#I hate how I start to project on Chris for fucks sake

[be-side-my-self]

Anyway, we figured it out.

Chris used to be a Boy Scout, probably even an Eagle Scout.

Fucking Nerd. Nerd Scout. Scout Nerd.

#The Quarry #The Quarry game #be prepared #because #what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger #With the hiveminds help and some magic #Headcanon #Canon #Chris is or was an eagle scout #I hate how I start to project on Chris for fucks sake #golden child #Middle Child #Trying to be the good one #the potential to be a real asshole if not kept in check by yourself #also been a scout/guide since I was seven #supermassive games

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Evolutionary War

1988

Oh, shit. Evolutionary War.

So at some point. Uh, at this point. Marvel decided to try a new thing to make their annuals more exciting.

The idea was that all the annuals would tell one story, one big story. Basically a company wide crossover without crossing over. A story so big that it would touch every hero or team that had an annual, even if they didn’t interact with the other heroes/teams.

So we get Evolutionary War.

The High Evolutionary has been around since the 60s. Mostly he just wants to make furries in peace. And you know what? Power to him. He’d have loved the internet.

Then he wanted to make a copy of Earth except no superheroes and also Adam Warlock was around as a Jesus allegory.

Uh, power to him?

I dunno. I liked the Evolutionary’s earlier stuff better. His later stuff gets weird. And he keeps being involved with Wanda and Pietro Maximoff but changing his mind on how involved he is.

At some point, the Beyonders steal his pet project Counter-Earth and put it in a museum and that just depressed the High Evolutionary so much that he turned into goo.

We’ve all been there.

But now he’s back with a new project. And since its called Evolutionary War, I imagine its not consumer friendly.

Consider instead making an Evolutionary Thermos.

Anyway. There are eleven annuals in this event. For books I don’t cover and have no desire to deep dive into for the sake of this post.

If I were to cover every annual in full, this event would take more of my time than Secret Wars did. But also, if I just cover the Avengers related stuff, that’s most of the story I’m leaving out.

So I’ll cover the West Coast and East Coast Avengers Annuals as I would normally. And I’ll cover in brief the relevant parts of the other annuals.

And I used the cover for Avengers Annual #17 because I’ve seen it used as the iconic image of Evolutionary War. And for a reason. Its the best cover of the bunch. Fight me.

We start our war with

X-Factor Annual #3: UNNATURAL SELECTION

In brief, X-Factor was a reunion book of the original five X-Men. It required bringing Jean Grey back to life which made Chris Claremont a bit sore. Also, since there was already X-Men and New Mutants, X-Factor distinguished itself by having a stupid premise.

The original five X-Men pretended to be a group called the X-Terminators who were mutant hunters. But really, they were a team called X-Factor and saved the mutants they were pretending to hunt. What does the factor stand for? Fuck you is what. X team names don’t have to make sense. Go to your room.

The premise of the comic was so stupid, X-Factor eventually realized that mutant hating business manager Cameron Hodge had made it up to worsen human-mutant relations.

X-Terminators itself later spun out into a new book because spinning out into new books is what X-books are best at. Did the new X-Terminators x-terminate people? I dunno. They were mostly kids and young adults so one hopes not.

Anyway, enough delay.

We’re past the fake mutant hunters thing and into the public mutant heroes. X-Factor thwarted an attack by Apocalypse and jacked his ride so now the fickle public loves them.

While rebuilding the Empire State Building from the attack, Jean Grey Marvel Girl (why not Marvel Woman, Jean?) senses a psychic scream FROM DEEP IN THE EARTH.

(In addition to Jean hearing it, several other psychically sensitive characters do. Mostly X-characters and also Franklin Richards but Dr Druid is also in the lineup. Which meas this is in the period before he falls into a time hole. So once again Dr Druid is here for some reason.)

The scream came from the Moloid caverns.

A group of armored men called the Purifiers are attacking the Moloids and Tryannoids. They’ve been ordered by their master (the High Evolutionary, ‘natch) not to use more violence than is necessary. But he’s still ordering a genocide because the Purifiers are using sterilizing rays and sterilizing baths to try to prevent the Moloids from reproducing any further.

Eugenics!

Dammit, the High Evolutionary! Go back to making furries!

X-Factor makes their way down to the caverns and winds up first fighting the Moloids as they don’t trust any strangers right now but then making peace with their leader, a mutant Moloid later called Val-Or. He can psychically direct the otherwise pretty passive Moloids. X-Factor helps him fight against the Purifiers when they swing back around.

Apocalypse also detected the scream but figures out that the High Evolutionary is behind everything and goes up to his space station to pay him a visit/beating/philosophical debate.

While both Apocalypse and the High Evolutionary claim to be working towards encouraging the evolution of humanity into something greater, they differ heavily on methods and timescale.

Apocalypse has been “guiding” humanity for thousands of years. Causing war and strife to encourage humanity grows strong.

Apocalypse: “You, superbly intelligent as you are, immortal as you are, powerful as you are... have existed for a mere instant of humanity’s past. I am as old as man... and time has taught me patience. You have that to learn.”

He considers the High Evolutionary’s plans to sterilize those he deems genetically unfit to be unnatural selection. HEY, TITLE DROP.

The High Evolutionary argues: “In less than a single lifetime, I have devolved to less than animal... and evolved to become like unto a god. I have seen where humanity is going... and on its own... it will advance... and then it will stop, as I have stopped. In controlling humanity’s destiny, I offer it a chance to become more than it can be.. by giving it a... boost.”

Apocalypse deduces that for some reason, the High Evolutionary is rushing towards his goals. He chalks it up to the impatience of youth. Because Apocalypse is super old. He would say that.

But he teleports the High Evolutionary to the Moloid caverns and shows him the Moloids and X-Factor vs the Purifiers.

For all that the Evolutionary judged the Moloids an evolutionary dead end, incapable of changing, too passive and pliant, Val-Or is something he would have overlooked in his haste.

The High Evolutionary tries to dismiss Val-Or as an animal lashing out instinctively but he has to concede the point when Apocalypse claims that the strife the Purifiers brought hastened Val-Or’s growth.

With his Purifiers being overwhelmed by the Moloids and X-Factor, the High Evolutionary teleports them to safety to continue his plans elsewhere.

The High Evolutionary: “The plan isn’t over. In fact... it has barely begun! And soon... soon... the entire Earth will feel the shaping hand of the High Evolutionary.”

So at the end of the first part of this Evolutionary War, we know that the High Evolutionary is in some kind of hurry. That he’s using Purifier troops to sterilize groups he doesn’t feel have evolutionary potential. And that he’s making some bad judgements.

Next,

Punisher Annual #1: EVOLUTIONARY JIHAD

Wait, Punisher in involved?

Geez, I think that shows one of the flaws of the tell one story with all the annuals approach. Evolutionary War does not seem like something that would impact Punisher a lot.

I guess I’ll see as I dig in.

The Punisher’s status quo is that he’s the Punisher. He shoots criminals to death with guns.

You don’t need to know a lot to know the Punisher.

Anyway, in this annual, he’s tracking down El Caiman, a drug kingpin in Bogota.

He absolutely did not expect to be attacked by a heavily armored man. His machine gun fire just bounces off the armor but Punisher is able to knock the armored goon over with a grenade and interrogate him.

The man claims that Punisher is on a list.

Eliminator: “We’re headed for the ultimate goal of human aspiration! And to get there, we have to weed out the junkies and the crazies, and you’re both!”

Huh, okay. So the Purifiers to sterilize populations the High Evolutionary deems dead ends. And the Eliminators to get rid of individuals within viable populations who would hamper the Evolutionary’s goals.

Sure.

More of the Eliminators show up and Punisher decides he’s not armed enough for this. He happened to save a girl in the firefight and she takes him to her dad... El Caiman.

They’re both being targeted so decide to make an alliance until the Eliminators are taken care of.

Punisher and El Caiman retreat to his drug farm where he has better weapons.

There’s a lot of Punisher shooting things and blowing up things and shooting other things but he gets to the last Eliminator.

The Last Eliminator: “The High Evolutionary! He will lead the human race to the next great plateau of achievement! But first we must eliminate all drugs and other genetic pollutants -- as well as anyone who stands in our way!”

Anyway, Punisher kills that guy too.

And El Caiman too when the drug lord decides to try to kill Frank before Frank can kill him. Then Punisher takes the drug lord’s daughter and begins looking for a way out of the jungle.

A very Punisher story. With a bit of tying into the big event.

Hm. You know, the High Evolutionary doesn’t seem short on finding people to hire that are big into eugenics. With a lot of supervillain mooks, you have to figure that the pay or benefits are worth getting punched by Captain America or whatever. But all the High Evolutionary’s men seemingly follow his ideals or just love having an excuse to kill people.

Next,

Silver Surfer Annual #1: ADAM

Silver Surfer context! He was finally released from his long imprisonment on Earth after doing Galactus a solid. Since then, he’s been having a lot of space adventures involving the Elders of the Universe trying to kill Galactus out of jealousy of him being older and also the Skrull/Kree War heating up again.

How could Evolutionary War have anything to do with him when he’s in space?

Well, Mantis was traveling around with him but she died. She didn’t really because she was telecommuting from Earth by making a body out of plants. But Silver Surfer thinks she died so he’s coming to Earth to find her son, the supposed Celestial Messiah.

Okay but what does Silver Surfer have to do with the Super-Skrull? Or the Eternals?

Well.

The High Evolutionary pops into the Eternal city of Olympia and claims that he’s a lot like the Celestials because they all like fucking with evolution and anyway, now that he’s buddies with the Eternals, do you mind doing him a favor and mapping the Silver Surfer’s DNA for the good of all mankind?

I assume because the Eternals had committed to trying to improve humanity in the Eternals book, they agree.

When the Silver Surfer arrived on Earth, the Super-Skrull popped into existence due to stuff that had earlier happened in Surfer’s book. The Super-Skrull is a fighty bastard so he starts fighting Silver Surfer but then both get caught by the Eternals.

They ask the Silver Surfer if he’ll voluntarily let his DNA be mapped but he has a big

to say to that.

So they just decide to force him. And fuck it. The High Evolutionary didn’t ask them to DNA scan the Super-Skrull but might as well do him too.

Super-Skrull learns that all Skrulls have lost their shape-shifting and that the Skrull empire has broken up into squabbling factions AND that the Skrull/Kree War is heating up again and feels despair. But Silver Surfer convinces him that they can work together to escape the DNA scan so that Super-Skrull can go back to his people because he still has his shapeshifting and maybe that can be used to fix everyone else’s.

They break free, there’s a fight scene, and Silver Surfer helps Super-Skrull escape by holding back the Eternals.

Then he convinces the Eternals to leave him the fuck alone and flies off to investigate what the hell the High Evolutionary is up to.

We don’t learn much more about that ourselves. The High Evolutionary claims that he’s studied all the peoples on Earth (humans, Eternal, deviants) but that he wants to study humanoids too. But makes it specifically about the Silver Surfer.

Does he want the Evolutionary War to make it so all humans possess the Power Cosmic? Who can say at this point.

Moving along.

New Mutants Annual #4: MIND GAMES

The New Mutants!

They are Mutants who are newer than the old mutants but not to be confused with the New X-Men who were newer than the original X-Men.

While the New Mutants studied and trained at Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, their teacher was Magneto. Sort of the grand result of Claremont’s redemption arc of Magneto, where he took over for Xavier when Xavier had to go to space and be with his space girlfriend. At least until editorial pressure had Magneto turn supervillian again. But we’re not there yet! Although we’re nearly there because it happens after Inferno!

(Well it was editorial pressure and also the fact that the New Mutants were lemmings who were mad Magneto wouldn’t let them endanger themselves so snuck out under his nose and endangered themselves, and got mad at Magneto when they died of it. The New Mutants drove him back to supervillainy. Its quite sad.)

BUT WE’RE BEFORE THAT!

In this issue, the New Mutants sneak out under his nose and endanger themselves after he directly tells them not to, that he’ll handle the situation.

Anyway, we’re introduced to a new part of the High Evolutionary’s weird, evolution-based plan.

A group of his Purifiers are focused not on sterilizing Moloids but on the removal of dangerous mutant powers.

The High Evolutionary: “Those powers that will endanger the survival of the human race must be removed... if my great plan for humanity’s advancement is to succeed.”

The Purifiers track down and capture a pair of mutants named Glow Worm and Bulk because they’re highly radioactive and that just won’t do.

The High Evolutionary hopes that they survive the depowering process but he’s not going to not have it done. And indeed, removing their powers doesn’t remove the radiation they already have. So now they’re dying of radiation.

One of the Purifiers points out that this is a much worse death than just shooting them would have been. WHICH HE’S FINE WITH. He just wanted to point it out. But the High Evolutionary avoids killing wantonly. Supposedly.

Depowering dangerous mutants becomes the New Mutant’s problems when the Purifiers capture their ex-teammate Amara Aquilla aka Magma from Nova Roma (a secret roman colony in the Amazon unless its not. It goes back and forth.)

Magma’s powers to cause earthquakes and volcanoes and inability to control it perfectly bring her to the Purifiers attention.

The Hellfire Club and Magneto plan to go handle it but the New Mutants decide pssh those adults aren’t shit. Lets go endanger ourselves.

The New Mutants do save Magma from the depowering machine but then Moonstar gets thrown into the machine instead and almost dies but Glow Worm and Bulk turn the switch the other way and make Moonstar’s powers even more powerful instead.

The depowering machine gets smashed and Illyana winds up teleporting the entire group of Purifiers to very demon infested Limbo so the Purifiers won’t narc on them when Magneto and co show up late to the party.

The ones that the kids didn’t send to hell get teleported to safety by the High Evolutionary as he did in the X-Factor Annual.

And now,

Amazing Spider-Man Annual #22: DRUG WAR RAGES

Holy shit, Speedball was introduced in Evolutionary War?

Spider-Man annuals are always introducing new characters to try to give them a little boost out the door so its good to see that not even being roped into a big event will stop that.

Spider-Man is Spider-Man. If it helps, Peter and MJ are married. The Webs book of Peter’s Spider-Man photography comes out. Venom was only recently introduced. Spider-Man!

We actually have some influence from another annual in this event. The big linked story is actually acting like a linked story! Wild, I know.

Specifically, though, follow-up on the Punisher Annual. Between the Punisher and the High Evolutionary’s Eliminators, the supply of drugs from Bogota has been cut off, causing a drug war in New York.

Spider-Man beats up a warehouse full of drug dealers but when he leaves them webbed up, they’re sitting ducks for a rival gang and it looks like Spider-Man was involved in the murders.

But it wouldn’t be Evolutionary War if Spider-Man was just being impacted secondhand. The High Evolutionary’s Purifiers have also come to New York and are going around shooting drug dealers because the High Evolutionary’s goals still require saying no to drugs.

But that’s not all they’re up to. Under the High Evolutionary’s orders, the Purifiers in New York are planning Operation: Big Sleep. Where they’ll send out a sleepy signal from the Empire State Building and then sterilize anyone with “unacceptable DNA patterns” by morning.

Eugenics!

Speedball learns about this and is forced into action when the police assume his anonymous tip is malarky.

And Kingpin captures and interrogates a Purifier and has the information leaked to Spider-Man and Daredevil who are trying to clear Spider-Man’s name.

The Purifiers have nothing to do with the one drug gang wiping out the other one and inadvertently implicating Spider-Man. Kingpin just directed their attentions because he was annoyed that the Purifiers had killed some of his goons. But he does at least help clear Spider-Man’s name by forcing the actual killer to confess to the cops.

Mighty kind of Kingpin.

But that’s it! The Purifiers come to New York and Spider-Man and Daredevil beat them up for unrelated reasons!

One has to wonder if the High Evolutionary is pulling an Operation: Big Sleep on every city. Eugenics.

Fantastic Four Annual #21: Crystal Blue Persuasion!

Its Fantastic Four! Also, Inhumans! Also, Evolutionary War is squeezed in there somewhere.

So, the Fantastic Four isn’t quite in its usual status quo. Sue and Reed quit the team to pay more attention to Franklin. This won’t last long but it is the thought that counts.

Sharon Ventura, Ms Marvel, got exposed to cosmic rays and turned into a She-Thing and the Thing-Thing got exposed to more cosmic rays and turned into a pinecone. They’re dating and Ben is leading the team with Reed gone.

Johnny Storm Human Torch is married to Alicia Masters, who is unbeknownst to him actually a Skrull. There’s tension because Crystal Inhumans is the four in Fantastic Four and Johnny still has feelings for her.

Crystal is separated from her douchebag husband Quicksilver on account of him going all murdery but hasn’t been allowed to get a divorce because Inhuman society is pretty socially conservative.

So there’s a lot going on with the FF and the Evolutionary War is just another thing on the table that they don’t really notice because of everything else going on.

What happens is that Quicksilver has gone back to the Moon, depowered because of what happened in West Coast Avengers. He’s claimed he’s all sane now and that he was only evil because Maximus.

I have no idea if this is true or not but Quicksilver has a habit of claiming that whenever he pulls a dick move its because he’s being mind-controlled or identity thefted by a Skrull.

Since Quicksilver is a Good Boy again, the Inhuman Royal family come and try to kidnap Crystal and force her to get back together with her estranged husband. It becomes a big ol’ fight against the Fantastic Four.

But the Inhumans and Fantastic Four team up when Evolutionary War actually happens in this Evolutionary War tie-in.

The High Evolutionary brings a group of his Gatherers and Eliminators to the Moon and tasks them with obtaining a sample of the Terrigen Mist.

Instead of telling them to pull off a stealthy heist, he sends them to attack Attilan head-on and terrorize the populace.

I have no idea why when the High Evolutionary has had his people acting less blatantly before but that’s what is necessary to make this plot work.

Quicksilver leads the Inhuman militia in resistance and when the royal family and Fantastic Four show up, the tides turn and the armored men flee to the High Evolutionary who teleports them all away.

In the end, Crystal decides to stay on the Moon because Black Bolt writes the word family and because she has belatedly realized she’s making things difficult for Johnny.

There’s something involving some Watchers who know the High Evolutionary’s plans but being forbidden to comment on them when he asks for feedback or tell the Inhumans or Fantastic Four what is even going on.

Not much on the Evolutionary War side of things but Fantastic Four fans were probably relieved it didn’t much interrupt all the soap opera-y plot threads going on.

Moving right along.

X-Men Annual #12: Resurrection!

So, X-Men!

X-Men is complicated. We’re in the Australia-era. We’ve got a weird team and a weird situation. The X-Men died and then undied but let everyone think they were dead, especially their loved ones. They moved to Australia and took over a Reaver base (angry murder cyborgs that hate Wolverine specifically and mutants generally) and the old, Aborigine man that teleports them places but isn’t much for conversation.

The team is Storm, Wolverine, Rogue, Longshot, Dazzler, Colossus, Psylocke, Havok, and also Cyclops’ abandoned wife Madelyne Pryor who hangs around to be mission control.

Storm suddenly takes off to the Savage Land and the X-Men get Gateway to teleport them after her.

The X-Men discover that the vibrant, weird Savage Land and all the weird inhabitants are gone, scorched off the face of Antarctica. This happened in Avengers #257 and I thought it was a dumb plot decision.

The X-Men also find Terminus (despite the Avengers having killed him) fighting the High Evolutionary who had come to Antarctica to restore the Savage Land.

The X-Men bury Terminus in a landslide and then split up to investigate. Havok goes with the High Evolutionary, Psylocke and Rogue stay to psychically scan Terminus, and Longshot and then the rest trip into a hidden pocket dimension to discover that the Fall People are actually still alive.

Neat!

While Havok is given a tour of the High Evolutionary’s Savage Land HQ. When Havok is impressed by a flying vehicle, the Evolutionary explains a bit of what makes him tick.

High Evolutionary: “So was I, once. In those days, I tinkered with machines, tuning cars and bikes to their utmost peak of performance... and then putting them to the ultimate test. But no matter how good the vehicle... I was always limited by the body’s ability to control it. So it seemed a perfectly logical, natural step from the technological machine... to the biological one. To improve theo ne, I had to improve the other. How simple that equation seemed. How little I understood the consequences of such ambition. You see, with my mechanical experiments, mine was the only life at risk. Playing with life affects innocent lives. And too often, destroys them. Easy to tell yourself, the end justifies the means. Impossible to believe, though, when you look into the eyes of those who suffer as a result. Better to think, instead, of those who will benefit.”

The High Evolutionary also has the Savage Land mutates working for him so they also survived.

He explains to Havok that he has everything he needs to restore the Savage Land except “a living being -- preferably a mutant -- whose primal nature is in sync with the land’s.”

Terminus climbs out from under the rocks eventually and the X-Men and the Fall People attack. Rogue eventually borrows Longshot’s powers and blows a hole in Terminus to reveal Garokk, the Petrified Man.

They pry Garokk out and the Terminus armor crumbles.

The High Evolutionary reveals that the armor was controlling Garokk somehow and that the previous Terminus that destroyed the Savage Land was also a fake, suggesting that the real one will come back someday.

He does. I have no idea why people keep bringing Terminus back. He’s budget store Galactus. But he does come back. And Captain Universe!Spider-Man and Quasar yeeted him into space. Worth bringing him back for that??

Anyway, the High Evolutionary also announces that Garokk is the guy he can use to bring back the Savage Land and Garokk agrees to the sacrifice.

Hooray, Savage Land and its dinosaurs are back! At least one good thing came of Evolutionary War!

(Ka-Zar, Shanna the She-Devil, and their son immediately show up to claim to be in charge again. Damn, dudes.)

Wolverine also mutters that he senses that the High Evolutionary is up to no good but since he’s not doing anything dickish in this annual, Wolverine doesn’t start any beef.

Zaladane and the mutants seem to think that the Evolutionary War will end with them ruling the world. But the High Evolutionary is just using them and doesn’t like them very much.

Also, the X-Men mindwipe all the Fall People because they’re doing the thing where nobody can know they’re alive, not even people who live in the middle of Antarctica and especially not their own loved ones.

So, a more meaty entry in the Evolutionary War because the High Evolutionary actually shows up and accomplishes a thing he wants to accomplish. And we get some worldview.

Web of Spider-Man Annual #4: Sweet Poison!

Okay, I’m starting to see a problem with annual-based events. Sure, you can have different bits of the story for X-Men, X-Factor, and the New Mutants. Or East Coast and West Coast Avengers. They’re different teams so they can interact with different parts of the event.

But there’s three Spider-Man books so he’s really going to have three different parts in Evolutionary War?

Something similar happened with DC’s Armageddon 2001. Waverider kept returning to visit Superman and seeing a different alternate future every time. Which kind of undermined the whole point of the event but not more so than when DC changed the entire ending.

The Web of Spider-Man status quo? God, I don’t know. Why does Spider-Man need three books? That’s ridiculous. My guess is that he’s been Spider-Manning. Just Spider-Manning his little heart out!

There’s actually a lot going on here. Let me try to be brief about it.

WE’RE STILL IN THE DRUG SUBPLOT.

There may be more of this plot than any other part of Evolutionary War.

Peter Parker, Spider-Man is in Miami on a book tour to promote his WEBS photo book. But he can’t help but poke his nose in when he sees a drug dealer get beaten up by  people from the Slug’s gang because drug dealer Santo has drugs to sell despite the supply line being cut from Bogota.

Spider-Man saves him and then gets the location of his drug stockpile and evidence of a Latverian arms deal for some damn reason.

The High Evolutionary’s Purifiers are also in Miami and still on their usual shit and one of them sterilizes Santo because the High Evolutionary doesn’t want people who sell drugs to pass on their genes.

Eugenics.

These are nicer Purifiers than the ones in New York who were just murdering drug related criminals.

The High Evolutionary also sends some of the Purifiers to the Everglades to seal up the Nexus of All Realities. He’s worried about genetic pollutants leaking into the world from other realities.

Maybe he’s right to fret about that because a local woman, Cecilia Cardinale, is possessed by an alien named Ylandris who gives her the power to kill people by glaring at them. And she attacks the Purifiers in Miami and then flies out into the swamp to keep killing them.

The Slug’s men also go out into the swamp and try to get the drug stockpile and the Purifiers go out there to destroy the drugs and the gangsters and Spider-Man since he happened to be there.

The seal on the Nexus fails and Ylandris is able to flee home and Spider-Man webs up any of the gangsters or Purifiers that hadn’t killed each other or gotten killed by normal-sized Man-Thing.

So the Purifiers up to their old tricks still and the High Evolutionary trying to prevent cross-dimensional genetic contamination of whatever his end goal is.

Next, and finally some Essential Avengers in this Evolutionary War.

West Coast Avengers Annual #3: "Heads You Lose -- ! Tails You Win!”

Are you guys really bringing your divorce into this event? Geez, let it drop for like ten minutes.

Also, hi, Bill Foster. Hi, T’Challa.

Hi, Evolution the Living Planet?

Anyway, this is Avengers. We like the Avengers here. We usually like the Avengers here. It hasn’t been great lately. But Avengers is what we’re about. So this story actually gets covered in-depth.

Last time in West Coast Avengers: due to cowboy manslaughter and lying about cowboy manslaughter, Hawkeye and Mockingbird have split up. And caused the team to split up.

Mockingbird took Tigra and Moon Knight who both agreed that maybe murder is okay sometimes. They decided to go check out the South Pole due to a Master Pandemonium sighting. Wonder Man stayed with Hawkeye. Hank Pym quit for first wife reasons. And Scarlet Witch, Vision, and Mantis joined.

Last time in Evolutionary War: scroll up. C’mon.

So another wrinkle to the High Evolutionary’s big vague plan.

All the Gatherers and Purifiers and Eliminators? Are not people he hired who are really into eugenics. They’re New Men that he made. Probably in a lab.

But he couldn’t make people for everything so he has a bunch of technicians working for him that had to be recruited for their obscure specializations.

To build a bomb.

Dammit, Bill Foster!

But the bomb is missing one vital component. The High Evolutionary needs Wakandan vibranium so sends his Gatherers.

Despite my dammit, Bill doesn’t like what’s going on and secrets a tiny capsule into the armor of one of the Gatherers he’s apparently on name basis with.

The High Beyonder, meanwhile, goes on a walk and a bit of a motive rant.

We finally get to learn why he’s in such a big hurry when he’s been casually doing his own thing for decades now.

So, the Fantastic Four discovered that the Beyonders signed their name to the Savage Land. And that’s made the High Evolutionary all paranoid and anxious because the Beyonders stole Counter-Earth and put it in a museum. He’s worried because the Fantastic Four are actively seeking out the Beyonders and that might prompt them to do Something.

Reasonable worry. The Beyonders suuuuuck.

Anyway. The Gatherers arrive in Wakanda. And are immediately detected and confronted by Black Panther and his army.

When one scoffs at “savages with spears”, T’Challa kicks him in the face.

There’s a fight, fight, fight. The Wakandans activate the Black Panther’s THROB.

Which. Is. Apparently. A Trans-Human RObot.

And it absorbs attacks and punches back harder.

Anyway, the Gatherers get their asses kicked. They expect to be teleported to safety, as we’ve seen in previous installments of Evolutionary War. But Black Panther detected them when they teleported in and has set up preventative measures that stop them from escaping the same way.

Black Panther has the Gatherers searched for clues and finds the capsule Bill Foster hid. Which contains a note saying: “SOS! The world is in danger, from a base 72S, 65W! Contact Dr. Henry Pym in Los Angeles! - Dr William Foster”

So T’Challa is like, hey, sure! And contacts the (West Coast) Avengers.

Except when Hawkeye, Scarlet Witch, Vision, Wonder Man, and Mantis show up, they have to inform T’Challa that Hank.... isn’t quite or at all with the team right now.

T’Challa then asks hey why isn’t your wife with the team right now?

Hawkeye: “... Ssst...! I didn’t think I could slide it past you, T’Challa! Mock an’ I have split up! She’s out of my life an’ out of my team! Tigra an’ the Moon Knight, too!”

Black Panther: “Out -- ? But -- where -- ?”

Hawkeye: “I dunno! I don’t wanna know! We all made our decisions, and it’s done with now!”

T’Challa last saw Hawkeye for that David Letterman thing and he was newly married there so that adds some context for how surprised he is.

Also, I dunno what’s going on here. I’m like 90% sure that some dialogue Mantis is supposed to be having was erased.

Englehart will complain about editorial interference in his book and this is probably some of it.

It’s so blatant though! She gets a close-up where she’s clearly talking and nothing is coming out!

Anyway. T’Challa shares the note from Bill Foster and since its been like six years since he was an active superhero, that means its time for exposition.

Bill Foster was Hank Pym’s lab assistant. Unaddressed here so I’m going to bring it up: he was introduced and immediately got hate crimed by the not-KKK Sons of the Serpent. This made Hank Pym decide to destroy the not-KKK which involved pretending to support them, which made Bill Foster quit but he came back when Hank did, in fact, destroy them. Also, the not-KKK was a foreign psyop to cause strife in America because fuck comics are like that sometimes (derogatory).

Anyway, Bill Foster eventually managed to duplicate Hank’s growth serum and dubbed himself Black Goliath because black characters had to remind you they’re black or else you might not realize they’re black. He also had a belly window in his costume because. I don’t know why but belly windows or plunging necklines were just common for black characters.

T’Challa got away with a full coverage costume but that’s so it wasn’t obvious he was black, so as not to offend Southern states. In fact, T’Challa’s mask originally was supposed to show his mouth but it was inked over.

Comics!

So Bill Foster was a size changing hero. He immediately got cancer in his first ever adventure after running into a guy called Atom Smasher.

Bill Foster has no kind of luck. Did you know that he died in Civil War and is still dead? How fucked up is that.

Bill’s cancer was eventually treated with a blood transfusion from Spider-Woman who is apparently immune to poisons and I guess cancer counts? Whatever. Point being, he wasn’t dying but he couldn’t size-shift anymore because of the strain on his body.

Taking after Hank there, a little.

Hawkeye decides to use Black Panther inviting them to Wakanda to try to get him to sign up with the West Coast Avengers but Black Panther says now is not the time because he’s worried about the attempted vibranium theft.

And the panther totem alarm raises in alarm of yet more intruders, this time in the technological jungle.

So the High Evolutionary has the Gatherers, the Purifiers, the Eliminators, and also this quirky miniboss squad, the Sensors.

Who are, reasonably enough, themed after human senses. Sight, Touch, Sound, Smell, Taste, and Intuition.

What? No Proprioception? Git gud, the High Evolutionary.

Anyway, this group is so dumb I kind of love it. And tragically, this seems to be their only appearance. I’d love if they got out into the wild and just showed up as a goofy theme group of jobbers.

I want Spider-Man to fight them. He’d have a field day fighting someone called Smell or Taste.

Anyway.

Black Panther gets pinned down by Sound. Because sonics are just a weakness of his. That’s why Klaw is his nemesis. That and the whole dad killing thing. But mostly because T’Challa is sensitive to loud noises.

Scarlet Witch goes to fight Smell but finds herself having trouble.

Scarlet Witch: “I’m throwing hexes, but I can’t pinpoint her inside that cloud of stench!”

This is so god damn stupid =D

Sight is basically Budget Cyclops. Every photon that hits his eyes gets channeled into laser beams that blast out of his helmet antlers. Helmet prongs. Whatever you call those things.

Vision decides to get into a laser staring contest with Sight.

Which is fucking stupid. Vision fires Solar Beam. Which just powers up Sight who shoots lasers. Which Vision absorbs through his head gem to power his Solar Beam. They’re stalemated.

Wonder Man fights Touch. And I guess Touch is interpreted as meaning punches. Because she punches him.

Hawkeye fights Taste and... aw c’mon, you’re not even trying with the theme! His power is that his fingers shoot acid. That has nothing to do with tasting! He should be Touch and have a deadly touch! Do I have to do all the work for you?

Annyway, Hawkeye has one of those fights where he keeps shooting arrows and the opponent just keeps blasting the arrows before they can strike. And it takes him forever to think of doing something different.

Finally, Mantis is fighting Intuition. Who has mind reading abilities to anticipate what she’s going to do before she does it. Mantis is surprised that Intuition manages to dodge a blow because “only three have ever accomplished that!”

If I go back and read all the comics with you in them and find that more than three people have dodged an attack by you, I’m going to be very disappointed.

But also I’m not going to do that. I’m way too busy with Evolutionary War.

Okay, so we have a bunch of Avengers stymied against a bunch of opponents who counter their powers.

It’s time for a TRADE PLACES! Sorta.

Scarlet Witch has been trying to hex Smell through the stink cloud the whole time and finally goes fuck that. She instead magic(k)s the stink cloud and moves it to cover Sight, blocking him from absorbing any light.

So without lasers, Vision just punches him in the fucking head. Then he uses his eye lasers (which I’m pretty sure he’s not supposed to have, didn’t mention that earlier) to knock out Smell.

And forget about trade places, the other three West Coast Avengers just. Try harder. Than they were.

C’mon. Either trade places or don’t. Don’t tease me with it.

Wonder Man actually tries fighting back against Touch. He’d been letting her beat the shit out of him because Girl. As soon as he tries, he knocks her the fuck out.

Hawkeye finally thinks to do something other than fire arrows directly at this guy to be melted. Good ol’ boomerang arrow. Fire it wide so the guy dismisses it as no threat and then let it circle back and bonk him in the back of the head.

And Mantis goes into a meditative trance in which she empties her mind. Then, acting subconsciously, she chops Intuition in the throat.

... I’m fairly certain she’s dead now. That looked like a pretty solid hit.

As for Black Panther and Sound... Black Panther lures Sound onto the vibranium mound. And because of vibranium’s property of absorbing vibrations, it dampens the sonics Sound has been blasting at Black Panther.

But it turns out the whole thing was a double bluff.

Smell claimed that the Sensors were the ones who were really meant to obtain the vibranium. The Gatherers were only a distraction. But, welp, turns out that the Sensors were also distraction.

While T’Challa is distracted being smug about his victory over Sound and how the guy didn’t understand that you could set off an explosion on the vibranium mound and not hear or feel it... an agent of the High Evolutionary called Foks (clever like a) teleports in, blasts a big chunk of vibranium loose, and then teleports off with it.

With the threat seemingly ended?? the West Coast Avengers decide to go investigate the base that Bill Foster’s note mentioned. Black Panther decides not to go with them because he’s feeling a sense of trepidation. Like the whole world is under threat or something...

(Wouldn’t that be a good reason to go?)

But when the West Coast Avengers arrive they find two surprises.

One, the Savage Land is green and thriving the way it used to be, despite the report from the East Coast Avengers that Terminus had fucked it.

The West Coast Avengers haven’t read the X-Men Annual yet.

But two, there’s a big fucking hole in the ground at the coordinates Bill provided.

Wonder Man: “What could have happened, Hawk?”

Hawkeye: “Beats me, Simon! But whatever it was -- did we get here too late to save the world -- ?”

And to answer that, lets get into the second half of the Annual.

Because Mockingbird’s group have their own part to play. Remember how they were on the cover?

Also remember how they were going to go investigate a Master Pandemonium sighting at the South Pole?

Well, they also show up in Antarctica to get surprised that the Savage Land is back. But they arrive earlier because they didn’t get called to Wakanda.

(Also, they apparently stole a Quinjet. Mockingbird is just taking more and more in this divorce.)

When they land, they’re met by Ka-Zar. You might remember that Mockingbird has a lot of history with Ka-Zar. If you don’t, I’m reminding you that Mockingbird has a lot of personal history with Ka-Zar.

He summarizes the X-Men Annual for Mockingbird’s Notvengers. Except the part where the X-Men were involved because the X-Men mind-wiped everyone. Like dicks.

Point being, he tells them that the High Evolutionary is a cool guy that restored the Savage Land.

And also, Ka-Zar moved back to the Savage Land with his wife and baby son now that the place doesn’t suck anymore.

Bobbi gets to be catty about Ka-Zar and Shanna’s marriage going well. Its a pleasant visit until Bobbi drops the ‘by the way, my marriage has fallen apart but congrats on the happy family’ right before walking out.

And then she bemoans to her teammates “I don’t believe it! Kazar and Shanna are having babies while I’m on my way to divorce court?”

But anyway. Plot.

The Notvengers decide to investigate the High Evolutionary’s citadel. Even though he was cool enough to restore the Savage Land and Ka-Zar says he hasn’t done anything wrong that he knows about. The team decides to at least pay a courtesy call to find out what the guy’s about.

And because they have no cause to just kick the door down and get confrontational, they knock and ask to see the High Evolutionary please.

Foks, the guy that’s probably a fox (Tigra even says he smells like a fox) lets them in because the High Evolutionary has been expecting someone to eventually show up.

Bill Foster sees Mockingbird, Tigra, and Moon Knight from the lab floor. He figures that they got his message so he excuses himself to get a drink of water so he can make his own preparations.

When the Notvengers speak with him, the High Evolutionary doesn’t even try to play innocent.

Mockingbird: “We came to find out what you’re doing here!”

The High Evolutionary: “Certainly, Mockingbird! I’m building a bomb which, when detonated, will mutate everyone on Earth!”

Okay! So that answers WHAT he’s up to!

This annuals centric event isn’t paced very well. West Coast Avengers Annual #3 is the third from last part of the event. Out of eleven.

I guess it could have been revealed in the Fantastic Four Annual instead of Evolutionary War being an afterthought to everything else the FF were dealing with. But then... if its revealed to them, they’d want to address it. And that’s not how this thing is structured.

It’s just hard to tell a single story this way.

Anyway.

The Notvengers vow to stop him and the High Evolutionary is like, well, no. And just gases them.

Moon Knight is able to keep fighting after Tigra and Mockingbird almost immediately pass out because Khonshu is in the driver’s seat and can push the meat body to its breaking point.

He hurls some random bullshit at the High Evolutionary. It bounces harmlessly off his shields but still startles him.

So he calls in some guards that tangle with Moon Knight until he can’t hold his breath any longer, sucks in some gas, and passes out.

The High Evolutionary is intrigued that Moon Knight was able to go so long without air but he doesn’t have time for that right now.

His Wakanda operation, seen in the first half of this book, is in progress and requires him to be ready to take action. Coordinating Foks’ teleport to the vibranium mound, perhaps.

So he has the Notvengers thrown into... THE MAZE.

Outside the High Evolutionary’s throne room? Audience chamber? Whatever? Bill Foster was eavesdropping on the confrontation.

So he knows that the Notvengers weren’t here to rescue him but they’re his best bet so he’s got to rescue them.

Mockingbird wakes up in... THE MAZE. Which is a maze. Filled with robots. And traps.

Despite needing his full attention on the Wakanda operation, the High Evolutionary is also watching the Notvengers in the maze.

Maybe he finished with Wakanda while everyone was passed out?

Anyway. He’s impressed with how Mockingbird is acquitting herself.

The High Evolutionary: “Quite resourceful -- and dangerous -- I wonder if she’ll be the one of the three to escape my maze first  -- and earn the right to become the guinea pig for my evolutionary formula -- !”

Okay, so. He’s building a bomb that will force mutate humanity into a ‘more evolved form.’

But I’m guess he also planned on superhero interference and planned to select one of the superheroes to base the mutagenic compound in the bomb on?

And he has such shitty luck that he wound up with the Notvengers?

No offense but if you’re going to mutate humanity you can do better than Mockingbird, Moon Knight, and Tigra.

Although, turning everyone into catpeople. That’d get back to his furry making roots.

And to answer my own question, no, the Wakanda operation isn’t done.

Foks runs in and informs the High Evolutionary that the Sensors have run into trouble because the West Coast Avengers are helping Black Panther in Wakanda.

The High Evolutionary confirms that the Sensors were a double bluff to let him get information on Wakanda’s defenses around the vibranium mound and that he’ll teleport Foks in to get the actual task done when the time comes.

Meanwhile, in... THE MAZE, Tigra also is doing well fighting the robots and such. But she smells Moon Knight, OH YEAHs through a wall with her claws, finds him after he also broke a robot, and starts making out with him a lot. Through his mask.

Elsewhere meanwhile, Bill Foster tries to sneak into... THE MAZE area but runs into some guards that point out that he’s not supposed to be here.

He tries to claim he’s just using the little scientist’s room but since they plan to report him for being out of his designated area, he says nuts and punches them a lot.

Back with Mockingbird, she almost falls into a spiky pit trap but manages to pole vault herself to safety.

Relative safety.

She runs into the High Evolutionary.

He tries to congratulate her on getting to the finish line first because Tigra and Moon Knight were too busy making out but she smoothly transitions right into violence.

The High Evolutionary is super-duper cosmically powerful of course so he’s capable of some tricks. Like psychokinesis. Shooting MIND LASERS. And getting kicked in the face.

But after she’s knocked him down and is going to... kill him? Knock him out? One or the other.

He just decides no. We’re not doing that.

And he grows into a Giant-Sized High Evolutionary.

While Giant-Sized High Evolutionary berates Mockingbird for getting ahead of herself, Bill Foster has found them.

And seeing a Giant-Sized High Evolutionary reminds Bill of the serum he’s prepared. A Giant Man serum.

AND IT WORKS!

He can now tell the High Evolutionary to fight someone his own size!

And as the new Giant Man slams the High Evolutionary around the scenery, he explains.

Because of the cancer, he’d kinda sorta but not really lost his powers. Its complicated. I thought that the transfusion from Spider-Woman had cured the cancer but whatever.

Bill Foster was scouted for the High Evolutionary’s project. He didn’t realize he was a captive until he got here. But he signed up in the first place because A) he didn’t know that the High Evolutionary was going to build a bomb to mutate the world and B) he realized that with the technology available for a genetic project that the High Evolutionary was running, he (Bill Foster) could develop a serum to strengthen his body so he could stay giant-sized Giant-Man.

Since Pym size shifting takes mass from the mass dimension, if Bill stays big long enough, the pure mass from the mass dimension will cleanse the tainted cancer mass.

Sure! That sounds plausibly, maybe!

The High Evolutionary isn’t feeling this fight. Like, he doesn’t like fighting. And Bill’s big giant-sized brain is giving him resistance to the High Evolutionary’s psychic powers.

Plus, he likes the cut of Bill’s jib. He’s evolving and improving himself, just like the High Evolutionary wants to do to everyone!

(I think maybe the High Evolutionary doesn’t actually know what evolution is.)

But Foks reports that he’s retrieved the vibranium and the High Evolutionary goes ‘oh shit right my masterplan.’ Rather than deal with the headache of trying to deal with all the superheroes now running loose around his headquarters, he just decides to fuck off and complete the bomb elsewhere.

The High Evolutionary: “Good luck with your evolution, Giant-Man! It will stand you in good stead in the world to come! We shall NOT meet again!”

What a polite guy.

He flies through the ceiling. Bill realizes that the cliche in this situation is that the High Evolutionary will blow up his old base to conceal any clues to where he’s going.

So he rips open... THE MAZE to free Moon Knight and Tigra and then hustles everyone out of the building.

And yup. As soon as the High Evolutionary’s ship takes off, his Savage Land base explodes.

Giant-Bill wonders whether the Notvengers really showed up without his note and Mockingbird says yes. But they don’t have time for that right now, they need to warn everyone about the High Evolutionary’s Evolution Bomb full of Evolution Formula!

So they all pile into the Quinjet Mockingbird stole and take off. Shortly before the West Coast Avengers arrived from Wakanda, find the giant hole in the ground that was the High Evolutionary’s base, and wonder what the fuck happened.

Good times.

Now we move to the penultimate part of Evolutionary War YET ANOTHER SPIDER-MAN ANNUAL FOR FUCKS SAKE.

What more do you have to contribute, Peter??

Spectacular Spider-Man Annual #8: RETURN TO SENDER

"Oh, no! Not again! GWEN STACY is back!”

Yeah, we’re all sick of it too, Pete.

Again, I don’t know what distinguishes Spectacular Spider-Man from Amazing or Web of. But I bet Spider-Man spider-mans the hell out of this book.

Anyway. Evolutionary War.

Spider-Man is interrupted from musing about adopting a stray cat by a pair of the High Evolutionary’s Purifiers flying around in a UFO shooting at a random woman. But as you can guess from the cover, it’s not a random woman, it’s Gwen Stacy. Clone Gwen. Stacy.

Peter freaks out when he sees her but she freaks out worse, running away.

She later swings by his apartment but freaks out again when she sees Peter’s spider-costume (she knows he’s Spider-Man but Spider-Man still freaks her out). She runs off and with MJ’s sorta blessing, Spider-Man swings out after her.

She gets captured by the Purifiers and teleported to the High Evolutionary’s base, with Spider-Man in tow.

So now I have to backtrack a bit. While the Purifiers were making their second attempt to track down Clone Gwen, the High Evolutionary was making a quick visit to the Young Gods.

I don’t really want to explain them in depth because they’re both complicated and irrelevant.

But when the Eternals book was cancelled, its plot threads were picked up and tied off by the Thor book. The Celestials’ judgement of Earth was resolved by Gaia giving the Celestials the twelve best people on Earth to get the Celestials to go away.

Out in space, the so-called Young Gods train to become new gods but we can’t capitalize that because of trademark reasons.

The High Evolutionary goes to check up on them because as the genetic bomb nears completion, he wants to know if the Young Gods are humanity’s genetic future.

After watching them train, the High Evolutionary concludes (verbally, right in front of them) that they’re intriguing but not the genetic destiny he’s looking for.

But the Young Gods got a really rank vibe by psychically scanning the High Evolutionary and half of them follow him back to Earth to try to stop his plans of evolutionary genocide.

So after Clone Gwen is captured and transported to the High Evolutionary’s base, she’s put in some scanning device.

Spider-Man tries to fight through all the Purifiers and half of the Young Gods show up to help. But the other half of the Young Gods show up to hinder. And someone from group 1 accidentally mind crushes someone from group 2 and the Young Gods conclude that they’re too inexperienced to be fucking around without knowing what they’re doing.

Meanwhile, Spider-Man manages to rip Clone Gwen out of the device and saving her has given him a kind of emotional closure and he finally accepts she’s not Gwen and that he loves someone else.

HE COULD NOT BE MORE RIGHT!

The High Evolutionary finally interjects saying hey I don’t come to your place and break your nice stuff. But also: that Gwen is not Gwen.

The High Evolutionary: “I asked myself, how could a mere university biology professor accomplish a technical miracle such as nearly instantaneous cloning? My study of this woman’s genetic structure, compared to that of Gwen Stacy, shows that he did not.”

This will later be retconned but at the time, this new reveal was because of the advancement of knowledge about cloning and desire to finally tie off the loose thread of the Gwen clone.

So AT THIS MOMENT, Miles Warren didn’t create any real clones. Not with his budget and access to technology.

Instead, he created a genetic virus that transformed a random woman Joyce Delaney into a copy of Gwen. Presumably false memories were also implanted.

THIS IS CLEARLY MUCH MORE FEASIBLE FOR MILES WARREN, UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR, TO HAVE ACCOMPLISHED.

Oh the trouble we run into when we strive to make old stories more plausible.

Anyway, the High Evolutionary is tired of their faces so he teleports them back to New York.

One of the Young Gods shows up and transforms Gwen back into the woman she was. Because she can do that. And Joyce just wanders off somewhere. Until she magically transforms back into a Gwen clone because another Clone Saga is ongoing.

But the important thing is that Peter got emotional closure and that the High Evolutionary... uh, I don’t know why he cared. He says its because she’s a genetic impossibility so I guess he just has strong feelings about cloning.

And the retcon of this retcon will reveal that he was so mad jelly over Miles Warren’s cool cloning skills that he made up that business about the genetic virus. A retcon retcon that will itself cause more problems because an entire new character had been created since this annual using that genetic virus thing as its basis.

BUT ANYWAY.

WE’RE FINALLY.

AT THE LAST PART.

Avengers Annual #17: PROMETHEUS MUTANS!

Hello, you beautiful cover. Nice to see you again.

This is the last part so bring us home, Walt Simonson.

We start strong because the start has Jocasta.

Hi, Jocasta!

People who I have to assume are the High Evolutionary men pug Jocasta back together with captions quoting Frankenstein for some fucking reason.

Jocasta activates and attacks the technicians repairing her. Then she runs to grab a phone but gets blasted by some guards.

Dangit. If this book brought Jocasta back just to kill her, I’mma be peeved.

Meanwhile elsewhere, the abandoned Hydrobase.

I canNOT get over the Avengers extensively rebuiding Hydrobase to be a headquarters and then disbanding like five minutes later. Fuckin’ Thor.

Inside the abandoned base, a computer kicks into action in response to Jocasta’s phone call because, yes, she was trying to contact the Avengers.

But there are no Avengers to contact. Thor disbanded the team after everyone quit, got injured, fell into a time hole, or became super-cursed.

So the computer automatically reaches out to reservists.

You may be able to guess who is going to respond, based on the cover.

It’s actually kind of interesting that this annual coming at a point where there’s no Avengers team meant that Simonson could go with anyone. Fucking Yellowjacket II is in there and she’s not even an Avenger!

The Captain America is the first to respond to the call.

Between Avengers #298 (also written by Simonson), the Captain has completely forgotten what Jarvis told him about the team disbanding. So he reacts like what the heck why isn’t anyone here?

He checks the computer to find out why it contacted him and it reports an unknown caller that was maybe possibly Jocasta called the Avengers and said “the genetic bomb” and “evolutionary.”

The Captain says it couldn’t be Jocasta because she blew up. She blew up a lot. But the computer isn’t designed to argue. Just to relay data.

Cap(tain) decides to wait for other reservists to respond so he can tell people that the whole thing is just a hoax.

And he doesn’t have long to wait before Sam Wilson, the Falcon, shows up.

The Falcon jokes that he thought Cap had quit the Avengers and asked if he’s backsliding.

Then Hercules shows up, in shiny new armor with a belly window showing off his abs.

Remember how Zeus forbade any Olympian from going to Earth to make his hair trigger temper everyone’s problem? Yeah, Hercules don’t give a shit what dad said. He stole one of his thunderbolts and used it to go to Earth to respond to the emergency call.

WHICH HE RECEIVED IN OLYMPUS SOMEHOW.

The Captain explains to Falcon and Hercules that the call was probably a hoax. Hercules is a bit put out that he risked his dad’s wrath for nothing but then a whole lot of Hulk (and Beast) walk through the door.

So Hulk faked his death and has been operating as a gray Hulk called Joe Fixit. Beast convinced him to respond to the emergency Avengers call and in exchange, the Avengers won’t tell anyone about Hulk being alive.

Also, Beast is blue again. Instead of human looking and getting dumber every time he super strengths. I have no idea what happened between the X-Factor Annual and the Avengers Annual.

(Checking the wiki, apparently some lady called Infectia kissed him and that made him blue and smart again.)

And there’s another person responding to the emergency call as Hercules suddenly yoinks Yellowjacket II out of the closet.

Hercules has a reason to be suspicious of her. The one and only time they met, she was a member of the Masters of Evil, the group that beat him into a coma.

But Yellowjacket II, Rita DeMara, explains that the Yellowjacket helmet she stole started buzzing and directing her to report to the Avengers. It basically annoyed her into showing up to a team-up because she couldn’t turn it off.

(Beast finds the off button and stops the alert in like two seconds. But now she’s stuck with the group because Hercules doesn’t trust her to be out of his sight. Because of the Masters of Evil thing. WHICH, Y’KNOW, FAIR.)

Presumably Cap still thinks this emergency alert isn’t worth responding to. But Beast does a bit of electronic razzle-dazzle to trace the call to an abandoned laboratory site on Long Island that once belonged to Stark Industries.

This ad-hoc Avengers group busts out a moth-balled Quinjet and heads to the site.

Hulk OH YEAHs through the wall of the lab to the surprise and very alarm of the High Evolutionary’s guys. One of them goes hoh shit lets shoot first ask questions NEVER this guy scary even though their orders are to scan everyone’s DNA structure before killing them. Because eugenics.

Joe Hulk tags this guy the one smart guy in a bunch of dummies.

After he MURDERS EVERYONE ELSE IN THE ROOM (to the alarm of the ad-hoc Avengers team) he presents the smart guy to the rest to interrogate.

(Supposedly. The guy’s design changes from one page to the next but Hulk says its the same guy.

And the guy is eager to talk. Probably because he just saw a big gray hulk murder everyone else in the room.

He explains that he’s one of the High Evolutionary’s Gatherers with the job to “collect information about the genetic structure of humanity.”

The High Evolutionary is worried that humanity’s evolutionary progress has been stymied by modern society so he’s going to put his finger on the scale.

After the Eliminators and Purifiers are done getting rid or sterilizing the ones the High Evolutionary doesn’t want in his new version of humanity, he’ll set off the genetic bomb and forcibly jump humanity ahead a million years.

Even though that’s not how evolution works.

And also, it looks like he’s going to turn humanity into furries. The man loves his furries.

The Captain criticizes this eugenics plan for being so eugenics when the Captain hates eugenics and also Nazis.

But then the man explodes.

See, he’s a zealot. A true believer. He only partially spilled the beans to buy time until his... suit? recharged enough to blow him up. The Pacific is a big place and time is short so they’ll definitely never find the High Evolutionary!

Joe Hulk mocks the rest of the ad-hoc Avengers as “airheads” after just standing by and letting the guy blow himself up after Joe had gone to the trouble of saving one dude to interrogate.

That’s fair.

Upside though? They rescued Jocasta.

So now a bunch of Jocasta loose ends can be resolved. The Captain tells her that when she ran away from the Avengers, it was before they could tell her they were going to ask her to stay on as a special status. And Jocasta is able to clear up how she’s not blown up. Kinda.

She guesses that the High Evolutionary’s Gatherers found her parts and put her back together using recovered plans. So that they could use her memories to gain first-hand information about the Avengers.

Her cybernetic senses would be more in-depth than public records.

Of course, the Avengers team that recently existed and the Avengers team Jocasta knew were significantly different. But also the Avengers disbanded so basically she was brought back online for no reason.

Womp womp.

I’m just glad she’s alive again.

Rather than searching the entire Pacific, which is very big, the Captain decides he’ll just go talk to the Deviants of Lemuria, figuring that if anyone has a secret science base in the Pacific, they’ll know about it.

I assume that the Captain doesn’t bother with Atlantis because he’s heard that Attuma is in charge and figures they won’t be helpful.

And he’s right about Atlantis not being helpful.

When the apparently submarine capable Quinjet reaches Lemuria, the Ad-Hoc Avengers find an Atlantean fleet attacking the Deviant city.

The Avengers split up. Joe Hulk and Hercules break into the Atlantean flagship and beat the shit out of everyone. Everyone else stays in the Submarine Quinjet and contact the Lemurians.

Kro, the Deviant who has cool sunglasses sometimes, tells the Avengers that the Atlanteans accused the Deviants of sending a sea monster to destroy Atlantis. Kro has no fucking idea what that’s about, but we do. Remember? Marrina? So this is all Dr Druid’s fault.

Fuckin’ Dr Druid.

Then a giant ship belonging to neither Atlantis or Lemuria shows up and blasts both fleets with too much pink energy.

Hulk and Hercules break the giant pink shooting cannon but afterwards, the Avengers realize the damage was done.

The Captain tells both groups that, duh, Lemuria didn’t send a sea monster at Atlantis. And that the people that leaked the misinformation to Atlantis probably did it to draw out both the Atlanteans and Lemurians in one spot.

Because... according to Beast’s analysis... that giant pink energy blast was a sterilizing beam. A big chunk of the mature populations of both Pacific civilizations have been sterilized.

HIGH EVOLUTIONARYYYYYYYYYY!

Attuma and Kro are pissed to learn that their balls just got blasted or however the sterilizing beam worked. They agree to not only team up with each other but to team up with the Ah-Hoc Avengers to track down and stop the High Evolutionary.

And holy ship, uh, I mean holy shit.

That’s a really big ship.

Where does the High Evolutionary get such a mighty vessel?

The backup backstory stories that have been in each part of Evolutionary War reveals that his Wundagore lab/spaceship took years to finish and needed a slave force of Moloids to construct.

The Avengers are quite impressed. And worried. Its just their small group and two armadas against that monster? Do they even have enough guys?

But there’s a bit of a ticking clock.

Falcon is able to determine that the High Evolutionary’s big ship is heading toward the Sunda Strait. And based on that, Beast and the Captain realize that the High Evolutionary is going to re-explode Mount Krakatoa to spread the Genetic Bomb all around the world.

And they don’t have time to launch a full attack. So they ask the Deviants and Atlanteans to launch a diversionary assault that has no chance of succeeding while the Avengers sneak aboard the vessel to disarm the Genetic Bomb.

Inside the behemoth, the High Evolutionary is putting the finishing touches on his Genetic Bomb. Even at this late stage, he and his technicians are still doing genome manipulation. Readying recombinant DNA.

The Evolutionary is less than pleased when he hears of the Deviant/Atlantean attack.

He tells his men to secure the sacred genetic chamber, put the bomb in stasis, gather the priests in the temple, and for everyone to report to battle stations.

Wait.

He has priests? He has a temple?

Why?

Anyway, the Ad-Hoc Avengers happened to infiltrate into the airlock closest to the temple that the High Evolutionary has for some reason. So they get to witness the evolution cult’s services.

Priest: “The Lord High Evolutionary has decreed that there is no danger from the attacking fleets. Our holy vessel has more than enough firepower to destroy our enemies. But our lord has said that the possibility exists that the real threat to our sacred mission may lie elsewhere. As we revere nature and the High Evolutionary, those who would hinder his great plan must be forestalled! All security patrols are to be doubled at once! And any intruders must be captured alive and brought to the sacred genetic chamber! Now go!”

The Captain and Beast muse about the specifics of the High Evolutionary having his own cult with animal-masked priests before an overheard comment reminds Beast that the High Evolutionary loves making furries.

Falcon has an idea, based on a leap in logic. Clearly, based on no evidence so far, the High Evolutionary’s human men (?) have no idea that their priests are animal people. If they reveal this thing that Falcon is just assuming is a secret, it could cause a civil war within the High Evolutionary’s own forces!

AND IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT THE AVENGERS HAVE SOMEONE WHO CAN PASS FOR AN ANIMAL PRIEST.

So the Avengers mug some priests for their robes. Then set up a situation where a group of the High Evolutionary’s men overhear Beast talking to himself.

Priest Beast: “Ah, the jest is almost too rich! Little do the Purifiers and the others suspect the truth behind their priests. How wise of the High Evolutionary to place animals in charge of humans. I wish I could see the look on the faces of our human stooges when they finally learn that we do not wear animal masks in honor of nature... but show our visages openly! The New-Men will rule the new world once the Genetic Bomb has done its real work... and the animals shall have dominion over the Earth!”

Okay, so this works.

Captain America is going to trick a priest while dressed in the white uniform of the Gatherers by claiming that some of the other dudes are plotting treason against the High Evolutionary.

This goat priest will run out and get shot by a group of Gatherers. Said group will then start spreading out to shoot as many priests as they can.

So in terms of a distraction, the Avengers succeeded.

I feel like they’d be less enthused about it if it weren’t animal people getting shot but that’s comic morality.

But it leaves me wondering why the High Evolutionary set it up this way. And how all of this works anyway.

I wondered before how the High Evolutionary found armies of dudes who were super psyched to do some eugenics. One of the dudes in his employ even blew himself up rather than betray his boss.

The West Coast Avengers annual suggested that all of the High Evolutionary’s dudes were made by him. And, y’know, that made sense. The logistics of it were wack but it made sense that they’d all be loyal to him and super into his eugenics plans.

But the Avengers Annual, this book, has gone back to suggesting that the High Evolutionary just hired armies of men who are super into eugenics. One of the dudes that shot the goat priest mentioned having to do a physical examination when he was hired.

So the High Evolutionary found literal armies of men religiously devoted to eugenics. Its religious devotion because the middle managers between the High Evolutionary and the rank-and-file are literal priests.

Various Purifiers or Gatherers or Eliminators or whatevers have spoken in glowing terms about the beautiful future that the High Evolutionary is planning.

Where did he find these goons?

And why the fuck did he make furry priests in vats to middle manage them?

Why the fuck haven’t they shown up in any other part of the story? He’s just been ordering his forces around himself. There’s been no hint of a religious element to his organization.

Beast dressing as a furry priest to sow distrust in the ranks is funny but it raises so many questions!

Moving on.

While Beast, the Captain, and Jocasta go to investigate what secrets lie at the heart of the temple, the other Ad-Hoc Avengers search elsewhere.

Rita DeMara Yellowjacket immediately runs into trouble. Where trouble is all the guards. With guns that can sometimes detect her even tiny sized. And she doesn’t even want to be here. She only agreed to search to get away from Hercules who is still incredibly pissed off at her.

I’d feel sorry for her except I don’t. Haha, get dunked on, Rita DeMara.

Falcon is nicer than I am and saves her from the guards because “winged folks should stick together!”

Meanwhile, some of the rebelling Gatherer dinguses try to kill the High Evolutionary. It’s not really a big threat to him but psychically probing their minds clues him in on Beast impersonating a priest. And since the High Evolutionary knows he doesn’t have any blue-furred dudes, he realizes that the external attack was a ruse to hide an infiltration.

He orders the decks to be sealed to slow down the spread of the rebellion. And orders full fast ahead because the bomb is almost ready and he’s tired of these shenanigans.

The High Evolutionary’s great behemoth of a submarine base just NYOOMS past the attacking fleets, tossing them out of the way with turbulence or just smashing them against the bigger ship.

Also, capsizing some surface ships because of the huge wave created.

Man, Simonson’s Avengers has so much ship sinking.

The Captain, Beast, and Jocasta find the High Evolutionary’s furry lab at the center of the temple. You know, the lab where he makes his furries. His New Men.

Falcon and Yellowjacket show up and announce they found the bomb. Off-panel.

The Captain verbally plans for the Ad-Hoc Avengers to go regroup with Hercules and Hulk and destroy the bomb.

That way he’ll look stupid when the High Evolutionary immediately after teleports into the Genesis Chamber and calls Cap’s plan “insipid.”

Ouch.

Also, he says he’s going to kill them because he’s sick of their shit.

Jocasta tries to rush him but the High Evolutionary zaps her FTSZAPT! blowing off her limbs.

The Captain is like oh shit, the High Evolutionary is a heavy hitter. We need our heavy hitters.

And the High Evolutionary very kindly teleports Hulk and Hercules to the Genesis Chamber because hey, why not gather everyone in one easily to destroy group. BECAUSE HE IS SICK OF THEIR SHIT.

The Captain tells Falcon to fly away and destroy the bomb while everyone else holds off the High Evolutionary.

(A plan that Yellowjacket II hates. She just hates it. She so doesn’t want to be here and is regretting ever stealing the costume in the first place. Ha ha.)

The High Evolutionary tries to zap Falcon as he flies away but misses. SO NOW HE HAS TO GO CHASE DOWN A BIRDESQUE MAN WHO DOESN’T EVEN HAVE THE DECENCY TO BE A BIRD MAN!

The Captain’s plan to hold off the High Evolutionary... well, that doesn’t last long.

Instead of fighting them, the High Evolutionary just summons a cage of omnium steel to hold them and then teleports off to find Falcon.

Joe Hulk isn’t as strong as your standard Hulk. So he can’t bust outta the cage by himself. Even when Hercules joins in, the bars don’t bend.

But Beast got a strength boost from all that not-hairy dumb-but-strong thing. And when he joins in, the three dudes are able to bend an exit.

So despite his first plan being not good, the Captain has another plan.

Its a good plan, a daring plan. He’s going to forever alter one of his friends by using mad science on him.

Yup.

Cap decides the only way to beat the High Evolutionary is to use the genetic accelerator to buff Hercules up to the High Evolutionary’s power level.

Sure.

I mean. The High Evolutionary evolved to become one with the universe when he used the process on himself. He had to choose a specific exposure amount to get cosmic strong but not energy being beyond material matters.

And Cap just wants Beast to blast Hercules with a random amount of evolution?

I’m not super thrilled on the genetic accelerator just being used as a power-up.

But Cap argues that if they just destroy the bomb, the High Evolutionary could build another one! He has no idea how long it took the High Evolutionary to build one or what rare materials he needed for it but he’s super sure that the High Evolutionary can just crank them out!

I don’t like this plan.

But Hercules seems game. So. Whatever.

But but Joe Hulk objects. If anyone is getting a power-up, its him. And he tosses Beast across the room for emphasis.

The Captain is worried Joe Hulk will blow the whole plan so decides to aggro the High Evolutionary back to take care of Hulk.

Uh. Kinda like the Old Lady who swallowed a fly with that one. The cure might be worse than the disease. Especially since Hercules should be stronger than Joe Hulk and he hasn’t even tried to stop him yet.

Anyway. The way Cap aggros the High Evolutionary is by broadcasting a message that the High Evolutionary has abandoned ship and that the Avengers are in control of the vessel.

The High Evolutionary immediately teleports back to the Genesis Chamber (with a knocked out Falcon in his arms), sees Hulk messing with his machinery, and declares “This farce has gone far enough!”

He blasts Joe Hulk but Joelk no sells it.

Remember that thing about the High Evolutionary not liking to fight? Well, rather than try escalating levels of violence until he beats Hulk, he just teleports Hulk the fuck out of his ship.

How the fuck out? All the way to Las Vegas.

Supposedly the High Evolutionary had to use a lot of his energy to do this. But if that were the case, we wouldn’t still be going with the put Hercules in the evolution machine gambit. And we are.

So the High Evolutionary is still next to invincible.

While the Captain holds the guy back, Beast hustles Hercules into the genetic accelerator.

The High Evolutionary blasts the Captain to the side and rants about how he thought the Avengers could have been useful to advance humanity’s genetic destiny but now he sees they’re just obsolete throwbacks.

Yellowjacket II still doesn’t even want to be here today but she decides to Try.

She flies into his ear and blasts the energy that makes up his material form. Apparently it works to distract him but the High Evolutionary boils his insides until Yellowjacket II flees and then he BLAKKPT! blasts her.

But Hercules in his fancy new armor is out of the evolutionary microwave and ready to throw down.

And ready to get thrown down.

The High Evolutionary just blasts him, saying he’s made himself superior to nature and gods.

The High Evolutionary: “You, my would-be god, cannot be permitted to live an instant longer! I have no interest in taking the full measure of your strength. Whatever powers my instruments have given, you die now before you can comprehend or control them!”

Then Beast kicks his ass.

Well, its more of a punch. But he distracts the guy so the Evolutionary summons up some improved restraints that Beast has no chance of OH YEAHing out of.

Then Hercules blasts the High Evolutionary with pink energy.

Super Hercules: “You claim to hold the destiny of mankind in your hand! Yet you would oppose those who oppose you and change those who do not! ‘Tis not mankind you would aid but your own overweening vanity!”

Don’t really follow that one but sure.

The High Evolutionary blasts Hercules right back, saying he’s going to kill him so hard and then wipe him from humanity’s memory. Brutal.

But instead of dying, Hercules does not die. In fact, he gets a power up.

The High Evolutionary blasts off Hercules’ armor, revealing that Beast strapped the master unit of the evolutionary chamber inside the armor so Hercules has been further evolving this whole time.

APPARENTLY.

How the fuck did Beast know what the master unit was when this is the first time he’s seen this machinery and only for like five minutes? How did the chamber keep working with the master unit removed? Because Beast was ‘upgrading’ Hercules’ armor while Hercules was still in the chamber. How is the master unit working when it doesn’t have a power source or y’know I’d assume that the rest of the genetic accelerator are actually important or the High Evolutionary would just streamline it down to the fucking master unit!

Whatever.

This nonsense plot is happening so lets roll with it.

Now Hercules is kicking the High Evolutionary’s ass.

The High Evolutionary: “It can’t happen now! Not when I’m so close to achieving my goal! I would have given mankind the future! I would have made gods of everyone! I would no longer have been alone!”

Hercules: “Thou should have aspired to less godhood! ... And more humanity! But you have shown me the way and the fate you would have bestowed upon Hercules is thine!”

Cool, the High Evolutionary. That has nothing to do with anything else you’ve stated your motivations to be but cool.

Then the High Evolutionary turns into a pink cloud.

But as he does, he zaps Hercules with eye beams (pink ones) that speed up Hercules’ evolution and he also turns into a pink cloud.

Very underwhelming.

Falcon, the Captain, and the Beast have a moment of silence for their Olympian bud before going ‘hey we should probably find Yellowjacket II and then beat up some goons.’

They do find Yellowjacket II. She’s with Jocasta. Neat, Jocasta is still alive.

And while everyone else has been doing the big stupid superhero punch-up, she’s been hacking the ship.

She can’t stop the ship from going full fast ahead and they’re almost at Krakatoa but she can make the matter/anti-matter engine blow the fuck up.

Which will destroy the ship, the genetic bomb, and also the army of mooks on board.

Yeah, the Avengers don’t even slightly try to tell these guys to abandon ship.

Superheroes preserving all life is just kind of a suggestion, y’know?

And for some reason, Jocasta has to stay behind plugged into the computer to make the engine blow up. She can’t just set a countdown or something.

>=[

So this annual brings back Hercules and Jocasta from character limbo and promptly kills them off again.

Okay cool fuck off.

Jocasta manages to blow up the ship before it reaches Krakatoa, if only just.

And to make sure the genetic bomb’s mutagenic compound was obliterated in the explosion, the Avengers fly into the explosion plume and open the vents?

THERE’S NOT A BETTER WAY TO TEST THAT, HANK MCCOY, GENIUS SCIENTIST??

Anyway, it’s all just a set-up for a fake-out where Beast sneezes to bookend him sneezing at the beginning of the story.

Alls well that ends well except for the two dead Avengers and this story being garbage.

Now to be fair, comics. Jocasta will be back. Hercules will be back. The High Evolutionary will be back. In fact, the High Evolutionary and Hercules wind up in the same place. For some reason, the Celestials grab their discorporated essence and imprison them in the Black Galaxy.

Celestials, amirite? Can’t figure them.

So this last part of the story, Avengers Annual #17, had the difficult task of bringing the Evolutionary War event home. Which was both easy and difficult because most of the parts had interacted with it subtly at best.

The X-Factor part had a philosophical brawl between the Evolutionary and Apocalypse that revealed that the Evolutionary’s behavior in this event is because he’s feeling urgency. The West Coast Avengers Annual revealed that urgency is likely to be because of the Beyonders, who screwed him over once.

So we get to the last part and the Beyonders don’t get mentioned and the High Evolutionary’s new motive is that he feels lonely and wants humanity to be as cool as him.

I don’t think its easy to organize a story spanning this many different creative teams. Marvel still has problems getting events to stay on the same page in the year of our lord this year and that’s with all kinds of new advances in communication.

But shouldn’t the person that had to land this unwieldy plane actually been able to land the plane?

God. I feel bad saying it but Simonson is not doing a good job on Avengers. The first bunch of issues I’ve covered there’s the mitigating factor that he’s dealing with picking up someone else’s abandoned plot threads, editorial pressure breathing down his neck, a roster he clearly has no interest in writing.

But in this Avengers Annual, he got to pick a bunch of Avengers. He got to make up his own dream team. Even including dead characters like Jocasta. Even including characters that aren’t technically Avengers like Yellowjacket II. This is a roster he got to handpick. And the story is boring.

Despite how much the Genetic Bomb got built up, it is never seen on panel in this issue. You’d think that the thrilling conclusion to the story would be fought around it or over it. The bomb-ass cover even features a bomb motif.

But the final fight is instead in a generic lab with Hercules having a pink-off against the High Evolutionary after having a free power-up machine taped to his back.

It feels wrong to have the High Evolutionary beaten in Dragonball “my power is maximum” style because he’s not a fighty character. He’s powerful. But he’s not fighty. Given his performance here, he could have mopped the floor with Giant-Sized Bill Foster but decided to fuck off instead.

This is a Kang Ending or a Doom Ending but it doesn’t feel like a High Evolutionary Ending.

He’s also a lot more dickish in this last part of the story. Not to say that doing a lot of eugenics isn’t dickish by itself. But he’s been avoiding killing people if he doesn’t have to. He realized he was wrong to write off the Moloids. He let Clone Gwen go when he got the information he needed. But in the last issue, he got up on the wrong side of the bed. Just feels inconsistent. Which... is kinda the problem with the whole event.

I expected more than that for a story that took 11 annuals to cover. And that’s my fault. For expecting much out of this.

Most of the tie-ins were “High Evolutionary’s goons try to gather something or kill someone or sterilize someone, most likely something involving the drug trade.”

It was very clear as I dug into this that most of the writers were going off a paragraph or so of overarching plot, leaving very few issues actually trying to go deeper than that.

If you imagine Evolutionary War instead as a couple issues of event comic, most of the books I read here are tie-ins with EVOLUTIONARY WAR proudly displayed across the top of the cover and then some armor dudes show up to interrupt whatever the hero is up to.

Although, limiting it to the Annuals does mean it was less obtrusive so I can say that.

Okay. To teal deer, the Annuals Event concept is more likely to be bad than not because of the difficulty in organizing so many creative teams onto the same page. Add on a number of creators who can barely be bothered to engage with the material and you’re not likely to get something very much worth reading.

There’s another EVEN BIGGER Annuals Event next year but after that, the Marvel books break off into little groups for smaller Annuals Events.

That’s the only thing that makes me commit to covering them. If there were many more Evolutionary War sized events to cover, I think I would ignore them. Or just cover the Avengers bits.

Honestly, would I have missed out on much had I skipped the three Spider-Man parts of the story? I don’t think so.

Follow @essential-avengers​. Like and reblog and comment and oh god please read this. This took so long. It was not worth it!

#avengers #essential avengers #Evolutionary War #the High Evolutionary #and his various forces #West Coast Avengers #Hawkeye #Wonder Man #the Vision #Scarlet Witch #Mantis #Mockingbird #Tigra #Moon Knight #ka zar #shanna the she devil #Giant Man #the Captain #Captain America #Jocasta #Falcon #Hercules #Beast #Hulk #Yellowjacket II #X Factor #Punisher #Silver Surfer #New Mutants #Spider Man

[daincrediblegg]

1, 3, 4, 9 for the film asks please!

1.Name a few underrated actors.

Well no. 1 on this list is My Boy Hamish Linklater, obviously. That man is better than 99% of the hollywood faps and none of them could’ve ever played Father Paul with the depth and rawness and nuance that he did and I will love him forever for it and I think he should really start getting more main roles like that actually or I’m gonna go to hollywood and pick off execs one by one personally.

Paul Sun-Hyung Lee is next on my list because I actually NEED him to be in everything now. Kim’s Convenience really is genuinely one of the best and funniest and most heartwarming shows to ever to exist and I’m so happy that Simu Liu has gotten a LOT of jobs as a result- but man I see so many good potential casts for Paul too that I’m gonna go insane beating my head against the wall if they don’t happen. Like it would be a sin not to cast this dude as Uncle Iroh in a live action adaptation of ATLA. He is the best if not the ONLY man for the job and I will die on that hill. He tickles me silly every single time he shows up in The Mandolorian but lets be real: he needs more screen time bc the bit part they have him doing ain’t cutting it. Let him fully replace Cara Dune next season like please I am begging I would like to see more of him in the star wars universe and let him have an actual character to chew on like PLEASE!!!! He’s the fat star wars hero we deserve. Give him all the roles he’s excellent.

For ladies, my choices are these:

First choice for this category for me has gotta be Carla Gugino. I mean especially in the last few years? Her work with Mike Flannagan has been fucking incredible from Hill House to Geralds Game (which I feel like it’s not nearly discussed enough but it should be bc that one still like genuinely haunts me moreso than probably any other Mike Flanagan work or stephen king adaptation) and not to mention she’s a total MILF to boot anyway I just love her and I’m excited to see her and Mike tackle Poe

Stephanie Hsu coming in hot bc I Loved her in Mrs. Maisel and when I figured out she was in Everything Everywhere All At Once too I flipped my shit. She’s perfect in every way and I love her and I am so excited to see where her career takes her bc she’s just got so much and I love her.

And of course Kate Siegel. My girl comes thru for me every single time I see her and never disappoints. Would love to see her branch out from her own damn husband’s projects but honestly even if she doesn’t I don’t think I could complain bc he writes roles for her that are what she deserves. And if that ain’t love idk what is.

3.Most overrated actor(s)?

Just gonna do an mcu lightning round just to get it out of the way (god I am so gonna get fuckin lynched for this): RDJ, Chris Pratt, Sebastian Stan, Benedict Cumberbatch (bonus points for being so annoying that the MCU now inserts him into every movie to try and make me care about him: it’s not working), Evangeline Lily, Paul Rudd, Mark Ruffalo, Jeremy Renner, Elizabeth Olsen, Bradley Cooper(this fucking guy especially I hate how often his films get nominated for oscars he’s not good the best shit he ever did was 1) produce joker and 2) play the douchebag I perceive him to be in Wedding Crashers) Tom Holland, Zendaya.

By vicarious exposure due to his recurrent involvement in projects with Hamish Linklater I must say I don’t think Dan Stevens is that good of an actor either. He can do a lot but I don’t really feel it when he does it… y’know? I just don’t buy.

Also not a big Matt Smith gal. Not really looking forward to see him in the GOT spin off either and frankly if he’s playing Rhaegar that’s an eggregious mis-cast. Like the man has no eyebrows for feck’s sake

As for actresses Jennifer Lawrence hits the top of the list for me (probably just by association with bradley cooper shit) followed closely by Vera Farminga and probably also Nicole Kidman.

4.What’s a movie you watched over and over again as a child that you still love?

God there are so many lmao but one I remember actively seeking out to view is Howl’s Moving Castle. I remember they used to run it on STARZ all the time and I would try to catch it every single time it was on.

9.Name a film you think has some of the best costume and makeup/hair design.

God that’s tough. I mean take about any GDT movie and it ticks all the boxes for me in that category (I mean the fish man suit was about 90% practical. Nobody does that anymore and Doug Jones is a king and a legend for his work as such)… but then also LOTR and The Hobbit really got me good with the visuals also and they also still hold up like insanely well. But also what I re-watched recently is The Fall. And honestly to this day the costume design in that film continues to blow me away… so I guess take all of those for what they’re worth lmao

FILM QUESTIONS

#ask games #thank u bb for supporting the film nerd in me 🥰🥰🥰

[because-i-am-barely-even-human]

It all started with the sudden idea of Buck having a teenage son who is being passive-aggressive towards Ana because of Christopher, and then it turned into this.

Actually, I had some thoughts about Buck having a kid due to teenage pregnancy for some time, I just couldn't come up with the right scenario, only some vague ideas. But now here we are. Enjoy this drabble(?) because it stopped being a prompt a few paragraphs ago 😂

I can't seem to leave Ana alone, she's really suffering in my blog 😆

P. S. I'm not sure what age Buck is in canon. Is he like 30 in season 4-5? I don't know. I have no clue how many years passed since Eddie showed up, the show is pretty vague on the timeline (at least for me). I think by the time of season 4 Eddie was in LA for 2 years minimum. I'll leave it at that.

Let's say here Buck was 16 when his son was born.

Jasper is 14 years old during s2, then 16 during s4.

Buck is 30 years old (s2), then 32 (s4). I know he was younger in s2 in canon but I'll smudge some numbers for this story 🙃

***

Due to neglectful parents and wild teenagerhood Buck has a 14 year old son.

Buck’s parents couldn’t care less for the first child of their irresponsible son. To save their reputation once again they decided to move to another city and subsequently to cut Evan off out of the kid’s life.

Joke’s on Phillip and Margaret Buckley but, contrary to popular belief, Evan was not irresponsible, despite the accidental teenage pregnancy. Things happen, that’s life.

Buck had a job, saved some money for living, and, since this job was a pretty stable one for a 16 year old, it was enough to get emancipated. Buck stayed in the hometown to be there for his kid and help his ex-girlfriend. They decided to stay friends.

***

Eddie was shocked to find out that his new friend has a 14 year old son. Buck was quite young, so he never would have guessed that he has a kid of that age. But it was actually what brought Buck and Eddie more closer. Becoming a parent when you’re not ready, and then being a single father is hard, and Evan knows it from the firsthand experience. They bonded over this.

It didn’t hurt that Christopher followed Jasper Buckley like a little duckling, and Jasper in turn took Chris under his wing and got protective every time someone as much as looked at the little boy the wrong way.

***

Ana Flores thought she knew what she was getting into when she started dating Edmundo Diaz. An army vet, a firefighter and a father to a child with disability. She’s confident she could handle all of this.

What she wasn’t ready for is for a 16-year old kid to show up at Diaz house one evening, letting himself in with his own key and start talking frantically about some school project, it would seem. His name sounds familiar but she can’t remember why.

It took him a few minutes to notice that she was there, a recognition flashed in the boy’s eyes, and the instant glare sent her way was filled with such contempt that Ana had a sudden urge to leave the country.

Then another bombshell - the kid called her boyfriend papa.

***

You see, Jasper is sassy, and sarcastic, and a little bit of a bastard but it takes a lot for him to actually hate someone. For example, his paternal grandparents. He only met them once when he was 5 years old.

It took exactly 5 minutes for them to stress out his dad and for Jasper to start throwing his favorite and faithful blocks at their heads. Courtesy of his amazing aim and dad’s strained relationship with them, he never met them again. Thank fucking god for that.

When Jasper met Christopher Diaz, a literal sunshine, he kid you not, it was decided right here and there that this boy is gonna be his little brother, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Don’t look at him like that, he doesn’t make rules! It’s what the universe wants, and who is young Buckley to deny it? He’s pretty sure dad has already claimed Diaz boys as their family.

Eddie is cool, too. The guy is now helping him with his chemistry homework since dad is useless in the subject. But who would have thought that a year later Jasper would be so interwoven with Diaz family that he would be jokingly calling Eddie Diaz papa? Well, here they are.

When Christopher got hurt at the school trying to ride a skateboard, Jasper had half a mind to go there and throw hands with a fucking dumbass who was supposed to watch over his brother. He would never punch anyone without a provocation, mind you, but this situation left him feeling furious.

Not to mention, Eddie for some noble reasons decided to apologize to that teacher, never mind that she hadn’t done her job properly. Whether that was Chris’ idea to ride a skateboard or not, she should have stopped them, and how in the world you miss a whole ass skateboard? And what is this with a weirdo analogy with horses? For fuck’s sake.

Ana Flores is now on his shit list, alright, along with Phillip and Margaret Buckley, may these old farts rot in a garbage disposal.

----

Maybe I'll write about Jasper Buckley again, maybe I won't, who knows. Let's see if I can come up with new ideas concerning this.

#drabble #pre-buddie #9-1-1 #Evan Buckley #Eddie Diaz #Christopher Diaz #Jasper Buckley #original male character #Buckley-Diaz family #anti ana flores #not Phillip Buckley friendly #not Margaret Buckley friendly #not Buckley parents friendly #platonic co-parenting #platonic co-parents buddie #one savage Buckley child coming right up #teenage pregnancy mentioned #angry teenager #protective Jasper Buckley #original Buckley child-centric #although he's not a child that's for sure

[pucksnsticksnhockeyboys]

you say you hate me

summary: four times you were forced to spend time with Matthew plus one time you chose to.

warnings: mentions of drinking, swearing

word count: 7.2k

note from the writer: is it bad that I’ve already started another Matt fic? also this gif is *chef’s kiss* amazing

ONE

You knew you ran the risk of running into him when you moved from St. Louis to Calgary. But you couldn’t pass up the job opportunity you were given, even if it meant you were looking over your shoulder as if to avoid running into him.

But after three months of living in Calgary you hadn’t seen him, so you were certain you were in the clear. You reasoned that he would’ve popped up sooner, you followed each other on Instagram and have each other added on Snapchat, so you knew that he knew you were in Calgary. You pushed him to the back of your mind, though, not wanting him to take up any more residence in your mind than he already did. And after a while you figured you were safe from his presence and any headaches that seemed to follow him around.

So imagine your surprise when he shows up while you’re in the middle of a date.

Chris is a nice guy. It’s your third date, and the bar he’s taken you to is a little more on the casual side, but the Edmonton vs. Canucks game was on the television above the bar and you knew he was a big hockey guy.

Clearly, you had a type.

“So, I think my boss is going to give me a big project, which would be a huge step in the right direction for the promotion I—” You were gushing about the news you had received earlier in the day, but you were unable to finish your thought as Chris yelled.

“Oh, fuck off, Mcdavid! You should have scored that.”

After realizing that he wasn’t talking about your ability to buy a goal or calling you McDavid, you learned two things about the man sitting across from you. One, he hadn’t been listening to a single word you were saying and you could count on the hockey game being more interesting to him than anything you could have said. You should have known, anyways, on your first date he spent five whole minutes talking about how the Oilers were his favorite team after you mentioned you grew up in St. Louis. And two, he was that kind of hockey fan. The kind that tore down their team’s top players over any little screw-up. The kind that made your skin crawl after having grown up with the sport.

“It was a rookie mistake.” Chris’ attention turned to you since it was a T.V. timeout and you blinked at him for a moment, wondering just how your night took a downturn so quickly. The bar was so low, and he managed to limbo under it.

“McDavid. Rookie mistake?” You blanched, propping your chin on your hand as you waited to see what kind of bullshit excuse he funneled at you. He stuttered over his words, and you were about to interject with a very well laid out explanation about how players were people and able to make mistakes without having their skill questioned. Plus, it was McDavid.

But then a hand landed casually on your shoulder, and your first instinct was to turn and face whoever decided it was a good idea to randomly touch with a scowl. Your frown only deepened when you spotted who it was, completely ignoring the choked noise Chris made.

Of course he had to show up on the one night you were on a date.

“Couldn’t hide from me forever.” Matt drawled easily, removing his hand from you and leaning against the edge of the tall table you were sitting at. You rolled your eyes, not at all surprised at the fact that he decided to start the first actual conversation you’ve had with him in weeks with a tease.

“I’ll try harder next time.” You stated dryly, taking a sip of your nearly empty drink and avoiding the gaze of both men around you. Well, Chris was too busy eyeing Matthew and puffing out his chest as if he was trying to assert his dominance. Please.

You didn’t get the appeal of Matthew. Sure, he was attractive and pretty good at hockey, not that you’d ever admit that to anyone, but he was a pest. He grew up next door to you, which meant the better part of your childhood was spent at the mercy of Matt’s teasing. You adored the rest of his family, you had a four-hundred and thirty-six day Snapchat streak with Taryn, a number seven Senators jersey hanging up in your closest, Chantal’s number was saved as ‘mama tkachuk’ in your phone, and you had once called Keith in a panic when you were sixteen and got a flat tire and your parents weren’t answering.

Matt had laughed at you when you stumbled walking across the stage at graduation.

You were not his biggest fan.

“Hot date?” Matt questioned, not even looking over to Chris who nodded the moment the words entered the air. You winced at the question, because you were technically on a date, but you weren’t exactly feeling it, especially after what had just transpired. But you would marry Chris on the spot if it meant annoying Matt.

“I’ll see you later.” You spoke through gritted teeth, plastering on a forced and obviously fake smile. Matt grinned at you, his mischievous look that you had seen a thousand times growing up that warned you that he was going to do something to get under your skin made warning alarms flash in your mind.

Your suspicions were proven correct when he reached a hand up to ruffle your hair before slipping back into the crowd. You pouted, glaring at his back until you couldn’t see his mop of curls anymore and turned to face Chris again. Your date was looking at you with an annoyed expression, one that was surely mirrored on your face but the only difference was his look was directed at you and yours was at Matthew for showing up out of nowhere.

“Are you okay—?” You barely got the question out before Chris was interrupting you. Again.

“You can’t talk to him if we’re going to see each other.” He stated, as if it was that easy.

It wasn’t as if you wanted to hang out with Matt, not since you hit middle school, but it would be a cold day in hell before some guy told you who you could and could not talk to.

“We’re neighbors, nothing will ever be going on there but our families are good friends. I literally have to talk to him whenever I go home.” You weren’t sure why you were explaining this to him, maybe a part of you wanted to see if he’d bactrack and apologize, even if the relationship was damaged beyond repair. Those hopes were squashed the moment he spoke next.

“Then I’m out.” And he was standing up, barely giving you a second look before he was headed towards the door.

It was pettiness that had you crossing the bar in search of the one person that you couldn’t stand to be around for an extended period of time. You had seen a whole new side of Chris in a matter of five minutes and a small part of you was glad that Matt interrupted and brought it out. Emphasis on small, though.

“You owe me a drink.” You nudged Matt’s shoulder, sliding in next to him at the bar. You didn’t care that you were interrupting his conversation with one of his teammates, you had just been dumped by the guy you’d been somewhat seeing for a few weeks because he couldn’t handle the idea of you knowing a NHL player. “Scared my date away because he didn’t like the fact that I talk to you.”

“I feel like I did you a favor, if he really is that insecure. We don’t even like each other.” He had waved down the bartender with a chuckle, ordering you a beer like the one he had clutched in his hand. It was seconds before the cool glass was set in front of you. Perks of being a hotshot hero in Calgary, you assumed.

“I’ll drink to that.” You clinked your bottle against his, taking a generous sip as Matt watched with an amused grin. He was leaning against the counter, his back now fully turned on his teammates. Clearly, he wasn’t planning on letting you finish your drink in peace.

“Mom told me you got your dream job, so tell me about it.”

“Like you care.” You rolled your eyes with a scoff. You were feeling especially bitter, and you were taking it out on Matt. To be fair, he was taking it all in stride, but you knew he was biding his time until he could make a joke.

“Try me.” Matt wasn’t a bad guy. Annoying, sure. A pain in your ass? Since the day you met. But you knew him better than most—begrudgingly, of course—and you could tell he was genuinely curious. He probably had plans to tease you about it later, you would put money on the fact, but with the way your night had turned out, you couldn’t find it in you to care.

“Fine, but just until I finish this drink and my Uber gets here.”

TWO

mama tkachuk: Hi sweetie! Keith and I are in town for the weekend and were wondering if you wanted to get dinner with us and Matt! Text me when you get a chance!

It was so unfair. How could Chantal be as sweet as she was and have produced a child like Matthew? You were so caught up in how kind her invitation was that you had agreed to meet up with them before it really set in that you would have to sit through a dinner with Matt.

You had arrived at the restaurant a few minutes later than the agreed upon time due to traffic, so everyone else was already at the table by the time you made it. Chantal was the first to jump up and greet you with a hug, Keith following after with a ‘how are you, kid’ and a tight squeeze. You shot Matt a tight-lipped smile, trying to remain civil infront of his parents, and he returned with his typical smug grin, though it was more subdued than usual as a result of sitting next to his mother.

“You always liked to be late.” Matt teased as you sat down. You rolled your eyes at him, annoyed but willing to let the comment slide for the sake of his parents.

“I don’t know why you guys bicker all the time, you used to tell us all the time that you were going to be a family someday. You guys even practiced with Taryn and Brady.” Chantal reminisced, and you smiled uneasily at the memory. It wasn’t necessarily an unpleasant one, some of your best memories took place in the Tkachuk living room. Back when you were kids, you and Matt were attached at the hip. Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum—if Matt was caught sticking his hand in the cookie jar you were right at his side reminding him to grab one for you too. This particular instance stuck out in your mind, though, because your mom teased you about it whenever she got the chance.

It was a rainy Saturday, Keith was out of town for hockey and your dad was at the office, which left the moms sitting in the kitchen chatting about whatever adults talked about. Taryn had just learned how to walk, which meant that she was trying to follow you around to the best of her ability, even if that meant watching from the sidelines as you played mini sticks with her brothers.

But after Matt had scored against you and Brady enough times, you declared that it was time for them to play your game—house. Taryn was your baby, and she happily filled the roll as she toddled behind you. Brady was your other son, and Matt was the dad. You played like that for an hour or so, Matt pretending to come home from road trips while playing in the NHL just like his father, only to help you pretend to cook dinner and put ‘the kids’ to bed.

At six years old, he was a dream pretend-father.

“I can’t help it if Matthew runs his mouth too much.” You chirped, and though you meant it in good fun there was some seriousness. Matt never knew when to quit, his comments more obnoxious than endearing most of the time. Though, he did have his moments, you were willing to admit. You knew he had your back when it came down to it, but he also would be the first one to crash your date and tell the guy you were with some embarrassing story about you from when you were seven.

He did that no less than three separate times when you were teenagers.

“Remember when they pretended to get married at like six? And Matt cried when I told him that he wasn’t actually her husband.” Keith nudged his wife with a grin, his statement earning a groan from Matt. You flushed, keeping quiet as the memory flashed in your head—the theme of the night, apparently.

It was a summer wedding, so to speak. Sometime during the offseason your family and the Tkachuks rented a lake house for a week and you spent the entire time racing from one activity to the next while clutching Matt’s hand. Your aunt had just gotten married, so weddings were on your mind and you decided you wanted a party like she had. Your choices for potential husbands were limited, Brady and Matt the only other boys close to your age. When Brady claimed that you had cooties and ran away, Matt was the only option left and it simply took the bribe of sharing your dessert with him after dinner for him to agree.

You had made paper rings and even forced Matt to fake propose to you, all while both your mothers looked on with camera’s clutched in their hands. You had claimed your unending love for Matt that day, and he had done the same. In an effort to tease you, your mom had said that he had to kiss the bride and you both looked at her like she was crazy—though he did end up pressing a quick and sloppy kiss to the back of your hand to appease her.

And then twenty minutes later he shoved you off the dock because you were too scared to jump in.

Matt was watching you as his mother told the story, chuckling as she added in anecdotes about how she and your mother had almost started planning your real wedding that day and similar comments. It was no secret that she was rooting for you to get together with her son, and even though Keith would try to get his wife to tone down her comments, you saw his smug grin every once on a while.

The rest of dinner and dessert passed by with minimal reminiscing, and soon enough the check was paid. Matt picked up the bill, and though you tried to argue that you could pay for yourself, Matt simply stuck his tongue out at you and Keith said that he would’ve paid for everyone if he had only been able to grab the check faster. You rolled your eyes at Matt’s childishness, but thanked Keith for his kindness despite the fact that he hadn’t even really done anything.

“So where did you park?” Chantal asked as the four of you stepped outside. The cold air made you shiver, and you used one hand to tighten your coat around you while the other gestured over your shoulder in the general direction of where your car was.

“Like three blocks away. It was pretty busy when I got here.” You replied. Chantal nodded, opening her arms for a hug you readily reciprocated.

“I’ll walk you. It’s way too late for you to go by yourself.” Matt spoke up, interrupting your goodbyes with his parents. He handed his keys off to his dad so they could wait in the car while he went with you, and because he simply couldn’t just be nice, he added his next comment. “You’d probably get lost if I don’t go with you.”

“Thanks, Matt.” You said sarcastically, the roll of your eyes coming almost naturally. There wasn’t room for you to argue, because Chantal was nudging you in the opposite direction she was headed to get to Matt’s car. Part of you wondered if she somehow planned this in an another attempt to get you to spend time alone with her son. You didn’t have time to think about it too much, between saying goodbyes and making plans to meet up when you went home for the holidays, you were rushing a bit to get out of the cold.

While you walked, Matt stayed quiet, something you didn’t realize he was capable of. Your hands were shoved deep into your coat pockets to try and stay warm, but you felt his arm brush against yours every once in a while.

“Thanks for coming tonight, mom loved it.” He was softer now, his voice devoid of any of its usual smugness.

“Are you kidding? I love your parents.” You teased, trying to figure out where this quiet side of Matt was coming from. It was the side of him that rarely came out, especially in front of the media and never on the ice, but it was the side that you got along with the best. You stopped at your car, turning to face Matt. “Thanks for walking me.”

“No problem. Uh, text me when you get home, or whatever. So I know you got there safe.” He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, a slight redness to his cheeks that caught you off guard. You nodded, unlocking your car and offering him one last smile and goodbye before climbing in.

You couldn’t help but grin to yourself as you drove home. He was trying.

THREE

You had the worst luck.

Firstly, the only flight you could get home for the holidays was a red-eye to try and save some money. Secondly, your parents were making you get a cab from the airport instead of coming to pick you up. It was fine, you were an adult and could handle both those things. You had long come to terms with it by the time you were settling into your seat as everyone boarded.

But third—

“No way am I this lucky.”

The sound of the familiar voice had you tilting your head back with a groan, not even bothering to look at the person who was dropping unceremoniously into the seat beside you. Though his curls were tucked under his hoodie and he was trying his best to remain undetected, his presence was one that you would recognize anywhere.

“I’m just really, really, unlucky.” You told Matt, and though your comment was a jab at him, he wore the same grin he always did.

“That’s mean.” He teased, reaching over to poke your side because of course he hasn't outgrown giving you jumper cables. You glared at him, momentarily pausing your efforts to dig through your bag in search of your headphones just so he knew how annoyed you were. Not that he cared, or that it ever really stopped him.

“Look, Matt, I’ve had a long day, and I was looking forward to just sleeping this whole flight.” You sighed, dragging a hand down your face in frustration.

“I’ll leave you alone, promise.” Matt grinned that stupidly smug grin of his.

Yeah, right. You thought, but kept the comment to yourself. It was better to let Matt think he won than invite him to keep going by replying. He grinned at you, simply miming zipping his lips shut as you rolled your eyes.

He lasted longer than you thought he would—ten minutes.

“I don’t know what you don’t like about me so much, it’s not the hockey thing, because you love Brady.” Matt spoke up, going so far as to pull your headphone out of your ear so you could hear him.

“Brady’s adorable and like a baby brother to me.” You said matter-of-factly, earning a snicker from Matt. “You chipped my tooth when we were twelve and then blamed it on me.”

“I’m sure he’ll be glad to hear that.” He snorted, and for a second you thought he’d leave it at that. He had succeeded in getting under your skin, just like he usually did. “And it was your fault. You weren’t paying attention.”

“You didn’t have to shoot the pucks at me that hard!” You frowned at the memory. You had offered to stand in goal for him while he practiced shooting, and though you were definitely not destined to play in the NHL like him, that didn’t stop him from acting as if he was taking part in the hardest shot competition.

Matt didn’t respond, instead he just shook his head with a grin. Clearly, he was more amused by the memory than you were.

He went back to leaving you alone, though he stole one of your headphones and placed it into his ear to listen. He scrunched his nose up at the song, and you rolled your eyes at the silent jab at your taste in music.

Eventually, you did end up falling asleep. When you woke up to Matthew shaking you gently, you realized that you had fallen asleep on his shoulder and that he was waking you since you had landed and people were starting to exit. You waited for the chirps to come about your subconscious action, knowing he probably had a few comments up his sleeve. Except, he didn’t say anything, only stood up to retrieve both of your carryon bags from the overhead storage.

Matt stuck by your side the entire time you got off the plane and headed to luggage claim, unable to help himself from chirping you at the fact you couldn’t find your suitcase. You poked your tongue out at him, admittedly a little juvenile on your behalf, when you spotted your bag come around the carousel. Before you could grab it, though, he snagged it and stuck his tongue out at you before departing into the airport in search of his parents. Now, you were forced to trail after him.

Your annoyance faded, though, when you heard Chantal call your and Matthew’s names. You smiled at the woman, who hugged her son quickly before turning and pulling you into her arms.

“Guess who I got to sit next to?” Matt chimed, sounding a bit too pleased with himself for your liking. You rolled your eyes, unable to help the tiny bit of amusement you felt at how excited Chantal looked at the idea that you had each other on the flight. You and Matt may both be adults, but to her, you were still toddlers that needed constant supervision and she loved the idea that you were there to watch after each other.

“Oh, that’s lucky!” Chantal cheered and you grit your teeth, forcing a smile on your face at the way Matt was grinning smugly at you. Okay, you figured it could have been worse, you could have been seated next to a creep, but you weren’t about to admit that to Matt.

“So lucky.” You muttered sarcastically. Thankfully, Matthew wasn’t given a chance to comment further on your response, as his dad spoke up before he could.

“Is your dad here? I got a new set of clubs I want to brag about.” Keith questioned and you shook your head with a genuine smile. Living next to a retired NHLer gave your dad plenty of opportunities to bring out his competitive side, and golf was definitely one of their favorite pastimes.

“No, he and mom couldn’t come to get me because they both had work.” You explained and Keith rolled his eyes in good fun. You always wondered how both families got along so well when you couldn’t stand Matt.

“Do you want a ride home then?” Chantal offered sweetly.

“That’d be great, thank you.” You were glad you wouldn’t have to worry about getting an Uber, and you didn’t feel as if you were crashing the Tkachuks’ time with their oldest son since as soon as you started to head to the car, Chantal fell in step with you.

“Oh, Matt, you’re being such a gentleman, carrying her suitcase for her.” Chantal gushed after having noticed that Matt had an extra bag and you didn’t have one. She shot you a look and you just knew this was only fueling her belief that you were destined to end up with Matt. She would probably mention it to your mother, and then you really never would hear the end of it.

“Didn’t know you had it in you.” Keith chirped, earning an eye roll from Matt and laughter from you and Chantal. It was all in good nature, the teasing comments a sign of love amongst the hockey family.

And really, you had no choice but to agree with Keith.

FOUR

“I need you to run next door and give this to Chantal.” Your mom told you, holding out a tray of holiday cookies. You sighed, reluctantly getting up from your spot on the living room couch. You weren’t doing anything, but the aspect of having to walk all the way next door was not totally appealing.

But you did as she said and stuffed on some shoes before heading next door and letting yourself in. Taryn was the first to greet you, taking the tray of cookies and leading you towards the kitchen. As soon as the platter was set down, you both helped yourself to a cookie.

“How’s Calgary? Is Matt showing up randomly to bug you?” She was teasing, but she was right. You laughed, nodding as you broke off a piece of your cookie to eat.

“He showed up while I was on a date, completely by chance, and ruined it.” You chuckled at the memory and at the way Taryn laughed loudly at that. It wasn’t entirely true, Chris was doing a pretty good job of ruining the date on his own, but Matt’s appearance was the final nail in the coffin.

“That’s because he's practically in love with you.” She spoke between giggles. You rolled your eyes, having heard the comment countless times before. It had followed you and Matt around since you were kids, and by the time you were thirteen it morphed from platonic love to your moms explaining what soulmates were to you guys. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t considered the idea of Matt having a thing for you, but you had long since given up on that idea.

You didn’t have time to comment on it, though, because speak of the devil, and he shall appear.

“What’re you guys talking about?” Matt marched into the room, a smug grin on his face. While he spoke, he reached across to where you were standing and broke off a piece of the cookie you were still eating. With a pout, you watched him pop your cookie into his mouth all the while eye contact with you and wearing a self-satisfied grin.

“Oh, just how you’re in love with each other.” Taryn said casually, her sentence punctuated by Matt choking on the cookie. Clearly, he was caught off guard.

“You deserved that, and no, we were not.” You told Matt as he tried to catch his breath. You couldn’t help the grin you were wearing, and for a brief second you acknowledged that he looked adorable all flustered. Matt shot a glare at his sister, who was laughing hysterically at him, and launched forward to dig his fingers into her sides.

You watched carefully as he tickled his sister mercilessly, preparing to make a break for the living room if he turned his attention to you. You were smiling, widely and genuinely, as you watched Matt mess around with his sister.

This was the Matt that you grew up best friends with.

As you were distracted, Matt let his sister go and she caught her breath while cursing him out and you let out a loud laugh at some of the creative things she said. She certainly was from a hockey family.

But then Matt turned his attention to you, a wicked grin on his face and a playful look in his eyes. Your own eyes went wide, and as soon as he took half a step towards you, you spun on your heel and dashed out of the kitchen.

You heard him chasing after you, but you didn’t risk looking back knowing that if you even wanted a chance to outrun him you would need to stay focused. And as you took a particularly sharp turn into the other room, you heard him crash into the wall, clearly not as agile as he thought he was.

“Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Tkachuk! I brought cookies from Mom!” You greeted with a laugh as you sprinted past Keith and Chantal in the hallway. You barely had time to register their looks of amusement before you felt Matt’s fingers brush your back, signaling that he was close to grabbing you.

“Don’t hurt her, we like her more than you!” Keith called after you, teasing Matt and catching him off guard enough that he stumbled, and you were able to put some distance between you and him. You were laughing maniacally, the sound mixing with Matt’s chuckles and Taryn encouraging you to run faster.

Eventually, you made it to the living room, and you spotted Brady’s head poking up behind the back of the couch as he watched some rerun hockey game. You know it’s a longshot that Matt will give up and that you need to bite the bullet and let him catch you, but your stubbornness is what makes you throw yourself over the back of the couch, your head landing in the lap of a very confused and surprised Brady.

“Protect me.” You order, grabbing the younger Tkachuk brother’s bicep as Matt leaned over the back of the couch, his curls wild and grin wicked. For a second, there was a softness in his eyes that made your heart skip a beat, but then he was back to being smug.

“Brady can’t stop me.” Matt teased, leaning against the back of the couch. Brady didn’t comment, though he rolled his eyes at his brother. It was an argument that had been going on for a decade or so—which brother was stronger? And though they wrestled from time to time, Brady being victorious more often than he used to be, you knew they would never actually fight. You had been there when Keith made them shake heads and promise not to drop the gloves the first time they played each other.

“He’s taller.” You argued, and Matt chuckled as he made his way around the couch. You watched as he lifted your legs, dropping into the spot on the couch they once occupied before resting your limbs across his lap.

“Doesn’t matter.” He replied, giving your shin a squeeze as he spoke. You rolled your eyes, getting comfortable in your spot laying across the Tkachuk brothers and turning to watch the Blues vs. Stars game Brady had put on.

It felt nice to laugh with Matt again. It was as if things were back to normal, and you tried to ignore the funny fluttering feeling in your stomach as his thumbs brushed back and forth along your legs. You hated it, because it was Matt, and you had long since declared that you couldn’t stand him. And yet, there you were, melting under his touch.

“Oh, come on, you’re not going to attack her?” Taryn complained as she dropped into the free chair on the other side of the room. You stuck your tongue out at her, smiling at the sound of Matt’s chuckles. You were going to make a comment about how she was supposed to be on your side in response, but Brady was faster, and his words—for whatever reason—made any reply die on your tongue.

“It’s because he’s in love with her.”

AND ONE MORE

You hated the fact that you weren’t able to sleep. But even more so, you hated the fact that you knew exactly why you couldn’t get your mind to turn off. You couldn’t stop thinking about how sweet Matt had been earlier in the day, and though you knew he always had a soft spot for his sister, for some reason this time it was hitting you differently. Plus Taryn and Brady’s ‘he’s in love with you’s were bouncing around your head.

Finally, after what felt like the hundredth time you had tossed around under the covers, you sat up and snagged your phone off of the nightstand. You sat up, unlocking your phone and opening messages and before you could really think about stopping yourself you typed out a text and sent it.

Only after the message was sent and you couldn’t do anything about it, did you reread what you said and check the time. You couldn’t help but cringe at the one in the morning ‘hey, are you up?’ text that seemingly glared back at you. But then the three dots appeared that signaled that he was typing, and you quickly slid out of the conversation so he wouldn’t think you were waiting for his text. You were, and though he responded within a minute, you didn’t want to give his ego that extra boost.

matthew: usually I’m the one that sends that text

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes, having expected him to say something along those lines. You had practically handed that joke to him. Before you could type out a reply telling him to forget about it, your phone buzzed again with another text.

matthew: front door is unlocked, meet in the basement for a movie?

He was giving you a choice. You could go to bed and pretend this never happened and continue to tell everyone around you that the only thing you felt for Matt was annoyance. But you didn’t. You knew that you might regret it, but you slipped out of bed and tugged on a pair of leggings and a hoodie over your sleepshirt. Shoving on a pair of shoes, you tip-toed outside and to the house next door. It felt a little ridiculous, you were an adult, sneaking around to visit a boy like a teenager. But, you were quiet, and made sure you didn’t make any noise as you slipped down the stairs.

“Why am I sneaking around here like we’re fourteen again?” You teased as soon as you saw Matt already on the couch as he flipped through movie options. For a reason unbeknownst to you, your heart skipped a beat in your chest and your breathing stuttered as you cataloged just how attractive he looked in something as casual as a hoodie and sweats, how suddenly you wanted to run your fingers through his curls that definitely needed a hair treatment.

“I don’t want my family to know you’re here because then I’d have to share.” He teased, snapping you out of your thoughts and opening his arms to silently ask you to cuddle him. You hesitated for a moment, because that was not something you usually did except for maybe when you were three, but decided to throw caution to the wind and curled yourself into his side, your head resting on his shoulder. Besides, you didn’t usually text him at one in the morning either, so precedent was already out the window.

As soon as you settled into him, he draped the blanket that had been folded over the back of the couch over both of your legs. You blushed at the thoughtful action, but tried to hide the flush of your cheeks by staring straight ahead at the television.

“What are we watching?” You found your voice after a moment. When Matt didn’t respond right away, you turned to face him to find him already watching, a small smile on his face and a gentle look in his eyes. For the second time that night, you felt your breath catch in your throat, and it was only the surprised look on your face that had him snapping out of it.

“Oh, uh, you can pick.” He handed the remote to you, and you raised a brow at his odd behavior. You reached a hand up, pressing the back of your hand to his forehead as if to check his temperature with a confused look on your face.

“Are you feeling okay? You must be sick, if you’re letting someone else choose the movie.” You teased, grinning when Matt laughed, swatting your hand away and tugging you closer all in the same movement.  

“I’ve been thinking—” He started, but after having grown up with hockey players, you were quick to think up a chirp.

“Are you sure you’re okay then?” You teased, enjoying the warm feeling you got when you heard his laugh. He had your back pressed to his front, so you were facing the television and couldn’t see whatever the look on his face was.

“Would you just let me talk for a minute?” He chuckled and you felt the vibrations in his chest from where you were cuddled against him. And though he was teasing you, there was a softness to his tone that had you nodding, still facing forward. “I kinda sucked when we were teenagers.” He confessed, and you couldn’t help but laugh at him. Though, holding true to your word, you stayed quiet and let him talk. “I was a preteen boy that didn’t know how to act around you and ended up making an idiot of myself.” You knew there probably was a deeper meaning to his words, but you weren’t ready to dive into that and he kept going. “And then we were fifteen and you were in love or whatever with Tommy Banner and I was jealous. And then you broke up but I had to go away for hockey and I don’t regret that, but I do regret not making things better with you before I left.”

His confession hung in the air for a moment as you processed his words. He threw a lot of information at you at once, and you cringed momentarily at the memory of your first ‘serious’ relationship.

See, the thing was, as much as you talked up your annoyance at Matthew, he had always been your person. You fake married the guy for a reason, even if you didn’t really know the implications of your actions way back then. You knew what marriage looked like from your parents and Matt’s, and you wanted that for yourself. You wanted that with Matt. He was your first real crush, and those never really go away. Or at least, yours didn’t.

But once you were teenagers, you stopped pining after your neighbor, a seemingly unattainable goal, and started hanging out with other people. You and Matt started to drift, and then eventually his teasing comments always seemed to be directed towards whatever guy you were seeing, thus making you grow contempt for him.

But now, he was showing his softer side, and those feelings from when you were younger resurfaced as he confessed that he felt the same. You couldn’t deny that you felt something when his hand brushed against you or when he grinned at you—no matter how self-satisfied he looked.

Suddenly you became aware that you had been silent for a moment too long, and you sat up straighter and turned to face Matt. He was studying you, and for the first time in as long as you could remember—except maybe that one time in eighth grade when he asked you to go to the school dance with him because he wanted to make his mom happy—he looked unsure of himself. It was an emotion that didn’t sit right on his face, and as often as you complained about his teasing, you much preferred his shit-eating grin.

“It’s your turn to talk now.” He joked, trying to lighten the mood but only succeeding partly since the breathy chuckle he gave at the end told you he was nervous.

Before you could help yourself, you had cupped his face with both your hands and pulled him forward to connect your lips to his. It took him a second to relax under your touch, but as soon as he realized what was happening, he grabbed your elbow to hold you in place.

When you felt his tongue swipe at your lips you knew you had to pull away before you got too caught up in him, which you knew you would, and you separated. His grin was wide, a little smug like usual, but mostly he was looking adoringly at you.

“I thought you hated me?” He teased, because it’s Matt and of course he would. You rolled your eyes, willing to admit that you had set him up with that one.

“Don’t push your luck, Tkachuk.” You pecked his lips once more, wondering why you had waited so long to do so. If he had been telling the truth, and you knew he was, then he had been crushing on you as long as you had been on him.

“Yes ma’am.” He joked, mock saluting while leaning towards you to chase after your lips for another kiss. You complied, but then pressed a hand on his chest to lean back enough to give him a serious look.

“And if this is going to work, you have to stop being such a pest all the time. Tone it down a bit.” He nodded, grin widening at the mention of your relationship moving past the night. You smiled at him, leaning up to give him one more kiss before settling back into his side. “And I still get to pick the movie.”

Matt chuckled, but didn’t argue. Instead, he settled for pressing a kiss to the top of your head. He let this arm fall from around your shoulders to your waist, and you knew without looking at him that he was wearing a satisfied grin.

“Who’s going to tell our moms that they were right about us?” He spoke up after a moment, and you chuckled. You were as stubborn as Matt was, and neither of you were too excited to admit to anyone that you had been wrong about the fact that you’d end up with each other. You were even certain that Brady, Keith, and Taryn had a running bet about when you and Matt would get together.

As it turns out, neither of you would have to, because you fell asleep together on the couch and Chantal was the first to find you cuddled into her son's chest.

Just like she knew you always would.

#Matthew Tkachuk #Matthew tkachuk imagine #Matthew tkachuk imagines #Matthew tkachuk x reader #hockey imagine #NHL imagine #calgary flames #calgary flames imagine

[captaincvans]

Chapter 6: Welcome Home

03/16/20

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Word Count: 2067+

Warnings: Language; TW: Mentions of Miscarriage

Series Masterpost

A/N: Here we are! We’re at the end. Thank you for everyone who followed me on this journey, and I truly hope you enjoyed this mini-series!

The rest of the night was restless for Chris. He brainwashed himself into thinking Y/N was an awful person for the last few months, and he spent hours asking himself if this was a one-time mistake or if he just wasn’t the right person for her. He loves her, he knows that, but this is no longer a matter of love. Their love has been tested and boiled down to trust, and that trust has evaporated. Y/N would have a hard time trusting him again, if she ever could trust him again. And Chris was left with the fear of never being able to commit. He shared many times to his friends, family, and the media of how much he wanted to settle down and start a family, but there is a reason why it never happened. His fear of being trapped into this one thing, one label - actor, husband, father - it had consequences. He would never define himself as just an actor, he would share a plethora of himself with others before mentioning that he acts. To him, it was his job and not his identity. But marriage, fatherhood, that was an identity. Being in the media for so long, no matter how thick of a skin you have, you start losing a piece of yourself to the headlines and assumptions. And that was Chris’s biggest fear. He didn’t want to lose his identity to how people perceive him because he’s not just a “pretty boy” or “Captain America”, he was just Chris Evans, but he doesn’t know who Chris Evans is.  

Chris woke up to the sun, his body reacting quickly when he saw the time on his nightstand. 

9:13AM

He jumped out of his bed, quickly heading to the bathroom, putting on whatever clothes he could find. His night was restless, he tossed and turned until finally sleeping at 4AM, and why he woke up so late. He jumped to his car, breaking a few rules to get there before 9:30AM. He rushed in, automatically looking at their usual seat by the window, and his heart fell when he saw other patrons there. Fuck, he cursed at himself for waking up so late. He was about to pull out his phone when he saw a familiar outline by the back at the booth. 

“Y/N?” he called, slowly approaching her as she looked up. 

“Hey, I wasn’t sure if you were gonna come at all.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I slept really late last night, and missed my alarm clock.”

“It’s fine. I ordered your usual.” 

“Thank you.”

“Well? Are you gonna sit down?”

He flushed red, quickly making his way to the seat in front of her. Chris’s heart soared when he saw the slight amused smile on her face. 

Before the awkward silence could settle in or more of Chris’s admissions of guilt, Y/N spoke first. “How have you been holding up, Chris?” 

“I- I’m fine! Really fine- I mean compared to-”

She shook her head, silencing him. “Are you well?”

He knew that was the question she asks when she knows he’s lying. It was a more intimate question. Asking him for vulnerability, and to assure that this was a safe place. “I’m,” he paused, trying to gather his thoughts and actually assess his feelings. He counted five seconds backwards, pausing to find his physical self amongst the hustle and bustle of the hectic life of the past few months. “I’ve been better, that’s for sure. Honestly, I’m trying to make it up to you. I feel awful for what I’ve done, and I’m going to therapy again! I want to be better, if not for you, then for me.” 

Y/N smiled, hearing the last few words, nodding in approval. “I’m so glad to hear that, Chris. I really am. Has the dust settled? Trial stuff is over with?”

“Yea, the last of the paperworks has been submitted last week.”

“Wow. I find it hard to imagine that the trial was a month ago.” Y/N shook her head fondly, memories of the last few weeks zooming through her head. 

“H-How have you been?”

“Good. Similar to yours. I’m going to therapy again as well, but overall I’m doing better than the last time you saw me.”

“That’s good.” Chris hesitantly looked at her stomach which she took notice. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Um- Th- The baby?” 

Y/N deflated and Chris nearly slapped himself for asking. “I had a miscarriage quite early on.”

“I’m so sorry.”

She shrugged, gnawing on her bottom lip. Despite having worked on this particular topic for the last month twice a week with her therapist, it was something she still found hard to talk about. 

“I’m sorry that you had to go through the miscarriage alone,” Chris said quietly. 

“When the media found out about the investigation, I found myself feeling so relieved that I had lost the baby… I don’t know what kind of person that makes me, but I can’t imagine going through that on top of a pregnancy.” 

Chris nodded, agreeing that a pregnancy would make her already hard life much more difficult at that time. 

“I grappled with a lot of guilt after that, feeling bad that I was feeling relieved. Then I lost my job, and I was even more grateful because I would not have been able to afford the necessary things for the baby- especially with how I was still making payments to John.” 

He continued nodding, listening intently to her feelings as he wanted to make sure he knew the reality of her life in the last eight months. 

“The media really was just the worst of it all, y’know? Well- I’m sure you know since you had to deal with it for your whole career, but I lost my job because of them… and now- Now I can’t even go out without feeling anxious. I’m so scared of going out, and being hounded like that.” Just the thought of going out with the flashing cameras gave her flashbacks of having cameras shoved in her face, people bombarding all around her, not even giving her the room to move. 

“I’m really sorry, Y/N. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. I’m sorry I let my insecurities and stupid brain get in the way of us.” 

“I think it all worked out for the best.” She didn’t say it maliciously, she loved him too much to say things for the sake of hurting him. It was the honest truth, and she knew Chris would agree that this was for the best. 

Chris nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. He knew it worked out for the best, his therapist told him that this would’ve been the best outcome. If this whole ordeal didn’t happen, they would’ve gotten married, and Chris would let his feelings of insecurity and being trapped fester to the point where it might get messier. He was silent for a few seconds, breaking it with a question that he didn’t know he wanted the answers to. “Would you ever consider being with me again?”

“I- I honestly never thought about it. What do you think will happen?”

“What do you mean?”

“If we get back together?” 

“I-I don’t know. I never really thought it through either.” 

“I’m sorry, Chris, but you may be a romantic, but I’m a realist. If we do somehow get back together, I think there’ll be a huge rift between us. You will never trust me, and I will never believe that you would trust me completely. What about the next time we fight? I can’t say that you wouldn’t pull out the same words you did that night. Any big decisions we make will have that looming tension because of the difference in our finances.” 

“We’ll talk it out-”

“Like we talked it out when you thought I was stealing money from you?”

“We’ll go to couple’s therapy. We can work this out-”

“Chris, don’t you get it?” 

“I know it isn’t fair to ask, but why won’t you give us another try?”

“Because I’m scared! Our-Our breakup nearly killed me,” she said quietly. “I don’t want that dependency ever again, and it wasn’t just about the breakup. The person you became in those months you were detaching yourself, the person I became, it just scared me. To think I could let those feelings of inadequacy and awkwardness build up for so long because I was afraid to lose you- because I was not ready or prepared at the possibility of not having you in my life. That- That is something I never want to feel. I loved you, Chris, so much, and I still love you, but you can’t be my entire life. I need to be able to live without you.” 

Chris sighed, not of disappointment because he was feeling everything but that. He was so proud to hear of Y/N’s wisdom, it was a quality he always adored and respected in her. She wouldn’t give his bullshit a pass, but she never made it seem like a black and white problem. There was a complexity that they both understood in being human, and the problems that come with it. He understands the breakup was still his fault, and right now there was no way they could go back to being in a relationship despite their love for one another. “Y/N… Do you- Do you hate me?” Chris asked genuinely. He was surprised at the idea that despite how much he hurt her that she was willing to forgive and love him, and he wanted to know if there was even a part of her that would hate him.

“Chris.” She put her hand on the hand that rested idly on the table. “For the last several months, I’ve cried, I’ve yelled, I’ve thrown things. I was so frustrated at you- I was so angry that you wouldn’t listen to me- I was upset that you never gave me a chance. But never- never did I hate you. In that same lens, I was frustrated with myself- I was angry, and I was upset at myself because despite everything you said, and how much you hurt me- using my insecurities against me, I still love you. These past three years that I’ve been with you, I have loved you more than the day before, so much so that I would be able to say that I loved you for your past, current, and future. It would take a lot more than your projection of your own insecurity and fear to stop me from loving you.” 

He let out the breath he was holding, gazing into her eyes to see the sincerity and love that was still there despite everything she’s been through. Chris shook his head in awe at the amazing person in front of him. He chuckled, shaking his head. “I’m a goddamn fool to let you go.” 

She laughed alongside him. “Yes- yes, you are a meatball. But hey, we’re all meatballs at one point in our lives. That’s why second chances are a thing.” 

The two parted ways, having made no commitments to ever seeing each other again, but knowing their paths will cross again, even if it’s just a few supportive messages between friends. Chris knew how important it was to work on himself, and he knew better to try getting back together when he had yet to make any attempts to fix the problem. Y/N happily enjoyed her distance from him and the media. She never deserved his anger, never deserved the last few months of all that’s happened, and she knows that. She always knew that. What makes it complicated is the amount of love she held for him- the empathy, compassion, and understanding she’s showed him despite everything awful he did to her. She never thought it was a bad thing to forgive him so quickly, because she knew it was for her peace of mind more than it was for him. She was thankful for the love they shared, and more importantly the love they still share for one another. Afterall, it was because of their love for each other that they knew innately what the other needed even with such distance between them, but it was time they focus that love on themselves.

<– (Chapter 5)

- Tag List -

@lost-in-t-h-e-abyss @vogueworthy-barnes @hista-girl @tfandtws @aletteredaffair @traceyaudette @lupine-princess @songforhema @stella2445 @coffeebooksandfandom @qrndevans @straightforwardly @cesarofangirl78 @buckybarneslove76 @kaithezaftig  @evanstush @ownerofthebastard @jadedhillon @ka-x-in @lili-ann-love @bulldozed88 @dolan-mendes @jeleners1430 @yougurt-con-avena @fandomoneshots-imagines @patzammit @ramblingsnfandom @beanthedoggo @luckylightfiction @luckyfiction17 @chrisevanssleeping @snave-sirhc @gemgemswift @firstangeldragonranch @hiddlesbitch1 @virtualmemmecollector @heladoom @crimeshowtrash @notyourtypicalrose @peach-acid @uneniffler @cloudyskylines @simmisblog @shikshinkwon @queenkronk @aubageddon91 @thefandomzoneisdangerous @the-soulofdevil @lizblinder @what-is-your-wish @natdrunk @capsiclesdoll @genesgoingtohamslam @kapokipa666 @mom—nicole @cltex84 @star-spangled-steve @sassyspacedust @dlb113 @bojabee @iwik3it @samsebsblog @friyak1 @multireality @joannie95 @mrsfox79 @lady-x-red @princess-evans-addict @aria253264 @fallenoutofrose @bitchwhytho @frencchfries @shmara100 @honeymarvelz @jilybeanz @saiyanprincessswanie @chi00072 @youaremyfiveever @madisonpillstrom @13-reasons-ideas @christocrave @impairedmuse @itsallyscorner @bellaireland1981 @icanfeelastormbrewing @thereisatardison221bbakerstreet @sweet--rabbit @samsebsblog @stilltoomuchafangirl @kaetastic @sweetlittlegingy @bigbandbombshell @mishagreenleaf  @shannon124 @the-wayward-robot

#Chris Evans #chris evans x reader #chris x reader #Chris Evans fandom #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans oneshot #josephine writes #steve rogers x reader #marvel fanfiction

[nightmare-fantasia]

Fanservice and the Ani/Manga Industry

{Going to be putting this under Read more because of reasons. Mainly I have NO idea how long this rant will be. Just that it may or may not get a little heated. XD}

{So yeah. Fanservice. People either love it or hate it. I personally hate it as I have found it rather problematic over the past few years. The main issue I have noticed is it lends itself to people shipping minors with adults. Which is gross. I should not have to extrapolate on that. But it has happened and it really disappoints me that we as a society still accept things like this. None of it is okay whatsoever. 

Another gripe about fanservice is character design. If a female character is large breasted AT LEAST have it proportional to their body. 

Take Seri here from K Project. This is fanservice at it’s worst. The outfit, and the large breasts do nothing for her. Her body proportions are WAY out of wack. And for fucks sake at least let the poor woman wear shorts or leggings under that short ass dress. 

Admittedly with Chris from Symphogear here I am a bit biased, but at least the breasts here are more proportionate to her body and actually somewhat make sense. Of course Japanese school girl uniforms are inherently sexist in my opinion but that’s a rant for another day. Once again Symphogear is a favorite series of mine so I do have a bias, but I am more than willing to admit that the character design in it can be considered problematic in its own ways. At the very least here Chris looks like a fairly normal human while Seri is just... Eugh. 

Of course male characters are no different, in a sense that it can lead to people having ridiculously high standards for how a teenage boy should look. Let’s be real. Unless they are an athlete or some sort of super solider or what have you no 16 year old boy has a 6 or fucking 8 pack. It’s unrealistic and people need to realize that body shaming does not just happen to woman, it can and will happen to men too. Fanservice also leads to double standards that are impossible to reach. Like if you really want to draw women with big boobs, don’t be a fucking coward and make it proportionate. We need more thick girls and not just muscular ones. As someone who’s struggled all her life with weight issues their needs to be more chubby characters for positivity. That it’s okay not to be a size 0 or whatever and that no one will call you fat because you can’t really fit into normal size skinny jeans.

At the end of the day, all I really want is for fanservice to stop sexualizing minors because it’s fucking gross. And for the ani/manga industry to start embracing body positivity more. That whatever your body shape is no one should judge you for it. As long as you’re happy in your own body then nothing else should matter. Of course, more LGBT+ representation would be great, but that’s a whole other issue in itself. With large industries such as ani/manga sometimes you really do have to take baby steps.}

#{outofanguish} #{The Oddball Speaks} #{Okay to reblog} #{Tbh this probably could have been worded better but it's late and i needed to get this off my chest} #one-leaf-grimoire #{If people could reblog this I would appreciate it because I feel like this needs to be talked about}

[et-lesailes]

controversy

pairing: chris evans x reader

themes: light angst

word count: 1670

summary: dating chris evans while being a celebrity yourself, you are strongly encouraged to make choices that will benefit your public image. when chris’ latest movie tanks with the critics, your manager insists that one of these choices be breaking up with him.

taglist: @viarogers, @evanstush, @chibi-crazy, @chalamet-evans, @world-of-losers,@songforhema  @sebabestianstan101 @tanyam93 @b-val1@wonderwinchester@little-miss-exo​ @poerebel @bitchbabes-world @gogomez-509

note: requested by @immajustreadwritereblog // thank you for waiting, love! i actually really liked this request because i have a lot of strong feelings and opinions on the rsdr drama and so i had a lot of muse writing this. also, to anyone reading this- if you’re like me and hate sad endings (yes i’m a hypocrite for hating them yet writing one anyways ok i know), let me know if you’d like to see a part 2 ;)

** please send an ask if you would like to be added to my taglist of any chris evans related fics!

You sighed as your eyes skimmed what felt like the thirtieth article you were receiving via text that day, too tired and upset to properly read it. Your manager was spamming you with messages, insisting you call her, but you did not have the strength. You knew everything she was going to tell you; you had been in the business long enough to know how it all worked. It was no secret that the Hollywood life was twisted underneath all of the extravagant parties, lavish mansions and penthouse homes, and exotic vacations. You and your boyfriend weren’t very caught up in that life, anyways-- the two of you were much more simple, enjoying your time in your apartment with his dog, Dodger, and taking trips to visit his family in Boston-- nothing grandiose. Unfortunately, that did not mean you could avoid the gossip, scandal, and pressure that came from being a celebrity.

“Break up with him. You can get back together with him later, when this all blows over, but you can’t afford bad publicity right now. Not with your new movie coming up.”

You’ve read the message from your manager over and over again, feeling disgusted for several reasons. Not just from her suggestion, but because of the fact that this is the life you’re associated with. You chose this life, you chose to deal with these consequences.

You closed your eyes for a few seconds before finally looking at the article more properly. “Netflix’s Red Sea Diving Resort gives Chris Evans a white savior complex,” the title blared, making your eyebrows furrow in annoyance. However, the current problem in your relationship was not because of your image potentially getting ruined due to being in a relationship with the man now surrounded by controversy.

The current problem was that ever since the movie and its negative reviews, Chris had been a different person. The man who used to be constantly smiling, joking around, and showering you with love and affection 24/7 was now far more reserved and quiet, his eyes having lost their slightly mischievous twinkle. You completely understood. As an actress, you knew how difficult it was to be passionate about a project only to have it completely tank; it was especially difficult for Chris because of how hard on himself he was. He was selective with the roles he played-- he picked the ones that stood out to him, that meant something to him rather than going for anything that would give him more fame and success. You remembered how intrigued he had been by Red Sea Diving Resort when he had first heard of the idea, you remembered how excited he was to learn of the conflict and culture and how he hoped he could bring more awareness and meaning to it on the screen. You completely understood why he would act differently, and you understood why he might be slightly distracted from your relationship.

But it had been nearly an entire month since the movie was released, and you still felt as though you hadn’t had a proper conversation with your boyfriend in the same amount of time. You were not exactly happy about this; as his girlfriend, you wanted Chris to be able to communicate with you, to be able to let you help him when he was struggling. You were understanding in the beginning, but it was becoming too much now. You did not want to break up with him for the sake of your image, but rather for the sake of your own sanity. You missed having your best friend, but if he was not going to let you be his best friend, then did you have a choice?

One more chance.

You decided you would give him one more chance. Whether you were doing this to be fair or because you couldn’t let go, you didn’t know, but you didn't want to think about it deeper.

He walked into the apartment back from the gym and you looked up, your heart already stinging. In the past, he would have come straight to you, scooping you up roughly in his arms only to playfully bounce you around and tell you something silly along the lines of, “I like using you for lifting much better than weights, baby girl!” But now, he just came over with a mumbled hello, giving you a somewhat distracted kiss on the head before going into the bedroom.

You took a deep breath, forcing yourself to be patient. Coming over to the bedroom, you asked gently, “How was the gym?”

“Hm? Oh, it was good.”

“What’d ya work on today?”

“Oh, just arms and abs. Nothing special.”

“Are you free tonight? Maybe we could go out, get dinner or ice cream or something, it’s been a while…”

“Ah, I really wish I could babe, but I’m kind of tired today. I’m probably going to call it a night pretty early. But you should go out with some friends or something, maybe see if--”

“Are you serious, Chris?”

You finally snapped, nothing but misery and annoyance in your eyes as you looked at him. He blinked, clearly more concerned now as he straightened up from where he had been lounging on the bed. “What, baby?” he asked with a frown, and you scoffed, feeling tears stinging at your eyes simply from all the built up stress and frustration from the past month. “Are you really that oblivious? You’re seriously blind to the fact that we’ve practically been nothing more than roommates these days? When’s the last time you’ve even kissed me and meant it?”

He sighed deeply, running his fingers through his hair. “Look, you know it’s nothing to do with you. I’ve just been feeling a little stressed lately. The media’s really been killing me over here, doll.”

If he had told you this a couple of weeks ago, you would have felt sympathy, but not now. “The media’s been killing you for four weeks now, Chris, and I get it. It sucks. But I’m your girlfriend, you’re allowed to vent to me about this stuff, you’re allowed to tell me how you feel! Do you really think shutting yourself in like this and keeping quiet is going to do anything? You used to be so open with me, does that need to change because of a setback?” You sat down next to him, trying to blink back tears; you hated that you cried when you were angry, it really took away from trying to take charge of the situation. “We’re actors, Chris. This kind of thing happens, you know that. And it’s awful, and it makes us feel crappy, but we’re in it together now. You’ll bounce back from this because you’re an amazing and talented actor and you have fans who know that.” You sniffed as you looked away, talking softly, “You have every right to be upset about the situation. But you had no right to toss me aside in the process.” He seemed heartbroken as he listened to you, which only hurt you even more, but you ignored it as you stood up.

“Did you know my manager’s been nagging me to dump you for the past few weeks? Because of how Red Sea Diving Resort turned out?” You scoffed bitterly as you looked away, crossing your arms over your chest. “I could never, ever break up with you for something so shallow. You mean way more to me than some dumb Rotten Tomatoes review. But this, Chris? Ignoring me, shutting me out, wallowing in your self pity-- I think these things are all pretty good reasons as to why I should listen to my manager and end it.” You knew your words were harsh, but perhaps that was what he needed. A slap in the face, like reality often dealt out.

You looked back to him. He was quiet, there was pain  in his eyes. You waited, but he did not say anything. Making a soft noise of disappointment and disgust, you turned around, going into the closet and grabbing a bag, starting to throw clothes inside. This seemed to stir something within him; he immediately stood up with wide eyes, coming over and taking hold of your shoulders. “Baby, please. No. Fuck, I-- fuck, babe, I’m sorry. I’m so, so fucking sorry. You’re completely right.” He turned you around so that you were facing him, nothing but guilt and sorrow in his blue orbs. “And I should have realized it earlier. I don’t know what got into me baby, I’ve just been so damn worked up over this, everything else slipped away…”

His apology meant a lot, but you still couldn’t help but feel betrayed from all the built up tension. “And what if it’s too late for an apology?” you whispered, looking up at him with tears in your eyes. “What if the damage has been done?”

He looked down at you, his own eyes tearing up as he shook his head. “Please. No. No, baby, don’t leave me, I’m done sulking, I’m done being a fucking baby about this. I didn’t even fucking realize how bad it was, I know that sounds dumb but I was so caught up in all of the Red Sea shit. I know that’s not an excuse, but please, please baby, forgive me..”

You took a deep breath, wiping at your eyes. “I need some time, Chris, you really hurt me over the past month. I’ve made the mistake of giving the wrong people a second chance, and I need to think about if you’re the right person.” You could feel your heart tear apart as you saw a tear roll down his cheek; standing on your tiptoes, you wiped his tears as you kissed his cheek. “I’ll call you, alright? I.. I still love you, Chris. I just need time.”

With that, you took your packed bag and walked out of the apartment, forcing yourself not to look back at the love of your life’s face.

#chris evans imagine #chris evans #chris evans fic #chris evans angst #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you

[peacefulwriter88]

Never Good Enough - Chapter 7

Sebastian Stan x PoC, Chris Evans x PoC

You randomly go on a blind date, set up by your friend Anthony, with Sebastian Stan. Due to the awkward interaction you are convinced that the date ends badly due to your cultural background.

When you run into him years later, can he re-win your heart?Warnings: M for Mature (language per usual and like PG 13 stuff for this chapter)

Warnings: M for Mature (language per usual and like PG 13 stuff for this chapter)

A/N: Okay firstly I want to re-iterate that I am not anti-Margarita. If you are do your thing but I’m not looking for women hating on women on this website. I am writing this for the sake of my FICTIONAL world so don’t look too much into it.

Sebastian inserts the key into his apartment, giving a relieved sigh as he walks into the large space.

Home.

It felt like a lifetime and yet he couldn’t even relieve in it – knowing that he was still expected to continue on with the press tour. It was New York, then L.A. and then it would be over. He had a few weeks off before he would jump into another project and the idea frustrated him.

He was running out of time.

He had thought long and hard about what Anthony had told him in the elevator three weeks back. Couldn’t process that you didn’t know that he was into you, or that he wouldn’t be into you because you were a woman of color. Why did that matter? Sure, his track record didn’t demonstrate that he had dated many women who weren’t…..well if he was going to be frank with himself white. But not because that was what he preferred. Just what he always somehow ended up dating.

Had he really left that bad of impression with you last time that you thought that little of him? No wonder you hated him – in your head you thought he found you so unattractive you had willing gone out to make out with someone else on top of just plain ditching you for the date you were in.

That realization had him thinking long and hard about his actions – what that meant in his personal life. Who the hell he was becoming.  

So while he contemplated this, he had slowly been losing you. He was a processor, everyone knew that, except probably you. But as a result of trying to figure out how to address his actions that had left such a sour mark on you, Chris was winning over your heart by the day. He had worked fast. He had missed breakfast with you the last few weeks, only finding out through a loose text from Mackie, that you would meet them at the interview. Meet them there because Chris was the one treating you out to breakfast. Lunch was monopolized by Mackie, who because of the hectic and crazier schedule the tour had become as it inched closer to the movie release date, had to be around. He always sent a text apologizing but he was relieved – you were either preoccupied with work or Chris texts that he barely could get a word in. He had hoped to make up for it on the flight out here, leaving for Spain, but instead Chris had switched his flight plans so he could sit next to you. He had to deal with the two of you laughing, chatting and cuddling for a full 12 hours flight.

Karma was serving him a hot, steamy dish of fuck off and he couldn’t even be pissed about it because he deserved it and that shit was even more infuriating.

He places his keys in his ceramic bowl, making his way to his fridge. He knows there’s nothing inside, outside of sparkling water and condiments and sighs as he closes it, pressing his head against the cool metal.

He needed to run. He had been sitting down for 12 hours, he had a lot of energy and he needed to clear his head. Then he could move from there.

He changed quickly, slipping into his old Rutgers shirt and a pair of baggy shorts before grabbing his headphones and keys. Even though he had plans to go to the gym in the morning, he knew an evening jog would at least help him get through the night while he debated what to do next.

The minute he steps outside, he already feels the tension leaving him. He doesn’t even wait for his music to kick in as he allows his feet to carry him, distracting him as he takes off into his route. His brain is able to focus, slow down all of his anxiety and worry as he gets lost in the evening space, heading to Central Park. It was uncharacteristically warm for April, though there’s still a bit of a chill in the air, but it’s the perfect combination as he goes faster, letting the wind cool him down as his legs pump faster.

He’s run five miles, his iPhone notes as it switches to another song, and decides that he won’t push it too much knowing that Don would probably have him running eight miles in the morning and he starts to slow down, trying to wind down.

And then he’s on the ground.

He couldn’t have seen the figure who was running just as hard, equally fast as they turned the corner and the momentum knocks the both of them on the ground, headphones sailing array as they take a second to register what has just occurred. He’s barely sitting up, praying to god he hasn’t knocked some older woman out and even more that he didn’t break anything on said woman, when familiar eyes look back into his own and he smiles.

“Y/N?” he asks as you look back at him, eyes squinting before you say,

“Sebastian?”

He smiles as he stands, easily finding his headphones and throwing them around his neck before walking toward you. You’re still on your ass, looking for your headphones which he walks by, picking them up and saying,

“Looking for these?”

You give a relieved sigh as you nod, and he extends his hand out to help you up. You take it easily, your warm hand gripping his own as he helps you up and you give a relieved smile as you wince.

“God I was worried I took out like a grandma or a child. Or that I ran into a goddamn tree that sprouted out of nowhere – you’re deceivingly solid.”

He laughs and shakes his head,

“I thought I ran down an old woman. It’s happened before and…..well anyways I’m glad it was you.”

You raise a skeptical eyebrow as he continues,

“Because you’re not an old woman who’s hip I might’ve fractured. That, and, I haven’t seen you much outside of work so it’s nice. To see you. Like this.”

He knows he’s rambling but he can’t stop it, fumbling over each set of words and you give a soft smile as you nod, slowly biting your lip.

“That’s fair. Chris has been stealing a lot of time away from you and Mackie….” You furrow your eyebrows together as debating something. Then you look down, your hands still gripped around his and he looks down sheepishly, pulling away.

“Sorry I didn’t – I shouldn’t have –“ he wasn’t prepared for this, your sudden presence and you shrug as you grab your headphones, similar large Beat headphones as you throw them around your neck.

“It’s getting dark, I was about done with my run and debating where to get dinner. It’s been a while since I’ve been in New York and though my trainer would yell at me – I am dying for a slice of pizza.” You blink up at him expectantly, your eyes watching him curiously. Wondering if you were going to take the bait.

He bites. Easy. You were basically handing yourself on a platter as he shots you a large grin,

“I know this really good place, down in Little Italy. Amazing pizza. Delicious risotto. Even better wine. I was thinking of going there…if you’re interested?”

You smile as you weave your arm in his, nodding.

“Totally down. Especially if there’s good company.”

Fate, you decided, was playing some weird game of emotional cat and mouse and you weren’t sure how to feel about it. But you knew enough about fate that when it threw you a bone, whether you wanted said bone or note, it was best to lean into it then run the other way. If you did that, you knew you would be banishing yourself to some sad version of sad karma and you refused to go down that rabbit hole. So you were going to lean into it.

You weren’t a runner. Not really. You preferred getting your workouts in by swimming, or playing a sport or hating the fact that you had to go to the gym while you were pushing yourself at the gym. Running was the last thing you did but sometimes, when you were feeling really anxious and had too much energy, it was the only way you knew to get it all out.

That was how you felt after you landed in New York. Restless and too much energy resting in your body.

It was Chris. He was too fucking perfect.

You knew that couldn’t be true – everyone had flaws – but if Chris had any he hid them. So well the paranoid woman in you wondered if he was like Dexter, hiding his charming self to only expose himself as a justice wielding serial killer. It was an extreme thought, you knew that, but you didn’t know how else to justify a man that was just proving to be too ideal.  

He was funny, intelligent (so fucking smart it was alarming), charismatic, compassionate, kind. Handsome had already been established. A fucking phenomenal kisser – if you could spend your day making out with Chris and getting paid to make out with Chris you would. So then you thought maybe, just maybe, he had a small dick.

Nope, one heated takeout session had you straddling his lap, all of his manhood pushed up against his jeans and the thin material of your skirt and you were totally okay with where this make out session was leading. A quick hook up in a small interview room while millions of reporters waited on the other side. Because you really wanted to feel all of what he was offering in you in that moment. But alas, you had been cursed with a totem named Mackie, cock blocker numero uno consistently calling you on your cell phone, reminding you of the true reason you were in Barcelona, and you were both left panting and wanting more. You loved Anthony, he was literally one of your best friends, but he was slowly inching closer and closer to your enemy list.  

But Chris didn’t push it after that. Took his time with you, respecting the space and clearly informing you that he didn’t want to pressure you into sex. He was a complete and absolute gentleman.

So when he had dropped you off at your hotel room, kissing you goodbye after you assured him that you just needed the night to yourself, you had been torn with what to do next.

It was silly and ridiculous and you were making unnecessary drama for no reason but you just couldn’t believe that someone like Chris – someone who was everything any woman would want – would be interested in you. You knew what the true source of the problem was of course and you hated yourself even more for it.

You were still highly attracted to Sebastian. You were sure he was into you – but he had been distant lately and you had taken that as a sign. Except you couldn’t let that go because you liked him, little fucking imperfect perfect bastard that he was, and you hated yourself for it.  Didn’t matter that one of the sexiest men on earth was panting after you. You wanted the one that was out of reach. What was the statement, “We always want what we can’t have?”

You hated whatever inner demon had attached itself into your decision making and was making you really live that feeling.

So, after saying goodbye to Chris, you had quickly changed and decided to run around Central Park. It was nice out, you needed fresh air and you could clear your thoughts.  You had only gotten to three miles (hating every pounding second of it) when you had slammed into Sebastian.

Of fucking course. In a city with over a million citizens you would run into the one person who was actively taking up the space in your mind. And he looked good – damn he looked good. Even in the with the sun slowly setting his blue eyes shone, his sweatshirt rolled up to his sleeve, molding to his sculpted arms and chest. His hair was growing like a weed at this point and the short, curly strands poked out from under his NY hat.

Fuck.

So of course you had coerced him into taking you out to dinner. You wanted to get to know Sebastian. Needed to verify that you both just weren’t good for each other so you could commit to Chris. That easy.

And of course, nothing in life was that easy.

As you sat across from him, his dark eyes watching you as you squirmed in your seat, legs tucked underneath you as you leaned into the table, and you knew exactly that this was probably not going to go the way you had planned it to. He smelled faintly of Piccioli and sweat and god if the combination didn’t want you to pull him toward you and suck at his bottom lip until it was swollen. Instead you take another direction.

“Surprised you haven’t suggested for us to go to some dive bar where you have another girl you can ditch me for.”

It comes off more brutal than you intend but it does its job, hitting him and he flinches as he takes a sip of his water.

“I…..definitely deserved that. And some. Probably for the rest of my month….or at least my thirties.”

You chuckle but nod,  

“Yea, you do.” You bite your lip. You opened up the flood gates so now you had to commit, “Why’d you do it?”

He watches you intently as he drums his hands on his table. It’s the same way he had looked at you the very first time you had met, mystery and intensity swirling behind his baby blues before he sighs out,

“You really want to go down this rabbit hole? I’m sure Anthony has told you how much of an emotional mess I am.”

You chuckle as you lean back in your chair, crossing your arms,

“No worse than the rest of us Stan. Believe me – we are all trying to figure it out.”

He gives a slow nod, as he takes a long sip of his water.

“Okay but dinner is on me. It’s the least I can do to subjugate you to the disaster that is my brain.”

“Dinner’s on you. Got it. Now stop avoiding the question.”

He chuckles at your persistence, raising his hands in surrender before saying,

“All right, I have to give you a lot of back context for you to truly understand what got me to where I was at mentally by the time I was sitting in front of you for dinner.”

You nod as you lean into him eagerly and he sighs.

“I’ve always fall too hard for women. It’s a problem, I go to therapy for it, continue to try to figure out how to remedy it but the fact of the matter is being in a relationship, for whatever reason, fills this void in me. Justifying to me that if maybe, somehow I can get the women that I am into to fall for me I am ….I don’t know…..good enough. That I’ve measured up to one of the expectations I have for myself. It’s been a pattern and my friends know it and they tease me for it. But falling for Margarita, my ex, the women you saw me making out with that night, it had been different.

I guess I already had an affinity for falling for older woman. But there was something about Margarita that was different. I guess, like you, she wasn’t afraid to challenge me. She wasn’t afraid to get me thinking critically through things. And we had similar backgrounds. We were both from Eastern Europe, traveling to America in our early teens. Both in the movie business. It’s hard to date someone who isn’t in this world, for them to understand how much it demands of you and how that can affect a relationship. It’s worth fighting for with the right person sure but not a lot of people who aren’t actors or actresses get it, which makes total sense right. They don’t have too.

So we were alike in a lot of ways. Had very similar interest and drivers but we were also so different. And, looking back on all of it, it happened to fast. Even though I matured a lot from that relationship, we both had put too much expectation on the other. You pair that with the expectation that you get from this business and you get one fucking mess. For me, it’s emotionally pulling away. When things get to hard I just internally crumble. I’m still working on what that looks like with different relationships I have but at the time, before I could take a step back and reflect on it, I was just quite frankly a dick.”

You nod in agreement as the waitress comes by and Sebastian’s orders a bottle of wine before he flickers over at you,

“Is it okay that I just did that? We can get something else if you like.”

You give a small smile as you shake your head,

“Take the reins, please. I have to decide things for myself and Anthony all the time – it’s nice to not do it for once. I trust your recommendation.”

He smiles and nods as he starts to play with his empty wine glass,

“Well back to it….Margarita and I had just broken up, for like the third time since being together in a six month span a week before our date. We –“

“Wait – a week? You were broken up with her for a week?” you ask and Sebastian gives a knowing nod.

“Fucking Mackie! He said you were sooooooooooooo single. That’s not single at all. I was your rebound. No wonder you fucking ditched me for her when you saw her.” You mutter and Sebastian chuckles shaking his head,

“To be fair to Anthony…at the time I was being really weird about being with Margarita. Committing to her and all that. And I didn’t make it official, not really, at that point. I saw her making out with some guy at this party two weeks back, we fought, we broke up or whatever, it’s what landed me on a date with you. Anthony was sure Margarita and I weren’t good together. He felt like we were good together as friends but…….a messy couple. I know that you probably think he’s not the best matchmaker.”

“He’s the worse!” you argue and Sebastian shrugs,

“He might be. But he gets chemistry. Specifically people’s chemistry. He’d be a really good talent scout if he ever stopped acting – I’ll give him that. Anyways, he had suggested I go on a date with you. He talked about you all the time – I felt like I practically knew you by the time it was our date. But he never told me that you were so….” He frowns, his eyes flickering away from you.

“What?” you ask, your heart thudding in your chest. By this time you’re pretty sure he’s going to admit to everything that you were nervous about. Your race, your skin color, your hair, your weight…everything that you were conflicted about. Instead he breathes out,

“Beautiful.”

His eyes are watching you as you see him exhale, carefully reading you as the waitress comes by and offers the wine. You both nod but you know something has shifted in the air, a static tension you didn’t want to acknowledge. The wine is poured and and Sebastian orders, his eyes never leaving yours and you take a long sip out of your glass.

That was the last thing you expected to hear from him.

When the waitress leaves you’re left alone and he follows your lead, taking a long sip of wine before he says,

“I had in my head that you were going to be this fun friend, a good distraction for the mess in my head and a fucked up relationship, we’d eat dinner and I’d see you off. And then you walked in and….fuck…I wasn’t expecting you to just be so beautiful. And then we started talking and the more we talked, the more you opened up, I knew I was in trouble. You were the exact kind of woman I could see myself falling for. But you were different than Margarita, in so many ways and not just in the physical sense. Just….your energy. Your personality. And it just felt natural. It scared the shit out of me. When we were at that club and you went to the bathroom, apparently Margarita was there. Obviously. She confronted me and I didn’t’ want you to come back out to me talking to this other girl so I told her we needed to chat outside. She was confronting me about you and I was confronting her about why she cared and I was drunk and confused and….well, you know the rest. I was a complete and utter selfish dick and I broke your heart and I didn’t even have the courtesy to apologize to you. So that’s it Y/N - that’s why I did what I did. It’s not an excuse, not even a good explanation but it’s what happened.”

You’ve been slowly sipping on your wine, unaware at how quickly until your glass is empty and you sigh as you grab the bottle, pouring a large amount into the glass.

“I’ll buy the next bottle because holy shit. I wasn’t expecting that Stan. I was expecting ‘I was a young douche bag that didn’t know what I wanted and was afraid of women who weren’t skinny and white so that’s why I ditched you’. It’s what I normally get.”

His eyes furrow together as he leans into the table, into you before he asks,

“Why did you think that? Did I say anything?”

You shrug as you place your hand on the table, playing with the silver ware as you twirled your wine glass in the other hand,

“No, well….no. You just – Sebastian you’re fucking hot. And you’re such a bro,” you laugh and shake your head, “It’s not your fault, this feeling is all on me, but I also projected some of my insecurities on you. That’s how most men I’ve dated that fit your mold, you know, treat women like me. It wasn’t fair but also you left me… I didn’t know what to think. So I just, accepted it, figured you were a dick and moved on. Until Anthony set me up for failure years later.”

You roll your eyes and Sebastian laughs as his hand moves over to yours on the table, giving it a squeeze,

“I’m so very sorry again about it. You deserve better. You deserve the world. And I hate that I made you feel for a second you weren’t’ worth anyone love. Because any man, no matter what their background is, would be lucky to have a chance with you.”

His voice is low, softness and sincerity intertwined in each word as you look at his hand and then back up into his eyes. His mouth is pulled into a smile and his eyes are big, sapphire pools of hope.

You were his. He didn’t need to do anything else to convince you otherwise.  You give a nod and smile, giving his hand a squeeze.

“Well you’re forgiven. And I’m sorry for assuming you were a dick…actually - nope I’m not. I stand by my actions – you deserved it.”

He laughs, nodding his head as he leans back in his chair.

“Fair Y/N, very fair.”

You both drink too much wine. By the time either of you realize it, you’re two bottles in and the restaurant is winding down as you step outside into the night New York air, laughing and shaking your head.

“Our hangover is going to be terrible.” You say as you stand outside the restaurant, looking up at him with those large eyes that he’s decided, he’d easily do anything for if you asked. You were different when your guard was down, completely down. You were funny and carefree and dorky – witty but flighty and he liked it. It was different than the image you portrayed when you were at work, you were freer and he felt it easy to be himself. Even when you pushed back, challenging him, it didn’t feel like he was being isolated for being wrong but a different way of looking at things. It scared him.  Probably because he was just as nerdy and stumbled through the English language with a frequency you’d think he’d be used to and spent way too much time dreaming then focusing in the moment. And that, even if he knew he was wrong, he hated when people told him otherwise and you had a mastery to get him to listen without attacking his pride.

Dangerous. That was how he felt when he had seen you. You were dangerous because you had the power to have him giving 100% of himself and he had never done that with a woman. Except right now, wine tipsiness driving him, he wanted to fall into the feeling, consequences be damned.

“Probably. I’m gonna blame you if my agent says anything.”

“Me!?” you give him a playful push and he takes the blow with ease as you stagger toward him, catching you with ease.

“You’re really clumsy you know that?”

You roll your eyes as he tries to maneuver his arm around your waist, leading you back to your hotel but his foot catches on a part of uneven sidewalk, tripping and bringing you almost down. The both of you catch each other easily before you’re looking at him, shaking your head.

“Me? You are crazy ridiculous clumsy Sebastian. You trip and fall over like 90% of things you touch. Including me apparently!”

He laughs as his hands grip around your waist, drawing you to him and your plant your arms around him, throwing your head back. He tries to fight the urge to place a kiss on your neck, desperately wanting to know how you tasted as he kissed his way down to the apex of your cleavage. It was all he could do as you bring your attention back to his face and tease,

“It’s not nice to stare.”

“Hard to not stare when you look the way you do.”

You burst out in laughter, shaking your head as you exclaim,

“That is the corniest pick up line I have heard in a while.”

“I’ll be here all night.” He beams and you laugh more as you give a deep sigh.

“I probably shouldn’t have ordered that second bottle of wine.”

“Probably not but I also agreed to it so….you know.”

You nod as you watch him, your face shifting. No longer amused humor hung in the air, your eyes no longer twinkling with mischief. Something else lived between them as you watched him.

“You’re kinda perfect, you know that Seb?”

It surprises him, the boldness of your words that come out of your mouth and he can feel his face flushing red, distracting himself by rubbing circles against the exposed skin on your waist.

“I am not. I mean, I don’t think I’m not good looking but lots of people are.”

You shake your head as your hands start to outline his face, trailing a path against the contours of his face,

“You have like, perfect face symmetry. Big, bold beautiful eyes. Luscious hair. Fucking European dream. And that’s not even accounting for that jaw that could cut through glass and your lips, god you have the most perfect lips….” Your voice has dropped a bit and he groans as he draw you closer, trying to ignore the growing erection in his pants.

“If this is a coy to get me to tell you how fucking perfect you are, you could’ve just asked,” his voice is huskier as his mouth finds your ear, his hands biting into your waist as he whispers, “You want me to tell you how I dream about those big, pretty eyes looking at me, your dimpled cheeks beaming as I consume that mouth of yours. How I imagine what it would feel like to taste every inch of you, from the curve of your breast to that pretty little pussy that I know tastes good.”

You groan as his lips snake down to your neck, knowing he was losing an uphill battle with desire. Your skin is hot but soft and he nips at the delicate flesh, sucking and nipping at you before he whispers,

“Is that what you want to hear Y/N. How fucking crazy you drive me? How many times I’ve touched myself thinking about you. You’re a fucking demon, teasing my dreams and knowing I can’t do a damn thing about it.”

“Sebastian….” You whisper and he pulls back, watching you under hooded eyes. Your face is ruined, completely wrecked and he can’t fight it. He bends down and kisses you, mouth consuming your own and you fall into it easily, pulling him closer to you. It’s sloppy and desperate and wanting, tongue and teeth clashing as he moans out your name, drawing you flush to his erection. You groan as your nails bite into the skin of his neck, desperately trying to get close to him before you both feel it. A low vibration hitting both of your torsos, and you sigh before you’re pulling away.

Your face is clouded as you dig into your sweater pocket, pulling out your phone and you groan as you read the name on the screen, placing your forehead on his chest.

“Fucking Mackie. He literally ruins everything.”

Sebastian chuckles as he holds you, drawing you into a hug as he whispers against your forehead,

“It’s late. I should get you home.”

You groan but nod, pulling away and staring up at him.

“You’re right.”

He watches you, watches the uncertainty flickering in your eyes before he wipes a strand a hair from your face, falling from your ponytail. You fall into his touch and his heart clenches as he bends down and kisses you, his mouth slowly molding into your mouth, easily coercing yours and you give a contented sigh into his mouth before he pulls away,

“I’m going to fight for you Y/N. I’m tired of sitting on my ass and watching someone else win over your heart. But if I do I need you to understand one thing – I like you because of who you are. I don’t care about your skin tone or how you look. I like you because you are you. I need you to understand that because apparently I’ve done a shitty job of showing you why it is I like you for who you are.”

He doesn’t mean to shift the tone but he needs you to know as he cups your face, watching you deliberately and your mouth twitches into a small smile as you close your eyes, your forehead resting against his chest. Not saying a thing and yet saying anything as he holds you tight, resting his head along your own.

Not wanting to leave the moment.

Tag List:  @xgminigypsy @zohoffman @ssweet-empowerment@capsofwinchesters @tacohead13@harleycativy@pietrotheavenger @francezka10@papichulosebastian@obsessionsofmynerdheart @melaninmarvel@avengedqueen26 @nasteaxluvgal @winterbuttmunch

#sebastian stan #chris evans #sebastian stan x reader #chris evans x reader #sebastian stan x plus size reader #sebastian stan x person of color #chris evans x person of color

[jinjikook]

you leave me restless (and breathless) (m)

🎃 word count: 11k

🎃 genre: smut + fluff ; non-idol au

🎃 pairing: reader/seokjin

🎃 warning(s)/kink(s): dom! jin, humiliation, degradation, dom/sub, jealousy, unprotected sex, rough sex, spanking, biting, hickies, marking, tying up, oral sex, aftercare

🎃 summary: seokjin was a pretty good best friend, that is until he starts sabotaging every date and chance you have with another guy. though you only find out when he really royally fucks things up for you and everything after that is history.

🎃 requested by: anon #1 - “Hmm ok, maybe for Jin's kinktober-He's your bff who keeps sabotaging every date you go on bc he's jealous af and in love with you, and one day he just snaps and gets real dominant and dirty with you?”  + anon #2 - “Could I get some smut with Jin please 🙈” 

🎃 music: can’t even - the neighborhood + beg for it - chris brown

🎃 author’s note: clearly this got away from me bc i love kim seokjin and this au was fun af to write so thanks to that rad anon for the really great prompt! coughiwannawritemorepizzaboy!jincough

🎃 masterlist + kinktober 2017

“Hey, I’m heading out!” You yell out into your apartment where Jeongguk and Seokjin were playing video games together, not feeling like going all the way over there to announce your departure.

A succession of bumps, crashes and bangs follow until Seokjin unceremoniously bursts out of Jeongguk’s bedroom door, slightly sweaty and disheveled from what you assumed was the chaos of getting up that made all that noise. You gave him a perplexed look, questioning gaze on him as he ducked to hold onto his knees and pant heavily.

With a sigh, you leant your weight onto your hip and waited until Seokjin regained his breath to finally pop the question as to why he nearly toppled your entire home over for the sake of seeing you.

“You’re—hagh,” He coughed, his breath still not entirely inside his lungs yet. “You’re leaving?”

You scoffed, giving him a small smile and looking at him incredulously.

“Duh? What did you think I meant by ‘I’m heading out’?”

He shrugged, feigning indifference and innocence as he continued.

“Dunno, figured you’d stay in. You’ve already got the two best guys on campus here, what else could the world offer?”

You laughed, covering your mouth and jingling your keys in the process. A quick glance at the clock overhead told you that it was a few minutes before seven and you had to head out if you were to make it on time.

“Actually, I have a date. One that I’ll be late for if I don’t leave right now, so sorry Jin. Guess we’ll have to hang some other time, you’re stuck with Guk for the time being.” Seokjin pouted—he literally pouted—at that, a small whine burrowed in his throat as he tried to protest some more, to keep you from leaving like a lovesick puppy. He ducked down before you could even say a word more.

“Seokkie, I’m sorry!” You exclaimed, exasperated at Seokjin’s sudden grip around your leg. He was attached like a damn koala and refused to be shaken off, despite all your efforts. “I have to go!” You finally snatched your leg from your friend and waved goodbye before shutting the door directly behind you, trying to ignore Seokjin’s cries from inside as if he was trapped.

You sent a text to your date, apologizing for the delay to which he responded with a smiley face and an understanding ‘okay’, following the text with a speedily dialed call to your roommate to ask him to keep Seokjin entertained, he seemed to be really clingy today and he probably just needed some extra attention.

In your car, you triple checked your hair and make-up before starting it up, sighing at the hum of the motor and that one odd noise you swore you’d get checked out eventually.

When you buckled in and gripped the steering wheel, you groaned audibly at the sight in front of you.

No gas?!

You swore you filled the car up just a couple of days ago, and you hadn’t gone anywhere far in the time being. There was no way this was possible, Jeongguk had used his bike to get everywhere minus the one day he had rode along with Namjoon to the study session after class and when Jimin misplaced his skateboard and gave him a lift back to the apartment until he found it later on.

You banged your head against the wheel and pulled the key out of the ignition angrily, slamming the car door behind you before trudging up the stairs twice as hard as you ran down previously. When you unlocked the door to your apartment, Seokjin nearly ambushed you and smiled big and wide at your return.

“I knew you wouldn’t leave us! No use in wasting gas going to some dumb date anyways,” He shook his head and guided you back to where Jeongguk was yelling at his TV screen, headset skewed on his hair.

“That’s the problem, I don’t have any gas in my car!” You stomped in front of the screen, blocking Jeongguk’s vision which only spurred him on further. “Hey, shut up for like two seconds and I’ll let you get back to owning some twelve year olds using their daddy’s Playstation. Did you use my car recently?” Your hands were at your hips and Seokjin looked on from where he planted down in the bright, ugly ass orange beanbag chair Jeongguk kept tucked away.

“What? No, what the fuck? You already know I spend half my time trudging my shit bike through the rain.” He stuck his tongue in between his teeth and veered around your body to watch the screen project his kill and he made his character taunt the dead body of his vehement enemy.

“So do you wanna explain how the hell my car just suddenly lost all its gas?”

“I dunno, maybe it’s that weird noise you told me about. You sprung a leak or something,”

You tried to maintain your composure, fighting the hand that wanted to slap itself against your face.

“Guk, why would a leak cause a noise?”

“Maybe it’s just cracking a joke!” Seokjin piped up, snickering at his own piss poor excuse of humor.

“Okay Jinnie, usually I love your jokes but that one was not only ill-timed but also it was just such a reach.” He shrugged and mumbled, ‘s’good to me’ and you turned back to Jeongguk who was violently smashing his controller buttons.

You were going to tear him a new one, knowing he had to have something to do with this but then your phone buzzed, an incoming line of texts from your still-waiting date.

jaehyun ✽ [7:14 PM]: everything okay?

jaehyun ✽ [7:14 PM]: it’s been a few since you texted, just checking if you’re close by or anything! :)

God, he was so cute and sweet. You hated even thinking of cancelling on him.

“That the guy you were talking about earlier?” Jeongguk finally pried himself from the crusted asshole of his game to pay attention to you for once. You nodded and pressed a smile on your face, trying to show how happy you were about his mentioning but you were still bitter over the idea of telling him how you couldn’t make it.

Seokjin surprised you with a hug from behind, sneakily peering over your shoulder to take a look at your texts.

“Good riddance, huh? A guy who uses that many smiley faces is clearly trying to just get into your pants. You can do better, Y/N.” You shrugged Seokjin off, reprimanding him for reading your current and past texts with Jaehyun, whom happened to be fond of emoticons.

“So he uses smiley faces, so what? Jeongguk uses memes and Jimin uses gifs, and I’ve seen my fair share of emotes from you, Seokjin.”

Around a mouthful of salty potato chips and amongst flying crumbs, Jeongguk replies almost readily.

“Seokjin’s just as much of a player as this Jaehyun dude. They both clearly want to get into your—”

“Okay! So, since you’re not going out anymore, how about I make us something? Jeongguk is already taking his fill of starches so I could just make something for the two of us. Anything you like, Y/N.”

“Who said anything about cancelling? I could catch a bus or something,”

“No!” Both you and Jeongguk look over at Seokjin’s outburst, your face contorted in confusion while Jeongguk’s was in one of amusement. “I-I mean, the buses aren’t safe, you know that.”

“Fine, then you can drive me Seokjin, since you wanted to spend a little more time with me anyways,” You didn’t wait for an answer to spill out of Seokjin’s sputtering mouth, choosing to walk towards the front door to head out once more.

“Wait, Y/N!” He shouted after you again, just as clumsy as the first time he traipsed after you.

“I couldn’t possibly take you, I mean I—”

“You what? You’re supposed to be my best friend Seokjin, help me out. I know you drove here and I know you planned to stay in with Guk all night but it’d be a huge favor if you could just drop me off at the little café by the library? You know the one, with the soft pastries that have chocolate drizzled on top with powdered sugar.”

Your stomach growled at the description, followed by Seokjin’s own and he grew victim to his glutton, wanting nothing more than to taste the sweet, sugary delectable but also not wanting you to slip from his fingers like sand through an hourglass; fleeting.

“But, I don’t think I have much gas in my car either!”

jaehyun ✽ [7:23 PM]: i think it’s gonna start raining soon, do you have an umbrella?

jaehyun ✽ [7:24 PM]: if not, i have one we can share! :)

“Again with the damn smiley faces,” Seokjin grumbled at the sight of your phone again.

“Stop peeping at my texts!” You swatted Seokjin and he deepened his pout, looking fairly dejected to be taking you on your date. “Anyways, I know you have gas and you already have your keys so c’mon! I’ll buy you a pastry to make up for it.”

‘What’s the point of having it if I can’t eat it with you?’ Seokjin thought, head slung low as you two stepped out of your apartment.

But as if the world hated the idea of you having a social circle outside of your roommate, Seokjin and some of their friends who have become yours by extension, thunder clapped loudly and suddenly the streets went dark. It was a loud boom and Seokjin nearly jumped five feet in the air.

“Holy shit, I can barely see anything!” Seokjin whisper-screamed, still feeling numb in his kneecaps from the stark noise and surrounding darkness.

“Fuck me,” You groaned and looked down at your phone, the screen’s brightness now so much more so with the light difference. You had to squint at the screen to read the incoming slew of texts, knowing that you didn’t live far from the café and no doubt was there a similar situation where Jaehyun was waiting for you.

jaehyun ✽ [7:30 PM]: woah, okay it went dark here :O

jaehyun ✽ [7:30 PM]: the cafe lost power, i think something happened…

You [7:31 PM]: yeah, it’s like pitch black over here

You [7:31 PM]: did you hear that loud noise too?

jaehyun ✽ [7:32 PM]: yeah! it really scared me! :S

You [7:33 PM]: aww i’m sorry. if i was there you and I could huddle in the dark and drink our coffee

jaehyun ✽ [7:33 PM]: you’re so cute :’)))

“Eugh,” Seokjin fake gagged next to you and you responded by hitting him on the shoulder, he winced at the contact.

“What did I tell you about reading my texts?!”

“We’re best friends Y/N! I have a right to pry into your personal life for your own health and safety,”

“That’s the biggest hunk of bullshit Jin, c’mon let’s go inside.” You went back in with Seokjin, the two of you snickering at the sounds of Jeongguk angrily releasing his frustrations in the background, yelling at the power for going out as if it was a sentient being that could feel guilt.

jaehyun ✽ [7:35 PM]: i guess this means our date is off, huh? :(

You [7:35 PM]: yeah, i’m really sorry jae :(

jaehyun ✽ [7:36 PM]: that’s okay, i’d rather you weren’t on the roads now anyways

jaehyun ✽ [7:36 PM]: some other time then :)

You thanked your lucky stars that Jaehyun was so sweet and understanding; if it were anyone else you’re sure they wouldn’t have had the patience at this point. Between classes and work and the clingiest best friend known to man, it seemed like your date with Jaehyun wouldn’t ever come to fruition.

He was in one of your classes, always attentive and willing to share his diligent notes,

(His color-coding alone was incredible, you had no idea how one person could keep up with Mrs. Rothschild’s fast-paced lectures and still manage to switch pens to meticulously keep things organized, with the prettiest handwriting you’ve ever seen from a guy to boot!)

Jaehyun had approached you one day, asking you for your number and the day after he added you on social media, giving you the chance to lurk on him a little bit. He was totally boyfriend material: super kind, a dog-person and he even had an amazing sense of style, always dressed well even at the earliest of classes.

He liked everyone’s posts and always left cute comments with smiley emotes or sunshines. Jaehyun liked to let you borrow his jackets and sweaters if you forget yours in the cold classroom,

(You remember every time, but when you look at your own jacket hanging off the back of your couch and you think about how soft Jaehyun’s own ones are and how it has just the right amount of cologne on it to smell like him, you always leave your own there and welcome it when he drapes his over your shoulders with a soft smile.)

“Are you done day dreaming about boy wonder?” Seokjin crossed his arms and it made his broad shoulders stand out more against the t-shirt he’d worn today, with light blue jeans and tears in just the right places. You had to be blind to not admit Seokjin was handsome, amazingly so. But he was off limits, your best friend, partner in crime—your other half.

“Gimme a few more minutes, I just got to the good part,” You joked, letting your eyes wander into the distance as Jeongguk entered the living room with his phone’s flashlight illuminating his way and nearly blinding Seokjin and yourself.

“Dude, what happened? Why is it as dark as Yoongi’s asshole?”

At the same time, Seokjin and you gave Jeongguk the dirtiest look.

“What the fuck kind of comparison is that?”

“I don’t even want to know why you know Yoongi’s asshole so personally,”

“Anyways, the light? What happened?” Jeongguk casually moved on from his strange blurb, turning off his phone’s light as Seokjin lit a candle on the kitchen island, bathing the room in a soft orange hue.

You shrugged and move to sit across from Seokjin on a kitchen stool, Jeongguk unceremoniously choosing to plant his ass on the counter instead, swinging his long legs over the edge like a child about to get their hair cut.

“There was a loud sound after the thunder, maybe a transformer blew or something?” You guessed, not knowing more than that. “Seokjin, check the news on your phone, maybe it has more info.” The man in question nodded and pulled out his phone, wincing at the harsh light before turning his brightness down several notches and making his way to the local news website, not without cursing some for having to use up his precious data to go online.

“Shut up Jin, not like you have any use for it otherwise, besides your shitty online solitaire game. Which by the way, how is that considered solitaire if you’re playing online? Isn’t the point of that game to be a lonely person’s match that you play by yourself?”

You shut the two of them up and gestured to Seokjin’s phone which began to play a broadcast of the live newscast.

“… Which has left the entire neighborhood sans power, luckily the only real damage was to a nearby parked car that had no passengers inside. The local company has not yet disclosed how long the power will be down but they’ve assured customers that their electricity will be put up in an organized and timely manner for their earliest convenience.”

“Great, we have no idea what happened but hey, at least we know we’ll be in the dark for some time.”

“Oooh, let’s do something fun!” Jeongguk cheerily looked between the two of you, eagerly hopping in place on the counter.

Simultaneously, you and Seokjin instantly rejected the idea.

“Why not?” He dragged out the vowel, trying and succeeding to sound like a whiny child.

“Because Guk, anytime you get one of your harebrained schemes, someone ends up naked, embarrassed or covered in mayonnaise.”

“Or all of the above,” Seokjin shuddered at the memory of last New Year’s, his vision supplying blurry images of his junk covered in a white fluid that was most definitely not come.

“You will never let me live that down, will you?” With resounding no’s, the three of you retired to the living room to lounge lazily on the couch and the ratty armchair Jeongguk brought with him from his old apartment he shared with Taehyung and Jimin. Seokjin carried the melting candle into the room with him, setting it down precariously on the glass coffee table set in the center.

As the three of you played the most boring game of ‘I Spy’ known to man, finally—several hours later—the lights came back on and the air conditioner whirred to life in the background. Jeongguk praised some higher powers and ran back to his room to try and see if his achievements had been saved.

“Well, that was certainly an interesting night. Probably eons better than sitting in a boring old café with a regular old fuck boy, huh Y/N?”

You got up and tried to brush off the comment from Seokjin, choosing to blow the candle out and wave the wisp of smoke away.

“Y/N?”

“Tell me, what’s the big deal with you and Jaehyun? Do you have some kind of grudge against him or something? You’d think, as my best friend,” You accented the word, letting a little more sting bite from your tongue, “You’d be more, I dunno, supportive?”

Throwing your hands in the air, you continued.

“Here I am, with this great guy who seems to be sweet on me and care for me and make me genuinely happy, and you just seem to want to stop anything from happening between us. Every date we’ve planned thus far that hasn’t been cancelled because of class or work, has been foiled by you and your innate need to keep me by your side. What, can’t spend a single day away from me? That’s kind of pathetic, Seokjin.”

You scoffed and slammed your bedroom door, throwing yourself in bed and yelling into your pillow. With one final apologetic text to Jaehyun, you tried to drift off to sleep with thoughts of his soft jackets and sweet scent and a pillowy, pink pout that wasn’t exactly Jaehyun’s but it struck something familiar in your gut just before your eyes shut.

Jeongguk swung out from his bedroom at the sound of your own door shutting harshly, eyebrows raised at Seokjin’s shocked expression, mouth agape.

“Smooth shit, you just made the one girl you’ve been pining for mad at you.”

“Shut it Jeon, it’s not as simple as you think.”

“Oh right, it’s not like you’ve been sabotaging every chance this poor girl has had with a guy she really likes just because that guy isn’t you. I mean, you went from using puppy dog eyes to get her to stay to giving her coworker food poisoning and siphoning gas from her car. Her car, Seokjin. Who does that?”

He sighed wistfully, moving to rest his chin on his crossed arms as he looked over the back of the sofa towards your door.

“Love makes you do crazy things, young grasshopper.”

“Whatever man, grow a pair and tell her how you feel or let her be happy. Now come on, I need a medic to actually heal me while I tank on these camping assholes.” Seokjin relented and aided the younger in his suppression of kids that were up past their bedtimes getting kill streaks and assists.

 ○ ◐ ●

 “Okay, I have gas in my car, cash and money on my card, none of the threads of clothes are loose, and the weather is predicted to be sun-shiny today. Nothing is gonna stop me today,” You huffed out determined, tuning out Jeongguk as he coos at Yoongi’s dog on FaceTime.

You pop into his room, giving him a small smile and wave before heading out, taking the steps two at a time.

You had a spring in your step, feeling excited to finally be able to pull through on a date with Jaehyun. Even after profusely apologizing to him in person the next class you had together, he refused to accept any of them, saying it hadn’t been your fault and that there was nothing to be sorry about. Regardless, you pinky promised to actually get to a date this time, having cleared your schedule for over a week.

With explicit instructions to your boss that you were most certainly not available today, along with making sure both Jaehyun and yourself were class free, you knew today was the day.

You’d arrived to the park early, knitted bag in hand with several goodies inside for the lovely picnic Jaehyun had put together. It was beyond a cute idea, you already praised him for being such a romantic and nearly talked Jeongguk’s head off about how excited you were.

You [1:18 PM]: at the park! we’re still meeting by the pagoda at the lake, right? :)

The smiley face looked back at you, making your own grin grow. It also gave you a slight stab of guilt, remembering when Seokjin had mocked his use of the so-called emotes and it also reminded you of when you two last spoke. You’d blown up at your best friend and failed to make amends since. You tried to text and call him but he’d been avoiding you, Jeongguk keeping his lips sealed if he knew anything of him which you were sure he had to know something, he was his friend too after all. And he hadn’t yelled at him and left him hanging for over a week like you had.

jaehyun ✽ [1:20 PM]: yeah :D i’ll see you in a few

With that, you bounded down the stone path towards the open waters of the lake. It was warm and balmy with the softest breeze caressing your skin, making the warm air just the slightest bit cooler. It hummed in your ears and you came up with your own melody to match the wind, until you finally reached where Jaehyun had been leaning against the wooden structure.

“Hey!” You shouted, nearly toppling over your own two feet as they carried you to the chestnut haired boy. His eyes gleamed at the sight of you, slightly dewy as his dimple deepened with his smile.

“Y/N! I’m so glad you could make it,” He embraced you, letting his sleeveless shirt show off the toned muscle of his tan arms. You tried to keep it as PG as possible while he held you, having pure intents with the kind guy who had your heart in a vice.

“Wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” You beamed, letting him lead you to an open patch of grass where he laid down a plaid blanket to sit upon like a typical picnic. “Okay, so I brought some water bottles and snacks. I have chips and little cakes and—”

“Oh, wait I thought I was bringing the snacks and you were bringing the sandwiches?” You furrowed your brows as the two of you got comfortable, shaking your head.

“No, you asked me to bring snacks and drinks, right?” Jaehyun let his hair flop with the motion of his head, gesturing to his phone as he hurriedly scrolled up past the several texts between you two until he reached where he had initially made the plans for the picnic.

“See?” He pointed at the message in blue that indicated when he’d asked you to bring some sandwiches as the full meal and he’d provide drinks and chips and other goods. You rose your hand to hit yourself on the forehead, feeling so dumb for managing to screw this up even after such meticulous planning.

“Hey, it’s okay. We’ll just like… order a pizza or something. They deliver around here, I’m sure.” He smiled and you sort of imagined that this was what he meant whenever he tacked on a face to the end of his texts. It looked so much nicer in person, you had to admit.

You nodded and he called some local place, your mind wandering as you helped unpack what the two of you brought to assess the damage.

Both of you brought water, which was okay since you could never have enough especially on a day like today. Luckily, you brought one flavor of soda and Jaehyun brought another, so at least you had options. He’d also brought plain potato chips while you brought barbeque, having opted for a more “out-the-box” flavor thinking that Jaehyun might like it as much as yourself. He hadn’t thought to bring any sort of sweet so you patted yourself on the back for packing the small cakes.

Even though the two of you forwent the thought of an actual meal, all was not lost. There was enough variety amongst both your choices so in the end, it was okay.

Jaehyun had confirmed if the pizza was okay with you and with a swift nod, he had it sent off and you two were left to your own devices until it arrived.

In the meantime, you’d played Frisbee with the bright plastic disk Jaehyun packed and downed some of the water bottles, appreciating that they were chilled beforehand. The delivery man called Jaehyun and you breathed heavily as you laid next to him on the blanket, trying to catch your breath after running around with Jaehyun at your heels and some random dog chasing along the two of you.

“He’s here, I’m gonna try and wave him down, lemme know if you see him!” Jaehyun stood and searched with a hand over his eyes to shield from the devastating rays. You squinted past the lawn of the park and surveyed the area, seeing kids and kites and runaway squirrels but no man in bright red clothes and a dorky cap.

“D’ya see him yet?” Jaehyun propped himself up on his toes, as if that’d help him see better. When you looked in the opposite direction, turning your head to face the other half of the park, you felt your heart stop.

“Oh for fuck’s sake—”

“Oh! Y/N! I didn’t know you were here!” Seokjin beamed, as if he hadn’t been avoiding your messages and like nothing ever occurred between the two of you. Jaehyun approached where Seokjin stood by the blanket, already tugging his wallet out of his jeans and smiling widely at the newcomer.

“Hello, you know Y/N?” He began, pulling out his card to let the other man confirm his information.

As Seokjin pulled the pizza out from the insulated bag to hand over, he nodded excitedly.

“Y/N and I are really close, best friends even! As close as two people can get, really,”

“Without getting intimate, I should add,” You jumped into the conversation, smiling awkwardly at the idea of your overly affectionate best friend and possible-new-boyfriend initiating their first real interaction. It felt like something akin to bringing an ex to meet the new hubby, like walking on eggshells despite the two smiles amongst the guys.

Though Seokjin’s looked to have lacked the usual wanderlust it normally had, seeming pinched and forced while Jaehyun’s was smooth and typical. He hadn’t realized the daggers the other had been staring at him, too busy taking the food to set down.

The good thing about knowing Seokjin as long and as well as you did, meant you could read him easily.

The bad thing?

You could tell the minute things were going to go downhill.

It seemed innocent, Seokjin dropping the bag onto the floor and Jaehyun being a gentleman and getting it for him. That is until Seokjin nudged the poor boy as he got up and made him stumble with the pizza box in his hand, making him trip and let the pizza collapse on the floor, top wide open.

It could’ve been a complete accident and coincidence, how the smell of pepperoni and melted cheese carried with the breeze, utterly unplanned as the dogs that had been playfully wrestling some space away caught a whiff and broke into a mad dash into the direction, against their owner’s calls.

A truly unfortunate turn of events how the dogs devoured the food, slobbering on Jaehyun still on the ground while you watched in horror as sauce and crusts went flying, Seokjin doing a terrible job of hiding his wild laughter behind his hand.

It could’ve all been an accident.

“Jaehyun!” You rushed to bring him to his feet, trying to wipe away the remnants of dust, dirt and meat as it speckled across his torso, face and hair.  “Are you okay?”

He stuttered, trying to figure out what just happened in the brink of a few seconds.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean for that to happen, I’ll make it up to you, I swear!” Jaehyun promised as he picked at the stray leaves that itched at his scalp.

Amidst Seokjin’s snickers, you gave him the most pointed stare and softened it as you turned towards Jaehyun.

“Did you wanna get cleaned up? There’s a bathroom just down the path,” Jaehyun nodded and silently made his way down the stone road, you had waited until he was out of sight and earshot to finally turn the full brunt of your anger towards Seokjin, who was still laughing.

“What the fuck is your problem? I get it, I was an ass to you once but what the fuck? That was totally not cool!” Your face heated up as you tried to keep your volume to a minimum, for sake of the little ears nearby.

“What, that was an accident and it was funny as hell!” He squeaked with laughter as another wave crashed over him and made him bend at the middle, clutching his midsection. “You can’t seriously blame me for that!”

“You know Seokjin, there’s a lot I haven’t been able to pin on you but things sure get fishy whenever something is supposed to happen with Jaehyun and I.” You squinted your eyes, pointing a finger as Seokjin and jabbing him right in the cleft of his chest, where the annoying cartoon slice of pizza decal was printed on his uniform.

“Like how I magically lost all the gas I had put in my car, or how my boss strangely forgot the day I’d asked off or how all my clothes somehow ended up under my bed, where they’ve never been before?” Seokjin tugged at the collar of his shirt and readjusted the annoyingly bright red cap on his head, some of his fluffy locks slipping out from under and flopping down his forehead; wet with sweat.

“Isn’t it just so interesting how you’ve always told me how much you want me to stay with you on the days when I’m supposed to go out with him, and how something just always goes wrong right after I deny you that?” You scoffed, finally breaking the heated eye contact you held with him to look off into the distance, grimacing at the mess of cheese partly on the blanket by your feet.

“What, are you jealous?”

Seokjin’s eyes widened, mouth moving a million miles a minute.

“Wh-what?! No—what would even—that’s so fucking wrong, I mean—Y/N you’re crazy,” He sputtered, hands doing some strange back and forth motion as he tried to string together along a strain of sensible syllables.

You crossed your arms and gave him your best pointed look, not believing his word vomit for a second.

“C’mon Y/N, what do I have to be jealous about?” He tried to laugh it off, exaggerating it with a slap of his clothed thigh. “Jaehyun is nowhere near as good looking as me, there’s no way I’m jealous of him!”

“That’s not what I was implying.”

He gulped audibly, more sweat gathered on his brow as he took off his cap completely, running a hand through his dark cocoa locks and musing the sweaty, flattened hair with his fingers.

“What, you think I’m jealous because he’s the one who gets to send you smiley faces and hearts and every other cheesy, flirty text in the books? Because he gets to give you his jackets and call you sickeningly sweet nicknames, saving you in his phone with a little heart next to your name because I’m not.”

One of your eyebrows rose to your hairline, the other joining just as swiftly.

“Even though he isn’t half as good looking as me or has known you for a fraction as long as I have, he still gets to be the one to kiss you and lay in bed with you and go on cheesy, corny, cute as fuck picnic dates like this with you!”

At this point, Seokjin was fuming; seething with something that you couldn’t name but it certainly was nothing like his usual happy-go-lucky self.

“Jin?” You tested the waters, voice wavering as your anger dissipated the longer you saw just how affected Seokjin was. He was clearly further invested in this than you presumed, thinking he was just upset because he was losing quality time with his best friend.

“Fuck—Y/N, I… I think I fucking love you and I don’t know what to do about it because you’re out here dating guys that treat you millions of times better than I do and make you infinitely happier and I’m just some loser sitting at home and pining and scheming on ways to keep you from being happy and I—I’m just so fucking sorry, Y/N.”

Seokjin’s eyes were dewy, shiny and soft at the brown centers of his irises and his lips wobbled in a pout you never wanted to be faced with.

“Jin—Seok, I never knew.”

He laughed, bitter and dry as he ran another pass of his hand through his messed up mop of hair.

“Of course you didn’t know, because I was too chicken shit to tell you! Instead of being a man and telling you how I felt, I did this and I’m sorry. Please tell Jaehyun I am too, I’ll give you two some privacy for once. I’m really sorry, Y/N, please don’t hate me.”

“Seokjin, I could never—”

“Y/N, I got most of it off!” Jaehyun bounded back like he was one of the puppies that had attacked him earlier. He gestured to his now slightly damp but sauce free clothes, minus a few dabs here and there where grease and cheese caked in a little too much to be cleaned off with some sink water.

The knees of his jeans were still filthy with dirt but the shine of his smile did wonders in distracting eyes from his pants and you had to force yourself to return the warmth, despite feeling numb and cold in your fingertips.

“Uh, sir, I’m very sorry about all of that. I’ll be sure to free out the pizza and add a credit under your number, I can have the pizza remade and sent right out if you’d like.” Jaehyun waved his hand and shook his head.

“That’s okay, Y/N and I can just figure something else out. Maybe something a little less messy, huh?” He chuckled and you gave him a tight-lipped smile, trying to ignore the tingle in your knees.

“Well, either way I’m still very sorry. Please have a nice day and I hope the rest of your date goes well.” Jaehyun thanked him and asked you to help gather the picnic materials, choosing to pack it up to head to somewhere to sit down and eat.

As you two made your way through the park, under the shade of the brush and foliage, amongst twittering birds, you couldn’t help but focus more on the gravel crunching under your sneakers than Jaehyun’s usually melodious voice speaking animatedly about his brother’s new bird.

“And when he says something, it says it right back! Isn’t that the cutest?” He looked over to where you meandered, clearly distracted. “Hey, Y/N, are you okay?”

You tried to fake a smile, to be happy that you’re finally on the date you’ve been rescheduling day after day with a guy whom you’ve thought was running inside your dreams but as you began to recall the minute details, features became clearer and softer as you finally saw pink lips and dewy cheeks and broad shoulders and—

“Are you feeling alright?” Jaehyun stopped in front of you, holding you by the shoulders as you finally met his worried eyes.

“Uh, um,” You looked at him, how handsome he was and tender and cut so well along the edges. Yet, when you looked longer, you felt the tug in your tummy of wanting to see plush lips and open eyes, crooked fingers on wide palms to hold you like Jaehyun was right now. “N-not really, I think I’m coming down with something. Maybe it’s the trees, or something.”

He nodded understandingly, offering to take you home and even going as far as handing you his jacket so you don’t get too cold on the way home. You took it, for the sake of the ruse but you knew when you took it off to return it, it’d be the last time you accepted one from him.

Arriving home, you tried to come in as quietly as possible.

Unfortunately—when he was actually alert enough to his surroundings—Jeongguk had hearing like a hawk.

“What did you say to Jin?”

You rolled your eyes, trying to push away whatever this nagging feeling was that had been under your skin since the minute he said he loved you.

“Nothing! He went on a rampage while I was on my date, he delivered our pizza and basically destroyed our picnic.”

“Why do I feel like you’re exaggerating?” Jeongguk rounded the couch and sat on the arm of it, squinting at you suspiciously.

You threw your knitted bag on the ratty armchair before slumping next to it, utterly drained both physically and mentally.

“C’mon, you know Seokjin. It’s totally a possibility with him,”

“And yet, this time it isn’t.”

You sighed, subjected to your own worst enemy: the truth.

“He—He said he loved me, okay? He fucking made Jaehyun get attacked by dogs by making him drop the pizza and while he was gone he went through this whole angry confession thing where he basically broke down and apologized and told me he loved me and—”

“Woah, woah, time out Y/N!” Jeongguk made a T shape with his hands, eyes slightly bugged out. “Back up on the play there, take a breather and explain what you meant by ‘angry confession’?” He sat forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he tried to gain clarity from your words.

And with that, you explained everything in vivid detail, down to the last speck of dust that laid on Seokjin’s pretty cheekbones and Jeongguk smirked by the end of it all, muttering how he knew it all along.

“Know what? C’mon Guk, quit playing,”

He leaned back, arms behind his head.

“You love Jin.”

 ○ ◐ ●

 Jeongguk waves his hand at Seokjin’s words, mentioning how this was just so important that he had to leave right then and there.

“But Guk! It’s your apartment! You can’t just leave a guest here alone!”

“You’re not alone! You’ve got Y/N, plus you’re always saying you practically live here anyways so,” Jeongguk trailed off as he left the apartment, feigning that he had some important last minute project but in reality he was probably going over to Yoongi’s to fuck.

You were a coward. The biggest coward to ever cowardly coward in the history of cowarding.

Seokjin was there, watching cable television in your living room and heating up off brand pizza bagels and you were here, sitting in your underwear under your covers, thinking that you could possibly make yourself transport elsewhere by shutting your eyes tight and clutching the bed sheets harder.

bunny [12:44 PM]: quit being a wimp and DO SOMETHING

You [12:44 PM]: how do you know i’m not right now?

bunny [12:45 PM]: bc ur clearly texting me rn so

bunny [12:45 PM]: I know firsthand u can’t text while fucking

You [12:45 PM]: lies, you guys know how to jerk it while texting

You [12:46 PM]: it’s a gift and it’s not fair >:(

bunny [12:46 PM]: y/n shut up and go help jin get his dick wet

You locked your phone angrily and sat cross legged on your bed.

You shouldn’t have to do anything. You were doing just fine with a really great guy, Seokjin’s the one who had to get his own personal feelings involved and make it harder on you.

Jaehyun had been so nice about everything, every one of your half-assed excuses making it past him and he always took them in stride with smiley faces and dimpled grins.

That is, up until now.

jaehyun ✽ [12:58 PM]: hey, can i ask you something?

You [12:59 PM]: sure :D

jaehyun ✽ [12:59 PM]: do you have feelings for the pizza guy?

You [1:00 PM]: what pizza guy?

jaehyun ✽ [1:00 PM]: you know, the one that delivered the pizza to our picnic. you looked kinda… distracted, by him

jaehyun ✽ [1:01 PM]: it’s totally cool if you do, i mean i really liked you too but i get it if you had something going on before me

Was there something you could say to him? Could you explain why Seokjin suddenly made your heart race and why you no longer craved to see Jaehyun when you had Seokjin right there?

“Y/N! I think I broke your TV!” The voice came from the living room, tearing you out of your small crisis.

You let out an exasperated sigh at Seokjin before throwing on an oversized T-shirt and going out to inspect the damage. You hadn’t even forgone the thought of pants, feeling both exhausted and far too comfortable in your own home to have gone through that effort. Seokjin on the other hand, couldn’t take his focus from that tiny, insignificant detail.

“Um—Y/N, what are you…?” You looked at the TV screen, quickly figuring out that the issue was the AVI cord that sometimes jiggled out of place from the back. In the meantime, you tossed your locked phone onto the couch by Seokjin, trying to ignore his still roaming eyes.

As you reached behind the dusty TV, your phone buzzed and broke Seokjin from his trance to look over at the illuminated screen. When he read Jaehyun’s name followed by that same stupid flower, he felt something in him snap.

It’d been a few days since he said those dumb words to you, since you hadn’t said it back and anything else towards him.

And here you were, just waving your unclad ass in front of his face just to fucking tease him further, to mock his inability to take what he wanted.

“Seok, what are you doing?” He heard your small voice as he realized where he was.

Pressed up against you, already half hard at the action alone.

“What are you doing still texting him?” Seokjin lost his filter, lost his cool. He was tired of sitting on the sidelines and losing every chance to be the bigger man and have his shot to be with you. You tried to question him, asking him who he meant but it only made him press harder, your hands holding you up against the TV stand.

“You know who I’m talking about, the guy who doesn’t know how to keep his hands off what’s not his.”

“Yours?” You looked back incredulously, feeling more surprised than offended at the statement. Granted, you’re already shocked by Seokjin’s bold move along with his rapidly hardening length against your backside.

“I’ve known you for years now, been by your side as you cried over God knows what and when you bought your first vibrator and got too scared to use it. I know your favorite foods and colors and what makes you smile. And yet, he still gets to talk to you more than I do. When was the last time we spoke, Y/N?”

“I—” You stopped trying to come up with something that wasn’t as wimpy as ‘a week ago’ because you knew that wasn’t an answer Seokjin would appreciate.

“I’m sick and tired of staying quiet and letting him have all the fun with you, Y/N. I think it’s about time you forgot about him,” He pressed on harder, your t-shirt rising more and giving Seokjin more tantalizing skin to look at. “And have a taste of what you already have.”

His hands found purchase on your hips and made his grip more prominent, the touch feeling slightly chilly against the bare skin that now showed where your shirt rose.

“S-Seok, what are you trying to do?” You stuttered, straightening from where you were bent over but that didn’t phase Seokjin, his grip still iron clad despite your shirt cascading down over his hands and concealing them underneath. “I’m still allowed to text Jaehyun, he’s my friend and I—”

“But that’s not all he is, not according to him.” His fingers left indentions on your hips with how hard he was holding onto you now, channeling his emotions through the grip he had on you. “He thinks he has a chance, isn’t that just so cute? When clearly, you’re mine.”

At that, you pushed his hands off of you and whipped around to face Seokjin, feeling both bold and a little angered by what he was implying.

“Excuse me? Yours? Since when did you acquire that title?—Please, do tell since I fail to remember this little coronation.”

Seokjin fucking scoffed, as if the answer was clear as day.

“If you think that you pathetically admitting your undying affections for me after ruining a date I was happily on with a complete gentleman, then I’m sorry to say you’re sorely mistaken.” You placed your hands on your hips, feeling the slight bruising from where Seokjin’s hands had just been. His eyes flashed down a moment, relishing in your slight wince from what he’d done.

“You didn’t seem to think it was so pathetic, if this little get-up is anything to go by. Are you trying to entice me, Y/N? Because it’s working,” Seokjin’s hands creeped up your sides again, trying to get his hands everywhere his eyes had trailed already and you pushed them off you once more.

“This,” You gestured to your body and outfit, “is because I’m in my own home and I’m allowed to be comfortable in said home.”

Seokjin grew bolder with every waking minute, watching you heat up the longer he continued to play with you and your emotions.

“This,” He then mimicked you gesturing to your own body before continuing, “is driving me crazy and we both know you know better than to walk around like this with a guest in your apartment.” As he spoke, his hands returned, snaking under your shirt and gently grazing the open skin he could find. You shivered at the contact, trying to fight how Seokjin was getting under your skin just right.

“Maybe it wouldn’t drive you crazy if you weren’t in someone’s home uninvited and unwarranted.”

He chuckled darkly and in all the years you’d known Seokjin, you’ve never seen him so cocky and menacing. And never so hot.

“I was invited, sweetheart. But Jeongguk decided to be a bad friend and leave me to be someone’s booty call. I figured I’d at least make the most of it by being polite enough and wait for him but then you just had to show up wearing practically nothing—”

You made an affronted noise and he stopped mid-sentence to shoot you a glare, eyebrow arched as he questioned the interruption.

“I am wearing something, you asshole.”

And that was just the last grain of rice on the scale that tipped it right over the edge.

Seokjin’s hand abruptly left your body to tangle in your hair and yank your head back, exposing the column of your neck to him to which he eagerly helped himself to. He nosed up until he reached your ear, sucking right behind it and making you go weak at the knees—feeling like they’d buckle at any moment but Seokjin had a strong grip around your waist with the other arm.

His breath ghosted over your ear as he rasped, heady and dark to match his eyes.

“You want me to be an asshole, Y/N? I think I deserve more respect than that, I’ve been nothing but a cordial gentleman to you all this time. I kept my dirty, nasty thoughts about you to myself even when you test me with that sweet little ass of yours in all those slutty outfits, just begging to be bent over the kitchen counter and made into the bitch you are.”

This was nothing like the Seokjin you knew, his voice was laced with sinful intent and while you’d never explored the concept of being degraded like this, you couldn’t deny how aroused it made you feel and you couldn’t pinpoint if it was because of it coming from Seokjin himself or if it was just the idea of having someone dominant like this making you soaking wet.

“Oh, now you have nothing to say? You were making use of that smart mouth of yours before, what happened?” His voice trailed off as he sucked and bit along your neck where he snaked up to before, his fingers still tight in your hair and making your neck ache with the hard angle he held you at. “Tell me if you want to stop, love. All it takes is one word and I’ll go,” He whispered over your skin and that was more intimate than anything else he’d already said tonight.

Your mind was running at a million miles a minute and you fought Seokjin’s hand in your hair until he realized and let go, giving you the widest eyes you’ve ever seen. He began to apologize, thinking he’d crossed some line but when you were finally free from his grip, you made your own move and lurched forward to finally taste the lips that were haunting your dreams.

He made a noise out of surprise, mind not catching up with what was happening until your tongue swiped against his mouth and he finally wrapped his arms around you and returned the lip lock. It was hot and heady and he loved how you tasted like the mint toothpaste you kept in your bathroom, cold against his tongue.

You broke apart to catch your breath, coming in rapid puffs and Seokjin returned to the role he’d enjoyed taking part in before.

His hands went from caressing your back to cupping your ass, bringing you closer against him to feel the hardness at your hip, straining against the dark wash jeans he’d worn today. You suppressed a small yelp at the motion, caught off guard and still not used to being manhandled in such a way but you didn’t give Seokjin any negative signals to stop so he prodded further by kneading the flesh of your behind and going as far as giving it a harsh smack.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that,” He smirked and you bit your lip in anticipation, his hands trailing up and taking the hem of your shirt in his fingers. With a quirked brow and an eager nod from you, he pulled the shirt up and off your frame, eyes instantly going to your body to look at it in all its glory. He cursed under his breath and let his thumbs rub up and down your waist line, feeling the skin dip under his fingers and wanting nothing more than to mark and claim you as his; to bruise you and make you ache for days.

“Seok?” You spoke softly, Seokjin’s eyes on you for longer than you’d like especially with how riled up he managed to get you in the past few minutes.

“You’re never allowed to see that guy again,” Was all he said before he picked you up over his shoulder like a fireman and you squealed at the action, hitting his back with closed fists and begging him to put you down. Despite your flailing, Seokjin kept a pretty sturdy grip on you and he proved his strength with carrying you all the way to the bedroom, leaving the door wide open and tossing you onto the bed with a bounce.

“Finish stripping,” He began, undoing the tie he’d worn along with his baggy dress shirt. While strangely formal/casual, his outfit was nothing short of attractive on him and you were distracted by the sight of him unbuttoning his top, so much so that it had Seokjin frowning at you.

“Listen love, I know I’m drop dead gorgeous but I asked you do something. Do you really want to see what happens when you disobey my orders?” You shook your head and resumed taking off your undergarments, feeling the slight awkward hitch of being totally nude in front of your best friend. Seokjin however, didn’t seem to feel that hiccup as he let his eyes hungrily rake over you on the mattress.

He finally was down to his briefs, dark in color like his jeans, and he was about to make a move onto the bed when the two of you heard the sound of a phone ringing in the living room.

“Oh! That’s the ringtone I set for Jaehyun,” You automatically began to sit up and move off the bed, a habit from when you were still head over heels for the boy, and that didn’t seem to sit well with Seokjin. He pushed you back onto the bed, slapping your thigh when you tried to cross your legs shut and holding you down with a hand at your neck.

“What did I tell you about him?” He seethed.

“You said I’m never allowed to see him again, not talk to him on the phone.”

That little retort earned you another slap on the thigh, twice as hard as the one before and you hissed at the sting, trying to ignore the jump in your heartrate from the pain.

“There’s that smart mouth again,” Seokjin spat and he released you from his hand to turn back to the puddle of clothes that were pooled on your bedroom floor. In the mass of it all, he pulled out the inky tie he was wearing, returning to the bed swiftly and taking each of your wrists into one of his hands. “You need to learn your place and who you belong to, angel.”

You watched helplessly (and painfully aroused by the sight) as Seokjin wrapped a knot around your wrists with the loose tie before turning you on your side and smacking your ass, urging you to turn completely onto your stomach. As you silently relented, Seokjin took the time to admire your backside and finish securing the tie around your metal bedframe, setting it in a pretty little bow.

It was very ‘Jin’ of him, to make something so dirty and callous pretty to the eyes.

“Now, I’m going to eat you out until your crying into that pillow of yours and if you have a problem with that, I suggest you tell me now.” You shook your head and tugged on the restraint, feeling the taut ribbon around your wrists form a strict vice, keeping you immobile. “But first, I plan on making you ache for me.”

And with that, he began to suck, nip and bite along your body, leaving no spot unmarked and untouched by his sinful lips. He placed hickey after hickey on your body, bruises so sharp you could only squirm as he would suck another into your skin. Seokjin made his way down until he was faced with your dripping arousal, finger swiping through the wetness that developed there and making you muffle a moan into the pillow.

He spanked the inside of your thigh, making your legs unconsciously spread further. He then used a hand at your abdomen to pull you up into a position where your torso and face where smushed into the bed but you still were on your knees, ass up for Seokjin.

“Don’t even think about hiding those precious noises, you’ll be punished if you do.” He rasped against your thigh before sucking another trail of hickies there. After teasing you for so long, Seokjin finally began to lap around your folds and you had to force yourself from burying your face into the pillow as he literally ripped moans out of you.

His hands stayed on your ass and thighs, alternating spreading you to reach further, to bury his tongue as deep as possible and kneading the flesh as you begged for more—for anything more he could give you.

Seokjin chuckled with his tongue inside you, the vibrations making you shake and shiver while you continued to writhe in the makeshift handcuffs. He slipped down lower to suck on your clit, bringing one of his hands close enough to dip a finger inside you. The dual sensations drove you mad, moaning unintelligibly as Seokjin passed his tongue over the sensitive nub while simultaneously stroking your walls, adding a second finger to aid in searching for that one spot that’d make you scream his name.

At this point, you were sobbing into the pillow, needing more than just his mouth and you made sure to vocalize that.

The sound of you begging so prettily for Seokjin had him pulling away, admiring his handiwork. He gave you another sharp spank on the ass, watching the meat jiggle before deciding that enough was enough.

He dove in once more, much to your chagrin—your protests falling on deaf ears as Seokjin progressed further in making you into a pool of putty. His tongue and fingers were on double time, making your breath catch in your throat as he quite literally sucked an orgasm out of you. You trembled in the aftershocks, Seokjin not once letting up in his ministrations until you cried for him to stop, that it was just too much.

“I’m not quite finished yet, doll. You still have to prove to me that you’re mine.” Seokjin pulled down his briefs and let his cock slap his abdomen, finally being released from the tight confines. He took himself into his hand, fucking the grip and letting his head roll back from the sweet relief the friction gave him.

“Seokjin, please,” You whimpered, barely able to look behind you to see Seokjin stroking himself while you were still bound against the bed, pulse racing from the recent orgasm. He stopped to look over at you, his own heart clenching at your voice so utterly wrecked for him and how sweet your body was, all presented for him like a goddamn gift.

“Please what?” He grinned like the cat that got the cream, devilishly awaiting for you to finally give him what he wanted.

“Please, fuck me.” You gritted, fighting your own humiliation to admit what your desires were. Seokjin was more than pleased with your request and he had no problem with obliging.

“You still on the pill, doll?” You nodded against the sheets, face heating up at the thought of Seokjin going in raw and you tried to deny the idea of it being so damn hot.

Before he relented however, you felt the mattress dip as he moved from behind you until he was instead kneeled by your face, up close to where your hands were tied down to. You were met with a face full of his cock, red and hard—achingly so by the looks of it. The head was glistening and your eyes trailed up to meet Seokjin’s own hard gaze.

“What’re you looking at? Go on, get me wet for you.”

You breathed hard before leaning forward as much as you could, on wobbly knees with the lack of steadiness your hands would normally provide for you. Giving his length kittenish licks, it didn’t seem to please Seokjin as he gripped your hair hard and pulled you back, nearly making you fall from the sudden imbalance. He growled at you to get him wet, not to tease, and quite forcefully pushed his cock into your mouth.

You gagged around his length, letting him use you as he fucked into the wet cavern, tongue trying to keep up with his thrusts. It was sloppy and you were drooling all over him and yourself, something that you’re sure Seokjin didn’t mind as he groaned and fucked your throat raw.

“That’s good enough, pet.” He ripped himself away and returned behind you, biting down once more on your ass cheek before spreading you open and licking his lips at the sight of you. He asked one final time if everything was okay and you just whined in response, squirming in place in anticipation for the inevitable.

His lip was in-between his teeth as he entered you, inch by agonizing inch until he was fully seated inside you and he slumped over your back, hand coming up to stroke where your hands were bound. Seokjin gave you time to adjust, pressing kisses at the nape of your neck until you whispered for him to move, and that was his cue.

He held nothing back, fucking you just as hard and relentless as he’d eaten you out. With hungry fervor, he wrecked you with every snap of his hips; rendering you helpless.

“Such a good little slut, taking everything and so much more,” He panted hard as he exerted more force and made you shift up the mattress. “You beg for it so prettily, made to take my cock,” You whimpered in response and clenched your grip around the black restraints as Seokjin brought you closer to your second orgasm, much quicker than the first time with all the overstimulation deliciously stinging up your nerves.

The sounds of sex were loud in the bedroom, Seokjin’s harsh thrusts audible to even the most innocent of ears and you worried if the neighbors could hear the bed frame banging against the wall, knowing full and well what the noise was of, paired with your muffled moans and whimpers.

His hand came down hard, spanking you and then gripping the stinging flesh as he reminded you not to mute yourself, forcing you to keep your head up until he finally slammed against that one spot inside you that fucked the orgasm out of you.

Seokjin hissed as you clenched tighter around him, fucking you harder and quicker until he finally came deep inside, the heat rushing through you and making you cry out.

He pulled out slowly, watching as his release dribbled out of you and spattered on your thighs. He cursed and tried to catch his breath, hand on your hip to keep you from collapsing under him.

“Baby,” He panted, barely scrummaging up enough energy to untie you, quickly falling onto the bed next to you. You laid there for a moment, not even paying attention to your freed hands as everything slowly came back to you in full color. You rolled over on your back, wincing at the bruises that littered your back liberally—you felt them everywhere and just laying down hurt.

Seokjin looked over at you, concerned but you waved him off, gently laying back down after arching your body off the bed before to try and minimalize the contact to your back. Turning your head to face Seokjin, you gave him a half-lidded smile and he returned it in full sentiment, bringing you close to him as softly as possible to keep from hurting you further.

“I didn’t go too hard, did I? I’m sorry for hurting you,” You shook your head, moving forward to give him a peck before settling against his chest, stroking circles and figure eights on his pectorals.

“It was great, Seok, I really enjoyed it, thought I made that sorta obvious,” You breathlessly laughed and Seokjin joined you, before remembering that he had to clean you up. He reached for the tissues you kept on your night stand and gently snuck down to wipe away at the excess come that leaked out of you and wherever else it managed to get on.

He tossed the tissues out in the nearby wastebasket and held you to his side, rubbing your back lovingly.

“If you couldn’t already tell, I love you too.” You began to speak softly, not looking up as you continued to make patterns on Seokjin’s skin. “But next time, don’t mess with me like that. Just tell me up front, okay?” He chuckled and agreed, though he made sure to enunciate that his feelings were genuine and that he hoped there wasn’t going to be a next time since your dates from now on will be with him and no one else.

Seokjin pulled the covers over the two of you and let his eyes drift shut, having already listened to your breathing even out as you fell asleep cuddled up to Seokjin.

Jeongguk had returned home and made his way to his room, not without stopping by the wide open door of your bedroom to spot the pile of clothes and the two naked bodies wrapped around each other. He smiled fondly and muttered under his breath, “Fucking finally,” before going into his room, shooting a text to Yoongi to tell him his plan had worked and he won the bet, earning a blow job from the other.

Seokjin shifted next to you and you drowsily held onto him tighter, the warm body easing your mind and lulling you back to sleep easily. The two of you smiled in your slumber, happy to have finally succumbed to the thoughts your dreams had been giving you endlessly.

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[mediummediocrebitch]

The Last Time

Chris sat on the train, hat pulled low and sunglasses hiding his eyes, he was hunkered down in an oversized jacket that smelled like him. Just a few more hours and he’d be home. He didn’t know where it had all gone wrong all he knew was it had. It was all just a blur in his mind now that he thought back on things. A whirlwind romance stemming from an established friendship that faded into a mess of insecurities and lies leading to the broken state he was left in today, short both a friend and a lover.

For years now, they’d known something was brewing between them, since the first Cap movie back in 2010. Their chemistry was instantaneous. They’d gone to the bar after their first day of filming together and grabbed a beer, the comradery between them coming as easily as it would for two old friends, they’d talked until last call and then they’d found a park and continued their conversation until they could see the sun rising on the horizon. They’d gotten Hell from the makeup artists the next day for the bags under both of their eyes but it had been worth every second. They’d been inseparable after that. Even after not talking for weeks at a time they could fall back into each other with a grace of familiarity as if no time had passed at all. By the time Winter Solider was set to begin filming in 2012, he’d felt his feeling becoming harder and harder to hide. He was the kind of guy who wore his heart on his sleeve, he was also a romantic at heart and couldn’t stop himself from thinking about how much he’d regret missing this opportunity if he didn’t go for it, so in the most cliché way ever, he waited until Valentine’s Day of 2014. Sebastian had been out of his previous relationship for almost four months now and didn’t seem to be too torn up about the fling either, so he had felt confident enough to make his move.

He asked him out through a long-winded text message. He’d have loved to do it in person but Sebastian was off filming in Washington State and he was in New York. He knew Sebastian would be back the week after next but he couldn’t wait any longer. It had taken him so long to hype himself up to ask in the first place. So, he put it all on the line.

Seb, you know you’ve become one of my dearest friends over the past three years, the first time I met you I felt like I’d known you all my life. Everything comes easier when I’m with you and I know that I’ll be kicking myself for the rest of my life if I don’t at least put myself out there. So, with that said, I need to tell you how I really feel. Sebastian, I love you. I think I’ve been falling for you since that first night I met you and over the past three years it’s just been building and building and I can’t keep these feelings inside anymore. I’ll understand if you don’t feel the same way but I just have to let you know how I feel, just in case there’s the slightest chance that you feel the same. I have to give it a try. I know you’ve been out of your relationship for some time now, but if it’s still too soon, that’s ok. Just be honest with me. I really want to give this a try. I want to give us a try if you’ll let me. You’re the most amazing man I’ve ever met. And if you don’t feel the same, please don’t let this affect our friendship, I’ll always still be here for you in all the ways I always have been. But if you do feel the same, I’d be honored if you’d let me give loving you a try.

Chris had hit send on the message before checking it for typos or re-reading it to make sure it made sense. He was pretty good at getting his emotions out in writing, better than he was doing it through speech, so he was pretty sure that it at least made sense. He knew that if he’d had time to mull over the text he wouldn’t have sent it. So he hit send and then literally threw his phone across the room, before sitting in the dark in his studio apartment, heart racing in his chest.

-

It had only taken an hour and twenty minutes to get a reply back, his phone still lying on the floor where he’d thrown it when it began buzzing and chiming. He’d almost jumped out of his skin. He’d been reading over a few recipes trying to figure out what he wanted to make for himself for dinner that night. He’d almost tripped over himself to get to his phone where it laid on the floor.

‘Seb’ read the caller ID. With a deep breath, he’d answered.

“Yes…” Sebastian’s voice had sounded almost breathless down the line, “Yes, Chris, I love you too… so much, I have for such a long time.”

And that was the beginning.

-

They didn’t get to see each other much in the first few months of their relationship. Sebastian had come back to New York less than a week before Chris was set to leave for principal photography for Age of Ultron. They’d gotten four days and their first official date together before Chris had needed to leave.

It had been sweet. The two of them were both nervous, on top of not wanting to be spotted because they weren’t out to the media yet, they were, for the first time, nervous to be around one and other. The pretenses dropped though about halfway through an awkward meal at a far too upscale sushi restaurant when Sebastian had finally just blurted out.

“Shouldn’t you be at home packing? You have to leave in two days.” To which Chris had agreed, Sebastian had laid his hand on Chris’s from across the table and with a genuine smile he said, “Then let’s get out of here, I’ll help you pack, movies and junk food once we’re done, on me?”

Chris had only been able to grin back, and they’d paid for their meal and left. Their first official date they’d considered to be that night after the dinner, as they ransacked Chris’s apartment trying to throw everything he’d need for traveling to another country for two months. They’d both collapsed, too tired to even go out to grab snacks to make up for the lack of dinner they’d eaten and they’d fallen asleep against one and other.

-

The voice mail had come out of the blue. At least that’s what it had felt like for him. It had been six months. They were finally about to have a full week off where they’d be able to see each other for more than a day or two. That’s why it had come as a surprise when Chris had received the message.

“Hey, Chris, I’m sorry to leave a message like this, but I’m about to get on a plane, and then I’m going to be really busy, speaking of, these last few months have been really busy, and I just picked up another side project, I’m not going to be able to see you next week after all, and after that, I’m not sure when we’ll be able to see each other, my agents got me in the works to possibly do something on Broadway and I know you’ve got the press tour for Ultron coming up. Maybe it would be best if we just put this on hold for now. I’m not saying that we’re over, but I don’t think I’m equipped to handle a relationship currently. I love you, and I don’t want you to think we can’t still be friends. But I really think it would be in both of our best interests to take a break for now.”

Chris had felt numb. Not angry, and not upset, but numb. Numb and confused. The relationship had seemed to be going well, as far as long distance was concerned. They talked every day, skyped every other day and constantly texted each other when they had free moments. He’d thought they’d been happy.

He’d dragged himself back home to his dark, lonely, shoebox of an apartment. He was playing Captain America for god’s sake, he should’ve upgraded from this hole in the wall a long time ago. But the truth was, he didn’t usually spend all the long in it. Right now though, he was wishing he had because the size of it was stifling. Too small and closing in on him. Or maybe that was just his mind.

He’d fallen into a restless sleep that night. And the months after that weren’t much better. The press tour was nice. It took his mind off of things, getting to spend time with Chris and Scarlett turned out to be a saving grace. Scarlett was a longtime friend of his who he rarely got to see these days either and Hemsworth could always put a smile on his face. So even without Sebastian. He didn’t feel so alone. At least not during the day. It was the nights that were what killed him. He wondered if he hadn’t fought hard enough for it. He hadn’t even had been able to call him back for a week after the voicemail and even then, it had been a short talk. A short talk where Chris had just agreed with everything Sebastian had said, even though inside his heart was breaking. He didn’t want to force the man into anything he didn’t want. Besides, it was just a break, Sebastian had said he didn’t want them to really be over. The little voice inside of his head told him that was bullshit though, most people that went on “breaks” never got back together. Yet here he was still holding a candle of hope out.

-

They’d got back together against his brains better judgment. He couldn’t fight his heart on how much he still wanted Sebastian. It was December of 2014. Not even four months after Sebastian had said he’d wanted to take a break that they’d fallen back into each other’s arms. It kind of fucked him up now that he thought back on it. It had all started when he’d gotten a text the day after Thanksgiving from Sebastian,

­I finished all my projects finally. I don’t have anything lined up until we start filming for Civil War. I’m sorry I left you hanging for this long, but I miss you. Please, if you don’t hate me. I’d love to catch up.

Chris couldn’t help it, his heart started to race and he’d agreed immediately. It was as if those months of hurt didn’t even exist. He’d even said as much when they’d finally met again for a long-awaited hug. Sebastian had started to babble apologies but Chris had hushed him, saying it was all in the past, and he wanted him back too.

A few days later they had their first kiss. It was crazy to think that they’d been together for a good six months without as much as a kiss. But this was their first kiss. The kiss was everything he could’ve hoped it would be. Their noses bumped in urgency as their lips rushed to meet each other’s for the first time, they’d pulled away blushing and laughing at their eagerness before Sebastian looked back at him and cupped his face, this time bringing their lips slowly towards each others again. Their mouths moved together seamlessly and Chris had wondered how he’d lived this long without Sebastian’s mouth on his own. After the first awkward fumble, their kisses had turned more heated, and soon, they’d found themselves in Sebastian’s bed. It was clear that it was not Sebastian’s first time with a man, but it had been his, and he couldn’t help but be in awe of every sound and sensation Sebastian was able to draw out of him.

He remembered everything like it was clear as day. He curled up in the train car, he still had a good ten hours to go, he might as well try to sleep. But right now, he knew he needed to pull himself together. If the waterworks started now he didn’t know if he’d be able to stop them. He hated that he hadn’t been able to get a flight, but the decision to go straight from Atlanta to Boston instead of from New York had been very last minute and with it being at the peak of the holiday rush, meaning, three days before Christmas, flights were crammed. He was surprised at how empty the train was though. Every passenger on this ride had seemed to choose to be spaced out every other row, there wasn’t a passenger in front of, next to, or behind him and he was glad for small miracles. He squeezed his eyes shut behind his sunglasses and tried to will away the memories, the feelings of Sebastian’s hands on his skin. Even now, it had been so long ago. Hell, months had passed since the last time they’d really been together, but it was all coming crashing down now. They’d been on yet another “break” in their relationship since three months ago. Chris had a feeling that sooner or later Sebastian would ask to try again, but he wasn’t going to give in. He wasn’t sure what the guy was afraid of, commitment it seemed, all of Sebastian’s previous relationships had been brief.  He’d thought for a while he was different considering that they’d been dating for technically three and a half years, but thinking back he wasn’t, their breaks were as frequent as the time between the flings Sebastian would have. That first “break” had been the first of many throughout those three years, he wouldn’t have been surprised if he went back and counted now to find that they hadn’t been together for more time than they had. He didn’t know what made him so different that meant Sebastian was keeping him solely around, in fact, until now, Chris had still been holding out for another reunion, but after almost four years. His heart couldn’t take it anymore. He’d talked to his friends, fallen apart in Scarlett’s trailer last week after filming the final scenes for Infinity War with Sebastian and told her everything, everything that had been going on in the past three years. And realized he couldn’t do this to himself anymore.

The more he thought about it the more he felt ashamed of that lapse, but he’d literally had a panic attack after the cameras had stopped rolling and he’d had to get away from him. Scarlett’s trailer had been the closest and he needed water, he had needed to sit down, he needed to breathe, without people looking at him, without the possibility of Sebastian seeing. And so he’d barged in, Scarlett had stood up startled from where she’d been facetiming her daughter, Chris didn’t remember much of it, but he remembered her calming voice, how she led him over to her couch and helped him lay down, how she’d gotten him water, and how he’d immediately burst into tears like a fucking teenage girl. But she’d listened, she’d told her daughter that she’d talk to her again in a little while and had gone to tend to him, he was more embarrassed the more he thought about it, but he had just needed someone, anyone, to listen.  And she had, so he’d told her everything. Everything that had happened in the past few years with Sebastian. Sebastian, who had seemed perfectly fine and at peace with the world while Chris tried not to hyperventilate in his presence during the wrap for filming. How had he not been able to see he was dying? Chris really did deserve an Oscar if he did say so himself. He felt like he’d cried for hours that day, yet here he was, still with more tears left to cry. He curled in farther on himself, he just wanted to get home. To his family, to his parents, to his brothers and sisters and to his dog. God he missed Dodger so much right now.

And then it hit him… Fuck… the realization had been so sudden that he hadn’t had a moment to explain that they weren’t together anymore. He’d really thought up until last week that they would be back together by now. His family was expecting Sebastian to show up with him for Christmas. Well fuck. He could call them now and tell him that Sebastian wouldn’t be coming but he was afraid that even uttering his name at this point would set him off the deep end. He’d just have to show up. It would already be a surprise that he was a few days early, what was adding the fact that he was single onto it? It would be a surprise. As far as his family knew he and Sebastian had been dating smoothly for three years now. He hadn’t bothered notifying them at every little “break” they took. Disillusioned he was.

God, the more he thought about it the stupider he felt. How could he have been so fucking stupid? He’s not a teenager anymore, new to love, he’s been around the block a time or two, he’s more than experienced yet he’d let his heart go completely with Sebastian. And Sebastian? Sebastian hadn’t fucking cared at all, he really hadn’t, what the hell had he really been to him anyway? A distraction? A warm body? A confidence boost? All three? He obviously hadn’t meant much. Anyone who he was willing to toy around with so much must’ve not meant much… but was it really fair to think that? Was he taking the easy way out and trying to channel anger and point blame in a situation that really wasn’t anyone’s true fault? Or was it naïve to think that Sebastian didn’t really realize what he was doing? Scarlett had told him she thought it was, but she didn’t know Sebastian like Chris knew Sebastian. Sebastian wouldn’t hurt him like this on purpose.

The truth was, he and Sebastian were quite the fucked-up pair. Chris, with his anxiety, depression, and extreme insecurities, and Sebastian with his own anxiety and the ever-present need to please others. They both dealt with anxiety, but their anxiety manifested itself in two entirely different ways, while Chris’s anxiety was almost entirely an internal battle, Sebastian’s radiated internally and externally, he dealt with the same insecurities, but his anxiety also manifested in an outward need to please, and an incessant string of pent-up energy, energy that would radiate off of him, most people took it for him being charismatic, when really it was a front, a front to which he propelled all that anxious energy. Sebastian was most definitely a people person, but at times he could be overly outgoing and impulsive, and the truth was, with his mind buzzing all the time, Sebastian would sometimes forget to stop and think. Chris had a feeling that in the moments when Sebastian would call or text to say he needed a break, he was in one of his frenzied states. He always got into those before big projects, and then he’d throw himself into those projects, and when he was done with them and calm again, he’d decide he was ready to come back. Chris understood that part of it, and he knew he couldn’t blame Sebastian for that part of himself, but the part that he didn’t understand was how Sebastian couldn’t understand how much he was hurting him? Sure, Sebastian lacked forethought sometimes, but didn’t he ever have the time to stop and think afterward? Did he really just not realize how much pain he was continuing to inflict by leaving¸ over and over and over again?

That’s the part he didn’t get. How was it possible for someone to be that oblivious and not be a little bit at fault? He hated blaming Sebastian because, in his heart, he still loved him, but maybe he wasn’t wrong, it wasn’t diabolical by any means, this was all an accident, but that doesn’t mean that someone still wasn’t at fault for it. People cause accidents all the time without meaning to, but they’re still at fault. Maybe this was just one of those instances.

Coming to this conclusion still didn’t make Chris feel any less stupid though.

-

The train lurched to a stop and Chris woke with a start at the chimes of departure that played overhead. His heart pounded in his chest as he lurched upright, feeling disoriented. 17 hours already? He really must have needed that sleep.

Anyway, he was here now and it was time to face the music.

So I really have no excuse for this except for that I needed to get my feelings about my last relationship out. And Damn. I really didn’t know how much needed this. I just projected all my feelings from my past relationship on to Chris and Sebastian. Sebastian being my ex and me being Chris. This was so therapeutic I have tears in my eyes. To any of you who took the time to read this, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the angst and I’m sorry you wasted your time. I only posted this so I’d have somewhere to let my friend who wanted to read this read it, and to put it out in the world in a symbolic sense of letting it all go. Part II coming soon, it’s going to consist of Chris generally falling apart all over again in detail, it’s going to be really angsty and self-loathing so get ready for that if you want more.  

#sophie writes

[thorne93]

First Impressions (Part 15)

Prompt: Imagine your friend, Anthony Mackie, brings you with him to an event and introduces you to his friend, Sebastian, who’s blown away by you. He immediately starts flirting and acting silly because you make him nervous and he just wants to impress you

Warnings: flirting (adult style), language (always, with me, come on), and drama (later on in the fic) angst...

Word Count: 3755

Notes: If anyone has kids or wives out of the celebrities mentioned, in this universe, they sort of don’t exist….Just for the sake of keeping it concise. Beta’d by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes (because shes perfectly amazing) and I could NOT, not, just not have done any of this at all without my amazing girl, @amarvelouswritings

So sorry this is late. I was very sick (still am, but getting better) and I was waiting on my beta ;)

Forever Tags: @amarvelouswritings @cocosierra94 @essie1876 @magpiegirl80 @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @harleyquinnandscarletwitch @iamwarrenspeace @marvel-imagines-yes-please @superwholocked527 @myparadise1982sand @missinstantgratification @thejulesworld @rda1989 @marvelloushamilton @munlis  @bubblyanarocks3​ @thefridgeismybestie​ @random-fluffy-pink-unicorn @hardcollectionworldtrash @igiveupicantthinkofausername @kaliforniacoastalteens​

Sebastian Stan Tag: @nedthegay @lostinspace33 @alwayshave-faith @elleatrixlestrange @buenostardissherlock  @lenawiinchester​ @the-red-world-of-jess-chibi​ @memory-of-a-goldfish

Chris Evans Tag (Normally wouldn’t, but he’s featured a lot): @nedthegay​ @camigt1999​  @lostinspace33​​ @alwayshave-faith​ @elleatrixlestrange

First Impressions Tag: @goodnightwife​​ @spacemarkimoo​ @masha-meow01​ @axelinchen @smuoooshie​ @hollycornish @seargantbcky @mellsstark @lyfewithtrish @cinema212 @sophiealiice @yes-this-is-doggo @sky-weirdo @feelmyroarrrr  @scamandaaaamn

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“How did it go?” Hayden asked as he came into your bedroom where you were laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling and smoking. Once he saw you, he answered his own question. “Ah, that good, eh?”

“Hay...” you started before he climbed on the bed and kissed you to quiet you and your worries.

“Why don’t you just tell him how you feel?” he asked as he took the cigarette and took a puff.

“Because I did...and it scares me,” you admitted. “I’ve never felt this way with anyone.”

“I know that,” he said, still smoking. You turned to face him.

“And I don’t want the greatest love of my life to turn into the biggest heartache…”

He sighed beside you as he turned to face you and put his arm over you. “You can’t live your life like this. Wondering if everything will turn out alright. Worried or terrified if it won’t.”

“Hay--”

He gave you a look that made you stop talking. “I know...I know you’ve been hurt by people. I know you’ve opened yourself up and they destroyed your trust and love. So I know...I know how scary this is for you.”

“So what do I do? Just take the plunge?” you asked.

“You give faith a shot,” he tried.

“And then what? What if my fear of committing and his ability to commit to everything blows up in our face?”

“I doubt it would. Think about it,” he tried. “You’re only fearful because of losing a guy, right? Clearly that’s not going to be the case with him.”

“But what if we stay around each other too long and we begin to resent everything about each other? I mean, he was with Marissa for seven months, and he couldn’t stand her for five of them. I don’t want that for us.”

“No one does. But do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering ‘what if?’ or would you rather find out for yourself?”

“Are you back to the whole ‘better to have loved and lost’ thing?” you questioned, groaning.

“I am. Because it’s true. You know it too. Even when some of the guys were major assholes, there were still good memories with some of them, right?”

You reluctantly agreed. “Well, yeah.”

“So see? It’s not all bad. I can’t tell you what to do, Y/N,” he said as he put the hair behind your ear. “I’ll tell you to follow your heart. I’ll be here for you no matter your choice.”

You smiled gently at him, grabbing his hand and lacing your fingers through it. “How did I ever deserve someone like you?”

“You’re damned pretty, that’s how,” he said before he kissed your nose. “Now, pizza or take out? We’re having a movie night, we’re curling up on the couch, and we’re taking your mind off this.”

“Take out.”

“Okay then. I’ll order it while you find a movie and get the couch setup.”

“Yes, sir,” you said as you laughed.

--------------------------

A buzz woke you up from your nice, deep slumber.

“Birthday Party for Sebastian. Next Sunday. 4:00 PM!”

Invite from Bee. Joy. You put your phone back on the nightstand and got comfortable again as Hayden wrapped his arm around you. You two had a very laid back night and you didn’t think about Sebastian for the rest of the night...well, tried not to. The Romanian prick invaded your mind more than once without permission.

You wanted to be with Sebastian, of course you did. But between hiding that he was with someone and your fear that the relationship will fall apart like all the others, you just weren’t ready to do that. To ruin the friendship. Although...you weren’t too sure that wasn’t already happening.

“We’re invited to Sebastian’s birthday party,” you said sleepily with your eyes closed.

“Mmm, guess we need to go gift shopping,” he hummed to you.

“I’m not going.”

“It’s up to you,” he said quietly.

--------------

Once you were actually up for the day, you responded to the invite.

“I’m not coming,” you sent via text. You could’ve lied and said you couldn’t make it. Said you were sick at the last second. Said you needed to take your dog to the vet, but you hated lying. There was no point to do it. The situation between you and Sebastian was already fucked all to hell anyway, lying to your mutual friend wouldn’t help anything.

It didn’t surprise you at all to get a call from her as soon as you sent it.

“Hello?”

“Hi. What do you mean you aren’t coming?” she demanded.

“I thought it was pretty self explanatory,” you sarcastically replied.

“No shit. I mean, why aren’t you coming?”

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea,” you admitted as you poured your second cup of coffee.

“It’s his fucking birthday. You’re coming,” she insisted angrily.

“Precisely my point. It’s his birthday. I’m not going to ruin it with my presence there.”

“How would you ruin it?” she wondered, annoyance in her tone.

“I think it would be awkward. I don’t think he would have a good time with me there. It would be a sore reminder that we’re...not on the best of terms.”

“So don’t come as Y/N the complicated girl. Come as Y/N his best friend,” she tried.

“Bee…”

“Please? Just come. I think he would really want you there.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Okay, you think about it, and meanwhile I’ll hunt you down and drag you to the party myself.”

You laughed. “I’d like to see you try,” you said teasingly.

“Just please come,” she said in a more serious tone.

“I will think about it,” you vowed.

“Alright, I guess that’s all I can ask.”

-------------------------

“Come on, man! Let’s do another shot,” Anthony said as he tried to call Sebastian over from the kitchen.

Sebastian nodded to his friend and waved, signaling he would be over in a second.

“Chris, do something,” Brittney said to her husband in a hushed whisper as they gazed on to the birthday boy. He looked so depressed. Anyone could clearly see that. He barely smiled all night. Barely engaging in the drinking games and mingling.

It was 6:15 PM. You were supposed to be there by now and you weren’t. You and Sebastian hadn’t seen each other the entire week because he had to go to New York for a promo and an interview and you had to do the same in LA, so filming for your project was on hold.

“What do you want me to do?” he asked.

“I don’t know. Cheer him up, he’s your best friend.”

“I think we both know what’s got him down and nothing I do is gonna help. Unless I grow tits,” he said before drinking his beer. Brittney hit him on his arm, playfully.

“Ugh. I hate seeing him like this, especially on his birthday. I don’t see how she couldn’t come,” she said, getting angry.

“Bee,” he chastised softly.

“I know, I know, it’s not our place,” she said, mocking her husband’s voice of righteousness. “I just….why wouldn’t she come?”

“Well, according to Seb, they still don’t know where they stand,” Chris informed, his eyes following Sebastian to the table in the giant living room where he was going to do some more shots. Some of the Marvel cast was there, along with other friends of Sebastian’s.

He was on his fifth shot, ready to get blitzed drunk from missing you.

Suddenly, someone shouted over the music, “Y/N! You’re here!”

Sebastian’s head snapped up to the front door.

“Y/N,” he breathed, seeing you, and Hayden enter. A pretty wrapped present in hand. You were breathtaking even in a simple t-shirt and black jeans and boots.

“Yeah, sorry I’m late,” you said casually as you walked in. Brittney ran up to you and grabbed the present.

“You made it,” she noted.

“Yeah.”

“Thank you,” she said with a loaded tone. You smiled and nodded. Chris escorted Hayden to get him a drink as you walked straight for Sebastian, pulling him into a tight hug.

“Happy birthday,” you said.

“Thank you,” he said sweetly as you pulled away to look at him, your hands on his biceps.

“You look great,” you complimented with a sweet smile.

“I could say the same for you,” he replied as he looked you over, the biggest smile planted on his face, making his eyes crinkle at the corners.

“Care to play vodka pong?” he asked, gesturing to the table. “Much like beer pong, but more fun.”

“Sure, but I’ll have you know I’m the champion,” you said in a challenging voice.

“Oh, is that so?” he dared, his eyebrows shooting up.

You played against Sebastian, and won by a landslide. Aside from beer pong, there were board games set up, card games, the pool was open to those who wanted to swim, as well as the volleyball court. Sebastian was a kid at heart so all of these games were just up his alley. His mood improved by 100%, but you had no idea of that. You assumed he was having a good time with or without you.

Throughout the night you played a board game or two, card game, a drinking game here or there, and mingled with friends. You found yourself outside, leaning against the fence, looking out over the twinkling city when Mackie approached you.

“Hey, haven’t seen you for a while. How’s everything been?” he asked as he joined you, putting his arms on the fence, a beer in hand.

“Same ole, same ole. I’ve been good. You?”

“Oh, I’d be better if I knew a good friend of mine wasn’t bullshitting me,” he said, smirking slightly.

You laughed and dipped your head down. “So you know, huh?”

“Yeah, I’ve heard a little, how you and birthday boy have some relationship problems. That why you were late tonight?” he wondered, looking at you.

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure I wanted to come...or sure he wanted me here or…”

“So what’s the deal with you two?”

You sighed. “Oh, that’s a long complicated story…”

“I ain’t goin’ anywhere,” he said.

You half-smiled and explained, “Well, we had chemistry. Right? Well we work together, hang out, I’m starting to really feel something for him, when suddenly, one day, on set, his girlfriend walks in. At first, no big deal, right? He’s taken. I’ll move on. But I can’t. I couldn’t. I wanted him. Everything is cool, but then he knocks out the dick producer, and Marissa lays into him. I start dating Hayden, nothing serious, just to get me ready to move on, I guess. Then one night, we’re at a party, here, and she just lays into me. I think she was jealous because she could see what was going on between us. I don’t blame her for being jealous, but I do blame her for being a bitch,” you said, a small laugh coming from you. Anthony smirked and nodded.

“So, what now?”

“Now, now we’re trying to figure out if we--I want to make this work.”

“Well why wouldn’t you?” he asked.

“It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s that I’m scared to do this song and dance again, to be let down. Sure, Sebastian seems different but...he lied about his girlfriend, and flirted with me. If he acted like that with her, what will be different about me?”

“Look, I don’t know him as well as Chris does or some other people, but I know him pretty well. I’d say the way he acts around you, I’ve never see that on anyone. Not for him. He looks at you like you’re the sun and the moon, man.”

“Doesn’t change how he treated the Marissa situation. Speaking of, why didn’t you mention that when you introduced us?” you questioned.

“Didn’t come up,” he said simply. “Not my place to put it out there that he’s not available. That’s between you two.”

You sighed. “Yeah. I guess you’re right.”

“I’m just sayin’, birthday boy in there looked like someone killed his dog before you showed up. Since then, he can’t stop smiling. As far as Marissa...I think he was caught. He told me he was going to leave her for a while, but he wasn’t sure you were all that into him. He didn’t know if you were just flirty or serious. He was still trying to repair him and Marissa and he probably didn’t want to throw that away on a hunch or a whim. He might’ve asked himself ‘Do I leave my girlfriend, the relationship I’m trying to repair. Or do I say to hell with it and try it with this new girl?’ I’m not saying he should’ve stayed with her, god no, that woman was trouble from the time she walked into his life, but you gotta cut him some slack. He might’ve thought he would break up with Marissa before you knew about them, and he could just be with you.”

That thought stuck with you. Perhaps that was an option. Perhaps he was hoping he would leave her before it even needed to be addressed and he could just go into another relationship without all the drama of a triangle that happened anyway.

Just as you were about to reply, a familiar voice called outside. “Present time! Get your asses in here!”

You and Anthony smiled at each other as he gestured for you to lead the way.

The two of you joined everyone else as Sebastian sat at the smaller dining room table in the dining-living room portion of the house.

“Jesus, I’m so nervous with all of you standing around staring at me,” Sebastian admitted, looking at everyone. Everyone laughed in response.

“Oh, shut up, just open the presents,” Bee lovingly said.

He smiled and nodded as he went one by one through the gifts. He got a gift card to a nice tuxedo shop, gift card to Amazon, a few ties, a travel mug, and then your gift came up.

“Ah, from Y/N,” he noted as he read the card. “This better be good after all the hours you made me work for this movie so far,” he said teasingly. Hayden stroked your back lightly with his thumb knowing you were nervous about your gift. Sebastian unwrapped it and looked at it.

“What is this?” he questioned, eyeing the box. “Oh, Jesus, it’s a gadget of some kind. Why the hell would you get my technologically crippled ass a gadget?” he asked in a joking manner.

“It’s sort of a nanny cam,” you said as you rounded the table to sit next to him to show him. “You set this up and you can remotely view your apartment on your phone. I know how you said you miss Spinee when you’re away for work, this is a way you can connect to him. It even has a feature where you can speak to him so you could talk to him and comfort him.”

Sebastian looked stunned. “Wow...Y/N, that is really thoughtful. Thank you.” He leaned over and kissed your cheek, making you blush.

He lingered, looking at your face a little longer before he got back to the other presents. He got quite a few nice presents, but yours seemed the most sentimental.

Afterwards, Bee presented a beautiful cake for him, sparkling candles on top as she carefully carried it into the dark room. Chris had to start the singing for Happy Birthday because no one wanted to be the sucker who started the most awkward song in history. He blew out the candle and cake was served.

By now, it was later at night and once a few people had their cake, they were making their way home. The party was dwindling down and you were outside with Hayden, catching a smoke break. You were trying your best to be “best friend Y/N” tonight and not “love-torn Y/N” as Bee had put it, but being around him, it hurt, so you had to take a breather and Hayden was your crutch so he joined you.

“Pretty out, isn’t it?” Bee said as she crossed the patio and lawn to you two.

“Yeah, it is,” you noted softly.

As soon as she reached you, she said, “Thank you for coming to his party.”

You knew that was a way to start talking about the issues between you two so you looked to Hayden who gave a small smile, nodded, took his cigarette and walked off.

“Are you here to tell me I need to just go for it? Just be with him?” you asked as you turned around and rested your arms against the fence, leaning over.

“Yes, I am,” she concurred, walking up and mimicking your action. “It’s not such a bad idea, right? One hell of a birthday present,” she said, elbowing your arm.

A sad smile crossed your face. “Bee...I can’t...Not right now.”

“Why not? What are you so afraid of?”

“I’m afraid of ruining this…I’m afraid of destroying what we have. I don’t want us to be bitter memories to each other.”

“Why are you so certain that’s what’s going to happen?” she questioned.

For this, you had no answer. You simply shook your head. “I’m not sure. I just don’t want it to.”

“I get that. I get that you're scared but….he’s really happy when you’re around,” she said desperately.

You laughed without humor softly. “So I’ve heard.”

“Just give it a chance. What’s the worst that can happen?”

“We could break each other’s hearts,” you said simply.

She sighed. “Or you could mend each other’s!”

“Why are you pushing for this so hard?’ you questioned. “Why do you care so damned much if we’re together or not?”

“Because I saw how you were before you knew about Marissa. How happy you seemed. How alive you were around him. And the same for him. Before Marissa he had a handful of women break his heart, and I waited so long to see him happy, so then when I saw him get stuck in that shitty relationship, I was sad for him. Then you came along and I thought you would be the one to get him out of it. And I was right. You two were so happy around each other, I saw it, I watched it. Now that you’re miles apart inside, it’s tragic. I just want my two best friends to be happy. Don’t get me wrong, Hayden is an amazing guy, but you act different with him. You two seem to gravitate to each other, reclusing to the corner of the room. When I met you though, you were vibrant, vivacious, so full of life...both you and Seb were. And now, it’s like watching the life die in your eyes. It’s heartbreaking to watch.”

You never noticed it, but she was right. You used to go out and do things, run parties, host charity balls for the animals, you did all sorts of adrenaline pumping activities. Now you sat at home if you weren’t working. You assumed it was being tired from directing and the long hours but now...you realized she was right. There was a definite switch from the moment you knew Sebastian wasn’t yours.

“Just give me some time, Bee. Please. I can’t make a decision with everyone telling me to do something.”

“I understand, I’m sorry,” she apologized lightly.

“Bee!” Chris called out into the dark yard. “Some of the guests are leaving babe!”

“Be right there!” she called back. “Well, I need to go grab the doggie bags for them.” She smiled at you and walked away.

You stayed out there, letting the cool breeze hit you as you stared over the city. Maybe Bee, Hayden, Anthony and everyone was right. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to be with Seb. Even if he broke your heart. Or maybe it would hurt worse than anything you ever encountered. Hayden had a point that you couldn’t live your life in fear. And usually you didn’t but after a long string of failed relationships, you didn’t want to let Sebastian or yourself down. Bee and Anthony both said you seemed to make him happy, and you knew he made you happy...so what would be the harm? Well, the harm could be that you ruin a perfectly good friendship and destroy any semblance of a relationship you have.

You weren’t sure how long you were standing there when another voice hit you.

“Want some company?”

You smiled and turned around. “Well if it isn’t the Birthday boy himself,” you said in a flirty voice.

“Yeah,” he said with a bit of a laugh.

“The big three-five, right?” you asked once he got next to you.

“Yeah, I’m over the hill now,” he joked.

“Nonsense. You’ll always be impeccably handsome,” you admitted.

“It’s a beautiful night out here. Why are you out here all alone?” he wondered. “I didn’t scare you out here, did I?”

A sad smile fell upon your lips as you put your hand on his. “Sebastian, you could never scare me away.”

To this, he grinned.

“I’m glad to hear that. Thank you so much for coming, it means a lot to me.”

“I wasn’t going to, at first,” you admitted.

“Why?”

“Didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“That could never happen, Y/N.”

“Good.”

“You must’ve known you were going to come though,” he said.

“And why is that?” you wondered.

“Because of the gift you bought. That isn’t something you just swing by a store and grab. You put thought into it, which I highly appreciate. Everyone else got me...well...I love their gifts, I appreciate all of it….but no one knows me like you do.”

You laughed it off lightly as you held onto the railing of the fence and leaned back.

“Sebastian, I just listen is all.”

“That’s my point. You’re the first woman to ever do that with me. You actually give a shit about me.”

You nodded your head side to side. “Yes, I do,” you freely admitted.

After a moment, Sebastian suddenly asked, “Have you thought about what I said?”

You nodded. “I’ve thought on it every day.”

“And?” he pressed.

“And we’ll talk tomorrow, okay?”

Sebastian’s face fell a little but he nodded. He knew you needed your space. He knew your worries about all this. “Sure. Alright.”

You leaned over to kiss his cheek. “Happy Birthday, Sebastian.”

#first impressions #sebastian stan #sebastain stan x reader #sebastian stan fic #chris evans #chris evans fic #hayden christensen #hayden christiansen fic

[justimagaine]

“Like A Fool” Part 2

The next 2 days I spend in complete emotional darkness. The day after I last saw Chris I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t even take the sun light. By the time day two came I was feeling better. But it was because i just had no choice. Work made me pull it together and keep moving forward.

I’d lie if I said i didn’t think of him. I did but the thing that made me think a bout him more was the silence of my phone. I did think and maybe even deep down hoped he would try to call me or text me, but he didn’t. It just proved that I was right. He didn’t care about me. So I just had to live with that. And soon enough I would be fine. For now all I could do was distract myself until I was fully fine.

“(Y/N) are you listening?” Leah my co-worker, asked me when she noticed my distracted look.Looking around I realized we were at a meeting and I hadn’t even noticed. Shaking my head back into focus I nodded at Leah. “What’s wrong?” she whispered. Leah doesn’t know about Chris, she knew who he is but she doesn’t know we are friends, were. Were friends. So i had to lie.

“I’m fine. Just thinking about the project we have to do.” she believed me and turned her attention away from me. I spent the whole day working and not really talking to other people. I was afraid I would say too much or just the wrong thing.

The rode back home was harder. Usually after work I would stop by at Chriss house since it was the same way my apartment was. So I had to take a longer way just so I wouldn’t have to drive by it and maybe even see him. When getting to my apartment building I kept thinking about him, but every time I did I tried telling myself to stop. It wasn’t worth it I said to myself. Walked into my apartment, closed the door and leaned on it. Letting out all the frustration in one breath. Then I heard some movements. They made me freak out. Looked around trying to find something that I could use as a weapon. But before I could find anything a figure walked in.

“What the hell Chris?” I yelled out seeing who was in my apartment. “What are you doing here?” He looked so different. His eyes had lost the spark they had. He looked like he had been sleeping in the same outfit for the past 2 days. Looking at him I waited for him to speak but he just looked at me. “If you’re not going to talk then please leave.”

walked past him into my living room putting all my things down and waiting for Chris to leave. I could feel him standing behind me. The feeling of him being there, being once again so close to me made be feel like crying. I wanted to hug him so badly, but I couldn’t. Looking at him was too hard for me. Then I heard him walking closer and I froze.

“(Y/N) “ he started to talk “I ..”be couldn’t finish his sentence.  Finally I looked at him, i thought I saw tears in his eyes, but I just couldn’t believe it.

“Say something, Chris. Say something” i felt anger and sadness in my voice.

“It’s hard. It hurts” he said looking down at his own feet. 

“It hurts? What hurts?” i asked clearly angry at him

“Losing you” for some people this moment might  be sweet but not for me. Not at that moment.

“What? It hurts you? Really? Your going to turn this moment all about yourself too? “I was close to yelling at him.  “You think I’m fine? You think I’m fine. I’m in pain. I was the one who gave you everything I had. My time, my support..my heart. What did you do with it? You stepped over it all. You didn’t care about me. And now that I left, you miss me?” tears were running down my cheeks. Looking into his eyes that were filled with tears, i felt sad for him but I had to think about myself. about how he made e feel.

“I know” he said stepping closer to me but I stepped back “

“No you don’t. You don’t know how it feels. You don’t know how it feels to love someone so much that it hurts. You don’t know how it feels to look at the person you love and see them with other people.” I tried to stop myself from crying but it was impossible. “I loved you Chris. And now when I’m trying to move on you come here saying that you are hurt? How dear you? I gave you everything”

There we were, both standing looking at each other, crying. Every time he tried to come closer I stepped away. Being close to him was just too much for me.

“So now here we stand. What do you want to do? What do you want from me?” Chris looked at me. I waited for him to answer.

“I need you to give me a chance. A second chance. I know I fucked up. I know I treated to like shit. And you might not believe me, but I miss you. Ad not because of the reasons you might think. I miss your laugh, I miss the way you would talk to little kids, I miss the way you made every bad thing seem so small. I love you (Y/N). I really do. I was an ass without realizing it. When I found out I loved you I freaked out. I didn’t think that your would feel the same way about me, so i did go out with a lat of girls. And it’s a stupid excuse. I know. But I have never felt anything like this before. ” Those words sounded so real but I still had trouble believing it. He gave me so much pain, so many tears I had cried because of him. “I hurt you so much and I hate myself for it. I really do.” Tears escaped his eyes. This was the first time i had seen him cry.

“You did hurt me.” I said drying my cheeks with the sleeve of my shirt. “I did hate you. But i can’t hate you for a long time. I do love you for God sake.”Chris walked closer and this time I didn’t move. I let him come close to me. Let him be just few inches away from me. I watched as he slowly lifted his arms and placed them on my cheeks.

“I’m so sorry. Please give me a second chance, a chance to prove to you I’m not really like that. Let me prove that I do love you.” looking into his eyes, I looked like I was home. Like everything I was looking for was in his eyes. Slowly I leaned in, and out lips met. It was like all the pain I once had washed away. Like ever thing I was so mad about had gone away.

Me and Chris did have a long talk. A talk about that it would be hard to start from were we were. That things aren’t so easy to forget and forgive so easy. And he understood me not wanting to jump into relationship. With time he showed over and over again that his words were true.

#Chris Evans Imagine #Imagine #Chris Evans

[nofomoartworld]

Hyperallergic: Revolutionizing the Erotics of Writing

Kathy Acker is one of those writers who will easily get under your skin. Discussing sexuality, masculinity versus femininity, semiotics within social life, and narratology at a time when many writers and thinkers were beginning to redefine and push the boundaries of both prose and verse writing, Acker is one of the most notoriously risqué writers of her historical moment. At her peak, she was active from the 1970s to well into the ’80s, though she surrounded herself with writers, theorists, and artists from the 1960s onward. She wanted to be a writer, but didn’t know what that meant exactly. Was being a writer a lifestyle choice or was it to understand oneself as a long scroll and body of language?

Two new books, by Chris Kraus and Douglas A. Martin, explore Acker’s life, work, and legacy. Kraus’ After Kathy Acker (Semiotext(e), September 2017) could be characterized as a formal biography – though it’s much more complicated than that — while Martin’s Acker (Nightboat Books, October 2017) is a series of fragmented mini-essays and ruminations about Acker’s work. In reading these two books, one can only wonder: How far and impactful was Acker’s reach? What kinds of reactions did her writing elicit? And who, if anyone, can be considered an appropriate spokesperson to bring forth the ideas of language so deeply rooted in every word Acker expresses? Martin quotes Charles Olson: “to write about something is academic, and to do it in your writing is visceral.” Kraus and Martin perfectly represent this dualism. While they are both bound to the rules of their chosen genre (which ironically, their subject systematically defies and rejects) each author has a very different relationship to the subject. Martin, who did not know Acker personally, is writing at an academic remove; conversely Kraus and Acker were part of the same community of artists and writers.

Although Kraus’ proximity to Acker is obvious (her partner, writer and theorist Sylvère Lotringer was Acker’s lover at one point, which Kraus discusses in her book), her exploration of that closeness is lacking. She never discusses her relationship with Acker. Nor does she specify her reasons for undertaking this work. Yet her intentions are clearly to work through the writing of an author who used her sexuality as a weapon to bring fire to her words, regardless of any personal affinities she may have for the author. Kraus finds herself writing the story of Acker’s life by way of literary criticism and traditional biography, as would a novelist and her subject. Interestingly, Acker did the same; she started to write by using methods of appropriation, extracting passages that spoke to her from novels by others and repurposing them in her own writing. In her novel Don Quixote, Acker turns a canonical work of fiction into a narratological text that explores the creation of the characters and their awareness as characters in novels. (She writes, “I have no self … Don Quixote’s narrator declares. … I’m forced to find a self when I’ve been trained to be nothing.”) Her characters are iterations of herself that she systematically fictionalizes for the sake of her genre. Similarly, in Kraus’s book, Kathy is her character, yet the events Kraus describes to her readers are real. This is where Kraus’ mastery of writing becomes a highly complex and enthralling experience.

For a writer whose life was so enmeshed with the experiences of being seen and talked about, Acker never truly established a fixed identity outside of language. Her identity was formulated by and in language, through the stories told by and about her, and the ways in which she used her body to manipulate the language employed to characterize her.

As Martin explains,

Identity is consolidated in this way, lines are drawn in desert or sea sand, and we may feel boxed in ourselves…You are this one thing, before you are this other, you are told. Identity in Acker is in a tension with the reductive, what is seen, what is said.

An I: the idea of any stable identity becomes for Acker the field to derange or rearrange, the constituent points and poles of which can and might be moved and refigured, for a number of pages.

The anxiety of influence that loomed over all of Acker’s work made it difficult for her to find a true “I” to relate to, a true moment in which she felt comfortable with herself as herself and not as a projection of someone else’s language. As Kraus perfectly summarizes: “Conjunction, disjunction. Husserl, Melville, Descartes. She was hoping to write herself into a void: a state of hollowness she felt inside and out that might still lead to all possibilities. And yet— the anxiety to name it constricts.” Both Martin and Kraus characterize this void as Acker’s desperate desire to take up space in the literary community, to be known, read, understood, purchased, made love to, abused, loved, hated — and the list goes on.

Kraus believes that it took cancer for Acker to understand the value of friendship, love, and the precarious nature of life — though she never entertained regrets. It was meaning that she longed for. According to Kraus, “Meaning, to Acker, had always meant power. It was a protection against chaos and failure.” Writing was a way of life for her; interactions and relationships could be rearranged in the same way that words could be. Martin elaborates this point, stating, “words are ready-mades to be re-curated and re-fused. Some words become little areas of pain, intensified or attenuated by the mosaics within which they are then dropped.” This gave her a sense of control over her life. Kraus excepts from a letter Acker wrote to poet Bernadette Mayer:

Why not be polemic? Why be always the fucking same thing? Why do many poems “look” & sound alike whereas when I go into a bookstore I see all the kinds of shit & the writing don’t look the same. Why shouldn’t writing be everything?

And writing was everything for Acker. She introduced critical theory to the London punk scene, used the texts of theorists prominent at the time, and applied their work directly to her prose. Martin explains:

[Y]ou could take a bite from Cixous, some form from Kristeva, a swell too from Irigaray, as how Acker approaches these women in theory: in further parts, inserting them into her own texts. There she lays them and plays with them, to see what happens when she holds them in her sights. She moves around their various angles and orientations with her own. Just as well as one could dress up as a stripper, you could dress your writing up with a theorist.

It’s all a waiting game for Acker: who will be the first to identify which theorist her books render narratological? For Martin, she’ll always find ways of dressing up a theorist’s work with more language. For Kraus, it’s about understanding the writer, the text, the reader and the characters. How do you make the distinction between all of these roles? Should we?

Though Kraus and Martin come from distinct background and bring to the table varying sets of knowledge, craft, and experience, they are both interested in the ways in which Acker revolutionized the erotics of writing through her constant integration of language in all aspects of every day life. These two books are remarkable contributions to the critical work written about Acker and should serve current and future generations as inspiration to push the boundaries of what is linguistically sound, to eroticize the mundane, and to never stop being a character in a story.

After Kathy Acker (2017) is published by Semiotext(e) and is available from Amazon and other online booksellers.

Acker (2017) is published by Nightboat Books and is available from Amazon and other online booksellers.

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