits too, goddamn.” he leans up to kiss the tops of them, unable to reach more because of the shirt you’re wearing. he takes them in his hands, massaging them for a moment before reaching into your shirt. he pulls them out, adjusting your clothes so you’re still comfortable. you bite your lip, brain going fuzzy while you watch him getting ready to touch you. “jay, please. i need you.” you whine, pulling his attention away from where he was leaving a mark on your chest.

“need me yeah? where do you need me baby?” he teases, already leaning down and placing open mouthed kisses on your thighs. you lean into his touch, whining impatiently. “need you to eat me out. please jay.” you look at him, a begging tone to your voice. you barely get the words out before you feel his mouth connect to your clit. the force of the suction makes you throw your head back, moaning loud enough that anyone passing by could hear. “tastes so good.” he says against, a mischievous glint in his eye.

you grab onto his hair, steadying yourself. “god jay.” you moan, feeling his fingers teasing you as his mouth focuses on your clit. he sucks harder, thrusting two fingers inside you. “can feel you clenching around me baby. cmon, let go for me.” he coaxes, speeding his movements up. you can feel your muscles tensing under his touch, your vision getting blurry for a moment. you finish on his tongue, breathing heavily as your legs twitch slightly. you sit and breathe for a moment, breath hitching as he slides his fingers out of you and sits up. he taps your lips, signaling to open them. you listen, parting your lips so he can slide his fingers into them and allow you to taste yourself. you stare into his eyes as you move your tongue around his fingers, watching as he stares at you with a slight smirk on his face.

“are you feeling better about the party now?” jj asks, a cocky tone to his words. you nod, staring at him with delight as he fixes your clothes for you. he leans in for a kiss and you immediately sink into it. he pulls away faster than you’d like, moving towards the door and getting out before holding his hand out for you. you take it and exit the twinkie, walking up to the house with him. “have a good time in there and i’ll give you and your perfect pussy an even better time when we’re back at the chateau.” he whispers with a wink before disappearing into the crowd.

#mayspeaks! ˚✧₊⁎#obx x reader #jj maybank #jj maybank headcanon #jj maybank x reader #obx #obx smut #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank smut #jj mayback x reader #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x pogue!reader

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captainmalewriter · 1 year

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Nymphs

Commission Story

Davis couldn't believe the streak of bad luck he'd been having lately. Between getting laid off at work along with various problems back at home, he simply couldn't catch a break! Although the young 25 year old always carried a nonchalant, 'I don't give a fuck' approach to life, even he grew weary after so many L's.

One late evening, Davis was lazing around on his mattress as he tried to figure out how he was going to get some money fast before deadlines started catching up to him. But no matter how much he racked his brain, all he could think of was selling his homegrown pot brownies to the rich high schoolers down the block or go gay for pay.

Neither option was particularly appealing, and out of frustration, Davis let out a grunt as he flipped onto his back. He took out his phone, and as a porn video was loading, he began to strip down. His dick flopped out and he started giving it a few pumps, causing it to grow from 4 inches to 7 inches. Davis was both a shower and a grower like that. He figured a quick tugging session could release some stress. Or it would've been, had his roommate Jared not barged into the room seconds later.

"Bro, what the fuck!" Davis yelled as he quickly covered up his junk. He didn't want his gay roommate to get any ideas. His fears were unwarranted however, as Jared carried on with his business while barely acknowledging him.

"Sorry to interrupt, but can you jerk off somewhere else? I got a guy coming over." Jared then proceeded to change into a jockstrap with Davis still in the room.

Davis scowled, but left without saying anything back. He knew if he didn't leave, it would just cause another week long fight between the two. And not only that, he knew he had sexiled Jared quite a few times too. It'd only be fair if Jared did the same, but that didn't stop Davis from flipping him off as he left the room.

"Goddamn queer..." Davis muttered under his breath as he hopped on his bike and drove out burning rubber.

He had no idea where he was going. Yet, driving around the city aimlessly turned out to be incredibly therapeutic for him. The summer night wind was blowing on his chest as he cruised by streetlights at daredevil speeds. All the adrenaline coursing through his veins made him feel alive! It was crazy that one night drive did what several years of meds couldn't do. Davis was back in his element, and the devilish grin on his face proved it.

The last stop to Davis' night ride was the local city park. At that park was a duck pond where people often went swimming and skinny dipping in. Swimming in the park pond was illegal, but that didn't stop people like Davis from hopping from the fence and going into the water anyway. Davis helped himself, as he always does.

The cool of night made his skin tingle as he stripped down naked. He went slowly into the water, letting his nude body adjust to the temperature change, then dove straight in. The pond water was as refreshing as it was cold. Davis swam around for a while, then floated along the surface for a while longer. He closed his eyes as he remained submerged in the water. The pond was his sanctuary and he had found his peace again.

But as he swam around in the pond, there was something else in there swimming alongside him. It had been resting dormant in the water for decades now, but Davis had unknowingly woken it up, ready to latch onto a host. His nude body made the thing's work easier too. All Davis had to do was swim by for it to attach itself to him.

What was the thing? It wasn't a fish nor insect of any kind. It barely qualified as a multi cellular organism, but to call it a virus would be a gross oversimplification of what it actually was. The thing had come from a stray piece of space debris originating from Neptune. The microscopic Nymph had wound up in the pond after landing. Without a host body, the Nymph was nothing. But now that it had entered Davis through the slit of his dick head, it had awakened. It entered Davis' body, all without him even noticing.

After the late night swim, Davis went back to his apartment to check out for the day. His shared room smelled like anal sex after Jared had his fun in there. Davis popped open a window and went to bed. The exhaustion of an exciting night caught up to him, leaving him sleeping soundly.

While he snoozed away, the little aquatic alien began swimming up the full length of his member. The Nymph swam through his bloodstream, where thanks to its small size, it went completely undetected by Davis’ immune system. It went through the digestive system and the cardiovascular system until it finally landed at the brain. It then nestled into the folds of Davis’ brain, locked and loaded for the next step of complete body takeover.

The next morning came by in a flash. Davis had woken up while Jared was still sleeping over on his side of the room. He groaned as he stretched and got out of bed. Davis looked around and saw the state of disarray the room was in.

“Fuck this,” he said out loud to no one. “I don’t got time to clean, I got more important things to take care of.”

Davis then proceeded to go about his morning. He showered, ate breakfast, then got dressed for the day. He knew had another long day of job hunting ahead of him. But while he was getting dressed, he couldn’t help but notice his massive bulge. He then walked over to his mirror and dropped his jeans to his ankles to get a better view.

“Whewww... God-DAMN!!” Davis exclaimed. He ran his free hand through his chest and abdominals. He was flexing as he felt all the toned muscles of his body. He couldn’t help but smirk as he traced his V-line and cupped his bulge for a quick video. “Thank you God for the good genetics.”

It was supposed to end there. Davis just wanted to check himself out for a brief minute before moving on to the rest of his day. But he didn’t want to stop- or, more accurately, he couldn’t stop! The more he rubbed himself down, the more aroused he was becoming. His bulge grew as his member hardened. He kept playing with his hardening cock, teasing it through his underwear until he finally stuck his hand in and started properly stroking it off. He groaned as he jerked. Jared’s snoring reminded him he wasn’t alone in the room. Davis made a mental note to keep it down, but continued his tugging session anyway.

Davis stopped jerking off for a moment to strip down naked. He kept admiring himself in the mirror. The sight of his naked body kept him rock hard. He flexed in the mirror and smirked. He had just showered, but he hadn’t put on deodorant yet. The faint smell of what was left of his body odor reached his nose, causing him to purr ‘mmm...’ He turned his head to his pits and took a deep sniff.

“God, even my pits smell fucking amazing!! ”

He then continued stroking his dick while worshipping his own body and musk. The cock head was sensitive to the touch, and the lotion he rubbed on his hands after showering made them extra soft. He cupped his hands and thrusted his dick into it. It was so warm and soft, almost as if he was actually fucking someone’s hole.

“Ohh... fuck...”

A moan escaped his lips as he pumped his cock. He made sure to keep the volume down to avoid waking up Jared. He knew he shouldn’t be rubbing one out with his roommate still in the room, but Davis couldn’t help it. He could feel the sexual frustration in his body swell up. He had to rub one out, there was no stopping it now.

He was leaking precum like a broken faucet. His face became flushed as his stroking speed picked up. He was grunting nonstop, completely forgetting Jared was still in the room. But he was too lost in the moment. With his dick pointed up, he tightened his grip as he stroked his cock more and more until he finally erupted. Two weeks worth of cum shot out of him like a fire hose while he was panting. He threw his head back in pure bliss as he felt the warmness of a good jerk off session spread throughout his body. That, and puddles of cum had landed on his exposed body, adding to the warm feeling too.

In the heat of the moment, Davis didn’t realize he had his dick pointed up towards him. Because of that, some of the cum had shot directly onto his face. Some of it even landing on his lips! He groaned and wiped it off, accidentally getting a taste of his own sticky spunk. He felt the salty taste in his mouth, but still instead of being absolutely disgusted by it, he smacked his lips as he savored the taste of his own cum. Davis wasn’t sure why, but it tasted amazing and he needed more. He then used his hands and mouth to clean up all the cum.

Then it happened. The endorphins from masturbating and the taste of cum made the Nymph inside his brain go into overdrive. It hijacked his brain and forced his internal organ systems to start reproducing copies of the alien creature. Within minutes, there were millions of Nymphs inside of Davis’ body. By the time Davis had finished cleaning up and put his pants back on, the head Nymph had successfully completed phase two of body takeover. All that was left was to seize full control.

“Ow... Ow! FUCK!!” Davis screamed out as his temples started throbbing with pain. He fell to his bed with his hands massaging the sides of his head. He was losing control over his body and he was powerless to stop it.

His vision blurred as he thrashed around. His mind felt groggy and heavy, and his breathing grew heavy. Then out of nowhere, he started hearing his own inner voice issuing commands to him. He wasn’t sure why his brain was commanding him, but he obeyed anyway, not knowing it was the Nymph using his own body against him.

Davis stood up, still breathing heavy and face still flushed red. The Nymph scanned the room through Davis, surveying its new surroundings. Its line of sight stopped on Jared, who had slept through Davis jerking off and getting taken over by an alien creature. Davis smacked his lips and his stomach grumbled loudly as he watched Jared’s chest rise and drop with every breath.

“More... MORE!”

Davis threw himself to Jared’s side. He was on his knees salivating at the mouth as he slowly but surely removed Jared’s sweats, leaving his limp cock to slip out. Just the mere sight of another dick got Davis excited! He started with stroking Jared off, and once it got hard enough, he wrapped his mouth around the girthy member. Davis could taste the tang of an unwashed cock, but all it did was motivate him to suck harder.

“Urgh.... fuck...!” Jared said while finally waking up. He felt good, and when he looked down and saw Davis sucking him off, he couldn’t help but smirk. “Finally giving men a try, huh. What a good boy.”

Jared put his hand on the back of Davis’ head and pushed him down, forcing him to deepthroat his entire cock. Davis gagged at first, but quickly grew to the challenge. He then got on top of Jared. He sucked Jared while Jared sucked him off. The two men moaned and grunted like mad as they pleasured each other. Jared was living his fantasy of hooking up with his hot roommate, while Davis was ecstatic to get another shot of cum down his throat.

“Fuck...! I’mma cum...! Argh!!!” Jared cried out as he shot out a load of cum. Davis happily swallowed all of it, but kept sucking Jared off even after he licked his dick clean. Davis then thrusted his hips down to make Jared deepthroat him. He kept the rhythm going strong while he cummed a second time. Jared had no choice but to swallow his load too.

By this time, Davis was chalk full of microscopic aliens. And so was his own cum. Jared noticed Davis’ cum was way saltier than most men, but took it down his throat like a champ anyway. Big mistake. Now the Nymphs were hard at work taking over Jared’s body as another host. Jared felt the piercing pain of having his mind getting taken over, but with Davis laying right on top of him, he couldn’t even struggle against it. Jared quickly succumbed, and all that was left to his mind was the simple command: MORE CUM.

Davis and Jared kept sucking each other until both men’s bodies were completely drained of any and all cum. Only then they did get off each other. Both of their eyes were dilated as they stared into each other’s eyes. Their bodies were alive and they were still fully conscious of their actions, but their minds had been hijacked by extraterrestrial aliens who only had two things on their agenda: gather cum and spread. Because of the Nymphs, their sex crazed actions made sense to them as if it was just another ordinary activity. They had become cum hungry sluts under alien control.

The Nymphs had changed their bodies too. Davis’ musk became more potent, he reeked of masculinity and lust. Jared’s body became more muscular, going from toned twunk to ripped bodybuilder. The changes were subtle, yet they made both of them more sexually attractive to other queer men. Perfect for aliens’ sole mission.

The two men looked at each other, both of them suffering from severe mental fog. Then, a naughty, lustful smile spread across both their faces.

“Threesome?” Jared asked. Davis shook his head.

“Foursome. More men, more cum.”

The two Nymph controlled men then went out to catch more men under their web, hungry for more.

Thank you for supporting!!

#male possession #alien possession #male control #male takeover #musk #alien parasite #commission story #commission

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pedge-stuff · 10 months

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HC: like if u are dating Pedro he is protective af in public. like the man is so sweet and wholesome but i like to think that if you ever get “harassed” in public or someone tried to record you,bother you, say he can do better than you to you or him he will like get sooo mad. He would barely be able to keep it together idk and like say things that would be unimaginable for normal pedro. (idk like just imagining him yelling or being like pissy and talking back to paparazzi or smothing is just whhwiwjwbwjwowiw to me) but its like sweet af, because it shows how much he cares about you. and that u are everything to him and whateverrrrr 🥺

idea ig idk

hm i will be back !!!! 😌 with more hc!! because this man had taken over me heh 😞

-thankful anon again as always still greatful for marked universe, m/gn content and the new fluffy fic that included oscar and the edibles ooohhhh so cute i melted !!!!!

I love where your head is at. Veered left with this one, hope it went vaguely where you were hoping. Thank you for the rec! :) Come back anytime. piss yellow range rover (pedro pascal x gn/m!reader)

a/n: same vague universe as “marked.” apparently no one comments on this app anymore but they are my favorite so please drop a line!!

tw: gay slur in the middle. trans character, trans writer.

summary: baby's first homophobia

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You’re surprised it took so long, really.

A full month after Pedro’s Tonight Show interview goes viral. After his SNL debut, the following week he spends holed up recovering, his begrudging return to LA for Mando press, and your reunion in the LAX Arrivals driveway two weeks later. Four full weeks— long enough that it no longer gripped teeth into the front of your mind.

Long enough that your guard was down.

Until, of course, some asshole decided he needed to be tastefully homophobic before his morning cup of coffee.

You were midway through your LA morning routine: parting with Pedro in the parking lot of the strip mall that housed his personal trainer, and timing your long run around the surrounding area with the duration of his session, such that you were back to pick up a 2-drink mobile order at Starbucks by the time he emerged.

Your very normal, palatable oat latte was balanced atop his stomach-turning 6 black espresso shots, as you watched Pedro round the corner through the window.

Sweat is beading at his temple, but he is all smiles as he trades you a kiss for his plastic cup.

It still feels like a novelty. Neither of you are usually PDA people, but the sudden lack of secrecy has brought on a second wave of the honeymoon phase. You can just do things like this, now— kiss in Starbucks or hold hands at restaurants or be seen grocery shopping together. You don’t have to take separate Ubers to the same place on date nights.

The sun is shining, your iced latte was made right, your workout is over. There is a whole day in front of you, and a handsome man beside you. A man who holds the Starbucks door for both you and the woman pushing a stroller inside— but only reaches for your hand after.

Things are actually really, really good.

Until you step off the curb:

“That is not the way. Fuckin’ fags.”

Crazy how quickly some guy sipping a green goddamn smoothie can ruin your peace. Two guys, actually, snickering to each other as they unlock their car.

Beside you, Pedro goes incredibly still. He drops your hand.

“What did you just say?”

His friend, chewing on his straw, grins as your stomach turns. A shit-eating grin. “At least it’s kinda straight, right? Dude’s got a pussy.”

They erupt into laughter.

White noise buzzes in your ear; your cheeks flush. “Come on.”

You break away, towards the car, but his feet are rooted to the ground. “Pedro. Come on.”

They are still laughing as they duck behind the tinted windows of a piss yellow Land Rover. Laughing as they close the door.

Laughing as five and a half shots of espresso splatter across their black-tinted windshield, streaking in brown rivulets down the yellow hood.

Pedro turns, finally, and stalks quickly across the lot. You have to jog to keep up. Behind you, the assholes are yelling profanities, but you don’t hear a car door open. Cowards.

The moment he settles into the drivers seat, Pedro pounds a fist on the dashboard. Hard. His fingers curl into a tight grip around the steering wheel, which he clutches like a lifeline as he draws in a handful of ragged breaths.

You can only watch from the passenger seat. Try and ignore the fact that he won’t look at you as he starts the engine and peels out of the lot.

The drive to the Hills is dead silent. Even the radio can read the room.

Silence acts as a breeding ground for your racing thoughts, which multiply like hatching mosquitos. Your ears are still ringing. Buzzing.

It’s your fault— this is a fact. This was his biggest fear, wasn’t it? The backlash? This didn’t happen before he came out. (Before you forced him to come out, though he swears that wasn’t the case. You’d just finally, maybe begun to believe it, after a month. Or not.)

This happened to you, sure. Less so in New York, or LA. It’s almost funny, that you apparently stumbled across two of the only straight people in LA this morning. Shitty people live everywhere.

You’d both disabled the comments section of your instagram for a few days, but by and large, the feedback had been overwhelmingly positive. Until today. It’s different hearing it face-to-face.

Pedro is halfway into the house before you realize you’re home. Slowly unbuckling, you debate leaving the iced latte in the cupholder; the thought of it turns your stomach.

As you greet the dogs by the door, a distracted ‘hello,’ you watch him slip out to the condo balcony. He is clutching a pack of Spirits in a clenched fist.

What are you supposed to do? There is nothing you can do, besides apologize. You pace between the kitchen and living room, chewing on your cuticles, eyes closed. The sweat from your run has now cooled uncomfortably on your skin. An apology won’t be enough, but you don’t have a solution. You can’t take it back. He can’t come un-out.

The balcony door slides open, and Pedro is still silent as he shuffles to the kitchen. He pours a glass of water— out of habit, you assume. Though you never mind, he always washes the taste of tobacco away, after he smokes. Refuses to kiss you until after he’s cleansed his mouth, lest he leave any trace of stale smoke on your lips.

Before you can really register, he has crossed into the living room, and pressed his lips to your own.

He kisses you softly, and then moves to your forehead, eyebrow, temple, along your jaw. Doesn’t go as far as your neck, which he knows you are sensitive to— these kisses are not foreplay. They’re too light, too quiet. Your eyes flutter closed.

Pedro’s chin hooks over the top of your head. His arms wrap around your shoulders. Your cheek presses against the base of his neck.

“I’m sorry,” he says, before weakly clearing his throat. “I don’t know why I did that. I don’t know what came over me.”

“Why are you sorry?” You pick your head up. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry? You… handled that so well, querido. I lost my shit. I have never gotten physical like that before, I don’t know what came over me. I’m not violent. They were just… they can’t say that. It’s not right.”

It is your turn to reach up, place a kiss on the angle of his jaw. “You are not violent. You did not lose your shit.”

“It was a perfectly good coffee,” he pouts.

“We can get another,” you placate, “but I can’t get another you. People are always gonna say shit. It’s kinda nice to have something so good, it makes people mad.”

Pedro chuckles, weakly. “Yeah. I guess.”

“If it’s easier to lay off for a bit, though—“

“Lay off?” His brow furrows.

You rub a hand up and down his arm, lightly. “The PDA, doing public stuff, I dunno. I don’t want you to—“

“Are you joking?” You are given a look of sheer disbelief. “Jesus, no. Isn’t that what they want? You want them to win?”

“It’s not a competition, Pedge. I want you to be safe, and comfortable.”

“Fuck that!” His exclamation is loud enough to startle Edgar, whose collar jingles as he jumps grumpily off the couch. “I love you. We went through too much shit, to not be able to hold your hand outside a fucking Starbucks.”

Pedro’s hair is a little tousled, cheeks a little flushed. He’s maybe never looked more attractive to you.

“Okay?”

You exhale. “Of course.”

There is a pause, as the morning settles back around you. The sun is still shining, your workouts are still behind you. Plenty of time in the day to walk to a different Starbucks, for another round of drinks. Maybe you’ll hold hands on the way there. You can, if you want to.

Pedro tugs on the collar of his white t-shirt. He grimaces. “Can we shower, though? I think I smell like the ocean.”

You don’t mind.

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal one shot #pedro pascal rpf #pedro pascal x male reader #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fluff #the last of us #joel miller x reader #joel miller

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jollyreginaldrancher · 1 month

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The yellowjackets as cousins (for the sake of shipping let's pretend the ones that date are second cousins and Yellowjackets is set in Alabama)

• Natalie's parents drop her off before the event starts and go off to do some last minute shit. She runs up to your room and jumps on you while you are still asleep to wake you up. She's that fucking cousin that doesn't let you have a moment of peace from the moment they show up to the moment they leave. Lowkey you love them though.

• Jackie is that cool older cousin who's home from college and is constantly checking her phone. She smells good and gifts everyone those showel gel/loofa/bath salts sets (not so much the bath salts anymore, since that time Natalie tried sniffing them)

Gets teased about having a clingy bf but she's texting Shauna the whole time.

• Shauna is the broody cousin who doesn't even wanna come to this stupid thing, she's not even gonna have fun so why can't her parents let her stay home? She ends up having fun and her parents have to drag her back to the car to get home at the end of the day.

• Taissa is the one that decides to take on babysitting or help out around the kitchen or whatever and usually has to be told to let loose and have fun because she's so type A she tries to organise shit she has no authority over. The smaller cousins do stacks on Taissa. Van usually starts the dogpile.

• Van is the laid-back cousin who sets up the video games and is beloved by all the tiny cousins. She clears everyone at Mario kart and smash bros and is the only one who can get Taissa to unwind. Taissa is the only one who can clear her in smash.

• Misty is that cousin who hangs out with the adults and tries to help around the kitchen all the time until her aunt forcibly drags her to the rec room (at the rich relatives' house) where everyone is playing board games and stuff. She finds a puzzle or a deck of cards and tries to get a game of solitaire going but some younger cousins decide to mess with her and she retaliates and ends up in a prank war.

• Mari is the younger cousin who fucks with everybody. Brings gag gifts and tries that fucking stick of chewing gum prank every. Goddamn. Holiday. You know which one I mean:

On the upside she packs a fucktonne of snacks which she shares if you're chill.

Her gum prank snapped one of Jackie's fake nails off once so Shauna retaliated by popping her inflatable duck. It was a whole thing.

• Lottie is petting all the pets. She's running around the house chasing the cat. She's not gonna pull its tail, she hasn't done that since she was two, but she will feed the dog under the table to try to win him over. She's the reason you have ants.

• Laura Lee's family is the one that insists on saying a prayer before every meal. Everyone else is messing around at the kids table but she's actually paying attention, or if it's in a different room, she's the one leading it. She's that one that hangs around the back of the group and acts like a moral compass. "Yeah Mr Sharpe's may have run over your bike Natalie but I don't think it's right to paint his dog red".

• Javi is the baby of the family and everyone is super protective and he is that kid that is just chill and will sit down and colour for fun and he gives out handmade gifts like macaroni necklaces and you all have matching friendship bracelets courtesy of Javi Martinez 🥹

• Travis is that asshole who takes his shit out on everyone else and ruins the vibe. His little brother tries to hang with him but he thinks he's too cool to give him the time of day and just pushes him away, and ends up sitting alone cause no one likes that he's an asshole. Most of the cousin jokes are about how he just needs to get laid. He usually just hogs some prime real estate on the couch and heckles everyone playing video games. Won't play anymore because the few times he tried after talking shit he got his ass summarily handed to him so now he just sits there and sooks and brags about how he could beat everyone if he wanted to, he's just taking it easy on everyone because he's nice. He's the biggest asshole there.

#yellowjackets #headcanons #hcs #mine #my babies #thoughts #Natalie Scatorccio #Misty Quigley #Shauna Shipmam #Jackie Taylor #Taissa Turner #Van Palmer #Mari Yellowjackets #Laura Lee yellowjackets #Javi Martinez #travis martinez

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these-conquered-woodlands · 2 years

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order of the phoenix members & co as incorrect quotes

dumbledore: I’m telling you, my organization's members are all very intelligent and skilled. tonks, rushing in: dumbledore! remus and sirius tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!

sirius: Ask me anything. Go ahead, I'll give you a straight answer. tonks: Why are we so fucking awesome? sirius: That's the best goddamn question anybody's ever asked.

molly: I am going to need you to swear- sirius: Fuck. molly: molly: ...swear as in promise.

molly : Are you drinking enough water? severus: Sometimes my tears get in my mouth.

tonks: So... what would you do if you were in bed with me? remus: Depends. Is your bed comfortable? tonks: Yes. remus: I'd sleep. I wanna sleep.

dumbledore: I'm going to ask you to be respectful to each other. severus and sirius at the same time: I will respectfully decline.

tonks: What happened?! sirius: Do you want the long version or the short version? tonks: Short?? sirius: Shit's fucked. tonks: ...Okay, long. sirius: Shit's very fucked.

mad eye: So I have made the decision to trust you. tonks: A horrible decision, really.

harry: We have a problem. severus, probably: No, you have a problem. We have an idiot who keeps making them.

sirius: Hey I just got a pet snake. What should I name him? remus: A pet WHAT?! tonks: William Snakespeare.

dumbledore: severus is forbidden from monologuing. at meetings, at least.

sirius: Remus, old friend, would you take a killing curse for me? remus: ...yes? *snape angrily bursts into the room* sirius: *running away* Great, thanks!

dumbledore: If you get in trouble, I'm gonna be like... a lawyer to you. Ok? harry: Okay. *later* ministry bro: Potter! Sit down on the chair, you're in trouble. dumbledore, whispering: Deny everything. harry, loudly: That isn't a chair.

mundungus: stop forgiving my crimes, i worked so hard on those.

mad-eye: We've got to find a way to cut down our expenses. What can we live without? kingsley: dumbledore, probably. he bought six new purple robes just this week with the budget we were going to use to bribe mundungus. dumbledore: hey! i'm the only one paying for our expenses!

severus: Why aren’t you sleeping? sirius: I’m too busy plotting your murder to sleep, severus. severus: sirius: …The nightmares. severus: severus: Don't look at me like that, I'm not giving you a hug.

molly: my future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized. arthur: *steps on a rubber duck and proceeds to drop to his knees and sob while apologizing profusely.* molly: that one. i want that one.

arthur: Define “dream” for kids. severus: Dream - the first thing people abandon when they learn how the world works. molly : That’s too dark!

dumbledore: I can explain. some obscure person like emmeline vance, maybe: Can you? dumbledore: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

dumbledore: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go. mad-eye: Those are wanted posters!

remus: I’m sad. tonks: Don’t be sad, because sad backwards is das. tonks: And das not good.

fleur: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt. bill: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

severus: Everything will be ok. You can not stop it. mad-eye: Everything will be fine. You have no choice. mundungus: What kind of pep talk is that? severus: Ominous positivity.

mad-eye: Someone will die. tonks, sarcastically: Oh, fun!

Harry, Ron and Hermione: *Kick the door down looking panicked.* kingsley: What did you do? harry: Nobody died. ron: *nods* molly: WHAT KIND OF AN ANSWER IS THAT?!

#sources: incorrect quote generator and nuwanda moony's blog #ootp is my favorite book #and i feel like the concept of the order of the phoenix was grossly underutilized #like you're telling me there's this group of (pretty odd) people who want to take down a terrorising group with spies and maps and crooks-#and they barely do much? they don't even get a more active role in helping the protagonist #'s cause? c'mon.#btw yall should go read/listen to the rise of the phoenix screenplay that shit is so good #cursed child got nothing on that #hp incorrect quotes #ron weasley #hermione granger #kingsley shacklebolt #mad eye moody #order of the phoenix #alastor moody #hp fandom #nymphadora tonks #albus dumbledore #harry james potter #severus snape #harry potter #molly weasley #arthur weasley #sirius black #remus lupin #fleur delacour #bill weasley

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ultfreakme · 25 days

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ok ok i have 2 things to say:

1) what do you think about yuuji being unaware to junpei having a crush on him?? like, from my part i think he wouldn't see the signs that junpei gave via attitude and corporal language until later. im curious about your takes

2) zukka having a date on the turtleduck pond....... the levels of fluff im dying

Thanks for the ask AAAAHHHHH!!!

Yuuji being oblivious can have two directions; one is that Junpei is trying to hidde all signs that he does have a crush on Yuuji and is failing very badly but literally everyone and their mother knows Junpei has a giant crush on Yuuji. Two is Junpei IS showing his affection, and Yuuji doesn't notice. In the first route, literally no one is having a fun time but Yuuji. Yuuji's like "wow Junpei's so nice, I wonder why he avoids me and acts weird sometimes" and tries to address it but Junpei's like" Me??? WEIRD????? HUH????No I'm not ahahahaha hey anyways wanna talk about this new DVD i got????" In the second, Yuuji has no idea anything is up. He just thinks Junpei is a very near and dear friend who has a lot of consideration for him. And personal hc, if Junpei lived, Yuuji-Junpei would've been the most closest friendship in the group. So now Yuuji's impression of "Best friendship" is Junpei making googly eyes at him, excessive physical contact, cuddling, going on solo hang-outs with the bro(they are basically dates). And everyone else is losing their goddamn minds because these two are practically dating already but Junpei won't CONFESS because he's insecure and scared Yuuji needs to be hit with a rock to figure this out. I think Yuuji, unconsciously, would be doing more romantic gestures and would also FEEL more romantic but he just has not put the label on it. "Oh yeah my heart beats fast around Junpei because I'm usually running to meet him" or "I feel all hot around the collar and blush because he's just so nice when he laughs like wdym you DON'T feel all fluttery too??? Look at him!!" And now Junpei is conflicted because wait is Yuuji....reciprocating? This clown show ends when Nobara and Megumi lock Yuuji and Junpei in their classroom and stage an intervention. Gojo is not helpful at all he keeps staring at them and makes ominous jokes(or threats, no one is sure- it's the Geto trauma getting to him).

2. ZUKKA DATE!!! omg Zuko would be so awkward and shy showing the place to him meanwhile Sokka is like "THE FLUFFIES!!". He's so confused as to why Zuko was acting like he was leading him down the plank just to show this place. It's pretty, it;s cute! Sokka is suffering from a bad case of the butterflies because Zuko's smiling really softly at the ducklings. Sokka is initially a little hesitant about holding them and Zuko thinks its cute how Sokka's like "oh my god, the little dude's nuzzling, they are happy in my hand!!" Zuko probably brought duck feed so they're also feeding them. And maybe it's a chill day so Sokka gets out his brushes and paper to start drawing. It's a terrible drawing but Zuko is on cloud nine because Sokka drew them holding hands and surrounded by the turtleducks. Sokka's trying so hard to make it look good for Zuko because he seems so excited to see it. They'd probably slump against each other under the shade of a tree and watch and relax, Sokka's 100% going to fall asleep on Zuko's shoulder because it's so.....peaceful.....and perfect and he feels safe and warm. Zuko is staying statue-still and admiring Sokka's slack face(literally no one but him thinks its cute, because Sokka sleeps with his mouth wide open and drooling and a little snoring).

#riki asks #itajun #zukka

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the-gayest-show · 3 months

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Thoughts on the Hazbin Hotel series so far? Episodes 1 - 3 were fine, but 4 - 6, goddamn. Great character dynamics, compelling themes, and music that BANGS harder than Disney can deliver atm. I’m so happy this show is approaching greatness cause Viv is talented when she wants to be.

I've kept this ask in the back burner until I've watched all of the episodes from 1-6, so I have done so and here are my takes!!!

This show is great! Really great! Some of the songs have made it in my head and remained there to this day (I'm looking at you, Stayed Gone), and ngl the 1-3 episodes had great character dynamics from the start, though I feel genuinely like there shoulda been a much better intro to HH in e1. It feels like you just spawned in this world and are expected to know everything. I guess it's made with the pilot in mind but that should be clarified at least.

Episodes 4-6 omfg.

Episode 4 was great, loved the insight into Angel Dust, though I'm not as severely attached to him but it was great regardless. Good shit! The song was pretty good.

Episode 5... what to say about it... I FUCKING LOVED IT OMFG HBISABIEBIBVBWVICSJBEBVWIFOI I don't know why but lucifer is in my brain. he is in my soul. i cried at More Than Anything, I am in the process of making a lucifer video comp because of him. The blorbo ever. Instantly fits all the slots to the "silly traumatized men" category of characters that I love so much. The deisgn, his silliness. His voice. Unmatched. I AM NOT NORMAL ABOUT HIM AND HIS ARC YOU SEE!!!! I CANT CONTAIN THE SILLY BECAUSE HE IS SILLY!!! HE FUCKIN ROCKS! I LOVE THE SILLY FALLEN ANGEL!!!

worst part is i can now (more tragically [not]) compare the show to Good Omens and DO. YOU. UNDER. STAND!!!! LUCIFER JUST LIKE CROWLEY FR!!!! I LOVE ME SILLY MEN WITH TRAUMA!! FALLEN ANGEL!!!! *screams*

BRO MAKES DUCKS!!!!! CROWLEY AND DUCKS!!!! BOTH OF THEM WITH DUCKS AHHHHHHHH!!!! LUCIFER IS CANONICALLY DEPRESSED AND MAKES THE SILLIEST JOKES EVER!!! HE'S SO SILLY JUST LIKE ME FRRRRRRRRRRR

episode 6 was great it was pretty good and nice reveal and "you didn't know" goes hard with the "if hell is forever than heaven must be a lie" lyric.

yeah uh that's what i got for now!

#posts #asks #hazbin hotel #TL:DR: I developed a fixation on lucifer moringstar and i NEED bros lore ASAP #*grabs you* HELP. ME.

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moon-swag-tourney · 10 months

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Propaganda below!

Princess Yue

She was blessed by the moon spirits than turned into the moon herself. No one can compete with that.

The Sokka & Zuko "Well, my first girlfriend turned into the moon." / "That's rough, buddy." meme is referencing Yue - that's the girlfriend that turned into the moon!

THE moon character of all time like c'mon. she turned into the moon. will her sacrifice be for naught??? she's yue from avatar the last airbender c'mon guys

She sacrificed herself to save her people even though she had just found someone who loved her as a person and not a princess. She's all about sacrificing her own wants for duty, and right when she starts to realize maybe that's a little unfair she has to become the moon spirit and leave behind all the people she loves.

And she's pretty.

How many characters are the literal moon. How many.

Bro. She's the moon. She IS the moon.

Vote Yue for Sokka's same

She's very much and selfless, becoming the moon spirit to save the world from permanent imbalance.

She IS the moon

That's rough, buddy

You know the meme "my girlfriend turned into the moon" "that's rough buddy". This is that girlfriend. This is that moon.

She literally is the moon.

She played a major role for a one-off character

Victim of forced marriage

Her interactions with Sokka were really funny

She has white hair, what's not to love

Legitimately I love her, underappreciated in the fandom for how great she is.

"My first girlfriend turned into the moon."

"That's rough buddy."

"My first girlfriend turned into the moon."

"That's rough buddy."

She died in a main character's arms & it fucked him up SO bad. It affects him thru to the end of the show & keeps coming up. LOVE it when main characters get traumatized!!

Della Duck

just look at her shes badass she amputated her own leg and made a prosthetic out of spare rocket parts shes not perfect but shes trying her goddamn best to be a good mother okay she is The character ever

greatest character of all time!

dear tournament runner i am so so sorry for the essay i'm about to write but i am not normal about my girl della

della duck is donald duck's twin sister and huey dewey and louie's mother

the whole history behind her is so interesting bc she unintentionally became the greatest mystery of the disney duck comic verse

one of disney's many weird rules is that their main 6 characters are not allowed to have children or parents. this rule is kinda wobbly in the sense that on one hand, it does get broken (goofy has a son in some canons & donalds mother is shown in some comics (though only in scrooge's flashbacks, she's never allowed to interact with donald)), on the other hand, it also tends to sometimes get applied to characters who are not part of the main 6 but still main characters. this rule meant, that when they wanted their main characters to interact with kids, they invented nieces and nephews. which had the added bonus that when they wanted to stories without them, they didn't have to explain the kids' absence (like for example mickey's nephews, which barely ever appear and, fun fact, were actually invented before huey dewey and louie). so, in one newspaper comic strip, huey dewey and louie were introduced and with them, della was mentioned for the first time, in a letter asking donald to take care care of the boys while their father is in a hospital from a prank they pulled. (said father was never mentioned again btw.)

after that, della didn't appear again for a while, and several shorts and comics revealed that donald has legally adopted the kids. different comics implied that donald has been taking care of the triplets their entire life, instead of just since recently like in their first appearance.

later comics actually showed della for the first time - however, only in flashbacks to donald's childhood. these comics also made her donald's twin. the only piece of media that showed her as an adult was her portrait in the duck family tree.

that is, until 2014 the first comic showing adult della and her fate was released - a dutch comic that was only reprinted in brazil, germany and the netherlands, and even in those countries, anything containing this story is pretty hard to get. it was never officially translated to english (thank god for fantranslations, tho). this comic showed della as a pilot, who tested a rocket and got lost in space when huey dewey and louie were babies. this is where her association with space and a lot of her ducktales 2017 characterisation originates from.

so, let's get into her biggest ever appearence - the ducktales reboot!

from the very beginning of this show, she's set up as the big overarching mystery - a little bit like the author from gravity falls. the pilot ends with dewey discovering a painting of her. it's a very shocking moment and for most viewers the first time they've ever seen della.

so like in the comic, she's a pilot, and she's been going on adventures with donald and scrooge for years. scrooge builds a rocket for her as a surprise gift for when her children hatch but she finds out about it and decides to take it for a test ride, during which she crashes it on the moon. so, she's stuck there, but nothing can stop della duck! she spends the entire 10 years fixing the rocket until she finally manages to get back to earth to her kids.

della is funny, strong, determined and just one of the best characters in the entire show. and she tries so hard to be a good mom to her kids after being absent for a decade even though she struggles so much to adjust back to life on earth.

i just love della so so much

#princess yue #avatar the last airbender #atla #della duck #ducktales 2017 #ducktales spoilers #poll #moon poll

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tsuki-sennin · 5 months

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Okaeri, Sabi-senpai :)

Anyhoo, WOOOOOOOOOO SUPER GOTCHARD

BRO THIS IS SO LIT OH MY GOD

THAT'S WHY HE'S THE GOOOOAT

-Hello, Goat-aro.

-...Oh, that's actually a good pun. I'm gonna hold that in my back pocket.

-Dinosaur~!

-HE'S EATING PEOPLE

-Oh shit, crimbus

-Hoppa pa~! Hoppa pa~!

-Christmas Gotcha!

-Oh fuck, Kudoh

-Oh don't worry Rinne. If you lived in America, you'd see them come up on November 1st.

-Ahhhhh, planning ahead.

-Well, you don't know! Lotsa people love a good peking duck Christmas.

-Renge-oneesan...

-Wanna come eat dinner? :3

-Ohhhhh, I see...

-Day off time~!

-Free the Hopper

-To the lake with us.

-Oh, hey man.

-"The fuck...?"

-Oh god, dinosaurs, it's the revenge of Revice.

-"That kid's really messing you up, huh Rinne-san?"

-Rinne... :(

-Ohhhhh, Hotaro... :(

-You poor kids.

-They're gonna have to deal with X-Rex later too :(

-Oh, now

-Level 10~!

-"Ohhhhh coool! Dinosaurs~! I wanna hug him~!"

-"You'll be hugging his colon in five minutes if you're not careful."

-"Civilization~!"

-Hi Spanner.

-I see the Alchemist Guild is still acting hella sus.

-Sawa

-Oh, you're

-Definitely unrelated, don't mind me little lady.

-I really like your outfit, it's super cute and comfy looking.

-Are we getting rival magazines?

-Cryptozoology~!

-Unfortunately a field littered with pseudoscience and sensationalist television, but definitely no less legitimate a science in the Kamen Rider verse than alchemy.

-Oh hi, Spanner.

-"Come fight me, you vermin."

-"Gladl- wh- hey!"

-"I called dibs~! Remember~?"

-Oh hell yeah, Lachesis Rider.

-I see Dread's power doesn't affect them negatively at all. As expected.

-"Oh no you don't, Kurogane Spanner~!"

-GIRL???????

-...oh man, now I'm completely enamored.

-God, Valvarad's just getting Worfed left and right. ...it's like the second coming of G3.

-...Hikawa, I'm so sorry.

-Oh my god, she blows a kiss.

-"You can keep your shitty wrench sword, we want Kamen Rider's belt."

-The internet is dominated with talks about the Kamen Rider~!

-OH MY GOD, HE ATE HIM

-Cut! Drag! Paste!

-That's our Kamen Rider for you.

-Oh..... a photograph...

-We're Bowser's Inside Story now.

-Literal Vore.

-Ohhh....

-Pops....

-A beautiful dream...

-Okay, while Chemies numbered 1-9 can be forcibly merged by human malice, Level 10 Chemies instead have the capacity to choose what they seek out.

-I wonder if that's how X-Wizard drives the plot in the movie?

-Ohhhh... Sawa-chan...

-Y-you don't know that! He could've gotten eaten by X-Rex and dropped it!

-"What the hell man, no! I'm not gonna lie about my beloved dinosaurs!"

-He was so desperate to keep it together...

-Ohhhhhhh, nooooo, Manabe-san... :(

-Noooooooo :((((

-Give the man hope :)

-"Kudoh Rinne. I'm gonna smash your bug boyfriend into paste."

-X-Rex wants to know....

-"Come eat me instead~!"

-Manabe-san's had quite a wild day. First he has a depression walk over his journalistic integrity, then he gets eaten by a dinosaur, then he's stuck wallowing over his poor daughter, and now this kid's inviting him to probe his mind.

-WHAAAAAAT????

-EXCUSE ME?????

-WHERE THAT HOPPER COME FROM????

-Gotcha get???

-UFO-X... we made a friend :)

-Croissant~!

-And now he's an alien.

-Zoop~!

-"Child murder~! My favorite hobby~!"

"Fucking finally. I've been waiting all goddamn month for this!"

-OHHHHHHHH FUUUUCK CLOTHO TIME

-...y'know, looking at Dread's design, it can be quite feminine.

-"This form's ours, you little shit. Of course we do it better."

-Hi X-Rex :)

-Gonna leave us off on a cliff hanger, eh?

-Ohhhhh, I don't mind! I got a lot of what I wanted from this run of episodes, so... I can only hope Clotho gets to cause all the carnage she wants even with Hotaro trouncing her.

-Oh shit, Rinne/Atropos duel, X-Wizard cameo, and form debut battle?

-Going a mile a minute next week!

-KAJIKI SERVES?????

-The legends are true...

-No wonder Kaguya made him his butler in the A.R. World.

#Pull Another Gotcha! 101 Dreams to Catch!#kamen rider #kamen rider gotchard #kr gotchard #gotchard spoilers

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idiopath-fic-smile · 2 years

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thewalrus-said

oh my god, geoff as a werewolf. please. i would read it.

okay, tell u what, i will post what i had, which was more than i remembered.

for anyone who wants to follow along at home:

nicodemus "nic" silver is a fictitious former reporter and current fictitious podcaster, host of the equally fictitious podcast Tanis, which concerns paranormal happenings around a migratory patch of forest. i can no longer remember if it's canon that he has a dog, or if my friends and i simply decided it was so. at one point, he is drugged by enemies, but don't worry, he's fine. he is canonically kind of oblivious, although i don't think he was written this way on purpose. it is, however, definitely In The Text.

geoff van sant is his friend, an interview subject who continues to hang around the edges of the narrative. he was in the military for a while. he mentions in passing talking to a woman named Sheila, which i only mention because it comes up here. he has a very friendly, bro-y energy and is helpful to the point of being a little mysterious. like he canonically lives an hour away but is always 100% prepared to drive out to wherever nic is. the show Tanis (which i did not finish and probably wouldn't recommend [ETA: DEFINITELY would not recommend]) has its reasons for why this is, and i've got mine.

story piece under the cut.

(trigger warnings for fleeting violence, and a brief discussion or two around the fact that nic was canonically drugged against his will at one point. further trigger warning that it happens again here, although geoff finds him and intervenes before anything happens.)

They were sitting on Nic’s front porch, starting in on their second beers and petting Nic’s ridiculous dog (Ness—allegedly a history reference and not some stealth lake creature joke but Geoff wanted proof, man) when Nic said, out of the blue, “Hey, so I have this thing on Thursday, if you—”

Geoff swallowed just this side of too fast and tried to ignore the way Nic had pushed all the words out in one breath, the nervous clench of Nic’s fingers around the bottle, the absence of the audio recorder. None of that meant anything.

For the first, oh, five or six months they’d known each other, Geoff had watched for signs like it was his goddamn job, like he was the noir detective Nic sometimes played at being—looks that lasted too long, smiles that didn’t quite make sense, any clue that the chemistry wasn’t one hundred percent one-sided.

But a year out from that first night at the bar, and none of it had amounted to anything. Nic still didn’t call without a reason, still responded to flirting with the same ducked head and muted laugh, no followthrough. Signs surfaced left and right but Geoff was 0 for about a thousand. False positives, far as the eye could see. Sooner or later, a guy got tired. Took a hint. Moved on.

Or, you know. Stopped jumping on the freeway to Seattle any time his phone rang, but—well. The embarrassing truth was: even more than wanting to suck his dick, Geoff just liked the guy. Nic was fun, easy to talk to. When you told him a story, you pretty much always got the reaction you were going for. Might’ve been a reporter thing, coaxing out the details, but Geoff chalked it up to something less calculated, more basic. Deep down, Nic Silver wanted to be impressed. He wanted to be interested. He wanted shit to move him and change him. It was hard to turn your back on that.

Also, he had a fucking great dog.

The sentence hung half-finished in the air for the space of a full inhale and exhale.

“If I...” Geoff filled in. As conversational volleys went, hardly a gold medal move. No way did it merit Nic falling silent, picking at the bottle label with a thumbnail.

“Do you know Forest Park?” said Nic. “In—that’s out by you, right?”

“Practically my backyard,” said Geoff, keeping his face as neutral as he could. Did he know Forest Park. At this point, all too fucking well.

He’d liked camping, once. He was almost sure of that.

“Because there’s—there’s this cultist,” Nic went on, and Geoff took another long pull of beer, less to hide his disappointment and more a bitter little toast to the universe. Of course there was a cultist. There was always a cultist. Geoff knew that by now. Should’ve known it. “Or, an ex-cultist, really, who said they wanted to meet up and tell me the truth about Paul, whatever that means. And the only place they’re willing to talk is—”

“The middle of the woods?” said Geoff. “Nic, buddy, hate to say it, but have you considered maybe it’s not a renegade but just a couple of true believer girls who wanna have their way with your nubile podcaster body? ‘Cause that is a problem you have in your life sometimes.”

It no longer counted as flirting, Geoff figured, if you didn’t do it with any real intent, any goal beyond the hilarity of watching Nic stumble with his words.

“I don’t really have, uh, any way of verifying what they’re after,” Nic said. “That’s why I was gonna ask if you wanted to maybe come along. Last time, with the thermos and the, the blindfold, that was—that was helpful, so.”

If today was the day Nic Silver admitted that only dumbasses visited super fucking shady mystery locations by themselves—the next mouthful of pale ale suddenly tasted that much brighter.

“How many more times do I play bodyguard for you before I start asking for benefits and dental?” Geoff said with a grin.

Nic coughed. “I thought maybe I could cover dinner beforehand,” he said. “If that, uh, works for. you.” NO HOMO, screamed his hunched-up shoulders, his downcast eyes, his thumbnail still doing damage to the beer label.

“Sure,” said Geoff, light as he possibly could. He nudged Nic in the side: Hey, just a pair of dudes being bros being pals, nothing to worry about. “Steak and lobster’s on you, then, man.”

“You don’t like lobster,” Nic reminded him. “You said the idea of it grosses you out, that it’s too close to eating a giant chewy bug.”

“Sounds like something I’d say,” Geoff agreed. Nic smiled at him, nudged him back for no clear reason. Geoff opened his mouth to point this out and then didn’t.

“So,” said Nic, reaching across him to pull Ness back by the collar before she could knock over the empties. He straightened back up, pushing the hair out of his eyes. “Uh, day after tomorrow at 7:30?”

“Sounds great,” Geoff mumbled, distracted. Did Nic usually smell that good? Then again, everything from the beer on his tongue to the line of the sky against the ground felt sharper than usual. More vital.

Pieces started to slide into place just then. Shit. Geoff reached into his pocket, unlocked his phone, opened the app he’d downloaded two months ago and checked the calendar.

Yup.

“Shit, sorry,” Geoff said, running a hand through his hair. “I actually—I can’t, I’ve got something that night.”

“Like what?”

“Plans.” He slipped his phone back into his pocket. With any luck, Nic would drop it.

“What type of plans?” said Nic, and okay, Geoff could’ve seen that coming.

“It’s not—people make plans sometimes.” At the end of the day, Geoff was not great at lying, but he’d gotten decent at muddying the waters. He tried for a grin. “Feels like I should be insulted you’re this surprised I might have friends outside of you.”

Nic’s lips thinned, almost imperceptible. “Plans with Sheila?”

It took a second to even understand what he was getting at. “What,” said Geoff, laughing, “with my sixty-year-old dental hygienist? I’m sure Sheila parties hard, but—” He shook his head. “Not so much.”

Could’ve been his imagination but he thought he saw Nic’s shoulders settle.

Nic had a whole social circle of his own. He had no right to be possessive of Geoff’s friendship. Nine out of ten days, it would’ve pissed Geoff off. Probably better to blow right past whatever part of his psyche was all but wagging its tail right now at the thought of Nic being possessive of him. Wagging its tail, or curling up at Nic’s feet.

“Is it a military thing?” Nic said at last.

Geoff breathed through his nose. “Ex-military,” he said. “But yeah.” You could argue that wasn’t even a lie. “Like, a recovery treatment kind of thing.” Okay: complete and utter horseshit, but in a ‘necessarily evil’ kind of way. At Nic’s furrowing brow, he added, “It’s ongoing.”

For some reason, that was the word Nic seemed to really find reassuring: Ongoing. Geoff’s plans were ongoing, alright. Ongoing for the rest of his fucking life, however long that was. He took another swig of beer. Here’s to you, universe. At least you know your way around irony. Kudos, asshole.

“Well, I don’t want to keep you from that,” said Nic.

“Can’t you reschedule?”

“I don’t have a way of contacting them,” said Nic, because of course he fucking didn’t. Of course. “Look, we’re meeting up right by the parking lot. It’s a well-traveled area. I don’t really think anything will happen.”

“Historically, how’s that worked out for you?” said Geoff, without thinking about it. He always forgot how spotty his impulse control got until it was too late.

Nic frowned.

Maybe, thought Geoff, it wouldn’t all be a fucking shitshow.

A guy could dream.

***

A guy could dream. He could. Didn’t mean Geoff was surprised when it all went to hell.

In the end, there wasn’t time for surprise, bounding into a moonlit clearing to see three strangers trying to drag Nic’s limp body across the ground. Geoff didn’t think. He lunged.

It was nothing like Afghanistan. There was no calculation, no strategy. He didn’t need one. Instinct pulled at him like an undertow, drove him forward. None of the men had thought to bring a weapon. Stupid. He threw his full weight at them, reared away when one man kicked him hard in the side, bared his teeth, and lunged again.

In his peripheral vision, a flicker as Nic lifted his head. Conscious, then. But sluggish, distant, a chemical tang underlying his usual smell. They’d drugged him.

Geoff wheeled back to face the strangers. All three had heavy boots, clenched fists, some amount of combat training. Fighting to stand their ground, but their nervous sweat carried on the wind. They were afraid of him.

Good.

***

Geoff came to with the first weak rays of sun streaming through the nylon of his tent. Every muscle ached. His arms and legs felt out of joint, like his whole body had been broken and then jammed back together in the dark. Go figure. He stretched as well as he could in the narrow space. Geoff didn’t need much room on his own—morning after an outing like this, and all he generally wanted to do was shut his eyes and lie real fucking still.

Not in the cards today, though. Not after last night. Fuck.

Could’ve been a lot worse. He’d managed to run the men off, no other witnesses in sight. Nic had been docile to a degree that was honestly frightening, but with-it enough to let Geoff guide him to safety. Unharmed, far as Geoff had been able to tell. Now he was sleeping, judging from the steady, even breaths. Thank god for that.

Geoff shook himself, trying to unstick the urge that tugged at him to crawl over and fit himself against Nic’s side, bury his face in Nic’s chest and drink in the tick of that heartbeat. Objectively, it was creepy as fuck. Geoff knew that. Most of Geoff knew that.

Point was, Nic would be up soon, and that meant Geoff needed to pull himself together. Act fast. Come up with a cover story. What had he been doing in the woods? How had he found Nic’s attackers? Could he chalk that up to the military background, too? Sooner or later, it was bound to wear thin.

Inside of his mouth felt thick and sticky, bitter but not metallic. Probably not blood, then. Just dehydration. He’d stashed a water bottle in the tent someplace, but—he scratched at the hinge of his jaw. Something dark flaked off under his fingers. This time, it might’ve been blood. Not his.

So, there was that.

He really, really had to get moving. He knew this. He turned to squint at the tent flap, wondering if he could make it out and back in time to—

“...Geoff?” Nic mumbled.

Shit.

“Uh, yeah, buddy?” Geoff twisted his neck back around, trying to keep his voice level.

Nic stared up at him, pupils too wide, even for the dim tent. Still flying high, then. Probably for the best, although seeing him like this made Geoff’s skin crawl.

“You were right,” Nic managed. “I think that was a set-up. With the—but after the guys, I thought I saw—makes no fucking sense, because it seemed like it had, uh, human cognition, awareness, but it was a—”

“You’re fine,” said Geoff quickly. Too quickly. Nic tilted his head to one side, slow, like a cartoon deer and Geoff looked back at his open, trusting face and cast around for the least disturbing explanation. Whatever the hell that was. “It’s nothing,” he heard himself say. “Just a dream.”

If they were both very lucky, Nic would forget this conversation by morning.

“I’m dreaming?” said Nic.

Geoff took a deep breath, pinned all his hopes to Nic’s skeptical streak. “Doesn’t that make more sense than whatever wild shit you thought you saw?”

Nic mulled this over. He craned his neck to fix Geoff with a long, considering look. “Is that why.”

“Is that why what,” Geoff prompted, itching at that spot on his jaw again. What were the odds he’d have time to wash his face before Nic woke up for real?

“Is that why you’re naked,” said Nic.

Geoff froze. He was naked because, far as he knew, there was no way to hold onto your clothes through a full—shifting, transformation, whatever. Fuck, did he wish there was. Never more than right now, with Nic blinking up at him.

Well. People’s subconsciouses came up with all kinds of weird shit every day.

“Uh, yep,” he said. “It’s, uh—Look, doesn’t mean anything, don’t worry about it.”

“I’m not,” said Nic. He swallowed. “Not worried.”

Come to think of it, Nic really should’ve been. If Geoff had been drugged against his will and then woke up in a tent with a naked guy, he would’ve punched that man in the teeth and ran for the hills, no matter who it was. Then again, maybe Nic was just too high to put it all together.

“It’s cool,” said Geoff. “I’m just gonna stay on this side of the tent, and—”

“No,” said Nic. "C’mere.” He—”beckoned” was way too precise for his sweeping, noodly arm motion, but it had that general shape. When Geoff didn’t jump to follow, he waved his arm again. “Geoff,” he said, louder, insistent.

Geoff looked around sharply, out of habit. Forest Park had trails and stuff, but camping here wasn’t technically allowed. Geoff only went because it was closest, and driving could be a problem around this time of month. Slipping under the radar was the name of the game.

“Shh,” said Geoff.

“C’mere.” Even louder.

Mentally, he weighed the pros and cons. He would’ve rather kept his distance, for a lot of reasons, but priority one had to be keeping Nic safe, which meant keeping him calm. Priority two was dodging an arrest for vagrancy. Last thing Geoff needed was a record. Priority three—well, priority three was everything else, including how bad it hurt to move.

Geoff gritted his teeth and picked his way over to where Nic lay curled on one side. “Hey,” said Nic with a vacant smile. He gave another noodly arm wave. “C’mere.” It was hard to get much closer. Not without bringing his naked body uncomfortably into Nic’s space. Geoff levered himself back to the floor of the tent until they were lying side by side, faces level, like two kids on a camping trip. One with more s’mores and singalongs, less blood and claws and trespassing. “Nic,” he said, “Man. Bad news. If you’re about to tell me the secrets of the universe, none of it’s gonna make any sense to you tomorrow.” Nic’s flailing hand landed on Geoff’s bare shoulder. Geoff watched his eyebrows knit together, unable to take in the fact of flesh and muscle and bones. Just as well that Nic was visibly still tripping. He was barely here right now, not in any way that mattered, and that made it easier not to give in and wrap both arms around him, breathe in the smell of coffee and ginger shampoo. That constant ache to reach out went beyond a pang in the chest. It weighed on his skin, crept into his joints, ground at the back of his throat like little pieces of glass. But it wasn’t so bad like this. Geoff lay still, let Nic marvel at the texture of his shoulder or what-the-fuck-ever, counting the seconds until Nic lost interest, lost consciousness. Couldn’t be long. His eyes were already almost at half-mast. Nic would let go and nod off, and then Geoff would be able to crawl out of the tent, retrieve his nearest stash of clothes, get dressed and make a plan. Wasn’t so bad. Nic dragged his palm up the nape of Geoff’s neck, threaded his fingers into Geoff’s hair. Geoff swallowed. “It’s so soft,” said Nic. “That’s—that’s really just the nature of hair, buddy,” Geoff told him, level as possible. Nic hummed and swept his fingertips across Geoff’s scalp again, slower. “Like petting a spaniel,” he mumbled. Geoff dug his nails into the meat of his palms and counted to five, trying not to close his eyes against the feeling of a hand in his hair. How long since anyone had touched him like this? Impossible to say. It’d been a rough night, a rough week, a rough decade, and Geoff hurt all over, just wanted to sleep, just wanted to cuddle up to Nic and stretch this moment out, make it last as long as he could. His willpower was always the weakest the morning after a change. Every craving felt like a good idea. He felt his head tip forward. Nic laughed, seemingly at nothing, the way very stoned people did sometimes, and Geoff’s stomach curdled. No way around it: this was a fucked up thing to do with a guy too out of it to remember his own phone number. He started to pull back. Nic tugged on a fistful of hair, just hard enough to make Geoff’s nerve endings sing. Nic did it again, and Geoff’s mind went so blank that he did a very stupid thing: he let his eyes slip shut for a second, long enough to catch his breath.

Also long enough, it turned out, for Nic to press their mouths together. Geoff shoved him away. Nic tried to grab at him again, but it was no contest. Weak and shaky as Geoff was, it still felt like wrestling a kitten. Took about two moves to capture both Nic’s wrists, pin them to the ground. Nic looked slowly from Geoff’s face back to Geoff’s hands wrapped around his wrists and beamed like it was Christmas morning. Shit. Geoff let go in a hurry, scrambled to the other side of the tent. “Not happening,” Geoff told him firmly. “Absolutely not fucking happening.” Whatever they’d dosed him with, it must’ve had ecstasy in it or something. Geoff tried to force the bile back down his throat, tried to focus on something else. Anything else. The rush of blood in his ears. The birds resolutely chirping outside. The steady rise and fall of Nic’s breathing, finally starting to even out. Just before Nic went under again, Geoff thought he might’ve heard him mutter, “This dream is disappointing.” ‘Fucking tell me about it,’ thought Geoff.

#the great pacifica garbage patch

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justasadboi · 1 month

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I had to talk to my dad today and ask a really big favor from him and even thinking about it makes me wanna blow my brains all over my fucking walls. Like now I have to go see him and have dinner with him and I was like not even gonna fucking see him at all and now I gotta go make nice with him. Like he has the fucking audacity to fucking tell me about the fucking concert he took his gfs kids to and like I wanted to fucking scream. Like I remember asking him to give me money to go to a concert and like supervise and whatever and he was like no. And then he’s like yeah it was like a full circle moment cause these people were my first concert and it was their first concert like wow crazy. And I’m like wow that’s awesome hahahah but in my head I’m like you dumb fuck I’m gonna blow up ur fucking house you piece of dog shit. Like I’m ready to fucking explode on goddamn everyone. Like I’ve just been bitchy today and distant but if I talk to these people im going to be a ducking cunt and idk what the fuck im supposed to do. Like my sister is gonna be in town when I go and idk if she’s gonna be staying with my mom or not and like I just wanna go home to my mom and fucking cry and freak out to her like idk wtf im doing I just wanna fucking die I don’t wanna deal with shit at home I don’t wanna live with my mom but I can’t live on my own financially or even mentally so like wtf is left for me bro how am I supposed to survive. Like im tryna be helpful for my bf cause he’s like having an episode but all I wanna do is fucking starve myself and cut myself and lay in bed till I fucking die. Or I wanna fucking scream at everyone around me and be like I don’t wanna be the fucking star anymore I want to be a fucking person not a goddamn star everyone looks at and talks about but doesn’t fucking care about or help. We kill our fucking planet and then complain that’s it’s breaking like wtf do you except that’s goddamn math 1+1=2 always have always fucking will. But even those numbers are made up so who tf actually fucking know

#bpd #the end of that just ended up going wild #idrk what happened there #but like fuck my dad #mad at my mom but I don’t blame her at all she and her bf just have me 550 dollars so like whatever #but like wtf #all he wants to do is talk about how I was an asshole drug addict when I was 16 #but like I’m not 16 and I haven’t been for a while #so idk why we need to bring up that I fucking suck #like I fucking suck rn but you wouldn’t know cause you aren’t fucking here #no one is fucking here #I feel like I’m in a goddamn bubble that y’all see but can’t get thru #I don’t wanna eat Easter dinner rn I hardly fucking ate today and it just feels right

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self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2 · 6 months

Text

Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 09x15 #thinman

“Duck face” “Is that a Chihuahua on her shirt?” Probably back when the Taco Bell dog was popular

“Oh I forgot about that” “You’re going to fkn die” “Ope. We’re calling 911 now.” “Close the one side but not the other!” “just stay on the line; it’ll be fine. The cops will save you” “to protect and to serve…donuts” “what a bitchy thing to say” “might want to get those rear bushings looked at” “Is this some Ghostfacers shit?” pounding his fist in the air

“Son of a bitch. Such a dean thing to say” “what’s the dickens?” it’s a saying “I know” “Who the fuck names their kid Tray? One of my cousins named their kid Tray” “Are they dead?” They didn’t just hire them back for the episode

“Oh” laughter

“The web design is hilariously Hollywood” “Is there a specific band of EMF they’re looking for? They mention power lines but wifi is still a thing. Bluetooth and fkn cell phones. Goddamn everything has a radio in it, even my cock has a SIM card installed” “What is this fkn carving? He’s got like a jock strap. Is this Paul Bunyan and Babe the blue ox?” “Need to talk to his tailor. Those pants fit real good” “Why do people like to stalk other people that they don’t like on the internet? It’s just dumb and complicated. Just get over it” “See! He agrees with me!!” “Are the bereaved parents home for this? They’re just making a film about how the girl died in the closet. Idk if the family would be ok with it” “It’s probably just your pits bro” “That’s just creepy” “pussy” “What do you think about that backsplash?” “All you gotta do is take a pano shot on an iPhone and you’ve got thinman” “Talking about a case here. Why are we mixing that with whatever” “I believe this is our Mr. Tray again” “At least he drives a wagon. Brings him up a few notches” “autistic boy’s goldfish? Or the goldfish is autistic? I think it’s the boy’s goldfish” “Are they leaving because they’re scared or something?” “really?” “The woods is where trees hang out” “Wouldn’t you blind yourself in oncoming traffic?” “I was going to say the same thing - good times man” “so the park bench is deep in the woods?” “oopsie” “Is he trying to say that they’re the guys without the cream filling?” “Pile shapes. That’s good” “Might want to charge that camera battery too” “How can you say it’s not real when he just got stabbed by it?” “Did he staple his gut together?” “some space bitch” “It went” “the fuck?” “Do they not have enough money to put a roof on this set?” “Just fkn swallows every time Sam is trying to be serious” “Is that a Jaegermeister fridge thing?” “My parents let me have a blimp in my room when I was a kid. I’d fill it up and hang it off the ceiling. Wanna know what it said? Jaegermeister” “Doesn’t even have a bolt. You didn’t need to pick it in the first place” “huh” “what the fuck is that?” “what the fuck” “That’s not adhered very well” “Good reason to have a beard. Can’t tape your mouth down properly” “really?” “that whole meme thing did not age” “Thanks Dean. Oh never mind” “sound design is good” “that hollow reverb like they’re outside near a bunch of metal things. Old shipping yard or something. It’s nice” “Kinda fucked your friend over there bud” “He doesn’t look too happy” “Isn’t the show usually over by now?” “Why would you be in a rocking chair when you’re old with your old college roommate?”

#beautifulspouserewatchesspn #supernatural rewatch #supernatural #supernatural s9

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toehwa6 · 1 year

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You wanna know some fucking bullshit.

Listen to this dumb fucking shit.

So to the puzzle gang out there you know that og plastic 2x2’s are literally the craziest puzzles you can get like crazy collectors shit

I currently have two a stickerless and a white one. I need a fucking black one to complete the collection.

I’ve been looking for these stupid fucking things for years.

Well low and fucking behold some rando fuck shows up on Reddit going

oG pLaStIc 2x2’s for sale I got a bunch I’m ready to get rid of them blah blah blah

So I hit this dumb motherfucker up and I’m like

Hello please let me purchase your one black og plastic Dayan 2x2

He’s super cool shows me the puzzle blah blah blah

I pay him and he says he’s sending it out tomorrow

Doesn’t hit me up

I go, hey buddy! Did you send it?

He goes

Oh yeah, sorry I don’t check Reddit much! Yes I sent it out

I ask, when’s it gonna be here, tracking, how’d you send it blah blah blah

Doesn’t hit me up

I go, boi you fucking there?

He goes

Oh yeah, sorry I don’t check Reddit much!

This stupid motherfucker made a post on Reddit the day after I sent a message so he’s fucking ducking me

He goes. They said it’ll be there on the 18th

And then he fucking ghosts me again when I ask for tracking

At this point I’m losing my fucking mind

Eventually he gets back to me and calls me a fucking weirdo, saying he’s never had someone yell at him like this before

Like listen dumb fuck, you’re shipping one of the rarest fucking puzzles there are and you don’t give a fuck

That’s fucking weird

You literally don’t reply AT ALL, let alone with any tracking or a “hey I sent your package out”

He literally goes

Idk it sounds like YOURE the scammer trying to get a free puzzle from me!

Bro! You’re fucking r-ed!

I already paid you and I’m screaming for tracking to make sure you actually fucking sent it.

I’m losing my mind at this point.

This stupid motherfucker hits me with a “you’re*” joke

I want to fucking kms

He then makes some dumb fuck comment about how I didn’t pay him PayPal did

Like, are you actually r-ed?

You’re so fucking stupid Jesus fucking Christ

Anyway. I argue with this dumb motherfucker for a bit until he’s like alright jeez I’ll get you tracking jeez leave me alone

He gets me tracking, we say sorry. I wait for this stupid fucking puzzle to get here.

IT GETS HERE OMG

guess what

It’s not a fucking 50mm puzzle

You know, like the actual rare one? The one people actually use? The one people make a big deal out of?

Btw, forgot to mention

I call this guy out for not giving a fuck and he goes

Gosh it’s just a puzzle, “it’s not a million dollars”

No shit you fucking idiot

But you know what the fuck it is

The minute I hit this motherfucker with

Hey! I didn’t even know 46mm was a thing! I don’t want this! Give me a refund!

He goes

Oh, yeah, sorry forgot to mention the size

It’s still the og plastic and the same mechanism

I shit you not

“Still very sought after”

Like no it’s fucking not you fucking ape

And boom

That when he stops messaging me

Actually

He fucking blocked me

I find this out by(after the reason I’m furious which I’m going to explain) going on a fucking alt because Reddit said his account was gone

Nope!

Just fucking blocked me!

I write up this long as fucking chargeback on PayPal and absolute goddamn motherfucker the fucking page fucking takes me back to the fucking log in screen after I hit submit and everything I typed up for 30 fucking minutes is fucking GONE

I’m losing my mind and can no longer fucking REWRITE anything because I’m just FUCKED

I’m FUCKED

So I go to message this stupid fucker and say

Hey bud, refund me before I smack you with this chargeback

Btw I’m saying that you purposefully left out important info in order to mislead people

That’s when it hit me

His account is gone

And he blocked me on PayPal cause I can’t fucking message him there??

So I go on one of my many fucking alts

And look this motherfucker up

And write on one of his stupid fucking comments

Hey guy, message me back on my main before I smack you with this chargeback tomorrow. Thanks bye.

FUCK. YOU.

And that’s where the fuck I’m at now.

Bitching on a stupid fucking TUMBLR POST BECAUSE IM FUCKING MAD AT FUCKING NOTHING

I WANT TO FUCKING DIE

I JUST WANT TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF

IM MISERABLE

MY LIFE CANT GET ANY WORSE

But holy fuck

I’m going to get my fucking money back before I blow my fucking brains out

Fuck this mother fucker

Fuck these stupid puzzles

Fuck Reddit

Fuck everyone online

Fuck the puzzle community

Fuck talking to people

I fucking hate myself

I fucking hate being alive

I hope I fucking die soon

I don’t fucking care anymore

FUCK

If you’re reading this fuck you too

Fuck me??

Fuck you!!

FUCK YOU

FUCKING. DIE.

Can’t wait til I charge back this motherfucker and keep his motherfucking puzzle

I’m literally going to spit on garbage and mail that to him

FUCK. YOU.

I WANT TO FUCKING DIE I CANT GET OUT

I CANT GET OUT

FUCKING HELP ME PLEASE

HELP

FUCK

I fucking hate this shit

Don’t fucking read this too late go fuck yourself cya

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david-box · 1 year

Text

Honeymoon States liveblog thing I wrote in my notes app but I post it a week late lol

Kendall having a poor little meow meow moment over here. Who's fucking house is this honestly do they all just fucking move all the time. Shout-out to Roman drinking from the sink same bro. Shiv looking real forlorn. Wait who's Sharon. SHES FUCKING PREGNANT. WHAT. WHATTT. WHAT. she's upset. Aw man.

The dark piano tones right when they're on an elephant always gets me. I'm surprised they didn't change the intro. Ope, Kendall with the big sunglasses again in the paparazzi, here we go again, back in the penthouse he ain't been in for years. Oh shit, Marcia!!! He spoke every morning and afternoon? Goddamn. Fuck. Oh um. Thanks. Marcia. Who was Hugo cussing out, lol. Kenda is surrounded by a lot of people he doesn't really know right now sitting in his home. Love how Roman's IDed by his finger taps. Like how he went from the dark room to the white room going from random ass sorry for your loss shit to his siblings joking around as soon as possible. Roman not processing it lol. Freight train a coming. Pre grieved. Lol. Coronation demolition derby right as Tom walks in. Love how Greg is just tall. And Shiv looks away on purpose right as Greg looks in. Glad to see Tom stepping into the finances gang - they don seem to mind his presence. He's not focused on it though till he brings up CEO and Franks method of getting them off to another room is fantastic. I get the sense they're more in charge than the kids are. One hour! Wild Oh, look, shit show reference. Glad they're not fired. Oh man Cousin Greg just. Walks in. Bruh. Dude you're not the family. Bruh. Dude. Bro. Greg. Bro. Get a new mommy love you Roman lol. Bro pick the phone up.

Interim thing. What's his face doesn't seem honest to me tbh. They're trying to take over. Tom: screw ups and dipshits *discussing his wife and in laws* lol. They're not gonna like that choice Charles or whatever your name is. They're have power too. Like Katrina vying for Gerri which Roman could swing for. Oh so CFO and Frank are in cahoots then lol. Poor Tom. I don't think Karl wants to leave by parachute anymore. love how Gerris like you were relevant in the 90s :-). Katarina walks off and Toms like yo. Don't fire me.please. Gerri calls him out loll. Good for him to brush it off. I think eating helps. Toms face shshhshssha.that is strong words Karl.bro. Damn dude could a made yourself useful. Mattson is ignoring him because Roman didn't answer. Shiv openly nervous lolll. Reconfigure in a week bro nah man. No lost of momentum. We're gonna do this rn lol. Why is Mattson pushing? Love her facial expressions lol. This is the annual retreat :-) come to us rn lol :-) *swedish accent*

Greg is tall. Marcia is like who the duck is Greg. Marcia's like look how far you've come :-) and Willas like we're both escorts bitch :-). Their honeymoon is a presidential tour. Coolio. She is so mad. ????????? Why would Marcia sell it. How does she own the penthouse. 60 and 70 million WHATTT the fuckkk WHY DOES SHE OWN THE HOUSE. what the fuck was that. She sold immediately. Idk if he wanted to buy at 63 lol. Role as executer.... What's the paper.... Tell us. Bro. Go away bruh. Get lost. Lol. Karl.Im kidding ;-) lol. In a humorous way. Those little princes.... Lol. Gerri wants you out? We might as well show her lol. It's his will ohhhhh nooo. Okay. He penciled something in last minute. Not Germain as long as as they don't know. Gerri is so funny lolll.

Con you gonna tell em they don't have the house anymore. At least Willa gets back to the city if she even likes it. Love how he's not even full front page. Dad sounds great would have loved to meet him. I think Connor really doesn't have a clue well no he's lying lol. That's mature Ken. The reviews are in, 5 stars. Noon. Hugo doing his own thing bruh y'all are so rich. Hugo asking for help :-( insider trading Hugo bro. Bro. Bro. Bro. Bro. I can't recollect bruh bro. Hugo. Hugo. I don't think Kendall can fix that. A "complicated man." Roman sitting in his old chair. He won't fuck a child because he won't even hug his grandkids aaaaahhahha okay poor Shiv tho lol. Shiv giving Tom the death glare lol. Bruh what water buddy. You can't say the slate is clean that's their job. Girl?? Lol still curious to see what the will says. Here to serve. Good luck. Yep that's that buddy. Nice doors. They're telling them?? Kendall? It's old damn. 4 yrs ago. Shivs head shake is wild. Look dude it does look like either. Interim position so why vye for it bro. Shiv is correct it's not decipherable but Kendall keys her in asap lol. So he did plan his funeral. Shiv dealing with the fact it was never going to be her. Roman's handling this best. That would be the dream financially speaking bruh lol. Oh they called Greg in? Disbursements. Nice. Penciled addendum with a question. Hwhahaahahah what??? Noooo Greg buddy. You have to work. Poor Karl. You don't have a good rapport bud. Poor Gerri is like this literally has no legal meaning please don't do thissss. Kendall. Buddy. Take the money and run. Is it real. There's that again. He *sometimes* wanted it. Karl really has affection for Kendall. He really does think this. Still Buddhist Kendall? Jackass. No Karl's not gonna follow buddy.

Poor Shiv. Shiv wearing a waist cincher while pregnant. Sad. Tom what the fuck does "you'll regret it" even mean you did pick the wrong horse. Asshole. Shiv is not happy. Shiv thinks she killed him? He was old. He misses the idea of him :-(. Tom missed her implication there. This is sweet. He loves her. He really does. She's trying not to cry. Colon has jeans on??. Lol. Dog without it's person. Not wrong. Secret service sweep?? Bro? Who the fuck is Mencken. Spooky embryo is funny. I think I have a counter veto lol my dad just died too. Who the fuck is doing this bruh. Giant of the conservative moment WAIT IPHONE FROM THE CLOGGED TOILET????? TOM???? bruh???? No compression socks for Kerry's sake??? This is evill!! Aaahhhh ahaha. Into the shape of a dick -> come on - bro Tom buddy lol. Paleolibertarian?? Dude. Connor dude. Shelby is here. Wild. He's literally smiling. Greg kissing up to Marcia for literally no reason bruh. She's crying right away. Damn. Fuck me that's a lotta drugs Christ alive. Arrangements for what. Greg shut the fuck up seriously. Oh his name Sandy. We should talk (walks off) lol.

These scenes flow well. That was sneaky Tom. Lip balm Tom Wam. He's smiling bc it still works. Heyyyyy stewey! Bro. Pulmonary embolism. That's a quick one. Stewey is funny. I hope he doesn't ask to push the sale. Stewey is gonna pull for Kendall ehhhh maybe. I don't think he thinks Kendall should do this. Pubes got singed lol. Kendall is trying to say he got blackmailed without saying it. Hey, haunted house reference. Drinking in the dark sounds pretty good. What's in it for me -> my dad is dead so please 🥺:-( . Willa wants it bigger. Everyone else is trying to avoid the meeting lol poor ken. Kendall. Dude. Who gives a shit? Why push Connor out?? Even Roman doesn't want to.

You have an issue with me that's fine (it's not). Shiv wants to grieve. Ger bear. Not Gerri, just not you. They want it together but it can't happen. Kendall is saying no lol. Hes lyinnnnggggg. This is like a pick 2 triangle. The fucking paper dude bro. Kendall went from yes shiv to no shuv as soon as Roman came in bruh. Roman pushes Shiv out. Ouch. It is but it isn't. It's holding but it isn't. I don't think Roman wants to fuck Shiv here vut Kendall might. Boss bitch eyyy. They tried to bluff Roman but Shiv gets that they don't actually understand or know that voicemail, asking if he's a cunt is pretty good for em lol. They're vying for this like it's permanent but it can't be. God you people are all fucking stupid. Ken and Rome. Ken and Rome. Who is shouting long live the king and the other king. Oh they meet on the steps again. Ouch that has GOT to sting ow.

That's a nice desk. Sudoku. Kendall didn't know bro you're such a shit liar. His jackets still there? Wild. Bring shiv in you assholes. Is Roman looking at his Viagra. The markets.... Dum dum dum dum dum.... Drums dadaddadada.... Operation embalm Lenin. Toughest version is correct. The paper is not strong dude. His kids were pulling the strings. I have quesineess (but is silent) they should absolutely shit on dad tho. Kendall buddy I don't think that's an underline. It wouldn't be. They redid the bathroom. I think Shiv knows he's fucked. Dhshhshs Jesus Christ Kendall what the fuck is wrong with you. What does soft no prints mean bro. Kendall pulling Hugo along with that leverage damn. Ouch. What control does he even have here over insider trading? Nice ending song tho.

#succession spoilers #succession season 4 #succession s04x04 #succession honeymoon states

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