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cutecherrygirl · 3 months

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Enhypen imagine

First time 🎀

Warnings: smut

Jake

-I imagine first time with Jake being very romantic

- Like he would for sure buy scented candles with your favourite scents and place them around the room.

- he would compliment you the whole time to make you feel comfortable.

-he would caress every part of your body softly and make sure to kiss every inch if your body after taking your clothes off.

-It would feel like you're in heaven and you loved it.

- He would just make you lay one the bed anf he would take control and do everything.

- when he pushes in, he would whisper sweet nothings into your ear to make you relax and with each thrust would give you a small kiss in your neck or face.

- I dont think he would like eat you out on the first time since you have lots of time to do that, he just wanted to take it slow yk

-after you're done, he lays next to you and pulls you close for cuddles. He draws small circles on your back as he kisses your shoulder, neck and jaw while you relax in his arms.

Heesung

- I usually think its awkward when you talk about wanting to have sex with your partner, cuz I always think it should happen naturally yk but with Heesung, I think he would want consent first and would be nervous.

-he is usually Pretty chill and stuff but this is something he things about all the time and is maybe even a bit insecure if he would do a good job.

- you talked about having sex on many occasions but you just didn't do it yet.

- you both wanted to be ready for this step.

- Heesung thinks that having sex is what can complete your relationship, intimate activities is what lead the couple to be more tied up together. Showing yourself to your partner like that is a really big step that he wants to take.

- this was the night that you will finally do it and he was nervous. Tons of thoughts were running through his mind like "what if im too small?", "What if she doesn't like my body?","Is it too soon?". He waited for you to come to his place for dinner.

- you came and you ate the dinner then sat on his bed to watch Netflix.

- you layed your head on his shoulder as you guys watched The vampire diaries. He would kiss your head occasionally and you would kiss his shoulder too because why not.

-after like an hour, you decided to speak up "baby.." you said softly while playing with the end of his shirt "wanna do it tonight?" You both blushed "sure" he said with a smile before leaning his head down and kissing your lips.

-he got on top of you and the kiss started to get more heated because thats how it usually goes.

-He slowly take off your clothes and his clothes too, You rest the back if your laps on top of his laps while he prepared the condom.

-it was a sweet little moment but weird at the same time. You were a bit nervous too but not as much as Heesung since he wanted it to be perfect.

-when he pushed in, all the nervousness went away and was replaced with pleasure.

-it was very nice and you both enjoyed it alot.

-after you're done, you both went to take a shower together and played with soap

Sunghoon

-we all know he is an romantic rat and he would go over the top 🙄

- when you come back home from work, he is in the bathroom preparing you a bath. You thought he was taking a shower so u just went to the kitchen to get a snack lol

-he filled the bathtub with water, put scented oils inside abd rose petals, he dimed the lights down a bit and lit up few candles.

-he then came downstairs and smiled at you "hey Baby" he said and hugged you from behind. You smiled back and kissed his cheek "hey, oh my god im literally so tired" you whined and he laughed then took your hand in his

-"i prepared something for you" he whispered in your ear and slowly led you upstairs and to the bathroom. When you saw what he prepared, you were shocked and suprised in a good way "Sunghoon.." you whisper and he kissed your cheek.

-he would start taking your clothes off slowly and sensualy while looking into your eyes.

-after you were completely naked, he would run his hands up and down your body very slowly. "You are so beautiful" he whispered while his eyes are locked on yours. You blushed and smiled softly, before you could say anything back, he leaned down and pressed his lips against yours into a short but loving kiss 😘

-you lay in the bathtub, your body wasn't visible because Sunghoon put bubbles in the water 😜

- "do you mind if I join?" He asks in deep voice and you smiled "sure" you nodded and sat up to make space for him.

-after he sat in, you both just relaxed together and smiled at each other still a bit shy.

-He then place his hands on your waist and slowly pull you to sit on his lap so you can be closer to him. You didn't mind at all since he is your boyfriend and you love him 😍.

-as you sit on his lap, you both would just giggle together and do silly stuff with bubble foam. But then you decided to kiss and the kiss was heated because the bath water was hot.

-you wrapped your arms around his neck and he wrapped his around your waist as you kiss.

-you felt him getting hard under you which made you moan into the kiss and it turned him on even more

- you started to move your hips against his, and he slide his hands on your hips. You break the kiss to cath your breath and he starts to kiss your neck while you grip his hair gently.

- "can you like...go in?" You whisper "yeah" he whispered back and did what you asked him to.

-after you finish, you both just relaxed in the bath and talked shit about others.

Jay

-he doesn't want to admit how long he's been waiting for this to happen because he is embarrassed and shy 🙄

- he had imagined how your body looks like under all the clothes you wear.

-it would be lie if he said he never got turned on by his thoughts of you 🤔

- you both layed on your bed and talked for awhile. Your legs are over his laps and he is massaging your thighs with his hands while you to talk

- "and then she said I was too loud, like excuse me bitch?" You said and Jay laughed which made you laugh too.

- he switched positions so he is now laying on top of you and placing kisses all over your face

-you wrap your legs around his waist just like you do when you cuddle. "Is your mom home?" Jay asked quietly and you think for a second before answering "no, why?" He smiles and pecks your lips "wanna do it?" He asks and you blush but nod.

-you both were super excited to do it, jay got up for a second to lock the door and close the curtains because at this time, neighbours usually hang their clothes out the windows 😬

-then he jumped back on the bed and you started kissing and making out. He took off your shirt and pressed his body against yours. You spread your legs so he can fit between them as you both kiss.

-he first grinded against you a bit Which made you both moan into the kiss and he suddenly got a bit of confidence when he heard you moan and he started grinding more.

-soon, both of your clothes were off. He pushed himself in and you lean your head back in pleasure. He was kissing your neck while thrusting.

-he made sure you had the best time ever

-after you finished, he layed on top of you to calm himself down and you run your fingers through his hair and kiss his head.

Jungwon

- this boy is a rollercoaster, he would be giving you signals that he wants to do it but when you guys are on your way to do it, he would get shy and just not want it anymore.

-you decided to let him be because its a very intimate thing to do and you dont wanna pressure him.

-you would catch him biting his lip while looking at you, and checking you out alot but you didn't think much of it since all boys are the same (they're not)

-one day, you decide to have movie night at his place because why not.

-you dressed up pretty casual but not warm enough since it was pretty cold.

-you sat on his bed shivering a bit from thr coldness, you only had Shirt on and it was with no sleeves "Babe, are you serious? Why didn't you wear something warm?" He aske you worried, you pout and look at him "because i didn't know it would be so cold"

-he git up and toss you one of his hoodies. You wore it and instantly felt warm. You can't help but burry your face in the hoodie to take in Jungwon's scent "i think I might keep this" you whisper and he chuckled "No way."

-something about you wearing his hoodie was extremely hot to him and it turned him on. He couldn't take his eyes off of you and focus on the movie. He even forgot what movie you two were watching 😭

- you caught him looking at you and smiled "why are you looking at me like that?" You asked in soft tone and he blushed "you're just hot" he said and now you were the one blushing.

-you stayed silent for a moment before saying "Jungwon! Oh my god you made me blush again!"you said and he laughed then threw himself on top of you and started hugging you.

-you hug him back and start placing small kisses all over his face "I wanna fuck you in that hoodie right now" he said, but you can tell it just slipped out without thinking. You stop and looked at him "Jungwon..." You started "im sorry...my mind spoke before me" he said embarrassed and continued "Im just so attracted to you..its making me crazy" he whispered and you blushed"then do it..." You said and be looks at you confused.

- "do what?" He asked "do what you said earlier" you bite your lip and he quickly kissed your lips.

-as he kiss you, he would caressing your sides and grip them gently. He would pull down your bottoms leaving you only in your hoodie.

-after you did it. He layed on top of you and burry his face in your neck to cuddle you.

Sunoo

-he came to your place after school and stayed there the whole day

-when the night came you guys were in your bed talking and cuddling.

-it was around 6 p.m. but it was already dark outside so it felt like it was midnight or something.

-you layed your leg over his hips and he had his hand around your shoulders and the other one was resting behind his head.

- you stayed like that for awhile before you got bored and lift yourself up so you are sitting on his hips. You smiled down at him and stretched your arms out.

-he smiled and place his hands on your hips. You slide yourself down so your and his are touching and you pecked his lips. He pecked yours back and gripped your hips a bit and press them more down into him.

-you smiled and kissed his lips, he guided your hips to grind more against him and then slide his hands down to yours ass to squeeze it playfully 😭

-he rolled on the other side of the bed so he is now on top of you and he kept kissing you a bit more hungry now

-you placed your hand on the back of his neck to keep him close while you slide the other one down to unzip his pants.

-you both had nice time and enjoyed every second of it.

🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

-after that you just went back to cuddling and sleeping.

I deleted Ni-ki one cuz people were threatening me 😑

#enhypen #enhypen smut #smut #sunoo smut #ni ki smut #jungwon smut #jay smut #jake smut #sunghoon smut #heesung smut

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redflagshipwriter · 2 months

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check yes to go on a date w a dead guy ch 4 progress

next chapter here

(masterpost with this story here)

It took a minute for Jason to recover from that realization. He kept the anger he felt off his face. Danny didn’t seem upset about dying young, but that didn’t mean much. It wasn’t an appropriate topic to prod about on a first meeting. He’d get there eventually.

Jason stilled. Ah, shit, he still didn’t have a plan. Just eating together was too short and too boring. He needed to have something better than that.

Fuck, what were they going to do next?

Jason strained for ideas. What was a good date? Normally, he'd know more about a person before they hung out romantically.

Well. Actually, normally he hung out platonically with someone a lot before he started to feel interest in them. This was all kinds of backwards: but he didn't want it to end yet.

“So, uh, what do you like to do?” Jason asked. Masterful. So smooth.

Danny scrunched up his nose. “Lately my afterlife sucks,” he groused. “I am drowning in paperwork and busy stuff.” He slumped over. “I miss being in high school,” Danny sighed. He drew his knees in and rested his elbows on them, then squished his cheeks with his palms. “I guess I used to just hang out, you know?” He shrugged. “Played a lot of video games. I miss that.”

“Of course,” Jason said, despite never having hung out and played video games in high school. He'd been an overscheduled nerd in junior high school and then been too dead for high school. “That sounds fun. Wanna go back to mine and play something later?”

Danny lit up, blue eyes sparkling in the fading light. “Yes! That would be great.” He straightened his legs and kicked his heels against the side of the building. “Wait, can we do the whole grungy high school hangout thing with pop and chips and dip and pizza and stuff?”

He almost said “we literally just ate”, but what the hell. “We'll hit the store next,” Jason said. He couldn't say no to that face. Look at ‘em. He was so excited.

'Ugh, god. Danny died in high school,’’ Jason realized. He'd already known Danny died young but it still stuck in his stomach like a rock. 'No wonder he misses what he did then. He's interacting with the physical world now but if he died, he probably went to like, dead land immediately.’

But, uh. Video games. He could do that. He kept up a conversation as his mind churned, asking Danny what kind of games he liked.

The thing was, Jason didn't really play video games. He had a console at his place and if he was hanging out with Roy or Dick there, they'd bring a game over. He owned like, two games.

He considered popping by the store and just buying something. But that would be weird and intense. He'd probably freak Danny out if he went and dropped money on a game just to play with him.

Ok. Well. He'd get someone to drop off games before he and Danny could get back to the apartment. Jason sneakily got out his phone and strategized.

Steph? No. Terrible. He couldn't let that girl know he had a date until the poor bastard really liked him for sure. She'd either chase Danny off or somehow orchestrate the two of them getting engaged.

Tim? God, no. He'd definitely own a lot of games but they'd all be for the PC, and he'd hang around and smirk about Jason meeting up with Danny.

Dick? Too far away, and way too smug. He'd take it as an opportunity to tease.

Oh, wait. He had it. Jason opened up a message to Duke and sent out a quick “I want to bribe you. Homemade pizza? Artichoke dip? Fried oysters???”

“Did you take a life?????” Duke shot back. Then, “pizza! What do you need?”

“Get to my place with a bunch of video games that'll work on my tv in less than an hour and I'll make whatever you want.”

The three dots indicating typing popped up. They stayed there for a weirdly long time. Then, Duke said, “Can I stay and hang out? 🥺”

Adorable little bastard. Jason typed out NO and then hesitated, feeling kinda bad.

“Who's that?” Danny prompted.

Ah, shit, he was being rude. Jason flushed. “Asking a little brother to bring over a game,” he admitted. “He wants to stay.”

Danny laughed. “That's adorable,” he announced. “It's fine by me. Lots of games are better with more people, anyway.”

Well. If that was the case, Jason was fine with it. He sent Duke an OK and then put his phone away before the inevitable “I AM THE FAVORITE SIBLING” fireworks started.

#dead on main #dp x dc #dc x dp #dc fanfic #red check yes

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beatrixstonehill2 · 8 days

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"I don't know why I was so worried when my doctor put me on fertility drugs. I feel so stupid! I hear these drugs make you dumber, but I think that's an urban legend, just another ridiculous thing the old me worried about! I was a stuck-up attorney who never dated, who woke up at 4 every morning, went jogging, and ate grapefruit for breakfast with black coffee. I was mean, and rolled my eyes whenever men flirted with me. I was literally the worst! But ever since my doctor gave me these new prescriptions, my life has gotten a bajillion times better.

First of all, my appetite and libido came back. I told him I barely ate, didn't even masturbate, I was too focused on work. He seemed to know exactly what my body needed..... I was obviously skeptical about taking this stuff but look at me now! This is my second pregnancy, last one was quadruplets, I think this might be at least sextuplets? Holy fuck, I'm gonna get SO big, isn't that hot as hell? I won't fit into anything! I hope my boss is OK with my huge baby-filled belly sticking out. I'll look so ripe and ready to fuck all the time! After all, what better signal can a woman give to men that she's free to fuck, but a belly full of kids?

Oh yeah, did I mention? I'm not an attorney anymore. My libido got way too distracting to worry about all that dumb work I was so concerned about for, like, no reason! So I'm a secretary now for this lawyer I used to butt heads with all the time. He used to love harassing me and flirting aggressively with me, even smacking my ass. I used to get so angry with him; now, when he spanks me or grabs my breasts I just giggle and get turned on. I love working for him, and when I do extra well he rewards me by letting me suck his cock, or if he's in the mood he'll fuck me when he's in a meeting in front of all my old colleagues. The looks on their faces watching me full of kids, with a massive pair of udders, getting railed by HIM is just priceless!

On the subject of my breasts, I hope everyone here on my OnlyFans likes them. I've gone up six cup sizes since starting these pills! Isn't that crazy? I bet they're small compared to how gigantic they'll get a few pregnancies from now. I'm soooo excited to see how big they're gonna get, or if they're even gonna stop growing. Men absolutely drool over them, and when they see these huge boobs paired with a belly brimming with more kids than I can count, they know it's a free invitation to fuck me. Whether we're on the subway, the bus, or I'm at the bank, depositing my boss's checks..... Guys will take me by the hips and pump me so full of cum it'll be drooling down my legs all day--as all women should be, far as I'm concerned. Full to the point of bursting with cum. I used to be so grossed out when I saw college girls in sundresses, super pregnant, their big breasts falling out, cum hanging from their asses and pussies, drooling down their legs, just gushing with it, cum of their faces or tits as they happily talk on their phones or with their equally pregnant friends. Now I see they were the lucky ones.... And I definitely wasted my time in college not being like them, but it's never too late to be a good girl and show men I know what my true purpose really is. ❤️"

#pregnant kink #breeding k1nk #preggophilia #be #breast expansion #dumbification #free use kink

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exhaslo · 6 months

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Kinktober Day 29- Zoro x Reader (Facesitting/overstimulation)

*Requested by reader ;) *

If there was one thing that was hard to keep on the Sunny Go, it was a secret. With how small the crew was, it was bound that someone will find out whatever secret was being hidden. Which was why you and Zoro had to work harder than anyone else to make sure no one knew that the two of your were dating. It might literally be the end of both your worlds if the others find out. There would be no privacy in your lives at all.

Luffy would be asking too many questions. Sanji would refuse to allow the two of you near each other at all. Nami and Robin would want to get all the details out of you about Zoro. Chopper would be giving you more check ups since you and Zoro were sexually active. Oh, that would be the worst if the others find out about that part. Zoro loved his sex. He liked to say it was a special form of training that only the two of you could do. Hell, you loved it too.

Zoro had talent when it came to his tongue. Honestly, you were surprised the first time he ate you out. You were such a wreck after he fucked you that night that Chopper was very worried for your health. You couldn't move from the bed for two days. Zoro loved to test your limits with him. He would make sure you were so fucked out before he drilled his massive cock into your poor, overstimulated cunt. You never complained, you just wanted to make sure that you weren't too loud. Sometimes, Zoro had to stuff your mouth with his bandana to make sure no one heard your loud moans.

"We're getting closer to the island!" Usopp yelled out. Nami started to count their funds,

"Who's going to watch the ship while we get supplies?"

"I will," You said with a chirp. Zoro yawned as he woke up from his nap,

"Me too," He muttered before falling back asleep. You chuckled and kept poking his cheek, "I'm trying to go back to sleep,"

"But you need to stay up to protect me~"

"Oi! Moss-Head! The lady is right!" Sanji spat, making his way over to Zoro.

A smile curled against your lips as you watched Zoro and Sanji argue with each other. You guys had to play it cool. Every time you all landed on an island was free fucking time. Either the two of you stayed on the ship or went to the island to a motel. It was the only time where Zoro could go all out and hear your moans.

Once everyone was off the ship, both you and Zoro did a through check. It was clear! The two of you hurried to the lookout post, since Zoro mainly stayed up there and got ready. You got the mat set up and watched as Zoro moved his weights aside. You couldn't help but giggle at his complaints. Approaching him from behind, you kissed his back,

"Awe, sorry for waking you up~"

"You owe me," Zoro huffed, turning towards you, "And I have just the idea."

You whined as Zoro spent no time waiting. His hands already rested on your breasts while he hungerly kissed you. His tongue forcing its way into your mouth as he grinded his harden erection against your cunt. Your body was already starting to warm up with his tough touches. This was the only time Zoro can go wild. He always kept testing the limits when they were sailing.

Your body trembled under Zoro's touch as he pinned you against the mast, rutting his hips into yours. You could feel your panties growing damper as his hands worked feverishly. Zoro trailed his tongue down from your lips to your neck, wanting to taste every part of you. You were already moaning from the friction of your clothing. You just wanted him to hurry and fuck you.

You gasped lowly as Zoro started to rub your slit. He had your nipple in his mouth while his hands started to touch your sensitive bud. You whimpered and moan to his touch, his fingers rubbing circles around your clit. You loved how hot he made you, how wet you got. Tangling your fingers in his hair, you moved your hips slightly, wanting more. Zoro chuckled in response as he bit you nipple, sliding your pants down. He licked down your side, grabbing your panties with his teeth and pulling them down.

"Z-Zoro!" You whined as he held you panties with his teeth.

Zoro just smirked as he guided you towards him. He took his clothes off and sat on the mat, pulling you down. His eyes focused on your dripping sex, watching it start to twitch in anticipation. Zoro licked his lips in response and laid down, pulling your pussy to his face. Your cheeks burned read as Zoro sat you on his face, holding your hips down. You tried to complain and argue, but moaned loudly instead as his tongue started to swirl around your cunt.

"Zoro~!" You cried out, shaking in pleasure.

"You owe me, remember."

You whimpered at the vibration of him talking against your pussy. Zoro's grip against you waist was tight, making sure that you did not move. Your breathe shuddered slightly as you focused on his tongue. Zoro was fucking talented alright. Holding that third sword in his mouth sure meant something. His tongue was dancing around your folds, exploring every inch of your pussy. Like a starved man, Zoro ate you out. You moaned loudly as his tongue entered your hole, causing you to cum hard.

Zoro grunted in response, lapping up the mess you made on him. You squirmed slightly, but Zoro refused to have you move. His tongue kept ravishing your poor cunt, making sure that nothing was left untouched. You moans grew more erratic as Zoro rubbed your clit. He was about to make you cum again. Your vision started to blur as you trembled against his face. Zoro's tongue entered your dripping hole, exploring your insides. You whined as you felt your high returning.

"Z-Zoro~ P-Please!" You begged.

Zoro moved you ever so slightly, his mouth now sucking against you clit. He focused on your fucked out face, enjoying the way he was making you break for him. You body was made for him to eat, fuck and destroy. Every orgasm you had was for him. Every moan was only for him. Zoro groaned as his erection was starting to grow painful. He watched as you cried from another orgasm. Your heavy breathing was a good sign.

"Alright, now for the main course," He said, licking his lips.

You laid on your face, panting heavily from your second orgasm. You whimpered as Zoro spread your legs, your cunt clenching to nothing but air. You could barely focus on him. You arched your back, moaning loudly as Zoro started to slide his cock into you. Your eyes rolled back as he started to rut into you. His thrusts hard and deep. His grip was tight as he slammed himself into you, wanting to hear you cry his name. You did, but that was all you could really do. You body was shaking from the overstimulation.

"Z-Zo...s'much....ah...Zoro~" You babbled, bouncing to every thrust. Zoro kissed your neck, inhaling at each moan,

"What's too much? I haven't even cummed yet," He chuckled, teasing you. You whined, reaching another orgasm,

"S'good, hah....Zo...ro...m-more~" You begged.

"That's right, can't ever get enough."

Zoro raised your hips slightly, enjoying the moment. Your cunt kept squeezing his cock, desperate for his cum. You were a moaning mess, unable to come up with a single sentence. All you could do was say his name and make those sexy noises. Zoro grunted as he started to reach his high. He rubbed your clit, wanting to have you cum again for him. He loved it when he got to see you all fucked out. You were always so beautiful after he ravished you.

Zoro groaned as you tighten around his cock. He fasten his pace, ripping more of your sweet, delicious moans. He exhaled heavily before releasing his load inside your womb. Doing a few slow thrusts, Zoro made sure to empty everything into you. He took a moment to catch his breathe, before reaching for one of the waters he kept aside.

"C'mon," He lifted you up, planting you on his lap, "Drink up,"

You muffled lowly, drinking the water with Zoro's help. He kissed you once more before taking his share of the water. You nuzzled your head into his chest, complaining quietly about him being too rough. Zoro just chuckled in response as his hands stroked your body once more. He hummed lowly,

"Just one more," He whispered, kissing your ear.

"Mhpm, fine," You gave in.

Zoro had you on your knees, rubbing your ass as he viewed your pussy. It was still dripping with both your juices and his cum. Zoro smirked as he smacked your ass, entering your abused hole once more. You whined in response, shaking under his touch as his cock filled you once more. He was so deep inside. His cock was pushing back his hot cum inside you. You gripped onto the mat, moaning as Zoro started his charade of rough thrusts.

No matter how much you complained, you loved how Zoro fucked you. How full he made you and easy you were to bend to his will. You curled your toes, clenching to his dick as Zoro smacked your ass again. How good he made you feel. Your body was already reaching its limit with how many times he made you orgasm. The sheer amount of pleasure you felt was going to keep you in bed for the next few hours for sure.

"The others probably won't be back for another few hours. We have all the time in the world to let loose," Zoro said with a smirk as he slapped himself into you deeper, "I wonder how full I can really make you?"

"Z-Zoro!" You cried out, reaching another orgasm. Zoro smacked your ass again, watching you shake,

"That's right, scream my name. I want to make sure the whole island hears you."

You cried out as Zoro cam inside you again. You swore you saw stars this time. His dick twitched inside you as he kept thrusting. Your legs were already giving out. Zoro was the one holding you up as he kept pounding your poor cunt. Your face was rested against the mat, moaning to each thrust.

"Mr. Swordsman, Miss (Y/N), Nami and I are about to return." Robin said as her mouth appeared against the window.

"Fuck! How long have they known?!" Zoro cussed out.

You couldn't even comprehend what was happening. All you knew was that Zoro's thrusts were now more erratic and quick. He pressed your whole body against the mat, rutting himself into you. You felt yourself fade out as you cam hard once more. Zoro on the other hand, groaned lowly as he gave you one last load. He slowly pulled out, panting heavily as he got himself dressed. Grabbing your clothes, Zoro fixed you up, having you sleep against him.

"Great, (Y/N) is going to blame me for them knowing."

#kinktober #zoro smut #zoro x reader #one piece zoro #zoro #roronoa zoro #roronoa zoro smut #zoro roronoa x y/n #zoro roronoa x you #zoro roronoa x reader #ronoroa zoro

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stqrgirlie0 · 19 days

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⋆✮theodore nott-pt 4✮⋆

part 1 / part 2 / part 3

you were running out of concealer, and it was showing. the purplish blue bruise less inconspicuous than the day before. theo had no chill when it came to hickeys- even though you guys weren’t official yet, he saw no problem in marking you his. one could say it just happens in the moment, and honestly why would anyone blame him- especially when he had you pressed up against the wall, head tilted back, mouth parted open, eyes closed and your neck and collarbone exposed. he just can't help himself.

it was becoming a daily routine, everyday right after last period you'd walk past the same empty classroom and everyday you'd hear someone whisper your name from behind the door. not very long after you'd be unbuttoning theo's shirt while he picked you up and sat you onto a desk. your fingers would tangle between theo's fluffy curls while his lips littered kisses and hickeys. soft pants from the both of you filled the air, and your were more than glad that theo did his little magic and muffled the room's noise to the outside. the sound of theo ripping your tights made you gasp out loud as you gave theo a light smack on his shoulder, while he muttered a 'i'll buy you new ones.’ soft kisses planted into your inner thighs and as soon as he was on his knees, he got down to business- ate you out like he didn't have breakfast in the morning. euphoric- that's how you felt every single time this man was on his knees, stars were starting to form in your vision. squeezing your eyes shut, fingers gripping his hair and the edge of the desk, you reached your climax and theo was all over you again, fervent kisses with teeth clashing and soft giggles in between.

obviously you guys hadn't been caught yet, but even if you did, i doubt that it would stop the two of you. this whole thing between you and theo hadn't been out in the open yet, so every moment between you two in front of the group was seen as an interaction between two "friends". it wasn't the best thing however it wasn't the worst. the thrill of getting caught and no one knowing egged on both of your antics, but not being able to grab theo and kiss him in front of the girls that cannot keep their eyes off of him, took a lot off self control. then again having this little secret meant that no one could have a problem with it- what they didn't know couldn't hurt them right?

unsettling thoughts would cross your mind so frequently, that you found yourself asking the question 'what are we?’. not dating but talking, talking but not progressing- what the hell was going on. you wanted it to work out you really did, so why didn't he just ask you out? and just like that your wish was granted- be careful what you wish for tho.. it was romantic you'll admit it- the candle, the flowers, the chocolates, the black lake glistening in the moonlight and the warm breezy air blowing your hair. it was literally a scene out of a romcom and you felt like you would literally MELT for the man right then and there. everything was perfect- so why was there still this iffy feeling? i'll tell you why- despite all of this lovey dovey, will-you-be-my-girlfriend stuff, our man Mr Theodore Nott asked to STILL keep it a secret. now why on gods green earth would he ask that? obviously you wouldn’t let this ruin you mood, you were on cloud nine girl!! but that bridge was fast approaching, and you were gon have to cross it at some point.

months pass by, and you've both still kept it a secret, but boy has it taken a toll on your side. keeping secrets, lying, it's never been your thing and you hate doing it to the people you love and care about. was it all worth it, was it worth the lack of energy and excitement? your secret link ups with theo got more frequent over time obviously- and maybe it was just because your friends just didn't hang out with you because you'd always run off, to him, for him. your lack of energy doesn't go unnoticed, and obviously it's brought up. just not in the nicest way. you're accused of not putting any effort into the relationship, and this sets you off-you see literal red.

‘i don’t know what you’re talking about theo.’ you sigh, standing up.

‘i’m talking about the 0 effort you put into our relationship,’ he says pacing across his dorm room and rubbing his temple. ‘every time we get time alone it’s like as if you can’t wait to fucking go back to your friends or some shit, what the fuck is going on.’

‘what’s going on? what’s going on?’ you seethe, walking right up to him. ‘i’ll tell you what’s going on. it’s that i can’t take this fucking secret thing further. there i said it, i CANT do it.‘ you wave your hands up in surrender.

‘so what, that’s it?’

‘i don’t know, do you want it like that? theo we can’t even talk until we’re behind closed doors, it’s like we’re trapped. you say i put no energy and effort into this, but maybe it’s because i use it all up lying and making excuses for us. it’s not working out..’

the argument only ended with tears and slammed doors. nights that you used to smoke with theo on, turned into nights you sat by yourself, leaning your head against the window, accompanied by only your thoughts. every day going to lessons and acting normal was truly a test, especially when theo would still catch you with his longing eyes across the room. it was so hard but you couldn’t give up, you owed yourself at least that much. your heart yearned for the boy, for the way he would brush your hair out of your face, for the way he would look at you- like you were the prettiest girl in the world, for the way he’d play with your hands every time you slept. it was getting harder and harder by the day, and theo wasn’t finding it any easier. he also longed for how your fingers would play with his hair, for how your nails would scratch down his back. so it wasn’t long before the both of you snapped, and there you guys were making out in the corner of the empty corridor. your top two buttons undone and theo’s hands firmly planted at the sides of your waist, lifting your shirt up a bit as his fingers pressed into your skin. you felt his lips slowly travelling to the middle of your neck, your head leaning back against the wall to allow him as much skin as you could. his lips trailed back up again, finding your jawline as he pressed kisses along. the scene caused the majority of the students walking by, to avert their eyes and fasten their pace down the corridor.

i think it’s pretty much official now.

#i think pt 4’s come to a natural ending.. right.. #id like to confirm that there will not be a pt 5 xoxo #because i genuinely would not know what to write, but hopefully you guys enjoyed the (very unplanned) series♡ #lots of love xoxo

taglist: @iamgayforyourmom1510 @lovelyygirl8

#slytherin #slytherin boys #theodore nott #theo nott smut #theodore nott imagine #theodore nott smut #theodore x reader #theodore nott x reader #theo nott imagine #theodore nott x you #theodore nott x y/n #theo nott #theo nott x y/n #theo nott x you #theo nott x reader #theodore nott x slytherin!reader

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babiebom · 4 months

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How Many kids I think the Bachelor/ettes would (want to) have

A/N: because I like thinking about things~ also because I started thinking about it because I want a lot of kids and I wondered who I would actually work well with. Late Merry Christmas btw!!! And happy holidays!!

Tw:sex, maybe cursing idk I always put cursing, childbirth/children, mentions of issues with childbirth, mentions of postpartum depression, mentions of adoptions and other stuff surrounding it.

Wc: at least 5 bullet points for each

Sdv Masterlist

Sebastian

I think he would want either one kid only or as many as his partner wants

Because I can see him being a good dad to his kids

But like I also think that people like him only have one kid because they didn’t get along with their own siblings

So the trauma is like I don’t want to have to choose between my kids when they don’t get along and I don’t want any problems so having one is good

But I also thinks he would want to see how close siblings could be to live somewhat through them

So it’s literally a toss up

On the topic of adoption though he’d probably adopt an older kid if you’re okay with it

Like a teen that doesn’t have a family and is about to age out

I think he’s that type of person and you could adopt a baby or a younger kid later on.

I also think Robin would be present but not like constantly there. Like it’s grandmas for Christmas and other holidays and sometimes she visits but that’s it.

I do think that he would probably end up with a lot of kids bc he can’t keep it in his pants now that he has a significant other.

Sam

He’s going to have at least 3

I see him having 2 boys and a girl if I’m being honest and it would be really cute

All of them are learning to skateboard and something about music

I think he would be a very chaotic dad

Like you have a heart attack every couple of minutes being married to him

Like “yeah! Junior lost a tooth” “how’d he lose a tooth?” “He absolutely ate shit at the skatepark”

I think he would be happy to adopt but probably wouldn’t because of Jodi

I do headcanon Jodi as bit of judgemental

Like she won’t say anything outright but she will be passive aggressive like “I love allllll of my grandkids! Even (adopted child’s name)”

So if you guys do end up adopting for one reason or another you’ll only see Jodi for big holidays unless Sam can get her to change

Vincent is a sweet uncle though and Kent is a decent grandfather. Refuses to tell stories of the war to them though. Jodi is an overbearing but GREAT grandmother when she’s not being petty

Shane

Well he already has Jas so he either will have one more so she has a sibling/cousin

or he will have like 4 more to make the total 5

I do think he would like a big family

But all of the kids are a couple years apart at least because he does want to make sure they all are happy

It takes a while for you two to have kids or adopt because he does still have depression and thinks he would be a shitty father

But he’d be the best out of the bachelors I think maybe number two

Because I feel like out of all of them his love would be greater simply because he does have that self hate and he wants to make sure he’s doing as well as he can

Jas is VERY happy to be a big sister

Harvey

Harvey is a 2 kid guy

Like he would be a 1 kid guy but he’s afraid that the child would be lonely

I also think he would be an only child so he doesn’t want his kid to have the same childhood as him

But the kids would definitely have an age gap

Like at least 8 years because he wants to make sure you(if you’re a person who can give birth) are okay after giving birth.

I also think that if he adopts he would go for siblings specifically

Like two kids that don’t want to be separated by the system or two kids who are biologically related he would go for them

Simply because he wants two kids anyways and keeping people together is what would make him happy

Alex

Either 1 or 4 there’s no in between

I feel like you would have either all boys or all girls with him

Like his genes are very predictable not gonna lie

No matter what gender I think he would make all of them play gridball

Would be hella sad if none of the kids liked the sport bc COME ON

I do think that in his heart he would like to adopt

Especially if it’s to save a kid that’s in a bad family situation

Because in a way his grandparents adopted him after his father left and his mother died

Like those are his parents for lack of actual mom and dad

Very sweet dad but does have sexist tendencies

Like if you have daughters he would be much more strict with them but also would spoil them rotten

And while he’s not as strict with the boys he’s also not as sweet on them.

You have to get him to open up and realize that raising the kids in a specific way can breed resentment towards him. He gets smarter the more kids you have.

Elliott

I think Elliott would want one or two

I don’t know why but I see him as a guy that doesn’t have a lot of kids

Mostly because I feel like he would still like to have time with his partner and having a lot of kids would take away from that unless you can get a sitter or something

But I also feel like he wouldn’t want daycare or a babysitter or nanny

He wants to raise the kids together especially because you both work from home

Also having more than I think 3 for him would make it so he has no time to work on writing

And having only a couple would mean he can evenly give enough attention to the kids.

While for some people having a lot of kids is not a problem with attention and love I think Elliot knows that he’s the type of person that cannot be spread too thin.

Which isn’t a bad thing.

If you’re same sex he is not opposed to adoption

Would like to adopt twins though

Would prefer boy girl twins but obviously won’t throw a fit if it doesn’t work out that way

You’re adopting kids not a dog.

Penny

Easily at least 6

I don’t think she would have the most easy pregnancies

But she will make it look as if she’s the perfect housewife and that bearing children is a breeze for her

She loves kids and wants a big happy family especially because of her upbringing

So if you marry her expect her to want to have kids that are all at least a year apart in age

Doesn’t mind getting pregnant again as soon as you’re cleared for sex

I do think she would prefer to bear children instead of adopt but she’s not opposed to it

I could also see her becoming a foster mother at some point and taking in a bunch of children because she has an empty nest

If you’re the same sex she would probably want ivf

Like obviously this isn’t meant to be offensive and some people have different takes

But she also won’t like be upset that you have to adopt and she would make sure to adopt a BUNCH of children

Is a good mother and tries hard to spread her attention evenly.

You having a farm is great for this type of situation not gonna lie

Leah

To be VERY honest I see Leah as the kind of woman to be a single mom

Not because she gets divorced or her partner dies

It’s literally by choice only her and her kid in their cabin painting.

BUT OBVIOUSLY in this scenario she’s married to you

She would still only have 1 or 2 kids

I don’t think she would really enjoy being pregnant

Like she would like doing the pregnancy art things

But the state of being that she’s in is HORRIBLE she HATES IT

But she loves her kid so much that she’s like okay I can do it one more time.

Maru

Maru is either a one person kid or a 5 person kid tbh

And I do think that science people be lowkey freaky

So I do think she would have a lot of kids

Like somehow she’s always pregnant and everyone is like ?????? Another kid?????

And shes like YEAH I KNOW ISNT THE HUMAN BODY AMAZING????

Y’all’s kids are super smart ngl

Like you’re like???????wtf

Like even if you end up adopting they’re super smart and you’re like ????????? WTF HOW

Though they are still very interested in farming.

Somehow combines the two and creates a super farm

Like you make so much more money after having kids it’s insane.

Haley

Two or three kid woman

No matter how strong your genes are your kids will always have either blonde hair or blue eyes if not both.

Out of all the people having kids your kids with her would have the most normal names

She was a mean girl in high school she’s not setting up her kids for failure from the beginning

Unlike the others who would be on board with homeschooling if that’s what you wanted Haley wants the kids in public or private school.

Shes not much of a teacher and you’re always working on the farm so she wants them to have a good chance of being smart.

I think that y’all would have tons of baby books for the kids because she takes at least 10 pictures a day

Like there is no running out of embarrassing baby pictures your kids better behave lmao

Actually a good mom and ends up being one of those “I’m a cool mom right” women

But she’s actually kinda cool when she’s not making dated references.

Emily

One kid that is just as weird as she is

It doesn’t matter if the kid is adopted or not they behave just like her

But also I think she would go for adopting or fostering the more troubled children because they need love too

And I think she’s the perfect person to understand people on a different level than others.

A very sweet mother that is different than the other bachelor/ettes

Your kid turns out very happy, kind, and connected to the world

They might be a little weird like her

But are well liked by the people who find themselves misunderstood.

She would also be the type of person to run a foster home.

Abigail

I think Abby would like 2 kids.

I think she was very lonely as a kid

Especially with her father only focusing on his work and her mother hanging out with her but not really understanding her likes and hobbies

If she had a sibling there could be a chance that they won’t get along but she feels in her heart that they would’ve been close

So she would have two kids that are like maybe 2 years apart or 5 years apart

I don’t think she would enjoy being pregnant but she enjoys it more than she thought she would

Is not willing to go through giving birth again

So if you’re a person who could give birth if you want more than 2 kids then you’re giving birth

If you’re a person that can get others pregnant then you better plan for a surrogate or adoption because like I said she’s not going through that labor shit again

She is open to having more than 2 kids but like there’s other things that you have to do if you want them

Is a decent mom is kinda awkward with mothering but tries her best

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cutie-writes · 6 months

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Genshin Characters as the Weird Shit that Happens at my Work

(I work at a roller rink/ family entertainment)

Got their head stuck in a claw machine because they were out of money but absolutely needed that prize: klee, bennett, ITTO, kirara

On the jungle gym despite being a grown ass man literally on a business call: childe, heizou, wriothesley, venti

Complained about the structure of the building as though I created the shit: KAVEH, dori , ninguang

Asked for a refund when they never paid for anything: zhongli, fischl, furina

Had to be escorted off the rink after collapsing drunk on their ass: beidou, kaveh, VENTI

Loudly complained about his life with the bartender to a point that he hid in the back until they were gone: KAAAVEH, venti, kaeya

brought a knife in and had the audacity to act shocked that the police arrived: CHILDE, rosaria, xiao

Bragged about their VIOLENT charges across the entire state that somehow went unnoticed yet was a manager for several months????: childe, eula, wanderer

Had a break down over the rubber duck machine: furina, razor, diona

Let out the most god awful fart and blamed it on the kid next to him: HEIZOU, venti, ITTO

Dressed up as Jesus and went out on the roller rink: barbara, venti, nilou

Somehow managed to stuff the mini trash cans into the toilets?: xingqiu, klee

Accidentally broke the door off a locker: raiden shogun, itto, bennett

Gave the nicest smile before obliterating the party room: xiangling, zhongli, kaeya, YAE MIKO, ayato, ayaka

Wanted to know when the “rat guy” is coming: qiqi, albedo, lyney & lynette, xiao

Bitched about their mom when she was right behind them: wanderer

STOLE $400 WORTH OF POKÉMON CARDS????: cyno

Skated with a fucking lizard on his shoulder: tighnari, wriosthesley, baizhu, razor

Got in trouble with another mom for laughing when her kid ate shit: yae miko, hu tao, deyha, heizou *The Mom: jean, nahida, candace

Took a nap behind the front counter: LAYLA, lisa, kokomi, sayu

Decided this was a great place to read: xingqiu, kazuha, alhaitham, neuvillette, yanfei

*Pissed that it was too loud to read: Alhaitham (forgot his headphones) xingqiu, yanfei

Went on a sugar high that can only be described as traumatic: chongyun, furina, klee, raiden shogun, shenhe

Took a nap upstairs despite the fact we were literally robbed an hour ago: lisa, sayu, layla, albedo, wriothesley, yelan

Randomly on the roof after closing and noticed our dumpster was on fire?: XIAO, nahida, diluc, rosaria, freminet

Sang the entire high school musical discography while we cleaned the restrooms: BARBARA, amber, yoimiya, noelle, xingyan

Joked about a customer meeting god up close and personal if he slips on the rink: hu tao, rosaria

Asked for spare change while the fire alarm went off and we were evacuating: albedo, mona, alhaitham

*The one who pulled the fire alarm: wanderer, childe, klee

Took one hit of a vape and just about croaked: baizhu, mona, yunjin

Cracked their head open and tried to skate the next day: itto, childe, dehya

Gave all the employees sparkly stickers: yao yao, kokomi, nilou, nahida

#cutie writes #genshin spoilers #genshin imagines #genshin impact #genshin hcs #alhaitham #kaveh #childe #tartaglia #diluc #neuvillette #wriothesley #fontaine #sumeru #my writing #mine

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chippedtoons · 3 months

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reasons why MK is The Protagonist Of All Time™️

- MK's two best friends are fucking millionaires. one of them is literally royalty. Wukong, his mentor, is basically a known celebrity and has comic books, two known tv shows, two known cardboard cutouts, cereal, candy bars, action figures, plushies, a fucking video game, and more [keep in mind this id just in-universe], so hes definitely loaded in cash. MK not only works at a 9-5 job for a business his dad owns and is also the only one of these four characters with a job.

- he once ate cursed meatballs which resulted in him getting hiccups so bad they caused fucking earthquakes. after having said hiccups cured he openly admitted to wanting more cursed meatballs.

- there's an entire episode dedicated to showcasing how this guy cannot pay attention. at all.

- the dude has ZERO fucking impulse control and does NOT intend on gaining any. he climbed up an entire building, fell off, and climbed it from a different side in a matter of seconds. because he thought he saw his childhood hero.

- he can summon a giant robot at will???? and no one questions it???????

- he accidentally shrunk his uncle once.

- hes guilty of murdering four people and two of them were on accident.

- he didnt know he wasnt a human being until like. a week ago. he just had the ability to kill god one day and never questioned it. he was literally told of his entire origin and went "no, im NormalMan 9000. trust me."

- his dad quite literally saw him standing outside his shop one day and went "oh, fuck. no one ELSE is gonna adopt this random child!" and took him in without hesitation.

- accidentally turned his hands into dogs once.

- he killed the second jade emperor.

- he's scared of spiders.

feel free to add more because this is just the stuff i remember

#nova's posts #mk's posts #chiptoons #lego monkie kid #lmk mk #lego monkie kid mk

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ganondoodle · 5 months

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im pretty sure i mentioned all these things before but its too late to start drawing anything and each time i see someone talk about totk i just get sad and frustrated again

literally by FAR the biggest problem about totk is that it REFUSES to connect to botw in any way beyond reusing the same map and character models, and even taking the things botw had established and ruin them entirely

ancient hero? BAM weird sonau dog thing that remains completely unexplained and out of nowhere eight heroine myster- BAM just some guy long gone sonau peopl- BAM here they are and they have zero connection to the ones of botw mystical dragons gracing the skies with their presence- BAM probably some dude who ate a magic pebble once strange mystical nature god you could rarely encounter in one specific spot and the area was made to feel utteraly unsettling but also divine- BAM now hes everywhere and only serves you as a shorthand for man pointing at cave the strange energy all shiekah tech was powered with with certain locations being ones where alot of it was concentrated including beneath hyrule castle clearly stating that somethings up with that- welp theres evil guy donw there but he has zero connection to all that lol

the whole shiekah tech thing, i just- WHY???? LIKE THAT??? there was so much stuff in botw that seemed deliberately placed that there IS more to it and now it all vanished and nothing of that mattered??? i saw a video of someone comparing certain places directly and on some where towers literally broke away tons of debris where just like .. sanded back down like nothing ever happened???; the fuking mechanism of how the towers and shrines and the pillars around the castle worked AND WHAT THE BOTW BOSS ARENA WAS ACTUALLY FOR?? its all gone and replaced with dirt; tHE ANCIENT FUCKING FURNANCES UTTERLY GONE AND REPLACED WITH ROCKS HUH???? so nothing of all that talk about their mystery and mechanism mattered???? the luminous stoens and its connection to spirits and how concentrated spiritual energy might have been what powered the tech- like you could connect things, and they made SENSE, so much sense that that seemed like it was intentionally setting up- only for it all to be just GONE?? to literally say lol it all vanished and that we shouldnt worry about it- like what the FUCK (and it also AGAIN doesnt make sense in itself bc WE SEE GUARDIAN PARTS in the towers, and some parts of them too are made of clearly shiekah tech stuff so it cant all have vanished- all their mystery doesnt matter bc idk it just works i guess lol and its not even called shiekah tech at any point either its just there and also not lol-)

(and even the smaller things like .. where the fuck does link live if everyone treats him like a goddamn stranger in the town you had to buy a house in botw for it to not be demolished and now that house is there but its not yours and noone knows you??? sth i personalyl found strange too that dumsda, the guy you help build an entire town, taburasa, had a very specific talking quirk i loved, and its all just gone in totk too, he talks like any other person all of the sudden

also at the end of botw finally being reunited with zelda and giving you the taste of being in the game WITH her at the same time in the intro to totk- WOOP away she goes! shes your pretty prize at the end and nothing more, what a way to disrespect her and her character..)

imagine if majoras mask didnt have the opening like it has and it otherwise stayed the same and they tried to tell you that its a direct sequel happening exactly where ocarina of time happened in the same world, zelda who?? ganondorf who??? things seem weird and off? lol dont worry about that :)) that would be weird and not make any sense at all now would it??

... sorry going on another rant again, ill just never be able to accept everything from botw didnt actually matter, and despite what some people might say, its pretty hard to ignore totk bc i LOVE botw, and as much as i hate it, they are connected in canon, even if it makes no sense

#ganondoodles talks #zelda #totk #ganondoodles rants #i know im jsut repeating myself at this point #but some things just #i CANNOT understand why they did it like this #where the hell did kashiwa go man #i miss that funky bird #was he too much associated with botw and so it had to be done away with bc all botw things BAD??#what i would have given for seeing the titans now enshrined as temples to honor their service and their champion #to have broken shiekah shrines in the depths #old research labs with unreadable text but clear hints to how they made the guardians cores #the yiga rediscovering their lost heritage #..#i could talk about so much stuff again and again but i have done that about most thigns already #this game grinds my gears #sand in the maschine #ouch urhg ack gah

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m0nsterqzzz · 3 months

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What Did I Say about the Arrows?

pairing: katniss everdeen x reader

summary: your girlfriends hands are like sandpaper, so you decide to fix that.

warnings: none just pure flufffff, wait, one tiny little mention of the bomb dropper katniss kissed like 10 times throughout the movies

a/n: thank you @drima for the request i literally had so much fun writing this. hope i fulfilled your vision dear :)

( not me not knowing how to summarize it and putting whatever that is T-T )

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Humming along to the quiet jazz music playing from the small radio on the shelf, you stir the garlic sauce in the pan. The chicken sizzles in the one next to it, heat radiating off the stove and onto your face and you're suddenly thankful it’s cold outside as you open a window. This also makes it easier to watch the area outside your house, waiting for any sign that your girlfriend is home.

She’s been gone since seven am, out hunting like she does almost everyday. She’s always home in the evenings, usually bringing enough food to sell in the Hob and still have enough to feed you, her, and her younger sister, Prim. You cook while Prim does school work and a few chores, not trusting Katniss anywhere near a kitchen after the time she burned mac and cheese and almost caught fire to your two bedroom house. The instructions are literally on the box.

You met Katniss in school a few years before she volunteered for her sister in the games, and what started as you nervously asking her to be your partner in a school project turned into you guys hanging out everyday while she ate the soup you sell at the Hob in exchange for a few pieces of whatever she hunted that day. You always gave the meat to those in the town who needed it more, but she didn’t know that. She begged you to take of her sister and mother when you visited her in the Justice Hall before she was dragged to the capitol on reaping day, as if you weren't already planning on it. Then she kissed you when she arrived home, mumbling something like, “it’s always been you” as she hugged you tightly.

The sound of the front door opening brings you out of your memories, and you let out a small squeal when Katniss calls out, “Honey I’m home!” She uses the same line every single day, but you’ll never get tired of hearing it.

“Kat!” You run to the living room, practically jumping into her arms before she even finishes taking off her scarf. Her shoes are already off, as she knows the rule about not dragging snow into the house you and Prim clean everyday. The brunette easily catches you, letting you wrap your limbs around her like a koala bear as you guys stand there in the entryway, just basking in the bliss of being with her.

Suddenly somebody gags behind you, and you giggle as Katniss gently drops you on the ground. You land on your feet, turning to face the noise and laughing when you see Prim staring at you two with a disgusted face. “Can you guys like….not do that here? You’ve only been apart for like half a day.” You and Katniss share a glance before you both burst out laughing.

“Can we like, not kiss in our home?” “Exactly! You guys do get it! Thanks for understanding.” With that she walks away, and yours and your girlfriend's laughter slowly dies down as you stare into each others eyes. Her hand reaches up to gently caress your cheek, but you gently push it away.

She sighs, placing her hands into her pockets as she nervously looks down. “Katniss….I love you but I don’t want to rub sandpaper on my face. I thought I told you to start caring about your hands.” The archer sighs, placing her bow and arrows on the counter as she follows you into the bathroom. You always get on her about the damage she's doing to her hands, and she seems to care until the next day comes around.

The two bedroom house you bought a little closer to town than your girlfriend's original home wasn’t originally meant for you and her, but it just slowly happened over time that the two girls moved their stuff into your house. Now Prim's room is covered in all her old stuff, and you even bought a cat bed for Buttercup, her cat. You didn’t have much of a family growing up, so you didn’t exactly mind being surrounded by your favorite girls all day everyday.

You force her to sit down on the toilet lid that now always stays closed unless someone is using it after the time Buttercup fell in, and then grab a tug big enough for her hands and fill it with warm water from the sink. She lets you take her hands in yours, placing them in the warm water and beginning to gently rub the calluses. Eventually, they will soften and it will be easier to rub them off. Obviously they won't all come off, but her hands will feel a bit softer than they do right now.

“You told me you would start watching out for your hands Katniss.” “Oh….no nickname? You're mad.” You chuckle, leaning over to kiss her cheek before going back to the task at hand. “I'm not mad I just worry about you okay? I know it may not seem that important to you but it is to me alright? You need to start wearing gloves while you're hunting. Something to protect your fingers.”

She playfully scoffs, sending you a small smile as she asks, “And who is going to buy these luxury items?” She's not wrong. Prim asked for a new dress to wear to a school event a few months ago, and you and Katniss had to spend extra hours hunting or collecting things to sell at the Hob so there would still be enough money to survive and buy a dress. That was made of cotton and didn't cost too much but something like leather? Well that would cost a lot here.

Prim walks by the door at the moment with a cookie in hand, looking through the open door and making sure her family is okay before she says with a mouth full of the baked goods Peeta brought over, “Can you guys stop acting like an old married couple for like two seconds?” You both laugh, but she just playfully rolls her eyes and sticks her tongue out at her sister. You swat her hand gently with a chuckle. “Stop acting like a child, Katniss.” She huffs, narrowing her eyes at you. “She started it! She acted childish!” “Maybe that's because she's a child!”

Your laughter eventually fades and then it’s peaceful silence. “We'll figure something out okay? We always do.” You mumble, gently patting her hands dry and instructing her to try and remove the top layer of the calluses.

The girl nods, quietly sitting there as you take care of her before she begins to hum, “in the meadow” you hum along, and giggles are shared when the song ends.

The next day, she leaves around the same time she did yesterday, but today it’s heavily raining and you're worried. You know she's careful and wouldn’t do anything too risky, but sometimes Katniss gets caught up in providing for her family that she doesn’t exactly think about her own safety. But I guess you only have to fall in a ditch while it’s raining and wait for townspeople to help you once to learn to watch where you're stepping. At least you hope so.

While she's off doing that and Prim is at school, you spend the day lounging around the house reading books or drawing. You can’t stop thinking about what Katniss said though.

“And who’s going to buy these luxury items?”

Money has never really been an issue when it came to living with the two girls unless you wanted someone extra. You guys have enough of it to survive, to live off of, but you don't have enough to constantly go spend it on things like dresses and leather gloves.

Your mother taught you how to sew when you were a teenager, but you never used it because there wasn’t exactly a need to. She was well known and liked in this town for her clothes that she sold in the Hob, and everyone was a bit disappointed when she died and you didn’t carry on that business. It wasn’t like you didn’t want to, but you had never had much interest in it. She’d always told you that it was an art, and one that also payed well.

If you could make Katniss some clothes with the leather that your friend sells in the Hob, then use your mothers sewing machine that was given to you by her right before she died to sew some gloves for your girlfriend, her hands wouldn't take as much damage while she's hunting.

Now with an idea in your head, you bring the latter leading to the attic down from the ceiling and search through a few boxes. You come to one labeled with your name, opening it to see your mothers sewing machine. “You’re lucky mom. I’m finally trying your hobby again.” You mumble, grabbing it out of the box and taking it back downstairs.

You hide the machine under your side of the bed so Katniss won’t question why it’s out, then put on your coat and boats. Grabbing the woven basket that always sits next to the door after it’s been emptied out, you make your way to the edge of the forest. You stay by the edge and use tall bushes as your cover, praying Katniss won’t see you as you make your way to the garden she made for you. It’s got flowers, plants, and food. When your girlfriend realized how much you love cooking and finding different plants in the forest, she made you a garden about 130 years into the forest. It was originally a spot of land surrounded by trees, and you and Katniss would have picnics or hang out there when you were bored. You guys still do, but now you enjoy the sight of your beautiful flowers and plants while doing that.

Katniss is definitely deeper into the forest, but you’re still cautious about making too much noise so she doesn’t hear you as you pick some flowers and vegetables. Your friend sells a square of leather (about 7 inches wide and 11 inches long) for 3.30$ a piece. It would take a few of those to make the gloves, so as long as you pick enough good vegetables, flowers, and herbs from the forest, you should make enough to buy the amount of material needed.

You put a ton of stuff in the basket, leaving enough room for some herbs around the edge of the forest to sell to the doctors and give to Prim. Then it’s time to go to the Hob, looking around before sneaking back into town as if you were never gone.

The trade goes quickly. Money from the first few stands in exchange for the vegetables, then to the sweet old woman who always buys your flowers to give to her children or plant in front of her house, and then the herbs to some doctor who keeps his booth open at the market walkway. You don’t know his name, and you're not sure he knows yours, but you see him almost everyday and both hold a certain understanding of each other. You sell him the herbs to help save lives, and he doesn’t ask where you get them.

Lastly, you make your way to one of the last booths in the market, greeting your friend with a small smile. He has a few pieces of leather left, just the right amount for your project that he gives to you without hesitation. He offers a discount, but you know his kids need school uniforms after Prim asked you for some money for said outfit.

Then it’s finally time to go home, and it’s like four pm when you get home. Katniss will be back soon, so you decide to hide the materials next to the sewing machine and just make dinner with Primrose.

You spend the next few weeks sketching up ideas for the gloves, then making said gloves, also spending some evenings helping your girlfriend sooth away even more calluses. She doesn’t suspect a thing, and you're suddenly thankful that Prim is so good at keeping secrets when she comes home early from school one day and catches you sewing the left glove.

So, about four weeks later, you have a decent pair of leather gloves for your girlfriend. Thick enough to keep her warm and protect from the harsh string on her bow but still not be a bother to her while she's hunting. You’ve seen other gloves like the ones you were making at the market, so you copied them down to the last stitch. Their three fingered gloves, the pointer, middle, and ring finger being the ones with fingers as those are the three fingers Katniss holds the string of her bow with.

You're nervous to show them to her, but you’ve spent enough time with Katniss to know that she’d never make fun of you for giving her a gift. In fact, when you took up painting and made a horrendous picture of Buttercup, she hung it on the wall near her side of the bed without hesitation. She will never let you take it down.

You and Prim are making dinner when she comes home, and your hand fly's to your back pocket to make sure the gloves are still there. The young girl was off school today, so she helped you with the final details on the gloves and spent the rest of the time talking about a girl in her class as you waited for your girlfriend to come home. “Honey I’m home!” She calls out, and it’s silent for a second other than the sound of her removing her coat and boats before she walks into the kitchen and smiles at you two. “Hey guys.” She smiles, wrapping her arms around your waist and resting her chin on your shoulder.

“Hey Kat.” You mumble, letting your body relax into her arms as you stop stirring the food. You almost forget about the gift for a second, but the way Primrose sighs makes you remember. “I have a present.” “For me?” “No. For Casper the ghost.” “Yes for you Katniss!” She chuckles, removing her arms from around you and leaning against the counter as she waits expectantly.

You take a deep breath before pulling out the gloves, and then all your worries fade away with the grin that crosses her face. "You said we didn't have the money to buy them and you were right so I sold some flowers and veggies out of my garden and made them." Her smile falters a bit.

“But you love your flowers….why would you sell them?” You smile a bit, moving your hand up to caress her cheek as you say, “Let me ask you, do you like them? Is that why you're smiling?” Your girlfriend nods, the smile slowly coming back to her face as she looks down at the gift in her hand. “Well….yeah. I love them.” “Then it was worth it. And besides, they’ll grow back. Your happiness is much more important to me than some flowers.”

The smile never leaves the archer's face as she puts the gloves on, squeezing her fists closed and then opening them as if testing them out. “What do you think?” You ask and her gaze doesn’t move from her hands until she suddenly sprints out of the kitchen. “Kat?” You run after her, almost bumping into her when you get to the living room where she’s already lining up an arrow with her bow. “Katniss!” She doesn’t listen as she lets the arrow fly through the open window, and it’s silent for a second before Prim begins to laugh behind you.

You sigh, gently swatting the brunette's arm and then you sternly say as if lecturing a child- which isn’t far from the truth, “What did I say about the arrows Katniss Everdeen?” She sheepishly smiles before setting her bow back down on its spot next to the door.

“You said not to shoot them in the house unless there was an intruder or Gale came to visit.” “Exactly. Now go get the arrow.” She playfully sighs, going to put on her boots before she turns back around to place a small kiss on your lips. “Thank you my love. They’re amazing.” This makes your smile grow a bit, and it remains there as she puts on her boots and leaves the house to find her arrow.

“You know, I think she’s gonna marry you.” You practically choke on your spit as Prim speaks, but the girl is already gone by the time you gain your composure and turn around to face her.

#katniss everdeen x you #katniss everdeen x reader #katniss everdeen #the hunger games x reader #the hunger games

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eszera15 · 9 months

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More Than Friends [Zandik x GN! Reader]

Decided to post this here because why not.

Warnings: fluff, comfort, kissing, suggestive at the end if you squint

Synopsis: You are a burnt out Akademiya student about a month away from graduating. You just can’t bring yourself to care about the schoolwork piling up or upcoming exams, so you decided to visit your friend.

—

Ugh… Schoolwork. You were so fucking tired of it. It was taking up so much of your time, and you were close to graduating from the Akademiya anyway so it’s not like you had the motivation to actually do any of it.

Frustrated, you pushed your work to the side, grabbed your jacket, and headed to the door. You were going to talk a walk, and this walk was going to clear your mind. This wouldn’t just give you more anxiety, it was going to help. This wasn’t procrastinating.

Or at least that’s the shit you told yourself because you didn’t know what else to do.

You pulled your jacket on and flipped up the hood as you walked outside. Of course it was raining. Not enough to require a waterproof coat, but just enough to send shivers down your spine if the wind blew too strong. It was also dark. Which didn’t bode well as the sidewalk was so uneven you sometimes had a problem walking on in when it was light out.

Could things get any fucking worse?

Apparently it could because just then you tripped over your own shoelace and just barely managed to catch yourself and avoid smashing your face on the concrete.

You hissed in pain as the gravel dug into your palms, and you could feel the blood starting to run down your fingers as you got up. Perfect. Maybe this walk was a bad idea.

You still held on hope that your destination would make the scrapes and bruises worth it.

Hell you knew it would be worth it, you were going to see one of your best friends after all. Even if he wasn’t home, he would probably make it up to you some other time. That’s just how he rolled, or at least with you. The guy never seemed to care much about anyone else.

You kept walking, it wasn’t far now. Just a few more blocks. You let your mind wander a little to fill the time. You thought about the pile of schoolwork you abandoned in your apartment and how the hell you were going to get it done in time. You sighed, you would get it done, somehow you always managed.

Finally you arrived at his apartment building. The buzzer was broken, so you had to use the spare key Zandik had given you to get in.

Trudging up the stairs, you hoped he wasn’t already in bed. You would’ve hated yourself if you woke him up the one time he actually went to bed at a reasonable time.

Oh who were you kidding. You weren’t even sure if he actually slept like a normal human being at this point. He might’ve made up some crazy assed potion that acts as a substitute for sleep. It was definitely a possibility. Or maybe he was just fucking crazy.

It was probably both, and if it was, you should ask about that magic sleep potion.

You arrived at his apartment door and knocked. You could use the spare key he gave you to just open the door if it was locked, but you didn’t want to be too rude.

”It’s open!”

You opened the door and just kind of stood there, looking utterly defeated. Zandik looked over at you, beaker of a strange liquid in one and a test tube in the other.

”(Y/N), you good? You look like shit.”

Straight to the point. The simplicity comforted you. Definitely a refresher after how literally everything else in life was complicated as hell.

You walked over and hugged him, shoving your face into his chest while incoherently mumbling about feeling burnt out.

”Fuck, lemme put this down.” Zandik awkwardly reached over you and put the tube and beaker down on the desk. He then rubbed your back and slowly walked you over to the couch.

”Why is there blood all over your hands?”

“I ate shit on the walk over.” You slumped back into the pillows, trying not to get blood everywhere.

”Stay right there, I have some medical stuff in the closet.”

As he stood up you noticed that you got blood on his shirt when you hugged him. You huffed in frustration, how bad of a friend were you? Zandik seemed to do so much for you, but you never had the chance to really do anything important for him.

Hell, you even asked once what you could do for him. He just pulled you into a hug and kissed the top of your head, saying that simply existing was more than enough. Never in your life had you felt so appreciated or validated, and all you could do was cry into his chest and hug him tighter. He rested his chin on the crown of your head and stroked your hair, which calmed you down. When you finally looked up, all you could say was, “You’re so fucking amazing. Thank you thank you thank you.”

You pulled yourself back to the present with a smile on your face. That was probably your favorite memory.

Zandik sat next to you with the first aid kit he dug out of the closet. “Give me your hands.” He began to clean and disinfect the cuts, being as gentle as possible.

Just then it occurred to you how weird (for lack of a better term) your relationship with Zandik was. It went farther that what most people would consider a friendship, but you weren’t really dating either. But if he did ask you out, there really wouldn’t be a change in your relationship. Neither of you ever really cared about the ‘status’ of your relationship. You didn’t care whether you were dating or not, you two just did what was comfortable. And if that included lots of cuddles and quality time (which it did) so fucking be it.

Zandik finished bandaging your hands and got up to put the kit away. This time he noticed the blood on his shirt. He gave it a concerned look before removing the shirt and tossing it into the laundry basket next to the couch. He walked into his bedroom and came out as he was pulling a clean shirt over his head.

“Do you need anything else?”

”Cuddles and love.” You respond trying to dramatically pout but laughing at your attempt. He smiled and pulled you into his lap while leaning back into the couch. You essentially sprawled out over him like a cat, wanting to get as close as physically possible.

He was warm, which was one of the many things you loved about him. It made him prime cuddle material. You rest your head on his chest and listen to his steady heartbeat as he lazily pet your hair. You were so comfortable that after a few minutes you began to drift off in the comfortable silence.

”Hey, you know your absolutely fucking beautiful right?”

You lift up your head, that was a random question. “What?”

”You’re beautiful.”

”Yeah, I know what you said, but why did you say that?”

”Last week you said that you were insecure about how you look. I just wanted you to know that I thought you were beautiful. And smart for that matter. I know you’re completely burnt out right now, but you are still fucking smart.”

You were surprised at the comment. He went so above and beyond what anyone else has ever done for you that you didn’t know what do do with it. Holy shit you were so lucky to have him.

Suddenly you felt a hand cradling your neck and jaw. You looked up to meet his eyes, and you couldn’t help but think that his eyes really were a beautiful shade of red. You couldn’t quite read the emotion swirling around in them, but it didn’t matter because the question was answered when he pulled you into a kiss.

Somehow the gesture didn’t surprise you at all. It just felt so natural that you didn’t question the action despite you never kissing before.

His tongue slipped through your lips and explored your mouth. You enjoyed every second of it. Your hands travelled up to cradle his neck, pulling him deeper into the kiss. His free hand slipped down and wrapped around your waist.

The whole experience just felt right.

Neither of you knew how long the kiss lasted, but when you finally parted there was a thick string of saliva connecting your mouths.

You sat there a moment, letting everything sink in before saying, “Was that romantic or platonic?” You genuinely didn’t know, and you honestly wouldn’t care either way.

”I’m not completely sure, and I’m not sure I really care. Wagering a guess though, it was more romantic.”

“Great then you won’t mind me doing this.”

You kissed his neck. It wasn’t really supposed to be a bite, but your teeth did catch his skin. He let out a noise somewhere between a moan and a satisfied hum.

”I always had a feeling we would turn out as something a little more than friends,” he said as he grabbed your hips and sat you both up. He pulled you into another kiss. Slowly he pulled away and let his kisses travel from the corner of your lips down to your collar bone.

”How far do you want to go, Zandik?”

”All the way my love, if that’s okay.”

#dottore #genshin impact #genshin x reader #dottore x reader #dottore genshin #dottore x you #dottore x y/n #fluff #comfort #genshin impact x reader #genshin x you #genshin x y/n #genshin x gender neutral reader #gender neutral reader #reader insert #x reader #x you #x y/n

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keiwook · 11 months

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I DON'T GET SICK, SILLY ! ♡ SHB

synopsis hanbin never gets sick but when he does, he won’t admit it

genre hanbin x gn!reader, fluff, established relationship warnings mentions of sickness/medicine/food wc 1k+

notes happy hanbin day !

masterlist

hanbin was always the type of person to care about others more than himself. he loves the joy it brings to him when others are happy and well.

so regularly, he’s been taking care of you whether you like it or not. especially when you were sick, he’d make sure you took your medicine on time and was getting enough rest.

he’d arrive at your door the second he heard you sneeze. maybe he was a little bit dramatic, but he cared for you and it made him happy to be doing things for people he loved. his touches and love for you were basically enough to make you feel better again.

one day when you were sick (again), hanbin was already there at the doorstep with some porridge at hand. “you didn’t have to, you know..” you say as you plop onto the couch, pulling the blanket. “but i do, i care about you and your health.” fondness in his tone as he places the porridge on the table.

he watches as your eyes droop with exhaustion, his heart ached at the sight of you; someone he loved, so worn out. “have you ate your medicine?” he spoke out, placing his palm onto your forehead to check the temperature. you slightly nod, pulling up the blankets a bit more as you felt chilly. feeling relieved, he laid down next to you.

“hanbin, you’re gonna get sick too.” you say, knowing fully well that hanbin never gets sick from anything. he smiled affectionately, placing a kiss to your forehead “you matter more than getting sick. besides, i never get sick, silly!”

a few days passed and your fever finally went away. hanbin was there with you all of those few days to take care of you and make you feel better. as a token of appreciation, you decided to stop by hanbin’s to hang out with him.

knocking on the door, you heard footsteps nearing followed by the sound of unlocking the lock. the door opened, revealing a messy-haired hanbin that looked like he just woke up from his nap. he invited you in, closing the door behind you and immediately clearing up his living room that was piled over with pillows and a blanket

“sorry for the mess..” he rubbed his nape out of embarrassment. this wasn’t like hanbin, he always made sure his house was tidy and to look neat, especially knowing he was going to have guests over. you shrugged it off as he could’ve been tired from doing work and not have time to clear stuff out.

after he finished clearing the space, he sat down and patted the area of couch next to him, signalling you to sit down. you eyed his face; obviously handsome and stunning but it seemed like he was tired, maybe it was work or a bad sleeping schedule but you didn’t question it as you knew hanbin was one to always prioritise health. well you believed that until you heard a sneeze erupt from hanbin, his eyes widening from the realisation.

“hanbin, are you sick?” eyes furrowing at the sight of him, you always thought he had a strong immune system. “i’m fine, it was just a sneeze.” he replied, smiling to reassure you. as much as you wanted to believe him, he did spend days with you when you were sick, literally giving you kisses everywhere.

another sneeze, followed up with another just confirmed the fact that sung hanbin; the guy that never gets sick, is currently coming down with a fever. as he wipes his nose using a tissue, he looks at you while trying to hold a smile “really, i’m fine. don’t worry about it.”

but the ways his eyes droop with fatigue says otherwise, you get up to place your hand onto his forehead, feeling for his temperature “oh my, you’re hot!” hanbin chuckled at your words, pulling you back down onto the couch “i know i am.” you realise what you said, softly hitting him on the shoulder as this wasn’t the time to joke around.

“hanbin, you’re literally burning and you say you’re fine?” he softly smiles, taking your hand to kiss your knuckles “i swear i’m alright.” another sneeze came out from him, this time you weren’t gonna let hanbin get away with it. you get up, walking to where he stores all his medicine for every ailment. he didn’t even try to stop you, he was too tired to as he was now fighting a bad headache.

you came back with a few bottles of medicine and some water. you placed the medicine in one of his hands and gave the glass of water to the other. as much as hanbin wanted to prove he was not sick; it was definitely obvious he was. he took one look at the medicine and sighed, plopping them into his mouth, followed by a gulp of water to wash it down.

he was rubbing his temples, trying to get rid of the aching pain in his head, laying down onto the couch in the process. you’ve never seen hanbin so tired before and well, sick in general as hanbin took pride in not ever getting sick.

you grabbed the well folded blanket earlier and covered him up. a pout forming on his lips “i never get sick, why is this happening?” he complains, moving to lay down on one side. “maybe because someone kept kissing me while i was very sick last week.” his lips pressed into a thin line, realising what he did easily contributed to his pains now. he really wanted to complain more but the exhaustion got to him.

“how am i going to take care of you now?” he asked, holding your hand as his mood sullens at the thought. you smiled because even when sick, he’s still thinking about you. “you don’t. let me take care of you.”

he was disquieted on your statement, shaking his head “no, i’m fine!” he tries to rebut as a last effort. but you weren’t taking it, squeezing his hand “yeah, whatever you say.” laughing at his antics. “just let me take care of you, okay?” sure, he was very bothered that he couldn’t do much but he was also grateful that you were there for him. huffing out, knowing there was no changing your mind and acting strong now

“thank you.”

tag @bruhiamistake @trashhdez @chxrrymxxnlight @haesunflower @big-uwu-stan

here, if you want to join the taglist !

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rizzkisworld · 5 months

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Sentiments pt2 - Park Sunghoon

Pairing: Bf! Sunghoon x Gn! reader

Genre: fluff fluff and more fluff

Warning: none

Authors Note: Ello this is birthday version of sentiments and it's for Sunghoon this time!!!(Riki version here) Happy Birthday Hoon! I also have something for Riki coming out :)

Spending time with you made Sunghoon's day, especially his birthday. He's a busy man, we all know, so when his special day rolls around, he makes sure he can spend it all with you. Rather it be going for a nice walk, shopping a bit at the mall, or even just staying home, he loves it all. This time around, you decided to take him out for a nice little dinner at one of his favorite restaurants and let me tell you, Hoon was excited! Mainly to hang out with you to be honest.

Sharing delicious food with you was a highlight of the day. Now, we all know enhypen don't play when it comes to food right? Ate and left no crumbs literally. You guys don't fully remember what you talked about, but you remember that it was a lot of laughable moments.

The inside jokes you guys make are the funniest. "Babe, remember that time we were at the restaurant on my birthday and you bumped into the wall and said sorry as if it was a person-" "Hoon.... That was today.... And it wasn't that funny." You both start laughing like freaks though. Sunghoon usually appears cold and stuff, but when he makes a joke it's so funny. That's exactly how it is in your relationship. Except to you he doesn't look all that cold because he gets all giddy around you and then denies it afterwards.

The dessert you made was phenomenal! Whether you bake a lot or not doesn't matter, all that matters is that you worked hard to make sure the dessert was perfect! Hoon dug right on in and tore it up. No trace was left behind. All while he's enjoying the baked goods, you're just sitting there with heart eyes because like who wouldn't?

The end of the night came and Sunghoon went on and on about how much he enjoyed the day. It wasn't much at all, but it was a special moment for him. The amount of memories you guys made, the delicious food, plus you made him dessert. He couldn't ask for more. And he wouldn't, because this was all he wanted for his birthday. He just wanted it to be you and him. "I love you, Y/n." "I love you too." *cue the kiss scene*

Taggy Taglist: @in2fly

#enhypen fluff #enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen x reader #enhypen au #enhypen smau #sunghoon fluff #sunghoon imagines #sunghoon scenarios #sunghoon x reader #sunghoon au #sunghoon smau #park sunghoon fluff #park sunghoon imagines #park sunghoon scenarios #park sunghoon x reader #park sunghoon smau

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beanghostprincess · 5 months

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Sanuso Modern AU in which Sanji works as a waiter at the Baratie and Zoro invites Usopp to have dinner with him because Usopp's art school is close to Zoro's dojo. And so Usopp assumes (biggest mistake. Don't assume anything when it comes to this green-haired dumbass) that Zoro has money and will be the one paying. So of course, when they finish eating and they actually have to pay, Zoro says that he doesn't have any money with him and just assumed (biggest mistake. Don't assume Usopp will ever willingly pay when he could just take advantage of his best friend) that Usopp had money with him.

So, of course, Zoro tells him to wait there at the table. His apartment is close and he can just go there and grab the money! Usopp's second biggest mistake: Don't ever let Zoro walk home alone. Don't ever let Zoro be responsible for money stuff, either.

But Usopp realizes that fairly late when an hour has passed already and the staff is looking at him weirdly. He keeps chewing on the bread they had left and drinking water to look less suspicious, but he's dying from anxiety and Zoro just won't pick up the phone!

They're getting ready to close the restaurant and of course, they just had to send someone to tell him to pay and fuck off or- Or go to jail? What- What do they do to you when you don't pay in a restaurant? Is it like stealing? Usopp is going to die. They're going to murder him with the same knives they used to cut the chicken he ate.

The guy who approaches him with the bill seems exhausted and uninterested and Usopp really, really doesn't want to look up. "Glad you liked our shitty restaurant, but it's time to hit the hay for some and my boss wants me to kick your ass as quick as possible. So why don't you make this easier for both of us and just pay already instead of licking bread like a starving orphan."

Usopp is visibly shaking when he speaks up. "Uh- Yeah! Of course! Can't- Can't you add it to my-"

"We don't do that here, smartass, try something else. Like paying."

"Yes. Of course. I- I'll have you know I am the son of a very rich owner of a conglomerate and I'm just waiting for my chauffeur to come pick me up and give me my credit card! I just forgot I left it on the back of the limousine, silly me!"

There's a silence after that. A long, uncomfortable, and anxious silence that's only filled with the sound of other waiters cleaning the tables and moving chairs.

Then, the guy sits right in front of him. "Your friend ditched you, didn't he?"

And Usopp can't keep lying anymore, so he sighs while he looks up at the guy in front of him. "Forgot the money. He probably got lost on his way home."

The guy frowns, and Usopp doesn't have enough time to process how hot and handsome and classy and effortlessly cute he looks right now. With his long (Yes, Sanji has long hair here) hair in a bun and his tie undone. "That's pretty messed up." And he's being so genuine and serious about it that it almost scares Usopp, thinking Sanji might have taken it the wrong way.

"No! No. He's just a dumbass. And he- He lives literally not even two blocks away. He just can't tell between right and left."

"Dyslexic?"

"He's just stupid, but don't ask him to spell anything, either. I actually think he should go get that checked, though?"

And that makes the guy laugh. Like- Smile. With teeth and everything. And for a moment, Usopp doesn't give a fuck about the money.

"Tried calling him?"

"A few times. Then my phone died. And here we are! Are- Are you going to..."

"Going to do what, handsome?"

Okay. No. This waiter is going to be the death of him.

"Uh- If- If he doesn't come here."

"What would you want me to do?" And he rests his chin on the palm of his hand and whispers that so lewdly that it almost makes Usopp have a stroke. But then he laughs again, and just looks around the room before resting his back on the sit. "What I'm going to do is give you a phone charger, first and foremost. And then I'll keep you company while the dumbass of your friend comes here. Worst case scenario, you stay with us for a week cleaning dishes."

Usopp is starting to wonder if that really would be the worst-case scenario.

Long story short, Sanji gives him a phone charger and they stay at that table together for a long, long while. The restaurant is pretty much closed already but Sanji (that's the waiter's name. Sanji. Sounds good on Usopp's lips) stays with him. He tells Usopp about how he wishes he could be a real cook instead of just a waiter, but his father (surprisingly the owner of the restaurant) won't let him actually be a cook for real until he says so. Which seems to frustrate him, but still he speaks about his father with endearment. Usopp tells him about Zoro being stupid and one thing leads to another and he's telling him about anecdotes of his friend group. Sanji mentions Luffy, a friend of his that always comes here to eat, and how he would probably get along with Zoro because they're both dumbasses.

And the night keeps going. And going. And going. And it doesn't seem like Sanji is staying only to keep an eye on Usopp. It almost looks like he's flirting, and Usopp, somehow, has enough confidence to flirt back.

But of course, they had to ruin it. Someone knocks on the door of the restaurant and they both assume it's Zoro, but it's actually Nami instead. Zoro called her and told her everything, yadda yadda. She's exhausted and by the looks of her outfit, she was probably out partying when this happened. Usopp kind of wants to tell her to go away and leave them alone, but he just can't do that with Sanji in front of them.

Whatever. She pays for him. Adds it to his and Zoro's debt. And walks away, waiting for Usopp outside.

They both want to see each other again, that much is clear. But they're both also stupid, so neither asks for the other's phone number. And Usopp goes away without saying a word besides "Sorry I made you spend a Friday night with a stranger. At work, of all places."

To which Sanji responds with: "Well, despite what I said before, I really like my work. And I really, really liked that stranger, Usopp."

And it ends there.

Or it doesn't, because at some point they see each other again. Whether it's because Usopp goes to the Baratie again or because Sanji shows up suddenly in Usopp's art school. I won't say because I have no idea and this is just a concept, but I found it sweet!!!

#i made sanji a bit too flirty here i need to make him more pathetic #i swear he was internally begging for usopp to kiss him and holding back screaming #sanji falls for usopp the moment he sees him too btw #if you're wondering where zoro ended up he's at luffy's house bc it's the only place he knows how to walk to from any side of town #nami was having the time of her life and zoro ruined it #one piece #black leg sanji #usopp #sanuso

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briar-rolfes-research-oubliette · 1 month

Text

ON MONDAY, I (FINALLY) MADE IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH THE NEWEST ERAGON BOOK!

MURTAGH

“A Book I Read”

It took three very patient friends of mine to encourage me to finish reading this. I took notes the whole way through, and I am now sharing those in hope of finding loving community with my fellow haters.

Important context:

I loved Eragon, which came out when I was roughly eleven

Christopher Paolini was the first author to ever disappoint me

I used to love epic fantasy, until feminism, coming out, and learning about literary criticism made me just too mean to enjoy it

Since 2015, whenever I’ve had writer’s block, I’ve found inspiration by looking at this screenshot:

Christopher has managed to create a life where his mum has never stopped doing his laundry or his editing for him. He has never worked a job in his life. He has infinite time to work on his craft, and yet, with all of those advantages, he writes the way he does. I don’t hate him, but I do want to destroy him in single combat.

LET US BEGIN.

17 November 2023

I forgot how obsessed this man is with proving he knows rare words. Picking up my phone to google the word “trenchant”.

He really just didn’t want to say the dragon had a sharp sense of humour huh? Oh, no, it’s TRENCHANT. It wasn’t even for dialogue I identified as comedy but Murtagh thought it was TRENCHANT. He and Thorn have been alone in the wilderness for too long

NOT NASUADA BEING DESCRIBED AS HAVING ALMOND EYES

Of course the protagonist has grown a beard. He’s A Man Now.

I have a theory that this book is about coming to terms with marriage. Murtagh is like “our bond… our bond that lasts until death… the oldest magic… only the two of us understand each other. But, we’re also trapped with each other,” and I’m like hm. Fascinating. Say more

Instantly Murt befriends a child, to prove he is good really.

It’s so weird to read a book by a grown man with kids who is like “how did we all start out so innocent and pure…” like have you MET five year olds

This whole fork fight scene makes me feel second hand embarrassment deep in my soul. It’s SO This Guy Is The Best And Coolest

“Fencing with effortless ease” I do not care how well trained he is: you cannot kill four men with long swords by stabbing them with a little fork in “four hard impacts.” It’s just not happening.

I’m really dwelling on the idea of magic as “imposing your will” on something. It’s very.., something. Murtagh cleans his shirt by “imposing his will on the garment” like. Okay, I suppose in a way that is how all laundry is done, but it’s. Hm.

How come he’ll clean a shirt with magic but not shave with magic? Why are these books SO obsessed with beards and shaving and how to do shave and using magic for shaving etc etc, Eragon was also majorly preoccupied with this

Paolini’s got so many complexes on the page. All the “we’re half brothers and your dad killed my dad” stuff is A LOT

The naming stuff… SMH what would Ursula Le Guin say about all this

I’m obsessed with how even as (gasp) an OUTCAST!! Murtagh can’t not be the coolest guy ever for any time at all. It’s like a disease

Giving the child the enchanted killing fork was the worst decision ever made. Murtagh gives her a murder weapon and is then moping like “what’s it like… to live without killing…” literally pages later.

I’m really startled that Murt is delighted to see a tiny flying magical grass boat come down from the sky and circle him instead of being like “wtf, I’m being Watched,” which would be the true act of a man we are told is paranoid

I just got to the bit where Murtagh offhandedly says that magic users who “are the heaviest” always have the most spell reserves.

Like……… what???? Magic eats your fat?? It burns glucose??

You could be a better mage if you just, ate a bunch of raspberry frogs before each fight??????

It’s food powered??? You really want to go there, Paolini????? Wizards in the candy shop, eating sweeties like Mistborns?

GOD, if only Galbatorix had chugged a bottle of red cordial before his last big fight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I return after losing my mind about this to my partner for forty minutes)

If it was “if you’re hungry you can’t FOCUS” I’d get it. But I always assumed it was like, you know how other fantasy does it? Some kind of pool of ADDITIONAL energy that you are accessing and that can be used up (until you go too far and start using life force or whatever). Like, it’s CHANNELLING it that makes you tired, not that it’s literal food energy.

Murtagh is always running or doing his sword forms or whatever and now I’m like “DUDE, NO!!!?!? DON’T BURN YOUR WIZARD CALORIES!!?!?”

I like when magic can’t do EVERYTHING, when it’s consistent or limited in some way, but I do hate the idea that it’s this predictable. Food energy becomes raw magical power. I GUESS.

(A little later)

Screaming at the suggestion Thorn can tell when Murtagh is horny.

I don’t like the euphemisms. It makes it worse

The fact he can’t talk to his dragon whenever they’re “too far apart” (distance never specified) is making me insane. Why did I pick up the dragon riding book if it’s mostly about leaving your dragon locked up at the bike rack

I know Thorn is basically a rescue dog with anxiety, but it bothers me how much he’s left on his own. The narrative just has no idea what to use him for other than speedy transport for the first um… 200 pages, it seems? He’s meant to be his own creature with his own intelligence. He doesn’t go anywhere without Murtagh though. So what is he doing all the time

I think Paolini WANTS his world to be big and mysterious (his introduction literally just keeps saying things in the world of the story are mysterious) but he HAS to keep explaining everything

24 November 2023

I’ve figured out something that annoys me about the world of this book, in terms of just how the worldbuilding is not actually that magical. It has the D&D problem!!! Which is to say that every regular person on earth is Level One and every important character is like, level 12. And part of what makes that even worse is that all women in this world are level zero.

I’ve been watching my friend Chris play the first Alan Wake game and we realised that all the faceless enemies that are possessed by Evil in the game are… working class men. The protagonist is this literate wealthy New York writer who is constantly killing faceless workers—farmers, loggers, coal miners, builders. And that’s not an INTENTIONAL commentary by the game, but it’s very revealing. And This book is the same in that: there is no such thing as a complicated poor person. They’re all either Dirty Evil or Dirty Good. Murtagh is going around, writing poetry in his head and inventing magical computer code, and then every child is an urchin who is like Oi Guvnah, and every dad is gruff, and every woman is worried.

The language used to describe everyone who isn’t a Fighting Man is so demeaning. And even then, we only need to respect the leaders of those men. The leaders are the only ones with depth who might need to be taken seriously.

It’s like Murtagh has a tally in his head where he is going “finally, a guy who is level 6”!

Most people in this world exist to deliver information to the protagonist.

Paolini either thinks his readers are too dumb to understand that his characters exist between scenes, or he doesn’t understand himself that we don’t need to see every time Murtagh enters a city under a new name and how he does it. Or know what he ate for dinner and how he prepared it and where he slept and what he dreamed and, and, and—

It’s weird because Paolini is being self indulgent as fuck but it is NOT fun to read. This dude really just needs to go write a survival story or something… A guy in the woods depending on nothing but his wits and his axe and his beard and his libertarian values

I don’t understand the stakes at play. All the magic scenes with Mind Penetration are so sudden and hard to actually understand as action. And the way it works is about brute force, so the dragon is not going to be at risk of being taken over except by another, even bigger dragon

It would be fun to read the Murtagh city sleuth segments if Thorn was backseat driving a little. I think that their bond should not get thinner over distance. The fact that it does just defeats the point of a magical bond.

Why does the dragon have to stay so far away? Like… it’s established that there’s a spell to conceal a dragon from sight. Dude. You could just go fucking invisible

There’s so many decisions that just are so bonkers to have made. The whole fetch quest for information pissed me off so bad. “You have to join the guard” (40 pages of emotions about uniforms ensue). This guy learned about plots from video games

Paolini had kids apparently, but you can tell he doesn’t really understand kids. “How do they all start out so innocent and pure,” says a man who has never heard a seven year old describe someone being killed by farts before.

The description of Murtagh carrying a cat that doesn’t want to be carried is very funny. I don’t know if Paolini has ever carried a cat before. If you’re carrying a cat that doesn’t want to be carried close to your chest, and you tighten your grip when it squirms… say goodbye to your nipples, my man

It’s strange how much Paolini doesn’t explore the things that seem to be the point. FOR EXAMPLE, the fantasy soul bond trope loves to say “even during sex!??! 👀” because it’s about INTIMACY, and some alien presence always being there. The dragon rider trope is popular because dragons are powerful and wise but also Beasts. Magic is fun to read about because it can do things that can’t be explained.

Paolini’s world is big, but nothing in it has any real substance. Nothing in it has any real consequence, and it makes it impossible to really invest in anything that happens. None of these poor city folks have a life once they leave the scene of delivering Murtagh information… or if they are a woman, delivering him a hot meal. There’s no sense of a world that exists outside Murtagh’s point of view!

25 November 2023

The towns so far don’t feel at all distinctive to me! I was interested in the one with the massive lake, but then it having this massive fish in it was the only point of interest. It would be fun to have been like “oh the fish has ruined our summer festival! It’s ruined the nobility pleasure cruises! It’s also eating fishermen!” Or “Why do all these fishing boats have huge spikes on the prow? Well,”

Again, these guys are all level one in peasant dirt town. They have no capacity for individual thought and no ability to adapt.

It’s like Paolini doesn’t know what makes people and places in fantasy feel distinct, or have culture. It’s so evident in how much he HASN’T thought about. For example, the bonkers amount of restrictive gender norms that he doesn’t seem AT ALL CONSCIOUS OF? Everyone who died in the war was A Man. No women died in the war. But that hasn’t resulted in any social changes. There aren’t more women doing work, for example, like being fishermen

I remember being thirteen or so and reading the bit in the second book where Arya explains to Eragon that she’s better and stronger than a human woman, because she is an elf, so Eragon doesn’t have to worry about her in battle. I was this kid there like “man, that sucks. I assume he’s coming back to that assumption later,” and… he never did. He still hasn’t. And that sucks

The dragon riders were not THAT long ago, in the world of these books. It makes me wonder—were none of them human women? I always assumed that some were human women, but… did dragons only choose elf men, elf women, and human men? If they chose human women, then even being accepted into a paramilitary dragon force didn’t change gender expectations in the rest of the world. What the fuck. He’s really never thought about this.

Women keep showing up as cunning-mysterious, as humble dirtmothers, or as innocent children. Oh my god I’m just describing maiden mother crone. That’s all he’s capable of.

I just got up to where he rescues the werecat baby (innocent girl child) and settles in to hear the stories of elder werecat (cunning-mysterious)

I noticed the Arya Problem with how Nasuada is described in this book, too. Every woman has to be the best, most capable, most powerful woman ever, to be worth the attention of The Boys. Otherwise they can’t respect her. Only two literal queens can be considered worthy of just two average guys who got pet lizards. Even then, they’re not actual equals.

“She still empathised for me.” Yes, don’t worry, Murtagh, I remember that’s what women are for.

I should note that the reason Nasuada is considered so powerful and so much worthy of his love and is her strength as a person. This is proven in the Eragon books because “she still empathised” with Murtagh whilst he was medieval torturing her. He was medieval torturing her for like… most of a book and that’s how they fell in love. Because she could see in his eyes that this guy torturing her… was Complicated. He didn’t really WANT to be medieval torturing her so she actually felt worse for him than he felt about how he was (and I can’t stress this enough) medieval torturing her

I just can’t imagine that THE QUEEN OF A WHOLE CONTINENT would still prefer the guy who sadly tortured her. He’s her top preference. Out of EVERY OTHER MAN IN THE WORLD

I put the book down until the day before I was meant to have finished the book for book club:

10 March 2024: from page 274 onwards

The evil witch is called BACHEL?????!!?!??!? Fucking BACHEL. Pronounced “buh-SHELL”, the guide at the back says. You changed one letter in Rachel, don’t lie to me Paolini

I got so mad being reminded the evil king Galbatorix was defeated by “Eragon forcing empathy upon him” so that he magically exploded himself out of guilt that I had to put the book down and complain to Charlie for five straight minutes

I guess that’s why Galbatorix made Murtagh torture Nasuada for him. He knew that if he’d done it himself she would have empathised with him too hard and he would’ve exploded himself

Murtagh has never met a single person he has respected. Murtagh is the specialest boy in all the land. Eragon had to leave the country because they were both too special to share a continent

Murtagh decided on where to go and he was immediately surrounded by armed guards who took him to where the plot was

Paolini uses the fucking word “admixed” while discussing EATING A PIE. The flavours admixed in his mouth. Just because you know a word… doesn’t mean it’s a word to deploy about eating a pie

I HATE how the only people strong enough to do the strongest magic are Elves Or Human Riders. It’s fucking magic my guy! Why is it checking your goddamn DNA! Also, hey! Wasn’t it supposed to come down to the strongest wizards being the guys who ate the most for lunch?

In a world of Magic how come every wizard battle ultimately comes down to who is a better Professor X?? I came here for fireballs, not Mind Battles. I don’t care about your Mental Wards

Hahaha Murtagh!!! Get trapdoored, bitch!!!!

Dragon panic attacks: conceptually cool but a bit ?? Like ah… the plot literally comes to scoop him up and carry him away. Yet again something outside of Murtagh makes a decision for him about what to do next

Murtagh’s poetry is going to make me explode myself like Galbatorix in book 4

If there’s something I like about this book so far it’s just the bits where he and Thorn are camping. Not flying, because then Murtagh is using the time to think and that’s horrible. The bits where they make campfires or whatever feel like something is actually happening. A guy and his dragon hanging out

Man. The way this novel is plotted really reminds me that it’s not actually that hard to write a book.

Murtagh goes to the evil village (oh yeah there’s an evil village. It is where Bachel lives. She is evil because she does magic without using the magic language). The village is called:

NAL GORGOTH

But I couldn’t remember this so I kept referring to it in my head by another, more familiar, name

Murtagh is so freaked out by finding a village with architecture that he doesn’t recognise. He’s like “My god!!! Nasuada has to be warned!!!” Ok but about what??? New ways of building pillars???? The art deco movement threatens the land??

Kinda fascinated by how much this village represents a threat to CULTURE. The architecture, the people… Everything about it so far is designed to be A Foreign Threat. The inhabitants are Of All Races (except elves they are too cool too pure etc). The humans have A VARIETY OF SKIN COLOURS, which memorably never happens in Alagaesia, a continent once explicitly described in the Eragon books as only having two (2) black people on it at all (then one died) (the other is Nasuada) (the one who died was her dad)

This guy with a goatee isn’t quite human. He is maybe part urgal and he is so uncomfortable to look at! Mainly he has arms that are a bit too long!! Bachel isn’t a human and also isn’t an elf, and that’s also deeply unsettling.

Bachel also fundamentally represents a threat to THE STRUCTURING POWER OF LANGUAGE, huh??

Bachel is so far the most interesting character in the book!

Bachel has: ALMOND EYES and AMBER SKIN

Murtagh is so upset and confused when Bachel calls him “my son” like… I’m cryign. “But she’s not my mother! I know my mother!!” he thinks, in a panic.

If this was a fantasy novel written twenty to thirty years ago, then the sexual tension between Murtagh and Bachel would be absolutely insane. Alas, this is a world of abstinence, and sexuality is only ever meaningful looks between a queen and the guy who tortured her (it is weird how he keeps caressing Nasuada’s face on the gold coins)

It’s very funny that Bachel has specifically fourteen warriors. The prose keeps telling us that there’s fourteen of them. So you get Murtagh stepping forwards and then sentences like “the fourteen warriors attending Bachel shifted”

She seems like a perfectly normal cult leader to me? Why is she automatically a threat to Nasuada! How come the two of them can’t arrange a toxic political marriage that becomes… something more 😉😉😉

Nothing annoys me more in this book than Murtagh being able to identify specific vintages of wine. It keeps happening and it pisses me off

Bachel is a half elf!!! “It had never occurred to him that such a thing might be possible.” This is truly and absolutely unbelievable to me. Nobody in this world ever has sex

How did it take so long to get to such an objectively cool village!!! Like this is just a cool place!!! Sorry that Nar Nar Goon is evil but like FINALLY something has style

Three thoughts at once:

I’m so bored that Paolini’s mind can’t get more interesting than temple virgins, let alone wearing white to represent ritualistic purity. Like… nobody in this world fucks anyway, why does it matter!

Murtagh should also wear white all the time

Lesbianism doesn’t count as a violation of being temple chosen. Alín is wearing lesbianism

Paolini has never once written a woman who is Normal. He just can’t conceive of it. You can feel how he starts sweating.

Murtagh finally realised it was a cult. What sets it apart as a cult is that the followers appear to be “half-wits” to him

I’m going to detransition to break his fucking neck

Paolini has learned nothing since he had a woman deliver the exact same line in like 2008. The fact that another editor just thumbsed this up. The fact that this is in a book published in 2023. Well, now I’m REALLY embarking on an antagonistic reading: that’s right, I am reading women as capable.

Obsessed with Bachel. She is a girlboss and I’m a feminist xxx

Book is constantly weird about how much she is capable of eating and drinking at her feasts and how it makes her appear swollen and bloated etc etc. Murtagh is so weirded out by this because he feels it is unfeminine… as though she is not a witch and we weren’t told earlier that how much magic you have is directly equal to how much you eat. (Meanwhile he is only picking at his food and eating just enough of it ‘to be polite’ as though this is not making a decision to have less magic than her)

She has so much charisma compared to anyone else in the book. If my choices are her or Murtagh then sign me up boys!!!

Okay but much like how this would’ve been a VERY charged relationship 30 years ago, I’m weirdly disappointed Bachel she isn’t not described as megahot? Like the book keeps telling me about this virginal templemaiden or whatever, because Murtagh is only attracted to women he can rescue. But I’m actually just like… I think this woman is hot. Tell me more about her. It’s wild that this book is written by a guy like Paolini, who told me all about Oromis’ pubic hair in 2008, and who barely thinks women are people. Yet he doesn’t want to discuss her tiddies?

This book could, and should! have started when Murtagh landed his dragon in the evil village of Nar Nar Goon. That’s the point that stuff got actually interesting. Everything before this was literally video game fetch quest logic plotting that earned him the right to fly to Nar Nar Goon.

Boar hunt. More like BORED hunt. And then suddenly there are so many pigs, a comical number of them flying everywhere

This motherfucker using the phrase “the boar was lying athwart him” in a sentence in an action scene????

Murtagh is nearly dead and the boar is lying athwart him?

I’m going back in time and bullying the author at school

RIP Murtagh, trambled to death by 30-50 wild hogs

Oh god every time someone knocks Murtagh out he has a vision or a bad dream or a flashback or whatever and it’s so tiring

“EXISTENCE WAS A TOMB WHEREIN THE SINS OF THE PAST LAID INTERRED???” Do you ever read a sentence that sounds so much like the author is jerking it? “All had been lost, and there before him lay the instrument of their destruction” he is furiously jerking it oh my god. “Destroyer of hope, eater of light” oh, god, he’s still going

…This book is. Weird about mothers

Murtagh flies into a rage because Bachel mercy killed a guy who was dying bc of boar trampling because “I COULD HAVE HEALED HIM!!!!!” And the mercy killing is proof it is a cult. Because doing it Bachel’s way meant the guy was too relaxed and at peace when he died

Paolini’s family were in a cult, as I understand. So it’s kind of weird how much he doesn’t really understand how being in a cult works

I don’t really remember how religion works in this world, but I do remember tuning out of a long boring passage in book 2 or 3 where Eragon learned about all the gods and decided he was an atheist. It’s especially weird to be like “holy shit, an EVIL religion??!” In a book where religion has absolutely never come up before now

Oh my god, Alìn was whipped for being ‘too familiar’ with Murtagh!!! That’s because she’s so pure and a helpless victim girl in all white :’((

In my mind Bachel and Alìn COULD be in a fucked up lesbian relationship with bad BDSM etiquette. Of course Paolini can’t imagine a world where women have enough personality or agency to fall in toxic love with each other. Also even though he has people tied up and strapped down and whipped and being tortured etc in every book don’t think he knows that BDSM like. Exists. Boooooo

Murtagh: killing one guy who is dying of a punctured lung is the ultimate evil!

Also Murtagh: I know an invisibility spell, but to sneak out of my room I am going to suffocate seven men to death

Genuinely upsetting to read those men dying. He made it impossible for air to enter or exit their lungs with a word. Veins popping clawing at faces etc. God, what a way to go. So unnecessarily cruel. Yep, there goes the good guy

The main way the village is evil is that there are unsettling carvings everywhere. Paolini read some Lovecraft, but he did not understand what was up with it. Or maybe he did, because this book did get a lot more weird about Racial Purity once Murtagh arrived in Lovecraft Village

11 March 2024

There’s a bloodstain that “filled Murtagh with the apprehension of evil” and it confused me because these books are so gory. Earlier he killed four men with a fork. But like oh yeah I guess it’s because when Murtagh murders people now it’s bloodless. I guess. His murders are good you see

This chapter is called The Bad Sleep-Well you can tell Paolini thought he was a real genius for this one

Okay but why are there bats… roosting… in a cave… at night. And why is Murtagh worried that red light will risk waking them? Animals cannot see red light?? SOME FARM BOY YOU ARE, PAOLINI

Okay I have to stop nitpicking. I have to restrain myself until my Vyvanse kicks in

“Murtagh felt a sense of not just age but antiquity. Whoever had built the stairs had done so long before Alagaesia had been a settled place. What was it Bachel had said? That the cultists had lived in Nal Gorgoth since before elves were elves... He was starting to think she had told the truth.”

Sorry uhhhh, Alagaesia was settled?? When they talk about The Grey Ones, are they talking about a race PRIOR TO COLONISATION?????????

“He continued forward. Deeper into the womb of the earth. Deeper into the black unknown, seeking, seeking, always seeking a farther shore, every sense razor-sharp and razor-scraped, skin all goosefleshed, cold sweat dripping down the back of his neck and gathering around his belted waist.”

God it’s so overwrought...

He found the well!!

Oh my god. The well is a natural magic hotspot and that means it “wasn’t the sort of thing that the Draumar ought to have dominion over.” It’s a natural resource???

“Not that he would want Du Vrangr Gata to assume control over such an important location either. This was exactly what the Riders had been created for: to oversee and mediate that which could destabilize the land.”

Murtagh is going to bring democracy to the Middle East

He’s too scared to mentally contact his dragon with Bachel around. If he was a proper horse girl he would find a way

Oh Galbatorix BECAME evil because he met Bachel and she manipulated him. Haha oh dear. No, you can’t just come to the conclusion the dragon rider paramilitary force who controls the resources are bad on your own. Not just because they sent you into the mountains when they knew it was dangerous and wanted to find out if you’d be killed up there! No, a manipulation had to have happened

It’s funny to me that the evil ancient witch queen who lives in seclusion in the mountains uses the new name for the city of Uru’baen. Oh no, she knows it as Ilirea. She’s hundreds and hundreds of years old. You know what that is? Evidence of Find And Replace, to me.

Bachel’s eyes are “glowing with fevered ecstasy.” I could make her feel that way. Also. Because, I know about sex

Always with the fucking passing out at the end of the chapter for Christopher James Paolini

NOW Bachel is being described appropriately as a hottie. FINALLY. GOD! It only took Murtagh being mind controlled in his brain but I. I!!! I could see the glorious light of truth!!

“He followed, dumb and wildered.” Well, not as much as that sentence. (You can be bewildered. But can you ever just be wildered????)

The dedication to making Murtagh the most pitiful little meow meow in existence in the Galbatorix flashbacks I’m… what happened to the joys of a guy who is evil because he was convinced or was tricked, not because he was fully brain abused???

The Urgals are racially… uncomfortable. Yellow eyes and Murtagh just straight up saying “how do you speak English”

The evil guys have masks and they put them on and like channel the animals the masks are of and on one hand it’s an idea I THINK is cool but also combined with the everything it really has this “tribal stuff is threatening” vibe all over it

“What do you want, witch?”

“I want you.”

Obsessed with how he’s shackled to a table and there’s still an incredible lack of sexual energy to this scene. This is like a day at the office for both of them.

… oh, but she is wearing claws and claws DOES equal a threat of penetration. Maybe a little sexual? As a treat??

Him being tortured reminds him of torturing Nasuada. Wow, it was their first date!

It’s just like. It’s fucked up imo. She should never kiss you Murtagh!!!

Is anything more boring than a torture scene.

Also, was he not drugged right before this scene? How is he able to mentally evade her and power his wards etc?

I’m mad that when he’s brought fancy foods by Alìn he doesn’t share his food with Ubek the Urgal

Oh my god Ubek tells him a story where the moral is just him outright saying at the end, “it’s important to stay close to the people we care for, even if we don’t always fit in so easily” lmao. Subtlety of a mallet

Is anything more boring than a torture scene? How about a torture chapter!!!1!1!1!

This chapter is interminable. Oh my god.

Oh, so we did all that and he gives in I guess. I can’t believe how little agency this man has had throughout this book????

Haha oh my god, Bachel is studying his nude and compliant body in front of her court. Telling him to turn around so she can inspect his back (no mention of his ass even though it is out, tragic). Fucking love it. Now that’s bdsm. Pledging my allegiance to her instantly.

I am BORED. I liked when he was at least doing things of his own volition!

He flies his dragon off on Bachel’s orders and we get the line “Never had air smelled so… so… delicious.” Cryign

GASP he’s killed… CHILDREN!!!!!!! I hate how it only becomes horrifying for him to have done these murders once he realises they’re HUMAN children. Urgal children? The implication is that would’ve been a bit tacky but ultimately fine

Prison brothers blood pact. I feel so little about this. Ubek is 5000x more interesting than Murtagh but he’s been slotted into what is unfortunately a sort of magical indigenous person trope but where instead of being a human being, he is an orc. Which makes the whole trope much worse

Murtagh touched Alìn’s face… gasp! She’s been corrupted by the Touch Of A Man!!!!! (I do not care about this.)

(I care a little. For example she didn’t touch HIM. He just reached out and she didn’t pull away. This is the biggest decision about this character’s life, and she isn’t even allowed to be the one who makes it. He decides on her behalf, and she must be okay with it. Because she doesn’t pull away or fight him off.)

(Also Paolini doesn’t seem to be aware that ‘a woman who has been pledged not to be touched by a man’ would um. USUALLY be understood by a reader as euphemistic. Not that her purity could be forever ruined by a man literally just touching her face)

The way Paolini fills Murtagh’s brainwashed dialogue with oops all ellipses makes me want to tear the book apart with my teeth

Worst: how Grieve the guy who is part urgal is perpetually referred to as “heavy-browed.” “the heavy-browed Grieve” I’m sorry but I missed phrenology school, is that bad??

Also if he’s maybe part Urgal but Murtagh is now given a chance to making it clear that some of his best friends are urgals... Why is Grieve so distastefully described? What’s wrong with being half urgal? My suspicion: it’s the bloodlines intermingling

I suspect I can just skip every fucking dream sequence and flashback. Nothing of any value in these

This one guy, Lyreth, who trapdoored Murtagh for 2.5 seconds ages ago in the book, is TWICE referenced as holding/ touching the waists of “village” or “cultist” women in his dialogue tags. That’s the full extent of it. It’s not that there’s a giggling tavern girl sprawled in his lap while he’s speaking. These faceless women are exclusively sketched into existence by how a named male character’s hand is on their waist. We don’t know anything about how they are responding to his touch, which is extra in-your-face considering that Murtagh just obliterated a woman’s ritual purity by touching her face without asking. And it’s only ever these women’s waist. It’s not their hips or thighs or boobs. He’s not kissing their necks. I’m sure in Paolini’s mind this guy touching women’s waists is meant to read as sexual, which is supposed to reinforce that he’s a scumbag… but it doesn’t work because it’s so impersonal. These women are just… unmoving waists that he is just touching. It serves as a good illustration of how women—and sex and sexuality and bodies—are handled in these books. Men are never ruled by their strong and muscular bodies. Men have minds, and magic, and telepathy battles. Even when Murtagh is on a torture table or when he’s naked in front of a powerful woman who is actively inspecting his body, he doesn’t feel vulnerable. He doesn’t have an ass or a dick. The wind doesn’t make him shiver. He’s just a Mind. But women, well. They only have bodies when men touch them. The course of Alin’s life is defined by Murtagh’s touch, and even Nasuada, a fucking queen, only gets physical description via the coins Murtagh has in his possession and his memory of the cuts and bruises he left on her body. And women also have no minds—unless they’re werecats or elves or half elves, the only kind of woman who are remotely threatening, the only kind of women who are “as good as” the baseline of human men. Nasuada is proven as Murtagh’s equal because she was able to overcome the torture of her body. If he hadn’t tortured her, or if she had broken down, she wouldn’t have proven herself worthy of being his romantic partner.

Eragon’s romantic interest also started out being tortured. Not by him, but “girl who is tortured but is too strong to give up her secrets” was her entire characterisation for a book and a half, until he rescued her. That’s uh. That’s how you find girlfriends who are good enough for your protagonists.

THESE FUCKING BOOKS.

Bachel has put Thorn in a special wrought iron muzzle. Yet again, this is just objectively cool

We learn about who the cult worships: evil dragon underground. He makes fumes come out of the earth and they brainwash people and give them visions. He will come out of the ground and eat the sun unless every living thing worships him.

Really Bachel is not leading a cult she is leading an environmental rescue mission. Quick we gotta get everyone to worship this evil dragon STAT, or he’s going to wipe out all life on earth.

Why does an evil dragon living under the earth with the power to eat the sun (?!??!) actually want or need to be worshipped by “every living thing”. What is his motivation?? And why would that stop him eating the sun?

“The sculptures would have horrified most any artist in Alagaesia, no matter their race.” Mark this down as one of the worst sentences he has written yet!!

I realise now I’ve been misremembering multiple main characters’ names

I like Bachel telling Thorn to stay, like he’s a dog. That’s good to me

Murtagh is learning about the power of friendship to heal himself last minute, I guess

Why is Murtagh pausing to duel fucking Lyreth, the most boring man in the world. Is it because of the waists he touched??? I have never felt this man was worth any time at all

NOT Paolini specifically pointing out that Lyreth “smelled of a cloying peach scented perfume” and that he’s physically weaker than Murtagh as Murtagh overcomes him. Lyreth was too feminine to be strong, in the end

This book is obsessed with the word “youngling.” Murtagh says to Thorn “don’t kill any younglings.” He’s fighting Lyreth but he’s not worried because he himself is “no longer a youngling”. Fucking fuck off! just say youth. Child. Kid. Teenager even!! Come on!!

Murtagh going “this is taking too long” in the duel: me at the whole book thus far

“Is wrong-think to worship Bachel or Azlagur,” says Ubek. This is real dialogue in a book published in real 2023. Oh yeah btw everything he says is written like this

Oh, the urgal’s size and brute strength makes him Murtagh’s equal. I see

Grieve is legitimately yelling “kill the non-believers!!” and calling them desecrators??? Cartoon hours

To start winning the fight, all Murtagh had to do was find his magic sword! It stores all his potency and he inherited it from his father. Freud?? Don’t worry about it

The cultists are bleeding green blood???? Does this mean they’re not human or is it the lighting or what.

Groups of dragons are always being described as a Thunder Of. They’re only ever being described in visions but it’s always being described as “a thunder of dragons”, because Paolini is very proud of inventing his very own collective noun for dragons I guess

Buncha little pasty freaks showing up.

Murtagh’s ultimate challenge: he has to fight one hundred gollums

Paolini inventing new guys for his dungeon at unprecedented rates

Murtagh is legitimately busy trying to think of new names for his sword NOW?? He is just going to stop in the middle of this urgent fight to go find where the bad woman (Bachel) took the good woman (Alìn) to go “my sword has a bad name. It could have a good name.” Did he not have time while he was mouldering in the dungeon to think about this

He’s checking his compendium, like in video games.

Books have never been worse. If Murtagh/Paolini calls this sword Scar I will legitimately never know peace

Oh the sword is called Freedom now. Get it? Like America? It’s the most important value??

“Seeing the armor, Murtagh realized that the leather garb the cultists had donned for the festival of black smoke had been made to resemble Bachel's fantastic suit.”

what a sentence

This is the worst

I hate how her spear has a name and a dramatic history. Like come on

Fucking mind battles again

Alin is just… I’m sorry to her, but she’s not a real person. She’s a cardboard cutout in distress

The final boss fight should not be taking place in the magical world of the mind

Now she’s calling him “infidel?” Okay

The ultimate battle: the structuring power of masculine language versus the primeval chaos of raw women’s emotion!!! Who will win!! Hint: Christopher Paolini wrote this!

“She seemed merely a woman again.”

‘Merely’ is how Paolini always describes women (when he thinks they’re worth describing of course)

Wait… is the only reason Bachel has been intimidating REALLY just because she’s been channelling a tough evil boy dragon? Once the mask is gone and he’s not empowering her… she’s merely…

I’m going to kick Christopher Paolini’s fucking ass

Murtagh feels so emotionally close to Bachel. As he splits her skull. Normal book

For real why were ALL the Riders so afraid of Bachel??? The gas fumes? Face masks not invented?? This seems pretty easy to solve like if they’d just. Sent more than one guy?

He passes out and the chapter ends of course. Then he wakes up in the city

Ah, Alin is blonde and blue eyed. She was a pale skinned virgin who needed rescuing from an evil and also foreign almond eyed amber skinned woman who was whipping her. You know how it goes

I hate how Alìn always calls Murtagh “my lord.” She’s like one of those medieval fighting game banners of a sexy woman. She’s a cartoon.

Isn’t it a shame that when Murtagh hastily gets out of bed to bow to Nasuada he is wearing pants. So much funnier if he wasn’t

I’m so over this book holy shit

Oh, for being the apparently only sole survivor of Murtagh’s obliteration of her cult and everything she’s ever known, Alìn is being promoted to… Nasuada’s maid. That’s not what she asked for. That’s just what she’s being told she’s going to do from now on. Fucking hell.

Nasuada is Jealous of this blonde woman and I was afraid for her because Nasuada is also famously the only black woman on the continent. But of course she has nothing to fear because only the most powerful woman in the land could ever be remotely Murtagh’s equal, which she proved by being stronger at being tortured than him

She asks him to stay and she touches his hand just lightly

The END??

They don’t even kiss?!!!?!! I had to read it twice to be sure. SEXLESS BOOK.

#how do I tag this. probs not in the official tag right #Murtagh: Don’t Read It!!!#DONT READ IT #I can’t believe how much money Christopher Paolini is worth… I also can’t believe he managed to father two children #man doesn’t know what women children OR sex are. how did he manage to solve that equation twice over

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