#to anyone who feels guilty its ok. you were just having fun

[pansear-doodles]

well today was... interesting.

anyway i drew... the slonk cats slonking...

#honestly my own fault to engage with the asks to begin with #no i dont want to have another panic attack thank you #... trying to fight it #i dont have time for that. im gonna go complete my thing #artihunter #fanart #rain world #rainworld #rainworld downpour #rainworld spoilers #rain world downpour #to anyone who feels guilty its ok. you were just having fun

[tommykinard6]

Could we please hear more about omega Eddie, alpha Buck and omega Tommy headcanons? Specifically if you want to share any nsfw headcanons?

Secrets, Broken and Fragile is one of my favorite omegaverse 911 series. I had no idea you wrote it. I wanted to let you know, it is amazing :). Hope you're having a lovely weekend :)

You’re so sweet, nonnie! Thank you for your kind words about my series! Sorry this took so long to get back to you, but I’ll have you know that I’ve been thinking hard about a good response to this.

Putting a cut here for anyone who needs to scroll!

Let’s start off the bat: all of them want a family.

Eddie wants more kids (my headcanon here actually follows my Secrets, Broken and Fragile one, that he birthed Christopher). He always wanted a big family, wanted Christopher to have siblings. He loved the feeling of being pregnant, despite the stresses he and Shannon were facing the whole time. He wants to experience that again.

Buck wants a big family too. He wants his children to never be alone, to know that they’ll always be loved. He knows that any pup produced by either of his omegas will be the luckiest in the world, adored by their three loving fathers.

Tommy stifled a want for kids long ago, thinking it was impossible for him. No alpha looked at him and wanted him to carry their child. They were too intimidated by him. But he loves children. In a relationship with Eddie and Buck, he feels safe for the first time to admit that he might be open to having kids.

They’re trying for kids. They all live together. Buck and Eddie are trying for a baby and Tommy is there, encouraging them and stifling the tiny voice in his head that tells him he doesn’t belong there.

He loves his partners. He wants them as his mates. But his insecurities run deep.

Just like Buck’s fear of abandonment.

Like Eddie’s fear of failure.

But then Tommy becomes pregnant first and he doesn’t know what to do with that. Eddie was supposed to have this and he feels guilty for taking it away.

But Eddie is ecstatic at the news and Buck picks him up (even though they’re about the same size) and spins him around in happiness.

When Buck is cooking dinner in the kitchen later and he and Eddie are cuddling in their nest, he gets up the courage to ask Eddie, timidly, if it’s ok.

Because this feels like it’s supposed to be Eddie’s moment.

And Eddie kisses him and reassures him. He’s not upset. He couldn’t love this child more if they were his own. Yes, he and Buck were trying but Eddie’s thinking it worked out as it should.

As a bonus, since you asked for specifically NSFW headcanons!

MINORS DNI

They do have individual sexy times, but a lot of the fun is had when they’re all together. One of these said times is when Buck is balls deeps inside of Tommy, working a growing knot in and out. Tommy, moving with every thrust, is deep inside of Eddie, who’s moaning unabashedly below him. Buck finally works his almost full knot inside Tommy’s sore and greedy hole. Tommy jerks and comes almost immediately, spilling deep inside Eddie, who moans filthily. But they’re not done. Buck flips Tommy over and slides in several fingers next to his own knot, driving Tommy wild at the stretch. Eddie has pulled off at this point and resettles with his knees on either side of Tommy’s head, presenting Tommy with an offering he couldn’t refuse. Eddie almost screams when Tommy’s talented tongue finds its way home.

Enjoy! (P.S. I’m tipsy so ignore any peculiarities)

#911 abc #911 show #9-1-1 #tommy kinard #evan buckley #bucktommy #eddie diaz #buddietommy #omega tommy kinard #omega eddie diaz #alpha evan buckley #omegaverse #tk6 talks a/b/o #tk6 answers

[atom-writings]

Hello!! Can I request France, England and Germany with a s/o who is demissexual (you know, ace spectrum, need deep conection, takes a long time to want sex etc) and haven't had sex yet and feels very insecure?

(France, England, and Germany X Reader) Demisexual S/O!

(Gender Neutral) Headcanons ~ A/N sorry this is shorter its very specific. Anyway happy pride month any queer related requests r gonna get fufilled first for a while!!!

Trigger Warning: Mentions of sexual subjects, but no real discussion.

This is absolutely NO problem for Francis. He is like, the number one boundary respecter. Before he initiates any physical contact, even little things like holding your hand, he asks for your permission. And if you say no, there are no questions asked. He would NEVER ask anything of you that you don’t 100% want.

Once you tell him about your insecurities, he freaks out. His beloved? Feeling bad for doing nothing wrong? No! Not on his watch! Anytime you bring up feeling you missed the time were it was acceptable to have a first time, he’s immediately batting that thought down and insisting that “he’s been around for thousands of years, he knows a little more about acceptable timeframes.” Whenever you feel especially ‘broken,’ he’s there to hold you close and whisper affirming words all night. Your sexuality and your experiences with it say nothing about your character! Feeling safe and comfortable is more important than doing what society expects of you! He loves you no matter what.

He’s totally willing to lay his dignity down on the line to defend you about that too. If someone made fun of you for being a virgin, he is totally willing to shout, “I WAS VIRGIN UNTIL 121 SO IF YOU’RE TEASING ONE OF US, TEASE ME!” which is… embarrassing for the both of you, but it’s better than nothing. Also, anyone trying to say demisexuality is invalid is getting a death glare as he physically moves you away from them.

Arthur has always had problems with that kind of intimacy, so it’s quite a relief to him that you aren’t super into it. He’s perfectly happy with the way things are now, don’t worry. Take as much time as you need.

He might be a little surprised when you tell him you’re a virgin, but he doesn’t judge you at all! No matter how old you are! It doesn’t change how he sees you in the slightest. If anything, it’s a good thing. It means you haven’t been comfortable doing that and haven’t forced yourself to. Which is great! It’s a little embarrassing, but he’s always been quite… promiscuous… and that’s often gotten him into pretty terrible situations. He’s glad you haven’t had to deal with all that.

Despite the fact that he is godawful at communication, he wouldn’t pressure you into anything you’re uncomfortable with. Even if he doesn’t understand, he won’t say anything about it (well, anything more than an “oh. ok!”)

Also, he’s known plenty of people throughout history that barely had sex. It’s totally normal. Anyone saying that demisexuality is a new concept is dead wrong.

Personally, I strongly believe that Ludwig is on the asexual spectrum himself! But regardless of whether that exactly is true, he has no problem with a relationship that lacks that aspect. It’s quite hard for him to get comfortable around anyone, so he’ll need as much time as you do anyway.

Seriously, don’t feel bad about still being a virgin. He was a virgin for a long, long time (longer than you’ve been alive, probably) and his life changed very little because of it. It’s always better to be sure you want something rather than just doing it because of social pressure.

Everyone has their timeline <3 Like, he didn’t learn to read until he was like, 20, but would you hold that against him? No. So don’t feel guilty for not experiencing that yet.

He won’t ask you anything about it either. Only if you come to him first asking for it will he ever initiate anything like that. Holding hands and staring deeply into each other's eyes satisfies him perfectly. (He was raised Catholic, cut him a break.)

And if anyone tries to invalidate your sexuality, he can always pull the “I’m hundreds of years old and have been experiencing this kind of thing the whole time. You’re just ignorant” card. He’s very happy to!

#heta tag #hetalia imagines #hetalia x reader #arthur tag #ludwig tag #francis tag #aph france x reader #aph england x reader #aph germany x reader #hws france x reader #hws england x reader #hws germany x reader

[sky-is-the-limit]

hi! first of all i want to tell you that your page is very fun to read, thank you for it! but… i sometimes (really often) see things that makes me sad and even somehow guilty?? i don't really care about Gaz, and i like Konig. and i was pretty ok with it, until i started to see your posts that everyone who doesn't like Gaz and likes Konig is racist???? like, why??? i can understand why people like Gaz, but he just seems plane to me? and that's all. he is just not my type??? and Konig, though he is just an operator in multiplayer and has a very little backstory, i still love it and his accent very much. i have a very long list of black crushes male and female. but i just don't like Gaz. and when i make things that i like i include characters that i like and don't include those who i don't??? i just don't call them 141 if i include Konig and don't Gaz. if i want to make 141, Gaz is always there, because he is a part, even if i don't care about him. and your statements really makes me sad and upset about myself, though i'm old enough to understand that i have my right to like and don't like who i want. sorry for my long ass essay in a bad English. please don't hate me?? p.s. you are very pretty :c

Okay, I'm sorry but can you tell me exactly when did I say that anyone who doesn't like Kyle is racist? I specifically mention in whatever post I make regarding people leaving Gaz out of 141 that many have weird, racist undertones, I never said that if you don't like Kyle as a character, you have to be racist.

You can like/write/consume whatever on earth you want, love, I'm not a babysitter nor I own the freaking games. I'm a fan in this fandom and a gamer who loves this franchise therefore I am ALLOWED to express my opinion/thoughts/likes and dislikes regarding said fandom in my own blog.

You can build König a tall ass statue and make sacrifices to his name, darling that's your right! You like him as a character and that's cool, you're allowed to like whoever you want and dislike whoever you want, I ain't gonna burn your phone for not liking Kyle nor call YOU specifically racist for not liking him as a character, though, frankly, it doesn't make sense at all but again that's a me thing.

However, noticing how fucking racist this fandom is for having a pattern of excluding the only black character from his own content and replace him with a white man that has nothing to do with it, even though Kyle is literally the main character then yeah I'm gonna call it out and no one will make me feel bad or wrong about it.

When real people get hurt, real poc get hurt by seeing the only person representing them being tossed to the side for literally no fucking reason then I'm sorry but I don't really care if my dislike towards an irrelevant mf is such a discomfort to you or anyone else.

Because me not liking König or calling out a collective of bad behaviour in a fandom does not affect you at all if you simply click the 'x' next to my post.

I understand the annoyance of seeing people disliking a character that you like but you can literally unfollow/block etc cause if I were to get upset whenever some stranger online disliked my fav fictional characters, I'd end up in anger management or something.

Love, if my content or opinions make you sad for whatever reason (said reasons being about fictional characters and not real life issues which is what most of my Kyle defending posts are about) then put your mental health first and block me, I can promise you that's its okay to do it when you see something that you don't like!

However, with that being said, I will not change my opinions/criticism for anyone, I don't do it in real life with real people who I interact with and I will not do it on a silly lil tumblr blog when it comes to concerning issues such as racism that is very much present in the Call of Duty community.

My criticism is not for people who simply don't like a fictional character who happens to be black. My posts are very much targeted towards a very specific demographic and I really don't understand this but I respect your feelings and will very much encourage you to not follow this blog if it makes you upset, it's okay and understandable!!

With all that being said, never apologise for your English. Be proud that you speak more than one language! It's not my first language either:) Thank you for reaching out and explaining why you feel that way, I hope you the best, dear anon. Take care<3

#ask #cod #call of duty

[goodnightmemes]

BONES SENTENECE STARTERS / s01e05 - s01e08

❛ So, you're saying I'll get used to it? ❜

❛ What helps me is to pull back emotionally. Just...put your heart in a box. ❜

❛ It helps not to refer to the victim by name. ❜

❛ Anger is only fear, turned inwards. ❜

❛ I mean, you look normal and you act normal, but you're actually one of them. ❜

❛ Well, I wouldn't bet a date with Colin Farrell on it. ❜

❛ I'm not really this person. ❜

❛ I'm not like you. I'm not driven by the need for justice and all that. ❜

❛ Cracking jokes over murdered skeletons is not good times. ❜

❛ Just don't decide anything without talking to me. ❜

❛ The thing to do is concentrate on the details. ❜

❛ Fight coercion in all its forms. ❜

❛ I get the impression that you're a little confused as to what side you're on. ❜

❛ I thought we were close. All of us. What else don't I know? ❜

❛ No, you say you understand, but you don't. ❜

❛ Tell you what, if I can't respect the law, I can at least respect you. ❜

❛ Paranoia and delusions of grandeur all in one package. ❜

❛ My secret will be out and my life, this life that I love, will be ruined. ❜

❛ I'll tell you all about it one day, but tonight I have to get dressed for a party. ❜

❛ Okay, that's just mean. You're mean. ❜

❛ You are the best of us. ❜

❛ You look nice. Better than nice, you look, uh... very... ❜

❛ I learned that trick from you. The end justifies the means. ❜

❛ I knew you'd back me up. I knew you wouldn't make me a liar. ❜

❛ Feels good, doesn't it? Being with people who are alive? ❜

❛ Come here! Isn't this a beautiful specimen of mummification? ❜

❛ It's so hard to believe that you two would be a couple. It's very touching. ❜

❛ Sorry, sorry. I apologize. Here, I'm gonna make it up to you, I promise, ok? Ice cream later? ❜

❛ How about a stick to pry the monkey off your back? ❜

❛ I've been told I look like a marionette in a windstorm. ❜

❛ You trying to scare us with rats? We've been to places where the rats eat the laces right out of our boots. ❜

❛ I think I need a vacation. I think you do too. ❜

❛ You know what? I'm gonna turn you into an investigator yet. ❜

❛ My orders were not to break deep cover for anybody. ❜

❛ You know, your eyes are kinda close together, but I don't comment. ❜

❛ Where am I, in Backwards World? ❜

❛ You know what? I'm gonna spread the pain, all right? That's my new motto. ❜

❛ Wait, I can help spread pain. Wait! ❜

❛ All right, how easily do you think I scare? ❜

❛ The next time I take your gun away from you, I'll shoot you with it. ❜

❛ When was the last time you got away? ❜

❛ You don't need a gun. If anyone needs shooting, I'll do it. ❜

❛ I told them not to let you in this building. I gave them your picture. ❜

❛ If it's all the same, I'd prefer you two didn't bond in any way. ❜

❛ I'd ask how you were doing, but I guess we both know the answer. ❜

❛ You know, the whole point of the week is the weekend. ❜

❛ If you knew what I know about structural design, you wouldn't drive either. ❜

❛ Look at this guy. He's cuter than a monkey with a puppy. ❜

❛ If she shoots anybody this time, I sure the hell hope it's you. ❜

❛ I don't like to form any conclusions before all the evidence is in. ❜

❛ Things can get pretty, you know, disgusting around here. ❜

❛ You see? You lose sleep, you get cranky. ❜

❛ You see the truth. You know I'm innocent, right? ❜

❛ I know there's a chance you're not guilty. ❜

❛ You had motive, you had means, you had opportunity. ❜

❛ Are you kidding me? I haven't slept in 48 hours and you're worried about your suit? Get over here. ❜

❛ That's what you get for working on weekends. ❜

❛ You ever hear about taking some time off, having a little fun? ❜

❛ We all share in the death of every human being. ❜

❛ It should never be easy to take someone's life. I don't care who it is. ❜

❛ You're supposed to bump my fist with yours. I'm told it's a widely acknowledged gesture of mutual success. ❜

❛ I love it when you two impersonate earthlings. ❜

❛ I hope you don't have any expectations. ❜

❛ This is like watching cars mate. ❜

❛ The "ex" in ex-lover is not a variable. It's a constant, like the speed of light. ❜

❛ I can assure you, our relationship is purely platonic. Neither of us has the time or inclination for emotional complications. ❜

❛ This seems like an appropriate moment to discuss human goop. ❜

❛ What? Is it so odd for everyone to see me with a man? ❜

❛ Some things can't be erased from the body. ❜

❛ The way you come at me... are you threatened or do I turn you on? ❜

❛ The Olympics are a competition. Ours is a struggle to the death. ❜

❛ What you see is what you get. That's a rare quality. ❜

❛ How could I not be upset? Basically, you were spying on me. ❜

❛ I never got a B and I never will. ❜

❛ This is who I really am. Just this. ❜

❛ Wow. You're the reason civilization is declining. ❜

❛ You have many skills. Not one of them includes communicating with the average person on the street. ❜

❛ I think you're taking this too personally. ❜

❛ How I feel doesn't matter. My job doesn't depend on it. ❜

❛ You had no right. There are things that are private. ❜

❛ Do you want my coat or something? It's cold up here. ❜

#sentence starters #rp meme #rp sentence meme #sentence meme #rp prompt #inbox meme #roleplay meme #roleplay prompts #rp starters #rp memes #rp prompts #sentence starter meme #*bones #*tv

[dadzawa004]

(is anon wif da gf trubles) (tw vent, sh mention )

Is hards cuz host has strong connection wif his gf an he relly love her so he no wanna break ups wif her, I no relly like her, she seem scary :( an one da protecter no like her either, but host say is good, say she helpy him hurt body less an da she make him happys an stuffs bu protecter tink do more harm den good :( ben lot fighting in headspace lately :( dey always lot fight between host and da protecter, cuz host no do good mently an he do lot thinks da hurt body, he also get rid of us stuffs :( cuz he say da we no real :( bu is real :( I reel girl no fake peoples, has split lot recently so sum thing definly no goodds, is stressful, just not kno wat do :( host say no tell her is system cuz is probly fakeing its an no wan her kno bouts it, I tried front earlier bu host just scream an said bad words to me :( was no fun

Vent reaponse// TW (long post.)

Hey anon. it's nice to see you again, despite the bad circumstances

Please let this be a reminder. You ARE real. You are real, You're here and you're a real person. So is everyone in your system. I know how hard it is, considering the host is having troubles coming to terms with such. No matter what, you're real either way. I'm sorry to hear about the stress the sys is going through at the moment. I'm sure that the host isn't the only person going through denial

As I am apart of a system myself, I can find myself often wondering if its just me or it's really happening. Which is a valid feeling, please don't feel guilty about it (this includes the host and everyone who may feel this way)

I fear that if this is going on, the front may not be safe to front into. I'm not in charge wether when you decide to front or not. But if you want my personal opinion (and maybe something I did when we were in a similar situation) take front breaks. It's okay to take breaks if you can, and it can be extremely healthy when the stress is off your chest.

The most important thing right now is trying to remove the body itself into a place which feels more comfortable to you and the others. So if you want a place to start, start there (safety is your main priority, always remember that)

Like I said before, we had a host who was very similar to yours. And the situation was a huge.. ball of stress to get through. But I promise, eventually (and hopefully) the host and maybe anyone else who has similar mindset will start to understand their situation and how to cope with it

you have the same power as the host, so please don't feel like you're being shut down or kept quiet. Communication is key, but safety is the main focus before proceeding into hot waters like this

It might take hours, days, or weeks, even more. But no matter what the host will come in terms at some point. They can't ignore something that cannot be ignored. And even if being a system is rough, and it's "easier" to try and doubt your situation; it just isn't healthy. Not for them, not for the system or it's alters, not for the body. The most important thing is to find a way to get along, Live with it, and live with your lives. And I'm hoping that terms and realization will come soon

And please remember that there are resources to take if it's an emergency. Wether that he hotlines, therapy, and others (again, if safe to do so). But remember resources are there to help, so whatever the case, please turn to it if you're in a state of emergency. You aren't alone and you shouldn't do this alone.

I hope this helps. If you need more advice or.. just to talk, I'm here for you. So Is the CGS who run the blog. My messages are also open, so if you'd like to continue to talk, you are free to do so. (no pressure, but the option is always there)

I wish you the best of luck, kid. And I hope this reaches out ok

#age regression caregiver #agere community #age regression #agere caregiver #aizawa speaks #endos dni #vent comfort #vent post #cw

[kiwidotcom]

yall im about to expose myself so bad right now but i cannot believe what just happened to me happened. 

ok backstory. i got completely burnt out in 2020. like had to quit my jobs and stay at the hospital. its been really really hard to get back to work since.

 but then i started working at this place called mission possible. its a work placement non profit that helps people get back into the work force. its actually amazing and im so grateful for it. its needle and litter pick up, plaza washing, power washing, landscaping etc. i just tell ppl landscaping because as grateful as i am im also embarrassed as fucking hell. And i feel guilty as hell because its not like i think anyone in the program should be embarrassed!!!! i swear!! its just, hard when no one i know is .. failing at life... quite like me. and i love mp so much, but it kinda sheds light on that.. so its hard. I’m always thinking someone i know might see me. but surprisingly only one person i know ever has and ive worked there over a year. and it was nbd

and additional thing im anxious about is that people think im doing community service. strangers have asked me multiple times. sometimes its fun because im always like ‘ya i robbed 100 banks’ . but still. 

ok backstory part 2/2 i dated a guy in 2016. he was my first everything. so kind of a big ass deal. but its not like i harboured feelings. i broke up with him yadda yadda. hes had me blocked since 2018. not because anything happened. but last summer he unblocked me out of no where and hit me up to catch up, we made plans but they fell through. and we hadnt talked since. 

Guess who i saw while working today. 

When we talked last summer he mentioned he lived in that area. him and his girlfriend were just having breakfast. AND oh my god so (lol) i looked worse today than average because i was with someone last night/ this morning so i looked messier. and they have the same fucking name lmao. very different as people but they have the same name. anyway. i acted a DAMN FOOL and was ridiculous. it was painful. 

i messaged him that we need to catch up when im not wearing the high vis/ steel toe ensemble. i require vindication. 

.

he asks me if im doing community service. he makes a joke but he genuinely asks. 

i reply with a joke and say no. he then says “we both assumed it was community service"

Fucking y'all

:|

so if you want to feel better. i ran into my ex and after i left, him and his girlfriend discussed how im likely doing community service. 

someone end me pls

#its not long long #but too long to post regualrly #but yea holy fucking shit #gunna make toast in the shower brb #like i feel like shower would work right lmao #i dont like baths #ok sorry my brain is just so fucked right now #lmaooo

[katsu28]

heyyyyy ✨ ok so for the book corner 📝 because im a sucker for these kinda matchmaker thingies

for fandom you can put me w anyone you want from outer banks or marvel

ok im 18 very petite long black hair brown eyes tan skin I hate traveling because its just a lot of work and id rather just wrap myself up in a blanket and stare at my phone for hours and hours and hours and hours on end also I love pink and im a winter cool

I love Taylor Beyonce rihrih Lady Gaga Sza Summer walker Mos Def I also lowkey love watching the kardashians Im a HUUUGGEEE Trixie and Katya stan I love all things girlie and I love doing douyin makeup because there's a lot of glitter and I love shiny things Ive played piano since 1st grade and violin since 6th grade I also love singing even though I suck at it plus im extremely delusional and im a pisces girlie and I hate confrontation and im a huge introvert that wants to be an extrovert and tries to pretend to be an extrovert but its really not working I second guess myself 90% of the time

Im a huge cheap ass whore for Oscar Isaac and perdro pascal and I try to act like im not but tbh id be ready to just DROP EVERYTHING NOW (MEET ME IN THE POURING RAIN KISS ME ON THE SIDEWALK TAKE AWAY THE PAIN) and give up everything for them.

I enjoy that satisfying feeling when you get home, and you kick off both your shoes and run towards your bed, I love love love the smell after it rains, I also love sleeping during thunderstorms, I love it when you know when you wake up but you let yourself have like a few extra minutes of bliss just laying there doing nothing before you get out of the bed and I love just being delusional and im the type of girlie who makes a whole love story in her mind even though we just met I love love love love love matching songs to fanfics and books and just my overall mood, my fav perfume is angel by mugler and I love flower knows and kaleidos makeup

thank youuuu🙏I know this must be a pain in the ass to read and im sorry I hope this wasn't tmi

❤️✨💖💕

this was actually so fun to read we have so many things in common!! u are so cool

i would ship you with steven grant! first of all when you said you were a huge introvert that wants to be an extrovert my mind immediately went to steven because i feel like he's also def an introvert and you guys would help bring out the budding extrovert in each other. or if that doesn't happen he'll def be happy to just stay in with you and lounge around in bed or on the couch with a movie.

you could introduce him to different music artists though i do feel like he could be a secret swiftie, and also trixie and katya bc who doesn't love those two. i think he'd find them hilarious. watching the kardashians with you would be his guilty pleasure, he just gets wrapped up in the drama.

steven is also the type of guy to create a whole love story in his head after he meets you bc lets be honest he's such a simp he wouldn't be able to stop thinking of you <3 he would love listening to you sing and play piano and violin, i even think it would help him fall asleep on those tough nights. he would def be the type to want to dance in the pouring rain with you even if you both get sick afterwards bc he just loves seeing you happy.

#kait's 2k! #swiftiegirliepop <3

[bluelobster10]

Human Services is an ironic profession because it suggests that the professionals have a firm understanding on what it means to guide someone through dismal days.

I am sure what I am about to confess is beyond uninspiring, but I was at one of my lowest points in my life. I missed living with my friends in an apartment, and I missed having everything I needed around the corner of my apartment because my college was smaller than a postage stamp. However, what I struggled with the most was the lack of authority. What do you mean there are no professors, coaches, teachers, counselors in the adult world that are providing syllabi and rubrics and expectations for adulthood. Who guides me through this? How do I know if what I chose to do in any given moment on any given day is the right choice? I was a hot mess.

At the time I was working two jobs, one in a nursing home and one at a summer camp. My dad and I were sharing the car, but he let me have it most of the time. He was one my biggest champions. One day he needed the car so he planned to pick me up from my summer camp job and drop me off at the nursing home for an evening shift. For whatever reason that I can't remember, perhaps it was the sheer fact that my dad has always been one of my safe spaces, and the fact that I just have never been remotely adequate containing my emotions. The female protagonists in every film who keeps all her secrets to herself and says "I don't want to talk about it." Could NEVER be me. Anyway, I cried, and cried, and cried some more and just said "I don't know why but I feel like I have a dark cloud over me."

Long story short, the fall was much better, but the winter was dark. Such is life, and all of its cycles, lessons, challenges, and triumphs. Yes, ok, I bought a car that January and crashed it the next day. My safe and cautious sixteen year old self would have been mortified. T

I continued on in my job as a case manager at an adult day program for anyone over the age of 22 years old with intellectual and developmental disabilities. Some day I will write about how that job shaped every thing about my professional, and personal self. In not so many words, I absolutely adored it.

Despite all the clarity I found, and still continue to find, in serving vulnerable populations I have to say, my least favorite trope the typical "Clinican who can save everyone else but internally is falling apart at the seems." I am guilty of playing into this trope, don't get me wrong, but it was exhausting. I didn't like the extremes this type of thinking took me too. It was upsetting to ride this high of being at work where it felt good to really excel in something, just to get back in my car and listen to a romance song to remind me I still was afraid to talk to men. Twenty three languages account for the majority of the worlds population, and still there isn't enough words to orate the amount of love I have for my parents. But, it still stung to have a fulfilling life at work, to just go home to eating pizza with them on Friday night. Trust me, if they had it there way they wanted me to go out and have fun, but a lack of confidence, rapid weight gain, and simply always feeling like I will never measure up hindered me more than it should have. I harbored so much resentment for the state in which I allowed my body to be, allowed my mental space to be in.

I tried all sorts of hobbies, such as learning to play the guitar, getting back into the pool to begin swimming again, and learning braille. I picked up more books and fell in love with the stunning words of Fredrik Backman. I got into podcasts, researched graduate programs, and said "yes" more to being with my friends. Because guess what, I have some of the funniest friends on planet earth, and they will be responsible for every wrinkle around the corners of my mouth. I started eating more healthy, NOT restricting anything, and lost weight. Once I started filling up my cup; taking deep breaths in my oxygen mask, only then I could begin to really enrich my life. I wasn't having emotional outbursts, and stopped bleeding on people that didn't cut me. I rationalized my thoughts more, and thoughts things through. Heck, I was even brave enough to travel to Europe by myself.

My favorite part of this learning experience was the reflection part. I am sentimental nerd in that way. In school, I used to love reflection segments in English Class, and going to therapy and actually talking about my challenges, was as seamless as asking an eight year old what they want for Christmas - chronic word vomit. I can to a reflective conclusion fairly easily, I was my own worst enemy, and didn't grant myself the grace like I do to others. I was mean to my parents daughter, my sisters sister, my grandmothers granddaughter, my friends friends. When I got out of college I had to pave my own path, and if I made the wrong choice no one was going to stop me before the bad parts transpired. I had to right wrongs, I had to learn what my body needed and provide it, I had to figure out what stimulates my brain and engage with that material. I had to figure out who I was all over again. It was puberty 2.0, minus the acne and armpit sweat stains. I just felt an insurmountable relief once I settled the beef I had with myself and learned who I in this adult universe. Truth be told, I am still learning.

I lost my dad last summer, I had just turned 28 years old, and he was one week shy of his 65th birthday. When he got sick it was like a bomb went off in my off in my family. A catastrophic disaster, that didn't have a trapped door, or emergency latch. There was no one in the exit row guiding the rest of us to safety. Maybe someday, hopefully, I can write about grief, and all I learned from it. The force in which I love my family rivals the forces of gravity, inertia, and all other natural forces that hold the world together (again, not a physics girl, per my last blog). Though, my father, Shaun, was the first person I lost that truly feels down right unfair. He was here and then he wasn't, and he had so much to live for. He needs to walk me down the aisle, my children need to learn how to play catch, my boyfriend needs to laugh at his jokes. He absence is so glaring, and I miss him as strongly as I love him.

In my time as a clinician working with adults, sometimes loss is one of the only unifying factors, because no one is immune to tragedy. In a way, it makes me more of an empathetic clinician, but when I lay in bed before my eyelids pull me in sleep, my pragmatic mind draws a blank on coping strategies. So I allow myself to cry, and I tell my mom that I love her more times a day than I should, and I bring up my dad inappropriate jokes, and I listen to his voice on videos I forced him to make. I keep him alive in all the ways I know how while still accepting that he isn't coming through the back door anymore. It's funny how you can have the answers for other peoples loss and draw a blank when it comes to your own loss, even when the answers are multiple choice. Again, maybe I will write something so profound on grief someday, maybe, if I get through it.

I owe every part of who I am to my mom, Maria, and my father Shaun. It wasn't hard to chose a helping profession when I have the most selfless people who loved me with no conditions.

#human services #loss #father #empathy #fillyourcup #FillYourSoul

[mikiaemu]

my ocs as incorrect quotes bc its funny! pt 1

its gonna be long so click the keep reading

btw the ocs aki and ren are not my ocs! the other 4 are (ezekiel, gabriel, kiki and ivy my children)

btw ezekiel and gabriel are dating, ivy and kiki are in love with eachother and ren is aroace, and sibling wise, ezekiel and kiki are siblings (ezekiel is the older one)

and aki is a twink /hj (shes only in one of these sorry elias)

also ezekiel did turn 31 2 days ago happy late bday man we love you

gabriel: what the fuck is wrong with you?? ezekiel: what? no good morning? gabriel: good morning, what the fuck is wrong with you??

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ivy: bet you can’t eat 15 crayons! kiki: bet you I can! ezekiel: *sips coffee, checks to make sure 911 is still on speed dial, and goes back to reading the paper*

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ren: what’s wrong? you look 10 seconds away from ripping someone’s throat out. ezekiel: fucking kiki and ivy were trying to invoke one of the minor gods again last night. i didn't get an ounce of sleep, thanks to their bloody chanting.

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ivy: the only thing i'm guilty of is being adorable... ...and also assault with a deadly weapon.

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ezekiel: here is my wall of inspirational people. kiki: is that a picture of you? ezekiel: yes, i am big enough to admit that i am often inspired by myself.

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gabriel: do you want to play 20 questions? ezekiel: sure! ezekiel: whats your favorite color? gabriel, laser fucking focused: triangle. do you like men?

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gabriel: ezekiel is too tall for me to kiss them on the lips. what should I do? ren: punch him in the stomach. then, when they double over in pain, kiss them. kiki: tackle them! ivy: dump him. aki: kick them in the shin! ezekiel: no to all of those! just ask me to lean down!

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kiki: can you recommend a book that'll make me cry? ezekiel: general mathematics 8th grade edition.

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ren: gabriel is taking credit for ezekiel's work, getting them to deal with everything, and making fun of him! you know what they sounds like? kiki: you? ren: no, i meant... you know ezekiel. in spite of being clever and sarcastic they’re also... fragile and weird and he has trouble fitting in. and gabriel is taking advantage of their weakness! you know what that’s called? kiki: a ren? ren: ...yeah, but i’m the only one who should be allowed to do that, okay?

-------

kiki: i owe you one. ivy: that’s ok. you can just date me and we’ll call it even.

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gabriel, rushing into the room: it’s terrible, just terrible! i am so upset! ezekiel: gabriel, honey, sit down! sweetheart, tell us all about it. ren, would you get gabriel some water? ren: what is it gonna do with water? has water ever made you feel better when you were upset? have you ever heard anyone say, “thank God, the water’s here!”?

-------

ezekiel: *makes gabriel a cup of tea but puts salt in it* gabriel: *sips tea* ezekiel: gabriel: *finishes tea* ezekiel: didn't it taste bad? gabriel: yeah, but i didn't want to hurt your feelings so i drank it all. ezekiel, tearing up: oh, okay.

-------

ivy: i'm bored. kiki: wanna commit first degree murder? ivy: Sure! gabriel, hearing them: no- stop, don't do that! put that knife down! put ezekiel down!!

(this one is the whole webtoon they’re gonna be in, in one incorrect quote)

if u wanna know more abt a certain oc/the webtoon just ask! i love answering questions! dont ask any nsfw questions, most of these are minors (gabriel, ren, and ezekiel are adults but still)

#ocs #oc #original character #original characters #oc incorrect quotes #incorrect quotes oc #incorrect quote oc #oc incorrect quote #incorrect quotes #incorrect quote #idk if ill make it #it as in the webtoon #but #ya #happy birthday ezekiel #LFMOSOAO #ok bye

[supercorpkid]

The price of magic.

Supercorp, Kara Danvers x Daughter!Reader, Lena Luthor x Daughter!Reader

Word Count: 2210.

Turns out the price of magic was higher than you had anticipated. You’ve been away for more than a year, but for your family it was nothing but a week. Sure they’ve missed you and they were out there looking for you with no clue of where you could have gone. But for you?

A year in Storybrooke was experiencing your life as you’ve always imagined. Being yourself in its totality. No Luthor name hanging over your head, no hiding yourself behind glasses or a red and blue superhero suit. It was being both Kryptonian and human at the same time, with no fear of judgment or dislike.

Storybrooke was like going on a super long vacation; so long it made you forget all of your problems. But that doesn’t mean that your problems went away. They came back as soon as you stepped foot in National City.

The price of magic was feeling guilty for being happier somewhere else. It was walking into your bedroom and feeling at home but also somehow not at all. It was walking around the craziness of National City and feeling suffocated like you’re in a crowded room full of empty faces. It was missing the words ‘honey’ and ‘sweetheart’ when people were referring to you. It was having a crazy number of options of take-out food but wanting nothing except the food in Granny’s diner.

And you weren’t the only one to pay the price. You can feel how high it was for Kara and Lena too.

“Mom?” You sit up on the bed, looking at Lena standing in your bedroom watching you sleep. “What are you doing creeping over my bed at-” You look at your alarm clock. “3 in the morning?”

“I had to be sure you were still here.” Lena says, sounding small and scared.

“Mom, I’m not going to disappear from my bedroom in the middle of the night.” You say, trying to reassure her, but it backfires you.

“You can’t blame me for thinking that, because you did.” She holds your arm, and you hear the cry in her cracked voice.

“Would you feel better if you stayed here with me?” You make space for her. Lena hum in agreement, lying next to you. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m even more.” She kisses the back of your hand. “A whole year without us. You were probably so scared we weren’t looking for you.”

“I knew you were.”

“You got so tall, and we weren’t even there to see it!” Lena complains and you give her a sad little smile, even though she can’t see your face at all in the darkness of your bedroom.

“Well, I chose a weird age to have a growth spurt .” You joke, but you don’t get a laugh in return. You sort of always knew when you would get taller. It was the same with Kara. You were always very anxious to turn 17, because that was the age she actually grew more. But the weird thing is that you’re not really 17 now. Like Kara is not really 70.

“Come here.” Lena hugs you and you settle back. You’re almost drifting off to sleep when she whispers. “Don’t ever leave again.”

You can’t promise that you won’t. Stranger things have happened in your life, you don’t really feel like you have control over that anymore. And weird as it may seem, you also don’t want to have control over that. Because if you had, if you could have chosen, you probably wouldn’t have met some of the people that you love so much now.

“Hey!” You walk in the kitchen, to both Kara and Lena still having breakfast despite how late already is. “What are you two doing?”

“Having breakfast.” Kara explains, like it isn’t obvious.

You look at the clock. “It’s nine.” You raise an eyebrow at them. “And it’s Monday.”

“Yes.” Lena agrees.

“On Mondays you go to work, and Kara does her usual Kara’ stuff.”

“You were gone for a week. Even if L Corp burned down in flames I wouldn’t leave your side today.” Lena answers you, and you smile softly. You look at Kara next.

“Oh, well, if L Corp was burning up in flames I probably would have to go to put out the fire.” She says but adds in a hurry. “But I would be here five seconds later!”

“Ok.” You chuckle. “I thought I would go see Jamie and Maya on their lunch break, but if you two want me to stay-”

“No! Baby, no. Go see your cousin and your girlfriend. They were missing you too.” Lena hands you your phone. “There’s a lot of texts from them.”

“Oh, a phone! God I haven’t had one in a while.” You smile scrolling through your messages, ignoring your moms questioning looks.

“So, maybe you could tell us how was your life there.” Kara asks, but you’re too distracted with your phone to notice. You haven’t used one in a while, not because there weren’t phones in Storybrooke, but because you didn’t need them. It was a super small city, you could find anyone easily, and because Emma and Charming were sheriffs, you all used radio transmitters to talk. “Hey? Little one, helloooo.”

“Sorry momma.” You put your phone down. “What did you say?”

“We want to know about your life there. I mean, for us it wasn’t that long, but for you it was a whole year. You probably did lots of things.” Kara says and you agree with your head.

“Yeah, I guess.” You shrug. “I used to help mom Emma out with the saving, and oh, mom Regina helped me with my panic attacks. And I’m a lot better at controlling them! Henry and I used to watch this awesome TV show that I probably won’t ever know how it ends now. And grandma taught me archery.”

“Oh, that sounds-” Lena thinks about it for a second. “Fun.”

“Yeah. It was so great. And every night all of us would get together at Granny’s diner and talk about our days, and sometimes I would go hang out with Belle in the library, so I read all the books there. And if I had stayed a little bit longer and turned 18 there, then grandpa would’ve taught me how to use a gun.”

“A little bit? It would’ve been a whole other year!”

“For me, I guess.” You shrug again. “Just another week for you. And I would’ve been cursed anyway, so it wouldn’t feel so bad.”

“Wait. Wait. Wait.” Kara stops you, looking confused. “You wanted to stay?”

“No!” You think about it for a second. “Not stay. No. Just-you know-If I had perhaps stayed longer then yeah, it would’ve been fun to learn that.”

“You can learn how to use a gun here!” Kara says, and Lena furrows her brows.

“No, she can’t.” She looks at you. “No, you can’t. Maybe when you’re older.”

“Right. Moms wouldn’t let me touch a gun either.”

“We are your moms.” It’s out of Kara’s mouth like she hadn’t given much thought to it. But you know she has, because she looks stung. You’ve noticed how she flinched every time you referred to Regina and Emma as moms, but it’s out of your mouth before you can stop yourself to think about it. For a year that’s what you’ve been saying every day. It’s hard to call them just anything else. Almost disrespectful even. But you don’t want to make Kara and Lena upset, so you have to watch out for that.

You try to say something after that. But it’s like your mind keeps erasing itself. ‘Ok, fine, sorry, sure you are momma!’ are all things that almost make it out of your mouth. Instead, you settle for, “Can I have some M&M pancakes?”

“Sure, babygirl.” Lena gets up and gets behind the counter. You go back to your phone, too embarrassed to look at Kara again. She doesn’t say anything about it either.

You talk about other things. They tell you how crazy it was to find you, and what they did all week while you were gone. Apparently it was mostly crying and blaming themselves for your disappearance.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“To school. To see Jamie and Maya.”

“Where are your glasses?” Kara asks and you touch your face to realize that you haven’t been wearing them at all.

“Ugh.” You grunt and mumble right after. “I hate those stupid glasses. Can’t believe I have to wear them again.”

You run to your bedroom and find an old pair tossed around. Stupid disguise. Stupid glasses. Stupid secret identity.

“Ok. Can I go now?” You ask when you make it back to the living room.

Lena lets out a forced smile out of her lips, and Kara gives you the most awkward thumbs up in history. Well, there’s a lot to unpack there. So maybe leave it for later.

“Hey!”

“No way in hell!” It’s Jamie’s first response when she sees you in front of your old school. “You grew taller in a week?”

“Something like that.” You smile finally looking down on her. Rao, it feels so good to finally be taller than Jamie. You’ve been hearing about it for years! “Hey, babe.”

“Holy fuck, look at you!” Maya says with the biggest smile on her face. “I don’t see you for a week and you show up here looking like a superhero!”

“Well…” You give her a little side flirty smile. “Is that a good thing?”

“You look great, babe.” Maya’s arms go around your neck and she tiptoes to kiss your mouth. You hold her by the waist, making it easier for her to kiss you.

“God, I’ve missed kissing you.” You let out after you part your lips.

“It’s been a week, stop being so melodramatic.” Jamie rolls her eyes, and you smile, letting go of Maya to hug her too.

“I’ve missed you too, dipshit.”

“Oh.” Jamie lets out a surprised sound. “I guess you’re not so dramatic then.”

You want to tell them, right there, about how it was not just a week. About your different life in the past year. But the girls from your school who used to bully you pass right next to you, and your heart beats faster anticipating the teasing.

But they don’t say a thing. In fact, what they say after they pass you, and you catch using your super hearing, is that you must be a new student. You smile, relieved. Getting taller and cutting your hair. You wish you had known it would make your life a lot easier.

“Ice-cream?” You smile at them and get positive responses at that. Two hours with them and it feels like you’ve never left. Feels good to be with them. It makes you remember that even though your life in National City is not always easy, it’s still pretty great. And that you shouldn’t take that for granted.

You and Jamie walk Maya home, and you’re not even scared of her parents' reaction anymore. It’s not like they’ll recognize you, anyway. And later, you fly Jamie back to her house. You say a quick hello to Alex and Kelly, then fly back home.

“Hey.” You throw yourself on the couch between your moms, with a smile on your face. You look at the box of donuts in front of them, just sitting there waiting for you to arrive and your smile grows wider. “Sorry I was gone for a while. But can I make it up to you both with some hugs and forehead kisses?”

“Oh! Me first!” Kara asks and you smile, throwing your arms around her, and resting your chin on her shoulders.

“You’re my mommy. No one will ever take that away from you.” You whisper in her ear, and feel Kara’s body fully relax in your embrace, while she lets out a relieved sigh.

“I love you more than words can explain it, kid.” You smile and let her go a little, just to look into her eyes.

“I know the words.” You rest your forehead against hers and smile. “You’re my heart.”

“You’re my heart, little one.”

“Can I get a sweet moment like this too?” Lena asks and you chuckle, pulling her close for a tight hug.

“You also don’t have to worry about anyone taking your place.” You say softly in her ear. “You carried me inside of you for nine months, and I’ll carry you inside of me for the rest of my life.”

“Oh God.” Lena says, choking up and wetting the back of your t-shirt with her tears. “I swear this is the loveliest thing someone has ever told me.”

“It’s true.” You smile and kiss her forehead right after. “I love you mom.”

“Oh, I love you, babygirl.”

“And we’re stronger together.” You say, and feel their arms go around you at the same time, in a family hug.

Sure you will miss being called ‘honey’ and ‘sweetheart’, but nothing beats being called ‘little one’ and ‘babygirl’. And nothing ever will. National City may not make you feel as good as Storybrooke did, but the people here surely make up for that.

#supergirl #kara danvers #supercorp #supercorpfamily #lena luthor #supercorp daughter #kara x lena #kara x reader #supercorp fanfic #lena x reader #reader insert

[hollypies]

Hey kid, shitty relationships are full of contradictions, and sometimes it's tepting to try and forget the awful shit in favour of good moments. Which is fair because who doesn't want to focus on nicer stuff? But also like. Don't get tricked into feeling guitly for getting hurt and feeling bad and all. Or into thinking you owe someone respect because they're occasionally okay to be around.

My situation isn't nearly as bad as yours, but my siblings and i have issues with our mother, and although I'm old enough to leave, my siblings need me. We know she's "trying her best" and she's only human, but her "best" still results in us getting hurt and having to deal with her problems. The fact that she can be nice and give us chocolate + make us cool birthday cakes doesn't mean her transphobia, ablism, internalised misogyny, and controlling behaviour hasn't made our lives really hard at times. It gets confusing and i know what it's like to want to give the benefit of the doubt because it's not fun to really hate someone, especially when you live with them, and especially when they're the one who raised you. But however you feel about them in the moment, it's not about good people and bad people. It's about the fact that the environment being created is not good for you. The relationship as it exists right now is not good for you. People often hurt people because they were hurt - intentionally or not - but that doesn't excuse their behaviour. It's still bad for them to treat you bad, and it's still bad you now have to deal with it. You do not deserve this and you do not owe anyone any respect.

Anyway, I hope you're doing well rn. Sending good vibes your way. Hope you get good sleep and sweet dreams tonight. You shouldn't have to be, but you are strong enough to get through it and you will be alright <3

Hi. Oughs I slept well! My cat slept on my head which was funny. Woke up with cat fur in my face haha. She's a sweetheart.

Uhm yeah I. I know but if I focus on the bad I just its! A lot . An we have good moments and they're mt parents!! I dont want to upset them or view them negatively because.. well. They do care they do they. Care. It's not always great but. I know. Its not good .

It's not the best or a good . Place for me to be but it's all I have . I dont have irl friends or. Anyone to really talk to about this as they pulled me out of therapy because they didn't wanna keep paying for it. They know I feel reallt guilty when it comes to me an. Them paying for my medical stuff. So they . I dont wanna get into it but it involved gaslighting me so.

I've gotten good at lying anyway so as long as they think im fine then I'm ok. Because then they won't be . Telling me it's my fault. Even in vacation last year it was all my fault things were going bad. Tbh I wish I'd run off in Vegas while we were there

#holly answers #youve sent messages to me before an even though idk who you are i #i really really appreciate it. thank you i #i dont wanna start crying but. it means a lot to me it really really does #i uhm. i know i dont owe them. respect but. hhhhhh #they dont respect me or my . identity or limitations #i mean my mom told me that since im a lesbian an wont be having #grandchildren for her so. i owe her to take care of her when im. when shes old #which i dont owe her anything. but it feels lkke i do ig haha. i dont owe her children but she #thinks differently. and my dad i. hes blatantly transphobic an. stuff so i dont talk to him about these things

[sturchling]

Salt-Fic September Day 4: Breaking Point

Marinette was so excited. Valentine’s day was coming soon and it was always a lot of fun. The class always gave each other sweets and just had a fun day together. She spent the whole weekend bouncing ideas for what to do for the class off of Damian. Damian and Marinette had met when his family visited Paris about a year ago and they became close friends. Damian acted like he was irritated as Marinette came up with more ideas, but he was having fun as well. Marinette was so excited to see what the class had come up with to do on Valentine’s day. They were all supposed to discuss it on Monday, so they could have a plan by Valentine’s day on Friday. Marinette walked to school that Monday, excited with a head full of ideas on how to celebrate.

------------------ 

When it came time to discuss plans for Valentine’s, Marinette offered all of her suggestions on things they could do as a class. “Ok, anyone else have any suggestions?” The class all looked at each other. Alya stood up, “Listen Marinette, we were thinking we won’t do anything for Valentine’s this year. We just aren’t that excited about it this year. I hope you aren’t upset.” While Marinette was a bit upset, she could understand. “Don’t worry guys, its fine. We don’t have to do anything this year.” While Marinette had said it was fine, she spent the rest of the day feeling a little let down. But she would respect the class’ wishes and not force them to celebrate if they didn’t want to.

  ------------------

Despite her efforts to push her hurt feelings aside, when she spoke with Damian that night, he knew something was wrong. Marinette eventually told him what the class had said. “I know it is silly to be so upset over this. I just look forward to it every year.” Damian was never good at comforting people, but he did try his best. “I am sure you will still have a good Valentine’s day. It may not be what you had in mind, but I’m sure it will be fun.” Marinette gave him a week smile. “Thanks Damian.” They continued the conversation, and Marinette made a valiant effort, but it was clear that she was still upset. Damian didn’t like that at all and started making a plan.

  ------------------

That Friday, Marinette’s school was closed early for the holiday. When she got home, she found someone she wasn’t expecting. Damian was sitting in her living room, chatting with her family. Marinette stood by the door in stunned silence. Damian noticed her first, “Hello Marinette. How is your Valentine’s day going?” Marinette stammered, trying to answer him, “F-fine. What are you doing here?” Damian stood and walked to her. “While I don’t typically celebrate this holiday, it means a great deal to you. I saw how hurt you were when your friends didn’t want to celebrate, so I came to celebrate with you instead.” Marinette was ecstatic to say the least. Damian was happy to see Marinette smiling, knowing his plan had worked. “Now, as I recall, you wanted to go get some Andre’s ice cream with the class today. Let’s go get some.” With that, the two of them left to go get some ice cream.

  ------------------

Marinette and Damian were passing the park on their way to get ice cream, when they saw it. The entire class. In the park. Celebrating Valentine’s day together. They were exchanging sweets and presents and having a great time. There was music, decorations, and even a cake. They were having a class Valentine’s party without Marinette. Marinette was beyond hurt, but clung to the hope that it had just been a mistake. Damian saw the hurt on Marinette’s face and was furious with these people before he even met them. Marinette walked towards her class, and everyone in the class seemed shocked to see her.

  ------------------

Marinette felt a pit in her stomach as she got to her class, asking, “Hey guys, what’s going on? Did I miss an announcement? I thought we weren’t doing anything this year?” The class looked at each other with guilty faces. Alya was the first to respond. “You didn’t miss anything…” Marinette had a growing sense of dread and hurt as she asked, “Then what happened? You guys said you didn’t want to celebrate this year.” Alix spoke up, as the class began to look more confident. “Its not that we didn’t want to celebrate. Its that we didn’t want to celebrate with you. With how you have been treating Lila, it wouldn’t have been any fun having both of you here. And since you are the one being cruel to Lila, it didn’t make sense to have Lila miss the party.” Rose still looked guilty, and she walked closer to Marinette. “I’m sorry about this Marinette. There is some candy over there that none of us want. You can have it if you like, but you need to go. You are kind of crushing the mood.” Lila started to wail about how this was all her fault that Marinette was hurt, but Marinette couldn’t hear her. Everything around her had gotten quiet. Her friends had chosen not to invite her. They left her out on purpose. Marinette was beyond hurt; she was heartbroken. She turned and fled from the park.

  ------------------

Damian watched as Marinette raced from the park. He glared at the class one more time, and wished he was able to stay and make them pay for hurting Marinette. But Marinette needed someone, and he had to find her. She had told him about Hawkmoth, so he knew Marinette could be in major trouble right now. He ran to follow her and it wasn’t long before he found her. She was crouched in an alley, sobbing. He started to go to her, to try and comfort her, when he saw a purple butterfly reach her first.

  ------------------

Marinette wasn’t aware of what was going on around her. She knows she stopped running and is crouched somewhere. She knows she is crying. She felt like she was underwater. She was disoriented and felt sick. Lila had won. She had got her friends to leave her. Her friends chose Lila over her. She was vaguely aware of someone running towards her, but she didn’t know who it was. Then she felt a strange feeling wash over her. The sadness she had been feeling multiplied and it was all she could feel anymore. “Heartbreaker, I am Hawkmoth. Your friends abandoned you and broke your heart. I’m giving you the power to break their hearts in return. All I ask is that you bring me Ladybug and Chat Noir’s miraculous. Do we have a deal?” Marinette still had enough awareness to pull off her earrings and give them to the person standing next to her, which she could now see was Damian. He looked at her in horror as a wave of dark energy enclosed her. “Yes Hawkmoth.”

Hope you guys like it, let me know what you think! @maribat-central-official

Part 2

#saltfic september #salt september #salt #ml #ml salt #ml salt fic #ml salt fanfic #ml class #ml class salt #class salt #lila rossi #lila salt #lila salt fic #miraculous ladybug #miraculous fanfic #miraculous fic #miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir #miraculous salt fanfic #miraculous salt fic #miraculous salt #ml x dc #miraculous x dc #maribat

[dendotdrabbles]

when i write stuff for the skelebros, i like to use House on lane 66 rules for magic, because i think they're fun. here are my hcs for the skelebros magic colors and smells (and bonus Dusks :])

-the dusks dont have multiverse names yet, so bear with me <3

Undertale Skelebros!

-Classic Sans' magic is prussian blue, and smells like fresh linen. i feel like if you were to kiss him, he'd taste like the smell of warm, fresh linen. if that makes sense? he really loves naps, ok?

-Papyrus (universe nickname is Paprika) his magic is orange (duh) and while i love Lane 66's idea that his magic smells like oatmeal cookies, i think he sees himself as a very energetic tough guy!! so i think his magic would smell like fresh cut grass. if you kissed him, he tastes very herbal. i think he'd joke about his kisses being good for your health. it just feels right.

-Dusk is a patience soul with an integrity twin, which lightens the cyan of patience into a nice sky blue, and their magic smells like coffee. they are a very hardworking person who gets shit done, and likes to have a nice cup of coffee while they work.

(since hybrid magic is purely based on the soul, the color of their magic reflects the state of their soul as well. meaning that all dusks have similar colored magic, due to their almost identical souls. )

Underswap Skelebros!

-Blue. i got tired of the infantilized ideas of blue and classic paps, and i think you can tell. in my brain, Blue's magic is electric blue, and smells like rain. if you kissed him, he'd taste like petrichor.

-Stretch! look, i know we love a sassy skele, but i feel like Stretch is very sweet at heart, he is a papyrus after all. they all had once truly believed that anyone can be a good person, even if that ideal is warped now. anyways, Stretch's magic is amber in color, and smells like dandelions. i bet he'd taste a little floral if you kissed him.

- Swap Dusk is still pretty hardworking, but pushed their efforts in a different direction, instead of leadership, they became an influencer (and they hate it, it feels like lying, but they're trying to sway the people into voting for them) their soul is more patient then their counterparts, leaving them a seafoam blue with magic that smells like Eucalyptus

Underfell skelebros!

-Red. we all know that he's a big ol softie under that gruff exterior, and i think he knows that too. but he doesn't think he's worthy because of the bad things he's done in the past, which is why i think his magic smells like burnt marshmallows. also its red, ofc. i don't think i've seen a fell sans who's magic isn't red.

-Edge! we know him, we love our little tsundere, and i think his magic is blood orange and smells like gunpowder. i think it'd be that color because he feels incredibly guilty for all the lives he's taken, as much as he tries to hide it. i remember a fic I'd read where (i think it was a swapfell fic actually) mutt had drawn every person he'd killed so he wouldn't forget their faces. i think Edge does something similar. not sure what yet tho. maybe he writes letters to them, never to be sent.

-Fell Dusk. they are the General, leader of their district and protector of their people no matter the cost of personal relations. they must be strong and logical at all times, making their soul a shade closer to integrity than the Tale version, a nice cerulean blue with magic that smells like peppermint. sharp and eye watering if used correctly.

Swapfell

-Nox. i feel like his magic is royal purple, and smells like disinfectant. i feel like hes a neat freak because he wants to have control over something in his life, so he cleans nearly obsessively and his magic shows that. i feel like Mutt teases him about it "you clean so much that even your magic is clean!" and Nox doesn't realize he's teasing? so he's all proud of himself. very cute, can you tell i love the swapfell brothers?

- Mutt! or Rus. either or. anyways, his magic is Mulberry in color and smells like cinnamon. where as Lane 66's Mutt smells like cloves (which is a VERY powerful smell, i feel like its very bold and the cloves reflect that version of mutt perfectly) my characterization of mutt isn't as bold, he's more shy around people that aren't his brother or other trusted person, which is why i think cinnamon suits him more than cloves. still "spicy" but more toned down.

-Swapfell Dusk is known as the Guardian, they are not the leader (yet) but are in charge of protecting and providing for everyone, creating a safe space for their people to thrive. ironically, swapfell dusk's soul is the closet to tale's in shade, being a baby blue in color, and their magic smelling like burnt jasmine.

Horrortale

-Bear. we love our boy, but he is very tired and very scared, even if he doesn't show it. his magic is slate grey (with a blue-ish tinge. very subtle tho) and his magic smells like charcoal

-Cook. very sweet soul, in a bad environment which forced him to do bad things to survive. his magic is rust colored, and smells like old books. i feel like when he's overwhelmed or having to do something he doesn't want to do, he retreats into his mind, and pretends he's reading a very scary book.

-Horrortale Dusk is a very sad sight, someone who was once so calm and put together falling apart when their twin and children were killed. they protect their last two loved ones with their life, having no regard for their own safety, and if it came down to it would become their dinner willingly if it meant their survival. since the integrity twin was killed, dusk is nothing but corrupt patience now, their soul being a sickly pale blue and magic smelling like smoke

House on Lane 66 belongs to @oolongteacup426

highly recommend!! its such a great fic <3

#underswap sans #undertale sans #undertale papyrus #underswap papyrus #underswap #underfell sans #underfell papyrus #swapfell sans #swapfell papyrus #horrortale sans #horrortale papyrus #headcanons #undertale oc

[ynisamenace]

 Party For One

Warnings: sub! Aone being a flustered mess, confident dom! Reader, nsfw kinda (grinding, not pg-13 kissing), mention of drugs and alcohol, college au! Aone.

Word count: 2.3k

a/n: ok guys this is my first fanfic so apologies if it’s not too good or if the ending is too rushed. Constructive criticism is always welcome and pls don’t forget to like and/or reblog. Thank you!

Aone was not much of a party goer. Although his friends were more outgoing, he in fact was not. He was more of a homebody, mostly leaving his shared apartment with Kenji for school, to get more ramen from the corner shop near his uni or practice with his newly-formed volleyball team; courtesy of his newly-formed friend, Kanji. Then proceeding to come home to shower, nap, wake up, struggle with his homework and then sleep till the next day. He was about to start the fourth activity of his daily routine when the sound of the doorbell rang through the apartment.

Sighing, he left his spot at the kitchen island to open the front door, then trying to close it once Kanji’s face appeared behind it.

“Woah woah if you wanted some alone time, you should’ve just said that”, the cat-faced friend exclaimed, just barely slipping through the crack in the door. Face adorned with brown freckles and a smile seemingly super glued to his face, he looked like the poster boy of golden retriever boys, “Wouldn’t matter anyway since I’m still dragging you to Sugawara’s tonight.”

Ah yes, Suga’s party, the one Aone was being forced to go to as a favour for his new friend. The white haired boy uttered a grunt of disapproval as Kanji plopped down onto his couch.

“I’m telling you man, when girls see us walking in together with my beauty and your scowl-,” he smirked while giving Aone a once over, “-they’ll come flocking like parakeets.” Aone ignored his new friend’s rambling and was about to go back to his homework when his phone buzzed. Picking it up and looking at his crush’s name made him do a double take before realizing it was from his class groupchat.

Y/n❤: Someone better come pick me up or else I’m dumping the mary jane😤

Sugawara: You live on campus, how did you sneak it in?

Y/n❤: Come pick me up and I’ll tell you

Bsf/n: I can see I’m gonna be on y/n duty tonight. I’ll come get you in 5

Y/n❤: Girl I’ll literally marry you don’t play with me

                                         -5 minutes later-

Y/n❤: Psa to everyone in this groupchat, bsf/n and I are married now

Bsf/n: As long as you do my makeup for the party lol

Y/n❤: Deal

A slightly dejected sigh left the tall boy’s lips, wishing it was him y/n would joke about marrying to the- wait party?? The realization that y/n was going to the same party as him made heart race with anticipation and although he never talked to her in any of the classes they shared, Aone developed a massive crush on y/n just by seeing the way she interacts with others as well as her personality. Her presence when she walks into a room, beautiful coily/kinky hair either flowing or in a different ‘protective style’ (which Aone ended up googling the meaning to) and her face adorned with a smile so bright, he could feel his ears getting hotter just by its look, it would be foolish to think that no other person in his uni or elsewhere had already snatched her up. Which is why Aone never felt the need to let her know about how much he was falling for her.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of his roommate’s door opening, revealing a clearly tipsy Kenji trying and failing to button up the last button on his silk shirt.

“Is anyone g-gonna help or what..” he slurred, stumbling into the living room, planting himself right in front of Aone who begrudgingly helped him with the last button. Satisfied, the intoxicated boy walks over to Kanji on the couch who’s currently scrolling through his instagram feed. He gives Kenji a once over before giving a nod of approval to his outfit. He turns to the tall, white haired boy, “Aone go change, the party starts in 10 and you know it’ll take us half an hour to get there!”, he exclaimed gesturing to Aone with his hands in a shooing manner. He didn’t understand what was wrong with his gray shirt and black sweatpants but went to his room to go change anyway, returning six minutes later sporting a green and white checkered shirt with dark blue jeans and black levis. The trio hurriedly leave their apartement, Kanji practically dragging both boys to his car before appointing Aone as the designated driver as the boy was the only one who had no intention to drink at the party.

The ride to the party took much more than half an hour as Aone was forced to drive while simultaneously trying to stop the two boys at the back from drinking any more of the pregame Kanji brought as well as preventing Kenji from messing with the aux cord. In the end, both boys settled on playing Ei8th mile on repeat the rest of the drive, both alternating between rapping DigDat and Aitch’s lines. Finally getting to the address Sugawara sent to the group, the trio hopped out of the car and went to knock on the door, opening to reveal the silver haired boy in all his glory wearing a burger king crown and a drunk smile.“You guys look li-hiccup-ke you had a fun drife here”, opening the door wider to reveal flashing red and purple strobe lights, living room filled with drunk and soon-to-be drunk college students and a hiphop song playing with a loud base that almost made Aone’s teeth clink. The two drunk boys wasted no time heading to the make shift bar in the kitchen, Aone following reluctantly behind feeling quite awkward in the party setting. Even worse, he was unable to spot y/n in the crowd making his heart drop lower into his stomach.

 No no no no. 

Even though Aone didn’t think y/n would like him the way he likes her, he was hoping he could at least use this party to make himself known to her, maybe forming a friendship with her first before professing his love. Dejectedly, he trudges to the bar, sulking next to his now very drunk friends who are far more interested with the designs on the kitchen counter. 

“Dude it’s so swirly…how do they make it like that?” one of the boys asks.

“Bro it has to be like a top secret thing. Like in the dark web,” the other replied, his eyes widening as his pupils are blown out more.

Not wanting to deal with their drunk conspiracies, Aone heads to the store room in search for some water after not seeing any laid out. Finding a bottle, he quickly gulps it down, faintly hearing the song in the living room change to one with a much deeper base. Leaving the store with his thirst finally quenched, he recognizes the song as Cold by Rico Nasty, her gravely voice echoing around the living room and drowning out some of the chatter which Aone was grateful for.

Ridin’ in a Maserati

Like Scotty I’m with two hotties

I ain’t just walk in the party-

“I brought the drugs to the partyyyy”, a voice which made Aone’s heart beat faster screamed, Y/n bursting through the front door with a medium sized pack of marijuana and a tray of what he assumes are pot brownies as the crownd cheered at her arrival. Her eyes wide with excitement, hair in cute little bantu knots (which Aone noted is now probably his favourite hairstyle on her), and dazzling smile still glued to her face. Making a bee line to the kitchen to drop the stuff she was holding, she hugged and greeted the people closest to her, making Aone regret not standing closer to the front door before realizing she was making her way straight to him.“Hi Polar Bear!” her scent of f/p enveloping him as she hugged his stomach, hair right next to nose, making the boy short-circuit. Y/n is hugging me. Me. Hugging. She smells so good. I should probably hug her back. But what if that’s weird. Hugging me. I’m gonna marry her. I’m gonna throw u-

“Takanobu woohoo you good?” she whispered in neck, drawing him out of his daydream, while at the same time making blood rush to his lower region. His eyes widen as he turns to see her staring right at him, inches apart and eyes questioning.

“I-I’m doing well y/n, um you uh look great tonight”, he managed to blurt out, his compliment making her lips curve into that signature smile. He unconsciously let out a low groan as he felt his jeans tighten even more as his mind raced a mile a minute, envisioning her on top of him, smile turning into a smirk as she runs her hands over his body making him squirm. His neck, his nipples, his happy trail, his-

Once again brought out of his daydream, he looked around to see y/n already gone and dancing in the living room, her presence making her look ethereal in the flashing lights. Smiling slightly, Aone deciding to stop before his imagination made him cream in his pants, decided to go look for his friends spotting both of them laying near a potted plant in the hallway caressing the leaves and muttering under their breaths. He discreetly goes back to the store, getting two bottles of water and placing them on either side of his friends, knowing they’ll be shocked at it ‘appearing’.

Sighing tiredly, he briefly thinks of just driving back to his apartment having already seen his crush and hugged her, but decided against it not wanting to feel guilty for abandoning his intoxicated friends. He was about to go to the backyard looking for some fresh air before he heard his name being said in the crowd. Turning around too quickly he bumped into someone, gripping their waist and letting their scent envelop him before he caught a glimpse of their hair. 

Yes yes God yes

“Nobu I’m so sorry, I was trying to get your attention but you didn’t turn around!” y/n exclaimed, gripping his shirt making the boy realize his grip on her waist was tightening significantly. He quickly tried to let go but y/n wasn’t having any of it and planted his large palm on her backside, squeezing a little. Aone’s face had never been as red as it is now from that simple action. Clearing his throat, he gives a tentative squeeze to gauge her reaction and seeing the smirk on her face as her pupils darken. She finally releases her grip on his hand and turns to the dance floor, Aone follow behind.

 As they reach the dance floor, afrobeats fill the air as joro by wizkid which Aone knew was one of y/n’s favourite songs) plays turning the energy of the party to a slower tempo. Y/n turns to the tall boy, once more putting his hands on her waist, before pulling him closer to her, their bodies now pressed against eachother.

Aone can feel her grinding on his pants and begs to any God who’ll listen to please not let him pop a boner right now. Her mouth comes closer to his ear and he can feel her breath making shivers run down his spine. “I could feel it you know…” she whispers as his eyes widen, embarrassment from though him as he realizes she felt the first boner he popped while hugging her in the kitchen “…didn’t peg you as the type. What a pervert you are Nobu.”   

That small gesture almost made Aone cream in his pants. Almost. If not for the overwhelming shame he would feel if someone saw him, his dick was already as hard as can be. A murmur left Aone’s lips and y/n has to strain her neck to hear him over the sound of the music flowing through the house.

“What was that Nobu?”

“P-plea-ase,” he whispers, ears a bright shade of red as y/n smirks looking him in the eye to see his pupils blown out, clouded with lust and feeling his member poking her in the thigh.

“Please what Nobu?” their lips almost touching.

“..Please kiss me”

“That’s all you had to say ya damn polar bear”, finally pressing her lips on his and making the butterflies in his stomach turn into fireworks. He really couldn’t believe it. His head felt like it was about to burst from all the blood that rushed into it. Her lips felt so much better, so much better than his imagination. Her hands sliding up to his neck and slipping into the hair on the nape of his neck, he uttered a low groan giving access to y/n to slip her tongue onto his. Aone could feel his precum dampening his briefs and hoped that a dark spot wouldn’t be visible by the end of the night. She tried to break the kiss, his head leaning closer not letting her go until she tugged hard on his nape hair forcefully, a string of saliva still connecting them.

“What a needy boy”, she smirked, letting go of him to swipe at the corner of his lips. “Why didn’t I come speak to you earlier?”, he didn’t care because for him, this really was worth the wait.

 Aone was not much of a party goer, but he’d have to thank his friends in the morning for forcing him to go to this one.

Tags: @itzgabz22

#aone x reader #dom!reader #haikyuuxblackreader! #aone x y/n #haikyuu!! #blackreader! #sub!aone #ceowrites

[justatidalwaveoffeelings]

Ok, so I don't write. I have never written a fanfic. This doesn't have a name and it's probably poorly written. It's Rachel's point of view around the time of Cammie's second kidnapping attempt. I was bored and I had this idea stuck in my head so here it is. I debate not even posting it but what the hey🤷🏼‍♀️

@averagejoesolomon you totally got me hooked on the Rachel only calls Matt, Matthew. So all the credit to you on that one!

This whole thing is basically read at your own risk. Haha

Just like that, what she had left of her world was crumbling. It happened so quickly. Rachel hadn't seen what had happened. She just knew that one moment she had been talking to Cynthia McHenry and the next she felt her instincts as an operative hit her like a swift punch to the gut.

Something was wrong. She looked around the ballroom looking for Cammie but she didn't see her. She didn't see any of her freinds or even that Goode boy. Never one to be dissuaded from her mission, she  decided to look for Abby. She at least she might know where her neice was.

As much as her sister annoyed her, she was happy to have her back in her life. However temporary it might be. She was aware how an operative's life gets crazy. She knew her sister was dedicated but she didn't know how far they would be pulled apart when she stepped out of the field after Matthew's passing. They had just recently talked about why there hadn't been much contact between the two of them in recent years. Why Abby had walked farther away from Rachel and Cammie and deeper into her various covers. Rachel knew the guilt the came with losing Matthew. The countless nights that kept her up thinking about what might have happened if she told if him to stay home. If she had pulled the "wife card" and asked him not to keep secrets. She knew that Abby had been hurt. Rachel had never lived through anything harder. It didn't surprise her that everyone else who also loved him felt the same. When he died there was a very real whole in each of their hearts. She had suspected Abby just didn't know how to miss Matthew with her. After all, her sister had never been one to grieve in front of others. Rachel hadn't know just how deep routed her sister's guilt and regret had dragged her. Rachel regretted not going to get her baby sister back sooner after Matthew's passing but she hadn't wanted to press Abby too hard in a time of grief for both of them.

Now, if only she could FIND HER.  Her sister always had a knack for being where she wasn't supposed be. So, if Rachel could think if the most inconvenient spot for someone to be she might find her.

When she had finished looking around the ballroom the hair on the back of her neck started to stand on end. She felt a cold sweat start. Her blouse was too tight. She pulled at her collar and silently chastised herself being so obviously uncomfortable. Rachel wanted to tell her instincts to shut up, that nothing was wrong. She knew better though, something was off.

She felt eyes. She pretended to check her make-up in a small compact while checking behind her. She locked on a familiar pair of green eyes staring back at her. Of course he was there. She had just checked the whole room and hadn't spotted him once. If Joe was about to poke fun about her being off now was not the time. When she turned to face him she realized that he wore an expression just as grim as her own.

"You got the same sick feeling in your gut?"

Before she could respond something seemed to dawn on Joe.

"Where's Cammie, Rachel?"

"I don't know. I've been looking for her, or her roommates. Even Abby."

"Zach". Joe mumbled the boy's name. "He's probably with her, right? Did you see them slip out?"

"No, well maybe, but if I knew that I wouldn't be so gosh darn worried now would I, Joseph?!" She hadn't meant to snap but she was feeling worse by the second. Now her instincts seemed to be at work on her stomach.

When the shot went off they didn't question where it had come from. They didn't need to wait for some sort of command. Old habits did truly die hard.  They were across the ballroom in seconds. Not drawing the attention of a single onlooker. They slipped out the back door into a dark ally. The Circle. They were there. Beside her Joe started to speak into thier comms unit. There was a big problem. Rachel looked for Cammie. She was being snagged back down the ally, toward the safety of the door by Zach. Neirher of them was bleeding. She was able to breath agian. The bullet could have been a warning shot. It didn't feel that way though. Where did it land?

She brought herself back to the scene. They were after her daughter and she had to protect her daughter. The kids were fighting like operatives. That was something the headmistress in her couldn't have missed and was quietly proud of. Now only if they could all get out of it. Other gallagher girls rushed out beside her, ready for the fight, ready to protect Cammie.

The second that Rachel could she ran at Cam. Yelling Cammie's name she threw herself against her daughter, deeper into the shadows of other gallagher girls. Farther into safety. Only after the immediate securing of Cammie did Rachel realize that people were still screaming. It was Macey standing over.....

Abby. Abby. Abigail. She knew Cammie was secured. Joe would help make sure of it. She needed to get to her sister. She needed to help her sister. She was bleeding from the shoulder, there was so much blood pooling beneath her. Rachel couldn't breathe. She couldn't catch her breathe. Rachel had always been cool under fire; a natural operative. This felt so different. The operative in her was mad for missing the fight. For not getting there in time. The mother in her was scared and hurting for her daughter. The sister in her felt cheated and so very crushed. She couldn't lose Abby on top of everything else. Her heart beat to one terrible pulse-  She was not ready to lose anymore family. She dropped to her knees beside her sister. She didn't know if she had told Macey to go back to her roommates but she got up and walked away. Rachel pressed some leather jacket into her sister's wound. She didn't realize that she was crying until she saw her own tears falling on Abby's face. Rachel was screaming. She really. couldn't. breath. She heard screaming and crying in the background. Cammie. She couldn't take this or rather she didn't want to. Her sister way dying in front of her and her daughter was being emotionally tormented. She debating getting up, but she couldn't stop crying. She didn't want Cammie to see her so emotionally distraught and she couldn't bring herself to her feet. Cammie would have to be strong.

Joe was on the seeminly knew what she was thinking because instead of coming toward Abby he commanded the women around Cammie. Keeping her safe. Cammie's sobbing became softer. Rachel's didn't.

She didn't get up when the paramedic team arrived. She wasn't going to leave Abby. She couldn't lose her. She didn't feel like a good operative in control. She felt like a big sister, weak from all that crying. She felt Joe behind her. Pulling her up from her knees. Trying to tell her to let go of Abby's hand. She forced Joe to let go of her arms. Desperate to be the one who fixed it. To do something, anything. All she could do was tell the medic what she saw, and tell Abby that she was going to be ok.

When she turned back around he was there. Teary but not crying yet.

"She's strong. She'll pull through". He tried to reassure her but his voice shook. His hand on her arm felt unsteady. Joe never cried. It was going to be a long night. She had to keep busy. She went to check on her daughter. She couldn't lose any more of her family. 

Rachel saw the footage. She knew in that it all happened in a few minutes. It felt like this night would never end. She watched that security footage obsessively outside of her office, sitting on the corridor floor with her head on the wall, right underneath Gilligan's sword. Cavan's sword. Maybe Abby was right. They should have thrown it in the lake. Her daughter was asleep inside her office, away from danger for now. Abby was in surgery. Abby might of died. Abby could still die. Every time she let herself linger on that fact she felt like crying all over again. So, she didn't let herself think of it. She watched the security clip again waiting and watching for a clue. Something. She couldn't truly focus on it though. She was too tired or emotionally distraught. It didn't matter the reason, she knew that a truly great operative had to know when to wave her white flag. In that moment she didn't even feel a little guilty about turning off the video.

Joe stepped out of her office. She did a double take, the last time she had seen him look that way was the night he told her about Matthew. He had been crying. Joe Solomon does not cry. There he was though. He face was streaked eith tears and his shoulders shook slightly. She braced herself for the worse but he just stood there. He looked awful. She moved forward to give him a hug. She couldn't help herself, she started crying again too. Rachel hated to cry in front of anyone but she figured that this secret was safe with him, just like any of the other she had shared with him.  She was thankful that she had a freind in him. Thankful that someone else loved Cammie and was willing to fight for her. 

After a moment they separated and sat down on the corridor floors.

"I'm so sorry Rachel. I'm so so sorry."

"For what?"

"For everything."

"Joe. After everything that's happened tonight, we are not going over this again..  Its not your fault". Joe started to cry again. Rachel hadn't seen Joe cry so much. She couldn't resist asking him

"What?"

He looked at her pitifully. "You don't know whats my fault, belive me. I.... I think you should think it's my fault."

She wasn't suprised that he was saying these things. She knew of course that he felt guilty. Matt went on the mission he was supposed to. She just wished that he didn't get so hung up on it.

He continued "This never would have happened if Matt were here. He would have taken care of it, you know?"

Of course she didn't know that to be true but she had felt it as well. She didn't want to dwell on what it could have been so she told him that they didn't know that. That he couldn't control who the director sent on that mission. The circle might have come after Cammie even if Matt was alive. Matthew was just a human being, who made mistakes. They didn't know if Matthew being alive would change everything. Joe didnt seem convinced though and Rachel couldn't blame him. It was well worn territory in a familiar conversation. They didnt truly fight, but when it came to blame about Matthews death they didn't exactly see eye to eye. Rachel thought about Matt. It struck her though that as bad as it was at times it could also be worse. Rachel thought about losing Cammie or Abby or even Joe and shuddered. She didn't want to lose anymore family.

She tried to reassure him

"Hey, it will be ok. We will take care of it together ok? We'll all take care of one another. We will do the best we can. Just promise me we will try. Ok?"

Joe had stopped crying but his attention seemed to be drifting.

"I'll try...ok?" It sounded so defeated. Rachel didn't want to press him further. Everyone had already had such a rough night. She let the conversation go until he quipped.

"I feel like I should be telling you these things."

They couldn't help each giving a small laugh

They sat there. They waited for a doctor to come tell them that Abby would make it. They sat and waited for Cammie to wake up. Theorized ways to keep her out of harms way. They talked about surviving. All of them. Together.

Rachel rested in knowing that at least for that day. She wasn't losing any more family. 

#gallagher girls #rachel morgan #joe solomon #cammie morgan #zach goode #ally carter #matthew morgan #fanfic