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#this song breaks my heart into a million pieces
saintchaser · 11 months
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"if i run away with you, i betray my family. if i marry lucius, i betray myself. my family is very dear to me," narcissa said, looking away from her.
"dearer than i?" alice asked, desperation in her voice.
narcissa smiled pitifully. "no, not dearer than you. but i must do what is right, and that is to say goodbye. i loved you, alice."
a dagger through her heart. they kissed one last time, tasting like regret, bitter on their tongues, beautiful and cold.
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moonchild-in-blue · 8 days
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Thank you for the tag @tonguetyd! My spoons are indeed low but my sleep schedule is GONE so. Random burst of energy let's go.
I didn't know what artist to pick because I didn't want an obvious (?) one, so I'm going super niche and choosing Bright Eyes because it's been a minute since I've talked about them, and they're one of my favourites 💙
Artist: Bright Eyes
How do you feel: Nothing Gets Crossed Out
What is your gender: Bowl Of Oranges (obviously funny but also it's a beautiful song! poetic storytelling!)
If you could go anywhere: Lua
Favorite mode of transportation: Driving Fast Through A Big City At Night (yes that is the title)
Your best friend: First Day Of My Life 🥹
Favorite time of day: Sunrise, Sunset
If your life was a tv show: A Line Allows Progress, A Circle Does Not
Relationship status: I Won't Ever Be Happy Again 🥲
Your fear: Waste Of Paint
Idk who made this or not so I'm tagging randomly, no pressure to do this whatsoever! @dearscone @corviisquire @hookedhobbies @politemagic (hi!) @leonsleftbicep @melit0n
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marycorcaroli · 7 months
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one piece boys as boyfriends.
luffy, zoro, usopp, sanji, buggy.
req ♡: Can I request the one piece boys as boyfriends/ dating them headcanons?
mary ♡: thanks for the request and hope you like it ! english is not my first language, i apologize for any mistakes.
rules ; masterlist.
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luffy.
— luffy is the sweetest guy ever ! i'm sure he will live up to all your expectations and be the best of the best.
— he's a little awkward around you :( but he's also very loud ! ! he wants the whole world to hear that you're his girlfriend ! !
— he is not the jealous type at all. luffy trusts you with his whole heart and soul, he knows that you will never cheat or betray him and neither will he ever hurt you. you have guy friends and luffy trusts them! he hangs out with them and is not afraid that they will take you away from him. he is fine as long as your friends don't harass you or make cruel jokes about you.
— luffy loves hugs more than anything else! the way you give him your warmth and share that intimate moment with him is all luffy needs. he loves to hug at all hours of the day and night, his arms will always be around you!
— he loves kissing you just as much! he kisses you on the tip of your nose when he goes out and on your forehead so you know he's there for you and won't leave you. he kisses behind your ear when you dance together. he kisses your moles or freckles because they're your specialty and he loves them ♡ !
— ! he's a terrible cook ! he'd rather burn down your kitchen and all the equipment and then make puppy dog eyes: "i'm sorry, please, i wanted to please you, but it didn't work out..." don't yell at him 👊
— sleeps like a baby and holds you close to him so you don't run away.
— goes to the bathroom with you because he thinks a monster will take you (he can't watch horror movies).
— gives you presents at the most unexpected times !
— his love languages are touch and words ! he can't take his hands off you and stop saying words of everlasting love.
— luffy is crazy about your smile :( the way your eyes shine and the dimples on your cheeks don't go away makes his heart flutter like it's your first date.
— doesn't like to fight with you ;( even if you have an argument he will try to settle it right away so you go to bed calm, but if it doesn't work out and you go somewhere else.... his heart breaks into little pieces, the fact that it's so bad that you left 😐 will apologize to you a few million times and will do anything to make you forgive him!
zoro.
— the most needy boy :( he needs you to hug him and hold him several times in a second while he inhales the smell of your hair and draws constellations on your back with his hands.
— that's why his love language is always touching.
— he arranges the most incredible dates for you! he chooses the places himself and afterwards invites you on this little journey where he will propose marriage to you.
— for some people marriage is just a stamp in the passport and rings, but for zoro it's a whole life, so he bound your hearts and souls into one, made tearful vows to you, promising to always be there for you in sorrow and in joy.
— hugs are part of his routine. he hugs you every chance he gets. his favorite is the back hug when you're cooking something and zoro dances a little and sings your favorite song.
— kisses you on the lips in the most tender way to convey his feelings. on the eyelids to give you support and on the cheeks to show you how cute you are.
— he snores like a baby but will wake up as soon as you try to get up, he's used to sleeping with you and snuggling up to you that he won't sleep without you.
— he's a little spoon ! !
— loves to go shopping with you and buy something interesting for your home.
— during arguments, when he can't hear you and makes you talk even louder, and the situation in your house gets heated - he just walks away, leaving you alone. later, of course, he will beg for forgiveness and kiss you, and promise that it won't happen again, it's true. he doesn't want your beautiful and clean place to turn into a dumping ground for quarrels and humiliation.
— jealous often, but he doesn't make scandals, but just stands by you like a guard until your admirer runs away.
usopp.
— he's so cute ! you want to kiss his cheeks forever and look into those eyes that show endless love for you.
— he climbs into your room through the window, like in the most romantic movies, without fail ! with flowers in his teeth, "did you miss me?"
— his love language is giving you presents and jumping in puddles while it's raining ! ! !
— he loves to lay on you and squeeze you so hard ! he just wants to show you how much he loves you. for usopp, hugging is something normal, he is tactile himself, but with you, it's magnified several times ! ! he is not afraid to be real with you and he shows everything he has.
— we're not done talking about hugs yet ! another one of usopp's favorite hugs is after a hard day of hardly seeing each other and now you're trying to support each other, for him these moments are the saddest, he'll even cry a little because he couldn't give you a minute all day long ;( my boy.
— kisses too hot! his lips are on yours in seconds and his palms on your neck are clenched while your brain is trying to understand what's going on.
— but he also loves sweet kisses, where you kiss him on the cheek and tell him how cute he is.
— sleeping on you ! you can't get up, so you have to literally throw him off you, "wtf? usopp? i can't breathe, get off 😐."
— he likes to watch comedies and ask every minute about what's gonna happen next.
— there is no room for arguments in your relationship, he will quickly put things into a happy environment and give you his beautiful smiles, but if you do have a problem he will listen to you and do everything in his power to make sure you're okay and not worry about anything.
— he's not jealous at all! why would he be? you're together and you love each other, you know he would never cheat on you and usopp knows you would never do the same, that's why you're fine.
sanji.
— he is such a gentleman ! he opens doors for you all the time, gives you things and does everything to make you feel at ease !
— his love languages are helping each other, supporting you in hard times and spending time together ! all these things are important to sanji as a man who wants to cherish your every moment.
— he loves just holding you close to you and kissing your neck while goosebumps run through your body. sanji also likes hugs where he pats your back and soothes you, hugs where sanji tosses you up and hears your most beautiful laugh.
— he likes to embarrass you so much! to see you blush and cover your face with your hands while sanji mocks and comes over to you ready to destroy you with a tickle.
— he cooks for you all the time, and it's delicious, he loves to surprise you with his new recipes, he doesn't mind if you help him with the cooking, which then turns into a game of survival.
— sanji is crazy about the unexpected kisses from you, he's just sitting there reading a magazine as you come up and give him the most sensual kiss in the world, but he doesn't mind the air kisses where he puts all his desire to kiss you.
— will watch your favorite shows with you, he doesn't care what it is, as long as you like it, he likes it.
— he's a little spoon! he loves it when your nose is against his back and your palms are stroking his chest, sanji gets so calm and he sleeps the most beautiful sleep ;(
— sanji is sometimes unbearable and it hinders your relationship, he likes it when you get angry and show your temper, but he won't let it go too far, you are his favorite, so sanji doesn't really want you to lose your nerve cells completely.
— he can only be jealous sometimes, but then he remembers that you're still his and he doesn't have to worry.
buggy.
— the most charismatic guy in the world ! flirts with you 24/7 and he is not ashamed. he will make you as red as a tomato and then kiss you on the corner of your mouth.
— loves the hottest kisses when you run out of air but you don't want to let go of each other. will lose his head if you kiss his shoulder or earlobe, BUgGY DoN'T BreAthe ! ! your lips are so airy but leave the wettest kisses.
— jealous quite a lot :( he trusts you completely, but doesn't trust the other people who want to take you away from him. even if you have been in a relationship for a long time, buggy is still afraid that you will find a better person than him.
— big spoon ! loves to hold you tight and smell you ! wakes up several times during the night to make sure you are near, even if he still has a dead grip on you.
— likes to take long walks with you and give you the most delicious drinks.
— he's not the best cook, but he'll learn to cook and get a michelin star for you.
— he doesn't think what he says, and when he realizes it, it's too late. he may accidentally tell you everything he thinks, and then he will kneel down and beg you to take him back. you are the most precious thing in his life and if he loses you, buggy will lose his air and the meaning of life.
— he likes to watch soap operas! absolutely any kind, there is no difference, because he likes everything and later he can discuss it all with you.
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rhaenella · 4 months
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CL16 | Is It Over Now? | pt.7
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pairing: charles leclerc x singer!reader
genre: social media au
summary: you and charles have been everyone's fave couple on the grid, but when you somewhat unexpectedly break up, you turn to songwriting to cope with the pain
face claim: léon
a/n: the finale... once again, all songs mentioned are either by taylor swift or léon. happy reading x
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part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6
masterlist
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Liked by taylorswift, danielricciardo and 1,292,849 others
y/n: End & New Beginnings. ONE WEEK.
✨Is It Over Now?~Say Don’t Go~Bigger Than The Whole Sky~You’re Losing Me~Now That We Don’t Talk~Pretty Boy✨
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user55: y/n’s latest masterpiece is incoming!!
user56: YES GIRL LETS GO
user57: omg finally 😱
user58: can’t fucking wait 💛
user59: babe are you realizing you’re releasing on friday the 13th 💀
user56: y/n is like “i’ve conquered all this year’s bad luck already, no one can stop me”
6 October
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Liked by carlossainz55, maxverstappen1 and 1,450,288 others
y/n: It feels like it’s been a long time coming and now it’s here, my new EP ‘End & New Beginnings’ 🤍 Been a few sleepless nights making this to be honest. Ups and downs like always. But now I’m just so happy to let go of it and let you have it, and hopefully you’ll embrace it and make it yours. 
To the incredible people who’ve been a part of this record, THANK YOU! Couldn’t have done it without you… 
Here’s to the end & new beginnings 🕊️
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taylorswift: Perfection 🥰✨🎼😍💋
y/n: ❤️❤️❤️
danielricciardo: ART.
Liked by y/n
lilymhe: Beautiful work sweetie, I can’t with how talented you are 🥹 You made me cry the entire 23 mins (and then again cuz it was on repeat)
y/n: Awww, thank you love 🥰 and I’m sorryyyy 🙊
alex_albon: It’s so so good! I didn’t cry tho…
lilymhe: Liar
Liked by y/n
landonorris: Wow 💕
Liked by y/n
yourbestfriend: You’ve outdone yourself once again, darling, love you
y/n: I love you more baby
user60: as someone who’s just gone through a terrible breakup too, i cannot express how comforting it is to hear these songs and realize i’m not alone
Liked by y/n
13 October
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You let your phone drop to the bathroom counter, blinking slowly, unable to fathom the conversation that had just taken place. Had he really just said those things? Scrolling through the texts confirmed that yes, he had indeed. The bastard.
Charles had always been the jealous type. But attacking you like that when he had been the one to… It was absolutely ridiculous. Apparently he still couldn’t—or wouldn’t—grasp the depths of how much he had actually hurt you.
You’d loved him with all of your heart. Until he had ripped it out and hurled it to the floor, letting it shatter into a million tiny pieces. Yet, even then, you would’ve forgiven him. If only he’d apologised. If only he’d shown true remorse. But he hadn’t. And so you’d been forced to walk the path of mending your own heart, and move on with your life.
Perhaps a small part of you had hoped that he could be happy for you. That somehow, even after everything, you would be able to greet each other normally—that you could coexist peacefully. But as his texts just now had demonstrated, that wasn’t going to happen. Not right now. And definitely not next week in Texas. You sighed. It would’ve been too good to be true, anyway. Especially considering who you were currently seeing…
A light knock sounded at the door, startling you out of those thoughts. 
“Are you almost ready to go, darling?” a male voice asked, soft.
Right. Dinner. Celebrations. 
You had been in the midst of applying the finishing touches to your makeup and outfit before Charles had interrupted, quite literally shocking you to the core when his name had appeared on your lock screen. He’d been the last person you’d expected to hear from today.
You swallowed the bitter taste that Charles’ texts had managed to leave behind. He wasn’t worth it, you repeated to yourself. You weren’t going to let his shenanigans ruin a perfect night—a perfect date. You ran a hand through your hair and readjusted the necklace around your neck when the bathroom door creaked open behind you. 
Looking up, your eyes met your handsome, new boyfriend’s through the mirror. He was smiling, eyebrows raised in silent question, ever patient as he waited for you to finish up. You felt your pulse quicken at the sight of him, dressed to perfection in a dark suit, hair neatly tousled.
As always, his presence was able to reassure you within the blink of an eye, the tense muscles in your neck and shoulders relaxing as you gladly let all of your complex emotions fall away.
“Yes,” you nodded, a genuine smile spreading across your lips. “I’m ready.”
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THE END
but who is she with? well, there’s a little (and not so subtle) easter egg that refers back to the beginning of part 6 that will confirm certain things… have you spotted it?
thank you everyone for coming along on this ride! it’s been a hell of a lot of fun writing and creating this story 🥰 my apologies to all the y/n x charles shippers out there, but as our songbird said: here’s to the end and new beginnings…
Now, if you'd like, please cast your votes below :)
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Tags: @sukisheadlights @eviethetheatrefreak @blueflorals @kiskso @dessxoxsworld @treehouse-mouse @dangeroustacoalienbiscuit @clown-fc @stopeatread @vanishingcherry @bb-swift @leclercdream @scenesofobx @kagatinkita @allywthsr @evieepepi08 @viennakarma @riverjane-d @httpjeonlicious @madnesstaking0ver @futurecorps3 @celesteblack08 @sadg3 @simxican @glow-ish @spideybv28 @laneyspaulding19 @tswizzleismother @slytherinfolk25 @merchelsea @1655clean @urgirlnextdoorr @cixrosie @lightdragonrayne @lxclerc @hopexcroc @nichmeddar @imthebadguyyy
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munsons-melody · 10 months
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angeleyes
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summary: after seeing nancy get pulled into a trance, eddie gets worried the same might happen to you and makes you a tape with your favorite song on a loop, even though you're broken up
pairing: eddie munson x female!henderson!reader
cw: bit of angst but ends with fluff
recommended songs: 'disillusion' and 'angeleyes' by ABBA
word count: 3.3k
a/n: did i start crying while writing this? yes, yes i did. also NOT PROOFREAD! also feedback is always appreciated :)
masterlist
part two of this fic called ‘your song’ can be found here
i do not consent to having any of my works republished, translated, or posted to any other site except here. if you see my works anywhere but tumblr, it has been republished without my knowledge, consent, or permission.
-
the two of you were together for almost a year. you were inseparable from the start but as months passed, you each kept getting busier and busier and whenever you were together, it would end in a giant screaming match with one of you crying while the other stormed off with no apologies in store till days later.
even though you knew the two of you were in a rough patch, you never expected the last fight to be your final one. you were at each others throats, a silly bicker turning into a full blown fight. you were both teary-eyed, throats sore from screaming and holding back tears, pacing all around the trailer. neither really knew what the fighting was about, but it didn't stop the screaming match that definitely caused the whole neighborhood to wake up from their peaceful slumbers
you still remember the exact moment you felt your world shatter. you stood in eddie's room, wiping the tears from your cheeks as you diverted your eyes from him to the floor, littered with his clothes and various items. you didn't want him to see you cry as hard as you were.
all you wanted was him to say anything like "i'm sorry" or "come here" and have him wrap you up in those strong arms of his, while he stroked your hair and told you he loved you and the two of you would be alright. but nothing of the sort came. the quietness deafening after the two of you stopped fighting.
"maybe we just aren't good for each other anymore," eddie muttered out, and you looked up at him with bloodshot eyes
"what? no! don't say that, please" you said, inching forward but he moved back to avoid your touch
"i think we should break up y/n" he said. it was like someone knocked all the oxygen out of your body as your heart started pounding
"eddie-" you tried but he shook his head, a couple of tears slipping down his cheeks
"y/n, please, just go" he said with anger hidden in his voice, facing away from you
"fine" you said, your blood boiling. you stormed out of his trailer and walked out into the cold evening air, using your walk home as a way to cool down and soon enough your anger turned into more sadness
once you arrived home, you couldn't help but let the tears flow freely, feeling as if your heart was broken into a million tiny little pieces
"shit are you okay?" dustin asked you as you crumpled onto the couch, not caring that you would most likely have to explain why you were crying.
"no" you muttered out, curling into a ball and putting a pillow over your face. he walked over to you, sitting on the coffee table across from you
"did you break up?" he asked and you nodded, turning your head to smush your face into the pillow, letting your tears soak into the fabric of the pillow
"shit shit you're gonna be okay i promise" dustin said with a panic
.
eddie's trailer was in pure chaos as everyone ripped his room apart, looking for some tape that wasn't a heavy metal song to aid nancy in freeing herself from vecna's trance
"music! we need music!" robin screamed out as you watched as she flung a handful of cassettes onto eddies bed, Eddie swiftly picking one of the iron maiden tapes up and screamed at her "this is music!" 
right as you grabbed another box of tapes you heard steve yell "guys!" and all of you ran to the small living room, littered with debris surrounding the mattress that served as your 'landing pad'
you looked up to see steve holding nancy on the floor and you immediately thought the worst, your heart pounding as it skipped a beat, not prepared to see the potentiality of your best friend dead in steves arms 
"she's okay! we're going to come through!" steve's voice rang out, laced with urgency. everyone nodded as they cleared the area. you watched as the two of your friends individually climbed up the makeshift rope and fall through the gate onto eddie's mattress
you saw everyone, or at least assumed everyone, swarm nancy, asking question after question of "are you alright?" and "what happened"
nancy just stayed quiet, holding her arms to herself blinking away tears, and you broke away from the group to get her some water as she slowly sat down on the couch
you moved through the all too familiar kitchen of the munson trailer, wanting to reminisce about the memories you shared with eddie in this kitchen, but refusing to do so due to the fact you a) didn't want to waste time helping nancy and b) didn't want to relive the memories that would just break your heart even more
once you handed nancy the water, you let her be, not wanting to overwhelm her or pressure her into talking about what just happened. you went back into the kitchen, not wanting to be in any ones way, and stood there with your arms crossed
this time you allowed yourself to let those memories creep back in. the early mornings where you would make pancakes for you and eddie's breakfast, and what would be wayne's dinner when he came home before he would go to sleep. the times you would teach eddie how to cook when you felt like making dinner together. the late nights you spent listening to the radio and would dance under the refrigerator light. the times you two would spend after hours of endless sex where even when you tried to have a break from each other to get some water just to end up fucking on the kitchen floor. 
hell, you even smiled to yourself about the time eddie accidentally bruised his knuckles after enthusiastically waving his hands around while in conversation and smacking them on the cabinet, and you of course had to kiss them better.
you heard some shuffling and mumbling behind you and turned to the hallway just to make eye contact with eddie as you watched him drag dustin down the hall and into his room
you heard the door close and some muffled voices, but you couldn't make out the conversation 
-
eddie shut the door and turned to dustin who stood there, confused as ever as to why he was being dragged down the hall 
"what is y/n's favorite song?" he asked with urgency. dustin looked taken aback.
"excuse me?" dustin questioned, looking at eddie as if he had five heads
"your sister, y/n, what is her favorite song?" he repeated with a stern tone
"shouldn't you know?" dustin snapped with an annoyed look upon his face. even though eddie was one of his best friends and someone he looked up to, this breakup between his sister and him was so new and fresh, he didn't know how to act in this situation
"well it changes with her, like it changes all the time man... for a while it was killer queen by queen and then it changed to dreams by fleetwood mac then it changed to, i think, amoreena by elton john? ugh" he groaned
"eddie, why do you want to know? didn't you two break up like a couple of months ago?" dustin pointed out and eddie shook his head, rubbing his temple 
"it was a little over a month ago but-" eddie started before dustin interrupted him 
"and didn't you break up with her?" he questioned further, crossing his arms 
"well technically but i-" 
"'technically' my ass! you completely broke her heart and now you want to know her favorite song? why do you even care all of a sudden? you didn't seem to care when she would come home crying after seeing you at school all day. you didn't seem to care when she wanted to go to her favorite place in this goddamn town but didn’t cause she was scared she'd run into you there. you didn't seem to care when she spent all of her money to buy you those stupid concert tickets for your birthday..." dustin's voice trailed off from his originally loud tone
eddie looked down, a lump forming in his throat
"i didn't know any of that..." he admitted, moving his head up to look at dustin with glassy eyes 
"what?" dustin said and eddie nodded, sniffling 
"i didn't know she did any of that, especially those tickets" eddie said, his voice cracking which mirrored the cracks forming in his heart
eddie sat down on the bed putting his head in his hands, feeling completely and utterly stupid 
"i am the biggest fucking idiot for breaking up with her. it was just the heat of the moment with that stupid fight- and i can't even remember what it was about! i was just tired of the fighting! and now it's been a month but i haven't even talked to her until all of this shit went down but god i love her so goddamn much and i will be damned if something happens to her- if nancy can get under his trance at random who knows if she's next" eddie ranted, standing up and putting both his hands on dustins shoulders
"please dustin, what is her favorite song?" he pleaded. dustin looked at him with sympathic eyes and sighed 
"angeleyes" he muttered out and eddie stared at him with a confused look written across his face
"i think her favorite song right now is angeleyes by abba... i always hear her listening to it and singing it around the house..." dustin told him and eddie's eyes widened 
he ran to the door to open it but as he did he it revealed you standing there, with your arm and fist up in a knocking position 
"y/n" he breathed out and you looked into his eyes, the knots turning in your stomach reminding you of the heartbreak he succumbed you to and you blinked, looking past him at dustin standing there
"sorry, uh we're heading to max's next door, it's safer over there" you said bluntly before turning around and walking down the hallway, steve wrapping his arm around your shoulder as you headed toward the door 
eddie watched you leave and made a b line into the cabinet that sat adjacent to their kitchen, opening the door and starting to rummage through the boxes
"what are you doing? didn't you hear y/n?" he heard dustin ask as he approached behind him
"i know for a fact that we have that abba song on an album somewhere" he rumaged some more before pulling out a handful of tapes by ABBA
"my mom loved them so we had a lot of their tapes," eddie explained, walking back to his room and grabbing a blank tape 
he looked on the back of each tape till he saw the small words ‘angeleyes’ on the back of the voulez-vous album
he put both in his boombox, playing the song and pressing record so he was able to make a loop of the song 
"eddie we need to regroup with everyone next door" dustin pleaded and eddie shook his head
"we can meet them after we get a good loop of at least 10 minutes" he said before turning back to his dresser 
"we shouldn't risk being here longer than we already have, what if someone hears us or even sees us in here?" he pleaded again and eddie shook his head, being stubborn as a mule 
"fine, we'll be all over there where its safe and you can be over here with the fear of being caught" dustin said with annoyance, starting to leave eddie's room when eddie walked over and stopped him 
"just wait 5 more goddamn minutes" eddie told him with an angry tone 
"jesus christ okay" dustin responded with his voice higher than normal 
eddie heard the end of the song and quickly paused the two tapes, and rewinded before pressing the play and record buttons 
he sat on his bed, listening to the song and the lyrics hit him like a train 
'Sometimes when I'm lonely, I sit and think about him And it hurts to remember all the good times When I thought I could never live without him And I wonder, does it have to be the same Every time? When I see him, will it bring back all the pain? How can I forget that name?'
shit he thought to himself, continuing to listen to the lyrics of the song 
'Look into his angel eyes One look and you're hypnotized He took my heart and now I pay the price Look into his angel eyes You'll think you're in paradise Then one day you'll find out he wears a disguise Don't look too deep into those angel eyes'
once the song ended, he rewinded and played it again, internalizing each word he heard from the song 
he came to his senses that both of you were hurting just as much when it came to this break up and he felt guilt and resentment gnawing away at him
how in the world could i ever get her back? he questioned himself, feeling as lost as ever
he heard the song again a couple more times as it was recorded onto the blank tape, feeling like a piece of his heart was shattering with each note
he finally felt satisfied with the loop he had made, and quickly ejected the tapes from where they sat and slipped it into his walk man and shoved it into dustins bag along with a pair of headphones, and they carefully walked out of eddie's trailer and to max's trailer next door
-
you stood next to robin in the kitchen, the two of you hungrily snacking down a pb&j after finding your appetite now that you knew everyone was safe and was able to take a breather from the traumatizing experience you all shared 
"here's one for you and nance" robin said, handing the plates to steve and he smiled before turning to nancy who was in the living room 
"where's eddie and dustin?" max asked you, making a sandwich herself and you shrugged, gulping down some water 
"i'm not sure, i mean i told them we were coming here and that was almost 20 minutes ago" you said, wiping your face
"should we go check to make sure they're still over there and not getting sucked back into the upside down?" robin asked and you nodded
"yeah i'll go, you two finish eating" you said, putting your plate in the sink and walking out to the front door but you noticed the two of them running across the street from eddie's trailer to max's and you switftly moved from the door as they jumped in 
everyone stopped and stared at them since they were out of breath
"where were you guys?" lucas asked and dustin looked at eddie before looking at you and then back to lucas 
"uh sorry we had to reattach the caution tape to the front door so it didn't look suspicious" dustin said, and everyone seemed to buy the lie, nodding to each other as everyone convened in the living room
-
you sat in the stolen rv in the back, looking out the window at the birds playing in the trees. it was parked on the side of the store where there was room to fit it without taking up spaces in the main lot.
you heard dustin and lucas up front near the steering wheel in some conversation when you felt the seat dip next to you.
you turned your body to see eddie sitting there looking at you. 
"hey" he said softly
"hi" you said back, turning to face back to the window 
you hadn't really talked to him over the past few days, not knowing what to do or say since you hadn't spoken since your breakup
"y/n can i please talk to you?" he asked sweetly, and you looked at him again, seeing his eyes in a fixed stare
you just nodded, turning to face him completely
"the reason i was late coming from my trailer earlier wasn't because dustin was fixing the caution tape" eddie started, reaching for dustins bag which was by his feet. you blinked at him, muttering an "okay?" which came out with a more annoyed tone than you intended 
he pulled out a walkman from the bag, and popped the tape out 
"y/n... i don't know what the hell will happen next but i know for a fact if anything happened to you and we didn't have a way to save you i-" he said, wiping a few tears from his eyes
your brows furrowed as you looked at the tape and back at him, meeting each others gaze
"i made this, uh, it's like a 20 minute loop of angeleyes by abba... dustin said it was your favorite song... after seeing nancy be put in that trance just so vecna could talk to her really freaked me out, and i don't know if he'll somehow use you as a pawn in his game, so this is for you" eddie said, fiddling with the tape before replacing it back in the walkman and handing it to you
"oh eddie..." you said, rubbing your thumb over the piece of technology
eddie's heart fluttered as he heard you say his name
"listen, nothing will happen to me, i promise" you said, grabbing his hand in yours. the fact that he was in the shittiest situation to ever occur and he was still thinking about you just made your love for him grow strong, which in turn only fed into your heartbreak because he wasn't yours to love anymore, and he had made that very clear
"yeah but if anything does, i want to- no i need to tell you... i love you y/n henderson. you were the best thing to happen to me in this godforsaken town and the fact that i messed things up will be something i will always regret. i hate that i told you i wanted to break up. i didn't- i was just so sick and tired of always fighting. i've never had someone like you in my life and i thought you were going to break up with me so i went and pulled the trigger before you could. this past month has been pure agony for me, and dustin went and rubbed salt into the wound when he told me about those tickets you got for my birthday, and jesus- im just, im sorry and i love you" eddie told you, rubbing his thumb gently over the back of your hand 
you cupped his face, leaning in to kiss him, craving his lips on yours. he kissed back before you pulled away to look at him
"eddie, i don't even know what to say" you muttered out and he shook his head 
"you don't need to say anything, i just needed to tell you how i felt just incase" he said and you took in a deep breath 
"i've hated you so much these past few weeks for what you did, but fucking hell i love you more than words can say eds. it was very stupid of you to assume i would break up with you just because we were going through a rough patch but, maybe when all of this is over and you learn not to be an idiot, maybe we could have a picnic by lovers lake, just me and you," you said softly, and eddie smiled 
"yeah?" he asked, his eyes lighting up 
"yeah, maybe i can even tell you about the concert tickets i spent all my money on... it was supposed to be a surprise but i guess dustin ruined that" you joked, and eddie chuckled 
"oh honey you didn't have to spend all your money on me, especially not on tickets," eddie said, brushing his fingers through your hair to push it back on your shoulder 
"but you deserve it, your birthday's coming up and ozzy osbourne was going on tour and i knew you wanted to see him" you shrugged with a small smile 
he kissed you passionately, and you melted into his touch, feeling the warmth of his lips on yours and you didn't realize how badly you needed him till this very moment. it was soon interrupted however as the door to the RV swung open, and you pulled apart, watching everyone clamber in yelling that we needed to go
the engine of the RV roared to life as steve sped off the premises, leading you guys onto the next part of your adventure to killing vecna
fin.
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pedrithink · 11 months
Text
understand ✩ jude bellingham
request: can you do jude and the reader arguing during their vacation and she starts crying when they're at the beach but she doesn't want him to notice but he notices and starts apologizing
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"I'm just telling you that I felt uncomfortable, that's all." You exasperate as you cross your arms. Is it so hard for Jude to understand your side?
He shakes his head impatiently. "And I'm telling you that no big deal happened."
"They were practically all over you, Jude. They were hitting on you and ignoring my existence." You roll your eyes to keep tears from escaping your eyes.
"And why does that matter? I'm with you, you know that." Jude runs his hands over his own face somewhat aggressively and, whispers. "There's no need to create a giant problem over a situation as silly as this."
"You seem to be schismatic about not understanding my side." You cross your arms. "The point is that they kept sending little papers with their instagram, sending drinks, and had the audacity to come to our table and talk to you while I stood there watching everything like an idiot." You swallow your tears and stare at him with glittering eyes. "And you did nothing."
"What did you want me to do? Please, love. They're just fans."
Jude's impatient voice only makes your heart tighter, and the moonlight, the sound of the breaking waves, and the sand invading your shoe do nothing to improve the situation.
Faced with this situation, you can only take a deep breath and hope that this is the dream and that you are not arguing while you are in such a paradisiacal place, hope that Jude understands 1% of what you are feeling right now.
"We traveled here to have fun on my vacation and look at the kind of ridiculous thing we're discussing in the middle of a party." He grimaces in dissatisfaction.
You don't have the guts to say anything else for the next 20-30 minutes and Jude much less.
You are surrounded by the noise of the party, the crashing waves and each other's pained, dissatisfied sighs.
Jude stood beside you, head down. In a way that he didn't need to face you for the moment. He knows that you need this moment of silence to think about everything you've said to each other in the few minutes you've come outside the party to talk.
But at no time does he dare leave your side. Whatever the fight may be, you don't leave each other's side without working it out.
It all started because of some women who didn't care that Jude was holding hands with you, that he was kissing you relentlessly and insatiably. They didn't care that he was with someone else and it bothered you because Jude wasn't able to say "Enough" to them, according to him, it was an unnecessary fight to buy.
You guys normally don't argue, you don't like it. You avoid it as much as possible and always respect each other's opinion and space, but this situation left you completely out of place and you tried to express this with the intention that Jude would understand your side.
Your eyes fill with tears when you hear Keshi's "Understand" playing in the background in the inner part of the party, the light touch of the music along with the sounds of the waves makes your heart squeeze because this is your song.
take you by the hand, you're the only one who understands.
Tears escape and you try to hide them as you bite down hard on your lower lip trying to keep the sobs from escaping your lips.
You don't want Jude to see you crying, but you can't stop more tears from flooding your face.
He is the person who understands you most in the whole world, so why does it seem that now you are not being understood?
Jude takes courage to look at you and is startled when he sees you crying. His heart shatters into a million pieces and the urge to pull you into a hug becomes immense, he can't resist and pulls you around your waist. "Hey, no. No, my love. I'm sorry, don't cry."
Jude's arms grab your waist and you try to avoid it, but you can't resist melting into his embrace either. "Please forgive me." He whispers as he strokes your hair. "I thought it was something silly, but now I can clearly see that you have been affected by it. Not knowing how to express myself properly is one of my biggest fucking flaws. I hate that about me."
Jude says the last sentence in a low way, he wanted to throw himself into the sea and disappear for a few minutes. He feels so ashamed for putting you through such a situation.
Jude's hands walk to your waist and pulls you back so that your eyes stick to his, he always liked to talk looking into your eyes. "Hurting your heart was the last thing I wanted in the world. Forgive me, my love."
"I know and understand that you didn't mean to, Jude. But, this lack of positioning hurts." You explain as you dry the trail of tears from your face. "It may be silly and insignificant to you, but it makes me insecure."
His eyes soften and you can even see a trail of tears forming on his edge. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I just thought I was making the right choices, trying to avoid a fight or something, but clearly I wasn't. It hurt you and I promise that from now on I will review my attitudes."
His hands walk over to caress your back. "I value you so much, I really do, and I honestly don't know what my life would be without you. I know I let you down, and in the end, I feel like it hurt me more than it hurt you because I can't handle the idea that I hurt you. I love you too much.” He whispers. “I didn't mean to hurt you like that."
You hug Jude by the neck and give him a light kiss on his lips, you know that he didn't mean to hurt you and this conversation (not the fight) was even good for you to clarify some points and prevent more situations like this from happening again in the future.
Jude makes you feel complete.
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jikookuntold · 1 month
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What Is Like Crazy About?
Since the day "Like Crazy" was released, I wanted to post about it, but couldn't get the time to focus and do a comprehensive analysis. Finally, right before the first anniversary of this masterpiece, I got the time, and the post is ready now. Before starting off, I have to remind you of the fact that a work of art can be interpreted in many different ways, and none of those interpretations are necessarily right or wrong. Every work of art contains a message that is the artist’s main intention from that creation, but the artist doesn’t have to explain it to the audience because a true work of art speaks for itself, even though not all audiences can receive it thoroughly.
I know that in the past year, so many different types of analyses and theories were made by fans to explain this song, and most definitely, I couldn’t keep up with all of them. Therefore, I’m not claiming my analysis to be a breakthrough, and you might have read most parts of it somewhere else. In this post, we are going to discuss “Like Crazy” from a lyrical and conceptual point of view, trying to find out what message or messages Jimin wanted to convey by creating it.
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About “Like Crazy”
“Like Crazy” as the title track for Jimin's first solo album, "FACE", stole the hearts of millions of fans and locals around the world, and inarguably became one of the most successful pop songs of the year 2023. I can talk for hours about how beautiful and successful “Like Crazy” is, and how it broke KPop boundaries and countless records. But, in this post, we are going to break to the surface and talk about the meanings and motivations behind this song and answer the questions like “How this song was made?” “What was Jimin's intention in writing these romantic lyrics?”
As I mentioned earlier, artists usually don’t directly address their main message and their intention in creating a form of art, but many of them speak about the motivations and inspirations that led them to the creation. Jimin hasn’t talked much about the sources of inspiration behind individual tracks of “FACE”, but I guess “Like Crazy” was an exception for him because he revealed on several occasions that he was inspired by “Like Crazy”, the movie. And this piece of information is the key to our analysis:
"I tried to express the feelings of that movie. You know, the somewhat complex, somewhat lonely, somewhat happy emotions. I tried to express all these ambiguous and subtle emotions in a slightly sexy way, but I’m not sure how it’ll end up being received by people.”
Like Crazy, The Movie
First of all, we need to keep in mind that “Like Crazy” is a completely original song, and Jimin has not used or sampled any songs, lines, or dialogues from the movie in his lyrical or visual concepts (even the intro and outro dialogues in the song were original and not from the movie). If Jimin had not stated his source of inspiration directly, the only hint that could have led us to it would be the title of the song, which duplicates the title of the movie since the title never appears in the lyrics.
So, Jimin chose this specific name for his song and announced his source of inspiration to make it clear that there is a straight and strong connection between the song and the movie. He made it clear that this connection is 100% conceptual and emotional, and if we want to know what “Like Crazy” is about, and what ambiguous and subtle feelings Jimin is talking about, we have to redirect the analysis to the concept of the movie, “Like Crazy”.
As we all know, “Like Crazy” is a romantic movie, and Drake Doremus directed it casting "Felicity Jones" and the late "Anton Yelchin" as the main characters, Anna and Jacob. Doremus based the storyline of this low-budget movie on his experience being in a long-distance relationship with his partner and developed it into a 90-minute-long movie, which was released in 2011 and became relatively successful.
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Anna and Jacob
A few days before the release of “FACE”, I was informed that the title track, “Like Crazy” is based on a movie of the same name. After learning this fact, I had to re-watch it because I couldn’t remember anything after a decade, and I had some questions like: “What was in this movie that made it so special for Jimin?” “How would Jimin feel watching this?”. Having this mindset helped me to see the movie differently, but before explaining those new insights we need a short storyline of the movie:
Anna is a British exchange student in LA, where she falls in love with Jacob, an American student, and they start dating. Anna, blinded by her love for Jacob, overstays her student visa and consequently gets banned from re-entering the United States. After experiencing a forced LDR, Jacob flies to London to visit Anna, and her father suggests that getting married might resolve the issue, but they are not ready for this big step. Jacob goes back to LA and basically chooses his job over Anna, but after some time, they realize that they can’t be apart, and they decide to get married. Six months after the marriage, when the time for the appeal of Anna’s ban comes, it gets rejected, and they lose their last hope of being together. Again, they go back to their sad lives, but after some time, Anna is finally offered a visa, and she leaves everything behind to reunite with Jacob. The ending scene shows how this separation has damaged their relationship, and things will never be the same.
The movie portrays the hardships of a long-distance relationship and the damage the separation can do to two souls and their connection. I think the recent movie by "Celine Song" named "Past Lives" was partially similar to like crazy, but also there was a big difference; unlike Nora and Haesung in “Past Lives”, Anna and Jacob don’t leave it to fate, they don’t forget about each other and don’t settle down with others just because their love seemed difficult or impossible.
They found true happiness only next to each other and did everything against all odds (especially Anna) to take that back. Maybe if Anna and Jacob weren’t in love like crazy and were more mature and realistic, they would end up like Nora and Haesung (Sorry if this spoiled that movie for you), but they didn’t and made their own bittersweet ending.
Many people claim that “Like Crazy” is a breakup movie with a sad ending, therefore, Jimin’s song also must be a breakup song. But, first of all, the ending can somehow be considered an open ending. We don’t know what happens after the shower scene, but we see them together, in each other’s arms, and this is not a totally sad ending by any movie standards. Other than that, Anna and Jacob became separated a few times, but they don't officially break up by choice, their separation is the result of contractual rules and laws, made by society.
This movie, as its director explained, might be originally about a long-distance relationship, but also the main relationship in this movie can be seen as a relationship that gets strained by laws and regulations, it’s about the rules and imaginary borders that decide if two people can be together or ban them from it. It’s a story of the “love against law”.
A Heterosexual Love Story?
When “Like Crazy” was released in theatres back in 2011, it got positive reviews for good acting that made the movie feel sweet and intimate with mostly improvised dialogues. Meanwhile, the negative reviews were focused on the plotline of this drama, calling it far from reality. Other than the fact that Jacob could have easily resolved this issue by taking his job from LA to London, in reality, the couple wouldn’t have faced this much difficulty over the legal complications, especially after getting married.
The fact is, straight couples usually never face this kind of hardship, and governments take that easy on them otherwise, there wouldn’t be so many sham marriages around the world just to get citizenship. So, the idea of a couple getting separated by law is not common, and that’s why many people called this movie implausible. But, a queer person can familiarly receive this implausibility, like when they want to be with someone forever, but the laws don’t let them.
Could it be this feeling that made “Like Crazy” special and a source of inspiration for Jimin? Or was it something smaller like the Santa Monica beach scene? I have no answer, I only make theories, and I think it’s better to leave the movie here and start the lyrical interpretation to see how these words and feelings can get connected.
The Lyrics
[Intro]
(I think we could last forever (I'm afraid that everything will disappear Just trust me)
As I said earlier, this intro is not a dialogue from the movie, but the narrators were told to do it based on the audio from the movie that was sent to them. So, hypothetically, it’s Anna and Jacob having this conversation. He is afraid of losing everything, but Anna assures him that if he trusts her, they can last forever. In the MV, we see Jimin standing in the crowd, but the time goes in reverse, and through a transition into his eyes, we see him sitting alone. Weirdly, the outro of the song is playing in the background here, but we will figure out the reason later.
[Verse 1]
Korean Version, Translated
She's saying Baby, don't think about it There's not a bad thing here tonight Baby, it's fine if you leave Stay with me, just for today
English Version
She's saying, Baby, come and follow me There's not a bad thing here tonight Save your reasons all for later Stay with me a little while
Anna asks him to follow her and assures him that everything is fine, it’s fine if this is not going to last long. It’s not the time for reason and overthinking. The gendered pronoun here refers to Anna, but we will know more about her in the next verses. It is worth mentioning that in the primary handwritten lyrics by Jimin, there was no “She” and it was modified later considering the dialogues added to the intro. Anyway, we know Jimin didn’t release these drafts in his album for no reason.
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In this part of the MV, we see Jimin sitting alone in a room, and with a flicker of lights, the room is filled with mud. Suddenly, a muddy hand of a girl grabs Jimin’s hand and leads him to a party. There are several symbols in this part, the lonely room is Jimin’s reality, and the party is his dream. The mud symbolizes dreams and desires that leave their trace on your life and soul.
[Verse 2]
Korean Version, Translated
Watch me go Drenching myself all night (Away) So that even the morning Gets drunk and doesn't arrive
English Version
Watch me go Now, I sink down, all alone away Where am I? A dark haze clouding up my eyes
From here, we don’t see the girl because Jimin and the girl became one. She was her reflection from the beginning, the side that leads him out of his loneliness, and allures him to his dreams and desires, tempts him to be careless and stop thinking too much. Some say she is Jimin’s Anima, but these lyrics never go to the deep levels of the subconscious to reach the Anima. She is his feminine side that is a tangible side of him, and Jimin’s asymmetric makeup gives it away. Also, the mirrored moves between Jimin and the female dancer in “Like Crazy’s” choreography made it clear that the feminine presence in this song is Jimin’s reflection.
[Pre-Chorus]
Korean Version, Translated
As the loud music I get faded out A cliché story like a drama I get used to it Have I come too far to find the me that you used to know Yeah, I know You know I know (Ooh)
English Version
I can hear the voices listening Don't know who they are Trying to take the pressure off Been reaching for the stars Tell me, will I find myself again? When I go too far? Yeah, I know You know, I know (Ooh)
Jimin enters the party and starts drinking, dancing, and having fun with the others. He laughs and enjoys himself in the crowd and trusts the supposed strangers, but the confusion doesn’t leave him alone. He feels lost, and as the lyrics say, he is worried about going too far and not finding himself again. The two opposite sides of him are conflicting. It’s the contradiction between "fear and desire", between "pain and numbness", between "loneliness and losing yourself", and between "reason and dream" that leaves him confused.
[Chorus and Post Chorus]
Korean Version, Translated
I'd rather be Lost in the lights, Lost in the lights I'm outta my mind Hold onto the end of the night Every night You spin me up high The moon with you in its arms Let me have a taste Give me a good ride (Oh, I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin') Oh, it's gon' be a good night (Oh, I'm fallin') Forever, you and I
English Version
I'd rather be Lost in the lights, lost in the lights I'm outta my mind Can you help me numb the pain? Each night, you spin me up high Emotions on ice Let me have a taste Give me a good ride (Oh, I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin') Oh, it's gon' be a good night (Oh, I'm fallin') Forever, you and I
In this part, he confesses which side he really wants to follow. He wants to go out of his mind, lose himself to the desire, and leave the reason behind. It’s the escapism that saves him from loneliness and the pain of real life. The chorus is the sexy and at the same time, the most poetic part of this song, especially where he is spinning up high in the arms of the moon.
The last line of the post-chorus, “Forever you and I” which also repeats in the last part of the interlude, is crucial because it declares that Jimin is not talking about vagrancy or promiscuity. He wants it all with his significant other, the only one who can help him numb the pain of real life and escape it. But this escapism has its consequences, and we see all that mud flush out of every corner symbolizing it. This scene artistically ends with Jimin facing his reflection in the crowd. The question is, is this reflection the same significant other, or is it Jimin himself? We will get the answer in the next part.
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[Verse 3]
Korean Version, Translated
The me, reflected in the mirror Is going crazy endlessly I'm feelin' so alive, wasting time
English Version
All my reflections, I Can't even recognize I'm feelin' so alive, wasting time
His fear of losing himself was true, and it's happening now. This duality confuses him and makes him question his reality. Which side is the true Jimin? He doesn't care anymore because this escapism makes him feel alive.
Here in the MV, we see Jimin facing the reflection, and it immediately cuts to the restroom scene where he faces his literal reflection in the mirror and talks to him about not recognizing him anymore. Then, the restroom being dismantled symbolizes his state of mind. "The reflection of myself in an unfamiliar appearance" was the concept of "his "FACE" which was a whole album about Jimin himself.
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[Outro]
This will break me This is gonna break me (Break me) No, don't you wake me (Wake me) I wanna stay in this dream, don't save me Don't you try to save me (Save me) I need a way we (Way we) I need a way we can dream on (On, on, on) (Alone again What's the point?)
Jimin knows the consequences of losing himself but embraces it. He knows it's gonna break him but doesn't want to wake up from his dream. He knows everything will collapse but doesn't need a savior. He wants to stay in that dream, but he knows it's impossible, and sooner or later, he will be dragged out of it.
Is there a way to cut all the connections to the real world of loneliness and stay in this dream forever? We get the answer in the MV, and it's not positive because suddenly, everything goes backward in speed, to where we started (remember the outro being played in the beginning? That was the clue).
He goes back to his lonely room with a muddy hand. Did his hand get dirty from a touch of his reflection, or was the muddy hand in the beginning his own hand? Is he trapped in a loop? Maybe. Maybe this wasn't his first or the last time coming back from that dreamland, and it was the reason for so much mud accumulated in his room. He is a regular in that dreamland and he can't quit.
Conclusion
It's understandable if this analysis of the movie, lyrics, and the MV didn't guide you in any direction, and maybe you are even more confused after reading it all. But don't blame yourself because Jimin already told us that, his emotions for this movie are complex. So, don't look for just one answer, maybe we are not supposed to end up with one conclusion, and this song also can have multiple interpretations and meanings. But what are these meanings?
If you pay attention to the lyrics and the MV you will realize that despite them being aligned and in sync, the lyrics have more connection to the movie. While filming the MV, Jimin mentioned that things (scenes of the MV) didn't happen like this in real life, which was an obvious fact, because this song is clearly not about being the life of the party and stuff like that, and has more internal meanings.
In "Like Crazy", Jimin talks about the loneliness of his real life, the isolation and limitations he experienced during the pandemic, and maybe other times. But Jimin finds an alternate reality, where he can be himself, be free and careless, and forget about the future. This alternate reality is rooted in two possibilities: The feminine side, and the significant other. The feminine side is what we face in the MV, and there are not many signs of it in the lyrics.
The feminine side appears as a muddy hand and a presence at the part that faces Jimin and becomes one with him as his reflection. The idea of "bigender" is nothing new in the concepts that Jimin has offered on different occasions, from his fake tattoos in ARMY-Zip 2019 to the performance of "Filter" in 2020 and his photopholio in 2022, he has expressed this fluidity in his work, and I think the visual concept of "Like Crazy" with his different makeup in the MV and the choreography was the epitome of it.
What about the significant other? As I mentioned in the analysis of chorus parts, "Forever You and I" Can only be interpreted as his exclusiveness to someone who is his significant other. This person is the one who saves Jimin from his loneliness and assures him about their happy ending. This person has no doubt in them lasting forever and only wants Jimin to trust him to take the lead and let that happen.
He keeps saying to his significant other that there is no future. They can't be together forever, this is just a temporary situation, and despite finding comfort in each other, they should not get attached because they will forced to be separated. It's not like Jimin doesn't believe in this love, he does and has the same wishes and dreams, but he keeps getting dragged to the real world where the rules govern.
This part is just a personal opinion as a Jikooker, but I did this analysis in my head last year when "Like Crazy" was newly released and had no intention of making a connection between this and Jikook, until "Seven" came out. We all know JK had no hand in making the sexy lyrics of "Seven", but after watching the MV (which had nothing to do with the lyrics), I couldn't unsee the fact that the concept of Seven's MV looked so much like a response to "Like Crazy's" lyrics. Still, we don't know if JK gave any ideas for the concept of the MV, but considering his record of working as an MV director, it's not impossible.
The End.
This is all I could say about "Like Crazy", a masterpiece that is still thriving in the charts and still touches people's hearts because it comes from real and deep emotions that Jimin had in his heart. That emotion got us the moment we listened to it for the first time, even though verbalizing it, is never easy, no matter how many analyses and reviews we write.
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navstuffs · 10 months
Note
hi dear! how you doing? please don't goo to crazy! could i request maybe a blurb or hc about leon and reader in a silly misunderstanding? like maybe they're friends and the whole situation gets them to confess? lol
A convenient misunderstanding
Pairing: Leon Kennedy x GN!Reader
Summary: Leon thinks you are in love with someone else.
Author's Notes: hey anon, i am okay, how about you? you are so sweet, thank you so much! i made this angsty, silly and cute, so i hope you like it!
requests are open for leon, carlos, poly leon/carlos! | my leon's masterlist
You and Leon have been friends for a couple of years. It felt longer since Leon knew you better than anyone: your favorite flavor of ice cream, the temperature of your shower (not too hot, not too cold), the favorite episode of your comedy tv show, the playlist on his phone that has your name, with songs chosen by you. He cares about all the little things that matter to you because Leon likes to see you happy.
So, of course, you tell yourself you can't fall in love with him because you can't lose a friend like that, but the heart does what it wants, and in a couple of months, you realize you are doomed. Hard.
You keep those feelings bottled up for the good of your relationship, but it gets too much. So much so that Friday night, when Leon arrives at your house to watch the ridiculous-comedy-bad movie night, he finds you miserable by the sofa.
"Hey, what is wrong?"
You sniffle before you answer, opening your arms and searching for his warmth. Leon's hands immediately pull you to him, his eyes staring at you, worried. Leon looks like he is about to kill whatever made you upset.
"I think I like someone I shouldn't, Leon."
The weight of your admission heavily weighs on Leon's chest, and you can feel him freezing. His voice sounds low and almost fearful when he answers.
"Must be a lucky guy. Do I know him?"
"Yeah, you do."
Leon lets go of you, a sad smile on his face, and gently taps your chin. You really, really want to tell him, but you can't. Leon also doesn't pressure, bringing you close to him and kissing the top of your head.
Because Leon Kennedy knows exactly who that man is. His and your best friend, Luis Serra. Leon couldn't blame you: Luis always made you laugh the hardest, and Leon saw the happiness of being around him in your eyes. Leon had no hopes it was him, for more than he desired from the bottom of his heart.
"You should tell him," Leon whispers, his heart breaking a million pieces. You sigh, nodding, holding into his shirt.
So the next time Leon meets you is at a small friend gathering; the first thing Leon notices is you and Luis talking, separated from the others. He tries to be happy for you, and he indeed does, but when Luis pulls you into a hug, Leon can't bear to watch it anymore, so he leaves to the front of the house, ignoring Claire's calls for his name.
No one comes looking for him for a while, and Leon stays alone watching the stars. Soon, he hears footsteps behind him, and you join him, a drink in your hands and an adorable smile on your face. You look happy. Leon looks to the stars again, ignoring the pain in his heart but, at the same time, trying to be content for you.
"Hey."
"Hey."
"Claire told me to come get you. She said you left without saying anything."
"Needed some air," Leon answers straight. You are surprised by his harsh tone but don't argue. You two stay in silence for a bit until you speak again.
"Remember our conversation last Friday? About the guy I liked?"
Badum. Badum. No, please, Leon thinks, a pain deep inside his chest that he feels spreading in his soul. He really doesn't want to hear about you and Luis now, but he doesn't want to break your heart.
"I saw. Congratulations," Leon answers, crossing his arms to hide his shaky hands.
"What?"
"You and Luis. I saw. Congratulations. I am happy you confessed." Leon tried again, and you looked confused.
"Me and Luis? What are you talking about, Leon?"
"I saw you hugging him at the party?" Leon tries again, glancing at you. You still look confused, holding the cup tightly in your hands. He sighs, "Look, I am sorry, but I don't really want to hear it. I am glad you and Luis are together now, but it would be just too much for me."
"Me and Luis aren't together? What are you talking about? Nothing is going on between me and Luis!" You try to argue. Leon keeps talking over you, too absorbed and letting his feelings out, and you two end up talking over each other.
"—but, I can't, I can't see you two together. I am sorry, this is so cowardly on my part, and this is stupid, but I love you, okay? So there."
"Luis and I aren't together because the man I love is you!"
Silence. You and Leon stop, asking at the same time again.
"Did you just—?"
"Leon, did I hear—?"
Silence again, and the realization kicks in for both of you. You look down, embarrassed, your heart pounding in your chest. Leon blushes, trying to understand where he got everything wrong.
"Wait, but you told me you were in love."
"I never said it was Luis, Leon. You assumed."
"Right."
You raise your head to find your best friend completely taken back. He notices you looking at him and attempts to smile, and you close off the distance between you two, his arms going over your body as you cup his cheeks to look at you.
"You are the one I love, Leon Kennedy. I didn't say it before because I was afraid. I didn't and don't want to lose you."
"You aren't losing me. I am yours forever now." Leon whispers, rubbing your cheek. Your whole body vibrates with happiness, and when you two finally kiss, there is a sudden cheering behind you.
You and Leon separate, startled, his arms surrounding you protectively. It is your group friends, most noticeably Luis in the front, the one clapping the loudest and cheering, "Finally!" You hide your face in Leon's shoulder.
"They are never letting go of this, right?"
"Never." Leon doesn't care one bit. As long as he has you in his arms, he will be fine.
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luna-writes-stuff · 6 months
Text
I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing, Steve Harrington
Song link
Fanfic, fem! reader
Mutual pining, fluff
Word count: 3494
Tw: As a fellow introvert it pains me to tell you you are now going to prom. Sorry. There’s an f-bomb in here. Light cursing?? Idk have you even watched Stranger Things?
Summary: Steve was convinced he was only able to fall in love once, and that one love was Nancy Wheeler. And when all of that fell apart, he met you. He couldn’t explain how or why, but you were simply it for him. Never before had he been anxious to ask a girl out, so why were you so different? And how come Dustin knows more about flirting than he does?
Buy me a coffee/force me to write more
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“I could stay awake just to hear you breathing. Watch you smile while you are sleeping. While you're far away and dreaming.”
Steve has only been in love once - Nancy Wheeler. He had told himself this over and over again. He knew what it felt like, he knew what it was like. He knew what the difference was between liking and loving. And the only one he had truly loved was Nancy Wheeler. So, when she started dating Jonathan, his heart crumbled into a million little pieces. For once, he finally understood the girls at his high school who would spend their break wallowing away in bathrooms.
After that, he wouldn’t dare even look at others in a specific way. He was convinced he could only love one person his entire life. He’d never find something real after that. It was a terrifying melodramatic thought in his head that simply refused to leave.
He was at his lowest when he met you.
“I could spend my life in this sweet surrender. I could stay lost in this moment forever. Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure.”
How you had never caught his eyes, he couldn’t quite believe. For years, you had been in the same English class. Hell, you used to sit directly next to him for a handful of months. He was so blindly and foolishly in love with Nancy, he refused to see anything else for him out there. And where he had once blamed it on loyalty and fidelity, he could now only consider himself as stupid.
You were forced to work on a project together in your senior year, Steve’s final year of torment. He was too late to pair with familiar faces, and was left with the person behind him - you. A lucky coincidence.
It wasn’t anything special at first. You were simply a classmate. But when he failed to show up on agreed study times, or refused to form a normal conversation with you, you showed up at his doorstep. You barely even know him, yet you took the effort to seek him out - initially in pure anger, as this was supposed to be your grade as well, and he was screwing it up, but you afterwards considered this action to have been out of genuine caring. It wouldn’t take an expert to recognize that he had not been true to his prior years persona.
Reluctantly, he had allowed you in, trying to procrastinate as much as he could. You spent the evening properly introducing yourself. You talked about family, work, school, interests, and friends that would later appear to be somewhat mutual (Steve didn’t necessarily consider Jonathan his friend, but he at least knew him on certain terms.) Where you first appeared to be the stuck-up good grades student, he found that you were actually quite interesting to talk with. Even if your interests weren’t always related, he found himself relaxing around you.
“Don't wanna close my eyes. I don't wanna to fall asleep, 'Cause I'd miss you baby. And I don't wanna miss a thing.”
It took two weeks for him to shift slightly around you. He’d grown more comfortable, and had actually tried to put in some effort in your project. After the study dates, he’d treat you to a drink at a nearby snackbar on his way to your home. During classes - if they were shared -, he started seeking you out more. Sometimes, though rare, he’d sit at your table at lunch, ranting about a teacher or a test he just had.
It took two more weeks before he started changing again. To him, it came out of nothing. You had been at his place, discussing what you would be doing the final three weeks of your project, your voice passionate as you explained your plan, your hands following along with your speech enthusiastically. Then, it all clicked for him. There was no special thing you did that made it happen: no faces too nearby, no flirty laugh, no hesitant hug, no brief kiss on his cheek - it was simply you speaking about something you were excited about. And his heart skipped a beat at it. The feeling you’d get just before you go down a rollercoaster, or when your chair almost falls backwards - but then in a good way.
The last time he felt that was when Nancy winked at him from across the room. And that was last year. He knew the feeling, and it did not take him longer than a second to figure out what it was. He didn’t dare to say it, though. He might say the wrong thing, or do the wrong thing and something about that made him so scared. He’d never felt anxious to walk up to someone and simply confess how he felt. It came easy to him.
Not after that one stupid rant you did.
“'Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream would never do, I'd still miss you baby. And I don't wanna miss a thing.”
He wouldn’t speak of it to anyone. He hadn’t even told himself out loud yet. He told himself that if he’d speak it, it might disappear, or bring him bad luck. He cursed himself afterwards and scolded his mind for suddenly picking up superstition.
He’d try so badly to behave somewhat normal around you, and not as if his heart was beating way too quickly whenever you spoke his name or nudged his shoulder with your pen. In his eyes, he was doing a great job at it. He didn’t stutter once, nor did he forget his words. He didn’t sweat, didn’t act on emotion. He was completely nailing this.
He never noticed his staring. You had.
“Lying close to you, feeling your heart beating. And I'm wondering what you're dreaming. Wondering if it's me you're seeing.”
You had noticed it only a day after Steve’s realisation. Sure, he had shown interest in you, but they never included prolonged eye contact, nor the feeling of being watched over during classes. It was uncomfortable when it first started, but when he failed to do anything about the staring in a negative sense, you figured his mind had just been too preoccupied with other things and let it slide.
But every time you’d walk the halls, you swear Steve kept his eyes on you even after you had greeted him at the lockers. During breaks, he would constantly be throwing you looks, and you had to pretend to look at something else to not be creepy as well. He started walking you to your car, helping you carry school books, and saving you lunch.
You might not have been the smartest, but you weren’t oblivious. He didn’t do this for his other friends - which he had known way longer than he had known you. He wouldn’t even walk his ‘children’ friends outside school. And you might have understood him if he had done so. But he didn’t. Not with anyone except you.
But maybe you were thinking too much of it.
“Then I kiss your eyes And thank God we're together. And I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever. Forever and ever.”
“Steve,” Dustin urged. “Earth to Steve.” The boy in question only grunted in annoyance, reluctantly tearing his eyes from you and your friend group. “Dude, this is almost becoming creepy.” Dustin continued. “Just talk to her. You’re friends, right?” “Yes, Dustin,” Steve groaned. “We’re friends.” An aloud confirmation. To himself and to Dustin. You were just friends, sure.
“Friends don’t really stare at each other the entire time.” Rolling his eyes, Steve shook his head at the boy, giving him a pointed look. “I’m not looking at her the entire time.” “Maybe not, but when you’re not looking, she is.” That made his head spin around too fast, his eyes briefly meeting yours before they cast back to your friends.
“That’s totally normal,” Dustin emphasised. “Me and Mike make love-sick eyes at each other the entire time.” “Will you shut it?” Steve hissed, his face warm as he tried to look at the wall behind you. “I would, but all of this staring is making me sick.” “No one asked you to look.” “It’s impossible not to.”
“I don't wanna close my eyes. I don't wanna to fall asleep, 'Cause I'd miss you baby. And I don't wanna miss a thing.”
“She’s totally into you, you know that right?” Dustin prodded. “Shut up.” “No, I’m serious, man. She’s my babysitter and she talks about you all the time.” He exaggerated, a notion Steve was quick to catch onto, giving the younger boy an accusing look. “Okay, so, maybe I am the one who brings you up, but she is the one who starts laughing and talking all about how funny you are.” He defended, holding his hands up as he shrugged. And with those words, Steve was left speechless for just a short second.
“If you ask her out to prom, I can guarantee you, she’ll say yes.” Dustin hinted. “You’ll have the perfect ambiance - lights, music, clothes, and amazing company.” “Dude, you’re twelve.” Steve deadpanned, yet curiously thinking Dustin’s offer over. “I’m thirteen.” “Big difference.”
“If this is what growing up is like, I don’t want any part of it.” “No,” Steve finally agreed. “Trust me; you don’t.”
“Dude, you’re the king of Hawkins High,” Dustin tried to convince. “If you can’t ask a girl out, what are my chances?” Steve formed his lips in a thin line upon the words, shrugging aimlessly. Dustin’s hands found Steve’s biceps, clutching them tightly, taking him by surprise. “Give me hope, Steve.”
“Geez, man,” Steve muttered confused. “It’s not the end of the world.” “You’re right: it isn’t.” Dustin agreed, a sudden smile on his face. “So, talk to her.” Then, he turned the older boy around, forcing his eyes to suddenly fall on yours. Again, his face heated up at the contact, his eyes back on the wall behind you before yours could fall to the floor in a flustered mess.
“'Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream will never do, I'd still miss you baby. And I don't wanna miss a thing.”
He wanted to back away, let the weird thirteen-year-old he met last year down and swallow his pride to the depth of his stomach, but one of your friends had already noticed him, sparing him a wave before taking off with the rest of the group, leaving only you there. If he couldn’t even ask you when you were alone, what dignity did he have left?
And thus, with courage he did not know he had to muster up, he walked towards you, his heart wildly beating, screaming at him to turn around and hide while he still could. Stupid. That never happened before. It was scary - he hated it. Weak for a talk.
“You didn’t mention a little brother,” You began, trying to start a conversation as your eyes fell on Dustin, who had - not so casually - started paying a lot of attention to his shoes. Chuckling awkwardly, Steve shook his head. “No, he’s not my brother.” “Cousin?” “Weird kid that started following me around last year.” A quiet ‘ah’ of understanding escaped you as you nodded hesitantly. “Must have been quite the conversation you were having.” “You really don't want to know.” You laughed at this.
Stupid. Stupid heart skipping that stupid beat at your stupid smile.
“I don't wanna miss one smile. And I don't wanna miss one kiss. And I just wanna be with you Right here with you, just like this.”
Then, the silence came. You hadn’t shared those yet. You always had a lot to say, and if not, he would. But this was an uncomfortable silence. Granted, he had known you for five weeks, but he did not like this one bit. He felt as if he had gotten to know you better in five weeks than he had his other friends in four years. He didn’t even know if Tommy had a brother or a sister - or maybe it was both. He knew your entire family, though.
Dustin was right. That wasn’t normal for friends. Or at least - not for his versions of friends. He was interested in them, but not as much as he was in you. And that wasn’t just because you were generally pleasing to look at. It was important to him, though.
“Um, pretty,” Steve mumbled, not even realising what he had said. An unconscious notion of himself as he tried to fill the silence. It even startled him, his heart sinking slightly as he tried to cover it up. “Prom.”
Yes, there was no going back now.
“And I just wanna hold you close. I feel your heart so close to mine. And just stay here in this moment For all the rest of time.”
“Prom.” You nodded at him as he repeated his words. “Next month.” You reminded him, thinking he didn’t know the date. “Right, yes,” Steve agreed, grateful you hadn’t taken up his slip. “Do you plan on going?” You thought of it for a while. In truth, you had meant to be going with a friend, but she cancelled last week, claiming she’d rather take another friend who would be in town that week. You understood her - you might have done the same. But you weren’t going to show up to prom alone. Besides, staying home wouldn’t be the worst idea. Cinemas would likely be very empty that night. You might spend your evening there.
“I don’t think so.” You finally settled on. “Not?” “I was gonna go with a friend, but she cancelled.” “That’s lame, I’m sorry.” Steve tried to offer in sympathy, but you shook him off. “No, I don’t blame her. One of her long-distance friends will be in town, and she’d rather take her.” “Still,” Steve continued. “That must have sucked.” You lightly shook your head at him, a tiny grin on your face. “Yes, but it’s okay. I don’t hate her for it.”
Another silence. This time due to both of you thinking over your words. Stupid. He never had to do that before.
“Why?” You prodded playfully. “Planning to ask me yourself, Harrington?”
Yet again, his heart skipped a beat. Stupid.
“Don't wanna close my eyes. Don't wanna fall asleep, 'Cause I'd miss you baby. And I don't wanna miss a thing.”
“Only out of pity.” He covered up quickly, his eyes not deviating from yours once. “I’m the worst pity party.” You joked, to which he faintly found himself sparing a laugh. “I’d be happy to join it.” “Yeah, you would.” You replied sarcastically, nodding your head in humour.
A third beat of silence. Now, the pounding in his heart was begging for some action. One more silence and he might spontaneously combust. “What if I was?” He mustered out, his eyes falling back on the wall behind you. Looking behind you to see what he was looking at, you frowned lightly, forcing your eyes back to his face. “What if you were what?” “Planning to ask you to prom?” A deep falling of his heart. Stupid.
“I’d ask why you didn’t ask future prom queen Heather.” You replied after a handful of seconds, not sure how to respond to him. You’d be lying if you said your heart wasn’t copying his exact movements. “Because she’s fake.” He stated easily, causing you to gasp lightly, looking around to check if others were around. “Steve,” You scolded. “I’m serious,” He disclosed honestly. “She always pretends to feel bad for others, but she’s as much of a bully as she is narcissistic.”
You could join him and rant about this girl, but in truth, you barely even knew her. Part of it made you feel guilty. Thankfully, Steve caught on quickly: “Besides, I already rejected her.”
“'Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream would never do. I'd still miss you baby. And I don't wanna miss a thing.”
Mouth slacked open, you looked at him in surprise. Again, you didn’t really know the girl, but you knew her enough to be aware of her reputation. Or, more importantly, her looks. “You rejected Heather?” You asked confused, a feather light feeling entering your stomach. “Yeah, well, I’m not really one for dances, but I could make an exception.” Steve defended, trying to play it off cool. His exterior was doing a great job at it. Inside, whatsoever, it was pure rampage. His brain was scavenging for the right words or actions. He truly didn’t want to screw this up, but he had never felt this anxious around a person. If this would not be the moment, he didn’t know if it would ever come again.
Luckily, you did not notice the turmoil, and responded to his words before he could make a fool out of himself. “You’d make an exception for your study buddy?” You tested, still unsure whether he was joking or not. If he was, it was a cruel one. “You need those grades, don’t you?” “No.” He denied quickly, almost instantly. “I’d make an exception for a good friend. And all I need is just a little bit of your time.” “For what?” You asked, raising your eyebrows slightly.
Holding you, you idiot. Keeping you close, not tearing my eyes from you if I can help it. Maybe a little kiss here and there, light touches on your waist, repressing those stupid beats of my heart.
Instead, what came out was: “Dancing, duh.”
“I don't wanna close my eyes. I don't wanna fall asleep, 'Cause I'd miss you baby. And I don't wanna miss a thing.”
“I don’t have an outfit.” You avoided, slightly taken aback by his cool behaviour. Sure, you had learned his humour, but you would be lying if you said you weren’t expecting him to show just a little emotion and a positive response to your slightly high hopes. Then, he said something that truly took you aback.
“Wear this. You look beautiful in this too.” It was out before he could even stop it. He hadn’t even realised his brain had been forming these words. They just stumbled out. And when you went slack at them, he wanted nothing more than to dig his head into the nearest wall. “I’m-“ He tried to salvage, desperately stumbling over his words.
Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. This was exactly what he had been avoiding all this time and now his speech was failing him.
“I’m sorry, that was-“ No words managed to follow up that trail of thought, leaving you there, still wide-eyed. “Fuck.” He silently mumbled to himself, before just running with what he had slipped out. “You look perfect just like this.”
“Thank you.” You nearly whispered, your heart surely in your throat now. This was precisely what you wanted to hear, so why did you not know how to respond to it.
“Yeah, no problem.” Steve sighed helplessly.
“'Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream would never do, I'd still miss you baby. And I don't wanna miss a thing.”
“So, prom? With me?” He swallowed his dignity, saying his words as he had always meant them. No de-tours now. And at that, your courage began to build up again. “As friends?” You tested. “Maybe,” Steve answered. “Or, maybe, as a date.” A sigh of relief swept through you, the action not going unnoticed by Steve. He did not mention it however.
“It’ll be a hell of a first date.” You muttered, your happiness doing its best containing itself. “It doesn’t have to be.” Steve dismissed. Your hopes fell to the floor at that, afraid you had gotten ahead of yourself. Hadn’t he said it aloud? Hadn’t he proposed it had been a date?
“I heard the cinema is playing Gremlins tonight.” He interrupted your train of thought, a slight smile on his face. You copied it nearly immediately, more relief flooding your senses. And then, a sudden burst of confidence: “You know the purpose of the cinema is watching movies, right? Not me.” Hissing and nodding at your hint, his shoulders fell slightly. “Am I that creepy?” “At first, yes,” You admit honestly. “But it’s cute.”
Cute. Stupid.
“What time?” Having remembered the exact time for this perfect scenario, Steve perked up slightly. “Eight.” “Pick me up at seven-thirty,” You proposed. “You know where I live.” Then, you turned around, ready to head to your next classes. You spared him a light wave, before moving towards the halls. His eyes followed you until you were out of sight.
That stupid smile. Those stupid eyes. Your stupid voice. Your stupid humour.
You were going to be the death of him.
“Don't wanna close my eyes. I don't wanna fall asleep, And I don't wanna miss a thing.”
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areyoudoingthis · 6 months
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need to make a separate post about this because the way Ed looks at Stede during Pete and Lucius' wedding is hitting me so hard again.
we began the season wirth Ed fully convinced that he was unloved, unloveable and incapable of love, the holy trifecta of breaking my heart into a million pieces. he was so convinced of these things that he tried to die about them.
and then stede finds him again, first as a mermaid in his fantasy and then the real thing, and he keeps telling him that he loves everything about him throughout the entire season. he praises his chin, his fish, makes love to him while love songs are sung and fireworks go off.
and by the end of the season Ed has finally stopped running away from himself and from Stede and their love and he's ready to tell Stede that he loves him, to believe that he can love him, that he's not too monstrous for love. and he's ready to embrace that Stede loves him back, that this man he views as this beautiful, bright person he once believed he would never be allowed to have actually sees him for who he is and chooses him and loves him.
and!!!! they don't just kiss and confess their love on the beach after they reunite, they don't just agree to retire to take it slow and heal together for a while. Ed looks at Stede during the ceremony where their friends are pledging a lifelong commitment to each other and finally allows himself to make some kind of plan about marrying him eventually, allows himself to believe he can have Stede in his life like that for good, forever. he doesn't need the red silk anymore because he has reached out and taken all the things he was once told he didn't deserve to have
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apomaro-mellow · 2 months
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Hot for Teacher(s) 3
Part 2 / AO3 Link
After school practices for the Thanksgiving performance was only for the students who wanted to put a little more time into it. Apparently a bulk of the rehearsal happened during their music class and that made sense. Still, Steve was glad to put a face to some of the kids his son mentioned. The first night there had been a girl who's lip trembled at the slightest upset and Steve knew that had to be Yasmin.
"She's a crybaby who cries over everything", Shawn had said one time.
"Hm, need I remind you of all the times you've cried? Why I remember just last week-"
"We don't need to talk about that", Shawn said, properly chastised.
Even so, Steve could see how it could get a little frustrating to be in a class with someone as sensitive as that. And yet, Mr. Munson never let on that he was frustrated or anything like that. Every time the tears came, he talked her down. Which was quite the feat since he had probably been doing it for eight hours at this point.
"You're really good with the kids", Steve complimented when Mr. Munson took a seat near them to rest.
Third grade was working on their performance piece on the stage now while the smaller kids got a break. Mr. Munson smiled a bit as he scratched at his head.
"Yeah, well, patience is key, as I'm sure you know. Actually, how old are the kids you teach?", he asked.
"Middle school", Steve answered, laughing a little when he saw the other teacher's eyes get wide in fear.
"Braver than any marine, I swear. I will take spilt milk tears over the raging hormones going on over there."
Steve's brain decided to highlight the word 'hormones' which made him delayed in his response. He cleared his throat to try and cover it up. "It's not as bad as all that. I've got the babies of middle school, the sixth graders, but don't tell them I said that. And I'm lucky I've got a group there that's absolutely obsessed with science."
He met Mr. Munson's eyes and was met with a million watt smile. One that he knew was on his own face too.
"That's the best feeling, ain't it? When they wanna soak up as much as you can give?"
"The best", Steve agreed. It wasn't always candy and roses but it was all worth it for those days when everything just clicked. "Speaking of passions, did you get that approval for your ideas for the show?"
"They said I could play guitar, but they vetoed my pyrotechnics idea."
That night, Mr. Munson walked him and Shawn back to their car. And as such, became a routine for two days out of the week. Through it all, Steve commended himself for only drooling a little over him and only when he was alone.
At home, one Saturday, Shawn was humming his class' song while Steve made them lunch. He looked to the calendar and realized the show would be that coming Monday. Well, he knew that but it hit him that in less than a week, Thanksgiving break would start and then there wouldn't be much of a reason for him to see Mr. Munson anymore.
Just as the thought came to him, he looked at the school events calendar he had put in his phone and saw that there would be a Winter Dance but that it was for 4th and 5th grade only. He held back a sigh. Oh well, maybe if he got particularly antsy, he could schedule a confere-no, nononono.
He wasn't going to waste a teacher's time over nothing. Just because, what? He wanted to see him?
He said as much when he talked to Robin the next day. They were sitting in his living room, Shawn was up in his room, reading on this lazy Sunday.
"So, you're just going to avoid him?"
"It's not avoiding. I'm just not going to go out of my way to seek him out", Steve clarified. "And maybe this little crush", he whispered the word 'crush' like tiny ears were listening, "will die down."
"Mhm", Robin nodded, unconvinced. "You know they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?"
Steve leaned back against the couch. "There's at least one absence I'm not missing."
"...Don't tell me this is all because of him?"
"It's not because of him but...", Steve's eyes traveled to where Shawn's baby book sat on a bookshelf. Inside were the only pictures of Shawn's sire. And honestly, Steve wouldn't even have those if it were up to him. But he wanted to leave the door open just for when Shawn got older and could decide how much he wanted that man in his life.
"I don't think Mr. Munson is anything like him. Of course I don't. But I can't make a mistake like that again. If Shawn got hurt, I could never forgive myself."
Robin gave him a pat on the leg. "If you really think it's for the best."
It was. Steve knew that what was on the surface could be hiding something ugly underneath. He wasn't going to expose him or his pup to anything like that again. Mr. Munson was nice but these feelings weren't deep enough to swim in. Steve was barely getting his toes wet. He would stay high and dry and then Shawn would go on to second grade and then he would only see Mr. Munson in passing, if that.
Steve had all these affirmations in mind as he settled in to see Shawn's performance Monday. Planning ahead, Steve had told his school a couple weeks ago that he had a doctor appointment and wouldn't be coming in until later. Just long enough to pop in and see Shawn sing. As he had planned and rehearsed, Mr. Munson sat on a stool to one side of the stage, acoustic guitar in his lap.
It was all the school would allow and seeing as the kids' singing voices weren't super strong, it was for the best. Steve recorded the act, phone focused on Shawn while every once in a while, his eyes drifted to Mr. Munson.
After the song, Steve waved to Shawn, who waved back. He had told him ahead of time that he'd have to go back to work after seeing him, so that his son wouldn't be disappointed. When they saw each other at home later, Shawn's adrenaline from the day hadn't waned.
"So a lot of the other kids' parents took them home, so Mr. Munson let some of us play with his guitar!"
"Did he now?", Steve smiled.
"Uh-huh. He even taught us how to play. Do you think he teaches guitar?"
"Would you like some lessons?", Steve asked.
"Only if Mr. Munson is teaching it. He makes everything so cool."
-------------------------
Steve watched as Shawn ran ahead to go into the corn maze. Most of the corn was gone, so he wasn't worried about him getting lost as Robin went to get them hot ciders. Shawn scurried through the maze when he found someone familiar.
Robin had come back with two ciders that she and Steve sipped on while Shawn made his way through the maze.
"Dad! Look who's here!"
Steve looked up, expecting to see one of his little friends. Not Mr. Munson.
Not Mr. Munson in ripped jeans and a leather jacket.
Not Mr. Munson in ripped jeans and a leather jacket with chunky rings and his hair let loose, spilling over his shoulders.
"Dad look! It's Mr. Munson! Dad?"
"Mr. Munson! What a surprise!", Robin came in for the save while Steve was speechless. She gave him a subtle nudge that really wasn't all that subtle but that was okay because Mr. Munson was having his own crisis.
Because here was Mr. Harrington, enjoying a harvest festival, shoulder to shoulder with a beautiful alpha woman.
"H-hey, didn't expect to run into you here", Mr. Munson stuttered.
"Me neither", Steve said, voice a little breathless. He cleared it and remembered himself. "This is Robin, she's my neighbor. Robin, this is Shawn's teacher."
"Heard so much about you", Robin grinned.
Steve wanted to kick her in the shin.
"Hey, Shawn, how's about we go and pick out a pumpkin or something?", Robin suggested, grabbing his hand and pulling him away from the other two, leaving them alone.
Mr. Munson looked like a deer caught in headlights and Steve couldn't blame him.
"Jesus, she couldn't be anymore obvious."
"Did you want to talk to me about something, Mr. Harrington?"
"No, I didn't. But, I think...I think we should have this conversation anyway." Steve ran a hand through his hair.
They went to a little sitting area the farm had set up near the food booths so that they could talk. Eddie's mind ran a mile a minute, thinking of what this could be about. Both good and bad. He'd gotten a hot chocolate both to keep his hands warm and to give him something to do with said hands. Hands that Mr. Harrington was staring at right now.
"I um", he shook his head and pushed a lock of hair behind his ear. "I just wanted to-god this is hard."
"Well, let's make it easier", Eddie said. "Is it about Shawn? Is he having problems in school?"
"No, it's not about that. It's about us-I mean, there is no us but I-goddammit", Steve hissed, cheeks getting red in embarrassment. He let out a breath. "Mr. Munson, I'm having..." don't say feelings don't say feelings don't say feelings "-sensations, that aren't entirely professional. About you."
"Oh."
"And I know nothing can come of it, but I just want you to know that, to know that I'm aware of them and if I ever come on, I guess too strong, please just let me know."
"Um, for how long?", Eddie asked, hoping he wasn't vibrating in his seat because it sure did feel that way.
"Uhh, pretty much since I first met you", Mr. Harrington admitted. "And I don't know if it's because you've been looking after me and Shawn when we walk back to the car, or if it's something else but you just smell...you feel safe. And it's hard for me not too....", he trailed off, voice getting soft.
He didn't know how much that meant to Eddie. His first year of teaching, Eddie had gone on scent blockers, not wanting to overwhelm the little noses in his room. But one day he'd forgotten and things just seemed to run more smoothly when they could get a whiff of him. For Mr. Harrington to say his scent made him feel safe...
"It hasn't exactly been easy for me either", Eddie finally said. "Me too, since that first day I... But you already said nothing can come from it."
There was a hesitant look in Mr. Harrington's eyes. "Well, you know, why not?"
"Why...not?", Eddie echoed.
"I have my personal reasons for not pursuing this, but they mostly involve Shawn. If he doesn't know about it, I mean if we can hide it from most people, you won't get in trouble with the school. And we won't, you know get Shawn's hopes up if it doesn't become serious."
"Why, Mr. Harrington, are you propositioning me?" Honestly, Eddie didn't give a flying fuck what this principal thought about his private life. At the end of the day, it really was just Shawn he was worried about. He didn't know what happened to the other half of his DNA, but he knew that kids with only one parent sometimes longed for a second. He couldn't make Shawn think that was him unless this was the real deal. And he wouldn't know that for sure if he didn't give this a try.
"For starters, when we're not on school grounds, you can call me Steve."
"Eddie."
"Eddie, would you like to go out with me sometime?"
Steve's face was a mix of hopeful and confident that Eddie wouldn't be forgetting anytime soon. "I'd love to."
Part 4
There is absolutely some angst with Steve's baby daddy comin down the line. I came up with it where I come up with all my best ideas, half asleep when I wake up in the morning.
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unseededtoast · 8 months
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See How It Shines | Spencer Reid x F!Reader
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Summary: You had left the Quantico office for what you thought was your dream job. However, you were quick to find out that you lost a lot more than you found. The love of your life walked away from you, but your love for him never waned. But you can't help but wonder if his soul yearns for you like yours does for him.
Cross-posted on Wattpad and AO3
Warnings: Angst, so much angst, pining. Poorly edited.
Word count: 8.2k
a/n: Howdy, this is the first time I've written for Spencer, and I can't guarantee that the quality is good. This is inspired by Hozier's song "Abstract". Here is my masterlist!
"So that's it then? You're just going to leave?" His voice cracks, and your heart shatters into a million pieces.
"Spencer." You whisper and reach out for his face to wipe the tears away, but he flinches from your touch. An overwhelming sensation of sorrow blossoms in you as you watch him shake his head and walk away.
A single tear drips from your face and lands on the floor. The love of your life walks away from you and you don't know if you'll ever see him again.
A steady stream of light rain surrounds you as you stare up at an all too familiar building, your nerves not allowing you to take another step closer just yet. Memories of the past float around in your mind as you contemplate turning around and finding some excuse of why you never showed up. But you know you can't just leave, you can't help yourself. With all the courage you can muster, you force yourself inside of the building, where the cold air hits your wet skin and leaves goosebumps all over.
Each step that you take towards the office, your heartbeat resounds in your ears and your stomach feels like it's been tied into numerous knots. This office used to be like your second home, but now it's like seeing a ghost, a place frozen in time, unchanged. You recall the first day you walked into this building, bright eyed and hopeful for the future which starkly contrasts the last time you left. That memory is tattooed in your mind, unable to forget despite giving it your best effort.
Your chest begins heaving with deep breaths as you find yourself just outside of the elevator and you have to find every last shred of strength within you to not get sick all over the floor. With a shaking hand, you press the button to call the elevator. You've been on this elevator ride more times than you can count, but that was back then, under different circumstances.
The doors close, leaving you alone in the elevator. In an attempt to soothe yourself, your clammy hands grasp the railing and you close your eyes, trying to calm your racing mind. Invasive thoughts crowd your head all at once, remembering who used to ride this elevator with you every morning and how you're going to have to face him once more after that last ride. Before you're ready, the doors open and you have no choice but to step out.
With each approaching step it feels like you're making your way through wet concrete, your feet feel like they're being tethered to the floor, not wanting to progress forward. Once you reach the office's door, it feels like every set of eyes is on you instantly. But perhaps that's just your paranoia.
Keeping your head held high in a faux display of confidence, you look around and see your old desk, still empty and unoccupied. And to your relief, his desk is unoccupied as well but you can tell there are files waiting for him. A clap on your shoulder breaks you from your mental downward spiral and you jump slightly from the contact.
"It's good to have you back, even if it is just for a few days." A familiar voice says from behind you, and you turn to see Derek Morgan with a wide smile on his face. A smile breaks out on your face as well and you embrace your old friend,
"It's good to be back." You say as he wraps his arms around your waist for a brief reunion. You step away from him and sigh, looking around for any other familiar faces, hoping to see all but one.
"He won't be here for another half hour." Morgan says as if he can read your mind. Without delving into that can of worms, you settle for nodding your head and changing the subject.
"Is Hotch here? He said he was going to give me the run down." You say, straightening your jacket to distract yourself from the intruding voice in your mind. Morgan nods his head and takes you to the briefing room, where you find two of your other ex-colleagues, both with smiles on their faces.
"It's good to see you guys." You force yourself to greet them first, taking note of the faltering smile on Emily's face. Knowing the reason for the fake smile, you turn to Hotch who extends his hand to you. Emily does nothing of the sort, and you can't blame her, you understand.
"Here's your file to look over. We'll be wheels up in an hour." Hotch hands you a brown file folder and you nod, opening the front of it to familiarize yourself with the case you'll be assisting them on. Out of the corner of your eye you notice Emily leaving the room, leaving you and Hotch alone.
You and Hotch had developed a close bond while you worked for the Quantico office and it seems that your departure did not interfere with his sentiments towards you. Closing the file, you meet his gaze and you can tell that there's a lot he wants to say, but you also know he won't go out of his way to gossip. Instead of making him suffer with the burden of professionalism, you break the ice first, trusting him more than the others to give you the truth.
"How bad is this going to be?" He knows your question isn't about the case, and he sighs.
"It'll be fine." His tone betrays the words coming out of his mouth, much to your dismay. He's trying to keep you on board with the idea, even if it means faking positivity.
"And you're sure I can't just stay here and help Garcia?" You try one last time to worm out of this assignment, knowing you didn't take it willingly. Hotch shakes his head,
"Sorry, no can do. Garcia is helping another unit and we need you there with us. You know it's easier to get immediate feedback." He strikes down your last attempt and you nod, knowing that he's completely right.
"Okay, see you on the jet." You defeatedly say and take your file folder with you out of the conference room. The uneasiness in your stomach only intensifies with each passing second, knowing that you're closer and closer to confronting your past.
Instead of staying out in the open office space, you find somewhere to hide for the next forty five minutes, like a coward. You find a quiet corner in the breakroom and sit at the table, spreading the contents of the folder out in front of you. Maybe if you fully immerse yourself in the case then this assignment won't be that bad, or at least that's what you're trying to convince yourself of.
The papers in front of you detail the unsub the team is going after. Being familiar with this unit, your brain automatically disregards the information that isn't pertinent to your job. You're not a behavioral profiler like the rest of them, and so the information about picking apart the unsub's actions isn't as important to your job. Instead, you focus on the details regarding the unsub's internet use and who has been targeted. In a way, you're profiling the unsub, you just do it differently than the rest of the team.
As an intelligence analyst, you're more concerned with known usernames, websites frequented, how the unsub uses social media, that sort of thing. You're more interested in establishing a pattern of online behavior that can give insight to an unsub's activity that might not be apparent from the crime scenes left behind. During your time at the Quantico office, this type of analysis has been helpful in over forty cases.
As you read on and mark specific details to help you, your mind reverts to what it knows best; the job. Your thoughts are no longer concerned with facing your past, and all you can think of is how to use the information provided to aid your search. Your dedication to the job is also what landed you in this predicament in the first place, but you try not to dig into what that might mean.
"Hey, there you are, we've been looking for you all over. Wheels up in five." Morgan says and you nod, quickly shoving the papers back into the file and clipping the pen over the front cover. You must've lost track of time, too engrossed in searching for the smallest of details.
Taking the familiar path to the unit's private jet is almost nostalgic, and you kind of miss being able to do this. The Cleveland office never deploys agents like Quantico does, but they offered the position of a lifetime, and you couldn't turn it down. But sometimes, most times, you wish you had. You found that you lost far more than you gained.
The rest of the team is on the jet by the time you and Morgan arrive, and you rush in, mumbling out an apology as you take a seat in the back, where you'll hopefully be left alone for the duration of the flight. As you take your seat and prepare for takeoff, you can feel everyone's eyes burning into you and your heart rate increases, knowing that the one person you'd wanted to avoid is definitely here. His presence is overwhelming and you haven't even looked at him yet. Your heartstrings tug with remorse and pain, remembering the last time you two were on the jet, when things were good.
Knowing you've already gathered all the information you can from the file, you open it again anyways and act like you're deep in thought. Though the profilers can probably see right through this, none of them say anything.
It's a demanding task to keep your eyes trained on the file for the majority of the flight, but after a while your neck starts aching from poor posture. You quietly place the file on your lap and stretch out your muscles, massaging the side to find some temporary relief. You notice that almost everyone has elected to take a nap until the plane lands, but unfortunately, one person opted to stay awake.
Your eyes meet his and it's like the entire world caves in.
His hazel eyes hold your own and you can't stop the racing images in your mind, they're all so vivid. You remember the first time you met him, how you two became so quickly entangled in one another without even noticing. Your feelings for him had encroached on you so subtly, that you didn't even realize how deeply and richly you loved him until you said goodbye.
You'll never be able to erase that moment from your mind. The day you told him you accepted the Intelligence Director job in Cleveland, and that you were transferring. Tears had been running down his cheeks, and you tried to console and comfort him, but there was nothing you could do, the damage had been done. And not a day has gone by that you didn't think of him.
Now that you're face to face with him again, it's like the poorly-repaired crack in your heart has been reopened. You want nothing more than to reach out and feel his soft skin under your fingertips one more time. Though you were the one who broke things off, you mourned the lost relationship with him. Things with him just fell into place, the two of you brought out the best in each other.
But now, looking into his eyes, you notice the spark behind them is gone and only a dull light remains. Your mouth falls open like you're going to say something, but he looks away before your mind can come up with anything to say. Not that he has to listen to anything you say, you understand if he wants nothing to do with you this entire trip.
Truthfully, you were surprised Morgan had welcomed you back so warmly. You knew that by leaving Quantico, and also the love of your life, that you had hurt the team. The team is so intimately woven together, that your departure had left a bad taste in their mouths. Of course some were more understanding, but there were also those who took it more personally. And you can't blame them, after all you broke the heart of the most caring, tender soul in the world.
Realizing you're staring at the side of his face, you tear your gaze away from him and your mind forces you to relive one of your most regrettable moments.
-----
"I took the job in Cleveland. I leave in two days." The words tumble out of your mouth as the elevator door dings and opens to the main lobby. You had tried to find the right time to tell him, but the clock was ticking and time was running out. The hand intertwined with yours drops as the two of you step out into the lobby.
"What?" He says with clear exasperation and disbelief. You had mentioned four months ago that you were interested in the job, and he had encouraged you to at least apply. But that was before you two had become so deeply involved in one another.
"They called me the other night and said they would love to have me as soon as possible. I applied months ago and I didn't think they'd actually consider me for the position." You try to explain to him that you didn't do this after you had grown close. He shakes his head, and you see wetness gather in his lash line.
"So that's it then? You're just going to leave?" His voice cracks, and your heart shatters into a million pieces.
"Spencer." You whisper and reach out for his face to wipe the tears away, but he flinches from your touch. An overwhelming sensation of sorrow blossoms in you as you watch him shake his head and walk away.
A single tear drips from your face and lands on the floor. The love of your life walks away from you and you don't know if you'll ever see him again.
-----
The plane lands and everyone grabs their belongings before filing out. You intentionally take a longer time to gather the few belongings you had brought along, and you're careful to make sure he's out of the plane before you leave.
You hang back from the team while they all get ready to head to the hotel to check in before going to the crime scene. They're all discussing their theories about the unsub and you listen in, but make no move to interject like you used to. Instead, you silently get into the SUV and keep your gaze focused on the moving landscape.
Once everyone is at the hotel and checked into their rooms, you let yourself drop the façade. The door behind you shuts and you slide down until you're sitting on the floor, the ache in your chest making it feel as if you can't catch your breath. You knew this was going to be hard, but you never thought it would feel this suffocating. It seems that while the world and the team had moved on, you remain stuck in the memory of what used to be. And you're not sure if you'll ever be able to truly move on. You're not sure if you want to move on.
A knock on your door forces you to stand back on your feet, and you hurriedly throw your things on the bed before returning and answering the door. Morgan stands on the other side, leaning against the doorframe. He smiles softly as he meets your eye and you're quick to put your front back up with a smile.
"Are we ready?" You ask and he nods. You follow him without another word, tucking the keycard into the pocket of your jacket.
"You know you don't have to act like an outsider, it's just us." He tries to soothe your obvious discomfort.
"It feels like I'm an outsider." You admit to him and he stops walking as he continues the conversation.
"None of us blame you for taking the job, it was good for your career. And whatever happened between you and Reid, it was two years ago." He says like the time makes things easier to handle, when in fact, the time just made your heart grow heavy with loss. You avert your eyes from him and nod, starting to walk back down the hall to avoid continuing this conversation.
Once you all had arrived to the scene, you hung around the back. You weren't really needed here, but the team likes to have you here so that you can be up to date with all the information they have. Once their assessment of the scene is complete, that's when you'll go back to the police station where you'll set up your work space for the remainder of the case.
The team and the local police discuss what's been found so far. There was a young male found deceased, gun in his hand with an apparent self-inflicted gunshot. However, there were a few details that suggested that this was not a suicide. The angle at which the bullet entered the victim's head was inconsistent with suicide, and the gun wasn't laying in the manner it should have given the bullet's trajectory. The victim's phone had gone missing in this area as well, but nobody's been able to recover it yet; maybe the unsub took it with them.
The behavioral analysts comb over the scene with intense precision, and you begin looking at things from a different perspective. Your mind begins constructing several theories about where the gun came from, what significance this place has, and where the victim's phone is. As your mind races, your hand scribbles messy notes so you don't lose your train of thought.
Feeling as if someone's looking at you, your gaze turns from your sloppy notes to look around. From the other side of the crime scene, those familiar hazel eyes look into your own, as if they can see into your soul. As soon as your eyes meet, he's turning away and back to the scene, where he points something out to Hotch and then goes on a tangent about the history of something.
You try your best to listen in, needing to hear his honeyed voice. In the two years you had been gone, your mind had failed you and forgot how sweet he sounds. From the distance between you, your ears only pick up bits and pieces and nothing quite makes sense because you miss so much information. But you were never listening for the content anyways.
You finish your evaluation quicker than the rest and so you take out your phone and try to do some preliminary searches. Within a minute you find the victim's social medias and begin combing through them in search of people regularly interacted with, patterns of life, and anything else that might stand out. With your notepad balanced unevenly on a tree trunk, you try to scribble down names to follow up on when a voice from behind you startles you from concentration.
"The rest of us are going to stay here for a while, but you and some others can head to the police station and get started." Hotch dismisses you from the scene and you nod, heading towards the car while still jotting down notes, not bothering to see who else is joining you.
Once your mind starts going on a case it's hard for it to stop, which is both a strength and a flaw. By the time you join the local law enforcement in their car, you're on a mental fast track. The notes you write are indecipherable to everyone but yourself but it all makes sense to you, and that's all that matters.
"So what all do you need?" The local police officer asks from the drivers seat. Your gaze shifts from the paper to the rearview mirror, where the older man is looking back at you with curiosity in his eyes.
"Not a lot. I'll need a computer, access to records, and some warrant forms to get started." Your answer is almost automated from having to answer it time and time again over the years. However, as you go to finish your notes, you notice someone in the passenger seat and your breath catches in your throat. How had you not noticed he was sitting less than two feet away?
The rest of your notes don't get finished. Instead, you're transfixed on the man in front of you. His familiar smell is almost enough to bring you to tears, he still smells like home. You remember spending nights in his apartment in the fall time, huddled under blankets that smelled like him. A comforting scent that let you know that you were safe, you were exactly where you were meant to be.
The police are quick to accommodate your needs and you thank them politely, but your mind is anywhere but where it should be. Instead of uncovering important intelligence for the case, your mind is preoccupied with the man in front of you. As the police set up a temporary workspace for you, Spencer stands right in front of you, but facing away, scanning over images from the crime scene. You know he's got the images committed to memory by now, he's just doing that to avoid you, and so you take the hint.
"Here you are ma'am." The officers show you to your workspace, and you fight back the urge to protest their use of "ma'am". It always made you feel old.
"It's Director, actually." Spencer corrects the officer, and your lips part slightly. Before you can say anything to him, he's already turned back around to study the photos.
"My apologies, here's your workstation, Director. Let me know if there's anything else I can do to assist." The officer then excuses himself. The tension between you and your former lover is thick, but you know that you're not likely to get him alone like this again, and so you force yourself to take advantage of the situation.
"Thank you." Your voice is soft and you bite the skin on your lower lip, a bad nervous habit he once told you. He places the photos on the desk and turns to face you.
"Of course." Is all he says before getting started on his duties. You should've known he was going to be here like this, it's how most cases with the team went. You worry that your preoccupation is going to hinder your investigation, but at the same time you're just thankful to see him again, even if he never says another word to you.
-----
Later in the day, the rest of the team joins you two in the police department to catch everyone up on the information uncovered. The behavioral analysts have deduced that the unsub might be a woman, and you make note of that. Truthfully, your preliminary searches have not been as fruitful as they typically are, and you know everyone notices.
"I'm going to keep going though. I know there's something out there." You say as you admit to them you don't have any solid leads yet, a first for you. You don't miss the pitiful smiles people throw your way, and you bite your tongue to make sure you don't say anything out of line.
The rest of the day you search tirelessly for leads and before you know it, it's dark outside and everyone is gone. Without prying eyes, your shoulders slouch and you cradle your head in your hands. Your eyes burn from staring at the screen, and your list of leads is still too small for your liking. There's still a lot of work to be done.
The frustration with yourself grows and you almost resent your superior for sending you back here. He said that you were requested by name, and that there was no reason for you not to come. Though you could give him a reason, you're sure he would've just told you to grow up. On your way here you convinced yourself that you could do this job quickly but now that you're here, it's apparent that your distraction is going to be an obstacle to overcome. When lives are on the line, it's dangerous to have an obstacle that impairs your work.
But once the quietness of the police station settles in your mind, you find the will to keep working. Maybe without him being here you can actually get some work done. So that's exactly what you do, you work through the night and are thankfully able to come up with some solid bits of information that you think will be beneficial for the behavioral analysts to know.
Information is meticulously placed in an easy to read briefing document, which you print out and staple for everyone, just like you used to. Perhaps if you conduct this just like your other jobs, you'll start to feel more at home and comfortable.
-----
A hand on your shoulder startles you awake, and your eyes blink wildly to try and acclimate yourself with the bright light that's now infiltrating the station windows.
"Did you stay here all night?" Hotch's voice causes your head to swivel to the front door of the station and you rub your eyes, realizing that you did in fact end up staying here all night. You try to downplay this and dodge his question, gathering the briefing documents you had put together and passing them out to the team.
"This is what I found out, there are still more leads to follow, but I think I'm onto some good things here. One person of interest stands out, and that's a girl he recently started interacting with. From what I can tell without getting into his profiles, they started interacting about a month ago, and it appears they were very in love with each other. But she's got some literal skeletons in her closet. Three years ago one of her boyfriends was found dead in an apparent suicide." You conclude your briefing with the most pertinent information. They can read through the rest themselves. You cover your mouth as you yawn, and stretch out the tense muscles in your neck. The agents read over everything and while they read, you turn the computer back on and prepare to do some more investigating.
"Take a break, you were here all night." Morgan speaks up this time, causing almost everyone's eyes to land on you. Every time you blink your eyes feel like they're being scrubbed with sandpaper, but you can't afford to take a break.
"I'll be fine." You offer him a smile, but it doesn't take a professional profiler to see right through it. Nobody says anything else, so you start going down more rabbit holes to uncover more leads about who the unsub might be.
As the agents go to interview people, it's just you and Spencer left at the station. He's taking care of the geographical profile for this case, like he usually does. The two of you work quietly, but you notice that you can't help but look over at him every few minutes with longing and fondness thick in your heart.
Today he's wearing a button up pushed to his elbows with a simple tie, and it shouldn't make you feel any sort of way, but it brings you back to your first day at the BAU. You remember in great detail seeing him for the first time, he was wearing something similar and you had convinced yourself that he despised you because he would never directly interact with you. After a while you had figured out that he was just unsure of how to approach you, he said that he felt flustered around you. But being paired together on cases helped break the ice, and without even realizing it, you had fallen head over heels in love with him. And you had never fallen out of love, not for one second.
Your eyes travel from his shirt to his hair, his chocolate curls still as soft as you remember them. Flashes of late weekend nights pop into your mind and you remember how he'd fall asleep with his head in your lap as you raked your fingers through his hair, lulling him to sleep. Then there were the mornings where his hair would be sticking up in random places from how restless he was the night before, and how you fought hard to tame the curls, but were never completely successful.
The coffee cup on the desk next to him catches your eye and you wish you had a strong cup right about now. When the two of you used to work together, you would take turns bringing the coffee. He always liked his with enough sugar to put anyone into a diabetic coma and he always perfectly made your latte every time. He had it down to a science. It's the simple things you miss the most about him, about your time shared with him.
No matter how much time or distance that was put between the two of you, you know that you have no choice but to love him. You love him still, with just as much passion as you did two years ago when you left, and you know there's not a single thing on this Earth that you wouldn't still do for him.
You're not sure if it's the exhaustion finally getting to you or what, but you find that you can't be in the same room as him any longer, suffocating from bittersweet memories. Abruptly, you stand from your seat and make your way to the station's bathroom, catching a glimpse of him as you pass and you feel the sob bubbling up in your throat.
As soon as the bathroom door is closed, the tears you had worked away from the plane, from the hotel, and from the crime scene come sliding down your face. Memories you thought were just painful are now harmful, evident by the deep ache that's taken residence in your chest. You tightly grip the sink in the bathroom and try to get a hold of yourself.
You make eye contact with yourself in the mirror and see dark circles under your bloodshot eyes. Tears gently fall from your lashes down your cheeks, but you make no move to wipe them away. As you stare down your reflection, you're forced to reckon with yourself, to confront what you've been running from for two years.
This is just the physical manifestation of how you've felt inside since you stepped off that elevator a couple years ago. Broken, in disrepair, suffering.
A knock on the door interrupts your meltdown and you clear your throat before wiping away the tears. Before you walk out you try your best to conceal that you've been crying, but you already know it's a lost cause. You're just thankful the rest of the team is out working the case so they can't be witness to just how pathetic you've become.
"Director, are you okay?" The officer from yesterday is waiting for you on the other side of the door. With a final breath, you open the door and plaster a smile on your face, seeing the look of concern he's giving you.
"I'm just fine, thank you." The crack in your voice contradicts your words and you keep your head down as you return to your desk and prepare to bury yourself in work for the remainder of the day. As you walk by, you can just barely see Spencer's head turn to watch you walk by, but you can't bring yourself to look back.
-----
Hours later, the agents are returning from their field work and you've prepared more information for them. You took a deep dive into the girl of interest, the one you highlighted in the briefing, and found that she has had several relationships in the past few months. All of which ended badly, according to social media posts.
"One post in particular claims that she showed up at a previous boyfriend's house with a gun because she was convinced he had another girl over. I've been able to establish a pattern of erratic behavior from her, backed up by a few restraining orders." You yawn as you finish explaining the newly found information. The lack of sleep is most definitely catching up to you but you know you're so close to finishing this case; why stop working now?
The mission-driven part of your brain makes you sit back down to find more evidence of the girl's psychotic behavior, but before you can resume a hand reaches over and shuts the computer off.
"No. You've done more than enough. Go to the hotel." Hotch orders you with a warning look that tells you not to fight him on this. If your eyes didn't feel like a desert, you might have argued back but the thought of fresh hotel sheets, a warm shower, and a moment of rest is too appealing. Perhaps you had overworked yourself. 
Relenting, you nod and gather your things while the rest of the team continues discussing the case. You're sure if there are any major developments that they'll contact you, so you don't worry about missing anything major. After all, the case seems like it's coming to a quick close. Which is odd, this case has been strangely easy and straightforward. Why would they call in an intelligence director for this? 
The question floats around your head as you catch a taxi back to the hotel. As you shower, you try to come up with anything that makes sense. There are tons of FBI intelligence analysts in Quantico, but your supervisor said that you had been requested by name. This case wasn't particularly daunting, so why didn't they give the assignment to a junior analyst? Why would they specifically ask for you? It just doesn't make sense, there's no logic to it; and you don't like things that aren't logical.
After your shower, you flop onto the crisp hotel sheets with a huff. Your mind is still reeling with the question of why as you drift off into a restless sleep. 
-----
"Would you like to come over and watch the movie? I rented it because I just finished the book. And I know the books are always better but I can't help it, I'm curious." You stop yourself from rambling too much, and look up at your coworker with butterflies in your tummy and stars in your eyes. His hazel eyes look back down at you, crinkling in the corners as he smiles. 
"You're probably right, the books are always better. But, um, yeah, sure I'd love to watch it with you." Faint redness brushes his cheeks as he stumbles over his words, which you've noticed he only does when he's nervous. It's endearing, you think. 
"Great, um, come over at 6?" You ask him, nervously biting at the skin on your bottom lip. 
"You know chewing on your lips like that is a bad habit, in severe cases it can lead to the development of fibromas. And yes, I'll be there at six. Is there anything I should bring?" As he finishes his sentence you immediately stop biting at the sensitive skin, making a mental promise to try and break the habit. With a shake of your head, you smile back at him, 
"Just bring yourself, that's more than enough." The blush on his cheeks grows redder and you turn on your heel, leaving the office for the evening, giddy with excitement of finally gaining the courage to ask Spencer to hang out after work. You had wanted to get to know him better outside of work, but you had never felt comfortable enough to do it until now.
Later that night, he knocks on your door at six sharp. You practically trip over your own feet as you go to the door, in a frenzy to make sure your clothes are straightened out and your hair is in place. Before you greet him, you take a second to gain your composure. 
Spencer is standing on the other side, with a bag of M&Ms in his hand. A sheepish smile adorns his perfectly structured face and you let him in.
"I know you said not to bring anything, but I know these are your favorite." He hands the bag to you and you thank him. A man had never taken enough interest in you to get to know what you like and don't like. But Spencer is different, and you knew that from the moment you met. 
"Thank you." A wave of confidence comes over you, and you lean up and place a soft kiss on his cheek. 
----- 
You awake with a  heavy, raw feeling in your stomach and you reach for your phone to check the time. It's eleven at night, and nobody from the team had tried to reach you since you left the station earlier in the morning. Setting the phone beside you, you get out of the bed and decide to talk a walk. There's no chance that you're getting back to sleep after that dream. The dreams about Spencer had stopped about a year ago, and it made life manageable; but now that they're back, and he's right here, just out of reach, it's like you forgot how to function. 
Tucking the keycard into your pocket, you step out of the room and quietly shut the door. You're not sure where you're even headed, but anywhere but inside that small room is good enough. As you make your way into the elevator, you rub the grogginess from your eyes. They're still sensitive from the improper rest and tears, but it's the least painful thing you're dealing with.
The elevator doors open at the lobby and you can hear that the hotel's bar is alive with energy. What better way to drown your sorrows? Your feet carry you to the bar and you take a seat at the end, ordering something strong from the bartender. With an unsteady hand, you swirl the liquid around in the glass as someone takes a seat next to you. 
"Didn't think I'd see you here." Derek's voice is smooth as usual. Looking up from your coping mechanism, you give him the best smile you can produce. His eyes dart from your face to your hand and he frowns. 
"Any developments?" You change the topic of conversation immediately, taking a large swig. He nods his head, 
"We got her. The information you found was enough to secure the warrant." He says and for the first time working this case, you feel happy. Catching an unsub before they can hurt anyone else always brought you great satisfaction. 
"Good. That's great, glad I could help." You say and finish off your drink, gesturing to the bartender for another. 
"The rest of us are over there, come join us. It'll be like old times." He leans up against the bar with a bottle in his hand. The bartender hands you another and you consider it. 
"We both know it won't be like old times." Your voice trails off and you stare back into your glass, wanting to look anywhere but at Derek. His plants his hand on your arm, strong enough to pull your attention back to him and behind him you can see the rest of the team taking their seats. You spot Spencer taking a seat next to Emily, remembering how it used to be you that he sat by. 
"Stop making excuses. After this who know when we'll see you again? Come on, we've all missed you." Derek has always had a way of getting to your soft spot, and it's almost impossible to say no. Your teeth find their way to the damaged skin on your lip and you look between him and the crowd of your former team, celebrating the arrest.
"Fine. But only if you answer something for me." You make a deal and take another drink. 
"Sure." He agrees. 
"Who requested me to be assigned to this case?" The question still hadn't left your mind. Derek's expression is unreadable, and he looks over to his colleagues.
"It was Hotch." It's not the answer you were hoping for, but you nod. Deep down you know you wished it was Spencer who had recommended you.
"Why? There are so many good analysts in Quantico." You take another drink, waiting for his reasoning. 
"There are good analysts, but none of them are you. Look, Hotch misses you a lot. We haven't been able to fill your position since you left, because none of them can live up to you. The team hasn't been the same without you." His words sting, and you feel even more remorse about your decision. You should've never taken the job. Your shoulder sag in defeat. 
"I wish I never left." You confide in him, trusting him enough to open up. He puts a comforting hand on your shoulder and gives a reassuring squeeze. 
"Well, you didn't hear it from me, but I think Hotch wants to talk to you before you go back to Cleveland." His words ignite a spark of hope inside you. For the first time since you started the case, you perk up. 
"Are you serious?" You can barely believe his words. After everything that happened, you were sure they'd never want you back permanently. You were keenly aware of how protective everyone was over Spencer, and when you broke his heart, you were sure that was the last straw. But maybe things can be salvaged, just maybe.
"Okay I gave you an answer, now come on." He drops the conversation and smiles, leading you over to the table, trying your absolute best to appear happy and not like every single emotion is running through your mind all at once.
"There she is! Our wonder girl!" Hotch's voice greets you as he pulls you in for a hug. You can't help but to smile, his embrace and nickname feeling familiar and comforting. Hotch had taken you under his wing from day one, and you're forever grateful for him.
"Is there an empty seat?" You ask and he nods, gesturing towards the one on the other side of Spencer. The smile on your face falters, but you don't want to make things weird for the whole team, so instead of making a deal out of it you decide to suffer in silence and take the seat.
Maybe a little part of you will enjoy being so close to him. Maybe you can find just a shred of comfort from his proximity. You don't miss the way his shoulders tense as you jump up into the tall stool and you take another drink quickly. The team goes on and on about the case and how the girl was insisting she was innocent while you spin your glass around on the table, mulling over Derek's words.
"This round's on me." Spencer's voice breaks you out of your trance and you look over at him, seeing his wallet opening. Your heart drops to your stomach when you see a polaroid still tucked inside the opening meant for a driver's license. You suck in a sharp breath as if it had just slapped you across the face.
You had almost forgotten about the photo, a moment frozen in time. The two of you smile widely, squinting from the flash. Your arms wrapped around his neck and one of his arms circling your waist as he took the picture. It was the first, and only, Christmas you had spent with each other, neither of you having families to spend the holiday with. The two of you had made it a point to make the other feel special. You had gotten him a new series of books he had mentioned and he got you a pair of rose quartz earrings. It didn't take you long to realize why he had chosen rose quartz.
Hearing your breath, he looks over and sees your eyes trained on the photo. You tear your eyes from the photo up to him, your heartbeat echoing in your ears. How can he be so close, yet so far? Your lips fall open as your brain tries to find the right words, but you come up short. While the others go to get another round of drinks, the two are you are stuck staring at each other, transfixed. 
"Spencer." You finally breathe out, eyes scanning his face for any indication of how he's feeling. Butterflies erupt in your tummy. His eyes look deep into yours and you wonder if he can see it, the way your eyes shine with only the deepest love for him. You feel tears well in your lash line, and you don't even care, all you want to do is reach out for him, to feel his arms around you, to have him back.
In that moment, you know you would get down on your knees in the hotel bar and publicly beg for his forgiveness if that's what it took to have him back. To lament about how you wish you had never left him. Confess how every single day you've longed for his touch, his love, and how you know you're undeserving of him. That no matter how many minutes have passed, your heart belongs to him and only him until the end of time.
"Why don't we take a walk?" He finally answers and you nod your head immediately. You jump down from the stool and follow behind him outside the hotel where a light drizzle of rain had started. 
He walks a few paces ahead of you, hands tucked into the pockets of his pants until he reaches a lone light post that's illuminating the raindrops. He turns to face you, the golden light reflecting off his smooth skin and you can see how his eyes dance over your face. It feels like hours pass before he says anything. 
"How's Cleveland treating you?" It's not at all what you're expecting and it takes you a few moments to process the question. 
"Cleveland is...well, truthfully, I hate it there." You decide to completely come clean to him. The raindrops begin clinging to the ends of his hair, magnifying the rich warm hues. 
"Sounds like you're doing some pretty good things up there. Hotch has been keeping us updated." He says, kicking around loose pebbles on the sidewalk as he speaks. The tension is reminiscent of your first few interactions with him, and you kick yourself for ever letting him go. 
"I'm just doing my job. But I hear Quantico needs a lead analyst." I bring up the topic, just to see his reaction. If he gives any indication that he doesn't want me to come back, I'll turn Hotch down without a second thought. Spencer lifts his gaze back up to you and nods. 
"We've been looking for one for a while." A gust of wind makes you shiver from the wetness of your skin.
"Derek told me Hotch is going to ask me to come back." You blurt out, not wanting to beat around the bush any longer. 
"They told me." He answers, looking away from you once more. You lick your lips and ask the question that will determine your decision.
"Do you want me back?" The question is loaded, and he knows that too. He stops kicking around the pebbles and just stares down at the sidewalk. When he lifts his head, your wide eyes meet his.
"Do you want to come back?" He answers your question with another. 
"More than anything. I've wanted to come back since the first day I left." You confess to him, taking a step forward. Before he can say anything else, you force yourself to say everything you've been feeling over the past few days, knowing that if you don't do it now that you might regret never saying it.
"I should have never left. That job was never worth giving up what we had. I was stupid, I was a damn fool for letting you go. You're all I've thought about every single day, my heart and soul are fractured without you. But I don't expect you to forgive me, I'm not worthy of your forgiveness. And if you don't want me back I'll tell Hotch that I can't take the position." The rain had picked up as you poured your heart out to the man you love.
You watch as he takes his hands out of his pockets and takes a step towards you. 
"I've hoped that you would come back every day. I waited for you to walk through the office doors day after day. And I'm sorry for just walking away, I didn't know what to do, the thought of you not being here anymore was too much. I shouldn't have just walked away." You hear his voice start to tremble, and you can't help but to close the distance between the two of you.
You wrap your arms around his neck and his arms wrap around your waist, holding you tight against his body. Tears fall from your eyes onto his shirt, and after what feels like an eternity, he pushes you back slightly, tipping your chin up so that you're forced to look into his eyes. His lips are parted, and he leans in and presses a sweet, tender kiss to yours. 
Your hands grasp the sides of his face, as if he would suddenly disappear if you let go. He clutches you with just as much passion, the two of you pressed together as you express everything you have felt over the last two years without one another. The pain, the longing, the love. Spencer breaks the kiss and leans his forehead against yours. 
In the soft amber glow of the streetlamp you can see it clearly, just how your love shines for one another.
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simplyholl · 8 months
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Bad Idea, Right?
Summary: Your ex boyfriend, Loki hits you up one late night to hook up. It’s a bad idea, right?
Based on the song “Bad Idea Right?” By Olivia Rodrigo
Pairing: Loki x F. Reader
Warnings: Smut. Minors DNI. 18 + ONLY. Mentions of marijuana use.
W/C: 1.1K
See my Masterlist Here
“Tell me you’re not texting Loki right now.” Your best friend, Hannah rolls her eyes at you. “I just see him as a friend.” You inform her. It’s the biggest lie you could’ve told.
Loki was your most recent ex boyfriend. He was a cocky, narcissistic asshole. But that didn’t stop your heart from being shattered into a million tiny pieces when he broke up with you.
You spent countless hours crying to Hannah about him. You had only dated for a few months. But there was something about him that you were drawn to, that felt right.
The worst part was that he had someone to replace you the very next day. You found out when you ran into them at your favorite restaurant. You were angry with yourself because you introduced Loki to it in the first place.
Hannah took you out to cheer you up. To your surprise, Loki was there with a woman who looked like she belonged on the cover of Playboy. As soon as you saw them, you had to swallow the lump in your throat and fight back the tears threatening to fall. Hannah sent you to the car while she called the server over to bring your check.
Months had passed. You’ve spent more time apart than you did with him. You were mostly over him. You had hooked up with other guys since then. They all paled in comparison to Loki though. You knew if given the chance, you would go back to him.
Here it was late on a Saturday night. Loki was texting you out of the blue. Maybe it was the joint you smoked, but you thought he was flirting with you. You ignored his text, leaving him on read. Your phone starts vibrating in your lap, the stupid picture you had set for his contact of the two of you illuminating the screen.
You knew you should have blocked him. You excuse yourself, locking yourself in the bathroom to answer his call. “Loki, why are you calling me?” “It’s nice to hear from you too, darling.” You can practically hear the smirk he was wearing over the phone.
You shouldn’t have answered. He could talk you into anything. It wasn’t your fault. He was so charming. At least that’s what you tell yourself when you lie to Hannah, telling her you’re going home to sleep. You get in the car waiting for him to send you his new address.
When you arrive at the apartment building, you text him letting him know you’re there. He tells you to meet him on the second floor. Smug asshole, couldn’t even meet you outside. You walk down the long hallway when you finally see him.
He’s standing in his doorway smiling at you with a cocky grin that lets you know that he knew you would come. When his blue eyes meet yours, you know it was inevitable. He would pull you right back in. You’re not sure you’ve ever seen a more attractive man in your whole existence.
He moves aside to let you in. He says something as you enter, but you don’t hear it. It’s like you can’t hear your thoughts when you’re with him. As soon as his door clicks shut, he corners you like he’s a predator who has just captured his prey.
He places his arms beside your head. Long, dark curls hang loosely down his back leaving little water droplets behind. He must have just showered. “I’ve missed this.” He says before crashing his lips into yours. His tongue runs along your bottom lip begging for entrance, but you break the kiss. “Seeing you tonight was a bad idea in the first place, so spare me. You don’t need to lie about how you missed me. We both know why I’m here.”
Your phone hadn’t stopped buzzing in your pocket since you left Hannah’s. She knew you were lying to her. She probably knew where you were too. She was more than likely calling to talk you out of it. You curse Loki and his devil dick for making you lie to your best friend.
Your clothes had been discarded in a trail leading to Loki’s bed. He sheds his shirt, laying back against the mattress. You climb on top of him. His lips press against yours once more. You run your hands through his hair, pressing your bare chest to his. You missed this, him. You moan into his mouth. You pull him closer, needing friction. You rub yourself against his leg. Your arousal leaks down your thighs and gathers in a wet spot on his pants. Loki’s lips detach from yours.
“Sit on my face.” He commands you. He doesn’t have to repeat himself. You place your thighs against his smooth cheeks, hovering. His fingers dig into your hips, pulling you down firmly against him. His tongue sweeps across your folds. You hear a stifled moan as he laps up your arousal.
His hands grasp you tighter. He taps your thigh to get your attention. You lift yourself off him momentarily as he warns you, “Hold onto the headboard.” You do as you’re told. Loki plunges his tongue inside you while his nose works your clit. You grip the headboard until your hands start to cramp. His firm, velvet tongue envelops you, licking messily down your center. Your legs start to shake as the heat in your stomach rises.
He draws the most sensitive part of you between his lips. His moans vibrate against you. You chase your high, wantonly riding his face. You buck your hips faster as he tastes you. With each swipe of his tongue, the headboard hits the wall a little harder. He curls the talented muscle against your clit as he suckles it. The pressure is so delicious, it sends you over the edge.
You cry out his name when his neighbor beats on the wall. “Knock it off, Laufeyson! We already talked about you keeping your company quiet!” You lay down beside him, raising your eyebrow in question. His lips curl up into a smile, “He’s incredibly jealous.”
Loki gets off the bed, beckoning you with his finger to follow. He lifts you, placing your back against the wall. He doesn’t take his pants off. He pushes them down a little freeing himself. His hard cock plunged inside you suddenly, causing you to gasp. You wrap your legs tightly around his waist.
Loki’s hands rest on the firm skin of your cheeks. With each thrust, he makes sure to knock your body against the wall. “Tell me, pet. Have I ruined all other men for you? Do you think of me when you’re in their bed?” His large hand comes between you, rubbing circles on your clit. You claw at his back, placing your head on his shoulder. “No one compares to you, Loki.” You answer honestly.
When he strokes your sweet spot, you bite down on the porcelain skin on his neck. He brings you down on his cock faster, hitting the wall harder each time. His neighbor starts shouting and banging on the other side. “Let’s give him something to complain about.” Loki whispers in your ear. His agile finger works swiftly between your joined bodies. He hits impossibly deeper, driving his hips against yours.
Loki’s thrusts slow down as you reach your peak together. You cry out, shouting Loki’s name. You don’t do it to piss off the neighbor. You can’t help it. When you finish, you hear ��Finally!” from the other side. Loki places your feet back on the ground. You follow the trail you left your clothes in, putting them back on as you come across them.
You take your phone out of your pants checking the time. You have eight missed calls and thirteen texts from Hannah. You quickly text her back letting her know you were safe. Loki walks toward his bathroom, pushing his hair behind his ears. “See you next weekend?” He asks. You just nod as you walk out the door.
Tags
@fictive-sl0th @lokisgoodgirl @lokidbadguy @ozymdias @cindylynn @potter-puff007 @cakesandtom @eleniblue @marygoddessofmischief @coldnique @mochie85 @goblingirlsarah @lokisninerealms @wheredafandomat @peaches1958 @freegardenbanananeck @chantsdemarins @lokidokieokie @anukulee @multifandom-worlds @alexakeyloveloki @ladymischief11 @kats72 @mischief2sarawr @lokischambermaid @muddyorbsblr
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pcheyes · 5 days
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i thought you loved me?
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☆pairing: 희승 x reader
☆word count: 384
☆warnings: angst, reader throws stuff at heeseung?
☆genre: angst, lovers to strangers
☆song suggestion: you were beautiful-day6
☆summary: heeseung came over for what you thought was a date, but you were so wrong
please, please cant we make this work?
you begged him, pulling on his hand, bringing your hand up to graze his face.
but he pushes your hand away, looking at you
like he had shut off.
from you, from everything.
he looks at you and repeats the cold break up letter his company made him say.
we aren’t working. we never did, and this relationship benefited neither of us. i need to focus on my career and not on this little relationship.
your heart broke, right then and there into a million pieces. you dropped to the floor and started sobbing.
did everything we did together mean nothing? the nights i snuck into your dorm as we giggled and talked about nothing, but yet everything. you tug at his pants edge
please no, no you still love me, right? you start chuckling as you stand up.
yeah, your company, your company made you say this right? right? 
he never responds, his face as cold as it was when he walked into your apartment.
you stop talking and stand there
you and him
suddenly you feel a wave of anger. how could he? you knew he loved you, he adored you. he would never do this to you. 
how could you? i thought we had something! you couldn’t even have the backbone to say no to your stupid company. i hate you! i hate you i hate you i hate you! 
you start screaming at him as you start to throw things at him. pillows, blankets, anything you could get your hands on.
but he stood there. taking every hit, not saying a single word
you grabbed the plushie he won for you on your first date, and just as you were about to throw it in his face your adrenaline died out.
you just stood there until you muttered the three words that broke his heart.
get out now
you drop the plushie, the one that he won for you, not daring to pick it back up.
he stands there for a bit, and then bows to you.
and he walks out. 
you drop to the floor, sobbing as you hold his plushie to your chest.
as soon as he walks out, he starts sobbing.
you didn’t want this, and neither did he.
never in a billion years
authors note: my first angst piece !! life was unfortunately not life-ing when i wrote this :(
taglist, msg or comment to added: @unikivrse
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look-at-the-soul · 1 year
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Save yourself- Tommy Shelby x reader
So ages agooooo @runnning-outof-time posted a Kaleo song that I kept listening to over and over again, then @shelbydelrey made a cheating theme celebration 🎉 and I had been working since forever in both ideas but something was missing… until I decided to mix it and this came as the result.
K, I hope you like the result of using this particular song (Idk what idea you had in mind for it), but it gave me these vibes.💖
Isa, I couldn’t decide how to approach this particular theme, but Tommy cheating seemed to come to life by itself… and I hope it’s not too late to celebrate you 💕
⚠️ Cheating, angst
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Y/N removed the hat as she walked into the House of Watery Lane, feeling so much better than the previous night, she had to leave the Grand re-opening of The Garrison early after feeling unwell, but after some tea and crackers, the only food her stomach seemed to accept. Polly offered her house because it was closer and she didn’t want to disturb anyone or ruin the fun for them, Ada was finally visiting them, Arthur was the happiest she had seen him in a long time, proud of the new and flashy decoration, and Tommy… well he just was enjoying himself to take him back home just because she was tired and nauseous.
Opening the door, she found a scene she never wanted to see; Tommy, her Tommy in bed with not one, but two women.
It weighs heavier on one's heart
I could tell right from the start that sweet ones are hard to come across
Her heart stopped beating for an instant, while the realization was sinking in… there was an indescribable ache, so hard to breathe… imagining his arms around them, giving those women the same pleasure he gave her endless nights.
He was just as shocked as she was, and quickly he tried to get up, untangling himself from them, shit, what did he do? Y/N didn’t deserved that. As she felt her stomach up in her throat, she couldn’t watch them anymore.
Snapping fast from her trance, she found herself turning around, strangely calmed, a realization hitting her like a bullet, heartbeat now drumming against her ribs, her fingers felt numb, clumsy, as if she had a big cloud inside her head.
She wasn’t going to make a huge drama out of it, she wouldn’t ask for explanations, she didn’t feel like listening to lame excuses to justify his actions. No, she walked out of there in silence, with her heart shattered into million pieces, yes, but she would get over it, just like she had been all of her life.
Tommy rushed to get dressed, shouting for her to wait, he would ask for forgiveness, beg on his knees, tell her it was just a mistake. Fumbling with his pants, he picked up his peaky cap from the floor, breaking an empty bottle of whiskey as he stumbled. Trying hard to tuck in his shirt inside of his pants, but she was gone already. She was the best thing of his fucking life and he ruined.
Heart like yours is rare to find
Someone else's gain will be my loss
Revenge could come in different forms, she could’ve steal all the money from the safe in their room or the one in his office, fuck him over, force him to buy her expensive presents to make it up for it all, she could fuck anyone right there in front of him just to give him back what he did. Anyone would suggest make him pay, make him beg and watch him suffer…
But she wasn’t going to make an scandal. No, her reaction was much lethal than that.
She would leave in silence, without tears, without shouting, no pointing fingers.
He turned out to be just like his father, she knew that would kill him, the comparison.
Choose your words before you speak
Can you see that all you've got is time?
Tommy rushed down the street cursing at himself, feeling the worse headache forming and found her in their bedroom, a single travel bag over the bed, she was calmly folding her clothes.
Just as she packed their bags to go to their country house.
“Y/N please.” Tommy pleaded desperate.
His words meant nothing now, all of those empty promises, the dreams they had together… gone.
Seeing her like that was worse than hear her shouting, breaking things, yelling at him. That would’ve been the expected reaction after what she saw. But she wasn’t even crying or hitting him, he deserved that.
He’d have preferred that, a million slaps than this.
She took a moment to check her belongings and walked towards the dresser to retrieve her passport and important papers. She arrived to this house with just a few things and she would leave just about the same.
“Y/N… nothing I could say could repair what I did, but I swear it meant nothing, it was a mistake, I was so drunk…” she wasn’t even listening to him anymore, it was just a buzz in the back of her mind. “I lost control…” he drank a lot, mixed it with an obscene amount of snow, didn’t even realize…fuck.
Walking into the nursery, she went directly to the first drawer and carefully, took a blanket that Polly knitted for the baby, the nappies and the rabbit that Ada bought for their unborn child. Yeah, she really didn’t need all those expensive gifts he gave her.
“I’ll go somewhere else, you can stay here I won’t bother you,” Tommy kept babbling while she walked past him, back into the bedroom they once shared.
Still in complete silence.
He knew Y/N better than the palm of his hand, he knew he should stay away right now, but he needed her to stop packing, this silent treatment only added more worry and stress to his already altered heart.
And that was the only time she dared to look at him in the eyes, making him wish she never did. Shoving away his hand from her body as he tried to reach her.
Tommy deserved a slap, deserved to have his balls cut, but she wasn’t going to lose time in that.
He started to see white dots when Y/N closed the bag, it wasn’t completely full yet and she seemed to be done.
And not just with the bag, but with him as well.
Tommy rubbed his hands all over his face, lost for words, feeling his entire world coming to an imminent end. It didn’t matter that he was stronger than her, in that very moment he felt so small, so useless, knowing that nothing he did, would make her change her mind.
But he tried, he tried to grab the bag from her hands as she stood at the top of the stairs, still begging for forgiveness.
“Fine, I don’t need that either.” She wasn’t even going to try to fight him over the bag, especially not close to the stairs, she just wanted to leave.
She knew she deserved better, not because she was someone important, but because she knew her value and she wanted respect, simple as that. Birmingham could be his territory, but he wasn’t her owner.
“No no, Y/N, listen to me please…” he rushed down, to stop her from opening the door.
But she was determined to leave, with or without the bag, of course that wasn’t going to stop her.
Before she met him, she had several wooers, with better intentions than him, but he was determined to make her fall for him, and that was the greatest mistake of her life.
Oh darling, save yourself for someone else
“We’ve a story together, Y/N, please…”
Save yourself
Oh, won't you save yourself?
“You can’t take away my child!” He snapped breathlessly, panicking because he was running out of time, of reasons to make her stay.
Are you going to break?
The look Y/N gave him, could’ve easily turned him into stone, a sarcastic smile playing in her lips.
“Now it’s a good time to remember you have a baby on the way, should’ve think of that last night, don’t you think?”
Y/N ripped the bag from his hand.
It would be just her baby and herself, away from this life, away from the risks, away from his lies.
She was unsure of a lot of things, but there was one around her mind in that very moment, sometimes you need to save yourself.
The worst part of it, was that Tommy knew deep down, that Y/N would be better off without him.
***
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callsigns-haze · 3 months
Text
Getaway Car
Pairing: Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Y/n 'Haze' Mitchell
Summary: He doesn't love you so you leave.
Based of the song: Lavender Haze by Taylor Swift
Warnings: cursing, mentions of abortion, break-ups, angst
Part 1 / Part 2/ Part 3/ Part 4/ Part 5/ Part 6/ Part 7
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The air is cold as it hits your face. The wind was violent, hard to get through as you walked in its direction. You keep walking but have no clue where you're even going. You have no proper destination in mind but you're not going back to that apartment.
You want the cold air to clean your mind, as a sort of refreshment. A shaky breath leaves your lips as you try and turn your mind to something different.
It's proved unsuccessful as your phone starts ringing frantically in your pocket. You never know why this happens, the anxiety that hits. It always stops you in your tracks, leaving you in a sort of paralyzation. It hits you like a wave that brings you under, there's no escape and no exit, just pausing.
You know that Jake is calling you, it could only be him, but you did not want to answer. You take out your phone to see a picture of a smiling Jake on the screen in his plane. You don't want to decline it, that's not your plan at all because he'd know you've seen it. You just let it ring off.
It sends him right to voice mail, where he leaves you a heart crushing message. All about how he's the problem and that he doesn't want you wondering so late asking where you were or at least if you're safe, proposing to pick you up. His voice started to break towards the end and even if you felt so much hatred towards him right now, he couldn't be alone, not in that state.
"Come on, Haze, answer me please!" Jake exclaims at this point, desperately. He didn't want it to end like this, he didn't want you to walk away again. He wanted you to be there with him and give him another chance; a chance where he could talk it out with you. He called nine more times, each lead to being unanswered.
Tears started to well up in his eyes, feelings that he could never be able to explain. Even though you did have an abortion of his child and not tell him, he had no right to act in such a way, not in a way that would scare you off to leave again. He couldn't do this alone, he needed to talk with someone and clearly it wouldn't be you. He had to call somebody else, somebody who would listen.
As Jake reached into his back pocket, his phone rang frantically and Jake hoped it was you, he dreamed of it at this point, but to his disappointment it wasn't. Javy. Perfect timing Man. Right as Jake was gonna call him.
Coyote: 'Hey Man, how ya hold-'
Jake simply cut him off, in milliseconds. He didn't want to interrupt him but he also didn't want to hear Coyote finish his sentence. He had to spit out the information on him.
Jake: 'She had an abortion. My child and she didn't tell me. That's why she left back then. For fucks sakes. I let her fucking go again.'
You see, Javy calling wasn't such a coincidence. Haze asked him to check up on Jake, simply mentioning that the two got into a small, heated argument but this was big time news and it hit Javy like a truck.
Coyote: 'Holy shit man, that's difficult shit, god I don't even know how to put this into words… I'm guessing you didn't take it well.'
Jake: 'I overreacted but she got scared. She was scared of me Javy.'
At that he broke. Shattered like a vase into millions of pieces. Each leaving their own, piercing, sound as it hits. The sons left his mouth as Javy was already in his car to go to him.
Jake cared that you had an abortion, he believed the two of you could work it out. It was possible that you two would manage but now what he cared more for is that you were out in the middle of the night, scared of him, scared of his reactions.
Coyote: 'Jake, I'm nearly there.'
Jake: 'Javy, she was fucking scared of me. She looked like she was in fear of me hurting her. She thought I would hurt her… I didn't want to scare her off.'
-------
The wind was getting more string, more violent with each blow. You wrapped your light jacket around your body tightly. Hugging it into your chest as you stepped on the familiar front porch.
You shook a tiny bit before looking at the light coming through the small window on the side of the door. One knock. You gave one knock agaytge wooden frame and you heard someone rush to the door and once it opened, the man seeing your state was ready to kill anyone who hurt you.
"Princess?" Maverick was confused to see his own daughter so late at his porch, especially with mascara stained cheeks from crying and puffy eyes.
With one word you break his heart. One word which leaves your lips in a shake that could destroy a whole city with it's innocence. Maverick didn't know why you were here, but when you said the word, he easily started adding up the facts.
"Daddy."
Once you say it his arms wrap around you and you start breaking into sobs, hit sticky tears stream from upon your eyes, explain their own stories against your father's chest as he knows somebody hurt you so he had to hurt someone.
------
It's been a week since everything happened and Javy and the rest knew that they had to get Jake up and out of the house. He was miserable, he had a right to be. You haven't answered any of his calls or texts and he even tried emails to get in contact with you.
And you weren't at work either. He looked for you in your office, plan and operations tower, yet you were nowhere to be found. He knew if you saw him you'd still be mad at him but for now your father showed that emotion. He put Jake through hell. Every little mistake Jake made had a big consequences upon him now. One wrong move and your father gave him hell on earth.
Every push-up he has done in the past few days represents how big off a jerk. And at this point even Cyclone and Warlock knew which didn't make life merrier for him.
"Jake, what the hell man, put your game together!" Fitz calls out after their group just lost due to Jake's inability to keep focus and wandered directly onto Mavericks radar.
The two of them walk back into the room with the rest of the daggers where he couldn't even look at them. Everyone knew what was going on and what happened between you and him and gave him those stupid sympathetic looks that he never wished for. He looked down on the floor until Fitz commented, "If this is about that chick of yours mate then deal with it. Her ass was too fine to stay with a guy like you. She'd much rather have some of thi-"
Fitz didn't get to finish that sentence as Jake aggressively lunged himself at him. Thank the lord he was quickly grabbed by Rooster and Coyote or this would really turn into a shit show. Though Jake didn't put this down easily, pulling against the hold of Bradley and Javy, grunting with each move until he calmed down and they let go of him.
"Speak of her like that ever fucking again and nobody will be quick enough to catch me from wiping that pathetic smile of your face."
------
You've been staying with your dad for the last week, the room was yours since the start but none of your things were there. In your car you always had a spare flight suit which prevented the need of you having to go back to the apartment urgently. After all it has been a week and there are several other things you needed and from the work schedules you held you knew Jake wouldn't be there so perfect time to move back out.
You drive you car through the twisted estate as you turn left into a underground garage parking. The button on the left of the steering wheel is to open the mechanic doors for you to drive in and does so. You park in your usual spot and reach for the bin bags in the passenger seat. You weren't packing for a sort of vacation, you were packing essentials and getting out; the rest Bradley and Bob should bring you in around two weeks but you could wait it was no rush.
You sigh, hitting your head of the steering wheel. If you had just bloody told him it would have never lead to this. But now it's to late, most hope is gone and you just had to get in and out.
You step out the car and slam the white door shut. You run to the elevator, which thankfully opens immediately and you hit the button to the third floor.
You swiftly dug through the shared wardrobe, picking out the essentials and stuffing them into the bag.
When you enter the apartment it was a mess, clothes everywhere, blinds closed, groceries unpacked, laundry undone, wrappers all around the TV chair. It looked like a depressive hole. And it was all because of you.
You never wanted to abort it but it had to be done you were in fear of being left alone and now you could see the fear in your own eyes. You crushed the man, no other way of putting it. You hurt him so bad, the apartment looks like a caveman lived here.
You stopped stuffing the black bag and carried it up to the front door. You could've left at that, maybe even should've but you wanted to look around. You knew when Jake was in a bad mood, you'd find him in his TV chair. He always was the person to be found in the chair when things got hard or miserable. You walk into the room to see papers upon the chair, your abortion papers along with the only scan you had of the baby.
It looks as if Jake has read through the papers many times, back and front to somehow believe it was all just a dream, something to change faith in a way. On the other side was a pile of Polaroids of you and Jake together. Happy. Free. In love. It was just a week ago that one of them was taken. So close but yet so far of how it felt.
You didn't know when the tears started but now they slipped violently from your eyes. You hurt the only person you properly loved and left him without a word. You were a monster. You were the reason the man you love, suffers. You had to leave now, you couldn't contain it in you anymore, this was all too much.
"Haze." This couldn't be happening, not right now, you just wanted to leave and get here we go again, in the same position as seven years ago when you were leaving for proper. Javy. He had to always come at the worst times, his way of perfect timing in a way. "Coyote, I hav-"
"Oh shut it Haze, you don't have to do shit, you just fucking leave and now here you are about to leave again, again after breaking his heart."
Strong, hit you right to the core. You were already crying but this was someone finally being realistic with you. Every time something bad happened, you cave and ran. Something your mother passed onto you. She never wanted you, after your birth she just simply left and that's a habit you've only managed to pick up from her. Leaving.
"Y/N, I shouldn't have said that… Please don't leave him again." The desperation in Javy's voice was iconic. It wasn't him we were talking about anymore, yet here we are him trying to get you to stay for a friend. "Haze, don't leave again, please. He lov-"
"No Javy, not anymore. He doesn't love me anymore, not now. He doesn't want me anymore. And it's for the best this time. He just doesn't want me anymore and I don't want to cause more pain."
"He still cares Y/N."
"No Javy, just no.."
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