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delicatedarknight · 3 months

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Bruce: what makes you good for my son?

Kon: what is there that I lack? I'm perfect for your son

Jason: I would say he lacks common sense

Dick[sighing]: describe why you love Tim?

Kon: he is a huge coffee addict, the Robin costume looks ugly but I guess those are the things that make him look hella attractive not to mention he has a great as-

Bruce, Damian, Jason & Dick [ready with their weapons on Kon's neck]: be careful how you finish that sentence

Kon[flying out of the window]: HE GOT A GREAT ASS

[An hour later]

Metropolis reporter: today's breaking news Batman and the Robins are chasing after Superboy while throwing profanities. Oh wait we see Red Hood let's ask him about the situation

Reporter: Red Hood what brings you all to the metropolis today?

Red Hood: oh it's just a family outing to promote tourism to Gotham not like we are trying to make Superboy disappear from the face of the earth and bury him somewhere. Now now where did our Superboy kid run off to now?

Reporter:

[In Kent house hold]

Kon: Dad...you know I love you soo much right?

Clark[sighing]: what did you do this time?

Kon: Dad you gotta protect me they are coming for me

Clark: they who?

Kon: the bat fa-

[Window breaking and batfam entering]

Kon[already using Clark as human shield]: they are here dad

Bruce: Clark stay out of this

Clark[confused]: what did he do for the whole bat family to chase after him

Damian: ask him yourself

Clark: so what did you do?

Kon[shyly grinning]: I complimented Tim's ass..

Clark: I mean I see where you are coming from..I mean Bruce also has a great ass..but that's not the point now.

Dick: guess it's time to end the whole Superman bloodline

Jason: deviation in the plan now it's both dad-son duo

Clark: Can I say something before I die?

Bruce[with kryptonite]: you may speak

Clark: Bruce I always wanted to tell you something, you look really beautiful, and last Thursday, you looked amazing in those black undies.

[Collective batfam screaming and fighting]

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delicatedarknight · 4 months

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"If Superman took design cues from Wonder Woman" by Theobromic on Twitter

#don't ask me whats the colour of what #dc #superman

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delicatedarknight · 4 months

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Bruce: ok kids I'm going out on a date with Clark. behave yourself

[few seconds after Bruce left]

Jason: from today on I'm the king of this city. Bow down to me peasants

Tim: bow down huh? Come here let me bow down your head backwards

Jason: you dare to talk back to me, you imbecile. Our fight shall be worthy

Tim: let's meet in the ring, peasant

Damian: On one side we have our penny worth king and on the other hand we have a dime worth peasant. The fight shall begin

Jason: here you go peasant have this +2

Tim[smirking]: bow down to me. *Throws a +4*

Jason[grinning]: huh bow? To you huh? Now suffer

*throws 2 +4*

Tim[pulls out Jason's order history]: checkmate

Jason[laughing maniacally]: any last words? *Pulls out Tim/kon cute pics together*

[loud gasps audio]

Dick[in batman's cape]: order order silence in the court

Jason: your honor this villain has stolen my rightful place as the king.

Tim: objection you honor. It's all a lie. I'm the rightful king. I even have witness with me

Dick: present the witness

Damian[in specs]: your honor I'm Detective Wayne I would say they both are liars. *Removes the specs* it's I, I am the actual king, my lord

Bruce: no your honor, it's me. I'm the real king.

[loud gasps]

Dick[sweating]: haha the court declares Bruce as the king and is now adjourned.

Jason[silently walking away]: yea yea he is the kin-

Bruce[catching Jason]: now as the king, I shall hand over the decree

[collective tsks from kids]

Bruce: my dear subjects, from today on each Friday shall be 'Who dressed up as the best meme' war. The winner shall be awarded adequately.

Damian: it's not like we lack anything father

Bruce: the winner shall be awarded with Batman's affection

[collective screaming]

Jason: this time I shall win

Damian: dream on

Clark[outside window]: can I also participate?

[collective boos]

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delicatedarknight · 4 months

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Dick: uhh..why is Clark umm..sitting on Bruce's lap

Jason: he came as Santa Claus

Tim: not this year too..

Jason: he asked what's his wish

Dick: don't tell me Bruce again asked for a kiss on his stick for good luck

Jason:[snorting] yeah

Dick: [snickering] When will Clark realize Bruce means his golf stick and not that stick

Tim:[unfazed] Not until Bruce pulls out a ring and asks Clark to wear it as some future Christmas punishment.

Jason: But Bruce is slick for asking Clark to sit on his lap as a punishment this year

Dick: I hope from next year they will stop playing gay chicken

Jason: nah I wanna see how far they gonna go before one of them actually confesses

Tim: easy for you to say, I don't think me going temporarily blind on mission excuse is gonna work next time if I again accidentally walk on them

Dick: Lucky you, I had to pretend I had amnesia for a month. It was hell. Imagine pretending life doesn't suck. Lol can't be me

Jason: not like I didn't walk on them and said 'Good boys go to heaven, bad boys go to Bangkok' and boom he grounded me.

#superbat #clark kent #superman #batman #bruce wayne #tim drake #superman x batman #attempt at humor #jason todd #dick grayson #my dumb stuff #batfam #batfamily #my fav dumb dumber dumbest trio lmao

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delicatedarknight · 4 months

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Secret Santa at Wayne Manor ft.Superfam

Jason:[fuming] Who thought giving a toy gun in an Xbox pack was a good idea. whoever it is you better start praying. Kon:[ugly sweater but with bad kon pics] HA!? which one of you did this? Jason:[snorting] lmao..you totally deserve it 10/10 to whoever did it. Dick: WOAH!! NO WAY! Thanks to which one of you who gifted me these beautiful customized escrima sticks. I love you. Tim: Aww thanks for this beautiful bracelet and chocolates Jon:[amazed] It's the superhero-themed blanket that I wanted. thank you so much. Damian:[touched] Whoever thought of giving me this precious matte black finish grappling hook bad boy. thank you from the bottom o my heart

Alfred:[wiping away his tears] I want to extend my heartfelt gratitude for this 20-inch pie mould with these complimentary unicorn cookie cutter Martha: thanks to my Secret Santa for these beautiful spice-scented candles. Bruce:[wrapped in new handwoven superman themed scarf] Thank you Martha: what about you Clark? what did you get? Clark:[hiding away the sexy batman body pillow] just some socks, ma.

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delicatedarknight · 4 months

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Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Superman - All Media Types, Batman - All Media Types Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent & Bruce Wayne, Diana (Wonder Woman) & Clark Kent Characters: Clark Kent, Superman, Bruce Wayne, Batman, Diana (Wonder Woman), Hal Jordan (Green Lantern), Barry Allen, Flash, Martha Kent Additional Tags: Slow Burn, Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Misunderstandings, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mutual Pining, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Protective Clark Kent, Clark Kent Needs a Hug, Hurt Clark Kent, Jealous Bruce Wayne, Angry Bruce Wayne, Protective Diana (Wonder Woman), Kryptonian Culture & Customs (DCU), Emotional Hurt, Sad Bruce Wayne Summary:

“ The moment Clark realized who his soulmate was, he knew they couldn't be together. Guess even Superman can't have everything. ”

#superbat #superman x batman #superman #batman #my fic #clark kent #bruce wayne #diana prince #wonder woman #hal jordan #green lantern #barry allen #flash

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delicatedarknight · 4 months

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Me: can't wait for jealous, chasing after Clark, Bruce You: JLA squared up on Bruce? No chance, more like Bruce squared them all up. And Clark? he has already died inside

Personally, I absolutely loved your Bruce description and your take on this. ^^

Give me fic where Bruce realised that he misses the little pre JL greet up back pats or the momentarily blissful hugs from superman after life and death fights. But everytime superman does that he would always be met by fake disapproving bat grunting. Add to the mix Lois and Diana dating and Lois shares Clark rambling about how batman hates him. And to spice things up hal Jordan who no one knows how overhears the convo and goes like it would be funny if supes stops being handsy with spooky and him actually missing it. There was moment of silence before Diana and Lois looked at eachother with wide eyes and then at Hal and all hell broke loose. Starting the mission "make spooky ask his supes for hugs".

#superbat #batman #bruce wayne #clark kent #superman #superman x batman #hal jordan #green lantern #diana of themyscira #diana prince #wonder woman #jla #dc

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delicatedarknight · 4 months

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Tim: so why should we select you?

Guy A: I'm rich and handsome

Dick: Bruce is literally a billionaire. are you saying you are more rich than him?

Jason: and handsome? Don't make me laugh you look worse than our family dog.

Guy A: ex-xcuse me??

Damian: you are excused. Now get out

Tim: and what about you?

Guy b: I can protect him

Damian: protect?? dad??

Dick: [scoffs] It's like saying you can protect Batman.

Guy b: but he ain't Batman though

Jason: bitch he might be

Damian: where did you even find these people Tim?

Jason: seriously? imagine saying u can protect Batman

Dick: nah bruh imagine flexing money and looks on Bruce

Tim: ok guys this is the last candidate for the day

Tim: so what makes you special?

Clark: I can cook for him

Jason:[snorts] What if you can cook for him? How can it help our Bruce?

Clark: I'm sorry I'm not as rich as him but I can cook, clean, and care for him

Dick: have you brought anything to claim your statement.

Clark:[places the pie] I brought this Kansas special apple pie-

Damian:[already on his second slice] ae-ets gsoo ghuuud

Jason, Tim, and Dick fighting for the last piece

Clark: uh..soo

Damian:[clears his throat] You are selected.

Dick: Definitely

Jason: prepare your vows

Tim: btw who recommended you? Because you have a really ordinary background

Clark: oh it was Bruce

[collective HUH from batkids]

Clark: [snickering] It was to get approved by you guys

[collective even louder HA]

Clark: [laughing] That's because we are already dating

[collectively yelling WHAT]

Clark: [changing into Superman] hate to leave like this on our first meet but Metropolis needs me

[collective screaming]

#superbat #batman #bruce wayne #clark kent #superman #superman x batman #damian wayne #jason todd #tim drake #dick grayson #robin #my dumb stuff #attempt at humor #dc fluff #humor #batfam #batfamily #protective batfam

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delicatedarknight · 4 months

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Hal: spooky, what does supes mean?

Bruce: [gripping on batarang] You have known more than enough, Hal. Start counting.

Hal: counting? For what?

Bruce: 10..

Hal: 10 what?

Bruce: 9..[skips to 1]..0

Hal: HEY, that's cheating [already running for his life]

Hal Jordan: so spooky, are you a little spoon or big spoon?

Bruce: I'm a menace, a threat, a shadow vigilante who would beat you up so discreetly that they won't even know it's me. What makes you think I will care about cutlery?

Clark: he is the little spoon

#superbat #batman #bruce wayne #clark kent #superman #superman x batman #green lantern #hal jordan #attempt at humor #my dumb stuff

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delicatedarknight · 4 months

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I know anything I post with them will immediately be derailed by Superman’s fat tits so here they are all in one so everyone can get it out of their system

Batman/Superman: World’s Finest #6 - “The Flying Grayson” (2022) written by Mark Waid art by Travis Moore & Tamra Bonvillain

#im looking at them with respect #a good day to have eyes #view to see first thing in morning #clark kent #superman #dc

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delicatedarknight · 4 months

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Damian: So, when are you planning to ask him out?

Clark: Ask him out for what?

Dick: Oh, come on now.

Jason: Seriously, man? Really, man? Ask him out for what?

Tim: Okay, to break it down in simple words, we want you to ask Bruce on a date... with the future prospect of proposing to him.

Clark: Um... what makes you guys think this is a good idea?

Dick: No way, you don't know why?

Damian: Look, alien, if it weren't for my dad's eyes lighting up whenever he sees you like his life depends on you, your bones would have been broken—at least once.

Jason: Add kryptonite bullets too.

Dick: And mean memes about Superman.

Tim: Plus maxing out your credit score.

Clark: How did you guys go from suggesting ' I ask him out ' to plotting the downfall of my life?

Jason: See, your handmade pies and cakes are to die for, but our Bruce only wants your built-in cakes and pies.

Tim: Jason, no!

Dick: Jason, slay.

Damian: Clark 0, us 100

Clark: Built-in what?? Never mind, I don't wanna know.

#superbat #clark got both cakes and pies acc to me #batman #bruce wayne #clark kent #superman #superman x batman #dick grayson #damian wayne #jason todd #robin #tim drake #batfam #attempt at humor #dc comics #my dumb stuff

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delicatedarknight · 5 months

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There are two types of couples

Flash: hey everyone! Me and Hal are officially dating

Wonder woman: congratulations!!

Clark: I knew it! See I wasn't lying when I told you guys that I saw them holding hands.

Diana: that's cute

Arthur: I also saw Barry trying to kiss Hal with hot Cheetos crumbs

Diana: ok now that's not cute

Bruce: me and Clark are going to get married tomorrow. You all are invited.

Diana: wow..straight up marriage? Still congratulations!!

Hal Jordan: wait, you guys were even dating?

Diana: what makes you question that?

Hal: I saw him punching supes with a Kryptonite ring

Arthur: even I saw them.

Diana: you also saw him punching?

Arthur: Yeah, I saw them punching each other with...their lips

Hal: ew..

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delicatedarknight · 5 months

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Lois: Clark..why are you wearing a sweater?

Clark: it's a bit chilly today, don't you think?

Lois: [quietly] But it's the middle of June

Perry: uhh…nice fashion you got there, Kent

Clark: [awkwardly] thanks

Sometime later..

Clark: this won't work for long

Bruce: [chuckling sheepishly] Why, what happened?

Clark: why you ask?

[lifts his sweater to show the huge iron press mark]

Clark: you know, people looked at me like I was a lunatic

Bruce: [dying of laughter] I would make sure to do better next time

Clark: by better, you mean not burning it and not you being creative while burning it, right?

Bruce: [feigning innocence] oh my, definitely dear

Clark: that doesn't sound too reassuring..

#superbat #superman x batman #batman #superman #clark kent #bruce wayne #lois lane #perry #attempt at humor #my dumb stuff

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delicatedarknight · 5 months

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Hal Jordan: so spooky, are you a little spoon or big spoon?

Bruce: I'm a menace, a threat, a shadow vigilante who would beat you up so discreetly that they won't even know it's me. What makes you think I will care about cutlery?

Clark: he is the little spoon

#superbat #superman #batman #bruce wayne #clark kent #superman x batman #hal jordan #green lantern #attempt at humor #my dumb stuff

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delicatedarknight · 5 months

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Bruce: Clark..how can you do this to me?

Clark: Bruce.. I'm sorry but I have to do it...

Bruce: so at the end you only wanted me for money...I trusted you Clark..

Clark: but Bruce that's the rules of monopoly

Bruce: Ma Kent NEVER RAISED YOU LIKE THAT

Jason: and they call me the drama queen

Tim: did you forgot the time you tried to sell your body because you couldn't pay rent

Dick: says the one who begged not to be put in jail because he has 3 children to take care of

Damian: remember the time when you were asked to pay rent, and you simply said, “baby, I'm not even here, I'm a hallucination”

Jason: at least I didn’t try to sell Superboy off just because I didn't have money

Alfred:[slowly putting the board away] Very well, sir, I believe we've reached a satisfactory conclusion for today

#superbat #clark kent #bruce wayne #batman #superman #superman x batman #damian wayne #jason todd #tim drake #dick grayson #jonathan kent #alfred pennyworth #attempt at humor #batfam #my dumb stuff

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delicatedarknight · 5 months

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Imagine JL about to celebrate Halloween, where no one knows each other's identity. Superman thinking to dress as Jack from Titanic just for kicks and thought it would be funny if Batman dressed up as Rose

Superman: Batman, would you like to be Rose to my Jack? *Winking aggressively with a rose in mouth*

Batman: *too busy arranging documents* Why? Do you wanna die like him?

Superman: *almost tearing up* n-no..I wanted to be love of your life

Batman: *dramatically turning* oh oh..

Rest of the JL looking at them with stoic face

Aquaman: Do they always have to do it?

Green Lantern: We get it you guys are dating!!! No need to make us feel more lonely!

Some time later...

Flash: Green Lantern are you dressing up as trash?

Green Lantern: excuse moi? Why the actual fck would I?

Flash: cause I wanna take you out *lip bites*

Green Lantern: you should stop spending time with supes

Flash: soo...can I take you out?

Green Lantern: trash talk again and I will throw you out for sure *walking away*

Green Lantern stopping mid way and glances at flash : and it's a yes, you can take me out

Rest JL looking at superbat and then green lantern with flash

Wonder woman: at this point I'm just dressing up as wonder woman

Arthur: I was thinking of dressing up as a clown, but since we already have four. I might just dress up as chucky 🔪

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delicatedarknight · 5 months

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Okk imagine for some reason or other Damian suggested Bruce and him take the subway for the parents meet for a change of pace and while they are waiting there they are met with Clark along with Jon in his arms who was blowing bubbles and on their way to new gotham museum. Clark and Bruce exchanged pleasantries and waited in silence until Jon spoke " Damian do u also wanna blow some bubbles?" with a gleaming smile. Damian, feeling flustered for being caught having interest in 'childish things', looked away and shook his head in denial. Bruce sighed and before he could say anything Clark has already picked Damian up in another arm and spoke "It's okay to let yourself relish things for a change of pace" as he softly smiled while Jon taught Damian how to blow bubbles. Jon told Damian to simply blow in the bubble wand and Damian being novice to it blew too hard into it, leading to soap solution being splattered. Clark cooed at the scene and tried to stifle a laugh just like Bruce whose eyes were shining in endearment. Damian poutes at the failed attempt, again Jon told him to blow slowly into the wand and demonstrated how to do it. Determined to blow his first bubble perfectly he took a deep breath and blew into the bubble wand slowly and steadily. And there it is world's most perfect bubble floating around, happy at his achievement he pointed at bubble while looking at Bruce and goes “ Did you see that? Did you see that dad? I did it!! ”. Bruce trying hard not to cry, proudly nods at his son's achievement and happiness. He doesn't know why but something about the scene warmed Bruce, that even he ended up genuinely smiling at them. He looked at how love of his life which Bruce would never admit to look like while hyping the boys for a bubble competition. Flash . All three looked at Bruce with a look of confusion when Clark squinted his eyes accusingly "you took a photo of us, didn't you?". Bruce looked away while mumbling a small 'no' a habit of his when caught lying as he silently kept his phone away. Jon chimed in gleefully with a "Show us, show us" along with the other two joining him. And there it was a photo of everyone's faces squished together trying to take a peek of the photo on the front page of every newspaper known to man with headlines 'Bruce wayne's secret lover? ' with a tiny sub heading 'Did the Gotham vigilante finally bite the dust? '

#alfred thought he was nearing end when he saw bruce smiling at his phone #bruce woke up next day with an amused alfred with an 'i approve it' look #he didn't understood it until he looked at the breakfast tray and boom there it is #front page of the newspaper being Clark and bruce squished together while the children squished next to each of their face #bruce tries to hide a smile but ofc nothing escapes alfred #bruce asked alfred to get the actual photos which he is more then happy to oblige #and clark is given simba treatment by daily planet #next time when they met bruce jokingly refered clark as clark Wayne and he responded with i was always yours bruce with a wink #superbat #superman x batman #superman #batman #jonathan kent #damian wayne #fluff #alfred pennyworth #bruce wayne #clark kent #bubbles #cute #dc comics #my dumb stuff

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