#this reminds her of shadow. it reminds me of shadow

[hd-junglebook]

Its Always Been You

Part 4 / Word Count 5816

Masterlist

Summary: And so, the trip to Michigan begins with a little surprise guest.

In the dim glow of his bedroom, Jack's world felt like it was crumbling around him. The shadows danced across the walls, mirroring the chaos within his mind.  Jack's hands trembled as he held the phone to his ear, his breathing uneven and his heart racing.

"Luke, I don't know what to do with myself," Jack's voice trembled, a mix of anguish and vulnerability. His eyes were glassy with unshed tears, and his free hand clenched into a tight fist.  

"I've acted like a complete fool all week. Y/n hates me. I'm feeling… I'm feeling things I never felt before for y/n, and I think I've finally lost my mind."

Luke's harsh tone cut through the silence, his confusion evident. "Jack, what the hell are you talking about?" There was a rustling sound on the other end of the line, as if Luke was sitting up in bed, suddenly alert.

Jack's pacing resumed, his frustration palpable. He ran his fingers through his disheveled hair, his footsteps heavy against the carpeted floor.

The room felt suffocating, the walls closing in on him as he struggled to contain his emotions.

"I told y/n I knew how she felt about me, and then I broke her heart. She left me all alone for three days. Jesus, I just saw her locking lips with some loser in the hallway. It's taking everything in me not to go out there and drag him outside."

"Jack…" Luke barely got out before he was interrupted again.

Before Luke could respond, Jack's voice rose again, defiant and emotional. "I'm not done." He halted his pacing, standing in front of his dresser where a picture of y/n and him sat.

It was from the night of his draft party, a snapshot of happier times. Jack's fingers traced the edges of the frame, his eyes fixated on y/n's smiling face. The photograph seemed to mock him, a cruel reminder of what he had thrown away.

He thought back to that night, his emotions, how he begged her to leave her life behind and move to New Jersey. The memory was vivid, the excitement and hope he felt then now replaced by a crushing sense of regret.

The scent of her perfume, the warmth of her hand in his, the sparkle in her eyes—it all came flooding back, intensifying the ache in his chest.

Rustling came through the speaker of Jack's phone. "I ruined us, Luke. I've ruined the best thing I've ever had." Jack's voice cracked, a single tear escaping and rolling down his cheek.

"Dude, it's almost 12am, and you're babbling about something everyone and their mom knew already. How long did you think you could fight your feelings?" Luke's tone softened, a mix of exasperation and concern.

"I don't know, Luke." Jack stayed still for a moment, his shoulders slumped in defeat. The door of their apartment closed, and he hung up on Luke when he heard footsteps approaching.

Jack perked up, holding his breath as he listened to them get closer. His heart raced, a glimmer of hope sparking in his chest.

Another door closed, leading Jack to swing open his door. Y/n had already closed her door, the click of her lock reverberating through the silent apartment.

Jack's hand hovered over her doorknob, his fingers trembling. He wanted to knock, to apologize, to pour his heart out, but fear and uncertainty held him back.

…

The sound of her alarm woke her from her restless sleep, the shrill beeping cutting through the stillness of the early morning. Her eyes opened slowly, adjusting to the darkness around her.

The room was bathed in a deep, melancholic blue, the shadows clinging to the corners and casting an air of despair. The curtains, a soft, sheer fabric, billowed gently in the breeze from the slightly open window, allowing a sliver of pale moonlight to penetrate the gloom.

"Here we go again," she mumbled groggily, her voice heavy with exhaustion and resignation. The words felt thick on her tongue.

She sat up in her bed, allowing the blanket to fall in a heap on her waist. The sheets, once a comforting embrace, now felt suffocating, tangled around her legs like the thoughts that consumed her mind.

y/n looked around the room with despair, her gaze lingering on the familiar objects that held countless memories—the framed photographs on the dresser, the stack of well-worn books on the nightstand, the discarded clothing strewn across the floor.

Y/n sighed again, the sound echoing in the emptiness of the room. She pushed the blanket off of herself fully, the cool air of the apartment sending a shiver down her spine.

Her steps were light as she dressed herself, opting for comfort over style for the plane ride back to Michigan. She pulled on a soft, oversized sweater, the fabric enveloping her like a comforting hug, and a pair of well-worn leggings that had seen better days.

As she moved about the room, gathering her belongings, the floorboards creaked beneath her feet, the sound amplified by the silence that hung heavy in the air. The scent of stale coffee and the lingering aroma of chocolate chip cookies wafted through the apartment.

Jack's door opened across from her room, his yawning loud against the stark silence of the world outside their little apartment. The sound made her flinch, her body tensing as she braced herself for the inevitable encounter.

She could hear his footsteps, the shuffling of his feet against the hardwood floor, and the rustling of his clothing as he moved about his room.

Y/n rolled her eyes, not ready to interact with Jack just yet. The thought of facing him, of seeing the guilt and regret in his eyes, made her stomach churn. She focused on the task at hand, pulling her suitcase up to the door, the wheels squeaking against the floor.

Her eyes landed on the corkboard that hung on the wall beside the door, the pictures of their innocent smiles and young faces causing her heart to break even more.

In one picture, they were grinning broadly, their arms wrapped around each other's waists as they posed in front of a sunset on the beach. In another, they were dressed in formal attire, attending a friend's wedding, their eyes sparkling with happiness and love.

Y/n's fingers traced the edges of the photographs, the glossy paper cool beneath her touch. A lump formed in her throat as she studied each image. She could feel the sting of tears behind her eyes, the emotions she had been trying so hard to suppress threatening to spill over.

She pulled the door open, rushing past the open bathroom where Jack stood in the mirror, his toothbrush dangling from his mouth and a look of surprise etched on his face.

Y/n moved with the speed of a cheetah, her feet pounding against the floor as she made a beeline for the safety of the kitchen.

Just as she thought she had escaped the awkwardness, the front door jingled, keys rattling against the metal knob like a mischievous poltergeist trying to gain entry.

Y/N stood frozen in place, her body rigid with shock as the door to the apartment swung open. The sudden intrusion had caught her completely off guard, and she felt as if she had been turned to stone, unable to move or speak.

As she watched, a tuft of blonde hair bounced into view, the golden locks reminding her of the fairy tale character Goldilocks. But this was no innocent child stumbling upon a bear's cottage; this was a full-grown woman barging into her home uninvited.

"Daphne? What the hell are you doing here?" Y/N managed to choke out, her voice rising in pitch with each word until it reached a near-shriek. The disbelief and anger dripped from her tongue like bitter honey, leaving a foul taste in her mouth.

Jack's girlfriend fully entered the apartment, dragging a garishly pink suitcase behind her. It was as if she had packed her entire life into that one piece of luggage, ready to move in and stake her claim.

The suitcase was so bright it hurt Y/N's eyes, a beacon of chaos signaling the impending doom that was about to unfold.

From the corner of her eye, Y/N saw Jack emerge from the bathroom, toothbrush still dangling from his mouth. White foam dripped down his chin, making him look like a rabid dog caught in the act.

His eyes widened as he took in the scene before him, darting back and forth between the two women as if trying to comprehend the gravity of the situation he had found himself in.

Daphne's gaze flicked between Jack and Y/N, her initial smile slowly fading as realization dawned on her face. "We planned this months ago, silly," she said, her voice dripping with false sweetness.

"Non-refundable ticket. We talked about this, Jack. It's only been three months; you can't get rid of me that easily."

She let out a laugh that sounded more like a witch's cackle, her eyes gleaming with a hint of mischief and something darker, more possessive. It was clear that she had no intention of leaving, no matter how unwelcome her presence might be.

Y/N felt her heart sink into her stomach, a wave of nausea washing over her as the reality of the situation hit her like a ton of bricks. Daphne was here, in their home, and it seemed that Jack had been keeping even more secrets than she had realized.

The air in the apartment suddenly felt thick and suffocating, the tension so palpable you could cut it with a knife. Y/N's mind raced with a million questions, a million accusations, but she couldn't seem to form the words.

All she could do was stand there, frozen in place, as the world she had built with Jack came crashing down around her like a house of cards.

Jack let out a heavy sigh, his hand rubbing the front of his scalp as if trying to erase the memory of ever agreeing to this disastrous plan. His face scrunched up like he had just bitten into a particularly sour lemon, the bitterness of the situation leaving a foul taste in his mouth.

He glanced sheepishly at Y/N, his eyes darting between the two women like a puppy who had been caught chewing on his owner's favorite pair of shoes.

"Can you give us a sec? Please?" he pleaded, his voice barely above a whisper, as if he were afraid that speaking any louder would cause the fragile peace to shatter.

Y/N scoffed, her arms crossing over her chest as she fixed Jack with a withering stare. "No, we have to leave soon, and if I don't have my coffee, I just might jump off the plane dealing with you both," she retorted, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Her eyebrows rose so high they nearly disappeared into her hairline, the thought of being trapped on a plane with these two making her seriously consider grabbing a parachute and taking her chances with gravity.

Jack's face reddened, his frustration bubbling to the surface. "We need privacy though!" he said, his voice tinged with annoyance.

He threw his hands up in the air, as if he were trying to physically push away the awkwardness that had settled over the room like a thick fog. "Could you give us some time?"

Y/N let out a humorless laugh, the sound harsh and grating in the tense silence of the apartment. "Oh, you need privacy? That's rich, coming from the guy who couldn't even bother to tell his best friend that his girlfriend was coming to visit."

She shook her head, her eyes narrowing as she fixed Jack with a look that could have melted steel. "You know what? Fine. You two lovebirds enjoy your little reunion. I'll be in my room, packing my bags and booking a one-way ticket to anywhere but here."

With that, she spun on her heel and stalked off towards her bedroom, her footsteps echoing like gunshots in the stillness of the apartment. She could feel Daphne's eyes boring into her back, could sense the smug satisfaction radiating off the other woman in waves.

But Y/N refused to let it get to her, refused to let the hurt and betrayal show on her face. She had always prided herself on being strong, on being able to handle whatever life threw her way. And she sure as hell wasn't going to let Jack or his girlfriend see her crumble.

As she reached her bedroom door, Y/N paused, her hand resting on the knob. For a moment, she was tempted to turn back, to march right up to Jack and demand an explanation.

But she knew that it would be pointless, knew that whatever he had to say would only make the pain worse.

So instead, she took a deep breath and stepped inside, slamming the door behind her with a resounding thud. And as she sank down onto her bed, her head in her hands and her heart in pieces, Y/N couldn't help but wonder how everything had gone so wrong, so fast.

…

Y/N walked back out into the living room, Daphne turned to her with an expression of exaggerated surprise. Her eyes were wide, and a cute smile was plastered on her face, the kind of smile that made you want to pinch her cheeks but also question the sincerity behind it.

"This is your best friend, right? She's a lot shorter than I remember," Daphne said, her voice dripping with false sweetness. It was clear that she was trying to get under Y/N's skin, to establish her dominance in the situation.

Y/N couldn't help but scoff, her eyes rolling so far back in her head that she nearly caught a glimpse of her own brain. "And you're the EX-girlfriend, right?" she retorted, putting extra emphasis on the "ex" part. Two could play at this game, and Y/N wasn't about to let Daphne win.

Jack let out a groan, his head falling back in frustration. "God, just my luck," he grumbled, his eyes rolling so hard they nearly got stuck in the back of his head.

He knew that he was in for a long and uncomfortable conversation with Daphne, and the thought of it made him want to crawl into a hole and never come out.

Y/N took a deep breath grabbing her coffee, the warm liquid providing a momentary comfort before made her way back out to the kitchen. Y/N grasped the cold metal handle, the chill sending a shiver down her spine.

"Let's go before I change my mind," she said, her voice flat and emotionless. She didn't want to give Jack or Daphne the satisfaction of seeing how much this situation was affecting her, didn't want to let them see the cracks in her carefully constructed façade.

…

The journey to the airport had been a tense affair, with Y/N pointedly ignoring Jack's attempts at conversation and Daphne chattering away obliviously in the background.

Y/N could feel Jack's eyes on her, his gaze heavy with unspoken apologies and explanations, but she refused to meet his eye, focusing instead on the passing scenery outside the car window.

they made their way through the bustling terminal, Jack tried once more to pull Y/N aside, his hand gently grasping her elbow. "Y/N, please, can we just talk about this?" he pleaded, his voice low and urgent.

Y/N yanked her arm away, her eyes flashing with barely contained anger. "There's nothing to talk about, Jack," she hissed, her voice sharp as a knife. "You made your choice, and now we all have to live with the consequences."

Jack's face fell, his shoulders slumping in defeat. "It's not like that, Y/N. If you would just let me explain..."

But Y/N cut him off with a bitter laugh, her head shaking in disbelief. "Explain what, Jack? How you don’t like me? How you play this stupid hot and cold game with me? No, I think I've heard enough explanations to last a lifetime."

She turned to walk away, but Jack's hand shot out once more, his fingers wrapping around her wrist. "Please, Y/N," he whispered, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "I never meant to hurt you. You have to believe that."

For a moment, Y/N wavered, her resolve crumbling in the face of Jack's obvious distress. But then she caught sight of Daphne waiting impatiently by the gate, her foot tapping, and her arms crossed, and the anger came rushing back in full force.

"I don't have to believe anything, Jack," she said, her voice cold and distant. "You made your bed, and now you have to lie in it. I just want to forget about all of this and move on with my life. So please, just leave me alone."

With that, she wrenched her arm from his grasp and strode towards the gate, her head held high and her heart shattered into a million pieces.

The seating arrangement on the plane felt like a cruel joke, a twisted game of fate that had placed Y/N in the middle of the very chaos she had been trying to escape.

She found herself sandwiched between Jack and Daphne, her body pressed against the cool glass of the window as if she could somehow merge with the clouds and drift away from the awkwardness that permeated the air.

Jack sat rigidly in the middle seat, his body a tense barrier between Y/N and Daphne. Y/N could feel the heat of his skin, could smell the familiar scent of his cologne, and it made her heart ache with a longing she couldn't quite suppress.

On Jack's other side, Daphne slept peacefully, her head lolling against his shoulder and her soft snores filling the space between them. She seemed blissfully unaware of the silent war raging within Y/N's mind, the turmoil that threatened to consume her from the inside out.

Y/N's foot tapped incessantly against the floor, a nervous habit that betrayed the inner chaos she was desperately trying to conceal. Each tap was like a metronome, counting down the seconds until she could escape the confines of the plane and the suffocating proximity to Jack.

She could feel his eyes on her once more, could sense the weight of his gaze boring into the side of her head. But she refused to look at him. Instead, she focused on the clouds outside the window, on the endless expanse of blue sky that stretched out before her.

Y/N was lost in thought, her mind a whirlwind of emotions and memories, when Jack's hand suddenly shot out, startling her back to reality. Before she could react, he had shoved a headphone into her ear, ignoring the sputtered questions and the look of indignation that flashed across her face.

His fingers brushed against her skin, sending a jolt of electricity through her body. It was a reminder of the connection they once shared, the easy intimacy that had defined their friendship for so many years. Y/N's breath caught in her throat, her heart racing as she tried to process the unexpected gesture.

As the familiar opening credits of her favorite episode of Game of Thrones filled her ear, Y/N's eyes widened in surprise. She glanced at Jack, searching his face for an explanation, but he steadfastly refused to meet her gaze.

His eyes remained fixed on the screen in front of him, as if the answers to all of life's questions could be found in the flickering images.

Y/N couldn't help but steal glances at Jack, her eyes tracing the contours of his face, the curve of his jaw, the way his lashes cast shadows on his cheeks.

Each glance was a silent question, a plea for him to acknowledge the unspoken words that hung between them. But Jack remained stoic, his attention unwavering, as if he had erected an impenetrable wall around himself.

Even as she tried to immerse herself in the show, Y/N couldn't shake the awareness of Jack's presence beside her. The warmth of his body seemed to seep into her skin, igniting a longing that she had tried so hard to suppress.

She could feel the rise and fall of his chest, could hear the soft whisper of his breath, and it made her heart ache with a bittersweet mixture of love and loss.

Beside her, Jack remained a silent presence, his body so close and yet so far away. Y/N couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking, what he was feeling.

…

Y/N stepped out of the airport, the crisp Michigan air filling her lungs and invigorating her senses. She took a deep breath, savoring the familiar scent of pine and freshly cut grass that always seemed to linger in the air.

The sun peeked through the scattered clouds, casting a warm glow on her surroundings and making the world seem a little brighter, a little more hopeful.

She scanned the crowd of people waiting outside the terminal, her eyes searching for a familiar face. And then, like a beacon in the chaos, she spotted him.

There, leaning against a sleek black car, was Luke. A grin spread across his face as he caught sight of her, his eyes crinkling at the corners in the way that had always made her heart skip a beat. "Y/N!" he called out, pushing himself off the car and striding towards her with open arms.

Without hesitation, Y/N dropped her bags and ran to meet him halfway. She threw her arms around his neck, feeling the solid warmth of his body as he wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her off the ground in a spirited hug. For a moment, the world seemed to fall away, and all that mattered was the comfort and familiarity of Luke's embrace.

"I missed you so much," Y/N mumbled into his shoulder, her voice muffled by the fabric of his shirt. She breathed in the scent of him, a mixture of cologne and something uniquely Luke, and felt a wave of nostalgia wash over her.

Luke chuckled, the sound rumbling through his chest and vibrating against her own. "I missed you too, shorty. It's good to have you back."

He set her back down on the ground, but kept his arms around her, as if he was afraid she might disappear if he let go. Y/N couldn't help but smile up at him, feeling a sense of warmth and belonging that she hadn't felt in a long time.

Behind them, the sound of footsteps on the pavement broke the spell. Y/N turned to see Jack and Daphne approaching, their faces a mixture of exhaustion and something else, something harder to define. Jack's eyes met hers for a brief moment, a flash of emotion passing between them before he looked away, his jaw clenching.

Luke's arms tightened around Y/N, a silent show of support and protection. "Hey Jack, Daphne," he said, his voice carefully neutral. "Glad you could make it."

Daphne smiled, the expression not quite reaching her eyes. "Thanks for picking us up, Luke. It's been a long flight."

Y/N could feel the tension crackling in the air, the unspoken words and unresolved issues hanging between them like a thick fog. But for now, she pushed them aside, focusing instead on the feeling of Luke's arms around her and the promise of a few days away from the chaos of her life in New Jersey.

Jack moved forward, his arms open wide and a grin plastered on his face, Y/N felt a flicker of hesitation. There was something about his expression that seemed forced, as if he was trying too hard to appear casual and unaffected by the tension that hung thick in the air.

But before Jack could reach them, Luke's hand shot out, smacking the side of his head with a resounding thwack. The sound echoed through the parking lot, drawing the attention of a few curious onlookers. Jack stumbled back, a bewildered look on his face as he rubbed the spot where Luke's hand had made contact.

"Ow, what was that for?" Jack asked, his voice a mix of surprise and mock indignation. His brows furrowed as he looked at Luke, trying to decipher the reason behind the sudden attack. Y/N could see the gears turning in his head, the confusion and hurt flickering behind his eyes.

Luke lowered his voice, his tone stern yet laced with underlying concern. He leaned in closer to Jack, his eyes locked on his brother's, as if he was trying to convey a message that went beyond words.

"For being an idiot and for bringing her here. Did you forget about what you said on the phone?"

Y/N felt her heart skip a beat, her mind racing with the implications of Luke's words. What had Jack said on the phone? What secrets had he been keeping from her, even as he tried to bridge the gap between them?

Jack's face flushed with guilt, the color rising in his cheeks like a crimson tide. His eyes darted to Y/N, then back to Luke, a silent plea for understanding.

For a moment, no one spoke. Y/N could feel Daphne's eyes on her, could sense the other woman's curiosity and suspicion. But she refused to meet her gaze.

Finally, Luke broke the silence, his voice cutting through the tension like a knife. "Come on," Luke said, releasing Y/N and grabbing her bags. "Mom's waiting at home with lunch. She's been cooking up a storm all morning."

Y/N grinned, the thought of Luke's mother's cooking making her mouth water. "Lead the way," she said, falling into step beside him as they made their way to the car.

As they walked, Y/N could feel Jack's eyes on her back, could sense the weight of his gaze boring into her. But she refused to look back, refused to acknowledge the part of her that still longed for his touch, his presence, his love.

Instead, she focused on the warmth of Luke's hand in hers, on the promise of a few days of respite and healing. And as they drove away from the airport, the skyline of Detroit rising up in the distance, Y/N couldn't help but feel a flicker of hope igniting in her chest.

Maybe, just maybe, this trip would be the start of something new, a chance to leave behind the pain and heartache of the past and find a way forward, one step at a time. And with Luke by her side, and the love of her family to guide her, Y/N knew that anything was possible.

…

Lukes’s car pulled up to the familiar two-story house, Y/N felt a wave of nostalgia wash over her. The red brick facade, the white wooden porch, the sprawling oak tree in the front yard - every detail was exactly as she remembered.

She stepped out of the car, the warm breeze caressing her face and tousling her hair. The scent of freshly cut grass filled the air, a sweet perfume that brought back memories of lazy afternoons spent lounging in the sun and late-night conversations under the stars.

Y/N took a deep breath, letting the peace and tranquility of the moment settle over her like a comforting blanket. For the first time in days, she felt the knots of tension in her shoulders begin to loosen, the weight of her worries and fears slowly melting away.

Beside her, Jack and Daphne were unloading their bags from the trunk, their voices a low murmur against the backdrop of chirping birds and rustling leaves. Y/N hesitated for a moment, her eyes lingering on Jack's face, taking in the lines of stress and fatigue that creased his brow.

In that moment, she made a decision. She was tired of being angry, tired of holding onto the hurt and betrayal that had consumed her for so long. Life was too short to waste on grudges and resentment, too precious to let slip away in a haze of bitterness and regret.

With a determined set to her jaw, Y/N strode over to Jack, her steps purposeful and sure. He looked up as she approached, his eyes widening in surprise and a flicker of hope.

"Hey," she said, her voice soft but steady. "I just wanted to say... I'm sorry for the way I've been acting. I know things have been tough lately, but I don't want to keep dwelling on the past. You're my best friend, Jack, and that's never going to change."

Jack's face softened, his eyes shining with a mix of relief and gratitude. "Y/N, I..." he started, his voice thick with emotion. "I'm sorry too. For everything. I never meant to hurt you, and I know I have a lot to make up for. But I'm willing to do whatever it takes to earn your trust again."

Y/N felt a lump form in her throat, the sincerity in Jack's words tugging at her heartstrings. She reached out and took his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"I know," she said, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "let's just focus on enjoying this trip and being there for each other, okay?"

Jack nodded, his own smile breaking through the clouds of tension that had hung over them for so long. "Okay," he said, his voice filled with a tentative hope. "That sounds perfect."

Together, they made their way up the porch steps, their hands still intertwined. Y/N could feel the warmth of Jack's skin against her own.

"Welcome back, sweetheart," Ellen said, her voice warm and rich like honey. "We've missed you so much."

Y/N felt tears prick at the corners of her eyes. “I've missed you too," she said, her voice muffled against the older woman's shoulder. "It's so good to be home."

…

Luke led Daphne and Y/N up the stairs, their footsteps echoing on the hardwood, Jack seized the opportunity to pull his mother aside. His heart raced, palms sweaty as he glanced nervously between her and the staircase, his body practically vibrating with anxiety.

Ellen's brows furrowed, her maternal instincts kicking into high gear as she sensed her son's distress. She placed a gentle hand on his arm, her touch a silent invitation to share his troubles.

"Jack, honey, what's wrong?" she asked, her voice soft and filled with concern. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

Jack swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. He ran a shaky hand through his hair, his eyes darting around the room as if searching for an escape. But there was none to be found, and he knew that he owed his mother the truth.

With a heavy sigh, he guided her to the couch, his movements stiff and awkward. They sat down, the worn cushions sinking beneath their weight, and for a moment, neither of them spoke.

Finally, Jack broke the silence, his voice barely above a whisper. "Mom, I... I messed up. Y/N and I, we had a fight. A big one. And I don't know how to fix it."

Ellen's eyes widened, a flicker of disappointment crossing her face. But she remained silent, allowing her son to continue.

"I didn't tell her about Daphne, and she found out in the worst way possible. And now... now she can barely look at me. I don't know what to do, Mom. I can't lose her."

Jack's voice cracked, the tears he had been holding back for so long finally spilling over. He buried his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking with the force of his sobs.

Ellen's heart ached for her son, for the pain and regret that radiated off him in waves. She reached out and pulled him into a hug, her arms wrapping around him like a protective cocoon.

"Oh, Jack," she murmured, her voice filled with a mix of sympathy and gentle chastisement. "I know it's hard, but you have to be honest with the people you love. Secrets have a way of coming out, and they always hurt more in the end."

Jack nodded, his face still buried in his mother's shoulder. "I know," he said, his voice muffled by the fabric of her shirt.

"I just... I didn't want to hurt her. But I ended up doing exactly that." Ellen pulled back, her hands coming up to cup Jack's face. She looked him in the eye, her gaze filled with a wisdom born of years of love and experience.

"Do you remember the time that boy was bothering Y/N in school?" she asked, her voice soft and reminiscent. "You came home with a black eye and a split lip, but you were so proud of yourself for defending her."

Jack's lips twitched, a hint of a smile breaking through the tears. "Yeah, I remember. She was so upset, but I just wanted to make her feel safe."

Ellen nodded, her own smile mirroring her son's. "You brought her back here, to this very house. And you let her lay her head on your lap, and you caressed her hair until she fell asleep. Do you remember what I told you then?"

Jack's brow furrowed, his mind stretching back to that distant memory. "You said... you said that love is the most pure thing you can feel."

Ellen nodded, a knowing smile playing at the corners of her lips. "And I see it in you, Jack. When you look at her. You love her, don't you?"

Jack took a deep breath, his shoulders straightening his heart skipping a beat at his mother's words. He had always known, deep down, that his feelings for Y/N went beyond friendship. But to hear it spoken aloud, to have his deepest secret laid bare... it was both terrifying and exhilarating.

"I... I don't know what to say, Mom," he stammered, his cheeks flushing with a mix of embarrassment and longing. "Y/N and I, we're just friends. And besides, Daphne...” He trailed off, his eyes flickering towards the staircase where his ex-girlfriend had disappeared just moments before.

Ellen sighed "Jack, honey, the longer you wait, the harder it's going to be. Sooner or later, you're going to decide whether you want to be with her in that way or let her go and find love in someone else.”

Jack stood up, his heart lighter than it had been in days. He hugged his mother one last time, breathing in the comforting scent of her perfume. "You're right, Mom. I need to be honest with myself, and with Y/N. But... but I can't do it now. Not with Daphne here. It wouldn't be fair to anyone."

"Ellen patted his cheek, her touch a silent benediction. "I understand, sweetheart. But don't wait too long, okay?

…

Tag List <3

@favsrachz @jacktoria4ever @bunbunbl0gs @ivy-34 @rebelatbay @bxtchopolis

#angst #fluff #masterlist #new writers on tumblr #new fic #x reader #jack hughes fic #jack hughes imagine #jack hughes x reader #jack hughes smut #jack hughes #jh86 #njd #nj devils #nhl #new jersey #masterpost #luke hughes #new jersey devils #timo meier #nico hischier #jesper bratt #nico hischer x reader #jack hughes fanfiction #jack hughes x y/n #jack hughes x oc #jack hughes blurb #jack hughes insta edit #jack hughes x you #jack hughes x sister!reader

[ozai-the-bonsai]

Cry for the Moon

| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 |

Pairing: Zuko x firebender!reader

Warnings: some strong language here and there

A/N: I am sorry for the long wait, the inspiration was failing and I didn't want to write something half-heartedly just for the sake of posting something. This is a long chapter and I loved writing it! Hope you enjoy this one as well, let me know what you think about it in the comments!

Taglist: @annonymatic @yoongiesstar @lost-inthe-v0id @lokigodofmyheart @4l3x1s @potato87123 @asciendo @angelruinz @unamused-boss @junieshohoho @yourlivewire @itszzmoon @coolgirl458 @vyliie @6000-fandoms @aerikim246 @feitansrisingsun @xenop0p @saikikusouswife @marsbars09

Using a tank train to chase the Avatar and his friends could have been the best idea you had come up with so far.

With the giant flying bison shedding its white fur all over the place while it flew, it had been quite easy to keep track of them – actually, it had been rather too easy. The whole night, the tank train didn’t let the Avatar and his friends get the slightest bit of sleep.

You had been on their necks all the time, just like a shadow following.

Azula put her hand into the water to grab a hold of some patches of fur, she lifted to examine them. They had chased the Avatar and his friends to a river side surrounded by a forest. Given that they were sleep deprived and too tired, they weren’t going to last longer.

“Wads of wet fur.” Mai spoke dryly. “How delightful.”

Some birds were singing under the warm sun – it was a nice, warm sunny day which reminded you of the upcoming summer.

“They are not wads, they are more like bundles, or bunches?” Ty Lee seemed thoughtful as she tried to find the right word to describe the fur swimming in the river. She scratched her head. “It’s got an ‘uh’ sound.”

You giggled. “I know this feeling – you will keep think about that word until you finally find it.” You grimaced. “It is super annoying.”

“I know!” Ty Lee agreed with you as she swung her arms in an exaggerated manner, her long braid swinging in the process.

“Clumps?” Mai suggested with the same, dry tone.

Ty Lee’s grey eyes shone with happiness as she clasped her hands together. “Clumps! They are clumps!” She hugged Mai, who didn’t even bother returning the embrace. You rolled your eyes at her dullness – it drove you insane sometimes, which made you wonder how you had managed to be best friends with her for all those years in the first place.

You were a passionate individual and you expected your friends, or the important people in your life in general, to share your passion and enthusiasm from time to time. However, you didn’t recall experiencing such an occasion with Mai.

Turning your attention to Azula, who was standing by the river, you raised an eyebrow at her. “All the fur in the river makes you wonder whether that thing simply flew over or instead dived into the water.”

Mai pointed in the direction of the trail, which lead into the forest. “The trail goes this way.”

For a moment, Azula looked in the direction of the trail as she carefully considered her options, then she looked upwards. Following her gaze, you too spotted the broken treetops. A frown appeared on your face. “Well, I don’t know many creatures that can cause something like this.”

Upon hearing your remark, Mai and Ty Lee looked into the direction you were pointing at. Perhaps they finally realised that the bison was causing them all the trouble by shedding its fur, you thought as you crossed your hands over your chest. They could have washed it, which would explain all the fur in the river.

“The Avatar is trying to give us the slip.” Azula said, you felt like you two had the same or at least similar chain of thoughts. The Princess pointed to the broken treetops. “You three head in that direction and keep your eye out for the bison.” Then, she turned her gaze to the fur trail. “I will follow this trail.”

You placed your right hand on her shoulder. “Do you believe that the Avatar awaits you alone, on his own?”

Azula nodded. “It would make sense for the other three to take the bison, the Avatar can move more easily when he is alone.”

“Oh, yeah – flying, you are right.” You said, you tended the forget the fact that he was the last airbender. “In that case, you will be perfectly fine on your own. I would rather accompany you; however, with the new earthbender girl in their group, I believe the girls need a firebender on their side.”

After a while you all mounted your mongoose lizards and started riding towards the different paths, a specific pair of traces caught your attention. They were the traces of an ostrich horse. You raised an eyebrow as you turned back to look at the trace. I though he had lost us along the way some time.

During the early hours of the morning, you had noticed someone following the tank train from afar. Even though the distance was simply too much for you to make out who the person was, there had been one very prominent feature on their face that gave out their identity almost immediately.

The scar.

However, after a few hours, you had lost sight of him; hence, you didn’t bother letting Azula know that Zuko had been using your trail to hunt down the Avatar. As it turned out, he wasn’t really gone – he had probably taken a short cut. And considering the traces, he was headed the same way as Azula.

You stopped your mongoose lizard abruptly, causing Mai and Ty Lee to stop as well. Mai sent you an annoyed look. “What is it?”

“I think I saw some earthbending traces back there, inside the forest.” You lied without even thinking twice. “The earthbender girl must have taken a separate way – you two go after the bison and the Watertribe people, I will hunt down the earthbender.”

Mai shrugged. “Whatever you say.”

Ty Lee waved at you before going back on track. “Good luck – be careful with the flying rocks!”

You smiled softly at her words. “And you watch out for the waterbender!”

After making sure the girls were both out of sight, you turned your mongoose lizard back and started following the track Zuko’s ostrich horse left. This time, I am going to face you instead of going back home in tears. You thought with a determined expression on your face, your amber eyes lacked the slightest bit of warmth inside them. And you are going to answer for what you have done to me.

[Time Skip]

Zuko shouted in a mixture of surprise and fear as you jumped in front of his ostrich horse with your mongoose lizard.

He was wearing a brown, sleeveless robe with a dark green, long-sleeved shirt and dark green pants underneath. You couldn’t help yourself but raise an eyebrow upon seeing how different his hair looked – it wasn’t in a top not anymore. Apparently, after your last encounter with him, he had cut off his hair and let it grow longer.

Bringing yourself back to the present moment and to the task at hand, you got off the mongoose lizard and crossed your hands over your chest. The long sleeves of your crimson, wrap shirt dangled with the wind. “Wipe that shocked expression off from your face, Zuko – we both knew this day would come.”

Your words had been enough to push the shock away from his features, which left its place to something that resembled mostly fury. The Banished Prince dismounted his ostrich horse with a frown. “What do you want?”

“Answers,” you spoke with a voice as cold as ice, your amber eyes were dark. “You are going to answer for what you have done to me that very day.”

At first, Zuko’s eyes widened with you mentioning the day he left the Fire Nation; however, he quickly gained control over his emotions and put back the frown. “I don’t have any time to waste,” he muttered with an annoyed tone as he tried to walk past you. Without even thinking, you punched forward, sending a wave of flames towards him.

Once again, Zuko was taken aback by your cold-heartedness. When he came back to his senses, it was almost too late – the Banished Prince rolled backwards to escape the flames in time.

“I didn’t ask whether you wanted to go through with this or not,” you said coolly as you broke your stance to stand straight. “After all, why should I show the slightest bit of concern to someone who didn’t even flinch while shattering my whole soul to a million pieces?!”

Towards the end, your voice became louder and louder, until the point you ended up screaming at his face.

Zuko spoke your name softly, which had your heart melting almost immediately as if he hadn’t been the cause of all that had hurt you over the last years. “Let this go, please – it has been three years and…”

Not even letting him finish, you interrupted him – the fury was raising within you, blinding your sight, and blurring your mind. At that moment, all you wanted to do was to scream out every buried thought, every silenced cry at him until you couldn’t speak anymore.

“So, is time supposed to magically make me forget everything you did, everything you said?” You asked scornfully as you pointed at him with your index finger in an accusing manner. “You… You said I was a burden, a baggage, a fucking deadweight!”

Zuko said your name once again. “Please… I am…”

You were shaking your head almost hysterically, you could feel the tears running down your cheeks. This was the mental breakdown you had been trying to avoid having for weeks now. “How can you expect me to forget that?!”

[Flashback]

“Please, let me come with you.” You whispered as you tried to turn your face away – you kind of felt ashamed for you were crying in front of Zuko’s whole crew. He cupped your face and made you look at him as he gently wiped away the tears leaving you amber eyes. “Zuko, I… I don’t know how to live here without you. I have… I have had you with me ever since I could remember…”

Even though his left eye was bandaged as a result of his father’s unthinkable cruelty, you could still see the tears forming in his right eye. But he managed to control his emotions not to show any weaknesses in front of his crew. “Love, we have talked about this,” he whispered towards your lips before leaving a small kiss. “I will be back before you know it. I promise.”

You shook your head – you didn’t want to stay in the Fire Nation while he went on this impossible journey to find the Avatar, who had been presumably already dead for centuries! A part of you knew that his journey was probably never going to end.

The simplest thought of not getting to see Zuko ever again made you want to throw out. You couldn’t imagine your life without him for you hadn’t known it otherwise. He had always been there, with you, and all your life, you grew up with the belief that you were going to become his wife someday.

The arranged marriage, which had been decided when you were born, was the main reason for you to grow up with Zuko – yes, but it also allowed this purest love of all to bloom between you two. From childhood best friends to childhood crushes and to young lovers.

He carried a piece of your heart and whether he wanted it or not, a part of you was going with him.

“Why?” You asked with a low voice. “Why won’t you take me with you?”

Zuko placed his lips on your forehead to leave a small kiss before speaking. “Your place is here, in the Fire Nation, where you can continue your studies and your training to pursue your dreams.” Slowly, he turned his look away from your eyes. “I would never forgive myself if I took that away from you.”

You pressed your lips against each other to silence a sob that dared to escape. “My place is with you…”

“My decision is final,” Zuko spoke with a soft voice, which carried still enough authority to put an end to your continuous attempts to change his mind. “But I am going to miss you more than anything...”

It felt impossible to form words, let alone talk. Hence, you placed your lips on top of Zuko’s instead of wasting time talking.

After the long farewell, you went home quickly to get the small gift you wanted to give to Zuko before he set sail in a few hours. You wanted to give him something that would bring him good luck on his mission and also make him remember you every time he looked at it.

It was the small replica of a red dragon made of metal, which hung at the end of a black chain. You thought Zuko could hang it by his desk or by his bed, keeping it in his personal space where he didn’t need to wear his façade anymore.

As you approached the ship, you could hear some voices coming from up on board. Upon hearing someone from the crew mentioning your name, you stopped in your tracks to listen to what was being said. You could already see Zuko standing with his back facing you, talking to that crewmate.

“My Prince, please forgive me for asking but,” the crewmate spoke with a respectful tone. “Why didn’t you allow her to join us?”

You heard Zuko heave a sigh before speaking. “I am afraid she would only be a burden to us – like baggage, she would just slow us down.” The gift of good luck you held slowly slipped between your fingers and fell onto the ground. Zuko shook his head. “I cannot allow any deadweight on board – and if any of you should become one, I will not hesitate to send them back!”

Biting your lower lip to silence your sobs, you turned back and ran away without even saying anything to Zuko, without facing him and without wishing him one last goodbye. You wanted to believe he was lying but the way he talked as he uttered those venomous words had been just too real, too true.

After that day, nothing was going to be the same for you.

[Flashback ends]

Wiping the tears away, you asked with a weak voice. “Why?”

Zuko turned his eyes away, his shame radiated off his body. “Does it matter?” He muttered. “After what I made you go through, does it really matter why I said what I said?”

You shook your head as a hysterical laughter left your lips. “Still, you are incapable of looking me in the eye and say it – say that you thought I was weak.” You didn’t realise it as the flames started to form around your clenched fists. “Say that you have lied to me every single day!” Control slowly slipped away from your fingertips. “You have never even loved me!”

What came next had been a shock to both of you.

As you screamed your sorrows away, you shot the flames – which had been growing around your fists – directly at Zuko. This was probably the very first time that you attacked him the same way you would attack any of your enemies. The reflection of the flames was visible in Zuko’s amber eyes and he seemed to be paralyzed – he had never met this side of you, he had never really been on the other side.

If he had dodged the flames with his firebending a second too late… Well, let’s say it would have been really unpleasant.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Zuko screamed at you, still not returning your attack as you circled each other. “Why would you attack me like that? And… and why would you say that I have never loved you?”

“If you had loved me, even just a little,” you told him as you stopped moving in a circle to point at him with an accusing manner. “You would have never hurt me the way you did.” Raising an eyebrow at his direction, you asked sarcastically. “Do you like the person you have turned me into?”

Zuko shook his head. “No, I didn’t do this to you,” he said with a low voice. “This is you under Azula’s influence.”

His words made you throw your head back and let out a laughter that had the hints of condescending, amusement, and little bit… craziness?

“Oh, you do believe that Azula is manipulating me into being one of her puppets?” You asked with genuine curiosity in your voice as you realised the seriousness surrounding Zuko’s features. “My dear Zuko, you have never been more wrong in your life – I am with Azula because I want to, because I deeply care about her. And no, this,” you pointed at yourself, “is not her doing. I should thank you for giving me the push to become more invincible than ever.”

It was hard to understand what was going on inside Zuko’s mind for his amber eyes didn’t give it all away; however, you could feel the hints of longing, disappointment, and jealousy circling around him all at once. It felt like an emotional turmoil.

His voice almost cracked when he spoke. “So, you… replaced me with her?”

At first, you wanted to say that you had replaced him with Shuzi, but you quickly realised that it wasn’t true. Shuzi had a different spot, and it was under no circumstances close to that of Zuko – his place wasn’t completely occupied. However, it wouldn’t be wrong to say that Azula was the only person closest to that very place in your heart.

You pursed your lips. “Well, you can say that – to a certain extent. Speaking of Azula,” you moved away from Zuko’s way as you walked towards your mongoose lizard. “Despite how much I do want to fight you, it is Azula’s destiny to be the one who faces you. Thus, I am going to let you be on your way.” Upon seeing the shocked expression on Zuko’s face, you shrugged. “I have already given her a head start.”

Remembering what his main goal was – he had completely forgot about the Avatar – Zuko quickly mounted his ostrich horse. “You were wrong though,” he said as he rode past you, his voice was low but still, you could hear him. “I did love you. Every single day.”

With that, Zuko disappeared from your sight, leaving you with more questions than you initially had before finally facing him.

[Time Skip]

After Zuko was gone, you returned to join Mai and Ty Lee, only to find both of them soaking wet, sitting by the river. Using your firebending to dry them both, you told that the earthbender girl had escaped from you by going underground like a badgermole. Not long after, Azula joined you three as well, she seemed quite tired.

As you all rode back to the tank train on your mongoose lizards, the Princess told you what had happened: how the enemies and the traitors had worked together to corner her and how she had shot Uncle Iroh with fire to create enough diversion to escape. You couldn’t help yourself but feel terrible for Iroh – you didn’t think he deserved to be Azula’s victim – but you kept your thoughts to yourself.

“Mai told me you didn’t go with her and Ty Lee,” Azula said as you two walked towards the tank train. Mai and Ty Lee were already inside. “Did you really chase the eartbender girl?”

You shook your head, you weren’t going to lie to Azula. “I actually chased Zuko, I just needed a valid excuse to go on my own way without… you know, letting Mai involve herself as well.”

A small frown formed on Azula’s face as she stopped walking. “Zuko? How did you know he was following us?”

“I saw him earlier today from a distance, then he disappeared so I didn’t really think he could keep up with our pace.” You explained as you crossed your arms over your chest. After everything you had gone through, you felt exhausted – not physically, but rather emotionally. “But I saw him in the woods once again after you went your own way. I wanted to finally face him and be free of everything weighing me down.”

Azula nodded at your words, the firm expression slowly disappeared, leaving itself to curiosity. “I understand – in that case, I forgive you for not following my orders.” The edge of your lips curled upwards. “Did it work? Are you finally free of all that weight now?”

You nodded with a big smile forming on your face, almost reaching your amber eyes. Almost.

“I screamed at him everything I have been wanting to say to him ever since… you know, that day.” You spoke with a lower voice, not wanting to be heard by anyone. Shaking your head, you continued. “He is not even capable of owning up to his actions – he couldn’t tell me why he had… said all those things about me.”

Azula shrugged with an unamazed manner. “Well, what did you expect from Zuzu in the first place?” She said as she rested her left hand on the small of your back, leading you two into the tank train. “Still, I am glad that you are now lighter than ever.”

You forced the fake smile back onto your lips.

The problem was that you felt you carried more weight now that you had faced Zuko.

Over the years, you had made yourself deeply believe that he had never really loved you – this had been the only explanation you could find for his actions, your coping mechanism. However, now that you knew he had loved you all along, you felt more lost than ever.

More lost, more confused, more vulnerable.

#prince zuko #atla zuko #zuko x reader #the last airbender #avatar the last airbender #princess azula #zuko #zuko x oc

[ellaphnt]

Shuro’s status of nobility has been brought up a few times when discussing his fight with Laios. I’m sure there’s credibility to the argument but the way it’s been used makes me go, “huh??”

I’ve seen his upbringing used in a negative context, usually to flatten his reasons for fighting with Laios. “oh he’s used to people listening to him so he’s never met anyone who doesn’t do exactly what he says” or “he’s never been exposed to anyone new or any new perspectives and that’s why he hated Laios”. I don’t think these opinions are salient in fan spaces but I saw it enough times I wanted to talk about it.

I feel like we just, forgot that Toshiro is a foreigner? The only poc in the party? And never interacted with gnomes, dwarves, and halffoots since they don’t live in the east? (well, the last point depends on how much you’ve seen from the Adventurer’s Bible)

Compared to everyone else, he probably had the MOST exposure to new people and experiences. And yet he was able to, best he can, quickly assimilate and harmonize with everyone in his new party. Regardless of what he thought about them, it seemed everyone else thought he was amicable. As a poc (and East Asian specifically), that’s mission accomplished.

With all that effort into making himself culturally digestible, it’s no wonder he resented/envied Laios. He put in all this effort to learn their status quo, to not offend the new people he’s meeting, only for Laios to not give him the same consideration. Both of them were socially inept in some way, but only one of them felt the need to do something about it. It’s important to note that their fight was a turning point for Laios too - he realize he had to be more aware and present for his team.

So Toshiro didn’t want to say no outright because it might set back the bonds he’s trying to form. Confrontation is hard, confrontation in a new country is harder. He settles for “close enough” because hey, it’s not that big of a deal. Their opinion of me is way more important than obtaining respect for myself. I’m the foreigner. This has the consequence of making him a pushover, but I digress. He seems to identify himself more as a foreigner than nobility.

And that had to do with separating his identity! The identify he has at his house was kept VERY separate from the one he has with Laios and co. He doesn’t want Laios’ party to know that he is nobility. He doesn’t even care that they call him by “first name”, albeit butchered. He never mentioned the retainers to them (since Chilchuck had to ask who they were).

The retainers are people he’d rather keep at a distance due to their connection with his dad. This might be why he joined Laios’ party solo given the opportunity. But as we see in the image below, they followed him into the dungeon ANYWAYS. You can’t convince me he wanted them to do that. They watch from a distance, disregarding Toshiro’s independence. They don’t always listen to him, they do what they think is best for him, which means they actually follow MAIZURU. To her, his status as their young master is very important, and therefore he needs to be waited on hand and foot. It’s not that he’s used to people doing stuff for him, it’s moreso Maizuru does it regardless.

What drives both identities is an inability to assert himself. He don’t think highly of himself (living under his father’s shadow) and it shows in how people treat him. With Laios and others, he had the opportunity to shape a new identity, but because Laios was the one that introduced him, he and everyone else just accepted the misconceptions. I’m sure Toshiro noted his surprisingly strong influence on his team, something he hasn’t achieved.

With his retainers and Maizuru specifically, she doesn’t put faith in his decisions. She tsked at the fact they went to save Falin, but obeyed anyways because he’s never asserted himself before. (Reminder that assertion is him on his knees requesting their help - the hierarchy of his upbringing does not feel ingrained in him. Giving me overly respectful and considerate vibes, the silly guy)

So he CAN do it! He CAN shape how people see him if he is able to open up a bit more. Rather than his nobility, it’s moreso that he’s never trusted anyone to open up to in the first place. He doesn’t fit in back home. He’s distant from Maizuru, he’s distant from Hien. He’s distant from his brothers and parents. He basically never had friends until Laios. This is his first friend too!!!

He finally opened up to him, and that’s going to pave the way for his character development in the future. He now has someone he can trust, someone to put his faith in, and someone to teach him how to communicate better. By airing his resentment, now all that’s left is that envy/admiration. He’s going to learn from that.

Edit: just because I like keeping things together, here’s more discussion about this post :P

#oh my god I did not expect this to be so LONG #hopefully this is the last of my thoughts for a while #I didn’t even touch on other factors affecting his character!!! #thank goodness everyone else has those covered #there’s some great analyses out there #I love when a character’s overarching story is about friendship #and the struggles with the nuance of interacting with people #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #toshiro nakamoto #shuro dungeon meshi #laios touden #shuro

[xx-lemon-drop-xx]

𝓕𝓸𝓻𝓰𝓮𝓽 𝓜𝓮 𝓝𝓸𝓽 ↬𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕱𝖎𝖛𝖊

“Love in light may not last forever, but love in shadows lasts a lifetime."

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ[quote stolen from @rachellerosziel] ࿐ྂ

→1988 words

┗━•❃°•°❀°•°❃•━┛

"He said I might be part fae."

The sandwich tasted excellent despite the fact it didn't seem Lilia could actually cook food aside from putting together sandwiches. The food tray he'd brought in had all sorts of foods on it. A sandwich cut in halves, a small bowl of fruit, some crackers and cheese, and a cookie. He'd also brought in a glass of Orange Juice.

"Is that so? I suppose I may have to stop calling you child of man, then." Malleus said, interest piqued. "Hmm.." His low hum bubbled through his chest and rose into the air almost like a purr of sorts.

"I bet you'll come up with a new nickname eventually. Besides, we don't know for sure if I am part fae yet. I don't mind being called Child of man either way, though." A smile dusted (Y/n)'s features, and he returned it. "Sometimes, you remind me of a cat."

"Oh? How so?" Malleus asked with interest. She thought for a moment, before shrugging. "I don't know. You just give off that vibe. Prideful but not overbearingly so, usually alone.." She trailed off at the look on his face.

"Being alone isn't something you choose, is it?"

She asked, voice small and somber. Malleus lifted his gaze to meet hers, a fragment of something unknown and mysterious flashing across his face. (Y/n) wanted to figure out what that emotion was. She felt the urge to pull out every thought, every emotion, every ache and worry and pain filling his head and dissect it. She wanted to know everything about him at that moment. What did he like, what made him tick?

"Some things, you don't get to choose." He answered, casting his gaze to the side. "Sometimes, it is just something you have to bear and deal with. You can't choose to just make people like you. You can change yourself, but you'll get tired of the persona you put up quickly. Even worse if you become this persona. To lose yourself amidst the need for self love and the want of acceptance from others- that's where the dangers lie."

(Y/n) popped a cracker with cheese into her mouth, chewing thoughtfully. "Have you ever wanted to change yourself, Malleus? Not like change yourself, but to be a different person entirely. Would you ever give up the life you had for something different?"

"No." Malleus' answer was immediate, and powerful. Flowing with confidence. "The people I know and the memories I harbor aren't worth ever giving up. The select few people I have are more than enough for me. And what about you?"

(Y/n) thought for a moment, a pang in her chest of anxiety. "I'm scared I'm going to have to choose one day. Or maybe I'll never even get the chance to choose. What if I can never go back? Aunt Jen.. And my pets. My old life. What if Crowley isn't able to find me a way back? Or what if the mystery about my dad unravels and I do ultimately choose to go back home?"

Malleus watched on with pursed lips. Perhaps he'd never given it a thought before, how potentially terrified (Y/n) was. Waking up one day in a whole new world, finding out her father was originally from this world, and finding out you may never be able to return home. That must have been horrifying.

"I believe you will have your answer at the end of this journey." Malleus said, settling a hand onto her shoulder and giving a small squeeze as an act of reassurance. Or could it possibly have been one of affection as well?

"Take it slow. No one can have the answers to everything in just one day," He stood up, grabbing the empty food tray and cup. "Live in the moment but don't forget to also have fun while living in the moment. I wouldn't want this journey to all be a nightmare for you. Let me show you to the spare room, you look tired, (Y/n)."

"I am tired." She admitted, giving a small smile. The walk was a quiet but comfortable one. Malleus had snapped his fingers at one point, proofing away the tray and cup of half gone orange juice to the sink to be washed later.

The room was simple but nice. A large bed, a dresser over in the corner, and a desk in another corner. Some candles lit up the room with a green glow, she had a feeling they were powered by Malleus' magic but (Y/n) didn't say a thing as she sat down on the cushiony bed.

"I will see you tomorrow?" Malleus said from the doorway. (Y/n) smiled over at him. "I'll see you bright and early, Mal." She concluded. The Dragon Fae nodded and closed the door after wishing her peaceful dreams.

-

It was a Hustle.

Bags and bags were being packed and moved around, according to Lilia they were going to take them all in one trip through the portal to Briar Valley. Realizing it was probably a good thing to pack some of her belongings for the trip, (Y/n) looked back at Malleus.

"I'm going to Ramshackle to pack some belongings. Do you want to tag along?"

With a nod, they were off.

The walk was mostly a quiet one, though once in a while Malleus did point out the architectural facts about certain things. It was mainly about gargoyles, though. It wasn't that hard to figure out how much he'd taken a liking towards gargoyles, though she didn't mind listening either.

"That gargoyle is fairly new, only around sixty years old at most," He pointed out, "Though the gargoyles in and around Night Raven Collage are typically older." "How old?" (Y/n) asked, looking up at him in interest. Malleus smiled down at her, his range showing slightly.

"Well I'm glad you asked. Typically the gargoyles around the school can be close to Five Hundred years old at most. Lilia remembers hearing about them first being put in. Some gargoyles had feared down to the point they were a danger to falling over and breaking off the tops of buildings, that's why some gargoyles look newer, they'd replaced the old ones."

The gate creaked open as Malleus opened it for her, and they both walked through, heels clicking against the cemented steps towards Ramshackle. "Are there some things people mistake for gargoyles a lot?" Malleus nodded at this question. "Many have issues depicting grotesques and gargoyles apart, though in all honesty the differences are there." "Like what?" (Y/n) urged him to keep talking, which Malleus didn't seem to mind all too much. In fact, he seemed open to talk about his hobby.

"Gargoyles are used to protect the building from water damage. They are waterspouts that project from a roof to carry rainwater away from the building. While Grotesques serve no architectural purpose but to be a decorative carving."

"That's very interesting. To be honest at first glance I don't think I would've known the difference. So that's why gargoyles are always typically found on a roof then?" The door gave way with a loud creak of neglect as (Y/n) opened it. She'd made the old abandoned dorm look a bit more liveable, though it was still badly damaged. Cups, bowls, pans and pots were set around to catch the water dripping from the ceiling and a tarp was placed over a large hole in the roof as a temporary fix. Though it was likely to become an issue at one point once filled with water.

"Precisely.. My, this dorm certainly is.." Malleus trailed off, (Y/n) picking it up for him. "Broken down, unlivable?" "In a way, yes. I would've expected Crowley to have at least helped you out some." She shrugged, walking up the stairs to her room and greeting the ghosts on the way past.

"Well, he didn't but I don't think there's much to be done in this dorm to fix it. It's been around too long for simple repairs." She opened her dresser and grabbed her book bag off the ground, emptying it before starting to shove in clothes. Malleus settled down on her bed, and they talked back and forth as she packed a few belongings. Clothes, some perfume and other accessories. When she came out of the bathroom carrying two boxes, he was intrigued.

"What may those be?" "Oh, just some pads and Tampons. I'm supposed to be getting my period sometime towards the middle or end of this week. Crowley was nice enough to pick me up some." She wasn't shy about it, she was a lady after all, it was normal for her.

"I see. I have not seen feminine products in quite a while. They've certainly evolved." She laughed at his words, stuffing them in her book bag and zipping it shut. "Yeah, they certainly have. I can't say they're much different from the ones in my world."

"It's kind of surprising, you don't seem all too bothered by the fact we're talking about my period." Malleus looked up in confusion at her statement, "Is it usual for people to be disgusted by a natural thing? Your body is simply shedding the skin of your uterus. That's normal."

"Uh.. I guess you can say so. Men usually make a big deal of it. They think it's disgusting. Or whenever we're upset they whine that it's our periods."

"Those aren't men then. Those are little boys pretending to be men." Malleus stated. (Y/n) resisted the urge to chuckle, "I guess there's a lot of boys in my world, then." He nodded in agreement, "I suppose so."

-

"It's not what I thought it'd look like."

"What did you think it'd look like?" Malleus joined her at the window of the large castle, peering outside of it with her. The town was pretty dark itself, that was something (Y/n) did expect. "Well.. I kind of expected it to be covered in thorns or something."

He hummed, the commotion of his servants behind him long forgotten about. Malleus' eye was focused on her, his newest companion as of now. How intriguing it was to have someone from a different world treat him with more kindness and love than anyone in the school ever could have accomplished. It wasn't something he'd expected even in the slightest.

"You seem tense." Malleus commented, a hand settling down on her shoulder. He'd half expected her to pull away- in horror or in disgust he didn't know which one, it was welcomed when (Y/n) didn't. "I'm just.. Thinking." She replied.

"Do feed my curiosity."

Oh, it's really nothing. Some things just look.." She trained off, gaze sweeping over Briar Valley from the window, it was fogging over from her breath, and Malleus heard the squeaking sound as she rubbed it off. "Similar?" Malleus finished for her.

"Yeah." (Y/n) answered, "A little bit. Not too much but.. Enough."

"Would you like to take a walk with me later? Perhaps your memory will be jogged if you are able to view the town. The brain always remembers certain types of scenery. Even if you don't think it does."

"Do you think it's possible I'm from here?"

"Perhaps. Only time will tell." He offered her an arm, "Come, it will only be a brief walk. We'll be back before lunch. Lilia," Lilia looked up at the mention of his name, the teacup warm against his pale lips. "Would you mind tagging along?"

"Khehe, why not? A little stroll couldn't hurt anyone." He set his teacup down on a small plate, (Y/n) had seen them before in movies, she didn't know what they were called and frankly, she didn't care.

Lilia stood to his feet, stretching and cracking his back. "Let us be on our way."

#twisted wonderland #x reader #fem!reader #malleus draconia #twist malleus #twisted wonderland malleus #twisted wonderland lilia #twist lilia #lilia vanrouge #malleus x reader #malleus draconia x reader

[havendance]

Sasha Bordeaux Tim Drake Roleswap AU

Because it turns out I have a lot more thoughts on this.

Following Jason’s tragic death in Ethiopia, Bruce Wayne is coping extremely poorly. After a rather public reminder of his grief spiral—I don’t know a car accident or something—the Wayne Enterprises board of directors gets nervous and saddles Bruce with a bodyguard.

Bruce does not like this any more than he does when they pull this move on him in canon post-NML. However, he is also depressed and puts up less of a fight.

Sasha Bordeaux finds herself saddled with keeping alive a very slippery, very depressed man who will disappear on her and return with injuries he doesn’t hide particularly well or bother to explain.

Sasha is a professional. She uncovers Bruce’s secret identity fairly quickly (Bruce is very much not doing well and his secret keeping skills are at an all time low probably) and proceeds to force herself onto his team.

She was hired to keep Bruce alive and if that means she also has to keep Batman alive, then so be it.

After about a week of her following Batman around and involving herself in his business, Bruce relents and begins training Sasha in an attempt to scare her off. It doesn’t work.

Sasha Bordeaux does not become Robin. She is initially a nameless vigilante fighting at Batman’s side. Eventually, she picks up the moniker of Shadow for the way she follows him around.

She also does not have that same bone-deep commitment to the code that Batman and his other allies do. You know the jokes about how Tim only doesn’t kill because Batman says so? That’s more accurate for Sasha here.

That is not to say she’d kill people like crazy if it weren’t for Batman, but she is an adult professional and in a field where sometimes lethal force is necessary. If the decision comes down between her client’s life and the life of their attacker, she will protect her client. She respects and understands Bruce’s reason for his code, and as long as she is acting as a vigilante, she will abide by it, but her refusal to completely believe in it is a source of tension between her and Bruce.

Her attitude towards vigilantism is also different. She is learning from Batman and she fights alongside him, but she is not his sidekick. She is his employee. Her first and foremost priority is him. As time goes on, she does come to value and become more invested in the other parts of vigilantism, but her first priority always remains Bruce.

Having Sasha around does help pull Bruce out of his rut because he now has to think about having another person around him. Sasha’s lack of complete buy-in with his code also forces him to be more aware of it in his own actions.

Tim’s superpower is networking. Sasha’s is not. As a result of this, Bruce remains more isolated in his crime fighting. Without Tim there to drag Dick back, their relationship is much more distant and strained. While they eventually reconcile from the aftermath of Jason’s death, I don’t think they get to the point where Bruce formally adopts him. Likewise, he’ll work with Oracle, but they’re both far more likely to just do their own thing.

Without Tim, Helena doesn’t really make it to the point of ‘in and out’ of Batman’s circle. She stays solidly on the outside. She remains on the Justice League reserves, but she doesn’t have her JLA membership in this AU. Eventually though, she still does join up with the Birds of Prey.

Similarly, Stephanie doesn’t really have any of the teaming up with Tim that she does. All she’s got is her own gumption and Batman telling her to stop.

Let’s take a moment to talk about Knightfall. Jean-Paul Valley happens. Bruce tells Sasha to get him trained up and she does. Bruce still makes him Batman.

When he goes off to rescue Dr Kinsolving though, she refuses to stay behind and keep an eye on Jean-Paul and instead accompanies him. She’s his bodyguard after all, not Jean-Paul Valley’s.

This results in things going downhill even quicker for poor JPV.

To me, this results in Helena having a precursor to her No Man’s Land arc where she realizes that someone needs to step up, but I feel like it’s more likely that she just thinks that Batman’s rally gone off the rails, steers clear of him, and judges him for being so high and mighty for her crossing the line when he’s like this now.

Anyway, Bruce gets magicured and comes back to Gotham. He does call in Dick for help (Dick is still annoyed about the Azbats thing but he comes when called). Prodigal doesn’t happen.

Sasha eventually joins Bruce’s cast of love interests. Since they’re on the same side, there isn’t the inherent drama of Selina or Talia, but I’m sure Bruce can find a way to make it tragic.

Hmm, I’m not interested in retelling canon except Tim’s not there so we’re going to skip ahead some.

Sasha follows Bruce on his No Man’s Land guilt-bender which probably has more guilt since she’s standing there all the time judging him. She also breaks up with him. Because he’s in his guilt-bender era.

We’ve got to build isolation mode Bruce, so let’s say, somewhere during the climax of No Man’s Land, Sasha needs to kill someone, which sparks conflict—

No wait, better idea. Bruce and Dick are at a disagreement over Dick’s decision to join the police force. Officer Down drives them further apart and also results in Alfred deciding to pack up and move in with Dick instead. Barbara is also mad at Bruce because of Officer Down.

When Hugo Strange does attack Wayne Enterprises, Sasha is put in the position where the only option she can see is to shoot to kill.

This leads to a huge argument between her and Bruce where they probably have one of those “you’re fired” “well, I quit” exchanges and she storms out.

They are still, of course, tragically in love though. (I am not the hugest fan of Sasha/Bruce but it has grown on me.)

What happens to Sasha after this? Hmm, let’s say Barbara recruits her for the Birds of Prey because she knows all their secrets and is still a part of this now..

This one of the few times that Sasha is ever a team player. She mainly sticks with Bruce. The only exception is the Outsiders when it’s Bruce’s team. She probably takes over them instead of Alfred (I still think that was the silly sort of comics stupid) which Bruce is in his ‘dead’ era.

But now, it’s time to talk about Tim. For that, we go all the way back to the beginning: Haly’s Circus, the night the Graysons fell.

Tim needs to be an adult in this AU for plot reasons, so we’ll say he was the same age as Dick. Acrobatics was just the latest in a long string of interests his parents had encouraged, so when he met Dick, that was one of the coolest things ever.

And then the Graysons fall to their deaths.

This leaves Tim with recurring nightmares and a new obsession with death and the Batman, something that his parents are uncomfortable with.

One night when Tim’s in high school, while he’s out late with his friends, in places they shouldn’t be, they get into more trouble than they can handle and Robin saves them.

Robin uses a quadruple somersault.

Tim keeps the knowledge close and never talks about it.

Towards the end of his freshman year of college, his parents are killed in a car accident while abroad. He ends up taking his inheritance, dropping out of school and doing his own mini Batman training tour, going here and there, doing odd jobs, learning from whoever will teach him, and doing a class here or there.

He does manage to scrape enough credits and motivation together to get a degree, right around the time No Man’s Land is ending. He’s still pretty aimless, so when he hears that the board is hiring a personal assistant for Bruce Wayne, he applies.

Bruce is in self-isolation mode and absolutely does not want yet another person foisted upon him by the board. Unfortunately, Tim is just as tenacious as Sasha was, he kind of reminds Bruce of Dick (who he misses because he’s sabotaged that relationship so hard), and so, when Tim inadvertently lets on that he knows Bruce’s secret, he starts teaching Tim vigilantism as well. Because he’s also pretty lonely.

Tim is enthusiastic about all of this and is also trying to encourage Bruce to reconnect to people with mixed results. I think he does succeed at getting Bruce and Dick to talk for once in their lives, but most of the time Bruce is not particularly inclined to listen to him and also he had some pretty bad arguments with people.

So Bruce is still on his own when he is framed for murder. Tim, as his live-in personal assistant, is also there and arrested.

Blah blah blah Bruce Wayne: Murderer/Fugitive happens. Dick, who has recently reconnected with Bruce a little more, is like ‘that’s my emotionally distant father figure who I refuse to believe could commit murder’. Sasha also does not believe it due to their previous conflicts and ends up coming back to help the investigation.

They clear his name, but before they can get Tim out, he gets his death faked in prison and recruited by Checkmate.

Bruce still gets very upset by this because, while Tim was kind of annoying, he also reminded him of Dick and the fact that he is dead is hitting some really sore spots for him so he terrorizes Checkmate until they cough Tim up to tell him that he wants to stay.

Tim has been looking for purpose and Checkmate gives him that. It was cool, fighting with Batman, but he was also very much aware that he was coming from outside and Bruce has people supporting him now, so he doesn’t need Tim.

We’re going to skip ahead again to CheckOut because THIS is the big Dick & Tim teamup in this AU.

Tim has done all the OMAC project stuff, he tried to organize a coup against Maxwell Lord to mixed results, he got OMAC-ifified, and he got promoted to Black King afterward despite his youth because he has an A-tier networking game.

And now Checkmate wants to take on Oolong Island, but they can’t because politics, so Tim suggests they Shanghai the Outsiders for a number of practical reasons, but mainly because he is still a major Nightwing fan.

He’s over here like ‘we’ll kidnap everyone except Nightwing because clearly Nightwing is too amazing and awesome for us to kidnap so instead we’ll lure him to us.’

And they like fight and Nightwing recognizes him as that guy who was working with Batman before because of his fighting style and they banter their way across this teamup. I  don’t think Tim ever tells him about watching his parents die because Tim does in fact have tact in that regard, but he has a great time getting to team up with Nightwing. Except for all the torture of course.

But back to Sasha, when Bruce dies, Nightwing takes over as Batman and makes Damian the first new Robin since Jason.

I know I said Sasha probably ended up in charge of the Outsiders, but also I think she should do the Bruce-quest as being one of the most attached to Bruce.

Sasha and Alfred team up maybe?

Anyway, I think I’m going to call it here because this is still plenty long. 

#batman #dc #bats + birds + affiliated #tim drake #sasha bordeaux #tim tag #tim sasha roleswap au #my au ideas #havendance writes #checkmate #carthago delenda est

[acourtofthought]

I like the potential of elucien but they currently have no chemistry. How do you think Sarah will go about their story?

For Elucien it's really as simple as forced proximity. Put them in a situation where they're forced to spend "two weeks alone together" (quote from ACOMAF) and I'm 100% certain that we're going to see exactly why SJM mated them. Heck, give me a day with them alone together, no sisters hovering near by, Elain having no choice but to speak directly too him without the heavy shadow of recent loss hovering over it and we'll see it.

I think some in the fandom are confusing Elain's physical attraction to Az as proof that she has chemistry with him but when physical attraction is used to build romantic chemistry between characters it will always result in a shallow love story. Lucien did find Elain to be the most beautiful female he'd ever seen so I'm not saying attraction can't be there but when you have characters giving into that attraction before something deeper has been established, true chemistry is going to fall flat. Having Az tell us he's avoided Elain for a year while she's still recovering from trauma doesn't call to mind that he's someone she was able to lean on, it doesn't make me believe that he feels anything for her because she could have used his friendship during that time (since she wasn't asking for distance) but he chose to stay away.

It calls to mind desperately crushing on someone in high school, where you watch them from afar, hoping for the day you can be together, and then finally you get your wish but you realize you actually don't know this person at all. You're infatuated with the idea of them rather than the real them.

I'm not saying Elain and Lucien have any sort of wild on page chemistry right now but it was kind of difficult for there to be any while she was mourning the loss of her humanity and Graysen. And though there was a little bit of hope that she was ready to move past that by the end of ACOWAR, she regressed in the novella Likewise was zero chemistry on page between Nesta and Cassian in ACOFAS, when she chose to push him away after the war.

Characters can't have chemistry when they are ignoring their possible love interest, you actually have to see them talking.

As far as how Sarah will go about their story, I think there are a few options.

Right now we have already had Elain volunteering to help with the Trove, Rhys saying that Elain is capable of more than they've given her credit for, that gardening results in something pretty but involves one getting their hands dirty along the way, and Elain saying she'll do whatever is needed.

The options are limitless because of the above.

The issues they currently face are:

Beron allying with Koschei and setting his sights on Spring.

The NC reminding us that they need Springs army as an ally but that Tamlin is even worse after the announcement of Feyre's pregnancy.

Koschei preparing to call Vassa back.

Koschei trying to get his hands on the Trove to free himself so he might rule their world.

The NC could decide they need to utilize Elain's Seer powers and send her to Day Court to help her train her powers. They don't seem very knowledgeable on Seers so Helion's library's might be the best place for her to learn how to train her powers.

The could decide a marriage alliance between themselves and other courts might benefit them and Elain could volunteer to marry Lucien because she's so over the concept of love and men after Graysen and Az's rejection that she's decided she'll simply focus on helping the courts rather than marrying for love (the concept was introduced in SF after all and SJM carried it out an arranged marriage trope in HOFAS).

They could send Elain as an emissary "spy" to the Spring Court. Not in the shadows or anything, just acting as their courtier, where she would gather information on the situation there, to be sure Lucien's reporting has been unbiased.

Elain could end up dreaming of the drums of Calanmai and find herself pulled to Spring on her own.

They could send Elain to the continent to retrieve Mor since Feysands daemati range does not work that far and have Lucien accompany her.

Or something SJM imagines up! I don't think any of us guessed how Nessian would end up being forced together in SF.

#elucien #pro elucien #elain archeron #lucien vanserra

[deathmetalunicorn1]

Beelzebub sees Forgotten Queen and see she have a curse liked him but for her she control it even in death

Turns out after the death of her son she given up hope from her old gods but one answer her and blessed her with a price to keep on fighting while alive

Who the one who bless her?

The demon that all of Valhalla fear, Satan

-Beelzebub knew there was something different about you, not just because you were a powerful female warrior, no there was something else, something darker.

-He could see the traces of shadows around your soul, remnants, almost like a scar from something evil and dark.

-When he first approached you, he could see that you were a fighter, you fought hard in life and you were a survivor. He didn’t know much about you, other than you were a warrior and that your son had been killed by your husband in an act of cowardice.

-You could see that Beelzebub was looking at something, something that was inside of you, as he wasn’t really looking at you and you gave him a small smirk, “You can see it, can’t you?”

-His eyes widened, startled that you realized that he was looking at, like you knew what was there and he cleared his throat, looking a bit embarrassed.

-You invited him back to your home where you prepared cinnamon coffee for him as well as some baked goods, but he only enjoyed the coffee.

-He thought you were very trusting, inviting him into your home, as he was technically a stranger to you, but from what his ‘friend’ Nikola had told him, you could take care of yourself.

-You lifted a hand to your chest and spoke, explaining what he could see, “When my husband tried to kill me, taking the throne, and taking my son, I can’t tell you how hard I prayed to the gods we worshipped, begging for help, not so much to take back my crown, but for my son. They didn’t answer, but then again, they rarely did.”

-He remained silent, listening to your tale, “One being did answer me, not a god, but a being with power, you might know him as Satan.” Beelzebub’s eyes went wide before he spat out his coffee in surprise, completely shocked while you smiled softly, understanding his shock.

-He pointed at you, thinking you were cursed in a similar way, trying to form his words before you explained, “No, he is no longer in my body, but I know his aura is there, like a reminder of what I had done. He gave me the power to fight back, with the agreement that he would be in my body, to experience the battles and carnage, and that he got to keep every soul of those I killed that day. I wasn’t bothered, as they were all evil and corrupt anyway, and I was willing to let them burn for what they did to my people, and for what my husband did to my son.”

-Beelzebub had no idea, you seemed such an honorable person, one who wouldn’t be willing to go to one of the greatest evils in the world to take back what was yours, but he had to pause, remembering that you were a mother, desperate to get your child back from such a vile person.

-When Satan left your body, he left his scar on your soul, as a reminder of what you had done, one that you were willing to carry in life and in death.

-Beelzebub couldn’t help but give you a small smile, “You’re really ballsy.” Your shout of laughter made his smile grow as you grinned over at him, “So I’ve been told. I’m willing to do whatever it takes for those I care about, no matter what.”

-He smiled as you saw him off, waving him, thanking him for his visit, you weren’t a bad person, you were just a desperate mother in a bad situation, and he wasn’t going to judge you for that, or let anyone else judge you either, but he had a feeling not many knew this dark secret you had.

#record of ragnarok #ror x reader #ror beelzebub

[celemilii]

03; HOME SWEET HOME | NOT IN LOVE

(this graphic was made by stardxxst on wattpad, who is the creator of the main plot too)

WATTPAD | INSTAGRAM | MASTERLIST

a/n: hii, how you been doing?? I decided that i'm gonna try being more active in tumblr. Anyways, if you want to be add to the taglist just let me know! Thank you for reading <3

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The sun was setting behind the horizon, painting the sky in warm tones while I was immersed in the complicated task of choosing the perfect gift for Alessia. His eyes would shine with that special sparkle when he unwrapped the package, and that was what he was looking for. But between the shelves full of stores and the pressure to find something unique, my mind wandered to another, more immediate problem.

My family in Spain had sent an invitation that, clearly, I could not avoid. An early party for my birthday. The reason? I still didn't fully understand it, but the simple idea of ​​returning to that home where the sighs outweighed the laughter filled me with anxiety. I was faced with a crossroads of emotions as I walked through the city, oblivious to the flickering lights of the stores around me. My relationship with my family was never easy. Although geographical distance had given me an illusory sense of freedom, the echo of disagreements resonated in every phone call.

My thoughts raced as I walked down the street, trying to evade the reality that was coming. Why, after so many years, did they insist on organizing something for my birthday? It was like my family was trying to force a connection that never germinated.

As I weighed the options for the perfect gift, the shadow of the family invitation lingered in my mind. Should I give in and return to Spain, facing the family I abandoned overnight, or look for a plausible excuse to stay and avoid that unexpected and uncomfortable celebration?

My steps slowed as I fell into deep thought. Despite the thorns in my relationship with family, a murmur of nostalgia and family duty began to take over my thoughts. Maybe, just maybe, this time would be different. Even when past experiences weighed on my back, a small inner voice whispered to me that perhaps the time had come to face them.

Arriving home, the bustle of Brackley was left behind, leaving me alone with my decision. The reality of the invitation became more tangible with each passing minute. I took a deep breath and, with determination, decided to give that family gathering a chance. After all, people could change, or so he wanted to believe.

As I opened the door, the homely atmosphere enveloped me, a mixture of bitter memories and the hope that this birthday could mark a new beginning. With my heart pounding, I headed to my room determined to face the situation. A quick search online and I got a flight for that same afternoon. The sooner I was there, the sooner I could get back to my routine.

The open suitcase on my bed was quickly filled with the necessary clothes. I wanted this trip to be brief, like ripping off a bandage in one go instead of slowly. The idea of ​​the early dinner for my birthday resonated like a clock ticking every second until my departure.

In the process of packing, my phone rang, announcing a message from Alessia. Her excitement when talking about her upcoming birthday reminded me where to buy her the perfect gift once she arrived in Spain.

The door to my room closed with a click, leaving behind a trail of uncertainty and anticipation. The road to Spain stretched before me, and as I zipped the suitcase, I knew that this trip could change everything and, maybe, just maybe, we could become the family we pretended to be in front of everyone for so long. With a sigh, I headed towards the airport so that this torture would end as soon as possible.

The flight passed in a whirlwind of thoughts. I looked out the window as the plane descended over the familiar Spanish land. The nervousness grew with each passing minute, but I kept telling myself that this trip wouldn't last much longer than this weekend. Upon landing, the Spanish storm hugged my skin, a constant reminder that I was back home. I took a taxi to the family home, surrounded by vineyards that stretched as far as the eye could see. The aroma of fresh grapes filled the air, a mix of nostalgia and familiarity.

My parents, busy among the rows of vineyards, barely looked up when they arrived. Although part of me expected a warm welcome, I remembered that in the family, work was the priority. I entered the house, where the stillness mixed with the echo of my own steps.

The afternoon progressed, and I decided to take a walk through the vineyards. The sun cast golden sparkles on the green leaves, and the silence was interrupted only by the whisper of the wind among the vines. Every corner evoked childhood memories, some bitter, others full of innocence.

Upon returning to the house, the aroma of home-cooked food wafted through the air. I would love to say that it is my mother who is cooking but it is Carmen, the woman who took care of me throughout my childhood. By her side, as always, was Rocky with puppy dog ​​eyes, begging for some of what she was cooking. I whistle at my dog, who, when she notices my presence, runs towards me and starts jumping.

“Victoria!” greets the woman with emotion. He approaches me and hugs me tightly. “Come here, let me see you,” he asks, bringing my face towards the light. “Look how pretty you are but you are very pale. Have you eaten anything?”

"The sun doesn't shine much in England," I tell her.

“How is everything there?” I lie down on the floor to be at Rocky's height to hug her. When I left, I decided that maybe it wasn't good to put her through all the stress that comes with her traveling with the rest of the luggage, so I left her here.

“Pretty good, the work is good and I'm traveling a lot. I'm happy," I say with a sincere smile. “How is everything going here?” Rocky climbs over my legs and leans his body against my chest.

“As always, things don't change here. You were right to leave, I'm telling you,” she says while stirring the paella. “That boy... What's his name?

“My brother?”

“No! The one you were dating.”

“David.”

“David!” she remembers. “That one comes here and starts giving orders as if he were the king. I don't know who he thinks he is... After what he did to you, Victoria.”

“Yeah, it's the power that my parents give him, I guess.”

"Well, let everyone go off on it, I'm already tired," she complains. “I'm the next to go, listen to me.”

“How long have you been saying that?” I get up and go over to hug her while I watch her cook.

“I even lost count. How old are you?”

“I'm going to turn 33.”

“Well 35 then because they called me to take care of your brother and then you came to…” the kitchen door opens and I can see my mother, who is in charge of looking at me from top to bottom, as if she were looking for some mistake in me.

“Victoria, I'm glad you arrived” she comes closer and gives me two kisses. “Why don't you get out of the kitchen? You're going to be filled with the smell of food.”

“I'm fine here.”

"We have to talk, Victoria, please," he insists. I share a curious look with Carmen but it seems that she doesn't know much either.

We left the bustling kitchen, leaving behind the familiar aromas of dinner. The fresh stone floor creaked under our steps as we entered the vineyard, enveloped by the darkness of the starry night. The moonlight illuminated the vines, which spread like a green blanket before us.

"Victoria, I need to talk to you about something important," my mother began in a serious tone, interrupting the rustling of the leaves under our feet.

The tension in the air made me frown, and a mix of curiosity and apprehension washed over me. What could be so crucial that we move away from the comfort of the kitchen?

"You've been away for a long time, but there's something you should know about your brother Manuel," she commented, her voice carrying with it the weight of years dedicated to the family business.

My brother has always been immersed in the wine business. From an early young age, he had taken the helm with a dedication that I consciously avoided. The idea of ​​spending my life among vineyards and wine barrels was never attractive to me.

“Manuel has worked tirelessly to grow our legacy,” my mother continued, her eyes reflecting undeniable pride. “He has invested time and effort, and I want you to be aware of that.”

I tilted my head, not entirely sure where this conversation was going. Why highlight Manuel's achievements now?

“Victoria, dear, the reason I'm telling you about this is because I've made a decision. As a birthday gift, I have decided to give you my share of the company.”

My steps faltered. My mother kept walking, but my mind was caught up in the magnitude of her words. The family business, which never interested me, was suddenly being handed to me on a plate, or at least part of it.

“Why now?” I asked, seeking to understand the reason behind this sudden generosity. My mother never does something just for the sake of it, and I know there is something hidden behind all this.

“Because I want you to understand how important it is for us, for your brother. I want you to be part of this, to follow the path we have traced with your father,” she explained, her gaze searching mine with determination.

An internal debate broke out inside me. I always wanted to make my family happy, but that didn't mean immersing myself in the world of vineyards. Responsibility loomed over me, and I felt caught between the desire to please and the struggle to maintain my own identity.

We walked in silence for a moment, the shadows of the vines falling across the ground. Finally, my mother broke the silence.

“Victoria, I just want you to take your time to think about it. This decision does not have to be immediate but I would like to have your answer before you return to England. Your father's share will go to your brother”.

So it's not a gift, it's a division of power. “And if I say no, who will get your part?”

“Well, we were thinking about giving it to David so that the company stays in the family.”

“But David is no longer family.”

"David, Vicky," she pronounces maliciously, knowing the effect that nickname has on me, "is the brother that Manuel never had. You know he will always be family, no matter what.

The night breeze gently caressed my face as I absorbed my mother's words. In the distance, the city lights twinkled like distant stars, and in that moment of shared silence I found myself facing a crossroads that would change the course of my life.

Upon arriving at the house again, the atmosphere seemed tinged with nostalgia and expectation. My father, who was normally immersed in his own world of responsibilities on the phone, looked up and greeted me with a genuine smile.

“Victoria!” He exclaimed, extending his arms to hug me. “What a pleasure to see you here again!”

The warmth of welcome enveloped me, and for a brief moment, we seemed like a united family, like the one we always pretended to be. My brother joined the hug and, laughing, the distance of the months seemed to shorten.

“We are very glad that you decided to come, Victoria,” commented Manuel, his eyes reflecting sincere affection.

However, the calm was abruptly broken when a familiar voice echoed behind me. “Vicky, how long! What a joy to see you again!”

I turned around, and there was David, my ex-boyfriend, with a smile that couldn't hide his arrogance. Surprise and discomfort washed over me as he approached to greet me.

"David," I murmured, without hiding my confusion.

"Yes, my name hasn't changed at the moment," he said with a laugh that I found unbearable.

I tried to hide my discomfort, but David's presence revived wounds that had not yet completely healed. My family smiled and were satisfied at the reunion but I couldn't feel worse.

During dinner, David joined the conversation as if no time had passed, as if he hadn't shattered my trust not only in myself, but in the world. He talked about his accomplishments and his travels, and although his presence was known, I felt like an intruder in my own home.

Discomfort settled on the table like an unwanted shadow. Every forced laugh and unnecessary comment from David echoed in my ears. While my family seemed to enjoy his company, I was sinking into a feeling of unease. Every time Carmen came to serve a plate of food, we shared a look filled with the same discomfort.

I dedicate myself to observing each member of my family and David, who is wearing an engagement ring on his left hand. Within a year he managed to leave me and get engaged to another woman, a record. As I spiraled into looking at my ex's ring, a warmth on my leg caught my attention. I look down and find Rocky's little eyes looking at me so I pet her.

"Victoria, please, we're at the table," she scolds me.

“Excuse me?”

“Don't pet the dog now, it can wait a little. There is a visit.”

"I thought David was family, I didn't think it counted as a visit," I counterattack.

"Don't put me in this position..." she warns.

“You were the one who started to give your opinion.”

“Well because it seems that you have lost your manners, girl. First I find you sitting on the kitchen floor with the dog and now you pet her on the table.”

“She's my dog, what do you want me to do?”

"Take her to England," my father looked at her surprised at that answer because he loves Rocky as much as I do.

“Don't worry, she's leaving with me tomorrow.”

“Enough, both!” my father says.

I inhale and exhale, ready to leave the matter behind but my mother won't keep her fucking mouth shut."I thought England would make it a little more civilized, I'm telling you," he exclaims into the air. I leave the napkin on the table and get up.

“I'm going to take a breath. Excuse me.” I went out to the patio of the house and let out the breath I had held without even noticing. Rocky went out with me so he curls up at my feet, like every time I get stressed. A few steps behind me make me sigh before speaking. “We're fine, Carmen,” I say, referring to Rocky's feelings and mine.

"Well, I'm glad you are, but I'm not Carmen," David says gracefully. “I wanted to know how it went for you in England.”

“No one has died from starting from scratch, right? At least that's what they say.”

“Yeah, but I bet it wasn't easy.”

“I've had to go through harder things with you, believe me,” I murmur and smile when I feel my eyes fill with tears. “But you got married. Who is the unlucky one?”

“Isabel, my…”

"Your secretary," I said for him. Now that I'm a secretary, I can't imagine how someone could end up involved in that way, especially when they have a partner. I couldn't touch Toto with a stick, not only because he's my boss but because he has a wife. I remember her well.

“You remember everything very well, eh?” he responds, trying to make the atmosphere a little lighter.

“I remember it very well, all too well.” I cross my arms and try to focus on the vineyard a few meters from the garden of my house.

“Are you dating anyone?”

“Yes, I married my job.”

“Being a secretary? Vicky, please, you know you can do more than that.”

“Well, your fiancee is a secretary, if I were you I would be careful what you say.”

“Yes, but she's not…”

“She's not what?" I ask offended. I don't like this Isabel, she cheated on me with her, but I'm not going to allow her to continue putting down each of the women in her life for the simple fact that she feels like the navel of the world.

“She doesn't have the same capacity as you.”

“Are you never going to change?” I question with pain. “Are you going to be the same idiot all your life who absorbs the energy of his girlfriends until they are left with nothing?”

As difficult as it was at the time for David to leave me, I realized that it was for the best because, in one way or another, it had followed the same pattern as with my previous relationship, which ended in an altercation with physical violence. David never raised his hand to me, I know he wouldn't dare, but he used me, minimized me and made me feel like the dumbest and most useless person in the world and that is also violence. As difficult as it may be, we must break the pattern before the pattern breaks us.

"I'm not going to discuss that with you."

“Why not?”

“Because I left you for a reason. You were unbearable and demanded too much." I look at him in disbelief as he lets out those words with resentment.

"Seriously, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, I hope that one day you grow up and are able to see everything you lost, David," I end the conversation. I entered the house and, as I walked away, he was left behind.

I would be lying if I said that his words didn't hurt me. That my heart wasn't twisting under my ribs trying to find a nook through which to escape and return to his side. It doesn't kill me that the idea that, after so much love and so many years together, this was the end of us. However, they say that time puts everything in its place. I just hope it helps me be me again.

Without saying goodbye to anyone, I go to my room, whose door I close with a sigh of relief. Dinner had been exhausting and the idea of ​​rest was tempting, so I got changed, opened the door for Rocky to sleep with me, and started searching for local news on my phone.

I was about to leave it and go to sleep but my eyes wandered to a specific note. The name "Fernando Alonso" caught my attention immediately now that I have seen the Spaniard. He is not a person that I like at all, but something about his media presence manages to capture my interest. With a hesitant gesture, I decided to take a look at that interview.

The dim light of the lamp illuminated the room as I immersed myself in the pilot's words. Although my initial intention was simply to browse, I surprised myself by reading every response, every detail of his life that was revealed on the screen.

Fernando Alonso, the man who tries to conquer me as if we were in high school, is a complete idiot. He couldn't deny his talent, but his attitude in the past had left a bitter and contradictory taste. Who goes to work for someone they don't even know?

As the interview progressed, I found myself falling into the trap of his charisma, unraveling layer by layer the mystery that surrounded his figure.

In the corner of my mind, I was trying to convince myself that I was an idiot, someone worthless, but my eyes remained glued to every printed word. Why spend time on someone who, in my own judgment, wasn't worth my attention?

The irony of the situation did not go unnoticed. I tried to convince myself that I didn't care, but there I was, immersed in the virtual pages of the life of a man who, in theory, should mean nothing to me.

At the end of the interview, I closed the screen with a determined gesture.

"It's not worth it," I tell Rocky, "it's not worth it," I tell myself.

I decided to push those thoughts aside and focus on what really mattered at that moment: the decision that loomed over me like a shadow. My parents were waiting for my answer regarding participation in the family business.

The night progressed, and as sleep caressed my eyelids, I faced a vital crossroads. The possibility of returning to England and leaving my mother's offer behind was always present, but something in the atmosphere of the house, in the look of my family, made me hesitate.

The next day, I woke up with a clear decision. My heart, although trembling, was inclined to accept the offer and, not because I was interested but because I am not willing to let an idiot like David continue to take anything from me.

I went down to breakfast with a resolution that was reflected in my eyes. My mother, seeing me, smiled with expectation, while Manuel and my father waited with serious gestures.

"I've made a decision," I announced calmly. "I accept the offer but I have several conditions that you will have to accept if you want me inside." My mother gestured for me to continue. I couldn't care less about wine. I will own half of the company but don't ask me to be here because I'm tired of you dragging me into your shit, especially you,” I exclaim, pointing to my mother. “Manuel has done a wonderful job and I find it disrespectful to barge in on him. On the other hand, I'm not going to leave my job at Mercedes if that was your intention.”

"Your mother and I will continue to manage everything," my father clarifies. “The only thing I would change is your signature on the contract but you don't have to leave anything.” The smile he gives me makes me understand that he means it.

“Where do I sign then?”

The silence that followed was broken by a relieved sigh from my mother and a proud smile from Manuel. My father nodded approvingly, and although the feeling of commitment weighed on my shoulders, a small spark of hope shone within me.

In the hustle and bustle, Alessia kept sending me excited messages about her birthday, reminding me of the pending task of finding the perfect gift. I think I already have it. Nearby there is a place where they sell handmade instruments, you could order a violin and have it carved with your name.

Finally, later that day, my flight would leave and, yes, Rocky would come with me. My parents, aware of my commitment to work, did not insist that I stay; I doubt they would have done so anyway.

Upon arriving in England, the familiarity of Brackley enveloped me. The city, with its familiar streets and warm afternoon light, reminded me of the decisions I had made and still had to face.

___________________________

@vettelsvee @bellinghamsbitch @marshmummy

#f1 #f1 fanfic #fanfiction #formula one #formula 1 #fernando alonso #f1 x reader #fernando alonso fanfic #fernado alonso x oc #not in love #f1 x oc #f1 x female oc #f1 x female #fernando alonso x female reader

[claireelizabeth85]

Come Home To Me - Chapter 6

John Egan x OC Female!Reader

Summary: When the idea of a past life turns out it isn't just an idea or a dream.

Warning: angst

AN: This is a work of fiction and is based on the TV characters from the Apple TV series. No disrespect is intended towards the real men of the 100th BG.

All previous chapters can be found here

---------------------------------------------------------

Lizzy's hands shook slightly as she clutched her coffee cup, taking a slow drag from her cigarette. Sitting outside the pub in the early morning quiet, she felt every rustle of the wind and distant murmur stir up echoes of her past life. Around her, the village was waking up; shadows stretched across the cobblestones, morphing into haunting memories she couldn’t escape. Each sound, rather than soothing, seemed to whisper back stories she wished she could forget. Pulling her jacket tighter around her, she exhaled a cloud of smoke and tried to push away the ghosts that lingered a little too close. Stubbing out her smoke, she made her way indoors, taking a seat opposite Sarah as they settled down to eat. 

“I want to go home, Sarah. I can't stand being haunted by these memories anymore,” Lizzy muttered, her voice a fragile thread amidst the clatter of morning utensils.

Sarah leaned in, her eyes burning with a mix of concern and determination. “What? Are you sure? We’re on the brink of understanding why these memories are resurfacing now.”

Lizzy’s weary eyes met Sarah's. “What does it matter? It’s all past, isn’t it?”

“It’s never just the past with us, Lizzy. Remember your flight to Berlin in February ’45?” Sarah’s voice steadied, heavy with implication. She leaned in closer, her tone conveying the weight of her findings. “I've been digging through the archives, and I found the weather reports prepared on the day of your mission. They noted an unusual cloud bank, described in terms stupidly similar to other incidents years later."

She paused, letting the information sink in before continuing. “But it’s not just the weather reports—there’s more. I've also gone through the after-action reports from the crews who made it back. They spoke of disorientations and malfunctions that seemed to centre around that same cloud bank. It's been mentioned repeatedly, across decades, in different contexts. This isn’t just regular weather; it’s something else, something anomalous.”

Sarah pulled out a folder, stuffed with copies of the documents, and spread them out on the table. “These aren’t coincidences, Lizzy. There’s a pattern here that we can’t ignore. This cloud didn’t just appear in 1945—it’s been a recurring anomaly, linked with multiple unexplained phenomena and disappearances. And I think it’s linked to your memories.”

Lizzy’s fork hovered in mid-air, her appetite lost. “You think a cloud formation is the reason I’m reliving this….nightmare?” Sarah sighed exasperated. “It’s a theory, yes.” 

Reluctantly, Lizzy glanced at the documents strewn across the table.  They seemed to pulse with a foreboding energy, each page a reminder of her last moments in the skies over Berlin. “And you believe diving back into that” she pointed at the weather report with her fork, “will change what’s already done?”

“Yes,” Sarah countered sharply, her voice slicing through the quiet. “Because I can’t stand to see my best friend dissolve into shadows and whiskey. Maybe, just maybe, confronting this can bring you peace. I don’t know, maybe it’ll take you back to John.”

Lizzy's emotions flickered across her face—hope warring with fear. Before she could formulate a response, Sarah’s focus shifted abruptly to the entrance of the bar where Abigail had just entered followed by a man that was not her husband. 

Rising abruptly, Sarah’s chair scraped back loudly against the floor. She approached the couple with a determined stride, her tone polite yet firm. Abigail, who Sarah had seen the day before at the museum, was now accompanied by a different man. He was tall with dark hair, cut into a neat, short back and sides but with enough length on top to style it.  Sarah could hear their conversation and given his tone, the man was unimpressed. 

“You’ve dragged me halfway across the world, to the middle of nowhere, on the word of an old lady. And for what? A pub breakfast?” Abigail frowned, equally unimpressed by his complaining. “If Nana believed her, then we should too. She wouldn’t send us on a wild goose chase without a reason. There’s more at stake here than you realise.”

Sarah coughed lightly to gain their attention. “I’m sorry to interrupt,” she began, holding up the photograph that had unexpectedly altered the course of her investigation. “I know you mentioned yesterday that your identity wasn’t of concern, but I need to understand who you are and where you got this photograph from.”

The tall, dark-haired man took the photograph with a furrowed brow. His initial confusion soon gave way to irritation. “Abigail, what the hell are you playing at?” His voice was tinged with frustration.  Beside him, Abigail remained calm, her expression serene yet confident. She glanced at Sarah, her smile faint but reassuring.  “Like I said, I believed her. There are bigger things at stake, one of them is that photograph.”

Sarah’s own confusion mounted. “So, you recognise the picture? Can you tell me when it was taken?” The man who had not been introduced looked over it and then looked back at Sarah. He shot a look of surprise at his sister before exhaling sharply. “Holy shit,” he muttered, the realisation hitting him. “I hate to admit it, but you were right, Abby.”

As he spoke, Abigail’s gaze was drawn to the table where Lizzy’s distant figure sat hunched over her plate, the man following her gaze. “Is that?” Abigail held his arm “Don’t say anything. She can’t know we’re here. She mustn’t know about us.”

He sighed, the fight going out of him as he stood still, the photograph in his hand. He glanced at it once more, a mixture of awe and resignation washing over him. “Alright, Abby. Let’s see where this goes. But if you’re wrong, you owe me more than just breakfast.”

Abigail nodded, her smile returning as she looked back at Sarah. “We’re here to help, however we can. What do you need to know?”

Sarah turned back to face the woman, her voice a mix of frustration and curiosity. "Why can't Lizzy know about you? What are you to her, and why this secrecy?"

The man accompanying Abigail, now clearly annoyed by the complexity of the situation, threw up his hands. "You have the answers, you explain it. I'm off to get some breakfast." He walked away, leaving the women to their tense exchange.

Abigail motioned for Sarah to sit back down, her expression solemn but with a hint of an authoritative tone. "Ignore him; he’s my older brother and he's always reminding me when I’ve overstepped. But he’s right about one thing—I did start this.” She gestured between herself and Sarah, linking them in the unfolding mystery. “And you're right, you know. You're on the right track."

She paused, her gaze intense and searching. "The key to all of this is Lizzy. She needs to fly again. That's the only way we can begin to untangle this mess."

Sarah scoffed, her scepticism evident. "And how do you propose we manage that? It’s not exactly easy to just hop into a B-17 these days."

Without missing a beat, Abigail slid a flyer across the table from her bag. "I can’t divulge too much about who I am—only that I’m…family. Someone very wise instructed me to come here at this precise moment, hand you that photograph, and ensure that we don’t repeat the mistakes of the past."

As Sarah examined the flyer—a promotional piece for an upcoming air show featuring a fully operational B-17—her mind raced. The plan was audacious, bordering on the insane, yet the urgency in Abigail's voice made it impossible to dismiss outright.

Abigail tapped the photo gently, her voice lowering to a near whisper, compelling and earnest. "And it’s not just Lizzy who needs to fly; you need to be there with her. This is about closing a loop, about healing wounds you both don't fully understand yet."

The enormity of the task weighed heavily on Sarah as she picked up the flyer. Just then, the man returned from the bar, his meal in tow, breaking the intensity of their discussion. As he sat, Sarah stood, clutching the photo and the flyer.

"One last question— who took this photograph?" she asked, needing some tangible connection to anchor the surreal task ahead.

Abigail's face softened, her eyes shimmering with a blend of pride and deep personal connection. "My maternal grandfather. He was there, right in the midst of it all, just like you are now."

With that connection made, Sarah felt a shift in her perspective. This was no longer just about diving into history or helping her best friend—it was personal. It linked them to a family story that spanned generations, wrapping Lizzy and her into a narrative bigger than they had imagined. She looked over at Lizzy, determination setting in. They had a plane to catch, and some history of their own to make.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Sarah and Lizzy were in the museum office, enveloped by the soft murmur of activity as Fred sorted through what they dubbed "donations" from Abigail, organising them into meticulously arranged piles. Despite the normalcy of the scene, Sarah’s mind was elsewhere, wrestling with information she wasn’t yet ready to share. With a casual air that belied her internal tension, she glanced over at Geoff and Fred.

"You wouldn’t happen to know who owns the bomber featured at this weekend’s air show, would you? Any chance we could get Lizzy on board?" she asked, her voice casual but tinged with an undercurrent of urgency.

Geoff and Fred exchanged a look of uncertainty. "We might be able to pull some strings," Fred replied, scratching his head thoughtfully.

"Could those strings possibly extend to Liz flying it?" Sarah probed further, the urgency now barely masked by her nonchalant stance.

The room was suddenly filled with a cacophony of concerns. Lizzy, typically more outspoken, only managed a half-hearted jest, "I haven’t flown in years!" Geoff, more grounded, pointed out, "She's been nearly drunk nonstop for a week; she'd need to sober up first." Fred, ever the sceptic, added, "Plus, her pilot’s licence isn’t even current."

Sarah raised her hands, silencing the room with a firm gesture. "This is about more than just licences or sobriety. Lizzy and I need to be on that plane, and we need to fly it to Germany. It’s our only shot at making things right."

Lizzy laughed, more out of disbelief than amusement. "You want to steal a B-17?"

Sarah's composure momentarily faltered, and she let loose a passionate outburst. "I’ve been buried in archives for days, uncovering everything about this damn bomb group and the hell they went through—the very hell you lived through! I can’t—and won’t—stand by and watch you disintegrate under the weight of haunting memories and a lost love so profound I can literally see it breaking your heart." Her voice softened as her eyes locked with Lizzy’s. "Getting on that plane might be our only chance to end these nightmares."

Lizzy’s scepticism, however, remained steadfast. "And what happens when we hit that cloud bank over Berlin? We just dive right into the middle of a war and hope for the best? I tried that once, remember? Look where it got me."

Sarah’s eyes hardened with resolve, her tone steely. "No more self-pity, Lizzy. And no more whiskey. You're going to get sober whether you like it or not, and you're getting ready to fly. Lieutenant,” she used Lizzy’s rank to underscore her point, causing Lizzy to straighten her posture, “you need to clean yourself up. Check if your flying overalls still fit and remember how to do your hair up properly because you’re going to look the part, even if I have to dress you myself. Understood?"

Lizzy put her glass down, mumbling a resigned “Yes, ma’am,” acknowledging Sarah’s uncompromising stance.

"The nightmares those men endured now plague me too," Sarah continued, her voice unwavering. "And I’ll be damned if we don’t at least try to see if flying through that cloud again can put an end to all this."

Turning back to Geoff and Fred with a determined yet composed look, Sarah requested, "Please, make the call. Let's see if we can list her as a pilot. I'm really counting on this to help her." She paused, her tone softening further, "And could we find a flying jacket that fits? you know how pilots are about the cold.”

Taglist:

@victoryrollsandredlips @bobparkhurst @prettyinlimegreenboots @ginabaker1666 @thedeviltohisangel

#John Egan x Lizzy Waterfield #Masters of the Air #Major John Egan #Lizzy Waterfield #Major Gale Cleven #Major Harry Crosby #Major Robert “Rosie” Rosenthal #Mota #mastersoftheair #mota fanfiction #sarah taylor (oc) #come home to me

[emisprocrastinatingbywriting]

Alone and Forsaken

Chapter 7 Summary:

Two weeks after your heat and Joel Miller remained by your side constantly but refused to touch you. Promises are made but after an outburst, can Joel finally open up to you?

Warnings: Past Trauma, Minor Injuries, Angst and Fluff, Smut, Reader & Joel need hugs fr, Local middle aged man tries to open up, Fluffiness overload, Joel gets injured.

A/N: I'm back! Third year at uni is in the bag but exams almost killed me. It's a long one so buckle up for more backstory on the reader, more loverboy Joel and painful confessions. Fluff and smut galore, as always. Warning that some of reader's memories include physical assault and Joel dives into some of his trauma. Take care of yourselves as always!

Chapter 7/20

Chapter 7: Home

“Bring her around back, I want to talk to her.” 

A pair of arms wrapped around you and hauled you out of the trunk. A dull throb was pulsing behind your eyes as the guard threw you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Blood dripped from your face and you watched through bleary eyes as it splattered against the back of the guard’s coat. 

Two months. Two fucking months of being free, and they had found you because of a mistake. After a month of keeping fires low, slinking around the outskirts of towns and leaving no traces behind, you had been lulled into a sense of comfort. Escaping Paul had been the easy part, traveling alone as an unmated omega was the hard part. After too many close calls with roving bands of raiders that picked through the wreckage of the world for anything they could steal, or anyone, you decided that cities were not for you. 

After walking for days along a cracked interstate with nothing but trees to keep you company, you came across a weathered town that looked like it had been dilapidated long before the outbreak. Most of the buildings were barely standing, years of neglect making them shake and shiver in the wind. You walked for nearly an hour before you found a structure that didn’t look like it was going to be torn down by the next rainstorm. 

Sat at the very edge of town, away from the main road and any of the residential buildings was a small diner that looked frozen in time. As you pushed open the front door, the bell that hung over it announced your entry. Freezing for a moment with your ears peeled for any indication of danger, the dust covered space greeted you with silence. You relaxed and crept slowly through the diner. 

The checkered floors and leather booths reminded you of the Archie comics that your dad used to keep in the bathroom before the outbreak. It was a little run down, with dusty windows and peeling pink paint on the walls, but you loved it. You swept the building for any infected that could be lurking in the shadows, hands shaking as you braced for a stalker to attack. However, you found that your only company was a lonely skeleton in the back office. The shotgun was still propped between their knees and a jagged hole glared at you from the back of the stranger’s head. You winced at the brutal scene, quietly apologizing to the stranger as you eased the gun from their grasp. 

The gun felt weird in your hands, too long and heavy with your only previous experience in shooting being a handgun. Still, dodging infected and raiders for the last month with nothing but a hunting knife had been close to impossible. You thought of your close calls. You thought of the shoe you had left behind in a department store after barely managing to squirm out of the grasp of an attacker. You thought of the night you had spent hidden in a vent while a ruthless group of alphas grew progressively angrier as they tried, and failed, to sniff you out. Suddenly the unwieldy 12 gauge felt like a luxury compared to your inevitable fate without it. As gently as you could, you flicked the safety on and placed it on the desk before looking around. 

The office itself had clearly doubled as the stranger’s hideaway after the outbreak, with a cot left still unmade and jugs of water left from the previous occupant. The kitchen was still mostly stocked and had semi salvageable expired cans of food left on the shelves. Cobwebs caught in your hair as you moved through the place. The front windows were cloaked in dirt and overgrown shrubbery, effectively shrouding the inside of the dining room from prying eyes. After a month of constant running, this place felt like a sign that you were finally safe from the place you had once called home. You were free. 

The month you spent living in the abandoned diner was the first time you felt like yourself. Days were spent pilfering through the abandoned town for anything of use, trading the modest clothes you escaped in for more breathable fabrics. After tossing the old outfit, you managed to get lucky finding some more shells for your gun, some soap and even a pair of boots that could replace your threadbare sneakers. Despite the growing pile of treasures in the tiny office, the real winner was the stash of smutty romances you stumbled upon. 

The banned books that Jake had slipped to you back at camp were nothing compared to these. After two weeks, you had already burned through at least six. The best one, in your opinion, was the one with the handsome, older crime boss who finds a lonely bookkeeper and whisks her off into his chaotic life. After your second time rereading the story you decided it was time to pick up a hobby that wasn’t going to throw you into a heat.

You were unsure if Paul or Josiah were still looking for you but they were not the only threat. After some deliberation, you decided it was time to brush up on your self defense. For the next few days you jabbed and sliced at the air with your knife, trying to perfect your form in case any raider jumped out at you. With that perfected, you moved on to practicing your shot. 

The first attempt was rough, the force from it nearly knocking you over, but you kept at it. Before long, trees, buildings, mailboxes and stop signs all became your targets. You walked freely through town with a gun in your hands and nobody to answer to. It made you feel powerful. A stupid feeling to have in hindsight. 

Two months of dodging your fate ended with one of Josiah’s men taking you by surprise. The moment you returned from a stroll through town, the nameless alpha had slammed the but of a rifle into your nose. You tried to reach for the shotgun but it was kicked away, after which a boot entered your field of vision and knocked you unconscious. A bump in the road had awoken you in the trunk. After a cramped ride where you tried to not pass out from the pain in your skull, you were finally back home. 

You could only assume that what you were being carried towards was your own dramatic execution. Josiah’s future words rang in your ears as you imagined him declaring that no one, not even family, was above his word. You imagined the tightness of your mother’s features as they hung you and hoped Rachel knew enough to keep Miriam away. She would be kicking and screaming at the guards. You could see it all so clearly and it didn’t even scare you anymore. In this world, there were worse fates. At least you had tasted freedom for a moment. 

The wind was knocked out of you as the guard dumped you onto the ground. You groaned, a sharp sting growing on your side as you tried to get your bearings. Before you could place yourself, a large hand came down and wrenched your head backwards. Tears formed in your eyes from the sting in your scalp and you struggled to focus your bleary eyes. 

“Welcome back Angel, you’ve been missed.” 

As the fogginess in your vision dissipated, Paul’s pale face appeared with his thin lips pulled into a sinister grin. His blue eyes raked over your figure as you struggled weakly, amusement and sick lust making him smile wider. Paul tightened his grip and you winced. At that moment, you hated him so much for everything he had done and hated him even more for everything he was bound to do. Before you could even think about it, a wad of spit flew from your mouth and landed on his pale cheek. 

Paul cussed and you laughed in his spit soaked face as it shifted into something much darker. In an instant he slammed your body down to the ground. Your skull thumped back against the earth and your ears started to ring. A groan bubbling up from your throat was cut off as Paul wrapped his hands around your neck. His eyes were cold in comparison to the sick pleasure portrayed on his face. You used every bit of strength to fight him off but it was no use. Paul laughed and leaned over you, his face inches from yours as he spoke. 

“You know, if it was anyone else I would have let it go. But you,” your eyes bulged as his grip tightened, “You’re different. Sneaky, mouthy, and such a fucking tease. I knew you needed a strong alpha like me to train you, someone who wouldn’t spare the rod on your entitled ass.”

Despite the dots speckling the corners of your vision, you fought him as hard as you could. The smacks to his arms and chest got progressively weaker as your body succumbed to his grip around your neck. Your chest burned with the need for air, but you tried desperately to stay awake for as long as you could. This is it, you thought, this is how I’m going to die. 

Just before the lack of oxygen finally took you under, Paul leaned down and whispered in your ear, “It’s okay Angel, you’ll be mine soon enough.” 

-

A cry echoed in the quiet room. Your heart raced painfully in your chest, making it nearly impossible to breathe as you choked down sobs. The walls shrunk around you and the need to flee your surroundings suddenly became overwhelming. 

As you moved to get up, a heavy weight across your chest stopped you. Terror pierced your racing heart as the warm object pinned you to the sheets. Paul’s grip on your neck still lurked in the corners of your mind and you started to thrash against the weight. A masculine grunt came from your left and you screeched, wrestling your way out from under the stranger. Clumsily, you dropped onto the floor and rolled away, scuttling back until your shoulder blades hit the wall. 

“Darling? Wha - Hey, where’d you go?”

Your eyes snapped back up to the bed and the memory you were trapped in moments before began to slink away. A shaky sigh escaped your lips at the sight of a very groggy and confused looking Joel. He blinked down at you as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Joel’s curls were adorably flattened on one side of his head, meanwhile the other side looked like he had suffered an electrical shock. You sighed at the sight. The softness he exuded in the mornings suited him. You smiled weakly at him and his eyes narrowed at your trembling form against the wall. 

Slowly, like a hunter trying not to scare a wobbly deer, Joel eased himself onto the floor. You tried to focus on tracing the scars on his burly chest with your eyes, unwilling to look at him head on as he knelt before you. Joel cupped your face, his rough hands making you hum as he tried to tilt your face towards him. After a few moments of dodging eye contact, you relented and slid your gaze up to meet his. 

“Baby,” was all he said before you immediately broke down. 

Joel shushed you as you burrowed your face into his neck, crying against his skin as he leaned back against the side of the bed. Gingerly, he pulled you onto his lap and wrapped his strong arms around you. He began to rub soothing circles against your hips, letting you snuffle at his musk as he whispered sweet nothings. You cried and Joel held you, pulling you back into his embrace each time you tried to pull away prematurely. After the third time that you tried to pull away from him, he snapped. 

“God dammit honey, just cry. I won’t judge ya, just stop pulling away for Christ’s sake.” 

You laughed at his words. It was like Joel knew you better than you knew yourself, like he knew that you had always had to be strong. He wanted you to be soft with him and so you let yourself cry. After a few minutes of sobbing against him, the shaking slowly ceased as the dream receded from your mind. 

“Had another dream huh?” Joel asked quietly. 

He sighed at your silent nod. 

The dreams were a new addition to your night and they had taken a toll. After your heat had petered out, his rut had followed. You were worried at first, scared that he would retreat back to his place on the couch and pretend that nothing had happened. Joel had said he loved you during his rut, but he couldn’t have meant it. Right? The fear of losing him had plagued your mind the first morning. However, after a mere ten minutes of needless worrying, you were pleasantly surprised by a kiss dropped into your hair at breakfast. 

“No oatmeal, as requested darling,” was murmured against your bedhead as Joel placed the plate in front of you. 

Once you had bugged him about his promise that you could help out, the two of you had cleaned up in peaceful silence. Joel seemed to be in good spirits, even rolling his eyes when you whipped him with a towel halfway through the task. Despite the stern look on his face, you could see the small smile that pulled at the corners of his lips. The first night after your heat with Joel was perfect. With the burning need that raged through your bodies finally quelled, the two of you had slept soundly in each other’s arms. 

It was the second night that a nightmare about Paul jerked you from sleep. Despite Joel’s vehement assurances, you were mortified at the memory. He had woken up that night to you kicking and screaming at him. As you fought against him, he had expertly rolled the two of you over and caged you in. Joel was patient that night, using gentle words to coax you back to reality until you were crying in his arms. 

After that first nightmare, two weeks passed and every night the memory of Paul would come back to haunt you. The recurring dreams made you dread sleep. Each night, you tried everything to ignore the urge to rest. You read, you tried and failed to play guitar, you drew terrible caricatures that made Joel laugh, and you even risked his wrath by asking him about his past. Unfortunately for you, Joel had learned how to dodge your questions and began to take that as a cue that you needed to sleep. You tried to evade it but eventually he dragged you to bed, no matter how many probing questions you sent his way. 

With two weeks gone, nothing had changed. Paul appeared each night to torment you and Joel comforted you afterwards. You felt guilty but he refused to accept any apology. 

“S’not real darling. You’re here, you’re with me. I gotcha baby,” Joel crooned as you tried to match his steady breaths. 

The shakes slowly petered out and you sighed, kissing his shoulder in thanks before you leaned back to look at him. Joel’s face nearly always remained schooled but his emotions were plain as day in his eyes. Worry, sadness, anger, and love, all danced in the pools of brown as they raked over your figure.  

“It was him again, from when they caught me. He was choking me and no matter how hard I -,” you stopped and shook your head before the sobs started again. 

There were a few other memories that had resurfaced in the past two weeks but that was the only one that came back consistently. Joel had listened to your account of the memory in full the first night it appeared, and you watched as he tried not to burst the blood vessel in his forehead. Rage poured off of him and soured his comforting scent, pulling a whine from you that forced him to soften his anger. He had remained soft every night since. 

Joel pulled you from your thoughts as his forehead knocked against yours gently. You closed your eyes, breathing the same air as him for a moment as he brushed his hands up and down your sides. The warmth that radiated off of his skin eased the chill of the early morning and you sunk further into his lap as Joel tried to gather his words. 

“I know that… I’ve… Well, you know after Sarah, there were a lot of nights where… Fuck… And with El- no… Shit honey, m’sorry, I’m real bad at this.” 

You giggled and Joel huffed a laugh before he tried again. 

“Memories have a bad habit of chasing you. And I’ve deserved mine for everything I- … Well, anyways, I know how it feels to have dreams make you feel like you did when they happened, but they’re not real. Not anymore, even if it feels like it,” he said. 

Without opening your eyes, you asked quietly, “What happened to yours? Will my… Do they ever go away?”

Joel stiffened for a moment and you winced, rubbing your face against his neck until you felt him slowly relax again. His rut had certainly forced him to be vulnerable with you and after it was over, Joel tried hard to not close himself off again entirely. Whether it be through fleeting kisses or soft words, Joel Miller was trying for you, even though you could tell it was hard for him. It made you love him all the more. 

“Honestly I don’t know. I had them every night before we… Well -,” he cleared his throat, “- before we - er - got together. But now I - I don’t know. They’re just gone. Maybe they’ll come back one day. I hope not, but who knows.” 

You snorted. 

“You have literally knotted me and you can’t bring yourself to say that we fucked? I can. We fucked. Easy as that, see?,” you jabbed. 

Joel rolled his eyes and leaned forward to bite playfully at your shoulder as you squealed. 

He tsked, “Tryin’ to be a gentleman here darling. Christ, you’ve got some mouth on ya.”

You laughed at his words and Joel smiled at your change in demeanor before you grew serious once more. 

“I really hope my dreams go away too,” you whispered. 

Joel made a sympathetic noise as you sat there sullenly, carding your fingers through the salt and pepper hair that covered his chest as you tried to blink away tears. Before you could sink too far into yourself, he snatched one of your hands from his chest and brought it to his lips. The small act made you forget the misery that panged in your heart and you smiled at him. 

“Made you something,” he murmured. 

Excitement rushed through you and you perked up. Joel laughed and lifted you back onto the bed, placing you gently on the soft sheets before he moved to get up. Before he could escape, you threw your arms around his neck and kissed him. Joel let out a surprised noise as your lips met his, freezing for a millisecond before he leaned in. 

One calloused hand pushed you forward by the small of your back while the other held your neck in place. His tongue ran along the seam of your lips and you moaned, granting him access to your mouth. You whined at the heat that radiated off of Joel, all you could think about was how his warm body felt against your own while he slammed into you. Need crept up from your core, different from the need you experienced during your heat but no less demanding.  

Before the two of you could get too carried away, Joel broke the kiss abruptly. His cheeks were dusted with pink and his lips were swollen. A string of spit connected your lips as you parted and you whined at the sight. You watched as Joel’s dilated pupils looked down at your lips, his irises slivers around the all consuming black that sent shivers down your spine.  

You wanted this. You wanted him so badly that you could hardly think but as you moved to lean in once more, Joel cleared his throat and stood up. The whine that left you was embarrassing but you didn’t care, and it seemed neither did he. Without another word, he leaned down once more, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek before he stood up.  

“Just gotta go get it, one sec.” 

Joel spun on his heel and waltzed out of the room, leaving you with wetness gathering between your legs. You tried not to be annoyed but it was hard. He had been more open in his feelings for you since his rut but kept his body off limits. 

After days of his tongue, fingers and cock making you cum until drool dripped from the corners of your mouth, he cruelly shut off the tap. It was frustrating, but you tried to make due with the sweet words and heated makeouts. It was better than nothing. You needed Joel in any way he would have you, which made you feel progressively more pathetic each time he rejected you but you ignored the sting in hopes that he would break someday. 

Joel interrupted your sulking as he came back into the room. He cautiously stepped forwards and smiled nervously. You swallowed a laugh at the alpha’s boyish demeanor as he stopped in front of you. Joel sighed and thrusted the gift out from behind his back. 

“It’s not much darling but I - Well, I don’t know. I just think that if we had met before the outbreak I would’ve gotten you flowers. But I mean, I can’t just go to the store anymore so I don’t know, I made this,” he explained shyly. 

In his hand was a wooden carving. It was not unlike the carvings that adorned the living room, except this one was delicate. It was a rose made of a light colored wood with petals carved to perfection. They bloomed outward from a skinny stem that was adorned with two small leaves. You gasped and took it from him, twirling the gift in your hand before you spied small lettering under one of the leaves. In careful lines, he had carved a small I love you.

Joel cleared his throat and you looked up. His jaw was set with his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides as he analyzed your reaction. You opened your mouth to praise his gift when he suddenly reached out and tried to snatch it back. 

“Joel!,” you admonished, slapping his hands away. 

“S’nothing darling. I don’t know why I thought it would be a good idea. You don’t need to guard my feelings, it’s a dumb gift. Barely even a gift really,” Joel rushed out as his cheeks reddened with embarrassment. 

After placing the gift down on the bed, you crawled over to the edge and rose to place your hands on his cheeks. His dark eyes snapped to yours, breath catching in his throat as you pressed a soft peck to his lips. 

“I love it Joel. I haven’t been given a lot of gifts but that one is definitely my favorite. Thank you. And, um hello? You can’t just give me a gift and then take it back. That’s like against the rules or something. I love it. I love YOU,” you chided. 

A small smile bloomed on Joel’s face and he looked away, scuffing his feet against the floor for a moment before he looked back up at you. The redness in his cheeks grew as his teeth worried his bottom lip, guarding the goofy grin that threatened to break out on his face at your praise. 

“Well alright then baby, m’glad you like it,” Joel murmured, leaning forward to brush his mouth against yours. 

Jumping at the chance, you dove into him again. You pressed the front of your body against Joel’s as your lips met. He groaned and placed his rough hands on your hips, yanking you into him as his tongue mingled with yours. Heart pounding in your ears, your shaky hands tugged at Joel’s soft curls and drifted down his abdomen. Just as you reached his belly button he stopped and pulled back. A pinched groan rattled your chest as he placed his forehead against yours again. 

“Dunno if it was worthy of THAT big of a thanks baby,” he chuckled. 

You giggled and nipped at the scruff on his jaw as you whispered, “Maybe not, but what if I want you to fuck me anyways?” 

Joel groaned as you worried the skin on his neck between your teeth, the action making his hips twitch forward on impulse. You felt his resolve slipping and you pulled back, eyes full of longing as you waited for him to do something. Anything. 

“Darling I -,” Joel halted and sucked his teeth. 

He stared at your lips for a moment, seemingly at war with himself while you squirmed before him. The impatient whine that rang out seemed to sober him and Joel sighed.  

“I should get to making us some breakfast. Can’t have you starving on me when we’ve got chores to be getting to.” 

Joel raised your hands to his lips and kissed the backs of them. He ignored your groan, leaving you high and dry on the bed for a second time that morning as he practically jogged out of the room. You sat there slack jawed and frustrated, staring at his hulking frame as he scampered down the hallway. 

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” you scoffed. 

A booming laugh echoed from the end of the hall and you cussed. You hadn’t meant for your distress to be that loud but your desperation for Joel had loosened your lips. Sighing, you slipped from the warm sheets. 

Save for the undergarments and pants, the clothes that Joel had originally intended to be yours were all but abandoned. Instead, you found yourself in one of Joel’s sweaters or shirts constantly. You loved it and he didn’t seem to mind. In fact, his eyes had lit up the first time you came out in his clothes and continued to since. Plus, the act of wearing his things was like a cheap replacement to the mark you hoped he would one day claim you with. 

A chill ran down your spine from the frigid air and you threw one of his flannels over a pair of jeans, tucking the excess fabric into the waistline to keep it from swallowing you whole. You weren’t tiny by any means, but Joel’s broadness meant that his shirts were practically dresses on you. After you shoved your feet into some knit socks, you combed through the knots in your hair. Looking into the mirror, you sighed at your appearance and cursed the outbreak for leaving you without beauty products. Prodding at your hair only seemed to anger the unruly strands so you gave up and turned away from the bedroom. 

As you padded into the kitchen, the savory smell of Joel’s cooking wafted in the air. He stood at the stove, humming an unfamiliar tune as he stirred the leftover stew in the pot. He turned and smiled, nodding towards the mug of steaming tea that he left on the counter for you. Shrugging off your thanks, he turned back to the stove. 

You eyed the muscles in his strong back flex as he stirred for a moment before you crept up behind him. He chuckled as your arms wrapped his midsection, burrowing your face into his shirt to huff at the deep aroma of sandalwood and bergamot. It tickled your nostrils as you breathed in deeply, making you hum as you swayed against him. Joel squeezed your hand and swayed with you for a moment. 

“How ‘bout you get the table set and I’ll finish up?,” Joel asked. 

You sighed, giving him one last tight squeeze before you let go and moved towards the cutlery. The front end of the cabin was bursting with light as you strolled towards the table. The morning light shone down on the scuffed wood as you placed the cutlery. Your mind wandered as you worked. 

It was the same scuffed wood that had rubbed against your front as Joel had fucked you stupid two weeks prior. The thought of it made you smirk as you remembered his animalistic thrusts. The both of you had been so desperate for each other and now the lust in Joel was just gone. You tried not to dwell on the loss, instead focusing on the thought of him slapping your pussy and forcing you into a mind breaking orgasm as you tried not to cry. 

Joel interrupted your thoughts as he emerged from the kitchen with two steaming bowls of food. Picking up on your heated expression immediately, Joel’s eyes darted between the table and you before he chuckled. He shook his head at you, giving you a playfully stern look as he placed breakfast down on the table. You gave him a nervous smile as he pulled out your chair and leaned down to kiss the top of your head. The small act of pulling out your chair was something that he had taken to doing every day, but it never failed to make you blush.  

The meal was shared in comfortable silence. His foot knocked against yours and you knocked him back. After one too many nudges, Joel reached down and grabbed your ankle, playfully yanking you forward off your seat.You yelped and dropped the spoon that was halfway to your mouth as you grabbed the edge of the chair to keep your ass on the seat. Joel looked very pleased at the shock on your face as he returned to his food. 

“Alright, now eat. We’ve got some chores to finish before the day gets too gone,” he chuckled, placing your foot back on the ground before he moved to shovel stew into his mouth. 

You poked him with your foot one last time and giggled at his pointed look before you returned to your breakfast. 

 - Joel - 

Joel watched as the wind ruffled your hair, the sunlight accentuating the high points of your cheekbones as you stooped down towards the river. He tried not to stare but he couldn’t help it. 

He was enamored with how you moved and how carefully you treated everything you touched. 

Even him, the man that had burned Salt Lake City to the ground with his bare hands. The man that poisoned everything he touched. You even treated him with the utmost care. It made him feel warm and wanted, as well as slightly guilty. Joel didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve you. He knew that, but his feelings for you made it all so much more complicated. 

You moved to fill the bucket with water. He watched the muscles in your arms flexing as you drew it back to the surface and up over the bank. There was a part of Joel that wanted to go over and chivalrously offer his assistance but he knew you would just shoo him away. It wasn’t that he didn’t think you could lift it, he was well aware of how strong you were. It was just that he liked having someone to fuss over. It gave him purpose. 

Joel sighed wistfully as he watched you stand and wipe at the sweat that covered your brow. As he watched you bend over to pick up the bucket, the breath stalled in his lungs. The jeans that you chose today did little to hide the curves that had filled out since your arrival and he cussed as he felt himself harden. 

For two weeks, Joel kept away from you. The memories of your curves, your pretty moans, and your tight cunt all haunted him. Joel wanted nothing more than to stomp over and tear the bucket from your hands. He wanted to tear your pants down and pound into your wet heat right there amongst the snow until you screamed, but he refrained. 

Why? That was a question Joel asked himself more and more with each passing day. He had already had you more times than he could count, with each time better than the last, but it wasn’t enough to convince him. He couldn’t do it because he needed to make things right. 

Before the outbreak happened, he hadn’t dated much. When Sarah was small, she was an easy excuse. Nobody ever expected the unmated alpha to give up time with his precious pup. However, the older Sarah got, the harder it became to attribute his unwillingness to try on his increasingly independent preteen. 

Joel had really tried a couple of times but it never seemed to work out. He even let Sarah and Tommy convince him to sign up for one of those god awful dating sites once but that was also a failure. Joel chalked it up to lack of chemistry or his gruffness each time, but the truth was that he simply didn’t want to sit in a dimly lit restaurant and make small talk with someone who would blanch after he told them about Sarah. He couldn’t stand anyone blanching at the thought of meeting his favorite person, it made him feel sick to his stomach. 

Two years before the outbreak, after a date told him that he needed to be realistic about his prospects as an unmated alpha who already had a pup, Joel had simply stopped trying and resigned himself to commitment-free hookups. He preferred it that way anyways. He had his little girl and his idiot brother, what more could he ask for? Once the world had ended, dating and love in general vanished in his mind. It was all about survival. Any dreams of romantic interest or mating was set aside for quick fucks to keep himself from slamming his head through a wall. Nevertheless, after meeting you, Joel remembered how he used to dream about it before Sarah died.  

He remembered imagining what it would be like to meet his true mate. His mind would drift off on worksites, thinking about how he might treat them while he waited out a burst of rain in his truck. Joel imagined giving his future mate flowers, opening doors and pulling out seats, giving them soft kisses at the end of a nice date. 

He wanted to be the guy that did things just to make his mate smile, all while keeping his touches fleeting until the moment was perfect. That was how he was raised. That was how a gentleman would approach someone they wanted to mate. That was who you deserved. Joel wanted so badly to be that alpha for you, despite the fact that his rut had foiled part of the plan and he now spent most of his time around you hiding his raging boner. He was so close to breaking, and he knew that you were very aware of it. It drove him nuts. 

When you had crawled to the end of the bed and wrapped yourself around him, dressed in nothing but his shirt and a cute pair of blue panties, he had nearly lost it. Joel had tried not to think about the slick that undoubtedly pooled in the fabric. He tried not to think about loosening you up with his tongue before driving his cock deep inside of your tight cunt. Practically keeling over with the effort, Joel had barely managed to peel himself away from you so he could scamper off to the kitchen under the guise of making breakfast. 

As Joel stood before an unchecked trap in the afternoon sun, he tried to inconspicuously re-adjust himself before you had the chance to look up at him. When he agreed to let you help him with chores he didn’t think about the fact that he would have to listen to your grunts of exertion and see the sweat glistening deliciously on your body as you worked. Day in, day out, it was the sweetest form of torture. A form of torture that made him lock himself in the bathroom at the end of each day to pitifully tug at his cock in the shower, muffling his groans into his fist as he came shamefully to the thought of you. 

As you approached him, Joel quickly flipped himself into the waistline of his pants and smoothed his coat over his front to hide any evidence of his arousal. The last thing he needed was to see your knowing smirk at his hard dick. It would only give you more ammo to pierce through his already weakened armor. For years Joel had gone without so much as a twitch from his cock, and now the damn thing never knew when to rest. He was powerless when it came to you. 

“I’m gonna head back and shower if that’s it. Do you need any help with the trap? You’ve been standing over it for a hot minute,” you asked sweetly. 

Joel’s cock throbbed painfully against the confines of his jeans at the sweet words and the way you looked up at him. The whine that clawed its way up his throat was covered in a strangled cough as he knelt down to mess with the trap. Joel felt your gaze on the back of his head but he elected to ignore it. He knew that if he looked up he would be burying his face in between your pillowy thighs in an instant. 

“Yeah uh, that’s fine. M’ just gonna be another minute out here and then I’ll be in,” Joel mumbled as he prodded at the empty trap. 

Joel waited for you to leave but your feet stayed rooted to the ground in front of him. With no other choice, he stood and slowly met your gaze. A line formed between the brows of your pinched face. He watched as you wrestled with your thoughts and tried not to puke from nervousness. 

“You could… um… You could always join me. In the shower, I mean. If you wanted to,” you proposed. 

The hopeful look on your face was too much. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Fuck yes, is what he wanted to say. But instead, Joel stood there dumbfounded as your cheeks grew redder with each second that passed. His stomach twisted as your hopeful expression fell and still, Joel said nothing. His mind screamed at him but he felt like he was locked in himself, unable to move, unable to talk, unable to think. Instead, he watched your crumpled face turn back towards home. 

Joel watched you leave in silence, unsure of what to do until a breeze laced with your soured scent slapped him in the face. With his instincts screaming at him to keep you safe and cared for, he surged forward. He dropped his tools and clumsily ran after you. The muffled cries that Joel heard made him wince. He shakily reached out to touch your back, but dropped his hand when you wheeled around to face him. 

Your face was red and splotchy, with tears leaking from the corners of your eyes as you frowned at him. Joel froze again. An overwhelming feeling of guilt dizzied him. He tried to think of something to say as he stood before you but words failed him. 

“Are you ever going to touch me again? Or am I that horrible?,” you snapped. 

He stumbled back as if you had slapped him. His mind reeled at the questions. 

You sniffed, shaking your head again as you continued, “I know that I’m not what you might have wanted for yourself, I know that I’m… me. But you can’t just promise to mate me one day and then be done with me the next. Was it just the rut talking? Are you disgusted with me now? Because if so tell me or else it’s… It’s mean Joel! You’re being mean to me.” 

The words hit slammed into Joel’s chest like a ton of bricks. Pain nipped at his heart and he roughly yanked your face towards his. He searched your eyes as he tried to comprehend how you could possibly think he felt that way. 

“Baby, I love you because you’re you. You’re everything I could have hoped for. I just haven’t hoped for anything in a long time sweetheart, so I ain’t great at it. But all I do, day in and day out, is think about you and how good you look in my bed,” he urged, thumb coming down to trace over your lip as it trembled. 

“Then, why -,” you started to ask, only to be cut off by Joel’s rushed words. 

“Because! I - shit honey. I wanted to do this right, I wanted to treat you like a lady - my lady. I know we already… fucked, as you worded it but you deserve a gentleman. Someone to treat you with respect, someone to court you and all that before claimin ya,” he said, the words strained and clumsy. 

You stared at him silently as Joel’s eyes searched yours for any sign of understanding. Just as he opened his mouth to keep going, he was cut off by laughter. His brow furrowed in confusion as you chuckled in front of him. 

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me Joel,” you wheezed in between shaky breaths.  

Joel gawked at your reaction. 

“What is this? Is it 1847? Are you gonna ask my father for my hand? Gonna make him pay a dowry to you? Gonna mount me in front of the whole wedding party to make sure the bond is consummated?,” you teased. 

Joel scoffed and placed his hands on his hips. Cocking his hip out, his lips came together in a tight line to keep his annoyance at bay. He knew you couldn’t possibly understand what it was like before so he kept his snarky words to himself. When Joel looked up, the previous laughter turned into a sweet grin and he melted. Your arms wrapped around his neck, effectively shutting off his brain as his senses were overwhelmed by you. 

“Joel, I get what you’re trying to do but there’s no need. You’re good to me everyday. I’ve never had anyone love me like you do. But I just… I miss you and you’re right in front of me. Don’t you miss me daddy?,” you asked, the last part coy as your eyes twinkled with mischief. 

He choked on his spit and coughed as your fingers tugged at the curls on the back of his neck. Joel closed his eyes and groaned with every ounce of restraint leaving his body. He felt as one of your hands moved from his hair and dragged down the softness of his abdomen. The hand grasped his belt buckle, pulling his hips flush with your own. Joel’s eyes snapped open and he growled as your fingers inched along his waistline. 

“Fuck it,” Joel sighed as he threw you over his shoulder. 

 - You - 

You squealed as Joel’s rough hand swatted your ass. His strides were long and determined as he moved through the trees. He ignored the way you giggled and begged him to put you down. The daddy card was a cheap card to play but you knew it would work. 

“Just HAD to say that,” he griped, “Tryna do something nice for ya darling, tryna treat you right. But all you want is for me to treat you like my little slut, is that it? Need my cock in you that fucking bad huh?” 

His dirty words made you squirm and moan. The squirms earned you another quick slap to your ass as Joel reached the stairs to the cabin and took them two at a time. The door was practically ripped off of its hinges on the way in from the force of his pull. You gasped at his strength, half turned on by the spectacle and half pissed that he would risk tearing the door off the cabin in the middle of winter. 

“Joel!,” you meekly scolded through a thick cloud of arousal. 

He didn’t answer you. Instead, Joel simply smacked your ass once more before he slammed it closed. His determined strides reached the bedroom in seconds and he tossed you on to the bed. You bounced against the mattress from the force of his throw and scrambled to position yourself in a more alluring way. Anticipation boiled in your gut, and you watched as his eyes zeroed in on the wet spot on your panties.  

“Strip and lay down on the bed,” his gruff voice demanded. 

You paused for a moment. His quick shift from caring mate to domineering alpha both excited and dizzied you. All Joel had to do was give you a pointed look and you sprung into action, clumsily tearing off of your clothes under his stare. He smirked, slowly taking off his leather belt and unbuttoning his flannel as he watched your desperate movements. 

After kicking the panties off, you laid back against the cool sheets and tried not to lose your mind. Joel shrugged off his flannel, letting it fall to the floor before he unzipped his jeans. Your mouth watered at the sizeable bulge in his boxers that peaked out from his pants as he stalked around the bed. Joel reached down and softly moved errant strands of hair from your face. The smile that he gave you as you nuzzled his hand made your chest ache.  

“Sweet girl,” he praised quietly. 

Joel leaned down and kissed your forehead, letting his lips linger before he grabbed both of your hands. You whined as you realized the purpose of the belt. Need rushed through you, slick starting to stick to your inner thighs as Joel expertly wrapped the leather around your wrists. He stopped, kissing both of them softly before he secured them to the headboard. He quickly checked the hold, making sure they weren’t too tight before he loomed over you. 

“If they are too tight or if you want to stop, just let me know m’kay? Want to make you feel so good honey,” Joel drawled as he left a soft peck on the tip of your nose. 

Blushing at him, you nodded enthusiastically at his words. He smiled and moved to stand at the end of the bed as you squirmed. Joel reached down and pulled your legs apart, his ravenous gaze trained on the slick that dripped onto the sheets. Your face burned at his unflinching gaze. Suddenly overwhelmed by the attention, you tried to snap your legs closed but Joel stopped you. 

“Don’t you dare hide from me sweetheart. You’re fucking perfect,” he chastised as he eased your legs back apart. 

A strained moan came from Joel at the sight of you laid bare. One of his hands moved to palm his cock through his boxers. Joel pulled himself from the confines of his jeans and your cunt clenched around nothing. The sight of his cock made you yank at the restraints again as he slowly dragged his hand up and down his length. 

“What baby? See something you like?”

You nodded, giving Joel the best puppy dog eyes that you possibly could as he tugged at his length. He indulged the sight of your desperate state before he let his cock go, reaching forward to coast his hands over your thighs as they shook. Your hips rose slightly from the bed and he forced you back sharply.

“Use your words,” Joel snapped. 

The harshness of his words broke you. 

“You! Please, I can’t go any longer. I need it, need you too fuck me so bad” you cried. 

Joel dove in between your legs, kissing and biting his way up your right leg as you groaned. His teeth reddened the delicate skin on the inside of your thigh. The marks he left would undoubtedly turn to bruises later and you loved it. He stopped just before the crease in your thigh, allowing his breath fan out over your glistening lips as your clit twitched. Your breath caught in your throat and you silently willed him to lean forward. Joel licked his lips, staring at your seam hungrily for another moment before he turned to kiss up your other leg. 

“Ugh, please! Just fucking touch me, I can’t - shit, please Joel,” you whined, kicking your feet as Joel chuckled darkly against your skin. 

“I am touchin ya darling. Dunno whatcha mean,” he drawled, lips brushing against your skin with every syllable. 

Before you had a chance to answer with a clear mind, Joel returned to sucking and biting marks into the soft skin. The headboard banged against the wall as you thrashed against the restraints. You panted as Joel moved up your leg, trying desperately to find the words to beg for what you needed as he neared your clenching heat.  

“F-fuck me! Please fuck me! I need your cock in me - shit, daddy please!,” you suddenly wailed. 

Tears of desperation slid down your face as you cried and Joel quickly crawled up your body, kissing every inch of skin he came across before he met your lips in a soft peck. He pulled back and met your gaze, cooing as he brushed away tears of frustration. 

“Such a good girl for telling me what you need. So, so good for me. You look so beautiful like this babygirl,” he murmured. 

Cradling your face, Joel leaned down and kissed you softly. His tongue teased the inside of mouth and you sighed, letting him in as your body relaxed against the bed. You nibbled on the inside of his lip and he groaned. 

The kiss grew in intensity with both of you desperate for each other in seconds. Joel’s chest hair brushed up against your nipples and tiny jolts of pleasure ran down to your core. When he finally pulled away for air, you glared at him in annoyance. He laughed and kissed you once more on the cheek before he leaned into your ear. 

“Still doing ok sweetheart?,” Joel whispered. 

“Mmmhmmm, now can you fuck me already? M’getting bored up here,” you sang. 

Joel chuckled and bit at the gland in your neck with more pressure than he had ever done before. It was still not enough to claim you, but it had your back bowing and eyes rolling anyways at the intensity. He took your incapacity as an opening and moved down to your core. As you tried to come down from the hormonal response Joel had torn from you, he threw your legs over his strong shoulders and positioned himself between your legs. 

You looked down just in time to watch as Joel licked a long stripe up your seam, ending his stroke with a flick against the throbbing bud. He closed his eyes at the taste and a devilish smile graced his weathered features. In an instant, his mouth was back on you with soft kitten licks to your sensitive clit. As the need grew his soft licks turned to strong calculated strokes and you squeezed your eyes closed from the pleasure. 

The moans that came from Joel were downright pornographic and you fought against the heaviness in your eyelids. Forcing your eyes open, you looked down at the beast of a man that was making the most wanton noises you had ever heard. The sight of him alone almost made you cum on the spot. 

Joel ground his hips against the bed, rubbing his crotch into the sheets as he devoured you. With his brow pinched and eyes closed, he sucked your clit into his mouth as he held your twitching hips still so he could push you closer and closer to the edge. 

“J- oh fuck! You look so good like that - ungh - M’gonna, you’re gonna make me -,” you squeaked as you barreled towards your end. 

Just as your walls began to clench, signaling your incoming orgasm, Joel pulled back and returned his lips to your thigh. You gasped and bucked your hips into nothing as the pressure faded away. With a fresh wave of frustration at the ruined release, you thrashed harder against the restraint and whimpered. 

“But I-I don't understand. I was gonna -” 

Joel bit down hard on the supple skin of your thigh and a sharp cry bounced off of the walls. He laughed and you debated the benefits of cussing him out. Maybe that would get him riled up enough to fuck you. Before you could complain, Joel broke through the anger with the two thick fingers that thrusted into your core. You yelped at the sudden fullness. Slick dripped down Joel’s wrist and he grinned as he moved his face towards your center once more. 

With Joel sucking on your clit at a steady pace, your orgasm rose from the depths of your core embarrassingly fast. He hadn’t even started to move his thick fingers yet before your thighs started to shake again. As your walls twitched, a burst of panic rushed through you at the thought of him pulling away. Quickly, you clamped your thighs around him and pleaded. Joel chuckled against your seam, the vibrations of it almost sending you off the edge before he effortlessly moved away. 

“Jesus fucking Christ!” you shouted as yet another orgasm was ruined by Joel. 

“Just Joel is fine darling,” he joked. 

Joel chuckled and sucked the slick off his fingers. His fingers retracted from his mouth and he reached forward to pop your jaw open. Joel pursed his lips, letting a wad of spit fall from his mouth onto your tongue as you whimpered. The lewdness of it made your eyes roll back and you swallowed without even thinking. 

“Jesus baby, don’t even have to tell you what to do. Like you were made for me or something. All fucking mine, aren’t ya?,” he growled. 

You nodded and breathily whined, “Yes, m’yours. Want to be yours so bad, please! Please make me yours, I need it so bad. Fuuck.” 

Joel moaned and moved to devour you once more. His fingers prodded at the outside of your twitching hole and you lifted your hips to encourage him. You felt him pause and looked down at him, only to be met with a serious look on his face. 

“You're already mine baby and I’m yours. Don’t you ever forget that,” Joel grunted as he slammed his fingers inside. 

Something between a growl and a sob rolled off of your tongue as his fingers ruthlessly thrusted into you. He sucked your swollen bundle of nerves between his lips and batted it with his tongue, the overstimulation making you shiver as he moaned into your folds. Joel’s fingers crooked up inside of you and rubbed at the devastating spot along your front wall. You convulsed against the sheets, whining and pleading as his free hand held you to the mattress. 

Joel looked devastatingly handsome between your legs. The possessive stare, coupled with the way he thrusted his hips against the sheets in time with his fingers made you feel like a goddess. His movements grew slightly jerky and you knew that he was close. The thought of Joel cumming from humping the bed at the taste of your cunt was all too much and you came hard. You screamed and pulled at the leather wrapped around your wrists so hard that it creaked under the pressure. 

Overwhelming pleasure erupted from your core and sprayed him with a strong gush of slick. Joel whined as your release covered his face and his eyes rolled into the back of his head. Nonsensical pleas and jumbled cries fell from your lips as you clenched around his thick fingers. You watched through hooded eyes as Joel’s hips stuttered against the bed before he thrusted down hard, crying out into your pulsing folds as he came into the sheets. 

The strength of your orgasm made your pelvic muscles burn as he pulled away. Joel kissed his way back up your body as you floated. He smiled and continued his attack on your face, distracting you as Joel’s free hand untied you from the headboard. With your hands free from the leather, you quickly dug your fingers into his curls and pulled him closer. 

The kiss you gave him was full of love, passion, longing, and desperation. It held a million emotions, a million promises, and a million requests. The kiss begged him to never go so long without touching you ever again. Joel responded fervently to your anguish and his lips promised that he would never leave you wanting again.

Joel broke from the kiss and the two of you panted into each other's mouths. You looked up at him and brushed the hair off of his forehead. He needed a haircut badly but you had begged him not to cut it yet, loving the way the length showcased his beautiful salt and pepper curls. You knew you had to do it soon as Joel threatened to shave it all off every day, but you wanted to enjoy the length as long as possible. 

He kissed the indent on your wrist and continued all the way down the length of your arm. Joel reached the crook of your neck and leaned forward. You waited for the final kiss but it never did. Instead, he blew a wet raspberry against your skin. You screeched and squirmed, shoving his head away he laughed. Joel removed himself from your neck and watched you giggle. 

“That was - shit Joel, that was so good. I missed that,” you sighed once the two of you calmed, which earned a hum of approval from him.  

Joel rolled the two of you over, moving so he was underneath while you straddled him. He moved his fingers into your hair and rubbed at your scalp. Boneless from his soothing circles, you draped yourself over him and placed your ear against his chest. His strong heartbeat lulled you into a meditative state. Grabbing his free one in yours, you squeezed his hand three times. 

“I love you too darling, more than you could possibly imagine,” he answered as he nosed at your hair. 

Completely drunk off of him, you smiled and rubbed your face into his chest. He hummed as you scented him. Your nose moved up from his chest to huff at the spot beneath his ear and Joel shivered. The spot called to you, his deep scent coating the back of your throat as you licked and nipped at it. It smelled so good but you couldn’t help but wonder how much better it would be if his scent was mixed with yours. 

The vibe of the room changed as you laved your tongue and dragged your teeth over the same spot with more intent. Joel’s hand tightened in your hair but it didn’t move to stop you. Instead he made a desperate noise and pushed your face deeper into his flushed skin. You took that as a green light and sunk your teeth into his skin. Joel howled as you made your claim on him. His body shook and his softening cock kicked up against your leg as blood filled your mouth. The taste of him alone made you groan as you licked over the wound, sealing the bleeding puncture marks and your hold over him as he twitched beneath you. 

“F-fuck baby,” Joel panted as blinked away tears. 

Before you could respond, Joel had flipped you over and shoved his face into your neck. He snuffed at the skin as he tried to locate the right spot. He found it almost immediately, almost like he had scoped it out beforehand. You didn’t blame him if he had, you had known the exact spot on Joel that you wanted to bite down on for weeks. 

“P-please omega, tell me please,” Joel begged as his mouth hovered over the left side of your neck. 

You could have cried at the sound of his voice. Your alpha, so strong yet so caring. A whine fell from your lips and you pushed his face forward. 

“Make me yours Joel.” 

Snarling, Joel clamped his teeth down hard. Euphoria burst from somewhere deep inside of you and you sobbed. The all encompassing feeling of finally belonging made tears fall from your eyes. You could hear Joel, as if from far away, as he coaxed you through the intense emotions. Love, devotion, and an overwhelming desire to never be away from him rushed through you. It was not unlike what you had already felt for him. Only this time, you knew for a fact that Joel felt the same way. You felt it through the bond. 

After the waves receded, your eyelids fluttered open and it felt like you were coming up for air after being underwater for your entire life. Joel’s smile matched yours and the both of you erupted into a fit of giddy laughs. 

Pure joy radiated off of you as you sniffed the air. Your scents changed with bond, mingling together to advertise to any interested parties that the both of you were taken. It made you excited, even though you knew there was nobody around to smell it. Joel noticed a change as well and lifted his nose into the air, his grin splitting his face in half as he smelled it too.

“Joel, I don’t even know what to say,” you croaked through the emotions that tightened your throat. 

He rubbed his nose against yours and whispered, “I know honey, I don’t either. I love you, that’s all I can think of to say. I fucking love you.” 

You sobbed and threw your arms around Joel’s neck, murmuring a soft I love you too into his mouth before you captured his lips in a searing kiss. Tears of happiness fell from your eyes as your lips moved against each other, tongues mingling and hands caressing every inch as the pair of you reeled from the enormity of what just happened. Your heart felt like it was going to explode with your love for Joel, the intensity of it almost too much as your mouths greedily took from one another. He broke away for air and you panted against the sheets, overwhelmed by the newness of it all. 

“I know baby, it’s too much isn’t it? But it’s just us finding the missing piece. Me and you, that’s what the feeling is. Until my last breath, I’m yours. Hell, I would’ve been yours anyways but this is so much better,” Joel murmured. 

An overwhelming need overcame you at his words and you flipped Joel over again. He landed on his back with a surprised oomph. He blinked and you had already straddled him. Joel wheezed as your hips grinded down on his quickly hardening length. He pinched his eyes closed and dropped his head back against the pillow while his hands skimmed along the fat of your hips. 

Moving from your hips, Joel reached down to grasp handfuls of your ass and used his grip to slide you back and forth against him harder. Whining, you draped yourself over him again and writhed against him.  

You grew desperate for him and reached down to grab him. Holding him steady, you slowly sunk down on him. A sigh fell from your lips once you were fully seated, with every aspect of the both of you now melded together. It all felt so right. 

Joel’s hips twitched under you and he grabbed your hips once more. He worked you on his cock, the fat tip of it brushing up against that spot that had slick gathering in his lap. You whined at the size of him, the stretch bordering on painful as he bullied his way in. His place was slow and hard, making the burn quickly give way to burning need as Joel somehow brushed against every sweet spot inside of you. 

You needed more. 

The air in the room was thick and your bodies were sticky with sweat as you pushed back up again. Planting your hands on his belly, Joel watched through glazed eyes as you swirled your hips in mind numbing circular motions. He cussed with his expression pained as he watched your glistening body undulate over him. You leaned forward and kissed him once more, licking into his mouth and sucking on his tongue as the desperation grew. 

The way his wiry curls scrubbed against your clit made pleasure shoot up from the base of your spine. Joel noticed as your legs trembled with your incoming release, making your thrusts lose their rhythm. As your legs failed, he pulled his lips from yours and sat himself up against the headboard. The same hard and slow grind as before continued with Joel’s capable hands setting the pace as you whimpered and shook. 

“Alpha,” you keened as you felt the incoming pleasure. 

Joel’s eyes met yours as he ground your cock into you, teasing your entrance with his knot to make you tremble. Needing him to claim you in every way, you whimpered his name and pushed your hips down. 

“Yeah pretty girl? You want my knot omega? It's yours now, all you gotta do is tell me,” he growled with his length tunneling deeper inside of you, carving a space for himself as he thrusted up from underneath. 

You panted and cried out, “I want it so bad. You have no idea how much I’ve been thinking about this. Everytime I - ha, fuck me - Everday in the shower, I’d use the showerhead so I could, oh shit! Alpha, please.”

He groaned and slapped the fat of your ass before he gritted out, “You touchin yourself to me in the shower baby? Fuck me, you know how many times I fucked my fist in there thinking about you? Nearly every day darling. I can’t believe I wasted it when I could’ve been cumming into this sweet pussy.”

Pussying clenching at his admission, you cried out and clawed at his shoulders. Joel’s thrusts became more erratic and he reached one hand down to your clit. As his calloused thumb strummed at your pulsing bud, the shaking in your thighs doubled as your walls began to milk him. Groaning, Joel brutally slammed you down onto his knot, locking himself inside of you as you both exploded. 

Spurts of cum painted your insides as your cunt sucked him dry. Everytime you thought he was done cumming, another wave would splash against your walls as they twitched around him. 

“F-fuck, gonna keep filling you up until it takes baby. Need it,” he growled. 

You weren’t sure if he even knew what he had said but it didn’t matter. The thought of it threw the both of you into another round of blinding pleasure and you cried out as his seed continuously splashed against your cervix. Shuddering and breathless, you slumped against Joel’s body as the last shocks of pleasure ebbed away. His hands rubbed at every inch of available skin as he soothed the fresh mark on your neck with soft kisses. 

“We should have done that two weeks ago,” you sighed as you purred from his attention to your neck. 

He snorted before he mumbled, “Pardon me ma’am, didn’t mean to vex ya with my attempts at being decent. Just how I was raised, I suppose.” 

You laughed at that and tilted your face to plant a quick peck into his hair. 

“Well old man, you made me cum two weeks ago by slapping me in the pussy. So, I really don’t know whose decency you’re talking about. Plus, did you have a good time not touching me? Because I hated it. Pretty sure I’ll die if you take your huge dick away from me again,” you said. 

Joel scoffed and shook his head at your words.    

“I don’t think I’ve ever met someone as ridiculous as you baby. You’d give Tommy a run for his money,” he chuckled. 

You rolled your eyes before you said, “You’ve never met someone like me, period Joel. That’s why it’s my mark on your neck and nobody else’s. Plus, um… me crass? Who was the one that was doing the pussy slapping? Who literally just tied me up? Pot and kettle Joelie.” 

“Uck, not Joelie, anything but that. Two people have called me that, my meemaw and my dumb brother when he was trying to piss me off. Don’t you even start with that,” Joel grumbled. 

You hummed and brushed your thumbs along his cheeks. 

“But doesn’t it sound so much better coming from me Joooellie - ah!”

He pushed you deeper on to his knot, eliciting a guttural cry from you as a weak orgasm pulsed from your core. The force of it made Joel hiss but it worked, effectively shutting you up and zapping the remaining energy from your body you melted him to him. After a brief silence, Joel spoke again. 

“The mark on my neck, it couldn’t be anybody else’s. It could only ever be you,” Joel said truthfully. 

Overcome with love and exhaustion, you kissed his neck and whispered, “Back atcha cowboy.” 

He chuckled and you nuzzled at his fresh mark. A peaceful silence fell over the room as you wrapped yourselves around each other. Joel’s hands rubbed soft circles into your skin, drawing sighs from your lips until you drifted off into a dreamless sleep for the first time in weeks. 

 - Joel - 

One day. 

One day since he had purpose again. All of the voices in Joel’s head that screamed at him every waking moment were silenced when you had claimed him. With sharp teeth burrowed into his neck, all he could only think about was you. After a lifetime of running from his past and himself, it felt like he was finally home. Joel ran his thick fingers over the mark, smiling at the memory. 

With the bond solidified, exhaustion had pulled you into an impromptu nap against him. Joel watched you sleep, tracing the outline of your face over and over again with his gaze but couldn’t bring himself to join you in rest. The thrill of being somebody’s mate had slowly morphed into shock. The surrealness of it all dizzied him. 

Joel survived being a single dad, he survived the outbreak and his daughter dying in his arms, he even survived the death of his adoptive daughter. And he had done it all on his own. For 56 years the thought of drawing someone else into his shit was unthinkable but now he had you, and you would be with him until the day he died. The thought both excited and terrified him. 

He didn’t know how he was going to do this. How would he take care of you? How could Joel look you in the eyes and tell you the truth about him? Would you leave him if you knew? Surely not, the bite mark dug into your neck assured him of that. But would you resent him for claiming you after the truth came out? The thought of your resentment made his stomach roil. 

His racing thoughts were interrupted as you woke from the impromptu nap. The smile you gave him cracked the shell around his broken soul and allowed warmth to shine through the cracks. Butterflies erupted in Joel’s stomach and made his heart thump harder against the walls of his chest. Without a second thought, he leaned forward and kissed both of your cheeks. You yawned, mumbling something about food as you roused from slumber. Joel leaned forward and brushed his lips against yours, indulging your sleepy kisses for a moment before he jumped into action. 

As Joel rose from bed, a strained groan forced its way out from behind his clenched teeth. A deep ache bloomed in his back and hips, making him lock his knees to keep himself from falling forward. He knew when he did it that he probably shouldn’t have picked you up at his age. You were a fully grown woman and he was an old man with a lifetime’s worth of sore muscles and creaky bones but he couldn’t help it. The pain that pricked at his nerves was worth it to see how your face scrunched up everytime he slammed you down onto his cock. 

He tried to play it off after the groan crawled its way out of his mouth but you were his mate. That meant that you felt his pain like your own and after a round of pointless bickering, he somehow ended up taking a bath for the first time in nearly fifty years. Hesitancy clung to Joel at first but the sight of your naked body slipping in after him made any trepidation slip away in an instant. The water was warmer than he was used to but the heat pulled all of the tension from his muscles and made him groan into your hair. 

Joel tried to be romantic and wash your hair but he almost immediately got his thick fingers stuck in the tangled strands. You laughed it off, gracious with his rusty affections even though he practically waterboarded you later on. He meant to simply wash the soap from your scalp but instead he accidentally poured the hot water directly over your face. He vehemently apologized as you sputtered and tried to explain that he was pretty sure the reason Sarah learned how to do her own hair so quickly was that she was tired of her dad getting styling cream in her eyes. 

Afterwards, you washed him and Joel tried to keep note of your technique in his own hair for future reference. He suppressed a moan as he felt fingers rubbing the product into his scalp with soothing circles. The ministrations released the tension from his muscles and made him blink sleepily at you. You smiled and pecked Joel’s lips before tilting his head back, carefully rinsing his curls as he sighed. 

Once the bath was over, the two of you had spent the rest of the day in each other's presence. He cooked and you watched from your spot on the counter, reaching out every so often to pull him into a sweet kiss. It was a miracle that the food didn’t burn. After lunch you had lured him back to bed for a few more hours, only letting him go when you collapsed from the devastating sixth orgasm he tore from you. Joel tried not to look too smug when he had to bring supper to you in bed that night as your legs shook and twitched.  

After a peaceful sleep wrapped in each other’s arms, Joel woke to the sound of you making breakfast for him. He smiled and rubbed his eyes, letting his fingers trail across his newly marked neck before he leapt from the bed. There was a pep in his step as he dressed and he suppressed a smile at the giddiness growing in his chest. The simple thought of you making food in the kitchen made his cheeks hurt. It was madness.

He paused as he left the bedroom. His eyes fell to the rose on your side of the bed. Your side of the bed. Joel’s grin widened at the thought of it, of you having a space in his life forever now. The thought would have made him run for the hills a couple of weeks ago but now, his greatest fear was losing you. 

Looking around, he saw traces of you everywhere. Dog eared books on the bedside table, dirty clothes mixed with his in the hamper, hair ties strewn across every open surface, a drawing of a wonky cat that you had drawn tacked to the wall on his side of the bed, even the rainbow quilt that adorned the bed had you written all over it. Joel never cared about which blankets he used but you insisted on using that one because of the bright colors. He didn’t mind the brightly colored blankets if it made you happy. 

As Joel stepped into the hallway it was filled with the smell of something delicious. His mouth watered from the sweetness drifting in the cold air. Stomach grumbling, he walked into the kitchen and was slapped in the face with what he saw. He froze in the doorway. Flour covered nearly every inch of the counter and Joel trembled at the sight. Sweat pricked at his hairline and his heart lurched in his chest. 

Suddenly it was 2003, his thirty second birthday, and Sarah wanted to make him pancakes. They were one of her favorite foods but that day he forgot and had left for work without a second thought. What had they eaten instead? Joel couldn’t remember. All he remembered was that the last two things that Sarah wanted in this world were pancakes and birthday cake, and she never got either. 

“Joel! Oh my god, please breathe. Look at me, you have to breathe”

The words rattled around in his mind as he fought against the fog. Your panicked face came into his field of vision, face framed with black dots as your shaky hands held his cheeks. Joel’s chest burned and he wondered momentarily if he was having a heart attack before he realized he wasn’t breathing. He gasped, sucking in air as reality bled back into his consciousness. 

“That’s it, breathe for me. There you go,” you soothed. 

Joel lifted himself to his knees, ignoring your protests and attempts to shove him back down. He needed to get out of this room. The smell of the sweet batter made his mouth fill with water and he retched. You swore and stepped back at the sound of his gags. Joel staggered out of the room and you quietly followed. 

Sarah’s laugh echoed in his haunted mind, followed by the sound of her choking on her final breaths. He looked away when she died, crying out for his brother only to be greeted with her still face when he looked back down. Why did he do that? Tommy couldn’t do anything. And Ellie. Was she scared after the tunnel? Did she look for him after she woke up? Did she wish Joel was there before they put her under for the surgery? 

Was everyone he loved doomed to die afraid? 

Was Joel doomed to watch? 

“Joel, please. You’re scaring me. What’s going on? Are you - Is it your heart?” 

Your nervous tone cut through his panicked state and Joel whirled around to face you. He felt like some sort of raging beast as adrenaline raced through his veins. He tried to conjure up an explanation but couldn’t, so he just turned away. Joel sighed as he heard your tentative steps towards him. You walked around his body and placed your hands on his aching chest. 

“I don’t want to talk about it darling, I got chores to be getting to anyways. Just eat and I’ll see you later on, okay?,” Joel tried. 

You blinked and prepared yourself to press him again. He wished you wouldn’t. 

“I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”

Joel pushed away from you, stumbling back as anger boiled up from deep within him. He didn’t need your help, he didn’t need anybody’s help. There was no fixing this. It was something that would remain broken until the end of time, like him. 

“I don’t need your help. M’not your little project sweetheart,” he seethed. 

The moment the words were out of his mouth he regretted them but there would be no taking them back now. Not when your face morphed into a scowl and your arms crossed over your midsection in defense. Joel schooled his face and tried not to wince at the fury that buzzed through the bond you shared. 

“I never fucking called you my project. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to wonder why my mate collapsed in the kitchen and then literally ran away from me when I tried to comfort him. But what do I know?” you spat. 

Joel stiffened at your tone and matched your anger as he said, “Maybe it’s none of your fucking business. Ever thought of that?” 

A dark laugh peeled out of your mouth and he felt the room shift. He knew that he had chartered into dangerous territory but he couldn’t help it. Joel clenched his jaw and he tensed for an attack that was never going to come from you. His body couldn’t tell the difference between discomfort and danger anymore, gearing up to protect him despite the fact that he knew you would never hurt him. 

“None of my business Joel? None of my fucking business?! You, Joel Miller, are literally my only fucking business. You’re my mate and I literally know fucking nothing about you. And you know what? That’s my fault, I should have pushed you but I didn’t,” you snarled as you walked back towards the kitchen. 

A lump formed in his throat and Joel blinked away tears. He was failing you and he didn’t know how to stop it, but he knew he had to try. 

“You don’t want to know me baby. I’m a bad man. I’ve tortured and killed so many people. Hundreds probably, and I don’t even care that some didn’t deserve it. That’s how shitty I am. Murdering folk ain’t even what keeps me up at night,” Joel choked out. 

You stopped in the doorway and turned back. Joel watched your socked feet take tentative steps towards him and winced when they stopped inches away from him. 

“Tell me.”

How could he? How could he put his loss into words? How could anyone? 

“Tell me,” you repeated. 

The conviction in your voice snapped Joel to attention and he grabbed your hand. He wasn’t sure why he was doing it but he led you down the hall towards the one place he had banished you from. Pausing for a moment, Joel sighed and pushed the creaky door open. 

The room itself was largely the same, with flowers still painted on the walls and comic books still stuffed in the bookshelf, but it was torn to pieces.You stepped forward into the wreckage and gingerly surveyed it. The railings on the bunk bed had been torn off. He didn’t even remember doing that. A lamp was shattered in the corner of the room and the nightstand had been kicked over. Joel swallowed hard as you picked up the broken frame, studying the picture before you looked up at him. 

“Sarah wasn’t the only daughter you lost,” you stated. 

Joel nodded in response and braced for the big questions. How did Sarah die? How did Ellie die? How did he fail? How would he fail you?

“What was her name?” 

He blinked. 

“Ellie,” he whispered before he cleared his throat and tried again, “Her name was Ellie. She… I met her when she was fourteen. Pretty well grown but she was… If they hadn't killed her I would’ve taken care of her. She was my kid even though - ” 

You cut through his rushed words, “Ellie was your daughter. Maybe not through blood, but she was your pup.” 

He nodded again and looked down at his feet. Hot tears blurred his vision and he failed to force them down. Joel’s chest broke open. Ellie was his pup, Sarah was his pup, and they were both gone. The ground shifted beneath him and he lurched forward onto his knees. He didn’t even feel the hard wood, but he felt your arms around him after the fall. 

“They died and I couldn’t fucking do anything. The outbreak happened and that goddamn soldier shot Sarah. He shot my baby girl and she died, and I didn’t do anything besides yell for Tommy,” Joel sobbed into your chest. 

A soft comforting noise came from you and your fingers rubbed circles into his scalp. He cried hard, choking on memories as they gathered behind his eyelids. You remained silent, allowing him to cry as your hands soothed him. 

“Ellie was just cargo. That’s all she was supposed to be and then she wasn’t anymore. The fireflies wanted to use her for some bogus cure but I c-couldn’t - fuck -  I tried to get to her but her head was just split open on the fucking table and I-I,” he broke with a pained whine. 

Years of shame rolled off Joel and landed on your lap. And you took it without any complaint or accusation. His admission just made you hug him tighter to your chest as he cried. A breakdown of this magnitude would have embarrassed him normally but he didn’t care. Joel needed you like the air he breathed. He needed you and if he had to admit his deepest darkest secrets to keep you, then that was what he would do. 

You let him cry until the tears ran dry and his pained cries turned into soft whimpers. The hands in his hair tugged his head back. Joel blushed as you examined his damp face. He knew that he was probably a mess but you still looked at him like he had hung the moon. 

“They knew you loved them. That’s what matters Joel. How they died was… It was awful and I can’t even imagine how you feel, but their death isn’t what’s important. Their memory is what matters, the love is what matters,” you said softly. 

“But I was supposed to protect them and I failed. I’m a failure. And that’s why I… I just don’t want to fail you darling.” 

You scoffed and pinched his sides, forcing a sharp grunt out of his mouth. He balked at your harsh treatment as he rubbed at his reddened skin. 

“Joel Miller, you are a lot of things but don’t you dare call yourself a failure. A grump? Sure. Secretive? Undoubtedly. A miser when it comes to your friggin peanuts? One hundred per-”

He cut you off before the list could go on. 

“And I thought I was bad at comforting people. Christ darling just pile it on, why don’t ya?” he snickered. 

The tension in the room fizzled out as the two of you laughed. The pain that he felt moments before was still there but as Joel looked up at your smiling face, it felt a lot more manageable. 

“What I’m trying to say is that you act like you’re some sort of monster but it isn’t true. Everything you do is with love. Joel, love literally exudes from your very being.You’re so many things, but a failure just isn’t one of them,” you explained. 

Joel breathed in, allowing the words to settle in his soul as you pushed his hair back from his wrinkled forehead. There was a part of him that wanted to push back. A dark voice lurked in the corners of his brain and begged him to deny your kindness, but he stopped himself. Swallowing hard, he nodded and hugged you tightly. You grunted at the force of it but wrapped your arms around him anyways. 

“Sarah wanted pancakes the last day she was alive. It was my birthday and she wanted to make them. They were more for her than anything else, she loved anything sweet. I guess I haven’t really seen anyone make them since her. It just surprised me baby, that’s all,” he mumbled. 

“No oatmeal and no pancakes, aye aye captain,” you affirmed and leaned back to give him a mock salute. 

A watery laugh bubbled up from Joel’s chest and he kissed you. Tears from his face dampened your cheeks but you didn’t seem to care. Instead, he felt you pour all of your affection into his lips. His heart throbbed and he whined. The kiss was growing in intensity but Joel cut it short when his nose picked up on something. 

“Is that?”

“SHIT!,” you yelled before scrambling into the hallway. 

Joel ran after you, eyes widening at the smoke that clouded the air. As he rounded the corner, he was met with the sight of you standing still in front of the flames that roared on the stove. He cussed, nervous system spiking his adrenaline once more as he snatched the water from the fridge and tossed it on the flame. 

A sharp hiss resounded through the room and steam exploded off of the blackened circles in the pan. He reached around the billowing puffs of heat and quickly turned off the burner. 

“You didn’t turn off the burner?” he asked dumbly. 

You scoffed, “Well no, I thought you were having a heart attack Joel.” 

Annoyance surged within him. Joel’s hands came up to his hips and he popped his left knee out. 

“M’not that old,” he grumbled. 

You threw your hands in the air at his petty bickering but he knew you loved it. 

“Oh, I’m sorry Joel. You are so right. I should totally assume that when my 56 year old mate clutches at his chest and then falls over, that actually means he’s completely fine. My mistake!” you sassed him. 

Joel bit back a laugh. If there was one thing that the two of you would do, it was bicker and he loved it too. The tenseness vanished and now you were just fucking with eachother. 

“Plus, at least I wasn’t the one who just used all the water in the fridge to put out a itsy bitsy stove fire,” you added. 

“Oh, I’m sorry darling. You are so right. I should totally assume that when you start a fire in the kitchen, it’s actually because you wanted to burn our home to the ground. My mistake!,” he retorted, throwing the words right back in your face. 

A beat passed before you both erupted into laughter again. The tenseness of the situation deflated even greater as Joel watched you toss the charcoal colored dough into the trash. With the offending pancake gone, he sighed in relief. 

After the pancake incident, Joel fired you from breakfast duty and opted for the easier option of ramen noodles. The prep was too minimal for your assistance so he shooed you away to the living room. When they were done, he brought the bowls of noodles to the couch and pulled your legs onto his lap. A smile tugged at his lips while he ate. The heaviness in Joel’s chest was gone and he was sure that he would’ve floated away if it wasn’t for the weight across his lap. 

When the bowls were empty, you took the dishes back to the kitchen and commanded Joel to go refill the water from the fridge. He jokingly bowed to your demand, which you rolled your eyes at as you walked away. Joel smirked and reached out to slap your ass hard. 

“Joel!” you scolded. 

He wiggled his eyebrows at you and you laughed. The sound of your laughter was something that Joel knew he would savor until he died. 

“Water cowboy, then we’ll talk.” 

Joel flashed you a devilish grin as he quickly shoved his feet into his boots. Grabbing the first jacket he could find, he zipped up and turned to sprint towards his task. As he gripped the door handle, your voice calling out from the kitchen stopped him in his tracks. 

“Love you!” 

His heart stuttered at that. It didn’t matter how many times you said it, everytime made his mind fuzzy. 

“Love you too honey,” Joel called back as he strolled into the frosty morning. 

The walk was brisk but the sun shone down through the trees and warmed his cheeks. He barely took notice of whether the traps he passed needed to be reset or not. All of Joel’s thoughts were centered around you back in the cabin. Back home. Being away from you for even a minute tore him in half.  

The river roared with swelling waters that licked at the banks as Joel stooped down to fill the bucket. The current was strong this winter, with thick chunks of ice that raced along the surface and slammed into each other. Summer came to mind. A grin came to his face as he thought about how nice it was to cool off in the calmer waters. He was excited to share the perfect swimming hole that existed just a short walk away. Joel shook his head and tried to focus on pulling the bucket up on the bank. He knew he would ditch his task if he thought about swimming alongside you for too long. 

His ears pricked at a rustling noise behind him. Joel heard the distinct sound of footsteps coming out from the treeline behind him and smiled. Relief filled him. It was good to know that he wasn’t insane for missing you from the moment he stepped outside.  

“Listen, I missed you too darling. But Christ, s’cold out here. You’re gonna freeze,” he teased. 

You didn’t answer and Joel turned his head, only to be met with the but of a rifle as it slammed into his face.

#alpha!joel miller #angst #joel miller fanfiction #comfort #joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #omega reader #a/b/o dynamics #tlou fanfic #joel miller smut #joel miller x female reader #joel x reader #joel needs a hug #reader needs a hug

[corffee]

Found another golden moment

#reminds me of that one meme of that girl admiring the guy behind her but it’s a death stare instead #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #sonic prime #sonic prime s2 #sonadow #sonic #sth

[cats-in-video-games]

Shadow from Super Lesbian Animal RPG

#cat #named #submission #thank you for sharing this cat with us! #shadow #shadow slarpg #slarpg #super lesbian animal rpg #hes so cuuuuuute <3 #he reminds me of my cat and her big ol eyes

[aleksanderscult]

So how do you feel about Alina's character?

My feelings for her are complicated at best, anon.

And only lately I realized that I'm more in love with the potential she had rather than her canon self.

In the beginning, I liked her because I found her a mood. Her humour and attitude were entertaining to me. But as the months passed I realized that her main personality traits do not fit in this fictional world.

She's irresponsible, immature (and nobody start the "she was a child/teenager" bullshit to me. She was a legal adult by the Grishaverse standards and you would expect someone that had a rough childhood mature faster), selfish and lacks common sense and empathy. If she were a side character these characteristics wouldn't bother me but alas she's the main character. The girl that both the Ravkans and the readers expected to bring positive change and balance with her efforts by the end of the trilogy.

And guess what? Nothing of that happened.

I have one question for Leigh Bardugo.

If you wanted to show how not all girls want crowns, then why did you pick the main character that everybody depends on to show it??

We have wars, a genocide, hate, corruption and imbalance plaguing the main kingdom of this story and for two books straight the author had the readers and the character herself believe that she'll change everything. But not only didn't any kind of change happened, but the main character herself didn't change LMAO.

Alina had no character development and when a main character doesn't have that, then the story itself can't develop. Leigh stripped her of her powers and made her go and marry Mal while the main problems still reigned.

So my feelings for the potential she had? A girl that turned her weaknesses into strength and decided to find courage inside herself instead of depending on her toxic "friend". A woman that embraces both her light and her darkness and decides to protect her people no matter what, even if she has to sacrifice her own happiness. Now that character I love and stan.

My feelings for her canon self? I feel sorry for her mostly. She deserved a better author that would allow her to develop and not take away a huge chunk of her soul. People say "Oh but she deserved happiness". Well, aside from the fact that her ending was NOT happy, when you create a world that is full of problems you can't expect to keep your MC happy AND the rest of the Ravkans happy.

Take Daenerys for example. Is she happy? No. Did she still sacrifice everything to fight slavery and keep her children safe and free? Yes. And that made her a very sympathetic character to the rest of us that has read her story.

Because it's not about "the main character deserves happiness" but "the main character needs to do the job she was assigned to do, no matter what". Main characters exist to get the job done (whether that is to free slaves, rule a country or kill the bad guy) and Alina did nothing.

#friendly reminder: there are people out there who are happy with Alina's fate 😀 #anyway it's not that much of the character that annoys me as much as the author #Leigh tried to “pass on her message” and instead created a disappointed end for all of us (the readers and the characters alike) #I've seen many people hate Alina and honestly I don't blame them anon #there are times myself when I have to lower the book and stare at the wall after she says or thinks something stupid #alina starkov #anti alina's wasted potential #leigh bardugo #grishaverse #shadow and bone #grishaverse trilogy

[bonefall]

I see you've changed Shadowstar from being first to die. Sneaky, sneaky. You sly.. cat, you, Bones. Was that on purpose, out of spite for Shadowstar's Life?

B'aww, you got me <3 Yeah I hate that book.

Shadowstar: *breathes in public*

Erins:

#STOP DOING THE SHADOW FAMILY DIRTY YOU ANIMALS #''i love my nephew sun shadow. he reminds me of my dead brother'' #Erins coming up from behind with a lead pipe to kill him immediately #bone babble #That's the deepest reason you'll find though. The PRIMARY reason is very simple; it just makes the most sense. #She's pious and keeps to herself. #She didn't have to waste her lives fighting SkyClan #It's why I said FOR NOW in that post though. If I end up having another conflict I want to rework from DOTC I may have Shadow take it. #but I think the... sort of coup was dumb. #I could have my mind changed on adapting it but as it stands I don't really care to give it any love.

[drawingducktalesducks]

Lena with no friends writing fake pleas for help on notes and tossing them out to sea, only for lonely left-out Webby to find them and follow them back to her-

Lena deciding to leave Magica, just to be reminded that she can’t- being forced to give up the friendship bracelet Webby made for her and laying it gently in the same salt water…

Lena's not at her waterside hideout, the writings she left behind say she was Magica's shadow spy, but Webby doesn't believe that and her friendship bracelet gives Lena a way to come back- for a moment- long enough to prove Webby right

Lena's gone in the nightmare. Magica's here. She's wearing Lena's friendship bracelet, she just pushed Webby out of harm's way; Webby realizes she's actually Lena-

this time she gets to save her. A few tears, a bit of salt water spilled between them, a few carefully woven threads, and the nightmare ends

Lena standing in the middle of a swamp when she stops needing Magica's power to stay with her friends- Webby and Violet's support for her channeled through the bracelets- and now Magica's the one dropped in the stagnant water and left behind

yeah idk where I was going with this. something something parallels ripping apart my heart    

#ducktales (2017) #lena sabrewing #lena de spell #magical de spell #webby vanderquack #weblena #re-watched some stuff and just thinking about it.. #she was born magica's servant on a volcano and her escape into freedom has a lot of water in it #is that a thing #can we add shadow magic being gooy and watery and lena being a shadow and something something lena coming into her own? #did u kno one possible root for the name Lena could be the ancient greek helénē #which means stuff like 'torch' and 'weird glowy thing' and also #woven baskets #one idea is it comes from the word to wind or twist together #kinda reminds me of a #braided bit of string maybe #that has a tendency to glow.... #ok im done now #this is why you shouldn't marathon all the lena episodes

[cherry-leaves-wishes]

"Wesper was rushed" "Wesper should have a slowburn" ...So? the longer they're together the better bc Jesper is indeed, going to outlive Wylan at some point and they're already aged up so so honestly good for them

#I just watched sankta Neyar speech abt his husband again and it remind me Jesper It's gonna be like her someday #The fact she even talk to Jesper too #shadow and bone #six of crows #wesper #wylan van eck #jesper fahey