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asset35-maya · 3 years

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CALYPSO 🐚 ☕️

Part 1 & Part 2

Part 3/3:

Nines froze as the human’s body melded to his. Gavin kept his eyes shut and his lips moving. Then what he’d been bracing for finally came.

Pain.

Sweet glorious pain, blossoming everywhere Nines gripped his body. Gavin was sure that his lips would bruise under the pressure of the reciprocal kiss… that his rib cage would shatter if Nines held him any tighter… that his lungs would burst if they didn’t fill with air soon…

A wolf-whistle broke through the stunned silence in the yard.

Gavin pulled back, light-headed from the rush of oxygen and drain of adrenaline. He didn’t fall though. Didn’t even move an inch. Strong arms and a heated gaze kept him pinned.

“Of all the things in the world… why coffee?”

“I could ask you the same.”

Gavin tucked his head into the crook of Nines’ neck, cuddling closer.

“Hmm… I think weird working hours made me actually need the caffeine… but the bean snobbery just came with the rest of my superiority complexes.”

Nines laughed. It was more of an exhale than an actual laugh, but Gavin was thankful for it nonetheless.

“And you?”

Nines kissed his forehead, prolonging his answer as much as he could before finally relenting with a sigh.

“The reason you’re asking… is because running a café is just about the last thing you’d expect an android like me to be doing. And… that’s your answer. That’s exactly why I wanted it.”

“To subvert expectations…?”

“To not be the terrible thing I was meant to be.”

Gavin’s breath hitched at the depth of emotion in Nines’ voice. He didn’t dare look up to meet his eye and settled for pressing his lips to the razor-sharp jawline.

“I dunno what kinda code runs through you, but believe me when I say you don’t have it in you to be… terrible.”

Nines scoffed at that.

“How can you say that after all the shit you’ve seen me do.”

“I can say that after all the shit I’ve seen others do. Fifteen years on the job, remember? I can vouch that righteous anger is one of the least terrible things out there.”

When Nines didn’t respond, Gavin decided to move the ship out of uncharted waters. He propped himself up on an elbow and ran a hand down the android’s smooth chest.

“In fact, I think it’s downright sexy.”

That did the trick. Nines pressed Gavin into the mattress with a low growl and rolled over him, clamping his mouth over his throat. Their hips aligned and the conversation ended.

“Ralph tried hard but the machine is not working. Ralph is stuck.”

“Move. Let me see.”

Gavin took the filter holder and disconnected it from the espresso machine with a firm tug. He leapt away in shock as water came rushing out. That was absolutely not supposed to happen.

“Er… I’ll get a mechanic friend to take a look later. Why don’t you go check on inventory?”

Ralph shuffled away with a thoroughly sceptical look in his eye. Gavin sighed openly once the android was out of earshot.

The café was in shambles.

The vandals may have gotten as good as they gave… but they’d left their mark. Even with insurance, there was no way such a new establishment could financially recover from a setback like that.

Nines said nothing but seethed with his usual brand of silent, impotent rage.

Unable to bear the slammed car doors and dismissive grunts any longer, Gavin had taken a solo day off to come down to the Calypso and see what could be done.

Not much, without a boatload of money, it seemed.

He sat down with a sigh and Ralph brought over a cup of coffee. Black. A pour-over. He set a bowl of runny eggs and a small basket of bread down on the table too.

Gavin looked up in surprise. Ralph shrugged.

“Nines is telling Ralph that you left without breakfast. Ralph’s equipment is all broken so Ralph just made something simple.”

Touched beyond words, Gavin motioned for Ralph to sit down with him instead of scurrying off into the shadows as per his usual habit.

He took a sip of the hand-poured drip coffee and broke a piece of the bread, dragging it through the eggs, European style. It was utterly homely and reminded of him of some bygone era that he’d needlessly bypassed. He looked up and met Ralph’s mildly unsettling stare.

“So… why the name Calypso? There’s nothing beach-themed or Caribbean about the place.”

“Nines chose it. After the Greek goddess.”

“Huh. And she was the goddess of coffee? Did they even have coffee back in those Hercules Orgy Olympics days?”

“She is a sea nymph. She detained the mythic hero Odysseus on her island for seven years.”

Gavin’s brows furrowed as he swallowed a mouthful of fresh bread.

“Did you bake this?”

“Yes. Ralph is baking daily. Ralph does it first thing in the morning at five. It is very calming to knead the dough and hear the birdsong.”

“It’s phcking delicious. Leavened perfectly. Now back to the name. This goddess nymph creature. She doesn’t sound very nice. She trapped this hero dude, right? Reminds me of my ex. Why name this pretty café after her?”

“Ralph can only imagine that Nines’ fascination with Calypso is the ambiguity of her nature. She can seduce and manipulate, but she can also heal. She is neither good nor evil.”

Gavin drained his coffee and sank back in his chair contemplatively.

“What do you think she is, Ralph?”

Ralph’s LED flickered and his eyes dipped to the table. He knew what Gavin was asking.

“Calypso is immortal. Calypso cannot help but fall in love with every sailor who lands on her shores. Calypso dreams of an eternal husband but lets Odysseus go when it’s clear he wishes to return to his wife. Well, maybe only when the Gods commands her to… but she releases him without harm!”

Gavin waited. Ralph’s head snapped up and he spoke in a short burst.

“Calypso is mythical. It does not matter what she is. Nines is real. Nines is good. Very good. Honest and honourable! Ralph will do anything for Nines!”

Gavin leaned back in his chair with the satisfied smile of an experienced police negotiator who’d gotten exactly where he wanted to.

“What the hell is this? Where did you get so much money from?”

Nines’ amber LED cycled furiously as he took in the sight of the restored café. Ralph was humming to himself as he proudly polished the knobs of their repaired espresso machine.

Gavin led Nines by the hand to look at the repainted walls… the new furniture… the new crockery replacing what had been smashed…

“How…?”

“Oh I just embodied my inner Gen Z and tapped into the power of social justice.”

Nines looked thoroughly nonplussed.

“Crowdfunding, baby. I set up a link and Ralph told everyone on Twitter what happened to him and the café. Well, showed them, more like.”

Nines looked up at the ceiling and his LED slowly returned to a calm blue as he understood… but when he looked back down, his expression wasn’t any less troubled.

“Okay I just saw it. Edited footage from his optical units and a tearful testimonial. Ethically questionable, but clever.”

“Super effective. We overshot our target by a couple hundred bucks.”

“Hmm. People are kind.”

“Yes. They’ve actually done more for you. Look. Connor gave me this earlier today.”

Gavin reached into his jacket and produced an envelope. Nines’ eyes widened as he spotted the official seals of the Mayor’s office, the Manfred Estate and New Jericho.

“Someone started a petition… to let you back behind the helm of the Calypso. It really took off. I don’t know how you didn’t hear-”

“I muted any mentions of myself and the other RKs from showing up in my newsfeed.”

“Then this makes for a good surprise.”

Gavin gently pushed the envelope into the android’s hands and watched him open it with a precise fingernail flicked under the wax. He scanned the contents of the letter in a split second and let it fall through his fingers.

Without warning, he scooped Gavin up and set him down on a polished table for a deep kiss of even deeper gratitude. Ralph turned his back on them with a bashful giggle.

“Baby.”

Nines didn’t respond.

“Hey baby?”

“Hmm...”

There was an intensity to the grumble that had Gavin second-guessing whether to persist. Being Nines’ lover didn’t exempt him from the consequences of asking stupid questions.

“Your thoughts are fucking loud. Just say whatever you want to.”

“Oh. Um… I was actually wondering… I mean, you don’t have to tell me… but like why… um…”

“Why haven’t I turned my badge in yet?”

“Yeah…”

Nines turned on his side and brushed the back of his hand over Gavin’s cheek. The intimate gesture sent a thrill through the human despite how much more intimate they’d just been in the recent past.

“Because I haven’t decided what to do next.”

Gavin’s brows knitted together.

“What do you mean? Aren’t you going to take back your business?”

Nines’ wan smile told him all he needed to know.

“Why?”

“It’s doing really well in Ralph’s hands. He’s capable. He’s creative. And I don’t think it’s fair for me to go back and get in his way all of a sudden.”

“He needs you.”

“He absolutely doesn’t. It’s his café. You helped him get back on his feet and he’s going to be fiiiiine without me.”

“Is it because you don’t wanna be her anymore?”

Nines scrunched his nose up in confusion.

“Who?”

“Calypso. The siren who trapped the Oddball.”

That earned Gavin a heartfelt laugh.

“Odysseus, Gavin.”

“Yeah. You were like Calypso and now you’re letting go of the coffeeshop because you figured it wasn’t meant to be!”

Nines frowned and pretended to check the human for a temperature. Gavin swatted his hands away with mock petulance.

“Fine, I’m probably way off the mark. You tell me what the deal is then!”

Arms snaked around his waist and pulled him flush against the android’s defined chest. Lips brushed the shell of his ear and when Nines spoke next, it was in the huskiest of undertones.

“I’m Odysseus. Not Calypso.”

The realisation was painfully obvious in hindsight.

“I’m the one who’s stuck on an endless journey home. I’ve faced a hundred artificial trials and tribulations. I’ve been a puppet at the hands of false gods. I answer existential questions to prove my self-worth every single day.”

Nines paused to gauge Gavin’s reaction. When he received none, he pressed a brief kiss to the human’s bare shoulder before continuing.

“It’s been a long journey. But not a pointless one. Every metaphorical island I’ve visited has granted me something. From literally running into Ralph in an old building… to defending our turf from other stray androids… getting ourselves off the street… setting up a café from scratch… being arrested on opening day… ending up on the police force with you…”

Gavin recognised that as his cue to squirm around in Nines’ arms and peck him on the lips.

“So who’s Cyclops?”

“What?”

“The story’s starting to come back to me now. Your boy Oddy fought a one-eyed monster on one of the islands he went to. Who’s the Cyclops in your story?”

Nines huffed another breathy laugh.

“Markus, probably. Connor is definitely Helios.”

“Who’s your wife?”

“Definitely not you.”

Gavin elbowed him in the ribs. An action that had more repercussions on him than Nines.

“So which island are you off to next?”

“I have no idea. But it doesn’t matter. I might already be home.”

#reed900 #rk900 #gavin reed #dbh nines #dbh rk900 #gavin900 #gavin x nines #gavin x rk900 #dbh gavin #dbh ralph #dbh markus #dbh connor #dbh #dbh fanfic #dbh writing #my writing

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grannygerd · 3 years

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LYNN GUNN SHARES THE ONE THING SHE WISHES SHE COULD DO OVER AND MORE

The artist also shares the best meal she's ever had and the best fan interaction.

[Photo by: Sasha Samsonova]

PVRIS’ fearless leader Lynn Gunn ponders genres, the best-ever fan-dad interaction and comes clean about what she really wants a do-over on.

AN INSTRUMENT YOU WOULD LIKE TO OWN.

There’s something pretty magical about an old, worn upright piano—if it’s tuned and maintained. Makes for some great ideas. Or maybe a harp. If I had one around, I know I’d force myself to learn it. [Laughs.]

IF GENRES ARE STILL A THING.

In some ways, yes. Others, no. I think putting artists into specific genres is starting to be defined less on the instrumentals [and] production and being defined now through the culture, mindset [and] methods they’re created in. So many “genres” are being mixed and combined to create entirely new soundscapes that really blur the lines and make them hard to pin down. I think in each of those, there are specific threads—in the community, collaborators, etc.—that the idea and specifications of what makes a “genre” seem like it’s being reimagined.

In a perfect world, we’d just listen to music and not have to think about where it “belongs.” I still think compartmentalizing and categorizing is human nature, so it’s a hard thing to break. But it can be extremely hindering, not only for artists but for listeners. Music should be able to exist on its own terms.

IF MUSIC WASN’T AN OPTION.

There are a lot of things I’d love to try even while music is an option. I’ve always been heavily involved, when allowed, in our creative direction—music videos, graphic design, merchandise, album artwork, photos, etc.—so that would be a fun overall pursuit to creative direct for other artists or even just different brands or companies. I think any other creative pursuit, leaning in the visual world, would be the other option.

THE DAD JOKE YOU ACTUALLY LAUGHED AT.

Ha! It was my actual dad’s joke. He’s pretty old school and present in real life, so he doesn’t use his phone or text often, but usually once every few weeks while I’m away, he’ll send me a really funny text. The last one he sent was: “Just saw a road work sign on the way home that said ‘Be prepared to stop.’ If I’m not prepared, should I not stop? Just wondering.”

THE TIME YOU GOT REALLY ANGRY ONSTAGE.

Anger is hard to think of, but I have no problem finding frustration, and that was with myself. I was working through a lot of vocal issues for pretty much the entire touring cycle for our second record [All We Know Of Heaven, All We Need Of Hell]. [I] had to get up onstage every night with a voice that could only really do 20% of what I’m normally capable of. Some nights were brutal. I got so mad at myself onstage, but I tried my best to hide it. It was one of the most challenging and frustrating things to work through, but it taught me so much, and I’m very grateful for what [I’ve learned].

THE PLACE YOU HAVE YET TO VISIT.

I’m dying to go to Iceland. One of my friends went recently and said it was truly magical. Egypt is on my list, too. I was fascinated with ancient Egypt as a kid and still have a strange affinity toward it.

THE BEST MEAL YOU EVER HAD.

Brian [MacDonald, bass/keyboards] and I strive to eat a delicious meal wherever we are in the world. We make it a priority in every city to find great restaurants. But recently, one of the best meals I’ve had that really stood out was at my friend’s home: It was just a bunch of assorted grilled veggies and rice, but it was seasoned so well and made with so much love. You could honestly taste it.

THE THING YOU RECENTLY WITNESSED THAT MADE YOU THINK THE WORLD IS GOOD.

I try to see it every day. Even down to the smallest things. Simply smiling to a stranger you’re walking past or having a lighthearted exchange with a barista [or] waiter. Even simply getting onstage and looking at the crowd some days, the fact that hundreds of people can gather together and be unified by something that gives them joy—music—and exist peacefully and be unified in those environments, for the most part, is a clear sign of that.

I think at our core, we really are good at heart, and all we want is to connect with each other. Some of us are just harder to crack [and] more cautious than others. I think a lot of people have a hard time looking away from their own struggles to even notice [that] witnessing the good has to start in your own self a lot of the time.

THE MOST AWESOME FAN INTERACTION.

It was actually the most awesome interaction with a fan’s dad! We had a long flight to Belgium one day. A fan’s dad was one of the flight attendants and recognized us and upgraded our entire band and crew to first class. It was a godsend because the night before, some of us had to drive from New York City to New Hampshire and back overnight because we’d forgotten a legal document that we’d need at customs when we arrived in Belgium. Everyone was a bit sleep-deprived and about to board for a six-plus-hour flight, so we were extremely grateful for that.

THE THING YOU WOULD LIKE A DO-OVER ON.

My style, hair and makeup choices from the entire White Noise era. Seriously. Insert [the] world’s biggest facepalm ever. I don’t know what I was thinking. I cringe when I see old pictures sometimes. [Laughs.]

This 10 Topics interview appeared in issue 374.

July 29th, 2021

#alt press #alternative press #pvris #lynn gunn #lynn gvnn #lyndsey gunnulfsen

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angelic-serenade · 4 years

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Alastor + disaster cook! S/O

headcanons

✧༝┉┉┉┉┉˚*❋ ❋ ❋*˚┉┉┉┉┉༝✧

gif, original work and characters do not belong to me

you could not cook to save your life

any attempt at cooking would result in certain failure in the best case scenario and 5.4 magnitude earthquake damage in the worst

sure, you could make edible pasta and if you really put your best efforts into it, acceptable omelette too

but anything past that level of complexity was simply out of your league, a lost cause to put it mildly

don't you even think about making a cake, that shit's dangerous

as they say: as above so below

when you landed in Hell and found yourself joining the Happy Hotel soon after, you came to find out your culinary skills had not magically improved

which is quite ironic since Charlie had made you head chef of the hotel

the string of curses which had left your lips upon hearing the news had been legendary, even for Hell

you adored the demon princess with your whole heart (or whatever was left of it anyway), bUT REALLY CHARLIE? YOU DO NOT GIVE A GUN TO A CHILD AND EXPECT CASUALTIES NOT TO HAPPEN

at this point you were certain she was subconsciously auto-sabotaging

either way, you didn't have the heart to tell her no, so you decided to put your heart and soul into trying to learn how to properly cook, which didn't turn out to be the ideal choice of words since you were in Hell and your soul was probably rotten to the core

at least, nobody could say you hadn't tried your damn best

and hey! some days your cooking hadn't even been completely sickening

you decided to stick to easy, “safe” dishes though, you know, just to be sure

so pasta and eggs were definitely a thing

a constant and repetitive thing to be precise

you were trying your best, okay? nobody in your place with your limited set of skills would have taken the job, but you did and you deserved recognition for that feat alone

or a fucking donkey hat for your skyrocketing dumbness levels

things were not so bad at first

both Charlie and Vaggie were very supportive, each one of them in their own way - even though you had totally seen Charlie trying to swallow pure unadulterated fear that one time you had announced you wanted to try to cook something more elaborate

Angel Dust on the other hand... hadn't been as considerate as to lie to your face about what he thought of your cooking

"fuck me doll, this shit's disgusting"

*insert the I don't have friends they disappoint me vine here*

Vaggie had proceeded to give Angel quite the earful while Charlie tried her best to cheer you up

you went full hermit mode on them for two days after that

you were proud of yourself, handling criticism so well

anyway, the cycle kept repeating, with the only difference that most days Angel would grab something to eat outside of the hotel and join you during meals only to blankly stare at the plates and silvery

Charlie had tried to shield you from the truth, but you weren't that stupid

you respected Angel's choice, really, you did, and you had decided to be the bigger person among the two

that's why you began to put a lil bit of laxative into his portions whenever he decided to grace your efforts and actually eat your "disgusting cooking"

y’know just to spicy things up a little

at least now he had a valid reason to complain

with the whole fiasco on live TV and the sudden and suspicious appearence of the one and only Radio Demon at your doorstep, however, things started going haywire

Alastor's presence was eeirly demanding and unsettlingly charmimg at the same time

so it was only natural for you to gravitate the fuck away from him whenever you could

you always acted politely, greeting him whenever you bumped into him through the corridors of the hotel, but you only went as far as to appear courteous because you didn't want for him to go Hannibal Lecter on you. thanks, no thanks

“and what can you do my feminine fellow?”

“I can suck your dick!”

you had snorted a bit at that which immediately shifted the strawberry pimp's attention to yourself

“and what about you, pretty dame? I take it you're in charge of the kitchens around here?”

dressed in your chef attire, you were going to meekly answer him, but before you could, roaring laughter erupted in the room. it belonged to the one and only slutty spider you found oh so irritating

in the fraction of seconds, Alastor snapped his neck at an unnatural angle to stare at the spider with a strained smile on his face

needless to say, the cursed image would forever haunt your traumatized psyche

“hasn't your mother taught you it is rude to interrupt a conversation which you have no part in? that just won't do!”

static filled the air and you feared you were going to implode if the heavy pressure didn't lift off soon enough, so you decided to take action

“ugh... yes, I'm the head chef! but, well, I... could actually use some practice and proper training?”

you hated how uncertain you sounded, but Angel's comments and your own dissatisfaction with your culinary products made you quite self-conscious about your skills

“don't fret your pretty little head about it, my dear! I, for one, am a culinary connaisseur and wonderful chef, if I do say so myself. I'll be ecstatic to guide you through your training!”

how you'd be able to handle his booming voice during hours and hours of practice was your first and main concern, but you had never been one to refuse the chance to finally prove the people who had criticized you wrong *cough cough* Angel Dust

since that day, Alastor began to personally give you cooking lessons

he was exuberant and pretty sly when it came to veiled jabs about your dreadful cooking, but he really took his time to help you out

which you had been both grateful and suspicious about

“now, we can't have our future patrons starving to death, can we?”

he was strangely patient and an overall good teacher too (emphasis on overall)

he guided you step by step through each dish, simultaneously showing off his own flawless culinary skills

you hated that you daily found yourself boosting his already GIGANTIC ego, but you couldn't help it. you could only dream about reaching that level of artistry in cooking

he always came up with creative recipes to test your limits and cooked for you in order to make you more familiar with different tastes. his mother’s were your favorites, jambalaya being his one true specialty

he had blindfolded you once and proceeded to present you with various samples of spices, oilments and all kinds of food so that you could acquaint yourself with the smells and flavors of the ingredients and figure out yourself which ones would best suit a certain dish

saying you were hesitant at first was an understatement, because you know? being completely at the mercy of a sadistic serial killer who had terrorized the seven circles of hell? not even being able to see him? not on your bucket list

he had tried to ease your nervousness with the whole “if I wanted to hurt anyone here, I would have done so already” thing, but it was getting kind of old pretty fast

“if I had been one to play with fire, I'd have joined a circus”

he found your sense of humor as endearing your sheer presence

(when he rolled up his sleeves to cook, you felt like you could catch fire any minute, you were a slut for strong skinny arms)

yes, Alastor had always loved to show off his own impeccable skills but he unexpectedly found himself enjoying the moments spent in your company too

he relished in seeing you fail again and again, but he also admired the way you always managed to bring yourself back up to your feet each time

he had yet to fully understand if it was foolishness or stubbornness to guide your steps

either way, you turned out to be his favorite form of entertainment in the hotel!

no matter how many slights would he send your way, you'd always manage to find an appropriate remark that made his permanent smile stretch a little more in sheer amusement

“oh dear, this beef is so undercooked one could still hear the poor beast’s lament”

“the only noise I hear is the obnoxious ramblings of an arrogant boomer”

he wasn't technically a boomer but it was always so satisfying to irk him with terms he had no knowledge of

during your cooking lessons, when the only thing left to do with a dish was wait and pray for the best, you'd come to talk about everything and anything

he'd talk to you about his precious New Orleans as he remembered it and you'd fill him in on recent historical/social developments of your time

he always looked so taken when you shared with him that modern knowledge and it made you feel useful for a change

it was, dare you say it, almost adorable how he'd ask you countless questions about your home town, the catastrophes of the last century and had there been any other war since his death?

the topic switches almost made you dizzy though

once or twice, when the timing allowed, he'd even indulge in a musical show to pass time

on the days your mood soured because of a particularly complicated recipe or bad result, he'd drag you along and dance until you were so distracted by the absurdness of the circumstances that you forgot about your previous sadness

with time, his musical shows became more frequent as he realized you'd always offer him a genuine smile after his flashy performances

it was out of personal indulgence, not because he liked the way his music always seemed to cheer you up

he'd not been vocal about the way he tried to comfort you, but you were grateful nonetheless

the first time you managed to succesfully complete one of his complicated recipes, you had almost cried

“now, now deary, under my watchful eye, it was only a matter of time until you'd finally blossom into a fine cook!”

“Alastor can I... can I hug you?”

and how could he say no to such an adorable expression? he found himself stunned into silence, not being able to tell you yes either, therefore you slowly came closer as if trying not to scare a wild animal away

when Alastor passively stood before you, not moving away, you wrapped your arms around him

he really was such a dorky noodle

he didn't relax into the hug, but he kept still as you relished in the moment and let the pressure you had hoarded for months now loose

Alastor proceeded to show off your dish during dinner and even Angel Dust could do nothing but shut up and dig in

The all powerful Radio Demon was simply so proud of your progress - not that he doubted you'd prevail in the end, thanks to his expertise and guidance

from that moment onward things only got better and even if you didn't necessarily need Alastor's help anymore, neither of you ever mentioned going your separate ways

you were both secretly glad for the silent agreement

friendly banter and dad jokes were a daily occurrence and with your new-found confidence in the field, you'd always bite back showing off new delicious dishes instead than words

you still had trouble every now and then, but Alastor was always there to help you out

not that you'd ever hear the end of it if you actually asked him for help

“what was that, my darling? is the mightiest chef in Hell having trouble in Paradise?”

you had noticed however that he'd started sneaking glances your way more than usual lately and he also started following you around wherever you went in the hotel. he became your shadow both inside and outside of the kitchen

the attention soon became unnerving, even more so when you'd go in the kitchen only find a different flower on the counter each morning

you came to realize that Alastor's advances were rather old fashioned, but you would amuse the dork and yourself for a while before taking charge

gifts became an ordinary occurrence as well as praise and you preferred not to think about what praise could do to you when it came from Alastor

he enjoyed your reactions to his flattering words a little too much, he had to admit

you had had enough of his childish antics one day and you decided to finally put your plan into action

“Al, can you come here for one sec?”

he wasn't particularly fond of the nickname, but you just loved to get under his skin as much as he did when it came to you

“what can I do for you, my darling chef?”

“here, I have a gift for you”

he looked uncharacteristically unsure of what to do but slightly amused as well. in the end curiosity took the best of him and he finally decided to open the box you had handed to him rather unceremoniously

“what is this dear?”

the apron you had chosen was a perfect fit for your long boi

“read it, please”

“kiss the cook? well, if you ask me so nicely, I just might have to”

he then proceeded to peck your cheek and you swore you could have fainted right there and then by the sheer sweetness of the gesture

it hadn't exactly been what you had planned, but you weren't going to complain

your relationship was bound to be full of surprises apparently

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steve0discusses · 3 years

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S4 Ep40: Fixing Dartz By Not Actually Fixing Dartz

Yo Merry Christmas, I’m quarantined as hell, so I’m just streaming and playing video games until my problems get vaccinated away.

So lets just write about Yugioh because hell a lot didn’t go as planned this year (can you believe my 2020 goal for this blog was to finish ALL OF YUGIOH?) but although my goals were halved and quartered--With this blog I don’t freakin care anymore, and somehow...that’s how it’s one of the few creative bastions I have left standing.

Wild.

I’m so done with the internet, I’m not even updating twitter right now.

But hell yes, lets update the Yugioh blog.

So onward, with the last episode of this season. We last left off with Yami getting devoured by a hate tornado which is just...a lot of 2020 energy. This whole season, in a nutshell is just...2020 energy, honestly. And this tornado is just twitter. It’s just twitter incarnated.

Rather than try to save himself and consequently fix his ghost problem, Yugi has decided to keep himself haunted by fixing Pharaoh’s inner emotional problems. Really is something, isn’t it? To do low key therapy for the ghost that basically...put you in therapy? Yugi can help fix his problems but like...he’s still a mess of problems because of it. Now Yugi shouldn’t walk away, of course, that’s effed up, but it is a little irony there.

Pharaoh, of course, has decided to submit to the hate tornado, and sees it as a manifestation of his own anger and bad vibes.

Isn’t that’s the real problem we have when we have to confront the feelings we don’t want to confront? Where we tend to feel guilt and hate for being upset, which is just sort of a thing humans naturally tend to do--instead of actually working on controlling what you do with those feelings so that way we stop lashing out and setting everyone on fire in the burger restaurant?

Like Pharaoh should be learning to count to 10, not trying to just remove his anger. This has sort of been his problem for a while--he assumes he can just...delete his rage. That’s not a thing. You can’t do that unless you have very specific medication through a doctor, and that’s why he keeps failing at it.

And this goes back to S1 when he “fixed” Kaiba and like nothing really happened. Pharaoh’s decided to wipe himself and like...it’s up to your own interpretation but like...in my book that Pharaoh brand clean cycle does freakin nothing. It gets reversed like constantly.

(read more under the cut)

So Yugi decides to hit up Plan B, which is, honestly? Not a great message. But it’s the anime trope that we keep going back to because it’s the catch-all to make any anime protagonist into the good guy.

Like...

...

.......Yeah I’m gonna talk about it.

this is a trope that is so common it’s sort of ubiquitous with the genre. You gotta have the protagonist give up on their own strength, and be lifted up by their pals at the very last second--it’s like the anime hero’s journey.

But I really don’t like it. I don’t like the power of freindship. I’ll say it.

Because there’s some things you have to handle on your own. And I don’t think it’s a bad thing to have your main character show strength and show character development by doing things by themselves at the last minute. We already know that Pharaoh’s a good pal and believes in his friends--but like...does he believe in himself?

I can’t tell you if he does by how this episode goes, that’s for sure.

The whole point of this tornado is to see Yami discover his own strength and overcome his weaknesses...and yet he still relies on that good ol chestnut, friend powers.

Like last episode I feel like they did this already and it was way better--other people offered their help willingly, then Pharaoh got to have a big ol fight solo in the clouds to prove he was strong on his own as well. We finished the whole season last episode, so what are we accomplishing now other than a last minute secret boss fight?

Why would Yami doubt himself now? It’s weird. Yugi’s right to have mentioned “yo didn’t we figure this all out in desert hell???” because...we did. Yami is retreading old territory.

And that’s a thing that happens when you write, PS, when Yugi was saying “we already did this!” Yugi was reminding the writers of the show “we did this already. Like guys. We did this.” and sometimes when you’re writing, your characters will do that to you, and you should always be paying attention to cues like that.

Anyway, he vanquishes the hate tornado by thinking fondly of all of his buddies, and then the storm that should have been over the Atlantic Ocean, as according to the dub, parted in the sky above California.

GEOGRAPHY, the secret final boss of this season of Yugioh. And they failed. In a big way.

Yugi holds out his hands in real life, and pretends to hold a ghost that isn’t there. Now I want all of you to do this position IRL. Like that. OK. It looks like Yugi is holding onto a pair of ghost boobies.

Meanwhile, actual and very literal ghosts with very real bodies show up and start picking up Dartz and like...

...The ending of Dartz’ storyline is a TRIP! Lets just get into it!

This cursed dog. I can’t stand how this dog is drawn. I hate it so much that I actually love it, and if I saw this in a thrift store I would impulse buy it and hang it over my fireplace mantle in a golden gilded frame.

AHHH????

WHAT????

He electrocuted you with LIGHTNING! He killed your...everyone! He killed EVERYONE!

Also girl, how are you HERE? Like Physically??? I saw you die! TWICE!!

Yugioh is on SOMETHING with this one, and I think that “something” is called “we weren’t allowed to give you a PG-13 sad ending.”

This is just the freakin weirdest thing. We have a character who is worse than Darth Vadar, and this show has pulled so many dark things in it’s history, but it just...

...it can’t punish Dartz at all, and I don’t know what they were thinking.

They have been poetic before--Pegasus got his eyeball gruesomely ripped straight out of his face, nearly got murdered by Bakura, and was not able to resurrect his wife. Noah hella died, had to give up his plan to rule the world and be a real boy, and had to murder his own Dad even, the moment he finally made a bond with his brothers. Marik had to lose all control of his body, live helplessly inside Tea’s bod for an entire season and accept the fact that he murdered his Dad and now has to live on without any of the magic that ever made him powerful in a broken world and a broken family he will never understand.

Dartz though?

If he does get some sort of poetic retribution, it will be off-screen because we don’t have time for it.

And that’s kind of a bummer because this is usually something Yugioh is kinda good at! I enjoy when this show goes dark, this is a great opportunity to do it...and they didn’t.

It was just the wettest fart Yugioh has ever played on me.

Just the wettest. Nice knowing you, Dartz. Glad you were here to murder everyone on Earth and then totes get away with it because we’ll just pretend like the Orichalcos was a totally different person--although it’s not. Because Yami JUST told us that it doesn’t work that way. Yami JUST told us that the Orichalcos was using his own pain and his own hate against him.

It’s not a separate person, it’s the same!

And to suggest that Yami vanquishing that hate tornado somehow cured Dartz of all his sins, is some upper level Jesus stuff that I don’t think this show would normally want to tread on. Straight up. Yami is a pretty poor stand in for Jesus Christ, and I feel I can straight up say that because it’s Christmas.

...what HAPPENED in the writing room with this one? Did they just run out of episodes? There are less episodes this seasons than other seasons have been.

Was it edited for the English version? Because I...kind of doubt they could edit that much to make it that drastically different.

I’m just boggled. Like usually I’m of the opinion to let the writers do whatever they do because I do not know what was going on behind the scenes, and I’m still of the opinion that they did the best of what they could do with the resources they were given.

BUT, this episode just feels...hella sus. I feel like they just had to make an ending. Any ending. Get an ending on there and finish the season before the power goes out and then run away with whatever paycheck you get (because in entertainment--you might not get one).

Seto and Joey made it completely back to the KaibaCopter before Tea was like “I mean it’s been 15 minutes, guys, you really didn’t hear him behind you? You really lost his tiny pitter patter of his little shoes? The little shoes that make a little tinkly noise like a kitty cat’s collar? A little kitty cat collar that he also wears around his neck? His neck that has a golden pyramid held by a tow chain that makes a little clanky clank when it hits his two belts covered in metal rivets that makes a little singsong clippity cloppity noise every time he so much as breathes? He’s a walking talking Bell of Notre Dame, you lost him?”

and Seto was like “Oh damn it, I know he’s the same size as Mokuba, and so I should be really good at not losing this kid but also have you noticed how many times I’ve lost Mokuba???”

Joey just looked into the distant tomb hut and said “......You’re kidding me.” and decided to immediately run back because Joey Wheeler knows what’s up.

Had Joey Wheeler actually made it back to Atlantis, he would have seen Dartz and his entire family hugging it out and would have immediately socked the guy straight in the dick and it would have been a great way to finally give Dartz just one single consequence for murdering everyone on Earth but you know, I did not write this episode.

I’m really glad that in the same episode that Yami called upon the powers of friendship, his friends hella ditched him to vanquish in a watery grave.

This is wild!

Seto’s words were “Good riddance” as the island went down, and you could not tell if he was talking about the island or about Yugi.

That and Kaiba Really Hates Islands. LOVES watching an island go up in smoke (or underwater, in this case). Loves nothing more.

Seto, your powers of friendship were just used to save the world.

Apparently the standard for friendship power is...not much. But they did just make Yami, of all people, do a literal Jesus in Gethsemane so...the bar for morality is just not very high in this anime.

Did the Great Leviathan stitch Weevil Underwood’s body back together or something? This is...

...Yo Weevil are you immortal now? Are you the big bad in S5 that comes out of nowhere and kick’s Bakura’s ass back to the Shadow Realm like Marik in S2? Because I’ll accept that.

I won’t like it, but I’ll accept that.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

look at those toddler shoes worn by a full adult! Weevil Underwood is so over-designed for a super low-level miniboss and I low key love that they love Weevil Underwood this freakin much.

Of all people, Weevil Freakin Underwood.

Listen, listen, listen.

If Mikey was still alive, he’d be older.

He’d have been older in that Leviathan tummy, he’d be Alister’s age but he’s not. He’s uh...

Yo show that got real dark. Show this is what you should have done to Dartz. I love this sort of dark ending for a rude asshole who is going to try to put his family back together although it’s completely impossible--this would have been a good Dartz ending. But...whatever. It’s fine.

We’ll...let Dartz have his family back, it’s fine.

Meanwhile, in the first actual picture of California that really feels like California, Valon immediately accepts the fact that Mai left him.

This is also a great dark ending for Valon. To accept that the people in your life have moved on and that you, too, must move on, even if it’s alone. This would have been an excellent ending for Dartz.

And then Mai just bounces. She does not seek out Joey Wheeler, because she’s like “I have to fix some stuff, I have some serious problems, and it’s going to take a really long time before I can get over my toxic past.” and just freakin leaves us. Sorry, anyone who was hoping Joey and Mai would smooch at any point, it’s uh...it’s not legal yet.

And TBH I don’t even know if Valon is legal either, and the show decided to not reveal that to us, or allow them to smooch.

And as for Raphael? Uh...

They didn’t bother, I think. I didn’t cap it, at least. But we did get at least one person washed up on a beach.

It would be Kuribo.

I talk about 2020 energy a lot in this season but like...wild 2020 energy here, to be so freakin chill and can I say--delighted--to be stranded on an abandoned island.

The show does not elaborate any more on if the cards are dead or alive, or if the games we are playing are with actual people forced to play these horrible games for us. It’s best that they don’t tell us. Just like Mr Mime. No one wants to know.

Mr Mime as in the Pokemon Mr Mime, PS, I just realized that there is a mime in this universe and he’s just...I don’t really want to know about that guy, either. All mimes honestly, I don’t want to know anything at all about all mimes.

Luckily, for Yugi, Kaiba didn’t fly very far from this island, and so we don’t have to have some sort of weird season cliffhanger where we guess how long Yugi can live off of coconuts (2 hours. he would last 2 hours on this island)

Although it would be such a cliffhanger to wonder what Yugi’s hair would look like after that. the same, right? Like it’s the same amount of grease and nasty stuff? He’d just have his roots growing out?

And there they go--goodbye Dues Ex Machina Cards. Either the show can’t keep you on board because you’re hella broken, or the three dragon warriors died, or retired, or whatever it is when a card is like “I’m done with humanity, please leave me alone and never call me again.”

Did Seto low key just break up with his side piece just now? Tragic.

Remember that time that Yugi was so bouyant he was armpits out of the water in S2? It’s crazy how bouyant Yugi Muto is. Like if someone did one of those anime cross-sections of his anatomy, he needs like 3 or 4 duck shaped pool floaties in there.

Now, full disclosure, I have written the ending to this post 3 times because tumblr keeps deleting this post out of my drafts folder (I shouldn’t be writing this in my drafts folder, being real, it’s been really buggy lately, and I’m gonna have to make a different solution to this) So I’m just...

...gonna end on this note. This exciting note that Bakura is next. Finally, Bakura (JK of course, because apparently Bakura doesn’t show up for half the season. Bro told me this and offered that we should skip that filler and of course I told him that is not the point of this blog and we will be watching all of that gruesome filler piece by piece. Because for someone, out there--that filler is their favorite episode. I don’t know who you are--but get ready for filler.)

Now Yami could just...call up Bakura at any point at his house and make an appointment to end the world...but maybe S5 will go a different direction? We shall see.

Anyway, that’s it for this Season! Thanks all for sticking with us when I just...didn’t have an upload schedule for this entire year. It’s been a YEAR. But, I’m hoping for good things in the future, and that things will adjust back to a normal upload schedule and that...hopefully tumblr won’t die or something weird like that.

I’m gonna finish the Full Metal alchemist Live Action movie next (we’re like halfway through) and then after that--onward to to S5! See y’all there!

Stay safe!

(and here’s the link to read these in chrono order if you’re new here:

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

#ygo #yugioh #Yu-Gi-Oh #yugi muto #yami muto #joey wheeler #tea gardner #seto kaiba #tristan taylor #mokuba kaiba #alister #valon #Mai Valentine #Weevil underwood #Dartz #Rex Raptor #S4 #Ep40 #Yo I cannot believe these ruthless writers just let Dartz off the hook wowowow

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toaheadcanons · 3 years

Text

General reaction time! Again, this will contain HEAVY SPOILERS FOR TALES OF ARCADIA AND RISE OF THE TITANS. SKIP THIS IF IT GOT THROUGH YOUR FILTER.

So, let's begin. Firstly, as beautifully visually executed as the movie was, I think we all could tell the full original team wasn't working on this part of the TOA project. Setting that aside for a moment though. Trust me on this.

I was SHOCKED at the animation quality this time around. TOA has almost always had pristine graphics, and a movie budget took things to a while new level. Well done, TOA animation team!! 🥰🥰🥰

The MagiScience Camelot. Can I live there? Also, do they live there?? It's sort of unclear, did everyone just decide after the end of Wizards to form their own little bubble or???

I'm curious as to whether the time loop could result in a sort of 'duplication glitch' for the Amulet. I'm putting my speculative stuff in yet another post, because WOW that ending gave my lil' brain a lot to work with

There were so many fantastic scenes intermixed with the not-so-great points. The Best Man scene. That whole sequence in which there's some Blaaarghy hinting sandwiched into the scene between the couples comforting each other. I just 🥺 I know there are a few dull points here, but that whole ten minute span is just so on point. I really wish that accuracy to the characterizations carried all the way through.

I really, REALLY need to know how much time passed between Wizards and ROTT. Really really. Like I know the kids were 15-16 at the start of season 1, and 16-17 by the end of season two, but from there time becomes quite nebulous. I'm speaking in age specifically for our human characters here, as we still have no idea about how the Akiridion, Wizard-Immortal and Trollish life cycles actually work. Like I get that now they're later teens to early adults in age, but considering some of the err, plot choices, I think it's important to know?

I'd love a series, a comic, hell a set of shorts even, where Steve gets some main character time. I really wasn't a fan of him being sidelined the whole time. Give me my Creepslayerz please, Mr. Netflix.

I've started to look at this less like a movie and more like Predacons Rising, a made-for-TV movie/special finale episode. Except, knowing DreamWorks, we also may be seeing the beginnig iteration of another "[name here] of Berk" style of different series, set in different points in time. ESPECIALLY with that ending.

Speaking of, I know a lot of folks were quite upset with the end. I was too for a while, but those braincells just keep on bouncing around, and I have an inkling that however they decide to show us the potential/alternate timeliness, we'll see them somehow.

I'm actually quite excited about the idea of Trollhunter!Toby. From the beginning, I always thought he'd turn out to unknowingly be half-Troll or a changeling or something. Boy has a natural inclination for stones and crystals, the teeth issues, his stature and body-shape, hell, he seems at home in the scenes in Trollmarket throughout the series.

Please, Mr. Netflix, show us what his armor looks like? 👉👈🥺

Okay, picking back up on this not being the original creative team. There were some significant missed opportunities here, not only to draw on previous character development [Steve is a knight, Toby could have used his hammer instead of the glowing sticky-magic, etc.] but also to draw on ideas from The Book that would have gone REALLY well here! Lol and here I was hoping for the "what counts as a bridge" scene. 🤡

For those who don't know, Trollhunters in its original form is a book that reads much like a movie. It features a much different Jim, a much different many characters in fact. There were actually a few references I did catch! If you haven't had a chance to read it and you'd like a palate cleanser, READ IT. Oh it's so good I so wish more people read the book-

Aaaaanyway, back to the topic. The reason I'm looking at this more like a special than a movie is because is feels like it should have been a special. Or a miniseries even, like Wizards. This was a bit much to pack into a <2h timeframe.

BUT, I also feel like they could have waited to spring a plot like this on us until they had a concrete "next steps" plan. If they had, say, separated the beginning of the loop from the film, and used it as the beginning of a Trollhunter!Toby [Insert media type here] teaser/trailer, I have a feeling I'd be more happy with it. Also, why replace Anton's voicework for the audition speech? That I am truly upset with. The loop itself is actually quite intriguing, though.

All in all, I'm honestly pretty satisfied with the film. It was brutal, don't get me wrong, and for future reference I'd like to know how much it cost Netflix to get it a Y7 rating. That said, the parts that were done well were done VERY well. Im interested to see, when the series crops back up, what the true plan is moving forward, but until then my name is my bond. I make TOA headcanons, and that's exactly what I'm going to do. Thank you all for getting on this roller coaster, it was one hell of a ride and I hope we get to do it again soon 😁

#rott #trollhunters #rise of the titans spoilers #rise of the titans #tales of arcadia spoilers #toa #tales of arcadia

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ghostmartyr · 4 years

Text

SnK 130 Thoughts

My opening joke is going to be a brief description of Historia’s circumstances, because it requires no creative energy on my part to make it a joke.

To review!

107 introduces the concept of Historia being a breeding factory. This is suggested as part of Zeke’s 50-year plan to establish Paradis without it being genocided to death. At the end of 107, present-day Historia is shown to be pregnant.

At the very beginning of 108, the Military Police openly discuss how this is kind of weird. And while the mood is largely in favor of Historia having children so the Founding Titan stays in Paradis control, she’s having a child at a very inconvenient time for everyone, because she’s supposed to eat Zeke before he can cause trouble.

In 114, it is revealed that Zeke’s actual plan is to sterilize all Eldians so they die off and stop being a problem. By virtue of five seconds of pondering, this falls apart when you consider that Zeke’s plan is the beginning of Historia being prepped to breed children. Having any royal children would actively interfere with Zeke’s ability to guarantee that his choices for the Founding Titan would be the last.

In 130, Historia is shown to still be going along with the 50-year concept, and no one is stopping her except Eren, who is against Zeke’s sterilization plan (which a child would stop), and who says that Historia making this kind of choice is what’s driving him to genocide.

To which Historia suggests a baby.

-draws a line back to 107-

-underlines Eren’s angry feelings about all of this-

This would make sense if it were live action and the actress were pregnant.

Not within the story or anything.

But an explanation would at least exist.

I should take up drinking. Or cocaine. Or something.

There’s virtually zero content this chapter. Half of it is just Eren going on rampage. This is how you know it’s the end of a volume for a story that’s ending. The subtle ways the story beats come firing at a machine gun’s pace before slowing to a deliberately controlled crawl.

Surprise, Liberio’s no longer a factor!

-surprised Pikachu faces-

-everyone officially burnt out on violence-

-except Eren-

-this is a problem because Eren is indeed causing the most violence, and violence would probably be a great help in stopping him, so having someone on that boat thinking they should just fucking stab him would be just a little encouraging that’s all I’m saying-

Then we dash straight into a slightly more visible flashback to Eren’s memories of the future being unlocked, and get to the development of his genocide plan.

It isn’t much of a plan.

It mostly still involves genocide.

But worse.

He’s basically going to do what Karl did, only when he tells people on Paradis that all the humans beyond their borders are dead, he won’t be lying. He is keeping the genocide and the mind-wiping, though. In this spirit of how well that worked out previously.

This is a choice.

A bad one.

Even by Eren’s current standards.

This is especially impressive given that he has none.

Alrighty then. Uh.

Here we have Eren’s mission statement. That’s nice?

“The only way to put a final end to the cycle of revenge born from hate... is to remove that history of hate from this world and bury it in the ground, civilization and all.”

Legitimately, Eren’s entire plan amounts to, “The First King was right about everything except not actually making us the last humans alive on the planet.”

See, Zeke’s plan of killing all Eldians off is evil and bad, and Eren is disgusted at the very idea of going along with it.

Eren’s plan of killing everyone else off, regardless of who they are, is a good one.

As is manipulating all of his friends into following it, telling them he hates them, fairly directly letting one of them know this is basically all her fault, and.

Look, I’m sorry, but what the fuck?

I mean.

Fuck, do I have to go full Madoka on main?

Here is a brief summary of the third Madoka Magica movie, for those who do not understand the reference: Person who has spent her entire life torturing herself to save one girl feels like she didn’t save the one girl hard enough, and compensates for this mental breakdown by turning into the literal Devil.

These are decisions that can be explained by trauma. The character in question has been through a lot, and arguing that she’s too emotionally stable to undo the universe is harder to do than it feels like it should be.

She still takes the established order of the series and 90% of the movie and drops it in the shredder, leaving the characters who are around and aware of this move to stare, aghast, as the new world order is established.

To catch up the uninitiated, when the new world order is established in the series, it’s a happy ending that ties up all the struggles everyone has been through. Not necessarily neatly, but they’re honored, and the cast continues on.

The new world order of the movie is one character screaming “NO” in various cries for help as she pounds her heart into the pavement and the pavement is everyone else’s quality of life.

Anyway, the current reason everyone on the planet hates Paradis enough to attack it is because Eren publicly murdered civilians at a festival with international significance, including the one Eldian in the world with good publicity.

Things weren’t pretty for anyone, but Eren snatches the ball out of the court and throws it into the backyard with vicious guard dogs. He decides to bring everyone into a war, and he decides the initial terms. He makes a violent declaration, and ever since, the story has been devoted to people catching up to him to ask what the fuck his problem is.

As opposed to the usual routine of catching up to him to steal him back from whoever’s kidnapping him that week.

Eren’s the direct cause of this mess.

Fucking Marley doesn’t help, what with their hundred years of brainwashing and titanizing to actively keep the hate of Paradis alive -- but Eren’s the one who turns it into an issue of national immediacy when everyone around him is trying to find more time.

All the while going, “look what you made me do”

Right.

Where it breaks down for me isn’t that it makes no sense for Eren to have fallen this far. This entire series has been destroying him one piece at a time, and I do feel like you could have a very powerful conclusion with Humanity’s Hope turning to Humanity’s Despair, and the people he once inspired having to bear the torch themselves instead of forcing one person to carry their entire future.

Hell, that could still happen. I would still love an ending where Mikasa wraps the scarf around Eren, and he’s finally saved from himself.

What’s aggravating is that as many ominous hints as we’ve gotten about Eren’s monstrous nature throughout the series, there’s just as much material of him loving his friends, and wanting them to be free and happy, and understanding that walls aren’t the only prison.

Angry Eren the Rage Boy is there. He’s even easy to understand, sometimes. OG Ymir’s history inspires a desire for death and destruction. It would be and is wrong, but the impulse isn’t difficult to parse.

He’s more than that. He stays up all night listening to Hange’s theories. Armin’s dreams of the sea catches his mind like wildfire. Fighting Annie even after she’s revealed to be someone who’s ruthlessly murdered his comrades is painful. He wants to believe Reiner and Bertolt are innocent even when they’re making the worst show of hiding it. He smiles every time he sees his friends genuinely happy.

Eren’s rage has always been a direct response to his views of the world. The slavers are monsters. He has no problem killing them. Titans are monsters. He wants them dead. He runs off in Trost and gets his leg chomped off because he’s so upset that a bit character we barely spend time with is being eaten.

“When we’re born... all of us... are free. People who reject that, no matter how strong they are... don’t matter.”

Since leaving his friends in Marley, Eren has rejected the freedom of every single one of them. He doesn’t tell them what he’s up to, but expects them to have his back. He pushes events into motion that nearly lead to all their deaths. He actively lies to Mikasa about how her brain functions. He tells Historia to get on board or have her memory wiped.

The rage and agony and helplessness Eren feels isn’t particularly strange, in my mind. He hasn’t coped with any of the manga’s arcs well, and the few victories he’s been part of have landed him in worse and worse places, emotionally.

The conclusions he’s reaching don’t work.

It isn’t that strange for people to not realize that they’re contradicting themselves, especially when they’re in this frame of mind, but Eren loves his damn friends.

Meanwhile, he’d find it easier to take if Mikasa were attached to him because her bloodline made her do it, but that’s.

Actually, no, that’s relevant.

Eren suggests plot magic chemistry before he considers that Mikasa actually loves him.

He’s a dying man.

He’s condemned himself already. It doesn’t matter what he does, as long as his friends are alive. Anything else -- everything else is secondary. They’ll be alive, and he’ll be dead, and it’s as simple as that.

But it isn’t like he doesn’t know right from wrong. This might be a wrong he can accept on his deathbed, but it’s undeniably wrong.

How horrific is it that people might be so attached to him that he can do all this, and they’ll still fight for him instead of putting him down like the monster he is?

Eren struggles with greys. If he’s willing to be the bad guy, it makes sense for him to commit. He’s rejecting freedom, so by his own rules, he doesn’t matter.

It would be so much easier for him if everyone else agreed on that point.

He seems to be doing what he can to make that happen.

...But that’s just whimsical speculation born of profound pity more than anything. I still have trouble figuring out what his deal is. He’s eviscerating his friends in the name of them surviving, but he still terms his want as them having “long, happy lives.” While actively interfering with both those aims.

This chapter doesn’t seem to leave much room for a secret other plan that Eren is secretly putting into action. That’s been my hope from the beginning, and pretty much every bit of my confusion here is why. The majority of the conflict here comes from Eren deliberately fucking things up. It’s like he accidentally poisoned a bunch of people by using the wrong chemicals to clean up the dead body of the person he killed who totally deserved it, and figured the best following response was to repeat the process.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that the Eren we’re starting to see looks broken beyond all repair, and we’re missing the breaking point. We can puzzle out possibilities and trauma, but at the end of the day he has chosen such a destructive route that it needs more justification within the story.

Personally, I think that this Eren is buying into his own bad press so completely that he’s stopped giving himself freedom. That is my most established take.

The fact that that read play in nicely with Mikasa wrapping the scarf around him and taking him home has very little to do with that except that’s where my brain spends most of its time now, I guess.

AND NOW WE’RE BACK TO HISTORIA BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I EVER GET TO HAVE A SINGLE MOMENT OF PEACE.

Hell.

I am tired of going over all the ways in which this does not make sense. I am, perhaps, equally tired of how every single time the pregnancy subplot comes up, it manages to get worse.

‘what oh noooo she’s being used to breed an army of royal babies who will eat their mother’ ‘wait nooo she manipulated a guilty childhood bully into fucking her so zeke could live for some strange reason’ ‘oh nooooooooes it turns out she actually goes and fucks npc farmer guy because zeke needs to live for eren to commit genocide and if she doesn’t let eren commit genocide that’s bad for some reason even if she was just saying it’s actually bad for him to commit genocide’

????

Additionally, I realize this chapter has probably reinvigorated people’s theories that Eren is the father, which. um. continues the trend of being worse, because then you have Historia feeling like she’s backed into a corner where fucking the guy who’s about to commit genocide is her only option because if she can’t come up with some good excuse to not eat Zeke he’s going to wipe her memories.

(ETA: Hours later, I sit here remembering he can’t actually wipe her memories until after Zeke shows up. Oops. ...That somehow manages to make all of this make less sense.)

I deeply do not want to discuss that element.

I’m just bringing it up to establish that every way you spin Historia’s situation is fifty shades of rape, and it’s skeevy as fuck along with making no sense.

Glad to know that in two years, literally nothing has come along to make this better or more logical.

That’s vaguely true because it lends more credence to the idea that it’s all a lie, but at this point, the writing is breaking its own back bending over to try and make this work.

“If there is a most reliable way to make sure that this island lives on... I’ll go along with it. There was no other way... But... you defended me back then... everyone acted for my sake... That’s enough for me.”

I’m going to try to explain my problem with this without screaming.

I’m probably going to fail.

The thing is, Historia’s entire arc is about fighting fate.

Her entire arc is about undoing the cycle of abuse her family has perpetuated, breaking free of it to reclaim her identity as a person and forge a better future for the world.

She almost kills Eren for her father’s approval.

When she doesn’t, her commentary isn’t that it’s wrong, or ineffective (though she’s aware of both these elements).

She makes her case very succinctly.

“God?! What a load of bull!! You’re just saying whatever you can think of to manipulate me and save yourself!! That’s it, I’ve had enough! I won’t let you kill me!!”

Replace “save yourself” with something related to Eren, and we have the exact same plot beat we already had, for a character who’s already gone through it.

Historia’s lack of agency would be bad enough on its own.

The entire focus of the pregnancy subplot has been that it causes Eren angst.

We have not gotten Historia’s thought bubbles.

We have received her verbal compliance.

We have had her misery over her situation on display.

This is something for Eren to feel guilty and angry over, not something for Historia to interact with.

On its own, that’s bad.

When you have it attached to a character whose entire arc is about breaking damaging cycles and living a life designed by her own choices instead of following orders and roles, you have a problem.

Historia never tries to resist this fate. Not that we’re shown. She’s clearly terrified, even in the scene where she staidly offers acceptance, but Eren is the one to speak up. She’s miserable whenever we see her pregnant, but every scene with her involves her sadly going along with this thing she clearly does not want. Even when she asks Eren what he thinks about her having a child, she’s unhappy.

This is the first time she’s gotten dialogue of her own in two years.

The first little bit is her shrugging at her inevitable suffering.

The second bit is being appalled at Eren’s everything.

Then somehow we land at her proposing her inevitable suffering.

Which...

How does that help??? Anything???

My answer to that is that I’m Team Fake Pregnancy, and Historia is proposing a hypothetical thing where she ponders how her having a child would play out, but I’m sorry, what?

Eren’s upset about you losing your bodily autonomy.

Among other things, yes, but having a child you’re not enthusiastic about is the entire fucking ignition point of this fucking fuckening idiocy how is it that NEITHER OF YOU ARE IN POSSESSION OF YOUR SOLITARY BRAIN CELL WHAT IN THE F U C K.

Even if you read it as Historia not having a child with the intent of future cannibalism, but simply having a child to get out of eating Zeke --

Holy fuck is that not better.

It’s still her feeling forced to have a kid because the alternative is lots of people dying.

She’s nineteen.

At the very fucking least this could have the decency to be her story, not a story built around making the main male lead angst enough to commit genocide. At the time of this writing, we are denied that, and while I don’t think this is totally beyond saving, the story the narrative is selling is inexcusable and insulting. The only room for improvement is if we’re actively being misled.

Which is a valid theory, but that doesn’t change my disgust at what we’re being told to believe.

Having Historia simply accept her fate is a sledgehammer to Historia’s entire character development, and Historia’s character development is a microcosm of the guiding themes of the main story. You can’t dethrone her without the manga’s entire thematic significance ringing false.

Also, while I’m here, Eren’s being a fucking prick.

In case that was somehow missed.

'hi historia friendly reminder that i’m only here to commit genocide because you saved my life because like you said you’re the worst’ ‘lol remember that time you said the titans should just kill everyone and i teased you and you said you were caught up in the heat of the moment well guess what i listened to you and everyone’s gonna die thx for the protips’

Anyway.

This is either really good or really bad.

Because Historia does some very stupid things. That is not a writing flaw, it’s a character flaw and feature. She’s impulsive and dumb and realizes things conflict with her principles nine steps into committing criminally negligent homicide, and if that’s how this is all justified...

Hell, I guess I’ll just be tired. Which I already am, so that’s. fine.

It’s funny. This is one of the times I could have gotten away with writing barely anything, since half the chapter is just trailer shots for Eren’s monster movie. Yet here we are, many words in.

I’ve thought a lot today on if I should keep reading or not. One of the things that got under my skin is that I’ve spent a long time coming up with ways for this all to turn out okay. I complain a lot, and certainly lose my temper, but I like to think I stick around because however bad this gets, I have faith that the story’s thesis is that beauty wins against cruelty.

If that’s the case, I want to be here to see it through. I want that high of things being okay when all signs point to nothing ever being okay again.

But it’s been a long day, and I’ve spent two years split between anger and hope that I’m not sure if I feel because I trust the story or if it’s become a habit I’m afraid to break.

Or if it’s because if I did give up, I’d feel insanely guilty for any of the times I’ve tried cheering people up over the bleak things going on in the manga.

I want this to be a happier story than anyone I know thinks it will turn out. I’m an optimist to a degree that people tolerate, but don’t find particularly realistic when gauged against the content.

The main character is on a genocidal march in the name of friends he has broken and betrayed. Friends who can still barely vocalize the option of putting him down.

I don’t know if I want to be here for this.

I don’t think I need to watch more cruelty unfold, no matter how much beauty survives it.

#Shingeki no Kyojin #SnK 130 #Eren Yeager #Historia Reiss #shingeki no no #shingeki no spoilers #SnK spoilers #spoilers #tl;dr #chapter post

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operationcavill · 4 years

Text

Untangled - Part 2

“Would ya look who’s here,” Y/N’s heart drops and she can’t bring herself to turn around. There’s no way he’s here for a second time. “He’s wearing a white henley,” her sister leaves with hopes that her little sister gets some juicy gossip and most importantly, breaks out of her shell. A white henley was her weakness on any man but Henry, she was done for.

Inspired by: Butterflies // Kacey Musgraves

Y/N - Your name

S/N - Sisters name

B/I/L - Brother-in-Law

B/N - Brothers Name

It’s been exactly one week since Henry met that funny girl at the bar. Y/N. Even her name sounded sweet. He couldn’t help but think about her legs, and how nice her ass looked, but he also couldn’t knock the thought of how shy she was and how cute her blushing mannerisms were; her fingers fiddling with the neck of the beer bottle or thumbing at the necklace she wore. Y/N just radiated something, and it was too enticing to him. Those fingers and the way her nails would feel digging into his scalp when he,”Hey, Henry,” a PA snaps him out of his daydream, “it looks like rain isn’t letting up so they’re halting until it passes. See ya tomorrow.” He nods and sends a text to his brother who is currently keeping Kal company while he’s working overseas.

H: Did Kal get a walk in today?

B/N: Took him and the kids out twice. Checking in early today. Got plans this evening?

H: I haven’t decided but probably just going out to dinner with some work mates again.

B/N: Liar.

H: What?

B/N: You’re gonna go back to that bar.

H: Hey, it was a nice bar.

B/N: It was a nice girl.

H: I can’t forget a cute face.

B/N: Alright lol be careful out there

Henry slides his phone in his pocket and heads to his car. The grey clouds bring him back to that evening on the patio once again. He was so hung up, just after a couple of hours. What’s gotten into him? His drive back to the hotel was quiet. He was trying his best to concentrate on the car, just the care and nothing else. But maybe she’d let his hand rest on her thigh while he drives. Would she hold his hand on the way back his room?

He exchanges nods with the hotel staff he passes on the way to the elevator, being him usual polite self even when exhausted.

——————————

Henry watches a small group enter the bar and to his enjoyment, she walks in with them. He excuses himself to the restroom, but his fellow crew mates know better, he’s going after her. He rolls his eyes at their snickers but lets out his own chuckle.

“Hey there,” He looked even better than before. The Shirt.

“Hello.” She hopes he can’t hear her heart pound in her chest, “Becoming a regular, are we?”

“What can I say? I like a good cocktail,”

“Benny does know how to make on hell of a drink.” She winks at the bartender and they share a laugh.

The bartender blows her a kiss, “Anything for you, Tequila Princess,”

He raises his eyebrow and smirks, “Tequila Princess? What is it about you and tequila?” He becomes confused as Benny scoots two shot glasses in her direction.

Y/N sighs as she turns toward Henry, “Thanks, Benny,”

He glances at the small glasses, “I’m actually not a tequila guy.”

She laughs, “These are both mine.”

“Oh,” He’s adorably wide-eyed, “is this that trick your sister mentioned?”

“Yes,” Y/N holds the two glasses in front of her face, “cheers, Henry.” After placing both shot glasses in her mouth, she rest her hands on her thighs, throws her head back and gargles the liquid before swallowing. She took the drink with absolutely no grimace or chaser, no salt or limes. Her face is completely still as if it were water. “and that is the trick. It’s not exactly mind-blowing and it’s a gross sound.”

“What the hell,” He backtracks in case he offended her “I mean, how are you not positively sick right now?”

“I can’t taste it.” He throws her a look, “It doesn’t burn or anything. So, in school I told a few friends that I couldn’t taste tequila. They dared me to gargle it to prove it, and being young and stupid, I did. That’s where the Tequila Princess came from.”

“Am I entitled to use that nickname?” He’s so handsome.

“Only if you want me to walk away right this second.”

He surrenders his hands in the air, “I shall never call you Tequila Princess ever again.”

“Good,” He offers her a beer but asks for a water instead, “thank you.” Henry looks visibly tense as the bar gets a bit more crowded. She can sense it in him, he’s getting a nervous. She assumed he would be used to it.

“Hey, look, our bench is free.” He liked that, that they had a bench. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been good, tired, but good.” He looks into her eyes and notices that they’re a darker shade than before, “How was your week?”

She smiles sweetly, “It was great, actually. Sorry to hear that you’re tired.”

Y/N is turning Henry into a puddle of mush with her kindness, “S’alright. We actually cut it short today cause of the rain.”

Pointing at her sister and brother-in-law, “Those two almost didn’t want to come this weekend because S/N hates driving in the rain.” He admires how close she must be with S/N, and wonders if they fought like monsters as he did with his brothers when he was young, do sisters do that?

“Do they visit every weekend?”

“No, you just happened to be here when they do visit,” Something splashes and she hears a playful, ‘oops’. She looks up to find a very beautiful woman holding an empty glass and a grin you could compare to the Cheshire cat.

“I’m so sorry. I hope I didn’t ruin your, um, shoes.” She looks at Y/N’s boot with what seems to be distaste.

“It’s ok, we all get a little clumsy.” Y/N is not the type to be confrontational, especially when she knows people are watching, “I’ll just go get some napkins.”

Henry interjects, “Please, let me.” He gets up so quickly that the woman in the conversation can get a word in.

Her eyes follow his behind before turning back, “Listen, I don’t want to come across as a bitch, but there’s so many guys here at this bar that are on your level.”

Y/N raises her eyebrows, “My level?”

She clears her throat, “Yeah, like you’re super adorable but come on.” She’s younger than Y/N. She has those extra long legs and perfect eyelashes, her boobs still up to her neck.

The frustration in her chest grows as she tries not to put little miss spider legs in her place, “All I had to do was smile to get his attention. You had to interrupt us and spill your drink on my shoes.” S/N notices the glare in her sisters face, this doesn’t seem friendly at all.

She makes her way over, trying not let Y/N notice. She hears her hold her own, which isn’t surprising but she knows her anxiety can get the best of her. She almost wants to laugh at how bold this girl is. S/N knows she’s very nosy but this is her little sister, is she supposed to ignore such a situation? She peeks and sees Henry eyeing the two as well. He’s not that far away, he has to be hearing this.

Spider legs rolls her eyes, “He’s just really-“

Henry arrives with the napkins, bending down to wipe off her boot, “Really into the conversation we were having, excuse me.” He stands, turning his back to the woman before sitting down. He’s not sure who is more shocked, this rude woman or S/N as she pretends not to eavesdrop behind a topiary. “You are adorable, by the way,” He wipes her knee, even though there isn’t a trace of liquid on it, “Beautiful, really.” The secondhand embarrassment is almost too much for Y/N to bear, why is spider legs still stand here? I feels like an hour before she finally marches off.

“That was sweet of you,” Her voice is smaller than he expected but he can see the rose tinge in her face, “thanks.”

He gives her a full smile this time, “I have a feeling things might have gotten a bit out of hand if I didn’t step in.”

She scrunches her nose, “I’m not exactly argumentative, but —”

“Not you, Darling,” Darling, “your sister his trying to hide, just there.”

Y/N watches her sister rush off from behind the plant and act like she didn’t hear a word, “Jesus, S/N.”

He was completely sure of it now. Henry was more than intrigued, he wanted every part of her, “You’re very feisty.”

“Feisty?” She’s never heard that one before.

Henry does his best to put on a feminine impersonation, “All I had to do what smile to get his attention,”

“Shut up,” She flirtatiously swats at his hand, “being shy or, like, reserved, doesn’t make you a doormat.”

Henry could grab her and kiss her right here on this bench, their bench. “Come on. Let’s get back to it,” He nudges her leg with his elbow, “what do you do? Tell me some fun facts.”

"Fun facts?” She clasps her hands, “Ok. Um, well, I’m a painter, sometimes photographer. I live in a tiny apartment with a loud neighbor. I like crime books, like to read when I can. This is not my natural hair color, and I actually don’t care for alcohol that much. People are usually surprised by my tattoos. I also have an obsession with travel sized toiletries. Hows that?”

He’s always gone for the creative type, he should’ve guessed it, “A painter with tattoos who likes to read, and likes tiny shampoo. Got it.”

“Your turn,” She takes a sip of her water, “oh, you can’t say acting because that’s too obvious.”

“Hmm, Ok, I like coffee over tea. I’m really into horror movies and gaming. I enjoy cooking but hardly get the chance. I hate running. I think people who sleep in socks are complete psychopaths. I also like to read. Like visiting home. God, I sound boring,” he laughs, “what else? Ah, I really like mornings. I like working out first time in the morning.��

“You’re not boring at all,” She smiles, “I can’t say that I like working out. I like to cycle, but that’s about it.”

He blurts out, “That explains it.” Oh no. Did he just accidentally talk about her ass?

“What?” To his horror, he has no way to recover from his remark.

He tries to change the topic, “Oh, nothing. You need another water?”

Y/N narrows her eyes, “No, explains what?”

As her sister walks by and hands Y/N a plastic cup full of lemons. She matter of factly states, “He’s talking about your ass, idiot.”

“Ohh,” This time they both blush. Henry hasn’t had cheeks this rosy since he was a boy.

“I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.” He awkwardly bites his lip and tries not to die of embarrassment, “Well, um, anyway, I’m, uh,” Y/N looks up at the sky and jumps as she gets a chill. He watches her tear into a lemon wedge, “Are you just eating lemons?”

“I like sour things,” Her eyes squint, as if she’s expecting something.

He tries to see what she’s seeing, “What are we looking at?”

“It feels like it’s gonna rain again.”

He shakes his head, “Nah, I think we’re ok,” He watches her eat another wedge, “do you two have some sort of lemon ESP?”

“Of course, we’re sisters. I didn’t check the weather but it definitely seems like it’s gonna rain storm.” She scrunches her nose again, he takes note that it must be a habit of hers.

“I hope not, I like sitting out her with you.” Henry listens to her go one about how her and her sister have always just ‘got’ each other, more so than others with their own siblings. She has a best friend, B/F/N, that she has a very similar relationship with. They share stories of their teen years and the dreaded mishaps that are the early twenties. Henry, with beer in his mustache, says, “I should’ve grabbed more napkins,” he wipes his mouth, letting Y/N see the time on his watch. She grabs his wrist to get a better look, but doesn’t state the time. He looks, “Oh, it’s almost 3 hours since I got here,” He checks his phone to see that his fellow co-workers let him know they were headed back to the hotel. It’s just him now.

She opens her mouth to speak but a large rain drop hits her forehead, making her go a little cross eyed, “Well, would ya look at that?”

“I’m sure it’s just a little bit of sprinkling.” Theres a sudden crack of thunder and the sky lights up, welcoming an instant downpour.

He makes sure Y/N gets back inside first, wishing he had a jacket to cover her with, “I told you it was gonna rain.” He absentmindedly tries to cover her head with his left arm, but he was too late. Her hair has fallen victim to the chilly October rain, as has Henry’s clothing.

She can’t help but look at his body, just like the rest of the women in the bar, “You alright?”

“Yeah, just a little cold,” She wants to tell him that his shirt is sticking to him, making him look like a greek god. That god damned henley.

Henry awkwardly shifts, pulling his shirt from his skin, “It is kind of cold, isn’t it?”

S/N arrives and he knows this is his last chance with Y/N, “We’re gonna go back to the hotel before it gets bad out here. Johnny said he’d stay, if you want to stay.” S/N Looks at Henry and back her Y/N, wanting her to take a chance.

“No, I’ll come,” She looks at him, hoping to God her mascara didn’t run too much, “Well, um, I’m going to go before it get worse but it was wonderful seeing you,” She touches his arm only for a few seconds, “maybe I’ll run into you again.”

“Hopefully,” He watches her leave, thanking whoever invented the stationary bike, but already missing the conversation. Her icy fingers gave him goosebumps of his own, but he welcomed it. They were soft and he liked her sparkly nail polish. It reminded him of a hot wheels truck that his nephew gave him. He loved how cozy she looked and, shit, Henry didn’t give her his number. He forgot twice. He thinks to himself, “What the fuck is the matter with me?”

[Note: Please excuse any writing mistakes. Thanks for reading 💕 ]

#my posts #henry cavill #henry cavill x you #henry x you #henry cavill x female reader #henry cavil fanfic #text #henry cavill fluff #untangled #writing #my writing #hc #fluffy #DC #superman #actor henry

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manjuhitorie · 3 years

Text

tat - Shinoda’s Hitori-Atelier blog posts - REAMP Digest volume 4

Shinoda’s blog post via Hitori-Atelier! Please consider joining Hitori-Atelier and supporting Hitorie’s ventures today. How-to here: https://boatmanju.wixsite.com/hitorietranslations/hitorie-atelier

It’s already been 3 months since REAMP was released, time really flies.

In that short bit of time we’ve already planned a tour ahead of us, and were given the opportunity to do the opening for the anime ‘86′. Let’s fucking go~~~~~ Is everyone faring well? I've recently rekindled my passion for sampling, I haven't felt like this in years. I'm taking free samples I find strewn across the internet and turning them into techno. I kinda remember mentioning my appreciation for techno in vol. 1 of this blog series, and yeah. I'm finally trying it out for myself. I've managed to make a pretty sick song if I do say so myself. You'll find it on Hitori-Atelier soon enough. (＊This is most likely the song titled 'mad candy', found in 'Shinoda's Contents') It's fun 'cause compared to vocal stuff, I use a whole different part of my brain to make techno. I say "This part of this sample has a good beat to it, I bet if I rearranged it like this it would make music~" and do it. Relatively speaking, this kinda music making matches my personality type really well. I feel like I've found a fucking good hobby for myself here. With that said, even though it’s a hobby, work is still work so the collateral damage of music-making is still vividly affecting my body. Like music is still music, and with the way I tunnel vision I'll end up at my desk for an obscene amount of hours. By the time I'm done with it physically and mentally I'm a wreck. Like the fuck do I mean by hobby, is this some kinda shitty joke Shinoda? Anyway let's talk about 'tat'. The question as to what the title means comes first. Initially I wanted to name this song "刺青(meaning tattoo)". Because the song ‘Perfume’ by ‘Eito’ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MjAJSoaoSo) was a huge hit at that time so yeah.. But that idea failed ygarshy's inspection so I had no choice but to look around for a word similar to tattoo.

That was when I found photos of tattoos on Instagram with the hashtag #tat. This is it, I said. As a slang tat can mean many other things as well but I forget what they were. I'm sure you can find out if you look it up but, take note that none of it has much to do with the song itself. I considered '#tat' for the title as well, but it was too lame so I pulled back. This song was written when the album was almost finished and most songs ready: I reviewed the album as whole and felt that something was missing. I had wanted something with now tat’s tempo and mood to it to tie the album together. It turned out really well, if I may say so myself. Isn't it a great song though? I feel like all my efforts were worthwhile... It's fun to let the creative juices flow and write with whatever comes to mind. I tried to make the amount of guitar notes concise and solid. The tone was supposed to be graceful too but... ygarshy swooped in with a kick and his bass so heavy it sounds like he's blasting music from a little motorcycle. The melody too has the same makings as the hits these days. It’s about someone of the opposite sex with a bold tattoo who’s stuck in days of ennui, and me who’s gazing from afar wondering what these feelings inside me are. It’s about that sorta thing (?) - I think I managed to express it (????) The beat isn’t made to be far off from modern tuning either. I’m sure I could’ve harmonized it even better but, at the time I found good reason to make it more rock band-y, so I have no regrets. I only wish I made the song name something easier to find via search. It’s so hard to find the people talking about it... Starting with a verse and closing a song with that same verse is great, ain’t it. I’ve always liked songs with a bit of a whacky structure to them, Like November in HOWLS, it goes from verse 2 back to verse 1 then into the instrumental break. If you think it’s just any old number then prepare to be sorely mistaken - Or, that kind of fetishy stuff is important for music if you ask me. I received a fair lot of praise from people in the song-writing industry about tat, I’m happy. Though I’m not sure about the lyrics. Someone from our workplace told me that “Mushy gushy heart-wrenching lyrics would fit well”, so I sought out to do exactly that. The only problem is that my expression of mushy gushy made that person from work go “????” so making people’s heart clench is hard shit. This doesn’t leave here okay.. My dismay over the discontinuation of Chikyuu Monogatari is vented in here a bit as well. Though I don’t think Chikyuu Monogatari is boring. Not really. I saw a few people say that ‘tat’ is like the evolution of cakebox. And it makes sense to me now that y’all say it. cakebox was my solo project I did back in my mid-20’s. I made 3 mini pieces with 7 tracks and 1 EP with 4 tracks before stopping. I’m sure only like 10 people in the whole world ever listened to it. If you look it up you can still get it to listen too. Like an offering of random ass songs to my dead school life, I had a phase between my late teens and my early 20’s wherein I was obsessed with making songs using just my voice and guitar. The question of direction was beyond my consideration, I just sorta let the creative juices flow back then too and promptly set pen to paper. That was my creative process cycle. It was kinda like a diary. There’s barely any proper complete songs. The reason being that I completely lacked the skill necessary to make them proper. My guitar was alright but my singing wasn’t up to par, no one ever praised my voice at all. So I resolved that I just wasn’t cut out for it and strove to be a lead guitarist. Instead of my own songs I chose to go do band stuff, thus devoted myself to guitar. Yet still my desire to make something proper stuck with me, and so soon after that I started a band in which I did guitar and vocals. we mashed stuff together and made song proper. Alas. Between creative differences and my own lack of ability, we were barely able to make something that I was proud of. After shit happened I ended up at home immersed in making my own songs. “Surely I could put all my experiences in bands and my own growth to good use, to turn my backlog of WIPs into something proper as well?” I thought to myself, and thus was the beginning of cakebox. I think that was the first time I ever got involved in making my own music through my own power. But my way of intense creation was too innocent for listeners or something, or like I wasn’t conscious enough of my headfirst personality... So I didn’t even have the sense to match the tuning up with modernity, and ultimately my work wasn’t clicking with society’s needs. That reality was crushing me more and more with every piece I made. I didn’t have absolute confidence in myself or conviction to push through either. After 3 albums the feeling of “Why am I even doing this” grew, and I found more purpose in Hitorie instead. From then on I devoted myself to Hitorie. These past few years in Hitorie have been nothing but learning experiences for me. After years of the four of us together stressing over what makes good music, I think my own work has leveled up as well. One thing I learned that has especially stuck with me, even now, is leader’s unwavering stance on “Believing that I’m just no matter what”. For someone with my relative dispositions it’s a nigh impossible stance, and at often times I felt it was egoistic of him but... It’s what led him to create such powerful music, and it’s something we depended on greatly. The other day I gave Unhappy Refrain a full listen for the first time in a while. It’s perfect in every way, what the hell. Vocaloid as a genre was still establishing itself back then, and without a doubt this album served as a monument for the cause. The same way ‘my bloody valentine’’s ‘loveless’ was the cherry on top for the shoegazer genre. It’s made an immovable unsurpassable mark on music history. I really was in a band with a crazy person. To think that when I was in a band with him I more saw myself as the crazy amazing one. What the fuck was up my ass. I understand why felt the need for a band after making this album - why he brought us together - even more now. The obscene amount of notes in that album with a tone reeking of rock band stuff... It’s really flooded with his innocent yearning for rock music. I think the troubles he faced following Unhappy Refrain were the repercussions of him making such a huge monumental piece. But his stout core belief in himself - that he’s just - has stood equally as tall as that monument all the way. Now, after so many twists of fate.. I never thought I’d be writing AND singing my own songs for Hitorie like this. Except, one difference between the me of now VS. the me of old is that I don’t feel even a smidgen of unconfidence. I’m not worrying that I “don’t stand out” or “don’t suit societies needs” anymore. I feel like ‘tat’ might be the best song in the album (sorry ygarshy and Yumao). To the point that when people praise it I merely agree with them, “No lies detected” I say.

It’s all thanks to my time spent with Hitorie, the musical knowledge we sharpened, and the fact that my bandmates’ amazing performances have my back. If I don’t have something as big as this supporting me then I’ll just be a fucking chicken with no confidence in my music, after all. With that said, Music made by you yourself is an irreplaceable treasure, “If you made something good, then be proud”: this lesson of mindset was taught to me by Leader. It’s a really life-changing way to be so... If I mimic Leader at least this lil’ bit no one would make a bad face at me, right? What do y’all think? With that that said, the actual most pure thing that’s naturally come out of my head in years, with my actttual emotions stuffed in, is... The actttttual best song is “Utsutsu” if you ask me so. Look forward to the next entry of this blog series, y’hear me. Shinoda

#REAMP #SND REAMP Blog #Hitorie #REAMP Digest

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mercuryislove · 3 years

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Hiiii Lynn 😊 I realize it is not funny question friday but I was thinking about this last night and wanted to ask before I forgot (you don’t have to answer right away). But I was thinking about the gods in your story and it made me wonder if there were any holidays or like special occasions in honor of them? Or events that started out as being in honor of a deity but like evolved into something else? (Sorry, i realize this is a hyper specific question. I was just curious lol)

okay this is super exciting for me and i thought about this for like a full twenty four hours before sitting down to answer lmao

as you may or may not know, I sat down and made my own calendar for this world because I'm insane and have too much time on my hands. It has thirteen months and the lunar cycle lasts 26 days and every month has 28 days except the first and seventh, which both have 29 :)

back in the old days, like when the original gods existed, every full moon was a “Feast Day” for the god of the month they represented, though the term was considered outdated and nobody actually did any feasting. For example, the first month of the year is the month for the god of creation (whose name is/was Juselan if you care to know), so anyone who was a particularly devout follower of that god would go to one of their temples the morning of the full moon to pray and leave an offering. IF you were exceptionally devout, you might spend the entire day there to devote yourself to their name. The god of good fortune was the most popular and people would go hard as hell to win their favor because who doesn't want to have good fortune!!

Obviously a thousand years after an entire gaggle of gods commits ritual suicide, nobody gives a fuck about feast days anymore. HOWEVER, their names and legend still exist in one way or another (and some people even believe they're still alive and are just. sleeping?), and the months of the calendar are still named after them for the most part, though of course there are lots of differences in languages and across the continents. (Yixing was born under the fourth month, which is the old god of fortune's month LMAO it also means that he is an aries according to our star signs and frankly I have no clue what that means because i only know anything about my own sign which is the SUPERIOR aquarius)

AND there are holidays that morphed over time and kind of became their own thing. Like duh new years is still a huge deal (for several reasons) and the solstices and equinoxes and what not, but there are other big holidays too. There's a holiday in the spring that used to be basically like. a huge festival lasting several days to honor the god of creativity and the arts, and it has since become like. a big holiday to celebrate the end of winter and to get hyped for springtime. (in the old days it used to be Ciaran's favorite holiday because he got to go do hot girl shit and be extra famous for a week because of his profession lol)

There's also a major holiday celebrated around the world in the fall that used to be a celebration of the god of health and decay that has become more like a... “we have to get together and celebrate a good harvest but also ward off the evil spirits that come in the long nights of winter” situation. It used to be a RAGER of a holiday. like a full week of drinking and eating and socializing and having a ton of fun and all around hedonism to thank the god for being generous in keeping your health (but also to like. beg that he doesn't let you wither away in the cold months). It was like the BIG travel holiday. Kind of like our lunar new year holiday or even Christmas except without exchanging gifts lol

ONE THING I haven't come up with a good gift-giving holiday lol I know every culture around the world has a few, so it just makes sense to make one up. That can be my next big worldbuilding project. (That and making up my own zodiac lmao though I do have a couple constellations made up already....)

ALSO I feel like it's worth noting that like. before the gods had their tantrum and all fucking DIED, a lot of people just weren't religious. I mean. Everyone knew the gods were REAL. There was no debate of that, but a decent amount of the population of the world just Did Not Care. It's like they knew the gods didn't give a fuck about the people on the planet (because the world was kind of a shit show), so they didn't bother taking time out of their day or month or whatever to stop in at some temple in the city and pray, because they knew whatever they said would be ignored. On the other hand, there were also just as many people that were VERY religious. (Ciaran and Anwei's mom falls into this camp lol) I'm talking, the kind of people that would spend the entire damn feast day at the temple desperately praying, making all kinds of offerings, building a shrine in their home to worship other days, etc etc etc. There were people who would gladly wage wars in the name of whatever gods they favored most, and then just as many that didn't give a flying fuck about which god's month it even was.

AND it's worth noting that even after everything blew tf up, there are people centuries later that still worship the old gods and are really really invested in coming up with a way to either reawaken them or to find new ones to take their place. And these people go hard as hell on the old holidays and have pushed many many times to reestablish those and feast days and all kinds of shit. And naturally everyone is like. uh. you can SEE where they died. You can fucking LOOK at the scars on the earth my dude. They're not coming back!!! Granted, like. 99.99% of people don't know that there are NEW ones that sort of took their place, but that's neither here nor there. There's some weird mythology there, but I'll save that for another time!!!

So uh. Short answer is yes there are holidays (and I've only come up with a few as of yet) that were very specific to an old god that became something else entirely. And there are also some entirely new holidays that are specific to continents that I've only sort of started to work through lol

#oc talk #i apologize in advance for this making ZERO sense #i just put down whatever thought entered my stupid little head lmao #this is something else i could talk about forever lol #bc in my head each god that represents a month is important and there's a very specific reason they're in that order and blah blah blah #all stuff that matters to basically nobody but me! but i'm having fun and that's what matters

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rochey1010 · 4 years

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PART 3:

Ok, so this is about Eliott and the link between S5 and S6. Like Eliott out of everyone was crafted in this season so damn well. And yeah his arc in S6 was plotted here but it's the whole character. And it goes back to his S3 debut. France has remained so damn consistent with this character. Nothing is forced or out of place. It's a natural flow to this point now, and probably what is to come.

So just before i jump into S5. What do we know of the Eliott character? So we meet him in S3 and he's beautiful, like out of someones league beautiful. And he's mysterious, and has a loner vibe but from the trailer looks troubled. The trailer shows so much that will crop up again throughout the show in regards to Eliott. He enters the school with a prison atmosphere (just left one or is about to enter one). He quickly walks through, hurried, not wanting to make an imprint, hiding in his environment with the 'catch me if you can' vulnerable hoodie up style. Everyone notices him but he notices no one. He just wants to get this over with (same cycle different environment). The people either know him (Imane) are attracted to him (Alexia) or intrigued by the new guy (Emma). So he walks down the corridor and bumps into a very important person. That is Lucas and it's the first inkling from Eliott that something has penetrated his bleak dark world. The first hint of the light/dark motifs that S3 would be centered around. Before we know it's even a concept POLARIS is everywhere.

Eliott does something that i love. He stops, but doesn't turn around just yet, Maxence plays it like he's taking something in and waking up. And then he turns and looks, and we get everything in that look to Lucas. You feel his intrigue, attraction, fixation, awe of this unknown guy. That this guy has shook his world. And then he does something else i love. This tiny wry smile appears for like a milisecond, and then he looks him up and down signalling to the audience that we're in for a hell of a ride, and that Eliott is showing some playfullness towards Lucas. The hint that he's gonna pursue him. Then crucially he walks down the corridor to Colouring - In motion (range remix) awesome and reflective lyrics. Into the black, back into the dark he goes. And this is a direct contrast to Eliott and his world. Sees nobody but Lucas and is turned towards him looking, and then there's Lucas turned towards Eliott but oblivious and not looking.

So as the season goes on we see that he is all those things but so much more. He has a romantic, goofy, sweet and tender side, he's very vulnerable and fragile but he also has a darkness and it comes out as fear, anger, jealousy etc. He's the Even that we see snap at times e.g. class outburst, Chloe, Lucille.

And another thing is that he's the Even that gets developed off screen with the brilliant utilisation of his insta for mental/emotional state. It fits Eliott with the mystery, puzzles, metaphors and plot foreshadowing that takes us through the season. It's Eliott's journal and we're the therapists in a session with him. Each time he posts isn't fickle. Everything has meaning, everything connects and it's linked up so well onscreen. So we see Eliott onscreen but we see into Eliott offscreen. And that mental illness insight has continued and remains true to not only real life but who Eliott is.

We find out that he has so much fear. That it makes him hide in relationships and quite literally hide in the dark. That he created his magnum opus POLARIS that is all about fear and running from true connection. That has so much bipolar symbolism in it and that has Eliott settling in this dark world of MI. Because as any one who can identify with Eliott, sometimes there is a morbid comfort in staying stagnant and not reaching for something because deep down the light and happiness is something you don't deserve. It's horrible negative feelings of shame, embarassment, and self loathing that permeates. Anyone that struggles with their mental health will attest to this.

So he, facing this fear reaches for Lucas, and they fall in love. Eliott is chasing the light in Lucas that has made him want to enjoy life again. Then something horrible happens, Eliott is confronted with all his worst fears of himself being reinforced by the one he loves the most. Eliott being a crazy person that Lucas doesn't have time for. He's literally slapped in the face with his SKAM. And he's the Even that literally bleeds out right there on the screen. There's no mask which racoon Eliott is adept with it. He took it off and it shows how deep he was in with Lucas as he can't even pretend anymore. In that moment he is truly exposed and to this day it's heartbreaking to watch. He also does something that no other Even did either. He begins to ghost Lucas in this scene with the hair ruffle and that truly disappointed look when he's backing away. It's almost like a self resignation in himself like "well i was right, the light is not my world, and i shouldn't have been stupid enough to think this would have gone any other way" and he's truly disappointed and so damn heartbroken.

So he goes back to the ex thinking it's a clean break. But he realises he can't stop what he feels for lucas. So he pines on his insta, trying to reach out and trying to be honest but comes to the conclusion the only way to have lucas is to hide his darkness (bipolar). So they reconcile and are happy, and then it goes to absolute shit. He has a manic episode and the truth comes out. Eliott runs again back to the dark. Back to the comfort of his world. Doesn't expect anything, doesn't reach out because he has no hope that he can be loved with this defect, and just cries. 😭 in total despair. It's that level of self loathing that keeps cropping up rooted in his MI.

Lucas proves him wrong and saves him (this is crucial for Eliott's S6 arc) and he accepts him but now we see that Eliott still doesn't accept himself (S5, S6) minute par minute is a very important scene that is being revisited in S6 and will be crucial for Elu. Eliott wants to end the relationship, he sees no way it can work, and Lucas fights and gives him a perspective to hold onto.

Sorry i got into a S3 character study there. But i felt it was the only way to show how Eliott as a character has been built through the show and layered with so much depth but so much darkness. He's actually not only one of the darkest Even's but one of the darkest SKAM characters. And the reason i feel that, is because of the contradiction of the character. That he has such a postive sunshine aura and will smile at anyone and instantly bring a warmth. But yet has this deep well of struggle and pain that you can feel is there underneath that "I'm the happiest person in the world" energy. And you have to ask yourself how much of that is Eliott projecting to keep the demons at bay? As someone who can relate to MI. There is a level of exhaustion where you feel like you pep talk yourself on an almost daily basis. Quite literally you fake it untill you make it. And i just feel that Eliott is such a walking dichotomy between 2 extremes. That he perfectly represents the bipolarity of this character.

But rambling aside, so that's the Eliott we know and in S5 we kick off his arc with an insta post. He posts his new job 'new job, new school, same boyfriend' caption with a pic of the video club. Lucas follows it up with 'and soon, new appartment'. This tells us Eliott has not only started working but he's in Uni now and about to move in with Lucas. The video club is also dropping the hint that Eliott has found his new vocation within art. And that is movies. Now, what we know of Eliott is that he dabbled. He had many artsy interests. And we saw his love for not only movies (POLARIS) but he enjoyed literature (Virginia Woolf) and painting (Jackson Pollock) and he liked greek prose (Apollo and Hyacinth, Pygmalion). He had an affinity for artists who suffered with mental illness (pollock and Woolf both bipolar) and a true identity fixation with Woolf (mentally ill, bisexual and drowned through suicide) now that takes on a much more serious meaning with what Eliott revealed about suicide in S6. So he was an artsy hipster and he added graffiti and urbex too. A very talented and creative guy is our Eliott.

But considering POLARIS was how we were introduced to Eliott and that art side. We had to have known that his chosen field would have been movies, as it is now confirmed with his job, his uni project and his insta this season focusing on movies. How they add to the plot and how he's using them as inspiration for his project.

So it's setting him up to make a movie and to bring back something from his past that failed for him, and could have led to a spiral as we don't know how long after that all the Idriss stuff went down. All we know is that Idriss was there with him in the video interviewing him as he explained POLARIS. So the fallout must have been very soon after. And the failure of the movie on top of that must have been horrible for Eliott.

Lucas posts instas of him basically of him supporting eliott with this job and visiting him etc. So we see Eliott loves his job. And S6 shows us this more in depth.

The next we see of Eliott is a nightclub scene of new years and just basically the gang and elu happy, having fun and in love. It's just showing you for Eliott that he's come so far. Obviously we know what happens with Arthur so i won't get into that. Then there's the house warming and this is a crucial scene because Eliott has to explain something, and the audience is learning something. That this is the 2nd house warming and the 1st had to be cancelled. Eliott starts to explain himself and it's same feelings in regards to the mental illness again. Maxence plays it like Eliott is so fragile, that he's vulnerable and embarassed, and it oozes out of him. That Eliott finds it hard to go to that place where he has to talk about his mental illness. We see Eliott struggle to get the words out, look over towards Lucas, Lucas quietly reassures him and then steps in when he senses that it's too much. We see Eliott curl into Lucas in gratitude and like a child who needs comfort. And again it tells you that Eliott is very affected by his bipolar. That it's a huge effort for him to confront it and even talk about it. And now you see how it's such a focus in regards to power and agency over himself, the fear of not having it, how he can help others and how he frames it in his love with Lucas.

"And i have Lucas...i can't lose this"

That this is the crux of everything. That all the fears, insecurities, feelings are rooted in his SKAM. And we further see this explored as we begin to see the domestic scenes between Elu. How Eliott doesn't seem to be around the chaotic boygroup like the fanbase thought he would. And that's an issue because we have to admit to ourselves that we built Eliott up in a certain way, and we expected him to integrate with the gang, but the show naturally evolved Eliott the way the character is at his core. And that is why his spirit animal is a raccoon (curious, intelligent, friendly, mischievious, nocturnal, wild at heart, will lash out if threatened or cornered, wears a mask said to protect against night glare) basically Eliott is at heart a wild creature, that he goes off at night exploring, that he's chaotic in nature and a lone wolf. That he gravitates towards situations and behaviours that reflect his inner nature. That is who Eliott is.

So we see a lot of chaos and loudness in the boygroup centered in Elu's appartment in early S5. Lucas joins in and they scream over social media, and they literally hangout there all the time. After the party they stay the whole weekend, and Lucas does eventually say guys c'mon not tonight it's date night with Eliott. But you're shown basically that they do it alot. And probably more hangouts happened off screen. Crucially you're shown Eliott is not there joining in on the chaos. And in S5 the boygang were dialed up in energy and i don't think that's a coincidence at all. They were so much that even i felt over stimulated. Now like i said i do think this is important for Eliott and important to his arc. He told Lola that he needed something for himself in the urbex and that he needs to be by himself and breathe. I can attest that people who suffer from mental illness need to get the fuck away sometimes. That the mind becomes chaos and over stimulated and you need to recharge your batteries in a safe space. I believe, and i think S6 is showing this, that this is what happened with Eliott. That it was too much, and in his own love nest, so he left Lucas to do what he wanted with his beloved friends, never kicked up a fuss and just went and did his own thing e.g. urbex and otteli. That he found peace in this natural art environment channeling his raccoon and made it a safe space. And that now Lucas is shown hanging out a lot with the boygang and Eliott is otteli the extreme urbexer. I also believe that this may come up between them as part of minute par minute. That they may be letting things slide on both sides for fear of upsetting the other. In S6 Lucas was hanging out with the boygang sans Eliott and Eliott was alone and able to go help Lola at a crucial moment. Lucas is out of the loop as he was away and that caused conflict between Elu the next morning. I think all of this will finally come to a head in the following weeks.

At one point under all the fanbase jokes and memes about Eliott and Lucas being adoptive parents to these idiots. It start's getting serious, because we find out Eliott has been going through a depressive spell. And while all this shit was happening too. That he was probably going through one as far back as the house warming, and put a brave face on. That him waking up at 3pm was part of it or even a hint to Otteli urbexing. But they show you that the boys wake him up. That he's not part of the meeting but joins later.

And then another scene that sets up Otteli the raccoon urbexer. He brings the gang to an abandoned building. This is the confirmation of what the fanbase always suspected about Eliott. That he has an urban exploration hobby. With La Petite Ceinture it was debated that Eliott liked to explore the Parisian underbelly in S3 but it wasn't expanded on. Now we see it. And Eliott brings sprays and they graffiti and have fun. This sets up so many things e.g. urbex, otteli tag, street art and the expression of art as a seasonal theme focussed on Eliott. This clip is about Arthur but now looking back it's actually Eliott. It sets up his hobby, how he helps people using art, how specifically he expresses himself through art, his secret identity, and his passion for urbex. All in this little clip. To add he's already tagged the building, probably when he found it. He uploads graffiti insta art that day of him in practice. Once again it's positive art and it's a beautiful flower. And in S6 we see all this. Eliott as an artist is a direct contrast to Lola and when Lola expresses herself through art it reflects through damage and breakage, ugly and negative depressing photography. I believe this is a theme and we see it with Lola and Eliott. Eliott will use his art to help her and seeing how he expresses love and connection through art e.g. polaris, love mural, friendship mural, possible art we have yet to see. Lola will change her view of not only the world but of how she expresses herself artistically. I do believe that is a theme of S6.

Then Eliott goes away for a few weeks. Lucas is asked about him and he lets the audience know that Eliott is struggling with his mental illness and lucas can do nothing but love him and wait. The week after Eliott posts on insta a cuddle selfie with the caption 'spring of the senses' and a hedgehog emoji. This tells us that Eliott is out of his depressive spell, that he's grateful for Lucas and considers it a rebirth. Again we see that Eliott's MI is ongoing and doesn't just get fixed in this relationship. We see Lucas's maturity with Eliott's illness but we also see hints that this mental illness is a weight on the relationship. That Eliott has sorta hinged the love on his mental health. That there's a theme in S6 right now of Eliott trying to lead Lola out of the darkness that he once found himself in. That Eliott himself was led out of the darkness by Lucas but there are now issues of agency and capability. That he fixates on this sorta 'saviour complex' maybe, and it'll be something very important for his rock bottom moment. Maybe Eliott must face and save himself this time to bring his arc full circle.

There are little hints which i don't think are accidental for Elu in S5. One of them is Lucas being late to the laser tag. Now i must stress Lucas is never late. That's Eliott's department, and the fanbase picked up on it. And i think it was to hint at Elu issues. Also when Lucas has his outburst at Arthur on Valentines, and Arthur rips into him. If you look at Lucas you see that he goes to say something, like he's trying to explain something but stops and doesn't continue. And the way Axel plays it is like Lucas looks stressed and strained. Again i don't think that's an accident at all. There's issues at home clearly.

Then Eliott shows up for the holiday. And he rents and drives the van for the gang. We see Elu domestic and in love, and again a pattern, as once again in S6 they'll fight but make up being all cuddly again. We see it when Eliott posts a love declaration to Lucas 2 days after their big Idriss fight in S4, we see it in S6 when they fight and then post a couples selfie later on. And it's probably hinted at here. They fought in the background at some point and are now super in love. So the show is depicting that they'll argue and still love each other. But it's also depicting issues being pushed to the side so they can be in love again (love bubble).

Ok, so Eliott is super happy and bouncy sunshine just loving life and Lucas. At one point he falls in love with a bunny he names Fifi. Now we see this is a habit as he also fell in love with a chocolate labrador and tried to steal him in the past. So Eliott just responds to vulnerability with affection and adoption e.g. lab, fifi, taking lola under his wing. For all his demons we see Eliott has a lot to offer the world. He's just well meaning and cares. Lucas gives into his pleading which is cute and then Fifi is killed and Eliott is heartbroken. So we see he gets attached to things and he puts a lot into that attachment. And when it backfires it hurts. Now i don't know if this is true but someone from that group chat leaked that Eliott was supposed to have an episode but it was cut. If true it again highlights how stressors can make Eliott spiral and he may spiral again (S6) but again i don't know if that S5 spiral is true, so i'm not gonna go further into that.

So then there's the cheating conversation and Eliott gives his view and then answers Bas's question. He's aware of what he did to Lucille. He says he's not proud of it but he emphasises Lucas's importance to him. He does it again in S6 and he's hinged his mental health on it which is crucial. Again it's just Eliott being Eliott. A hipster view of humanity, and not really judging anybody in particular. Just a general statement of the human condition. I just feel it's Eliott wanting to see the better in everything and not label anyone specifically.

You do see though that oblivious nature to Eliott's perspective. Like he says this around Lucas who has huge abandonment issues. Now i must stress it's not Eliott's fault because Lucas shows with Arthur later on that he hasn't confided these fears in Eliott. So Eliott is kind of blind here. Like he's playing with Lucas's hair. He's not even talking about their relationship. So i feel bad for the attacks that happened on Eliott. But it sets up how Eliott being friends with Lola is going to lead to miscommunication and mistrust. And it's setting up when Lucas comes clean to Eliott about his fears how puzzled Eliott's going to be, how on another page Eliott is. And it's setting up Eliott finally declaring to Lucas himself how much he means to him.

Then as Lucas is talking to Arthur about Eliott, Eliott bursts in early in the morning super sunshine giving zero fucks cuddling and kissing Lucas. And it shows that divide right in front of Arthur. How Lucas is like all worried and stressed over Eliott straying and then a second later he's all loved up and happy and just pushes that shit to one side. Like Lucas literally turns it off and on in this scene. And Eliott has no idea his boyfriend feels like this. This is the definition of the love bubble. And look at how well Lucas's hides this. That scene shows it all. It also sets up Eliott having a friend in a girl (Lucas and pansexuality) and Lucas fearing that Eliott will find something better and leave Lucas, it sets up the movie spoiler and how Lucas will take it, and it sets up the abandonment issues coming to the forefront in S6. It sets up them both understanding just how much they've been afraid to share and it sets up them trying to keep the relationship in the honeymoon mode. They're basically afraid to be real.

Last we see of Eliott he is back in that building and partying and vibing being Eliott. He then paints another mural. This time it's a friendship mural. And cements Eliott's art being used as a theme for the season e.g. S3 love, S5 friendship, S6 connection (upcoming theory). He is used to wrap up Arthur's themes and motifs in his season (Arthur fixated on space and the cosmos and using his insta to reflect the vacumn and loneliness of being HOH) now Arthur is among this huge cosmos grounded through the connection of friendship. It sets up the completion of the gang being at the forefront of the show, it shows the importance of them in each others lives. But crucially it shows Eliott seperated from that. So it is here where we see that Eliott doesn't include himself in the mural. This is Eliott establishing himself as a lone wolf on the periphery of connection. That he also has a perspective because he's on the periphery of the group, which serves him in S6 and connects him to the story. That he's not insulated, so can navigate the bigger picture. Can see what the group can't. It also sets up no matter how deep the demons run in Eliott he can still see love, positivity and connection in the world. That he gives back through his art. So the friendship mural was a gift to the gang and because he loves Lucas and knows the place the gang have in Lucas's life. And he has never interferred in that, or felt threatened. We see how Lucas looks at him and the gratitute and love coming from him.

Then Lucas posts an insta of him and Eliott in front of the mural holding hands. We see that Lucas has brought Eliott into the mural to say you're important to me too. But we see that he's there through Lucas and not because he belongs there. We see that Eliott doesn't feel a place in this group. That he'll be at the big events but other than that Eliott may be yet to find his place, or it could just simply be that Eliott forms small connections and not big ones. And now in S6 with his friendship with Lola and what he said in the church about not being comfortable around people? I took that to mean large groups and i took it to mean Eliott expressing himself with his MI and largely being an introverted person, as introverted people can be drained by their environment.

Finally i just wanted to address what Maxence said in the recent interview about. "He's lonely" first of all i was sad because i feel deeply for Eliott, but i'm also trying to work out what this means. Does he mean Eliott's lonely right now, or always has been? Is it to do with Lucas spending a lot of time away from him and it's caused him to try to find a distraction of his own? Is it to do with his introverted nature? Is it to do with him wanting someone to understand him? Is this his arc, to accept that's it's ok to be alone and not feel shamed, or is it simply his mental illness making him feel out of step with everyone? I haven't worked it out yet as you can see all the questions. But i may do a seperate post on this at some point. But i do believe right now it adds to the S6 themes of insulation v isolation.

My final post will be about Eliott and Lola's friendship. Thanks for reading. 💜

#skam france #skamfr #eliott demaury #lucas lallemant

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mbtiofwhys · 4 years

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MBTI and quarantine

How INFJ mod and ENFP mod are dealing with self distancing

Disclaimer: quarantine for us began roughly around the end of February, and we’re writing this at the end of April, so it’s been two whole months by now.

How have we been doing up until now?

INFJ mod: the first month went well, and with “well” I mean “bad”. As an introvert, social distancing shouldn’t affect me too much, right? Well, this is true and I suppose it’s a benefit I’ve experimented in the last weeks. It somehow helps me easing emotional pain and stress and this is undoubtedly an introvert perk. At the same time I’m a J. I need a certain amount of structure and order to plan ahead and organize my nearest future. I had a couple of exams during the first month of quarantine and it was stressful to deal with them in an emergency situation with lots of unforseen problems. So, how have I been doing up until now? I must admit that an unexpected emergency like this affected my emotional well-being, but i’m trying to stay positive and learn to adapt and take advantage of quarantine!

ENFP mod: the first weeks had been absolute hell, let me tell you. I lost my routine, I lost my friends, I couldn’t even go out for a walk and every plan I’d made crumbled. Staying home felt like prison, and not having a set routine anymore affected my mental order and productivity because I was no longer able to correctly prioritize things. However, I think being N and being P helped me getting used to quarantine while at the same time being able to at least pursue my main interests and hobbies (I play games, I write, I read, and so on). I’m doing far better now, between discord calls with friends and group projects for uni, I keep in touch with people, while the increased free time allows my sparkling Ne-Fi to focus more on personal projects, like this blog.

Working/studying at home

INFJ mod: As I stated before, I’m a student. My university reacted well to the emergency and found countermeasures to compromise between a lack of lectures and the regular exams. Now I’m attending online lessons and the situation is far less stressful than it was until a month ago. I don’t have to underestimate this lack of pressure, because in a context where every day feels the same it’s easy to slack off and to lose track of time. From a more concrete standpoint I must admit how comfortable and suitable online lessons are, since i don’t have to spend hours commuting and I can save time.

ENFP mod: I study in the advertising field, so my lessons are more like labs and peer reviews than proper lectures - also, there’s a lot of group work. Quarantine affected all this very badly to put things lightly, and although I appreciate the effort my university put in providing online classes and reviews, things aren’t absolutely the same as before, and this is lowering my motivation overall. I also used to work part time in events and malls during weekends, so obviously I lost that one, too - what a life.

Alone time vs imposed isolation

INFJ mod: Quarantine should be like heaven for an introvert, right? Here is the fact: I can stay at home for a week or even more without social interaction, but it will always be my choice to recharge my social batteries or to enjoy alone time. This is an entirely different situation. Imposed isolation feels exactly like what it is: a necessary imposition that I didn’t choose. So, even if I need alone time as an introvert, I really miss my friends and the simple things we can do like laughing together, talking about our lives and passions, seeing them smile or telling a joke, sharing emotions. Because as an INFJ my auxiliary Fe just NEEDS to share emotions, thoughts, experiences, fears and dreams with trusted friends. As a Fe user, I’m still managing to find healthy ways to express my feelings, and although quarantine is an unusual situation and there are more constraints, I can still stay in touch with my friend and try to use Fe in a positive way.

ENFP mod: People call us ENFPs ‘the most introverted of the extroverts’ and I can see why but truth is, the E is there and you can’t change that. Not attending classes is hard, and I miss even the smallest things of being outside - like listening to music while commuting or walking in the street and generally… feel the outer world? And even if I, too, need alone time sometimes, it’s different when it’s forced. But I got used to it in the end, so it’s not that bad anymore. Lots of reading, writing and playing games - thank God P5R came out at the end of March. I’m managing by sharing opinions and experiences with my friends - we can’t discuss how Makoto Niijima is the absolute best waifu of the P5 female cast in person, but we can do that via chat with fanworks.

Social distancing: real interaction vs digital interaction

INFJ mod: there is a huge difference between real and digital interaction. If we talk about how internet allows us to communicate and work or study at home, digital interactions surely are helpful and I’m really thankful to live in an era where I can stay in contact with my friends and even see them. At the same time, as a Fe user I find real interaction irreplaceable and from a more irrational and emotional standpoint I can’t compare the two. That being said, I really value digital interaction as substitute of real ones. It’ll always be welcomed, be it to study or to stay in touch with friends. I also must admit how digital interactions are an interesting compromise between alone and social time, a win-win for an introverted Fe user like me.

ENFP mod: I tend to be very touchy when it comes to the people I love so yeah, digital interaction isn’t the same thing. At the same time, none of my closest friends live in my city, and we often need to organize things a month prior to fit everyone schedule, so I’m at least used to not seeing them everyday. I also truly miss my classmates, with whom I used to go out after lessons and have fun. This isn’t obviously possible with Skype calls - and don’t get me started on how project works are harder to deliver like this.

Routine

INFJ mod: Maybe you’ll find it odd to read this from a J, but routines can really stress me out and I need small variation to my daily activities to relieve the fatigue. During this self imposed isolation I’m finding harder than usual to escape from routines.Yes, as a J I need structure and order to an extent. Yes, as a J I need time to adapt to new unexpected situations. What you may not know is that I also need ways to break free from strict and repetitive tasks. In my case, routines need to be a compromise between being mentally reassured by the presence of a certain amount of order and predictability and my aversion for repetitive tasks. Order and structure are subordinated to my desire for freedom. Freedom to create in an environment where I have time and space to envision what I want and how to do it, with my pace.

ENFP mod: I really struggled and I’m still struggling with routine. I don’t like routine per se, but it’s an external factor that gives structure to my life and helps me make the most of my free time while not losing track of my duties. Uni classes played the bigger role in this, and now that they’re online, the temptation of slacking off is really difficult to ignore. I keep my calendar updated and I make sure to be present and focused when needed, but I discovered I’m not well fit for smart working. To me, home is the place where I relax, rest and maybe study, but it certainly isn’t the place where I work. This conflict is what is giving me a hard time focusing on school projects, because if I’m home, the default mode is having fun. Also, I don’t have a sleep schedule anymore. I try my best every night, every night I get rejected.

Dealing with the inferior function

INFJ mod: I’m still working on my inferior Se and quarantine isn’t helping. As the inferior function, it usually takes me a while to even realize how much I’m falling into a Se grip or simply how much I’m not aware of Se. Self isolation amplifies those aspects and makes even harder to become conscious of unhealthy Se manifestations. Quarantine hasn’t stopped me to find a positive outlook in this situation and to learn from mistakes. At first I began to take a more concrete approach in daily life with simple actions. I live in a small town and I have green areas near my house, so I’m lucky enough to be able to spend some time in the nature and to experience it through the five senses. I’m also trying to become more aware of Se by being more present. This week I’m taking action and breaking vicious cycles of overthinking and self-doubt. Self isolation doesn’t allow me to experience life fully, so I’m taking advantage of the situation and I’m focusing those energies in concrete and meaningful actions, like writing on this blog or working on personal project involving creative writing.

ENFP mod: inferior Si isn’t giving me a particularly hard time, surprisingly. I’ve experienced Si grip and I know what that means to me, but luckily that isn’t an issue now. I sometimes do things that require a more focused and detail-oriented approach: styling wigs for cosplay, trying on new make-ups, baking or cooking, observing what happens out of the window to write it down. They’re not “Si activities” by definition, but they are all things that require concentration, calm, methodical approach and that cannot be rushed - on contrary, sometimes I need to start from scratches and observe my mistakes in order to improve. These are all small things that help my Si stay present and not freaking out overthinking the past, brooding in regrets or yelling at me because I’m not living a structured life at the moment.

The risk of loops and grips

INFJ mod: this is partly tied to what I wrote in the section above: this unexpected emergency and the resulting self isolation produced stress and negative emotions. As an INFJ, my first reaction is to jump in the future and visualize possible scenarios. In this difficult times, I need to take a step back from my negative “what ifs” and to stay positive by building a better future for myself and others day by day, through simple and concrete action. Otherwise I only risk to slip into Se grips or Ni-Ti loops. As I stated before I’m already working on Se: it’s not easy, but I’m at least trying. Another piece of the puzzle is my auxiliary Fe:proper auxiliary function development is essential to avoid loops. As an INFJ, self isolation prevents me from reaching out to my friends as much as I desire, at the same time we can stay in touch through digital interactions and they are surely helping me relieving stress and preventing loops.

ENFP mod: while the Si part is ok, I still seem to have problems with NeTe loop. I had some rough ten days in mid-March because I was so focused on the million projects I had to finish and how that was stressing me out that I practically lived for nothing else. I managed to stop that before it got worse by speaking with my colleagues and asking to slow down the pace, so that I could have some free time to spend without feeling guilty or unproductive. But I still need to be cautious about the loop.

Trying to use all the four functions (and other healthy coping mechanisms)

INFJ mod: ok, it’s time to sum up what I wrote in the last three sections. From an mbti perspective, I’m trying to find a balance between self reflection (Ni) and concrete actions (Se). Staying in the present, taking full responsibility for my actions, approaching life through simple and steady actions are all steps I follow every day to shift my locus of control to a more internal position. There are obviously setbacks and some days are far worse than others, but I’m trying to stay positive and find hope. Fe helps me to reach other people which is invaluable but sadly, as an introvert, doesn’t come naturally to me. It’s an healthy way to alleviate or completely avoid loops and to keep my heart warm. Ti, when not involved in a loop, allows me to give structure to what I find meaningful and to organize my thoughts. Ti is basically the backbone of what I envision through Ni.

ENFP mod: although the first times were rough, I feel I managed to find a balance along the way - with some setback from time to time. My Ne is constantly active in brainstormings for uni and discussing fictional works with friends. I must check on what my Fi needs because I tend to endure stress way more than I should do, so every now and then I must ask myself if I’m fine, if I need to stop or if I truly, absolutely like what I’m working on and, if the answer is no, if it’s possible to discuss it with my project group. Te is very active (even too much, sometimes) and it’s the core of me managing school, blog and personal projects, often writing things down on a schedule in order to keep my mind clear and ordered. I may help my Si more by really trying to re-establish a routine, but honestly the P approach helped me very much in this months of uncertainty, so I think I’ll keep going on like this as long as I’m fine.

Thank you for reading this far! - the mods

#mbti #mbti of whys #infj #enfp #Psychological Types #Personality Theory #personality type #quarantine #self distancing #mental health #blogging #type blogging

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wings-of-indigo · 5 years

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So, Waitress is closing and Why I am Happy about that: An Exceedingly long essay Rant about Broadway

Look. Nobody's gonna read this, most likely, but it's 2 in the morning and my brain's been obsessing over Broadway (more than usual, anyway) since communing with my people at intensive this week. So, in the interest of getting some sleep before 8 hrs of dance and shitty high notes tomorrow, here goes.

I love classic, high-school-and-community standard musicals. I love new and experimental musicals. I love Disney film-to-stage musicals. I love institution musicals like Chorus Line, Cats, and Wicked; I even have a soft spot for Phantom. I am eagerly anticipating West Side Story next Christmas (seriously, I have a calander).

BUT.

As I said to one of my fellow dancers during post-class stretch (after noting his insane flexibilty and making yet another resolution to stretch more) I am Sick to GoDAMnEd DEATH of revivals, franchise adaptions, and restagings taking up the Broadway and greater theater markets.

I get why it's happening; I do. Musical theater, even shows that never make it out of Regional productions (Be More Chill, btw, I'm so proud of you bby :'-D ) are REALLY FREAKING EXPENSIVE, not just to stage, but also to develop. Broadway productions nowadays regularly go upwards of TENS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS in costs.

Those costs are more and more frequently being met through funding by large groups of wealthy investors, who can expect basically little to no return on that investment. Only a select few shows that make it to the Great White Way do well enough to turn a profit (let alone the kinds of numbers that Hamilton, DEH, and Wicked continue to make), and more and more shows are closing in defict or once they break even. (Coincidentally, this is probably why we're seeing more and more straight plays on Broadway, especially in limited engagements. They're quicker, cheaper, and still have the same level of prestige.)

It makes sense then to assume that a show linked to an already successful property has a better chance of reaching that break-even mark, or perhaps generating a small return, than a more original idea. It's a surer bet, and we've seen it a lot these past few seasons. Anastasia, Beetlejuice, Pretty Woman, Moulin Rouge, Mean Girls... we get it. We promise. Investors want some security in an extremely and notoriously insecure market before they're willing to lay out the dough.

I get it. Everybody gets it.

And, to be fair, some of those shows are and continue to be GOOD. Tony nominees and award winners, even. But here's the problem: it's boring.

And not because I know how Act 2 ends without getting spoilers on tumblr. Unless they're younger than ten, the population of Broadway-and-musicals fans generally has a good handle on where a show's relevant plotlines are going. It's really not the wanting to know the end that keeps your butt in your overpriced red velvet seat and your eyes on the stage. It's the score, the words, occasionally the choreography, and most importantly the magicians on, off, and backstage bringing those things to life in a new and interesting way.

The antithesis of this, then, is having to watch slavish recreation of iconic scenes, lines, and characters from iconic films, presented Onstage! (TM), now with Bonus Songs! for your reconsumption. (Yes, Pretty Woman, I'm looking at you.)

Hey, I love Pretty Woman the Movie, slightly dodgy messages about feminity aside. I love it as a movie, and I really don't need to watch the knock off version of it, even if it comes in a shiny Broadway package.

Anastasia, and Beetlejuice, on the other hand, work extrodinarily well as musicals because they are NOT carbon copies of the original, somehow miraculously transplanted onto the stage.

Ironically, musicals based on original ideas are actually some of the most successful and well reviewed recent productions. Hamilton, Dear Evan Hansen, Come From Away, and Hadestown this season are all original works, and well, look at them. (Fishy, huh? Coincidence, I think the fuck not.)

Recently I got to see The Prom on Broadway, the day after I saw Pretty Woman. The contrast between shows and my enjoyment of them was well defined. I couldn't look away from The Prom, despite many of the major story beats being as obvious as our Cheeto-in-Chief's spray tan. I and the entire rest of the theater were completely engaged by what was going on onstage, both comedically and dramatically. At Pretty Woman, I found myself checking the Playbill to see how many songs were left for me to make it through and anxiously comparing the size of my thighs to the dancers onstage to pass the time (ah, pre pro Body Issues, welcome back! We all thought you'd retired!)

Three guesses which show I'd choose to see again.

When I read that Waitress was closing, the first thing I did was panic and start marking pre January weekends where I would both be free and possibly have disposable income (I've never gotten to see the show, and frankly I would like too). My second reaction was, yes, to mourn the closure of a wonderful show, but it was mixed with hopeful anticipation. Waitress had a good long time in the sun, and just like a well lived life, eventually it must and should end. It's better, in my humble student opinion, to live with memories and cast albums (and regional productions) than the stodgy life of a show that's jealously clung to its Broadway berth through the tourist-and-date-night trade (*cough*Phantom*cough*). It's sort of like your 40 something mother taking selfies in booty shorts in an effort to prove she's still 'hip' and in her twenties. Cringe.

Ephemera is the nature of live performance, and probably part of its allure. And just like in the natural world, old things have to end so that new things can become. Waitress closing is a vital part of this cycle.

Broadway has a limited number of theaters. That's a hard and absolute fact. Maybe a quarter of them are effectively taken off the market for new shows by productions apparently cursed with immortality. Waitress has just opened up another spot both physically and creatively for a new project- hopefully something we haven't seen before- and I hope to God, Satan, and Sondheim that it doesn't get filled with another franchise spinoff, celebrity jukebox musical, or -Lin Miranda forbid - yet another revival.

Why the revival hate, though? Aren't revivals an major way to revisit the landmark and important musicals of the past and bring them to a new audience?

Well, yes. They are, especially when they're staged and presented with the emphasis on letting the music and words speak for themselves and giving the actors leeway to work with the material, without the typical levels of Broadway Extra (TM) and creative meddling from the producers. (The recent Lincoln Center staging of A Chorus Line is a good example of the stripped down style I'm talking about.) But even if they have their place, once again, revivals (while valuable and cool and all that) are Something We've Already Seen.

Let's take Newsies for example. A show with a huge fan base (mostly teen, mostly girls) who I frequently see wishing for a revival.

Now, I am a raging Newsies fan. Newsies is the show that got me started on attempting to make a profession out of dance and theater. I can sing both the OBC and Live albums back to front. I may or may not have had embarrassing crushes on certain cast and characters that I will take to my grave (I'll never tell and you'll never know, mwahhaha). So, do I love and worship ever iteration of this show? Yes. Do I wish I had been able to see either the Natl Tour or Broadway productions? Hell yes, with all my heart. Do I wish the Gatelli choreography was in any way accessible for me to learn? More than I want Broadway tickets to cost less than my soul, kidney, and hypothetical but unlikely first born combined.

But do I want a Broadway revival? Hell FUCKING No.

It's over, it's done, and it lives on in reinterpretation in regional and junior productions. Good. That, to be quite honest, is where it should belong.

It doesn't need to be rehashed on the biggest stages, and to be frank, neither do most of the ultra popular revivals that have been happening. (Yes, Ali Stoker is awesome and deserves the world, but Broadway does not need Oklahoma. If you need to see it that bad, go find a high school production somewhere. I recommend the midwest.) Broadway does not need 1776 (even though I am looking forward to it). Broadway does not need a Sweeney Todd revival (even though I want one like I want ice cream after suffering through jazz class in an un-air-conditioned studio on a 90 degree afternoon with no breeze. Seriously, I might be making sacrifices at my altar to this cause in the back of my closet).

Broadway needs musicals that are at least nominally original, and if not, come from something obscure enough (Kinky Boots, Waitress, Newsies) that they can make their own way. Barring that, investors, writers, and directors, please have the courage and decency to take established content in a new direction. Please, I'm begging you. I'd honestly-and-truly much rather sit through something that didn't try to shove the better version of itself down my throat even as it bored and annoyed me to tears. If I'm going to pay $80+ to sit through two hours of something terrible (and less engaging than my dancer body image issues) at least let me get my money's worth in unique horribleness.

#broadway #newsies #hadestown #mean girls #anastasia the musical #musical theater #waitress #hamilton #beetlejuice #tony awards

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ch4oswitch · 4 years

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⭐ Pick A Card ⭐

🌩️✨Messages from your Guides✨🌩️

Praise be to Hekate who I channeled for this message, she actually insisted I do this, it's taken me fuckin hours. But!! It was incredibly fun, and if this goes well i'll definitely do more!!

Pile #1 - Selenite

Pile #2 - Citrine

Pile #3 - Black Tourmaline

All descriptions below! If anyone is looking for clarification readings, DM me for prices! <3

For those of you who Chose Selenite:

Death + The devil suggests for a huge majority of those who chose this pile have a connection to Chthonic gods, be it known to them or not. There's the theme of death, gods of death, the underworld, hell, demons, the "darker" aspects of the world we live in. Possible ghosts, spirits, ancestors or loved ones who have passed. This energy is incredibly loving towards you, it's not malicious in the slightest. You're drawn to it and it's drawn to you, there's a part of you that feels it's not healthy but it makes you happy. Maybe you delight in it, that's valid as hell! Either way, they see great love in you, and that's something entities of this nature really need. It balances them! They're here because they see you. I'm getting "I See You" by Missio. They can see your struggles, your grievances, but they're reaching out because you have "Fallen From Grace" with the Contrary Swan. You have maybe resorted to bickering with friends, being unkind because it gives you joy or, maybe just a semblance of control. I get the idea for some of you, someone else's joy caused you to act out or feel badly towards them for having what you don't. Envy can be a vapid joy when you're able to bring someone "down to your level" when you feel you deserve their successes, and do not have them. It may feel justified because you're already suffering. This is a lie. Hurting those you perceive to "have it better" than you on some level simply for that fact is never justified. Many of you my have experience the repercussions of these actions heavily. That vapid joy only lasts so long before reality comes crashing down. Your guides see this as an opportunity to balance yourself. Temperance is upside down, there is an imbalance that needs to be changed. And the Ace of Shields shows me that you have all the resources necessary for this transformation. You are safe. It's okay to retreat if you need to, the Death Card offers its hand to you- offering the option to shed the old you. Waking life is a constant cycle of life and death, we're always becoming new people by the day. But sometimes we have to choose to change a part of ourselves because it was holding us back. That is not a weakness, it is an incredible strength to recognise that, and act on it. Your guides believe you have that strength, and they urge you to take that step. To allow yourself to grow into the new version of you that they know they see in you. It will hurt, as all deaths do. But it is not a physical death, it is the death of old ideas. Embrace it, and you can have a new beginning. The presence of Love will always cast out fear.

For Those of you who Chose Citrine

Water- big water vibes with this imagery. Possibly water signs, or people who feel very connected to the element of water. Perhaps you work with water in your craft, or this entity itself is deeply linked with water. Neptune Poseidon, Odin, etc. Aquarius possibly, or Pisces. A lot of financial hardship, but you've had help in the past, and it got you back on your feet. You maybe thrive when supported but not confined. You don't like being told what you can or cannot do. And there's a very sort of childish behaviour vibe coming from the Knight of Wands Reversed. Despite your occasional tantrums, once you're balanced you're incredibly organised and controlled. When you're balanced, you manage to take on monolith tasks and make it look effortless. The rabbit in contrary suggests anxiety for some of you, being paralysed by your fear. You may think maybe if you're still enough, whatever it is that's chasing you will give up trying to find you. But for some it could indicate that you're forced into a standstill in your surroundings. Trapped by circumstance. It's not something you can immediately fix. I get a strong sense of protection. You have someone around you that embodies the qualities of the King of Cauldrons. Very caring, but themselves perhaps a little more closed off emotionally compared to you. It's not that they don't trust you, it's just they're not used to it. They're getting there though!! Give them time! It could be someone physically in your life if that's what vibes with you, or it could be indicative if a kind of energy that is manifesting around you. A guardian spirit of some kind, type as yet to be decided but I have a feeling you'll know who this is referring to! Considering he's the king of Cauldrons- the suit of creative energy and the symbol of manifestation used in this deck! They're here to keep you safe, in any way they can that doesn't restrict you. They're a pillar in your support system and have a huge deal of love for you. Be it familial, platonic, romantic or sexual! You may be dealing with heartbreak, or a deep sorrow you're hiding from. Linked to the financial troubles for a vast majority. For a smaller group I feel the sense that it is an emotional loss. You’ve lost something you deemed important or precious, be it a loved one, a pet, your financial security, maybe even a home. Your guides tell you, it's okay. They're here to help. They love you with all their heart, and they're going to help you bring joy back into your life. Your life hasn't ended, we are always offered new beginnings. Take it, and remember; joy is the ultimate creator.

For those who picked Black Tourmaline

A deity is not who you need right now, if that's what you're looking for. The reversed affirmation card is a pretty clear sign of that. But they do want you to know that this battle you're fighting, the universe; the very place that holds your being is on your side. Because you are a powerhouse. Ignorance may have become your prison, perhaps you made a mistake and you're utterly unsure of the repercussions, it how you can fix it. You may have gained all you asked for, but it left you emptier than before. It may have only doubled your troubles, or maybe even you took advantage of something or someone to get where you are now, and it haunts you. Though it seems for the vast majority have it will come the other side and are aware of that. They are prepared for the worst because they have seen the details. The ant shows me patience. You understand your situation is tough, you're well aware of your past shortcomings. But you have found your peace. You have allowed yourself to grow into a period of rest. Or perhaps that's what your guides are encouraging you to do. But no matter what, there's more work ahead. I think the main message is the universe is preparing you for the final stages of rebirth. Maybe you are stalling because you're terrified of all the terrible fates that could await you on the other side. The fear of the worst adding hesitation to your step. For some, you have just come out of your battle, it has rendered you blind and bound. Retreat is just taking stock before trying again. It's okay to make mistakes, it's ultimately how we learn! Embrace the situation as a lesson. Trust yourself to work with this new experience. The universe knows you have more strength than anyone can see, for once, use that for yourself.

#pick a card #pick a card reading #citrine #selenite #black tourmaline #hekate #hecate #witchcraft #tarot #divination #witchblr #channelling #shufflemancy

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hollenka99 · 4 years

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The Creator

Summary: When Sean discovers he has the ability to bring his characters to life, he wasn’t expecting to be shunned by them or for it to lead to tragedy time and time again.

Warnings: Blood mention, implied death (including children), kidnapping mention

Sean wishes he never went to Max's house that night. It wasn't any fun. They were just really mean to him and he didn't like it. It's not like he didn't try to stay awake. It was a dumb anyway. His mother asks him if he'd like her to speak with Max's mother. He tells her no. In response she encourages him to stop moping about if it wasn't that bad. Well, fine then. Max sucks and Sean can make a way better friend than him any day. Right, what kind of qualities should a good friend have? He should be kind always, never teases him in a mean way, be willing to be there for him and want to join in with his games. For the hell of it, Sean adds 'never sleeps' to the criteria. This imaginary friend is named Jack, after the family nickname. Having been moulded into the 6 year old's interpretation of a perfect friend, Jack becomes a concrete part of Sean's life. Jack is always there when he gets home from school. They mess around in the woods near the house, complain about homework together and share a great deal of laughter between themselves. For years, his parents and siblings brush it off as him being a little boy. However, Sean is undeniably getting older. With each birthday, having an imaginary friend is increasingly becoming something he should outgrow. And he is, somewhat. It's just that Jack feels so real to him. But his friend understands. Sean is no longer 6 and it is time for him to gradually mature. He gets crushes, makes his way through secondary school and decides he may have made a mistake with his original degree choice. Through it all, he's maintained an interest in video games. So screw it, there is a place for gaming content on YouTube. What does he have to lose? This damn cabin doesn't exactly allow him many opportunities to socialise with those outside his family otherwise. He goes by Jacksepticeye on the website, harkening back to a nickname he gained following an injury years before. Months pass and it is soon July. To his surprise, his channel's subscriber count reaches 1000. He's delighted. That was 1000 more than he'd ever really expected. He films a vlog to mark the occasion and thank his audience. Something he'd expected even less than his sub count was his doppelganger, complete with an identical outfit, collapsing in front of his television. Regaining composure after getting to his feet, the clone speaks. "Um, hi Sean." "What the fuck? Who are you and why do look like me?" "I'm Jack." "Okay. Hello Jack. What the hell are you doing in my living room?" "No, Jack as in... Jack. From when you were a kid." Sean stands there, no words coming from his mouth. He seems to remember himself after a minute. "But you're imaginary. You were an imaginary friend, it's kind of in the name." "I guess that's changed." Jack shrugs, obviously as lost as he was by this unique situation. Sean falls back onto the sofa. With his hands in his hair, he lets out a deep breath. Jack gently sits himself on the other side of the sofa. Not bothering to lift his head, Sean opens his mouth. "I'm going to be honest. This was not how I imagined my day going." "I didn't think I'd suddenly come to life either." Sean leans back and their eyes meet. A beat passes before they both descend into laughter at the absurdity of it. That summer is phenomenal compared to his previous expectations for it. He introduces Jack to so many things that he usually took for granted. They eat more tubs of ice cream together than was healthy, don't allow a week to pass without a competitive gaming session and occasionally wander about in the woods surrounding the cabin. There was apparently a whole other world with people Jack haphazardly described as 'the NPCs to my main character'. Their faces were probably based on people Sean had walked past in the street. There was this completely separate world and the entry point was simply lingering outside his cabin. It was inconceivable. When he gets the courage to venture through the gateway, he discovers it's actually a bit remote. Isolated, like his cabin is. Jack helps him laugh it off. Besides, he couldn't be expected to be creative with his literal worldbuilding if he didn't know how he was doing it in the first place. Jack introduces him to a friend who was like him. This Australian guy called Angus Irwin tags along to a hang out session. Here was this person, standing right before him, whom he was entirely responsible for creating. By messing around in Far Cry 3 and putting on a dumb accent, he'd created life. What the hell was he capable of? The three of them are firm friends by the time the local trees have suffered a significant loss of leaves. He and Jack gradually become the joint face of the Jacksepticeye channel. For some reason (Jack cited Sean's 6 year old self for this) his doppelganger didn't sleep. This was actually very beneficial for him because he could edit while Sean slept. God knows Jack complained enough about his sleep schedule. When he gets announced as a winner of Pewdiepie's shout out competition in September, Jack swings by to congratulate him. Along with Angus, the trio spent the evening celebrating this bizarre occasion. There was a lot of work he'd have to put in to keep the momentum going but Sean knew it would be worth it in the end. The colder months fly by after that. Jack had never been particularly affected by the cold before. However, now that he could feel it, he suffered the consequences of not wearing enough layers. Jack detesting the cold is funny to Sean, especially after how much his friend thrived in summer. Angus wasn't used to the lower Irish temperatures either. He helped them stay warm as best he could. That goddamn cabin with its internally forming frost didn't help but still, he tried. He jokes he should conjure up more radiators for Jack and Angus' home despite not having the faintest clue how to actually do so. As the new year approaches, Sean realises he never gave Jack a birthday. They could have celebrated in November because he is maybe 90% sure Max was born during that month. Therefore, Jack would have been initially thought up during November 1996. But Sean had no idea what the specific date of creation was. Not to mention November had already passed anyway. There was that date in July but he wasn't sure he should pick the anniversary of Jack becoming corporeal as his birthday. At a loss, he goes for the day he associates with birthdays the most. Who says Jack couldn't share his birthday? He blanks on what to get his friend. He's not sure where he gets the dumb idea to let Jack experience hot chocolate for the first time as a birthday treat. Jack gets understandably frustrated by this ban on the drink. It pays off when Sean gets to witness the wonderful sight of his friend enjoying hot chocolate. Lost on what to give Angus for his birthday in early April, he approaches Jack for ideas. His friend suggests getting a toy leopard and jewellery that can fit on the animal. Sean can't help but question the odd combination. When Jack explains leopards love jewellery, especially the gold digging females, it's as if these were widely known facts. Sean had been bullshitting when he'd spouted that nonsense. Jack reminds him it was factual to Angus. Oh alright, fuck it. Let's present Angus with a jewellery loving leopard on his birthday. As predicted, the Australian wildlife man greatly appreciates the gift. It's late summer once more when Sean's problems begin. Jack mentions being concerned about their friend's changing sleeping habits. Then Angus' memory gradually starts suffering. Throughout 2015, Angus gets worse. Jack's always had a big mouth. He tends to speak before he truly thinks things through. Sean's technically to blame for that. However, it hasn't been much of an issue until now. The first time Jack brings up potentially finding a way to reverse whatever was affecting Angus, he hates to reject him. The painfully dejected look in his best friend's eyes breaks his heart. He wants to help, he really does. He just can't. Not long after, he spends an hour or two looking for a game with an open world. Perhaps he could put on an Australian accent for the anniversary of the character's first appearance. Nothing comes up. Life gets in the way. Sean abandons the search for a while. Jack never allows him to forget for too long. What starts as "I'm worried about Angus" soon morphs into "Angus only called me Jake once today". The longer it goes on, the more desperate Jack gets. And angrier. Sean has never seen such frustrated fury in his friend. He wishes he never had to. He's not even sure if he can call himself a true friend anymore, given how much he's already failed them. The cycle of attempting to find a solution and putting it on the back burner due to no leads continues. As do the arguments with Jack. Contrary to popular belief, he is putting in the effort. The main problem was he never seemed to have anything to show for it. He still cares for Angus too. The reason he wasn't visiting their home as often was because he didn't always feel welcome. As was in Jack's nature, he kept forgiving him. He'd say it was fine and Sean would agree for the sake of it. But it wasn't fine. He is beginning to forget when the last time things were 'fine'. Following some filming with Ninja Sex Party, Sean is excited to dress up as a superhero for a bit during a Welcome To The Game video. Jack is just as pleased to make a new friend. Jackie is a surprise, his young age even more so. He was 16 and, as far Jack had told him, brimming with excess energy. The new arrival had been a shock for Jack too, apparently. The most he could offer the kid last night was a can of Dr Pepper and some custard creams. Shit, this was new territory. He hasn't had to deal with a new ego in years. Jackie's age causes conversations about school and whether the boy would need an education in the first place. Sean doesn't necessarily see the point. Was Jackie currently the only minor in their world? Because in that case, has a high school suddenly popped up to accommodate a single student? Even if Sean created a character with children at a later date, the kids would probably be the wrong age group to attend school with Jackie. If it was that important to Jack to see the young superhero have an education, he would have to do it himself. Being home-schooled would also allow Jackie to do his job. Attempts at being responsible aside, he ensures Jackie knows he can come to him if needs anything specific. Naturally, he gravitates to Jack as his adult role model. Sean doesn't mind. They live together and Jackie therefore has easier access to him. But Sean is still there if the need arises. A month later, he buys a cheap cat mask that covers half of his face. It was something to use once and forget about until you throw it away in a big spring clean. The magic set was the same, only with extra smaller parts. The video is nothing spectacular. All it entailed was him messing around with the box's contents before switching to decorating the mask. The last thing he was anticipating was the creation of life. Although, by this point, perhaps he should have. Besides, he hadn't even given himself a name. It was just 'Jack the Magnificent'. Jack comes to rectify this oversight a couple days later. He explains he'd made the suggestion the night of Marvin's arrival. The box had the name on it so why not let the new ego make it his own? The main issue Jack had with all this was that Marvin had not been planned in the slightest. With Jackie, there'd been some preparation. Neither of them may have foreseen his creation but at least there had been a name and outfit. All Marvin had was a mask, plus a name that was already taken. "This better not happen again." Jack privately demands. "I don't want another Angus. God knows you're not going to help." Jack swings by at the end of August to inform him Jackie's in hospital. He'd gotten stabbed while confronting a thief. He was fine, recovering well and all that but he thought Sean might want to know. On the subject of requiring medical care, Jack brings up the idea to have a doctor ego. Just someone who understood their unique situation and could also take care of their health. Oh, oh yeah. He can totally do that. He'll need some things for the video so give him a chance to prepare but definitely, one doctor coming right up. He feels somewhat dumb playing Operation as if it were a serious procedure in this cheap surgeon's outfit he bought over the weekend. And yes, even he can admit the 'German' accent was atrocious. Half of what comes out of his mouth is bullshit. If this works as intended and he creates an ego from it, this guy is sure going to be interesting. He pretends to be distressed over Peter's death. Then it hits him that Dr Schneeplestein probably won't appreciate him killing his friend and personal accountant. He could try refilm it but he doubts he has the time. Fix it through editing? Sure, but then it might be obvious that there was another part. Alright fine, maybe he'll just have to deal with the consequences. Dr Henrik von Schneeplestein is indeed an interesting guy. A married father too, which surprises him. Not only has he made the doctor, there is a new family of 5 in the egos' neighbourhood. One of these days he'll know what he's doing with this creation thing. For now though, he thinks it's very cool that he managed a 5 for the price of 1 deal. Henrik himself is intelligent and if Sean was more knowledgeable on certain topics, he's sure they'd be able to share thoughtful conversations. Either way, Henrik was incredibly busy with his professional duties and personal commitments. It was understandable that neither had much time in the day to sit down and truly get to know one another. For the hell of it, he throws in a little extra into the egos' characterisation. They can't die. Or, to be more specific, they can't die for long. Jackie gets stabbed and bleeds out? Easy, just deal with the wound and he should wake up after a while. What this means for Peter, who knows? Sean is secretly thankful when the accountant isn't granted life. That's one less person to keep happy. Like seemingly everything ego-related he does, it backfires. Within a year, this failsafe will have caused more suffering than hope. Sean isn't to know. However, he convinces himself he's done the right thing for once. He sure as hell knows how much trouble it's going to cause him if they don't believe that too. Sean makes an irreversible mistake in the October of 2016. The entire month, he has glitches sprinkled throughout his horror game videos. He gets so caught up in the teasing and build up that he doesn't contemplate how this will affect the egos. Worse yet, he recklessly allows Jack to film the Halloween video. Sure, he would have used a bit of red paint if it had been him filming. But since it was Jack? He doesn't want to imagine the scene Jackie discovers. God, he can't believe he's been so thoughtless. Signe has to encourage him to bed before he manages to rack up over 24 hours of being awake in one go. Resurrecting the dead is exhausting, he finds. He postpones visiting Jack for a day before realising his avoidance is likely making matters worse. The dread cumulates to the point he swears he will be sick if he doesn't actively focus on his breathing. The loophole he made in September might have ensured nobody died permanently but it never mentioned scars. It's not visible behind the bandages but he knows it's there. Jack is pissed off. Rightfully so. Matters worsen even more after Jackie vanishes while attempting to get away from their fighting. It's just another thing that's ruined the egos' perception of him. If he thought the hill Jack was ready to die on was Angus, he's got another thing coming. There's only so much he can take before he has to force apathy for the sake of his sanity. He understands he can't control Antisepticeye. Once this situation is dealt with, he vows, the demon will never be used on his channel again. The subscribers' love for the character will have to ignored. It's too risky to play Anti again. He puts the red suit on again. In the short video, only a minute or so in length, Jackie sprints through poorly lit corridors to the exit. Sean acts scared and looks behind him frequently as he runs. It is uploaded privately. His community didn't need to know anything about this. He hopes with everything he's got that it works. Nothing. For days, for weeks, for months. Sean doesn't bother letting the egos know what he'd tried to do. It's guaranteed Jack and Marvin would tell him to try harder. He has no idea what that means in this context. Christmas passes without incident. As does January. In February, he celebrates his 27th birthday alongside Jack. It's a day devoid of resentment. Sean had almost forgotten that was allowed in their friendship. He exaggerates his dissatisfaction about getting older. In response to this, Jack smears the frosting of his slice across Sean's face. 'Accidentally', of course. Just as accidentally as Sean reciprocated the action. Signe humours them by taking photographs of their new cake-based look. The next time they are hanging out in Jack's room, he notices a picture from that day is in a frame on his friend's dresser. "What's this about?" "Oh uh, this is going to sound dumb but... I like being reminded it isn't always so rough between us." "No. No, I get it. I um, I feel the same way. That day was great." He glances at the image once more. He lets out a humoured scoff. "Maybe I should save your dumb face to my phone." "Aww, wow, I knew you loved me really." Jack puts his arm around his shoulder. A playful shove. "Fuck off." In an emotional slump during April, he buys a bunch of Lyons boxes and mini chocolate eggs. It's just a parody of Dude Perfect from someone with zero accuracy. Then he does the stupid thing and creates life again. Fuck it, his wife hates him and he may never see his kids again. Chase Brody's depression causes him to pretend to shoot himself before the end card plays. When Jack calls him and demands to know what the hell he was thinking, Sean has no answer. It turns out that when the ending translated into Chase's reality, he'd actually shot himself in the head. Fuck. Afterwards, Jack doesn't provide his creator with any updates. Insisting he has the right to talk to Chase only makes him more hated. Despite having never met before, Chase already resents him. The next time an ego is intentionally created, Sean's going to be there to intercept them. They're not going to enter that home and have their opinion of him influenced by people who wished he wasn't in their lives. The next new guy would be given a fair chance to see Sean for what he was. A massive screw up when it came to the ability he's unsure how to master. But in no way was he some villain. August is around the corner when Jack asks to visit. The two of them seem to be on the same page that day. Sean is more than happy to hang out and cheer him up. Believing Jack would be empathetic, he begins a conversation about how the YouTube algorithm was bothering him. Over three years of working as a duo on the Jacksepticeye channel meant Jack should understand where he was coming from. But, of course, his friend makes it all about himself and his own problems. Why wouldn't he? It's what he usually does. They argue because apparently that's the only way they communicate with each other nowadays. Jack sure knows how to pack a punch. Being friends with him shouldn't be such a struggle. Sean snaps. The emotional fatigue of trying to keep up with the algorithm and all this fighting causes him to make one of the worst decisions he'd ever go through with. If Jack wants him to be the bad guy, fine. Sean would be the bad guy. Just this once, he'd actually be the asshole. "You want to sleep, I'll let you sleep." He threatens when Jack begins walking off mid-argument. "Bring back Jackie. He's been missing for months. Do something!" Jack flings viciously back seconds before he marches out the door. He can tell Signe regrets asking him how the gaming session went. He dresses as Schneeplestein as soon as he finalises his plan, pretending he aims to save a version of himself in Bio Inc Redemption. He loses. Oops. He acts as he feels the real Schneeplestein would, desperate not to watch another patient die. He sends the video to Robin for editing. The final uploaded product is nowhere near what he'd recorded. His audience are all talking about Anti. They were praising him for his acting and Robin for his editing. But... he never included Anti. Any recollection of filming the final scene was non-existent. And the parts with Henrik getting possessed weren't him either. The more he thinks about it, the further the terror sets in. Over the course of years, Jack had chipped at Sean's mind until he cracked. It had only meant to end with Jack slipping into a coma. Just a chance for Sean to focus on his own problems for once. He would have gotten Henrik to wake his patient up when Sean was ready. God, he just wanted peace for a change. It was never meant to happen like this. Marvin ever so pleasantly greets him with a "Fuck off" when he tries to visit Jack. He supposes he deserves it. But he didn't come here just to back down at the first sight of opposition. He may have caused Jack to be in that coma but, as his friend, he was still entitled to a visit. He has to push past Marvin just to get in. "Leave right now before I make you regret it." Marvin tails him through the corridor. "Hey, listen, I'll be the first to admit I fucked up big time-" He says over his shoulder. "You don't say." "But he was my friend too. I am seeing him whether you like it or not." "Well, I don't like it. And this is my home. So get out." Fed up to the back teeth of Marvin, he halts to whip around before lashing out. "We both know a bad mood on my part can spell disaster for you. That is how we got into this situation is the first place. So I would watch your mouth." "Oh, look at me, I'm Sean McLoughlin. I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it." Marvin uses a mocking tone before reverting to venom once more. "Guess that's what you told your 'best friend' before you put him in a fucking coma, isn't it?" "Don't you dare suggest I don't care." "You made him feel like he had no choice but to keep being nice to your sorry ass. He barely survived Halloween and now look where he's en-" "God, cut it out!" Chase marches towards them, looking as if he was 30 seconds from grabbing a weapon to silence them. "Both of you. Sean, you have 10 minutes then we want you gone. Marv, leave him alone because we honestly have enough shit going on without you stirring more of it." Marvin bluntly says "Five." "Okay, fine, you have 5 minutes then you leave." The magician clearly isn't satisfied with this compromise but decides it's not worth the effort of fighting further. "Thank you." "It wasn't for you. I did it so I can avoid a headache." Chase promptly leaves him to it. He's not even sure he wants to enter once he reaches the infirmary's doors. Still, he's gone through too much trouble to get this far. He can't undo all that effort now. He walks into the room and- Nope, he can't do this. He means, look at Jack! He makes for an awful sight. If his friend had looked terrible while recovering from Say Goodbye, this was a whole other level. He decides against making it past the doors. He's simply there in the corridor, sobbing. "Sean, I think you should go before Marvin tries to commit arson or something." It's the most patience Chase can muster after all that's happened this week. Sean can't appreciate the effort enough. He answers with a mix of 'Uh-huh, yeah, sure.' Jackie looks like he hasn't eaten a thing in the past 11 months when Sean answers the door to him in early October. He doesn't know what to say. If Jack were currently conscious, he would have probably informed Sean of the kid's arrival by now. Yet, as it stood, Marvin seemed to be the new 'leader' and pigs would fly before he bothered to do anything that benefited Sean. He notices Jackie never lets his feet touch the ground the entire time he's there. There is a long silence in the living room before Jackie comes out with "Why didn't you do anything?" "I tried but it didn't work." "Somehow I struggle to believe that." "Jackie-" "You could have prevented a lot of shit. But why fucking bother when we're not even real, right?" "If you give me a couple minutes, I could find that video where I tried to trigger your escape." Jackie doesn't reply. He locates the footage for him regardless. The teenager remains silent the whole time. Sean decides to break it. "It must have backfired but I did try." He notices Jackie glaring at his own legs. "Great, now I know you're to blame. Not to mention you moved country while I was gone. Thanks for making me walk from Athlone, by the way." The boy superhero abruptly makes his exit, making no attempt to elaborate. Well then, great chat. Except, wait. Walk from Athlone? How the hell do you walk from Athlone to Brighton?! Sean makes good on the promise he made to himself months before. He risks uploading the pictures to Instagram. On the 29th, there is a fair amount of hype at the potential new character. He lingers inconspicuously near the egos' home for a couple hours, keeping himself occupied with his phone in case the ego didn't appear. Which he doesn't. He repeats the activity after posting the 2nd photo on the 30th. Still nothing. It's the video on Halloween that triggers creation. It was a simple thing. The same as the previous two years, he had carved a pumpkin. The main difference was that he had dressed up like a dapper gentleman, waistcoat and bowler hat inclusive. There was some glitching at the end, nothing Sean or Robin had a hand in. He supposes he should be glad there was such a small interruption. Outside the house, he spots the lost time traveller. His first surprise, for both of them it would seem, was that Jameson had lost the ability to speak. He seems reluctant to use the speech slides. No worries. Sean can buy a notepad or two for him tomorrow. Learning to sign, or in the very least understand it. will take a considerable amount of time. Written responses would have to be a sufficient compromise for now. Either way, the most important thing was that Jameson was willing to come with him before he met the others. He is in awe of Jameson. He knows he'd intended to create an ego with a proper backstory but this was far more than he'd been expecting. He had drafted a brief life story beforehand. Jameson would be the middle child of three in an upper class British family. He'd be too young to join WW1 but his brother would lose his hearing to it, allowing Jameson to know sign by the time he went missing. Maybe throw in some time in the army for good measure. However his power worked, it filled in the gaps nicely. Jameson is fully fleshed out, as are his memories. "Thanks for humouring me." He tells Signe that night. She hums in acknowledgement of what he'd said. "You can't keep him here forever, you realise that, right? I'll let you have tomorrow. But you really should let him make his own choices after that." On the 1st, Chase comes knocking. Sean relents, allowing him in to be introduced to Jameson. As expected, Chase calls him out. He assures Jameson that it was fine to go with the unfamiliar ego. As hostile as Chase was, he was still trustworthy and believed he had Jameson's best interests at heart. He lets his latest creation go. Now he will be taught the egos' version of the 'truth'. He doubted Jameson would be rushing back. But oh, there he is days later. It's completely reasonable for the dapper man to want answers. Sean provides them to the best of his ability. Jameson surprises him once more when he says he'll let the deception slide if he cuts it out from now on. Of course he will. As Jameson heads off back to his world, Sean is thankful he made him open minded. While having a casual conversation, Jameson mentions befriending someone named Shawn. At first, Sean is simply perplexed at the written name. Jameson knows how to spell his name, even includes the fada. So surely Shawn couldn't be him. When he has his friend explain, he can't believe it. Shawn Flynn. In other words, his Bendy voice cameo. Okay, egos like Henrik, Chase or Marvin, he could understand. Those guys had gotten specific videos that centred around them. He also got the whole 'springing from him putting on a voice for a series' thing with Angus and Jacques etc. Robbie... well, who the fuck knows what happened there. The point was they all came from his channel and his channel alone. Shawn Flynn was not his to claim. He was only a voice, a few sentences' worth of speech. He will always be amazed by his community's power to create from scraps. As soon as he lost Jack's contribution to the channel, he had been forced to pick up the slack. Even with Robin editing most videos, recording twice as many as he was used to was taking its toll. Something had to be done. He needed a new recording partner. And who better to help him than someone who already had experience with maintaining a channel? Obviously, Chase is opposed to the idea at first. He tries to get him to listen to his reasoning. Without Jack, he was struggling to have time for himself anymore. If he has no time outside of work, then how is he supposed to figure out how to reverse the coma? Not to mention, the community members were the ones responsible for keeping the egos from fading. Chase agrees to, in the very least, consider the offer. Sean is glad to have him as part of the team when he reluctantly accepts it. He is very grateful too. He knows this requires a sacrifice on Chase's part, perhaps more than he is aware of. In the run up to Christmas, he'd simply wanted to raise money for Save The Children with the help of his friends and community. There had occasionally been odd noises throughout the first day but nothing super suspicious. He has no clue where the hell the security footage came from. He had intended for the stream to stay up, sure, but it was meant to display a screensaver. Some people begin to notice the glitches and unusual goings on were triggered by donations of at least $1000. Well, how nice to learn that Anti liked encouraging charitable donations. The day after the event is over, Jameson attempts to speak to him about it. Listen, he's really sorry to hear about what happened over at the house. It's awful that Jackie suffered a huge panic attack from the music. But what do they expect him to do about an event that's already passed and he had no control over in the first place? The less he has to think about 'Overnightwatch' over the holidays, or Anti in general during the new year, the better. He's so fucking done with 2017. The following cold months blur. The Dr Jacksepticeye character becomes a community-made ego in January. That was great. He was aware the egos had been struggling to provide Jack professional medical care. March sees Chase getting custody of his kids on the weekend. Although he doesn't risk ruining the party with the scene his attendance would cause, he congratulates Chase on the good news in person. To top things off, he began the first leg of his tour. That had been a hell of an experience. Maybe 2018 would indeed be a better year. This hope is kept alight at the start of May. He had spent months attempting to work out how to save Jackie. Following that, they lost Henrik only to welcome the hero back. Then the doctor had been out of reach since August. It is for this reason that he receives the news of Henrik's return with great relief. Chase is ecstatic when he recounts what had happened at the end of his recording session. Sean is happy for him. He and the rest of egos need more positive events in their lives. Jackie certainly surprises him when he randomly shows up at his door days later. Signe gives him a heads up about the visitor as he leaves a recording session. The teenager comes across as distracted while they talk. Something feels really off. Then again, they haven't been able to talk since his kidnapping. Months' worth of trauma were bound to change how Jackie acted in certain situations. When he eventually leaves, Sean feels like he's missing some sort of sign. The community goes insane after Dark Silence is uploaded. He cautiously makes himself watch the infamous ending. Once more, Anti has added content to a video. The whole time Chase stands in that hallway, Sean is begging his screen for his friend to start sprinting in the other direction, as far from Anti as he could manage. But, of course, you can't prevent an abduction through a screen, especially when it had happened hours beforehand. Chase seemed so distressed. The thought of his reaction to Anti won't leave Sean be. Nor will those two questions. Jameson swings by in an attempt to comfort him. For what it's worth, his heart is in the right place. Sean just doesn't feel he's in a position to appreciate the efforts properly. He supposes this is his opportunity to finally get a rescue attempt right. Yet, with the tour and having to revert back to multiple recordings a day, time slips away. No doubt he'll get accused of not caring. Thankfully, Chase returns in June. Mostly unscathed physically too which is good. He wishes the same could be said for mental repercussions. Chase relapsing hard with his alcoholism wasn't great to hear either. Suffice to say, Chase needed help. Some good news about the whereabouts of his ex and two young children would be fantastic too. The Akinator video is fun. He enjoys making that website's algorithm figure out the characters. Admittedly, he doesn't know whether picking Jameson for a round was a smart idea. Even worse are some of the questions he gets offered. There are two specifically he doesn't feel comfortable answering on camera. He plays it off as teasing eventual ego content to his audience. In reality, he's not sure it's his place to say. And it's hardly like he can put the recording on hold to contact Jameson about his personal life. The video goes up and the community naturally laps it up. Sean wonders if he should be concerned about the fact Jameson was yet to speak to him about it. In October, he asks Jameson to deliver a card on his behalf. Henrik would be amputating Jackie's legs in an attempt to reverse one of the most prominent aftereffects of his time with Anti. Therefore, a get well card was in order. It's not much but he hopes Jackie will appreciate the gesture nonetheless. Jameson simply shrugs as he hands him a note a couple weeks later. He ends up finding the message humourous. On it is written: Thanks for the card but you don't need to bother next time. He's just about had enough of Anti when Quit The Game To Win gets recorded. He's not sure at which point in the video he becomes lightheaded. There's a brief moment of zoning out then he's sitting at his desk, having sent the video off for editing a minute prior. Unlike the other times, there is no extra content even Robin was oblivious to. The footage of Sean staring into the camera had undoubtedly been there the whole time. They debate whether to upload it. The decision gets taken out of their hands when it is uploaded regardless. That goddamn bastard. He probably realises Sean can't take down a video like that with no explanation. And what explanation is there to give? The community has no idea the egos were real or that it was actually Anti speaking to them. Oh but sure, the compliments to his 'amazing acting' pour in without fail. Also, next phase? What the hell was Anti planning to do? He and the egos would have to remain proceeding with caution. On his 29th birthday, he is surprised to find numerous egos on his doorstep. A little dumbfounded, he invites them in for cake. It wasn't like he was doing much today other than typical work stuff and checking out the community's birthday art. Chase spots his notebook, the one containing his story plans. This topic of conversation leads to them encouraging him to rectify his mistakes by waking Jack up. He's all for it. Even after all these years, he's not sure how exactly his power worked. He gets it into his head that staying up indefinitely will cause Jack to remain conscious. Somehow, this becomes the actual criteria. As the day goes on, he thinks about how things must be like over at the egos' home. It must be wonderful to have Jack up and about. He can imagine him sharing jokes, laughing and smiling, just generally enjoying the company of friends. He's always been a bit of a night owl. He can manage to stay up the whole night, for Jack's sake. Jack deserves as much time as he can give him. He increases his caffeine intake. It didn't matter whether it was coffee or a fizzy drink. If it had caffeine and could help him stay up longer, he'd drink it. His plan seemingly backfires when he plays Shadow of the Colossus while exhausted. He wakes up with a crick in his neck, the sight of Wander stationary upon Agro's back and looming guilty disappointment. When he checks in, Henrik confirms Jack was indeed back in the medical bay, unresponsive as ever. The doctor tells him that, not for nothing, they'd all enjoyed the day. It had been after 2am when Jack had begun exhibiting signs of diminishing consciousness. Even if the others may not admit it, he was sure he wasn't the only one who appreciated what Sean had given them. Perhaps one of the stupidest things he ever voluntarily subjects himself to occurs that May. He leaves peculiar edits in the Observation series. Then he posts an unlisted video of him facing off against his clone with a bloodied throat and exclusively black attire. It works. For the first time in Sean's life, he stands in Anti's presence. As it turns out, Anti is grateful. If it hadn't been for Sean spending weeks playing around with a community fuelled concept, complete with a grande finale, the glitch would still be lurking in the shadows as a nobody. Sean had solidified him. Antisepticeye had long since stopped being a fun idea that lived purely in fan creations or Tumblr headcanon posts. Even better, he'd been armed with a knife and violent tendencies. Bit of a bad combination, wouldn't you say? In fact, he's been revelling in watching the whole Sean vs Egos fiasco. Because sure, he could blame a lot of things on Anti if he wanted. But the mistrust that began with Jack then seeped into the others via the original ego? Sean's doing. The one who used his powers of creation when, even to this day, he doesn't quite understand how on earth they worked? Sean. Best yet, letting his emotions cause him to put a loved one in a coma he had no clue how to reverse? Once again, courtesy of Sean McLoughlin. Sean brushes these comments off. He's been called out too many times to be that easily affected by it. Besides, he had some things on his own mind that needed saying. Where were Stacy and the kids? Oh, in a ditch. They served no use without Chase's conscience there to haunt. Actually, where had Anti himself been during all these years? Here, there, everywhere. Why stay in one spot when he thrived on being near impossible to pin down. Any question Sean has, Anti's answers are delivered nonchalantly. Right. That's how Anti wants to play it, huh? He creates another piece of footage. This time, he dresses as Chase and speaks on the phone. 'Chase' begs Stacy to take the kids, stay hidden and only contact him when she really needs to. Once Sean posts it (privately of course), the real Chase updates him on the recent developments in his life. He'd gotten a text from Stacy saying they were safe for now. He had only managed to compose himself before leaving the house but ah look, there go the waterworks again. Sean apologises as he makes it abundantly clear that Chase would not be able to see his family for a while. It was for their safety. Chase understood, right? Yes, yes of course. For good measure, he also talks to Henrik. His wife and children weren't in as imminent danger of becoming Anti's targets right now. However, there was no harm in staying vigilant. It was up to the doctor but Sean thought it would be for the best if they maintained a low profile for now. Sean discusses another video with Chase in October. The father is reluctant to have more of his story explored, especially if things are going to play out the way Sean had planned. That's fine, he assures. That was exactly why he wanted Chase to be part of the process. Besides, it may seem a little bleak right now but his fortunes would improve as soon as the ball started rolling. When it comes to filming the short video, Chase kills it. The community may be praising Sean but he makes sure Chase is aware of the love he had earned. He decides to allow Jameson another solo video for his birthday. They brainstorm together, coming up with the premise of a puppet show. Jameson is the one who comes up with the 'I can't be questioned, I'm rich!' joke. As soon as he does, he goes off on a tangent about how he used to know people like that. Hell, his own parents had been like that. Sean laughs along with him. The first sight of trouble is the random bit of string around his arm. Jameson naively removes it without becoming suspicious. Sean's been in this position before. If the video's up, it's already way too late for the targeted ego. He forces himself to watch to the end. Jameson's wrapping up the story when the strings reappear. His arms go limp before he begins swaying on the spot. It is clearly Anti who is controlling his movements now. Sean really wishes he didn't know the sign for 'help'. He bets Jameson believes he has the power to save him. If only he did. The worst part of it is having to witness Jameson clearly attempting to fight against it. If Sean thought Henrik's distress during Kill Jacksepticeye had been a challenge to watch, he had another thing coming. Goddamn it. Can he please go one year without losing more of those he cared about? He'd once been friends with Angus before the fading fiasco caused them to drift apart. Jack kept giving second chance after second chance until Sean had let his frustration screw that up. Chase had gradually begun to see him as potentially trustworthy, only for Anti to kidnap him and set them back to square one. Is it too much to ask for them to feel happy and safe as well as remaining so? His 30th birthday is quiet. There are no egos hassling him or attempts to initiate a bout of insomnia. It's a nice day chilling out with Evelein and BB. He would have enjoyed it even more if he knew he'd achieved his goal of waking Jack up by now. Or even getting Jameson back. The last person he expects to see coming round to his house is Marvin. He doesn't think the magician is entirely sure why he chose to do this either. He states that he gave his word when he said he'd never forgive Sean. With his fae heritage, that meant something and he couldn't go back on that. Marvin seemed offended when Sean shows surprise upon learning he had connection to fae. Well, how exactly was Sean supposed to know this detail if Marvin's been keeping him far away for 2.5 years, especially since they hadn't been best buddies pre-coma either? The magician scowls before returning to a calmer neutral demeanour. He carries on his point. Marvin may not be able to forgive Sean for what he's done, not that he really has a reason to given what was still happening to the egos. That said, he wasn't going to judge his friends as harshly anymore if they decided to give their creator a chance. That uh... shit, that was huge coming from Marvin. All he can reply with is a thank you. August rears it's terrible head. It's been three years now. 36 whole months, god knows how many weeks or individual days. He's had all this time to fix this yet is still working on it. And oh, sure, he can rationalise it. He can remind himself that during 2018, if he wasn't on tour then he was preparing for a leg or decompressing after one. Not to mention that had also been the year he'd finally started addressing his mental health. Now, the biggest thing preventing him from progressing the story to the point where Jack woke up was the virus. For half the year, he couldn't film anything that required a crew, let alone do so on location in America or wherever like he had with CHASE. Instead, he sits at the end of the bed as usual. Legs to his chest, he simply lets himself be here. Henrik is going to kill him for the way he is seated. He rambles at Jack, updating him on recent goings on. When he's said his bit, he becomes contemplative for a moment. "I'm still trying, I swear. You're going to wake up one day. I'm just- I'm doing my best to get everything sorted. I promise you can call my ass out eventually. I will get there. Anyway, I'm sure you have better things to be doing than listening to me mope about like I have been for the past three years. See you around, buddy."

#my writing #creator au #the creator #jacksepticeye #jacksepticeye egos #writersofjack #if anyone saw me despairing yesterday about this fic going on and on I want you to know this bitch is 8.2k words now #tw death mention #tw blood mention #tw kidnapping

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