#19 hours on this and I’m super proud of it and I would not get my moneys worth for it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

munson-mayhem · 1 year

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Loookkkkkk idk if I hate this entirely or am kinda proud but imma post it either way

Hidden feelings part 2 this was originally a one shot

Just a reference I am having them be aged up in this they are 18/19 and no nothing super nsfw happens just a smidge of spice.

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Months had passed since I was left alone at stone island by Ao’nung’s friends almost a full year actually. So many things have changed since then, we lost Neteyam to the war almost half a year ago. Ao’nung had completed his Iknimaya about four months ago and got his first tattoo his own Marui, the three beads for his songcord and a special garment that ended up being chest harness that was similar to his fathers but still uniquely his. I had bonded with a Tulkun about two months ago which makes Lo’ak and I one step closer to completing our Iknimaya. Kiri and Spider have gotten closer if that’s even possible and we’ve been teaching Spider the way of the Metkayina and he’s learning very well. Tuk has made friends with almost every child in the village. Ronal our Tsahik had her baby a little sister Tsireya was very excited to be an older sister, Watching Ao’nung and his baby sister interact made me realize. I want to start a family with him one day, not any day soon but one day. As the latest eligible male in the clan Ao’nung has had the attention of many of the females especially since he’s the next Olo’eyktan much to my dismay. Tomorrow marks the day a year ago that Ao’nung and I told each other that we cared for eachother it is also the day of my Iknimaya.

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A group made up of clan warriors escorted me to an island about an hour away from our home island where the Tsurak or skimwing’s live until we make a bond with them much like the Ikran in the floating mountains. Waiting on the island for me is Tonowari and Ronal the

Olo’eyktan and the Tsahik, only them and the warriors that brought me here are allowed to stay. Family and friends are all back on the island waiting for my return hopefully as a full member of the clan.

Tonowari greets me with a kind smile as Ronal pulls me into a hug, once Ronal releases me we turn to Tonowari and he begins to speak

“Y/N sully this is your last right of Iknimaya when you succeed you’ll be a full member of the Metkayina, you’ll be able to choose a mate and you’ll receive your first tattoo as well as the other traditional gifts. You will be one of our people.”

He gives me a reassuring smile to help with my nerves and speaks once more

“Y/N go into the water and claim your Tsurak”

With a deep breath I turn and walk into the waves.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It takes a little under an hour but I was able to claim my very on skimwing. I glide up to the shore where Ronal claps for me and Tonowari wears the grin of what I can only describe as a proud father. Everyone knows Ao’nung and I care for one another and intend to choose each other as Mates, his parents are extremely supportive of us too. When I dismount and walk to them I’m pulled into a tight hug by both and even once Tonowari releases me Ronal holds tight and whispers in my ear.

“ you will make a wonderful Tsahik one day my dear, Ao’nung is luck to have you welcome to the family.”

I return her hug even tighter now with a large smile gracing my face.

When we release each other everyone gets on to their respective Tsurak and we begin our journey back to our home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the island comes into view we can see a large bonfire on the beach the entire clan ready to celebrate on our return which shocks me just a little and I give Tonowari a questioning look.

“ the entire clan was confident you would succeed today “ he says as we reach the shore as we all dismount and walk towards the group I see Ao’nung on the beach and I want nothing more than to run to him but I know I must be introduce by our leader.

“ Metkayina people welcome our newest clan member Y/N” he said in a loud voice cheers and sounds of approval filled the beach

He glances at me and whispers under his breath “ go to him” all while a proud smile graces his face.

Once I have my all clear I sprint to Ao’nung and launch into his arms my legs wrapping around his waist we both laugh as he holds me up by my legs. I can feel his large hands gripping at my thighs just like that day a year ago. I rest my forehead on his and we smile. I sigh and in the lightest breath whisper

“I see you and I love you “

His grip on my thighs tighten and a small gasp escapes me only loud enough for him to hear.

“ and I see you Y/N, my Mate. I love you.” He whispers back.

He releases my legs reluctantly setting me back to the ground and nods towards my approaching family. We greet them together hand in hand. The evening is spent laughing and celebrating, I of course tease Lo,ak just a little seeing as everyone originally thought he’d be the first of us to complete Iknimaya. Throughout the evening many people greet me and welcome me as a full member to the clan through it all Ao’nung never leaves my side until his and my parents walk up to us he leans down to whisper in my ear.

“ I’ll be right back I have to grab something for you I’ll meet you at your new Marui my mate.”

He releases my hand as our mothers reach us and disappears into the crowd.

Ronal and my mother embrace me into a hug, my mom has a few stray tears on her face so I wipe them off and smile at her.

Ronal and my mother both present me with a songcord bead.

The bead from Ronal is a small spiraled shell

“To represent you being one of the Metkayina now” she says.

My mother steps forward to present the next bead it’s a wooden bead that has red paint on the outside.

“I made it out of a piece of my fathers bow it was made from the wood of our home tree from before the war, it’s to represent the Omatikaya where you were born. My mother explains.

Ronal speaks once more.

“You may receive your first tattoo tomorrow for now go find your Marui Ao’nung is there with your piece of clothing and your last bead.”

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It only took about 10 minutes to find the newest Marui. When I walk in Ao’nung greats me with shy smile and holds out his hands in them is a beautifully crafted top that looks quite similar to the one his mother wore the day we first met. The main difference between the two garments is that Ronal’s is made of brown/ orange leather and orange and yellow beads with a few larger blue pieces at the very edges, but this one was made of black leather with beads as blue as the sea and ones that match the shade of metkayina skin but the part that brings it all together and makes it uniquely me are the green beads scattered throughout the piece. Sitting just on top of the garment is a shell with a single pearl in it.

I move forward and hug Ao’nung so quickly he has to try not to drop the gifts.

“I love them Ao’nung so much, I’m just not sure the top will fit me.” I mutter just loud enough for him to hear

He tilts his head to the side.

“Why wouldn’t it I made it myself ?” He asks

My face turns hot and goes a slightly darker blue color on my cheeks ears and chest “because my chest is bigger” I barely whisper.

Taking a breath I continue.

“I know you’ve noticed. My chess is bigger than regular Na’vi because of the human genes from my father.”

He chuckles and smirks.

“I know they are larger I’ve always liked it . It’s Like when a Na’vi woman is about to have a babe but yours are always like that…… imagine what they’ll be like when we do have a babe.” He says still with a devious look on his face.

I can’t stop the heat from consuming my face entirely it’s warm to the touch. He’s still wearing a lazy smirk and chuckling lightly until I start to talk.

“Can you untie this top the tie is on my neck, I want to wear the one you got me.” Now it’s my turn to smirk as he blushes. Nodding slowly he steps around me and caresses my neck and shoulders softly making me momentarily stop breathing. After only a moment of hesitation I feel the string being pulled and my current top falls to the ground with a thud. I can hear Ao’nung swallow hard, his fingers still running along my neck. Pulling away for only a moment to grab the new top he returns and lays it lightly over my chest. As he does this one of his long fingers brushes the side of my breast, I suck in a quick breath and he holds his.

“Ao’nung….” I whisper his name almost pleadingly.

“Don’t ….. I promised your brother we wouldn’t do anything.” he growls his fingers still barely touching me.

“Eywa give me strength…..” he mutters.

Leaning forward he begins placing light kisses on my neck making me even more breathless the hand resting just above my breast lowers slowly and it fills his whole hand. When he begins to kneed my breast I moan and that makes him growl into my neck. As he kisses where my neck meets my shoulder I shudder and he bites at it making me cry out as soon as I do I feel him groan into the place he just bit his breathing just as shallow as mine. With one hand playing with my boob he reaches around with the other arm and wraps his large hand around my waist pulling me back into him fully. His hands feel so large and strong on my body gripping and pulling at me, He is mine and I am his. We are destined by eywa to be together.

Ao’nung pulls away and turns me around but before I can say anything.

“Jump.” He whispers in my ear.

I don’t hesitate and jump into his arms one large hand gripping my thigh roughly the other grabs my chin and pulls me into a wild kiss, the top he made now forgotten on the floor. We’re barely breathing as we kiss each other he pulls me even closer and in that moment we both feel my nipples rub against his chest he growls as I moan, My one hand is gripping his shoulder the other finds it’s way to his hair and grips it tightly he gasps at this. When he does we both pull away panting. Walking over to a desk of sorts he leans on it almost sitting and with the way he’s holding me I’m now practically straddling his waist my boobs level with his face. With a wicked smile before I can process what he’s about to do he takes one of my nipples into his mouth tongue swirling around it, I’m whimpering and mewling but it’s not until he give my nipple a bite that I loudly moan his name for the first time. At hearing his name roll off my lips like that he freezes completely hands gripping my waist so hard that if I were human they would be broken. I hear a small pop as he releases my nipple from his mouth a small string of saliva following.

“I will not dishonor you and our future mate bond by not having us mate before the spirit tree as tradition says.” He says grinding his teeth slightly trying to reign in his desires. “I.WILL.HAVE.YOU.MATE……” he says each word slowly “but not this night” he finishes speaking setting me down onto the ground. Standing up he goes to retrieve the new top and walks to me, I smile at him and turn around. Placing the top on me he ties it and I turn towards him still grinning like a fool.

“It’s beautiful Ao’nung. I love it and I love you, I can’t wait to start our life together.” I say as I pull him into a hug.

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Five years later

“Neteya “ I shout “go meet with your uncle Lo’ak and Aunt Tsireya I’ll meet you all at the beach” I say trying to stand but my growing belly makes it harder. My four year old daughter already running out of our marui and toward her uncles. Sneaking up behind me my mate comes in and helps me stand caressing my belly. When I’m finally up and standing Ao’nung kneels in front of me so that he’s level with my growing baby bump. “ be nice to your mother today little warrior it’s an important day after all your cousin is being welcomed into the clan.” He says and then kisses my belly when he rises he kisses me too and we go meet our family and clan on the beach. We preform the duty’s as Olo’eyktan and Tsahik since Tonowari and Ronal stepped down last year . It was our first time leading a communion with eywa to welcome a new baby into the clan.

Good thing Lo’ak and Tsireya were family.

#aonung #aonung x reader #avatar #avatar: way of the water #neteyam #avatar movie #avatar x reader #lo’ak #pandora #sully family #ao’nung x reader #jake sully #tsireya #ao’nung #neytiri #metkayina #omatikaya

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ftrcountry · 2 years

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Jack Gibson - And Baby Makes Three

So I just started watching Station 19 and Jack is my favorite!! I’m on season 2 episode 5 right now. Most of my works are family related so this is no different. I’m also taking requests as well :) My master list is pinned to my page so go check it out if you want. But yeah, i write cute family fics most of the time as that is what I enjoy.

Jack Gibson x Reader Warnings: birth, pregnancy, swearing

“If baby doesn’t make an appearance by Friday, we can talk about induction.” Dr. Addison Montgomery exclaimed with a smile. You looked at Jack with a nervous smile. You were currently a week over due with baby boy and you were starting to get uncomfortable. Addison then grabbed her things and said her goodbyes before leaving the examination room. Jack helped you sit up. You sighed, rubbing your hand over your belly. This was your and Jack’s first child and you were more than anxious to give birth. “You okay?” Jack questioned, looking at you with concern as he rubbed your back. “We’re about to become parents. An- And I'm about to give birth soon.” You started to fidget with your hands. Jack walked from around the table to in front of you, standing in between your legs as you sat on the edge of the examination table. He pushed a piece of your hair behind your ear and grabbed your hand. “You are going to be amazing. And I’ll be right by your side holding your hand and supporting you through it. There is nothing to worry about.” He cupped your face in his hand and pressed his lips to yours, sending all your worries away. ----- Friday came and went so the induction was set for Monday morning. You were currently in bed binge watching one of your favorite tv shows when you heard Jack walk in. You sat up the best you could with your protruding belly. You may be nervous but you were so ready to be done with pregnancy. It wasn’t delightful as some made it out to be. You heard Jack’s footsteps stomping up the stairs and a few minutes later he appeared in the door way. He looked exhausted. “I’m so glad to see you.” Jack sighed, dropping his things at the door before walking over towards the bed. “Are you okay?” You asked as he began to take off his clothes before crawling into bed with you. He didn’t answer. He just pulled you close, resting his hands on your belly. “I love you and our son so much.” He whispered, kissing the top of your head. -- Monday quickly arrived and the two of you headed to the hospital. You received a lot of text messages from the crew wishing you good luck and a smooth delivery. A couple hours after getting induced, the contractions were starting to pick up and become stronger. Jack was super supportive and was by your side constantly. “FUCK THIS HURTS.” You gripped onto the handle bar on the side of the hospital bed. Jack was sitting next to you in a chair, holding onto your hand and rubbing your back. Jack hated to see you in pain and he felt hopeless, knowing he couldn’t do anything to ease your pain. --- Sixteen hours after a brutal labor, baby boy Gibson was born weighing in at seven pounds even. After getting him cleaned up, a nurse walked over and passed over the sweet bundle of joy. Jack was sitting on the side of the bed with you, his arm wrapped around you as both of you looked down at the little baby boy who looked just like Jack. “He’s perfect.” You whispered, a tear rolling down your face. Jack kissed the top of your head. “You did amazing. I’m so proud of you.” ---- A couple of hours later after you and Jack got to spend time with your son, it was time for him to meet the Station 19 family. You passed the baby over to Jack as everyone walked into the room. “Congratulations!” Andy, Vic and Maya came over and gave you hugs. Travis, Dean and Warren patted Jack on the back. “Everyone, we would like for you to meet Logan Dean Gibson.” Jack introduced the newest member. Everyone awed after realizing he was named after Miller. Miller teared up just thinking about it. “Are you serious? I’m honored.” Miller was in complete shock. Jack smiled over at you before asking Miller if he wanted to hold his godson. You were exhausted but it was so worth it. Seeing Jack with his son and showing him off to everyone made your heart swell. You couldn’t wait to get home and actually be a family of three.

#station 19 #jack gibson #Jack Gibson x reader #andy herrera #Maya Bishop #Vic Hughes #Dean Miller #Travis Montgomery #ben warren

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maliceandvice · 9 months

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Hey there... Just saw you reblog a post with tags about being unhinged with grief and how you relate except the guy being talked to in the post is your cat... You doing ok? Do you need to talk at all? If not feel free to ignore this. It's just, I've lost very special pets before and that post was so extremely accurately evocative of the worst parts of grieving over a pet and I can't NOT offer to help...

Oh, it’s very sweet of you, I appreciate it, thank you. Yeah that post kind hit the nail on the head. Yes, I lost my little special guy, Sunshine, about a month ago. I haven’t really spoken about it here since I tend to keep this account separate and quieter from my more public social media, but I’ve found talking about it does help so I don’t mind sharing and talking about him.

I got him when he was about 6 and he was fiv+, so he sat in the shelter for 6 months because no one wanted an older sick cat. Also all his teeth went bad a few months after I got him because he’d been so neglected let, so he only had 3 and was the silliest, most pathetic little gummy bear. But he was perfect. My little buddy. The sweetest guy, just wanted a bff to hold him and give him head kisses. He loved new friends and would roll over for tummy rubs from everyone he met. Never bit or scratched. Loved rolling in sun puddles and licking water out of the bathtub like a little weirdo. He slept in my arms every day, went feral for sour cream, and would tuck himself under my arm to read or play Switch together.

In January 2022 he was diagnosed with large cell GI lymphoma. We did 6 months of chemo for it. Every Friday we’d brave the traffic on the LA 101 to go to the oncologist, I’d wait for hours in the vet’s parking lot for him to finish his treatment because I wasn’t allowed in with him because of COVID, and then we’d drive back together. He was a brave little champion through the entire thing; I genuinely think his bright, happy little personality helped him through it because he just didn’t know how to feel upset or bad! That first treatment worked perfectly though so it was worth it and he went into remission for about 9 months and he was great! Happiest little guy! But it came back this April and I knew we couldn’t possibly get that lucky twice. We still tried though. But yeah, he just never responded to this second round of chemo and he declined over the last few months. Even though I was braced for it for a really long time, it still went shockingly fast at the end. He was fine one week and then just faded so quickly the next and I knew we had to say goodbye.

One the one hand, I know getting 19 more months with an fiv+ cat with a terminal illness is amazing. It’s literally unheard of. It just doesn’t happen. He defied all his early prognosis, lived months and months beyond what’s typical, and didn’t start to show he was ill right until the end. So it’s near miraculous we got so much time, I’m so grateful to all the vets who looked after him, and I’m so proud of him for being so brave and strong to stay with me for so long. But on the other, we only had about 4 years together and he deserved so much more. I know he got several lifetimes worth of love in that timespan, but it still makes me upset that he didn’t get longer since he had such a hard life before I found him. We both got shortchanged.

I’m doing…pretty rough tbh. I think I’ve cried every day for over a month. I think between the pandemic and then the intense cancer treatment we basically super trauma bonded. And also he was just the perfect little guy for me, he slotted into my life so well. So it feels like all my happiness just got ripped out of my chest. The little constant and reliable source of brightness and love in my life is just gone. I know they’re all special and perfect, but he really, really was and I know I’m never going to be able to replace that kind of bond. So I’m pretty much a huge mess.

But I’m honestly probably doing about as well as I can be. I had a long time to mentally prepare and find pet grief resources, I’m very self aware, I’ve reached out for help when I’ve needed it, and I sort of just know that like…this is what it is. It’s an inevitably and it’s the saddest I’ve ever been in my life and there’s nothing that will make it feel better and I’m probably gonna be sad about him forever so you just gotta go straight through it. You just keep goin forward in small steps, even if you’re crying the entire way.

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myloveforhergoeson · 8 months

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That's All She Wrote - Chapter 19

Chapter Index

Find me on wattpad + ao3!

Show: Big Time Rush

Pairing: James Diamond x Original Female Character

Chapter 19: No Sleep Till Brooklyn ~ 11k

Jo and Camille,

You’ll never believe who took my phone the first day of tour and refuses to give it back because “I have more important things to be focused on right now.”

I KNOW HE CHANGED MY LIFE BUT SOMETIMES I HATE GUSTAVO ROCQUE. And I’d never say I hate Kelly, but I am upset she let him do that… SOS!

Thanks to my expert negotiation skills, I’m allowed one call to my Dad per week - like this is some kind of prison or something - so I’m going to do my best to write letters to both of you in order to keep you updated.

While it took a long time for Gustavo, Kelly, and I to map out this tour path, I didn’t think about what it would mean to be crammed on a handful of buses with both the band and our musical accompaniment. Our lovely producer and talent scout get to take flights and stay in five-star hotels, but I’m okay to travel by bus. I’ve only been to Minnesota, Wisconsin, and California, so I’m excited to see the country this way. First stop - Orlando! In three days!

We booked three buses, one for the musical accompaniment (technically I’m one of them I suppose, but the boys say they hate road trips with Logan, so I just snuck onto the bus he’s on to keep him company), and two for the band. Each one has three tiny bunks, some couches, a full bathroom, most of a kitchen, and plenty of cabinet space for snacks, games, and anything we could possibly need. For now, I’m writing from the couch, sitting next to a napping Logan, and Carlos is up front making friends with the driver, Henrietta. The other bus is currently transporting Kendall and James.

Speaking of, after Gustavo told us the tour was back on after the concert when I came running to you two to tell you what had happened, James practically ran straight to 2-J to pack and hasn’t spoken to me since. I thought I had done everything right but I guess maybe he wasn’t actually into me after all. Maybe just the thrill of surviving a kidnapping?

“I lived through this so now I can kiss Roxy!”

Blegh.

Though, I suppose it might be a good thing… After thinking about it while I was packing I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship right now, if that’s even something he’s interested in. Sure, I like him, but I think I still need some time to get over what Dak did to me. As much as I don’t enjoy thinking about it, they bare many similarities and that scares me a bit more than I’d like to admit.

Pop stars

Can be self-absorbed

‘Cuda extra strength hairspray

Pretty

I should probably quit while I’m ahead, but I guess I’m gonna learn my lesson if I keep playing with fire and then promptly getting burned.

All my love,

Roxy

***

Hey,

It was so humid in Orlando that it took me an extra hour to fix my hair before the show, but other than that, we had a lot of fun! I’m really proud of the show we put together and getting to perform for a new crowd all the way across the country was so surreal. There are people who know all the words to my songs, more than willing to scream them right in my face… If only that pesky boy band wasn’t in the way.

Just kidding!

Today, we’re heading to Mansfield, Massachusetts - one whole day on the bus and a show tomorrow. I’d look up some facts about the town to share but, you know, no phone or whatever. Warden Rocque hasn’t changed his mind even after the combination of pleading from the five of us…

Before the show in Orlando, I got to talk with the guys in the musical accompaniment band a bit more, they were super nice! Mick, the bass player, is pretty quiet and mostly hangs out with Gustavo and Kelly since they’re old friends, but Austin, the drummer, is our age and easy to get along with! He goes to a performance arts high school in Los Angeles called Hollywood Arts (Can you believe that’s a real thing?! A whole school just for acting, singing, and growing musical talent?!)

Austin and I have somewhat similar music taste, and his father taught him how to play the drums, just like my dad taught me how to play the guitar! We’re alike in many ways, and since 1/4 of Big Time Rush wants to ignore me right now, I think I’ll be spending more time with him…

It’s bad that I thought James might kiss me again at the show last night, right? I stood in the same spot side-stage, putting on the same lipstick and everything, but he and the band just ran past me on the way to the other side of the venue. I wonder if he told them what happened; everyone else is being normal to me.

Logan says he misses you so much, Camille! Quickly followed by a panicked statement, “Not that I don’t care about Jo, it’s just different!” Kendall joined us on the bus today, swapping out with Carlos, and said, “Tell Jo I vow to get my phone back so I can call her again,” and when I asked him why he didn’t write you letters too, he claimed that stamps were too expensive. Perhaps your boyfriend is both illiterate and broke, Jo, and for that I’m sorry.

See you soon, even if soon isn’t soon enough,

Roxy

***

Thought of you both today, and it made me so happy,

We just arrived in Agawam, Massachusetts, which is only two hours away from Mansfield, so we had a quick show turnaround for the day.

I never knew going on tour was so exhausting, it’s like I’m constantly running around the venues, checking our equipment, making sure the proper snacks are in the band’s green rooms, or seeing if the stage crew needs any help. We have two big eighteen-wheelers to carry all of our stage equipment… I can’t imagine being in charge of all that stuff - the stage manager is a saint!

This morning, Gustavo dragged us out of the bus around 6 am to get to a local radio station so the band could promote their show tonight live on the air. They even gave a pair of tickets away to a fan, it was so fun to watch and reminded me a bit of my radio days. I might call my old boss and ask her if BTR can get on Project Pop when we finish our tour in Duluth.

While the band was working out with our athletic trainer to keep in shape for the show this evening, I hung out with Austin a bit more. He was nice enough to show me his drum kit and I think I’m going to ask him to teach me how to play if we have some free time. It looks a lot more fun than the piano, plus I get to hit things. Drums are a crucial part of instrumental songwriting, and I could really use the knowledge of a seasoned drummer to help me learn.

James saw us together today when he made his way to the stage to warm up for the show, and I might be overexaggerating but I think he was a bit put off by it. I thought about talking to him about it, not that I need to ask if it's okay or justify who I hang out with, but I actually think he and Austin would get along really well if he could stand to be in the same room as me for more than 5 minutes.

I think it should be illegal to kiss someone and then promptly ignore them. What if I wanted to kiss him again? And again? And again?

Anyway, I wish mail traveled fast enough that you two could send me replies and I’d be guaranteed to get them at the next venue. It feels a bit like I’m writing to a brick wall here, but it certainly keeps me occupied during our very rare downtime. The couch on this bus has become my unspoken spot (the bunks are too narrow and small for me to feel comfortable in them) and I need to do more than just sleep here, listen to my iPod, or write/play my guitar.

Until the next letter,

Rox

***

Hello!

Too many things happened today for me to record before the show, I’m writing you two a nice list as we drive away to our next stop.

James rode the bus with Logan and me today (a two-hour ride to Saratoga Springs, New York) and the two of them ignored me almost the entire time and just played their stupid video game on the TV. All I got was a “Hey, Rox, can we use the couch?” and some semblance of a thank you when I told him yes. Ugh. Is “Hey, Rox, remember when I kissed you last week? Wasn’t that so awesome? Wanna do it again?” too much for him now? It feels like I sucked all of his fun, flirty, carefree attitude straight out of his body.

I asked Austin if he could teach me how to play the drums and he said yes, as long as I helped him write a song for a fun summer project. Apparently, a good chunk of the kids at his school are songwriters too, how neat! If they write something like a short scene of a play, a song, or a musical composition and present it in the first few weeks of school, they get extra course credit. I wish the Palm Woods school had something like that - I’d be rocking straight A’s the entire year.

It was finally time for me to call my dad today, as per Warden Rocque’s direction, and he’s doing okay. Nothing ever changes with him, so I’m pretty at ease as we travel. Kelly let me put him on the guest list for the Duluth show, and even though I know he won’t really like our music, I think he’ll admire the production. He always wanted to tour around the country, and I hope showing him some backstage magic can help satisfy the teenage rocker he used to be. Maybe it’ll be a good time for him to meet Kendall, Logan, and Carlos too!

The band was recognized in public for the first time today while we were waiting in line for coffee! I’m not sure if the girl posted the photo I happily took of her and the boys to ScuttleButter, but I hope you two can find it so you can see their dazzling, shocked smiles. They were beyond ecstatic; Carlos spilled most of his drink from how hard his hands were shaking with adrenaline. Good thing he wasn’t wearing his concert outfit or Gustavo would’ve thrown a fit.

I was hoping to sneak away and take a train to New York City since we got here so early in the morning, but that is what happened instead. We’re playing Madison Square Garden near the end of the tour, so I’ll see the city then, but I’m worried I’ll be too tired and burnt out to enjoy it.

Warm wishes,

Roxy

***

Friends,

Sorry for the lack of letters these past few days! We’ve been so busy getting from New York to Oklahoma, we haven’t stopped anywhere with a mailbox I could easily find. You know what would make it easier for me to find a post office? Having my phone.

I’ve probably complained about that enough, right?

Over the course of this particular trip, I’ve been traveling with Logan and Carlos and I’m beginning to understand why the boys claim road trips with Logan are tough. He has a pretty strict expectation for cleanliness, which Carlos and I do not adhere to at all - but in helping clean up and placing things in their bunks to help put a rest to Logan’s anxiety this afternoon, I learned he has a picture of you, Camille, tapped to the top of his bunk. It’s been pretty well hidden by the curtain he keeps drawn, but I caught a glimpse of it this afternoon. So romantic!!! I imagine Kendall has something similar of you, Jo, but I’ll have to wait until he’s back in rotation with us to double-check.

I wonder if it’s exhausting for the other three to keep moving around, or if they prefer it that way. For me, I like knowing that Bus 1 is my bus… Having to haul all my stuff from one bus to another feels like an excellent way to lose some of my things.

Do you think if James and I were together he’d have a picture of me in his bunk? The thought of him falling asleep to dreams of me… Seems impossible. And exhausting to work for. If he’s going to be all hot and cold like this, I’m not sure I’d be able to take it, but on the other hand, it’s not like I’m communicating with him either because whenever I even try to bring up anything related to us at all, I freeze up and all the thoughts exit my brain before I can get a word out. Maybe we are made for each other after all since neither of us seems to want to get a word out… The pretty idiot and his idiot songwriter… Haha….

On a separate note, after the show in Tulsa tonight, the band, our bosses, and the musical accompaniment will be headed straight to the airport to catch a flight to Del Mar, California for our next show there in four days. Due to my flight aversion, I get to stay with the buses and gear and travel on the ground to meet them there. It will be interesting to see how I fare, considering I’ve been around the band 24/7 for the last two weeks. Maybe I’ll be able to work on some music distraction-free. I have a few works in progress, both about guys I really don’t want to think about, but once this tour cycle is over there’s no doubt we’re going to begin the process all over again for album 2.

Just paused writing this to pull out my journal and write “All Over Again” down on a blank page. That sounds like a wonderful song title.

Talk again soon,

Roxy

***

Guess what?

I was right about getting in some quality songwriting time. With the near silence of the bus, besides the intermittent strumming of my guitar and terrible singing of my own lyrics to the musical background track in my head, I think I’ve finally finished Til I Forget About You, even if the title isn’t all that accurate.

In fact, the title isn’t accurate in the slightest. In these last four days, I don’t think I’ve ever thought about Dak more. There’s been lots of frustrated yelling, crying, ripping and crumpling of pages of my journal on the floor… I don’t know how Taylor Swift makes writing break-up songs look so easy. She’s been who I pray to when I get stuck on a line or can’t figure out which chord I like better.

Between Gustavo’s and my affinity for pop music, when I write from the deep recesses of my heart, I find myself bringing out my rock roots. There’s nothing better than the feeling of guitar blasting from the speakers so loud you can feel it rattling around in your rib cage, filling up your ears and leaving them ringing for days on end, and that is the feeling I’ve been coasting on these few days…

It reminds me of my dad and I think that’s why it helps me feel better. Growing up on the heels of his time in the rock scene in Texas, then discovering the punk scene in Minnesota, he was always using his free time to replicate the sounds he’d hear at shows to play for me on his days off. He would tell me all the time that I was such a smiley, giggly kid, as long as his guitar was out - so the minute I was old enough to hold one in my hands he bought me one and taught me to play.

When I was finally old enough to go to shows with him, I always loved the contrast between our looks - my mainstream, bright-colored clothing straight out of TeenVogue and his old, beat-up black band t-shirts blending in with the dark ink on his forearms and even darker jeans and Doc Martins. Was a crowded basement in a random suburb miles away from our house, filled with drunk 20 to 30-somethings and a lineup of 7 different bands in one night really the safest place for a 13-year-old girl? Certainly not, but he always kept me safe and gave me a space to foster my own music taste just like he was afforded as a teenager.

Phew. That was a long-winded way of saying that I’m finally starting to find myself getting over the pain Dak caused me through my music, and I’m really lucky Big Time Rush has given me the space to explore this. Not that Til I Forget About You is an incredible, unmatched rock song - it is still very much a pop song, which I love just as much - but it is, for all intents and purposes, mine.

I miss both of you so much, and I cannot wait to see you again.

Roxy

***

Greetings,

One thing always seems to lead to another. In Del Mar, we finally had an actual, honest-to-God day of rest yesterday and the band asked if I wanted to go to the beach with them. Of course, I agreed, because it felt close to chilling by the Palm Woods pool, but once we got there I quickly learned that the trip everyone took without me brought Austin and the boys closer together. Which is fine, that’s what I wanted in the first place, but now, it feels like I’ve lost my touring buddy.

They spent the entire day surfing (where did these boys learn how to surf?), playing volleyball, and trying to pick up dates, and basically left me to my own devices to watch our stuff. I even wore my best bikini top (purple!) in hopes maybe, just maybe, it would bother James a bit, but I’m not sure he even noticed as he kept trying to play wingman for Carlos and Austin all day. I guess he decided no one on the beach was interesting enough to try and pick up.

Something I did notice, not that it matters at all, but Austin had a bit of trouble in the sun all day. Logan said that he was displaying symptoms of hypoglycemia, and he and I had to help Austin back to our stuff at one point after he nearly toppled over from how shaky his legs were. Eventually, we were able to get a few sodas in him, and he claimed to be right as rain, but it was pretty scary. I know it’s not right of me to ask him what I can do to help if he ever needed it because if he wanted me to share, he would have told me, but it was a bit hard not to take note of the small, off-white pod attached to his deep almond abdomen when he took his shirt off.

Typically, I’d just look it up in private to confirm my own thoughts, but I don’t get my phone for another few days. For now, though, or until he’s comfortable talking about it, I stopped into a corner store on the way back to our buses to grab some snacks that I think would help if his blood sugar were to drop unexpectedly again. Now I just pray nothing punctures the small juice boxes I put in a plastic bag or the hard fruit candies don’t spill out and stick to anything.

And on top of all of that, despite applying copious amounts of sunscreen, I managed to burn my legs. Goodbye shorts and skirts, hello pants I was saving for the colder climates. I tried to take a page out of Hayley Williams’ style book and go for shorts and fitted tees or crop tops as my go-to stage look - adding in jewelry, belts, tights, whatever to switch up my looks day to day, but now I guess I’ll be looking more like Gwen Stefani circa 1995 with my small shirts and big pants.

The show went off without a hitch and we’re off to Central Point, Oregon now, and hopefully once things get back to normal I can get my tour buddy back.

Rox

***

Girls!!!!

I know you’re both from the east coast, and I am obviously so Midwest, but there is just something about the crisp, Oregon air that makes me long for a different hometown. If I grew up here, beautiful Central Point, I think (in addition to being a major league hippie) I might have led a very different life. It’s strange to think about, and I’m incredibly grateful for my current life, but can you imagine if I was the owner of a quaint crystal shop on the edge of the evergreen forests of this state, or if I hand knit sweaters, tye-dying them all crazy, fun colors to sell to tourists. One pretty prominent radio station, Talk Radio Network, is based here, so maybe I’d still be Rockin’ Roxy out here too…

It’s a quiet town, however, not like Duluth or Los Angeles, and it’s pretty far from Portland. My dad always told me he wanted to visit there - apparently, they have a thriving music community in that town.

That’s all I have in the way of updates. After tonight’s show, we’re on our way back to California to the town of Turlock. Kelly, Gustavo, and I could have been a bit more coordinated when booking shows, but we were desperate enough to take whatever we could get, even if it meant extra travel time.

Extra travel time, however, means I have more time to think about the dumpster fire that is my love life as I am now trapped in a bus with James once again. Maybe he and Logan will play that stupid game again and leave me alone as I write.

Speaking of, here’s a few lines I’m working on. What do you think?

I see you walking, but all you do is pass me by,

Can’t even talk, ‘cause words don’t come into my mind,

I’d make a move if I had the guts to,

But I’m paralyzed

Best,

Roxy

***

Good morning, or evening, or whatever the appropriate time may be,

I’m so sorry I skipped out on letters these past few days, our show turnaround time has been insane, and I’ve been doing my best to keep up with my assistant-ly duties to the best of my ability - meaning I’ve had no time to myself in the last four days. Since I last wrote, we’ve been to Turlock, California, Costa Mesa, California, Kansas City, Missouri, and are presently pulling away from Harrington, Delaware.

A list of things of note for you:

In Turlock, Carlos ran over to me during the show and asked me if I wanted to sing. I said absolutely not and he ran off again. Then in Costa Mesa, he ran up to me during City is Ours and asked me to shout “There they are!” into his microphone after the “We pull up, open the door, all the girls scream-” line, while the rest of the band held theirs out to the crowd. They’re really taking this show and making it theirs, and it’s lovely to see. As I write this, Carlos just informed me I’ll be doing that every night with that big, goofy grin of his that makes it impossible for me to even think about saying no.

We did a radio show in each city, and the questions these interviewers come up with in order to be different from one another are just insane. Though, one of the hosts did ask them if they had anyone special waiting for them back home - it gave Logan a chance to stutter his way around the question (Camille… Make it official with him already!) and Kendall the opportunity to monologue about Jo for, like, five minutes. I would’ve recorded it had I had a device on hand capable of doing so (yeah I’m not done complaining). By the time he was done, the interview had nearly ended, so Carlos squeaked out “I have four special people!” and I think he meant the Jennifers and Stephanie (Is Stephanie back yet?). James (blegh!) said “Anyone willing to wait on me is special,” like the true teen idol he is. Any girl willing to wait on him… I pity her.

My drum lessons started in Kansas City after the band managed to rope Austin into a game of pickup while the buses were unloading. Who puts a basketball hoop outside of a music venue and expects anyone to get anything done? Regardless, it was a lot of fun and Austin is a pretty attentive teacher - far better than grouchy Gustavo when he was going over piano basics. There’s a lot I can learn from him! We also started writing his song, a fun, simple summer song about the beach and girls and whatnot… I’m excited to see this project through with him.

Gustavo and Kelly wrote a note on the daily itinerary sheets they give the band and I that we’re currently headed to Denver, Colorado, where we’ll have two days off from performing to do interviews, radio shows, news slots, the whole nine yards. Apparently, news outlets come to us, not the other way around, and they’re very excited to talk to America’s next top boy band. We’ll be doing a few live acoustic performances as well, meaning the guys and I, on camera, filmed for the whole world to see. Let’s hope I don’t mess up.

Miss you endlessly!

Roxy

***

Greetings from the Mile High City,

The press day, the boys claimed, was “hella exciting” and “beyond epic”... I’d describe it more like “waking nightmare” if anyone bothered to ask me. All they had to do was sit there, look pretty, answer some questions or play silly games, and sing. I, on the other hand, was lost in an endless pile of media release forms for every news outlet to approve, combing through the Gustavo pre-approved questions the interviewers were going to ask the boys, keeping their refreshments well stocked so they never ran out of water and choked on a dry throat when they went to answer questions… My work is never-ending!

Definitely one of the worst days on this tour for me, though, I wouldn’t choose it over having to go back and rewrite Til I Forget About You. Speaking of, in my previous letter I forgot to mention a particularly important line that I keep repeating to myself whenever I find my thoughts unpleasantly flickering to Dak… Or at this point, to James.

I found a place where I can lose myself,

And just leave your memory on the shelf,

See? I’m fine, no, I don’t need nobody else.

The punctuation is subject to change, but for now, I’m quite certain I don’t need anyone else in my life. I’m fine just being Roxy for a while… Even if my thoughts often turn into Roxy and James.

Not to toot my own horn, but the song is very good, and I can’t wait to record it once we get back from tour. I think that’ll be a good point to mark my “getting over it” progress.

Something I forgot to mention about these interviews, that I now realize as we pull away from the Denver venue and off to Eureka, Missouri, is I’m actually learning so much about the band by sitting and listening in. They almost never talk about their lives before Hollywood, because the four of them have (as I learned today) known each other since they were four years old. From first meeting at a Pee-Wee hockey league game all the way to playing varsity hockey at MAHS, they’ve been with each other almost their entire lives. Most of the interviewers ask really good, clear questions, that lead the boys down a path that gets them talking and reminiscing on themselves - something they rarely speak about when the others are around. Today (among other things) I also learned Carlos is fluent in Spanish, Logan was really into ventriloquy in middle school, Kendall is allergic to kiwi, and James is the heir to the Brooke Diamond Cosmetics company.

I should have put two and two together on the last one, he’s insanely beautiful and the last name “Diamond” isn’t exactly very common, but remembering what he’s told me about his mom and now knowing she’s Brooke Diamond?? The Este Lauder of the Midwest?? accounts for a lot of his behavior.

A few years ago, there was a big scandal that hit the front page of all the Duluth papers, news stations, radio waves, etc., claiming that BDC’s top model, and Brooke’s husband, Blake Diamond, was caught having an affair with a woman half his wife’s age. On top of that being insanely disgusting, it was in the news for weeks, announcing the Diamond divorce, explaining the court hearings and who got what, all leading up to Blake and his girlfriend eloping to Vegas and getting married the minute he and Brooke were officially split.

What does that do to a budding teenager? Chew them up and spit them out a completely new person. No wonder James never talks about his parents, or his home(s). The only time I learned something about his family was after the dance when he told me his mom made him break up with his boyfriend and when we were back in Minnesota he vaguely told me his parents were separated.

God, I cannot imagine what that must have/still feels like for him. Knowing that he had Kendall, Logan, and Carlos to help him through it makes me feel better, though.

I think, among other reasons, that might have been why he helped get us back to Hollywood a few days before the big concert. Either returning home to his successful mother as a failure or returning home to stay with a cheater and his new wife…

Phew. That was a long one. Every time I send one of these I can feel the two of you mentally cursing me for my wishy-washy gushy James feelings - trust me, it’s just as exhausting for me to think I’m fine alone one day, then want him so badly the next. Please bear with me while I figure this all out.

Wish you were here,

Roxy

***

Eureka!

Somewhere in the middle of Kansas, Kendall woke me up from my lazy couch nap to tell me he wants to learn how to play the guitar.

“That’s great,” I said. “I’d love to teach you, but all my guitars are strung left-handed.”

Bless his heart, he cocked his head and asked, “Why does that matter?”

“Well. I’m left-handed. You’re not. It’s a completely different learning process.”

“Do you know how many hockey players play left-handed, even though they’re right-hand dominant?”

Of course, I don’t. But, in the small second I had to think about it, I realized that there are plenty of famous guitar players that do that too… kind of. Many left-handed guitar players just learn right-handed because left-hand guitar equipment isn’t produced near as much or to the same quality and standards as right-handed equipment!

Thankfully, my dad is left-handed too, so he knew where to get the proper things in order for me to play when I was little, but it was I who took it upon myself to learn how to restring a guitar to fit my own needs. When I was 12, there was this beautiful oak wood acoustic in the local music shop, but it was strung right-handed. The owner didn’t know how to restring it (claiming no one had ever asked him to before, but I just think he was lazy), so I convinced my dad to buy it, a pack of new strings, and a tool kit, and I took it apart, then put everything back everything completely opposite - worked like a charm, until I sold it a few years later to get my electric acoustic.

In all, I’m excited to teach Kendall but I’ll have to find the time in between my assistant duties and my own drum lessons. The request was a bit out of the blue, however, and I wanted to ask him why, but he was too busy buzzing to Logan about it after I told him yes. Maybe he’s trying to learn a skill that will set him apart from the other band members.

After tonight’s show, we’ve got another one tomorrow before another press day, then a stretch of three more shows back to back. It’ll be tiring, but at least we’re having fun. Playing shows is rewarding beyond measure, and hard for me to put into words, but the connection the band has to their audience is unmatched. The way they can make thousands of people get up and dance, sing, let loose… It’s a beautiful sight - one I’m so lucky to be able to witness almost every night.

Maybe you can find some clips on SnoobTube,

Roxy

***

Girls, I’m running out of clever greetings,

I AM SO TIRED.

Columbus, Ohio, along with being a boring city in the world, also happened to be the same place our press day was taking place - meaning we were there for two days too long. Then, we had our three-day tour stint.

On day one, one of our eighteen-wheelers containing half of the stage set up was late. So, guess who, on top of making sure the boys were situated in their green rooms and had everything they requested, had to assist with tech setup I knew nothing about, got to run the soundcheck almost completely alone, and explain to Gustavo the boys had to go on a few minutes later than anticipated :)

On day two, I learned more about the boys. Maybe I’m being dumb and petty, but I think it’s a bit strange that much of my knowledge of them is now coming from these interviews - they’re sharing important things, that I think as their friend I should have the right to have known about beforehand. They know I’ve been struggling to get good at the piano for months now and guess who I learned has been playing all his life? James. Would it have killed him to maybe offer a helping hand? In addition, I found out Logan’s favorite food is toast. Just… plain toasted bread and butter… Kendall’s dream pet, apparently, is a goat because he misses the one we rented at the School of Rocque so much and Carlos doesn’t think Antarctica is real. I wish I could’ve stopped him before he said that during a live interview, but you win some, and you lose some. I was too busy handling all the paperwork and helping the next news outlet set up to get the interviews done as quickly as possible to get in his way.

On day three, we made it to Clearfield, Pennsylvania, a cute town that runs along a beautiful river I discovered on a walk in the morning. Sometimes being cooped up in a bus all night gets old, so when the boys work out in the morning, I wander as far as I think I can before Gustavo and Kelly realize I’m missing. The show that night was great, but Kendall ripped his pants jumping off one of my amps, and everyone in the first few rows got to see his underwear. I’m not sure he’ll be living that one down for a while.

On day four, we rolled into West Allis, Wisconsin around 6 am, where we were promptly escorted off the bus and into a local radio station, who called Gustavo the previous evening and practically begged for a Big Time Rush live acoustic performance. So, Mick and Austin got to sleep in, while I grabbed my acoustic guitar and drowsily followed the boys into the studio, languishing in the familiar smell of Lake Michigan - So close to Lake Superior back in Duluth! We performed three songs, Big Time Rush, Stuck (of course…), and Any Kind of Guy acoustic. Honestly, my stage skills are getting better with each performance, and I think it’s because the guys make me feel so relaxed when we play together. Whenever I performed with Brand New Day, I was always trying too hard to impress Dani, and more importantly, Mag, so playing always took a ton of effort. But with Big Time Rush, I feel so at ease, and I’m able to let loose and have fun. The only thing that caught me off guard today was James derailing the interview before Stuck to dedicate it to “Any girl who feels like they’re invisible… Don’t worry, I see you.”

Dedicating a song you didn’t even write to a person it’s not even about? Barf. Those words keep rattling around in my brain and I wish I could kick them straight out, but I’ve been dwelling on them for days.

On day five, we took a ferry (!!) to Midland, Michigan, while our eighteen-wheelers had to take the long way around, through Illinois and Indiana. Since our stage equipment didn’t arrive until the later part of the day, I pulled out two of my guitars stored away in Bus 1 in order to give Kendall his first lesson at the venue. Since Carlos bunked with Logan and me the night before, the boys decided to switch buses for a few hours, which meant I had to deal with an insane amount of James' side eye as he went about making his breakfast in the small kitchen.

If he’s got a problem with me hanging around my friends, he’s no better than Dak and I’m certainly not going through that again. He kisses me a few times and now thinks he has some weird possessive thing over me? Absolutely not. I’m just so done with him, I don’t understand how just a month and a half ago we shared a journey that literally altered the course of our lives, and now, here he is, acting as though it meant nothing to him.

Maybe I need to get out of the celebrity dating pool - if this tour has taught me anything it certainly is the fact that all my friends are famous and I am not.

Yeah. What a downer of a letter this turned into,

Roxy

***

Send lots of caffeine and my giant stuffy puppy to Fairlea, West Virginia, please!

I’m too exhausted to write out a better greeting, so this letter begins with the truth. There were many times over the last three days I sat down to write this, but every day I ended up falling asleep in the middle. Last night, Logan had to physically remove the pen from my hand while I slept as I was apparently in danger of poking my eye out.

In three days we’ve been to Hamburg, New York, Indianapolis, Indiana, and Peru, Illinois. Another day without seeing the Big Apple, another day in a big city that makes me miss Los Angeles, and another day in a city where if the name and state weren’t written down on our call sheets I might be so tiredly deluded I think we’re in a different country.

Kendall, Logan, Carlos, and James are natural-born performers. I, on the other hand, am starting to believe that I may not be cut from a similar cloth. Something inside of them keeps them on the go, go, go, and I would love to know just what it is that makes them tick. The only thing keeping me motivated right now is getting to hear the crowd sing along to my songs every single night. It sounds a bit cheesy to write out, but it’s true! To know all of our hard work writing, recording, and rehearsing, is paying off and reaching corners of the U.S. we didn’t even know existed! And that people are buying our album… So I’ll have a nice cushion of a retirement plan when I’m older…

That, and my lessons of course! Austin has been so cool about helping me learn the drums, and I think I’m getting pretty good even though I’ve only had a few moments of practice. That, and we even had enough time to work on our song more, which is surprisingly almost complete… That boy can write! My goal is to write a drum section for one of my songs all by myself. Normally, Gustavo is able to take my lyrics and guitar melodies and write in drums, bass, piano, or whatever else we think is necessary to execute our grand vision, so for once, I’d like to fill in a new instrument and save him some time which would probably also equate to saving him some time yelling at our other band members.

Guitar lessons with Kendall have been going well too, though I’m not sure he’s very fond of me as a teacher. I’ve struggled to put together little exercises for him to practice because I barely remember learning guitar myself. Maybe I can talk to my dad about it on our next call.

Oh! And Carlos and I invented a game today!

We call it Honk Bonk, and you play it exactly how it sounds. Any time a car in traffic honks, you bonk the closest person on the head with something near you. My weapon of choice, of course, is my journal, and the boys are already used to bonking from that, though someone did honk during Kendall’s lesson today… I was tempted but alas, he needs to stay pretty so he can date my best friend. And sell more albums.

I hope you’re both well, I can’t wait to get back home to see you,

Roxy

***

Panicking! I spent all of today panicking!

This morning, Logan and Kendall shook me awake around 3 am to tell me that it was James’ birthday. TODAY.

I had a few thoughts on this. 1. Why didn’t any of the band mention this until we were three hours into the day? 2. Where the hell am I supposed to get party supplies on a moving bus rolling into Fairlea, West Virginia? 3. How am I going to survive an entire day centered around the guy I’m doing my very best not to think about? 4. Is James mature enough to be the first of us to turn seventeen?

Thank God James was on the other bus because if he had heard the ideas Logan, Kendall, and I had in order to surprise James the minute we stopped at the next venue…

Here was what we came up with:

If you cut up little pieces of colored paper, it kinda looks like confetti. The colored paper in question? Three of the front and back covers of books Logan had brought and finished in the first part of the tour. Kendall had to physically restrain him as I did this.

I’m a songwriter - when in a pinch, write a song. The three of us quickly devised a little spin on the traditional happy birthday song to surprise James with on stage later that blends into the traditional song everyone knows. Hopefully, an entire stadium of people singing to him is a good enough gift.

We can take old tour itineraries from the previous towns, a Sharpie, and some of the bungee chords holding our equipment down during travel to make a HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAMES banner.

The bus was stocked with enough items to make Oreo Fluff salad, thanks to the miracle that is pudding cups, but not a real cake… He seemed to enjoy it when he came to tell me we were going back to L.A. after a few hours in Duluth. I don’t have any green food coloring, however, so it was boring black and white.

A sub point - around 6 am I begged the bus driver, Henrietta, to let me use her phone and call a Fairlea local bakery and express order a cake to bring out on stage. I also managed to call the venue and ask them to pick up some cupcakes to be waiting in the green room when we arrived and put up any party supplies they had on hand.

It was exhausting, like most things on this tour I guess, but once we rolled into town everything had been squared away, our efforts were well worth it.

Did you know that when James smiles, like really smiles, he has the most adorable dimples that carve right into his cheeks?

A smile that makes me breathless. A smile that remained on his face all day as we surprised him with our homemade banner, confetti, and treats. A smile plastered on his face the entire show, especially when we surprised him with our song, cake, and the entire crowd sang him happy birthday.

When the show ended, the band freshened up and went to meet some fans out by the front of the venue, and I had to run back into the bus and record my journal entry and write this letter, as I currently am before they came back.

My journal entry contained the word “James” like 40 times.

GOD! He ignores me almost all of the tour, speaking to me only about the essentials or whatever's going on around us on our days off, I finally decide he isn’t into me and I should just chill out for a bit, and now I’m suddenly all about him again. Maybe it’s just because I’m around him literally every day… Maybe it’s because I felt a hint of (healthy! Definitely healthy!) jealousy when he looked at everyone singing to him on stage and in the crowd except for me… Ugh.

We’re on for another multi-day stretch of shows, so please forgive me for fewer letters as the days go on,

Roxy

***

Look I know I said I’d be sending fewer letters but I NEED to tell you guys this.

After arriving in Farmingville, New York, around 9ish in the morning, I was abruptly awoken to the sound of Gustavo yelling at the band about who knows what. Apparently, this pissed them off so much they came storming onto my bus, told me to get ready as fast as I could, and thirty minutes later we were sneaking out of the venue and into a taxi that drove us right into the heart of Manhattan.

We messed around the city for the ENTIRE DAY and Gustavo had no way of finding us since he had our phones. Finally, we got to be the tourists instead of the attraction, before getting back to the venue before the show started.

Once the taxi dropped us off right outside of Time Square, Logan had the brilliant idea for each of us to pick one thing we wanted to do, and do our best to complete them before the end of the day. The list is as follows:

Kendall wanted to go to the top of the Empire State Building

Logan wanted to visit the Morgan Library

Carlos wanted to see Spider-Man

James (after loudly complaining we couldn’t see something on Broadway) wanted to take a sightseeing cruise around the bay to see the Statue of Liberty

I wanted to see the musical instrument display at the MET and I convinced everyone to join me for a lunch picnic in Central Park.

Today was literally perfect, though I did feel a bit bad about leaving Austin and Mick back at the venue to run the soundcheck without me.

Besides admiring the thousands of advertisements roving around the Square, the first thing we did was hit the Morgan Library. The architecture was just breathtaking and it was amazing to see the carefully curated collection of historical documents. They even had musical manuscripts and printed forms of music from nearly one hundred years ago… I wonder how a boy band in 1909 would look… Or if my journals will be on display in 2109… Scary!

Not as scary as the top of the Empire State Building, though!

It was so cold and windy up there, even in the middle of the summer. I practically had to cling to Carlos’ arm to feel even a little bit stable, but of course, he wanted to get right up to the very edge of the building and look straight down. Kendall and Logan wanted to join him (one to spit off the edge and the other to try and calculate how far away the second tallest building in NY was) so I got passed off to James. Would it have killed him to put his arm around me and tell me it would be alright? Jesus. He just stood there, silently looking off into the distance while I clutched at his arm. Message received: He isn’t into me.

The rest of the day was fun and I wanted to write more but now I’m a bit sad after writing that. All I really want to do is go to bed now; I’ll tell you about it when we meet again, I guess.

Roxy

***

Daddy,

Tour is hard. So hard. And I feel so stupid for thinking that I was cut out for this kind of thing. Songwriters are for the studio, not the stage. I’ve spent so much time around the guys I’m starting to go crazy. You and I always talked about traveling if we had the money, and let me tell you one day per city is hardly enough to even say that I’ve been here. It’s not cross-country exploration if I haven’t explored five minutes past the closest coffee shop because I can barely keep my eyes open without caffeine.

I’m constantly tired. My back hurts from sleeping on the couch. My fingers are so sore. My eyes are dry from the incessant spotlight lighting us up for thousands of people every night. The next person to ask me for something might get their head bitten off if they don’t say “please?”

Just because I’m an assistant doesn’t mean I get to be walked all over.

The applause is nice though, hearing everyone sing along to my songs even in parts of the country I’ve never even heard of… Maybe that’s enough to get me to Duluth.

I can’t wait to see you. Sorry for the depressing letter, I’m having a hard time being away from both of my homes.

Promise you’ll listen to the setlist before you see us?

I hope I’m making you proud,

Roxanne

***

Hi.

The shows in Lima, Ohio, and Falcon Heights, Minnesota were great. Our friends are just so talented. It was hard being so close to Duluth, and I invited my dad to the show last minute, but he wasn’t able to make it.

We’re driving to Essex, Vermont now - 13 hours into a 20-hour journey.

The weather out here has been awful, it’s been thunder storming nonstop, so we haven’t been making as many stops as we usually have. Just my luck I’m stuck with Logan and James, and I’ve been writing a song all day.

It’s a song for James’ invisible girls… More accurately, a song full of words I wish he would say to me.

Am I out of mind, or just invisible?

Anyway. It’s been extra hard to write because the two of them were sitting less than three feet away from me the entire time. They’re both so nosey, consciously or not and kept looking over at me. I could tell they wanted to ask me about it, but at least they were respectful enough not to.

It’s got a really beautiful guitar melody, but I’d love to get my hands on my keyboard back home because I have a cool idea for a backing track… Never thought I’d be excited to play the piano but here I am, itching to play it thousands of miles from home.

We play Boston, Massachusetts in a few days, and the boys kept talking about wanting to hit up a pizza place in the city that they visited during one of their hockey tournaments a few years ago. At this point, I’m just trying to get through the next 7 hours. That’s when we get to the next venue, though we have to take a day off from the show tomorrow. Not only is it Carlos’ birthday, but it’s the day of Hawk and Rebecca’s trial. Sweet, sweet seventeen spent reminiscing one of the worst moments of our entire lives. Whoo whoo.

In other depressing news, after coming to the realization that I like James, but he doesn’t like me, it’s been extra hard to be around him. Mostly I just hang out with Austin and beat out my frustration on his drum kit… The last 13 hours have been like hell. Every time James smiles, it makes me want to. His laugh rings in my ears, sending a jolt straight through my heart. Whenever he gets up to walk by me, it takes everything in me not to stare as he moves about the bus.

It’s exhausting… Having a crush on someone is supposed to be fun. I’m supposed to feel like I’m walking on air, and glow, and sparkle, and shine. Instead, I feel like shit.

Truly, I guess I don’t really know him like I thought I did. What happened to the always flirty, unserious, loverboy who took me on a date our first month in Los Angeles?

I think I blew my chance with him once I met Dak, and I think I hate myself for it.

Exhausted and missing home,

Roxy

***

Happy birthday, happy trial day,

I hope you’ll be pleased to know that Hawk and Rebecca will be going away for a long time. We tried to celebrate Carlos’ birthday with cupcakes at the venue, but no one had an appetite after our Skype trial. To try and lighten the mood, I played a few songs he showed me at the beginning of the tour on my guitar, but I could tell as he absently sang along it wasn’t really helping.

Though, in other news that I shouldn’t be happy about, James spoke to me today unprompted and asked if I was okay after my testimony. Apparently, I was speaking quite shakily… Which, yeah. I was fucking kidnapped and asked to recount it in front of a room full of people I don’t know, of course, I was shaky. But at least he was thinking about me.

Maybe he needs signs or cues or reasons to act or something… Weirdo.

Anyway, we’ll bring a cake out for Carlos during the show tomorrow and have the crowd sing for him. Hopefully, he’s in better spirits tomorrow.

This was a weird letter, I know. Life’s weird recently, but thanks for reading. Miss you two.

Roxy.

***

Carlos fucking Garcia has been reading my mail. I’m convinced of it! Because tonight, when the band did the little introduction of their musical accompaniment, Carlos introduced me, walked right up to me, planted to sweetest, wettest, loudest kiss onto my cheek, and told me he loved me in front of the whole crowd.

When I told him I loved him back, we got some “awwws” (mostly “boooos” that I’m choosing to ignore) and continued the show.

Then.

When the show ended.

James grabbed my hand, dragged me off towards the back door of the venue, onto some side street alley where we couldn’t hear the crowds of people leaving the show anymore, and asked me if I wanted to make out.

A reason to act! Carlos telling thousands of people he loved me was a reason to act!

So.

We made out in a dirty, smelly alley and I think it was the best night of my entire life… Besides the five seconds I’m pretty sure a rat touched my foot.

There is hope yet,

Roxy

P.S.

When I got back to the bus I was buzzing so bad I told Logan everything. That I liked James, that we kissed, that we kissed some more, that I think about him all the time, that I’ve written one and a half songs about him already.

I’m in so deep at this point… And all Logan did was grin at me - stupid, dumb grin - and say “Finally,” before heading off to his bunk to sleep.

Camille, I hate your almost-boyfriend and I’m drawing all over his face in Sharpie tonight.

***

Oops,

Not to leave you two on a cliffhanger but the last month of tour has been so insane I haven’t even had a minute to myself to write (letters or otherwise), think, or even just take a breather in a coffee shop in the middle of nowhere.

The rockstar lifestyle is hard to get used to… Hopefully, we budget more off days for future tours or I might go crazy.

To answer the question I know is on your minds: No. Nothing else happened with me and James, though he does actually sit down and talk to me now (even if it’s mostly work-related, I’ll take it). We toured all throughout most of the other states in the country, I’d write them all here but I lost track after Boston if I’m being honest. Though I do know that at one point we were in Phoenix, Arizona and Kendall accidentally said “Hello, Las Vegas!” to the entire stadium.

MSG was insane. Best venue I’ve ever been to, the best crowd we’ve ever had, and the second-best night of my life.

As I write to you now, we’re about to play our last show in Duluth, Minnesota, before our three-day journey home. I’ve got a bunch of silly string to prank the boys with on stage during their solo sets… They won’t even know what hit them!

My dad finally got to meet the guys, though I’m not sure he liked any of them but he was kind enough - but what father would like the four boys his daughter is best friends with? I have no idea why he keeps calling James “Jay” but whatever. After the show ended I snuck him out of the venue and showed him our buses, and trucks for stage set up, and let him meet Mick and Austin as well - Austin even performed his song for my dad… His first audience member!

Safe to say, he loved Austin’s number, but how he felt about everything else, he didn’t share on his face like normal. I like to think I’m pretty good at deciphering how my father feels at this point in my life, but he kept his expressions at bay as we walked around everything we had waiting for us outside. I hope it didn’t put him off or something, considering I know that being a musician was his dream, too. What he did say was: “You shared this bus with two boys?” and “Which guitars are you using, Honey Bun? You deserve only the best.”

Dads.

I also got to meet Logan and Carlos’ families! (Minus James’... I felt really bad for him that his parents weren’t there…) Logan’s moms were so sweet - overly doting on him, fixing up his outfit, practically smothering him with health facts and tips. I think one of his moms is a realtor, while the other is a doctor, which would explain Logan’s want to be a doctor himself. If I had to guess, I’d say she’s a pediatrician. She gave off the vibe she’d be amazing with kids. It must have been so wonderful to grow up in that household :)

Since I’d already met Carlos’ dad, Mr. Garcia was kind enough to introduce me to his wife and three daughters. Genetics work in mysterious ways, blessing each of the Garcia children with the same dark hair and alluring eyes. It was hard to tell sisters Maria, Lupe, and Alena apart, but after talking to them a bit I was able to find some differences. They all followed me on ScuttleButter, so maybe we’ll talk more in the future. I loved getting to know them! Mrs. Garcia and her son also share a lot of the same mannerisms - they’re both curious, caring, and just a bit ADHD. The two of them spent most of their time together with the girls, pointing out different things about the venue, sharing stories from their time away from each other, and the coolest part was their switching back and forth from English to Spanish depending on if they wanted their conversations to be overheard or not.

At one point I think they were talking about me (and James) but I can’t be sure. Maybe if I’d taken Spanish in school instead of French my freshman year…

I wish Mrs. Knight had been there, but Kendall and James kept themselves occupied by talking sports with my dad. For a bit, Dad and Kendall talked about guitars after mentioning that I was teaching him how to play, leaving James out of the loop, so I went over and struck up a conversation with him.

Normal. That’s what we are - or more accurately what our relationship is - though, I think he looks at me a bit differently now. There’s no evidence to that last statement, I just feel his eyes on me sometimes and it makes my chest flutter. I much prefer being friends (who made out) that are able to be around each other, than whatever his weird, “ignore Roxy” game was.

The show’s in 10, so we need to start walking to the stage!

I loved writing to you two, but I can’t wait to get back to talking face-to-face. I’m in dire need of a girl’s night.

See you soon (for real this time),

Roxy <3

A little change of pace before season two! Thanks for reading :) Support for this story has been overwhelming!

Since school is starting back up, I'm going to be switching back to posting every two weeks instead of every week. <3

Season two starts September 5th, but I'll do my best to post little one-shots and such on my tumblr, so check over there every once and a while :)

#thats all she wrote fic #big time rush #btr #james diamond #james maslow #kendall knight #kendall schmidt #logan mitchell #logan henderson #carlos garcia #carlos penavega

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lovestuckyhatemarvel · 7 months

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Okay, another hour and a half long episode.

1.) Brenner missed the sad CGI and also baby El was very good at sealing the upside down.

2.) Brenner should have been a tattoo artist instead. I mean, a tattoo artist for adults, not kids. He’s got very steady hands and can tattoo numbers very exactly.

3.) THIS IS MUSIC.

4.) Honestly so far the only one who’s been a snob about music is Robin. But also I still don’t think Eddie would like Taylor Swift.

5.) Henry really wants to villain monologue at you, Nancy. Take a seat for this cliche.

6.) Damn, the CGI on those restraints is…bad.

7.) These images are going way too fast.

8.) Damn, Steve. Your arms are nice.

9.).”Written and directed by the Duffer Brothers”. I Know. That’s the Problem.

10.) What’s the point of keeping Yuri quiet at this point?

11.) Hopper, we super had a funeral for you.

12.) El is actually doing really badly.

13.) Why is anyone surprised that demogorgons can climb? Look at those fuck off legs.

14.) DID NONE OF THESE GUARDS PAY ATTENTION TO HOPPER USING FIRE?

15.) Okay the soldiers can unload their clip into a demogorgon and nothing happens but Hopper can shoot a demodog once in the head like Ol Yeller and it works.

16.) Okay but for real, where are the Russians getting all these bastards? Fun tubes, but WHERE ARE THEY FROM? Are they from Hawkins? How did they transfer that shit?

17.) HOW’D THEY GET THE CGI DUST MONSTER TO RUSSIA?

18.) Okay she can lift a thing.

19.) Will, I’m so sorry, but I did not care about your speech to Mike.

20.) I still don’t understand how Henry survived El’s attack or why the upside down didn’t turn into anything for him or what the fuck he did for like a decade floating in a void.

21.) Why is everyone whispering

22.) El got to hear at least some of the plan, at least.

23.) The War Zone is a hilarious name for a shop.

24.) Eddie, you moron. Wearing a mask doesn’t help if you’re wearing a shirt emblazoned with your club.

25.) BIG BOY.

26.) My roommate pointed out the RV would have been hooked up to water and sewage so driving it off like that would have fucked up the ground and the vehicle.

27.) I do not understand why Henry is so powerful or why him killing people would give him their powers when it doesn’t do that for El.

28.) I still don’t want Steve and Nancy together. Also I don’t think he actually said he wanted her there.

29.) that helicopter is hilarious

30.) “The KGB will be listening to this call” Oh what a change. This time it’ll be agents of someone else’s government that will be listening in.

31.) Oh, okay, Steve got the jacket from War Zone. Where’s the vest though?

32.) Ah, the boyfriend reveal.

33.) I still hate Jason Carver. Also, buckshot has a pretty good range, dipshit.

34.) Tire tracks. Ah yes, the plot happened here.

35.) IDK why El told Sam to check Max’s place. The bit she heard did not make it seem like they were staying there. And so Sam asking that woman for that was kind of stupid.

36.) What? Brenner double crossed Sam Owens? Who could have predicted this twist? Surely only the greatest psychics.

37.) I am proud of El for saying to Brenner’s face that he’s a monster.

38.) Baby girl, kill Brenner anyway.

39.) YOU KNOW WHO WOULD LOVE TO KILL BRENNER? KALI. THE GIRL NO ONE IN THIS FACILITY TALKS ABOUT.

40.) Robin and Steve are sweet.

41.) goddamn it, brenner, just remove El’s collar.

42.) I am glad Brenner got shot so many times though.

43.) Oh shit, it’s the script.

44.) oh no the psychic child is using her psychic powers to stop your from badly shooting at her? Who could have predicted this?

45.) oh my god el, do something real already.

46.) the payoff wasn’t worth it.

47.) “Yeah, it’s cool, but it would have been better if it’d happened about 11 seconds earlier.” My roommate is hilarious.

48.) Brenner turned off the collar as a last act. Okay whatever.

49.) BRENNER SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DIE ALREADY.

50.) this heartfelt conversation makes no sense and was not earned.

51.) brenner you were shot like 5 times by a sniper rifle, how are you still talking, let alone alive?

52.) SHould have run over his corpse with the pizza van

53.) god they held on that brenner shot for way too long

54.) WHO’S GONN DIE????? Just say everyone.

55.) moody shots.

56.) LMAO THIS SONG. GOD. DUFFERS, STOP SUCKING YOUR OWN CODCKS FOR FIVE SECONDS.

Oh god I looked ahead and the season 4 finale is 2 and 22 minutes long. I hate the duffers.

#stranger things #stranger things rewatch #stranger things s4e8 #s4e8 #season 4 episode 8

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ginosgarden · 1 year

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Page 19 and 20 of my The April Fool Chapbook! The poem, as always, is written out under the cut.

That's it! That was my last poem I wrote in 2018. It's so massive that I need to spread it out over two page spreads. It's a poem filled with a lot of pain as I wrote it over the course on one agonizing day. While my April that year was super hard, things really turned around for me from that point forward. Through it all, I'm grateful for where I am now.

I did another poetry challenge in 2021, so I'm thinking of transcribing those and maybe making a zine for those as well. We'll see!

There’s nothing in this world you can depend on There’s nothing in this world I can give All I can do is make order of chaos And take the blame when there’s noone to blame I can’t stop the piling on And I can’t control what I get So I do my best to do the simple work of tidying up

I’m not a miracle worker I’m no expert, no irreplaceable genius. But I value and take pride in my simple tasks, In my efforts to stave off the inevitable

I have an eye for detail but I cut corners where it counts I lie when it’s convenient though I value honesty I’m no better than the world I was given It’s naive to think so

I try and I fail and I fail and I fail But at least I can keep a neat home

I’m so scared I can’t start from square one. I can’t afford to But that’s where I might end up And I’ll take the blame because who else is there?

I want to do what I always do, To feel valuable and proud , To organize and categorize And make convenient and helpful But I am unable I have to wait

Me me me me me me! How fucking boring! Self centered child!

You’re a hack and You’ve always been a hack From the moment you were born You’ve been aspiring to be a poser Your entire pathetic life Is it any wonder you’ve made it nowhere? You think you’re so innocent and sweet But all you care about is how others see you. You cannot create you can only copy You’ve always, always copied. God forbid someone call you out on it You damn baby. Have you ever had an original thought in your head? You only care about the product About people being impressed But you put zero work into it And you’re so self congratulatory Like you’re some kind of goddamn picasso

You fake at it. You’ve never understood what it takes So you pretend like when You were a kid and would scribble on pages For hours playing like you were working. You know what it should look like but not what it is. What it means You get exactly what you deserve. Exactly what you put in. You halfass everything and make excuses So guess what? Enjoy your mediocre half assed life You fake, you fraud, you complete and utter loser. Who else are you going to cry to searching for pity points So you can slurp them up like your running snot From your perpetually crying face. Go ahead and cry, what’s it going to do? You want your mommy to validate you? You lie to her too to make yourself look better Yeah she’ll always be in your corner isn’t that sweet?

Brush a hand on the door Thank you for keeping me safe And please continue to do so

Where the heart is brewing

A sad clown town But the city turned and said, “But sir Pagliochi is me.”

Witchy stuff, City stuff Homesickness

How much longer do I have to be that girl? How much longer are you gonna shit on my world?

Crusty moldy Dried out turd Plopped inside of a plastic bag Don’t you think you’ve had enough fun yet!?

Enough is enough You old witch! It’s your turn now!

I was the April Fool Now I’m the May Fool

#myposts #poetry #words #mixedmedia #collage #myart #theaprilfool #chapbook

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dahbeez · 3 years

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1. "You're such a dork."

2. "Get over here, you doof."

3. "Cheeky."

4. "You're so needy."

5. "Kiss me again."

6. "You're so adorable!"

7. "Look at you... goodness, you're so cute!"

8. "I'm just so happy!"

9. "I can't stop smiling."

10. "I like that you make me laugh so much that my cheeks hurt."

11. "You are being extra sweet today."

12. "Oh, look at you!"

13. "Your eyes are so pretty."

14. "I'm really happy that you're here with me."

15. "Thank you for staying with me."

16. "I don't think I've ever loved someone this much before."

17. "I feel like I'm in the clouds when I'm with you."

18. "You're like my hero/heroine."

19. "I'm gonna tickle you if you don't come over here."

20. "My, oh my. You are such a beautiful creature."

@drink-it-write-it

21. "Go with me?" "As long as you hold my hand."

22. "Is there a reason you're blushing like that?"

23. "Have you seen my hoodie?" "Nooooo..." "You're wearing it, aren't you?"

24. "OH you're jealous!"

25. "Can we stay like this forever?"

26. "Please just kiss me already."

27. "I think you might be my soulmate."

28. "Sleep over? Please?"

29. "Are we on a date right now?"

30. "I think I'm in love with you."

31. "Are you flirting with me?" "You finally noticed?"

32. "Am I your lockscreen?" "You weren't supposed to see that."

33. "I wish we could live together already."

34. "They're so cute when they're asleep."

35. "I just wanted to let you know that I think you're beautiful."

36. "Quit touching me, your feet are cold!"

37. "Sharing is caring, now give me the hoodie!"

38. "Give me attention."

39. "You met me yesterday." "Yes, and I would die for you. Next question."

40. "She's hiding behind the sofa."

41. "Did you just hiss at me?"

@wishiwasanavenger-archive

42. "Have you kissed anyone before?"

43. "Can I kiss you?"

44. "You're not hurting me, you're not heavy. I've got you, love.”

45. "I look at them and I just... it's like when the Grinch's heart grows three sizes."

46. "I don't... I've never... been in a relationship before and I'm going to make mistakes... I just need you to tell me. I need you to talk to me."

47. "You didn't tell me your friend was cute! Now what am I going to do?"

48. "You give me a reason to be better, to do better."

49. "God, you are so fucking cute."

50. "I love you, but I need you to go away because you're really bloody distracting and I have to pass this test tomorrow."

51. "Oh no... they're cute."

52. "I can't talk to cute people, okay? I don't know how to flirt!"

53. "God, I love your face."

54. "Don't look at me, I'm a mess!" "I love it when you're a mess!"

55. "Please do your homework for me...? Just one time." ... "I said one time, y'know... you didn't have to start studying. Not that I'm not proud or anything."

56. "I'm already home."

57. "Your comfort and happiness is more important to me than some stupid dinner."

58. "Stop moving! I'm going to have to start counting all over again!"

59. "I just thought that since you weren't feeling too good, this would help."

60. "I'm not kissing you in the rain! We'll catch our death!"

61. "Would it help if I stayed?"

62. "I apologise sincerely if my beautiful/handsome face has kept you up all night."

63. "God, you're pretty."

64. "Calm down, it's just a chocolate bar!"

65. "Please, tell me you brought a toothbrush?"

66. "You take the bed, you need it more than me."

67. "You're so warm!"

68. "You're freezing, Jesus!"

69. "You always look beautiful."

70. "Your hands are so small!"

71. "Sometimes I just want to cuddle, okay? Is that so bad?"

72. "Now I know where half my wardrobe went."

73. "Here, let me just–"

74. "You're really special to me."

75. "That tickles!"

76. "We only have one room left for the night..."

77. "Naps are life, okay?"

78. "I don't think I could love you anymore than I already do."

79. "I had the weirdest dream..."

80. "I got you a trophy, it's only plastic, but it's for being the best human I know."

81. "Someone keeps leaving love notes in my locker and I don't know if I should find it endearing or creepy..."

82. "I love your voice."

83. "Put me down! I can walk!"

84. "Can... can you come over?"

85. "You're the best."

86. "Can you please stop biting your lip, it's distracting."

87. "I thought you liked love songs!"

88. "I know you're not a fan of Valentine's day... I just thought that maybe I could change your mind..."

89. "You're my favourite know-it-all."

90. "That was the least romantic proposal in the entire history of proposals."

91. "I never knew you were a romantic at heart."

92. "I made it. For you. I know it's not the best, but..."

93. "Let me carry that."

94. "How do you know my favourite drink?" "I'm observant."

95. "We've known each other's for years and I don't think we've ever had a proper conversation."

96. "You're the clumsiest person I know, how did you survive past childhood?"

97. "It's always time for a milkshake."

98. "You know, humming the James Bond theme tune defeats the point of sneaking."

99. "I think your cat wants to kill me."

100. "Where have all my jumpers gone?"

101. "I don't get paid enough for this shit."

102. "Oh my God, I love you."

103. "I told you to bring a jacket."

@writings-of-a-hufflepuff

104. "Is that my shirt?" "You mean our shirt?"

105. "It's you, it always has been."

106. "You're everything I could've wanted and more."

107. "Kiss me."

108. "Home stopped being a place when you entered my life."

109. "You should probably go home." "But I'm already home."

110. "You're an idiot." "But you love me."

111. "I'd do anything for you."

112. "You took all the pillows so I'm using you as one."

113. "Stop moving and let me braid your hair."

114. "I'm so proud of you."

115. "You are my family."

116. "I'm right here."

117. "Can you just please hold me?"

118. "I'm pretty sure they're my soulmate."

119. "This reminded me of you."

120. "Your hair is really soft."

121. "Are you blushing?"

122. "Can I stay here tonight?"

123. "Because I love you."

124. "Make a wish!"

125. "I love seeing you smile."

126. "You're just a softie."

127. "You are crushing me right now."

128. "Darling I love you and all, but please step out of the kitchen."

129. "Take my hand. Just trust me."

130. "You're the only thing that matters."

131. "Did you know that you talk in your sleep?"

132. "Hey, look at me. Focus on me, alright?"

133. "Why can't I get you out of my head?"

134. "Don't let go."

135. "Stay."

@blisfvll

136. "You smell really nice."

137. "If you steal the blanket, I'm going to put my cold feet on you."

138. "You're comfy."

139. "But I want to hear you sing."

140. "Don't get up – I'll do it."

141. "Care to give me a back scratch?"

142. "Your bed head is really cute."

143. "How about a kiss?"

144. "Uh oh, I know that look. What do you want?"

145. "Are you really flirting with me right now?"

146. "I like the way your hand fits in mine."

147. "You have something in your hair, umm... do you want me to get it out?"

148. "It's nice that your voice is the first thing I heard today."

149. "This movie is really scary, but you're into it so I'm trying not to cover my face the whole time but– WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?"

150. "Wait, don't pull away... not yet."

151. "Half the time I get too embarrassed to say anything."

152. "No, it's fine. I can wait until you're done talking to them."

153. "No, like... it's just, I can't believe you're actually wearing my clothes."

154. "I've been trying to get ready for like an hour and an half because I know you're going to look so good and I need to try and match up."

155. "I wanted to say 'I love you' for the first time without stuttering, but that failed."

156. "We could order pizza and just stay like this all day."

157. "It's not a double date. We're just third and fourth wheeling."

158. "I remember practicing how to ask you out in the mirror..."

@marauder-exe

159. "It's not funny!"

160. "That wasn't suppose to happen."

161. "Hurry back."

162. "I can't take you seriously."

163. "Problem solved."

164. "That was embarrassing."

165. "It's freezing in here."

@love-me-a-good-prompt

166. "I love you, baby."

167. "Hey, cutie."

168. "I promise to love you for the rest of my life."

169. "You're my world."

170. "I don't care if you're sick, catching a cold from kissing you is worth it."

171. "You are so perfect."

172. "Marry me?"

173. "You're the best part of me."

174. "Stay here with me. For the rest of our lives."

175. "I'm speechless, you're so beautiful!"

176. "Come here, I need to hug you."

177. "When everything's wrong, it's you that makes it right."

178. "You're the one."

@raggedy-dxctor

179. "Well, it's the thought that counts." "Wait, no, don't take my kisses away from me!"

180. "Oh, you've started stealing my socks now?"

181. "You owe me a kiss."

182. "How did you get in here?"

183. "That's not even fair."

184. "You promised me a cookie!"

185. "Ew, that is so sappy, I might vomit."

186. "You're not very intimidating."

187. "That was, by far, the stupidest thing you've ever done."

188. "Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer."

189. "Why the hell is there glitter everywhere?"

@whcczes

190. "I'll feel much better if you let me walk you home."

191. "Apparently, all our friends have a bet going that we end up together."

192. "You make me feel alive. For the first time ever, I feel like I can breathe."

@moanlightlust

193. "It's two in the morning and you want to cuddle?"

194. "You shine so bright it's intimidating. I love it."

195. "I'm here."

196. "What's your name again? Sorry, I just got that super weird feeling that we only see in movies, you know? Like, the whole world stopped turning and all I could see was you."

197. "I was born to be yours."

198. "Isn't it a bit too cliché?"

199. "So, you're just kissing strangers for no apparent reasons?"

200. "You'll always be my favourite person."

201. "You're making it weird, stop making it weird."

202. "There's nothing I love more than running back into your arms."

203. "I'm yours. Forever."

204. "You always know how to cheer me up."

205. "I... I lost the ring."

206. "Will you be mine?"

207. "Darling, you look perfect tonight."

208. "You saved my life."

209. "Don't give me that look. No... NO! I said no puppy dog eyes! You know I can't resist them! Argh, fine!"

210. "I missed you and your bad puns and even your horrible cooking and the way you fit perfectly against my body when we cuddle. I just really missed you."

211. "We're a team, remember?"

212. "There's no place I'd rather be than by your side."

213. "Your smile brightens the whole room."

214. "I kinda adopted a puppy behind your back... don't be mad! Look at those cute fluffy paws!"

215. "You're burning up. Guess I need to activate my nurse mode."

216. "I love you. As in more than friends, more than best friends and more than super extra best friends."

217. "I love you just the way you are."

218. "We need to kick his ass, no questions asked. You in?"

219. "Hot chocolate and cuddles? Kisses?"

220. "You make me feel pretty."

221. "You'll always be my best girl."

222. "Never hide yourself from me."

223. "Babe! There's no toilet paper!"

224. "I'll never give up on you."

225. "Do you feel that shirt? That's boyfriend material."

226. "That prank went so wrong."

227. "Care to dance, my love?"

228. "AH! You're stuck with me!"

229. "You're too good to me."

230. "Is it that time of the month?"

231. "Can I braid your hair?"

232. "It's okay to have doubts, as long as you don't let them overwhelm you."

233. "Come here! I can't stand to be so far away from you!"

234. "I got you."

235. "I wanna fall asleep next to you every night and wake up every morning with you by my side."

236. "Stop, I need to finish this!"

237. "I just wanna binge watch The Office, but it's not the same without you."

238. "Because I care about you!"

239. "I just wanted to impress you."

240. "I love you even though your breath stinks right now."

241. "Did you just puke on me?"

242. "We should get drunk and do stupid things."

243. "I always know what you're thinking about, babe. You're like an open book!"

244. "Could you sing to me?"

245. "I, uh, could you... could you play with my hair, please?"

246. "Nooooo, don't leave! I'm cold!"

247. "I think you're suffering from a lack of vitamin me."

248. "A mistletoe? Really?"

249. "Will you join me, love?"

250. "I have feelings for you."

251. "You are the reason."

252. "Take my hand, I wanna show you something..."

253. "You have a lovely name."

254. "You're my everything."

255. "You do know a lot about my blushing schedule."

@voilawind

#prompt list #prompts #fluff #fluffy prompts #fanfic prompts #fanfiction

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weasleylangs · 3 years

Text

secrets i have held in my heart - f.w

Pairing: Fred x Fem!Reader Summary: Everyone in the twins’ lives mix them up once in a while, except for Y/N. Fred is dying to know how. Warnings: Some angst with a happy ending, yes I wrote oblivious Fred again with miscommunication issues, what about it, some swearing, brief mention of the war but obviously this is a FredLives!AU :D, mentions of sex but nothing descriptive it’s like one line, - everyone is 18+ by the way! Word Count: 4k

A/N: For the anon who requested super secret mutual pining with some angst where the reader is the only person who can tell the twins apart! Thank you so much for requesting. This has also been cross-posted on AO3 (frederickweasleys) as per the anon’s request!

Also, I didn’t want to write about a 17 and 15 year old pining after each other, so I made everyone older and it’s postwar, however I was like 2000 words into the fic when I remembered George got his mf ear blasted off in DH so…. U do not see that it’s not canon in this fic thank you

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The sun is blaring down on The Burrow and everyone is starting to wonder the likelihood of getting heatstroke. They’re in the south-west of England and the weather doesn’t usually get above the early 20s in the middle of August, however, mother nature has decided to wreak havoc and today is almost 30°.

Y/N is looking at the pages in her book but she’s not processing anything on the pages. She’s so appreciative of the relaxing life she and all her loved ones finally have. The war ended last year, and while Y/N isn’t family, Molly and Arthur are always insistent she’s welcomed at The Burrow for their Sunday roast dinners.

So she sits under a tree, the muggle fantasy novel in hand as Molly is busy prepping dinner and her friends all play quidditch. Hermione’s been refereeing them despite having no actual knowledge of the rules, and right now, she’s waving Harry’s copy of ‘Quidditch Through The Ages’ at one of the twins trying to prove a point, fully aware she’s going to get nowhere with him. He’s laughing at her and he raises the hand holding the beater’s bat as he threatens to (softly) hit her with it when he looks over her shoulder and spots his favourite girl perched under the tree with his mum’s homemade lemonade.

Before Y/N knows it, the bat’s been thrown in her direction, barely missing her and hitting the tree behind her, and when she looks up, she immediately recognises the twin as Fred. Fred and Y/N are almost two sides of the same coin and their friendship has always been considered unlikely. Fred loves mischief and pranks and he’s extremely exuberant where Y/N is a ‘stickler for the rules’ (Fred’s words, not hers) and she’d much rather spend her day reading than playing quidditch. But their friendship blossomed and eventually for Y/N her feelings evolved into more.

But Y/N is one of Ron’s best friends, and having a crush on her best friend’s older brother is weird, even if they are 19 and 21.

“Hi Freddie,” she says, dog-earing the page and closing her novel, accepting now that Fred’s in her presence, the book isn't getting read again until tonight, “no more quidditch?”

The ginger gives her a shit-eating grin and completely ignores her question, “Darling, I’m George.”

Y/N squints at him for a brief moment, second-guessing herself but the longer she looks at him the more she’s sure it’s Fred, not George in front of her. “No, you’re Fred. I’ve known you for how long? Just accept I can tell you apart.”

Fred mutters a ‘fuck’ under his breath as he sits down. He’s always loved that Y/N is the only person who can tell them apart, his own family struggling sometimes and especially when they’re apart. But no matter what, she somehow gets it right every single time and he’s dying to know how.

“You’re never going to tell me how you do it, are you?” He questions and she replies how she always does when he asks, blaming it on intuition and that she doesn’t know how she does it. As always, he doesn’t believe her. Y/N secretly does have a way of easily telling the twins apart, not rooted in intuition in the slightest but she doesn’t want to tell him.

The truth is, the way her heart races when Fred looks or speaks to her is her way of telling them apart. Fred always has a mischievous glint in his brown eyes and the way he looks at Y/N makes her feel like she’s the only girl in the world. George is sweet, loving and exceptionally kind- he was there as a source of comfort and calmness for Y/N when the trio disappeared during their 7th year to hunt Horcruxes, when she and her family went into hiding. She loves George like she would love a brother, like how she loves Ron and Harry, but the love Y/N has for Fred is different and the catalyst for her ability to tell them apart.

“I’m going to get you one day. One day George and I will swap and you’ll get it wrong and as a reward for finally tricking the oh so wonderful Miss Y/N Y/L/N, you’ll tell me how you tell us apart.”

It’s not even an hour later when Fred and George come down wearing each other’s clothing. Y/N’s well aware Fred prefers to wear warm and bright colours while George likes to wear the dark colours in their coordinated clothing, so seeing Fred walk down the stairs in George’s purple shirt and vice versa is funny, despite the fact they’re identical twins, Y/N thinks they look ridiculous and unfamiliar.

“George put the purple back on. You look weird in orange,” she says, as she goes back to help Molly with the vegetables for dinner and soon after she speaks, she hears someone angrily kick the table. She looks up from her potatoes she’s been peeling to see an entertained George and Fred who looks like he’s going to throw a child-size tantrum.

“How!” He exclaims again, pulling the shirt up over his head, shoving it in George’s hands and stomping back upstairs to change. Y/N is about to follow him, genuine concern for Fred in tow. She knows he’s most likely just being dramatic to cause a ruckus but there’s a small part of her that considers he might be serious.

“He’s fine, Y/N,” George states, changing his shirts and throwing Fred’s orange one over the back of the chair as he sits down, “I think he’s trying to rile you up into telling him how you do it.”

She laughs at this, knowing that while she might not have told him, the look in George’s eye hints that he’s picked up on her feelings for his twin brother. But before she can say anything, Ron comes bounding down the stairs and right into the kitchen, Harry in tow. They’re both looking for food and when Ron’s hand makes his way towards the ham, Y/N smacks him.

“Don’t spoil your dinner,” she scolds which causes Harry to laugh.

“But, mum,” Ron mockingly replies, “All the quidditch got me hungry!” He might be 19 but he’s sulking like a 10-year-old boy and Y/N thinks temper tantrums might run in the Weasley family.

When Molly isn’t looking, however, Y/N sneaks him a piece of ham and Ron jumps up quickly, smacking a kiss to her cheek, “You’re the best!” he whispers as he quickly shoves the piece of ham in his mouth to not be caught by his mother.

Soon enough, everyone’s crammed into the small kitchen and Molly waves them all out except Y/N, who she insists stays. She thinks it’s because she was already helping with the vegetables but when she’s about to ask for her next task, Molly has a rare mischievous glint in her eye.

“How do you tell my sons apart?” She enquires and Y/N groans. She hasn’t been asked how she tells the twins apart this often since she was at Hogwarts and before she can speak, Molly continues, “it’s just no one can besides us, and even then, sometimes I catch myself calling George, Fred sometimes.”

Y/N sighs. She loves Molly like her own mother, but she loves to meddle like every mother.

“I just know, I wish I had some excuse like a mother’s instinct, but I just know,” Y/N pauses and thinks how to word her next statement without spilling too much for potential eavesdroppers and Extendable Ears to hear, “They have different energies. I think I pick up on it easily.”

Y/N hopes that’s enough for Molly to drop the conversation at hand and while Molly hums in agreement, she reads between the lines. She’s known for a while that Y/N carries a flame for the oldest twin, after all the way Y/N looks at Fred is the same way she looks at Arthur, so she’s hoping for the day they both stop dancing around their feelings.

She already loves Y/N like a daughter, and she’d like it to be official one day.

After dinner, the girls are all holed up in Ginny’s room. She loves staying at The Burrow. Y/N never grew up with sisters and her friendship with Hermione and Ginny are the closest she gets to them. They usually gossip, who’s dating who, who’s already getting married, sometimes it gets juicy and someone’s pregnant.

When Ginny and Harry, and Hermione and Ron finally got together, they gushed for hours about how it finally happened and how excited they all were.

Tonight, unfortunately, the topic at hand is Y/N and Fred.

“When are you going to tell him?” Ginny enquires as she smooths out her face mask. Hermione’s braiding Y/N’s hair and when she doesn’t reply, Hermione grasps some hair and gives a hard tug. Y/N yelps and while Hermione mutters an apology, she doesn’t miss the wink she gives Ginny in the mirror.

“Tell Fred what exactly?”

“About your feelings for him,” Ginny replies like it’s the most obvious thing in the world that everyone should have known. Y/N starts to stutter, trying to find words to deny her feelings but these are her two best girl friends, her sisters and she can’t lie to them no matter how much she wants to.

“Okay fine, they exist but he’s never knowing,” she states, a matter of factly as if it’s something to be proud of, “and he’s never finding out. I’m looking at you, Ginevra.” Ginny inherited her love to meddle from her mother, and if Y/N is positive about anything it’s that Ginny is going to meddle to get her best friend and brother together.

“I’m pretty sure he likes you back,” Hermione says. She prides herself on being observant but even she didn’t notice Ron’s feelings for her until he quite literally put his lips on hers.

“I’m just his little siblings’ best friend, Hermione, I doubt it,” she says as she grabs the tiny elastics to secure her hair. “Besides, I think he has a thing with one of the girls from his year at school.”

“You’re choosing now of all days to get the wrong twin? George is dating Angelina. Fred hasn’t even been seen with a girl since he slept with one of Fleur’s cousins at the wedding.” Ginny says and something about this makes Y/N blush, almost happy that Fred’s been single for as long as she has, but the jealousy is in the back of her mind.

“... Shut up,” Y/N laughs as she grabs the nearest pillow and smacks Ginny over the head with it. This causes chaos in Ginny’s tiny bedroom and soon enough all three girls are defending themselves with pillows and jumping around the bedroom.

What none of the girls knew, however, was Fred standing outside of the bedroom, eavesdropping. He’s always been curious about what the girls talk about when the boys aren’t around and Fred reckons if he doesn’t have to hear about his little siblings’ sex life, it doesn’t hurt anybody.

Except it does, and he hurts himself. He arrived just in time for Ginny to question why Y/N doesn’t admit her feelings to someone. At first, Fred was hopeful, especially when the conversation steers in the direction of her liking one of the twins. After all, Bill’s married, Percy’s… Well, he’s Percy and Charlie isn’t in England enough for him to believe Y/N was able to develop feelings for him.

So that leaves himself and George from context clues. He’s always had a crush on her ever since they were in school, but he was always worried about coming off as creepy, pining after someone two years below him.

But then Y/N says ‘I think he has a thing with one of the girls from his year at school’ and he walks off before he even hears the rest of the conversation, hearing the apparent confirmation of Y/N’s feelings for George.

The summer is still sweltering hot when she decides to visit Diagon Alley three days later. She’s shopping for her nephew when she ends up in Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes. Fred was unusually quiet when she said goodbye to him on Monday morning before she floo’d away to her job at the Ministry and she’s hoping to catch him at the shop during quiet hour.

When she walks in, she’s met with a bell ringing and the voice that calls out ‘Hi, how are you today!’ doesn’t make her heart race so she immediately knows she’s caught the wrong twin at the counter.

“Hey, Georgie!” She makes her way over to the counter. It’s a Wednesday morning, so the shop has a lull in customers and he’s doing what Y/N assumes is a stock take of whizbangs. He gives her a nice smile as she potters her way over to him. She stops in front of the love potions, smelling the familiar scent of cinnamon, fireworks and something that can only be described as happiness in the small bottles. She’s so entranced for a moment that she doesn’t even notice George make his way up next to her.

“You don’t need one of these, by the way,” He whispers as he winks, looking behind him and seeing Fred standing on top of the spiral staircase not looking the happiest.

“You’re the second person to tell me that this week,” she mutters, quickly putting the love potion vial down, “I don’t know what any of you mean.”

George chuckles at her obliviousness. It’s been obvious since they were teenagers about the feelings both Fred and Y/N harbour for each other but he can’t help but admit it’s just the tiniest bit funny. Like it’s a joke they’re all in on except the oblivious couple themselves.

“It’s because we’re more observant than you, darling,” George says, absent-mindedly fixing the display so it looks presentable. Y/N’s about to question him when someone clears their throat behind them- an elderly gentleman shopping for some grandkids when George excuses himself with the promise ‘this isn’t over’.

Fred watched the interaction from the staircase and while he didn’t hear anything, he feels like he’s gotten punched in the stomach. He knows he’s never directly told George about his feelings for Y/N, and George is dating Angelina anyway and he’d never betray her, but he can’t ignore the slight feeling of upset he feels when he sees them interact.

“I think Y/N likes you,” Fred says nonchalantly and George almost chokes on his tea. It takes him a moment to fix his breathing before he looks at Fred like he’s got three heads.

“No, she doesn’t?” George questions, like it’s the most obvious thing in the entire world and that upsets Fred slightly. He’s not upset at George, he never has and he never will be upset with George, but it seems like his comment was brushed off without any deeper consideration.

“No, I think she does,” Fred says, twiddling his quill between his fingers as he stares at the tax invoice in front of him. Wednesday night is budget night and Fred knows he’s not going to get any work done if his mind is stuck on Y/N and her feelings for George.

“No, mate, she doesn’t,” George huffs and Fred notices the eye roll George gives him. George only ever gives him eye rolls when he’s being oblivious. Like when Fred spent 20 minutes looking for his wand last week only to find it in his pocket.

Fred’s convinced George is just being oblivious, blinded by his new relationship with Angelina that he hasn’t noticed Y/N’s feelings for him. “Do you wonder how she can tell us apart?”

George huffs in annoyance as a reply and Fred pouts as he attempts to go back to his taxes. He’s reread the same line three times when George finally speaks.

“I think it’s got something to do with her feelings for us. She feels differently about one twin.” George is intentionally being coy, hoping to Godric that Fred caught the pointed stare and the emphasis but Fred wasn’t looking and the longer he dwells on what George has said the more he’s convinced he doesn’t have a chance with Y/N at all.

It’s the weekly Sunday roast again and Fred isn’t expecting to floo into The Burrow and be met almost face to face with Y/N. He’s planned on ignoring her today, purposely volunteering to do any work needed at the shop while George floo’s to The Burrow early in the afternoon.

It teeters on 5 pm when Fred finally arrives and he’s quickly engulfed in a hug by his mother with his father behind him telling him to stop working on Sundays as ‘Sundays are for family’. With a kiss to his mum’s forehead and a promise to his dad that he’ll force George into doing the Sunday work next week, who throws a piece of stale bread at Fred’s head while exclaiming ‘you offered!’ he quickly makes his way away from Y/N.

Molly’s quick to serve up dinner now Fred’s here, complaining he’s starving already. He quickly steals the seat next to Ron and pulls George down next to him- not wanting to allow Y/N to sit either side of him. Usually, she sits between Ron and Fred and when she turns the corner and the only available seat is the furthest from Fred, her heat sinks a little.

Dinner is pleasant, it always is at The Burrow. Hermione and Y/N talk about the ministry while Ginny tells stories of her Holyhead Harpies tryouts she had during the week. Y/N might let slip she works with the coach’s sister-in-law and overheard some high praise for a certain Miss. Weasley and Ginny’s eyes fill with tears when she hears this.

There’s a quick lull in conversation as Molly waves her wand and the now empty plates make their way into the kitchen, children following behind them ready to help wash up but Fred makes his way outside. He likes to watch the sunset, the sun slowly dipping behind the hills where he learnt how to play quidditch as a kid as the sun becomes shades of orange.

He’s sitting under the tree when Y/N follows him out. She’s shouting his name trying to find him. He slipped out without anyone noticing and that’s unusual for Fred so something is wrong. When she spots him, she starts jogging over and she can’t tell if he’s ignoring her or can’t hear her calling his name, so she tries something.

“George?”

Fred turns, a smirk subconsciously forming on his lips and Y/N finally feels seen by him in a week. “It took me calling you your brother’s name to get your attention?” She asks, kicking sticks out of the way before she takes a seat next to him.

“No, love. Just shocked you finally got us mixed up,” he replies, shoving her a little with his elbow. He knows she only did it to get his attention, but he’s Fred Weasley and he’s going to use this to his advantage. “I believe I told you when you get us mixed up, you’re legally required to tell me how you do it. I’m all ears.” He wiggles his eyebrows but deep down, he’s scared George’s assumption is right.

She rolls her eyes, but the love she has for this boy in her heart can’t be kept a secret anymore. This week she’s felt like he’s been ignoring her and while she and Fred are no means ‘best friends’, not like she is with the others, she’s felt a little piece of her universe missing knowing he’s been upset.

“You and George, I… I feel different about you to how I feel about George,” she starts and Fred’s breath hitches. He doesn’t know if he’s going to storm off or throw up so he just sits and stares at a rock. “George makes me feel comfortable. He’s always willing to talk to me about anything, feeds into the fact I can speak for hours on end about any topic if you let me,” she laughs and her nervousness is in her throat. She notices Fred isn’t looking at her and it’s making her want to run away.

“But you, you feel like home, Freddie. The way my heart races when I hear you speak or when you look at me. It’s the biggest indicator of how I tell you guys apart. George and you may be identical but the way you both make me feel is so different.” She’s whispering now and she’s realised Fred is looking at her so intently that the Earth might open up and swallow her whole.

“Like, home?”

She smiles softly and takes his big hand that’s been messing with rocks into her small ones. “Like I can tell you anything and you’ll never judge me. I could be having the worst day of my life and one joke from you can make me smile even if I’ve been crying for hours.” Her thumb starts to rub along the top of his hand and the way he shivers doesn’t miss her.

“I’m trying to say, in a round-about kind of way, that I’m in love with you, Freddie,” her voice is shaky but there’s no backing out now. “I’m in love with you and this past week where it’s felt like you’re mad at me has me so confused because I don’t know what I did.”

Fred feels incredibly guilty now, he was so caught up in his own feelings that he didn’t stop to think how his actions would affect Y/N. “I thought you liked George,” he whispers, and he feels his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. “I thought you liked George and not me and I didn’t want to be near you knowing that.”

She giggles and drops his hands to run her fingers through his hair. It’s still short but she thinks she can convince him to grow it out again. “Me? George? Not even for a second.”

“Why not?” The joking in Fred’s voice is there but so is the genuine curiosity.

“I don’t know. It’s just always been you, ever since I was 11 and you were bullying Ron into performing a spell to turn Scabbers yellow.” She laughs at the memory, watching scrawny Fred bully his small brother on the train platform.

Fred looks down at her, her hands now playing at the hair at the back of his neck and he feels goosebumps rise across his skin. He wants nothing more to lean down and press a kiss to her lips and when he realises he never actually admitted his feelings to Y/N back, he starts to lean down, hoping to convey everything he feels for her through a kiss.

She’s quick to catch on and she leans up so quickly they almost bump noses. It’s messy, like most first kisses are, especially in an awkward sitting down position but the love they have for each other is there and obvious. They pull away when they’re barely kissing anymore, just smiling and laughing into each other’s mouths.

“Does this mean we’re dating now?” Fred asks. It’s a dumb question, they both know it but when Y/N pretends to think he stands up and hauls her over his shoulders and starts swinging her around. The giggles that erupt from her make Fred’s heart swell and he’s about to put her down just to get down on one knee himself and propose right then and there.

“Yes, Freddie, if you want me to be your girlfriend then I’m yours.” Y/N replies and Fred smiles, he loves that. Not Y/N being his, he could never believe she’s an object, but she loves him and he loves her and now he understands why George was rolling his eyes at him.

“As long as you don’t get George and I mixed up in bed, I’m all yours.” He says it jokingly, but the smack he receives from Y/N is no joke and when he starts swinging her around again, he’ll forever make dumb jokes like this if he gets to hear her laugh like that for the rest of his days.

#fred weasley fanfiction #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley one shot #fred weasley

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lilliagradiewrites · 3 years

Text

flinch (harry styles)

Summary: When you are arguing with Harry, you flinch away from him, and he realizes your last relationship was worse the he knew.

WC: 1.3k

WARNINGS: HUGE TW! THIS DEALS HEAVILY WITH DOMESTIC ABUSE/VIOLENCE! PLEASE KNOW THIS BEFORE CONTINUING!!

This story is mainly angst, with a lil bit of fluff at the end.

A/N: Another Harry one shot! My last one did so so well, and I gained so many new friends on this profile! I really hope you guys enjoy this super sad/angsty piece <3

(this has not been proofread.)

LET’S DO IT!!!

~~~~~~

“I’m sorry Y/N! I don’ know what you want from me! I’m always filming, there’s nothin’ I can do!”

“I’m not mad at you, Harr, I know it’s not your fault! I was just saying that it sucks, okay? I miss you so fucking much, all day, all the time! Excuse me for fucking missing you when you’re not here!”

The argument had sprouted an hour ago, when you told Harry you missed him. Now, here you were, having a screaming match with him in your living room.

Harry was currently starring in the new Olivia Wilde movie, Don’t Worry Darling. You were incredibly proud of him, but his constant filming was hard for you. He was always gone, filming in Los Angeles.

At first, he would fly you out every other weekend to visit him on set. While you didn’t see him as much as you would like, at least you got to interact with him face to face.

Unfortunately, this routine didn’t last very long. After the first crew member contracted COVID-19, they decided to maintain a closed set, to prevent the spread as much as possible. So, your meetings with Harry were reduced to facetime calls, which always left something to be desired. Not having your boyfriend with you was taking a massive toll on you, and all you did today was express that to him.

For some reason, he took personal offense to your statement, and the two of you began fighting.

“Do you think I don’ miss you too? Of course I do! But this is such a big opportunity for me, I’m not gonna drop because you miss me! It’s only lasting a little while longer, I promise you can manage!”

Tears began welling up in your eyes. There was nothing you hated more than getting yelled at, and it’s even worse since it’s Harry. You loved him so much, and just the thought of him being upset with you made you want to cry.

“I know, babe, and I’m not asking you to. I just.... I’m sorry. It’s alright. Can we please not fight? You’re only home for two weeks. I don’t want to waste it being angry with each other.” your voice was barely a whisper.

“I just need you to understand! It’s not my fault I’m always gone. You’re bein’ selfish!”

At this moment, he took a step forward as he yelled. In instinct, you whipped away, putting your hands up in defense. A whimper left your mouth, and for a moment, you forgot that it was only Harry standing in front of you.

Immediately, your boyfriend froze. His brows furrowed, and he went silent. You were still standing away, and your hands are still held towards him.

When you realized he’d paused, you came to your senses. Recomposing yourself, you turned around towards him, your hands folding over your chest.

When you met his eyes, the look in them was terrible to see.

He was absolutely devastated. The emerald green that normally shined when he looked at you had been dulled.

“Lovie…” He begins, his voice a hoarse whisper. “Did you just- did you think I was going to hit you?”

You dropped his gaze; you couldn’t bear to look at him.

“I would never. I would never, ever, lay a hand on you. Did… did your ex hit you, my love?

You could do nothing but cry. As your knees began to give out, Harry moved immediately forward, catching you before you could collapse.

Sobs wracked your body as Harry lowered himself and you to the floor. Silent tears slid down his face as he consoled you, the pain of this newfound information tearing him apart.

He couldn’t believe it. How could anyone ever lay a hand on his beautiful angel? You were nothing but sweetness and love? Hurting you was like shooting an angel down from the sky. You were so amazing.

What hurt even more was that you flinched away from him. He knew it was instinct, because of what you’ve been through, but he still hated himself for allowing the conversation to even get to that point. Seeing you move away like that, like you were scared of him… it caused him physical pain like he’d never imagined.

And now, you sat here, crying in his arms. His lovie, crying.

The sound of your sobs hurt like hell, too.

“I’m so sorry, my love. I-I wish I could go back in time and protect you from him. I’m so so sorry.”

This only made you cry harder. You hated that you made Harry feel like you were scared of him; you were far from it. When he was near you, you felt safe and protected. When people yelled at you, you went to a different place in your mind.

When you were being yelled at, it didn’t matter who was yelling at you.

All you see was him in front of you.

When your sobs grew less intense, Harry spoke to you again.

“Why didn’ you tell me, lovie? You never told me. I wish you’d said something.”

You looked up at him, and the sight was a knife to your heart. Your beautiful boy was crying.

You hated it when he cried.

“I-I didn’t want to upset you. It was ten months ago. I didn’t think I needed to.”

‘Ten months isn’ that long of a time period, baby. You still need time to heal. I wish I could’ve helped you before now.”

“I’m sorry.” Your voice was weak, and you began to cry again. You buried your head in Harry’s shoulder, but it was only there for a second.

He took your face in his large hands and moved it away from his body, making sure he could look you in the eye.

“No, my love. Don’ you dare apologize. I can’t imagine how hard it must’ve been for you. How hard it must be. I get it why you didn; say anything. You have nothing to apologize for, Y/N. Absolutely nothing.”

All you could do is nod.

“I wish I could protect you from your past.” Harry whispered as he held you against his chest.

For over an hour, you sat there on the floor of the living room, holding each other and crying quietly. You both had so much to say and nothing to say simultaneously.

Once a while had passed, Harry whispered something inaudible, then picked you up bridal style.

He carried you into your bedroom, sitting you gently on the bed. You just laid there with your eyes closed, too mentally and emotionally exhausted to do anything.

Harry moved quietly throughout your room. You could hear drawers opening and closing, hear the soft sound of his feet padding against the carpet.

When he came back to you, he lifted your upper half off of the bed, holding you close to him. You felt his hands on the hem of your shirt, and then felt his mouth near your ear.

“Is it alright if I help you undress, love? You should change into pajamas or you’ll be uncomfortable.”

You nodded sleepily, but that wasn’t enough for Harry.

“I need a yes, angel.”

“Yes, harry, it’s okay.”

He nodded lightly, accepting this as an answer. He lifted your shirt gently, tossing it to the side, and replacing it with one of his own. His shirt was soft and comfortable against your skin. You smiled at the feeling; there was nothing you loved wearing more than his clothes.

Harry got permission from you again before pulling off your jeans. He didn’t replace these with anything, knowing that you usually slept in your underwear when you wore his shirt.

Once you were in comfy clothes, Harry lifted you once more, placing your head on your pillow and pulling the blankets over you. Once you were settled, he climbed into bed beside you.

“I love you so much, angel. You are the love of my life. I will protect you with everythin’ I have in me. No one is ever goin’ to hurt you like that again, I promise.”

Those were the last words you heard before drifting off to sleep.

#harry styles #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fic #harry styles writer #harry styles x reader

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darylbeth · 3 years

Text

tagged by @im-immortal thankyou angel 💘✨

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

52!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

426,219 currently

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

call me friend but keep me closer

not made to call you mine

if we’re not nostalgic, we’re home

oh, did i say that i want you?

things we’d burn for

4. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

always!! getting comments is mostly the reason i keep posting. it’s the best feeling in the world to me as a writer to see how much other people enjoy my work, especially when they highlight their favourite parts

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

ohh this one’s hard because i don’t write too many angsty endings anymore. probably either we could have forever again or he knew they’d be forever, whenever she laughed

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

call me friend or keep me closer because it’s super light-hearted throughout so the ending is extra warm and fuzzy

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

i’ve never wanted to but i admire people that do bc i could never have the patience to properly introduce different characters and worlds

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

not that i can recall!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes! not sure what type, it’s sex and it’s graphic hahaha

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

luckily no!

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no but would be so cool one day

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no but would be cool one day, too!

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

bethyl. i go to different ships but this one always stays

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

i don’t have any WIPs! i love writing out the entire fic and then posting consistently, mostly because i don’t know where they’re going half the time so at least if i’ve already finished it, i know it all works nicely

15. What are your writing strengths?

definitely describing feelings and getting into the heads of characters, i get lost in it and end up breaking up like five sentences of dialogue over a page because the characters are in their heads so much

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

dialogue for sure! idk why i find it so hard but i can stare at a page for an hour wondering why i can’t word a simple sentence right

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i don’t think i’ve ever done that!

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

i think it’s the walking dead, i had a super long fic years and years ago that i lost and never got to post and i can’t remember writing fanfics before that

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

ahhhh it’s so hard to pick! but honestly call me friend but keep me closer is one of my faves because it was just so fun to write and i love the au i’ve created. also baby, are you coming for the ride? because i love the way i’ve developed beth and daryl’s relationship and i’m super proud of myself for how long it is!

tagging: @bitchywaldof @galadrieljones and anyone who wants to do it!!

#i'm pietromavximoff on ao3 :)#games

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peralta-guaranteed · 3 years

Note

Mac and Jake reading and talking about their day in a hammock (at the cabin without the Santiago’s except their favourite one) Amy coming to see them hc

It's been a day. That's the best thing Amy can say about it all as she steps out of the shower, finally having washed off all the grime and sweat that had accumulated on every inch of her during the course of said day.

It had started out with a very simple plan. Victor had texted them on wednesday to inform them that the Santiago cabin was actually free this weekend (a rare occurrence, considering all 8 siblings were constantly fighting over getting it for a weekend trip) so they should lay claim to it if they could make the time - and a quick chat with Holt made sure they could. So, by friday evening, their bags were perfectly packed and waiting in the car, ready to drive over to Karen to pick up Mac and head straight up to the cabin.

Then that big break-through in one of Jake's cases had happened, and he didn't make it home until 11pm, tired and weary and with a big bruise on his hip that he said was fine, but made him whince when he picked Mac up. Holt had relented and offered them the monday off as an apology to save their weekend getaway, but they still didn't get on the road until almost 11am on saturday because Mac had had a massive blowout right around the time they were dressing him to leave.

And then the thing with the tire happened halfway through. Amy changed it like a pro - you never unlearn that, obviously - and waved a mental goodbye to her summer dress, now covered in grease and dirt. Mac had gotten a little overheated during the change, and ended up fussy and whiny for the rest of the drive. And whatever they'd picked for lunch at that truck stop had given her the worst stomach cramps she could remember having - and she'd given birth, after all - so Jake took fussy Mac to the passenger seat to let her lie down in the backrow, constantly worrying about how having a baby in the front seat was a major safety violation, even as Jake kept to the right and drove as slow as the honking and raging cars around them allowed.

And then they'd arrived at the cabin only to discover that Julian and his friends, who'd had it last weekend, had left it in such a state of disarray that Amy genuinely considered whether he had any Santiago genes in him at all. (It wasn't really that much of a mess - she was certain Jake wouldn't have minded at all, but she still spent a good hour cleaning up and sorting everything through while Jake put away their own things and food supplies and changed fussy Mac into a more airy outfit to crawl through the now clean place.)

After all that, Jake had only given her kiss and a knowing look. "Go take a shower", he'd said, knowing it was half for her to feel clean again, and half to get her head set back straight to relax, "as long as you need. I'll entertain Mac outside."

And that's where she finds them when she steps onto the porch with a new, clean, bright yellow summer dress. She can see the hammock that has been hanging at the edge of the woods for decades now swinging softly, Jake's flipflops and a bottle of water and a fruit pouch underneath it. And she can hear his voice, soft and a little bit deeper than usual, a tone reserved for story time and lullabies.

"So the No-nicorn, for the last time, took a deep, deep breath and said: NO!" He finishes as she carefully stalks closer, not wanting to interrupt. "Man, your Mama's not gonna be too happy if that ends up being your first word by accident. Maybe the book's not such a good idea, hm? Need to step up the cariño game some more to make it stick." He continues while the book closes with a soft thud.

Mac lets out a little gurgle.

"I know, but it would be a sweet surprise, you have to agree." Jake continues as if the baby on his chest has said something wortwhile, and Amy stops on her way to them. Mac is a little babbler, even though he's far from forming proper words, yet Jake has taken to replying to him as if he were, and she's only ever caught the end tail of their 'conversations'.

"What a day we had, huh, buddy? Mama had to do a lot today. And she was supposed to relax..."

Mac seems to shift as he answers with a few noises.

"Yeah, she's a superhero, you're right." Amy fights a smile as Mac squeals.

"You think so? I dunno. I think more Captain Marvel."

Another gurgle.

"Mac, just because you're obsessed with Gal Gadot doesn't mean Wonder Woman is the only super heroine in the world."

Mac's reply sounds almost indignant.

"Okay okay, you're right. Anyway. We gotta make it up to her somehow. What do you think about getting a head start on dinner?"

A definitely delighted squeal - they've been giving him more and more 'adult' food to chew on, which he loves.

"No, you can't keep asking for chicken nuggets. They're like 99% fat. At least ask for tater tots, those are vegetables in a way."

"They are not." Amy interrupts the little scene as she steps up to the hammock, finally getting a proper look at her two boys in summer shorts and tank tops, Mac resting on his back against Jake's chest, chewing on the edge of the soft cover book they've just read. "You know we got him a broccoli and carrot mix for tonight."

"Ames, you can't give him broccoli after I promised him tater tots."

"Well then you shouldn't have promised him tater tots."

Jake sighs, but grabs her hand to pull her a bit closer and press a kiss on it, the only part of her he can reach without moving too much in the hammock and subsequently falling out of it. "Feel better after the shower?"

"Definitely. But I think dinner can wait a little bit. I need quality time with my babies first. Think you can make some space in that little cocoon you two built?"

"Normally I'd give a strong yes to that, but I'm not sure if the hammock can hold us all." He shifts anway, holding Mac tight against him as the whole construction sways a bit less softly as it did before.

"Well it can hold two 19 year olds during a make-out session, from what I remember, so I'd say it's pretty sturdy." She grins while she slips into it, laying down carefully against Jake's side as his arm wraps around her.

"Santiago!" He gasps. "I don't know whether I should be proud, turned on, or a bit grossed out by that. Didn't know I was bringing our son into a place of teenage debauchery where his Mama was smooching some other guy years ago."

"It's okay." Amy continues to grin as Mac tries to crawl over to her, stroking her fingers over his smiling, chubby cheeks. "I can fix it by smooching his Dada in it later when he's asleep."

Jake tilts her head up by a soft pull on her hair for that, and presses a kiss right onto her still smiling lips. And even though the weekend has started with more chaos and troubles and worries than they probably would've ever expected, she's sure it's going to be a great one despite it all.

#b99 #brooklyn 99 #jake peralta #amy santiago #mac peralta #peraltiago #ficlet #my writing #my fic

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crispyjenkins · 4 years

Note

Hi can I request something where jaster picks up obi wan early in his apprenticeship like on bandomeer or melida/daan and just adopts him and jango and obi grow up as like childhood sweethearts? Love your work, thanks for writing! :)

(**because they get together as teens, i’ve adjusted the age difference to 2 years instead of 9 because just like. no. they’re 17 and 19 in this!

hmm also i feel the need to say the true mandalorians being chill about showing their faces is super intentional in all my works, i have so. many. headcanons about different clans, and why the covert is so careful about their helmets, and i just never seem to find the time to talk about it (๑o̴̶̷̥᷅ㅂo̴̶̷̥᷅๑) sigh someday)

“Stop smiling, you smug bastard,” Obi-Wan grouses as his would-be suitor awkwardly shuffles away under Jango’s feral grin.

Endlessly pleased with himself, Jango leans against their starfighter and watches the Chiss mechanic disappear into the crowded spaceport. “That’s three you owe me, ‘Nobi.”

Obi-Wan glares at him and snatches Jango’s buy’ce from his hands to shove it on his stupid vod’s head. “I can take care of myself, Vhett. I don’t owe you banthashit.”

“It’ll be easier when you finish your armor,” Jango adds unhelpfully, righting his helmet and strapping it on properly as if nothing had happened. “Only drunks and spice-addicts try to hit on with Mandalorians in full beskar’gam.”

“That’s very reassuring, thanks.”

“If you two are done flirting,” Bosoloc cuts in, their Arconan pilot smirking down at them from the primary cockpit, “we were supposed to meet your buir hours ago.”

Obi-Wan says, “That’s Jango’s fault,” just as Jango grumbles,

“‘Nobi’s fault.”

Bosoloc levels them both with a world-weary look that has them scrambling up the rusty ramp stairs to the secondary cockpit. Obi-Wan helps Jango over the edge and kicks away the ramp, before pulling the lever to close the blast canopy over their heads. With only minor grouching, he lets Jango tug him onto the edge of the seat between his legs, because this starfighter is absolutely not made for three pilots.

“Hands to yourself, spacer,” Obi-Wan says as he follows Bosoloc’s lead to get the ‘fighter ready for the short flight to the nearby moon where they’re to rejoin the Haat’ade and, hopefully, avoid a lecture about safety. Again.

Jango chuckles, impossibly close, and slips Obi-Wan’s own helmet onto his head. “You’re the one that got us into this mess,” he reminds him, somehow managing to fasten the strap under Obi-Wan’s chin without looking.

Bosoloc signals for takeoff, and Obi-Wan elbows Jango in the ribs, leaning over to calibrate the astronav system. Practically oozing his amusement, Jango innocently sets his hands on Obi-Wan’s hips, but doesn’t otherwise bother him until they’re out of atmo, properly refueled this time. Which had maybe sort of, yes, been Obi-Wan’s fault that they had not been when they left Concord Dawn.

Not that he would ever admit to it.

The Haat’ade camp on Aslo II is a whirlwind of activity, commandos in various states of beskar’gam running back and forth from tents to their ships, blaster cartridges exchanged faster than words as supercommandos bark orders and direct the foot traffic, and Obi-Wan lives for this.

The energy, the excitement before a battle, the way his people leak every thought into the Force until he can’t feel anything else. The way this is the closest he’ll ever come to being a knight.

Jango takes one look at his expression after dropping from the starfighter, and shakes his head. “Alright, come on, adrenaline junkie,” he snorts, grabbing Obi-Wan by the arm to tug him right into the heart of the whirlwind.

He senses Jaster before he sees him, their Mand’alor all but glittering in the Force compared to the more muted signatures of the other Haat’ade; Jaster will swear up and down that being Mand’alor has nothing to do with the Force, and Obi-Wan can’t really remember much of what he’d learned in the Temple, but he knows Jaster’s full of it. The whole camp orbits around one nondescript tent, as if pulled by a physical gravity to their leader, and what little he does remember tells him the Force is just as much a part of the Mando’ade as it is the Jedi.

“Buir!” Jango calls as he drags Obi-Wan into the tent where Jaster is standing before a dataterminal with one of the supercommandos. He looks away from the graph Obi-Wan wouldn’t be able to make heads or tails of, and visibly sags in relief.

“And we thought we’d actually have to hold a funeral this time,” Ezovaq says from Jaster’s side, smiling benignly as Jango unclips his buy’ce and bounds forward to accept the hair-ruffle Jaster gives him.

But Kyr’tsad is closing in, and they don’t really have time to discuss the, arguably obscene, number of disappearances the Mand’alor’s foundlings have managed.

Obi-Wan joins them at the terminal, leaving his own helmet on. Jaster settles for knocking his knuckles on his forehead in greeting, and Ezovaq respectfully looks away; some things are not meant for anyone but clan.

“I’m glad to see you both in one piece,” Jaster sighs, turning back to the holoscreen and adding a datachip to the terminal so a map of Aslo replaces the graph. “When we did not hear from Bosoloc, we worried.”

“We needed to stop on Aslo to refuel,” Obi-Wan says on external comm, still unsure about how to speak with other commandos around. “A tropical storm had communications out until we were out of atmosphere. Sorry, Jas’alor,” he adds sheepishly, because of course Jaster knows who would have fueled the ‘fighter on Concord Dawn. Or not fueled, as it were.

Jango shoehorns himself against Obi-Wan’s side, the familiarity of the action catching Ezovaq’s gaze, but they say nothing as Jaster gives Obi-Wan a tired smile. “It is nothing, ad’ika. It is only a mistake repeated twice.”

“Bosoloc is finding another pilot,” Jango butts in, dropping an arm around Obi-Wan’s shoulders as easy as breathing. “She said Montross flew ‘Nobi’s and my fighter in?”

And Obi-Wan feels a swell of pride at that, that Jango is finally admitting they share custody of the rustbucket Jaster had gifted Obi-Wan for his fifteenth nameday, and at the implication that his and Jango’s repairs and advancements had been deemed worthy enough for an actual battle with Kyr’tsad. He isn’t an ace mechanic by any means, but Obi-Wan is still ridiculously proud of their S3 Y-wing – even if using it in combat puts Obi-Wan in the gunner’s chair and Jango behind the wheel.

To be fair, Jango hasn’t crashed them in over a year.

Jaster’s mouth moves as he responds, but Obi-Wan doesn’t hear it. White-hot fire races up his spine, and it feels as if all the air is sucked from the tent all at once, and Obi-Wan has only a moment to try and identify what the Force is trying to warn him of before a light flashes on the terminal and Myles’ voice cuts through the muggy air.

“Vizsla’s dropped out of hyperspace,” he reports, and Jango tightens his arm. “Contact in ten minutes, Mand’alor.”

Jaster looks to them with a parent’s resignation. “You heard the man,” he says, jerking his chin to the tent flap. “Contact in ten.”

“Mand’alor!” they return in unison, and duck from the tent to rush to the Y-wing.

Mando’a: buy’ce — beskar helmet vod — “brother, comrade, sibling”, pl. vode, technically gender neutral but used most often in fandom as “brother”. used here to denote that they are both jaster’s foundlings. Vhett — original form of the Basic-transliterated surname Fett, lit. “Farmer beskar’gam — Armour made of beskar, “Mandalorian Iron” that was actually probably a steel alloy buir — “parent”, gender neutral Haat’ade —lit. “true children of Mandalore”, True Mandalorians (slang shortened to Haat'ad/e) Kyr’tsad — Death Watch, lit. “Death Society”

#two updates?#in one day?#to be fair i'm not sure of the quality #but it feels good to be writing again #jangobi #prompt #ask box is closed but will be open again soon!#fanfiction #prompt fill #haat mando'ade obi #jaster mereel #jango fett #obi wan kenobi #jango fett/obi-wan kenobi #crispy writes #ask #anon #au #i forget how to tag things

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prettyboyjackhughes · 3 years

Text

-Draft Day- |J. Hughes|

“Char, you know as soon as they announce his name, you’re the first person he’ll try to find.” Trev says, messing with his tie. Tonight was the 1st night of the NHL draft. Jack is expected to go number one, Trev and Alex not far after. I was super excited for all of them but I wasn’t able to be in 3 places to sit with all of them. Trev and I had shared every little thing since we were born, might as well share this too.

“Well good thing he’s not that far away.” Jack says, turning around and smiling at me. Alex and Madi are in the row behind us. Madi and I had gone shopping for draft dresses a few weeks ago. I had bought a gray, short, off the shoulder sweater body con dress. Madi’s dress was a black, short body con dress with puff sleeves. She had paired her’s with nude heels and I had worn mine with black knee high heeled boots that made me almost as tall as Jack. Jack was wearing a blue suit with red stripes and a red and blue checkered tie. Trev had on a black suit with a light blue tie. Alex’s suit is my favorite. It’s light gray with a navy blue tie. Jack turns around and looks at me again.

“Trev’s right though. You’re the first one I’m looking for. So you’d better be ready to kiss me.” I laugh and lean in to kiss him.

“Baby baby! Not yet! I don’t want lipstick on my face when I get called up!” I roll my eyes and lean back in my seat, crossing my legs, my dress sliding up apparently too far for Jack and my brother’s comfort.

“Seriously Char? Pull it down!” Jack says loudly. Luke laughs and looks back at me.

“For real Charlie! No one wants to see that!” Trev says, pulling my skirt down for me. I roll my eyes and Madi laughs. The announcer comes on and asks everyone to take their seats and I reach over, taking Trev’s hand.

“Welcome to the 2019 National Hockey League Draft. Our first draft will be from the New Jersey Devils.” Jack shifts anxiously in his seat and Trev reaches down with his free hand to pat his shoulder.

“With the first pick overall, The New Jersey Devils are proud to select, from the U.S. program, Jack Hughes.” Jack stands up, the biggest grin I’ve ever seen on his face. He immediately turns around and almost falls over the chairs, reaching for me. I stand up and step towards him. Our lips connect and I can feel the smile on his face. After a few seconds, he pulls away. He hugs the whole Hughes family, Turcs, Trev, and Madi, and then makes his way to the stage. He had left his suit jacket on the back of his chair; leaving him in just his button up shirt. It hugs his upper body and arms in all the right places and shows off the muscles he’s worked extremely hard to get.

“Damn, he looks good in red.” I say, leaning back and patting Madi’s knee as Jack pulls the number 19 Devils jersey over his head, his hair sticking up adorably. She laughs and we all sit, waiting for Alex’s and Trev’s names to be called. We politely clap for every guy drafted but all I can focus my mind on is the fact that my boyfriend got drafted number one overall and was gonna be playing in the NHL alongside my brother and his best friend. Along with what will happen after all this is over, what Jack and I will do when we get home. Jack’s parents and Dukes were all staying at Quinn’s apartment in downtown Vancouver. My parents and Alex’s parents were all at a hotel about 20 minutes away from Quinn’s apartment. But since this is a big couple weeks for the boys and they would be coming and going so frequently, the parents all pitched in and booked the 5 of us an Airbnb for the next 2 weeks. While Trev was the third wheel to both couples, I’ve been woken up by him sneaking a few girls out at 4 in the morning before he thinks we’re all awake.

“You’re gonna get hell from all the girls in love with him.” Trev says as they announce the 3rd pick. I shrug, not worried about it.

“They’re not the ones sleeping with him at night. I am.” I say, smirking and laughing. Madi high fives me and I flip my hair.

“Wow, real humble aren’t we, Char?” Alex says, shifting in his seat and putting his arm around Madi’s waist. I smile and Alex gently tugs a chunk of my hair. .

“And with the fifth overall pick, the Los Angeles Kings select, from the U.S. National Development Program, Alex Turcotte.” Alex stands up and pulls Madi up with him. He pecks her on the cheek, not locking lips like Jack and I did. He hugs Trev, his parents and then reaches for me. I stand up, hug him and whisper in his ear.

“I’m so proud of you Turcs, love you.” He smiles and heads down to the stage.

“Madi that’s your boy!” I laugh as she snaps pictures of him.

“I feel like a proud mom!” She says, smiling. Trev’s gotten quiet during the last few minutes. I nudge him, waiting for a response as he stares at his phone.

“Huh? Oh I’m okay. Just, taking it all in.” I can see in his eyes he’s off but I’m not sure why. The management at the Anaheim Ducks had talked to him a while back and had mentioned if he was still there when it came their turn to pick, they’d take him. He was happy about that, since that meant he and Alex would both be out in California, but it also meant he didn’t really have anything to worry about. He’d be getting picked in the first round no matter what.

“And with the ninth overall pick, the Anaheim Ducks are proud to select, from the U.S. National Program, Trevor Zegras.” Trev looks up, almost shocked to hear his own name. He stands up, a goofy grin on his face. I stand with him, pulling him into a hug.

“Trev, I’m so proud of you! This is our dream! Now go!” He pulls away and goes to Mom and Dad, pulling them both into a hug. He finally escapes the row and heads down the stairs to the stage, the big grin never leaving his face. I take a Snapchat of him pulling the Anaheim jersey over his head and shaking hands with the general manager. I caption it ‘Proud of my Bubs❤️’ and post it. Soon, after what seems like hours of watching boy after boy get called up, teammate after teammate of the boys getting drafted, we are finally dismissed and get to go meet up with the boys. We head to the family waiting area and see the boys, all huddled in a group, waiting for us. Madi and I take turns hugging each of them. Jack suddenly pulls me away and kisses me. He kisses me, tongue automatically slipping into my mouth. After what seemed like no time, he pulled away.

“Sorry, I had to finish that from earlier. But anyways, the boys wanna go out. But we don’t have to. I know we had...plans.” He says, very obviously squeezing my ass as his arm sneaks around my waist. I smirk as I see Trev’s face, who obviously saw what Jack did. Surprisingly, he doesn’t come to say anything.

“I’d rather go home. I’m kinda tired plus, I really want it.” I say, “accidentally” brushing my hand against the inside of Jack’s thigh as I turn around to face him. Trev sees that too and finally does come over.

“Seriously you two! What is your deal? Our parents are literally right there! Why not just walk over and tell them you’re leaving to go have sex?” He says, attempting to keep his voice quiet but Madi and Alex still hear and excuse themselves from Alex’s parents, making their way over to us.

“Good lord Trev, keep your voice down! Besides, we all know you’ve been texting some girl all night trying to get her to come hook up with you when y’all go out.” Alex says, elbowing Trev. His face flames red and I almost want to put an end to the embarrassment he’s suffering on his big night but after what he said, I decide not to.

“Okay no need to expose me like that and it was one, okay two girls. So leave me alone.” He says, crossing his arms. We all laugh and Trev’s signature grin returns to his face.

“Okay kids, I need pictures.” Alex’s mom says, coming over and bursting our little bubble. Jack’s hand, which was safely in mine somehow escapes and travels back down to its original place. I roll my eyes and elbow him in the side. His hand goes away and instead, he wraps his arms around my shoulders. He’s going through a phase where he always has to be touching me, no matter how. From his hand in mine to playing with my hair, he’s always touching me. And I’m 100% okay with it.

“I want the boys first then we can do the couples and Charlie and Trev.” Turcs’ mom is a family photographer and really successful in Island Lake, where they’re from. Jack is in the middle, Alex on his left, Trev on his right. They all have the most genuine smiles on their faces. I pull Madi over to the giant NHL draft logo on the wall and we take a few selfies in front of it.

“Charlie, you know that boy is in love with you, right?” She says, glancing up at Jack and nudging me. I look up and catch him staring. I smile and he winks. My stomach drops and I get butterflies.

“Yeah I know, Mads. And I’m in love with him.” I say, smiling and hugging my best friend.

#nhl story #jack hughes #nhl imagine #hockey players #hockey #nhl #nhl writing #nhl draft

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toffee-hammer · 2 years

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Okay, just finished all of Horizon Zero Dawn including Frozen Wilds. Total playtime with every side quest completed (and a lot of screwing around): 62 hours.

Apparently Forbidden West is out tomorrow which didn’t really factor into my decision to finally play Zero Dawn. I only realized just how close the sequel’s release is after I went and watched all the trailers for it earlier today. Just kind of a funny coincidence. Either way it doesn’t matter all that much because I most likely won’t get a chance to play Forbidden West for a while since I don’t own a PS4/PS5. It took over 3 years for Zero Dawn to hit Steam and even longer for them to fix the many problems the PC port had on release so unless I manage to bum a playstation off somebody it seems like I’ll be in for a long wait.

Through some kind of miracle I managed to go into Zero Dawn completely blind. I didn’t even really try to avoid spoilers. I just didn’t actively go looking for them and somehow, despite it being a super popular game that’s been out for over 5 years, I didn’t stumble across anything. Or maybe I did and just lacked context so it didn’t stick in my brain? If that’s the case and my forgetfulness allowed me to play through this game’s story without knowing anything about it then I’m grateful for it (for once). I’m not sure I’ll be so lucky for Forbidden West though.

Anyway, I’ve heard people talking about this game and how great it is for years but I wasn’t even a little bit ready. Genuinely one of the best videogames I’ve ever played.

Aloy is a fantastic protag and Ashly Burch totally knocked it out of the park with her. I made a post like a week ago about how great it is that Aloy is so compassionate and heroic but also she’s just so clearly tired of people’s shit and thankfully that continues for basically the entire game.

I’d love to say I called it with Aloy being a clone of Elisabet Sobeck but in retrospect it was kind of obvious. The whole thing with Elisabet and Aloy was one of my favourite things about the story. About ANY story probably. My guess was that Aloy was Elisabet’s clone but I thought she would have also transferred her mind into Aloy and over the course of the game she’d remember who she was and what she had to do but I actually like what they went with way better.

I don’t think I’ve ever been as messed up by a videogame cutscene than when Aloy went to find Elisabet’s body at the end. When she finds that little model of the Earth in Elisabet’s hand and you see her clutch the thing to her chest and look so happy to have something that belonged to her you remember that, even though she’s kept up with all this sci-fi nonsense incredibly well, at the end of the day she’s still a 19 year old tribal girl who just wanted to know more about her mom. The answers turn out to be way more complicated than she could have ever imagined but she essentially discovers that her mother, despite having died a thousand years ago and never knowing she would ever exist, was possibly the most heroic person in the history of the human race and someone she gains a deep admiration for. That final audio log where Elisabet describes what she would have wanted her hypothetical daughter to be like is basically the closest Aloy is probably ever going to get to her mother telling her she’s proud of her. Fuck, I’m tearing up just thinking about it.

I’m sort of conflicted. Part of me wants this to be more or less the last we hear of Elisabet. It’s incredibly bittersweet but it works really well. On the other hand part of me has fucking IDEAS about what kind of involvement she could have in future games. The story enjoyer in me knows it’s probably best to keep references to Elisabet to a few more audio logs and perhaps some secondhand information when Aloy finally meets GAIA but the emotional wreck that constitutes most of my being after finishing this game wants Aloy and Elisabet to meet regardless of what the story would have to do to make that happen goddammit. I like the idea of Ted Faro being so consumed with guilt that he made an AI of Elisabet without her consent just so he would have somebody to tell him what happened wasn’t his fault while he lived out his remaining days in his personal bunker. When Aloy eventually goes to Thebes for whatever reason she’ll find this AI and...that’s about as far as I’ve gotten with that. Maybe she’ll put it in her focus and it’ll tag along for the rest of the game? I don’t know what I want but I know that I want it, okay?

I feel like the way the story deals with Ted Faro is a little weird sometimes. I mean this shithead greedy CEO of the biggest corporation on Earth causes the extinction of all life on the planet and...nobody seems to care that much? Like, they obviously care that the world is ending but not really that this fucker was responsible. Elisabet tells him she won’t spread the word that it was all his fault if he pays for Operation Zero Dawn but...the genocidal robots have HIS logo on them and everybody calls it “the Faro Plague”, right? I was expecting (hoping) to find an audio log where an angry mob breaks into his house and beats him to death but nope. Right up until he deletes APOLLO and murders the Zero Dawn team leaders it feels like you’ve got this guy who literally ended the world and...everyone is just slightly annoyed at him for it. It’s very strange. I hate him but I also kind of hope he’s somehow still alive so I can kill him myself? Whether he’s a shriveled old corpse hooked up to life support or a bunch of clones I’m not picky. Blast sling’s ready to go either way.

After watching a bunch of the promotional stuff for Forbidden West I’m thinking there's a good chance they’ll include some kind of romance system. Nothing major probably. Just “choose these dialogue options and it changes some cutscene things”. I’m not opposed but if that’s true I hope it’s not just a case of “choose between Erend and Varl” with them being the two dudes helping Aloy do her thing who get to be on the box art. Nothing against either of my boys but if romance is something they’re doing in the sequel then they had better include Petra as an option or I’ll be upset (especially considering she’s the only one who actually flirts with Aloy in the trailers). Or they could just not do romance stuff at all. That’s good too.

I was super super impressed at the amount of voice acting in the game. I’ve seen so many games aim real high but then they scrimp on voice acting. Horizon Zero Dawn on the other hand has Aloy comment on nice views when you point her at them. Did Ashly Burch just live in the VA booth for a while?

Daemonic Scorchers can eat my entire ass. I’d rather fight five Thunderjaws at once than one of those things.

I know HADES and HEPHAESTUS both want Aloy dead but I hope at least one of the other AI’s is friendly. Possibly MINERVA (since her whole purpose was to stop Faro’s robots) or DEMETER (who was probably responsible for the metal flowers + maybe the flowers around Elisabet’s resting place)? Although Forbidden West keeps hyping underwater exploration so possibly POSEIDON?

I absolutely adore the part where Sylens assumes Aloy thinks the world is flat and she’s just immediately like “bitch what kind of dumbass idiot would think that?”.

I may have only been playing on normal mode but the shield-weaver outfit makes the ending sequences of the game so easy. I know you spend basically the whole game trying to get your hands on it but it’s so worth it. I like that they’re apparently making it the starting outfit for Forbidden West (minus the shield generator).

I remember being a little bit disappointed that you didn’t get to fight a Metal Devil as the final boss but I totally understand why. According to all the old world lore those things are supposed to be able to create machines faster than anyone can kill them so if one of them woke up it’d probably be game over no matter how many arrows you shoot at it. I can see a heavily damaged Metal Devil whose fabrication functions aren’t all the way online so it can only pop out a handful of adds for you to fight making a good boss for a future game though.

#horizon zero dawn

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eldritchamy · 3 years

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I watched “Happiest Season” and no it fucking wasn’t.

Here’s a review so you don’t have to suffer like I did: if I wasn’t watching it as the host of a movie night, I would not have made it past 20-30 minutes in.

It was very uncomfortable to watch. I feel like I just spent two hours on a plane with a crying baby. Except the baby was a homophobic rich white Republican that I was forced to campaign for. All of the people I watched it with, including myself, found it stressful, anxiety inducing, and deeply unpleasant. The first thing I did when it was over was warn my best friend not to watch it.

90% of the movie is rich white straight people drama forcing lesbians into the closet. It’s not fun. It’s not happy. It wasn’t enjoyable. At all. Watching this was an uncompromisingly depressing and miserable experience.

It was marketed as a romantic comedy and it was neither of those things. I feel repressed for having seen it.

Every relationship in this movie is toxic and hard to watch, with the sole exception of two other characters who aren’t part of the family both having much better chemistry with Kristen Stewart’s character than her girlfriend.

Aubrey Plaza playing Gay Aubrey Plaza one of two redeeming things in the movie and she’s in it for about ten minutes, and even one of her scenes was hard for me to sit through (the awkward and dubiously written drag bar scene) The other 90 minutes are agonizingly drawn out and unbearable.

If you are determined to support this movie because god knows we need more (and MUCH better) representation and we live in a hellscape where money is the only way to ask for such things, press play on it and then take out your headphones and go read a book instead until it’s over.

For your own sake please do not watch this.

I genuinely can’t tell who it’s even FOR. If anything about this movie resonates with you, I am SORRY to hear that, because you are probably the lesbian daughter of a very rich white man running for office as a Republican, and watching any of the rich housewife reality shows probably gives you PTSD because those are the kind of people you grew up with.

And even IF that is the case, spare yourself the trauma of watching your own life and watch something else instead. This movie will only hurt you.

Nothing about the experience of seeing this was worth it.

Plot spoilers ahead.

The plot is as follows:

Abby (Kristen Stewart) loves her girlfriend Harper (Mackenzie Davis). But she does not love Christmas. After a night out together, Harper asks her to join her when she visits her family for the holidays. Abby says yes, and gets her gay male friend John (that guy from Schitt’s Creek) to cover pet sitting for her. While running a few errands with him, she goes to pick up an engagement ring which looks completely unattainable for a woman who makes a living as a pet sitter.

When they are almost to Harper’s family’s home, she awkwardly brings up that she lied about coming out to them earlier in the year. They still don’t know she’s gay and they have to make sure the family is perfect and scandal free because her dad is running for mayor or something and one of his donors? campaign manager? is going to be there. So they have to pretend Abby is her straight roommmate. They fight about it before Abby very reluctantly agrees. This is a pattern that repeats until Abby can’t take any more.

The family is like upper-class-Republican terrible. They are AWFUL people. The parents treat their children like trophies in a display case, and the children all feel forced into brutal competition with each other to see who the parents will actually be proud of. One of Harper’s sisters (Jane) is actually an okay person who does nothing wrong, but she’s an aspiring writer who has spent 10 years not finishing her book and she’s played like she belongs in a different movie, and it feels like she’s meant to be seen as the useless layabout sibling, in a cruelly funny way.

The other sister is a nightmare of a woman (Sloane? I think?) played by a completely unrecognizable Allison Brie. She’s a lawful evil cutthroat monster who is straight up VICIOUS to the other two, and is especially terrible to Harper, because neither of them even see Jane as competition. Her own family is the thing she uses to try to be worthy of her parents’ pride and affection.

The dad is focused entirely on his campaign and is more or less indifferent to all of them unless they aren’t “presentable” and “scandal free” enough to keep his potential donor/campaign manager satisfied, in which case he “expects better of them” until they behave. The children are like 30.

The mom is maybe the worst of all of them. She’s invasive, ignorant in that forceful way where she doesn’t give a shit about anything except her own bubble of reality that she thinks she’s living in and blows past any contradiction to it like it’s not even there, nitpicky about what everyone’s doing, is willfully out of touch with everything she’s told (Abby’s parents died when she was 19, and she spends the movie acting like she thinks Abby grew up in an orphanage made of dirt and never had a Christmas before). And she will not leave the two of them alone. She insists it’s ridiculous for two grown women to share a bedroom and gives Abby a room without a lock in a basement that’s bigger than my whole house, while Harper’s room is upstairs. Everyone is constantly barging into Abby’s room with less than two seconds of notice, which leads to the kind of tension and awkwardness you’d expect. The first morning, Abby wakes up to Sloane’s children staring at her.

Abby is clearly MISERABLE. And so are you, because you’re watching this movie. Abby and Harper are constantly pushed apart by the family, and Harper pushes Abby away while pretending to be perfect and straight for her family.

Her family invited Harper’s ex boyfriend, who thinks they should rekindle things. Super fun thing that I always love to see in my lesbian media.

While out at dinner, Abby and Harper have another mini fight in the bathroom. Harper promises she had no idea Connor(?) was going to be there and that there won’t be any more surprises. They walk out of the bathroom, right into Harper’s OTHER ex, her first girlfriend Riley (Aubrey Plaza, who literally just plays herself and is the only good thing about the movie).

This is the first 20 minutes.

There’s a party that leaves Abby feeling isolated and pushed away. She goes outside to make a phone call. She makes regular texts and phone calls to John for support and advice throughout the movie. He’s terrible at taking care of fish, but he’s genuinely a good friend to her and it’s clear he cares about her a lot. It’s probably unfair not to say his friendship is the second redeeming thing in the movie. After Abby gets off the phone with him the first time, Riley comes out from around the corner and tries to be nice, saying she could relate to what she’s going through. Abby kind of closes off from her and she takes the hint without any fuss and leaves her alone.

The movie slogs on with compounding stress and anxiety and a moment when Abby is LITERALLY forced to hide in a closet and pretend she was sleepwalking on her way to Harper’s bedroom at night. It MIGHT have been an attempt at a joke? I’m genuinely not sure because I did not come close to laughing once in the entire 100 minutes of this nightmare. Harper instead sneaks into Abby’s room while she’s awkwardly trying to get away from Harper’s mom. That’s where the gifs of the sneak-snuggle from behind the door come from. Enjoy the gifs because everything that wasn’t giffed is not worth seeing. Harper spends the night there.

Bright and early, Harper’s mom comes knocking on the door, trying to open it and barge in again but Abby blocked the door with something heavy claiming it was to “keep her from sleepwalking again” (her excuse for being in the closet) while Harper frantically gets almost-dressed and hides behind the door as BOTH parents come to bother them, and the evil sister’s children see her partially dressed through the crack in the door.

Later that day Abby has to go shopping for a present for the “White Elephant” Harper didn’t warn her about. She bumps into Sloane at the mall, who dumps her kids off on her before quickly leaving. The kids very intentionally frame Abby for shoplifting by putting a necklace in her bag, and there’s a really awkward and uncomfortable scene with her being interrogated by overly forceful mall cops who are yelling at her. When she finally gets back to the house, Harper’s entire family now thinks she’s a criminal.

Abby spends the night alone during another (campaign?) party that Harper told her she’d probably be happier getting left out of, and she bumps into Riley on the street and gets to talking with her, still more frustrated by Harper and her family. She says she needs some alcohol, Riley takes her to a drag bar which gave me really bad vibes and bonds with her there, telling her a bit about her relationship with Harper. They dated secretly (obviously) in their first year of high school (which implies she knew she was gay before she dated Connor, and used him as a cover). They would sneak each other romantic notes. When someone found one in Harper’s locker, she threw Riley under the bus completely, outed her, and said she was obsessed with her so she could go on pretending to be straight. They bond a bit and seem like they could be friends, at a minimum. They have a few more scenes together over the next hour (yeah there’s still that much movie left, and if you’re wondering how it could be that bad, you’re welcome for the warning, because I was wondering that too) and they have better chemistry than Abby and Harper by miles.

Eventually Abby becomes so miserable she checks the movie-specific version of Uber to try to go home by herself, but it’s running at holiday rates so it would cost over $1000 for her to leave. She’s still tempted to do it, and calls John again for advice and says she feels awful, completely alone, and with no way out of this horrible situation. He gives her some more friendly support.

Abby still needs a White Elephant gift, but has no way to go by herself because Harper drove them there. So she calls Riley to go with her. They spend a day hanging out together while Harper is doing some other thing with her dad’s campaign, and Abby makes text excuses to Harper, who then immediately sees Riley and Abby walking by on the street together. Before she gets a chance to run out and say something, she gets interrupted by something I thankfully don’t remember (I long for the moment this is true of the rest of it).

Riley and Abby bond some more but nothing romantic happens. The plot only wants them to be good friends, even though their chemistry is really good.

At the end of the day Abby comes in and Harper immediately almost starts a fight with her but they get interrupted again somehow.

I have willed most of the next 20 minutes out of my mind, apparently.

There’s yet another party at this gigantic house because I hate the rich, Abby and Riley talk more. This is the one with the really gay outfit. Abby admits to Riley that she was planning on proposing to Harper, but at this point it’s like she’s a completely different person and she can’t tell who the real Harper is. Riley says it’s probably both of them.

SURPRISE JOHN IS HERE. He comes in the front door and calls for Abby. After Abby’s last phone call he arranged for his therapist to do the pet sitting and he drove all the way here just so he could take her home. Seriously, John has incredible Good Friend Energy. Yet more awkwardness ensues, while John mixes some awkward flirting with Connor into his poor attempt to come off as straight. Abby then walks right up to Harper, says “we’re done” and goes to grab some things to leave. Harper follows her into the room and tries to get her to stay, Abby says she can’t take the hiding and the general misery, the whole experience has been terrible and she’s not sure if Harper is the person she thought she was. Harper argues for her to stay and says she’s caught between being afraid of losing her family if she comes out and knowing she’ll lose Abby if she doesn’t. She promises to come out to them as soon as the holidays are over because Abby is more important to her. They kiss briefly and realize Sloane is in the doorway.

Sloane tries to run to tell the rest of the family because burning Harper’s reputation forever means she’ll be the one their parents love most. They fight in the many hallways of this stupidly enormous rich people house (this is when “Stay out of it, Sappho” happens) and on the way to ruin her sister’s life Sloane finds her husband making out with another ....campaign person? in the pantry and or closet which is big enough to fit two people inside. Now Harper has something to use against Sloane. This family is fucking horrible. Sloane gets to where everyone else is first, and outs Harper.

Harper tries to swear she’s not gay, and sees Abby watching her. She silently turns and walks out the door with John. Harper then grabs a giant painting that Jane spent 100 hours on for the white elephant and smashes it over Sloane’s head and yells at her before falling apart.

Abby and John have another heartfelt conversation where John asks how she came out to her parents, and she said they loved and supported her. Then he said his dad kicked him out on the street and didn’t talk to him for thirteen years. He says everyone’s story is different, and Harper was still going through hers, and it was a hard one. I THINK he acknowledges that if Abby doesn’t feel like she belongs in that story, she shouldn’t force herself to? But that might have been wishful hindsight. Abby comes back into the house to grab her things and leave, Harper comes out to her family right in front of her, Abby says it was too late and leaves anyway. Harper is crushed and the rest of the family starts to see how fucked up they all are.

And then in the span of 7 fucking minutes the parents realize they were shitty to Sloane and Harper and the only reason Jane turned out okay is because they gave up on her, they give a minimal apology to their children, who also realize they were shitty to each other, and then it’s the next day and Abby is there with them, Harper has the ring on her finger, and everyone is magically happy now because the dad turned down his campaign advisor who said she could still work with him if he kept Harper’s “problem” a secret.

Jane’s book becomes a best seller and she’s friends with John now, because he was the only person who seemed genuinely interested in her passion. He sits next to her at her book signing. The end.

No, I’m not kidding.

As soon as it was over, I thought, wow that felt like a rushed happy ending that got slapped onto the end with nothing building up to or deserving it.

After further consideration, that gives it too much credit.

Because honestly? after the first hour and thirty five minutes of this hell, Abby and Harper being together at the end is not even something I would consider a happy ending. I wasn’t satisfied at all. It DEFINITELY felt like Abby ending up with Riley would have been a better movie.

If I had been told beforehand that a lesbian romcom starring Kristen Stewart and Mackenzie Davis, and featuring Aubrey Plaza as Gay Aubrey Plaza would have been an absolutely miserable experience that was hard to sit through and nothing but unpleasant to watch, I would probably have been shocked and disappointed.

But at least I would have not seen this movie. That is my gift to you. Please do NOT watch this.

It was marketed as a romantic comedy and it lived up to neither of those claims. Absolutely terrible movie. The happiest season of all is one where you don’t watch this stressful, uncomfortable disaster.

#eldritchreviews

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