#I haven't had a check up for that in like ten years because my doctor refused and my new doctor seemed quite concerned about that

[sirtadcooper]

@eohwyyn very kindly sent me maths homework some questions from the list of soft asks - but when I went to answer them, Tumblr ate the ask! So it's lucky that I was asked to answer multiples of four, now isn't it?

4. what flower would you like to be given?

I love flowers a lot, how colourful they are. I, however, know absolutely nothing about them. Just give me a pretty flower and I'll be happy. I'm not fussy.

8. tag someone (or multiple people) who make you feel good.

Oh there are so many people I could tag - those two mutuals I call on Discord every week spring to mind, but no, I am going to shout-out @mordred because she's still here, I'm still here - we've been mutuals for what? Ten years? Amazing! Look at us! I'm always happy to see you pop up on my dash. @matbaynton, because whatever you make, whether it's icons or fancy gifs, it's always full of colour and fun. Always lovely to see you too.

12. how are you?

Answered here, but since this is the sort of question that can have a new answer every time, here we go again: I'm grand, thank you. I had my first Chinese takeaway of the year today - I realised earlier this week that it had been a while, and then I checked my phone and I hadn't had chicken fried rice since 29th December! I don't know how that happened. So I sat down with my Chinese and the final part of Spearhead From Space and had a lovely time. Now I'm stuffed!

16. compliment the person who sent you this number.

Oh, that's very easy to do! You come across as such a lovely person every time we interact. I love how engaged you are - if there's an ask game, you take the time to send something in. Things like that are much appreciated. And you love Doctor Who so that's another plus point. <3

20. what do you want most in the world right now?

Hmm. Probably a good night's sleep to be honest - I am a bit tired.

24. what’s something you do to de-stress?

There are two main ways. I go and sit in a field with my pet sheep, or I watch something, ideally while lying in bed. Both excellent ways to de-stress.

28. hugs or hand-holding?

Hugs, I think. I haven't had much experience of hand-holding, but hugs are lovely.

soft asks to get to know people | send me an ask

#thank you my dear <3 #i had only done the maths part when i went to save the ask as a draft and poof! it was gone! #sorry the answers got a bit short towards the end there my eyes are getting tired here i really should be going to bed #ask #eohwyyn

[gayskogul]

So, on the WIP tag game, I think it's going to have to be bodice-rippers, and just in case you have already been asked for that one (!) let's have 'yes'. Actually let's just have both 😊

Thanks for the ask. Oh, good lord. You've made an impressive go of sinking the big battleships with those two choices.

So "bodice rippers >>>>>> 10 years formal science training" is the working title for the master-doc that I have ALL of my writing for The Wavesinger in. That's the long story I've whittled away at for my first D&D character, Natt. I haven't added to it in a while now, since my attention drifted to other projects, but I'll sometimes flip through it fondly. There's some scenes I whipped out before posting the first arc online (over on Ao3 btw, go stream!) and a whole boat-load of ideas for where the story goes next. I was quite fixated upon taking them somewhere cold, for some reason. There's "sketches" of fight scenes, playful scenes, overarching plot things. There's even an explicit scene, labelled "illegal wavesinger", which I wrote mostly out of curiosity (I tend not to write those scenes but wanted to see if I could). In my shame I immediately hid it at the bottom of the doc and coloured the text in white lmao.

It's titled that because I wrote 20k words in the span of a couple of weeks, like, fairly effortlessly. This was a massive surprise to me since I was used to crawling through glass just to squeeze out a couple thousand words for any reports in my science life lmao. I felt a bit silly about being so enthusiastic for something that was, in all essence, a bodice ripper but with two dudes and tongue-in-cheek labelled the doc that.

It's a bit bizarre that my inspiration for getting into writing creatively like this all came from me deciding a couple years into my D&D game that, "Oh my GOD, why did I give him a pun name? Natt Twenny is so LAME. I have to come up with a reason for why he's called that!" Several tens of thousands of words and tonnes of brainworms later...

Funny then that the other choice in this ask is "yes". I need to stop titling things in the most unserious way possible... I think it's because I'm awful at coming up with titles and just rock with something random I come up with when it's time to post lol.

"yes" is the master-doc for the other big thing I have posted on Ao3! My first foray into fanfic, My Favourite Patient. I got roped into playing Stardew Valley with my sister (much against my will) then promptly became obsessed with the game and its characters. I particularly liked the little anxious doctor guy who my character married in-game, Harvey. I literally hadn't written any fiction before, so the writing's a little... unpracticed, but I genuinely had so much fun writing it. Just plucking interactions from the game and fleshing them out. I don't really play much any more, so my attention dwindled and I ran out of steam to keep writing that fic. That said, there are a couple of things in there that I didn't get around to posting yet. Maybe when I get round to checking out the new update, I'll get a little bit of enthusiasm and give that a proper ending.

#ask game #my fic #I woulda posted snippets but yall can already see most of these two #because both of these are available to read on Ao3 #which is a weird coincidence since I have LOADS that hasn't found its way there yet #d&d #stardew valley #fanfic #theyre still very much wips though since I occasionally sketch out a little scene or edit up a half-baked one!

[calliethetrekkie]

Triumvirate Prompts: Day 4

(Prompts Link)

#4. Favorite Triumvirate headcanon?

Because I literally couldn't think of anything else, I'm gonna share my headcanons on how they all met/became a Triumvirate. Note I haven't seen SNW yet so that won't count towards this.

Kirk and McCoy met first. In my headcanon Kirk got into some kind of trouble during his pre-Captain career at least ten or so years before TOS began. His injuries were severe enough that he had to be left at a Starbase for treatment, and the doctor he got was McCoy. As McCoy handled his rehab, the two would talk and McCoy would let Kirk air out his frustrations and worries before easing him through it. Kirk was grateful for all he did even when he was stubborn and once discharged, kept in contact with him. Whenever Kirk was able to stop by, he'd have a drink with McCoy, and slowly they began to form a friendship. Eventually, Kirk felt comfortable enough opening up around him, and eventually they got assigned to the same Starship, allowing them to be around each other more regularly and grow to trust and rely on one another unconditionally. When Kirk got the Enterprise, McCoy had taken leave to take care of his dying father and when the original CMO retired, there was no doubt in Kirk's mind as to who he'd choose for the position. In a way, getting the offer helped McCoy become motivated again after David's death, and he accepted it.

Spock and Kirk met when Kirk became the Captain. Spock was a little apprehensive seeing someone take over Pike's command, but now as both Science Officer and First Officer he knew that he had to work with him. Thankfully, it didn't take long for him and Kirk to connect, with Kirk understanding his logical mindset and showing that he was a perfectly capable Captain. He wasn't Pike but he did his job efficiently and that helped Spock with accepting him. Kirk eventually asked him to play chess against him and won and since Spock very well couldn't take that lying down, that became their thing. Kirk would eventually start using that to talk to Spock more, though mainly keeping it limited to Enterprise-related business with the occasional quip since that's what Spock mostly responded to. It opened the door for them to learn more about each other and become not only better as a command duo, but to become friends.

Spock didn't meet McCoy until he became the CMO, though I can imagine Kirk mentioning him once or twice. Hearing about him and checking his records, Spock wasn't so sure but trusted Kirk's judgement. McCoy had no idea what to make of Spock when they first met, though if Kirk liked him, there had to be something there. While their first meeting was a little 'mmmm...', I don't think it went as badly as some may have thought. They were affable to one another, but had no idea how to communicate and from what they saw of the other, weren't sure if they'd even want to outside professional business. But as the First Officer and CMO, they both share a duty of checking on the Captain and his well-being, so they would meet once in a while to discuss it, especially if either noticed that something was off. They would debate on their philosophical differences and while it was sometimes frustrating, they found that they liked having those debates and having someone equal to have it against. It became their way of getting to know each other better. They saw the capabilities of the other and formed a trust before eventually, without even realizing it, it became a friendship.

Eventually, after the events of Season 1, the three often just kind of drifted together. They trusted each other as colleagues already, but having now seen the best and worst of each other, there was a bond there. Kirk trusted them most to take only them with him on Away Missions, Spock asked them to be there at the ceremony when he underwent pon farr, and McCoy was willing to knock them out and sacrifice himself to save them. They didn't know when it happened, but they'd become friends. A family.

...or something like that XD

#star trek #star trek tos #triumvirate #terms of service-tober

[actual-changeling]

bpd ellie lives rent free in my mind so i have to inflict this pain on everyone else, too

ptsd makes everything like ten times worse and because i haven't tortured myself enough: ellie becoming suicidal.

her mental health tanks, it's winter, she's fucked.

and it's not like she actually wants to do it, really, but she keeps thinking about it, and every single time she wakes up from a nightmare it tempts her a little bit more. every panic attack, every snow storm that leaves her shivering and exhausted (not from the cold), all the moments where she tastes metal and blood, sees joel bleeding out in the snow, feels hands on her wrists, all of it accumulates into one giant ball of pain.

so no, she has no plan, not really, but she checks the drawer where joel keeps his gun just because. thinks about henry more than she should. mentally traces joel's scar whenever she looks at him. she thinks she gets it now, maybe, why joel tried. her shoulders are tearing apart with the weight she is carrying and there is nothing joel can say that will take away the memories.

the funny part is, joel sees himself, too, sees the same look in her eyes he knows he had in his, recognized it in henry right before. and it scares him to death. he unloads the gun and gives the bullets to tommy, makes him swear not to let ellie anywhere near them. he asks maria, asks the doctors at the clinic, asks whoever he thinks might know an answer.

there is not much he can do, in the end. he holds her through the night, keeps her warm and safe, doesn't let her out of his sight, and ellie might not care much about her life, but she cares about joel's, so she grits her teeth and forces her way through the darkest months of the year.

and like every year, winter passes and her pain melts away with the snow when it starts to thaw.

there's a version of this story that ends with two new graves in jackson's cemetery once the ground is soft enough to dig again

#alex yells at the void #the last of us #tlou #ellie williams #ellie and joel #joel and ellie #joel miller #cw suicidal ideation #bpd ellie #my beloved <3 #obsessed with the thought of writing this fic the angst would be delicious #good ending of course

[countessofravenclaw]

So, now as were done with Country dear father's, I thought I'd translate some of the Finnish I snuck in there.

Most of the Finnish dialogue in was during the hospital part in chapter 4 since the staff obviously speak their own language with each other.

Chap 4

Male, 27-years-old. Collision with a tree in a skiing slope. Possible head and spinal trauma. Broken ribs. Lost conscience multiple times on the way over. Not conscious right now.

Hey! Patient is Argentinian! I'll page the translator.

No information on the social security number, but driver's license is apparently in some pocket. Check!

Hey Antti! There's a ring. He's married!

Hey! I have the ten's family here. Yeah, seems to be the wife. You woman, asking for her husband with the same last name. Yeha, I'll send her up.

Minna, this is patient's wife.

Pheeeeew, I just came from the room ten. I could do with a coffee break.

Ten? What was that again? Was that that Argentinian?

Yeah, it was that. Group of tourists on a skiing trip. I think it was like three younger couples. He had somehow collided with a tree or something like that. We haven't been able to get him awake yet. The wife is in pretty big shock.

Well, so would I be too if my husband ended up like this in the hospital. The doctors were talking about a brain bleed after all. It wul not be surprising.

Still pretty horrible situation. They seem pretty young too. Who knows how long they have even been married.

Did you say Argentina? I was already completely under the impression that they were british. The girl had a clear british accent and speaks perfect English. My language head got some practice.

Doesn't react to the light!

Start a line!

Five milligrams of morphine

The BP is tanking and heart rate is high.

Page the doctor.

Chap 5

Yeah, the thing about this was that the patient is really worried about the situation, because he is a some sort of a environmental engineer.

Young man has quite of a impressive position. But if he truly has diploma from Oxford, it should not be that surprising. Very mathematical job no doubt. It get the situation.

#soy luna #soy luna fanfiction #gastina #I just had some fun #The native language adds immersion

[xxjustawanderingsoulxx]

Cookie Reapers AU: Caught Red Handed (Part 2, written)

Part 1 ~ Part 2

Author's note: It definitely took a while for me to figure out a specific stopping point, huh? Even then it's a pretty bad cliffhanger lol.

Here we go, Espresso thought irritatedly, his expression darkening ever so slightly as he took another small sip of his coffee.

"First point," Eclair began. "Your demon face."

Espresso was glowering already, his ears slowly starting to droop against his will.

"'Narrow, slit eyes; sharp teeth (as confirmed by Latte); and a growl that no human could ever make," the librarian read aloud. "Oh, and hissing! Don't forget the hissing!" he added quickly.

"Hm…" Espresso tried to think of a response. "Any witnesses to this behavior? Latte Cookie does not count."

"Cocoa Cookie, of course. You scared the poor gal!"

Espresso's fingers and upper lip twitched. Of course, Cocoa was mentioned earlier. How could he be so careless?

"She was just trying to check up on you, and you looked at her so scarily, she had a complete meltdown even after the initial incident!" Eclair snapped his fingers. "Oh, and that reminds me…" He flipped to the next page. "Point two. The pain."

Eclair paused, taking in the look in Espresso's face as if he knew nothing could be said from the other side of the conversation. The trees rustled from outdoors, their shadows dancing in the panes as much as the fiery fury that started in Espresso's heart.

"Yes, yes, everyone has their fair share of pain, but you?" Eclair Cookie made a small, dry laugh. "Oh, it's all in the same few places! You see, many of the staff have seen you in an uncomfortable state, and it's gotten them so very concerned about you. You'd look like you would be having some kind of back pain, or, considering how you've always press yourself against a chair or the wall, perhaps you are trying to prevent something from happening? Maybe you're attempting to… stop something from coming in or growing out?"

"And what would I be trying to stop or prevent, if you would be so inclined to tell?" Espresso scowled.

"Hmm…" Eclair moved his free hand into a thinking position, though it was clear he was doing it out of pure sarcasm. "Wings, perhaps?"

While Espresso Cookie was now looking more provoked in anger than completely baffled, he could feel his heart give a hard pang as soon as he heard the answer. He drank some more coffee to calm himself.

"I would rule that out, but… it doesn't seem like you want help from a nurse or doctor or anyone else for that matter!"

"That could just be because–"

"Because you can't ask for help?" Eclair interjected. Predicting a retort, he continued, saying, "'Now Eclair,' you may ask, 'why on earth would a human not want help from a recurring problem?' And I must say, that is a fair question. Well, I know you have the resources to go to Milk Cookie's office, and you would never waste time in trying to find solutions to your problems, but you don't want to be outed, do you, Espresso Cookie?"

Espresso was glaring at Eclair Cookie, his ears now pointing down as far as they could go without them hurting.

"Oh, and that reminds me of my next point, which is…" Eclair flipped to the next page. "Ah! Right here."

Espresso stormed to the circular table, purposefully sitting directly across from the seat Eclair was in earlier.

"I just love how young you look," Eclair marveled, sitting back down in his seat. "You know, Latte says in the ten years she's been your friend, you haven't aged a single bit!"

Espresso drank more than a little sip of coffee to pacify his rage this time.

"Now, stress ages everyone, doesn't it? And how long do you work? How many rest days or sick days have you taken?"

Not a single one. And he's using this against me, too? Espresso was starting to regret coming to the faculty room at all now.

"Surely you've been really stressed, but you haven't aged a single bit! Now, I would just LOVE to ask what skincare routine you use, but"—Eclair's eyes narrowed as he stared into Espresso's slightly slitted pupils—"we both know you don't do any of that."

Espresso's face started twitching again as he struggled to keep down his anger.

I. Will. Not. Use. That. Face.

"I mean, you truly are a top notch teacher! Staying long hours, getting up early…" That self-righteous smile was on Eclair's face all the while. "...never taking a day off, seemingly never getting sick… I applaud you! Truly, I do! It just seems a little… suspicious, you know?"

Eclair set the notebook down in front of him, resting his elbows on either side of it and putting his chin on folded hands.

"So much stress in so little time… How could someone like you stay so young as to look like they were still in their freshman year of college? I truly am envious!"

"I am fairly certain that there is at least ONE human being in this world with a life similar to my own!" Espresso snapped.

"Oh really?" Eclair questioned. "A human being that has pointed ears, sharp teeth, slit eyes, and an unnaturally youthful appearance for being thirty one years old? I highly doubt it. See, even if we take your behavior out, you're still too mysterious to ignore."

"Nature can still be quite a strange thing."

"Oh, it can, especially if you're not a human being."

Espresso scoffed.

"You know, your mannerisms always were strange. Every single time you discussed history, whether it be in a class lecture or an argument with myself, you would always talk it like you lived in it. You've always seemed to know more than pure research could tell, and that's coming from someone who has researched history for so many years in his life!"

Espresso took the moment as another chance to pacify himself with another drink of coffee.

"How's your coffee?" Eclair queried, taking advantage of Espresso's choice of action.

"It's fine, thanks," Espresso said through gritted teeth, "though I could certainly do without that pompous attitude and arrogant smile."

"Great," Eclair said, completely ignoring the second part of the response. "You know, every time Latte Cookie had one of her lattes, it would always smell so amazing! So…"

Eclair got up from his seat and carefully took something out of one of the cupboards. While he was walking back to his seat, Espresso saw what it was: a latte, the cup resting on a small dish as Eclair sat back down and placed it in front of him, sliding the notebook carefully to the side.

"...I asked her to make me one."

#crk #crk au #cookie run kingdom #cookie run au #cookie reapers au #my writing #cookie run #espresso cookie #eclair cookie

[house-of-mirrors]

ooh I don’t really know anything about Lucretia, what’s she like?

Hi there! Yes, I haven't quite finished up the bio sheets for my other two, but I ought to get back to working on those. Anyway, Lucretia is a very close friend and honorary "sister" of Orsinio's, she's the same age as his brother Horatio was (ten years older than him) and was basically adopted by the family when they met because she didn't have anyone else. Very rough background growing up in poverty and losing the rest of her bio family to illness, so she became a doctor so she could help others with no cost. She was hit quite hard when Nemesis happened with Horatio, but she stayed strong for Orsinio and actually encouraged him to go to the Neath to pursue a lead. She may or may not have had romantic feelings for Horatio, but she never processed them (she's also demi which makes things more complex), and it's too late now.

She came to the Neath two years after Orsinio did to check up on him; she really sees him as a little brother. She found the situation to be dire, which is a whole other story (involves my other OC Miles who was a seeker and a stay for Orsinio at the Royal Beth), and she didn't feel comfortable leaving while things were still tense and her help as a doctor was still needed. Now that things are better, she keeps insisting she doesn't intend to stay permanently, but she still hasn't left.

Lucretia is incredibly strong-willed and not intimidated at all by the horrors of the Neath. She's still not used to it here and doesn't think she ever will be, but when confronted with a new oddity, she raises an eyebrow and moves right on. And she can and will yell at anything and everything.

All of that being said, we delve into her connection with the Manager. She became acquainted with him while she was taking care of Orsinio during that whole mess, and she frequently argued with him as a doctor over conditions at the hotel and why he had to be "spooky" about his care. He almost got inside her head. Still, she feels... something about him. She refuses to process what that might be, but she becomes motivated by learning more about him, which leads to involvement with the Marvellous. She gets in waaaay over her head with that, doesn't care about high society or riches at all and has always loathed gambling, but the more she gets into it, she sees how damaged everyone involved is and she's drawn again to help. "All of you are in need of serious therapy!" I haven't finished the ambition yet with her but she'll be relieved when she learns of Beechwood's plan to end it.

I was going to have her get the Doctor profession, but I was too curious about the wheels. It felt fitting to have her become a silverer; she can heal people in dreams after becoming more focused on mental health since she came to the Neath. Course that sets her up as more of a foil to the Manager. She's still struggling to process her potential old romantic feelings and the concept of pursuing romance again, and since the Manager is unattainable, it feels safe. They'll continue to have tension through railway, until they come to a point they can be something like friends and Lucretia is ready to seek new connections.

I've said a loooooot already and I'll save the rest for when I post her bio. But thank you for asking about her! I've had her in my brain for a while but only in the past few months have been developing her story and I love her :]

Also she's a MILF

#that may or may not be coherent but I'm typing on my phone #I love Lucretia so much :] infodump time #ought to just copy this post to her bio and post it lol that's basically the summary #thanks for the ask #my ocs #long post #hd spoilers

[taibhsearachd]

Heya friend. I realize i am a stranger nobody, and if you lack time spoons or attention to answer this, totally get it. Howwwwever I came across your reply on a medical gaslighting post. And your symptoms you talked about or, i suppose, the symptoms may not be yours match my wife almost to a T. Sudden and intense weight gain, constant dizziness, etc. Anyway if you have gotten a diagnosis or have received help would you mind letting me know what's up? Feel free to dm me if you don't want to publish this as well.

Either way, thanks for your time and have a great day

Putting this together with another ask I got from @aurora-lovegood:

"I know this is a little bit of an invasive question, but i came across a post where you talked about some medical symptoms you had. The one about your blood pressure, and thermoregulation. I was just wondering if that ever got diagnosed as anything? Its just that my mom has been constantly sick her whole life and they never seem to have any idea what it is, and those are some of her prominent symptoms. I always try to keep an eye out for anything I can have her challenge the doctors with, because I feel like they don’t really try (pretty much in line with the aforementioned post). Sorry if this is too personal, but thank you if you have any ideas!"

Hooboy. I am not upset with either of you for asking. I am furious that it took me ten years to get a diagnosis and you guys are asking strangers on the internet, but none of that is your fault.

First, insist that your mom's/wife's doctor checks their thyroid. It's a simple blood test, it's frankly medical neglect that so many doctors did not check mine for so long, and if your people's doctors haven't done so, they're also negligent. Both of your descriptions sound like it might be hypothyroidism, which I was finally diagnosed with just a few years ago. The medication to treat it is cheap, you do need to recheck your levels every now and then to see if your medication needs to be adjusted, this is so easily treatable once diagnosed.

If the thyroid comes up fine (or even if it doesn't, bc these two things are not mutually exclusive and one can exacerbate the other, like with me), ask your doctor to check you for POTS. Also a simple test any GP should be able to do in-office, though they may want you to also do a tilt table test or something a little more involved. Either way... this one is not so easily treated, but knowing you have it can help a lot and there are things you can do to medicate it.

Good luck to both of you figuring this shit out. Living with chronic illness is hard enough as it is - undiagnosed, it's an absolute nightmare, and I hope you both manage to help your loved ones find a diagnosis and treatment.

#chronic illness #medical neglect

[casspurrjoybellbittner]

Wreckless - Going home

*Warning Adult Content*

Emmett

I've had blood taken twice, an IV put in for no reason and done a lot of waiting.

Then I got a CT scan and got checked over by a neurologist who, thank God for years of schooling, thinks I have a concussion.

No shit.

Now I'm waiting, again.

I have no idea what I'm still doing here.

"Hey Emmett. How are you?"

Finnegan.

He shouldn't be here.

He should be working but I'm too tired to argue.

"Tired. Want some ibuprofen and to go home."

"Let me see what I can do about that. I'm gonna tell the doctor we're brothers."

Damn it, laughing hurts.

He's gone so I lie back and close my eyes again.

"The nurse will be here within ten minutes. You have to sign some things and then we can go."

That sounds familiar.

"They said that an hour ago."

"Relax, I'll handle it, bro."

Bro?

"Don't make me laugh."

"Sorry," he whispers.

"Rest."

Can do.

A few minutes later a nurse actually arrives and I get print-outs and have to tell them my birthday yet again.

I let Finnegan do most of the talking and before long he's pushing me towards the elevator in a wheelchair.

"I can walk."

"And I can push."

I think it but don't say it so of course he does.

"As proven at the beach. Seriously, bad things never happen there, we should go back."

That's actually sounding really good right now but I'd rather be in bed.

He holds the chair and hovers while I climb into his SUV.

"Glad it's higher, easier."

Seriously, I'm falling in love with this car.

"Can we get McDonalds?"

What can I say?

It's comfort food.

I want a whole carton of piping hot fries.

And a big mac.

And an apple pie.

So I tell him so.

"Whatever you want today, sweetheart."

Sweetheart? He's sweet.

"I'm not sweet."

"You are literally the kindest, sweetest guy I've ever met. Granted, you're a bit grumpy right now but you have a good reason to be. Okay hold on, food imminent."

I close my eyes while he orders and pays and don't open them again until he puts a steaming bag on my lap.

"Thank you."

"Anytime. Home?"

"Yeah."

When we get home he makes me wait while he brings down a sheet and bed pillows for the couch.

He drapes the sheet over the seat and back, helps me out of my clothes and then installs me on the extra snuggly couch.

I get a blanket, my McDonalds, a bottle of water, Tylenol and the remote.

I doubt I'll watch but it's a nice thought.

"Thanks darling."

"Anything else you need? I wanna read these discharge papers."

"You don't need to read those, I just have a concussion and a stupid gash on my head. You should go back to work if you need to."

"I figured Tylenol would be better because of the head wound.  I'm not going back to work, Emmett. I'll check in later and do some work from home tomorrow but right now I'm all yours."

"I'm just going to eat and then rest until the pills kick in. Wake me up in two hours or I won't be able to sleep later. If you can't wake me up or I start vomiting all over the place, call the hospital."

There, now he doesn't need to read the papers.

********

"Emmett? Emmett?"

Huh? Oh.

My head. Ow.

Finnegan.

"Hey darling."

"Thank God, I was sort of scared to try to wake you up because if I couldn't... but you're fine. Need anything?"

"To piss."

He helps me off the couch as if I'm an invalid and shadows me to the bathroom.

"Gonna hold my cock, too?"

"Somehow I doubt that would help you pee. God, I hope it wouldn't."

"No, no darling it wouldn't. You holding me is not exactly relaxing. Go, I'm fine."

"I'll wait right outside."

Fine.

I haven't been mothered like this since, well, it's been a long time.

I would complain except that I doubt it would do any good and I don't want to.

It's kind of nice, actually.

I make sure to wash my hands really well since he's listening.

I need him to cut off this stupid bracelet.

He'll be glad to help.

He puts me back on the couch and brings me a book and then he does something that means a lot. 

He puts his box of toys on the coffee table. 

"You can play with them if you want."

[mariaxia]

after six years, part 1: making the switch

It's been a long time since I've posted here. It boggles my mind that my first blog entries here were from over six years ago. It still feels as though my "switch into tech" has been a recent development, but on reflection I think I've gone through a lot of ups and downs with it in a way that I haven't really processed, because I think of it all as just being one big block of time of "being in tech". But these days I've been thinking about how I really want to complicate this word, "tech," because actually everything is technology. It feels almost stupid how long it's taken me to realize this, but everything truly is technology, and what I think of as my era of "being in tech" has actually been many distinct eras, some decidedly not technologically-minded at all: I was at times a skeptic, a learner and a dreamer, an experimenter, a job seeker, a happy corporate stooge, an unhappy corporate stooge, a theorist. And even now, as I venture into different fields, I feel a return to that spirit of curiosity that makes me realize that (1) technology is not interchangeable with computers, and (2) it's time to reflect.

Six years ago, in 2017, I was unemployed. I had abruptly quit a job, with no plan lined up. It felt like throwing up: my body just decided to do it. My legs walked into my manager's office and my mouth opened and two weeks' notice fell out. The job I quit was in the non-profit public interest legal sector: I was what they called a housing advocate. I worked there for only two years, but that job gave me my politics. It taught me what it meant to be a worker, and also what it means, specifically, to do work in the public interest. It shattered my naive idea of it--that it would be heroic and ennobling--and replaced it with the mundane reality of it: painstaking drudgery and paperwork, imperfect people, visible setbacks, barely-visible progress, many moments of being an asshole to somebody and getting used to it. Sometimes this idea that I was part of a fight for a more just housing system offered the romantic notion that the difficulty was the point: that my under-compensation and boredom and frustration at work was a much-needed reality check on the road to learning how to do this type of work for the long haul. But sometimes it felt like the veil lifted and the whole non-profit industrial complex would look like a scam, truly pointless, a way for capitalism to launder itself, and even if this was all very black and white thinking, it was certainly true that if I wasn't working this job, twenty other qualified people (whether some Ivy league white kid with four years of college Spanish and family money, or a city college grad who grew up in public housing and dreamed of becoming a lawyer) were yearning to fill my spot. So I quit.

I've narrativized my "switch into tech" in at least ten different ways. I've had to explain it to other employers, to people I've dated, to people who call me asking if they should do the same. Usually I'm juxtaposing tech to public interest law, because people want to know why I left one and went into another. But to do that would be to skirt over the months of hand-wringing unemployment in between, when I was so demoralized by the outcome of pursuing various dreams (trying to dedicate myself to writing, trying to dedicate myself to the social good) to try to articulate and then pursue another dream that was sure to end up with me being mentally and financially unstable. I thought about going to art school to try and become a painter. I thought about going to design school to try to become a landscape architect. I thought about trying to become a mathematician. I thought about trying to become a doctor. In the end, the decision to pick up coding felt almost arbitrary: it was there, and it seemed like it couldn't hurt, it could only help, and everything else looked like a bad option. I wasn't trying to be something. I was just trying to get away from direction-lessness.

Then came six months of a truly invigorating time. I felt intellectually stimulated for the first time in a long time; my learning was gratifying and also purposeful. Doors seemed to open everywhere: I could focus on databases! I could focus on compilers! I could make fun games! There were communities for every niche interest, and theoretically there were jobs waiting at the end of it. After three months of self-study, of having convinced myself that I could program, I enrolled in a coding bootcamp, and I crushed it, and I had five job offers within a few weeks of completing the program, three of them with six-figure starting salaries, something I never dreamed I could achieve.

I took one of the jobs that would let me move to a city and live with my boyfriend of the time. My first two years in that job were so lovely. I loved the work. I loved how much I was learning, I loved the mentorship of my coworkers and the collaborative dynamic we had. I felt that my work was meaningful; what was particularly meaningful was how responsible I was for it, how the quality of my work mattered to me and mattered to those around me in a way I hadn't felt in a long time.

I don't feel this way now, but now I am tired, so I will have to write about those subsequent years as an unhappy corporate stooge some other time.

[bylightofdawn]

Today was... a day. A very long, agonizing day. Started with driving to another town to visit my GP. Talked to him about wanting to try and figure out if I DO have ADD or not and also about a new sleep med since my sleep schedule is fucked.

Because that vertebra in my neck was out and I couldn't pull my head back so it was forcing my head forward in a weird posture this caused all the supporting muscles to start spasming so the pain just escalated from there. But because I was driving I couldn't take any kind of muscle relaxer. So by the time I got to my chiropractor and they put me on the table face down, it shoved my head back into a regular alignment which then caused all those muscles to go into a nuclear meltdown. I don't think the chick who was checking me in quite understood how much pain I was in but by the time she'd gotten to the massager I was fucking CRYING from her pushing my shoulders down with her body weight and it just fucking sucked big donkey balls.

My chiropractor came in and suggested I do combo therapy cause there was no way she was going to adjust me when my muscles were that tight and spasmodic. That's an extra 25 bucks which...sucks but at point I was trying to not bawl like a child in the office and it did definitely help a lot. I have a TENS unit but that ultrasound machine is like a new level. I've seen them online for a couple hundred bucks and if I didn't live alone and had someone who could help me reach my back I might seriously consider buying one but for now I'll make due with my TENS unit.

Thankfully, my chiropractor was able to adjust my neck but fuck me I am still so sore and in so much pain, it's not even funny. I am SO GLAD I requested the entire day off because of my doctor's appointment, I don't think I could have worked even after getting adjusted. Tomorrow is my regular day off and I really need to just suck it up and make up the hours but NGL? I'm still super sore and in a lot of pain so I don't know if that's going to happen. I think I'm going to work half a day and see how I feel then. I could always make up the other 4 hours on Sunday.

I'd prolly fucked up my sleep schedule even further because I came home around 4 and slept for four hours. But I was just so wiped out from the pain and the lack of sleep last night.

I caught this week's episode of Mandalorian however and I need to watch the Bad Batch because people are freaking out over Crosshair on twitter so I think I'm going to do that. I'd like to write a little more but that might be too optimistic on my part.

I deal with chronic pain all the time but holy fuckballs I don't think I've screwed up my neck that badly in years. I couldn't think clearly, couldn't <I>talk</I> because my mind kept blanking on words and I know I was a fucking zombie all day long. Bruh, that fucked me all up.

And I think it kinda concerned my doctor because he wants to see me again in 2 weeks. :/ We did switch my muscle relaxer to zanaflex which I have been on in the past so I guess we'll see how that goes. I haven't picked it up from the pharmacy yet and will try and do that tomorrow.

One good thing that happened was I found out the Game Stop in seguin has the Tobirama funko pop I was wanting and I bought that. Annnnd I might have bought the bad batch set cause it was on clearance as well. I thought about getting the Hashirama but meeeh. I don't like him nearly as much as Tobirama. My three Naruto blorbo were Tobirama, Shisui and Iruka. I might actually perish if Shisui got some love from the US market. There's some REALLY gorgeous and outrageously expensive status out of Japan which I'm not spending my money on. Though NGL I am honestly shocked and disappointed Iruka hasn't gotten his own funko pop yet. Like WTF, I know he's just the most mid ninja ever who is completely overshadowed by everyone else with their stupidly overpowered abilities but STILL. SMH

Okay, time to watch TBB and pass the fuck out time now.

#life of el #haha fml #this somehow turned into a post where I ranted about my favorite naruto blurbos and the criminal lack of funko pops they have not received. #Considering last week I was bitching about Fenn Rau not getting one I think I need to accept my niche tastes will not be satisfied

[harrysmimi]

Lovely

Chapter 7: Tests

Series Master list

More of my work

"Hey baby, gotta wake up now." Harry spoke to his love laying next to him wrapped up in his sheets.

It was yet another Monday morning and YN had to go to work. He had a day off that day. Harry had to stay quarantined for two weeks because someone from his sets tested positive for covid. It almost killed him as he was not able to see his lovely and hug her and kiss her and make love to her. He just saw her on video calls for two weeks. He finally got to meet her in person.

"Five minutes." She mumbled flopping onto her tummy.

"You'll be late for work darling." His hand slid across her bare back. "You said you have some important work today, didn't you?"

"Yeah. I am just very tired. I feel sick." She said turning her head to look at him.

"You don't have a fever, what happened? Did you eat something wrong?" He asked scooting closer to her and checking her temperature.

"I don't know." She sighed, her heavy eye lids falling closed on their own.

"Can you take the day off? I think it might be the over time you worked last week." He suggested.

"Yeah. I really don't feel like going to work today." She agreed, "why do I feel like my head is about to explode?"

"I am sorry baby. You can sleep by the time I make us breakfast, Okay? I'll get you some painkillers as well." He kissed her temple.

"Thank you."

"Of course darling." He kissed her forehead again before he got out of bed. He made french toast, he tried his best to make something new other than pancakes.

YN lied in Harry's bed feeling some pain in her abdomen area. YN have had irregular period her whole life. She was on birth control pills to put her periods on track. She was going to get her periods she reckoned. She informed her HR that she wants to take a sick leave for today, and her leave was accepted.

"Hey lovie, breakfast is ready. Do you want me to bring it here or you want to come out?" Harry came back into his bedroom.

"No, I'll come out." She sighed.

"Alrighty, you can borrow my clothes if you want. I don't know where your dress went last night." Harry smiled sheepishly.

"Yeah, thank you!" YN chuckled.

YN got freshened up and put on one of Harry's large shirt and sweat pants. She went out to see Harry had a very appetising looking breakfast ready. French toasts and chopped up fruits and berries.

"Oh you're really a fruit man. I thought your fans only joked about it." YN commented.

"Fruits are healthy for you." Was Harry's explaination. "Did you inform your HR?"

"Yeah, she accepted my leave." YN nodded sitting next to him at the dining table where he had her plate set up.

"You look really tired baby, you want to go to see your doctor?" Harry asked.

She was really over working herself. She had her exams coming up so she had to take two week off from work for that. She can't get paid leave for two weeks straight so she was working all her over time hours before. Or it would mess up her perfectly planned monthly finances and expenses.

"I don't think so, I'll be fine. Just need some rest." She assured him.

"You sure?"

"Yeah." She nodded.

After Harry was done he went to pick up their clothes they scattered last night. He saw YN's phone buzzing on the sofa.

"Lovie your Papa is calling you." He said reading the caller ID.

YN was shook. He haven't called her from past four years. What the fuck he wants? Especially knowing it would be half past ten at night there in India.

"What?" She almost screamed.

"Here." He handed the phone to her. Her heart started pounding against her chest like crazy. "Hey, what happened? Don't you want to talk to him?"

"I- he never calls me. I am just scared to answer his phone." She panicked slightly.

"It's okay, answer it before it disconnects if you want. He won't do anything via call to you, I promise." Harry assured her.

"Yeah." She nodded. She answered the call.

"Hello?" She said and let out a sigh hearing her Grandmother. She just called to ask how she was doing and stuff because it's been a year since the accident. She even apologised for not calling YN from past few weeks, she said she didn't had the calling plan on her phone, and that's why she called her from her dad's phone. She was asking YN to come back to India and live with them now once the airlines are open again, she doesn't have to live alone.

YN was feeling overly emotional from past weeks. The other day she cried because she forgot to get tea on her grocery store trip. And she cried now too. Her dad was being a bitch like always, telling her- no, ordering her to never go back to live with him. She never lived with him in first place, but it was still a bad stinger for her. He was her dad and she didn't understood how can he hate her so much. He loved her little so much! Treated her like a princess but YN didn't know why he hated her in particular. She hung up after a few minutes of talking to her grandpa.

"It was my grandmother." YN told Harry.

"Oh, hope she's doing fine." He smiled.

"Yeah, she is." YN nodded.

"Now come here let's watch a movie or maybe take a nap. You need to rest." He patted the cushion next to him. YN went and sat next to him.

"You look really adorable in my clothes." He whispered against her cheek before planting a gentle kiss on her skin making her scurry down on her seat shyly. He really found her adorable drowning in fabric of his clothes. Harry just looked at her with an adoring look on his face. Her skin was glowing, her hair looked really pretty but yet tiredness was more visible on her gorgeous features. But there's nothing a nap can't fix, right?

"What?"

"You're glowing." He said.

"Stop it, you're making me blush!" She felt like her face was gonna fall off by smiling and blushing so much. She was not used to all these compliments. He laughed at her reaction.

Harry put on YN's favourite Marvel movie but she fell asleep eventually. Her head rested on his shoulder her one arm wrapped over his tummy. Harry carefully took off her glasses and set them aside. There was no point in keeping the TV, it was only going to disturb her slumber so he turned it off and picked his book from the little table just beside the sofa. He just read through his book whilst his love took a nap cuddle up next to him. She looked really comfy.

YN's phone dinged. Harry never looked at her, he didn't even looked at his own but the ID got his attention. It was a little Get well soon message from her ex-boyfriend. It dinged again a few times, he reckoned those were her other colleagues. Harry hated YN's boyfriend, of course he does! Harry ignored it and continued reading his book.

Harry did saw the guy when he went to pick up from office to surprise her, that guy was talking to her by the exit. YN did told Harry that there is nothing and he was just talking about work- not that she was obliged to give him in an explanation on talking to her Ex who works with her. YN just felt bad seeing Harry's face there. Harry was just of a jealous kind. Yet he was not brave enough to fucking confess his feelings.

Harry if you're not going confess your feelings for her anytime soon, you better take your jealous ass somewhere else! - said his inner voice.

......................................................................

It's been few days.

YN and Harry were back to work. They now saw each other mostly only on weekends.

YN really wasn't feeling well. She was PMS-ing- or at least she thought- too bad yet she didn't get her period. She decided to visit her doctor after work. She never been to doctors alone so she was nervous, she always had her mum tagging along with her. She'd just chicken out and blank out telling her problems to her doctor. She hopes she doesn't blank out today. To make that sure she made notes on phone with all her problems. It was overwhelming enough for her with fluctuating hormones and mood. She was finally called in.

"Hello Dr. Brown." YN said as she walked.

"Hello YN." The lady smiled, "hmm.." she ushered YN to speak with a nod of her head.

"I- I... Just a second." She knew it! She pulled out her phone, "sorry, I just... I don't usually come alone."

"It's all fine. Take your time." Doctor said. "Your mom didn't come with you this time."

"Oh... Uhh... She- she passed away a year ago in car accident." YN explained.

"Oh, I am so sorry." YN just nodded looking at her phone.

"I- am sorry I just made notes." She said.

"It's totally fine. What ever makes you feel comfortable. We're here to make you better!" Dr. Brown said in a very assuring tone.

"I have been feeling pain in my abdomen. Also, didn't get my period from past two months." YN explained.

"Are you still taking the pills?" Doctor asked.

"Yes, I- I am still taking those." YN nodded. Her doctor examined her after all her questions were cleared from YN.

"Are you sexually active?" Doctor asked. YN's face went pale. "It's okay, you can tell me so ai can help you here."

"I- uhh.. yeah." She didn't know why she was so embarrassed to say that she has been having sex, but she was. Doctor didn't seemed to judge her, so that was relief, there was nothing to be judged with that, she herself said she was there to help her!

"Can your partner get you Pregnant?" Okay... YN did not expected that at all. Of course the person she was having sex with could get her pregnant. But they were using protection. They weren't relying on her typical use of birth control pills... And it was the just first time YN and Harry sex was when they didn't use protection. But it was months ago. She was getting her periods on time after that like usual. What the fuck?

"Ye- yeah." YN nodded again.

"I suggest you take a pregnancy test here, just to be sure, yeah?" Doctor suggested. "Then we'll see from there."

......................................................................

YN collected her reports. She had to get blood test done after she took the pregnancy test there.

"How can you be so careless YN!" She scolded herself.

The test came out positive. Even the blood reports. Though YN was too scared to get her ultra sound done there and then, she went through it. It told her she was already twelve weeks in.

She went back home the first thing. Sitting down on her sofa she started crying.

"How can this be happening? No!" She mumbled to herself. "How can you be so ignorant for three months you stupid ass bitch!"

She was just talking to herself. She didn't know what to do. She knows it is Harry's, he's the only one she's been having sex with. She was more worried about the baby- or Foetus as the doctor refered to it as- inside her, it had a proper heart beat now, it was alive! It wasn't fully a baby yet, but it was still something alive!

God this is not right!

She is just nineteen for gods sake!

YN didn't know where she should start thinking about this. She had college, work, she was alone. Her grandparents would definitely abandon her like they did to her cousin because they're very fucking religious. Does she want to keep her child? If yes then how was she going to provide for it? Of course it wasn't just her child, but what if Harry didn't believe her?

The time line doesn't add up in Harry's perspective to her (it was just her assuming he won't believe her). She didn't saw him for two weeks, three months ago, and then again a few days ago she didn't saw him for two weeks. What if he thinks it wasn't his? And they were... Oh wait a minute!

It must be the time when she forgot to take her pill and that was the day.. oh god! No this isn't happening!

She wasn't brave enough to bring that up to Harry already. It felt so wrong to her knowing they were not in a relationship. She was just "not just his friend" what was that supposed to mean?

She wasn't showing, it was very unnoticeable but it was at the same time. To her. She knows how she looks like very well and she could notice the tiny bump. That was the reason she was having abdominal pain because she slept on her tummy a lot, for all this time she thought she have been putting some weight. The little foetus was visible in the grainy pictures.

"YN you are so fucking stupid!" Her hands went up to her face as she fell back on the sofa.

Oh god, stop overreacting!

No, you're not overreacting. It's a serious matter!

Oh come, on it's not. Just go tell Harry, not a big deal!

IT'S A BIG DEAL!

She had her mind and heart fighting together.

The click of the door caught her attention. Harry have the keys to her apartment and come to see her immediately after shoot. Fuck! She wiped off her face and hid the file behind the sofa cushions.

No, no don't hide it there! She picked up the file and ran to her bedroom and shoved the files amongst others on her desk.

"Lovely are you home?" She heard Harry.

Stop it YN! Don't ever show him your stupid face!

She heard the bathroom sink running as she sat down on the edge of her bed.

"Baby, I saw your bag in the living room. Are you in showe-" Harry paused, "Hey."

"Hi." YN squeaked.

"You alright baby?" He crouched down in front of her.

"Yeah. What happened to me?" YN said in hurry. Her heart pounding against her rib cage ready to burst out any moment.

"Sure." He nodded suspiciously. "How was your day?"

"It was good." She said. "How was your day?"

"It was amazing, I'm just a little tired." He sighed leaning in to plant a kiss on her lips but YN moved her head to a side, he settled on a peck on her cheek.

"You sure you're alright darling?" He asked again.

"Yeah. Yeah, I am sure." YN nodded. "What do you want for dinner?" She got up and rushed out quickly.

"I am not that hungry so I'm just gonna settle on a glass of milk." Now she was just ranting.

"I am not that hungry either." He said, "We had dinner at the set."

"Okay." She nodded. She poured herself a cup of milk.

"You have got something to say?" He asked folding his arms over his chest.

"I am going to pull an all nighter and study. I- I have an online mock test tomorrow." That was made up but she do have a test not the next day.

"How are you going to give the test when you'll be all sleepy in the morning?" He asked.

"I didn't study okay?" She snapped.

Oh no!

"Oh, I'm sorry. I- I didn't study properly. This- this is important." She explained.

Harry knew something was up with her. She never rambles like this, or not that he knows of. And how can a mock test be important? Maybe it is? Maybe it is just a practice round before her actual exams, maybe... He didn't quite understood her studies. Really. He have seen her multi-tasking, attending her classes and working at the same time. Also her study strategy was out of his mind. He went to school too, he completed his highschool and he knew he wouldn't get past one semester with her study methods. She still managed to ace her tests though, so, at least it works for her.

"Wanted to talk to about something, guess we can do that tomorrow after your mock test?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, sure." She nodded sipping on the milk.

"You- you want me to leave?" He asked gesturing to the kitchen door.

"Your wish. You- you can stay... If you want to." She shrugged

Oh no, what if he stays? You... You will have to study the whole night then.

You're digging your own grave YN! Hahah!

Shut up! No, just stay calm!

Hehe right. Stay calm. You're kicking his ass out of your home.

Stop it, it's not nice to say that!

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow after work, yeah?" He suggested.

"Yep!" She nodded. His eyes on her lingered longer before he nodded as if to announce he's leaving. YN sighed leaving her cup on the counter, she went and hugged him wrapping her arms around his torso. Harry was confused of her weird behaviour but he wasn't complaining about the hug. He hugged her back.

Fuck these hormones!

Stop it's cute!

"Babe you sure you are okay? You were a little sick not even a week ago." Harry said in quite voice.

"Yeah, I am fine." She mumbled.

"You know I'm always here for you right?" He asked.

Okay that was assuring. But she still wasn't brave enough to tell him she is pregnant. With his child.

"Yeah." She nodded.

And I love you. So much!

Ew! No! - That was he mind acting like an evil demon of some sort today.

"Can I have a kissy before I go, please?" Harry requested.

God she now feels bad for dodging his kissy before!

She hummed a confirmation sound before she pulled apart enough to look at him. Harry looked down his non-existing double chin making him look ten times more adorable with a soft smile playing on his lip. He dipped his head down slotting their lips together in a long kiss.

"Don't stay up too late okay?" He tucked her loose hair behind her ear.

"I won't." She assured him. He kissed her again before he left.

......................................................................

Another three days passed by. YN started off with her exams so she was home all day, every day.

She had her landlady come up yesterday to tell her the leash is coming to an end. YN couldn't extend the leash because the landlady wasn't going to put up the appartment for rent again. YN was still in college. She can move into dorms, she can figure it out after she graduates where she'd live then. One of her classmate was looking for a roommate she knew. But it was still stressful enough for her. Luckily her classmate still had the offer up, there were her and other girl staying there. Three girls in total, including YN herself. YN could get used to living with roommates. She was trying not to stress much about it.

She still haven't told Harry that she is pregnant. The more she kept it to herself the more it was killing her. She knew it she can't take her time with this, she needs to make her decision soon, whatever it will be. She would feel really guilty to not tell Harry about it, and make her own decision.

Today she ran to stores like every week to get stuff. It was something she always looked forward too but this time she wasn't. She was too tired to go anywhere.

YN received a call from Harry. He doesn't call her, he doesn't need to because he's with her almost all the time. Well, now he isn't. Shut up and answer the call.

"Hey lovely, you're not home?" He asked.

"Hey, no I am at the store right now." She said, "you need anything?"

"I left my wallet at yours last night. Can I go and get it if you don't mind?"

"Of course you can. Don't need to ask." YN said.

"Okay, see you tonight baby."

Oh the way he calls her by his pet names! *Chefs kith*

"Yeah, see you." YN smiled. She heard Jeffery behind before the call disconnected. She got back to what she was doing.

......................................................................

"Hah! Would you look at that? Now you can stop being so crazy about this girl and focus on work, rather than thinking why is she distancing herself."

Harry was looking for his wallet when he turned around to look at his manager who was helping him, or at least he thought waa helping him.

"Why are going to through her stuff? That's not right." Harry snapped. He himself never touched her personal stuff.

"I wasn't going through it, it was kept wide open on her desk. How can you not see it?" Jeffery said.

"Doesn't give you the excuse-" Harry's attention went to the grainy pictures Jeffery was holding up. He took those from him, they had YN's name on it and dated three days ago.

Wait... What?

That's why she has been acting so weird and distanced from him? Harry thought he did something and she was mad but didn't wanted to say that she was mad.

That baby is his! He knows it!

It was his right?

He trusted her enough. He have known her for over half a year now. God he was in love with her, he have to trust her! She wasn't the type of person to just sleep around with random people. Plus they're in a middle of a worldwide pandemic.

He felt so bad. For her, really. She was going through so much already. This shouldn't be happening right now. He didn't told anyone about her (well he did told Florence about it but only a little bit, she probably must have forgotten about their conversation. And it was just Jeffrey), especially his mum and sister. He felt so bad for keeping to himself. What was he going to say to them? He isn't a kid but he never told them about her. Harry have been seeing she was struggling financially too, though she didn't told him about that.

"You okay Harry?" Jeffery asked.

"I- uhh.. no I am not." Harry admitted.

"It's okay Harry. Isn't your fault she cheated on you."

"Will you stop making stupid ass assumptions about her? No she did not cheat." Harry defended his YN, of course she didn't.

"Right." Jeffery nodded.

Harry picked up the reports kept on the table as well. Going through them he saw 12 weeks highlighted in bold letters on it. She was perfectly healthy and so was the foetus. He wouldn't like refer to it as a foetus, the baby was perfectly healthy. That was a nice thing...

"It's yours Harry?"

"Of course it's mine Jeff. What do you mean?" Harry was so pissed by him the moment he dug out this thing. Harry would have waited until she brought it up herself. She must be so nervous to talk to him about it that she was trying to completely ignore him.

"Why didn't she tell you about it then?" He asked.

"It's between me and her. You don't have to worry about it." Harry closed the file neatly and kept it on it's place.

"I will not be going to shoot today, you can inform at the set." Harry sighed. He was going to wait for her and talk to her.

"You have to go to shoot. Take half the day off." Jeff suggested.

"Alright, can you pick me up by four?" Harry asked and he nodded.

"Ask for a paternity test." Jeff commented before leaving.

......................................................................

YN was home in no time.

She was not impressed by herself for buying shit load of junk food. She never ate junk food really, but she was craving that like hell. YN almost screamed seeing Harry sat on the sofa going through his phone absent mindedly. She wasn't expecting him to be home at all.

"You scared me!" She sighed. Harry hurried towards her and took the bags from her hand.

"You didn't go for your shoot?" YN asked.

"No, I took half the day off." Harry answered keeping the bags on kitchen counter. He looked up at her finally.

"What?" She got nervous by the way he was looking at her.

"Come with me." He held hand out for her to grab it. She took his hand in hers hesitantly. He walked her to her bedroom.

Fuck no! HOW DID HE SAW THAT?

He opened up the file on her desk and tapped on it with his pointer finger on where it was written Positive before he looked at her again. YN have never wanted to shrink away this bad. She wouldn't run if there was a tsunami happening right now. Or she would willingly jump into the black hole after launching herself to the space. She would need to rob Elon Musk's office to get a space ship. But anything she'd do to just disappear. She was planning to tell him tonight. But she didn't wanted him to find out about it like this.

"Were you not going to tell me about this baby?" He asked.

Okay she's scared of him now. He didn't sounded rude or scary but she was scared.

"Why were you going through my stuff?" She asked nervously.

"It was kept on your desk wide open. You forgot to put it away, lovie." He said. "Were you not going to tell me about this?" He asked again.

"I- I was." She sighed, "I am just scared Harry. Don't look at me like that!" She whined.

"It is mine, YN?" He asked.

Wait.. what? - it was her soft inner voice asking confusedly.

"What the fuck!" She exclaimed, "of course it's yours Harry!"

Told you he's not going to believe you!

No, he will. Just be quite for once!

Just wait for him to ask for paternity test. Just like your own dad asked your mother.

He won't. He trusts me right? He won't-

"Don't you trust me or something?" She asked pulling her hand away from his. God she was ready to throw a punch!

"I do trust you but-"

"Why is there a but if you trust me?" She snapped interrupting him.

"Are you going to keep it?" He asked instead of answering her question.

"Answer my question first." She demanded.

"I trust you YN. I need you to please calm down and talk to me. This a lot, I know, it is a lot for me too. Please try to understand?" Harry said calmly.

"I am calm!" She said but she was freaking out and furious.

"Are you going to keep the baby, YN?" He asked again watching her sit on the edge of her bed.

"I don't know." She nodded in no letting her head drop into her hands.

Harry felt his heart sting at that. He doesn't want to say it but he have to. It doesn't add up to him. He wants to trust her but he it the time doesn't make sense to him. Maybe he is shit at maths, or maybe he is right?

"I want a paternity test if you keep it." Harry said.

Hah! Told you bitch. What a disappointment you are! - Her inner voice taunted her.

"No." She shook her head.

"What? Why?" He asked.

"Why? Seriously why?" She was fuming now. "Did you fall from from stairs and hit your fucking head or something Harry? You say you trust me and now you're asking for a paternity test? The baby isn't even born yet, for god's sake!"

"You seriously think that low of me? You think I go around sleeping with random people that there is chance this baby wouldn't be yours?" She asked.

She seriously did not expected him out of all people to not trust her. It was just her who knew about the news until now.

If she was going to keep the baby she won't let that happen. For the sake of her unborn baby. She knows how it feels like. The reason why her own father hates her is because he believes she isn't his daughter, biologically. Even after the paternity test. He thought her mum had an affair with her classmate, she was still studying and went to college. And that she wasn't his but that dude's daughter. She always craved for the love from her father and wanting him to the male figure in her life like all her friends and classmates. Harry isn't going to believe even if she let him get the paternity test done. Just like her own father.

"That is not happening." She made it clear. "You either believe me or you can leave like every other person who have. I am not going to let you take the paternity test for the sake of this baby."

By the way she said that Harry knew it, it hurt her really bad. She would never ask him to leave. Or at least he thought. She wouldn't ask him to leave right?

Her mummy instincts were kicking in already. She didn't even know if she wanted to have the baby. But god she was ready to kill or die for them!

"YN I-" the door bell went off interrupting Harry.

YN went to check it. It was his manager.

"What do you want?" YN asked.

"Is Harry there?"

"You could have texted me Jeff?" Harry walked out.

"I have been waiting for you from past half an hour. I texted you and even called you." Jeffery said. Harry checked his phone lying on the coffee table, there were five texts and three missed calls from Jeffery. "Come on, gotta leave."

"I need the keys back Harry before you leave with your baby sitter." YN said after Harry nodded in reply to Jeffery. "Keys!" Harry looked a little taken back by her comment.

Harry handed her the keys back. "We can talk about this when I'm back YN. Please, think about it."

"No need to come back now." She said in a firm tone. "I thought about it. And it is not happening."

"Told you Harry it's not yours. Let's get going." Jeffery spoke.

"Will you mind your own fucking business?" YN snapped at him.

......................................................................

"What did I tell you Harry? How many girls did you had reaching out to you that they're pregnant with you child?" Jeffery asked once they were in Harry's car. "She's just one of them."

"Jeff can you now stop talking shit about her?" Harry was pissed already.

Harry surely regretted his stupid request. He shouldn't have said that. At least not so fucking early. She was clearly overwhelmed herself.

He wasn't able to focus on his work that day really. He was fucked up!

#fanfic #fanfiction #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x you #harry styles x reader #x reader #harry styles fic #harry styles x y/n #dadrry #dad!harry

[airis-paris14]

Wonder What She Thinks 4

Summary: She learns to put herself first and he loses the best thing he ever had.

Masterlist || 4 || 5

I’m not the jealous type, I like the other guys, I wish you all the best, I’ll help you pick her dress… I’m actually happy for you. - “Wonder What she Thinks of Me” Chloe x Halle

“I can’t believe y’all are making me do this,” Zoe huffed as she dipped all three tests in the cup by the sink. “Girl please,” Sylia dismissed, “you’re lucky you got a roommate who’s an OB. I can spot a pregnant lady from a mile away.”

“And if you’re not pregnant, at least you know you aren’t,” Kenois shrugged from her position on the closed toilet. “And what if I am?” Zoe frowned, setting the tops back on each of the clear blue tests. “What do you wanna do? You wanna terminate? Give up for adoption? Keep?”

“I wanna keep it. I can financially support a baby and I’m already kind of attached to the idea of having a little me running around. I just don’t know how the father is gonna take it,” the young nurse admitted. “Who is the baby daddy?” Kenois prodded. “Is it that dude you had the one-night stand with?”

“That’s the only timeline that fits.” Zoe tapped her fingers on the counter behind her. “Well, at least it isn’t T’Challa’s. With his engagement he-“ Sylvia trailed off noticing the change in her friend's face. “Unless the one-night stand was T’Challa.” She raised an eyebrow and Zoe dropped her face into her hands.

“Zoe,” Kenois groaned.

“I know. I know. I regretted it as soon as it happened,“ She moaned. “Not that! How come you didn’t tell us!”

“You said you hadn’t heard from him in months,” Sylia frowned. “I haven’t. We had a drunken conversation when I spotted him out, I cussed him out for ghosting, he made the usual promises, and we had sex. I left before he even woke up the next morning,” Zoe shrugged. “And now you’re having an engaged man’s baby,” Kenois added.

“We don’t know that she’s pregnant yet,” Sylvia pushed back. “I thought you could spot a pregnant lady from a mile away?” Zoe teased.

“Heaux, I'm tryna help you!”Sylia kissed her teeth.

The group dissolved into laughter and Zoe raised her hands in surrender. “Besides I’d be a bad doctor if I didn’t consider that the symptoms I’m seeing couldn’t be the result of something else, like your recent switch in birth control, which you should really stop taking until we can get an official test done in the lab.”

The nurse nodded before looking at her two best friends. “What would I do without y’all?” She began tearing up and the other women pulled her into a group hug. “You’ll never have to find out, because we’ll always be here,” Kenois pulled back, wiping her friend’s tears. Sylia nodded in agreement. “We’ll be here every step of the way. I’ll deliver the baby, and Kenois will be her pediatrician until she graduates college, then we’ll all cry as we watch our baby go off and live life.”

“What if it’s a boy?” Kenois teased. The gynecologist shrugged, “He’d throw off the dynamic, but we’d make it work. Make sure he knows how to treat a woman and get him all dressed up in little suits and sweaters.” Sylia gushed.

“Y’all, I’m terrified,” Zoe whispered out, causing her friends to stop their chatter. “I mean I’m not married, my baby’s father is royalty and engaged to someone who is not me-“ Zoe paused before dropping her head between her knees, “and I kissed Michael,” she moaned. “Umm come again?”Kenois demanded with a smile covering her face. “When he took me to the club last night, we kissed,” she repeated.

“Okay, well how do you feel about it?” Sylia pried, trying to understand where her friend's head was at. “I loved it,” the nurse sighed. “I loved being with him, but this is gonna mess all that up.”

“You don’t know that,” Sylia soothed, hopping up to sit next to her friend. “And if he’s gonna stop talking to you over this, then he wasn’t the right one in the first place,” Kenois added. “Y’all are close because you communicate well. So sit him down and just talk about it. See where his head is at before you assume your friendship or relationship is over.”

“I don’t know. If I’m pregnant, it’s not just me anymore. I’ll have a child and we’ll be a package deal. He didn’t sign up for that.”

“At least give Michael a chance to prove you wrong,” Kenois frowned, wiping her friend’s tears. Zoe nodded as they heard the front door open and shut. “You expecting anybody?” Sylia looked at her two roommates who shook their heads.

“Iman! Sylia! Keni! Y’all left your door open again! Where y’all at?”

“Damn that nigga yelling like he pay rent,” Kenois laughed and shook her head. “I’ll go get him,” Zoe wiped her face and left the bathroom. “Where y’all at?” Michael yelled, bumping into Zoe as she came into the living room. “We were in my bathroom. And you just walking into people’s houses now?”

“Y’all the one with an open door policy. I just took advantage. No one was answering my calls and I was knocking on the door for ten minutes,” Michael moved around her to place takeout bags on their kitchen table, “Y’all need to stop doing that, what if I was some dude tryna do y’all harm?” He pulled Zoe-Iman into a hug and she relaxed in his embrace before he pulled away.

“Well I’d be calling the police right now, not standing in the kitchen,” Zoe smirked following him as he started pulling food out of the takeout bags. “Haha,” he deadpanned, “just try and lock the door, please. I already worry about y’all enough as is. Three black women living alone in this non-gated apartment complex. Weirdos just be walking in off the street-“

“Like you?”

Michael stopped and frowned, “You bout to make me pack up this breakfast and leave Iman.”

“I’m just kidding I’m sorry,” she walked over and wrapped her arms around his waist. He reciprocated the gesture and frowned as she finished speaking, “We’ll do better at locking the door. Your concern is noted and appreciated.”

“Why you been crying?”

Zoe blanched, remembering the cause of her tears. Michael had that magic effect, he could make her worries fade away effortlessly. “Oh,” she mumbled, looking away before he turned her face back to his. “I just wanna help Iman.” He searched her face as her muscles relaxed. Zoe cleared her throat,” I might be pregnant,” she answered. The room went silent and Michael dropped his hand from her face. “Okay, have you taken a test? You need me to get some?”

The nurse shook her head, “That’s what we were doing in the bathroom. Just waiting for the timer to go off. It’s probably gone off by now though,” she murmured. “Okay,” the actor ran his hand over his head, “You wanna go look?”

Zoe shook her head, “Not yet. I’m actually terrified to go back in there.”

She and Michael chuckled, “Do you know who the father is?”

“T’Challa.” She whispered.

“I thought you hadn’t seen him in months?”

“I haven’t, but before the disco club, we had a drunk one-night thing about two months ago. I was so embarrassed when I woke up. I left before he got up and swore I’d never tell anybody. Then I broke it off with him after the first night at the club and here we are,” she explained. Michael pulled her in for another hug and the two stood in the kitchen laying on each other just enjoying the embrace. “You know, this doesn’t change how I feel about you,” Michael started.

“Really?”

He nodded, his chin remained stationed on her head, “If we get together. I want all of you and that includes the child growing inside of you. They are a piece of you and for that, I already know I’m gonna love them. Even if we don’t work out as a couple, you and this child will always have me.”

Zoe felt tears filling her eyes and Michael laughed as she tried to hide it, “You so emotional” he laughed wiping her tears. “It’s not funny. It’s probably hormones,” she excused standing up to wipe her own tears. “It’s definitely hormones,” Sylia interjected from where she stood at the entrance to the kitchen. “All three?” Zoe asked and her friend nodded. “What do you mean?” Michael frowned. “All three of the pregnancy tests came back positive,” Sylia elaborated.

****

“You can’t see it right?” Zoe fretted checking to see if her five-month baby bump was visible in her dress. “No, but I still think you should tell him” Kenois pushed while watching her friend search for her shoes. Zoe stood up with one shoe in her hand, “And say what? I haven't seen you in 3 months but I’m having your baby. Oh and congratulations on getting married!” The nurse rolled her eyes and bent back down to slip the heel on her foot.

“He deserves to know he is going to have an heir in six months. Preferably before he gets married.” Kenois's eyes followed her friend as she moved around the room. “He made the decision to delete my number,” Zoe-Iman argued. “He wanted me out of his life so that he could curate this perfect image with this perfect bride and now I have to show up at their perfect wedding to play the perfect supportive best friend when I haven’t seen this man in months. He obviously still knows where we live so if he wanted to have me in his life he would have come by. But he didn’t. I will not put my child through the heartbreak of only having a father who will love them in secret.”

“Iman-“

“That is my final decision,” the nurse interrupted, grabbing her purse off of the bed and walking into the front room. “You’re going to regret this,” Kenois sighed, turning off the light and following her out.

“Hey hey,” Michael stood up off of the couch hugging Kenois then pulling his girlfriend in for a hug and kiss. “Hey baby,” Zoe smiled. “How’d you get in, I’m sure we double-locked the door last night,” Kenois asked, watching her friend interact with her new boo. Even though she was upset that Zoe-Iman wouldn’t tell T’Challa that they were expecting, she was very happy her friend had moved on. She’d watched the prince string her along for years, pretending he’d only wanted to be friends while doing everything a boyfriend should do. Zoe tried to explain it away, but Kenois saw the signs. She knew T’Challa would only break her girl’s heart and she was glad Michael could intervene and show Zoe what real love looked like.

“I let him in,” Sylia replied, leaving the kitchen with two bottles of water, handing one to the actor. “But, thank you for locking the door. Gives me some peace of mind. Especially with my main man staying here too,” Michael reached for Zoe’s bump as she swatted his hand away. “Stop. I’ve got it draped just right so my bump is hidden,” the mother fussed. “Girl,” Sylia raised an eyebrow, “that’s like trying to hide a boulder under a blanket,” the woman teased and shook her head. Zoe-Iman scoffed, “Wooow,” Zoe squinted, “I just don’t want all eyes on me. I just wanna get there, play the supportive best friend, and leave. No questions and no pitiful looks from anyone who can make an educated guess. And moreover, no drama in the press. I want a clean break.”

Ima, you know y’all are having a baby right? That’s never gonna be possible,” Michael took her hand in his and squeezed. Zoe looked away biting her lip. “Unless you’re still not planning to tell him he’s having a baby?” Sylia raised an eyebrow.

“I am the one having the baby! Not him,” Zoe insisted. “Baby, you should at least give him the option to have the child in his life. Tell him now and if he cuts y’all off again it’s his loss and you never have to see him again. But him being involved in this child’s life, is not your decision to make. He should know.” Michael frowned and lifted her face to his.

“I’ll think about it. But it won’t be today. I can’t do that to his fiancée on her wedding day,” Zoe grabbed a light jacket and walked out of the apartment leaving her boyfriend, and best friends behind.

****

“You okay?” Michael whispered in his lady’s ear. His hand rested on her lower back guiding her to their seats in the grand venue. “Right as rain,” she sighed, accepting his help to sink down in the seat. “We’re gonna go find the guys,” Kenois let the couple know before she and Sylia wandered off. “You’re ruining your perfect drape,” Michael teased as he lifted her hand that had started rubbing her five-month belly. A nervous habit she’d acquired since the moment it appeared. “Thank you,” she offered a shy smile.

“You ever think about your wedding?” Michael asked. “Sometimes,” Iman shrugged.

“Well, what’s it like?” Michael nudged her shoulder.

“I don’t want anything this big, but I want to go all out for the people I love. Small guest list, but really over the top. Flowers from ceilings, dance floors, chandeliers, maybe that really good quality fake grass in some areas so I can walk around without my shoes on.”

“I don’t understand why you always wanna be barefoot,” Michael shook his head and bit his lip. The expectant woman shrugged, “It’s the country in me. My toes feel trapped in socks and shoes. You ever walked a creek?”

“Walk a creek?”

“Yeah we used to have this creek through our yard and we’d take off our shoes, roll up our pants, and wade down the stream. Just walking on the rocks.”

“With the fish and everything?” His eyes bugged. Iman laughed, “You leave them alone, they leave you alone. Besides I learned to swim in a lake, fish don’t scare me anymore.”

“You swam in lake water? Y’all wildin’,” the actor cackled. The nurse elbowed him before joining in his amusement. “It’s not that bad. At least it ain’t got sharks,” she reasoned.

“Umm-hmm, all I know is you’d have to convince me before I go hopping in a lake anytime soon.”

“We can start with creeks and work our way up. Once the little bean is old enough, I definitely wanna make it a tradition. I want Lil bean to appreciate nature and the finer luxuries in life equally.”

“Like a boujee country hybrid?”

“Exactly,” Iman smiled, “Imma take them to the camp I went to-“

“ZoeZoe,” Camden tapped the mother on her shoulder, “What’s up Mike?” he dapped him up before addressing Zoe.

“T wants to see you,” Camden sighed. Zoe felt her heart drop, “Me? Why does he want to see me?”

“Look, I wish I knew but he’s throwing a mini tantrum. I just need him to either call off the wedding or be out here at that altar in fifteen minutes and you’re the only one he’s gonna listen to.”

Zoe huffed as Michael helped her up from the seat. “You’re a lifesaver Iman,” Camden kissed her cheek as he took Michael’s position and escorted her to T’Challa’s dressing room.

“Yeah, yeah,” she sighed. “How’s the little bean?” Camden asked as they navigated the long hallways of the venue. Zoe smiled and glanced at her little baby bump, “They’re great. Their little heartbeat is easily my favorite thing to hear in the world.”

Camden smiled as she talked about her child. He, like the rest of their friend group, was ecstatic to welcome their new addition. He or she was gonna be everybody's nephew, or niece since Iman insisted it was a little girl. He was also glad that Iman moved on from his friend, he loved T, but the man was too indecisive for his own good. He’d definitely lost a jewel in choosing Nakia over Iman. Not that he didn’t like Nakia, she seemed like a really sweet woman, but T’Challa had so much history with Iman that nothing would be able to replace it. Especially now that they were having a baby.

The A&T alum stopped in front of a suite door and sighed. “This is it,” he reached for the door but paused when Zoe stopped him. “Is my bump, is it noticeable?” She bit her lip and Camden scrunched up his face. “Yeah, but why you trying to hide it?” The nurse's face said it all, “You haven’t told him?”

Camden led Zoe away from the door and into a private corridor. “I knew y’all weren’t on good terms, but Zoe you have to tell him! How would you feel if a girl had my baby and kept it from me?”

“This isn’t the same! T’Challa is a prince. T’Challa is engaged! It’s his wedding day for god's sake. I can’t ruin this day for him!” she whisper yelled. Cam sucked his teeth, “Girl, you know that man would end this whole ceremony for you in a heart-“

“No, no he wouldn’t. This whole image ordeal has changed him. Maybe in college, he would have done that but I’m not what he’s so desperately searching for. Add in a baby and I’m definitely not what he needs anymore. He’ll be fine,” Zoe insisted.

“Look I cannot force you to tell him, but if you do not, I will. And that’s a promise,” Camden cut Zoe off as she opened her mouth. The young mother sighed and walked back over to the door. She knocked twice before letting herself in. “T’Challa?”

The groom looked up as Zoe shut the door behind her. “You came,” his face softened. Zoe took a moment to see how much he’d aged in the past three months. His eyes looked tired and he hadn’t been eating well. He looked like this quarter of a year had been exam week every week. He stood and reached for her hand but she moved away. “You look nice,” she offered, looking him over quickly. “I look like a joke,” the king scoffed. The pair stared at each other in silence. “Am I making the right decision?” The prince asked.

“You’re asking me?” Zoe raised an eyebrow.

“Iman, I always ask for your advice.”

“Yes, but you do realize you’re asking me whether or not you should marry the woman whom you cut me out of your life for right?”

“I-“ the king walked over to the couch and sunk into it. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I feel so lost without you by my side Iman. I want you to be the one wearing white and walking down the aisle at this white wedding-“

“That’s not what I want anymore T’Challa. You threw me away like I meant nothing to you. At her first suggestion, you erased me from your life.”

The future king stood and moved closer to her but Zoe-Iman moved in the opposite direction. “I made a mistake Iman. If I could take it back I would-“

“But you can’t.” She cut him off. “What you fail to understand is that you broke me T’Challa. You strung me along with promises of a relationship for years. Then we started being together physically and there were more promises. Then you broke my heart and didn’t even stay around to make sure it would start beating again. You just vanished, then we had that one night, and I realized I had to protect myself. Which meant leaving you behind. We both made the best decisions for ourselves at that moment. Only one of us regrets it. I want us to just be friends.”

“I can’t just be friends!”

“Well your majesty, that's your decision and your problem,” Zoe shrugged. “But I’m here now,” the prince insisted, “I’ll stay this time. I’m gonna call off this wedding to show you my promises aren’t empty.”

Zoe raised a hand to stop his rambling, “T’Challa stop. Call off this wedding because you don’t love Nakia, not because you want to prove something to me. I have already moved on, or I’m trying to,” she admitted.

“You are with somebody else? Already?”

“We were never together, T'Challa. You made that very clear,” the mother reminded, “You were dating and proposing to other women the whole time we were having sex. So don’t say anything to me about finding someone who is proud to be with me in front of everyone. Someone who loves me out loud. I am happy now, and I want that for you. It just will not be with me.”

“So that is it? There will never be anything between us in any official capacity?”

Zoe fidgeted with her hands, “I wouldn’t say that your majesty,” she rested a hand on her bump.”We will be forever linked.”

“You are pregnant?” His eyes widened as Zoe smoothed out her dress to reveal her bump. The prince looked like tears would fall any second.

“We didn’t use protection that last time in the hotel, and I was switching birth controls. But obviously, I wasn’t thinking about that when I was drunk,” Zoe rambled. “May I?” The king interrupted, gesturing towards her stomach. The nurse nodded and the king bent down running a hand over her bump biting his lip. “Zoe,” he looked up, “I have to marry the mother of my child.”

“T’Challa no,” she stepped back, “We can co-parent but I have found something else worth fighting for. I won’t marry you just because I am having your child.”

“Iman please,” the prince begged, “I can’t lose you and this child on the same day.”

“No T’Challa. Do whatever you feel necessary today, marry Nakia or not, but everyone thought you at least deserved to at least know you were having a child. I did not do this to win you back.”

“And what about you? You were not going to tell me, my love?”

“Don’t call me that,” Zoe replied, purposely ignoring his question. “Zoe-“

“Whatever decision you make about Nakia, it does not matter to me. They just thought you should know so you can decide how or if you want to be in this child’s life.”

The king stood and nodded. “I want to be there, I will be there. But it will take some time, just trust me.”

“You are not making this promise to me, you are making a promise to this child. There is nothing for me to forgive,”

“Ayy, T’Challa we gotta go man. Make a decision!” Camden banged on the door. “Just promise you will forgive me. I need you to promise-“

“What am I forgiving?”

“Just promise me,” T’Challa pleaded as he grabbed his suit jacket, pausing to kiss Zoe’s cheek. “I love you,” he cupped her cheek before hurrying out of the door.

“What’s he gonna do?” Camden asked, walking in and offering her his arm to lead her back to her seat. “I don’t know, but I told him about the baby.”

“And?”

“I truly don’t know. He just said it would take time. Well, he asked me to marry him then when I rejected his offer, he asked me to forgive him and wait for him.”

“Forgive him for what?” Camden asked. “I don’t know,” Zoe glanced at the altar, “but I have a feeling we are about to find out.” She gave Camden a quick hug before re-finding her seat in the venue.

****

“Well that was awkward,” Michael whispered in Zoe’s ear as he helped her settle into her seat at their assigned table. “Stop,” Zoe hit his shoulder fighting off her own laughter. He only offered a grin as he took his own seat next to her. “You feeling okay? You need anything?” The expectant mother shook her head, I’m fine. Just ready to go honestly.”

Michael nodded and wrapped an arm around her shoulder before the master of ceremonies stole their attention. After each member of the bridal party had been introduced came the moment Zoe had been dreading since T’Challa appeared at the altar in the front of the church. “Now presenting, for the very first time, Mr. and Mrs. T’Challa Udaku, Their Royal Highnesses Prince and Princess of Wakanda!” The young married couple processed in and Zoe immediately regretted even showing up. Sensing her distress, Michael wraps her hand in his own and leaned into her ear, “I can’t wait to do that with you. If you’ll let me of course.” Zoe smiled at her boyfriend and bit her lip, “You want me to have your last name?”

“Yeah if you’ll take it,” the actor grinned. Their conversation was interrupted once again by the MC as T’Challa and Nakia headed to the floor for their first dance. As the song cued up Zoe turned back to the actor, “What if I wanna hyphenate?”

“You wanna be Mrs. James-Jordan?” The actor stared. The mother took a moment to think before giggling and shaking her head, “Nah, Mrs. Jordan sounds better.”

“Damn right it does,” Michael pulled her in closer as they broke out into quiet laughter. Across the room, T’Challa’s attention was pulled to the sound of Zoe’s laughter. He never stopped dancing, but his new wife could tell that she’d lost his attention. Not wanting to make a scene, she laid her head back on his chest and sighed, hoping she’d made the right decision in bowing to her father's wishes. Sure she loved T’Challa, but she couldn’t help feeling that his heart belonged to another. He’d been doing well for the last six months leading up to the wedding but all day, it seemed that his attention had been elsewhere and the bride couldn’t help but feel neglected. She snuck a glance at the woman who her husband had been staring at all night. She was here with a man, who seemed to be her significant other. They’d been giggling and sneaking glances the whole day and Nakia found them quite adorable. She hoped that she and T’Challa would get to that point one day, including the slight baby bump she could make out under the woman’s dress. Not because it was overly noticeable, but simply because she’d been longing to see the same bulge on her own form for a few months. As the dance ended, Nakia watched the man lead the mysterious woman out of the main room onto one of the many ballroom balconies. With the couple out of the room, T’Challa’s attention turned back to her and they continued through the reception motions. After receiving her plate of food, Nakia glanced out on the balcony to see the couple slow dancing as the sunset behind them. The boyfriend had the woman’s shoes in his hands as she danced barefoot on the marble tile. She smiled to herself and made a note to try and escape to one with T’Challa before the night was over.

****

“You thought about any names?” Michael murmured as he swayed slowly to Zoe-Iman’s slow dancing playlist. All the Man I Need by Whitney Houston was pouring out of her phone as the two held each other close. “I don’t know, I’ve really only ever thought about girl names to be honest.”

“What do you like for a girl?”

“I’m between Oyne and Ellijay for her first name. But for her middle name, I love Ka’iulani.”

“That’s different,” Michael hummed. “It’s Hawaiian. It means royal sacred one. Kind of ironic given her parentage, but I’ve had it picked out for years.”

“I think it’s beautiful,” Michael pulled back and leaned down to peck her lips. Without her heels, Zoe’s 5’6 frame seemed short compared to his six-foot stature. “You want me to help you think of some boy names,” he offered as the song switched to Blue by Beyoncé. “Maybe, if T’Challa comes around I’d like to let him name it if Lil bean is a boy,” Zoe revealed. “That’s fair,” the star nodded as Zoe returned to her position on his chest, “I’m glad you told him,” Michael smiled. “Yeah, it feels better knowing that he knows.” Zoe agreed. “What made you change your mind?”

“Cam threatened to tell him if I didn’t.” Michael laughed and Zoe fought back a grin of her own. “Cam is always playing the big brother.”

“And he does it well,” Zoe sighed as the song switched to I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston. The couple settled into quiet, Michael placed a kiss on Zoe’s lips as the balcony door further down opened and interrupted their silence. “Oh, I didn’t know that the balconies were all connected,” Nakia apologized once they noticed Michael and Zoe’s music playing. T’Challa eyes were glued to the way Michael was holding Zoe, kicking himself for never dancing with her when she asked.

He recognized this song as one of her favorites and felt his heart crack even more. She was glowing with happiness and he hated that he’d never get to be the reason for it. “It’s alright,” Zoe reassured the new queen, “We should probably go eat anyway.” Zoe looked up at Michael who agreed. “Congratulations, to both of you,” Michael smiled. “You two as well,” Nakia grinned, glancing at Zoe’s tiny bump. “Sorry,” Zoe looked confused before Nakia quickly elaborated, “On the baby,” she gestured and Zoe froze as did T’Challa. If only this poor woman knew, “Oh thank you,” Michael squeezed her hand in reassurance before they grabbed her phone and headed inside.

“I think I’m ready to go,” Zoe sighed. “Aight then. You wanna wait here while I go grab our stuff from the table?” The mother nodded. With a final kiss to her forehead, Michael headed off and someone else caught her attention. “You can not leave without saying hello to your sister,” Shuri grinned. “A smile spread across Zoe’s face at the sight of the princess. The teen pulled her into a quick hug, frowning when she felt the bump, but the Queen mother joined in before she could ask any questions. “ I knew I had been dreaming of fish lately,” she whispered in Zoe’s ear before pulling back from the hug. “Hey,” Michael smiled, confusion lacing his eyes as Zoe stepped back from the queen. “Michael, this is Her Majesty Queen Ramonda, Queen Mother of Wakanda, and Her Royal Highness Shuri Udaku, Princess of Wakanda. T’Challa’s mother and sister. This is Michael B. Jordan, my boyfriend.” Zoe introduced and couldn’t miss the slight frown that ghosted Ramonda’s face. “It is so nice to meet you both,” Michael grinned, kissing both Ramonda and Shuri’s hands.

“It is nice to meet you as well. Are you all leaving?”

Zoe nodded, “Yes, the little one has worn me out for the day.” The Queen chuckled and nodded, “Yes I’m afraid they will drain your energy from now on. We should have lunch though, are you free tomorrow?” Nodding, the queen and Iman scheduled a time and place to meet up. After a quick detour to say hello to the king and goodbye to their friends, the young couple was finally able to escape the party.

You never told me what exactly happened when you went to talk to T’Challa,” Michael traced his fingers leisurely over Zoe’s arms as she lay in between his legs. “Nothing much,” she sighed. “He asked me if he should marry Nakia, and of course I wanted to cuss him out.”

Michael chuckled as Zoe continued, “Once I explained why that question was inappropriate for him to ask me, he finally revealed that he wanted to get back together and I turned him down, told him that I was pregnant, and-“ Zoe hesitated remembering what had happened next. She bit down on her lip as she felt Michael shift below her. “And what?”

“He asked me to marry him and I rejected him,” she finished. “Asked you to marry him?! Is he serious?”

“I don’t know but I flat out told him that it would never happen, I had something else worth fighting for and I wasn’t just gonna leave it behind,” she smiled up at him. “Damn right, I’m not giving you up without a fight, but are you sure it’s not a law or something?”

Zoe frowned, “I hadn’t thought about it but he’s gonna have to figure it out. Either that or I’m having two husbands.” Michael scoffed as Zoe died of laughter, “Nah, once you Mrs. Michael B Jordan I am not sharing you with anyone but Lil bean.”

*****

“And T’Challa knows about this?” King T’Chaka frowned. The royal family and Zari had been enjoying a rather peaceful lunch as Zari caught them up to speed about what had been going on for the almost two years since her visit to Wakanda. “Yes sir, I told him yesterday.”

“Yesterday? And he still married Nakia?” Shuri exclaimed. “Not that I don’t like her,” Shuri clarified under her parent’s stare. “Why did you wait so late to tell him, sweet girl?” Ramonda frowned.

Zari looked up confused, “T’Challa cut me out of his life about four months ago. Yesterday was the first time I’d seen him since then.”

“He told us that he was talking to you often.”

The mother shook her head, “I think Nakia got suspicious of how close we were and he blocked me on everything.”

“How did this happen then?” The king gestured at her bump. Zoe felt the blood rush to her face, “One day we saw each other in passing and he convinced me that he was ready to make our relationship official with you all-“

“So when you came to visit, there was something going on between the both of you?” Ramonda interrupted.

“Yes ma’am. T’Challa insisted it stay a secret-“

“Because he thought I would not approve?” Zoe nodded and the aging king sighed. “Dear girl I- We- have all always approved of you. In T’Challa’s younger years I was very adamant about him not marrying an outsider, but we all mellow with age.” The king and Zoe laughed, “I want you to know, and I believe I speak for everyone when I say, that we are all overjoyed at welcoming a new member of our family.”

Zoe teared up as Shuri, the king, and the queen all reached for her hands. “I’m sorry, I've been a bit of an emotional mess recently.”

“Totally understandable, it will only get worse as they get older.” Ramonda smiled. “Well let's celebrate!” The king clapped, “if I recall correctly, Raspberry Cheesecake is your favorite dessert?” The king smiled. Zoe-Iman wiped her eyes as a laugh tumbled out from her lips. “Yes, your majesty.”

“Please! No formalities before and none required now. You are carrying my first grandchild. Father or baba is fine with me if it is fine with you,” the older man smiled before ordering a raspberry cheesecake to be brought to the table.

***

“So, who was the girl from yesterday?” Nakia rubbed the last of the coconut oil on her hands into her skin before placing the lid back on the jar. “Who?” T’Challa asked, walking out of the closet buttoning the second to last button on his shirt. “The girl from the balcony. You were staring at her and her boyfriend the whole night.” Nakia stood and shrugged out of her robe to step into her outfit for the day. “Oh, you mean Zari? I wasn’t staring at her,” the prince replied, sliding into his shoes. He watched as his new wife slipped her dress over her form and turned so he could zip it up for her.

Nakia laughs, “T’Challa you were staring so hard I’m surprised the poor girl didn’t have a hole burned through her head.” The woman turned to smooth his shirt and smiled up at the frowning prince. “Aren’t wives usually upset about things like this?”

“Should I be?” Nakia suddenly frowned. “No, but it just seems like you wouldn’t like the idea of me staring at another woman.”

Nakia stepped away to slip into her shoes. “Well, I wasn’t, but you are starting to make me feel like I should be upset. She had a boyfriend, who she’s expecting a baby with. I assumed she was just a friend you had not seen in a while. Besides, you married me so I hoped I had nothing to worry about.” She grabbed her purse before turning back to her husband. “You do not have anything to worry about. She is, was, a really close friend at one point she was more than a friend.” The newly married man admitted.

“How recently was this, we’ve only been dating for a little while,” Nakia raised her eyebrow. “She was the girl whose number I deleted,” the prince sighed. Nakia set her purse down and wiped a hand over her face. “T’Challa, be honest with me. Is there any chance that the baby could be yours?”

T’Challa cleared his throat, “We will be late-”

“Do not ignore me T’Challa! I am your wife, no matter how much I am regretting this expedited engagement.”

“The child is mine.”

Nakia nodded, “And just when were you going to tell me? When the child was born and you suddenly have an heir who did not come from my womb!”

“I just found out yesterday!”

“Do your parents know?”

“I am not sure,” the future king sighed. “Then we need to tell them today, at brunch.” Nakia grabbed her clutch and walked out before turning around. “And do not even think about returning to the same bed as me tonight.”

***

Michael: I’m outside when you are ready love

Zoe-Iman smiled at the text message that dinged across her screen. She finished the last bite of her cheesecake and looked up at the family. “I really hate to leave, but I have a doctor’s appointment to get to.”

“You’re not driving, are you? We can have someone take you if you’d like?” Ramonda offered, concerned at the thought of the pregnant woman driving alone. Iman stood from the table and the rest of the family followed, “No, Michael is outside waiting to take me.”

“Good,” King T’Chaka smiled, “He sounds like a keeper.” the older man winked. “I think he is,” Zoe laughed.”Next time, you bring him to lunch as well. We want to meet him.” Ramonda grinned. “I’ll let him know,” Zari promised, “It all works out because you all have crazy schedules, we’ll schedule it ahead of time.”

“You got my American number right? So we can facetime?” Shuri double-checked. “Got it,” Zari reassured showing her where the number was saved in her phone as ‘little sister’. “When you call please make sure you talk to us as well. I wanna know everything,” Ramonda reminded Zoe and laughed.

“I promise, I’ll text Shuri an update after my appointment. Can you all make sure T’Challa receives them as well, we still don’t have any contact.”

The monarchs frowned before T’Chaka nodded, “I’ll talk to him about that as well. For now, we will make sure the messages get passed along.” Each member of the family pulled Zoe in for a hug, Ramonda pressing a kiss to her forehead before letting the girl go. She waved goodbye as some of the waitstaff cleared and replaced their table settings. Glancing down to text Michael back she walked into someone before realizing it was the prince himself, with his new wife. Nakia glanced at her husband before offering Zoe a tight smile. “Your highnesses,” Zoe-Iman bowed her head in respect. Nakia bowed her head in return, “I don’t believe we’ve officially met. I’m Zoe-Iman, but you can call me Zoe.”

“Nice to meet you,” Nakia replied, wishing that she didn’t know what she knew. “What are you doing here?” T’Challa asked. “I- your mother, she invited me to brunch, to catch up.”

“You’re already leaving?”

“I have a doctor’s appointment-”

“Is everything okay?” T’Challa interrupted looking panicked. “Yes, it's just my bi-weekly check-up.”

“You’re going alone?” Nakia interjected, not wanting T’Challa to go, but understanding she had absolutely nothing to resent this woman for. “No, my boyfriend Michael is waiting outside,” Zoe glanced at her phone that held several missed text messages, “And he’s freaking out slightly so I should probably get going. It was nice to see you both. I’ll send any news to Shuri if you’d like to hear what happens,” the expecting mother glanced up at the king. He only nodded in reply before Zoe took her cue and hightailed it out of the door.

****

“Mrs. Jordan?” the nurse called and Michael nudged his girlfriend to stand up. “You think you’re slick don’t you?” Zoe laughed as he helped her out of her seat. “Manifestation,” he winked as she slightly waddled over to the smiling woman. “Zoe-Iman you didn’t tell me you’d gotten married?!” Kenisha gasped as she led her coworker to the back. “I didn’t,” the mother rolled her eyes and hugged her friend, “Michael’s trying to be funny.”

The actor had become well known to many of the women in the office, even before he officially started dating Zoe. He’d always show up waiting to take her out to lunch, or bring her lunch on days he knew she couldn’t step away or he didn’t have much free time. “A test run huh?” she wiggled her eyebrows at Michael as he helped Zoe onto the scale. “You better believe it. It sounds good too doesn’t it?”

Kenisha laughed,” That it does. Sylia will be in in a minute. She just got back from the hospital.”

“What happened?” Zoe asked as she waddled behind the nurse into the exam room and Michael helped her onto the bed. “Girl, Peggy Johnson almost went into labor when her husband did one of them tik tok pranks on her. You know sis pregnant with her second set of twins. He needs to sit himself down somewhere. That poor woman do so much as sneeze them babies gon come flying out.” Kenisha shook her head as Zoe laughed. “Sylia just said they were Braxton-Hicks though, but I think they’re gonna keep her overnight just in case.”

Zoe nodded, “Yeah, you know twins tend to come early. Bless her heart, I couldn’t do it. I can’t imagine pushing two babies out at once. I would like my body back after this is said and done.”

Kenisha nodded as she finished setting up the room, “Yep, and this is her second set! She said at the last appointment she wants them tubes tied, sniped, and cauterized.”

“Who can blame her,” Zoe laughed. “You're not getting your tubes tied are you?” Michael rubbed his thumb in circles over Zoe’s hand. “Why? You want your chance to knock me up?” Zoe laughed but Michael nodded seriously. “At least once. I know you are already gonna have this baby, who I love as my own, but I would like a little you or me running around hopefully.”

Zoe nodded. “I know, I wasn’t going to tie them anyway. I want at least three kids.”

“Aww y’all are so cute, “Kenisha gushed before raising the ready colored marker outside of the door and heading off.

“Hey, mama!” Sylia grinned as she walked into the room a few seconds later, rubbing in her hand sanitizer. “Hey Syl,” Zoe laughed. Sylia hugged her friend and Michael before scooting over on her rolling stool. “Well, if you’ll lift your shirt, we’ll get started with the ultrasound. I live with you so no need to go over the diet and medicine formalities. Just let me know if something feels off.” Zoe nodded as the machine whirred to life and Sylia prepped her stomach with the clear cold gel. Michael pulled Zoe’s hand into his lips and pressed a kiss to it as the heartbeat filled the room. Sylia frowned at the screen before moving the wand closer to the top of Iman’s stomach. Zoe felt her stomach drop as two heartbeats filled the room.

“Why is it echoing? Michael looked between the two women. “Bakari, that’s not an echo. Zoe is having twins.”

Taglist: @almostpurelysmut @blackbypurpose @tchoking @sisterwifeudaku @wikiwakanda @royallyprincesslilly @90sinspiredgirl @thedelightfulone @autumn242 @purple-apricots @kumkaniudaku @queertrex @kaciidubs @halfrican-heat @skysynclair19 @dramaqueenamby @gorjiss @leahnicole1219 @kreolemami @mzbritt @derangedcupcake @chaneajoyyy @lalapalooza718 @ororowrites @leahnicole1219 @sarcastic-sunshines @sarahboseman @faatassbitch @lady-love-and-glitter-roses @cxnismajcr @tchallasbabymama

#tchalla fanfiction #tchalla #tchalla imagine #tchalla x reader #blackpantherimagines #tchalla x black! reader #apbpfics #tchalla x black!oc #tchalla x oc #tchalla x you #black panther #tchalla x black reader #black panther fanfic #tchalla black panther #black panther fandom #black panther imagines #black panther fanfiction #black panther au #t’challa x oc #t’challa x reader #t’challa udaku #t’challa #T’Challa #wwstfic #wonderwhatfic

[6rookie-writer0110]

The end has arrived, let the darkness take over you

Frank Castle x Male Reader

Request - Okay good i wanna request for a male reader being punisher's sidekick his backstory is that he came from a poor family single mother 2 siblings and a deadbeat dad he wanted to become a doctor to make money for his family and then family got killed during a crossfire between 2 gangs while going shopping so now he wants revenge he gets a knife buys a gun and starts tracking them down and along the way he comes across frank who's badly injured and unconscious so he drags him away to somewhere safe

All your life you grew up poor. Your mother did everything to have food for you and your two siblings, she worked odd jobs to make sure she can buy clothes and food for everyone. There were moments, that everyone went to bed without eating anything. But your father is a piece of shit, he used to abuse you, mom, and your siblings verbally and physically. You started to fight back. You threw his stuff out then changed the locks. He hasn't come back around for a long time and you want to keep it like that.

You want to be a doctor to help people and provide for your family. Your mom would take you and your siblings to the library, you would start to read medical books old and modern. She knows you want to be a doctor, she wants to help you achieve your dream.

Later, your mother takes you and your sibling's shopping, to buy clothes.

”Y/N, here you can finish reading it at home,” Your mom said.

She gave you the medical book, the library doesn't allow people to check out.

”Mom, you stole it?” You smiled.

”Shh, it's our secret. I know you will be a good doctor and we will always support you. It will be hard but you are strong men and you will make it” She said.

You hugged your mom and she kissed your head. Your siblings hugged you too and you hugged them back.

While walking with them to the store, suddenly there is a shoot out between two gangs on the streets. Bullets start to fly everywhere, people start to run for cover.

You get hit in your arm with a stray bullet, you fall down and hit your head and you passed out.

-At the hospital--

You wake up and your arm is in pain. The IV is in your arm and you look around, the cop walked in.

”Where is my family? My mom-”

”I’m sorry. But you will have to identify your family at the morgue” She said.

Tears start to form and you are stunned.

”W-what happened,” You said.

”There was a shootout between two gang rivals, six people died now we are trying to identify them,” She said.

Your heart starts to race, that's the only thing you can hear is your heart. Later, they take you to the morgue and you see your family. You broke down and start to cry, you kneed down and kept crying.

----

What happened between the two gangs and six people died, the news kept talking about it non-stop. But the cops are taking too long to arrest anyone.

You want revenge, you collected newspapers, booked marked social media talking about the crime, and Google the videos of the crime. You go back to the crime scene during late hours. You searched for clues. You know about the two gangs and no one got arrested, that made you angry. You want to take the law into your own hand and do something about it.

-The next night-

You want to buy a gun and a knife. You know where you go and you bought the items, without any trouble. You start to stalk the first gang The blue reapers, you look at them, and you are filled with rage. Now, you start to think about how you will lure them and kill them.

You really don't have a plan. You are just going in there with a gun and knife against a gang. You are standing across the street watching them. Before you left, you heard a huge sound towards the dumpster. You walked towards the dumpster and you see a guy badly beaten up. He is conscious, you did try to wake up him but it didn't work, you tried to pick him up. You take him back to your place and you start to clean his wounds.

✯ ✫ ✯ ✫

-Next Day-

Frank wakes up and his body is feeling sore. He did struggle to get out of bed, he walked out of the room and he sees you.

”Who are you?” Frank asked.

”I found you unconscious in the alley. I took you here, to stitch you up and you don't need major surgery. My name is Y/N” You said.

”Thank you,” Frank said.

”Don’t worry your gear is fine. It's in the living room... I know who you are” You said.

”You know who I am?” Frank asked.

You nod.

”Help me. Train me, I need to get revenge for those who killed my family. Please train me-”

”I won't train you,” Frank said.

”Why not? I want those two gangs to fall apart. If we don't stop them they will kill winning and kill more people” You said.

”You don't want this lifestyle. The answer is no” Frank said.

”Just give me a chance. I saw you do it before you fight them then kill-”

”I said no!” Frank yelled.

Frank puts back on his gear and left. You sighed and start to think about what to do.

---

A couple of days has passed by, Frank hasbeen thinking about what you said. Frank started to keep an eye on you, but you didn't notice him following you. Later, you found out the first gang’s hideout. You are being reckless, you only have one gun, and there are more than ten people inside the bar.

Frank can see what you are doing. He sighed and called you a dumbass in his mind. Frank moved rapidly, grabbed you by your hoodie, and slammed you hard against the brick wall in the alley.

”What the fuck is wrong with you!?!” Frank growled.

He doesn't let go of you.

”I want them to pay!” You yelled.

”With one gun!? Once you pull out your gun the next you have a bullet in your fucking skull!” Frank growled again.

You and Frank glared at each other.

”Help me stop them. You have the skills and you can be my mentor” You said.

”Go home, before I break your kneecap,” Frank said cold.

He let's go of you and you really want him to train you.

”I work alone,” Frank said.

Frank made sure you walked away. You did go home but the landlord kicked you out because you haven't paid your rent in months. You grabbed your clothes and a family picture and left. You didn't want to go to the homeless shelter so you slept in the park.

---

Frank knows what you're going through and he changed his mind. It wasn't hard for Frank to find you. He did take you to his small apartment which you're grateful. You do sleep on the floor on air a mattress.

Every day Frank showed you how to properly clean a gun, take it apart then put it back together and how to hold a gun. Next Frank would teach you how to pickpocket and it's not easy for you. Because you have to be silent like the wind but you keep messing up. But Frank starts to teach you how to fight but he is not a nice mentor. He hits you hard and he doesn't take it easy.

”Do you think they will go easy on you? Remember, on their mind, they want to kill you either you kill them first or they will kill you” Frank said.

”I won't forget that” You said.

Frank starts to punch you and you start to block his blows. You punched him in the jaw, he almost fell and he is bleeding.

”Not bad, Y/N. Let's keep going” Frank said.

You couldn't help to smirk.

✯ ✫ ✯ ✫

Weeks went by you have been killing gang members one by one from both sides. Frank does go along with you for backup, you didn't feel bad for killing them. They killed your family and they must pay. You finished killing two people on your own, you are covered in blood.

”Sloppy but remember don't leave any evidence that belongs to you on the crime scene. Let's go” Frank said.

You and Frank leave the dive bar. Across the street, there are security cameras and it caught you leaving the bar bloody.

--

The cops found out that you and Frank have been killing gang members. They want to arrest you and Frank, but they can't find your location. Frank has taught you how to live off the grid.

--

You are ready to kill them. You and Frank did set up a trap to have both gangs in one place at the warehouse. They want revenge because you killed their friends.

”Who the fuck are you?” He asked.

”You don't care about my name. But I’m here to kill all of you” You said.

They just laughed at you and you are glaring at them. You take out your gun and shot one of the guys in the head. His body dropped now everyone stopped laughing.

”You fucking asshole!” He yelled.

Everyone took out their guns but Frank is on the rail, he is using his sniper rifle. Now everyone is starting to shoot, you run and hide behind a shipping crate. You hid your weapon and you take out the Submachine gun.

You come out and you start to kill them. You were going to load but the guy hit you and you dropped the gun. You take out the brass knuckles and put it on. Now you start to fight and you punch him in the face. He killed your family, you got on top of him and you snapped. All the rage you locked inside came out, he is bleeding out fast but you broke his face.

You grabbed your gun and the bullets, you loaded your gun. You start to shoot and more bodies start to drop. Frank run towards you

” Let's go now,” Frank said.

You followed him outside and locked the doors. You and Frank blocked every exit earlier and left bombs inside. You and Frank get away from the warehouse, he gave you the remote.

”When you are ready,” Frank said.

You didn't say anything and you pressed the button. You and Frank watched the warehouse explode.

✯ ✫ ✯ ✫

You and Frank go to a small diner to eat. You did burn your clothes because it had blood and put on different clothes. You and Frank don't say anything and just kept eating.

”What is your next move, Y/N,” Frank said.

He takes a huge bite from his burger.

”I have nothing else left for me here. We are wanted so I thought maybe I can tag along” You said.

He starts to think and he drinks his soda and you started to eat again.

”Okay, you can come with me to Canada. I have a friend who can help us” Frank said.

You nod.

--

You met Logan, he has been friends with Frank for years. They trust each other now you're friends with Logan. You told him what happened to your family and he understands the pain and he didn't judge you. Logan told you and Frank that the cops is after you two. But you didn't care, now you want to figure out what you will do with your life.

#frank castle imagine #Frank Castle x male reader #Frank Castle x reader #marvel imagine #x male reader

[whosaskingwrites]

Unrequited (Atsumu x Reader)

A/N: The first one of the series. I'm actually pretty proud of this one for it being the first one on the blog. It went under heavy editing and I think I cut out a whole two pages of pointless dialog. And it still ended up longer than intended. Anyways enjoy!

WARNINGS: Angst. Just angst that's it. And blood mentioned nothing too explicit. One sided love

DATE: Thursday October 22nd, 2020

Details: 4.8 pages 1,792 words

Theme: Hanahaki Disease- The victim begins to have flowers grow in their lungs leading to them coughing up flowers petals this continues getting worse until it causes their death. There's a surgery option to get rid of the flowers but it comes at the price of never feeling love again.

Angst masterlist

I stared at the ceiling of my room debating on if I was healthy enough for school. As I sat up my eyes drifted to the yellow petals overflowing from the trash can in the corner.

"Sunflowers," I mumbled as I looked at the petals.

They were supposed to represent happiness but as I looked at the blood flecked petals all I felt was overwhelming sadness. Summer break ended today so maybe I could get away with an I forgot.

"Yeah that sounds good," I said as I got out of bed and stretched.

I felt a cough bubble in my throat as I rushed to the bathroom I placed my hand over my mouth coughing into it. Blood seeped between my fingers as I felt the soft touch of flower petals in my palm. I sighed as the coughing subsided I put the petals on the sink counter. I cleaned the blood on my hands and face before heading back to my room. My limbs already felt weak as I walked it was a struggle to make the ten steps to my room.

"No school today," I sighed out as I laid down on my mattress. I let my eyes slowly slide closed as I fell asleep.

"Y/n," In my sleepy haze I could hear someone saying my name.

"Hey y/n wake up," I slowly opened my eyes and looked to the side. My eyes caught sight of grey hair and eyes looking at me in concern.

"Samu? What are you doin here?" My voice was thick with sleep and my speech was slightly slurred.

"What am I doing here? You haven't answered anyone's calls or texts! I was worried so I left practice to check on you," I furrowed my eyebrows at him. "You left practice? Kita's gonna be mad at you," I sat up which caused Osamu to put a hand infront of me and push me back down.

"He's the one who let me go. If anything Tsumu was mad he also didn't get to come," I coughed at that which Osamu sighed at. "Are you sick?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No I'm fi-" "Don't lie to me," I snapped my head towards him and he was staring back at me.

"I-I'm not lying," he shook his head and lifted his palm. Staring back at me was a single yellow petal dotted with red "Yes, you are," I flinched as I realized he'd figured it out.

"How long?" Osamu was quieter now as he spoke. "A year but it didn't get bad until the beginning of summer break," I whispered back as he placed the petal down on the ground.

"Who is it?" I felt everything I'd kept bottled up break down and tears fill my eyes "You already know," my voice cracked as Osamu sighed and pulled me towards him.

He wrapped both arms around me and pushed my face into the crook of his neck. "I know," he mumbled it as confirmation to my previous statement.

I started coughing again pulling back I covered my mouth with my hand. Osamu's eyes widened when he noticed more blood on the petals as they slipped through my fingers. I started heaving as more petals came up. Osamu left the room coming back with a cup of water and a rag. I put my hands down and watched the petals cover my bedsheets there was a thin red layer covering the petals making them look a reddish orange. I didn't need to look in a mirror to know there was a trail of blood leaking down the side of my mouth.

"Jesus...," Osamu spoke as he looked at me. He took the rag and cleaned my face and hands before giving me the glass of water.

"You let it get this bad?" I could see the concern laced in his grey eyes eyebrows furrowed downwards and mouth pulled down in a frown.

"I didn't realize it was this bad," my throat was scratchy as I spoke taking huge glups of water to sooth the ache the petals left behind.

"What are you going to do?" He asked "The same thing I've been doing. Try to forget about it," He blinked at my response "Is that why you've been ignoring Tsumu?" I nodded slowly. "It hasn't worked though,"

Before we could continue Osamu's phone rang. He answered it slowly "yeah?"

"Don't yeah me Samu! You've been gone for an hour! Get back here!" I could hear Atsumu's yelling through the phone. I got up and heading to the hallway with the glass tucked into my hand.

Suddenly the petals came back in my throat and I started coughing. The glass slipped from my fingers as I collapsed to the ground. It shattered next to me and a few shards cut my hands as I placed them on the floor. The petals came out red instead of the normal bright yellow causing small pools of blood to form around them.

I couldn't breath as I heard my bedroom door get thrown open Osamu stood there wide eyed with terror lacing his features. "Y/n! Hey stay with me!" He dropped to my level ignoring the glass that dug into his uniform pants and probably cut his legs. I saw the fear in his eyes deepen when he saw the amount of blood on the ground.

"Y/n!? What's happening! What's going on with y/n!?" I could still hear Atsumu's yelling despite my coughing. Osamu rapidly hung up and dialed someone else.

"Hello? My friend started coughing up blood and petals and I'm think she's dying please send help!" I could hear the panic in his voice as my eyes started to close. I finally stopped coughing and took deep wheezing breaths. Black spots covered my vision as a wave of exhaustion hit my body.

Osamu took my hand "Hey y/n no. Stay awake," I slowly shook my head in response. "Can't. I'm tired Samu," I mumbled at him. "You have to," Was the last thing he said before darkness over took my vision.

"Remove them!" "Sir, she has to make that decision not you," I let out a light groan as I slowly opened my eyes. Atsumu stood next to my bedside clearly yelling at a doctor.

He looked at me giving the doctor a chance to slip out of the room. "Osamu told me. Who is it?" I flinched at the anger in his voice.

A sense of relief filled me when I realized Osamu hadn't told him everything. "I- I can't tell you," I whispered. "No! No bullshit! Tell me!" I shook my head at him. "Is it Kita? Or Suna? No its Ojiro isn't it or-" I cut him off before he could continue. "It's you!" I yelled back at him.

"Me?" He asked slowly. I nodded in response "You can't love me," I sighed looking down "But I do," I felt those flowers again in my lungs clawing their way up to my throat.

"Well stop loving me!" I balled my fists together as a flash of anger struck me. "I ALREADY TRIED!" my throat burned in protest of the yelling. "I TRIED AND TRIED AND TRIED!" "AND IT NEVER WORKED!" tears rolled down my face as I looked at him. His eyes narrowed at me "I can't love you. So get them removed," Atsumu left the room after that leaving me sobbing into my hands.

Osamu walked in soon after "y/n," he whispered my name as he got closer to me. The doctor came in and looked at me sadly. "Are you sure about this?" He asked. All I could manage was a weak nod as I looked at the hospital bed.

"Do either of you know someone who's gone through this procedure before?" Before I could answer Osamu had said something. "Yes...My brother," I looked at Osamu in shock but he was looking away from me.

"Right well I'm going to go check the x-rays and come back and we can schedule the surgery then," I nodded at the doctor as he handed me a glass of water before leaving the room again.

"Atsumu...had Hanahaki Disease?" Osamu finally looked back at me slowly nodding. "He never told me who caused it and he got it removed before telling anyone," I sighed as I looked away.

"You know Samu I used to like sunflowers," I whispered staring out the window. "They were never your favorite flower though," He responded back to me. "You remember?" I turned to him as I asked to discover he was already looking at me. "Yep. Buttercups," I laughed as I nudged him with my shoulder "You only remember because it has butter in the name," He chuckled back at me "You caught me," we smiled at eachother as the doctor came back.

The doctor had a sad look in his eyes as he looked at me. "I don't have good news for you," The smile on my face fell as I looked at the doctor. "The disease has progressed too far for us to remove it," I gasped "W-what?" The doctor looked at me as I felt tears slip down my cheeks "I'm sorry but there's no way we could remove them without killing you," I turned and buried my face into Osamu's chest to hide my tears.

The doctor left as Osamu ran his fingers through my hair and down my back. "Samu...," I whispered and he hummed at me "I just wanted to say thank you for being there and I love you," I mumbled as I began drifting off to sleep the last thing I registered was Osamu responding to me. "...Love you too y/n,"

*third person p.o.v*

"You know Samu this is my fault," Osamu's eyes glanced to his twin who was sadly looking down.

"If I hadn't been a coward and told her...She would still be here and I could still love," He watched Atsumu set a bouquet of buttercups against the cool marble infront of him.

"Her favorite...Maybe that'll comfort her," Atsumu walked away while Osamu looked back at the grave.

Y/n l/n DOB: (b/d) 'She loved until the end'

Osamu felt a cough in his throat as a small yellow flower landed in his palm. It was covered in blood as he stared at it. It matched the ones in the bouquet and a sad laugh left Osamu throat.

"Buttercups huh...," He let the flower leave his palm with the wind as he followed his brother a small sad smile on his face as he whispered one last thing to the wind.

"I love you y/n,"

————————————————————————

TAG LIST: @wonhomarshmallow

#atsumu miya #atsumu x reader #atsumu angst #WhosaskingAngst #haikyu x reader #haikyuu!! #haikyuu x reader #haikyu #osamu miya #osamu angst

[mimisempai]

Wait for me on the other side 6/8

Summary:

Mobius must face both his past and a brutal news. He opens his heart to Loki. Loki wonders about what connects them...

Notes:

Prepare some tissues...

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32948254/chapters/82394134

House on the cliff - 2019

Mobius returned home, patiently awaited by Croki. While he was feeding him, he noticed that he had a message on his answering machine.

"Mobius, pick up, I have something to tell you. It's about Ravonna."

Forty-five minutes after Casey's call, Mobius rushed into the hospital.

He headed to the admissions office and spoke to the first person who came in.

"Hello, I'm looking for Ravonna Renslayer. I'm Mr. Mobius."

"Hold on a moment."

The young woman consulted her computer and looked up.

"Yes. Mr. Mobius. You are expected in Doctor Cho's general medicine department."

She pointed in the right direction.

When he arrived at the ward, he asked for Dr. Cho.

He waited a few minutes and a woman approached him, holding out her hand.

"Hello Mr. Mobius, I am Dr. Cho, I am the one who takes care of Mrs. Renslayer. Since you were the person to notify in case of an emergency, we called you."

"What happened? Is she okay?"

Dr. Cho motioned for him to follow her, "She's fine. She had a relatively minor collapse, but we'll have to keep her for a day or two, wait for the results of the tests we did. Since you are her only family according to her file, even for something minor we had to call you. I'll take you to her room."

Casey was waiting outside Ravonna's room when Mobius arrived with Dr. Cho. They embraced.

"How is she?" Mobius asked.

"You know her..." replied Casey, shaking his head. "I had to bring her some work, the latest reports from the financial department."

Mobius looked disbelieving and laughed, "Of course. The last thing we would want to do is let a little collapse endanger the company."

Mobius entered the room quietly. Ravonna laid on her bed, connected to monitoring devices, reading her reports and making annotations, papers scattered around her on her bed. She didn't hear him right away, and when she raised her head, she lowered the report but didn't put it down.

"Hi.", Mobius whispered.

Ravonna did not smile, simply nodded and continued to work on her files as if Mobius were not there.

After a while, she said, "I don't need you."'

Mobius simply replied, "I'm going to stay until your exam results come in."

"That's not until tomorrow morning."

"I'm not going to drive all the way home that late. I'm staying."

Ravonna shrugged and returned to her reading. The silence was deafening.

After a moment, Mobius picked up one of the magazines about expensive watches that was on the table and asked, "Do you mind if I..."

Ravonna shook her head, "Go ahead. If you're still interested in that kind of thing."

Mobius didn't look up and began flipping through the magazine.

When he looked up about ten minutes later, Ravonna was asleep. Mobius watched her breathe in the dimly lit room, the monitoring devices flashing silently. He picked up the papers scattered on the bed and stacked them neatly on the nightstand.

Then he sat down, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in the hospital room chair. Since this was impossible, he picked up a piece of paper and began to write to Loki.

I know I haven't written in a while.

But I need to... I wanted to tell you about someone who is very close to me. We are not related by blood, but I consider her to be family to me, like a big sister.

We grew up together in the orphanage.

She is well-known. You know her work... Ravonna Renslayer, the CEO of Time Keepers, the famous watch brand.

I always liked to put watches together and take them apart and Ravonna was good at putting things in the right light.

We decided to create Timekeepers when we were fourteen years old. We wanted to sell quality luxury watches that everyone could afford.

A dream of two orphans.

We promised ourselves that when we would be rich we would buy the house on the hill.

But Ravonna lost sight of our dreams and always wanted more. More money, more fame.

Mass production, overpriced watches, I had no pleasure in creating anymore.

Every meeting became a war zone.

Someone had to surrender. I did.  I quit. Without notice.

That's when I started Miss Minutes, my little store and got back to my roots.

Mobius must have fallen asleep because when he opened his eyes, he was aching from his position in the chair.

Seeing that Ravonna was still asleep, he went to the hospital cafeteria to get a cup of coffee, and when he came back up fifteen minutes later, he saw Dr. Cho.

"Ah, Mr. Mobius, we just reviewed her results with Mrs. Renslayer. Unfortunately, she has forbidden me to talk to you about them and does not want you to visit her anymore."

Mobius was hurt of course, but not surprised either, given their tense relationship.

Dr. Cho, however, took pity on him. "I can't go into detail, but regrettably, you'll have to prepare for the worst."

Mobius' heart leapt in his chest and with a tight throat, he asked, "How long?"

Dr; Cho put her hand on his shoulder and said, " At any moment. I'm sorry."

Mobius left the hospital in a daze and drove to the house on the cliff. As soon as he arrived, he fed Croki, sat down in his chair and continued the letter to Loki. At this time, it was his only source of comfort.

Loki's apartment - 2021

Loki, in casual attire with Croki by his side, was sitting on his couch reading the letter from Mobius. He was very moved by the way Mobius opened up to him.

His heart cried at the sadness he felt in the letter. Obviously Ravonna was someone dear to his heart.

Once again, Loki was frustrated by the barrier of years between them. He wanted so much to be with Mobius, to support him. He sighed as he continued to read the letter.

I don't know what I expected.

Part of me thought that given her condition, I would get more than a "She doesn't want to see you anymore."

But of course, that's not how things work. When I left TK, I rejected everything she stood for.

That's how she saw it.

I think the fact that I bought the house cemented our disagreement for her and it's too late to change things now.

One thing is for sure: if I was really hoping for a tearful little bedside meeting, I'm as stupid as she thinks I am.

Well, good. I seem to have poured my little heart out here. I'm sorry.

Thanks for reading.

I want to tell you things I've never told anyone.

Things I didn't know myself until I wrote them down to send to you.

Maybe that's the strangest part of it all.

Love, Mobius.

Loki lingered on this letter, and especially on the last word, "LOVE". He patted Croki's head, thoughtful.

He had so many questions.

Love, Mobius.

Was it casual? Mobius was the kind of person who knew exactly what he was saying. Every word was important.

So the next question was, did Loki feel the same way?

Loki didn't need to reflect, he knew what he felt.

The question that remained was, did they have a future...?

Mobius' house - 2019

Croki trotted over to Mobius' bed. Mobius was lying down, unable to sleep, but it was too early to get up. He felt like picking up the phone but resisted.

Loki's apartment - 2021

Loki couldn't sleep anymore, something was disturbing him since he had read Mobius' letter.

He got up and went to his computer, he had to check one thing about Ravonna Renslayer.

Two minutes later he rushed out of his apartment and drove to the house on the cliff.

Mobius House - 2019

Mobius après s’être préparé pour aller au travail, sortit de sa maison et se dirigea vers son pickup.

Mobius House - 2021

Loki braked hard and ran to the mailbox. He put a piece of paper in it and raised the flag with a sudden movement.

Mobius House - 2019

Mobius drove away from the house without seeing the flag that was rising behind him. A few minutes later, his phone on the passenger seat began to ring.

Glancing down, he saw that it was Dr. Cho.

He pulled over to the side of the road and with a lump in his throat, took the call.

"Yes?"

-Mr. Mobius, this is Dr. Cho. I'm afraid I have some difficult news for you.

A few minutes later, in a daze, he parked in front of his house. On his way to his house. He saw that the flag was up.

He opened it, took the note, read it and then let his arm fall back, the paper flew away before landing further.

You need to go back to the hospital right away! Ravonna Renslayer died on-

A few days later, Mobius sat in the back of the church while the pastor preached to a crowd that Mobius knew was there more for Ravonna's fame than for their connection to her.

He didn't listen to the sermon and, clutching Loki's last letter in his pocket, he thought about what he had written.

Mobius, I'm so sorry about Ravonna.

Even though every pain is different, I know what it's like to lose the little family we have left.

I knew I had to at least try to warn you. I thought I could do it in time.

I hoped we could change what happened. I was wrong.

I guess these things can't be changed.

What I do know is that the shock is still fresh for me, even though it happened two years ago, so I can't imagine what it's like for you.

These things just happen...sometimes. I know.

Last February, I remember it was Valentine's Day, but it was really hot for a day in February.

I was at the fountain in Valhalheim Square.

And something happened. I won't bore you with the details now, but it was hard. Not like what you're going through, but it bothered me a lot.

And a friend gave me some good advice.

She told me to go to a place that would bring me peace.

That's what I did. I drove to the house on the cliff.

And that was the day I got your first letter.

It's a place we both love, a place that has a huge meaning for both of us, I hope you can find some solace there.

And I hope that what has kept you and Ravonna apart will eventually seem less important, and perhaps, in time, disappear.

YOURS, Loki.

Loki's words echoing in his head, Mobius was anxious to get to the house, to seek and perhaps find the solace that Loki spoke of.

When he arrived, he saw the flag raised. He opened the box, and took out not a note, but a book.

When he turned it over, his heart stopped for a moment.

For all times - Always by R.RENSLAYER

He returned home and sitting down in his chair, he opened it and saw first a small note from Loki's hand.

The book won't be published for a year.

or two, so don't show it to anyone. But I thought you should see it.

He turned the first page and could not stop the tears from flowing.

To Mobius

This is the story of a dream.

The story of a brother and sister bound by an ideal

But like all true stories, it doesn't always end well.

They chose a different path.

They drifted apart and never found each other again.

But without the presence of one in the life of the other, neither of them would have become what they are.

A story of two lives, a story of two successes, a story of two paths.

Underneath was a photo, Ravonna and him in front of the house on the cliff.

He continued to flip through the book, his eyes blurry with tears, and felt as if he was going through pieces of his life.

Pictures of TK's creation, of Mobius' workshop, of their first offices.

The day of the first opening.

Then the various collections of watches over the years, from the first one designed by Mobius to the latest luxury watches. Created after his departure.

Pictures of the rise of TK.

Photos taken after Mobius' time.

Until the last photo.

It was the front of Miss Minutes, of his shop.

A single sentence underneath.

We have taken different paths, our views have drifted apart, but you will always be my brother. For All time. Always.

Mobius wept for a long time over Ravonna, over the lost years, over what could have been. Then when the tears had dried, he closed the book and placed it neatly on the shelf. His hand lingered on the title for a moment.

Then, looking determined, he took his old sketchbook, sat outside the house and began to draw.

Loki's apartment - 2021

Loki, looking bewildered, was contemplating a sketch of the house on the hill.

At the bottom of the house, written in charcoal, it read:

I WANT TO MEET YOU!

FOR REAL THIS TIME!

_______

As a reader, I hate cliffhangers... I apologize in advance for being so cruel, I hope you will forgive me 😭

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 (End)

#lokius fics #lokius #Developing Relationship #no powers au #Alternate Universe #Letters #penpal #loki series au #loki #mobius m. mobius