gloves
I didn't want to write up a long explanation since its kind of obvious and straightforward like it basically happened just like this
but I did want to say that my dad's doing his best. I didn't draw this as like an indictment of his stubborn character or to paint him as transphobic or something. I know he's trying and hes old, so it'll take him a while to get used to me having transitioned. I get frustrated with him and do want to be mad at him sometimes when I get misgendered especially in public but he doesn't do it maliciously.
I can tell hes scared of a lot of things that come with getting to his age; it takes a serious effort to get him to the hospital sometimes and he ended up with pneumonia a few months back. hes seen his mother in law die to dementia and told me several times if his mind starts to go, drive him out to the woods to let him wander then leave. so I can't imagine whats going on in his head with all that worry when the person who basically looked just like him for 20 years suddenly... doesn't
I won't ever be able to properly portray it, but the look on his face when we compared hands was a little heartbreaking, for a split second I knew he didn't see his son anymore but it was someone he doesn't immediately know as his daughter.
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I love how bad Astarion is with his cover story. You meet him and he's like "I'm a magistrate" then he stealths, disarms a trap, double dashes and backstabs a goblin all while giggling about spilling blood and you're just like hm yeah that's the legal system for you
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The thing about spoilers is, I don’t actually think they spoil things for me. That momentary feeling of surprise when the big reveal happens is fun, sure, and I like trying to figure out a mystery on my own.
But I also just really love foreshadowing? Knowing what’s coming up lets me look for all the signs that the creator is laying out for me. It’s a different kind of puzzle, and one that I get just as much satisfaction out of, if not more.
If I enjoy a story, I’ll still enjoy it even if I know how it ends. The most lasting stories we have, as humans, have been spoiled for all of us before we even hear them. Famous tales become a shorthand that we use in every day life. Learning the story of the Trojan Horse actually became more interesting as a result of understanding the phrase first.
There was a time in my life when I didn’t understand people who would flip to the back of a book to read the last page before they started the story, but I think I get it now. There’s a comfort in knowing how things end and an enjoyment in taking the journey regardless.
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I’m Bored and Anxious So I Slapped Together a List of Fan Fic Writer Asks
1. Share a song that makes you think of [fic title]
2. Do you read/reread your own fics?
3. What's your favorite fic that you've written?
4. How many WIPs do you have right now?
5. What's a fic idea you've had that you will never write?
6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?
7. How many ideas for fics do you have right now?
8. What project(s) are you currently working on?
9. Do you write every day? If you wrote today, share a sentence of what you’ve written!
10. Is there a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?
11. Do you have specific playlists for writing fics?
12. Do you have a playlist for your current WIP(s)? Share it!
13. How much planning do you do before writing?
14. If you could see one of your fics adapted into a visual medium, such as comic or film, which fan fic would you pick?
15. How do you come up with titles for your fics/chapters?
16. At what point in the process do you come up with titles?
17. What's something you've learned about while doing research for a fic?
18. What's one of your favorite lines you've written in a fic?
19. Give us a small teaser from one of your WIPs.
20. What's a favorite title for a fic you've written?
21. Have you ever deleted an entire scene after spending hours laboring over it? If so, why?
22. Do you know how your fic will end before you start writing?
23. How do you choose where to end a chapter (if you have multi-chapter works)?
24. Share a moodboard for (one of) your current WIP(s).
25. Have you ever upset yourself with your own writing?
26. Is there something you've written that you would never want your family to see?
27. Is there a fic you were nervous to post/share? Why?
28. Have you ever tagged a fic “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat”?
29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)
30. Ask anything!
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before you know about women, you hear that you do not need to love the man, just that you need to love him through his manhood. which is to say you have seen the future painted in lamb's blood over your eyes - how your mother shoots you a look about your father's inability to cook right. how your aunt holds her wineglass and says i'm gonna kill em. men, right! how your best friend bickers with her boyfriend, how she says i can't help it. i come back to him.
you learn: men are gonna cheat. men aren't going to listen when you're talking, because you're nagging. men think emotions are stupid. they think your life is vapid and your hobbies are embarrassing. men will slam things, but that's because men are allowed to be angry. if you get loud, you're hysterical. if a man gets loud - well, men are animals, men are dogs, men can't control their hands or their eyes or their bodies. they're going to make a snide comment about you in the locker room, about your body, about how you're so fucking annoying. you're going to give him kids, and he will give you the money for the kids, and you're going to be running the house 24/7 - but he gets to relax after a long day, because his job is stressful. the man is on stage, and is a comedian, and says "women!"
and you are supposed to love that. you are supposed to love men through how horrible they are to you - because that's what women do. that's what good women do. wife material. your father even told you once - it'll make sense when you're older. it was like staring down a very lonely tunnel.
it feels like something's caught in your throat, but it's all you know, so. it's okay that you see sex as a necessary tool, a sort of okay-enough ritual to keep him happy, even though he doesn't seem to care about happiness as-applied-to you. it is relationship upkeep. it is kissing him and smiling even though he didn't brush his teeth. it is getting on your knees and looking up and holding back a sigh because he barely holds you as you panic through the night. it's not like the sex is bad and you do like feeling wanted. and besides! he's a man! like... they're another species. you'll never be able to actually communicate, right. he isn't listening.
you just don't get it. you don't feel that sense of i'm gonna climb him like a tree. mostly it just feels fucking exhausting. you play the part perfectly. you smile and nod and are "effortlessly" charming. and it's fine! it's alright! you even love him, if you're looking. you could have good life, and a good family, and perfectly happy.
in the late night you google: am i broken. you google i'm not attracted to my husband. you google i get turned on by books but not by him. you google how to get better in bed.
the first time he yells at you, it almost feels like blankness. like - of course this is happening. this is always how it was going to end up. men get angry, and they yell, and you sit there in silence.
you mention it to your friend - just the once - while you're drunk. she shrugs and says it's like that with me too, i just try to forget and move on. men are always gonna hear what they want to. pick your battles and say sorry even though he's in the wrong. you play solitaire online for a month. you go to your therapist appointment and preach about how you're both so in love.
after all, you have a future to want. nobody lied about it - how many instagram posts say marriage is hard. say real love takes work. say we fight like cats and dogs but the best part is that we always make up. how many of your friends say happy anniversary to the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. if you really loved him - loved yourself too - you'd accept that men are just different from you.
the first time she kisses you, it's on a dare at a party. something large and terrifying whips through your body. you wake up sweating from dreams where her mouth is encrusted with pearls and you pick them off one by one with your teeth. fuck. you sit at the computer and your almost-finished game of sim city. you think about your potential perfect life and your potential future family. you google am i gay quiz with your little hands shaking.
you delete each letter slowly. you don't need to love him. you just need to keep going.
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