#there more that you can read into it with it being jim specifically who refuses to kill archie and not the other way round | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

anthosvtr · 8 months

Text

Série Noire or the true colors of an actor

During my year at the university, I took the habit of watching a movie every time I could. And upon this new passion, I decided to start following people with similar interests on social media. This is how I stumbled upon the movie Série Noire and most precisely the actor Patrick Deweare. I discovered the actor via a photo that someone posted. I could not explain why but the looks of the actor in this exact photo stuck with me and without knowing further information about the movie, I decided to watch it.

The actual photo I stumbled upon that day

Although I jumped into this movie with no information, for the sake of the blog, I am going to contextualize the movie. Série Noire is a movie made by Alain Corneau in 1979. The story is adapted from a novel written by Jim Thompson which was translated into French by the director himself with the personal help of famous writer Georges Perec. Corneau chose to adapt the novel after wanting to take a turn in his filmography. For Série Noire, Corneau specifically wanted Patrick Deweare to play the main character. To the point that he said that he wouldn’t pursue the project if the actor refused to take the role. Upon reading the script, Patrick Deweare agreed immediately to join Corneau in this movie. This character was exactly the kind of role that Dewaere wanted to play, indeed at the time he felt like he was always behind in his acting career. He had most of his famous actor friends (like Gerard Depardieu) taking on the main role in most of the big movies while he was stuck on the same kind of second role.

Série Noire poster aside from the novel it is from. The poster took its design from the Gallimard "Série Noire" collection at that time.

Serie Noire tells the story of a failing door-to-door commercial whose relationship with his wife is also reaching a dead end. One day, as he is prospecting in his district, he stubble upon a vicious old woman who wants to buy him one of the dressing gowns he is selling. But the thing is that the woman wants to pay him, by giving him her young niece's body. Franck disgusted by this technique doesn’t touch her and goes away. But from this day on he fell for her. To distract himself from his chaotic life and find a way to save her, he starts a life of lies, robbery, and murder. The movie follows him as he rushes his life into an infernal spiral.

One scene stuck with me during the watching of this movie. This scene is the one in which Mona tries to join Franck at his work several days after they killed her aunt and got her out of her condition. The scene where they are in a deserted industrial place in the suburbs shows the two characters in all their despair. By trying to escape their conditions, they got themselves into a worse situation. Franck knows that since meeting Mona he spiraled into making the worst decision in a try to leave his bleak life and suburb. The desperation of his character can be seen in this scene as he rushes his head into his car multiple times. This scene, which was improvised at the time by Patrick Deweare shows how trapped the character feels. How desperate he is. What makes the scene even more striking is the fact that it was improvised, even more, so when we know the actor's life at the time. He was going through a lot of things such as break up, drugs, and debts and had the reputation of being an « écorché vif ». Which would later become even more real following his suicide in 1984. Deweare also had the reputation of being someone who had difficulties in leaving his roles on set. He lived his roles to the fullest which sometimes created even more conflict in his intimate life. After filming one of the murder scenes Deweare even thought he had killed someone as it was confessed by some of his friends who saw him that day, "But do you realize that today I killed someone? It is not anything to kill someone“. So this scene confirms Franck Poupart's despair but also feels like an implied way to show Deweare's true hopelessness. That's what makes it striking, that’s what makes it feel even more raw.

youtube

The extract in question

Out of the aspect of following the downfall of a character, Série Noire is a movie that also works as an implied social critic of that time. By watching the movie we get how the environment in which the characters evolve is one of the aspects that makes them this tormented. The grayness of the suburbs, the poverty, and the loveless marriage are what pushes Franck to a point of no return. He convinces himself that Mona could be his way to escape, even though deep down he knows his life is hopeless. It pushes him to a point that he even considers the most absurd way of getting out of this bleak life, with scenarios of murders and robbery. This absurdity is something that I searched for in several movies after Série Noire and that I only found again by watching Buffet Froid, a movie made the same year by Bertrand Blier. Both movies expose stupid situations which the characters get into because of the cruelty of society. Both movies evolve in cold and deserted scenery (empty subway, sad deserted industrial zones, cold and bare apartments…) which are only furnished by the sorrowfulness of the characters. In Série Noire just like in Buffet Froid, murder is never here in a gratuitous way, it serves a message, it denounces something. The madness in which poverty and dehumanization can put someone through. Murder is a response to the condition in which the characters live.

Exemple of empty cold scenery setting that both movies shows. Série Noire by Alain Corneau, 1979 (right), Buffet Froid by Bertrand Blier, 1979 (left)

Out of the social critics that the story holds, the filming of this movie could today also serve as a critic of filming conditions. Indeed, this movie was filmed in only six weeks and was described by everyone on the project as a very laborious filming. There is the fact that Deweare was mostly under the substance and was only lucid during the scene shooting. But also overall Marie Trintignant resumed her experiences as the following "I have the impression that we all threw ourselves into the scenes, into the elements, like animals … It was a violent film. Everything was violent!“. Moreover, the actress then aged 16 forever kept after effects of this filming because of the nude scene she had to take part in. She developed trouble with nudity following this shooting. So, with the recent discussions around the film industry, we can wonder if this movie could have been released in today’s setting.

Personally, even though I devoured Patrick Deweare's filmography following this watching. I didn’t find a more striking movie on it. I adored "Mauvais Fils", and I loved "La meilleure façon de marcher" but never has my mind been blocked as much as in this movie. Série Noire beyond being a brilliant movie, really showed all the talent and character of Patrick Deweare person. So much that his performance haunts you even after the end of the movie. Leaving you wondering if you faced a character during these last hours or the real desperation of a man. 5500 characters without space, 15/10/2023.

3 notes · View notes

docholligay · 2 years

Text

The Furies of Calderon

Why they wanted me to read it: It’s the start of a series with lots of fun political intrigue and creative use of elemental powers.

I will give you the elemental powers bit! I will give it to you all day long, it is a very neat magic system, and considering that apparently Butcher wrote it after being given the prompt “lost roman legion” and “pokemon” I think developing pokemon into a fury-based magic system was very cool indeed. Loved it. Lived for it.

The political intrigue...I’ll have to take your word for it. In this first book, at least, it feels like a very stock “traitor in the kingdom” type story.

As always, submitter, if you have specific questions, send them to me!

Sadly, the book very much did not work for me.

I really liked Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files, to a point, about, oh, book six or seven? Anyway, what I loved about it was the idea of wizard powers existing and being real but also Harry has to pay fucking rent and buy milk. I like that, as an idea. I have no idea if I would still like it today I read them back in college when I wanted something to read that was stupidish and I have no idea if they would hold up even as popcorn reads. I refuse to sully the memory by rereading.

ANYWAY, so this is by the same guy and Oy and also Gevalt.

My friend called this sort of book a “transit book” which is a book you can read on the bus because you can pick it up and put it down within ten minutes, no big deal. And that feels very fair to me. It’s not even HORRIBLE or anything, mostly. it’s just pretty shallow. Every time I picked it up, I was like, “sure, why not, this may as well happen” and also like, ‘Oh hey quick question, I’m confused: Is Kord evil? Could you maybe like, clarify that situation? Seems unclear.” This was basically not YA because Butcher wanted to heavily imply rape as a torture tool. It certainly is not YA because of any complexity of character* or challenging prose.

What I liked:

We don’t overcomplicate the magic system! Butcher is smart enough to MOSTLY shut up about it. “A fury bonds with them when they’re about fifteen, they have some sort of elemental power that appears vaguely like an animal, moving on” BLESS YOU SIR. And because we don’t overcomplicate it and we don’t go too far into it, there was no point at which I was like, ‘Okay this beggars belief” I was there the whole time. Loved the limits placed on it even if a few of them confused me. Loved that some of them have effects on human feelings, and emotions, and reading people, and I thought it was 98% really really well carried out, which is more than a lot of magic in ficiton.

The Marat in general. I love the idea of the different tribes, and the way that a whelp can go between the tribes when they mature, and also the idea of calling someone who hasn’t yet become an adult a whelp because who the actual fuck cares about the difference between the sexes until they’re adults? I think it steers a LITTLE to the “if i make them blonde, it’s not savage stereotyping” which I think probably works with most people to be frank, I was just a little like “hm” and not even in a “I SAW JIM BUTCHER AT THE DEVIL’S SACRAMENT” just more “rein this in a touch, just a touch” because mostly I think they’re a really interesting people but some of the ‘savagery” really needs to be dialed back when you have so many other stereotypes at play. Again, and, oh my god do I need you to read this, this is not me going, “THIS IS BAD BC STEREOTYPE CANCEL THIS BOOK” this me going, “this could have been done more thoughtfully rather than slapping blonde hair on them so everyone knows they’re white and figuring that’ll do it” Anyway, that out of the way I thought the Marat were a genuinely interesting people with some good fucking sense once you trim a little bit of the fat. A favored part of the book.

The combat writing is REALLY good. The fight writing is REALLY good. And that’s not easy! I know that for a fact! i was very impressed by the quality of particularly the swordfighting writing.

I liked the very end where Tavi was off gathering the sheep he promised. Showed actual and real character.

What DIDN’T work for me:

We have a very Stephen King level “strong female character” thing going on. This doesn’t at all remotely surprise me given that I have in fact read The Dresden Files and even back in the day, that’s a criticism I would have given TDF. I KNOW he wants to write strong female characters, I GET that from him, and i feel for him, but whatever he thinks he’s doing, he ain’t doing it. I wanted to like Amara so much more than I did, but she seemed like such a slapped on bundle of ideas and projections than she did a character. I may not care much for Tavi’s whole ‘magical underdog’ thing, but he feels like a fully realized human character to me in a way Amara doesn’t. Amara is Clever and Sensual and Strong and Brave but to me it just never comes together into making her a human. It’s, and this is with all the female characters, very These Woman Are Strong and Smart But Not So Strong and Smart That They Don’t Need a Man.

WOOF DO I HATE THE AMARA AND BERNARD THING HOLY FUCK I DID NOT SEE IT COMING. She’s a nubile young, what, early twentysomething? Since she’s supposedly graduating from what appears to be a college type training program? And he’s in his forties, given the ages of what his kids would be, etc? Not a great look, Jim! Not a great look. Did not love. Did not want.

I was so disappointed with the way that Tavi got to school Kitai, school a whole people who have lived among this danger and yet apparently not a single one of them has had the fire thought or idea. It’s that “magical underdog” thing I was talking about that I am just not into at all and am pretty much over. I called that whole “You’re a GIRL” thing way before it happened.

Of course he’s going to marry Kitai and of course her father is fine with this even though Tavi is a fucking ALERAN and whatever whatever kill me just let a man and a woman interact please.

The Kord thing is SO SO HEAVYHANDED. I already hate the guy, you can let it go. You don’t need to go into all this very weird and fucked up shit to make me hate him and be fine with him dying. Kord is the big bad of this book. He’s very mustache twirling. I’m annoyed that sexual violence has to be such a part of this, because it didn’t need to be. I didn’t need this character to be like this.

I find the whole Fade thing very clunky and weird. My opposition isn’t that I saw it coming--the way is laid for us to figure out long before the reveal--but that when I sit and think of it I can’t think of a good reason for it and also SERIOUSLY, no one has noticed in the what, fifteen or more years? That fade has been there? Do we believe Isana and Bernard really lack that kind of observation, not to know who he is, but to know that he’s not so simple as everyone thinks? In a better book, I might give this a handwavey pass, but when sins pile up they make a wall, you know.

Anyway by the time we got to the end I was exhausted with this fucking neverending battle, and it didn’t matter how good the combat writing was, it was pages and pages and pages of this battle with a forgone conclusion and I was so much just PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET THIS BOOK END.

In all, I found this book...boring. I found it to be a very by the numbers fantasy book with an unlikely hero. King in trouble from a traitor within. Fighting the savage people. Like, this is all fine if you are a person who likes fantasy as a genre, and that is NOT me trashing people who like fantasy as a genre, that’s me making an observation. I like horror, as a genre. A very by the numbers haunted house/inscribed latin/demons in the cellar/electricity going out book is great for me. Love it. But if someone doesn’t love horror, they’re bored, and I get it. I don’t dislike fantasy but I also don’t actively like it, so it has to really do something as a narrative for me. I don’t feel this does.

*Odiana is the closest I’ll give to having a character be complex. I did like her, and I will give Butcher the credit of having her be a horrible little person who is capable of sometimes doing a good thing simply so she won’t be in bondage to another. Love it. If she were a little smarter I’d say she has Michiru vibes. I think she might have been my favorite character. “I wasn’t hurting him. I was killing him. There’s a difference. It wasn’t anything personal.” Amazing.

#doc reads #but hey you got like 1400 words out of it.

8 notes · View notes

trans-rights-adam-jensen · 1 year

Text

I read another James Swallow DX novel because 2 and 1/2 people told me to

*Inhales*

Sidenote: I refer to Janus as a He/They because I want to and because literally in canon they refuse to acknowledge a gender. I do not think they care what pronouns you use. Also in at least one instance, Lebedev DOES refer to Janus as ‘them’.

Icarus effect notes:

-So far this reads the best of his DX work, if a little overly descriptive and redundant

-What is with Kelso and Ryan? (maybe it will be revealed later?) What does “diminished by your augs” mean??? Unattractive??? Why is that where the Senator went? Hello? EDIT OH HOLY SHIT KELSO AND RYAN'S RELATIONSHIP IS SO IMPORTANT AND GOOD AND HEARTBREAKING OH MY GOD.

-Still a bit of an awkward disconnect with gender stuff. Annoying to have Anna respond with a “I’m not like other girls” or “I’m not like other augs” reaction.

-“Strike Team Six” Oh ffs we GET IT Seal Team Six reference.

-Ben: I like violence. I like being a soldier. Also Ben: but not shooting innocents???

…Babe, those go hand in hand.

-The background stuff is pretty well written—but again, a little too many idioms/expressions. Nobody talks like that. It feels like the scene I wrote with the grunt from Paths who was trying to sound cool and his teammate had no idea what on earth he was saying.

-ok so ben’s whole deal is lack of identity. Got it.

-I do like that they’re both orphaned simultaneously.

-Jimmy is doing a pretty good job of capturing the manipulation of saxon; about how being alone makes you vulnerable.

-I don’t like Barrett as much as the next person, but can we not equate scarring with ugliness?

-Gunther likes Fanta???? Is this like known lore or did you just do that because you wanted to Jimmy? If the latter, legendary.

-Literally why is Ben questioning anything now? He never questioned Belltower. So it’s okay to do stuff if you understand it’s all about money? But then when morals are involved, that’s weird shit? Just feels odd.

-About Yelena:

…”Valley”, Jim? Really? “Breeches”, Mr. Swallow? Also I do not know what this scene achieves. Maybe I’m just Ace on Main. But ????

-The parts about Kelso are good. There’s actual feeling there? Saxon’s sections are like. Why do I care, again? Nothing around him is explained, nothing he comes up with is explained, shit just happens, and he sure is there. There’s no real vulnerability. Even his PTSD symptoms are framed as rage mode, never inconvenient.

Idk if this is a “Kelso is a woman and ergo more irrational” thing—and ironically, if so: can you write your men more like that??? Tired of reading about people with half a feeling 600 feet away under a camouflage blanket. SMFH.

-“What he was doing now went against every moral code Saxon believed in” He has a moral code??? More than one???

-Completely unrelated to the story itself: I developed a headcanon voice for Lebedev immediately. It’s something like a gentler, warmer version of Erik Dellums’ Nazir from Skyrim.

-Not specific to Mr. Swallow but take a shot every time somebody uses the terms “psychosis” “sociopath” “psychopath” etc., for anything they find amoral. Leave neurodivergent people out of your judgement, thanks.

-“the part of Anna that was still an officer of the law wanted to see them dragged screaming into the light” FFS JAMES LET THE COP SHIT GO

-The way Janus is cast to have almost… premonitions? definitely makes me think they are an AI. I’m sticking with my “older version of Eliza gone rogue” theory, personally. This also explains their obsession with using psych profiles to understand people.

-I do not buy Ben replacing his legs so easily, but I’ll ignore it because I’m too exhausted to care, tbh.

-Kelso catching Ben tho, I’m here for that.

-Yelena’s preference for not speaking? Ok, we support that in this household. Go girl give us nothing <3 (I don’t care for her as a character tho, but we’re not supposed to)

-There’s a conversation, at least, happening here about augs. One being Janus citing them as a way to free humanity from the influence of the Illuminati, the other being the Tyrants’ genuine view that their augs make them superior humans. What I don’t hear, and what HBomberguy mentioned in his HR video essay, is a discussion about augs and a greater conversation about disability. I liked the talk at the beginning about Kelso saying employers can’t discriminate against naturals in hiring, but how that’s so obviously untrue. How workplaces might pressure their employees into getting augs. There’s a lot there, and I feel like it should get some more attention.

And I think they were supposed to, especially with how at the end, the last zone Adam traverses through are full of workers who could not do the work they did without being augmented. Just, to an extent, like him.

-“I have done questionable things, it’s disturbing.” “I’m trying to make amends. I don’t know if I can do any more.” And then being severely upset, “this is the last time”,,, hits me a little in the guts. It’s interesting to know that Janus has things they won’t do, most of all that they consider manipulation of cops a violation of some kind. I have two arrows right now on my Janus Pepe Silvia board and one of them is pointed HARD at “AI with programmed or learned morality and difficulty understanding prioritization, sociopolitical strife, and emotional nuance; Triply so if he is a copy of an Eliza variant horrified by what his masters had him do” and the other is “he just like me FR Neurodivergent as HELL and takes severe psychic damage from specific types of actions” Both of them have melted me, Janus is officially granted a rent-free living space in my brain.

-The boat scene cutting to Namir and it just turns into “Presidential Alert: The girls are fightingggggg”

-The burning of Icarus is definitely symbolic and shit but I literally? Don't care and I'm not going to decide what it means to me in context. I don't think the games are going to do what I want with their story, so I will pretend I do not see it.

-Ah yes the trope of kissing someone to save them. Fair enough, no disrespect, well executed and well-foreshadowed.

I’m done. I’m free of Swallow. Now I can finish my OWN damn writing.

#deus ex #deus ex icarus effect #i'm daring to tag this with his name #GIRL. THIS WAS TOO LONG #dxhr #review #helix reads #jimothy birdman #janus #anna kelso #ben saxon

0 notes

afeelgoodblog · 2 years

Text

Best News of Last Week

Edition #021 - ️‍💉 - Hope you had a great weekend. Let's read some positive news :)

1. With nearly 5 million children getting COVID vaccines, no safety problems have been seen, CDC director says

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Director Dr. Rochelle Walensky says real-world monitoring finds vaccines are safe for young children.

Crucially, the CDC hasn't identified any concerns with the temporary heart inflammation known as myocarditis, a potential side effect of mRNA vaccines seen in rare circumstances in teenagers and young adults.

2. Spain officially Recognizes Animal Sentience Within Civil Code, Clarifying Animals Are Not “Things”

On April 18, 2021, the Spanish Parliament approved consideration of a bill that would amend the country’s Civil Code to recognize animals are “living beings endowed with sentience” rather than “things,” specifically “moveable property.” This approval is the first step toward updating animals’ legal status in the Spanish Civil Code.

This proposal was officially approved in December 2021 with widespread support.

3. Michael Sheen becomes a 'not-for-profit actor' so he can fund charity work

Hollywood actor Michael Sheen has revealed how he sold his houses and gave the proceeds to charity as he declared himself to be a “not-for-profit” actor.

The Welsh actor and activist, 52, who handed back his OBE in 2020 so he could criticize the monarchy without seeming a “hypocrite”, believed organizing the 2019 Homeless World Cup in Cardiff was a turning point for him.

When funding for the £2million project fell through at the last moment, Sheen sold his own houses to bankroll it.

4. Yale researchers develop mRNA-based lyme disease vaccine

Yale researchers have developed an mRNA vaccine that targets the antigens found in tick saliva in order to alert individuals to tick bites as well as prevent the tick from feeding correctly, thereby reducing its ability to transmit pathogens.

According to Matias dos Santos, when the tick bites an animal, it releases salivary proteins through the open wound. The mRNA vaccines are designed so that the immune system recognizes these proteins, sees them as an antigen and triggers a strong immune response at the site of the bite.

5. Claudette Colvin's juvenile record has been expunged, 66 years after she was arrested for refusing to give her bus seat to a White person

The juvenile court records of Claudette Colvin, a civil rights pioneer who refused in 1955 to give up her seat to a White person on an Alabama bus, have been sealed, destroyed and expunged following a judge's ruling.

Colvin, now 82, was arrested when she was 15 for refusing to give up her seat to a White person on a bus in Montgomery. The incident came nine months before Rosa Parks' far more famous arrest for a similar act of civil disobedience in the Jim Crow era.

6. 'It Saved My Life': Depression Treatment Is Turning Lives Around in Five Days

The remedy was a new type of repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation (rTMS) called "Stanford neuromodulation therapy." By adding imaging technology to the treatment and upping the dose of rTMS, scientists have developed an approach that’s more effective and works more than eight times faster than the current approved treatment.

'This study not only showed some of the best remission rates we've ever seen in depression, but also managed to do that in people who had already failed multiple other treatments. 'Shan Siddiqi, a Harvard psychiatrist

7. Germany: Mole digs out wedding ring thought lost for 25 years

One ring to rule the mole...

____

That's it for this week. Until next week,

You can follow me on twitter . Also, I have a newsletter :)

Subscribe here to receive a collection of wholesome news every week in your inbox :D

#best news of last week

330 notes · View notes

blueberrypossum · 3 years

Text

A Date Down Under (GN Reader x Leo)

OH MY GOSH IT’S BEEN FOREVER SINCE I’VE POSTED!!

If you guys are wondering where I’ve been I write more on A03 with two original fanfics in the making! But, my tumblr account deserves some love too! This fanfic has been siting in my file for a long while and I originally wanted to post it when I was deep in the ROTTMNT fandom (still love it and miss it man). So, I decided to take out my oc in it and make it a reader fanfic so everyone can enjoy! @bootyyy-shaker9000 I know how much you love Leo so have some of the wonderful boy in blue!!

When Leo asked you if you wanted to celebrate your Friend Anniversary in the Lost City, you couldn’t refuse.

The feelings for the turtle though were getting tougher and tougher to maintain. Leo was always the flirt, and you tried to not let him play with your heartstrings, but now a blush would creep around your face whenever he would fire a one-liner or when he would push the physical contact to the extreme.

You weren't used to so much affection, nor letting the addiction of being touched take over you like a drug.

But you have seen the way Leo fake flirts with others, and just believed that he was just doing the same thing to you, because you were just friends, right?

You were brushing your comb through your hair when your phone started to vibrate on your desk. You brought it up to your ear as you got comfortable in your seat.

“Hello?”

“Knock knock.”

“Who’s there?”

There were a few knocks on your bedroom window.

“Me.”

You giggled and walked over to the window and pulled back the blinds to see the one and only Leonardo Hamato, a sly grin on his face as he hung up on the phone. You placed your phone into your pocket and unlocked the window to reveal yourself to him.

The blue bandana turtle looked a little taken aback as he took in the sight of his best friend. With the season turning colder, you wore something that suited the chilly wind yet sunny season, the cloth clinging to you gently. What caught him off guard the most was the dazzling smile you presented to him, the pure excitement of seeing him causing his bandana to feel tight around his head.

Leo almost lost his balance as he hopped into your room, sweat growing on him as he tried to find anything else to look at other than you.

“Hey, how's your fever?” He asked, his voice drowned with no confidence, his heart still pounding as he finally glanced over.

You were picking up your bag and you frowned at the question.

“Hum? What fever?”

“Oh, yeah, you just look hot to me,” he replied, pressing a confident smile on his lips as he hoped that you didn’t catch him almost slipping up.

Your cheeks went pink and you playfully slapped his arm.

“Oh hush up and let’s go, we’re burning daylight.”

“That’s not the only thing that’s burning.”

“Oh my gosh, get going, Red Kamon.”

The tall turtle chuckled and pulled out his sword, swiping it around the room until a portal was created. Leo moved to the side and bowed his head towards you.

“After you,” he purred and you rolled your eyes at him and took a step into the portal and was led right at the center of the Hidden City. The colorful and mysterious city was weird to say the least, nothing but weird creations and magic lingered in the air as yokai walked past you. Leo stepped through the portal and was at your side as you both walked over to the city map.

Leo used your shoulder as a rest while you gazed over at the map.

“Where do you want to go, shorty?” He asked as your eyes scanned the different areas and pointed towards the Witch Town.

Your mind seemed clouded from the close contact and you pointed to the spa.

“What about here? Sounds interesting.”

“Can’t do. My idiot and less attractive twin got us turtles banned there,” Leo commented and soon his arm snaked around your neck and was completely over your shoulders, bringing you close enough that you could feel his breath over your cheek.

“What about here?”

“Nope. They banned me there.”

“How did you get banned from a spa?”

“My dashing good looks were just too much for them.”

You let out a gust of air and knew the real reason, Donnie told you the whole funny scenario of Leo needing hair to get into the spa, totally backfired and threw him in jail.

“What places are you not banned from, blue?” You asked, turning over to him with your arms crossed.

He gave you his signature smile and leaned down till you were face to face, his beak just a few inches from your nose.

“Here, just those two places. Your heart? Never.”

“Then what about the Pirate Bazaar?” You mumbled, your heart almost leaping out of your chest as Leo’s eyes widened with excitement.

“Ohhh, I’ve been there! But only for a little bit, let’s go!” He squealed and took your hand and led you through the crowd of animals and other subjects of yokai. His three-fingered hand was cold against your warm one, and you knew Leo and his brothers like closeness to you and April since you were the only warm-blooded creatures; Splinter was too but hugs were hard to get from him. Still, the hand holding made others look over and gush at you two, as if you were a couple.

If only.

He didn’t let go as he took you into lesser crowds, bringing you closer till your arms were touching. You then realized he wasn’t wearing an outfit, but then remembered most of the yokai’s were clothesless as well. His muscles bounced as he walked and you had to do everything to not wrap your fingers around the growing muscle.

STOP STOP STOP THINKING LIKE THIS! HE DOESN’T LIKE YOU LIKE THAT!

His thumb started to brush against yours as he turned to you and you swore you saw a red dash against his cheeks, and it wasn’t his stripes.

“You’ve been friends with me for a whole year! Please, do tell how great it must’ve been to be called my best friend,” he said slyly, wiggling his non-existent eyebrows, causing you to laugh. The joyous melody made Leo weak in the knees.

“You mean, me always having to save your shell from dangerous bad guys, having to endure all your jokes, and then the constant-CONSTANT- marathons of Jipiter Jim and Lou Jitsu to the point all I could do was speak quotes from the movies.”

“Oh yeah, may I remind you that you would text me excited about every movie date? Didn’t someone make their signature hot chocolate just for me when I showed this specific someone their now favorite movie? Ring any bells?” He replied back.

“Pffts, you know what? Your one-liners stink.”

The sword yielding turtle let out a gasp and grasped where his heart would be over his plaston as if he had been shot as he looked down at you.

“My one-liners stink like Raph’s victory stink!”

You laughed and took back his hand and Leo felt his heart flew as your warm hand was gripping onto his cold one. You took the lead and finally made it to the entrance of the pirate grounds. There were booths of stuff that were related to the pirate theme of the area and some were just random selections of things to sell. The smell of seafood and other fried foods drifted into your nose and you led Leo to the entrance.

After getting Lost City Cash at a money machine, you both took a selfie at the front entrance, Leo bringing you close and him having to lean down due to your height.

There was a goblin looking woman in the booth at the entrance and the woman took your money and gave each of you a bracelet to get on rides and such.

“For an extra 20 dollars, you can have a custom pirate outfit that you can switch on and off with ease,” she explained and you and Leo shared the same look, giving the worker a simple nod. She pointed to where single bathrooms were after she got the money.

“Last one there is a rotten turtle egg!”You challenged out as you raced over to the bathroom stalls, the mutant turtle schoffing and charging after you.

With a little bit of magic, you were able to think up your very own pirate outfit with a second band around your wrist so that you could switch it off and on with ease. Leo picked the same outfit he had when he first came to the pirate utopia with Hueso, but didn’t pick an eyepatch this time since he didn’t want to trip in front of you.

You quickly raced out of the changing room after saying thank you to the worker who helped you and looked around, your eyes trying to find the mutant turtle in the crowd. You spotted the long strands of his bandana and felt yourself shudder at how good he looked in a pirate outfit, how the white shirt clung to him and how he had his sword hung against his side instead of over his back. You swallowed the saliva that was swimming in your mouth and quickly dashed over to him, clearing your throat before you spoke in the worst pirate accent.

“My, my, isn’t ye the best booty I’ve ever seen in these vast oceans!”

The red slider turtle quickly turned around but you moved out in front of him.

“Aye, wanna shiver me timbers?” You laughed, throwing another one-liner at him and he turned, his eyes going wide as he almost told you that if you were a pirate, you would be the most beautiful treasure that no man or woman could handle or capture. If you were a pirate he could definitely walk the plank.

“Those jokes are so lame, that they need a peg leg,” he replied, almost hating himself fully for using one of Huesos jokes instead of his own. But you flashed him a smile anyway and motioned him to follow as you made your way through the crowd.

The teenage turtle felt his heart leap after you and gave chase as you made it to the center of the pirate theme park.

Once in the middle, you pulled out the map the woman at the booth gave you and started to read over the activities that you could do.

Leo leaned down close, still a little out of breath, but his confidence had awoken him as he said: “Ya certainly put a shiver in my timber!” he said in a deep pirate accent. You booped his beak away from your face and he blew a raspberry on the index finger.

“So, there is a treasure adventure we can go on, a booth section of stuff to buy, a pirate show of a reenactment of pirate history-Oh! They have timed dances throughout the area! And you can join in!”

“Are you going to join in?”

“Maybe. I could finally dance with someone who doesn’t only do fortnite dances and dabs.”

“Hey, my moves are almost like a work of a pirate ship.”

“Old and needs remodeling?”

“What?! No! Unique and cool.”

You rolled your eyes and wrapped your arm around Leo’s and led him to the show since it was the closest.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You stood on the pier as ships and flying creatures dashed by, the glowing lights of the underworld turning into a creamy orange to signify that the day was coming to an end. You leaned your arms over the railing as you scrolled through the photos that had been taken throughout the day. You couldn’t help but smile at seeing your goofy pictures and would scroll past the ones you took specifically of Leo without him knowing.

Speaking of the turtle, he leaned in close to your shoulder as he noticed that your attention was not on him.

“Whatcha lookin at?” He asked, his head slowly getting closer. You felt your body grow warm and quickly turned your phone.

“Bruh,” you giggled and he gave a quiet chuckle and tried to snatch the phone.

“If you’re looking at something, then as your best friend I have a right to see.”

“Fine, hang on.”

You quickly saved the single photos of him into a secret file and moved the phone between them, his head still on your shoulder as he scrolled through the photos, both of you laughing at the one where you fought the pirates and failed.

“What about you? I know you took photos of today for your social,” you commented as you placed your phone into your bag.

Leo took out his phone and hid it out of sight since his home screen was a picture of them together at an abandoned skatepark and he had you in a piggyback ride and he just had to capture the moment. He handed his phone without thinking and started to go through your bag due to boredom.

You scrolled through the photos until you stopped at a specific one. You didn’t remember him telling you to pose for this photo; it was when you had stopped to eat dinner and you happened to watch one of the kids getting a fake pirate hook from a vendor. Your head was supported by your hand as a breeze caused your hair to ripple around your face in an alluring photo. A blush rushes to your face as if you had been hit and soon you started to scroll faster and found more photos of just you; of you waiting in line, in your pirate outfit, several were taken of you during the pirate treasure hunting, when you grabbed a candle from one of the booths in excitement, he even got a cliche photo of you holding his hand while you led him through the crowd.

You felt your heart stop in your ribcage and looked over at the ninja turtle, who was still looking through your bag as if he was hunting for treasure. You didn’t want to snoop, but you couldn’t help but exit out of his camera roll and looked through his folders on the right side; there was a folder for comic books, shopping, epic moments, even a puns list, then found it at the bottom. It was labeled with a first letter of your name and a heart, and with twitching fingers, you opened it. It wasn’t many photos but enough to where you almost dropped his phone into the water below. There were pictures of you whenever you both hung out, and some he probably got from your social.

Holy Hot Soup, he liked you.

“Okay, now you really look like you have a fever,” Leo commented as he reached for his phone, causing you to swallow and quickly turned off the device and handed it back to him.

“But don’t worry, Doctor Neon Leon will help you get all better,” he said in a baby voice and wrapped his arm around you and brought you close.

“Maybe you need some Vitamin ME,” he whispered and you laughed at yet another ridiculous one-liner made by him. He grinned at the sight of you laughing and rested himself against your side, taking in your scent and warmth.

“Maybe I do, where do I get my prescription Aka Kamon?” You asked slyly, a shit eating grin on your face as Leo blushed. Whenever you could, you would fire back a one-liner and was overjoyed to see him be the one to get flustered and a stuttering mess.

“ Oh, um, well,” he stuttered and mentally kicked himself as he couldn’t think of something to say back and then a question he always wanted an answer to.

“Are you ever going to tell me what those words mean?” He asked.

“Are you ever going to open a book and find out for yourself.”

“Ha! Jokes on you, I don’t know how to read. And also, there are phones now, boomers.”

“Then look it up.”

“JuSt GiVe Me A hInT.”

You released a sigh and gave him a look while he returned to you his huge puppy dog eyes look and placed his hands together as his bottom lip wobbled as if he was trying to get out of trouble.

“Finnnne, but only because it’s our best friend’s day.”

You poked the red stripe against his face and then pointed upward, a smirk growing on your face as he gave a confused one.

“WHAT KIND OF HINT IS THAT??”

“A pretty good one in my opinion.”

The red slider turtle let out a large groan as he crossed his arms, his face growing tight as he tried to think of what the hint meant.

“Are you just calling me stripes but in Japanese?” He said with a groan.

“Leo you insult me, it would be kind of stupid to call you stripes in both English and Japanese.”

He mimicked your talking right as you finished and he received an eye roll as he continued on thinking.

So, it wasn’t the stripes, maybe the color? Or the shape?

“Man, this is hurting my brain, this best friend day sucks.” He said as he stuck his tongue out at you.

“Okay, okay. The two words are a color and a shape. Is that better?”

“Yes. Yes it is.”

You continued to watch as Leo tried to put the pieces together and you wished you could get this on video, but it would be too obvious, so instead you painted it into your mind.

“So, the color is totally red, but the shape I’m lost at. Why did you point at the sky? Is that a clue? Why did you make this so difficult?”

“Because I’m a difficult person.”

“I do like a challenge.”

“One more hint, it’s the shape of something in the sky.”

Leo looked up at the fake Lost City sky and squinted as the fake sun started to set and the moon would start to rise.

“Red Moon?”

“Close. It’s Red Crest.”

The blue bandana turtle searched the horizon for an answer for why you called him that as you looked away due to embarrassment.

“Why?” He simply asked as he looked over; he could always tell when you were nervous, your eyes would always dart around and your left foot would start to shake. You rose to a tallen stance though and looked over at his hands.

“I just find your marks...alluring. In Japanese culture, the red moon is respected due to its power. I just thought you deserved to have a nickname that represented you.”

Leo felt his face go completely red that it could put Raph’s mask to so much shame that it would go bland. All this time he thought you were just calling him something insulting in Japanese, but it was a nickname that you made up for him. Not like Raph’s, Donnie’s, Mikey’s or April’s, it was one you made up for him and only him.

“Stop looking at me before I throw you off this dock so I can live the rest of my life without this embarrassment,” you laughed nervously as your fingers combed through your hair and let out a shaky breath.

Leo started to get his little shakes as he let out a confused laugh.

“All this time I thought you were calling me a stupid turtle or somethin in Japanese, whoa oh boy was I wrong.”

You both looked away from each other and the atmosphere became heavy.

Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, I still don’t know, you thought, but then you felt his finger poke your elbow and looked over at him, and the soft expression on his face almost made you melt.

“But how can I stop looking at you?”

Your breathing immediately hitched.

“Are you blushing? It’s a good feeling to know that I do it.”

You could only cover your face as you leaned against the railing on your elbows and looked between your fingers at him. You hated being so flustered up, but with Leo dripping with confidence, it made you want to curl into a muttering mess.

Leo watched you with amusement and went to touch you, but then fell back. He remembered how he started the physical touch between you two, holding your hand, always leaning on you, every movie night you would be his cushion. But you two couldn’t kiss, couldn’t cudde too close, he couldn’t tell you he loved you more than just a best friend.

He hated how the day went by so fast and now he wanted to do what he has wanted to do for months. But he couldn’t work up the courage, he had a ton of one-liners to ask you out, to ask if you returned the feelings, even though he was mutant turtle that lived in the sewer and fought enemies that could destroy the whole world and wholly Ōdachi he can’t ask you to be a part of that life.

But, the way you would smile at him and how you always gave him credit for the growth into someone you wanted to be. How you saw something in him that he didn’t even see, and he wanted to keep being whatever you saw.

He just wanted you.

So, he worked up the courage, tried to make the sweat stop rolling down his body, and looked at person he had fallen for

“Y/N.”

You tensed up, you had never heard Leo sound so serious in his life.

“Yeah?”

“With this being.....I mean if I’m wrong. Would you consider this a date-date?” He spilled out, and he wanted to climb into his shell like Mikey and never come out. He let out a gust of air and didn’t look over at you, his fingers messing within each other. It was silent between you, the city life buzzing around them as yokai’s came and went. You wanted to scream out in joy and say yes a hundred times, but you also had to be careful, along with if Leo was being a bubbly mess, you wanted to take advantage of it as long as you could.

Spotting a red and blue flower with a bright yellow center growing on the side of the deck, you wrapped your fingers around it and pulled it from its roots. To Leo’s surprise, you pushed your way under his arm until it was back over your shoulders. The blush on his face was noticeable and with being against his chest you noticed his uneven breaths.

“I do. And I would like more of them, if you want to.” You answered and handed him the flower. He shakenly took the flower in his hand and his confidence came crashing back to him, knowing that the feeling was mutual. As quickly as you gave him the flower he leaned over and placed the flower over your ear. Your eyes widened with surprise and quickly averted them away, a nervous but sweet chuckle escaping your lips. But the Red-eared slider never averted his gaze away from you.

“I would like that too,” he answered back.

You both stood there for a while, your head curled into Leo’s chest as his own head rested on yours. You were used to being close, but this was different, this filled you up with knowing and it made the physical connection much more warmer and scarier. Little lights started to flicker around as the city started to get dark, even with no sun or moon. Leo brought you closer and buried his face into your hair, a long sigh escaping his lips in content, his mind slowing down for once and just taking in this moment.

But the moment went quicker than expected as a low yawn escaped your mouth and the red slider turtle remembered that it was getting late.

“Alright, sleepy head, I think it’s time to raise anchor and set sail for home,” he joked as he lifted himself off of you and then held out his hand. With a roll of your eyes, you gladly took it and let him lead you back to the entrance of the Pirate Bazaar. He could just use his sword, but he wanted to juice out every moment with you.

The hand hold was different in some way, you gripped his hand tighter and when he came to a stop you would use your other hand to lightly touch his biccup before continuing on.

You gave the booth teller their costume bracelets back and walked a few feet ahead before Leo pulled out his sword and created a portal.

He once again bowed his head as he moved to the side.

“After you.”

Through tired eyes she gave him a smirk as she was halfway through the portal.

“Thank you.”

He followed you through the portal and took the step onto your apartment’s fire escape, the flashing lights of New York City spilling over your side as you opened your bedroom window; throwing your bag inside before turning to Leo. You both turned to each other and then quickly averted eye-contact with each other.

“I had a lot of fun today, Leo. Thanks for being a good fri-” you stopped yourself since you didn’t know if you two were still just friends, or more.

He let out a laugh and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Yeah, chief, it was,” Leo said and then let out a groan at the terrible execution.

You knew that you had to make the first move now or else you both would accidentally place yourselves into the “friend zone”.

“Leo, can you bend down a little bit?”

“Why? Tired of being the only short one?”

“You can say that.”

He bent down till he was on your level, a smug smile on his lips. You let out your form of a chuckle as you curved your fingers under his chin. The teenage turtle instantly felt weak in the knees and thought that his legs would give out from under him and became a stuttering mess as you both made eye-contact.

“Um, haha, is it hot or did you know that, uhh,” he mumbled as you tilted his head to the side and placed a small kiss against his red stripe, instantly making his whole body, for once in his life, burning.

Your lips were soft against his skin and he stood there as you leaned away and climbed back into your room.

“Goodnight, Leo,”you mumbled, your hands shaking against the window.

“N-night.”

You closed the window and walked away while Leo stood there, his mind racing a hundred miles an hour. He got a kiss from you, from you. He never felt so much adrenaline rush through his body and all he wanted to do was go back in time so he could’ve moved his lips over.

He took a step towards the window and then took that step back. What should he do? What could he do? Were you both dating now? Or were you two at the very edge of the line of a relationship?

He wanted to call his brothers or April for advice, especially since she would slap some sense into him. His shakes were coming back.

He let out a grunt and rubbed his eyes as he tried to decide what to do. He looked back at the window and saw that you had turned on your lights. He walked up to the window and knocked.

You had just gotten out of the bathroom when you heard the light tap against your window and your heart started to race faster than it already was. You were already shaken up by having enough courage to kiss him but if that was him then what if he didn’t want the kiss?

The knock came again and you took a few deep breaths before you moved the curtain aside and there he was, his face all flustered up as he gave a small wave as she opened the window.

“Yes?” You questioned as you leaned your hands over the window seal. You hoped that the silky night of the sky hid your flustered face.

“I honestly didn’t think this far ahead,” he spilled out as he let out a nervous laugh as he leaned against the window.

You looked up at him and Leo blinked several times in wonderment at the startled expression that crossed your face. Leo took a deep breath and gave you his signature shit-eating grin.

“Knock knock.”

“Wow, you’re doing jokes in the same place now are ya?”

“Just do the joke.”

You giggled and fluttered your eyes mockingly at him.

“Can I who?”

“Who’s there?

“Can I?”

“Can I...Can I kiss you?”

Even though it was a terrible joke, you felt like you could throw up all of your guts for how fast your heart rate was. Kissing him on the cheek was a challenge but at least you didn’t have to worry about his lips against yours. Do turtles have lips? Or beaks?

The word yes slipped out before you had a second thought.

Before you knew it, Leo’s hands were slipping into your own, the tip of your fingers shaking but Leo reinsured you with a stroke of his thumb You looked up at him and was taken aback at how handsome he was, how his stripes glowed in the moonlight and his blue bandana flew behind him as he leaned down.

Oh you were glad he didn’t have his lips puckered or drool hanging out of his mouth like in the cartoons.

Swallowing any other signs of panic that were trying to build in your body as you leaned in.

The city of New York continued on around you both as the kiss ended; it was soft and sweet, not a full one, but it left both of you speechless. You felt as if your stomach was falling apart and Leo thought he could slip off the stairway. He was still holding your hands before you both departed, but with your free hands, you grabbed his face and brought him in once again. The red slider turtle’s eyes went wide as moons as this kiss much more, more than he could ever dream of.

He wrapped his arms around your waist and slightly lifted you up, burying his face into yours under the moonlight. He tangled himself around you as your hands wrapped around his neck and Leo felt his stomach flip at the actions. Your shirt was warm against his chest and he tried to focus in on that instead of the worry of messing this up. He leaned more down as his hand slipped into the back of your neck. Due to the lack of experience, the kiss was sloppy and messy and anxiety swam between the connection between the two of you.

But it was a tender memory of a kiss between the two of you, to remember as your first.

You both finally separated, your chest heaving as you tried to get your feelings under control. His arms were still wrapped around you and your hands had slipped down onto his plaston, the hard material rising and falling under your fingers. Leo felt himself lean back, the shock setting in that he just had his first kiss and it was that deep and romantic and that….

The teen turtle felt his shell bump against the railing and you quickly latched onto him to stop him from falling, a horse laugh coming out of your mouth.

“Guess you can say that you’re falling for me?” You asked, Leo knew now that he had to have a fever for how hot his face felt. He let out a few breathless laughs as he tried to calm himself down, longing and fear still lingering in his heart.

All he could do was pull you into a hug and whisper out, “I just want to stay here and kiss and hold you and Y/N I can't feel my heart.”

He buried himself into your neck as he once again slightly picked you up, hoping that your warm body would calm him down, but the organ in his chest raced on as you hugged him back, your arms barely going around his shell.

“Leo, will you be my boyfriend?”

My boyfriend. My boyfriend. My boyfriend. My boyfriend.

The words rang in his head like chimes as he slightly pulled away to look at her, the harsh blush on her face giving him an ego boost as he grinned at her.

“Being called a boyfriend, eh? Neon Leon already has so many cool names, but boyfriend is probably the best name to be called, especially if it’s only you saying it.”

“Probably? I guess I should just give the boyfriend title to someone else, then.”

“What?! No, no, no. I already called it, I’m your boyfriend capiche? Now come here.” He pulled you into a tight hug and gave you a little spin, a laugh escaping your throat as you held on.

“Leo! We can fall, and my back cannot handle cement like yours!”

#ROTTMNT #rottmnt x reader #rottmnt x leo #rottmnt leo #ROTTMNTXREADER #rottmntleo #rottmnt reader x leo #rottmnt leo x reader #tmnt #rise of the tmnt #Rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles

401 notes · View notes

jillianallen14 · 3 years

Text

A Mini-Essay on the Love Between Kirk and Spock

The romantic nature of Kirk and Spock’s relationship is so clear to me because of Kirk’s relationship with Bones. If you asked just about anyone who’s seen/watched/read/knows anything about Star Trek beyond the names Jim Kirk and Spock, “Who is Kirk’s best friend?” just about everyone would tell you, “Bones. Easy.” If you asked any character in Star Trek, including Spock, “Who is Jim Kirk’s best friend?” they’d answer, “Bones. Easy.” (Or, in the case of Spock, something along the lines of, “I believe it to be Dr. McCoy,” lol; you know y’all read that in his voice). The romantic nature of Kirk and Spock’s relationship (and I’m specifically talking about TOS, but it could apply to AOS, too) is easy to see because we have something to compare it to (no hate or shade to people who ship Kirk/Bones bc y’all are super valid for that, I get it too). Bones and Kirk, to me, are the quintessential male friendship where they would die for each other, get drunk together, are affectionate with each other, tease the hell out of one another, love each other and would say so, etc. They’re a very healthy male/male friendship, which is lovely to see, and they’re practically like brothers. Which is why it’s so clear to me that Kirk and Spock are something different. Kirk already has a best friend; Spock fulfills a different role in his life. Kirk would die for Spock, he would get drunk with Spock, he is affectionate with Spock, he teases Spock, he loves Spock and says so. But he does all this for different reasons than he does with Bones. Spock is 100% his “other half”. They are partners, spouses, which is why, most of the time, there’s a tension between the two of them before they “get together” (which I believe finally happens in The Motion Picture) that doesn’t exist between Kirk and Bones. In The Search for Spock, Jim literally proves that he simply can’t live without Spock. Jim’s love for Bones and Spock is equal, but it’s different kinds of love.

I decided to bring this up because I’ve been reading a lot of fanfic that downplays the importance of Spock in Jim’s life before they get together & make it official in favor of making Bones the most important person in Jim’s life. OR they downplay the importance of Bones in Jim’s life once Spock and Jim get together. Often, the same fanfic will do both. And everyone has their opinions, of course, but I think it really does a disservice to the characters and the way their relationships with each other have been set up to parallel each other but also show the differences between different kinds of love. Bones and Spock are both the most important people in Jim’s life, for different reasons, because he loves them equally in different ways. And that’s something I love so much about Star Trek. It shows how important familial love can be, platonic love, romantic love, physical love. Star Trek, to me, is a show that’s overwhelmingly about love. Love for one’s planet and home, love for one’s duty/job/purpose, love for one’s self (which is, I think, an important journey Spock undergoes as he learns to accept both halves of his identity), love for your friends, love for a partner, love for living beings, love. And Jim’s simultaneous but very different relationships with Bones and Spock show quite wonderfully how all love is important and plays a large role in a person’s life, not just romantic love or familial love.

I also bring this up because I’m quite tired of people who refuse to accept even the possibility that Kirk and Spock were in love (even though it’s practically as canon as it could be for the time period their relationship was created in, but whatever, homophobes will be homophobes) stating, “They’re just friends. Best friends. Why can’t you people ever just let two men be friends?” They’re not just friends. They’re certainly not best friends. Jim already has a best friend, although it’s perfectly possible to have multiple, of course. And Jim’s relationship with Bones is a perfect example of how we all understand how two men can be “just friends”. But Jim and Spock are not “just friends”. When you look at the differences between Jim’s relationships with Bones and Spock, it’s very clear why Jim and Spock are not just friends. It’s very clear why Spock is the one that sacrifices himself in The Wrath of Khan (or Jim in the reboot), and why Jim is the one putting his hands up against the glass in grief and agony (or Spock, in the reboot). It’s clear why it’s these two who are at the heart of this tragedy, who are portrayed as star-crossed lovers whose time together gets cut short. Their relationships are equal in importance but different in nature. I wish people could see that more because I think it’s one of the most beautiful things to come out of Star Trek.

#kirk/spock #jim kirk #spock #bones #dr mccoy #star trek #star trek tos #star trek aos #spirk #william shatner #leonard nimoy #gene roddenberry #chris pine #zachary quinto #karl urban

386 notes · View notes

peppersonironi · 4 years

Text

DUKE THOMAS ISN’T THE SANE ONE! A guide by Pepper

So, I have seen so many people writing Duke incorrectly, and I wanted to do something about it. In fanon, he is described as the sane bat, who would rather stay home and safe, and absolutely never join in shenanigans. Now, I know there are a lot of things wrong with canon, but Duke is one of the better parts! He is an interesting character who is actually just as chaotic as the rest of the gotham vigilantes. And so it it is quite unfair to his character to say he is the 'Arnold from the Magic Schoolbus' of the group. He's really not.

So I decided to make a list of ten instances in the comics where he disobeys Bruce, acts reckless, or is just a bat! (also for a Batfam Group Chat I’m a part of, someone asked for these) I hope this helps people understand his character better, and maybe even inspire them to write more about him? Seriously, Tag me if you do. I'm starved for good Duke content!

Feel free to add more in the comments, these are just what I could think of off the top of my head! (Hence the kinda weird order, sry)

1. He's a vigilante

Okay, so this is a bit obvious, but I still think it needs saying. You think that a guy who dresses in bright yellow and patrols the most crime-ridden city in the world during the day is 100% sane?

2. We Are Robin

Also obvious, but still. This guy joins a group of untrained teenage robins who just want to make a difference. And they do! It's still pretty reckless, though.

3. He tried to take on the Riddler

In case you didn't know, in the beginning of New 52 (Zero year, specifically) the Riddler essentially held Gotham Hostage. He had some spiel about someone giving him a riddle he couldn't solve, and letting the city go. You know who decided he would be that person? Duke Thomas! He trained in brain-teasers, and puzzles, tirelessly worked. He became quite the adept riddler (not the villain). The kick? He was a child! (Look at the above panels, isn't he cute?) Duke was young, yet determined. And if that's not a bat quality, I don't know what is.

4. He escaped the cops by jumping off a bridge.

Oh no! Duke is in a police car! Oh no! He's on a bridge! What's he going to do?! Why, jump out and off the bridge while proclaiming "I am Robin" of course! Seriously, look at that panel and try to argue that he is the responsible goody-two-shoes of the family.

5. He talked down an enraged Damian

Basically, Damian was manipulated into joining the court of owls. Duke, who refused to believe that Robin genuinely joined them, fought him and talked him down. Now, this is Damian we're talking about. Sure, the kid is absolutely adorable and can be incredibly caring (Fight me on this, I dare you. Also, frick you DC), but when he's on a rampage, there is little that can stop him. So of course Duke decides to take care of it!

6. He actively tries to have a relationship with Damian.

Okay, so this one is a little weak, but I wanted an excuse to share those panels. Aren't those two great?! But seriously, Duke ignores that this tiny child could kill him in more ways than he could count, and even invites him to a movie! He also isn't afraid to tease the kid, unlike other members of the family. Knowing Damian can honestly be hard sometimes.

7. Comes back to the city when Bruce told him to get out.

During the I Am Bane arc of Tom King's Batman (I'm shuddering. So sorry for invoking his name!) Bruce tells the batboys to get out of Gotham and STAY out. the others are like 'we're not gonna listen, right?' and Duke is all 'you can't ignore BATMAN!' and walks off saying he's gonna listen to Bruce. This seems like pretty damning evidence, right? He's actually sane? The others got attacked by Bane and hung, but Duke didn't. Well, then you look at the next panel! (it takes place later in the volume) There he is, disobeying Bruce, and hanging out in Gotham. Not just that, he's out in costume! No, Duke couldn't just hunker down in an apartment, he had to go out and take down crooks, and warn Jim Gordon. I think that's pretty self-explanatory

8. Goes out while Injured

Those two panels are back-to-back in The Cursed Wheel (originally printed in All-Star Batman, later put into Batman and the Signal). As you can see, Bruce tells Duke to get rest. Duke was just attacked by Zsasz, and suffered multiple injuries. He wakes up, and the thing that would make the most sense would be for him to go to sleep, right? Well, he instead gets suited up and goes out to work on a case. Pretty much every bat has done this at some point. Not quite the smartest move, right? A touch reckless, wouldn’t you say?

9. That whole thing with Green Lantern

(sry for the weird sizing, I don’t have the comic to take screenshots)

So there are two parts to this. First of, you have Green Lantern flying into the batcave, looking around, and there’s no Batman present. So what does Duke Do? Well, he certainly doesn’t stay back and contact Bruce! Nope, instead he attacks a member of the Justice League, a member of the Green Lantern Corp. Later on, you know what he says? He thought he would be fine because his suit is bright yellow. That’s it. A bit crazy, right?

Secondly, he gets roped into exploring the cave with Hal (I thinks it’s Hal, been a bit since I read this though). The Lantern has some thing going on about stuff in the cave, but that’s not important. What’s important is that Duke went along with it. He was curious enough to ignore what Bruce would say (Call him, yet anything remotely green out of the cave), and joins in! He does’t say “this is a bad idea” or “we shouldn’t be doing this” nope!

9. When he ran off with Cass to test his powers

Oh no, Duke got shadow powers! What’s he gonna go? Why, go off and have fun experiment of course! Duke and Cass head out to test and work on Duke’s newly presented abilities, and specifically don’t tell Bruce! This is information he would like to know, of course. It’s important to know if your newest protege gets more powers. But no, they go out of their way to sneakily test the extent of his powers. They get caught, of course, and then get chewed out (They get caught in costume, but the next panel they’re in civvies. I find that outrageously funny!). And here’s the kicker: they don’t really apologize! Sure, Duke gives a half-heart apology, but he doesn’t really mean it. Not even under the full extent of the Batglare™.

10. Rescuing Bruce with practically no training

I’ll skip all the plotty stuff, so just know that Bruce was out alone and in some deep doo-doo. Duke was back at the cave, working stuff out with Alfred. He realizes that what Bruce is doing is a trap. Now, just so you know, this is back when Duke was JUST taken in by Bruce. He doesn’t even have a codename yet! Barely any training. So you know what he does? He heads out anyway, and rescues Bruce. Now, check out that music he’s playing. Later on, it’s revealed to be Duke’s fave band. You know the name of that band? “Batman’s @^$&@” I’m not even joking. (I’m not sure what bleeped out, though later on it’s referred to as “Batman’s #$%” So I assume it’s ass?). So on top of being reckless, he plays a heavy metal band with a name that’s … special to say the least. He has guts, you gotta admit (Oh, and he seemed so gleeful when he told Bruce the name of the band!).

And there you have it! This list is far from complete, but I think it’s a good start. Feel free to reblog with your own, or any questions/comments! I absolutely love to talk about Duke, so don’’t be afraid to message me! Also, correct me if I wrote anything incorrect here. It’s been a while since I’ve read some of these, so I may have gotten some stuff wrong.

#duke thomas #the signal #duke is the signal #batfam #batfamily #dc comics #batman comics #batman and the signal #cassandra cain #damian wayne #batman #Bruce wayne #we are robin #robin war #batman zero year #dc #characterization #duke deserves better #long post

680 notes · View notes

i-dreamed-i-had-a-son · 4 years

Text

Can I just say Bones does not get nearly enough credit for how well he reads people?? Like, we all forget that he is not only a doctor, he's a psychiatrist as well. And not only is he insanely good at reading Jim, we also see him read and understand Spock (who is his opposite and with whom he frequently disagrees) and push him when it's necessary. It's Bones' words that make some of the most powerful exchanges out of all the 79 original episodes. Here is proof (and there's a lot of it):

Balance of Terror

Jim's doubting himself and is dealing with a lot of stress because of all his responsibilities and the burden of making decisions, and asks Bones, "What if I'm wrong?" This is an incredibly vulnerable moment for Jim, who always has to be strong, and when Bones starts to answer, Jim gets up and says "I wasn't really expecting an answer."

Bones immediately puts his hand on his shoulder, stops him, and says, "Well, I've got one." Completely unexpected by Jim. Bones starts off by saying "This isn't something I'd usually tell a customer," then gives the speech we all probably know, about how there are millions of possible earth-like planets, "but in all of that, and possibly more, only one of each of us. Don't destroy the one named Kirk."

Let's break down why this is so good. First, Bones lets Jim know that he sees how vulnerable Jim is being and that he's talking to Jim as a friend. He recognizes that Jim's identity is fundamentally tied to his role as a captain, and also acknowledges how deep Jim's doubts are going, and at the same time reminds Jim that he is the one in control of himself (something very grounding for Jim) and he is not alone (because Bones is supporting him). Most of all, he doesn't dwell on the vulnerability Jim's expressing, but encourages him to take action, which is Jim's natural bent. He perfectly adapts to how Jim functions and knows what to say to get him back into a place where he can do what he does best: lead.

The Ultimate Computer

Jim has been been feeling insecure and threatened this entire episode, because a computer may take away his role as captain. Twice he seeks out Bones for comfort. First, he tells him that he has concerns about the computer, but worries about his motives. "You have my psychological profiles; am I afraid? Of losing my job? ...Daystrom's right, I could do a lot of other things. Am I afraid of losing the power, the prestige? Am I that petty?"

Bones replies, "Jim, if you're self-aware enough to ask that question, you don't need me to answer it for you. Why don't you ask James T. Kirk? He's a pretty honest guy."

Breakdown: Bones responds beautifully by once again reminding Jim that he knows himself and is in control. That sense of confidence is all Jim is after. He also establishes earlier in the conversation that what Jim is feeling is not unusual and can be understood. Brilliant.

The second time Jim reaches out to Bones (this episode is my favorite for a reason), he's doubting his role even more intensely, having just been blatantly insulted and called useless (affirming his insecurities). He left the bridge, silently, by himself, and even Spock didn't follow him out. Bones knew he needed help and went to him, with some drinks (Jim initially responds that he's not interested in eating--coping by losing interest in food) and a joke and light-hearted attitude, so that Jim can feel comfortable expressing himself. Jim puts on an air of not caring (shutting himself off from his emotions) and says he's never felt so useless, and makes a cynical joke as a toast, "To Captain Dunsel" (the insult from earlier, meaning "unnecessary").

Bones stops him, looks him in the eye, and says "To James Kirk, Captain of the Enterprise." Jim says softly, "Thank you, Doctor," and when he downs his glass, Bones follows suit.

There's just so much good about this. Bones seeks him out even when he was trying to isolate himself because he knew Jim tends to distract himself and unhealthily repress things. And he doesn't let Jim get away with being blasé about how he's been hurt, but he doesn't force him to be honest either; instead, he lets Jim know he sees how he's feeling and how deeply he's hurt, and also reaffirms that Bones still cares about, respects, and most of all, believes in him. When Jim starts talking after the drink, Bones just listens and lets him talk, and when Jim responds to the call to the bridge, he follows him out. Back in action, and another job well done.

The Trouble With Tribbles

Just a brief point with this: Spock is just being silent here, which is typical for him. But Bones asks him "What's the matter, Spock?" seemingly out of the blue. Spock responds with, "There's something disquieting about these creatures," which means that he was feeling off, and Bones picked up on it. Bones then makes a joke ("Don't tell me you've got a feeling!") which lets Spock know that Bones sees what he's saying but isn't treating it as unusual (since the joking between them is their normal behavior). And when Spock continues talking, he hears him out (although it eventually degenerates into their typical spat).

All Our Yesterdays

Spock has begun degenerating into a pre-reformed-Vulcan version of himself. He gives up on trying to get back to their proper time and becomes irritable. Bones notices that something's wrong almost immediately.

He starts by asking about Jim (because he knows how deeply Spock cares for him), and Spock responds apathetically. This clearly shocks Bones, who then says "I don't believe it, Spock. It's just not like you to give up trying." When Spock doesn't acknowledge something's off, Bones presses him: "I understand. I never thought I'd see it, but I understand. You want to stay here. In fact, you're highly motivated to stay in this forsaken waste!" Spock deflects again, and Bones keeps pressing, which leads to Spock grabbing him by the neck and saying angrily, "I don't like that. I don't think I ever did, and now I'm sure." Bones simply looks him in the eye and asks calmly, "What's happening to you, Spock?"

Instead of hassling Spock about why he isn't doing more, he focuses on what's wrong with Spock himself, and he clearly has a deep understanding of who Spock really is. He starts by trying to get a feel for Spock's emotional state by going to ground 0: Jim. And he doesn't back down when Spock tries to blow him off.

Seeing that he's getting nowhere, Bones bides his time, and then starts something with Zarabeth, knowing Spock will jump to her defense.

When Spock pins him against the wall, Bones calmly says, "Are you trying to kill me, Spock? Is that what you really want? Think! What are you feeling? Rage, jealousy--have you ever had those feelings before?" Spock is clearly affected by this, and says it's impossible, since he's a Vulcan. Bones sees his opening, saying "The Vulcan you knew won't exist for another 5000 years! Think, man! What's happening on your planet right now, at this very moment?" Spock answers with the facts, and Bones tells him flat-out what's going on: he's reverting. Spock falls quiet, and says, "I've lost myself. I do not know who I am."

Bones is specifically structuring his responses (both here and earlier) to cause Spock to evaluate himself--to think, which has always has grounded Spock. Bones indirectly (so that Spock doesn't feel as threatened by the accusation) indicates that Spock's being too emotional. He wants Spock to see for himself that something's wrong, so Bones asks questions or makes open-ended statements so that Spock will have to respond. He also provides enough evidence (pointing out the emotions Spock is feeling) to prove he has a point and guide Spock towards a conclusion. He's talking Spock through it, using reason and logic, which Spock has always responded to. Bones' questions are also phrased so that the answers are objective facts--he's bringing Spock back to the verifiable, Spock's comfort zone. Finally, he does the analysis for Spock, telling him what's undeniably happening, but leaves the course of action open to Spock, so that he can regain control of himself by deciding how to proceed. Bones smoothly and logically guided Spock to the delicate realization he needed to have.

Of Bread and Circuses

Then of course we have this iconic exchange. Jim's been separated from the both of them and they are all in danger. Spock is pulling at the bars although he knows it will be futile.

Bones calls him out on this, and then thanks him for saving his life. When Spock brushes him off and keeps his walls up, Bones says, "I know why you're not afraid to die, Spock. You're more afraid of living. Every day you stay alive is just one more day you might slip--and let your human half peek out." Spock is silent and looks away, and Bones continues, now smiling slightly: "That's it, isn't it? Insecurity. Why, you wouldn't know what to do with a genuine, warm, decent feeling." His face makes it clear he's gently baiting Spock, who then looks back at Bones and says, "Really, Doctor?" Bones replies softly, "I know. I'm worried about Jim, too."

First thing: Spock's theme starts playing when Bones corners him. So we're supposed to get that Bones is really laying him bare. But starting from the beginning of the scene, Bones recognizes Spock's anxiety through his illogical behavior. He takes the time to thank Spock for saving his life, in an effort to remind Spock that he is competent and in control--basically, trying to calm Spock down and reassure him. When Spock refuses to deal with his emotions productively, Bones is having none of it, and shows Spock just how much he knows. He can tell Spock isn't worried for himself ("you're not afraid to die") but also is well aware of Spock's actual fears (which are coloring his current behavior towards Bones). Basically, Bones is saying, "this facade of yours can't keep me out. You're understood. You're not alone." Saying it in those terms, though, would just make Spock feel weak for unsuccessfully trying to mask his behavior, so Bones frames it as a gentle challenge. When Spock looks away, he can tell he's hit the nail on the head, and he smiles because he's getting through to him. His face as he says "you wouldn't know what to do with a genuine, warm, decent feeling" telegraphs to the audience that he's not actually serious, but is looking for a response. And he gets it--Spock acknowledges, as Bones had intended, that he is currently dealing with emotions. And that's where Bones wanted to get him, because now that he's admitted it, he can move forward; but Bones doesn't want this admission to go unrewarded, and definitely doesn't want Spock to go on believing that Bones meant what he'd said about not knowing what to do with feelings, so he again tells Spock that he understands what's really going on, but without challenge this time. He just accepts it and reassures Spock that he's not alone: "I know. I'm worried about Jim too." They're in it together, and now that Spock is a little more vulnerable, he's able to see that Bones is right beside him.

So that was a lot, but there is definitely even more. Basically, give Bones the appreciation he deserves, because his emotional intuition is off the charts. (After all, as he is so fond of reminding us, he is a doctor!)

#star trek #star trek tos #spock #jim kirk #bones mccoy #bones #meta #my meta posts #quality meta seal of approval #photoset #kay can i just catch my breath for a second #kay watches tos #1k #this post will be quiet for a while and then suddenly pick up like 200 notes at a time and it makes me really happy to see 😂😂

1K notes · View notes

bonni · 3 years

Text

hiatus notice, and a word on white passivity

I'll be offline on most social media sites for at least the next month, and if I come back after that my presence will be significantly sparser. I'm taking time to find a job, spend some quality time with my girlfriend, and also extensively educate myself on worldwide antiblackness.

I have been in an interracial relationship for five years; my girlfriend is Black, native, and latina, and I am white. And although we love each other very much, I have frequently been a selfish and insensitive partner. I have made excuses for my antiblack family and friends alike, completely ignorant to the discomfort of my girlfriend due to my unwillingness to examine my own position of privilege. And when this was pointed out to me by her, I made excuses and attempted to victimize myself.

I'd like to address the other white leftists who follow and know me: as people who consider ourselves to be educated on complex sociopolitical issues like antiblackness and colonialism, it's easy to otherize ourselves from "those" white people: the ones who are violent, stubborn, and willfully ignorant. But there's a more insidious form of racism that you may be not only perpetrating on a daily basis, but exposing the POC in your life to, and that is the enabling of racism (specifically antiblackness) in your peers. Maybe your friend makes an antiblack comment in front of your Black friend and instead of calling them out, you pretend not to hear and pray your friend won't remember (trust me, they will). Maybe you refuse to stand up to your racist family members because you think it's a waste of time, and besides, you know they're good people at heart, right? Or maybe you show a Black person you know a funny sitcom scene that just happens to contain offensive racial caricatures without prompting, because you didn't really think it was that big of a deal. These are all ways that you can alienate your friends, and yes, your partners as well.

You are not special for reading The New Jim Crow or for putting BLM in your bio. These are bare-bones, rudimentary steps that anyone can take. If you want to be a real ally, you must work every single day to unravel the racist perceptions you've been conditioned to have since your childhood. Read theory and watch videos, but also closely analyze your own actions. Ask yourself right now why you're still keeping that racist friend in your life, why you're still watching that YouTuber, and why you refuse to stand up for your Black peers in the face of prejudice.

Ultimately, you need to actively decide if you're willing to put in the effort to support the Black people in your life. That will mean making sacrifices. It will mean giving up the comfortable ignorance that you've coasted on for your whole life. It will mean losing friends and dropping interests. It will mean feeling guilty quite often, and having to suppress the urge to wallow in that guilt, pull yourself up, and do something that's actually productive to offer what little reparations you can to the people who's suffering you've undoubtedly contributed to throughout your lifetime. Most importantly, it will mean accepting that you don't deserve praise for any of these actions, and that any "hardship" you face in the process of unlearning your racist tendencies is nothing compared to the experience of being a Black person in this world. My girlfriend wakes up every day afraid for the safety of her family while people like me congratulate themselves for doing the bare fucking minimum to combat racism in their communities.

White leftists, if you've read this far, I'm sure you're rolling your eyes, thinking that you're clearly already a better person than I am and that you already put in the effort required to be a good ally. And in some sense, you might be right, maybe you are better than me. But I used to think the exact same thing when I read about antiblackness. I was smart, I was different, I wasn't like "those" white people. And I was wrong. I guarantee you that you can be doing better, and I hope that reading this has given you the motivation to try. Because change takes time and effort, and you won't be young forever.

#chatter

26 notes · View notes

c-is-for-circinate · 3 years

Text

Thinking today about viruses, allergies, oppression, and anti culture.

(under a cut because WHOOOPS this got long)

Racism is a virus. Homophobia, transphobia, sexism, antisemitism, ableism, etc etc etc, they are all viruses--a topic that many of us have learned a great deal about in the past year. They are ideas, yes, not literal physical diseases, but the analogy holds up. They are infectious, and often spread from person to person without anyone involved realizing they have it. They can sit latent for years, never showing up because the carrier never finds themselves in a situation where the issue comes up, only to flare up and take over when you least expect it. And they mutate, just like the flu, just like the common cold; they put on a new jacket every year and slide in undetected yet again, slip past our internal sensors and bury themselves in our brains until we go in and deal with them as best as we can.

One more thing we've learned about viruses this year is how we can fight them. The viruses of oppression are a little different because they tend to hurt the people around their carriers even more than the people they've infected (although let's talk about internalized anything-ism sometime), but in a lot of ways the attack is the same. You treat the symptoms even when you don't know how to cure the disease: we invest in respirators, antiviral treatments, hospitals; we create and sponsor programs to help those who've been hurt by various oppressions, we uplift our neighbors, we try to keep people safe from violences both big and small. You work to stop the spread: we wear our goddamn masks, we stay home when we can; we train ourselves not to say racist shit that might foster a culture of hate, we stop that guy in our office from making rape jokes, we make slurs unacceptable. You pay attention to your immune system: we seek medical attention when we experience symptoms, we get COVID tests, we talk to our doctors before the symptoms get deadly; we protest and we pay attention to the people who do, we take them seriously when they tell us that something is wrong.

You vaccinate. We train ourselves and our immune systems to recognize the thing that infects us, the thing that we fear. We try to teach our children about history, bit by little bit, on fragments of dead violence the same way we train our bodies on dead virus shells, so that someday they'll recognize the live disease when they see it. We learn about slavery and Jim Crow and the Holocaust. We tell kids bedtime stories about why hitting and bullying is bad, before we ever start teaching them the specific shapes that violence so often takes. As we get older, as we get stronger, we learn about the living stuff, all the new forms that same old virus has mutated into; we educate ourselves, we listen, we read. Just like vaccines, of course, there are anti-vaxxers and denialists shouting about how racism and sexism are already dead and they don't need any propoganda besides Fox News. Hell, just like anti-maskers, there are plenty of people screaming about how political correctness is ruining the world and they demand their right to spread their virus to anyone they can. Often these are the same people.

But we try. And make no mistake, we all of us are already infected, and just like a real virus, once you've caught it once it probably won't ever go away again--but we can prepare, and we can try to lessen the severity of our cases, and we can support our immune systems of activists and protesters and our own internal sense of this is wrong, and we can work, bit by bit, if not towards eradication (not yet, not in this world, but maybe someday in another), then at least towards control.

And then there's allergies.

An allergy is what happens when a human body's own immune system freaks out over an enemy that wasn't particularly harmful in the first place. All our immune defenses--those precious immune defenses, which work so hard to protect us against all those viral, deadly ideas--go screaming into high gear. All of that fear and fury and attack power gets brought to bear all at once, against a bit of pollen or bee venom or cat dander or peanuts, and your body is left itchy and runny-nosed and gasping--sometimes literally--as it tries to keep up. Allergies are miserable. Sometimes they're life-threatening. And the biggest danger isn't the foreign agent that triggers the allergic reaction; it's the immune system trying to fight it in the first place.

Which, yes, brings us to anti culture--but not JUST anti culture. It's a good example, a little internet-centric microcosm of the same force that drives progressives to tear bloody shreds out of moderate liberal politicians. Hell, it's the same force that enables both TERFs and the Capitol rioters. It's a combination of an immune system that points in the wrong direction, flagging the wrong thing as bad, terrifying, danger, NO, and a freaked-out response that can manifest as anything from mildly irritating to absolutely deadly.

To be clear, I am not by any means equating the scale or even the source of these things, any more than hayfever is the same as anaphylactic shock. Likewise, the sources are different. Sometimes, a disease can infect an immune system and point it in the wrong direction. (Terror of the other is the absolute cornerstone of white nationalism, and when that terror gets triggered by a harmless environmental condition like, god forbid, other people asking for rights, the allergy response can be deadly.) Other times, it's the other way around. Our internal immune systems, so well trained to protect ourselves and those around us from the insidious viral ravages of prejudice and oppression, start seeing traces of it everywhere.

And they freak out. And we suffer for it.

We talk a lot of well-deserved shit about TERFs, but it's useful to remember how much their nastiness feels to them like activism. Their immune system, trained and primed and sensitized over years of exposure to misogyny and sexism, catches the tiniest whiff of something that might seem at some point to have possibly been taken for male, and freaks out, because why is that trying to get into our system. Never mind that they're wrong. An immune system that flips out over penicillin is wrong, too. It's still trying to help, and it's still doing more harm than good trying it.

So bringing this back around to anti culture, which was absolutely where I started thinking about all of this this morning: anti culture, the terror of porn and the attempt by antis to protect themselves an other people from sexual content, is an immune response. It is a trained immune response, in people who have been taught and re-taught again and again that rape culture is a dangerous insidious virus that should be fought at all costs. And, right, there's more than a bit of 'the sexism virus infected this immune system and reprogrammed it to fight itself' involved here, but look, we are all of us infected with all of the viruses at least a little bit everywhere. If we tried to direct our immune systems to rip every last shred of -ism out of every last bit of us, we'd rip ourselves apart. Which is exactly the problem.

Porn, in and of itself, is natural. As natural as environmental pollen, and living near dogs and cats, and eating wheat or nuts or citrus fruit. It's even healthy, for a whole host of reasons that belong in another essay. And citric acid and nut-based proteins and whole grains are nutritious, and pets are physically and psychologically helpful, and being exposed to lots of different environmental substances as a child can actually help train your immune system in the first place. Porn can help us figure out what we like. It can help us figure out what we don't like. And while the processes that create it are sometimes unethical and awful, we don't condemn all dogs because puppy mills and dogfighting rings exist, even if we do have dog allergies.

What we see in anti culture is often a good-faith attempt on the part of antis to attack and subdue an environmental trigger that they read as dangerous. It's a panic attack over something that is by nature harmless or mildly harmful, blown out of proportion by the very instincts that are supposed to keep us safe. It's the response of an immune system that's been taught over years and years, by everyone from parents to school systems to the activists they look up to, that negative stimulus is to be feared, avoided, and fought. Of COURSE they're going to freak out.

And of course, early exposure to controlled amounts of allergens can help prevent later allergies from developing. Of course when kids are raised with abstinence-only education, sheltered from the very concept of sex, they're going to grow up allergic to it. (Of course they're going to try to protect other kids from the same, like worried mothers who refuse to let peanuts or wheat products or dirt near their precious babies, whose kids grow up with a whole suite of allergic triggers because their bodies never learned what was okay in the first place.) And no, that doesn't mean we hand pornography to ten-year-olds any more than we should give raw honey to an infant--but of course if our culture refuses to introduce kids to the fact that sex and desire and the inside of their own brain can be messy and silly and kinky and downright weird, we're going to have a higher rate of allergic reaction to the entire concept in adults.

I wish I had a better answer for what to do with understanding that this is what's going through so many people's brains. The best I have is a prescription for allergy-sufferers, who probably haven't read this far through this wordspew of an essay in the first place--but we all get a little hayfever once in a while, and we all sometimes run into content that makes us angry. So some thoughts on how to deal with metaphorical allergic reactions, inspired by the ways we deal with literal ones?

First: we recognize that what is happening is an allergy. The thing we're reacting to might be gross, or irritating, or even unpleasant, but the danger is not and never has been the thing itself. Whether it's triggering a response because of its similarity to an actively dangerous pathogen, or our immune system just doesn't like it, our aversion to one kind of story or another universally says more about us than about it. Luckily, we have a lot more control over our social responses than our biological ones!!! If vocal activism is our sociocultural immune system firing itself up to fight an infection that may or may not exist, then we get to tell our metaphorical white blood cells to stand down. We get to decide.

Second: we get some space. The funny thing about allergies is, while early exposure to allergens can help prevent them, re-exposing yourself to dangerous allergens after you've already developed a reaction to them can make them worse. Anaphylaxis is always more likely after someone's experienced it the first time. Repeated exposure to triggers, whether biological or psychological, can make the effects worse. So stop exposing yourself.

If something makes your throat itch every time you eat it, stop eating it. If something makes you mad every time you read it, stop reading it. Obviously this can be easier said than done in a world that's a lot worse about warning labels on stories than ingredients labels on foods, but that's why fic tags exist. And: sometimes, the croissant is delicious enough that we decide we're willing to suffer through the way the almonds make us feel, just this once. Sometimes the ship or the characterization or, hell, those other kinks that we really like are tasty enough that we'll put up with the trope we hate. We're allowed to do that. But we do it knowing there will be consequences, and we don't blame the baker when they hit.

We also don't have to blame ourselves. It sucks to be allergic to shellfish when all your friends are raving about the new seafood place. But that's not our fault any more than it's theirs.

Third: sometimes, if we need one, we go to the doctor. Or a therapist. Yes, really.

Not because there's anything really wrong with an aversion or even mild breakouts of hives, annoyance, and bitching in your friends' DMs--but it sure isn't pleasant, and sometimes your doctor might have a better solution than 'avoid it and take a Benadryl' that makes you feel a little better in the long run. And sometimes, it's not a mild breakout. Sometimes it's the kind of story that lingers with you for days, makes your skin crawl; sometimes your throat swells up and it gets hard to breathe. Sometimes we get angry enough about something we've read that we can't stand down our immune system, don't want to stop ourselves from writing that angry comment, that tumblr post, that abuse report to the mods for something that didn't actually break any rules. And that's dangerous, because when our immune response can flare out of control like that, we don't always know where and when it will happen next, and the risk of what we'll do if it happens gets way, way higher.

Sometimes it really is worth getting a second opinion. Sometimes you need somebody to tell you, "actually, it is not normal to get tingly and sweaty every time you eat potatoes." There are ways to train your brain and leash your white blood cells that I sure as heck am not expert enough to address. There are, it turns out, ways to feel better. There are ways to mitigate the damage your own well-meaning defense mechanisms might do to yourself or other people along the way.

And: we can take a deep breath when someone with an allergy to something we've baked, something we've written, something we like, is lashing out trying to protect themselves and everyone around them from something they've registered as a threat. Of course they're wrong. Yes, we told them there were tree nuts in the brownies ahead of time; yes, they chose to eat them anyway. But it can be worth reminding them and ourselves that there's a difference between "this thing is toxic" and "this harmless thing has driven my own system into a defensive response that sure makes it feel like I've been poisoned." And it can be worth reminding ourselves as well as them that sometimes, that difference can be really hard to spot.

#driveby meta attack #I guess #whoops I essay'ed #this was not meant to get this long #welp #anti discourse day

73 notes · View notes