#the need to force trans experiences into the cis man/cis woman binary is a form of exorsexism

[genderkoolaid]

i think trans-affirming cisfeminism's problem is that it views trans people as a way of analyzing cis gender relations, so trans women are going from the status of cis men to cis women, & trans men vice-versa. there is no appreciation for "trans" as its own status, because that would require viewing transphobia as something the patriarchy does on purpose instead of like. something it trips into on its quest to oppress cis women exclusively. and this is also why by and large feminism (including trans feminists) has fucked sucked at talking about NB/GQ people's experiences without binarizing them

#m. #honestly i think understanding all of the different versions of transphobia #are vital to understanding transphobia holistically #like the idea that that trans people are patriarchal bycatch is very similar #to the idea that trans men are never targeted on purpose & only experience ''misdirected'' oppression #the need to force trans experiences into the cis man/cis woman binary is a form of exorsexism #i think a lot more has been said abt transmisogyny but the idea of trans people as being acceptable victims of #violence bc we arent ''real women'' or ''real men'' #something something this is why: #transunity

[machine-saint]

In the years since Whipping Girl was published, the term “trans-misogyny” has taken on a life of its own, and people now use it in ways that I never intended. Specifically, I used the term to describe how the existence of societal misogyny/traditional sexism greatly informs how people perceive, interpret, or treat gender-variant people who seemingly “want to be female” or “want to be feminine” (regardless of their actual identity). However, many people nowadays use the word “trans-misogyny” in an identity-based manner to refer to any and all forms of discrimination targeting trans women. According to this latter usage, some would argue that people who identify as men, or male crossdressers, or drag queens, cannot possibly experience trans-misogyny—a close reading of Whipping Girl will reveal that I very much disagree with this premise. (See Chapter 48 of this book for a detailed explanation regarding why identity-based views of marginalization tend to be inaccurate and exclusive.)

--Julia Serano (emphasis mine)

this doesn't mean that Serano thinks that TME/TMA are bad terms (she doesn't use them herself but finds that there is a core justifiable thought there)

compare also her essay on cissexism (a term that sadly seems to have fallen out of vocabulary) and the difference between "decentering the dominant group" and "reverse discourse":

In other words, cissexism is part of an overarching system that (along with other forms of sexism) works to keep all people in their place. Thus, any person can face cissexism.

Take, for instance, an otherwise cisgender man who never had a gender-variant thought in his life. If he were to suddenly, on a whim, decide to wear a dress to work, he would very likely face cissexist ridicule and harassment on his way to his job, and possibly even get fired from his job as a result. If an otherwise cisgender woman who never had a gender-variant thought in her life decided that she was tired of plucking all the hairs on her chin and upper lip (which a considerable number of women experience), she would surely face cissexist reactions and comments once her facial hair grows out. In fact, cissexism (or at least the threat of it) is the force behind both the low level gender anxiety faced by cisgender people who worry that they will be perceived as insufficiently feminine or masculine if they do “the wrong thing,” as well as the more severe forms of gender policing and punishment experienced by those of us who more regularly or blatantly transgress gender norms.

By no means does this decentering the binary perspective suggest that all people are equally hurt by societal cissexism. Clearly, some of us grapple with cissexism on a routine basis, while other people experience it infrequently and/or far less severely. But the decentering approach does encourage us to challenge all expressions of cissexism, regardless of who the perpetrator or target is.

and so I don't think we have to throw away the terms TMA/TME entirely, but we do need to use the terms in a way that doesn't suggest that only people with certain identities can be TMA; i think a cis man who wears dresses and skirts as his usual attire could very well be TMA depending on the reaction of the society he's in!

#discourse

[triple-a-aro]

I've been chatting with some other transmascs as of late that has led to some very interesting conversations! Namely, I recently had to really think about the concept of transmisogyny being an "inverse" to transandrophobia and why I don't really mesh with that.

We all agree that cis men and cis women have experiences that are fundamentally different from each other, right? And neither of those experiences are an inverse to each other because of the nature of life experience, so that makes it non-comparable in most situations because cis men do not typically experience misogyny in the way that cis women experience it.

So why are we applying this binary to trans men and trans women? There is this centering of a "who has it worse" argument in transandrophobia discourse, but like...

I don't think, even if "x has it worse" was a valid idea*, that trans women and trans men have comparable experiences at all.

There is no who has it worse because the experiences are so fundamentally different. Trans women might experience sexualization in the form of fetishizing the idea of a woman with a penis, but trans men might experience sexualization in the form of "tomboy" or the idea of a masculine "woman". Those two things are not comparable in the slightest because they're fundamentally different forms of bigotry.

So we would want to apply the label transmisogyny to illustrate that the hypothetical trans woman was fetishized for her genitalia - So why is it a problem if we wish to apply the label to transandrophobia to the hypothetical trans man for his experience of sexualization?

Neither labels imply a more severe experience, just a difference. *Arguing about which group has it worse implies that there is a limited amount of caring/empathy from outside forces that we need to appeal to. Some people think that caring about trans issues is a quota, and if someone talks over another then they're gonna get all the care quota - this is incorrect. As far as trans rights are concerned, we are all one group to the transphobes and to a lot of leftist spaces.

#transandrophobia #i guess just a think piece #do ask to tag this one #im being lazy with tagging lmao

[doberbutts]

I think part of the issue came when transsexual and gender non-conforming were merged under the trans umbrella. It has somehow led people to think you don't need to experience dysphoria in order to transition... like why would you go through all the surgeries, legal issues and possible social ostracization if you didn't have to?

That seems a little too much tbh. It leaves out a lot of people who have "transition treatments" who are not transitioning within the binary and people who have what would be regarded as an "incomplete" transition.

I do think that forcibly grouping everyone together has actually left some people out- I know a fairly large amount of people who consider themselves nonbinary but not transgender and have zero desire to transition and zero dysphoria. I know cis gay men and cis butch women who consider themselves cis but not men/women- specifically they consider themselves butch as a gender or femme as a gender- and some of them transition and some of them don't, but all of them would say "well my body is [sex] so that's what I fill out on medical forms". I know people who are what they call gender apathetic where, again, they'd say "my body is [sex] so sure I guess" but otherwise have no attachment to manhood or womanhood, some of which transition and some of which don't and none of which consider themselves transgender. They all liked the asterisk back when it was more common because it felt like a little nod to them without forcibly assigning them "transgender" when they were not.

Similarly I think the idea of the word "transsexual" falling out of common use when it was still used as an important distinction between someone who specifically wanted medical transition and someone who either didn't or couldn't and when there are still people today who use it to describe themselves was a mistake. That trans woman who mentored me did not refer to herself as transgender- she was a transsexual, helping a transgender kid (me) transition into being transsexual (aka start medically transitioning). She, like me, did not identify as a "trans" woman. She was simply a woman, who had transitioned from her birth sex to her true self.

I also think a lot of people do actually have dysphoria when they think they don't, either because they've gotten used to repressing or because they are in a supportive environment where they don't have to think about it. I feel it's evidenced by people who otherwise "don't have dysphoria" until someone deliberately misgenders them or until they are forced to really examine how comfortable they are being gendered a certain way.

I had this talk with a friend of mine who at the time identified as a cis butch and who asked me how I felt about the transmed/trender thing some years ago. I do think dysphoria is a driving force in a lot of transitions but I think a lot of people are so used to only labelling the extremes as dysphoria- people who are actively suicidal or self harming because they are in distress- rather than understanding that that behavior often starts as a general discomfort being forcibly gendered incorrectly (and often paired with the euphoria of being gendered correctly, and then oh god oh shit that's not normal repress repress repress) and only escalates from there when that person is not safe to examine that discomfort/elation and fix what's hurting them.

My friend took my words home with them, discussed it intensely with their wife... and now three years later both of them have come out as transgender, nonbinary, and one of them has had a few medical procedures. They discovered that the niggling feeling they had at being addressed as a woman, though they were content in their butchness, was actually dysphoria they hadn't realized was starting, and that seeing me, a binary trans man being happy and masc and loving the same butch rep they also grew up with because it spoke to me, was what gave them the euphoria to experiment and try. Now they're further than me!

This is actually not an uncommon track for a lot of trans men and a lot of trans mascs and I'm glad I could help them find some clarity. They were someone who "didn't have dysphoria" until I pointed a few things out. They were otherwise just GNC and very gay for their wife. We live in a transphobic, homophobic society. I think a lot of people have been forced to live in survival mode for so long that we get a lot of people recognizing their own mental distress because we don't have the ability to sit down and actually examine it. Look how many people figure out they're gay or bi way late in life because it was never safe for them to consider the possibility.

I know this ask is probably just bait to try and out me as either a transmed or a transtrender but I don't think either of those labels suit me. I've always been very live and let live with this type of thing, and I have friends all over the trans spectrum. I won't betray some just to uplift others, I got Loyal Bitch Disease like that. No one's journey is exactly the same, no one's experience with gender is exactly the same, and I think we should probably stop trying to police what members of our own community do to explore themselves and start trying to uplift those that need the help instead.

#one theme you'll find on this blog is that I'm very anti-label unless I feel strongly about said label #more nuance less black/white thinking plz

[tyrannuspitch]

Jumping off @kidrat​ ’s recent post on JKR, British transphobia, and transphobia against transmasculine people, after getting a bit carried away and too long to add as a comment:

A major, relatively undiscussed event in JKR’s descent into full terfery was this tweet:

[image id: a screenshot of a tweet from JK Rowling reading: “’People who menstruate.’ I’m sure there used to be a word for those people. Someone help me out. Wumben? Wimpund? Woomud?”

Rowling attaches a link to an article titled: “Opinion: Creating a more equal post-COVID-19 world for people who menstruate” /end id]

This can seem like a pretty mundane TERF talking point, just quibbling over language for the sake of it, but I think it’s worth discussing, especially in combination with the idea that cis women like JKR see transmasculine transition as a threat to their womanhood. (Recite it with horror: ”If I were young now, I might’ve transitioned...”)

A lot of people, pro- or anti-transphobe, will make this discussion about whether the term “woman” should include trans women or not, and how cis women are hostile to the inclusion of trans women. And that’s absolutely true. But the actual language cis women target is very frequently being changed for the benefit of trans men, not trans women, and most of them know this.

Cis people are used to having their identities constantly reaffirmed and grounded in their bodies. A lot of cis women, specifically, understand their social and physical identities as women as being defined by pain: misogynistic oppression is equated to the pains of menstruation or childbirth, and both are seen as the domain of cis women. They’re something cis women can bond over and build a “sisterhood” around, and the more socially aware among them can recognise that cis women’s pain being taken less seriously by medicine is not unrelated to their oppression. However, in the absence of any trans perspectives, these conversations can also easily become very territorial and very bioessentialist.

Therefore... for many cis women, seeing “female bodies” described in gender neutral language feels like stripping their pain of its meaning, and they can become very defensive and angry.

And the consequences for transmasculine people can be extremely dangerous.

Not only do transmasculine people have an equal right to cis women to define our bodies as our own... Using inclusive language in healthcare is about more than just emotional validation.

The status quo in healthcare is already non-inclusive. When seeking medical help, trans people can expect to be misgendered and to have to explain how our bodies work to the doctors. We risk harassment, pressure to detransition, pressure to sterilise ourselves, or just being outright turned away. And the conversation around pregnancy and abortion in particular is heaving with cisnormativity - both feminist and anti-feminist cis women constantly talk about pregnancy as a quintessentially female experience which men could never understand.

Using gender-neutral language is the most basic step possible to try and make transmasculine people safer in healthcare, by removing the idea that these are “women’s spaces”, that men needing these services is impossible, and that safety depends on ideas like “we’re all women here”. Not institutionally subjecting us to misgendering and removing the excuse to outright deny us treatment is, again, one of the most basic steps that can be taken. It doesn’t mean we’re allowed comfort, dignity or full autonomy, just that one major threat is being addressed. The backlash against this from cis women is defending their poorly developed senses of self... at the cost of most basic dignity and safety for transmasculine people.

Ironically, though transphobic cis women feel like decoupling “women’s experiences” from womanhood is decoupling them from gendered oppression, transmasculine people experience even more marginalisation than cis women. Our rates of suicide and assault are even higher. Our health is even less researched than cis women’s. Our bodies are even more strictly controlled. Cis women wanting to define our bodies on their terms is a significant part of that. They hold the things we need hostage as “women’s rights”, “women’s health”, “women’s discussions” and “support for violence against women”, and demand we (re-)closet ourselves or lose all of their solidarity.

Fundamentally, the problem is that transphobic cis women are possessive over their experiences and anyone who shares them. Because of their binary understanding of gender, they’re uncomfortable with another group sharing many of their experiences but defining themselves differently. They’re uncomfortable with transmasculine people identifying “with the enemy” instead of “with their sisters”, and they’re even more uncomfortable with the idea that there are men in the world who they oppress, and not the other way around. “Oppression is for women; you can’t call yourself a man and still claim women’s experiences. Pregnancy is for women; if you want to be a man so badly why haven’t already you done something about having a woman’s body? How dare you abandon the sisterhood while inhabiting one of our bodies?”

Which brings me back to the TERF line about how “If I were young now, I might have transitioned.”

I’m not saying Rowling doesn’t actually feel any personal connection to that narrative - but it is a standard line, and it’s standard for a reason. Transphobic cis women really believe that there is nothing trans men go through that cis women don’t. They equate our dysphoria to internalised misogyny, eating disorders, sexual abuse or other things they see as “female trauma”. They equate our desire to transition to a desire to escape. They want to “help us accept ourselves” and “save us” from threats to their sense of identity. The fact is, this is all projection. They refuse to consider that we really have a different internal experience from them.

There’s also a marked tendency among less overtly transphobic cis women, even self-proclaimed trans allies, to make transphobia towards trans men about cis women.

Violence against trans men is chronically misreported and redefined as “violence against women”. In activist spaces, we’re frequently told that any trauma we have with misogyny is “misdirected” and therefore “not really about us”. If we were women, we would’ve been “experiencing misogyny”, but men can’t do that, so we should shut up and stop “talking over women”. (Despite the surface difference of whether they claim to affirm our gender, this is extremely similar to how TERFs tell us that everything we experience is “just misogyny”, but that transmasculine identity is a delusion that strips us of the ability to understand gender or the right to talk about it.)

I have personally witnessed an actual N*zi writing an article about how trans men are “destroying the white race” by transitioning and therefore becoming unfit to carry children, and because the N*zi had misgendered trans men in his article, every response I saw to it was about “men controlling women’s bodies”.

All a transphobe has to do is misgender us, and the conversation about our own oppression is once again about someone else.

Transphobes will misgender us as a form of violence, and cis feminist “allies” will perpetuate our misgendering for rhetorical convenience. Yes, there is room to analyse how trans men are treated by people who see us as women - but applying a simple “men oppressing women” dynamic that erases our maleness while refusing to even name transphobia or cissexism is not that. Trans men’s oppression is not identical to cis women’s, and forcing us to articulate it in ways that would include cis women in it means we cannot discuss the differences.

It may seem like I’ve strayed a long way from the original topic, and I kind of have, but the central reason for all of these things is the same:

Trans men challenge cis women’s self-concept. We force them to actually consider what manhood and womanhood are and to re-analyse their relationship to oppression, beyond a simple binary patriarchy. 

TERFs will tell you themselves that the acknowledgement of trans people, including trans men, is an “existential threat” that is “erasing womanhood” - not just our own, but cis women’s too. They hate the idea that biology doesn’t determine gender, and that gender does not have a strict binary relationship to oppression. They’re resentful of the idea that they could just “become men”, threatened by the assertion that doing so is not an escape, and completely indignant at the idea that their cis womanhood could give them any kind of power. They are, fundamentally, desperate not to have to face the questions we force them to consider, so they erase us, deflect from us, and talk over us at every opportunity.

Trans men are constantly redefined against our wills for the benefit of cis womanhood.

TL;DR:

Cis women find transmasculine identity threatening, because we share experiences that they see as foundational to their womanhood

The fact that transphobes target inclusive language in healthcare specifically is not a mistake - They do not want us to be able to transition safely

Cis women are uncomfortable acknowledging transphobia, so they make discussion of trans men’s oppression about “womanhood” instead

This can manifest as fully denying that trans men experience our own oppression, or as pretending trans men’s experiences are identical to cis women’s in every way

#transphobia #transmasculinity #transandrophobia #this could maybe do with one more proofread but i've spent way too long on this so whatever!

[windsource]

for #spnprideweek day 1: coming out + flags

↳ summary: cas tells sam a secret that he hasn’t (really) told anybody else. surprisingly, sam has one too.  PRIDE series | gen, sam & cas | word count: 1.7k

[READ ON AO3]

Sam’s grimacing a little at the grease from the fries on Cas’ plate. Cas would usually make a comment, here, about Sam keeping his eyes on his own paper, or that it isn’t nearly as bad as the veggie burger sitting on his plate at Sam’s behest. This is the recompense, Cas wants to say, but his mouth is dry and no words are coming out even if he wants them to.

Accompanying the inability to speak is the twisting feeling in his gut that won’t even allow him to pick up the burger. The smell is too much, too, and Cas hates to admit it but it’s probably the grease, so he sits back a little against the peeling seat of the booth to calm his nerves.

It’s just Sam. He can do this. It’s only that this is the first time he’s telling anyone, and that definitely ups the stakes a little.

Well, that’s somewhat of a lie. Cas had told the nice woman at the grocery store check out last week when he’d seen her little pin on her work uniform and asked where he could get one. 

He hadn’t actually bought one, of course, but Cas eyed the small bin full of brightly colored pins on the way out, convincing himself it was stupid to get back in line again for something so small and inexpensive. Still, he’d thought about it on the drive back to the Bunker, and that night in his bed, and the full week following, up until now. 

Now, Sam was looking at him with concern, and wiping his mouth in that way that means he’s about to get serious.

“Is everything alright?” he asks, pointedly looking down at Cas’ loaded plate. He’d barely taken a bite, except for a few nibbles of his admittedly greasy fries. And it was weird because since becoming human, Cas' appetite had grown considerably, much to Dean's delight.

And—Dean. That's what this was all about, wasn't it? Sure, it was more than just Dean, it was all the humans that had made Cas' body ache like it hadn't before, had made him think of what it means to be in this vessel—his body—and be attracted to other...humans.

It was odd. In hindsight, things in Heaven had been so much easier in this regard. Cas had spent most of his life clueless to the capabilities of human attraction, and then he met Dean and it all came crashing down around him. Only then, Cas was ignoring it. He was facing the other way, because though he felt human, he wasn't. Not really.

But everything is different now.

Cas clears his throat.

"Well," he starts, "no. I am feeling what I believe you’d call...anxiety. My stomach hurts, I find I'm unable to eat, a-and my hands are—"

"Cas," Sam interrupts. Shaking. Cas' hands are shaking.

Sam's fully set his fork and knife down now, hands clasped together on the edge of the table. "Talk to me."

Cas licks his dry lips.

"It’s not...it isn’t a big deal, really,” and yet Cas can feel his heart hammering in his chest. He sucks in a breath. “But I’m, uh. I wanted to tell you that...I like men.”

Sam’s expression doesn’t change, but he blinks at Cas once from across the table.

“Okay.”

Cas raises an eyebrow, pulse slowing down a little with his next exhale. “Okay?”

Maybe it was that simple, and Cas was worrying over nothing. It’s just...this feels like it should be bigger. Earth-shattering. Like Sam should either hug him or tell him he never wants to speak to Cas again.

Instead, he just shrugs, picks up his fork and pushes bits of his salad around his plate.

But then Cas’ gaze moves to Sam’s face and...Sam’s frowning. Cas feels his heart thumping hard again, waiting for the ball to drop. It feels a little like when Dean sat him down to “talk,” right after he lost his powers, and, well. Cas knew how that had ended. He braces himself for the worst, schools his features to something more neutral.

“I’m,” Sam clears his throat, “I’m sorry you got nervous over all of that. I-I get that coming out is...” he laughs, “usually a bigger deal, but. You don’t have to worry with me, you know? I get it.”

That makes Cas pause. “You...do?”

Now Sam’s looking at him, eyes a little wide, but he works his jaw and gets the words out. “Yeah. Uh... well I guess now’s a good a time as any to tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

The fork is set back down again. The bell over the diner door jingles. 

“In college...you know about Jess,” Sam says, jogging Cas’ memory. He knows, so he nods and Sam continues, “Well we uh. We actually met in a Gender Studies class. I thought, ‘pff, easy A,’ but it was actually way more complex than I originally thought, so she kind of...tutored me.” Cas raises an eyebrow, and Sam rolls his eyes.

“Actually tutored me. Whatever. Point is, I learned a lot—‘cause she was a great teacher—and...not just about the class, but about myself, too.” 

Cas nods slowly, beginning to catch Sam’s drift. “Okay...”

Despite his tone, Sam’s posture stiffens a little, like he’s uncomfortable, or not really used to this type of conversation. Cas does his best to relax into his seat to ease him, unfolding his arms.

“What I’m saying is,” Sam shrugs, “I’m...not...cis. Like, I don’t....I’m not um, a guy, I guess. Well, sort of. I’m non-binary.”

Cas is silent for a second, mulling it over in his head. Eventually it becomes long enough for Sam to say, “Uh...you know what? You can forget it, man—”

“No!” Cas says, almost knocking over his plate in the process. The silverware clatters as it falls onto the table, and Sam flinches a little. “I was just thinking...I want to apologize if anything I’ve said about your gender has ever made you uncomfortable, or if you—”

Sam’s out-facing palm makes Cas stutter to a stop. There’s a weird guilt settling in the pit of his stomach, and the anxiety that he’d thought was gone is back full force again. Cas tears off a piece of his napkin.

“Cas, dude. Calm down,” Sam laughs. He takes a deep breath, and Cas follows his lead. They breathe in and out together for a beat, and when Cas feels fairly calmer, Sam pushes both of their plates aside.

“There’s no need to apologize for something you couldn’t have known about,” he starts, shaking his head a little, “and you haven’t done anything wrong, either. I still use he and him pronouns, and sometimes they and them. And besides, it’s not like I go around telling people. Especially with, uh, the way I was raised...I’ve been hesitant, you know? It was great in college, people were really supportive when I told them. But then when I started hunting again...I don’t know. 

“My dad...uh. I tried telling him, once. Didn’t go too well, so I didn’t try it again. I think that’s why Dean...” he shakes his head, frowning down at the table again. “It wasn’t easy, growing up the way we did. You could probably understand that.”

Cas nods. Under the table, his napkin is shredded into bits. 

“I do. I think, in a way, I also understand being trans.” Sam jerks their head up, intrigued. 

“Angels...we don’t experience gender the same way humans do. In fact, the concept is entirely nonexistent in Heaven. So, when we take vessels...”

“You’re essentially defining yourself,” Sam says in awe. It makes Cas smile to see them back in their element, leaning forward a little to listen better. “I never thought about it that way, not really.”

Cas shrugs. “I’m not sure all of my siblings did, either. Many chose according to which vessel would best suit them and their form. That was definitely a factor in me choosing Jimmy, but I also found the thought of looking like a human man...greatly appealing.”

Sam’s nodding now, gaze darting to different parts of the table. Cas knows that means they’re mentally crafting an essay right about now, or thinking of what books in the Bunker might further help in their research about it.

“Wow,” he says, “that’s—I mean. Wow, Cas. Thanks for telling me that. And uh, the other thing.”

“Oh. Thank you.”

There’s a comfortable silence between them now, and Cas takes it as an opportunity to sip from his slightly-melted iced tea. 

“So,” Sam starts again slowly, “have you told Dean?”

Cas sucks in another deep breath, and Sam nods. “Yeah,” he says, “me neither.”

It surprises Cas a little that Sam hasn’t told him, and he expresses that with an inquiring eyebrow. 

Sam purses his lips and dodges the unspoken question. “Dean’s not a bad guy. You probably know that better than anyone except me. You know he’d still love you if you told him.”

Cas’ heart pounds at the mention of the word. When Sam notices, he feels his ears begin to heat with a blush. 

“Oh,” Sam smiles, “that. I figured. For a while now, but I didn’t wanna say anything.”

Cas tries to will away the heat on his face. He doesn’t say anything, so Sam leaves it be.

The waitress gives them a worried look when she brings the check, eyeing their barely touched plates. They both smile apologetically, insisting that their food was “great” when she whisks it away.

On their way back home, Cas asks if Sam can stop at the store. They don’t ask anything more than, “we need groceries that bad?” and Cas dips inside. He knows this is just like any other grocery run—going in and out as quick as possible with the things they need—yet his heart hammers all the same when he stops in front of the bin near the door. The same employee from last week is working on lane six, and he’s sure to check out at that one with his goods. She gives him a knowing smile.

Cas flops into the passenger seat, a little out of breath.

“That was fast,” Sam starts to say, before noticing Cas’ lack of grocery bags. “Dude. What d’you buy, air?”

Instead, Cas brandishes two brightly colored pins. Sam tentatively takes the yellow, white, purple, and black one, eyes wide.

“For me?” they ask.

Cas smiles, running his thumb over the rainbow one in his hand. 

“For both of us,” he says.

[@spnprideweek]

#b*gen #bookshelf #spnprideweek #sam and cas #rambleoncas writing #roc original #my post #theedorksinlove #userdainty #klinejack #usershey #creativecaviar #userpris #usersully #spnclownpals #hope it was okay to tag!!

[reddit-terf-cold-takes]

Honestly, going with the most charitable interpretation of what a world post-gender abolition looks like from what I’ve read from “gender-critical” users, this is where I think trans people would place in it:

Wome would be liberated from the patriarchy. (This is at the top because this is where most gender critics here on Tumblr are going to stop - i know it’s an oversimplification, but much like gender critics claim they’re more concerned for “women’s safety”, I’m more concerned here with the safety and well-being of my fellow trans people.)

People would get to wear whatever we want - or whatever we don’t want - with zero or low judgment or threat of violence.

Bathrooms would be divided into Men’s rooms and Women’s rooms, and if you’re going into one you’d better have the right “natural” “parts” to be there. If not it’s to be assumed you either made a mistake or had nefarious intentions and would be dealt with accordingly.

Kids would be allowed to wear whatever they want, play with whatever they want, and not have gendered expectations and roles shoved onto them.

Hair on women, facial included, would not be an issue.

People will have zero problems using the pronouns and names assigned to them at birth, by virtue of the sex they were born as.

Media will not shove gender onto kids either.

This will get rid of gender dysphoria because…again, being charitable, kids raised without gendered expectations and roles won’t feel the need to be the other sex to “escape”, or “mix up” gender and sex.

On the rare case that gender dysphoria is biology-based, clearly therapy would be needed to help them “accept their birth sex.” And gender dysphoria would be treated like a “normal” mental illness, thought of like anorexia or other types of body dysmorphia, and not “catered to.”

So, to sum it up: Trans people wouldn’t exist because in the post-gender abolition Utopia, people would be perfectly happy with their birth sex, would just use the pronouns and name assigned to them at birth, if you were caught in the wrong bathroom you’d be assumed to be there by mistake or arrested if not, and gender dysphoria would be therapied out of them.

…so unpacking this:

Why would gendered bathrooms even be needed in a post-gendered world? Presumably one of the goals of women’s liberation and abolition of gender would be to eradicate, as much as possible, violence against women. If that was successfully done…why would there even be a fear of unisex bathrooms, if predatory behavior against women is no longer an issue?

I wore androgynous and “tomboyish” clothing before I transitioned. I wore a lot of whatever I wanted before I transitioned, mostly sweatpants, t-shirts, and sweaters. It didn’t lessen the feeling of “wrongness,” nor did that feeling improve until I fully embraced being trans and what that meant.

For the above, I imagine this is much, much harder for trans women - for all the talk of being free to wear whatever you like and that clothing shouldn’t be gendered, apparently the farthest a lot of gender critics are willing to go is “rockstar dandy David Bowie.” Women are allowed to be butch and masculine…but not too butch and masculine. (See: Every single TERF crying over a transmasculine person “ruining their body” girl shut up)

This goes towards policing how trans people clothe themselves too. For trans women, if you’re too feminine you’re “appropriating womanhood;” if you’re more butch you’re just a man claiming to be a female to get access to women’s spaces. For trans men, too masculine and you’re considered a traitor, “ugly” or lost dating material; if you’re not masculine enough you’re just pretending to be trans for clout, or brainwashed by the patriarchy. Non-binary people get mocked and dismissed no matter what the fuck they do. And this is even without the trauma that intersex people face from birth for having an abnormal body that doesn’t fit the sex binary, including non-consensual surgery done on them as a child and then covered up.

(As an aside - every single cis intersex woman I know on this platform? Has been “accused” of being trans. BY GENDER CRITICS. It’s sickening.)

Point being; for a group concerned about gender abolition, trans people have a very small gender expression allowance that is tolerated, at best.

We can’t win, to put it bluntly. Maybe our gender expression will be allowed in the post-gender abolition world that’s going to definitely come in…the next few hundred years. For realsies, pinkie promise uwu.

Gender identity is not simply cultural. There are trans people who have a biological basis for their dysphoria as well. Again, I can only speak for my own experiences, but - on a fundamental level, the fact that my body is built for being impregnated and giving birth is like something out of Alien, and the thought of my body being capable of doing that is something I reject on every single level of my body, even the levels I can’t even reach. And there are people around you who A) see this as good, and B) want to force you to carry that crotchburster until it’s ready to pop.

My body should not be capable of doing that. Period. The end. And any amount of “body acceptance uwu” therapy you try to put me through to “fix” it is going to look shady as fuck. Might as well bring a pro-lifer CPC counselor in at that point.

There’s a lot more I can touch on - the fact that woman’s liberation is often isolated from other forms of oppression and that this post-gender utopia will not have even a ghost’s chance of happening unless we are all liberated, the way that the “scientific” argument of “define woman lol” is metaphysical in nature rather than scientific, the fact that this world they want trans people to live in means us living as something we fundamentally are not -

But I’ll be blunt again.

In a post-gender world, trans people wouldn’t exist. And those that do would be relegated to the same dark shadow of shame that hangs over people with mental illnesses.

And honestly, that’s a terrifying thought.

(TERFs don’t bother interacting if your only comment is going to focus only first bullet point. As I said, this post is primarily concerned about what trans people’s place would be in a “post-gender world” and the place and safety of trans people in it. Don’t derail.)

#anti terf #anti gender critical #trans liberation now #transphobia tw #gender abolition #reproductive rights #mental illness

[its-an-inxp-again]

Hey

Idk if you ever got the answer to your thing. But I’m a person who is queer but regularly uses the term lesbian to make things simpler. I can tell you why I hate the phrase monosexual- it feels transphobic to me- I am not attracted to men at all, but I am attracted to women, non-binary folks, gender queer folks, and agender folks. If I was with a partner and they transitioned to be a man I would still love them. That wouldn’t change. Sexuality is fluid and calling someone monosexual seems to erase that and really put people in boxes. Everyone has exceptions. And as someone who has identified as bisexual and pansexual in the past and find those not to suit me and fit right (especially since I am not sexually/romantically attracted to people physically/based on appearances- it’s more about personality and what I could do with a person)

I don’t mean this in an antagonistic way, I really hope it doesn’t come off that way(I’m bad expressing myself sorry).

(I’m sorry, I know you’re not trying to be rude. My answer, however, will sound rude and upset because you touched upon some stuff that needs a lot of unpacking to me lmao. Just know this anger is not necessarily directed at you but at biphobia in general.)

Why do bisexual people may need to use the term monosexual?

A. It is descriptive

I see what you mean but as you said you're queer and lesbian is a term to make things simpler, right?

So I wouldnt call you monosexual because you’re clearly not attracted to only one gender (but if you want to who I am to stop you?). Monosexual is someone who is almost exclusively dating/is attracted to people of one gender. There are plenty trans people that are straight or gay that would NOT date a partner if they realized they were a different gender. For real: kat blaque made a video (here it is if youre interested) on youtube about this - she’s trans and she wants to date men and wouldnt feel comfortable on continuing dating if a partner of hers realized they were actually a trans woman all along. She wants to date guys not girls and that's FINE it just means A. She actually recognizes the girl gender, obviously B. She's straight af and that's wonderful! It’s not a box if that’s how her experience is and she likes it that way!

Also how is being monosexual transphobic? Cant a girl just like guys exclusively (both cis and trans) or like girls exclusively (both cis and trans)? It's not even enbyphobic since you dont need to be attracted to a person to support their rights. (Gay men arent attracted to women but can be 100% feminists.) Being open to fuck somebody is not the same as supporting their rights: fetishization is a thing. Again, I refer to the video Kat Blaque made.

Sexuality IS fluid but to some people (like me and you) it is more than others. Some people don’t feel comfortable dating people that dont fall into the gender theyre usually attracted to and thats 100% okay.

B. It helps in talking about biphobia and panphobia in society

Biphobia and panphobia are for the large part based on the assumption that you cant be attracted to more than one gender (not even non-binary and so on) and that if you do you're weird/disgusting/mentally ill/a sexual predator. I can tell you 100% that's the narrative both straight and gay people can and may perpetuate since I struggle w this kind of shit every single time Im attracted to someone no matter their gender (YES, EVEN IF THEY'RE A GUY, BECAUSE THE OTHER DAY I WAS ATTRACTED TO A GIRL AND NOW I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING ANIMAL THAT CANT CONTROL ITSELF, even though it makes NO sense because if it was two girls or two boys the actual number of people my hormones activated to wouldnt change, but it would make my experience not subjected to biphobia!). I’m not saying gay people are the same as straight people. But I do feel alienated BOTH from heteronormative society AND from (subtly biphobic) gay spaces because of my bisexuality. I costantly feel like I’m outside both of those worlds and you know how humans are: I just need a term to encompass it all easily, to say “I don’t identify with any of this” (which is both straight and strictly gay spaces: ie, monosexual). To me is literally the same as saying non-bisexual/non-pansexual.

I dont mean to say lesbians or gays have it easier or are just like straight people. But we do have different experiences and I need terms to express that. It honestly doesnt matter to me if you identify as lesbian or queer (though I think you’re implying you’re more queer than anything). But I do need a term to talk about how society at large treats sexuality; ie, as a monosexual thing. Another concept that’s been thrown around is bi erasure. A strictly monosexual society is bound to view a girl dating a girl (or girl presenting) as if theyre both LESBIANS and erase a queer person the moment they’re in a m/f relationship, because people cant COMPUTE that it may not be the case and that the girl dating a cis straight dude isnt betraying her queerness.To think so is basic biphobia.

In some ways, I think it’s the same as when transgender people started using the term cisgender - which is applicable to both straight people and queer/gay people. They simply needed a term which meant “not-trans” as they were saying “I dont identify with this” (ie the cisgender experience). Does it imply that cisgender people, no matter if queer, have something in common? Yeah, yeah it does. Does it imply that queer people are just the same as straight people, or face no oppression? Of course not. Seeing people being offended upon being called monosexual feels like people being offended upon being called cis to me.

Also, saying that the terms bisexual people use are transphobic is almost implying that bisexuality is inherently transphobic? Or reeks to me of that kind of rhetoric. I use the terms I need to use, just like any other marginilized group does, and nobody outside of that group has any right of denying me that. It’s like I’m trying to create a safe space for myself and people like me and yall come around to judge us YET AGAIN. And I'm just tired of hearing this bullshit. I could accept this kind of criticism only if it came from a trans person themselves, I guess? But it’s not usually trans people who accuse us of being transphobic, in fact, many trans people identify as bisexual and use bisexual terminology lmfao.

“Hearts not parts” rhetoric

Finally, about personality being superior to physical appearance. That's amazing but I do want to note that, not you necessarily, but many people who are into the “hearts not parts” rhetoric are, how can I say this. Slut-shaming people? I’m not sure if you are doing this but I feel it needs to be said just to be sure. A lesbian trans woman can be just attracted to a girl for her physical appearance and just want to fuck her - and THAT'S OKAY. That's fine. I am a sexually attracted to people and that doesnt mean I have to form a deep bond first. Sex positivity is about accepting that people can feel like this and not shame them for this. "Hearts not parts” rhetoric has in the past infantilized, sanitized or outright shamed other queer experiences. It's fine if you feel that way but dont start acting like you're morally superior because of that. That's catholicism with extra steps. My bisexuality its not the symptom of some predatory and animalistic thing that should be purified into something more palatable and less sexual. That’s the same thing they used to say about gay people and now gay (biphobic) people are using this against us. That’s also the kind of thing trans women (especially if they’re sapphic) constantly hear every fucking day. Queer people have a good part of their discrimination rooted in the shaming of purely sexual desires. Forcing ourselves to be more palatable and less sexual is just respectability politics. I’m tired of it. (This is obviously different from being on the asexual spectrum: but you dont see ace people going around pretending they’re morally superior than everybody else, and many are actually very sex positive)   You would still love your partner if they were a different gender: that’s great, but that’s not how some (most) people feel, and they aren’t superficial because of this, just different from you.

Also, I think you’d really benefit from hearing a trans person say they don’t care if someone has genitalia preferences. Here it is. This obviously doesnt mean that every trans person will feel like she does, but it does mean that we can’t generalize trans experiences/preferences/what they feel transphobia is. Just like straight people dont get to say what’s homophobic or not, cis people dont get to say what’s transphobic or not. The definition of those terms relies entirely on the community that is targeted by these things.

I hope this wasnt excessively confusing but I wanted to make my point clear.

#ask #anon ask #sometimes i say stuff #tw biphobia #tw transphobia #tw panphobia #tw queerphobia #lgbt #lgbtqia

[tacticalhimbo]

Thoughts(tm).

I've seen a lot of debate on the use of gender-neutral language, especially regarding the things happening now regarding abortion and access to equal healthcare. So here's an perspective post nobody asked for.

In case this gets out of my little bubble:

Hi, I'm Jason. I'm a transmasculine individual (genderqueer man) who has a mostly functioning uterus which, unfortunately, is a major source of dysphoria. Congrats to me (/s)!

Also, I ramble a lot and tend not to read over what I say. If I've repeated myself or made things wordy, that's my bad. I just... do that. A lot.

Also also, I want to encourage healthy discussion! If you're going to come on here and be a dick (e.g., purposeful misgendering, hate/harassment, etc. etc.) you'll be blocked without a response. This isn't some... debate I'm trying to spark. I don't need to prove shit to you about myself, my identity, or my body.

I'm going to say it right off the bat for any cis allies reading this: You will never be able to please everybody. Especially since there's such a divide in the community about our perception and inclusion.

A lot of this divide, from what I have noticed in my old days of trans* discourse (2015-2018, the peak trans* discourse years), stems from people's experiences. Many people will actively distance themselves from traditionally gendered discussions as it may worsen their dysphoria, or make them feel as if their gender is undermined. Many people will push for inclusion in traditionally gendered discussions as it has had a direct impact on them, whether that impact be positive or negative.

I'm of the belief that it's important to address the nuance of things. I'll focus on the topic of "female" reproductive health and the inclusion of trans men/transmasculine individuals since I'm more versed in that personally (again, due to experience).

Again, many trans men/transmasculine individuals may want to avoid being included in reproductive conversations (e.g., abortion and healthcare access) because it feels personally invalidating.

Take for example, me.

I'm transmasculine and have reproductive issues typically associated with women. I said my uterus, which I still very much have due to an inability to safely seek medical transition (as well as a financial inability), is mostly working.

Why mostly? I'm not entirely sure!

My own dysphoria has made me avoid seeking proper examination due to how gendered that type healthcare is. However, I am aware there are issues due to my personal experiences with menstruation and research done online/with peers. I have even gone as far to have narrowed it down to a few likely causes (one being endometriosis). Granted, this research has been equally as gendered and has made me feel invalidated many times. Despite this, it is important for me to have access to these resources as it is (frankly) an issue that directly impacts my health.

Many trans men/transmasculine individuals have said similar things about access to pre/post-natal care and abortions. I follow many "seahorse dads" who have detailed both affirming and invalidating experiences with the healthcare system and within online communities. Some of these individuals have been pre-transition, some post-transition.

On the other hand, many trans men/transmasculine individuals have said otherwise on the topics. That these things are "women only" issues, and that they do not feel the need to be included in these conversations. These issues, because they are men, simply should not include them. Some of these individuals have been pre-transition, some post-transition.

So what should cis allies do? What should the community advocate for?

I believe it's important to avoid total exclusion for the sake of trans men/transmasculine individuals who are directly impacted by these issues. Using gender neutral language allows for that bridge to be navigated at the individual's choice.

It's not "forcing inclusion". It's not "erasing women". It's not invalidating trans men/transmasculine individuals.

The usage and implementation of gender neutral language says: Hey, if you relate to this problem or these issues, here is information and what steps you can take. Do what you want with it!

This can, of course, extend to other forms of reproductive healthcare as well. Vasectomy, testicular examinations, STD testing, fertility/infertility, etc. etc. The list goes on.

Ultimately it boils down to these points:

If you identify with being a woman, great! You're still a person affected by access to reproductive healthcare.

If you identify with being a man, great! You're still a person affected by access to reproductive healthcare.

If you identify outside of the binary, great! You're still a person affected by access to reproductive healthcare.

Everyone should have equal and accessible access to the healthcare they need, regardless of preconceived notions surrounding said healthcare.

#txt #cw discourse #tw abortion #tw pregnancy #tw menstruation #ok to rb #long post

[thedeadflag]

so this is something I've been mulling over for a while now - do you reckon it'd be possible to make a version of a/b/o that isn't fundamentally transphobic, or would it reach the point of "this is so different that you might as well not call it a/b/o" before that? off the top of my head you'd have to take out all elements of g!p, mpreg, and biological essentialism, and it'd probably be possible to write a version of a/b/o with that framework, but I don't know if I'm missing anything.

a/b/o is a reactionary trope that relies on cissexism-derived biological essentialism to function. Like, that’s the engine that powers the bdsm/power dynamics, cisheteronormative breeding/family building, “dub/non-con”, etc. elements that draw people to it, and led people to create it in the first place. 

Like, my best attempt at describing a non-transphobic, non-shitty typical a/b/o adjacent fic would include:

Werewolves (let’s face it, werewolves can be really cool if written well, and there’s a lot of really good ways to write them, a lot of ways to subvert tired subtropes within the trope)

Found Family-focused family/pack building (because wolves often adopt wolves from other packs into their own, blood lineage isn’t really a thing; much like vampires being created, newly turned werewolves of any age can be considered their sire’s child; if it needs to have a pregnancy arc between two men or two women, there’s IVF/IUI, or magically/spiritually-induced pregnancies, and of course writing a fully fledged complex trans character with their own non-pregnancy arc and virtues/flaws/goals/etc. and getting relevant trans beta writers who aren't your friends to keep it on track if you’re a cis writer)

A flexible, non-binary gendered society (rather than the rigidly structured biology-is-destiny a/b/o society) that’s trans inclusive either explicitly, or implicitly if it’s a new social universe with different rules. 

If mating seasons have to exist, they’re cultural more than biological, and no biological processes that could impede or trouble a person’s ability to properly consent. 

No inherent, glorified or reified power dynamics, certainly none rooted in or fostered through biology. 

That doesn’t seem very much at all like a/b/o to me. It’s a werewolf AU, which is the reason why a/b/o was created in the first place. It wasn’t enough. It needed something more than just a supernatural bent

I’ll continue on below for a bit on some simplified functions of a/b/o, but it’s mostly just some ramblings.

-

Like, to quote the originators of the genre/trope:

I'd like to see Alpha male Jared, and Bitch male Jensen. Jensen is a snotty prude (think Lady from lady and the tramp) he may be a bitch male but he's not just going to let anybody take a go at his sweet little ass...until he meets Jared...then prudey little Jensen turns cock slut for Jared. Bonus points for J2 being OTP, Jensen was a virgin before Jared, and now that they met each other, it's for life.

...

There are three types of men, alpha males, beta males, and omega males. Alpha males are like any ordinary guy with the exception of their cocks, they work just like canines (the knot, tons of cum, strong breeders, etc) The beta male, is an ordinary guy without the special cock. Omega males are capable of child bearing and often called bitch males.

Like, I want you to look at that real close and see what’s going on in there.

This was created to be a trope where there’s a world where women, as we explicitly know them, don’t exist, but where a subgroup of men take up the functional role of the woman in the heteronormative social structure of the world. It’s also not surprising that (assumedly cis) women created and initiated the spread of this trope.

Look at the language used. This is heavily, explicitly gendered for a reason. If you’ve read much of anything about how the male gaze impacts female sexuality, you’ll know a common response is for women to position themselves out of the proverbial frame entirely, so that no part of them can explicitly exist as an object, where they can take on the role of a subject. There’s no women whose experiences will directly link to her own and her own perceptions, comfort/discomfort/etc.

However, many of these women also have been heavily affected by the male gaze and heteronormativity, and that combined with not knowing what a real gay male relationship is like, what it looks like, what experiences might be unique to it...they fill in the blanks with their own conditioning. 

And maybe seeing a lot of that toxic masculinity in media content was unsettling because of how women get treated in that content, and how they in turn might feel in those shoes. But if a MAN, even if it’s a heavily female-coded man, were to undergo that...well, it’d be easier to appreciate those tropes and dynamics they’ve been force-fed to believe were arousing, hot, desirable. Especially if they can have two hot men in it. They can enjoy that self-created taboo, bypass their own discomfort and insecurity, and project it onto a type of person different enough to suspend their disbelief and maintain that difference, even if they’re pumping that guy full of all the typical misogynistic tropes and experiences they’re not comfortable having directed towards them and other women.

In short, it’s a way to get off on heteronormative norms/tropes, using another as a vehicle in order to keep up their cognitive dissonance.

Of course, this eventually spilled out into the Het fandom (makes perfect sense, since many of the a/b/o originators and proponents were het women), and then worked its way into Femslash fandom by piggybacking on g!p in order to meet the necessary criteria for PiV sex. 

Just, in this case, you necessarily shift some of the puzzle pieces around. Trans women take the place of the “alpha”, acting as an acceptable vehicle for a toxic masculine cis man, since lesbians aren’t into men. Even if the trans woman is generally written, in nearly every way aside from part of her body, as a toxic cis man. The original a/b/o’s “Bitch Male”/Omega Male is swapped out for the  Omega Female, usually a spunkier, more in your face version outside of romantic/sexual contexts in the media content, but let’s be real here, she’s still by and large submissive when it comes down to it. 

In a world where more wlw grew up feeling predatory for their attraction to other women, for feeling sinful, for being rejected from female intimacy het women enjoyed with each other after coming out, etc., it’s pretty common for a lot of lesbians to lack initiative, not be able to read or communicate romantic/sexual cues between each other...to essentially be “useless lesbians’ as the joke goes,and to feel isolated and undesirable. 

So writing a F/F fic where some hot woman modeled in the image of some hot cis woman pursues you? Takes the initiative sexually/romantically? Doesn’t beat around the bush, but is blatant? Who can’t control her lust around you? Who can give you the perfect nuclear family you’ve been conditioned to want in order to feel value in our heteronormative world, but were told you weren’t worthy of or could never feasibly attain? Who gives you a sexual encounter you have some education in and some emotional stake in due to common conditioning of PiV sex > all else? Who can give you plausible deniability for a number of contexts due to a lack of ability to explicitly consent? etc. etc.

Like, yeah, that’s going to feel comfortable for a lot out there. That’s going to seem pretty hot/arousing. It’s a way to get off on the norms and expectations thrown on women in society, but in a way that lets them distance themselves ever so slightly from men by shifting it from text to subtext, explicit to implicit.

Don’t just take my word for it, though. Here’s a few snippets from one of the most popular g!p/omegaverse femslash writers (if not the most popular) that help illustrate how/why this trope has found an audience

Why Do I Write G!P?The elephant in the room. It arouses me, but it’s also a form of self-comfort. I grew up in a very fundamentalist home. Women being with women was at first unspoken, and then derided, both by my church and at home. I felt insanely guilty for my attractions, so I developed ‘cheat codes’ to deal with it.

It was okay if the woman I had sex with in my dreams had a penis, for example. It was okay if she forced me to have sex with her. It was okay if we basically simulated heterosexual sex.

Because of my childhood (which included conversion therapy), I found myself falling into heterosexual roleplay patterns, at least sexually. It was a lingering thing from my childhood.

It’s still there, and I know I’ll never be rid of it.

...

I associate penetration with power. You know, being steeped in sexism from an early age turned some problematic thoughts into kinky lemonade. And since I’m a femme sub, taking power away from the top by ‘penetrating’ them can ruin the mood for me. I mean, I can write power bottom scenes with the best of them, and I enjoy them, but… *shrug* if I’m going to write omegaverse or g!p, someone’s getting fucked, and it’s not the top.

There are rules to a/b/o. There are specific reasons it’s sought out, read, and created, and that’s why it’s hard to imagine a version of it without those harmful elements, because the trope requires them for the audience to be satisfied.

It’s why all gay male a/b/o fits a pretty specific pattern. it’s why femslash a/b/o fits a very specific pattern. There’s nearly no deviation as a rule, because there are so many parts that have to be in play and functioning in a specific way in order to get the desired result. 

I could go on for hours about this, and the above is all a pretty damn simplified take of what’s going on in a/b/o for it to exist in the way it does and meet the needs of the audience, and I’ve already written a lot about this in the past, so I’ll try to cut it short here.

#a/b/o #omegaverse #trans fetishization #creative responsibility #transmisogyny #cissexism #genitals tw #genital mention tw #long post #fandom dynamics #fandom meta #heteronormativity #g!p #biological essentialism #Anonymous

[heartofsnark]

MC Comes Out As A Trans Man (KBTBB Headcanons)

Notes: I am a cis person, so while I can educate and ask questions, I will never fully understand the full scope or experience of being trans. This was a request by one of my friends when i was outsourcing the big bunch of Ko-Fi donations that came with no request. I tried hard to do this appropriately, but if I’ve written anything transphobic, hurtful, or just gotten something wrong, please let me know, so I can correct it. 

Eisuke’s MC would be among the most scared to come out as a trans man. Not because he necessarily thinks Eisuke wouldn’t accept him, but because of Eisuke’s status. Eisuke may do a lot of business internationally, but his work is primarily based in Japan, a more conservative country. What is MC being a trans-man means people won’t want to work with Eisuke, what if it ruins the reputation of the Tres Spades and Ichinomiya group. There are a lot of fears and anxieties that go along with this. When MC can’t take it another day and finally comes out to Eisuke, he doesn’t say anything, only listens. He lets MC word vomit it all out, explaining how long he’s struggled with this, how scared he’s been, but every time he’s called a she or something triggers dysphoria for him, he wants to die and he can’t do it anymore.   Once MC is done getting it all out of their system, Eisuke tells them no matter their gender, MC belongs to him. Which is his not so romantic way of saying he’ll love MC no matter what. Anyone who doesn’t want to work with him because of MC isn’t someone he wants to work with and anyone who’d go out of their way to harass MC, will wish they were dead by the time Eisuke is done.

Something important to Eisuke is never making the same mistake twice; it just takes one correction of pronouns for Eisuke to never use the wrong pronouns again.

Eisuke is beyond supportive with MC’s transition, his number one love language is spending money and transitioning to any degree is expensive. Whatever MC wants or needs to help the process is done. If MC wants binders, top of the line best money can buy and Eisuke always messages/calls to remind him when it needs to be taken off for safety reasons. If MC isn’t comfortable wearing dresses or skirts anymore, immediately given a male uniform for the hotel and all those event dresses will be replaced with perfectly tailored suits. If MC wants to start hormone therapy, he’s getting the best doctor on it to administer and keep eye on the treatment. If MC decides they want surgery, Eisuke is doing research into everything that’s needed and where to get the best surgeon. Eisuke will even goes through the trouble of letting MC go through another country for the surgery whichever one has the better process that MC likes. Japan requires sterilization for transitioning, which Eisuke doesn’t like at all, personally. If MC is comfortable with it, he’d still like to have children the conventional way. But, if MC would rather have the surgery in Japan or just wouldn’t want to be pregnant in general, he’ll start looking into surrogates or adoption.

 Soryu isn’t as well-versed in LGBT+ issues or identities, but his reaction to MC telling him he’s actually a man is that, yeah, that makes sense. There are two reasons for this reaction, first one is,  MC has made small efforts to dispel dysphoria even before he felt comfortable coming out as a trans guy, meaning MC wasn’t ever the most traditionally feminine of women, and the way MC seem very uncomfortable to insane degrees when expected to do things that would  trigger dysphoria for them.  It was always clear that this went beyond MC being a tomboy.

The second reason is, Soryu has never been the biggest fan of women. He’s gotten better than his initial sexism, but due to his childhood experience, women have always made him uncomfortable. He even questioned his sexuality for a while when he was younger, if he was this hateful and uncomfortable with women, it would make sense he probably doesn’t find them sexually attractive. Then he met MC and thought it was a case of just needing to meet the right woman, but it makes sense that well, MC just wasn’t a woman. A part of him wonders if somehow he knew before he realized he knew, if that makes sense.

He’s less skilled at changing pronouns and adapting, he’ll make more than one of two mistakes. But, he’s always quick to apologize, try not to do it again, and the guilt on his face is evident. He’ll be supportive in whatever kind of transitioning MC may want to do. Soryu wants to learn more and be the best partner he can be to MC. The mafia itself has some toxic and gross ideas, the ice dragons themselves accept MC readily. Inui might get a little clumsy but he means well, the first time he accidentally calls MC princess, he freaks out realizing his mistake and some say he’s still apologizing to this very day.

One night before bed, MC catches that Soryu’s usual mystery novel has been replaced with a book about what it’s like to be trans, so he can better understand. MC is beyond moved and gives his boyfriend extra loving that night.

There will be other mafia groups and enemies who will see this as something to take advantage of. They’ll purposely insult or trigger MC, weaponize it against Soryu. But, rest assured, the Ice Dragons will make sure those people regret it.

Baba’s MC has nothing to worry about, ‘cause fuck Baba is just perfect, let’s be honest. Honestly, Baba probably knew to a degree, like he suspected it and was just waiting for MC to tell him. If anyone was paying attention, after a while Baba’s nicknames became more and more gender neutral. MC tells him and he’s accepts easily, MC means everything to him and he’d never throw them away for something like this. Besides, Baba is definitely like pansexual or bisexual, so the gender of his partner has and always be irrelevant to him, all he cares about is the emotional aspect.

He’s loving and supportive through any kind of transitioning, reminds them when they need to take off their binder, takes care of them if hormones ever make them sick, or when/if they have surgery. He’s finding the male equivalent to every feminine nickname he ever gave, he realizes calling MC god instead of goddess sounds vaguely cultish, so if MC wants he’ll turn that into angel, but maybe they’re into the cult thing. He’s more than willing to worship them after all.

Hey, this famous person said something transphobic, now their house has been robbed and all the money has been given to foundations/charities that help trans people. How crazy, how could that have happened!?

Would a hundred percent kiss and smooch all over MC’s top scars if they got surgery, making sure he knows Baba loves his body no matter what.

If they don’t cause dysphoria Baba would 100 percent still want MC to wear those sexy costumes, but if he’s not comfortable, Baba can always wear them.

Honestly, Baba would just have the least issues adapting there’s not a lot to say. The biggest fuck up I could ever see him making is calling MC his pretty lady accidentally and he’d be like “oH FUCk, SoRRY, MY HANDSOME MAN!”, he’d feel bad but honestly him being awkward and struggling is cute and he’d never do it again.

Moral of the story, date Baba. Just do it.

Ota’s first response, “Does this mean we have to get you neutered?”, as assholey as it is it flusters MC and makes them yell at him for the dog shit, changing the serious tone to a light and teasing one. Male, female, non-binary, MC is still his Koro and his bluebird. Additionally, I feel like in the art world and having lived in New York, Ota has met trans people and in general just sees it more as yeah, sometimes people aren’t cis and he doesn’t really see the big deal. The sky is blue and he now has a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend. He might fuck up pronouns a few times, force of habit, but he’ll try not to do it again.  He might tease them a bit, saying how the dog is now training the master,

Once it’s made public, Ota is even more protective about paparazzi around MC. He knows how quickly they’ll flock to harass and bother MC about his transitioning. Ota isn’t going to stand by it, not for a second, reminding them of how if they don’t watch it and treat MC with respect, he’ll stop painting.

Ota paints flowers and designs on MC’s top scars when they’re feeling bad about their body. He’ll also paint portraits of them in general, MC can visit Ota’s studio and see his transition in painting form. Portraits from early on to the current ones, showing every little change MC’s made, like a beautiful documentation of his growth.

Mamoru  it’s gonna be a slower process for him to get it.He ultimately decides, meh, MC is MC, he loves ‘em no matter what. His reaction is pretty calm and borderline a non-reaction.

He’s gonna mess up with pronouns for a while at first, it’s not that he doesn’t care or doesn’t want to make the effort, he’s just a creature of habit and change is a little hard. When he’s corrected, he murmurs “shit sorry” and makes sure not to not slip for as long as he can.

Mamoru gets a little more protective as MC transitions, he’s a cop and he’s seen too many hate crimes not to feel that extra need to keep him safe.

Mamoru finally taps into that money he gets from auctions when MC wants things to transition or surgery. He usually doesn’t bother to touch it, cause he personally doesn’t need for much, but he’d spend it all to make his boyfriend happy and comfortable.

Before MC started transitioning he would casually grab and play with their chest, following surgery when they lounge together he’ll casually run his thumb over his boyfriend’s top scars.

“No matter what, you’re still just a kid.” 

Rhion, bless his heart, doesn’t know what the fuck is going on. He was sheltered to an extent before he became the Hatter. I’m not fully convinced he knows what being trans means. Telling him is a bit like telling a child to an extent, he’s open and accepting but might not realize the full gravity of it.

When MC comes out and explains it, he’s immediately accepting. MC means the absolute world to him, no matter what. MC has always represented to him, someone who would accept him no matter what, he intends to do the same.

He may falter with pronouns a few time, just ‘cause he can be a little absent minded, but he’s quick to correct himself. He may even pout as he apologizes ‘cause he’s mad at himself.

The biggest concern and issue he may have is whether he can continue calling MC Alice. While, as their relationship has grown he’s stepped away from it more and more, it’s become a sort of pet name. Rhion knows Alice is a girl character and he knows he knows being treated at all like a woman makes MC feel bad, (he doesn’t grasp the full gravity of dysphoria but he damn well understands it hurts MC and he doesn’t want his boyfriend to ever be hurt). It would make

Rhion explains that while he knows Alice is a female character and it’s a female coded name, Alice to him has always represented more of a concept. The concept and idea of someone he was always waiting for, someone who’d love him and be with him no matter what, who wouldn’t shun him. To him, it transcends gender, but as much as he’s attached to it, he’ll stop if it hurts MC. ‘Cause at the end of the day they’re more important than a nickname.

Additionally, Rhion is mesmerized by hormone therapy and/or surgery. Like, seeing how much MC’s body changes, he considers it like magic and always have some cheesy pseudo poetic metaphor. It’s so cool and he goes starry eyed over everything.  MC’s voice is getting deeper? What!? That’s amazing, every octave change is like a beautiful melody! MC’s getting more body hair, body changing, it’s a slow beautiful metamorphosis, like watching someone evolve before his very eyes. MC’s gotten surgery, it’s like a butterfly finally emerging from its cocoon, fully shifted and changed for the better.

Luke  is another one with a non-reaction kind of reaction. MC has to wonder if he even heard him or if he was too preoccupied with his medical book. That is until MC comes back from work and Luke pipes up, “so, do you plan on doing hormone therapy? There’s a very good hospital I know of that provides that treatment. Or I can do it, if you’d prefer.”

Luke does what he does best, medical research. He can’t help much on the social and emotional side of things, he fully supports them and loves them, but he’s not always the best person to go to when you’re having a bad day. Like all cis-people he can’t ever fully grasp dysphoria, but he wants to help the best way he knows how.

He’s scattered brain, but he always knows when to remind MC to take off their binder. It’s like his tea time, never forgot tea time or binder removal time.

He’d very much like to be a part of the hormone treatment managing; he’d probably offer to do any kind of surgery MC wants, as creepy as that might sound. The reason for this is A) he trusts himself more than a random doctor and B) it helps make him feel like he’s a part of it and supporting MC. The only problem is, well, if something goes wrong, he’d never forgive himself. Though if another doctor fucked something up, he’d probably kill them, soooo. 

Sexy bones is a gender neutral nickname, so it stays and he’s surprisingly good with not slipping on pronouns. He researches if top surgery or hormones can mess with collarbones, just to give himself some peace of mind. 

Shuichi’s MC would be scared to tell him because A) he’s an ambassador and political figure and B) he’s a catholic.  Religion and Politics don’t always go well with LGBT+ matters.

Shuichi isn’t transphobic or homophobic, but he’s never thought about much in terms of how those matters affect his life. He’s realistic and pragmatic, he knows not everyone is going to accept MC or their relationship. He knows MC being trans could damage his political career, because as much as the world is moving forward this is still taboo to a lot of people. He knows he may not be allowed back at the church he attends.

But MC is more important than any of that.

He’s very careful and conscious of his pronouns, doing everything he can not to misgender MC. If he makes a mistake, he apologizes and learns from it, it’s fundamental. He’ll get books and material to educate himself on what he doesn’t understand. Learning and growing is something he’s always found crucial, this is the time for that.

He’d strive to use his political power and pull in order to make difference, like pulling for laws in order to help and protect transgender people. While, he was always in support of those things it’s closer to his heart now that it impacts MC.

If he has any question of faith with it, he comes to the ultimate conclusion that God made MC who he is, so he must love MC and if anyone says otherwise they can bite him. If the people at the church make MC uncomfortable, they’ll find a new church.

Hikaru (he’s officially the only one I haven’t read yet, so fuck me if this is ooc), he’s a bit confused at first, just as a whole. Gender and sexuality stuff isn’t something he regularly thinks about. He’s kinda like o..kay, that’s a thing now.

In his very tsundere way of expressing love, “boy or girl, you’re still a dummy”

He’ll have a slow switch with pronouns, lots of mistakes early on, he’s fumbling and apologetic, he sounds grumbly and pouting when he does it. But he means well.

If a guest at the hotel says anything to MC, he’s grabbing their arm a bit too tight and he’s doing his work smile but there’s murder in his eyes.

Transphobes get their computers hacked, suck it assholes.

He’s even easy to tease during some of this.

“Hey, Hikaru, are you gonna miss my boobs?” “SHUT UP DUMMY!”

“You wanna say good bye to them?”

And then Hikaru throws a pillow at him, while his face is tomato red.

~Did you like this set of headcanons? Wanna request something similar? Just wanna support me? Consider buying me a Ko-Fi!~

#kissed by the baddest bidder #kbtbb #eisuke ichinomiya #Soryu Oh #Mitsunari Baba #Ota Kisaki #mamoru kishi #rhion hatter #Luke Foster #shuichi hishikura #hikaru aihara #maybe i'm too optimistic but i like to believe that their love for mc transcends gender

[the-queer-look]

Bee Yourself

When viewed from outside, the LGBTQIA+ community, is portrayed as a single, homogenous culture, with a few socially accepted experiences which cisgendered, heterosexual society expects use to conform to. In reality, the LGBTQIA+ community is an umbrella term for a multitude of distinct cultures, united by shared commonalities. This narrow view of what it means to be a part of our community can be extremely damaging to those looking to find themselves.

The Queer Look seeks to explore the identities and experiences of people within the LGBTQIA+ community. To show the many facets that make up a person, and the ways in which we express our identities physically.

The Queer Look aims to show that just because someone does not follow a traditionally accepted path to their identity, and does not conform to all stereotypes associated with that identity, that their experience is not less valid. A gay man who comes out in his forties is no less gay. A Lesbian who has had several boyfriends is no less a lesbian. A trans woman who does not want to wear dresses is no less a woman. And a trans man who refuses top surgery is no less a man.

We are here. We are queer. And we are as unique and distinct as the colours on our flags.

p.s. True to form, I was so excited about the first interview/photoshoot that I forgot to set up the recording equipment. Luckily, Bee took the time to answer a questionnaire that I sent after the fact, hoping to recapture the questions and answers received on the day.

Preferred Name: Bee

Age: 21

Location: Lewisham

Occupation/field of study etc: Receptionist, Arts - History/Gender Studies

Sexual Orientation: Bisexual

Gender: Non Binary

How would you dress yourself on an average day?

On the day-to-day I pretty much have a uniform! You will always find me in high waisted jeans, a white graphic tee and maroon Doc Martens. Some days I wear a binder but some days I don’t, depending on my dysphoria and level of laziness… I also always have colourful socks on because even if you can’t see them in my Docs I still love them.

At what point did you realise that you were Bisexual?

I think I properly realised when I was at college in university. I was sitting at the dining table with a friend and we were going through my tinder which had all genders selected (although tinder was still pretty binary then…) and we were both commenting on how hot we thought everyone was. Another friend came and joined us and asked what we were doing, to which we of course answered: “oh we’re just looking at hot girls on tinder”. I asked her what she thought of the girl we were currently looking at and she said “oh no I’m not into women” I ended up asking her again because I couldn’t quite wrap my head around what she meant… and in response she said “I’m not really attracted to her because I’m straight.” I think at that point I was like, oh…. I thought everyone was just attracted to everyone??? Which in retrospect I can only eyeroll a bit at my poor baby self… because it really did take me way to long to put it all together… So even though that was the exact moment, I think that was more like the moment I discovered the label applied to me rather than the moment I realised.

At what point did you realise that you were Non-Binary?

I think it was probably a similar experience to discovering I was bisexual. I realised over a year ago now when I was in USYD Queer Revue in 2018. Being around a community of trans people was something I’d never had before and listening to everyone talk about gender and how they felt made me realise that I had a lot of the same feelings… I bought a binder during the show and trying it on I just felt so like myself? I still sometimes feel insecure that I don’t have the classic narrative of knowing I was non-binary since I was a child, because it’s the narrative a lot of mainstream media likes to use for transness. But I think I needed the time to be experiment with femininity before I finally was able to put a name to how uncomfortable I’d been with it for most of my life. I think realising I was non-binary was a lot of putting pieces together rather than a moment of instant clarity. But I’m glad it took me awhile to experiment and figure out what identity fit me.

Have you noticed a distinct change in the way you present yourself from before these realisations to after? How has this changed since?

Definitely!!! I guess the first thing is that I stopped wearing things that make me uncomfortable! When I first came out I tried so hard to fit into the “traditional” narrative of being non-binary, which for afab non-binary people boils down to “if you’re not masc you’re not non-binary”. I wore my binder constantly, I lovvvved button ups and I wore a lot of low-waisted pants and baggy jumpers. After awhile I realised that it didn’t make me as happy as I thought it would, because even though I wasn’t being forced to perform femininity, I was still performing my gender. Now I think what I wear lies somewhere in the middle of what I used to wear before and after coming out. Before I came out I definitely tried as hard as I could to be the “perfect woman”. Lots of femme cut tops, dresses, skirts, heels (which god I hate wearing… just like so much…) and make-up. I still have a few of the clothing pieces I wore back then, but almost all of my wardrobe is completely different. I still wear elements now of what I used to wear – I have always been a jeans and graphic t-shirt person - but I now style them in very different ways.

I’ve also started to reclaim some of the things I vehemently rejected when I was in my masc phase. When I first came out I vowed I would never wear make-up again. But now I’ve come to love wearing make-up as a form of expression when I’m going out or to a party. I still feel pretty dysphoric wearing it day to day, but wearing colourful and bold make-up is something I’ve come to love again. I’ll also very occasionally wear a dress if I feel like it, but I tend to just wear the things that make me comfortable. Now basically all I wear is high-waisted jeans, they don’t give me a very masculine silhouette but when I see myself in photos or in the mirror I look like myself. I joke a lot that I wear a lot of dad fashion, and I think that’s maybe what I’ve become most comfortable in, knowing that people are probably still going to read me as a woman no matter what I wear (thank you heteronormativity…) so I may as well wear what makes me happy and for me that’s feeling like a fancy ass dad.

Do you believe that there is any weight to stereotypes about the way people dress based on their sexuality/gender? e.g. bi people tuck in their shirts, lesbians wear flannel etc. Do you believe that there are inherent differences in the way that lgbt+ people present themselves that make them more visible to other members of the community?

Oh god as someone who adheres to all the stereotypes (eep) this is a hard question! But yes, I think so. I think it really depends on the generation and identity. But I think a lot of people do wear things to make ourselves visible to each other. Whether that’s subtle things like adhering to stereotypes or more overt things like wearing activist or identity shirts.

But a lot of it just comes from LGBT+ culture. There’s an obvious style, way of talking, relating, and expression that LGBT+ people have developed historically and that almost all of us continue to participate in. I think a lot of it comes from musicians, particularly drag or music videos, historical figures like Bowie but now from lots of different singers like Janelle Monáe, Troye Sivan, Kim Petras, King Princess etc etc. I think stereotypes have developed because our culture is so prevalent, and most LGBT+ people adopt stereotypes unconsciously because we surround ourselves with people who express themselves in certain ways and are inspired by them. So, while sometimes we actively try to become visible to each other, I think it’s more that we’re all just hopelessly and lovingly enthralled in our own culture.

Do you feel that a lack of lgbt+ representation in media contributes to a more narrow, shared understanding of lgbt+ fashion, when compared to cis/het counterparts?

Oh god yes. Yes yes yes. Coming out as non-binary I think a lack of representation was so much of what contributed to me struggling with my identity. Before I came out I knew only ONE famous non-binary person… Ash Hardell I’m looking at you. While knowing about Ash was really helpful to me and representation of any form of expression is so important, the overwhelming narrative for afab non-binary people is that if you’re not masc presenting you’re not non-binary. For awhile that meant I tried so so hard to validate my identity by presenting as masculine as I possibly could. I cut my hair, I wore a binder every damn day, I wore joggers and button-ups, I wore hoodies constantly (because apparently to me that was the height of masculinity??). But after doing that for awhile, I realised I was just as unhappy eradicating every ounce of femininity from myself as I was when it was all I expressed. I think going through that process of experimentation was really important for me to realise that instead of trying to fit into what cis/het culture expected non-binary people to look like, I needed to just be myself first and wear what I love and want to wear and know myself that being non-binary is still part of who I am. And a HUGE part of that process was also finding femme presenting non-binary people, especially afab femme enbies. For me it helped enormously in accepting my body and realising that I didn’t have to hate it as violently as I was because it didn’t fit into the definition it was supposed to. Finding people like Dorian Electra (omg please do yourself a favour and look them up they are the epitomy of my gender), Alok Vaid-Menon, Tillett Wright, Sasha Velour etc etc made me realise that there are more ways to be non-binary than just one. Which is what is so damaging about having less representation – it only validates one path, so either you have to bush-bash yourself a new one (which is insanely tiring, emotionally exhaustive and scary) or you have to squeeze yourself into the one path that is provided for you to claim validity. Honestly, I could go on and on about representation but yes it’s so goddamn important. So Mark Zuckerberg and inc. if you’re reading this like I know you are FIX IT YOU HAVE SO MUCH MONEY PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD FIX IT.

When you are in an exclusively lgbt+ setting, do you feel pressured to “play up” your queerness? If so, does this heightened queer exterior feel more true to yourself?

Yes, I think there are still definitely elements of performance to being in a queer space. Sometimes they can be negative, which generally come from the part of me that is still insecure about my identity and worried about how valid I am. I think a lot of queer spaces still hold at their core a performance of queerness that can be a bit exhausting? As cliché as it is, watching Hannah Gadsby’s Nannettereally helped me understand that. Because part of being queer is finding ways to survive, and so much of queer culture revolves around making jokes about our experiences that sometimes are so limiting in how they allow us to exist. We are all just so starved of space to talk about queerness, that when we can I think we all tend to fall into the trap of performing our identities as much as humanly possible. I’m really curious about how other queer people feel about it, but I think for me there is definitely an element of performance that I still struggle with a little. However, I am still so indebted and so in love with queer spaces and queer people. I always feel so at ease being around people who share a way of thinking. And I mean hey, I’m queer, performing is in my blood.

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#thequeerlook #queerlook #the queer look #queer #bi #bisexual #bivisibility #lgbt #lgbtqia #lgbtqiaplus #nonbinary #non binary #pride #gay #pan #photography #portrait #portrait photography #identity #interview

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

Does dysphoria always mean that a person is transgender? For example, could a cis woman experience physical & social dysphoria, but still be a woman? I thought I was ftm for a few years, but being called a man felt off too. Then I started playing with genderqueer labels, but lately I've been wondering if I'm just a dysphoric cis woman. Is that a thing?

Lee says:

Identifying as trans is what makes someone trans. I actually recently read a book on gender dysphoria that said “Not everyone who is transgender experiences gender dysphoria, and not everyone who experiences gender dysphoria is transgender.”

Some cis people may experience dysphoria but not identify as trans, which seems to be more common with women and especially lesbians. Gay men also seem to have a higher rate of gender dysphoria than straight men, but they don’t seem to be able to be as open about it because of toxic masculinity.

A cis lesbian woman who got top surgery

The second question in this post is a cis gay man who wants bottom surgery

Is transitioning the only cure for gender dysphoria?

Can cis people have body dysphoria?

cisgender female who’d be happier without boobs

What are some examples of cis people experiencing gender dysphoria?

Cis With Dysphoria

Can cisgender people experience genital dysphoria?

Of course dysphoria is more commonly experienced by trans people than it is with cis people, and it’s experienced by many (and maybe even most) trans folk. But some trans people may not experience dysphoria, or label what they’re experiencing as dysphoria, so you don’t need dysphoria to be trans. 

Non-dysphoric trans people are still trans

More about non-dysphoric trans people

Non-dysphoric trans people

Gender euphoria

Do I have to have Dysphoria to be Trans?

I think it’s really invalidating and gatekeeper-y for someone to insist they know someone else’s gender better than they do.

If someone has questioned their gender and explored the trans community but ultimately decide that they’re cis but have dysphoria, who are we to say that’s invalid?

I think that it’s always best to believe someone when they state who they are, instead of trying to impose rules on their identity and claim they have to fit within certain guidelines to identity as either trans or cis.

If it isn’t okay to tell a trans person that they’re actually cis and in denial, it isn’t okay to tell cis people they’re actually trans and in denial.

So in the end, having dysphoria not having dysphoria doesn’t automatically make anyone trans or cis. Basically, yes, it’s possible to identify as a dysphoric cis woman or whatever makes you most comfortable.

Ren says:

There’s a lot of discussion about this (not all of it nice, or trans-inclusive). When it comes down to it, though, I’m not really sure that anybody can tell you what the answer is for you in particular.

A lot of people will say that it’s common for women to feel uncomfortable about their gender, because of misogyny, and also because a lot of womanhood is built on things that are inherently discomfiting (like sexualization and objectification). I can see where that argument is coming from, but I think it’s taking a lot of things for granted (like gender essentialism, i.e. the belief that gender is a static, unchangeable, unquestionable fact; a “universal female experience”, which simply does not exist; and the fact that being trans and otherwise queer can look and feel and be an infinite number of ways).

Generally, I would say that if your gender doesn’t feel right, it’s for a reason, and you should listen to that reason, and try to follow it. It sounds like that’s what you’ve been doing, which is great - but also that your journey thus far hasn’t been very fulfilling or productive for you, and it makes sense that it’s been a frustrating experience because of that.

Here is the advice I would offer. Let’s say that you can be a dysphoric cis woman. If that’s the case, what does being a cis woman mean to you? Likewise, what does your dysphoria mean to you? What are the changes you want to make in order to reduce that dysphoria, if any, and what do those changes mean to you?

A butch lesbian can consider herself a cis woman, experience dysphoria, and make changes to alleviate it - maybe the same changes that a genderqueer person or trans man would make. What would make that person trans is the decision to use the word.

If you find comfort and community and fulfillment in the word trans, then I would encourage you to keep exploring nonbinary identity - there is more out there than genderqueer. You may also consider looking into different ways that traditionally cis, but otherwise queer women experience gender: butch women, lesbians, and bi women have a rich history of expressing and understanding gender in very different ways from the traditional cis non-queer woman. It may be there that your journey takes you, and that is okay.

Here’s some resources that might give you some insight into other nonbinary identities and other queer gender experiences:

Non-binary resources

NB Flowchart

What am I?

Harper says:

I’m going to add on something a little contrary to your advice Ren, but I’d absolutely second the latter half of your advice: if a transgender embodiment is right for you, absolutely go ahead and embrace that, it is nothing to be ashamed of or shy away from if it is for you.

However, I’d absolutely say some cis women experience dysphoria, and I’d also say this is a point that can be made (and something that can be felt) without being gender essentialist at all.

Although dysphoria is often the grounding experience for a lot of trans people, and it is often the reason that many trans people seek medical assistance with their transitions.

However, if we’re going to talk about dysphoria, we need to first approach it from a wider approach. We are all living in the same world and so are subject to the same material and social forces. Each of these forces will impact us and affect us in different ways. These forces can be understood largely in terms of oppressive forces that systematically benefit the ruling class: rich, white, straight, cis men. In such a world, misogyny is a force that dictates which bodies are allowed to exist, and for what purpose.

I won’t make any rulings on what is and isn’t dysphoria, but an appreciation of dysphoria rooted in being non-consensually gendered (at birth: ”It’s a boy!”, “It’s a girl!”) can be a way forward. This notion always then reflects back onto constructions of gender that uphold cis heterosexuality: certain bodies are made to be girls, or women; and girls and women are aspects of a class that is made to always and only reflect back onto men for their advantage.

This is a violent and non-consensual state of affairs, and it is not one that will come with any comfort for anyone who doesn’t benefit from it: LGBT people, women, and so on. It doesn’t surprise me, at all, that a dysphoric experience can be attributed to an individual’s experiences within womanhood, and also to an individual’s experiences being otherwise gendered.

For example, as a trans lesbian, I experience dysphoria given the world’s instance that I should not be a woman (the “usual” dysphoria that comes with being trans). I also experience dysphoria when I dress in a way that makes me look “straight”. If I don’t dress in a way considered gay, or lesbian, etc., I get distressed, dysphoric. This latter dysphoria is completely within the axis of being a woman and the pressures that comes with to make myself available and centered around men: through the way I act and the way I dress.

I also know several cis women (admittedly all lesbians, so perhaps that limits the scope of my argument here), who experience dysphoria. Being cis doesn’t mean you can’t have a troubled relationship to gendered forces, and it doesn’t mean you can’t question them. It also doesn’t mean that you can’t, at any point, and for any reason, re-analyse your position to gender: to consider a transgender identity, or to re-consider your identification in sexuality.

I think, therefore, that the notion that “dysphoria means you’re trans” can be unhelpful; diverting women from a way of conceptualizing their profound discomfort to a world that aggressively sexualises and oppresses them. It can also divert attempts at solidarity within a community of trans and cis women, and between women and trans people as a whole. Dysphoria, and conversations about our lived experiences, can then be used to form a more cohesive (and less lonely) class appreciation of what it’s like to live under white heteropatriarchy.

In the meantime, see our dysphoria page, and the above links. Hope this helps somewhat!

#lee says #ren says #anonymous #harper says #dysphoria #questioning #caps #queer #q word #what is dysphoria #what is gender #transgenderteensurvivalguide #trans #transgender

[cassolotl]

Pronoun tips from binary men and women

Every once in a while I am asked (or see someone asking) how to use pronouns other than he/him and she/her. The person asking is usually a man or a woman unfamiliar with nonbinary stuff generally, but they’ve got a particular nonbinary person in their life whom they care about and they don’t want to mess up. Maybe they keep misgendering their nonbinary friend and they feel guilty, or they want to take the burden off the nonbinary person who keeps having to correct them, something like that.

When binary people lack that confidence with pronouns, they seek the advice of nonbinary people. Not only are we likely to give advice that’s not ideal for binary people (because we’ve got skin in the game, all our friends are nonbinary so we’re used to it, etc.), but it is another facet of that dynamic of the privileged group (in this case binary people) placing their burden onto the marginalised group. Binary people should be asking advice from other binary people who’ve mastered pronouns.

So, I asked, and a bunch of binary people answered. I got advice from trans and cis binary people (men and women), and I’m collecting all the common stuff and the stuff I thought was good, all here for your perusal. If you know a binary person who’s struggling to get pronouns right, pass this along.

[This article assumes that you know a specific nonbinary person and you want to get better at using their pronouns, though the advice can be adapted. It also assumes that you’re familiar with the concepts of singular they and neopronouns, and you accept that they’re grammatically correct.]

Update: Now available as a printable on Google Docs, in case you need to hand it to someone in person!

~

PRACTISE

Something that came up over and over, from cis and trans people, was that just like learning anything language-related, practise is essential. And like anything language-related, it is definitely possible to learn!

“If you can get into a hobby like, say, knitting, and learn how to use 'knit' vs 'purl' vs 'cast' vs 'bind' and so on, you can absolutely learn whichever pronouns are correct for the people you talk to, or about and use them as needed.“ --An anonymous cisgender binary person.

Practise a little bit every day. Language is maintained through regular and habitual use. “Pure repetition leaves these pronouns on the tip on my tongue.” --Anonymous cisgender binary person

Talk about the person and use the correct pronouns. You can talk about them to yourself or to a non-judgemental friend. Do this while they’re not around, so they don’t feel uncomfortable. “It really helped me having a friend [to practise with] who I trusted to not judge me when I got it wrong.“ --An anonymous cisgender binary person.

Think about the person and use their pronouns. “I would narrate what they were doing in my head using their name and chosen pronouns, so like. ‘They sat down and opened their textbook for the class.’” --Mason

Write about someone and use the pronouns you want to learn. Something magical about writing fixes things in our memories. Write about the person whose pronouns you’re trying to learn, or write a story about a fictional person with those pronouns. Compose a selection of phrases that use all five forms of the pronoun, and write them down. Rewrite a passage of a book you’re reading with different pronouns. “Every time you bugger up someone's pronouns, write a paragraph about them in your journal as practice - just, like, nice things about them - and do make it about focusing on them and who they are, not at all about your mistake or punishing yourself for it.“ --Anna K

Listen to/read works by other people using the pronouns. Podcasts, YouTube, fiction and non-fiction books, newspaper articles, queer socials where folks have a lot of nonbinary friends...

“Practice getting it wrong as well as getting it right, so that you can correct yourself smoothly and automatically.” --Anna K

~

TRICK YOURSELF

"Imagine your friend has a tiny buddy on them, like a puppet in their pocket, and you're talking about your singular friend and their buddy, so: ‘them’. Eventually you'll get used to saying they/them/their.” --An anonymous cisgender binary person.

Draw on your prior experience. If you’re queer and you’ve had to do the Pronoun Dance when talking about your partners before, pretend to yourself that you’re deliberately hiding someone’s gender from the person you’re talking to. If you’re used to not knowing friends’ genders because you only know them online, pretend to yourself that you’ve never met your nonbinary friend AFK before. “The most effective way I can get myself in the mental frame to consistently use they/them pronouns for someone who I've previously known as she/her or he/him, is by thinking of it as like I don't wish to disclose this person's gender to the audience (even if the audience is myself, in my thoughts).” --S

Many people commented that tricking yourself often naturally and accidentally leads to...

~

CHANGE HOW YOU THINK ABOUT GENDER

“View the people you're talking about as people, and their gender(s) as valid. This is the most helpful thing.“ --Kaelen

Start using singular they when talking about people whose genders you don’t know. This was recommended by a LOT of binary people. It cements the idea that you can’t know someone’s gender or pronouns unless they’ve told you, and it detaches pronouns from gender presentation and your own assumptions based on appearance.

Research genders that defy the binary. Get comfortable with the subject, understand that what people tell you about themselves is important and personal to them, and accept that any gender that someone earnestly tells you they experience is valid.

Get used to the idea that you don’t know anyone’s gender until they tell you. “If I knew Shirley used they/them pronouns, I might slip and say ‘she is over there’ but if I train myself to believe I am not fully aware of their gender (only they are!) than I can say ‘they are over there’ more confidently and assured.” --Maria

Think of people as masculine and feminine instead of male and female. “Something that I'm sure also helps is seeing certain looks/types not as "male/female" but as fem/masc. There can be a masc female, a fem male, and so on and so forth.” --An anonymous nonbinary trans-masc person.

~

IN THE MEAN TIME

If you’re struggling, use the person’s name in a pinch. It’s better than misgendering them, and it can keep the natural flow of conversation going so that it’s not all about their pronouns.

When you mess up, correct yourself and move on. “I think I'm a lot less likely to make the same mistake again if I catch myself and amend it.“ --helen

Don’t say sorry, say thank you. "If you misgendered someone and are corrected pls say “thank you” rather than “I’m sorry” - apology forces that person to tell you it’s ok, which is strange. THANK YOU suggests that u understand it’s not okay and you’re grateful to have been corrected!” --Dan Owens on Twitter.

~

BE KIND TO YOURSELF

Accept that you’ll make mistakes and that’s okay. “There is no fast, there's no short cut for it except making sure you do it regularly, and correcting yourself when you inevitably get it wrong. It isn't actually a huge deal, most non-binary people recognise the difference between a slip up (particularly if you knew the person pre-coming out) and wilful misgendering.” --CJ Atkinson

Privately say/think kind things to yourself when you get it right. Learning new pronouns can be really hard and positive reinforcement is good for you!

Forgive yourself when you get it wrong. Don’t beat yourself up, because everyone gets it wrong sometimes and you can’t learn if you don’t make mistakes. “Don't punish yourself for slipping up. As long as you're trying you're good.” --An anonymous trans binary person.

Start easy and work up. “When it comes to neopronouns they become easier to use after learning they/them because you've already got a base to work off of, if you will.” --An anonymous nonbinary trans-masc person.

~

DON’T PUT IT ON THEM

It’s your responsibility. If you’re reading this then you probably already know this! No one should have to work to have their identity recognised and respected, no matter how uncommon their pronouns are. “Not putting the onus of correction on the person I've misgendered has been key for me.” --helen

Don’t ask a nonbinary person to correct you. It is exhausting and depressing to have to correct other people on your pronouns all the time. If you need someone to correct you, ask your binary friends to correct you and each other, whether the nonbinary person is within earshot or not.

Don’t talk to them about how hard their pronouns are. Nonbinary people have to deal with a steady stream of “I’m really sorry, I am trying but it’s just so hard.” We know it’s hard for some people and we get it, but we also know that it is possible and quite frankly, as the people in the middle ring of the Kvetching Order we’re not the ones you should be complaining to.

#original posts #gender #nonbinary #pronouns #resources

[aftertheworldends-blog1]

My Two Cents On Writing Trans and Genderqueer Characters Without Focusing On Their Bodies

a.k.a. Upping your game in the sci-fi&fantasy inclusivity challenge

(a tale of a genderqueer author figuring it out zerself)

Let’s start with this: my world has no gender binary assumptions. It is a futuristic speculative version of our reality, so the history of the binary is there; therefore, people have an understanding of man and woman, but also an understanding of bi-, tri-, multigender, genderfluid, etc.

Gender norms have been tossed and nobody gives a damn about them anymore. But most importantly, they have an understanding that the body of a person doesn’t define them.

 So, how do you describe FULL gender diversity in a world which doesn’t focus on bodies or gender stereotypes.

Quick answer is: you don’t.

 If you are going to be respectful towards the gender of your characters, then you mustn’t fall into the trap of doing the opposite of what you’re advocating for.

The thing is, that in a world like mine, any and every of my characters could be trans and it wouldn’t matter. There are trans characters I have introduced who have not been explicitly outed, unless you have stumbled upon my online list of transgender and genderqueer OCs.

Here are some of the mistakes authors (and most specifically cis authors) could and have made in order to “reveal” a character as trans:

- have them be misgendered or their identity otherwise disrespected

- have them be the object of a hate crime

- have them “play the role” of who they were assigned at birth

- talk about their bodies

 Let’s get this question out of the way:

But Rori, I write romance/erotica and I want to describe my character’s bodies!

Here’s an actual trans reader and writer who has a brilliant piece about this topic. (Warning: the author is very straightforward so beware the 18+ content, plus use of the *q-word*.)

Their strongest point is: detailed description of body-parts could jolt a trans or gender-nonconforming reader out of the story. If you intend to cater to trans readers, and intend to be respectful towards trans characters, maybe lay off the genitalia talk.

I guarantee reading trans authors would give you better ideas how to handle this, but here’s a quote from a yet-unpublished story from my world:

“My hotel has excellent room service,” I say.

She just nods and kisses me again. As I press against her, working my hips so my desire would show, I could tell by the similar reactions of her body, that these first minutes of exploring each other have been as good for her as they have for me.

~ ‘I Think I Know What Love Is’ by Rori I

 Parts 2&3 of the article above talk more about how to avoid trapping your characters in a box and I think it has something valuable to say about describing a body for SF&F authors as well. (It references “Ancillary Justice” in particular ^^)

  Back to topic.

Mine is not a yes or no solution. There have been trans authors who have successfully included negative experiences of being trans in their stories. (A. Sieracki and Austin Chant come to mind.) But they are trans authors – they don’t need my list of things you could do to respect your OCs. Those are their stories.

 (Quick thing: I identify as genderqueer yet exclusionary attitudes still have me pausing on saying “our stories” even if it shouldn’t.)

 So how do we make space for trans people in writing—or most importantly, how do you represent trans people well—when you shouldn’t be making the mistakes described above.

Well, here’s a thing: you don’t have to have done anything to your body, or to be presenting a certain way, to be trans. Trans people come in all shapes and sizes.

People who use pronouns alternative to “she” or “he” have been by far the easiest.

My solution was to have everybody introduce themselves with their name and pronoun, which supports the idea that there are NO assumptions and no gender norms in my world. This way, I have already introduced a few characters as fluid, and one character who uses “zie” and is multigender.

As for the rest:

Unless you don’t want to focus at all on the character, there are ways to talk about their trans identity without stereotyping.

 1. A change of pronoun.

An example from my world would be when a character (Sergeant Sophronia Ulu) decides she will begin using “she/her”; the others acknowledge that change, and then move on to other things. You could write similar off-hand mentions to demonstrate that such a change is addressed but not obsessed over in your world.

Note: you don’t have to have the character be misgendered to show the change. The character can open the conversation with the news of their new pronouns, or you could have in-world signs that a character uses a certain pronoun.

Nowadays, some people use bracelets or buttons. Even in a fantasy universe, there could be a way to represent that – a symbol sewn into the clothes, a certain type of crown or other jewelry.

I warn you though that this method should still not be used to represent the person’s body. Don’t say “this person had sewn a fox symbol on her clothes, meaning she’d used magic to become female”.  Say “the fox was a symbol of womanhood” or “the fox on the jacket/tunic/whatever directed me to using feminine pronouns”.

Also, don’t single out your trans characters. If they wear a symbol, have cis characters wear it too!

 2. Another way would be to have the character reference their trans-ness in some form themselves.

For contemporary stories, it could be as easy as saying, “I am trans.” If you’re writing SF&F and have chosen to be as ambiguous as I have, here is the way I’ve tried to approach it:

“Well— […] I was supposed to meet my doctor on Tuesday, after this team gathering thing. I missed my last two chances for doctor’s appointment because of work and because I was on a vacation. If this occupation lasts for weeks – which it might – I might miss my next hormone doze. F**k it, I shouldn’t have cancelled my appointments!”

“You can’t miss a dose at all?” Rutherford wondered.

“Well, I could, but I don’t want to, and it makes me nervous. With the implant, I have never skipped one since I was fifteen.”

~ Chapter 27, ‘Blacklight’ by Rori I

 This is not ideal and does make the character uncomfortable, but it doesn’t put them in harm’s way. Most importantly, it is an opportunity to show respect towards the trans experience:

[M]odern healthcare was attentive to patient’s needs and everybody with a hormone implant received regular dosage, pre-programmed and regulated by physicians during scheduled check-ups. Nobody had to worry about forgetting to take a hormone pill – the implant was so much part of them that they never had to think it was there, or so Gareth had been told.

“We’re on an Army base, Suarez,” Gareth reminded. “Somebody could have a look at your implant.”

~ Chapter 27, ‘Blacklight’ by Rori I

 It gives you the chance to make space for trans and genderqueer individuals, to make them a respected part of your world.

This is perhaps the most important question when you include any diversity in your story: how does my world accommodate this character’s needs and if it doesn’t why shouldn’t it?

And let’s make this clear right now: accommodating the needs of anyone, based on their identity, their ethnicity, their race, their physical or mental health, is not a troublesome burden which authors have had forced upon them because of PC culture.

If you however believe it is, you are simply better off not including diversity in your novel. Any identity must be treated with the respect it deserves or left alone.

Therefore, a world must have tools in place to address the needs of any individual it includes. If it doesn’t, there better be a good reason why.

 And here is my last bit of advice:

Talk to trans and genderqueer people. Seek out Beta readers who can help you with representing them correctly. Do your research. Read a lot of literature written by trans authors. Here’s a list of some you can start with.

And when you get all that feedback on your story, don’t take it as “good enough”. 

The implant idea you see described in the above excerpt came from a trans acquaintance. This didn’t mean it put a stop on how far I must go to accommodate trans characters.

 Finally, one more time, and I hope this helps: if any of these steps, ideas, hints, give you a headache and overwhelm you rather than inspire you to change your story-world, then I am afraid inclusivity might not be for you.

And that’s just how it is.

 As always:

Stay readin’!

Ro-ri

#trans character #genderqueer character #genderfluid #nonbinary #transgender #multigender #gender non-conforming #writing #writing advice #writers #writing tips #queer lit #queer literature #queer authors #lgbt characters #lgbt literature #lgbt books #rainbow books #rainbow characters #rainbow authors #author help #writer advice

[hadarlaskey]

Why we need more trans*-positive media like Netflix’s Disclosure

You’d be forgiven for not knowing Disclosure had been released – I only stumbled upon it between Noah Centineo romcoms and true-crime docs on Netflix. Why would the streaming giant purchase a documentary about trans* representation? Perhaps they feel guilty for cancelling the Wachowskis’ Sense8, one of surprisingly few trans*-produced media the documentary shows. Still, it’s great to see Sam Feder, director of Boy I Am and Kate Bornstein is a Queer and Pleasant Danger, given a mainstream platform.

Disclosure is a great conversation starter, and the range of trans* talking heads is itself an achievement. If anyone doubts its relevance today, see the naïveté of Halle Berry wanting to play a trans* man (it’s been 18 years since her Oscar win) or the damaging comments by JK Rowling on Twitter. Hopefully they’ll watch Jen Richards or Laverne Cox tearfully recall the impact insensitivity has on trans* people’s self-perception.

I hope to elaborate on Disclosure’s examples so you know what to explore next. I’ve written on Lukas Dhont’s Girl and representations of gender construction for this publication. More importantly, I’ve been hurt by bad representation and, having appeared on the BBC’s University Challenge and suffered abuse, I understand the importance of improving public perception to make transitioning easier. As Cox says, we simply need “more”.

Disclosure is decidedly US-centric. This isn’t a problem as it doesn’t claim to cover universal experience. Richards’s reflection on a dad’s pride in his trans* kid and her realisation her own mum doesn’t see her that way is heart-breaking. People need to see support – the stream of clips reveals the shocking frequency of trans* characters dying on screen. Media influences people undergoing transition, revealing how perceptions of trans* lives form.

Looking at international media offers more positive trans* representation. Disclosure briefly shows Daniela Vega in A Fantastic Woman and Belgian drama Ma Vie En Rose. But films like Céline Sciamma’s Tomboy should be celebrated for showing the importance of supporting a child’s identity exploration. Similarly, Fred Zinnemann’s The Member of the Wedding is an American masterpiece which has fallen into obscurity. Trans* historians like Susan Stryker bring light to those forgotten stories – her ‘Transgender History’ is an accessible overview of contexts within which the images in Disclosure were created.

We mustn’t look past the horror trope of the trans* villain in this history, from Hitchcock’s Psycho through Dressed to Kill and The Silence of the Lambs. In Men, Women and Chainsaws, Carol Clover claims these films create a gendered binary between the camera’s masculine ‘assaultive gaze’ and the viewer’s feminine ‘reactive gaze’. Its influence has percolated into supposedly positive films – think of the scene in Girl when Lara cuts off her ‘penis’. The camera follows her, watching from behind, just as the point-of-view shot in the opening of Halloween aligns us with the murderer.

Girl must be condemned for portraying this life-threatening act which could influence dysphoric people. Netflix delayed its American release to consult GLAAD in creating a website for people affected. Dhont’s film uses an extreme scenario to force cis audiences to empathise. It doesn’t empower trans* viewers. Showing trans* characters’ genitals justifies the investigation of how trans* bodies are sexed. We don’t leave that curiosity behind – voyeurism isn’t worn like 3D glasses. But we lack cinematic omniscience outside, so knowledge is gained by verbal or physical force.

In Boys Don’t Cry, Brandon’s trousers are removed by two men to reveal Hilary Swank’s vagina. Jack Halberstam claims in his book ‘In a Queer Time and Place’ that we stop looking with Brandon and look at him. Gazing does cissexist violence to Brandon as his male gender becomes an illusion. As in The Crying Game, genital exposure is narrative pleasure – the mystery genre’s thrill of revelation. Questions we’ve been trained to ask – is he trans*? has she had surgery? – show we’ve internalised cinema’s transphobia.

Disclosure shows how trans* people feel watching these scenes. If we are supposed to gain pleasure by a character’s failure to ‘pass’, for a trans* person it’s devastating. Micha Cárdenas discusses this in ‘Shifting Futures’. When someone modulates their appearance to survive, what Cárdenas calls “shifting”, their value is determined by the perceiver. By contrast, Cáel Keegan’s book on the Wachowskis argues their films like The Matrix are trans*-positive because gender is defined within the film’s aesthetic instead of the outside world’s constructed binary. No one needs to ‘shift’ because there’s no gender binary.

At the end of her 1975 essay ‘Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema’, Laura Mulvey called for the negation of gazing through avant-garde techniques. I don’t believe this is how trans* voices should be heard. Rather, we need a counter-cinema within the mainstream, like the Wachowskis have created. When we watch trans* bodies, we shouldn’t be aware of their transness. We should all simply be allowed to be. Wouldn’t that be nice?

The post Why we need more trans*-positive media like Netflix’s Disclosure appeared first on Little White Lies.

source https://lwlies.com/articles/netflix-disclosure-trans-representation-on-screen/

#movie