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tobiasdrake · 6 months

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Examining MK1 Characters: Outworld

So, that was Earthrealm. Now for Outworld, which is in the opposite boat. This is where all of the estrogen fled to after Liu Kang declared that women were banned from Earthrealm.

Seriously, I don't know what Sonya did to warrant being unpersoned like that. Kenshi's ending even features the formation of the iconic Special Forces group from the previous timelines like, "And then Kenshi and Jax teamed up and formed their agency. That's right, Kenshi and Jax. That iconic and beloved Special Forces duo, Kenshi and Jax. Those are the names people think of when they think Special Forces. Kenshi and Jax!"

Did Netherrealm notice that people were upset about Ronda Rousey's performance as Sonya, and their takeaway is that the fandom doesn't like Sonya? Was that it? Is that why she's been banished to the mystical realm of Kameo-exclusivity?

In any case, if you want to be a woman, you gotta leave Earthrealm now. Outworld doesn't own a monopoly on women but it has absorbed Edenia's high concentration of female characters and brought most of them to the foray. Pretty much every Edenian lady is here.

Except Jade. Poor Jade.

Sindel NRS's Evil Sindel from MK11 was an extremely divisive character. You either loved her or hated her. Either she was an empowering portrayal that granted Sindel complete agency over the events that happened to her, or she was another example of taking characters created as victims of abuse and painting over them with deranged, monstrous villains. A lot of opinions were had and shared over the direction they took the previously-heroic Sindel in the reboot trilogy.

MK1 seems to have heard the criticisms, though, because they walk it back. Re-reboot Sindel is a mostly benevolent but flawed ruler who governs Edenia Outworld?

It's just Outworld now. Edenia doesn't exist anymore; Kang shunted all the good stuff about it into Outworld. Seems rude given how much of the Original Timeline Edenians' plot was about liberating their realm from Outworld, but okay. Edenia is officially decanonized.

In any case, NRS takes a crack at writing Sindel as a compassionate but flawed leader, eager to preserve peace between the realms but mindful of the potential dangers inherent to international politics and vulnerable to manipulation from those she trusts.

The genuinely complex political conflict unfolding between Earthrealm and Outworld, courtesy of mistakes made by both Liu Kang and Sindel, is the best part of the game. Sindel feels incredibly human and believable here, as both a person and a ruler.

She's also the only character in the entire game that dies, so it looks like NRS regrets how bloody they made the previous attempt at a reboot. Might seem odd for an MK game to be mostly bloodless but, surprisingly, it's pretty on-brand. It was rare for too many characters to die in the actual plots of the original Mortal Kombat series - and when they did, the sequel would generally find some way of ignoring it anyway.

Only one character dying while everyone else makes plans for what they'll do in the sequel is pretty normal by pre-reboot standards.

Mileena They keep trying to make Mileena pretty while still paying, pardon the pun, lip service to her iconic monstrous features. They tried giving her those weird, gross human lips in MKX. But the current approach, seen in MK1 and the newer Mortal Kombat film, is to have her be 100% pretty 99% of the time but she can mutate into the monster teeth for short spurts of screentime.

I don't like it. Let Mileena be hideous. Stop trying to fix her face. Female characters don't always have to be pretty.

As to her role in the story? Mileena and Kitana's relationship is one of the most underdeveloped things in Mortal Kombat. In the original canon, these two were raised together as sisters for 10,000 years before Kitana broke from their family - But the original games had so little storytelling and were so uninterested in examining Mileena as a character that very little was ever done with it. She was Evil Minion #6.

The reboot was a golden opportunity to finally explore the potential between these two characters. But they made the inexplicable decision to have Mileena literally born yesterday - while also sexualizing the hell out of her despite that. So she immediately alienates Kitana because they have no relationship. Then she dies.

So. No. Reboot trilogy was every bit as uninterested in examining Mileena and Kitana's relationship as the original.

This new timeline gives us a wildly different context for everything that Mileena is. But it also, finally, puts their relationship front and center of their characters. So, one step back, two steps forward. We get to see a profound bond of loyalty and love between the twin daughters of Shao Kahn Sindel - and without Shao Kahn's wickedness to break them apart, that bond is never shattered.

Every moment that these two are onscreen together is golden.

I have other thoughts about "Tarkat Disease" but we'll get to those when we get to Baraka. My main takeaway from Mileena's portrayal is that it's nice to finally see the dynamic between Mileena and Kitana share a spotlight in one of these games; to see Mileena handled as a character, and not just Kitana's Evil Twin/Shao Kahn's Evil Daughter.

Kitana As a consequence of no longer being the fugitive princess seeking to thwart her villainous father, Kitana's role takes a significant downgrade. She's the Kung Lao of Edenia now; It's Mileena and Kitana, there is no Just Kitana. Which is a bit of a twist given that Kitana is traditionally the true heir and Mileena's a counterfeit.

Consequently, Kitana doesn't get to do much besides hold Mileena's hand and support her, and occasionally throw hands on her behalf. Though, Kitana's the only one of her family that doesn't get a chapter, so she doesn't even get to be any good at hand-throwing. She's relegated to cannon fodder in fight scenes.

Going from Kitana Khan, ascendant supreme ruler of Outworld to Mileena's emotional support sibling and occasional Story Mode punching bag feels jarring. This may be what that stuff with Titan Kitana was thrown in to offset.

I'm okay with Kitana taking a more passive role here since it gives Mileena and Sindel, two dramatically underserved characters, opportunities to shine. But I hope they can find more for her to do in the next one. She's too beloved and popular to remain out of the spotlight for long.

(Still better than what Sonya got.)

Li Mei This character has nothing to do with Li Mei. They created a brand new original character and gave her Li Mei's name. That's what happens sometimes to D-listers. Li Mei was a character created for Deadly Alliance and then given almost nothing to do, either in that game or its sequels. So it's not surprise that they remade her from the ground up.

The new Li Mei's story is primarily governed by her relationship with Sindel. Jerrod died on her watch, fracturing her relationship with Sindel and resulting in a bitter and emotionally complicated dynamic between Sun Do's demoted First Constable and her Empress.

My favorite thing about Li Mei and Sindel's relationship is its sincerity. Neither of them are hiding anything. There's no big twists lurking. Well, there is one, and it's that a third party scapegoated Li Mei, but it wasn't Sindel who did it so it doesn't affect their dynamic with one another.

It's. Just. An emotionally intense relationship fractured by a sudden tragedy. You can feel the love that once existed between them in the fires of Sindel's grief-stricken hatred. But even demoted and denigrated and spurned as she is, Li Mei's loyalty and friendship is everlasting. This relationship is beautiful, and seeing it ultimately heal may be the biggest triumph in the game.

Tanya Tanya, the ever-traitor. Treachery is her name, deception is her way of life. Her "hat" so to speak is betraying her nation to whoever might be buying. She's the Kano of Edenia. The ultimate villain may change from game to game but if they need Edenian secrets, Tanya's the place to go.

She rebooted in MKX, where she was simply a devoted follower of Mileena. Then. Like. Fucked off. The writers have never cared much about Tanya.

MK1 keeps the part about her being a devoted follower of Mileena and tosses the rest. She's returned to where we met her in MK4: Serving the Edenian Outworld throne, but sincerely this time. Like Kitana, she gets little to do besides throw hands poorly at everyone else.

But they do ship her with Mileena. Got that whole Bodyguard/VIP romance going, which gets honed in on during Mileena's chapter. So that's neat.

Baraka Since Jade didn't make the cut, that brings us to the men of Outworld.

So. Tarkat Disease. Gonna say up front that I don't like this. I don't like boiling down a sentient race of beings into lepers. It's gross. I feel like they only did this so they had a means by which to make Mileena pretty. I don't like that.

But whatever the reason for that decision, Baraka makes out like a bandit. This is the first time in Mortal Kombat history that Baraka's been. Like. A character, rather than simply a token representative of his race. Throughout both original and reboot timelines, Baraka's simply been the Tarkatan. A character design more than a character.

It's like playing a Star Wars game where the playable characters include Darth Vader, the Emperor, Darth Maul, Boba Fett, and Stormtrooper FB-119. Who is FB-119? He's a Stormtrooper. He's here so you can play as a Stormtrooper if you want. That, historically, is Baraka.

He still is, to some degree. MK1 Baraka still engages with the plot on behalf of Tarkatans as a whole. But he also gets to be here as an individual; To tell his own personal story of who he is and how he came to be, independent of his race. That's new. That's something Baraka's never had before.

So it's easy to say that this is by far the best Baraka we've ever had. Speaking of characters defined by their race who suddenly get to be individuals:

Reptile Did you know Reptile has a name now? Because Reptile has a name now. Up until this point, he's always been Reptile. Because he is a reptile. That is how much thought previously went into this character. Reptile was his name. But now he has a name, in addition to Reptile.

Like Mileena, Reptile suffered from having a genuinely fascinating character concept drowned out by his role as Evil Minion #4. He was the last survivor of a race exterminated by Shao Kahn, raised by Shao Kahn to believe that his people were out there and to want Kahn's help to search for them.

Are you kidding me? That's amazing. You have an incredible protagonist on your hands and you're wasting him on bad guy grunt work? Reptile and Kitana should be teaming up as partners in uncovering daddy's dirty laundry!

His non-canon endings would always be like, "But then Reptile discovered the awful truth and turned against Shao Kahn!" But they never pulled that trigger. Despite his wealth of potential, Reptile wasn't a character anyone was interested in developing.

As with Mileena and Kitana, MK1 unwrites a lot of what made Reptile interesting, but also grants him the narrative focus and character examination that he's been lacking. About nine games too late, he finally gets to turn against his cruel masters and break free of the chains they've bound him with. And he finally gets a name to call his own: Syzoth.

Which has technically been his name since MKX but this is the first time it was revealed outside of questionably-canon pre-fight banter. Because this is the first time he's ever mattered as a character.

Rain Like Mileena and Reptile, Rain is a surprisingly complicated character on paper, but Evil Minion #3 in practice. The bastard son of an Edenian king's affair. An illegitimate heir to a throne that will never be his birthright, taken in by Shao Kahn as an orphan - who may or may not have played a critical role in Kahn's conquest of the realm. Man, Kahn collects talented children like he's Evil Batman.

Rain is a character with a wealth of potential but who has never had his day in the sun. Sadly, unlike Mileena and Reptile, that day is not this day. The new Rain jettisons that narrative entirely, reducing him to simply "Some guy who's good at magic". While the other two got increased narrative focus in exchange, Rain's still hanging out as Evil Minion #3.

Maybe some day, Rain. Maybe some day.

General Shao Shao. Motherfucking. Kahn. The Big Bad Evil Guy of Mortal Kombat. Writers have gone back and forth on what he is and where he comes from but make no mistake: Where he walks, the heavens do tremble.

Now he's the pissant Sec-Def who wants to fire nukes at the aliens.

That probably sounds like I didn't like this direction for him but I do. It's a plot point that Liu Kang explicitly went out of his way to disempower all of the villains. Shang Tsung and Quan Chi had their destinies interfered with and altered by Titan Tsung, causing them to become the villains they were never supposed to be able to.

But Shao? Tsung only conspired with him because it was convenient. Kang made it so Shao was born too sickly and frail to ever become the shit-stomping uber-warrior that he was, and Shao still made his way to the absolute peak of Outworld's military by sheer force of Shao Kahn-ness.

I wonder how Liu Kang felt years back, when he first heard the name "General Shao" emerge from Sindel's lips? Like. He went to so much trouble to prevent this and it still happened. And not because of extra-temporal invaders this time. Shao Kahn simply cannot be pinned down. No matter how weak you make him, he will find a way to make himself strong. That tenacity and resilience is what makes him so dangerous.

Reiko Also, Reiko is here. Another recipient of the "And X" treatment, Reiko is the other Outworld Military representative. His job is to stand next to Shao and go, "YEAH, what he said!" And occasionally get beat up so that we can have an Outworld Military guy beat up without diminishing Shao's menace.

Reiko's a good pick for Shao's "And X" partner. That's already what this character is. He does his job... adequately. Never stands out, but never falls flat.

If I had one criticism for Reiko, it's that they take him too seriously. His goofy obsession with Shao, styling himself after Shao and sneaking into his throne room to wear his helmet, all that fun stuff is absent from this portrayal. He snaps to attention, salutes, and says, "YES, SIR!" That's all there is to him.

Shang Tsung Ah, the game's main villain. I hope you like Shang Tsung because there's two separate Shang Tsungs here. Shang Tsung manipulates Shang Tsung until he inevitably betrays Shang Tsung, forcing Shang Tsung to turn on Shang Tsung and instead help to defeat Shang Tsung.

This would be an incredible satire if it wasn't played totally straight.

I'm not fond of Titan Shang Tsung, for the way he hijacks the story and forces it to abandon all of the characters and plotlines that had been developing up to that point. The big Titan free-for-all at the end was a disappointing conclusion for me, especially since it ends the game on a redo of Aftermath's ending.

But the native Shang Tsung? Much like Shao, Shang Tsung being a slippery enough worm to reach out and snatch the destiny that's been kept from him is a consistent character trait. Nonetheless, when we meet him, he's still growing and developing. He's an alchemist and sorcerer, but isn't quite the soul-hungry eldritch beast we know from other entries in the franchise.

Unfortunately, his role within the story is compromised by reference. This game wants really badly for you to notice that it's Reboot Deadly Alliance. They go hard on it. The Deadly Alliance forms up to awaken Reboot Onaga's Army like in Deadly Alliance, but then Tsung pulls the rug out from under them. So we have the Shang Tsung chapter, about the Deadly Alliance defeating Titan Tsung's forces alongside Raiden, with winking nods to how Raiden was their enemy in Deadly Alliance.

Then, after that, Titan Shang Tsung forms the Titan Deadly Alliance! DO YOU GET IT? DO YOU REMEMBER DEADLY ALLIANCE? I REMEMBER DEADLY ALLIANCE.

Like. What's the deal with all this Deadly Alliancing? Are Shang Tsung and Quan Chi, like, actually friends now or something? Even their extradimensional counterparts are attached at the hip.

Honestly, as cool as the novelty of "The Deadly Alliance is on our side now!" is, it's still just novelty. Shang Tsung is with us because Other Shang Tsung wants to kill him. But also, it doesn't matter because nothing he does once he turncoats has any consequence; Liu Kang defeats Titan Shang Tsung in a big Titan Armageddon, which the Deadly Alliance Plus Raiden's big victory has no effect on anyway.

Ultimately, the new Shang Tsung is a cool idea that winds up getting dragged down by the overarching decisions for where the story wants to go.

#mortal kombat #mortal kombat 1 #mortal kombat 12 #kitana #mileena #sindel #li mei #tanya #baraka #reptile #rain #shao kahn #reiko #shang tsung

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reginrokkr · 7 months

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For some reason my mind cooked up a new layer of complexity to warrant Dain's hyperfixation in the Abyss Order. It's an established thing of my portrayal that one of the reasons why he does that is out of regret and guilt for being unable to protect the innocents of Khaenri'ah, so no one else has to suffer the same those people did. For all it's known through subtle dialogue lines mid-battle or descriptions, the Abyss Order can't stand that the people living under the Seven don't know frick about the real thing and one of the things they covet is to shove their "truth" (they do know things, but there is a high chance that it's completely biased and distorted due to the abyssal influence) down their throats and they also want to bring back the Apocalypse and plunge everything into darkness, painting them in an uncaring light of the innocents.

Now, the new layer of complexity behind this is that I've been thinking about how a great part of the Khaenri'ahn population was most likely unaware of what has been boiling down for millennia. At least those who decided to turn their backs to the gods and move to the godless nations would probably disagree with this obsession some Khaenri'ahns had (and who later on did so much harm and for that, many innocents who weren't on the same wavelength had to pay) unless they were radicalized. In view of this and the struggle I've encountered for myself portrayal-wise, I think that another fair reason why Dain is doing this is because he doesn't want others to find themselves with the apocalyptic surprise at their doorstep without having an idea that something bad was happening, and for that he has to be a nuisance to the Abyss Order (which he's succeeding at, as even within the organization they run away from him because they know they don't stand a chance against him). He doesn't do this for recognition or fame, only so people live peacefully without having to worry about the unfairness others are pulling and that they're prone to be dragged into if something isn't done.

For this reason, I'm also going to establish that he has involvement in the Narzissenkreuz arc in what concerns René and Jakob's plans as the light of hope facing despair that the world may end. Which it most likely will if the Abyss Order remains unchecked and other forces like the two of them precipitate the world's downfall.

#◟༺✦༻◞ what lays behind the mantle of faux stars ┊ooc.┊#I'll add this to the list of canon divergences #I've been thinking about it since the first moment #I learned about their plans in more detail through 4.0 l.eaks #and I'm officially applying it

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forjustice · 13 days

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🖨 my opinions on callouts

🔑 my favorite type of threads

📫 my favorite type of ships

My opinions on callouts

Sometimes I see a callout going around and I think oh yeah that was definitely warranted. A lot of the time, I see callouts going around that I don't fully agree with or that in some aspects could have been written better but I understand the other parts. I tend not to reblog these though because when it comes to serious things like that I only want to reblog things that I endorse 100% unless I add commentary, and I don't usually add commentary because it's not the hill I want to die on. And sometimes, whether a callout is warranted or not, it will have been done out of spite--which is not something I would ever want on my blog. A lot of the time though, if a callout is very long and involves a situation I have no familiarity with--to be honest, I can't even read it. Not even because of the content or anything. It's because my brain is just completely unable to parse that much text & that many screenshots' worth of information about conflict. I also don't end up reblogging these even if I do see enough to know I should avoid the people called out because given the fact I don't reblog anything serious that I don't completely endorse, I also don't reblog anything serious that I haven't read all the way through because when it comes to accusations I am a massive stickler about seeing everything with my own eyes.

No matter what, the reason I don't feel like doing them anymore--or even trying to warn people in private as much as I used to in my now-long-ago college days--is because I've learned the hard way that no matter HOW justified your callout is, SOME FUCKSHIT is going to happen in the backlash that makes the situation a whole lot harder. I just don't have the mental capacity or the energy to get involved because callout = you get yelled at and even if I'm 100% sure I'm right I don't like getting yelled at. If one wants to do a callout it involves weighing whether the emotional toll is worth the benefits such as putting your story out there and speaking out about something important to you…Usually for me it isn't.

My favorite type of threads

As you've seen I hate getting involved in OOC drama…But I can't get enough of stirring up drama IC! One of my favorite thread types is anything involving conflict. I have a special love of petty drama type threads, heck in the past I had multiple Pokémon Contest RP events centered specifically around petty drama in the Coordinating scene and my last one even resulted in one of my characters losing his whole-ass CHAMPIONSHIP POSITION because he was a petty little shit. On the other hand, I also love hardcore serious angst--characters getting called out for their faults, villainous/morally grey muses going ham on their targets, threads touching the nerves of deep trauma or muses' deeply-held personal beliefs, horrible fights where everyone says something they regret…If anyone's looking to start a fire, I'll show up with matches and gasoline!

But of course, I can't have angst all the time. I also love seeing my muses happy and especially healing from all the horrible trauma I like to inflict on them--the endgame for all of my morally grey blorbos is finding at least some measure of redemption, healing and happiness. As such I also love tooth-rotting fluff! I haven't threaded these things yet but I have a lot of plots planned and wishlist ideas where my characters show affection and care toward those they love and they get the same back, where my muses mostly Volo engage in lighthearted mischief, where they have fun with and bond with their Pokémon--and since some of them are shapeshifters where they even get head scritches and belly rubs as Pokémon! Man, I always thought I was bad at fluff/slice of life type things because I viewed it as like "small talk" which my autistic brain cannot do, but with sweet events like @floccesyfluff-fest that I had an absolute blast at and the type of threads I'm doing right now, I think that's changing.

My favorite type of ships

I notice that over the years as my desire to write stories covers more and more characters in my hyperfixation regions (and more and more interrelations between my characters in general), I've started shipping a lot more of my characters with each other. The unavailable status of muses like my Steven/Wallace/Zinnia polycule might cause some people not to want to RP with those muses, but when I get a beautiful mental image of two of my characters together I just can't help it, I have to make them kiss LOL. I will, however, do polyamorous ships where my paired-up characters also partner up with other muns' characters in a polycule. So I think now that is my favorite type of ship! GDLSKFJDLKFJ

In theory when shipping with others my favorite type of ship is a slow burn, but in practice I usually end up not having the energy or headspace to write it all out. I usually also stumble into ships rather than approaching someone specifically to ship, which I feel is a much more natural and organic way of doing things--I don't think I've ever thought of shipping my muses right off the bat with any of my partners outside muns of muses who have canon romantic relationships with mine. Once you get to ship with me though, unless your muse doesn't want kids, it's a guarantee that I will dive straight into making fankids because honestly I love fankids as much as I love the actual ships. GASLKDFJDSLKFJASDKLFJLDASFJ

#infernalpursuit #answers to the press. || meme reply #by the moon's light. || yue speaks

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mediocrevideopodcast · 2 years

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Surprise! Or... not?

Request: Hi! i wanted to request some headcannons of the turtles realizing that the reader (gender neutral) is planning to confess to them on Christmas with a present, and they have to pretend they don't know why does the reader is acting weird before the day, and that they're surprised when it happens I hope I explained myself haha, thank you!

Pairings:

Raphael/Reader (Crush)

Leonardo/Reader (Crush)

Donatello/Reader (Crush)

Michelangelo/Reader (Crush)

Content Warnings: General Christmas talk, but otherwise, none!

Word Count: 1391

Raphael

It was a complete accident, he swears. You sent him to grab a jacket from your room, but he couldn’t find it anywhere. He searched up and down, but just as he was about to let you know that he couldn’t find it anywhere, he found a note with his name on it. His eyes raked over the letter, and quickly realized it was… a confession. He spins around, trying to figure out what to do — he can’t lie to you, but what if telling you freaks you out and you try and cover it up? What if this was somehow some other turtle named Raphael Hamato? Not likely, sure, but crazier things have happened! — and then, he finds your jacket. He grabs it from the chair, cursing himself for not finding it earlier, and rushes back out to you.

He’s just as nervous as you are in the days leading up to Christmas. He’s always wringing his hands, or rubbing the back of his neck when he’s next to you. He’s so unbelievably in love with you, and it’s hard for him to keep the secret. Eventually Leo points out both of your guys’ behavior to Raph, and he gets so flustered. He accidentally yells out that nothing is wrong, which obviously only makes Leo more suspicious. But, every time Leo tries to press it, Raph slaps him on the back of the head, so technically the secret is kept. Brothers, man.

His voice cracks so much during every interaction with you on Christmas day, and when you finally tug him to his room with the promise of one more gift, you’re half-sure that he’s gonna overheat and die. At least, that’s what you would be thinking had you not been caught up in your own head, drowning in your own feelings for him.

You get about half-way through the note before he’s practically launching himself forward, hugging you like you’d melt away if he wasn’t holding onto you. He’s stumbling over his words in joy, but you get the message.

He refuses to admit that he knew about the present beforehand, if only because that would mean admitting that he was literally throwing hands with himself in your room while trying to figure out what to do.

Leonardo

He’s such a snoop when it comes to Christmas gifts, and let’s be real, the more you try and hide this one the harder he’s gonna look for it. Especially once he notices that you’re acting a bit off in the weeks leading up to Christmas. Nothing he’s found is big enough yet to warrant such nervousness, so clearly he just hasn’t found the thing yet. And then he does. He’s ecstatic about it, and he wants this all to play out naturally. Is he completely over the moon about this? Yes. Does he regret finding it early? No. But damn, it’s hard to wait until Christmas day.

He’s excited, but he plays it cool. He’s definitely doubling down on the compliments, as if he didn’t give enough already, just to see you get flustered at the attention. Part of him was holding back a bit, just in case you didn’t feel the same, but now that he knows? He’s going all out with it. It’s so freeing to him, and it’s also very fun to see your reaction which is likely compounded due to the rapidly approaching confession day. He’s quite literally counting down the days until Christmas, now.

When the day comes, his reaction is honestly super organic. He thought he’d be able to play it cool and show his reciprocation in his own suave way, but honestly? It’s like every ounce of love comes bubbling to the surface when you tell him directly. He’s so head over heels for you, and the excitement in his voice is palpable. He’s grabbing your wrists, pulling you closer to him and peppering your hands in kisses. He’s a sweetheart, honest.

He tells you that he found out about it early… in Hell. What, you thought he’d come clean? Absolutely not. Instead, he pokes a bit of fun and says that your love for him was so obvious, that even a blind person could see it. He’s so confident about it that it actually kind of gives him away. Dork.

Donatello

Oh, he’s not falling for another one of Mikey’s pranks, no sir. Mikey somehow found out and rushed to tell Donnie, but there’s no chance in hell that he’s believing it. Especially since he’s always pushing him to talk to you about it. He very desperately wants to believe that Mikey’s being honest, that you do return his feelings and have the desire to actually be with him, but he’s not gonna set himself up for failure like that.

He’s super normal about it in the days leading up to Christmas, but he can’t deny the way his heart seems to jump into his throat whenever the topic of Christmas presents comes up. Wrapping presents with you at night doesn’t have the same air to it that it did before, and something else lingers beneath its surface. Equal measures of anticipation and hope lingers in both of your hearts.

When the morning tradition of opening presents comes and goes, he can barely hide his disappointment. This is exactly why he refused to believe Mikey — getting his hopes up is never good. But then you pull him to the lab, your backpack tossed over your shoulder as you tug him along by the hands.

You wanted to give it to him in private. When you hand over the gift, his breath catches in his throat, and his hands still, frozen in the air. It takes him a second to unwrap the gift, heart pounding incessantly in his throat. He really, really wasn’t expecting this, but God, he hasn’t felt this excited for anything in years. He reads over the words once, twice, three times before that rush of joy finally hits him, and he’s reciprocating your feelings with enthusiasm. Anyone else would have said it's uncharacteristic, and he’d agree — he always thought he’d profess his love for you in his own cool, unattached yet suave way — but you know the truth, and that excitement that bubbled from him is so completely Donatello.

He’ll deny ever knowing about your plan beforehand, and he’ll take that secret to his grave.

Michelangelo

Michelangelo, ever the mischievous one, always finds a way to sneak a peak at the Christmas presents. He can’t keep a secret for the life of him, but he’s very good at sneaking in and glancing at his presents undetected. But this wasn’t something that he was expecting, not at all. All bets are off, now.

He’s… very obvious about it in the days leading up to Christmas. He’s so ecstatic about it, and the excitement of knowing that you feel the same just fills his body to the brim with electricity. He’s caught between constantly wanting to be around you, and to stay away so as not to reveal his newfound secret. He’s a terrible liar, after all.

On Christmas Eve, he tries to pull the one gift before bed tradition with you. But something is very off — he seems much more excited about the tradition than usual, and his smile is so bright. It’s hard to deny such a happy face, so you end up giving him something else to unwrap. You’re committed to doing it on Christmas day, damn it.

But when the day finally comes, hearing the words come from your mouth just erases every worry in his brain, and it’s like he never found out about it at all. Something about actually receiving the gift, hearing the words come from your mouth, just reignites that bright flame of pure joy in his heart. He rushes forward with a hug, careful not to crush your gift, and his words are so jumbled and excited that you can barely make out his reciprocation.

He probably confesses to having snooped around in about a month or two. It’s a pretty funny story, and it later becomes something that the two of you joke around about. The situation ends up repeating itself years later when he starts trying to propose, and you accidentally find the ring. Time is a flat circle.

#rottmnt x reader #rottmnt imagine #rottmnt donatello x reader #rottmnt leonardo x reader #rottmnt raphael x reader #rottmnt michelangelo x reader #tmnt x reader #tmnt imagine

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stars-self-ships · 3 years

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Y'all wanna see how hard I can gush over Centaurworld?

First of all... wow. Ever since I had made that post about expressing interest in starting Centaurworld when the weekend rolled around, I literally could not wait until Friday night to eventually sit down and watch as much as I could until I knew I had to get to bed. I was growing more and more intrigued as to what the show held, and knew full well that, worse case scenario, that I would think Centaurworld would be 'just alright'.

Centaurworld is phenomenal, and I'm not even done with it.

As I'm writing this, I'm halfway through the series, being on the fifth of the ten episodes of the first season. With that being said, I ask anybody who intends on interacting with this post to please not spoil anything, as it's super rare that I not only find a modern animated series that I like, but am as invested in it as I am.

Centaurworld tells the tale of a warhorse named Horse that is separated from her rider after a near-fatal fall. Somehow, Horse is transported to a strange, colorful world that is inhabited by centaurs with an affinity for singing. Horse immediately wants to find a way back to her own world to reunite with her rider, but finds that it's necessary to enlist the help of Wammawink and her herd if she wants to get anywhere.

I usually don't tend to listen to a lot of music with vocals (Or partake in musicals in general), but trust me when I say that the soundtrack for Centaurworld is, no joke, exclusively made up of absolute bangers. I think my favorite musical number so far is the one at the start of the second episode, Fragile Things, which I HIGHLY recommend you give a listen.

You might also notice that in the video I linked above that Centaurworld also possesses some nice animation; I find that the fluidity of Horse's animation is absolutely stellar. Before I watched Centaurworld, I wasn't expecting the animation to look as nice as it does, and in all honesty, I think that was because of how the show's general artstyle looks.

Which, need I remind you, goes from the first image below to the image underneath it in the span of five-ish minutes.

Like, how are these even from the same show? It's amazing.

Some people aren't very fond of the artstyle of Centaurworld, and while I can understand why, I personally find it endearing and befits its whimsical world. Between the immensely creative designs of the centaurs and the really cool scenery design, I quite like how the show itself looks.

Plus, there's a great deal of facial expressions throughout each episode's runtime that are nothing short of hilarious. Just look at these.

That last one comes completely out of left field and it actually got me to laugh embarrassingly loud when I first saw it.

Centaurworld's main cast (And characters in general) is just so good, too. It's really hard to pick a favorite from the six main characters, because there's something I like about just about all of them!

Wammawink (The pink alpaca taur) is high up on my favorite list because of how caring she is as well as how expressive she can be, and Ched (The finch taur who's in the second image under the cut) has a really good voice actor and boasts an outright hilarious 'tough guy' personality. Dude's signature magic power is that he can look handsome for eight seconds. Now that's comedy.

Though my interest in watching Centaurworld to begin with would not have blossomed if it weren't for one man... or, in this instance, taur...

Zulius.

One single piece of fanart of him was all it took for me to realize that not only had I fallen for him, but that Centaurworld also warranted a watch. Legitimately every second he's on-screen, I can't help but smile like a dork. I cannot get enough of his overly extravagant and egotistic personality.

Zulius was indeed the character I was referring to in the original post I made about Centaurworld a few days ago, and I can say with full confidence that he'll absolutely be on the F/O list in a good few days— really all I have to do is finish the ten episodes to narrow down the perfect image to use for his icon and think up a tag for him.

Once I finish Centaurworld, I plan on designing a S/I for its universe— how could I not? I feel like the artstyle would be very easy for me to replicate, and before even watching the first episode I had a pretty solid idea on what my Centaurworld S/I would look like; I'm thinking it should be a taur with a fauna-based bottom half, kind of like what Glendale has. I was going to settle on a sheep bottom half, but I've got plenty of sheep-based S/Is already.

Overall, what more can I say but what has already been said by a majority of those on tumblr who have given the series a chance: go watch Centaurworld. You will not regret it.

#F/O #F/O Gush #F/O Community #Self-Ship Community #Centaurworld #Zulius #Centaurworld self-shippers I KNOW you're out there.#I say this 'cause eventually I know I'm going to need Centaurworld mutuals to go off about Zulius to lol #What's funny is that I feel like Zulius won't be the only character I F/O from Centaurworld either.#As much as I want to say who else I intend on F/Oing I'm going to hold off until I finish the series #Just in case Centaurworld for some reason... y'know... does anything to the character.#If they do I'm rioting.#All I can say that she's going to be a Familial F/O. That right there should be a H U G E hint.

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corrupt-fvcker · 4 years

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Tuesday Mornings (Javier Peña x fem!Reader)

Tuesday Mornings ( Javier Peña x fem!Reader )

Warnings: NSFW, unprotected sex, fluff, pining, curse words, arguing, soft beginning and ending, domestic life

Word Count: 5.8K... this was supposed to be 800 words.

Author's Note: this was supposed to be all fluffy and cuddly but then it turned into a smutty five thousand word treasure. i don't write smut often so pretty please tell me what you think 🥺

Rain patters softly against the bedroom window, the foggy glass striped with droplets that left transparent streaks in their trail. The heavy rainfall pelts against the roof, resulting in a heavy, rhythmic, rapping sound that incessantly echoes through the bedroom, rousing Javier from his sleep.

A gravelly groan reverberates from deep in his chest as he stretches his arms above his head, his back arching slightly as his muscles flex and his eyelids tightly scrunch shut before melting back into the plushness of the pillows. With a twinge of reluctance weighing in the back of his mind, his eyes flutter open, his blurry vision stubbornly sharpening after a few lazy moments. The bedroom basks in a dim gray light, courtesy of the dark thunderclouds looming over the city.

He feels you shift bedside him, one of your legs curling up at an angle by your side.

His eyes flit over to your side of the bed and you're still sound asleep beside him, lying on your stomach with your face buried in the pillows. And you're naked... which is, y'know, nice.

But a little disappointing because it's Tuesday and you're lack of clothing raises his hopes before he realizes its the middle of the week.

So he glances over to the alarm clock and silently prays that it isn't set to go off for another hour so that he can simply exist next to you before having to go to work and pretend that you and him are just work friends.

But he has no such luck. Ten minutes to spare before the cube-shaped clock shatters the peaceful aura of the bedroom and forces the two of you to get up from the safety of the covers and move on with the day.

Could he work with ten minutes? Honestly, probably. But he decides against it, you need as much sleep as you can get, and thanks to his horny ass, both of you fell asleep at ungodly hours last night.

Also, he's glad you're still asleep. It's domestic. Waking up beside you brings a sense of normalcy to his life, stability that only you can offer him. And he doesn't want to even admit it to himself but warmth swells in his chest every time he thinks about how lucky he is because he's the only person in the whole world that gets to wake up next to you in the morning. And he's also a little proud because you chose him. Javier Peña — the DEA agent that had a publicly bad reputation with longterm arrangements and was honestly a bit of an ass to you.

He deeply regrets the latter, because at the time he didn't have a clue that he would be absolutely smitten with you by the end of your first year in Columbia. At first, he was abrasive towards you because you were new. And even though you were no rookie, every hotshot DEA agent that tries their luck in Columbia always either discover that they're in way over their head and leaves or get killed by the end of their second month.

But then you didn't quit, and then you didn't die.

Which is a surprise. A pleasant surprise, but a surprise nonetheless.

And Javier realizes that, yeah, he's been kinda an ass to you and he should probably ease up on completely ignoring you until he's barking orders in your direction. Because if you're going to have a breakdown it might as well be because of Pablo Escobar and not a grouchy DEA agent that has had really no plausible cause to treat you like shit.

But apologizing isn't really his thing so he opted to just ignore the fact that he's been an asshole towards you for the past four months and instead buys you a cup of coffee as some sort of olive branch gesture.

Which he quickly learns is a mistake. A big one, at that.

Because you really don't like him, which is warranted because he has really only been a dick to you. And you're smart enough to realize this. You know he has the decency to at least treat everyone else in the building with some level of fairness. His manners are decent, you've seen him open up doors for passing secretaries and thank them when they drop files off at his desktop. He's confident, but he's not a cocky asshole that treats other agents like they've got a total of two and a half brain cells.

But he doesn't treat you like everyone else, he treats you like you're no better than last week's trash, waiting impatiently for the garbage truck to come lift his burden and haul you out of his life.

So when you basically tell him to go fuck himself, he can't really be too all upset about it. Because, as usual, he deserves every word of it.

So instead of getting all defensive and trying to explain himself like you thought he would, he stands silently from the other side of your desk for a few moments before nodding slowly, like he's actually processing and accepting your two-minute-long speech about how much of an asshole he is, and then he sets the cup of coffee on the edge of your desk and leaves.

He doesn't really make an attempt to interact with you after that, maybe because he's guilty about the whole situation or maybe because it's just not worth it.

You hate him, so why try to cross an already burned bridge?

So instead, he just continues on with life — chases Escobar, bickers with Steve, fucks informants, smokes a pack of cigarettes a day, and drinks a little more whiskey than he probably should. Though he does make the effort to begin treating you like everyone else, which may not mean that he's all sunshine and rainbows towards you, but he's fair. He's equal, and you appreciate it more than he realizes.

It takes a little over a month, an entire bottle of wine, and some deep contemplating before you finally decide that if Javier can treat you fairly, you can do the same. No more ignoring him when he walks into the room, no more only meeting his gaze when your eyes are narrowed into a glare, no more uttering out one-word responses to his questions. Just treat him like you treat everyone else.

Which you soon realize is not as easy as it sounds. Because the morning after you release your five-month-old grudge and you politely thank Javier when he holds open the door to the office for you, the man nearly chokes on his coffee. He stands dumbstruck in the doorway for a few seconds too long, staring at the space you had stood even though you're already halfway down the hall.

Were you messing with him? He figures, yeah, you probably were.

And if he knew better, he would've just dropped it. He should've just shrugged and continued on his life because what you thought of him really didn't matter. You didn't matter, not to him at least.

And he most certainly shouldn't let some random rookie agent distract him when he's so close to taking down Escobar.

That's all you could possibly be to him, a distraction. You didn't matter, you shouldn't matter.

But that's the thing.

Javier Peña doesn't know better. And you do matter — even if he interprets it as just not wanting to see you on the side of the road dead. Because even if you're in a little over your head in Columbia, you're still fighting just as hard as any other agent in the field. And it most certainly doesn't help that you have a set of pretty legs and an even prettier set of eyes.

So Javier comes to a few conclusions while nursing a glass of whiskey. You don't hate him; you're not completely worthless; he shouldn't treat you like you're worthless; and damn, you have some nice legs.

So instead of treating you like he treats everybody else, he treats you like he treats everybody else and then some. Which is a little bit of a step backward because you instantly notice that now he's being friendly, but you try your best not to react to his shift in behavior because it's always going to be better than him being an ass to you.

But then he asks you out.

Well, not really.

He asks you if you want to go to the bar with him and Steve after work, which is strange because he's never expressed any interest in getting to know you before. But thankfully when you politely decline his invitation he takes your rejection gracefully and returns to his own office room.

But then no longer than ten minutes later Steve Murphy pops into your office, and you don't mind because Steve has been nice to you since the very beginning and you might actually consider the two of you friends. You might've even hung out with him in the past if it didn't consequently mean spending time with his asshole partner.

Well, former-asshole partner.

And you almost smile when you see Steve but then he starts pressing you to come hang out with him and Peña after work. Teases you about being a stick-in-the-mud and not having any friends in Columbia, and then about how both he and Javier really want you to come. And you're about to kick him out of your office when he adds that he will pay for all of your drinks — you're out of booze at home and today was no walk in the park. You crack, agreeing to go to some dingy bar with two of your co-workers as long as there will be free and endless drinks.

The night surprisingly goes well. You're pleasantly buzzed but not drunk enough to share some embarrassing secrets that sober you would regret in the morning. You sit next to Steve in a booth, across the tabletop from Javier, which isn't exactly ideal because you realize the more you drink, the more you stare. But then again, you figure it was better than sitting next to him on the cramped bench.

They ask you a lot of questions, which is weird because you've grown so used to not talking about yourself after spending now six months in Columbia without making a friend besides Steve.

Does Javier count as a friend?

You decide that no, he doesn't. You're just co-workers going out for drinks. He probably didn't even want you to come, Steve probably made him ask you first because he knows that there's some sort of turmoil between the two of you.

But regardless of who wanted you here and who didn't really care, you had a good time. And it soon became part of your weekly routine, working hard from nine to at least six and then going out for drinks with Steve and Javier. And it takes a few outings but you finally decide that your friend's list could double into two by adding Javier.

But then one night Steve brings Connie along and somehow that changes everything. Because it's no longer three work friends drinking together to forget the troubles of the workday. Now it's a married couple and two single idiots sitting side-by-side in a cramped booth. And it no longer felt like going out to a bar for drinks, now it felt like an awkward double-date.

And if Javier didn't feel the same tension that had your muscles rigid and your grasp around the amber beer bottle tight, he certainly did when Connie gestured between the two of you.

"So how long have you two been together?"

Steve chokes on his beer, droplets dribbling down his chin and Connie jumps at his reaction, you and Javier both frozen like deer in headlights.

You try to save the evening, you really do. "We're, uh— we're just— not together..."

Connie quirks a confused brow. We're just not together?

Javier's brain seems to start working a few seconds too late.

"We're not together," he clarifies, his voice sounding surprisingly impassive despite his strained posture.

You pray that the bar is too dim for Connie and Steve to see how mortified you were, and thank god Javier was too busy staring off into the distance and nursing his beer to crane his neck to look at you. Though you weren't totally saved because both Steve and somehow Connie could see how fucking humiliated you are, but they spare you the mercy to not say anything or, heaven forbid, stare.

And thanks to Steve's small talk and Javier's decision to leave the booth to go hit on some brunette making eyes at him from the bar, the night resumes as normally as it could've gone. Steve and Connie leave together, Javier leaves with the brunette, and you leave with a headache because you had a little too much to drink.

The next few days are off. Steve apologizes in private for any discomfort that Connie's comment caused you, even though you assure him that it's fine because it's really no big deal.

And you believe it because it was just a simple mistake and Javier didn't seem to care, which consequently means that you don't care.

But that's where you're wrong, about both statements actually. Because firstly, Javier did care — he cared a whole lot, actually. And secondly, Connie had only said something because Steve had been telling her how he thinks the two of you are going to get together for months now. And when Javier and you sat beside one another and talked together with such ease and chemistry, Connie had assumed that the two of you had finally gotten together and that it was a double-date.

But none of that mattered now because Javier wasn't talking to you. He was giving you the classic cold shoulder treatment like you had done something wrong. Reverting back to his old ways of treating you like a piece of shit because Connie had made a mistake. Could you possibly negotiate him redirecting his disdain and resentment towards her? Probably not.

And after an entire three months of being treated like absolute garbage, the tension between you snapped, like a tautly drawn back bowstring just before the release of an arrow.

You followed him out of the building when he got up to leave, the two of you being the only agents left in the office. When you called out his name just before he unlocked his car door, his head dropped back as a frustrated groan heaved from his chest.

That only pissed you off a lot.

"What the fuck's your problem, Peña?" You snarl, marching up to him, eyes narrowed into a threatening glare. You're not entirely sure what possessed you, but the next thing you know you're so close to him that you can feel his controlled breaths fanning against your face as he stares down at you with an expression of indifference — staring down at you like you're not even fucking there.

"Go home," he drawls out dismissively through an exhausted sigh, the keys in his hands jingling as he turns unlocks his car door. "We've got a long day tomorrow."

"Oh, fuck off," you snap, your fury raising in your stomach like a swelling ocean, growing and building itself up until it crashes down on your trembling form.

He shifts, the keys in his hands forgotten as he slowly turns on his heels to face you. "What's your problem?"

Your jaw drops, because he has the audacity to ask you what your problem is? No, he's out of his fucking mind.

"No, what's your problem?" You retort, jabbing your finger into the firm muscles below his shoulder as you gradually lose more and more of your self-control. "You've been treating me like a piece of shit for the past three fucking months. What the hell did I do to you? I thought we were friends but now you act like you want nothing to do with me."

Your words are harsh, tone hardened, and confused. Javier can hear it in your voice and it makes his heart ache, but as soon as you touch him — index finger pressing against chest — his resolve shatters.

"Don't touch me," he utters lowly, his once impassive expression morphing into a darker glare.

You shove him, which is a little disappointing because he doesn't fucking move. Doesn't even stumble back half a step, your actions only hardening his glare. "No, you don't get to fucking ignore me. You don't get to treat me like garbage. And I'm not gonna stop until you tell me why you hate me so fucking much."

"Jesus," he scoffs, his head dipping back as he takes a step back and eyes flitting to the sky like you're some ridiculous, immature child that he can't wait to get rid of. There's a pause, his chest heaving up and down. His hands are on his hips as his eyes avoid your stare, he doesn't want to escalate the situation further. He doesn't need to make an even bigger scene. He doesn't need to create yet another memory that plays on his head in a loop, distracting him every minute of the day. This is the last thing he needs.

After a moment he sighs, dropping his head and breathes for a moment. And as you see his hostile composure shift, you feel the storm of rage that you're drowning in lessen.

"I don't hate you," he answers lowly, his eyes still settled on somewhere other than your face. "Just... just don't take it personally."

You shake your head, your voice just as angry but quieter. "No. Not taking it personally was when you didn't talk to me for my first four months in Columbia because you thought I was just some dumb rookie."

"Look..." He's drained, weakened, and has little fight in him left. And he can see how you're trying to stop yourself from crying, he can hear your throat straining from holding back a sob that's painful trying to rack through your chest. He can see how much pain he's caused you, and he knows that you deserve none of it. "We should just... stop."

Your eyebrows raises. "What?" It's merely a whisper, the malice in your tone melting away as a wave of confusion crashes down on you.

Javier ignores the pang of hurt that sears through his heart at the sound of your voice. "We— we shouldn't... it's better if we're not friends."

You swallow thickly, your tongue heavy in your mouth. "What do you mean?" You ask, unsure of yourself.

"Just..." he tries, his hand running over his exasperated features as he struggles to string a sentence together. His mind is blank, any words rising in his brain not seeming right and leaving him scrambling for a single coherent thought. It's embarrassing being speechless when you're staring up at him with wide, glistening eyes. He's never rendered speechless, nobody has ever made him feel so helpless. He isn't sure when his smooth composure cracked, words came so naturally to him. He could charm the shoes off of anyone else.

Fuck, when did it become so hard to speak?

Probably when he realized you weren't like everybody else.

He forces himself to speak because if he's quiet any longer he's scared you're going to give up on him and leave, even though that's what he should be wanting. He should be hoping that you just learn to distance yourself from him, even if it ruins him. And he has a feeling that if you tear yourself away from him it'll ruin you too, but only for a little while. You'll move on, heal over time no matter how much it hurts now, you'll learn to be okay without him.

Or maybe you won't, you may never get the chance to learn to live without Javier Peña. Maybe the cruel universe would consider it an act of mercy to kill you before you ever got the chance. Maybe you'll get gunned down by one of Escobar's men or die in a car crash on your way home from work. Or maybe Javier will finally slip up and get himself killed. He's not exactly sure what will happen to either of you, but he knows it's bound to happen.

With this job, it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when.

Fuck.

Speak, you fucking idiot.

His feet shift against the blacktop, gravel crunching beneath the soles of his boots. His hands are still firmly placed on his hips, his eyes finally tearing away from the streetlight shining in the distance to look at you.

His gut clenches, chest tightening. "It'll be easier if you hate me."

Oh.

You don't need to ask what exactly would be easier if you hated him. You know the fears that plague every DEA agent's mind. You live your life in the line of fire, the closer people get to you, the more likely they're going to get shot.

But something breaks inside of you, shatters into a million pieces. A part of you that cannot be repaired, no matter the amount of tape or glue.

You slowly drag a breath of air into your lungs, trying the shake the heavy feeling that was going to suffocate you as you stare into his eyes. And you know your bottom lip is quivering and tears are threatening to spill from your eyes.

"But I don't hate you."

And I don't think I ever could.

Your words crack through a broken whisper, and you almost cry at the confession because it just hurts so damn bad.

Javier darts his gaze away from you, knowing that if you start crying he's going to break.

"Then you need to stay away from me," he replies, his voice low but firm. He keeps telling himself that he's not going to lose this argument, he's not going to be selfish and ruin you both for good.

"Why?" You inquire, stepping forward. His eyes flit over at your sudden movement, watching you cautiously as you invade his space one more. "I don't see you pushing Murphy away."

Javier huffs out a soft scoff. Maybe he would've even chuckled at your comment if he was able to breathe. "You know you're not Murphy."

Well, no shit, you're not Murphy. You're not some six foot two blond from Tennessee with a wife and kid.

"What does that even mean?" You sigh, your eyes squinting from a mixture of exhaustion and confusion.

Javier faintly shakes his head, almost disapprovingly. "Don't do that. Don't act like you don't know you're different."

Threads of your patience snap, and you force yourself to not let your calm composure to crack and crumble under the flames smoldering in your chest.

"Why do I have to be different?" you reply sharply, though Javier can hear that your anger is more directed towards the situation than at him.

Because I'm not in love with Murphy.

Fuck, shut up, Peña.

"You just are," he answers eventually, maybe an eternity later.

Well, that's not fair.

"Why?" You muse quietly, and Javier's brain short-circuits. Because have you always been standing so close to him? He can fucking smell you from a here — some floral perfume that makes his head spin and his knees buckle, though he can't help himself from wanting to bury his head in the crook of your neck and breathe you in.

He has to crane his neck to look down at you, and his pulse quickens once he realizes that all he has to do is lean slightly forward on his toes and he'd be kissing you. Your eyes are no longer clouded with tears and the anger in your voice has melted. Your calm, which is new, but it doesn't make it any easier to look at you. Because you're gazing up at him with eyes that reflect the night sky and he thinks he's about to pass out.

And it takes him a moment to remember that you've asked him a question.

Why? Why are you different?

Why does he distance himself from your soft touch? Why does he avoid your curious stare? Why does he have the urge to leave the room whenever you enter it? Why does he only offer you half-assed responses and quips? Why does he refuse to look at your even though all he ever thinks about is your sweet face? Why does he let himself fuck whores when he keeps letting your name slip from his lips? Why does he allow his gaze to linger and trace every outline of your face after you've turned away? Why does he wake up glistening with sweat and a painful ache between his legs because he fell asleep thinking about you?

Fuck. He wants to kiss you right now.

Why does he want to kiss you right now?

"Javier?" You breathe out, still waiting for him to speak even though you are starting to understand his silent answer.

Javier doesn't remember hearing his name softly drip slip from your lips in a whisper. He doesn't remember his hand shaking as he lifts it to cradle your cheek. He doesn't remember the calloused pad of his thumb brushing against your cheekbone as you softly shudder beneath his touch. He doesn't remember gazing into your eyes like he's looking up into the summer night sky, stargazing. He doesn't remember the shaky breath the leaves your lips as his thumb drags lower to graze your plush bottom lip. He most certainly doesn't remember leaning forward on his feet and capturing your lips with his.

His lungs constrict and he's kissing you — desperately, touches drowning in need as the taste of you floods his senses.

But fuck, you're kissing him back. And your tongue is pressing into his mouth, practically purring as your hands rake through his hair.

And you're not entirely sure how the conversation ended with you kissing Javier Peña like you were trying to devour him whole, but he doesn't seem to be complaining as he picks you up with a small grunt and lays you down on the backseat of his car without breaking away from you once.

He's breathing is frantic, grabbing at your blouse and tugging it off of you before your arms are even extended above your head. Your lips part from his with a loud smack and you whine out in pure want, squirming as his mustache tickles the swell of your breasts as his head dips down and sucks a purple mark into the plush flesh that spills from the bra cups. Your stomach is churning with lust and desire as the thought of him burns into your memory like a hot iron searing through flesh.

"Hermosa," he calls out through a heavy breath that ghosts against your collar, his sinful hands groping your chest draws out airy moans. His cock is hard and leaking, the arousal the settled in his belly is burning through him like a wildfire.

Fuck, you're touching him and it's shaking his mind to shambles. Your hand rests on the nape of his neck as he pulls your bra down to run his hot tongue over your taut nipples, your other hand weaving through his dark hair and tugging.

"Javier," you keen, your back arching off the leather seat as something inside your bursts. You rock your hips forward, desperate to reveal the tension that had coiled in your stomach. "I need... I need—"

"I know," he grunts because he needs the exact same things. He's panting, quivering, shuddering out broken breaths between kisses as he hovers over your trembling body. "Fuck, baby. I know."

Then it's like his mind goes on autopilot, acting on pure instinct as he fumbles to unclasp his belt and yank the front of his jeans down far enough so that he can take his weeping cock out of its confinements. His hands then find their way to your pants, hesitating to make sure you still want him but you're one step ahead, already pushing your pants and panties down in one harsh movement.

But as soon as he looks down at your naked lower half, his daze is snapped in half like a twig and his mind spirals out of control as he realizes that he needs you right fucking now. And you're no better, tears prickling your eyes as you beg him to fuck you in the back of his Jeep.

And even though he craves to taste your wetness on his tongue, he thinks he's going to die if he doesn't fuck you this very instant. He can't stop himself from lining his cock up with your entrance and applying the slightest bit of pressure, relishing in the needy moan that echoes throughout the cab of his car that makes pre-cum drip down the base of his cock.

"Javier." You're chanting his name like a prayer, like he's your sweet salvation. Your hands squeeze his shoulders as your head lols back before one drops to find his, lacing your fingers together to anchor yourself. He's hovering about you, one quivering arm propping his body up while the other is holding yours — he thinks he's about to explode.

"Please fuck me."

Then he's spreading you open, pushing inside of you with one slow and deliberate stroke. You squeak at the tightness, the full feeling that stretches your walls and makes you shudder. Javier's head drops to the crook of your neck and presses a chaste kiss to the pulsating skin, pausing momentarily so that you both can catch your breath.

And as you ask him to finally move, all coherent thoughts as ripped from his mind. All he knows is that he's thrusting into you like he's going to die if he stops. You're going to kill him.

I'll die if you stop. You don't know if you actually said it aloud or if it was only an echo of a thought in your ruined mind.

Neither of you last long, which isn't much of a surprise at the state you're in. Though Javier feels weird because he has some weird sexual reputation and he nearly came in his pants when he was only kissing you. And he wanted to draw it all out because he's secretly scared that you'll never talk to him again after this, even though that's what he originally wanted. But now that he's finally gotten a taste of your lips, he's drunk off your touch and addicted to it. He doesn't want you to leave and pretend that none of this ever happened. He doesn't even know if you like him in the same way he likes you—

No, fuck, he loves you. He loves you and doesn't even know if you like him enough to allow him to take you on a proper date.

So when he asks you if you want to get drinks with him on Friday, skin sticky with sweat and chest sill heaving as he helps you dress, he's surprised when you agree with a coy smile. And he huffs out a small laugh when you teasingly ask if you should expect Steve to tag along or if it's a legitimate date.

And honestly, the following months are a blur — filled with wandering hands, lingering shared gazes, and hot kisses. He can't control himself after the torturous ten long months he spent waiting, ten months of longing and yearning for your touch while he pushed you away.

All that matters now is that you're fast asleep in his arms on a rainy Tuesday morning. Your cheek is squished against his bare chest and he knows that the dark hairs that litter his torso are probably tickling your nose, but you don't stir once your arm is lazily draped over his middle.

And he can't help the dopey smile that tugs at his lips when you nuzzle even closer, still stuck on the thought that you somehow managed to fall in love with him.

"You're warm," you mumble mindlessly, voice heavy with sleep.

Oh, you are awake.

"Have to get up soon," he replies, though his words don't seem fitting as he tightens his hold around your waist and drags you up his torso so that he can tuck your head beneath his chin.

And for a split second, Javier thinks that you've fallen back asleep because he's learned the hard way that you are by no means a morning person. Your heartbeat his soft against his chest and your breathing pattern returns to a slow and silent pace.

"Call in sick," you suddenly murmur as you squirm a bit before stilling.

Javier breathes out a soft chuckle, his breath ghosting over the top of your head. "We can't both call in sick," he refutes lightly, even though the offer is very tempting.

"Fine," you utter before tilting your head up to look at him with dreamy eyes. And as your eyes land on him, Javier remembers just how beautiful you are and how much he really wants to stay in bed with you. "Then you call in sick, I'll play hooky."

A dangerous game, it's hard to keep a secret relationship a secret when there's a pattern of both parties missing work on the same days.

Though, apparently, the game is all too tempting. Because as soon as you lean up to press a gentle kiss in the crook of Javier's neck, he finds himself reaching for his phone.

"Wanna make me breakfast?" You eventually ask through a coy grin, peering up at him through your thick lashes as he ends the call.

He rolls his eyes, a playful gesture that you don't take seriously in the slightest. "You're ridiculous," he answers grumpily even though you both know he's going to cave and make his specialty of coffee and eggs.

"But you love me anyway," you reply smugly, pushing yourself up on your elbow to peck a chaste kiss to his lips. Javier's hand comes up to cradle the back of your head, pulling you closer to deepen the kiss. You can't stop the moan that slips from you breathlessly as his tongue parts your pursed lips.

It's safe to say that neither of you gets out of bed for another hour.

----

tags (let me know if you want to be added): @yespolkadotkitty

#smut #corrupt-fvcker #javier peña #javier peña x reader #pedro pascal #javier pena x you #self insert #reader insert #narcos #fanfic #fanfiction #narcos fanfic #my writing #spicy

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pechebeche · 3 years

Note

Sorry, I should be clearer. You don't have to post this. I did see the 'callout' but I didn't know them. I thought the Ace Discourse takes were non-issues but then I saw the part about antiblackness and thought, "OK, I see where they got that from". And at the time it looked like someone had informed you but you were ignoring it. If they didn't, and you weren't, that's a different story. I'm sorry you were harassed, I don't agree with that. But you did seem unaware of why it came across so bad.

alright. i am going to outline the two major accusations i think you're talking about - one of which was completely off the wall, and one of which actually was a good critique of my actions, which was then mixed in with all the other accusations.

the first was that i defended a slavery au. that's fucking insane. i never did that. what i DID was not block a user who had created one and later apologized, because the only person who talked with me about it was anonymous. i was not quite as suspicious of anons then as i am now, but friends of mine had been the victim of abusers twisting genuine mistakes and co-opting activist language to isolate and turn people against their victims, so i had a policy of not doing anything based on an anon's word alone, since i couldn't check their credibility. i instead said that i would follow the lead of poc in the community, which i later did by blocking the artist.

in retrospect, it was my whiteness that allowed me to give them the benefit of the doubt that their initial au was a mistake and that they might deserve a second chance. that was not my call to make. it is also, in large part, because i gave literally everyone the benefit of the doubt. i gave genuine responses to an anon who said i was 'playing the sexual trauma card' three times before i realized they wouldn't listen. that doesn't justify it, though, and was a character flaw as a pushover just as much as it was racist. i was wrong for that.

(as a side note, the anon later cited this discussion on twitter as proof i had 'talked over and refused to listen to' a person of color, as if....i just. had some sort of Spidey Sense that tingled when an anon was white. i still pretty firmly believe that a lot of that discussion came from a basic, widespread misunderstanding of what anonymity fully entails, but that's a conversation for another time.)

the other major accusation is one i will freely admit, as i always have, was a fully warranted and credible one in its original form. i had been commissioned to write a kingston/kugrash fic, and there had recently been a rash of discussion that i had never seen beforehand about the ship being disliked. i was uncertain whether it was inherently racist, and thus if i would need to back out of the project and refund the commissioner, or if this was just a personal issue that people had.

without knowing more about what the problem was, it was hard for me to google 'problematic rat curse shipping' with hope of any actual answers, so i asked an open question about what the specific problem was on twitter (which i did, to my little credit, clarify several times throughout the conversation that no one was obligated to respond to or engage with, and that i was certain the fault was mine for ignorance). another user very kindly and patiently explained to me the importance of canon interracial ships that don't involve white people. i asked what i, at the time, thought was a clarification question about the lack of non-het characters of color to ship in interracial relationships, but what in retrospect was very much a defensive attempt to push through the issue with as little change to my actions as possible. they rightfully called me out on being performative; i apologized and promised to look back on the conversation later and reflect on it.

i learned after the fact that the other person involved was a minor, and upon learning it, immediately deleted all of my part in the conversation. i don't regret that. my memory of that time is too fuzzy to know whether what i said would have damned or aided me, but ultimately, that doesn't matter at all in comparison to making sure that user wouldn't face any of the harassment that i later did. they're one of the other people who i really, truly believe was well intentioned, and whose advice i still take very seriously when reflecting on my actions.

the call out post was made the next day. it was possible to frame it as my 'being informed but ignoring it' by utterly distorting the context of the first accusation, and thus being able to use the second, much more credible accusation to prop it up as more legitimate. i am not going to pretend i didn't make mistakes, because i did, and i will continue to. but i wanted to, and was willing, to learn. i think the fact that i still tried to parse genuine criticisms from harassment even as i actively regressed to my lowest points, and am still trying to more than a year later, is evidence of that.

in the end, though, the veracity of the racism accusations wasn't actually the root of the poster's hatred of me. (i actually recall making a post at the time stating that when i talked about people harassing me, i specifically was not talking abt critiques of my racism, and that i was grateful that people were calling me out and forcing me to adjust my perspective. there was a very clear distinction between people trying to educate me and people trying to hurt me.) what they hated about me was that i wrote nsfw fanfic about aged up characters, and that, when told that this made people uncomfortable, promised to make it easily blockable for them, but did not outright remove them, because i felt that as i was writing about adults in a consenting relationship and the pieces were largely a proxy for delayed-by-trauma exploration of my own sexuality, i didn't feel there was anything inherently immoral about them. thats what they hated me for. that's why i was called a pedophile and a bitch and had my chosen name mocked widely. the poster stated outright thats why they hated me. the accusations of racism were, i believe, largely to pad the post out for people who wouldn't hate me for that alone.

#asks #anon #long post #ask to tag #obvious disclaimer im a human being and thus my memory naturally distorts over time to paint myself in the best possible light #in the same way that im sure the memories of the people who harassed me have largely reframed themselves as Innocents Trying To Inform #i acknowledge that. theres nothing i can do about it. i can say that anything in this post is something that i can confidently say #that multiple third parties can confirm occurred. my opinions are mine but my statements were public #i dont know why tumblr didnt save that last tag when i posted this. tumblrs a functioning website

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inessencedevided · 4 years

Text

The Untamed, episode 25 - watching notes

This is what i got for Easter. An Egg-cup with a "no drama lama" on it :D I will be completely disregarding it's good advice and keep on watching these dramatic gay bitches

Also, when I told my mum that I'd go and watch another episode of the untamed, she said "ah, the show with the beautiful men". I did not correct her. :D

I got some tissues ready, as to the advice of several people 😅

I love wwx with kids :)

And is that genuine smile I spot there? :')

I love jc's little "what was I supposed to do about it" shrug to wwx :D

Jin Zixuan isn't that terrible (he really did get some growth in during and before the sunshot campaign), but I think I'm rather in line with wwx and jc that just because he's not terrible, doesn't mean he's good enough for Shijie

But then again it is her decision and I'm really glad that wwx and jc don't even try to persuade her in any direction. With his patriarchal this society is structured that seems anything but self-evident

Okay, Jin Zixuan's little outburst of genuine joy at her acceptance is kinda cute

I think we just fast-forwarded to the night hunt

Wwx's excited wave at his sister! 😭

Everyone looks already done with this party before it even really started

Lan Wangji even has his eyes closed at some point, like he's slowly counting down from ten :D

Holy shit! Well, fuck you too!!!

(I know I said I wouldn't curse but this warrants cursing and nothing else!)

Seriously???? They're now using political prisoners as targets in a tournament???

Okay, they're not targets. They're human obstacles before the target. Not much better

Me @ jin Zixuan

Okay sorry, but when that other Jin guy started bragging all I could think was "okay, we get it. Now stop your dick-measuring-contest and do something useful" 😒

I'M SCREAMING! Did wwx just actually asked for lwj's headband in front of everyone??? He might as well have started snogging him right then and there 😂😂😂😂

Lan Wangji doesn't even dignify that with an answer :D

Wwx .... he doesn't even have a bow

Okay, blindfolded

Okay, there's the bow

That was ... so hot

Perfect gif for wwx, btw

I feel this is going to bite him in the ass later, but for now I'm glad to see jin Guangyao and jin Guangshan humiliated :D

Also, lwj microexpressions are everything here 😏

And wwx, looking at him like a little puppy. See, see, see? I performed the trick! 🤩

Lol. Wwx just killed it so much that they just cancelled the whole opening. I feel like it's kind of indicative of his role going forward. A rupture in the system.

I just legit cried when wwx played his flute. Somehow, with forest reminding me a bit of Austria, it made me really homesick for the Alps. :')

Wwx looking so excited for a second to see lwj, but then deflating as he remembers lan Xichen's words is too much. 😥 Sweety, I'm sure he wants to know. You don't have to bear it all alone 😔

Aaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!

He wants to share your love song with you and you push him away on purpose you STUPID HERO!!!!

I never want to see that expression on lan Wangji's face again! 😭

I took a screenshot. See what I mean???

He opened up! Lan Wangji, mister stone-faced-and-sturdy opened up!!! And got rejected!!!

Also, with your flirting and the headband line earlier, you're sending really mixed signals here, wwx!!

And wwx regrets it instantly :/

The life-long confidant line 😭 (also, confession, I've seen a post stating that this could also be translated as "soulmate", which... highnhg)

"I still am" *clutches chest*

Please tell me they kiss during this scene in the book!!!! (Actually don't because spoilers, but still ...)

2 minutes of longing staring later ...

Oh Jin Zixuan, you daft idiot 🤦‍♀️ not everything is about you

Not that wwx is making things better right now...

Protective lan Wangji to the rescue!

Oh, I like madame Jin!!!

I appreciate wwx's concern for Yanli, but COULD YOU PLEASE NOT SOEAK FOR YOUR SISTER, SHE HAS HER OWN MOUTH! THANK YOU!

Sorry ... I know he specifically forced the clans to listen to her instead of deciding over her head.

Soooo ... wwx snapped 😬

Wangji and Shijie calming him down gives me all the feels 😭 I hope we see more of them working together. Despite their different personalities I feel they would get along well.

"There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man." Make that woman and apply it to Shijie. That icy anger in her gentle face? You should be terrified

Also, I just wanted to point out that during this 5 minute scene, with several different people speaking, Lan Wangji's eyes haven't left wei Wuxian even once

Yanli: "it's not his fault you can't hunt the prey." Oh SNAP

I'm so proud of Yanli right now :')

Jin Guangyao... at this point I feel a sense if dread when he appears. Though I am interested what he and Lan Xichen were doing alone in the woods

Wait FIVE THOUSAND participants? 😳

Where were they during the opening ceremony? They didn't hire that many extras for sure

Jin Zixuan is about to confess his feelings and immediately starts to get an audience. I love how, in this show, there's no drama without spectators 😂😂😂

I feel almost bad for him

Jiang Cheng is way too late to the party

If these cultivators weren't zo gossipy 90% of the drama of this show could be avoided, I swear

Could you please not listen to them Jiang cheng? 🤦‍♀️

*fist clench of suppressed man-pain*

Wen Qing! My love! 🥺🥺🥺

"I want to bring a man to cloud recess." That's basically lwj confessing he has a boyfriend to his brother, right? Right?

Meanwhile Lan Xichen, internally: finally 🙄

My heart

The tenderness in his voice when he says "bring him back and hide him there."

Lan Wangji must be terrified for wwx at this point. I'm kind of bewildered that all his efforts at this point seem to be centred around wwx. Like, I knew this ship would be intense, but ... whoa

What a beautiful scene to end an episode on :)

Also, to take stock. I did need the tissues, but only once and not during a scene that many people would, I think. I'm bracing myself for the next couple of episodes now

Also, I'm now half-way through the show. I both want to get through it quicker and prolong this experience to make it last longer. What a strange feeling 😅

@sweetlittlevampire @fandom-glazed @elenirlachlagos @allhailthedramallama @luckymoon @kyrrahbird 💚🐇💚

#sophie watches the untamed #the untamed #wei wuxian #wwx #lan wangji #lwj #wangxian #lan xichen #jiang yanli #jiang cheng #jiang siblings #wen qing #jin zixun #jin zixuan #jin guangyao #jin guangshan #jgy

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lionheartedqlf · 4 years

Conversation

text || Faberry

R: [233AM] It was easy to forget.

Q: [300AM] I'm sorry.

R: It doesn’t matter now.

R: How was dinner?

Q: It does to me.

Q: It was good. I guess.

R: Okay. I just needed to get that off my chest.

Q:Can I ask why you still wear it, or is that something better left alone?

R: I love you.

R: That’s why. It’s the only thing I have left of you.

Q: Oh.

R: If it makes you uncomfortable I can throw them away.

Q: DON'T

R: Ok

Q: Sorry. That wasn't supposed to be in all caps. And I'm sorry for the voice I took with you earlier too. It just slipped out because I still hate hearing you talk about yourself like that. But I know that's not my place anymore and I need to remember that. Because that won't be my place until I've made up for so much more than I think even you know.

R: I was saying what feels like the truth.

R: You wouldn’t have taken that tone with me in the first place had you believed it wasn’t warranted.

R: We can go back and forth all day on who hurt the other more.

R: I think we’re not meant to go there.

Q: I still do not have your consent to dom you and that is what I am apologizing for. Because we both know what that tone means and I am not your dom, you are not my sub, and as such I was out of line. For which, I am sorry.

R: I accept your apology.

R: Like I suggested, I can just throw them away.

R: It’s clear I’m holding onto them and I shouldn’t be.

Q: I don't want you to throw them away. You can if you feel you need to, but believe me, it is not what I want. But whether you know it or not, I was a bad dom to you. And until I can sit down and explain to you why I feel this, until I can apologize to you and make amends, I do not even remotely deserve to have you associate me with such. But that does not mean that, when all is said and done, I do not wish to be given a second chance.

R: I was bad to you in general. I’m trying to be better.

Q: I wasn't good for either of us and maybe you weren't either, but at least we're both working on it, apart.

Q: I hate to admit it, and if you ever tell them I said this I will purposefully buy a sheet of gold star stickers and burn it JUST to send the video of it to you, but your dads were right, to do what they did with us. To interfere.

R: That was not a very nice thing to say!

R: I’m going to plead the fifth.

Q: But you get my point, which is what counts.

Q: It's just something I personally feel, though pleading the 5th ONLY protects you from self-incrimination so... things to consider.

R: I’m not sure I could incriminate myself more than I already have. I’ve been doing nothing but owning up to my failures and mistakes.

R: They didn’t have to make you leave me.

Q: You and me both. You and me both.

Q: Yeah, they did. NOt because of you, but because of me.

R: I don’t know what to say to that.

R: I should be sleeping but I can’t stop thinking about you.

Q: I'll explain later, it makes more sense in context of everything I know now.

Q: I should also be sleeping, but not sleeping because I'm thinking about you is common.

R: Fine.

R: I know that feeling.

Q: Believe me, it's not the kind of conversation one can have over text. OR so says my sponsor...

Q: Would me not texting you help?

R: I’m not asking you to text me anything. I was simply complying.

R: I just found out for myself you’re actually alive. I don’t know what I want right now.

Q: I know, but I've learned telling people the reminders I need to keep for myself is helpful in actually getting them to stick. Accountability and all that. Still not that great with it.

Q: Okay. Well, I'll be here, if you still want to text.

R: I get it. I try and do the same.

R: There’s no such thing as great

Q: Yeah but saying "not that great" is better than "completely terrible" so... little things.

R: You’re right. Thanks.

R: Little things turn into big things to be proud of most of the time!

Q: Yeah, they do. Doesn't matter how big the step is, as long as you're making it in the right direction.

Q: Which is why "12 step program" is a misnomer

R: Seems misleading and stressful

Q: I mean, it's 12 sets of things you should do but it's more like floors of a building and each stairwell is located in a different place on each floor, cos each individual "step" tends to have a lot of little parts and then you have to navigate from the end of that "step" to the next one and it's not always the easiest thing to do.

Q: So, yeah, it can be stressful.

R: So it’s not really 12 steps?

Q: It's like those math questions with like parts a through f or whatever. It also isn't the best system as it's highly biased and religious but I like parts of it.

R: Sounds frustrating. To me anyways.

R: That’s all that matters though, that you like it.

Q: My sponsor is cool. He only abides by the idea of knowing you've got problems, doing what needs doing to help yourself heal, and making amends to those you hurt along the way, and then working to keep from backsliding and if you do, knowing how to move forward from that. It's less stressful and more open minded.

R: Sounds like exactly what you need.

Q: It is

R: How was the day?

Q: Lazy, mostly. Yours?

R: What does lazy mean to you?

R: Busy but in a good way

Q: Video games, some reading, music, a trip to the gym. And now Netflix with my cat.

Q: That's good.

R: I knew it wasn’t actually lazy.

Q: I don't know how to do proper lazy since getting clean. So, I improvise.

R: I like it.

Q: It's nice. I actually do Zumba, keeps me from overdoing it at the gym. It's fun, but I'm the only guy.

R: I do yoga for that reason.

R: It sounds fun though. I’m sure all the girls stare at you.

Q: The scars tend to scare them off.

R: Right.

Q: It's the kind of honesty that makes people uncomfortable.

R: I understand to some extent.

R: I’m sorry.

Q: Nothing to be sorry for.

R: Is the music fun?

Q: Usually, yeah. If we're talking about Zumba still.

R: We are. I am I mean!

Q: I mean, that's not to say I don't find the music I spend my free time playing not fun, but just wanted to be sure.

R: I’d hope what you do in your free time is fun!

R: I started taking singing lessons again.

Q: Sometimes it's more for catharsis than fun, but usually... I have a banjo now.

Q: Really?!

R: A banjo? What for?

R: Yes really.

Q: To play.

Q: I'm really glad to hear that.

R: That sounds fun!

Q: It is. I've even started singing again myself...

R: I’m so happy to hear that!!

Q: I sound nothing like I used to but... I'm not terrible, at least?

R: I hope to hear one day!

Q: I hope so too.

R: Really??

Q: Yeah, really.

R: That makes me really happy.

Q: Maybe next weekend we can do something?

R: I know of a place that does karaoke? That sort of something?

Q: As long as it doesn't get me near alcohol or drugs I'm down for anything. Just as long as you want to.

R: Hmm.

R: I’d like to see you. I would love to have you as my friend.

Q: We could meet in Central Park, talk a walk through the Shakespeare Garden? Something nice, public, and lacks any sort of pressure to come or leave together.

R: You always know the answer 🙂

R: Sounds perfect.

Q: I definitely don't, but I do have my moments.

Q: Saturday then?

R: Often with me

R: It’s a date!

Q: I look forward to it. I've missed you.

R: I’ve missed you too.

R: A lot

Q: If Saturday goes well, maybe we can figure out when will be best for me to apologize and explain myself. I don't want us to get too far into friendship and then blow it all apart because of that. If that makes sense.

R: Right.

R: I think that we should maybe talk first.

Q: And we can, if that's what you want. I just figured- we've only seen each other once in public since then and I worry about what happens if the second time we interact is in private, as the talk will need to be. Y'know?

R: What do you mean?

R: I’m not sure I can have fun with you before hashing out all the yucky stuff.

R: I dong think I’d like the fun being taken away.

Q: I don't know if I trust myself to be emotionally vulnerable with you in private and not do something I'll regret in the process, yet. I feel like I need more time to build up the right defenses for myself and I can only do that by being in public with you. I don't even know if that makes sense, but... I'm scared of slipping into old habits because of what we need to talk about.

Q: But if you don't want that I can figure something else out. Maybe you can plan to come by a couple nights this week just in case I can't do it all at once and then if you still want to be around me we already have plans for Saturday?

R: It doesn’t have to make sense to me.

R: I need to respect that. And I will. Saturday is fine.

R: Thank you for telling me.

Q: I... thank you.

Q: How about this. We do Saturday in the park and because Monday is labor day, we do something small together in public and then come back to my place (should we both feel ready) and have that talk?

R: That’s as long as Saturday goes well 😛

R: I can commit to that.

Q: Yes, but that was stated earlier so I wasn't going to repeat myself.

Q: Thank you, for even considering the idea of allowing me the opportunity to do this.

R: I want to know you again.

Q: I want to know you too

#i: rachel berry #t: rachel berry #t: all

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borkdork · 5 years

Note

Rock-n-skull Isn't going to stop until you stop making post about them, they're still in your discord server in an alt. Also idk if baby-splatter-bones is the same person as rock-n-skull because they showed their ID and they're 20 about to be 21 from what it says. I can show you the picture they sent of their ID but I will in an alt so I don't get in trouble with rock-n-skull

What is their alt? Please for the love of God tell me their Alt. account so I can ban it, otherwise I will just get rid of my entire discord server.

You don’t seem to understand how badly I want this person to fuck off. I’m not even being nice about it anymore. The many years they’ve stalked me and acting incredibly rude to my friends was the last straw.

I made that post to warn people and fill them in, because there were a lot of people who didn’t understand why I detest them, and I figured I owe people an explanation rather than expecting people to just go along with why I don’t like this particular person, and they’ve proven they aren’t going to stop, even IF I stop making posts (I didn’t say a word about them for nearly half a year, thinking they had finally left me alone and here they show up again)

And I’m 100% sure they’re the same person. Similar art style, similar way of speaking, and this:

When you go to the top search bar and put in a username, it will take you to a full page of posts that person made, even under a different name (like if they change the name of their account, which Baby-Splatter-Bones did several times)

In which case, it takes me here:

It’s hard to see, but all that is questions from Rock-N-Skull (now Rock-N-Skull-Artist).

That alone is proof that this is Baby-Splatter-Bones.

And even if it wasn’t her (which it most certainly is) they’ve done enough in my server to warrant a ban.

-Talking over others when being asked more than once to calm down

-Using their mental illnesses as an excuse for said behavior

-posting actual animal pornography in my server. TWICE. After already being told to quit

-And just generally being a pain to many of the users in my server, who came to me personally to voice concern.

Also to mention: They’ve more than once lied about their age to many, many people. IDs can easily be faked. And again, I said I wasn’t sure if she was of age NOW, but before she was underaged when she first followed me. And even so, the above stated things AND the things she had done in the past I can’t look over. I understand people change and regret things they’ve done in their past, but this is something I can’t forgive, especially since she still seems intent on stalking me after I told her I don’t want anything to do with her and to leave me alone.

So please, if you would, PM me and let me know what her alt account is so I can ban it. Your name will not be publicized for any reason what-so-ever and you will remain completely anonymous, you have my word on that.

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rusticpumpkin-blog · 6 years

Text

Beyond Love | Paul Lahote | 3 |

This is a longer chapter and I dont really like it all that much but I’m not realy one for angst.

|Previous|----|Next|

The ride back to Forks was silent as I sat in the passenger seat of Pauls old White pickup truck, it was dirty but it was actual dirt and according to the tool belt that he had to move out of my way to the bed of the truck he worked construction. Something to warrant the callouses that I felt on his hands.

That thought along with all of the not so subtle sideways glances he’d been shooting at me was enough to make my face about 3 shades redder.

"This is it right?" He asked pulling to a stop in front of Charlie's place house, our home. I nodded moving to unbuckle my seat belt.

"Hey Kat." He said getting my attention as he put the truck into park making me glance over at him as I reached for the door handle.

"Yeah?" I asked a little wearily.

"Are you single?" He asked the question so blatantly it made me replay it in my mind in case I wasn't hearing it right.

"Uh, Yeah, I am but you do realize that we met like 5 hours ago right?" I scoffed rolling my eyes threw the blush at the face that formed on my face. He looked like I’d just ran over his dog or kicked his grandmother or something like that, completely deflated. For some messed up reason I felt bad about it too.

"Thanks for the ride Paul." I sighed opening the door and nearly having to jump to get out of his truck.

…

I decided to move my bedroom around again, my mind clinging to everything that happened today, all the looks and things like that. I’d never really had a guy look at me like that before.

Hell even the guy at the gas station didn’t try to hide the way he looked me up and down.

I didn’t know how much I liked it, less than 6 months ago I was the ass end of a very bad prank where I was a joke date to the prom. The guy was stunning, nothing like Paul or any of the Quileute boys.

He’d fooled me into actually thinking he had feelings for me, I’d made my parents go out and pay for this stupidly expensive dress for him and his friends to ruin it by dumping punch all over me. I’d already spent the night thinking that he’d stood me up, then he and his friends had to add insult to injury and make it a point that he would never go out with a fatass like me.

Like I was.

I stopped looking in the mirror of my closet door lifting my shirt and looking at my stomach if I looked at it from the right side I looked… good. Not too skinny, not to fat there were a few stretch marks and I was pail on my tummy but I wasn’t as bad as I was right? I don’t look bad enough to do that again right?

I started physically hurting, my mind going to places it had no right going. Worrying about things that didn’t make sense. I shouldn’t be worried about never seeing Paul again, he's a 20-minute drive away. I had a thousand other things to worry about at this moment but here I was having an emotional freaking break down over the possibility of this being just another fucking joke.

I didn’t even take the time to change out of my clothes, take the shower I wanted or crawl under the comforter before I went to sleep.

…

I drug my feet as I sauntered downstairs at around 1 in the afternoon my hair still a mess and in my PJ's. "Late night?" Charlie scoffed at my appearance.

"Yeah." I grumbled walking to the fridge.

"Already turning heads are you?" He asked as I sat at the table with all the things I needed to make a sandwich. I glanced up at him confused.

"Paul Lahote came by this morning on his way to work, dropped off the stuff you left in his truck last night." He said eyeing me like he caught me doing something wrong. "It's not like that.” I shrugged as I started making my food.

"You should have seen the look on his face when I told him you weren't out of bed yet." He scoffed making my face warm up again bringing back the events of the night before and the feelings that came with them.

Charlie sighed standing up making me notice that he was still in his work uniform. "I only came home for lunch, pizza sounds good for dinner?" He asked sounding tired.

"Yeah, are you ok?" I said kind of concerned with how tired he seemed. Wanting to take the focus off of myself just for a bit at least.

"Animal attacks happening again, it’s been a few years but this time we're gonna find them." He said like he was trying to assure me.

"Animal attacks?" I asked.

"Yeah some kind of mountain lion or something, don't worry about it. Just stay out of the woods." He sighed before he walked out the door.

I saw my bag and hoodie sitting on the couch. I sat down turning on the TV and getting into my bag for my phone, I honestly can't believe that I didn't notice that it was missing last night.

I just scrolled through my news feed for a while listening to the travel channel drone on about aliens getting bored quickly. I pulled out my sketchbook flipping to the next clean page thinking that drawing would help clear my mind. Seeing scrawled on a fresh page in heavy-handed letters a phone number and Pauls name with a note that said 'call me' Making my face instantly heat up and a pit form in the bottom of my stomach at the same time.

The whole situation just seemed like it would be best if I just left it alone and didn't bother. That way I won't get hurt if it is a prank. Besides Paul could do so much better than me, according to the way he looks he probably has done better than me. So even if this isn’t a prank, I’m doing him a favor leaving him alone.

…

I didn’t recognize the number that called me but it was a local one with a Forks area code. So I answered it and to my honest surprise it was the gas station that I’d applied at yesterday, I wasn't expecting a response at all to be honest let alone one so quick.

The older gentleman asked a few questions over the phone and asked me if I would be interested in the job. Of course I was, I wanted money to start saving up for a car of my own. I didn’t want Charlie getting the idea that he should use the money to buy me one.

He also explained that the payment was under the table so I would get paid with a personal check every week that he told me I could cash at a local grocery store. The great thing is that it was more than minimum wage and I would be working alone after training.

I was given Tuesday as a start date and like that I had a job.

I scoffed to my self after the phone call looking at the receiver as another feeling crept into my stomach. The guy didn’t ask many personal questions about work history or education anything like that and I had a feeling that the guy from the night before with wondering eyes, pushed them to hire me anyway. It made me a little sick but he was going to school soon so I wouldn’t have to deal with him forever.

…

My thoughts were broken when someone knocked on the door behind me. I thought that Charlie must have ordered the pizza already which confused me because he watched me eat like 2 sandwiches like an hour ago. I grabbed my wallet and walked over to the door anyway preparing to pay the pizza guy.

But it wasn't the pizza guy at the door, it wasn't the pizza guy at all.

Unless Pauls job was to deliver pizza in which he failed because he didn't have any pizza inside. However for some reason, the pressure that I felt on my shoulders and the pit in my stomach lessened instantly at just seeing him standing there in a red flannel and jeans. He’d obviously even taken the time to slick back his dark hair.

"Hey." He smiled at me, my fuzzy mind still wasn’t working right. The only thing I wanted to do was hug him and it made absolutely no sense at all.

"Hey, Paul." I mumbled absentmindedly moving to tuck some flyaway hair behind my ear.

I almost lost my shit when I realized my hair was tied up and he could clearly see the scars on my head and face. My smile dropped and I turned that side of my face away from him.

"I um, brought your stuff back." He said, sounding nervous probably completely regretting the choice to come back and see me again. Why else would he be nervous around someone who looks like me?

"Thanks, Charlie told me." I muttered absent-mindedly folding my arms over my chest.

"I have another question." He said sounding like he was doing his best to sound confident, even though the last time he asked a question it didn’t go so well for him.

Please, don't ask about my scars.

"Hm?" I asked still not looking at him. "Are you busy?" He asked confusing me making me look up at him.

Does he not see my face? Can he not tell that I'm not the type of girl that he would want to take anywhere? When I made eye contact he glanced down at his boots patiently waiting for my answer.

"Because if you want I was wondering if you would let me take you to dinner." He continued a little shakily said obviously this guy was blind or thinks I’m a complete idiot.

"Why?" I asked wanting to know what he was playing at. Did he think I was that much of a fool?

"Well, last night I was kind of upfront and really fucking creepy. I thought you would like it better if you got to know me first. I know this really good place on the edge of town, best burgers on the peninsula. I was hoping you would let me take you out." He said really quickly his nerves apparent it made me blush for no reason what so ever.

"Paul, are you blind or do you think I’m stupid?" I scoffed he looked at me his eyebrows arching in confusion.

"Uh, no actually I have pretty good eyesight. And you’ve never given me the I’m a fucking dumbass vibe, why?” He said confused.

"So you're just going to ignore my face then?" I asked pointedly.

"No... I don't get what you're asking, or why." He said sounding so hopelessly confused that I almost laughed at him.

"I'm not the type of person someone like you should be seen with." I scathed moving to shut the door but he held up a hand stopping me from doing so and looking at me confused.

"Why?" He asked sounding desperate to know.

"What do you mean why? Dude, look at my face. I'm pretty sure that you can get plenty of other girls who are more on your level." I said my voice dripping with venom because more and more it was looking like another prank at my expense.

"I honestly don't know what you're talking about 'on my level'. I get it I was weird before but I’m being honest when I say I wanna take you out. If you don’t now that’s fine, I can wait until your cooler with it or whatever." He said pointedly in an almost forceful tone that quite frankly caught me off guard. This guy really was going gung-ho about this whole dinner thing.

"Look, dude, I'm skating by at a weak 4 and your a solid 11 out of 10." I said making him scoff at me. I watched as the color darkened on his cheeks as he shuffled his feet.

Did I just make this dude blush?

"Well whoever told you that is wrong." He said. "I don't need anyone to tell me anything, I can look in the mirror you know." I retorted sharply getting annoyed that he was making me actually think he was being serious about all this.

"Well, you're wrong." He said simply.

Oh that smooth, cheeky, bastard.

I couldn't even think about a valid come back from that comment and my face just kept getting warmer and warmer.

"Has anyone ever told you how cute you are when you're frustrated? but anyway about that dinner." He said smirking triumphantly at me.

"And what if I say no?" I asked raising my eyebrows at him a matter of factly.

"Then I go home cry about it for about 3 hours, drink myself to sleep and then try again tomorrow." He said as smoothly as if he had it already planned out but he continued. "And the next day, and the next day and then if its still no then I will try the day after that. Then If its still no I might take a break for one day where I sit in my bathtub, waisted out of my mind contemplating what aspects of my life I would need to change to get you to go to dinner with me." He rambled on jokingly earning a short laugh and a 1/2 hidden smile from me.

"Come on Kat, what could it hurt?" He asked continuing on with the joke.

"A lot more than you think, you’ve still not really given me an answer as to why. Every girl in town already heard your pick up lines?" I chatted having no doubt in my mind that Paul was a player. He just looked like he could have any female he wanted sitting at his beckon call, why he was wasting time on me I couldn’t tell you.

"Normally, I don't even have to bother asking if they're single or not." He shrugged bitting his lip and winking at me like that was supposed to make me feel better.

"Uh-huh... maybe I should keep playing hard to get then. Since, that's the only reason I have your attention apparently." I said raising my eyebrows at him threateningly and kind of feeling empowered by the look of horror that washed over his face momentarily making me actually laugh.

"Come on, please, I’m begging here." He whined in a fake begging tone. I sighed glancing outside behind him it was a gloomy day perfect for a hoodie and jeans.

"I guess." I muttered not wanting to admit that he was getting to me. The way his face brightened up told me that he didn't hear my apprehensive tone.

"Stay right here I'll be down in 5 minutes." I said before leaving him at the door.

Within 3 minutes, I was internally screaming at myself as I attempted to tame my hair that was wild and poofy from me not brushing it after my shower this morning.

There is absolutely no way I'm going to have it managed in 5 minutes. I gave up, braiding it back loosely enough to hide my scar and getting dressed in jeans a t-shirt and a hoodie.

I wasn't expecting the dazed look on his face when I walked downstairs he stood right at the door where I left him.

"Are we going or?" I asked walking up to the doorway pulling my bag over my shoulder he hadn't moved at all.

"Yeah, sorry." He said. He was acting like a gentleman the whole time, opening the door and everything it felt like it was a bit much. Forced, and that made me nervous about the whole situation. I could tell he was still nervous especially the way he kept fixing his hair or checking to make sure his shirt was still buttoned.

The ride was silent and again somehow he was able to get to my door and open it before I had the chance to myself.

"Dude, were at a burger place, not some fancy restaurant." I scoffed as he closed the door behind me. "I just want everything to be perfect." He said quietly. Putting a hand on my shoulder and leading me inside as it started sprinkling.

I was on edge, just waiting for someone to jump out and tell me I’ve been punked or something. But by the seconds that his hand was on my shoulder the feeling was melting away and it was nearly all gone when we sat at a booth and he instantly reached for my hands.

God why is his hand so warm? And, why am I comfortable with him touching my hands like this?

I can't explain it at all, the way he was making me feel. Comfortable? At ease? Like we’ve done this a million times and it was just another Saturday night.

“You see this?” He asked as he examined my palm trailing his finger along a line there a smile playing on the corner of his mouth that I couldn’t read as his dark eyes flicked up to mine.

If I didn’t know better I would think that his breath caught just the same as mine as I watched in the fluorescent lights his pupils blow out almost completely covering his chocolate colored irises. I almost didn’t get the chance to make out the flecks that were the color of brown sugar before they were flattened around pupils.

“Yeah.” I breathed completely lost in his eyes. A small part in the back of my mind somewhere was freaking out about the kind of look he was giving me. A look that was so… intense that it didn’t make sense it made me feel comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. Like I wanted to see that look on his face every time I saw him it was so in love.

In love and he’s known me for about 24 hours. How stupid is that? Why does the idea make me feel so warm and content? So at ease about this completely unrealistic situation that would no undoubtedly be swept out from under my feet at any second.

Sometimes I hate how right I am.

"Paul?!" a voice chimed gaining the attention that he had been giving to me so easily that it smacked me back to reality a lot quicker than it should have. I pulled my hands away from his and back into my lap on my side of the booth where they should have been to begin with.

It made me want to smack the shit out of the pretty waitress that walked up to the table. She was the Barbie doll kind of perfect I dreamt about being when I was little. Perfect blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and a figure that put mine to shame.

Even her smile was flawless as she beamed at Paul, making me want to just disappear into the seat and never, ever admit that I thought for a bit that I had his attention. It was a stupid idea.

I glanced at Paul even though I knew better, I knew it would sting if he was looking at her thinking the same things I was and those thoughts would be clear on his expressive face.

It wasn’t him looking at her like he had been me though. Confusion was one thing on his face, annoyance was another. The waitress whose name was Tiffany according to the nametag on the front of her apron.

"Since when do you work here?" Paul asked the annoyance from his face in his voice, it was sharp and cut me to the bone even if it wasn’t directed at me. Tiffany didn’t act like it bothered her one bit as she shrugged saying something like last week or something like that trying to start a conversation by asking why it been so long since he’s been here.

I just looked down at the table while he ordered his food from memory the way she giggled while writing everything down made me feel like some sort of awkward 3rd wheel. She just made a comment about how she should know exactly what he wants with how often they ate here and the worthless feeling that I had before was starting to change into something else.

The confidence I felt just seconds ago was still there surprisingly and I had to fight not to tell her to go away and leave us alone, but that wasn’t my place. I didn’t know her enough to be as angry as I was at her right then.

"And what does side piece of the week want?” It was the first thing that she said directed at me. I was still processing what she’d said wondering if she really just decided to talk to me like that when Paul spoke.

“What in the fuck is wrong with you?! You can't just fucking talk to her like that Tif WERE CUSTOMERS.” Paul snarled at her as I stood and walked past her.

“Oh no, I’ve hurt her feelings, poor thing should know better.” Tiffany sneered, loud enough for me, and everyone else on this side of the dinner to hear clearly. “Besides what is she like 15? Not like you to go for the young one's baby.” She added as I pushed past the door and out into the rain.

“Kat!” I heard Paul shouting over the fat cold raindrops as I walked towards the edge of the parking lot. I’d decided about 4 yards ago that I wasn’t going anywhere with him.

HOW IN THE HELL WAS I SO STUPID?!

“Babe comes on, don’t b-.” He started as he caught up to me. I whipped around faster than he could finish stabbing him in the chest with my finger. “Don’t you fucking dare call me that!” I hissed before continuing on walking.

“Kat, please, I didn’t know she worked here!” He said grabbing my arm yanking me to a stop and to be honest it hurt but I wasn’t about to let him know that I just ripped it out of his grip glaring up at him. “Would it matter?!” I snapped. “Would it honestly matter where we went because I would be willing to bet that anywhere between here and fucking port Angles we would be running into someone that wasn’t supposed to be there!” I shouted at him. Not really knowing where all of the anger was coming from but it was here and the more he tried to get me to stay and talk the worse it got.

“Just stop and listen to me for a second, it's not like that!” He said clearly getting angry himself. “Fuck off, Paul. Leave me alone!” I shouted still and again he grabbed my wrist twisting it as he pulled me back to face him but the second that he saw my face he let go of my arm.

“I’m sorry!” He gasped as I turned on my heel again and started walking towards what I hoped was home, I still don’t really care as long as it was away from him.

“No, Kat I- I didn’t mean to, please just let me explain what happened back there and then I can drive you home or we can grab drive threw whatever you want!” He begged getting in front of me and I just sidestepped him. “What I want is for you to leave me the hell alone! I don’t know what in the hell made me think for a fucking second that you were actually interested in anything other than getting laid.” I scathed not looking at him.

“You thought that because that’s not what I want, I mean eventually but not right now, not ever if you don’t want just give me the chance to-.” “The chance to what Paul? The chance to make me look and feel like the biggest fucking fool on earth? Or the chance for me to actually fucking believe you before you find a new side chick for the week?” I snarled.

“The chance to show you that’s not how it is!” He shouted back at me. “What do you mean that’s not how it is Paul? YOU MET ME YESTERDAY!” we were both just screaming back and forth at each other at this point. It hurt.

It hurt a lot more than it should looking at him right now.

The way he looked halfway between exploding and breaking down crying at the same time.

“It was fucking mental. Psychotic. Completely unrealistic that you would be this upset about someone you just met yesterday. Do you not understand that Paul. Do you understand why just from this right here I should never fucking talk to you again?!” I shouted at him and he froze the anger that had taken over some of his features drained and his face paled even in the dim street lights.

“Well do you?” I asked because his face made me feel like a fucking monster for saying something like that too him.

I saw his lip quivering as he breathed deeply before answering the most mournful “Yes.” I’d ever heard in my life and it almost made me want to apologize… almost.

“I’m glad we're on the same page then.” I hissed before turning away from him and continuing through the rain.

I walked for a few yards expecting and half wanting him to follow after me but he wasn’t there, he wasn’t even on the road back towards where his truck was parked, like he just disappeared. I was left alone on the forested road with nothing but a few streetlamps that did nothing but make the forest around me look more ominous.

The howl that I heard way too close made me jump even if it sounded sad. The fact that Charlie had told me that there were killer mountain lions out in the trees made me want to sprint back to Pauls truck but I refused to. I hated the fact that I wanted to go back to where he was to feel safe.

It was stupid.

This date was stupid.

This whole situation was so fucking stupid.

25 notes · View notes

romanmigracs · 4 years

Text

Nuclear Gulf: Is Saudi Arabia pushing itself into a nuclear trap? | News | Al Jazeera

"Every state has the right to determine its energy mix. The problem is this: nuclear costs are enormous," Paul Dorfman, Honorary Senior Research Fellow at the Energy Institute, University College London and founder and chair of the Nuclear Consulting Group, told Al Jazeera. "Renewables are maybe between one-fifth and one-seventh the cost of nuclear."

Utility-scale, average unsubsidised lifetime costs for solar photovoltaic were around $40 per megawatt hour (MWh) in 2019, compared to $155 per MWh for nuclear energy, according to an analysis by financial advisory and asset manager Lazard.

"There are no economic or energy policy or industrial reasons to build a nuclear power plant," Mycle Schneider, convening lead author and the publisher of the World Nuclear Industry Status Report, told Al Jazeera. "If countries decide to build a nuclear power plant anyway, then we have to discuss other issues that are actually the drivers for those projects."

Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah City for Atomic and Renewable Energy did not respond to Al Jazeera's request for an interview.

The Saudis have invited companies to bid on building two power reactors, but to date have not awarded a contract. While those plans remain on the drawing board, the kingdom is pressing ahead with construction on its first research reactor.

And there are troubling signs surrounding the project.

No IAEA monitoring

The Saudis announced in early 2018 that they had broken ground on a small research reactor that would be operational by the end of 2019.

Like most nuclear projects, Riyadh's has fallen behind schedule. But there is strong evidence that the Saudis are pressing ahead with renewed vigor.

Bloomberg news reported that satellite photos taken in March and May of this year revealed that the Saudis have built a roof over the reactor - a development that is alarming nuclear experts because the Saudis have not yet invited the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) to monitor the site and inspect the reactor's design.

King Abdulaziz City for Science and Technology, Riyadh: a satellite image from May 16, 2020 (right) shows an almost completed roof now conceals the cylindrical reactor vessel, which was still visible through roof beams in a satellite photo from March 15, 2020 (left) [Sources: Google Earth (March 2020); Planet Labs (May 2020) via Bloomberg]

"What it does tend to infer is problematic," said Dorfman. "Key to IAEA surveillance and regulations is signing up to non-proliferation treaties. In other words, questions of enrichment and how you deal with substances that flow out of nuclear reactors in terms of future weaponisation."

Saudi has signed the Treaty on the Non-Proliferation of Nuclear Weapons (NPT), which obligates it to have a Comprehensive Safeguards Agreement with the IAEA. But those agreements do not allow IAEA inspectors to come sniffing around whenever they like on short notice.

That level of access is only granted when a country signs an Additional Protocol with the IAEA - something the UAE has done, but which the Saudis have not.

Nor is Riyadh obligated to make this move, because the Saudis are currently operating under a Small Quantities Protocol (SQP) that exempts states with nuclear ambitions from IAEA inspections.

The presumption is that the countries operating under the SQP do not have enough nuclear material to warrant that level of intrusiveness. But experts say the Saudis will not be able to hide behind the small quantities' fig leaf once they switch on the reactor.

"It will have more than a small quantity of material, maybe not a large one, but more than the limit under this [SQP] agreement," Henry Sokolski, executive director of the Nonproliferation Policy Education Center, told Al Jazeera. "Instead of owning up that they need to change the agreement and reaching an understanding with the people in Vienna [where the IAEA is based], they're playing this out to the last second. That's not a great look."

US President Donald Trump and Saudi Arabia's Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman at the 2019 G20 leaders summit in Osaka, Japan [File: Kevin Lamarque/Reuters]

Procrastination is not without its downsides. Riyadh does not have a 123 Agreement with the US that allows for bilateral civilian nuclear cooperation, despite efforts to negotiate one.

A 123 Agreement would give Riyadh a seal of approval from Washington, while it would open the door for US companies to throw their hats into the ring to reap profits from building reactors for the kingdom.

While US lawmakers in Congress have not been willing to turn a blind eye to Saudi Arabia's bad behaviour, the administration of US President Donald Trump has not let it get in the way of fostering closer ties with the kingdom.

Trump, for example, has vigorously supported conventional weapons sales to the Saudis despite Riyadh's abysmal record on human rights, while his son-in-law Jared Kushner has forged a close relationship with MBS.

This disconnect between Congress and the White House on Saudi policy was noted in a recent report by the Government Accountability Office (GAO) - a non-partisan Congressional watchdog - that found that the Trump administration may not have been as transparent as it should be with Congress over nuclear negotiations with the Saudis.

According to the GAO, the sticking points holding up a 123 Agreement between the US and Saudi include Riyadh's failure to agree to refrain from enriching uranium or reprocessing plutonium - key ingredients in nuclear weapons - or to sign an Additional Protocol with the IAEA.

"They don't want to sign up to that. And you've got to ask the question: 'Well, why? what's the problem?'" said Sokolski.

"We know that looking at other military acquisitions, particularly in the missile arena, that the Saudis have a bad habit of doing things in secret if they think it's controversial," Sokolski added. "Would nuclear be treated the same way as missile acquisitions? If so, this is another lack of transparency you've got to be concerned about."

Steeped in nuclear secrecy

Saudi Arabia is not the only Middle East nation playing its nuclear cards close to the vest. The region has a well-established history of it.

An Israeli military photo of a suspected nuclear reactor construction site in Syria that was destroyed by Israel in a 2007 air strike [File: Handout via AP Photo]

Iraq had a covert nuclear weapons programme that was dismantled following the US invasion during the 1991 Gulf War.

Libya came clean about its clandestine nuclear weapons programme in 2003.

In the early 1990s, Algeria signed the NPT and agreed to IAEA inspections after it came to light that it had built a nuclear research reactor with Chinese help.

A suspected reactor under construction in Syria was destroyed by the Israeli military in 2007, though Damascus insisted the facility was non-nuclear.

Iran built nuclear facilities that were not declared until 2002. In 2005, after the IAEA determined that the country had breached its obligations under non-proliferation protocols, the US, United Nations and European Union economically pressured Tehran to the negotiating table, resulting in the 2015 Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action with world powers to curb Iran's nuclear ambitions.

This and the three other photographs of the construction site near Dinoma in the Negev Desert for Israel's then-secret nuclear reactor were taken during 1960 [Courtesy: The National Security Archive]

That deal is now slowly unravelling under the Trump administration, which unilaterally withdrew from it in 2018 and launched a "maximum pressure" campaign of relentless economic sanctions in an attempt to bend Iran to Washington's will.

"Iran is serious and it is a huge concern," said Dorfman. "It is also a huge concern that America has withdrawn from active engagement."

Though Washington has taken hard lines against Iraq's and Iran's nuclear programmes over the years, it has benignly neglected what is arguably the granddaddy of nuclear cat and mouse in the Middle East - Israel.

Israel has not signed the NPT, nor does it allow IAEA inspections. And for decades, it has neither confirmed nor denied it has a nuclear weapons programme, even though it is widely believed to have an arsenal that the Stockholm International Peace Research Institute numbers at 90 warheads.

US President Donald Trump and Israel's Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. Israel's long-standing policy of nuclear opacity - and Washington's acceptance of it - sets a poor precedent, say experts, for nuclear transparency from other Middle Eastern nations [File: Brendan McDermid/Reuters]

Israel's long-standing policy of nuclear opacity - and Washington's acceptance of it - sets a poor precedent, say experts, for nuclear transparency from other Middle Eastern nations.

"It's unhelpful," said Sokolski. "It may well be that it's in their [Israel's] interest not to admit that they have them [nuclear weapons], but I think other countries, including the United States, their credibility talking about this is at risk when we aren't willing to say, officially, 'yeah, of course, they have nuclear weapons'."

Sokolski believes Israel may even have come to regret going nuclear.

"Suppose the Israelis with 20-20 hindsight, some of them ought to be scratching their head on just how useful their own nuclear weapons have been," said Sokolski. "There's an argument that they actually would now, at a minimum, and maybe before, been better off not bothering."

Nuclear pawns

MBS has been candid about what would drive the kingdom to pursue nuclear weapons, telling US news outlet CBS in 2018 that "without a doubt if Iran developed a nuclear bomb, we will follow suit as soon as possible".

The argument channels the 20th-century theory that owning nuclear weapons acts as a deterrent against enemies using them against you.

Deterrence theory has many critics, because it is impossible to prove that it actually works.

One thing that is irrefutable, however, is that nuclear-armed nations - or those believed to be - are still attacked with conventional weapons. Iraq lobbing scuds at Israel in 1991 - or the attacks on the World Trade Center in 2001 - are just two examples.

But developing nuclear weapons in the name of "deterrence" has an even greater potential downside for Middle East nations, say experts, because it sets them up to become pawns in a potential superpower nuclear proxy fight.

"The greater likelihood of tactical exchange if the worst happens between Iran and Saudi would not necessarily be a function of problems between those two nations," Dorfman noted. "It would be more likely to be a proxy war, a proxy exchange associated with Russia on the one hand and America on the other - both of whom would be more happy to sacrifice Gulf states than their own."

SOURCE: AL JAZEERA NEWS

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Patricia Sabga

@ patriciasabga

Nuclear weapons

Nuclear energy

Saudi Arabia

United Arab Emirates

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