#i fuckin love giving love to affection-deprived characters

[mooncleaver]

I'm Still Here

・✶ ｡ﾟ"you didn't want to paint toji as the bad guy, to push your own sense of betrayal and hurt onto his image. you didn't want megumi to resent him."

pairings: fushiguro megumi x mother!reader, minor fushiguro toji x fem!reader

warnings: very sad baby megs, toji leaving, unprovoked insults from a child (not megumi dw)

Today has been somewhat of a tense and worrisome day. Megumi's school had called in, reporting about the fight that your son got into. This was not a totally unfamiliar situation as Megumi had always been quite.. brazen, with his actions. 

The first time he was in a fight with someone was a day you still couldn't forget. You nearly had a heart attack; the first thing you thought being that your baby boy got hurt. Back then, you didn't really know how to deal with these situations properly. You were angry, disappointed and most of all so damn worried about him and what was going on in his life. The effects of that confrontation still lingered after that day: he became more distant, avoiding your questions whenever you tried to approach him. 

You took time to rethink what happened, trying to figure out ways that would make your relationship better. That was when you'd tried to be more gentle,—still stern, but much softer—not raising your voice in frantic concern but instead, trying to talk through his feelings and how it can affect the people around him. Megumi's gotten much better at opening up about his thoughts and emotions over the years, with each time the fights becoming less and less of an occurrence at school. You've tried your best to provide that space and comfortability for him and it was easy to see that he appreciated it. 

But sometimes.. the fights reoccurred when things got really out of hand.

Sitting on the sofa in front of him, you waited patiently for his explanation of what happened and why he was involved in the altercation. There were of course, consequences to his actions, depending on what had happened.

The silence could have stretched for seconds or minutes but you made no qualms to try and make him speak before he wanted to, only putting on a reassuring expression despite the turmoil brewing inside your head. It was the one thing that you would always remember to carry whenever you spoke with him: patience. Raising a child as a single mother could be incredibly taxing but you would never ever take your exhaustion out on him. And so you learnt to be patient, to take deep breathes whenever everything felt too overwhelming.

"He said that I.." He finally trailed off mumbling—borderline whispering—the last words of his sentence.

You took his warm hands into yours, thumbs stroking circles on the back of his hand, "Can you speak up for me please sweetheart? It's alright, you can talk to me."

Megumi paused, looking pained when he recalled those memories. He'd always had kind of a still face, looking like he was bored all the time. But as his mother, it was easy to eye the quirks and minuscule movements on his face, like how he would purse his lips and have that furrow on the front of his eyebrows whenever he was feeling upset. He closed his eyes as he began to open his mouth, long eyelashes kissing the pads of his cheeks while barely-held salty tears lined each strand.

"..he said that I was so stupid.. no wonder why my dad left."

The sound of your heart breaking felt deafening in your ears, ringing with mockery of not being able to protect your child and most of all, the fact that Megumi sounded so utterly defeated under those careless and ignorant words. No one, especially a child deserved to be blamed for something so personal that wasn't their fault. That's something that will forever be carved into their hearts. Your face must've had a fiery expression as Megumi meekly asked,

"Are you angry at me?.. I'm sor-"

"No!.. no, I could never be mad at you.. you don't need to apologize for that." Swiftly, you pulled his body towards you even more, gazing directly at his face. 

"I'm sor-" Megumi chokes out, afraid that you would leave him too, just like his father did.

"Oh my sweets shh, shh, come here.."

He hastily buried his head onto your chest and wrapped his small arms around your waist, almost clawing at your shirt as he desperately sought for comfort. It was like the dam had finally broken, the waterworks beginning to spill out as his cries enveloped the mellow living room. You were now kneeling on the floor after reaching out for him, reciprocating his gesture and tightening your hug to protect him from the cruelty of the world. With every single sob your son let out you felt your heart snap painfully little by little; his tears were like diamonds that the ground never deserved to touch.

"Mama's got you,"

You let him cry his emotions out, hands never faltering in gently rubbing his hair all the way to his back. It was hard to let him go. You couldn't bare to see his grief-stricken face, the tears that trickled down his vermillion-turned skin.

Though that exact expression came right in front of your vision when Megumi reluctantly and slowly lifted his head up from the warmth of your chest to gaze right at you. He looked so fragile, like a fine china doll: orange cheeks and guileless eyes puffed up, staring so painfully sharp as if they were glaring at you, the white reflections in his stygian pupils swirling rapidly in a whirlwind of turmoil and anguish.

"Did he leave because of me?"

The suffocating atmosphere became even more palpable now.

His question left your mouth hanging open, words caught up in the back of your throat as your breathe hitched precipitously.

You yourself didn't even know exactly why he suddenly left, only vaguely saying that Megumi would have a better life with you. And you believed him, fully and truly with all your heart because you loved him. With the circumstances—Megumi's future, particularly—it was understandable to a certain extent how that would become a factor to his decision, but that didn't justify the fact that he left his son without saying goodbye, or left your family without a speck of dirt expect for the fact that you see him every, single, day in Megumi's face. Hell, you didn't even know if he was still alive out there or not.

"Oh, honey.. of course not," you really we're struggling to keep a soothing face on. Out of instinct, your palms made their way onto his plump cheeks, cradling his face as you leaned closer.

"It's- it's difficult to explain, but it's not anything that you've done."

Gently stroking his cheeks, you took a deep breathe and completed your words delicately, "The world we live in... it's dangerous, and your father was trying to protect us. We are so, so sorry. And I-.. I know it can be hard, but he loves you, Megumi. We both love you very much."

It really wasn't much, but it was an answer. It was flawed too, filled with holes and unanswered questions that felt too far to reach, too unknown.

Your own heart was in cavernous disarray. You didn't want to paint Toji as the bad guy,—though arguably he seemed like it—to push your own sense of betrayal and hurt onto his image. You didn't want Megumi to resent him.

In the course of time, he deserved a proper explanation of what happened—one that wasn't too vague and simplified. Megumi had always been someone who felt deeply and there's a big chance that your son would have a seed of doubt and dislike inside of him, but all you wanted to do right now was give him comfort and the closure that he wasn't the catalyst of your separation.

Of course, you didn't forget to tackle the issue that was that menace classmate of his. Words are powerful weapons, and you intend to wield them in a positive manner. "Listen to me my love, you are the most brilliant and amazing boy I could ever have been blessed with. Remember that Megumi, you are our blessing. You have more bravery and love inside your heart than anybody and never, never let anyone take that away from you, okay?"

"..okay." He sniffled, wiping his tears away with the sleeve of his blazer.

"Mama loves you ‘Gumi, and you're not stupid. Don't listen to that boy and if he ever says anything like that again, tell me right away. I promise I won't be mad. It's right to defend yourself, but sometimes.. sometimes you have to be the bigger person." You reassured. When Megumi nodded in understanding, you started to press loving kisses to his forehead and eyelids until he squirmed and giggled; you relished in the small joy he displayed.

"Should we get some ice cream after this? How does that sound?" Food was truly the solution for everything.

In response, Megumi seemed to light up at the offer but furrowed his brows after and shyly looked at you with the most beautifully large, watery viridian eyes.

"Can we have yakisoba instead, please?"

Hah.. you should've known. The boy really liked anything with ginger.

"Of course we can." You replied, letting out a breathe chuckle as you ruffled his hair softly. Getting up from the carpet with slightly aching knees, you mustered a sweet, small smile and held out your hands to his, ready for a nice and warm meal to wash the heartache away.

WHAT DID YALL THINK OMG?? im a lil nervous bc i literally dont ever post anything other than pjo here.. but i actually write for a few other characters as well!

if you see this on wattpad btw, that's me! it's from my book 'rainbow connection' :D

also if this actually gets notes i will definitely be open to posting some of my other mamaguro!reader fics hehe

#fuck toji but also like.. fuck toji 😳 #megs is in 1st grade in this btw #i fuckin love giving love to affection-deprived characters #fushiguro toji x reader #jjk fushiguro #fushiguro megumi #toji x reader #mamagumi #mamaguro #megumi x mom reader #megumi fushiguro #megumi angst #megumi fluff #megumi fushiguro jjk #jjk #jjk angst #jjk fluff #jjk toji #what is this properly capitalized work.. so not me #fushiguro x reader #megumi x reader #jjk fic #toji fushiguro

[0046incognito]

ooohh... tell us all about hibiki... i would like to know

i already gave the basics so now for specifics😈😈hibiki is SO GOOD he is so near&dear to my heart i cannot believe he used to be a minor character but he means so much to me that i restructured EVERYTHING to make him the main protagonist

he’s like ten (AI-wise; chronologically he’s only existed for about six months because computers age and become obsolete super fast) and is just doing his fucking best this poor kid is so deprived of praise and love and support he just needs a big hug and a BIIIIG FUCKIN BLANKET.

his greatest power is his autism stare he has kind of a flat affect so a lot of his expressions are pretty muted, and robots don’t need to blink so he only ever blinks if it’s like one of those emotive blinks. he is super fucking autistic about insects ESPECIALLY beetles his favorite are rhinoceros beetles i have learned SO much about bugs for the sake of hibiki infodumping about them

he’s also super claustrophobic and has real bad abandonment issues both of which almost certainly stem from the whole Waking Up In A Dumpster With Amnesia thing. he’s so goddamn paranoid about getting thrown out again so his people-pleasing instincts are set to max, but he’s pretty bad at reading people so he’s not Super good at it he’s better with helping when people are obviously physically injured

on that note, hibiki has been described as “scary good” at first aid. he’s not designed to be a medical bot, but he has a well-stocked first aid kit (of unknown origin) in his backpack and could fucking give someone stitches on the spot if necessary. he’s fine with blood and human injury, he just gets real concerned cuz of the first law and can be kind of morbid about warning meatbags to be careful, but he is EXTREMELY squeamish about robogore and HATES‼️‼️‼️‼️having to get repaired himself. like in a modern AU if he saw someone whose smartphone had a cracked screen he would wince and look away. unfortunately he’s pretty clumsy and androids cannot typically self-heal, nor does he know much about computers (nor does he want to find out how to do surgery on them), so he’s pretty desperately in need of repairs but keeps himself held together with duct tape. he’s lucky his hair’s so thick and fluffy cuz his forehead has a real bad fuckin spiderweb crack on it

there is SO much to say about him that’s slipping my mind right now i’d need more specific qustions MCUSKGNWKFNEK hibiki is just a good kid who deserves a lot better than what he has to go through

#cmy2k #hibiki himura #not art

[kenmolly]

hi!! can you do tecchou fluff? im so deprived of content for him and i cant wait until s4 i just need some fuel for tecchou :DD love ur blog btw

𝄰 𝔭𝔞𝔦𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔤᎓ tecchou x gn!reader

𝄰 𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢᎓ fluff ‹3

𝄰 𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤᎓ non proof read and bsd manga spoilers

𝄰 𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔢᎓ aaaa i'm so fuckin hyped for s4 rn. i can't wait to hear the new characters' voices!! and thank you so much, you're so sweet hun. c'mere leme give you a kiss mwah ♡

─ dating tecchou would be like adopting a little child. sometimes it'd be fun around him, sometimes it'd be annoying. but, of course, you'd find it more enjoyable when you're with him than annoyed. after all, that's the reason why you caught feelings, right?

─ i feel like both of you would bully each other all the time and do dumb stuff together. you know like watching the ants do their stuff or try out weird food combinations together. and then at all times you would insult and call each other names. everyone from the hd think that you're a weird couple but really, it's actually very fun.

─ other than that you can say that tecchou is quite protective. doesn't matter where you both are at, he'd always demand you to stay close to him. in fights, he'd always be around you just in case anything happens even if you told him that you can take care of yourself. when there are creeps harassing you? well, say bye-bye to them 'cause your beloved boyfriend would definitely scare them away.

─ now let's talk about dates. what dates would tecchou usually bring you to? i feel like it'd usually be dates that include foods and arcades. you both would definitely make a bet on each other and the loser will have to do whatever the winner says. especially on arcade dates, you'd either play those fighting games, racing games, shooting games, or aiming games for the bets.

─ when you're sick, I don't think he'd be too concerned about it unless it's super serious. if it's just some normal fever or headache, he'd just go, "there's some medicine in the cabinet. go eat them and remember to send me those photos of the birds we watched yesterday," lmao all he cares about are the photos 😭

─ moving on, if you're very sick like having a high fever, he'd definitely take care of you. he'll bring you food, medications, and be by your side all day. but don't think he'd show too much affection because I feel like he isn't good with it. he tries tho, maybe some head pats here and there and forehead kisses when you're asleep.

─ he'll change the warm towel for you if it gets cold and tucks you in comfortably in the bed if you've moved around too much. when you get better, he'd definitely annoy you by saying how tired he was taking care of you when you were sick. but honestly, he doesn't mind it at all; he just wants to annoy you since he's got the chance to

─ does tecchou love physical affection? the answer would be yes and no. if you're both home alone, he'd love to cuddle with him being the small spoon. it brings him comfort knowing that someone actually loves and cares for him. but when you're both out of the house. no, definitely no.

─ not even finger holdings, let me tell you. it's not that he hates it, he's embarrassed. the thought of letting everyone see the both of you having physical affection scares the shit out of him. especially jouno and teruko, they're already teasing and bugging tecchou about your relationship with him; letting them see physical affection between you and him? no way.

© cara (@kenmolly). all rights reserved. please refrain from reposting, plagiarizing, translating, or reproducing my work in any form possible.

#✎ — cara writes #cara spilling spoilers #bsd fluff #bsd x y/n #bsd x reader #bsd #bsd x you #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs #bsd tecchou #tecchou x reader #tecchou x y/n #hunting dogs bsd #bsd manga #anime #manga #fanfic #fanfiction #headcanon #one shot #tecchou suehiro

[latimeria-fell-from-heaven]

I think some or almost characters on both Love Nikki and Shining nikki needs a therapy.

My lady(Nikki) was having an issue that kept getting bigger.

—°u°

hi hi °u°!

sjdhcbcdub nonnie, the fact that you are absolutely right is both funny and sad, bc a huge majority of the characters need extensive therapy, emotional and mental fixing, and positive surroundings/genuine love and affection. tbh they all just need a hug.

analysis below ( fuckin therapy bro ) !

mercury definitely needs to seek out therapy; i mean, the dude was ostracized from birth just because of his being biracial, which is literally completely fine, but royalty in pigeon kingdom sucks ass. also he definitely has major daddy issues, and no, it isn't the quirky kind like those weird 12-year-olds say. like his father straight-up tried to assassinate him when he was a kid just to protect his position and reputation is so wrong on so many levels. so it's not a surprise to anyone when he finally kills his dad, although this highlights how twisted mercury himself has become. he's no longer innocent and has become jaded to the world around him, and only has himself to rely on now. mercury hardly had anyone who was truly kind to him, the exception being his half-sister and his mother, and literal strangers, so he's been utterly deprived of genuine affection and love and as a result, sees true love as something that doesn't exist and openly wonders if does exist at all.

qin yi is another antagonist that needs therapy, mainly emotional therapy, seeing his background. he was born in the slums and had to scrounge for food and even had to starve for days at a time, and would even have to steal food just to satisfy his hunger. later, when he began to train to become an actor, he was constantly bullied and beaten into submission, because nobody believed he'd ever become someone important, much less someone in the world regardless. qin yi had no choice but to bury his true self, and his brewing emotions just to become the man he is today. so when he gives the first performance that gave him the fame he has today, he had likely thrown away any last shred of himself, the real him, and embraces this new, lifeless him that wears a constant mask and manipulates every one around him.

zoey has had to become a soldier ever since she was young, and she definitely shows how war, violence, and death can twist and jade a child. she's literally had to kill people around her pre-teens, something no child should ever have to do in the first place, but she did. she's become so accustomed to it that she sees it as normal and shows no hesitancy when it comes to partaking in gunfights, as seen in her mind maze. she even had to shoot her mentor, and while it's never explicitly stated, we can guess that this has stuck with her ever since. while zoey has indeed become much more influential and stronger, especially with how she presents herself to others, she'll still carry those mental scars of a childhood that was riddled with death, guns, and bullets.

loen started out as a soldier, and it goes without saying that soldiers have definitely seen shit while serving, and sometimes they get more than they bargained for. with loen's case, he's literally been on the frontlines of war, seen the aftereffects of it, loved through it all and even witnessed people dying in pretty gruesome ways. but surprisingly, he handles all of this quite well and keeps a smile on his face, still being realistic but still maintaining a cheery attitude. he doesn't show any symptoms of ptsd, like any soldier may show, loen would definitely carry the trauma of war within his mind but chooses to look past it and focus on the more positive side.

lilith/ashley is a definite showcase of pretty privilege, but also how people only love you for your looks, and not for your personality and you as a whole. because of the beauty standards of where she grew up, she was alienated and bullied by her own foster sister relentlessly. it was sad because she was a genuinely good person and was incredibly pretty, even with the blemish that covered her eye. when she becomes lilith, everyone loves her. they adore her. they shower her with praises, with love, all of the things she could have ever wanted. she became a literal queen for fucks sake because of her beauty. but in reality, nobody loves "her." they do not truly care for her. they only love her because of her beauty, and not for the person she is. so even if she is surrounded by her people's love, she will always be alone and no one will love the real her. and she knows it.

poor nikki has been through so much, has seen so much, and she carries these burdens wherever she goes. however, unlike the majority of these characters, she has a support system. she has people to fight for, she has people who genuinely love her for who she is, and she has a good heart. she has us and momo to rely on, but a majority of the time, she completely relies on us. we give her the boost she needs, we aid her because we care about her, and nikki knows and cherishes this. she spills her heart out to us, and we listen and give the appropriate responses. so she remains to be the good person she is, because she has us and momo at her side, and she'll continue to mature and grow because of the positive influence she has.

#lati speaks #°u° anon

[13atoms]

Grit (Javier Peña x F!Agent!Reader)

This is my first time writing for Narcos, but I really liked Peña as a character, so here we are. I might do a second part of this, let me know what you think!

Friends-to-lovers, set during s2, no smut but canon-typical nsfw. [4.9k]

*

You sighed, then coughed out a delirious laugh, as the news crackled through Murphy’s radio.

It had been yet another trap, yet another informant you couldn’t trust, yet another victory for Escobar. You, Murphy and Peña were sat in a tense little circle, huddled around Javi’s messy desk. The evening had lasted forever, a whole carton of smokes crumbled into the ash tray, each of you nursing headaches from clenched jaws, palms sweaty, tired of the endless threats from Steve to go and join the agents in the field.

Each stutter of noise on the radio had signalled a new round of tense glances between the three of you, notes scribbled down, short fingernails carving half-moon into palms.

Then, it was over. No fatalities on any side seemed a small miracle, but you knew Javi took no pleasure in hearing that the enemy hadn’t lost anyone either. Shot and bleeding and bruised, every bastard who had walked into that fight managed to scramble away. The transmission from the scene finished curtly, and you felt the three of you deflate.

“Fuck,” Peña muttered.

Murphy slamming his closed fists onto the desk painfully hard.

You exhaled, reeling from the whole evening, stretching back in your chair and wondering what the hell this meant for tomorrow.

“Again,” you sighed, hearing the other agents grunt in shared frustration.

Leaning forward you perched your elbows on the desk, throwing your notes away from you in disgust, letting your head fall into your hands. Your eyes ached, your very bones feeling unimaginably fragile as your muscles untensed and your heart fought to restore calm to your body. It was no good. Adrenaline like this would last hours.

Murphy grabbed his gun from the desk, kicked his chair away as he stood, storming from the room. When you looked up to Javier, worried about what the stupid bastard might do, he just rolled his eyes.

You had a sneaking suspicion that the three of you would be spending your pay checks on whiskey that night.

“Fucking hell,” you declared, more to fill the silence than anything else.

Peña gave a strange little laugh, shaking his head. He copied you, elbows on the table, letting his forehead fall heavily to his palms with the weary exhaustion which had plagued all of you since you first heard the name Escobar.

“What a shit show.”

You nodded in agreement, aching eyes closed. Each blink felt like it would scratch, the darkness of the office only broken by the shitty fluorescent light which created a tiny island of life around Peña’s desk. Everyone else was on the raid, or at home.

Sensible.

“We have to get him. One day. That bastard can’t run forever.”

Peña’s hum of agreement had no conviction, it was as uncertain as you felt, but you liked to imagine he really believed you.

You could feel your body giving up on you, so deprived of everything human for so long in pursuit of a man who always managed to escape back into the shadows. Hunger gnawed at your stomach, the muggy heat parched your lips, your head ached from the smokiness of the room and the sleep which evaded you more and more these days. Your skin felt dirty, no matter how often you washed, stained with guilt and the rivers of blood which ran through Bogotá. It didn’t matter how often Peña told you it wasn’t your fault: you knew your guilt, your sense of inadequacy, would weigh on you for as long as the Cartel was alive and operational.

He felt it too, the hypocrite.

The hunt had drained everything from you. Every ounce of softness and humanity. How long had it been since you were hugged? Since you knew a peaceful night’s sleep or a kind touch? Since you entered a room without imagining the ceiling joists falling under the force of a car bomb? You had slept with a gun nearby since you had joined the DEA here, thinking yourself paranoid. Now, you slept with the damn thing loaded.

“I had such a good feeling about this one,” Peña mused, more to himself than anyone else. You knew he would go home tonight filled with guilt.

Maybe he would take it out on some poor sex worker, fuck away his guilt and fear and frustration.

Maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe he would call you, pretend the phone lines weren’t monitored as the two of you spoke in vague terms. Unable to discuss work on an unsecured line, desperate to hear something real from another human being, exchanging snippets of your shaking voices until one of you finally managed to find sleep.

With nothing else to discuss, the two of you would talk about yourselves.

You never knew how much was true. How much was omitted. You lied sometimes, out of instinct more than anything, and you knew Javi did too. People like you always did. Beneath it all, though, you got the strange sense that you were really hearing something honest about him.

In the deep grumble of his voice, his landline phone cord stretched to his bed as he took the distraction as a chance to drift off, you would hear something real about him. A story from his youth, some reminder that he was real and mortal, a complaint about an injury that wouldn’t heal, some grievance with a dry cleaner. Even the scratch of his stubble as he ran a hand over it sounded like a confession. A reminder you both had beating hearts.

Every word you exchanged, hitched breaths, waiting for reactions or hums down the phone to tell one another you were smiling.

That felt real.

You blinked, wincing at the horrid overhead lights, which seemed to flicker periodically, only when it would really piss you off. Javi was looking at you with concern, the deep lines of his forehead contorted over a raised eyebrow. His badge was in one hand – he’d been fidgeting with it for hours – but his over hand was extended towards you. Palm up, like he was offering it to you.

When you met his eyes you saw worry, mixed with sheer exhaustion, and tried to offer a weak smile.

Someone was moving in a corridor outside, and he waited for their steps to grow quiet until he spoke.

“Are you okay?”

He didn’t need an answer. The weak smile you offered felt like enough to make you cry, and he closed his open fist, nodded his head in understanding.

“Yeah,” he sighed.

He shared the same burden, the same burnout, pulling him to the ground with ten times the force of gravity, yet refusing to let him take a break in pursuit of these bastards.

“Go home,” he offered sincerely, raising that awkwardly hovering hand to clap onto your shoulder.

You closed your eyes. There was nowhere you wanted to be more than your own bed, but as you devoted a second to thinking about getting home, your body felt impossibly heavy.

“I’m exhausted,” you admitted, hoping Javi didn’t notice the tremble in your voice.

“You look it,” he agreed.

With a raised eyebrow and half-hearted glare you had him scrambling to apologise.

“I- I mean, you look lovely, doll. Always do. Just, shattered. I can barely see it –”

When you laughed, he realised you’d been joking, letting his head fall onto the desk braced by his exposed forearms. You glanced at the clock, realising it was gone midnight. None of you would be in the next day. You’d already gotten the time off, knowing the raid would run late.

They usually did.

Especially lately, everything the DEA did seemed to become an unmitigated disaster.

“Give me a minute, ‘til I can be bothered to walk to my car,” you mumbled, knowing Javi would understand your words.

You admired the mussed up back of his hair, looking worse-for-wear after a day of being tousled and pulled at by his twitchy hands. You wanted to fix the piece which was sticking straight up, but your arms felt too heavy to move.

Adrenaline was a funny thing. It left you jittery, pent-up, and yet completely stationary.

It would be fine once you moved, you knew. You’d forced your body through this gruelling pattern often enough.

You rolled your neck, moaning at the tightness in the muscles, and Javi looked up with that damn cheeky grin. He should be exhausted, but there he was, eyebrows raised, eyes gleaming with mischief. You groaned at him. That man could find an innuendo anywhere.

About to look away, you forced yourself to meet his challenge instead.

“I’m starting to see why you go to those fuckin’ brothels,” you drawled. “You think I could convince them to give me a neck rub?”

“I’m sure they’ll rub anything you want, sweetheart.”

You rolled your eyes, laughing as one hand remained on the back of your neck, the muscle rock solid from hours in this stupid metal chair. He stretched out his closed fists and stood wordlessly, taking his place behind your chair like it was the most natural thing in the world. You were about to say something when he commandingly rolled your head forwards, tugging your collar down. When his warm hands found your neck, you gave him a rumbling, contented moan far better than the one which had piqued his interest.

For just a second you felt the slow movements on your neck halt, before he continued to clumsily kneed at the muscle either side of your spine. It hurt, his strong hands against all those tender spots, but it was the best kind of ache.

His hands grew gentler, rubbing softly for a moment, before he spoke.

“Better?” he grunted, and you found yourself scanning the room for something reflective, disappointed that you couldn’t drink in the image of Javier behind you.

“Better,” you choked out, your voice unnatural as you felt the closeness of his touch affecting you.

It had just been too long, you told yourself.

Fuck, you wanted him to do that to the rest of your back. Your limbs. Those strong hands learning your body. And more, if he wanted it.

He cleared his throat and stepped away, and you rolled your shoulders, starting to collect your notes and belongings to leave. Javi slipped his jacket on, adjusting the collar and shaking the arms into place, and you fought not to watch.

“That’ll save you some money from the ladies of the night,” he teased, his tone just a little flatter than it ought to be.

You knew him well enough to sense awkwardness in that rough voice.

“Who said anything about ladies?” you shot back. “Are there male prostitutes? Must be.”

Javi seemed a little shaken, less steady on his feet as he took a second attempt to kick his chair under his desk. He was squaring up papers and stationary as if that was all it would take to tidy the mess around his typewriter, refusing to meet your eyes.

“I haven’t met any,” he ground out, “so I’m not sure I can help you there.”

“And I thought you were a connoisseur.”

You were a little taken aback when he didn’t laugh, and the playful smile fell from your lips. You hadn’t realised how much you were waiting for his deep chuckle, his silence forming a strange missing link in your conversation. Looking up at him, you found him staring at your shoes.

“I’m just teasing, Javi,” you started to apologise.

“No, no. No worries.”

He cleared his throat, playing with the notebook, badge, and keys in his grasp. Passing them from hand to hand. He walked abruptly to the door, toeing it open with his shoe, one hand on the light switch as he waited for you. As you joined him, he looked down, that handsome face distorted with a slight frown.

Frowning seemed to come a little to easily to his features these days.

“I’ll walk you to your car,” he rumbled, and you nodded gratefully.

He locked up behind you, and you felt a pang of guilt for ruining a perfectly good moment. You could still feel the phantom touch of his hands on your neck, the callouses of his fingers, experienced with women and yet inexperienced in such gentle touches.

The two of you strode down the dark corridors, and you wondered if he’d always walked that far away from you. He was walking a few feet ahead, and it felt like miles.

“I really didn’t mean anything by it,” you apologised, mumbling in the hopes he might not reply.

“No, I… I’m not upset. It’s fine. I’m just tired.”

You hummed, knowing he could sense your dissatisfaction with his answer. You were too dazed to find the right words.

As you stepped out into the muggy evening air, blinking against the flood lights, both of you froze. There was some commotion in the parking lot. Someone in plainclothes detained by a guard and another man dead on the ground, riddled with bullet holes. You weren’t sure why, but even after all the violence you saw every day, the puddle of blood around him made you clench your jaw with disgust.

Peña stepped in front of you defensively. He usually treated you as just another officer, but off-duty his protectiveness always seemed to kick in. Tonight, you felt your heart clench in gratefulness, as he approached the scene carefully, fingers on his holster. You were too exhausted to keep up with the rapid conversation between Javier and the guards, only tearing your gaze from the dead stare of the body on the ground when Peña called your name. A third time. He waved a hand in front of your face, and you blinked rapidly, apologising as you focused back in on the moment.

You expected the off-white flash of his teeth, laughing at your slowness, some snarky comment about seeming slow, doll. His solemn frown, his concern, was more startling than the flash of his palm in front of your face.

“That’s it,” he told you gruffly, one hand wrapped lightly around your bicep, “I’m driving you home.”

You laughed, half in surprise, and he smiled wearily.

“You’re exhausted.”

Ignoring his comment, you frowned, words tumbling from your mouth before you could stop them.

“Can you call me? Tonight?”

You knew it was pathetic. You sounded pathetic. You knew that.

He went to reply, and you found yourself unable to stop speaking to hear the answer.

“I just… I don’t know how I’ll sleep. I think… I want to hear your voice,” you stumbled.

Javier sighed, smiled slightly, gave a surprisingly bashful nod of his head.

“I’ll call.”

The two of you climbed into his car in silence, and you kept your focus on the moving dials of the dashboard as Javi crawled past the crime scene, joining traffic. The radio hummed quietly, indistinguishable from the noise outside, and you rest your head on the edge of the seat. As Javier drove you through the city streets you felt your energy return, as you knew it would. It always happened like this. You would be too exhausted to leave, be tempted to make a camp on the cool concrete floor of the office. Then, as soon as you were almost at your own front door, you would have the energy to run laps of the block.

You watched out the window, catching reflected glimpses of the flex of Javier’s forearms as he shifted gear, the columns of his neck as he shouted to other drivers, and deft way he handled the steering wheel.

Flashes of red and pink lights made you smile slightly as the car crawled through traffic. It wasn’t a part of town you’d visited outside of work, but you recognised the streets. Javi rolled down the window as you passed brothels, the darkness punctuated by flashes of beautiful women who cooed at Javi from their doorways. You refused to let yourself wonder how many he knew by name.

Then you wondered why you cared.

“Don’t want me to drop you off?” he teased, and you rolled your eyes.

You wondered if Javi had really taken this longer route on purpose, just to make a joke. From the smile on his face, you would believe it. He looked pleased with himself as you gave a groan, trying to hide your amusement.

“Any of them your type?” he goaded again, gesturing out the window, chewing his words.

You shifted in your seat, sitting up properly, blinking back a headrush as everything suddenly felt real again.

“None of them look much like John Travolta,” you noted, smiling as yet another gaggle of women gave the car flirty waves.

A few called out male names, fakes names you presumed, and you saw the man beside you wince. You waved back, smiling. Javier groaned, thumping his thumb against the leather of the steering wheel.

“Travolta? Really?”

You laughed, the lightest you’d felt all day, at the grimace on Peña’s face.

“Yes, Travolta! I’d totally pay a Travolta look alike. You got a problem with that?”

“He’s too soft. No grit.”

“He seems nice!”

Truthfully, there wasn’t much time for films out here. Even less American celebrity gossip. But you remembered him being very popular before you left.

“You could pick up a Travolta look-alike at any bar in this damn city, they’d be falling over themselves. You certainly wouldn’t need to pay them.”

You gave a private smile at the hypocrisy in his voice, as he scoffed over the idea of paying someone for sex. As if he was short on women who found him attractive.

“Yes, but unlike any old bloke in a bar, if I paid they couldn’t fall asleep on me after two minutes.”

Even as the traffic picked up speed, Javi rubbed a hand over his face in frustration, groaning yet again.

“That’s fuckin’ depressing.”

You could hear the unsaid pet name on his tongue, a strange stutter to the rhythm of his sentences, and you wondered why he held it back. The drawl of doll or sugar when he spoke to you was as natural as breathing at this point.

“Yeah.”

The red lights of brothels were far behind you now, and yet Javi was still driving the wrong way, taking a longer route to your place. You bit your lip, looking straight ahead and wondering why he was stalling taking you home.

Hoping you knew the reason.

Javier suddenly shouted, clutched the steering wheel as a car full of young guys cut him off, one hand reaching out like a safety harness across your chest as he slammed the brakes on. As soon as his arm was there, inches from your chest, it was gone again. He was changing gear and honking his horn and swearing under his breath, and you were trying to process the tight feeling in the pit of your stomach. He apologised as he swung the steering wheel, taking a side street to avoid the car ahead, wary of the guns and middle fingers waved from the windows by young men still convinced they were invincible under the cover of night.

You exhaled shakily, blinking away sleepiness as you tried to process what had happened, frustrated at yourself for your slowness.

He seemed to remember himself as the car crawled past sleeping houses, the headlights sweeping across cobblestone, finally in the direction of your place.

“Sorry, darling,” he muttered, fingers tapping on the wheel irately.

“No problem. Can’t be careful enough, at the moment.”

He hummed and nodded, gave you a quiet sideways glance before training his eyes on the road again. One hand rested on the gear shift, curved around so his wrist brushed your thigh as you uncrossed and crossed your legs. He glanced towards you again, something so inconspicuous you hardly recognised it, and you wondered if he knew you were trying not to stare.

The brakes complained under Peña’s foot as he finally rolled to a stop outside your building, the night as quiet as Bogotá ever got. There were a few lights on in your block, the faint shouts of an arguing couple muffled as they drifted on the late night air, a baby crying, faint sirens. All reminders that you were yet to settle this torn city.

Javier cleared his throat and reached for the handbrake, cutting the engine but leaving one hand on the ignition. No doubt it was one of those habits which had saved his life once, and then he could never drop it. You felt the slight movement of the car as his foot finally left the brake, and you smiled privately at how overly cautious he was, ready for anything to go wrong.

He shook slightly at the gear shift, checking it was in neutral.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow, if you want. To get your car. Or the next time you need to be in the office. Whenever you need me, doll. Just be safe.”

He swiped at his moustache nonchalantly as he spoke then reached for a cigarette, leaving it between his lips unlit. He pulled a lighter from his pocket one handed, poised to light it as you spoke.

“Thanks, Javi. I really appreciate it, you’re too good to me.”

He froze up, before slowly moving the lighter to the centre console of the car, dropping it into the tray there with a clatter.

“Don’t say shit like that,” he grumbled around the cigarette, but you smiled anyway.

Seeing his prickly exterior come out only meant he was protecting himself from being vulnerable. He looked up at your building, ducking to survey the height of it. You knew it was rougher than where he and Murphy had ended up, but you liked the community of it.

“We gotta get you moved closer to us,” he muttered to himself, shaking his head for show, and you huffed out a laugh.

“I’m fine, Javi. Thank you for the lift.”

As you reached for the door handle he seemed to startle, the bubble of calm inside the car burst as a rush of hot air and noise swarmed through the open door.

“I’ll walk you in,” he declared, stashing his gun beneath his jacket and pulling the keys from the ignition.

“It’s fine, please, you can call me tonight,” you insisted, your feet finally hitting the ground as you got out of the passenger seat.

When you looked back into the vehicle for a gentle goodbye, you were surprised to see something sad on his face. Something disappointed, lonely, enough to make your heart clench.

“Unless you want to come in?”

He was beside you in an instant, the car needlessly loud in the click as Javi twisted his keys in the door to lock it.

“You’ve had a long day,” he reminded you, one hand hovering insistently behind your lower back, refusing to touch or grow further from you as you approached the entrance to your building.

It felt like forever ago, the failed raid, the violence at your office, the feeling of being fused to that bruising-hard metal chair as your heart raced in time with the static of the radio. The memory of Javi’s hands on you had finally vanished for just a second, until he brought it right back.

“You have too, Javi,” you muttered, looking away as you found your key.

“I’ll sleep like a baby tonight,” he grumbled, feet heavy on the stairwell as you ascended to the second story of the building.

“No other plans?”

Your question was supposed to be light-hearted, both of you breathing more heavily as you reached the threshold to your apartment. Key in the lock, you turned to see Javi leaning against the wall as casually as if he belonged there.

“None,” he whispered, “I’m here as long as you need me.”

Who said I needed you?

His arms were folded, fists clenched, and you wondered if he was stopping himself from reaching out.

He followed you inside quickly, taking the liberty of sliding over every lock on the door before you had the chance to. You could see him mentally sweeping the room, craning his neck to look for anything which might make his instincts rear up. You crossed to the small kitchen counter, dumping everything you were carrying down, as he gently paced the small space. He stuck his head into the bedroom, the bathroom, just checking.

Somewhere deep down, you knew why.

He would never forgive himself if something happened to you.

“Drink?”

Peña nodded, and you stepped back to let him raid the fridge himself, needing no permission. He’d been here enough times, though you couldn’t remember a time without Murphy. It was a different feeling, just the two of you. Calmer. Safer. You couldn’t meet his eyes as you moved around to switch on a couple of side lights. You knew you should eat, but you couldn’t walk back to the kitchen. Not while Peña was there.

The shouting had stopped, the baby had silenced, and yet you knew you wouldn’t sleep if you went to bed now.

Not a chance in hell.

You wondered if that was what Javier was doing too: distracting himself from the thoughts which would find him in sleep. By eating everything in your kitchen, apparently.

“I should cook for you, sometime,” he called, though his voice was quieter than you’d expected. Closer.

“You any good?” you teased, straightening up a stack of papers which would immediately slump into a mess again.

“Not really.”

You laughed a little, hearing his matching chuckle behind you. As you turned you found yourself suddenly between his arms, so close you could see the irritated red threatening the whites of his eyes. You wanted to stroke a thumb across those lines in the furrow of his brow, force him to relax until he turned back into the bright-eyed man you’d once known, who relished wasting government money on the finer things in life, and cheered like he’d won a star player when you were assigned to his team.

It seemed like a lifetime ago, and yet here he was, still in front of you. The same man, beneath the exhaustion and the things he’d seen since starting this damn job. As you were examining the lines of his face, the dark circles which never quite managed to overshadow the beauty of his dark eyes, he was staring at you.

He gave you warning, time to move away or speak or – something. He told you what he wanted with heavy eyelids and a light grip on your jaw, in the slight shuffle of his body closer to yours. Then he kissed you, like it had always made sense. It didn’t feel like the first time, he felt familiar. The slight tickle of facial hair against your face, the tensing of his fingers, seeming to engulf your whole skull and guiding you to lean into him as he groaned into your mouth.

The sound of your lips separating made your eyes open, staring wide at Javier like he was a new man. His grip on your face slipped to hands resting on your shoulders as he watched you, waiting for a reaction, bottom lip between his teeth as he bit down a grin.

You smiled openly, only able to look at his face, and he matched you with a laugh. He pulled you with him as he walked backwards, dragging you on top of him as he sat on your couch, muffling your apologies with a kiss as you fell heavily onto his lap.

The couch creaked beneath him as your mouths met heavily, but if Peña had even felt the weight of you, he didn’t flinch. He was kissing you like the world was ending, like he had seconds before the two of you would be gone forever, and he was determined not to miss a second against your skin.

It had felt like that, you supposed. That you would be ripped from one another too soon. Countless times together you had been seconds from death, an inch from bleeding out, hours from being blown up. It could all end soon, the two of you swallowed in flames or a shower of bullets. Perhaps he was making up for each and every time you had called for one another across a soon-to-be crime scene, desperately glad to see each other unharmed.

Peña’s hand on your waist grounded you, dragged you back into the moment, and you poured everything you had into kissing him so hard his lips would be reddened for days. You wouldn’t apologise for the roughness of it – he was determined to bruise you in response, sharing the kind of desperation which couldn’t be expressed in any other way.

Finally his second hand found your waist, gently prompting you to sit up in your straddle across his lap, staring at this new glassy-eyed, wild expression he wore.

“I’m no Travolta,” he panted, the words ghosting across you face.

You sighed. No living that one down.

“He’s not got enough grit for me anyway,” you promised, pressing a gentle kiss to the aquiline slope of his nose, before strong hands guided your lips straight back to his.

#javier pena #javier pena x reader #13atoms #javier pena x you #no y/n #javier pena fic #javier pena imagine #narcos fic #fic

[amoosewritesfanfic]

Hi, how are you, how are you keeping are you safe during quarentine? Anyways I was wondering if you could do a shinsou x reader x bakugou sort of like shinsou and bakugou realise they love y\n and they try and fight for her love but in the end she can't choose so they have a poly relationships, you don't need to take this request if you want to I know you are probably busy with writing so its ok. Anyways hope you are ok during this quarantine so yea, have a good day!

[Bakugou Katsuki x Fem!Reader x Shinsou Hitoshi]

[+18]

[Warnings: poly, kissing, teasing, theres no sex... for now👀.]

[I own none of the characters or art, all credit goes to original creators]

-

You were in a bit of a pickle at the moment.

Both Shinsou Hitoshi and Katsuki Bakugo had confessed to you on the same day, but different times.

So you were sitting with somewhat of a problem now, but the problem wasn't that you couldn't decide the problem was the two screaming at each other.

Of course Katsuki was being vulgar and causing those small explosions to go off but Shinsou, to your surprise hadn't even used his quirk to shut Katsuki up.

"Oi, Y/N who do you want?!" Katsuki said startling you slightly, but you looked up at the two of them, your cheeks flushed bright red.

They really didn't need to make a scene like this.

"Can... can we not do this here please." You plead, it felt like the entire student body was sitting and watch the two fight for your affections.

"Alright." Was all Shinsou said as he took hold of your hand and led you and Katsuki, who followed grumbling something about blowing up the sleep deprived grape...

You took hold of Katsuki's hand as well to ease his stress and he almost immediately calmed down, giving your hand a soft squeeze.

...

Once the three of you were out of the schools prying eyes Shinsou turned to look at you and Katsuki, Katsuki shifted so his was standing next to Shinsou so you could look at the both of them.

Both of them still holding onto your hands with no signs of letting go. Your face felt hot, but it was more from embarrassment.

"Look you two..." you started, you felt both of them tensing up.

"I really appreciate you both confessing to me, it honestly was really sweet of you guys, but I honestly don't think I could pick between you two. Don't get me wrong. You're both so amazing and if I had the choice I would date the both of you..." you explained.

"You make my heart flutter and it would probably be selfish to ask to date both of you..." you whispered.

Shinsou shook his head, a hand lifting to stroke your cheek.

"Honestly it isn't, but are you sure you like this blonde bastard?" Shinsou asked glancing over at Katsuki who was awfully quiet considering he just got dissed.

"Yes. I'm sure."

"Polygamy..." Katsuki said quietly.

"What did you say Kat?" You asked, nothing having heard the blonde very clearly.

"We could have a polyamorous relationship... I heard shitty Deku talking about it the other day... if..." he paused.

He looked so venerable... and soft it made your heart flutter.

"If you want to date us both then I'm willing to try it." He then finished.

"Oh? That's rare for you to be so compliant Bakugou." Shinsou said giving him a small smirk.

"Shut up, fuckin' insomniac, this is for her not you." Katsuki growled and you gave him a soft smile.

"I think I want to try it, but are you both okay with it?" You asked looking at Shinsou curiously, he just ruffled your hair.

"Of course kitten, if this blonde idiot can do it then so can I. Just think of it as getting double the love." Shinsou said giving you a lazy smile.

You heard Katsuki mumble "fuck you" to Shinsou but the purple haired male didn't make a remark.

"I'll work hard too, I'll make sure neither of you are unsatisfied!" You said giving their hands a squeeze.

Both Shinsou and Katsuki looked at you slightly surprised, light blush dusting their cheeks at the way you said it, it was so innocent and pure.

Just like you.

You were so innocent, sometimes you even forgot, the way your clothes always hugged your curves or showed just the right amount of cleavage was criminal both Katsuki and Shinsou went feral at the idea of destroying that pure innocence.

As vulgar as it sounded, they wanted to see how much you could take... they wanted to see you covered in cum and sweat, they wanted to see the way your legs trembled as you came for them.

"Careful princess, don't make such big promises." Katsuki immediately said, pulling you close for a kiss, nibbling at your bottom lip, almost making you moan.

"No fair kitten I want a kiss too~" Shinsou teased. Katsuki broke the kiss and Shinsou immediately caught your lips between his.

Your body felt tingly from the kisses, they were both so... soft, but Katsuki had more urgency in his kisses.

"Look at how flustered you are kitten~ are you getting turned on?~" Shinsou cooed against your skin, Katsuki had no hesitation in rubbing his hands along your curves, hands touching your hips and the curve of your ass.

"N-no... I'm not." You whined quietly, Shinsou cupped your cheek, sliding his thumb along your bottom lip, instinctively you parted your lips.

"Fuck princess~" Katsuki was now behind you, his hands trailing along your curves before moving up to cup your breasts.

"What a lewd body you have, you know how fuckin' hard it is to restrain myself from fucking you~" Katsuki growled into your ear making your shiver, your lips parting a bit more, your thighs squeezing together.

"Now now Katsuki, if you fuck her here, we might not be able to fully enjoy her later, I want to unwrap her like a present~" Shinsou teased sliding his thumb into your mouth, rubbing your tongue with the pad of his thumb, indigo hues staring deep into your eyes.

"You're right for once, what do you say princess~ Do you wanna get fucked silly?~" Katsuki hummed against your ear, pressing himself against you making you whimper against Shinsous thumb.

You gave a slow nod.

"That's a good kitten, we're gonna ravage you until you can't think straight~" Shinsou promised as he pulled his thumb from your mouth running it over your bottom lip, your spit glistening on your bottom lip.

Sweet merciful gods... what did you get yourself into?

-

-

[Did I just tease y'all?

Yeah I did lmao, but but, the wait will be worth it when I do a part two😌

Love y'all 👀❤]

[Also! I'm doing well! Quarantine is driving me wild, i just wanna go out bro XD, but I won't. How have you been tho?? Have you been well? I hope you all are at least keeping safe, washing your hands, taking your meds and staying hydrated. Also if you can please stay inside!!]

#boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha #boku no hero x reader #smut #bnha smut #boku no hero academia smut #my hero academia smut #reader x my hero academia #bakugou katsuki #shinsou hitoshi #hitoshi shinsou #katsuki bakugou #katsuki bakugou x reader x hitoshi shinsou

[kae-karo]

hotwings!!

hi hi hi did u mean one of my favorite ships?????? - send me a bnha character or ship and i’ll give u my thots (x)! check out what i’ve already done (x)

look dabi and hawks have so much potential as a ship like the angst, the drama, there’s just so so much to potentially talk about (i should know i have two unposted 20k dabihawks fics that exist in similar aus of each other and 2 more i wanna write as companions to those, plus a couple lil one-shots, not to mention the entire dabihawks playlist (x) that i keep saying i wanna write a fic for every song)

ahem. anyway.

hawks will always be the one who’s like i have to focus on the mission but [squidward voice] oh god he’s hot while dabi is like the externally cool as a cucumber attempting to be suave guy who’s actually losing his fucking mind on the inside like they’re both a hot mess but they’re also both trying to keep it together like ‘i’m not flirting unless ur flirting in which case i totally am but like only if u are hahaaaaaaa’

i love the idea of them both getting so wrapped up in trying to figure the other out that they forget what exactly they’re supposed to be doing in the league like between dabi feeling obligated to make hawks prove he’s as evil as he claims and hawks trying to dig into dabi’s past they both forget that like. they’ve got like real actual things to be doing outside of obsessing over each other????

okay not to be serious on main but they also both were like. so immensely failed on the affection front in their current lives. like at best dabi had his siblings to hang out with growing up and his mom probably tried (oh yeah i fully subscribe to the dabi=touya ““theory”” - is it a theory if its true? - sorry if that wasn’t obvious by now lmao) and hawks was taken as a child to train at the commission and u bet ur ass they weren’t big on hugs there

so you have two touch-starved idiots who somehow perform intricate rituals that allow them to touch each other u know the meme i’m talking about lmao. the point being that they’re both dumb and constantly making excuses to brush against each other or sit next to each other or *ahem* dabi’s arm around hawks’ shoulder???? and they’re also both so deep in denial that the other might. actually like them cause god if that happened,,,,,,,,,the tragedy. the star-crossed lover drama of it all

uh yeah but give me ch 191 again where horikoshi isn’t a coward and we get a sexual-tension-filled meeting with hawks agitated and threatening dabi and dabi’s playing it way too cool and it ends with them nose to nose, hawks’ feather blade at dabi’s throat and dabi just grinning like a madman and oh. oh. oh. they both have that moment of ‘fuck fuck fuck fuck no i can’t be like. actually. falling for him’ 

and then we get the kiss horikoshi deprived us of (cause we all know that’s what should’ve happened - side note can u tell i’m a sucker for the ‘sexually-tense fighting that leads to a makeout session’ trope?????)

after that they start hooking up and hawks u know is like hurr durr gotta keep a professional appearance but he’s also like so fucking weak for dabi like dabi texts him that he’s bored? hawks suddenly finds an excuse to be over at the league hideout. total coincidence tho, total coincidence

dabi is a desperate lil hoe for hawks’ attention but he tries to hide it behind his whole ‘i don’t care about anything’ facade even when they’re together????? until he snaps over smth - an endeavor thing, a shouto/family thing, a league thing, doesn’t really matter but he fuckin snaps and hawks lets him take it out on him bc he knew there had to be more depth to dabi and y’know ya boi has a lot of trauma to work through and if dabi was taught that fighting was a coping mechanism then sure hawks will fight (bc he knows he’ll win i’m sorry but hawks is op at this point ya boi trained hard to have such a badass quirk)

and the one (1) time dabi actually manages to singe him with a bit of fire, he completely loses it, like genuine breakdown. he never wanted to hurt hawks. never wanted to hurt anyone. but he did, and he kept hurting people and he couldn’t stop bc it felt like something and something was better than nothing and how the fuck did he get here and hawks listens through the whole thing and just holds him and lets him talk and get it all out and ahem i may also be a sucker for the ‘villain never really wanted to be a villain but it felt like the only choice until the hero shows them they can still be good’ trope

#bnha #dabihawks #hotwings #dabi #hawks #ship thots #i really should get around to posting those other dabihawks fics #probably need another edit #but i gotta finish the unlost xmas 'chapter' first lmao #i keep procrastinating rip #anon #ask #kt

[okaybutlikeimagine]

What if Joyce and her kids and Hop and his (including Max if you want cus I can’t get enough how you write her and Billy’s relationship) all went on a road trip together?!

(okay i know i have other asks before this that i need to respond to but) I LOVE THIS SO MUCH AND I’M!!!! CRYIN!! (also thanks so much for the lovely compliment ohmydear♥i love writing them too it’s so fun)

Okay so i read this and i was like: ohman they’d have to take 2 cars or something bc there’s Joyce + Will and Jonathan and then Hop + El and Billy and then Max?? That’s 7 of them! But tHEN

IMAGINE THEM ALL IN A VW BUS!!!

Joyce is a hippie in my headcanon bc I love that shit and she could show the boys hippie music and help them through life w/ it and so anyway I’d like to think she’s aLWAYS wanted a VW bus. they’re just… cute as hell and so damn cool and she could decorate the inside w/ cute curtains and i just love that so much. so now imagine Billy and Jonathan knowing she’s always wanted one and Jonathan never having seen one but Billy having seen them everywhere in Cali and knowing exactly what Joyce is talking about and they both save up a SHIT. TON. of money (bc i dunno how expensive they were back then but they’re pretty cool cars that a lot of people wanted and they’re big, so) and Will and El even help out by mowing lawns for people or picking up a paper route (Jonathan doesn’t like the idea of them working but they insist) and they buy a used 1968 Kombi VW bus and Billy fixes it up a bit and it’s a faded light blue color and it’s definitely not pristine, it definitely looks a little loved, but it’s perfect and they all help fix up the interior and it’s??? The most beautiful thing. And they give it to her for her birthday or Christmas or something and Joyce cries an absolute RIVER and would hug them all for hours if Hop hadn’t torn her away to let them breathe

So anyway, when Billy and Jonathan graduate from high school in 1986 (i don’t wanna do all the math on when Billy’s birthday would have to be and when school cut offs are but Jonathan and Billy were both born in ‘67 sooooo) Joyce wants to go on a road trip w/ everyone!!!!! Bc how exciting!! and really it’s Joyce’s idea bc Jim doesn’t really like dealing w/ lots of people in one place but Joyce knows all the kids love Disney movies and she’s also always wanted to go to Disney World so they go! And they bring Max along bc El begs and pleads and Billy thinks it’d be good for her to get out of the house and Joyce 100% agrees bc even though Neil hasn’t done anything, the energy is negative and that shit affects a kid, y’know?? Plus they all love Max and would so adopt her if they could so she’s able to convince her mom and she goes w/ them and! just!

Imagine them all packed into a big VW bus w/ little floral curtains and funky retro seat covers, on the road at 7:30am and Joyce agreeing to drive the first few hours bc Hop is useless in the morning and conks out immediately once they get in. El and Will do too, El on Max’s shoulder and Will on Jonathan’s as Jonathan and Billy and Max start arguing for like, a good half hour about what music they should listen to on the trip down until there’s a lull in the fight and Joyce says she only brought her tapes of 60s and 70s music. so they all get educated on good hippie music.

and Billy and Max love each other, they do. they had a bumpy relationship when Billy was living at home before but they’re a lot closer now and they’ve been siblings for years now. but they’re just both such fiery personalities that they bicker more than half the time down. It’s a 16 hour drive (maybe even more??? If there are more roads now than in 1986) so it takes them 2 days and they’re so bratty towards each other.

So  they’re all trying to explain what Disney World is to El who is still rather confused.

“We’re going to…. Another world?”

“What’s a… roller… coaster?”

“You mean Mickey Mouse is real??”

And that one makes Max giggle and shake her head. 

“It’s like… Santa. People dress up as him and other characters and you can take pictures and stuff.” she gives a dangerous smirk then, turning around to look at Billy. “Billy’s afraid of them.”

“I am not.” He growls, kicking at her seat but trying not to kick too hard bc they worked too hard to get this van looking nice.

“You totally used to cry at anyone in a costume. We barely got to go trick or treating that one year because you were so freaked out.”

“Because our asshole neighbor was dressed as Jason and chased me down the fucking street!”

“Language!” Hop yells at the same time as Jonathan snorts. Billy reaches over Will to pinch Jonathan hard.

“Is that why you were shaking when we saw Mickey Mouse that one time?”

“That was on the Walk of Fame. Everyone is afraid of those guys because they’re all a bunch of coke addicts!”

“Coke… addicts?” El asks and everyone pauses, Jonathan letting out another snort.

“Like Coke and Pepsi?” El asks, and everyone immediately agrees while Jonathan laughs a bit.

“Yeah! Coke and Pepsi!” Joyce agrees, while Hop turns and gives them a harsh look to stop this conversation.

Joyce asks what character El is most excited to see. Joyce says that she herself hopes that they have Winnie the Pooh bc he’s her absolute favorite.

“I like Alice.” she says with a smile. It had kind of scared El when she first saw it, but she thought the colors were cool and Alice is just as curious as El is.

“I hope they have Peter Pan.” Max says a little dreamily.

“You just like him because he’s a ginger like you.” Billy snarks, to which Max sends him a harsh look.

“You like him too! We used to watch that movie all the time when we were little.”

And she’s right, they did. It makes him smile. Maybe there’s some psychological reason- the idea of a cute boy coming by to take him away from his terrible life and whisk him away to a magical world is pretty fucking nice -but he’s not about to overanalyze himself. And if anyone were to ask what he’s most excited for, he definitely wouldn’t admit that it’s Peter Pan.

“I like Peter Pan too.” Will admits, to which Max turns to look at him.

“Isn’t he cute?”

Will nods with a slight blush.

“Who’s Peter Pan?”

Max is distraught at El’s question.

“You haven’t seen Peter Pan???” She turns to Jonathan. “What are you guys doing depriving her of Peter Pan?”

“She’s with you more often than us!” Billy is indignant. “What have you been doing, not showing her Peter Pan?”

Max sticks her tongue out. Jonathan says he’s looking forward to Tomorrow Land and all of the parade floats. When Billy is asked, he mumbles something about wanting to ride all the big rides like Space Mountain and Thunder Mountain.

“What about you, Dad?” El asks happily.

“I’m just excited for the food.” Hopper grunts.

So yes, lots of bickering with the occasional break to listen to whatever song is playing. And you fuckin bet they bicker over where to stop to eat, too, until Hop decides for them all. 

And i was trying to look up different, more obscure theme parks or attractions for them to go to but I just… couldn’t get over the idea of all of them getting matching Mickey Mouse ears. bc just… think about it. Think about a picture of all of them gathered in front of the castle wearing their Mickey Mouse hats, Hop and Joyce w/ an arm around the other, Joyce leaning up against Hop, El and Will smiling the biggest and cheesiest smiles with El’s arm around Will’s shoulder, Jonathan giving a little shy smile bc he feels pretty dumb, Max getting the biggest kick out of Billy freaking out over ruining his hair but giving him an expectant look until he puts the hat on, Billy yanking a strand of her hair out right before the photo is taken and Max shrieking so they have to take another one and when they do Billy rests his arm on Max’s head and max is stepping on Billy’s foot but they chuckle about it afterwards, giving irritated looks that break into smiles.

And i just?????? Jonathan buys Nancy a little bracelet with a Minnie Mouse charm on it and a stuffed version of Piglet from Winnie the Pooh and Billy gets Steve a little stuffed Bambi and a shirt that says “Princess” in big letters and gets himself a matching one that says “Prince Charming”. Steve pretends to be less than impressed but he blushes when Billy mumbles something about how he couldn’t stop looking at the castle and thinking of his princess back home and i just??? I have so many ideas about this Hopper Family Vacation to Disney World AUGH i love this.

(and if you want their Road Trip Playlist just ask me bc i just?? imagine their little van driving back up to Indiana on a calm road through a little patch of tall trees while Harvest Moon plays and its golden hour and Jim is driving and Joyce has her head leaning back against the seat, humming along and the sun is making it look like she’s glowing and Jim is a little worried about swerving bc he just wants to look at her. And Billy is leaning back in his seat all the way in the back, arm out the open window next to him as he waves it around in the soft air. Will and Jonathan are asleep on each other next to him and Max turns around from where she’s sitting in front of Billy to ask him something and sees her brother looking so damn calm. Just so serene and happy, a content smile on his face and golden sun hitting his blond hair gracefully as he blinks slowly. And she can’t think of what she was going to say bc it feels surreal to have this kind of moment w/ a family that feels so oddly whole. And Billy notices her staring and turns to her and she just sticks her tongue out and makes a funny face. Billy swipes gently at the air in front of her a few times w/ his left hand, chuckling a bit. She tries to kick him but she can’t reach and he just huffs a big, sharp breath in her face and she reaches to smack him as they both start giggling. then a soft click comes from their left and they see El has taken a picture of them on her little disposable camera she got on the way there and Max turns back around to talk to El and ask about how many pictures she thinks she’s taken and Billy turns back to look out the window, watching farms pass by in a haze, colored by the soft orange light of the sun, as he hugs the little Bambi plushie he bought for Steve and thinks about how comfortable happiness feels.)

#billy hargrove #chief jim hopper #eleven #el hopper #jane hopper #joyce byers #jonathan byers #will byers #max mayfield #steve harrington #harringrove #stranger things #bratty billy #bratty max #billy hopper #billy gets adopted #hopper is a dad #an Uncomfortable one as he walks around disney world #fluff #i LOVED THIS #thank you for this #cuz i'm cryin over here now #♥!!! #i love you guys so much and i love this AUGH #ask #anonymous

[mc-dude]

i need help i'm so tempted to write a fantasy halbarry au with a cute cleric barry and his lantern knight but i'm really insecure about how to write barry's personality and inner monologue pls help ur the Premier Barry Authority and i trust u implicitly

i get a lot of these kinds of msgs (FOR SOME REASON??? IM FLATTERED) and im really shit at responding to all of them so ill try to fit my Thoughts in here

first and foremost, if you are unsure about a character’s personality type or inner thoughts– read comics! seriously the first thing i do before i write anything is binge read as much content as humanly possible (comics, wikis, etc). readcomicsonline.to is a good resource for broke people (usually i read on there first, and then buy a physical copy later if i think its worth it) and that’s how i read most of barry’s comics.

secondly– THIS AU IS SUPER CUTE.. reminds me and @spector’s extensive dragon age au where barry is a circle mage (who is a spirit healer being helped by the spirit of Hope) and hal is a templar who gets infected by the arch dragon Parallax…… sighs wistfully… i still need to write that one day.. i got like 12 pages of small elf barry in my gdoc somewhere.. MAYBE ONE DAY………….. anyways

thirdly– i can’t really tell you what exactly barry will be thinking about, since it’s an AU, but i can tell you.. i guess what he’s like? like….

barry is always thinking of other people before himself. if there’s something wrong with hal, you bet barry will be thinking about how to make hal better before he even considers his own problems. he will go out of his way to accommodate other people and make them feel comfortable and safe at great personal disregard because barry is a Protector first and everything else second. you could say that this stems from him “failing” to protect his mom as a kid but honestly barry has always been this way since way before geoff Edgified his origin story. i’m assuming since barry is a healer in this AU he would be going out of his way to cast little spells n such to make hal feel Good. barry feels good when other people feel good, that’s just how he is. it’s one of his most defining characteristics, to the point of it being one of his flaws.

i guess another one of barry’s traits is that he doesn’t really do mean-spirited humor. he’ll poke fun at people, sure, but he isn’t like, super sarcastic in a mean way. compare his brand of humor to someone, say.. ollie? they’re kinda opposites. ollie will be like ‘u huge piece of shit haha’ but barry will be like ‘omg ur ridiculous’ kinda thing. idk if that made sense? but there it is. he’s not a mean boy. he’s kind always.. UNLESS.. the people he cares abt are being threatened and then he will get Angry.

barry is also self-conscious for a lot of reasons, mostly stemming from his sudden transformation into a Hunk from a Cutie Patootie & his isolationist childhood. he still sees himself as a sort of scrawny nerd and forgets sometimes that he’s Swol. people hitting on him? goes right over his fuckin head. he has no idea when people are flirting at him and when he does realise it (after it’s made painfully obvious) he will blush and stutter and generally have no idea what the fuck To Do. likewise when someone actually wants to talk to him he’ll be a little surprised? because he’s so used to people avoiding him. people wanting to be around him is something that a constant pleasant surprise to him, even though he yearns for human contact constantly

he’s also pretty reserved and quiet, always thinks things out thoroughly before speaking. this stems from his isolated childhood where any wrong thing said would be held against him and used as bullying fodder. he was avoided by most kids and left to his own devices, so he developed as a pretty introverted dude. i don’t think by nature? just sort of out of necessity. i think the right person (cough… hal…) could bring out his extroverted side and really get him talkin n laughing a lot but he just sort of naturally reverts to isolation mode because that’s just how he grew up. the fact that he takes a lot of time before saying anything (something expedited by his speed) gives him a reputation as a very thoughtful person, which i think is indisputably accurate. your birthday coming up? you fuckin bet barry is THERE, 800 balloons and a home-made cake in hand.

i guess maybe the last major thing is that barry loves giving & receiving affection. it’s something that he had a lot of as a kid but throughout most of his adolescent years was essentially deprived of in all forms. he’s sorta desperate for any sort of affectionate contact and even tiny little touches, like an arm thrown around his shoulders, someone squeezing his arm or a pat on the back are SO important to him. he cherishes every little touch, which is good because hal is a VERY touchy dude. barry will often just be Struck by how warm a person’s hand is or how nice it is to have someone to lean against or just.. very small things that a lot of people take for granted, but barry had to live without for years and years

i guess that about sums it up. let me know if you have any other questions

#Anonymous #barry allen #meta #i guess? #~cw ppl dont interact~ uwu

[passengersvoice]

The kin quandry

So I am going to ramble to myself some more, in the time-honored tradition of this blog. I am like 95% at this point that I identify AS Dexter, and not just identify WITH him. In this post I lay out my issues with this and compare it directly to my wolfkin side that I have known about am have been comfortable with for many years.

My wolf side:

I am not a specific wolf that lived and died- my wolf side is alive now and is with me. I have zero reason to believe I was a wolf in a past life (or even that past lives are a real thing). My wolf side is just a facet of me and so has grown up with me all my life, experiencing the world in tandem with my human side. I’ve been aware that I’m a wolf for... 19 years-ish? That is a lot of time to go through all the growing pains of discovering a kintype and ultimately becoming intimately comfortable with it. This part of my identity I have zero issues with. I understand myself and like myself. Why I am wolfkin, I don’t know. I have some mixed theories on how this wolf self came to be, but ultimately no one theory satisfies all my questions. Dreams were an early way my subconscious told me I am a wolf, in addition to frequent shifts.

I used to shift a lot as a kid but now it is rare. When I would shift, the wolf side would become more dominant and I would be subject to the wolf’s instincts and whims. My noisy brain would become quiet and I would focus more on what’s around me and ignore the deeper thoughts in my head. Nowadays, my shifts are associated with imbalance- I shift more when I try to actively quell my wolf side, or if I’m intoxicated. Since I am pretty chill with the wolf side of myself, there’s no reason to fight against my wolf side, so I don’t unexpectedly shift that much anymore.

I have no wolf “memories” to recall that I know of- meditation sessions have yielded some visions (mixed bag of first person and third person, ranging from one second to a whole afternoon) but I’d never previously considered them to be actual events that happened- I always assumed it was created in my head. When presented with the theory of reincarnation as it relates to kin, I become less sure that these visions are merely products of my imagination. I’m willing to entertain the theory that these are memories, but I am extremely reluctant to commit to the idea just yet.

Wolf is an important part of my identity but ultimately it affects very little in my day-to-day life. An outsider not privy to my innermost thoughts would have no idea that I am wolfkin. I am happiest when I fully embrace the fact that I am both human and wolf. Furry fandom has been an wonderful place to safely express my wolf side- nobody thinks anything of when I emote as a wolf in text or wear a tail to conventions. I’m able to be honest about who and what I am while still being stealth kin.

Dexter:

I am currently stuck pondering whether I identify WITH Dexter Morgan or if I identify AS him. Huge difference between the two. I have had many strange dreams that basically flash a neon sign at me saying “YOU ARE LIKE DEXTER” spread out over the span of three years. I’ve had a couple strong sense memories associated with this kintype that I have a very hard time explaining away. I’ve meditated short visions that some could call “memories” but again I am extremely reluctant to describe them that way.

I have had a few shifts both involuntary and voluntary where I felt like Dexter- these felt similar but different to wolf shifts. Both kintypes are apex predators for instance, and that comes out strongly in the shifts. The Dexter shifts do have variations that are unique to Dexter. I only have body dysmorphia some of the time- I don’t want to be male, it holds no appeal to me, but I often wish I could basically look like a boy while still being female, or just look like a werewolf monster instead of a human. When I was a kid I thought I should grow up to be a tall thin male shape for some reason instead of a tiny chubby woman, which is a pretty strange expectation. 

I feel like if I AM Dexter fictionkin, I am not “THE” Dexter, as he is still a fictional character and I don’t subscribe to the multiverse + reincarnation theory popularized through the fictionkin fandom. All fictionkin resources are colored through this lens so it becomes difficult for me to accept the entire concept of fictionkin since few people think the way I do. If I don’t accept the common definition of fictionkin then I don’t know what fictionkin even IS, so how can I admit to being one? I have been highly distressed going back and forth in circular arguments in my head- am I? am I not?

The one constant is that in SOME way or another, this character means a LOT to me. What that means exactly, I still have not a clue. :/

PROS for claiming Dexter as an ID:

º Finally settle this shitmess in my head and just chill, accept it

º More confidence (I’m fuckin’ dangerous, fite me)

º Acceptance of the more unsavory aspects of my personality and an online kinmunity that will accept me too

º Motivation to continue with my attempts to learn kin-related skills and get in shape

CONS for claiming Dexter as an ID:

ª Get sucked more into my own head and possibly get lost on the tides of fantasy and fallacy, descend slowly into complete madness

ª Giving my unsavory urges attention, which could make them stronger??

ª Have to awkwardly tell my S.O. about all these feelings I’m having

ª Having a really cringeworthy secret that very few outsiders are going to be able to accept

OTHER MISCELLANY CAVEATS:

ª Memories are incredibly easy to implant in people (is it just children? I honeslty am not sure of the science of it but this has been documented to happen in kids, I can cite sources if anyone reading this is interested in the subject)... I am SUPER skeptical of my kin “memories” and want to protect myself against destroying my mind with falsehoods.

ª I am incredibly empathic (the irony of which is not lost on me, having a psychopathic kintype...) but anyway when I was a kid, I would get so sucked into movies that I would often shift into the main character of whatever movie I just saw and would spend a few hours as that character. This feels like maybe an extension of this? I could simply be very emotionally invested in this character without literally BEING him?

ª If I don’t believe in the multiverse + reincarnation theory, then HOW exactly am I Dexter? What explanation is there for identifying as a fictional character? I don’t even have a rough theory about this, and that bothers me. When I say it like that to myself, it sounds fake.

How I feel when I think about dressing as my kintype and learning his skills: Excited, jittery, happy, confident but a little self-conscious because I don’t want others around me to figure out what is going on. Very very concerned with what others think, especially my S.O.

How I feel when I try to ignore my kintype: The subject never truly leaves my head and will come back eventually. I feel squirmy and anxious as I’m undecided on my identity. I wish it would just end so I could be out of this anxiety hell. I can manage a few months without thinking about it but it always comes back, especially when I go read or watch the source material again. I could just never watch the show or read the books again, but why deprive myself of something I love?

Typing all this out helps I think... Identity is fluid anyway, I mean if Dexter ends up not fitting my ID later down the line that’s okay?? I guess my S.O. probably already knows my mind is a weird and wacky place, he’s stuck around this long. :S I think... I will tell him what’s going on with me before the month is out. And I am leaning towards just fully embracing all sides of this ID and just seeing where it goes (hopefully not with me killing people HAHAHAHA).

If you read all this, I owe you a beer (or a cocoa if you’re a kid) ;P

#fictionkin #shut up dex #navel gazing