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catsgut · 5 months

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uhmm so… you asked for more scumbag!toji… i just… fucking his enemy’s (gojo’s) sister on gojo’s bed??? i’m sorry i’m thinking with my 😺 rn… even better if shes a virgin

THIS IS SO GOOD(ノ ̿ ̿ᴥ ̿ ̿)ノ you’re so smart hehe…. i made this kinda long? bc it was sm fun to write also i luv my baby so much i gotta treat her <3

warnings: drugs, geto and gojo are sleezey, toji is.. scummy, loss of virginity, SPITTTTT, dubcon kinda, size kink galore, blood, rough sex, UMMM INCEST SORTA HELLOOOOOOOOO

honestly, you didn’t care for your brother very much. he was condescending and didn’t have very good morals. you could tell his priorities were all wrong and twisted, but it was him or your parents, and you’d take satoru any day. at least he didn’t put almost impossible expectations on you. in fact, the only things he expected if you was to cover your share of rent and buy groceries.

and geto was nice enough. he, for some reason, was always up early enough to talk to you before you went to class. the conversations were normal for the most part, but the loud moans coming from his bedroom most nights were enough to keep you permanently pissed off at him. he seemed to think it was funny, constantly teasing you about how good he made “that bitch” feel. you couldn’t deny he was attractive, but he teased you too much to give it any thought.

you still went to college and tried your best to set yourself up for success, but it was hard when you had to come home to your man child brother and his equally immature roommate. the house constantly smelled like weed and you were worried it would stick to your clothes. you didn’t want anyone to get a bad impression of you, but of course that was impossible when satoru was your brother.

you knew they made most of their money through selling drugs, but you had no idea the extent to it. it wasn’t that they didnt want you to know, you were just always horded up in your bedroom whenever you weren’t in class. not once had you ever come out while they had people over, not wanting to have to hold a conversation with your brothers brain dead friends.

but tonight you just really had to use the bathroom. you tried your best to hold it, sucking the end of your pen and you tried putting your focus on studying, but as the time ticked on your bladder slowly started burning.

“fuck,” you groaned. maybe you could sneak into the bathroom without being noticed, so you put your house slippers on and slowly opened your door a crack. you could see geto sitting on the love seat facing another man sitting on the couch opposite of him. you hadn’t ever seen him before, but by the look of his back you could tell he was very big. his hair was dark and shoulders broad. they were talking in quiet voices, but the man sounded annoyed. you could slightly make out your brothers name being said in an aggravated tone.

tiptoeing into the hallway, you hurried into the bathroom and quietly shut the door. you didn’t know why your heartbeat was beating so hard, but nonetheless you were glad you made it into the bathroom unnoticed. you did your business and combed your fingers through your hair. looking into the mirror, you saw you looked tired with bags under your eyes. probably from all the sleepless nights studying.

quietly, you opened the bathroom door hoping they were still occupied with talking. not seeing anyone, you opened it fully and stepped out. you thought you were in the clear before you heard a voice.

“y/n?” geto called out from the living room, dread filling your body. shit. they never made you talk to any of the guests they invited over, so why now of all times? “yeah?” you called out, voice sounding small as you walked into the living room. the man was now facing you and you could make out a scar on his lips. he was handsome for sure, but looked scary, someone you should stay away from— you couldn’t help but feel butterflies in your tummy.

“yeah, geto?” you asked again looking over at your roommate. he smiled sweetly, something that always threw you off. “have you heard from your brother at all? he owes toji here a lot of money, but we can’t seem to get a hold of him.”

you rolled your eyes. that sounded like satoru. “um he’s probably with a girl or somethin’,” you rubbed your clothed foot against your ankle.

“that’s too bad,” you heard geto say, but you weren’t really listening. looking back over at the man you saw he was no longer looking at you. you were able to get a better view of him, seeing just how big he was. his tight black shirt hugged his body nicely and he was pairing it with some grey sweatpants. his legs were spread out and part of you wished you were between him.

you looked back over at geto and saw he was grinning. he gestured over to toji with his eyes and winked. you could feel your face heating up in embarrassment. “well i have a paper to write… so uh goodnight.” you looked back to toji and smiled politely before going back into the safety of your bedroom.

that night when you laid in your bed, you couldn’t stop thinking about toji. he looked exactly like the type of man you should stay away from, but it was that very reason that had you grinding down on your pillow that night.

a couple days had past and you hadn’t heard from your brother. this wasn’t uncommon as he liked to lay low when someone was searching for him, so you brushed it off thinking it was just your brother being the typical asshole he was. geto seemed to be gone a lot, too. that was more uncommon, but non of your business. it was actually nice to have the house to yourself for once. you got some cleaning done and even got all caught up on homework.

you were currently sitting on the couch scrolling through your phone when there was a loud knock on the door. it startled you, but you got up to open it anyway thinking one of them misplaced their key (something that happened often.) what you weren’t expecting to see was an angry looking toji. “c-can um i help you?” you tried to sound nice but it just came out frightened.

“no, but gojo can. he home?” his voice was low and you wondered if satoru had really fucked up this time. this time you tried to muster up all your confidence saying “no, he isn’t home. you can go now,” but that only seemed to annoy him even more.

he shoved past you, yelling your brothers name. the sudden action made you stumble back in fear of what he was going to do to. you didn’t have it in you to fight back only telling him again that he wasn’t here.

“well i guess ill hang around till he gets back. your brother owes me money an’ im not leavin’ till i get somethin’.” he sat his large body on the couch and sighed. you watched him close his eyes and cross his arms as if he was going to sleep.

“would you like something to drink?” you didn’t know why you were trying to be nice to him after he clearly invited himself inside, but you couldn’t help but want his attention. not saying a word, his eyes opened and stared at you. “we have water and um juice.”

toji continued to stare at you only he was smiling now. it didn’t look friendly, but that feeling in the pit of your stomach slowly started to return. “how about you hang out with me over here,” he suggested, beckoning you one with his ring and middle finger. you didn’t understand, but he was making a motion that looked similar to fingering a girl.

nervously, you went over and sat next to him. despite the uneasy feeling you were getting, this was the most exciting thing you’ve done in a long time. you’ve never been this close to a man like him. the way he stared down at you made you feel small.

“man you’re cute, you sure you’re gojo’s sister?” he smiled and for a second he looked kind. you giggled nervously at his question feeling your face heat up. “um thank you.” the tension in the air was thick and you weren’t sure if you could keep this up. you knew it was wrong to let a man talk to you like this, but you were too scared to do anything about it. if anything, you wanted more.

“my brother might not be home for a while.” you heard yourself say while fidgeting with your fingers. “you can still um.. stay here though.” closing your eyes, you could feel his hot breath on the side of your face. it didn’t smell the best, but the wet patch growing in your panties distracted you.

“i don’t mind spendin’ some time with you, little girl.” you gulped and looked back up to his to see his face was only a couple inches from yours. you could understand that you brother absolutely did not like this man, but that didn’t stop you from closing your eyes when toji leaned in. you opened your mouth obediently, letting his big tongue dig around in it.

toji chuckled at your inexperience and grabbed at your thighs. they were squeezed together, trying desperately to get some friction. “damn you’re a little slut,” he groaned into your mouth. “lettin’ a stranger touch you like this.”

you whimpered when you felt his fingers get tangled in your hair. you couldn’t lie that this was exciting. for once in your life you felt so good doing something so bad. this man could be anyone, could do anything to you, but you were counting on it. in this moment, he could be a murderer and you would spread your little legs for him.

your tongue was hanging out from between your lips, drool dripping onto your lap. toji was kissing and biting the skin on your neck, one hand in your hair and the other lifting one of your legs to your chest. he leaned down to peak under your skirt and you watched him grin.

you brought your hands up to cover your face when toji got down on his knees and spread your legs. he pressed his tongue against your panties and sucked harshly. you peeked at him through your fingers, eyes wide in pleasure.

your fingers could never make you feel this good. your whole pussy was now on toji’s mouth. he was being so nasty the way his saliva soaked your panties.

“u-um can we go to the bed… please?” the thought of geto coming home and seeing you like this made you shiver. you would never be able to live it down.

“anything f’this pussy,” he laughed and scooped you up by your armpits. he carried you down the hallway with ease and into a random room. you instantly recognized it at satoru’s, but toji didn’t seem to care. his shirt was already off by the time he set you down and that was enough for you not to care either.

“look at you turnin’ into such a little whore.” you lifted your tank top over your tits to show him your lacey bra. trying your best to look seductive, you pulled your panties halfway down your thighs. toji didn’t seem to care about your little performance, though, instead forcing you on all fours. your face hit the comforter of satoru’s bed and you were suddenly aware of how real the situation was. you could smell your big brother as toji slid his fat tip up and down your pussy lips.

“w-wait m’not read-“ your eyes rolled to the back of your head as he pushed himself in all the way. with a loud groan, toji began force fucking you into the mattress.

this was sex? you’ve never felt this kind of pain in your life. “shit— you a virgin?” you heard him ask after seeing blood on his cock. he still didn’t slow down, instead picking up his pace. one thing about toji was he loved fucking girls dumb. especially, virgins.

your fingers reached up to grab a pillow to bury your face into. the sudden guilt of fucking this man in your brothers bed brought tears to your eyes. “ssstru,” you tried to moan out to your brother, eyes crossing when toji propped a foot on the bed to get deeper angle.

“ha! you really are a slut! moanin’ out your brothers name while i tear this pussy up.” you whimpered at his words knowing he was right. you couldn’t hide the fact you were close to your orgasm with the way your pussy was leaving a white ring around his cock.

“ah ah!” your moans filled the room as he rammed into you. you could tell he was close too when he leaned forward to press his big chest against your back. “gnna cum in this kitty,” he groaned in your ear before biting it. you tried to protest but he covered your mouth with a hand. not long after you felt warmth filling your insides. toji’s pace slowed as he fucked his cum in you, babbling about how he was going to “knock you up as pay back.”

you were too fucked out to care, though, laying there as he pulled out and stood. you listened to him wiping his dick off with a random shirt he found before dressing himself and leaving the room. you listened to him rummage through the living room, probably for cash or weed. you listened to the front door shut and then a few minutes later you heard it open again.

dread filled your body when familiar voices filled the hallway near the door. your legs hurt too much to move, so you braced yourself as the footsteps neared.

no one said anything, already knowing of the situation. you laid there, silently crying, back arched and bare ass exposed with cum leaking out of your pussy, while gojo and geto stood in the doorway. geto looked unbothered as he stepped closer to get a better look, the tent in his pants and obvious sign he liked what he saw.

gojo on the other hand looked furious. he knew toji was up to no good when he saw his smugly leave his front door, not even asking him for the money he owed. he knew he took something of similar value, just not that he took this.

his eyes traveled down to your lower half and he understood why geto wanted a better look. you looked so erotic with cum leaking out of your hole and red hand prints on your ass.

gojo turned around and walked out of the room in denial, but deep down, he knew there was no other explanation for the hardness in his pants.

#scumbag!geto #scumbag!toji #scumbag!gojo #toji smut #toji x reader #jjk smut #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen smut #jjk toji smut #jjk toji x reader #tw.incest

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gyuzlyp · 6 months

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marcus lopez relationship headcanons

⚠️ mentions of sexual activity, drug use, weapons, other nsfw content, and self harm. not intended for minors/people who can’t handle dark imagery.

“i live for danger. danger keeps me sane. it gets the adrenaline pumping, y’know? if i wasn’t constantly in danger, i’m not so sure i’d still be alive.”

• marcus is big on only doing things with you in private. after being with maria and saya and being so far in the eye of the kids at king’s dominion, he’s determined to keep the details of your relationship private.

• he likes it when you lead the way. he’s so used to trying to be a leader and be independent that he enjoys when you’re the more dominant.

• he. loves. date nights. getting out of the school to go get chinese food every once in a while is his favorite thing to do with you.

• lots of weed

• maybe some acid too

• he gets easily jealous, especially around the soto vatos, who can never seem to keep their eyes off of you.

• he’s willing to put himself in whatever way of harm he needs to keep you safe, even if it means possibly getting himself killed.

• big cuddler

• he likes when you talk about yourself and your day, even if it’s little things like how you had to wear mismatched socks because you couldn’t find a pair or how you accidentally put salt in your coffee instead of sugar

• you are his biggest priority

• he enjoys it rough in the bedroom, especially when he’s leading. he’s biggest on impact play and biting, but he’s also big on consent and won’t do anything if you tell him not to.

• he may not have a lot of money but he loves to spoil you when he gets the chance to. new shoes, hair clips, even a plant at one point.

• he gets you matching pocket knives for your birthday.

• he loves to break the rules with you. it gives him such a rush of adrenaline to be with you and have the risk of being caught while never actually getting caught.

• he gets flustered whenever you say “i love you”.

• whenever he’s turned on, he always mumbles “fuck” into your ear to let you know he’s hot and bothered.

#deadly class #marcus lopez arguello #marcus lopez x reader #kings dominion #headcanons #headcanon

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user637363 · 1 month

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R&J

—pairing: jj maybank x reader, ex!rafe cameron x reader

—synopsis: you and jj maybank, star crossed lovers. you both knew it wouldn’t work out.

—warnings: DARK!, major character death, gun violence, falling from high elevation, angst, hurt, please read at your own risk.

“Where are you taking me?” You laughed, the sound echoing in the quiet of the bell tower as JJ guided her up the stairs. They had just escaped Midsummers, the distant sounds of music and chatter fading behind them.

You was a kook, through and through—a fact that had shaped much of her life. Your parents’ business partnership with the Camerons had not only placed her in the inner circle of the wealthy elite but had also woven her life tightly with Rafe Cameron’s for over three years.

From the outside, their relationship seemed like a fairy tale—the kook princess and the kook prince of the island—but beneath the surface laid an ocean conflicts.

Three weeks ago, you made a heart-wrenching decision—to walk away from the person you loved, Rafe. Their relationship had reached a breaking point. You felt yourself slipping further down his list of priorities, you constantly felt like a second choice to his drugs and you just couldn’t handle that.

Rafe Cameron had fallen hard and fast for you, his love for you burning brighter than any flame. From your days as childhood friends to the years of your relationship, Rafe had been completely infatuated with you.

When you ended things, Rafe was lost. He had never imagined a life without you, you two’s bond seemingly unbreakable. The pain of your absence was like a physical ache.

When Rafe first noticed your presence among the Pogues, a surge of fury rippled through him. The mere thought of you associating with them, especially JJ Maybank, sparked a fire of jealousy within him.

Three days after your painful breakup with Rafe, you found herself reluctantly agreeing to meet Sarah’s new boyfriend, John B, and his group of friends. You weren’t wasn’t sure what to expect, your heart still raw from the end of your relationship, but Sarah had been insistent, promising that a day at the beach with the Pogues would be just the distraction youneeded.

As you guys arrived at the beach, your eyes landed on JJ, a member of John B’s group.

From the moment you laid eyes on JJ, you felt a shift deep within you—a stirring of emotions unlike anything you had ever experienced before. It wasn’t just a fleeting attraction, no, it was a deep, soul-stirring connection.

“Can’t you see, Y/n?” JJ chuckled, his warm hand enveloping yours as he tugged you along. “We’re going up the bell tower.”

You giggled, the sound echoing in the stairwell, your white silk strapless dress billowing behind you as you climbed the stairs.

“There.” JJ smiled as he showed her the place they were anticipating for.

It was at the top of the bell tower and it was covered in roses and candles with a picnic sitting on the edge.

“Oh my god…” You started. “It’s beautiful.”

With a smile that lit up your face, you approached JJ and wrapped your arms around him in a warm hug. You could feel the steady beat of his heart against your chest.

As you pulled back slightly, Y/n cupped JJ’s face in her hands, her eyes locked on his. In that moment, the world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of them standing amidst the roses and candles, lost in each other’s gaze.

Unbeknownst to you and JJ, Barry stood at the bottom of the bell tower, his gaze fixed on the stairs, a sinister smile playing on his lips. He had been waiting for this moment, watching from afar as you and JJ ascended the tower, oblivious to his presence.

Earlier that week, JJ found himself in a desperate situation, needing money for his father's bail. The situation had driven him to seek solace in the last place he ever thought he would—Barry's house.

As he stood in Barry's dimly lit living room, the smell of weed heavy in the air, JJ knew that this was not where he wanted to be. But the stress and worry over his father had clouded his judgment, leading him to make a decision he would soon regret.

JJ had refused to burden you with his troubles, knowing that you were already dealing with her own challenges. He had wanted to protect you from the harsh realities of his life, so he had kept his struggles to himself, choosing to face them alone. Resorting to buying weed from Barry’s house.

JJ sat on Barry’s couch as he waited for Barry to return with the weed.

“Wait here for like 10 minutes,” Barry spoke to JJ, his voice tinged with annoyance as he answered a call. “I’ll be back, so don’t try any smart shit, got it?”

JJ nodded, not intending to do anything. Three or so minutes passed and JJ got up just to stretch but as he got up a floorboard creeped then dropped opened.

And in it? Stacks of cash. Had to be at least 20k to 25k.

JJ really didn’t want to do it but he had too, for his dad.

JJ’s heart pounded in his chest as he looked around, ensuring no one was watching. With a quick, nervous glance over his shoulder, he reached down and grabbed the stacks of cash from the hidden compartment, his hands trembling as he collected every single dollar.

He quickly stuffed the money deep into his backpack, his heart racing. With a practiced hand, he carefully replaced the floorboard, ensuring it looked undisturbed, as if nothing had happened.

Barry returned just five minutes later, handing JJ the weed as promised and setting him free. JJ breathed a sigh of relief, grateful to be leaving Barry’s house without incident.

However, little did JJ know, this decision would come back to haunt him in ways he never imagined.

“Fuck this.” Barry whispered to himself and started to march up the bell tower. He knew that JJ took the money and wasn’t letting him off the hook so easily.

At the top of the tower, you gave JJ one last kiss before opening the picnic basket.

“You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen,” JJ spoke. He wasn’t lying, in that moment you looked absolutely breathtaking. Your hair cascaded down in loose curls, framing your face perfectly, and the silk white strapless dress you wore accentuated your beauty, making you look truly majestic in the moonlight.

“Thank you.” You blushed.

JJ smiled at you. Just as he was about to take a bite out of his sandwich you guys heard a yell which made you two jump.

“JJ fucking Maybank!”

JJ recognized the voice and knew he was truly fucked. “Y/n?” he whispered urgently, his eyes wide with fear. “Just cooperate with me right now, okay? Don’t say anything.”

You took a shaky breath, your eyes locked with JJ’s as you nodded in response.

“Barry.” JJ spoke as he saw the man reach the top where there little set-up was.

“Well this is nice, ain’t it?” Barry darkly chuckled. “I checked out that little Kook party they was having. You wasn’t there.”

“Barry, please, not right now.” JJ pleaded.

“I want my damn money!” Barry yelled which startled you, making you gasp.

“Oh look what we have here.” Barry raised his eyebrows in amusement. “Rafe get tired of you?”

“Leave her out of this.” JJ’s jaw ticked in fury. “I’ll give you back the money. Can we have this conversation another day.”

Barry scoffed, reaching into his back pocket, he pulled out a gun.

“No!” You let out a choked sob, desperation lacing your voice. “Tell me how much money he owes you. I’ll give it to you!”

"Y/n, I said stay out of this," JJ demanded, his tone harsh and commanding. He knew that you were only trying to help, but he also knew that involving you further would only make things worse. He needed to handle this situation on his own, no matter the cost.

Barry, his gaze fixed on JJ, kept the gun pointed at him. "Mrs. Country Club ain't going to help you here," he sneered, his voice dripping with disdain.

Barry, ignoring your pleading sobs, kept inching closer to JJ, who in turn kept inching backwards. A standoff between predator and prey.

“Sad it has to end like this, huh?” Barry seethed, his voice dripping with malice.

“JJ!” You screamed, your voice filled with terror as JJ took one last step back, teetering on the edge of the tower.

It all happened so fast. Barry didn’t pull the trigger, but in that moment, he might as well have.

You watched in horror as the love of your life took his final step, teetering on the edge of the bell tower before falling into the abyss below. Time seemed to slow as you stood frozen, unable to comprehend what was unfolding before your eyes.

The world around you blurred as tears filled your eyes, your heart shattering into a million pieces. The sound of his body hitting the ground echoed in your ears.

“J!” You screamed at the top of your lungs.

You turned back, expecting to see Barry, but he was nowhere to be found. That bastard had escaped, leaving behind only his gun.

You quickly bent down, grabbing the gun before running down the steps of the bell tower. The echoes of your screams and sobs were loud.

Each step felt like an eternity as you raced down the stairs, the weight of the gun heavy in your hand. Tears blurred your vision, but you didn’t care.

Once you reached the bottom you you him.

You saw JJ lying motionless on the ground, blood seeping out of the back of his head.

Kneeling down beside him, you reached out a trembling hand, gently brushing his hair back from his face.

You sobbed as you took JJ into your arms, the torn fabric of your white dress clutched tightly in your hand. With trembling hands, you pressed the fabric against the back of his head, trying desperately to stem the flow of blood.

But it was useless.

“Y/n/n…” JJ’s voice was soft, barely more than a whisper, but it was enough to make your heart ache with longing. Another sob escaped your lips as you looked down at him, his smile so gentle and full of love.

“JJ… you’re going to be okay. Just please stay with me.”

JJ’s slowly nodded eyes as his gradually opened and closed.

“Keep your eyes opened, please.” Your voice croaked. “Don’t give up on me… stay.”

“I love you.” He spoke gently.

As his eyes met yours, he offered a small, reassuring smile. With a gentle nod, he conveyed his understanding, his acceptance of what was to come.

“I love you too, JJ. We can tell eachother that everyday if you just stay.”

But deep down, you knew it was too late. JJ was slipping away, his grip on life growing weaker with each passing moment. You wanted nothing more than for him to stay, to hold you in his arms and tell you that everything would be okay.

JJ nodded again. But it wasn’t convincing.

You continued to press the torn fabric into the back of JJ’s head, your hands shaking with grief and desperation. Tears streamed down your face, blurring your vision as you tried to stem the flow of blood.

Then it happened.

He closed his eyes.

“JJ?” You choked out, your voice trembling with fear and sorrow. You shook him gently, hoping against hope for some sign of life. You checked his pulse to feel anything.

Nothing.

“Help! Someone!” You screamed, your sobs taking over. “Help!”

You were screaming, the sound raw. Tears streamed down your face, your body racked with sobs as you collapsed beside JJ’s lifeless body.

The love of your life just died in your arms.

It didn’t matter to you if you had only known each other for 3 weeks. The love you shared with JJ was unlike anything you had ever experienced. In those 3 weeks, you had shared more moments of joy, laughter, and love than some people experience in a lifetime.

You just couldn’t picture a life without him.

As you were sobbing, your eyes fell upon it.

Barry’s gun.

You could almost hear the voices of your friends and family.

You’ve only known him for three weeks.

You spent the last 16 years without him, he’s not important.

But you didn’t care. The pain of losing JJ was too much to bear, and the thought of facing another day without him was unbearable. The love you felt for him consumed you, driving you to make a decision that you knew was final.

With a steady hand, you pressed the gun to the bottom of your chin, your heart heavy with sorrow but you were adamant in your decision.

Memories of JJ Maybank started swarming your mind.

Their first memory to their last. Everything.

You locked the gun.

“I love you, JJ Maybank.”

Then everything went black.

#rafe cameron x reader #drew starkey x reader #jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #outer banks #romeo and juliet #ex!Rafe Cameron x reader #rudy pankow #rudy pankow x reader #rafe cameron fanfiction #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank obx #rafe cameron obx #Sarah Cameron #john b routledge #kiara carrera #pope heyward

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thelostgirl21 · 4 months

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Ever since realising that Joey referring to Jaskier as sapiosexually connecting with Radovid was likely 100% intentional, I've literally been losing my shit over the potential implications...

Like... new headcanon!

What if Jaskier has always approached the act of having sex with someone else as a form of performance art, driven by his desire to please his "audience", and making other people passionately respond to what he's doing for them?

Like... what if what normally sexually interests him isn't so much inspired by the other person, but more by the general idea of being wanted, needed, and the anticipation of the positive feedback he might get from sexually interacting with them.

He readily experiences primary aesthetic attraction towards other people, finds them interesting, becomes curious about them, and feels instantly affectionate towards them; but he's not sexually aroused by / attracted to them, per say.

He really wants to make them feel good, and bask in that sense of intimacy, togetherness and praises he receives from being sexually involved with them (yeah, because he's that good at figuring out what pleases them, and offering it to them).

And somehow, audience response/participation tends to really inform how good or "smooth" he is when it comes to his ability to seduce someone, and convince them to become sexually intimate with him in the first place?

For example...

So... what if Jaskier is a bard and an artist through and through? Not just on stage, but in the sheets as well?

Turning sex into poetry and something very deliberate, where it's all about a sense of artistic expression, and a pure melody of various physical sensations and emotions!

Sexually? Jaskier is an artist, a creative, a free thinker... All is fair!

But it's not something that he usually feels any urge or need to engage in based on the way someone else inspires him any sudden desire to have sex with them specifically.

He loves his sexual partners, he's intrigued by them, he wants to connect with them - even if that connection lasts but a night - and sex allows him to do that.

But maybe he has no idea that sex might be experienced differently by others.

Maybe he just thinks they're like really really REALLY expressive and appreciative of the sex itself, or something, whenever he notices how hungrily some of them appear to throw themselves at him, or at each other.

Also, I've somehow always found it a bit weird how Jaskier seems to fully remain clear minded during Yennefer's magical orgy.

Yennefer comments on how Geralt seems to be immune to her spell, as if it's some kind of big deal!

But then, there's Jaskier...

He just waves at them as if he's totally unaffected by everyone else fucking each other around him, and being surrounded by a bunch of naked bodies having sex...

And/or looks like he's not quite comfortable with the way someone's hand is moving closer to his crotch at some point...

Grant it, he's slowly being suffocated to death by a Djinn's magic, and likely has other priorities than sex in mind!

But that's just the thing...

Isn't Yennefer's spell supposed to override people's ability to think rationally or fully understand what's happening? Everyone snaps out of it looking confused, and poor Jaskier just basically passes out, but he's never once looked like he stopped looking at what was happening around him from an outsider's P.O.V.

Whenever the camera cuts to him, he seems to be sharing the same reality as Geralt and Yennefer, not the kind of sexual haze everyone else appears to be happily trapped in.

Would being affected by the Djinn just make him immune to the whole "sex weed magic thingy" as well?

Or would the usual lack of primary sexual attraction towards other people make it a bit harder for Yennefer's spell to take a hold on him?

(Another headcanon theory I came up with - should Jaskier be revealed as being the direct descendant of Fjall and the Lark - would be that, perhaps, the small touch of magic in his blood would be enough to make him more resistant to certain types of spell... On top of being able to eat whatever he comes across without freaking poisoning himself, I swear!)

But yeah, let's just imagine, for a moment, that sapiosexual Jaskier would have no clue (or very little clue) of what it actually feels like to specifically be sexually attracted to someone (rather than the sex itself, and all it may represent to him) in a way where you are viscerally craving that sexual contact with that specific someone, and you feel like you might go crazy if they don't finally have sex with you.

Then, along comes Radovid, that he develops a sapioromantic and sapiosexual attraction for...

And, for a while, Jaskier thinks he's just losing his freaking mind, because there are moments where Radovid is just there, simply being all sensitive and insightful while discussing dwarven politics with Yarpen, for example...

... and poor Jaskier's never been so sexually aroused in his life!!!

But Radovid is not even technically doing anything that's supposed to be "sexually charged"!

He's fully clothed, being all smart and sensitive, talking about a topic of interest to him while having lunch by the side of the road...

...and Jaskier is just there, casually eating next to him while listening to him talk with their friends.

It's 100% casual and totally trivial, day to day stuff... No plan for Jaskier to try and seduce him and have sex there!

So, how come does he suddenly feel the urge to pounce on him and beg Radovid to just take him right here and there, in front of all their friends at camp, and it's taking all the self-control he can humanly muster not to act upon that impulse?!

Instead, Jaskier stands up, awkwardly excuses himself, and decides the best way to manage the situation is to go take a random dip fully clothed in the nearest river.

"Why?", they ask. Because he was getting hot, that's why!

And no, he couldn't just remove his clothes instead! He liked them really baggy an concealing that day, thank you very much!

As a matter of fact, he might decide to just start wearing his shirt over his pants from now on, because he's starting a new fashion trend! No other reason!

Oh...

Oh, no...

NO.

Don't you dare look at me all concerned while trying to read into my behavior, you stupid prince... Wait. Is that a smirk?

You're smirking aren't you?

How do you look like you've figured it out, when I've no fucking clue what's even going on with me?!

Great! And now the river's cool water is not even working anymore!

That's it! I'm never walking out of here again, and I hope you know it's all your fault!

No. No, don't take off your shirt and get into the water with me, that's not...

Oh? Oh! Everyone else is going and leaving us alone? Okay, nevermind! Fuck! Why's it so hard to walk while standing waist deep in water? Surely there must be a way to get to you faster...

And I'm just imagining poor Jaskier trying to ask Yennefer if Radovid might be some kind of sorcerer with latent magical abilities or something... Because, whenever he's around, there are moments where he randomly feels this overwhelming urge to make love to him, even if the context is not appropriate for delivering a sexual performance of any kind!

Like yes, it has happened to him before to have "the muses" whisper in his ear that sex with a certain someone might be good, and he's typically very open to sudden bursts of inspiration and unplanned sexual improvisation!

But that's not the same thing!

It only happens specifically with Radovid - especially when he's saying or doing something really witty, sensitive or insightful - and it's like his whole body suddenly catches fire, gets all tense and trembling with need; and being touched by him and having sex with him feels like finally being able to breathe after someone's forcefully been holding your head under water for a while...

Radovid must be bewitching him, somehow, for sure!

And Yenn is like "You know that what you've just been describing is simply what regular sexual desire feels like for most people, right?"

And Jaskier's just going:

#Jaskier #Radovid #Radskier #Sapiosexual #Sapioromantic #Sapiosexual Jaskier puts so many things into perspective and opens the door to so many new and juicy heacanons!#How the fuck did I miss this?!#Yeah for the record I still think I'm a complete demisexual idiot!#Fuck am I an idiot...#That's likely also sapiosexual so the fact that I genuinely thought Jaskier couldn't be sapiosexual is even more bewildering to me!#I guess I'm still mostly hesitating on calling myself sapiosexual because I'm not entirely sure if the way I'm exclusively attracted toward #geeks is based on how I perceive and respond to the way their intellect works...#Or to other factors like a combination of personality traits often displayed by geeks for example...#But yeah getting specifically “turned on” by your partner in the most awkward of times (ex: boyfriend is animatedly explaining to someone #how the lithium batter on their phone works while being so creatively imaginative and passionate about it) is a highly relatable experience #I've just gotten used to it...#and can manage it without going to jump into rivers now...#Jaskier will be fine! He'll get the hang of it!#My Stuff #My Posts #My Thoughts

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theamityelf · 26 days

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How do you think the other Kamukuras would get along with Junko?

I think Byakuya simply wouldn't talk to her. He's organized his life in such a way that he never has to see anyone except his inner circle and maybe occasionally his dad.

Mahiru would interact with her in passing because she's Makoto's friend; Mahiru is one of the Kamukuras who doesn't mind Makoto having a social life outside of them, so she's usually the one to go get him when he's been hanging out with his friends for a while and Izuru seems like he's about to step in.

So she meets Junko, and Junko chats with her. Maybe Junko tries to pull some kind of scheme with Mahiru, and Mahiru just goes, "You're trying to manipulate me. To what end?" If Mahiru finds out about Junko murdering someone, she would kill her just as a matter of course. Like pulling a weed. (She's already a danger to Syo and Mukuro; they're lucky they're low on her priority list and also Makoto is protecting his old classmates.)

(Also, and I'm sorry this is so unrelated, Mahiru going to Hope's Peak to bring Makoto home opens up the possibility of her crossing paths with her own old classmates, and especially Hiyoko, which would be so sad, because she would not be as accommodating about it as Makoto. Makoto wants to be who his old classmates want him to be, but Mahiru just thinks this "Mahiru" person Hiyoko cared for is dead now. She's just like, "I'm sorry, but I'm not who you think I am. Mahiru Koizumi was killed by Hope's Peak as a part of a top secret project to create Ultimate Hope. I've killed her killers out of respect for the body she gave me, but she can't be your friend anymore." And Hiyoko does not accept that, and also she cries.)

And Nagito, man! I want to say they would get along too well, but also he definitely wouldn't end the world for her or be useful to her pretty much at all, because he would find it way too rewarding to unmake everything she's planning while it's in progress. Like, I think he would have one conversation with her and go, "Oh, wonderful! A new hobby: I will ensure every plan she weaves unravels right at the end." (Specifically at the end. It's most satisfying to him if everything seems to be going her way and then right at the end it turns out that nothing she set up works as intended.) He might pretend to be her henchman just to pull the rug out from under her. He just thinks she's neat to play with.

#danganronpa #kamukuras au #byakuya kamukura au #mahiru kamukura au #makoto kamukura au #nagito kamukura au #junko enoshima #byakuya togami #makoto naegi #mahiru koizumi #hiyoko saionji #izuru kamukura #nagito komaeda

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berlinini · 5 months

Text

some Thoughts about the 02 show (while the days of ltwt show recaps the length of essays are gone, I thought I'd share some stuff)(this of course got kinda long anyways, I am nothing but predictable!)

first of all it's so interesting to go online after a show and "consume" the show through different perspectives... I was in the pit close to the sound booth and could see a tiny Louis like tunnel vision (and not even always - I had to look at the screens a lot more than any previous shows). I had never been to such a big venue and it felt like the arenas I'd be previously - it's so hard to gage. Anyways when I saw Louis' IG post I realized how far I was and seeing pictures and videos of the venue - I truly hadn't realized the sheer number of people. Also the lights project from our POV seemed to have bombed but seeing the videos, it did create the intended effect. Also I was so far that I had to ask the gc for the color of the pants (#purple #slay) and only in the encore, when there was a camera on Louis' entire body, did I notice the shoes (unfortunately my eyes deceived me into thinking they were Nike). I missed all the little quirky faces and interactions that I now see in gifs. HOWEVER I did not miss the several times Louis teared up including during Chicago and during his speeches and I tell you my heart was bursting. I love that he talked a bit more than usual - I think he said something like "I can't put into words... well let me try" and he said everything so perfectly! The reference to his dreams and the "we" - I just listened to him and thought how much I love him. His special thanks to his band was super sweet.

setlist: HOTH safe! If I hadn't known DMD was back on the setlist I wouldn't have recognized it. No 7 :( I tolerate Angels Fly but tbh I don't understand how it's there and not like Headline or Always You or FEARLESS. High in Cali was hilarious because you could tell weed isn't legal in the UK lmao - the vibe was so different than back home. 505 still so good and now I can sing every single lyrics but in a very oh poor me, the show ruined my 5 x 505 streak this year since it's now 6. But 505 Laval you'll always be #1 in my Heart <3. We Made It is still the It Girl and Silver Tongues... I doubt a closer will ever come this close (hehe) to how fucking epic it is. Tbh I could hardly tell when the string section was playing but I'm glad I had a show with strings! Me still in LTWT mode wondering why the pyro didn't go off during Walls only to be told there hasn't been any for this tour ouuuups. The Megamix SLAYS so hard and the special effects were SO cool! I did miss the classic rainbow lights for SIBWAWC cuz the lasers didn't reflect on the crowd as nicely but the clouds and at the beginning of ATT were beautiful.

Talking about lasers I was eyeing this guy in the soundbooth that I'd never see before and was clowning about him being there for the LIVE ALBUM RECORDING. I even took notes to figure out later where he works (spare a thought for tumblr user bbrox who has to put up with my insanity). ONLY to figure out 1 hour later that the guy was the special lasers guy as made so obvious by the fact he packed up his stuff after Saturdays in a box that said "laser fx triangle C" lololol. Sometimes I think it's good to clown for nothing - be humbled!

I saw most of the crew in the soundbooth - the person I was with was trying to spot the Tomlinsons while I was looking for Oli and K and was mentally putting a check on names for the sound and lights guys - priorities! (Blaming Red Rocks for having us go down the rabbit hole of every single member of the crew)

Oh yeah the KMM lights! It was kinda spontaneous? He had a little shy smile like he was telling himself 'look at this lot' and it was soooo adorable. I'm glad I got to be a part of it <3 Which pretty much summarizes this whole show - witnessing a moment in history.

Finally - TANK TOP LOUIS WITH MY OWN 2 EYES!!!!!! And what a tank top!!! #blessed #cantspellslutwithoutlt

Everyone's been saying being a louie is for life and that just keep getting stronger and stronger everytime I get to see him perform! Can't wait for future shows!!!

#forgot to hit post!#lol #fitfwt london #fitfwt fan recap #mine #hehe

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youremyheaven · 3 days

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I’m a Pushya sun and my ex was Uttara Phalguni sun and rising. When things were good they were GREAT, however when things were bad it was an absolute nightmare.

He was extremely judgemental towards my body count and sexual history. I told him if it’s a problem let’s just break up bc I literally cannot change it. He told me that I “wasn’t just some girl”, so he’ll have to overcome it. Proceeded to spend the majority of the relationship berating me for it, calling me a slut and a prostitute. He said the cruelest things a person has ever said to me. He said 99% of men would never love me and he was the 1% of idiots that did. When I finally cracked and went crazy and shouted at him, he held that over my head and i felt terrible for it. At that point we were smoking a lot of weed, and I could barely even process my emotions, it was terrible. I explained all the terrible symptoms I was experiencing and told him I would stop. All the symptoms I said, he told me is what he feels like all the time for years (because he had been smoking like this long before he met me). He told me he would stop as well. That was a lie.

He got super violent, would beat me up so badly during sex, would also pressure me into having sex with him - he would ask over and over and over again until I said yes. He also knew he was doing this cos one time he asked me if I felt pressured by him to have sex and I said yes and he got so angry AT ME for him pressuring me. There was an instance where he hit me across the head and it hurt so bad I had trouble hearing for days and I told him that he hit me too hard, my ears are ringing and he just giggled and said “I know”.

A month before our relationship ended I found out he had a tik tok account where he would post alpha male podcast clips (keep in mind we’re grown adults) - had no idea about this the entire relationship. Also, he pretty much lied to me about everything (granted he has a Rahu moon) even the most stupid things like liking anime for example. I just thought it was cringe and I didn’t watch it at all, and he lied and said he felt the same - come to find he had like anime pfp for a bunch of his online accounts. Lied to me about his family, where he came from, friends, romantic and sexual history, his interests, likes and dislikes, so many things. I had also found a message from a dating app on his phone.

The relationship ended after I found out he relapsed again and completely lied to me about it and was cancelling plans with me just to smoke and play video games with his friends. When I broke up with him, he begged me stay, said no one had ever loved and cared for him this much except for his mother, all of these things. Made me even more confused as to why he treated me like I was the devil then?? I was past the point of conversation so it was just a bad ending. He punched my mattress and told me I would regret leaving him. That was the last I ever saw him.

Goes without saying I learnt a bunch from that relationship! I’m pretty sure he hated my guts but I took care of him and met a lot of his basic needs (Maslow’s hierarchy) so he kept me around to fulfil them. I think he was also just possessive; he didn’t want me but more than that he didn’t want to see me with anyone else. Some of the worst days of my life were in this relationship but in a weird way I feel like this was Saturn teaching me a lesson - I was an idiot who literally forgot who I was for this relationship, made it my number one priority, and had zero self-esteem or self-advocacy. So many points where I should’ve walked away but I learnt the hard way. Never again!!

I am so glad you got out of that relationship!!! Please stay safe!!! Thank you so much for sharing your experience because in my own experiences my yoni consort has been toxic and abusive as well (it does not compare to yours at all tho). I wish you so much peace and healing. You're so strong 🫶

Side note: have you guys ever noticed how a Nodal person seems to be proud of/brag about their interests if at all they have any?? 8/10 they'll be lying about the depth of their involvement in it too lol?? Is it bc Nodal people find it hard to connect to things so when they do, they're just like 😤imma make this my whole personality 😤my ex spoke about how obsessed he was with Greek mythology and how much money he spent on Greek mythology books but he could never talk about it at length?? (he also had substance issues so i attributed it to that tbh)

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sugarmapl · 10 months

Text

bet on it (cytham)

reposting this on here for anyone who wants to read it while ao3 is down :3

Summary:

Some new recruits within the matra have come up with an interesting wager. Whoever is the first to bed the intimidating and fearsome General Mahamatra wins. Little do they know that they lost the bet before it had even begun…

{fluff and humor - rated M}

—

After the old sages were overthrown, the Akademiya itself needed a good thorough cleansing. Many of their old spies and loyal devotees needed to be weeded out in order to move forward. Cyno and Alhaitham worked closely together on that very task. Within the first few weeks of the new regime, much of the Akademiya staff had been replaced.

That included the matra, which Cyno was in charge of. He was a bit disappointed with how many of his subordinates were secretly loyal to Azar and the other old sages. It was a painstaking task sorting through them all, but eventually, he managed to rummage up a good number of new recruits to replace them. Cyno left his most trusted subordinate, Nayab, to train the newbies.

Although many of the newcomers joined the matra out of a sense of duty and justice, there were still a few that joined simply because they weren’t cut out for the rigorous academic life. The Akademiya could be extremely mentally draining, and becoming a matra was a nice way of still becoming employed by the Akademiya while enjoying greatly reduced mental strain. That being said, some of the recruits who fell under that category were not the most… properly motivated.

Unfortunately, Cyno and the other, more experienced matra couldn’t afford to be picky at the moment. They were in desperate need of the numbers since taking significant losses in the recent power struggle, so most new recruits with a fairly spotless record were accepted. Cyno figured he would just have Nayab whip them into shape and get their priorities straight.

How could he have predicted the depths of their degeneracy? The General Mahamatra was an extremely busy man, especially with the rebuilding of Sumeru’s political landscape. He hardly had time to interact with the new recruits at all. As a result, they only saw him sparingly here and there, and his reputation as a cold and intimidating senior returned in full force.

With the previous matra, and the ones who had been there a long time still knew this, Cyno had taken great pains to shed his intimidating aura by telling jokes or talking at length about Genius Invocation TCG. He had put in a lot of effort to break that ice and make the other matra feel more comfortable around him. But since there were so many newcomers, and he hardly had the time to try out these ice-breaking methods with them, Cyno felt like he was back to square one.

He complained about this very subject one day to Alhaitham as the two were meeting in the scribe’s office. “I heard all the new recruits find me difficult to approach. I wish I had more time to bond with them so that they weren’t afraid to ask questions or report back to me.”

“As long as they do their jobs, what does it matter what they think of you?” Alhaitham replied, not even pausing as he scanned over a document in his hands.

His work as Acting Grand Sage had also been tiring him out and leaving him little time to get to know the new Akademiya employees. Unlike Cyno, however, Alhaitham preferred it that way. He saw no point in forming personal connections at work. He was only concerned with clocking in, getting his work done, and clocking out. And maybe coming up with excuses to see the General Mahamatra in his office a little more frequently during the day, but nobody had to know about the last part.

“I want to be someone they can look up to. A role model of justice,” Cyno explained. “But it’s difficult to do that if you’re not well-liked.”

Alhaitham finally stopped what he was doing to glance up at the other. Cyno was perched on the edge of the scribe’s desk, seeming especially small as he swung his legs back and forth absentmindedly. Cyno was holding a document of his own, though he wasn’t even pretending to read over it anymore, turning to meet Alhaitham’s eyes.

“You put too much merit into other people’s opinions,” the scribe told him flatly.

Cyno rolled his eyes. “I forgot who I was talking to.”

Alhaitham stood up, circling the desk until he was in front of Cyno. “Besides,” he said, cupping the smaller’s cheek, “I already like you plenty enough.” With that, he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on the General’s lips, which Cyno reciprocated gratefully.

“That was smooth,” Cyno said after pulling away. “But I still would prefer the matras’ opinions of me to be a little bit better.”

“Fair enough,” the scribe relented. “Maybe you can spend more time with them when you get back.”

The General Mahamatra hopped off the edge of the desk, taking slow steps towards the exit. “I should get going for the desert mission now. I will probably return tomorrow or the day after, at the latest.”

“I look forward to it,” Alhaitham replied with a wink, and then Cyno was gone.

Meanwhile, Nayab was busy with the new recruits. They were having an orientation of sorts where he handed out the manuals and uniforms, and was just going over some of the matra duties when someone raised their hand.

“Yes? Question?”

“What’s the General Mahamatra like?” the recruit asked.

Some of the matra who had clearly been tuning out earlier suddenly sat up with renewed interest at the mention of the General Mahamatra. Many of them had yet to see or meet Cyno. Nayab had almost expected this, though he really wished they’d saved their questions for the end. Still, he saw no harm in answering it now.

Cyno was already somewhat of an infamous figure in Sumeru, but after rescuing the Dendro Archon and overthrowing the previous Akademiya hierarchy, he had become even more so, his renown soaring to unbelievable heights. Many saw him as a hero, but tales of his strength were often accompanied by over-exaggerated descriptions of his appearance or demeanor.

“Lord Cyno is a fantastic leader. He is the very pinnacle of justice, and he is what all of us matra strive to be like,” Nayab told them honestly.

“But what is he like? How’s his personality?” the recruit asked again, not satisfied.

“Yeah, is he really as scary and intimidating as people say?” someone else chimed in.

“Of course not,” Nayab rushed to explain. He hated when people misunderstood Cyno’s character. “He is extremely kind. Though he may seem a little tough on the outside, he has a generous heart and cares deeply for each of his subordinates.”

The crowd of young matra seemed fascinated by that response, eager to know more. They continued pressing Nayab for information, much to his dismay.

“What about his appearance?”

“I heard he was six feet tall and super jacked.”

“Can he really lift a sumpter beast with one hand?”

“Is it true he walks around half-naked?”

Nayab struggled to keep up with their questioning, tackling their curiosity one at a time.

“He is actually rather on the small side… Uhhh he is very strong, but I wouldn’t say jacked, more like lean… I wouldn’t be surprised if he could really do that…. The General Mahamatra does have an unusual choice of clothing, so he may seem a bit underdressed at times…”

Finally having enough, Nayab dismissed the recruits to continue their training tomorrow. He seriously needed a break. He appreciated the display of trust, but why did Lord Cyno leave him of all people in charge!?

That night, some of the new matra gathered at a tavern to blow off steam. They huddled around a small table, leaning in close as they discussed in hushed voices what they had learned that day.

“Do you think it’s really true? The General Mahamatra is actually tiny?” one of them asked his friends in disbelief.

“All the older matra said the same thing, so it must be,” another one answered.

“I also heard from one of my upperclassmen that he’s, like, super pretty.”

“What? No way!”

“Seriously! And some other senior scholars said the same thing!”

“Hmmm interesting,” the one at the head of the table hummed before breaking out into a smirk. “Fellas, I have an idea.”

They all turned to him with their full attention. He must have been the leader of the little pack.

“The training has been super boring so far, so whaddya say we spice things up with a little wager?”

“A wager? What kind?” the one who originally spoke first asked, though it was clear his interest was peaked.

In all honesty, the first few days of matra training always revolved around rules and regulations. While it wasn’t the most exciting of topics to discuss, it was very important in assuring the matra conducted themselves professionally and within Akademiya guidelines. Still, for recruits who were too dumb to become Akademiya scholars, they felt nothing but pent up frustration towards long lectures and required readings.

“How about we bet our first months’ salaries?” the leader proposed.

“On what?”

“Whoever bangs the General Mahamatra first wins,” he said with a sleazy grin.

“You’re crazy!” the others laughed. “Are you that desperate to get laid?”

The leader laughed along with them, but didn’t drop the idea. “And you’re not? Besides, think about the bragging rights you would have if you actually pulled it off. The hero of the Akademiya, the brave and fearless General Mahamatra, pillar of Sumeru, spreading his legs for you.”

That actually shut the others at the table up, some even clearing their throats and sitting up a little straighter.

“You’re serious?” one asked.

“Absolutely.”

“Then… count me in.”

“Me too.”

“Me too!”

One by one, the new recruits agreed to the obscene wager. They hadn’t even seen the General Mahamatra’s face with their own eyes yet, but it was enough to stoke their competitive spirits and stave off boredom for the meantime. They laughed over the topic over a few more rounds of drinks, discussing all the ways they were going to lure Cyno to their beds. All the while, they were completely oblivious to the man at the bar who was eavesdropping on their every word.

Alhaitham sighed. He only wanted to enjoy a nice post-work glass of wine, but now he also had to listen to those idiots talk about all the ways they planned to fuck his boyfriend. Of course, he knew it was never going to happen. Cyno would never go for such a thing, and he would certainly never cheat on Alhaitham.

The scribe’s only worry was that Cyno could be a bit… obtuse at times. He would often mistake flirting as friendly banter, and the scribe didn’t want Cyno’s inherent gentle nature taken advantage of or going to those matras’ heads. He would just have to keep an extra close eye on him once he got back.

The next day, Cyno returned late afternoon as promised. He looked exhausted as he trudged through the Akademiya, no doubt having spent the better part of the past day battling Eremites in the desert. His body was slightly battered and bruised, and he had the faintest of bags under his eyes. The tiredness actually softened his usually stern features, only making him appear all the more vulnerable. That was when the first of the matra decided to strike.

“Lord Cyno!” they called as they jogged up to him. The young recruit had pale blonde hair and freckled skin. He was not bad to look at at all and he knew it, which gave him an unnecessary ego boost.

He had to admit, when he saw Cyno enter the Akademiya, the General Mahamatra surpassed his expectations. Of course, he’d heard the rumors that the other was small, but he would never have guessed just how cute Cyno really was. He had beautiful long white hair and stunning red-tinted eyes. Even beat up, he couldn’t help but think the other was extremely pretty. Seeing the General in person only served to increase the young matra’s motivation to win the bet.

“Welcome back!” he continued, tone friendly. “Are you alright?”

Cyno looked at him confused for a moment before seeming to realize who he was. “You’re one of the new recruits, correct? I’m quite fine. I’m sorry to meet you in such a state,” Cyno apologized, extending his hand to shake.

The young matra excitedly took it, shaking it with enthusiasm. It seemed that Nayab was right. Cyno’s true nature was rather polite and pleasant. In that case, the bet would be a piece of cake.

“Believe me, you still look incredible,” he said with a flirty smile.

The General Mahamatra paused awkwardly, retreating his hand from the uncomfortably long handshake. There was no way the kid meant it like that, right? Cyno was probably just misunderstanding him. The other was being friendly, and it gave Cyno a chance to get closer to his new subordinates. Still, all he could muster up in response was, “Oh, uh, thanks.”

“Are you sure you’re okay, though? Do you need help with anything? I can assist you!”

Cyno felt bad. The kid seemed so eager to please, he probably just looked up to Cyno and wanted to become a good matra. Cyno didn’t have the heart to tell him that he was just going to report back to (and possibly make out with) the Acting Grand Sage. He was about to make up something for the other to help him with so that they could bond when said Acting Grand Sage seemed to pop up out of nowhere.

“I-”

“General Mahamatra, you’re back,” Alhaitham said calmly. He strode up confidently, addressing Cyno while also completely ignoring the other matra that was standing there.

“Acting Grand Sage. Yes, I just got back,” Cyno replied, seeming to brighten up a bit.

“Excellent. I am eagerly awaiting your report. Let’s head back to my office together, shall we?” the scribe asked. Before waiting for a response, he gently circled his arm around Cyno’s shoulders and guided him away toward the elevator.

The young matra recruit stood there frozen in momentary shock. Did he just get cockblocked by the Acting Grand Sage?

The next morning, Cyno was in the library doing some research into a case he was working on. One of the new matra happened to be in there studying his manual, delighted at the appearance of the General Mahamatra. Cyno stopped in front of a particular bookshelf and began scanning the titles in search of something. The matra took the opportunity to spring into action.

“General Mahamatra, I hope I’m not bothering you,” he said as he approached.

The matra recruit was confident in his looks, much like his friend. Though, while his peer had more of the boy-next-door vibe, he was more of a tall, dark, and handsome type. He was also much taller than Cyno, and so he was sure that he had the bet in the bag.

“I’m one of the recently recruited matra, so I just wanted to introduce myself.” As he spoke, he gave a slight bow. Cyno seemed surprised at the action before waving it off.

“No need to be so formal. I’ve been meaning to get to know all the recruits better anyway,” the Mahamatra assured him with a smile.

The young recruit felt his heart skip a beat. “Great! If that’s the case, would you like to join me for some coffee?”

Cyno looked slightly apologetic. “Unfortunately, I am a bit too busy at the moment. Perhaps in the near future?” he suggested instead.

“Absolutely!”

The entire time they spoke, Cyno had never paused in his scanning of the bookcase. Finally, it seemed he found what he was looking for, but he frowned with his neck craned up. The book he needed just so happened to be on the top shelf. He reached for it half-heartedly, knowing he wasn’t going to be able to get it with his height.

The young matra was elated. It was like fate had given him the ultimate chance to make a move on the General Mahamatra. He would be his knight in shining armor, pressing close to reach the book and make Cyno’s heart flutter. Then, it was only a matter of time. Smiling to himself, the matra moved to carry out his plan, extending his arm and-

A blur of black and green suddenly appeared in a flash. A tall, handsome, silver-haired man crowded in close to Cyno and retrieved the desired book before stepping back and handing it to the tiny general. Cyno looked slightly flustered by the action, and the young matra quietly cursed the man in his head.

“Alhaitham? What are you doing here?” Cyno asked.

“I came to see what was taking you so long. We have a morning meeting, remember?” the scribe reminded him.

Wait a minute, Alhaitham!? The matra stared in awe at the man in front of him who was, allegedly, the Acting Grand Sage. He could be upset at anyone else interrupting him, but if it was Alhaitham, then it was probably for something important. But… why the hell was the guy totally ignoring him altogether!? He acted like the matra wasn’t even there! In the blink of an eye, the Acting Grand Sage had whisked the General Mahamatra away.

That same day, another incident occurred. The leader of the young recruits had come up with a plan. He heard from the other matra and older scholars that the General Mahamatra was absolutely obsessed with Genius Invocation TCG. And so, the matra had spent all of the night before putting together an impressive deck in order to challenge Cyno to a duel.

Using a shared interest, he would grow close to the General Mahamatra before eventually taking him to bed. Maybe he could even speed up the process by betting with the General on a round of the card game. The rumor was that Cyno couldn’t say no to Genius Invocation TCG, after all. And if the matra happened to cheat by hiding a few cards up his sleeve, no one would have to know.

He was all ready to set the plan into motion. He would bump into Cyno in the hallway at the Akademiya, thus spilling his TCG cards ‘by accident’. Then, after peaking Cyno’s interest, he would challenge him to a duel during which the matra would seduce the unsuspecting General. It was the perfect plan, and he expected to have the General spreading his legs by nightfall.

The matra had studied Cyno’s schedule, and knew that the other usually had a meeting with the Acting Grand Sage at that time. Then, Cyno would exit down the same hallway on the way back to his own office. The matra hid around the corner in said hallway, waiting for the tell-tale sound of Cyno’s footsteps. They were easy to identify since the General Mahamatra was almost always barefoot.

He steeled himself, then flung around the corner, only to smack into what felt like a brick wall. He hit the ground hard, spilling his TCG cards all over the marble floors. Oh well, not exactly to plan, but he could still make it work. He glanced up and saw the muscled figure of the Acting Grand Sage looming over him, looking down with an unphased expression.

The General Mahamatra was at his side, at least having the decency to look slightly concerned. “Are you alright?” Cyno asked.

No, he was definitely not alright. Why was the Acting Grand Sage built like a freight train!? He felt like he just got run over, but he had to play it off in order for the plan to work.

“Yes, yes, I’m alright. Sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going,” the young matra said, trying to sound guilty.

Cyno smiled at him. “It’s okay, just be careful next time,” he said gently.

Alhaitham looked unamused. “Yes, rushing around the Akademiya halls recklessly is unbecoming of a matra. If I were anyone else, they might have gotten hurt.”

What a fucking asshole! If anyone was hurt here, it was the matra he just bowled over! But the young recruit plastered on a fake smile, moving to scrape up his scattered cards off the floor. “Of course! I’m so sorry, Acting Grand Sage,” he apologized again through gritted teeth.

“Do you need help?” Cyno asked, beginning to bend down. “If you value your cards, you should keep them in a protective case. I can recommend you some-”

However, before Cyno could actually scoop up a card, Alhaitham stuck out an arm to stop him. “Let him clean up his own mess. This is a learning experience for him,” the scribe said coldly. “Let’s go.”

And then, just like that, the Acting Grand Sage and the General Mahamatra were gone. The young matra cursed Alhaitham a thousand times in his head as he picked up the last of his deck and stomped off. His fool-proof plan had been ruined.

That night, the group of matra recruits reconvened at the tavern. After talking about their various experiences, they all came to the same conclusion: they had all been cockblocked by Alhaitham. While frustrated, the leader was determined to not give up on the bet, and his passionate enthusiasm soon inspired the others. They all planned to double down on their efforts starting the following day.

A week passed by that way. Each day, the young matra recruits would do their best at attempting to seduce the General Mahamatra. But each time, their efforts were thwarted by the Acting Grand Sage. Even when the blasted scribe was busy, Cyno seemed to be assigned to some mission or another where no one would be able to see or find him. Cyno himself seemed completely oblivious to every pass at him whatsoever.

It was growing increasingly frustrating, but the matra were stubbornly determined. They were convinced that they just needed to get the General alone and he would break. Finally, on Friday, it seemed that the bet was over. Cyno came into work wearing much more clothes than usual, a black cloak covering much of his visible skin. All of the matras’ attention immediately honed in on the General Mahamatra’s neck, where the traces of a love bite could be seen just barely peeking out of his choker. Cyno was also walking with a slight limp.

Immediately, they knew the bet was over. Someone had won, now they just needed to find out who. They crowded into a secluded corner in the House of Daena, away from prying eyes and ears. Once they all had gathered, the leader clapped once to draw their attention.

“All right, fess up. Who did it?”

Silence. The matra recruits looked around at each other with accusatory glances.

“C’mon it’s obvious that somebody won the bet. He clearly got fucked last night. Don’t you wanna claim your prize?” he prodded the group.

Still, no one confessed.

“It wasn’t me.”

“Wasn’t me either.”

“Nope.”

Everyone’s analytical gazes turned into ones of confusion. Why would the winner not want to own up to such a feat? Unless… it was none of them.

A sudden, slow clapping startled them as someone rounded the large pillar they were standing next to. None other than the Acting Grand Sage emerged, looking faintly amused for the first time. The matra all stood there in shock and slight fear, not knowing what to say. How would they even begin to explain themselves? Before anyone could speak up, he beat them to it.

“So, I believe you all owe me your first month’s wages, correct?”

#genshin impact #genshin fanfic #cytham #haino #cyno #alhaitham #fanfic #reposted from ao3

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waiterwaiterpercolator · 3 months

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Sorry but i can't stop thinking about how they fucked up shadowheart and lae'zel's original personalities for the wish fulfilment of certain parts of the fanbase

Shadowheart starts off in your company with like NET ZERO memories of her own life, experiences, relationships, personal goals, etc. Literally this guy

All she knows is that she can't trust strangers and ESPECIALLY not gith or people who freely associate with them. She doesn't know you from a hole in the ground and quite rightly limits what she tells you about anything which could put her or her mission at risk. Her goal is to do this task and get her memories back. The only reason she is with the party is because everyone else is in the same boat and the chances of survival are higher in numbers. She doesn't have to like you, she doesn't need you to like her, she just needs to get to Baldur's Gate with the macguffin. She doesn't appreciate your character prying about her or her business and i think it was (maybe still is?) possible to piss her off and gain disapproval by doing that too much.

Lae'zel is from a race where they are literally born to fight, killing and/or dying in combat. Kids killing kids in training in order to weed out the weakest. Friendliness and sentimentality aren't a thing, helping each other just supports inferiority, everyone is raised to believe that they are superior over all other races and they have more/better knowledge, culture, combat prowess, and they are generally pretty arrogant and standoffish even to each other. They have a strict hierarchy based on respecting their superiors and do not seem to really trust outsiders.

Lae'zel meets you on the nautiloid and assumes first that you are hostile, then potentially that you're a bit thick and a burden, and it isn't until you make a fair bit of progress either with impressing her or just getting through the story/her personal quest that she actually begins talking to you like she thinks you're an equal. Even when she warms up to you, the way she expresses herself is relatively lukewarm compared to high-approval karlach, for example.

Like, she has ended up stranded with a tadpole in her head on an unfamiliar plane surrounded by people who look nothing like her and have completely different motivations, priorities, affections and ways of showing them, not to mention the fact that most people who meet her are distrustful at best and terrified at worst (although she wouldn't see that as a bad thing as shown in her interaction with zorru). Everything she first experiences is completely against what she knows from her upbringing.

She starts off clearly thinking that she's surrounded by idiots who don't realise the severity of their situation and she tries to make it clear how important it is to get to a creche. The fact that she even offers for everyone to come to the creche to be purified along with her is already unusually philanthropic for a gith, but could be seen as her just wanting to avoid the spread of illithids.

Meanwhile the party could be doing any amount of dumb timewasting shit like exploring local ruins, saving tiefling kids from the consequences of their actions, or stopping to eat and sleep. She is GOING to be impatient and pissed off that they aren't heeding her, she is going to find it hard to relate to them and interact in ways which are socially acceptable to the locals. She also isn't going to trust them and is going to tell them straight how moronic they are for wasting time when they could be hours from turning into a squid. She doesn't have time for Wyll's heroics or Astarion's cheesy rehearsed pickup lines and pet names, she has to get this gd tadpole removed NOW.

Anyway I just miss the time when it felt like a challenge and a personal victory to get either of them to warm up to your character, particularly if you were playing an idealist or goody-two shoes. Now it feels like Astarion is the meanest person in the group, and he isn't even mean, he's just sarcastic and bitchy. I feel like there aren't many companions left who would (in that playthrough's canon) cheerfully follow an evil durge tav without batting an eye. I know they would probably not leave like Wyll or Karlach, but it still feels off now that their abrasive aspects and dialogue have been smoothed over.

#personal post #like i said it's just my thoughts 🤷🏼‍♂️#bg3 #vidya gaem

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lunairesrealm · 2 years

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- their love languages ღ

feat. diluc, itto, childe, kaeya, albedo, ayato

cw : gn!reader, just fluff

a/n : this is my first time trying headcanons for multiple characters at the same time so I hope this turned out good :DD

reblogs are appreciated!

diluc

Honestly, I can see his love language being quality time or acts of service. He’s not the best with words, so he tries to show it in his actions. Whether it be grandiose or just something small, he puts a lot of thought into it to make sure that you feel how much he loves you :)) Especially him being so busy with his winery affairs and protecting Mond, I think his time would be something valuable that he’d love to give to you. He’d do little favors for you as well! Something bothering you? You won’t have to deal with it ever again. Whatever you desire, with his best ability, he will grant it to you.

“what is it you wish for? If it is within my power to bestow it upon you, I will give it my consideration.”

itto

ok to me, his love language is definitely gift giving. He didn’t really have much experience prior to meeting you, so he’s pretty dumbfounded at first, but he finds that giving you little trinkets is effective in translating his love for you. Now don’t get me wrong, they might not be the most extravagant or expensive items, but what matters is that he thought of you when he decided to get it. It’s usually a souvenir he finds while going on adventures, sometimes it’s dried flowers that he so carefully handled and preserved, other times maybe a handmade bracelet made of naku weed. But no matter how big or small it is, he’s always thinking of you, and that’s what makes him so endearing :((

ajax (childe)

His love translates through quality time and gift giving. He’s mostly busy due to his fatui duties and various missions he has to accomplish, him having to travel all over teyvat for some of them, so for what he can’t make up for, he finds sending gifts a convenient way of showing that he thinks about you :) considering the abundance of mora he has in his pockets, this is no chore for him — in fact, he finds sending gifts to you as a way to ground himself when times get a little too stressful. At this point, you have gifts from every corner of teyvat, some small some big. But they’re always accompanied by a sweet letter with promises of him coming back home safely. But trust me, when he finally does get back home, best believe he’ll take you out on dates to make up for time lost <33 he just wants to be with you honestly :((

kaeya

I think we can all agree his love shows through physical touch and maybe a little gift giving. He doesn’t quite know how to express his thoughts through his words, so showing you affection through his touches is a simple yet effective way of doing just that. Maybe a hand on your waist or a hand in yours, anything to show you that he acknowledges you and that he’s always thinking of you :) he kisses your knuckles as a greeting too, thinking you look adorable when your cheeks redden and your eyes refuse to meet his. He also buys you expensive jewelry occasionally because he thinks the way they shine on your skin is absolutely beautiful, and only enhances your beauty impossibly more. He just adores you :(

albedo

Definitely in between quality time and gift giving. Most of the time he’s busy with experiments up in Dragonspine, so when he proposes to take a stroll with you through the snowy woods, it kinda takes you aback. He’s always seemed like a guy who has his priorities straight, but that’s exactly why it’s so special. He goes out of his way to spend time with you, just so he can show that he does still care for you even if he’s busy, and it’s also a nice way for him to wind down after hours of work :)) on sundays he might take you out on little picnics while he sketches a crystal fly he saw, maybe the scenery, or maybe even you — you are his muse after all <3 he’s gifted you various different portraits of you, and sometimes even things that you find beautiful. He just wants you to cherish things that you love by capturing it in a single serene moment, much like he does with you.

ayato

100% acts of service. For Ayato, it’s in his nature to show his love and dedication through handling most of the responsibilities so that you can at least be a little less stressed. It doesn’t have to be anything grand though, even just small things like holding the door open for you, or pulling your chair out for you to sit on. He just wants to show you that he’s there for you and that you can always rely on him <3 he just wants to give so much to you, so if he can make your life a little bit easier, then that’s more than enough for him. And while most of the time he can’t see you because of work, he always thinks of you while fulfilling his duties, you being the biggest motivation for him to push on :)

lunaire

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100dayproductivity · 3 months

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25/100.

I am sooo tired today. Anyone else? 🙋‍♀️ One thing I am noticing about myself is that my energy comes in ebbs and flows. Or maybe it's fits and spurts? 🤔 I can have a really energized, productive couple of days, then I crash. And I'm always trying to fight this/feel guilty about it. Maybe it's time to allow myself to go with my own flow instead of fighting against it all the time.

So today is a crash day. Feeling burnt out. I've wasted a lot of time today, playing games on my phone on the couch. But sort of feeling bored with doing nothing as well. So I thought I might as well update Tumblr on my venture into bullet journaling.

It's only been a few days but going well so far. I've been writing absolutely every little task, and sub-task, that pops into my head. Has really helped me keep on track. I'm finding that I feel a little more relaxed when I jot something down because I know that as long as I keep referring to my list, I won't forget anything I was going to do. It could be something as simple as not forgetting that there are wet clothes in the wash that need to be put in the dryer. Or that I need to remember to pick up some milk on my way back from the post office. Jotting it down seems to free up some mental energy I would normally use to keep these little tasks in the back of my mind while doing larger tasks. It's also been helping me be more efficient. A few times I've noticed that while looking over my to-do list, I've been able to batch tasks together to save time and energy.

Right now I'm not feeling too anxious about doing nothing because I know what's on my list and there isn't anything on it that I can't do tomorrow. And, knowing me, after a crash like this, I will feel energized and productive again (eventually).

So, about the bullet journaling specifically: I'm starting with the bare bones, basic "core" layouts as per the Ryder Carol original bullet journal. Index, Future Log, Monthly, Weekly, Daily. No art, no fancy layouts, no frills. I added a reading log right away, as I'm currently trying to meet reading goals every night. And I just added a lights out/wake up log a couple of nights ago.

I know that you are supposed to customize your journal to your own needs, and I'm already thinking about some changes. I've already started doing a "rolling daily log" instead of migrating unfinished tasks every day. I just scratch out yesterday's date and put today's. If some unfinished tasks get left behind too many pages back, I'll migrate them then.

I'm also thinking about maybe dividing the daily log into three sections horizontally per page. As a task pops into my head, I'll jot it down in one of the three sections based on: a) priority and b) time of day. For instance, the other day I needed to remember that a neighbour was dropping by in the evening to discuss something and I had to remember to give her back her key then. It was jotted down halfway up the page, and there were a bunch of tasks that I jotted down, and completed, after it. With the three sections method, I would have instead jotted it down further down the page in the third section. That way, it wouldn't have gotten lost in the weeds of all the tasks I completed earlier in the day. I think this will just help me visually keep a rolling list of tasks that mostly get completed from top to bottom. As well, some tasks can only be done at certain times of day (i.e. during regular business hours). So if, for instance, there's something that doesn't really matter when it gets done but, when it does, it should preferably be in the morning, I'd always jot that down in the first section of the daily log. If I miss doing it, I migrate it over to the next morning's section. I'm thinking there's probably other ways I can divide the daily log page as well, like a section for kitchen chores, a section for online chores and a section for errands. That would help me batch tasks together. But I'm sure a logical setup will shake itself out as I continue using the journal.

Something I've learned about the bullet journal community: I've been watching YouTube videos for "beginner bullet journaling" and I'm beginning to understand that some people spend a lot of time making their bullet journals pretty. Like, maybe too much time. Like, maybe to the point where they quit bullet journaling because it takes too much time. Or, they don't even get started in the first place because all they see are these beautiful, trending journals and they have a panic attack before even cracking open their shiny, new, $125-dollar, leather-bound, gold-embossed, hand-made organic paper harvested on a new moon notebook. That seems like such a shame. I think we need a counter-trend: mediocre bullet journaling. I'll start. Here are the daily log pages (circled in blue) of my mediocre bullet journal. It's been about 5 days and I have three full pages of bullets already! The first two pages of bullets mostly have a lovely x beside them 👍💪

It'll be fun to look back on this and see what changes I make to the layout as I get further along in the practice.

P.S. My cataract surgery was cancelled!! Rescheduled for next week 😮‍💨 I think this is mainly why I'm feeling burnt out. I spent a lot of mental energy preparing for this last week, and now the adrenaline is gone.

#100 days of productivity #100dop #to do list #chores #procrastination #declutter #cleaning #get motivated #bullet journal #bullet journaling #bujoblr #bujo aesthetic #bujoinspo #bujo spread #bujo #cataract removal #cataract surgery

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sharkgirls · 3 months

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I loved Mostima for her character design alone. She was the perfect image of a fallen angel. Her clothes were right and her tail, horns, and halo were a lot of fun to take in at first. Her facial expression felt smug, devious, sly, this woman is up to something, and I love that that can be read from her face alone.

So what is the potentially morally grey character up to? Getting food. This bitch is hungry and she goes full tourist mode for food on the job. In spirit, her priorities match the girls of penguin logistics and she just becomes yet another crazy woman that young and impressionable Bison encounters. She also tells Bison to jump off a bridge. She doesn’t seem to to do it herself but well, that’s Mostima.

She’s on the job and she isn’t. The job has to be within her proximity. This woman stays a good mysterious distance, leaving you craving to see her again only for her to pop up and make like a banana and split.

She’s on causal terms with a Rat King. When the Rat King starts to act up, she says, “Hey, Look at my dick! Isn’t it huge?” and the Rat King responds with, “That is a very nice cock Mostima, however, mine is bigger than yours”. And she goes soft right away. She at least got to show off a bit.

By the end of Code of Brawl, we find out she is on a short leash and she attracts women like moths to the flame and how could she not?

We discover just how short that leash is in Guide Ahead. But I am going to surmise she manages to sell weed during this story before getting tugged around by her dawn destroying gf who was initially referred to as Suffering and she suffers pretty much because she has to stay handcuffed to a woman who breaks free and thinks about food and ends up telling people to jump off bridges, for their safety of course.

Still though, besides being a delivery girl, what would this woman do if she was free of Laterano and left to her own devices? Probably squirt a ketchup pentagram on her floor and try to summon demons. That or just smoke weed with girls and eat out often. Probably both.

Anyway, she’s still trapped in the box. I naturally want an Asbestos nendo, but will settle for her and Lapp for now (when I get Lapp, she expensive)

#mostima #arknights

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progmanx · 4 months

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Hi. I also love your fic very much. Please write more ๑(◕‿◕)๑ In response to that earlier ask about Nicole's sexuality, and I very much want to stress that I am not intending to actually argue or anything like that, I think the game kind of implies, intentionally or not, that Nicole just doesn't really think about men like that and didn't before the start of the game, either. She very noticeably excludes herself from the people that care about Zac Efron supposedly being gay, for example, and says she's never liked any guy enough to call him her boyfriend, which really clashes with her openly calling girls hot and very clearly being attracted to both a bunch of the girls and also Principal Lynn and wanting to be in (albeit abusive) relationships with girls. That's not to say that your reasoning doesn't make sense, of course. For what it's worth, what you wrote in regards to Nicole's general thoughts really resonated with my experience as a distinctly unaware and the deeply in denial Lesbian back in high school, and I was also kind of surprised to learn that you weren't directly going for that purely because of how well you captured that feeling. (Also I saw that you just upped the chapter count to 6 so I am currently chewing on my arm and shaking the bars of my enclosure)

THANK YOU SO MUCH! <3

It was gonna be 5 chapters, but, uh, 24k for a finale, with that much to chew on, way too much for any person to process, yeah. Need to split that.

I don't really want to get more into the weeds with this. Well. That's a lie. I love doing that. It's fun! And, yeah, nah, it doesn't read at all like you're trying to argue or anything, I totally get it. It's all good!

Personal experiences are going to greatly influence what we get out of media, and yours clearly did in a meaningful way, and that's awesome. Mine did as well, just in a different way. And probably not in the way you're thinking, lmao.

Nicole is supposed to still read as Nicole, sound like Nicole, be Nicole, first and second and fiftieth priority, regardless of whatever's going on behind the curtain on my end.

If she doesn't, then yours truly has whiffed it BIG. Because the story doesn't work if she isn't Nicole anymore. Which sounds really basic and obvious but, well, it's still true.

Like, she's not gonna suddenly realize at the end of the fic "oh I might maybe sometimes like guys" because that would be so WILDLY OOC for her that I think whoever is standing next to her might ask if she's been brainwashed or something.

The far more important thing to recognize, I think, is that despite 'what I was going for' not lining up with what you thought I was 'doing', it still resonated with you and reminded you of the stuff you went through, and how you felt about all of that.

If you and the anon were both, for the sake of simplicity, similarly surprised by seeing that in the comments section, as the actual writing in the text does not seem to imply nor suggest anything nearly that concrete, well...

That is extremely deliberate. Like I said, Nicole is Nicole. All other elements are tertiary and, in all honesty, all but irrelevant.

I also said, iirc, in that same comment that I personally am not someone who finds labels to be the most helpful, as so much of all of this, in my experience, is so hyper-dependent on the person standing next to you. I know how important they are to others, and if they help you feel more comfortable in your own skin, hey, that's awesome!

For me, for nearly every character and story I write, with very few exceptions where it is narratively or thematically relevant (or just, like, part of their fundamental character construction like Kate Kane aka Batwoman being a lesbian under DADT, or part of the pre-existing story like Korra and Asami Sato being bi), I just write the characters as who they are and let whatever potential audience I may or may not have sort it out.

That is to say: no one is ever straight, and 90% are bi/pan, because if I do my job right, and just write the people as they are, nobody will ever even know something is 'different' since sometimes it's just not the central focal point of a character.

With Nicole, you can absolutely make the case that, yeah, this is an example where it really would be. She's seventeen, all of this other shit is swirling around---I get it, I really do. I'm not even trying to say I'm right, because I don't think I am lmao.

This just what made the most sense to me, internally, behind the curtain, deep into a google doc nearing 250 pages and 85k words (it was supposed to be 30k and 3 chapters) over the course of 34 days.

I just approached this from a different angle, one that is more focused on depression and anxiety and PTSD, than necessarily sexuality. Not to discount that approach, far from it, but for the story I wanted to tell, hammering home in explicit terms that Nicole is Gayest Gay Who Ever Gayed felt like it would be somewhat distracting from what I'm going for.

Hopefully that elaborated, and thank you so much for reading, and for being so cool about reaching out! :D

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thenightlymirror · 10 months

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So, for anyone paying attention to narrative, a lot has happened in the last week.

I was going to start on Tuesday, but then remembered that quite a lot happened on Monday too. So, Friday, I suppose.

At some point Friday, after days of the superintendent telling me that he would get to my dozens of foundation requests and work orders sometime next week, I learned in the last hour that he was actually going on vacation. Which enraged me. I'm an idiot. They spent the week after Memorial Day recovering. The next week saw the GM off sick almost the entire week, while I sort of ran things.

I started Monday by explaining to the GM that nothing has been for our State of Emergency Shithole Cemetery in two weeks, even when I tried to plan ahead for the next delivery which was coming very soon. Welp.

A few minutes later, I heard her addressing the grounds crew so, stood up from my desk and crashed the meeting. These are our priorities until I receive the granite manifest. This marker needs to be done today. These, when there's time. Two weeks ago I cared about these. Fuck it. I'll be by to look for paperwork in the garage.

I found the garage breakroom table covered in unfinished stacks of my work orders, old food, and a thin, even layer of mouse shit. Buck, how do you feel about being made to eat your meals on rat shit?

"I think it's a crime."

Correct.

After collecting my papers and taking lots of photos, I talked to Buck about his various grievances. He asked me if I was a socialist. "At least," I said.

I decided to go back to the GM and confront her about the rat shit. She explained that she bleached that table a month ago, but the boys leave the door open, and even when the exterminator visits twice a month, there's nothing they can do. Also. Buck was caught feeding the mice water.

Hm.

Well, I mean, wouldn't you? Honestly. Who among us if forced to live in rat shit would not feed the miserable poisoned rats? Since you're essentially in the same boat, all about to be fired, thrown out on your asses. Murdered.

Tuesday, grounds continued get more work done. The manifest arrived. I made the No. #2 a packet with the four foundations that were absolutely necessary by next week. Andrew invited me out to trivia later than night, and I spent the rest of the day feeling tired and headachy and convinced that if I didn't go, I'd probably be alone for the rest of my short life.

So I went. It was pretty good. Most of the table seemed a little snooty, and also worried about something I wasn't a party to. Nervous. They're pretty serious about it all. We got second place in the end. I was really good at naming movies just by single frames. I also got the two other Latin American countries that use the American Dollar correct, but they weren't very confident about it. Neither was I, really.

Afterward, me and Andrew went to a bar and a girl there talked to us, got our numbers. I assumed Andrew went home with her. Maybe he did. He was discreet about it, if he did. She liked us, and we hit our stride as two (likely) bisexuals performing as horny straight men for our own amusement. It was a lot of fun.

The next day Buck and I exchanged numbers and made plans to hang out at his place, smoke weed, listen to Norwegian black metal, and watch old Incredible Hulk episodes. Nice.

There was this whole thing about going to Wisconsin to pick up some vases for a customer. The GM wanted to go. Sandra also happened to be going on the same day. I made a million calls and now it was just me picking it all up for everybody. No Spotted Cow. No Cheese Castle. Solamente Cox.

I woke up an hour early to lay in bed and feel utterly convinced I wanted to die. Something was up, and my brain turned in on itself instinctively. Always embarrassment, humiliation. Clarity. Brutal clarity. I got up. Rushed a day's work in three hours. Drove to my old cemetery where Sandra ran to give me a hug and pointed to the breakroom where Carlene was eating lunch. Something was definitely weird with Carls. Seemed miffed. I avoided immediately attacking Harper and talked logistics with Carlene by repeating every sentence she said until she noticed.

I entered the office to pick up the keys, and asked Harper how she was. I was pretty clear. She just kept working, didn't even look up. I just shrugged. Sandra gave me the eyes like, Holy Shit Dude, and I turned to go, but Carlene intervened like "HARPER!" and she finally looked up, so I asked her gently, Harper, what's up. How's it going, and she looked embarrassed and talked for a few minutes. Totally normal.

You could not convince me for the next four hours that is what happened. I only remembered my guts falling out on the floor in front of everyone. Hahaha. Such a sensitive baby.

Everyone at my place went on and on about how they might give me a tour, and I'd get to meet the owner and nobody there gave a shit. They just passed me through like corn. Not that they were mean in the slightest. I don't know what I expected.

I got back to the old cemetery. The new counselor-at-large was there and I said hello and she looked right fucking through me. Haha I was not quiet. She just sucks. That's fine.

I got in the office and Sandra was stuck in an email. I was like, What the hell are you doing? Can't say. Ok lol. "What the hell is wrong with everyone today?"

"I was about to say that myself," Harper says. "People standing in doorways all day." Fucking body snatchers. Then Margie caught me. Harper made the "You did this to yourself by being nice to her, and I am getting the hell out of here" face. Have a nice weekend!

I pull out of my parking space in my own car again, and rip off the front bumper. The counselors come out to laugh and Sandra clandestinely takes photographs with her phone. We all laugh for a while while no one gets to leave the parking lot, and I go straight home to Winnetka with the vases in my car.

What else?

My trainer asked if I went to the Cheese Castle. No. I was depressed. She shoots into my dms to ask me why I'm depressed. I'm fine. Just woke up this way. My brain's just broke.

I woke up this morning sadder than ever. As I got in the car, my old trainer called me and said that she got a new job. The office manager position she always wanted. Fuck all the rest. I said thank god you did something, or else I was going to have to. Congrats. She said not to tell anyone, and to get out of this place as soon as I can.

I went to work and got on the golf cart and rode around for a while, took it up to the secret lake. Hiked around. Scared some birds. Took the cart off-roading down a steep hill convinced I was going to flip myself.

Later, rushing through work, I got another call. Sandra. She's leaving. Got a job with the city. Which means. Her position will be open. I jumped out of my seat and started punching the air. Holy shit. Suddenly the day flowed right over. Not only would this whole nightmare end, I'd get the position I wanted in the first place. The position I wanted like... years from now. Gene's place. I wouldn't have to be miserable. I still doubt it will actually happen. But it might. I might just be happy. Over in the admin office between Harper and Carl. Easy.

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