#I also feel like I need to point out that yes I know Gaius being a good dad IS a retcon introduced in ShB and the Werlyt Raids

[witchloversupreme]

If you take a step back and really look at them, Gaius (in ARR, at least) and Edmont are actually pretty interesting foils for each other, because one is a deeply, deeply awful person who is an incredible father, while the other is one of the most moral and kind people on the planet who's given all of his kids massive, incredibly self-destructive complexes.

Like, Gaius genuinely adores all his children, even Livia, despite her incredibly disturbing fixation on him, and is very obviously gutted by the idea that they'd go to war without him to protect them, while Edmont very clearly only cared about Haurchefant, foisting all the First Born Son responsibilities on Artoirel but giving him absolutely none of the respect, and hardly remembering that Emmanellain even exists save to scold him.

Hell, even Haurchefant, even though he was the favorite, didn't get particularly better treatment because of Countess Fortemps (incredibly understandable) hatred of him, which led to Haurche becoming self-destructively self-sacrificing to try and get at least a little of the respect he deserves from his peers, and eventually lead to his death at The Vault.

#Its important to note that I'm not making any moral judgment towards people who really like either Gaius or or Edmont #They're both fantastically written characters with well done arcs that I'm happy to see whenever they show up in MSQ or side content #I also feel like I need to point out that yes I know Gaius being a good dad IS a retcon introduced in ShB and the Werlyt Raids #but it doesn't really change my point at all #Anyway #The Fortemps family is a cocktail of mental illness and I'm sad we never get to meet Countess Fortemps to learn just how fucked up SHE was #FFXIV #edmont fortemps #haurchefant greystone #artoirel de fortemps #emmanellain de fortemps #heavensward #shadowbringers #gaius van baelsar

[cerastes]

What are some of the greatest/most impressive feats of strength in Arknights’s story?

Taking the overall narrative and worldbuilding into account, I believe the most effective aspect of Arknights' narrative is that they managed to make Terra feel like a breathing, living world and setting instead of a vehicle for the point-of-view character to exist in and act upon. This is specially remarkable for a mobile gacha game, as settings in these tend to be exactly that sort of vehicle instead of world that give any hints of existing when outside the player's immediately vision. The way I like to think about it is, "if a tree fell somewhere in this setting while my intended point-of-view or self-insert character isn't there to see it, did it make a sound?”. In Arknights, Girls' Frontline and SIGH Epic Seven (credit where it's due), the answer feels like a yes to me, whereas in every other game of this kind, it feels like a no, if you know what I mean.

This is intrinsically tied to the cast of characters: It is an inevitability that games where a guiding principle is to release an immense number of characters throughout its lifetime will have characters that will never have any relevance whatsoever besides existing as a minor piece in the world, and Arknights is not immune to this. Even other works of a different base nature and with a much smaller casts will be victims to this: In Trails of Cold Steel, for example, you have a pretty big cast of playable characters, some of which are very well developed and have a lot of screentime and development, and others who are Gaius Worzel. However, this leads to two aspects of Arknights as a narrative and as a game telling a story and fleshing out a world that I appreciate:

The first is that those characters that do get used, are for the overwhelming majority fun and interesting to see and accompany throughout their narrative, and rarely for me, I include the usual point-of-view character in this, Doctor. I tend to have a pretty big dislike, if not disdain, for characters you're meant to self-insert into, I sincerely cannot stand them. Doctor definitely has a big of a self-insert nature to them, but there's also a lot of the Doctor that is actually pre-established, such as them being a weirdo, tending to be very effective but also causing troublesome aftermaths that others then have to clean up, and being particularly good at bonding with assassins and underworld types, among other things. More importantly, Doctor is not present in most side-stories. This is fantastic and leads to the second aspect I appreciate.

This second aspect is that the cast has legs to stand on without needing the protagonist or POV character. You'd think this is a problem mostly limited to gacha games due to their usually flimsy narratives and structures, right? Except, this is actually a huge problem in pretty much every corner of narrative art! I can think of countless comics, manga, cartoons, anime, light novels, novels, and much more, eastern and western, that just tend to have worlds and casts that center entirely around the protagonist, for the protagonist. Whether it be a US author writing out their post-apocalyptic hoarder fantasy or a Japanese author detailing the trials and tribulations of a relatable nobody that a myriad of girls want to have sex with, and even some other pieces of art perhaps not so comically easy to make fun of, it's a consistent aspect of them that the protagonist is the center of the universe, both in terms of events and what the rest of cast thinks about, talks about, and takes action upon. Obviously, this results, in my opinion, in weak worlds and weak casts that have no legs to stand on. I appreciate that even without Doctor around, Arknights does a good job of having protagonists of their own little stories in the side stories: Olivia Silence is a joy to follow when she takes the lead in a Rhine Lab story, Kroos has been one of my favorite characters to be able to experience events through with the Sui stories, Skadi and the Abyssal Hunters are exciting to watch in Abyssal Hunter stories, and the latest event as of the writing of this post filled me inspiration, seeing Reed star in a character piece that tells us more about someone so immensely reticent to open up. It's by having interesting world events occurring throughout Terra that don't have the input of Doctor, and thus lets us see more and more of this huge cast of characters taking the lead that I think is a fascinating experience for me as a reader that keeps things fresh. It's even allowed me to come to appreciate characters I initially didn't care about, such as Bagpipe and Magallan, and see, in most games of this nature, if I don't care about a character frame one, it's probably going to stay that way because, well, if I didn't care about what their limited assortment of pre-cooked lines had to sell me on, then I'm likely not going to care about that character likely not showing me a new aspect of themselves impactful enough to change my mind in an event they'll likely just be an accessory to.

It's upon this base that I think Arknights stays interesting and fresh: A solid foundation that I can agree with and that keeps things dynamic and interesting. Specific events and story beats that I think are interesting are a natural result of these baseline aspects, but it all traces back to the cradle, to these baseline aspects that facilitate those cool narratives in the first place.

#arknights #sanspapyrus683

[adhd-merlin]

Merlin S1 rewatch: episode 5

here we go! again!!

today we are watching the Lancelot episode. just a few random comments because. I am so very sleepy and I deleted the first draft by accident.

A nice little episode all in all. Nice set up for an incredibly sexy recurring character. Some nice foreshadowing. What's not to like?

• I like how this episode opens. Merlin picking mushrooms, looking so baby. Eyes full of awe and wonder. Looking like... like he's never seen a mushroom in his life, in fact. Anyway, something very cottagecore about this. Fairy vibes.

• Also he's scarfless? For much (most?) of the episode? It looks like early in the series they weren’t so obsessively attached to Merlin’s neckerchief as part of his character design

• I love how Merlin doesn’t even try to use magic against the Griffin. He just falls on his back, shuts his eyes and goes, “Welp, guess I'll die”

• HOW DID MERLIN CARRY LANCELOT BACK TO CAMELOT

• “Ever since I was a child I've dreamed of coming here. It's my life's ambition to join the knights of Camelot.” -> Guy who's spent his whole life dreaming about becoming a knight of Camelot doesn’t know the first thing about the job requirements

• (No but really, the funniest thing about this episode for me is Lancelot’s utter shock at finding out only noblemen can be knights. That's, like. The first thing about the knights of Camelot, it seems like. You’d think he would have done some basic research beforehand. But that's also how I apply to jobs so I won't make fun of him too much)

• Merlin is such a hype man, “LANCELOT THEY'RE GOING TO LOVE YOU!!” This is literally what he says! He’s adorable.

• Merlin's acting like a kid who's found a stray puppy on the side of the road and is trying to convince his dad to keep him. “He’s great, you’ll love him, I promise. He won’t be any trouble I’ll walk him every day”

• MERLIN: “He's saved my life” / ARTHUR: “That's blown it for starters” -> ARTHUR IS FUNNY. I just feel the need to point out that Arthur is funny, actually. Especially when he’s being a cunt.

• MERLIN: “You're not a nobleman by any chance, are you?” / LANCE: “haha, good lord, no” -> someone didn’t read the job description 👀

• The way Gaius pointedly glares at Merlin after telling Lancelot he’s sorry he can’t be a knight… Like, he knows his son might be tempted to do something stupid about it (commit crime)

• I did not remember Lancelot’s tragic Origin Story!

When I was a boy, my village was attacked by raiders from the northern plains. They were slaughtered where they stood, my father, my mother. Everyone. I alone escaped. I vowed that day that never again would I be helpless in the face of tyranny. I made sword craft my life. Every waking hour since that day, I devoted to the art of combat, and when I was ready, I set forth for Camelot.

"Every waking hour since that day, I devoted to the art of combat" -> Yeah that sounds like a sane and healthy way of dealing with the trauma of losing both your parents and your entire village in one go, well done my boy

• Merlin looks SO proud of his little fraud scheme! BE GAY DO CRIME

• Seriously he is such an instigator! He says, “DAMN THE RULES, THE RULES ARE WRONG”! But he can see Lancelot’s obvious reluctance so he’s like, “We're not breaking the rules, we're bending them” HE’S SO SNEAKY I LOVE HIM

• This is such a basic narrative trope (if it even is a trope) but I love first meetings of characters who are going to become famously important to one another. I'm talking, like, Holmes and Dr. Watson. Or yes, Merlin and future King Arthur. There’s just something about it that I find delightful. "They don’t even know!! They have no idea. But I do!" This is about Gwen and Lancelot.

• Such a cute Meet Cute™. I love the way it plays with what we know is going to happen. Even if we don’t exactly know how it's going to happen in the series, Guinevere and Lancelot’s romance is the stuff of legends. I love their obvious and immediate mutual attraction. The slight awkwardness. The foreshadowing! “I'm not a knight yet, my lady” / “And I’m not a lady.” NO YET, BUT YOU WILL BE!! AAAAAH

• I didn’t pay much attention to it the first time I watched this episode but Lancelot speaks in such a formal, lofty way compared to everyone else. He literally sounds like he walked out of a book of chivalric romance. "I faced it myself, Sire. Some days past. I struck it full square. I wondered how it endured"; "Arthur stands in mortal peril", like WHO TALKS LIKE THIS. BE NORMAL. But it never crosses the line into being obnoxious, and I love how his character is defined through his speech as well as by his behaviour. Well done, writers.

• LANCELOT: "Are you two...you know" -> Lancelot wastes no time in checking if Gwen is on the market. GOOD FOR HIM. (I like how Merlin finds the idea of dating Gwen literally laughable. Bit harsh, that).

• “She seems lovely. Guinevere.” / “Oh, yeah. Yeah, she is. And the best seamstress in Camelot, I promise” -> MERLIN THIS MAN DOES NOT CARES ABOUT GWEN'S SKILL AS A SEAMSTRESS OPEN YOUR EYES YOU SILLY CHILD

• (But no, to be fair to him, he did notice)

• Arthur just... just BITCH-SLAPPING Lancelot out of the blue is actually hilarious. He's a comedian and he doesn't even know it.

• Merlin still acts like a bit of a teenager with Gaius in this ep. When Gaius discovers his forgery of the seal of nobility, Merlin tells him, “if you wanna punish me for it, go ahead” and then walks off! I’m sorry, this is a teenager acting out against his dad.

• Merlin does seem to be still testing boundaries with Gaius, but in a way that's an obvious request for reassurance, too – later in the episode he asks him: “Do you even care what happens to me?” (!!) And back in episode 1x02, when Gaius said, "What do I do if you get caught?", Merlin asked: "what would you do?" Insecure teen behaviour. Please Gaius just tell him you love him!! (He does tell him here, thank God).

• The broomstick fight scene. Much has been said about it already. The rituals are, indeed, intricate. Something so homoerotic about Arthur’s attempts to poke Lancelot in the chest with his stick. What I want to know is – did they know? Did they know when they were filming it that it would look like this. Like, was it deliberate

• @sapphickittykatherine it’s not much but there are some hints of Morlance in this ep. During Lancelot’s knighting scene, Morgana looks at him with obvious interest and asks “Who is this man?” And also later at his celebration (I’ll get to it).

The celebration scene! I love it! I’m gonna break it down into parts:

• “You played God, Merlin" -> I like this line. I think Gaius put his finger on an important character trait of Merlin’s here. He always means well, but he can be manipulative and controlling. Not so much here, perhaps, but it does emerge more in later eps.

• Not Arthur looking at Morgana with incestuous intent 💀💀💀

• “Tell me, do you think her...beautiful?” / “Yes, Sire. I do.” -> Another favourite trope of mine – two characters talking to each other but having two entirely different conversations. A bit like that cursed scene in the Disir, and with Arthur just as much oblivious (actually, could someone tell the poor guy what's going on. just once)

• Meanwhile, Morgana’s making sexy eyes at Lancelot while biting into a… cherry? I can’t tell. Some kind of sexually-connoted fruit, that’s for sure. I love how she also looks murderous while doing it. Praying mantis energy.

• Merlin and Gwen’s conversation is so cute. I’ve said it before but it’s giving girlie-and-her-gay-best-friend vibes. Look at them! They are a woman and her gay friend sitting in a bar, exchanging notes about the men around them. Over drinks. The way Merlin encourages Gwen to commit mischief too! “OH YOU ARE NO FUN GWEN. COME ON, JUST PLAY ALONG. WHO WOULD YOU RATHER F—”

• Arthur or Lancelot? I think I know what Merlin’s answer would be. At least at this point in the series. (Hint: it's not Arthur).

• “I think our Sir Lancelot might have eyes for you, Gwen” -> Merlin playing matchmaker already. I love that he’s noticed, and that he’s trying to push these two together because LOVE MUST TRIUMPH. He’s such a romantic.

~ END OF THE CELEBRATION SCENE ~

• Oooh no, Lancelot’s ruse has been discovered, SIR YOU’RE UNDER ARREST

• “You are not worthy of the knighthood bestowed upon you. You never were. And you never will be” -> possibly the worst thing anyone could’ve said to Lancelot, SIR PLEASE STOP YOU’RE BREAKING HIM. CAN’T YOU SEE HE’S ABOUT TO CRY.

• All I can think about when I see gifs of Merlin talking to imprisoned Lancelot is, “it’s okay hun”

• It’s interesting to see S1 Uther so unwilling to accept that the creature they’re trying to defeat might be magic when later in the series he will relish the chance of accusing anything and anyone of being magic. ...Growth?

(The bisexuality of this scene. Off the charts.)

• It seems to me like they were setting up Lancelot to be more of an important character that he ended up being? I mean, he was important, just by virtue of being Lancelot, but he was in a grand total of 6 episodes. But, I love that we can see Arthur’s obvious attachment (for lack of a better word) to him already. A bit like with Gwen and Lancelot, it hints at what’s to come – he is destined to become Arthur’s favourite knight (I know people like to say that it's Leon, but I think it was Lance. And after Lancelot's death it was Mordred, eventually. If you must know.) I love it, foreshadowing. You can feel the future hanging heavy in the air.

• I didn’t remember that Gwen and Lancelot met again and she begged him not to go and I think they should have kissed here

• It’s so funny that while Merlin’s trying to master the spell to defeat the Griffin, Gaius goes, “Don't worry Merlin, we have plenty of time” GAIUS NO YOU LITERALLY HAVE LESS THAN 2 HOURS

• Actually this is a thing Gaius does a lot, telling Merlin he can make it when the chances of success are pretty slim, which on one hand is very sweet, like I get it he's being a supportive dad, but on the other hand it's also... setting Merlin up to be HUGELY DISAPPOINTED if he fails? I don't know, just something I've noticed in other eps.

• The scene of Lancelot killing the Griffin is actually pretty cool? I like the glowing blue spear (how did Merlin think Lancelot wasn’t going to notice) and THE SOUNDTRACK!!

• Merlin's PURE JOY after Lancelot's killed the Griffin is SO adorable, you just feel so happy for him. YES BABY YOU DID IT!!

• I love the parallel “You did it!” scenes with Arthur & Lancelot, Gaius & Merlin, and Arthur & Uther. Very nice, big fan of symmetry

• Gaius’s pride when Merlin comes back victorious is so heartwarming. I’ve said it before but I'll repeat it, Merlin and Gaius’s relationship is possibly my favourite in the show. I think Gaius doesn’t get enough credit for being Merlin’s main source of love and hugs during his Camelot years.

• “The Code bends for no man” / “Then THE CODE IS WRONG!” (!!) -> SAY IT LOUDER MY MAN!! S1 Arthur is so vocal with his father about what he believes is right and wrong, we love to see it

• Lancelot saying he must prove himself worthy of being a knight – of course, he might have been holding the spear that killed the Griffin but he wasn’t the one who actually defeated it, and this will not do. He must now abandon his life-long dream of being a knight and go fight strangers in a cage for money. It’s the only logical next step.

• LANCE I LOVE YOU BUT WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

THE END!!

next episode is... one no one really cares about, but I really really liked it the first time I watched it so. hopefully it will live up to what I remember :3

#there. i've re-written it pretty much. #*me; tears in my eyes* “I do this for fun” #“actually i can just go” < now lives in my head as a lancelot phrase and it cracks me up #you'll find i go on about merlin and gaius quite a bit in these #that's because i love them #they mean a lot to me *taps own bio* #merlin's body count: still 1 #< disappointing actually. like he killed a witch in ep 1 and then 4 eps of nothing. DO BETTER #rewatch1.jls

[cosmic-collective-arc]

i need to dump my merlin thoughts somewhere bc my thoughts are ZOOMING - MERLIN METAPHOR FOR SYSTEM

so lots of people talk abt merlin being a metaphor for being queer and i also mainly see it that way but I also relate to it heavily with being a system. Using special interests help me massively to be able to understand my own thoughts and feelings after years of masking and also having a dissociative idenity disorder which both evaporated my sense of self. This is not in anyway me saying this is the ‘correct’ metaphor i am just relating the show to my experience and how i interpret it :D

(this is kinda venty and also spoilers for merlin)

The main thing is the lying obviously

merlin throughout the show CONSTANTLY had to lie, always to protect himself or others, even to people who know about his magic and people who are magical (e.g. morgana)

I also find us collectively lying constantly, first off, obviously to singlets who have no idea we are a system and would likely not deal with the information well, it’s simply not safe for us to tell every person we meet we’re a system. Having to lie every time you front about who you are is absolutely horrible especially when you have to mask neurodivergence, anger and stress among other things, it’s fucking exhausting and many people who front frequently have to take month long breaks to try and build their sense of self back up and to recover, so much so we try not to let ppl front more than twice a week.

Then with people we know it’s so much more difficult, sometimes members don’t want to tell people they’ve switched (for a variety of reasons from not wanting to be related to their source/seen as their source to getting upset and not wanting people to know there’s been a switch) and then they lie about who they are and have to act like that person to maintain the lie, which is so much more difficult that just our “generic personality”.

And other times where something rly shitty has happened innerworld but you can’t tell anyone bc that would be a breach of an alter’s privacy. Sometimes even within system you can’t talk to anybody about it because you don’t want to spread gossip and cause problems.

Other times where members are so scared of feeling vulnerable they hide under layers of humour and confidence and all that other shit and you can only watch, because it would blow up in your face if you did anything else.

Being so overjoyed over acceptance and meeting somebody the same as you and being disappointed

an example i want to talk about is gaius. Gaius was always rly strange abt merlin’s magic, he was like u should hide ur magic bc u must protect ur life blah blah and then was like nvm use ur magic bc we will die otherwise. He shyed away from the topic of magic often and didn’t rly discuss it unless merlin brought it up or it was important to the situation. And imo it was talked abt quite a lot when gaius first discovered merlin’s magic, but merlin stopped telling him about his magic more and more, thus, merlins magic was discussed less and less.

I feel like a similar thing has happened with us as a system. People who know about us being a system don’t rly talk about it unless we bring it up specifically. We make it easy to find out who is fronting, however it’s rare for us to be called by our own name. Even rarer to have our own prns used for us. And yes, I can rationalise to a point that this is due to people talking to us, therefore typically not having to use our name or pronouns, however when i say rarely i mean extremely rarely, as in we can remember only one instance where someone used alter specific pronouns for us (and that was a while ago). As in, we can only remember an alters name being used a handful of times in the last year. (In fairness our memory is shit but it’s not that shit, bc using correct shit is like a monumental event). But when we first came out as a system, people didn’t shy away from the topic, alter names were used regularly, people made sure to check who was fronting. Hell, one person even shook our hand everyday and would try and guess who was fronting and actually got kinda good at it at some point which was validating asf (and they had made sure to check we were ok with it). But that all stopped and we never understood why, we have even questioned about whether an alter had said something to get them all to stop, but it was gradual so it couldn’t have been that. All in all it gave us a feeling of not being truly seen as a system.

Another example is when arthur found out about merlin’s magic. Merlin had to justify his existence and explain to arthur why he wasn’t evil.

I related this to how lots of pieces of media demonises systems and many systems having to justify that they aren’t, in fact, going to murder anyone or commit some other serious crime.

however, relating it to a more personal experience, we were talking to this new person, let’s call them D. D had casually brought up systems in conversation and the person who was fronting at the time got extremely excited and was asking if they were a system etc etc. Turns out they weren’t a system but their partner was a system. D started talking to us about system stuff and it was quite nice, we were having a great conversation about non human alters and etc. However, D started talking about their partner and was explaining how members in their partner’s sys could be violent and they had had to defend themself at times. Now yes, some systems can have outwardly violent parts but it’s pretty rare, this study shows that DID systems are not that prone to crime . And D kept talking to us about all the things this system had done and we felt the need to explain that no we weren’t outwardly violent, and no we hadn’t attacked anybody and so on.

and then we have kilgharrah, i hate kilgharrah sm. The great dragon was the first magical being merlin had a proper conversation with, and not getting into the whole conversation about how kilgharrah manipulated merlin, because thats not what i’m trying to talk about rn. Merlin went to kilgharrah for advice whenever he faced a problem, which was often, and kilgharrah would give him advice but normally the advice didn’t rly make sense bc merlin didn’t know the future and didn’t have a huge understanding of magic.

We were in a situation where we already knew a system when we had discovered we were a system, and obviously we sought advice from them. And they gave us advice, however as our systems work differently in quite a lot of aspects, a lot of the things that worked for them, had the opposite effect for us. Such as, they switch multiple times a day to not switching for weeks. However, for us having the same person in front for extended periods of time causes disastrous effects for our system. We need to switch pretty frequently or our mental health goes down the gutter and too many switches gives us debilitating headaches. And in their innerworld they use a monetary system, whereas we have completely refused to implement that. Now they didn’t do this on purpose (unlike kilgharrah that ASSHOLE-) but it still caused a lot of problems for a long time until we figured out what we needed.

Feeling seperated

Merlin, imo, also seemed to feel seperated from everyone else due to his magic and probably experienced imposter syndrome. His magic was something to shy away from, something not to be talked about, something to hide, but it’s part of him and it’s not going to go away. He didn’t feel as though he could talk about it to anyone, even people who knew, not gaius, not kilgharrah. He talked about it to lancelot yeah but lancelot didn’t have magic, it wasn’t the same and lancelot didn’t exactly stick around for long.

At times, i feel the only people i can talk about being a system to is my own sysmates, singlets haven’t experienced it, they don’t know what it’s actually like. And the imposter syndrome we experience as a system is horrible, the fact i am literally not who i say i am, i’m a complete and utter liar 90% of the time. Sometimes i feel that i experience life so differently from singlets that it’s difficult to even make conversation, i’m hyper aware of every little thing I am experiencing that singlets don’t. Singlets don’t get surprised when they catch their reflection in the mirror, singlets don’t have times where they are hyper aware about how their body is wrong, singlets don’t forget what their name is and therefore miss their name on the register, singlets don’t have to keep somebody else’s routine because otherwise everything feels off, singlets don’t have alters who have to talk them down from panic attacks, singlets don’t have alters who will point out something stupid or funny a teacher does during a dull class, singlets don’t have to hide their smile when an alter makes a joke but it’s not appropriate to randomly smile.

Extremely mixed emotions

Merlin at times hated his magic, he hated having to hide it, he hated how difficult it made his life, his magic made him suffer so much. But he also cherished it, he didn’t know what he would be without his magic, his magic was a part of him, his magic made him happy. Merlin wouldn’t be alive without his magic.

I could basically just switch out magic for system. At times we hated being a system, we hated having to hide it, we hated how difficult it made our life, how much being a system made us suffer. Being a system can be an extremely difficult situation and really shitty at times.

But it also has good things. We also cherish being a system, we don’t know what we would be if we weren’t a system, being a system is part of us, being a system can make us happy. We wouldn’t be alive if we weren’t a system.

Yes, being a system is difficult and horrible and shitty and we wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but it is also what made us survive. We can give eachother comfort and reassurance when we don’t feel able to reach out to others, we can make eachother smile and laugh and feel better about the world. We can be our own support system when me had none.

#did system #did community #actually did #traumagenic system #endos dni #actually autistic #special interest #did vent #system vent #kind of #i guess #maybe #neurodivergent #actually plural #system stuff #system #bbc merlin #merlin #if any friends see this i promise this is not a personal attack or a jab #i promise we aren’t angry at you or anything #we are just emotioning because of stress #and trying to deal with it

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

Precursor apology for the rambling, I just have Thoughts and I’d love to hear your own about them cause I love the way you think and interpret and handle characters. Feel free to ignore this if it doesn’t actually spark any particular thought/discussion (even disagreement) 😅

I’ve had the thought— do you think Merlin ever gets tired of everyone’s well intentions? Someone pushing him to trust people, to reveal or not reveal magic, to focus on his magic to focus on Arthur, to sleep more or eat better, to confide in people, to learn to defend himself? Not just a weary tiredness of “they mean well, but no” but pushed to the point where he starts to feel like everyone acts like they know him, know everything better (and sometimes, yeah, they do, it’s just a matter of perspective/being nagged one too many times), that turns to serious irritation if not resentment of his friends acting like he’s not “perfectly capable and been dealing with this by himself for years damnit.” In reality we know all of this is from genuine concerns but I can’t imagine that being constantly questioned about his capacity to take care of himself wouldn’t cause some sort of conflict (cause in his head being able to deal with the threats and mess and prophecy and moral quandaries is the same thing, though no Merlin, it really isn’t)

I love you!!!

And yes, I'm in total agreement with you.

First, WITH his magic:

He's got Gaius being condescending and spineless in one ear, demanding he use his magic to help Arthur and Uther and Camelot as a whole, telling him not to trust Kilgharrah or Morgana or Mordred or the Druids, whilst simultaneously telling him that Arthur can never know about his magic. The prophecy specifically says they're equals, two sides of the same coin; I understand not telling him at first, but I honestly think a lot of Merlin's fear comes from Gaius. That's got to be annoying, to constantly be underestimated and demanded of by a man who refused to face his King, and withered under his Genocidal insanity. Then he's got the likes of Lancelot and the Druids in his other ear, telling him that everything will work out ok, whilst... not really giving all that much support. I love Lance, I really do, but he really has no concept of the struggles Merlin faces, and is sort of too wrapped up in his infatuation with Gwen and his loyalty to Arthur to worry about anything else. He might be a good shoulder to cry on, but I also think he probably babies Merlin a LOT, which is understandably frustrating. He tries to force him to take time for himself to sleep or eat or just hang out/relax/rest, when Merlin KNOWS that he can't!! He's essentially got three jobs!! And no, Arthur won't lay off if I just ask him nicely (and no, I DON'T need you asking for me), and no, Gaius won't give me no chores for a week, and no, I can't just leave the Druids to deal with big beasty on their own and have a nap, and no, I can't just warn the guards about the assassin and leave them to it. That's not how any of this works. Yes, Lance means well, but his babying and nagging is, though sweet and loving at first, misinformed and condescending and insufferable after a few months/years of it.

And Kilgharrah is a whole other can of worms, what a dick. Demanding Merlin do this and that, not giving him straight answers, pretending to sympathise with Merlin and be his "kin" whilst also betraying him at basically every opportunity. Between him and Gaius, they make sure Merlin is almost completely and utterly alone.

Gaius' "good intentions" definitely come directly from fear, Lancelot's good intentions come from a lack of understanding, and Kilgharrah's "good intentions" come from a need to control Merlin at every turn. And whether Merlin sees any of this clearly or not, it definitely frustrates him. To the point that he stops going to any of them for help, and decides everything is just easier to deal with and manage if he does it solo.

Secondly, regardless of his magic:

Arthur is almost certainly the worst, when it comes to this sort of thing. He displays, every once in a while, an understanding that Merlin is braver and smarter than he gives him credit for, but he never actually treats him like it. It's like he genuinely thinks Merlin is an idiot, and interacts with him as such. He asks Merlin his opinion, and then ignores it most of the time, he never apologises to Merlin when he's hurt or trouble comes BECAUSE he ignored him, and just generally treats him like more of a nuisance. Merlin can deal with that, in fact it's actually kind of helpful for the whole persona, but when Arthur starts actually paying attention and tries to look after Merlin, he finds it both endearing, and incredibly annoying. Firstly, in the way that "you've never done this before, why are you acting like you care now?" and secondly in the way that "you're in the way, it's better when you're oblivious to me because I can get on with things." . Mostly, with Arthur, he just grits his teeth and gets through it, because he doesn't have much of a choice, but I can definitely imagine him snapping, in a small way, eventually "Arthur, I'm not a child, fuck off." or "I'm perfectly capable." or "I've been doing this for ten years, Arthur, I do not need your supervision." whilst normally things like that would be laughed off, he says it with such a tone that everyone in the vicinity is like... immediately taken aback.

With the others, it's mainly the protection. He's a servant, they're knights, it's kind of expected, but it does sort of annoy Merlin when they act like if he gets a papercut he'll die. He gets smacked around a bit by their captors once and they all FREAK out, demanding they take the punishment instead, and he just has to roll his eyes and sneakily free them with magic. He gets picked on by a Noble and they all get bristly and annoyed and it's just... frustrating, because they don't have the first clue how court works, and if they try to protect him, it'll get worse. They try to teach him how to throw a punch, or they start escorting him around town, or they put themselves in danger to rescue him, and he just can't... understand, that it's not JUST because they're underestimating him (which is annoying, but not the main reason), but also because... they love him?? They want him to be ok?? He has complicated thoughts about that because, first off, these people have no right to love him when they don't know him, and second off, everything was so much easier when people didn't notice him.

and AFTER the magic reveal?

Depending on the nature of the reveal, it arguably gets worse once they find out about his magic. They all automatically think he's weak and not that great at magic, and are always trying to get him to save his energy or train more or whatever. When someone against the repeal starts with him, they all jump in with weak, emotional arguments, which are all mostly factually incorrect, and just kind of condescending and infantilising. Then it's all "I don't need you to fight for me, not when I've been dealing with this my whole life." and "Actually, Sir Leon, you'd be wrong about that..." with a scowl and a stiff back. Even when he tells them he's powerful it's all "I'm sure you are, Merlin. Not like you've not used it for ten years." with rolled eyes and a smirk, until he goes fuck it, and shows off in a BIG way. Only then would they back off a bit, and even then... Merlin still has to glare at them or interrupt them or grit his teeth through it when they needlessly jump to his defence sometimes.

I guess it doesn’t help that he’s one of the babies of the group. I always see Mordred as the youngest, then Merlin, Elyan, and Arthur, then Gwen (I see Gwen as like... maybe two or three years older than Merlin?), then a fairly sizable gap (maybe 5-10 years?) followed by Percival and Lancelot, then Leon and Gwaine (who are, I’d say, up to five years older than Percy and Lance). But also this is all up to interpretation.

ANON I LOVE YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I HOPE THIS ANSWERS YOUR ASK SUFFICIENTLY!! :D

#bbc merlin #merlin #arthur pendragon #merthur #bbc merlin headcanons #send requests #send asks #asks #requests #leon #sir leon #sir gwaine #gwaine #sir elyan #elyan #sir lancelot #lancelot #sir percival #percival #gaius #anti giaus #kilgharrah #anti kilgharrah #mordred #good mordred #sir mordred #morgana #good morgana #lady morgana

[blood-bound]

SESSION RECAP!!!

to set the scene - Mark is entering Sampson's bar to continue the conversation about their Situation after dealing w the kindred spying problem outside (w violence)

this summary was written for ppl w some context to Mark's story already so i am sorry if some things do not Cohere for u feel free 2 ask.

SO. 

Mark goes in to continue the conversation. He starts off by trying to talk about Sampson and him’s situation, but Sampson insists on talking about Mark’s blood bond to Julius. Sampson says he is thinking more clearly than he has in a very long time and it’s made him realize how fucked his situation is, and how fucked the blood bond is… and in turn how fucked Mark is with his bond to Julius. Mark starts getting defensive, more than he normally would obviously, and has to start rolling WP to not defend Julius profusely, but also emotionally wants to anyway so even when he succeeds he still hedges his bets with it. 

Sampson asks Mark how he would describe his relationship to Julius (he doesn’t know his name still) and when Mark says he is his boss he calls Mark an idiot and says his master is a monster and he is a tool. This pisses off Mark so bad that he stands up in his chair, not even noticing he breaks it until later. Sampson won’t answer Mark when Mark asks him what he is hoping to get out of this and they start shouting at each other about it, Mark doesn’t have a coherent defense. At one point Sampson says ‘and if I’m an inconvenience he’d have you drain me’ and Mark replies “then don’t be a fucking inconvenience” and its when Sampson laughs that he pushes him for the first time. He ends up PUSHING Sampson who just laughs at him and says that he doesn’t even see how ridiculous it is how mad he’s getting. Sampson does end up pushing him back just to get him out of his face but the whole time he’s sardonic. He says something else about Julius that really sets Mark off and the ST says Mark has a choice after the WP roll: Punch him, or do something similar to that, or leave. So I have Mark turn to leave, calling Sampson an idiot, and Sampson essentially says “when you’re ready to admit how badly you need help, if you ever do, maybe in a month when you have the courage.” but like in an angry way, implying he does not think he will come back anytime soon, very mean lol. 

Mark goes to his car. Or rather he starts approaching it. He spots a man with greasy, unkempt hair, ripped t shirt, and ripped jeans, waiting by the car. The ST says Mark realizes its a kindred because he has gashes showing BONES but he is standing like it’s fine. He is acting SUPER weird. Mark is STILL fucking MAD so he isn’t as nice with his introduction - when the man asks “are you Mark?” Mark replies ‘who the hell are you?’. The man knows whats up and is like. “Hey. Boss thought you might need help. I’m JP. He sent me”. And Mark is like Oh because OMG JULIUS HE CAN’T KNOW ABOUT SAMPSON’S INSOLENCE so Mark is like ah. OK. Don’t need help. The guy is suuuuper weird about it and is like are you SURE there is NOTHING I can help you with, please? Like basically begging Mark to ask for his help. Mark relents and is like. Well you can help with the anarch problem. 

JP is like. ‘Sure that’s a big problem. Are you Julius’s childe too?’ And Mark is like yes. And JP is like ah well. You got the *points to back*? And Mark is like yeah. And JP says ok yeah see I’m who he sends to help when he has no one else available. And he lifts his shirt AND THERES A HUGE GNARLY SCAR SHOWING BONES THAT IS CARVED INTO HIS FLESH THAT SAYS “I REBELLED AGAINST JULIUS” .

And he continues to say “more than once!” with the most PAINED face. And upon seeing that Mark has some Realizations. He realizes 1) the blood bond is the most traumatic, most deeply violating, thing that can be done to a person. Worse than the shame and ridicule he faced while alive for being gay, worse than even being embraced, even worse than Gaius getting all of his memories. It’s abhorrent. 2) He would need help to get out of this and 3) it would have to be someone with experience on dealing with it. 

Mark’s anger is replaced by a profound emptiness. Drained. But the night continues. So Mark says that, yeah, maybe actually he can help with many problems. JP is like yeah. Julius has been busy these nights. Very busy. And Mark is like ah I see. Will you be around? And JP says Julius sent me to Help You :) let Me Help You :) and he can’t say this explicitly but he basically says IF YOU SAY I HAVE TO STAY TO HELP WITH OTHER THINGS I CAN STAY AND HELP WITH THE BLOOD BOND. 

And Mark and him have the most awkward roundabout conversation and JP says. Well it’s difficult to talk without a Medium. Obviously trying to imply something. And Mark is like. A medium huh? Like … fortune teller orr…? And JP is like Nooo and Mark can SMELL HIS SIGIL BURNING LIKE IT DOES TO HIM SOMETIMES so obviously something is up with this. THANKFULLY after he mimes a ball i get that he means one of the memory balls! And Mark is like OH. and very seriously says I can help with that. Because he had asked for one from Julius a LONNGGG time ago on a whim cause he thought they were neat!

And JP seems relieved but has a very pained smile so he’s like. Again so. Do you need help? And Mark is like well. I could use someone to watch the territory, and he asks JP if he has a place to stay. And JP says not here :) his body language and tone of voice is just SCREAMING “PLEASE HELP ME” lmfao. So Mark asks if he got him a place to stay could he stay. And he says yes, if I need to stay to help you I can. And so Mark brings him to a place on the territory, the lighthouse safe house, and apologizes that it has no mattress tonight, just an old, shitty, rotting couch. And JP says, with WONDER. “That’s much more than I usually get…. I can get a mattress?” BRUH. 

And Mark is like. Oh  my god yeah. And how long have uh. You had those referring to the scars and marred skin. And JP is like oh? I get new one’s every night. And Mark is like oh my god someone comes here? And he’s like no… it’s hard to explain. OH MY GOD I JUST GOT THE IMPLICATION MAYBE JULIUS HAS ORDERED HIM TO DO IT TO HIMSELF??? OKAY I ASKED ST AND HE CONFIRMED IT. HE DOES IT TO HIMSELF. FUCK.

But yes Mark leaves him there for the night. And he cries in his car a little because oh my god. What is this situation. But he remembers Sampson saying that when he’s ready for him to help him get out of this, he would, just come back. So Mark goes Fuck It We Ball and goes RIGHT BACK TO SAMPSON because he has Realized that Sampson was right and he was an Idiot Sandwhich (I need that meme drawn btw of Sampson calling Mark an idiot sandwhich, w the bread). 

So Mark, totally drained, goes back to Sampson’s bar. Sampson lets him in. And Mark says. “Let’s try this again. Carefully.” and Sampson doesn’t really say anything but ‘ok’ and Mark continues and says. “I am sorry. About the chair and pushing you. You were right. About everything.” (had to roll wp to say that) and Sampson has him sit down. He asks him to say it again and Mark can’t this time but he gets it. 

So Sampson is like. Okay i honestly didn’t expect you to come this soon. Wasn’t sure if you would at all. But this is good. And Mark is like yeah. And they were quiet for a bit but Sampson is like. Okay. What are we talking about. And Mark asks him again, why are you helping, and Sampson is basically saying that he wants out of this life. That he is really stuck and trapped, and he recognizes how fucked it is, but he is only gonna get out of it if Mark gets through his blood bond stuff. I can’t fully remember how the conversation flowed but it did flow naturally. But I will just have to list other developments.

Mark says he still cares about Sampson. Sampson says he isn’t sure if Mark is pretending to care or not, and asks what he thinks. Mark says he definitely still does. Sampson appears ambivalent, like it doesn’t really matter. He’s non committal about what he believes, but says he believes Mark believes what he is saying at least, but he might be lying to himself/doing it out of habit. Because he KNOWS other ghouls and stuff (this was talked abt in the earlier convo as well) and he knows how kindred are, and how he can’t trust Mark due to the blood bond also. But yeah. Mark FINALLY straight up asks Sampson how he feels about him and Sampson first asks if Mark really wants to know. And Mark, after hesitation, says he does. Sampson says. “Honestly, you make me sad. I remember what you were like before, what we were like, I know my situation and when I think about you… it’s just sad.” 

Like basically the implication is Mark is a sad memory, he feels like he owes him (said that explicitly) and has some fondness for, but wants to move on. He wants to move past him and put all this behind him (said explicitly). Mark is quite sad. Sampson says they can have a more normal relationship now. But its clear - he doesn’t want to be friends long term, they are just working together, with a deep shared history, and some level of fondness. But he doesn’t love him. There isn’t some deep care. He can’t trust him and does believe he is a vampire who either has already or will eventually stop caring. 

Sampson says that this was a downer note to end on. As just before he had said this was good, and he felt he had hope for the first time, and they both committed to being honest with one another (sad thing is Mark always was really when he could be.). Mark just says “that’s good. [regarding feeling hope] And that if there was nothing else, please keep me in the loop if anything happens here this time, but I will stop bothering you now.” Sampson walks him out. Says goodnight Mark as he leaves. Mark says goodnight as well. Mark is empty, drained, should feel hope but can’t due to blood bond, and is just miserable that it is finally confirmed Sampson doesn’t feel the same. 

Mark goes home. Does his normal routine. Checks his email - an email from ‘regional’. It just says “I sent help. Be careful. -J.”

On that menacing note, Mark cries himself to sleep for the i think third time in his unlife and willingly enters torpor early <3 THE END

I AM SUFUCKERING /POSITIVE

#mark vtm oc #BLOOD BONDDS.S.S.S.S

[lil-llewellyn]

Merlin Grows A Beard

part 1 - The Appalling Taste In Clothes

Merlin is missing. That said, no one actually knows when or why or how or even whether that happened, because...

"Have you seen Merlin today?" asked Arthur impatiently.

"Sure, I'm been to the tavern and we've just had a lively chat." answered Gwaine, winking.

"It's just after sunrise and you've already been to the tavern?"

"Yes, and?"

... it so happened that it was assumed that Merlin was binge-drinking for a couple of days. Then days turned into weeks and the possibility of Merlin getting lost in a tavern was ruled out by Gwaine...

"Do you mean to say you were joking all this time?" Arthur looked serious and furious.

"Seriously, Princess?" Gwaine didn't look nearly as serious as he should've been. "Have you even once seen Merlin actually inside the tavern?"

"That's what he does all the time!"

"That's never happened! That's just a running joke! Really, Arthur, you need to catch up."

... and so although Gaius was as untroubled as ever, Arthur finally began to really, really worry.

At some point on a patrol-cough-merlin-search-mission the knights get attacked by the bandits because of course they do. However, these bandits fight much better than any average bandits. In the hierarchy of bandits these ones certainly hold an honorable position as represented by ludicrously colourful clothes. Average bandits wouldn't dare to walk around in such attracting-attention clothes, but these use every opportunity to mock... anyone, really.

The knights really struggle, and Arthur picks a fight with the most professional bandit who easily surpasses his comrades' skills and is dressed in just as festive colours as the rest of them.

At last, Arthur thinks he dealt the foul fiend with an appealling taste a mortal blow to the face, but the bandit manages to avert, escaping with a mere sliced mask and pushing Arthur to the ground. Being otherwise unharmed, he's once ahain square-shouldered and looking taller than Arthur. That's sufficient grounds for his temporary victory, if you ask Arthur's opinion.

And as the bandit looks around, assessing the situation, and Arthur is too exhausted to get to him, even to get up, the sliced mask reveals...

"Merlin?" breathlessly asks Arthur.

"Who the hell is Merlin?" responds the bandit in a low, rough voice.

"Seriously, wherever I go," he continues more annoyed than confused, "it's always 'Merlin kiss me' this and 'Merlin pay up' that, it's like it's magically written on my forehead or something. Had to come up with the mask, and not only does it stress me out but also really intervenes with the fighting. I didn't fight half as masterful as usual today, and all for what? Wouldn't wish anyone to have a recognisable face, even you. Do you get recognised a lot? Right, sorry, must dash, catch up later."

He escapes while Arthur just exists there, panting and feeling extexremely stunned.

The king keeps it from the other knights. He's not sure exactly why. He's not sure what he'd say, whether that's actually Merlin or not. The bandit seemed just fine, all of that came naturally to him. True, the distestafulness remained, but Merlin couldn't be taught to fight like that in just a few weeks. Could he?

One day it dawns on him. Mind control! He read about it in a children's book many years ago. It said that an evil sorcerer could make anyone do anything evil as long as it was evil.

"Anything evil as long as it was evil, sire?" asked Gaius.

"I might not remember the details exactly. That is why I want to refresh my memory. I need to find the children's books I read as a child."

"That's- that's- I think it might be from your father's early speeches he used to lull you to sleep with."

"But that was one of my favourite bedtime stories!"

"His too. Anyway, I'm sure you don't need that book, Merlin'll turn up on his own." Gaius realised only too late that he had just given Merlin away; he braced himself.

"Merlin? I too wanted to talk about him! Do you know why Merlin never grew a beard? I still need anything you have on mind control, though."

"I was under the impression that beards weren't in fashion nowadays," Gaius tried avoiding talking about Merlin's newest secret.

"Fashion has nothing to do with Merlin. I believe a beard would suit him."

"Well, I'll be sure to tell him that as soon as he finally returns from his mission."

"Possibly a moustache as well?"

"I didn't mean to say mission, I meant the undercover work- no! Definitely not that! A secret mission- no! He's on a- he's with- HE'S IN THE TAVERN!"

"Perhaps sideburns? Gaius, tell me quite frankly, what do you think about Merlin wearing all-black and with sideburns?"

#merlin #merlin bbc #arthur pendragon #gwaine #sir gwaine #gwaine being gwaine #confused arthur #confused merlin #merlin fic

[shadowsong26x]

And several months later, we’re back with more of the BSG rewatch! This time covering the rest of S2.5 and also The Plan because Why Not.

The delay was in part because of miscellaneous non-rewatch related things, and in part because...you know, I think this is where I stalled the last time I did (or tried to do) a full rewatch, back in like 2015? And I think I know why--it’s because I’m not actually super fond of this half-season.

Like, don’t get me wrong. One of my favorite episodes is actually in this section, and every season/half-season/whatever of this show has At Least one episode that I don’t particularly like. And my least favorite episode isn’t even in this section (that’s coming in the back half of S3 and hoo boy am I still mad just thinking about it).

But.

There’s like...a whole cluster of episodes I’m not fond of, all bunched up together, lol. There’s Black Market, of course (which, my recollection of my thoughts on that episode are ‘this one has Potential but Lee was the wrong person to be doing this’ we’ll see how I feel this time); and also Sacrifice; and then there’s Significant Chunks of Lay Down Your Burdens (mostly relating to Chief); and while I don’t remember The Captain’s Hand being bad, exactly, I’ve been dreading it this time around because the B plot in the current political climate is going to be. Rough.

Anyway. That being said, once I’m past this section, it should go smoother both because I’ll be past this chunk and also I now have a DVD player I can plug into my laptop, so I won’t have to wait for a chunk of time when I’m dogsitting (for people who have access to Peacock streaming that I’m allowed to borrow). So hopefully, the Great BSG Rewatch of 2022 will in fact be completed in 2022. XD

Okay. All of that aside--I’m including The Plan in this chunk for some of the same reasons I included Razor in the last one, because I need it for Fic Purposes. Also, while there are the obvious Spoilers, it technically chronologically ends before the timeskip at the end of Lay Down Your Burdens.

My notes on the miniseries and Season 1 can be found here; and my notes on the first half of S2 (plus Resurrection Ship and Razor) can be found here.

As before, my notes contain spoilers because I have seen the full series before. I’ve copied over a lot of quotes I like, some with commentary, some with just Flailing. Also some plot/construction notes, and some notes to myself about the aforementioned fic (and a couple other self-indulgent AUs), which I have deleted. There might be a few I missed, though.

Also, warnings. Very Very important content warnings: genocide, suicide, intimate partner violence, torture, and sexual assault, as well as a lot of other Violence. There is also some content relating to abortions/reproductive rights. Other than that, unlike last time I don’t thiiiiiink there are any that need to be more heavily warned for than others? Feel free to send me an ask if you want more details.

I think that covers it! Here we go!

Epiphanies:

Previously on from Roslin

Ah, yes, flashing back to the miniseries. I actually like the lavender suit? But yeesh her hair.

Okay, this is timestamped 189 days ago. Which lines up with where we were last episode (6 months based on what Cain says).

Awwww, Billy. :(

I think I recognize the actor playing the union guy? I’ll have to look it up.

Ah yes. That bit, where she sees Gaius and Caprica. And, like, part of me would like to point out that that is…very slim evidence of anything? At least by itself. Otherwise everyone who knew/cared about Boomer (or Gina, or that one Simon, or Doral, or…well, we never meet any of Leoben’s friends lol but he was the Secretary of Defense’s yoga instructor XD) ANYWAY. This one piece of information doesn’t actually mean all that much, is the point

Except.

::gestures at all of the Everything Else::

I think her reading the worst into this particular memory is probably at least partially based on she just personally does not like this man, but it’s. it’s kind of hard not to Question Things, knowing how he’s acted in the six months since. Especially how he handled the Shelly Godfrey mess. I don’t know that she’d fixate on it in quite this way without the personal antipathy, but that’s neither here nor there.

(And, as with so many things where he’s concerned, she’s partially (mostly) right but also partially wrong and honestly I really, really love the way these two play off one another.)

Okay, so there are more people on staff here than just Cottle and Ishay, there was definitely one other dude with a stethoscope.

BILLY MY HEART.

…I think, because I never watched this episode without spoilers (I think the first episodes I ever watched were either New Caprica or Crossroads? While someone else was watching and I was around) so it doesn’t quite hit me the same way it would if I was legitimately wondering if they’d find a way to keep her alive? I mean, laws of TV say they should, but while Crashdown wasn’t a Main Credits lead, he was I think in every single episode of S1? So…yeah, idk.

49,598 survivors

“Save the attitude for someone who cares.” I love Kat and Kara’s dynamic, and of course this is setting up for Scar which I think is either the next episode or the one after that?

Oooooooh right, this subplot.

Aaaaand there’s an issue with the ammo, not the gun, so when Chief checked it, he knew he was right.

Bill’s face :(

Oh, right, Adar was an asshole, as we learn here.

Oooooooh, and she stole that from him XD “One of the most interesting things about being president is you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.”

Isn’t it implied that they slept together at some point? Guess I’ll find out.

Ah, yes, the anomalies with Hera’s blood.

“Didn’t say conclusive, just damned odd.”

And yeah Adama is also Not Super On Board with this plan, but. He’s still going to back her.

Oh wow and yeah it didn’t actually hit Baltar that he’s about to be President until Bill pointed it out. You can see it all over his face.

Huh, so apparently Head!Six has been least-in-sight since Pegasus, which now he’s saying was weeks ago. Timelines!

Oh shit that was an actual cracking noise did she break his wrist.

Lol, people are used to him talking to himself by now no one even bats an eye as he and Head!Six have this fight in a crowded hallway.

BUT THE THING WITH THE TIE LOL and he just Automatically puts his hand to it.

((Also, I don’t think she usually wears brown? Caprica does a lot--she tends to wear softer colors/earth tones more than Head!Six does, IIRC? Whereas Head!Six usually wears bright/saturated red/blue or stark whites and blacks. And that one silver dress which only looks passable because Tricia Helfer looks good in anything. Mostly bringing this up because there was that one photoset I saw on tumblr a while back that was tagged as Caprica but like. Only one of the pictures was Definitively Her XD The rest were Head!Six, with one I wasn’t totally sure of lol))

And Bill does tell Helo directly because. Yeah.

“They’ve got stones, I’ll give them that.” “I’ve agreed.” “…what?” “We’re not negotiating. I just want to know what we’re up against.”

…Bill, I get why you’re doing this, but I think arresting him is going to cause more problems than it solves…

Sharon like “they’re still afraid of me? Fine. I’ll give them something to be afraid of.”

((also the timeline of her pregnancy makes ZERO sense but oh well))

Oh shit I forgot we got suicide bombers before New Caprica

Billyyyyyyyy :(

“The next few days are likely to be…hectic…so.” And that is a Fancy Wax Seal.

“Even their dedication has limits.”

This was never in any universe going to be a healthy relationship ever. And he did EVERYTHING RIGHT before and he’s doing EVERYTHING WRONG here, and some of it is his madness and Head!Six and.

And then he has the Realization about Hera’s blood.

“I am not who you think I am. And I will not be responsible for the destruction of mankind.”

Yep. Yep yep yep they were. Roslin you generally have better taste than this. But who knows, maybe he was less of an asshole before the election.

…also I take it back, I like the suit a lot less without the jacket. That ultra-high-waist skirt is. Not Great.

“You expected me to fail.” “I expected you to hold the line. This doesn’t have to be the end of the world.” When it. Like. Literally Is. Within the next day or so.

“When I return, if you still want my job, be prepared to fight.”

“I know that many of you believe in the power of prayer.” :((((((((((((((((

And then attempting to grab Sharon with only the music and no diegetic sound at all just. Wow.

As Bill watches from outside.

Oh Helo. Oh baby. “Please don’t do this.” And he’s prepared to draw his gun to defend his child. And Bill is going to talk him down. “think about what you’re doing, Helo. You’re a soldier.” “I’m a father. Like you. Please, sir…give me a raptor. Let me take her off the ship. I’ll get her away from the ship.”

And that buys Baltar time to get here from Cloud Nine with his answer. “I may have been…wrong. Very wrong.” And then he realizes what he just ran into and Helo is behind him XD

“What am I looking at?” “Nothing. That’s the whole point.”

“It’s untried. It’s obviously untried, and therefore extremely dangerous, but it’s possible.” And they’re out of other options so to use what is simultaneously an incredibly inappropriate and Extremely Apt term--they’re gonna try the Hail Mary. XD

“maybe it’s just her time.” “then for once perhaps I am the beacon of hope around here.” Ohhhh so much to unpack there.

Awwww, Billy!

48 hours later, so…given that they mentioned ‘a few days’ earlier, this episode probably took between 5 days and a week? Of course the timeline has stopped making sense but just for my own notes XD

“By saving Roslin, you’ve denied yourself your rightful place of leadership. There are aspects of you I do not understand.” “You wouldn’t.” and then Head!Six asks if he loves Gina and he doesn’t answer, because the answer is ‘yes but’ because it’s all so confusing.

And of course he opens the letter (and tbf there are Very Few People who would not.)

And once again she’s partially right and partially wrong--he is capable of compassion, we’ve seen that (and we see more of it later); he just. Has this issue with abstractions and out-of-sight-out-of-mind. Which for his position as scientific advisor isn’t Great but it can be worked around, but as President, he’ll need to be able to face those abstractions and apply these things on a wider scale. Which he doesn’t learn to do until s4 (and possibly not even then).

Once again a flash of Spite and he does Stupid Things but once he calms down he doesn’t hold a grudge (again the out-of-sight-out-of-mind thing in play probably).

Yeah, she’s never going to trust you.

The STUPIDEST THING Gaius. Why are you sending Gina your nuke. …also how did you get away with keeping it when the detector was dismantled. I have SO MANY QUESTIONS

Ohhhhhh that smile after that initial ‘recoil in shock’ moment.

Black Market:

Previously on from Lee.

Oh right. Quadrangle of why take one. Not quite as annoying as the Big One in s3 but still. While I don’t think Billy and Dee were long-term compatible even without the nonsense, it’s still…they both deserved better than this nonsense.

And this right here is why Lee’s relationships tend not to work out. Because he wants this Idealized Girlfriend thing and when he pays someone to pretend, it’s fine, but when he tries to make that work with Dee or Kara…

“Well, they wouldn’t be civilians if they didn’t have something to bitch about.”

“Supply levels are tight, but not critical.”

Antibiotics coming up already.

“A few trades would be one thing, that’s reality. But I’m talking about criminals making outrageous demands. We need to be in control of our supply chain, not the black market.”

…okay but that is a kinda scary-looking doll lol. “Maybe next time I’ll get one with two eyes.”

Ohhhhhhhh and the staging of Fisk’s murder with him going into his office and unfastening his collar echoes some of the staging of Cain’s murder I LIKE IT

Also good riddance.

49,597.

…huh, I feel like it should be less than that? Given the explosion from the Demand Peace movement explicitly had casualties…ah well. Possibly a handful of babies were coincidentally born as well.

Oh right Lee had an actual girlfriend/fiancée/something before? Maybe I shouldn’t judge his relationships so hard lol.

And of course there’s some creepy serial killer bs! Because why just murder Fisk, why not shove a cubit into his throat!

“I almost prefer [another Cylon] to the alternative.” Yeaaaaaaah.

And putting Lee in charge of leading the investigation. “Wouldn’t it be better if someone from Pegasus did it?” “Even though Cain is gone, her influence lingers. I need someone I can trust.” “There were times when it was in short supply between us.” “We’ve been through a lot. I hope we’re stronger for it.”

Gaius why are you here.

Ohhhhh he doesn’t know about the murder until he walks into the room, he was here to meet with Fisk.

“You bought yourself some goodwill by saving Roslin, but it’s fading. Their suspicions are returning.”

“Why are you acting like a child with your hand in the cookie jar? Wonder what she would say if she saw you like this.”

“Pegasus lost two commanders in a matter of weeks.” Timelines!

And he’s been raiding other ships and heavily involved in the black market. Yay.

“Half the fleet’s working [the black market]. Fisk was getting greedy.”

Of course Ellen has black market connections OH RIGHT THAT WAS THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE BRACELET I CAN’T BELIEVE I MISSED THAT.

“I haven’t done anything half the people on this ship haven’t done.” “Doesn’t make us right, Colonel. Just makes a lot of people wrong.”

“Permission to speak frankly, sir?” “You don’t need permission, and you don’t need the sir.” “…maybe that’s the problem. I don’t know what to think anymore, so I’ll just ask. Is this going somewhere? Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.” “Dee…” “Our time together, our workouts…something’s changed between us.” “I’m not sure what you want me to say.”

…yeaaaaaaah, okay, I know they were planning to write Billy off (I think either the next episode or the one after is Sacrifice, the other one is Scar) but. Yeah. Dee, you probably should’ve broken things off with Billy sooner than you did. Or at least had a conversation with him. Whatever happens between you and Lee, there’s something in your other relationship that isn’t working for things to get to this point.

And he says to Shevon “I’m not fooling myself, I know what this is.”

And he almost gets garotted, too! Or I guess technically he does but he doesn’t get garotted to death? At what point do you call someone garotted.

Yeaaaaaaaah ‘letting it go’ is Not gonna happen.

“Is that when you knew that you loved her?” “I thought so.” “But you hurt her.” …yeah, no, nvm, Lee has apparently always been shitty at relationships.

Oh, Lee does call for a medic right away. …not just for himself, but still.

Aaaaand this conversation! “I’m never quite sure where we stand with each other, Doctor. Why do you think that is?” “I can’t imagine why. I’ve never had anything but the utmost respect for you and your office.” …or maybe it’s not This conversation, they’re talking about his meeting with Fisk.

“Gaius, she’s afraid of you.” “Why--are you asking me this?” “I sense there is some unease in you in assuming the presidency, and I’d like to offer you an out.” YEP IT’S THIS CONVERSATION. And like…I’m not sure what he would’ve done if she hadn’t pushed him here, but once she pushes him he’s Definitely going to double down and refuse to resign. Even though that is what he actually wants, deep down.

“You can consider it a second chance, like the one you gave me.” “Charming. ::starts to leave::” “Doctor. This is a one-time offer. I suggest you reconsider.” “I’ve never been particularly interested in politics. And I never wanted any lofty position of power. I never wanted to be the Vice President. That is, until this very moment. Because right now, I can’t think of anything I want more.” Yeah, she misread him here and made the wrong play. Ah, well.

ZAREK. Aka “and then there’s this asshole (affectionate)”

“I just heard. Are you all right?”

“I know these places are legal, but…”

“I have to be careful about the company I keep.” “Yeah, well, according to Fisk’s log…”

Oooh, interesting. “See how many ships made stops at the Astral Queen after Fisk’s last visit.”

And Zarek’s not wrong, there was no way this was Not going to happen.

“They gave you Fisk’s killer for a reason. They’re offering you a way out.” Oooooooh and to have That in the same episode as That Conversation.

“You know something, don’t you.” “Just rumors. …there’s a freighter. Prometheus. Some people say it’s gone off the grid. But if you want something bad enough, that’s where you go. The deals are brokered by an ex-military mercenary named Phelan.”

“Lee. I hope she’s worth it.”

SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE. Returning to Zarek being smart and having lines he won’t cross (until he doesn’t, but post-Earth 1.0 Everything Changes). And while I think I stand by my assessment that I’d like this episode a lot more if someone other than Lee was doing it…no one bounces of Zarek quite the way he does.

(Also Kara was barely in the last episode and I haven’t seen her yet in this one. Huh.)

…and every woman he’s been Demonstrably (Canonically*) Interested In except Dee has been a blonde.

((*I know Lee/Roslin is a popular fanon ship but.))

Aaaaaand now we know there is Trafficking of Children going on.

Okay, Phelan talks a good game and he’s not wrong about the black market filling a necessary niche buuuuuuuuuuuut then the trafficking of children undercuts his point by a LOT. “It’s hard to find a moral high ground when we’re all standing in the mud.” NOT ON THIS PARTICULAR ISSUE. “I’m not like my old man, Captain. And you are not like yours.”

…the sad thing is, murdering Phelan isn’t really going to Solve the black market problem. But we’re gonna hit another of Zarek’s hard limits here I’m sure (he’ll murder children if need be, man blew up a building, I don’t think the possibility of children being inside would’ve stopped him, but not This.)

“Nobody can stop it. And maybe nobody should. But it needs limits. There’s lines you can’t cross. And you crossed them.”

Yeeeep that’s the Point of this episode. …and I guess why it had to be Lee after all. He’s the one who hates himself for not being Good and violating his rigid ethics but he will do the Necessary Thing.

“So you’re still in business. For now. But if there are any more killings, if you hold back necessary medicines, if you ever touch a child…” …and now I’m kind of interested in Black Market Kingpin Lee. I’m more interested in Lee than I ever have been before, lol.

Yeaaaah, Lee, your relationship with Shevon is exactly what she says it is. “I’m a replacement for a lot of things. Things men can’t get anywhere else. Things they’ve lost. She wanted to give you a child.” Oooh, and Lee didn’t want kids. “But you were afraid, so you pushed her away. And then you ran. And you didn’t stop running until it was too late.” Okay, so what broke apart his relationship was not his shittiness, exactly, it was a legit ‘we want different things we can’t reconcile.’ …eeeeexcept for the fact that he was kind of Involved with Kara already. “I am not her. And Paya is not and will never be your child.”

And Lee claims it’s all wrapped up. “What about Prometheus?” Roslin asks. “We will keep an eye on them.” “Not exactly the solution I had in mind. Whether or not we allow a criminal enterprise to flourish in this fleet is not a matter of choice.” “I support your trade policies wholeheartedly, Madam President, but we are never going to have a perfect system. We are always going to have a black market. This way, we know names, I know faces, and we will monitor the situation.” Yeah, Lee’s right here, this was the best possible solution.

Awwww, this moment with Billy would be a lot cuter if not for that prior conversation and the way she Looks at Lee who’s hovering at the gym entrance.

Yeah, a near-death experience will change a man.

“You should’ve told me about the woman.”

…okay, so, in the final analysis…this episode is not as bad as its reputation/as I remembered? I think if I was at all more interested in Lee, I might even like it??? But I’m really not. And it’s unfortunately very skippable, apart from the Roslin and Baltar conversation and the Lee and Zarek moment. I’m not sure anymore that it would’ve been Better with, say, Starbuck heading the investigation. It would’ve been different and probably more interesting to me, personally, but…yeah.

Scar:

YAY THE EPISODE WHERE KAT AND STARBUCK DEFINITELY HAD ANGRY SEX IN A CLOSET SOMEWHERE.

Ahem.

I mean.

MOVING ON

Starbuck gets the previously on.

And now we’re at a mining ship that’s been operating for 29 days. And at least two pilots are dead.

“I don’t think he’s gonna RSVP, Kat. He prefers surprise parties.” “Yeah, well, he’ll be surprised when I blow him up.” “That’ll be the day.”

Oh, man, clearing out his bunk.

“Does anybody remember Rielly’s girlfriend’s name?”

“It does matter,” Kat says, and she’s right.

And their replacements are immediately brought in as soon as they’re finishing clearing out the bunks.

“Who’s Scar?” “Not who, what. Cylon’s top gun.”

“He’s got a taste for nuggets. Easy pickings.”

“There was a time you’d’ve noticed that before me.” “Fiiiiiine you’re the shooter.”

And Starbuck has the Fancy Tankard which I think goes to Kat at the end of the episode?

“This isn’t duelling pistols at dawn, this is war. You don’t wanna fight fair. You wanna sneak up behind your enemy and club him over the head. You see, Scar understands that. And so do I. That’s why I’m gonna kill him.” And Starbuck and Kat finishing each other’s stories turns into needling each other and that little Smile.

And yep they’re betting over the top gun mug. “Your lips’ll never touch the rim little girl.” Yeaaaaaaaaah they definitely had Angry Sex in a closet at least once this episode. But yeah, Lee and Kat have a point, Kara, maybe you should tone down the drinking…

But she misses Sam. And who can blame her, Sam is awesome. And she keeps getting shot down when she tries to get a rescue mission going.

Noooooope, the Raider Kat is chasing was Not Scar oh no. it was Bait.

49,593!

YAY THE FLASHY BITS IMPLY WE GET SOME STARBUCK AND HELO BEING BROS!!!!! AND HE WAS IN THE BACKGROUND OF THAT LAST SCENE SO YAAAAAAAY!

“That can’t be Scar. He should be jumping, or wheeling to gun at us…” and yep, checking the tail is Smart but there’s Glare and then JUST LIKE ONE OF THOSE MINISERIES SHOTS, WE SEE SCAR COMING OUT OF THE LIGHT I LOVE IT

And they’re stuck here for another eight days.

Okay, so most of the fleet isn’t here, that’s smart.

Starbuck, you should read the briefing notes before telling your pilots what to do.

Ooooooh, is this implying that Starbuck’s captured raider is Scar? I LIKE IT.

And that repeating of that “death as a learning experience” idea.

“How many pilots have we lost? I mean…have you lost.” “You know there are times when I look at you and I forget what you are. All I see is that kid that spooched her landings day after day. The kid that was frakking the Chief and thinking she was getting away with it.” “Yeah, I remember. You were like a big sister to--” And then Guns when she reaches for Starbuck’s hands.

“Be careful of Scar, okay? He’s filled with rage.” “About what?” “Dying is a painful and traumatic experience. Every time he’s reborn, he’s filled with more bitter memories. Scar hates you every bit as much as you hate him.”

And Kat beats Starbuck’s record on the range!

And oh man Starbuck’s voice/face when she’s hit, and then they lose visual contact and…

“Don’t be an idiot, Starbuck, what’s your position?”

SO MUCH ANGRY SEX

YAY STARBUCK AND HELO BRO TIMES

“Why are you pushing so hard? Kat’s just another hotshot kid out to make her bones. Like you were before you met Anders. …you ever think about him?” “What’s the point? He’s dead.” “…Kara. If you didn’t think he had a chance of surviving, why’d you promise to return with a rescue party?” “I thought I was…I don’t know what I thought.” …yeah, I guess after it’s been…probably at least five or six months…that changes things.

Oh noooooo these are the ones that were mentioned as getting Killed right at the beginning before we started flashing back and forth in time. Duck and BB just died.

“That kid needs more than a pat on the ass and a textbook quote about tactics, okay?” “You wanna be his wetnurse, go right ahead. His jacket says he’s a qualified viper jock, so either I fly him, or I ground him and we go up short. What’s it gonna be? Your call, Kat.” SO MUCH ANGRY SEX.

And someone pukes on the deck. Not the first, won’t be the last.

“Nice work, Starbuck.” “What the hell happened to BB?” “He did exactly what you told him to do! ‘Try to run and you’re dead.’ I heard you drill that into that poor moron’s head.” “You and I both know that 99% of the time, that is the right move.” “Not this time.” SO MUCH. JUST. SO MUCH.

“In two weeks, I won’t remember his face. I can’t remember any of their faces after they’re killed. No matter how hard I try, they just fade.” “I don’t even remember their names.” “Names? Oh, let’s see…there was Flattop, who bought it on his thousandth landing. There was Chuckles…” “The president says that we’re saving humanity for a bright shiny future on Earth--that you and I are never gonna see. We’re not. Because we go out over and over again until someday some metal motherfrakker is gonna catch us on a bad day and just blow us away.” “…bright shiny futures are overrated, anyway.” I like Lee and Kara much better when they’re being fr--spoke too soon. “That’s why we gotta get what we can. Right now.” “I’ll drink to that. To right now.” “So why don’t we? “ “Why don’t we…what?” and now they’re fucking. Because of course they are.

And Lee is saying slow down and Starbuck isn’t listening and juuuuuuust like when she frakked Baltar, she’s screwing someone else to hide from her Feelings. This time she’s screwing Lee to hide from her feelings about Sam. “There is no us. I just wanted a good lay. There is nothing here. Nothing. You get that?” “…sure.”

“Well that’s just great. Frak or fight, right? Maybe I am just a good lay, but I’m also your friend, okay?” “I am hung up on a dead guy, okay? And it is pissing me off. And I don’t know what I’m doing.” “I don’t need your pity, Lee!” “You don’t have it! You’re fine with the dead guys, it’s the living ones you can’t deal with!” And then she slaps him and then kisses him and then storms out and just. Why. These two. Are. So. Exhausting. Go have angry sex with Kat instead.

And now she’s drinking in the ready room, watching all the footage of her pilots dying.

“Maybe if you hadn’t been up all night drinking, Jojo would’ve still been here.” “…give us the room.”

SO MUCH ANGRY SEX.

“I put Snake in my place because I knew I was in no condition to fly. Unlike you, I don’t take a bunch of pills and climb into my cockpit too wired to land right!” “You used to be the best stick in the fleet. Now you’re just a reckless drunk who sends other people out to get killed. What are you gonna do? Gonna hit me, Starbuck?” “Scares you, does it?” “Actually, no.” “You’re afraid most of the time, Kat. You’re afraid that you’re gonna end up like that picture of Reilly’s girlfriend. Some little…forgotten picture that no one really remembers. You see, that’s why you’re riding my ass so hard. So no one will notice that Scar scares the living crap out of you.” And then Kat hits her. …and Lee comes in before they can turn that bickering/fistfight into an Angry Makeout Session. “What’s going on?” “…a little tactical discussion, sir.” “is that what they’re calling it now” “…must’ve been lively.”

And Lee puts them out on one of the pickets together.

And Lee asks if Starbuck is okay, and Kat goes to view the memorial wall. And pin the picture of Reilly’s girlfriend to it.

I love Sam so much. He deserved better.

“I am gonna put him right in front of you. Do not miss him, frakkin’ stim junkie.”

Ooooooh that spray of blood across the space/asteroid.

And Starbuck just stares at the downed, smoldering wing as they fly away.

so much angry sex.

And she does fill the cup. “You earned it,” she says quietly, and Kat realizes this is Serious, and not mocking each other anymore.

And Starbuck proves she was Lying to lee before. “To BB…Jojo…Reilly…Beano…Dipper…Flattop…Chuckles…Jolly…Crashdown…Sheppard…Dash…Flyboy…” And she starts to falter, but she keeps going. “Stepchild…Puppet…Fireball…” And Lee gets up to help her finish when she runs out of names and she Knows there are more but. “To all of ‘em.” “So say we all.”

And bro times with Helo again! “I could’ve done it. Just needed to get a little closer.” “So why didn’t you do it?” “Probably would’ve died in the process. Bastard was too good. Couple months ago, I wouldn’t’ve even thought about that. Would’ve just gone for the glory, hoping I could’ve pulled it out of the fire sometime.” “Don’t beat yourself up. You and Kat both came back alive. You did the right thing, called in your wingman.” “That’s not why I did it, though. I can’t get Anders out of my head.” “You got something to live for now. Not just die for.” I LOVE THEM SO MUCH YOUR HONOR. BEST BROS.

Sacrifice:

oh no.

::momma look sharp starts playing::

((yeah if I had ever gotten around to doing a S2 fanmix like the one I did for S3, this episode would be that song. I am NOT the only one who’s made the connection, either: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRMZ5qdsBu0 SUFFER WITH ME))

ANYWAY

Lee gets the previously on, I think (the subtitles say Laura but it is definitely a dude)

And this lady has a full on wall of crazy. Woo.

Does go to show that there is genuinely a thriving press in the fleet which is kind of great! Not just wireless, but actual papers.

Billy is being more outspoken than usual in this meeting, yay! Lol, Roslin comments on it, too.

Awwwwww. “You were saying about the hard questions?” and he’s proposing and it’s SUPER CUTE except Dee’s been kind of pulling away from him and towards Lee and…she just…her face, oh man.

And he’s still holding out hope and babbling when her Face says it all and then she finally gets the words out and and and. :(((((((((

“I can’t marry you. I don’t know how else to say it. I’m sorry.” :(((((((((((((

And the very next scene is her on a date with Lee.

She’s so pretty.

“I don’t know what to make of me and Billy, but I know I can’t marry him. Then again, I don’t know what to make of you and me, either.”

Oooh, whatever Lee is drinking just has a straight-up chili pepper in it.

Hi Ellen! Haven’t seen you in a while!

49,590!

And Ellen has a very pretty bright blue drink! With like. Smoke on it XD

Ohhhhhh and now Billy is in the bar and Dee is like “…shiiiiiiit.” And then Lee comes back with more drinks and Dee is like “fuuuuuuuuuuck” and Billy is just “…oh.” And his face. :(((((((( “Billy, I’m sorry,” Lee says, and retreats back to the bar. Which. Can’t blame him. (And Ellen already has a second drink, lol)

And Billy’s mad because “I thought we could be honest with each other. But when I proposed you knew you were going to be here with him today. I know giving you the ring was stupid, that’s fine. And maybe this wasn’t gonna work out between us, but this…you should’ve told me about this.” And…I mean, in her defense, when he pulled her aside to propose he kind of just kept babbling and she had frozen for a moment.

…on the other hand, Black Market was at least a month ago given Scar’s internal timeline, and so this has been building for at least that long and yeah, she really should’ve talked to him before this.

And meanwhile Ellen is like “it’s hard to choose the people we fall in love with…to love only one person at a time…people like us are more complicated.” And like. Not really helping XD

And then Dee says she’s sorry, and Billy says he’s here with friends and walks away. (earlier he said he was here on business which is proooooooobably closer to the truth But)

Whoops Lee noticed the lady from earlier. Which. Took him long enough, she and that one dude were acting Super Sketch. Aaaaaand he’s spotted her gun. Fun!

“Ellen, the bathroom’s over here.” “…are you serious? :D” and she only takes the blue smoky drink with her.

Sorry, Ellen, you’re not getting bathroom sex from Lee today. Or ever.

…is it just me or does that one shooter/bad guy/whatever look weirdly like a Five?????

Yep, and Now Ellen knows why Lee pulled her into the bathroom, so he could have some room to maneuver. And he’s counting shooters and.

“What about you, Saul? Are you afraid of her?” “The truth is, I don’t like the way it’s gotten under your skin.”

And now Ellen’s going to try and Talk to the people holding everyone hostage which. Like. Whatever else you can say about her, she’s got ovaries of steel.

((I feel like we haven’t seen Tigh all that much in this set of episodes either? Ah well, he’ll definitely be more present in this episode))

Although letting the hostages know Exactly how valuable a hostage they have might or might not have been the smart play, which is probably part of why Lee pulled her out of the room.

And giving two hours to produce Athena and Bill’s first response is “I need everything we know about this woman.”

And that little jerk when Bill hears Lee is there. But also half a squad of marines and Starbuck and he’s like “…yeah, I know who we want here get me Starbuck.”

And yeah that’s Smart what Lee is doing with the drink but it’s taking too long and he’s gonna get caught so he scrambles back to the bathroom--probably he can hear them in the other room?

Oh, nope, he was Lying in Wait. And now he has a gun!

“Lock and load, figure it out as we go.” I love Starbuck.

And then they use Dee as a counter-hostage so Lee has to let his guy go.

“We all have someone we care about. He’s not gonna choose a Cylon over his son.”

And Now the sensor goes off!

“There’s a reason you don’t start shooting on a spaceship. Maybe you nicked a line. Let me talk to the Admiral.”

“I’m not going to sacrifice a military asset on your altar of revenge.”

“This is about the loss of your husband, and I understand that. It’s about you wanting to strike back, I understand that too. We’ve all lost people we care about, and we learn to live with it.”

“I am sure you’re aware, Admiral, of the concrete evidence that Caprica’s defenses were compromised by a Cylon agent who infiltrated the Ministry of Defense on the eve of the attacks.” She is. Not wrong. “People look for complicated answers when something terrible happens. Maybe we were just caught by surprise and were beaten. And maybe we have to learn to live with that.” “And maybe you’re missing the point. You were infiltrated, and you’ve been infiltrated again. You are being played, and the rest of us are not going down with your ship! I want the air system repaired now!”

And IIRC he sends Starbuck in as the repair person.

“Saul, we can’t give her Sharon, you know that, right?” “I know that. We can’t start dealing with terrorists, we start doing that now and it opens the floodgates, they’ll never stop. And by the way, it’s not Sharon. It’s a frakking Cylon.” “You don’t think I know that?” “I think there’s part of you that looks into that thing’s eyes and still sees that young girl that reported aboard two years ago as a rook pilot. Whell it’s not. And it never was.”

And yep, Kara figures out that the sensor was messed with, and is going in for recon! Which will probably involve her shooting many things because.

“Captain, what are you doing?” “Volunteering.” Lol, that Marine’s tone XD

YEP SHE HAD GUNS HIDDEN AND NOW THERE ARE BULLETS FLYING

And Lee got hit--oh shit I thought it was farther to his shoulder than that, that’s like. That probably dropped a lung. Yikes.

Also oh shit I think Starbuck hit him while he was running to grab one of the guns(?) not sure what he was doing there.

She did hit at least one of the hostage-takers, though.

But the Marines were coming in through the half-open door! And he has to pull her out.

Okay yeah, now it looks more on his shoulder than his chest what do I know, lol.

“You still want the Cylon? Because if the Admiral’s son dies, you’re not gonna get a thing.” So Billy gets to get something to use as bandages and help Dee clean Lee up.

“My cover was blown, I had to move. I’m sorry.” “Any casualties?” “Two marines, probably KIA. At least one of the gunmen…and Lee. It was crazy in there. Confused. He got hit.” “How bad?” “I don’t know.” “Stand by. Hold your position. Make no move unless you hear from me.” “It was friendly fire. Lee got hit by friendly fire. …I think it was me.” Oh man. Oh man oh man oh man. “…you have your orders.” Especially considering when she finally came clean about how Zak died oh man.

Billy is such a good bean I love him so much.

And Bill goes to talk to Sharon. “Are you playing with us? Are you playing with me?” Because he has to be Sure, has to decide what to do. “If I were to ask you, would you tell me who [the other Cylons in the fleet] are?” “No.” “That I believe.”

That does explain why Cavil is still unknown as of the end of this season (and probably D’Anna, too). The question is--why is she doing that? To have one more thing to hold on to Just In Case? Because betraying her people as a group is different from selling out Individual People? Hedging her bets in case she needs to turn to one of them for an exit strategy, especially if Hera is threatened again?

“He’ll be all right.” “Thanks for the concern. …she loses a husband, and suddenly the world owes her an explanation.” “He was a good man. And it wasn’t just her husband, it was my brother.” “My brother died on Picon, he was a good man too. They’re all good men.”

And of course she released her manifesto before taking over the bar.

And we can’t blow open the door because it would take so many explosives it would probably take out the entire bar. (Still love G-4 instead of C-4)

“There’s only one option left.” “No. We give them Sharon Valerii, we weaken our position permanently. Gentlemen, everyone in that room is someone’s son, someone’s wife, someone’s mother. …Billy’s the closest thing that I have left in this world and if you don’t think that that confuses things for me emotionally…let’s not be naïve.” My HEART.

And Saul says “what if they’re right” and she says “this isn’t about Sharon, this is about something way more long-term.”

“How’s my son?” “Alive. But my friend is dead. So are two of your soldiers. And your son is dying. I thought a long time about this. About what I’d do, about how far I’d go, and I honestly did not know until this moment--Chu.” And now she’s gonna deliberately execute hostages. Starting with Ellen.

“…hold your fire. I’m giving you the Cylon. But she won’t be alive.” “What does that mean?” “It means that you’ve convinced me. And if that’s the case, and she’s been playing me, then I can’t take any more chances. If you want Sharon Valerii, you can have her--but on my terms.”

RIGHT THEY STILL HAVE BOOMER’S BODY ON ICE! Convenient.

“I give you the body, you give me the hostages.” “…done.”

“Admiral, let me help. Please.” “Let me take it from here.” But he’s telling her without words that this isn’t like last time, he’s not Furious at her. And that helps. Just a little.

“I can see you watching him. I know you think you can get that gun.” “I’m thinking in case something happens--” “No. you’re not a soldier. You’re not trained for that. You’ve got nothing to prove.” “I know.”

Oh no oh no oh no oh no

And she fires a couple times into Boomer’s corpse and yep there’s the burn mark on her cheek.

Aaaaaaand her partner figures it out. “Wait. This isn’t right.” And pulls the blanket down further, showing the autopsy scar/mark. “…this one’s been dead for weeks. Their Cylon is still alive.” (more than weeks, it’s been at least four or five months at this point???? But what are timelines lol)

And oh no oh no oh no oh no he’s moving quietly around the back and oh noooooo

“Kill the girl.”

And he goes for the gun and I think does kill the other guy but then noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

And Dee does scramble over to check on Billy, and Bill goes right to Lee so he’s not alone for more than a few seconds and and and :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ;___________;

Oh no her face. When she comes into the morgue. And. Oh no. “Is this what you gave them?” “It was a calculated risk.” “It wasn’t worth it.”

“Lee, you can’t leave. You have to stay. You have to really stay. You understand?” and. And knowing where Dee’s story is going. And Starbuck hovering in the background. And. “It’s okay. I’ll be here when you wake up. I’ll be right here.”

And then that last shot of Athena’s very alive and unscarred cheek. Man.

ETA: re: some of the Choices Dee is making here--I think a lot of it comes down to her not wanting to be alone, especially given that she was Estranged from her family when the attack happened. She’s probably known that she no longer really wants to be with Billy for a while, but she doesn’t want to leave him until she’s sure of where she stands with Lee, but Lee is a fucking mess, and then Billy surprises her by still being Fully Invested in this relationship and like. I wish she had made better choices here and I think she handled this whole mess Badly, but…when I think about it that way, I can sort of understand what she’s doing here? Especially if she didn’t realize Billy was in this to the point where he was working himself up to propose to her.

She should have done better, this was really cruel to Billy. But.

The Captain’s Hand:

Previously on from Tigh!

And that’s not exactly what Gina said, but it was probably cut. Same thing with that bit about putting Garner in command on Pegasus. “He’s the best they’ve got.”

HOSHI! What a good bean.

And we’re almost a month after the last episode.

Galactica’s the Bucket and Pegasus is the Beast, that’s cute.

I wonder if Lee’s scar sticks around, I’ll have to pay close attention to future shirtless scenes. What a hardship.

((look, I don’t like Lee very much but I am but a simple bi girl and I can appreciate the scenery))

“It’s only a temporary assignment. I should be back again in a couple weeks.” “Why’d the old man pick you?” “One word: Starbuck.” “Is she in hack again?!” “Not yet, but apparently she’s been driving Commander Garner up one bulkhead and down the other since she took over flight training here. And since I won’t be flying combat for a while…”

“Got promoted to Major.” “Don’t sound so happy.” “It’s not that big a deal.” “Yes it is!” “Well, if you think so…”

Aaaaaaand the B plot. Yay. …tempted to just like. Fast-forward over it and ignore it but. …no, I’m doing a full rewatch. I will be good. I will watch the episode. On mute if I have to, but it will be watched.

It is nice to see Chief and Cally again, though. I don’t think we’ve seen them since Epiphanies??? With the sabotage????? No, wait, they were briefly in Scar, nvm.

…I recognize that actor, I think? Garner.

49,584!

“Sir, it’s been made clear that discussing flight deck information with anyone not on Pegasus crew is not allowed.” Ooooookay yeah this is a li’l fucked up. “And who’s frakking bright idea was that?” And the Pegasus guys close ranks, but it was Garner. “So, barely competent and paranoid. That’s a hell of a combination.”

He does have a point about the way things need to be run in an engine room. But you can’t necessarily apply that same rigid exact precision/protocol to everything else that has to happen.

But yeah, Lee et al could probably learn a thing or two from him.

Hi Tory! You are very pretty.

“I’m still here, there’s too much to do. Let’s talk politics.”

“We did polls to see what the mayor should have for lunch.” Lol

“It helps when your only real rival is a convicted terrorist.” Until Baltar, prompted by Head!Six (and apparently Gina) throws a spanner in the works. Woo.

Hi Zarek! You’re an asshole (affectionate)

“For a while, I had a chance, until Laura Roslin ascended from politician to prophet. The truth is, I can’t win. But you could.” Oh, wow, I forgot that Zarek actually approached Baltar and didn’t just jump on when Baltar announced he was running.

And now that his Spite has faded he remembers he hates politics and doesn’t actually want to be in charge lol.

“It’s the office that makes you the perfect candidate. You’re pre-sold.” “Really? To whom?” like genuinely surprised there lol

As a counter to ‘superstitious ravings’ oh boy. “And you, Tom? You’ll just step aside, will you?” Yeah even Baltar isn’t going to think Zarek is doing this without an ulterior motive. ((he’s Not Stupid, like, one of his defining character traits is that he’s Very Much Not Stupid, but...like he’s also real dumb sometimes)) “I’m just happy to back a man of true conviction. A man who remembers his friends.”

“Everyone knock off the schoolyard crap and do your frakking jobs.” Yeah, they did need to hear that, Lee. And Starbuck takes the reprimand well because she knows they deserved it.

Awwww that one guy with a close shave kinda looks like Crashdown. Poor kid.

And Bill mostly cares that Cottle is involved in smuggling people on and off Galactica. Which. You know. Fair.

Cottle interjecting with “She could apply for asylum” and Bill giving him a ‘not now, Doc’ look.

[And apparently the Gemenon rep has Sarah as a canonical name. or possibly she was replaced by Danae in the upcoming election because I like Danae and her bitter rivalry with Fintan and poor Sondra holding the balance point in the middle between the two of them lol. And also dealing with Zarek. And the other eight assholes.]

Lol that ‘what’

And Bill is the one to point out the practical implications here. And she’s still saying no because this is Important for so many reasons. And he reminds her of the ‘we’d better start having babies’ thing and. Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh.

Aaaaaaand Starbuck pieces together ‘received a distress call’

And Lee trying to smooth things over between Garner and Starbuck and. Nope. And now Starbuck is restricted to quarters.

Oh no pushups. Oh no. ma’am. Ma’am please.

“You’ve been on board less than four days.” Lol.

And now they’re having a Fight. “You keep frakking up, and I keep having to clean it up, and I am sick of it!” “Poor Lee, your life is so hard, isn’t it.” “You mean since I got shot.” And she turns away crying to collect herself and now he didn’t mean to go that far and she changes the subject because they Can’t really go there right now.

And Lee’s like “this is almost certainly a trap” and Garner’s like “I disagree we’re taking the whole beast there.”

Bill is also like “uhhhhhhhhh…”

“It’s a scenario we don’t think likely.” “We? …Major Adama, do you concur.” And Lee is honest, and Garner is like, “I don’t share that conclusion.” And Bill says ‘send a five-Raptor flight don’t send the whole Pegasus.’ Aaaaand Garner tells Lee ‘I’m sure your expertise is needed elsewhere.’ Sigh.

Demographic projections. Yay.

“So now it’s our administration? She must be desperate.” Shut up, Head!Six, you’re not helping.

Okay, now we’re saying seven months ago when he ran these numbers--probably for that meeting in Water? He would need that to calculate the resources, probably.

Yikes. “if we continue on our present course, within the next 18 years, the human race will simply be extinct.”

And her voice is breaking when she gives the order. And like…these are very specific circumstances. And this doesn’t change the fact that it will just force the issue underground and make it a Lot Less Safe. But.

It’s just. Right now. Hard to watch. Damn it.

“We go in now, we’re going in blind. We should send a force recon.” And Garner’s like “no, my pilots are dying out there.” What happened to rigid protocols. It’s not the same as in the engine room but there is a reason Adama ordered that you do this in the order you’re doing it.

…graaaaaaanted this is also after he nearly came to blows with Cain over a similar issue so. Uh. There is that.

This poor sergeant who is being given contradictory orders and yeah he chooses to follow Garner and not Lee, regardless of who is right. Because Pegasus is still Tightly Bonded after everything with Cain.

Aaaand the raptor crews are already dead.

SUDDEN (UN)EXPECTED BASESTAR! …THREE OF THEM!

((Yeah, Garner’s a That Guy; I’ve seen him in a bunch of guest spots in other things))

Aaaand FTL is out so they’re Stuck.

Lol. “Sergeant, I think you have better things to do.”

And Garner is fixated on fixing the FTL drives. Trying to talk the engine room guys through it, but “they don’t seem to understand.” And he goes down, leaving Lee in command.

And Lee’s voice shaking just a little. “I have the con.” And then he pulls himself together and starts giving the necessary orders because he does know what he’s doing.

“Mr. Gaeta, any contact?” “Negative, sir.”

And that’s one basestar exploded!

And Garner does put his ass on the line and get himself killed to save the ship. Because he’s got a stick up his ass the size of Jupiter but he is a good man. “Close the hatch behind me. We’re losing air. Close the gods-damned hatch! Close it!”

Oh, maybe it didn’t blow up, but it’s leaving.

And he’s running out of air but he keeps hitting the valve with the hammer and then the light goes green and then he passes out, pulling the lever as he does.

It might have been better if we’d had a little more time with Garner, oh well.

Oh that was a cool shot, Starbuck coming in upside down.

“Starbuck’s report wasn’t so kind.” Yeah. And Lee still has the watch.

“In your opinion, off the record--what was Garner’s flaw?” “He was used to working with machines. Command is about people.” “Remember that. I want you to take command of the Beast.” And Lee like ‘whut’ “Garner was my decision. His failures are my responsibility. Don’t let me fail a second time.”

GDI STUPID FUCKING LIGHTER MUSIC MAKING ME CRY

49,579.

And yeah, Rya got grandfathered in, so to speak. And was granted asylum.

“My order came after she sought her procedure. No laws were broken.” “You have your pound of flesh. And I suggest you take your victory and move on.”

“You realize you’re screwed, right?” “Well, it could be worse. You could be my CAG.” “I’m gonna stay here and be Galactica’s CAG. Something about wanting to keep an eye on me.” “Well, you and Colonel Tigh have a lot of fun at those early-morning briefings, ‘cause the XO’s a lot of fun first thing in the morning.” And then she gives him a sincere Congratulations after all the teasing because when they work they do but the hand-holding and ugh. “I know why I was mad at you, Kara.” “A simple thank you would do.” “Cause you were doing what you always do. Bucking authority, and getting away with it. I bucked authority once, and it almost cost me everything. And I got to Pegasus, and there you were, doing it all over again. And it pissed me off, I guess.” “You should hear the way my brain works sometimes. …are we okay?” “…you have a brain?” and then they hug. And if it weren’t for the Quadrangle of Why clearly Lurking in the wings and that gd handholding I would like this moment a lot more.

Aaaaaand now the press conference where Baltar hijacks it and announces he’s running for president because. Of Course.

((I remembered the election arc lasting way longer than it actually does? Especially since Downloaded has. Like. Five minutes with the fleet and all of that is Hera’s birth and kidnapping.))

Oh, this is interesting. He starts out defending the decision, because he knows the reasons for it. “The decision has been made in good faith. …I, however, cannot in good conscience support it.”

And Head!Six watching him from the back with that little half-smile.

Yeah, Roslin was not expecting that.

And that slow clap from Head!Six damn. As the rest of the sound other than the BGM fades out.

So yeah, this episode is. Not great. Even without the IRL Timing. If Black Market was better than I remembered, this one was worse than I remembered. Even the A plot. I think we didn’t know Garner (or the engine crew types; especially with guys like Chief and Laird who are more flexible in contrast) well enough for it to hit the way it needed to. Also the fucking Quadrangle of Why I hate it so much.

Downloaded:

HELL YEAH I LOVE THIS ONE.

((full disclosure, I did spot-rewatch this one before I started this project))

Sharon gets the previously-on!

Okay, so, this is nine months after the miniseries.

And the first time we actually See someone wake up in a resurrection tank! …I wonder what that goo actually was. I’m sure the answer is out there somewhere but I’m too lazy to look it up.

(also like; if only for fic-writing purposes, I do think about that moment where--maybe he was stunned/knocked out for a second and he wakes up next to her body)

Other!Six has Concerns.

And the rest of Caprica’s brain wakes up and she asks about Gaius and surprise Head!Baltar!

And he immediately tells her that only she can see him.

Oh, there’s a Five there.

“If they know how you feel about me, it’ll be a problem.”

((Also, Eights tend to wear really soft, pretty things when they’re among other Cylons? Just a thing I noticed, especially with the midwife!Eight))

Okay, ten weeks later--does that line up with the timestamps we were given before? ::scrolls up to check:: I know that the S1 finale was around day 50…okay, Tigh was in command for ‘more than a week,’ based on my notes, and Boomer getting shot happens right when Bill wakes up…ehhhhh, that seems Off to me but who the hell knows.

…oh that’s interesting. Boomer is in restraints/cuffed to the tub, I don’t think Caprica was? ::rewinds to double-check:: yeah, nothing on Caprica’s wrists.

((side note--I spent some time in the Supernatural fandom, as one does, and Head!Baltar was an easter egg/cameo in a fic I’m still pretty proud of XD he was going to play a bigger part in future arcs in the same story but then I fell out of that fandom for a variety of reasons. So. Yeah, there it is))

“You’re in God’s hands. We’re all here with you. This will pass. Trust me. Everything’s going to be all right.” “Welcome home, little sister. We’re here. We’re going to take care of you.” “We’re proud of you, Sharon.” “And we love you.” Thaaaat’s a creepy little smile, Other!Eight. and then Boomer just SCREAMS.

49,579!

“I was thinking it symbolized rebirth. A new beginning.” Aww, her little smile at him. “It’s a memorial. Do you know how many people died in this park during the attack? In this park alone?” And then Sudden Unexpected D’anna and they jerk apart.

“Even after all this time, I still feel awkward.”

LOL all three of them crossing their legs in unison.

“You are a war hero, we could not have won without you.” And her smile gets a little frozen, and even more so when the Five comes up to tell her she’s inspiring.

“I find it absolutely amazing, you people went to all the trouble to appear human and didn’t bother to upgrade the plumbing!”

…I wonder when the last time Cottle actually did any OB stuff was XD Since he’s been assigned to an active battlestar, probably any pregnant personnel are transferred elsewhere?

“That mission could be profoundly disturbing.” “Disturbing? Does she mean sleeping with me, or killing billions of people? Because I rather thought you enjoyed sleeping with me.” “It was…difficult at times.” And then Three (who may or may not be the same Three as Final Cut; it is an Endless Source of internal debate for me XD I read somewhere that there was a deleted scene involving D’Anna and Gina that made them Definitively separate? But that isn’t in the actual show…and also doesn’t answer which of them is involved in the S3 stuff XD)

…I had a point.

Right. Three is saying ‘you should help Boomer reintegrate’ and Caprica is like ‘uhhhhhhhhhhh not sure I’m the right girl for that?’

And Three just plunges on calling her Caprica instead of Six.

Also LOL at James Callis’s face as Head!Baltar bounces back and forth between Caprica and Three.

“There’s talk of boxing her.” “Putting her memories in cold stories?” “Well, that’s a charming way of dealing with emotional problems. One might almost call it inhuman. Oh, that’s right, you are.” And then she glares at him a little bit/is about to snark back before Three/D’Anna pulls her focus back.

SAM \o/

Yay, baby is crying! Also…like…they are implying that Hera is Way more premature than she actually is? If we’re at around day 270 (assuming nine thirty-day months), she was conceived on day 24. That puts Athena at 35 weeks along, which is…way closer to term and actually around when someone with placenta previa might be induced (I looked into this for an unrelated story). …and also that’s counting from the date of conception, not the date of last menstrual cycle. If we assume an average four-week cycle, that would put her at around 37 weeks, which is pretty damn close to full term and no longer considered premature? (37-38 weeks is ‘early term’ and used to be considered full-term).

…then again, Athena was having morning sickness way early and the timeline of this pregnancy has never really made sense but it Jumps Out At Me, okay XD

...I’m putting way too much thought into this, lol. Let’s move on.

Also Helo is fretting adorably and I love him.

Back to Caprica and Boomer!

“You here to kick me out?” “No.” “You here to help me with my adjustment problems? I could save you some time.” Also I like Boomer’s taste in music. And watching her do pullups. …shut up.

“If you knew what you were, and you lived on Caprica, you know what that makes you? A really good liar.”

“Start with the elephants.” Head!Baltar is helping! Like, Actually helping! (And this gets brought into The Plan!)

Awwww, Boomer’s fake parents are super cute.

“Don’t get religious with this one. What are you thinking?” because Caprica is genuinely devout.

“This is love! I didn’t pretend to feel something so I could screw someone over!” And Caprica looks over at Head!Baltar, who is looking back at her. “I loved them. And then I betrayed them. I shot a man I loved, frakked over another man, ruined his life, and why? Because I’m a lying machine!” And then she throws the picture and the cut on Caprica’s face and yessssss let Caprica be devious.

“Nicely done. You timed it perfectly.” And the sad and slightly-ashamed look she gives him.

((a few months ago, I wrote a monstrosity of an essay on redemption arcs and different types and how they’re used; the second half of it was a whole case study on the way the narrative treats Caprica’s arc vs. Baltar’s. I’m not going to repeat the whole essay here but the gist of it was hers is much smoother/right from the moment of her reintroduction she’s shown to be much softer/much easier to forgive in a lot of ways. And there are Many reasons for that, ranging from the Point of her storyline to the Feelings evoked by an enemy agent vs. a traitor, and also ::gestures:: https://textsfromgalactica.tumblr.com/post/150634851964 …anyway, it’s something I’m going to pay attention to as we see more of Caprica over the next two seasons. But basically, even though I know there are specific Doylistic reasons why we have to highlight her most positive qualities Immediately and stick to them as much as possible, it’s nice to be reminded that she is an extremely talented spy and manipulator.))

“Never saw a Cyon show fear before. Especially the Sixes. Usually so hardcore.” “Feign fear and emotional vulnerability. You’re very good, you know. But I’m better. Let me help you. I’m different.” “I’m different.” “I’m more like you.” “I’m more like you.” “I had someone here. A man. I loved him, and I think he could’ve loved me, eventually.” And ohhhhhhh the way they drift into Unison and the VERY DIFFERENT VIBE to the nuke scene back in season one I love it I love it I love it.

((also I love that line))

And she looks back at him, and there’s a Lot on their faces.

Also there is probably A Lot to unpack here with the Caprica resistance and the types of bombings they’re planning vs. the New Caprica resistance vs. groups like the Demand Peace movement vs. Zarek etc. etc. Especially given when this show was written and came out. But that is not what I am here for personally, at least not for any kind of deep dive, but it is interesting. Especially here, where Sam is laying out the rationale for blowing up the café and it’s presented in a neutral-shading-positive light, even in the episode (slash string of episodes, especially given Gina) that are emphasizing that ‘wait, let’s deconstruct this idea that Cylons aren’t people). And then on New Caprica, there’s no bones about ‘we are doing awful things and the blood will weigh on our hands but it is Necessary.’ And again with Zarek and other on-screen bombers and…yeah. It’s a Thing.

“Three minutes, ten seconds.” “Boom.” The way he says ‘boom,’ man.

“I always loved the view. Sunlight on the water…it’s my favorite spot in the universe.” “Yes, it’s magical. Too bad you nuked it.” “After I downloaded, I went back to the ruins of his house.” “Why?” “Like you, I was looking for some kind of connection to him. Found some of his things, even held onto them for a while. But then I realized they were keeping me from truly embracing my new life.” “So what’d you do with them?” “I burned them. But I felt liberated.” “Yeah, it’s a beautiful story, isn’t it. Shame it’s all a pack of lies.” And then the little Look they share, and the way she reaches for the glass…and then she’s a lot better at covering the gesture to Someone Who’s Not There than Gaius is XD

“He was the one who betrayed us?” “Us--oh, I love it. This one thinks she’s more human than Cylon. Just like someone else I know.”

And then her FACE when Boomer tells her. “He’s…he’s alive?” “He’s…the Vice President of the Colonies. You didn’t know that?”

“If I want to toss a baby out an airlock, I’d say so.” I do love that line a lot.

And Head!Six wants him to take the baby.

Awwwwww Athena!!!!!! Her and Helo smiling down at the baby and so so so cute I love them they deserved better.

“Our little girl--we made her!” “Almost makes you want to believe in the Cylon god. …almost.” “I love you so completely.” So cuuuuuuuuuute.

“Why do you think they kept it from you?” “Is the wrong question.”

“She’s frakking with you. Can’t you see it?” “But why?” “Oh, it’s so perfectly obvious. You know, for a self-aware cybernetic lifeform, sometimes you can be unbearably obtuse.” “Oh, for God’s sake.” “Careful.” SUDDEN UNEXPECTED THREE. She does that a lot in this episode, doesn’t she XD

“I was hoping you’d see the light after talking to our friend here.” “She is lying, unfortunately. She has no wish to see Sharon cured. They’re just going to do it. They’re going to box her.”

And Boomer isn’t sure what Caprica’s playing at but she’s following her lead because Three is giving off Vibes. “What about now? I’ll help! The apartment’s right upstairs.” “Sure. Let me just get some things.”

And Sam’s ohshit face when there’s a Centurion in the garage.

Lot of classic cars down here, too.

But Sam distracted the Centurion before it could pull the cigarette and then it blew up before it could fire back. Yay!

“This is not a debate. This child will not be raised by the Cylon, and I cannot risk Cylon agents getting their hands on it. What I need from you is your help.” “Fine. I don’t like it, but have it your way.” And of course she already has a list of adoptive parents ready.

((So I 100% understand what Roslin is doing here and why. I also 100% understand why, in all the lists I’ve seen of her Best and Worst decisions, stealing the baby almost always tops the Worst list (attempting to steal the election sometimes beats it out.)))

And they do what they can for Caprica with what they have down here and offer a mercy kill so she can download because Pain but she refuses. “I’m not gonna give up on life again.”

Oh yeah that was. A Very Serious Break.

SAM BEING A CYLON MAKES THIS WHOLE THING EVEN BETTER BECAUSE WE’RE ALL CYLONS HERE.

…huh, Sam has to recognize Three, there are only so many skinjob faces, but he’s pretty chill? I wonder if some of his buried memories got shook loose by the concussion (and then immediately reburied by the second concussion XD)

“Humans don’t respect life the way we do.”

“I won’t let you kill him.” “She’s right. Don’t kill him.” “Why not?!” “Hm. Why not kill him? You’ve already killed billions of people. Do you honestly believe one more body is going to weigh any heavier on your conscience?” “…we should interrogate him. Find his accomplices.”

“She was on Caprica a couple of weeks ago.” TIMELINES MEAN NOTHIIIIIIIIING “She escaped with the help of another Sharon.” “If she gave him this, he meant something for her.” And Three tosses it aside with contempt, and it lands next to Caprica.

“You have it in your hand. Hard physical proof of one person’s love for another. If only felt this deeply about us.” “I did. …I do. I love you, Gaius.” “Where’s the tangible proof?”

Oh god the way Sharon is crying. “I should’ve been here.”

“I don’t kill patients.” And yeah Sharon is not hearing that right now and I cannot at all blame her. And based on the look on his face, neither can Cottle.

And that shot of Helo releasing the ashes into space, and Chief is with him, and  :(((((((((((((

Oh right this terrifying bit. Especially when lined up against all the Caprica and Head!Baltar stuff.

“You let them murder our child.” And he’s shaking. “I am so sorry. I tried.” “God’s will was that our child should survive.” And he’s crying. And she hauls him up. “His will was that you would protect her,” and then she slams him against the wall. “You have committed a monstrous and unforgiveable sin and you and your entire wretched race are going to suffer God’s vengeance.” And the fact that it is so quiet, other than when she throws him across the room, is. Is what makes it so much more terrifying. Because we’ve seen her rage loud before--like in the nuke scene--but this. Fuck.

Maya is such a sweetheart. And one of the few fully unproblematic people in this show XD

“The mother must remain anonymous for political and religious reasons.” And Roslin’s like “I’m gonna drop in occasionally” and Maya is just so happy to have a baby after she lost hers that she doesn’t realize that’s a little Weird.

“Thank you. I know how awful this was for you. But trust me, it was imperative. As far as the Cylons know, this child no longer exists. That is a good, good thing.” And Cottle on one level knows that, but on another level--he was the one who had to face Sharon and Helo’s grief.

“At least I’m not a murderer. I have a conscience. And I know the difference between right and wrong.” “A murderer is exactly what you are.”

“Life is short, but the next one’s not. Let your heart adrift, and your soul will get caught.” “I love you, Gaius. My heart and soul are yours.”

“You know why they wanted you to work with Sharon? So you’d lose your mind. They’re going to box you, darling, just like they’re going to box Sharon.” “…we’re dangerous. Sharon and I. we’re celebrities in a culture based on unity. Our voices count. More than hers. More than others. We’re two heroes of the Cylon, right? Two heroes with different perspective on the war? Perspective based on our love of two human beings? That’s why she wanted me to work with you. So you’d tell me that Gaius was still alive. She wanted me to lose my mind.” “You’re corrupted by your experiences. You’re a waste.”

And she took her eyes of Sam and he’s eyeing the gun.

“Believe the lies. Ignore the truth. Listen to me. I will show you the proof. Speak from your heart. Say the things that you know to be true.” “Jealousy, murder, vengeance--they’re all sins in the eyes of God. That’s what you and I know. That’s what they don’t want to hear.” “Because then they’d have to rethink what they’re doing. They’d have to consider that maybe the slaughter of mankind was a mistake!”

Debris shifts! And he goes for the gun!

“God loves me!” and then Caprica bashes her head in with a rock. “See you again soon!”

And they let Sam go. “You can stay and be tortured if you want. Your call.” And they give him the tags, the Tangible Proof. “…who are you? What kind of people are you?” “I don’t know.” And then Sharon gives him the gun!

“How long until she downloads?” “There were a lot of people in the café. At least 36 hours before they get to her. …long enough?” “For what?” “To change things for the better.” “What are you talking about?” “I have never loved anyone more in my life than I love you now.” “Our people need a new beginning. A new way to live in God’s love. Without hate. Without all the lies. All they need is for someone to show them the way. Someone like two heroes of the Cylons.” And she reaches out her hand. “I’m with you.”

I really wish this had Lasted. And I know that New Caprica crushes a lot of this optimism but.

“We found them! They’re alive!” “Yes, we are.” “We’re alive.” Echoing that thread ‘are you alive’ from way back in the miniseries--the first words in the show, I think.

I love this episode so much.

Lay Down Your Burdens 1:

Baltar gets the previously-on!

Hurray for debate prep (although nothing will ever beat Abbey cutting Bartlett’s tie in that one West Wing episode XD)

YAY WE’RE GOING BACK FOR SAM! Aka the part of this season finale I actually like lol

Damn losses of up to 20%.

“Everything will turn out as it should.” Not as reassuring as you think it is.

“What happens if the moderator doesn’t have a pencil?” “Then you’re pretty screwed.” Lol

And Athena is here to be an interface again! Slightly less Distressingly than the last time I hope.

“Don’t let your anger drive you into blasphemy, Gaius.” And then she pets him. And then she slams his face into the table.

“Ready?” “Yeah, just taking a little nap.” And the way he’s so casual about saying it. Man.

And Lee giving the people going on the rescue mission a pep talk

“We find any rock with food and water, I’ll build you a bar.” Lol.

“You okay?” “Can I go now?” Athena :(((((((((((

“I’m going to wipe the floor with you Gaius.” Yeeeeeeep she is.

And Helo checking in with Athena and :(((((( “don’t shut me out, not now.” “Something dark is coming, Helo. I can feel it. I can feel it lurking out there, waiting.” “What do you mean? Back on Caprica?” “No, not on the mission. Not any specific thing. It’s more like a dark time.”

And now there’s this bit. Fuck fuck fuck.

49,579!

CAVIL! God what an entertaining asshole.

“You thought you’d have an easier time with a priest than a real doctor, okay.”

“I pray to the gods every night, but I don’t think they listen to me.” “You know how useless prayer is? Chanting and singing and mucking about with old half-remembered lines of bad poetry. And you know what it gets you? Exactly nothing.” “……are you sure you’re a priest?” “I’ve been preaching longer than you’ve been sucking down oxygen.” LOL

“The problem is, you’re screwed up, heart and mind. Not the gods, not fate or the universe, you.” “Thanks for the pep talk.”

“I hope you find him, Kara. I really do.” “So do I.”

Yeah, he kind of is an empty suit when it comes to actual policy. Which is why Zarek is involved, because he thinks he can be the puppetmaster if he can just get Gaius through this election.

“You gotta keep hitting her on the religious thing.” “The mob isn’t usually in the habit of electing godless apostates who denigrate people of faith.” And Head!Six draping herself over Zarek XD it’s gotta be a special kind of fun, acting around someone else’s hallucination, especially when said hallucination is in your physical space like that lol

“I’m so assured right now, Tom, that I’m just going to sit back and wait for the hand of God to reach down and change my political fortunes. How about that.”

And Kara asks for a private talk with Adama to say thank you and goodbye. “Did I ever say thank you?” “No. then again, that would be a first, wouldn’t it.” “::laughs:: Thank you.” “Just come back in one piece. That’ll be thanks enough. Good hunting.” Awwwwww

Aww, Sharon. “I still can’t believe you talked me into this.” “It’s important. And I’ll be with you, there and back. It’s you and me from now on, no matter what. Just like we agreed.” “I know, I know. And I appreciate it, Helo. I really do. …I just can’t get her out of my head. Our little girl.” And the Marines are watching and yeaaaaah. Poor babies.

Yeah it is MUCH less disturbing when it’s like an IV and not an improvised whatever the fuck that was.

Oh, Racetrack. Who knows what went wrong but of course she found the Important Thing, she finds all the important things now that Boomer is gone.

“Mission rules say we keep going until we lose three, so we keep going. Racetrack will just have to find her way back to base. Hell of a way to start, though.”

“Were you having a nightmare when she woke you up?” “I don’t remember,” he lied, like a liar. “Oh. Been having any recurring dreams lately?” “No.” “Okay. That’s what we in the pray trade call a lie. And lies won’t get you anywhere.” Look Cavil isn’t quite on Zarek’s level of “and then there’s THIS asshole (affectionate);” mostly because while he is Very Entertaining/Funny, he’s not…well, he’s not Zarek. But at the same time XD

Yeah that is an Unsettling dream. “Every night it’s the same.” “For how long?” “A couple weeks?” “You were having the same dream when Cally woke you up, right?” “I don’t know. I don’t remember. …does it matter?”

“I don’t have a secret desire to kill myself.” “You’re right, it’s obvious. The question is, why?”

“Hey, you know what this is? It’s habitable.” Barely, but they don’t know that yet. “Maybe we’re not just a bunch of frakups after all.

Yay, Felix’s tattoo!

“Less than 20% of that place even supports human life, so--” “you’re not seeing the big picture. This is your new home. The place where you’ll start a new life. This is your future, Gaius.” “Oh, well, there’s a difference of opinion.” “What’s that?” “Oh, nothing, Tom.” lol Zarek is Not used to Baltar’s madness the way the others are.

Also, like…I can’t help but remember two years ago Head!Six promising Vengeance, and I know it’s not as simple as not listening to her, not with everything she is to him, buuuuuuuuuuuuut.

“You are a genius.” “And?” LOL “Pay attention. You’re about to win the election.” “…I’m sorry. What were you saying, Tom?”

“It may look dreary, it may be dreary, but it’s solid ground under your feet and a real sky above your head. You’d be surprised how much that means to people cooped up in metal boxes for nine months.” True, which is why this works. But.

LOL “He’s a smart sexy man like you.”

“Give up.” “What?” “Give up…on Earth?” “Yes.” “…it’s starting to look like a lovely little planet after all.”

“People vote their hopes, not their fears. Baltar’s offering them what they want to hear, and you’re offering them bitter reality.” Yep. Yep yep yep. I mean, that’s not 100% true, plus he’s actually kind of playing on both fear and hope (with the whole ‘this is a refuge because nebula’ aspect).

“Oh, for gods’ sake, Chief! You think you’re a Cylon!” “I’m not a Cylon.” “Of course you’re not. But that’s what you’re afraid of, that you might be a Cylon and not even know it. Just like Boomer. Right?” oh the Hilarious in Hindsight XD

“The truth is, you might [do a terrible thing]. But not because you’re a Cylon. Because you’re a human being, and human beings do terrible things all the time.” “But how do you know I’m human?” “Oh, well maybe because I’m a Cylon and I haven’t seen you at any of the meetings.” IT’S FUNNY CAUSE IT’S TRUE.

Aww, weirdly cute how Cavil is pointing out that the deck crew are Chief’s family. And also weirdly horrible. Because it’s Cavil saying it.

And the last jump taking them into atmosphere! “Be ready for wind shear, rain, storms--anything.”

Oh noooooooooo one raptor jumped right into a mountain. And when Helo realizes how they lost that one. Oh man.

And because he interrupted, Baltar gets the last word. Yay.

“Not your night, I guess.” “Why don’t you go frak yourself.” LOL

Sneaking through the pretty, pretty radioactive forest!

Oh, hey, using Helo’s actual name for like the third time in the series!

…man, winter must have been hell for Sam’s people.

YAY SAM

“Is there a Kara Thrace there?” “If there is, tell her she took her good sweet time getting here!”

Yaaaaaay hugs ^_^

“All right, just shut up and save us already.” Looooool I love them

Aaaaaand now we’re getting shot at/bombed/Something Not Good.

Ah, shelled. From between their current position and the raptors. Very Not Good.

Lay Down Your Burdens 2:

Starbuck gets the previously on! ((The subtitles are pretty consistently wrong on these))

Huh, for some reason I thought Gina was in more episodes than this? I mean I also thought that the election arc was longer so make of that what you will.

Yeah that bit in the previously-on was cut from the prior episode. So maybe Gina was in more episodes, but most of her scenes got cut.

Oh man and right from the previously-on into the credits I don’t think they usually do that???

49,550. Probably accounting for the raptor that jumped into a mountain.

Wow the flashy bits just. Right away show Cloud 9 getting blown up.

Lol Cottle, I love you.

This was also Never going to be a healthy relationship and just. Man.

“It was me. I may have been out of my mind and didn’t know where I was or what I was doing, but it was me.” Good on Chief for taking responsibility for what he did.

Aaaand then the shooting just. Stops. Which is Also disturbing.

Because like Sharon says, they want living prisoners. Yeaaaaaah.

And Helo’s face, hearing Starbuck offering Sam a suicide pact if that happens wow.

“He’s got the only issue people care about.” “That’s all anyone wants to talk about, this frakking planet. …excuse my language.”

“I know that settling on this planet will be a disaster for humanity and I will not say otherwise just to win an election.”

“There’s always a backup plan for victory.”

And after eighteen hours, no knockout gas lands on them. I do love timestamps, though!

“They could’ve overrun us any time during the night.” “They’re up to something.”

“Do the same thing we always do. Fight ‘em ‘til we can’t.” Oh maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.

And now we send out a recon crew to see what the frak is happening! Aaaaaand the Cylons are no longer there! “They just left.”

“Thank the gods! It’s a miracle.” HI PHILOSOPHER!CAVIL YOU ACTUALLY ARE “and then there’s this asshole (affectionate)”

And of Course he’s the priest Roslin was talking to (since his chapel’s on Galactica per The Plan it does make sense plus conservation of characters and Let’s Really Drive Home That We’re Introducing Another Cylon Here In The Most Intense Way XD)

Don’t be a dick, Gaius.

“The question of permanent settlement may be the most important question we’ve faced since the attacks.” “I agree.” “Good.” And then she wants to table the notion until after the election which yeah he was never going to agree to that. But it was worth a shot. Exhausting all other options before going for stealing the election.

(Also it’s what they actually should do but that’s neither here nor there.)

“This issue transcends personal disagreement as well as politics. I am appealing here to your sense of patriotism.”

…and it’s very telling that we don’t see Head!Six in this scene, despite it (I think?) being more his POV than Roslin’s. and that he took that pause before answering her.

And he’s already named it New Caprica, or someone did.

Ooooooh. “Were you with a blonde woman on Caprica just prior to the attack?” (And, again, that on its own is not actually damning but when you add it together with all the other Little Things, amplified by her personal hatred for him…yeaaaaah.)

And there’s Head!Six! “She knows.”

“She can see right through you. Get out of here now.”

And Ellen and Saul are Bickering as they so often do.

Oh, Chief shaved since last episode.

“Am I good or what?” “There’s gonna be no living with her now.” LOL

Awwww, that little nosewrinkle before Bill hugs her.

LOL that “I see” was very much “Dad sizing up his daughter’s new boyfriend” XDXDXD

And Chief’s face when he hears Philosopher!Cavil’s voice confirming the truce!

And Helo’s little glance at Athena; did she know and not say something.

“Well, this is an awkward moment. Yes, he’s right, I’m a Cylon. And I have a message. So, take me to your leader.” I LOVE PHILOSOPHER!CAVIL!

Aaaaand yeah, Athena gets taken to the brig too and Helo tries to claim she didn’t know but…yeah.

But then when Helo goes to talk to her. “Why the frak didn’t you say anything?” “I don’t know. Maybe I didn’t want to. Maybe I wanted him to come back and blow up the whole ship. Is that what you’re looking for?” “You don’t mean that. Sharon, we finally got the Admiral trusting us. Finally! And what?!” “They killed my baby. You think I care about you or us or whether the Admiral trusts me anymore?” and she’s not entirely telling the truth there, but she’s not entirely lying, either.

“Sharon I LOVE YOU and I am not giving up this frakking easy, not after everything!” and…I’m actually kind of okay with not seeing how they work back together/get married over the skipped year? Because they’re my babies and I want them to be happy. Only good things for the fighting Agathons.

LOL Sam. “You don’t have to get me drunk, I will sleep with you.”

But yeah that’s some mood whiplash, jumping from that scene with Helo and Athena to this one with Sam and Kara.

Sudden Unexpected Lee! Frakking Quadrangle of Why.

“Do you wanna meet my man?” “Your man?” “My personal property. Right, Sammy?” “Don’t call me Sammy.”

“Lee, when are you gonna get yourself a girl?” “I’m doing fine, thank you.” “You’re not still frakkin’ Dualla, are you?” and then he’s like “okay she’s at This stage of drunk and also the Awkward I’m just gonna bow out.” Also Sam gives her a little “really? Not cool” look, which I appreciate. He and Dee deserved so much better than the Quadrangle of Why.

“I mean, I’m not one to like lecture or anything, cause I’ll do anything to get into the pants of some hot little young thing--” “hey! Is that all I am to you?” “Yes, but you love it.” “It’s all right, I don’t mind doing charity work.” XD Okay I genuinely do love Sam and Kara and also Smoothie King is playing in my head again (one of the three best decisions I made for that Cylon ship mix a million years ago XD)

((the other two were ‘as long as you love me’ for helo and athena and ‘grace is gone’ for the tighs. …actually the ones I had for gina/baltar and tory/baltar were pretty good, too but not on the level of those three. …I’m pretty proud of that mix in general.))

And she does mutter something that I think is ‘you know you’re more than that to me.’ And then the door shuts and she’s like “where did he go?” and then Sex happens XD

“I’m here to deliver a message. After that, you can do whatever you want with me. I don’t care.” “Would you mind telling me what’s going on? I’m not a frakking Cylon! I’m not--oh. Well. Okay, then.” Still the best XD “Sorry to bust up your day, brother.”

And Fleet!Cavil deathglaring at Philosopher!Cavil because he’s Not Happy but then Immediately jumps in to dunk on humanity. “You see, we’re not like you. We can admit our mistakes and we’re not afraid of change.”

“So you abandoned the Colonies, leaving behind a devastated nuclear wasteland.” “And we’re supposed to be grateful.”

“We became what we beheld. We became you.” “People should be true to who and what we are. We’re machines. We should be true to that. Be the best machines the world has ever seen. But we got it into our heads that we were the children of humanity. So instead of pursuing our own destiny, of trying to find our own path to enlightenment, we hijacked yours.”

“My mission is to tell you that you’ve been given a reprieve. Cylon and man will go their separate ways. No harm done.” “………..no harm.” Yeaaaaaaaaah.

“Supernatural divinities are the primitive’s answer for why the sun goes down at night. At least that’s what we’ve been telling the others for years. Can’t really prove it one way or another, of course.” “I know a way to prove it. Throw them both out the airlock, let them see if there really is a Cylon god.”

It is really interesting, watching Fleet!Cavil take cues from Philosopher!Cavil here. Also the way Fleet!Cavil was watching Tigh through not-insignificant chunks of that conversation, I think especially on the ‘children of humanity’ line? Let me rewind to check. …hard to tell, actually, if he’s looking at Adama or Tigh. Oh, well.

Oh, hey, the Demetrius is listed on the board of ships for the vote tally! Neat!

That’s a nice little procedural blip, with Zarek questioning the military having a role in counting the votes. And one of the cases where I think he’s fully genuine, and not making a Good Point but for Such Self-Serving Reasons that he undercuts it.

Okay, 21,569 for Baltar, 17,754 for Roslin.

And now Tory sends the signal to steal the election. “There are only five ships left to report in. we need to move now.” And Tigh as her co-conspirator! And also Dee.

And the stolen votes are from the Zephyr! Which is I think where the Quorum is, or was a few episodes ago. And also comes up again with Hughes at the end of S3.

Except now they’re saying this is the last one?

24,265 for Roslin, 22,366 for Baltar. But it will be double-checked.

“I’ve seen a lot of elections, Gaius. Most honest, a few fixed. And you can always tell the fixed ones because they don’t make sense. And this doesn’t make sense.” “Laura Roslin is many things. But she’s not corrupt. And she’s not dishonest. It’s over.” And again we get one of Gaius’s Genuine moments here.

“I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but are you as shocked as I am?” “I’m relieved.” “Well, you don’t sound it.” “I’m just tired. It’s been a long campaign.”

Aaaaaaand Gaeta figures it out because he is a Good Bean.

I wonder how they misspelled Gaius. Probably either dropped a letter or doubled one XD

“Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I’ll take care of it from here.” And Gaeta’s like “okay but we have to let the observers and the press--” “I said I’ll take care of it from here.”

Aaaaand Gaeta’s onto Tigh specifically and immediately goes over Tigh’s head and calls Adama. “I’m not sure how to say this.” “Fast and straight, I’d advise.” “Yes, sir. Admiral, I believe that Colonel Tigh is involved in a conspiracy to rig the election for President Roslin.”

And Bill first talks to Tigh, then goes to Roslin. “I agreed [that Baltar as president would be a disaster] but.” And Roslin admits it. “I gave Tory the go-ahead. I didn’t know exactly what she was planning, and I certainly didn’t know about Colonel Tigh. But I did know that she was planning to fix the vote.” “You tried to steal an election?” “Yes, I did. And I got caught. But Gaius Baltar cannot become President of the Colonies, Bill. It cannot happen.” “Laura…I don’t want him as President either, but…” “He’s working with the Cylons. I saw him just before the attack on Caprica with a copy of the tall blonde Cylon woman, the same model who accused him of treason before disappearing from Galactica.” “What the hell are you saying? Why didn’t you say something before this?” “Because I didn’t remember seeing him with that woman until I remembered it when I was dying. I know how that sounds, but it’s real. The same way Kobol is real, and the tomb of Athena is real, and the map to Earth is real. Baltar is working with the Cylons.” “Even if that’s true, we have no proof.” “No, I don’t.” “…do we steal the results of a democratic election or not? That’s the decision. Because if we do this, we’re criminals. Unindicted, maybe, but criminals just the same.” “Yes, we are.” “You won’t do it. You’ve gone this far, but that’s it.” “Excuse me?” “You try to steal this election, you’ll die inside. The people made their choice. We’re gonna have to live with it.” “It’s the wrong choice.” “Yes, it is.” “…all right.”

I don’t really have much to add to that transcription but. Man. Man oh man oh man.

And Baltar is like “….what the hell kind of error.” “I suggest you take your victory and leave it at that.” And he will. Because whatever else he is, he does know that things need to Function and if he’s in an open fight with Bill they Will Not. “…I can be magnanimous.”

“Let’s get a good look at our new home. Gods help us all.”

And this conversation with Gina. “I’m not going to New Caprica.” “What? What are you talking about?” “I’m not going to New Caprica.” “We’re all going to New Caprica. All of us. It’s our chance to be together. To be together again.” “No.” “…I can’t do this anymore.” “…stay?”

This is. Such a sad and uncomfortable moment. Because she knows what she’s about to do, and she’s giving him this before she does even though she doesn’t want to, and he wants her to be Caprica and while he knows on some level she isn’t and ohhhhhhh that shot of her walking out of the frame echoes one from Head!Six earlier and oh man. Oh man oh man oh man. And that shot of her reaching for his hand and him taking it also echoes some stuff on Kobol and this is so fucked up.

And Some Other Priest swears Baltar in. And it’s cut together with him and Gina and and and and.

And then Gina with the bomb as he’s Actually being sworn in and giving the order to settle New Caprica.

And her sitting naked in front of the nuke.

Oh shit Cloud Nine takes out at least one other ship when it goes I had forgotten that. Holy shit.

“We suspect the warhead was stolen from your lab, then smuggled aboard Cloud 9 by a Cylon agent.” And Bill suggests they focus on internal security. “No. our first priority is to see that people are safely established on New Caprica. Once that’s accomplished, we can put this tragedy behind us.” “You’re not listening.” “I don’t have to listen. I’m the President.”

And that shot of him Alone at the desk. That very long shot as he’s starting to break down.

One year later!

Okay so there might be another legislature besides the Quorum? Whatever the People’s Council might be.

Lol the painting.

People complain because they’re safe now. They have room in their minds and time on their hands to focus on these (seemingly and not actually in some cases) petty issues.

Yeaaaaah he’s spent the whole year high. (which I headcanon as him trying to keep Head!Six at bay.)

Okay, day 380 of the settlement. And all those shots of empty rooms/halls on Galactica because most people have settled.

Aaaaaaand I’m sorry I know that Very Serious Shit is about to happen but the MOUSTACHE XDXDXDXD

“I feel like I’m abandoning my post.” Aw, Tigh. “It’s time to pack it in, Saul. You know it. More than half the crew is down there on the ground already. We can barely put a squadron in the air to train, much less fly a CAP.” “You’re staying. “Someone has to take care of the lighthouse.”

“We’ve been orbiting New Caprica longer than we were running after the attack. I don’t think they’re coming back anymore. Colonel, if she gives you too much trouble…find yourself a younger one.” I do love them being Bros. We haven’t seen enough of that lately.

39,192 people on New Caprica/in the settlement.

And Sam is playing sportsball despite being very sick. And the wedding tattoo!!!

“Can’t believe I married a moron. Are you okay?”

And Cottle’s been out of antibiotics for months. “But he’s young and he’s strong. Make him rest, keep him warm. With a little luck, he’ll make it.”

And Saul and Ellen wander into the Union rally and Cally is VERY pregnant.

Chief is adorable with glasses.

Awwwww, look how happy Saul and Kara are to see each other! There are HUGS!!!!!

And Pegasus is sitting on the backup meds, so Kara has to go to Apollo. “He’d spring some for you.” “Yeah, I doubt that.” “That was a long time ago. People change.”

Yay school! I know someone did the math and there are actually not a whole lot of kids in the fleet, which…well, given Black Market is probably Good. (based on the final election tallies and total population at the time, with an assumed 18 voting age)

Hi Hera!

And Dee got promoted!

“I need a favor.” “Is that right.” “Yeaaaaah Lee is still pissed at her. And…yeah, I can’t…quite blame him.

And then the conversation is interrupted by Dee picking up something on DRADIS and yeeeeep the Cylons have found them.

“We have to get out of here.” “We can’t just leave them all behind. They’ll be wiped out.” “We don’t have a choice. We need to leave, now.” And Helo is doing what Gaeta used to do. “All decks finally report Condition 1, sir. Should we launch the alert fighters?” “…no. begin jump prep. We’re leaving. But we’ll be back.”

“The Cylons just jumped into orbit. And the Fleet’s jumped away.” And he listens to the noise and watches things rattle and suddenly Head!Six is back in that godawful silver dress. “Judgment day.”

Hi Leoben! Why are you creepy.

((…have we seen Any other Twos this season until now??? I don’t think we have. Even in Downloaded, we just saw Threes, Fives, Sixes, and Eights…))

And the door lighting up and this moment Almost echoes that first shot of Corinne, except no centurions. A Five, an Eight (Boomer?) and then Caprica.

And...I think maybe he Knows it’s her, there’s that little Flicker. And then he stands up. “I’m Gaius Baltar, President of the Colonies.” “I know who you are Gaius. I know very well.” ...well if he didn’t know before, he does now. “As long as you offer no resistance, you won’t be harmed.” And he looks over at Gaeta. “How do I know that?” “You don’t. You also don’t have any choice.” “…how did you find us?” Stalling. “It was quite by accident, actually. We were over a light-year away from here when we detected the radiation of a nuclear detonation.” And he realizes. He realizes what he’s done, unintentionally, all over again. (although this time he really should’ve known better, given past experience and also this time it was a nuke).

“Very well. On behalf of the people of the Twelve Colonies, I surrender.”

And like…at this point, he really doesn’t have any other option. What else could he do? If he refuses, best-case scenario, he gets shot and they move on down the chain of command until they find a President who will surrender (or lose patience and nuke the planet from orbit). Worst-case scenario, they skip all that, pull back, and jump straight to nukes. Surrender really is the only option.

It’s…everything he does after this that’s a Problem.

“What do you want to do now, Captain?” “Same thing we always do. Fight ‘em ‘til we can’t.” Yessssssssssss. And we end the season with that closeup on Kara’s face and just. Yes. I love it.

The Plan:

I do love the Prelude Words being spoken by various Cylons. It was…only Tigh of the Final Five, and nothing from Three (because Lucy Lawless is playing Dame Not Appearing In This Film), and I don’t think any Fives were involved (not sure why, they Are in this movie)? But the rest of the Significant Seven and also the basestar Hybrid.

“I figured out what went wrong.” “Well, that’s a useful revelation to have when you’re standing in front of an airlock!” “Every killing of a human being was a grievous error. Do you want to know why?” “I really don’t.” I love Philosopher!Cavil and Fleet!Cavil bickering. (especially given how this ends with them)

Okay, ten months ago was two weeks before the attack which…yeah, that lines up with the Somewhere Between 280 and 290 from Lay Down Your Burdens 2.

Yesssssss loving the All Along The Watchtower music.

“When they resurrect they’ll return with apologies dripping from their lips like jewels.” “Yes, be prepared for some very sticky hugs.” LOL

Okay. So. 14 hours is that one conversation from the miniseries. “No you did it because you love me.” That still gets me, and especially since this aired after the Daybreak flashbacks provide some additional context…

“0700 tomorrow Caprica City time.” Relevant to me for secret fic purposes XD

“I recommend you leave this body behind. The alternative won’t make for a pleasant memory. Oh, and I hear that poison is really not that bad.” But she wants those last moments with Gaius, and to tell him the truth. brain, stop, we rejected that AU where she comes clean several months earlier do not resurrect it

“Love outlasts death. Apotheosis was the beginning before the beginning. The flower inside the fruit that is both its parent and its child. Jump.” Gotta love Hybrid babble! And how cool and calm she is until she gets to ‘jump’

Yeah, this is not an airport bar, Ellen. It is possibly a strip club.

Cavil can you tone down the Oedipus complex please.

“So you don’t have a name?” “I…am a mysterious stranger.” “Oooooh.”

“Everyone hold onto the lap bar, please.”

lock s-foils in attack position sorry wrong fandom XD

Oh, hey, the bartenders are topless, neat.

“Well I’ve lived in this world a long time, and I’m proud to say I haven’t learned any gods-damned lessons!” oh, Ellen. XD

And there’s Barolay with her Very Red hair!

“What you gonna do now, Sam?” “Shoot ‘til I can’t, Coach.” Niiiiiiice, especially lined up with Kara’s Line.

Oh shit watching the attack from the ground is. Oh shit. Seeing the bombs dropping.

…yeah, I think the walls around Anders’ memories are thinnest. “This has happened before.”

And that very very slight smile from Caprica!Simon.

YAY FLEET!SIMON!!!!

And there’s Shelly!

“The farms of Aerilon are burning. The beaches of Canceron are burning. The plains of Leonis are burning. The jungles of Scorpia are burning. The pastures of Tauron are burning. The harbors of Picon are burning. The cities of Caprica are burning. The oceans of Aquaria are burning. The courthouses of Libran are burning. The forests of Virgon are burning. The temples of Gemenon are burning.”

And that dispassionate list over the Centurions executing survivors and the transition shot of Caprica City whole and then ruined and the Gemenon one and I think Libran and then the burned bodies…before panning up to the mushroom cloud and. Shiiiit. They uh. They did Not pull punches with this one.

((….also they’re missing one who are they missing ::googles the zodiac:: SAGGITARON.))

“If anyone can still hear me--are we on? I’m gonna keep broadcasting as long as I can. It keeps getting close--”

…also did Tory only join Roslin’s staff for the campaign or had she been there for a while before? Interesting question.

And then the team Panicking and Sam trying to keep them together. “We can’t lose our heads. We gotta find somewhere we can get some frakking perspective. We go anywhere, we go together, and we go when it’s safe.”

And Tory crawling out of her wrecked car and then panning out to show the devastation and some kind of SAR plane landing behind her.

((…I am a little Questions on the timeline here? Mostly in terms of…exactly how long does all this take? Long enough for at least a Couple of planes to get off the ground and meet up with the fleet…eh, I guess this part can be handwaved, it takes as long as it needs to to get various characters into position.))

Oh, wait, Ellen is also leaking. “This has happened before. Oh, gods. Am I gonna die?” “No, your suffering isn’t over yet. Not when you’ve got so much left to learn.”

Oooh, that’s a dead/damaged Centurion, so either instability/debris or people Are fighting back right from the start.

And then the raider taking off Right by the bridge they’re peering over.

“What do you want to do, Coach?” “I don’t know. What do you think?” “I don’t know. ::realizes everyone is looking at him:: …we can’t stay here. We gotta go. Stay low, stay fast, let’s go!”

Gianna!

And now jumping ahead to the note that got passed to Bill. And the way it cuts to that shot of Baltar in CIC implies that he’s the one that left it [which mostly matters for TOB purposes because…that would mean that they have No Idea how many models there actually are]

And while Ellen is barely conscious, she just asks for Saul.

“Of the five who created the rest of us, four are in this fleet. Does it seem cruel, keeping you alive? It is cruel, who am I kidding? But it’s also necessary. For 30 years you failed to observe the moral failures of humanity, against whom you find me lacking. Get better, Mother. Open your eyes and take a gander at what you think you love.”

Oh, hey, they’re already at the school! And Sam’s already pulling together plans from movies, and has gathered More People who can Make Things Go Boom.

“There’s a real possibility we’re all gonna die here. So I say it all comes down to how we die.”

And we’re at 8 days! Gathering photos.

“They’re awfully quiet.” “They’re numb. They’ve lost everything and now we’re putting them through the wringer just trying to get away.” And Tigh bumps into Cavil without recognizing him.

VERA! And that Smile when she and Cavil recognize each other, and he catches a glimpse of Fleet!Simon in the background.

Huh, his fliers don’t have the corners cut off XD

((Vera is my name for Tough!Six/Hooker!Six/Punk-Rock!Six/whatever the cool kids are calling her these days XD))

“The plan is, everything blows up a week ago. All the humans are dead and we Cylons all download and the universe basks in justice. However--” “That didn’t frakking happen.”

And Vera’s like “let’s cut to the chase and blow up Galactica.” And Shelly’s like “also need to protect ourselves from detection.” “Very good, Sixes,” Cavil says. And he says there’s a sleeper Eight. “Now, Two, you come with me. Let’s get this genocide started.”

Ohhhhhhh broken-open Raider wing is. Disconcerting. With all the squishy bits showing. Yikes.

And Leoben gets put on figuring out communications--both with a basestar next time one’s in range and listening in on the human military. “And send in a Six. Dealer’s choice.”

Explosives in a pyramid ball! It is indeed clever. “Like a homemade grenade.”

“If we destroyed it, he’d just make another.” “Which is why we have to discredit him.” “Me? Well, if he sees one of us, he’ll know what we are. …but he can’t say anything without saying how he knows.” “Very smart. Or maybe it’s the glasses.”

…so the question here is: why not just kill him? I mean, I guess Cavil tries that with the Five…and I guess discrediting increases Paranoia in the upper ranks more than a targeted assassination would, which is good for Cavil’s purposes.

Aaaaand one of Sam’s people accidentally moves and draws the Centurion’s attention and this. This is gonna go bad. With the Coach making a suicide play to get the improvised bomb into the bunker thing

And then there’s a Raider! Just what we needed. And this was Sam’s plan and at least four or five of his people died.

“I can’t understand how he was discovered. I heard it was Doctor Baltar.” “I’m not talking about that, exactly. I’m talking about how you’re walking around in this fleet wearing that jacket, and--more importantly--that face. You’re recognizable.” “No, his jacket was burgundy. This is teal.” LOL.

“They call this a suicide vest, but I think that undersells all the homicide that goes along with it, don’t you?” why are you this funny Cavil.

“Even robots take their dead.” “There was nothing--” “I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING.” Poor Sam. Poor Barolay. Poor all of them.

And Leoben in his little hideaway listening to the wireless and developing an Obsession.

Elephant!

And then he gets distracted by the kid. “This is a chapel not a bus station. You can’t sleep here.”

Aww, Chief bonding with his new knuckledragger!

As she gets confronted with the Reality of their equipment situation. “There are no spares.” “Welcome to Galactica.”

“Did you need to see me for something, Lieutenant?” “No, I…um…carry on, Chief.” “So, how long have you two been seeing each other?” LOL

And this is not like an office romance in your old job because Chain of Command and other Fraternization Rule issues but still cute.

…how does Cavil get in and out of Boomer’s quarters so easily? I can’t see him like bribing or charming someone into giving her the elephant the way he did with the fliers, just because that’s a little Too likely to bite him in the ass.

And then this flashback to Boomer being put under!!! I read somewhere that the costume this particular Six is wearing is labeled in some source somewhere as Gina’s? Which like…that is Very Flimsy Ground but maybe??? Based on what we see in Razor, she seems to have had a job that involved short-term contracts, which would have put her in a good position to monitor/handle sleepers like Boomer, and yeah occasionally she might have a few weeks where there’s no agent for her to contact But. …yeah IDEK like I said that’s in no way Actually Indicating that this particular Six is Gina But.

“And after you download, make sure to report our position to the fleet.” “Wait I’m…my cover is stronger than expected.” And she admits to the relationship with Chief and Cavil is like “…that’s an Interesting Choice”

“Go get some explosives, blow up the tank, and then have a fatal accident. Right now, I’m late for dinner.”

Rick Worthy’s voice is I Love It So Much.

Sudden Unexpected Cavil! And Simon is like “fffffffuck.”

“Is this your family? Hm?” Ominous. “Stop by sometime. And remember, I know where you live.” VERY OMINOUS.

Right, a bunch of Fives dealing with Bodies. “I never knew this would be so hot and dirty. The smell is…” “I know. Centurions should be doing this.” Lol at the bitchy Fives.

((quick thinking on the part of Philosopher!Cavil but I can’t help but think that if there had been Anyone with Any kind of intelligence/espionage background here it would Not have worked…))

Oh man and Barolay just starts crying. “They’re all alike. T, they gotta be Cylons.” “Frakkers look like us now.”

And Boomer relating how she almost fell apart setting the charges. “We shouldn’t need to breathe,” Cavil mutters. And then Boomer’s like “there are so few of them…they’re not a real threat.” “They are manifestly a threat. You of all Cylons should know that.” And then he tells her to get out of the wet clothes which, Gross. “Fine. Be a prude.” Gross, Cavil. I know that generally Eights are quite comfortable with casual nudity but you’re still being Gross.

And he takes the elephant and she wakes up at the beginning of the Actual episode.

As the Caprica resistance kills a bunch of Fives which is probably Very cathartic for them.

Yep, now there’s Cheering. Which just reminds me of that one bit when Athena knocks out the raiders and the viper pilots just Go To Town.

Okay, explosion was 17 days after the attack.

And Leoben realizes his face is known and goes Deeper into hiding. Living in the walls of his ship, wedged behind a container.

And at some point the resistance got Trucks!

And Simon is very smooth to cover the recognition but Philosopher!Cavil has a moment.

“Four, you’re late.” “It was hard to get away.” “Tell me. Are you reluctant to do more for your people?” “Like what?” “I’m just asking a general question.” “This is all improv, isn’t it?” “Our people were supposed to be positioned to cause destruction, not mop up afterwards! My Two was the Defense Minister’s yoga instructor!” ((which remains Hilarious to me also love how Consistent this government is with minister vs. secretary for cabinet-level positions lol)). “And one of the Sixes was a prostitute! And the only one who was in any position to do any real damage was a Five on this ship, and he frakked it up!!!” Cavil is so mad.

“And don’t you think for a moment that I’m going to be moved by the sweet, adorable fact that you married one of them! You come back tomorrow, and we’ll talk about you blowing up that ship you live on.”

And we’re up to 24 days with Six Degrees!

And Leoben is painting mandalas in his little hideaway, listening to his recordings of Starbuck. Because that’s not creepy at all.

“I think I’m losing it.” Poor Boomer. “Someone wrote ‘cylon’ on my mirror. And I think it was me. I think I was trying to warn myself. Or scare myself into doing what you want. Or out of it.”

“All mankind are our fathers, and that’s the sin for which they deserve to die.” “…I’m happier when I’m under. I’m happier when I’m human. I like myself. I love myself then.” Poor, poor Boomer. “Never say that. Never, never, never. Because if that were true, they win. And they can’t. Look at me. They know your lies. I know you. You can do this. You can kill Adama. For me.” And then there’s a Kiss which was SUPER NECESSARY AND NOT SQUICKY AT ALL.

((protip: if you are handling an undercover agent you should MAYBE NOT MAKE A PASS AT THEM))

Ah, yes. I have to go back through the Slightly Less Awkward But Still Uncomfortable bathroom conversation from Six Degrees again. Yay. …and she is kind of drawn to him because he is just. Catnip for Sixes, I guess.

“I don’t care if she plucked puppies from God’s ass! You’re worse than the Sixes!” LOOOOOOOOOOOOL. And then Cavil bugs out while Leoben is arrested.

And we get Vera covering Shelly’s escape while Cavil yoinks her into an alcove.

Ah yes, this moment where Baltar is like “…I could kiss you but you have a Massive Crush and I don’t want to send the wrong message.”

((…damn it, I think this is an edited version, because there’s a line in there with Simon covering D’Anna’s absence, and also the Pointedly Co-Ed Head With Full-Frontal Nudity. …also I think the bartender back on Picon was blurred out. Ugh. Well, when I get back to the DVDs, I have the full version there.))

“Is Baltar’s machine on the trash heap?” “I did what I could. I don’t know.” “Trying to make a guilty man look guilty. This should be easy.” “We had to fake the evidence! And Dr. Baltar, he helped us so much…” “Are you attracted to this human?” “No!” Because that other Six, she got addicted to him!” “I’m not addicted! He’s a brilliant man! But you should’ve seen me! I was brutal with him! I pushed him!” “My dear, if you had pushed him, you would have sent him through a wall! Oh, look. An airlock. How handy.” “Wait! I could blend into life on another ship, with another disguise!” “Go. And don’t forget to give them our coordinates. I want this finished!” I do kinda feel bad for Shelly.

25 days has Kara interrogating Leoben!

And the implication that when he’s choking her he gets flashes of their Future Encounters…Interesting. ((which means he probably should be marked down as Force-sensitive for crossover purposes.))

And the kid is back in the chapel. But this time Cavil doesn’t immediately kick him out. “So you have parents. Do they want you?” “No.” “Well, two decks below, there’s a room, and there’s people in that room that are in charge of the children that nobody wants. All right, don’t go there. But go somewhere.”

“Is he dead?” “If he’s not dead, he’s dying.” “Thus is the beast decapitated.” “Which inspired you to come and tell me…” “I’ll do it, okay? I’ll blow up my ship. I’ll blow up the Cybele.” “Good.” “One condition. I want my family kept safe.” “No, you don’t want that. You see, if they die now, they die without ever knowing what you are.” Ouch.

“That was the Four. Oh, and Boomer shot the Commander. Things are looking up.” This is. Weirdly almost cute? Them just settling together. “It could hardly go down. The Six failed, the Two failed…” “Every machine needs to warm up. We’re a fleet-killing machine. We just started to hum.” “We just started to hum?” And now handjobs are happening because Sure Why Not XD

52 days, Bill is still out, Cavil goes to see Boomer in prison.

“You shot him, but you didn’t kill him. You didn’t kill him, and things were finally going well!” “I shot him twice in the chest, what more do you want?” “How about once in the head?!” “I told you, I’m not in control. The only way that I could get this done was to turn myself into a Centurion. I could feel the bullets moving through the channels under my hard metal skin. I couldn’t feel my heartbeat.” “Sounds wonderful.” “If there was any part of us that’s human, in that moment I killed that.” “Yes, good, that’s the idea. Now listen, Eight, I need you. And I need to break a string of failures.” “I lost the best part of myself.” “Yes. All right. I see how this is. Goodbye, Eight, and good luck.” And he takes the elephant away. “…I don’t want a priest.” “And you deserve no absolution.”

And Philosopher!Cavil of course claims Helo and Starbuck are skinjobs. “I can’t be sure, though, my memory…”

“Who is it?” “Some random humans. Each side is going to suspect the other. I wish I could watch.”

“Hi.” Very sexy of you, Starbuck.

“So somebody might get shot. Great. You were the one telling me how swift and terrible this was going to be.” I gotta say, I’m a fan of role-reversals in a lot of contexts and this one with the Fleet copies of One and Four and the Caprica copies is definitely hitting the spot. “It’s been two months since those bombs fell, and you’re helping a resistance cell thrive here.” Which does also kind of imply that there are Additional pockets of resistance elsewhere? They…probably died out after the Cylons left. Too small, too isolated, too much radiation…man :(

And Simon wiring the airlock to kill himself cut together with him having very sweet sex with Giana :((((((

And I love this music behind all of it!!!

“I’m sorry,” he tells her. “I really am sorry.” And he holds a picture of her and his stepdaughter, “I love you,” he says, as he sends himself out the airlock.

YES THIS BIT!

“You want a progress report? I’ll give you a frakking progress report. Come on, it is spectacular! Doral blew himself up, causing minor damage to a minor hallway. And Boomer jettisoned the water, and then she personally found loads more water! And then she shot Adama, but not very accurately since she loved him. And then Leoben, he got obsessed with Kara Thrace, and then was captured and airlocked. And my sister Six utterly failed to discredit Baltar and his dreamy hair and destroyed our frakking cover in the process. And now Simon…Simon killed himself. Really killed himself, out of resurrection range, without blowing up the ship that he lived on because he couldn’t imagine life without his little human wife and his little human daughter because he loves them.” “Stop, stop, stop.” “Yeah, I guess I better.” “They’re all letting me down.” “Why are they letting you down, One? What’s the X factor? You can’t declare war on love.” “I think I already did. …hey, where’d the bottle go?”

As she glides out of his room in her underwear and a vest/hoodie and some very cute heels, never to be seen again XD

AND THEN THIS BIT

“I thought he was supposed to kill her in the woods.” “He’s a bad shot. Did she see you?” “No, I stayed out of sight.” “Good. She got a glimpse of me, but she didn’t react. So if there’s a One up in that fleet, she didn’t see him. At least not enough to ring a bell in her tiny brain.” Rude.

“What are they doing?” “You need a doctor to tell you that.” “Oh, for God’s sake. Why?!” “Why? He loves her.” “He loves her.” “Vigorously.” “She’s beneath him.” “…not necessarily.” Love it love it love it XD

And this time Cavil feeds the kid instead of just kicking him out.

“Seems like I never sleep anymore.” Poor Sam. “If you’re looking for a strong leader, you picked a bad time. …bless me, Brother, for I have acted against the example of the gods.” “…proceed, in the name of the gods.” And Sam confesses that he wanted to run after that other fight. “But you changed your mind.” “Well, no. Barolay was there, and she was gonna see me run. And suddenly I find myself worrying about my own frakking reputation. So I didn’t run. And that’s my confession. I’m a godsdamned coward, Brother.” “Well, I suppose you were. But what about now?” “I’m not gonna run anymore. Maybe I’m stronger or maybe I’m just more insane.” “This whole experience has changed you for the better. You’ve learned.” “You know, at the end of a confession, sometimes there’s an ending, or…” “Fine. You are absolved in the example of the gods.” And then Philosopher!Cavil asks the big question--can Sam forgive the Cylons. And Sam’s like are you nuts.

“What was that?” Four asks. “I thought he’d learned. But he loves.” “…what are you really doing here? What does this man mean to you?”

And we jump ahead to 280 days and Chief and Cavil talking! ((and yeah, this is Definitely missing some stuff because I Know there’s a moment added when they rescue Starbuck from the Farm where they send someone back to kill their Simon.))

But we’re cutting back to this scene with Giana and Chief talking, about her realizing that her husband was a Cylon. …I think there was another scene with her, too, after his suicide? …I’ll watch the full version later. Probably won’t update these notes but I’m Annoyed now, haha.)) Anyway that bit must have happened Not Long after Starbuck got back…although having Just Watched It, him walking across the deck to talk to her does echo the opening of his Recurring Dream except with more people around. Or at least it’s Clearly intended to evoke that. Sooooo…yeah IDK.

“My husband…only not. He was a Cylon. I thought he loved me. Gods.” “…maybe he did. I don’t know.” “Someone made him do it. Don’t you think? I mean, they keep finding more of them, and they must have been in contact. Someone is making decisions.” “You think that somebody told them what to do. Ordered them.” “I think Simon was told to do something, and instead he killed himself.” “…Boomer was a better shot than that.” “What?” “When she shot the old man. She was a better shot than that. It’s like she frakked it up on purpose, knowing that the marines would take her head off right then and there, knowing that it was…the only way out she could see.” “So maybe they were heroes, you know? In a way.” “I don’t know about that. Maybe.” “If I thought I was a Cylon, I’d climb this ladder all the way up there. I’d do it with style. I’d swan-dive out of this life.” And then he leans in to kiss her because So Many Confused Feelings and they have a Very Key Thing in common, and... “Sorry. I didn’t mean anything by that.” “I know.”

Oh man and the way she clutches the clipping to her chest and continues to cry.

Maybe that conversation started the nightmares? He said he’d been having them for weeks. And the timeline of S2 is a Mess, so…

And this is new. “I’ve [trusted people] and they all let me down. Every single one. Every single one. So yeah, it should scare the frak out of you. But good luck to you.” And then he leaves.

“There’s hardly anyone left for you to lean on. But you can lean on me.” “You know, the day before I met Kara, I had 98 people. I loved those people.” “But you didn’t need them. And they’re dead. Do you mean to tell me that you go on loving them even when they’re dead?” “What are you talking about? Of course I love those people! Death doesn’t change that, what’s the matter with you?!” And then they’ve sighted the rescue party and Philosopher!Cavil is Thinking.

Ohhhhh and now there’s this creepy-ass scene. The kid comes and offers Cavil an apple. “What’s your name?” “John.” “We’ve become friends, huh? Friends are dangerous things.” And then just that quick, quiet stab, and the kid gasps…

And it’s all cut together with Philosopher!Cavil aiming at Starbuck and Considering it, but unable to pull the trigger. Even after he has a clear shot and Sam’s out of the way. And then he aims at Sam, back at Kara, and he Thinks. And chooses not to shoot.

Oh and the way Cavil just. Shoves the kid off the bed.

“Get the frak out of the way.” Rude.

“Why the cease-fire?” “There’s been a vote. There’s going to be a truce. We just need to convey it to the humans. All of them.” “I can deliver that message.” “Your model voted against it.” “I’ve had a new insight. Besides, there’s nothing for me here.”

And that moment when Fleet!Cavil first sees Philosopher!Cavil is STILL HILARIOUS AND I LOVE IT.

Yeah this version is definitely cutting it to show Philosopher!Cavil Frequently looking at Tigh. And putting a little more emphasis on Tigh in general.

…including cutting Roslin’s part of that scene and having Tigh decide to airlock them both which I don’t know how I feel about that lol. ((I’m guessing it had something to do with money or contracts and Rules for how use of archive footage is handled in things like this? Can’t cut the stuff with Helo or Baltar or Kara and there’s a Lot of them without them Actually being in the thing outside of that but))

And we walk past All of the Final Five on the way to the airlock because Of Course!

And we’re back where we started!

((…it occurs to me that. There is possibly going to be a Slight Bias against identical twins for a while in this culture. Which…well idk how much I want to play with that worldbuilding but…yeah.))

I do love Philosohper!Cavil keeping his hat to make Sure we can tell them apart XD

“Is there a resurrection ship in range?” “Yes, brother, but first we’re going to die in a vacuum.” “There’s a 170 foot launch tube ahead of us. We might die of our injuries before we get to the vacuum.” “…I don’t like you.” “I understand that.” “Do you really believe it was a mistake to attack the humans?” “Rather intensely, yes.” “You know that when we download among the others, your strange ideas will be shouted down.” “Ideas only seem strange until you try them on, brother.” I love that line so much. “We had a temper tantrum in the form of a cataclysm because we wanted them to treasure us, the Ones, more than humanity. More than their own history and blood.” …and also the Rest of that line but that bit about ideas is just. Amazing. “We didn’t want to be loved. We wanted to be treated fairly.” “We wanted to be held to a bosom, to be petted and perfumed and told we were the princes of the universe.” “Yes, well, if the humans were gone…” “Our parents would mourn them. They’d love them more anyway.” “I’m going to see to it that you get boxed. And then I’m going to prepare to wipe out humanity once and for all.” “…the anticipation is…really unpleasant.” “Yes.” And then Philosopher!Cavil holds out his hand and Fleet!Cavil takes it and they die holding hands and Feelings.

As Cavil’s “I want to reach out with something other than these prehensile paws and feel the solar wind of a supernova flowing over me!” line plays over their death.

So I really like this a lot??? I know it’s basically missing/added scenes, But they are Really Good Ones for the most part?? Also showing a One and a Four who did actually learn and grow the way other models are shown as capable of was really nice.

(But not any Fives. Nobody likes the Fives XD)

((I mentioned my Cylon pairing mix a while back; Fives were the only model who were not on there at all XD. ...also Baltar was the individual who appeared the most times on it XD Sixes as a whole beat him but that was across All included Six ships))

#battlestar galactica #bsg #the great bsg rewatch of 2022 #i love everyone in this bar

[thecat-inthehat]

You know, one thing I don’t think I’ve seen almost anyone talk about is Fordola’s narrative role as the representation of Ala Mhigo’s stolen and indoctrinated youth.

This isn’t really a dissertation, or a hard thesis with cited sources, more just ... some musings. Garlemald is a near-textbook fascist nation (by design) that constantly expands itself via colonization and occupation. Expansionist fascist nations need more soldiers to do this, so they indoctrinate the youth of the nation to serve their own ends and dismantle the rebellion before it even really starts. Youth are promised the world if only they’ll believe everything they’re told, and fight for the overlords when needed and pulled away from their roots. Garlemald is, like most fascist nations, enthralling and able to pull people in and keep them in. There’s a strong sense of purpose, a chance to feel as though conscripts are making “a real difference”, and a charismatic leader at it’s head.

The most overt of this is the Crania Lupi, made by van Balesar -- a regimen filled with Ala Mhigan youth who are bitter and resentful that they’re still seen as “savages” and are willing to do anything to get the respect of the Garleans. They’re used as enforcers and rebellion-quellers, often by beating up their own kinsmen, who then ostracize them for their actions. It’s the perfect set up to drive a wedge between the younger and elder generations, and weaken any sort of uprising that might be brewing.

Fordola, being the commander of this unit, is more the symbol of what Gaius was trying to achieve than anyone else. She’s given enough power to feel important, but knows it comes with a cost, and dire consequences if she fails, much like her peers. She keeps digging herself (and the Lupi) deeper and deeper in a way to try and meet the moving goalposts, and hates herself and what she’s doing every step of the way. She knows that she’s betraying her people, her heritage, but she doesn’t see any other way out because she’s so thoroughly been pulled into this whirlpool of fascist ideology. Even her name is so overt about this -- it’s a Garlean last name: Lupis.

In terms of her character, she’s extremely unlikable. She’s angry, she’s brash, she pushes people away and tries to goad them into hating her, much like how she hates herself. She hates the world for putting her in the position she’s in, but also she hates the powers that left her where she is, and has no frame of reference to move past it beyond simply following Garlemald’s orders. She isn’t nice. At all. She’s marginalized and oppressed, but given just enough power (with very specific rules on who she can use that power on) to leave her unwilling to completely leave the place she’s built up.

The most recent short story highlights how she doesn’t feel Ala Mhigan or Garlean, and also how she knows she’ll have to sign up as a Garlean soldier in order to allay suspicion on her friends or her family. She’s being looked down upon by her elders for going along with the Garleans, but then also looked down on by the Garleans for being “barely better than a savage”. She’s desperate for a place to call her own, to be accepted, wanted, relied upon, like so many of her peers.

She’s only nineteen, and has been coerced and reeled in by the people above her into this horrible meat-grinder of a system. Of course she won’t be easily likable or understood, or even a good person. There is so much that she, and by extension her generation, have to unlearn and relearn. At the end of the day, yes, she’s responsible for her own choices and the places that she’s landed herself in. I’m not denying that. But the level of which she, and by extension her generation, have been taught to follow Garlemald’s footsteps is ... staggering. In a way, we never really need to see who her friends are, because she so thoroughly represents her entire generation of Ala Mhigan youth that never had the chance to leave, like Arenvald.

I’m not saying you have to like her. There’s plenty of reasons why not to do so. But... I dunno. It draws a little too close to home for me to just write her off as irredeemable or a complete failure of a person, because that’s essentially condemning an entire generation to doom and robbing Ala Mhigo of their future. The whole point of the Crania Lupi arc is that the kids that were supposed to be the future were stolen and pitted against their own people, and that means that they’re going to come out traumatized and ugly in how they react to things, which Fordola isn’t shy about showing.

#ffxiv #Fordola rem Lupis #Stormblood #Garlemald #this got a little rambly i think #mostly i just meant to do a couple bulletpoints and then #musings

[thesleepy1]

My King Shall Have Everything

A/N: A fuck load of people seemed to like my last Merthur fic. I even got a request for a sequel from @antobcq who wanted a 5+1 fic where Arthur couldn’t get anything done without Merlin on his lap. I haven’t done one of these fics in ages but I’m down with this prompt. I also love the headcanon where Merlin is a better court member and adviser than Arthur and completely leaves Arthur in the dust during diplomatic meetings. Unbeta’d as always, we die like Arthur.

Extra note, this turned out much longer than I expected it to. This might be my longest fic yet. I didn’t mean for it to be like this but I spent too much time on it to just leave it alone. And much to my surprise, it’s a linear storyline as well. I hope you all enjoy it and feel free to give me some feedback. Do you prefer the linear storylines or short snippets of scenes? Also, kind of sorry for the slight angst. My bad. It got worse towards the end, I was getting really tired and wasn’t completely sure how to end it. It’s not on the highest note is all I’ll say.

Pairings: Merlin x Arthur, slight Gwen x Morgana

Summary: Five times Arthur couldn’t get anything done without Merlin on his lap and one time where Merlin couldn’t get anything done without Arthur on his lap.

Word count: 10,485

Warnings: Lap sitting, fluff, physical touch, sexual content, grinding, angst, wounds, violence, character death, more warnings to be added, more tags to be added, proceed with caution, breeding kink, impregnation kink, mentions of dub/con, possessive behavior, obsessive behavior, eugenics, blood, gore, hurt/comfort, angst/comfort, whump, injuries, begging, character death, mentions of public executions, long fic, foul language, asphyxiation, strangulation, choking,

Arthur was good at many things, but being on time was not one of them. Especially, when at the end of the hall he had to attend a council meeting with some of the most stuck up people he had ever met, and that was saying something considering he had to spend the last winter with his extended family. His advisers had been up his ass all week about the new rising kingdom beyond the continent. A kingdom so far away, he had just heard of it several months prior. It was like the kingdom had appeared overnight, suddenly a new ink blotch taking over the lower side of the map.

Personally, he didn’t believe it was real in the first place, having a squadron of knights and hired mercenaries sail over to investigate this so-called Kingdom of Le Lubrique. Much to his disbelief, they didn’t come back empty handed and instead returned with a message. A greeting, as his advisers and Merlin had called it.

To Arthur, it was merely stiff aristocrats getting together in too large a room to talk about dull nonsense. Something he had enough of in his own kingdom. Every other month he was already forced to put on a brave face and converse with the other ruling kings and queens of the continent; he didn’t need another to add on to the mix. He already loathed the balls he was required to host.

“You’re late,” Merlin hissed at him as he entered through a side door so as to not alert the others of his presence.

“That’s kind of the point of me coming here long after the time I was supposed to, Merlin,” Arthur rolled his eyes, sneaking behind the other advisers present to his seat. Merlin begrudgingly followed right on his tail.

“This is serious Arthur, you should have been here ten minutes ago!” Merlin nagged a tad too loudly.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the great king of Camelot himself. I’m delighted to see you have graced us with the honor of your belated attendance,” said an adviser from the guest kingdom with a tone that made Arthur want to stab him, wars be damned.

“I hope you could excuse my tardiness just this once,” Arthur began, trying to come up with a plausible excuse. He looked over to Merlin for help, but the warlock looked clueless as usual. “It...was just that I was caught up with...making sure my...uh...husband’s family were making themselves at home. The in-laws are visiting, you see. You know how hard it can be to keep them happy.”

Merlin looked like he wanted to hang Arthur with his own entrails at the king’s quick thinking. Camelot’s advisers seemed to be considering throwing themselves from the window. And the guest advisers seemed content with Arthur’s answer; though not pleased.

“Oh, believe me,” one of them began, a tall woman with high cheekbones and piercing brown eyes, “I know exactly how tiring in-laws can be.” She let out a high pitched laugh like the sound of dying blue jays; the sound made Arthur want to join his advisers as they inched towards the open windows.

“Well, yes, hahaha, they can be quite a hassle. Especially people that are related to my husband here,” Arthur clapped his hands, smiling at Merlin as he took his seat at the head of the table, “Shall we properly begin then?”

Arthur truly and wholeheartedly regretted agreeing to the whole thing. It was hour after hour of mindless words with little to no meaning. They just went on and on about things that meant little to nothing. He tried to tune out their voices but the tall woman’s laugh was like the crack of a whip, bringing him back to reality each time someone made a vaguely funny comment.

“Are you alright, Arthur?” Merlin said in a hushed tone next to his side. Concern had brought his dark eyebrows together. Arthur was tempted to take his fingers and smooth out Merlin’s worry, but perhaps that was too intimate an act for a meeting. Then again, when did Arthur care about what other people thought of him and his husband.

“I’m fine, Merlin,” Arthur sighed, “Just so bored with all of this.”

“How could you be bored? Have you been listening to half of what they’ve been saying? For a kingdom so small they have so much potential. Their farmlands double ours, as well as their ores, and their medicine is even on par to Gaius’s.” Merlin continued on with such a light in his eyes that Arthur was distracted like a moth to a glowing flame.

“Arthur, have you been listening to what I’ve been saying?”

The king shook his head softly, slightly ashamed for not paying attention to his husband. “I’m sorry. I’m just so distracted. I need something to ground me if I’m going to survive another dreadful hour of this,” he groaned, thinking over if the fall from the window would kill him or lethally wound him. Either way, he’d be away from this horror with Merlin at his bedside playing nurse. At the private thought, an idea crossed his mind that had him delighted.

“You know what would help me?” Arthur began, a smirk tugging at his lips.

“What?” Merlin gave him a suspicious look, having seen the grin on the king many times before.

“It’ll really help if you were on my lap.” Merlin gave him an incredulous glare, ready to smack him across the back of the head for such a suggestion during such a crucial conference. “Please, Merlin? You really do help me focus.”

The warlock seemed to be thinking over Arthur’s request, a frown twisting his face. He looked like he was going to say no, but the pleading look on Arthur’s face made him change his mind. “Just this once. I don’t want to make a habit of this, Arthur,” Merlin warned in a hurried voice.

“Just this once,” Arthur lied through his teeth.

The second king of Camelot sat himself on the first, his side pressed against Arthur’s chest. Arthur wound his arm around Merlin and held him tightly. The action seemed to have garnered the attention of the visitors who looked at the pair strangely. And for some odd reason, the visiting ladies of the guest kingdom seemed to be glaring intently at Merlin.

“We are ever so sorry to be boring you, your majesty, but there is still much to discuss,” a visiting high lord coughed, glaring at the pair. “I apologize that our talk of declining population, racial biases against commoners and sorcerers, and ever so low birth rates have made you tired, but considering it may be the undoing of Le Lubrique, I deem it vital,” he practically snarled.

Arthur’s grip on Merlin tightened, his other hand palming Merlin’s thighs. The warlock couldn’t hide the grin that was stretched across his beautiful face at the touch. The king absolutely loved that grin. Arthur glared right back at those who dared question his behavior, for him showing his love for his king. He sounded in a stern voice that left no room for argument, “No apologies needed. Please, continue.”

“Don’t let us disturb you,” Merlin added with a more snarky tone, commanding the same amount of respect. “You have our full attention.”

-----

“Must I attend? You’ll be there, is that not enough?” Arthur whined as Merlin buttoned up his shirt.

“We are hosting a party in the Kingdom of Le Lubrique’s honor. Their queen has traveled all the way here to properly meet us,” Merlin pressed a kiss to Arthur’s cheek for the effort. “Must I continue?”

“Only if you wish, my dear,” Arthur pointed to his other cheek, waiting for the same treatment as the other.

Merlin rolled his eyes, pressing another kiss to Arthur. “I’m serious, Arthur, this could mean an all out war or the strongest of ally ship. I mean, have you read the reports of what their kingdom is like? It sounds, and excuse for my word choice but there really is no other way to describe it; magical. I would love to visit the country myself. If we make a good impression they might invite us for a stay,” he continued, tying a red handkerchief with Camelot’s crest around his own neck.

“And that’s why the second king of Camelot would be in attendance.”

Merlin left Arthur in their room after that, knowing that Arthur would follow him. “Are you really going to make me sit there and listen to them go on and on about their plan to repopulate their country, or over tax their people for the food that’s in abundance? Come on, Merlin, we could have our council handle it.” Arthur stepped in front of Merlin to block his way. “Why don’t we head back to our room and make this a more entertaining night?” he wiggled his eyebrows to make sure Merlin got his point.

Merlin heard him loud and clear and rightfully ignored Arthur’s attempt to get into his pants. He sidestepped the man to continue on his path, turning a corner to the ballroom. “Do you hear yourself? What kind of impression would that give Le Lubrique if you just suddenly disappeared?!” Arthur turned to run back to their room just to prove Merlin’s point, but the warlock quickly magicked him back to his side. “You’re coming with me whether you like it or not.”

And that was how Arthur ended up sitting on his throne, bored out of his mind and unwilling to be civil or sociable when he could have spent the entire evening snuggled inside Merlin. He could have been in bed by now, having Merlin moaning his name underneath him, but instead Arthur watched as the guest and court mingled and danced. The instrumentalists bobbed their heads in tune to their upbeat song.

Despite refusing to speak to anyone besides Morgana, and Merlin, and occasionally Gwen when she could spare a moment from dancing; he had learned quite a bit about their guests. The fact that although they had a vast amount of farmlands, they had little people to work in them. Which came as a shock to Arthur because he had learned earlier on that Le Lubrique consisted of mostly sorcerers.

Le Lubrique’s queen was the tall woman with a voice that made Arthur’s ears bleed. Her lady in waiting seemed to be a distant relative from their shared trait of high cheekbones, drowning brown eyes, and dark hair. The two were glued at the hip, her lady in waiting obsessively trailing behind her like a newborn duckling wherever they went. They were both strong magic users if Merlin’s gushing was anything to go by. And also very beautiful with fancy perfume that complimented each other so nicely that they smelt like heaven, from Merlin’s words of course, not his. If Arthur didn’t know any better, he would think Merlin fancied them; the queen and her lady in waiting.

Even when the queen was dancing with a number of council members, the servant would be right next to her. It was quite amusing to watch them struggle to sway in time with the music. Arthur had already made bets with Gwen on the number of times party guests would refuse dances with the pair because they refused to separate. So far Arthur was winning.

That was until the queen smugly asked Merlin for a dance. Her lady in waiting immediately stepped away like someone had called for her assistance, leaving the queen alone with Merlin. Much to Arthur’s disappointment, Merlin happily accepted the dance. He took the queen’s hand and off they went, twirling around as if they were the only ones in the room. His hands on her shoulder and waist, her hands virtually tearing his clothes from his chest.

The way the queen of Le Lubrique looked at Merlin made a sick feeling build up from the pit of Arthur’s stomach. She was undressing him with her eyes, the brown in her gaze turning an almost pitch black from lust. The woman said something that made Merlin taken aback, something about dragons and druids, but it was hard to hear from the chatter of the room. For all Arthur knew, it could have very well been a spell.

Merlin recovered quickly with a grin and laugh that had Arthur’s heart skipping a beat. Then the two of them had the audacity to continue dancing as if nothing had happened, the queen still shamelessly pulling at Merlin’s fine clothes that only Arthur was allowed to rip away.

Arthur didn’t know why Merlin didn’t stop the queen when she pulled his handkerchief from his neck. The king was almost killed for even playing with Merlin’s handkerchief and now this woman was doing the same without losing an arm and a leg? Completely unfair. That was proof in itself, she had casted a spell on Merlin.

“Merlin,” Arthur called out to his husband sternly only to be ignored once more. “Merlin,” Arthur stepped away from his throne, making his way towards his husband and the queen.

“I think you should go to bed before things get ugly,” Morgana gently warned Gwen, gesturing towards Arthur’s outburst. “It could either go well or we’ll die of secondhand embarrassment.”

“Thank you for your concern, my love,” Gwen replied with a smirk, “But I want to see how this unfolds.”

Morgana laughed at that, glancing between Arthur and Merlin. “Suit yourself.”

The two high ladies watched as Arthur pulled Merlin away from the queen of Le Lubrique, dragging him away from the woman as she stared on in horror. To Gwen's and Morgana’s surprise, the queen tried to pull Merlin back into her arms. Merlin seemed to be in a daze throughout the whole skirmish. His eyes glazed over, even from afar.

“Should we step in?” Gwen asked with concern, ready to intervene.

“Arthur can handle it, probably.”

The queen called her lady in waiting to help her. Three heads tugged at poor Merlin like he was flax rope at a kingdom fair. The lady in waiting tried to block Arthur from getting a good grip on Merlin while the queen tried to take more of Merlin’s clothes off. A crowd was forming and Morgana distinctively noticed coins being passed around in bets.

“Are you sure, my love?”

“Oh, It's just getting good,” Morgana grinned like a Cheshire cat. “How much are you willing to bet, my beloved?”

Finally, as the crowd began cheering, Arthur twisted out of the lady in waiting’s grip and grabbed hold of Merlin’s waist. The king lifted the warlock up in a bridal carry and turned on his heel for his throne, the crowd parting in heckles and laughs. Arthur blatantly ignored them, sitting down on his throne with Merlin in his lap. Unfortunately, he was unable to retrieve Merlin’s handkerchief, a matter he will surely not hear the end of for quite some time. But between a measly piece of fabric and Merlin’s life, Arthur would choose Merlin time and time again, his own life be damned.

Taking a moment to throw a sneer at Gwen and Morgana who were snickering, Arthur tried to shake Merlin out of the haze. “Are you alright, Merlin?” He stroked Merlin’s arms gently, trying to bring him back to the present. His blue gray eyes were a stormy glaze, seemingly out of it. It made an ugly feeling swirl around in Arthur’s head, the fact that some queen had touched his Merlin in such a way made Arthur sick.

Merlin shuddered in Arthur’s hold, looking down at himself and then at the ballroom floor where others had returned to dancing. Confusion crossed his face, “Of course, I’m alright,” he furrowed his eyebrows, “How did I get here?” Merlin rubbed at his temple, trying to soothe the ache that had formed there.

“Arthur carried you like the jealous brute he is,” Morgana explained, passing Gwen a handful of coins.

“Jealous brute?” Merlin questioned, looking at the trio for a real explanation.

Arthur was about to defend himself when a member of Le Lubrique’s court approached them. “Haha, I couldn’t help but notice the spectacle that you put on there, sire,” the man addressed Merlin.

“I’m sorry, I don’t quite follow.”

The man laughed again, mirth in his eyes. “I guess you wouldn’t,” he said vaguely, “The queen does have a way with words.”

“What do you mean by that?” Arthur butted in, holding Merlin a tad too tight. Merlin squirmed in Arthur’s lap but Arthur seemed to hardly notice.

“Well, you are a warlock, aren’t you, sire?” the man addressed Merlin once more. Merlin nodded despite himself. “A warlock as well as a dragonlord under the queen’s attention is bound to feel the efforts of her magic. And her special attention for that matter, hahaha.”

“Sorry,” Merlin began, more confused than before. “What do you mean by that expactly?”

“Our queen is a lovely dragon tamer. Her family is the last of their kind. Although taming a dragon is much easier when you have someone who can speak to the creatures,” the man laughed as if telling a joke only he knew the punchline to and walked away as if nothing had happened.

Least to say, the rest of the night Arthur didn’t let Merlin out of his sight. He had no idea what a dragon tamer was and Merlin seemed as lost as he was, but he wasn’t taking any chances. No one was going to “tame” his lover. Whatever that meant. Morgana and Gwen could laugh and call him jealous all they want, Arthur only had Merlin’s best interest at heart.

“I doubt having me be a lap warmer is in my best interest.”

-----

It had been weeks and Arthur naively thought they were done interacting with the kingdom of Le Lubrique. He had hoped to be finished with the rising kingdom, to leave them alone as long as they left him be.

He was rarely fortunate these days. Never even.

Apparently, Merlin was not deterred by almost being kidnapped by the queen and her lady in waiting. Merlin even said he enjoyed their company and their attention to his every breathing word. Arthur loved the man, but sometimes he could be quite an idiot.

Merlin, without Arthur’s knowledge, had invited a member of Le Lubrique’s court to stay at the castle. Who else to volunteer to come to Camelot but the queen’s lady in waiting. She was only supposed to be in the kingdom for a couple of weeks, but unfortunately that wasn’t the case. That couple of weeks turned into a couple of months and eventually the woman practically lived there. She had made herself at home on day one, much to Arthur’s dismay. He couldn’t really kick her out without making a bad impression towards her kingdom, despite what her queen had already done.

He was a king. Much to his reluctance, he had to act like it. And that meant acting like you liked people that you hated to the core.

“And these are our forests,” Arthur gestured to the thick wall of trees that signified the beginning of the woods. “I typically take neighboring kings hunting here. If you’re interested, we can go if you’d like.”

Sylvy, the lady in waiting, sat on her horse with her head held high. For someone with a position like her’s, she acted like she was queen herself. Arthur had spent the whole day trying to show her around for the utmost time. She was never satisfied with what he showed her, as if she were looking for a break in the walls of the kingdom.

Every morning she demanded to be taken around on a tour and every afternoon she was left with a deep frown on her face. Nothing made her happy it seemed, and Arthur had truly tried to make her feel at the very least, welcomed. It was just so difficult to do so with the knowledge of what she had done to Merlin. Had enchanted him, put him in a daze of some sort.

If Camelot still had the ban on magic, she would’ve been dead the moment she laid a hand on Merlin. On the crown’s orders, she would have been hung or burned, some form of public execution. Her dark hair would go up in flames as the fire burned higher and higher, her head would hang low as the bucket was kicked out underneath her. Arthur was still considering having her prisoned for what she did and simply explained to her queen that there had been a freak accident. If he were a lesser man, a lesser king, he would’ve done so and let it be a warning.

“I despise hunting as a sport, it’s just mindlessly cruel,” she snarled, her lips curling as a show of disdain. She held the reins to her horse like a vice, afraid that she’d be ripped from the saddle and forced to participate in such barbaric practices. At least, that was what Arthur thought was swimming through her mind.

“Yes, yes, but some like the adrenaline rush of a good hunt,” Arthur explained without real passion, merely a form of continuing the dry conversation. Sylvy had woken him up so early that morning he barely had a chance to give Merlin a goodbye kiss. “Some have to do it to survive.”

“There are other ways to live,” Sylvy began, urging her horse to turn by towards the main part of the kingdom, seeing as they were on the outskirts. “Le Lubrique for one replies solely on farmlands. We have no need for meat or the slaughtering of innocent animals. Everyone can live without such a horrible act; people and sorcerers alike. Meat is simply murder.”

Arthur half heartedly nodded, trailing behind her while trying not to fall off his horse. “I can’t argue with you there.” He didn’t want to argue with about anything her to be truthful, he had had enough of that already.

They traveled at a moderate trot in silence before she spoke up again. “Why haven't you invited me to a council meeting? I’ve been here for ages. Surely you have these sorts of things at least once a month.” She tried to act nonchalantly, but Arthur could see right through her. “I mean, there must be all sorts of things to discuss. An heir to the throne for one, seeing as neither you nor king Merlin can bear children.”

“We just haven’t had any council meetings, nothing interesting to report that couldn’t be done with a quill and parchment is all,” Arthur lied with a fake smile she could not see. “And an heir doesn’t need to be of blood. They just need to be taught how to properly command a kingdom like a fair and just ruler. To know what’s best for a kingdom, who to trust and who to leave behind in the woods.”

A look of abhorrence lingered on Sylvy’s face at Arthur’s words, bothered that he would even say such a thing. But Arthur was right, it didn’t matter if his heir was not his child as long as they were just and fair to all that passed them. Arthur could only imagine what Le Lubrique was like if all their subjects thought the same way Sylvy did. It must be all out war for them if a bastard appeared in court one day; though in reality royal bastards were a dime a dozen.

Sylvy went quiet for a moment, calculating her words while mulling over what Arthur had said. “With a kingdom as large as yours, surely there’s action all around? Suitable women all around. Something worthwhile must have happened during my stay,” her voice took on a tone that Arthur didn’t like, a light flush painting her cheeks like some teenage girl with a crush, “What about king Merlin?”

“What about my husband?”

“What has he been up to?” Sylvy asked indifferently, trying to hide her curiosity from Arthur. If only she would try to hide that damn blush. Merlin was physically attractive, Arthur knew this as an undeniable fact, but to be so unabashed while in front of the man’s husband? What was he? The first king of Camelot reduced to chop liver. Unbelievable!

“Well, he’s the second king of Camelot. A king’s job is never done. There is always more work than one man can handle. I should know, I used to be the one doing all the work.”

They reached town just as Sylvy took on an accusatory tone, “Then what are you doing here?”

Arthur resisted the urge to strangle her in front of so many people. His fists clenched around his reins so hard his knuckles turned ivory. “I’m showing you around, just as you had requested,” Arthur gritted through his teeth, trying so very hard not to glare at her.

“And here I was, hoping to attend a meeting with the second king.”

“Really now?” Arthur could feel the mare under him shuffle on her hooves at his fury. “You know what? There might be one later today.” What he had planned was so unbelievably petty and a tad childish, but at this point, he didn’t give a damn. Sylvy was getting on his last nerve. “I’ll have a servant call you when it’s time. For now, why don’t you explore our lovely town by yourself? Walk around without a king hovering over you and all. That way, I could get back to doing my job.”

Sylvy brightened up in spite of Arthur’s words. A smile was forming on her face, her high cheekbones pushed up even farther. Her brown eyes crinkled at the notion that she’ll be able to see Merlin. “I can’t wait,” she said, unsaddling and handing the reins to her horse to Arthur. “I must get ready,” she said to herself loud enough for Arthur to hear.

“Take all the time you need.”

Arthur would regret those words later that night when he sat among his advisers. Sylvy, their honored guest was over half an hour late and the others were beginning to feel on edge. Many of them were not planned for a meeting so soon after the one they had earlier that week. It was an unprompted get together for the lady in waiting’s sake, Arthur had explained to them.

On days like these Arthur was glad he was king and that there’d be grave consequences if he were murdered by one of his advisers. They would be in the right to do so, kill him that is; but he was hoping to live long enough to raise a couple of children with Merlin.

“Why are we doing this, Arthur?” Merlin asked, hiding a yawn with his hand. While Arthur was riding around the kingdom with Le Lubrique’s queen’s lady in waiting, Merlin was left to run the kingdom by himself. The haunted task of commanding and keeping an eye on so many people was taking its toll on the sorcerer. Merlin hadn’t properly slept in days, too busy keeping the kingdom in one piece.

“Sylvy wanted to be present for a council meeting. As a member of Le Lubrique’s court, we have to answer to her call until her stay is up.” Merlin gave him a look that called Arthur out on his poorly constructed plan. “And I may or may not want her to know that you’re taken.”

Merlin rolled his eyes along with most of the present court. They should all be used to Arthur’s antics at this point. What were they expecting? An honest to god meeting to discuss important topics with their visitor from foreign lands? Never. A fake meeting just so Arthur could flaunt the fact that Merlin loved him and not some conceited queen and her lady in waiting? That was more like it.

“Sometimes I can’t believe I asked you to marry me,” Merlin yawned again, giving Arthur a tired look in more ways than one.

“Feels just like a dream, doesn’t it?”

“More like a nightmare.”

“You love me,” Arthur opened up his arms so Merlin could take his place on the king’s lap. Merlin shook his head at the gesture, so incredibly done with Arthur. “Come on, Merlin. You know you like it here.” He teasingly patted his lap. “You can rest until our guest arrives.”

“Fine,” Merlin said begrudgingly after a moment of hesitation, his mind clouded by the want for sleep. “But you better wake me up when she comes.”

“Of course,” Arthur assured, inviting Merlin over once more. This time Merlin made himself home on Arthur’s lap, his head going to rest on Arthur’s chest. He curled in Arthur’s lap like second nature, having done this so many times over the years. Arthur wrapped his arms around the younger man, making sure he was supported and comfortable. Merlin fit perfectly nonetheless. Within moments, a soft snoring sound could be heard from the man on Arthur’s lap, content in where he sat. The second king finally got the rest he deserved. “I wouldn’t wake you for the world,” Arthur whispered, rubbing soothing circles on Merlin’s arm and leg.

Another half an hour passed achingly slowly without the esteemed lady in waiting’s presence. Arthur was about to call off the whole thing and make his way to his bedchamber when at last, the doors to the room opened to reveal Sylvy. She was no longer dressed in her usual servant attire with its cream apron and blue gray dress. Instead she had ransacked the queen’s wardrobe, wearing something befitting a ball.

The dress was elegant and detailed with silk and satin; a deep shade of bourbon that brought out her brown eyes. Her hand was even done up in cascading dark curls that perfectly fell from the knot atop her head. A glittering wine hair piece sat nestled against her hair, matching perfectly with the studs in her ears. She was beautiful even without the time spent enhancing what was already there, but now she stood ready to rule a kingdom.

Sylvy took her seat across from where Merlin would have sat. “Where is king Merlin?” she asked, not noticing that the man in question was currently sleeping on Arthur’s lap.

“I’m sorry for how unprepared we were, but I can relate to your troubles of not having enough hands to run a kingdom. My husband had taken the task of ruling all alone while I tended to your needs.” Arthur pressed a kiss to Merlin’s hair when he stirred in his sleep, continuing on his over sweetened words. “He’s beyond exhausted, but still wanted to take part in our meeting. Please understand that he really did try his best to stay awake.”

The emotions that crossed Sylvy’s face came in a blur; she was unreadable. But one thing was for sure, Arthur had won this small battle. He had shoved Merlin’s unquestionable favor for him in the lady in waiting’s face. Merlin was his and his alone. For good measure Arthur pressed a deep kiss onto Merlin’s lips, the sorcerer smiling in his sleep.

His advisers on the other hand felt cheated. If the death glares shot his way were anything to go by. Though there was one from Sylvy as well. A lot of people wanted him dead at the moment. But he was perfectly happy. They could string him up after the meeting for all he cared, the unintelligible look on Sylvy’s face was worth it. She was utterly speechless.

“I’m ever so sorry we were late to start, but would you like to commence this meeting?” Arthur asked like a gentleman with a cocky grin, making sure to stare right at Le Lubrique’s envoy.

-----

When Sylvy left Arthur rejoiced. She was finally out of his hair. Things could go back to normal and he could go back to spending his free time with Merlin instead of on horseback through a bare orchard. No matter how many times Arthur explained to Sylvy that their crops were not aided by magic like Le Lubrique’s, Sylvy insisted on seeing their “mortal” development.

Everything was put back into its rightful place. He couldn’t wait to put everything about Le Lubrique behind him and move on.

He was back on the throne with Merlin, leading the kingdom just as they were before the whole ordeal with Le Lubrique. Their advisers especially liked the fact that Arthur was back with Merlin; it meant less work for them. The moment that Sylvy left their grounds, Camelot’s advisers piled parchment after novel after demands on his table.

Those selfish bastards.

The so-called requests were so thick that Merlin didn’t even make a sarcastic comment comparing it to Arthur’s ass, and, or his thick skull; the warlock simply went to work. If Arthur himself wasn’t already terrified of the workload, he would have shocked himself to the grave at Merlin’s willingness to submit to their advisers. The two kings of Camelot knew when they met their match.

What felt like weeks passed where Arthur and Merlin did nothing but what their advisers ordered. They were slaves to their own court. The two didn’t leave their room for anything, not food, not training, not even a breath of fresh air. Their knights would occasionally knock on their door to make sure they were both still alive, but once the knights of the round table had been turned down a couple dozen times, they stopped caring. Merlin and Arthur shut off the world. They were practically locked in there, all because of their own doing.

Well, mostly Merlin’s doing. He was the one who invited the envoy over and wanted to make peace with the new kingdom. Arthur had nothing to do with that prolonged visit from the devil, he was only paying the price. His hands ached like it had been shorn off at the wrists, his back screaming for him to rest. He didn’t remember the last time he touched his bed, the neatly tucked in linens calling him to slumber. But he couldn’t, neither of them could until their work was done. Their kingdom depended on it and their kingdom came first, Arthur and Merlin’s comfort second. They both knew what they had signed up for when they decided to wed.

“A-Arthur,” Merlin groaned late one night, the sun mere minutes from the horizon.

Arthur immediately looked up from his book, putting his full attention on Merlin who was on the other side of the room. Neither of them had talked in days besides the few grunts they exchanged while passing over important text. The fact that Merlin was straining his voice now meant something serious was going on.

“What’s wrong?” Arthur coughed, his throat parched and dry as a desert.

“I-I-” Merlin began, rubbing harshly at his hurt eyes, “I think that’s the last one.” The sorcerer signed one more parchment with a flick of his wrist, setting it aside to dry along with the rest.

And the thing was, Merlin was right. There was no more work to go through, to tirelessly read; everything was finally done. “I’m so tired I don’t think I can see straight, b-but that was it!”

“What?”

“We’re finished, you clophole," Merlin smiled, taking Arthur’s breath away.

Arthur leapt out of his seat, pure joy masking the aches and pains as he rushed over to Merlin’s side. The king pulled the sorcerer from his chair, lifting the man into the air, Arthur kissed Merlin like it was their wedding day. Deep and full of all the longing he had for the man, grasping at him as if he could protect Merlin from the world.

He only pulled back for air, inhaling lungfuls before pressing his lips back against Merlin’s. Arthur missed his husband so damn much despite having worked across the room for each other. He hadn’t touched the other man in ages, it was heaven to feel his heartbeat beneath his pained fingers. To kiss down Merlin’s pale neck and mark him until the whole castle knew exactly what they had been up to. To pull at Merlin’s clothes, ripping his tunic right off of his chest, the buttons flying across the room.

“Arthur,” Merlin moaned, gently pushing Arthur back so he could speak. “I liked that shirt.”

Arthur thumbed at Merlin’s trousers, holding his hips tight enough to leave marks that Merlin would feel for days to come. “I’ll get you a new one.”

“But my mother made me that one,” Merlin complained, wrapping his arms around Arthur’s neck. His strong hand went to cup Arthur’s cheek, making the king look at him. Forcing the king to calm down and evaluate things. “We have to get something to eat too, dear,” Merlin told Arthur in a loving tone. “We’re both too exhausted for this.”

“I’m never too tired for you,” Arthur bit back, leaning into Merlin’s hand. He may have been putting his weight on Merlin’s desk so as to not fall over, but Merlin didn’t need to know that. Arthur could most definitely ravage Merlin while on the brink of death.

Merlin pulled Arthur close to kiss him softly, “If we go to bed now, then we can spend all of next day together,” Merlin tried to bargain, eyes teary from lack of any sort of sleep. “You’re going to hurt yourself, you ass,” he chuckled with a small smile that made his eyes crinkle with mirth.

“I don’t want to,” Arthur whined, “I’ve worked for weeks on end. Now I want my reward for behaving.” Arthur sat back on Merlin’s desk, pulling the man on top of him. The desk groaned under their combined weight, but Arthur hardly cared when he had Merlin on his lap and straddling his thighs. “You’re all I want.” He embraced Merlin, the warlock half naked and moaning as Arthur kissed along his arm. His mouth sucked at Merlin’s skin, teeth leaving markings on pale skin claiming Merlin as his. Arthur worshiped Merlin until his stormy eyes were hazy with unabated lust.

“Just you….”

Arthur slumped forward, out like a dying candle before he even knew it. Merlin had to stifle a laugh, though he doubted anything would wake Arthur then. The king was out cold, snoring like there was no tomorrow. Too bad Merlin had to carry his fat ass over to their bed. The warlock was beginning to rethink their plans for tomorrow. Sometimes he wished Arthur wasn’t such a stubborn ass and listened to him. It would save them both the trouble, Merlin was right most of the time after all.

“Get some rest, you oaf,” Merlin said to the asleep man, tucking him into their bed. Arthur’s blonde hair was like a halo against their stark white pillow, the dark bags underneath his eyes a contrast with the paleness of his skin. His old tunic was a dull red from overuse, the buttons holding onto the fabric for dear life. Merlin stripped Arthur of his boats and stuffy tunic leaving both men in their trousers. A much better way to sleep if anyone asked.

“Good night, Arthur,” Merlin whispered into Arthur’s ear, snuggling up against the king. He threw the blankets over himself and laid on Arthur’s chest. The pull of sleep had Merlin out just as quickly, the moment he allowed his breath to even out, there was nothing that would stop him from getting the well earned sleep that he so needed.

“Rest well, Merlin,” Arthur answered in a murmur, pulling Merlin in close. “Sweet dreams, you idiot.”

-----

“Arthur, calm down and try to see reason!” Merlin all but yelled at the king without his crown. The man in question was in his knight gear, armor and chainmail strapped tightly to his body for protection. His sword hung to his side, within reach at all times. Arthur could feel something ominous looming on the horizon, it was Merlin who was still seeing the world with rose colored glasses.

“I tried to see reason. I tried to play nice. And this is what I get in return,” Arthur gestured to the pile of charred wood on the round table. Wood that was once the homes of innocent farmers who played no part in the altercations of royals. People that Arthur was supposed to protect, their livelihoods and homes included. “We were nothing but good to them and this is what happened. Dozens of houses burned to nothing overnight!”

“We have to act now, Merlin.”

“Going in there with your swords raised in offence isn’t going to do anything but start an all out war,” Merlin insisted, urging Arthur to reel himself in, to not lash out at the closest thing. If it were anyone else Merlin would have already smacked them over the head for raising their voice at him. Unfortunately, Merlin was sleeping with the man and didn’t want to be smothered in his sleep. “That’s what Le Lubrique wants; a reason to fight. We can’t give them that.”

“Then what exactly do you expect us to do, Merlin?” Gwen piped in across the table from Merlin. Morgana stood to her side, eyes darting between all the speakers in a frenzy. “They attacked first. It’s only right that we return what they have given us.” Gwen picked up a piece of wood, charcoal rubbing off on her hands as she turned it over. “Arthur is right, we just can’t sit idle.”

Merlin stared at Gwen, hoping that she would be on his side on this. She solemnly shook her head, denying her friend’s offer. Gwen wanted to go on the offence just as much as Arthur, her friends were harmed when Le Lubrique’s soldiers set fire to a section of the kingdom. They burned down acres of farmland, dozens of homes with children and elderly. Luckily, nobody was killed in the process but many were harmed. Gwen wanted vengeance for them. She was a loyal ruler, loyal to her people.

“And we won’t,” Merlin bargained, “We won’t let them gain any more than they already have. No one here knows exactly what they want from us, but we do know that they’re willing to play dirty to get it,” he went on, talking with his hands to release some of the tension. “Let me be a spy and-”

“Absolutely not.”

“You didn’t let me finish.”

“No,” Arthur said firmly, daring Merlin to argue. “You stay right here with me. I will not have you risking your life for measly information.”

“It's not measly information, Arthur. It could be the difference between thousands dead and a simple treaty. We don’t know what Le Lubrique wants, but if we do, we could try to bargain with them. No blood needs to be shed,” Merlin tried, laying a hand on Arthur’s shoulder, forcing the man to look at him. “The queen wants me. She made that very clear. She won’t hurt me if she thinks I’m on her side.”

Arthur stared at Merlin, watching the sorcerer for any sign of hesitation. When he saw nothing of the sort Arthur sat down in his chair with a huff. Merlin really wanted to do this. Spy work is equal to a as rushing in with their flag flying and swords shining; both could end with Merlin buried six feet under. Even the implication had Arthur feeling like hell.

“How am I supposed to get anything done with you gone?” Arthur questioned genuinely, much to the snickers of the knights and ladies. “I can’t function without you,” this was whispered softly to Merlin, just for Merlin.

The anger and stress dissipated from Merlin’s eyes, his shoulders slacked in resignation. Realization slowly but surely dawned on the sorcerer. Arthur was simply afraid. The first king of Camelot was worried, on the brink of tears from it if anyone looked close enough. Merlin rolled his eyes, even after all these years Arthur was still undoubtedly the same.

Without a care for the other people in the room, Merlin sat down on Arthur’s lap, hands on the other’s chest to stabilize himself. Merlin leaned in close and pressed a kiss to Arthur’s lips, cradling his jaw like it was something breakable. “Everything will be alright, Arthur. I can protect myself just fine,” Merlin reassured in a careful voice, stroking Arthur’s cheek. “You won’t even notice I’m gone.”

“I always feel empty without you, Merlin." Arthur pulled Merlin in for another kiss, this one deeper than the last. The two only pulled away for air and even then they went back for more. They couldn’t have enough of the other, constantly needing to feel the other person. A give and take only the other could provide. “What am I supposed to do if you don’t return?” Arthur asked quietly, resting his forehead on Merlin’s. “How am I supposed to live?”

“I promise to you, you’ll never have to find out. You’re stuck with me," Merlin smirked, running his fingers through Arthur’s hair. "Till death do us part, darling.”

Arthur wished he could believe Merlin’s promise. He swore on his mother’s grave that if Merlin fulfilled his promise that he’ll listen to everything Merlin has to say. He’ll never question Merlin again, never talk back to the warlock, shove his stubbornness down and never speak of it again. Arthur would have done anything for Merlin, only the man asked.

Not a month later Arthur received news in the form of a messenger. Le Lubrique had declared war on any who dared try to take the last living dragonlord from them. Merlin was theirs, they stated, the dragonlord belonged to dragon tamers. The two are vital for the continuation of dragons in the old religion. One to gain their trust, the other to keep the creatures in chains where they belong. Any and all who tried to take away their dragonlord would be faced with lethal consequences.

At that Arthur sent the messenger to be put into the stocks. Lethal consequences. Arthur will show them just how deadly he could be. Le Lubrique will pay, a month without Merlin was torture but if they dared to lay a hand on Merlin they would all burn. Gwen was absolutely right, Arthur required vengeance, he wanted them all to feel just what angering Camelot will do, what angering him will do.

And after making such a claim over Merlin’s life, Arthur will show them no mercy. Le Lubrique had declared war on Camelot and Arthur would answer tenfold.

------

It took around two weeks for Arthur to prepare for battle against a kingdom full of sorcerers. Another week was spent traveling with his soldiers over land and sea. Through it all he couldn’t help but be eaten alive by the nagging feeling that he was too late. That he would arrive only to find ash; bones if he was lucky. Day and night he was slowly being killed by the fact that he could very well be walking into his husband’s grave.

“He’s going to be okay,” Morgana reassured him one day as he leaned against the railing of their ship. They were perhaps an hour if not less from shore and Arthur hadn’t slept a wink. He could feel exhaustion mixing with the worry brewing in his mind, ready to overflow at a single inconvenience. His sword was once again at his side, the memory making everything so much worse. “Merlin will be teasing you for worrying so much if he were here.”

“But he isn’t, is he, Morgana?” Arthur said more harshly than he intended. “He could already be dead for all we know.” And it would be all Arthur’s fault, though he kept that notion to himself. By the look on Morgana’s face, she must have been thinking the same thing.

“It's not your fault, Arthur. Merlin chose to go on his own free will.”

“But I was the one who allowed it,” Arthur bit back, standing straight on his feet. “I sent him to his death.”

“You don’t know that,” Morgana crossed her arms. She should be used to Arthur’s self destructive behavior but even this was getting too much for her. “If what that messenger said was true, Merlin’s probably being pampered to death.”

That seemed to be the wrong thing to have said because Arthur’s despair did not lighten. It seemed to have gotten worse. “What if he likes it better with Le Lubrique’s court? I’m no warlock, I can’t compete with their magic!”

“Arthur, you’re overthinking this,” Morgana was done with Arthur’s antics. She was ready to gag him and throw him in the ship’s makeshift prison cell until they had properly docked. “Merlin will run right into your arms the moment he sees you. I’m willing to bet on it, just you wait and see. Merlin loves-”

At Morgana’s silence, Arthur looked over to the direction of her gaze. Their ship was making speed but Arthur suddenly wished they had stopped right where they were and sink. The sight took Arthur’s breath away, making his blood go cold. Le Lubrique was burning and it looked like it had been burning for a very long time. There was no shoreside to speak of, just endless flickering flames. Where the castle should have been standing tall like a beacon was nothing but flames, ruble, and ash.

“Merlin!” Arthur yelled even though his voice would not carry that far. “Merlin!” he called again, his heart sinking to his stomach. He wanted to drown at sea. He never wanted to reach the shore, to be lost in the ocean and never have to face what he already knew was there. The absence of what he knew should’ve been. “Merlin!” he shouted even though it was futile.

“Arthur, please!” Morgana struggled to pull him back from the side, afraid he’ll jump and swim the rest of the way himself. Or worse. “Just an hour, please. That’s all you have to wait for. You- you don’t know for sure.” Even Morgana was not so sure of her words, the picture in front of them was hard to paint as lies.

“I sent him to his death….” Arthur whimpered, “I killed him. I killed my husband.” The king sank to his knees, kneeling next to Morgana. The woman could barely hide the tears in her eyes at the sight. Everything she wanted to say, every reassurance died on her tongue. Whatever she said could very well be a lie and nothing more.

“We will make them pay, Arthur. We will make them pay for what they’ve done,” Morgana decided instead, pulling Arthur to his feet. “They won’t get away with this,” she stated sternly, much like their father when he had set his mind to something.

Less than an hour passed where the tension was so thick, one could slice through it with an unsharpened sword. All on board prepared for battle, despite the fact that the fires never stopped burning. Regardless of the fact that they might be too late to be of much good. The fighting had already begun long before they docked, a civil war where the same flag was flying on opposite sides.

“Go search for what is left, we’ll handle everything else,” Gwen informed Arthur when they stepped foot on the raging battlefield. She was dressed in chainmail armor just like everyone else, Camelot’s colors making her blend in with the searing fires. Her helmet was covering most of her face, giving her the appearance of a frightening soldier ready to take lives at a moment's notice. If Arthur was in a better mood, he would have been sorry for the folks who would come face to face with Gwen, the quick footed soldier instead of Gwen, the gentle, kind hearted high lady. At the moment he was on the verge of breaking and was ever so glad that Gwen was as cut throat as she was.

“Thank you,” Arthur told her from the bottom of his heart, “We should have listened to you from the start.”

“You followed your husband’s request, I can’t fault you for that.” She pulled Arthur in for a hug before sending him off. “Go find our king.”

Gwen didn’t have to tell Arthur twice, he was off before she finished speaking. The only thing is his mind was finding and holding Merlin. Nothing else mattered. Not the war thriving around him, swords clashing, arrows flying, Camelot’s red against the duality of Le Lubrique’s purples; nothing. The sorcerer was all that was worth living for and Arthur had a guess as to where Merlin would be.

The castle with Le Lubrique’s flag flapping against the blistering wind was as good as any place to start. Arthur climbed the hill that the palace stood on with lead in his stomach. It felt like every step he took he was merely walking into a trap. The castle should not still be in one piece, the battles around the structure should have made it no more than debris. However, it still stood on weak support.

Going against the nagging voice in the back of his head Arthur called out for his husband, “Merlin!” He walked closer to what would have been the courtyard. Around the perimeter were burning shrubbery that must have been a sight to behold at one point in time. Now there were nothing more than flares and the source of black smoke. The cobblestone center was stained with a drying red that Arthur did not want to face the source of. “Merlin!” Arthur sounded out in the courtyard.

“Arthur,” a hoarse voice groaned weakly. Arthur ran in the direction it came from, his sense of self preservation be damned. Merlin’s life could be on the line.

“Merlin, stay with me. Keep talking!”

“I-I’m over here,” Merlin hissed out helpfully, not informing Arthur where, “here” exactly was. Why did Arthur have to marry such a buffoon? Sure, no one could compare to Merlin, but at the very least he could have courted a smarter man.

“I’m coming, just stay where you are,” Arthur said hastily, rushing through the crumbling courtyard. “Don’t you dare die on me, I’ll kill you myself if you do!” he threatened, searching every nook and cranny for the warlock.

“That’s my line, you ass,” Merlin moaned in complaint, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. “Come up with your own catchphrases.”

Sometimes Arthur couldn’t believe his choice in a partner. Merlin was really making banter with him while possibly on the brink of death. He was definitely going to kill Merlin for this. “Make me, you bastard,” Arthur cursed, rounding a sharp corner that fell apart as he passed it. His breath was taken away for the second time that day when he saw Merlin on the ground.

They were in what must have been a parlor, the stained glass windows shattered on the ground as a number of the fine furniture burned to cinder. Arthur could imagine the room as something beautiful if he were to be invited over for tea. Now he just saw it as a smoking mess, something that he was glad was going up in flames. Though, without him or Merlin in it would be nice.

“There you are!” Arthur exclaimed, rushing over and kneeling on the floor next to Merlin’s frame. The sorcerer was half naked with sharp nail marks littered across his pale skin. Merlin’s neck was a raring red as if a hand had been wrapped around his throat which didn’t let up until he passed out from the lack of air. His form was covered in a thin sheen of sweat and tears, his rib cage stuck out in unpleasant angles. It looked like he hadn’t been fed in days. The sight made Arthur furious, but Le Lubrique’s court could wait. Arthur had to get Merlin to safety first.

“Took you long enough, you oaf,” Merlin hissed through his teeth, his lips chapped from dehydration. The corner of his mouth was bleeding as if he had been back handed across the face. Arthur reached out a hand to touch it, to make sure Merlin was real and not just some illusion made by a sick sorcerer. “Stop that, it already hurts to talk,” Merlin coughed, his eyes hazy.

“What happened?” Arthur couldn’t help but ask, shrugging off his cape to throw over Merlin’s bare chest. It didn’t offer much coverage but it was protection against the flying embers. As a bonus it covered the markings that made Arthur’s skin crawl.

“I arrived under the guise of an envoy, just as we had planned. Everything seemed to be going fine, but they found out I was a spy early on. It was like they could read my mind, and I don’t doubt that they have the knowledge just for the spell,” Merlin explained, pulling Arthur’s cape close, the soft fabric offering a sense of shelter. “But they didn’t seem to care that I was there under ulterior motives. They were only glad to have me, mind and body,” Merlin shivered at the thought. “Le Lubrique’s queen wanted me to father her children.”

Merlin paused to let the thought sink in. He watched Arthur for his reaction. Arthur’s face twisted in a disgusted sneer, baring his teeth at the implication. The king clenched his fists until his nails dug deep enough into his palm to drag blood. Arthur wanted to feel the pain, something to ground him farther so he didn’t march off to kill someone who might already be dead.

“Le Lubrique wanted dragons as slaves, no king would be dumb enough to go to war with a kingdom with dragons on their side; no matter its size,” Merlin went on, his eyes glowing yellow at the notion. “They needed me as a stud.”

Arthur was repulsed at the notion that Le Lubrique would even conceive of such a thing. He must have looked ready to vomit because Merlin quickly added, “Le Lubrique’s queen even tried to make herself appealing to me when I denied her advances.” Arthur could only imagine what the woman did. Sylvy’s antics immediately came to mind. “She magicked her hair blonde and made her eyes your shade of blue.”

Arthur couldn’t help but darkly chuckle at that. Of all the ways to make Merlin fall for someone, blonde hair and blue eyes weren’t it. “Did she really think looking like me would get you to bed her?”

“No,” Merlin began again with a pained yelp that he tried to hide. “What she said was what made me comply.”

“What did she say?” Arthur growled, his earlier fury seeping back into his bloodstream. “What did that harlot say?”

“She threatened your life, Arthur. Your honor, your dignity, and reign as king. Everything,” Merlin got teary eyed at the memory. “The way she took her pleasure from me was painful, but it was nothing compared to the thought of what she said she would have done to you.”

Arthur was shaking with rage, his whole body trembled with the urge to tear Le Lubrique’s queen apart, limb by limb by his own bare hands. His hand hovered over his sword subconsciously. He wanted to kill her, needed to destroy her for what she’s done. For the fear she incited into Merlin. Arthur was bloodthirsty; he hoped that Gwen was just as demanding of blood.

“I wanted to kill her.” Merlin’s quivering voice brought Arthur back to the present. “Let me kill her, Arthur,” Merlin begged his husband, his lip beginning to bleed.

“Of course,” Arthur wiped Merlin’s tears away with his thumb, his hand caressing Merlin’s cheek gently. “Anything you want, I’ll give it to you in a heartbeat.”

“Now, Arthur. I want to kill her now.” Merlin tried to sit up but the cry of pain had him falling right back to where he was. “She deserves to suffer.” His eyes lit up in a gold light, trying to magic his way upright but failed and fell down once more. The warlock’s body was in a worse state than he appeared, he shook in a cold sweat like an infection induced fever.

When Merlin began coughing fistfuls of blood at the strain Arthur was forced to act quickly. The king straddled Merlin’s legs, sitting down on his lap to keep Merlin on the ground. “Shhh, I’m here, Merlin. I’m safe, I’m alive,” Arthur barricaded Merlin with his arms. “I’ll bring you her head, I swear.”

“Let me do it, Arthur. I can kill her myself,” Merlin barked, another fit of coughs had him squeezing his eyes shut.

“I’ll bring her to you, alive. You can do anything you want with her court,” Arthur tried a different approach, tears forming in his eyes at the sight of Merlin in this state. “You can make her pay for what she’s done, make her feel the same pain. But please, Merlin,” Arthur begged, stroking Merlin’s face as tears fell on the man’s face. “Stay with me. Keep talking.”

Merlin opened his eyes at Arthur’s request, pain painting them a disorientating blue. “It hurts, Arthur. She did so, so many horrible things,” Merlin admitted in the burning parlor room. He reached out angry scarred arms to wrap around Arthur, pulling the king flush against his chest. “Everything aches, it feels like I’m being burned alive.” Merlin had Arthur in a death grip, there was barely enough room for either of them to breathe. It felt like home.

“They will pay, this I swear,” Arthur made an oath, kissing Merlin to make it true. “By the end of this day their bodies will be put on display for all to see.” He kissed down Merlin’s neck, burying Le Lubrique’s queen’s markings with his own. “Do you want her kingdom as well, Merlin? Say the word and it's yours.”

“I want you. I want her gone. I want her kingdom. I want it all,” Merlin’s mind was spinning with searing fever, screaming pain, and the constant pleasure of Arthur licking at his throat. He squeezed Arthur’s neck with his shaking arms. “Give me everything.”

In a burning parlor of a dying country with a queen and court that abandoned it, the first king of Camelot made a vow to the second king; an apology and a promise. Everything the licking fire was eating, everything destroyed by its own queen; the country, and the sea that surrounded it. The never ending farmlands, the people that survived, and the bones that would be buried by ash of its own making. The entire kingdom; dead, dying, or thriving. All of it would be Merlin’s.

All of it is Merlin’s.

“My king shall have everything.”

#arthur pendragon x merlin #merlin x arthur #arthur x merlin #bbc merlin #merlin bbc #merlin emrys #merlin #merthur #guinevere #arthur pendragon #knights of the round table #guinevere pendragon #bbc arthur #king arthur #king merlin #arthurian legend #gwen #morgana #morgana pendragon #bbc gwen #gwen pendragon #arthur #morgwen #bbc merthur #fanfic #fanfic writing #fan fic #fan fiction #fanfiction #fanfic rec

[natvrefairy]

Hi, I saw ur request rules and wondered if I could ask for a merlin X reader (romantic) and it's like really fluffy? Thx 😊

A/N: Of course! I'm so happy my first request is for Merlin, because both him and the entire show are just so iconic. I really hope you like this. :)

Something Meaningful (Merlin x Reader)

Requested: Yes!

Reader Pronouns: They/them

Word Count: 1,529

C/W: Uther is dead. A little bit of self-doubt on Merlin's side. Occasional rant. A little bit of stream of consciousness. (Cause I'm experimenting with that technique.) Fluff!

Context: Morgana's alive and good. Mordred and the rest of the knights are also still alive, but they're not really mentioned. Arthur and Gwen are King and Queen. Arthur's allowed magic in Camelot, and they know about and accept Merlin! And LGBTQ+ is accepted! (Cause reader is they/them, and there's no angst here. ^^)

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

When Uther died, Camelot was a bit of a mess. Not that it wasn't before; Uther's reign wasn't a particularly cheerful one. But although he wasn't the kindest person, people still loved him, and his death simply came as a shock to everyone.

Arthur took it the hardest. But honestly, that was to be expected. When most people lose their parent, they get time to grieve, but Arthur didn't have the luxury of time. Uther died, and Arthur was thrown into power.

The first few months were the worst. Not just for Arthur, but the whole castle. But with Guinevere and Merlin by his side, he got through it. And with Arthur as King, it no longer mattered what anyone thought of his relationship with Gwen, because she was now the Queen.

But with Guinevere becoming Queen, a small issue arose. The Lady Morgana no longer had a servant.

Morgana, being as lovely as she was, truly didn't care about the loss of her maidservant. She still had her friend, and enjoyed her independence. But her brother thought it necessary, so the job was given to (Y/N).

Gaius didn't appreciate losing his other helper, but he couldn't say no to the King, so that was that.

But then, Gwen also needed a servant. And once again, the job was given to (Y/N). Merlin most definitely did not approve of his best friend's drastic increase in work load.

"I always knew you were an ass, but I didn't realise you were stupid as well." Merlin told Arthur the following morning.

Arthur's new title as King didn't change Merlin's attitude towards him in the slightest.

"Merlin, you can't address me like that."

"I did before, why is it any different now? Your highness."

"I am the King."

"Doesn't change the fact that you're an ass."

(Y/N) managed to talk Merlin down, but that didn't mean he liked the idea of them having to rush around everywhere all the time. Although, at least it was only Gwen and Morgana, who were both perfectly capable of taking care of themselves.

If it was two Arthur's, that would be an entirely different story.

That was about two years ago now. Camelot has had law changes since; such as the lifted ban on magic, allowing people to freely practise their gift, and the new acceptance of anyone identifying as other than cisgender/heterosexual.

And finally, at long last, the land of Albion was united.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Having both grown up in Ealdor, Merlin and (Y/N) were always close. (Y/N) would constantly seek out Merlin and William, the three of them soon becoming best friends. When Merlin set off to Camelot, (Y/N) tagged along to look out for him, Will staying behind with his father.

Unlike Merlin, (Y/N) didn't possess any magic. But although being completely normal, they always went out of their way to try understand what their friend was going through. They never understood Uther's hatred towards magic. Even without having any themself, they absolutely adored Merlin's gift. Witnessing him in action never failed to put (Y/N) in a state of awe.

But of course, Merlin is much more than his magic. That, (Y/N) always knew, even when he didn't believe it himself. They were always there for him, and he was always there for them. That was how it always was, and how it always will be.

Which is why it was so hard for either of them to pinpoint exactly when their feelings grew. They always cared deeply for each other, but at some point, both completely unaware, those feelings blossomed until they were both completely and utterly in love.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

The two friends were granted the evening off, and unbeknownst to (Y/N), Gwen and Morgana had something up their sleeve. Having long figured out the pair's mutual yet oblivious feelings, the women decided to take matters into their own hands.

This involved giving them the evening off, and directly telling Merlin to confess.

"I'm sure they feel the same way," Gwen encouraged, "I know it's hard, but try something meaningful. If you can't say how you feel out loud, do something special instead."

So here Merlin was, a nervous wreck as he lead (Y/N) outside of Camelot, to a small forest clearing. What if they didn't like it? What if they turned him down? Then it could lead to disaster and they won't want to be his friend anymore and everything they had built will go to waste.

"Merlin," (Y/N) grasps his hand, immediately gaining his attention, "whatever has you stressing out, it's okay. I'm here, and I always will be. We'll face it together."

Taking a deep breath, he had them close their eyes, before gently leading them in the right direction. Glancing around to make sure everything was in place, he tried his best to calm his nerves.

'You can do this,' he thought to himself, 'you can tell dragons what to do, and they listen. This should be easy.'

"Merlin?"

"Oh, right, sorry. You can open your eyes now."

Opening their eyes, (Y/N) gaped at the scene before them. A rug laid out on the grass, all their favourite snacks and fruit laid out in front of them. Glancing between the dinner and Merlin in a combination of joy and surprise, they struggled for words.

"You did all of this?"

"Well, I may have stolen some things from the kitchen, but... I hope you like it?"

(Y/N) laughed - one of Merlin's favourite sounds - and pulled him over to sit down.

"Thank you."

Just their smile was enough to calm Merlin's nerves, and everything melted away as they began to eat, telling stories and laughing. Everything between them seemed perfect.

That is, everything except for the unsaid feelings.

As they finished and the moon began to rise, they cleared up a bit before laying down to stargaze.

"Star-gazing was a good idea," (Y/N) said softly after a while, turning their head to face Merlin, "but I have to ask, what was this all for?"

"What? Aren't I allowed to just spend time with my best friend?" Merlin replied, a little too quickly.

"Of course, but that's not what I mean. You seemed really nervous earlier. I can tell when you want to say something, Merlin."

He turned his head away in embarrassment, so (Y/N) shifted their body to properly face him.

"Hey, look at me," they said, placing their hand on his cheek and tilting his head back towards them, "you know you can always tell me anything. We've been through so much together. Nothing will scare me away."

Merlin gazed into their eyes in silence for a moment, before speaking up, voice barely a whisper, "It's hard to say it out loud. Can I just show you?"

"Of course. Whatever's best for you."

Slowly, he moved one hand to rest on (Y/N)'s cheek, hesitating slightly as his gaze shifted between their captivating (E/C) eyes and plump lips. Finally, deciding it's either now or never, he leaned forward, tilting his head as he captured their lips in a tentative kiss. He felt them stiffen slightly, his heart racing as his mind flooded with unwanted thoughts. This was the end. They were going to shove him away and never speak to him again.

But then, the thing he expected least of all happened; they actually reciprocated the kiss.

Their hand moved to his hair, butterflies going wild in their stomach. They never expected him to feel the same way about them, and now they couldn't even think straight. The only thing they could concentrate on was the feeling of his lips on their own.

Eventually, the sweet moment came to an end, leaving each of them completely breathless, faces only inches apart. They gazed into each other's eyes, catching their breath while they both tried to process what just occurred.

Then, all at once Merlin freaked out and started a rant, desperately trying to explain himself. Apology after apology flooded out of his mouth, raving on and on about how much he loves them and how he probably ruined everything and should have just kept his feelings all to himself.

(Y/N) cut him off with a small kiss on his lips, leaving him staring at them in shock when they pulled away.

"I love you too, Merlin. I thought I was so obvious about it," she laughed softly, gently running her fingers through his hair. "I'm so lucky to have you in my life, and I'm glad you feel the same."

His shock vanished, and he gave that heartwarming smile of his as he wrapped his arms around them, pulling them close. "You have no idea how happy that makes me."

And so they stayed there like that, laying and enjoying each other's company in the comfort of their mutual feelings. They stayed there until they decided it was time to head back and face Gaius' concerned wrath on them staying out so late. But for once, it didn't bother them listening to his lecture, because their lives had just changed for the better.

#bbc merlin #bbc arthur #king arthur #arthur pendragon #bbc morgana #morgana pendragon #bbc guinevere #bbc gwen #bbc gaius #y/n #merlin x reader #bbc merlin x reader #merlin #fluff #x reader #childhood friends #nb reader #magic #lgbtq #they/them reader #nonbinary representation

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Oldstones

Prompt: I got a prompt for you! (but no pressure if you don't wanna): The knights discover that Merlin is incredibly musically gifted but shy about it, and they try to make him see how talented he really is - aeonthedimensionalgirl

*vibes in playlists*

Read on Ao3

Warnings: it's fluff all the way down bois

Pairings: merthur, morgwen, can be platonic or romantic I don't care

Word Count: 2604

Merlin is allowed to keep secrets, yes, but that doesn’t stop people from wanting to find them out.

Come on, the man is literally the most conspicuous person in the castle, one doesn’t rise to that title without sparking at least half a dozen gossip trains each day. Whether it’s where he was when the King was in his private chambers with the knights standing guard, whether it’s how the speech the King hadn’t written is finished by the next morning, whether it’s how often things mysteriously show up just where they need to be…

There are rumors that he sneaks away from the castle at night. No one knows where he goes. Because it definitely isn’t the tavern.

But one doesn’t get Merlin without the host of people that surround him. Arthur, the King, of course. Gaius, the Royal Physician. Morgana, the Queen Regent, at least until her proper coronation. Gwen, who holds the ear of the servants in the castle—the real power here.

And the knights. Brothers, ’til the end. And Merlin is one of them. They couldn’t care less about the rumors flying around unless they hurt Merlin. Then, well, all bets are off. But Merlin is theirs and if there’s nothing wrong, they won’t ask questions.

That is until, of course, there is something that he really should’ve told them.

There is a negotiation with a neighboring lord about whether or not the knights will be allowed passage through his land on patrols. Arthur sends the knights and Merlin to go a broker a brief agreement with representatives before he can join them. The negotiations are long and offset by the fact that the leader keeps shooting narrow-eyed glances at Merlin.

“You sure we haven’t met before,” they ask for the fifth time, “you seem…familiar.”

“I can assure you,” he says, for the fifth time, “I would remember.”

Gwaine and Percival exchange a look. They’re making no headway, the leader is unwilling to accept anything as trade. If they don’t find something soon, the fingers itching towards swords will find their marks sooner or later.

Then Merlin sneezes.

He apologizes for interrupting the negotiations, only for the leader’s right hand to slap their knee and point accusingly at him.

“I knew it,” they crow, triumphant, “you’re the songbird!”

Merlin blinks. “I’m sorry, what?”

“The songbird,” they repeat, standing, “you’re the one who sings in the abandoned arena.”

Well, that certainly explains where Merlin’s been sneaking off to if the way the tips of his ears turn red is anything to go off of. It certainly doesn’t help his case that a few more people run into the room, some of them children, and gasp when they realize that someone’s found the songbird.

“My apologies,” Merlin manages after a moment, the embarrassment still blooming on his cheeks, “I didn’t realize that anyone would—that I—that you could hear me.”

“But your voice is so pretty,” one of the children cries, “will you sing something for us now?”

“Oh, do the one about being happier!”

“No, no, the one about being a bad liar.”

“Ooh! Ooh! Or the one about the bright lights!”

“I’m quite partial to the ‘stay with me’ one,” another lieutenant remarks.

The knights look on, half amused, half bemused, as the requests pile up. Only when Merlin’s mortification begins to seep past his facade do they have mercy.

“That’s enough,” Elyan says gently to the children, “we don’t want to overwhelm him.”

“Don’t we,” Gwaine mutters.

“Well,” Merlin says before Leon can respond, “I believe we’ve found something you want.”

The leader regards him for a moment. Their face twists as they think.

“…and how am I supposed to know that you are the pretty little songbird that’s been singing in there?” They look him up and down. “You could just be using that as a convenient excuse.”

The right-hand snorts. “No one else kriffing sneezes like that.”

Lancelot hides a snort behind a cough.

“You are correct that we cannot offer you anything material or legal in exchange for the deal,” Merlin says, still heroically fighting the blush on his cheeks, “but perhaps this will suffice instead?”

“Entertainment,” they muse, tilting their head back and forth, “a tempting offer.”

“A song for the deal?”

“Not just one song,” the leader huffs, “more.”

They glance back at the knights.

“What you’re asking of us, it’s a lot. That’s a lot of money we’re losing. Damages, labor, replanting.” They glance at the lieutenant. “How much?”

“Three thousand.”

The leader whistles. “That’s pretty steep.”

Their attention shifts back to Merlin.

“Three thousand, huh? Three hours.” They lean forward, their eyes on Merlin’s face. “That’s about how long you normally spend in that old arena. Three hours.”

Merlin nods. “When?”

The leader’s smile grows. “Tomorrow evening, little songbird, when the lord and your king can come to watch.”

They ride back to camp with the paperwork of the deal completed, Gwaine teasing poor Merlin about his habit of sneaking out to an old abandoned arena and singing. Leon watches on, not bothering to hide his smile, as Merlin’s embarrassment fills the air. At one point he shoots him a look that clearly says ‘are you not going to help me?’

The one he sends back makes it clear that this is more than enough entertainment for him.

“Alright,” Lancelot says eventually when he sees Merlin’s jaw start to wobble, the line of embarrassment to humiliation much shorter than he would like, “that’s enough, leave him be. After all, the songbird has to perform tonight, don’t make him lose his voice before he closes the deal.”

“I’ll take it,” Merlin mutters.

They do thank Merlin for agreeing to do this when they get to camp. Leon slaps him on the shoulder and congratulates him for being willing to do it.

“It’s fine,” Merlin says, shuffling a little next to the fire, “I just…wasn’t expecting it.”

“Well, no,” Gwaine sighs loudly, “I also wasn’t expecting to find out that one of my oldest friends is a songbird.”

“Merlin’s your oldest friend?” Elyan snorts. “How bad are you at making friends?”

“Oi!”

“No, wait, seriously, do you have no other friends?”

“I have friends!”

“Really? Who are they?”

Merlin grins as the topic of conversation steers away from him and more toward Gwaine’s apparent inability to make friends. Well, meaningful friends. People you down pints in the tavern with don’t really count—no they don’t, Gwaine.

Of course, just because the knights are getting distracted doesn’t mean Leon is getting distracted.

“How long have you been able to sing for, Merlin,” he asks softly, too unobtrusive for the others to notice, “did your mother teach you?”

The tips of Merlin’s ears redden again. “No.”

“It’s alright, Merlin,” he says softly, “there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, it’s alright.”

“It’s—it’s—“ he shifts— “it’s nothing.”

“If the lord was ready to make a deal over the promise of your voice, that’s not nothing, Merlin.” Leon frowns when Merlin just keeps shifting uncomfortably. “What’s the matter?”

“It’s embarrassing.”

“That’s alright.”

“You’ll laugh.”

“Never,” he promises gently, “not if it’s worrying you this much.”

Merlin shifts a little more. “…I’m not actually that good.”

“Lie.”

Merlin’s head jerks around as Leon glances over his shoulder to see Lancelot watching them. The knight nods toward the other three who are now arguing about the precise alcohol quantity of some tavern drink as he scoots closer.

“Lie,” he repeats softly, “I’ve heard you sing, Merlin, you’re incredible.”

“Did you—“ Merlin splutters— “did you follow me?”

“No,” Lancelot says, raising his hands, “but the patrols do go there from time to time.”

Merlin buries his face in his hands. How many people have heard him?

“Shh,” Lancelot says, bringing his hands away, “you’ll do great. And if you don’t, we’ll be the ones who suffer the consequences for agreeing to a ridiculous deal.”

Merlin shakes his head. “I don’t know why I agreed to this.”

“Because it was the first thing they suggested that wasn’t entirely unreasonable.”

“You think this is reasonable?”

“Well, yes, compared to the thirteen caskets of gold, two barrels of opals, and six cartloads of mead.”

“It will be fine, Merlin,” Leon promises, “don’t worry so much.”

Merlin is plenty worried, thank you very much, especially when Arthur, Morgana, and Gwen show up the next day to look very very confused at what the deal has turned out to be. Arthur is fully intent on teasing Merlin mercilessly about his singing only for Leon and Lancelot to shoot him a death glare. He shrugs. He can do it perfectly well afterward.

The lord meets with them, they sit in their places of honor, and Gwaine cups Merlin’s elbow as he steps onto the stage.

“Ready, songbird?”

He sighs. “Are you going to keep calling me that?”

Gwaine just grins.

Merlin looks…small on the stage, they realize, despite the fact that he looks right.

Then he begins to sing.

Gods.

Three hours feel like an eternity, collapsed into an instant. His voice lifts and soars, pouring into the air like an endless well. The happy songs send them into the stratosphere, the sad ones drop them into the planet’s core. Arthur reaches blindly for Morgana’s hand at one point and they cling to each other, there in the upper corners of the theatre.

One song reaches deep into Morgana’s chest and tugs in too many places to be unfamiliar. Wrapped up in power, unable to use it properly, cultivated as a thing, a cog in a machine, trapped. A dangerous flare in her gut, reached only by the way Merlin’s aura hides reluctant darkness, one borne on necessity and resentment.

One song pushes back against Arthur’s shields, calls out to a child. A child, too soon knighted, too soon forced into the mold of the perfect King, still raw from years and years of being overlooked, not being chosen, not being wanted. It calls out in remorse, in mourning for someone lost long ago yet could not be grieved because they’re still here, just buried under layers and layers of armor. The person they used to be.

One song hurts them both.

They’re not sure how long it’s been when Merlin stops for a moment, smiling, before he takes a moment to talk about the next song.

He says that there is a tale, an old one, about a soldier. A legendary warrior, impervious to all harm, except for one spot on his body. His heel. When his mother held him as she bathed him in power, something that would keep him safe, keep him invulnerable. What she did not realize is that her son did not have just physical weaknesses, nor that her son’s supposed invulnerability would keep people from realizing that he was a person too.

He says that the story tells of someone very important to this warrior, someone who realized that he was human, first and foremost, and that someone was taken away. Murdered. And what good was that invulnerability if he could not protect the one he loved? The warrior was only human, after all, and humans make mistakes. And they need to be reminded that’s all they are, behind all the power, all the invulnerability, they’re human.

The name of the warrior?

Achilles.

His voice has a sense of urgency now, one that they’ve only heard once before. When a squire, suddenly happy after months of being lost in their own head, climbed to the highest balcony in the castle and stood there, wobbling in the wind.

The song climbs, higher, and higher, the urgency growing, his light shining brighter and brighter.

Then the trick.

Another voice, dark and distorted, a twisted version of him, ringing out in the theater despite the fact that his mouth is closed. Gasps and shock as the audience tries to figure out what the trick is, how this is happening, too caught up in the thrill of the performance to care that it might be magic. The dark voice whispers temptation, scorns the others, tells the warrior to jump.

Morgana does not let go of Arthur and Arthur will not let go of Morgana.

The dark voice sings alongside Merlin, the theater caught in the storm of his making. The dark voice vanishes into a whisper, Merlin all but pleading the warrior to come down.

As the last verse starts, he looks directly at them.

There is no more facade, no more roles for him to play. This is Merlin, singing to them. The concert may be for the deal, this song is theirs.

Throw yourself into the unknown

With pace and a fury defiant.

Clothe yourself in beauty untold

And see life as a means to a triumph.

Today of all days, see

How the most dangerous thing is to love

How you will heal and you'll rise above.

Crowned by an overture bold and beyond

Ah, it's more courageous to overcome.

When the song ends and the spell is broken, the whole theater has to take a moment to breathe.

There are more songs, more that touch different people in different ways.

“I will say this,” Morgana whispers, still blinking away tears, “I don’t see them backing out of the deal.”

Arthur can’t find the words to reply.

Too soon, Merlin announces that the next song is the last one. The theater crows in protest, Arthur and Morgana among them, despite themselves. A strange look crosses his face as he raises an eyebrow.

“No? You don’t want to leave?”

Another round of ‘no’ goes up.

“But we have to,” he says softly, his voice still ringing as if surrounded by old stone halls, “we can’t stay here, as much as we want to. We have to keep going. We can’t be the rock that the water beats away at, we’ll be worn to nothing.”

To their surprise, he sits.

“…or we’ll fade into ghosts.” He looks around. “But we’d like to stay here, for a moment longer, with the ghosts, yes?”

At the noises of agreement, he smiles. “Then let’s do a different song for the last one.”

And oh, what a song he chooses.

It’s not as vocally impressive as some of the other ones, nor does it tug on their heartstrings as painfully. But this one, more than any other song he’s sung tonight, sounds like Merlin.

A girl, dancing in the ruins of an old stone castle with the ghosts of her loved ones. Season after season, year after year, until she too became a ghost, dancing with them once again.

They can almost feel hands on their shoulders.

The song ends and the deal is complete. The leader approaches to have a quiet word with Merlin before he exits the theater and waits. The lord stumbles to Arthur and Morgana, almost in a trance, with the promise to ride behind them to Camelot to officially sign the deal the next morning. Arthur is only conscious enough to nod and murmur a reply. Morgana isn’t much better. The knights have already formed a protective huddle around Merlin as they return to camp, the little songbird all sung out.

When they get back to camp, Merlin barely has time to thank them for coming before Arthur pulls him into a hug.

“No,” he whispers, “thank you.”

#merlin #merlin bbc #bbc merlin #fic #dragonbabbles #arthur pendragon #morgana pendragon #guinevere pendragon

[bethanyeliseart]

Time for more after midnight Merlin ramblings!! I'm really just writing this because I need to get these thoughts down. I just got to The Disir episode in my Merlin rewatch and boy oh boy does this one cause a strong urge to cry in absolute frustration more so than the finale(not that the finale doesn't make me want to sob into a lake). It's not that it's a bad episode, it's probably one of my favorites in terms of writing (so this might also be me pointing out things I really liked) like how Revenge of the Sith is my favorite star wars movie but it also makes me want scream into my pillow.

Basically it's Merlin and Arthur's decisions, mainly Merlin. I know Arthur has always been arrogant but c'mon man, disrespecting the Disir's sacred place !! While he jokes about Merlin's worries, he usually comes around and sees how serious he is about something this important. That one might actually be because of iffy writing. They tend to wash away any character development Arthur gets, in regard to magic, a few episodes after he gets that development. But anyways, his insolence is what leads to Mordred being hurt, thus leading to Merlin's big dilemma.

Now onto Merlin which is the number one reason I was frustrated. Obviously he screwed up in telling Arthur not to bow to the Old Religion, since the Disir let Mordred live anyway. I do understand why he did it, but as a watcher you obviously shout at the TV all the things they could've done or taken into consideration. All he's been hearing about the moment he stepped into Camelot was how there is this big destiny he's apart of to protect Arthur, so that magic and peace can be brought back to the kingdoms. And Mordred has been made to look like the biggest threat to Arthur. For him it really doesn't get any clearer than a straightforward vision from a seer. But in opposition, Gaius said the future is always changing and there's no clear path. Which yes! And Kilgharrah was the president of the get rid of Mordred club since he was a child. Poor Merlin is pulled in so many directions because he knows Arthur is so fond of Mordred and you can even see that Merlin was beginning to like him at the start of the ep! The little moment of them paying their respects to the sorcerer and talking about their magic! It makes me so emo. Obviously Merlin is devastated about telling Arthur that there can be no magic in Camelot, but the way I think we're meant to see it is that he's hoping that sentiment will be temporary for Arthur. Because no Mordred, Arthur doesn't die, Arthur gets to bring back the magic. (God, Merlin and his relation with his magic and other magic users is entirely something else I could get into, but I won't for now) But aghh that also can just lead to Arthur's further disdain for magic. Like after Uther kicks the bucket due to magic, Arthur states that all magic is evil. So Merlin, you should've taken that into consideration, Mordred's death would be Uther's 2.0 !! The end of the ep makes it clear that had Merlin told Arthur to bow down, Mordred living would be for the better this time. Arthur would welcome magic into the kingdom and maybe Mordred would've told Kara of the good his King had done, she wouldn't die, and Mordred wouldn't seek revenge on Arthur.

Anyways that's just me being like any other person getting frustrated over what if scenarios. While I like to think oh how wonderful it could've been if Merlin had thought this through and given Mordred the benefit of the doubt, I don't think it makes sense in this storyline if he did. To me this story has always been a tragedy so it was never going to have the happiest of endings. Like he told Gaius, he'd grown up, well more accurately he's been traumatized by what happened with Morgana. So after more than 5? years of seeing the constant threats to Arthur, Merlin's not going to take any chances. I'm not an expert in literature, but I think Merlin has a negative character arc and I love that the later seasons highlight it. Props to Colin Morgan for the scene when he's literally tearing up over having to tell Arthur there can be no magic. I freaking love the parallel to s1 the beginning of the end ep, Merlin being emotionally distraught over the decision to help Arthur save Mordred or not both times, but this time it ends with him choosing no.

Honestly I like season 5 because there's so much at stake and I love when things like fate start to come together. But what makes me mad is that we didn't get another season when the plot really requires it. The first way another season could've gone is Arthur doesn't die in s5 and he and Merlin bring peace to the kingdom, fulfilling their destiny (personally I think Arthur would still have to die at the end of s6 at Mordred's hand but the end credits could be him rising idk!). Second is the last season could be Arthur rising again, but not as far as the 21st century. Personally I would love to see Gwen ruling Camelot with Merlin as her advisor, and then halfway through the season there would be an intense challenge and Arthur would rise again. Basically it was rushed which we all know.

It's late so these thoughts are very messy and contradicting. But one of the reasons I love this show is because it makes me think so much about the characters and their decisions! (also I'm a sucker for tragic heroes) Feel free to add your thoughts and opinions below on the Disir episode or just Merlin in general!

#the disir #bbc merlin #but ya i went into this show knowing arthur's fate so i always saw it as a tragedy #I think Merlin loved and needed to protect Arthur so much that he forgot to consider the consequences got camelot as a whole #arthur pendragon #merlin #mordred #so many thoughts they could change when i wake up

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

The Magic Reveal fic we deserve, in which Merlin gets as angry as he deserves to get:

Part 2   Part 3   Part 4   Part 5

Don’t get me wrong I LOVE a magic reveal with a Merlin who feels bad about lying. I love a reveal with Arthur being furious and Merlin crying but then they talk it out and all is well. I think it's pretty in-character for Merlin to want to see Arthur come to his own conclusions about magic, without being influenced by Merlin’s opinions

BUT I also kinda wanna see Merlin get angry? Like, why should he feel bad about hiding himself in a kingdom where "himself" gets him nothing but a pyre?? Yeah, he and Arthur are close, but unless you've lived with a secret like that (one that will get you shunned, hated, or even killed) then, and I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH, it doesn't matter How Close you are with someone, how certain you are that they would never hurt you, or care either way, it will almost ALWAYS be scary to tell them. So like. Let Merlin get angry:

I'd say Arthur has been king for maybe a year at this point. He's still a new monarch, still a lot on his plate, BUT also still plenty of time for him to have repealed the ban on magic, or at least started working on it.

But he hasn't.

Granted he hasn't executed anyone in a while (banishments and prison time are the norm, executions are only used nowadays for high treason). BUT the law still remains, it's still technically punishable by death, to be a sorcerer.

Arthur and Merlin have little hunting trips, when Arthur is getting too stressed and losing too much sleep, when he trains the knights too hard and snaps at even Gaius, Merlin (or sometimes even Leon, if they're both being grumpy arseholes) insists that they leave the city for a day or more, to go hunting.

The council have been told it's so the King can keep up with his fitness, can keep familiar with his lands, and keep his skills sharp (he only has enough time to train with the knights a couple times a week nowadays, a far cry from the several hours he used to do every morning without fail), and that keeps them satisfied.

The Gang (the Knights, Gwen, Gaius, and Morgana (she's good in this because that's what I want let me have this)) know the truth, that sometimes the two of them just need a few days to goof off and be themselves, to finally get some time to relax. They'll grab a couple hares and maybe a stag on the way back if they can, so they can at least pretend that's what they've been doing the whole time.

These trips can last anywhere between a day, to two weeks, and Arthur leaves the same set of instructions with the council and the knights every time:

"The safety of Camelot’s people is your highest priority. I leave Sir Leon in charge of everything to do with the knights, patrol, and should any form of conflict arise. If there is an emergency, you are to consult the Inner Council (I don’t know if that's a thing but let's say it is; its The Gang), and send a squire on horseback to fetch me immediately. There's one boy in the troupe who always manages to track me the down the quickest, so make sure he's the one sent, Sir Leon knows who I speak of."

(He's improved over the years, but Arthur is still very... cagey, when it comes to compliments, and his trust. Leon will never mention it, but the fact that Arthur leaves the safety of the kingdom to him, without hesitation or worry, makes him feel greatly honoured. That is the highest form of trust Arthur is capable of giving.)

~

ANYWAY I feel like most of this has just been backstory so let's get into it:

Normally it's Merlin or Leon who demand that the trip needs to happen.

This time

It's Arthur.

Arthur has tried to ignore it (he's trying to get better but he's not great with emotions and stuff, the big dummy) but Merlin has been in a sour mood for weeks now. He's been quiet and withdrawn, snappy, and has been avoiding Arthur whenever possible.

At first it was easy to ignore, when it started a few months ago it was barely noticeable to anyone who didn't know the two of them Very Well, but in the last few weeks it's become a problem.

Arthur reckons a trip might do them some good. Merlin can relax, and will either get over whatever is bothering him, or be comfortable enough to talk to Arthur about it.

So they head out. Merlin doesn't seem too happy about the trip but he doesn’t complain.

(Odd in itself, if Merlin is unhappy about something he usually makes it known.)

The first couple of days are... odd, to say the least. It seems that every time Arthur notices Merlin relax, he quickly tightens up again. One short, joking conversation is followed by a few more hours of painful, awkward silence.

Arthur comes to the daunting realisation, that if he wants to help is friend (and the love of his life but like... baby blondie has hardly reached that conclusion himself, he might need a bit more time on that) is to confront it head on.

So they're settling down in the evening. The fire is roaring, the horses have been fed and watered, dinner has been eaten, and the two of them are sat at opposite ends of the fire (Very Odd, they're usually glued at the hip, especially when it's just the two of them).

Arthur looks at his friend properly for the first times in a while and he Does Not Like what he sees.

Merlin is visibly exhausted, big bags under his eyes, and his skin paler than normal, scowling ever so slightly into the fire. Shoulders tense, and hands gripping each other until the skin on his knuckles is white. And despite all that, Arthur thinks that Merlin looks more sad, than angry.

Maybe Merlin notices Arthur's staring, they hold eye contact for a little while before Merlin becomes sort of... resigned?? To the fact that he's gonna have to have this conversation whether he wants it or not? He goes to say something but before he can, Arthur interrupts him:

"So Merlin. How do you think I'm doing so far?"

(Which is a stupid thing to say, really. But Arthur is, as we've already established, extremely emotionally constipated, and he figures that finding out what's wrong with Merlin indirectly, and then subtly fixing it behind his back, is a far better idea than asking him to his face.)

Merlin clenches his jaw and looks away it this, his reply and his body language clearly sending different messages:

"You know what I think. You're going to be a great king."

Arthur thinks : "(Going to be? I've been king for a year, there's been no war and far fewer attempts on my life than when I was a prince. There's been a good harvest, all diplomatic meetings have gone well, and more peace treaties, and trade agreements, have been signed in the last twelve months, than in the ten years before it. I know I can still do better but... does Merlin not think I'm good?")

Arthur says : "Going to be? I think I'm a pretty great King already if I do say so myself."

"Then why ask? Besides. There are a few things you haven't done."

Merlin's tone is biting, even though he tries to force it out casually. Arthur notices. ”There are a few things you haven't done”... that means something specific.

"Hmm. I suppose. What things did you have in mind then, Merlin?"

Arthur also tries to sound casual, but the question comes out very pointed

Merlin desperately doesn't want to say it out loud, in fear of revealing too much of himself, so he goes with the vague answer of:

"Promises were made. I guess I just figured you weren't the type to break them, that's all. I'm sure you'll get there in time."

Merlin sounds sort of hopeful there. But the sort of hope that he's been living with for years, the sort of hope that has a layer of sadness and resignation laying over the the top like a tablecloth.

Arthur notices:

"Promises?" He doesn’t want to talk too much or too loudly, in fear that Merlin realises that he's speaking openly and clams up again.

Arthur has realised, over the last year or two, that despite their closeness, despite the endless conversations they seem to have, he doesn't really know all that much about Merlin. He knows he doesn’t spend as much time picking herbs, or in the tavern, as he and Gaius would claim. He doesn't know his favourite colour, or season, or holiday. He doesn't know when abouts his birthday is, or what he likes eating. He doesn't know much about his childhood, he's never mentioned his father.

(Despite all this, he's still in love with the idiot, but again, a revelation for another time.)

Merlin responds "To the druids. You promised they would be welcomed, that magic would return. I know your opinions on magic-"

(The manservant visibly shuffles at this, uncomfortable.)

"-but I figured a promise is a promise. Keeping your word had always seemed so important to you. Before."

Arthur notices the past tense. Like Merlin doesn’t believe that Arthur holds importance to his word anymore:

"I'm not my father Merlin. There have been no executions just for the sake of it since I took the crown."

Merlin’s reply comes quickly, in a harsh tone:

"Yes I know that. But your fathers law still remains. It's technically still punishable by execution just to exist as a sorcerer in your kingdom."

(Arthur notices the thinly veiled disgust in Merlin's voice when he mentions Uther. Arthur knew that Merlin disliked the previous king, but he didn’t think he hated him that much.)

Merlin is getting more and more visibly frustrated at this point. Both at Arthur, and the topic of conversation, but also at himself, for letting himself become so worked up over something he'd sworn to keep Arthur away from.

"You really didn't like my Father did you Merlin?" He says it with a chuckle, trying to keep the conversation light and casual.

(This is NOT a conversation that should be light and casual, his friend is in pain, and revealing more of himself than he ever had before, this should be serious. But Arthur isn't quite sure how to do that, so inappropriately light and casual is what he goes for.)

Merlin responds with a quiet, but forceful:

"I hated him. I still do. He's your father, I know that you're not him, and I know you can't help your heritage. But I'll never forgive Uther for what he did. And I'm not angry that he's...gone."

Arthur's very much taken aback at that. He knows everyone has... strong opinions on Uther, but they've never voiced it in front of him.

"Why?? I mean I know he put you in the stocks a couple of times, but so have I to be fair. Why do you hate him so much?"

(This is the point Merlin gets angry. Or angrier. This is when he stops trying to hide it, stops trying to hold it in. Arthur hadn't gotten angry at Merlin for talking about Uther in such a way, he was just curious. Merlin had been planning on telling him the truth at some point anyway, so he might as well do it now, with no one else around, and Arthur in a goodish mood.)

Merlin jumps up, clenching his fists and staring Arthur in the eye for the first time since the start of the conversation, breathing deeply.

Arthur is taken even further aback at Merlin's sudden unwillingness to hide his true reaction to the topic at hand, but he doesn't say anything, and just waits for Merlin’s response

"Why?? Why do I hate him? Maybe because he was blinded fear and selfish hatred."

Merlin stops and looks away, but doesn't sit down, still tense.

I imagine he's waiting for Arthur to say something, but he doesn’t, opting to wait for Merlin to carry on himself, unwilling to remind Merlin exactly who he was talking to, and about what.

After a few moments of silence, Merlin continues, getting angrier with each word as he paces:

"Your father, the Great King Uther, murdered thousands of people. He committed genocide, because he insisted on blaming other people for his own mistakes. He didn't pay attention to the fine print, and killed his own wife and in return, he executes THOUSANDS of MY people. Just for daring to exist. He was so full of hatred, but he, of course, was infallible so it MUST have been someone else's fault. He was incapable of admitting his own mistakes and the injustice that went unpunished is indescribable, he was a tyrant, and a murderer, and I'll never forgive him."

(Arthur knows the truth about what happened to his Ma in this story, I don’t know how, he just does. And it's a topic of conversation he avoids like the plague.)

At the end of his little outburst, Merlin stills. He is shaking as he glares at the floor, and is more furious than Arthur has ever seen him before.

The King notices the little slip up.

"Your people?" He says, so quietly it's a wonder Merlin hears it.

Merlin freezes at this, at the realisation that there's no real way he can play this off. He was planning on telling him at some point anyway. They're miles away from the city in the middle of a large, barely tamed forest. If he needs to run for his life, he could get away easily enough.

"Yes Arthur. My people. You really should've let me speak first."

Arthur is reminded of the fact that Merlin had opened his mouth to say something, before he'd interrupted him at the beginning of the conversation. It felt like it was hours ago now, but it was really only a few minutes.

The King isn’t nearly as shocked as he thinks he should be. He knew there was something odd and secretive about Merlin, and he'd considered that he might have magic in the early days, but that hadn't been a genuine consideration for years.

He wants to be angry, and selfish, and furious at Merlin for lying to him all this time. But after hearing Merlin’s little speech, does he really have any right to? 

Yes, Arthur hadn't executed any sorcerers, but he also hadn't changed the law. He hadn't stood up to his father and he certainly hadn't tried to stop the executions before he was King himself. Can he really blame Merlin? For being scared? For being angry?

"You're a sorcerer." It's not a question. It's a statement. In his mind he knows the truth, but it needs to be confirmed, out loud, by Merlin himself, before they can move the conversation on.

"Yes."

And that's all he says. Arthur waits. And when he's tired of waiting, when he realises that Merlin isn't just gonna carry on talking this time, he speaks up:

"And?"

"And what, Arthur? What do you want me to say? That I'm sorry I lied? Yes, I feel bad for lying to you, but I'll never apologise for protecting myself in a kingdom that would see me burn. And I would do it again in a heartbeat"

Arthur nods. He's tense, but he notices that he isn't scared and he wonders why, after all, as far as he was aware magic had only (almost only) caused him pain and fear. 

(In the back of his mind he knows why he's not scared. Merlin doesn't have an evil bone in his body, and he's met the druids, he knows that some magic users are peaceful.)

He looks up at Merlin to see him staring at him, a sort of challenging look on his face, like he was daring Arthur to prove him right. Daring him to be selfish, and angry, and just like his father.

But when Arthur looks deeper. Really Looks at Merlin. He sees the fear, Arthur has no doubt in his mind that Merlin could escape, or even fight him off, now, if he needed to. But Merlin is scared.

If that wasn't enough to break Arthur's heart, the quick glance that Merlin throws to the space a few feet from Arthur's side, is.

Arthur looks over slowly, eyebrows furrowed, to see what Merlin glanced at so fearfully. His heart shatters when he realises what it is. Arthurs sword, sat underneath his bag, just out of his reach. Merlin thinks Arthur is going to kill him. Merlin is scared. Of Arthur.

Arthur looks back at Merlin, disbelief and gut wrenching sadness on his face. He resists the urge to jump up (knowing it would just panic Merlin) as he speaks, trying to keep his tone calming, but it comes out rushed and desperate anyway:

"I'm not going to hurt you Merlin, I swear. I'm...sorry, if my actions and words have led you to believe that I would EVER see any harm come to you."

It's over the last minute, the anger and fear from Merlin, that forces Arthur to realise the legacy he's dealing with. That Uther had done so much damage, had struck so much fear into Merlin, that it didn't matter how close they were. Any subtle, deliberate ignorance of the law wasn’t enough. Any small compliments, or defence of Merlin, wasn't enough.

As long as the law remained, as long as Arthur left his fathers legacy intact, with not even a small attempt to dismantle it, Merlin would be scared of him.

Merlin relaxes only slightly at Arthur's words, gulps, and glances once more at the sword before sitting down again. He’s still tense as he stares into the fire once more.

"All these years you've been putting your life at risk, to stay at my side. You could've quit at any time. You could've stayed in the relative safety of Ealdor, but you didn't. Why? I want to know everything Merlin. You... you mean a great deal to me, and it pains me to see you in fear. And I know it's no one’s fault but my own, and I want to fix it. So the whole story, from the beginning, I want to know."

It's Merlin’s turn to be taken aback now. In his mind, everything he's said and done in the last few minutes should be making Arthur angry. The disrespect of Uther, the tone of voice he had taken, the shouting. All of that even before the admittance of his greatest secret. But still Arthur wasn't angry, he was confused, and maybe hadn't quite processed it yet, but mostly he was just sad, sad that Merlin had to be angry on his own. Sad that Merlin had to be fearful on his own.

So he does. He starts at the beginning. His mother sending him to Camelot so Gaius could train him. Saving Arthurs life that first banquet. Saving his life again a few days later. And again. And again. And again

He talks about all the small insignificant magicks he did: cheating at dice games and keeping Arthur's bath water warm and making sure the fire stays lit through the night and helping the knights sleep when they're out and about.

He talks about all the big magicks he did: killing Nimueh and being the last Dragon-Lord and Balinor being his father, and all the great battles he had won and all the times he'd saved Arthur when Arthur hadn't even realised he'd been in danger.

He talks about everything in between. About every lucky fallen branch and every lucky rockslide and every lucky solution that wouldn't have worked without Merlin... nudging it in the right direction.

He talks and talks and talks until his throat is sore. And Arthur stays silent, unwilling to interrupt, listening intently and saving any questions and queries until the end.

After an hour or so, Merlin hesitates, but Arthur can tell that there's something else. Something he's not saying. Something that in Merlin's mind, is the scariest truth of all. So he stays silent, and waits for Merlin to continue:

"The old man that you think killed your father. Dragoon, the sorcerer who kept popping up but was never in the same room as me? That was me, in disguise."

He looks nervous at this and looks up at Arthur. Before, he'd been explaining everything with a blank but resolute look on his face, still staring into the fire (that hadn't been fed in well over an hour, but was still going strong).

Arthur just looks surprised, he'd never considered that Dragoon had been anyone but himself.

"I tried Arthur. I may have hated your father but I tried to save him. But the pendant around his neck stopped it from working and healing magic has never been my strong point anyway. I really did try."

Arthur nods at this. He figured there had been no reason for the old sorcerer to kill his father, and after consulting Gaius and realising the truth about the pendant, he didn't blame him. Though he never told anyone, not even Merlin, why would he? His manservant had never even met the guy.

"I know. I'm sorry, it can’t have been easy, thinking I blamed you for his death all these months. I'm sorry Merlin."

Merlin looks surprised but quietly grateful. Over the course of the last hour of explanation he had slowly become more and more relaxed, realising that Arthur really meant it when he said he wasn't going to hurt him, and just wanted the truth.

Merlin was still scared, and a big part of him still believed he'd probably be banished at the least at the end of this conversation. But it still felt good to get it off his chest.

"But you still haven't answered my question. Why? We didn't know each all that well those first few weeks. Months even. We practically hated each other at the beginning. But you stayed anyway. Despite hating me and despite being in constant danger. Why?"

Merlin once again hesitates at this. He tried his best but even after all these years, he's not quite sure how to navigate conversations about destiny, especially his own, and especially how it's tied so intrinsically with Arthur’s.

Instead he says:

"What do you know about Emrys?" He really needs a starting reference for this part of the conversation, and at this point, the best way to get it is to ask directly.

Arthur goes to question why, but Merlin has been nothing but honest and straight forward with him, so he trusts that it’s important, and answers truthfully:

"Not much. A few Druids have mentioned him to me before. Apparently they've been seeing him in prophetic dreams for centuries, the Druids have quite a few "seers" in their ranks. He's meant to be some great sorcerer, whose destiny it is to bring Magic and peace to Albion, with some King or other at his side. I never payed much attention to it, I hardly believe in visions of the future."

Merlin nods at that:

"You've got most of it. Emrys is meant to be the most powerful Warlock to ever walk the earth, past, present, and future. When Uther started culling sorcerers, an astronomical amount of magic was poured back into the earth all at once. The Triple Goddess took that magic and put it all in one place, in one unborn baby, in the hope that said baby would grow into his power, and restore balance and compassion to the world. The Druids call him Emrys but it's just a title, like King, or Sir, not his real name. He, and the Once and Future King, are meant to rule with the support of one another, uniting all of Albion under the King’s rule, and bringing magic back into the land. Emrys and the Forever King, two sides of the same coin, their destinies interwoven."

Merlin goes silent at that, and Arthur thinks he knows where this is going, but he Needs the confirmation:

"What's that got to do with anything?" is quietly muttered.

"You're the Forever King Arthur. And I am Emrys. Though it's weird enough when the druids call me that so just... let's stick with Merlin alright?"

"All those times you said I would be a great King, all those times you had unfailing faith in me, was because of destiny?"

Arthur tries not so sound hurt, but he’s never cared for, or believed, in destiny. Up until now he'd thought Merlin had had faith in him as Arthur, his friend, not as some prophetic Once and Future King that Arthur was afraid he would never be.

"At first, sure. I was angry, that my destiny had been decided for me. That I couldn't just ignore it because if I did then the world would never know peace. I never asked for that responsibility I just wanted... I just wanted to keep my mother safe. I wanted to learn how to be a physician and use my magic to help and entertain and brighten the world. Just a little bit. And suddenly I had this big important role to play. I hated it. But I did it anyway, kept you safe. And then I got to know you as a person and you weren't your father. You Love Camelot, you Love your people, you're a good man who does everything in his power to help those around him, even if they don't deserve it sometimes. And suddenly, having my destiny be to help you to greatness... well, it didn't seem so bad anymore. Maybe it was your destiny to be that Great King from prophecy, because you were already a good man."

Arthur is speechless at that. Tears gather in his eyes but neither of them mention it and he doesn't let them fall. Merlin had been almost as nice as that in the past, but never so fully, and with the weight of the truth behind it, it seemed much more meaningful.

Merlin gives him a sad smile before he continues:

"I'm your servant until the day I die Arthur. I have faith that one day, you'll do the right thing."

Arthur suddenly remember the whole point of this conversation. That Merlin was upset and angry that he hadn't repealed the ban on magic yet, that Merlin was still waiting on him. Waiting on him to do the right thing. Waiting on him to fulfil his destiny.

~

Maybe they head straight home? Merlin walks into Arthur's chambers the next morning to find him already up and pacing, making a start on the repeal?

Maybe Arthur demands they go to the closest Druid settlement so he can consult them on how he should go about it? Merlin’s knowledge of magic is great and all, but neither of them were alive before the purge, neither know how it would work practically.

All I know, is whenever Merlin first comes across Arthur working on the repeal, determination in his eyes, he cries a little. That everything he sacrificed is finally paying off.

I also know, that the first time Arthur timidly asks Merlin to show him something magical (maybe that's straight after this tiring conversation, or maybe its days later, back in the safety of Arthur's locked chambers) Merlin cries even harder, Arthur is still scared of magic, how could he not be. But he loves and trusts Merlin more than anything in this world, and he wants to learn to not be scared anymore.

~

THIS IS COMPLETED!!

All 5 parts have been posted:)

If y’all want my thoughts on anything specific, let me know✌

#merthur #bbc merlin #merlin #merlin/arthur #magic reveal #good morgana #knights #sir leon #sir gwaine #sir elyan #sir lancelot #sir percival #gwen #guinevere #gaius #arthur is gay but stupid #merlin is gay but stupid slightly to the left #morgana #merthur headcanon #angry merlin #bamf merlin

[theonceandfutureking6481]

BBC's Merlin Season 1 Episode 4: The Poisoned Chalice Analysis

This is one of my favourite episodes, in this season, mainly for Merlin and Arthur. They are wonderful in this episode, and this is the first episode where you really see them starting to truly care about each other. This is a show fundamentally about love and the relationships between every character, and Merlin and Arthur are at the core of the show. Everyone in this episode though is so brave, and I admire them all so much. I talk a lot about a lot of different elements of Merlin on here but what I really love about this show is how much the characters inspire me, how much I admire them because I'm not sure I could ever be as brave as these characters, but I'd like to be.

Merlin's courage

There's not much in detail I can say about this but Merlin is so brave at the start of this episode. To burst into the king's hall and publicly accuse another king of attempting to poison Arthur. It's funny but one of the parts of Merlin's courage I most admire isn't his bravery to die for Arthur, it's his willingness to speak out when somethings wrong, his willingness to publicly embarrass himself, his willingness to be brave even when he could be wrong. It's a reachable form of courage, I don't think any of us frequently (or ever) have the opportunity to die for others, but in many ways the fact that we could all be as brave as Merlin in this way, that's what makes it feel so much more unattainable and thus more admirable.

The bigger courage though really is when Merlin drinks from the goblet, honestly even though Uther made him, Arthur probably would have drunk it but Merlin didn't let him. Merlin knew he would die if he drunk from that goblet, because he believed Nimueh to be telling the truth (which she was), but (as Arthur says) "he did it anyway." To meet death so willingly, it's not like jumping in front of someone in the moment in a battle, he had to make the choice to drink that poison because he is willing to sacrifice his life for Arthur's. And it hasn't got anything to do with destiny yet, he cares about Arthur, Arthur's his friend and Merlin's a good person. It's just a very noble moment for Merlin, Uther was making him but at the same time you could see Merlin choosing to drink from it, that's a choice and that was incredibly noble.

Arthur and Uther

There is tension between Arthur and Uther in this episode, between their views on the world and honour. It is, I think essentially summed up in.

Arthur: Because his life's worthless?

Uther: No, because its worth less than yours.

It's funny, you can see Uther's perspective here. He is right about one thing, Arthur is the future king, even if he's not inherently worth more than Merlin the stability of the kingdom rests on a secure succession and Arthur is Uther's only heir, there is more at stake here.

But Arthur's also right, a world in which any single person's life is protected more than others because of their social position is not a good place. It is not something Arthur believes in, but in Uther's world its just a given, it's not even a question that people ask.

Uther: This boy wont be the last to die on your behalf

Arthur: I can't accept that

Arthur never accepts this inevitability, he always seeks to risk his life first before any one else's and people follow him because of that, people (even his enemies) see the nobility in him because of that. His refusal to accept what to Uther appears to be an inevitability of kingship (Not a welcome one granted but one nonetheless) is what's going to make him a better king than Uther. As Morgana emphasises when she's persuading Arthur to go.

Morgana: And what sort of king would Camelot want? One that would risk his life to save that of a lowly servant, or one that does what his father tells him to?

Isn't this really just the point, Arthur will be a better king than his father because for him his right to rule is in some way always premised on his fulfilment of what he sees as right. Arthur is always trying to prove himself, especially in the early seasons. In Season 2 Episode 2: The Once and Future Queen when Arthur is fighting in a tournament under an alias so people don't know its him (and they will hopefully not let him win), you really see this.

Gwen: You have nothing to prove, least of all to me.

Arthur: I have everything to prove, to myself.

This is the fundamental point, Arthur is always trying to prove himself often to his father or others but always primarily to himself. Because he needs to prove to himself that he can rule Camelot, that he is deserving of it, so for the fact that he's going to be king to hold any weight he needs to do what he thinks is right, because if he doesn't then what sort of king would he be anyway?

This ties I think into what I mentioned in the last episode about Merlin and the greater good. The idea that Merlin never really makes the choice to kill Morgana or Mordred, except for in a moment where it was Morgana or Arthur, where it was a certain in the moment choice. Yes, he reaches a point where he tries to let them die but this is different to outright murder, and I think perhaps a Merlin who would have killed them is not a the Merlin we know, it is not a Merlin that could have formed Camelot. Arthur and Merlin's goodness comes from always trying to do the right thing, whatever the sacrifice to themselves, and if they hadn't been those sort of people then there is no way they could have been people who made a better kingdom.

Gaius: Arthur may give you a hard time, but at heart he's a man of honour. Not many people would have risked what he did for a servant

Uther

Uther's interesting in this episode, he has one of his worst moments in the show, not the worst thing he's ever done but certainly one of the worst things we witness. He purposefully lets Merlin die, we could understand it when he wasn't letting Arthur go after him, but to try to destroy Merlin's only hope for a cure to teach his son a lesson, that is cruel and so wrong. This takes valuing Arthur's life more than Merlin's to a whole other level, he values Arthur's obeying of him more than he values Merlin's life.

This goes to another feature of Uther's character I was just thinking about. He constantly mistakes control for love. He seeks to control both his children, he wants them to obey him, and if they openly defy him or disagree with him he punishes them. But he does love them, probably more than he loves anything else. When Morgana stages a coup against him and tells him how much she hates him he is broken, and he literally never recovers he does love them that cannot be denied but he spends so much of his life mistaking his controlling them for an expression of his love. It is an expression of his fear, he is scared of being out of control as he was when his wife died. Magic can be dangerous but mostly it caused him great suffering (although really it was him), so he seeks to control it absolutely, there is no nuance there and this is how he behaves towards his children. Hate and fear are terrible things to be motivated by, and Uther shows that. His hate comes from his fear, and his cruelty comes from there as well.

One thing, Uther does accept his fault at the end of this episode. It's not really adequate but its better than nothing and in its own way shows that Uther is capable of character development, and the fact that he will fail to do it in the most important ways is sad. His moment when he says to Arthur that Nimueh "is evil", it is so clear he is talking more to himself than anyone else. Isn't that a sign of trying to persuade yourself, he has to tell himself that Nimueh's evil cause ultimately she was just doing what he asked, and if he doesn't villainise her absolutely than its his fault too.

The one moment that really does redeem Uther a little in this episode is when he tells Arthur that "You did the right thing... I'm proud of you Arthur, never forget that." The last comment is telling, Uther knows he's not the best father, he knows that Arthur probably doesn't realise that Uther is proud of him. So the 'never forget that' is a reminder, I think, for when Uther inevitably forgets that himself. It is a reminder, for us, in its own way that Uther is trying to be a good father, and at least in this realm Uther realises that he very often fails.

Morgana

One interesting thing I noticed in this episode was how frustrated Morgana is with her life. I've never really noticed it before, but its in everything she says and does, even in the episodes before this. Even before she turns against Arthur and Uther and Camelot she is angry, not just at them, she's angry at her life. You can tell she feels like she doesn't have the power to do anything, like she's being controlled and perhaps like she isn't able to anything good or right because of Uther and her position, she feels pity for all the magic users but she is a part of the body that persecutes them. How do you reconcile that?

Morgana: Sometimes you have to do what you think is right and damn the consequences

There is so much frustration in that, and everything she says in this scene. I don't know exactly what this says about Morgana's character or her eventual place in the story but its interesting to note. Perhaps its to say her hatred of Uther and eventually Arthur isn't only because of her sympathy for magic users and eventually her own fear and feelings of being unloved but perhaps has its roots in her anger at this time, in Uther's control and her own powerlessness.

Merlin and Arthur

This is Merlin and Arthur's episode, so its kind of funny it took me so long to get to them, but there's really not that much to analyse in the wider scheme regarding them. They just are, and they are wonderful.

This is the episode where you see they do truly care about each other and they are truly good friends They risk their lives for each other with barely a second thought, and yes that is partially their own honour and decency but it is also fundamentally their care for each other that motivates them. You can tell when Merlin's thinking about destiny when he saves Arthur, it becomes such a huge part of his characterisation later on even though he loves Arthur more by that point he also admires him more so Arthur's destiny seems more important. Merlin doesn't really admire Arthur that much yet, he respects him and cares about him but the sheer admiration he will have for him comes later, and it is that admiration that makes him care even more about Arthur's destiny, because he believes in it far more. Right now though it is just their goodness and their friendship that motivates them.

The final moment between them though is beautiful. The moment when Arthur goes to Gaius' chambers just to check that Merlin's all right, even though he's obviously been told he is. He brushes it aside as usual, brushes how much he does actually care about what happens to Merlin (I mean Arthur did just go on a perilous quest that could have led to his death for him so I think Merlin gets it). But the moment at the end of that scene is lovely. There is just such mutual respect and recognition of each other and what they've done for each other, and the way they look at each other is just so wonderful.

Merlin: Thank you

Arthur: You too

Nimueh

One quick note about her. We will find out eventually what her motivations really are, that she's obviously not just evil. That she is angry at Uther and understandably so. And I wonder if in her there is a parallel for Uther I hadn't considered before. Both of them were involved in Igraine's death and Arthur's birth. And it was as a result of this action that Uther outlawed sorcery and began the great purge. She out of everyone knows best how hypocritical Uther really is. And in her own way, though it is obviously not her fault, it is her actions that set off the great purge. Uther made the choice to blame her and all magic but nonetheless it was a spell she cast that was the trigger, and I wonder if in her own way she feels guilty (just as Uther feels guilty about his wife's death) but like Uther she takes it out in anger rather than guilt. I'm not saying she should feel guilty, perhaps over Igraine's death but certainly not the great purge. However, she most probably does, and like Uther I think she's refusing to feel that guilt, and to avoid that guilt she chooses hatred and anger instead.

Bravery

Everyone in this episode though, is so brave. Gwen, Merlin, Arthur and Gaius all do risky, brave things that could get them killed, though maybe not killed in Gwen's case but certainly in huge trouble. Gwen sneaks into the dungeons and Gaius does magic. We will learn more about Gaius' character later but he is in many ways not a brave person, he is the sort who witnesses injustice and stays quiet, he's not brave. But he's brave here, he does magic, for Merlin, because he loves Merlin like a son. All the courage and bravery in this show comes from the love people have for others, and that's an important message, that the people we love and our own ability to love others can inspire us to be better people and to be brave.

Their immediate response to Merlin's apparent death moreover is guilty, they have nothing to feel guilty about, it's Uther's fault, but they blame themselves anyway. There is in that a contrast to Uther, who refuses to blame himself. They don't take their pain out in anger, they accept it and even though they have nothing to be guilty for the fact that their immediate response is guilt does say they are better people, braver people than Uther.

Other things

Morgana holding that butter knife ready to fight Bayard's men is the funniest thing ever. Like its an impressive butter knife, but it is still so clearly a butter knife.

Also so many bad guys plans in this show rely on Arthur or Merlin being fundamentally good people, like when your plan involves using people's goodness against them you need to re-evaluate your choices in life. I suppose its part of the point though- that they are willing to harm the innocent or take advantage of goodness in their anger. Uther punishes goodness in this episode.

My new motivational quote—> Gaius: "As the Old proverb says: Hard work breeds..........a harder soul." Merlin: "There is no way that's a proverb. You just made that up."

#merlin analysis #the adventures of merlin #bbc merlin #merlin #merlin bbc #arthurian retelling #arthur pendragon #arthur's character #merthur #morgana pendragon #gwen pendragon #bbc gwen #guinevere pendragon #bbc gaius #uther pendragon #analysis #character study #courage #nimueh #love and hate #friendship

[mca-attack21]

The Beginning of Something -P2

Do I really need to write anything here? Okay, so this is the second part of my reader insert series that is rewriting the ending of BBC’s Merlin (based on 5x9).  That being said, get ready for the rollercoaster of emotions that is Merlin. Also, you can find more of my writing: Here.

The next day, against Merlin and Gaius’ better judgment, you started as Gwen’s handmaid. During the night, Merlin had proven to Arthur, that Gwen was enchanted by Morgana. Merlin filled you in and asked you to keep an eye on Gwen and try to keep her distracted.

Tiana Giaga. That is the ritual that was able to break the soul to the point that a person fell prey to the desires of whoever cast it. That meant it would be nearly impossible to restore Gwen. It was after you were dismissed that night that you found Merlin distractedly reading as he was headed from the library to his chambers. 

“Find anything interesting?” you asked curiously, managing to spook Merlin in the process. 

“Oh, hello Y/n, I was just doing some research. How was your first day?”

“Uneventful, which is good all things considered,” you said glancing at the book Merlin had been reading so intently, “Have you figured anything out concerning Gwen’s status?” 

“Nothing good, I’m afraid,” he glanced around to make sure their were no unwanted ears near, “She was affected by something called the Tiana Giaga, and Gaius doesn’t think there is a cure,” seeing the way you tensed up at the mention of Tiana Giaga he asked, “Have you heard of it?”

“Unfortunately, I have,” you replied softly as unwanted images were brought to memory. 

“Do you know how we can save Gwen?”

“Merlin, this is dark magic, from what you have told me it is beyond anything you have seen before. No one has ever been brought back from this ritual without one of the high priestesses themselves being involved.”

“But there is a way to do it? How?” Merlin asked a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“You would have to go to the Cauldron of Arianrhod, Gwen would have to willingly enter the water, and then the white goddess must be summoned, but is not a task to be underestimated.”

“Wow, that’s a lot to take in. It seems impossible,” Merlin frowned.

“Not impossible, just not something you can do alone,” you tried to reassure him.

“I have to go talk to Gaius, thank you so much Y/n,” Merlin said before turning back towards his chambers.

“You’re welcome,” you called after him.

He discussed this new information with Gaius and together they formulated a plan. One that involved both you and Arthur. It was soon thereafter that Merlin snuck into Arthur and Gwen’s shared chambers and woke Arthur to inform him of the plan. Arthur was extremely hesitant, as there was much that could go wrong and it was Gwen’s life that was at stake. Furthermore, Arthur was against having you involved at all, however, Merlin was eventually able to convince him. Merlin went to you and explained everything that was going on, together the two of you prepared everything that you would need for the impending departure.

The next morning at the break of dawn, you and Merlin slipped Gwen a few drops of the potion Gaius had created to keep her unconscious. Arthur was getting the horses and supplies. You and Merlin brought Gwen out to meet him, careful not to be seen.

“Y/n, I want to personally thank you for helping us with this endeavor, Merlin assures me that there is no one he trusts more. I will not forget this and hope one day to repay you,” Arthur spoke as he took Gwen from the two of you and placed her on his horse. 

“It is an honor to be of assistance, your highness,” you answered. 

“Please, there are no need for formalities here, call me Arthur,” he replied. 

“We really need to be off,” Merlin reminded as he loaded the last of the supplies.

“Of course,” you agreed, mounting your horse. 

The three of you rode well into the day, Arthur took the opportunity to get to know you better. Merlin was glad to see the two of you hit it off so well, despite the circumstances. He could already tell that you and Arthur were going to be great friends. It was as you reached the mountains that both you and Merlin sensed something. You were being watched.

“What’s wrong Merlin you look like you’ve seen a dragon?” Arthur joked. 

“We are not alone out here,” Merlin answered solemnly. 

“One of your funny feelings then?” Arthur asked. Merlin nodded and Arthur sighed, “All right then, we tether the horses and go off the path on foot.”

 You did as Arthur said. 

“What about the supplies?” Merlin asked.

“You’ll manage,” Arthur decided. 

“What about you?”

“I’ll be carrying Gwenuivere.”

“Oh come one, she is half the weight of this lot.”

“Merlin, what are you suggesting?”

“I’ll take Gwenuivere, you get the supplies.”

“She’s my wife!”

“I’d be careful,” Merlin explained. 

“And, you are the servant,” Arthur reminded. 

“Besides, I am here to help you Merlin,” you added with a grin before taking half of the supplies. 

“Y/n you really don’t have to-” Merlin started.

“Nonesense, I didn’t come out here sit idle and look pretty. Now come on,”  you said before marching forward past both him and Arthur, who both looked after you slightly dumbfounded.

Arthur and Merlin were talking somewhat behind you, and as Arthur was distracted you took the opportunity to use your magic. First, you used a spell to lighten both your and Merlin’s loads. Second, you used your powers to see the path ahead, which was seemingly clear. It was as you finished that you felt a jolt in your chest which was immediately followed by Arthur shouting for Merlin. You turned around to see that he was laying at the bottom of the dropoff.

Without hesitation, Arthur gently set Gwen on the ground, “Stay here and protect her, I’m going down to make sure he is alright.”

“Of course Arthur,” you agreed.

However, it was as Arthur was climbing down the siding that the rocks began to fall. You were too far away to stop them, but quickly made your way down to help. 

“Arthur? Are you alright?” you asked as you went to his side.

“My arm, it’s pinned,” he breathed sharply before remembering, “Check on Merlin.” 

 “He is unconscious, but no signs of injury.” 

You returned to Arthur’s side. Upon further inspection, you realized that the rock was far too heavy for you to move without magic, so you would have to do this the old fashioned way. You found a decent-sized rock and positioned it beside Arthur. 

“Hand me your sword, I am going to wedge this under the rock and use it to lift it up, when I do I need you to pull your arm out quickly and roll out of the way as this boulder will land where you are currently laying, understand?” you asked, preparing yourself. 

“Yes,” Arthur nodded. 

“Okay, 1...2...3” you counted before using your strength to shift the boulder, holding it just long enough for Arthur to clear the spot he was laying. 

“How did you learn to do that?” Arthur asked, relief evident in his features.

“Need I remind you again that I am more than just a pretty face,” you replied smiling and rolling your eyes before refocusing on Merlin. You went over to him and retrieved the drought and handed it to Arthur, “Go up and give Gwen her next dose, make sure no harm comes to her. I will wake up Merlin.”

“Y/n, I am the king, I give the orders.”

“I am sorry,” you replied eyes going wide, “What would you have us do?”

“Calm down Y/n, I was merely jesting,” Arthur replied at seeing your change in expressions. He then took the vile and headed up, being more careful of his footing this time.

As soon as he was out of earshot, you used your powers to heal Merlin. 

“What happened?” Merlin asked shooting up and immediately looking to make sure Arthur was safe. 

“If I had to guess, Morgana has discovered our plans and is attempting to foil them,” you replied and then added, “Arthur is with Gwen, both are safe, but we really need to try to make it farther before nightfall. Are you alright now?”

“Yes, thanks to you.”

“You can thank me later, now let’s go.”

Merlin climbed up first, and then turned to help you.

“Ah, Merlin, did you enjoy your nap?” Arthur quipped. 

“Not as well as I would have liked, I am afraid rocks do not make good pillows Sire,” Merlin returned.

“Here Arthur, take a moment to eat and drink, as we should try not to break again until nightfall,” you said handing the king the water and some food.

 “You better watch it Merlin, Y/n is well on her way to replace you,” Arthur added as he took what you were handing him.

Merlin was going to reply but was cut off as you came over, “And for you Merlin, best to keep your strength up.”  He was caught off guard, and could not manage to hide his blush before fumbling through a thank you. 

After that break, you all continued on until it was time to make camp for the night. You helped Merlin collect and prepare a fire as Arthur administered Gwen’s next treatment. You prepared dinner as Merlin and Arthur went over the plan again. As soon as you had eaten, Arthur had told you and Merlin to get some sleep as he offered to take the first watch.

It was hours later when you awoke to see Arthur staring sadly at his queen.

“She will be alright,” you reassured.

“How can you be so certain? What if the sorcerer doesn’t agree to help us?  What if we can’t get Gwen to enter the water?”

“I am certain because I believe in you, Arthur. I have only just met you and I would lay my life down for you and your causes. The sorcerer will help because it is you who is asking. And your and Gwen’s love is something no magic could ever destroy, it is that love which will guide her into the water, and that love that will save her,” you answered.

Arthur was slightly taken aback by the sincerity of your reply. He was searching for the words to return, but you beat him to it, “Now, hand me your sword and get some rest. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”

Normally, Arthur would have refused you, but somehow he knew that you were right and that he could trust you. There was an oddly safe feeling that you brought him and he was learning not to question it. 

Just after sunrise, he awoke to find that you had already prepared breakfast and packed up the site. He looked over to Merlin who was snoring and rolled his eyes. 

Upon hearing him stir you smiled, “I was just about to wake you, I administered the drought to the Queen, and prepared everything, after breakfast we will be ready to leave at your command.” 

“Right, very well, we should eat then. Merlin,” he called.

“Five more minutes,” Merlin mumbled. 

Arthur then took the liberty of using some of his water to wake Merlin properly which earned your laughter and a very offended look from your favorite warlock. After he recovered, you handed him his food and began to eat your own. It wasn’t long before you began your journey for the day. 

All was going well until a white dragon appeared and tried to take you out. Merlin pulled you and Arthur away. 

“Okay then, you take Gwen to the water just beyond that ridge, and I will distract the Dragon,” Merlin spoke. 

“Are you mad?” Arthur asked.

“No, just overly aware of the fact that Gwen is bound to wake up anytime now and we have used the last of the drought,” Merlion replied. 

“Go, Arthur, I will make sure he is okay,” you spoke. 

Again, Arthur didn’t know why, but he knew that he could trust you to do so. He worked up his strength and lifted Gwen, carrying her where Merlin had instructed. Meanwhile, Merlin worked his way to where Aithusa was circling around. He used his Dragon Lord tongue to send her away. You stayed in your hiding spot and watched in awe. Merlin turned back around and started back toward you when Morgana appeared.

She used her powers to knock Merlin backward and hold him down. She was walking towards him, prepared to end him once and for all when you used your powers to knock her out. You rushed forward to Merlin, making sure he was okay before helping him up. The two of you ventured towards Arthur, all to aware of the limitations of time.

“We need to hurry, Morgana is here and will not remain unconscious for long,” Merlin informed Arthur. 

“Okay, so where is this sorceress?” Arthur asked looking around.

“I don’t know Arthur, it’s not like she is going to sit around here all day just waiting for you to show up,” Merlin replied, setting all of his packs down before grabbing his costume. 

“I’ll look this way, you look that way,” you instructed Merlin.

“I don’t like the idea of all of us splitting up like this,” Arthur spoke. 

“It’ll be fine, we’ll each walk 60 paces, if we don't find her then we will turn back. At that distance you’ll be able to hear if we meet any trouble. Besides, Merlin is right, we are running dangerously low on time here.” 

Arthur hesitantly agreed and you went a few paces out of sight and met up with Merlin who used the spell to change himself into an old woman and put on the dress he had packed. You tried very hard to contain your laughter, however, there was no doing so once you heard him speak. 

“Really Y/n? You would laugh at me at a time like this?” 

“I’m sorry, but if you could see yourself you’d be laughing too.”

“Let’s go,” he said begrudgingly.

The two of you emerged from the wooded area and it was clear that Arthur was on edge.

“It’s okay your highness, I explained the situation and she is eager to help,” you assured.

“You are the Dolma?” he asked.

“Who else would I be?’ Merlin sassed.

“Yes. Of course. What do you need me to do?”

“Take your queen and set her by the pool.”

Arthur did as asked and waited as the Dolma scanned Gwen before speaking, “The magic which has ensnared you queen is powerful and dark. It can be broken, but it can also prevail, do you understand that?”

“I do.”

“When I awake her, she must walk into the cauldron of her own will. Everything inside her will fight against it, you must find a connection stronger than the evil Morgana has bestowed upon her. You have to reach the part of your queen which has gone untouched by Morgana.”

Arthur nodded in understanding, and the Dolma uttered the enchantment and Arthur bent down beside Gwen as she woke.  She shot up immediately, “Where am I? What have you done to me?”

“Gwenuiver, my Gwenevier,” Arthur tried as he grabbed her so she couldn’t dart off. 

“Your Gweniuver? You stupid man, I was never yours,” Gwen denied.

“You must reach her Arthur reach out to all that is lost,” Merlin reminded

“You loved me once,” Arthur tried.

“You are easily fooled,” Gwen replied

“You still do.”

“It was a charade, nothing more. Just a means of subterfuge to pass Camelot to its rightful queen.”

You could tell that Arthur was getting desperate as he began to use force to bring her to the water before the Dolma reminded him that it wouldn’t work. 

“Find a memory Arthur, something powerful and full of love. Something that Gwen can hold onto,” you instructed. 

Arthur didn’t even have to consider it before saying, “Do you remember when I asked you to marry me? Do you remember what you said? You said ‘with all my heart’. That’s not trickery or subterfuge,” he started and then he saw it, Gwen’s face softened.

“With all my heart,” he repeated letting go and slowly backing towards the water. 

“With all my heart,” she muttered.

“Come on Gwenuiver, come back to me.”

And then she trudged out to meet him in the water. The Dolma started to use the spell and a white light took over Gwen. As it faded she looked over to Arthur and with tears in her eyes waded over and collided with him with enough force to nearly dunk him under the water. You sent Merlin a smile. He did it, and you were so proud to have witnessed it.

After a moment, Arthur and Gwen remembered that they were not alone, and came back onto the shore. 

“We owe you a great debt, if there is ever anything I can do for you,” Arthur spoke to the sorceress. 

“There is only one thing I desire.” 

“Name it.”

“Remember what it was that saved you queen today. For there is no evil in sorcery, but only in the hearts of men. My request is that you remember this.”

“You have my word,” Arthur replied and looked over to you, “we should get going to avoid Morgana.”

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” you asked.

Arthur looked down to check that he had his sword and looked over to Gwen to see if he was missing something, “I don’t think so?”

“Maybe a certain, neckerchief wearing servant?” you replied.

“Ah, I thought this had gone unusually, smoothly.”

“I will go find him and send him your way, I know these paths well, he couldn’t have gone far,” the Dolma spoke.

So the three of you started back, and Merlin soon joined you.

“Merlin!” Gwen smiled bringing him into a warm hug. 

“Nice to have you back my queen,” he replied grinning.

The trip back to Camelot was light-hearted, Gwen was even more welcoming to you than Arthur had been. As you worked with Merlin to make camp for the group you took every opportunity to make sure that he was doing alright. You understood, maybe more than he did, that he was supposed to be the greatest sorcerer to ever walk the earth, but even then… Besides anything that helped distract you from the fact that you were still shaken from your encounter with Morgana was welcomed. 

“Y/n? Are you good?” Merlin spoke pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Yeah, sorry I zoned out for a minute.”

“Thanks again for coming with us today, I don’t want to think about where we would be if you hadn’t.”

“I am confident that you would have figured it out. It’s not like this is your first rodeo.”

“Yeah, I guess, it just all feels different now. Like everything I do is so big like on a fate of Camelot level and no one even knows.”

“I understand, more than you know, and I can assure you that you will not have to face it alone. Not anymore,” you were going to continue talking, but Arthur was calling after the two of you saying that he’d managed to find some rabbits.

That night after everyone else was asleep you allowed your mind to once again drift to Morgana. You wondered if she had seen you before you managed to knock her out. Would she start targeting you again? Would that put Merlin in more danger? You wondered if the prophecies could really be true, protecting Merlin was pretty straight forward, but the rest of it, the part about rewriting destiny and turning the end into the beginning, that you had no clue about. Merlin was right earlier though, everything was starting to feel more drastic and you were not a fan of it.  

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