coffeedreamsandwords

[coffeedreamsandwords]

If life forces me to live, I will make life regret that.

I am forced to live so I will force life to make me thrive.

I refuse to go through all this for nothing.

If my story is written in the stars I will rearrange those stars.

My life may have started as a tragedy that I am forced to endure.

My life will end in glory and plenty that life was forced to yield to me.

If I have to endure life, life has to endure me

#daily poem #poem #poetry #female poets #my poetry #poet #self worth #words to live by #words #beautiful words #positive words #pretty words #words words words #my words #triumph

[coffeedreamsandwords]

I'm alive for the bird songs and the perfuming blooms. I'm alive for the sunshine and the waves. I'm alive for your smile and warm hugs. I'm alive to keep my sister smiling and my brother content.

But I'm not alive for me. I'm alive for everyone else and everything else but me. If I'm not here to tend the garden, no one will and the birds will leave and the flowers will die. If I'm not here, your salty tears will replace the ocean where we fell in love. If I'm not here I don't think my sister will smile again and I think my brother will drink himself to death.

But please tell me, when will I be alive for me?

#daily poem #poem #poetry #female poets #my poetry #poet #depressing poem #tw sui vent #tw sui talk #tw sui ideation #tw sui implied #tw sucidal ideation #this is depressing #depressing shit #depression #death #depressing post #tw depressing thoughts #tw depressing stuff #tw

[coffeedreamsandwords]

I walk in the forest and whisper my secrets to the trees. I make unholy confessions in the holiest of places. The wind sings absolution and the creak washes me clean.

#daily poem #poem #poetry #female poets #my poetry #poet #forest #forests #forestcore #words words words #beautiful words #my words #words

[coffeedreamsandwords]

I will build a beautiful life from these ashes.

Like the Phoenix has risen from disaster and pain, so shall I.

Ashes and coals can make for fertile soils and I intend to grow a forest.

I will create a life so beautiful that not even I will remember how it began.

From this barren and gray land, I shall make flowers of all colors bloom.

Butterflies and moths will fill the air and crickets will play melodies as I sleep.

Trees will fill the sky and the birds will sing their songs of love and war.

From these ashes, life will grow and flourish.

I will build it and make it so.

#daily poem #poem #poetry #female poets #my poetry #poet #growth #growth mindset #personal growth #mental growth #self growth

[coffeedreamsandwords]

To my dearest, loving, sweetest sister,

I love you now until forever. No matter what happens, I will fix it.

I hid you in my room when mom and dad fought and I'll hide you in my room when the gods fight and the universe tries to drown you.

I cleaned your playground battle scars with too much rubbing alcohol. I will clean your adult battle scars with too much drinking alcohol.

I make a big deal of being annoyed for paying for your things but to be honest, nothing makes me happier than seeing you smile.

Stepping into adult life is hard and scary, but I get to hold your hand and help you. I will gladly work harder and better to make sure you are given what you deserve and that you don't have to suffer the same mistakes I did.

I promise you it's not going to be easy. I promise you you will be overwhelmed. But I promise you I will always make sure you have a place to sleep, food to eat, a hand to hold, and a place to go.

I will let you fail. I don't make your decisions. But I will be there to pour too much rubbing alcohol on your cuts and to make you a hot bowl of ramen in the way only we know how to make.

#daily poem #poem #poetry #female poets #my poetry #poet #love poem #love poems #love poetry #sister #my sister #family #growing up

[coffeedreamsandwords]

My eyes are brown. Not like honey, amber, or whiskey. Nothing sweet like that.

They're brown like a mudslide. Like a week old blood stain. Like a stirred up puddle.

My eyes are brown like rotting wood and decaying leaves. Like metal that has been rust-eaten for too long.

My eyes are the same color as destruction, rot, and endings and you still question why I'm not sweet and containable.

They say eyes are the window to the soul and mine are dark, muddy, and strong.

#daily poem #poem #poetry #female poets #my poetry #poet #poetic #brown eyes #eyes #beautiful eyes #color #brown #self reflection

[coffeedreamsandwords]

They told me life would be amazing.

That I should keep going because it will be so beautiful.

I kept pushing and trying to capture the beauty.

I won photography awards. I wrote stories and poems that made people laugh and cry.

I give people memories that last years who seek me out to remind me how much I impacted them.

And yet I don't hold any of that beauty. I give it all away.

When will it be my turn to see why I need to keep going?

When will I get the chance to fall in love with being alive?

#daily poem #poem #poetry #female poets #my poetry #poet #words #tw depressing thoughts #tw depressing stuff #sorry for being depressing #depressing poem #depressing shit #tw #tw depression #tw depressive #tw sui ideation #tw sucidal ideation #tw sui implied #tw sui talk #tw sui vent

[coffeedreamsandwords]

The thoughts run faster than I can.

Flashes of unwanted images in my brain.

I have to put the knife down gently.

I have to brush my teeth again. Again. Again.

Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again.

Water is dripping. Dripping. Dripping. Dripping.

Did you leave the tap on? No? Yes? Redo everything.

Can't close your eyes. Can't keep them open.

Check all the doors and windows again. You did it wrong. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again.

Shake your head slowly and put the hot pan down gently. Go wash your hands.

Again. Again. Again. Again. Again.

It's crazy how three little letters can make you so mad.

O

C

D

And yet my house and my life and my mind are a mess.

#ocd #daily poem #poem #poetry #female poets #my poetry #poet #words #tw #tw obsessive behavior #tw ocd #tw obsession

[coffeedreamsandwords]

I sit in puddles made by me

Spilling tears and wishes for the girl I will never be

Yelling. Screaming. Shaking. Wishing it was different.

I hate how tainted my story is.

Everyone paints me like a shakespear tragedy.

I can't take baths anymore. I can't go down a street.

It's the same story and scenario on repeat.

I just want to be different.

I don't want to be me.

#daily poem #poem #poetry #female poets #my poetry #poet #tw sexual assault #tw sexual abuse #tw abuse #tw rape #tw #trigger warning #sad poem

[coffeedreamsandwords]

Love is so addicting.

You're drowning in it.

And you just want more.

Ever so gluttonous.

Bury me in love.

But let me live.

A century of you

Will never be enough.

Let me reincarnate.

A thousand lifetimes of you

Will never be enough.

Let my soul rest with yours.

Maybe an eternity will be enough.

#daily poem #poem #poetry #female poets #my poetry #poet #love poem #love poems #love poetry #words #my work #words words words #beautiful words #poetic #on love #i love you

[coffeedreamsandwords]

Tears come raining on my face

As for the first time in love

I am met with lips, not a fist.

They carve salty valleys

As for the first time in love

I am given praise, not truculence.

And as the tears carve their red paths on my skin, I am met with a fist, but a gentle one to end their journey short. I am met with lips and kindness and warmth. I am given patience and love.

And for the first time in love, the anger isn't pointed at me or at yourself, but at those who made me fear love and believe it was synonymous with pain and suffering.

#daily poem #poem #poetry #female poets #my poetry #poet #love poem #love poems #love poetry #words #tw ab*se #tw abuse #tw #trigger warning #emotional abuse

[coffeedreamsandwords]

When I see me, I see grass. A palm tree. Spanish moss. Reeds. Scrub oak. Duck weed.

I see the mangroves and black widows I used to play with. Cactus thorns all over sun warmed skin. Fresh coconut roasting on a palm frond fire.

I see tadpoles in sewer ditches and crabs in the house. Hundreds of baby turtles and so many birds. Lizards and snakes not caring that carpet doesn't feel the same as the grass outside.

When I look at myself I see scrapes turned scars and callouses turned soft. I see long, flowy hair cut short and absent of beads and braids. I see eyes curious about the world turn to curiosity about herself.

I see so many versions of a child laid over each other. Growing. Changing. Learning. And I see so many versions of an adult standing there too. Growing. Changing. Learning. And for once I can see all of this and smile.

#daily poem #poem #poetry #female poets #my poetry #poet #words #my head #my work #my poem #my poems #myself #self reflection #reflection #words words words #self worth

[coffeedreamsandwords]

I look down upon your face

A face of a god

A face that, thousands of years ago,

Would have been carved into stone.

A face of beauty and perfection

Complete with soft, soulful eyes.

I look down upon your face

As you gaze up at mine,

Eyes filled with love.

You see me, completely bare.

And the face of a god looks up at me

And his lips part with the voice of honey

Saying "you're more gorgeous than anything"

Saying "you're my queen"

Saying "I've never seen anyone more beautiful"

In a moment of sin, a god worships me.

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[coffeedreamsandwords]

I'd be late a million times if it meant I got to hold you in my arms just a little bit longer every morning and kiss your face a few extra times before my day must begin

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[coffeedreamsandwords]

The birds are singing to the rising sun

And I woke up with vengeance on my tongue

#daily poem #poem #poetry #female poets #my poetry #poet #good morning #vengeance

[coffeedreamsandwords]

My mother is seashells and my father is old oil.

My mother is cigarettes and vodka and doughnuts and roses and photos locked away.

She's music on cleaning days and cuss words at night. She's tank tops and horror movies and fresh rice.

My mother is breakfasts on the beach and fishing in the afternoons.

My father is guitars and drums and car rides with the windows down and baked spaghetti and warm soup when you're sick.

He's tequila and afternoon basketball and Sunday church. He's sports and making sure you present yourself well and night fires.

My father is bird watching and comedies and leather jackets.

#daily poem #poem #poetry #female poets #my poetry #poet

[coffeedreamsandwords]

You grab my hand.

"You're ridiculous" I say as I giggle.

You kiss me.

"You're ridiculous" I say as I hang onto you.

You tell me I'm beautiful.

"You're ridiculous" I say as I cover my face.

You hug me.

"You're ridiculous" I say as I wish I could be saying "I love this. I love you. Please never stop this"

#daily poem #poem #poetry #female poets #my poetry #poet #love poem #love poems #love poetry