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caligvlasaqvarivm · 27 days

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Love is Stored in the Cat: A Nepeta Leijon Character Study

I guess these are a series now! I also have a request for Feferi in my inbox that I'll get around to eventually.

SO! Dear, sweet Nepeta.

Nepeta is the troll that is most against the existence of the hemocaste.

I believe the Ultimate Self speech was originally going to be from her, not Davepetasprite^2.

She's bad at shipping.

These all make her extremely impurrtant!!!

So furst of all, I'm going to start with the same disclaimer as my Eridan essay (go read that first!!! It sets up a lot of ideas that I'm expanding on here), which is that the things Hussie says are going to be lowered in value, because he likes to play coy about plot stuff. I'm also not counting anything but the actual text as canon, and even with in that text, I'm counting everything after GAME OVER as soft canon - a suggestion of what would have been, often truncated for time, often a deliberate middle finger to the shitty fandom.

Okay, so with that squared away!

Nepeta Says Fuck The Hemocaste

I'm not going to bother doing a deep dive on Nepeta's characterization, because fur the most part, I think the fandom more or less gets her right - she wears her heart (h33h33) on her sl33ve, after all! She's a very sweet little catgirl who loves roleplay and shipping, who is also a vicious hunter of wild beasts and lives in a cave. She's very nice and friendly, but has a tough streak and a spine.

She also says fuck the hemocaste, why does that even exist:

CT: D --> Your fraternization with the base classes have 100sened your morals, can't you see this AC: :33 < no! i dont care, they are fun AC: :33 < and i dont know anything about classes or bases or blood color, it doesn't matter! AC: :33 < what does gr33n blood even mean! it doesnt mean anything to me and it shouldnt mean anything to anyone else!

This is a radical stance not outright shared by any of the other trolls. Aradia calls highbloods "hateful sn0bs" that she and Tavros shouldn't have "ever had anything t0 d0 with", the highbloods are, of course, all casteist to varying degrees, and even Karkat seems fairly accepting of the class divide, at one point taunting Vriska that her rejection from the blue team is "ANOTHER INFURIATING VICTORY FOR GUTTER BLOOD OVER ARISTOCRACY". Not to mention his long-held dream of becoming a threshecutioner.

Even Feferi, despite saying to Eridan that "W-E AR-E NOT B-ETT-ER T)(AN ANYBODY!!!!!", is actually perfectly comfortable with the caste system's existence, comparing having to stop using her royal typing quirk to "peasant-IFICATING" herself - and let's not forget that a Beforus under her rule had its caste system 100% intact.

This means that Nepeta is the ONLY troll who has said, in no uncertain terms, that the caste system should not exist. It's stupid, it's bad, and it doesn't meowtter!

AND SHE'S RIGHT.

But she's never able to fully express this opinion, which brings us to:

A COMPLICKATED RELATIONSHIP WITH EQUIUS

Now, before I say anything, I must insist that I do believe these two work as good moirails. That does not, however, stop them from being 13, and therefore, being poor to each other the way 13-year-olds sometimes are. I don't think they should break up; I think they should re-examine certain dynamics, and I think they need some space to breathe apart from each other.

Equius has a lot of problems, which I won't get into overmuch here, because... that's a whole essay on its own (are you people seeing a trend yet). But with regards to Nepeta specifically, he's extremely controlling and protective, to the point where she's a little scared of him before the game begins:

AC: :33 < well it does sound like it will be a lot of fun but i think i should get purrmission first GC: BL4R!!!!! GC: TH4TS SO STUP1D GC: H3S NOT TH3 BOSS OF YOU AC: :33 < i know! AC: :33 < but still im kind of scared of him and i think purrhaps its best to just run it by him first so there isnt a kerfuffle about it or anything

She's also afraid to tell him about her crush on Karkat, since she knows he doesn't like Karkat:

AC: :33 < well AC: :33 < i have never told anybody this not even my moirail AC: :33 < heh, actually hes the LAST guy i might tell, he so wouldnt appurrve X33 AC: :33 < but yes i have liked somebody for quite some time, but alas he doesnt know it

By the time they end their game, she's gotten over this fear, seeing as she spends many hours curled up with Equius in a pile of robotics parts, but it still must be noted that they have some issues in their relationship that were never resolved, primarily on Equius's end. What this means for Nepeta, however, is that in addition to setting her up as the most outright anti-classism troll, the comic sets her up to be socially isolated due to her moirail's paranoia about letting her associate with both lowbloods (seeing them as bad influences) OR other highbloods, seeing them as dangerous.

He's not entirely wrong - his refusal to allow her to participate in FLARP kept her from winding up entangled in the horrible chain of revenge, as Tavros alludes:

AT: iT'S PROBABLY FOR THE BEST, AT: tHAT YOU LISTEN TO HIM, AC: :33 < i dont know AC: :33 < you think so? AT: wELL, AT: iF YOU DIDN'T LISTEN TO HIM BEFORE, AT: yOU MIGHT HAVE PLAYED GAMES WITH US BEFORE, AT: aND SOMETHING BAD MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU, AC: :33 < hmm purrhaps

But he's still wrong. And it's probably an uncontrolled manifestation of his Heir of Void abilities - he's both consciously and unconsciously hiding her from other people.

This isn't to say she doesn't stand up for herself! Many of her discussions with Equius are pseudo-arguments, and she does get her way often enough, managing to get him to roleplay with her, and managing to get him back in the roboti% pile to talk about his feelings about Aradia. She also talks to the humans explicitly against Equius's orders, although she's keeping it a sneakret from him:

NEPETA: :33 < but equius already furbid me from doing that :(( NEPETA: :33 < not that i am listening to him, but shhhhh! :33 KARKAT: WAIT, HE DID? KARKAT: OK, THEN AS YOUR LEADER I ORDER YOU TO RP WITH THEM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. BE AS OBNOXIOUS ABOUT IT AS YOU CAN. NEPETA: :33 < yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

But the fact that she has to tiptoe around him like this speaks to them having issues in their relationship that go unexamined and unresolved, especially since it's clear that Nepeta really would like to be friends with more people, were Equius not getting in her way. So, even though I do think they are good moirails for each other - they clearly genuinely, deeply care about one another. But they could use some relationship counselling.

In fact, Jasprosesprite^2 outright calls her lonely:

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Or the girl who likes ships! Cause they made her less lonely. ;3

So, she's anti-hemocaste and lonely, two character traits that were set up and never resolved. And beclaws this is Nepeta, in her honor, I'm going to talk about a third:

Her Unrequited Crush On Karcat

She has the BIGGEST flushed crush on Karkat. It's seen on her shipping wall twice, once with the word OTP on it.

And, despite never discussing it with her moirail, Nepeta mentions it once to Jaspersprite, and once to Jasprosesprite^2.

Now, I'm not really here to debate on the validity of KatNep - I think it's fine, even if I don't personally ship it, and don't personally think it would work out (there are lots of indications that they wouldn't work out, including Jasprosesprite^2 outright saying so). However, her crush on Karkat is both complicated and creates some interesting setups for her character. I am going to discuss it fairly critically either way, so KatNep shippers have been warned.

A lot of her feelings about Karkat - and about shipping in general - wind up being heavily interlinked with her status as a Hero of Heart, so I'm going to expand on it more there. But what I will note in this section is the fact that, despite Nepeta insisting twice that she doesn't think Karkat knows about her crush on her:

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < it was karkat NEPETASPRITE: :33 < but i never told him and im pretty sure he never found out how i felt!

He tooootally did:

KARKAT: OK, BUT TO BE FAIR, I'M PRETTY SURE SHE'S STILL OBSESSED WITH ME. KARKAT: IT'S A VERY UNFORTUNATE, VERY RED AND VERY UNREQUITED SITUATION I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TIPTOE AROUND FOR A LONG TIME, OK?

Interpret that how you will for shipping purposes, but I want to propose that this is a reflection of their statuses as Heart and Blood players. Heart, despite its players' obsessions with romance, is not the romance aspect, Blood is. Karkat displays this very same romantic acumen when he tells Dave that he's known Terezi and Gamzee were a thing for a long time, despite everyone else on the meteor trying to keep it a secret from him. Heart is, instead, about identity, feelings, motivations, souls, and self. In other words:

Nepeta Is Kind Of Bad At Shipping

Let's take a look at those shipping walls.

Let's break this down a little. Nepeta's ships are not entirely wrong, but even the successful ones are kind of wrong. Here's what I mean. We've already discussed how Equius and Nepeta's moirallegiance has some... issues in it. If we go down her list of ships that actually do happen, most of them have some issues in them!

Aradia expresses her regret for getting together with Equius in the Ministrife. Kanaya and Rose suffer some major relationship problems when Rose starts drinking, to the point Karkat feels a need to step in as an auspice. Karkat and Gamzee fail, as Karkat is not calmed by Gamzee, and Gamzee stops listening to Karkat. And while Sollux and Feferi seem to be fairly healthy, after they both wind up in the Furthest Ring, he's pretty much always next to Aradia - he and Feferi don't even get to exchange words with each other once they're in the Furthest Ring. Purrsonally, I think he and Feferi are meant to end up as moirails, but shhhh.

So what's happening here? Well, this goes back to her identity as a Heart player. Heart is concerned with feelings and motivations.

They simply want to understand the one thing we all are stuck with for our entire lives, i.e. our own minds. Forging an identity is extremely important to the Heart-bound, and every decision and action goes toward building a coherent narrative of their own story. That isn't to say Heart-bound don't care deeply for their friends and allies; they just have a tendency to assume that everyone is as concerned with identity as they are.

Nepeta's shipping has also been associated with her isolation and loneliness. When you put this together, it implies that Nepeta's shipping is about her desire to understand others, and much of her ships are based on one of the parties having feelings, regardless of compatibility, feasibility, or broader implications. After all, despite the fact that she has pretty terrible romantic acumen, she IS able to instinctively identify that Eridan's advances toward her were insincere:

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < well ok i guess eridan hit on me a few times NEPETASPRITE: :33 < but his advances always struck me as cr33py and insincere

And that Karkat secretly LOVES and RESPECTS his friends:

JASPROSESPRITE^2: On the contrary Nepeta. You deserve someone who will RESPECT and ADORE you. NEPETASPRITE: :33 < well... yes NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i always hoped to find someone like that some day NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i dunno maybe youre right but in spite of whatever problems he might have i always felt like i saw something in him that made me think he could be that purrson!

Or knowing that Equius loves to play games, and still feels sad about Aradia exploding:

AC: :33 < i s33 right through your stupid act, who are you trying to kid! AC: :33 < look how you go out of your way to use words that have x's in them so that you can use your silly purrcent signs AC: :33 < or use these absurd words that you can shoehorn a '100' into, even if its not strictly replacing 'loo'!!! AC: :33 < you are so transpurrent AC: :33 < i can tell you like to play games, d33p down you are a guy who likes to play games! AC: :33 < i can smell a guy who likes to play games from so fur away with this nose, you have no idea X33

NEPETA: :33 < she was so happy, just like she used to be, and she said she would s33 you soon! EQUIUS: D --> That's a nice thought, and thank you for sharing it EQUIUS: D --> But it was only a dream, and will surely have no consequence in reality NEPETA: :33 < equius? NEPETA: :33 < are those f33lings i an detecting with my wiggly whiskery nose? EQUIUS: D --> Maybe

Because feelings, and not relationships, are her actual domain.

And speaking of Heart powers...

Nepeta and the Ultimate Self

So from this point forward, I'm going to assume you're more or less agreeing with my take that at some point after Game Over, Hussie - for whatever reason - gave up on his original ending, and wound up truncating his ideas so he could finish the comic faster. I go more into detail about that here.

So, in this hypothetical original ending, I firmly believe that the speech about the Ultimate Self would have come from Nepeta. First, let's take a look at what the "Ultimate Self" entails, as it appears within the comic:

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < everything that ever happens to every version of you is an important part of your ultimate self... like a superceding bodyless and timeless persona that crosses the boundaries of paradox space and unlike god tiers or bubble ghosts or whatever, it really IS immortal DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but in your physical form there are all these partitions in your mind that prevent you from remembering any of that which makes your existence f33l totally linear DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < which is probably for the best! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < in a regular body s33ing all that would be too overwhelming ... DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and after it sinks in for a while you start coming to this understanding of a greater self DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < maybe i "got it" quicker though because of the two people i was and their aspects DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < understanding heart is all about the nuances of a distributed self DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < nepeta never got to make much headway with her aspect but shes finally gettin the chance DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < the time aspect is all about running into different versions of yourself so you kinda get confronted with it in a really literal way that can be disturbing DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < obviously davesprite stuggled with that too, but now its fine DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hes fr33 from worrying about it all and what it means for his place in reality DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < because he can s33 now all his selves have relevance in painting the full picture of who he truly is DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im not COMPLETELY sure because im not like some sort of ASPECT MASTER but DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < my avian slash feline intuition tells me that all roads will lead you here eventually DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < gaining the d33pest possible understanding of any aspect will bring you to the same final conclusion about your ultimate self

Now, I believe - and I hope you'll agree - that it's kind of lame, narratively, for Davesprite to have been set up with so much angst about not being the "real Dave," and for Nepeta to have all her issues with loneliness and shyness, and for these two specific iterations of each other to have never interacted, but suddenly getting double-prototyped fixes all of their problems, and they achieve Ultimate Selfhood despite being two total strangers to each other. So let's instead break down the more salient points about what Ultimate Selfhood entails, divorced from the fact that it's Davepetasprite^2 doing the narrating:

Every player in the game possesses an "Ultimate Self," an ultimate culmination of all their experiences and memories, specifically referred to as a "persona"

Normally, people are not aware of this, because it would be too overwhelming to deal with so many memories and iterations of each other.

Everyone will achieve Ultimate Selfhood eventually as the final culmination of their understanding of their aspect.

Heart is all about the nuances of a distributed self.

Let's talk about that last one some more, and by that I mean, let's see what Calliope has to say about it:

TT: I don't know why it had to be this way for me. Juggling these two waking selves at once. TT: I guess I'm used to it, but it still makes for a pretty intense existence. TT: Do you even know what the deal with that is? Like is there any precedent in your readings? UU: i don't know aboUt precedent, bUt it makes plenty of sense to me as the type of path one might expect for a hero of heart. UU: a path rUled by the heart aspect can be a joUrney of splintered self. UU: that is, the player's being may exhibit the same kind of fragmentation which certain classes coUld caUse in others. UU: i think this is what has triggered yoUr dUal-awareness between waking and dream selves, thoUgh it woUld not sUrprise me if the symptoms manifested in even more ways than this.

Now, Dirk has a clawmplicated relationship with his alternate selves, given that he's a Prince, but Nepeta wouldn't have the same struggles, or at least, not to the same degree. The problem is, hampered by Equius and her own shyness about discussing her thoughts and feelings with others:

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i get so shy and worried what people might think of me if i say how i f33l NEPETASPRITE: :33 < im always so scared that they wont f33l the same way or just think im stupid or pathetic or something

She never actually gets to explore this part of herself.

But What If... She Did?

The way I imagine the original ending going is that each troll that gets saved by John's interference in the timeline then asks John to help them fix their own mistakes, thereby saving somebody else. Each successive trip through the meteor brings new character development, and also riddles the comic with progressively more password pages, which I think would be really funny. And throughout all this the Game Over team is searching for Vriska, Meenah, and the treasure, and resolving their arcs that way, so it's not like they would be replaced - they're the ones who get to kill LE. The process, in my mind, goes like this:

Terezi asks John to save Vriska, and prevent her from getting too spades with Gamzee, as these are her two greatest regrets.

Vriska obviously had great regrets about killing Tavros, both pre- and post-retcon, so she asks for his death to be prevented.

Tavros staying alive means that he and Gamzee wind up hashing out some stuff - Gamzee mentions that he feels "So aT ChIlL WiTh yOu" while talking to Tavros, and Tavros reciprocates the friendship and also - interestingly - acknowledges Gamzee's religion, calling it beautiful even if he doesn't necessarily believe in it. This is interesting because Karkat's inability to do so is explicitly one of the reasons their moirallegiance broke down. So having Tavros back, alive, means that he and Gamzee would likely end up in some sort of relationship, probably pale despite flushed leanings, and would bring Gamzee back into the fold.

Gamzee would then be like, yeah, wow, that time I killed Nepeta and Equius was pretty bad, huh? Especially since his decision to hang onto his friends' bodies and prototype them is often interpreted as him genuinely feeling bad about his dead friends (he tells Kurloz to shut up when Kurloz mentions all the dead friends, and his religion seems to be about a paradise he wants to share with his friends anyway). So he'd ask John to prevent him from killing them, resulting in the two of them getting to live.

Things get much more hypothetical from here, since so much of the character dynamics would have changed, but I think by this point, Equius might command ask John to let him say goodbye to Aradiabot before she explodes, which he expresses feeling very sad about. However, in doing so, John and Aradiabot end up in the same room, and when she realizes that he has the ability to change the timeline without repercussions, she'd seize him by the arm and demand that he take her back in time, to before she died. After all, she expresses regrets about her reckless actions, and how she always felt like it was all one big setup.

She would take Aradia's place in the Vriska revenge chain, being once more freed of her robot chassis, and from there, would trick Doc Scratch and the Handmaiden into thinking everything was still going according to their designs. Meanwhile, Alive!Aradia would be hanging out at Equius's place, borrowing his void powers to avoid notice, coordinating a new timeline that keeps the beats of the original (too much deviation causes unpredictability, and an paradox'd timeline offshoot without John's direct interference would still become doomed), but allows them greater freedom and the ability to overcome the machinations of Doc Scratch and associates.

This would also prevent Sollux from becoming so self-loathing, since it's no longer "his fault" that Aradia dies, although he winds up in that hole again after Feferi gets killed. Now that his Aradia is alive, he wouldn't feel like he might as well stay in the bubbles because his closest companions are there, so he'd make it to the end, and would ask John to prevent Feferi's death.

Eridan still dies; he's so disconnected and isolated from all his friends that his course of actions is largely unaffected even by everybody else's timeline tweaks. But before Feferi can suggest bringing him back, Karkat would butt in.

The Friendship Troll should be the one to demand that ALL of their friends be revived, especially if they had everyone except only one guy, and Karkat and Eridan are heavily implied to be moirails anyway. The course of Karkat's fixes are so comprehensive, and primarily romance-based, that the end result of this final loop is everybody not only being alive, but god-tiered, with appropriate character development.

Now, where Nepeta's Heart powers would play into all of this is that she would start to notice something going on. After all, Heart players are sensitive to their splintered selves, and (Nepeta) is probably much closer to Nepeta than regular doomed timeline offshoots. As the loops continue, and Nepeta has more and more time to talk to people, and meets her dead alternate selves, and even meets (Nepeta), she starts to awaken to her Ultimate Self - to come into possession of alternate memories.

And if the Ultimate Self is a very soul-y kind of concept, such that Heart players have a natural advantage in coming to understand it, then isn't it a natural fit that a Rogue of Heart - one who steals from Heart or steals Heart for others - would be naturally inclined to share the wisdom of her alternate selves, and even the very concept of the Ultimate Self, with her friends?

Because the Ultimate Self is actually, in my opinion, a pretty good narrative device. It turns the sadness of the dead and doomed timelines into something littersweet instead, and makes it so any weirdness regarding time travel and not really knowing your friends anymore will eventually be resolved, even if off-screen.

It's not really narratively satisfying when Davepetasprite^2 suddenly comes into being and reaches enlightenment, but imagine if instead it's a post-character development Nepeta comforting Davesprite on his relevance, or Jade on her loneliness, or John on not really knowing these new post-retcon versions of his friends? It would feel a lot better, since in this hypothetical, she would have reached that point after on-screen character development. Being able to share her true self with her friends on the meteor - by necessity, since what else are they going to be doing for three years - leads to her finally being able to fulfill her role as a Rogue of Heart.

Also, at some point during these repeated meteor trips, she dates Karkat (whether that's successful or not, I'll leave to reader interpretation - you already know where I stand), fulfilling Jaspersprite's musing that she might only be able to date Karkat after she dies.

So that's two out of thr33 of her outstanding plot hooks resolved... okay. So, I try not to make these essays into ship propaganda, but hear me out:

Hate Is Stored In The FefNep

Okay, so, remember that thing about how Feferi is actually a huge casteist hypocrite? Well, let's also note that the comic, post-Murderstuck, seems to put Nepeta and Feferi together a lot - they're a Commodore and Rear Admiral in the ghost pirate army, respectively, and they also wind up as Fefetasprite. So I think it's not entirely out of left field to say that these two were implied to have SOMETHING going on.

And that something... is a difference in political views.

I mean, let's be real, there's a reason Fefetasprite is the most explode-prone after Tavrisprite. Miss "The Hemocaste is Stupid and Shouldn't Matter" vs. Miss "I Love Being A Princess And Call Jade Hornless and Finless (Derogatory)"? Come on, tell me you don't see it.

Without getting too much into Feferi, this hypocrisy, and unwillingness to check her privilege (so glad I found an excuse to use that term unironically), are probably her greatest character flaws - ie, the things you would expect the story to address about her. Meanwhile, one of Nepeta's flaws, which she laments to Jasproseprite^2, is that she feels too shy to talk about her feelings to other people, leading to her having never expressed her views on the hemocaste to anyone but Equius.

I think that they initially think they'd be friends. Each one of them would go "oh man, this other girl is soooo cute, I wish I could talk to her more often!"

And then, once they do, they realize they fucking hate each other. Nepeta would go "X00 < you are such a hypocrite who f33ls like youre better than all of us!!!" and Feferi would go "You're suc)( an uneducated glubbing P-EASANT! 3X0" and then they'd claw each others' eyes out. It would be so funny, and if a homestuck ship isn't extremely fucking funny, then why are we even here.

But more importantly, this would further them along into resolving each others' arcs - Feferi would be forced to grapple with the greater implications of classism, and Nepeta - who is shown having a spine the most in defiance of somebody else - would grow more aggressive about being open about her feelings in defiance of Feferi. Even Equius would get roped into it in a positive way - you can just imagine him going "D --> Can I really believe my auricular sponge clots D --> Nepeta, you are finally taking interest in politi%" and be 100% on board with teaching her so Feferi won't be able to call her uneducated.

And then for flushed, I dunno! Karkat's an option, and Jade and Jake also both love the fuck out of furries, and Tavros seems nice. But yeah I'll die on the fefnep hate ship. Guys it would be so funny.

Thank you as always for reading! Let me know if there's a troll you want to hear me ramble about next.

#homestuck #nepeta leijon #feferi peixes #equius zahhak

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the-s1lly-corner · 3 months

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i have a cute request to make

the tadc gang with a shy and introvert child reader

basically reader is very shy and barely speaks, and when needs to talk they just whisper, kinda like fluttershy!

reader hates loud noises so they barely goes to an IHA with the gang, only if they are bored or someone asks them to go, reader just likes being alone for the silence

but, reader does some cute things for the cast, they make little presents, everytime that the gang is in the IHA, reader is busy in their room making little presents, like paper flowers and stuff and leaves at the gang's doorstep, with cute little messages, like: "ur so cool!" "ur doing so well!" before running back to their room.

Caine, Jax, Pomni x shy!sweet!child!reader who hates loud noises (platonic)

i hope you dont mind me running this through the wheel to select characters </3 i still dont take full cast posts/nm i think imma answer this then maybe write an extra post or two (idk we'll see after i write this one); then thats probably it for today, since i think imma work on more art again.. not really behind on my personal goals anymore, just have some ideas that i want to at least sketch so i have that done

CAINE:

would try to make the IHAs a little more quiet and calm but with caines energy and his thought process of "it needs to be stimulating so the circus members dont lose it to the monotony"... sometimes he slips. i was going to say he descends into the adventure waving around a red card making all the IHA-stuff freeze as a joke... but i can genuinely see him doing that. most of the time watches over the IHA now that you're here. you're like his lil kid!! tries to be a dad, falls into common dad stereotypes because thats all he really knows.. though he himself can be a little loud and all over the place... and perhaps even overbearing every now and then... WILL show off whatever notes and gifts you leave for him to everyone else. will make a wall in the common room to hang up your art so everyone can see it

POMNI:

i wouldnt say pomni is shy, but i do think overall she is an anxious person and in introvert... of which is more prominent due to being in the circus (you know, a place thats stressing her out) so it lets you two relate.. and it kind of makes pomni pull herself together for you.. so in a way youre kind of her reasoning to keep going no matter how many times she fails to find the exit; as grim as it sounds. keeps all your gifts and notes in her room on display because unlike SOME people shes not all the concerned with her image or how shes perceived (jax). will try to take you away from a place if theres some noise, usually this is either the common room where everyone else is hanging out at or during IHAs... probably lets you crash in one of your rooms until you feel better. i think she would probably get someone to get you something (like a toy or snack) while she keeps an eye on you

JAX:

i think he would subtly try to get you to stand up for yourself before being blunt that you need to start speaking up. he WAS going to say something about how hes not going to always be there to talk for you buuuuut in the digital circus theres some.. not good implications with that statement, at least a little more than the irl version. less of a parent figure and more of an older brother one.. does keep your notes, though hes not going to tell anyone and hes going to deny it if anyone ever brings it up. hes an asshole but hes not heartless. tries to limit his pranks that can make loud noises, will also play it off to others that he just doesnt feel like doing those pranks anymore. but everyone knows, you know?

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #caine x you #caine imagine #pomni x reader #pomni x you #pomni imagine #jax x reader #jax x you #jax imagine

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aerasx · 1 year

Text

🌙 ❜ ─ Affection⁰⁰⁵

» What acts of service does stray kids do to show you affection?

Ot8! x y/n

Warnings: Mention of sex

Genre: Fluff, suggestive (barley)

Bangchan

» this man will do Anything and everything for your he wants you to know that he’s so appreciative for you.

» if you ask him for a snack or to bring food before he gets home me will do so immediately! If you ask him to get a cup for you on the highest shelf you can’t reach he will immediately get it for you! Honestly such an angel

» Big fan of PDA or affection in general. Wants people to know that your taken not that he’s jealous but he’s glad he can show how much he loves you in public.

» Overall hes so nice and DOESNT have a specific preference when it comes to acts of affection but he’ll do anything you prefer

Lee know

» acts of service!

» I’m sure we all know that he isn’t big on showing his emotions so he’s most definitely going to prefer acts of service.

» He also prefers if you do acts of service back instead of affection because he feels like you two can connect more.

» his acts of service are not big but rather lots of small things like making lunch for you in the morning knowing you went to sleep late last night.

» Or cleaning the house because he knows you won’t get home until later and knows how hard it is for your schedule in general so he’s happy to do things without a complaint

» Once you get use to it his acts of service are very great full and is very much an house husband he appreciates that you appreciate his acts of service

Changbin

» Loves cuddling you but likes giving you gifts at the same time!

» loves anything you love this man is absolutely whipped for you and anything you do! Absolutely down bad

» Will experiment by switching back and fourth between physical touch and acts of affection to see which one you like the most because he’s to embarrassed to ask himself.

» I also feel like he loves when you initiate cuddling yourself because he feels taken care of like a little child.

» Overall 10/10 no matter what you do he’s going to enjoy it. To make you feel comfortable around him.

Hyunjin

» I don’t think he has a preference and will like anything you like.

» if your very physical and always loves holding his hand or cuddling him he will be a little stiff and first but will eventually warm up to it

» sometimes when you two cuddle together and get to sleep when you wake up Hyunjin is snuggled closer to you than when you went to sleep.

» sometimes when you two cuddle he’ll end up being the little spoon but he makes you promise not to tell anyone else

» if you like acts of service more then expect this man to do the absolute most about it. Wants to spoil you the most.

» When you two go to the mall he will walk away from you in a second and come back with so many gifts he’s super humble about it to! Saying that it wasn’t much money at all knowing damn well he hit tripple digits Henry paying for that

»over all super sweet and doesn’t have a preference likes naughtiness you like because he wants you to be comfortable.

Han

» Physical Touch most definitely!

» Loves holding your hand at all times not matter what your doing even during sex. Though he doesn’t mind if you prefer something else like cuddling

» holding his hand is meaningful to him and because it stops him from having his panic attacks

» the other members think it’s cute that something like that can do so much for him and they appreciate you for doing it knowing Han appreciates it too

» if he’s not holding your hand he’s holding your waist thinks it’s romantic and also let’s him know your always by his side

» overall love any form of physical touch but definitely has a special spot in his heart for holding hands.

Felix

» I believe I’ve said this before but definitely loves physical touch just like Han.

» while he does love holding your hand I loves peppering kisses all over your face instead especially on your smile line

» he likes that it isn’t to intimate but also gets to kiss you as much as he wants. I also feel like he would love hugging you from the back whenever your cooking

» also loves baking with you in general and will often surprise you with kisses from behind or hug you from the bag tightly

» sometimes if he is feeling romantic he will like the brownie batter off your face loves seeing the blush that decorated your feature when he does it showing you a soft smile

» overall definitely prefers prefers physical touch but is happy with anything you enjoy but will feel a bit sad if you don’t wanna kiss him in public.

I.n

» prides himself in not being too clingy

» though deep inside he does love physical touch because he loves cuddling you or holding on to you in general.

» He will jump onto you the second you walk through the door often ends up cuddling you on the couch but if it’s really late you will insist in cuddling in the bed instead.

» if he’s ever feeling shitty or mad from some thing at work he will always go to you because as long as he has his hand on you It can calm him down

» especially when your cuddling and you get to kiss his forehead he loves when you do that. Also loves just talking to you while you guys cuddle it can be about him or you.

» generally prefers cuddling as his form of affection and it’s not discussable either you have to cuddle with him norm matter what.

Seungmin

» acts of service in public and physical touch in private.

» will absolutely show you affection in private kissing you holding your hand sneaking up behind you to hold your wait.

» however when in public he likes doing acts of service maybe paying for your food when you go out to eat together or buying a rose for you to show his love

» though one time when you two are out on a date he get nervous and started holding your hand under the table you thought it was really cute though and loved it

» will get flustered if you kiss him on his cheek in public mostly will whisper “ stop that embarrassing “ but inside he loves that you do it and hopes you do it again not to often though!

» over will love anything you do and doesn’t have a preference but doesn’t get flustered really easily when with you.

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ddarker-dreams · 7 months

Note

hmmm.... i have a question. not really a question, more like rambling actually.

so we know that n darling doesnt want to get attached with blade, she mostly sees him as her fuckbuddy for a bit which i think is funny, hence she is his long term long distance low commitment gf.

but im actually curious on blade's view on this relationship. does he feel mutual about this? i mean, clearly he doesn't, but im dying to know the specifics.

does he not prod on the topic because he knows n darling would ultimately be his anyway? (based on... whatever elio's script says) or does he just... not care for any specifics and just already considers her his gf without said gf even knowing 😭😭 actually both theories sound more or less similar.

im so excited for ch 5, ive been rereading nexus over and over again lol (and of course... ch 3 and 4 has the most reads for certain reasons im sure you know)

me thinking of a way to respond without accidentally delving into spoiler territory GJKJDF

i will say that the answer to this question is different pre and post chapter 4. i can come back and give the latter after chapter five is posted.

OKAY, so. initial impression (after saving n darling from alister's knife attack in ch1), was... nothing really. a slight pull and nothing else. at that point, he knew the specifics of his job, which he didn't view differently from the hundreds of jobs he'd be assigned before. he doesn't usually bother thinking about the greater picture. he considers himself a weapon who will simply do as he's told until elio fulfills his end of their agreement.

for a while after that, he finds n darling kinda weird. he doesn't get why n darling thanked him and made her synalink offer when it's pretty obvious she doesn't like the stellaron hunters. it wasn't clear to him yet that in the same way he considers himself a weapon, n darling views herself an integral organ to eris. n darling's gratitude wasn't so much that he saved her life — but that he saved eris' 'life.'

he didn't actively try to understand her because he wouldn't care to. the sole reason he picked any of this up is just from the sheer amount of time they spent coexisting. it's inevitable he'd become familiar with her to some extent. there's that, and well... n darling is rather stunning. an assignment where he basically gets to stare at a beautiful woman for days on end isn't something he's complaining about.

what served as a turning point is the nectar guide incident.

(i didn't expect for this to get so long good god but here's blade's mental health going 📉 as his journey to tap n darling begins)

when he comes to, the sight he's greeted with is this high stationed individual weeping for him and desperately tearing her clothes in a attempt to stop his bleeding. he cannot recall a time when anyone has bothered to do so, since it's known no matter how awful an injury he suffers, he'll regenerate eventually. that aforementioned slight pull grows stronger.

regarding blade's reaction to n darling poking around in his psyche uninvited, that wasn't what actually upset him. it was the possibility he'd be less attentive to her safety if he were to go around searching for survivors. for some inexplicable reason, this irked him.

then, at this exchange in ch3:

“Can it really be considered a sin if it’s beyond your control?”

“It won’t always be,” he replies. “Until then, I can’t allow myself to forget. You must get why.”

You wish you didn’t.

it finally dawns on blade that he and this diva-who-pretends-she-isn't-a-diva actually share common ground. that they're both stuck in this self-perpetuated cycle of guilt and admonishment for circumstances that weren't entirely their fault. he doesn't know what to do with this information and stuffs it away for safekeeping.

then another turning point goes down:

the dissonance between lear's id and ego/superego culminates to such a degree that n darling goes unresponsive, the psychic backlash is that bad. blade doesn't understand the specifics. all he sees is this woman he's begrudgingly intrigued by collapsing to the ground with blood rushing from her nose, while her noisy friend and quiet friend rush around. eventually, he can roughly piece together what happened from these tidbits: n darling's aversion to physical contact (seen in ch1 when he reaches for her wrist and she freezes up, then once more when she avoids him after the nectar guide incident).

n darling then confirms this: "What you’re referring to is a precaution my mother suggested. In the past, strange reactions have occurred after I came into direct contact with someone."

along with well-intentioned nona's exclamation: "i yelled at him that if he hurt lear you would turn his mind into goop"

blade wouldn't have thought to configure lear into things as soon as he did had nona not given this slip of information. he already had suspicions that lear and n darling had some sort of Situation between them, because lear isn't slick and makes googly eyes @ n darling like nobodies business, but this. this is different. he could write lear's googly eyes off as a crush, which is whatever. but n darling caring for lear to such a degree that she's fine with risking her wellbeing because she likes being around him that much? hence:

You’re so swept up in your thoughts, that it takes you a while to notice how Blade’s been staring at you. This in and of itself is nothing new. He’s been your shadow ever since forced this arrangement. It irritated you at first, but that blistering offense eased into acceptance. His vigilance felt befitting of a guard. Taking in your surroundings, assessing any threats; such is his prerogative.

How he’s eyeing you now feels different. It’s as if he’s looking through you, not at you.

“Is something wrong? You’re making such a scary expression,” you joke.

at that point, blade is Not Happy to an extent that confuses even him (ch5 will go into why).

then he happens to be brooding in the distance, as he's prone to do, when he sees n darling looking absolutely defeated (post the convo with caicias and chrysus). he feels this need to do something about it, remembers how often she drinks that ambrosia tea, then makes some for her. he really was going to just leave it and then give her space, but, alas:

"Your body springs up of its own accord. You balance the teacup in one hand and reach out to him with the other, your fingers fanning out, ready to sink into whatever they can. Everything happens in the blink of an eye. Your free hand succeeds in finding a destination — settling on the abrasive finish of his bandages.

You feel another texture alongside it.

It’s smooth, cold, and visible through the interstices of his winding bandages.

His skin."

this contact quite literally Awakens something in him (👁👁),

"Blade’s gripping your comforter hard enough for his knuckles to turn bone white. He’s leaning forward, as if ready to pounce, yet lucid enough to exercise some semblance of self-control. He reminds you of a starved animal trapped in a cage, salivating over a piece of meat hanging outside the bars. Goosebumps cover your body. This isn’t simple lust… it’s visceral, some primitive desire too overwhelming to be understood.

You’re the one he’s staring at with this unbridled yearning.

Yes, he’s teased you. Pushed your buttons and riled you up. Not so subtly flaunted the strength that lets him maneuver you like you weigh nothing. You might have status and mastery in your given field, but he’s participated in the annihilation of worlds; the end of civilizations that span back since time immemorial.

He should be the one in charge.

Yet as you stand here, witnessing how he tortures himself by not pouncing on you like he easily could, a thought is planted.

He’d really do anything you asked if it kept this from ending."

from this point to where chapter 4 ends, blade's brain is in some sort of caveman mode. he wakes up. thinks about fucking n darling. fucks n darling. waits around impatiently until he can fuck n darling once again. fucks n darling again. goes to (half) sleep. rinse and repeat.

not only is his mara manageable when he's around n darling, but he gets this thrill too? it's a high unlike anything he's experienced in the miserable centuries he's been cursed with immortality. he isn't really worried about the specifics of their relationship, so long as he can keep railing her on every surface around. n darling's body, how she carries herself with such confidence, the way she pokes and prods at him; he's obsessed. addicted. nothing short of feral.

every stage on his hierarchy of needs has been replaced with n darling.

#nexus #blade brainrot #not sfw #answered #Anonymous

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2knightt · 11 months

Note

gwjgdkebdj ive never asked anything from u before but can you do the gang with a reader who stims a lot cuz like i often stim like with my hands or like vocal stims like squeaking or certain words and idk how would they feel about that because i do it alot :]

↳pharmacy’s rotting my brain!₊˚✧

──IN WHICH, the gang with a reader that tends to stim!。✦

||✰ — the gang, separately can be seen as both romantic and platonic.

Johnny Cade ;

probably doesn’t care.

he thinks is a little odd at first, but gets used to it pretty fast

if you tend to do it when you’re nervous, he picks up on it pretty fast.

like, if you were in a public space that’s crowded and you were to start stimming, vocally or not, he’d notice immediately.

he’d take you away from the area ASAP.

“you good?”

“ye-yeah. back there jus, scared me is all.”

“yeah. i noticed.”

i think he tends to like, play with his fingers when he’s nervous so…he makes sure you don’t feel alone or weird because of it.

you feeling insecure over something you cannot control is beyond him.

so, he tries his very best to help you in any way possible.

if you need him to hold your hand to stop you from stimming so much in front of new people, he will NOT let go.

“johnny we left, you can let go.”

“no.”

“okay.”

Dallas Winston ;

i don’t think he minds much.

but if anyone else had a problem with it, he’d have a problem with them.

“the hell are they doing?”

“is it a problem?”

“yeah, it’s annoying.”

BAM!

dead.

he tries to understand why you do it, but doesn’t.

“i’ve told you already, dal.”

“yeah but, why?”

when you like, squeaked around him for the first time, he was probably scared.

“AH! what the fuck?!”

gets used to it though.

“jesus christ, y/n. you sound like a mouse.”

“shut up.”

if you get nervous around him and start stimming he probably would throw an arm around your shoulder and rubs his thumb up n down your arm.

he tries to help, sometimes, but fails so bad.

you probably just end up laughing at him.

Ponyboy Curtis ;

honestly, i can see pony stimming too. just a little bit though.

so, seeing you stim too make him feel less lonely.

ponyboy probably stims when he’s alone only but when you came along you’re like, the only person to know.

“me too!”

“i know, y/n. that’s why i told you.”

“oh.”

he’s always there for you!! like always.

it lowkey gets kinda annoying but whatever.

it helps ponyboy stay calm knowing your alright.

Sodapop Curtis ;

will also, beat the shit outta someone for making fun of you.

“stop that.”

“they can’t control that.”

“so? it’s annoyi-“

knocked out!

even a broken jaw, perhaps.

he is your number one defender!!!

i can see soda stimming when he gets excited, like shaking him hands, all that.

he totally understands you!!

he doesn’t mind if you do vocal stims.

you and sodapop legit understand each other.

i feel like he gets you. idk.

Darry Curtis ;

scared. he was lowkey scared when you stimmed around him.

he doesnt know why you do it??

don’t even bother trying to explain it to him.

but he gets used to it, n’ that’s all that matters.

he doesn’t even bat n’ eye no more.

he’s learning so fast at his old age!☺️

jokes…maybe.

if your certain word was like fuck or something, he lets it slide.

i think darry’s the type of guy to go “LANGUAGE!” when someone swears.

but he won’t for you.

“what? you aren’t gonna yell at them?”

“no.”

“what???”

“don’t ask anymore questions, you hear?”

Steve Randle ;

will beat the shit out of someone too.

0 fucking hesitation.

ZERO.

he is swinging without a second thought.

but, i do unfortunately have to admit, he thought it was weird at first.

he didn’t understand why you would squeak, or move your hands constantly.

but, slowly but surely, he got the idea.

i don’t see himself doing it, but he gets you.

Two-bit Mathews ;

i can see two-bit playing with his hands when he gets too excited.

so seeing you stim, isn’t weird to him at all.

he lowkey thinks it normal.

he thinks your squeaking is funny.

“HAHAHA! y-y/n, who knew you could make such cute sounds!”

he means it in a good way.

i swear he does😭.

i think he picks up on playing with his hands like how you do if he spends enough time with you.

“jeez, y/n. i’ve been hanging out with you so much ‘m starting to become you!”

“oh, shut it!”

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wh0refornikolailantsov · 11 months

Note

omg you write for Nikolai too?? could you do a part 2 to Better Late Than Never - i love the idea!!

Sure can do, Nikolai is my love. Tolya content is because I love my bestie and apparently the fandom as a whole is deprived of Tolya content which is unacceptable honestly. But yeah thought my username might give away the Nikolai enthusiasm, and I'm more than happy to write content for him, he plagues my every waking thought and honestly I'm not mad about it.

Part 1

Better Late Than Never Part 2 - Nikolai Lantsov

Content Warnings: Vasily. No Beta/Proof Reading.

All Nikolai could do was think about you, about his brother and about all the ways he wanted to bring a stop to everything.

The thoughts consumed his every waking moment, his conscious thoughts being entirely clouded by you. Your laugh. Your smile. The way you had looked at him the night he found out about your engagement, that pleading look in your eyes, that wishing he could do something, anything to fix it. You had given him that look once before, before he left. When you'd begged him to stay without saying a single word about him leaving.

He had left anyway, and a day had not passed by when he had not thought of how sad you were to see him go. He had often thought about returning, and what it would be like to see you again. He had never in those worst thoughts considered that he would return to you stuck and so resigned to it.

It's not like you hadn't considered your options, you'd considered just leaving Ravka, which you admitted was a bit of an extreme method for getting out of an engagement, but this was to Vasily Lantsov, First Prince of Ravka, destined to be King of Ravka, and you took no joy in the prospect of being his Queen.

It was late when you heard the knock on your bedroom door, you'd been moved in months prior to the engagement, it was a matter of your familys relationship with the crown and the manner in which of the countries war. Your father needed so often at council meetings you had been relocated for convenience, which hindsight let you wonder if that had not just been an excuse on Vasily's part to get you close.

He knew you hated him, you'd never been good at hiding it, and he adored just how much you disliked him, he treated it like a game. It only made you hate him more.

You opened the door and of all the people you'd expected to be at your door, Nikolai had not made the list. And yet, it was his deep eyes, and his soft, sleep tousled hair that you laid eyes on. His rob hung loosely tied, the fabric not held close across his chest, he was showing far too much skin to just be walking around the halls and you both knew it.

"Nikolai," you grabbed his hand and pulled him inside your room without thinking. You leaned quickly on the door until it closed and stared at Nikolai, who tried to look like he had a good excuse for the intrusion but you both knew he did not. Not with that look on his face, you knew it better than most of his looks, this was he was causing trouble, for him, for you, for both of you, was anyone's guess, and he couldn't find it in himself to be sorry about it. "What are you doing here?"

"You just pulled me inside your bedroom in the dark of night, and you're asking me about my intentions," he teased you, he should know better but he doesnt, "people will talk."

"Nikolai," you mumbled.

"I have been thinking about your situation," Nikolai said and for a moment you pondered if maybe he had been drinking, but no, this was something else. "And I've been trying to think of how I could fix this."

"Fix it?" You laughed, and it was more bitter than you intended.

"Yes," the softness in his face made you want to grab his face and shake sense into him, or kiss him but those feelings were like old friends to you and you would not let them shake you.

"Oh Kolya," you sighed, and gave him the softest smile you were capable of mustering. "You have to live up to your name, don't you?"

"Saint of Sailors," he tried, desperate for you not to say it.

"Can't you see I am a lost cause?" you asked. He didn't look at you then, unable to handle the look he knew he would find in your eyes.

"I will not believe you are a lost cause," he says, "I cannot believe that."

"Then you can believe in me for the both of us."

He stepped close and you moved to step back but were quickly reminded of the door you leant against. You couldn't let him be close to you, not after all this time. Not like this. Not because he felt guilty for never noticing. Not because he felt guilty for leaving. Not because of Vasily. Not because Nikolai thought he owed you something.

Not because you are engaged to his brother.

"What if I took you away?" He asked. You would be sure he was drunk now if he wasn't holding your gaze so adamantly, his voice so serious and steady. His eyes bored right into you.

"Nikolai, my life is here," your voice deflated, given in.

"What life do you get to have with my brother?" He asked.

"A frustrating one, and I do not want it but it is mine," you argued. "What choice do I have?"

"I could not stay before," he said, and looked away from you, his shoulders lowered like he was finally admitting to a long awaited confession. "But I should not have left you."

"What did I have to offer Sturmhond," the words fell from your lips and Nikolai saw in plain view just how much you knew and understood. Exactly how much you'd always seen him, how much none of the other things had mattered. How much he hadn't noticed in all those years felt like drowning.

He regrets his response before he fully made it but the words came out of him and they felt like knives, "What did I have to offer you, as the royal spare to the throne?"

There was anger in your eyes and he saw it. White, glaring anger. "None of that mattered to me, you knew that, it was never about-"

"I know," he stopped you. "I'm sorry, I am sorry for all of it, for leaving, for not taking you with me, for letting Vasily ever set eyes on you, for not coming back sooner, for not realising sooner. For all of it."

"Nikolai I spent our entire youth hoping, that maybe one day you'd wake up and you'd see it, all of it, but that was stories, and this isn't those stories, you cannot rescue me from this, not without..." you stopped, you knew you were just as much a pawn in Vasily's game to anger his brother as you were a prize in your own right to him. You knew all the things that Vasily might do or say to bring Nikolai down if he dared to try and interfere. Vasily's play was this slow suffering, this hope of inflicting quiet, longing and regretful suffering on his brother. His brother who had never done anything to harm him except be a better man than Vasily was capable of being. "I do not like to think of what he would do to you Kolya," Nikolai watched your movements, the way you struggled with your words. The idea of his pain, and what he might lose was more painful to you than your own suffering and Nikolai understood it with perfect mirrorlike reflectance, because he felt the same.

"What if you married me?" He asked. You laughed. You couldn't help it.

"Swap one prince for another, on what count, Vasily would sooner see me hanged for dishonour than allow that," you argued.

"Not as a Prince then."

"As Sturmhond?"

"No... well... yes. But no, not as someone else, not as a Prince who never had a shot at being King, not as the person I pretended to be to get away from a life felt could not serve me or my country, but just as me, Nikolai, not a Lantsov or a Privateer, not a Prince or a facade. But as me," he said. Saints you'd wanted that, of course you wanted that. It's all you'd wanted for so long but never allowed yourself to think you could have.

"The Crown-"

"I'll renounce my right to the throne."

"You wouldn't," your tone was far too serious, you looked far too stern that Nikolai couldn't help but laugh.

"I love Ravka, it's my country and I would live and die for it, but I cannot serve Ravka's best intentions walking around this place with no real sway and no chance to make a difference. But I will not leave without you again, and I will not let you fall into a life that we both know you'd rather die than live in. Especially if one of the reasons you're doing it is to protect me from the same slander and rumours Vasily has taunted me with my entire life." He steps closer again and you don't try to move away. "So please, let me take you away."

"You know Kolya, I have waited my whole life for you to ask me that," you admitted.

"Is that a yes?"

"I do not care to be a Lantsov, Nikolai, I only care to be yours."

Tagging Those Who Asked About Part2: @xceafh , @marchingicenotes7 , @goldenpoison , @number-0-iz , @hauntedenthusiasttragedy

#shadow and bone #grishaverse #six of crows #nikolai x reader #nikolai lantsov fanfic #nikolai lanstov x reader #nikolai x you #nikolai lantsov #nikolai lanstov x y/n #sturmhond #vasily lantsov

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lunatic-fandom-space · 6 months

Text

You know what its past midnight Im gonna make a post critisising acotar despite never having the read the series, the only book of SJMs ive actually read was crescent city but I spend a lot of time in anti acotar circles bc its fun being a little hater sometimes and I think I know enough by now to atleast critise some of the themes. I definitely know more about this series than I should, like I know about that immortal horse whose horse wife tragically died in horse childbirth and then Im pretty sure he died of horse sadness. And yet, despite cari can read being pretty good at explaining magic shit, I still dont know what the hell syphons are or why illyrians have them or why they matter so you really never stop learning huh

Anyway, I wanted to talk about the misogyny within the universe of acotar because its really bad, both in the sense that its just annoying and insufferable to read about even second-hand and in the sense that its badly written. The thing that inspired this was this short piece of flashfiction by @feynessupremacy about an unnamed girl from the hewn city being married off and having a horrible time living in this endless cycle of misogynistic abuse that her mom is still in and that her dauggters will end up in, all powerless to do anything against this kind of systemic sexism. I thought it was good and made its intended point pretty well but it also made me once again realize how borderline comical this series portrayal of misogyny is

Like, okay, once again, I have not read these books myself but it very much seems like the sexism in this world just materialized in the second book, from the summaries Ive watched it straightup seems like it was just not there in the first book. I mean hell, the entire plot hinges on the fact that Tamlin was sending all these fae disguised as fucked up creatures out so that they would hopefully be killed by a woman so she could break the curse, which implies that women being hunters was pretty normal. (Also, dont come at me with any kind of "oh, it doesnt specify the gender of the person who needs to break the curse a guy couldve done it as well", sjm is too insufferably heteronormative to consider that)

So basically what Im saying is, from my perspective it very much seems like sjm put not only systemic misogyny but like, incredibly violent systemic misogyny to the point where women being brutalized is basically completely normal, in her fantasy series for the sake of making a man look good because hes a wittle sad :( about it sometimes which is honestly pretty funny to me

But it gets even funnier because it doesnt even seem like sexism is really a widespread thing ? Like, i have never seen anyone else directly address this but its all I can think about: in the Nightcourt, the misogyny and institutionalized violence against women is literally the worst it possibly can be with genital mutilation and everything and then in the rest of Prythian its just like, not there. There are plenty of women with political power, the queen of adriada comes to mind first, Im pretty sure I read something about a woman from the wintercourt who was in a similar position of power, its unclear to me what all these fuckin priestesses do because theres no focus on the religion at all much less the institution(s) behind that religion, but they have to have some kind of power if theyre anything like priests in our world (although tbh they seem more like nuns to me functionally just with a diffrent name), especially Ianthe who was like a high priestess and directly in charge of Feyre, who shouldve been the most powerful woman in the springcourt by virtue of being with the high lord, Amren and Mor seem to be well respected outside of the NightCourt, their only deity is the MOTHER. Sure, there arent any "official" High Ladies but if being a High Lord entails being chosen by the magic of the land or The Cauldron or The Mother or whatever other kind of magic bullshit and women just dont get to have it for some reason, is that really indicative of the broader culture being sexist, or is that just God, Who Canonically Exists being sexist? Idk about you, but Im leaning towards the latter option

Thats not even mentioning the mortal lands which seem to be ruled by queens exclusively at the time of the story taking place, or Hybern which had Amarantha and I think her sister as well be these high-ranking generals and it wasnt presented as anything unusual. Like, are you telling me that the kingdom whose only value is "we love slavery, we would like to have slavery back" is more progressive than the court of fuckin Feminist King Rhysand?? I Am Going To Turn Into The Joker

Anyway, I think thats all I have to say, please correct me if I got any of this information wrong I cannot stress enough that I have not read these books and dont plan on reading them anytime soon, atleast not in english because reading the term mate a 1000 times sounds like too much for me to bear, atleast in german theyll probably use a term like "Gefährte/in" which doesnt make me think of actual animals

#im öretty sleep deprived so i hope this is coherent enough #anti sjm #anti acotar

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yeahiamjustalittleguy · 11 months

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Thanks!! Could u do a team rancher x dsmp reader where, during the hermitcraft and empires crossover, the reader somehow ends up in either empires or hermitcraft and sees Jimmy and Tango and remembers them from double life (the three of them were soulmates)

A little bit of angst/comfort where reader doesnt want to go back to the dsmp but they have to because dream has them on a wanted poster and he would travel through worlds and destroy them just to find reader and they dont want hermitcraft or empires getting destroyed because of them

CAN I JUST SAY OKAY.... Ranchers are the love of my life. I love them so deeply. I never watched jimmys pov of anything before double life. They got a grasp on me man..

Warnings: Angst, no happy ending and mentions of DSMP which is a horror in itself lol

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The last thing you remembered was the stinging sensation of withering, as you hid in a closed off room in a nether fortress, trying to not die. Then there was purple, and then nothing. It didn’t explain what was happening, but it wasn’t that long since you had entered a new SMP and you knew what that felt like, so you instinctively knew that when you awoke you were somewhere else. In a new world. Truth be told, the revelation came as a welcomed surprise. The DSMP was a hard place and it had never really suited you all that well. Your soul was too soft for it, many had told you. That’s why all your friends and family had been surprised when you had accepted the invitation to the double life server. Although it was more lighthearted than the DSMP, it was still known for violence and bloodshed. You’d never tell them, but you’d give anything to leave the DSMP. You didn’t care what server had invited you, it didn’t matter what double life was, you took the invite in a heartbeat. Turns out double life had been the best experience of your life too. You’d buried the feelings of why, never telling anyone on the DSMP that you’d fallen in love. The server didn’t allow for such weakness, so you buried it all.

You’re in some kind of cave when your mind comes to. It has a bunch of things you’re not entirely sure what are, and to your surprise it also has Grian. You’d known him for a long time, which was originally the reason you had been invited to double life. That’s when you knew where you were. If Grian was here it had to be the server he usually frequented, which was hermitcraft. He was just as surprised to see you as you were to see him. “How.. Am I here?” You had asked him, puzzled. This type of cross server travel was something you’d simply never heard of. The only way to usually go to any other server was through your communicator and only by getting an invite. He walked over to hug you, smiling. You tensed, not being used to positive physical contact. When he pulled away he still had a big smile on his face. “I can’t believe you’re somehow here! I thought the rift was just between hermitcraft and Empires.” He explained, and you raised an eyebrow at his lack of a real explanation. “The rift?” You enquired.

“I accidentally created a rift between servers. I don’t really know how, but I am glad you’re here. This is cool.” He was clearly excited about it, but you were worried. “How do I get back, Grian?” You knew your disappearance would not go over well in your own world. Both because your friends and family would miss you, but also because you knew the lengths Dream would go to just to make sure you stayed chained to your own world. Everyone had their part to play in his schemes, and you were sure your disappearance would somehow ruin his plans and make him go ballistic. Grian looked sad and dejected at the prospect of you not staying, but you had to go. You knew it would only cause trouble if you didn’t. “You can go back and forth through the rift, as long as it stays open. But hey, stay for just a little bit, won’t you? Just to see the server- I could show you so many things!” Once again he seemed excited at the prospect of you staying, just a little bit.

Maybe a few hours wouldn’t hurt. There was no way that he would notice you gone until later. He wouldn’t even have to know that you’d left. You already knew it was a yes. The temptation of a couple hours of peace and happiness was all too much, and the question had never even been real. Of course you would stay. Grian didn’t even really need to convince you, nodding your head as he grabbed you once again and unfolded his large wings to carry you out of the apparent cave you were in.

You had fun for a bit, examining Grians base with him. He was about to move on to show what his neighbor, Mumbo, had been working on when his communicator went off a couple of times. He excused himself for a second, checking it with wide eyes. “Wait here, I have to go do something.” He said, about to take flight when you grabbed his arm in panic, surprising both of you. Grian knew you were jumpy, but not this much. He was aware of the changes that the DSMP had done to you, and you had both discussed it in double life. It was hard to deny it with Grian, he had known you before you joined. He knew the person you were before that server changed you completely. He understood why the thought of him leaving you alone was so frightening to you. “I’ll drop you off with someone you know, I promise.” He settled on, and although you were uncomfortable with the idea, you didn’t want to burden him so you nodded, as he once again picked you up to take you somewhere.

So when he dropped you off with the nearest person, who happened to be Scar, you were even less comfortable. You’d grown to like Scar over the season you had with him but you knew he was not a person equipped to babysit you. It was no surprise that as soon as Grian left Scar first dragged you around his park, but then when that ran out of interest for him you were getting dragged all over the server. Then, somewhere along the way you lost Scar. It was bound to happen with him flying around. He couldn’t carry you like Grian could. For a while you stood still, but it didn’t look like Scar was even looking for you or backtracking. So you decided to start walking, deeply on edge. Then you spotted a structure.

It stopped you in your tracks as you had to decide between trying to get help or finding your way back. After an inner battle, you decided to approach the building. It was black with blue and purple accents, and it was quite beautiful. Everything on this server had been so stunning. Coming from the DSMP it left you speechless sometimes. The only person on the DSMP who ever made anything this substantial was Foolish, and you’d never had the time to simply appreciate his builds. Walking so you were stood right in front of it, you tried to build up the courage to explore it to find help, but you just kept having that feeling in your stomach and the inability to make your legs move.

But you didn’t need to, as voices started to approach behind you from the treeline. It was starting to get dark out, so it made sense that someone would be coming home at this point, but your brain didn’t register anything except the fact that there were people coming for you. And in a panic, you unsheathe the sword you had borrowed from Grian, turning around quickly in a stance ready to fight as the two people become visible to you, and you to them. And they both stop in their tracks, the cheerful chattering coming to a halt at seeing you. But it’s not fear or surprise on their face, it’s faces of recognition. And the same look comes to your face, as your panic fades completely and warmth crawls up your body and into your cheeks.

They both shout your name, running towards you, Tango embracing you first and then Jimmy enclosing you both in his arms. “T-tango, J-jimmy.” You say their names shakily, somehow against your own will. It’s like a deep hidden need or urge to say them. The things you did together, the feelings both of them drew from you, it all comes back to you right then and there. Why couldn’t you have stayed in double life forever, with those two? It was cruel, but beautiful. Something in your mind couldn’t stop you from thinking it was fate, that maybe if you were lucky, you would continue to run into them like this. That maybe something would happen, and you could have this forever. But you were not that naive.

Jimmy pulled away, but left his hands on Tangos back. Tango didn’t completely pull away, but he did pull back to grab your face in one hand, tilting it up so he could look at you. His face had a beautiful smile painted on it, but you could see that his eyes were a little wet. Looking towards Jimmy, you almost burst out laughing, seeing him fully sobbing. "Hey! Don’t laugh at me.” He said, covering his face in embarrassment and then wiping his tears away. It was honestly just.. It was a lot, and keeping your tears in yourself had been hard so you couldn’t really pick on him too much. “It was a lot today, seeing both Tango and you for the first time in a while, okay!” He explained, as Tango continued to laugh deep from within his stomach. Feeling his body again, feeling the rumble of his voice leaving his chest, it was beyond any other feeling in the world. You missed it. You had missed it so, so much.

You somehow ended up on a couch after talking for hours, Tango on his stomach against you, both of you once again trapped inside Jimmys’ arms as he laid on his side next to you. He had the longest arms, you’d learned, and so he was always left on big spoon and outer layer cuddle-pile duty. It was hard to feel bad for him, as he looked so content. If you kept playing with his hair, you were convinced you could make him fall asleep. It was something you’d have to test, to be sure. Tango wouldn’t stop turning his head to look up at you, his goofy smile constantly glued to his face. It was perfect. You don’t know which god was playing with you. Giving you this taste of heaven, when you knew it could never last forever. all you would ever get was a little taste, you could never really have the full experience. It would just leave you with a craving that would never be satisfied.

And with Grian and Scar suddenly shouting your name from somewhere outside Tangos’ base, you knew it was time. Jimmy seemed to be pulled out of his half-asleep state, and Tango followed suit, sitting up. You heard Grian calling your name again, this time closer. There was a silence as you all looked between each other, Tango and Jimmy both knowing the look in your eyes. They both knew that look all too well. From when you all lost your first life to the last one, they’d seen it. The eyebrows that pulled upwards and the eyes that glossed over. You were saying ‘I’m sorry’ again. And they knew you were going to leave.

Desperately, Jimmy latched onto your arms. “No, don’t leave us again. Stay. Just-you can stay! You can stay for as long as I can, right? Tango? They can stay-” You cut him off, knowing you would break if you let him ramble on for any longer and also for his own sake. You knew he would just keep spiraling. “I have to go, Jimmy. Everyone from your world is onboard with you being here but.. I can’t stay. The people from my server wouldn’t..” You stopped to choose your words carefully. You didn’t want Tango and Jimmy to know. You didn’t want them to worry. They didn’t need to know what the DSMP was actually like, it would only hurt them to know.

“They wouldn’t get it. They would.. Miss me." It wasn’t entirely true, yet not entirely false either. You’re sure Dream would miss whatever plans he had for you, and you’re sure he would tear the entire universe apart to find you. That was more fun, anyways. You don’t know what his intentions are or what plans he has for you, but you’re sure tormenting you and bringing you back on your knees is more fun to him than making a new plan. And you don’t want to test him. You know what the man is capable of. Maybe if you let him take your last two lives, as he had taken the first, you could escape. But even in death Wilbur couldn’t, so you were not hopeful in that regard. You only feared to think what your purgatory would be like. No, instead you would return home. Keep going in the hopes of once again getting to hear Jimmy and Tango laugh.

Tango was taking it well, all things considered. You could tell he was sad, but he at least understood where you were coming from. Jimmy on the other hand was just looking between you and Tango, mad at you for letting yourself leave and mad at Tango for letting you leave. But he sighed, sinking back into the couch and away from you. He looked back up at you in defeat as you heard Grian and Scar call for Tango. You leaned in, putting an ascetic and fast kiss to Jimmys’ lips before taking Tangos’ hand and walking down stairs together. You and Tango both knew that Jimmy would not be able to let you go if he went with you, and Jimmy must have known too as he abstained from following you but simply sat there with tears starting to form in his eyes.

“Oh, thank goodness you’re okay. It was getting dark and I was worried, I knew I shouldn’t have left you with Scar.” Grian rambled as he ran towards you and hugged you as soon as you and Tango came into his vision. You looked behind him, seeing a very relieved and apologetic Scar waving at you. “I definitely don’t plan on letting Scar babysit my kids.” You said, putting up a joking demeanor to block the pain that was building up inside you. Grian let go of you, stepping back. “I’m sorry it took so long, are you ready to go?” Grian asked, and you grabbed Tangos’ hand. His eyes were glossy and slightly red, but he wasn’t crying. He must have been holding it back well, just like you were. Putting the other hand on his cheek, he copied you and laid his hand on yours and you leaned up to give him a deep and final kiss, which was the goodbye between you two before you parted.

Grian and Scar were looking at you in surprise as you separated, starting to walk away and when they regained their composure, they followed suit silently, ready to lead you back to the rift. To most, this had just been a fun little game with the idea of soulmates. But to you and your ranchers it had been real, it had meant everything. You just hoped it would not be the last time you ever got to see them.

#hermitcraft x reader #hermitcraft x y/n #hermitcraft x you #hermitblr #tangotek x reader #solidaritygaming x reader

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partywithoutsmiling · 7 days

Text

Some musing on the Wanderer!Branch AU

(Okay, bit of a chaotic lore dump incoming, as this is probably the first time I am putting it to words)

Okay, important info first:

I headcanon it that Branch- and thus the other Brozone bros- are half-pop half-rock in their herritage; this headcanon is an old one, ever since World Tour dropped, and honestly only supported by the fact that Total Eclipse of the Heart that Branch sung as trolling is considered a Pop Rock song XD But hey, one doesnt need to have many reasons to make headcanons pff

(I have some tentative lore about his parents- and his grandparents- too, and how that would effect Branch and his Bros growing up, but I will leave that for a separated post)

But anyway, with Branch's Pop side being moderated by his Rock side, he would have always felt a bit out of place among his tribe, even he grew up perfectly happy with no tragedy in his life (I know switching Branch's and Poppy's place when it comes to being grey is all the rage right now, but I still feel most are missing all the necessary nuance to really make it work, but lets not get into that pf)

Obviously, that feeling of not fitting it only got hundred fold worse since his PTSD and him being grey, as Pop Trolls doesn't seem to be known for mental health support. Branch eventually leaving is not him going 'Screw you all, I will find someone who appreciates me' (much like Clay did) but more of a 'I am sorry, I won't get in your way anymore, I wont be a burden'

Basically massive amount of self-loathing and severe lack of self-worth. When Branch had his final breakdown and decided to leave, I don't think it would be with the precise goal of finding anyone (yes, part of him hopes he would be able to find his brothers and at least find closure one way or another, no matter how much it terrifies him).

Honestly, Branch probably didn't dare to examine his decision to leave any closely than he needed to, lest it would stand out to him for what it really was- a suicide trip.

This was Branch that doesnt know anything about the wide, outside world; he knows Bergen Town, knows of the old Troll Tree, and now knows the Forest and their Troll Village. But everything else is uncharted territory for him. He knows of the Neverglades, because of a faint memory of John Dory constantly talking about them when he was a baby, but has only a vague sense which way they are (I headcanon they make up for the border of Pop and Rock territories)

His preparation for the trip was abysmal, and so was his plan in general. He just picked a direction- opposite of Bergen Town, away from them- and started walking. When he first encountered the towering high peaks of Classical Territory, he immediatelly recognized that they can't be the Neverglades- very much not fitting the description that he remembered, so he walked past/around them, smack dab into Country territory.

Compared to others, I don't think the Country Trolls would have been very welcoming to him at the beginning; used to hard life, inhospitable land and abundant death, Branch would be an unexpected disturbance; obviously not a Classical Troll, who borders with them the closest but never comes down from the skies, obviously not a Funk Troll, who with their technological advance might as well be myths at this point- and obviously not a Pop Troll, since he doesnt shower them with obnoxious music and doesnt even look the part.

Had he been at his 100%, they would have probably been quite content to send him packing, figuring he was just a Rock Troll going solo career (little insert headcanon: Rock Troll Rite of Passage is going on a Rock Tour, and sometimes the more adventurous Rock Trolls strays into other territories to bother and cause mayhem other trolls. Barb's Rock Tour was her Rite of Passage, and being a freshly fanged Queen, she took it to another level)

But Branch quite helpfully collapsed on their doorstep, half starving and dehydrated, and they weren't so callous as to leave him there for the elements to take care of him.

Naturally, their help hardly came for free, and even if they didn't ask, Branch would have already feel indebted to them for wasting resources on his wellbeing. A Survivalist himself, he easily spotted the tight budget they were running, and felt guilty for being a burden yet again.

To his surprise, when the country trolls found out he was a hard worker, a skilled architect and wiz engineer, they completely turned their wariness around.

It was the start of his 'finding himself' journey, but for the first time, Branch started to feel... appreciated. Yes, these trolls didn't know him- but they looked at him, looked at what he can do, and called him accomplished; they were praising his skills, and called him valuable.

(But some sense of danger remained with him; as far as he believed, 'Branch' was left behind to rot away in his bunker. So when introducing himself, and habit got better of him, he started with "Bra-" but caught himself and finished "-mble"; and that new name, 'Bramble', stuck XD Still a plant name, still close enough that he can learn to repond to it- and honestly, feels like fits him better right now, as he feel all out of sorts)

It was only the first step, maybe, but it was a step toward feeling that he had some worth.

I think, out of all the Tribes, he stays with the Country trolls for the longest; yes, the life there is hard, but that is perhaps why he feels most welcomed there. There are no useless nonsense parties, no senseless dancing- the times when they can finaly wipe their brow and relax is when the community gathers together and they just... talk. Sit around, share food, look at the stars and reminiscence.

It's all very subdued, and even though Branch is the most obvious outsider ever, he feels like one with the community, and that by itself is already healing a deep wound he didnt know he had.

When the country trolls finally start singing on their good day, Branch is rather taken aback (He forgot, that Trolls are Trolls, and Trolls sing)- but the sombre and slow melody and topic of the country speaks to him, and while he doesnt join- and they dont push him to join- he listens, and he appreicates.

It is with Country Trolls that he heals most of his trauma when it comes to music. His Grandma and his Brothers leaving him are still a big guilt that weights him down- and something he wont address for a long time- but Country trolls shows him that music can be wildly different. He still doesnt sing, but when offered to be taught to play a banjo (XD), he probably doesnt refuse- mainly out of fear of insult, but also because for the first time in his life, he wants to actually try.

As time passes, his more curious side comes out- he asks questions, wants to know everything- up to this point, he didn't even know that the Country trolls were country- and to them it was obvious what they were, so why would they need to introduce themselves?

That line of questioning leads to the explanation of the other Tribes existing, and that each Tribes' music is different.

And for the first time in his life, Branch felt something alien to him- burning Wanderlust. (Bit of his Rock herritage showing, eh? Solo Rock tour, Rite of Passage~?) The thirst for knowledge was always there- after all, his bunker had many journals filled to brim with information about what he discovered in the foods, helpful tips for survival and many plans for inventions- but those were always done out of necessity, discovered and noted down so that he could live another say. Never before he had a desire to discover simply for the sake of discovering.

Never before he also actually felt like he had the option to do so; the world has always been an inhospitable wilderness to him, only filled with a small handful of trolls and a town full of monstrous giants. His childhood was filled with memory of a large iron cage, and that trapped feeling didn't change; after all, his Bunker, for all that it offered him safety, was a different type of cage too. The whole Troll Village- Pop Village, as he learned now- was another cage as well. Gilded one, made of ignorance.

And so he knew his time with the country trolls came to an end- and it was because he grew to respect them and appreciate them, that he doesnt disappear in the nigh and haltingly tells them his decision to leave and explore.

Memories of his Brothers' argument echo through his mind as he waits for the inevitable blow up, but.... he is once again surprised when the trolls just accepts this decision and wish him all the best- going as far as to help him pack- properly this time- and wheedling out of him a promise to check in once in a while, whenever he is in the neighbourhood.

Equipped with a non outdated map, he decides to make visit all the other territories one by one, starting from Country and heading right towards Classical, going around in one large circle around Pop Territory- Going to Techno after Classical, and to Rock right after that. Funk is largely a mystery to him- the Country trolls are at this point content to believe they are just a myth- much the same way a unicorn is to us- but Branch wants to keep an open mind.

After all, he himself had no idea other kind of trolls existed, so why dismiss the Funk Troll existence right away?

His travels to Symphonyville proved to be as challenging as was the start of his trip towards Country territory. Being high in the mountains- higher than anywhere Branch ever went- really showed him that walking is easy only when the road is straight and flat.

The air growing colder and thinning, he probably doesn't make the best first impression neither- especially in his dishevelled state, he is once more mistaken for a Rock Troll, and it takes a gargantuan amount of effort to convince anyone that he is simply there to learn music, and not cause any trouble.

Out of all the Tribes, he would stay with the Classical trolls the shortest. They are strict teachers, and their culture is very frigid and traditional- and Branch knows that he would have to wildly change himself to fit among them. Yet looking around, seeing the tall spires of the buildings around him, he finds he doesn't really want to. The grandiose of everything is rather intimidating- but even if he tried his best, he would never fit well among the classical trolls, always limited by something (like his ability to fly)

And realizes that was okay. That was acceptable. And that the classical trolls knew he wasn't a good fit now, and would hardly ever be a good fit ever- but they never expected him to become someone he is not. He asked them to teach him and so teach him they will- but you cant force a white sheep to grow black wool anymore that you can force a black sheep grow white.

The moment they realize Branch is there to learn and not wreck their peace like wandering Rock Trolls tend to do, they definitelly warm up to him more- but it still with the mildest of disapprovals since compared to them, Branch looks like a scrunkly kitten and all of them are just itching to groom him properly XD

Branch himself is amazed at the variety of musical instruments that exists and very quickly finds that he is not a progidy in plaing them all pff. Wind musical instruments are most likely completely beyond him, and after some attempts gives them up for a lost cause. Percussion fairs a bit better; he definitelly has some idea how to keep a beat and a rhythm, but even there he finds playing piano the most comfortable out of them all, with drums being a close second.

It is with string instruments that he trully shines, especially those that he can play with his own hands, without the need to use a pick or a bow; a tentative hint at his connection to music, the vibrations just send shivers down his spine and makes him feel more close to the sound his playing produces. (Guitar and Harp becoming his favourite instruments from the get go).

Getting to Techno was trickier. Them living underwater makes access to their territory rather impossible- unless Branch happens to meet someone willing to cross then bridge between Land and Sea XD

It makes for a rather convenient introduction for minor genres; the land bordering Classical and Rock seems to be as the perfect land for various minor tribes to cohabit in peace.

Are there Techno Opera trolls? Siren like beings, that found their homes on the deck of boats, sailing from and to an island after island? Techno Classical that built their living on the coast line, wanting to be close to both land and sea?

In any case, Branch discovers that even with music it's not so simple as shelving it into labels, and that it is ever growing, ever evolving. He never manages to actually visit Techno Reef, but he doesnt' need to; compared to other trolls, the Techno Trolls are not insular, and quite happily come to the surface or to the coast, both to vibe with the offshoots of their genre, to discover what they came up with, but also to simply make friends and have fun.

It was the first time Branch encountered a large party not unsimilar to that of a Pop Troll one- and yet for all that the party was just as loud and wild as he was used to seeing, the sight of it didnt really fill him with uncontrollable panic. It definitelly helped it was once again more about the music and the beat itself, and about the mood of the partygoers than it was about the singing; it was about experimentation and trying out new things- and yet not every troll was dancing around like maniacs. They had the stage for sure, and large crowd was gathering there- but there were also the fringe areas and corners, where Trolls just sat and chatted and bopped to the beat. Not forced to do anything they didn't want to, simply allowed to have fun in their own way.

He doesnt really interacts with the Techno Trolls that much, beyond when there is a party happening on the surface. Gravitates more towards exploring the Minor Territory, and discovering that it holds more than just Techno Classical/Opera. Not wanting to stray too close to the border with Pop, he nevertheless encounters encounters various offshoots of Pop as well- and the K-Pop gang as well

This definitelly allows him to learnt that even the Trolls Kingdom are not free of corruption and the bounty hunters are not starving for contracts- crime does happen in the troll kingdoms, and when the local police force comes short, the bounty hunters are the next best thing to employ.

Speaking with the K-Pop gang, he learns- with a bit of unease- that there was an old contract unfulfilled, that searched for all the Brozone Brothers, and thanked his lucky stars he can in no way be connected to them. It was considered a cold one, where there was no hope among the communities of it ever being cashed in- but the knowledge someone was looking for them- specifically for the younger of the brothers (Him, Floyd and Clay) made him wonder who could it be.

(Part of him entertained that it could be John Dory)

(Other part dismissed it right away. After all, JD did specifically state 'Goodbye Forever'- why would he make the effort to employ bounty hunters to find three of his brothers, if he was even alive to do so?)

That meetings seems to set of a string of bad luck- at least, that's how he feels. Continuing down to Rock territory- of which he is most wary (after all, he was constantly being confused for one, and expected to cause mayhem and destruction- so what kind of Trolls Rock Trolls were to earn that reputation?

A very specific kind- wild and chaotic.

Compared to other Territories, no-one blinks when he just walks in and continues deeper into the Kingdom; and he can finally see why he was mistaken for a Rock Troll. Muted colours, sharp smiles and even sharper claws, it was like walking into uncanny valley, where nearly every troll wears his face. At that point, unknown to him, his colours are not completely grey and black, so he is sporting some faint hues, and very quickly learns that thanks to the direction he came from, Rock Trolls think he is from an Offshoot genre; either Punk Rock or Pop Rock (though they obviously hope for the former) They reconsider him to Folk Rock when he brings out softer tunes that he plays on a borrowed guitar; and for the first time in a while, Branch is asked to sing.

He panics, obviously- playing musical instrument is one thing, but getting over his trauma from singing is another- and quite swiftly and bluntly refuses, cringing after to wait for the inevitable "You are a Troll, why don't you sing?"

Only... it never comes. There are shrugs, and one "Cool." and then he just gets invited to an Indie Rock show, and that is that.

Completely baffled at this easy acceptance, Branch agrees out of shock, before he can trully think it through- and realizes it's the first time since he left Pop Village (at this point probably nearly two years ago) that he thinks back on its inhabitants and namely Poppy.

He feels rather guilty, for taking this long to really give them a concrete thought. Like yes, he did think of them at the beginning, when he lived with the Country trolls- but that was only in general way, comparing the different livestyles. He never really chose to think about the people he left behind.

Now, no longer blinded with grief, self-loathing and rampart paranoia, he does remember that not all adults in his life went out of their way to activelly fail him. King Peppy, for all that he was unequipped to deal with Branch's issues, tried to check up on him regularly; his Grandmother's friends or those who knew her, made it their goal to be kind, even if Branch tried to avoid them out of reminder what he caused

Hype, Trickie, Boom and Ablaze were old friends- his childhood friends- the ones he made after his brothers left, and the ones he pushed away after he went grey- and yet they still managed to be around, noticing them from a distance, even as he stopped speaking to them.

And then there was, of course, Poppy.

Just starting to mature when he left, it's not quite a crush that he feels for her (not yet anyway), but there is still some sort of appreciation for her- some part of him, that subconsciously aches at the need to be close to her, and feeling just that bit of her warmth and positivity- one that made him wistfully keep all her invitations and listen to the sound of her recorded voice.

For the first time, he wonders how they reacted to his disappearence. Wonders if they miss him- or if they curse him. If they do both- like he felt conflicted towards his brothers, the older he got and the more obvious it became that they are not coming back.

It was that thought- the comparison to his brothers- that pushed him to hesitantly think about returning back to Pop Village; to his bunker, to his old life- to Poppy.

It was a tentative thought really; truthfully, the desire was a half hearted spur of the moment, and not something he would drop everything for. He didn't miss his old life; where he was the village hermit, the outcast, the weird one. Besides, he just arrived in Rock, and he still had a whole adventure ahead of him, trying to find the Funk trolls.

And so, When in Rome, do as the Romans do- and so Branch steeled himself to attend a party, one that he was specifically invited to; after all, he had been at parties before now, within the reach of Techno Reef, it's not like this one is any different

Only it kind of felt like it- yes, the music was harsher, the beat went harder- but the harmonizing of voices reminded him so close of his own tribe that it just left him feeling jittery- and at first, yes, the party made him tense and hardly participate, but as it went on, song after song, he could feel himself slowly relax.

(Besides, there was something about rock music, that send warmth straight to the core of his being; something about it resonated with him more than any other music did, besides Pop- and where before he fought hard to not allow it to do that, perhaps, just this time, he could try the opposite)

(After all, they were underground, where Branch always felt the safest, and the Bergens had no idea other tribes even existed- he could indulge a little)

Of course, fate has a funny way of entertaining itself, and in the second of his indecisiveness, he gets bumped into and trips and falls- or he would, if pair of hands didn't steady him, and familiar voice asked him if he was okay

And Branch suddenly felt altogether three years old, getting fed empty promise and watching his older brother disappear through the entry to his Grandma's pod

And he is now in present, left staring at nearly 15 years older Floyd, his brother clearly living the best life, happily away from Pop Territory (away from Branch)

His name drops from his lips before Branch can stop himself, and that has Floy pause and squint at him- obviously not recognizing him, obviously trying to place him- before something clicks and his eyes widen and he goes pale

Branch most likely punches him- and then finds he cant stop heaving in fury and goes punch him again, not allowing Floyd a word in (honestly, he is not punching very hard, not apart from that first one)

Of course, Floyd is hardly alone, probably in a band, and his band mates are not keen on having their member be attacked by a random troll

Brawl very easily breaks out- honestly nothing new among the Rock Trolls- and ends up with all of them, especially Branch, thrown in a cell for their troubles, much to the protest of Floyd's bandmates, who curses and claims innocence

For the first time in forever, Branch feels hollowed out; yes, he had been hoping for a closure- but honestly, he had expected to find all of his brothers dead; not finding any of them living happily away, their youngest brother not even a blip of concern in their mind.

He certainly never expected it from Floyd, who essentially lived a stone throw away; who clearly was able to cross the distance it took from Bergen town to arrive in Rock troll's territory, just shy away from the Pop one.

------------------------------------------------------------ This is where I will stop the musing for now XD;

Obviously there are more things to add; Barb would make appearance, not yet as a Queen but definitelly in charge of keeping any Rock Trolls in line (she is not called a Princess because the Rock Trolls don't use that title for their heirs) and while Floyd is aware she is the future Queen, that information doesnt get shared)

The discovery of Funk Trolls still awaits as well, as does Branch's return to Lonesome Flats, as he had promised to do

But that's for the next time :)

#trolls #dreamworks trolls #trolls fandom #trolls branch #wanderer!branch au #Lore #lore dump

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