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#(i'll be on here for a bit and catch up with what few things i owe)
kakuchari · 2 days
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ARIIIII may i request a nanami blurb (nsfw or sfw i'll leave that up to you :3) based on the song killshot by magdalena bay please? <3
-> hit me with your killshot, baby. (x) | 2,276 words. afab!reader (no pronouns used but female anatomy included), slight yandere obsession if u squint, alcohol consumption, fingering, cunnilingus, implied penetrative + protected sex, nanami calls reader “sweet thing”, “darling”, higuruma cameo. nanami might be a lil ooc but bear with me here.
a/n: oh salem, this was DELICIOUS to write. what a banger of a song too omg i gotta listen to them more!! i took a more obsessive!nanami approach, i feel like he'd get off on how easy some people are to fall in love with him, but not necessarily in a bad way. it's almost like a confirmation that he's good, he's not rotten like the rest of the men he works with; he's respectful so he deserves rewards in a way??? anyway i'm not sure what happened but here we are LMAO
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The speakeasy was quiet this evening.
You sip on a lovely gin and tonic, mixed together just right as your eyes drag across the people dotted around the space. Your business shirt has been unbuttoned slightly, enough to tease as your drink steadily makes you feel warmer and fuzzier. Your heels are long gone, tucked away in your bag as you opt for chunky boots, which tend to be much comfier after a few drinks.
It was a cozy atmosphere; one of your favorite places to go after work to unwind without having to worry about seeing those you know. Which, unfortunately, has happened before and almost turned you off from coming back completely.
But you couldn’t.
Mainly due to the man you’re staring at now, half-hoping he can’t feel your burning gaze.
He’s stunning, and he’s been coming for the past few weeks now. Always on a Tuesday, for some reason, but you ignored the choice of weekday and instead decided to have your gaze wander across his features. His blue office shirt is unbuttoned at the top, just enough that light blonde hairs poke out of the revealed opening. His suspenders are tight against his chest, brown, connecting to his tan slacks. Shiny office shoes adorn his feet as he leans back, crossing his foot over his knee as he takes a sip from his own drink (something dark) and fixates on the book in front of him.
He’s beautiful. Tempting. Like forbidden fruit, except he doesn’t seem to be married.
Even better.
The one thing you do pick up on is how incredibly tired he looks. He normally comes in with another man, this one’s palette almost inverse from your muse’s; dark suit, white shirt, dark hair, but the same bags underneath his eyes and tired facial expressions. They don’t typically speak to each other that much, due to how quiet the rest of the venue is, and choose to read together instead.
However, today, his companion is not here. He has come alone.
One of your fingers, complete with a perfectly manicured black nail, rubs against the edge of your glass as you watch him. He wears glasses, the golden rims catching the lowlight every once in a while as his eyes scan across the words in front of him. He hasn’t noticed you staring; he never has, which is somewhat of a shock to you. Whenever someone is staring at you, it feels like there’s fire alight on the back of your neck. He’s either completely oblivious, or he knows and he doesn’t seem to care.
Something about that makes your thighs clench together. The song in the background, playing gently against the velvet walls, does nothing for your growing yearning for the man.
Something chronic, bit demonic I been on the late shift All alone, staring at my phone
Sin and tonic Stupid promise Something like a death wish All alone, stare into my soul
You’ve never been one for one-night stands, but for him, there is a chance you’d make an exception.
You down the drink, drawing on the courage of the gin as you stand, making your way over to him. You identify his book, first; ironically, it’s one of your favorites, and a smile tugs at your lips as you approach. He looks up in surprise, before his expression smoothens into something close to neutrality. “Well, well, the voyeur finally decides to encounter their muse, eh?” he says, and his voice washes over your ears like silk. It’s gorgeous, with a low pitch and a rasp that makes the ache in your stomach only strengthen.
You take a seat, smiling and blushing to yourself that you’ve been discovered. “I was wondering how long it would take you to notice,” you admit, and he smiles back, folding a worn bookmark into the page he's reading and shutting the book, placing it on the table before turning to you, taking another sip of his own drink. It’s whiskey, made neat; you can tell from the smell across the table.
You sit awkwardly for a moment, listening to the crackling of the fire behind you, before he breaks the silence, his smooth voice taking up space once again.
“Come here often?”
You can’t help but chuckle. “More than I will admit,” you respond, “but it’s nice here. Gives me a chance to slow down after work, and the drinks are lovely.”
He nods, agreeing. “Yes, it’s a good place. Higuruma and I come here often after work; he also enjoys unwinding in a quieter atmosphere.”
Higuruma. That must be his companion. “What do you both do?” you ask, your elbow appearing on the table as the side of your head rests on your open hand. He leans forward then, fully facing the table, and sighs. “He’s a lawyer. Ironic, since he’s just finalized his own divorce as well. I stick to the salary business. It’s boring, but it’s something. Pays the bills at the end of the day.”
You hum. “If I may be honest, you don’t look as if you’re happy there at all.”
He laughs at that, a jovial laugh that isn’t obnoxiously loud; it’s just enough to be between the two of you. “Yes, well, dealing with finance is never an enjoyable activity, but I’ve been in it long enough now where I can find my own pleasures. Especially outside of work when I can look at such a pretty lady, if I do say so myself.”
The blush that appears on your cheeks is bright red, you can feel it as you look down bashfully. “Oh, don’t get shy on me now,” you hear him say as he reaches across the table, lightly touching your chin and raising your face to look back at him. There’s a softness in his gaze, one that you’re not used to. The touch is gentle as well, and you’re praying that he can’t feel the spark you felt as soon as his fingertips touched your skin.
Instead, you opt for teasing him.
“That was a bit forward, wasn’t it?”
He pales, moving his hand away. “Oh, God, sorry, I just—”
You grab his hand, a smile on your lips again as you hold it between your own, rolling your eyes. “Kidding. Promise,” you reassure him as his face relaxes again in relief, “I’d have said something much faster if you crossed a line, don’t worry. Although to me, it seems you don’t enjoy doing that very often. Salarymen are always so by the book.”
He nods, rolling his eyes as well. “I try not to be. Hence me attempting to read books more,” he gestures to the book on the table, “and being here. It’s not as public as many people have dragged me to, but it’s intimate enough where it feels nice to unwind.” He takes another swig of his whiskey, his cheeks dusted a light pink from the alcohol.
You both chat about other things, such as the books you’re reading, what you do for your job, your favorite drinks and what speakeasies and intimate bars you’ve both been to. Before you know it, it’s dark outside, and you’re fumbling for your bag and your keys, cursing at how long you’ve stayed. “I know it’s Friday,” you say, standing, “but I always like to be home a little early. That way I can pour a glass of wine after being here and relax even more.”
He’s standing up with you almost mechanically, tucking his book into a briefcase you didn’t notice before. There’s a flash of black-and-white print inside of the case, but you don’t get a good look before he shuts it and locks it, smiling at you and offering his hand.
“Well, I can’t allow for a stunning woman such as yourself to walk home alone, yes?”
You’re tempted to say no. You know for a fact this is a decision you’re either going to regret or enjoy, but at the point you are at with knowing him better than some of your own coworkers who you’ve worked beside for years, your better judgment is shelved for an impulse decision.
You take his hand.
“Well, well, Kento, I will take you up on the offer. What a kind gesture to someone who's been staring at you for weeks. How do you know I don’t have terrible intentions?” you ask him as he walks with you to the door, hand in hand. He looks back at you with a smile, crinkling the edges of his eyes.
“I’m quite good at reading people.”
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“Need you, Kento.”
The plea comes out as a whine, the blonde man’s head between your thighs as he laps at your center. He looks up at you through his eyelashes, and you feel your obsession roaring in your ears as he smirks against you. “How do you need me, darling?” he whispers, and your hips buck into his face, forcing him to return to sucking on your sensitive clit.
“Anywhere. Everywhere. Forever.” It’s all coming out as senseless babbles, your hands deep in his hair, tugging on the strands and scratching at his scalp as his strong hands hold your legs apart, your thighs twitching against his grip. He doesn’t stop what he’s doing; he doesn’t seem to mind your comments, either, even if they do seem a little intense at the moment. It seems he either knows his effect on you, or he enjoys hearing about it.
The latter makes you wetter just thinking about it.
You’d had him walk you home, sharing a glass of wine on your couch as you discussed your favorite pieces of literature, the books strewn across the floor in the flurry of motion instigated by Kento himself. “Please do not take this the wrong way,” he had whispered, before placing the wine glass on the coffee table, “but I cannot stand staring at your lips and doing nothing about them.”
You’d kissed him then, whiskey and wine and a calming feeling flooding your veins as your lips moved against him, his large hands cupping your face so gently as if he didn’t want to harm you. But little did he know, that was what you craved; you wanted him to devour you, to make you think of nothing but him. If you were hung up on him for the rest of your life, you would be satisfied.
Come and get that honeySweeter than I ever knewTell me that you love meLove me till my lips turn blue
“K-Kento—”
He leans back, his fingers having been added to the mix, squelching as he scissors you open so deliciously well that your back is arching. His thumb, locked onto your clit, keeps it under a steady rhythm as you cry out. Every brush against the sensitive area is tightening that coil in your stomach, your whole body trembling beneath him. You can feel it, the climax roaring into you like a shockwave. “Gonna c—”
He leans over you then, his lips centimeters away from your ear, and growls.
“Cum for me, sweet thing. Cum all over my fingers, I know you can do it.”
The explosion of emotions that comes out of you, the noises, everything feels like a dam bursting as your soaking pussy twitches and drools all over his fingers, dripping onto the couch as you cum harder than you ever have before. The whole world seems to fall away except for Kento’s face, a haloed silhouette, like an angel coming to deliver you from everything that’s harmed you.
He looks down and grins, as if he’s proud of his handiwork, and as he looks back at you, you cannot help but watch him as you ride out your high.
I love you falls from your lips, but he doesn’t bat an eye. He doesn’t even flinch; in fact, his motions only get more aggressive as he fucks you into overstimulation, tears pricking at your eyes and breaking your lashline, sliding down your cheeks.
“Say it again.”
“W-What?” it comes out choked as you shudder underneath him, his fingers only continuing their movements.
“Say it again.”
“I love you?”
“Say it more confidently. Come on, sweet thing.” He sounds exasperated, and in your vulnerable state, all you want to do is please him. Make him want to stay with you, make him live inside of your bones.
“I love you. I will love you forever if you’ll let me, I—”
“Fuck, that’s good,” he whispers as he finally relents, removing his fingers from your center. He doesn’t wipe them on his slacks, however…instead, he chooses to prod at your lips, his other hand brushing away your tears. You obey within a beat, sucking on your own juices underneath him, watching his pupils dilate. His gaze is dark; it’s like his own obsession with you is forming, a mutual delusion you both can share.
His hand removes itself from your mouth, before his belt clinks and you hear the zipper of his pants echo around the room, clearing the post-climax daze and fluff that had been stuffed in your head. You clench as you feel the head of his fat cock brush against your abused opening, and he leans down close to you, his broad, bare chest flush with your own.
“God, you’re everything,” he whispers as he slides in, and your mind goes blank.
If I fall in every time Wicked love will leave me blind Yeah, I knew it I been through it
Oh god Can you make my heart stop? Hit me with your kill shot, baby I mean it, so serious
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divider credit: @/benkeibear
networks: @thehoneypotserver @enchantedforest-network
disclaimer: DO NOT copy or repost my works for any reason. translations are acceptable, but please ask for permission first!
© kakuchari 2023-2024
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"she didnt take much notice of you last time" theyre so fucking cute
#its an interesting space bc what is this like a week after the flux give or take?#which for the doctor also only lasted like a few days at most. for yaz years obviously but#the relief of the reunion + the promise of 'i'll try not to hide things from you anymore' seems to have like. opened doors#plus yaz came out obvs. i wonder if that changed anything on her side but i dont think much?#shes been like this since the beginning but i think theres a little bit more openness here in this ep bc. shes. hopeful. maybe. ouch#but also i think that like there wasnt much opportunity for this earlier like if you imagine between revolution and flux#i dont think they were having a LOT of fun#like frustrations have been building for a While in the halloween apocalypse#theres a tension and a holding back there that i think is relieved a little bit in the sea devils episode#which makes it so sad that it's immediately put back on at the end#bc theyre so FUCKING cute#'have i impressed you yet? :)'#'you cant impress me anymore <3'#its adorable#the doctor trying so hard and yaz being like babe ive known you for 5 years the time for cool first impressions is Definitely over#which is like so much better bc the doctor is trying to catch up and start from the beignning as usual and yaz is like#'yeah i WAS impressed. like the first day. i just love you now'#like yaz has been impressed infatuated heartbroken frustrated and disappointed like. we're Well Past impressed hfgjkghj#and the doctor is like i can win her over!!!#its adorable. i want 5 big finish boxsets of this behaviour#or you know 3 of this 2 of bickering we can mix it up
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whateveriwant · 5 months
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Task force 141 reacting to their very pregnant wife still trying to clean, cook etc
This turned more into ‘Task force 141 preventing their very pregnant wife from trying to clean, cook, etc’ lmaooooo I hope that's alright
Price
HA! Good one!
No seriously, it's actually hilarious that you think you'd do anything for yourself when your hubby's around
That man has been waiting on you hand and foot since you first got together. So now that you're pregnant and you think he'd let you so much as lift a finger? You must have a serious case of pregnancy brain, sweetheart
Price is doing all the cooking, the cleaning, the running errands, etc. throughout the entirety of your pregnancy (and at least the first several months postpartum)
He's kept you practically bed bound these last few months to the point where you think there's a perfect indent of your body molded into the mattress
Seven months in, he's suddenly called away to a quick mission halfway across the globe, and you think finally you'll get some of your autonomy back...
Well, think again because who should show up at your door the next morning than your mother-in-law herself, ready to pick up where her son left off
She came at the behest of your husband, of course, and was armed with a detailed set of care instructions
What does your husband think you are? Some sort of one-of-a-kind, priceless artifact that needs special handling? (Actually that's exactly what you are. Price-less… I'll see myself out 🚶🏻‍♀️)
Ghost
When it comes to having some semblance of independence during your pregnancy, Ghost will give you a bit of a longer leash than Price, but only just so
You’re going for a walk around the neighborhood? Hold on, let him grab his coat to join you. Or you're going into the backyard to tend the garden? He'll pull the weeds while you water the plants
But when it comes to letting you do certain things, there are some hard nos that he will absolutely not budge on
You try to use a stepladder to reach the top of the cupboard? Stop! You'll break your neck! You try to pick up anything heavier than 10 pounds? Stop! Give it here! You try to drive?... Don't even fuckin' think about it, precious.
The farther along your pregnancy progresses, the better he gets at predicting (and intercepting) your next move
You were gonna do laundry today? Well, wouldn't you know, he's already got a load going in the washer. You were about to make dinner? Well shucks, he just ordered takeaway from that Greek place you love
His ability to read your mind is honestly impressive once you get past how damn annoying you find it. Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you're incapable of fending for yourself, and you're tired of him acting as if otherwise
But really, you can never get mad at anything he does for you. After all, what kind of a husband would he be if he didn't take care of his missus and your little one?
Soap
If you take Ghost’s cautiousness, mix it with Price’s thoroughness, and crank it up to an 11, you get Soap
From the moment he found out you were pregnant, he put your house into full lockdown mode, stopping just short of booby trapping the front door in case you got any funny ideas
You want some fresh air? Just open a window. You want to go for a walk and stretch your legs? Just take a few turns about the living room like you're some Austenian heroine
Don't let him catch you doing any kind of physical labor, because so help him Jesus he will grab a spray bottle and use it like you're a feral alleycat he's trying to house-train (he wouldn't really... but don't test him)
You try to unload the dishwasher? Ehrr! Wrong move. You try to remake the bed? Ehrr! Nice try. You try to mop up your own mess. Ehrr! Enough already. You try to– OCH, WOULD YE BLOODY SIT DOWN, WOMAN?!
For nine long months during his requested leave from work, your husband is attached to you like some kind of loving, smothering barnacle
But doesn't he miss his job, or the lads for that matter? What if the world needs saving? What will they do without him?
Well, (in his exact words) fuck the rest of the world! You're his world, bonnie, and he'll give you everything you could ever wish for and then some
Gaz
By far, you have the most independence with Gaz than you would with any of the other three men… at least, at the beginning of your pregnancy, that is
Once you get to around five or six months he becomes just as helicopter-y as all the others; he's just ever so slightly more bearable, perhaps
There's lots of peeking his head around the corner to check on you throughout the day or appearing seemingly out of thin air whenever you're doing something he'd rather you wouldn't
You've lost count of the number of times you've been in the middle of cooking or hanging up the laundry or whatever and his hand has suddenly appeared out of nowhere, gently taking the object from you before directing you to sit and rest
And like, look. He knows you can handle yourself. He knows you could conquer the whole world if you wanted to. That's one of the things he loves about you the most
But seeing you like this – so fragile, so vulnerable, so beautiful and soft and pregnant with his child; his child – it just… It makes him…
He just needs to do these things for you, alright, love? Just let him take care of you, please? Would you let him do that?
You already have so much you have to carry. Let him ease some of the burden off your shoulders. Let him do these small things for you because they don't even compare to all that you're doing for him 🥲
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Sacrificial Lamb reader/vampire priest.
Just consider— a cute little lamb reader lying on the altar, begging not to be slaughtered, the tears their crying making the vampires heart flutter. All the cult members are confused why the ritual keeps getting pushed back- meanwhile the vampire is spoiling his little lamb rotten.
ohioohooohiohoo
His hands are gentle, stroking your cheek as you wake slowly, your eyes flutter open slowly to the morning light, and there he is, your keeper.
"Morning," you yawn sleepily,
"Good morning, little one,"
"is it a good morning? I thought my execution was scheduled for today." you huff, you should be more scared but the soft look on his face can only mean one thing. you get out of bed and change idly, not minding the priest as he watches you, he's a man of god after all, there's no way he'd be looking at you in lust.
"ah well, we thought so but some knew doctrine has come to light, now is not the time for sacrifices. we'll have to wait for next winter, at the very least," he says. You hum thoughtfully turning back to face him, his hungry red eyes fixed on your body, flicking up to meet your face as you turn around.
"Well, I'll make myself useful until winter then." When you were born, it had been prophecized that you would be sacrificed to the gods and your death would bring about a new golden age for your homeland. Then, on your eighteenth birthday, you'd been handed over to the church, to live out your final days in the temple, under the watchful gaze of the father and his dedicated cult. Your execution has been postponed four times now.
You wondered if the cultists even bothered setting up the altar this time. it was always something, the stars weren't aligned properly, the materials were all wrong, you fell ill and couldn't be slaughtered while sick, and now, Spring was a time for rebirth, you'd have to wait for winter for the ritual. which winter? who's to say? it might be another few years before he tries to start your sacrifice again.
He comes up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist. he puts his nose to your throat and kisses your skin. "You could be useful to me now," he breathes, his voice strained, tight with hunger. You had been so scared the first time you'd almost been killed, you remembered sobbing and pleading for your life, his knife poised above your throat, He told you that you could live, for now, if you served the cult and him. Of course, you agreed, that was the first time he bit you, spilling your blood on the altar in a different way.
You lean your neck to the side and sigh as you feel his fangs pierce your skin. you have to lean back against him for support as he drinks your blood and you grow weaker.
"so perfect, so delicious," he murmurs to himself as he drinks your blood, licking at your throat, catching any stray drops of blood. His hands slide down your body feeling up your hips and thighs. You can feel his hard cock pressing against your back as he slowly grinds against you. The priest is chaste, a man of god, but he's also a vampire, as he's explained he can't help but get erect when he feeds it's a natural side effect and completely nonsexual.
He pins you down on the bed and pushes your legs apart, grinding against you, fully clothed, as he bites your neck again. you feel dizzy, a mix of feelings as your blood is drained and as you buck and grind against the vampire on top of you. you try to keep quiet, but you can't help but moan as he takes full advantage of you. You feel dirty, the man who's saved your life so many times now is just trying to eat and here you are getting off, practically masturbating right in front of him with his cock.
You can feel how large his dick is as you grind together, you can't help but wonder what it would feel like if he pulled your underwear aside and fucked you properly while he drained your blood, the thought alone makes you shudder and press up against him as he continues to dry hump you. although with the sticky feeling between your legs and his wet mouth sucking on your neck, "dry" might be the wrong word.
you bite down on your own hand to muffle the sounds of your pleasure as you cum, still trying to hide your own lust, what would the priest think if he found out you were so lustful? if you were lucky he'd bend you over and spank you for being so sinful, at worst he might chain you down to the sacrificial altar and leave you there.
The priest pulls away, breathless, your blood smeared messily around his mouth "What a mess we've made," he huffs, looking down at your neck, and then his eyes drop further to the place where your bodies meet.
"I can clean it-" you offer weakly,
"no, no little thing, rest, you need to let your body heal, close your eyes, I'll take care of all this," he coos reassuringly, you nod obediently and close your eyes.
You look so venerable like this, he could do almost anything he wanted with you in this weakened state. the prophecy said it had to be a virginal sacrifice, maybe he could halt the ritual permanently if he just took what he'd wanted from the beginning.
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hoshigray · 1 month
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I told you I was going to do it and here I am lmao. Any who reader and Toji are bumming on the couch watching a movie within the movie there is a spicy scene involving 69 that is mediocre. It gives reader an idea to make a bet with Toji to see who can last the longest. Toji isn't budging at first but when the reader mentions that they want to do in the same position within the movie (something they never did before) he gladly accepts the challenge. I'll leave the plot and ending up to you love. I know you will work your magic for him.
69 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐒 𝐒𝐎 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐄 .ᐟ | toji fushiguro
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hehehe ty jazz, i'll do my best for youuu ☆☆☆
𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: Toji x fem/afab! reader - explicit content; minors DNI - masturbation (m! receiving) - 69 position - oral (f! + m! receiving) - impact play (spanking + f! receiving) - overstimulation - clitoral play (licking and sucking) - pet names (baby, doll, mama, pretty thing) - mention of saliva/spit. 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.9k
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“Wow….this movie kinda sucks.”
“Mhm…Aye, y’re the one who wanted to watch this shit.” 
“Well, I mean, at least it’s…semi-enjoyable.”
Toji and you were sitting on the couch, winding down in the living room after a nourishing dinner. One of the many things you liked to do with your man was to watch movies, figuring that would be a perfect thing to do during the downtime to chill and huddle with your man. What you didn’t expect, however, was how underwhelming the movie seemed. 
It was one of those rated R movies batted around within the year, figuring now would be an ideal time to get to it. Welp, it was entertaining enough for you two to continue watching. Now, being midway through, it’s getting a little frustrating to deal with. 
“Oh, okay…” annnnnd now the film has transitioned to an abrupt sex scene….how great. “I guess this is why it’s rated R.”
The sex scene you two were watching was…average at best. You’ve seen way spicier scenes in your life — hell, literal cringey porn you’ve watched with your friends was heavily more explicit than this. There was the rushed kissing, the frantic clothes coming off, no amount of foreplay whatsoever — just heading right into it, exaggerated cries coming from the woman as the guy frantically humps her nude frame.
You observe the scene through a neutral gaze as you lay against Toji’s side, his arm stretched to your shoulder to keep you close. But then, your head tilts when something on the screen catches your attention. 
The camera pans to the guy’s face, who’s lying on the bed as the other straddles them, facing his lower half. For a few seconds, you can only see the guy’s face until the camera follows him going closer to the girl’s ass that’s hovered before him. His tongue sticks out before he propels his mouth to her bottom, and her muffled moans can be heard off-screen with his grunts. 
Loud, amateur sounds aside, the position sparked something for you to turn and ask the following to your boyfriend: “Hey, Toji?” He hums, feeling the vibration of his voice from your hand on his chest. “Have you ever done that position?”
You can see his eyebrows trench down — not bewildered by your question, but pondering how he could answer truthfully. “Mmm…I think so? Been a long while, though.”
You nod aimlessly with your eyes glued to the screen, hearing the woman’s whimpers get a bit louder as the guy grasps her ass while “eating her out.” The thought of being on top of Toji and his mouth and hands on your body like that, you had to bite the inside of your cheek to remind yourself not to get too—
“Why you ask; ya horny?” Well, you can’t be too modest around this man, huh. You finally turn to look at him, prepared for the smirk he greets you with. A smile is all you reply with. “Sorry, baby, I don’t know about tonight. Kinda tired.” 
For a few seconds, you’re on his side. You understand he’s a little fatigued from work today and only wants to chill with his partner. However, a tiny part of you – the devilish cutie side – takes over and slides your hand from his chest. Down to his hard abs covered by his black wife beater, stopping at his clothed inner thigh, resulting in him hitching his breath. 
“Tired?” You say in a soft tune, your eyes peering down to your hand as it rubs on his thigh, inching further and further in. You take note of Toji’s fingers tapping on your shoulder – a silent warning. “Are you sure about that?” 
“You better move that hand, Y/n.” His body jolts when your hand creeps up to his groin, motioning around it with provocative kneads. 
“Hmm, why?” You play coy, placing kisses on the underside of his chin. “You tired of me?” 
He throws his head back at your soft lips, attacking his neck while your hand comes to the hem of his sweatpants. A shaky breath is released at the contact of your cold fingers on his warm erection. “Hmmm…could never be tired of you….Ahhh,“ your forefinger swipes around the glans.
“Then what are you so scared of?” You keep pressing on, sucking on his skin under your lips. His length gets firmer under your grasp, veins grazed by your fingertips. “Scared you wouldn’t last longer than me?”
“Ohh, don’t play with me, Y/n,” Toji grunts, the hand on your shoulder grips your cardigan. His erect cock throbs on your palm, and precum begins to leak out from you, playing with the tip. “–Mmmph…I already told you I wasn’t feelin’ it tonight.”
Liar, you say to yourself, noting him breathing slowly while you massage his balls. “Please, Toji?” You ask sweetly to his ear, his hand coming down to your waist as you stroke him off. “I never done that position before, but it looks real fun…I wanna do it with you.” 
Toji doesn’t give in easily, looking at you with a raised brow. So you throw in another please with an innocent pout and two bats of the eyes to seal the deal. He chortles; how can he say no to you looking at him like that? “Bet I can make you lose within the first few minutes.” 
You beam at him, “Bet I can make you cum first.”
“Y’re not gonna last for very long, princess, I can promise you that.”
A smirk pulls your cheeks. “Let’s try it out then.”
And just like that, with a mutual agreement, the challenge was put to the test. 
So here you are, straddling on top of Toji on the living room couch, both your bottoms and his sweats on the cold floor. Your bare ass out in front of him to see as he lies with his head on the couch pillow. Your front facing his legs, and his dick erected for you to lick and suck on. 
It started slow in the beginning; Toji massages your asscheeks as you lick around the glans and stroke his girth. “Mmmm, just like that, mama,” he praises, egging you on to take in more of him. Your mouth bobbing up and down his shaft, gradually taking in inch by inch until your mouth reaches the hilt. “Fuuck, feels so good…”
You aren’t forgotten either, Toji starting with slow licks, his tongue lapping your labia. You mewl on his cock, voluntarily moving your hips to satiate the throbs of your cunt. Shit, you love it when he eats you out, but this position makes you turn on even more — unable to see what he’s doing, letting his hands and tongue speak for himself. 
And you have to give it to yourself; you mangled to survive for a little while! The first minute was just him warming you up, teasing your folds with swishes to get you real wet as you blow him, his fingers groping your ass as his thumb plays around your ass taint. It all had you riled up, rocking your lower half so much that the man had to station you still for him to feast on your wetness properly. 
It wasn’t until you felt his tongue brush up on your clitoris did shit get serious. One sharp, muffled gasp paired with a jolt from your body. Of course, Toji noticed, his grin coming from ear to ear. “Oh, did I do that?” Yes, you did, you bastard. “Heh, you are not ready for this, baby…”
He says this before stuffing his mouth back into your leaky chasm so his tongue could swirl around your slit with vigor so rough that you nearly choked on your gasp for air. “—Oohh!! W–Wait, Toji, not so—Ahhn!” Fast licks have you squirm, prompting your man to keep you on him with his hands on your waist. It’s hard to concentrate giving Toji a blowjob with him nibbling on your labia before throwing more laps on your clitoris. 
“Wait, Toji, s-stoop; I’m gonna—Nnaaah!” Your fingers clamp around his girth, howling as he bullies his tongue to enter your vagina, his face buried nose-deep in your ass while sucking on your genitals. “Fuuck, oh shit, I can’t…Ohh, ohhh!!”
And just like that, you release into his mouth before you could even prepare yourself. Your trembling figure jolts with every shock coursing through your body. And Toji drinks your essence with every passing wave, wrapping an arm around your waist to keep you straddled above him. 
Oh fuck, the clarity you experience is mind-blowing every time he eats you out — whimpers escape pretty lips as your sensitive nerves still receive gingerly laps on your soapy folds. That felt way too good, oh my God…
But it doesn’t stop there — no, no. Not with Toji, too pleased with how he made your legs tremble before him. He snickers while spreading your folds, “Pretty thing, look at you winking at me...Nnmm, so fuckin’ good…”
He brings his mouth back to your cunt, and you jerk from the contact as your body is still not rid of the shocks from the previous orgasm. You frantically call for him, trying to writhe your ass away from him. “Ohhnn, Toji, wait, let me rest for a—Ahhhnn!!“
A sharp pain comes from an abrupt smack to your buttcheek, the skin stinging from the impact of Toji’s hand. “Aht, aht, don’t try and run now. You talked big earlier, even when I warned you.” He smacks your ass again, his fingers digging deep into your flesh to pinch. You scream for him — that’s what he wants. “Now you’re gonna sit right here and let the winner have his fill.” 
You can’t argue with him from there; Toji’s hold on you not giving in to your attempts of mercy — same for his mouth on your delicate labia. The noises coming from there are so raunchy, downright erotic, way more than whatever the hell that movie was doing. You could only wail out your cries, eyes spiraling up to your head from every lap to your clit. No point fighting the pleasure, resting your head on his thigh.
But that was short-lived because Toji was quick to correct you with another slap to your butt. Shit came out of nowhere, almost choking on your spit. “C’mon now, doll, you can’t leave me hangin’ here. Suck me off, princess.” He rubs the pain on your butt away, yet you know he’d do it again if you weren’t compliant.
You bring his fat cock back to your face, licking on the tip while stroking him. You take in the head and suck him in, bobbing your head and coating his length with your saliva. Kisses to his glans result in him burrowing his face into your ass again, hungry lips ravishing your tender insides. Jesus, the way his tongue flicks on your clit has you humming on his cock nonstop.
Oh, God, oh fuuuuck, you remove your lips from Toji’s dick, yet your hand keeps gliding up and down. “—Mwah! Hoohhh, oohhh, Tojiiii…! Again, I’m gonna cum, again….Khaa—Ohhhhh!!”
The second orgasm hits you hard, more keenly than the last, and your body quivers on top of Toji once again. Whines come from wet lips as you descend into your haze, and your toes curl as Toji doesn’t withdraw himself until he’s satiated his thirst with every remnant of your fluids. 
With every jolt and shock flowing down your frame, you use this time to let your body ride this high out, placing chaste kisses on Toji’s cock. That is until you feel Toji suck on your folds suddenly. You jump and quake, turning around to beg. “Stooohp; let me rest, please!”
He gives you a smug look with a playful smack to your hot, stinging butt. “Done being curious now, mama?”
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requests/thirsts are open hehe~ 🧸
© 𝐇𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐲 – reblogs and comments are wholeheartedly appreciated ☆ dividers by @/benkeibear.
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peachsayshi · 2 months
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✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄ blessings ⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧
↬ summary: nanami kento tries to be the perfect husband and father but when a tough night fighting curses ends badly it results in nanami snapping at his daughter. 
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ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ minors / ageless / blank blogs (dni) ↬・tags: nanami x female reader; hurt/comfort; nanami has a daughter; domestic drama; being a jujutsu sorcerer is hard; momotarō is a famous Japanese folk tale :c ↬・ wc: 3,383
↬ notes: hi, everyone! I'm currently not really active at the moment so please don't feel disheartened if I haven't been responding to your messages or tagged posts. I'm taking a small break and only coming online for a bit to catch up on some messages, read fics or queue posts. I'll be back to properly posting and interacting soon but in the meantime I wanted to share that I finished up this draft over the weekend. I was actually debating if I should post this but then just decided to go for it! sending all my love xx
nanami’s head is heavy, completely clouded with despair, and it tints his brown eyes a shade of murky gray. the walls of his beautiful home feel narrow, almost claustrophobic, which explains why he’s struggling to catch his breath right now. stepping into the hallway, he instinctively peeks into the dining area to find you and his daughter eating dinner together. she’s sitting on the chair, her legs far too short to even touch the ground, holding a half eaten onigiri between her small hands. you are by her side, sneakily tidying up after her as you brush away the stray beads of rice trickling onto the table. 
a little glow blooms in nanami’s heart at the sight of you both but there is a vicious creature residing in the pit of his stomach that veils the bright light away. 
he quietly takes off his jacket, his bruised fingers loosening the tie around his neck. he clears his throat before announcing with exhaustion to you both that he’s finally home. 
your eyes meet his, the muscles on your face falling immediately. he can practically feel the blood rushing through your veins as worry washes over you. the reaction makes his chest uncomfortably tight, but he knows that he can’t hide his expressions around you like he used to. 
you both move together so fluidly now, like a single body of water that ebbs and flows to its own natural current. 
he escaped the night’s fight with a few cuts and a couple of bad bruises, but there is currently a student on shoko’s table who barely made it through. the young man arrived at jujutsu tech only a couple of weeks ago, but his naive and charismatic qualities turned into fatal flaws in the world of sorcery.
he bit off more than he could chew by trying to take on a special grade curse.  
shoko promised nanami that she would heal the boy, but admitted there was only so much she can do in regards to the aftermath of his injuries. the sorcerer couldn’t bare to leave him behind, but gojo refused that he stay and insisted that he return back home to his pretty wife and adorable daughter immediately. 
“I’ll handle things from here,” is what his superior said, while nanami’s guilt climbed up his throat. 
that student was his responsibility... 
...and he failed him entirely. 
“papa’s home!” his daughter chirps. the pitch of her voice ringing in nanami’s ears to pull him back to the present and far away from the scene where life and death were dancing together in a tango.  “papa, look, look...mama and I made onigiri!” 
her feet bounces up and down, and there’s a touch of a pink against her cheeks when her mouth stretches into a beaming grin. the innocence in her eyes makes nanami falter and he can feel himself falling deeper into the abyss. for a minute he resents himself for selfishly bringing such a beautiful thing into this world, only to gamble with the fact that she may potentially be in his shoes one day. 
he begs for that outcome to never happen, beseeches whatever higher power above him that exists to spare her from this life. she should never have to go through this, never have to experience these heartbreaks that only wither a person down. 
“I can see that,” nanami replies in a low voice before shifting his attention to his feet. 
right now, he can’t stomach an ounce of her purity, and it radiates around her like a halo. she's so unbothered by his presence, so completely unaware of the sudden change in the atmosphere around her... 
“we made tuna, salmon, and veggies...” she babbles on. 
“how nice...” nanami curtly interrupts, before anxiously running his fingers through the strands of his messy blonde hair. 
“which one do you want, papa?” she questions eagerly, pointing her sticky hands at the plate to show off the selection of triangles. 
“sweets,” you interject just as nanami turns on his heel to walk in the other direction, “how about we finish up eating our dinner, and we can save some for your daddy tomorrow...”
“nooo!” she whines far too loudly, which forces nanami to stop dead in his tracks. he glances over his shoulder to see her puffing out her bottom lip with disappointment, “you said...you said we make it so we eat together!” 
she’s only six. 
she can’t perceive that her father is struggling to hold himself together. deep down inside nanami knows that, but it isn’t enough to keep his cool. he doesn’t know why his daughter’s insistence causes him to pinch the front of his brows with annoyance or why he shoots a frustrated look in her direction. 
he doesn’t know why he’s suddenly picturing shoko calling the student’s parents to deliver the news that the man who was supposed to protect their child was unsuccessful in his duty. 
he doesn’t know why he feels at fault for everything that happened, even though the circumstances of the events were completely out of his control.  
he doesn’t know why he’s imagining himself on the receiving end of a very similar call, or why he can’t stop picturing his precious daughter on that table instead…
all of this pummels into him, and the monster emerges out from it’s cave.  
“be quiet and stop making such a fuss.” 
his voice comes out sharper than expected, and the expulsion of his frustration allows him to see the crystal clear picture before him. 
the room is dead silent. 
your face is in full shock at the hissing tone of your sweet husband snapping at his darling baby girl who he only ever speaks to with a gentle voice. 
what truly unravels nanami is the look that his daughter is giving him - her angelic features are sullen, but her eyes remain wide with surprise. her bottom lip is slack, and the only sound he can hear is her uneasy breathing. her eyes, the most beautiful gems in existence, twinkle as tears begin to form and she tries to quickly blink them away before turning her attention back to her plate.  
nanami doesn’t know he managed to stop time itself but the three of you remain frozen in place. 
he regrets his words immediately. 
he wants nothing more than to pull his precious girl close into his chest and smother her with apologies. the part of him with sense tells him to follow through and make things right with her, but instead he begrudgingly continues to wallow in his own self pity as he walks over to his room. 
・゚ ・゚·:。・゚゚・・゚ ・゚·:。・゚゚・
the house is unusually quiet now, the music of domestic joy morphing into hushed murmurs and whispers outside your room door. you settle your crestfallen daughter into her bedroom before moving to check on your husband next. 
fresh out of the shower, nanami is seated on the edge of the bed with his exhausted eyes pressed firmly into the palms of his hands. he exhales a heavy breath, his dirty work clothes still piled just outside the bathroom, and your heart nearly collapses seeing him in such a state of disarray.
you kneel before him, two hands sliding across the soft material of his sweats as you brush them along his thighs before carefully bringing them up to circle around his wrists. 
“kento?” 
he allows you to pull his palms away but your throat constricts when a band forms tightly around your neck. you swallow the lump with an upturn of your brows as you are greeted with red, exhausted eyes. you cup that handsome face in your hands, your thumbs sweetly motioning back and forth across his cheeks as you try to soothe the tension away. 
after all this time together, it hurts you to see that he still tries to hide his tears. nanami constantly holds himself to the highest standard, always ensuring that he can solidify himself as the rock for you and your daughter to depend on through thick and thin. it’s so rare for you to see him crack, to watch him crumble under the overbearing weight of the things that he is burdened to carry. 
“you had a rough night,” you point out in a low, sympathetic voice and he simply just nods his head in acknowledgement. 
his eyes flutter close again when you lean forward to press a tender, reassuring kiss on his brow. “you want a talk about it?” 
the way his voice shakes makes you shiver, but you tentatively listen as he relays the events of the night before finally concluding that satoru called him only a few minutes ago to reassure him that the student in question is alright. 
“he lost an eye, but at least he’s alive...” he concludes somberly, the warble in his final statement prompting you to wrap your arms around his neck as you pull him in for a protective hug. 
nanami receives it with gratitude, strong arms circling around your waist as he buries his nose into the crook of your shoulder and breathes in.
your scent is a reminder of his permanent sanctuary.
a safety, a reassurance of home.
you stroke his blonde locks between your fingers until he exhales, "i'm so sorry," he breathes, "I...I didn't mean to snap like that..."
a tiny smile tugs at the corners of your lips, and you unravel yourself to cup his jaw into your palms once again. "I appreciate the apology, but I don't think I should be on the receiving end of it..." you hint sweetly.
nanami closes his eyes guiltily. "I'm a horrible father."
you click your tongue with disappointment, your face falling as your disapproval pinches between the space of your brows.
"you're just human," you remind him defensively, "you're a wonderful father, the best man that our daughter can look up to"
"did you see the look on her face?" he replies, his voice unnaturally small. the tender expression he gives you is filled with regret, and it's enough to make your heart ache all over again.
"kento," you contend, "don't do this to yourself. we're both going to have days where we mess up, but that doesn't mean that the problem can't be fixed."
you thread his hair between your fingers, like your brushing through rays sunlight. "she's waiting for me to read her a bedtime story," you explain, "but I'm sure she would rather be with you instead..."
"I doubt that," your husband replies as he reaches for your hand to kiss the inside of your palm.
"we will always love you, kento," you answer back, "unconditionally. on your good days and your bad ones"
he didn't even know how desperately he needed to hear that, for your certainty to remedy away all his sorrows, until they actually left your lips.
your husband's throat tightens, tears pricking his eyes once more but he hides them away when he leans in to seek out a kiss from the woman whose heart he deeply adores.
・゚ ・゚·:。・゚゚・・゚ ・゚·:。・゚゚・
nanami leans his shoulder against the frame of his daughter's room. his heart patters lightly, making him realize that he might actually be nervous. it's strange, he thinks, that he would feel hesitant to approach his own child considering that he was her guardian but nanami had never allowed his professional life to fracture into his personal one like this before.
she's seated on the floor next to a pile of books and her stuffed rabbit secured tightly underneath her arm. there's a warmth in his chest when when he makes note of the soft toy, because he purchased that himself the day she was born and the pair have been inseparable ever since.
he clears his throat, bringing his scuffed knuckles to gently knock on the door.
"my love?" he calls out to her.
his daughter perks up, her breathing changing slightly as it rises and falls with a hint of apprehension. she glances over her shoulder to see him.
"where's mama?" she asks, her question shattering the man into a million pieces at her subtle dismissal.
"taking a shower," he answers cooly, "but I'm here to get you ready for bed..."
her lovely eyes refuse to lock into his own, and she simply tucks her lip between her bottom teeth to avoid giving nanami a reply.
she looks so much like him when he was a child. he remembered when his parents used to scold him too, and how he would also hide away in his room. the only difference is that nanami's parents were far more traditional - a time where elders were never submissive to young hearts.
"may I come in?" he requests politely, ensuring that his daughter knew she had a choice if she wanted to speak to him.
her nostrils flare slightly while she considers him, but to his relief she nods her head eagerly.
nanami steps into her room, always feeling largely out of place amongst her things. "did you find a story for bed?" he asks.
she again quietly nods her head and picks up her favorite book; a compilation of japanese folktales with beautiful illustrations. you both have been reading one for her each night ever since she got it it as a present from her grandparents.
he crouches on his knees to meet her at eye level. "you've really been enjoying this one, haven't you?" he carries on, hoping to coax more words out of her.
“yeah,” she replies in the same mousy voice of uncertainty. she shifts her attention away when she stands on her feet, clutching onto the stuffed bunny tightly while her other hand swings the book by her side.
“and what tale are we reading tonight?”
she shrugs her shoulders with indifference, a hint of pink blushing her cheek. “I dunno. I…I can just until mama is ready…”
nanami visibly slumps. her rejection an entirely new painful experience that he's never endured before. he scratches the back of his head anxiously, finding himself at a loss for words. the seconds pass, an awkward bubble surrounding both father and daughter. it’s only broken when nanami exhales a sigh, and reaches his hands towards her waist to draw her into his frame.
“darling,” he addresses tenderly, “can you look at me?”
“no, you were mean…” she blurts out, her bottom lip trembling slightly.
nanami’s heart sinks.
that’s the first time he’s ever heard those words from her lips.
“I know,” he murmurs shamefully.
her mouth forms into a tiny button of a pout but she meets his eyes for the first time as he acknowledges his behavior.
nanami arches forward to kiss her forehead, “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that, sweetheart. I’m so sorry if I upset or scared you”
she fidgets with the book in her hand. “did you not want onigiri?” she asks, her innocence tugging the corners of her father’s lips into a small grin.
“it wasn’t the onigiri, my love,” he reassures, “daddy just…had a bad day at work…”
“why was it bad?”
nanami sighs once again.
she still doesn’t know that he’s a sorcerer. you’ve both reduced his position to her by simply explaining that nanami “helps and protects people".
thankfully your daughter doesn’t pry too hard to ask any further questions.
“someone I know got hurt. so, daddy was a little shaken up when he came home…”
"shaken up?"
"scared, my love"
his daughter shakes her head in disbelief, “nu-uh, you never get scared, papa” she rebuts.
nanami huffs out a laugh, flashing her a full grin now as he brings his fingers to his chin to to ponder her sweet statement. he quirks his brow and cheekily replies, "we can't all be brave like you," in an attempt to lighten the mood.
his daughter narrows her eyes towards his hand, her mind instantly distracted with other things already. "you got hurt too papa!" she gasps, dropping the bunny by her side to point at his knuckles.
nanami glances at his fingers covered in red marks.
"wait!" she exclaims as she places the book by his side. "I have something!"
she spins on her heel and rushes towards one of her drawers. meanwhile, nanami just takes her in with his love soaked eyes, watching as she rummages through her stuff with determination until she scurries back his way.
"got it!" she squeaks with a smile, and to his surprise she jumps right into his arms with such nonchalance it nearly make him crumble on the spot.
your voice echoes in the back of his mind: "we will always love you, kento. unconditionally. on your good days and your bad ones"
"mama bought it for me," she explains, regaining her father's attention once more.
nanami rests his cheek on her shoulder, and inhales her powdery scent as he keeps one arm warmly secured around her waist. he watches her peel off the plaster of the band aid, lbefore grabbing his hand and placing it unevenly over his knuckles.
"now a kiss!" she adds, as she brings his hand to her mouth and exaggerates a loud "mwah" sound for emphasis. "mama says the kiss is what makes it all better"
nanami instantly feels significantly better from this remedy of love. he extends his digits out, and looks at the hot pink "hello kitty" band aid that now rests comfortably on his knuckles.
"thank you, my darling," he coos and peppers her cheek with a few kisses before turning her to face him once again. "you made me feel a lot better"
she flashes him an equally large smile in return, showing off her missing teeth.
"I did?"
nanami chuckles as he scoops her up in his arms to give her a well deserved bear hug. she laughs as he stands on his two feet, and sheds away any lingering thoughts of apprehension that may have stuck.
"you always do," he reassures, his soul vibrating back to life when he feels her return his embrace. “you think you can forgive me for how I spoke earlier?”
“yeah,” she confirms and squeezes him just a little tighter. "I love you lots, papa"
"oh, my angel," he hums, "you have no idea just how much I love you too..."
・゚ ・゚·:。・゚゚・・゚ ・゚·:。・゚゚・
after winding down from your evening pampering session, you decide to pass by your daughter's room to check on your little family. you peer through the cracked door to find nanami spread out on your daughter’s bed, with your daughter curled into side and her head resting on his chest.
“did I come from a peach too like momotarō?” you hear her ask, but your heart flutters at the sight of your husband’s pearly whites.
you’ll never get over how much you love seeing him smile with such genuine emotion.
“no,” you hear nanami reply calmly, his finger lightly holding the page open. “you remember your mother explaining how you used to live in her stomach first?”
“oh yeah,” your daughter replies with a hint of disappointment over the fact that she was not birthed from a piece of fruit as mentioned in one of her favorite folk tales.
“shall I carry on?”
“uh-huh,” she answers and she readjusts her position to get even more comfortable. "I think if we look hard enough we might find momotarō..."
"you think so?" your husband wonders with honest curiosity.
"I know so, papa!"
"how many peaches do you think we need to check?"
"hmmm," she mumbles, "maybe a million?"
"a million?" your husband dramatically replies, "that's a lot of peaches don't you think,"
"I mean, it's less than a billion..." she responds quite matter of factly.
you catch his gaze from between the door that’s ajar. his expression fully relaxes, and you smile knowingly in his direction at the sight of father and daughter making up.
“papa?” his daughter questions upon his sudden silence, but your husband keeps his focus on you as he hums in acknowledgement before replying, "you're not wrong, but it'll still be quite a challenge to cut through a million peaches..."
"we might need some help," your daughter adds on.
you blow him a secret kiss as to not interrupt further, and quietly close the door before heading back to your bedroom.
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Spare Me Your Mercy - LN/MV
Summary: Lando's interest is sparked in another girl, so he ends things between himself and y/n. But he's a fool to think she not high on the market of interest for others. Her single status lasts a matter of hours and she's less than bothered about his feelings when he didn't care about hers.
The vote for the ending was basically 50/50 (even so slightly in favour of reader staying with Max). But I don't think people realised how Lando is going to look in this fic. Like...how bad he is going to look. So what I'm going to do is write the fic with the ending and have a vote at the end to know if people still want an alternative ending that she goes back to Lando, or if you're happy with the ending with Max. VOTE AT THE BOTTOM
Themes: Smut (protected! yay!), cheating, dating ex's friend, quickly moving on (kind of)
No part 2 requests please
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Lando sighs as he wakes up with y/n cuddling against him. He doesn't really waste time carefully rolling her away and off of him before he reaches for his phone while she stirs just enough to shift to a more comfortable position then settling again while he gets up and moves to a different part of the suite.
He gets about half an hour to himself before she appears, smiling lightly at him as she finds him. Clearly.
"Morning baby." Y/n smiles passing behind him and kissing him on top of the head. "Did you order breakfast?"
"I'm going to leave and grab it at the track. Are you ok to catch up with me later? I know you need to shower and you can order for food here without me." Lando states watching her place the menu down and turn back to him, her smile wavering.
"I can be quick."
"No. I don't want to rush you." Lando states quickly making her definitely withhold a sigh before she nods.
"Alright, I'll get a ride." Y/n nods then sighing. "I'm going to go shower."
"I'll probably get changed and leave in a few minutes, so I might be gone by the time you're finished." Lando mumbles already refocused on his phone.
Y/n doesn't even bother to reply quickly moving into the bathroom, trying to force back tears.
Lando can be moody sometimes and if things in F1 are stressing him out, he can be a little stand-offish but even this feels like she's the one doing something wrong to cause this.
As warned, Lando is gone by the time she appears from the shower and she sighs getting herself dressed and texting Oscar to see if he is still in the hotel just for an easy lift.
"Lando left already?" Oscar asks as she meets him in the lobby, her usual soft smile and bright attitude exuding from her despite the inner turmoil.
"Yeah, I think he's just feeling a bit down at the moment and wants to get some extra time in with the team." Y/n explains feeling like she's trying to convince herself more than just explain to Oscar who just nods.
"We're not on the start that we were hoping for, but I think we'll pick it back up." Oscar states then smiling.
"I know you guys will. Anyway, thanks for the ride. I could've got to the paddock another way, but I figured it was worth asking."
"It's no problem, any time. I think you could probably ask any of the drivers and they'd give you a ride."
Y/n frowns at the slight undertone of his comment but doesn't ask anything about what he means.
-
Getting into the paddock, Lando was in a pretty intense conversation with a girl who seemed to be a VIP guest but as soon as he saw y/n and Oscar arriving. The girl spots them too and seems to leave immediately before y/n reaches them while Oscar goes off with his trainer.
"Hey, who was that?" Y/n questions with a smile. "She doesn't need to leave on my accord."
"Uhh...no one important. Come on." Lando shrugs but he looks concerned or almost annoyed as he takes y/n's hand and gently tugs her towards the unit.
When they get to the unit Lando practically ignores the team as he passes people before getting to his room and closing the door, his gaze looking everywhere but y/n and she doesn't need to be a genius to know what's happening.
"Don't do this." Y/n all but whimpers before stuttering in a heavy breath trying to force back any tears. "We can work through this."
He finally forces his gaze to meet her own and it's then she knows his mind is made up.
"I'm sorry, y/n. It's just not working. It's not anything you did, but-"
"You're piece of shit. I don't want to hear whatever pathetic excuses you have." Y/n hiccups then stepping back when he moves forward as if to comfort her. "Is it that girl?"
"What?"
"Is she why you're doing this?" Y/n frowns, her body trembling in a fight of trying not to crumple to the floor but she knows if she doesn't get out soon she's about to make a pathetic display to her now ex-boyfriend.
"There might be someone new who-"
"You fucking asshole." Y/n chokes out not even caring that she pushing past him.
She's not even sure she can breathe when she stumbles out his driver room.
"Y/n, stop." Lando tries but the moment she hears his footsteps too close, she takes off.
They've dated for over 2 years. He used to say that he was going to marry her and that a future without her isn't one he's interested in. And now he's been cheating on her.
"Y/n!" Lando exclaims as she runs out the unit, the crowd doesn't hide the fact they notice her.
"Fuck." Y/n hiccups before pushing her way through the crowd. She's not even sure where she's heading.
Somehow she ends up in some of the grandstands and since it's just a Thursday. They're empty aside for maybe a couple people who seem to give her the respect of space.
Managing to calm herself down, she really just tries to keep herself calm.
She leans back in the seat, the reality really sinking in but it's not actually long before she finds herself in the company of someone she really wasn't expecting.
"Hey, y/n." Max greets making her look at him sharply.
Now usually she can hide any negative emotions, snuff them out with a smile and polite greeting.
"I'm not really in the mood for company Max. I'm sorry." Y/n states watching him frown.
"I know you are sad...a lot of people in orange are looking for you." Max comments earning a laugh. "Whatever Lando did. I'm sure he didn't want to hurt you."
"He cheated on me. And she's here at the race." Y/n laughs dryly before covering her mouth. Saying it out loud really just struck a new chord of pain. But she is not going to cry again. Especially not in front of Max.
Clearly the reason for her disappearance hadn't been shared because Max looks pretty shocked at her words.
"He brought her here. I don't know why he decided to bring me this weekend. But I need to figure out how to get out of here today with fuck all money to pay for a last minute flight home, I can't afford a hotel room and I'm certainly not fucking staying or accepting his guilty charity." Y/n hiccups since Lando might be a cheating asshole.
But in every other way, he's been the best boyfriend in the world. Why he had to ruin it she doesn't understand.
"I'll...take care of you. You can come to Red Bull, or I can just give you my key and you can stay in my room-I'll get another."
"No. That's just as bad as letting someone pay for a room. I'll figure it out."
"You just did and I helped. Come on." Max states making it clear he's not taking no for an answer. He stands up looking around as if to check that no one else is heading her way and has found her before he smiles and holds his hand out for her, though she looks at it for a moment. "You can trust me, y/n."
Y/n sighs taking Max's hand and admittedly feeling some comfort in knowing that while Lando might be a dick. He doesn't actually represent the whole of the male half of the species.
Walking through the paddock with Max, he sort of protects her as much as possible using his body to block the view of her from cameras and the sight of others.
"You can stay here or I can get you a ride to the hotel."
"I...Yeah, I just want to get out of here." Y/n nods making Max nod since he definitely gets it. Who would want to stick around their ex's place of work?
"Actually, I'll give you a ride. Say it's an emergency."
"No. No. Really-"
"Let me, y/n." Max cuts in looking at her with an expression that shuts her up. "I like having a reason to get away from media."
Y/n actually laughs a little at that before she sighs and nods gesturing for him to lead the way.
To y/n's surprise Max manages to perk up her mood, just taking about all sorts. The yapping is just nonstop but she didn't realise it would work so well to distract her from her own distress.
When they get to the hate, y/n realises it's the same one as Lando and her are staying at.
"They've cleaned up so you can sleep on the bed if you want to rest, it's all clean. Order room service if you're hungry. Tv-I won't talk you through it, I'm sure you know how it works." Max smiles then seeming to try and stop himself from rambling.
"Thank you, Max...for taking care of me."
"Well...Lando might be my friend but that doesn't mean he's right...I've thought for a while that he should treat you better." Max shrugs earning a smile from the young woman.
"Thank you."
"You don't need to thank me. Just focus on yourself. I'll be back later."
"Ok I guess...I'll see you later." Y/n smiles before moving and hugging Max who actually surprises her with how tightly he holds her in return, even lifting her up from the ground a little. "You give really good hugs."
"I think you needed a really good hug." Max states still not having released her. "Just relax and try not to be sad."
"That's a big ask. But I'll try." Y/n laughs lightly then sighing as he moves towards the door.
"Don't forget to eat and drink. Stay hydrated."
-
Y/n actually went and grabbed all her stuff from Lando's room then left the second key she'd had.
Then she fell asleep.
It's only when she hears the door opening and shuffling around that she finally stirs from her depth of sleep.
"Hey." She greets spotting Max walking into the hotel room.
"Did I wake you up? I tried texting but you didn't reply I thought you might be asleep or just have turned off your phone."
"Yeah...I was asleep, but I think I needed to wake up anyway, so it's good you woke me up." Y/n sighs softly then smiling when she looks at him. "How awful do I look?"
"You look beautiful to me." Max shrugs as if he didn't just make a big statement saying that.
Maybe if y/n hadn't just been cheated on, she'd believe him, or see less value in the power of his words.
"You don't have to lie to spare my feelings. I know I probably look...like someone who needs to...I don't know go to a spa restart day or something." Y/n jokes then gathering her hair up while Max moves to look more directly at her.
"You look beautiful, y/n. Don't let some idiot who doesn't know the value of what he had." Max demands making her heart try refind a rhythm after stuttering over a few beats. "I'm not going to let you think that way."
Call it what you want. Call it the need for male validation. Call it using Max as a rebound. Call her a stupid heart broken idiot.
But y/n is overcome and her next action is one that in the moment she can't find herself to regret. Especially because she shifts forward kissing him and feeling emotion slam down on her at the relief when he doesn't push her away or even just wait for her to stop.
In fact he kisses back and pulls her closer against himself.
This might be the last thing she expected.
"This is wrong." Y/n murmurs against his lips, but shows no intention of stopping and while he does't say anything, she can feel him smiling against her lips.
A few beats pass before he seems to decide he's got something to say.
"I've waited too long to do this for you to think it's wrong." Max mutters while managing to push her back onto the bed. "But we can stop."
"No. Don't you dare." Y/n chokes out suddenly overwhelmed by desperation.
It's only now dawning on her how long it's been since she had sex even with Lando. That probably should've been a red flag that she was really paying attention to.
"No. No. I need you inside me, please." Y/n whimpers when he tries to move down her body.
Now on Max's side that might just been the hottest thing a girl has ever said to him and he has to admit, he's not wasting the opportunity.
He manages to quite literally rip clothes off of y/n only getting a few seconds to admire her body before being pulled down into a kiss then whining for him to get inside her again.
Now obviously Max isn't a silly boy, he does remove himself just to put on a condom.
"So eager." Max hums nudging her legs further apart as he reaches down teasing his tip before realising she's definitely didn't need any prep even if he would've happily given her hours of foreplay.
Pushing into her, they both let out a throaty moan. Y/n just feels so perfectly filled, it's almost an unfamiliar feeling by this point. One she never realised how desperate she was just for a man's touch, the fact it's Max's isn't really a bad aspect of breaking her involuntary celibacy.
"Move-fuck. Move I need you." Y/n rambles actually scrambling to figure out what to hold onto ultimately landing on holding gripping the sheets underneath her.
Max doesn't really need to be told twice, pulling himself back from within her before beginning to thrust in and out of her in a steady rhythm.
One of her hands does eventually reach up to his blonde locks, giving them a tug that actually feels as if she's turned on a more feral instinct within him.
He hooks one of her legs up with hand giving him a different angle to work with and it leaves a loud moan escaping her lips when he knocks her g-spot and manages to use his other hand to give some attention to her clit which is already slick from how wet she is.
Y/n whines as he stomach tenses up, her orgasm brought on much more easily thanks to being so touch-starved. It takes nothing more than a couple minutes before she clamped down around him pulsing and locking him in with such a tightness around him that his own orgasm rips out of him, knocking that much more to sit fully pressed into her.
She spasms around him at the new heat even just stuck in the condom before she drops back and he sighs softly.
"We're doing that again. I hope you have more condoms." Y/n laughs making him smile and lean down kissing her.
"I do. But I may need slightly more recovery time...just to go again but...there's always other options."
-
Y/n ended up camping out in Max's room on the Friday and Saturday too. She only messaged Lando back to tell him that she was fine because he'd started to freak out after returning to his hotel room and finding she'd cleared out. He knew she couldn't be in a different room and he knew there was no way she got a flight that quickly.
So he knows she's still there somewhere.
Max and y/n have been riding that maybe there's more between them than just great sex. Although the sex really is great, even if it took some convincing from Max that she could trust herself to sit on his face.
"You should come into the paddock today." Max states as he gets ready while she watches him wrapped in the sheets. "Lando has hardly needed time to move on a flaunt someone else. I know you've seen the posts about him with her all around the paddock."
That's true, she might be finding herself happier than she had been on Thursday.
"I'd like to walk in there with you." Max smiles making her laugh a little before she sighs getting up onto her knees and shuffling to the edge of the bed where he catches her waist leaning down to kiss her. "Come with me. You can leave again if you hate it.'
"Fine. But only because you've talked me into it." Y/n grins as he leans down to peck her lightly. "Will you not be later?"
"Maybe a little...but not much."
-
Max's Ending
Walking into the paddock with Max feels oddly powerful. She's walking in with a 3 time world champion who even she has to admit in the short lived relationship they have, seems obsessed with her.
She only has to ground herself from getting too cocky because Lando was obsessed at first too.
"I told you it wouldn/t be bad." Max smiles earning a look of amusement.
"No, just every set of eyes either staring at us or trying to look anywhere but at us." Y/n hums before she spots the one person she knew she couldn't avoid seeing but she doesn't feel quite so well in herself.
"So this is where you've been?" Lando questions not bothering for subtlety.
"Maybe we should do this somewhere else, mate?" Max suggests but finds her falls on deaf ears. "Y/n?"
"Lando, can we not have a confrontation with an audience?" Y/n smiles even surprising herself with how soft and gently she can force her tone to be with the McLaren driver. "Tell you what, Max...I'll catch up. You go ahead."
Max looks at her for a moment like he wants to argue before leaning in and kissing her then moving off while Lando shakes his head.
"Come on then where do you want to go to talk?" Y/n asks before he silently leads for the way.
It's only once they get to the McLaren unit and he gets her back in his drivers room which brings back some pretty negative feelings that she could've lived without reviving.
"For the record, lack of communication is really an issue you could work on with whatever your new girlfriend is called."
"I don't have a new girlfriend."
"Are you really trying to lie to me right now?" Y/n laughs then pulling up one of the chats from her friends with screen shot after screen shot. "Because I have the fucking receipts."
"You can't be very interested in Max if you're obsessed with me still."
"My heart was broken by you and Max is doing more than a good job at fixing it very quickly. Thank you very much for that." Y/n states making him sigh.
"No. I realised how much I fucked up and I've been trying to find you so I could...make things right."
Y/n can't even stop herself, everything she's felt. Her new feelings for Max, her old feelings for Lando and her new feelings towards Lando. She just starts laughing and she's laughing at him.
"I'm so glad you find this so funny." Lando murmurs not sounding quite as bitter or angry as she might expect but more...hurt.
"Lando, you cheated on me. You cheated, you ripped out my heart, you stomped on it and then you had her here at the ready to rub it in my face. This is fucking funny because this-you are a fucking joke if you think you have any chance of getting me back after that." Y/n laughs not even caring if he's upset because it's a result of his own actions that has caused this. "I wanted to talk because I don't want to come between you and Max. I'm sure he's broken some bro code and while you don't deserve my respect or consideration of your feelings. I'm a better person than as to completely disregard you entirely."
"You're asking if I'm ok with you dating Max?" Lando frowns then shaking his head. "Really?"
"I'm trying to be respectful. If you want to break my heart again, that's fine. And yeah, maybe me saying that is emotional blackmail and not fair to you. But tell me where cheating on me and then having the audacity to bring me to a race, to make me go throughout here and then not even giving me the respect of not bringing her here to climb in as soon as the break up was done...was fair." Y/n states trying to blink away tears as she crosses her arms. "Give me this at least."
She could always read Lando like a book, his emotions are written all over his face.
"You're right." Lando sighs then huffing clearly annoyed at himself more than anyone else. "I'm sorry, y/n. I want you to know that at least."
"I know. Thank you." Y/n murmurs earning a slight huff.
"I fucked up and I'll probably..regret it for the rest of my life...and hate seeing you with Max. But you're right, it's not fair to make you bend to my whim after what I did." Lando nods watching a flicker of a smile appear. "I really am sorry."
"And I'm sure, at some point, I'll forgive you-Not right now. But some point. And you might regret losing me, but...you're not a bad man and when you are a loyal boyfriend you're pretty great too. Someone else will love you even more than I did and you'll have learnt not to lose something good when you have it." Y/n smiles softly then shrugging. "I'm not going to lie to you and say you didn't lose one of the best women on the planet. Because I'm great, and you did fumble and I hope you won't do it to someone else."
"I won't."
They do exchange a hug, sort of as a final release of each other. Then y/n exits and it definitely feels like she got the closure she needed to really fully commit herself to moving on with Max.
By the time she finds Max, he's just doing some training ahead of the race and she has to smile seeing him just getting in the zone.
"Hey, there you are. I was beginning to think he might've kidnapped you." Max jokes when Rupert notices y/n's presence.
"No...Though I think he was tempted to try...apparently my replacement wasn't much of a replacement. He...thought we could pick up where we left off." Y/n sighs while moving towards Max as she moves to run her hands down his sides over his exposed fireproofs.
"did he win?"
"No. And I got his ok to keep things going with you...some slightly emotional manipulation. But he agreed that this is the consequences of his actions and said he'l get over it...eventually. We're on good enough terms that I didn't leave crying." Y/n rambles adding each sentence to try and make it seem better. "I just need you right now and that's all I'm concerned about."
"Ok." Max nods slightly amused before he kisses her.
"It's going to be weird watching from the Red Bull garage."
"Well, I hope you get used to it."
"That's the intention." Y/n smiles as Max's hands come up under her top, smoothing over her skin as he pulls he against himself for another deeper kiss. "Mmm...I don't think that's ever going to get old."
"Good." Max smirks while pressing her impossibly closer, and he does notice that Rupert leaves sensing he may be asked to give them some privacy for a bit anyway. "We might need to see if you can be quiet, there's not quite the privacy of the hotel here. Unless you'd like to let the paddock know you've moved from McLaren to Red Bull."
"Tempting, but I think I can bite my tongue just for you."
-------------------------------
PS I did spend all day writing this, but as per I haven't proof read. Probably will in a couple hours, or days or sometimes when I reread in a couple weeks. But hopefully not too many typos.
Taglist: @namgification @hiireadstuff @jsjcue @geniusalpaca @itsjustkhaos @llando4norris @partyinpitlane @lpab @xoscar03
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landosjpg · 3 months
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fall back together | ln
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the one where your ex-boyfriend invites you to spend a few days with him, but you two still have feelings for each other.
lando norris x fem!reader
word count: ~2.5k
warnings: pining, the tiniest bit of fluff i believe, language, smut, oral (f recieving), p in v, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), cockwarming
note: ehhh i don't really know how to feel about this but i wanted to post something, once again not proofread! also i have a looooong flight later this week so pls send in some requests so i can entertain myself during it! <3
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you and lando had dated for a little over two years when you decided to call it quits. it wasn't messy; you two had mutually decided to stay as friends. and for the few months that you had been just that, it had worked well so far.
that's why lando had decided to invite you over for the monaco grand prix, insisting that you should spend a few days prior with him so you two could catch up and spend some time together.
as friends, of course.
it took him a few days to convince you, but you finally agreed. and that's why you found yourself walking down the corridor that led to his apartment, suitcase in hand. you could hear his giggles already from the other side of the hall, the sound bringing a smile to your face.
as you opened the door with the keys that he had insisted you should keep after breaking up, for emergencies (even when you lived in a total different country), you heard him talking.
"hey, chat!" you heard him say. you should've guessed he would use his days at home to stream like he used to. "guess who's here!"
you smiled as you walked to the room he was in. the fans had always loved you; you saw the edits they made of your relationship, how everyone used to lose their minds over the way you two looked at each other when you decided to make an appearance on one of his streams.
utterly in love.
and of course, you saw how everyone couldn't believe it when he had announced the end of your relationship.
it's not like any of you had expected it either, but you knew it was for the best or the relationship would consume one of you. but you were happy you had managed to make a friendship work, not really wanting to lose lando. and of course, his fans were excited to see you again.
he turned his chair around as you entered the room, his smile widening as soon as he saw you. you walked his way, happily waving at the camera. normally, he would grab your waist and pull you into his lap.
but this time he didn't.
so you stood there, right next to his chair. and as much as you knew that was how things were, it didn't fell completely right to you.
"i think i'm gonna head to bed," you interrupted after a few minutes in which you talked with him and with the viewers, answering a few questions just like you used to do before everything went down.
but after a long flight and a taxi ride to his house, you felt exhausted and all you wanted was to lie down and call it a day.
lando reached to mute his mic before he could answer you, turning to look at your face as he spoke.
"take my bed, i'll sleep in the spare room," he said. you were certain that the fans would try to decipher what you were saying later, but you didn't really care.
you thought about what he was proposing. it would feel weird, sleeping in his bed without him, so you weren't really convinced about it. and he must had seen it in your face, because before you could say anything, he added:
"come on, y/n". you're tired and the spare bed isn't even made," he looked at you with soft, pleading eyes.
you knew he still wanted the best for you, so you sighed in defeat and accepted his offer with a nod of your head.
after saying goodbye to the chat, you left the room to get ready for bed. as you went through your daily night routine in the bathroom, you noticed how everything you had left there behore the break-up was still in its place.
it looked like you had never left.
you tried not to think too much about it, there could be multiple reasons why he had decided to keep all your stuff. he definitely had moved on, right? it had been months since you two ended things.
you brushed it off, not really wanting it to get to your head and then walked to his room. everything was just like you remembered. damn, he even kept some pictures of you on his wall.
with your pajamas on, you climbed into his bed and covered your body with the soft sheets, the smell of him quickly washing all over you.
you rolled around with a sigh, the bed feeling way too big now that he wasn't next to you to wrap hismself around you. you were unable to sleep as your mind filled with all the nights spent in that exact same mattress between laughs, kisses and endless conversations.
you missed the feeling of his arms around your waist, the sound of his snores and the warmth of his body enveloping you every night.
with your mind racing with all the memories that wouldn't leave your brain, you realized it had been hours since you got in bed when you checked the time on your phone. the house was completely silent by that moment, so you figured lando was already asleep.
you sighed and got up, wandering to the kitchen silentely to not wake him up, with the intention of making yourself a tea that would hopefully help you sleep.
୨୧
sat on the counter, you contemplated the city lights with a warm mug of tea in your hands. the only light that illuminated the kitchen was te one that came out of your room. lando's room.
you were lost in your own thoughts, so you didn't notice his figure walking towards you.
"is that seat taken?" his voice made you jump a little in surprise, swearing under your breath as you turned to look at him, simply shaking your head in response. "sorry, didn't mean to startle you," he added with a chuckle, sitting on the stool right next to you.
you didn't really know what to say, so silence fell between you two while you just stared at each other. despite of it being dark, you could appreciate his messy curls, the spark on his eyes and the sly smile that beautifully decorated his lips.
"can't slep?" his voice was low and tender as he brokw the silence.
"bed feels too big."
at your answer, he just nodded. he kept quiet for a few seconds, pensive, and you could see that he was wondering wheter what he was about to say was appropriate or not.
"you know, as much as it hurts... i'm happy that you're moving on," he finally broke the silence, his words hitting you like a truck.
"i'm not... what do you mean?" you asked in confussion, but your mind was more focused on the fact that the possibility of you moving on hurt him.
"i've seen the pictures."
despite of the sadness that his whisper hid, you knew he wasn't mad at you. he had always said that he wanted you to be happy, whether it was with or without him.
silly of him to think that anyone else could ever make you as happy as he once did.
"just a friend," you mumbled, knowing that he was talking about the guy in your latest posts. but he was nothing more than a friend to you, not even close. "not really my type," you joked, earning a little smile from his lips.
once again, the silence felt deafening as he didn't give you an answer. your nerves were starting to kick in and so, in an attempt to try and make it feel less awkward between you two, you gazed back to the window.
"do you ever miss me?" he whispered again seconds later, the simple question making you freeze.
the answer was easy: yes, like crazy. but you couldn't just say that.
as he waited for you to reply, you felt his eyes on you, curious about what you would answer. and you swore he could hear your heart racing in your chest.
"sometimes, yeah," you finally decided to give him the truth.
or part of it, because confessing that it hadn't been a day in which he didn't cross your mind at least twice a day made you feel too exposed and vulnerable.
you halted when you felt his hand creeping up your legs slowly, stopping when he reached your thigh.
"i miss you, too," his murmur sent you a shiver down your spine, and he was looking up at you from where he was sitting, with puppy eyes.
you knew damn well what those words meant, and you felt your heart breaking at your own answer.
" i don't think it's a good idea, lan," you murmured, not able to hold his gaze for long.
"i know", he uttered, and you felt him sigh, but his hand stayed in your leg. "i'm sorry."
when you heard his simple apology, you closed yout eyes and tried to keep your tears from falling down your cheeks, but you failed miserably.
you knew he was apologizing for not being his best self during the last weeks of your relationship. at first, you had tried to convince yourself it only was a rough patch, but it was burning you down.
and, when you asked him for some time, he agreed. he knew he hadn't been the best boyfriend to you during that time, and he hated seeing you suffer because of him. so he ultimately decided to set you free.
"i'll never take you for granted again," he whispered, his hands cupping your cheeks and wiping the tears that fell down your face.
you hadn't noticed that he had stoop up from the stool and positioned himself between your legs, but having him so close again made your heart feel warm. and you looked down, knowing that if your eyes met his green orbits you'd throw yourself back right into his arms.
"lan..."
"i swear, y/n," he interrupted you; you could see his eyes were also watery, tears threatening to come out as well, but he held them back as he kept talking. "i know i fucked up, but it won't happen again."
closing your eyes, you sighed. your fingers softly wrapped around his wrist as you kept silently crying.
"please," his whisper made you sob, wanting nothing more than to go back in time and never let go of him. "i promise."
as you took in his words, your hand slid to his neck and he rested his forehead against yours. your breaths were mixing together and you nodded your head slightly, giving him your final answer with that small gesture.
before you could think about it, his lips were on yours. soft, just as you remembered, and you could taste both your tears on his lips. he kissed you slowly, tenderly, as if he didn't want you to slip out of his fingers again.
and you knew he didn't.
"i've missed this," he sighed in between kisses, pulling you a little closer, his arms now wrapped around your waist. "i've missed you, baby."
at the sweet pet name that you never thought you'd be hearing from his lips again, you exhaled with a smile.
"want to join me in bed?" you asked in a whisper, your fingers softly brushing against the skin of his neck. you wanted nothing more than to sleep next to him again, so close that one would think you two were literally attached at the hip.
"you're inviting me to my bed?" he chuckled as his arms went lower on your body, pulling you closer and picking you up from the counter.
"our bed," you corrected him with a giggle of your own.
he planted a soft kiss on your lips and walked you back to his room, wrapped in his arms. he lied you down on the mattress gently, keeping his body over yours. your gazes locked for a few seconds before his lips attacked yours hungrily, the tenderness of the previous interactions now long gone.
your hands roamed all over each other's bodies, clothes soon flying everywhere as both your breaths got heavier.
he started trailing small, wet kisses down your breasts and torso, his hands carefully pulling your underwear down your legs. he spread your open for him and positioned himself between your thighs, looking up at you from the edge of the bed.
you slightly nodded, giving him permission to go on. a long sigh left your lips as soon as you felt his lips pressing a soft kiss on your sensitive bud, and your fingers instinctively got lost in his curls, urging him closer.
"you're so gorgeous, baby," he mumbled, his hot breath against your slick making you moan softly.
you felt his tongue flatten against you and he started licking your cunt as if he was starving. a smug expression plastered on his face when your back arched as his lips found your clit again and he sucked, fingers tugging on his hair.
"fuck, lando..." you stuttered, your legs closing around his head as you felt the knot on your lower stomach about to snap. a small groan escaped his lips, his hands gripping around your thighs, surely leaving small bruises on your smooth skin.
soon, the warmth of his tongue on your pussy felt too overwhelming and your orgasm didn't take long to wash over you, leaving you a moaning mess under his touch.
as you came down from your climax, he got rid of his boxers and hovered over you again, his lips finding yours once more. as you tasted yourself on his tongue, you hummed contently into the kiss, your fingers finding their wait to his curls again.
"you alright, love?" he gently asked, taking a minute to look into your eyes.
"need you inside of me," you panted, your legs hooking at each side of his body as you pulled him closer.
he locked his lips with yours as he teased your folds with his cock, both of you moaning into the other's mouth at the friction. he positioned himself at your entrance and slowly pushed inside of you, letting you adjust to his size.
"so fucking tight for me, baby," his voice sounded breathless as he started thrusting into you without a hurry.
he took it slow, his movements almost lazy but deep.
and god, did it feel good.
you held each other tightly as he kept that slow pace that you two seemed to be enjoying. he reveled in the way your sweet moans filled the room and your nails drew crescent moons on his shoulders, your face contorting in pleasure as he stretched you out deliciously.
feeling your second orgasm starting to build up, your pussy clamped down on him, drawing him even deeper inside of you; which resulted in a low grunt from his lips.
"baby, i'm gonna... fuck..." you whimpered, unable to even form a proper sentence as the pressure in your lower stomach increased again.
"look at me, love," he groaned, and you did as he had asked.
with your gazes locked in each other's, it only took the two of you a few strokes to come undone, your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you felt him cumming inside of you and leaving you weak under his body.
he collapsed on top of you, a little winded as he left a sweet kiss on your lips before moving to lay down on the mattres, pulling you with him.
"i love you," he uttered, his arms wrapped tightly around your body as he kept his cock buried deep inside of you.
"i love you, lan," you mumbled, your face finding the spot between his jaw and his shoulder as you caught your breath, feeling yourself slowly drifting off to sleep with your nose nuzzled on his neck.
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pseudowho · 3 months
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Thinking about...
...long-term 'too comfortable' relationships with the JJK guys, when all the weird/gross/silly things creep in.
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Pinning Gojo Satoru against a wall, having spotted an enormous pimple on his chin that you just have to get: "there's nothing wrong with m-- how dare you-- ow ow ow get off me--" "don't be such a melt, Satoru, keep still, that absolutely cannot stay on your face--"
Sitting on the toilet and chatting with Nanami Kento while he showers, and he wordlessly hands you a fresh toilet roll from the cabinet while he brushes his teeth; "thank you Kento" "mmmmmhm" and you continue chatting while you pee, leaving the bathroom door open. You forget to get off the toilet, so he brings you your tea there, while you continue to tell him about your day.
Laughing at Geto Suguru as he steps out of the bathroom after a bit of manscaping; "no no no-- go and get your razor, you're all patchy" "ah shit, really?" "yeah, you look like you've got a really bad gardener" "at least I try to trim the hedges..."
Plucking Fushiguro Toji's back hairs out one at a time; "OW-- dammit woman, stop doin' it like you hate me--" "--look, if you keep getting hairier, I'll just wax you instead, you're such a bear--" "--alright alright, I'll get your little witchy chin hair after--" "hey!"
Calling out to Okkotsu Yuuta while you're stuck on the toilet, blood over your hands and panties; "hey, Yuuta! Can you grab me some new underwear, and a pad?" "Sure!" Yuuta shuffles back to you, unfazed, as you hand him your bloodied panties to put in the laundry basket, "that bad, huh? You got enough stuff to last you?" "actually, I might need you to run to the shops..."
Creeping up behind Zenin Maki while she washes her bras in the sink, dropping a few of your own ones in, pressing a sloppy kiss to her cheek; "hey, hey, I'm not your washer woman" "yeah you are, such a beautiful washer woman" "psh...you're doing them next time"
Takuma Ino smiling as you curl on the sofa beside him in slummy old pyjamas full of holes (an ancient t-shirt of his, joggers you've had for at least ten years...), and you let out a fart; "sorry, sorry..." "don't be, I know you can do better than that" and Takuma lets one rip himself, sighing with relief.
Dropping your toothbrush down the toilet at Higuruma Hiromi's house; "ah, shit!" "oh, damn...just use mine" "eurgh, I'm not doing that!" "darling, be reasonable, I eat your pussy, we share much more--" "that's different--" "well by all means then, my love, enjoy your toilet toothbrush..."
Catching Todo Aoi taking a swig of milk out of the carton; "get a glass, jesus!" "whatever babe, it's just me and you here" "that is disgusting, unsanitary" "oh? I'll show you disgusting and unsanitary...c'mere"
When Kugisaki Nobara steps out of the bedroom, wearing your panties; "hey, they're my favourite!" "well they're my favourite too..." "yeah, on me! Get them off-- get back here--" and you dart after her, Nobara laughing as you try to pull your underwear off her, "help, help, I'm being assaulted!"
Catching Itadori Yuuji giving himself a scratch and sniff; "you absolute goblin-- go wash your hands!" Yuuji darts after you, laughing, his hand outstretched as you screech, ducking and running past him; "what, this hand? Come back baby! Where you goin'?"
Telling Fushiguro Megumi every single time you need to poop; "pause the movie! Gotta go poop," and he absolutely returns the favour, sitting on the toilet while you're taking a bath , "I'd wait...but I can't" "alright alright, just don't stink the place out" "I don't make promises I can't keep"
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kisses4choso · 1 year
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#PRETENDING TO BE YOUR BF!
SYNOPSIS: you're in a sticky situation and need somebody to help you get a creepy guy away from you. are they up to the challenge? OP CHARACTERS: ZORO & SANJI WARNINGS: nicknames?
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a creep had been following you around the town the strawhat crew had been visting, and nothing you said would keep him away. going into stores and diving into crowds, you hoped maybe you'd lose him, but he proved to be extremely stubborn. "like i said sir, i have a boyfriend!" you had told him for the hundreth time, but he didn't believe you. "c'mon, we both know you're lying, sweet thing. just give me a chance, yeah? i'll show you a nice time," he said, and you were just about to start yelling until you spotted--
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ZORO. he had no idea you were around, as he had gone into an antique shop not too long ago to find new sword sheaths. even with his back turned towards you, you decided he was your best shot. you made a bee-line for the shop and the guy followed closely behind.
"like i said, sir, i have a boyfriend," you said, gesturing towards zoro in hopes his stature would scare the creep off. however, the pirate didn't turn around, engrossed by the sheaths and other looms in the shop.
the stranger frowned at you, clearly not believing your lie. it hurt you to have to rely on zoro, as he wasn't the brightest in times like these, but it was all or nothing.
"zoro!" you exclaimed, and he turned immediately at your voice, taking in your desperate look. "you said you would catch up with me, i've been waiting for you."
he was unsure how to respond, gulping as you latched onto his arm, and he almost expressed his concerns, but he was beat to it by the stranger.
"this is your boyfriend?" the guy asked, still a bit skeptical but intimidated nonetheless.
the pirate looked the villager up and down, trying to figure out how to react appropriately to this. no matter how much he racked his brain, he couldn't find an answer. however, if you had been as bold as to claim zoro as yours, he trusted you had a reason to do so.
"and who are you?" your --pretend-- boyfriend asked, guarding you with an arm as you stepped behind him, away from the stranger's much-too-curious eyes.
before the creep could answer, you decided to torment him just a bit, "i dunno, he's been following me for hours now. i was scared."
zoro's gaze hardened at that, the grip he held on his swords tightening, "is that so?"
"no! no, i'm sorry, man. i didn't know- listen, i'll leave, alright?" and as soon as the words came out of the villager's mouth, he was gone.
"sorry, zoro. he scared the shit out of me, i thought maybe i'd find sanji in the crowds somewhere to help me, but there's so many blonde people here, you have no idea."
he nodded slowly, very aware of your arms wrapped around his and your slightly trembling fingers. he took a deep breath before turning back around to sort through all the trinkets he'd found.
"it's not your fault. but, maybe we should travel in pairs from now on. i don't want another idiot bothering you until you're practically shaking."
"i am not shaking," you said, to which he sighed, gathering his items and leaving a few coins on the counter. you continued, "but you're pretty scary, y'know?"
"i would hope so, in situations like these," he gave you a lopsided grin, "but seriously, we should just travel together. i don't mind playing pretend for you."
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SANJI. he was busying himself at a food market, bargaining with the poor vendor for a discount. he turned around before you even called him, having a sixth sense for your presence. he smiled widely at you, calling your name loudly.
"sanji, my darling," you cringed at your own voice, the sickly sweet nickname dropping hesitantly from your tongue, "i missed you."
the cook didn't miss a beat, "i missed you much more! what do you think, gorgeous? broccoli or cauliflower?"
"uh, both?" you said, still spotting the man now on the opposite side of the street, watching intently.
your blonde "boyfriend" nodded, turning his attention to the vendor he had previously been arguing with, "perfect, i'll get both, ma'am!"
you saw the stranger slowly come closer towards you, and you decided to take action by hugging sanji tightly.
he complimented you instantly on the perfume you were wearing, and he kept talking but your attention was fully on getting away from the stranger.
"sanji?" you whispered, suddenly interrupting what was probably a declaration of love, but it wasn't like that was a rare ocassion anyway.
"yes? i hate to ruin the moment but you're not usually this affectionate, not that i mind, i mean--"
keeping your position in his arms, you reached up to whisper in his ear, lips brushing his cheek from the proximity, "there's a guy that's been following me and i need your help."
he ignored the brush of your lips, an action he surely would've fainted for in any other circumstance. his energy shifted from a playful one to something much more urgent, "are you alright?"
you smiled at him, an assurance that you were fine, just freaked out. you moved away from him, opting to stand at his side and hold his arm.
"can you see him?" sanji asked, paying the lady for the vegetables he purchased and grabbing a hold of the bags you carried.
"yes, behind us, the guy in the blue shirt," you discretely pointed him out, sanji followed your gaze and he let out a laugh.
"him? he thinks he has a chance... with you? how sad. want me to go talk to him?"
you held sanji's gaze, considering his offer, but ultimately deciding against it. if it broke out into a street fight, you'd bring attention to the strawhats, and then you'd probably be reported to the marines.
"no, could you just..." you hesitated, focusing on the cigarette in between sanji's lips to distract yourself from the creep's stare, "pretend you're madly in love with me, or something?"
the cook took the cigarette from his mouth and dropped it to the ground, putting it out so you wouldn't be bothered by the smell of smoke, "you're making it too easy for me. guess my acting skills won't be needed this time, hm?"
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primofate · 6 months
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TW: death, angst
Recently thinking of scenarios.
How do I explain it.
You feel as if this person is more important to them than you are, and in some senses maybe they are.
Klee to Albedo
Lynette and Freminet to Lyney
Teucer to Tartaglia
And it doesn't always have to be a sibling thing.
Jean to Diluc?
Sigewinne to Neuvillette/Wriothesley?
And so imagine if in a life or death situation only one of you could come out alive.
You vs that person.
Imagine you look at Klee, who is oblivious to the situation and tell her "...Klee, I'll handle this. You can go first, okay?"
Imagine lying and telling Lynette and Freminet there's three submarine pods left and that they should take the first two and meet Lyney at the surface.
Imagine seeing abyss lectors approaching from the distance, swift and with purpose. Imagine turning to Teucer and telling him you'll race him home, and that you'll give him a head start.
Then Albedo, who receives Klees worried look with confusion. "What's happened, Klee?" And her who replies "...Y/N said they would catch up, but it's been ages...We were getting chased by some bad people..." Albedo, who tracks Klee's steps back... who should be happy that you had chosen to protect his sister...but could only feel sick that you had to sacrifice yourself.
Then Lyney, who waits at the surface for you with Lynette and Freminet. Waits. And waits. And waits. And-- "Were there really three submarine pods...?" He whispers and the other two could not reply. "Lynette. Freminet." His voice starts to rattle a little as he slowly turns his head to look at his siblings, eyes starting to water. "Were there really three submarine pods?" He repeats. The other two still do not reply, only giving a look of doubt as an answer. So they wait. And wait. And wait... Why? Lyney thinks. Why does it still hurt so bad even when his family was safe and sound right here? In fact, it seemed to hurt even worse, knowing that you knew he loved his siblings with all his heart.
Then Tartaglia, who had been at home waiting for the two of you, laughing at the panting Teucer who explained the race home. Tartaglia comes to the door, wholly expecting you to just be a few paces behind but instead sees no sign of you "...Hm, how much of a head start did Y/N give you, Teucer?" He laughs and the young boy scratches his head. "I don't know... I didn't really look back," There's a flash of worry in Tartaglia's eyes, they decide to wait a bit more. There's a deep feeling of dread in the pit of Tartaglia's stomach when he finally decides to track you down...where the snow is painted red. Perhaps it takes a moment for him to realize what happened, and the sacrifice you so painfully made. That's how much you loved him, he realized. To protect his family and to give up your life. The sorrow and the rage build in his chest. It's overwhelmingly blinding. The whole world deserves to burn for giving him this cruel fate.
That type of scenario...I don't think I can really adequately put it into words.
The feeling of initial happiness that someone you love is safe and sound...shattered by the revelation that the other had to be sacrificed. And then cue a flashback of all the fun times you and him had.
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steddiealltheway · 7 months
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Steve lays in his bed with thoughts of Eddie in the boathouse. For some reason, he wants to go to him. Hell, he knows he probably can't sleep, and they need him as well rested as they can so he can stay on alert through this whole hunt the freak thing.
Plus, a small part of him knows what it's like to be stuck with your thoughts late at night after dealing with the Upside Down shit. And it's not pleasant. Especially alone.
Another part of him knows that Dustin would never be okay if something happened to Eddie after they told him things would be fine.
But things will be fine. Especially if Steve goes to the boathouse and keeps watch for part of the night.
He throws on some more layers and grabs a protein bar for Eddie before driving that way, trying not to get too weirded out by the concept of him hanging out with Eddie "The Freak" Munson.
Hopefully this time he won't be threatened with that damn broken bottle.
He pulls up a little ways away from Reefer Rick's place and parks before grabbing his nail bat and creeping his way to the shed. He rounds the side toward the door and knocks lightly, whisper yelling, "Eddie! It's Steve! Open up!"
He waits a few moments before sighing and raising his voice. "I'm opening the door. Just don't kill me."
He slowly opens the door, glancing around the boathouse and finding it empty. He glances at the tarp over the boat and sighs, "Eddie, I know you're under there. It's just me."
The tarp shifts slightly, and Steve stares up at the ceiling in annoyance. "Okay, I get it. You don't trust me, and you have no reason to really. But we both know Dustin would kill me if I ever attempted to hurt you or turn you in. Plus, I know you're innocent, so I'm just going to stay here until you come out." He pauses before adding on, "I'll even hum so you know where I am."
He starts humming the first song that comes to mind which ends up being "Everybody Wants to Rule the World."
The tarp shifts and Steve watches as Eddie slowly reveals himself, bottle in hand, pointed at Steve. His eyes flicker to the bat in Steve's hand.
Steve stops humming. "It's for your safety," he says, lifting it up a little.
Eddie raises his eyebrows, and Steve gets the message before he drops the bat and raises his hands in surrender.
Eddie nods at him. "What's in your hand?"
Steve glances up and tosses the protein bar at Eddie. "Food," he says as Eddie curses, failing to catch the bar.
Steve takes a step closer but Eddie holds out the bottle to him and stands up. "Why are you here?"
"To make sure you're safe."
He looks unconvinced.
Steve shrugs and crosses his arms. "Okay, I know what it's like trying to process all this shit on your own, and it sucks, man. I didn't have anyone with me the first night after everything went down, and I didn't think I would make it through the night without that thing coming back."
"So what? You're here to help the freak with no ulterior motive, and I'm supposed to believe that?"
"You can tell me to leave, but I don't really want to spend the night alone either," Steve confesses, hoping that it will help Eddie trust him a bit.
Eddie only stares at him for a few moments before leaning out of the boat to pick up the bat before sitting down and picking up the protein bar. He unwraps it and bites off half of it before asking, "Tears for Fears, really?"
It takes a second for Steve to really understand what Eddie's asking before he smiles slightly. "That's what you're worried about?"
Eddie shrugs, taking around his mouthful, "I was just wondering if you really thought that's the type of music I'm into."
"It's the first song that came to mind. But no. I know you're into that metal stuff that Mike's been going on about." Steve takes a tentative step forward, watching the way Eddie's eyes follow the step.
He raises his eyebrows when Eddie glances up at him and shifts a bit before gesturing to the spot in front of him. Steve takes the invitation and sits in front of him, shifting a bit around the boat before grimacing.
"I bet you're missing your bed," Eddie comments as he finishes off the bar, dropping the wrapper in the boat before grabbing his broken bottle again. Luckily this time, he doesn't point it in Steve's direction.
"A bit," Steve confesses as he fails to get comfortable. He wishes he could take Eddie back to his home and maybe even give him the guest bedroom so he doesn't have to stay here.
Wait.
Steve glances up to where Eddie is tightly gripping the handle of his bat and the neck of the broken bottle and slowly reaches out his hand, asking for the bat. As Eddie hands it over reluctantly, Steve says, "Why don't you stay at my house for now? No one would guess you would be there."
Eddie snorts and shakes his head. "I'm not risking you getting caught with me."
"Well, it's too late for that." Steve says before circling back a bit to ask, "Why?"
Eddie shrugs and glances down at the bottle. "Because Dustin would kill me."
Steve sighs and lays the bat on the side of the boat. "You can hide in the back of my car on the drive there. It'll be easy to sneak you in."
"And your parents?"
"Gone for the foreseeable future. And even if they do come back, I can hide you in my closet or something."
Eddie shoots him a look. "Comfortable."
"Do you have a better idea?"
Eddie glances around the boathouse. "I don't mind staying here at the moment."
Steve's not sure why he wants to fight him on it so bad, but he gives in and says, "Just consider it after we've killed Vecna and we're going through the whole clearing your name process, okay?"
"Why?"
The question takes Steve off guard, but he easily deflects saying, "Because Dustin would kill me."
Eddie nods and looks off, getting that same far-off haunted look on his face. Before Steve can attempt to distract him Eddie snaps out of it asking, "And if someone comes here now, how will you explain why you're here?"
Steve glances around and looks at the windows and door. "Okay, maybe we should get under the tarp before that happens."
Eddie stares at him. "You want to get cozy with me in this boat?"
"I want to save both of our asses for now. If we hear something, we stay hidden, and if they come inside, we grab the bat and bottle and we attack." Get cozy with him?
Eddie sighs, "Can't wait," before shifting to sit next to Steve, placing his bottle carefully down toward the end of the boat before grabbing the tarp.
Steve shifts the bat, nails side at the end of the boat and shifts to lay back.
Eddie glances down at him and asks, "Ready?"
Steve nods as Eddie pulls the tarp over them and lays back. In the process, he ends up jostling Steve and shifting him to the side, almost getting his leg stabbed by the bat as Eddie curses about the bottle. They both shift to face each other, quickly noticing that they're around the same height with the way their feet are knocking into each other their breath is mingling together.
It is very weirdly intimate.
"Steve?" Eddie asks.
Steve hums in response.
"Maybe we should pull the tarp back until we hear something."
"Great plan," Steve says quickly, reaching up to pull the tarp back a bit.
There's a bit of moonlight shining through the windows which illuminates Eddie's face enough for Steve to be able to admire him. Steve blames the intimate position for his thoughts about how Eddie "The Freak" Munson is kind of beautiful.
Eddie's eyebrows furrow. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
Steve quickly looks away and lies, "Just thinking."
"About?"
Steve takes a moment and readjusts a bit. "Just never thought I would be hanging out with you."
Eddie shifts as well, accidentally brushing his hand against where Steve's own hand lies between them. Eddie's hand shoots back to his chest. "if it makes you feel better, I wouldn't call this hanging out. We're just two people who are linked through some supernatural shit with parallel worlds and are trying to keep each other alive so Dustin doesn't kill us." He lets out a slow deep breath through his nose and glances away. "It doesn't have to mean anything. Trust me, I know you wouldn't be here unless you had to be."
Steve lets the feeling of regret run through him. "That's not what I meant."
"No?" Eddie challenges him.
"No," Steve confesses. "Dustin didn't ask me to come here, you know."
"So, you're doing this out of the goodness of your heart?" Eddie asks, tone dripping with disbelief.
"I didn't want you to be alone."
"Yeah, you said that before."
Steve's eyebrows furrow. "And?"
"And I'm sorry if I have trouble believing it."
Steve just blinks at him, unsure what to say other than his usual apology for being an asshole in high school.
Eddie beats him to it and sighs, "You're just... Steve Harrington. And I'm 'The Freak.'"
Steve can't help but snarkily reply, "I didn't realize that was your legal name."
Eddie narrows his eyes at him. "You know what I mean."
As much as he hates it, Steve does understand what he means. He looks him in the eye and says, "You know if I could go back and change how I was in high school, I would. Because, trust me, being 'King Steve' was not all that it was chalked up to be. And everyone I love still sees me that way. It's like they're waiting for that guy to come back or something because they're always in disbelief that I've changed or whatever. It's all just... bullshit." He sighs out the word, trying not to think too hard about understanding what Nancy meant when she called him it.
Eddie continues to stare at him, eyes wandering over his face as if he's trying to make his own assessment of him. Or as if he's waiting for the real Steve to pop out, the inevitable asshole. Instead, he just says, "You're different than I imagined."
"Is that a good thing?" Steve can't help but ask.
"Give me a business day or two, and I'll get back to you about it," Eddie says with a smile.
The response startles a laugh out of Steve which he quickly covers with his hand before he rests it in the space between them. "Maybe you're different, too."
"Yeah?" Eddie asks.
"I thought you'd be way less willing to accept my presence here."
Eddie shrugs the shoulder he isn't laying on. "Well, being alone seemed to be slightly more appalling than spending time with you." He smiles and nudges him with his foot. "I'm joking. At least, now I'm joking."
Steve rolls his eyes and nudges Eddie with a little too much force, sending them both off balance and causing Steve to end up a bit sprawled out on top of Eddie who stares up at him with wide eyes.
For some reason, the new angle really does something for Steve who can only think of kissing Eddie. He leans back and takes a deep breath before an idea strikes him. He blames his tired, anxiety-ridden mind on the reason for voicing his thought, "You know, I can think of a better way to explain why I'm here if someone comes in."
"Yeah?" Eddie asks, face carefully blank but a heavy swallow gives him away.
Steve shrugs. "Who is to question King Steve hooking up with some random girl in Reefer Rick's empty boathouse?"
"Christ," Eddie mumbles out, eyes flicking down to Steve's lips. "Are you suggesting we...?"
Steve looks down at him innocently. "I mean, if it comes down to it, I would be down to kiss you. Your hair is long enough to hide your face," he turns to the door and windows, "And from this angle, they would barely catch a glimpse of you."
Eddie swallows again and breathes out, "You're definitely not what I thought you'd be like."
"And is that-"
"A good thing?" Eddie finishes for him. "Yeah, I would say it is definitely a good thing."
Steve smiles down at him and is about to shift off of him when there's a sudden noise outside of the boathouse. He feels Eddie freeze beneath him.
"Steve... I know it was probably a joke, but either cover us with the tarp or kiss me," Eddie whispers quickly.
Steve reaches out for the tarp and pulls it over their heads, noticing the slight look of disappointment on Eddie's face before the tarp blocks out the light. His hands reach out, landing on Eddie's chest before trailing up to cup his jaw.
"What are you doing?" Eddie whispers. Steve can feel his heart thudding in his chest impossibly faster at the sensation.
"Why not do both?" Steve whispers into the air between them.
He waits as Eddie's own hands come up to his shoulders, tracing their way into Steve's hair. "Both. Yeah. Both are good."
Steve's not sure who moves first, but their kiss is frenzied, filled with the anxiety of Hawkins crumbling around them along with the possibility of Eddie being caught, mixed with the fact that they're "The Hair" and "The Freak." And this is not supposed to be happening.
But Steve doesn't care. He deepens the kiss, groaning when Eddie tugs at his hair and pulls him closer. God, Steve can practically feel the kiss go through his full body, and he can't remember the last time a kiss made him feel like this.
The air around them under the tarp gets warmer as the kiss goes on, and Steve finds himself breaking away for air only to chase Eddie's lips again. It's all intoxicating. And the warm air makes it feel like he isn't getting enough air as Eddie practically sucks it out of him.
He breaks away and gasps, "God, I want to lift the tarp, but I can't risk anyone seeing you."
Eddie doesn't answer, he just pulls the tarp slightly off them before pulling Steve into another kiss. Steve can barely register the relief of the cool air hitting the back of his damp neck as he gets lost in Eddie.
"Can't see me remember?" Eddie says against Steve's lips.
"They can- mmm. See the rings," Steve manages to get out.
Eddie's hands slowly drift down Steve's back, resting on the dip of his spine that's still under the tarp. "Better?"
Steve pulls back and looks down at Eddie, his mouth pink and damp, cheeks flushed red, pupils blown wide. "God, you're beautiful," Steve says without thinking.
Eddie stares at him for a moment, face carefully blank before he glances at the window. "Do you think they're still here?"
Steve glances out the window and debates what to say next. He settles with the truth. "I'm pretty sure it was just a branch that hit the window."
Eddie nods and worries his bottom lip, not looking at Steve. He's still struggling to catch his breath, but Steve can't say much when he is equally as winded.
Steve pauses and says, "But maybe someone's out there. Or..." He shakes his head, trying not to finish the thought out loud.
"Or what?" Eddie asks.
"Or maybe I just want to kiss you again," Steve confesses.
Eddie looks up at him and pauses, eyes searching Steve's face for something. He glances toward the window and says, "I can't exactly be on high alert if you kiss me again, but..." he glances at Steve and finishes his thought, "I think it's worth the risk."
"If you really think about it, it's more risky if I stop kissing you."
Eddie tilts his head in confusion. "And why's that?"
"Because I'll only be able to think about kissing you again and won't be on high alert," Steve flirts easily. "And really, it's a great cover."
Eddie smiles and even momentarily laughs. "You're so full of shit," he says, but pulls Steve down to him, kissing him again with the same frenzied energy.
Only, Steve pulls away and winks at him. "We've got all night. We can take it slow."
"I think you're going to kill me."
Steve brushes a strand of hair out of his face. "And is that-"
"A good thing?" Eddie finishes for him again. "Yes," he answers, kissing Steve again but slowly, taking his time with him.
It's fair to say that Steve's original plan of keeping watch and letting Eddie sleep goes out the window, but he's pretty sure it's worth it.
It's definitely worth it.
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coffeeshades · 1 year
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credits to the gif maker!
LOVE IS COMPLICATED
summary: the trials and tribulations of falling in love or two idiots who are obliviously in love.
pairing: pedro pascal x actress/singer!reader.
word count: 4.4k
warnings: angst..? cussing, age gap, smut, mentions of drugs and alcohol. no use of y/n, if i missed something please let me know!
a/n: enjoy and please let me know if you'd like a part two! i'm already writing it lol but i'd like to know anyways <3
here’s part two!
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You’d always been good friends, taking to each other without much of a second thought after Oscar had introduced you two just in passing a few years ago—eight years ago, to be exact—at some party at his house.
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New York, New York
September 4th, 2015
You were outside in the backyard, dressed far more casually than the occasion called for. It was a chilly night, and the music was blasting from inside the house.
You were tired from all the traveling, touring, and filming. You loved your job and were extremely grateful that things were working in your favor, but boy, did it leave you drained. You hadn't spent time with Oscar, or really any of your friends, in quite some time, so you thought a night out wouldn't hurt after working too much.
So there you were, enjoying the chill night air, when a familiar voice reached your ears.
“There you are!" Oscar said cheerfully, "I've been looking for you for like 20 minutes; I thought you left!" he continued, in a very dramatic manner, you must add.
You couldn't help but smile at his theatrics as you welcomed him with a hug. "Oh, I could never leave a party of yours without saying goodbye. You know I'm better than that." you speak softly, suddenly noticing another person behind him.
"I wanted to introduce you to my friend, Pedro,” he says this as he turns to face Pedro. "He's a fan," Oscar says in a singsong manner.
Pedro is standing there with his cheeks flushed and a smile forming on his lips. Although part of you wanted to be cocky about it and torture him a little, you bit your tongue, not wanting to make this worse for him.
Of course you knew who Pedro was. And not because he was in two of the most famous TV shows at the moment; it was because Oscar and Sarah wouldn't shut up about him. In every conversation you had over the phone with either of them, Pedro's name always found a way to come up. It seemed that no matter how hard they tried, they could not hide their enthusiasm for him.
So to say you were interested in meeting him was an understatement. You wanted to see what all the fuss was about.
Before you could properly introduce yourself, Oscar's name was called from inside the house. "Alright, I'll leave you two to it." he says, "Please be nice to each other!" he yells as he walks back inside. You shake your head in amusement.
"You are more beautiful in person," Pedro says in his very captivating, deep voice, catching you by surprise.
Now you are the one with the flushed cheeks.
“I thought you were shorter," you say back, daringly. Although it was an honest comment, it was also a way to deflect attention from the fact that he just called you beautiful.
Pedro laughs loudly, as if you had just told him the funniest joke ever.
"I am not trying to be mean or rude; I really thought you were like 5'3." you continued, putting your hands inside the pockets of your jacket.
"So you know who I am?" he asks, a smirk forming on his lips.
"Yeah, I like to enjoy good television in my free time." you tell him, focusing on his face.
He was more beautiful in person, too. To your relief, he was dressed similarly to you. He was wearing a crisp white shirt, tucked into dark jeans that fit him in all the right places. His hair was a bit tousled, and his mustache looked like it had been recently groomed. He must be filming Narcos, you thought. You also noticed his kind brown eyes. He had a warmth and friendliness about him that was immediately apparent.
"Also, our friends don't seem to know how to shut up about you. You are quite the talk of the town lately."
Your words made him smile. He doesn’t say anything but narrows his eyes, and you can practically hear his thoughts clamoring around in his head. "Alright, back to me being short, " you rolled your eyes as he continued with his speech, "Contrary to popular belief, I'm actually 5'11." He takes a seat on one of the small couches that have been set up in the backyard, prompting you to follow suit and take a seat as well.
"Like I said, I didn't mean it in a bad wa—" he cuts you off before you finish your sentence. "Ah, don't worry about it. Plus, if you still think that's short, I'll make up for my height with my other great qualities."
You let out a small laugh, relieved that he didn't take offense to your remark. Again. You look at him and reply, "Oh, I can't wait to see these other great qualities."
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The transition from acquaintances to close enough to hang out alone without friends was just as easy, and you quickly became an unlikely pair of sorts.
You did everything you could together. From having movie marathons whenever you both happened to be in the same city to visiting different coffee shops and ordering the same thing every time—you anything that involved caramel and him four shots of black coffee over ice—it felt as if you had known each other your whole lives.
You were inseparable, and it felt effortless, like a piece of a puzzle that had been missing for so long finally fitting just right.
Given that you were in a serious, long-term relationship when you met, the tabloids didn't dig too much. All of the articles referred to you as friends, which saved you from having awkward conversations or even thinking too deeply about the whole thing.
There was also the age thing. Pedro was older than you, so everyone just assumed you'd never go there. Your boyfriend at the time never questioned your friendship with Pedro, either.
However, you now wish he had. It would've implied he was concerned, which you now know he wasn't. He was busy with other things. You don't exactly remember when things started to fall apart between the two of you. But you do remember how it felt when you found out he was cheating. It felt like a gut punch. The fact that the whole world also knew it didn't make it any better, either. You felt completely betrayed and exposed, not just by your boyfriend but by the whole world that seemed to be privy to your pain.
As any rational person would, you succumbed to work. If you were working, you wouldn't really have time to deal with all the viscerally painful emotions that have flooded your body ever since everything went to shit. You kept filming, and you kept making music. Endless hours spent at the piano provided you with incomparable peace and tranquility. Who knew a life-altering breakup was what you needed to write the best music of your career? At least something good had to come out of this disaster.
Of course your friends and family helped you navigate this process as well. However, one person stands out above the rest: Pedro.
It's like he made it his life mission to put you back together. He'd call just to check up on you, tell you random stuff about his day just to keep your mind off things, ask what book you were currently invested in, or simply say he missed you because months had passed and you couldn't see each other because of work.
"What time is it over there?" he asks, his voice was hoarse, as if he had just woken up.
"1:30 AM," you reply, glancing at your phone, "we're still shooting some stuff."
He groans into the phone, "I fucking hate it when filming drags on for too long."
"Yeah, tell me about it." you say this as you were stretching your back. You had been filming since the afternoon; it was currently past midnight, and production was still going. To say you were exhausted was an understatement. "Alright, I'll text you later. My break's sadly over."
"Yeah, sure. Good luck, princesa."
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In other circumstances, you two happened to be in the same place at the same time. The parties were the best part of awards season. The entire purpose of the parties was to campaign for whatever projects were gaining traction, but for you, it meant spending time with friends you hadn't seen in a long time and having fun.
That explains why, four cosmos down, you were dancing and laughing in the middle of the dance floor with some of your friends. Or maybe it was five cosmos down. Truth be told, you stopped counting after the second one. You weren't the type to get wasted, but your goal for the night was to have fun, and alcohol definitely helped with that.
You start to get a little tired from all the dancing, so you head to the nearest couch. Sitting next to Sarah, she opens her arms to embrace you. "My little dirty dancer!" she says loudly, making everyone around you laugh. "Oh shut up, can't a girl have some harmless fun?" you say, a smirk on your face. You glance around the room at the grinning faces and shrug.
"It's karaoke time!" Jen, your friend and hostess for the evening, announced cheerfully, "Who wants to go first?"
"Oh, fuck me," Pedro groans, dragging his hand down his face. "I hate karaoke. I hate it. I don't want to sing karaoke, and I don’t want to listen to people sing karaoke."
He's sitting across from you with a beer in his hand and looking a little more drunk than you were. You chuckle as you watch him slump against the back of the chair during his karaoke rant.
This was no secret; after the first few weeks, when you began to hang out more frequently, he made sure to let you know this very important piece of information. That's why you took pleasure in doing it solely to irritate him.
"I will go first." You say this while looking him in the eyes. He rolls his eyes and sighs, knowing that you understand exactly why he's been so adamant about it.
"Why do you like to torture me, kid?"
"I can't help it; you're fun to mess with, Pedrito."
Even though he hated karaoke, you knew you were the only person he enjoyed listening to. You could tell by the way his eyes lit up whenever you hit the right note, the way he'd shake his head and chuckle when you made a mistake, and the smile that crept onto his face when you'd finished the song. Despite this, he would never admit to enjoying it.
You were busy listening to some of your friends talk about how you didn't completely butcher your rendition of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" when hands landed on your waist from behind and you felt a hot breath on your neck. "That was terrible, mi amor."
Spinning around to face him as he straightens up, you spot his beautiful brown eyes. "When will you admit how much you enjoy my karaoke performances?" you try to pretend you're mad, but you can't help the corners of your mouth turning up in a smirk.
Pedro chuckles, his body vibrating against yours. He leans down, his lips barely brushing yours, his breath ghosting across your skin. "Never," he says, almost in a whisper.
Your body is buzzing from the proximity. No, it's the alcohol. Without a doubt, the alcohol. You're unbothered by the proximity. The same way you're unbothered by the way he's smiling down at you.
"You're insufferable," you say, keeping the conversation moving so you don't have time to spiral.
He brings his beer to his lips, smirking as he sips. "If by insufferable you mean utterly charming, then you are right."
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Just like he made it his mission to put you back together after your life fell apart, sometimes it was your turn to put him back together, too. No matter how hard he tried to bottle up his feelings, you were always the one who could get through to him, able to make him smile or make him think with just a few simple words.
Pedro was no longer a mystery to you. He's a contradiction in motion. He withdraws into the distance that comes with fame, but he also wants to connect. Despite having a tendency to be open, he tends to hold a lot of himself back. He cares so much and yet he's also uncomfortable caring so much.
You were both in London for different reasons but were staying in the same hotel. One night, you decide to stop by his room before leaving for an event. You knock three times before he opens the door.
"Have you been crying?" you ask him, immediately concerned.
He is initially hesitant to respond, but eventually caves. "Well, yeah."
"What happened?"
"It's kind of pathetic, really."
"Then let's be pathetic together. Tell me." you respond as you push your way into the room.
"Prince died," he says, his voice hoarse from the crying.
"Pedro..." you say quietly, not really knowing what to say.
"I know, I know. It's stupid."
"Of course not." you quickly reply, "There's no shame in crying, I know how much you love him." you take a deep breath and approach him, offering him your hand. "C'mere, let's sit down."
You started lowering yourself to the floor, and he followed. "You don't have to do this...you look like you've probably got somewhere else to be."
"I've got nowhere else to be."
The two of you just sat there, not saying a word. You held him while he cried, his head on your shoulder as you ran your hand through his hair. If you could go and bring Prince back from the dead just so he wouldn't hurt like this, you would do it in a heartbeat. But you knew that was impossible, so all you could do was sit there and comfort him.
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"You two should date."
"Are you out of your fucking mind, Sarah?"
"What!" she laughs. "You're basically dating already."
Since you hadn't seen each other in a while, Sarah had extended an invitation for you to have breakfast at her house. She had questioned you about your love life after discussing a number of other topics, and when you replied that you were still single, she made that absolutely ridiculous remark.
"What does that even mean?"
"It means," she says, almost giggling, "that you two are doing the things that couples do, like going on dates and spending time together."
"We don't go on dates," you quickly reply, "and I don't like him like that."
She rolls her eyes, unconvinced, and asks, "Why?"
"Because..." you trail off, "Because he's Pedro... and I am me."  Even though you were aware that what you were saying made no sense, you refrained from going into detail.
"You really don't see it, do you?"
"There's nothing to see, Sarah."
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It was difficult to pinpoint the exact moment you first realized that occasionally, completely unprompted, your thoughts would turn to Pedro.
This was similar to how you two became friends without ever consciously choosing to do so. The mere thought of his loud, booming laugh and the way he beams at you when you crack a joke would make the corner of your mouth twitch into a small smile. Eventually, you understood that those thoughts of Pedro and the slight thrill they gave you were very different from friendship.
Yet you decided not to go there. You both enjoyed your friendship, and he never said or did anything to make you believe he felt otherwise. Or that was just a bunch of bullshit you came up with to not deal with it anyway.
You were friends, close friends, and you didn't want to jeopardize the best friendship you'd ever had by listening to that little voice in your head that occasionally whispered, "What if...?"
It wasn't until one night that everything changed. You're still unsure if it was for better or worse.
You were changing into far more comfortable clothes than you'd been wearing all day. It was finally Friday, something you were very grateful for since work had been nothing but tedious lately. You had the weekend off; it seemed like an eternity since you had been free for a couple of days.
As you slipped on your favorite and very worn-out t-shirt, your phone rang. "Ugh, what now?" you whined. You were suddenly regretting your words as you picked up the phone; his throaty voice filled your ears, and you felt instantly better. It was almost embarrassing.
"I heard you had a shitty week," he says, "I am coming over."
"How'd you know that?"
"The more important question here is why have you been in New York for days and didn't tell me? I'm actually hurt, love."  
"I know, I'm sorry, it's just been a little rough."
The guilt immediately washes over you. You knew that you should have called or even sent him a quick text, but your mind was only focused on getting through the week. It was like you were on autopilot.
"I will be there in 20 minutes." he replies, hanging up.
Without anything better to do, you decide to wash some dishes that have been sitting in the sink since last night while you wait for Pedro to arrive. You quickly finish that and then decide to pass the remaining time by reading a book you started a couple of weeks ago. You flip through the book's pages, trying to recall where you left off because the earmarked corner you'd marked seemed to have disappeared.
Before you can find the page, your cellphone screen lights up again, catching your attention out of the corner of your eye, and though it feels silly and childish, you can feel the way your heart leaps and your chest tightens just a fraction when you read the notification and see Pedro's name. "I'm here."
You rush to the door, flinging it open with a gust of energy, and you find him standing there, one hand in the pocket of his jacket and the other holding a bag, a crooked smile on his lips. "I brought wine and takeout from that place you love down on 54th." It had been months since you'd last seen him, and it was like no time had passed at all. He steps inside, closing the door behind him, and you take the bag, allowing your eyes to meet his with a smile. Fuck.
As you set everything on the kitchen counter, you both decide to eat right away. The warm, inviting scent of the food spread throughout the kitchen, and it was as if all your worries and tiredness had disappeared. The conversation flowed perfectly as you both devoured the delicious food, and you were grateful for the moment of peace.
After finishing your meal, he helps you collect everything and clean up the kitchen.
"You’ll get wrinkles if you keep working that hard, mama," he tells you as he throws something in the trash can, and you can hear the smile in his voice.
"Don't call me that," you giggle, a little tipsy from the wine. "It makes me feel—" you stop yourself before you finish the sentence. Fuck.
"It makes you feel what?" he asks, raising his eyebrows.
Well, it makes you feel embarrassed, as if you have let your guard down and revealed too much of your innermost thoughts. And it gives you butterflies. But you don't tell him that. "Nothing," you say, "it's just funny."
You knew you didn't have it in you to keep your thoughts, body, and face under control, especially when he was leaning against the kitchen counter, arms folded, looking like he just stepped out of a movie. You were feeling exposed and vulnerable, as if your thoughts were written all over your face, so you did what you do best: you changed the subject.
"Remember that one time we got high on edibles to go see The Incredibles 2?" you blurt, hoping he would forget what just came out of your mouth. He looked at you for a moment, as if he were considering your question, before bursting out in laughter.
"How could I forget?" he says. "It's one of our finest moments."
"Would you like to repeat the occasion?"
"Don't threaten me with a good time, baby."
You go to one of the kitchen drawers and pull out the box of cookies. "I can't believe you're offering me drugs." Pedro says in a dramatic tone.
"Oh shut up, do I need to remind you whose idea it was last time?" you roll your eyes, grabbing two cookies and throwing one at him.
"Should we honor last time and watch a movie?" he says as he takes a bite of the cookie.
To be entirely honest, you should have known that things were about to go off the rails the very moment the man at the other end of the couch, in that impossibly confident and seductive voice, asked you to come closer. "You're miles away from me, princesa."
If you had been wise, you would have politely declined. If you had any sense of self-preservation when it came to Pedro, you would have declined his offer and avoided thinking about him fucking you into this very couch. But you weren't wise, which is why your legs are thrown over his lap and his fingers are drawing circles in your thighs. Pedro’s gaze feels like a caress, and his voice is thick, "You look like you're thinking too hard."
"What?" you ask, dumbfounded.
"I said you looked like you were thinking too hard." he replies, "What's running through that pretty head of yours?"
Your teeth are tugging at your bottom lip in a way that Pedro seems to find distracting because he nearly slips up and breaks the carefully maintained eye contact, his gaze darting down just a fraction of an inch. You don't know where the courage came from, but you lean in on your elbows, lifting yourself from the laying position you were in, closing the gap even further until it's impossibly small.
You can tell you know what you've been doing when you pause with only a breath of space between your mouth and his, worrying at your lip with the intention of getting him to break first, like you’re challenging him to decide where this goes next. "What do you think I'm thinking about?" you finally reply, your gaze not wavering for a second. Pedro's hesitation is just a second before his mouth parts, leaning in just enough to touch your forehead and close his eyes.
"I think you're thinking about all the wrong things we could be doing right now instead of watching this boring movie."
"I think you're correct."
His lips curl into a smile, pulling away only slightly to look you in the eye, his voice barely above a whisper, "Can I kiss you?"  
And that's when it happens. You lean in, your lips slamming into his so quickly that your thumb gets caught in the middle. He nips at it, biting down a little harder than he wanted to, but you don't mind and simply move it out of the way, sliding it away from his mouth and resting it across his cheekbone. You straddle his lap, and as his hands find their way to your waist and his lips move ever so hungrily against yours, you feel a fire inside.
Everything is happening so fast, and the room is spinning around you. You're not sure if you're feeling this way because of the drugs or because of Pedro. You can feel the pressure of his hands against your skin and a warmth radiating through you; all you know is that you don't want it to end. As you begin to grind against his hard on, he moves his hands to your ass and grips it tightly.
"You like that, hm?" he rasps, between kisses. You moan in agreement, and one of his free hands travels up your body to the nape of your neck and squeezes it tightly. You gasp at the sensation and move your body to match his movements, pushing yourself closer against him.
It's rough and messy. You're both desperate, as if you've been waiting your entire lives to do this. Pedro's hands covered your entire body, and his mouth kissed your neck and mouth roughly, as if trying to make up for the years of anticipation.
"Fuck, P," you moan; he wasn't giving you even a second to breathe.
"Tell me what you need, princesa."
"I need you to touch me."
"Your wish is my command."
Pedro moved quickly, his fingers caressing and teasing your body as he worshipped you with each touch until he finally reached your shorts.
He slides his hand down your panties and groans. "I haven't even touched you properly, and you're already wet, baby." His fingers pressed down softly as he moved around your clit, rubbing and massaging it until you felt yourself close to the edge. He manages to get his free hand under your shirt, and he massages your breasts, pinching your nipples softly as you moan in pleasure.
"Are you gonna come for me, princesa, hm?"
"Y-yeah..." you gasp, not even ashamed of how quickly your orgasm was approaching, "I can't... hold it..."
He took that as a sign to go faster and harder, and as he continued to draw circles on your clit, a wave of pleasure swept through your body, culminating in a moan that signaled your impending climax.
"Fuck!" you screamed as you came suddenly, body trembling and hips bucking once more. Pedro let out a groan at the sight and sounds you were making. You're both gasping for air, one of his hands on one side of your face, your foreheads touching.
And that's when it happens. Instant regret.
Oh my god.
Oh no.
Oh fuck.
What have you done?
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ceesimz · 13 days
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Our Sun Is Setting
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TW: mentions of homophobia and grief for a parent. It's quite a heavy fic, please keep that in mind.
"I told my Mami about you today."
You didn't think it was possible for a relatively normal, short sentence over the phone to make you feel sick to the pit of your stomach, but it did.
"Oh." That was all you managed.
Your mind was in overdrive as you stood in the middle of the grocery store, buying ingredients for the dinner you were preparing for later that evening when Alexia was going to come over. Any other person would have reacted better, wouldn't have been frozen to the tiles of the shop in the middle of the breakfast aisle, wouldn't have been on the brink of a panic attack from a simple statement.
"She was very happy. And she would like to meet you soon, whenever you like."
Another punch to the gut.
"She also teased me for talking about you so much. I couldn't stop myself." Alexia paired her words with a shy laugh.
The sound of it grounded you slightly as you moved out of the way of an old couple walking in your direction, but your head was still being insistently ruthless as you wandered mindlessly through the rest of the shop. Alexia was still talking over the line, seemingly not noticing your silence, but you couldn't work out what she was saying due to the unbearable ringing in your ears.
You were in shock.
"Are you still there?"
"Y-yeah, sorry. I think the signal went a bit weird, I didn't catch much of what you said." You reply in a shaking voice.
On the other side of the phone, Alexia frowns ever so slightly - she can almost sense something is wrong, but she can't quite figure out what or why. She hopes that when she sees you later, you are perhaps feeling better or if not, at least she's there for you.
"Okay cariño, would it be better if I left you to your shop?" She suggests, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel of her car where she was parked outside of the training complex before an afternoon training session.
"Yeah, probably. Sorry, I'll see you later."
And with that, you hung up.
As you went to slide your phone into your pocket with your shaking hands, you missed, causing it to clatter heavily against the tiles. It earned a few stares from the people around you, only intensifying the jittery dread that surged through you. Pins and needles encapsulated your body as you crouched down to pick up your now-smashed phone, but currently that was the last thing on your mind.
Alexia's statements circled relentlessly around your head - to literally anybody else in the world, hearing those words from someone they had were seeing would be enamouring and seen as a key, heart-warming milestone. But to you, it opened up a dark spot in your mind that you had shunned to the side for some amount of time. It seemed now was the right moment for that unidentifiable problem to break free from its shackles and make itself known, and you were terrified of what those repercussions would be.
You carried out the rest of your shop on autopilot, shoving a handful of notes into the cashier's hand before rushing out without a clue of how much you just gave them. For all you know, you could have massively overpaid them or robbed them in broad daylight. You were so out of touch with the world right now.
So much so, that you were unlocking the door to your apartment before you realised. How long did it take you to get home? Did your phone still work? What time is it? Did you walk, get a taxi, catch the bus, how did you get here? What did you even buy at the shop? Why won't this fucking door open-
A neighbour walked past hastily as you barged a shoulder against the door and almost crashed through it as it finally opened. You sent them an apologetic smile, though there was no doubt in your mind it was more of a manic and unnerving look than anything else, before slamming it shut behind you. The icing on the cake to this whole thing was the fact that the bottom of your shopping bag split open, scattering your groceries across the floor of the entryway. At least now you could see what you had bought.
Whether your legs failed you and buckled or you put yourself on the ground, you kneeled on the floor and gathered everything into your arms to transport it to the kitchen. It was a struggle, your trembling arms barely having the strength to hold themselves up, but you managed to dump your belongings on the kitchen side. Once you'd done that, you rested heavily against the counter, desperately trying to replenish the oxygen that had been stolen from your lungs some point along the way to this moment here.
What the fuck do you do now?
You turned to lean back against the counter and slowly slid down to the ground until you were sat on the floor, head back against the cupboard. There were too many conflicting thoughts and emotions rushing through you that all you could do was sit and stare. Feeling nothing but everything at the same time, thinking nothing but everything all at once.
Seeing Alexia tonight might tip you over the edge. You hope it doesn't end that way. You hope that her presence eases you. You hope she saves you from falling, sinking, spiralling into an irrevocable state of mind, whether she recognises that she's doing it or not. You hope, hope, hope.
Time seems to be a temporary concept for today, because before you've even had the chance to start preparing dinner for tonight, Alexia is at your door. Her voice calls out from behind it, asking if you're in there and if you're okay, because you've zoned out again. You're on the sofa, your cross-body purse still hanging off your shoulder, your jacket still zipped up to your chin, your shoes still on. Your groceries are still strewn on the kitchen counter, and the torn bag is still in the entry way.
"Amor, are you in there? Let me in." Alexia calls out, her voice tainted with concern.
"Sorry, sorry, I'm coming!" You jump up, kick your shoes off, throw your bag onto the small dining table, and open the door. She visibly deflates at the sight of you, her tense shoulders dropping, but her face contorts at your attire.
"Why do you have your chaqueta on?" She asks, and you're beyond grateful to hear it's said in an amused tone.
"Bit cold s'all. Come in." You're not cold. You live in Barcelona, and it's the middle of the spring.
You step to the side and she walks in with a tiny smile on her face. She's glad to be here, you realise. She seems to be in a light and happy mood, carrying no extra stress or other burdens, and, rather selfishly, you're glad.
"How was training?"
You plaster a smile on your face as she takes her shoes off and drops her bag beside them, turning to you and opening her arms. You walk into them with no hesitation, but the feeling isn't as relieving as you desired it to be.
"It was good. I did a amazing free-kick, I will show you the video." Alexia beams, and that does warm your heart somewhat. Her passion for her work, her career, her life, was forever an invigorating thing to witness. It's a shame you weren't in the right mood to appreciate it.
"That's great, Ale." You smile genuinely up at her, more than happy to return the soft kiss she offers.
It momentarily calms and heals a small part of you you'd been hoping she would subconsciously fix, but it wasn't enough and you recognised that straight away. You'd get on your knees, beg, and pray to any higher power that would listen to you just so you'd feel okay for one more day. Except, who do you pray to when you don't believe in God?
"What's that?" She points to the white plastic bag from earlier.
"Oh, the bag for the groceries ripped as soon as I walked in. Must have forgotten to pick it up." You shrug it off, wishing for her attention to be elsewhere for the time being. "I haven't started dinner yet, sorry."
"That's okay." She smiles, shrugging a shoulder nonchalantly and kissing your cheek. "How was your day?"
Tough question.
"It was alright, haven't done much." You brush it off, taking her hand and leading her to the kitchen... where the whole area was still a state.
"Oh, what happened here?" Alexia frowns.
If it was just a few items, she wouldn't be so puzzled, but when a good portion of the food left out was fridge and freezer food? Strange.
"I... I, when the bag ripped before, a jar smashed by the door and, uh... I took a while cleaning it and forgot to put the rest of the stuff away." You ramble unusually quickly. It was a blatant lie, but she didn't need to know that.
Except, Alexia was an incredibly attentive person, and she knew straight away that something was amiss. The first sign was that, in her intelligent mind, she knew that theoretically if a jar filled were to smash by the front door, the white bag from earlier would have been covered in its contents - but that wasn't the case. The second sign: whenever you cleaned your apartment, you used a very strong smelling citrus scented spray - she often complained about it and nagged you to get one that smelt nicer. Your apartment didn't smell uncomfortably citrusy right now. Funny observation, sure, but these two pieces of seemingly inconspicuous evidence gave away the fact you weren't right. Oh, and your strange behaviour showcased on the phone earlier and a few moments ago didn't help your case either.
But, she chose not to pressure you about it yet. She wanted to wait until you perhaps opened up to her some point this evening. However, that didn't entirely stop her from speaking up.
"Ven aquí, amor." Alexia demands calmly, reaching a hand out to you. Suppressing a sigh, you take it, and she looks down at you with a pressing stare. "Answer me honestly. Are you okay?"
No.
"Yes, I'm okay. I'm fine, Ale, I am." You try to reassure her, squeezing her hand and smiling up at her.
"You promise?" Alexia raises her eyebrows and offers her pinky for you to seal your, rather untruthful, truth. "It's okay if something isn't right."
Pinky promises, as childish as they may come across to some, were never to be broken. Since the start of your relationship, they had been a thing that had been utilised by the both of you to ensure you are telling the truth. Alexia had broken one of her promises she had made to you before in the past, so why couldn't you do one in return? It's only fair, right? Relationships were meant to be equal after all.
"Promise." You smile again and raise your other hand to lock fingers with her. She smiles, though you can see she's not convinced, but nevertheless she kisses your knuckle.
"Can I help you cook?"
"I'm meant to be cooking for you. And you are a bit of a control freak in the kitchen." You tease, desperately trying to steer the night away from the morose direction it could go down, and instead towards the light-hearted, content way you so needed.
"I think I am just a control freak in general." She smirks at you before turning to put away the disregarded shopping. You would also happily accept that direction too, you supposed. "Venga, I am so hungry, I skipped lunch at training for a meeting and now I regret it."
To your relief, you both make peaceful conversation once you've told her what you planned on cooking, and it's so peacefully domestic as you do your individual tasks beside each other. Every so often, Alexia will joke and bump her hip into yours as you giggle, and this version of your girlfriend is exactly what you needed. For a moment, you feel the cloud over your head slither away, until the topic you wanted to avoid came up.
"So, what do you think of me telling my Mami about us? You never gave me a response on call earlier."
You freeze momentarily, Alexia thankfully not noticing from the corner of her eye. With a subtle clearing of your throat, you continue cutting up the chilli peppers on the board in front of you, but your now shaking hands pose as a slight kitchen hazard considering the sharp knife you were wielding.
"I, yeah, it's nice. Nice that you, um... did that." You stutter out anxiously, nausea settling cruelly in the pit of your stomach. Alexia takes in your reaction and laughs under her breath, turning briefly to leave a kiss on your forehead.
"No need to be nervous, amor. We have been together for many months now, it was due to happen soon. And M-"
"Ow- fuck!" You gasp sharply, dropping the knife immediately and cradling your hand as blood began dripping from the middle joint of your index finger.
"Woah, amor, what happened?" Alexia winces at the sight, grabbing a few squares of kitchen paper and pressing it against your cut.
"I- my hand slipped and I obviously cut myself." You grimace, eyes tightly shut to rid yourself of the sight. "It burns too, fuck."
Alexia knew you didn't handle blood too well, so she turned you away from the scene and wrapped one arm around your back, rubbing up and down comfortingly whilst she still applied pressure to the cut.
"It's okay, it's okay, it hurts more because of the chilli. Take some breaths, vale?" You nod hastily, not really realising your cheeks had puffed out as you held your breath. Alexia watches your face closely, eyes still closed as you took deep breaths to calm yourself. "You're doing good, bebita. Keep doing that, so good. Let's relax a bit, hm? We should sit down in case you get lightheaded."
The last sentence is her thinking out loud as she started guiding you towards one of the chairs at the dining table. Resting one elbow on the table whilst Alexia continued to hold your wounded hand, you lay your forehead against your uninjured hand as Alexia crouched beside you. Your joined hands lay in your lap as you calmed down, or at least tried to.
To Alexia, it would appear that you were just mentally recovering from the shock of the incident. But actually, you were trying to dispel the unsuspected horror that filled you to the brim at Alexia's earlier reminder.
I told my Mami about you today. She wants to meet you.
That line inevitably meant you had to tell your family too. Except, you couldn't. There was no way you would, no way you could, not without facing realities you had pressed down far into unreachable and forgettable depths of your mind. It was all too much, it was simply not a possibility for you. You knew what it would lead to, and you weren't ready for that.
For the past months you'd been with Alexia and the time you spent getting to know her before that, you had mostly lived in a bubble that dissociated you from the broken, cracked, ruined, utterly destroyed parts of your brain. It had been perfect so far, and you'd be fucking damned to leave that bubble now. But perhaps it was too late and the damage had been done long before Alexia said what she said earlier, maybe that darkness just needed a catalyst before it submerged you in its wake.
"Amor? Hey, come back." One of Alexia's hands lightly patted your cheek to bring you back into the room. "You scared me there. Your breathing got really bad and you were in a... a weird daze. I was talking but you weren't reacting or anything. Are you back now?"
You nodded wordlessly at her, still not entirely taking in what she was saying.
"The blood... freaked me out." You rasp breathlessly, shaking your head a little to rid the glaze over your vision.
"That's okay. Do you feel a little dizzy? I can get you something to help that. Clear your head maybe." You nod again, and she gently lets go of your hand. Cold shivers immediately burst through at the lost contact, but you had to get over yourself and get used to it.
Cautiously, you take the tissue off of your hand and inspect the damage. It doesn't seem deep enough for stitches, which instantly fills you with relief. If you weren't already in a state of intense dismay already, a trip to the hospital would cause a hurricane of emotions that left a lasting imprint on everything and everyone around.
"Here, some apple juice. To get your blood sugar back." Alexia places a mug of apple juice in front of you and notices your now bare hand. "Oof, amor, that looks painful. I'm not sure if that may need a doct-"
"No! No doctors, no hospital. It doesn't need stitches, it's fine." You rush out, eyes wide in what Alexia guesses is fear as you look down at where she's crouched again. "Please, no hospital. It just needs to be cleaned and wrapped up."
"Okay, if you are sure." Alexia replies, nudging the cup closer to you. "Drink that and I will get the first aid kit."
You do as she says, drinking the half-empty cup of apple juice whilst she searches through the kitchen for the green box of medical supplies. Her eyes hardly leave your slumped form at the table, filled with worry for you. Things weren't adding up now, it was obvious, and she wasn't sure how much longer she could ignore it.
A part of her feels afraid to push you; emotionally she wants the best for you and if subtly, or not so subtly, urging you to do that works then she'll do it, but intellectually she senses a deep, internalised issue that could rip through you if handled incorrectly. It's not up to her to cause that. So she asks a question that's so layered it flattens all remaining atmosphere in the room.
"Cariño, how do you feel now?" She pretends to busy herself with organising the already packed box of medical necessities you kept.
"Better." Phyiscally true, but mentally wrong.
"Why don't we order something for dinner instead?"
As if you weren't filled with disconcertion already, that suggestion signs, seals, and stamps the envelope set to be sent to the fucking psyche ward for your admission. Were you so inadequate now that you couldn't even cook a simple meal? Apparently so.
"O-Okay."
Alexia frowns and comes back over with alcohol wipes, antiseptic cream, and a box of plasters, placing her items on the table and gently tapping your chin to get you to look up at her.
"I love you, you know that?"
The words fell from her lips before she could stop them. Alexia maybe wasn't the most emotionally helpful person ever but she sure did try. She thought her saying that would comfort at least a small part of you, but she couldn't be more wrong. It planted the seed of an unforgivable idea in your head.
The realisation of what you had to do poured over you like cold water, washing away every ounce of the little remaining hope and positivity you had. A feeling akin to mourning settled in your heart, accompanied by the debilitating weight of this twisted entity in your mind seeping into your bones. Your body strained under the heaviness of it all, unable to capacitate for the burden of living life like this, only confirming that the thing you must do was your only solution. Your lower lip quivered as the thought consumed you, the devil in your head chanting it over and over and over and o-
"I do know." Your lips tug into a smile but your throat bobs to conceal the sobs bubbling at the surface. "I know that. I love you too."
For the remaining time you had with her, you would make sure she knew that too.
"Let's get you cleaned up, hm?"
It's silent between you both as she delicately cleans the wound before applying cream and wrapping it up in bandages. It's silent as she leads you to the sofa, silent as she ordered your meal for you from one of the common takeaways you always got together. It's silent as you wait for it to come. It's less silent when Alexia turns on Netflix and opts for a new TV show for you both to watch together. It's still fairly silent even as you sit beside her, back stiff and straight beside the woman whose heart you were soon to break.
Alexia has never loathed quietness more than she does right now. It was an occurrence she valued at any other point in her life; watching football, reading, studying a game, relaxing in a post-match bath, going on a solitary walk to gain some peace of mind. But here, in this moment beside you, her skin crawls at the unbearable stillness of the room. Sure, she did enjoy silence with you too, but it felt like the unavoidable elephant in the room was stomping on her heart with every beat of her heart. There was a hidden agenda in the belly of the beast attacking her, and for some reason it felt like she was running out of time to put out the fire.
Her spiralling was interrupted when the buzzer of your apartment rang through the room, letting you know there was someone outside of the apartment complex without a fob to enter the building. Alexia reluctantly gets up from the sofa to let them in and hovers by the door to wait for the delivery driver to find your flat. She keeps her eyes on you, subtly watching you attentively, but even if she stood face-to-face with you, noses touching and breaths mingling, you wouldn't have a clue she was there. Your senses were incredibly warped and you were so far detached from reality, it felt like you and Alexia were two worlds apart.
What's at stake right now is something that's much bigger than the both of you. The dynamic around you may as well have a 'fragile: handle with care' sticker slapped on it, except, even that wouldn't have stopped the hands of the puppets controlling the world from acting so cruelly. You'd taken constant blows for quite some time now with no respite. Just as you started to recover from one punch, another would come to hit you square in the face.
"Hey." Alexia lightly knocks on your forehead with her knuckle. Every concerned glance from the woman in front of you felt like a jab at your body, slowly working you down until you gave in. "You are here, but you are not here."
You blink gormlessly up at her, your shoulders lifting in a careless shrug before you took back control of your mind.
"Food's here?" You force a smile, taking the paper bag from her hand and walking on shaking legs to the kitchen. You get plates and cutlery out, dishing up your meals before joining Alexia back on the couch, the taller woman now the one seemingly stuck in her head. "Ale, your meal."
"Ah, thank you." She leans in to quickly kiss your cheek when you sit beside her again.
The blonde woman has one more trick up her sleeve to try and bring you out of your shell, and it's one she hardly ever played.
Immediately, she begins to babble on about her day and her teammates and her family and whatever new antics Mapi and the youngsters had got up to, going abnormally overboard with the amount of anecdotes she was spewing out. Everybody knew Alexia was not a talkative person, and she only ever acted like this when she was in a rare giddy mood. And that really was rare.
The Alexia on display so far tonight was not in a giddy mood. She was happy, of course she was, but factor in the concern she'd shown for you tonight and the giddiness she had not portrayed at all even recently, something was off. It threw you completely off-kilter, and it didn't take a genius to figure out why she was doing this.
"I'll tell my Dad about us tomorrow." You blurted out, interrupting another of her rambles. It's kind of the truth, not all of it, and it's not the biggest decision you've made for yourself tonight, but you owed her something at least for putting up with you.
"Que?" She frowns. Out of all things she'd expected you to say tonight, that wasn't one of them.
"You're talking a lot because you want to know why I'm acting weird. It's because I'm thinking about telling my Dad about us, I'm scared to do it but you told Eli so I'll tell my Dad." You explained, pushing your food around your plate as Alexia processes your words for a moment.
"You don't have to do that if you don't want to. I don't mind, I know things haven't been... haven't been great between you both since your Mu-"
"Okay, but he's still my Dad." You cut her off again. You're not in the mood to discuss what she was about to bring up.
"You don't owe him anything, amor. Sure, he's your Dad, but you said it yourself only a few weeks ago; he's an idiot. No one should treat their child the way he's treated you after they've just lost their Mami."
There. She said it anyway.
"Alexia, I know you're just trying to stick up for me, but please don't go there. This has nothing to do with my Mum." Another partial lie.
The subconscious, realistic part of you knows every issue you've had in the last two years has everything to do with... her. But right now, the impulsive side that has been at the forefront of your mind ever since it happened wants to blame everything on the world around you and not your flaws that you've ignored all this time. Anyone could see that your refusal to sit with your grief and just feel was your Achilles' heel.
"Okay. I'm sorry for mentioning it. But I am absolutely on your side, amor, I'm always on your side. So if you want to tell your Dad, tell him. If you want me there next to you or if you want me out of the country whilst you do it, then I'll do it. I will do whatever you want me to." Alexia tells you, her voice pleading as earnest swirled around the eyes that bore down into you.
Well, you thought, that's good to know.
"Thank you." You smile ever so slightly, dropping your fork and placing a hand on her leg. You squeeze her knee three times, one more chance for her to understand the love you held for her.
"De nada, amor. Now eat up, please."
The pair of you spent the rest of the evening delicately dancing around the untamed elephant from earlier whose patience was wearing thin at the prospect of going entirely avoided for the night. Conversation topics were kept light, finally giving you a brief reprieve from the onslaught of your mind, and Alexia kept her arms tight as they wrapped around you. It was as if with each breath you let out or with each twitch of your body, she held on tighter and tighter, every hint of movement from you a reminder of your presence and how much she ineffably adored you.
Yet, the sun began to set, indicating that it was almost time for Alexia to leave for the night. She had to get up early tomorrow whilst you had the day off, and initially Alexia always agreed that when this was the case, you should sleep separately so that you could rest. However, as she collected her bag and slipped on her shoes, she kept her movements purposely slow to delay her departure. The last thing she wanted to do was leave you alone.
"Are you sure you will be okay tonight?" Alexia sighs, a reluctant hand on the door handle.
"I'll be okay." You answer simply, hesitating for a moment to decide on your goodbye gesture, before settling for a lone kiss on the cheek.
"Call me, immediately, if that changes. If you wake up in the night and need me, I will be straight here. If you call me in the middle of training, I will be straight here. Please. Don't suffer on your own."
Oh Alexia. If only you weren't so late.
"Everything will be okay, Ale." You tell her, desperately trying to disguise the emotion threatening to break through. "Te veo pronto, sí?"
"Sí. I love you." Alexia smiles, pressing a lingering kiss to your forehead, then opening the door.
"I know." Is all you can say now to that declaration. And fuck, if Alexia hadn't felt so uneasy in her life after that.
Somehow, you managed to sleep that night. Maybe it was your body allowing you to build up all the strength you need for the day ahead, because your life was about to be irreversibly changed. And the worst was yet to come.
"Hi Dad." You murmur quietly from your place in the corner of your sofa, legs tucked underneath you as you pitifully hold onto a cushion for comfort.
"Well, it's been a while since I've heard from you." The man on the other side of the phone chuckles spitefully. "Remembered who I was again?"
"Hm. How have you been?" The best way to deal with such a man was to ignore his behaviour, in the hopes he dropped the act when you didn't give a reaction. Perhaps you underestimated him.
"That's a loaded question, you know that. It's all everyone asks nowadays and I'm fucking sick of it." He grumbled, and for the first time in a while it sounded like his anger wasn't directed at you.
"I do know that." You stated.
"So why ask then? Still as dense as ever, I see."
Okay, well, clearly you judged him too soon.
"I just wanted to see how you were doing." You mumble insecurely, a frown settling on your face as you try to hold back the emotions you knew would spill out sooner rather than later.
"Don't lie to me." He snapped through gritted teeth. "You couldn't give a shit about me if your life depended on it. Be honest and tell me what you want, I have better things to do than talk to you."
"I... I have a girlfriend, Dad. Here in Barcelona, I've met someone." You reveal with a hint of a smile on your face.
All morning, you'd been in over your head on whether to tell him about Alexia. Part of you thought it was futile since you had already decided on your future with her, or rather, the lack thereof. But the naïve and childish part of you painfully thought he could be happy. That wasn't a concept this man had understood as of late, so it was a wonder why you'd thought he'd be happy for you. Especially given his latest behaviour, and his long-standing opinion on your sexuality. If only your Mother was here.
"Wow. Because I couldn't give you the life you want after your Mum left-" he could never say the true reason for her absence out loud, "-you look for it elsewhere? What did I tell you about doing that? A home can't be a person, kiddo, you need to stop looking for that. Your Mother wasn't home, I'm not home, this new 'girlfriend' isn't home, a person cannot be a fucking home! You're just desperate to fill in the love that's absent in the death of your Mother. Get a fucking grip of yourself and get over it, this 'girlfriend' business. You know your Mum would never have stood for this."
Silence.
Of all the words in the world, across all languages and cultures, over all periods of time, there was only one description to be used of how you felt right now. In your little flat in the heart of Barcelona, cowering in the corner of the couch, you felt suffocated. Any semblance of clarity, peace, hope, love - suffocated, by the words of your father, by the events that had changed you for the worse throughout your life, by the burden of simply just living.
Except, the words 'living' and 'simply' could never be used in the same sentence, because that wasn't a possibility. Every aspect of human nature wasn't simple, that's the beauty in it. The thousands of tiny mechanical functions in your body that allow you to breathe, the hundreds of muscles exerting themselves daily for one small step, the twitches and spasms of nerve endings to feel just a little alive. And despite it only requiring thirteen miniscule muscles to smile compared to forty-seven to frown, the latter felt so much easier. The weight of a smile had never seemed so damning, so suffocating.
The promise of life was a unique one, that's common knowledge and yes, life is beautiful, but any glorification of the struggle of living was inefficacious, nothing could extinguish the flame of the fire inside of your mind that was already uncontrollably burning through your self-preservation. No promise of light one day shining in your world again was worth it; you were merely a shadow of the people you loved.
"Okay Dad." You choke out. Even uttering one word was such a fucking exhausting challenge. "I... I planned on breaking up with her anyway. I think I want to come home."
You expected the feeling of verbalising your plans to be freeing, but the gravity of what you were going to do grounded you so humbly it almost almost stopped your heart entirely.
"Wow, I mean, if I had known that you would listen to my opinion and follow my advice so quick, I would have given it more often." He laughed maliciously, his way of celebrating your fall from grace.
"Can I come home?" You can't stop yourself in time from asking that question in such a begging tone. Another victory for him.
"I don't think that's a good idea, sweetheart. If you're that desperate, maybe stay with your grandparents. Perhaps they'll want you." He sighed as he said it as if he was in a rush, acting like speaking to his daughter was such a chore. "Listen kiddo, you done now? I've gotta go."
"Yep, I'm done. Can I see you if I come home?" The question was paired with a hasty swipe away of tears as if the man hundreds of miles away could see them.
"Oh honey. You fascinate me. You're at danger of almost being interesting now, you know that?" He laughed once more at his own words before hanging up.
Silence again. Such a plaguing thing.
The weight of the conversation you just had collapsed down on you, a whirlwind of emotions surging through you as a result of it. Each beat of your heart served as a reminder of every word spat at you from the man you once thought held all the love you had to give, the thump against your chest echoing his disappointment and distaste for you. A daughter's love for their father was undoubtedly one of the most dangerous things to themselves, proving that point yourself as you mentally scrambled to find a way to mend the fractured bond, yet each time coming up empty, feeling powerless and minute in the face of your father's disappointment. Every response from that man carved deep wounds of guilt and regret into every crevice of your mind.
Behind a facade of stoicism, a torrent of emotions fulminated throughout your body - a spiteful mix of every insecurity, every doubt, every shattered dream, it all coming together to form the final piece of the puzzle that was needed to make the decision to break out of your life. There was no other choice.
Outwardly, there wasn't a hint of such breakage shown anywhere on your body. And that's how it had to be, that's how you had to be. Completely numb to it all until you had escaped this turmoil.
By 2pm, everything was different.
Flight booked. Every suitcase you owned bursting at the seams, waiting by the door. Apartment tenancy ripped up. Your resignation handed in to your work. Every bit of furniture, every little trinket, all of it ready to be left behind. Despite it all, the most heartbreaking symbol of your new start, was the cardboard box of Alexia's belongings sat in the passenger seat of your car as you drove, waiting to be dropped off discreetly outside her door.
Your life was the perfect image to sum up how quick things can change. Twenty-four hours ago, you were walking to the local supermarket to pick up the stuff to make a perfect meal for you and your girlfriend to eat and have a quiet, relaxed evening together. Now? You were driving to said girlfriend's apartment, equipped with the words to tear your lives apart.
Oh, how things change.
In the blink of an eye, you were parked up outside her apartment building. You had the key to her apartment in your hand and the code to enter the complex memorised for one more use. You failed to notice her car parked in her usual space as you walked through the car park. The heaviness of the box was nothing compared to the heaviness in your chest of what you were about to do.
Ears ringing, eyes blurred with unshed tears, throat burning and constricted, your bones aching under the weight of purely just existing, all of it immensely overwhelming. But you were numb still. Numb and out of tune with your feelings, because you had to be. Otherwise, all of this couldn't happen. There was no way any of this would be possible if you just listened to what your heart wanted. No, that devil on your shoulder had gotten its way once again.
"Oh, what are you doing here?"
Fuck.
You had truly done it this time, because here Alexia was, standing in the doorway of her apartment as you froze at the sight of her.
"What are you doing here?" You ask frantically, desperately praying for her attention to be anywhere but the box of her stuff in your arms.
"Well, this is my apartment, amor. I just got back from training but I left my phone in my car." Alexia answers, an eyebrow raised down at you. Of course she'd catch on that something was wrong. She always did. It was one of the things you loved her for. "What's this? Are you a delivery driver now?"
She laughs to herself as she says it, taking the box from your arms and placing it on the floor. You're still stuck to the spot, eyes wide in fear at what she was about to find, and your heart thumps angrily against your chest in protest, trying to get you to react in some way. But it's too late. Alexia has already opened the box and began to read the letter in there before you could stop her.
The smile on her face immediately dissipates at the first line.
"To Ale, I'm sorry... what do you mean?" She asks, glancing up at you briefly before continuing to read it.
That's when your body finally decides to react. You slowly back away from the woman in front of you, but Alexia grabs your wrist tightly to stop you from running away.
"No, you will not leave my sight right now. Explain this fucking letter, what is going on?" Alexia attempts to sound commanding, but there's a certain glisten to her eyes and a lump in her throat. "What is going on? Tell me, now, please."
"I... I'm sorry, Alexia." You croak out, rushing to wipe the tears already falling with the sleeve of your sweater. "I am sorry, you have to know that."
"Sorry about what!?" Alexia shouts, then takes a deep breath to compose herself momentarily. "Come inside, sit down, and please can we talk?"
"Everything I have to say is in the letter, Alexia, I-"
"No, no it is not. This letter is hardly a whole page. You've come to my apartment with a box of my stuff and a letter that starts with the words 'I'm sorry', I'm not letting you leave." Alexia says, and you have no choice but to listen to her. However, she softens for a moment, and the lost look on her face tugs on every one of your heart strings. She takes one of your hands and squeezes it three times, resulting in another stream of tears from yourself. "Please. Whatever is going on, give us a chance to solve it. I need you to explain what's happened so I can help you, amor. Please."
You relent easily, forever at her mercy, and follow her into her apartment. She leaves the stacked box by the front door, completely unbothered by it - in fact, she doesn't ever want to look inside it if this conversation goes the way she thinks it'll go. She's kicking herself mentally, her mind already skimming over every interaction she's had with you recently, desperately trying to plot a point in time where your attitude had changed. It's easy for her to do so, the moment jumps out almost immediately. If only she hadn't been so scared, so cautious, maybe she could have solved this before it was too late.
"What do you want me to say, Ale?" You sigh exasperatedly as you sit on the edge of her sofa, eyes fixated on your fidgeting hands.
"What do I want you to say? Amor, I want you to be honest and explain why you're sorry, why you've come over with all my stuff, why you've written me this letter. It's all come out of nowhere, I have no idea what's going on and I just want you to clue me in. Yesterday we were laughing together and having a nice evening, and now you're... I don't even want to say it." Alexia laughs nervously as she speaks, her shoulder stuck up in a shrug as her hands gesture eratically.
"It's okay, I'll say it for you." Your false facade takes over, body armoured with a hard exterior. "I'm leaving, Ale. I'm leaving Barcelona, leaving Spain."
To hear you say those words were perhaps the greatest pain Alexia has ever felt in her life.
"Leaving... leaving me?" She whispers quietly, the question punctuated with a gulp as she swallows her emotions.
She sounds eerily similar to a young, innocent child who's just lost all they've ever known. It makes you wonder for a brief second if you're a sick individual for causing such pain, but you shun those thoughts away for a later date, because right now you need all the feigned courage you can muster up.
"Yes." The ease with which you say it sends shivers down her spine. It's the hardest sentence you've ever had to say, and it's just one word - once more an example of how life can never be conformed to simplicity.
"Why are you being so cold? This is not the woman I know." Alexia practically pleads, inching closer to you on the sofa. Her hands land on your knees, but you're too far in to back out now.
"I don't know who I am anymore, Alexia. I need time and space to figure my shit out, that's what is best for me right now and that's why I have to go." She scoffs in your face once you've finished, and that's the moment this conversation goes far more downhill you could have expected.
"What about me? What about what's best for me? You're leaving me behind!"
"Leaving you behind? You're acting like a sad dog that I've just abandoned in the middle of nowhere! You were perfectly fine in your life, your very successful and established life might I add, before I came along and you'll be better off without me!" You snap back. This is not the direction you thought this would go. "Why can't you accept the fact I need to leave?"
"Because I fucking love you! I love you and I don't want to live a life that doesn't have you in it! But maybe I should grow out of that opinion since it seems so easy for you to turn off your feelings for me, so easy for you to be so selfish at the flick of a switch."
"Selfish? I'm being selfish?" You repeat her words back to her with an outraged laughter that sounds all too familiar to you. Is this who you've turned into? "I'm being selfish for choosing what's best for me? I'm being selfish for wanting to take time on my own to figure my life out? I'm being selfish for wanting to take time to grieve my own, dead Mother?"
Alexia's face falls as soon as those words come out of your mouth. Never in her life had a sentence caused such a visceral reaction from her because it feels like someone's just plunged a dagger right into her heart. She'd been too panicked, too focused, on her own feelings to even wonder why you had made this decision. She had been the selfish one for jumping to conclusions and now her lethal arguments had completely tanked the conversation. The possibility that there was no coming back from her vicious assumptions instilled a deeper, darker fear in her than she had ever felt in her life.
"No, no, I didn't-" She begins to dig herself out of the hole she finds herself in, but you're in no mood to entertain her begging.
"Good one. Really funny, that." You stand up and go to walk away, but not without one last attempt from Alexia to stop you.
"I didn't mean that, I swear, I am just so confused and scared and-"
"Do you not think I'm scared too? This will be the second time I've uprooted my life and regretted everything I have ever done. I'm terrified to leave, terrified to find out what's waiting for me at home, terrified to figure maybe this is all I am and that there's no better side of myself to find." Your voice trembles with a mix of fear and fury. "I've realised that throughout our whole relationship, from the moment I stepped into this country, I've been someone that I'm not. Losing my Mum was losing the biggest part of myself, and everything I've done from then 'til now has just been a poor attempt at filling in the hole in my heart-"
"S-so, what, you're saying our relationship was fake?" Alexia splutters out. You pause at her words, completely caught off-guard by her utterly stupid and inept fight back.
"That's what you caught from all that?" You ask, dumbfounded. "Right. Because it's always about you, Alexia, isn't it? This whole conversation has just been you talking about yourself. Have you even properly heard what I've said? Have you read more than the first line of my letter?" The guilty look on her face says it all. "That's what I thought."
"But I... I know what it's like to lose a parent, amor, I can help you!"
"Wow. For the sake of us both, don't go there, Alexia. Don't." You fix her a warning glare, shaking your arm out of the grasp of her hand.
"You can't leave. You can't, I won't let you. It's not right." She speaks sternly again now, a final plea for your relationship.
"Oh, fuck off Alexia. You have the emotional maturity of a teenage boy. I'm done with this now. Good luck at the World Cup this summer."
You walk out and slam her door shut without looking back.
Alexia's life had just taken a nosedive, because a breakup was absolutely not on her agenda for the day. The hand that had grabbed your arm earlier tingled with the stain of your touch and certain areas of the room were tainted by the lingering scent of your perfume. One conversation and you had vanished from her life - an excruciating result caused by her own incompetency to act like a decent human being.
For some time after you had left, she had been stuck rooted to her sofa, her mental temporarily ruined by the events of the day. A traumatic event had occurred, this was a natural reaction, to go into shock. To be so damaged by something that all she could do was sit and be consciously unconscious to the world around her until her body and mind could recover.
There was one phrase that ran circles around her mind. It isn't fair. What that defiance was directed at, she wasn't so sure yet. At first it had been you, but as the clouds cleared a little, it was obvious that it wasn't. Despite her words earlier and how accusing they came out, she didn't blame you. Not one bit. No, her anger was aimed at the so called 'fate' bullshit that everyone championed so often. How can people praise such a phenomenon when it had brought so much evil into people's lives? It felt like everything came at the price of something, and that's not fair.
For Alexia? It felt like her career came with the price of her Father. Everything she had done was because of him, and he couldn't even be here to see it. No, because fate or destiny or whatever other nickname it had, had taken that opportunity away from her. It isn't fair. For you? If anyone asked you, in the future when you're in your rocking chair, a knitted blanket draped over you and the waves of the ocean lapping away in front of your eyes, you'd say that in this period of time you had gained the world for the price of your soul. This dichotomy of good and evil sometimes felt like it wasn't worth the fight because in cases like this, it just wasn't fair.
The realisation of it all left a sour taste in Alexia's mouth. But something seemed to snap in her, some higher power finally giving her a backbone, and she sprung into action. You didn't deserve any of the stuff that had happened to you, and she sure as hell wasn't going to be another name on that list. One of her worst fears, a view shared by all of humanity, was to remember someone she loved in such a gut-wrenchingly awful way that it tarnished her entire memory of them. That's something she couldn't do with you. If you were to end this, it had to be on good terms.
So, she grabbed her keys and headed down to her car, where her phone still was. Alexia was a determined woman; when she put her mind to something, she got it done. This would be no different.
Call after call, after call, after call, came through on your phone from the one woman you probably least expected. There was only so long you could hold her off because, after all, you were once in a relationship with the woman, meaning you got a front row seat to her persistance.
"Hi, uh, Alexia. What do you want?" You say when you answer, finally.
"We have to talk more." Alexia rushes out quickly, for lack of better words and composure.
"I don't know if I want that after what happened earlier." You state in a defensive tone. But secretly, you craved nothing more.
"I know, and I am so so sorry for all that. It was so selfish and awful of me, I regretted every word that came out of my mouth the second I said it. I just... can we talk again? Please?" She begs, her hand fidgeting against the steering wheel of her car as tears silently rolled down her cheeks. "I would hate myself if I didn't at least try for this, amor, let me try."
"The decision is final, Ale, you can't change it. I'm sorry. You said yesterday that you would do whatever I wanted you to do. Well, this is what I need you to do, Alexia. I need you to let me go."
"Okay." Alexia squeezes her eyes shut, tears spilling out the corners, and her clenched fist comes to rest against her forehead. "Can I see you one more time? So I can properly apologise? I have no other intentions than that, I promise. I just... I can't remember you that way. I can't remember us in the way we left it. It doesn't give us as people any respect and it does not do justice to the beauty of our relationship."
That was the tipping point for you. There's the woman you love.
"Okay." You smile and sit up in your bed where you previously lay in a cocoon of your own pity. "How about we meet on neutral grounds this time?"
"Let's do that." Alexia responds, and you can hear the smile in her voice.
Some time later, you found yourself walking along the promenade of the beach, looking for where Alexia said she was seated on one of the benches. It was a chilly evening with no help from the sea, so you had your hands tucked into your coat pockets and your chin hidden under the zip of your coat. Alexia had spotted you long ago, a content smile on her face at the all too familiar sight of you and your distaste for the cold. You recognise her soon after, taking a deep breath before approaching her.
"Hi." You mumble, muffled by your jacket and the wind whipping around you. Alexia hears it of course.
"Hi. Sit down, please?" Alexia taps her hand on the wooden slats of the bench beside her, and you quickly follow suit. "I, uh... got you this."
She hands over a takeaway cup of hot chocolate. Your favourite.
"Thank you. Something to keep my hands warm." You say, happy to see her laugh quietly and nod.
"Exactly why I got it."
The pair of you sit in silence for a while, encapsulated by the serenity of the sky and the elegance of the ocean. Strangely, you realise, the two things resemble you and Alexia. Two things of beauty that never quite meet, never quite mend, just a parallel that reflects each other. You can't tell if that's a horrifying allusion or a calming one.
"So, what's this then, a... a post-mortem of our relationship?" You joke, giggling when Alexia scrunches her nose at the suggestion.
"I mean... you could say that." She shudders as she says it, not quite at peace with the new revelation. She's not sure she ever will be.
"I have to go, Alexia. I... it's so hard leaving you behind. It's the hardest decision I've ever made, but it's one I have to make. I hope you know that."
"I do. I do know that. I want you to know I understand. I'll never be... content with it, but... it's a necessary evil." Alexia has her eyes cast down on her coffee cup, fiddling with the lid. You notice and take hold of one of her hands, intertwining your fingers perhaps for one final time.
"It is. I've got no energy to fight anymore. I need to sit with my emotions and all that shit," You pause as you sigh dramatically, making her laugh once more. "So that I can figure out who I am after all this. Doing that whilst in a relationship isn't fair on either of us. It'll only lead to something more soul destroying, no matter how hard this conversation is."
"I know." Alexia purses her lips and nods, finding the strength to look at you. A genuine smile breaks out onto her face. "I had a feeling something was wrong a little while ago. I guess I'm just... angry. That I can't solve it."
"I'm angry that I can't solve it." You repeat, a sad smile on your face. "There's just a lot wrong with me, I think. And I can't burden you with it all. I have a lot of baggage I drag along and there's an awful lot of cracks in my mind-"
"There's cracks in everything, amor, that's how the light shines in."
You had half a mind to berate her for interrupting you again, but you find yourself at a loss for words. Why were you leaving this woman again?
"I'll value you forever, Ale. Nothing could make me change that, even if we left things at what happened before. You're the most astounding person I've ever met, and even when I'm breaking your heart, you still treat me better than anyone else. If we forget what happened at your apartment." You tease, the both of you chuckling lightly.
"It's hard to hate you when you're breaking my heart so gently." Alexia states. "I'll always love you. It's probably not the right thing to say but it's the truth."
"No, I... I'll always love you too." You respond, absolutely certain. Despite the predicament you both find yourselves in, Alexia finds every bit of relief and closure she could ever need in that one simple sentence.
"When do you... when do you leave?" She asks with a sniffle.
"I fly out later tonight." You answer quietly.
"Will you come back one day?" It's the one thing she knows she probably shouldn't say, but she can't resist. She has to know.
"I don't know, to be honest." She turns away and nods slowly. You squeeze her hands three times.
"If you do, will you let me know?"
You can't promise her that, and she knows it.
"I will." You smile softly up at her.
You both fall into silence once more. This one feels a little less suffocating than those of the past. There's still so much more to say, but as your head falls to rest on Alexia's shoulder and you both look out at the view that had been the background of your relationship, neither of you can name a reason to interrupt the peace that's settled. It's perhaps more peace than either of you had felt in a long time.
The thing is, about the ocean and the sky, is that they do meet. They're one and the same in their own essence, and in the distance, they do eventually meet. And the sun will rise again. Two inevitable occurrences that form at the hands of a little thing called fate. Or destiny. Or whatever it is.
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jazjelspen · 1 month
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my angel baby (part 6)
alastor w/ angel daughter reader
(notes: alastor's adoptive daughter is in hell, let's hope she doesn't get eaten alive!)
(the singing lines you'll encounter were meant to not be in order.. you'll understand once you read it hehe >:) )
(caution: alastor being lowkey a bit manipulative? not too terrible but just word of caution.)
(tags: @maksdust @willowwillflower @sunshinesetsstuff @0willowwisp0 @projectdreamwalker @1potato2rulethemall @just-here-reading @avitute @pooplyface1423 @insomniacfigure @mo-0-o @thekanrojimitsuri2 @nevermorekisses @wildfire153 )
my editor <3: @kruncher
Rosie finished her sentence by patting your shoulder gently before her hands finally rested on the handle of her umbrella once more.
You fiddled with your hands as you shined an awkward smile.. you looked like a child about to give a powerpoint presentation to a class.
You then chose to immediately face the Princess once again, eyes on her entirely "but.. um.. Yes!.. Princess Charlie, I saw you at the courtroom presenting your case and I just have to say I'm very inspired!... and I would like to contribute to your cause somehow!.." you paused yourself from speaking too much into it.. wanting to save certain parts for only her ears to hear.
"I also would need to get back home.. and I know you have that sort of influence in Hell to get me a way in Heaven again!-- o...oh..-"
You felt your skin crawl as you barely acknowledged a suddenly teleported Alastor to your side, his staff holding up your injured wing gently to get a good look at the bandaged injury.. his eyes narrowing and a 'hmm' softly escaping his throat. 
A threatening spark in his eye flashed which resulted in your injured wing suddenly moving away from him, despite that flash not being for you specifically. 
In his usual Alastor fashion he seemed very collected, but it was a bit obvious he was much intrigued at your presence and your bandage.
Charlie seemed to finally catch her bearings, moving a few frazzled strands of hair away from her face. "Well.. Welcome either way! We can definitely do that! I will admit I only managed to get through to heaven thanks to my dad but I'm sure he can come up with some sort of way to get you back home!" she seemed to look at your halo and wings, your status as an angel very well seen and she was honestly a bit frazzled by a 'winner' falling down in here all of a sudden.
Rosie gently laid her hand on Alastor's shoulder "Poor little thing ain't she? Susan got her wing real good but I fixed her up right in the nick of time! no infection will harm her further."
Alastor's radio shriek happened again but in a much softer pitch "Susan did this?" There was a quick pause before Alastor spoke up again, "Oh I'll have to talk with Susan soon! How impolite could that old woman be! The senior citizens these days.." he rolled his eyes in a playful manner before Charlie spoke up again.
"Well!-- _____ was it? Let me see if I can get Vaggie to sho--"
"Nonsense!" Interrupted Alastor, almost practically jumping in between Charlie and yourself with a very odd excitement. "Why, I'll help of course! It is quite simple just taking a new guest to their new room!"
Charlie smiled half heartedly "Alastor that's so helpful of you! Just.. don't scare our guest please. I know how interesting you can.. get." the end of her sentence dragged on, as if dreading what he's capable of doing. "Oh and no deals! This is a freedom-oriented place! We don't want any souls to be collected here please.." she then just gave you two a thumbs up, a bit exhausted but still uplifting.
"Meanwhile I'll talk to Rosie here about her cannibals and how we intend to also keep them safe! While they also get their-- fill!.."
Alastor seemed to slither his arm around yours, elbows interlocking. "How exciting! There's so much to show you around here in the Hazbin Hotel! Gosh it'll make you wish to stay down here forever!" A loud cackle could be heard from him that eventually morphed into a bunch of static-covered laugher.
Your body froze as you were dragged away by Alastor up the velvet red steps, not even getting a chance to properly thank Rosie and Charlie.
You're stuck with him now.
Lucky you.
Getting dragged by Alastor was as if a swarm of wasps was lingering on your arm; absolutely nerve-wrecking. 
You stayed quiet as he continued to ramble, talking nonsense about hell, the hotel, how he thought of the name and the design.. basically bragging. It all went in one ear and out the other.
"--isn't that right darling?"
huh?
Your senses came back to you and your eyes flickered up to him once before looking down. "Oh.. my bad I didn't catch that.."
Alastor stopped in his tracks which immediately caused you to stop in yours. There was a pause..
"Why, my dear, since when have I ever had to repeat anything to you? You hardly ever daydreamed like this before!"
You let out a shaky exhale through your nose, "Yea.. sorry." you spoke in a subtle sarcastic way.
He shook his head, his tongue clicking into minor sounds of 'tsk tsk.' "Oh _____ darling there's no need to be so formal! I'm your father! Not a stranger."
You scoffed, "You seem to enjoy treating me like one."
His eyes narrowed down at you; you wanted to burst into a cold sweat just like that. 
"It's better that way, you have absolutely no clue about how animalistic these sinners can be!"
He let his arm uncurl around yours to stand in front of a hotel room door with one of the miscellaneous hotel numbers at the top, his hand covering over the door knob as a green glowing hue forced it to open with a single 'click', a key suddenly spawning and dropping right into the palm of his clawed hand.
Your nose scrunched up in slight disgust "Oh I, in fact, do have a clear idea.. "
Alastor didn't respond to your comment but simply took your hand and had your palm face upward, dropping the cold obsidian key on your skin.
"Your key to your new quarters! If there's any issues with it, do let us know how we can fix it for you."
Your fingers closed your hand around the item and held it tightly against your chest in a defensive stance.
"Uh huh.." you then skimmed past him to walk through the door, your free hand clenching onto the handle of your travel bag in stress.
"Although, I'm simply dying to know--" Alastor's haunting voice caused you to freeze, your head slowly tilted to look behind you with a chill down your spine. Alastor's eyes radiated red, red as sin. 
"Why exactly did you think it was a swell idea to drop aaaall the way down here?" His arm holding up his came pointing up and slowly down as he stretched out the word 'all', insinuating falling down from heaven.
"And somehow doing that while still staying pure as snow? Oh darling, I just must know!"
You huffed a sigh out your nose and rolled your eyes,
"You know, I really admire how hard you try to ask questions when you know I'm not gonna tell you anything."
"_______, even a blind and deaf man would know that voluntarily going down here is practically a suicide! And I know you, you must've thought of this real well hmm? Risking getting gutted like a fish?"
"What would you like to know.." you mumbled as you then proceeded to close the door on him, your back slowly turning towards him.
Until the door was harshly tugged back to stay open, looking over to see Alastor gripping the other end of the door knob.
He laughed, it intimidated and irritated you "My darling you seem to forget who I am. I'm no stranger, I didn't spend the entirety of my glory 20s and 30s to raise you alone just for you to attempt to disown me. Besides.. you still need me my dear. 
After all.. I was the one that held you when the thunder refused to subside, I built you a home.. a wonderful home that others would live in with pride!"
He grabbed your hand yet again to pull you out once more, twirled you suddenly and pointed at your current outfit, a bit dirty with faint spots of dirt on certain spots from first hitting that dumpster when you first got here. 
"Don't even have to mention the elephant in the room.. just simply look at you! Fragile as a flower, still a little sampling.. just a sprout." He next pointed at your wings, ears, and halo during the duration of his phrase. His tone slowly morphing into a familiar sing-song voice and melody you could have sworn was something from your childhood.
You scoffed "Okay that's nice and all but can I just g--"
"Father knows best! listen to your father, It's a scary world out there, " He teleported behind you in the opposite direction of where you were facing you, a hand on your shoulder as his shadow morphed into a more terrifying form for you to gasp and shriek at. 
"Father knows best, one way or another something will go wrong-- I swear!" You couldn't help but stumble a few steps back in shock and fear from seeing that shadow again, causing you to trip over your feet and end up getting thrown by gravity down to the floor in a sit-up position.
"Oh look! Sloppy, underdressed, immature, clumsy, please--" he walked up to you, bending down to grab your hand once more to pull you up harshly. His eyes glowing while closely meeting yours as his shadow laughed in the background menacingly "They'll eat you up alive!"
As he playfully shouted his words in that familiar sing-song melody that you couldn't exactly tap into at this moment, he yet continued to hold up your right hand up in the air and the other proceeded to hold your left.. he was now twirling you around across the hall diverting slightly far from your open hotel room as if you were both dancing in a mix of 30s and classic ballroom dancing. You tried to push him away but his grip was fierce and the sudden dancing confused you, making you unable to properly think about your next move.
"Father's right here, father will protect you, darling here's what I suggest!" He then finally stopped at the foot of your door, your vision getting a bit woozy from the intense spinning Alastor put you through. "Skip the drama, stay with papa--"
"Alastor for fucks sake!-" you finally exclaimed, rubbing your eyes and taking a moment to relax your eyes to recover from your previous state.
"I can handle myself! I know ways to protect my own skin and none of them involve you!" You panted as you stomped your way back in your given room, this time gripping the door handle with a grip you've never had before. 
"Now go do whatever it is you do, and leave me alone!" you slammed the door in his face and locked it as quickly as you could, eventually throwing your bag on your new and neat bed with a huff. 
You've never felt so much anger before since you were living and breathing-- these complicated emotions rising in you like a volcano that sat dormant for centuries until finally erupting and exploding fire and skin-melting magna. This all came out with you lashing out and now even wanting to tear up a bit since you always hated fighting-- with him, with anyone. It hurt. More than it should have. 
You simply crawled on your bed and held yourself, knees up to your chest and arms around your knees. Comforting yourself in the only way you knew how.
God, you hoped this trip in the end turned out to be worth it.
Alastor on the other hand simply smirked, your stubbornness will be no match to his own and he will be sure of that.
"Goodness. Even after all these years, the temper tantrums will never cease." He let out a small pitched 'hm' as he turned on his heel to head back to the Princess of Hell and help her with her next few plans with the battle against the exorcists. 
Unbeknownst to them, a pair of eyes noticed and witnessed the father and daughter's interaction in the hall.
Back to you,
Curled up in your hotel room you then decided to crawl over to your traveling bag, scrambling over to open it and hastily take out a few things like a smaller bag full of toiletries, clothes, and even your personal first aid box for emergencies. 
All would be put aside only for your hand to be looking for one thing in particular, hidden under all your neatly packed items was a journal you brought from back up in heaven to document events to keep your thoughts in place, help you cope with changes, and just as a way to express your emotions in a healthy way and you knew you would need these more during these next few weeks. 
Opening the hard cover your eyes were met with a small paper pocket that you taped up in order to save photographs and small thin memory trinkets. 
You smiled softly, your other hand then went to look at the side of your bag to take yet another photograph, it was the one you put in right before leaving your home to get to hell. 
Placing that photo on the cover of your bed, then taking out your photos that were inside that small pocket of your book you then spread them out all beside each other on your bed.
Six exact photos you had, each correlating to a specific memory you adored dearly.
First five photos were favorite memories of yours, some were of when you were hanging out with Sera, St. Peter, and other court member friends of yours. Either at picnics, libraries, shops, restaurants, etc. 
The last two were more than important to you though, they were two portrait pictures of her and you.
She was a much older woman, she died around the time you were born but never have you felt like someone was more like family in heaven than she did. Unfortunately you never had the chance to meet her until you were in heaven but at the same time after making an intense realization when getting to know her better it's as if you knew her your entire life. 
She was one of your favorite people, but one of your most painful reminders.
Your hand grazed over those two photos, your hand trying so hard not to clench them due to how many fucking things are setting in place, connecting to each other.
"I'll be back, I promise." you spoke to the images of her sitting beside her with her kind smile, you could see him through her smile as well "I'm sorry I never got to tell you what he did, who he really is.. you don't deserve the pain that comes with it if I did.."
You teared up, decades of guilt overwhelming you in this single moment. "I'm sorry grandmother, that he turned out this way.. that he did this to me."
You had no reason to apologize, no reason at all.
But she was so good to you, she recognized your last name but you couldn’t bear to ever tell her the truth and that guilt haunted you yet you reassured yourself it’s better to keep her from knowing who he really is with how highly she speaks of him. 
She treated you as if you were her own flesh and blood. She gave you a home as well up in heaven, took care of you.. guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in that aspect.
How can someone like him, with a mother like her, turn out the way he did.
How.. sad, that truly is.
—---------------------------------------
You were sixteen years of age when this specific event occurred.
You have always been a good kid, always done as you've been told such as '____ dear don't forget to wash your dishes today', '_____ don't forget about your school work.', 'get in bed now young lady, you still have a bedtime you know', and '______ dear you're a bit too young to read the news don't you think? read this instead, more appropriate for young girls your age!'
You have always done what your father told you, followed every rule he sets, avoided every thing he didn't want you to do. 
Although.. whenever you did something you weren't supposed to was where you slightly feared him. He never yelled, never was one to do so. He was always a gentleman and as kind as he could be, although most of it for show. 
One thing he always was, is being passive aggressive. 
Passive aggressiveness was one of his many strong suits, and using words to get you to fear and to avoid doing what you were not meant to do was his specialty. You always wanted to please your father, for you knew that your entire life was the way it was because he chose to be responsible for you. This didn't happen much though because you just always followed what he ordered.
But sometimes being too obedient can be tiring and you were starting to get a little brave recently.
You see, your father has never allowed you in his home office for as long as you could remember, for all you knew he only took you inside when you were a baby with no total awareness. 
Why were you never allowed in his study?
You were.. actually never sure yourself, at least not until the days leading up to your death.
You were always told it was because it was his private space where he wants to keep everything neat and tidy, and that he wants his work space where he saves and writes anything for his radio show in there and that anyone on the outside would simply ruin the ambiance inside that helps him work.. or whatever.
Although, the older you got and the more conscious you gained you eventually thought that this rule is kind of.. stupid? It's just a study but.. you just guessed that whatever your father said was true.
On this particular day though, you wanted to give him a surprise! Only issue was that it included the study..
It was the day before Alastor's birthday, and you just wanted to check his schedule without being too obvious at all to make sure you had time to slip his gift either in his bedroom or sent to his radio studio.. so you decided to quickly slip into his study and check it really fast and leave!..
You spent the entire month before to find someone and commission for them to make a portrait painting with you, Alastor, and his mother in a single frame. Even giving photos of your father and your grandmother for them to reference, due to the lack of colors at the time with photographs it was more of a monochrome painting at best. This would be your birthday gift to him.
You waited for him to leave for work for his evening broadcast and you just came from school, pretending to be reading a book you were assigned to while laying on your bed and relaxing.
Alastor knocked at your door, letting out a quick 'come in!' In reply, he opened it for only his face to pop out of your door with his iconic smile.
"Hello darling! Just wanted to let you know I'll be off to do my next broadcast! Don't forget to tune in soon if you don't have any school work to do."
"Yes father, see you soon!"
"See you soon sweetheart! if I'm late for dinner there's always some leftovers."
He waved at you before closing your door and leaving a bit hastily despite being very early. You stayed as silent as possible till you heard his footsteps distancing away and finally.. that distant loud click of the front door.
You got moving, dropping the book on the bed without a care while scrambling up and opening the door to your room, your feet pitter pattering across the hall and down in front of the study, your hand reaching towards the doorknob in excitement. 
Until you stopped.
'What if he finds out? do you think he'll notice the slightest change at all?.. would he yell or get mad?.. ground me?.. he's never grounded me much but..' your hand inched closer to the knob, the moment your fingertips touched the wooden texture that's when you knew you weren't going to turn back.
'well.. it's a huge surprise for him.. it's just checking his work schedule without him knowing so he won't have a clue I have a surprise for him, it'll be easy!..' 
And finally your fingers wrapped around the doorknob and finally opened the entrance to the study with sudden anticipation while the creek coming from the door only caused goosebumps up your arms.
The room itself was dark and smelled of old wood from the floorboards and dusty papers, speaking of the floors they creeped like crazy with each hesitant step you took inside while your eyes scanned the entire foreign environment. 
Your eyes managed to make out in the middle of the room a large cushioned chair positioned in front of an even larger wooden desk that was wide enough as a school principal's desk would be. Approaching it you now got to see more clearer details like several papers and folders being sprawled around the space, two half empty cups of his usual coffee, pens in pen holders and laid with the papers,.
Your eyes looked up to see the wooden walls organized with draped over portraits of Alastor himself as a kid, others of paintings of his mother that you haven't seen besides the one in the living room and the photos he showed you, and.. one of you as a toddler.. your eyes couldn't help but linger at that particular portrait of you that you have never seen.
You looked down at the desk again to look for his work schedule since all you knew was that it was in some leather journal you saw him carry before.
But you were yet again met with a framed photo standing on his desk and it was one of you as a baby! You've seen baby photos of yourself but never one of where you literally were still sleeping in the crib.. you couldn't help but smile. 
But you went back to work, opening the squeaky drawers filled with hardcover books, folders with dates and names of several shows he's done before. 
Looking at one of the drawers nearest to the ground on the right hand side was where you found even more photos of you as a baby! And even others of himself growing up and some of his mother, your heart warmed at the thought of your father always keeping his family in mind. 
And how amazing was it that the leather journal you were looking for to finally show up! 
Taking it out with great anticipation you skimmed through the pages of his endless paragraphs and paragraphs of letters and numbers.. suddenly stopping at a particular page where there were.. stains.. they looked almost black in the dark but by squinting your eyes you can barely tell a dark hue of red.. you stood up to see if there was a small lamp on the desk that you missed but right as yo--
"What are you doing here."
Alastor's voice boomed across the room startling you to the point where the journal closed and almost jumped out of your arms as you gasped.
Your eyes darted at the door which didn't seem to hear the creek open the way it did when you came in, covered in darkness was Alastor of course.. his eyes and smile seemingly piercing through the darkness as his figure was illuminated from the light in the halls.
"Father!-- I.. I'm.. I just wanted to--" He interrupted you not by speaking, but by walking in and the creeks from the wooden floors seemed more threatening than when you first heard them. The closer he got the more your shoulders raised up.. "Look I'm sorry I just wanted to see your work schedule, that's all!.."
"Darling." god even the way he pulled on the chain attached to the lamp made it scary as well.. "You have never disobeyed me before, how can I work comfortably now?"
"I'm.. I'm sorry.." 
Alastor's aura seemed to at least lighten up with the lamp now.. god.
"Guess I always knew this day was coming.." he shook his head in disappointment, "knew that soon you'd want to leave the nest."
"But I--"
"Soon, but not yet. Trust me, pet."
"But father! I just wanted to look at your work schedule.."
"And you could've asked, not sneaked in like some thief.. I never raised you that way." Despite how the situation is though.. he had his eerie permanent smile on his face which only confused you more.
"You see my dear, by disobeying me even in the simplest of things only calls for danger. Unnecessary trouble to lure and latch onto you. Trouble in which even I won't protect you from."
Why was he talking like this?.. you were unsure.. but you knew that he was leading on to make some kind of point.. but in a sing-song type of approach. 
It wasn't uncommon for him to sing lessons to you at this age or whatever age you and him were, it's a common thing to you that his theatrics were an everyday thing.. it's how you learned how to sing yourself.
He continued, "Gullible, naive, positively grubby, ditzy, and a bit.. well.. hmm.. vague!"
You shook your head in confusion, him taking himself beside you to then shine you the most.. warming smile yet. The mixed signals were insane.
Seeing your confusion he only intensified it more "oh but darling I'm just saying cause' I love you, father understands, father's here to help you, all I have is one request!..” he spun around you as he ended up facing you and holding your hands in his, finally pulling you in a warm hug. oh wow.. he was never one to say ‘I love you’ much.. This total change was whiplash at its finest. 
You melted in the hug quite easily as you were always an affectionate child, plus you wanted to get rid of the guilt by just.. hoping he would forget what you tried to do. 
“_____?”
“Yes?..” 
The energy changed.
“Don’t ever come back into my study, again.”
“I..” you were speechless.. you were starting to question his authority slightly more than ever but.. “Yes father..”
“Oh I love you very much dear..”
You smiled slightly despite the stern scold he gave just now, but he was also never one to hug much so this made you feel nice.. 
“I love you more..” you could almost feel Alastor slowly grab onto the journal you were holding and tucked it in his coat which he usually wore out to work. 
“I love you most.” Backing away from the embrace with his hands on your shoulders he also gave you an uncharacteristically yet fatherly peck on your forehead and hairline which was only saved for when he’s tucking you in at night and he’s having a good day. 
Leaving behind a small ‘peck’ sound. It was almost kinda awkward the way he stood, it was as if he was trying to make it convincing with how fast it was too. 
“Don’t forget it!” He smiled at you brightly as he raised up a finger to only move it side to side.
“You’ll regret it.. Father! Knows best..” he gave you simply two pats on the head with his palm and his book in his jacket due to how swiftly he took it from your hands. 
Leading you out the door with a swift motion of him pulling you by your wrist and into the hall once more.. this time making a mental note as he closed the door behind him to get a proper lock for his study next time.
He then immediately started scrambling out the door, “Oh well look at the time! Almost late for work! I’ll see you in a while, my flower! Remember, I trust you! Don’t break it again! Would be a shame if that were your gift for my birthday!..” Cheerfully announcing across the house as he finally reached the door to pop out in the wide world again.
Why did he come back? You could only assume he forgot the journal you were holding before..
You sighed, biting the inside of your cheek with your eyes wanting to water. “I just wanted to give you your gift perfectly..”
Arms crossed, you went back into your room and sat at the foot of your bed. Somberly regretting your terrible decisions..
‘Can't believe you broke his trust like that!.. and a day before his birthday??.. you must be out of your mind _____.’ Eyebrows turn down with a sad little frown on your face.
‘Although..’ your thoughts led you to look out the doorway of your room and into the dark hall. 
‘Is there anything else he’s trying to hide?..’
(HEYYYY thank you for reading chapter 6!! This was a total blast to write ✨ had so much fun trying to add a bit more detail into Alastor since he is still a serial killer, and he does this all out of love but it can definitely come out more.. manipulative. Whether he does it on purpose or not kinda depends on how you want to see it but personally he does it on purpose because he knows it’ll keep his daughter at bay qwq -and yes! I used tangled songs because personally I felt like it really emulated this side of him so ya!! He loves her to death but isn’t afraid at all to pull strings.)
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zepskies · 8 months
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Hey could I please request headcanons for how Dean would react to reader texting him "she's busy" as a joke, yk kind of like
Dean: Hey baby
Reader: She's busy
I really hope this makes sense and isn't so confusing 😭😭
Ooh I think I know what you mean. 😏
Pairing: Dean Winchester x F. Reader Word Count: 850
Imagine: Texting Dean when he's on a hunt.
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Once again, Dean sighed while he waited on his brother.
They were stopped at a 7-Eleven gas station after a hunt, but Dean had long ago filled up Baby's tank. Sam was inside, grabbing a few snacks for the road tomorrow. Supposedly.
Dean fished out his phone from his pocket and texted him.
Hey, Driving Miss Daisy. You good in there?
A couple of minutes later, Sam responded.
Yeah, just getting a few things.
Dean rolled his eyes. Right.
For half an hour? What, you taking a shit or something?
Sam's response was testy, just as Dean predicted.
Dean, give me a minute. Jesus.
Dean sighed, with a roll of his eyes. He scrolled back into his texts and found your name. He was a couple of states over from Lawrence, but still within the same timezone. You should still be awake back at the bunker.
He decided he wanted to hear your voice, let you know that he and Sam were going to catch one more night of rest here at the motel before they made the long drive back home.
But...you didn't answer when he called.
Weird. You were typically a night owl, either watching something or plugging away at your laptop. He tried texting you instead.
Hey, baby. You up?
He eventually saw the three gray dots pop up. You were typing...
She's busy.
Dean frowned. What the hell?
Had you invited someone over? Like Jody or Donna?
But neither of them would've replied like that...so he texted back.
Stop messing around.
Dean tried calling you again, but it went directly to voicemail this time. In came another text from "you."
She'll call you back, dude.
Dean's jaw ticked with annoyance. And despite himself, unease began to creep in and churn his stomach.
What the fuck is this?
She's in the shower. I'll tell her to call you back, no worries.
All right. WHO is this?
Ooh, are you the boyfriend? Yikes lol.
A deep, slow breath made it through Dean's nose. He closed his eyes, counted to ten, reminded himself that he did, in fact, love you.
Then he responded.
Babe, if you don't call me in the next 30 seconds, there's gonna be hell to pay when I get home.
Dean checked his watch and actually counted. About ten seconds passed before his phone rang with an incoming call...from you. He answered.
"Promise?" came your teasing voice. When it ended on a giggle, Dean rolled his eyes and rested his head back on the seat. He blew out a frustrated breath.
"Oh, trust and believe. You're gonna fuckin' get it this time," he said, though his lips curved on a reluctant smirk. You full on laughed at him then.
"You make it too easy," you replied.
He knew this. It wasn't the first time you'd teased him, and he knew it wouldn't be the last.
Still, he couldn't help being a bit irritated this time.
"You know, how would you like it if I did that to you?" he asked. "Wouldn't be so fucking funny then, would it?"
"...Okay. You're right. I'm sorry, baby," came your more contrite voice. But he could still hear your smile. Could imagine the way you might soothe a hand along his arm, if you were here.
"How about I make it up to you?" you offered.
That worked a slow smirk onto his face. "Yeah? What did you have in mind?"
For the next few minutes, you purred into his ear about all the things you'd been thinking of while he was gone. Daydreaming about the talents of his hands, lips, and tongue.
In particular, you reminded him about a certain birthday wish that he still hadn't claimed from a couple weeks ago, when he and Sam got wind of this hunt.
Two weeks really was too damn long, in your opinion. (He agreed with you.)
Now with a half-straining bulge in his jeans, Dean licked his lips and tightened his hand on the leather wheel of the car.
"All right. Sounds like a plan to me, sweetheart," he said, deceptively breezy. As if you'd just told him you planned to make tacos for dinner.
"When are you getting home?" you asked.
He heard the tone of your voice, like black silk. It sent a tendril of heat down his spine, raising the hairs on his forearms.
"Tonight," Dean said. Deeper, a note of gravel in his words. "I'll see you tonight."
"Good." Once again, he heard the smile in your voice. "I love you."
He sighed, and raised a hand to card through his hair.
"Love you too...even though you play too fucking much," he muttered the latter bit.
Your laughter once again reached his ears, reluctantly making him smile.
He hung up with you just before Sam finally opened the passenger seat door and climbed in with two hefty grocery bags. Did he do a whole damn shopping spree in there?
...Whatever. Dean shook his head and started the car.
"Change of plan," he said. "We're heading home."
"What? Thought we were gonna catch a few hours of sleep. It's a long drive, Dean," Sam said, earning his brother's gaze.
"Yeah, well, you'll live," Dean snarked. A more devious grin spread across his face. "I've got a date."
And she's about to get punished.
The Impala's tires screeched as Dean pulled out of the parking lot and onto the main road.
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AN: Ha! This one was fun. 😘 Thanks for the prompt!
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