#what is this properly capitalized work.. so not me

[mooncleaver]

I'm Still Here

・✶ ｡ﾟ"you didn't want to paint toji as the bad guy, to push your own sense of betrayal and hurt onto his image. you didn't want megumi to resent him."

pairings: fushiguro megumi x mother!reader, minor fushiguro toji x fem!reader

warnings: very sad baby megs, toji leaving, unprovoked insults from a child (not megumi dw)

Today has been somewhat of a tense and worrisome day. Megumi's school had called in, reporting about the fight that your son got into. This was not a totally unfamiliar situation as Megumi had always been quite.. brazen, with his actions. 

The first time he was in a fight with someone was a day you still couldn't forget. You nearly had a heart attack; the first thing you thought being that your baby boy got hurt. Back then, you didn't really know how to deal with these situations properly. You were angry, disappointed and most of all so damn worried about him and what was going on in his life. The effects of that confrontation still lingered after that day: he became more distant, avoiding your questions whenever you tried to approach him. 

You took time to rethink what happened, trying to figure out ways that would make your relationship better. That was when you'd tried to be more gentle,—still stern, but much softer—not raising your voice in frantic concern but instead, trying to talk through his feelings and how it can affect the people around him. Megumi's gotten much better at opening up about his thoughts and emotions over the years, with each time the fights becoming less and less of an occurrence at school. You've tried your best to provide that space and comfortability for him and it was easy to see that he appreciated it. 

But sometimes.. the fights reoccurred when things got really out of hand.

Sitting on the sofa in front of him, you waited patiently for his explanation of what happened and why he was involved in the altercation. There were of course, consequences to his actions, depending on what had happened.

The silence could have stretched for seconds or minutes but you made no qualms to try and make him speak before he wanted to, only putting on a reassuring expression despite the turmoil brewing inside your head. It was the one thing that you would always remember to carry whenever you spoke with him: patience. Raising a child as a single mother could be incredibly taxing but you would never ever take your exhaustion out on him. And so you learnt to be patient, to take deep breathes whenever everything felt too overwhelming.

"He said that I.." He finally trailed off mumbling—borderline whispering—the last words of his sentence.

You took his warm hands into yours, thumbs stroking circles on the back of his hand, "Can you speak up for me please sweetheart? It's alright, you can talk to me."

Megumi paused, looking pained when he recalled those memories. He'd always had kind of a still face, looking like he was bored all the time. But as his mother, it was easy to eye the quirks and minuscule movements on his face, like how he would purse his lips and have that furrow on the front of his eyebrows whenever he was feeling upset. He closed his eyes as he began to open his mouth, long eyelashes kissing the pads of his cheeks while barely-held salty tears lined each strand.

"..he said that I was so stupid.. no wonder why my dad left."

The sound of your heart breaking felt deafening in your ears, ringing with mockery of not being able to protect your child and most of all, the fact that Megumi sounded so utterly defeated under those careless and ignorant words. No one, especially a child deserved to be blamed for something so personal that wasn't their fault. That's something that will forever be carved into their hearts. Your face must've had a fiery expression as Megumi meekly asked,

"Are you angry at me?.. I'm sor-"

"No!.. no, I could never be mad at you.. you don't need to apologize for that." Swiftly, you pulled his body towards you even more, gazing directly at his face. 

"I'm sor-" Megumi chokes out, afraid that you would leave him too, just like his father did.

"Oh my sweets shh, shh, come here.."

He hastily buried his head onto your chest and wrapped his small arms around your waist, almost clawing at your shirt as he desperately sought for comfort. It was like the dam had finally broken, the waterworks beginning to spill out as his cries enveloped the mellow living room. You were now kneeling on the floor after reaching out for him, reciprocating his gesture and tightening your hug to protect him from the cruelty of the world. With every single sob your son let out you felt your heart snap painfully little by little; his tears were like diamonds that the ground never deserved to touch.

"Mama's got you,"

You let him cry his emotions out, hands never faltering in gently rubbing his hair all the way to his back. It was hard to let him go. You couldn't bare to see his grief-stricken face, the tears that trickled down his vermillion-turned skin.

Though that exact expression came right in front of your vision when Megumi reluctantly and slowly lifted his head up from the warmth of your chest to gaze right at you. He looked so fragile, like a fine china doll: orange cheeks and guileless eyes puffed up, staring so painfully sharp as if they were glaring at you, the white reflections in his stygian pupils swirling rapidly in a whirlwind of turmoil and anguish.

"Did he leave because of me?"

The suffocating atmosphere became even more palpable now.

His question left your mouth hanging open, words caught up in the back of your throat as your breathe hitched precipitously.

You yourself didn't even know exactly why he suddenly left, only vaguely saying that Megumi would have a better life with you. And you believed him, fully and truly with all your heart because you loved him. With the circumstances—Megumi's future, particularly—it was understandable to a certain extent how that would become a factor to his decision, but that didn't justify the fact that he left his son without saying goodbye, or left your family without a speck of dirt expect for the fact that you see him every, single, day in Megumi's face. Hell, you didn't even know if he was still alive out there or not.

"Oh, honey.. of course not," you really we're struggling to keep a soothing face on. Out of instinct, your palms made their way onto his plump cheeks, cradling his face as you leaned closer.

"It's- it's difficult to explain, but it's not anything that you've done."

Gently stroking his cheeks, you took a deep breathe and completed your words delicately, "The world we live in... it's dangerous, and your father was trying to protect us. We are so, so sorry. And I-.. I know it can be hard, but he loves you, Megumi. We both love you very much."

It really wasn't much, but it was an answer. It was flawed too, filled with holes and unanswered questions that felt too far to reach, too unknown.

Your own heart was in cavernous disarray. You didn't want to paint Toji as the bad guy,—though arguably he seemed like it—to push your own sense of betrayal and hurt onto his image. You didn't want Megumi to resent him.

In the course of time, he deserved a proper explanation of what happened—one that wasn't too vague and simplified. Megumi had always been someone who felt deeply and there's a big chance that your son would have a seed of doubt and dislike inside of him, but all you wanted to do right now was give him comfort and the closure that he wasn't the catalyst of your separation.

Of course, you didn't forget to tackle the issue that was that menace classmate of his. Words are powerful weapons, and you intend to wield them in a positive manner. "Listen to me my love, you are the most brilliant and amazing boy I could ever have been blessed with. Remember that Megumi, you are our blessing. You have more bravery and love inside your heart than anybody and never, never let anyone take that away from you, okay?"

"..okay." He sniffled, wiping his tears away with the sleeve of his blazer.

"Mama loves you ‘Gumi, and you're not stupid. Don't listen to that boy and if he ever says anything like that again, tell me right away. I promise I won't be mad. It's right to defend yourself, but sometimes.. sometimes you have to be the bigger person." You reassured. When Megumi nodded in understanding, you started to press loving kisses to his forehead and eyelids until he squirmed and giggled; you relished in the small joy he displayed.

"Should we get some ice cream after this? How does that sound?" Food was truly the solution for everything.

In response, Megumi seemed to light up at the offer but furrowed his brows after and shyly looked at you with the most beautifully large, watery viridian eyes.

"Can we have yakisoba instead, please?"

Hah.. you should've known. The boy really liked anything with ginger.

"Of course we can." You replied, letting out a breathe chuckle as you ruffled his hair softly. Getting up from the carpet with slightly aching knees, you mustered a sweet, small smile and held out your hands to his, ready for a nice and warm meal to wash the heartache away.

WHAT DID YALL THINK OMG?? im a lil nervous bc i literally dont ever post anything other than pjo here.. but i actually write for a few other characters as well!

if you see this on wattpad btw, that's me! it's from my book 'rainbow connection' :D

also if this actually gets notes i will definitely be open to posting some of my other mamaguro!reader fics hehe

#fuck toji but also like.. fuck toji 😳 #megs is in 1st grade in this btw #i fuckin love giving love to affection-deprived characters #fushiguro toji x reader #jjk fushiguro #fushiguro megumi #toji x reader #mamagumi #mamaguro #megumi x mom reader #megumi fushiguro #megumi angst #megumi fluff #megumi fushiguro jjk #jjk #jjk angst #jjk fluff #jjk toji #what is this properly capitalized work.. so not me #fushiguro x reader #megumi x reader #jjk fic #toji fushiguro

[mctreeleth]

Something something commodification of hobbies resulting in alienated leisure as parallel to alienated labour... disconnect from “product” in both instances... alienated from leisure activities through need to commodify under rules of post-Fordist neoliberal capitalist hustle culture... if the goal is to enjoy the effort, putting a price on that effort transforms said effort into labour/done for profit rather than enjoyment, and so the individual is alienated from their goal of enjoyment in service of the new capitalism, in much the same way that a worker is alienated from their labour under Fordist capitalism... something something “the market” as boss to self-employed individuals... something something the algorithm is more fickle than the man in head office and you don’t even have a union....

#I don't regret dropping out of PhD because I am alive to look back at it and therefore I made the right decisions #because the wrong decision would have been pushing on even though it was so so so bad for my mental health that I wouldn't be here #but I spent a good few years railing against post-Fordist capitalism and then went and got myself a very Fordist factory job #and I am much happier doing that than I think I would be trying to commodify the activities that I do for leisure #I put in my 38 hours of time and yes someone else is making money off of it #however #every time I see a reel on instagram that is a small business literally dancing so that the algorithm will favour it #I see the parallels between all these people who ''are their own bosses'' and me who has an actual boss #both of us subject to the whims of *some other thing* #but my creative output is not mired in capitalism's tendrils #I am connected wholly to the things I create #it is for me it is not for ''the market'' #I don't need to care that what I do at work is an atomised part of some larger thing when I can make a coat start to finish after work #but somethings you have a thought and realise you gave up the chance to just write this sort of stuff properly for the rest of your life #like okay yes that would have also made me utterly utterly miserable #and maybe I would not have had this particular realisation were I not literally at a factory job right now #but it was nice to have my thoughts validated by people who knew their shit

[x-pair-o-dice-x]

I reallllyyyyyy didn't mean it that way I was trying to respond to your little bored in class thing and I wasn't sure what to say or a better way to say it

I'm really sorry, I didn't mean offense, I forget that tones are lost in text and as much as I tilted the words I really couldn't make it sound as playful as that was in my head

Again, I'm really sorry, I honestly didn't realize it would be taken that way

it’s fine, i guess- now you know not to do it in the future.

#asks #tbf tho i haven’t posted anything for my aus since; like.. august? of 2022? #so i would assume asking me to continue writing something that i haven’t touched in about half a year wouldn’t be something ppl would ask me #or something like that #that’s on me tho; i guess #there are more pushover people out there than you; anon- at least you’re apologizing;; fkmfkfmfkfm #if you want more by nature au content; i’d check the tag i made for it; if you haven’t already #it’s got a lot of stuff in it- drawings; writings; and other various info #plus i think i explained what i wanted the next fics in the series to be in one of the posts #or you could check out my other works; if you really want more dice content #(if any fics you read have an option to go to ao3; i’d highly recommend checking out the ao3 version instead #they’re properly capitalized + they have less mistakes) #also unrelated but the bored in class thing was hours ago fkmfkfmfkf #tho tbf you ARE the only person who sent in an ask at all; so #thanks for that /gen

[lepidopterium]

+.

#ed ment in tags #triggering tags ahead -> #***************************that should do it #i keep telling myself im too smart for an ED as if ppl with EDs wouldn't be sick if they knew better #i tell myself that dieting is evil and that this is a product of capitalism #that food is a gift that i need to be grateful for and that i can get joy out of food if i try #i remind myself of how bad i flare up when i dont properly eat #and that the body is a time capsule. it changes and reflects what im going through. its normal #that not eating isnt being mindful. that i need to eat to exercise and be physically strong #and to maintain my mental clarity and emotional well being #and that im being vain by fretting over my appearance so much #that an ed isnt self control. its a loss of control to destructive thoughts and anxiety #and yet im still struggling. im still one step away from throwing the money i dont have into makeup to make myself look perfect #i want to be perfect. healthy and unblemished and sophisticated and kind and intelligent #and that way I'll be loved for real. i wont have to ask or beg bc I'll always feel loved without doing a thing myself #but i know thats all a lie. i know im already loved even if those who love me dont show it enough (for me) #i know i can live a life outside of extremes and that this anxiety doesnt own me #which is why i think im too smart for an ed. but thats not how it works #i went out everyday of the week doing physically strenuous things till i could barely walk and i felt like god #i don't know if im eating enough. i think somedays i do other days i dont #im trying to familiarize myself with what groceries we have so i can start making food for myself #if i can make enough food while my mom is asleep ill be set for the day. but how do i maintain that. ugh #its so many things messing with my ability to eat #but it mostly feels manageable. except when i look at the mirror or the scale. ive never weighed this much before #suddenly theres more of me than i know how to handle

[blockgamepirate]

This is my petty complaint time, this video annoys me SO MUCH and even more so what annoys me is that the latest comment on it is this:

HE TAUGHT YOU SO MUCH BULLSHIT, PLEASE NO, DON'T LISTEN TO HIM

And yes, I've been thinking about this stream for nearly three years now, I've been meaning to go through it to critique Wilbur's arguments, I just never got around to it

Wilbur: "Tubbo, you've created an anti-state capitalist dystopia"

So all Tubbo had explained so far was that his town had a big company that owned two other big companies. Nothing about the government or anything. It's true that one company owning all the major businesses is pretty dystopian, sure, but I have no idea where Wilbur got the "anti-state" thing from, usually capitalist companies are fine with the existence of states, states do a lot of dirty work for the capitalists

Spoiler alert: Tubbo's city turns out to be pretty much a city state so Wilbur is just wrong anyway, not that he ever acknowledges it even when it does come up

Also it's not like corporate acquisitions are completely unheard of in the UK, as far as I know. Admittedly the UK is also arguably a capitalist dystopia but you know what I mean, the concept shouldn't be all that shocking to Wilbur

He's being so dramatic and trying to make it sound like he's caught Tubbo in a mistake or something. He also keeps asking questions and then not letting Tubbo answer properly before taking like one word Tubbo says and running with it

But this is the one that I find the most obnoxious:

T: "I did some research into like economics and stuff and I discovered this thing called UBI, have you heard of it?"

W: "What's it stand for?"

T: "Universal Basic Income"

W: "Yeah, I know about that"

He clearly does not know what UBI is.

It becomes very apparent very quickly:

W: "So you've got universal basic income but then also the rich exist still?"

T: "Yeah! Yeah they do."

W: "How does that come about then,"

T: "So in my mind--"

W: "is this universal basic income different for different people?"

T: "No, no, the universal basic income is better for everyone, just the people who have--"

W: "In order for there to be a 1% that means someone's earning more,"

T: "Yes, someone is earning more"

W: "but that means the universal basic income isn't universal!"

T: "No no no, not everyone's getting paid the same but everyone gets the same to begin with, okay? But then you can build on top of it."

W: "Oh no, you've got a-- Tubbo, you've got a fucking social point system!"

T: "Have I made a social point system??"

W: "Tubbo, you've made China!"

None of what Wilbur says makes ANY sense here. The only explanation I can think of is that he didn't know what UBI was, made an assumption that it just meant "everybody gets paid the same amount of money" or something like that and then just spoke fast enough that Tubbo couldn't correct him

Tubbo is correct here, Tubbo knows what he's talking about, but he can't out-speak Wilbur who is just throwing so much bullshit out of his mouth that there's no time to even respond

So, UBI means that everyone in the society gets a regular payment of a specific amount of money that's the same for everyone regardless of their life situation (and generally a requirement would be that it has to be enough to live on, altho people do like to water this down a lot...) This would be completely irrelevant to your wages or salary or capital gains. You can choose to either live on the UBI or you can just do the regular capitalist things to earn extra money on top of the UBI

Obviously I'm not one of those people who think that UBI would solve all of world's problems, I mean I am an anarchist and all (and not an ancap either), but it's literally just a very streamlined welfare system. That's all. It would probably be a lot better than the current models we have but it's not fundamentally different. There's nothing particularly weird about it, the point is just to make sure that everyone has enough money to live on, in every other regard it's just normal capitalism

Wilbur completely misunderstands the whole thing (because, again, he does not know what UBI is so he's just trying to imagine what it might mean based on what Tubbo is saying) and jumps immediately to something he apparently has heard of, which is the Chinese social credit system, which has nothing to do with UBI. In fact I'm pretty sure it also doesn't actually have anything to do with income either, or at least not directly, so I don't think Wilbur knows what the social credit system is either

He's literally just talking in buzzwords

Like if you actually wanted to make a leftist critique of Tubbo's city, you could, don't get me wrong. But instead Wilbur keeps insisting that he's made a social point system despite Tubbo trying to explain why it's not that at all

Wilbur just keeps yelling over Tubbo until his own chat turns against him and finally Tubbo himself also kinda gives up

And from there Tubbo also kinda just starts playing into the bit and just lets Wilbur direct the whole conversation, the rest of it is just them getting more and more into the roleplay. Wilbur keeps talking about the state pension plan, even though Tubbo already tried to explain that it's part of the UBI (this actually is how UBI is supposed to work, it does indeed streamline most of the welfare spending! Obviously you can still raise questions about that (I can think of a few at least) but Wilbur didn't let Tubbo explain so I have no idea what Tubbo actually had in mind)

I could try to go through all of what Wilbur says here but it's just too much, so maybe some other time. Although to be honest there are so many other streams that I probably should talk about instead that some fans unfortunately took a bit too seriously because they assumed Wilbur knew what he was talking about

My point here is mainly that just because someone sounds really confident and knows a bunch of buzzwords doesn't mean they know what they're talking about.

#wilbur soot #tubbo #this is literally just petty grumbling #not a serious post #altho i do genuinely hope that people reconsider all the things they've 'learned' from wilbur

[onlyhuis]

behave!

member — jeonghan x f reader genre — smut word count — 2.1k synopsis — you like misbehaving, and jeonghan likes putting you in your place. even more so when you know you're being filmed. smut warnings — descriptions of female anatomy, mean dom jeonghan, hannie is a sadist but reader is a masochist so it works out, hate sex (spoiler: it's pretend!), heavy degredation mixed with praise, oral (reader receiving), some fingering, edging, one (1) ruined orgasm, sexual acts on camera, choking, marking, begging, spitting in reader's mouth, reader is a capital b Brat, some borderline pet play (??), maybe kinda bulge kink but only for a second, nicknames (slut, whore, bitch, puppy, angel, good girl), hannie is called sir a couple times, everything is shown to be consensual beforehand!! implied established relationship, aftercare, playful banter between hannie & reader, the ending is soft notes — this is payback for @duhnova and @onlymingyus because i love torturing you both. i wish i had more notes to say about this but i literally wrote it at 3am after i told yall i was going to sleep oopsies (also tagging @lovelyhan because you need to suffer too!!)

“smile for the camera, baby,” jeonghan grins mischievously, holding his phone in one hand as he traces his fingers over your stomach.

“fuck you, jeonghan!”

he tsks, index finger circling around your belly button. “you won’t get to, not with that attitude.”

you stay silent and give him a glare, watching as his fingers slowly travel lower, ghosting over your skin. he’s teasing, and both of you know it. but although there’s nothing you can do to stop it, you don’t even really want to.

he presses his hand flat against your stomach and automatically you let out a whimper, feeling the tension already beginning to build in your core and you’re not even halfway undressed yet. he relishes in your involuntary sounds, knowing that no matter how you pout and pretend to be angry with him and try to hide them from him, he knows your body like the back of his own hand and it won’t be long until he’s got you screaming his name.

he pushes harder and your hands grab at his wrist, unclear whether you’re trying to push him away or hold him in place to add even more pressure. you can’t help the way your legs slide further and further apart, wordlessly begging him to do more than he’s already doing, because it’s not enough.

“you feel that, baby?” he says, pressing the heel of his palm into your abdomen. “feel how empty you are?”

you keep your mouth shut, determined to continue being a brat as long as he’s got his camera out. you already know that watching this recording back the next time you’re horny will be a damn treat, and you’re enjoying riling him up just as much as he enjoys you doing it. misbehaving is half the fun, after all; and when the reward is so sweet, how could you resist?

jeonghan clicks his teeth, tsking at your lack of a response. “if you aren’t gonna talk, then i might as well just put this away and go on with my day. but i know my little whore wouldn’t like that, would they?”

“and why should i say anything to you?” you spit back at him, and your stomach jumps in anticipation when you see his eyes light up at your words.

his nostrils flare as he sets his phone down on the table, giving it no more than a half second of thought on whether or not he’s propped it up properly before he’s bending over you, face to face in a split second.

his hand is still flat against your stomach, and the tip of his nose presses against your cheek with how close he suddenly is to your face. his breath is warm on your lips, and your heart races as you try to guess what he’s about to say to you.

“because, i can just leave you here, soaking wet and painfully horny and it wouldn’t bother me one bit,” he says, “i know your adorable little panties are ruined right now and you’re dripping onto the fucking sheets. i could smell you a mile away like a bitch in heat, that’s how bad you want me. and if you keep acting like a fucking brat, you aren’t going to get any of me. is that clear?”

you nod without a word, knowing it’s not the reaction he wants and purposefully not giving it to him as a final act of defiance. you know him well enough to know he’s reaching the end of his patience, and you can’t keep up being a brat forever. not when you can see how thick the bulge in his pants is, not when you can see the veins popping out in his arms, not when you can see that look in his eyes when you know he’s going to fuck you so hard you’ll be feeling it for days afterward.

he sits up and his hand on your stomach flies to your chin, gripping it tightly. on instinct your lips part in compliance as he forces your jaw open and puckers his lips, violently spitting into your eagerly awaiting mouth.

he wipes the remnants of spit from around his mouth with the back of his free hand, still holding onto your jaw with his other. “when i say speak, i mean speak, bitch. if i say bark, you bark. use your words like a good puppy and i’ll reward you, but disobey me and i’ll make you regret every second of it.”

jeonghan lets go of your mouth and you exhale a shaky but excited breath, this time quick to give him an answer. “yes, sir.”

he leans over you to adjust his phone on the nightstand, eyes narrowing with a sly smile. “now that’s a good girl. see how easy that was?”

“yes, sir,” you answer again. you know this part of the routine; he doesn’t do rhetorical questions, and you know better than not to answer him now.

when he’s satisfied with the camera’s placement he leans back down over you, his lips just centimeters above yours. this time you can’t hide your whines, and he coos. “aw, sweetheart, did it hurt when i grabbed you? want me to kiss it better for you, my little angel?” there’s just enough sarcasm in his tone to know he doesn’t care whether or not it hurt, and he won’t kiss it better, no matter what your answer is.

again it’s a trick question, and again you know exactly what response he’s looking for. “no, sir,” you whisper, barely enough space between you and him for you to move your lips to speak. “i liked it. sir.”

he grins sadistically, pressing a gentle kiss to the corner of your mouth anyways. “what a good whore,” he praises, “taking what i give you so well.”

he moves on to your neck, biting roughly at the skin below your jaw and sucking for so long you’re sure he can feel your pulse jump each time a new bruise begins to form.

“jeonghan—” you gasp out his name as he moves lower to your collarbones, teeth scratching along your skin as he stares up at you through his pretty long lashes, never breaking the eye contact despite how you writhe beneath him.

“that’s a good girl,” he says, his mouth hovering over your nipple as he looks up at you. “let me hear all those pretty sounds you make. need to hear how good i’m making you feel.”

his tongue laves over your breast and you arch your back up into him, struggling to keep your voice from breaking as you reply with another “yes, sir”.

you’re aware that he’s still teasing you as he works his way down your body, taking longer than necessary to get to where you really want him to be. but the feeling of his mouth covering every inch of your skin is too good to pass up, despite the way your cunt throbs and the uncomfortable feeling of your ruined panties sticking to your soaked folds. 

but finally, mercifully, he must decide that even he’s had enough teasing for one night, because he slides down in between your legs, pressing a kiss to your clit over the fabric of your underwear.

you exhale as tears begin to form in your eyes, already exhausted from being edged and denied and he’s still barely done a thing. “god, fuck— hannie, please, more, please give me more, please—” you babble, your hands gripping the sheets below you until your fingers begin to numb.

usually when you piss him off it’ll take a lot more begging than that to get him to cave, but he must be feeling generous today because he just smiles, fingertips hooking into the waistband of your underwear as he slides them down your legs. “sound so nice when you beg, angel. now look at how you get rewarded when you behave.”

“wait, jeongha—”

and that’s all the warning you get before he dives in. his hands pry apart your thighs, roughly pinning your legs to the bed as his mouth wraps around your clit and he begins to suck as hard as he can. your vision goes black for a second as you struggle to process the sudden stimulation, and your brain can’t catch up quick enough with how fast and rough jeonghan’s tongue moves against you in unpredictable patterns and movements.

you open your mouth to tell him that you’re right at the edge, you’re close you’re so fucking close it feels like you might die, but your breath catches in your throat before you can say a word and you feel yourself start to crest into your orgasm without warning.

until jeonghan pulls away, and your pussy clenches hard around nothing but air. the sudden change in pace is jarring, but it’s already too late to stop yourself from falling over the edge; except the edge is gone, your orgasm ruined at just the right moment.

your chest tightens and your lungs burn, gasping for air as your orgasm crumbles away into nothingness. each pulse of your cunt sears through your entire body and your veins feel like they’re on fire, the usual pleasure from your high stopped short by jeonghan taking it away from you. 

in the back of your mind you realize that of course he could tell you were close, of course he kept going and of course he knew exactly when to stop so that you wouldn’t get a single ounce of pleasure out of it, because he just knows you that well. even if you had tried to hide it, you wouldn’t have been able to: whatever jeonghan does, your body listens and obeys.

the tears finally spill down your cheeks, eyes squeezed shut as you scream in frustration, every nerve in your body on edge and every muscle tensed.

when you regain your breath enough to open your eyes again, you see jeonghan sitting below you looking smug. “oops,” he says nonchalantly, and if you had any energy left in your body you would’ve slapped him.

“god, i hate you so fucking much,” you rasp out, and he grins contentedly and presses a little kiss to the inside of your thigh before he sits up.

“you know you love me,” he giggles. 

he reaches over to the table to turn off the camera and set his phone facedown before he moves out from between your legs. you close your eyes again and sigh, your whole body feeling like jelly as you breathe in and out, slowly coming back down to earth.

“you just wanna take a break, or are you done for tonight? that sounded rough,” jeonghan says, and when you open your eyes again he’s sitting next to you on the bed holding a glass of water. with a groan you force yourself to sit up as he holds the glass in front of your mouth to help you drink.

“if i could move my arms right now, i would splash this right in your face, hannie.”

he laughs, thoroughly used to your post-orgasmic insults by now. “and honestly, i’d deserve it. that was a little mean even for me, huh?” 

you snort, leaning your head back against the headboard. “yeah, it was. asshole.”

he smiles, his eyes much softer now than before. “but it was hot, though,” he says excitedly. “i can’t fucking wait to watch that video. it might be my new favorite.”

you glare at him, eyebrows knitted into a pout. “i was literally on the verge of death and you thought it was hot?”

“oh, shut up. you thought it was hot, too, and you know it. that’s why you do your little brat routine every time i start recording, because you know you love it.”

you don’t have the brainpower to come up with a comeback for that, because he’s right. rough and nasty and fast is exactly the way you like it, maybe even more than he does at times. but once that feral side of you is satiated with an orgasm powerful enough to nearly knock you out, it leaves you to better appreciate the other things he’s good at: like holding you close and making you feel safe and loved, or kissing you all over and making sure he didn’t really hurt you with anything he did, or helping you drink water when your bones feel like mush.

you huff and roll your eyes at him. “can you just fuck me now, please? i’m still mad at you. start making up for it.”

he sets your empty glass down on the table and climbs back over you to gently kiss your lips, still dry from how much you were moaning. “mm, of course i can do that. your wish is my command, angel.”

i hope you enjoyed this!! if you did, consider reblogging or leaving a comment or an ask :) it shows me this is something people want to see more of, and knowing people like this makes me want to write more of it! thanks for reading!!

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[finniestoncrane]

Ik this is sorta late depending on time zones and this ask being cheesy as hell but what would the Riddlers do for Valentine's Day with reader? Something cheesy asf? Or not celebrating it at all? I wanna know I'm curious as hell now

Valentine's Date

Riddler Headcanons gosh i rushed so fast to get this done today!! luckily, it was a blessing as work was SLOW! so here are the boys and how they would celebrate valentine's day in my mind because i am down bad for them all and live in a fantasy world where they would all try and do something nice for you 💚 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: suggestive stuff but it's mostly fluff!!

young justice

i can almost guarantee that if you're spending valentine's day with him, it'll be the first one he's had with a partner

so he is pushing the boat out. or... as best as he can... what with the nerves

he wouldn't do something too extravagant, not too fancy or big. that would only increase the number of people he might embarrass himself in front of

he's far more keen on taking you to a quiet, unexpected but comfortable restaurant with quiet music and only a few tables, so he can talk to you and hear you properly

he'd buy you a single rose, hire the violinist to play a song by your table, your favourite tune

no dancing, he's got two left feet, but he will reach across the table and hold your hand, stroking it with his thumb and looking into your eyes

and when he takes you home, he'll walk you to your door and offer you a shy, reserved kiss

whether or not you pull him through the door by his tie and ravage the poor beast is up to you

unburied

he wouldn't actually ask you out for valentine's day

he'd give you a rant about capitalism and how it's a made up holiday and that you should keep your calendar clear anyway just in case he decides to do an ironic date

you'd think his goal was to embarrass you, in fact, because he's showing up to your house with a little remote control and blasting your favourite song out of every speaker system you own

"hey, sh... don't ask how i know your favourite song or how i got control of your devices. just... stop thinking about it. hey. hey! you're thinking about it... don't think about it, sh you're too pretty to think about it. let me think about it, i'm smarter and prettier"

dinner isn't anything too special either. takeout pizza on a rooftop in gotham somewhere. it could be romantic though, and it would be to someone desperately in love with him like you

listening to him talk about light pollution, asking if you want to hear some riddles about constellations, pointing out the various places he's hid from his enemies

it's not traditional by any means, but it is oddly romantic. dinner, music, time alone under the dulled stars. maybe that was his plan all along

gotham

oh we are going WHOLE HOG here for valentine's day!! you know he's an old romantic, a sweet and gentle soul

so don't think for a moment that you'll be seeing any other people that day, your attention will be solely focused on each other

he's sent, uh... someone has sent in some miscellaneous threat to your workplace, so luckily for you(!) you're not required to go in! SO SURPRISE!! he's here to make you breakfast

and then a brief walk down some of the quieter streets, where he might be brave enough to ask if he can hold your hand

once you're at his apartment, you're in for some respectable but tension filled cuddles on his sofa while you watch some classic romance movies

and then he's making a beautiful three course meal for you both! pressed tablecloth on his little dining table, roses in a conical flask, candles in test tubes (is he stealing these from work?)

he'll feed you little bits of food, wiping your face with a napkin, staring into your eyes dreamily

and then the night will end with a perfect and very polite kiss that you'll wish wouldn't end

telltale

he knows how to do romance, he's been around long enough. it's more a question of whether he can be bothered to celebrate

but he'll pull himself together and act the perfect gentleman for you, regardless of how tired he is after a day of committing violent/cyber crime and being oddly agile for a man in receipt of a state pension

(a fact which will come in handy at the end of the evening...)

he'll start off the evening with the traditional gifts. a box of expensive chocolates or candy, perfectly suited to your dietary requirements of course. and a bouquet of flowers. not roses, but your favourites. he knows they'll make you happier

he's not one for being out in public, what with the whole "is he dead" thing, so you'll be dining in BUT to make it special, he has hired a discreet personal chef to provide the food for the evening

slow, quiet jazz playing in the background, just you, him, and the waiters he has hired and has threatened under extreme violence to keep their mouths shut about this particular shift

could it get any more romantic??

arkham

bless his heart but this eddie is forgetting that it's valentine's day until you're handing him a card, grasping it between his dirty fingers, smudging the soft pink colour with grimy fingerprints

then, you'll endure a fifteen minute long lecture about why you should have at least had the sense to warn him in advance, or to remind him, since you know how he can be

and when he's done, he'll be pushing you out of the room, getting rid of you so he can "finish his important work" and only then can you consider "doing something for this silly holiday"

really, he's just looking for an excuse to get you away so he can work on your very last minute present without you seeing

which of course, he'll present to you as though he had been pretending to forget all along

"i made you this, it's a symbol of our relationship"

it's the remnants of a neon question mark bent into place to resemble a heart. and there's hot glue still drying on it. and a screw stuck to it

but it's the thought that counts, and the thought is there! after all he loves you enough to have lied and put aside his important welding or whatever to haphazardly craft the lie

dano

for him, valentine's day is about showing your love for someone. because you can love them every day, but this is an excuse to make a display out of it

so expect a myriad of gifts, food, perfumes, vouchers, jewellery, stuffed animals, flowers, a handmade valentine's card

enough that it makes you guilty (and enough that you wonder if he really has just been saving all his salary instead of spending it on... furniture or therapy)

then, the personalised activities! most of which involve you doing his quiz all about you and your relationship with him, solving several riddles that lead you to a hidden compartment in the wall of his bedroom (weird.) where he's stuffed his poems to you (sweet!) which he will then recite to you, stuttering over the words and blushing the whole time

but it's not enough for him, he wants to shout it from the rooftops, show the world how much he loves you and appreciates you

he's had all this love bottled up for so long with no one deserving to give it to! let's just hope it comes out in a healthy way...

btaa

he's swooping in to your apartment very late at night

"it's only 11pm, it's still valentine's day mi amorrrrr"

look, he's very sorry that he wasn't able to spend the day with you, and that he's incredibly late to the dinner you had planned

but he's a busy little criminal, he has so many things to do AND he had to do it all by himself because he gave miss tuesday the day off so she could go on a date of her own and-

oh see! you've changed your mind now, no longer grumpy, because he was actually doing something kind for someone else

he really is a generous soul, emphasised by the fact that the reason he was late was because he was pulling off a perfect heist in a jewellery store uptown

so... did you save any leftovers for him? or is he going to have to return this beautiful ring/watch/necklace he bought you?

twojar

he's a curveball, like seriously give you whiplash kind of valentine's date

you think it's going to be a very standard evening, after all there you both are in black tie best, sipping expensive champagne, him talking about himself while you try hard not to stare at his tits

but when the meal is finished, he goes to pay in secret and then rushes you out into a car with tinted windows, and it's lucky he can get you so hot and flushed and eager that quickly, since it's not long before you arrive at the next spot

a strip club

which is? i mean not a traditional valentine's day date location, but it could be very hot

and he's booked one of the private rooms for you both, so at least you won't have to hide your blushing cheeks from the rest of the guests

but it becomes very obvious that there isn't a dancer coming to entertain you, and you worry that he expects you to get up there and put on a show, which would be a disaster because you haven't planned anything and-

"happy valentine's day"

ah. of course. why would the world's most self-absorbed man think you would want anything else for valentine's day than a private strip tease from him

and he's annoyingly very right in that assumption

btas

he absolutely does the most! and the most is often cheesy and dorky and therefor a million times more precious

the kind of guy who would buy you a rose for every day he's known you, regardless of how many days he has known you

the kind of guy who gets those little personalised lego figures made of you and him, or gets a plushie of him to give to you so he'll always be near you (and you know he's putting the personalised message in if he gets it from build a bear)

he knows your favourite starter, main and dessert are all from different restaurants, so he's made the reservations at all three with plenty of time for romantic rides in the back of cabs between each stop

it's important he has plenty of time to cover your neck with kisses, and for you to tell him how adorable he is

and then, because he is the cheesiest but in the best way, it's more than likely he'd use valentine's day as an excuse to propose to you, so he's down on one knee under the cloudy gotham night sky to ask you to marry him (and you're obviously not going to say no)

zero year

he doesn't do valentine's day, what a waste of time! he's nice enough to you the rest of the year, why should there be one day where he has to do something extra fo-

oh? oh! oh ok, if it means you have to do something for him too, then he's down for it

yes... that sounds like a wonderful excuse to get up to some mischief... (it's concerning how evil his little face looks when he's supposedly considering activities for the most romantic of holidays...)

although, why bother going out somewhere on a date, it's such a waste of time and effort

he has to keep his energy for more important things, and speaking of... he can think of very few ways to spend an evening that are better than taking you into the bedroom and sharing an exchange of giving for a few solid hours

no need to wear something nice, it's only going to get stripped off

no need to get him a gift, you'll be giving him plenty

and no need to eat something, he'll make sure you don't leave hungry, trust him

#finnie writes #riddler x reader #riddler x you #riddler headcanon #ridler scenario #gotham riddler #arkham riddler #young justice riddler #dano riddler #zero year riddler #batman unburied riddler #bu riddler #telltale riddler #twojar riddler #riddler #the riddler #btaa riddler #btas riddler

[hecateslore]

💌

supervisor!Simon

Way too much, actually.

You turn back to look at him and chuckle. “I should get back to work.” you concede. Simon nods and you head back to your desk. You see Johnny sitting at his, on his phone. You pick up a piece of candy, and unwrap it. The sweetness of it, hitting you in the jaw, making your face turn. 

You wanted to talk to Johnny, apologize for leaving abruptly. But your pride won’t let you. Especially after being told you looked good. Not pretty, but good. But someone else did say you looked pretty… 

But that doesn’t matter right now.

What matters is, Johnny asked you out after ignoring you all week. You didn’t hash it out properly, you just listened to him complain about your “relationship” with Simon, which there really is none.

But there is enough of a relationship for him to come into your home. 

Yeah you’re not gonna speak to him. 

You were too deep in thought, not noticing the time that's passed. You look at the mail Icon on your screen and see the email notification, 

[email protected]

Subject: ???

Do you plan on clocking in, ever??? 

S.R

You snort at the email and look up from your screen, Simon already looking at you, he taps the back of his wrist, you blow a raspberry and begin to type on your screen. 

[email protected]

Subject: Nagging Supervisor

I was eating some candy.

Also I have like four more minutes!!

-

Simon looks up from his computer, “Don’t care!” he shouts and you put your finger over your lips and shush him. He laughs in response and gets up to close his door. You giggle to yourself and clock in, waiting for some tasks to do. 

While you were typing away on your desk you could see Simon walking around the office, “Weekly monitoring”, So just him sitting at your desk, bothering you about letters you forgot to capitalize. You can hear the plastic chair being dragged behind you. It makes you cringe but that's why he does it, to annoy you. 

He pulls the chair next to your seat, he sits down and grunts from the lowness off the chair. “You good?” You ask, while turning to look at him, “Just falling apart.” he chuckles lightly, “Well, do it over there.” you tease, he flicks the back of your arm. 

You guys sit quietly for a couple of minutes, “Did he talk to you?” He asks quietly. “You really need to control the gossiping Simon.” you whisper, he shushes you, “So did he?” he urges, you snort at him, “No.” you answer even quieter than him, he leans in, “Do you think he’s ignoring you?” he whispers and then wiggles his brows, “Ew,” you chuckle at him, “Maybe. He doesn’t know you came.” you say and he backs up raising his brows.

“Well that’s news.” he crosses his arms, “I know he didn’t come.” 

“Ew Simon!” 

-

Lunchtime rolls around, You go to the little cafe across the supermarket, you sit at the little bar, drinking your smoothie and eating the little bowl you’ve been wanting to try. 

“Boo!” a deep voice says behind you, immediately recognizing the voice you turn around and see Simon with a bagel and huge bottle of water. “Are you following me?” you squint your eyes at him. “Told you I was crazy obsessed.” he says while putting his things next to yours. “Now you’re joining me?” you ask, his big frame plopping himself right next to you. 

“Yup.” he answers so casually, manspreading, his big knee leaning into your thigh. You liked his closeness. The way he would just do something. “Well that’s just great, now my appetite’s gone.” you joke. “I tend to do that.” he says, taking a bite out of the bagel.  You watch the way his temple flexes while he chews, and his jaw. That gorgeous jaw. 

“Stop staring, Simon.” he says and looks at you, you shake your head and softly giggle at his mockery. “Your bagel looks good.” you comment. “Want a piece?” he lifts it towards you, “I don’t know,” you contemplate, “I’ll cut you a piece, that’s not a problem.” he states, cleaning his hands with one of your napkins, “‘kay sure,” You say. 

“So much convincing.” he rolls his eyes, You laugh at him and his attitude. He gets up to get a  plastic knife, returning he takes the same position. He cuts it with ease, “I won’t give you the piece I bit.” he says more to himself, “I was hoping I got that piece.” you say sarcastically, 

“Oh shut it.” He laughs, “Here.” He hands you the piece of cut bagel, and you take it gladly, “I should get you back for my fruit.” he adds, “Your fruit?” you cover your mouth while talking, not wanting a piece of bread to fly out of your mouth. “You ate all my fruit on saturday.” 

“Oh!” you remember, eyes widening, “that was very good fruit.” You hold a thumbs up. “I’m sure.” He says, “What’s in your bowl?” 

“Chicken, rice and other yummy stuff.” you answer, simon picks up the plastic knife and dips it into your bowl, stealing a scoop of rice and chicken. “That’s good.” he says with a mouthful, “well that’s classy.” You look at him, “I know,” He shrugs, getting another piece. “You can always get a spoon, you know that right?” You say.  He nods, moving the food around in your bowl. “It’s just better this way.” He stuffs his mouth again, and you chuckle. 

“You’re an odd man.” you laugh, “I know.” he says almost wiping out half of your bowl, “You gonna finish that?” you point to the half empty bowl. “Mhm.” he nods, “It’s alright, I’ll eat your bagel.” you say. “That’s fine. was shit anyway.” he shrugs, you shake your head at him, “then why did you order it?” 

“It sounded good.” 

-

You both finish your meals, laughing at you both eating each other's food. Simon almost stole your drink but you had to stop him. Now you were walking side by side trying to get back to the office.

“I wanted to ask you something at your desk,” He says, breaking the comfortable silence, “What’s up?” you turn to look at him. “There’s this company thing I have to go to, And since me and Johnny- you know.” He makes the ‘cut it out' gesture, “So that means?” You encourage him to go on, 

“It means, I’m asking you to come with me. You don't have to, though, I can ask someone else.” he rambles on, 

“I can go,” 

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[nofomogirl]

Good Omen's problem with having two canons

They're fundamentally different. That's the problem. That's my point.

For quite a while I focused almost exclusively on the new season of Good Omens, but now I am slowly delving into analysis that takes the entire show into account, and I've encountered a little obstacle. Namely, things from S1 can be really tricky to interpret.

Fair warning: this post is going to zig-zag between various points but I want you to trust me and take this scenic route with me. It will take us somewhere eventually, I promise.

The Arrangement

It's one of the core elements in the Good Omens universe and at the same time a perfect example of the issue I want to discuss. So let's have a closer look together.

In the book, the Arrangement is presented to us in two passages:

the first one, where it is first - very briefly - mentioned:

Aziraphale had tried to explain [free will] to him once. The whole point, he'd said - this was somewhere around 1020, when they'd first reached their little Arrangement - the whole point was that when a human was good or bad it was because they wanted to be.

and the second one, where it is properly introduced and explained:

The Arrangement was very simple, so simple in fact, that it didn't really deserve the capital letter, which it had got for simply being in existence for so long. It was the sort of sensible arrangement that many isolated agents, working in awkward conditions a long way from their superiors, reach with their opposite number when they realize they have more in common with their immediate opponents than their remote allies. It meant a tacit non-interference in certain of each other's activities. It made certain that while neither really won, also neither really lost, and both were able to demonstrate to their masters the great strides they were making against a cunning and well-informed adversary. (...) And then, of course, it had seemed even natural that they should, as it were, hold the fort for one another whenever common sense dictated. Both were of angel stock, after all. If one was going to Hull for a quick temptation, it made sense to nip across the city and carry out a standard brief moment of divine ecstasy. It'd get done anyway, and being sensible about it gave everyone more free time and cut down on expenses.

In the show, the Arrangement is presented to us in two original scenes in the cold opening of S1E3:

(I am quoting most relevant dialogues only)

537 AD, Wessex:

C: So we're both working very hard in damp places and just canceling each other out? A: Well, you could put it like that. It is a bit damp. C: Be easier if we both stayed home. If we just send messages back to our head offices saying we'd done everything they'd asked for, wouldn't it? A: But that would be lying. C: Eh, possibly, but the end result would be the same. Cancel each other out. A: But my dear fellow... well, they'd check. Michael's a bit of a stickler. You don't want to get Gabriel upset with you. C: Oh, our lot have better things to do than verifying compliance reports from Earth. As long as they get paperwork they seem happy enough. As long as you're being seen doing something every now and again. A: No! Absolutely not! I am shocked that you would even imply such a thing. We're not having that conversation, not another word!

1601 AD, The Globe Theatre:

A: I have to be in Edinburgh at the end of the week. A couple of blessings to do. A minor miracle to perform. (...) C: I'm meant to be heading to Edinburgh too this week. Tempting a clan leader to steal some cattle. A: Doesn't sound like hard work. C: That's why I thought we should... Well, bit of a waste of effort, both of us going all the way to Scotland. A: You cannot actually be suggesting what I infer that you are implying. C: Which is? A: That just one of us goes to Edingburgh, does both. The blessing and the tempting. C: We've done it before. Dozens of times now. The Arrangement- A: Don't say that! C: Our respective offices don't actually care how things get done. They just want to know they can cross it off the list.

S2 doesn't actually reference the Arrangement. But it does reuse the dialogue about free will where the 1020 date is dropped. We will get back to it.

The challenge of adapting Good Omens

Good Omens shares a certain characteristic with all of Terry Pratchett's solo books I've read - it couldn't care less about "showing instead of telling". Which I love, just to be clear. A book is a written medium. It's made with words and one of words' major strengths is that you can use them to just tell things point blanc.

Good Omens does it a lot and it's fantastic.

Look at that second passage from the book I quoted earlier.

From just those few sentences we learn a lot about the relationships between:

Heaven and Hell (opponents and competition)

Aziraphale and Crowley (two individuals in the same position and in direct contact with each other)

Aziraphale/Crowley and Heaven/Hell (field agent and a remote HQ that are not in direct contact)

Aziraphale/Crowley and Earth (two individuals and a space they live in)

Heaven/Hell and Earth (a board where the game is played, only winning or losing matters, what actually happens on a board does not)

It's really an extra condensed worldbuilding gem sprinkled with humor, so it's no surprise it's become one of the most iconic passages from the book.

I mean, just browse through some interviews with David and Michael - especially the ones from 2019 - where they explain what Aziraphale and Crowley are about. You'll be hard-pressed to find any where they don't reference that specific paragraph, consciously or otherwise.

But it's only this neat on the pages of the book, where narration like this takes mere seconds to absorb. It's impossible to convey the same information in a visual medium with anywhere near the same efficiency.

The fact that the majority of Good Omens is like this was, in my opinion, a main challenge the adaptation faced. The book is very narration-heavy. It's full of fun facts about characters, side jokes, hilarious comments, etc. Some of that precious material was salvaged by introducing God as a narrator, but there was only so much of it you could squeeze into a TV show. The rest had to either be fit into dialogues or lost in translation from the written medium to the visual one.

Obviously, in the case of the Arrangement, it was the dialogues.

Book canon and show canon

We all know they're not the same. Neil Gaiman also pointed it out several times. But I think our mistake is that we still tend to think about them as complementary.

Look at the Arrangement again. The show canon seems to merely expand on the book canon. Add extra details and fill in the blanks. The Arrangement works the exact same way, except now we also know more about how it started.

If we compile what we know from the book with what we know from the show, we get a more detailed timeline:

Crowley first proposes the Arrangement in 537 (show).

The Arrangement starts in 1020 (book), ie. Aziraphale finally agrees to it (show - deduction); we don't know for sure if it's a "basic version" (not getting in each other's way), or a "full version" (doing each other's jobs) but we can assume it's the former.

In 1601 "full version" of the Arrangement is in place for some time (they've done it dozens of times) but Aziraphale still objects and needs convincing.

But read that description from a book once more.

Does it really fit into the version of events shown in the TV series?

The Arrangement in the book is something that just happened. A natural, and in a way inevitable result of Aziraphale and Crowley's circumstances. We are never told who came up with it first because it doesn't matter. Because it could have been either of them. Because after five millennia on Earth, they were both ready to do it. They were both of the same mind. For all we know it might have been an unspoken agreement all along!

But for the show, the creators had to come up with a good reason for the Arrangement to be discussed out loud. And what could be a more natural situation for someone to describe and explain an idea than trying to sell that idea to someone else?

For that practical reason - among many others, no doubt - the Arrangement is not only explicitly Crowley's idea, but an idea Aziraphale vehemently rejects at first. He needs to be convinced and even when he finally relents he's never entirely comfortable with it. He keeps objecting and it requires Crowley's constant effort for them to keep cooperating in any way.

The fact that Aziraphale is reluctant gives Crowley a perfect reason to keep convincing him ie. talk about the Arrangement. But the fact that he needs to explain and keep convincing Aziraphale means that Aziraphale is no longer a person who understands the same things and feels the same way.

That is a huge change.

Of course, you may say that what I've written about the Arrangement in the book is just my interpretation. It's true that technically there's nothing there that would contradict the events from the show in any way. The thing is, the events in the show aren't very compatible with the overall characterization of the ineffable duo in the book.

Evolution of Aziraphale and Crowley

You might have read that our leading pair was originally conceived as a single character that Neil and Terry eventually decided to split into two separate individuals.

My reaction when I first learned about it was: "Of course they were! That makes so much sense!" Because honestly, as a person who watched the show first and then read the book, I was surprised at how few differences there were between the two in the original text. If you squint your eyes really tight, you can see how book!Aziraphale and book!Crowley are two versions of the same character. They're far more similar than their show versions.

Most importantly, their attitudes toward Heaven and Hell are pretty much identical. Perfectly mirrored in every regard. What Hell is for Crowley, Heaven is for Aziraphale. What Hell is for Aziraphale, Heaven is for Crowley. In. Every. Possible. Way.

Allow me to present some evidence from the book.

Exhibit #1: the end of the scene where Crowley convinces Aziraphale to interfere with Warlock's upbringing

'You're saying the child isn't evil of itself?' he said slowly. 'Potentially evil. Potentially good too, I suppose. Just this huge powerful potentiality, waiting to be shaped,' said Crowley. He shrugged. 'Anyway, why're we talking about this good and evil? They're just names for sides. We know that.' 'I suppose it's got to be worth a try,' said the angel. Crowley nodded encouragingly. 'Agreed?' said the demon, holding out his hand. The angel shook it, cautiously. 'It'll certainly be more interesting than saints,' he said. 'And it'll be for the child's own good, in the long run,' said Crowley. (...)

When Crowley first points out that good and evil are just names for sides, and then insists it's something they both know, Aziraphale doesn't react in any way. That's because these aren't things that book!Aziraphale disagrees with. He does indeed know it and doesn't deny it.

Also, please note just how cynical the angel is here with his comment that influencing the Antichrist would be a more interesting project than influencing saints!

Both would be rather OOC for show!Aziraphale.

Exhibit #2: the scene just after Warlock Dowling's birthday party, when it becomes evident he is not the Antichrist

'You said it was him!' moaned Aziraphale (...) 'It was him,' said Crowley. (...) 'Then someone else must be interfering.' 'There isn't anyone else! There's just us, right? Good and Evil. One side or the other.' He thumped the steering wheel. 'You'll be amazed at the kind of things they can do to you, down there,' he said. 'I imagine they're very similar to the sort of things they can do to you up there,' said Aziraphale. 'Come off it. Your lot get ineffable mercy,' said Crowley sourly. 'Yes? Did you ever visit Gomorrah?' 'Sure' said the demon. 'There was this great little tavern where you could get these terrific fermented date-palm cocktails with nutmeg and crushed lemongrass-' 'I meant afterwards.' 'Oh.'

Can you imagine this kind of exchange in the TV series? Can you imagine show!Aziraphale being this realistic about Heaven, and show!Crowley so naive about it? There's no way.

Show!Aziraphale genuinely believes that Heaven is good at its core.

Book!Aziraphale knows Heaven isn't any different than Hell and would punish him just as ruthlessly and unfairly as Hell would Crowley.

Show!Crowley understands both Heaven and Hell on a very deep level and is highly aware of their true nature.

Book!Crowley buys a piece of celestial propaganda about ineffable mercy and actually expects Heaven to be forgiving.

Let the magnitude of that difference sink.

Exhibit #3: same scene, a bit further

'So all we've got to do is find it,' said Crowley. 'Go through the hospital records.' The Bentley's engine coughed into life and the car leapt forward, forcing Aziraphale back into the seat. 'And then what?' he said. 'And then we find the child.' 'And then what?' The angel shut his eyes as the car crabbed around the corner. 'Don't know.' 'Good grief.' 'I suppose (...) your people wouldn't consider (...) giving me asylum?' 'I was going to ask you the same thing. (...)'

This is just a cherry on top, really.

Yes, in the book, when things go pear-shaped, both Aziraphale and Crowley consider seeking asylum on the opposite side.

Do you need more proof that book canon and show canon really aren't as compatible as they may seem?

Free will

As promised, let's get back to that dialogue because while it may not be obvious at first glance it really illustrates perfectly the problem arising from balancing between two canons.

Here is the full quote from the book:

Aziraphale had tried to explain [free will] to him once. The whole point, he'd said - this was somewhere around 1020, when they'd first reached their little Arrangement - the whole point was that when a human was good or bad it was because they wanted to be. Whereas people like Crowley and, of course, himself, were set in their ways right from the start. People couldn't become truly holy, he said, unless they also had the opportunity to be definitively wicked. Crowley had thought about it for some time and, around about 1023, had said, Hang on, that only works, right, if you start everyone off equal, OK? You can't start someone off in a muddy shack in the middle of a war zone and expect them to do as well as someone born in a castle. Ah, Aziraphale had said, that's the good bit. The lower you start, the more opportunities you have. Crowley had said, That's lunatic. No, said Aziraphale, it's ineffable.

And here, for comparison, is how it was reused in S2E3:

A: There is a stolen body in that barrel! This is wicked! C: Oh, I'm down with wicked! Anyway, is it wicked? She needed the money. A: That is irrelevant. Look, I am good. You, I'm afraid, are evil. But people get a choice. You know, they cannot be truly holy unless they also get the opportunity to be wicked. She is wicked. C: Yeah, that only works if you start everyone off equal. You can't start someone off like that and expect her to do as well as someone born in a castle. A: Ah, but no, no. That's the good bit. The lower you start, the more opportunities you have. So Elspeth here has all the opportunities because she's so poor. C: That's lunacy. A: No, that's ineffable.

I'll be honest with you - I didn't like that scene in the show. It felt jarring and off. Aziraphale was acting like it was his first day on Earth and it was frustrating to watch.

Then, on one of the rewatches, just as I was rolling my eyes at "that's ineffable", a bulb lit in my brain. That line didn't work there because it wasn't created to be there! In the book and in S1 "it's ineffable" was kind of Aziraphale's catchphrase but in S2 it only appears this once. More importantly, in the book and S1, the fact that the angel would say that was all a build-up to the scene when he threw it in Heaven's face at the Tadfield Airbase. Using that word in S2 was like trying to make a running joke that has already reached its destination run again.

And just like that one line the entire dialogue didn't fit because it wasn't meant to be there. It was created for an entirely different context.

What's the difference?

Firstly, book!husbands' conviction was very shallow and it wasn't uncommon for both of them to spout slogans without meaning them. Therefore, book!Aziraphale's words didn't carry that much weight. The very fact that the conversation took place at the same time they formed the Arrangement tells us something about how serious he was. But show!Aziraphale's relationship with his beliefs is different, so when he says things like that it's a much bigger deal.

Secondly, the book explicitly states that Aziraphale and Crowley only developed free will on Earth, due to extended exposure to mankind. The show never really makes a stand on the matter but based on what we've seen so far I think we can safely assume that angels and demons are capable of making their own choices as much as humans do.

In other words, in its original context, the conversation was just Aziraphale talking about a concept he didn't fully grasp, quoting propaganda he didn't fully subscribe to. He was being ignorant and mildly obnoxious in an endearing way.

But using the same dialogue verbatim in the Resurrectionist carried a completely different meaning. Aziraphale who utters it in the show has no reason to be so ignorant about free will. Aziraphale who utters it in the show genuinely tries to defend Heaven. Most importantly, Aziraphale who utters it in the show, doesn't just idly bicker with his friend about general things but is judging an actual human individual that's right in front of them. That, more than anything else, makes it sound heartless and ignorant.

What is the problem with having two canons, exactly?

It's time to wrap things up.

In the opening paragraphs, I've mentioned that I've noticed the issue while interpreting scenes from S1, and yes, that was the case and I do believe that the existence of two canons is especially problematic for S1. That's because pretty much every scene in S1 is potentially like that dialogue about free will in S2, except subtler and harder to spot.

A grand majority of what we see and hear in S1 comes directly from the book. But while words and actions were kept, in some instances things that gave them their original meaning might no longer be valid in the show universe. Sometimes they easily take new meaning, and we don't even notice. But sometimes there's this dissonance that's not as easy to work around.

S1 deviated from the book and created its own canon. But the difference didn't seem to go very deep and it seemed perfectly reasonable to use some trivia from the book to shed some extra light on the content of the show. I used to do it in my head, even though I was aware of the changes that were made.

But S2 expanded the show canon so far beyond what was in the book that I'm really not sure it makes sense to compile them anymore.

There are a lot of things that were only explicitly stated in the book that I keep clinging to. But perhaps it's time to let go...

Thank you for your patience.

I know all of the above isn't exactly a revolutionary discovery, but I needed to get it off my chest before writing anything else.

#good omens #good omens 2 #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #good omens the book #differences between book and show #very long post #things I needed to get off my chest

[texasthoughtsaboutnothing]

EDIT: I have received several new pieces of information that I'm distributing throughout the doc that further reinforces my stance on this, and is valuable to know. Also, I have sections where I'm more clear on my stance after thinking on it for a while and following more discussions on this. I hope I don't disappoint anyone with my thoughts.

If any part of what I've written here resonated with you, I shamelessly ask that you spread it in your preferred manner, and if you feel there's parts that need work please let me know.

Still gonna regret writing this, I'm sure.

[Warning: Long. Like, really.]

Because of all the shit happening with Arknights, PM is under fire once again as it ties into the larger narrative surrounding Korea and its full on gender war (a real thing that's apparently happening).

For those who don't know, way back in July Limbus Company got the event for 4.5 that included swimsuit versions of Ishmael and Sinclair. The fact that Ishmael was in a full bodysuit while Sinclair was shirtless with a collar led the Korean equivalent of 4chan to accuse PM's lead illustrator of being a feminist, which I guess is a bad thing if you're drowning in Korean culture war bullshit.

Turns out the lead illustrator was a man so they pivoted to the CG artist Vellmori and invented a whole host of bullshit links between her and an extremist group to try and get her fired.

And in accordance with their wishes PM fired her. Except they didn't. Probably?

Most everything known from this point onwards is, bluntly, tainted. It's a lot of machine translated Korean posts or, one way or the other, hasty conclusions from people with agendas (including me, no one is immune to propaganda).

Did Vellmori reach out to a newspaper to whistleblow on PM's flagrant disregard for worker's rights? That was the story at first but follow-ups implied it might be a complete fabrication or an overstatement of her grievances (EDIT, I have received information that while there was a phonecall to Vellmori from PM, it was to set up a meeting to properly hash out next steps and any claims she was fired over the phone are incorrect, and the newspaper that reported as such quietly retracted that statement).

Did a labor union jump the gun on spreading this story to gain political capital without reaching out to PM for their side of the story? Maybe if PM's version of events is true, but that's assuming a lot of malice of an institution doing it's best (EDIT, I have received information that the people directly responsible for handling the PM issue acted independently and were later found in violation of several union laws, including allegations involving CP that I do not want to and will not get into).

PM's story is that once the harassment flared up and involved physical visits to the development office, Vellmori wanted to quit. (EDIT, I have received information that the wording of the various statements can be interpreted as Vellmori leaving of her own volition but also under encouragement; if you see claims that she was forced to resign this is what that claim references.) There was a rumor about her getting 2 years of severance pay, but I don't know if that was ever corroborated and is likely false, but she would have gotten something in accordance with Korean Law which they were found in compliance of.

Everything after announcing her termination of contract (not translating the initial announcement, framing it as a company policy issue, keeping quiet on it for months, constant vague threats of lawsuits) was supposedly a bad attempt at trying to quell the harassment by making it go away. Instead, it exploded, and now if you're a fan you'll have to deal with this coming up forever. I know there's fans who follow me that'll resent me for making this post as they just want to move on (or think I'm wrong or misrepresenting some details).

I resent making this for what its worth, and am trying my best to be accurate, but for me this is part of moving on, acknowledging the bad and the factors that mitigate it. And yes, I think there are several mitigating factors.

Why did Cassie Wei, lead singer of Project Mili who is both Korean and a woman, speak out in KJH's defense?

Why hasn't, to my knowledge, Vellmori said anything since and by and large just disappeared if she was so poorly mistreated?

Why have, again to my knowledge, none of the Voice Actors and Actresses spoken out against PM in solidarity?

Why do PM continue to have partnerships with progressive companies like Arc System Works?

Why did the labor union retract their statements against PM and apologize following an actual investigation?

EDIT: New info. Why did the labor union censure the people responsible for handling the PM issue, who later quit the group seemingly in disgrace?

Why did PM not bring their own lawyers to the meeting with Vellmori while she was allegedly encouraged to bring hers?

None of these questions completely absolve PM of wrongdoing, if you were set on condemning them it's not hard to interpret each in a very uncharitable way. For example, most of this is easily answered by the fact we live under Capitalism and we inevitably all have to swallow our morals and ideals to make rent. I could retort that maybe PM did the same by capitulating in any degree to harassment (which they have done historically as what happened with Ruina's ending) and not specifically endorsing any ideology or political belief (which is wild considering the actual content of their stories). But I think that ends with a circular argument that boils down to whether you believe in PM or not.

To be clear, even if you want to interpret all the Vellmori stuff as charitably as possible, PM undeniably fucked up and has labor issues in its history. The artist for the manga Leviathan, Monggeu, came out during the whole thing to speak on her treatment as a contractor; how she was given an impossible workload and the company denied her requests for delays, delays caused in part by suicidal depression caused by the workload. Though KJH personally apologized to her, she was let go over the phone and spoke out only after she felt the company now had a pattern of abusive work policies. The author of Wonderlab also deleted her stuff in solidarity.

That's all bad. Really bad. I stopped playing Limbus because I felt extreme disappointment with the company and managerial tendencies of KJH. Credit to a reddit user I won't name for pointing this out, but this information is far more concrete than anything involving Vellmori as Monggeu broke her silence independently months after things happened on her personal Twitter. However, there isn't nearly as much focus on this or calls for Justice for Monggeu.

This opinion is mine and mine alone, but her situation, which I must stress was awful and shameful on PM's and KJH's part, doesn't tie into a culture war like "Vellmori being fired for feminist tweets" does. It is a clear cut example of bad labor and managerial practices that lead to harm towards an employee, but its an everyday tragedy, not a martyrdom. And so I wonder how much the treatment of labor is actually part of this discussion, the more actionable issue than changing all of Korean society. I wonder if PM's supposed kowtowing to incels is highlighted above all other context because it casts PM as an enemy in a culture war.

I say the above because I've seen online culture war stuff happen before, and it scares me beyond just whether a company I like gets redeemed in the eyes of others. I have seen lives destroyed in the name of a just cause for nothing, including good progressive causes like feminism. If the only thing that would satisfy or lead to forgiveness is a revolutionary purge, do you actually want to build anything?

I digress, and I hope I didn't turn you off too much with my thoughts and fears there. It's important though, because there was ultimately an apology from PM.

In it, among other things, they laid out their flawed logic on how they wanted to handle the situation, addressed their treatment of both current employees and past contractors, and promised to improve and protect employees better. Since then, things seem to have changed at least from an outsiders' perspective. The game moved away from a strict list of deadlines and towards a more open-ended dev pipeline. The game is less buggy than it used to be after updates. They changed policies on content to make it easier to produce by limiting VA without any blowback from their VA's so we can assume proper talks were had. Translations don't have as many errors as they used to while the quality has been maintained even after losing a major translator (which is its own tale of baffling choices by the company in its own right). And they've kept all this up for Season 3 so far without any announcements of delays and, in fact, far more content than usual. All of this, to me, points to better management.

Maybe I'm naive to think so but I want to believe that the evidence points to the crimes of PM not coming from a place of malice and antifeminism but incompetence. I need to stress KJH didn't kill or rape anybody, nor was he verbally or physically abusive. He was a really shitty boss, and I understand how much it sucks to have a shitty boss, believe me. But a shitty boss can become not shitty, and my hope is that happened already, and that a company that produces good art that's worthwhile will thrive as a result.

I say all this because I actually care about this company and art it produces. If I didn't, last July wouldn't have hurt so much. If I'm cringe for it, so be it, but I believe constructive change should be recognized and rewarded, and it's for those reasons I came back after following the game for the rest of its second season.

To be clear, you don't owe a company your time or your money even if they improve their culture and policies, and if you felt that what PM or KJH has done is unforgivable you are well within your rights not to engage with it ever again or even tell others about your grievances, as much as I might disagree. But if you want them to suffer, to lose business, maybe even to go under despite how many other women work for and with them... I don't know. Please don't just think of these people as enemy units in the war against feminism? Ask yourself that if Vellmori broke her silence tomorrow and asserted she left of her own volition and condemned groups like the PMUA, would you believe her or immediately assume she's under duress?

This is not a cut and dry, black and white moral issue where a great evil needs vanquishing, it's a messy as hell moral and labor issue involving multiple people wrapped up in larger cultural and social issues no one initially involved intended. There are real people involved who stand to get hurt, not to mention who's been hurt already. Justice can involve other things than a firing squad. Please at least acknowledge that much. inb4 "No and kindly die"

EDIT, regarding the lawsuits. If you didn't know, PM is currently suing the labor union and a separate organization once called the PMUA (Project Moon Users Association) now called the KGA (Korean Gamer Association). I have seen unconfirmed reports that the former has ties to the disgraced Korean Ratings Board exposed by Blue Archive Fans for crypto bullshit. In addition, I have seen criticisms of how the PMUA used donations and their effectiveness in actual addressing PM and its labor issues, including demonstrations on days workers and management weren't even present and being the ones responsible for leaking documents that Vellmori allegedly wanted to be kept private. All of that supports PM's allegations that these organizations were in fact targeting them as part of political ploys and they never cared about any of the victims or ideals they touted as representing. For all the above, PM is suing for defamation, which is well within their rights by my reckoning. Regardless of my thoughts, this is where we are now.

Last and by no means least, feminism is good. Wanna be clear on that, I believe in equal pay, reproductive rights, that grip strength is a stupid metric to measure human rights by, that men are not owed sex and love by women regardless of circumstance, the whole shebang.

Also, what's happening in South Korea is scary and serious and bigger than just a terminally online culture war shitfest, more like an active bomb about to explode. I support the women who live there and their fight for equality, I just don't think PM fundamentally has anything to do with it and constantly trying to drag it into the line of fire feels like faux activism. I think the scope of the gender war is very far beyond the limits of gacha game discussion, or for that matter the actions of a single company of, like, 50 people.

(I swear to god if Vellmori makes a post tomorrow accusing KJH of SA or something after I wrote all this I will throw myself into the ocean.)

This will actually be the last time I talk about this unless something changes, I want to believe I was respectful the whole time and don't mean to belittle anyone for their beliefs or choices (unless you're an incel, please be better, also take a shower).

#project moon #limbus company #mysogyny #obviously this is a lot #sorry #was a draft i was gonna delete but this arknights thing popped off and I saw 2 posts linking Limbus even though it's tangential #guess I just want a better counternarrative to “PM is the evil antifeminist bad labor company” than “nuh uh” #because bad shit happened #i just also believe its gotten better and that many of the accusations are vindictive more than disappointed #anti-PM sentiment feels fueled by non fans getting news from other non fans sometimes

[bigfan-fanfic]

Not a Hothead (Reader x Firelord Zuko)

Requested by anonymous for Hey hey! Can I request some Zuko (atla) headcanons (gn s/o, preferably).His usually quiet and peaceful s/o is having a bad day and needs to blow off steam, and then get cuddles from himUp to you if it takes place before or after he's Firelord Tysm in advance ♥️

Zuko tries not to complain so much about his duties as Firelord.

He's only just become an adult, but he's already facing the duties a much older ruler would have been trained for.

But he bears it all, because he has the responsibility, but also the privilege of helping form a better world.

And he has you by his side!

Although it's clear today that you are not in such a great mood.

He can practically sense the tension, noticing the way you pull your hands into the sleeves of your robes to conceal your clenched fists.

The gritting of your teeth

In between audiences with generals and representatives, he looks at you.

"Meet me in the private courtyard when we're free."

Your days aren't exactly stress-free, even as the consort of the Firelord. You need to help him with his work and, traditionally, keep the spiritual and physical wellbeing of the Royal Household all on the up-and-up.

Which means conducting traditional ceremonies with the Fire Sages, organizing the guard rotation for the palace, and working with officials in the Fire Nation capital to improve the lives of citizens.

And while you and Zuko definitely make time to spend with each other, restructuring an entire society that has spent the last one hundred years as the aggressors in a global war is certainly nowhere near a stress-free endeavor.

It's just a bad day today.

You're a little surprised at Zuko's words - he's not the greatest at being spontaneous.

But you still meet him in the private courtyard, and it's an interesting sign that he's shirtless.

You smirk. "So, am I going to be watching you train, like I did back when you were training Aang?"

Zuko suddenly looks surprised. "You watched that?"

You grin. "Oh, you think I fell for your sparkling personality?"

He laughs at the teasing before pointing to the training dummies he has set up. "Today, you're going to be training with me."

He blushes. "I just thought... well, nothing really helps me get rid of stress more than training, and then we could blow off steam, and..."

You chuckle. "And then we can take a bath and cuddle?"

He nods. "Sure. All night, if you want."

He takes you through some firebending martial art forms, which actually are surprisingly tough to learn, but feel really good when you start to get it right.

Zuko teaches you how to breathe properly, which really helps you feel so more energized and calm, even as you train.

Finally, after an hour or so of punches and breathing (which doesn't sound particularly fun, but Zuko actually does make it pretty fun to learn)

It helps to get out that aggression you had, and even more exciting is the promise of getting to take a bath and cuddle with him after.

After a beautiful luxurious bath with scented soaps and perfumed oils, you get to see Zuko in his loose robe and pants he wears for lounging around. He smiles as you lunge at him and tackle him onto a nest of cushions and bury your head in his chest to smell the clean scent of soap.

"I'm sorry I've been so out of it today." you whisper.

Zuko chuckles. "You do remember what I was like back during the war, right? Every day was a bad day. It's normal to feel stress, and... I want you to be able to count on me to help get you through it."

You give him a gentle kiss. "I love you, Zuko."

"I love you too."

#atla x male reader #zuko x male reader #zuko x reader #gender neutral reader #atla headcanons #headcanons

[rose-pearls]

part 2 to your last finnick request where the reader gets captured by the capital and then gets rescued with the other victims and they live happily ever after and finnick doesn’t die🙂

Hi! Thanks for the request for a part 2 of this fic. Hopefully you like it!

Day 50 in the Capitol.

The white walls of your cell were still the same, and the screaming surrounding you from Peeta and Johanna were still there. The three of you had been brought in after the arena collapsed and the rebels escaped, you hadn’t spoken with either of them since then.

The only memories you had of that day were of Finnick being lifted up into safety and questionings. When it wasn’t Johanna screaming it was Peeta, and when it wasn’t him, it was you. They had gone softer on you then the other two, at least you thought so based on their screams. 

“Get up.”, a peacekeeper tells you while coming in and you try to lift yourself up but the absence of water and food the last few days hit you all at once, making everything dizzy. 

“Move it.”, he tells you harshly and takes your arm to set you upright and taking you out of the room, ignoring your stumbling.

You go through hallways, until you arrive in a room with a vanity, a dresser and your old prep team who are looking frightened. 

“You have ten minutes.”, the peacekeeper orders them before leaving and closing the door.

They move in silence, for once the usual chattering doesn’t start as they work. It stays deadly silent for the next few minutes. A white dress gets taken out of the dresser and you turn to look at it. It’s perfect, made with the best materials they could find, and you try not to feel like throwing up at the sight of it.

“Let’s get you into it.”, someone tells you and after a bit of help you manage to put it on, trying to avoid looking at the mirrors in the rooms. 

The peacekeeper comes back, and you are brought into a large library, President Snow waiting for you.

“Please sit down.”, he tells you after a moment and you sit down on the couch in front of him.

“Mister Mellark is giving an interview right now, to show his support to the nation.”, Snow says slowly, and you nod at his words, feeling confused.

“Now you may be wondering why I called you here.”, this time again you nod, knowing your voice wouldn’t be able to work properly at the moment.

“I wanted to have a chat, just the two of us.”, the words are spoke carefully and you can’t help but feel a chill go through your body.

“Do you think I am an idiot?”, Snow asks, and you shake your head in disagreement at the words, knowing that this man is far smarter than everyone thinks.

“Good, then why did you think you could treat me like one?”, the question stays unanswered for a moment, the two of you looking at each other before you clear your throat.

“I’m not sure I understand what you are referring to sir.”, Snow has a cynical grin as he looks at you and you can’t help but feel uncomfortable. 

“The arena, the escape plan. Do I need to go on?”, he asks, his voice harsh as he speaks the words clearly.

“We did it to protect the people we love.”, you whisper after a moment and Snow looks at you before chuckling.

“The people you love, like Finnick Odair?” the wind gets knocked out of your lungs at the words and you look at him for a long moment. 

“Yes, I couldn’t let him die.”, you tell him, your voice more certain than it has been in a long time.

“Some would say that it is brave, to put your life on the line for a man like him.”, you can’t help but feel like the president isn’t done with his talk and after a moment he looks at you with a cynic smile.

“I’m of the opinion that it’s incredibly stupid. You put his life over yours and you were ready to die for him.”, he says, his voice resonating in the room and you feel breathless again.

“That’s love, sir.”, you tell him after a moment and Snow chuckles.

“I told this to Miss Everdeen earlier, but I think you need to hear this. It’s the thing we love the most that destroy us.”, he says, his tone menacing as he looks at you with raised eyebrows.

“Things? Do you not mean people?”, you can’t help but ask, trying to find a weakness into his harsh words.

“I do not, people are just like things. You use them while they can still be of use and once, they aren’t you just throw them away.”, the words make you feel sick, but you try to hold it back.

“That is a harsh point of view.”, you can’t help but say and Snow chuckles once again.

“It’s the reality my dear, people use you for what benefits them and once it is done, they leave you in the dust. Take for example your mentor Beetee, he used you to protect Wiress and once that was done, he left you in an abandoned arena.”, the words hit home, just like Snow wanted them to and you look at him with wide eyes.

“He couldn’t do anything; they couldn’t have taken anyone. All of us knew the risks.”, you tell him and Snow nods at your words.

“And yet, here you are being taken captive and not yet one of your so-called friends or lover came to rescue you.”, his eyes are full of satisfaction at having found the pressure point to make you feel that pain. 

“They will save us, when time comes.”, you tell him, your voice slightly wavering but Snow smiles at you like he knows something you don’t.

“You have always been an optimist my dear, and in this case, it fails you.”, he tells you and as you try to find a retort to it, Snow clears his throat making a peacekeeper come in.

“It was good to have a chat, I do think it’s time for you to go back.”, he tells you, his eyes as cold as ice. The peacekeeper comes and takes you with him back to the cell, you don’t hear any screaming and wonder what they did to Johanna while you were gone for her to be silent. 

Snow’s words come back to you, and you try to restrain the tears, but they end up rolling down your cheeks as you look at the white walls surrounding you.

--

A gas enters your room, you think for a moment that this is it, Snow is killing you. As your eyes close you try to think of Finnick again and the last time you had seen him.

The sound of a beeping machine wakes you up, as your eyes flutter open you see a grey wall staring back at you, instead of the usual white one. The machine starts beeping louder, while you start to feel scared of where you ended up.

Doctors enter the room and try to calm you down and after a moment you get your heartrate under control, watching people running left and right in what you think to be the med bay.

“Look who woke up.”, a voice says next to you, and you turn around to see Johanna, her head looks shaven, and her usual smirk is subdued. 

“Jo.”, you are able to whisper, not knowing what to tell her.

“They came back.”, she tells you and you can’t help but sigh at her words, relief filling your veins.

“Peeta?”, you can’t help but ask, wondering where the boy was that had spent the better part of the torture next to you.

“Brought him into a separate room, apparently he got some sort of treatment.”, she seems confused as well and you tell yourself you would ask again later.

Before you can ask her how she is the door to the med bay gets thrown open and you see Katniss and Haymitch coming in, Finnick following behind them. He is looking in every direction he can before his eyes fall on you.

You don’t know what to do, as you look at him, taking him in after such a long time apart. His hair was still as golden as it had always been, just shorter and his blue green eyes were still as mesmerizing. He seemed to have frozen at the sight of you before Katniss’s exclamation of Johanna’s name made him wake up from his staring.

“Finnick?”, you can’t help but ask and Finnick’s wide, fearful eyes turned hopeful, filled with love. In a couple of strides, he his near you and you jump out of the bed, ignoring your body telling you to sit back on the bed.

His arms wrap themselves around you as soon as he can, and you can’t help but melt under his touch. The perfume he usually wears in the Capitol has disappeared and leaves place for only Finnick. The smell of the ocean still lingering on his skin even after being far away from it, it all just smelled like Finnick, like home.

“You’re really here.”, you feel him mumble on your skin and you can’t help but nod, feeling tears in your eyes. Finnick lets go of you for just a moment to look at you, cupping your cheeks as to make sure it’s really you.

“It’s not a dream, is it? Where I’m going to wake up and you won’t be there.”, his voice is hoarse, and his eyes are filled with tears, but they are full of love.

“It’s me, I’m right here.”, you tell him as you put your hands over his on your cheeks, holding them and rubbing your thumb over his hand. A sob leaves his lips, and he brings your forehead against his, holding you as close as he possibly can.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save you sooner.”, he whispers, his voice breaking over every word and you try to reassure him.

“It’s alright, I knew you would come eventually.”, you tell him and Finnick nods slowly, holding you tightly.

“I’m never letting you out of my sight ever again.”, he says while smiling shakily at you.

“I’m completely fine with that, don’t think I can spend another minute without you.”, a teary laugh escapes his lips while he rubs his thumbs over your cheekbones.

“I love you so much.”, he tells you and you kiss him longingly on the lips.

“I love you too, you have no idea.”, you tell him and Finnick smiles at you widely.

“I think I do.”, he whispers before bringing you into a passionate kiss, making sure that you know just how much he loves you. 

--

Going back to the Capitol is a choice Coin offers everyone, except for Peeta and Johanna but you can’t even think of going there, the memories of the torture coming back every time. Finnick tells you that it’s alright and that you can stay here but the thought of sending him away is also something you can’t imagine.

Peeta is looking at you with dull eyes, he seems tired from being here in this room that reminds you far too much from the one you had been in the Capitol.

“So, are you going?”, he asks you after a moment of quiet and you turn to look at him surprised.

“Jo told me that you were the only one of the three of us that could go.”, he says after seeing your confusion and you can’t help but smile at the fact that Johanna had been here to talk with Peeta.

“Not sure yet. The Capitol brings back dark memories and I don’t know if I would be able to confront them.”, you tell him after a moment of silence and Peeta seems to think your answer through.

“If there is one person that could do it, it is you. Sure, it will be hard but it’s also a way to close the chapter and make the story yours. Show them that they have messed with the wrong people.”, Peeta tells you, and for the first time you see him back to that younger boy that he had been, sure he had more maturity, but he seemed to go back to the Peeta you all knew.

“Show them what we’ve got.”, he whispers, and you feel for the first time a sense of pride coming back, wanting to prove to Snow that he shouldn’t have done all of this to the three of you. That he shouldn’t have done all of these horrible things to every single person.

“You’re right let’s show this son of a bitch who we are.”, Peeta smiles at your words and nods quickly.

“I’ll be watching you destroy him.”, he tells you, pride in his voice and you can’t help but feel slightly emotional at his words.

“We’ll be back. Don’t miss us too much.”, you tell him and Peeta snorts at your words.

“See you in the new world.”, you nod at his words before squeezing his hand and leaving the room to find Finnick outside of it, ready to support you.

“Let’s do this.” You tell him, determination setting in. Finnick smiles, pride in his eyes before bringing you into a loving kiss and taking your hand.

--

The mutts are horrible.

They look atrocious and are somehow able to survive several gunshots. Peeta has already managed to save you a couple of times and you have managed to put Finnick back into safety. 

“Let’s get out of here.”, you hear someone yell and you have never felt more grateful to leave a place behind.

The mutts are still trying to get to you and just as you kill one, Finnick manages to drown another one.

“Common, let’s go.”, he tells you and the two of you get onto the railing, Finnick lets you go first and as you get at the top of the railing you turn to see Finnick looking at you. But as you look a bit further you see mutts coming towards him.

“Finnick, run!”, you yell, and he looks quickly behind him before starting to go up the railing, you take a gun out of someone’s hand and as Finnick manages to get up the railing a mutt raises his paw to get him, but you shoot him dead. 

Katniss throws the pad into it to blow them to bits and you turn to a heaving Finnick, who is as white as a sheet. Peeta is whispering words to him while Finnick nods slowly.

“We need to go!”, someone says and the rest of you follow, running around but not before meeting some new obstacles where you lose a couple of people. 

You feel sick as you arrive in Tigris’s basement, everyone is covered in blood and Finnick still looks shaken.

“Hey, you are alright.”, you whisper to him, and he looks at you with wide, panicked eyes.

“I know, thank you.”, he whispers back, and you smile at him softly.

“No need to thank me. I’m glad you are alright.”, you whisper and Finnick smiles wider at your words before bringing you closer.

“We are getting closer to the end, aren’t we?”, he whispers, and you nod slowly, feeling drowsy and safe in his arms.

--

“Sam, slow down!”, you yell at your son, but the four-year-old seems to not have heard you or has decided that seeing his aunt was more important.

“Don’t worry, nothing can happen.”, Finnick says while laughing at you expression. His hand rubs your bump softly and you can’t help but sigh in relief at his touch.

“How is she?”, he asks after a moment, and you turn to look at him with a loving smile.

“Has a lot of energy, just like her father.”, Finnick smiles proudly before turning towards your son as he starts jumping up and down.

“I see the train!”, he yells and Finnick quickly runs behind him to take him into his arms, Sam giggles as his father starts tickling him and you can’t stop smiling at the sight of them.

The train arrives and you come next to the two of them just in time for the doors to open and Johanna to appear.

“Auntie Jo!”, Sam yells excitedly before running towards her, the woman that once told you that she despised children suddenly turns into mush at the sight of him.

“Well would you look at that, if it isn’t my favorite Odair!”, she tells him as she picks him up in her arms.

“Excuse you, I am right here.”, Finnick says while pouting but Johanna only rolls her eyes at his words, a smile on her face.

“It’s good to see you, Jo.”, you can’t help but say and Johanna smiles softly at you before bringing you into a side hug.

“You too.”, she tells you before hugging Finnick while having Sam in her arms.

“I suppose bread boy is here already.”, you can’t help but laugh at her words and nod, taking her bags while Sam tells her about everything he did with his uncle Peeta.

Peeta is still sitting on the beach, watching the ocean as you arrive, Sam being taken by Finnick inside while the two of you join him.

“If it isn’t my favorite bread boy.”, Johanna says teasingly as the two of you arrive and Peeta smiles widens at the sight of you two.

“It’s good to see you, Jo!”, he tells her before sitting back down, the two of you joining him. 

The war had done some damage, and the three of you had formed a bond that not one of your husbands and wives could understand. So, as you sit there the three of you, like you do every six months you can’t help but enjoy the quietness of the beach.

“Guys. I think my water just broke.”, after a few seconds of silence the two of them start to get into action helping you inside and screaming Finnick’s name while you can’t help but laugh. For once feeling safe and sound, as the most important people in your life surround you.

#hunger games fanfiction #the hunger games #hunger games x reader #hunger games finnick #finnick imagine #finnick odair fanfic #finnick odair #thg finnick #finnick x reader #finnick x you

[finn-writes-stuff]

May I ask for headcanons for Grog, Scanlan, Percy and Vax with gn shy s/o pretty please?

Shrinking Violet

Quiet and shy, you've caught the eyes of the men of Vox Machina.

Grog, Scanlan, Percy & Vax x Reader

Fandom: The Legends of Vox Machina/Critical Role

Format: Headcanons

Warnings: N/A

Gender-Neutral Reader

Masterlist

Whoever sends me a proper Percy request next is going to have my hand in marriage. -Finn

Grog

Grog has never been shy in his life. It often just doesn't occur to him to be nervous about talking to people. He has things he wants to say and do, so why would he not?

It creates an interesting contrast with you. His booming exuberance compared to your quiet restraint. There's a joke in the party that between the two of you, it averages out to the perfect usual amount of speech.

Grog wants you to feel comfortable around him! He understands on some level that people are often quiet around him because they're scared or intimidated, and he really doesn't want you to be.

You're definitely able to notice that Grog is gentler with you, trying to pull you out of your shell without scaring you off.

The extra obvious tell is Pike trying to very nonchalantly tell you about how Grog is totally chill and you can just talk with him! She isn't the most subtle of wingmen.

Scanlan

He has little restraint and even less shame. He will say anything that pops into his head, no matter how awful it is. Speaking to him will inevitably leave your ears burning.

Scanlan thinks it's kind of cute that you're so shy and makes a game out of getting you to laugh at his jokes and talk without seeming so nervous.

Seeing you when you're happy enough to forget how nerve-wracking social interaction is, melts him. The first time that he made you properly laugh, like a full, loud, straight from the chest laugh, he was left a little dazed.

The innuendos actually get worse. You don't brush them off with snark the same way most of the party does, and he absolutely capitalizes on it to double down on flirting with you.

Percy

Percy has a hack for social interaction and it boils down to being rich. He leans into the 'I am important and smart and well-spoken' part of his personality and it gets him what he wants. So even when social interaction is overwhelming, he can just default to that.

So, naturally, he teaches you the finer points of it to help you talk when you need to. He lets you practice with him and only laughs when you start making fun of him.

He is a big fan of leaving crowded situations to go work in his own space, and he will offer you the chance to come with him whenever he does. You just have to hold tools for him while he works.

If you're in a situation where you're stuck talking with strangers, he develops a habit of sweeping in with a convenient reason for you to leave the conversation. It satisfies something deep in his chest when he gets to play your knight in shining armor.

Vax

Vax'ildan, king of charming his way behind closed doors. He is pretty solidly at ease in conversations, and when he isn't, he can certainly fake it.

He'll tease you about how shy you are, he finds it adorable and he likes pushing to see how far it goes.

That doesn't mean that he allows other people to tease you or push is though. He will make them fuck off the moment you look uncomfortable.

As a kid, he was shy and nervous, but it has been a long time since he had to watch everything he said. He doesn't want you to feel that talking is going to get you in trouble. As much as he can be an ass, he genuinely wants you to be comfortable with him and the rest of the party.

#finnwrites #legend of vox machina x reader #legend of vox machina #the legend of vox machina #the legend of vox machina x reader #tlovm x reader #tlovm #critical role x reader #grog strongjaw x reader #grog x reader #grog strongjaw #vaxildan #vaxildan x reader #vax'ildan x reader #vax x reader #vax'ildan vessar #scanlan x reader #scanlan shorthalt x reader #scanlan shorthalt #percy de rolo x reader #percival de rolo x reader #percival fredrickstein von musel klossowski de rolo iii #percy de rolo #percival de rolo #headcanons

[wheresmymilliondollarman]

Hiii! I've discovered your account recently and you can definitely count me as one of your fans! Also I've never saw someone write for book bfs before so that's cool of you to do it ! I really don't know if you take requests but if u don't it's ok! but if you do can I have an Kenjix reader where she's a trained spy with no powers and Aaron send her on a mission with Kenji where she hates him at first but then she gets to know him and fall for him ? (Maybe w/o spoilers for books after ignite me)

how you get the girl

kenji kishimoto x fem!reader

you were never fond of the newest recruit, but after being assigned on a mission with him, your perspective might just change.

a/n: ty for the request!! been wanting to write for kenji, but struggled with a concept, so this is a great idea !! this is more an au thing, not based on a certain timeline in the series, so it should be spoiler free !! there also a hunger games reference in this bc i can't help myself. extra note: thank you for being so patient i had to go on n unexpected hiatus because i got sick then a bunch of stuff in my life is happening right now, so it was hard to write. but i have finally have time again somewhat and i want to get inspo to write <3

word count: 6.8k

warnings: really bad corny pick-up lines, kinda bad description of action LOL, mentions of injuries and blood, take a shot every time reader rolls her eyes

your home lied within the reestablishment for as long as you could remember. your father had stood behind the idea since it first became conceived. 

before the reestablishment came along, your family lived in the trenches of poverty. living in a one-bedroom apartment in the unsafest part of the city. most lived the same since the world was slowly deteriorating — counties went hungry, climate change affected natural resources, and the grasp of government control slipped away. it seemed like the end of the world for some, but you were too young to say for sure. 

your mother came down with an illness when you were around three. it was unsure of what it was, but it damaged her greatly and fatally. your father attempted to gather the money to see a doctor, pawning items, stealing money, and even asking the government for assistance, but it all became futile. your mother ended up passing a few months later. 

your father’s grief and rage at society drove him toward the direction of the reestablishment. they had already been around quite some time, but no one ever took it seriously - another political group with empty promises, they called it. but your father had faith in their potential, he had to, now that he wanted to ensure a better future for yourself. so, he offered his undying loyalty to the group, and they took an interest in that and offered him a low level job. 

within years, he worked his way up in power, helped enhance the reestablishment’s control over the world, and soon they were the sole government. many resisted, but the majority resided their fate to them because how much worse could the world get? 

overtime, the distant memories of the old world faded and were forgotten by many, including yourself. all you knew and lived was reestablishment life. books, movies, devices, or anything pertaining to before reestablishment life was discarded. you were too young to even remember most of those things. so, unlike others, you never felt like you missed out on anything. 

you were trained to be a soldier since practically diapers. the rebellion against the reestablishment was prominent during its early years, so your father ensured you could defend yourself properly if the worse were to come. with your agility and stealth, you were recruited to be a spy for them, infiltrating other bases and spying on the rebellion. 

your father now works closely with supreme commander anderson at the capital, but you’ve designated yourself to sector 45, along with warner. he recognized your talent the moment he met you and employed you to his sector. that was how it became your current home. 

your father was more than thrilled you impressed the commander’s son, telling you it was important to have their favor. ever since, he’d push the idea of you two, repeating that if you played your cards right, you could become the future supreme commander’s wife. 

you felt nauseous at the idea. you would never want to be a second in command helping run a country, much less marry the person who does. 

“hey! warner’s calling you into his office.” a voice called out to you. 

you snapped out of your daydream, remembering your current location. you stood in the training room, gloves on, practicing your punches onto one of the many punching bags. you tended to zone as as you got more into your workout. 

you turned around to face the soldier who had come in for the purpose of recalling a message, “thank you, tell him i will be there immediately.”  he gave a curt nod and headed out. 

you sighed, you were sure you were about to be sent on another mission to gather data. and normally, you would’ve been up for it, dying to put your skills to use. but lately, it seems the passion has disappeared. it was getting too repetitive for your liking, and you feared the rest of your life would play out the same.  

you gathered your belongings, stuffing your water bottle and gloves back into your gym bag, and replaced your sweaty black shirt with a plain gray one. 

you procrastinated as much as possible on the way to warner’s office. you are in no rush to head back out into the field or hear warners endless instructions on the mission. for once, you envied the low ranked soldiers. warner never expected much of them, so they were often overlooked and free to do as (possibly) pleased. you were expected to be no less than perfect. 

you took a deep breath before knocking on the office door. once warner granted permission, you entered the room, and the first thing you noticed was another person was already there — one you recognized to be one of warner's many men, kenji kishimoto.  

‘this is already off to a bad start,’ you told yourself. kenji was fairly new to the unit, joining a bit over a year ago. you never saw him much because of how busy you are, but due to his poor performance, warner had assigned you to train him for a week. 

it hadn’t been your first time training a soldier, so you were prepared to follow a routine and help him get the hang of basics. but you quickly learned kenji was going to be a pain in your ass.  

first, he was half an hour late to your training, wasting time you could’ve used for your own personal agenda. then, when he showed up, he acted nonchalantly about it. you decided to brush it off and just get the training over with than argue and waste more time. but as training commenced, he started acting condescending towards you. asking if you were sure what you were doing and whether you were the most qualified person to be instructing him. again, you ignored him and remained professional — trying your best to just finish off the lesson without any hassle.

the final straw for you came when you asked him to throw a punch to examine his form and offer critiques. to this responded, “are you sure about that? wouldn’t want to hurt you, sweetheart.” he said haughtily. you just about had it by then. 

in a quick movement, you threw a punch to his face, twisted his arm, and flipped him onto the mats. “sorry, did i hurt you sweetheart?” you asked in a condescendingly sweet tone. all kenji does is groan in response. 

after, you just stormed off and informed warner he would no longer be in charge of his training. you offered him no explanation and simply walked out of his office. if you hadn’t been so upset, you would’ve slapped yourself for being so careless in front of the commander's son. but fortunate to you, warner had no objections and simply tasked someone else to teach kenji.

however, that wasn’t even the end of your meeting. despite you bruising his face, kenji started to follow you like a puppy. you suddenly would run into him at least once a day. you swore he had to be somehow following you, and pretending it was a coincidence the two of you ran into each other. despite your expertise in the art of spying, you were never able to catch him in the act. you could sometimes feel a pair of eyes on you, but when you turned around, there was no one there. 

you told him many times to leave you alone, but that only seemed to intrigue him more. he went from condescending to flirting with you. you weren’t sure which one was worse. you were starting to think the latter because of his awful pickup lines.  

“do you have a name, or can i just call you mine?”

“oh god, i’m gonna throw up.”

“i’m going for a walk, would you mind holding my hand?”

“if you get your hand near me, it’s getting cut off.”

“i love it when you talk dirty to me.”

“do you travel through time? because i’ve pictured you in my future.”

“you’re not going to have a future, if you utter another word.”

“let me be the flynn rider to your rapunzel.”

“one, shut up. two, who are they?”

“what! you don’t know the amazing film that is tangled?”

“never mind, forget, i asked..”

no matter your reply, he never seems to get the hint. no, scratch that, he definitely got the hint he just simply did not care. this guy could be hit with a tank, and you were convinced he’d still have some stupid line to say to you. 

back to your current predicament, you were unsure why warner would call for kenji as well. you were hoping they were just finishing up a conversation, and you happened to be a bit early. which you kinda doubted because you had taken as long as you possibly could to get to this room.

you walked up to warner’s desk, “you called for me sir?” you questioned. the sooner you got your task, the sooner you can get away from the man next to you. 

kenji turns his attention toward you, unfortunately for you, “hey gorgeous, funny seeing you around here.” he says with a stupid smirk accompanying. 

“not really.” you spoke bluntly. 

before he can speak any more, dumb words, warner clears his throat indicating he is about to speak. “yes i did, and as you can see, i also called kishimoto here because I wanted to speak to the both of you.” 

oh no. you weren’t liking where this was going so far, especially since this is an issue needing both of your presence in the room. you prayed he wasn’t about to assign you to train with kenji again. you lucked out last time, but there is no way you would be able to again decline in a way that wouldn’t defy warner. you remained stoic and nod to his words, waiting in suspense for his instructions.  

“oh please go on, i’m intrigued.” kenji inquires. warner pays no mind him, nice to see you’re not the only one who does that. 

“the reason for that is, i am in need of both of you for a mission in favor of the reestablishment.” he explains, folding his hands together neatly on his wooden desk.  

technically, your prayer was granted; you didn’t need to train kenji. no, instead you had to go & work with him on a mission. ‘that’s why they say be careful what you wish for.’

you couldn’t protest and say absolutely not, or you just look like a child throwing a tantrum. it took a good portion of your self-control to keep that apathetic look on your face. but even then, your left eye reflexively twitched in irritation. 

“no disrespect to your order sir, but why is kishimoto needed? i can handle myself quite well if you didn’t already know.” you try to reason. 

“are you that nervous to be with me?” kenji interrupts smugly. you can’t help but stomp on his foot, even if it is a bit childish, your face neutral, not even sparring a look his way. 

kenji yelps in pain, but still remarks, “nice to see your love language has switched from verbal threats to physical violence.” 

warner, unbothered by your actions, replies, “i’m well aware of your capabilities l/n. but this task is a bit more dire than your usual requests. i’d prefer if you had a helping hand. plus, kishimoto still needs practice in the field and there’s no better example to follow than you.”

“thank you sir, for the compliment, but-“ 

“is that an objection to an order, l/n?” warner challenged you, raising a brow. you knew that was the end of it. as much as you didn’t like kenji, it wasn’t an issue worth being on warner’s bad side for. 

“no,” you stated defensively, “of course not, sir, i am ready to serve the reestablishment as needed,” you restate your loyalty, but these days it felt like empty words. 

“i, for one, have no issue with this request sir. i’m more than willingly to go along with y/n on this secret mission.” kenji proclaims with a gleeful smile. 

“great, because the both of you will be departing tomorrow morning.” warner informed, leaning back into his seat. “that will be all,” he dismissed with a wave of a hand. 

kenji and you both respectively nodded and turned your backs to walk away and exit his office. once you’re in the hall, your cool demeanor vanquishes and is replaced with a distasteful look. you simply couldn’t believe this was happening. you got partnered with the guy who you heard already had 19 demerits. surely, the world was punishing you.

opposite to you, kenji stood there with a sneaky smile, obviously enjoying how today’s events played out. it only annoyed you further. 

“well, well, well,” he begins, “i guess we’ll be spending quite a bit of time with each other. you never know how long these missions take perhaps will be stuck teach with each other for a whole month. wouldn’t that just be exciting?” kenji teases, draping an arm over your tense shoulders. 

you rolled your eyes and roughly pushed his arm off of you, “this operation is solely for professional purposes, kishimoto. we’ll be in and out then come back and relay information. then i go back to ignoring you.” you don’t bother to wait for a reply and start the walk to your living, quarters to prepare for your departure.

“i’ll grow on you eventually y/n!” he hollers at you as you venture further down the hall. 

-

you dreaded the events to come the moment you opened your eyes to woke up.

a part of you had hoped your talk with warner yesterday had been a nightmare, but as soon as you saw your packed bag on your dresser, you knew it was your reality. 

you hopped in the shower for a quick wash, braided your hair, and suited up in all black attire. you slip your bag over your shoulder and reluctantly walk out your room. from there, you made your way to the weaponry.

at the weaponry, you didn’t see kenji’s face; you had hope there was still a possibility he would not end up going along with you, and he would either be replaced, or you be left to your own devices. you started supplying weapons into your bags and filling the holsters strapped on your body. 

“can’t believe you already started without me, angel.” you hear a voice announce from behind you. 

you groaned, apparently, it was too much to ask to wish him away. he reminded you of a small insect that just refused to die no matter how many times you stepped on it with your foot. 

he doesn’t miss a beat, moving to the spot next to you, “don’t sound too excited, or else i’d start to think you like me,” kenji playfully remarks. 

you scoff, “only in your wildest dreams.”

“right you are.” you grimace at his reply. 

“can you just hurry up? the sooner we set off the better.” you urge him. 

he doesn’t deter from his smugness at your fierce attitude, “if you were so eager to be alone with me, you should’ve just told me, would’ve saved us a lot of trouble.” 

you groaned, already sick of being around him. how were you supposed to do this for a day, or even more? “you have five minutes or swear to god i’m leaving without you.” you promised on your way out. 

-

you made good of your word, and waited by the plane for approximately five minutes (you even counted down the seconds in your head). warner assigned a plane for the both of you, with its own pilot, to take you to your destination. 

you wait until the last second before you board the small plane to inform the pilot to prepare for take off. not even a minute later, you hear the movement of footsteps rushing towards the vehicle. you try to conceal your look of disappointment when you see it, kenji coming toward you.

you step down the plane to coldly greet him, “you’re lucky you made it, i was prepared to about to leave without you,” you tell kenji seriously. “i suppose i can always just push you off the plane one we take off to rid of you,” you nonchalantly suggest. 

he just laughs in response, thinking there’s no way you would actually take off without him, his laughter silences down when you offer no humor in your tone, nor your face. “you are just kidding right?”

you remain silent, and turn your back to board the plane. 

“..right?” he calls at you, a hint of worry in his tone. the corner of your lip tugs up in amusement as you walk off.

-

“wow, this spy stuff is quite boring.” kenji complains aloud. “how are you ever entertained doing this on your own? thank goodness you have me around now. perhaps we can even be some sort of duo, we can even have a cool name - the terrific two? nah. the dangerous duo? eh. oh wait, i’ve got it! mr. and mrs. smith-“

“will you shut up!” you turn your head away to snap at him. you were ready to lose your mind with his absurd commentary for the past hour.

the two of you stationed yourselves on top of a tall building’s rooftop hiding from plain view & your target’s sight. your current target was a supreme commander of another country, one that had indirectly expressed his indifference toward warner, but remained loyal to reestablishment principles. warner believes it’s possible he may have a hidden agenda concerning the reestablishment, and just to be sure, he tasked you to report his activity. 

your mission wasn’t anything complicated, the majority of it consisted of keeping vigilant watch and reporting anything of utter importance. the two of you used your binoculars to spy on the commander and his men from above. but you understood why warner had wanted someone to accompany you. there were almost 3 times as many men than what you were used to on your operations. but you weren’t going to admit this to the person next to you.

kenji nods, “you’re right we should skip the mindless comments and instead get to know each other. after all, i’d be real awkward if i didn’t even know fun facts about my future girlfriend,” he makes a hand gesture toward you at the end of his words.  

“first off, never going to be your girlfriend. second, this isn’t a date; we’re on a stakeout collecting information.” you reiterate. 

“come on,” kenji complains, “these guys have done nothing for the past 2 hours. the only criminal thing that is worth mentioning is that the commander does not pull off purple .” 

you scoffed, annoyed, but you couldn’t say he was completely lying. it has been kind of a slow night. the commander stood by his post, watching the soldiers pack shipments meant for other countries & sectors, including sector 45. whenever the supreme commander would leave, either kenji or you would tail him, but it was also a dead end. he either needed to use the bathroom or go to his office to retrieve something. a part of you was starting to wonder why warner would think of this man as suspicious when he seemed as bland as the color beige. it was quite offensive to your spy expertise to be sent on such a mundane mission.

you sigh in defeat, “fine,” you turn to face kenji, “if it gets you to shut up. what do you wanna know?”

kenji places his hand over his chest, making a face of disbelief. “wow, i’ve finally done it, i’ve cracked you. it’s only a matter of time now before you actually start enjoying my presence like most of the female population.” 

“i’m this close to pushing you off the ledge right now.” you exclaim, pinching your index and thumb very close as a demonstration. 

“well, if we’re gonna be working together,” 

he starts, ignoring your threat, “we’ve got to learn more about eachother - you know ,like the deep stuff.” 

“the deep stuff?” you repeat suspiciously. 

“yeah, like, what’s your favorite color?” 

you turn away dramatically, “well, now you’ve just crossed the line,” you say in a light tone. 

he shakes his head, “seriously, what’s your favorite color?”

“hm,” you ponder on it for a second before answering, “i like yellow.” 

“yellow?” he repeats, unsure of whether to believe you. “you’re telling me, the spy who is always seen in all black’s favorite color is yellow?” he speaks as if the concept is foreign to him.

you roll your eyes for the millionth time tonight, “i wear all black because i’m working, not by personal choice. my wardrobe is actually full of colorful choices.” you admit. 

kenji smirks, “so, what color are you wearing underne-“

“anyway,” your speak over him, cutting him off. “what’s your favorite color?” you ask to change focus. 

“purple. and not like the purple that supreme commander looks horrendous in,” you hold back a smile at the insult, “more like the shade of purple rapunzel’s dress is.”

you tilt your head, “who’s rapunzel, is she a friend of yours?” 

his eyes narrow at you, “a friend of min- she’s only one of the greatest heroines in the disney film history!” he exclaims. 

“what about your knee?”

“you can’t be serious-“

that was when you heard it, voices speaking in rushed and commanding tones, getting louder and louder to the point you were able to make out the words without your listening equipment. you recognized one of them - the supreme commander.

“shoot them!” he shouted at the soldiers. 

you’d been spotted. and now they were going to start firing. 

“kenji get down!” 

“what-“

you didn’t wait for him to understand and instinctively jumped onto kenji’s body to bring him down to the ground and avoid him from getting shot.

due to your heroic act, you were unfortunately caught by a bullet and shot in your left arm. you’ve been shot before, but it didn’t suck any less. luckily, the adrenaline coursing through you helped subdue the pain for now, but you know it’s only a matter of time before you were withering in discomfort. 

“shit!” kenji cursed in reaction to the many gunshots shooting at you both. you both are currently protected by the small four feet ledge from the building you were grounded on.

“how did they even spot us?“ kenji hollers so you could him him over the flux of bullets. 

“i don’t know, but there’s no time for explanations. this ledge won’t protect us for long we have to find a way out of here without being noticed.“ 

you had a lurking suspicion the commander was given a heads-up on the arrival of two spies. however, it wasn’t a time to investigate that. 

 kenji began to move from beneath you so he could somewhat sit himself up, still avoiding being hit. his movement caused you to unintentionally hiss in pain when he rubbed against your injured arm; that is when kenji took notice of your wound. 

he gently grabbed it for further inspection, blood oozing from the hole of the bullet plunged into your arm. returns his gaze to you. his eyes showing worry, “you’re injured. why didn’t you say anything?” he questions you gently. 

he then swiftly untucked his long sleeve shirt for machines and ripped a piece of it from the bottom. then he began to wrap it around your injury and tie it to give it pressure to lessen the bleeding. 

“didn’t think there was time, you know, with hundreds of bullets coming our way.”

kenji rolls his eyes. you speak up again before he has a chance to counter, “ok, we seriously need to focus on our plan of action right now. we are way too outnumbered to strike back.” 

kenjis nods and looks down in concentration of convincing a plan, and you do the same. you both could maneuver your way down towards the way you came in, but no doubt the commander's men have already begun to circle around the entire establishment. you both could sprint quick enough and jump onto the neighboring building, but it would require some climbing. and with your current left arm in bad shape, could be almost impossible for you to climb a building with one arm, no matter the skill acquired in your training. 

do you have to make a decision quick, so you went with the most logical one. “kenji,” you call his attention, and he looks up from his spot, “i have a plan. but..you’re going to have to go without me.” 

kenji’s face shifted from concern to confusion.  “i don’t understand..” 

you briefly explained the small plan you concocted, “with my with my injury , it’s clear i can’t do it. so, it’s better that you go on and-“

kenji doesn’t let you finish. “no. no. that’s not an option.” he protests. 

“you have t-“

his hand is covering your mouth in a second, “it’s out of the question. don’t go saying that stupid shit again, got it?“ he sternly tells you, looking you in the eye intensely. 

you’ve never had someone be so adamant about leaving you behind. if it had been anyone else with you, they would’ve up and left the moment you suggested it. a warm feeling tingled in your stomach at the thought to kenji caring about you so much. 

you’re quite stunned at his assertiveness, so you nod quietly - which is highly out of character for you.

once he knows you understand, he removes his hand from your face, sighing as he does so. “i have a way for us to get out of here unnoticed and safely,” kenji admits. you pique up, intrigued by how he has a better solution, and motion for him to continue. “but you’re really going to have to trust me for this to work, ok?” he says more like a statement than a question.

“ok.” you agree. 

while you may not have known kenji too long or even liked him much before tonight, he wasn’t incompetent, mostly, you had enough faith in him to believe he wouldn’t intentionally put you both in harm's way. 

kenji takes a deep breath in, and you can tell to ease his nerves. it bubbles up your curiosity more. it must be something quite grand for him to be nervous to do. but then again, it had to be something quite out of the box if it weren’t a plan you could’ve conceived.

“i’m going to grab your hand, and then i’m gonna need you to do your best to not freak out.” kenji instructs carefully to you. 

now you were getting anxious; what could possibly make you freak out? generally weren’t the type to scare easily, and you’re sure kenji knew this. but you truly had no other option unless you wanted to be stranded here. the sound of gunfire served over to reminder of your limited time. 

you nod in confirmation and hold out your right hand in permission for him to grab. kenji takes a second before he latches his hand into yours. 

for a moment, you’re confused. nothing seems to be happening. part of you thought he was going to continue with your plan, but forcibly drag you along with him. you turn your attention toward the other side to check if you were supposed to see something. but again, saw nothing of significance. 

you begin to scowl, “kenji is this a joke-“

but when you turn to see kenji, no one is there. right away, you assume he left you and did everything prior as some twisted joke. you were ready to get angry, but then you felt the pressure on your palm. you were still holding his hand. 

you looked around again and saw no sign of kenji besides his hand in yours. your confusion was deepening at this point, and you were beginning to think you passed out after being shot and were currently dreaming. you looked down at your interlocked hands, but you didn’t see your hands either. your eyes then moved over to your own body, but again - nothing.

you gasp, “what the hell?”

you instantly panic, not understanding what is happening. you move your body in the hope it would make it visible again, but failed. you try to free your hand from kenji’s, but he firmly keeps it gripped. 

“hey, it’s alright, i’m here. calm down.” you hear kenji finally speak from next to you. you feel his thumb rub over the top of your hand in an attempt to soothe you. 

you ignore him and attempt to make a list of possible nonsense that would explain the situation. “are we dead?” 

“no! just invisible.” he states calmly as if the whole situation were normal. he stands up, forcing you to do the same. he begins to build up a run toward the side of the building. you can’t see either of your bodies, so you do your best to keep up without tripping. 

“invisible?” you repeat, “how are we invisible?” it sounded ridiculous saying it aloud, but it was the only “reasonable” explanation for what was happening. 

“uh, let’s just say i have a certain skill set.” he says in a rushed tone. you couldn’t tell if it was because he wanted to avoid answering or focus on the task at hand. maybe both. 

“that doesn’t explain anything!” you say, waving your other arm around, although you both are unable to see it. 

now having reached the side of the building you entered from, you see the ladder that led you both up. kenji wastes no time on stepping down first. you can’t see his movement but can feel yourself being tugged and the sound of his boots hitting the metal. 

you follow, continuing to hold his hand as he leads you both down the ladder of the building. “as you mentioned over and over before, there’s no time for explanations. you just focus on getting down this ladder.” 

you did as he said (for once) and continued stepping down, with one hand on the rail, in silence. for once in your life, you were speechless.

you both successfully evaded the commander and his soldiers. the invisibility had proven to be true because you walked past them like it was nothing, as they still shot to where they assumed the two of you were still positioned. 

there were no words exchanged on the way back to the plane. kenji took the initiative to inform the pilot of your coordinates, so the two of you could be picked up. you felt foolish for being so unprofessional, but you finally evading the danger, your state of shock was brought back. 

when the plane finally landed down, kenji had finally returned both of your visible states and then released your hand. you could feel the sweat on it from holding on so long, but you were still reeling in from events to notice or care.

both of you moved to board the plane. 

if you hadn’t faced some blood loss and felt incredible fatigue, you would’ve hounded kenji for answers on your way back to sector 47. but as soon as you sat down on a seat, you were out like a light. 

-

the next time you open your eyes, all you could see was white. the ceiling lights temporarily blinded you, making it hard to see your surroundings at first. 

you groaned from disorientation and the blinding light. you turn to the sense of touch and understand you are lying on a bed. your vision settled, and you were able to vaguely recognize your surrounding. the long windows, medical supplies, other white-sheeted beds neighboring, faint smell of disinfectant — you were in the medical wing in sector 45.

you knew it was the infirmary from your sector because of the large indentation on the wall from a mishap of yours a few years prior, one of the few times you actually went to a trained nurse instead of mending to yourself. long story short, the nurses really should have de-weaponized you before attempting to wake you up after you’d passed out. 

now knowing you were in a dangerous environment, you slowly began to sit up. you used one hand to stable yourself since the other was put into a cast. the aching you were trying to put off the whole mission came in full force. 

you looked down at your attire; your first layers of clothes covered in grime and blood were removed. now you were only left in your black shorts and tank top. 

not even a moment later, you hear the sounding of the your door opening. 

“well finally you’re awake!” a voice says, “thought i’d need to wake you up with true love’s kiss.” 

kenji walks up to your bedside, his sly smile never faltering until he takes a glance at your injured arm. 

he peers down at your face. he takes a hand and moves a strand of hair behind your ear. your stomach warms at the feeling of his faint touch on the side of your face.  

“i thought i’d lost you for a second there, sleeping beauty.” kenji says in a gentle tone. 

another reference of his you didn’t understand, but you chose to focus on his other words instead.

you tilt your sore neck, which you regret,  in confusion, “what do you mean?”

“you were asleep the whole flight, and when we landed, i tried to wake you, but you wouldn’t stir. i knew something was wrong. my assumption was proven correct because when i examined your arm, your blood loss was almost severe. after that, i just rushed to get here.” kenji explains, his tone a bit somber. you fight the urge to hold his hold and comfort him, then chide yourself for thinking so something so intimate involving kenji. 

guess you probably should’ve checked your arm when you boarded the plane. somehow, your bloody arm had gone from the first to the last thing on your mind during the operation. 

“and now your facing my dashingly handsome face.” he cockily adds in. 

there it is. you don’t even snarkily counter back. for once, you just smile in response. you give in to your urges and grab onto his hand, giving it a soft squeeze, “thank you kenji. seriously, i know we started on the wrong foot, but i’m very grateful to you.” you say sincerely. 

kenji squeezes your hand in return, “to be fair, you’re the one who’s made your distaste toward me very clear while all i did was confess my undying love to you.” he corrects with a pout. he places a hand over his heart in fake pain. 

your mouth gapes, “what? you’re the one who not only showed up late, but acted like a total douche the first time we met.” 

kenji laughs at this sheepishly, “yeah, about that..” he goes to rubs his hand on the side of his neck. 

“what?” you question. “don’t leave me hanging.”

kenji laughs, “that first meeting, i wasn’t actually late.” he starts. 

you shake your head, “yes you were. i waited there for almost half an hour.” 

“i was there fifteen minutes early, waiting by the door. but then i saw you walk past me, not even sparing a glance, and go into the training room.” kenji confesses. 

“then why were you so late?” you interrupt impatiently. you don’t remember seeing him there at all, and if he had been there, why didn’t he just go in straight after you instead of wasting your time. 

“i’m getting there, angel.” kenji taps his index finger on the tip of your nose. you swat his hand and wait for him to go on. 

“after you went in, i was stunned. truly. you were the most gorgeous being i’d ever seen, and you walked around like you didn’t even know it.” 

you smack his arm at his dramatic flattery, “shut up, quit playing around and get to the point.” 

“am i one to lie?” he asks rhetorically. 

you give him a look. “alright, maybe, but it doesn’t make what i said any less true. you are beautiful, and anyone who hasn’t told you that is an idiot.” 

you scoff, turning your head away from kenji. you rather him not see the rising redness on your cheeks. 

luckily kenji continues without comment, “anyway, after i got a hold of myself, i thought, ‘how was a guy supposed to walk in and face this goddess of a person supposed to be his trainer.’ he can’t, so he does the classic guy move, ‘act indifferent to make yourself seem cooler in front of a girl.”

“so you acted like an asshole….on purpose….because you wanted to be cool in front of me?” you repeat slowly, making sure you understood his stupid plan. 

“ok, i get it; it's not my best moment. trust me when i say i realized my mistake as soon as you started kicking my ass like it was nothing. but it actually made me like you more and even turned me on a bit-“

“ok, i think i got it!” you weren’t one to be so easily flushed, but it was hard not to when he was so blunt about affection toward you. even if it was vulgar. 

“after that horrible first meeting, i had to get you to like me.” kenji explains, “so i did my best to use my attractiveness and charming persona to seduce you. but, damn, you wouldn’t even bat an eye at my attempts. that only made me wanna do it more.” 

you cross your arms over your chest, “so what, you like me because i’m pretty and a challenge for you?” you ask with an aloof tone.

“maybe at the start, but now, everything about you has me captivated. your strength and resilience. the way people undermine you, but you don’t let it stop you from proving them wrong. how to most, you’re uptight and cold, but you actually care more than you’d want to admit. i admire that you want to be the best, but not for warner, for yourself.” your eyes begin to soften at kenji as he describes you so passionately. you didn’t realize observant of you he was. 

kenji continues, “hell, even your stubbornness. though, you break my heart a little every time you reject one of my very well thought out pick up lin-“

you don’t wait to hear anymore. abruptly, you sit up and yank him by the collar of his shirt, pulling him down to your eye level. you’re moving automatically as if in a trance, and your sturdy hand reaches the right side of his face. “shut up.” you say in a rushed whisper. 

then you kiss him. you actually, willingly, lean in and collide your lips with kenji kishimoto. you like it very much too. and there is no better feeling than the way his lips on yours make your heart race and body buzz with warmth and exhilaration. 

everything happened so quick, kenji was frozen in his spot for a good moment - his eyes so wide they could’ve popped out. then, he smoothly regained composure. his face relaxed, now having a giddy grin into the kiss,  and slid a hand to the back of your neck, under your hair, to hold you closer. 

even though the kiss was a heat-of-the-moment decision, the kiss itself wasn’t heated nor rushed. no, it was almost the exact opposite. your lips were tenderly pressed together, heads titled opposite directions so you fit together in sync. 

you move your touch to his covered chest, gripping his plain fitted shirt for dear life, a way to remind yourself that this was all very real. 

you’re the first to pull away; part of you already longing for his touch as you did. you felt dizzy, not in a loss of blood way, but in a weightless feeling way. you couldn’t stop the silly smile etched on your face, nor the flushed look that was likely written all over your face. you couldn’t even find yourself caring about it. 

kenji’s appearance isn’t much different from yours, but his smile is crooked and screams more of satisfaction and a bit of cockiness. “told you i’d eventually win you over.” 

you chuckle and lightly punch kenji’s bicep, shaking your head, “tell anyone, and i’ll deny it.” you threaten in jest. 

you tap your lips with your index finger and look up in mock contemplation, “hm. maybe if you explain how you turned us invisible back there i’ll think about a date.” you remind him. you were still owed a great explanation. 

kenji grins, “is that all it takes? well, then, i’ve got a hell of a story for you.” 

special thank you to @butterflyreads for being so patient and liking my works, hope you enjoy this one <3

#kenji kishimoto #kenji kishimoto x reader #kenji kishimoto x female reader #kenji kishimoto imagine #shatter me #shatter me fanfic #aaron warner #juliette ferrars #x female reader #reader imagine #reader insert

[kayas-kosmos]

Autism Symbol Dragon.

This is the autism symbol as a dragon. I did this to represent the influence my autism has on my art. This is a public domain drawing and anyone can use it for any reason.

I really like the infinity autism symbol over all others, especially the Godawful puzzle piece. It really encapsulates the diversity of our community and how unique every autistic individual is. But I wanted to do a little spin on it by turning it into a dragon to add some extra meaning. A dragon to me is the symbol of the imagination itself, since dragons are so diverse in of themselves and can look like or represent anything. But as well as imagination, I think the dragon also represent resilience and a ferocious passion.

My webcomic is absolutely full of different types of dragon. Here are just a few examples:

(Can you tell dragons are one of my special interests?)

I was diagnosed at about 3 and I've had a very mixed relationship with being autistic until recently. There was a time when I really hated having to bear the label of “autistic” and tried for years to erase that part of me because of the stigma. Being an artist allowed me to get away with being a bit weird because I could chalk it up to just being "an eccentric artist," but there was also the side of me that needed extra accommodations and help, the less glamorous side. I would often push myself to be as neurotypical as I could in these areas and I developed a debilitating fear of becoming a burden on others, to the point where it started damaging my mental health. Eventually, I developed panic attacks due to overworking myself (and struggles with accepting myself as queer), autistic shutdowns became more frequent and this lead to further humiliation and a further disgust towards my autism.

It wasn't until I became a freelancer a few years ago that I realised how much damage trying to hold myself to neurotypical standards was having on me. While being able to work remotely was a dream since it meant not having to deal with the sensory nightmare that is using the local bus service, it also meant I experienced autistic burnout more frequently. Then I came across the autistic community on Twitter, where I started to discover so much about myself and how my brain works.

I also made a lot of incredible friends through this and even had the courage to publicly come out as queer. Now I fully embrace being autistic, even the parts that society deems “unacceptable” like stimming and not making eye contact. I am happy in who I am and no longer see myself as a burden.

Sadly, there is often a discussion about whether autism should be cured or not, a discussion that should absolutely not be happening because autism is not a disease. If you "cured" my autism, you would also remove my art. My art and my autism are inseparable and one does not exist without the other. Autism has given me the ability to think outside the box and traits like my monotropism allow me to hyperfocus on a project until its completion. Having spoken to many autistic creatives throughout my life, a good chunk of our struggles do not come from being autistic itself, rather society’s refusal to accept or accommodate us. Many of us could achieve great things and truly innovate society, but there are too many systemic barriers in the way preventing us from doing so, and no amount of “hard work” or “conquering our disability” (fuck inspiration porn, seriously) can change that because individualistic solutions do not fix systemic problems. Simple solutions such as disability benefits that actually properly cover our living costs, a higher wage for carers of disabled people and proper work accommodations (including the option for remote work) would mean the world of difference for us.

Now personally, I am a bit more radical in my thinking and I believe the current system of Neoliberal Capitalism needs to be done away with entirely because ableism is built into Capitalism itself. This is what has drawn me to ideas such as anarchism and the Solarpunk movement. In particular, I try to live by the "12 principles of Permaculture" to the best of my ability. I think "Embrace Diversity" and "Produce No Waste" can be applied to living as a disabled person, since disabled people are often seen as a waste product under this system and embracing our differences means we are not wasted.

For those of you who have followed me for a while, you may have noticed that my art, like me, is weird. I love to embrace the weird and the quirky. My creatures are whimsical and bizarre. My characters all tend to be quirky outsiders. I have always been drawn to surrealism and absurdism, the work of Salvador Dali in particular really caught my attention.

Art has always been a safe way for me to explore the unusual and alien, and it has been a voice for me when speaking words fail. I use it to explore the things that frighten me and to help process a chaotic world. As weird as my art is, I think the weirdness and absurdity is a reflection of how weird and absurd our modern world is and how little sense it makes to me anymore.

There are often themes of environmentalism and the profound beauty of nature, influenced heavily by growing up in an area of natural beauty. Furthermore, the theme of "empathy for monsters" is a personal favourite. Maybe the reason why there are so many weird, twisted and grotesque monsters and creatures with tragic backstories in my webcomic universe is because I see myself in them - just weird little off-putting things that want compassion and to be understood.

As I have grown as a person, so has my art. The more I learn about my autism, the more I can open up and the better I can express myself.

On a final note, if you would like to support me and the work I do, please consider donating a Ko-Fi. It would really help me push towards my goal of finally launching my webcomic, plus it would also allow me to talk more about important topics surrounding disability, sustainable living and art/creature stuff.

Happy new year, everyone! And especially to all of my autistic and neurodivergent comrades out there.

#autism #actually autistic #neurodivergent #queer autistic #autistic artist #fantasy artist #digital artist #fantasy illustration #autism symbol #infinity symbol #creature design #dragon art #dragon artist #autistic art #autism art #permaculture #solarpunk

[dangermousie]

Something that struck me extra on this LLTG rewatch - how subtle yet unmistakable the narrative is about the fact that being sheltered and spoiled as a woman is a recipe for disaster.

NN, ill-educated STEM feral child, gets how important marriage partner choice is more than all the rest of them, properly brought up in womanly virtues.

No, I don't mean she yearns for true love (she gets it, eventually, but that is not what she hopes or looks for) - but what she gets and a lot of the rest of the young women we see do not, is that you want a husband you can like and get along with, who can let you be yourself (and who is also acceptable socially because she's pragmatic.)

That is why her first choice, until it's OBE, is Yao - he's sweet and he's a friend and she knows she'd be the boss in that marriage. All the ladies in the capital swoon for Ling Buyi but she is never consciously swayed. She doesn't realize he likes her and she's not someone to build fantasies/pine for someone she can't have (in a way, knowing the man likes her is a necessary precondition for her to be even able to open her heart - she's spent too much of her childhood fruitlessly yearning for familial love to want to repeat that in her marriage.) Yao openly adores her so this allows her to consider him as a partner (that is why Scholar dude never had a chance btw, his courtship style is negging and NN is the last person that would work for.)

In fact, even after she knows Ling Buyi likes her, she is NOT excited to marry him because she doesn't want someone too high a status compared to her and someone as strong-willed as him because what she sees, and a lot of the rest of women looking for husbands in this story do not, that if there is a huge status disparity and a man is used to getting his own way, there is a risk of having yourself subsumed. A lot of the latter half is the two awkward, scarred by various trauma young people navigating boundaries of their relationship and what is OK for them and what is not (Ling Buyi IS used to barking orders, NN is overly defensive about even the slightest suggestions - they eventually meet in the middle and it's lovely but it's even more lovely that the drama shows it takes work and conversations and compromises.)

The thing that she gets, perhaps because she's a pragmatic survivor, is how the choice of a husband is the most important thing for a woman in that society. Her life fully depends on that, even more than of e.g., an Austen heroine, because in addition to those hurdles, this is a polygamous society (so how many other women brought in and how husband treats the legal wife versus concubines etc also is an issue) AND a society where if your husband goes down, you and your kids will be executed/enslaved along with him. We see how badly wrong marriages can go - Yao's eventual wife's first marriage is a great example, where she marries a man who abuses her and kills her family. Or even that one woman who marries a general who dotes on her and is a great husband, but commits treason and is executed (and she's only spared by the grace of the emperor.)

And the fact that all those women swoon for Ling Buyi and want to marry him SHOWS how the sheltered/spoiled thing has fucked them up. Remember princess whatever? She is dead set on marrying Ling Buyi and it's insane to me. Yes, he's good-looking and quasi-son of the emperor who dotes on him (since it's safe to do so, he's outside the dynastic fight) but that's great for about three minutes and boasting at parties. She is so sheltered from reality, she does not think what it would be like to be married to him. I don't mean his revenge quest since nobody knows. I mean if he was exactly who he appears with no other goals. Ling Buyi dislikes her and makes it known. He's rude to her (he's rude in general. Hell, he's rude to his parental family, openly! And emperor lets him get away with it), he clearly looks down on her and at a couple of points he genuinely threatens her and her family with murder. He's not charming or gentle or considerate. THIS IS NOT A MAN YOU WANT TO MARRY OMG!!! It has clearly not occurred to her to think past being carried into this house, envy of all her girlfriends - day in, day out with a rude, violent man who is the emperor's favorite (so you can't really seek help from your family if he doesn't treat you well), who dislikes you and who is entitled to take other wives.

Anyway, I love NN and her pragmatic mind and that she makes Ling Buyi EARN her consent and her loyalty and her love. (But then she is ride or die for him, isn't she?)

#cdrama #love like the galaxy