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sunken-bird · 1 year

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Speechlessly loud

I wanted to write, I wanted to vent.

All I can say, is you can never repent....

The smell of metallic liquid, mixed with juices,

Glad for once my strength had uses.

Terrified and feeling alone,

It scarred me to the bone.

I will never forget those years ago,

Even if to you it was let go.

Thank you for reminding me that I am me,

Never someone or something others wanted to be.

RW- 3-7-2022

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sunken-bird · 2 years

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As I sink back into this feeling, one I try to forget,

I am merely overcome with my demons and regret.

The comforting weight that used to be,

It no longer encompasses me.

I am stranded here, in this void,

Deapirlte the loneliness it has left me truly annoyed.

I can't move, my arms merely flail,

The feeling in the pit of my stomach becoming more stale.

No matter where I look, I can not see the light,

But sadly there is no comfort like a calm night.

My thoughts? They are calm, not by choice…

Please send me a life line and save my voice…

The diving bell is in the deep without me,

I can do nothing but give give a nonverbal plea.

Alone I drift in this void once more…

Waiting… trying to get free….to be more.

RW - 5/22/22

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sunken-bird · 2 years

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Family ties

A fractured mirror sits before you, as you stare intently at the images you see. Split images of a being that is presented to the glass and reflective surface that was used to appreciate everything you were and have become. You can not help but see there are many now because of all the splintered vines that originated from somewhere mysteriously on its once pure face.

Why are you here now? Why are you looking at this glass? Why does each crack have a meaning that you can't even fully grasp?

As you peer closer you see yourself, but something's amiss… No, it's not, it's just you.. You from long ago, time that has been consumed the the gods of the cosmos that we need mortal humans call TIME. Lost are those days now, but the images play out in the fractured piece that's still cemented to the polished brass that holds it all in place. Your family is around you, you can feel the love you have towards individuals that play through as the act continues. The warmth in your chest seems to cause it to rise to your eyes as your throat constricts.

As the images continue in manner of how it played out, you can see your friends, your best friend, your pets, toys, and the small things that occurred, though to you as but a child they were momentous events. Such as getting that one gift from a loved one, or a surprise from someone. Just these things that we consider so small now, that etched themselves into our innocent minds through our ignorant eyes. You can't help but tear up as you witness this.

Through watery eyes you see the images cease, leaving only your silhouette in dozens of standing pieces. You glance over it all, locking on another spot and focusing through the haze of your stinging vision. It is you again, still different yet the same… You are older now, your life reached a point where you started to push yourself harder and started to notice things that upset you. Your brain has developed and you know what bothers you, what gets under your skin, what is wrong and right in feeling and how you are "supposed to" express yourself.

This time was complicated for you, just as it is for many others. Though it did manage to teach you life skills that you still utilize to this day, even without thinking. Ah yes, the struggle of being your own person. Though were you your own? The heartache of losing pets, friends, and family fills these years. You once more feel your eyes burning, though this is more of sorrow that fills you.

Quickly you look away, the two sequences are enough. Enough was enough, but you find yourself drawn back to peering at the glass. The room was darkening now, your form a mere reflected shadow. That's ok though, as you weren't much interested in gazing further into the pieces. You smile, it's a sad smile isn't it? Your face still stings from the air drying your tears.

The salt, the salt from the waters… The salt in your wounds from your memories… It burns, stings, and weighs you down… You look at the mirror, seeing it for what it truly is. A picture frame… A simple, plain, brass picture frame. As your vision focuses once more beyond the tears, you step back to get away from the broken played image.

A simple fall happens as you stare at the picture in it's frame. Quickly your throat tightens, as your breath is restricted. The pressure builds in your head as the blood flow is almost halted from the tightening cord. Your eyes burn as you continue to weep, watching the broken family photo. Darkness encroaches on the edges of your vision as your feet kick, your body desperate even though your mind is made up. You stare, you stare at what is now dead to you.

"It's only fair." You think to yourself. " Only fair that I choose this. " The note you left is the last mocking blow at those who hurt you, drove you to make a choice. Your feet stop kicking as your mind goes blank and your eyes close.

A piece of paper drifts to the ground, written on the back of an apologetic Post-It note left by one of your family.

" I wish I never tried. "

RW- 3-8-22

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sunken-bird · 2 years

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I find myself sinking...

Sinking into the earth….

Though the ground has not been solid for some time now.

Even if I could beg it to cease I know it'd be fruitless….

My own power is so weak now, I will in time become what I fear and wish for.

The creaking sounds fill the air as tearing noises reach from the depths unseen….

My senses are abused by all that surrounds me….

The madness has no ending, but the final written word.

Please finalize this, please push the key.

Release me…. It is what what be done.

Finish the work no one asked for…

Finish it.

Release me.

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sunken-bird · 3 years

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Oh to be Alice, grown in a small room crying, eventually able to drown in your own tears.

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sunken-bird · 3 years

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Entering a dark cold room alone,

Finding no solace and be chilled to the bone,

You find fear and frustration,

Angry you can't change your situation,

Fear of the darkness of your mind,

Your thoughts are not one of a kind,

Tortured and broken to the mirror,

Soft and loved to the exterior.

You can't run,

You can't hide,

You WILL succumb to what's inside.

--Rw

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sunken-bird · 3 years

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Never stops

My psyche is broken,

From you taking your token.

You masked yourself well,

How could I know you'd create Hell.

You preached love and acceptance,

Then tried to force me through the vents.

The beast within you spoke,

I wish I smothered it with a cloak.

I harbor no ill intent,

But I juggle my hatred while I think upon what you meant.

I wish I never met you,

I hope you find peace in your pew.

Chair, knees, or in your steeple,

But I hope you stop lying to people.

Maybe you can't handle yourself so you run,

Though that makes me afraid of your gun.

You can't discredit your words that night,

But you needn't worry, I won't bring them to light.

You've done so yourself through your acts,

Yes this is what they call The Tax.

You tried to ruin my life,

When thought about it still cuts like a new knife.

One I'm sure you hold high now in your dark,

I pray that someone ignites it with a spark.

I hope they drag to to the light,

I hope you see why I fight.

Why I fight to push your memories away,

I want them burned to ashes...grey.

Every now and then I feel that itch,

Caused by your toxic little stitch.

The mark you left on me I have learned from,

Sit, rot, and fester while you wallow and mum.

--RW

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sunken-bird · 3 years

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Piece of a lie

" Breathe, breathe damn you!" I am trying so hard, I feel my chest rising and falling. I can see it happening, why does it feel so constricting? WHY DOES IT FEEL SO CONSTRICTING!? I can't, I can't keep doing it. There's no reason to do so with this feeling, this struggle, this pain of breathlessness. I don't know what to do, moving my arms I must look like a foolish flailing avian creature, blinded and grounded by something unknown.

The feeling causes panic to rise, more panic than I've felt in recent times. It was like it was suddenly there, just as the waters recede before a tsunami, I was alright.... Devoid of feeling... Then suddenly I am swept away by a device that is full of the utmost unstoppable destruction that I can only stand and witness in awe.

" Breathe, breathe.... Just breathe... Remember to breathe... " I fight my entire still psyche as the wave overtakes my form, tearing my rooted form from the earth and sweeping me away in an uncontrollable torrent of water, ripping and tossing me side to side, up and down, and even into objects that I once would look to for safety.

There is no safety in this force, no solitude or sound thought as I spiral further from where I once stood, happy... Now I can not tell up from down, " Find the surface, you must breathe, FIND the SURFACE.. BREATHE! " I struggle to move as the waters have full control over my form, though maybe this is all thought but either way my struggling does little to relieve my predicament.

My head is pounding, screaming at me a basic direction, nerve endings firing off pain and blanks from the shock of it all. Maybe it wasn't truly damnable shock, but I have grown numb in anticipation of such an event. Is this how I will deal? " BREATHE!!! " The voice echoes and sounds further this time, as though it were screaming from a great distance only to be carried by the air it is telling me to intake....

Finally, though I must have only been mere seconds, I breathe, waters filling my lungs instantly as I feel my form twitch uncontrollably while being carried by the great wave. I sputter beneath the waters,taking it deep into my lungs as I finally feel myself begin to sink. ' I should be floating ' is my last thought as I watch the darkness grow around my visage, the voice within ceasing as I hear a soft melodic whisper, " You will never escape me... "

--RW

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sunken-bird · 3 years

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Opening my mouth to scream, I hear a muffled voice as bubbles float before me from my open mouth. She has taken me beneath.

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sunken-bird · 3 years

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Where are you?

Clouds have formed overhead as I follow behind you, following. As rain pours down around me I can no longer see you. Have you returned home to your watery castle, leaving me behind once more?

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sunken-bird · 3 years

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Glancing down to see the nothing below, looking up to drown in your blessed waters.

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sunken-bird · 3 years

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May I forever drink from your waters that fall from the heavens, drown me slowly with your sweet nectar.

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sunken-bird · 3 years

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::The Mire::

Left, no no, right, go right, no maybe left… What if we backtrack? Only the thing is, which way is back? Which way is forward? There is nothing before you or behind you, the darkness fills your visage and fills the entirety of your senses. The sound of what would be compared to hammer stroking wood continues somewhere out of reach, though it feels at times as though it were coming from within. "Stop!" You scream, only to find the noise increases. It's vibrating deep within your thoughts and skull, pushing against all reason.

You hear the noise, the damp squish as fluid fills your shoe. The dampness increases and you are truly unable to move. Your feet feel different as the pounding in your head increases, the coolness begins to spread upwards. You notice the pressure following on your legs as the cool dampness has seemed to rise…. You're sinking…. It's dragging you down… Panic sets in and you struggle to move your legs but it's as though you can not even feel them anymore. The dark prevents you from seeing what is happening, the cool sensation climbs further, your arms are now trapped as well. You are nothing but a limb sinking in the mud where no one can hear you, and you have none to blame but yourself…

As the sensation reaches your neck,you smell the salt, the scent of the sea… You know what this is… You asked to be here… The noise in your head has stopped as the cool feeling creeps up your neck and chin. You release your breath as you feel it encompass your entirety…. You have become one with it… Welcome to your deepest desire…. Welcome home where you will be held for eternity…. Loved forever and never alone again...

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sunken-bird · 3 years

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The weight on my shoulders is certainly attributed to the rain, the constant battering on my head and shoulders is too much. Why won't you just drown me so I may be with you?

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sunken-bird · 3 years

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The sky is clear, I am blinded by light, come shade me and fill my soul with the waters of your love.

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sunken-bird · 3 years

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The silence is deafening to my senses, grace me with your words so I may be at peace.

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sunken-bird · 3 years

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As the ground dries, I stand drenched, awaiting you until you drench me with your waters of affection.

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