#there are so many complicating aspects to their relationship that ultimately result in a relationship that is deeply intimate and that they

[helloescapist]

The Hashiras with a Family | Shinobu Kocho

Word Count: 5412

Setting: shinobu kocho x gn!reader [established, developed relationship]

Content Warning(s): family, pregnancy, carrying a child

Summary: headcanons on which Shinobu Kocho would be like with a family, from whether she ever considered having children, why or why not, what it was that determined she would have children with you, what she would be like as a parent, and a partner.

A family was never a goal on Shinobu’s list. While her sister played with little dolls and the neighborhood children toiled hours away playing house, she had found the experience unsatisfactory.

The neighbor’s youngest had a special aura about them that especially cemented her stance on childrearing. It never ceased to fail, every time the curiosity would gather the better of her, and she would dare to investigate what it was about the small creature that had infatuated the hearts of many—it would cry. Loud. None stop.

Any attempts to quell its screams were useless. Only soothed by literally anyone other than her, with the little demon peeking over the caretaker’s shoulders as though it was wary to allow her to escape its sites.

Mistrustful and vengeful as the little fists that burrowed into the would-be rescuers.

Yet, the elder Kocho insisted how wonderful a child would be when the time were to meet her, and so the little sister had considered that perhaps it was not that childrearing as a hole was without its merits, it was just the neighbor’s spawn that was defective. 

A quick tour of her village attempts to engage with those younger than her. Infants secured to their mother’s back dared not meet her eyes as their mother toiled the soil, and those who braved her sight resulted in screams that even their mother’s surprised bouncing could not soothe.

Having witnessed the Yamato toddler twins entangled in a dispute over a shred of clothing, screaming, and rattling into the ground—the youngest Kocho had been quick to conclude her investigation.

Children are monsters, that only the sentimental (Kanroji), brave (Gyomei), or mentally unsound (Inosuke) dare raise, furthering the dilution of a gene pool and was likely the reason that so many idiots roamed the earth.

As she approached her childrearing years, Kocho felt little waver in her conclusion.

She was confident that a majority of potential partners would merely taint her offspring, and as such, she remained adamant about her choice, rationalized by the weight of responsibilities accompany children.

For one, children are ridiculously expensive, so many years spent calculating ingredient measurements, the Insect Pillar was able to crunch the numbers in a moment. It helps that she’s supported Kanae, as well as the Butterfly Mansion’s young trio.

The cost alone to keep the little ones a float, she struggles to understand why so many would volunteer to burn their hard-earned cash.

There’s the natural dependence, yet the distinct drive for autonomy that screams for them to be allowed to explore their world without so much as leaving their parent’s side that makes her skin crawl. Kocho by nature is guided by her own needs, and need for autonomy; if at a moment’s notice inspiration to concoct a poison composed of sago palm and wisteria, a little parasite would complicate her expedition.

Children have an annoying habit of putting everything in their mouth, well past the toddler years.

No, she does not have the time for that.

Not to mention that consideration of genes can only do so much to produce offspring—while one can be as meticulous considering all aspects that contribute to the compilation of a zygote from medical histories and muscle structures to personalities, the reality remains that it’s ultimately a dice roll.

Just as easily as one can win the grand prize of an independent strong-willed child, duds are just as likely.

That’s not to say Shinobu is naturally anti child, she just has a few aversions. Truthfully, as she has gotten older and matured, the Insect Hashira is well adapted at small doses of children. Small patients are a little difficult and make for a fun mystery to solve as very few have the articulation to express their struggles.

More than not, so many are curious, and offer unique insights that she would otherwise not be introduced to. Shinobu could spend a good amount of time just listening to how a small child attempted a problem from their perspective.

Even if they were unsuccessful, their creative approach is one that deserves consideration.

Rather, while Shinobu approaches child rearing as a pragmatic experience, it is in fact her analytical nature that may have her considering an offspring Naturally inclined towards her partner, and always open to listening to your insights, the Insect Pillar will notice the way your touch lingers when a bundle has wrapped its fingers around your own.

She’ll notice the light in your eyes, and the way your lips form a natural smile as you make inoperable noises to entertain it. Just as the Insect Hashira is prone to studying her partner’s every moves, and desires, it will not take long for her to notice that baby fever has reached your heart, and occupied your thoughts.

Just as it will not take too much for her to acknowledge that your lack of bridging the conversation is brought on by the time she had expressed clear disgust at having a little one’s sticky hands catch her bangs.

She knows it’s her fault, and as she allows you to dance around the topic, the poison wielder is running numbers, and attributes.

When she has allowed herself to talk her conscious into the matter, Shinobu is smitten with the idea.

Rather the petite woman will only accept the notion of furthering her lineage should her partner’s natural personality, and behaviors fall in correspondence with her own.

Where she at times can be rather cold, your warmth can vibrate her bones. When she is at her limits, your ability to give of yourself, better yet, where she is naturally overtly logical, your ability to connect—yes, if your traits fall in line with her own.

Shinobu can absolutely be madly in loved, head over heels for you, but if she does not feel you can make the dynamic duo your child deserves... she just won't.

Your kid deserves the best.

She’s confident that together you will be able to raise a well-adjusted individual, and when the Insect Pillar has come to this conclusion, she will happily approach you with the notion.

Note that if you are expecting Shinobu to carry the child herself, you’ll likely run into a number of complications.

If you approach this from a fairly logical standpoint such as you are literally incapable of carrying a child for one reason or another, she can be swayed. Just highlight the opportunity for her to explore the aspects of her body, and this perspective.

Just know, she will NOT be doing this again. Some concoctions can combat food aversions, but others are just absolute garbage. The inability to eat as she pleases, or indulge, the limitations that she even as a doctor is aware of, Shinobu still finds herself working long hours. And being told off by Aoi.  

Her feet are swollen, and all of a sudden, she cannot stand the scent of wisteria. She knows she came into this room for something, but heavens above what was it. Forgetting the empty bandage roll in her hand as she wanders back to the patient.

Nope, Kocho does not have the patience for this, it is ultimately in your best interest if you would like more than one child to consider carrying the child yourself or consider alternative parenting routes.

In selecting a name, Kocho is fairly neutral o the ground. I can imagine her allowing you to select the name if you are inclined to dedicating hours to selecting a name, or wishing to have in depth discussions of the significance of a name.

Her suggestions would likely be more gender neutral, with an unexpected twist to the name. Something like

Danuja- knight, ruler Enkai- deep ocean waters Tomi- wealthy, twin

Danuja, Enkai, or Tomi.

A name that is fairly neutral, but not so common like Yuki that when she calls for the child, she’s attracted the wrong child.

As much as the Insect Pillar enjoys her space, she’s likely to enjoy the infant stage, read not the newborn stage.

The newborn stage is… a lot, and while Kocho is more than capable of meeting the physical needs of your child, she is so terribly prone to burn out that, it’s a stage that she would rather take a back seat in.

A pop in situation in which allows you, the primary parent the opportunity to take a bath, eat a warm meal, go for a walk alone, or whatever it is you need. Yet, I can see her enjoying the infant stage—they’re simpler creatures.

Yes, while they are prone to dependence for obvious reasons, the moment she discovers that she can strap the baby to her back and go about her duties, she’s onboard.

Although it makes her angry to think about how many times you had to assist her in tying the infant to her back.

It's the later years that Shinobu will struggle with especially if you are more prone to traditional methods of childrearing. For Kocho, she has no desire to hover around her child, or watch their every move.

She is not a helicopter parent in any form of the word, and if you yourself are one, she is likely to make the occasional remark on it. Some lighthearted and joking, others such as when your teenager has expressed obvious annoyance, may result in a small biting remark that only the Insect Pillar can mean in affections.

Kocho is of the mindset that just as she wants space to explore her worlds, she believes that she should offer her children the same opportunities.

The sort of parent to allow her children to roam free as they please, and believes firmly that natural consequences are the better teacher than herself. She can explain all day long why it is you should not poke a snake, but ultimately, a child will make their own choices when she turns her back.

Because of this, she opts not to waste her time. The Insect Hashira’s small comment of guidance, a suggestion of wearing a coat is more than enough. From there, it befalls the child to make the choice.

Should they choose wrong, well, she’s confident that a day trudging through the snow without shelter will be more than enough of a lesson to encourage proper apparel in the future.

First tooth, first steps, and lost tooth, these otherwise significant milestones are not likely to garnish much of her attention. She’s happy to allow you to sing praises of your little one, and she’ll smile all the while.

It’s tasks in which independence is achieved that will garnish her sincere praise. Tasks such as successfully hanging their own laundering, making their own meals, successfully putting away their belongings after an exertion without any assistance, or verbal reminders, these are the accomplishments Shinobu prioritize.

You may find yourself frustrated at times as she is not likely to reprimand the children at all. Rather, Kocho herself has no attachment to societal norms, and as such, she holds her children to their own unique standards. She wants them to explore the world, to explore themselves.

To understand the curiosities their hearts are drawn to. Only they know themselves well enough to determine what it is that they desire for their lives. At the end of the day, the child will eventually leave the home, and if they do not have the confidence to follow their own pursuits, then Shinobu will consider her parenting a failure regardless of the accomplishments they achieve.

Emotional caretaking is not an area that she will thrive at, and as the situations arise, the Insect Pillar is counting the hours until you arrive home to tag out. She struggles to connect with the different needs, and outlets of the child, and unless the little one is able to directly tell her what it is the problem, and even then, she’s just not going to understand.

Little quarrels between friends, Shinobu just doesn’t understand why it is her child does not cut ties and move on. More so, very few children have the emotional language capacity to accurately depict to her.

The baby is crying, and she is wondering why it she is ever agreed to stay home with the baby while you ran errands. No temple massage will ever rid her of this frustration and headache.

As such, you can expect that criticism from Kocho will likely impact your child fairly hard. Just as she is blunt in guiding the Water Hashira, it will likely bleed over to your childrearing, and while some children may meet these comments as an opportunity to fight back (she loves it), others will likely be led to tears, and into your arms for comfort. 

No, she does not understand what it is she said that upset them—it wasn’t an insult? Just guidance? She’ll just leave it to you from now on. Smile and wave Shinobu, smile and wave.

It’s not all storm clouds with Shinobu as a parent, and partner. Moments that may draw you to a breaking point, she’s likely to revel in. She’s the sort to enjoy digging for bugs and investigating riverbeds.

A trail that has been crafted through the grass is an opportunity for an expedition. Things such as this are likely to result in a “yes parent” in which she is happy to follow their lead.

The world is their oyster, and she is more than happy to allow them to discover the curiosities of the world if they have the interest. Rest assured, Shinobu has a way of reading you, and is aware of the times in which you need her to shift the reigns to her that she is able to step in without being asked to.

Just effortlessly insert herself, such as revealing a new toy, and sending them to the garden so you can breath.

Would love the horrible conditions that the little ones make when they are learning to cook. Oh, no let’s be clear, it is terrible, but there getting there. Besides, there is nutritional value in it, even if it is obscure. The parent who treats a zoo trip as a safari exploration. Reads off as many facts as she can, and makes it as interactive as permitted.

Thrives on family game night, just monopoly as she will crush absolutely all of you, and not understand why it is the baby is crying.

Toys such as legos are likely to be a big hit for her, and you may discover her constructing them whether the baby is home or not.

Moments to be intellectually stimulated are her main objective, and even if it is at the child’s level rather than her own, she’s likely to enjoy exploring with your child, such as puzzles with multiple solutions.

I feel as though she would adore Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom.  

Should your child express any interest in her particular skill sets, she’s delighted. And you’re concerned. Kocho will spirit the little one away, and go explore new concoctions together, run through fields.

Climb cliffs searching for unique ingredients for the next remedy, or poison. No matter how much you scold her for this, your child asked to come along. How could she say no. 

The bright side if you yourself need time away, you’re likely to have plenty of opportunities to explore your own hobbies, and savor a weekend at home alone. Without something exploding.

Despite the fact that Shinobu to your dismay is a firm believer in her child learning consequences on their own, she would never allow her child to fall into actual danger.

Well, she’s going to allow scratches, bites, abrasions, I mean nothing she cannot treat immediately… perhaps a broken bone.

No, no she won’t do that, you’d never forgive her. She’ll pluck them from the dangers the moment it strays too far. Because of this, your child will always feel reassured that she is merely a few steps behind. Never truly in any danger. Always protecting them.

Don’t fret though, while you may have the urge to remain by your child’ side at all time, Shinobu does not.

In fact, at the end of the day whether she enjoys parenting to the fullest of it’s capacity, or you do as well, she places a high importance on keeping the romance alive.

Even going so far as to entrust your child to the Kamdos, maybe the Hashibaras for the night.

She’s confident that the Kamados would take great care of her child—and that her child would take great care of Inosuke. She’s instilled enough of an individual mindset that she knows the oinker will not be able to say her child.

She loves time as a family, but Shinobu still craves spending time with you. In any way you desire, especially as the primary caretaker, she is content to serve you to the fullest.

What is it you want to do for the date, name your price. She will do whatever it is you desire, as long as it is just the two of you.

#demon slayer x reader #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #kny x reader #shinobu kocho x reader #shinobu x reader #thehashiraswithafamily #thehashirasinarelationship

[eien-no-gakusha]

Touken Ranbu:  The Contradictory Tale of Genji

Went in expecting fanservice and just a good time, left impressed.

Part 1/3 - Plot:

The videogame source material has a very barebones plot because it knows what it is:  a gatcha game for fujoshi to collect sword husbandos.  Basically, something evil is trying to change (Japanese) history and make the universe implode.  You, the player, are an onmyoji or priestess who is summoning famous swords like mad to save the world.  The touken danshi themselves basically have the personalities of their famous historical figure owners or forgers coupled with quirks related to random facts and legends surrounding them.  Some come with a Hachiko streak from losing their masters or their service in some darker parts of history.  (only your love can heal them!). Classic gatcha game fare.  In other words, there is a lot of room to be creative with this framework.  Just look at all the sexy derivative works spawned from the thirsty fujoshi.  This aspect of the fandom is surprisingly relevant to the plot of the musical.  Stick around and find out. 

Anyways, the plot of this specific show features a Tale of Genji crossover.  The usual evil is messing with history again and a squad of swords are dispatched to fix it.   The problem of the day is the entire Heian court has been isekai-ed into the novel Tale of Genji.  The author Murasaki Shikibu and her fans have all gotten merged with the characters of the book.  The Heian era swords are unavailable for vague reasons, leaving a bunch of young swords not forged in this era to untangle fact from fiction.

Thus, we start with team Kanesada finding themselves escorting a lady-in-waiting who explains that everyone around her has been suddenly larping Tale of Genji and she’s the only sane person left in court.  They realize they are trapped in the book and reenact all the early chapters as they figure out how to undo the curse.  Some of the more hot-tempered swords try to brute force their way out only to realize that book characters have protagonist halos to protect them from getting KOed.  At the center of this vortex, the titular character Hikaru Genji is effectively an NPC who has gained sentience a la RE:  Creators.  We learn he functions similarly to the sword boys as the embodiment of the book.  Not being a weapon, he can’t do much by way of fighting but he is unkillable and can act as dungeon master in his own story by transferring protagonist status to his victims.  In other words, Genji can possess targets to simulate his story as a substitute while he dicks off.  He uses this power to go OOC and try to retcon his own story.  This is all quite convenient for him since he has a complicated relationship with his author.  He is half reverential of her and half resentful.  This culminates in Genji ultimately killing his own author.  In the merged universe, Murasaki Shikibu and her readership have merged with the female leads of The Tale of Genji with Murasaki taking the role of the unobtainable Fujitsubo no Nyogo, Genji’s true love.  In breaking the story with literal death of the author, all hell breaks loose with Genji going rogue.

As the touken danshi dig deeper, they learn the source of this chaos was a result of toxic fan culture!  While many people enjoy Murasaki’s book and come away from it positively, a stalker fan voices his concerns that this is all vapid fiction with no value nor contribution to reality (the “wake up, loser” argument).  They debate about the point of writing “fake” stories.  While Murasaki understands the man’s point of view, she disagrees and refuses to put down her brush as this work is her passion.  The man becomes so upset he is taken over by the evil powers to cause the time rift and alter history.  His reasoning is if everyone is so obsessed with the book, they may as well live in it rather than face the real world. 

Back in the present, the touken danshi are having a bad time resolving the timeline.  They complain about needing grandpa Mikazuki’s help and keep getting possessed by Genji to reenact chapters while he escapes to cause trouble elsewhere.  However, during the final boss battle with evil Genji, the isekai-ed fangirls come to the rescue!  As they reminisce about their love of the novel (well, it would be equivalent of a serialized magazine at time of publication) and how it was therapeutic or inspiring for their real lives, they begin to return to themselves.  Now it’s important to note that Murasaki’s contemporaries did write derivative works or helped her transcribe chapters to share.  Therefore, these fangirls are effectively ancient Japanese fanfiction authors and thus have power to end Genji as much as the original author does.  But they love him as a character too much so are unable to strike the finishing blow and basically toss the responsibility to young Murasaki, Genji’s second wife who he had kidnapped as a child to groom into the perfect woman.  Unable to bear the suffering and moved by the women in his life both as characters and as his fans, Genji lowers his protagonist’s halo and accepts death.  The touken danshi are able to finally fix history and complete their mission.  When they return to modern day, they hear news that archeologists have found physical evidence that Genji existed as a historical figure and thus a conspiracy theory is born!  The touken danshi take this information with mixed emotions.

What an amazing story.  The theme was deep without being too obtuse.  The climax got meta and opened a lot of discussion about the value of fiction, derivative works, the dangers of escapism, censorship, and even spirituality.  Definitely worth a second viewing to digest all this.

There was a mini-revue number in the end where the cast performed an umbrella dance to anachronistic Touken Ranbu music.  Then the cast descended a staircase in parade order for final bows.  It was a much-needed break from the heavy and complicated plot.  It was also a small nod to the main cast’s Takarazuka roots or hina doll staging, which is a common set design when using Heian costume.  The umbrella dance reminded me of the finale Sakura dance OSK does at the end of their performances.  Perhaps this is a proud Osaka tradition.  I haven’t seen a different Touken Ranbu show (yet) so I don’t know if this is a part of the brand.

#touken ranbu #tale of genji #takarazuka og #og lyfe #my thoughts #my meta #my rambles #my ramblings #otokoyaku #theatre #theater #touken ranbu musical #刀剣乱舞 #宝塚 #宝塚OG #nanami hiroki #seto kazuya #kai #akira #ayanagi sho

[transsexualcoriolanus]

to what extent do you think aufidius actually understands coriolanus?

ooh this is hard. when i first read the play i would have said that aufidius understands coriolanus - that's certainly a more convenient reading of their relationship - but i think it's more complicated than that.

the main argument for aufidius understanding coriolanus is their experiences fighting together. they have fought together many times, and aufidius knows coriolanus as a soldier extremely well as a result. there seems to be an agreement and understanding between them when it comes to fighting ("'tis sworn between us that we shall ever strike till one can do no more"). i think it's also true that coriolanus enjoys and feels understood by aufidius' hatred of him. he despises being idolised, and i think it's refreshing to him to find someone who he respects, unlike the people of rome, and who doesn't treat him like a god, unlike his friends and mother, even if that means he is hated.

however, there is also a disconnect between them in their rivalry. at the beginning of the play, the way they speak about each other is extremely different. coriolanus respects him, enjoys fighting him, and despite telling him he hates him, doesn't ever mention wanting him dead ("i sin in envying his nobility, and were i anything but what i am i would wish me only he", "he is a lion that i am proud to hunt"). aufidius, on the other hand, seems to have a much deeper hatred for him, genuinely wanting him dead, and even saying that he would kill him dishonourably, the ultimate act of disrespect ("where i find him, were it at home upon my brother's guard, even there, against the hospitable canon, would i wash my fierce hand in's heart"). none of this necessarily means that aufidius doesn't understand coriolanus, but it definitely shows a disconnect between them that could point to that.

while aufidius may understand coriolanus as a soldier, in my opinion he doesn't understand coriolanus as a person, which becomes clear from act 4 scene 5 onwards, when they have to interact not as soldiers but as people. when they first see each other in this scene, aufidius doesn't recognise coriolanus outside the context of war - when they aren't fighting, they are essentially strangers. after this, aufidius begins to use language similar to that which is used by many of the roman characters who misunderstand coriolanus. he compares him to a god ("why thou mars"), similar to the dehumanising idolisation that he is treated with by characters such as menenius and volumnia. he later describes coriolanus as proud, and even manipulative ("he watered his new plants with dews of flattery, seducing so my friends"), similar to the way brutus and sicinius describe him. this could be true, as we don't see how he acts when in antium before act 5, but it's very unlikely considering what we know of his character from the rest of the play.

i think, at the beginning of the play, coriolanus believes that aufidius understands him, because he understands him as a soldier, and coriolanus has only ever interacted with him in this way - he also only really understands himself as a soldier, making that the main aspect of his identity and being unable to function in real life without it. however, they do not understand each other as people - when forced to interact with coriolanus in this way, aufidius comes to the same incorrect conclusions that everyone else in coriolanus' life has. and part of the build up to the tragedy is both coriolanus and aufidius realising that the person they thought understood them is really just a stranger, and not knowing what to do with that information.

#woah this is a little long #oops #this is a really interesting question though #ive never thought about it in this much detail before and its definitely complicated #id be really interested to hear your thoughts on this! #coriolanus #caius marcius coriolanus #caius martius coriolanus #blorbus blorbius from my shakespearean tragedy #shakespeare #willy shakes #long post

[tobeblamed]

headcanon  —   dean & john :  the everlasting presence of an absent father

❗️disclaimer: since the show itself has already showcased and explored their relationship rather thoroughly, this headcanon aims to highlight only the 2 main aspects: the burden and the legacy left behind by john.

the burden

dean's relationship with his father becomes complicated only after he dies. because john made a deal with the yellow-eyed demon to save dean, the news of his death was met with mixed feelings. stricken by grief and sorrow, dean soon realized that his emotions went much deeper than mourning the loss of a beloved father. he felt guilty, and because of that, he was angry:

because john struck a deal with the enemy, going against everything that he had ever preached about to his sons while raising them to hunt monsters;

because john ultimately sacrificed his life to save dean without dean knowing until later. he would have never agreed to it; he would have chosen to die instead of living with the burden of his father's death;

because on top of it all, he told dean to protect sam — something that dean considered to be unfair ; john should be responsible for protecting his sons, and he failed at that.

however, dean's biggest frustration stems from the fact that he can't change all of that. he cannot reverse john's deal, he cannot bring john back, and he cannot leave his family unprotected. he doesn't want to stop protecting sam, because that's ultimately who he is. he can't not listen to john when he asks him to watch out for his brother, because this is what he was raised to do, and what he deems right to do. he's angry because he has no control over any of john's actions that directly affect the course of dean's life.

the legacy

notably, despite john's overall absence in the course of the entire series, the legacy he's left behind is ever-present. john'd taught dean (and sam) how to survive in a world of monsters, trained him to fight and win against them, and guided him to fight for what was right. unlike sam, who grew up rebelling against his father, dean embraced him ; lessons such as to always keep fighting and saving people are at the core of who dean is as a person because of john. dean loves hunting and helping people thanks to john. he didn't simply inherit that legacy, he embraced it and took it in as its own.

john's lives in the story ever so presently, as long as dean keeps driving john's car, as long as he keeps listening to the same old classic rock songs, reading john's journal, hunting monsters, saving people, protecting sam ... his father will always be with him. all of that in itself keeps the memory of him alive.

a note on destiny ...

the winchesters have defied destiny in many different ways and, as a result, stopped the apocalypse. in addition that, it's worth noting that with sam and dean being destined to mirror lucifer and michael, their relationship to john was subsequently destined to mirror that of god and his two sons (which was doomed to both parties being let down by one another). however, unlike god, who showed no remorse for his absence, john did. he had expressed his regret over what he had put his sons through and dean was able to heal from that. thus, the winchesters have once again proved that they weren't treading the path that heaven had paved for them ; that they were able to shape their own through their love for each other.

#headcanon. #i did ittttttt #i had to trim so much because i didn't wanna just re-tell the show #so here it is !!!!!! #aaaaaaa

[elganac]

cw: cheating discussion, unhealthy/toxic/abusive relationship discussion, forced prostitution mention, dubious consent mention. 

          summary: this posts discusses at length the complicated feelings alison has about her marriage to grant in ( verse ) single parenthood and how these feelings could eventually result in alison being unfaithful to grant under certain circumstances. this post serves more as an analysis into alison’s state of mind during her marriage with grant rather than a discussion that excuses her from the gravity of cheating. this aspect of alison’s character is open to exploration in future plotted threads, and i hope this post serves as a reference to those interested.  

          something i think about sometimes is how conflicted and complicated alison’s feelings are during her marriage to grant in the beginning stages of ( verse ) single parenthood. at some points in time, she’s elated to be married, and at other points, she feels regret, embarrassment, sadness, and guilt. needless to say, alison and grant’s relationship was always a bit unconventional, especially when you look at how they actually got together. to recap, alison approached grant first to ask a financial favor from him, and in exchange, he asked for sex. it was, essentially, a sexual transaction, which was a theme that continued on in their relationship when grant exploited alison’s body for his own gain. 

          from the start, alison has had an unsettling feeling about her relationship with grant, and while in canon verse, she does end their relationship, in ( verse ) single parenthood, she goes on the marry him and have his child. but it’s so important to note that during this whole relationship, alison was grappling with so many conflicting feelings — feelings she tried at times to ignore or to desperately make go away by putting a ton of effort into her relationship with grant. she wanted to fix what she could, at any point in time, even if their relationship was, ultimately, doomed to fail. 

          for so long, alison tries so hard to keep her relationship alive, but there does come to a point where she just simply falls out of love with grant, and it begins so much sooner than when she asks to file for a divorce. it’s a slow and gradual progression, her love and affections for him eventually drying up once she realizes just how poor their relationship is. and this makes me think about how feasible it would be for alison to be unfaithful to grant if someone came around and made her feel something grant couldn’t anymore.

          it’s so strange to write that alison would cheat on her partner, especially since she has been cheated on before in the past by cedric, but the big caveat is that the possibility of being unfaithful only occurs when she’s being mistreated by her current partner. and i mean genuinely mistreated, not just “oh, they had a fight.” 

          to illustrate, in a private verse, alison is in a relationship with cedric but ends up pursuing a relationship with another man for a short period of time due to the fact cedric was, essentially, neglecting her. he kept her around merely as a trophy girlfriend, and it was very clear that he was being unfaithful to alison as well when he went out at night. and so, when one of cedric’s associates began to flirt with alison, she found herself falling for this man despite the fact both alison and the associate knew alison and cedric were in a relationship.

          this is something i can see occurring in ( verse ) single parenthood as well. if you really think about it, something similar occurs between alison and grant in this verse. he mistreats her, neglects her, cheats on her — it’s a toxic relationship. and yet, alison stays in it for her own reasons. but she’s by no means content or happy with how things are going. and so, if someone were to come around and pursue her, it’s likely she’d fall for them if they made her feel loved and cared for since her relationship with grant is so loveless after a certain point. 

          i also want to emphasize that this isn’t just a case of “oh, he’s cheating on her and so it’s okay if she cheats on him.” it’s so much more than that — if grant was cheating on alison after years of a healthy relationship, alison wouldn’t feel tempted to be unfaithful to grant in return. she’s not an eye for an eye type of person. alison possibly being unfaithful to grant stems from the fact that during their whole relationship, including when they were married, grant treats alison like she’s beneath him unless he wants something from her, which makes her feel unloved and uncared for over time. as such, she’s much more susceptible to being swept off her feet by someone else if she felt as though this other person could provide for her more than grant could during the time. 

          i also want to emphasize that it’s not as though alison feels the need to cheat on grant at any point in time. she’s not actively seeking for another relationship while married to him. if anything, alison is the most isolated she’s ever been while with grant, but if for whatever reason she comes across someone who makes an impression on her, she’d be likely to want to get to know them better and form some kind of connection, which could lead to attachment and the development of feelings. it’s all about circumstances.

          discussing this aspect of alison’s character isn’t really me trying to make excuses for alison if she does end up being unfaithful to grant, either. like, cheating is a really serious offense and it’s extremely hurtful to the one being cheated on. but i think it’s so interesting to think about this side of alison since it’s not something you’d really expect from her. under normal circumstances, she’s extremely faithful and loyal, loves with her whole being, and would never even think about hurting her partner by being unfaithful. but, in the context of alison and grant’s relationship, things aren’t normal. which is why i feel like alison being unfaithful would indeed be a possibility. 

          at the lowest part of their relationship, despite being married, alison feels almost numb to how grant treats her. she used to be so devastated by the fact he cheated on her, but when things didn’t change for the better, she just grew more and more disappointed until eventually, she couldn’t bring herself to care anymore. she’d pretend things were okay, that she didn’t know what grant was doing being her back. all for the sake of maintaining what peace was left between them and fooling herself into thinking she was okay with what was happening. 

          alison’s always been like this with grant, honestly. over the course of their relationship, grant manipulates alison into thinking that he’s the only person who could ever love her, which only makes it more difficult for alison to really leave grant, even when things were the most abusive. because alison wants to be loved and fall in love, and the thought of being unlovable scares her. so she’d rather stay with grant where it’s comfortable than take the risk.

          and so alison learns to grow numb to all the bullshit grant puts her through for the sake of tolerating her relationship with him. she tells herself he’s “not so bad” by emphasizing the good things he does for her, but she won’t acknowledge that the goods things he does for her are the literal bare minimum. the fact he exploits her body isn’t something she comes to accept as forced prostitution until much later on because grant contextualizes it as alison supporting the two of them, and he constantly compares it to how he and alison first got together to make it seem less shameful and taboo. in essence, grant manipulated alison into thinking what he was doing to her was for both of their benefits, twisting the situation to make it seem more positive than it really was. 

          and alison clings to the positive until she just can’t anymore. she’s so burnt out by their second year of marriage that she feel likes a shell of her old self. there is no love in her relationship with grant anymore, and i doubt there’s intimacy either towards the latter end of their relationship. i dont think the lack of intimacy between grant and alison would be what pushes alison to cheat; i really feel like it’s the lack of love that really kills the relationship for her. but a lack of intimacy would indeed only add to the temptation that comes with being with someone else if that person could provide alison with intimacy alongside love and affection. 

          also idk where to stick this but alison and grant’s sex life probably also was super dysfunctional like prostitution era aside, i really do feel as though grant denies her sex, intimacy, and affection on purpose as punishment if he thinks she’s acting out and not like a kinky way but like an asshole way. like, to the point where alison’s feelings actually get hurt and she’s begging him to touch her, where she’s apologizing to him and begging for him to forgive her. and then there’s the flip side too where he’d try to manipulate her into having sex when she may not want it, or he’d just be so insistent about having sex that she gives in just to appease him. like it’s just all gross manipulative behavior, and you can probably see why alison is just suffering being married to this man. 

#( alison ) headcanon; #( verse ) single parenthood

[gothmods]

Im only posting this to help sort out my thoughts so its gonna be all over the place and its not in reference to any one person or incident since whenever this becomes a discussion it inevitably snowballs to a point where its hard to tell who is responding exactly to who and what

As a general rule of thumb i find it helpful to ask myself if a behaviour i dislike in a sexual context is something i would be okay with in a nonsexual context, and vice versa, because if there is a disconnect between the two i can better work out whether my dislike is moral or merely personal

A practical example being weight gain fetish - personally it makes me uncomfortable and i would prefer to not be involved with content or scenes relating to it. But morally i take no issue with someone gaining weight and i am against the shaming and humiliating of anyone because of weight gain, and as much as i dislike how a lot of that fetish content sexualises that humiliation, the participants are at the end of the day also fat people and my allies in combatting societal fatphobia. It would be absurd to condemn people for eating junk food and gaining weight in a sexual context given i am opposed to fat people being treated that way by wider society.

Whereas i dont see a difference in someone who produces csem for personal gratification versus someone who abuses or exploits their kids via those mommy-vlog type youtube channels. Because child abuse is child abuse regardless of whether the wider context that led to it had sexual motive.

And in the same way just as i morally take issue with people who excuse their own racist behaviour or language or perpetuating racist stereotypes under the guise of comedy, i take issue with it across different contexts.

Sometimes things get a bit more complicated but i find thats usually when you talk about handling heavy topics in an artistic context, and that i tend to take case by case with a lot of consideration on artist intent and whether i ultimately believe the resulting work effectively does what it set out to achieve, and the relationship between creator, subject, and viewer.

Example i suppose would be the photographer bill henson, whose works have been labelled by some people as csem. See i dont think they are sexual in context or content at all, but i still greatly dislike his work. My concern being when you use teenage models and display what are very intimate and emotionally charged images of them to an audience, you create a relationship between the subject and the viewer, and i worry about how that will impact said teenagers down the line, given how famous his work is and how many people are spectating or commenting on the work, and what protections exist for children in the public eye like that. But i feel that way about child celebrities too so its not exclusive to controversial artworks...

A big radfem argument against bdsm is that it mirrors real life abuse - but i think that shows a lack of understanding around what a bdsm scene may or may not involve, and while domination exists as part of oppressive structures, dom/sub as sexual roles cant replicate a power imbalance where one does not exist, and if a power imbalance does exist between people it would be of equal issue in vanilla sex. But also if we go back to point A. some people enjoy different physical sensations to others across sexual and nonsexual contexts, and sometimes the sensation is pain. Some people like the pain of a strong remedial massage, some people like the burn of hot chilli, or the adrenaline rush of extreme sports. For some people i would assume bdsm also provides alternatives to aspects of vanilla sex, since not everyone enjoys penetrative sex or cisheteronormative ideas of what brings/can bring pleasure ( which is a limiting thing, im reminded of that one radfem post on here proclaiming no one could possibly enjoy giving a blowjob)...

Whats hardest i guess to grapple with is accepting that over the internet i do not have the context for a lot of stuff. Like in the case of kink that fetishises aspects of the participants own shame or baggage or experiences. I dont have the context for why people may engage with their experiences that way and regardless of whether i think its healthy or not its not appropriate to act a therapist at complete strangers. Though i am familiar with coping mechanisms that are self-harming thats a conversation people need to willingly engage in for it to be purposeful. Though i do have very strong opinions about the impact of engaging in certain things via public easily searchable websites (which is to say idk if its 'coping' to post your kpop rpf misgendering kink fic to ao3)

Generally i think blocking those people works better than callouts though. I dont think callouts change anyones behaviour so unless they are actively predatory towards others it makes more sense to me to just block or vent about it privately. One day i will have 90% of this website blocked tbh....i love blocking people.

But at the same time a lot of people pointing that out come across as dismissive towards people pointing out things like racism or pedophilia because those things do make online spaces hostile and it should be talked about

These things are much more complicated in the age of the world wide web i think.....the scale of interactions and the social dynamics of a sphere where you are frequently dealing with strangers......headache

#ask to tag

[haroldgross]

New Post has been published on Harold Gross: The 5a.m. Critic

New Post has been published on https://literaryends.com/hgblog/maestro/

Maestro

[3 stars]

There are two aspects to this latest Bradley Cooper (Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3) film. First and foremost are the performances which are incredible. Second, but just as important, is the story itself. I found myself needing to separate the two aspects as I thought about how to discuss the movie.

Cooper tackles the music world again in this story, this time as one of the most famous conductors of all time, Leonard Bernstein. But if you’re looking for a straight-forward narrative biopic, this isn’t it. Generally, each scene is impactful with great performances by everyone, adorned by wonderful costumes by Mark Bridges, and done up with truly amazing makeup. However, the scenes don’t string together easily. I’m still piecing together what the intention is, to be honest. It’s more of a series of short scenes leaping through time that simply add up to the final moment like a live-action pointillist rendition. His and Carey Mulligan’s (The Dig) journey provide the center of the movie. And Mulligan steals most of the movie as his wife and fellow creative, not because Cooper isn’t good, but because she’s that good. However, ultimately, it is his love of music that drives it from start to finish even with all the rest of the inter-personal action going on. In fact, music is a very real character in the story even if it is never given a body.

Returning to the makeup for a moment, because it will be getting awards this year… you can’t see Bradley Cooper behind the prosthetics in his later years as Bernstein. He has been absorbed into the part. And Carey Mulligan, again frigging brilliant as his wife, seamlessly ages as the story progresses as well.

I don’t want to discount the rest of the large and talented cast, but they are there only as foils for the couple. The entire movie is a background for the Bernstein’s complicated and intense relationship. And it is one that Cooper and Josh Singer (First Man) pulled together with a more honest eye then you might expect. Their approach to the intensity and chaos of the relationships is reflected in the overlapping dialogue (where Singer’s West Wing experience must have been vital) and fractured conversations.

As a whole, I’m very much on the fence about the resulting movie. There is a throughline and it isn’t so myopic as to miss the rest. But this man, this bigger-than-life composer, conductor, and human is shown only by inference most of the time. His impact was huge, but we’re told about it more than see it, or at least see it happen. A very few critical moments of his life are presented. And that is fair given the focus on his and his wife’s relationship, but I wonder if the original purpose and title of the movie all hold together and deliver on the initial promise. Regardless, do see it. It is crafted wonderfully at the detail level and, if you’re of a certain age, there are plenty of references to enjoy. And, if you’re younger there are many things to seek out after the fact.

Where to watch

#3stars #biography #craft #Drama #Early film #Historical #indie #LGBT #Musical #Romance #SeeIt #Movie Review

[eazybillssoftware]

Best billing software for small business in 2023

As a small business owner, one of the essential aspects of managing your operations is an effective billing system. It offers a comprehensive solution to automate and streamline invoicing, making it an invaluable tool for small businesses, so if you want to embrace the power of billing software and witness your small business thrive in the competitive market.

It would be best to explore the benefits of Billing Software for Small Business and how it can positively impact your business’s financial management. This blog helps you find the software that suits your business needs. So, let's start:

Enhanced Efficiency and Accuracy:

Billing software for small business significantly improves the efficiency of your billing process. Manual invoicing is time-consuming and prone to errors, which leads to delayed payments and dissatisfied customers. With effective billing software, you can generate professional-looking invoices, eliminating the need for manual calculations and reducing risk.  

Simplified Financial Management:

For small businesses, financial management is vital for sustained growth and success. Billing software provides a central hub for managing all financial transactions, allowing you to monitor payments, track expenses, and generate financial reports effortlessly. This data-driven approach helps you make informed decisions, optimize cash flow, and identify cost-saving and revenue-enhancement areas.

Customer Relationship Management (CRM) Integration:

Many billing software solutions come with CRM integration, enabling you to maintain a database for customer information. This feature lets you access client details, transaction history, and communication logs in one place, facilitating personalized and more effective customer interactions. Understanding your client's data better can nurture stronger relationships and foster loyalty.

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Billing software often supports multiple payment features, accommodating the needs or preferences of diverse customers. Whether credit cards, bank transfers, or online payment platforms, the software allows you to accept payments conveniently, resulting in faster processing and reduced late fees.

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Billing software ultimately saves time and money for your small business. By automating repetitive tasks, your team can focus on more value-added activities as it improves customer service, marketing efforts, and product development.

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Billing software for small business often incorporates compliance features to ensure adherence to tax regulations and invoicing standards, reducing the risk of legal complications and financial penalties from billing inaccuracies.

Conclusion:

Implementing Eazybills billing software for small business is a strategic move that yields numerous benefits. By streamlining your billing process, you can focus on growing your business, staying compliant with regulations, and providing top-notch services to your valued customers.

#billing software #gst billing software #invoice software #invoice billing software

[laustenrowe88]

Twilight Zone Pinball Machine Components Bally 1993

Furthermore, our relationships with personal collectors give us entry to many “home use only” titles that different corporations do not have access to. And if there's a specific machine you would possibly be looking for, just let us know. We can find just about anything (and we've had some uncommon requests!). The major play tune for TZ is a WPC model of the loooonnnng guitar solo section from Golden Earring's "Twilight Zone". The Jackpot tune is a WPC version of the CHORUS of that music, the place you hear the principle melody of the song. There are snippets and takeoffs from dozens of TV show moments, means too many to list. This even contains cosmetic contact ups and a full wax clean. We full this 26-point check to make sure your new pinball machine is in tip-top working order and able to spend a new life with its new owner. However, each twilight zone pinball machine for sale machine that comes through our doorways undergoes an extensive 26-point check with our educated engineer. This service is exclusive to every pinball we promote at Home Leisure Direct. This truly is among the best pinball tables of all time. This can be one of many earliest Twilight Zone machines built, as is evidenced by the game’s prototype white clock face which was ultimately up to date later into production. Check out any of our Florida Gulf Coast locations for our large selection of pinball machines. By that we mean that every one parts have been removed from the top aspect of the playfield. Playing surface, ramps, plastics and posts have been cleaned and polished. Ceramic “PowerBall” cleaned to a excessive white shine. If your bank card on file with Proxibid is invalid, expired or won't settle for the cost, you'll incur a $15 non-payment charge. It is your responsibility to have enough credit available on the time of buy. We are very nicely linked in the pinball community and have relationships with a number of the greatest pinball restorers within the country. As a result, we are lucky to have the ability to provide our “high end” restorations to please even the most discriminating customer.

Twilight Zone Led Lighting Package Super Brilliant Customized Full Led Package

Among its famous features include a working gumball machine , a working analog clock , the Powerfield , and the “Powerball”, a white ceramic ball which is lighter than a regular metal ball and is non-magnetic. This pinball machine is in a very good unique condition contemplating its age. There is marginal evidence of ‘planking’ on the game’s playfield, but is troublesome to see except looking on the playfield intently. The cabinet’s exterior colors are pale a little as is common on machines of this age. PROJECTS OK / CASH PAIDI like to restore and restore old pinball machines from the 1970's. Any condition, non working, damaged, broken, and so on. is ok.Thank you, please e-mail when you have an old pinball machine you would like to part with. Remember, this was throughout a time when it was PROFITABLE to sell and function pinball machines. This practice would be laughable at present as a outcome of ANY sale of a pinball machine is an effective sale. For an extra charge, we can replace every single incandescent filament bulb in the sport with fantastically brilliant LED bulbs to make your pinball machine shine, and truly stand out in your games room. Pinball machines are complicated items, which don’t like being moved about, nor do they just like the chilly or humidity. Therefore, when you chose to move the pinball machine from where we initially installed it, or it is saved in a chilly or damp location, our guarantee will turn out to be null and void. We won’t have the flexibility to provide any components in your machine free of cost if it has been by accident damaged or you've tampered with it in any way. We will do our best to search out the cheapest, approach to get your gadgets to you safely. Furniture, giant and heavy objects are the duty of the buyer to safe shipping preparations. For an additional charge we are going to recondition the coin mechanism in your chosen pinball and take a look at it totally, leaving it in full working order. Please select from the drop-down choices at the facet of the display. Clock rebuilt with new extra reliable circuit boards using LED lights. These lights produce just about no heat which was the downfall to the unique board design as the incandescent bulbs that illuminated the clock got too hot, thus damaging the board traces.

Twilight Zone Lcd Tv Mod Pinball Machine Accent By Pinball Pro Tz

Some machines we sell are totally restored, where we will fit new decals, new playfields, new components similar to ramps, and even upgrade certain objects, such because the sound parts. Where this sort of reconditioning process has been undertaken we will make it absolutely clear that that is the case and the worth will mirror the amount of time taken and costs incurred in this process. Following the huge success of The Addams Family pinball game, Midway gave Lawlor full creative management over the design of his subsequent game, and the result's an unusually complex machine. In 1992, Williams' settlement with its distributors gave them exclusive sales proper to a territory. They did not have the proper to sell exterior of their territory. In order to trace the sport's origin from a distributor into the wild, the blacklight number was added. Williams knew where the sport was initially shipped. If the sport turned up outside of that territory, it was assumed that the distributor had "Bootlegged" the sport outdoors of his territory. Then it was up to administration to resolve what penalty to incur on the offender. Game, Midway gave Lawlor full artistic control over the design of his subsequent sport, and the result is an unusually complex machine. The Pinball Company, LLC makes no assure, expressed or implied, on the delivery time of any products offered. Any estimates given are subject to change and are depending on time and technique of payment, product availability, and turnaround occasions of shipping firms. In common, items can take from a quantity of days to some weeks to deliver. New items which are in stock can typically ship proper method, while refurbished items may have to be cleaned and examined earlier than they are able to ship. For the best estimate of shipping occasions for a specific merchandise, please name and speak with a consultant. It is also due to this fact the final game to make use of that audio board. Your registered bank card might be charged twice. Once, inside 24 hours of completion of the public sale, for the gadgets you have purchased. Then, your card might be charged once more, for the shipping and handling value. If we do not hear from you inside 48 hours of the public sale, we'll assume you want us to ship to you. We have several shipping strategies to accommodate your wants. Here is twilight zone pinball for sale, of the varied options for common recreation room merchandise. Pricing is weight-based and calculated at checkout. For all methods, the delivery handle must be accessible to an 18 wheeler freight truck.

Twilight Zone

If parts are required which are not carried at the time these will need to be ordered for you, and will typically must be imported from the States – due to this fact, there could be a await the half to reach. We sell our restored, reconditioned and used products to house customers; in consequence, a functioning coin mechanism isn't included, because the machine might be set to freeplay. However, we do offer the choice to put in a coin mechanism, in case you wish to set your newly bought pinball up for that traditional really feel where you'll be able to insert coins, and even cost your folks to play. If you've won several tons and they will all slot in one box, you then solely pay the $5.00. Larger Items, requiring particular packing containers or extra packaging will incur a minimal charge of $10.00 plus the charge of any particular packing which could be required. Small objects shall be despatched USPS priority mail, insured. Larger gadgets could also be despatched both UPS or FedEx, ground price. Condition of the playfield is the largest consideration on price. Without pics, not sufficient info to suggest a worth. If you can post pics, submit a pic of playfield and a pic of the boards behind the backglass. Back field secret is usually a different key than the coin door, typically hanging on coin door hook or in coin box. At Elite Home Gamerooms, we take delight within the high quality of our merchandise and our service, which is why all of our games come with our trade main guarantee. We offer incredible warranties on both new and restored games.

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[cornellaxid]

Affiliate Marketing Pros

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When compared to typical advertising and marketing, online promoting features a greater range of aspects and mechanisms, that provides the potential of having definitely much better results. The online world is definitely an awesome system. This provides the opportunity of developing a original content but concurrently gives you the opportunity transmit this information to the target market. The ability of working with the presented tools gives numerous advantages to those who want to benefit from the services of specialists. Digital marketing moved into the information age to offer a new practical experience; to establish a special relationship between the one who offers and the individual who consumes. For everybody who is convinced that your company have to undertake a big change, to introduce new practices, then unquestionably, online marketing specialists are the ones who are able to give this guidance. To grow what you are promoting, you need a set of effective resources and these are known as web marketing. The company's level of popularity can be influenced and not only the services proposed attract customers, but also they are really captivated by a long term position when they require it. Find the correct specialists and take advantage of the final results. More information about online marketing browse the best site

[adurami-ekun]

I have another idea

I didn't mean to. Or perhaps I did - more of an on-purpose-accident, a series of wishes and fears and hopes and insecurities that stole my sleep from me until an idea hit me that I decided to run with. It's a big, complicated, and probably stupid idea, but God I just hope it actually happens.

What I'm hoping for - what I've come up with - is a project that will progress over the course of a year, broken up into 30 day chunks to make it easier to keep up with. It combines language learning with calligraphy, design, fashion, and performance. Things that I've dabbled in and dreams that I've had for a while brought together into one concept. The idea is to leverage my tendencies in order to achieve the ultimate goal.

1. Complex Simplicity

I am an overthinker. I make everything simple more complicated than it needs to be. This is because I see elements that contribute to an end more clearly than others, making details look more like mountains than molehills. I make connections where there are none, relationships where there is dissonance. I thus tend to be attracted to problems so that I can come up with solutions, inevitably creating problems where there is none.

This is a tendency that I want to leverage as a strength by creating a project with multiple elements that have to be brought together into one presentation. The complexity is embedded, making it interesting and less likely to either be overdone or forgotten out of boredom. But the result is simple - a pretty little package that will be seen by the audience as the final masterpiece, which I plan on using IG to display once it's ready. Here on Tumblr, my madness will be able to be unleashed.

2. Performance Art

I am a performer by nature. I pick up things quickly for the sake of presenting it in a palatable form for an intended audience. Even my education was a result of my performance tendency, leaving me useless in the profession I had gotten a degree in. Some people call it "people pleasing", which I see as an element but not the whole. Inherently I feel it is necessary to aquire more in order to create the perfect spectacle. It's hard for me to be content with what I have because what I want to give is generally beyond me - more lines, more skills, more clothes, what have you - I gather for the sake of presenting, but without a clear vision, it often ends up more like hoarding.

Leveraging this tendency creates a performance aspect to the project that I mentioned before. Creating for the sake of sharing, learning for the sake of connection, growing for the sake of being seen - I simply make the things I want for myself the steps for achieving a great performance. These things are: learning Yorùbá, the language of my people, creating a brand, building a business, understanding the fashion industry, reaching people for the sake of encouraging and bringing together, and leveraging my love for calligraphy. My tendency for overthinking is the only way that these somewhat disconnected hopes could be connected, and my need for performance value in everything that I do is what will make it happen.

3. Critical timidity

They call it "imposter syndrome", I call it "reality checks." I don't want people to know about me what I know about myself for fear that they will then think of me what I think of myself rather than what I've been able to convince them is true of me. I'm told I'm too hard on myself; my response is that they must not know me very well (or my subterfuge is successful). So you can only imagine my confusion when a man who has seen a lot of my brokenness and the things I despise about myself told me he loves me. I'm still having trouble believing him. But this tendency will also be leveraged as a strength for this project.

Critical timidity is the antidote for passionate ambition. It's patience and foresight in the face of rash action and overconfidence. I've started many things in the past that I've thrown out in less time than it took to begin them. By creating a long-term plan, my criticism has time to be satisfied before it presses the eject button once again and I'm back to rocking in the fetal position. Creating checkpoints of proof and elements of validation will leverage my critical nature to create the best thing I can before the performance begins.

4. Functional extroversion

I'm an introvert with a lot of energy who was trained from very young that this culture treasures extroverts. This was all fun and games until life happened and I started to rapidly run out of energy and turned into a hermit. But I can't get far alone, neither can I do it all on my own (which I despise, but even this tendency I plan to leverage).

I've so far only told one person about my idea - my dear àbúrò who started as my Yorùbá tutor before my criticism ejected that line of thought. But I plan on gathering a small team of loved ones who are better at these elements than I am. They will be my guest audience, my editors, my emotional support. I plan on asking them to remind me how much this means to me, but also to selectively rely on them. By doing so, this project becomes more than just about me. It's building relationships and connections which will support the pathos of the final project, and of course my capacity to achieve the end goal:

The Project: Adurami, a character-driven brand focused on encouraging people to dream, written purely in Yorùbá

The character is a tiger (yes, there are no tigers in Nigeria, and tomatoes are not native to Italy. Tigers are my daughter's favorite animal, and the Yorùbá language has a very thin line between the big cats "ẹkùn", so we're going with a tiger). This tiger will not be static; it's not a logo or an icon. Adurami is a voice, a story, a messenger of hope. It literally means "my prayer" in Yorùbá, and the goal is for the tiger to grow to receive the final version of her name, "God has answered my prayer", or Oludahunadurami. A long name, but each post will be an encouragement to keep asking, to keep trying, to keep starting until the prayer is answered and God's faithfulness is revealed... Just like I'm trying to do now.

Where does fashion come in? Technically that's phase 2, but will be researched in phase 1. Phase 1 is establishing the brand, the character, the language and appropriate translations, and creating a community around it. Phase 2 is the business side, where Adurami becomes a printable asset for clothes, bags, notebooks, shoes, what have you. Phase 3 is fine art - prints, large calligraphic epoxy art (my ultimate dream), and canvas art. Phase 4 is then education - sharing my process, sharing the skills I learned, making Adurami help others do the same if not more.

Each phase should take about a year. If I'm running with measured pace, a year is enough time to solidify the details needed to make this sustainable. I'll make posts that break down each phase, and then posts that detail my progress. This stuff will be useful in getting past the hard times.

Here's to dreams,

Adurami

#adurami #project #fashion #yoruba #dreams #prayer #leveraging

[blakeattorneys]

Household Regulation Litigation Swvg Inc Household Regulation Lawyers Johannesburg

During a search of the property, officers found a mandrax, tik and cocaine. Drugs estimated to be worth hundreds of thousands had been seized in Milnerton, Cape Town, on Wednesday when police raided an apartment. "At the time of the arrest, a 9mm short firearm was seized. The investigation remains to be ongoing, and extra domestic violence attorneys johannesburg arrests are imminent," stated Pretorius. The victim's name has been withheld by the police as a end result of "delicate case", stated Pretorius. However, one of many alleged perpetrators handed himself over to the Hawks and implicated his accomplices, said Hawks spokesperson Leonore Pretorius.

We know the value of good inter-personal relationships, often referred to as our household values, and we consider this brings essential advantages to our clients. The courts took five days to problem a safety order for a girl who had already been the victim of two domestic violence incidents, based on a Cape Town attorney. There are attorney’s and regulation corporations that offer free authorized assist to individuals who have a authorized problem that holds merit. A means check might be done to see if you qualify for the assist of a pro bono attorney. A protection order is issued together with a warrant of arrest to allow the police to arrest the assailant who disobeys the protection order particularly where the sufferer is in immediate hazard. After the arrest of the assailant he/she might be introduced before courtroom the following working day on criminal charges of contravening the protection order.

In addition, all the administrative and authorized aspects of your marriage would solely be applicable to the first marriage. Ultimately, it’s not a good suggestion to remarry whereas going through a divorce as it complicates the administrative procedures. In all of the years that I even have personally identified domestic violence attorneys johannesburg the staff at Houghton Harper I can say that they have always been skilled, they're at all times friendly and all the time prepared to help to the utmost best of their abilities, they always make you fe...

My interest in household law was sparked with my parent’s divorce, and this gives me a singular perception into the ramification of a divorce. I have a BA LLB from the University of Cape Town and was admitted in 2005, whereafter I spent a year in London working for the Financial Services Authority of their fraud division. On my return to Johannesburg, I worked for Beverley Clark at Clarks Attorneys the place I obtained wonderful mentorship and expertise in all areas of family legislation. I left Clarks Attorneys in 2011 and spent eight months living in Israel, earlier than returning to Johannesburg in early 2012 to set up my own practice.

Really impressed by how the necessary precedence was given to my matter, in addition to their commitment to assist me to the fullest extent attainable. As litigation specialists, we'll attend to your day in court so as to be positive that judgement goes your method. Our staff consists of the best domestic violence attorneys johannesburg attorneys in Cape Town, Paarl and surrounding areas. Applications and actions regarding various areas of the law, together with Commercial Law, Law of Interdicts, Law of Contract, Insolvency Law, mediation, and Matrimonial matters. He is extraordinarily educated, technique orientated and ferocious to achieve results.

#domestic violence

[learnaboutseo]

Just How to Efficiently Complete in the Global Market For Seo Providers

In order to efficiently complete in the international market for search engine optimization solutions, you must have an extensive understanding of this market. This report offers important information that will help you examine the seo services market. The record includes market forecasts and also evaluation of key fads and chauffeurs. It also supplies understandings right into the consumer base and the relationship between vital data sets. Read on to find out much more. And do not neglect to purchase your duplicate today! While you may wish to do your own SEO, it is not constantly possible to compete with gigantic companies. Obtaining top search results calls for careful preparation, white-hat techniques, as well as a commitment to constant adjustments. Unlike other areas of organization, you probably do not have the moment or understanding to do this on your own. So, many local business owner work with a company for this purpose. Right here are some advantages of utilizing a search engine optimization agency: Among the benefits of search engine optimization is the capability to boost brand name awareness long after a customer has actually bought from you. Learn more about seo in this article. 

Seo assists you accomplish this via organic development without spending for advertising each time somebody clicks your internet site. This is why it has the highest possible ROI amongst all advertising services. The greater your visibility on the internet, the more probable your target audience will certainly remember you. Additionally, when Google places web sites, it checks out not only the variety of backlinks to your web site, but additionally any kind of states of your brand that aren't connected. Prior to working with a search engine optimization company, make certain to inquire to execute a preliminary audit of your web site. Along with offering a fundamental proposition, they ought to be eager to sell you their solutions. While a lot of firms aspire to offer, search engine optimization is a technological process that calls for extensive understanding. A competent SEO company will enjoy to discuss the various aspects of their process. Click here to learn more about seo. 

This aids you to make a notified decision on which solution is finest matched for your company. SEO is essential for an organization for numerous factors. Initially, it aids you obtain even more organic traffic and brand acknowledgment. It additionally drives web traffic to your site that is targeted to your target audience. Ultimately, search engine optimization enhances sales. You will certainly make even more cash when more people learn about your products and services. An excellent seo company will certainly help you get there quicker. You'll be astonished at the outcomes. There are lots of benefits to hiring a firm that offers these solutions. Seo calls for a complicated technique. A well-optimized internet site will be ranked highly by search engines, as well as it needs to contain pertinent material and also key words that individuals may search for. If your site isn't high-level, it means that your clients will not discover you and also will certainly count on your competition. If they can not locate your business, it's time to search for a SEO service. You'll rejoice you did. Check out this related post: https://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Search_engine_optimization to get more enlightened on the topic.

[madtype]

remind me to write up a post about my thoughts on

1. the complexities of makoto and majima's relationship and experiences with each other in y0 and the aftermath of it throughout their lives

2. interpreting the relationship that kiryu and majima have with each other and comparing that to the reductive, honestly kind of homophobic and definitely Extremely boring way that intense fandom types tend to portray them

#this is mostly to remind myself. i'll see this tmo #i have so so so many thoughts on both these things #makoto & majima thoughts can be summarized by: #their relationship isn't strictly romantic OR platonic or anything specific it's just love #and the Kind of love it is also is hard to pin down bc both of their experiences with love have been extremely skewed #and from what we as the audience know primarily within the context of abuse #kiryu & majima thoughts can be summarized by: #it is undeniable that they care deeply about each other and love each other #and that fighting is their primary form of emotional and physical intimacy #AND that the foundation of their love is shared experiences & mutual understanding of their own emotional stunting #there are so many complicating aspects to their relationship that ultimately result in a relationship that is deeply intimate and that they #can Only have with one another. and there's implicit trust in that. #so WITH that in mind... i fucking hate people who reduce them to hotted sexy gay men who are so cutesy and nice nd [insert homophobia here] #i hate when theyre reduced to the same goddamn shipping dynamic EVERY fandom uses whenever two men like. show any care for each other #where they completely ignore the actual fun and interesting and complex relationship so they can just make them do penis at each other #(i'm a gay man i promise i'm not being evil. I do penis at men. this is a joke even if it is in bitterness) #if i spend any longer in these tags they will turn into an essay so no more.

[wonda-cat]

Misconceptions About Tommyinnit’s Character That Genuinely INFURIATE Me

Since the recent events following the second L’Manburg Festival and subsequent war, I’ve seen many, many hot takes surrounding the nature of Tommyinnit’s character on the SMP. Some of which annoyed me to the point where I felt compelled to sit down and actually write this. I’m going to only be highlighting the most common complaints or questions I’ve seen, one by one, in hopes of providing a better understanding of Tommy’s character for anyone interested. (I also briefly discuss Techno and Tubbo’s characters as well.)

If you’ve said similar things to what I’m going to be discussing below, please know that it’s perfectly understandable how you’d come to these conclusions. Some of these aspects of Tommy’s character are not always obvious; especially if being watched from another streamer’s POV. This may become quite lengthy, so bear with me for now.

“Tommy’s motives are all over the place. He can’t decide whether he wants the discs back or not.”

Tommy is actually one of the most motivationally consistent characters on the entire Dream SMP. Even Techno, someone completely confident in their ideals, does more motivational flipping than Tommy. From the very start of the story, Tommy has always cared for three things; L’Manburg, Tubbo, and his music discs. However, him caring for something is not itself a motivation. 

Surprisingly enough, his motivation isn’t even just, ‘Get my discs back,’ like many assume it is. Tommy’s one true motivation, since the end of the Independence War, has always been, ‘Keep things the way they are now.’ 

Tommy’s one fatal flaw is that he is resistant to change and refuses to let go of the past. This is seen through all of his actions and words; in all conflicts involving him. This flaw is the drive to all of Tommy’s mistakes. Burning down George’s house, an action which resulted in him getting exiled, was done out of a desire to pull pranks the way he used to before the first war. His friendship with Ranboo started because Tommy said he reminded him of Tubbo, back before he was President. 

Tommy still talks highly of Wilbur because he chooses to remember him as the wise, kind mentor who cared for him. This motive is the reason he defends L’Manburg so fiercely; it’s his memory of a better past. This is why he holds grudges more often than any other character; especially refusing to forgive Techno after he killed Tubbo during the Manburg Massacre.

It’s why Tommy falls under extreme distress whenever Tubbo or Quackity tell him that something will never be the same again. This motivation is entirely formed from an underlying desire for peace and comfort, something Tommy has been denied since being forced into a life wrought with war and death. To accept change, to Tommy, is painful and terrifying. But he will only ever truly be happy when he finally learns to let go.

“Why do the discs matter so much to Tommy? They’re not actually worth anything.”

Tommy’s discs are much more than just any ordinary pair of music discs. They were never important for their material worth, but for what Tommy was willing to sacrifice in order to keep them. Tommy is entirely what gives the discs their value. 

Tommy also commonly operates under the Sunk-Cost Fallacy, wherein he’s invested too much of himself into something to just abandon it, even if it’s causing him problems. This mentality is a huge piece of what keeps him tied to both L’Manburg and to his discs. He’s sacrificed too much at this point to simply let them go. If he admits the discs are worthless, then he’s admitting that he wasted all this time and effort, just to keep them.

The discs also act as a constant source of hope for Tommy because they are directly tied with his motivations as a character. They’re something he’s had since the very beginning. They’re something he used to listen to with Tubbo on their shared bench. 

To Tommy, they symbolize a life before war, filled with comfort and peace. They are a love letter to his country and his late mentor Wilbur. They are a physical representation of Tubbo’s companionship. They are the only thing, besides L’Manburg and his best friend, that gives him the hope that he can one day return things to the way they used to be. 

This ideal, paired with Tommy’s refusal to let go, has left him ruthlessly pursuing the things he’s lost. Not his music discs, but his peace and comfort, his friendship, his country, his mentor Wilbur, and his life before war.

In his desperation to hold onto his prized possession, it has only hurt and pushed away the people that love him. If Tommy continues to ignore this reality, while still refusing to resolve his major flaw entwined with it, he will lose all that the discs had once stood for. He will lose his country, then his friend Tubbo, and then he will lose himself.

“Tommy never grows or learns from his mistakes. This makes him a badly written character.”

Characters do not have to constantly learn from their actions to be well-written. Tommy is one of the best examples of this. The fact that his growth is infrequent is the entire point of his character; it’s completely stemmed from his fatal flaw. 

By addressing himself, he would be accepting change, something that terrifies him; something he stubbornly resists until he is absolutely forced to confront it. Contrary to popular belief, Tommy knows when he makes mistakes, but he pretends to be ignorant as to avoid facing reality. He digs his head in the sand despite knowing better, puppeteering the person he used to be during happier times, now gone.

In spite of his infrequent growth, the idea that Tommy still hasn’t learned anything isn’t quite correct either. Tommy, as of the last three plot streams, has shown incredible character development. By giving up his discs again, he had finally demonstrated that Tubbo is more important to him than his possessions. Speaking as a makeshift leader, he put aside his issues with others to rally them together against a common threat, something which Tommy had never been able to do before. He owned up to all of his mistakes openly, apologizing to everyone he’s ever hurt in one place. 

He apologized to Tubbo after they were reunited and came to terms with the fact that Tubbo was forced to exile him without choice, finally forgiving him. He was kind to Sapnap and learned how to be his friend after months of bitter rivalry. And these are only a few examples. This isn’t to say Tommy has overcome/fixed everything because he clearly hasn’t. There are still major things Tommy needs to work through that remain unaddressed, the biggest being his complicated relationship with Technoblade.

“Tommy only cares about himself. He does everything in his power to be the hero, always putting himself in the center of attention, especially during Doomsday.”

Tommy, since the start of the L’Manburg War for Independence, has never set out to be a hero. Not once. He may fall into the role of the protagonist, but his identity as a hero was pushed onto him by others. Giving up the discs was his only option during the Independence War. 

So when Wilbur called him a hero for it, Tommy said he didn’t feel like he was. During the November 16th War, Tommy again said he didn’t feel like a hero because he had lost what he thought was everything at the time. During exile, Tommy certainly knew he was no hero. And upon reuniting with Tubbo, he admitted to feeling like the farthest thing from it. That he’d hurt everyone and all he wanted to do now was fix it. 

The day before Doomsday, Tommy only took a leadership position because no one else was willing to, filling the role for Tubbo, who was crumbling under pressure. He had no choice but to try to bring everyone together, or fight alone. Most viewers never saw this during Doomsday, but before the battle, almost everyone who had vowed to fight alongside L’Manburg had abandoned them the very next day. They were convinced it was going to be destroyed either way, no matter what they did, so they chose not to see it through to the end; ultimately leaving Tommy and those who remained to fight a losing battle, alone. 

After about a third of the way through the battle, it became clear to everyone that they could do nothing to win. One by one, everyone stopped fighting and stood by to watch their country go up in smoke. Tommy was the only person on the battlefield who refused to stand down and give up. And so he took over the role as leader again, trying his best to keep them alive, to keep Tubbo hopeful; to keep fighting, no matter what. 

However, what most people don’t realize, is that this isn’t Tommy trying to be a hero or force himself into the spotlight. This is Tommy trying to convince himself to keep going. Because whenever things start to look hopeless, Tommy simply chooses to ignore them. He puts on a happy face and soldiers through it because that’s all he knows how to do. Tommy, at his core, is someone who wants peace through stagnation. He doesn’t want to fight, although causing the occasional friendly conflict is how he finds fun. He doesn’t set out to purposely hurt others. 

Tommy may come across as self-centered, but this is because he is an extremely extroverted character. He finds energy and joy in the attention of others, both good and bad. It’s why he’s always seeking the approval of others and, oftentimes, will destructively insert himself into another person’s life in order to find it. 

Out of every character in the story, Tommy is the most drawn to praise and positive reinforcement. He is constantly seeking out mentors and friends because Tommy needs someone else to help him feel confident in his own identity and abilities. It’s why Wilbur was such a positive influence on him. His boisterous confidence has always been a front because if anyone were to actually hurt him, he knows it will make his self-esteem crumble instantly. 

This is part of why Dream’s manipulation was so effective against him. By isolating him, he’s left without energy and looking to another person’s guidance. Tommy outwardly may seem independent and rude, but just under the skin, he’s unconfident and lost when he’s by himself. Tommy will only grow from this flaw when he finds his own identity and inner confidence; when he finally learns to be okay with being alone.

“Tommy goes to the festival solely to get his disc back and then tells Tubbo to give it away immediately after. That doesn’t make any sense.”

Before the screaming match between the two friends during the second L’Manburg Festival, Tommy had been in exile, manipulated by Dream for long enough to lose his will to carry on. It is because of him that Tommy’s reality becomes distorted, long after fleeing from his abuser. This mangling of ideals leads Tommy to subconsciously believe that L’Manburg and Tubbo are unsalvageable. 

Therefore, the only thing he has hopes of retrieving are his discs, which are easier to manage than the latter two things. And so Tommy does reprehensible things at the behest of Techno in a vain hope of getting them back, going so far as to kidnap and torture for them. This ultimately culminates in a confrontation between the ex-friends, quickly turning violent. It is in this violence that we see Tommy has sunk to his absolute lowest point in his journey. 

Swinging his axe, he nearly kills his friend as he delivers a string of words that cause the room to silence instantly. He says the discs were always worth more than his friend. Within the quiet of the room, Tommy is forced to reflect on everything he’s done. How he kidnapped and tortured Connor. How he accidentally drowned Fundy. How he traumatized Ranboo. 

And now he’s hurt Tubbo, the one person he has always sought to protect; someone he vowed to never hurt. This realization causes Tommy to break. He’s so ashamed of himself that he can’t look at anyone. Tommy knows now that he is worse than anyone he’s ever hated. 

With pain in his voice, he tries and fails to apologize to Tubbo in the moment. The only way he knows to redeem himself now is to prove to Tubbo, after everything, that he can still put the discs aside. And so he does.

“The fact that Tommy is still trying to get his discs back after L’Manburg was destroyed is unreasonable and ridiculous.”

Tommy deals with grief in an interesting way, doing something very similar to Techno. His grief almost instantly becomes anger and a drive to prove himself. It morphs into a need for vengeance in response to injustice, always. 

After the destruction of L’Manburg, Tommy saying he wants the discs back is a double-sided motivator. The obvious side being: Tommy still needs them to feel comfort. The subtle side beneath it: Tommy is using them as an excuse to find Dream and kill him. To make him pay for helping destroy their home, hurting his friends, and abusing him in exile. 

Upon the loss of his home, I’d also argue the discs have only grown more important to Tommy in the aftermath. Typically, in grief, people hold onto things that survive devastation far more than if the tragic event never occurred. If your eldest child dies, one may hold their surviving children tighter. If your house burns down, one may deeply treasure a box of items that survived the flames. Tommy’s desperation after losing so much is entirely understandable.

On top of this, the discs are still the core to Tommy’s fatal flaw. They are what keeps him from achieving total happiness, so him getting over this intrinsic part of himself so easily would make for an unsatisfying character arc. He still has to work for his happiness in order to change for the better. 

To add, I’ve seen a lot of people complaining that Tommy is still prioritizing the discs over Tubbo, especially in that moment. And while I mostly agree, there are some interactions that stand out to me as being different between the pair that may imply otherwise. Tommy says a few times that despite L’Manburg being destroyed, he still has something left to lose; each time, turning to look at Tubbo. 

This subtly implies that losing Tubbo would be as devastating as losing his home. Tubbo also never voices disagreement over Tommy’s continued pursuit of the item. However, Tubbo frequently does what he thinks will make others happy, so this doesn’t implicitly mean support for Tommy either. Besides these two things, this is still Tommy’s fatal flaw shining through, continuing to hurt others around him. 

I only hope Tubbo can learn to stand up for himself and voice his real thoughts to Tommy now, after everything. It would provide at least some desperately-needed closure for Tubbo’s character.

“How could Tommy betray Techno like that? Techno told him upfront what he was going to do.”

While it’s true that Techno was obvious about his plans, Tommy was also just as upfront with Techno about what he thought of it. In fact, maybe even more so, considering Techno attempted to hide them from Tommy for a good portion of their partnership. Whenever Techno brought up the idea of destroying L’Manburg or hurting Tubbo, Tommy would always remind Techno that he didn’t want to hurt anyone. And that if Techno ever did, Tommy would be there to stand in his way. He never once stopped saying this. 

Tommy’s two major positive character traits have always been his undying loyalty and his strength to never give up, even in the face of death. Two classically heroic qualities, both of which, ironically, reinforce his fatal flaw. His refusal to change makes him stubborn; stubbornness being the only quality that makes unwavering loyalty and extreme persistence feasible. 

Because of these two traits, it was impossible from the start for Dream to completely break Tommy’s spirit and for Techno to get him to agree to anything too extreme. Despite this, Techno already had no hope of keeping Tommy on his side after the events of the day before the Festival. During it, Tommy had asked multiple times for Techno to give his word not to hurt anyone. That they’d only threaten to spawn a wither, get Techno’s remaining weapons in exchange, then leave. That’s it.

Techno avoided directly promising Tommy but still agreed not to regardless. So when Techno chose to spawn the wither anyway, despite Tommy urging them to leave multiple times, whatever trust Tommy had with him went completely out the window. Thus, when the threat was finally real, that Techno would make due on his promise to burn his home country to the ground and slaughter his friends, Tommy intervened. It would be unreasonable to expect Tommy not to stand against him in that moment, especially after his mental breakdown which ensued as a result of him nearly killing his best friend. 

Adding salt to the wound on Tommy’s end, Techno decided to also align himself with Dream, someone Techno knew Tommy was afraid of. This might have been a way to purposely hurt Tommy. More likely, it was because Dream and him shared a common goal in the moment and Techno desperately needed allies.

However, the implication of Techno siding with Tommy’s abuser most certainly hurt him, regardless of its original intentions. This is possibly why Tommy kept insisting through Doomsday that Techno betrayed him, avoiding actually telling anyone the reason as to why. If he couldn’t find the words to describe what Dream did to him, even to Tubbo, he certainly wouldn’t be able to tell Techno either.

“Techno gave Tommy everything, only to be repaid with betrayal.”

This statement regarding Tommy is the one I see most often. (It is also the one I get the most heated about.)

Dream’s character is well known for his manipulation tactics against other characters; pitting them against each other, crushing them under his heel, bending their will to conform to his own. It’s what makes him an interesting villain. It’s something fun to discuss. 

But is it still fun to discuss manipulation tactics if they’re so subtle, almost no one notices them? This is the paradigm Technoblade’s character falls into. While people know Techno for his laid-back personality, dry humor, and complex motivations, many fail to recognize him as a manipulator. The reason why this is so hard to spot is because it is mostly unintentional on behalf of the character. Dream performs his craft with intention, Techno does it without realizing. 

As well as this being unwitting, it is sandwiched between Techno’s actual attempts to connect with Tommy and care for him. Thus, making the manipulation feel less damaging. The only problem is, this still hurts Tommy just as much, regardless of the intentions behind it. Especially after just escaping Dream, Tommy’s reality and sense of identity are horribly distorted. In this vulnerable state, he desperately needs healing and someone to help ground him. This is what makes him even more susceptible to Techno’s influence. 

And because it is much subtler, it is harder to notice, and much harder to break free from. Despite Tommy claiming to hate Techno for what he did on November 16th, he still chose to flee to his house because it was the only place he could think of going, as well as being the safest area possible. After the failed execution, Techno mentioned potentially hurting Tubbo through a vengeance plot. Tommy voiced extreme distress over this, to which Techno threatened to kick him out of his house. 

Tommy then says he’s fine being homeless because he doesn’t want anything to do with someone who would hurt his friend. This is when Techno decides to weaponize Tommy’s own trauma against him. To be fair to Techno again, Tommy never told him the extent of the abuse he suffered in exile. But Techno isn’t stupid. He knows Tommy is extremely afraid of Dream, and for good reason. 

So he tells Tommy that if he were kicked out, he’d be defenseless. That if he were out there all alone, Dream would find him very easily. That Dream would drag him right back to Logstedshire in an instant. He notices the way Tommy reacts to this, how quickly he changes his mind about being kicked out. He continues to use this trauma repeatedly in order to keep Tommy under his roof, no matter how disagreeable he gets about Techno’s plans. He knows he can’t retrieve his weapons alone because he has no leverage. 

Therefore, using Tommy like a wild card was a major side strategy. Techno knows it will hurt Tubbo by doing this and may make the President more willing to compromise. In addition to this, many of the strategies Techno utilizes are Narcissistic manipulation tactics, categorized by their intent to keep the victim in a position below the abuser in terms of worth. This includes Techno using the silent treatment as a punishment, something which hurts Tommy since he craves affection from others. 

He also attempts to isolate Tommy by telling him he doesn’t need anyone else; that everyone abandoned him during exile (something which Dream has also said.) He tells Tommy that he’s only alive because Techno is there to defend him and supply for him, as well as constantly reminding Tommy to not let any compliments he receives get to his head. These are both meant to make Tommy depend more on Techno and doubt his own abilities. Techno also occasionally engages in subtle gaslighting, attempting to sow doubt in Tommy’s mind about his relationships with Tubbo, Quackity, Ranboo, and Fundy. 

It’s also vital to keep in mind what exactly separates Dream and Techno in this regard. The most important thing being that Techno actually does care about Tommy. He trusts him and wants to earnestly help him. He knows Tommy has been traumatized and abused in some way, but he doesn’t know how to help because he’s not that great with people. It also doesn’t help that Tommy is unable to tell anyone what happened. 

In the end, Techno really does want to be a shield for Tommy. Despite debating handing Tommy over to Dream, it’s more likely Techno was using this as bait for Dream to waste his favor on something useless. After all, he could always save Tommy, should he ask for him to. Techno’s warnings about Tubbo and L’Manburg also come from a place of love, as Techno was personally hurt by them and wants to protect Tommy by telling him to leave it behind. However, just because something is done out of love, doesn’t mean it’s automatically helpful or good for someone. 

There’s no better example of this than in Techno’s most damaging and frequently used tactic: ‘Buy Their Love,’ a technique commonly used on children by narcissistic parents. At first glance, nothing seems wrong. Techno gives Tommy most things he asks for; providing him with food, gifts, protection, and a place to sleep. The manipulation within this arises when the act of kindness is counted as a debt against the person who receives it. That by receiving so many good things, they would be ungrateful to go against their abuser. Doesn’t matter if they emotionally or physically hurt you, they gave you gifts, so you should shut your mouth and allow the abuse to continue. 

Whenever Tommy speaks out against Techno’s violent actions or his plans to hurt his friends, Techno would frequently bring up all his ‘good deeds.’ He consistently reminds Tommy that he could’ve just thrown him back to Dream, but he was too kind. That he went out of his way to give him gear, food, and a roof over his head. That he was kind so Tommy should be quiet and let Techno plot to hurt the people he loves. Or else he’s selfish and ungrateful. Or else Techno will take all of his gifts back and leave him with nothing.

Knowing this, it is horrifying seeing people justifying this behavior by mocking Tommy’s character and calling him ungrateful using this very same fallacy. (Especially for those who grew up being controlled by this very tactic.) 

It is through knowing Techno’s use of the ‘Buy Their Love,’ method that makes Tommy’s, ‘I am worthy,’ response, not one of betrayal, but one of triumph. This moment is a major positive character change for Tommy for many reasons. When Tommy decides to stand against Techno, this causes him to fall back on his most reliable tactic. He insults Tommy and then asks for the Axe of Peace back. Instead of caving, Tommy refuses. 

By keeping the Axe of Peace, Techno’s final gift to him, he is not only rejecting the destruction of all he loves, but he is breaking free from Techno’s manipulation. He says, ‘I am worthy,’ because now he knows his own self-worth. He doesn’t need Techno or Dream to decide it for him. This moment is Tommy finally breaking free from not just Techno, but Dream as well. He is finally free.

“Tommy was only using Techno and never thought of him as a friend.”

Tommy and Techno’s relationship is complicated, which is why pretending only one side was in the wrong isn’t entirely accurate. Their friendship, in summary, is tragic when fully examined; being doomed from the start. Techno and Tommy are brought into conflict often because they are simultaneously so similar and so different. Techno and Tommy both deal with grief in the same way. They both long for a life of peace and comfort. They each long for companionship, hold their ideals in kind, and are both naturally resilient in the face of adversity. 

Yet, their personalities and courses of action are polar opposites. What makes this friendship one of tragedy is the fact that not just Techno, not just Tommy, but both of them, actually thought the other was their friend. They had each wanted to be the other’s friend since the day they’d met. Tommy never stopped wanting to impress Techno and get on his good side, even if his methods annoyed the target of his affections. Him calling Techno ‘The Blade’ was never meant to dehumanize him; it was a title of adoration. 

Along the same spectrum, Techno is a character who generally longs for friendship, but pretends not to after a lifetime of hurt. He’s been burned too many times, and so he chooses to stay alone. Techno is generally very reclusive and awkward around others, so when he likes someone or cares for them, it’s noticeable from a mile away. Their friendship has a very brotherly dynamic, and the fact that Techno allowed him to stay in his house, implies Tommy is a step above pretty much everyone else but Phil. Putting up with Tommy’s shenanigans is itself a sign of affection. 

However, when their goals come into conflict and the two start to drift apart, they deal with this in massively different ways. With Tommy devastated and enraged, and with Techno withdrawn and hurt, once more burned by someone he slowly learned to trust. They were once both friends, neither one was pretending. Yet, both of them thought their companionship was unreciprocated. 

On top of this, both Techno and Tommy were using each other. Techno used Tommy to get his weapons back by manipulating and lying to him. Tommy used Techno to protect him from Dream and get his discs back. They each hurt the other and refused to listen, both shouting valid complaints at the other that they refused to hear. 

Their relationship is also deeply affected by the themes of vengeance in the current arc, which is something I haven’t seen many people talk about. Most of the current conflicts this past month have resulted from characters being unable to forgive, resorting to revenge as a way to cope with loss. L’Manburg was the first to initiate this, through the influence of Quackity. The Butcher Army was formed to punish Techno for a war crime he committed. And while this is perfectly reasonable, what isn’t is the way the incident was orchestrated. It was an unchecked abuse of power to execute someone without a fair trial, as well as punishing Phil, who was not involved whatsoever. 

This was also particularly unfair to Techno, as many projected their anger at Wilbur onto him. Even Tommy did this, finding himself unable to blame his late mentor, so Techno was the next best option for him. However, it was Techno’s response to this that was interesting. He chose a path of vengeance, the same way L’Manburg did, after vowing to live his life as a pacifist. By doing this and following through, he hurt everyone, not just the people he claimed needed to pay for their actions. 

Instead of just picking the weed in the garden, he set the entire flower bed on fire. Through L’Manburg’s destruction, he gets what he wants. He destroys their government, but he also scars the earth and shatters the sky. He leaves uninvolved people homeless, deeply hurting Ranboo, Eret, and especially Ghostbur. Philza turns to vengeance as well, taking his anger at the death of his son out on people who do not deserve it. 

Tubbo, a day before the second Festival, was given another chance to seek revenge when Techno had spawned a wither on their land. Instead, all Tubbo could say was, ‘We do nothing … It’s pointless, vengeance. It’s poisonous.’ By doing this, he has managed to be a bigger person than even Techno was, with the strength and maturity to turn the other cheek. And now with Tommy’s plan to kill Dream, the conflict continues to escalate; only ending where forgiveness begins. 

It’s sad to think, if Techno didn’t choose a path of vengeance and Tommy was strong enough to tell Techno how he really felt, the two might have remained friends. Who knows? Maybe they still can.

“Tommy was the one in the wrong. Techno was right to destroy L’Manburg.”

Techno is a lovely character. He’s well-written, engaging, funny. He has many values and quirks that are generally relatable and interesting. His motives are deeply understandable and sympathetic. And yet, he is perfectly capable of being evil, in just the same way that Tommy can be deeply flawed despite being the protagonist. 

I’m sure most people already know that Technoblade is a villain. Or more accurately, a tragic antagonist. Techno (the streamer) knows he is and he’s having fun playing that part. Just because a character is morally in the wrong doesn’t mean their values and ideology don’t have merit. The best character I could compare Techno to is Thanos. 

They have completely valid concerns and points, but it is the way in which they go about achieving their goals that makes them into evil people. And despite this, many will still agree with them, even after they do something reprehensible. Contrary to popular belief, Technoblade’s tendency towards violence isn’t a good thing, no matter how you look at it. Even Techno himself knows this, that’s why he decided to reform and become a pacifist with Phil. He was not a good influence on Tommy, on top of also manipulating him. 

Techno caving to hatred and vengeance makes him no different to the resolve of the Butcher Army that pursued him. It is precisely the fact that he went on to destroy the home of not just Tommy, but also Ranboo and Ghostbur, that puts him in the wrong. He is allowed to despise all government and remove himself from it, but the moment he decided to insert himself into someone else’s country and take their home from them in order to destroy it, he abandoned an integral principle to his own values. 

This principle being: ‘Choice.’ The act of letting others be free to decide what they want for themselves. It is a huge component to the concept of anarchy, the freedom to choose. And yet Techno robbed this from, not just the ruling powers that hurt him, but individuals who were not even involved in the first place. He justifies this by saying it’s for their own good, that he’s helping; while acting in a self-serving manner. 

In his anger, he became the punisher, stooping lower than L’Manburg has ever gone. There is also the issue of Dream weaponizing Techno to destroy the one thing that has been a thorn in his side since the very start, manipulating Techno’s grief to achieve his goals. Tommy’s biggest sin in the Doomsday War was standing up to Techno and getting in the way of him hurting his friends and destroying his home. 

This isn’t to say Tommy is perfect, because he still hurt everyone he ever loved. But the only way he knew to redeem himself was to fight for what he knew was right. And so he chose to fight alongside his best friend, Tubbo. However, just because Techno is in the wrong doesn’t mean others are wrong for wanting to side with him, or by finding joy in his ruthlessness. The biggest appeal of Techno is the fact that he opposes people like Tommy. 

He knows how to put people in their place and it’s satisfying to watch. Some people love rooting for villains and it’s entertaining to see a being with so much power crush everyone else down so effortlessly. Especially because it’s so easy to sympathize with Technoblade. Sympathetic villains are the best kind; where they have understandable motivations, relatable flaws, people they love, and something they can lose. Dream is a villain you love to hate. Technoblade is a villain you hate to love. Simple as. 

Despite the destruction of L’Manburg being either devastating or fantastic depending on who you are, there is one major good it has done. It has pushed Tommy more towards the completion of his character arc. By losing one of the three things he loves, it will be impossible for him to pretend any longer. He will be forced to confront reality very soon. It all depends on whether Tubbo will have to die first for him to finally see it.

#dream smp #character analysis #tommy innit #tommyinnit #mcyt #tubbo #technoblade #techno apologist #tommy apologist #long post #dream smp meta #dsmp tommy #dsmp tubbo #dsmp techno #tubbo dream smp #tommyinnit dream smp #technoblade dream smp #dream smp roleplay #tw gaslighting #tw manipulation #tw emotional manipulation #dreamwastaken #dsmp dream #philza #philza minecraft #dsmp philza #dream team

[pumpkinpaix]

mdzs fandom, diaspora, and cultural exchange

Hey everyone. This post contains a statement that’s been posted to my twitter, but was a collaborative effort between several diaspora fans over the last few weeks. Some of the specifics are part of a twitter-localized discourse, but the general sentiments and issues raised are applicable across the board, including here on tumblr.

If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ve probably seen a few of my posts about this fandom, cultural exchange, and diasporic identity. For example, here, here, and here. This statement more directly criticizes some of the general issues I and others have raised in the past, and also hopefully provides a little more insight into where those issues come from. I would be happy if people took the time to read and reblog this, as the thought that went into it is not trivial, and neither is the subject matter. Thank you.

Introduction

Hello. I'm a member of a Chinese diaspora discord server - I volunteered to try and compile a thread of some thoughts regarding our place and roles in the fandom expressed in some of our recent discussions. This was primarily drafted by me and reviewed/edited by others with the hopes that we can share a cohesive statement on our honest feelings instead of repeatedly sharing multiple, fragmented versions of similar threads in isolation.

This was compiled by one group of diaspora and cannot be taken to represent diaspora as a whole, but we hope that our input can be considered with compassion and understanding of such.

For context, we are referencing two connected instances: the conflict described in these two threads (here and here), and when @/jelenedra tweeted about giving Jewish practices to the Lans. Regarding the latter, we felt that it tread into the territory of cultural erasure, and that it came from a person who had already disrespected diaspora’s work and input.

Context

The Lans have their own religious and cultural practices, rooted both in the cultural history of China and the genre of xianxia. Superimposing a different religious practice onto the Lans amidst other researched, canonical or culturally accurate details felt as if something important of ours was being overwritten for another’s personal satisfaction. Because canon is so intrinsically tied to real cultural, historical, and religious practices, replacing those practices in a canon setting fic feels like erasure. While MDZS is a fantasy novel, the religious practices contained therein are not. This was uncomfortable for many of us, and we wanted to point it out and have it resolved amicably. We were hoping for a discussion or exchange as there are many parallels and points of relation between Chinese and Jewish cultures, but that did not turn out quite as expected.

What happened next felt like a long game of outrage telephone that resulted in a confusion of issues that deflected responsibility, distracted from the origin of the conflict, and swept our concern under the rug.

Specifically, we are concerned about how these two incidents are part of what we feel is a repeated, widespread pattern of the devaluing of Chinese fans’ work and concerns within this fandom. This recent round of discourse is just one of many instances where we have found ourselves in a position of feeling spoken over within a space that is nominally ours. Regardless of what the telephone game was actually about, the way it played out revealed something about how issues are prioritized.

Background

MDZS is one of the first and largest franchises of cmedia that has become popular and easily accessible outside of China. Moreover, it’s a piece of queer Chinese media that is easily accessible to those of us overseas. For many non-Chinese fans, this is the first piece of cmedia they have connected with, and it’s serving as their introduction to a culture previously opaque to them. What perhaps is less obvious is that for many Chinese diaspora fans, this is also the first piece of cmedia THEY have connected with, found community with, seen themselves in.

Many, many of us have a fraught relationship with our heritage, our language—we often suffer from a sense of alienation, both from our families and from our surrounding peers. For our families, our command of the language and culture is often considered superficial, clunky, childish. Often, connecting with our culture is framed as a mandatory academic duty, and such an approach often fosters resentment towards our own heritage. For our non-Chinese peers, our culture is seen as exotic and strange and other, something shiny and interesting to observe, while we, trapped in the middle, find ourselves uprooted and adrift.

MDZS holds an incredibly important place in many diaspora’s hearts. Speaking for myself, this is literally the first time in my life I have felt motivated and excited about my own native tongue. It's the first time I have felt genuine hope that I might one day be able to speak and read it without fear and self-doubt. It is also the first time that so many people have expressed interest in learning from me, in hearing my thoughts and opinions about my culture.

This past year and a half in fandom has been an incredible experience. I know that I am not alone in this. So many diaspora I have spoken to just in the last week have expressed similar sentiments about the place MDZS holds in their lives. It is a precious thing to us, both because we love the story itself, and because it represents a lifeline to a heritage that’s never felt fully ours to grasp.

It’s wonderful to feel like we are able to welcome our friends into our home and show them all these things that have been so formative to our identities, and to be received with such enthusiasm and interest. Introducing this to non-Chinese friends and fans has also been an opportunity to bridge gaps and be humanized in a way that has been especially important in a year where yellow peril fear mongering has been at an all-time high.  

History

However, MDZS’ rise in popularity among non-Chinese audiences has also come with certain difficulties. It is natural to want to take a story you love and make it your own: that’s what transformative fandom is all about. It is also natural that misunderstandings and unintentional missteps might happen when you aren’t familiar with the ins and outs of the culture and political history of the story in question. This is understandable and forgivable—perfection is impossible, even for ourselves.

We hope for consideration and respect when we give our knowledge freely and when we raise the issue of our own discomfort with certain statements or actions regarding our culture. Please remember that what is an isolated incident to you might be a pattern of growing microaggressions to us. In non-Asian spaces, Asian diaspora are often lumped together under one umbrella. In the west, a lot of Chinese diaspora attach themselves to Korean and Japanese media in order to feel some semblance of connection to a media which approximates our cultures because there are cultural similarities. This is the first time we've collectively found community around something that is actually ours, so the specificities matter.

There is a bitterness about being Asian diaspora and a misery in having to put up a united front about racial issues. Enmity towards one group becomes a danger to all of us, all while our own conflicted histories with one another continue to pass trauma down through the generations. Many of us don’t even watch anime in front of our grandparents because of that lingering cultural antipathy. When the distinctions between our cultures are muddled, it feels once again like that very fraught history is flattened and forgotten.

Without the lived experience of it, it’s hard to understand how pervasive the contradictory web of anti-Asian and, more specifically, anti-Chinese racial aggressions are and how insidious its effects are. The conflation of China the political entity (as perceived and presented by the US and Europe) with its people, culture, and diaspora results in an exhausting litany of criticism levied like a bludgeon, often by people who don’t understand the complicated nature of a situation against those of us who do.

There is often a frankly stunning lack of self-awareness re: cultural biases and blind spots when it comes to discussions of MDZS, particularly moral ones. There are countless righteous claims and hot takes on certain aspects of the story, its author, and the characters that are so clearly rooted in a Euroamerican political and moral framework that does not reflect Chinese cultural realities and experiences. Some of these takes have become so widespread they are essentially accepted as fanon.

This is a pattern of behavior within the fandom. It is not limited to any specific group, nor does it even exclude ourselves—we are, after all, not a monolith, and we should not be placed on pedestals to have our differing opinions weaponized against one another in fandom squabbles. We are not flawless in our own understandings and approaches, and we would appreciate it if others would remember this before using any of us as ultimate authorities to settle a personal score.

It is difficult not to be disheartened when enthusiastic interest crosses the line into entitled demand and when transformative work crosses into erasure, especially when the reactions to our raised concerns have so frequently been dismissive and hostile. The overwhelming cultural and emotional labor we bring to the table is often taken advantage of and then criticized in bad faith. We are bombarded with racist aggressions, micro and macro, and then met with ridicule and annoyance when we push back. Worse, we sometimes face accusations of hostility that force us to apologize, back down, and let the matter go.

When we bring up our issues, it usually seems to come with the expectation that there are other issues that should be addressed before we can address ours. It feels like it’s never really the time to talk about Asian issues.

On the internet and in fandom spaces, Western-coded media, politics and perspectives are assumed to be general knowledge and experience that everyone knows and has. It feels like a double standard that we are expected to know the ins and outs of western politics and to engage on these terms, but most non-Chinese have not even the slightest grasp of the sort of politics that are at play within our communities. We end up feeling used for our specialized knowledge and cultural background and then dismissed when our opinions and problems are inconvenient.

As the culture represented in MDZS is not a culture that most non-Chinese fans are familiar with, we’d like to remind you that you do not get to decide which parts of it are or are not important. While sharing this space with Chinese diaspora who have a close connection to the work and the painful history that goes along with being diaspora, we ask that you be mindful of listening to our concerns.

Cultural erasure is tied to a lot of intense historical and generational trauma for us that maybe isn't immediately evident: the horrors of the Pacific theatre, the far-reaching consequences of colonization, racial tensions both among ourselves and with non-Chinese etc. These are not minor or simple things, and when we talk about our issues within fandom, this is often what underlies them. This is one of the first and only places many of us have been able to find community to discuss our unique issues without feeling as if we’re speaking out of turn.

With the HK protests, COVID, the anti-Chinese platforms of the US election etc., anti-Chinese sentiment has been at the forefront of the global news cycle for some time now, and it is with complete sincerity that we emphasize once again how important MDZS fandom has been as a haven for humanizing and valuing Chinese people through cultural exchange.

Experiencing racial aggression within that space stings, not just because it’s a space we love, but because it feels like we’ve been swimming in rapidly rising racial aggression for over a year at this point.

Feelings

This is a difficult topic to broach at the best of times, and these are not the best of times. Many of us have a wariness of rocking the boat instilled in us from our upbringings, and it is not uncommon for us to feel like we should be grateful that people want to engage with something of ours at all. When we do decide to speak up, we’ve learned that there is a not insignificant chance that we’ll be turned on and trampled over because what we’ve said is inconvenient or uncomfortable. When it is already so difficult to speak up, we end up second-guessing and gaslighting ourselves into wondering whether there really was a problem at all.

We’d like to be able to share what we know about our culture and have our knowledge and experience be taken seriously and treated with courtesy. This is a beautiful, rich world built with the history of our ancestors, one that we too are trying to connect with. When we find it in ourselves to speak up about it, we would appreciate being met with consideration instead of hostility.

We don't have the luxury of stepping away from our culture when we get tired of it. We don't get to put it down and walk away when it’s difficult. But if you're not Chinese or Chinese diaspora, you get to put this book down—we'd like to kindly request that you put it down gently because of how much it matters to all of us in this fandom, regardless of heritage.

What we are asking for is reflection and thoughtfulness as we continue to engage with this work and with one another, especially with regards to how Chinese issues are positioned. When we raise issues of our own discomfort, please take a moment to reflect before reacting defensively or trying to shut us down for spoiling the fun—don’t deprioritize our concerns, especially in a fandom for a piece of Chinese media. We promise most of us are not trying to start shit for the sake of a fight. Most of the time, all we want is acknowledgement and a genuine attempt at understanding.

Our hope with this statement is to encourage more openness and understanding between diaspora and non-Chinese fans while we navigate this place that we’re sharing. Please remember that for many of us, MDZS is far more intense than a typical fandom experience. Remember that the knowledge we have and research we do is freely and happily given, and that it costs us both materially and emotionally. Please don’t take that for granted. Remember too that sometimes the reason for our discomfort may not be immediately evident to you: what seems culturally neutral and harmless might touch upon specific loaded issues for us. We ask for patience, and we ask for sincerity as we try to communicate with one another.

We are writing this because there’s a collective sense of imposed silence—that every time the newest round of discourse crops up, we often feel as if we’re walking away having created no meaningful change, and nursing new wounds that we’ll never get to address. But without speaking up about it, this is a cycle that will keep repeating.

This is not meant to shame or guilt the fandom into throwing themselves at our feet, either to thank us or beg for forgiveness—far from that. We’re just your friends and your fellow fans. We are happy to have you here, and we’re happy to create and share and play together. We just ask to be respected and heard.

Thank you. Thank you for listening. Several of us will be stepping back from twitter for a while. We’ll see you when we get back. ❤️

* A final addendum: here are two articles with solid practical advice on writing stories regarding a culture other than your own.

Cultural Appropriation for the Worried Writer: Some Practical Advice

Cultural Appropriation: Some More Practical Advice

The thread on twitter is linked in the source of this post. Thanks everyone.

#mdzs #mdzs meta #the untamed #the untamed meta #cql #asian diaspora #chinese diaspora #race #racism #mine #mymeta #once again my tag failing me because this is a collaborative work #but! for the sake of organization #statistically average #cultural appropriation #cultural erasure #what else do i tag this im so wired