#<- I'm extremely mentally ill about them there's just still a lot for me to read. i have nightwing rebirth with them! and some early b&r 09 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

alienwithaguitar · 1 month

Text

Does anyone else think this Wilbur thing has been blown way out of proportion? First of all, I am in FULL support of Shelby and am not defending Wilbur. As a victim myself, I sympathize with her story, and I will never discredit her experiences. But this community is going to extremes that make me so fucking uncomfortable.

What people forget is that Wilbur has a record label. He CAN'T say whatever he wants. There’s a reason he made a statement not an apology, why Lovejoy hasn’t said anything, why he never mentioned Shelby by name, why he didn’t apologize- because making promises can get you in legal trouble. One of the first things you learn about car accidents is to not apologize, even if it's your fault, because that will be used against you in court. Admissions can even get you in trouble for things you didn’t do, if the other party decides to push for that. He’s almost certainly not allowed to apologize because his record label can't risk the legal trouble. We can excuse Quackity for making poor statements for the same reason, so why can't we keep that energy here?

Wilbur has always been an unstable man. As a long time fan and someone who heavily relates to YCGMA’s themes of being awful and feeling like you’ll never get better, he struggles with a lot of mental problems. His persona has been built around manic, destructive tendencies and that’s something that’s been a part of his brand for YEARS. He's brought up drugs and alcohol use in the past, and one of his closest friends recently passed away, which certainly only added to things. Mental health isn't an excuse, but it is a REASON. (Listen to Mammalian Sighing Reflex and tell me it doesn’t resemble compilations of artists deteriorating as they lose their sanity)

I don’t understand how anyone can actively want him to kill himself. Or wish that he gets worse. You can’t claim to be an advocate for mental health and helping victims if you don’t want EVERYONE involved getting serious help. Wilbur needs therapy, he needs to atone if either of them want to heal. Nobody has to forgive him, or welcome him back into their life, but he absolutely deserves the chance to fix himself to ensure this doesn’t happen AGAIN.

If you can seriously say that you want him to get worse, and you don’t care about his mental health, then you DON'T care about victims. Leaving a destructive man to rot alone WILL lead to repeat events in the future. As someone with multiple diagnoses for debilitating mental illnesses, when I was at my lowest, I hurt myself. I hurt other people. Mental illness isn’t cute shit you put in your bio. It's terrifying, isolating, exhausting. And if I wasn’t given a chance at therapy and healing, I could have continued hurting people for the rest of my life.

These tweets just confirm none of you actually care about mentally ill people, it's all situational and performative. This is the most clear cry for help I've seen and you're feeding into it. Most of you will never understand what debilitating mental illness is like, how easy it is to hurt people you care about. You can hate him, be pissed, wish he never did it, deplatform him, I AM TOO! But nobody involved would be happy if he killed himself. These are real people, not characters in a soap drama. Actively wishing for him to kill himself is disgusting. If you care at all about Shelby getting closure, Wilbur needs to understand what he did wrong and fix it, so she can move on.

Also the lying I’ve seen is so stupid. The spotify stuff is fake. Anyone who’s a casual fan of Wilbur has known for a long time that’s not his spotify account. It’s a fan account that posts unofficial versions of his songs. So easily debunked and yet people still hold it against him??

Again, I'm in FULL support of Shelby. I fully condemn his actions, and as a victim I'm so proud of her for speaking up. But at the end of the day, we’re people. I'm glad many of you have never had the kind of debilitating downward spiral that leads to you hurting yourself and others, but if you think that makes it okay to wish an unstable man takes his life, then you can’t say you’re a mental health advocate. Take care of yourselves, please think twice about your own morals if you're sitting around hoping fans and creators commit suicide.

If you are one of the people actively waiting for him to kill himself, I pray that you never find yourself hurting others at your lowest, and I pray that people show you the kindness you didn't give to him.

#not a wilbur defense post #but its still important to consider #wilbur #wilbursoot #wilbur soot #shelby #shelby shubble #shubble

143 notes · View notes

rifualk · 6 days

Text

On Mental Health and Cosmic Embarrassment

I don't usually make a post in the aftermath of one of my spirals, so I bet most people see some of the vent posts I make, and assume I am just off my meds or something. I am on them but I might not be on the right ones. This is a thing that happens to me sometimes. I have psychotic episodes, where it feels like the things I am saying are completely inconsequential and I genuinely believe no one cares what I'm saying or, worst of all, that it cannot scare anyone that cares about me. I get too tired to fight my intrusive thoughts and I just ride them out. Most of my thoughts are not ones I enjoy having. I have trouble parsing what is real sometimes. For most of my life, out of a kind of primal shame and terror of being perceived or judged, I beat myself into believing that I just roleplayed as a crazy person online because I wanted attention for it, but it finally clicked for me at some point in my 20s that I was, and am, genuinely very mentally ill, maybe in ways that make me not-entirely-functional in the culture I inhabit. Also, I want attention for it.

Life is very embarrassing. I think embarrassment, shame, et al. is probably the most cosmic feeling of them all, because being embarrassed, for me anyway, leads invariably to my OCD extrapolating the embarrassment, no matter how slight, into its natural extreme, becoming a full-blown existential meltdown and often manifesting in some self-punishment. Or a lot of self-punishment. Instead of saying "everyone wants attention, it's not a big deal", my brain will overwhelm me with shame and make me vow to be quieter about the whole thing next time. Good emotions are meant to be expressed, I tell myself, and Bad ones are not. I think it's very unhealthy for people to not express their negative emotions openly. Or maybe I'm psychotic. I mean, I am psychotic. But maybe right now, too.

Ultimately this feeling peaks with the realization - again - that I'm a eukaryote. I live on a spinning ball of stardust in the aftermath of what had to have been a colossal disaster and waste of time. But it happened, and so now there's a bunch of stuff floating around, and some of that stuff started moving for reasons I don't personally understand and the implications of which scare me. And the moving stuff that moved faster got to stay moving longer. And so a chain reaction escalated, and eventually there were very large moving things whose survival adaptations had evolved in such a way that they could conceptualize and communicate complex information about the world around them, but they were also able to conceptualize themselves. This gave them a lot of grief. They wanted very badly for there to be an answer to why they were able to do that. Surely it served some purpose. But we never found one, and here we are.

I don't have a god to turn to. I have tried - earnestly, sincerely, and desperately - to reach out; I never hear back. I don't want to be an atheist, it's heartbreaking. Honestly. I want someone to be up there, or out there. Knowing there isn't, is just... cruel. It's horrifying and it wrenches my heart. Look at us, look how much we're suffering, where the fuck did you go, what the fuck is your problem? Help us!

In spite of everything, I am still not sure what I believe.

Don't you ever just cry about the world? Like, broadly? Don't you ever just have to take off your glasses and wipe the brine from them because you caught a glimpse of what people, as a species, could be capable of? And I get angry at myself, too. What am I doing about it? What even can I do? I can barely hold down a job. I am barely an adult. I am often mired in this feeling. It permeates everything. I'm living in a tragedy - not just my own, but millions and millions of others'. This is a nightmare. It's a nightmare and I'm an embarrassment, and my brain doesn't work right, and I'm living in a terrible reality that is shared by everyone, and yet somehow equally isolating and alienating to all of us. Does it have to be that way? Aren't we all lonely?

When I am spiraling I really do think that the end is near, either for me, or for everyone, or for both. To be fair, my confidence about humanity's future is not promising even when I am at my most sane. But in this kind of emotional place, the stakes are too high for me to care that what I say might come off as upsetting. It is completely overwhelming. I see my life up to this point, and I see how long I've been alive and realize I'm very Not Normal and I look and sound different than everyone around me and I'm an embarrassment. It's embarrassing to exist. It's embarrassing to be transgender, too. It's really, really embarrassing to be mentally ill and fully aware of it all the time. It's shameful. I am ashamed of how my family likely sees me. How my peers see me. I'm just a walking disaster. I feel like this bars me from leading a happy life or finding some success in art - It doesn't seem like you're allowed to be quite this much of a problem and "get away with it", does it? There's a bit of social sanitizing at work there - you are only allowed to be a certain level of messed up and if you pass that you're sort of a pariah. I don't think I've ever done anything pariah-worthy, but I can only see things from the inside of my own head, and there's a lot of unwanted noise in here.

I painted this when I lived in Oregon. I don't know how. I could not do art like this again if asked.

I'm not in a good place, generally-speaking. It could be worse - and it was for a long time- but it's still just not great. There are two reasons for this. One is that I'm very homesick. The other is that I found - and subsequently lost - my twin. But I only want to talk about the first reason right now - I grew attached to the Pacific Northwest in a way I've never really grown attached to any other place. It had a quality that exists nowhere else. It resonated with me immediately and I knew right away from the moment I first set foot there that it was my home. I grew to be a part of it, and it's the only place I felt I somewhat-belonged... I have been away from Oregon for 2 whole years as of next month. I feel like I'm a fish out of water, or a sapling in the wrong soil. I can't and won't say that the place I live currently is a bad place, but it isn't my place, and the disconnect has been maybe the nastiest shock to my system in all my life. Finding the place I loved, and living for over 12 years there, only to be wrenched away from it so suddenly, left a shock on me that I think has yet to surface in my work. I'm excited to see what form it takes when it does. Location is very important to my mental wellbeing, more than I think it is for most people. Maybe I am a plant. It's also very important for my art. I've struggled to find inspiration since I moved here. That said, I've had the very precious opportunity to just work on myself - on my transition, as well as my personal issues. I think I'm getting better, gradually, in some way. I have a job now, at least. So it's not entirely bad. I even grew sunflowers last summer.

Around this time I got banned from twitter, but I don't feel any shame about the reason why because I believe in my message. But it forced me to be a lot less active online for a long time. It also made me lose a lot of support. That's been something I've grappled with a lot these last 2 years - that people really don't like people like me, for reasons that are mostly not our fault. I will likely always be something of an outsider for being who I am now, but I was one before anyway. It's still worth it. I like the person I'm becoming. I feel like only recently did I allow myself to feel this self-love. I was too embarrassed of myself. It took a lot of patience and a lot of de-tangling my self-worth from a lot of trauma. So it's likely I would have needed to go through all of this regardless of where I was.

I still slip up. It's an uphill climb and it's slippery. I like to be transparent about these things. It's a relief - feeling like I need to hide things is my default state and it's lovely to just let go of stuff so I don't need to keep it in my head all the time. I have a lot of hangups still. I get discouraged about my art still - I fear I'll never build myself back up to where I was before, and that there will never be a time when I can really pay the bills with it. Or worse-still, that it just isn't special enough to last. That it isn't remarkable enough to survive after I'm gone. But I think a lot of people who make stuff feel that way, and it's not our fault. There's some relief in that. I'm happy to have even a few people that care about me and my work, and something I've been trying really hard to remember in recent years is to take time to appreciate them. I'm not actually alone. I have a lot of people that love me. I'm not an outsider. I'm very lucky to know the people I do, and I hold a deep regret for all the connections I've let go of because I was just too sick. Deep down I really do wish I could love everyone. I have no ill will towards anyone, not really.

I still don't know what I'm doing. I am just doing my best, I think. I'm really, really tired. I don't want to get any older. I'm scared of the passage of time. My memory is so bad, it feels like time is taken from me without me realizing. I am 33 years old. I do not have 33 years worth of memories. There are huge leaps. Gaps where suddenly I was just older and in more pain. Being adrift in time like this is horrific - one day I will blink, and the present moment may be completely forgotten. It can't go this fast. It just can't. Something has to be wrong. I don't want to die, I don't want to miss out on so much life or be unable to remember it. I don't want to find myself on my deathbed someday way sooner than I think and be unable to string together any kind of coherent thread from my memories. What is it all for? It has to mean something right? Why am I doing anything?

I think I finally understand that love is why. I don't know much more than that. Love is real, and it's the answer. If you find love, don't take it for granted, ever. No love is perfect. Take it with all its flaws. You don't have time to bargain with it. Love like you'll never love again, love like it's your last day alive, love like it will keep you alive forever, because it will. Every year closer to death you get, you will feel the regret of all the times you did not follow your heart. Life is short. I'm finding this out entirely too late. It goes by so fast, and what you have at the end are people and memories of being loved. To be loved is to live forever. It's the thing that connects us to everything else. It's the source and the answer to everything. It makes more sense the older I get. It used to sound cheesy, but I believe it with more sincerity every day.

youtube

I kept my last promise to you - there are no new scars on my arms, or bruises on my head or face.

#mental health posting #is there a better tag for that

99 notes · View notes

abyssalzones · 3 months

Note

C-PTSD as a diagnosis makes so much sense for Ford because he really does fit almost all of the criteria, ESPECIALLY if you take the stuff in J3 into account in conjunction with his traumatic childhood (bullying, bad dad, etc.). It just makes sense in regards to his motivations and his issues with interpersonal relationships (like with Stan). Also buring yourself in your work (like he does) is a very common 'flight' coping mechanism to trauma in adults

I'm smiling like this right now

ford's whole.... mental health deal is extremely interesting to examine because Oh my god this man is the textbook image for "reacting to ongoing, continuous trauma". intentional or otherwise (I'm inclined to believe it's both).

like. okay hang on I'm about to get very in depth with it

I feel like there's no way this entire guy's life and in some ways his lasting identity haven't been defined by and constructed around various forms of trauma, maybe the most obvious and true-to-canon-intent being peer abuse/bullying from childhood. a lot of people downplay the impact of this type of abuse but it's... responsible for a lot of social ills in shocking ways. (if you're more interested in this topic here is an article my friend mer linked me a while back, it gets into it very deeply)

(a lot of this is going to be sourced from the wikipedia page for CPTSD [and my own experience Living with it] which I realize isn't very professional of me but Whatever this is tumblr)

one of the core tenets of ford's personality is that he's Different. he owns it, sure- his six fingers become a point of pride rather than something to be ashamed of- but they make it extremely clear that from a young age he associated being different with being a social pariah. ford's generation was characterized by notoriously cruel bullying, and anything that remotely made you stand out rendered you a target. ford could've been bullied for being nerdy and jewish (and failing to perform socially, ie dating) alone, having such an obvious mutation definitely was not winning him any points.

so it's honestly no surprise, when from childhood ford feels like he has One person in the world to trust and confide in, that he would go on to form very unhealthy attachment patterns typical of CPTSD. as you elaborated on regarding AvPD (which I know far less about but seems to have comorbidity with CPTSD): if you're hard-wired to believe socializing with others results in failure or betrayal, then you're not going to make an effort. but what does end up happening is that you're going to pour all of your trust and dependency into one person at a time, one person who is "safe".

previously, that was his brother. and it's not really hard to draw the conclusion from there that fiddleford was a subject of ford's attachment style, considering he was his One friend from college, and... one of Maybe two people ford is friends with at all who he isn't related to. he cites him as the only person he can possibly trust to work on the portal project alongside him, and he still can't bring himself to tell him the full truth, because he's terrified of losing him. I love their dynamic (I do think they were mutual best friends, and there was no small amount of trust reciprocated between them. "fiddleford was weird as hell too" is something I keep coming back to) and I don't think it's built on entirely unhealthy terms, but that kind of pressure is... setting things up to crash and burn.

enter bill stage left. back to "continuous yearning to be liked and accepted"- this guy knew that and made every effort to prey on ford's insecurities to reel him in as close as possible. this is what really pisses me off about the idea that bill was just "inflating ford's ego", because it's way, way more insidious than that. throughout the entirety of journal 3 we see ford reintroduce someone to his life he has a very positive relationship with (fiddleford) and how that trust gets gradually broken down by bill's influence "winning out" over their friendship. I think it's safe to say ford was already vulnerable: from the start, he'd been isolated in his research for six years (and it's unclear for how long he'd known bill by 1982), and bill proved time and time again to be someone who wouldn't judge him, someone who would praise him for his hard work, and perhaps most critically, make him feel like being different was something special.

like that's... that's really not good!!!! and that kind of thing works wonders on someone who has already settled with the idea that they're inclined to be alone just by design.

trying to put a cap on this. in relationships like the one he's had with his brother or fiddleford it doesn't even necessarily have to be ""toxic"" (vague term anyway) or outwardly bad to be built on unhealthy attachment patterns, and considering for a good chunk of ford's life his attachment to others can be characterized as "I can only trust ONE person at a time" it feels essential to any discussion of his CPTSD or canon trust issues. That is something that happens a lot in Real cases of CPTSD (hi) and only further snowballs into More trauma by leaving you vulnerable to manipulation and abuse (see: bill.)

I've been going on for way too long now and I feel like I've only scratched the surface of the thing I wanted to elaborate on sorry. that post traumatic stress disorder can complex

#lab notes #I woke up and had to answer this before anything else but I really need to Eat so apologies if this is all over the place. running on empty #edit: this is ok to reblog ! all of my gf theorizing/analysis is unless I clarify it isn't for whatever reason

101 notes · View notes

weebsinstash · 14 days

Text

So fandom specific posts are to follow eventually, but this is going to be a general concept. I've been thinking A LOT on alternative takes to the red string of fate trope and I started wondering about a hypothetical idea of the strings changing in appearance based on the current health and mental well being of the person they're attached to, even to the point where the strings do not properly appear if you're in bad mental health

For example, some of these AUs have the string where you have to think about it to summon it whenever and you can follow it as long as you want, and some have the string only appear when you are within a certain proximity to your other half

First and foremost, what if, when your string appears, you could make it vanish again at will. Not like permanantly, but like, say, if your string keeps appearing and you don't want it to be used to track your physical location, you have to concentrate similar to using a specific muscle and you can "force them back" so they can't find you. Just imagining the growing frustrations of a yandere who has to wait until you fall asleep to even make progress on your actual location because otherwise it's, them summoning your string for about .5 seconds before you notice and shut that shit off immediately, like two people on opposite ends of the room both toggling switches for the same light

But anyways, back to the alternative appearance strings, could you then imagine a scenario where, your yandere has their string appear and after a certain length, it changes colors for the rest of the strand, signifying your string and your own well-being, and the color immediately signifies something incredibly serious and worrying to them that immediately has them speeding to your side to check on you even if they've never met you before, regardless of if it's a couple blocks over or if they have to follow that string across the world. And then you can pair that with the "string blocking" idea and you have an extremely frantic yandere who is freaking out, "my soulmate is in trouble, why won't they let me come help them?! This is why they need me!!!" Amd they KNOW you are deliberately holding them off so, whatever aspects from that, whether it's a sadistic yandere who is amused by your spunk, or a nurturing yandere who automatically takes this as affirmation that you're just a sweet nervous little bean who needs their guidance, look at you being so scared of your own soulmate you silly little goose--

I only have two alternative colors, technically three different ideas total, but, I considered the idea of someone's string slowly turning white and becoming more visibly frayed if someone is seriously ill and or dying, eventually snapping and disappearing upon true death, and I thought it would be interesting if this "physical health symptom" also manifested for suicidal thoughts and suicidal ideation. Your yandere has your half of the string appear connected to theirs and they IMMEDIATELY know you're in trouble and they come to find you at all costs and you're... so depressed you can't even be excited to meet them and may even still want to die and just tell them to go away. Your yandere all but kicks down your door, "honey I'm here and I'm ready to love you!

Continuing from that last point, the other idea I'm really growing attached to that is probably my favorite is the idea of the BLUE string of fate: a string that appears on someone who is currently not within the right mental state to be in love or needs some sort of help or time to heal from a trauma before they are ready. Your other half tries to summon their string? The other end of it cuts off mid-air and hangs off their hand, leading nowhere, useless, unable to be followed, only a couple inches of blue their only hint if they even have a soulmate at all, but it can't lead them to you, driving them crazy who you are and where you are

I also considered the idea for alternate colors if two people are soulmates but they have, shall we say, an alternative dynamic? Like you could also technically use the blue string (although i personally think green or elsewise for this example would work better) for like, two aromantic people who are platonic soulmates or that have some incredibly strong nonromantic nonsexual love for someone? Or if you had, say, an aroace or just aro person and their soulmate was an allosexual of some kind. Idk it just sounds intriguing to play around with the concepts since you know, there's more than just romantic and platonic love and it can be an extremely nuanced feeling and love also doesn't inherently translate into sexual desires as another aspect and in this essay I will--

Either way, I feel like once I interact with certain tropes for another years, I wanna start throwing some seasonings in there. Spice up this bitch and saute it. I'm out here giving ABO a broader range of vocalizations to the point Omega can make clicking "distress call" noises to signal for help when trapped or injured. I'm over here "what if scenting could be done with any physical touch and the nature of the scent can be intentionally controlled to convey certain feelings so your yandere Alpha could give you a friendly shoulder pat and suddenly you're walking around with Don't Touch My Mate Or I'll Fucking Kill You scent all over you and you have no idea"

I just. Final thing. Can you imagine being in the same room as your yandere and, THEY KNOW they feel some sort of attraction to you they can't explain, but you dont really talk or make any effort to interact with them, and one day you overhear your yandere talking about how they don't have a soulmate yet and they summon their string and half of it is blue and here you are, subtly sneaking out of the room, staring down at your own cobalt thread and wondering, "am I.... THEIR...?"and deciding to intentionally keep it a secret, but eventually you two grow close enough or, someone says something to you that opens your heart and let's you love yourself enough that, a tiny voice inside of you is like "yeah... I WOULD like a partner to spend time and laugh with, i want to koge and im ready to take the risk" and your yandere literally watches your string, and by extension the string on the other end of theirs, completely change colors and finally fully connect, so then you have the slow burn, kind of one sided pining that absolutely explodes in intensity once your yandere finds out it was you all along

Just might be a couple of fun concepts to play around with in the future. You guys know I love drama...

#yandere x reader #sinprompts #and YES i AM thinking about Alastor shut up shut up shut up

67 notes · View notes

schizopositivity · 7 months

Text

So I was searching for a new psychiatrist online, and every website filter, every description they have, for individual providers and medical groups will include a whole bunch of different mental illnesses and life situations that they specialize in. Basically every mental illness and stressful life situation you could think of. But I didn't see schizophrenia or psychosis on any list. They had mental illnesses that can have psychotic symptoms (like bipolar disorder or PTSD) and mental illnesses that have overlapping symptoms with schizophrenia (like ASD and ADHD) but didn't have psychosis or schizophrenia anywhere.

And this is so frustrating, because I'm used to therapists not knowing how to treat schizophrenia/psychosis at all, that's been every therapist I've ever had and I've sadly learned to deal with that. But for psychiatrists, I'd really love to be able to be prescribed high doses of antipsychotics by someone who knows how that affects people. Someone who has enough experience to list that as a specialty. I live in a small city with a long list of psychiatrists, I even checked ones farther away that could do online sessions. Still after hours of combing through websites I found nothing. I was even told by my therapist that normal primary care providers regularly hesitate or refuse to prescribe antipsychotics because it's a "liability".

And it feels so unfair. Seeing psychiatrists say "mental health is so important! I can help you find your best self!" while ignoring all of us who rely on antipsychotics to function. For me my antipsychotics are the biggest reason I'm alive today, that I have a job, that I have a long term relationship, that I have friends, that I can even function. Going off of antipsychotics is not a safe option for me.

The pharmacy requires refill approval from a psychiatrist or Dr. so that I can have access to my meds. And I shouldn't have to keep settling for mental health care workers who don't understand my illness, don't want to prescribe my meds, and don't care to try.

I don't understand how there can be such a major gap in mental health care that's never even talked about. For a lot of us with schizophrenia, antipsychotics are extremely important, and going off of them can have major consequences. The fact that medication can dramatically improve our lives is incredible, but the fact that so many mental health care workers don't understand it, don't want to prescribe it, or just guess when prescribing it is horrendous, and has life-changing consequences for us.

It feels so isolating to not even be on a long list of mental health problems, and to speak to countless people who've dedicated their life to the mental health field, yet don't even consider you as an option. I just got rejected by a group of 6 psychiatrists working in an office together. In a quick email they said they wouldn't be able to provide care for me. Apparently all of them, who are available and licensed to care for people with mental illnesses, don't even think it's possible that any one of them could help me. All I need is medication refill approval, but apparently they can't do that. It feels so defeating but I'm going to keep trying because I have to.

I am not an anomaly, I am one small part of a large group of people with my same diagnosis. And we all need care at the bare minimum, but we deserve care that has us in mind for once. One day, I'd like to think, that a profession centered around helping people with various mental illnesses and struggles, would add us to the list. Because we are here regardless.

#personal #tw medication #medication #antipsychotics #schizophrenia spectrum #mental illness #nd #schizophrenia #neurodivergent #schizophrenic #psychosis #actuallyschizophrenic #mental health awareness #pseriouslypsychotic #schizophrenia awareness

162 notes · View notes

bonefall · 3 months

Note

are there any bb!cats with schizophrenia or that regularly experience psychosis? people absolutely suck about mental illness so like. seeing characters like me going thru life and being treated like people and not monsters for something out of their control never fails to put a smile on my face! thank you for all the research and effort you put into making sure your disabled cats are not only believable but human. pd: cinderheart with bpd is an extremely based headcanon

Not yet but it's on my radar, plus NPD. The reason why I feel so unflappably confident with BPD is because I know and love people who have it, and I hate that I don't see any characters who are like them! So I feel like I'm really good at handling it, and knowing what's wanted in portrayals of it. It feels very personally important to me.

Pair that with the fact I write BB!Clans as canonically struggling with ableism and all these being so heavily stigmatized irl, I've gotta be REALLY careful with NPD and psychosis. I'm less connected to them so personally and I don't want to accidentally strike a nerve, you get me?

That said... I got an ask a while back that I'd been thinking about a lot, basically asking me about how Clan Culture would see psychosis in the first place. I've actually always been fascinated by how deeply schizophrenia is affected by the culture of the afflicted, so I've been idly thinking about that for a while without sharing those thoughts.

OH WAIT hangon let me explain some stuff about Schizophrenia and psychosis for people in the audience!!

Schizophrenia used to be diagnosed in subtypes before 2013. This is no longer accurate! A lot like Autism, it's a spectrum of symptoms that affect people differently. It's a cognitive disorder that messes with rational and organized thinking, and that can express in all sorts of ways.

One of the symptoms is hallucinations. It's The Famous symptom of it, but it's not actually something you NEED to have to be Schizophrenic. Not all people who are having hallucinations or delusions are Schizophrenic, either! I want to include an OCD character of some kind who experiences some mild auditory hallucinations, actually. The type where it's just random mumbling.

Delusions and hallucinations aren't the same thing Delusions are false beliefs and hallucinations are false experiences. An example of a delusion is, "If I don't click my pen three times, my family will die." An example of a hallucination is hearing voices.

PEOPLE WITH PSYCHOSIS ARE FAR MORE LIKELY TO BE THE VICTIMS OF VIOLENCE THAN TO COMMIT IT Feel like this is common knowledge in this space, and especially within my own following since I make a lot of art about mental illness and awareness, but it's always worth repeating.

So anyway

If you compare psychosis between cultures, you actually end up seeing VERY different expressions of the hallucinations. For example, in some cultures, voice hallucinations tend to say things that are negative or abusive, while other cultures hear significantly more positive, playful voices.

This doesn't mean that they're always less distressing. For example, the study above points out that Nigerian students (reported to hear lots of playful hallucinations) experience as much distress as Dutch students (tend to experience negative, abusive voices) during their psychotic episodes.

Still, there does seem to be a correlation with "less distress" and cultures that encourage psychotic people to see their hallucinations as positive, personal things. Even more interestingly, distress seems to be correlated with income and individualism in a culture.

But it doesn't stop there, the findings are fascinating.

Delusions of grandeur are rare in societies that discourage that sort of social mobility, reflecting social values.

Cultures that believe religious experiences are specific experiences-- like certain smells, temperatures, or sounds, will see those reflected in psychotic episodes

Yet, "voices" seem to be something seen across ALL cultures studied. Though some have more prevalence of random sounds and mumbling than others, they all share some expression of "voices that say stuff."

SO all that to say-- if I include psychosis it's definitely going to be trying to take the culture of each Clan into account, and I need to do a lot more research into what sorts of things people with schizophrenia and various types of psychosis want to see more often.

#psychosis #neurodivergence #bone babble

128 notes · View notes

am-i-the-asshole-official · 2 months

Note

AITA for telling my mom I would blow up her entire household and myself in a gas explosion if my parents built me a house to live in?

TW for descriptions of child abuse and suicide mention

I (22NB) cut off my abusive father (mid40M) and left home when I turned 18. I'm going to call him Harry (fake name) from now on because I'm going to have to talk about him a lot. When covid lockdowns started I had to leave home because I phsyically could not be in the same room as Harry without fully disassociating and would constantly have homicidal thoughts, suicidal thoughts and panic attacks just hearing him walk around the house or talk from locked away in my bedroom. Growing up Harry would phsyically and verbally abuse me, he's thrown me out of a window and locked me outside of the house, pinned me to the ground and stabbed me in the back of the neck with a pair chopsticks, slapped me, kicked me while I was curled up on the ground and so on. My mom (mid40F) would watch all these things and never did anything to stop the abuse, his abuse started ramping down when my little brother was born (12M) so most of these things happened to me from 6 years old to being 10. Harry has never been phsyically and verbally abusive towards my mom or my siblings I was his only victim at home.

I developed a slew of mental illness traits the main of which being diagnosed cPTSD from this abusive upbringing. I also ended up developing a phsyical disability that limits my mobility when I was turning 20, I live alone and the house I live in is extremely unaccessible and even dangerous for me to live in. Because of this I am still in regular contact with my mom getting her help with things I can't manage to do on my own due to my disability. Her and Harry are planning to move out to the countryside and have a house built there so I am aware I won't be able to rely on her for too many years longer. One day she mentions to me that apparently they had been planning to build me a small house tucked away at the back of their property for me to live in so she could keep taking care of me. I'd never heard of this plan before and never asked for anything like this.

First of all I found it incredibly demeaning to build a little doghouse out of sight to keep your traumatized disabled child like an unwanted pet only kept around out of pity and some sense of responsibility, my mom comes from a culture where its the norm to treat disabled people like this and make sure they are unseen but I did not appreciate it. Second of all this would literally be the most nightmarish scenario for me to live through possible, I can't drive I don't have a car and there is no public transport or delivery services for food and grocceries at all outside of the capital of my country. My mom doesn't drive either so she would put me in a scenario where literally every single aspect of my life would become completely dependent on my transphobic abuser that I still get full blown PTSD episodes even just thinking about. My house, my food, where I can go and getting to the doctor would all become completely at the mercy of Harry in this situation. This is when I told my mom if put in this situation I would blow up all of us in a gas explosion to escape it because that's how awful living through that would be.

She didn't really react to me saying I would blow all of them up if this happens because I use exaggerated violent language often, she just called me ungrateful. While it was mainly to express just how bad this situation would be for me it was also somewhat meant as a threat, due to my disability I've had other family members try to get me declared legally incompetent so they could get a government caregiver from me. My parents could absolutely use the law to force me into this housing situation even as an adult, it was partially a threat because I wanted it in their heads that it a bad idea for them to do this to me, realistically I would just commit suicide to escape it instead. My cPTSD makes me incapable of having grounded thoughts and reactions to the things that trigger it, I know my mental problems make me an asshole a lot of the time but I just want to live my shitty life as painlessly as possible for however long I've got left.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

67 notes · View notes

snifferish · 9 months

Note

are you asexual? i remember i watched a stream of yours a while ago (i think it was a sims stream when you were making your bedroom or office?? maybe??) where you hung up an asexual flag and i was just wondering, if you are ace, how you came to terms with that because i've realised i am asexual and im having an extremely hard time coming to terms with it due to past experiences yknow, i am struggling a bit lol :/

Considering that was a year ago, I'm surprised you remembered that, but to answer your question, yes I am.

I started identifying as Ace when I was 13/14 I think? Maybe even a bit younger. Even 6-8 years ago being ace wasn't a super welcomed thing to be honest, especially if you were young, because like everything people say its a "phase"

To this day I still get told that asexual people are just traumatized people or have some kind of mental illness, or that they just haven't found the right person.

I think that being ace is a hard thing to accept, because of how in society (in my case western society) sex itself is valued. I mean "sex sells" is literally considered fundamental in most industries, and that definitely is a reflection of it. Where ever you are on the asexual spectrum, or whether you're sex positive, negative, or neutral, there's a strange disconnect. As someone who had social issues, developing into an adult with these feelings was hard for me, and can be hard for you.

Compulsive heterosexuality is talked about a lot in the LGBTQ+ community, but there is definitely a variation that's just compulsive sexuality in general. The desire to conform will always get in the way of self-acceptance.

It's never an easy thing, but that is truth of it. If you want to come to terms with yourself you'll have to evaluate your values as a whole, and what of them is forced on you from socialization.

For me personally, this meant accepting the fact that something that was so important to others, wasn't to me.

Also it's okay to take time to sort out the nuances, it is a spectrum after all.

#snifferish #asksniff #asexual #asexuality #aspec

225 notes · View notes

monstersandgirls-webtoons · 2 months

Note

What is your biggest inspiration for your work outside of the art? I know most of your work is comedy based, but you do also create a lot of pathos for your characters, is there a specific goal you are wanting to accomplish like 'I wish to see more work that represents me' or do you just want to create an interesting emotional narratives for your characters? Sorry if this a loaded question.

I'm a big fan of Dorohedoro and I love its balance of comedy and incredibly dark tones and tragedy. Hence why I really enjoy making every character, even the villains, feel very fleshed out and more nuanced. Luvart is more of the "saturday morning cartoon" villain type but there's a lot more variations on my "bad demons" that i love to explore.

But also, it's just a personal thing that the series has an underlying feeling of sadness to it, that you know something terrible happened to these characters but don't know the extent of it. I try to be careful with this because I have seen writers fall into the habit of giving characters the exact same trauma or treating their trauma as a reason to care about them, hence why i typically hold off on revealing a character's past trauma until an audience member feels more attached to them. The trauma needs to feel connected to that character. The trauma doesn't define them, but it did shape them.

Canon wise, it just makes sense to me that characters from Heaven and Hell would have a deep sadness to them. Heaven encourages kindness and civility, but is strict, demanding and at times cruel. Hell allows freedom to do what you want, but that freedom also includes freedom of consequences, freedom from morality. I feel like anyone who lives in those types of extreme environments would experience some level of sadness.

But also, for me personally, it just feels nice writing about characters who are mentally ill and traumatized, and are still moving forward. that they're not "broken" for experiencing pain and that they can do whatever they want if they're willing to push myself. It's why i emphasize so much about treating Heaven as flawed but not "evil", a lot of Christians find comfort and warmth knowing that there is a God out there who loves them, and wants them to be happy.

#ask

54 notes · View notes

mulletmitsuya · 1 year

Text

Toman groupchat (everyone's alive so everyone is here, it's also extremely long)

Warnings: swearing, suggestive! chaos, kinda offensive (no offensive terms used)

Desc: this is how they joined toman btw wakui texted me and said this

Takemitchy: ok everyone's here now

Mikey: yeah we added everyone

Mikey: me and Mitchy made a groupchat that'll have all of us here so that we can all be friends. you cannot leave🙂

Izana: i want to call you a homophobic slur

Ran: unprovoked?

Baji: with Takemitchy and Mikey, it's always provoked

Rindou: aren't there actual gay people that you'll offend tho. i won't let the gays be offended by this

Rindou: Takashi don't worry i'll protect you bro

Mitsuya: great

Hakkai: leave him alone Ran😐

Ran: i didn't even do anything Hakkai leave me alone 😭

Takemitchy: only peace and love here guys

Smiley: bull fucking shit

Smiley: i will cause problems intentionally you fucknut

Angry: Smiley😡

Mochi: this isn't gonna work but okay

Smiley: shave off your eyebrows and start again

Mochi: they'll just grow back the same, motherfucker😐

Smiley: you didn't do that to look cool??

Mochi: no

Smiley: what side did you get them from?

Mochi: my moms?

Mochi: why does this matter

Smiley: she must be ugly as shit, damn

Senju: naur 💀

Mochi: i'm going to be violent with you

Smiley: come at me bro

Smiley: nvm you're 6'5 and built like a gorilla

Smiley: i'll accept my loss here

Mikey: i get so happy when i see you all like this

Baji: man stfu you always saying some weird shit

Baji: you and Takemitchy are weird and i'm on to you

Baji: always talking about how "the fruit of our labour has finally flourished"

Baji: weird

Mikey: i never said that wtf😭

Kakucho: Takemitchy did, he says it a lot

Takemitchy: uh do i? it's a lyric from a song that's stuck in my head lmao

Kakucho: you always say it while crying and looking at all of us you weirdo

Izana: this is why people used to be hanged for being gay

Mikey: can u leave him alone

Izana: i don't have to listen to you, i'm older

Mikey: ok, no pupils head ass

Izana: ok, no bitches head ass

Emma: stop fighting, I'll tell Shini-nii☹️

Izana: you're such a pick me Emma oh my god

Emma: i'm not, i only needed one man to pick me😚

Draken: 🙂

Emma: 😕

Draken: ...

Emma: 😒

Draken: 😑

Draken: fine

Draken: i love you Emma, my beautiful girlfriend and future wife❤

Emma: i love you too Kennyy omg😭❤❤❤

Senju: you just forced him to say that why r u so happy 💀

Yuzuha: why am i here

Takemitchy: we need a few responsible people who r scary

Yuzuha: but...nvm

Draken: why do you have fangirls following you

Yuzuha: idk i'm just pretty great

Draken: fair

Chifuyu: i wish i had fangirls

Kazutora: you're ugly

Chifuyu: 😐

Baji: if y'all start again i'll ram a cactus down your throats

Chifuyu: I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING

Baji: Kazutora's troubled, stop provoking him. you make eye contact for too long

Baji: you know that agitates him

Kazutora: 😋

Mikey: why r u talking about him like he's a creature or smth

Baji: to some extent he is

Kazutora: hey

Chifuyu: but Baji-san he's doing this on purpose this is so unfair 😭

Draken: Kazutora stop using the mentally ill card

Kazutora: fine, jeez😒

Senju: it's great to have friends tbh

Sanzu: don't say that, it's embarassing

Shion: i still don't believe Sanzu's a dude

Shion: he's too pretty and petite like a girl idc

Shion: like you'll have to take your dick out and show it to me for me to believe me you

Rindou: yo?

Baji: 🤨

Mikey: dude...

Hakkai: can you ever behave

Chifuyu: c'mon man

Smiley: fucking Shion man

Izana: why did you speak

Shion: aren't we all equal here

Izana: who told you that

Shion: your brother, sir

Mucho: Shion stop talking

Shion: y'all switch up rq huh😒

Rindou: everyone shut up and pay attention to me

Mitsuya: i mean this genuinly, i hate it here

Rindou: you're a hater

Mitsuya: that's what i just-

Mitsuya: 😊

Rindou: ok now that Mitsuya's done whining i need help with my stage name

Angry: for what bestie

Rindou: DJing

Hakkai: i thought i was bestie but okay 😒

Angry: you're both bestie

Rindou: i thought I was bae tho lol

Angry: um 🙁

Rindou: i was joking you're ugly

Rindou: this is why your brother has bitches and you don't

Angry: why'd u get so triggered

Angry: and we have the same face😐

Rindou: it's different

Ran: shhhhh this is getting nowhere

Rindou: but my stage name

Smiley: stfu Ran you're a homosexual

Izana: i knew it 😟

Chifuyu: it's always violence with y'all damn

Mikey: OHHH THAT'S WHY U STAND LIKE THAT LMAO

Kakucho: i thought Ran was popular with the ladies

Angry: so which is it Ran? homo or hetero

Kazutora: 💀

Ran: whatever i feel that day

Ran: a hole is a hole after all

Mucho: can you not

Sanzu: 🤢

Rindou: he's lying to you he has no bitches

Rindou: all he does is sleep and do his hair

Ran: i never claimed to have bitches all i did was say i don't have a preference when it comes to gender or sex

Ran: why do people attack me for no reason i'm just sitting here being pretty

Mikey: two flamboyant bisexuals

Mikey: silly Koko and silly Ran

Koko: pls don't say that

Mikey: that you're silly?

Koko: uh, yes

Mikey: ok silly goose

Koko: 😐

Baji: i hate you all and wish i wish i was dead

Baji: i would rather stab myself to death than be here

Mikey: don't fucking say that Keisuke😐

Mikey: i don't find you funny

Mikey: why would you say that

Baji: damn chill what's wrong with you

Takemitchy: we shouldn't joke about death😐

Takemitchy: and let's remember that suicide isn't the only option

Takemitchy: there's always help❤👊

Baji: DO U GUYS SEE WHAT I MEAN

Baji: THEY'RE WEIRD

Inupi: suspicious

Senju: shut up pretty boy

Senju: you're absolutely gorgeous

Senju: that didn't come out the way i wanted it to

Inupi: ?

Sanzu: how did you want it to come out???

Kazutora: i mean he's not wrong he's so beautiful

Kazutora: not in a gay way tho like it just is what it is

Inupi: ...thank you, i guess

Kazutora: i wanna fuck him

Kazutora: idk what happened there, my bad

Chifuyu: chill out

Kazutora: you have a tiny dick

Chifuyu: 😐

Baji: Kazutora c'mon man

Baji: i'm starting to think you're the problem

Kazutora: i'm just flirting

Kazutora: in a homie typa way if ykwim

Baji: i do not

Hanma: good morning my cockroaches

Smiley: fuck you

Hanma: it's a bdsm today💘

Hanma: we should go out and have a beach day and catch jellyfish so that they can sting us and we can pee on each other to stop the pain

Hanma: who ever gets peed on first loses haha

Mitsuya: who even let you in here

Smiley: you gotta go to jail for that

Smiley: he can't keep getting away with this

Draken: wait what did he mean when he said it's a bdsm day am i the only one who's concerned

Kisaki: he thinks it means beautiful day sunny morning

Draken: oh...ok

Mikey: ain't no way

Kazutora: i'll send you a link Hanma dw bro I got you

Kisaki: don't we're in public

Hanma: ohoho this is inhumane why are they doing that🤠

Kisaki: curse you, Kazutora

Kazutora: don't kink shame

Baji: please stop watching graphic porn

Kazutora: no one wants to have sex with me what else should i do

Chifuyu: it's cause of the way you act

Kazutora: let's go outside real quick

Chifuyu: i'm sick of you let's go

Emma: they are going to kiss

Senju: it's giving enemies to loves slow burn

Baji: it's all coming together

Smiley: stop normalizing gay people🙏

Mikey: homophobes get fired from Toman

Smiley: fine

Smiley: slay or whatever the fuck ❤🧡💛💚💜👁👅👁🏳️‍🌈

Yuzuha: feels like a hatecrime tbh

Yuzuha: anyway me and Hakkai r getting on the plane so our phones r gonna be off

Hakkai: see you soon Taka-chan 😊

Mitsuya: yeah stay safe🧡

Angry: what about the rest of us 🙁

Draken: kys Shiba's

Hakkai: huh???

Yuzuha: what'd we do even

Mitsuya: Draken? why'd u say that

Draken: what did I say??

Mikey: kys=kill yourself

Draken: no???

Draken: kys=keep yourself safe

Mikey: who told him that

Smiley: 😁

778 notes · View notes

quinnydoll · 1 month

Text

You should watch Eureka Seven

So there's this neat little show I watched before I turned 10 when I couldn't understand a goddamn thing, and it caused me to think about the cool aesthetics of giant robots flying around stylishly on boards as naturalistic trails flow behind them.

I rewatched the show recently with my lovely nesting partner, because I wanted to revisit its world, and I was offered so much more than I remembered. Yes, the show is absolutely what I just described in the previous paragraph/run-on sentence(fuck you this isn't a school assignment) but it's also SO MUCH MORE.

I'm not going to beat around the bush, there's a singular gif I can show people that usually convinces them to watch it with the added info that this isn't just a super highlighted moment, it's just what the show looks like:

(side note: if you haven't seen this show in its entirety, do not, I repeat DO NOT search for gifs of it on this site, never have I ever seen such a dense wall of spoilers)

Still with me? I'd hope so after that display! Also, for non-mecha fans, PLEASE I am begging you to still give the show a chance, it's so worth it!

So we need to start off with this show's worldbuilding. The giant robots can wait, because first we have to address the most glaring thing: everyone seems to have access to these boards that seemingly allow them to levitate and travel in midair on these almost fluid-like trails. These are explained as Trappar Waves, and not much is explained about them early on. I'm going to keep my explanation brief, because it's way more satisfying to watch the mystery unravel through the course of the show.

Basically, the planet this takes place on is full of these waves, and that's one of the main things that everything relies on, and why we can see effectively airships that are just perpetually suspended in the air without need to refuel constantly. This is what allows them to stay up. Also the reason why we see characters with their nifty little boards. Oh yeah, the giant robots have those boards too.

That's the main thing I wanna address about the world of this show, because explaining the rest would genuinely spoil so much of the show, and the experience would be extremely reduced by me explaining. Just trust me, it's really good.

Now, the format of the show is actually masterfully done. The first arc involves the immaturity of the main character, and the format of the show reflects it heavily in the very slice of life format as our main character is enchanted with the conditions he's been put into. At this stage of the series, it's not very serious, and its stakes are pretty low.

As it progresses though, it eases you into a far more coherent overarching narrative in a way that feels really natural and well done. You'll never really "notice" the point at which "shit gets real" or anything, you'll just find yourself way more interested in the bigger picture of what's going on, because the show puts a larger focus on it.

There's a romance story in it too, and it's actually really well done, which is something I haven't really seen effectively done in a lot of action anime, but I think in this case it's because they don't really treat it like a "subplot." They do a really good job of tying it into the main story, and they make it feel pretty real as a romance, and by the end, the payoff is the most satisfying one I've seen of really any romance plot that isn't necessarily the actual main focus of a story. I genuinely feel like they could've conveyed the story they did without the romance plot, but something truly impactful would've been lost had they gone that route.

I think it's not unfair to compare this show to Neon Genesis Evangelion, but at the time, it would be doing both stories a serious disservice. Evangelion is a really effective exploration into nihilism and mental illness, but Eureka Seven feels like a direct response in the way it delivers its story. It feels like it did a Better Rebuild™ before the Rebuild movies even came out.(let it not be said that I don't like the Rebuild series, it's legitimately in my top ten.) Early on, they communicate a lot of the same themes, but then Eureka Seven diverges hard with how it explores the intricacies of interpersonal relations and how people will strive to do better and how people can genuinely be better to each other. I feel like the way it delivers that is genuinely way more effective than even the extremely cathartic conclusion to Evangelion 3.0 + 1.0.

Seriously though, if you're not interested in watching this show, I don't know how to convince you. It's truly a fantastic show, and it's honestly taken the spot of "favorite anime" in my book. I am no longer a Gundam fan, but an Eureka Seven fan who also likes Gundam. You're going to love this show, even if you're not into mecha anime.

#gundam #evangelion #eureka seven #anime

40 notes · View notes

kalcifers-blog · 5 days

Text

I have a thought and I physically need to talk about it BC I think the JSE Fandom as a whole does not talk about it nearly enough.

BEFORE WE GET STARTED!!! Content Warnings :

Discussions on mental illness, alcoholism / alcohol withdrawal, mentions of potential suicidal behaviour!!!!!

CHASE BRODY IS NOT AN IDIOT.

I feel like Chase gets mischaracterised as being a bit of a himbo at best and just straight up stupid at worst.

For the record I generally dislike the way that happens? Like there's already a big stigma around addiction, I'm actually very impressed with how Chase Brody is such a sympathetic character with his addiction being an aspect of that. I love how it shines a new light on this very real and scary issue that doesn't villainise Chase at all for his condition.

But this is exactly why I feel it's so important that people understand that Chase also isn't an idiot.

Genuinely speaking there are so many examples of Chase being someone who is an extremely smart individual and I think a lot of that gets overshadowed by the fact that he's an alcoholic and depressed.

EXAMPLES BEING:

He is immediately asking questions the moment he's in IRIS.

He's constantly making it known exactly how he feels about his predicament but at the same time he understands that at certain points (especially when he doesn't have a clear view on IRIS and what they're up too) he needs to go along with things and keep civil to not put himself in potential danger

He calls out the way IRIS puts him through shit and how fucking weird that is of them to do

The moment he sees a shimmer of hope (in the form of Echo) he immediately tries to comfort them and tries to help them and attempts to make a plan to leave IRIS

When IRIS attempts to relocate Chase he immediately calls out that they're lying to him, that something has happened

He can spot people being manipulative from a mile away and is very quick to shoot it down as soon as he can by making it known he knows exactly what they're doing.

I would also like to mention that all this is happening while Chase is very likely going through major alcohol withdrawal issues- the symptoms of which include: tremor, craving for alcohol, insomnia, vivid dreams, anxiety, hypervigilance, agitation, irritability, loss of appetite (i.e., anorexia), nausea, vomiting, headache, and sweating.

Chase is quite literally going through it, like every severely going through it and the entire time he is he's surprisingly got more of a level head than most people probably would in his situation. And he's doing all of this while probably going through some intensely bad withdrawal symptoms as well as all the mental shit Anti is putting him through every moment he can.

All things considered Chase is insanely capable of being able to keep fighting even through some of the hardest things a person could go through.

Chase Brody is not an idiot, he's not useless and he's certainly not weak. If Chase can go through all the things he has and he's still fighting tooth and nail to survive even tho he previously was shown to be someone who was very clearly suicidal? I just think it says so much about his character that at Chase's core he's smart and strong- in ways a lot of people wouldn't appreciate nearly half as much if they didn't physically see the things he was being put through continuously for potentially years at this point.

And again I wanna keep in mind that all of this is going on while Chase is quite literally at rock bottom, like we have only seen Chase while he's at his worst. The fact that he is so smart while he's at his worst only makes me wonder just how capable he has the potential of being once he gets the right help he needs and deserves.

#this was brought to you by Kalcifer having a moment #its currently 5 am for the record #guys i love Chase Brody idk if you knew that #jacksepticeye #jse egos #jse #jacksepticeye egos #chase brody #kal rambles #kals thoughts #kalcifers blog #Ego Rambling

28 notes · View notes

controversial-blorbo-bracket · 4 months

Text

Controversial Character Tournament Round 2: Alois Trancy from Black Butler vs Eichi Tenshouin from Ensemble Stars

(remember that these characters are fictional and your fellow tumblr users are real. i will block you if you harass others in the notes, please consider sending your unhinged harassment to my inbox instead)

Propaganda under the cut, may contain spoilers:

Alois Trancy:

LOVE:

- "everyone wants this guy dead. he is the villain of his narrative for the simple hubris of wanting to live and be loved after surviving traumatic events one after another for his whole childhood, and in the end the narrative kills him for it. being an anime-only character, many fans dislike his character as well, seeing him as unnecessary or controversial/contradictory to the well-established lore of the main storyline. he's gotten rejected from other poll tournaments, even, for his backstory containing a Lot of controversial and dark material (so yeah heads up for that). i personally care very deeply about his character, because someone i am very close with in my real life relates a lot to him, and has experienced similar traumatic events. in the end, he just wants to be loved, but he is bound to the hatred of his fellow characters, of the writers and his universe itself, of the fans of his series, of... everyone but a select few people clinging to him. which is to say, he is broadly hated, but i think the balance of the few that truly and deeply want to break him out of that fate and love him with the fervor of a thousand suns.... i think that makes him a great candidate for this competition."

Eichi Tenshouin:

LOVE:

- "Eichi is so silly… he started an entire war for his crush… then “killed” said crush in public (it was a metaphorical killing). He’s responsible for ruining the lives/mental health of SEVERAL if not dozen of people. He doesn’t know about the concept of “love.” In all honestly, I just see him as a very naive person with too much money to spend (he’s extremely rich if I didn’t mention it). People either love him or hate him, though I feel like the fandom has been coming around to him lately, especially in the past few years, so he may not win the poll, but the discourse around him has left such a strong impression on me that I HAD to submit him. Personally, I love him he’s one of my favorite characters; I have a plushie of him :)"

- "Okay first of all I don't love or hate him I'm actually pretty neutral about him BUT I will defend him til the day I die because people who hate him hate him for like. the wrong reasons. Okay he started an idol war like he was 16 and wanted to change the idol system at Yumenosaki and none of the teachers did anything to like. actually turn these kids into idols and Eichi took things into his own hands. This guy is a rich chronically ill nepo baby and gay as hell which is incredibly important to the whole narrative and I still stand by the fact that like. if the adults at the school had done their job this wouldn't have happened and Eichi has shown a lot of growth and self reflection in the time since then (even though he is......essentially creating an idol factory to mass produce popular idols. anyway) and he regrets a lot of his actions during the war but also. objectively at least for one of the characters, if someone didnt do something about what was going on in that unit it would have ended incredibly badly (Shu Itsuki and Ex-Valkyrie which is another long story I am not going to get into but you can read Marionette if you want to know more about it and even as a Shu Producer I think it was necessary for his own character arc and development, as well as Nazuna and Mika's arcs. Anyway this isn't about them this is about Eichi) he's very complicated and I think people who hate him just because of the war are missing whole pieces of his character, yknow? He was just a kid with ideals and a lot of money and drive to create change and nobody was around to guide him in the right direction. I still don't understand how the teachers at this school have jobs if they just allowed four kids to get metaphorically executed on stage though."

- "i love him very much he’s kind of a bitch though so like i think he’s divisive enough to win it"

- ""how controversial can this idol gacha game boy possibly be" I have seen people unironically censor his name it's so funny. his haters are so. they hate any complex morally grey character and none of them can be normal about it. the amount of people I've seen making jokes about his terminal illness and how they can't wait until he dies is something else, and I've seen soooo many people unironically call him irredeemable and evil and that enstars would be better if he wasn't in it (as if eichi isn't the single most important character in enstars' plot like. literally most of the cast would never have met and bonded if it wasn't for him) and etc etc. his fans are also kind of rabid and hardcore but I respect that. he gives me brainworms too. I think the controversy might maaaaybe be largely only the western side of the fanbase...? bc his merch is still some of the most expensive in the entire series lol. an expensive boy few can afford... literally the character of all time. please appreciate him in this cat hoodie: https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/ensemble-stars/images/5/5d/Eichi_Tenshouin_Namja_Town.png/revision/latest?cb=20200109223739"

- "He is my special little guy my blorbo my funny little war criminal however he very much did commit a lot of crimes and people rightfully do not like him for it. However. To me, personally, he is my poor sick little meow meow. He is so fucked up and I love him for it. Men who were born all alone in a wet cardboard box am I right ?"

#poll #round 2 #alois trancy #eichi tenshouin #ensemble stars #black butler #1 submission #5 submissions

52 notes · View notes

fatuismooches · 6 months

Note

Yesss please, let's have some fluff for fragile reader and dottore <3 My new medication has been helping with my pain, so so so I'm just imagining like something Dottore is doing to help fragile reader is *helping* somewhat, their pain is lessened even if not completely gone but! It's progress! This makes the two of them feel hope for the first time in what could possibly be years, the sheer joy of something working, even just slightly, has the reader crying in joy because they've been able to walk a bit without collapsing. They still need their mobility aids but for the first time in decades they're not in agonizing pain and feel their limbs settle even slightly. It's not an overnight thing of course, Dottore has been monitoring them, and they've done their best to upkeep their progress. It isn't until one morning when they think about how the last few months have been before they realize as they're standing up to move around, moving to the lab, that it's... not as agonizing as it normally is? The bad flare ups are there obviously, but they don't feel like they're withering away. They feel.... stable, both metaphorically and literally. They haven't had any new marks from their body unable to hold itself up and bumping/scratching against the walls. They make their way to Dottore in the lab that morning, hobbling along more excited than normal, the smile on their face wide and joyful. It almost feels silly to tell him the progress, the fact they can hold a pen for longer now without the pain in their wrist being unbearable, the marks on their hands have begun to heal without new ones appearing, their steps more steady. Their illness isn't curable. It probably never will be, no matter how much Dottore tries. But... the sign of progress, of being able to *manage* it.... that is enough. It is enough. ❤️ -❤️‍🩹🌹

Oh,, this is so sweet fluffy and soft I love it so much! And I'm glad you've been feeling better anon, that makes me happy ❤️ I like to think so too... that although things don't get better quickly enough, they do over a long period of time.... after all, Dottore is your genius husband, you've always believed in him even when he hit so many roadblocks and failures along the way. It's an extremely important moment for both of you, you feeling better after so many years of illness and Dottore relieved that finally something worked. Perhaps not a cure, but to see you so elated and free after centuries makes him regret absolutely nothing. The segments too of course, they're finding amusement in your new-found energy and attempts to squeeze them to death with your hugs. In fact, there's a different energy in the lab now. Of course, it'll always have that looming air of despair and death to others... but when you're happy, the segments are too, and that means they spend less threatening the regular agents and leaving them alone!! Granted they have more work to do now since the segments are busy slacking off and showing you all the cool things they couldn't show you before due to your illness but at least they have a higher chance of surviving now!!

I imagine your progress just hits you one day, how you've been feeling a lot better both mentally and physically, of course, you're not in tip-top shape but the fact just makes you have a rush of excitement and exhilaration. You almost wonder if you've been dreaming for a while, but nope, this is all real. When you barge into Dottore's office, practically slamming the door open, he's initially worried that something bad happened. But you plopped yourself on his lap and placed both your hands on his shoulder, beckoning his attention with not just your body language but that sweet smile he hadn't seen in so long, then going off into a tangent with all the things you can do now. Your voice raising in pitch and volume as you waved your hands in glee, just completely contented and joyful. Dottore didn't interrupt once as he merely listened to you talk for so long without getting out of breath, and then at the end, he pulled you closer and gently bit your neck. Perhaps he can't express his happiness for you outwardly as well, but that's okay.

#smooches talks #fragile reader <3 #🌹❤️‍🩹 anon #dottore love notes <3 #my heart... ouhhhh its in shambles #i love soft dot and fragile reader smmm <33

108 notes · View notes