#they're both not gonna be mentally well for a long time IF they'll ever be

[nenekkasa]

just two (totally normal, not at all mentally ill) girls having a relaxing bath together

#good god i think about what their lives after the massacre ending would be like so often #massacre ending is so fucked up but i would LOVE for it to just not be a game over #they're both not gonna be mentally well for a long time IF they'll ever be #i would kill to have that be even just a little explored #yttd #kimi ga shine #naosara #nao egokoro #sara chidouin #dia art

[neep-neep-neep]

Ngozi's symbolism in Check Please!

it's been boiling inside me too long so i have to let this out now. Too many people don't understand Ngozi's symbolism in Check Please! and to increase your enjoyment of the series and her clever writing (honestly, I've seen the worst takes from people about her writing somehow being subpar because of the ending or Parse not getting a happy ever after ugh). Listen to the woman when she says "the pie is Bitty"!

Part I: Pie

Bitty brings a pecan pie to SMH to introduce his Southern identity to a Yankee university and sports team. He brings another four pies to the family skate with Jack and agonizes when a slice is about to be left over. He drops a pie when overwhelmed by Shitty and Nursey's discussion of the rumors about Jack and the secrets he has to keep.

The fruit filling is Bitty's sweet, warm, and tender inner self and the crust is, well, his formal, people-pleasing, selfless outer shell.

A fruit pie is either fully obscured or latticed, both being some sort of cover for the filling.

Bitty is making an intricate lattice on a pie and stopping halfway through to break down while on the phone with his mom. He isn't ready to tell her, even though she does inform him her pie (Bitty) is 'almost ready to come out'.

II: Jam

After "Me & Jack", Bitty goes on a jam making spree. The jam is a similar fruity sweet substance, but it is in clear jars because Jack and Bitty's truth is out, and may even be open to some sympathetic players on other NHL teams (he mentions in a tweet that he owes someone on the Schooners squad a jar of jam, as the preserve is becoming a hit through Jack's generous gifting). He also informs Jack "it's gonna be two trips", foreshadowing the fact they'll have to come out a second, more emotionally wracking time.

Jam also represents Bitty's connection with his aunt Judy, a nonconformist in the family who as Ngozi has explained encouraged him to seek a higher educational option where he could be himself. He has loyalty to Judy above his mother, a secret that eventually and humorously blows up in his face.

III: Bread and toast

Jack tells his entire NHL team about Bitty while they're eating a lopsided (but delicious) loaf of bread and the aforementioned jam, both homemade by the diminutive southerner. Bitty makes sandwiches for Jack as loving gestures, giving him support during his toughest days on the ice. At his worst, Jack sees himself as broken or incapable of moving past the substance abuse and mental health issues he struggled with under an unbearable spotlight as the hockey prince.

Jack is the bread. The same warm and supportive oven that bakes Bitty's pies also allows bread to rise. Samwell helped Jack just as it helped Bitty, but more important, Bitty was a huge part of why Samwell helped Jack.

It's also why two identical slices of toast pop into frame when Whiskey brushes Bitty off when the latter tries to talk to him in the cafeteria.

Whiskey is or at least wants to be seen as masculine through and through, his interests and future as regimented and compartmentalized as a TV dinner. He sees only weakness in Bitty's soft, sweet personality, and feels they don't have anything (else) in common. He rejects not just pies but Bitty's other offers of kindness and help, because he sees Bitty like he's afraid other people will see him if the truth ever gets out.

He represents the awkward, self-denying phase of coming to terms with your queerness later in life.

The story does, however, leave the question open whether Samwell helps Whiskey the way it helped Jack and Bitty and countless others. Whiskey will have Bitty's dibs as well as his support, as Bitty has done important work in college sports, setting a precedent that will even help people as different to him as Whiskey.

All of this to say some of you need to reread the comic again in its entirety and please annotate in the margins and have a 5 paragraph essay on Ngozi's epicness on my desk by monday class disMISSED

#check please #omgcp #zimbits #please argue with me in the replies like this is a debate between Socrates and Plato #webcomics #checkpleasecomic #writing #metaphor

[tawneybee]

A couple facts about C.C/Nicky in my Trial & Error AU.

Pre-Death

- Elizabeth and Mike are twins, both 15, while Nicky (C.C) is 3.

-Nicky is nonverbal autistic. It is selective, so they know how to talk, they just choose not to. Sometimes they'll speak in eerie whispers (on purpose to creep ppl out) to people they don't like specifically. And since they love their siblings, the twins have hardly ever heard them speak. Nicky mostly communicates in body language and a yes/no/unsure button toy. Sometimes they'll even babble incoherently if they're feeling excited/stressed.

-Adding on to the whispering to people they don't like, if either of their siblings has said or done something to make them upset (as caring as the twins usually are, they're still siblings and still assholes) they'd go in the culprit's room at night and freak them out by talking to them in the dark. And since the twins have never seen Nick talk, they always think they're going crazy.

-Nicky has an oral fixation. They have a pacifier that they use most of the time, but without it there's quite a bit of biting. When they're feeling underwhelmed and need stimulation they'll just find something to chew on, and it doesn't help that biting is their love language and their teeth are quite sharp. You'll see the twins or Cassidy with a lot of indents and scars on their skin from this habit. Only real way to make them stop is to find their pacifier.

-Intersex because I said so

-Would you believe me if I said they've committed tax fraud before

-Elizabeth taught them to cry their way out of consequences and they accidentally got someone arrested through this

-Sees William as the man who pays for their stuff, nothing more

-They go to a babysitter when the twins are in school, and this babysitter is Jeremy Fitzgerald's adult sister, Autumn Fitzgerald.

-They're really smart and really well-developed mentally, so they were gonna be put in school early the year they turned 4.

-Though they died a mere week before their first day so- whoops 🤷.

-Fredbear's was built and shut down a few years before Nick's birth, so the most Nick saw of Fredbear was through the Fredbear & Friends TV show and old VHS tapes. It was still their favorite animatronic.

Post Death

-Due to Fredbear's being shut down before Nick was born, Nick didn't die due to the prank. Though their death was somewhat similar.

-Nick shares Fredbear with 5 other souls; Cassidy, Michael Brooks (TSE), Andrew (various FF books), Kelsey (FF: The New Kid), and Devon (FF: The New Kid).

-The Nightmares have a similar purpose here to canon, but long after Nick died, they found the old remains and managed to hijack the robots, so they're now able to use what William built against him.

-Elizabeth has had to fight them for the key to the explosives cabinet in Mike's office once.

-Even when in the massive form of Fredbear they always want to sit in the shopping cart.

-The pacifier followed them to the afterlife, and so did that goddamn oral fixation.

#fnaf #five nights at freddy’s #afton kids #afton siblings #fnaf headcanons #fnaf au #afton family #crying child fnaf #crying child #c.c afton #evan afton #nicky afton #michael afton #michael fnaf #elizabeth afton #elizabeth fnaf #fredbear #cassidy fnaf #william afton #idfk bro #im just bored and idk what to do with this au #ask me questions if u want #oh yeah if you cant tell #nick goes by they/them pronouns #why? because i wanted to #the afton kids were they/thems before it was cool #fnaf trial&error

[formulatrash]

Hi Hazel, what do you think is wrong with McLaren? There's so much stuff from Daniel fans and Lando fans and I just want to know if my boy Oscar is gonna live peacefully.

let me never claim to be able to diagnose what is wrong with an F1 team. that needs more than a medical degree. but sure let's do the equivalent of a 'what mental illness do you have' uquiz.

what's going on is: they said their car was a bit sucktastic and it is. the hydraulic issue they had on Lando's car was obviously terminal from the second it happened, they were just trying to keep running for the data in race conditions, even if by that point he wasn't really racing anyone. the electronics failure on Oscar's car was just shit. but then again, both Red Bulls stopped on the final lap of Bahrain last season and we know how that played out for the rest of the year so let's not get too bleak too quickly.

I know Daniel fans are in a lot of pain rn but the McLaren being bad this year doesn't mean it was just as bad last year. and if it did, then that'd make Lando some sort of supernatural presence, in F1 terms which I'm pretty sure is not what Daniel fans want to hear. but there is a connection between the two and not just that the MCL60 is an evolution of the MCL36.

the reality is: the struggle McLaren are having with themselves now is connected to what happened with Daniel, though. when Daniel was struggling at McL they just didn't have the capacity to work out how to help him.

the way the car has gone this year, with development having headed in the wrong direction, also suggests they couldn't work out why Lando was doing well. he was scoring points, so it would've come under less scrutiny in terms of not being a problem per se but also clearly McLaren took too long to work out the direction they could make a better car in. which is why they've arrived at the start of the season with something they're unhappy with and some reliability gremlins.

McLaren still don't have a wind tunnel, which is insane (they literally take stuff to Cologne, Germany to test it in the wind tunnel) and a huge limitation on development. all the stuff they could take advantage of in terms of extra wind tunnel time is mitigated by the fact they have to fill in 3000 billion EU forms in order to go test parts (cheers, Brexit - remind me again why on earth McL did an advert for the Tories) but when a team like Mercedes is struggling to make the right choices with their car, you know how big the problem is.

if Daniel had been closer to Lando on track then they would have had more usable data. but if they'd been able to get Daniel closer to Lando on track then they wouldn't have so obviously had a problem with interpreting and correlating their car. it's all symptoms of the same thing, which is that McLaren's recovery wasn't ever going to be a permanent upward trajectory.

what's positive for the team is that they now seem able to acknowledge that, that Andrea Stella as a leader has the right technical background to be good at directing the team during this time and that it might be good for the whole team to have a lower-stakes year.

Lando's contracted until shortly after the heat death of the universe and Oscar's a rookie who they've probably at least got a second year option on. neither of them has anywhere better to be in the near future and they're young enough they can wait out a season to actually fix some of McL's problems. it's better to think of this like the 2019 season, with Lando and Carlos in a position to help the team reset, than as a continuation of 2020 and 2021.

or they'll turn up with the new upgrades in a couple of races time and blast the whole field out the water. it's F1, sometimes you just don't know. but if I had to try and explain it using the analytic equivalent of what Taylor Swift lyric I think the team most vibes with ("it's me, I'm the problem") and its favourite white guy from a film franchise (Tony Stark) then that's how it'd come out.

#f1 asks

[spidey-bie]

Ansi & Hobie

–Part 2

Here we go again. Y'all are so irritating.

(Actually loves them both with her whole heart)

I'm not going to @ them again but these questions are by @/the-cat-and-the-birdie

Meeting:

How did they meet Hobie? What was their first meeting like?

A long time ago when Ansi was a wee lass her father accidentally opened a portal to a neighboring dimension and low and behold a young boy. It wasn't the greatest first meeting (lots of tears from both sides). But over time it got better. They were together for 2 years before Hobie went back to his world.

Did they like each other right away?

Nope. Ansi thought Hobie was weird. Hobie thought Ansi was stuck up. (Little did they know they were both autistic.)

What was their first impression of each other?

Refer back to the previous question.

Romance:

Why am I answering this section when I've already established that they're not in a romantic relationship. For fun 🤭. I'm gonna answer the sex one too. Let's irritate some allos today.

Are they 'together', committed, in a relationship, etc? Or label-less?

They're in a committed QPR.

Do they say I love you? (Or something else)

I don't know actually. I know they say they adore one another but it's not....like if asked they'll say they respect or admire the other but idk if they ever claim to love one another in public or in private.

Do they kiss? In public or private?

Yes. Everywhere but the lips. Honestly it's almost entirely on the hands. The hands thing started out with Ansi ironically kissing Hobie's hand. (It's not ironic anymore.) Lips are too much of a romantic thing for both of them.

Are they more likely to steal kisses, or make-out?

Neither. It's funny though because Ansi will run up and scale Hobie to give him a forehead kiss whenever he so desires.

What are their love languages?

Ansi's is quality time and physical touch.

Hobie's is physical touch and acts of service.

Emotional vulnerability should be a love language too but oh well.

Are they monogamous or polyamorous?

Ansi you ha- *giggle* I'm sorry but do y- *pffft* just answer the question Ansi. I can't.

Its not even that funny but, whatever. I barely have mental stability to manage one relationship in my life. You think I could handle more? IDC what Hobie does tho.

If they're poly - Do they have other partners

Thinking about marriage, or no?

Ansi laughed.

Kids, or no?

Ladies and gentlemen, enbys and everything outside and in between, Ansi is on the floor. She is not breathing. He's cracking up so badly that the air has left his lungs. And oh look, what do we have here? In a crazy turn of events seems Hobie has joined her. It looks like they're engaging in what the kids call, "Rolling on the floor laughing their butts off." Wow. What a show folks. They're definitely both gonna feel that later tonight.

Do other people know about their situation?

Close friends only. Everyone else can ask questions but they aren't gonna get answers.

Favorite date spot?

They don't call them dates. But they do chill out on Hobie's boat or Ansi's Aunt's house most of the time. If they're going out they're most likely going to the library or a record shop.

Who liked who first?

Hobie. Definitely Hobie. Ansi was like oh yeah he's cool but feelings didn't grow until they reunited again.

Who made the first move?

Ansi. Immediately realized their feelings and went, hey I kinda wanna have a deeper emotional relationship with you because you're really cool and I adore you.

Hobie could only nod because he was in shock.

Do they consider each other soulmates?

And further support amatonormativity and the idea that everyone must be connected to someone in some way in order to gain true happiness? I think not and also,

*Queue Ansi giving a whole spiel on amatonormativity and how it negatively affects society*

Your OC and Hobie are obviously on a date somewhere - someone begins aggressively flirting with him, and being rude to your OC - what do they do?

Ah yes let's piss off the pyromaniac. Jokes aside he'd be upset over the unplanned interruption. He'll just pick Hobie up and move the both of them somewhere else. However if that "unplanned interruption" tries to follow them that's when she starts to get really irritated. Now he's gonna act absolute fool.

A: "Bart the baby. I THINK THE BABY'S COMING."

Cue lamaze breathing

Unplanned Interruption: It seems like you're busy so imma just go.

After the person walks away he'll either claim it was a false labor or they book it outta there.

She's done this, a fake engagement, pretended to faint, pretended to almost throw up, etc. Once she did a whole scene from her favorite telenovela where he accused the guy flirting with Hobie of being his long lost cousin. (They were in Ansi's world.) He's a con artist. He does stuff like this everyday.

(A/N: This is so much fun to do. I come up with lore while writing these answers it's really nice.)

Prev | Current | Next | Four | Five

#Ansi and her Bie #ansiniya taratella #ansi taratella #my spidersona #spidersonas #spidersona #hobie x oc #hobie brown x oc #jay and the spiders #atsv

[xansmenagerie]

OC Incorrect Quote Tag

Not gonna lie, the long silence has been down to a horrible case of winter blues, so thank you @laurasimonsdaughter for giving me something to start kicking my brain into gear again.

@ambiguouspuzuma, if you want the tag game it's yours :)

I'm going to include some of my various RP characters in this because a) why the heck not and b) it's not like I haven't written ridiculous amounts of backplot and sidestory for them anyway. Heck, Harlequin has an entire novella...

Okay, let's start with SYJKR...where, because I'm a masochist and because Shakespearean identity comedy is fun, both main characters have the same name. I'm using the notation that my alpha readers have decided on to tell them apart.

m!Darcy: I hate to say ‘I told you so’— f!Darcy: No, you don’t. You would marry 'I told you so’ and have a baby with it and buy adjoining burial plots.

That is, by the point in the story that Darcy and Darcy finally meet, not a bad match for how they'll be interacting with each other.

Bronwyn: Darcy, what did you just do!? f!Darcy: I took your advice. I stopped running from the problem and I tackled it head on. Bronwyn: I meant try emotional honesty, not murder!!

Not sure Darcy would ever stoop to murder, but over-enthusiastically following Bronwyn's advice? Yep!

Jodie: I have feelings for you. m!Darcy: Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?

*cackles* Yeah...he's a doofus, and I like him that way.

Then we move onto Monster of the Week:

Mel: Look, Colin, it's the third time this week you had a mental breakdown and it's Monday.

No comment :D

Mel: You're ignoring all your problems. Colin: I know. Mel: You also know it's an unhealthy coping mechanism? Colin: I'm ignoring that fact as well. Mel:

Even bigger no comment :D

So RanVeer from the Mistborn campaign, they're a bit more sensible, right?

RanVeer: I hate how you're just born out of nowhere, and you're forced to go to school and get education so you can get a job. What if I wanted to be a duck? No one ever asked me if I want to be a duck!

Given what kandra are and what they do (shapeshifters and spy on people respectively), and given that RanVeer's list of animals they have been on the job has only been restricted by body mass...yeah.

Let's see...the surveyor and Gull the dryad?

Surveyor: Wake up! The sun is shining! Gull: What do you want me to do, photosynthesis?

Possibly funnier the other way around, but yes.

That's probably enough for now - if you want more writing though, please feel free to help by dropping a prompt or a request in the ask box :)

#tag game #incorrect quotes

[lunagojo]

Uzui Tengen and Rengoku Kyojuro w/ a S/O That Sleeps A Lot

(aka me. hi depression how are ya <3)

A/N: I'm gonna reopen requests soon I promise, I just needed a bit of time after my grandma passed away to just breathe. I appreciate you all for your patience <3

Uzui Tengen (and wives c:)

Let's say for the sake of these headcanons you're his fourth spouse :)

All four of them absolutely adore you and would do anything to keep you safe and happy, they're all extremely good listeners and very emotionally supportive <3

However they do tend to worry a bit about how much you sleep

Tengen does his best to make sure that there's a space in his estate for you to be comfortable. He goes all out and gets you the absolute best pillows, blankets, sheets, etc. and also makes sure the space is in a part of the home that is quiet

He also checks in with you when you've been sleeping for a long time, usually after a few hours he'll come in and ask you if you need anything or if you're feeling okay (sometimes -- often -- all the time it ends with him snuggling up to you and squishing you in his big ass arms)

He also always asks about your dreams that you have because he finds them extremely flamboyant.

Hinatsuru will bring you tea and snacks if you've been asleep for awhile to make sure that you're still eating/drinking. She constantly frets about your health and does whatever she can to keep you in tip top shape.

Makio, at first, won't understand why you sleep all the time. She sometimes would snap at you when you wake up or come downstairs in the middle of the afternoon after sleeping half the day away. However, when she realizes that you're just constantly exhausted, she'll soften up a bit. She'll never openly admit it, but she loves the way your face looks when you're asleep, she thinks it's very cute :3

Suma meanwhile always comes in and snuggles up to you. She was very worried for you for awhile because she thought you were either sick or dying but once you assured her that you were just always tired she was relieved. She still snuggles with you every time though because she wants to make sure you're okay

If anyone ever accuses you of being lazy or makes fun of you for it, best believe they'll have one pissed off Hashira and his three shinobi wives on them in a SECOND.

They are all very protective of you, 10/10 spouses that will love you for all your quirks and whatnot.

(can you tell i am a hardcore s i m p for these guys)

Rengoku Kyojuro

At first, this man was VERY worried.

He honestly thought you had an illness of some sort which terrified him to no end (since he lost his mother, he's so scared of losing someone else he loves)

He made you go get checked out by a doctor and everything just to be 100000% sure

Once that was done...well he still worried but not as much

Can and will lend you his haori for you to sleep in (it so warm and smells like him, so comforting and nice)

Since he's away for his work often, he'll leave you with his little brother to watch over you. Senjuro is someone he trusts more than anyone else (besides you of course) so he has no worries while he's away

Let's...just forget the comments Kyo's father had about you and your sleeping habits, yeah?

When he comes back from a job, you're the first person he goes to

Usually you're asleep but he doesn't mind, he'll still crawl in beside you and pull you close to him

You typically make this small noise of contentment and nuzzle into him, which he just... MELTS at

It's those moments with you he lives for

This guy loves with all of his heart, he would never ever ever let anything happen to you or hurt you.

Your sleeping habits are just another thing that make you, you. As long as you're physically healthy and mentally healthy, he's happy, too.

Though...if you're not well mentally, he is always there for you, if you need to talk or just need to be hugged and held. He wants you to know how loved you are, by both him and Senjuro

Kyo will also bring you tea each morning before he goes off to train. Bless his heart <3

All in all 11/10 king boyfriend / husband

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer x reader #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #demon slayer headcanons #kimetsu no yaiba headcanons #kyojuro rengoku #uzui tengen

[certifiedgryffindorsblog]

So, siblings and the bond they share is important, right? That's someone you share your blood with.

Well for some people being siblings is not that easy and that can be a problem in someone's life and the situation is worse for the people around those people with sibling problems.

There was an earthquake in my country and 10 cities were effected by it. It was a pretty big one and they say it was around 7.8 magnitude. My aunt's house is not harmed, but everything is broken and it's a pretty big mess in her house right now. And of course hers and her family's mental health was effected really badly because of the earthquake that happened at 4.17 am on 6th Feb. So they came here to stay with my grandparents. My family lives in the west side of Turkey and my aunt and her family live in the east side.

They have been staying with my grandparents for two months now and they're going back to their house tomorrow even though they were planning to stay for a few more months and I won't be able to see my aunt and my cousins ,whom I love more than anything, again for a really long time. probably. Because of what? Like I told you fights between siblings really have an impact on the people around them. My mom and my aunt fought really bad and now because of their childish act I probably just saw them for the last time in a really long time.

Their fight was childish they had to think more rationally and even if they do fight they shouldn't have made us children not see each other because of their pride and childishness.

But of course as the oldest cousin of them all their words and fight didn't stop me from seeing them. I took the kids for a day and showed them around the city and they say they didn't have this much fun in like forever. So I'm happy that I spent time with them today and made them happy before they went back.

But what broke my heart the most was the last hug and the last tears I shared with them. My littlest cousin is two years old and when I was hugging her and she was in my arms she didn't let go of me until the very last moment and when her mother -my aunt- took her from my arms she started crying. But I knew if I took her in my arms again I wouldn't be able to let go. And when I was hugging the oldest of my cousins (10) she was crying hard and when she hugged me I felt my bones break. We have a bond with her that no one in my family shares and she loves hanging out with me. It was just heart-breaking because we both knew we wouldn't be able to see each other for a long time. And the middle sibling just hugged me and kissed me goodbye. Even though he's only 7 he acts like a protective brother of us so he was really hard to say goodbye too.

I didn't want to say goodbye, alright? No one in my place would. But I had to because they couldn't stay. They couldn't stay because of the childish silly fight.

I have a little brother. He's 8 years younger than me. So I'm trying to be the best big sister he could ever have. It's hard but once you get that feeling of being his heroic big sister that feeling is worth everything to me.

So tonight I made a promise to myself. I will never ever let go of my brother's hand and always be there for him. Being siblings is really important and whatever happens whoever comes into your life your siblings never walk out. Siblings don't leave each other behind. Siblings have each other's backs and most importantly your older brother or sister. Sibling bond is one of the most important values in my life and I promise to myself that I will never leave my brother like my mom and my aunt. My aunt did some things that I really find selfish but she's my aunt and I love her. That's what my mother should have done too. But what's done is done now. We can't take anything back. I just hope that everything will go back to the way it was and they'll come back to spend more time, but that doesn't seem like it's gonna happen anytime soon.

Don't turn your backs on those you love guys. Don't do that to your loved ones or yourself.

#siblings #earthquake #fight #blog #love #family #lifelessons

[wetbloodworm]

while their story largely centers around their trauma and the sort of horror scenario they're in rn, one thing i want to note about cathan is that they are for the most part a hopeful person. elaborating under the cut

mostly, they wholeheartedly believe that the war is going to end with the Good Guys winning and that ariknott will get to experience peace again. they don't know what a world without war looks like and they don't know if it’ll happen in their lifetime, but they have faith that'll happen eventually. they have faith in mortals and they have faith in the gods. it’ll take work, though, and that's a big reason why cathan pours themself into fighting and defending. doing their part. wars don't end themselves.

when the attacks are so frequent and they haven't stopped for 50+ years it's easy to see them as inevitable, and cathan does to a degree, but they also see them as inevitable just for now. one of these fights will be the last, some day.

that hope is a big part of what keeps cathan going when things are bad, and boy they're bad now. cathan is doing Extremely Not Good but that doesn't change their outlook or their motivation to keep fighting for as long as they're needed. they refuse to let themself wallow in their despair because nothing's going to get done that way (and also because they're scared to feel their feelings but that's another matter lol). they may be hurting but they can still help, and if they help enough some day other people won't have to experience the same kind of hurt.

(the downside here is ofc that cathan uses what they see as their duty as an excuse to not stop and take care of themself emotionally/mentally. they're too busy, they have a war to win, they can't stop. they have to keep fighting.)

they're still processing the whole áedán situation rn and don't know if he'll come back, though they're bracing for the possibility, because they're hopeful but realistic. they'd like it if he stayed dead this time, but they're not gonna bet on that, and if he does show up again... well. cathan will do what they've always done and keep fighting. they'll keep fighting as long as they need to. and if they can't figure out how to make killing áedán stick, then they'll kill him however many times they need to, and one day when the war is over and/or nimdos is dead maybe he'll get to rest at that point. cathan isn't sure how it works, but there's SOME kind of solution out there. they'll figure it out. it'll be okay. eventually. it's okay that it hurts now, it'll be okay eventually, cathan's gonna fucking make sure.

this optimism of theirs was a big difference between them and áedán pre-houndening, also. both of them had the war constantly on their minds, though cathan was more obvious about it with their constant training and fighting, but where cathan had hope and determination, áedán fell more to fear and despair. war was all he knew, too, but he couldn't imagine things ever getting better. the good guys outnumbered the bad guys but they still couldn't stop them after half a century. none of their efforts seemed to matter. he was scared and in a perpetual state of waiting for the next attack not knowing if that's the one that'd kill him. in the end, this is what made him vulnerable to recruitment. things are going to be horrible forever and nothing matters, why NOT join the side that's got at least one win so he doesn't have to be scared anymore? he'll probably still die, but it'll feel like it's more on his terms, and maybe he can get more power to protect himself along the way. part of his final downfall was thinking he could reason with cathan and make them recognize their hope and altruism as fantasies that were just going to get them killed. he thought he could make them see the truth that felt so obvious to him.

he was, of course, Wrong, and cathan has continued to cling to their beliefs with both hands. this will be over someday. things will be better someday.

#cathan tag #dnd ariknauts #áedán tag

[vampirae]

𓆩 𔓕 𓆪 Capricorn rising and Scorpio rising may look similar and people tend to confuse them. I've noticed that both risings are attracted to black/darker tones. The type to be punk/goth/scene kid or having a dark academia/elegant yet mysterious look. Both are reserved, distant even cold, really mature "for their age" due to a difficult childhood or responsabilities.

𓆩 𔓕 𓆪 Gemini moons!!! They're so self-conscious about their problems and needs, they're not shallow with their emotions and they don't run from them, it's just that they have their own coping mechanisms which most people finds difficult to understand. In youth they could give in some self-destructive coping mechanisms (like cutting, anorexia etc )

𓆩 𔓕 𓆪 Sagittarius placements are such hypocrites sometimes, they're gonna whine and gaslight you when you face them with the consequences of their actions, like it's your fault and not of their impulsivity and momentary neurocognitive deficit. Particularly, sagittarius mars, moon and rising.

𓆩 𔓕 𓆪 Have you ever simped really hard for an anime character? Well, probably they had their sun opposite your venus sign.

𓆩 𔓕 𓆪 Talking about simps, Leo placements + Libra moon/mars tend to be way too devoted and worship their lover. The one who sees no fault or forgive so much shit. You can even cheat on them and they'll try to find the fault in them. They can be so obsessive and codependent.

𓆩 𔓕 𓆪 Water rising + water/earth rising couples ..damn so toxic but yay we luv it, suffering. Emotional codependency, emotional manipulation, traumatizing each other, obsession, neediness, butttt they last!! The type of couple that you won't bet neither 5 cents that they will last and yet, it's already years that they're being consumed by eachother.

𓆩 𔓕 𓆪 Gemini venus.. it's something already said/known but yeah, a lot of em are cheaters, like it's funny to them to have control and play so many roles fluidly. But they don't have always time or the will to, but all of them, deep down knows that they can do it if only they'd wished to.

𓆩 𔓕 𓆪 Fire moon men tend to like to let their hair grow, like they had pretty long hair at some point of their life.

𓆩 𔓕 𓆪 Cancer mars men really like tiddies!!! They're not necessarily into big boobies, but they like nice boobs, they like to touch em, suck on em even during sex, also they like to see tiddies out during sex (so no t-shirt sex).

𓆩 𔓕 𓆪 Also ... they really like to cum in ..it doesn't matter the hole tbh. Also the type of man with whom you can have period sex .. because finally they can cum in (weirdly enough they're pretty knowledgeable about women's cycle and body...even about pregnancy..if they're hetero obviously). Puts his partner pleasure first as every water mars sign.

𓆩 𔓕 𓆪 Earth/Water mars have a such libido, like this hoes are always trying to procreate in your pants. The type to whine with their partner if they don't have sex. That's because sex equals to love, both elements in mars tend to be shy about their feelings, and they like and love to show their love trough physical touch and physical pleasure. So a rejection of sexual advances or lack of sex in a relationship may be really detrimental, even to their mental health.

𓆩 𔓕 𓆪 On the other side, I've noticed that air mars tend to be on the asexual spectrum. They may dislike the idea of sex, having sex, or they're fine with once per week (unless they're in a horny phase).

#astrology notes #astrology #astrology observations #capricorn rising #gemini moon #sagittarius mars #sagittarius moon #sagittarius rising #sun opposite venus #libra moon #libra mars #leo #leo moon #leo venus #leo mars #gemini venus #aries moon #scorpio rising #pisces rising #cancer rising #virgo rising #taurus rising #cancer mars #capricorn mars #scorpio mars #pisces mars #virgo mars #taurus mars #gemini mars #aquarius mars

[ivesambrose]

Let your instincts be your guide here,

Pick a gif and see what's in the bag 🧡

To book a personal reading with me DM or email me at [email protected]

Fall flavored readings 🐈‍⬛

1.

2.

3.

4.

1.

Treats

A time out. Being able to connect and re-connect with your soul / spirit / ancestors or a talent you swooped under the rug. A time to learn, un - learn and re - learn. To improve and trust your instincts a little more.

In your solitude you'll find your solution. A shift in your financial situation. The resources that you once felt you had to hold on tightly to do it doesn't run out? They'll be growing after this full moon and as scorpio season commences. Tip: Gratitude grows.

An end to a long standing mental turmoil. It will go suddenly, you'll go to sleep exhausted then wake up the next day, quiet. The day after, you'll start seeing renewal, your world won't seem to lack so much color like it once did.

Trick

Watch out for the kind of solitude that turns into stagnation or your new found love for something become a momentary hyper fixation that leads to a burn out. Consistency is indeed key but you'd need some sun, fresh air and playfulness once in a while. Physically, watch out for soreness and fatigue. Move around a bit. After all, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

2.

Treats

A movement towards success and stability and an unexpected celebration. Whoever you pray to, has heard you. You can finally breathe now. Dry your tears. Don't save them for another day.

Someone seeks to connect with you a little deeper, they'd compete if they have to, just to show their devotion to you. They're full of love, so full it hurts. So they'd rather share it with you. A balance, you see. For others, this is a new romance after all the not so fulfilling and rather taxing and detrimental connections you've had. Stay open, you know this is the better choice and if romance isn't what you seek, seize the newfound lust for life you thought you'd always have to fight tooth and nail for, but now is given to you as a gift or better yet, claim both if you dare.

Financial gain. Reward. A surplus. How? I'm not sure. A sale? Someone very generous. The right investments that pay off in the long run. A happy home. A sudden liking for warm spicy foods it seems. It might be getting close to winter but your heart feels warmer than ever. Things get smoother by sagittarius season.

Trick

Don't emotionally overwhelm yourself with the options in front of you. I see you're excited by one too many things. There's time for it. This should be effortless. Don't let too many minds fog your vision as well. Now that you have your forewarning, you can navigate better.

3.

Treats

No more losing sleep and having a tsunami of emotions, doubt and possible guilt hit you late at night. No more. You can splash some nice cool running water over your face now.

You're gonna outsmart someone or something will end that will bring about a change. You'll regain what you had once lost. Something will break away when you least expect it. You may have a good cry first and suddenly the way ahead feels clearer than ever. It all happened so sudden and so soon, but it was worth it.

A wake up call. A sudden progress. Someone that brings out a side of you that no one ever has and no one ever could. A clarity. God damn, a clarity for once. Is this even a treat you wonder? It'll all make sense 9 months from now.

Trick

It's time to take the blindfold off. You know things but you refrain from seeing them and you get scared of seeking them. Stop blocking your own path.

4.

Treats

The worst is over. You've weeded out the good ones from the rotten ones. You thought solace got whipped away from your life and now you have all this new information and circumstances to deal with. It's your first step towards harmony and compassion. Not just from within yourself but also from others.

To some, I see music being your guide. Lyrics, words, notes. Music will connect you to something or someone / some people. There is a lot and lot of healing. Healing may not look pretty at first. Why should it? Hurt isn't pretty either yet romanticized so much. There's coldness on your heart you either believe or you fear, maybe bit of both. It's time to make peace with it.

Connecting with your inner child, feeling young / youthful. Feeling more confident and being a little more vocal. Sudden luck, sudden blessings. A smile on your face when no one's watching that's what I'm seeing.

Trick

Don't undermine your intuition when you find yourself in a conflict. In simpler words, if they aren't passing your vibe check, no matter how charming, calm and persuasive they seem, you're highly likely right. There will be people or a friend group that may cause you stress. Keep your peace and draw a line immediately. P. S no, alcohol is not THE solution. Stay away from petty fights.

#tarot community #free readings #divination community #Pick a card #Pick a gif #pick a picture #PAC

[twstedtales]

Hello there Athy and nice to meet ya!

I read the rules carefully and i hope i did not make a mistake.

Also may i have a request of Malleus, Idia, Leona and Azula (seperate) with a darling fem! s/o who love giving le boys some affection or comfort, if the boys have problems or recall their sad past they will listen what they're saying which is they understand em what they felt and give em some love and comfort.

And s/o been like they'll be right by their side and wont leave em.

Ps: i hope it wasnt too much, feel free to ignore! you have le right to decline if my request is wrong ^^

Oooh, nice to meet you too! And another sweet request, huh 👀 don't worry, anon-chan, you did it right ^^ this also contains spoilers for both Leona and Azul's backstory, but since we don't know anything about Malleus and Idia yet, I write them a little vague! I hope you don't mind. 

By the way, I was listening to this song [Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You] when writing this. It would be perfect background music and inspiration ^^

Pairings :: Malleus, Idia, Leona, Azul × Female Reader

TW :: none!

𝖒𝖎𝖗𝖗𝖔𝖗, 𝖒𝖎𝖗𝖗𝖔𝖗 𝖔𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖜𝖆𝖑𝖑 ...

Malleus doesn't have much experience in interpersonal relationships with humans, let alone hold a romantic one. He will be a little clumsy here and there so he'll love it when you teach him things so that he could learn more about how to take care of you. To return what you had given him and more. How sweet.

Malleus loved it when you were sweet to him, taking care of him like he was a vulnerable child even though he was positively way older than you are. He would undoubtedly use what you teach him against you though, so I advise to be careful. 

At first, he lets you treat him like a kid just because he found it amusing and stuff. But as the time passed by, he found himself wishing you would do it all the time. Of course that would be impossible, but that doesn't mean he has to like it.

Like he would find his mood tad a bit more irritable the moment you were gone, and he would find himself idly musing how nice it would feel like the next time he held you in his arms again. Or vice versa, really. He doesn't mind being the little spoon as well. So long you were comfortable with it. More than welcome, in fact.

At times where his past come haunting him down were the times that he likes you to be next to him. You would happily provide him the emotional and mental stability and assurance, and repeatedly tell him that he should be aware now that nothing can change your love for him, even if it was Malleus himself. And during those times as well that he tells you that he has no plans of ever letting you go anyway.

"I'm afraid I shall cut off all your escape if you do find a way to break free from me...and return you to my arms once again."

Idia doesn't quite know how to act towards you, and your rather affectionate self. You were like one of those SSR protagonists in the otome games he plays, one that belongs to a band of cool characters and goes on misadventures and fun stuff. 

How in the name of the Underworld King you ever saw in him and loved him is already beyond his mortal comprehension. The first time you confessed, Idia almost told you how terrible your taste in men was with a beet red face. Although he couldn't admit even to himself how glad he was that you chose him of all people. He would keep that down to him in his grave no matter what.

The first time you told him you wanted to cuddle with him, Idia almost short-circuited and ran away from you. He knew you two were in a relationship, but please give him time to adjust! It would probably take months before he becomes comfortable holding your hands and you kissing his cheeks without trembling and fainting in embarrassment. But at least he was improving, no?

As time passes, Idia would get used to your random bursts of sweetness. Although the swaying red tips of his blue hair says that he was still a little shy returning your affections. During these times he would finally muster up the courage to at least initiate cuddling and holding hands. 

Although you told him that he need not to improve anything to himself because you loved him the way he was. And no matter how much he hated himself and secluded himself, you would continue to hold him as he was, and love him without a doubt. That would probably the turning point in your relationship, because Idia will finally let you in completely.

"B-But maybe that's why I'm perfectly satisfied being the foolish man who's completely at your mercy...even if you're a normie..."

Like Idia, you have to have the patience of a saint when dealing with Leona. He will act like a grumpy cat to you at first if you were giving much attention to others instead of him.

This was due to the fact that he was always categorised as the "second" and never been the first. Deep down, he was afraid that you would discard him like others and lose you. That one day, you will realise that he was good for nothing and find someone better than him.

This is where you have to come in. Because Leona, despite all the negative thoughts plaguing his mind, would never spoke of them to you. You have to tolerate him keeping his thoughts away from you, Leona won't budge on that. So, its either you use someone else's Unique Magic to force him to speak the truth to you, you have to be good at the guessing game or reading him, or you'll annoy him to no need until he gives up.

Either way, as time passes and you deepened your relationship with him, Leona would most likely be grumpily vocal at how he wants things to be. Like how he wanted you to arrive at this time of the day to cuddle or nap, how you should wear fluffy clothes so when he placed his head on you, it'll be comfortable. Or how he secretly loves it when you patted and petted his sensitive areas. Leona won't vocally express his satisfaction with this, but instead, you will hear his silent purrs and contented sighs.

During times of him recalling his past, make sure to reassure him that he's the best, maybe not for the world, but for you, for Ruggie, for Jack, for the whole Savanaclaw. He loves it when you silently whisper reassuring words during the cold night and listen to his apparent "greatness" as you cuddle him to sleep.

"With how things are going before, I didn't expect to be given anything at all, but the world just went ahead and gave everything I ever wanted..."

At the beginning of your relationship, Azul would likely be a little stiff and seemingly slightly distant to you. But that's only because he doesn't have much experience in handling relationships, especially when it comes to romance. He would be a little clumsy here and there, but with enough guidance from you, he'll be in no time get accustomed to it.

I think Azul is likely the type to not admit that he likes your affections and attention on him. This is due to the trauma he had experienced when he was young; when people make fun of him. And even though he knew himself that you were much different than his bullies, and very much kinder than them of course, he can still shake off the feeling that one day, you would get tired of him and dump him alone.

During these times, he wordlessly expected you to catch on what he had been feeling. He always loved it when you gently soothe those haunting thoughts that keeps him awake at night, shaking. Azul would bury his face on your neck or chest for warmth and comfort as you would whisper sweet nothings to him, promising to never leave him and never stop loving him. 

It was only then he could show his vulnerable side to you without the hesitation and fear of being brushed aside. As much as he was good with words and persuasion, he would always be seeking for comfort and reassurance from you during the days where his past comes haunting him down, or during the sudden recollection of his ungainly rampage. 

Also, Azul can be emotionally volatile and unstable as well. It would help him if you would patiently wait for him to calm down by rubbing his back and telling him that he did great, and he doesn't always need the validation of other people in order to feel accepted. That you would always stay by his side as long as he needs you to be.

"What's up with you?! Just how happy do you intend to keep making me before you're finally satisfied that you've done enough?"

#twst #twisted wonderland #azul ashengrotto x reader #malleus draconia x reader #idia shroud x reader #leona kingscholar x reader #azul ashengrotto #idia shroud #leona kingscholar #malleus draconia #diasomnia #octavinelle #ignihyde #savanaclaw #mirror mirror on the wall #female reader #spilled ink

[zephycluster]

Precolonial HWS SEA Rant Post, feel free to ignore

If you're still reading, then you're probably looking for evidence or some juicy tidbits to throw back at me or to try and find dirt to cancel me, like typical Tumblr/Twitter. Go ahead, I don't really care.

First off, let me just say that If you like Precolonial South-East Asia AUs, feel free to keep enjoying them. I will respectfully support your passions from afar. This post is just to explain why I don't like it, especially the way they keep insisting/portraying PH in it.

Still here? Then let me begin.

Since the recent confirmation that the ASEAN Six Majors (Can't really say ASEAN 10 atm since it's still missing some people) Were completed and the Ma-Phil-Indo Trio was included, there has been a large surge in 'Precolonial' fanarts and portrayals of South East Asians, those three especially.

Even long, long before, circa 2010's ish, a rather well-known fan universe known as 'Maaf' dealt with their story and how their Author thought their intertwined histories went. Written by (my best guesstimate) an Indonesian writer who wants to explore the old, SEA bond.

When I first stumbled across Maaf (I was in Highschool at the time, around age 16-ish), I took a casual interest in it and tried to read it through. But, I will wholeheartedly admit that at the time, Pre-Colonial cultures of South-East Asia in general, let alone Philippine, did not really interest me that much. The focus (I think) was mostly on Indonesia, a country I didn't really know back then, and the liberal use of 'ancient' names and artwork just made it feel like an entirely Original Work (that needed a degree in History to really appreciate) and not something from Hetalia. I also completely disagreed with what I could gather was the story's portrayal of PH but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Do I hate 'Maaf'? No, I don't hate it. Do I wish I never came across it or that it didn't exist? Of course not. Just because I didn't enjoy it or appreciate it that well doesn't mean I wish any ill toward it, its fans, or its creator.

Fast forward to April 2021, the long awaited inclusion of South East Asia to the canon Hetalia verse. I was happy, the other fans were happy, all was good.

Then started the questionable fanarts, fan theories and fan pairings.

Especially the expansion of Precolonial! PH.

Let's go back to Maaf for one moment. From what I understood of Maaf, PH there was a character who once was like all the other South East Asian cultures, trading with them, all around being a nice family.

But all that changed when the Spaniards attacked, so cry the precolonial buffs. They destroyed everything, ransacked and marginalized the tribes, erased everything that PH was!

Did that happen? ABSOLUTELY. The Spaniards had this vision in mind that they must spread Christianity to all of the 'savage, unchristian heathens' of their realm. :V /s

But back up a second, back to PH's portrayal in Maaf. The way she (yeah, she) was portrayed there was that she was slowly losing her memories of being a 'true' South East Asian and grew more and more westernized in the process, like some sort of Culture-specific Alzheimer's or something.

Firstly, that is seriously depressing, and secondly, I just really don't see that happening.

Here's why.

Point 1: Even before Colonial Masters, Filipinos as a people cannot agree on anything.

I'll just begin this segment with a Philippine proverb that outlines what Filipinos call 'Crab Mentality' or 'Crab Bucket Mentality'.

"You don't need a lid for a container when you're keeping multiple crabs. If you keep at least two crabs together, they will just pull each other down instead of helping each other up."

I don't know how it goes with Indonesian or Malaysian history class, but what I know of my homeland, both pre- and post-colonial history, we were never really 'united' or 'together' in the sense that Indonesia and Malaysia were (from what I assume).

Let me pull up a somewhat related question on r/AskHistorians.

The reason I brought this up as it shows the reasons why, in my opinion, a single entity that is 'Precolonial Philippines-tan' is an impossibility.

The answers are long and would extend this already long post to stupid proportions, so I'll just quote relevant sentences. The link is here for those that wanna deep-dive into the answer.

"All this to say that there wasn't a name used for the entire Philippine islands before the Philippines that people now would agree to. An interesting comparison would be the Holy Roman Empire, which might also be characterized as disparate politico-geographic groups of relatively small size that had a history of relations between each other, but one thing they had that the Philippines did not was a common language, or at least a family of mostly mutually intelligible languages, so that the name Deutschland or Germany isn't terribly offensive to anyone. If you called the Philippines the 'Lupang-Tagalog' or even 'Lupang-Tao' the other ethnic groups would protest."

For those in need of translation, 'Lupang Tagalog' means 'Land of the Tagalogs' and 'Lupang Tao' means 'Land of People', specifically. The first one is already exclusive and offensive, as the Tagalog peoples are but one of many ethnicities here.

And for the 'Lupang Tagalog' suggestion specifically, it's even more offensive as they are the majority ethnicity (not by much, just around 28%) From this chart from Geography Now! It would basically be alienating everyone else in the 72% remainder that isn't 'Tagalog'.

And even 'Lupang Tao', the most generic name in a local language you can think of, would be met with contempt because the name itself is in the Tagalog language.

Just travelling between two individual island groups today would sometimes require a translator because the words can change very rapidly and very drastically. Here's a sample of some differences coming from a friend living in Visayas (in Red) vs. the words I know living in Luzon (In blue).

Ate vs. Manang = Older Sister

Ibon vs. Pispis = Bird

Tumawa vs. Kadlaw = To laugh

Takot vs. Hadlok = Fear

Kain vs. Kaon = To eat

Ngayon vs. Subong = Now, at this point in time

Iyak vs. Hibi/Gibi = to cry

Talampakan vs. Tiil = Foot (in Tagalog, the word retains its 'body part AND unit of measurement' meaning)

Tulog vs. Tuyo = to sleep (Tuyo in Tagalog is either a dried salted fish or 'to dry')

The kicker is that just like Tagalog is just one of many languages here, so too is the language my friend speaks. Ask an entirely new person, like someone from Mindanao, they'll probably have an entirely new set of words.

It's not just Luzon vs. Visayas vs. Mindanao, either. Here's a map listing some of the ethnic groups here.

Even the way they're written differs from location to location.

While we're on the subject of Island divisions, a casual skim across Twitter and Tumblr has shown that their Precolonial PH has been one of the following ancient civilizations: Tondo, Butuan, Sugbu, Namayan. There may have been others but that was what I have found.

Notice how even today, the posters of Precolonial PH can't seem to agree on what he's supposed to be? With Indonesia it's either Majapahit or Srivijaya and Malaysia it's usually Malacca iirc.

What is the big deal? Well, let's go back to the Ask Historians post. "Why didn't the Philippines ever change its name to remove the colonial mark that being named after a Spanish King has?" The answer: "If you suggested something dating to precolonial times, the other ethnic groups would protest."

Since we're on a roll with maps, let me bring this up.

As you can see, the precolonial PH posts have a reason to not be able to agree on one thing, as there is a LOT of options. Do you also see how THAT list is also split up?

It's split up into those aligned with China (Sinified), aligned with India (Indianized), aligned with the Middle East (Islamicized), and no alignment (Animist). Now, let's go back to the main suggestions for which Kingdom/Polity/Civilization/whatever Modern Philippines used to be.

If the Filipino peoples' couldn't agree on something as simple as WHAT TO CALL THE LAND THEY'RE LIVING ON, what more a living, breathing, walking, talking entity that is supposed to be a beacon of all of their 'unified' culture? ESPECIALLY if that entity used to be a currently existing Kingdom/Polity/Rajahnate/Sultanate/whatever.

Tondo? "Of course, always the damn Tagalogs. Tagalog this, Tagalog that. First the capital city, then the language,* THE REST OF US EXIST, YOU KNOW! What about us in Visayas? Mindanao?"

*The national language known as 'Filipino' is just standardized Tagalog*

Butuan? "Wait, you want Butuan to represent us? They're they only Indian-aligned city in the Islam-majority Mindanao! They're not even that many of them! I'm not gonna change my religion!"

Sugbu, the other name for the Rajahnate of Cebu on the map? Lemme bring back my Visayan friend again. According to her, she hails from the Hiligaynon part of Visayas.

"Sure :v and the other islands are what?

Chopped liver?

Not to mention the language and writing barrier helloooo"

And Namayan? Well. I'll let this pic speak for itself.

To summarize, no matter who you pick as Modern PH's previous identity, it will not end well nor be accepted by the other Kingdoms at the time.

"So where does that leave Modern PH, he had to have been ONE of them, right?"

Well, not really. He doesn't HAVE to be one of the Ancient Kingdoms that lasted till the modern day. I mean, predecessor representatives exist in Hetalia canon, after all. Like Modern Greece is a different character from Ancient Greece, Ancient Egypt and Modern Egypt, heck even England and his brothers have a canon mother that was the rep before them.

Or you could even use the same logic that Germany does, in that each specific region has/had its own representative and that Modern!PH is just the 'mediator' between them (cause gawd does PH need one). There could be a Tondo, a Namayan, a Butuan, and a Sugbu, all arguing and this Proto-PH is just trying to make headway in making them all satisfied.

But, even after all this, there is another reason why I personally don't subscribe to the 'Precolonial PH' idea, and by tangential extension, the Indo x Phil pairing.

Point 2: Even without intending to, Precolonial Indo x Phil just comes off as patronizing

This second point is just ENTIRELY personal preference and barely has any facts to back it up.

Again, if you like the pairing and disagree with me, You do you. I will respectfully support you and your passions from a distance.

But for me, Indo being Phil's seme/bae/boyfriend and consistently bringing up precolonial times just comes off as patronizing.

Just one more time, I'd like to point out that I am NOT bashing Indonesia, its people or the subscribers of Indo x Phil. This is just how the pairing feels to ME specifically.

The way I see it, Indo x Phil as a pairing, especially if it extends back into precolonial times, reads the same way as a long-since married couple where the husband/wife CONSTANTLY brings up that ONE outing you had together, or that ONE prom night where you kissed while dancing, even it happened like 30 some-odd years ago and so much more happened since then.

Even in a platonic sense, It reads like two besties where one ALWAYS mentions stuff like 'Yeah but you looked so much cooler back in High School' or 'Back in Grade School you would've known that', or 'Remember back in Pre-school we did X? How could you forget that?'

How does one respond to the notion that no matter what you do now, it will never compare to a past you've already forgotten or barely remember? That the best version of 'you' is already long gone?

"That's because the westerners made you forget your culture! You gotta take it back!"

While it is true, yes, as a collective we barely remember the Kingdom that commissioned the Laguna Copperplate, or created the Banaue Rice Terraces, or created the millennia old bonds that we still share with Indonesia and Malaysia.

But to keep pushing the precolonial identity would be to neglect and cast aside the one REAL binding belief and culture that spans the entirety of these islands we call the Philippines.

We take on all the bad stuff that happens to us, conquer it, and make it our own. Be it natural disasters, foreign powers, or negative stereotypical mentalities.

Yes, we've forgotten the ancient kingdoms of old and are just now digging through the closet for those remnants of the past. Yes, the colonizers imposed that on us, and made us forget. But in the process we've also taken everything that they left behind, everything that they threw at us, and created something that can only come from us.

The lanterns that the Spaniards used to light the way to the morning masses they made us attend became our globally known symbol of Christmas. The junked vehicles that the Americans left behind in World War 2 are now rolling works of art that announce themselves loud and proud on the streets (for better or for worse). The iced dessert recipe that the Japanese forced us to learn while they were occupying the country is now so distinct and famous it is synonymous with us, and is so delicious even Italy has taken notice.

Even after all this? Even after all the 425-ish years total we have been under a foreign power, with all the progress we've made as a country, a people, and a nation, you would still imply our fragmented, jigsaw puzzle state of being in the past was better just because it was pure 'South East Asian' like everyone else?

We might not be as well put-together as Indonesia or Malaysia, but we made this melting pot of angry, leg-pulling, dogpiling, Native, Mestizo, Chinoy, and Fil-Am crabs OURS, damnit!

It's now 4:30 AM and I have work in 5 or so hours. I'll be going to sleep now.

#hws #hws philippines #precolonial philippines #hws theory #hetalia #hetalia world stars #hetalia world series #hetalia headcanons #aph #axis powers hetalia #aph philippines #hetalia philippines #aph hetalia

[summonerscenarios]

[1] OKAY anon talking about Mc running off before they find out they're innocent. Okay Mc just wanted to cool down so they skip class and leave campus for the day for self care. BUT THEN they get caught up in app conflict bs like they do when game events happen bc its mc. Maybe helping out the outlaws or somethin- Mc sends the summoner group chat the fyi, that they'll be back. But three days later and the teachers are fucking panicking bc of the situation and they don't know shit AND now the-

OKAY ONCE AGAIN I’M GOING A LIL OFF ON THIS BECAUSE THIS IDEA IS JUST 👌👌👌👌👌 so as you can probably tell in some parts I definitely rambled lmao. I do hope I do it justice~!

And for anyone wondering the original request can be found here!

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Things had gotten too much. You were so fed up with all the stares, all the sympathetic glances burning holes into the back of your head and all of the whispered words of gossip and speculation like you were some hot topic or reckless wild child who couldn’t be trusted. Everyone was acting like you couldn’t see or hear them, which somehow just made it feel even worse; it was driving you up the wall, even with all of your friends standing by your side the moment you were accused it was hard to ignore everything that came with it. You were pissed, hurt, but the betrayal stung the worst out of everything that had happened so far - you’d put your complete trust in your teachers, looking up to them oh so confident that they’d believe and protect you should the need ever arise, because you genuinely believed that they saw the best in you, even in spite of your faults and encounter track record. You guess that just wasn’t the case though, as that encounter in the staff room still makes you feel sick to your stomach, thinking about the way those same teachers you trusted looked at you with pity and still deemed you guilty of something you so viciously denied. 

They still look at you with pity - Mr. Triton and Mr. Jinn don’t even try to hide it, maybe not even realizing that you’re looking at their expressions when they’d tried to start up a conversation with you. It frustrates you, because it feels like they have no right to pity you when they were the ones there in that meeting and they didn’t try to vouch for you. They didn’t even listen when you told them you were innocent! Surely they have enough faith in you to believe in you, right?!...right? Whatever the case the whole situation has you dreading coming into school everyday, and as the days pass you’re more and more convinced that things would be better if you could just get out of going at all - there’s plenty of other things you could be doing where you wouldn’t have eyes watching your every move, nor the weight that comes with them.

You don’t know if it’s luck or sheer irony that the teacher responsible for picking you up from class is late one day, but it’s the final nail in the coffin before you decide ‘fuck it, I’m out of here’ and skip class. For the past few days you’d felt pinned, suffocated with eyes constantly on you from the moment you step onto school grounds to the moment you’re out of sight, which makes it oddly freeing to be able to run around without those disapproving gazes - but you don’t want to waste time and risk getting caught, not when you’re so close to skipping and being free for at least a single day. Consequences be damned, you don’t care anymore. Even though everything is still weighing heavy on your mind stepping out of the grounds feels...liberating, and you only dare a glance back once you’re out of the school gates, catching sight of students still in their classroom completely oblivious that you’ve disappeared from their ranks. Telling the teachers where you were going was the last thing on your mind, but you at least have the foresight to send a message to the Summoner’s group chat before you turn off your phone and bolt from the premises, letting them know that you were going out for a day to clear your head. 

It was only supposed to be that one day, you swear, but things have never really had a penchant for going your way. If you had stayed just a few hours longer you’d have learned about the person clearing your name; you’d have seen the teachers’ mad dash through the school when they’d realized you weren’t in any of your classes; you’d have watched the outroar as the Summoner’s learned of the truth in your stead. But you’d missed it all, and spent the day wandering anywhere and everywhere instead - wherever you could go where you wouldn’t risk running into any faculty you went, stewing in thoughts and trying to forget just about everything that had happened for as long as you could before you were inevitably brought back to the school. 

Only that didn’t happen; you were able to crash at a friend’s house on the first night, called in a favor with a nearby guild for a place to sleep on the second night, and the hours in between were spent either wandering or getting dragged into fights - how ironic that even now you couldn’t avoid getting involved in other people’s problems even if you tried - it was seriously getting old. In the meantime, the Summoners are the only ones who get word about what’s happening, but even then you keep it vague so that you don’t worry them, not to mention you don’t want them to needlessly lie if they get questioned by the teachers concerning your whereabouts. Which is exactly what happens; the teachers are all worrying themselves sick by the time the third day rolls around without hide or hair of you, and it’s clear that there’s regrets voer what had transpired over the whole week. Jinn’s rolling your last encounter over and over in his head, wondering if there was something that he could have said that would have made you decide to stay put - maybe letting you know you had someone on your side - but the what-ifs won’t change the fact that you left. Triton’s still cursing how long it took for the news of your innocence to come to life, the thought of how you must have felt being looked at with such suspicion making guilt crawl up his spine and settle in his mind. And Mononobe doesn’t stop looking for you for a second - even if you scream at him or scold him or ignore him completely he needs to see that you’re okay and doesn’t want your last conversation with him being left on such bad terms. One thing is for certain though; they need to find you, and soon.

Things finally come to a head on the third day. Usually during after school hours you’d try to make yourself scarce in the area, but this time you weren’t so lucky. All too quickly you’re dragged into a spat with someone itching to boost their ego with an app battle, and though it was clear they’re all bark and no bite it’s tedious and you want it over with quickly. You just wish it was that simple, as the moment you ready your sacred artifact, watching your opponents prep to set up a battle zone, two figures block your view, standing almost protectively in front of you as they activate their respective sacred artifacts. You don’t even have to see them to recognize them - Mr. Triton and Mr. Jinn are both loud as they declare their presence, stepping into the fight in your stead. Before this week you would have laughed seeing the two of them standing side by side talking big about protecting you; but now? You feel your heart sink into your stomach - this could not have been the worse time to see them.

Mercifully, the battle staves off the inevitable conversation for a little while longer, as the three of you have to focus back on the fight at hand; your teachers are skilled, or at least driven by something to end the battle, and you aren’t willing to play around just to avoid what comes next, so it isn’t long before the person who challenged you and his friends to all back off, releasing the battle zone as they flee back into the crowds to nurse their mental wounds. You almost want to disappear into those crowds with them before you can get caught again, however the moment you turn you’re immediately accosted by Jinn and Triton, the two teachers fighting over each other to get the most concerned word in - where have you been? Why did you run away? Are you hurt?! Their concern is sincere, you can tell as much from their faces since hiding their emotions isn’t exactly their strong suit. And right over their shoulders you can see Mr. Mononobe too as he approaches to join the three of you, having not been involved in the battle zone for obvious reasons; but the sight of all three of them in the same place reminds you so much of that day you’d been accused and the emotions burn in your throat like poison.

There’s venom laced in your tone as you ask them why they stepped in, effectively silencing the two teachers as they share a brief glance and answer simultaneously. Hearing them talk about teachers protecting their students you have to bite your tongue because surely they know how hypocritical that sounds, right? But they keep talking, rambling on about making sure you’re safe and protecting you when you need it and it’s like a trigger, sending everything frothing to the surface. You laugh, bitter and sarcastic before asking if they’re serious - they've gotta be kidding - but you don’t even give them a chance to respond before your words claw their way out into the open and you just about lose it.

You don’t care about mincing your words as you practically bare your soul, everything that’s been welling up finally boiling over. You yell and scream and shout until your voice is hoarse because you’re so pissed that they have the audacity to talk about protecting you when they couldn’t even protect you from those accusations, from all those people thinking you destroyed something just because you could. They have no fucking right to even consider themselves your protectors when they looked at you with those same eyes full of pity, now turned to guilt in light of the truth that had come far too late, and you’re gonna make damn well that they know that you aren’t someone to be pitied - you’re vindicated, seething, and feeling so betrayed by the few adults that you were so sure that you could trust. But that trust was shattered - and that’s exactly why you left, because why would you want to be surrounded by people who couldn’t trust you?!

The emotion behind your voice is raw, and Jinn, Triton and even Mononobe seem to be at a loss for words - no words of reassurance, no advice, no words of wisdom - and that just twisted the knife in deeper when you’re met with no resistance whatsoever. You honestly don’t know what you expected - some kind of fight or rebuttal would justify these feelings that you have - but when you receive nothing of the sort in response you lose the wind in your sails and you choke on your shouts. Your words fail you, turning into sputtering and sharp gasps when you finally buckle and sink to your knees, wiping uselessly at your face as your eyes burn with the sting of tears - a feeling you’ve gotten so familiar with this past week it makes you loathe the feeling. If you could you’d still be yelling, but you just can’t bring yourself to do it - you’re tired, whittled down to your bare bones and you don’t even have the energy to be angry or care that you’re having what you’re pretty sure is a breakdown that wasn’t in the safety of your dorm room. You want to just curl up and disappear - just for a few days, that would be okay, right? Just until you can feel something in your chest that didn’t hurt like hell. The Summoners would understand, you think, they always did - they’d trusted you at least, when it felt like most didn’t. Why could they have been the ones to swoop in and help you? It’s a silly thought, but you feel like you at least wouldn’t be bawling like you are now if it had been them instead of the teachers; you can just imagine how they must be watching you cry in front of them.

Damn, this whole thing really was just a mess....

A hand touches your arm and another touches your back - you’d kick away if you could, but it’s like the touch saps you of all of your energy. Those hands have no right to be so warm, no right to feel so comforting, and yet they are and you want to cry all over again. You have no idea which teacher is the one who helps you to your feet as all three surround you with growing concern once your sobs filter off into broken sniffles, gaze torn between screwing shut to avoid looking at any of their faces and staring right at them so they can see all the emotions in your eyes that your words have failed to convey. When they talk about bringing you somewhere safe, back to the dorms or to the school to discuss everything that had happened, you’re in the right mind to run away all over again, but you can’t bring yourself to do it. Instead, you allow those hands on your back and shoulder and arm to guide your steps, ignoring the concern and grave expressions that the teachers share as the reality of what’s just transpired sets in. You don’t know what’s coming next, but you honestly don’t think you care anymore - all you can think about is how tired you are of everything, and this was apparently the last straw that you could handle.

#mechanicaltrickster #housamo #housamo imagine #housamo headcanon #headcanons #imagines #tokyo afterschool summoners #mr triton #triton #housamo triton #mr jinn #jinn #housamo jinn #mr mononobe #kyouma mononobe #kyoma mononobe #housamo mononobe #request #ask

[one-abuse-survivor]

before i start, thank you so much for doing what you do;this blog has given me good advice countless times and i really have to thank you for that.

my issues with my parents are that they don't take me seriously. i can literally go up to them and say: "mom/dad, i think i might be autistic or have ADHD (both would be quite likely) can i get that checked out" and list a bunch of examples why i think that and they'll just be "nah, that can't be, you don't seem like that at all" as of i didn't break my mind over it researching it and talking to people who have it to see if we've had similar experiences just to get some kind of reference as to why i feel the way i feel and why i struggle so much with things that so many other people find so easy.

but then, in the following weeks and months (after talking w them) they just randomly point out things about me that kinda annoy them, like me talking out of turn a LOT or me not looking at people or me having trouble focusing if there isn't also music and a movie going at the same time or mom saying that i seem hyperactive to her because i'm always moving my legs or pacing around or rubbing my hands or drumming on the table with pens. things like that (plus a lot more) were the exact things i was telling them about and they just put it off like it's nothing but as soon as it affects and annoys them it's suddenly very real. at this point i'm struggling to talk to my parents about anything even remotely more serious than generic smalltalk and i'm having a hard time believing myself that my struggles are in fact real and i'm not just making them up.

and also on a less related note; the thing i hate most about my parents: if i'm wearing headphones and couldn't understand what a parent was yelling from somewhere else in the house then it's my fault. but if it's the exact same situation but i'm the one calling and they couldn't hear me, then it's obviously my fault too (i kinda get the first one but srsly how could i not wear headphones when they're constantly arguing with my brother in the room next to mine) (either way if one of the scenarios is clearly my fault, then the other shld be clearly their fault bc that's how logic works)

hhhh, this got quite long. i would love to hear your thoughts about this

a continuation from the other ask about my parents not taking me seriously even when i ask them for help with my hardest problems. that ask didn't really go in the direction i had planned but there is so much going on between my parents and me that i really need to talk to someone about

background: i'm around 15-16 rn and have a brother who's 18. primary school was academically very easy for me (lots and lots of great and even perfect grades) but my brother didn't have it as easy (lots and lots of mediocre and meh grades) so my parents really just kinda let me do my thing while they were constantly busy with my brother. so i got really independant and did all of my stuff on my own bc a) i always had done it that way and b) my parents were already busy and stressed. but after my brother got his first computer and got into video games his grades dropped and my parents started constantly arguing with him and taking away his computer and stuff like that so there was always a lot of tension (and i got to a point where i can't handle people yelling; that's what i was referring to with the headphone thingy at the end of the last ask) i don't know if i can go that far and say that my parents kinda neglected me and my emotional needs in favour of saving my brother grades but that's pretty much the way it feels.

i'm now a sophomore (school works a bit different here but i'm the equivalent of a highschool sophomore afaik, here it's just 10th grade) and starting from about mid 8th grade (end of 2018) i've been struggling a lot with self care and upkeep of my already minimal social circle and academic stuff (i'm at the academically highest level of school you could be at my age without skipping any years) and also mental health.

i got quite depressive and started isolating myself and casting away friends and my grades went down a lot, which really disappointed me because my great grades were kind of my trademark thing. but i didn't feel safe talking to my parents because of the huge distance that we built by me "never" needing their help with stuff.

in that time (almost a year ago, our anniversary is in twenty days or so) i got a girlfriend and i'm hella glad that i can talk to her about everything but i feel like i can't just go dump trauma and parent issues on her forever

about last november or so i was at a pretty low point and was suicidal and that's kind of when i snapped and went to my parents to talk so being cast away and having my issues invalidated really really hurt then and made me spiral even deeper and my gf was the only thing keeping me afloat.

i'm kind of a bit better now but i have rebuilt my view of my parents from "idk we never really interact" to "trying to interact or talk is not worth the energy" and needless to say i don't like them that much

oh and i forgot about all the times i got panic attacks and sensory overloads @ school because there are so many people there (1700 students + 200 teachers) and it's loud everywhere and of course asking my parents for what to do if suddenly everything is too bright and too loud and you can't move or talk because of it didn't get me anywhere (and since i didn't know what it was called or how to describe it properly, i didn't really find any Information online either

and just typing this makes me think of so many more things that they did that aren't okay things to do (a lot of gender identity stuff for example because i'm also neck-deep in that) . but writing this has also helped a lot right now. thank you for being there and listening.

and just in case i'm ever gonna pop back in to say something i'm gonna drop a name for easier identifying

sincerely - 🌌 milky way anon

Hi, nonnie! Thanks for the kind words, I'm really glad my blog has been of help ❤️

I'm sorry your parents are making it hard to believe your struggles are real :( you deserve to be taken seriously and to get access to all the help you might need. Just the fact your symptoms are there and you're noticing them and they're interfering with your daily life is enough to get them checked, regardless of if you need a diagnosis/meds/anything else. No one deserves to live wondering if their struggles are worth discussing with a doctor or professional.

And you're right: if one of those things was your fault, then the other should be theirs, logically. But I don't even think it's "your fault" you didn't hear them because you were wearing headphones, to be honest. I think it's just something that happens from time to time and that doesn't warrant getting mad over; I think it's the kind of thing that simply needs to be talked about so everyone in the household knows how to communicate with everyone else without getting frustrated. It's as easy as saying "hey, whenever I put on headphones I'll just text the family group chat to let you guys know I won't hear you. If you need anything in those moments, just text me instead". I do this with my girlfriend sometimes—if we're wearing headphones and we're in the same room, we simply pat each other when we need something and wait until the other takes off their headphones to talk. It really doesn't have to be an issue where anyone is to blame. You're allowed to take steps to feel safe and comfortable in your house without getting punished for it.

But, of course, this doesn't work if the people around you choose to prioritise "being right" and proving you're wrong over a peaceful and healthy cohabitation, which is what most toxic and abusive people do.

As for your second ask, I would say if it feels like your parents neglected you and your needs because they were always focusing on your brother, then it's okay to say that they did. The fact alone that those feelings are there makes you deserving of talking about it and wanting to heal from it; the cause of those feelings doesn't have to be something major, or sound deeply traumatising when you say it out loud, in order to "count". And people whose emotional needs were consistently met don't feel like they weren't.

I've already shared this video before, but if you want some resources on identifying and healing from emotional neglect, I really recommend watching it. Please bear in mind, though, that the video says it's important to not blame parents for emotionally neglecting you, but I don't think that's the message a lot of people need to hear and I think you should allow yourself to feel angry at your parents for not meeting your needs and causing you trauma. That's pretty much the only thing I'd criticise about the video.

I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling with your grades and mental health lately, nonnie. I had a quite similar experience when I was in high school—I used to always get great grades, but my mental health and trauma put a lot of strain on them (as well as on my social life; I lost a lot of friends in those years) and it was really distressing to see the only thing that made me "worthy" crumble between my fingers like that. I'm still trying to unlearn this idea that your grades define your worth, and it's been really hard.

I'm so sorry your parents weren't there for you when you hit that low 😔 I'm glad your girlfriend could help you stay afloat in that moment, but they absolutely should've been there for you all those times you reached out to them for help with your struggles, and the fact that they didn't is emotionally neglectful of them.

I'm glad you're in a better place now ❤️ I really hope you can find out all the information you need on gender identity and sensory overload and any other issues that might be affecting you. Know that you deserve for your parents to be there for you. You shouldn't have to face any of this on your own, or even with only the support of other people your age. You deserve for them to care. You deserve to have your symptoms checked out. You deserve adult guidance to find resources to help you better understand and manage your struggles.

Sending all my virtual support your way ❤️ and happy belated anniversary to you and your girlfriend!

#Ask #milky way anon #Abuse #Abuse tw #Abusive parents #Toxic parents #Ableism tw #I'm not from the US either so I have no idea what a sophomore is hahaha #Emotional neglect tw #childhood emotional neglect #panic attacks tw #Suicidal tw

[peanutxparker]

A (very long) list of all of my favorite AJJ lyrics because why not

Candy Cigarettes and Cap Guns (2005)

“Well my great grand-dad he died of cancer, from smoking too many cigarettes. But I must confess that he did quite profess to being the coolest motherfucker I ever met.”

“And cocaine is essentially vegan and they don't give a fuck anyway.”

“And I can't help but miss him even though he hit me everyday.”

“So fuck white people! (fuck white people!)”

“Heaven is a special place in hell where you can watch the people you hate get hurt.”

“You find me quite charming and I find it quite alarming ‘cause I'm gonna take your life. You find me quite charming and I find it quite alarming and I'm sad you won't be my wife.”

“What makes you think you can be so pretty? And what makes you think you can be so great? And what makes you think you can be so intelligent? And what makes you think you can be so far away?”

“What makes you think you can be so wonderful? And what makes you think you can be so keen? And what makes me think I can be so hurtful? And what makes me think I can be so mean?”

“Sometimes I feel like a cigarette, I'm wrapped in paper and I'm suffocating to death.”

“I don't want to be a cigarette anymore. I'll go to hell in my self death all day and night, so please just put me out.”

People Who Can Eat People Are The Luckiest People In The World (2007)

“Rejoice despite the fact this world will hurt you. Rejoice despite the fact this world will kill you. Rejoice despite the fact this world will tear you to shreds. Rejoice because you’re trying your best”

“I'm afraid to leave the house. I'm as timid as a mouse. I'm afraid if I go out I'll outwear my welcome. I'm not a courageous man. I don't have any big lasting plans. I'm too cowardly to take a stand, I want to keep my nose clean. And it's sad to know that we're not alone in this and it's sad to know that there's no honest way out. In this life we lead, we could conquer everything if we could just get the brave to get out of bed in the morning.”

“And I give a thank-you to my father for not raising me, and I give a finger to my step-father for beating me, and I give props to myself for achieving, and god damn I’m glad that I survived, and god damn I’m surprised that I survived.”

“So I looked into your eyes and I saw the reflection of a coward you and I both hate very much and then I grabbed the knife and I let the blood out of your throat and I smashed those tiny mirrors inside of your skull.”

“If I don’t go to hell when I die I might go to heaven, might go to heaven. But probably not.”

“Just happy times and half assed rhymes and mimes because mimes are dears, but most of all I want no more tears.”

“No more racism. No more discrimination. No more fat dumb fucks keeping people out of our nation.”

“We’re all one big band across this land and we should sing in tune. Let us grow the balls to break the walls, we’ve got to do it soon.”

“And I hope our candles flicker and die so that our hearts don’t burn to the ground.”

“First we were babies, we're birthing and dying. Then we were children, we're playing and crying. And then we're teenagers and smoking and fucking. But now we're all grown up and we're sadly sighing.”

“And your manic depression, it comes and it goes. Your parasympathetic nervous system reacts and you're in fight or flight mode.”

“How's the world so small when the world is so large? And what made the world? Could I please speak to who's in charge? Everything is real but it's also just as fake. From your daughter's birthday party to your grandmother's wake.”

“I've tried to know which words to sing so many times. I tried to know which chord to play and I tried to make it rhyme. And I tried to find the key that all good songs are in. And I tried to find that notes to make that great, resounding din.”

“There's someone in your head waiting to fucking strangle you.”

“I've got essays, I've got finals due. I have got lots and lots of problems.”

“Welcome to this world, have as much fun as you would like while helping others have as much fun as you're having. Be kind to those you love and be kind to those you don't but for God's sake you gotta be kind.”

Can’t Maintain (2009)

“I wanna pick up the pieces and plant them in the ground. When a tree grows there I want to chop that tree down. Build it into a boat and float it in a lake. And with dynamite I will explode the thing that makes me make mistakes.”

“Sometimes I get so lonesome I can't breathe. Sometimes I get so scared that I can't speak. Sometimes I get so worried I can't hear my heartbeat. Anyway…”

“I wanna tear out my heart and give it away to a person more deserving one day. If all I see is the worst in everything that's all I'm gonna get, that's all I'm gonna get, that's all I'm gonna get.”

“And people freak me out. People make me scared. People make me so damn self-aware.”

“I get bronchitis twice a year at least. My lungs aren't the way they should be. And I smoke more than a mother fuckin chimney. I declare war on my body.”

“You will cough up crows that peck my eyes and I will do nothing but go blind.”

“We could live there together or I'll live alone, less happy but I'll live... unfortunately.”

“And no one will know how I truly feel ‘cause I can no longer differentiate between what is fake and what is real. I don't know how I feel.”

“And I will always appreciate bad days like this because they grant me a point of reference in regards to my happiness.”

“If the bridge that I was driving over collapsed while I was driving over it that may not be such a bad thing. I would finally meet my maker, I could meet the great creator, and I'd punch him for teaching me how to sing.”

“Don't know if I believe in god but sometimes I pray because the way I was raised keeps me afraid.”

“I hope I can forgive me for having the nerve to exist. I hope someone can help me make some sense of this.”

“Sense and sensibility and peaceful productivity, a pretty girl with broken wings is all that I desire. But there's so much hostility in all the things surrounding me. The awful glow of enmity is trying to stop my shine. So I try to look inwardly at all the things inside of me but sodomy and buggery keep bubbling to the top.”

“I met you once over the phone, you sounded sad and you seemed alone. You left me but I never left you. I never had the chance to.”

“If you spend all your heart on something that has died you are not alive and that can't be your life.”

Knife Man (2011)

“There's no one to blame. People are just fucking mean.”

“So if I see a penny on the ground, I leave it alone or fucking flip it. I'm a straight white male in America. I've got all the luck I need.”

“I've got a pile of broken mirrors and I'm walking under ladders and I'll spill a ton of salt because to me that doesn't matter.”

“You were dead by the time that I had found you. Your blood was spilled on the couch where we had first kissed. So I carried you west to the sea so I could wash you. Your body felt just like a back pack.”

“I hate whiny, fucking songs like this but I can't afford a therapist. Sorry guys, here's a solo.”

“Some days I feel like I'm the weakest and others the strongest. These days are the longest and I've got the weirdest feeling about this and I wanna go away for a while.”

“I wish I had a bullet big enough to fucking kill the sun. I'm sick of songs about the summer.”

“When you have no one, you are no one. Like I said, I used to work at the people pound. All these no ones clumped together, just like a human lost and found. If they left them all be someones there wouldn't be enough to go around. It's better for us all us if there are no ones. And I knew a lot of no ones round that time. They used to all be someones until something took their life and all their someones disappeared while they're stuck there waiting in a line. And for them now, no one seems to have the time.”

“They say ambition is an enemy of weakness and greatness is an enemy of fame.When I pick up my guitar and I try to write a song, I think of what my mentor used to say… “Who fucking gives a rat's ass Steve, just write a love song. Cus they'll keep your belly full and your wallet lined. Don't bother these nice people with your sad sack songs. If you ask me I think they're just a waste of time.””

“Inspiration is the best friend of my sorrow and sorrow is the best friend of my drink. Well I want to look myself in the eye tomorrow but I'm too worried of what other folk's will think.”

“And the troubles in my heart need to get let out. And the troubles in my heart need to escape. And I never liked writing poetry and I never liked doing pottery and God knows that I never learned to paint. So every now and then, I'll sing sad songs. Cus it keeps my spirit light and my conscience clean. And if you don't care to hear I don't mind if you go out for some air. Cus I'm happy that you're happier than me.”

“So I wish I had a cigarette for every time a perfect stranger asked me for a cigarette but I wonder what a cigarette will really do to help that person out. I wish to God I had some spare change for every time a perfect stranger asked me for some spare change but there's not enough spare change in the world to make such an empty gesture count.”

“You can hope it gets better and you can follow your dreams but hope is for presidents and dreams are for people who are sleeping.”

“You don't have it any better and you don't have it any worse. You're an irreplaceable human soul with your own understanding of what it means to suffer and that’s a huge bummer.”

“I'm afraid of the way I live my life. I'm afraid of the way I don't. I'm afraid of the things that I want to do but I won't. I'm afraid of God. I'm afraid to believe and I'm afraid of all the loved ones that I've made leave. I'm afraid that my dog doesn't love me anymore. I'm afraid of the social laziness that let Kitty Genovese die. And I'm afraid of the mob mentality that makes otherwise normal people go blind. I'm afraid of the way that the world works and I'm afraid of the words in my notebooks. I'm afraid that you all know that I am a pervert.”

“It's harder to be yourself than it is to be anybody else. I wish I were a little less of a coward but the big red bird that lives under the city doesn't give a damn about me and it dies every night. So I bought a knife. I am a knife.”

Rompilation (2012)

“I used to be a spiderman, I used to be a cowboy from hell, but not anymore. Now I'm just a clam and I live inside this shell inside this shell I am. God damn I hate my brain.”

“I'll dip my brain in medicine so that you can stand to be with me.”

“Give me your tired, give me your tired, give me your poor. When our government acts like this, I wonder what World War II was for and the rest of the country hates us more and more. Lady Liberty is not a whore.”

“This is not a protest, it's a tortoise slowly pushing through a race. I hope the tortoise keeps its patience while the hare continues to pepper-spray its face.”

“There is no enemy, there's only people that also love their families and they're scared that they won't have enough long after they are deceased. But how much money do they need? Love turns into fear, and fear turns into greed. There is no enemy, there's only dummies that also love their families.”

“And this is not a phase, it's just a matter of time, with diligence and peacefulness, you will reach them and you will change their minds. If you stay there long enough, they'll start to see you.”

“And when you pushed my face in shit how could that have made you feel like a man or like a monster. It's your fault that I can't tell the difference.”

“In the evening I try songwriting. I'm self loathing, but I love singing. I'll try escaping these evil feelings but they keep coming, they keep coming…”

“So the baby's gonna have a daddy, that's wonderful news. He won't be the greatest parent but neither will you! Gotta get out while you can, otherwise you're screwed. Your legs are broken and your eyes are black and blue.”

“And smoking is like hiring a hitman for five dollars a day, and as cool as that is, I don't wanna keep dying this way.”

Christmas Island (2014)

“Shoot him again ‘cause I can see his soul dancing.”

“If you give it to me I’ll give it back much harder. If you treat me like a son, then I’ll treat you like a daughter. Everyone has a future, everyone has a soul, everyone has a heart, they have a mind, they have control.”

“The Coffin Dancer dances like he has something the prove because he does. He sleeps a couple hours in the morning, hates the morning when he wakes up.”

“The Coffin Dancer dances like he wants to make a friend, but he does not.”

“Getting naked and playing with guns. There's a gerbil in the microwave, a baseball bat in everyone. Sharing kisses and building a bomb. We'll set it off like Microsoft in '94.”

“McDonald's PlayPlace before the Xbox, cake frosting, sweet talking, bedroom wall, covered in knives, touching God, burning shit. We'll make a wish and take a trip to Future Town like our daddy did.”

“Have you ever wanted to be, have you ever wanted to see someone better in the mirror? Have you ever wanted to go, have you ever wanted to know somewhere greener, somewhere cleaner. I bet you got something beautiful in mind.”

“I can’t handle astounding works of beauty. I think I like my pretty pretty ugly but the beautiful soul I witnessed in that movie was an entirely different kind of overwhelming. It was a dog that won’t stop barking. Like a cut that never stops bleeding. Arizona sunsets in the early evening. Or a grown man inconsolably weeping.”

“I am the Kool-Aid stains on the mouth of a kid whose name is most likely Cody. He had a juice box for breakfast and he carries a stick that he most likely found in the alley. Cody doesn't have friends and his parents hate each other and he wants to find a better way to love his family and after school he hangs out in the abandoned house behind the Arby's.”

The Bible 2 (2016)

“Oh, I love you cause I love you cause I can.”

“On your last night at Saint Mary's you were way too intoxicated to breathe. So I used your ribs as ladders and I climbed up on your chest and I jumped up and down just like a trampoline.”

“Confused and rude. Such a special kind of way to be cruel.”

“If I were one of the things, I'd be american garbage. The most beautiful thing. The most beautiful american garbage you have ever seen.”

“No more shame, no more fear, no more dread.”

“And if you don't want to feel the feeling, no one should ever make you feel the feeling.”

“I thought I saw you before I knew who you were.”

“I just wanted to rage but all I got was tired”

“I showed him all the books that I was raised on. Your Madeleine L'Engle(s) and D'Aulaires' Mythologies.”

“And his eyes became a beacon, an LCD projector, broadcasting all my memories in a clear and vivid picture. His tongue became a staircase, his uvula - The knocker of an ornate wooden door that lead me straight into my future. His throat became a hallway with a thousand baby pictures and I became forgiveness, I transformed into the closure that I lost when I learned about the tragedy of all of us. I lost it when I learned about the tragedy of all of us.”

Good Luck Everybody (2019)

“If you don't give it to them they'll starve to death and that's alright.”

“I've got the normalization blues, this isn't normal, this isn't good.”

“I'm detached and I'm distracted, all keyed up but unproductive, vacillating between being all excited and disgusted and then dozing lackadaisically in this bubble where I've made my mental home. Connection's more important now than it ever was, but I'd rather be alone.”

“And when we talk about the president, we're either pissed off or we're giggling about an atrocity he's committing or some stupid shit he's tweeting. He's a symptom and a weapon of the evil men who really run the show. The ones who melt down human beings into money like a cruel Sorcerer's Stone.”

“This is the golden age of dickotry, probably the last golden age of anything, and the ugliest word in the English language is anthropocene. Good luck, everybody. Good luck.”

“But before that, you'll be a doormat, for every vicious narcissist in the world. Oh how they'll screw you, all up and over, then feed you silence for dessert.”

“I'm sorry that you have to have a body, filled with infection, one hundred scabs singing in unison, eyes and hands, sometimes bullets, uninvited, passing through us.”

“Oh to be awake for such a shitty dream. A bullet in the head of every decent thing.”

“The lake of dead black children that America created is getting fuller than the founding Fathers even wanted. The ghost of great America was underestimated and now it rages like a cold sore on the lip of this dumb nation. Again we've slipped inside a pit of absolute despair. That's where we live.”

“Rewarding our worst cruelty, they destroyed our shared reality, and now they upsell us our dignity like some fucked VIP package.”

“There is no absolute, these days there's no such thing as truth and you don't need to be a dick about it.”

“I'm a burnout and a fool, oblivious to all I do. I move my lips when I read and breathe with my mouth open, wide open. Timid, meek, and cruel, this is the best that I can do. I need to speak my truth, yet here I'm broken wide, wide open. My resentment, big and strong, and all the things that I can't change. They'll buckle me beneath the weight. I will drive myself insane with all the things that I can't change. I hate all the things that I can't change.”

“You're a loudmouth and a tool, and as it turns out I am too, and you don't need to be a dick about it.”

“Because I know that you know what I need more than me and I know that you need me more than that.”

“For all the pussies you grab and the children you lock up in prison, for all the rights you roll back and your constant stream of racism, for all the poison you drip in my ear, for all your ugly American fear. I wrote you this beautiful song called Psychic Warfare.”

“I hate you with all of my heart. I hate you with all of my art.”

“I went back to the desert, little Midwest in me, and now I am colder than I used to be. I live in a fortress the shape of my body, and now there's a coldness, and it's shaped like me. Now I don't suffer any more bullshit gladly. Even though everything's bullshit now, here in 2019 and you can bet it's gonna be a bunch of bullshit too out in sweet 2020 or whenever this album's released.”

#ajj band #ajj #andrew jackson jihad