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matchajoon · 1 year

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tell me that you’re still mine (리노)

pairing: lee know x gn!reader. (i use minho throughout). genre: fluff, getting together, mutual pining, non-idol!au. warnings/commentary: 2.7k. brief potential allusions to nsfwness. unedited. minho is my bias so i’m a bit grabby hands about him. reader is described as dense. no use of y/n. none of the skzteractions imply shipping. a few curse words. clumsy pacing. author hasn’t kissed anyone in like two years (thoughts and prayers appreciated). summary: minho is in love with you. he’s pretty sure you don’t feel the same. my writing is never a real portrayal of any of the members of skz. directory

You were snoozing somewhat peacefully between Minho’s open legs. Your head resting against his thigh, legs curled beneath you, eyes fluttering open and closed as the music from the movie Felix had put on swelled and fell. Hyunjin was on your left side, he had quit pinching the back of Minho’s knees when you’d glared at him (the second time, not the first) and Jeongin had his head snuggled into your lap, your fingers drifting occasionally through his hair.

Minho was paying minimal attention to the movie - an action flick that had way too many shitty SFX and stupid action sequences - instead he was keeping half an eye on you, the way your head occasionally slipped forward off of his thigh as you succumbed briefly to sleep. He had jolted you with his legs a few times already and that had earned him a sleepy glare and at one point you’d sunk your teeth into his calf, not hard but enough that he’d taken away your napping privileges for all of thirty seconds. You looked absolutely destroyed and had begun making eyes at Changbin, your usual victim when Minho wasn’t letting you occupy all of his personal space and that had somewhat irked Minho, more than he was expecting it to.

The fighting sequence and its accompanying Hans Zimmer-esque backing track was making the small trio of cats on Minho’s coffee table shudder quietly and he glared at Felix wordlessly. Felix blinked at him owlishly for a moment before he lunged for the remote, knocking Hyunjin’s shoulder with more force than necessary as he did. Hyunjin squawked unhappily, giving Felix something as close to a grumpy stare as Hyunjin could manage whilst staring the most angelic member of their friend group down. Felix mumbled apologies, looping his arms briefly around Hyunjin’s neck and finally the volume lowered, as Hyunjin begrudgingly let Felix all but clamber into his lap. You were blinking sleepily at the two of them, clearly disturbed by their chaos and Hyunjin sagged into you, his back warm against Minho’s shin as you rearranged your arms to allow the two boys to occupy what space was left on your legs without disturbing Jeongin. The youngest’s eyes were closed, your fingers resting gently in his hair and his breathing had long since evened, despite the movie splashing light across the room intermittently.

This happened nearly every movie night, more so as of late and Minho adjusted minutely as you sunk back to arrange yourself back against Minho’s thigh, your eyes sneaking up to find his for a moment, a sleepy, secret smile touching your lips. He reached down to pat the top of your head, privately relishing in the way you leaned into his touch.

Minho could almost pinpoint when his deep, platonic love and admiration for you had become something that had bloomed into whatever this was now, this all encompassing explosion of warmth that centred entirely around you and everything you did. It had initially crept up on him, you had taken a while to come out of your shell within the friendship group, as the most recent addition and Minho had originally been a little unsure around you. He was highly tactile, as the majority of them were and you were vastly unused to being surrounded by individuals who wanted to be touching you ninety-eight percent of the day. You’d looked over at him one day, your faces close as the two of you shared a beanbag at Felix’s apartment and you’d smiled this soft little smile before you’d burrowed your way into his chest, and beyond. Minho’s heart had been yours since then, the remnants of your warmth only growing steadily into the love he held for you now, a fire that he had no hope of ever extinguishing on his own.

He couldn’t admit it aloud, for all the heat that burned within him. You were deeply entrenched in the group, your friendships with all of them varying but you held equal amounts of love for them all and Minho didn’t even want to consider you loving any of them more than the others, only maybe if it was him you loved most. He ignored the sudden jealousy that dug its claws into his throat, white hot and sharp and his mouth twisted downwards.

“Are they sleeping here tonight?” Chris interrupted Minho’s thoughts with a loud whisper, the oldest eyeing the two of you thoughtfully. Minho glanced between you and his hyung before shrugging unhelpfully. He was not actually sure, you’d arrived in tow with Seungmin and Jeongin on the back of what you’d called a shopping extravaganza, which really meant Jeongin had at least two new pairs of shoes and you had convinced Seungmin to buy matching sweaters (again.) You hadn’t made any mention of how you were getting home, not that you needed to as they were all more than happy to drop you off. But maybe tonight, he could be selfish.

“They can stay here if they want, hmm?” He reached to poke your cheek, effectively disturbing you as your lashes fluttered. Your eyes flicked between him and Chris confusedly, before your grip around his calf tightened, your fingers squeezing once, twice.

“Is that a ‘yes you will stay with Min’ or a ‘no you want to go home to your scrumptious bed?’ Come on and use your words sweetheart.” Minho teased, his voice warm as you screwed your face up, blush chasing its way up to your ears and he dug his fingers into your scalp gently. Your expression softened briefly, you were clearly attempting to consider the offer through the haze of sleep and warm and boy smell and Minho decided it was time to be selfish again and choose for you.

“You can sleep in my bed with me sweetheart, I won’t let the bedbugs bite- unlike some people here.” Chris’ ears pinked and you shook against him as you giggled. The eldest grimaced, knowing that there was no winning this and instead, Chris decided upon fixing Minho with a gaze that he didn’t exactly want to read too much into. Minho knew Chris knew. Chris knew he knew that he knew. Changbin, who was making unsubtle eye contact from across the room, knew. Seungmin, who had given Minho the matching sweater the moment he’d walked through the door, knew. You were probably the only one who didn’t know, if Minho was being entirely honest. You were stubborn, oblivious and annoyingly leech-like, no matter what he did or where he went, he would never be free of your presence. Not that any of that was a bad thing. It was just- how would he ever exist without a part of you? That scared him, more than he’d admit, and admitting the feelings the rest of the group knew about meant the possibility of losing you. He didn’t think he would, you loved him far too much for that, but even the idea made his stomach tighten with anxiety.

“Who is riding with me?” Chris asked, raising his voice slightly to be heard over the end credits, Jeongin raising sleepy eyes from your lap and then a hand, Han and Changbin doing the same. Hyunjin hefted Felix from his own lap, giving the younger a gentle shake awake. Seungmin groaned loudly, Changbin’s smirk indicating the likelihood of foul play and you sighed quietly, your lap all but evacuated. Jeongin dropped a fond kiss on the top of your head and you mumbled something about your most polite child. This of course, prompted Hyunjin to wheel around, nearly dropping Felix as he did and leaning down to kiss your cheek wetly. You screwed your face up again but reached to hug both of them, pressing your own kiss against Felix’s temple.

“Favouritism!” Changbin wailed and you groaned dramatically, turning to bury your face in Minho’s calf. He wriggled deliberately, not allowing you to hide and you let out another sigh, louder this time and then rose, still standing between his legs as you did so. You looked down at him, eyes soft and your mouth in a displeased pout. Minho wanted to kiss you. You looked entirely too kissable, even with the dregs of your nap still clinging to your face. He must have given too much away in his face, as Chris cleared his throat a little too aggressively and your eyes flicked away, warmth burning up your cheeks. Minho noted that, his gaze not budging from you as Chris leaned to hug you, his fingers briefly coming to rest on Minho’s shoulder and he gave a single squeeze.

There was an odd atmosphere in the room as the rest of the group trailed out, Minho closing the door behind Jeongin and Seungmin, who blew teasing kisses and giggled down the stairs. You had vanished into the depths of his apartment (you were one hundred percent already in his room) and he shut the TV off, humming quietly to himself as he turned down the remaining lights. The sweater Seungmin had ‘donated’ sat folded on the arm of the couch and he thumbed it thoughtfully, trying to ignore the swell of anxiety in his stomach. You were definitely in his room. That didn’t usually make him anxious but the knowledge of you in his bed made his head want to spin.

Minho stepped into his room, shedding his slippers and tossing his socks into the hamper, his eyes adjusting to the relative darkness of his room. Your pair of slippers was neat at the end of the bed, he could make out your phone on his bedside table and you had taken off the hoodie you had been wearing that evening. A bare shoulder peeked out from the duvet and Minho swallowed, feeling like a man in one of those dumb historical dramas you watched with Felix sometimes. He slipped out of his own hoodie, leaving himself in a t-shirt and then his sweat pants were launched towards the hamper as well.

He wandered into the ensuite to wash up, noting the travel toothbrush in your favourite colour resting in his toothbrush cup and leaned to rinse his mouth with water, trying not to dwell on the feelings of domesticity that came with your toothbrush being beside his. Minho wiped toner over his skin, digging briefly in the drawer for his night cream and stilled when he noticed one of yours (you had specific skin and he knew very well your favourite products) in the drawer, as though it had always been there.

So it had begun.

Minho stepped back into his room and leaned over to pull the duvet up, you had all but starfished across the bed and- you didn’t have pants on either. He inhaled, a little too loudly because you turned to look up at him, your eyes lidded. They trailed down him, stopping briefly at his boxers and you hummed quietly, and began making grabby hands at him. This was going to be painful, he realised as he slipped in beside you, relishing the warmth you provided as you snuggled into his side, already sliding a leg over his hip. He pinched your thigh, smiling softly when you squeaked in protest. You moved to rearrange your leg so it was no longer propped on him, and Minho wrapped a hand around your thigh, keeping it where it was. You wriggled a little, adjusting against his side to get entirely comfortable and a pleased hum left your lips as you found the optimal arrangement of your limbs against his own.

“Friends don’t usually cuddle like this, y'know Min. Even really, really good touchy ones like us.” Your lips were close to his ear, a breathless whisper that had the hairs on the back of his neck standing up. Minho’s shoulders tightened, the anxiety in his stomach sour with nausea and panic began creeping up his spine. Where had this come from, he wondered. He’d been so aware of his own feelings, maybe he hadn’t hidden them as well as he thought he had. You were certainly cruel, waiting until the others left and you had him all to yourself to do this, but maybe there was a certain self-preservation to it, so you could spare his feelings and not risk your own.

“But that’s okay,” You continued, almost thoughtfully, as if you weren’t toying with every single one of his feelings, “I don’t want us to be just friends and I don’t think you do either, hmm?” His brain stopped for a moment, completely blanking like he’d sipped cold water after eating a mint. Minho jerked to look at you a moment later, his eyes wide, all sense of sleep vanishing from his expression. You were looking up at him, eyes soft and warm and there was something in them that he was beginning to be able to place.

“Promise me you’re not trying to trick me.” He whispered, his voice as breathless as yours had been a moment ago.

“Not about this. Never.” You whispered, your eyes gleaming and a tension Minho only noticed when it began to leave you made his chest lighten. The nausea tampered down, but the anxiety remained, especially when you moved up the bed, propping yourself on an arm to lean over him, your eyes on his lips. His eyes lingered on your mouth as well, although he adjusted his gaze to meet your eyes momentarily. The softness hadn’t fled your expression, if anything it had bloomed and when you finally ducked your mouth to kiss him.

You did in fact have entirely too kissable lips, Minho found, as he chased your mouth with his own, the taste of your lip balm mixing with his toothpaste as his lips parted, a quiet sigh leaving his mouth. Your mouth quirked beneath his lips and you sat back, drawing an unhappy whine for Minho as he attempted to follow you up with his lips, your fingers coming to cup his jaw as you stopped him. Your thumb brushed over a cheekbone, palm warm against his cheek and your eyes were finding his, a blur of lust and something more than just platonic love.

“Min- if we start this now, I won’t be able to resist and I think- I think it’d be too fast.” Minho was suddenly, terribly alert to just what exactly you were inferring. The hardness within his boxers, the hunger seeping into his bones and the want that was preparing to cloud his thoughts. He could see you were also hazy with that same want, the way you were propped over him, the itch in your fingers to slide within his skin and he couldn’t resist leaning up to kiss you again. The smile that bled into his own was soft and sweet, as you slid your leg over his other hip to straddle him carefully, his hands finding their own way to your hips and you sat back, hovering over his lower stomach with a briefly wistful expression.

“I love you.” You said, very softly but very clearly. The thrill that surged through Minho at those words chased what remained on the anxiety in his stomach away, his fingers tightening in their grasp around your hips and you smiled at him in a way you never had quite before.

“I love you- but you knew that, didn’t you?” You shrugged, a smug smile creeping across your lips, lips that Minho wanted back against his own as soon as humanly possible.

“I might have guessed. It wasn’t till tonight that I knew though. Chris really needs to learn to hide his expressions-” Minho blinked, his eyes narrowing.

“Wait- You realised because of that look he gave me earlier? Not because of the way I literally let you get away with murder around me? Not how I look at you? Not because I’m infinitely softer and kinder and more patient with your dumbass?” You laughed, dropping your body weight onto his chest with a soft oof.

“Shut up. You knew I was dense what you signed up for this. I didn’t really believe it to begin with- I didn't know why of all people, you’d want me the way I wanted you.” He pinched your hip and you thumped a leg down against him in retaliation.

“Hey- I’m being emotionally vulnerable and you’re harassing me!” Minho grinned, leaning up to kiss you again, briefly this time as you looked right about to bite him. Not that he would mind, not really.

“You’re so fucking stupid- and hey! Hey! I still love you! Stop tickling me!”

#lee know x reader #lee minho x reader #skz x reader #skz fluff #stray kids fluff #stray kids x reader #lee know fluff #lee minho fluff

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lilyginnyblackv2 · 1 year

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Buddy Daddies - Episode 9 - Preview is Up! - SPOILERS & SPECULATION!

It’s time for Sports Day!

So, according to the summary, neither Kazuki nor Rei have ever participated in a children’s sports day, which makes sense. Rei had an unconventional childhood and Kazuki grew up without much money and without parents, so it’s unlikely that he went to daycare or preschool.

(Thinking about, this would also explain why neither Kazuki nor Rei thought of daycare or preschool right away and only got the idea after seeing a daycare bus go by the park.)

This means that this children’s sports day will be all of their firsts! Mine too, kinda. I’ve experienced elementary school and junior high school sports days, but never a daycare/preschool sports day. I found a blog post written by a mother who went to one (I’ll link it below in the comments) and a lot of the events involve the parents in the activity.

At the elementary and junior high school level, parents usually aren’t all that involved, But at the daycare level, it seems they are! Especially for the little babies (which makes sense, because they are babies, they can’t do too much on their own).

Putting the rest under a Read More because of spoilers!

Let’s look at some of the events we can see in the preview:

Tamaire - Bean Bag Toss

It looks like Miri is holding a white colored bean bag in her hand, so this is probably going to be some a bean bag toss game.

Here is a description of the event:

Tamaire (玉入れ) translates “Beanbag toss”, and as the name implies, it is an exciting game where students throw small beanbags into a basket hung at the top of a tall pole. Beanbags are scatted on the ground around the pole, and each bag has the color of its team, typically red or white. Teams compete against each other based on the number of beanbags in the basket. There is a time limit, and the beanbags thrown into the basket after the time ends are not worth any points.

(I’ll link to the post where I got that description below in the comments).

Tug - of - War

Tug-of-War is a staple and is basically at every sports day and it looks like Miss Anna is tugging at a rope here. How it will go down here...I’m not too sure. Usually you’ll see combos like the kids going against each other, or students against teachers (junior high school), or even like teachers against parents (one of the rare events where you might see parents participate in Sports Days aimed at older years). Maybe here it will be the Aozora Staff vs The Parents? Or maybe the older kids and Miss Anna vs The Parents, lol.

I don’t know! It should be pretty interesting though! Of course, I could be wrong here too, but tug-of-war would make sense.

Kumitaiso (組体操) - Maybe? Or Stretching?

I’m not 100% sure on this one. What is kumitaiso?

Kumitaiso (組体操) is rather a group performance than individual competition. Students work together as a team and create a variety of gymnastic formations with their bodies.

Usually they make a pyramid, but this generally tends to be for older kids, and parents have noted in more recent years that it can be very dangerous, so many schools are getting rid of it. But maybe this is a more tame/safer and more simplistic version of something like that. But they could just be doing some kind of stretching activity here. If anyone knows for sure, feel free to let me know and I’ll add the info in!

Race

And, of course, we have the race. According to the summary, Miri practices with Kazuki in the park and she does end up in the lead, but then she falls right before the finish line! T0T Oh no, Miri! A lesson in things being out of our control sometimes? About losing and taking it okay? Both? Something else entirely? I’m intrigued to see which it will be!

Let’s see, outside of that we have...

Rei scouting out the daycare, lmao! XD

It’s cute though! Rei is getting into the event in his own way.

It seems both him and Kazuki are getting really invested in it, so this may end up being a lesson for them too (like parents centering themselves in their children’s sports activities and making it more about them than their child - you know, the parent that gets super worked up over their kid losing something, maybe kinda like Kazuki looks here:

But the kid will be totally fine. I can see them going with that angle. Since Buddy Daddies generally tends to be less about Miri learning some kind of lesson and more so about Kazuki and Rei learning something about parenting and themselves through raising Miri.

Changing up the focus a bit, one thing I’m really looking forward to is seeing Kazuki and Rei possibly interacting with the other daycare parents more (not just the Daycare Mamas!).

You can spot a Daycare Papa! in the background there too. It’s also just really common to see like the whole family come out for Sports Day events, so like moms, dads, older and younger siblings, even grandparents.

The idea of Kazuki and Rei being able to take part in something so...innocent and group building is such a heartwarming idea. Though, I am also fully preparing myself for an after-credits scene that will go back to the drama at hand and Kyutaro’s decision, etc. and that’s probably going to hurt even more after this episode (likely as the writers intended, lol).

Oh! Also, I love that we are seeing that follow through that I was hoping for from Episode 7! It seems Rei is going to be willingly choosing to make riceballs for Miri (enough that she could share them with her friends and others there too!). This lunch is going to be one that Kazuki and Rei make for their family together. T~T My heart!

Also, Rei learning how to make something like a riceball is such a good place to actually start (instead of French toast, which requires more basic skills and knowledge). It’s an easy (and quick) meal to learn how to make well. If they end up tasting really good too, then that can act as a very quick and easy boost to his confidence with making and preparing food. It’s such a good step in the right direction! I hope the kids and parents like his riceballs!

Anyway, I’m going to fully appreciate this breather episode before we jump into the angst, action (probably), and drama of the final act of the series (Ep. 10 - 13).

#Buddy Daddies #Kazuki Kurusu #Rei Suwa #KazuRei #Miri Unasaka #BD #BD spoilers #Buddy Daddies spoilers #speculation #long post #image heavy post #Sports Day

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crumpet-doodles · 6 months

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Hey! Umm, can y'all give me your headcanons for Solar from the Sun and Moon show? I'd just like to see them, no matter how weird you think they might be! Here are a few of mine:

☆ Solar might have claustrophobia

I honestly do think that he might have some sort of claustrophobia. I'm basing this off of two things that happened in the lore vids:

In "Eclipse MOVES IN in VRCHAT," when Moon says that he could convert one of the party rooms into a temporary living space for Solar, Solar says "I'm more uh... I don't really like rooms." I know this was probably a bit overlooked, but on my second re-watch I noticed it, and an idea started forming in my brain-

Another example is in "Eclipse has a NEW IDENTITY!? in VRCHAT," where as he and Moon walk through this long, horrendously yellowish-orange hallway, Solar says "I hate this room. This hallway." This could be taken as to how empty the hallway is (As Moon comments) or to how it reminds him of a Half Life 2 map. (I think that's what he said-) Again, this could be easily ignored, but it just adds to my little theory~

One more thing is just something I speculate- he might have claustrophobia from some kind of trauma from his old dimension, specifically from the Moon that he lived with. I think that his Moon was highly abusive to him, and I can imagine him being put into a similar situation as Sun, where his Moon trapped him in a magical barrier, and left him there alone for an unspecified period of time. I can also imagine Solar just generally being trapped in a room/isolated, because Moon didn't know what else to do when Solar first... appeared? I guess? In his Sun.

Also, he'd probably try to hide it because he thinks it's stupid.

☆ Solar is an insomniac

I honestly think that he just has a hard time sleeping, his brain is just running around everywhere 24/7- (Damn he's pretty relatable)

He will literally run himself into the ground before taking a break/resting. In "Eclipse has a NEW IDENTITY!? in VRCHAT," Moon calls him an "insane motherfucker" when he admits that he fixed the Daycare, Theater, Gift Shop, and more, in a week. A WEEK. Then after a tour and some talk, he passes out from running out of battery, due to being on 1% charge. He's overworking himself. He needs sleep.

HE SOUNDS ABSOLUTELY EXHAUSTED IN "Lunar and Earth's GROUP THERAPY in VRCHAT," LIKE BRO- He said he was working on 2 separate things, both for 5 hours straight- He really needs to sleep- get him a beanbag or something-

Also, this could be another trauma-related thing, where he just doesn't feel safe sleeping, or he has nightmares. However, this is probably just me overthinking and reading too much into this situation.

When he DOES fall asleep, it's usually in the most arbitrary places ever. At the desk in the daycare, in one of the play structures, etc. I... have a feeling that he's probably fallen asleep on that green little mat/platform thing in the ball pit before. Or just literally in the ball pit itself.

☆ Solar's just generally insecure about his looks

Looking like the OG Eclipse model, he probably has some issues with what he looks like, and is most likely frustrated about how people keep mistaking him for Eclipse.

Also, coming back to the whole "his dimension's Moon giving him trauma" thing. His Moon probably called him a lot of things, all of them horrible. Solar keeps mentioning how aggressive and angry his Moon was, so again, it would fit the profile.

In "Lunar and Earth's GROUP THERAPY in VRCHAT," When Solar talks about him working, Earth says "That might have something to do with you not feeling like you fit in." Please, he needs comfort and more therapy-

☆Solar is touch starved

Do I even have to explain?

Also, I feel like even though he IS touch starved, he doesn't... realize it, exactly. He has really closed off body language (For some reason I can imagine that his idle pose/stance is having his arms crossed) and is just generally unsure about how he should properly show physical affection.

Do you know what I mean? Like, you think you just don't like physical touch, but it just turns out you were full of anxiety on how to properly show it that when somebody DOES end up giving you a hug or something similar that the realization just... hits you? Really hard? (Dear Stars this is over-specific am I ok???) Solar might also be comfortable with one person/small group of people actually touching him. Or if people ask. (Ok I need to shut up, now I'm just projecting my personal experiences into my headcanons for him-)

This could also be attributed to the insecure thing but eh.

Quick thing I'd also like to say, his model, (or "suit," as they call it in the show) is slightly different from the other's, because as his dimension's Moon stated, it was an older model that never got used. I think it's just lankier, skinnier, and maybe has a tail, as these features were being experimented with for the newer daycare attendants, the ones who actually got used (Solar's dimension's Sun and Moon.)

(Note: I might edit this post as things change/lore vids drop!)

(Damn, this turned into a whole-ass essay-) So yeah! If you've made it this far, thank you, and if you have any headcanons of your own that you're willing to share, please do! I'd be delighted to see them!

#tsams #tsams Solar #headcanon #Y'all please this took me too long-#nice eclipse #tsams nice eclipse #give me your headcanons #I shall gladly devour them #In the most normal way possible #the sun and moon show #The sun and moons show Solar #tsams good eclipse

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imnameimswrld · 3 months

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003 ━━ 𝐁𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐬 & 𝐀 𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐩 ,,

"You are beating me !" Charles yells in disbelief, hands shooting up to right the slipping tiara from his hair. "How are you beating me, child ?"

Mattie's only answer is a maniacal laugh, eyes trained on the screen in pristine concentration, hands gripping the simulator steering wheel like he's been a driver for his whole ten years of living.

"Maybe because you're too busy fixing your crown, princess." I chuckle from my seat on the beanbag behind them, sipping my orange juice.

"It keeps slipping !"

"Yeah and at least the child was smart enough to use the pins it came with." I counter, watching as the race comes to an end, Mattie's screen flashing the number one, Charles frowning in second.

"Bananas...wait," he twists in my leather chair, leaning away to meet my gaze. "It came with pins ?"

"Sure did."

Just to confirm his confusion, Mattie gets up to skip around in victory, his tiara perfectly stable on his head the whole time. Even falling into Carlos's lap and getting attacked with birthday tickles from the Spaniard wasn't enough to even tilt the bejeweled thing.

"But I didn't find any with mine."

Charles looks like a kicked down puppy as he stands, removing the tiara from his head to inspect it. I want to laugh, but it feels wrong because he genuinely looks so sad.

"Oh, these pins ?"

At the voice everyone's head turns in unison, finding Lando entering the living room from the balcony, his fingers holding up a little plastic packet with, well, the tiara pins. First annoyance flashes across Charles' face, his eyes narrowed at the shorter man, a cheshire grin on his lips.

Then, then he just looks sad all over again.

Sighing, I set my solo cup down on the coffee table before standing.

"Lando, it's Charles' birthday, and you're being mean," I scold in a voice I only ever use with Mattie – but barely. I hate feeling like his parent. "So please give it back."

Like a child however, as if he didn't just turn twenty-six, Charles crosses his arms with a petulant frown on his face. I wish I could say all this was strange behavior, Lando being a little menace, Charles sulking like a toddler – but alas, it's just another day in my life.

"Lando."

"Come and get them, birthday boy."

"Can I help ? I'm a birthday boy too !" Mattie sits up with speed in Carlos' hold, eyes beginning to twinkle at yet another challenge.

Damn, this kid grows to be more and more like myself everyday. It is incredibly frightening.

"No, no, you stay put," Lando's grin falters when his gaze switches to the little human. "You're a child, and one of which I am very afraid of."

Carlos snorts in his seat, hands ruffling through Mattie's forest of curls.

"Lando, two steps from me and I'll have you in my hold before you can even turn to run." I smirk, arms crossing over my chest.

Lando rolls his eyes, shooting me a narrow gazed look. "Yeah, which is why I'm challenging Charles, not you. Can we just drop the two-for-one for like, five minutes please ? Like you two-"

It seems Charles has grown tired of Lando's rambling, because in a flash he's tossed the plastic accessory the chair before racing towards Lando. The Brit stutters for a moment, but finds his feet in time, and is able to just escape Char's grab. The two break into a game of chase around the house, hurdling over furniture like my house is an action move set.

"Parkour !" Lando blurts out when he successfully jumps over my coffee table for the third time.

As amusing as this whole show is, it was getting late, and the last thing I need is Mattie getting all hyped up like he is right now as he watches Lando yet again slip from Char's reaching fingers.

I'm just about to call their attention, when a knock sounds through the room. My gaze cuts to the front door, eyeing it in confusion. It could just be Celina coming to pick Mattie up since the guys and I are heading to the club for Char's birthday. Yet, as I approach, dodging the two men that are still playing cops 'n robbers in my living room, there's an unsettling feeling stirring in my gut.

Please, let it be Celina and not...

" Hey, amore mio. "

A thick frost grows over my insides, hand curling tightly over the doorknob. I imagine the door could even be shaking slightly under the severe anger that courses through my body as I stare into a pair of familiar grey eyes.

Before anyone else could notice his presence, because Dio forbid Carlos catches sight of him, I push him away so there's space for me to step out and shut the door behind me.

"Micah," I say in a low voice. "What the fuck are you doing ?"

He has the nerve to plaster a sweet smile on his lips, choosing to ignore the evident pissed off look in my eyes.

"Mi sei mancato, amore mio," he makes to step closer, but on beat, I take one back. "I just had a difficult couple weeks, but I'm back now."

He missed me ? Is he being for real right now ?

"If you missed me, stronzo, then why haven't you been answering when I text or call, mhm ?"

Micah looks up into my eyes with a flurry of emotions swirling around his. Too much to count. Too many I'd rather not name – but there's one that outshines all the others. Cowardice.

His mouth opens to undoubtedly lie, so I'm quick to make him rethink his next words.

"Humour me, Mic. Spin your best lie," I seethe, jaw clenched painfully hard. "I dare you."

That cowardice, in the blink of an eye, turns to a look of irritation. He clicks his tongue, lips snarling as he regards me with darkening eyes.

"You know what ? I'm sick of you hounding me about my whereabouts. I'm struggling, okay ? Which is something you know shit about-"

With the increase in volume of Micah's voice, I'm quick to grab him by the collar, my words coming out in an almost unrecognizable growl.

"Quiet. I don't need anyone knowing you're here right now."

A flash of hurt crosses his face as he pushes away, nostrils flaring as his gaze cuts from mine to stare down the empty hallway. There's an uncomfortable silence that sits in the air around us, my skin prickled with little thorns that are begging for me to just turn and leave this situation that I truly do not want to be in. Today has been such a good day – until now.

"You have no right to say I don't know what it is to struggle, and you know it."

Keeping my voice low, I fight back the tears that threaten to line my eyes. Micah and I were friends before lovers, and so he knows exactly how much hell I went through in the last few years; and yes, his life hasn't been easy either, but I was there for him when he needed me.

When I need him though... he'd always disappear.

"I've been there for you, Micah. When nonna passed, who was there for you ?" I speak quietly, struggling to keep my voice even.

"Stop."

"Me, I was there," I continue, ignoring his weak request. "And when you fell into a pit of depression because of it, I was the one who carried you home from bars, wasted and crying."

Micah has tears slowly running down his tan cheeks, hands balled up into whitening fists. "That's n-not fair, Nio."

I release a breath, face falling in disbelief at his words. I bring a shaky hand up to my chest, pressing my warm palm to my heart, wishing I could soothe the ache there. I may not have gotten far enough to love Micah, but I sure as hell care immensely for him.

"Not fair ? You can't be serious right now, Micah," I shake my head slowly, a tear slipping down at the motion. "Because when I sat, alone, with my mother who was in a coma for four months, were you there ?"

Micah says nothing as he eyes stare into mine. He has nothing to defend himself with here, and he knows it.

"You weren't even there for the good moments, Micah. That was the least you could do." I inhale sharply, willing the rest of the tears to not fall. He doesn't deserve it. He wasn't there for most of them in the past, so he doesn't get to have them now. He doesn't get to have them ever.

"I came to some of your races."

"Yeah," I scoff out. "And everytime you were joking around with every possible person on the grid, except for your boyfriend who only ever wanted your sincere support."

I can tell he's fighting back a sob with how hard he presses his lips together, his now charcoal grey eyes clouded with regret. It's too late for that however, he can try to apologize, but I'll just tell him to take it with him on his way out from my life.

"I think it's best you leave, Micah." I say, blinking the rest of my tears away as I break our gaze, fighting off the little voice in my head that's telling me to at least grace him with a hug goodbye.

"Leave ?" his voice is broken and soft, but not pleading. "Per sempre ?"

We both knew this was coming. He knows he's reached the expiry date for his chances, and there's no restocking them.

"Si, per sempre, Micah."

He takes a few steps back, and with each one I can feel myself able to breath a little easier. I can feel the weight lighten. The air become less tense – but my heart only aches more. I hate that he's able to hurt me so deeply.

"Antonio-"

The door opening from beside me has both our gazes breaking away to eye the body in the doorway now. My eyes meet my favourite blues, but there's a darkness in them, one I've rarely ever seen.

"Micah ?" Charles' voice drops to an octave I've never heard before. He begins stepping closer, but I'm quick to stop him with my hand wrapping gently around his wrist.

I now Charles would never do anything I didn't want him to, so he doesn't fight for release when I pull him back. His back bumps into my chest, and I find myself unconsciously inhaling his musky cologne, the familiar aroma placing an almost tranquil feeling over me.

"I assume you are leaving, yes ?" although phrased as a question, everything in his tone was implying it is anything but.

Charles isn't a scary guy. He's the most golden retriever human there is – but when he's pissed, it is insanely unsettling.

Micah's stares at Charles for a second longer, before bouncing back to me. At the switch I can feel Charles tense in front of me, and I imagine if I were shorter, he'd try and hide me. The thought is almost enough to bring a small smile to my lips.

There's nothing left to say, and since Micah lives in Italy, I trust I won't ever be seeing his face again. It's not like he's an F1 fan anyway.

"Arrivederci, Antonio."

With a short nod to me, Micah turns, and thank Dio for the elevator opening in that very moment. He waits for the people to exit before he's entering without a glance back, and the second the doors shut, I feel this sense of freedom raining down on me.

I breath out a heavy sigh, suddenly feeling annoyed at myself for getting so emotional. I start wiping the already drying tears from my cheeks.

"Hey," Charles has twisted around to stare up at me, his eyes back to that crystal blue I adore so much. "We don't have to go out tonight."

I laugh softly, not missing his tiara back on his head. It looks stable too, so he either got ahold of Lando, or Mattie took matters into his own hands.

"Seriously ? You'd give up a sick club party for ice-cream on the couch and White Chicks ?"

Charles snorts out, bringing up a hand to push some of my hair from my forehead. "Please, I love ice-cream on the couch and White Chicks, and you know it."

I chuckle, my head nodding in agreement. I do know that, because it's our thing I guess. Ice-cream on the couch and classic comedies. Charles smiles up at me, and soon I'm mirroring it when he pulls me down into a tight embrace, his hands wrapping around my waist. I feel his thumbs rub soothing patterns on my back, and I can slowly feel the pain in my chest lift. Being around him always makes things easier.

"Nah, let's go out."

He pulls away only slightly, just enough to meet my clear gaze. "You sure ?"

"Positive." I say truthfully, smiling as I steal a peck to his forehead that has him stumbling away with a feigned look of disgust. "Happy birthday, Char."

Charles looks slightly flustered from my tactic of affection from earlier, and it only makes me chuckle in amusement.

" Release me child !"

My head snaps towards the half shut door at the sudden cry, before I'm slowly raising a brow in Char's direction.

He smiles sheepishly. "Uh, last thing I heard before leaving was Teo offering to show Lando the new moves he learnt in jujitsu."

My eyes widen just as another cry for help reaches my ears, followed by a deep laugh laced with amusement. In a flash both Char and I are racing to little Lando's rescue.

#f1 imagine #f1 #f1 fanfic #jacob elordi #charles leclerc #carlos sainz #lando norris #own character #original character

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sadevergreen · 9 months

Note

as a camp counselor (technically not currently bc i went home for Illness) and homestuck fan (also technically not currently bc I'm too busy being a camp counselor) i love camp skaia. which homestuck characters are most likely to be the "we're ALL sick there's no reason you can't do the hike up the hill" (has mild cold and vague heatsickness at worst) counselor x "actual lung infection but thinks it's a really normal cold" (very easily gaslit) counselor program group pair? i feel like eridan and kanaya are hot contenders here

ooo ok this is so good- apologies for the ever loving hell that you are about to see but i sought assistance from my dear dear pale friend @marv3l-drag0ns !!!!!!!! MUAH PLATONICALLLY <> ILY they were a huge help in putting this together

BOY DO I HAVE A LOT TO SAY ON THIS, THIS WAS EXTREMELY FUN :D

so let’s begin: my immediate instinct was kanaya and tavros are the most easily gaslit, or adhere most to given direction (we’re not going to talk about HIM). but then who to pair them with? they are both wet cats that won’t work. we decided that YES kanaya and eridan definitely make sense! but in which role? it may seem obvious but NO! eridan too sick? whiny fussy pitiful sopping kitty he’s just a beanbag full of milk! so we decided barely sick eridan, otherwise he’d be throwing a fit. instead he’s referring to his Superior Genes! and kanaya is. strugglin. but fuck man here we are 🤷‍♂️

But we’re not done yet!

the next we considered was karkat and terezi!! especially aided through the lens of karkat’s old crush on terezi; he’s too whipped and in denial to deny a girl a hand!

this led to possibly the funniest thing ever: THE INNER KANKRI THAT EVERYONE HAS AND HE SITS ON YOUR SHOULDER AND REMINDS YOU TO BE DECENT AND LEAVE ROOM FOR KANKRI

for the bigger drawings i capped it off with a good ol favorite of mine; erifef. why did i like them? man idek anymore but it worked really well with the idea of eridan being the sicker one, but being ok such thin ice over his constant whining that he just has to go along with it we just though it was funny hehe. it can be viewed through any lens! snippy or non, s’all good here! it’s all canon.

what is he was sick and he couldn’t whine 🥺 what is he was sick and he wasn’t allowed even a snivle about it 🥺 not a snort 🥺 or a sob 🥺 he’s so pathetic !!!! besides, he can’t be out paced by some fuckin kids!!!! HES A GROWN ADULT 16-18 Y/O CAMP COUNSELOR GODDAMNIT!!

MARVEL: “Feferi: ah yes your sickness you have a functioning immune system and are the most dramatic guy on planet earth (only one of those statements is true)” which statement? :) yeah

she doesn’t believe him anymore <333

Ok and that is it for full line art doodles, but!!! i couldn’t resist drawing some more pairs we pondered

ERIDAN AND KARKAT: omfg so good!! but they would 100% either both be tooooo sick and dead, or they would both be mostly fine

VRISKA AND TAVROS: no. and you know why we’re not doing this one :,( we all instantly knew this one would be here but we are choosing to ignore it im favor of…

TAVROS AND KARKAT: Marvel proposed it and it was very interesting!! i think similar to eridan and karkat, where they’re both dead or both barely sick. no i’m between. aggressive yet positive motivation (?) for the win!!! they further proposed that karkat “eats dirt for a living and doesn’t get sick very often”

Overall this was really fun to put together and answer, and i had a blast getting to colab with a mutual along the way :3 so thank you anon and thank you marvel!! this does bring me to something i’ve been meaning to say,,.,,,

@marv3l-drag0ns ,,? we’ve been friends forever, you know my dogs middle name, we complete each other in a way no one else can! you stop me from eating bones i find on the road, and i stop you from ascending to godtier to avoid going to exams…,…

would you be my

Moirail? <>

anyways! that’s all for now <3 this was so fun :) please send in more asks/ requests like this if you ever think of any more! i definitely feel for the camp counselor piece cause that was me earlier this summer PFF and all the counselors got sick and passed something around (but hey! it was an excuse to sit away from 7 y/olds for a few minutes while i got tea for my sore throat)

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mycrushisnotalibero · 2 years

Text

broken promises

Donatello x reader

Summary:

Donatello wants you all to himself so you agree to date him, even though you yourself are not in love with him, yet. You make rules to make the realtionship work and you slowly develope feelings as well.

WARNINGS! PLEASE READ:

At the beginning Donnie doesn't really get what consent is, so he wants to sleep with you (not a rape-scene, obviously!!) bc thats just what couples do, so you have to explain it to him.

At the end a stranger touches your butt (sexual harrassment)

Reader has a panic attack at the end (bc of the sexual harrassment)

PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOU'RE SENSITIVE ABOUT THOSE TOPICS

english is not my fist language so excuse any mistakes

Heres the AO3 Link:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/42065283

-------

It was Saturday. The perfect day for a hangout at the lair, you sat wedged between Leo and Raph, laughing at something Mickey had said. The atmosphere was chill and pleasant. April and you brought Pizza with you and the boys had set up a corner with blankets and beanbags for you all to lounge, relax and just talk the night away. With all the commotion, none of you noticed Donnie not saying a word throughout the evening. He just sat on the floor, taking it all in.

“Here look.” Raph said, unbinding his mask and tied it around your head. “Ha! See? It looks great on you!”

“Woah, looking like that maybe you should go on the next mission with us.” Leo said, wrapping his arm around you giggling. You laughed with him.

The Evening went on. April put on some music and pulled you up to dance with her. Mickey joined and grabbed your hand, twirling you around. You laughed and after the third rotation you became dizzy, stopping Mickey from turning again by hugging him.

“Slow down, Mickey.” You cackled, hugging him tighter. Suddenly Donnie sprang up from where he was sitting.

“(Y/N)!” Everybody looked at him. His expression was furious. “We need to talk.” He said looking at you, his brows furrowed.

“Yikes, he looks pissed, what did you do, (y/n)?” April questioned you. But you didn’t know either. Following him to his Lab you considered the possibilities. You didn’t break anything in his Lab, right? God, you hoped you didn’t. Did you forget an important meeting or something. Being in thought, you didn’t realize you already being at your destination, his laboratory. He had stopped walking and turned to you, you bumped into him.

“Oh, sorry, I-“ You began to say, but he grabbed the front of your shirt and pulled you up. You let out a shriek. He looked scary, standing in this half-lit room, with this dark look on his face.

“You-“ he said, holding you tighter by your collar. You started to sweat. “-are gonna go out with me.”

You looked at him confused. “Go where?” You asked, he scoffed.

“Don’t play dumb, I’m saying that I’d very much like you to date me.” Seeing you still looking confused he continued, letting your shirt go.

“I haven’t been able to uphold my composure for a while now whenever you touch the others. It’s really starting to agitate me. So, I’m just gonna make you mine!”

There was a short pause.

“Donnie, you like me?” you asked.

“I do.”

“…Romantically?”

“Certainly.”

“Your reason?” He looked thoughtful for a second before answering.

“I don’t really know. I’ve never been in love before? Ever since April introduced you to us, I’ve been watching you and it’s really been bugging me.”

Your mind started to remember something in that moment. It was a documentary you watched a few weeks back. It talked about Baby-ducks and how they perceive the first thing they see after hatching as their mother and subsequently develop affection for it. You blinked, understanding. This guy’s been living inside the sewers with his brothers for years, not really interacting with the outside world, let alone people his age. And if he did, it was because he had to fight them.

You being the first friendly acquaintance he spent a lot of time with, except for April, which you learned was more like a sister to the boys. He mistook the first stirring of attachment for someone as love. But you couldn’t tell him that, he wouldn’t understand. You didn’t know what to do. Maybe…

“Alright.” You began. “I’ll go out with you.”

“Really?” he looked bewildered.

“Yeah, but in exchange you can’t get angry anymore when I talk to the others…it’s annoying.”

Instead of explaining to him what you concluded about his feelings, you felt it was easier just to date him, until he realizes his mistake on his own.

“Okay, I understand.” He spoke. You held out your hand to shake his.

“It’s a promise then!” you said. “And if you break it, we break up.” He hesitated but shook your hand none the less.

“It’s settled then.” You smiled. He didn’t say anything in return. He just grabbed you by the shoulder pulling you toward him. His lips touched yours. You froze.

“I’d never imagined you’d agree to this so easily, I estimated having to put more effort into it, so my equanimity is kind of crumbling right now. But that means that from now on you’re all mine.” He grinned, walking out of the Lab, doing a fist-bump in the air. “Donatello, you did it again.” And he was gone.

Your knees buckled and you sank to the floor. “Shit.” You put your hand over your mouth. “What have I done.”

-------

After a few minutes of you trying to find your composure and slowing down your racing heart you began to walk back to the others.

“-and then they said yes and I kissed them and now we are dating.” You heard Donatello say and you saw him standing in front of the others his arms outstretched gesturing wildly. April and the boys looked at him dumbfounded. When they noticed you, their eyes fell on you staring at you questioningly. Donatello, realizing their eyes weren’t on him anymore turned around.

“(Y/n)! There you are!” he exclaimed, rushing toward you hugging you tightly. Your whole body became rigid and you blushed from embarrassment. You felt all eyes on you. Donnie then pulled back, only to lean in to kiss you again. In your panicked state you raised your hand and slapped him.

You heard gasps from the others, Donatello looking at you with wide eyes. You took him by the arm and pulled him back to the Lab.

He sat against the wall holding his face where you had slapped him, looking up at you. You paced in front of him then stopped and met his eyes.

“I would like for you to keep our relationship a secret.” You said.

“But why?” he answered with a hurt expression. “We are not doing anything we would need to hide.”

He was right. Under normal circumstances being loving in front of others was a normal relationship-thing to do. But seeing that you only agreed to date him since it would end quickly - as quickly as he would understand his mistake of loving you – you didn’t want the others to know. It saved you a lot of embarrassment and teasing.

“Well, it’s embarrassing, I don’t like the others staring. So please stop hugging me and doing other stuff in front of them.” You tried to explain. He didn’t answer, he just looked at your somber expression.

“Promise me, if you can’t keep your promise, I can’t date you!” he flinched then.

“Alright, alright….” He began. “I don’t understand what you mean, but if you don’t like it then I won’t do it. I’ll conceal our relationship and I’ll refrain from grabbing you in front of the others. I promise, so please…-” he held out his hand. “-stop making that face.” You extended your arm grabbing his hand in yours, shaking it.

You sighed and sat next to him, for a few seconds neither one of you said anything, then you felt his head drop on your shoulder. You looked at him. He was being needy. You’d never imagined Donatello being the kind of person to be needy with the one he likes. You felt him nuzzle closer to you. It looked adorable. For a few minutes you let him lean on you.

“We should get back to the others.” You said, standing up.

When you arrived back where the other were sitting you heard them talking with each other with hushed voices.

“There they are.” April whispered and you looked down ashamed. Donatello noticed.

“I was just joking.” He then proclaimed. The others didn’t look convinced. “You know me, Donatello, always the funny one. But I see my jestering didn’t get through to you. So, I’ll reiterate: me and (y/n) are not dating.” Mickey was the first one to react and speak up.

“Ha…haha, okay you got us there Donnie, uh- you two wanna sit back down?” You did, the rest of the evening went by with Donnie not once mentioning you or your relationship. April still teased you about it, when you walked out of the lair.

-------

It had been an uneventful day for you. It was getting dark as you walked back to your apartment. You decided to take the short route through the park next to your complex. As you had made it almost half way through you felt yourself being pulled into the nearby bushes. You wanted to scream and hit whoever had the nerve to touch you, but as you looked up you saw Donatello. He pushed you down by your shoulders so you laid on the grass.

“Alright, we should have some privacy here.” He said, kneeling down in between your legs.

“Huh? For what?” you asked.

“What do you think, we’re gonna have se-“ “-HEY, HEY, WHA-“ “Shhh, be quiet, do you want someone to find us?” He put his hand over your mouth. “Mhh.” Was all you could say. You had forgotten how strong he was, pulling at his arm to get his hand off your face was impossible for you. His other hand slowly went under your shirt. Tears began to fill your eyes. As he leaned over you, he saw your watery eyes and his widened.

“Are you cryin-“ In that moment both your hand came flying to his face from either side. He flinched back sitting up, you did the same and pushed at his shoulders to throw him off completely. You scrambled back.

“Are you insane?” you yelled at him.

“That’s what I want to ask. It’s fine, as long as the other are not here, right?”

“NO!” you sat down in front of him. “Why would you think it’s okay to do this- and in the bushes, at that.”

“We’re dating, let me at least do that.” He looked at you bewildered.

“If you want to do something like…that. You have to get consent from both parties involved!”

“Then give me consent.”

“No! Donnie, you’re being selfish! Kissing me without my input, wanting to have sex with me without my permission, you can’t do that, that’s not love! All you do is stuff you want, without thinking about my feelings first, wanting me all to yourself…it’s just selfish possession!”

You took a breath, you wanted him to realize this baby-duck-stuff on his own, but he was being an idiot. You had no other option than to tell him. Now he would get what a huge dimwit he’d been.

“Okay…I won’t kiss you until you agree, I won’t touch you until you agree and I won’t have sex with you until you agree.” He stood up, looking down to you. That’s not how you planned this at all. He reached his hand out to you and you flinched lightly.

“Come on, I said I won’t do anything.” He came down to your level. “Promise.” He held out his hand again and you shook it. You two were still dating.

-----

After your little incident in the park, Donatello kept his promise of not touching you.

For about a week your life got back to normal, you almost forgot about the whole dating thing.

Almost. You felt that he was unsatisfied with your arrangement. He tried not to show it, but his mood showed that he was frustrated. Today, the group had planned to have a movie night in the lair, when you and April arrived the boys already sat in the living room, except for Donnie. As you sat down on the couch, Leo came up to you.

“You’ll love this movie, (y/n), I picked it out with you in mind.” He slung his arm around your shoulder.

“Wow, now I’m actually excited to know, what you think it is I like.” You laughed lightly. Suddenly the atmosphere in the room changed, from light and happy to absolutely murderous. When you looked back, Donnie was standing in the doorway, with a dangerous look on his face. His face was twisted into a scowl. You stood up, walking towards him, taking his wrist in your hand, you pulled him to the side.

“That was just a friendly interaction, Donnie.”

“I didn’t say anything.” Suddenly you heard Leo giggling quietly. When you glanced at him, he was whispering something in Aprils ear, while looking at you.

“We’re not dating, Nardo!” Donnie said. “Come on, you’re making (y/n) uncomfortable.” Leonardo looked surprised then made eye contact with you.

“Sorry, we’ll stop.” You nodded, looking back at Donnie with one eyebrow raised.

“You do know that you were the one who told them in the first place, right?”

“I’m aware.” He looked sad. You wrecked your brain for a way to cheer him up.

“Donnie, after the movie…do you want to go grab a coffee with me?” His eyes widened and he looked at you.

“You…you don’t mind?”

“I’m totally fine with that, that’s why I asked.” You smiled at him.

“…yeah…yeah, I’ll get coffee with you.” He said quietly, holding his hand in front of his face to hide the blush. Your mouth opened in surprise, Donnie was overcome with joy and was trying to hide it. His blushing face was adorable.

After the movie ended you and Donnie began your walk to the nearest coffeeshop. He was wearing his hoodie, so he could hide his face. You were in thought. Donnie had protected you. Sure, it was just from his brother, but it made you happy. Maybe continuing to date him was a bad idea.

As you opened the door you heard a bell chime, Donnie and you ordered some coffee. As you waited a few feet away from the counter you looked at him. He was looking at you, his hood darkening his features while his eyes were half lidden.

“You kind of look like a dog right now.” You said smiling, your hand reaching out to pat his head.

“I’m a turtle…” he answered, looking away from you blushing.

-----------

You sat in Donnies Lab on a chair, he had put in there just for you. You were on your phone just scrolling, Donnie tinkering with one of his newest inventions. You were getting kind of bored and got up, deciding to get something to drink. When you were almost out the door you felt something tuck on the back of your shirt, you turned. It was Donnie, he had stood up and held on to your shirt with his hand. When he realized what he’d done he let go, looking away.

“Sorry.” He just mumbled. You looked at his face, it was slightly red. You turned and walked up to him.

“Donnie, if you want attention, you can just ask.” You told him.

“I wasn’t thinking that.” He answered, sitting back on his chair. You did the same, rolling your chair up to his.

“But I was wondering…do you have any experience in this kind of area?” He looked at you.

“What area? Like…like that?” He frowned.

“No…just dating-stuff.”

“No, not dating.” You contemplated for a few seconds. “But I had crushes before, like that one guy in Kindergarten…” you twirled your chair, coming to a stop with you facing away from him.

He dropped his head on your shoulder then.

“Donnie?” you asked slowly looking at him.

“I love you…I love you…I love you (y/n)!” You felt his face scrunch up.

“I thought that if I started dating you this weird feeling inside me would go away, but no such luck. I’d hoped that if I make you mine physically, I’d settle down, but I guess not.”

And you realized when he said that, that he was absolutely and utterly serious about you. You did something horrible by agreeing to dating him. This whole thing wasn’t a misunderstanding of his affection for you. He truly and desperately wants you. You were the one with the wrong idea, you were the idiot, you had no intention of accepting these strong feelings from him. You couldn’t do this to him anymore, it was horrible.

“Donatello!” You turned around, facing him. “I…I can’t date you anymore!” you said grabbing his arms. His face went from shock to sadness.

“Why…” he began, his voice quiet. “-would you say that? If you’re not satisfied with-“

“No!” you interrupted him. “It’s not that, I actually didn’t agree to dating you because I liked you-“

“(Y/n).”

“-or because I could grow to like you. I also didn’t do it to be nice-“

“(Y/n)!” He said a little louder, you stopped talking.

“You agreed to dating me because I’m your friend and it would’ve been annoying for you if I was constantly begging you to date me. You decided you would just do it, until I’m satisfied.” You blinked.

“How…”

“Yeah, duh, I already knew that, you know I’m a genius, right? Don’t underestimate my deduction skills. (Y/n), I just didn’t care. I wanted to make you mine through any means possible. So, I know all this so please-“ he looked at you with pleading eyes. “-don’t break up with me.”

“Donnie, I can’t give you anything.”

“I’m saying it’s fine, it’s enough for me to know that I’m the one closest to you.” Your stomach churned.

“Please, stay by my side.” He was wearing this unbearable expression of worry and sadness. It didn’t fit his character at all, his cockiness and narcissism gone. Because of you. You rushed to hug him.

“Okay Donnie, we won’t break up, I’ll try to fall for you, so please-“pulling back you took his face in your hands. “-don’t make that face.” He averted his eyes but kept a small smile.

“…kay.” He just said, looking at you again. He then leaned in closer, stopping a few inches from your face.

“Can I?” Your eyes widened, Donatello asked for permission. This is a whole new problem. You couldn’t really refuse him.

“Yes, but, slowly please, and no more than kissing.” You said closing your eyes. Donatello looked at you, face flushed, eyes closed, fully trusting him. If he could fall any harder for you, he would. Instead, he leaned in all the way, closing the gap. His lips were warm against yours. As he pulled away, both of you looked each other in the eyes, blushing.

-------

“I’ll try to fall for you” is what you said, but how does one even begin to try to fall in love with someone? You didn’t know, and the internet wasn’t giving you any answers either. You would just try harder, yeah, that sounded like a good plan. You were sat on a bench in the same park that Donatello so gracefully pulled you into the bushes that one night. It was getting dark, just like last time. You were waiting for him. He was supposed to meet you here, to have a coffee date. That’s one thing you started doing with him regularly, you met, talked for a bit and said goodbye with him asking for a kiss. Up until now everything was really easy.

“Hey.” Donatello was making his way to you and he plopped down on the bench.

“Hi, Donnie. I got your coffee right here.” You held the cup up, he grabbed it.

“Thanks.” You sat like that for a minute before you decided to lay your head on his shoulder. Donnie jumped slightly looking down at you. He didn’t move and the both of you lingered like that. But then you decided to grab his hand and hold it in yours. He then lightly shoved you off.

“What are you doing?” you asked him, but seeing his annoyed expression you shut up.

“Don’t force yourself, dummie, just because we are officially dating now, doesn’t mean we have to do couple things.” He tried to explain himself.

“No, but if you are serious about me, then I will be serious about dating you. I told you I would try my best!” You were irritated, it seemed that Donnie didn’t believe in you.

“That’s a nice gesture, but in actuality it is me who has to put in labor, you don’t have to do anything.”

You didn’t understand why he wanted to put work in all by himself, he almost never worked alone. His brothers almost always beside him. So why would he insist on it with you. He should trust that you’ll fall for him eventually.

“I don’t want to leave it all up to you.” You said. “Donnie, I want to fall in love with you, too.”

There was silence between you for a second before he spoke again.

“No way!”

“Why not?”

“Just sit there quietly and date me.”

“Donnie, don’t ignore my feelings!” When you said that he hesitated.

Donnie knew that it was impossible to force feelings, no matter how much work someone put into trying. And since he lacked any kind of confidence that you’d eventually fall for him too, of course he didn’t understand why you’d force yourself. You looked at him with sad eyes and started to mumble.

“Don’t you want to hold my hand?” He blushed at that and grumbled slightly, holding out his hand. You took it smiling and laid your head back on his shoulder. After a few minutes you spoke again.

“You were so adamant about the no couple-stuff. But is it possible you’re just embarrassed?” It was funny seeing him so flustered just to hold hands, since you two kissed before.

“You’ve got no self-preservation, (y/n). You do remember me jumping you? In this park to be exact.” You let out a huff. You grabbed his hand tighter to reassure him.

“Yeah, I remember, but you won’t do that again, because you promised.”

You two sat like that for some time, until both of you realized how late it was and decided to head home. After you stood up and said goodbye to each other his hand came up to your face, stopping before touching you and he made eye contact.

“May I kiss you?”

“You may.” You giggled. He smiled, his hand caressed your cheek and he leaning in for a quick kiss.

-------

You were standing in the kitchen, looking for some food when your phone started vibrating in your pocket. You leaned against the counter pulling it out. Donatellos name flashed on the screen. You put the phone up to your ear.

“Hey, Donnie, what’s up?” You weren’t expecting his call.

“Greetings, I was just wondering if you were doing anything tonight?” Donnies voice was excited, but you could tell he was trying to sound cool and collected.

“No. I didn’t plan anything. I was just about to make some food.” You answered, opening another cabinet, looking inside.

“Well, cease that action.” You closed the cabinet-door. “I wanted to ask you if you’d like to go for dinner at Run-of-the-Mill Pizza, just the two of us. If you want. Of course.” You smiled, that’s why he sounded so nervous.

“A date with Othello von Ryan. How could I say no to that.” You chuckled and heard a scoff on the other end of the line.

“Your insolence is high today I see.” You could hear the grin on his face. “I’m gonna be there in 10.”

As you expected, exactly 10 minutes after you hung up there was a knock on the door. You made your way out and walked with him for a few minutes before stepping into a dimly lit alley. You then stepped through the entry portal that was hidden behind a graffiti mural. You sat down in one of the booths and ordered a big pizza to share. While waiting you made small conversation, landing on the time he fought the purple dragons.

“-and then these buffoons stole all of my Tech to use for their evil doings!” Donnie was gesturing wildly, obviously still mad at the small club for using his Technology that way.

“I kind of get it, you know?” you said looking thoughtful. “Your Tech is really amazing!” You looked at him. “I mean, you built so much cool stuff in your Lab, even creating artificial intelligence.” He stared at you for a second then he sprouted a cocky grin.

“Are you hitting on me, (y/n)?” You blushed but then rolled your eyes.

“Okay, you know what, forget I said anything.” Crossing your arms you leaned back against the cushion, smiling.

“No, no, go on, I’d love to hear more about this cool stuff I create.” His arrogance skyrocketing. You tried to jab back.

“Don’t get cocky with me von Ryan!” you said leaning in, poking his chest with your finger. He let you push him back against the backrest. He looked at you through half lidden eyes.

“Sure, we better not start something you can’t finish.” He shrugged smugly.

“Oh, you little-“ you were about to say, but the waiter came to your table with your Pizza.

The rest of the date was really calm. After you had finished the food, Donnie took out his purple wallet and paid for the both of you. When you looked like you wanted to interject, he held up a hand, saying that he had invited you, so he would pay. You got up and he walked you back to your apartment. Standing in front of your door, you opened it, looking back at him.

“I had fun today.” You spoke. He looked at you with adoration. You started to redden under his intense gaze.

“Me too.” He averted his eyes then looking at the floor. You knew what he wanted to ask.

“You can kiss me goodbye, Donnie, we always do.” You said softly. His eyes met yours again and he smiled, coming closer, his hand coming up to the back of your neck, pulling you up very slowly and giving you the gentlest of kisses. You closed your eyes. When both of you pulled away Donnies face was flushed. He said goodbye and hurried away. You stood in the doorway for a minute trying to get your bearing. Something was wrong with your stomach, it felt like the Pizza inside you was doing pirouettes.

-------

“Come on…come on…Piece of-“ your hand came down on top of your TV, which at the moment only showed static. You really just wanted to wind down with your favorite show, but you stupid TV had foiled your plans. You had a rough day, your patience thin, you really didn’t need this right now. You groaned falling back, laying on the floor. You contemplated to just go to bed, but you weren’t tired at all and you really didn’t wanna miss an episode. You put your hands over your eyes, you knew who to call, and you knew that he would drop everything to help you.

You felt bad calling him over just to fix your TV, but you decided if he wasn’t busy saving New York, he could spend his time saving you.

Donatello was sitting next to your TV, with cables everywhere. He was making his in-absolute-concentration-face. You were just sitting next to him, having no idea what Donnie was doing. After about 5 minutes of him just pulling and re-plugging cables he took a step back admiring his work, looking satisfied.

“Alright, I found the problem, if this should happen again- which it should not, but- look, you just need to take this blue cable and connect it to this one, I rearranged them so it’d be easier for you.” You looked at the cables, it really was easier to see what belonged where. You were impressed. When Donnie connected the blue cable, the TV sprang back to live, your show coming on screen.

“Woah! Thank you so much Donnie!” you shouted. “You’re the best!” You jumped on him hugging him tightly. After a moment you realized his body had gone stiff as a board and you pulled back fast. Donnie was looking at you with wide eyes. You felt bad.

“Oh shit, Donnie, I touched you without both of us agreeing, I’m sorry.” Donnies eyes seemed to focus then and he shook his head.

“No, please.” He pulled you back into him, hugging you tighter. “It’s alright!” There was urgency in his voice. “You don’t have to ask. I was just shocked you initiated it.” He tried explaining. You put your arms up and around his neck. You stayed like this for a while, hugging while sitting on the floor.

You were pulled out of your moment together when Donatellos Wrist-gauntlet started to beep. Donnie groaned pulling away slightly and answered the call.

“Don, where are you, we have a mission, Bro!” you heard Mickeys voice. Donnie let go of you then and began walking towards the window.

“I’ll be right with you, I had to take care of something.” He then pressed something on the screen and the call ended. He turned to you.

“Got to go, see you later. Have fun watching your show.” You walked up to him.

“Thank again, bye and be careful.” You said, while leaning up. He immediately leaned down too and you kissed each other goodbye.

------

Donnie didn’t know what to do, he was dating you, but he wanted more. So much more… But you, being the nice person that you were, were just indulging him. You didn’t love him, he knew that, he didn’t know how to proceed.

He needed to talk to someone about it.

“Raph?” he walked into Raphaels room. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Sure, Donnie, what’s up?” Raph sat on his bed, one leg hanging off.

“Do you remember when I said that me dating (y/n) was a joke?” he asked.

“Yeah?” Raph furrowed his brows.

“It wasn’t a joke.” Donnie looked to the floor. Raphs lip twitched.

“No way. Really. I never would have guessed.” Donnie looked up at his brother.

“But Raph, I want (y/n) to look only at me, is that weird?” he said sitting down next to him.

“No? I don’t think so.” He answered.

“So…is it normal to want to tie them up, lock them away, somewhere where no one can find them? And if someone finds them beat the crap out of that person for getting too close? I was told that those feelings are just possessiveness, not real love.” Raph listened intently, but seeing his brothers fearful expression, he had to smile.

“So why not do it?” He asked. Donnie looked puzzled. “Why not lock them up, beat others up?”

“No…Raph, they’d just get really sad and probably cry, so I’d rather see them smiling, than doing any of that stuff.” As Donnie finished saying that, Raph laughed.

“Brother, you have nothing to worry about, you’re fine. And listen, if they are dating you, they have to at least like you right?” Donnie stood up, walking to the door.

“Yeah, thanks, Raph!”

He went to his Room, laying on his own bed, his thoughts wandered to you again, like every minute of everyday it seemed. He decided to text you.

‘What are you doing?’ you read as you sat down on your bed. It was Donnie, you grinned.

‘Just got out of the shower.’ You wrote back. You sat your phone down but it immediately pinged again.

‘What a turn on.” You chuckled, to think Donnie would ever utter such words.

‘You must really like me, huh?’ You answered keeping the phone in your hand, expecting an immediate reply, but it didn’t come. You waited some more, deciding to get ready for bed. After an hour of him not replying you went to sleep.

You’re woken up by your phone pinging on your night table. You reached for it, reading the message.

‘I’m crazy about you.’

You felt your stomach flip and you smiled, realizing that, the smile vanished.

“What am I so happy for?” you didn’t know what to write back, so you just fell back asleep.

------

It was the perfect rainy and cold weather for a lazy day playing video games in the lair. It was your turn to play and you went against April. The others cheering. After April beat you embarrassingly hard you decided to just sit on the couch and watch, sitting between Leo and Donnie.

“Man, I really need to practice.” You grumbled.

“You’ll get there, April beats all of as at this game, except for Mickey.” Leo said, patting your shoulder reassuringly. You breathed out a laugh. When you looked to your other side you saw how Donnie was sitting, very straight, not one part of his body touching you. He had his eyebrows furrowed and when he saw you looking at him, he quickly averted his eyes.

“You good Bro?” Even Leo had noticed his brothers weirdness. Donnie began to sweat.

“Yeah! What? Yeah! I’m just sitting here, with my friends, my just-friends, my Bros…my Buddies.” He was avoiding any eye contact, looking at anything in the room but you two. He finished off his blabbering with pumping his fist against your shoulder. “Right, friend?” He forced a smile. Leo and you just stared at him. He was acting very weird and you had an idea why. You told him to hide your relationship in front of the others, but he was trying too hard. You needed to talk to him.

“Leo, would you excuse us, I need to talk to my friend, here.” Leo just nodded and followed you with his eyes as you walked out the room with Donnie. In the hallway you turned back to him.

“Donnie, what are you doing? I know I said hide our relationship in front of the other, but geez.” He looked at you with guilt in his eyes.

“I know, I’m sorry, I was just trying to disguise it as friendship, but I guess I overcompensated.” His arm came up to rub his neck. He was nervous. “I just want to be close to you all the time and it’s hard to hold back.”

“Listen, Don, we’ve been friends before all this ‘relationship’-stuff, so just act like normal, like my friend Donatello. You can touch me. I just meant no kissing and hugging and stuff.” You smiled trying to calm his nerves. His eyes began to lighten up.

“That’s good to know, I really didn’t know what to do.” He smiled sheepishly. You swung your arm around his and walked him back to the living room.

------

You walked into the lair not knowing what to expect, Donnie had texted you and had asked if you had time to come over. He had mentioned wanting to discuss something with you. You looked around the room not seeing anyone.

“Donnie?” you called out, hearing crashing and some curses, before Donnie came out of his Lab. You walked up to him and gave him a quick hug.

“So, what was it you wanted to discuss with me?” you asked following him to his room after he made the hand motion to come with him. He sat down on his bed and you did the same. He was fidgeting with his hands before looking at you.

“I want to ask for something, but if you don’t want to, it’s totally fine.” He said, his voice unsure. You just nodded so he continued.

“I know, I’ve been asking a lot of you, and I should be fine with what you give me, so feel free to decline, but I wanted to ask if you would like to…um, I-“ he began to stutter. You grabbed his hand to reassure him.

“It’s okay, Donnie, talk to me.” You smiled at him. He smiled back looking relieved.

“I’ve been craving your touch a lot lately and I thought maybe we could…cuddle?” you blinked, not saying anything for a few seconds. Donnie face turned nervous again.

“Ah, I knew it was too much to ask, forget I said anything.” He smiled at you giving your hand a squeeze. Your stomach whirled. Was it okay for you two to just snuggle? Couples do that all the time. And you weren’t really against it. Donnie, always against physical touch. It was funny how he totally threw that out the window with you. You felt kind of happy about that.

“Okay.” You just said. Donnie paused, confused, he never thought you’d actually agree to this.

“Are you sure?” No, you weren’t. If felt like you were overstepping some line and once you would cross it, there would be no turning back. But you ignored the feeling and took his other hand, so you were holding both.

“Yeah, let’s do it. Where do you want me?” you questioned him, and he looked at his bed.

“Uh, just lay down in front of me, I guess.” So, you did, you laid down on your side. He laid down behind you, his arms coming around your waist.

“Is this okay?” you felt his arm hoovering over your body, not yet touching you.

“Yes.” Your face started to heat up after he dropped his arm and snuggled close to you. His face at the back of your neck. You felt his breath on your skin. You suppressed a shudder. This felt nice, cozy even. You just laid there snuck against his plastron, breathing calmly. You closed your eyes. You could fall asleep like this. Warm and comfortable, this felt so natural to do with him, you were amazed.

You woke up, you were confused for a second, not knowing where you were, this wasn’t your room. But then you felt arms around you and you remembered. Donnie had asked you to cuddle. You had fallen asleep.

“You woke up.” Donnies soft voice came from behind you, he sounded like he was smiling. You rubbed your eyes.

“How long was I out?”

“About half an hour.”

“Oh.” You just said, in your tired state you snuggled closer to him. You heard his breath hitch. Then he loosened his grip on you.

“Thank you for this.” He spoke, very softly shaking your shoulder. “But my family will be here soon.”

You slowly opened your eyes again, sitting up. He was right, you did not want the others to see this. Why didn’t you want that again? You got up and stretched, then turning to face Donatello.

“I should go then.” You spoke quietly. He looked up at you.

“Yeah. Thanks again, for doing this.” You smiled at him bending down, giving him a quick peck.

“You’re welcome. Uh…see you later, right?” you asked timidly. Why were you so nervous all of a sudden.

“Yeah.” He answered with a woozy smile.

-------

You sat on your sofa, you were waiting for April, she had asked you to help her with something. Apparently, she snatched an interview with some boss from a company that she deemed ‘super-duper-suspicious’, and you had to come with her. You didn’t mind, it was a good distraction from all the Donnie-drama.

Then you heard a knock. April is early? But you realized the knocking didn’t come from the door, but the window. You walked up seeing Donnie hovering in font of your window. You opened it up.

“Donnie? What are you doing here?” you asked.

“What do you mean? It’s time for our coffee-date, like always?” he looked confused. Shit. He was right, you totally forgot to call off your meeting. You felt horrible.

“Oh, Donnie, I’m sorry, I have to help April, I forgot to tell you, I can’t today.” His expression became sad then.

“What about later, then? He asked. You thought for a minute, you didn’t know how long the interview would go on, but you were sure you’d be exhausted when you’d be back home.

“…No, sorry, I don’t think I can make it.”

“Oh.” You could tell he was disappointed, but trying not to show it. Your stomach sank, he was making that expression again, the one you couldn’t stand to look at.

“Well, I’ll see you later then and be careful.” He started to fly off, when you grabbed his arm.

“Ah- I just, don’t make that face, Donnie. Is there a way I can make you feel better?”

You wanted to make him feel better, you did. He had just asked for some kissing. But it had turned into a full on make out session. The way he was kissing you against the living room wall made you weak in the knees. He was too good at this.

“Donnie.” You whispered. Pulling back a little. “April is going to be here any minute.”

“Just a little more.” He answered, his face serious. “Are you okay with that?”

“Yeah…okay.” And he immediately leaned back down, kissing you again. His hands had taken your wrist and pushed them down next to your head. His grip on you was strong, you realized. It kind of hurt. Then you felt his tongue against your lips, you gasped surprised. His tongue then slid inside your mouth. It felt amazing and you whined against his lips. After you heard the noise you’d made, you started to freak out but you didn’t want to push him away either. You agreed to kissing him, but now your heart beat so fast and loud you heard it in your ears. You began to tear up. What was going on with you. Donatello pulled away then.

“I love you.” He huffed, but after realizing that you were crying, he withdrew his hands from you. Then he saw his Handprints on your skin, he took a step back from you, ashamed.

“No.” he said, his voice desperate. “I forced you again.”

“What? No, Donnie, we both agreed to this!” But he shook his head.

“Damn it, I want to treat you gently, it’s like I lose myself every time I touch you.” Donnie knew why you were crying. You grimace told the whole story of you wanting to return his feelings but couldn’t. He forced you into this relationship, and he was beginning to regret it. In that moment the back of your hand tapped his chest.

“I didn’t agree to kissing you, to make you feel bad, you know? Don’t get in your head.”

He looked like he wanted to say something but a knocking on the door had you both looking to the entrance. It was April. You ushered Donnie out of the Window.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” You said, pecking his cheek, closing the window and opening the door.

-----

You laid in your bed with your face in the pillow. You had to organize your emotions and feelings. That was the task you wanted to achieve today.

You knew you liked Donnie, in the sense that his feelings were important enough to you to not ignore them. You also wanted to protect him. But you weren’t sure if that counts as romantic feelings. The fluttering in your stomach and your raised heartbeat could just be your nervousness.

This whole thing was taking a toll on you, even April commented on the dark rings under your eyes. You were worrying about returning Donnies feelings constantly, so much so that some nights you couldn’t sleep. Was it even possible to fall in love trough hard work, you’ve never heard of it.

“Shiiiiiiit.” You felt tears on your cheeks.

Maybe you could stop trying and let it come naturally, Donnie was smart, charismatic and for you he tried to be really considerate. But you wanted your love to come as fast as possible, to make him feel better, you didn’t want to cause him any more pain. But for that to work you’d have to fall for him, and you wanted to, but you’ve never been in love before and you didn’t know what to feel, this wasn’t like that kid in your kindergarten at all.

Wait.

You wanted to get you mind in order. You tried again.

If you’d confess your feelings for Donnie and he would recognize that your feelings weren’t real, he would make that awful face again, which scared you.

You did not want to hurt him, because he was important to you. You liked him. Yes, you did. If it’s romantic you weren’t sure, but you wanted to let him know these feelings that you had.

You wiped the tears from your eyes and began running, grabbing your jacket you made your way to the lair.

You excitedly climbing down the stairs. You wanted to tell Donatello about your feelings as fast as possible. You were almost all the way down, when your excitement caused you to lose footing and fall down. You hit the ground, but feeling no pain you looked down, seeing you fell onto Donnie himself. You got up, now sitting on top of him.

“Donnie!” you shouted. “Just the guy I wanted to see.” He groaned, holding his head.

“You need to be more careful when you climb the ladder, ow.” But you didn’t care about that at this moment.

“I have to tell you something!” you said eagerly. He just laid there, peering up at you.

“I want to tell you that I li-“ You were interrupted by Donnie pushing you off of him, when you got up again to ask him why he did that you saw his brothers coming in.

“They are gonna see.” Donnie whispered to you. You clenched your teeth. You were the one who told him that, you knew. But the rules were unimportant right now. His brothers came up to you.

“Hey guys.” Leo said. “What’re you doing on the floor?” You stopped to think, maybe confessing your feelings to Donnie in front of his brothers wasn’t such a good idea. You searched for an exit.

“We wanted to buy some coffee. You guys want anything?” you asked.

“Sure.” Raph spoke up. “I’ll get a-“ But you didn’t listen to the 3 boys telling you their order, you just looked at Donnie, he was eying you suspiciously.

“Yeah, yeah, okay, got it, we’ll be going then, won’t be long, buh-bye now!” you got up, pulling Donnie with you.

You two were walking the street toward the coffee-shop. Donnie looked at you from the side. He saw your dark circles under and the redness around your eyes. You had been crying again and now you wanted to tell him something. He had a bad feeling about this.

You came to a stop in front of the big store window and peeked inside. There were a lot of people. So many in fact, that you both decided you would go in alone to get the coffee, so people wouldn’t see Donatello. Which was okay for you, you could wait a few minutes before confessing to him.

As you waited in line you glanced outside. Donnie was leaning against a lamppost scrolling on his phone. You smiled. All of a sudden you felt a hand brush your butt. You froze, did you imagine that? Then you felt it again, this time the hand was slightly groping your ass. Instead of fighting back like you had thought your body would do in this situation, he betrayed you, completely freezing up. You thought of Donnie, but you couldn’t let him be seen. Shit. You were scared, terrified. This didn’t feel right, you tried to will your body to move. Your eyes started to burn and you blinked, feeling tears escape. When you heard the guy behind you pant, you lost it, you fought your stupor and rushed out of the building. You heard Donnie calling your name, but your mind was in fight or flight, and since you didn’t fight the guy, you ran.

It didn’t take long for Donnie to catch up to you. You still made it all the way to the park, where you and Donnie always drank your coffee. He pulled you back.

“(Y/n), Hey! What’s going on?” Your eyes darted in his direction unseeing. You were in a state of pure panic. Donatello understanding that, sprang into action. Pulling you down to sit on a bench he spoke to you in a calm voice.

“(y/n), you are currently having a panic attack.” He started. Rubbing circles on your back. “I want you to know that whatever scared you is no longer here, you are safe. I understand that you are frightened, but I need you to try and breathe.” He helped you by taking some inhales and exhales together with you. After a few minutes you had calmed down enough for him to get an explanation out of you.

“-and then I heard him pant behind me and I just ran away.” Donnie couldn’t believe what he had heard. He would search for the security camera footage, he would find that guy, he would hunt him down, and he would kill him for touching you. Seeing his plotting-face you gently touched his arm.

“Don’t do anything stupid, Donnie, I can’t see you when you’re in jail.” You laughed. But Donatello was confused.

“Why didn’t you call out to me. I could’ve helped you, you know? I would’ve stomped that guy into the ground for touching you.” You blinked at him.

“I couldn’t.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Donnie, people would have seen you!” Donnie stared at you perplexed.

“Who cares about that while their being harassed?” You began to cry again.

“I DO! When he touched me, I thought about you, but I couldn’t risk you being exposed. And what if you hit him, the police would’ve been called, you’d be found out, you’d go to jail and it’d be all my fault.” You wailed. “When I realized that I stopped myself from calling out to you. You being uncovered, that’s even scarier.”

Donnie had listened to you intently. His hands were balled to fists.

“You know, ever since we started dating, all you have done is cry.” You looked down. He continued.

“I don’t understand it, it’s my first time after all. Loving someone this much. Wanting them all to myself. Wanting to cherish them. Wanting them to smile more. Wanting to change who I am for them.” He took a breath. “Earlier, if it were April or Sunita with you, you would have asked them to help, right?” He began to grin humorlessly. “I can’t even protect you, all I do is make you cry and force you into things and then wind up hurting you myself. I’m the worst.”

He got up from the bench then. You kept looking down.

“I’ll break up with you.” Your eyes widened. “For making you go out with me and for falling in love with you, I’m sorry.” Your brain didn’t compete what he had said. As he took his first step away from you, you heard voices coming closer. Leo, Mickey and Raph were making their way towards you.

“What are you doing here?” Donnie said, he really didn’t feel like talking with them at the moment.

“You told us it won’t be long, that was an hour ago!” Mickey said, worry in his tone. Right, you wanted to bring them all coffee, you totally forgot.

“There was an incident at the coffee-shop.” Donatello said. He looked down at you again, but you didn’t react to anything. He sighed.

“Let’s go home. (y/n) wants to be alone right now.” He ushered his brothers away, wanting you to have some time to yourself.

It all came crashing down on you. Donatello just dumped you, deciding to do that all on his own again. You wanted to go after him. But you hesitated. Maybe it was the best for both of you.

You bend over and laid your arms and head on your knees. Your eyes fell on a purple leather wallet on the floor. Wasn’t that Donatellos? You had seen it when he bought the Pizza. You picked it up and opened it. A piece of paper fell out. You reached for it folding it up. You read what was written on the little note, you breath hitched.

· don’t get mad when they talk to others.

· Hide that we’re dating

· Don’t touch them in front of the others

· Don’t touch them until we both agree

He wrote down the promises he made with you. The piece of paper looked worn and crumbled. It was proof that Donatello had read and reread and reread them over and over. You were sure that in moments where he didn’t know what to do, he vowed to at least hold these promises.

Your stomach fluttered and your heart beat faster. These two things happening a lot lately. You thought it was just nervousness, but you finally got it. It wasn’t nervousness at all.

Donatello, he’s an idiot, he’s narcissistic, he stubborn, he’s cocky, he’s arrogant, he’s a pain in the ass…But you didn’t want to lose him. Thoughts rushed inside your head. You were scared that whatever you were feeling wasn’t romantic, and when you thought about it, it wasn’t typical romance at all. The way you felt so comfortable with him and the way he would touch you making you weak. It wasn’t just a crush. What you were feeling for Donatello was love!

You got up wanting to run after him.

“Dona-“ you stumbled over your feet, falling down. You panicked.

“NOOO!” you screamed. Donnie turned around.

“I don’t care about protection and I don’t care about crying because of you, I don’t care, you make me feel safe, and you make me smile way more than you make me cry. Those are all part that I love about you!” You cried louder. He started racing in your direction.

“Don’t go!” he ran faster.

“Stay!” almost there.

“Stay by my side!” he finally reached you and he fell to his knees hugging you.

“I won’t leave, I’ll stay with you.” He panted. You hugged him tighter. Suddenly he stirred.

“Wait, you love me? Why didn’t you say anything?” He questioned you.

“I know, I just realized today! That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” You pulled back a little. Seeing his troubled expression, you smiled softly. “I’m sorry I made you wait, Donnie.” He blushed hugging you again.

“Aww, isn’t this just cute.” You heard Raph say from further away. Donnie pulled back then, holding you by your shoulder an armlength away, rubbing his eyes.

“Shit, sorry.” He started to say but you interrupted him with crashing your lips on his. After you pulled back you looked at his flushed face.

“Forget about the stuff you got written down. Instead- never ever let me go again!” Donnie began to smile, then he held out his hand.

“Promise.” He said as you shook his hand.

#Donatello/reader #rise!donatello #rottmnt x reader

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9thbutterfly · 2 days

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I need to whine a bit, and if any of you have suggestions, please go ahead.

Specifically, whine about sleep, the toddler's and mine, and tangentially the husband's.

Part of me is like, "you're a wimp, this isn't nearly as bad as ages 4-8 months, when OR never slept more than an hour at a time, would only go back to sleep by nursing, and I had to go to work as well."

But then again, I could mostly set my own hours, and take a nap at lunchtime/take regular breaks for nursing during work (I brought OR to work with me at that time).

Now I mostly work 8-6, without any breaks long enough for a nap. Then I get home, try to get some dinner into me and OR, and then it's their bedtime. If we're lucky, we have a bit of time left to play/read together.

I mean. At least they now tolerate LG taking them to bed. There was a time when it was all Mama, Mama, all the time, and LG trying to do bedtime got screaming and crying. Now we take turns, so at least every other day I actually have time to shower and tidy up a bit.

(except that I'm usually still frustrated, because LG loses track of time, or spends ages on the toilet, and bedtime ends up being late if I don't remind him and/or do things that he should be doing.)

Anyway, then we get to bed and it's wriggle time. OR wants me to lay down with them, so I'm constantly getting kicked and grabbed and my hair pulled and my covers pulled off and so on.

They used to fall asleep easily with their bottle (and yeah, I know they should have stopped bedtime bottles long ago, but we haven't had the energy to deal with it) but now that no longer works, and they will just wriggle and twist around and talk and talk and keep themselves awake, and I can't figure out how to get to calm down and fall asleep.

And it would maybe be easier if I weren't in the bed with them, but I'm so tired that I just want to lie down too, and I don't have the resources left for a lot of singing/storytelling/whatever (apart from the fact that at least half the time, that just makes them more wound up).

And then most nights they wake up at some point and call for us, and it's always me who wakes up first, and me who goes over, because by the time LG wakes up, OR would be even more awake and scared because noone is coming, and then we're back in Wriggleville, and I have been awake since 3:30 now, and have a long and busy day ahead of me and just want to either cry or kill someone.

I mean. Some changes are obvious. If the bottle is no longer helping them, they could just have milk before brushing their teeth. But the bottle still has about 20% chance of putting them to sleep, and what do I do instead? I need to not be in the bed with them, but where else do I go that's tolerable to my tired body? I thought about buying a beanbag chair, but there is no fucking room for buying anything/if I need to move one more thing to be able to vacuum I will start just chucking everything out of the window.

#9thbutterfly life #(not so) obscure reference

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idontknowwhoiam465 · 2 months

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Not Alone. Not Anymore. Not Ever.

The reader met the Doctor three months ago, and already he's become so important to her. Her anxieties about being left alone start to show, and the Doctor makes sure she knows thats not going to happen. Not ever.

----------------------------------

I'd been traveling with the Doctor for almost three months now, and already the larger than life TARDIS had started to feel more like home than anywhere on Earth ever did. The Doctor and I had settled into a comfortable companionship early on, and I could see the joy in his eyes whenever he watched closely at my reactions to a new planet, or species, or some corner of the universe I never thought imaginable.

The Doctor had quickly become my favourite person to be around. His quirky excitable personality, and outfit to match, drew me in from the moment I saw him. Whenever we were sat in the control room of the tardis and he was tinkering away fixing something or other, he'd often tell me stories of places he'd been as I kept him company. Tell me tales of the adventures he'd had and the people he'd seen. Songs he's heard, and lives he's lived.

Sometimes he'd mention a name of a past companion and a flash of sorrow would show in his eyes, before brightening up again, so quick I almost wouldn't notice. It's in these moments that I realise how lonely he gets. How afraid he is to be alone again. These are the moments that scare me. I see myself in him. His eyes a reflection of my own.

I spent my whole life caring so much about the people around me. Loving them with everything I had in me. Only for them to get bored of me, or decide I was too much to deal with, and just walk away. And it hurt. It hurt like hell. Anytime someone new would come into my life, I'd wonder how long. How long until they get bored of me? How long until I drive them away? How long before they decided they dont want me anymore?

Sometimes, when I see that pain in the Doctors eyes, I want to tell him I know how he feels. I know what its like to be left on your own time and time again. But I can't. His eyes show the pain of someone who hasn't just been left behind, but rather, had the people he loved ripped away. My loneliness can't compare to that.

Sometimes my anxiety gets the better of me. I find myself wondering if he's going to leave me behind too. If I'm another burden, that im putting on his already heavy shoulders.

I also wonder if, just as I see the loneliness in his eyes, he sees it in mine.

Of course, he does. I just didn't realise that yet.

---------------------------------------

I was too busy constantly overthinking the idea of him leaving me, that I didn't even notice everything he was doing to make me trust that he wouldn't.

The comforting smiles and endless rescues when we went to a planet, and it didn't quite go as planned. The time he put a beanbag in the control room for me, because he knew I couldn't sit comfortably still on a chair. Keeping hold of my hand, never letting go, as we'd explore dark creepy tunnels. The little music box he secretly bought for me, after noticing me looking at it longingly at an alien marketplace. And the way he seemed to know when I was afraid, before I knew myself, and made sure he was by my side.

Despite all this, my anxieties about him leaving me behind only grew.

It was when we went to Victorian London, that I fell apart.

I peered out of the doors of the TARDIS around the Doctor's shoulder as he (quite overly dramatically) opened them. I gasped at the snow lining the streets as the faint glow of the streetlamps lit the dark road. The snow glittered as each flake reflected the light, creating a sparkling blanket, resting peacefuly on the ground.

I turned to the Doctor excitedly, 'Where - no, wait - When are we? When and where?'.

'Victorian London,' He licked his finger and held it up in the air as he stepped out of the blue box, '1873, 5:23 pm, December 24th, Wednesday. Good. Not a Thursday. Don't like Thursdays. Today is Christmas Eve, Christmas ball day. And we,' he winked at me as he pulled out his psychic paper, 'have got an invitation.'

I stared at him eyes wide. 'Christmas ball day. You're taking me to a christmas ball. In Victorian London.' I looked outside as I breathed out a silent wow.

I looked down at the clothes I was wearing, 'Oh my god, I need to go get a dress!'

As I turned to get to the wardrobe room of the TARDIS, the Doctor stopped me.

'I uh, actually, Y/N, may have already bought one for you. If you want it that is, I don't mean to force you to wear it if you dont want to. Thats not what I want to do at all actually, I just saw it and thought you might like it. Tell me if you -'

I cut him off with a grin.

'Show me the way to my new dress Doctor'

'Well, yes, okay then, follow me'

--------------------------------------

I opened my eyes to see the most beautiful dress I could have ever imagined. Hanging in front of me was a sea of green. Layers upon layers of fabric, all folded over eachother. Stunning embroidery and beads and lace all creating so many beatiful patterns that I could sit there all day and find new designs and still find more later.

The Doctor's voice came from behind me, 'I thought the colour would work well with your hair, seeing as you insist on dying it red.'

He thought that far into it. He thought about whether or not it would match my hair. I turned to him silently not knowing what to say. Before I even knew I was crying, the Doctor took a step towards me.

'Hey, what's wrong? Do you not like the dress? I'm sorry, I didnt mean to upset you.'

The Doctor wiped a tear off my cheek as I whispered through a shaky breath, 'The dress is beautiful Doctor. Really, I love it. That's not the problem at all.'

He held his hand on the side of my face and gently asked, 'Then talk to me, what's wrong?'

'It's nothing. Don't worry about it. It's stupid.' I said shaking my head slightly.

He took one of my hands in his and looked at me with his bluey-green eyes full of so much care, 'Oh Y/N, nothing that makes you sad or hurt could ever be stupid. Please talk to me.'

'Its just, well, you're important to me right,' I managed, tears coming quicker now, 'My best friend. And that scares me. I told you. It's stupid. But everyone, everyone I've ever cared about has decided at one point or another that they're bored of me. Or that they dont want to deal with me anymore. I always push everyone away. And you're doing all this nice stuff for me. The bean bag and the music box, and now this stunning dress. And it makes it worse. Because what if you decide you dont want me anymore. I can't get left behind again. I just, I just can't. And I couldn't tell you, because I see it in your eyes. You've been alone before, but your eyes tell a different story. You weren't just left behind. I can see the pain and the grief. They were taken from you. And my fear of being alone is small and silly compared to that.' I looked down at the floor, scared to look at him and see him looking at me as though I'm making a big deal out of nothing.

I felt his hand leave my cheek and tilt my chin up to look at him. His eyes searched mine for a moment, before he pulled me in for a hug and held me like our lives depended on it.

'My amazing Y/N. Just because we feel different pain, it doesnt mean your's is lesser. You hear me? You are allowed to feel just as sad as anyone else. Don't think you have to hide it from me. And listen I am not going anywhere without you, you are coming to the ends of the universe with me whether you like it or not. You are not alone. Not anymore. Not ever.'

I pulled back to look at him, my turn to search his eyes. 'You promise?' I whispered.

'Cross both my hearts and hope to die. Well, not really hope to die, the idea doesnt seem particularly appealing to me personally. Honestly that phrase should probably have some adjustments made. But yes, I promise. You're stuck with me I'm afraid.'

My lips curled up slightly at his rambling, and the sincerity I saw in his face.

His face turned into a grin, 'There we go Bright Eyes. There's that smile I love. Now, haven't you got a dress to try on?'

I looked behind me at the dress, and turned back to him with my own grin. 'Absolutely. And then, we have a ball to attend.'

======================================

Thankyou so much for reading, it's my first fic, so hopefully you liked it. Lmk what i can do to make future ones better of if theres anything you want me to do :)

#eleventh doctor #doctor who #x reader #reader insert #fem reader #anxitey #tw anxiety #fluff #comfort

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quotidian-oblivion · 8 months

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Writing Positivity Tag!!!

Wasn't tagged, but again saw this game and loved it.

What do you take pride in with your own writing?

Hmmm... probably the plots. Because I really like the ideas and concepts I come up with. I mean, the Bruce Wayne writes fanfic au? I'm still blown away by it.

Did you have any big inspirations from another writeblr? Who and how?

Ughhhhhh. I have so many. But the biggest ones? @cygnusdoesthings because of her, i'm still writing right now. Cuz the comments she put on My School’s Local Mafia Boss and then the recordings was what made me really, truly, well and fully realize that there were actual people who were saying all those stuff behind the comments. And also she has helped me a whole lot through so much.

@tristicorde cuz i go to her every time i feel low about my writing or about posting something and she always - always - knows the right things to say. Thats because the things she says are just facts. Not reassurances made up for the sole purpose of reassuring, but facts that reassure me. Also, her descriptive style of writing is something i strive to achieve 😭

@wakkoroni It's because of Vibes that I have as many crackfics as i do now (wips and posted). We have such a time and vibe just spouting out shitposts to each other in conversations, as well as incorrect quotes and hypotheses and hcs about the batfam, it is impossible to spend even 5 minutes with her and not get inspired to write or create something.

@sardonic-sprite because the first real fic i wrote (Ya Dun Fucked Up) was inspired by her Harbor. Her fics are the ultimate comfort, the ultimate hurt, the ultimate angst, the ultimate crack, and the ultimate family bonding. If you don't at least appreciate them, you don't appreciate anything.

That was a long answer. Anyways, moving on! (oh, special mention @uncertainwallflower cuz she helped me get past a very incredibly super-awful severe case of writer's block once)

What are you most proud of in your current WIP?

LMAO. WHICH WIP? 🤣

K the main one i'm focusing on rn is the tim gets kidnapped fic co-written with Vibey. And two things i'm most proud of in there are: a) how well mine and vibey's ideas just meld into each other b) the sheer amount of angst sprinkled throughout the fic. It's awesome. I love it.

What is your idea of a perfect day of writing?

Uhhh. I have chocolate milk or boba. I'm sitting at my desk instead of the beanbag cuz the desk is actually clear for once. I'm hyperfocusing as i write and don't notice the time pass by and don't have any pressuring due dates for school and everyone at home is sleeping and the sun is sending its rays through my window and shining on my hair making it go the cool brown color i love as i'm tip-tapping away at my computer. It happened once. I was writing the angstiest thing i had ever written at the time and was shaking. It was glorious.

What’s your big goal with writing?

That I never treat it like a chore. Ig thats more of a wish than a goal.

Then ig a goal would be to make it mean as much to someone else as it does to me. Or for people to just have a blast and let go of their worries and take a break as they read my stuff. But the goal that will never leave is to improve. I take one thing and work on it one by one until it's to my satisfaction. Currently, i'm working on describing settings.

No pressure tags: @uncertainwallflower @cygnusdoesthings @sardonic-sprite @wakkoroni @tristicorde @foursixtwonineoh-pieces-of-lego @blightwritesfic @pevensiechase

#quotidian convos #quotidian writes #tag game #writer tag game #writer positivity #writer positivity tag game #writing positivity #writerblr

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starlitangels · 1 year

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Last Night (Mistake)

C’mooon. You know I had to do it. That bit was so intriguing to me 2.9k words

[Spicy warning! No smut, but spice] No spoilers for yesterday’s video, but definitely spoilers for two-days-ago’s video!

—

I jolted awake and looked around. In the dim half-light of a weak morning sun fighting its way past blackout curtains, I recognized the room I was in—and it wasn’t mine. The curtains were dark teal and the posters on the off-white walls were of bands I knew but didn’t like enough to keep posters up. The duvet draped over me was covered in clouds that matched the curtains.

Blake’s bedroom. God only knew I’d sat on this bed doing homework enough to recognize it on sight.

I shifted slowly on the mattress, looking around. How had I… I’d never slept in his bed before. Sure I took a nap on top of the covers occasionally if we’d stayed up late playing video games—but I never got in the covers.

The moment I moved I became acutely aware of the fact that I was naked. And sore. Dark, bruise-like marks peppering my shoulders.

A long string of swearing rushed through my head as the memories came crashing back in.

—

Vzzt! Vzzt!

New Message: Blake Hey! My parents aren’t home tonight. Wanna come over and play Zelda and have pizza?

I chuckled and tapped the Reply option.

Me: Sure. Be over soon.

I grabbed my backpack and slung it on one shoulder. “Mom! I’m heading over to Blake’s!” I shouted.

“Be careful!” Mom called. I grabbed the keys to my old beater of a car.

“I will! We’re just gonna play Zelda and get some pizza. The usual.”

“Drive safe!”

“Will do.” I ducked out the front door and went to my car.

I drove to Blake’s house, where he was already waiting for me with the front door open.

“The order for Max’s has already been placed and it’ll be delivered in like an hour,” Blake said as I approached the door. We exchanged a hug and he pulled me inside, shutting the door behind us. “Think you’re ready to see if you can actually beat ‘Twilight Princess’ tonight?”

“Hey, slowly chipping away at an older game is a perfectly valid play style.”

“Up until the point when you can’t remember where you were at or what the plot even was.”

“Shut up, you jerk,” I snapped. “It hasn’t been that long.”

He laughed and led me to the basement where the game room was. The big open space right off the stairs. His bedroom was through a door to the left but we didn’t bother with it, flopping on the giant beanbag together. Blake passed me the Wii controller. “Good luck,” he teased.

We played until the pizza came, then we played while we ate. We took turns, switching back and forth when one or the other got stuck. The way we always played single-player games.

Neither of us even realized the sun went down until we looked outside when a car’s headlights swung past and saw stars though the basement window well. We laughed. “Another one of those nights,” I joked. He smiled and nodded through his laughter. The clock on the basement microwave—that was mostly there for popcorn—read 2:56AM.

“Yeah, guess so. C’mon. Hand me the controller. My turn.”

I passed it over. As he took it, his eyes unfocused a little, looking through me.

“B? You tired? Wanna call it a night?” I asked.

He shook himself back into focus. “No, no. I’m good. I promise.” He drew the controller closer to himself and settled into the beanbag. Unpausing the game and picking up where I left off.

After a while, I realized I had no idea how I ended up with my head on his chest with his arm around my shoulders. He was still playing, acting like he hadn’t even noticed either. Maybe he hadn’t. But the position was… comfortable. We tucked against each other with a precision like we’d done this a million times. Even though we never had before.

“You’re staring at me,” Blake said.

“When did you put your arm around me?”

“When you snuggled in.”

“When was that?”

He shrugged. “Wasn’t paying attention.”

“Do you… want me to move?”

“You don’t have to. You’re not impeding me.”

We stayed in that position until my shoulder started to ache from how long I’d been lying on it and I finally had to move. I took the controller from him and sat up better on the beanbag.

I played, but was only half thinking about Zelda. The other half of my brain was on my best friend sitting beside me. We’d always been close. People always thought we were together when we were at gas stations or going to grab dinner or whatever. But we’d just… never been like that.

“Hey,” Blake piped up quietly while I was trying to figure out the temple puzzle. “We’re… we’re always gonna be like this, right?”

I paused the game and looked at him over my shoulder. “Of course, why?”

“I don’t know. Just… we’re graduating high school soon. I know you’re going to D.A.M.N. and I’m gonna commute to the school in Ferris that has the better Dreamwalking program but… I just really don’t want us to fall out of each other’s lives.”

“We won’t. We never will.” I smiled at him.

He was staring at me with such intensity that I couldn’t even think of a way to tease him about it. “Blake?” I prompted.

He blinked, finally, but didn’t say anything.

Ever so slowly, he lifted a hooked finger and placed it under my chin. Drawing me closer while he leaned in. I thought about stopping—about pushing him back. About saying we couldn’t. We were best friends and that was all. We couldn’t just throw our friendship away like this—

But by the time all those thoughts passed through my head I was already kissing him. Soft and gentle at first.

I swallowed and pulled away. In the darkness, both of us lit only by the TV screen the Wii was hooked up to, his pupils were blown wide, nearly swallowing that vibrant teal of his eyes. We were both breathing harder than we were a moment ago and my mouth was hanging open in surprise.

Before I even realized what I was doing, I grabbed at his shoulders, curling my fingers into fistfuls of his T-shirt and yanked him closer.

We crashed together with reckless abandon. His hands slipped under my shirt and held onto my bare sides, keeping me close.

With my grip on his shirt, I pulled it up. He let me go long enough to yank it off and throw it somewhere else in the game room, then he grabbed at the hem of my shirt. I let him pull it off. I’d seen him shirtless pretty often, but in the dark, like this, it was different. His skin shimmered in the bluish light of the TV, and was soft under my touch when my hands slid over it. I’d hugged him without a shirt on before, sure, but I’d never really run my hands over his skin with reckless, wanton abandon. His fingertips dug into my bare back in kind, feeling like the points of contact were setting my skin on fire.

We made out on the beanbag until my head was spinning, the bare skin of our torsos pressing together. Holding onto each other like we were never going to be able to let go.

He scooted us off the beanbag and pulled me across the room until we were at the door to his bedroom. He pinned me back against it. “This okay?” His voice was nothing more than a breath as his fingers darted daringly under the waistband of my shorts. Just enough to imply he wanted to take them off.

I nodded breathlessly. “It’s okay.” My hand fumbled behind me for the knob to his bedroom door. I got it open right as he stripped off my shorts and underwear, leaving me naked, before he shoved his own off too.

We tumbled into his room and one of us—not sure who—kicked it shut with magic. Before we fell onto his bed.

—

“Oh God,” I whispered, staring at the hickeys on my shoulder. “Oh, my God—what have we done?!”

Blake stirred beside me. I twisted without softness or subtlety to look at him. The wax he used to spike his hair up away from his face was mostly gone from sweat, leaving his short bangs flopped over his forehead. He was still naked too and there was a smattering of fewer hickeys on his chest. He looked peaceful, a tiny smile touching the corners of his lips even before he was fully awake.

He blinked bleary eyes open. “Good morning,” he said tiredly, a small smile on his face.

“Blake!” I hissed. Panic was making heat rise in my chest. Whether that was my Core or my heart pounding, I had no idea. “Blake, what have we done?!”

After a moment, he blinked again. Clarity came back to his eyes.

He sat up abruptly. I looked away as the sheet and duvet fell off of him. “Oh, my God,” he whispered. With a few quick, efficient movements, he slid out of the blankets—while I slammed my eyes shut—and I felt him hop over me and open the door to his bedroom with a soft creak. I didn’t feel his parents’ auras in the house… yet.

I heard and felt the soft pulse of magic and the rustling of fabric. Next thing I knew, familiar textures were being pressed into my hands.

“Here. Your clothes,” Blake said.

I sat up, eyes still shut, rearranging the sheet to keep my modesty covered, and did my best to at least get my shirt on. I heard the scrape of fabric over skin as Blake put his own clothing on.

I peeked one eye open in time to see Blake in his underwear and a fresh T-shirt that covered the majority of his hickeys, yanking into jeans.

Still hiding under the covers, I pulled my own underwear and shorts on.

“Blake—what the hell do we do?”

“I don’t know! We just—we got carried away!” Blake hissed.

I tumbled out of his bed once I was covered by my clothes. “We’re still in high school—my parents are going to kill me. Then… you. Then me again!” I grimaced. “God—I am sore everywhere! Like, in places I didn’t even know could get sore—and I play tokenrun.”

“We can’t tell our parents,” Blake said.

“How can we not tell our parents? I don’t know the kind of healing magic that would get rid of hickeys—or the soreness. My parents will just be able to… tell.”

Blake ran his hands through his short hair, mussing the half-waxed spikes. “Uh… text them. Tell them we stayed up all night playing Zelda and we’re gonna walk to grab some breakfast at that diner over on Sunkissed Avenue. Stay here long enough to stop being so sore and then… then maybe we can text Lacey and see if she’d be willing to heal…”

“You want Lacey to know we slept together?!” I hissed.

“She wouldn’t know—”

“Yes she would. She can be a bit of an airhead but she’s not so stupid that she wouldn’t recognize hickeys on sight.”

Blake took a deep breath and sighed. “Text your parents… let’s go get breakfast… then… we’ll figure it out.” He swore under his breath.

—

“Fantastic, as always,” Blake muttered around a mouthful of hashbrowns. We were at our usual booth at the diner on Sunkissed Avenue—an old run-down place that had been around since at least the eighties with cracking vinyl seats and hometown charm.

“Mmhmm,” I agreed as I poured a little more syrup on a pancake that was a little dry. I cut off a piece using my fork and shoved it in my mouth.

Blake sucked in a breath. His eyes were doing that thing again where he was unfocused, staring into the middle distance. “Hey,” he said softly. “Are we… you know… gonna talk about it?”

I sighed and rubbed the side of my face with one hand. “What’s there to talk about?” I asked.

He flinched. Just slightly. If I hadn’t known him as well as I did, I never would have noticed. “W’ll, I just… I guess… what changes, and what doesn’t?”

I scrunched my eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

His face reddened. “It, uh… I really…” He swore under his breath. A few times. “I feel like everything just clicked into place. Like, we’ve been friends since we were kids but… these last couple years… I don’t know. It felt like our dynamic shifted. Like we were more than friends.”

“You mean, like, best friends,” I said like I was stating the obvious.

“More than that, even.” He swallowed, the still-developing Adam’s Apple bobbing. He shoved his still-half-waxed bangs out of his face. “And… last night—it finally made sense to me. I finally realized why. Kissing you—holding you—all of that, with you. That’s what the missing piece was, for me. The last piece of that puzzle slotting into place. Last night was incredible and it feels like… like a light turned on. Like I’ve been living in the dark all this time and now I can really see. Like life is in color now, not just greyscale and shadows.” He reached a hand across the table, toward me, but not quite able to reach and touch me. “I think that was it. Last night—”

“Blake. Last night was a mistake,” I said sharply. I rubbed my face with both hands this time. “Don’t you realize? We’re not ready for that kind of commitment. We’re still in high school for God’s sake. And if we do this now, before either of us is actually ready for something like this, we will crash and burn and—and our friendship will be absolutely screwed. I…” I huffed a frustrated sigh out my nose. “I don’t want to lose what we have. We’re so close to going to our academies and graduating high school and… and if we jump into something like that now we could lose everything. Are you really willing to risk that? Are you willing to risk our futures? For what? One night of getting carried away? Being hormonal teenagers?”

Blake’s hand slid back across the table toward him with a quiet squeak. “Don’t… don’t say it like that.” His voice had gone small. Quiet. “You don’t know that we’d be risking our futures.”

“And, what, you do?” I snapped. Then winced. “Look, I’m sorry. That was harsh. I didn’t mean to say it like that. But… we’re best friends. I love you, really. But… but it was a mistake.” I licked my lips, realizing how dry they were. “I… I don’t… I don’t want you like that. Not right now. Maybe someday? But especially not now.”

I dug my wallet out of the pocket of my shorts and pulled some cash out of it, setting it on the table.

“I should head back to grab my car and go home. That should be enough to cover breakfast. If it’s not I can pay you back the difference later,” I said.

I got up.

“Wait—” Blake tried to protest.

But I rushed out of the diner. Despite being sore all over—still, despite the painkillers—I took off at a brisk walk.

—

Many Years Later…

—

“Don’t do this, unless I’m what you really want. Because if we start, I’m not ever going to want it to stop.” Blake paused to take a breath, looking me dead in the eye with those intense, vibrant teal eyes. “So, you’ve gotta choose. Draw the line here, and I won’t cross it. I swear. But if you pick this, it’ll be all of me. All of it. And we both know a lot of that’s not pretty.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “Please… don’t give me this unless that’s what you want. Don’t give me that hope…” A tear fell out of his eye and slid down his face.

I leaned across the couch cushion and pulled him close to me. He met me in the middle with desperate fervor, our lips crashing together the same way they had that night back in high school. Blake’s hands found their way under my shirt the same way they had back then. I balled my fists in the shoulders of his shirt the same way.

Instead of scrambling against each other and haphazardly pulling each other toward his bedroom in his parents’ basement, this time we took measured, easier steps back down the hallway of my small apartment and into my bedroom. I kicked the door shut with magic as Blake’s fingertips darted darlingly under my waistband again. “This okay?”

“More than okay. Please, Blake.”

He stripped me down and I did the same to him before pushing him down onto my bed.

Times had changed. We both had. All I could hope was that I wasn’t making another mistake.

#Redacted ASMR #Redacted Spoilers #Redacted Blake #fic #Starlit Fic #Redacted Bestie #Redacted Audio

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