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loquarocoeur · 2 days

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Lestappen Fic Masterpost

Yours dynamic:

All independent fics with the top Charles, bottom Max dynamic . They can, but don't have to be read as the same universe

Yours (54k words)

Read the tags for kinks

Charles looks much too satisfied as Max leans back against the door, one eyebrow tugging up as he asks, “Do you want to fight?”

“Of course I want to fight.”

Charles only looks slightly amused. “Then fight.”

"Stop fucking telling me what to do!" Max yells.

Charles cocks his head. "What, because it turns you on?"

Alternatively:

Max doesn't want to like Charles, but Charles makes that really fucking difficult sometimes

Love Languages:

Foreign language kink

En Français (5k words)

Max does not speak French.

Did he take five years of French in school? Sure. Did he learn anything? Fuck no.

But he wants to know what Charles is saying when he's gossiping with Pierre or sharing anecdotes with Arthur or telling his mother about his week and he really, really wants to know what Charles is saying when he traps Max under his weight and presses kiss after kiss to every part of his face while he rattles on in French so fast Max barely catches ‘chéri’.

Charles cannot under any circumstances know about it though.

Alternatively:

Max secretly starts learning French and Charles catches him doing a Duolingo lesson and has a bit of a crisis about how Max sounds speaking French

In het Nederlands: (9k words)

"Maaax," Charles moans, flopping on the bed next to Max. "I think I just need to hear what it sounds like again, like the rhythms and sounds, you know? Say a sentence for me quickly?"

"Je bent volkomen belachelijk, er is geen reden om Nederlands te leren en je martelt ons allebei," Max tells him immediately before he sits up to look at his messages. (You're completely ridiculous, there is no reason for you to learn Dutch and you're just torturing us both.)

Charles sits up too, nodding thoughtfully. "What did you say?"

"Don't worry about it."

Alternatively:

Charles makes it his life's mission to learn Dutch, butchering Max's native language and breaking his eardrums in the process, but then Charles calls him schatje and Max can't handle it even a little bit

Il Calore: (7k words)

Temperature/Ice Play

"Charles," Max complains, even as his hand slips into Charles' hair to keep him there where he's mouthing against his sea salted skin, and he's already given in. "I'm hot."

Charles chuckles as he mouths a kiss right below Max's navel, licking up salt and sweat, and says, "Yes. Yes, you are."

Max sighs, half in annoyance, but he's already melting into the sheets under Charles' tongue.

Alternatively:

Max is melting in the Italian summer heat and Charles' way of cooling him down is to get him hot and bothered.

Down Deep (11k words)

The summary says it all

It's just a thing Charles says sometimes.

"Fuck, I should keep you filled with my come all day."

What he doesn't expect is the way that, this time, Max whines and babbles, "Yes. Yes, please, keep it in me all day, want it, Charles, please."

Alternatively:

Charles gives Max exactly what he wants

Settle Down (11k words)

Cock warming

"Hmm." Charles puts a finger under Max's chin to tilt his head up to look at him. "Look, I'm not trying to minimise it, you're right to be upset and I do want to listen to you, so don't kick me when I say this, I'm just trying to help you."

"Say what?" Max snaps.

Charles looks at him a second. "Will you calm down if I give you my cock under the desk?"

Alternatively:

Sometimes Max just needs a little help to calm down.

Pretty (6k words)

Praise kink

Max huffs. “I’ve looked at myself plenty of times and I don’t see it.”

“What, that you’re pretty?” Charles asks in absent confusion, sounding like he’s a little too distracted by his determination to press kisses down the stubble on Max’s jaw to even really know what they’re talking about.

“Uh, yeah,” Max just says. “I’m just not all that pretty, Charles.”

Charles freezes and then he sits up and looks at Max with a look of utter horror. "What do you mean you're not that pretty?"

Alternatively:

Charles makes sure Max knows that he is, in fact, very pretty

Other smut:

ie. the one top Max fic I wrote only to never write another

Kiss It Better (11k words)

Charles was known to be a bit dramatic, Max had always known this about him.

Max almost gets a heart attack when Charles texts him:

Chéri

Come get me it hurts

Alternatively:

Five times Charles is dramatic about the most minor of injuries imaginable (and how Max handles that) and one time he's actually hurt and doesn't fucking say anything

Fluff:

Established Relationship:

Puppy Eyes (6k words)

Max wants to say no so badly.

But Charles has the dog pressed to his cheek and they have those matching pleading faces right next to each other and, really, Max is just proud of himself for not dissolving into a puddle on the floor.

How is he meant to say no to them when they look at him like that?

Alternatively:

Leo and Charles are carbon copies of each other who team up to weasel anything their hearts desire out of Max. But turns out puppy eyes work on Charles too.

Black Cat Behaviour (5k words)

"Hmm?" Max hums sleepily, right as the cat makes a half-aware mrrp.

Identical.

Oh god that's cute.

Alternatively:

Max has no idea just how much he behaves like his cats

High Maintenance (5k words)

"You're really fucking high maintenance, you know that?" Max tells Charles quite sincerely as he clings to Max from behind, limbs wrapped tight around Max who is trying very hard to squirm out of his arms and get out of bed to be productive.

"No, I'm not, what are you talking about? All I need to be happy is cuddles and you are denying me."

Max sighs and gives up again, going slack in Charles' immovable grip, much to Charles' apparent satisfaction.

Alternatively:

Charles is really high maintenance. Max is less annoyed about it than he pretends to be

One shots:

The Cat Conspiracy (5k words)

"Max, you didn't tell me they were so cute in person," he laments. "Can I?" He gestures toward the little fuckers.

Max is speechless for a second before he says, helplessly, "Of course."

And Sassy just lets him pet her.

She starts purring.

Alternatively:

Charles comes over one time and the cats decide they like him better than Max and then he keeps coming over and being all cute with them and calling them baby and Max can't decide whether he's more jealous of Charles or of the cats.

Author's note:

Will try and keep this updated if I write smth new, might change it at some point

Anyway, feel free to ask me any questions abt anything or just yap at me <3 (please yap at me)

#lestappen #max verstappen #charles leclerc #masterpost #writing #lestappen fic #formula 1

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ask-lute · 2 days

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((OOC))

I want to take a moment and let people know that I am hitting a point where I've had a few...less than great asks or reblogs and I will be firmer with my boundaries. I love doing this, truly, but as you've probably noticed my response time has slowed down recently. Part of that is because I'm working on some cool things for everyone, unfortunately another part of that is the emotional drain I get with some interactions.

I want this to be fun for everyone, but one thing I'm going to make absolutely clear right now is that if you are a minor who tries to inappropriately RP with this account even though it is clearly designated 18+, if you are violent and feel the need to vent that to my asks, or if you are overtly sexual then I will be giving you one chance to correct that behavior and if it isn't, you will be blocked.

I want to expand the lutualverse, and keep telling stories not have to shut this part of it down because I'm emotionally exhausted from negative interactions.

That being said, I do love you all and I thank you everyday that you've given me the opportunity to do this. I want you to know that I appreciate your asks and reblogs so much. Now let's all have fun, k?

-💜Lilith

I'm taking today off to work on stuff for the blogs and recalibrate myself, and I might be taking tomorrow too. But I'll be back to yell at you about not being a pigeon soon enough.

#ask lute #hazbin hotel lute #lute #lute hazbin hotel #ask #send asks #send me asks #ask me anything #ask the characters #lute hazbin #lutualverse #lutuals

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lemotmo · 21 hours

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Ooof that finale was…..not it. Like my first issue was they for some reason let Kristen write it. I honestly thought we were free of her with the move to abc but alas apparently not. And she very much made her presence known with how off the finale felt in terms of pacing and just how ooc some of them felt at times. Not to mention the continuing saga of her former reign in making Buck an over sexualized character by turning his dad trauma into a way for Tommy to make jr into a daddy kink joke which was just…. No thanks. Otherwise it just was such a….lackluster finale? And I found myself bored at moments.

And then the season over all I’m left wondering what was the point of half of it ? Like Bathena didn’t get to enjoy their honeymoon. They have no house now. The Amir plot which while I loved the character, ultimately led to nothing? The cartel storyline didn’t need to happen and bringing them back was boring. Bobby being dead for 14 minutes and coming into the station at the end perfectly fine was such a wtf moment even for tv standards.

Henren didn’t get to adopt their baby. They got a foster daughter instead only to then….lose her ? And have her be given to Madney instead for them to visit like truly this was just drama for drama sake and ultimately pointless pain for them.

Madneys wedding got rushed and ultimately turned into a 2 minute hospital room scene. We didn’t even get to see ant build up to the wedding.

Buck: He came out as bi which yesssss 🎉🎉🎉 only to then immediately be forced back into his hamster wheel, stuck in yet another relationship with someone who doesn’t seem to even like him, and is rude to him. And then turned into essentially a background character the rest of the season. I truly feel bad for Oliver because he was so so so excited for bi buck, and so happy and hopeful they would do it right and with respect and not over sexualize it and this is what he gets. A boring rude generic LI making daddy kink jokes and no real development into this part of himself. It’s truly no surprise he did nothing to promote that relationship or this finale.

Eddie and Chris. We hardly saw Chris. And then the way they rushed him leaving at the very end was so… not it. Not to mention so out of sorts for him? Like we have seen when he’s mad at Eddie he always goes to Buck. But this time he calls his grandparents at 2 am and asks them to come rake him to Texas indefinitely? Then the Buck Chris talk. I love their scenes together but even it felt off? And then they systematically undid any progress with Eddie’s parents with Helena often coming off filled with glee over it, and Ramon taking his own guilt in Eddie to make him accept it. Then we have Eddie himself. What was the point of Marisol? There doesn’t seem to be one. And why we had to suffer Edy all season remains a mystery since Tim said she came back because he didn’t want two off screen breakups. Only to then do two off screen breakups. What was the point of Kim? I had hopes they would actually use her to move Eddie along and then they just…didn’t? Even Ryan said he thinks all she did was make it worse.

I will give the show credit because they did stick to the try for buddie scene in every episode. And they had some good scenes. Ryan and Oliver knocked their scenes out in the finale especially but once again we are at the finale and it’s left in a…. Now what ? No real movement forward. Once again all of us going oh next season for sure! And no real clear path toward it. and based on Ryan’s interviews tonight, where it once again sounds like they have no idea what to do with Eddie next season due to the vast amount of directions they seem to want to take him, including apparently Ryan saying in one of them that Tim seems to want to lean more into the Bobby Eddie similarities next season and have Eddie focus a lot more on religion, but Ryan does say he doesn’t think Eddie will become a priest. But still it’s just like… what are we doing. It’s given more we don’t wanna say yes to Buddie and follow the clear narrative direction butttttttt we want the views sooooo let’s make it open ended enough to draw them in. Again.

They said at the start they were going to give, or try to give the fans what they wanted this season and truly, I’m utterly baffled how anyone thought any of this is what we wanted. Like we wanted Henren to get their baby. Madney to have the best wedding. Bathena to thrive and get their honeymoon and have some adventures. Buddie to become buddie and enjoy the Buckley Diaz family in an official capacity. And instead we got circles upon circles with lazy choices taken where they could and next to no real character growth or movement. I’m so sorry for how long this got 😅😅😅

Oh Nonny, how I agree with everything you said here. You get me.

I just posted my episode review and most of the things I talked about are the same things you highlighted.

It was written by Kristen? Ah, that explains a lot actually.

I didn't mind the Diaz parents though. I really do think they were trying to help out in their own way. But all the rest of this post? YEEEES!!!!

I can still see the Buddie of it. I'm still hanging in there. There were too many strange choices made in season 7 to make me believe that Buddie isn't going to happen in season 8. Not to mention the amazing chemistry between Buddie compared to whatever it is they are trying to show us with BT. However, they are on thin ice here. I agree. Things need to start moving along. If not... after season 8 I will retreat to my little nook of Tumblr living off good Buddie fan fiction.

I didn't read any of the Ryan interviews yet. Him leaning into religion and the parallel with Bobby I did see coming. The prayer book was too obvious. I wonder why they had 6 interviews lined up with Ryan over this episode? I get that his storyline is important, but it doesn't warrant 6 interviews, not even the religious aspect of it. I'm going to read some of them today to try and get a clearer image.

I just feel like all of my beloved 911 characters don't have any clear direction at this point. I was surely hoping for some more insight, but all we got was superficial storytelling and no real breakthroughs for anyone.

I don't understand what all those journalists that screened this episode were talking about when they said they saw clear directions for season 8. For me it is the opposite at this point. Where are they taking all of this???

#911 spoilers #nonnies galore #buddie #7x10 thoughts #season 8 speculation #buddie thoughts and speculation

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streamafterlaughter · 6 hours

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Safe

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summary: a night out with your friends turns sour, but you’re rescued by an unexpected hero

A/N: i wrote a chapter based on this post for my main fic, but feel a desperate need to write it again putting more detail into it bc i love a fictional man covered in blood idk what to tell you!!! let me know if you want a part II, im feeling a miniverse comin’ on (dw, chapter 23 of FD is in the works, i promise!) reblogs and comments always appreciated!

tags/tw: friends to lovers, mentions of sexual harassment, blood, violence (eddie gets in a fight), swearing, slut shaming, confessions, drunkish!eddie. (lmk if i missed something!) fluff, angst, slight hurt/comfort. reader and eddie are about 22-23, out of high school, happy etc etc. best friend!robin and best friend!steve feature, of course.

—

Your friendship had been simple, at first. You and Eddie had met as kids, before boys had cooties and girls were lame. Eddie had been cornered on the playground, by some giants in the grade above you. They'd shoved him against the chain link fence, their greasy leader demanding he hand over his lunch money. When Eddie blubbered that he didn’t have any, that he hadn’t eaten lunch in weeks, the goons cackled at him, shoving him to the ground while calling him things like “trailer trash.” You couldn’t stand it, even at eleven years old. The poor kid, with hair buzzed closely to his scalp, dressed in all black, carrying around a battered notebook with doodles of dragons on its cover. Your face had warmed with anger, hands balled into fists ready to swing on the group that would outnumber you five to two, or five to one if you were being realistic. This kid clearly wasn’t a fighter.

“Hey!” You had shouted, stomping your worn out converse against the mulch of the playground. “What the hell are you doing, Jared?” You hadn’t been afraid to get in the kid’s face, brows furrowed together as you jabbed your tiny finger into his puffed out chest. “What’s he ever done to you, huh? I don’t think it’s his fault your mother left.” You know now, it wasn’t the nicest thing to say, but it had worked. Jared’s goons had gone silent, anticipating his retort, but all he’d done was cry. What a bitch.

When he’d run, tail tucked between his legs, you’d turned to the cowering boy behind you, offering your hand. “You okay?”

He’d nodded, clearly still shaken up but trying to be brave. “I can take care of myself.” Of course, it had been embarrassing. Not because you were a girl, or younger than him, but you were braver. You didn’t give a shit what people thought of you. Even then, he could tell. You were fucking cool.

”Yeah, sure looked like it. Whatever. I’m Y/n.” You held out your hand to him again, this time to shake, like you were a seasoned lawyer, or something.

“Eddie.” He’d taken your hand, given it a brief shake, but you could tell he was nervous by the way your palm stuck to his.

”Hi, Eddie. You wanna walk to Benny’s with me? Get some burgers?”

He’d shaken his head. “I don’t have money.”

You’d only shrugged. “I got it.” You didn’t think mentioning that Benny was your uncle, or that you and your friends could always eat free, was worth mentioning. From that day on, you and Eddie had been inseparable.

—

The Hideout is loud. You’re wrapped around your best friend’s arm as he leads you through the bar. It’s the only time you’ve seen this place busy, let alone filled with people that don’t qualify for a discount at Denny’s.

The crowd must be the fault of the band. They're full of life on the tiny stage in the back of the bar, somehow convincing patrons to take to the sticky wooden floor to dance.

“You wanna drink, sweets?” You hear him even over the loud music, like a siren call meant only for you.

“Yes, please!” You look up at Eddie, who’s already staring at you. His rich brown eyes sparkle in the dancing stage lights, and you find your tongue in knots at the sight of him.

He nods, sliding his jacket from your shoulders before seating you at a table. “I’ll be right back!” He promises before skipping off to the bar. You keep your eyes trained on him, hypnotized by the way he glided towards the bar, weaving between the mass of gyrating bodies.

You can’t exactly pinpoint when your feelings for him started changing. You assume it had to have been high school. He started growing his hair out, dressing in leather and denim, and listening to a lot of heavy metal. Something about it was attractive to you, watching your best friend become the man he is now, at twenty three years old.

Even with an exterior most find scary, Eddie is still the kindest soul you know. That’s what really pulled you in. He’s always treated you with kindness and care, never once letting you leave his house angry, and knowing just what to say to calm you down. He always makes sure you’re home safe after a night drinking, sometimes even willing to forfeit his own fun to drive you to your place, or crash at his trailer.

Of course, these feelings have stayed stuffed deep, deep down. You can’t bring yourself to ruin what you have with him, risking your closest friendship to maybe be told what you want to hear.

“Hey! You still in there?” Eddie waves his decorated hand a few inches from your face, and you’re dragged back to earth. He places your drink on the table in front of you.

“Yeah, sorry.”

“Penny for your thoughts?” He rests his chin on his knuckles, full attention on you, and you feel your face warm.

“Just happy to be out with you is all.” Not a lie, but not exactly the truth. Safe.

“Alright.” He’s never been one to pry. “You wanna dance?” The song has changed to something slower, and you try not to read into his timing as you nod your head cautiously, taking Eddie’s hand as he leads you to the floor.

Eddie places his hands on either of your hips, and you can’t help but stiffen. “This alright?” He must have felt it too.

“Yes, yeah,” You stumble to reassure him, nervous you’ll scare him off. He’s always been such a gentleman, so careful with you.

You drape your arms around his neck loosely, casually. Safely. Still just two friends, swaying to some angst ridden tune you can’t understand the words to.

—

It’s later when Steve and Robin arrive, already drunk from spending the night at a concert in the city. You’re still not down for the count, and Eddie’s nursing his sixth drink of the night as the music has switched from guitar driven to computer beats coming from a turntable.

“Since when does The Hideout hire DJs?” Robin shouts over the bass driven music, eyes squinting in the bright lights.

“Ever since the place sold to some big wig in Indy, they’ve been doing this shit on weekends!” Eddie informs her as Steve starts talking about how “this is actually a great business tactic.” You decide now is a good time to slip back to the bar for a refill.

Unfortunately, you are one of about fifty people to have that idea, and you groan as you fight to find an open space along the counter. You mumble “excuse me” after “sorry” after “move, please!” until you’ve almost reached the front. As you’re about to order, you feel a hand squeeze your ass.

You whip your head around, and come face to face with a large, muscular man in a tight t-shirt and even tighter jeans.

“Hey, baby,” He winks, the disgusting smirk on his face sending a chill through your body. “You here all by yourself, gorgeous?” Your throat tightens. This is what it’s like, you know that. You shouldn’t be by yourself, that was your mistake. Your throat tightens, impossibly dry, before looking back up at this man. He is seemingly a foot and a half taller than you, likely able to break you in half using only his bicep, and he’s is standing way too close. You can even smell the whiskey on his tongue. “Uh, well,”

“Cmon, let’s go dance, huh?” He interrupts, snatching your wrist with an iron grip, and you squeeze your eyes shut as he leads you towards the dance floor, already formulating an escape route. You’ll say you need to use the bathroom, then you’ll find your friends and leave. Easy enough, right? Unfortunately as you reach the dance floor, the song slows again and you find yourself flush against this beast of a man, his big arms caging you into his chest. You feel the tears start to well in your eyes, blurring your already obscured vision. Your heart drops into your stomach when you realize you are completely, fully, and hopelessly trapped.

—

“Sooo,” Robin turns to Eddie, who’s been staring across into space, daydreaming about you for the last five minutes. “Where’s your girl?”

“What?” He’d heard her, but he wants to hear it again. And again and again.

“Your baby, dingus! You’re one true-“

“Would you shut up?” He interrupts her slurring of teasing, aching jabs, feeling his face heat up with every syllable. “She’s not my- y’know, she’s not mine.”

“Oh, please!” Steve snorts, causing Eddie to whip his head to look at him. “We all know she’s yours, and you’re hers, and all that romantic bullshit, okay? No use trying to squirm out of it. Be grateful you got that much. We all know she loves you.”

He rolls his eyes, but his heart is skipping with each word. He wants to believe them, desperately. He can’t bring himself to have those hopes, though, not about you. He’d only disappoint you, or scare you off when he got too close. It’s better, keeping you at a distance. Safer.

“Is that… No,” Robin looks beyond Eddie, and he turns to follow her gaze. He finds you easily, the only figure he’d recognize in such a loud, multicolored environment. You’re squished against a boulder of a man as you sway to the music, but he can’t see your face. Eddie feels his heart catch in his throat as he turns back to his friends.

“See? I told you she’s not mine.” He clears his throat when he hears his own voice crack. Not fucking now.

“Who is that guy?” Steve asks, craning his neck to get a better view.

“Probably just some club sleaze, she’s probably not even having fun.” Robin shrugs. Her comment clicks in Eddie’s brain before it clicks in her own, though.

“I gotta go.” He shoves himself from the table.

“Should I go with him?”

Robin shrugs. “That dude is gigantic. Maybe watch his back.”

—

“Hey, um,” The song has ended, and you need to get the fuck out of here. “I’ll be right back, I gotta use the ladies’ room,” You peel yourself away from him, but he grabs your arm before you can.

“Nuh uh, you can use the bathroom at my place. C’mon.” There will be no talking yourself out of this. Usually you can confuse a man into leaving you alone, but this guy’s different. You can sense the danger, the complete lack of empathy, like it’s a scent he’s giving off. You have to make a scene.

You twist your arm, writhing to get out of his grip, when you feel the cooling rings of a familiar hand on your shoulder. “Hey, sweetheart,” Eddie’s voice is low, so this man/monster can’t hear him. “I’m gonna get you out of here. Hang on.” He moves in front of you, between you and the giant causing him to drop your arm. There’s an angry red ring of his lasting grip around your wrist. “You gotta problem, buddy?” The guy puffs his chest out at Eddie, like some weird, animalistic instinct to seem bigger. Like he needs that advantage.

“Yeah, I do. Why were your hands on my girl?”

You try not to think about the words too much. Despite the situation though, you feel your heart skip. Steve joins him beside you, placing his hand on your other shoulder protectively.

“Your girl, huh? Well your girl’s a fuckin’ slut then, she’s been dancing with me for the last ten minutes.”

“What the fuck did you just call her, you prick?”

“You heard me bitch boy, she’s a slut! And I like my girls dirty.” Before Eddie can respond, the guy swings his arm into Eddie’s unsuspecting face as you watch, frozen and helpless. Your hands fly to your mouth to muffle the shriek, but you catch the attention of some nearby patrons.

Eddie doesn’t go down, though. The adrenaline keeps him on his feet. “Oh, we’re doin’ this now?” Eddie smirks as he wipes the blood from his split lip. “Cmon, I know you got more in ya than that. You’re massive!” Eddie taunts him before launching at the guy, managing to double him over with a punch to the gut. “You’ll have to do more than that if you want her, big guy. I’ll lay down my fuckin’ life in this bar for that woman.”

The crowd has now turned their attention to where Eddie’s got the brute in a headlock. He gets one more punch in before his opponent breaks out of his grasp, sending his elbow straight into Eddie’s nose. “Oh, ho, ho,” Eddie cackles maniacally as he lifts away from the counter, blood now dripping from his nostrils into his mouth, staining his skin and his shirt. “Look at you, tough guy.” He spits a mouthful of blood onto the bar floor. “Real big of you beatin’ on someone a quarter your size.”

Before anyone else can make a move, the bouncers are rushing up behind them, escorting both men out the front entrance while you follow behind with Steve and Robin. It takes six guys to move the giant, leaving Eddie to comply with the disgruntled manager. You watch as your adversary curses at Eddie before walking into the night, disappearing before anyone could think to call the cops.

“Oh my god, what the fuck?!” Robin is laughing nervously as she looks between you and Eddie, then to Steve with that annoying, know-it-all glint in her eyes.

“Eddie, he could have fuckin’ killed you!” Steve, ever the babysitter, scolds his friend with an elbow to his ribs, causing Eddie to wince in pain.

“Yeah, maybe, but if it meant keeping her safe-,” He cuts himself off as he meets your teary eyes. “Oh, no. Sweets, what’s wrong?”

You shake your head, barely able to look at the bloody boy in front of you. He’s hurt because of you. You were supposed to keep him safe.

“I’m so sorry, Eddie.” You whisper, afraid your voice will betray you for speaking at full volume. “You shouldn’t have done that, I shouldn’t have let you.” The tears are warm on your cheeks when they spill, and as quickly as they do, you have six arms wrapped around you.

—

“Get some rest, we’ll see you guys tomorrow.” You shut the cab door behind you before following Eddie into his trailer. You don’t want to be alone tonight, and Eddie has graciously offered a sleepover at his place.

“How’s your face?” You ask, already on your way to the freezer for an ice pack.

“I’m fine, honey, I promise.” His voice says otherwise, low and scratchy from a night of straining it. “How are you doing, though?”

It’s a loaded question. How are you supposed to feel, watching your best friend risk his life for you? You’re grateful, sure, but the guilt eats at you still. “I’m just so, so sorry Eddie,” You carefully lift your hand to caress his swollen cheek. “You really didn't have to do that.”

“What was I supposed to do? Let him hurt you? I couldn’t live with myself.” He shakes his head, wincing in pain. “I meant what I said. I’d risk my life to keep you safe.”

You shake your head, not accepting his answer. “Why?” It’s meek, barely a whisper as you blot the remaining blood from his lip.

“What do you mean why?” His words are muffled by the tissue.

You huff, getting upset despite yourself. “You’re telling me you’d put yourself in danger if it meant keeping me out of it? What’s the point? Why do that to yourself because I’m too stupid to make the right decisions? What do you gain from that?”

He shakes his head, clearly frustrated. “Do I have to gain something from it? I do it because I love you, y/n. Simple as that.” You gape at him, and he rolls his eyes, the beginning of a smirk twitching on his face. “Do I have to spell it out for you?”

“It would be helpful, yes.” You’re just about begging now, the nervous sweat causing your shirt to stick to you.

“Sweets, I accepted that I would die for you a long fuckin’ time ago. If it meant keeping you happy, I would tie myself to the train tracks. Or, in this case, let some fucker twice my size beat the living shit out of me.”

You can’t accept it, logically. Your brain won’t let you believe any of his claims. “But I don’t-“

“No.” His voice is stern, almost scolding. “No more of that ‘I don’t deserve you’ shit. Okay? Absolutely not. Because you do. You saved my life all those years ago, and I promised myself I’d make sure to protect yours, too. You are my best friend, and the absolute love of my life, so I’m gonna give you everything I’ve got.” He laces his fingers with yours, and you watch as his rings catch the light.

“It’s okay if you don’t feel that way about me, I’ll never ask you for that, it wouldn’t be fair. But I can’t stand by when you’re in trouble, it’s not what I do.”

Your heart is fighting to free itself from your ribcage. It wants to jump from your skin, straight into Eddie’s open palms. Though the ever present coward in you wishes to curl up inside yourself and hide from him, everything else in your body is being pulled towards him, compelled as if by nature.

Before you even notice you’re crying again, Eddie wraps himself around your shaking frame, rubbing soothing patterns on your back as you sob, open mouthed and ugly, into his t-shirt. “It’s okay, sweetheart. I’m right here.” He coos, and you focus on his breathing, matching the pace to calm the stutter of your cries.

You claw at his jacket, inhaling his scent of cigarettes and pine soap. You need him closer. He tightens his grip on you, and you look up to face him. His own cheeks are wet with tears, his eyes screwed shut trying to stifle the bite of the wracking sobs you know the strength of well. This is the only chance you’re getting, so you move with calculation. Despite the anxious pounding of your heart, and everything in your head telling you that he’s not yours and never could be, you crane your neck to reach Eddie’s split and swollen lips, squeezing your eyes shut as you place your mouth on his, ever so gently.

Before Eddie can react, you’re gone, face inches away from him as his eyes flutter open. “Whoa. Uh, w-what… what are you doing?” He sputters, face now bright red, and you feel your own cheeks blush.

“I’m- I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed… ” You cover your mouth with your hand to hide the shame, feeling the fire in your stomach. You have just ruined years of friendship, and for one stupid kiss! But Eddie’s beaming, and he’s still gripping you close to him. “I've just wanted to do that for so long.” You admit shyly, shifting against his grip, ready to retreat, but he holds you tighter.

“Can you do it again?” His voice is more confident now. You’re not sure you’ve heard him correctly, but when you look at him, it’s undeniable.

You mirror his smile, nodding before leaning into him again. He makes the connection, taking the lead as your body contorts around his, lips locking together as he holds you flush against him. His lips are so soft, and he’s so gentle with you, even though you can tell he’s eager, like maybe he’s also wanted to do this for a while. The thought causes you to smile against his lips, and you feel his own lips stretch against yours as your hands move from his shoulders to his hair.

One of his hands moves from your waist to caress your face, holding your jaw like a precious pearl he’s discovered after years at sea. Your tears fall freely now, ones of overwhelming love for Eddie, ones you never could have hoped to shed, content letting them simmer in the pit of your throat if it meant keeping your best friend. You’re breathless when he lets you go, fighting the urge to chase after his lips. After almost a decade of wondering what Eddie would taste like, what kissing him would feel like, now you get to know. “I have been in love with you since that day on the playground,” He confesses, tightening his arms around your waist to keep you close. “But I’m such a chicken shit, I didn’t wanna ruin anything. You were so sweet to me, I couldn’t risk losing that, losing you.” The words seem to spill from him now, like he’s been craving to tell you. You suppose he has.

You take in the sight of your best friend, battered and bruised for the sake of your honor, like a knight thrown into battle without armor. He’s beautiful, even in black and blue. You bring your hand to his cheek, rubbing small circles on his skin as he leans into your touch. You could stay here forever, you think. “I love you too, Eds. I have for as long as I can remember.” He smiles at you, lip splitting again but he doesn’t even flinch. You return the grin, feeling your cheeks ache from how wide you’ve stretched your mouth. “Thank you for keeping me safe.” You kiss him again, letting yourself taste the blood he’d spilled for you, a silent promise that you’ll make sure he never has to again.

taglist @children-of-the-grave :p

#friends to lovers #best friends to lovers #eddie x reader #eddie x you #eddie munson #st #st4 #eddie munson fanfic #angst #fluff #stranger things #strangerthingscentral #f!reader

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vasyandii · 7 hours

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HELLO! ^^

I’m a huge sucker for romance and relationship dynamic type questions so I do have some questions about VernAM (I believe that’s the right way)

Not the questions have to be answered, as I believe I have too many! But here’s my top three

1. In one of the little comics you did I believe AM talked about how he refused to give himself a body heat because of the concern he would produce and odour and this is where this question blooms from, does AM have any insecurities when it comes to his human body, or a fear that he doesn’t meet Vernons expectations? Or that she’ll find something un attractive or gross about him?

2. Whats their favourite thing about each other? It could be a personality trait, a skill, a body part, or say a little habit they tend to do?

3. Are they more dog people, cat people, or some other species like fish or reptilians or do they not prefer animals at all (if they had the ability to adopt pets)

Thank you so much! I love your art so very much and gain lots of inspiration from you to grow better in not just art but in educating myself in different cultures and ethnicities, please remember to drink water and I hope you have a wonderful day! Thank you once again! ^_^

Howdy Romeo! I'm happy I was able to inspire you in some way! I'd be happy to answer all your questions! Thank you for the ask! 💞💞

VernonAM 🏺🖥️

1.) Does AM have any insecurities when it comes to his human body?

Obviously, yes. It's AM's first time on Earth physically, of course he would have insecurities. However, it's not fully because he wants to meet Vernon's expectations. It's the fear of BEING.

(This is gonna lean into some confusing type shit so bear with me. I briefly touched upon it in the second question of this post)

When AM was given a physical, tangible body, there's now a HIM that can suddenly be held accountable for his actions and that makes him uncomfortable. So being aware his body isn't as mighty as him (the complex), AM tries to combat it by removing variables that can be prone to criticism even if Vernon doesn't mind.

Look at it this way; usually people act differently online than they do in real life, right? That's usually because there's often a disconnect with their actions. This discrepancy largely stems from the perceived disconnect between their online actions and their real-world identities. When interacting online, there is often no face or tangible form that can be directly traced back to the individual. This sense of anonymity can lead to a significant reduction in accountability.

As a result, individuals—particularly those who may not be well-adjusted or who possess mean-spirited tendencies—feel emboldened to say and do things they would never consider in face-to-face interactions. They exploit this lack of immediate consequences, engaging in behaviors that are often harmful, disrespectful, or downright cruel - Much like AM, who only just recently acquired a body. (I hope that makes sense ;0;)

2.) What's their favorite thing about each other?

I'll categorize these by personality traits, skill, body part, and habit!

Vernon likes AM because of his hatred/sass because it allows her to have an outlet for her morbid curiosity along with an entertaining conversation. She doesn't find his skills her favorites because that's just him, she believes AM doesn't have skills as a man. Her favorite body part is AM's eyes, he's easier to read as a man. His pupils dilate significantly when he looks at her and AM doesn't even know. A habit she finds endearing from AM is him holding onto the end of her shirt with his hand and following her around wherever she goes.

As for AM, Vernon's take no prisoners attitude is his favorite part of her personality. Of course AM also enjoys the moments when she's caring towards him, but that's something expected. His favorite skill is how good of a liar Vernon is. She could tell him something so outlandish with such a straight face that AM would consider believing it; it's like she believes the lie herself. His favorite part of Vernon's body is her lips, AM likes how soft and warm they are, and how they're shaped. A habit he enjoys is that she would pace around the space they're sharing when she's talking, AM just likes watching her walk, I guess.

3.) Which animals do they prefer, if any?

In regards to if they're cat or dog people; Vernon is a dog person, to her they're easier to train. AM would probably like cats since they do as they please.

For other animals, They would be a Reptile and Bird household xD. I could see Vernon owning a bearded dragon or any cold blooded reptile while AM has like a cool African Grey Parrot :)

But in reality I don't think these two should have access to animals lmao

Aaand that's all for now :3 if you'd like me to clarify anything, feel free to ask! Thank you for reading!

#VernonAM #Ihnmaims #vernon ihnmaims #am ihnmaims #i have no mouth and i must scream #vernon i have no mouth and i must scream #am i have no mouth and i must scream #allied mastercomputer #veomany vernon inthalangsy #art #digital art #artwork #original character #ihnmaims oc #oc x canon #oc x cc

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satancopilotsmytardis · 13 hours

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"He thinks his instincts might make him explode from his joy and the purrs coming out of his chest when, halfway through the night, Shigaraki loosens up and pulses out the scent of his own contentment. It blankets the nest in the scent of summer rain and Dabi all but turns into a puddle."

Dabs is so messy in this, love it. If any of the league has been around cohabitating alphas and omegas before they're probably side-eyeing him so hard

Side note how insane must dating shows get in the omegaverse 💀

"His mouth settles on his neck, licking and nibbling at the place where his glands should be strong-- and Dabi whimpers."

Swirling him around in a wine glass. Mm notes of insecurity. Delicious

"And since you're the only alpha around, and I don't want to be fucking myself stupid while everyone else is out on the summer camp job--"

Lmao poor shig no wonder he wore a cage. Dabi cringes at the idea of being bonded, hides his growing affection with his weaker scent, really does not give him much hope at first

I love needy shig so much, and I like how rarely you write him, he deserves to be a special treat

The position in this is so good. I'm assuming it's based off that oxygen fanart <3

"Knot me, please, want your cum in my cunt. Pump me full of your pups --"

Oh god that's what made him cum 💀 I'm imagining him clarifying later, "No I don't want pups, you just made me that horny"

You've given me such a soft spot for the pet name precious

"After the summer camp, during my next heat, mate me?" *insert honey, you got a big storm comin gif*

it's okay guys, I wouldn't be shocked if you've already bonded without a real bite like Ujiko mentioned. If not, can't hurt to get to know each other a little more

We LOVE messy bitch Dabi!!!! He should be a conflicted over-emotional mess who has a hard time with regulation!!! It's as what was foretold in the texts!!!

A dating show in the Omegaverse would be WILD. Like the DRAMA??? Two alpha's going in for each other because one is a service/soft top the other thinks is an omega and the other is sadist dom that everyone thinks is a bratty omega with a complex. The producers not letting anyone hook up or do anything more risqué than kissing because if they did they might figure designations out. Betas being the ones who are the best at actually guessing what everyone's designations are and consistently demonstrating the best ability to connect with the others and form strong relationships because they've been socialized their whole lives to know that they will never be an alpha or omega's first pick as a partner because they can't satisfy their instincts. Everyone tunes in for a dating show but it ends up being a social experiment lol

Tomura was bound and determined to not do a damn thing that would cause pack instability and he was absolutely not going to mate Dabi without him wanting that, a week locked in a cock cage was a suffering he would happily endure! But God damn that man's ego was getting rocked at every turn from Dabi, like how do you recover from admitting you have a crush on someone who wants to use you as a dildo and then seems equal parts disgusted and amused by your crush? Devastating, but he persists!!!

Absolutely utilized reverse cowgirl because Oxygen has done a lot of art (both newer and older) in that position and it is delectable

Lol Shig knows he's sterile, and he'd get that Dabi was just trying to play to his instincts, if anything Dabi would laugh at him because that worked and Shig would be sitting there with his head in his hands for a few seconds out of embarrassment before he pins Dabi down and gives him like 6 more creampies murmuring in his ear how pretty he'd look carrying their babies until Dabi's instincts triggered and he was FURIOUSLY going around base baby proofing things KNOWING he was being fully irrational and that neither of them actually want kids, but they have to pretend that maybe they do because otherwise the rest of the League will catch onto their breeding kink

I'm so glad that "precious" has become a staple petname for my fics and you guys like it! I live my life waiting for a gollum comment every time I use it

Lol the funny thing is that they've BEEN mated!! For almost the whole story!! Like Dabi starts calling him his alpha during his heats almost immediately and it didn't take them fucking or anything! It just took Dabi trusting Shig to take care of him and Duster proving he would do that and both of their brains latched onto each other!! But they can be official soon, I imagine in a month or two (held off by the stress of being homeless again) they have their shared cycle, take their bites, and then realize literally nothing feels different and have to go back to the doctor and he's just like: You Stupid Motherfuckers

Thank you so much for commenting!

#tanco speaks #ask #asks

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yardsards · 1 year

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part of me: yeah i mean it's mayyybe for the better that amity didn't get a hooked nose *in canon*, considering that feature is stereotypically associated with jewish people, and amity was initially introduced as an antagonist with a wealthy and powerful family, and that fact could have played into some bad stereotypes before her and her family got more fleshed out

also me: but also i am ethnically jewish and have a prominent nose and i just really wish there were more female major characters w features like that who aren't treated as ugly by the narrative and i like her i think it would be neat if she had a hooked nose like her dad

#sidenote:#i am very relieved that her parent w the button nose is the money-hungry one working for the evil government #while her parent w the hooked nose wants no part of any of that and joins the protagonists and puts doing the right thing over money #instead of the other way around #also i think there's been similar said about the fact that she's white #amd how it's a mix of wishing she wasn't white bc it would be do nice to get more representation through the protag's love interest #but also the fact that if the wroters weren't careful they could've played into stereotypes w her and/or her family #abt being aggressive or obsessed w academics or overly strict or greedy etc #(tho it'd prolly be doable esp w her redemption and how if they had made her latina or black or east asian it would be offset #by the fact that this show has main characters of those ethnicities who DON'T adhere to any of those stereotypes)#and how the blight family represents unfair privilege so giving them white privilege (even if it doesn't exist in-universe) makes sense #tho i myself am white so i don't think i quite have anything to add to THAT particular discussion #but yea #eliot posts #toh #the owl house #amity blight #anyway i at least FULLY love when she's given her dad's nose in FANON

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obstinatecondolement · 7 months

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Wish my parents would take the "not swearing at me and shouting about how they own the house I live in" challenge every time I push back mildly against them treating me like a literal child challenge.

#they're on the 'you can't lock your door' thing again #and once again using fire safety as a fig leaf for being mad about not being able to get into my room without me unlocking it #and I didn't even say no is the thing #I said that I didn't feel I had any other way of enforcing privacy as a boundary #and that I didn't think it was reasonable that I should be Disallowed from locking myself into a room on fire safety grounds #when they both do that all the time #so why is there one rule for them and one for me?#the answer you will be pleased to hear is #'do whatever you want then you selfish fucking bitch'#and 'I pay the rent!'#there is not rent #they own this house outright #and a second house which my sister lives in rent free #they don't give a shit about 'what if there is a fire?'#the problem is #'how dare you presume that you can lock part of my house away from me #and how dare you presume that you are a person with rights and not an extension of me I should be able to control at will?'#if fire safety is such a fucking risk then why can you lock yourself in a room to get away from 'the madness' but I'm not allowed?#also fwiw I never raised my voice or said anything harsher than 'I feel that I have no other way of having my privacy respected'#and 'I don't think that makes sense as a reason given that you lock yourself in rooms all the time and I don't see how that is different'#but anything other than unflinching obedience is verbal abuse time #like always #love that for me

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hzrnvm · 1 year

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emotional. happy, pissed off, all that.

#hzrn #im cool with being annoying hypothetically but the real kicker is that no form of communication exists that i can really use comfortably #every single form of communication out there. i can't use it. i can't fuckin talk bc the sounds are too hard.#i can't fuckin type bc the buttons are too hard.#i can't fucking body and hands bc motions are too hard.#i can't fucking art because art involves all those things.#damn fucking WORDS are too hard. i put so much work into them and i get nothing. nothing!#who made the world this way?! why is it that all communication and socialization is so. fucking. hard!!!!#i tried! i really really fuckin tried man! all last year i tried so so hard.#i fell FLAT on my face. NO ONE liked me. they called me a retard! they said i was scary‚ awkward‚ hard to be around!#they did coordinated social attacks on me! then when i come back to school this year and i even *think* about trying again‚ they say #'nobody wants him here. and he should stop caring'#well right about then‚ is where she gives up! she has closed her eyes‚ she has given up hope!#i gave up trying to exist socially at school. the two paths are being myself and getting bullied‚ or not being myself and getting nothing #today was a good day for me all in all but idk.#the only reason i dont hold grudges like crazy is because of my object impermanence shit #although this might as well count as a grudge. i think it's somewhat justified though‚ because in my case it's more like #if you hurt me seriously then i'll think about it pervasively until you do something to redeem yourself in my mind.#probably that's part of the reason im so scared of being myself and shit #this is probably the reason why im so scared of being myself. bc everytime i tried i got bullied‚ mocked‚ demeaned. and that shit piles up.#i just spend mosta my time not thinking about it! just like i spend mosta my time not thinking about who i am‚ my future‚ my past and on!#siiiigh. sigh sigh siiiiiiiiigh #it's ok to like this post by the way #in fact it's encouraged. im directly and clearly asking you to.#im not making this post for nothing. im making it in the hopes that someone will read what i said.#although really no one will. why the hell would anyone fucking read this. get fuckin real.#i know for certain i'll wake up tmrw with this at at maximum like. 1 like. 2 if im really the luckiest girl in the world.#and i know how i sound caring about likes and shit. but really all it tells me is someone read this. and i really fuckin need someone to re

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tuiyla · 1 year

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i don’t know how else to tell people that the problem with Leighton’s story isn’t Leighton’s story, for which I would love to be so proud of her, but that it simply wasn’t written well

i’m sorry y’all can’t “Tatum was meant to represent this!!!” and “Leighton has realized that!!” your way out of this when the writing simply did not put in any of the effort. also lmao you wanna know why I’m salty over Tatum’s treatment? cause how she ended was literally not what they’d been writing for 3 episodes. not once did Leighton look like Tatum was reminding her of bad parts of herself, not once prior to the fundraiser was Tatum anything but chill, supportive, and into Leighton for exactly who she was

it just feels so cheap and like I’m still happy for Leighton and happy for y’all if you can run with poor writing but I simply cannot tolerate it, I have to hold the show to higher standards than Leighton kissing any girl at any given moment in time

#okay now I've reeeeeally said piece #so i'll only be reiterating through asks #but goddam forgive me if i want tslocg's writing to be better than glee's lmao #y'all are giving the writing too much credit that it doesn't deserve basically #the only reason i'm so gung ho about tatum is because of WHAT THEY GAVE US FOR THREE EPS #talk about misdirection #cause then they rip it away for a storyline that doesn't work without the effort put into it #tatum you remind me of everything I want to change about myself 😤#bitch WHERE you've never given any signs that that was the case #feels like there are missing scenes here oooor just pure bad spacing and laziness on the writers part #trust me i do not like being mad at writers of shows i like #alas #someone has to lol #but since i really do not know how else to say this now that was it #tslocg #leighton murray #leighton x tatum #tatum tslocg #fuck me i guess for thinking the writing was consistent #also to note i have no beef with alicia she's fine whatever #but you cannot tell me this was a story well told #okay someone take the tags away from me

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aropride · 5 months

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my friend says atp the school is being negligent and i should report them which is probably true but also i mean. at least they clearly explained the process even if every part ogf it has gone wrong or gone on for far too long. and nobody has shown open contempt towards me during the process. unlike last time 😒. so are they being negligent possibly. butit could be worse & i . ohh my god thahnk you youtube autoplay for turning on alltoo well 10 minute version right now. i'm gonna go ruminate now.

#text #sorry i'm still bitter. hard to report when youre given literally no information about what doing so entails huh #like until this semester i thought it involved the police. nobody told me it didnt. nobody told me anything #this time it was 'bad enough' (flawed framework to view sa from i know i only act like this towards myself dont worry) that i knew i #had to do something & was willing to work with the police if it came to it/if the situation escalated #(<- not that i wanted to but my physical safety couldve been at risk)#but the fact that NOBDOY TOLD ME LAST TIME. that the cops aren't involved at all. THAT'S INSANE #like i'm pretty sure part of title ix (the law not the process) is that legally schools are REQUIRED to give you that information #that's so fucking infuriating. god.#ive posted about this before but- EVEN THOUGH THIS PROCESS SUCKS- it's helping me see how fucking bad last time was #bc i've learned my rights through it 😭 & experienced actual academic & social support and such #idk.#neg #🗒️

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stavrakas · 1 year

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i kind of love being a woman, or even better, a person who happens to be a woman. i love being unshaven, i love having unkempt short hair, i love being nerdy and into physics and mathematics and political history and punk music, i love swearing like a sailor, i love not having to eternally worry about other people's perception of me, i love being mistaken for a boy and correcting people with a smile, i love little kids who give me the chance to explain to them that i'm still a girl even though i look like a boy, i love being confident enough to speak up against unnoticed, subtle misogynistic comments and not cower back when people jokingly ask me if i'm a feminist, i love being here to study and learn and exist as a person that doesn't have to conform to restrictive gender roles

#if you asked me abt my feelings on this a year ago i probably would've said that i'm not even sure i'm a girl #i've given it a lot of thought though and like #why would i not be a girl lol #what defines being a girl and being a boy #i'm masculine in the way a geeky teenage dude is and i look the part too #i hated being seen as a girl because i knew everyone has this specific idea of what a girl is and once you place yourself in that box #they'll try to assign those ideas on you no matter whether or not they fit #but then i thought. being born female is neutral. if people think i have to like‚ shave my armpits or wear makeup #just bc i was born with a vagina #then that's their problem. not mine.#i think the thing that really did it for me was realizing that by being as butch as possible while also being confident in my “womanhood”#(whatever that means‚ because womanhood implies pretty much nothing except like maybe being raised along those stereotypes?)#by doing that i would i guess somewhat inspire other people who question their girlness for the same reasons to like. stoo giving a shit #idk #i'm just saying things but i had a revelation today #hm #i think a tricky part of this #is if i want to exist as a neutral human being then why would i still call myself a woman #why not try to ignore that term altogether and shun my “birth gender”#well i guess for me it feels odd #because we don't live in a utopia. society is still ruled by this weirdass binary #misogyny thrives dude!#i would be escaping the “restrictive nature” of “womanhood” but what about the other women #or the other men who aren't going to want to abandon their place of privilege #like i guess it's too individualistic for me #because like i said the thing that tipped me off the edge was thinking about my expression's influence on others #idkkkkkk #gender is extremely weird #vs

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medicinemane · 6 months

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#one problem that's got me right now; aside from my stomach audibly churning wanting something more; is no one listens #people try to listen; and people think they listen; but they don't actually listen #there's always advice to be given; there's always their own perspective to be imposed on things #and everyone means well; everyone's real damn caring you know? that's part of why I don't just say this shit #but no one actually listens #...why is it that so often when I listen to people they're like 'Exactly!'; but when people listen to me it's like... you didn't hear me?#am I just pickier? or when I listen is it that I go broader strokes and avoid advice?#I'll often take a shot in the dark just based on looking inward and seeing how I'd be feeling in that situation #and... and this isn't a brag or something; but I can't remember the last time someone didn't feel validated by it #(which must be blindness on my part; I must have missed the times I made people feel more alone)#(I certainly don't always even manage to find something worthwhile to say; but when I do people seem validated)#but that's me turning inwards and just presenting how the situation makes me feel; and that making people feel seen #(like once again; not fucking bragging; but people will act like I saw right through them)#(when I was just tossing out something that I was only like 70% sure of and felt probably insulting or something)#but then I complain that people impose their own perspectives when talking to me... when me doing that seems to be what works #so why the fuck is that? is it that I more use myself as a thing to look at to relate to them while not really giving advice?#is my real complaint more like 'no one seems able to listen without trying to offer advice'?#also like... no one seems able to like... fucking trust me; or think for a second I might have lived this shit (possibly longer than them)#like... in a non emotional example:#once was talking about how I gotta heat my room with an electric radiator and the person starts telling me about how I gotta do it #like '3 ft away from any object' type advice and it's like...#I've been doing this for like 4 years; radiator sits about 6-8 inches from my bed and the cat spot; wood never gets more warm than sunlight #like I'm no fucking guru on it; but please don't treat me like and idiot you need to teach when you haven't actually used this stuff #why the hell can't anyone trust me? I got myself a fucking house; you know? why is it always always always advice #I'll talk about a situation; be doing more or less all anyone can do; all you have to say is 'yeah fuck that asshole'#no no; advice on what I need to tell someone about how to deal with that asshole that's not as nuanced as what I'm already doing #you share your biggest fears and just get fucking advice that won't work on how you can fix them #...kinda makes me want to blow my brains out as much as the hunger does right now #wish someone would mimic me on this; cause I seem to know what I'm doing #'gee sorry to hear that; that sort of thing is hard to deal with; you're doing a good job getting through it'

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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...

#other ppl: youll be fine! u r passionate abt what u do #no u dont understand. its not passion. im being consumed. im being devoured whole and alive.#its out of control and its killing me #stop trying to tell me im good. i can assure u its a problem and i want it to fucking stop. whats the point of being successful if u cant #even fucking breathe?#this has been my weekend in purgatory for some reason. but fuck u i got the fucking application 98% done so im gonna read it over tomorrow #when my brain doesnt feel like its gonna explode and thrn send it to the dude and idk see wtf he has to say about it bc im positive i #overwrote it bc im unhinged. whatever tomorrow im gonna spend another 4hr transfering algae #if i can. turns out ive given myself a headache and now i cannot sleep lmao #lol i wrote all that yesterday night. it appears i was having a bad time. and i continue to have a bad time bc my manuscript is 98% ready #for submission but i leave at 7.20 tomorrow morning for my flight and wont be home until 7pm in this time zone at the very least #which means ill have to fucking wait all day to submit i guess unless i use plane wifi or something. fucking idk #i also havent sent the application in yet and i havent bought any Christmas presents bc my brain is splitting into a million pieces #its 10 pm now. will is sleep tonight? who's to say i still have work to do on this fucking manuscript #at least my coauthor thinks itll only get sent back with minor revisions so it must look pretty ok #part of it is just me bitching abt inconsistent methods across papers bc it annoys me but also i dont give a fuck #i will fucking psychically control ppl to read this paper and use its knowledge bc the way they talk abt the topic annoys me so much #which is additionally annoying bc like i said i dont give a fuck #anyway im procrastinating #unrelated #my parents texting me today: yay we r excited to see u 🤗#and im just laying on the floor eminating a demonic aura

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autisticlee · 1 year

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it always pisses me off when people start ghosting me and completely cut me off and think i'm annoying because I didn't ~get the hint~ all because they're too much of a coward to be straightforward and honest with me!!!!

i'll keep asking about a thing or when we are hanging out or try to converse with them, because their response is always excuses and not straight up "no" so how am I supposed to know?! either short responses of 1-5 words that I can't really respond to or things like "I'm busy this weekend/I'm too tired today/I forgot about it/we can try next time/I'll get back to you and le you know" are apparently all hints and lies to hide the truth. what they really mean when they tell me this is "no, stop asking. stop talking to me. I do not want to hang out with you or talk to you anymore"

why can't you just say that?! it will save you the annoyance of me asking you 20 times because i took your words at face value. your excuses sound temporary and you didn't get back to me so maybe you forgot. there are rare times people say these things and it's the truth or they really did forget!!!! when I say it, it's the truth. I also have a bad memory. you can't just suddenly ghost me for that! it's on you if you aren't being honest with me. it's up to you to be straightforward and tell the truth so you don't waste both our time. (what's worse is this is usually one of the first things I tell people when we meet. that I need then to be straightforward and honest. they promise they will but that's also a lie)

ghosting is so cruel (when the other person has no bad intentions/isnt causing harm). more cruel than telling me to my face you hate me and never want to speak again! i actually prefer that, so i at least know and can give up on your useless ass and stop wasting my time. don't give me false hope when i'm really excited to be friends and hang out, don't waste my time and energy and efforts, and don't lead me on with lies only to crush my entire soul when I find the truth much later. just say it and get it over with!!!! it's your fault if I annoy you by "not taking the hint" because there was no hint, lying isn't a hint. spill the truth and don't blame me for it!!!!!!

this is why i've given up with people and now only give attention to the ones who contact me first every time continuously, and I put little effort into anything anymore. I know that will end up making some people give up on me by thinking i dont care. but I'm tired of wasting my time and energy on the people who put no effort into me. you must prove yourself and keep doing it or I won't try at all. the people who ghost me and hurt me are to blame. yes, I live a very lonely existence with maybe one friend I talk to once every week or two for a total of 5 minutes at most. yes I wish I had more connections or closer ones. but i'm SO FUCKING TIRED. i'm tired of trying so much and so hard just for people to shit on my efforts and disrespect my needs and boundaries!!!!!!

why should I keep trying when it always ends bad and adds yet another layer to my trauma.

#it happens every time!!!!!!!! i dont havw the spoons amd energy to keep giving these people every piece of me. theres nothing left!!!!!#people always tell me keep trying dont give up dont cut yourself off from everyone etc #but everyone cuts ME off so wtf am i supposed to do????? keep wasting energy and brain power just to let them keep doing it?!#its like if you spend a year carefully crafting a custom blanket for someone. putting in all your love and time and energy. give it to them #AND THEY SER IT ON FIRE AND WALK AWAY. NOT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGING HOW HARD YOU WORKED OR ANYTHING #that's what its like every time i try with people. it's a waste and i never get anything good out of it 😭#so why would it be wrong to protect myself by taking the part of the cold and unresponsive one for once? act like them instead?#no try or give someone much attention until they do like i always did and put in a ton of effort and keep it going?#if someone tries as hard as i always did then they must be good and worthy of keeping around and putting some effort into myself right?#ugh idk. i hate all of this and humans arent good at being good friends and im tired of trying to be one too #perhaps me not trying will make people think i dont care about them so they give up still anyway. well oh well #that means they didnt try gard enough and would have given up anyway. if i dont get attached or care much first then it hurts less #i know everyone tries to make me feel better by saying stuff like the right ones exist and my people are out there or whatever #but i will not believe it until i see it. because it's possible that is not true. it's possible i'll never have real/close friends #what then????? what do i do about that?? people love telling me i'll find the right people but no one steps up to try being that one #this all sounds doom and gloom but I'm just venting. in reality i just give it 3 tries.#if a person makes excuses or doesnt respond or doesnt carry the conversation 3 times on a row i will give up and it's their move.#if they dont come forward at all then we are done and i will never reach out to or speak to them again. if they want me they can prove it #lee rambles #autistic #autism #actually autistic #autism things #autistic friendship #friendship problems #loneliness #communication #cptsd #rsd #the fun thing about the cptsd and rsd combo is when people do these things i get hit with a wave if every past experience and relive it 🙃

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