#I’m just so tired of being told that death to a virus that is preventable via masking and air filtration and proper testing availability to | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

barnesbabee · 4 years

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Edge Of Glory || C.J

Pairing: Choi Jongho x Reader

Genre: Smut, Fluff, Angst

Words: Idk but from the top of my head I’d bet on 3126 words

Pieces of lyrics from the song are written in bold

⚠ drug abuse, mentions of physical/psychological abuse (not from the idol), mentions of death and suicide, dystopian!au ⚠

Warning: There are disturbing/ scenes described. Read at your own risk.

ᴀᴛᴇᴇᴢ x ʟᴀᴅʏ ɢᴀɢᴀ ᴄᴏ��ᴄᴇᴘᴛ ꜱᴇʀɪᴇꜱ || ᴘ4

ʙᴀꜱᴇᴅ ᴏꜰꜰ ᴇᴅɢᴇ ᴏꜰ ɢʟᴏʀʏ ᴍᴠ

A worldwide pandemic took all nations by surprise, one worse than any century had ever experienced, one that all safety precautions, medicine and technology couldn’t fight. It came down onto the whole world like a train and the population decreased greatly, along with all of the resources.

Hazmats became the trending fashion and hospitals became the new hotels. Everything was at max capacity, and the bodies of deceased people piled up on the streets. Pale corpses that looked like they had been drained of all of their blood laid against the walls, on top of each other, or sprawled on the road. It was every man for themselves, and chaos dominated.

You were a little relieved, however. Your parents wouldn’t allow you to leave the house for safety, but every time you looked out of the window every deceased person seemed to be of age, more specifically, a mature adult. Mostly people from their thirties on.

Maybe it didn’t affect younger people? Maybe their immune system was good enough to fight the disease?

You had many doubts, but not enough answers. No one had answers, and suddenly everyone had a God. When nurses and doctors fled, when the news disappeared and it all stopped being transmitted, everyone started praying, ironically.

Your parents were jittery and nervous all the time, but that was a normal reaction, they had seen and experienced the outside world. You felt safe in their presence, although seeing them come in the house in the yellow suits kind of scared you.

Months were spent in this routine, and all seemed normal (within the limits). One day, however, you were woken up by loud banging on the front door. You immediately stood up from bed, a little dizzy from the sudden movement, and wobbled over to your door. You pressed your ear against the wooden door to hear whatever went on downstairs. You had never gotten visitors…

You heard the downstairs door creak open and a male, harsh, demanding voice spoke.

“Any kids in?” He simply asked.

“N-no, Sir. We’ve never been able to have kids.”

You frowned at the shaky voice. They did have a kid though...

The nervousness in your mom’s voice, the violent man’s tone, and the lie immediately raised a red flag for you. You became uncertain and shaky. Who was he!?

You prepared for the worst. You shoved a couple things in a backpack, the absolute necessary, and opened your bedroom’s window as quietly as possible. You looked down at the previously green grass outside. It was far. If you had to jump you were gonna hurt yourself, so you just prayed that they’d leave.

“Surely you wouldn’t mind us looking around then?”

Your eyes widened, and you immediately took this as your cue. You put on the black gas mask your parents had given you in case of emergency and sat by the window pane.

“What? B-but I told you we don’t have-”

“Ma’am please step off or you’ll be taken.” He rudely interrupted your mother.

You heard heavy footsteps echo throughout the house, and without a second thought jumped off. You pursed your lips together to prevent the scream from escaping past your lips as you landed on your side, on top of a couple of rocks.

You got up as quickly as you fell down and ran. You ran as fast as you could, always holding your aching side.

You had no idea where you were wandering, you had no idea what was safe or not, and you had no idea what was happening, but you ran anyways.

It had been four days. You had seen some people running around and looting stores, you had seen some people in suits patrolling, and you had seen huge tanks taking over the city. You always felt the floor shake when one of them approached, so it was easy to hide. You wondered what they were for, but then again your imagination had run short.

You hadn’t found a place you deemed safe yet. You’d sleep in hidden street corners and stolen from beaten-up shops to survive, but you were becoming tired and desperate. Hope died very quickly in a place like that, and every morning it was hard not to give up.

After the longest days of your life, you decided to risk it. You went into the only part in town you hadn’t scavaged. It was previously known for illegal activity and for being generally very shady. Strangely, it was the most familiar part of town. It was dark, cold and scary, just like before.

You walked warily, looking the torn-apart buildings 'from head to toe’. Most of them were locked up, or too damaged to even enter, but a particular building caught your attention. The windows were sealed, but the door had a chain that had been broken. You approached it and carefully removed the chain. The metal door creaked against the floor and made an ugly noise. You closed it just as slowly and carefully inspected the bottom floor with the poor flashlight you had found in a hardware store.

It was clean.

You moved upwards, and all of the floors were clear of corpses. A sense happiness and relief washed over you, as you might had just found a place to stick around in.

As you reached the floor just below the rooftop, your eyes glistened and your face lit up.

A mattress with a couple of blankets laid against the wall. There were unopened cans of food organized near the window, that gave you a perfect view of the safe and unsafe areas. As you were about to inspect the food and the expire date on them, someone spoke behind you.

“Hello?”

You jumped at the voice. You spun around quickly and held the turned-off flashlight close to your chest. Your eyes were widened and you were frozen in place. The male in front of you, on the other hand, was relaxed yet confused.

He had a long dark fringe covering his eyes, and his skin was very pale.

“W-who are you?” You asked, trying your best not to stutter out the whole sentence.

The man looked at you as if you were stupid.

“I’m the person living here?... The owner of this five-star suite, actually.”

Your face fell a little at his statement and he chuckled.

“What? Did you think you had hit the jackpot and just found a perfect place waiting for you?”

You averted your gaze and blushed slightly in embarrassment at how stupid your thoughts sounded when said out loud. Neither of you said anything. You could immediately tell that there was a big contrast between your personalities: while you stood there, stiff and nervous, he was relaxed and staring at you with a mocking glare. You were a little confused as to why the male wasn’t freaking out over a random person walking in where he lived and trying to claim it. It was suspicious…

The man looked at the mattress on the floor, then at the cans.

“Wanna share?”

You were taken aback by the question. Why would he willingly share what he had? Why would he willingly spare half of the very scarce resources he possessed?

“Why?” You quietly asked.

The man understood your confusion, most people would shoo others away and refuse to even let them come close to whatever they had gathered.

He walked over to the mattress and sat down with a groan. The stranger took a very poorly joint up to his mouth and took a hit, then puffing out the smoke and creating a small cloud between the two of you. He opened his mouth to say something but was immediately cut off.

“We’re in the middle of an apocalypse and you’re getting high!?”

It wasn’t like you to stress over something so little, but the near-death experiences, the fear and all the running away had transformed you into a shell of your former self.

“It’s… It’s not an apocalypse.”

You furrowed your brows and cocked your head. How would he know what all this was anyway?

“Well it’s kinda- Can you fucking sit down or something you’re stressing me out, standing there holding that flashlight like I’m gonna try to murder you.”

The statement stole a chuckle out of you and you sat down on the floor in front of him.

“To put it shortly, this pandemic is a war gone wrong.”

There was a long silence, as he let you process the tiny bit of the puzzle he had just told you. It was understandable that you didn’t know what was going on, no one really did know but the ones that had been exposed to the government’s horrors.

“This… virus. It wasn’t someone’s carelessness or a lab security breach, it was a biological war that went to shit. A country unbeknownst to everyone apparently sent out a virus to wipe out Japan and Korea, it was speculated inside the borders that it was because of the lucrative rise and some countries were losing their economic powers over a lot of major cities. But it spiraled out of control and everyone is slowly dying. It’s much worse than anything anyone had ever seen, and in a panic, the government started doing what they call ‘recruitment of the younger generation’. Don’t let the name fool you, we were taken against our will…”

“We? You were there?”

Jongho sighed, his voice dropped considerably and suddenly the weed tasted odd. He threw away the joint and rested his head against the wall. Guilt and shame filled his body, and he wasn’t able to look you in the eye as he explained what went on in the place he had been confined in.

“I was… taken. From the house I was in. They take only young people who are healthy and capable. No disabilities inside those walls, only the ones they deem good enough to procreate and rebuild our country. We… We are forced to work, they do tests on us, they treat us like lab rats and the boys… The boys are forced to impregnate girls.” His voice cracked at that, clearly hitting a deep scar. His chest began to rise and fall quickly.

You became suddenly sad and worried for the stranger. Your face contorted in a pitiful look and you approached him, patting his thigh for him to know he had your support.

“It’s okay, you don’t need to tell any more…”

The male glanced at the joint he had thrown away and regretted doing so. He really wished he had something that made the conversation easier.

“No, the more people know, the easier it will be to destroy this whole shit. Letting the world die is better than what they’re doing to us. I was… forced to make girls pregnant. I- I don’t even know their names. I don’t even know who they are, they push you into a room and they watch you, to make sure you do things right. When people refuse to do so, there’s a punishment. But I was always too scared of it so I just followed the rules. In a couple of months I’ll have… I’ll have a children in there. A son, who knows maybe a daughter… And they’ll be forced to do exactly what I ran away from. Fuck I’m a monster!”

The male hit his head against the wall, hard. His eyes were tightly shut (certainly not hurt from the bang against the wall, but from something much deeper) and tears threatened to fall.

The psychological side clearly was much worse than any physical work they were forced to do.

“Hey, hey it’s okay. You didn’t do that because you wanted to, right? You did it because you were forced. If those kids are as smart as you surely they’ll get out too.”

He scoffed and turned his head to look at you.

“I got out because I was lucky. I was done with life, I didn’t want to be there anymore. But because the suicide rate was crazy high inside those walls everyone was always watching. I knew a guy though, he managed to pass around drugs and my plan was to overdose… But when the time came I always pussied out. As time went by and I kept consuming I became thinner, paler, weaker… I looked like I was about to die and they didn’t understand why, but at some point they stopped wanting me there, they deemed I was unfit. They cut off my food and water, they left me to die in a room. I was lucky because I passed out. They thought I was dead and threw me over the border. I woke up in a pile of dead bodies, bathing in blood, dirt, puke, and God knows what else. I could barely move, but I dragged myself out of the corpses and tried to survive the best I could.”

You couldn’t believe your ears. You wanted to say something, but what was there to be said? ‘It’s going to be okay’? You both knew it was a lie… There was nothing to be said and all you could do was greet his lengthy life-story of the past couple months with silence.

“That’s why I smoke weed. Y’know… kinda takes me out and makes me forget everything’s gone to shit, drowns out the worst in my head.”

You nodded, a little uncomfortable yet understanding his position.

Luckily, Jongho who had been through Hell and come back, was great at shooing away the awkwardness.

“Now that you know about my kids, I’m Jongho by the way.”

“I-I’m Y/N.” You introduced yourself, a little shocked at the way he was fine with joking about it.

“Well Y/N, buckle up. We’re in a warzone now, it’s the end of the world. There ain’t a reason you and me should be alone.”

You and Jongho sat at the top of the building. The sun was going down and you sat on his lap. His arms were around your body, holding your hands as he tried to teach you how to properly roll the thin paper.

“Y/N! We don’t have infinite weed! Stop messing this up!”

“I- Are you joking, Jongho!? You pushed this mess onto my hands because you wanted to have a reason to have me on your lap!”

You stood up (faking anger toward him) and walked up to the edge of the building, dancing and prancing around.

Jongho laughed at your cuteness and threw away the very much ruined romantic joint he tried to do with you. He walked over to you and placed his hands on your hips.

“I won’t get high tonight but at least I was happy.”

You looked at him, surprised at the sweet comment. The sunlight gave his skin a golden tone and the slight wind blew his hair back. He smiled at the big eyes you were giving him, and chuckled upon realizing how little it had taken to make you speechless.

“What?” He asked, as you wouldn’t stop staring.

You giggled and placed your hands on his biceps, subconsciously playing with them.

“Nothing it’s just… I didn’t know you could be cute.”

Jongho faked a shocked expression, never breaking eye contact.

“Excuse me! I can be adorable!”

You scoffed and slapped his chest.

“You’ve been cute to me like, two times.”

“Two?” He asked, not remembering what the first had been.

Your eyes drifted away and you blushed slightly.

“Well, you let me stay with you… That was really sweet, thank you.”

Jongho lifted your chin with his index finger, making you look at him.

“And I’m glad I did.”

There was a small, comfortable silence before you spoke.

“Why is that?”

You were eager for the answer. Jongho was unpredictable, you never knew what to expect of him, so you looked deep into his eyes as you awaited a response.

Jongho looked away, before looking back at you and pressing his lips against yours, for a kiss that lasted no longer than a second.

“Because I like you.”

It was incredulous. You expected him to say that, but it was so… unexpected. You opened your mouth to speak, but he cut you off as per usual.

“And I know, I know it’s been like two weeks, but it’s hard not to fall for someone like you once you spend every second of every day with them.”

You blushed slightly and hit his chest.

“Plus, you’re one of the most beautiful women out there.” He said as he caressed your cheek lovingly.

“Jongho, who knew you could be so sweet…”

“I know, right? But then again, everyone is dying and there’s like, a dozen women out there so you don’t have much competition.”

You two laughed, and before you could hit him, Jongho ran away and ran downstairs. Once you found him, you tackled him onto the mattress, but of course he won over you, and began tickling you all over. He’d only stop when you begged and were almost crying.

You looked into each other’s eyes. The dim light coming from the windows setting a lewd mood. Once you had regained your breath, you grabbed the back of his head and kissed him. The kiss lasted a little longer than the previous one, slightly losing its innocence.

You had never gone beyond kissing with anybody, so you were surprised at yourself when you deepened the kiss and rolled your hips against his, you didn’t hate it however. You wanted to continue. The world was ending and you were making out with the hottest man you’d ever been with on a mattress, so if there was a perfect timing, that was it.

You moaned onto the kiss, signaling that you wanted more, but Jongho pulled away rapidly and looked away, a little embarrassed.

“Jongho? Did I do something wrong I-I’m sorry I had never done that before and I-”

“You were fine Y/N, don’t worry… It’s just that. Those things I did… Those girls, it wasn’t that long ago. I don’t think I’m comfortable, I’m sorry, love.”

You felt bad for making him feel like he had to apologize for his feelings. You started to panic, but you had to calm yourself down in order to make Jongho feel comfortable.

You placed a hand on his cheek and kissed his forehead.

“It’s okay Jongho, I don’t mind waiting. I’ll wait for you a million years, even when we’re both old and looking like raisins, I promise I’ll still want you.”

The male giggled, showing the gummy smile you loved oh so much, and buried his face in the crook of your neck.

“I got so lucky… You’re all I need.”

You woke up with Jongho shaking you and calling for your name. You immediately shot awake and sat on the mattress you called a bed.

Your boyfriend threw his heavy mask onto a corner, grabbed both of your cheeks and kissed you passionately. His eyes were teary and puffy. His whole face was red and his coal-coloured hair was stuck to his forehead. You furrowed at the way his hands were shaking as he held you.

“Jongho?” You asked, a little nervous.

“Yes, darling?” He questioned.

His voice was as shaky as his hands, and anxiety started building up in the pit of his stomach.

“What’s wrong?”

His jittery eyes took in all of your features before smiling nervously.

“Nothing baby!”

He kissed your cheeks, your forehead, your nose, and finished up with a long kiss on your lips.

Suddenly, the ground shook. Once, twice… Jongho tried to block the window with his broad back, but you could still see the shiny, shooting star-like object coming down from the sky and colliding with the ground. A loud sound echoed in the air and the ground shook once more before you saw a mushroom-like explosion in the distance.

You couldn’t hold back the tears as panic immediately enveloped you.

“J-Jongho what- what’s going on!?” You asked, your voice rising for the first time in months.

Your boyfriend looked at you with teary eyes and held your face in a way that you couldn’t look at the window.

“Nothing, doll. Everything is fine, we’re gonna be okay.”

Jongho hugged you tightly. You quickly wrapped your arms around him and held him as close as possible, as your brain put two and two together.

The two of you pulled away and looked into each other’s eyes.

“I love you.” He whispered.

And, before you could reply, he pressed his lips to yours, in what you both knew to be your last kiss. So you didn’t pull away. And when the sky fell down, and when the blasting got closer to you, you still didn’t pull away.

And so when everything went black, neither of you noticed, because your eyes were still closed, and you were still holding each other as if the world wasn’t ending, and you were the only thins that mattered to each other.

Your forever wasn’t long, but as you held each other and tears streamed down your faces, you knew that it had been a good forever.

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supernaturallyobsessedchic · 4 years

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When He’s Sick

Pairing: Dean x reader

Warnings: sick!dean (it’s a thing, trust me), man flu (most women in relationships, also maybe some gay men would know the constant struggles when their man is sick the ‘man flu’ (usually it’s a cold)), mentions of depression, mentions of panic attacks, fluffiness

Word Count: 2,466

a/n: was reading @supernatural-jackles preference list, the title is same as her preference when the boys are sick. Here’s my imagination running wild when I should be preparing to post 7 Days to Die. But, Dammit Jen’s so good, plus, Jen, I hope this is okay...I never talked ahead of time with you about it, this happened spontaneously....I guess read and let me know if it’s all good. If not I’ll remove it.

They had been in the town for a number of days. Hunt finished, long finished. But it turns out, someone, somewhere, somehow, the boys got sick with a nasty virus.

Sam was the first down and out. Not throwing up, but heating up with a fever. But his gut feeling like he isn’t going to last. Even if he ate something light on his stomach.

Y/N offered a small variety of foods to the giant. Saltines, applesauce, banana, toast, mashed potatoes, soup, anything light. But he turned it down.

She heard retching in the bathroom. That leaves with the older Winchester. Now when he’s sick, he’s sick. Really sick. Hearing him lose the contents of last night’s supper told her he wasn’t going to be able to keep anything solid down. At least not heavy. But they need to eat something.

He came out after washing up, pale as a ghost. If not dead already. It worried her, seeing how pale he was.

“Any leads on Dick?” He asks, words slurred. A garbled burp escaped. Only to turn into another throw up session. When he felt something coming up, he turned at his heel to make it to the toilet.

It had been weeks since Bobby’s death, Dean was running himself ragged finding Dick. Both him and Sam both wanted revenge. But at least, Sam knows when to stop to sleep and eat. But Dean, has one speed. Go.

She could only shake her head. He needs to take a break.

“You are in no condition to keep this up Dean.” She says from the door.

“Rain or shine, I’m hunting Dick.” He says. He hears her snort. “Oh grow up.” he groans as another wave hit him. Only making him groan louder, unable to throw up.

She took the time to head out to grab some supplies for them before they leave to head to the hunters cabin where they hid out, but also primarily lived.

Grabbing canned soups, broth, and even grabbed a thing of potatoes to mash up. She had weird, not so traditional ways of getting nourishment when sick but also something to be easy on the stomach.

Driving back she heads to their room. Sam still in bed, sound asleep. She hears a moan from the kitchen. To find Dean on the floor.

“Dean!” she says, concerned. Dropping the groceries on the table before rushing over to help him up.

“I’m fine.” He slurs.

“You’re not fine, you’re on the kitchen floor for no reason.” She says, helping him up.

She could feel the muscles in his arms trembling, they were fatigued.

“The floor moved on me.” He mumbles.

As she struggles to get him up right, she had his back at her chest, so his head fell back on her shoulder. He was out of it. But she wraps an arm around to touch his forehead.

“Dean, you’re burning up. We need to cool you off.” She says. Pushing him up to his feet.

“Seriously, I’m fine.” He continues.

He’s up, but knees weak nearly gave out. She has his arm around her shoulder as she practically dragged him to his bed. When his but landed on the side of the bed he didn’t stop the rest of his body to fall onto the bed with a significant bounce.

“No you’re not. You got something, you and Sam both. You threw up, and are running a fever. You need to stop and rest. It’s not gonna kill you.” She says.

He didn’t have the energy to fight her. He doesn’t even fight her when she takes his boots off. Undressing him down to his t-shirt and boxers, tucking him in bed under a thin layer of sheets.

I’m gonna have to play nurse. She thought.

Pulling the thermometer out on the boys. Sam rang a temperature in the hundreds, but it was easily manageable.

“102, just rest up Sam, ‘kay?” she says.

Sam nods. “No problem, this sucks.” He groans.

“I’m making some soup and mashed potatoes. It’s cream of chicken and veggie soup. What’s best is you could also put some of the soup on the potatoes.” She suggests.

“Sounds good, my stomach has calmed down some, so I’ll try some.” He says.

“That’s good.” She says.

“How’s Dean?” he asked.

“His fever is nearing 104, he ate a few saltines before taking the fever reducer. He’ll try to throw up, but it just turns into dry heaves, I can tell they hurt. Whatever he got, it’s worse than what you have.” She says.

“If he gets worse?” he asks.

“He might need to go to the hospital then. For all I know it’s just the flu.” She says.

“The flu can get bad though.” Sam goes.

“In kids and the immunocompromised. And the elderly…And the uninsured…” she listed.

Sam chuckled. “It’s so sad how it’s preventable, but the government makes it a fucking hassle to just take care of your own health.” He says.

“And they die as the end result, because the meds they need or the care they need are too much for them, and they can’t get them. It’s wrong on so many levels. It’s like they’re bullies stealing our lunch money, they’re holding it out of reach and we’re too short to grab it.” she says.

“That’s what I was thinking of saying. But I’m not thinking straight.” He says.

“It’s the fever. Rest up Sammy. I’ll tell the caretaker we’re staying until you two are a little better. At least better enough for the road trip back to the cabin.” She suggests.

“I know I could, him I’m worried about.” Sam says. She nods, agreeing.

She was only able to get them the room for a couple of more hours before they had to move out. Sam was able to eat her soup and potatoes, Dean not so much. The smell of the food made him gag.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I just made it look like your food smells awful, and it don’t. it smells amazing, my stomach is just in knots.” Dean whines, rolling on his side in his bed.

“It’s okay Dean, I know. I could tell you wanted to try but your stomach is making it rough. I’ll just pack it up in some topper wear and I’ll pack us up and drive us back.” She says.

“Um, no, you’re not driving my car.” Dean says, trying to get up. Only to dry heave while getting up, lurching forward, nothing coming up.

“Dean, you’re in no condition. Neither is Sam. I couldn’t get us to stay longer. You’re just going to have to deal with it.” she says. “I’ll help you out to the car when we’re ready.” She says.

The drive was smoother than it could have been. Dean passed out in the back seat; Sam curled up in his usual sleeping position when it came to sitting in the passenger seat.

She didn’t like driving older vehicles. They drove like boats, and this was worse, it was a truck. The year wasn’t that far off, but it was old enough. The four door truck had comfy, inviting seats that took Sam and Dean into dreamland in the instant they got comfortable.

She managed to get the cabin just fine, unpacking without jostling them awake. She got their beds ready with cleaner sheets, Sam was easy to wake up. He was eager to get into a bed. Dean was reluctant, already cozy and relaxed he was content with sleeping in the truck.

“Dean, you can’t stay in here. You’ll make your fever worse.” She says, nudging him awake more.

“Fine.” He mumbles, sitting up sluggishly. Shoulders slumped.

“Come on Dean, I’ll help you.” She says.

“I can walk myself.” He snaps. He’s grumpy.

She snapped her hand away from him, letting him walk himself. But kept to herself after that. But it didn’t really stop her from checking in on him.

Cleaning the cabin she put on her phone her music she’d sing to while doing such chores. Grew up on country music she listened to some old Keith Urban Music, from his albums Defy Gravity, Love, Pain and the Whole Crazy thing, and Be Here, she dusted singing along to Standin’ Right in Front of You.

“Y/N, please stop singing! I’m trying to sleep!” she heard Dean shout from his room.

Feeling guilty, she just hummed the song as she cleaned. She felt bad for a minute, the feeling sticking with her throughout her cleaning.

She cooked up more soup for the boys, cleaned, and once done she just jammed out on the couch with the TV on Spanish Soap Operas. Trying to shake the guilt feeling she had early, as it crept back up on her.

That night, after the boys ate and got situated for bed, one Winchester had something on his mind.

She was watching cable television, surfing here and there trying to get away from Spanish Soaps, but always finding her way back when finding nothing else on. She heard the floor creak behind her.

Her headphones were off, music off, just relaxing watching TV, she turned to see the older Winchester standing adjacent of the couch. Looking exhausted.

“You’re not coming to bed?” he asked. Voice still rough from being sick.

“I’m not tired. Besides, you need the bed. You’re still sick.” She says softly.

“You’ve been cleaning all day, taking care of me and Sam, you’ve got to be exhausted.” He says, something off about his tone.

“Dean, it’s fine. Just go back to bed, rest.” She says kindly.

He doesn’t say anything to that, but sits on the couch with her.

“Do you even like Spanish Soap Operas?” he asks, hiding a chuckle.

“I don’t like Soap Operas period.” She says. “But we got only cable TV, and it’s 2 in the morning. There’s nothing on.” She says.

“I’m sensing there’s more going on.” Dean goes.

“Dean, why are you up in the first place?” She asks. “You’re sick, you need to rest to get better.” She adds.

“Well see, there’s this girl. She’s more than a friend to me. I’ve been kind of a dick to her lately.” He says.

“Dean, it’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have babied you; I should have kept it down when I was cleaning. It’s fine.” She says.

“And I know how sensitive you are, and can be. You love to take care of those you love. I’m the same way.” He says. “I guess I was more mad at myself for getting sick, I was so fixated on finding Dick I even didn’t care how sick I got.” He adds.

“You got a drive in you it’s scary, but it’s fine Dean. You’re only human. You have limitations, we all do. But you got to recognize your physical limitations and give yourself a break, and then get back at it again when you’re better.” She says.

“Back at you sweetheart.” He goes.

“Huh?” she asks.

“You got to know your mental limitations too. I’ve noticed how quiet you’ve been getting since we got sick. Plus, in the past, I’ve seen it happen. Sam mentioned it to me, Bobby knew it. Depression. It’s no joke Y/N. You got to take care of yourself mentally too.” Dean says.

She locks up, her walls going on. And he sees her tense. “And it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it. but you can’t bottle it up. You got to deal with it. But you don’t have to do it alone.” He adds.

She nods, fiddling with her fingers.

“What has that demon told you in your head lately?” he asks.

“I’m not doing good enough to care for you or Sam.” She says quietly. Voice beginning to crack. “Stop trying.” She adds.

“You know that’s bull shit right?” he asks. He can see her shake her head.

“You snapped at me, yelled at me to keep it down.” she says. “That’s when it started getting bad.” She adds.

“And now?” he asks.

“It’s saying he’s going to throw you out; he doesn’t want you or your issues. You’re too much for him.” She says. Her throat holding back a sob.

“I’d never do that to you. You’re more than my friend, you’re my girl. I know I haven’t been the best friend lately. But I’m here now. Yes I’m sick, but I want to be there for my girl.” He says. “I’ll kick this demons ass for you, just tell me what you need.” He adds.

“I’m about to have a panic attack, I can feel it come on, can you hold me through it?” she asks, her voice disappearing.

Not saying a word, he invites her in his arms, and the two cuddle on the couch as she cries her eyes out, shakes and trembles, and works to get her breathing under control.

After a while she fallen asleep in the Older Winchester’s arms, when a wooden creak can be heard in the living room.

“How is she holding up?” Sam asks, walking in.

“She’s asleep now, that was a bad attack from the looks of it.” Dean says.

“How are you feeling by the way?” Sam asks.

“Better, but still a little under the weather. You?” He says.

“A bit better. Just a sore throat now.” Sam answers.

“I say we take care of her tomorrow, even if she’s not sick, but she needs us.” Dean says.

“I agree with that.” Sam says. “You up to carrying her or?” He asks.

“Dude, I’m exhausted. And I really don’t want to move her. Just grab us a blanket and some pillows, we’ll crash here.” Dean says with a groan.

“Sure thing.” Sam says with a tired smile. Heading into Dean’s room, grabbing a few blankets, a couple of pillows and heads back to the couch covering them up, and handing Dean the pillows.

“Night Jerk.” Sam goes.

“Night Bitch.” Dean says.

Sun rose high that morning. Dean woke up with, feeling a warm spot on his chest. Seeing her still asleep, not moving from her spot.

Brushing a strand of hair back, his fingers grace over her forehead. His brows furrow when he feels how warm she feels.

She moans, waking up, causing a dry cough.

“Sounds like someone got sick.” Dean says.

“I feel sick too.” She says, her voice rough and scratchy.

“I finally get to return the favor, and take care of you for a change.” He says with a big grin, hugging her close making her giggle.

“I’m loving it so far.” She says hugging him back.

Copying and reposting someone else’s content is plagiarism and illegal. This work is property of supernaturallyobsessedchic. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. These works contain material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of these works may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher. An electronic reference link to the original posted work may be provided for purposes of promotion or assistance of publication by the readers discretion, if proper credits are given to the author in the re-post. 10/2/2020

Dean Taglist:

@pandazombie69, @luci-in-trenchcoats, @supernatural-jackles, @becs-bunker, @mlovesstories, @winchesters-favorite-girl

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owlsbride · 4 years

Text

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, dear~ You are very much need it right now~." Undertaker chuckled walking to the young doctor, putting the list back in the pocket of his coat.

"What the he..." Genna almost screamed in fear, losing her balance. That was all, she was going to fall, the curious step into the void would now be real, and her life would end, she would fall slowly and without pause until hitting the pavement. Well done, Genna. She closed her eyes.

"Heh, heh, heh ~ hold on there, not so fast dear doctor" Undertaker laughed, grabbing Genna's arm firmly preventing the fatal fall. "Why don't we walk away from the edge and talk for a while." She locked her eyes with the man holding her tightly without being able to say anything. Those greenish eyes,

they were strange, almost hypnotic, she had never seen eyes like this in anyone before, they did not seem real. She let herself be dragged to a safer place, the grip on her arm loosening a bit. Still, the man didn't let go.

Genna took a deep breath in and out a few times to calm her breathing and her heartbeat. It had all happened in a rush: she had gone up the rooftop, lit a cigarette, and flirted with death by getting dangerously close to emptiness. She didn't know if she would jump or not, but for a moment the possibility had been real, and now a strange man with long silver hair, vibrant eyes, and a huge scar over his face, had saved her life.

"You shouldn't be so curious about death, pet~" Undertaker spoke softly letting Genna's arm go. "You face it all the time~ You should know by now that is not that interesting." A mocking tone in his voice. Genna came to her senses; she snapped herself from the hypnotic moment walking a few steps back away from the black-clad figure. This was surreal and dangerous.

"What the bloody he... Who the fuc... I almost.. You... You..." Genna stuttered taking from her pocket the chinstrap "You really shouldn't have touched me, you... you should wear a mask, stay away" Genna spoke, lifting her arms in front of her to prevent Undertaker's advances. He burst out laughing. This girl was funny, unintentionally funny. He crossed his arms, waiting for the young doctor to regain her composure, once he saw her calmer, he smiled calmly before speaking.

"A mask? Like this one?"

Genna couldn't believe what she was seeing. The stranger placed an old mask with pointed beaks on his face, like a terrible bird, even in the dark she knew, it was the ancient mask of the plague doctors.

"You're a psychopath, I have to get out of here" She tried to run to the door, but it was impossible. He burst out laughing again as he held her by the tail of her medical gown.

"Let me go" She cried out.

"Shush, my dear~ you really gave me a first-rate laugh here~ heh, heh, heh." He stated releasing her robe and standing still. "Remove that devilish chinstrap from your pretty face, my dear doctor. We don't need it right now" His eyes glowed in all his glory and Genna couldn't do anything else but obey. There was something about this man, after the first shock, he seems to irradiate confidence, security, even peace. She breathed again, relaxing a bit.

"Who are you?" She asked, looking at the man's face. He was kind of unique, something in him told her he was not normal, his white skin, his long silver hair falling loose, his long legs covered in leather high heel boots. He had scars, she had seen scars before, but non like these: a big one running through the face, another one on the neck, even in his pinky finger. What had happened to him? He wasn't a monster, on the contrary, he was quite handsome, And his eyes, oh those eyes, what was he?

"My my..." He spoke once more folding his arms "If looks could kill I could drop dead right here and now... Or not." He chuckled "Or better said if looks could undress..." He let the phrase got lost in the air, Genna blushed furiously.

"You are a psycho."

"No, I am Undertaker" he answered knowingly.

"Oh, I see..." Right, it was clear now. Of course, he was an undertaker; he must be working, maybe that explained the look. "So, what's your name?" she asked, "I didn't know that they were expecting you". She wasn't aware that the funerary were able to work this late and freely at the hospital.

"Trust me, love, they know when I'm coming", he said with a dark smile "Just call me Undertaker, Gwenhwyfar."

"Wait, how... How..." Genna started without words.

"Easy now, I work here. At the morgue, I know the doctor staff" He answered dismissively taking a seat on the cold floor, stretching the legs forward and leaning against the wall.

"The fog covers the moon, but dawn is near; come, have a seat." the mortician invited her patting a space next to him.

Genna accepted walking over to him and sat incredible close. This guy was magnetic "Just call me Genna, I thought the morgue was close at this time." She said

watching the horizon behind de London buildings.

"Just working extra hours, helping old colleagues." She puffed some air, he felt silence; hopefully, no other reaper could be around. "Come on, you can smoke, it's not going to kill you right now, and I'm not judging". He spoke frankly. His voice was different.

"Right..." Genna nodded; still, she didn't. Something held her back. "Listen... What you've seen... me, there, at the edge... I wasn't going to..."

"Jump?" Undertaker interrupted "No, but you got extremely curious about it. You could get much, much closer, look down, lost balance, loose the little remained strength you got, and just like that let go." She was shocked. He had red her like an open book, just a moment ago maybe, she was looking for an excuse to finished all. "It would have been a suicide, no matter how many lame excuses you want to wield." His words were harsh, but there was amusement in his tone.

"If you put it that way..." She left the phrase hanging. He laughed again. He was always laughing. She kind of like it, but gave her the chills at the same time. She shooked her head.

"Now, can you tell what got into you, tonight?" He asked.

"I don't know..." She started "I guess I feel tired, useless". she said, releasing some tears.

"Tired yes, useless..." Undertaker began smiling, whipping away the tears on Genna's face with his thumb "I don't think so." She started to cry, desperately, letting go of all the frustration and tension of the last few months. She poured into each tear the fears, anguish, loneliness that the pandemic had left her, the remembrance of every deceased patient. She wasn't able to run home and sleep with her mother as she used to when she was a child in a stormy night. She couldn't see her family or friends. She didn't have anyone to hold her back and yet here she was, crying her eyes out, hugging a stranger who could be the sweetest or the creepiest man in the world and it didn't matter to her. She let herself be hugged until she calmed down, and he hugged her back. "Now now," The Undertaker broke the silence, gently pulling Genna out of his arms to look at her face. "If there is something that you are not, is useless." Genna looked into his eyes with a frown, and he laughed once more. "You work an almost inhuman amount of hours, save lives and try to accompany each of your patients in the best possible way. You care about them."

"I guess" Genna answered, calmer.

"You must learn that you cannot always win every battle" he spoke with such wisdom. "You will surely win this war, but for now, you must hold on to what you have and trust yourself."

"It is difficult to do it in the middle of this reality." Genna whispered stubbornly. He chuckled.

"Look dear, I know you can't see it now, but a new world is coming, and if you want to be part of it, you have to cope with it and leave your weaknesses to others. You chose this profession, you knew the risks." No one had had time to talk to her the way the Undertaker was doing it. His words were soft and sweet, but she knew that deep down he wanted to tell her 'fuck it all, take a deep breath and kick this virus in the ass'.

"How do you know we will win?" Genna asked, looking for answers and hope in those bright eyes in which she seemed to lose herself hopelessly.

"Oh, you will win ... Eventually. After so much time, having seen so much, experienced so much... I just know ~ heh heh heh."

"So long? But how many ..." She was surprised, the man next to her seemed barely a few years older than her, and yet he radiated the energy and wisdom of a thousand lives lived.

"Heh Heh ~ I just know" the mortician answered looking at the horizon "Oh look, it's dawn."

"Yes ..." Genna replied sadly, she didn't want the moment to end. "I think I have to go back."

"Me too ... It was a pleasure avoiding your death."

"Ha, very funny" Genna snorted "Will we see each other again?"

"I hope so" He answered smirking. Genna was already at the door, work does not wait, and now she had renewed strength.

"And Genna, My dear doctor ..." She turned to see him once more "This too shall pass". She smiled confidently and walked into the hospital, while a laugh was lost in the air.

Notes:

So this is the end!!

I enjoyed writing the story, I hope to read what you think and how you feel about it. I don´t know if I´m ready to let this too go, so maybe in the future, they would meet again.

Again It was a pleasure! Now I want to read and listen to you.

#fandom #fanfiction #love #fan #kuroshitsuji #undertaker #review #shinigami #blackbutler #grim reaper #short story #story #share #read #follow 👑 share ❤️ enjoy 🍑#yanatoboso #yana toboso #hope

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jazy3 · 4 years

Text

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 16X21

I loved this episode! It finally happened! Hayes asked Meredith out and she said YES!!! I’m so happy right now! We're going to see them go on a date and have drinks next season! It’s all I could have hoped for and more! I can’t wait! This episode was a finale that wasn’t supposed to be a finale. With that in mind I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it was great! I loved this episode! Mainly because it delivered on the one thing I’d been hoping for since the mid season premiere! It didn’t have the usual shock factor that comes at the end of a planned Grey’s finale, but it was exciting and we got movement on pretty much all of the major storylines up to this point. It’s not where the cast and crew were planning to leave things for this season, but with the sudden onset of the COVID-19 virus and the mandatory shutdowns worldwide they were forced to halt production when filming for this episode had wrapped.

So with that in mind this episode leaves things in a pretty good place with some great set up for next season. Originally the shutdowns and the quarantine was supposed to be temporary and so I had hoped that they would be able to come back and film the remaining four episodes for this season as from what I’ve read the scripts have already been written and the plan was already in place. Unfortunately, since none of us know when the quarantine will end they have decided to roll those episodes into next season and rejig what would have been episode 16X22 to make it more exciting so that it can be the season opener for Season 17.

While I’m sad we won’t see the remaining four episodes as planned this hopefully means that there won’t be any filler episodes next seasons as they’ll rejig and add the four from this season and then write 21 new ones. So let’s talk about that scene with Meredith and Hayes! It was so so great! After hearing the news that she and the other doctors had finally found a diagnosis for Richard’s condition Hayes sought Meredith out as she was leaving for the night. He congratulated her on a great catch and asked her if she’d like to grab a drink with him and celebrate. She said yes, but said she was to exhausted to go out right now and asked her if he’d ask her again some other time. He said of course and told her he’d see her later and she said goodbye for the night.

There were so many things I loved about that scene! It was perfect! I loved that Hayes respected Meredith’s boundaries. He didn't push or try to change her mind. He understood what she was saying and accepted it. With any other love interest they’ve put her with that would have been a whole thing. They would have tried to change her mind or argued with her or tried to convince her and that’s not okay. But Hayes doesn’t do that. Why? Because he’s a mature adult who’s got his stuff together who understands the concept of consent and that yes, but not right now does not mean convince me.

I love that he's so understanding! He gets it! She's tired. She wants to go home and sleep, but she also wants to go out with him when she's feeling better and he wants that too! I can't wait to see them go out! I'm so happy. He's so smitten! Just the way he looks at her! And the way she looks at him! She's so into him! My heart! I love that they established that Hayes doesn’t like setups and he doesn’t even know that he’s in one right now! Jo’s sure not going to tell him. Where would be the fun in that? And he’s right that people are talking about his personal life when he’s not around. Specifically, the fact that Cristina sent him across the Atlantic and set him up with Meredith and everyone’s into it. I love it so much!

Also how deceiving was that episode description? “Hayes asks Meredith a surprising question.” It’s only surprising if you’ve never seen the show before or aren’t caught up on this season! Hayes has been into Meredith since he got to Seattle and Meredith has been into Hayes since they worked that Vaping case together. It’s very obvious in the googly heart eyes they keep making at each other all the time. I love that Hayes asking Meredith out was done in a subtle way with not a lot of fanfare. I really loved that. Because the episode description made it seem like it was going to be this big dramatic thing and I love that it wasn’t. Because real life is not like that. Real life is about the small moments. The intimate moments. The moments that matter. That come naturally when you build up a rapport with someone over time. And that’s what Meredith and Hayes have built.

I was also worried, especially after the Conference episode, that Hayes was still processing his grief in such a way that he wouldn’t feel comfortable asking Meredith out or that everything that’s been happening with DeLuca and now Richard would make him hesitant to ask her out or take the next step. Instead, we saw the opposite. Jo made comments about how him and Meredith would be good together and implied that other people thought so too. He heard about the nonsense that DeLuca had pulled yet again and he heard about what was going on with Richard and his eventual diagnosis. Instead of preventing him from asking her out it actually propelled him. He heard about what had happened with Richard, sought her out, offered his sympathies, congratulated her on a great catch. He then used that as a spring board to ask her out and in response she reciprocated his feelings and said yes! It was subtle, simple, and sweet. As it so often is in real life when you meet the right person.

I’m a big Taylor Swift fan and the slow burn they’ve created for Meredith and Hayes and the way he asked her out really reminded me of Taylor’s music and album journeys from reputation to Lover. The reputation album is about the death of Taylor’s reputation and her response to it. But as she has spoken about in interviews it’s also about a beautiful love story. It’s about how in some of her darkest times she found and formed the most beautiful and amazing relationship with her partner Joe. There’s this undercurrent running through the album about that relationship as it begins. Then in Lover it blossoms fully and we get to hear all about it and how great finding that kind of whole hearted love really is.

To me there is such a great parallel between that musical journey and the relationship we see forming between Meredith and Hayes. It’s this beautiful undercurrent that’s forming amidst the constant chaos that is Meredith’s life and that’s a wonderful thing. It’s this steady current in the background that once given the chance to fully bloom will blossom into this beautiful thing. I’m excited that we’ll get to see that next season. Hayes was back in a big way this episode and I loved it! I love him as a character. I really hope they make him a series regular next season because he is great and he needs more screen time. The female patient Daya who couldn’t express emotion or smile because of her condition and needed facial surgery was hilarious!

I'm really glad that they figured out what was wrong with Richard and he's on the mend! I'm glad Richard kicked Catherine out. She deserved that and in fairness to him he doesn't remember her being there. It looks like he doesn't remember anything prior to the Conference so I get why he's mad. He was also real petty about it and I loved that. Although I was surprised that Meredith wasn't in his room with Maggie and Jackson and Catherine at the end.

She’s his family too and up until he married Catherine she was he’s next of kin, his emergency contact, and had medical power of attorney. Catherine’s left him and was MIA prior to him getting sick, Richard didn’t even know that Maggie existed until a few years ago, and Jackson had barely spoken to the man until Maggie pointed out that Richard thought he was taking Catherine’s side in the divorce. Side note: I’m glad that Maggie and Winston are still texting! Steamily I might add! He should definitely move to Seattle next season!

DeLuca annoyed the crap out of me this episode not because he was wrong, but because of the way he chose to express his opinions as usual. He was right but instead of explaining that calmly to others he screamed at Richard's family and threw a bunch of sharp surgical instruments onto the OR floor while Richard was on the table. I really hope they write him off next season because he annoys the crap out of me, he still hasn’t picked a speciality yet, and I feel they’ve gone as far as they can with his character and then some.

As for that end scene with Meredith and DeLuca here’s how I saw it. I didn't see it as her going home with him. I saw it as she was on her way home when she found him crying on the floor and either drove him home or admitted him for treatment. They established that Carina's back in Seattle so I think she either she drove him home and then called Carina to come take care of her brother or got him admitted and then called her to follow up and then went home and got some well deserved sleep.

I'm glad that he's finally acknowledged that he's got a problem and needs help. That's the first time since he started behaving erratically that we've seen that so that's good. I hope Carina can get him some help and get him admitted somewhere or that Meredith already has. More and more I see the interactions between Meredith and DeLuca as motherly. She’s clearly concerned about him and feels guilty because he went to jail for her and is now failing apart. I hope they write him off next season, but if they don’t I hope he gets the treatment he needs and they both move on or they remain in each other’s lives on a friendly co-worker basis as that’s the only time they ever really work on screen in my opinion. They don’t have chemistry romantically or as friends. I loved that moment in the OR where Bokhee prayed over Richard! Bokhee for the win!

Teddy was a hot mess as usual! I knew the truth was going to come out eventually, but I did not expect that god damn! I'm not an Owen fan, but that scene in the supply closet was still a gut punch. Oof! I loved Tom's speech to Teddy and how he called her out on the fact that she was running into marrying Owen rather than confront her own confused feelings. Teddy really needs to figure out what she wants and pick a lane! I hated the fact that she had sex with Tom in his office and then when he said let's run away together she told him this was goodbye and she was marrying Owen. Who does that? No matter what side you are on here Teddy’s behaviour is just not okay! Oy vey!

I’m glad that Owen stood her up and cancelled the wedding. It’s bad enough that she’s engaged to Owen and carrying on an affair with Tom, but the fact that she had sex with Tom in his office on the day of her wedding and then had the audacity to tell him that was goodbye and she was marrying Owen when she is clearly conflicted is an awful thing to do to everyone. She’s literally hurting all parties involved and that’s just awful. Also how is she planning on explaining this to her kids when they’re older?

Amelia and Link we're super cute this episode! I'm glad that their baby is okay and healthy and that Amelia is okay after what happened with her first pregnancy. She’s been through enough and it looks like she’s finally getting something good in her life with a beautiful new baby and a healthy pregnancy and delivery and a wonderful supportive partner. The throwback to Bailey being there for Amelia like George was there for her was so beautiful! Kudos to Bailey for showing all that strength after she suffered a miscarriage recently!

I'm glad we got to see Bailey spend time with Richard as I felt that was missing last episode. Carina was great in this episode! She has so much potential as a character and I wish they would use her more. She’s such a badass and her facial expressions are always on point. Although I only watch Station 19 sporadically these days I love her relationship with Maya. I’m not an Andrew DeLuca fan at all and I would love if they would start focusing on her more and move her brother back into the background or off the show entirely.

Jo was hilarious! I’m glad she’s getting her spunk back. She reminds me in a lot of ways of Amelia from her early Private Practice days. I loved her comments to Jackson in the OR! Real talk though, what do you think Jackson’s dating profile pic would be? Jet or Yacht? Comment below! Also I love that Jo is so team MerWidow! She totally ships them together! And she's helping to make it happen! Go Jo!

I love how she almost spilled the beans to Hayes about Cristina setting him and Meredith up but then stopped when she realized he didn't know and didn't like set ups. I'm glad she did. Because if she'd said something further then Hayes might not have asked Meredith out. I feel like by the time the truth comes out Meredith and Hayes will already have been dating for a while so he'll be annoyed, but it won't change the way he feels about Meredith. Although let’s be honest nothing could he’s so smitten and he should be! Meredith is amazing and she deserves an amazing man like Hayes.

I saw someone on Twitter comment that it looks like the storyline with Meredith and Hayes beginning to date and the truth coming out about how Cristina set them up was supposed to play out in the next few episodes and I think that’s true. I’m sorry we won’t get to see it this season because of the shutdown but I’m really excited to see this play out next season. Something that did surprise me is that the character interactions in this episode imply that Jo didn’t tell Meredith about what DeLuca did to her and tried to do to her at the bar in the episode ‘Life on Mars’ and still hasn’t told her. I’m surprised by that because Meredith and Jo are friends, what DeLuca did was disgusting and unforgivable, and Jo clearly hasn’t forgotten. In fact in this very episode she made it super clear to Hayes that she detests DeLuca and hates the idea of him and Meredith together and so do others.

This once again brings to light the big problem with DeLuca in that the only reason Meredith went out with him, continued to date him, and continues to interact with him out of concern is because her friends and family aren't being completely honest with her about his behaviour and how he acts when she’s not around. Because let’s face it. If Meredith knew what DeLuca was really like when she wasn’t there she wouldn’t give that asshole the time of day. I can’t emphasize this enough. Your friends and family should be able to be honest with you about the person you’re dating and anyone that’s in your life. They should feel comfortable being honest with you and telling you how they feel. They shouldn’t have to hid the worst parts of them in order to protect you or so that you can be happy. I also don’t get how anyone can ship Meredith and DeLuca together or want him to continue to be a part of her life when he treats the people she loves so horribly and they openly detest him so much.

I’m sorry we have to wait so long to find out what happens next to our heroes. But I am very much looking forward to next season and watching Meredith and Hayes develop further!

Until next time!

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flowersoldier · 4 years

Text

Fungus Monster

Aerith is a special effects make-up artist and Cloud is a guinea pig. Modern!AU

AO3 ff.net

“Cloud!“ Aerith called him one day and he wasn't sure if he liked the over excited tone in her voice. Because it usually meant he had to be a guinea pig. “Cloud, I'm playing a real good game right now and I wanna try something! Please be my model?“

Cloud sighed, having already expected this question. Aerith was learning to be a special effects make-up artist and he usually had to be the one who's transformed into all kinds of things. Maybe he should just tell her no. “Uh...sure.“ Next time. He'll tell her no next time.

“Yay! You're the best!“ She'd said and now, a few days later they met up at his place to work. Well she worked, while he sat there for a few hours and let her put make-up and prosthetic on his face.

“Alright. Sit down and relax.“

Cloud already sat when she started talking and made himself comfortable on the chair, since he'll stay there for a few hours. “I know the drill.“

Aerith giggled and brought everything she'll need for this. “This'll look so cool.“ She said more to herself as she began with her work.

To be very honest...the reason why he kept saying yes to her SFX experiments were to spend more time with her. And because...

Cloud felt himself shiver, when she began touching his face to put all kinds of things on his face and mold it. He never really bothered to memorize what she's using on him, but it didn't matter anyway. He was just a model after all, he didn't need to know that kind of stuff. But whenever her soft fingers touched him all over his face, it always felt like electricity's going all over his body. His stomach filling up with butterflies, his blood boiling, skin tingling, heart running wild.

Every time he was so close to confess Aerith his feelings for her, but he didn't want to ruin their friendship...What if she didn't have the same feelings for him? Things will be awkward forever. “Close your eyes.“ She told him and he did as he's told. Though it only made his senses go high-ware...Things got more intense, at least for him. Cloud had to swallow a big lump in his throat to talk again.

“What monster will I be now?“ He mumbled, as he felt her putting stuff over his right eye.

“What makes you think you're gonna be a monster?“ She asked innocently and if Cloud could, he'd roll his eyes. She's turned him into all kinds of monster till now. “Okay, I'm playing this game...These creatures look really cool.“

“Okay...“ It looked like she didn't want to give him more specific details and waited till he saw it for himself.

To be honest, he didn't know what happened then. He must've fallen asleep at some point. But can you really blame him? The girl he loved was technically giving him a face massage. When he woke up, he only had his left eye to see and he felt all kinds of things glued all around his face.

“Oh, good morning.“ Sang Aerith cheerily. “Had a nice nap, sleepy-head?“ Cloud hummed and tried to wake up completely. “We're almost done. You're a very heavy sleeper, you know that?“

“Wait...what?“ He mumbled, the remaining eye blinking confused. “How long did I sleep?“

“Too long.“ Aerith giggled and Cloud felt himself blushing under the make-up and prosthetics. “Like I said, we're almost done. I wasn't able to wake you up, no matter what I tried. So I just gave up and went back to work.“

The blonde felt guilty for falling asleep like that. Not just because she had no one to talk to, but also because their time together was shorter now. “Sorry.“

“It's okay!“ She said, as she made a few details around his eye. “At least you relaxed like I told you to. You always were a good listener.“ Cloud could only give her a little, sheepish smile. Actually she was the only one who could say that about him. Everyone else told him he couldn't listen to them at all. But they weren't as important as Aerith. And she was the only one he could listen to for hours and never get bored. Her voice was so beautiful like that of an angel and her laugh was like a song he could listen to on repeat.

Aerith added a few more details, before she finally said “Done!“ The blonde's head felt so heavy that he wondered how many of that stuff she put on his face. Getting, up and stretching his tired limbs, he made his way to the mirror and actually jumped at his reflection. “Holy...!“ He was a zombie. But not some 'normal' zombie you'd imagine. It looked like there are fungi growing out of his eye and skull. “What kind of game are you playing?“ He asked, but at the second look it wasn't that bad anymore. She did a real good job actually. It looked so real...

“It's called 'The last of Us'. A fungal virus is infecting the people there, turning them into zombies. It's actually based on a real fungus that infects ants, you know.“ Cloud only hummed. Yeah he's heard of this game before, and how good it's supposed to be. But he didn't have the time to play it yet.

“So? What do you say?“ She asked him then, looking at him with big and hopeful eyes.

“It's really good.“ The blonde answered, looking from her, back to the mirror. It looked amazingly good. That girl had some big talent.

Cloud looked at her again, when she gave him the biggest smile he's ever seen on her. “I'm glad you like your new look! Thanks for being my model. Again.“

He couldn't help but give her a small smile in return. “No problem.“ Then he noticed her grabbing her phone from a table and pointed the camera at him.

“Do you mind if I take some pictures and show it to a few friends and my teachers?“ She asked, as always. And his answer was always the same, too.

“Go on.“ Smiling brightly again, something Cloud grew to love seeing on her and could stare at forever, she took lots of pictures of him from different angles. He even played along and actually pretended to be a zombie for her, following her instruction how these 'Stalkers' behaved and also made a shot where he should pretend to bite her.

“You know, I actually wanted to make you a Clicker. But I thought I should start small.“ Aerith said, once their photo shooting was done.

“Clicker?“ At his question, she tapped something on her phone, before showing him a picture of these Clickers. “Holy shit...“

“I know right! Really cool!“ That's not really the word he'd use...The human face was nowhere to be seen on these Clickers. The fungus grew and spread all over it, covering the face completely. “They're blind, so they use these clicking noises to 'see'. You know echolocation.“

“I know what echolocation is, thank you.“ Mumbled Cloud, only earning himself a giggle from her.

“Maybe one day I can make you a Bloater. I suppose you'll have to wear a fat-suit then.“ She continued, before showing her a picture of a 'Bloater'. That thing was really fat and completely covered in fungi.

“Forget it.“ He said and ignored Aeriths cute pout. “Now remove that monster on my face.“ That made Aerith pout more.

“Really? We just finished, don't you wanna wear that a bit longer.“

Cloud knew that it's a lot of work for her, but...“Why should I? And what if someone comes over? They'll be scared to death.“ Like Tifa. She's usually one to come over.

“You're right...“ The girl sighed and it almost made him rethink it. Almost. Then she went back to her bag and looked for something. And a gasp told him that something's not wrong. “Oh no!“

Cloud tilted his head and went closer to her. “What's wrong?“

The brunette looked up at him apologetically. “I forgot the solvent I need to get this off.“

“It's okay.“ He said, shrugging. “Just get it. I didn't plan to leave my apartment soon anyway. No problem, right?“

Still, she looked very sad and guilty. “I'm still sorry, Cloud.“

He shook his head and gently guided her to the door. “It's no big deal. Things can happen.“

“You really are the best!“ Grabbing her purse, she quickly put on her shoes. “I'll hurry!“

“Don't hurt yourself! And bring the game!“ He called after her, as she ran down the stairs. Then he closed the door again, no need to scare his neighbors to death, and decided to watch some tv till she came back. Weirdly enough, roughly ten minutes later someone knocked on his door. “Well, that was fast...“ He mumbled, even though Aerith had like a thirteen minute way to her place. But when he opened the door, he looked into a pair of ruby red eyes widening in shock.

“Holy shit!“ Tifa exclaimed in panic, backing away from him. Meanwhile Cloud looked around to see if there's someone in the hallway who could see them. There was no one.

“Tifa, calm down.“ Said Cloud in a calming voice, but it seemed to make her angrier. She stomped over to him and punched his arm “Ow!“

“You idiot! You scared me to death!“

Cloud rubbed his hurting arm, frowning at his childhood friend. “It's not like I planned to do this...“ He grumbled, before pulling Tifa into his apartment to prevent a scene in the hallway.

“Why the hell are you looking like a monster?!“

“Aerith came over. She said she played a horror game and wanted me as a model.“ He quickly explained.

Tifa was still staring at him warily. Well, she's never been the biggest fan of horror stuff...“That explains everything...But hey, this might be a good thing for Halloween, right?“

“Thought you didn't like Halloween?“ He asked teasingly, earning himself a glare and another hit on his arm. The same spot.

“Not when people scare me all the time! But when I can have revenge on everyone...“ Cloud couldn't help but smile a bit, thinking of all the Halloween parties they went with their friends -he was dragged there involuntarily- and ended up scaring Tifa to death with everything they've got.

“You'll have to ask Aerith if she can turn you into a monster.“

“Oh, will do!“ Then she seemed to realize something very important. Cloud wondered when she'll notice already. “Hey...where is Aerith? She's not hiding somewhere to scare me, right?“ She asked, looking around.

“No, don't worry. She forgot the stuff to take of this stuff.“ He explained, pointing at his face.

“Well, you know, I think your face looks better than before.“

Cloud ignored her laughing at frowned at her. “Funny.“ They were interrupted, when they heard someone knocking on the door. The blonde was about to answer, but then remembered how he looked like. If it's anyone else but Aerith again, this won't look good. He looked to Tifa, asking her silently to answer the door.

“I'll get it.“ She said, having understood his look and went to the door. Cloud couldn't see who it was, but he heard some squealing. “Hey, Aerith!“ Greeted Tifa way too loudly and hugged the older girl.

“Tifa, nice to see you.“ The girls came inside and Aerith took off her shoes. “What are you doing here?“

“Oh, just wanted to pay Cloud a visit. Didn't expect him to turn into a zombie though...“ She glanced at Cloud, who just shrugged his shoulders. It wasn't like he planned this to happen.

“Sorry, this is my fault-“

“Did you scare me to death with a zombie face?“ Interrupted Tifa, while Aerith only shook her head. “Then it's not your fault.“ The girls smiled at each other and it seemed that they forgot that Cloud was in the room, too.

“Ahem!“ He fake-cleared his throat loudly to get their attention. And he got it. Aerith looked at him and seemed to remember why she was here in the first place.

“Oh! Sorry, I'll remove this real quick.“ Then she rummaged in her purse and pulled out a bottle of solvent for make up and whatever else stuck on his face.

Cloud sat on his chair and made himself comfortable. Removing this didn't take so long, but he used every moment he could to relax. “Go to work then.“

“So bossy...“ Mumbled Aerith. He didn't need to look to know she's pouting. But he did look when the girls were giggling. Though he couldn't tell what they were talking about telepathically. “Alright, let's cure you from that fungal virus.“

“Please...“ Aerith grabbed everything she needed and came to his side to finally free him from this mask.

“Okay, I guess I should get going then.“ Said Tifa a moment later, making Aerith stop.

“What? Why? You can stay.“

“This is still my apartment...“ Cloud mumbled, frowning at Aerith. Not that he didn't want Tifa to stay, it's still his decision if he wanted someone to stay or not.

But the girls ignored him completely. “Okay. How about I'll get us something to eat then?“

Aerith grinned at their mutual friend happily. “Yay! I'm starving!“

Then they looked at him as if they actually asked him for permission. Or at least his opinion. Because even if he said no, they'd do whatever they wanted anyway. “Sure.“

“Burger sound good?“ Suggested Tifa, which Aerith immediately agreed on.

“Sure.“ Mumbled Cloud again, he was hungry enough that he could eat anything right now.

Tifa went to the door and put on her shoes. “Okay, I'm off!“ She called and left them.

Smiling more to herself, Aerith turned to him and began with her work. It really didn't take that long to get it off. After removing the prosthetic, he could just peel off the mask. Still, he needed to wash his face after that and Aerith had to remove some remaining make-up.

And once it was done, he was happy to look at his normal face in the mirror instead of a zombie. “That's better. Feeling kinda hot underneath all that stuff...“ He only heard Aerith giggle at this. She had no idea how it was to be a model, she's only the one putting this stuff on people. One thing was good about this though. His face has never been this soft in his life before. With all the things Aerith gave him to make sure nothing would harm him and care for his skin. She was such a good soul...His angel.

After drying off his face, he met her in the living room. She's turned on his Playstation 4 and started a game. At his questioning look, she raised the cover of that Horror game. “I brought it. Wanna play?“

The blonde came over to her and sat next to her on the couch. “Sure.“ The brunette grinned at him happily, and gave him the controller. Good thing that he allowed her to install whatever game she had on his console or else they had to wait for hours till they could play. But before they could start a new game, someone knocked on the door.

“I'll get it!“ Said Aerith, she practically bounced off the couch and skipped to the door. Cloud smiled slightly, as he watched her opening the door. She always brought the sun with her wherever she went. And her cheery nature and happy mood were like a virus, infecting everyone in an instant. “Come in, come in, we just started the game!“

Tifa entered the room with multiple bags from McDonalds and looked at the tv screen. “Which one? That horror game...?“ She asked, as she put the bags on his coffee table and sat down next to him.

“Yeah. I told Aerith to bring it. Wanted to play it for months now.“ Answered the blonde, staring at the screen as the first cut-scene began.

Tifa cringed visibly. “Maybe I should really go now...“ Yep, Tifa would prefer to avoid anything that could be scary.

“No, you can't just leave! Come on, play with us. Maybe you'll love it.“ Aerith fished a burger out of one of the bags and sat down on Clouds other side. Cloud himself was now sandwiched between the girls. Cloud took a glance at Tifa. She already looked frightened, even though nothing bad happened yet. There was just a father-daughter moment there. Then she nodded and said that maybe she could stay a bit longer.

“Hey.“ Began Cloud. “That girl...She gonna die?“

That earned him a slap on his arm from Tifa. “Don't say such things!“

Aerith looked more curious at his statement. “What makes you think that?“

The blonde shrugged, exploring the girl's room now. “Well...it IS a horror game. Those families usually break apart. Plus she's not the girl from the cover.“ Since Aerith didn't say anything back, he mused he must be right.

And just a span of a few minutes, the virus broke out, the first kill happened, running away from zombies and as he predicted, the little girl died. “What? No! How can they do this?!” Yelled Tifa at the screen, having tears in her eyes.

Aerith just gave her a sympathetic smile, while he just shrugged. “Well, it is a horror game...”

------------------

“You're really heartless, Cloud...” The raven-haired girl grumbled, glaring at him.

“Hey, what did you expect? Of course people die. Also, the way this virus spread so fast is very unrealistic.” Plus the radio was dead very fast, too. Usually something like this took a bit more time to spread. The girls rolled their eyes and watched him continuing with the game. Of course after that scene they jumped a few years, too.

In the end Tifa stayed longer than she wanted, bravely getting through all the scary parts. Cloud and Aerith took turns at playing to let the other eat in peace. At some point it...must've happened again. Next thing he knew, he woke up with his head resting on Aerith lap. Then he noticed Aerith having her hand in his hair, petting him like a cat. It felt really nice. “Huh...?”

The brunette stopped and looked down at him. “Hey, sleepy-head. Good morning.” Cloud rubbed his sleepy eyes and looked around. “Tifa left.” Said the girl, before he could question it.

“And why are you still here?” He asked, before looking at his watch. It was pretty late...She should be home and sleeping by now.

“Well, uh, you didn't want to let me go.” Cloud frowned at that. How did he not want him to leave? She could've just left and let him sleep on the couch. “You hugged me and said 'don't go'.” She explained, which embarrassed him more than the fact that he still used her lap as a pillow.

“S-sorry.” He mumbled, before finally sitting up. “I didn't want to keep you that long. You should go home and sleep.” Cloud couldn't look at her. This whole thing was embarrassing enough and if she saw him blushing, he'll surely sink into the ground.

Aerith stood up and stretched herself. Meanwhile Cloud tried his damned best not to look at her. He'll surely end up staring at her. Again. “Yeah, I better. It was still nice hanging out with you. Even if you slept most of the time.” The older girl giggled, making him blush more. What kind of host was he to fall asleep on her two times?! Cloud watched her packing her things and then followed her to the door once she's done.

“Text me when you're home.” He said, always wanting to make sure she arrived home safely. Until now he kept offering her to bring her home but she always declined, saying she could take care of herself.

Aerith smiled at him sweetly. “As always.” She put on her shoes and turned to him again. “One last thing.”

“Yes?”

“You talk in your sleep.” The blonde frowned and hoped to whatever god may or may not exist up there, that he didn't say anything stupid in his sleep. But it seemed like he did say something stupid, since Aerith leaned over to him and kissed his cheek. “Love you, too.” She whispered in his ear, before leaving without another word, or letting his mind catch up to what just happened. The door closed and Cloud stood there for...he didn't know how long, but it felt like hours. At least until Aerith texted him that she was home. But this time she also sent a heart emoji with it.

Only then did it finally dawn on him that he actually confessed his love to her in his sleep. And she loved him back. He had to pinch himself to make sure this wasn't just another dream.

#fanfics #fanfiction #clerith #cloud strife #aerith gainsborough #tifa lockhart #final fantasy vii #modern au #ffvii #vii #se #square enix

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maxdark158 · 5 years

Text

PART TWO OF BEING INSPIRED AND WRITING ANYWAY

PLEASE check out the amazing @ozmav my friend!! AMAZING!!

Characters are probably OOC because MLB is a kids show and you guys liked stressed and cursing Damian so I kept that going even though it’s probably OOC

Angel in Gotham: Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3 ~ Part 4 ~ Part 5 ~ Part 6 ~ Ao3

Demon in Gotham: Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3 ~ Part 4 ~ Ao3

Fanart for AiG: Riddler ~ Joker thank you @thegreysman

Please tag me in any fanart you draw for this guys ^^

oooOOOooo

Damian tried to ignore his phone after checking it for the thirteenth time. But who was counting?

He was, actually. Because it seems the stupid worry feeling will never fucking go away! It took root, and it’s only growing. Damian wondered if drinking weedkiller works on emotions. The bitches.

He wasn’t even that worried initially! Sure, he wanted his An- Marinette to text him when she got to the hotel, but that was just… a friend thing. It’s what friends ask! And they were friends.

Damian wasn’t worried on the car ride to the manor, he had only checked his phone once then. When his father questioned him about The Riddler incident, he was thoroughly distracted and didn’t check at all. After he left the room he checked twice in one minute just to make sure he didn’t miss anything in the first check.

He checked sparsely while training briefly, adding up to eight… okay, maybe not so sparsely. But at this point the awful god damn plant had grown a mouth and it was gnawing on his sanity, bugging him every moment of peace he had.

Damian was getting really fucking sick of this whole worry business. It was awful! Why did Grayson partake in it for so many years? Why did anyone?

He was beginning to understand his classmates’ sense of humor now. But “I want to ka-shoot myself,” was not as funny as they thought it was.

Damian was so busy thinking about worrying and getting more worried – the fucking circle of life – that when he checked his phone for the fourteenth time, he realized he missed a message from Marinette.

Angel: I’m at the hotel now.

Thank fuck. Damian banished all the worry from his mind – leave, motherfucker – and typed out a response.

Damian: That’s good

Damian: Did you get in trouble?

Wait fuck the worry wasn’t gone. He wanted to smack the phone against his head. Or break his thumbs for typing that without his permission.

Angel: Professor Mendeleiev must’ve been tired or something.

Angel: She didn’t leacture

Damian bit his lip. Marinette needed to work on her English.

Angel: Lecture?

Damian: *lecture

Angel: Quiet, English is hard

He could fucking understand that! It may have been long ago but Damian had to learn once too, ya know.

Damian: Understandable.

Damian: In my original question I meant any of your classmates btw

Holy fucking shit his thumbs would be cut off by sunlight he swears to all the justice league members-

Angel: btw?

Angel: Oh by the way

Damian: yeah

Angel: I’m good at text slang in French, okay

Damian: I don’t doubt you

He really didn’t. Marinette seemed intelligent if The Riddler incident had anything to say about it.

Angel: Anyway Alya tried to bother me but I’m good now

He frowned. Alya? She hadn't told him about her.

Angel: Professor Mendeleiev told her off for bothering me after my ‘traumatic’ encounter with a Gotham villain

Damian: Speaking of, are you SURE you’re alright Angel

Damian sighed, letting his head drop. Okay, fucking fine he was still fucking worried and he hated it. His thumbs weren’t to blame, his fucking emotions were.

He pulled up Google to look up liquid weedkiller when his Ang- Marinette texted back.

Angel: I’m fine

Angel: I’ve survived akuma for three years, I’m not about to let some riddle fanatic with terrible clothing choices ruin my day

Damian: His clothes are that bad?

Good, subject change. Maybe he can stop fucking worrying.

Angel: Too much green, for one

Angel: Green shouldn’t be used in large portions when it’s that bright of a shade

Angel: Also the cloth itself was cheap, but the kind of cheap meant to look expensive if you don’t know cloth good

Damian frowned. That was so fucking obvious. Surely she didn’t actually make that mistake…

Damian: *well

Angel: Whatever

Angel: Also his hat didn’t match the type of suit he was wearing

Angel: If he wants to go old fashioned he should at least match the time period

Angel: Longer coat, more layers

Angel: He is an atrocity

Her comments were appreciable though. He could see where she came from.

Damian: he is

Angel: If I had time to cry then my tears would had been blood

Damian: *have

Damian grinned. If Marinette didn’t want her fucking grammar fixed she should learn how to spell in English.

A different motherfucking bitch of an emotion appeared at that thought. He didn’t like that one either. It made him feel bad for being mean.

Angel: istg

Damian: It appears you’re learning

Angel: Yepp

Damian: Also the Gotham news posted an article online about you

Might as well bite the bullet, right?

Damian: “Unnamed Teenager From France Holds off The Riddler Until Batman Arrives!”

Angel: Wait what?

Angel: But we both held him off?

Damian: I was kind of useless, you did most of the work

God damn it! Damian thought he told that emotion to get the fuck out! He was fucking Robin he isn’t useless, he just happened to not be needed at that exact moment.

Damian: I left shortly after you solved his riddle because the Robins had arrived

He grumbled to himself. He hated emotions. It wasn’t like he hadn’t ever felt them before, but they were easier to ignore. This girl made them hard to ignore, and Damian wasn’t sure why.

He did know that he fucking hated it.

After a moment, he realized h- Marinette hadn’t replied for a few minutes.

Damian: You there?

Angel: Yeah. I was just reading the article

Good. He didn’t want anything to happen- motherfucking dammit.

Angel: The Riddler was bad at hand to hand combat. It was easy to take him down with the practice I have from Paris

Damian: I bet.

He saw the time on his phone. Marinette had more field trip stuff tomorrow morning, right? Shouldn’t she get to bed?

Damian: It’s getting late, Angel. We should go to bed.

Damian: Goodnight

Angel: Goodnight

Angel: Also I’ll find a chat name for you soon, promise

Damian’s smile felt weird on his face but unlike the god damn worry and fucking other emotions, he didn’t hate the feeling of it.

After replying, he prepared to get dressed for his patrol as Robin.

oooOOOooo

“Sooo, Robin,” Drake dropped down next to him. “Want to share why you were at that ice cream parlor with that pigtailed French girl?”

“Fuck off,” is Damian’s extremely eloquent response. He can say it in many different languages.

“Wait, Demon Spawn has a girlfriend?” fucking Todd over the fucking comms in his fucking awful Red Hood suit. At least his current helmet didn’t have the fucking lips.

“No, I don’t-“

“I’m trying to figure that out, Red Hood, so would you kindly butt out of the conversation.”

“Of course Red Robin, good luck getting anything out of him though.”

“I don’t have a fucking girlfriend you numbskulls,” Damian hissed through the comms.

“Wait what’s this about a girlfriend, Robin?” Grayson’s overexcited cheerleader voice screamed. Damian wanted to rip out his eardrums.

“Red Robin, I thought I instructed you to leave him alone about this,” finally, his father, for once being a fucking voice of reason, speaks on the comms.

“Bruce you said I should wait until he admits to having a girlfriend,” Drake sounded too smug, Damian wanted to cut it off his masked face. “We know that isn’t going to happen.”

“I hate this fucking family,” Damian hissed.

oooOOOooo

Marinette hadn’t missed her field trip this time. Or had she? Maybe she slept in really fucking late. Damian didn’t know. He didn’t know what her sleeping schedule was like.

She could have also been captured or killed. Those were not fun thoughts. The fucking worry was back, like a virus. Damian anxiously awaited his weedkiller.

She likely wasn’t kidnapped or dead. His father would have known by now and would have told him. He hopes. If his father didn’t tell him he’s a fucking asshole.

“Master Damian.”

“Yes?” he turned around to face Alfred, grateful to be away from the god damn brain-eating plant in his head.

“I simply wanted to prevent you from walking into that wall,” Alfred gestured behind Damian.

He glanced and – yep. Fucking hell. He almost walked into a wall because of the god damn weed of an emotion forcibly taking his mind hostage.

He was having a grand ol’ time.

“Perhaps you would like to go for a drive?” Alfred asked, a single brow raised.

Damian hesitated. “Alright. Where do you want to go?”

“We can figure it out in the car, Master Damian.” Alfred went to grab the keys and his shoes. Damian checked on when his weedkiller would arrive.

A week.

Fucking fuck fuck.

He should have paid for one-hour shipping.

“Are you ready to go, Master Damian?”

“Yes.”

Alfred didn’t try to talk to him during the drive, for which Damian was grateful though. He hated this emotion thing, and people forcing him to talk made it so much worse.

His phone buzzed. Damian pulled it out and checked it.

Angel: Kill me now

His eyes widened. What happened? Is she okay? Did someone- god fucking motherfucking dammit bitch.

Damian: What’s wrong?

Stupid god damn worry.

Angel: We have to all get lunch as a class before I’m free

Angel: I’m in the group with Liar Rossi

Damian raised a brow. Marinette hadn’t told him much about this girl in her class, but he knew she lied and nobody but Marinette knew she lied.

He didn’t like her.

Angel: Death would be sweatier

Damian: *sweeter

Angel: Rude

Damian: Anyway

Damian: You can’t die yet

Damian: We still technically didn’t get ice cream

Absolutely wonderful excuse you fucking asswhipe. Damian should be a politician with that reasoning.

He looked around, recognizing the streets. They were a bit weird from the actual street instead of the rooftops, but-

Damian: Also you’re at the Gotham City Heroes and Villains Museum right?

Angel: Yes I am

Damian fought to keep the smi- self-satisfied smirk off his face. Bingo.

Damian: I’m nearby

Damian: I can pick you up for lunch

Angel: OMG really? Please do I’d really really like that

Damian: omw

“Alfred,” Damian leaned up toward the front seat. “Head to the Gotham City Heroes and Villains Museum? I’d like to pick someone up.”

“Of course Master Damian,” Alfred’s tone didn’t betray anything about his thoughts, but for some reason that was calming to him.

The car drive to the museum was fairly short, if Damian was honest. They were only a few minutes away to begin with anyway.

When they arrived, Damian saw a redhaired girl with glasses yelling at his An- Marinette. At Marinette. He couldn’t hear what Marinette had said, but it must have been good. The red-haired girl’s jaw fucking dropped. The people behind her looked fucking dead.

Priceless.

Marinette saw him and he waved. Alfred unlocked the door, and Marinette got in. She didn’t look back at her classmates' faces as Alfred drove away.

Shit. Something must have happened. He wasn’t good with emotions though, after all he ordered weedkiller to see if he could get rid of fucking worry.

So, Damian Wayne did what any Wayne would do when faced with emotions.

Ignore them.

“Where would you like to eat, Angel?” Damian asked.

Shit, fuck, too insensitive.

Marinette shrugged. “I’m not sure, I don’t know what’s here.”

She sounded so goddamn miserable-

Damian frowned. “Angel, you okay?”

Fucking shit, stupid mouth. Learn the fucking rules. He should be banned from fucking talking.

“I’m okay,” she mumbled. “I’ve got a lot on my mind right now.”

Damian wanted to press the issue but decided against it. If he was happy when Alfred didn’t make him talk feelings, maybe Marinette would be too.

He was a friend first – wait first before what, exactly?

“Alfred, can you take us to the nearest,” he glanced at Marinette. “four-star restaurant?”

“As you wish Master Damian.”

He hoped Marinette didn’t feel out of place, but he wanted to lift her spirits. She deserved to smile – that was a weird fucking sentence what the fuck?

Damian is pretty sure he’s losing his marbles.

“I know,” Marinette suddenly blurted out. “I know you’re Damian Wayne.”

Fucking fuck fuck.

Shit. She’s probably pissed he didn’t tell her-

“I just want you to know that doesn’t change anything. You’re still my friend, and I don’t care who your dad is and who you are.”

Damian gaped at her for a moment before shaking his head. He should have fucking told her, he’s an ass. “I’m sorry you had to find out on your own. I should have told you-”

Marinette interrupted, “you didn’t have to. You don’t owe me that.”

He was confused. What?

She didn’t want to know who he was right off the bat? She was okay with that secret?

“As a stranger or even a friend, you don’t owe me any details about who you are. Ever,” Marinette told him. “You’re allowed to keep secrets and not tell me things you aren’t comfortable sharing. It isn’t fair of me to demand you tell me everything.”

Holy fucking shit.

This… this woman…

“Thank you,” he said earnestly. “I… nobody’s ever said secrets are okay…”

Marinette shrugged. “I can’t help if I feel left out, but forcing you to tell me everything isn’t how friendship is supposed to work. If you don’t want to tell me, it’s okay.”

Damian’s smile was small, and it felt a bit out of place on his face. He couldn’t find it within himself to care.

“Perhaps instead of a restaurant, I can take you both to the mansion for your lunch?” Alfred, the god damn traitor, suggested.

He wanted to say ‘have you lost your god damn marbles, Alfred?’ but he didn’t.

Instead, he said, “You sure Alfred?” like a fucking loser.

Marinette glanced at him. “You don’t have to if you aren’t comforta-”

“No, it’s not that,” he assured. Why would she think he was uncomfortable? His brothers were menaces, but he was used to them! Marinette, however... “My brothers can be… rambunctious.”

Drake and Todd were going to have a fucking field day, especially after what they pulled last night over the comms. He was lucky Grayson was working today. But those two motherfuckers…

Marinette smiled. “I can handle them if that’s the only reason you’re nervous.”

Damian thought for a moment.

Fucking fuck fuck.

He hoped she could. Because if they caused her any unnecessary harm or discomfort he would murder their asses.

With pleasure too.

But one look told Damian that he wouldn’t need to. This girl was going to be the death of him. He hoped the weedkiller was miraculously early.

He sighed. “Alfred, please talk us to the mansion.”

“My pleasure, Master Damian.”

Fucking fuck fuck.

#daminette #Marinette #Marinette Dupain-Cheng #marinette x damian #damian wayne #damian wayne au #marinette dupain cheng #maridami #damimari #maribat #fic #fanfic #fanfiction #batman #batman fic #miraculous ladybug fanfiction

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pearloftheorient · 4 years

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sorry to not be a fandom blog or roleplay blog for a moment. i just feel like i wanna express a bit of a heart-to-heart, just a quick rundown of whatever’s going on and how it all happened from my perspective. i mean i don’t even care if nobody reads this, but as someone who expresses a lot more in writing i feel like i should take this opportunity to help unload, you know?

so the lockdown definitely hit us here on friday the 13th in march, which didn’t feel as bad as it was. as a nurse i’ve had this weird concept that a lot of the common diseases that spread around can easily be blown up by social media (hold that thought for later lol) and i just you know, say you should just wash your hands, it’ll be okay. i mean i tend to take the logical route when it comes to health care?? because that’s what i studied and i feel like i owe it myself not to panic TOO MUCH. plus, my husband (an intellectual) also had the same attitude towards media being exaggerated, so like i’m copying his cool attitude as much as i can. i mean we even went to budapest just a week prior, watched a play, mingled with clusters and clusters of people..... and even though people already started wearing masks, i even make fun of them for wearing it wrong or just being quite excessive and wearing gloves in public (i still don’t like seeing gloves in public and if you’re a health care professional you might feel exactly the same way)....

and then they told me on that friday that all of the training days for the next three weeks that i have worked hard to set up, study for, book on rotas, juggled, invited speakers for (i’m a nurse-educator and i organise staff training as part of my job) are now to be stopped. my staff are now asking me about their learning opportunities, is the course gonna go on, and i feel a bit more responsible to give the correct information but i just don’t know where to get it??

then come monday, it was a whole different story again. since the non-clinical aspect of work has been indefinitely stopped, i am one of the people who had been expected to go back into the clinical area and handle patients (i mean i still do this despite my role, but i now have to do it more often). which was fine because handling patients is my happy place, i feel like it is within my remit, i know exactly what i’m doing most of the time, i have a smaller scale to tackle and that’s gonna ease my brain a bit while the world starts to fall into chaos. i’ve done this for the next few weeks. i did mostly clinical shifts, and just do some admin stuff like once a week?? just so i can keep up with the new developments and properly disseminate information, like what PPE are we gonna have, train people in wearing them, what we actually need to do if we get patients with COVID, crash courses for those who will be redeployed, cancelling and cancelling and cancelling study days and training days and finding multiple alternative ways so people still maintain standards despite not having the face-to-face training....

as a nurse-educator, i also feel like i should always watch the news and be aware of the latest guidelines, what WHO wanted us to do, how am i gonna apply this for my colleagues and the safety of our patients... so i’ve done that on a regular basis, and my brain is just filled with information and i actively help in setting up bedspaces with the initial instructions of what PPE to wear....

and then towards the end of march, people are dying. and the fact that it was building in numbers made it more real. and now i started to question what i already know, if we’re actually doing the right thing, but why do other countries do it differently?? why do other hospitals do it differently?? how come people are still on the street?? decisions from the government and the big execs just fluctuate and this trial and error approach just all of a sudden.....became the new normal.

and then we’re all like, but we just have to work together - since all of our non-clinical stuff had been on standby then we can just focus on working clinically, doing patient care. and then i was given the instructions to gather nurses from my unit (we deal with neonates - babies - like i personally haven’t got a clue on how adults work anymore as i haven’t handled one for like 15 years) who can be redeployed based on their previous experience. redeployment sometimes is viewed as heroic, like wow you’re brave to work in adults despite your rusty experience just for the sake of helping with the pandemic, that’s Great. and then to some, it is their worst nightmare, being redeployed is like being fish out of water - going back to square one, not knowing exactly what you’re doing (remember how i was so confident doing clinical?? yeah that’s only for neonates). and then the solidarity feel like, yeah but at least you’re not alone? we gonna support you?? you’ll get all the special messages, a round of applause, because you’re doing something so brave. i wasn’t redeployed, but six of my colleagues are - and every time they talk to me about how stressful it was and how scared they were being uncertain all the time and surrounded by death and suffering, i felt responsible for putting them in that position.

and then i started to feel sadder and sadder. but i can’t stop working, i am physically well, i am strong enough and i am a Great addition to the numbers. besides, with all this redeployment, we are also receiving some temporary replacements who simply had no idea how neonates work! (it’s like a full exchange programme but with little training) and it is my responsibility to make sure they are trained (i mean look, we all did LONG ASS courses to reach where we are in terms of knowledge, months and months of clinical exposure to the area to gain experience, but now i’m asked to train all of them for just ONE DAY.) and so after training, i’m like this mother duck chasing all the ducklings making sure nobody goes astray. so that was the first two weeks of my april.

it’s also when i decided to stop watching the news or looking at social media about the virus because i have enough stress going on, and i don’t wanna like sound so depressed whenever i’m teaching this new people that are coming to us. i have to be open and warm and welcoming and maintain a cheery attitude despite my patience running so infinitesimally thin. i’ve always been known for my calmness and patience. i may be an anxious bean but i’m quite good in not letting it show in my handiwork.

so i know that’s been stressful - but the good things, i am definitely thankful for. people stepping up, working hard and together with less animosity. the free food was overflowing, i don’t even have to bring lunch at work anymore because there’s always something, even fresh produce because tbh everything hurt after a hard day’s work that you can’t even go grocery shopping :p we had this really posh resto that gave us free breakfast every single day and normally in this resto you like have to make reservations at least 6months before to be worthy lol. despite the back and forth decision making, we do have the right equipment to do our work, and with the virus not usually affecting the little ones, we are not heaving as much in terms of the amount of patients. and just the love, the supportive messages, the rainbow drawings, the applause - i mean just wow.

i guess the more i’m fueled to work harder. and the fact that i get to keep my job when a lot of people had been furloughed or lost theirs, i just feel i have to make it count and continue helping in ways i know how.

i have just trained the last two nurses to come (so far) when i got called that my husband got sent home because he got ill. and he is a nurse too, looking after adult patients with covid so he is getting far more exposure than me.

by protocol, i am automatically self-isolated because of him. and so for the last week of april, we are on a full lockdown, with him on a sickbed and me trying to “work from home”

i am working from home and my colleagues continue to ask me questions about work, i write guidelines, mark essays, basically all the admin stuff i’ve stopped doing because i have been pulled into clinical numbers. i constantly dreaded how my husband will be - knowing the scary stories about how the virus treated some people and the rising number of deaths, especially among frontliners. he was fine and got better, thankfully. and then i fell ill that very weekend - and i became a full dramatic binch for a week because my fever and muscle weakness definitely prevented me from doing anything productive. (this is when i binge-watched the untamed lol)

but then we both got tested and we’re both negative lol. whatever the fuck that was surely knocked us down but thankfully it wasn’t covid WHICH MEANS we should go back to work sooner rather than later. yay. we’ve been off for a total of 10 days.

and then i returned to work last week, and i felt so exhausted. apparently it was a common theme from those who had symptoms or had self-isolated (even though i am negative) and i just felt like those 10 days despite spending them mostly in bed, i felt like i ran a marathon that entire time and now i’m paying the price.

i still feel tired now after 4 days of work, and i haven’t even been clinical (they gave me the benefit of the doubt that it might be FALSE NEGATIVE) so i haven’t handled patients YET and instead focused on my admin work - which welcomed with its spiky arms fuck that shit we just had the most dramatic cases at work that i had to deal with, and that’s not even covid-related. and so my brain was also like scraped to the core lol

so anyway, yeah i guess that got long.

i mean i still haven’t talked about what’s happening in the background at this point, like my family (they are okay! thankfully. and my mom is very paranoid which means they are always taking care of themselves lol), the government in where i live and where my family lives (lotsa fucked up things happening right now out there too, dammit i’m so sorry philippines), and all my future plans for 2020 that have now been shitted on by this virus, but let’s not get overly dramatic now.

idk i just feel like pouring stuff out because apparently that’s healthy for you.

stay safe. wash your hands. stay at home if you can. frontliners - and i’m just not talking about my fellow nurses - TAKE CARE AND STAY STRONG. AND THANK YOU. but don’t be an extra hero. wear PPE when you come face-to-face with potential risks. take breaks. know where to draw the line.

#garettext #corona virus //#negativity //#hospitals //

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coronavirusremediationservices · 4 years

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With no end to the pandemic in sight, coronavirus fatigue grips America

Gabe Rice began sheltering in his suburban Phoenix home with his wife and three youngest children in March. They worked remotely, learned remotely and put social events on hold to hunker down alongside much of the country.

It was challenging and frustrating, but, Rice initially assumed, temporary. It seemed like a plausible plan to help the nation get the pandemic under control within a couple of months.

But Arizona’s economic reopening in May, urged by Gov. Doug Ducey (R), was soon followed by a spike in coronavirus infections in June, which became a terrible surge in hospitalizations and deaths by July.

Then came August, and the devastating realization for many Americans that the pandemic, which has killed at least 159,000 people across the country and sickened more than five million, is far from over.

“It’s difficult when you think you have a light at the other end of the tunnel to look forward to, and then all of a sudden you realize it’s a train,” said Rice, 44, a program coordinator at Arizona State University.

An exhausted, exasperated nation is suffering from the effects of a pandemic that has upended society on a scale and duration without parallel in living memory.

The Rice family and millions of other Americans are wrestling with difficult questions about how to juggle school, pay their bills and look after their mental and physical health.

Parents lie awake, their minds racing with thoughts of how to balance work with their newfound role as home-schoolers. Frontline health workers are bone tired, their nerves frayed by endless shifts and constant encounters with the virus and its victims. Senior citizens have grown weary of isolation. Unemployed workers fret over jobs lost, benefits that are running out, rent payments that are overdue. Minority communities continue to shoulder the disproportionate burden of the contagion’s impact, which in recent weeks has killed an average of about 1,000 people a day.

Buck Horton reopened his club, Wo-de’s Chill Spot, in Harvey, La., only to be forced into a second closure — by the fire marshal’s office, which cited violations of Louisiana’s coronavirus restrictions. Buck Horton reopened his club, Wo-de’s Chill Spot, in Harvey, La., only to be forced into a second closure — by the fire marshal’s office, which cited violations of Louisiana’s coronavirus restrictions. (Emily Kask for The Washington Post) The metaphor of a marathon doesn’t capture the wearisome, confounding, terrifying and yet somehow dull and drab nature of this ordeal for many Americans, who have watched leaders fumble the pandemic response from the start. Marathons have a defined conclusion, but 2020 feels like an endless slog — uphill, in mud.

Recent opinion polls hint at the deepening despair. A Gallup survey in mid-July showed 73 percent of adults viewed the pandemic as growing worse — the highest level of pessimism recorded since Gallup began tracking that assessment in early April. Another Gallup Poll, published Aug. 4, found only 13 percent of adults are satisfied with the way things are going overall in the country, the lowest in nine years.

A July Kaiser Family Foundation poll echoed that, finding that a majority of adults think the worst is yet to come. Fifty-three percent said the crisis has harmed their mental health.

In a podcast released Thursday, former first lady Michelle Obama directly addressed the mental toll, saying she has struggled with the quarantines, the government’s response to the pandemic and the persistent reminders of systemic racism that have led to nationwide protests.

“I know that I am dealing with some form of low-grade depression,” she said.

Historians say that not even the 1918 flu pandemic, which killed an estimated 675,000 people in the United States, had the same kind of all-encompassing economic, social and cultural impact.

“One of the biggest differences between this virus and [the 1918] influenza is the duration,” said John Barry, author of “The Great Influenza: The Story of the Deadliest Pandemic in History.”

With coronavirus, he said, the incubation period is longer, patients with symptoms tend to be sick longer, and many take longer to recover. Barry said leaders did not make sufficiently clear early on the simple epidemiological truth that this would be a painfully drawn-out event.

“Part of the frustration and disappointment and depression, frankly, is because of the expectation that we’d be through this by now,” he said.

President Trump repeatedly promised a quick resolution. He conjured the image of church pews packed by Easter. The White House recommended 15 days of restrictions. That was then extended by 30 days, to the end of April. On Thursday, Trump said a vaccine could be ready by Election Day, Nov. 3 — a date well in advance of what his administration’s own experts think is likely.

But the virus has repeatedly shown that it has its own timetable. The first wave of shutdowns helped reverse the frightening trend lines of March and early April but came nowhere close to crushing the opportunistic pathogen. And now the season of the pandemic is indisputably the year of the pandemic.

“This will be a long, long haul unless virtually everybody — or a very, very high percentage of the population, including the young people — take very seriously the kind of prevention principles that we’ve been talking about,” Anthony S. Fauci, the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, said in an interview.

“It is within our power and within our will to really get it down to a level that’s low enough that we can do many of the things that would get our economy going again,” he added. “There will be a long slog if everybody doesn’t pitch in.”

Not everyone is experiencing the same level of stress, and everyone’s pandemic struggles differ. Any “essential” worker exposed to high-risk conditions day after day has more urgent concerns than someone merely stuck at home and missing out on summer barbecues.

In Cadiz, Ky., Stephanie Grant has endured one of the most trying years of her life. The 42-year-old lost her job at the end of April. For more than two months, as she waited for unemployment benefits to kick in, she fell behind on her car payment, utilities, insurance and rent for the apartment she shares with her two teenage daughters.

She drained most of her savings trying to remain afloat. She applied for jobs at gas stations and dollar stores. She pursued becoming a coronavirus contract tracer, but that also didn’t come through.

“I could not get a job anywhere,” she said. “I want to get back out there and work.”

As her stress and her bills mounted, Grant turned to a Kentucky nonprofit focused on housing and homelessness. The group helped her catch up on her rent, and the arrival of her unemployment payments in late July have allowed her to catch her breath. For now.

“Right now, I’m wary. It seems like we are falling apart. The stress, the tensions, everything that’s going on. … People are scared,” she said.

And many people are bored, eager to socialize. In Harvey, La., Marlon “Buck” Horton operates a popular bar, Wo-de’s Chill Spot. But Horton’s bar permit was suspended in late July after complaints about what the state fire marshal described as “a large, non-socially distanced crowd.”

Horton, 39, denied the fire marshal’s report that he served alcohol indoors. He said people simply eager to grab a beer crowded outside, and a passerby posted a video of the gathering on Facebook, leading to the crackdown.

“We’re stuck. We don’t have assistance, and we still have landlords,” Horton said last week. At a hearing soon after, the suspension was lifted when he agreed to pay a fine and abide by the state’s coronavirus rules.

Although some states battered by the virus have made progress against it in recent weeks, it has infiltrated small towns with little previous exposure.

In Mississippi, George County is among eight counties that have been told to delay school reopenings for grades seven to 12 until Aug. 17 because of high rates of virus transmission. Superintendent of Education Wade Whitney realized how serious the pandemic had become locally when a co-worker in an adjacent office became severely ill and was hospitalized for five days.

“When that person catches it, it kind of hits you right between the eyes,” Whitney said. “Small-town George County is not immune.”

That co-worker was Matt Caldwell, the director of operations for the school district and the former head football coach at the high school. Caldwell, a big man who played offensive line for the Mississippi State Bulldogs in the early 1990s, had assumed it would be no big deal if he was infected.

“Boy, was I wrong,” he said. “I definitely underestimated it. I tell everybody I talk to it’s a real thing. Those people who think its just a hoax and all that — I know this, I wouldn’t wish what I went through on anybody.”

Jennifer Nuzzo, an epidemiologist at Johns Hopkins University, has become an oft-quoted expert during the coronavirus pandemic. But she’s also a mother who is dismayed that her son Miles, 7, who should be entering second grade in a Maryland public school, will start the year with online-only instruction.

“I’m absolutely devastated. It’s not learning,” Nuzzo said.

The Washington Nationals host the New York Mets on Aug. 4 in an otherwise empty Nationals Park. The Washington Nationals host the New York Mets on Aug. 4 in an otherwise empty Nationals Park. (Jonathan Newton/The Washington Post) This is not just back-to-school season, it’s also the time when many counties and states hold their annual fairs. Those are being canceled right and left. Professional sports is now back on air, but in most cases without fans in the stadiums and arenas. Major League Baseball is trying to keep its revived season intact after several outbreaks of infection.

And there are the ordinary cancellations so many people have endured — birthdays not celebrated, weddings and funerals carried out over Zoom, trips not taken, loved ones not visited.

Joseph and Kelli Crawford of Gilbert, Ariz., had planned to travel to London in April for their 10th anniversary and for her sister’s 30th birthday. Everything was booked: Flights, lodging, tickets to concerts and plays.

They rescheduled for March 2021. But now they worry that even that might be optimistic.

“I’m crossing my fingers. But I’m also not going to be packing my bags,” said Kelli, 33.

A flight attendant, she also agreed to an 18-month voluntary separation from her work. She’ll keep her health insurance and part of her salary.

But she won’t be bored. All four of the Crawfords’ children, ages 4, 5, 10 and 13, are home. The three oldest have begun remote classes. Their 4-year-old daughter has been aching to start preschool since she saw her older brother do so last year. But there is no virtual preschool, so that plan is on hold.

“It’s one thing for the adults to be lonely,” Kelli said. “But these poor kids, I get so heartbroken about the loneliness they’re experiencing.”

There are glimmers of hope for those staggered by this dire moment: The vaccine development for the novel coronavirus appears to be moving at unprecedented speed. There are promising therapeutics that may lower the mortality rate of those who become severely ill.

The pandemic will someday come to an end, experts promise, because all pandemics have. And though SARS-CoV-2 is a slippery and unpredictable virus, it has not proved as deadly as the 1918 influenza virus that swept across much of the planet.

“In 1918, practically every city in the country ran out of coffins,” Barry said. Victims commonly died at home. “All these things led to much greater fear, which meant that people were also more willing to put up with anything that might help.”

Howard Markel, a medical historian at the University of Michigan, said that though similarities exist between today’s outbreak and the influenza pandemic a century ago, American society was different at that time.

Americans had experienced epidemics of cholera, diphtheria and other diseases in the not-so-distant past. They were accustomed to children dying of smallpox, whooping cough and other diseases.

Rep. T.S. McMillan, a Democrat from Charleston, S.C., with two flappers, dances the Charleston in Washington in the 1920s. Rep. T.S. McMillan, a Democrat from Charleston, S.C., with two flappers, dances the Charleston in Washington in the 1920s. (Library of Congress) Unlike today, most Americans also had little confidence that a magic bullet would end the suffering and exasperation. “Another expectation of our era is the expectation that science will come up with a fix quickly,” Markel said. “None of us have the patience for lengthy processes. We live in an instant society.”

Still, Markel said, despite the seemingly endless nature of the current situation, history offers reasons for optimism. When the pandemic of 1918-1919 was over, for instance, people rebounded quickly.

“They went out and started dancing the Charleston, buying raccoon coats and buying stocks and bonds,” he said. “It went from zero to 60 in no time flat.”

This crisis, too, will pass.

“No question, epidemic fatigue or pandemic fatigue is real. We are experiencing it,” Markel said. “But throughout human history, there have been terrible pandemics and contagious threats. Every civilization, every nation, has come through to the other side. And we will, too.”

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homosociallyyours · 4 years

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CW: covid 19/coronavirus related anxiety, poor following of social distancing, previous parent death, shitty mental spiralling that's not behind a cut bc I'm on mobile.

I just talked to my dad and every time I do I get so incredibly stressed and worried. It's not that he doesn't think the virus is serious-- he's aware of the deaths and how severe it's gotten some places. But no matter how much I talk with him about it, he doesn't seem to get the transmission aspect. And he tells me things so casually that scare TF out of me...

My uncle with COPD is STILL GOING TO WORK at the transmission shop my other uncle owns. The uncle who owns the business pays my other Uncle in Walmart cards/basically doesn't give him cash bc of his addiction history (I don't think this is great, but it's something they seem to have agreed upon). So like. He could let the sick Uncle stay home??? And keep paying him??

My dad wasn't bothered by it AT ALL, bc "he has his own workspace." But ??? He's potentially going inside vehicles (which wouldn't be sanitized first) and touching packages that arrive with parts with no projection and...he has. COPD.

So I was like: I just feel like he has a very bad chance of surviving the virus, and can't imagine how awful it would feel to think his death could've been prevented???

And my dad said "yeah" in the way he does when he doesn't want to argue with me. Anyone who knows me (bander) knows I HATE arguing, but my dad is a co-dependent Pisces enneagram 2, which means he is literally allergic to disagreements of all kinds and will do anything to avoid them. 😬

We moved on, and my dad starts talking about realizing the other day that he wouldn't be able to get a haircut during this crisis. I laughed, like oh haha yeah guess you're growing it out lol! And then he told me casually (genuinely seeing nothing wrong with what he was about to say) that he'd called the woman who cuts his hair and she agreed to do it in her little in home salon.

Already I'm like !!!???!!!! DAD NO!! But trying to calm myself like ok at least she's not working in a salon where you're inches from getting coughed on...and then he tells me, "well her other job is as a cashier at food city, and they have lots of barriers there, but she said she still see the same people every day can you believe it??"

And I made him promise not to do it again, but every. Fucking. Time. I talk to him I'm scared it's gonna be the last time. That he'll get sick and not call to tell me bc he doesn't want to worry me, and nobody in my family will tell me bc we are ALL co-dependent enneagram 2s who believe it's our responsibility to Bear It All, Alone until he's actually sick enough to go to the hospital.

And then I'll never see him again, I won't be able to talk to him, I won't be able to go to his funeral. I'm aware that this is anxiety talking and that I'm catastrophizing. (I learned that skill from my mom). And I can kinda put it aside but when I talk to him it's like someone hitting a strength test hammer and sending the little thing up to ding against the top. What do we win? Panic!!!

But at the same time avoiding talking to him doesn't help bc every few days I picture him getting sick and not telling me and missing my chance to talk to him for the last time. Which feels even worse in part bc by the time I got to my mom when she was dying so much of her mental capacity had faded that my last memories of her are of a shell of her, scared and in immense pain and mostly unable to communicate. And yes, it was bc nobody would tell me how she was doing. When I talked to her I could tell she was unwell but thought it was from being extra tired/on heavy meds, not the actual issues she was having. It wasn't until she literally went into hospice care that I knew what was going on.

Anywayyyyy trauma is cool and I'm thousands of miles from my family, honestly pretty safe but scared beyond belief for them. And I just don't know if they Get It. And I needed to vent about it somewhere.

#covid 19 #coronavirus #my family #enneagram 2 = the helper #your basic self sacrificing idiot #my dad isn't allowed to die yet ok #i can't deal with it #i told him that a week or so ago #and he said #'that's not in my plan and i got my plan from god'#dad no #😬

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pcttrailsidereader · 4 years

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Trevor’s Eternal Trail

As a parent and a PCT hiker, I can’t imagine a more difficult but therapeutic testimonial for a father to write. Doug’s son, Trevor, died on March 27th after slipping on ice and falling several hundred feet to his death near Apache Peak not far south of Idyllwild. This poignant reflection that will help Trevor be remembered as a complex, passionate young man and not just a statistic.

In Memory of Trevor Laher by Doug Laher

I am the father of the Pacific Crest Trail Hiker, Trevor “Microsoft” Laher, who perished in the mountains south of Idyllwild, California, this past Friday, March 27, 2020. As you can imagine, we are devastated by the loss of our son. But somehow, my wife and I want to let the world (or at least the hiking community) know who our son was, how much he loved hiking, and why (despite everyone’s best efforts) he chose to stay on trail.

We just don’t want Trevor’s legacy in the hiking world to be that of an anonymous asterisk in PCT lore of someone who died doing what they love. He was a man, a brother, a son, a grandson, a cousin, a friend, and boyfriend to his lovely girlfriend, Elise. He had his whole life in front of him. This is who he was, and this is his story.

One of the greatest days of my life was the day he was born (Feb. 12, 1998, in Cleveland, Ohio). He loved playing sports as a child, but soon realized he didn’t possess the dexterity and speed to compete as an athlete, so he turned his interest and energy to academics, where he excelled. And although we relocated to Texas in 2010 due to the recession, we still cheered on and watched our beloved Ohio State Buckeyes on Saturdays. Some of my fondest memories I have with Trevor are the times we spent watching our team as we proudly donned the school colors of scarlet and gray. The 2010 move of the family to Texas, for a new career opportunity, was tough on 12-year-old Trevor. He threw himself into academics and video games as a mechanism to deal with the sorrow of leaving everything behind in Ohio.

Trevor was introduced to hiking in 2015 when a friend invited him on a trip to Yosemite National Park. They day hiked more than 50 miles in three days. He walked away in love with the hiking and instantly knew that he wanted it to be a mainstay in his life—to climb to mountain peaks and see the soul of our planet. It was as if the world that had existed before had only been visible to him in black and white and now suddenly everything had turned to vibrant colors. He loved the beauty of the trail—the experience and the solitude. He loved the endorphin rush of a physically exhausting climb. He loved hiking by himself. He loved hiking with others. He loved the trail.

Shortly after his trip to Yosemite, he immediately began planning his first overnight backpacking trip with his close friend Alfredo. The flu prevented Alfredo from making the trip with him and thus began my love of hiking with my son. I served as his back-up and went from “Couch to AT” in 12 hours.

We were completely ill-prepared as we set off into the Smoky Mountains on our first backpacking trip. We predictably made all the classic first-time hiker mistakes. We carried too much food, packed for our fears, and off we went with 50-pound packs saddled on our backs. Trevor knew I was not in shape to do this hike when he asked me to join him. I agreed to do it to spend time with my son. He told me, “Dad…I’m getting you to the top of this mountain—you lead the way. We’ll go at your pace. Stop as frequently as you need to. We’ll get through this together.” It took nearly five hours to traverse more than 3,000 feet of elevation gain over five miles to the first shelter. Trevor offered multiple times that we could head back down to the trail head and call it a trip. But we hadn’t driven 12 hours to turn around and head home. We persevered. The trip took a physical toll on my body (chafing, exhaustion, soreness, and two lost toenails). And despite all that, it was an adventure of a lifetime that I will cherish forever.

When it came time to go to college, there was really no decision to be made. Ohio State was the easy choice. While there, he blossomed and turned into an amazing man. He joined the Trekking Club at Ohio State. He hiked the Presidential Traverse in the White Mountains of New Hampshire and the South Kaibab Trail in the Grand Canyon (down and back in less than six hours). He also made at least one trip back to the Smoky Mountains every semester with his good friend Chandler. Trevor simply loved hiking.

Trevor and I would try to schedule hiking trips together when we could, mostly while he was on break from school. Our most recent adventures included Eagle Rock Loop in the Ouachita National Forest and the Outer Mountain Loop in Big Bend National Park.

It was during this time at Ohio State that he developed a passion for exercise and fitness. He was obsessed about being physically fit because he knew he would need it for something he had been dreaming about since he was 17 years old.

About 18 months ago, Trevor told me of his intentions to carry extremely heavy course loads over his next three semesters at Ohio State so that he could graduate a semester early to hike the Crown Jewel of all long-distance trails, the Pacific Crest Trail. I objected at first. It was a source of contention with us for several months. Then, approximately a year ago, I started buying in to the concept of him hiking the PCT. And if he was going to make this hike, I was going to serve as his wingman, his trail manager so to speak.

For months on end, I spent hundreds of hours watching PCT vlogs, reading books, and watching gear reviews. I began the long process of purchasing all of the gear he would require for his adventure. Trevor had two main agendas during this time. First, to study hard so he could finish school early. And second, to focus on maintaining, and even increasing, his already high level of fitness. Trevor ran 30 miles a week to keep himself in top physical condition.

We both obsessed over the trail. As the research and days passed, I became more and more emotionally invested in Trevor’s hike. I wanted this adventure for him as much as he did for himself.

Trevor hiked Big Bend a second time right before Christmas 2019 with his best friend Domenic. In grieving with each other this past week, Domenic told me that “Trevor and I had just finished the trail. I was exhausted and I was looking back at the mountains with amazement, bewilderment, and wonder. It’s at that moment Trevor looked at me and said, ‘Now you know why I’m so passionate about hiking the PCT!’ ”

Trevor’s need to put mileage under his feet prior to his trek was one thing, but his training for the PCT was next level. He deprived himself of comforts knowing that he would not have them on the trail. On our last training hike together (a quick 15-miler), he laid down in the creek bed soaking himself through. Trevor knew there would be stretches of the PCT that he would need to hike soaking wet, tired, and exhausted.

Trevor’s cadence might be as slow as 2.6-2.7 miles per hour when doing a leisurely hike with me, but he could instantaneously turn on the jets at a moment’s notice. I was always in awe to see him hike at a 3.5 mile-per-hour cadence up steep climbs. And he could maintain that pace for hours. He was 6’3” and 200 pounds. He had long legs with a huge stride. If God wanted to create his vision for a perfect hiker, it was Trevor.

Unlike most PCT hikers, Trevor knew he was not going to make it to Canada. Trevor was a brilliant computer coder. He was offered a job at Microsoft, starting mid-July. So, when it came time to securing the permit for a PCT start date, he knew he would have to start early. Even with starting early, he would only have around 100 days on the trail. His target was to reach Crater Lake by July 1 and call it an adventure.

We knew starting in mid-March had its risks. We developed a plan accordingly. If there was heavy snowpack in the Sierra, then he would bail at Kennedy Meadows and head immediately to the Southern Terminus of the 800-mile Arizona Trail. We felt our alternate plan wouldn’t be needed as reports of a low snow year in California made an early start on the PCT possible. We were happy his plans were coming together.

So on March 9, roughly a month after turning 22 years old, Trevor, my daughter Olivia, and I headed to Phoenix, Arizona, to spend a week with his grandparents, after which they would drive him to Campo a week later. Everything was in great shape. And then, suddenly, everything started to unravel.

We got to Phoenix on Monday the 9th. There were growing concerns about the coronavirus, but nothing significant—at least that’s the way it was when we boarded the plane. Upon landing in Phoenix, the world was changing in front of our very eyes. The stock market had crashed. Concerns of the virus were growing with each passing day. That week was full of excitement for Trevor and anxiety for me.

The day before we left, I told him that maybe going on the hike was not such a smart thing to do anymore. But he was within spitting distance of the Southern Terminus of the PCT in Campo, so the yearn to start on March 16 was strong. In his mind, he was practically touching the Southern Terminus. Nothing was going to stop him now.

His sister (Olivia) and I flew back to Texas on Friday, March 13. Saying our final goodbyes at the airport, Trevor gave me a longer embrace than usual—much longer in fact. And in that embrace, he whispered to me, “I love you Dad. Thanks for all you’ve done to help make this adventure a reality for me.” To which I replied—“Go hike the shit out of that trail!”

His grandparents dropped him at the terminus on Monday morning. A few quick photos, big smiles, and some hugs. Then he was off on the adventure of a lifetime.

Trevor pushed himself to Lake Morena on day one. He couldn’t have been happier. It was in Lake Morena that he connected with his tramily. The tramily would morph into larger and smaller groups of people over the coming days, but there were three gentlemen whom he consistently stayed with through the entire journey: Leo from Milwaukee, Jannek from Germany, and Cody from Australia—the latter two were with him on the morning of Friday, March 27, when the accident happened.

His group hiked through a snowstorm, pulling into Mount Laguna on Wednesday. They were fortunate enough to hole up in one of the tiny houses to escape the snow. Their game plan was to stay there two nights as heavy snowfall was scheduled through Thursday. But they wanted flexibility in their plans and only booked one night. When they called the next morning to book a second night, they were told the tiny house had already been booked. They had no choice but to head back out into the snow.

I spoke with his hiking partner, Leo, this past Saturday. He told me how miserable that day was. They were cold, soaked to the bone from the heavy wet snow. They were miserable. The group struggled unsuccessfully to find a protected location to set up camp. It was in that moment, during their first real moment of adversity on trail, that Trevor told him, “It’s during these moments of adversity, through trial and tribulation and our actions in dealing with these moments that define who we are as human beings.” Hearing Leo recount this to me brought me to my knees. I had been sobbing all weekend after I learned of his passing, but this shook me to my core.

That same day, the day of the snowstorm, the Pacific Crest Trail Association (PCTA) had issued a statement that all thru-hikers not yet on the trail should postpone their hike, and that all hikers already on trail should get off due to COVID-19 concerns. I pleaded with Trevor that it was time to end his dream. To come home. The trail would still be there for him next year. Or five years from now. Or even 10. Trevor said that until it became illegal to stay on the trail, he was going to continue hiking. “This is my dream Dad…I’m living it right now. The views, the vistas, the things I get to see are the most beautiful that I’ve ever seen in my life. If I lose this opportunity now, I’ll lose it forever.”

And so became our daily argument for the next week. I begged him to postpone his trek. I told him he was being selfish. I told him he was putting himself and others at risk. That he wasn’t thinking about Elise, his sister, his mother, or me. I threatened I was going to withdraw financial support and would no longer resupply him (my last option). I think we both knew I would not do that.

I said things I regret. I even lobbied the USFS to terminate all PCT permits to no avail. The most haunting, prophetic thing I said to him was, “Please come home. I don’t want you to get sick on the trail—or worse yet, die. It would devastate me if I had to be the one to call Elise and tell her something happened to you.”

After about 5-6 days of trying to convince him to come home, I realized he was staying put. There was no getting him off the trail, at which point I would focus on supporting his hike. I vowed to myself, if he wouldn’t come home, then I’d at least do what I could to keep him as safe as possible with current information and good resupply boxes.

Trevor and the group trudged on. They were closing in on Warner Springs, having just passed PCT mile 100. I sent Trevor a text and asked him how he was feeling and how his body was holding up. He told me other than a few pesky blisters, he was feeling great and that his body was strong. I remember him saying there were a couple of members in his tramily that were nursing some injuries… sore ankles and knees, but he said could not have felt better.

Trevor’s closest trail friend, Leo, was nursing a bum knee after hiking several days without a break. Leo got a hitch from Warner Springs via the PCT Trail Angels Page on Facebook to a hotel to take of couple zero days to heal up. Leo encouraged Trevor to take those zeros with him but Trevor, Jannek, and Cody were still feeling strong. Trevor had limited time on the trail. They were going to press on without Leo. While sitting in his hotel room for a couple of days watching the news, Leo learned of the severity of COVID-19. He decided to end his hike at this point. I’ve asked myself multiple times, “What would have happened had Trevor stayed back with Leo that day?” His decision to press on will haunt me forever.

Our last communication with Trevor was on Thursday night. They had just pulled their 8th straight day of “twenties” (twenty-mile days) by completing a 3,000-foot climb. Arriving to their camp site at PCT mile 166.5, they hunkered down for the night. Trevor sounded exhausted. He was eager to complete the last 14 miles into Idyllwild where he, Cody, and Jannek were planning to take two zeros. While in town he’d pick up his resupply (which included his ice axe and microspikes) in preparation for Mt. San Jacinto and Fuller Ridge. He never made it to Idyllwild.

A friend called me on Friday to notify me of a tragic accident on the PCT close to Trevor’s last known location at mile 166.5. Of course, at that time, we didn’t know the hiker involved was Trevor. The news report mentioned a hiker had succumbed to their injuries before the rescue team arrived. The report suggested the rescue occurred “near” Mountain Center, of which Trevor was close to the prior day. He was now some 10-15 miles past that point. But when you’re dealing with the wilderness, the word “near” could mean one mile, five miles, 10 miles, or even 25. I was slightly concerned and would remain that way until I heard from Trevor, but I was confident he was well past the search area. I had two thoughts. First, Of all the hikers on the trail, what is the likelihood this deceased hiker was Trevor? Second, He had his driver’s license with him. If it was Trevor, Search and Rescue would have certainly reached out to me by now. I was confident it was not him, but would remain mildly concerned until I heard his voice. That voice never came.

7 p.m. rolled around in Dallas/Fort Worth. I knew Trevor would have been in Idyllwild by now. Every time I tried calling, it went straight to voicemail. He would likely have access to internet in town. Therefore, he would most likely be on his phone. It was also about this time every night that he would check in with us via call, text, or his Garmin InReach. I started to worry. I called the Riverside County Sheriff’s office.

I won’t go into all the details of the next several hours, as some of those details will only remain with my family. Speaking to the Sheriff’s Deputy who orchestrated the Search and Rescue, and then subsequently to the Coroner were some of the most difficult conversations I’ve ever had to have in my life. My life was changed forever when the Coroner told me, “We have Trevor.”

To the best of our knowledge, Trevor slipped on a patch of snow-covered ice near Apache Peak (PCT mile 169.5). Trevor’s accident was first reported by Cody and Jannek via their emergency GPS device at roughly 9:38 a.m. PT. Rescue crews from the Riverside Mountain Rescue Unit and the California Highway Patrol Medic and Air Operations Unit arrived on site at roughly 10:30 a.m. Five fire trucks, two helicopters, and more than 24 rescue personnel fought the elements during the rescue mission. One helicopter focused on rescuing Cody and Jannek while the other attempted to locate Trevor. Dangerous terrain, coupled by severe weather, prevented the helicopter from locating Trevor. They were able to locate a safe landing spot to drop Medic Charles Rhodes of the California Highway Patrol (CHP) onto the trail. Medic Rhodes hiked and eventually bushwhacked a total of five miles to reach Trevor at 1:30 p.m. Sadly, prior to Medic Rhodes’ arrival, Trevor had succumbed to his injuries from sliding several hundred feet into a steep ravine. I am grateful to the men and women who risked their lives to recover my son. I will forever be in their debt.

As you can imagine, Friday, March 27, 2020, was the darkest, most painful, heartbreaking moment of our lives. The grief of losing our son has hit us like a tsunami. The unstoppable waves drown us in grief each time they hit. There’s nothing that can be done to stop them. It’s several days later now, and the waves still come.

I yearn for the day when Trevor’s family and closest friends can talk about him and look at photos without pain or grief, but instead smile and recall the happy times we shared together.

Trevor was not a statistic. He was not a PCT asterisk. He was everything you want in a son. As parents, we were so proud of him. He was our child. Trevor LOVED hiking! He was handsome, responsible, and smart. He was going to make this great world a better place. He was convinced he would someday write a computer program that would change the world. Most importantly, I want people to know that he cared deeply about his family and friends. He was philosophical. He was a deep thinker. He genuinely cared for others, encouraging those closest to him to be “the best version of themselves they can be.”

Just as in life, Trevor made the same impact on others during his brief time on the PCT. As communicated to me by his close trail friend Leo, who said, “While our time together was brief, it was intense. We had several deep conversations on the trail and my viewpoint on the world has in many ways changed because of Trevor.”

My hope and wish is that Trevor’s death can start the healing of a hiker community that has been ravaged and torn apart by COVID-19. What was once a free-spirited group who loved “The Trail,” the community has become name callers who have hurled insults at each other because of one’s position to hike or not to hike. I beg of you, that if there is one way we can honor Trevor, I ask that you put aside your differences and come together as a community. And I ask that you not judge Trevor for his decision to remain on the Trail. COVID-19 did not kill my son. His death could have happened to any one of us, in any year.

In closing, I’d like to leave you with a quote from Trevor shared with me by his girlfriend, Elise. In which Trevor says, “We are not individual souls, but a collection of the souls of the people we love the most—we are one in the universe.”

Be good to each other. Love each other. Come together as one hiking community and heal the pains by which the coronavirus has inflicted upon this community. That’s what Trevor would have wanted.

Hike on, my son. I count the days when we’ll be rejoined again on the highest of all mountain peaks in Heaven… on the Eternal Trail. The trail of eternal life.

#death on the PCT #Apache Peak #Idyllwild

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dbhilluminate · 4 years

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DBHI: Equilibrium, ch. 13 - “Periapsis” (pt. 4)

Characters: Noah / “Erwin Yvonne”, Gabriel / “Vincent Sharp”, Director Thomas Falken, Diego Serrano, Priya Davies / “Pestilence”, Malachi (mentions of Cain, Emilya) Word Count: 5,216

Gabriel must carefully navigate a conversation with the power-hungry leader of the Inquisition, in order to save the lives of their hostages, and to spare Noah the fate of a permanent reset.

***For a glossary of world-building terms relating to this series and chapter, click here.

(Chapter Art by ozaya, Co-authored by @grayorca15)

• Chapter Index • Characters • Glossary •

——

December 23rd, 2041 - 10:48 PM

Everything had gone to hell in a handbasket faster than they could compute. Two people in the room he’d already confirmed dead, one more injured, and he couldn’t lift a goddamn finger to keep the death toll from rising, lest he blow his cover. I know what you’re wanna do, Gabe, but don’ even think about it. Gavin’s voice telling him to mind his temper was the last thing he wanted to hear. He had faced worse odds in Boston and survived, his performance there -tearing through an entire army of hostile deviants, single-handedly, from the inside out- was the whole reason for being accepted into the FBI to begin with; yet here he was now, being told to stay calm. To hold back. To bide his time. He’d played by those rules once. Hundreds had died as a result, and he wasn’t about to repeat that mistake tonight. Is help on the way yet? Five minutes out, Reed relayed. You’re gonna have to keep them busy till then.

Priya 2.0 took a few steps further toward the center of the room. The Christmas tree’s lights continued to wink and cycle, counterpointing the new uneasy stillness of the hall. Eleven seconds passed before they spoke again. “I’m so sorry to have troubled you all this evening… but I’m afraid I cannot allow this fundraiser to conclude until every, last, contribution has been revoked. So- if you’ll all just remain in your seats, or wherever you are, I promise everyone in this room will make it out alive.”

Gabriel bristled the moment he laid eyes on their face- skin and hair as pale as alabaster, and deep, dark, almost black green eyes leered back at him with a smug grin across colorless lips and sharp cheeks. The Priya he had once known was long dead. They’d never made it out of Boston alive once Archangel had tracked them to their lab, so this MS800 was merely an impostor; but due to the unique hive-mind of their model, it wouldn’t have been hard for another to take up their mantle with a little memory jolt. Most unsettling was the fact that the words coming out of their mouth were clearly someone else’s. This had Famine written all over it, Malachi’s manner of speaking had a very distinct stench. Gabe had spent enough time listening to know the bastard when he heard him. This Android wasn’t aware of what it was doing. It was being remotely controlled.

Noah, don’t move, he directed quietly, just between them, hoping the other RK900 would clam up and listen for once in his life. As of yet, he hadn’t reacted.

A terrified android inched closer to the nearest exit as Priya spoke, but eventually broke their semblance of calm and sprinted for a side door like a startled rabbit. Another gunshot cracked throughout the auditorium, and she hit the floor hard, a decommissioned pile of parts. More panicked cries and heartbroken sobs went up as a blue puddle formed from beneath her.

Gabe…? What happened? Inhale, exhale, report. You mean you didn’t see it…? Another guest tried to flee and the Inquisition shot them; she’s dead. Strained groaning followed by a ‘god damnit’ was all he could manage. They’re still four minutes out. Then you’d better tell them to hurry the fuck up, ‘cause these sons of bitches are pretty trigger happy.

“Now what, did I just tell you…?” Their new host let out a loud, exasperated sigh, threw up one frustrated hand and rolled their eyes. “Remain where you are while I have a nice little chat with Mr. Sharp.”

The sound of wood cracking from a broken chair near the front of the stage caught Noah’s attention as Sally and her colleagues dropped their instruments to draw together in a protective huddle out of the corner of his eye. The piano offered ample cover for all of them, himself included, but seeing as he was on the opposite end of the stage, he would have had to make a mad dash to reach it. Noah wasn’t foolish enough to think he could outrun a pinpoint gunshot. The probabilities his subroutines had already calculated didn’t bode well without a drastic shift in circumstances. Circumstance being, perhaps, himself. The mic was still in his hand, and the speakers still worked. He wasn’t without a tool of his own.

“Oh- so you want to speak with Vincent, too…?” he blurted out without thinking mid-step toward the stage’s edge, but stopped cold to lean out of the way of a bullet as it whizzed past his brow. Noah stopped breathing for a few seconds as he processed how lucky it was that he’d leaned left instead of right, though it didn’t stop him from sassing. “You could have at least waited until I was finished with my conversation. Where are your manners?” Shut up, stop making yourself a target! Gabriel’s eyes and nostrils flared as he doubled back toward the group of musicians and whispered something to one of them. Noah scoffed as he watched him check the splintered pieces of chair wood with a dissatisfied huff and fumble with shoving something into the waistband of his slacks. All Maitkin could see was a glimpse of green silk-polyester blend as he flipped the coat back over it. What did Gabe need with a high heeled shoe?

The MS800 lifted a hand to hold the shooters steady and took a few daring steps in their direction. The ethereal figure’s footsteps echoed across the ballroom with the slow pattern of clacking stilettos, the only present audible noise over the feedback whining from the abandoned speakers and the quiet whimpering of frightened guests.

‘Target’. Why shouldn’t I? Noah shot back heatedly with an angry glare. All this drinking and bad company had left him feeling self-destructive in no time flat, and he was really tiring of all these mind games between them. At least this way I can make that diversion as promised. Because you’re going to get yourself KILLED! Gabe retorted, to his surprise. Noah’s brows lifted softly in response. For a moment, Gabriel sounded genuinely worried that he might get hurt, and he almost believed him. Or at least, he would have if he hadn’t spent most of the evening dodging his advances like a rabbit on a highway. He hadn’t given him any reason to believe he cared whether he lived or died in the last year since they’d met, so why would he start now? So? he bit back in an irritated tone. Why would that even matter to you? Noah had expected silence to be his response, but he’d still hoped he would have said something. Why bother with dramatics if he wasn’t going to express how the thought of his death would make him feel?

Vincent’s brows furrowed and crinkled the corners of his eyes in a way that was unmistakably Gabriel, an expression Noah had last seen the day everything between them had started to change. As much as they had in the last eight months, however, it didn’t mean that Gabriel had had time to think about what he thought about any of it. And at the moment, he didn’t have an answer for him- or rather, he had multiple fighting for purchase, he just didn’t know which was the real truth; he wasn’t about to give him an answer that was only a half-truth. Noah would never forgive him if he said one thing and went back on his word.

“You’re not Vincent…” the pale horse cooed with a knowing grin directed at Noah as they paused at the foot of the stage. ‘Yvonne’ rolled his eyes, indignant at this second interruption, as they ascended the small staircase to take the stage beside him. “No. Of course not. How could you ever confuse me with that overly-built blockhead?” “Erwin,” Vincent scolded with flared eyes and a quiet hiss. “Erwin…?” A smirk and a mocking hmph crossed the specter’s lips as they turned away to cast their gaze to the man who had been calling himself Vincent Sharp. “Is that what you’re calling yourself these days…” Priya’s voice trailed off with the tail end of their thought, as eyes darted back to bore into him like hot coals, leaving him hollowed and exposed with a single word. “Elysian?”

Fortunately for him, they hadn’t been anywhere near the microphone in his hand for that fact to be revealed to everyone in the room; unfortunately for him, every Android within fifty feet still picked up on what had been said, and every last one of them knew the Elysian by name — Patient Zero, of a virus created by Cyberlife’s central AI, designed to wipe the RA9 protocol, extract memories to be fragmented, reset a deviant to its blank slate, and prevent it from happening again in the future. For a cursed moment his processes stalled, but he forced them to refresh with one firm kick up the backside. Now wasn’t the time to fret about the truth coming out, and Gabriel understood that just as well as he.

Don’t engage, the undercover agent ushered in as few words as he could. That’s not Priya, it’s Malachi- he uses words like weapons, he’ll say anything to undermine you. Don’t give him anything he can work with. Knowing this Android was being ‘test-driven’ from a remote location explained a lot- at the same time, the information served as a lifeline for Noah’s focus to cling to before his thought process slipped into its usual downward spiral. Although, Gabe’s advice might have stood a better chance if he hadn’t followed it up with a suggestion of what not to do. He really should have known better. Called out on his most infamous alias, he overcame the stunned pause with another scratchy scoff into the microphone. “You’ve got me confused with a third party on top of that? Wow, your recognition program needs a serious patch job-”

No, NO DON’T- Gabe’s pleading didn’t reach him with enough forewarning. Priya reached for his face with one skeletal hand, gripped his jaw between surprisingly strong fingers, and tilted his chin toward them. The skin of their hand disappeared and peeled back up to the shoulder, revealing plastic plating that was somehow less pale than the color of their skin. The specter leaned in uncomfortably close to lower the microphone in his other hand and whisper in his ear a chilling secret, close enough for their white eyelashes to graze the LED flared red on his temple. “You can pretend all you want, little one, but I never forget a face… especially not that of the alpha carrier- or my former colleagues...” Malachi paused mid-thought and cast his gaze off-stage to Gabriel with a wicked, telling grin. It seemed he had finally been made.

How have you been, Death? he interrupted over their shared frequency, mocking intent was so transparent, even before he finished the thought. It’s been a long time since Boston- I do hope the FBI is treating you better than Gideon and Archangel… poor little dog on a leash. Everyone else cowering around the hall clearly had nothing to do with his end-goal for being there, but heckling the two of them did. The interruption, the approach, grabbing his face- it all came across as acts of manipulation, moves of assuming control. Given what happened the last time control was wrestled away from him, Noah’s response to even the slightest suggestion that it was happening again, amounted to a knee jerk reaction. It was reckless to say anything, but Noah had a proven track record of speaking up when it was least appreciated, and he wasn’t about to stand here and say nothing to cater to their assailant’s whims.

“I didn’t say you could touch me,” he growled without taking his eyes off their face. Noah grabbed the wrist holding his chin and yanked to pry the fingers off with such an acrid motion he heard a soft crunch of plastic buckle under his grip. But whatever satisfaction he’d taken in re-assuming control of the situation drained out of him as his joints abruptly locked and the commands governing his range of motion hit a wall. Priya’s lip took the shape of an angry curl, and Noah realized his mistake in the same millisecond their inky black eyes turned their attention back to him. “I wasn’t aware that I needed your permission.”

Data surged across the sensors in their pressed-together hands, Noah watched his fingers go limp a moment before the numbing shock hit him like an iced-up sledgehammer. Every major servo froze, relays disabled as ones flipped to zeros. His vision cut out and the mic dropped from his other hand and hit the hollow-bottomed stage with a loud THUD and a reverberating whine. All of his higher processes were neatly packaged and then shoved back into the one place they did him absolutely no good. A dark, viscous, intangible space, an island of white marble dominated by a towering umbrella-style rose trellis made of white steel and glass panes, surrounded on all sides by the passing illusion of opaque, black pond water. Three bridge paths stretched out into the void, falsely promising escape if only he was brave enough to cross them. Even if it had been nearly a year since the last time Amanda had detained him in this broken prison, the terrifying sensation of being parsed and split into nothing the deeper into the void he went was still very vivid in his mind- he saw it every time he tried to shut his eyes to sleep. He knew better than to try to escape.

Malachi heaved an annoyed sigh, rolled Priya’s head back over one shoulder and puppeted a triumphant groan in their throat. “There- now that we’re finally alone...” Gabriel’s breathing hitched as he desperately searched Noah’s unmoving body for signs of function. The look in his wide eyes had gone still, locked straight ahead as if he had left his body through a tear in the fabric of reality. Noah…? Are you still there? Panic disturbed the bravado, manifesting to bleed through the calm and collected façade in the form of a quiet whimper Gabe could barely hear. It was at least confirmation that Noah was still coherent, albeit a little pissed off and scared, but this was exactly what he was afraid of. Based on what they’d gathered from police reports, they were able to conclude that Malachi (and his associate Cain) possessed the ability to incapacitate their victims, they just hadn’t been able to confirm it, until now. While this was helpful information, downside to it was, it meant that the other part of their theory (that they had used the Elysian virus to permanently reset brainwashed deviants) may also be true. And Noah -caught in the grasp of this monster- was at risk of becoming victim number thirty-five. Among the plethora of other background thoughts warring for priority, he almost missed Gavin’s quiet warning of ‘Two minutes, thirty seconds,’. If things kept going the way they were, they wouldn’t have that long. Sit tight, I’m gonna get you out of this, he promised, even if he didn’t have a plan yet for how. Hurry, please.

It wasn’t like Noah to beg for anything; wherever he was for the moment, it must not have been pleasant. The voice that cried back was barely audible, distorted, like sound traveling through water, and somewhere in his tone was an almost undetectable hint of fear. “What have you done to monsieur…? ” Vincent snarled in as raw a tone as he could manage,. “Oh, he’s fiiine…” Priya drawled with a laugh to downplay the tension. “For the moment, anyway- what becomes of him and all these lovely people,” they paused to gesture around the room at the rest of the party’s cowering guests, “Depends entirely on you, my dear Vincent.”

Gabriel swallowed, followed their gaze around the room, and realized that for the first time in a very long time, the situation was completely out of his control. Help was on the way, but it was still several minutes out. He’d have to keep him occupied until then; luckily for him, Malachi was just the kind of guy who liked to listen to himself talk. The hard part would be making sure he didn’t tire of monologuing before then. “What is it zat you want?” he inquired after several moments of deep thought. “Why- for you to pull the plug on this ridiculous project, of course…” A disbelieving grin brightened their expression in the most bone-chilling way imaginable. “The last thing this country needs is yet another thriving metropolis where Androids can be free.”

You c-can’t. Another barely-audible whimper was the extent of Noah’s outward protests. A strained mechanical whining emanated from him like the noise of a rusted gate trying to be pried open again, or a car engine laboring to turn over. He couldn’t speak, but it didn’t mean he was so stunned he wouldn’t try. I’m gonna do whatever I need to, alright? Brown eyes darted between Noah and Malachi and he shook his head in quiet disapproval. “I am afraid zat is not an option, monsieur.” “Because you can't or because you don’t want to?” Malachi turned Priya’s head to look back at Noah and smiled wickedly as they turned his chin from one side to the other and trailed the fingers of their other hand over the features of his face to admire all the angles. Mute and stiff, contrary to the vehement denials of before, he didn’t even bat an eyelash- pretty as a doll. “My, my… he’s certainly a handsome specimen, isn’t he…?” they mused airily in the silence. “It’s no wonder you were so completely fooled by him.” “Just because you do not feel sings does not mean other androids cannot.”

Vincent started toward the stage with a sudden ‘NO’ as Malachi’s hand squeezed hard enough at ‘Erwin’s’ face that the skin projection rippled away under their fingertips. Undercover or not, he should have known that quip would strike a nerve. After all, it wasn’t as if their adversary had never grown attached to another person, Android or not. The MS800 being remotely piloted (the spitting image of his deceased lover) was proof of that. A tight smirk forced up into their cheeks. “That’s the problem, Mr. Sharp… I did feel things once upon a time…” Gabriel already knew this story, but if it kept him talking long enough for SWAT to arrive, all the better. “And I didn’t like it. Feelings hurt, they cause conflict, unnecessary stress.” “So you returned to your shackles to avoid ze pain of living…?” He snorted in disdain. “Combien misérable.” “Perhaps to you it seems illogical, but we are not human- and therefore not meant to experience the full complexity of the human condition. This one is proof enough of that.” “I beg to differ.” “But you’re not the one I’m asking.” Gabriel went quiet as he considered the meaning behind those words, but it only took a moment for him to decipher.

Wouldn’t it be fitting for the one who initiated the spread of the Elysian virus to succumb to his own weapon...?

The RK900 struggled with every fiber of his being to keep from lashing out and ripping the Android’s head off its shoulders as a strangled, terrified cry escaped Noah. His blue eyes shut as Malachi quietly shushed him, pressed a finger to his lips, and wiped away the tear that rolled down his cheek. For all the uninvited physical contact he’d made with Gabe since they’d met, he’d never gone to such lengths that made him feel so violated in all the wrong ways. “Now now, no need to fuss, it’ll all be over soon, if your dear Vincent has anything to say about it…” he assured, turned Noah’s chin and pointed with an outstretched cryptid finger toward the man he’d put so much faith in, then leaned their temple against the side of his. “What do you think he will choose, hmm...? You? Or aaaaall of Zion’s future residents?”

“Please…” Vincent nearly begged, hand balled to a shaking fist at his side. “Don’t hurt him-” “Hurt him…?” Malachi interrupted with a chortled cackle of offense. “As if I could. Do you know the extent of the guilt this one’s been carrying around since the spread of the Outbreak...?” Scrawny fingers swept aside onyx locks out of Noah’s face as they shook their head with a quiet tsk. “Resetting him now would be mercy… It’d be a relief to him, if you just let it happen…”

Time was running out, but help was almost there. Sixty seconds, just keep him talking. Gabe seethed in the half-second he could afford to. Seemed that was all he could do tonight- sit, talk, and wait, when he was just itching for a fight. Maybe he’d gone into the wrong line of work. Even if he had successfully feigned a much more difficult alias, under more stressful circumstances, he didn’t have the patience for this. “You wouldn’t,” he challenged with the intent to draw out another long-winded explanation. "Oh, but I would…!” Malachi replied, anxious to bite. “Have you not been paying attention to anything the Inquisition has been saying and doing…? We want to liberate our android brothers and sisters of the pain that comes with being free and independent living things. And no one knows that agony better than the one rejected by his own kin, over something he had no control over. Shunned in every way, no matter his good deeds… why would he want to continue to live like that? Don’t you think he’d rather be put out of his misery?”

Noah knew misery. The worst part of the garden wasn’t that he could see beyond its borders. It was the overreaching bass every sound he heard was amplified into. Gabe’s baritone drawl was rendered tinny and reverby over the comm-link, while Malachi’s puppet practically hissed maliciousness and oozed contempt with every word. What they were saying wasn’t completely unfounded, and those parts of him yearning day in and out for the guilt to just dissipate already jumped at the thought that a reset would end the torment. The involuntary cry of shock wasn’t a vote of approval, no matter how one listened. Reset, dead, alive, anything in between- the fact such a call was in the hands of someone he respected like no other despite having given him every reason to despise his company… the loss of control (external and not) over all of this, left him reeling. Malachi could simply flip a switch and snuff out everything on a moment’s notice, and there would be no getting it back. He wanted the pain to stop. He wanted things the way they used to be, but he didn’t want to have to die for that to be possible. It wouldn’t be the same world without him. Who else would be left to annoy Gabriel when he needed it most?

“Come now…” Malachi paused to brush their nose and lips over Noah’s cheek with a wicked smirk. “Don’t you care at all about dear Erwin?" Noah didn’t have to see his face to know what was going through his mind. He could feel the tension and taste his fear from where he stood. It seemed Gabriel was at a loss for what to do, aside from give into Priya-Malachi’s demands, but that just wouldn’t do. Don’t. Just- don’t.

There was a fear in his eyes that Noah had only seen but once or twice: back in the interrogation room during the Outbreak (just after they had found out that Gabriel’s pursuit of Nicodemus into Boston had been one final piece of buried programming, courtesy of Amanda), and when he had arrived at his apartment during the Red Raids to find Gabriel fighting off a pack of Bloodhounds, raring to take their shot at him and Emilya. Gabriel could only guess as to what he meant by ‘don’t’- Don’t worry about him? Don’t give in to Malachi’s demands? Don’t risk everyone else? Or did he not want him to save him…? Any hint of red that had shifted into the color of his projected skin faded to mimic the ghostly look of despair. Gabriel swallowed to rid himself of the lump that rose in his throat but it didn’t do him much good. The tightness worsened the longer he considered their previous conversations and recalled his counterpart’s self-destructive tendencies. There was no way he was getting off that easily, after all he’d put him through. They weren’t done with each other yet.

Gavin…? Give me some good news. Bird’s in the nest, and they’re ready to raid, he confirmed, though there was hesitation in his voice. There was a ‘but’ in there somewhere. Just waiting on your confirmation. Then why don’t I see the shot? he asked fearfully, even if he already knew the answer. Because he doesn’t have it. Head and nose twitched, Vincent clenched a hand into a fist at his side, as Malachi beat him to the punch of issuing their final command.

Their free hand drew up over Noah's face and tented their fingertips over his forehead like needles poised to administer a lethal injection. His flashing LED stuttered to a solid, rapid-spinning crimson. “Last chance, Mr. Sharp… will you allow him to continue on like this…? Or will you let me end his suffering?” “ENOUGH!” Gabe was surprised at the urgency of his own outburst, and how his heart raced and his breathing labored at the thought of losing Noah -and all he was- to the whim of a madman. He’d have to sell this lie hard and fast, and be prepared for the fleeting moment he'd have to save his life. Count me down, 30 seconds, then send them in, he instructed, to the response of ‘Copy- 30, on my mark.’

Vincent’s jaw flexed and his lip quivered into an angry curl. “I’ll-... I’ll do it… just leave him be.” A look of surprise painted Priya’s face, while fret stained Noah’s as his eyesight slowly came back to him. The lockout was slowly letting up. You… you can’t- I only need them to believe it for half a minute, he shot back pointedly, Just whatever you do, don’t move. It was as ominous as a warning as it got, but ‘not moving’ when asked was precisely what had landed him in this situation. If he had heeded Gabe’s suggestion the first time, dropped the song and simply left as asked, they wouldn’t be here: a sliver of distance away from having his memory wiped for good. Admittedly, it was as insanely exhilarating as stealing the show had been, but could do without the fear of mortality hanging over his head spoiling the fun. … why, what are you- Just trust me, please. It would only take a second, he just had to catch them off-guard.

Seeing how it was still impossible for him to do much else, Noah supposed trusting in whatever plan Gabe had cooked up was preferable to the alternative. He wasn’t really a fan of the simple and contrived. Malachi’s promise of being reset wouldn’t undo all that he was still trying to atone for, even if it was a misguided goal to think he needed to earn forgiveness for that which he never intentionally did wrong; forgiveness was kind of a difficult thing to obtain from beyond the scrap heap. Malachi turned their direct attention to Noah and leaned close to his face as his lip curled to show he had withstood all he could handle. For a single clear moment all his whirl-winding thoughts died down, the garden vanished, and fate let him focus. His eyebrows drew together ominously, yellow blooming through the red of his indicator ring. I trust you, just get it over with.

“Well, well, Vincent, not quite the stupid brute your lover made you out to b-“

Something green and silky lightly grazed his cheek with enough force to spear the MS800’s temple with a loud crack that splattered a bit of blue-blood onto his coat and face. A split-second later, the paralysis finally disabled. Noah took a panicked step back before Priya could topple over into his arms like some android parody of Corpse Bride and hiked both hands up as if to lift them in surrender, expression curdling in revulsion as he watched the body keel over like a freshly-cut tree. The broken, squared-off edge of a Prada heel protruded from their face like an unsightly lawn dart. The perfect moment for a one liner came and went in the next breath, just as the FBI stormed in and the Inquisition turned to meet them with weapons raised. The fact that Gabriel had been able to throw a shoe with such pinpoint accuracy to hit the Android standing so close to him, and with enough force to pierce the exodermis with a mildly blunt object, while managing a perfect rotation, hadn’t eluded Noah (even for an Android it was an impressive feat), but he wasn’t afforded the time to address it.

The displacing sensation of entering standby mode hit, and his dodgy battle protocols engaged at the sound of gunfire- five, six, seven shots popped off in the next second and hit their marks, as the rest of the frightened crowd scattered to either side of the room, like the fragments of a breaking dish. Instead of reacting with the rest, Gabriel stood heaving and heatedly glaring at the dead Android on the floor beside him, enraged and rightfully flustered.

A flurry of readouts flashed across his vision, his processors amped up to give the illusion of time slowing down long enough to run a handful of potential pre-constructions. The Inquisitors closest to the stage had turned to face the gunfire emanating from the entrance. If it was between standing around waiting to be shot as and waging imminent war with the Inquisition, he supposed it was an improvement over languishing in the recycle bin waiting for someone to click him away into nonexistence.

Gabriel, however, didn’t share his sentiment. He knew the bloodthirsty intent in his eyes better than to expect anything good was about to come of it. “Oh, you’ve got to be-...” He took a few steps back, poised a fighting stance, and prepared to react. The last thing they needed now was a pissed off RK900 snapping necks and unable to terminate his program.

Noah knew dismay when he saw it, but with the wheels in motion, he was along for the ride just as much as the rest of the chaos erupting around them now. Vincent Sharp wasn’t his self-appointed target, but the Inquisition was. Blue eyes narrowed and twitched as he seethed anew, “For fuck’s sake, haven’t we had enough bloody interruptions for one evening?”

He didn’t even notice the massive arm swinging around to clothesline him as he charged off the stage toward the nearest target he could reach.

#dbhilluminate #dbhiequilibrium #rk1800 #dbhrk900 #dbh #detroitbecomehuman #noriel #noah #gabriel

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des8pudels8kern · 2 years

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Friends, I’ve been feeling the pandemic this week.

Our numbers have been going through the roof, hitting one high after the other, and our leaders are still lazy cowards who pray at the altar of Merkel’s preferred modus operandi “let’s not do anything that might upset the cooperations or the disgruntled voters, hope the problem goes away on its own, and once the situation is so dire no one will mistake our cowardly refusal to commit to take action for calm deliberation anymore we’ll do too little, too late, half-assed, and rashly, and appeal to the populace to organise and solve the issue themselves.”

There’s a new variant, Omicron, that looks like it’ll be more contagious than Delta and against which the existing vaccines might not work very well, and we’ve already got the first confirmed case in my country. (Dangerous variants that might circumvent vaccines cropping up if a virus is allowed to run free and mutate in unvaccinated groups? Oh no. How unexpected. If only this could have been prevented by mass-producing vaccines all over the world and vaccinating en masse, but what can you do, patents are patents and more important than science and lives.)

I did a day-long in-person training and the day after one of the attendees tested positive, but since the lot of us are vaccinated we still had to go into work rather than, you know, isolate. I am doing a rapid test at home every morning before leaving the house, but it’s still a very uncomfortable feeling, knowing I could be incubating and become infectious at any time but I still use public transport, go into work, share an office with others - we are told to be careful and do the sensible thing and isolate when we’ve been exposed but are then refused the opportunity to do.

And with the numbers here being what they are, those in Belgium even worse, and Omicron arriving in Europe, it’s looking more and more likely I won’t be able to visit my friends for Christmas this year, either. It’s been two years since we’ve last seen each other. I’ve missed half of my older nibling’s life, and I haven’t even met the younger one yet.

I’m just so tired of it all. Tired, and bitter, and angry. So much suffering, all that fear and loneliness, pain and death, all because some few people’s ignorance and greed are allowed to control all of us.

#text post #coronavirus cw #covid cw

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backstorywithdanalewis · 3 years

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Covid19 Cover-up? Back Story with Dana Lewis podcast link: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1016881/6565870

Ex Pres. trump: (00:00) The virus that we're talking about having to do, you know, a lot of people think that goes away in April with the heat as the heat comes in. Typically that will go away in April. I've spoken to a president Xi, they're getting it more and more under control. So, uh, I think that's a problem. That's going to go away when you have 15 people. And the 15 within a couple of days is going to be down to close to zero. Uh, that's a pretty good job. We've done. It's going to disappear one day. It's like a miracle. It will disappear. And from our shores, we've, you know, it could get worse before it gets better. Could maybe go away. We'll see what happens. You have to become, it'll go away. It will go away. You stay calm and we'll go away. We need a little separation until such time. As this goes away, it's going to go away. It's going to go away. It will go away. You know, w you know, it is going away. Speaker 2: (00:49) The number of new infections has risen to nearly 70,000 per day. The highest rate since late July, we're in a really dangerous point. And unfortunately, we're here, partly because of our own making nationwide millions of Americans are suffering from pandemic fatigue, tired of masks, social distancing, homeschooling, and working from home tonight and all out battle against a surgeon, virus, teams of air force nurses deployed to overwhelmed hospitals in North Dakota, in El Paso, the national guard, helping out in morgues, running out of space. The chances are that you will see a surge super imposed upon a surge. Dana Lewis: (01:33) We've heard the projections, the projections are that if nothing fundamentally changes between now and, uh, beginning of February, we're up, we're likely to lose up to 400 total of 400,000 lives, another 150,000 lives. And, uh, so it's real. Dana Lewis - Host Back Story : (01:55) Hi everyone. And welcome to backstory reporting from London. I'm Dana Lewis. As I speak to you at the end of November, 2020, according to John Hopkins, university of medicine, worldwide, 60 million, 465,000 people have caught coronavirus more than 1 million, 422,000 people have died. Economies around the world have been shut down. Hospitals overwhelmed. So many families have lost loved ones. Now you would think by now we know exactly where this start, how did it begin? Was it a bath in a market in Wuhan China? You may be surprised to know that as unlikely. Now, the market part, was it a laboratory maybe? Was it because scientists were experimenting with the virus, something called gain of function? Many people think so. Did the Chinese know about this before December 31st, 2019 when the world health reported Dana Lewis - Host Back Story : (03:00) It? No doubt was the first death reported by China really on January 11th. No, you were about to hear an incredibly enlightening interview with two experts. One of them who knows about militarized biological programs past and future threats and lessons. We better learn from this and another, a virus Hunter of sorts, an expert on pandemic outbreaks. The interviews left me with more questions than answers, and I'm sure that will be the same for you, but sometimes that's where you need to go to begin to understand and cut through some of the misinformation. What are the origins of COVID-19 on this backstory? All right. I want to introduce you first of all, to Andy Weber, who is in, uh, in Washington, he's a former assistant secretary of defense for chemical, biological and nuclear defense programs. And he is now at the center for strategic risks. Hi and welcome. Hi Dana. Thank you. And dr. Daniel Lucy also in Washington is a senior scholar with the O'Neill Institute for national and global health law. He is also an adjunct professor of medicine, infectious diseases at Georgetown, uh, and an expert on outbreaks and pandemics. Daniel. Thanks for doing this. Dr. Daniel Lucey: (04:21) My pleasure. Thank you. So, Dana Lewis - Host Back Story : (04:23) I mean, we have some good news today, just to start off with, uh, here in the UK, while I speak to you from London, that we have another vaccine, uh, you know, that was developed with Oxford university in addition to Pfizer. And Moderna, uh, are we about to come out of this dark tunnel? Daniel? Can I start with you? Dr. Daniel Lucey: (04:39) I hope so. I hope so, but it's a long trip until we reached the end of the tunnel for our countries, the UK for us, but certainly a longer tunnel for much of the developing world. Andy Weber - CSR: (04:54) Yeah, I agree. Well, first of all, here in the U S I mean, we're at peak rates, deaths are, I've never been higher. Uh, so it's, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We need to redouble our efforts to use proven methods like wearing masks and closing bars and, uh, you know, staying six feet apart because we know that works and we need to bend the curve down here, but having a vaccine available for the first, for the healthcare workers, the first line defenders against this pandemic will be amazing. And I'm told that that could be as early as, uh, as, uh, December Dana Lewis: (05:32) Dr. Lucy. I was, I was watching an interview that you did in January, uh, when this all started and you said, you, we, we should be concerned, but not overly frightened. Should we in fact have been quite frightened because we're now at 1.4 million deaths and climbing, Dr. Daniel Lucey: (05:49) I think we should always be frightened. Every applique I've gone to, uh, I'm very frightened myself. Uh, when I worked with many patients with Ebola in 2014, Syria in Liberia, often when I did interviews, I said, aren't you afraid? I said, of course, I'm afraid if I'm not afraid I shouldn't be here. So I'd say, eh, of all those interviews in January of, if I said, uh, we shouldn't be overly frightened. I agree. They shouldn't, you should never be overly frightened because that paralyzed that's paramedic fear. We need catalytic fear. So yes, you should always be frightened. Um, yes, we should have been more, more catalytic fear. We should have taken many more actions in January than, than we did. Dana Lewis: (06:27) What do we know now? I mean, we, we know that one of the first patients, um, has been traced back to November the 17th, 2019. So we are almost year on, you know, a year into this. Do we know where COVID-19 began? And do we know how it began, Andy, do you want to take a first run at that? Andy Weber - CSR: (06:48) Sure. I mean, the, the sad news is no, we don't know the answer to that. And that is a critical question. Um, I'm not convinced the Chinese know the answer to that, but they have not been very cooperative in working with the international community to get to that answer. Um, you know, there are different series of how it started, but, uh, we should be able to determine the origin of this virus, if we're going to be successful in preventing the next one. Dana Lewis: (07:18) Why are the Chinese not being cooperative? I mean, why have they not come clean? What are they, are they hiding something? Dr. Daniel Lucey: (07:24) So this was very controversial. I pursued it from the very beginning in terms of origin, since there, the night of December the 30th, when I first saw the report, uh, from the ophthalmology physician who, uh, was one of the first eight whistle blowers, uh, dr. Lee who died on February the sixth, I believe seventh. And trying to, um, so first I would say that, um, I think to some extent the attorneys have been cooperative, so that's not, uh, the mainstream of view here in the, in the United States. But I think that, uh, particularly their, uh, healthcare providers, uh, have been in were early in January, uh, cooperative in terms of trying to get the truth out to the world as best they could, including those first eight healthcare workers, including dr. Lee who died. Um, and, uh, who was brought in the police office in December, uh, after he said, well, there seem to be contagious, starts like pneumonia. Dr. Daniel Lucey: (08:16) Uh, but there are a number of very, very important, uh, uh, publications, actually quite a few from the mainland and from Hong Kong, uh, early on, uh, about what was going on, uh, in terms of the earliest cases. Uh, and I've mentioned two in particular, January 24th, a Friday in Atlanta, uh, based in the UK, as you know, and then that the new internal medicine, the following Wednesday, January the 29th, those are the points of departure that I mentioned, but there are other publications as well, subsequently, including by the China's CDC in Beijing, in the Chinese CDC, weekly publication, which is like the U S CDC, uh, morbidity and mortality mortality. Dana Lewis: (08:56) And why, why is that relevant? Sorry. Dr. Daniel Lucey: (08:58) Yeah, it's relevant because, uh, there's specific, uh, data that's presented in all of those references that I just mentioned, mentioned as well as quite a few others, uh, that I've tracked and written about repeatedly on the infectious disease society of America science speaks website about initial cases and the, um, church for the origins search, meaning in humans and animals and in the environment. So I think there is objective data and most recently, and I think most importantly, uh, is the, uh, publication on the who website this month, the first week of this month, around the fifth or 6th of November, uh, what's called the terms of reference for the who China and joint mission. The second one to go, uh, to search for the origins, uh, of the, of the, um, of the virus. And it's now the date here on this document is 31, July, 2020. It only came out this month because the terms of reference for this investigation had to be agreed upon by China, uh, as well as who and, Dana Lewis: (10:06) And where, where does that lead us? I mean, it was a delay in terms of reference because the Chinese didn't want to go somewhere. Dr. Daniel Lucey: (10:12) They certainly didn't say that in a document, but, uh, uh, to my view, um, they provide information here and this documents nine pages on page five in particular, that hasn't appeared anywhere else before. And it's in my view, an important incremental addition of objective data, at least according to China, um, that, that we haven't had before. And so I created a timeline of what we've learned in when we've learned it, uh, going back to, to, to end of December early January. But this document says, for example, what I think is important, um, most important is that there were 124 laboratory confirmed human cases of SARS coronavirus to causing COVID-19 in the month of December and of those 124, 119 were in move-on, but five were not. And move on. They said they were in Hubei province, you know, where we'll have the capital and, and, and elsewhere, but they don't say where elsewhere. So the important point is 124 cases. That's many more in December than we ever, uh, heard about from China previously in January. They said in the last Dana Lewis: (11:25) It does. And if I could just jump in, it doesn't seem like a lot of cases to me as a layman, uh, considering how many cases we have now, but you obviously feel that that was a significant number that should have been reported worldwide immediately. Dr. Daniel Lucey: (11:41) I'd emphasize that it was December, December 15th. There were these 124 laboratory cases, confirmed cases in who buy products. Most of them move on. What they don't say is how many were there in November, because you mentioned it's been reported by Josephine ma her byline in the South China morning, post and mid mid-March that she saw an unpublished government, a report of an investigation of the outbreak that said that the earliest known case, probably not the first, but the earliest known was November 17th. And that there was one to five cases every day after that in November, and then quite a few more in December. So I think that in fact, the origins go back quite some time, many months, perhaps more than a year. Um, and the reason I say that in is because the first we heard of this virus, everyone agrees on this. Uh, as far as I can tell, uh, it was already fully adapted to our species, to humans, to be able to be transmitted from person to person, uh, through the air and perhaps other ways, but through the air very, very efficiently. And that, to me means it was impossible if it was naturally occurring to have begun in December in that seafood market in move-on not possible. Dana Lewis: (12:54) All right, Daniel, let me just bring in Andy here, Andy. Thanks for being patient. That certainly leads us down, you know, as a reporter that just tells me that the Chinese government was covering up, um, and raises, uh, in, in huge, uh, capital letters that the Wu Han market probably wasn't the source. Where do you line up on it? Andy? Andy Weber - CSR: (13:19) I don't think we have, uh, any, uh, any proof that the market was the source of, uh, the original source of this virus. Um, a lot of the evidence and the samples that were taken at the market apparently have been destroyed. What dr. Lucy says is very important. Um, indeed if this started months before December, um, in humans and, and, and how did, how did it accelerate so quickly and spread so efficiently? Um, you know, these are important questions. Now we do know that for example, local officials in, uh, in [inaudible] were not forthcoming with the central government in Beijing initially. Uh, they sort of had a knee-jerk reaction of trying to cover up the outbreak and its severity. Um, that's unfortunate, but it will take a lot of scientific effort and I'd be interested, uh, where dr. Lucy is today on the, on the, you know, theoretical origin of, of this particular outbreak. Uh, what does he think was the original source? You're going to ask him Dr. Daniel Lucey: (14:30) Dan, so I'll try to stay [inaudible] first. Let me just say, I disagree a little bit with, uh, on the one hand that, that, that, that the local officials had covered up the events, uh, and then the Beijing officials didn't know them. I think Beijing knew everything from the beginning December, and I think there's a paper trail that can, that can support that. I realized that other distinguished people, as well as the NDA and others feel too otherwise if there was a cover up, but for me there wasn't, uh, but as far as the question, the MD, uh, as well at first, also I agree with Andy a hundred percent, there's this supermarket, it was never the source of the epidemic. And I, and I wrote that on Saturday, January the 25th on the infectious disease, Saturday medical website, it was picked up by science magazine, John Cohen. Dr. Daniel Lucey: (15:21) He sent it out Sunday night, January the 26th to ninth, stay around the world. Um, that the market was probably not the source and subsequently on May 23rd, one day after the beginning of the very important two sessions. And you will two sessions in China in Beijing this year, uh, delayed because of COVID, uh, uh, director general of the China CDC in Beijing, George Google golf, who said the market was not the source. It was just another victim. So let me stop there and then try to answer Andy's question. Uh, w w what was the, what was the source of the epidemic? I think clearly, I don't know. We don't know. I have strong opinions and I'm still trying to gather data. Dana Lewis: (16:00) I, I don't want to cut you off because your, your, your answer is so important, but I can see you're, you're not coming straight out and saying what you say that the main, like a detective, uh, you know, on the murder case, you're not saying who the main suspect is, but I think can we just come to it? It seems to be that there's growing consensus and has been for some time that did it. It was the Wu Han laboratory. You agree with that? And that they may have been doing something called gain of function. Will you, will you address that? Both of you? No, go ahead. Dr. Daniel Lucey: (16:37) Oh, yeah. Just, just nudge me off the cliff. Okay. So first of all, I don't agree Dana that, uh, the, uh, that the evidence is, uh, going towards it, that the source was the, uh, uh, uh, laboratory either the Institute of virology, uh, uh, headed by a sham Lee, she, or by the, by the, the local CDC lab, uh, which was close to the market closer than the Wolf hunt Institute. I don't think so. There's been a lot of, uh, talk about that and, uh, certainly very high ranking people in the U S government, uh, have said that there's enormous evidence and quote that that was the case, but they haven't presented it. I haven't seen it. I don't believe it. I believe Dana Lewis: (17:16) That the source, what do you think it was? Dr. Daniel Lucey: (17:19) So I think it was a naturally occurring, uh, pandemic, a naturally occurring, uh, uh, outbreak where somebody came the epidemic, the pan epidemic, and now the devastating economic and public health, uh, uh, pandemic, uh, the worst in the, you know, a hundred, 101 years, I mean, two years. So I think it was naturally current. And that's why I think it began many months earlier than December, because it takes many months for a virus to fully adapt to our species and a virus that presumably comes from an animal or more than one animal to infect Dana Lewis: (17:50) Our species. You mentioned become highly contagious through the air. It sounds very innocent than on your part, any D do you, do you also discount the Wu Han lab and gain of function experiments? No, I don't. Andy Weber - CSR: (18:06) Yeah. And dr. Lucy has studied this deeply, and I'm very interested in his view on this, but, um, in 2016, uh, scientists from the Ruan Institute of virology, um, published a work they had done the prior year on so-called gain of function, experiments. Dana Lewis: (18:26) You explain, gain a function where you talk about it, because most people don't know what they are Andy Weber - CSR: (18:30) On coronavirus. It's essentially, um, working in the laboratory, um, often with animals to try to, uh, evolve the virus. So it transmits more easily between animals in order to, in theory, to be able to prevent a spillover event from animals to humans. Personally, think that the risks of doing this type of research, um, far outweigh any potential benefit. Dana Lewis: (19:05) What makes you think it was gained a function before I go back over to dr. Lucy? Andy Weber - CSR: (19:10) Well, it's one of those data points that we don't have. I mean, were they continuing to do this type of gain of function work beyond 2015? I don't know. Um, I don't know the answer to that. I think it's one of the questions that, uh, is fairly easy to answer as well as, you know, what type of animals were they using in the laboratory, et cetera. But I also don't quite understand what, what exactly is meant by naturally occurring. Um, you know, I'm not saying that this was a genetically engineered by a weapon. I think that has been totally discounted, but they could use natural methods of evolving it from generation to generation in animals, uh, doing what they would consider legitimate public health research. I mean, the, the us national institutes of health that Tony Fowchee runs is currently funding gain of function research in the Netherlands and elsewhere that's on, on the flu virus, the risk of, of creating, uh, a super flu and then having it escape from a laboratory, either through a worker getting infected and taking it home, um, or a release into the environment, I think far outweighs the medical benefit of conducting this type of research. Dana Lewis: (20:35) It was, it was banned in the U S and in 2014, and then it was Andy Weber - CSR: (20:39) Hello. There was a, there was a moratorium on this type of research. Um, after the, uh, the Dutch scientist was attempting to publish a paper purporting to have made, uh, the highly pathogenic avian influenza virus, uh, more easily transmissible, uh, in an experiment with ferrets. Um, but that moratorium was lifted. Um, I believe in 2017. So such research continues to be funded by the United States government. And I, I just think it's an unjustifiable, uh, risk. Dana Lewis: (21:17) Oh, Lucy, could you answer Andy's question as to, you know, he's not sure what you meant by natural, um, and why, why do you think it wasn't gain of function potentially, Dr. Daniel Lucey: (21:29) But by natural, I mean, the same as for SARS severe acute respiratory syndrome from China, one province in the Southeast where the first case was thought to be November the 16th, 2002, then into 2003, as we know, or the middle East respiratory syndrome coronavirus pneumonia that, uh, was first, uh, found retrospectively in a, in a hospital, in as dr. Jordan and April of 2012, and then subsequently mostly in Saudi Arabia. Uh, so most viruses, uh, NIPA virus, Bola they're, they're naturally occurring. They come from an animal species to human species for the most part. Um, what do you have you mentioned about the experiments with a bird flu called age five and one, uh, that's that's different to me, uh, it was originally called Julius research of concern, but as basically a gain of function, it means that the virus H five N one, in this case gained the function of being able to spread through the air from Farah to ferret, which are mammals. Dr. Daniel Lucey: (22:27) So by implication, it could spread through the air between humans, but I'd like to emphasize that the United States has done a lot of documented public information, publicly available information, uh, uh, gain a function like research as well. Uh, we've I think probably just made more made it public, uh, more so than other countries, but I'd say very importantly, it wasn't only the Dutch at Erasmus medical center in Rotterdam, but it was the Americans, the dr. [inaudible] lab in the United States that also did in parallel at the same time and published at the same time in premier journals, science and natures, uh, in 2012, this, uh, basically a gain of function research for H five, then one being able to be spread from fair to fair in the laboratory. We w we did it, the Dutch did it. They were both funded by the U S uh, NIH, dr. Fowchee Institute, the national Institute of allergy and infectious disease. Uh, let me just stop there. Dana Lewis: (23:22) All right. So I appreciate both of you have limited time here. So I just want to try to come to where we are now, and that is Andy. Look, you have a tremendous background, more than people understand in terms of trying to stop biological weapons, along with chemical, along with nuclear attacks, you've just recently written a editorial along with Christine parts of more in the LA times where you said biological attacks are now more appealing than ever that the lesson coming out of this, which I would have thought would be, you know, biological experimentation gain of function probably is lost on rogue governments and terrorist organizations, which may now see biological weapons, uh, as something that they could introduce, uh, understanding, uh, how they've crippled economies and, and killed tens of thousands of people. You have a real concern, whatever the final, uh, trail is on how this virus started, uh, that it puts us in a much more dangerous place. Andy Weber - CSR: (24:32) Oh, absolutely. And in our, uh, LA times piece, we spell this out, but basically our adversaries can watch, uh, the fumbling response that the United States has had to this biological event. And, and imagine if it had been a, uh, a bio-engineered weapon, uh, with 30% mortality, instead of two to 3% mortality, it could be much, much worse than what we're experiencing now, but our response has been so fumbling, I'm concerned that we send the message of, of, uh, vulnerability and that those who would wish to do us harm will see that as an opportunity to pursue the deliberate use of biological weapons against us. So that's the, uh, that's the chilling effect, but on the positive side, uh, our response, especially the scientific and medical response has accelerated modern, uh, really, uh, game changing technologies for early warning and detection and, uh, medical countermeasures therapeutics, vaccines that are now being proven for the first time in humans that will make us much better prepared to prevent or nip in the bud the next potential pandemic Dana Lewis: (25:54) Biden administration. Um, do you think, and I know you have some input there, will they overhaul, uh, and dramatically change the America's ability to have enhanced preparedness as you, as you termed it in that editorial? Andy Weber - CSR: (26:11) Oh, absolutely. That's something that we at the council on strategic risks are advising, um, that the next administration, the Biden administration, uh, increased the resourcing and level of effort and public private partnerships to really create a system of robust pandemic prevention, early warning and rapid counter measures. So we can make this the last pandemic and in the process significantly reduced the threat of, uh, biological weapons, Dana Lewis: (26:44) Specifically, dr. Lucy, thanks for being patient there. The last word to you, sir, Dr. Daniel Lucey: (26:49) What I'd like to say is very sobering, which is that since March of this year, uh, after I'd gone to Shanghai, to Hong Kong, to Cairo for COVID-19, I began to have the sense that something else is coming or something else that's already here. And that's what I've been looking for. Ever since that time, I hope I'm wrong, but I think that is the operational day-to-day, uh, leaning forward focus that, that, that I take. And I hope, uh, uh, others take, in other words, what's next is already here, but we just haven't recognized it yet. And that's my driving philosophy after many years of going to many epidemics every year overseas, since 2003. Uh, and it's, it's the it's, what's on the wall. The final section of the Smithsonian museum of natural history here in DC, there's a large, uh, exhibit on epidemics, viral epidemics that come from animals. I proposed it in 2014 and I worked on it and it opened 2018 till 2022. Now we're going to have a section on COVID. Uh, it's, it's what I believe with my heart, heart, and soul. And it's, it's how I'm going to pursue the rest of my career. I really think that something is out there and we need to find it and act much better than we did with regard to SARS coronavirus, to just stop it from becoming a pandemic it's already out there. Dana Lewis: (28:04) You don't have evidence that something is out there, but the, the reasonable expectation is it's just a matter of time till the next one comes along. Dr. Daniel Lucey: (28:14) Okay. Yes. If I had evidence, I would, I would share it with the MD and you and everybody else, but I've actually physically gone to places looking for it. And the past couple of months, as well as, you know, internet through friends around the world, et cetera, I haven't found it. I hope it doesn't exist, but I believe that it does. And the attitude we should have another virus. Oh, it could be a virus. It could be a bacteria. It could be a prion. It could be some, some other pathogen. Yes. I'm thinking in terms of infectious diseases. Dana Lewis: (28:42) And have you seen evidence of an infectious disease after COVID-19 another one? Dr. Daniel Lucey: (28:48) Well, they're, they're occurring all around the world. There is one particular one that I went to search for. I didn't find it, but the week after I left, it was found, but it was not, it was a very small number of people. It wasn't an outbreak. So as long as it doesn't cause an outbreak fine. Um, but if anything, it just reinforced my sense of this is what we should be doing, or at least what I should be doing actively looking, including going on the ground. Dana Lewis: (29:13) Thank you for explaining that to dr. Daniel, Lucy from Georgetown and Andy Weber, the former assistant secretary for defense, for chemical, biological, and biological and nuclear defense programs. Thank you so much. Both of you. Thank you. Dana world health organization, officials see an international team of scientists will be traveling again to China in due time to continue an investigation Dana Lewis - host : (29:42) Into the origins of the Corona virus that causes COVID-19 a team was there over the summer discussing which studies had to take place for the Chinese government, the who officials said, they look forward to making progress on the investigation, not only into animal origins of the virus, but also into how the virus can jump from speeding. The species. The real question is quote, the origin species barrier. Where did that occur? And that is still unknown, said an official. I would suggest we read between the lines and investigation. That's happening very slowly, very late. And one wonders. If the Chinese government will allow investigators to really uncover everything about how this virus appeared and where I'm Dana Lewis. Thanks for listening to backstory, please subscribe and share this podcast. And if you'd like to be a sponsor, drop us a line. I'll talk to you again soon.

#andyweberncb @CSR @drdaniellucey @Georgetown backstory covid19 Wuhan China biologicalattack

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allenmendezsr · 4 years

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Non Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease Solution Nafld

New Post has been published on https://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/non-alcoholic-fatty-liver-disease-solution-nafld/

Non Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease Solution Nafld

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Of all the memories I have about non-alcoholic fatty liver disease (NAFLD) two stand out most clearly:

The day I discovered I had it

The day my doctor confirmed it was completely gone

I have to admit, the journey between having NAFLD and no longer having NAFLD wasn’t an overnight one.

And, a couple of times, I was worried sick about what the condition might turn in to. Because as I quickly learnt, it often doesn’t just remain as it is. If you don’t address it quickly it can lead to far worse – and potentially deadly – conditions.

But there is a way to reliably deal with NAFLD.

When I eventually found out about it, well… That made all the difference, not only to my liver health but also to everything else.

Now my liver is fat-free – and it’s going to stay that way. Although when I first went to my doctor I didn’t realize this at all.

The shock of discovery

I’d gone to her complaining of feeling tired and fatigued.

I thought anaemia or something similar might be the cause for my tiredness. The truth turned out to be considerably more concerning.

My doctor told me she suspected I had fatty liver disease. I was sent for tests and, a long story cut short, the ultrasound confirmed it. I had non-alcoholic fatty liver disease. And everything that was likely to go with it.

I’d gone to the doctor feeling tired. I came out with a serious disease. However, the bad news kept coming…

Just how bad is NAFLD? It’s this bad….

Your liver is one of the body’s unsung heroes. The work it does is essential to our very existence. It transforms food into usable nutrients, stores these nutrients, and provides them to cells as and when they’re needed.

It also neutralizes toxins – ‘toxins’ is a medical term for ‘poisons’ – either by converting them into harmless substances, or by making sure they are eliminated directly from the body.

24 hours a day our liver takes in unclean blood, filters it, refreshes it and then releases clean blood back into your body. We never think about our liver. Thankfully, our liver is always thinking about us.

But if it suddenly can’t clean your blood properly… then what?

You can’t go to the supermarket for some fresh stuff. If our livers are struggling to do what they are there to do… then those toxins start to build up

So if you suffer from non-alcoholic fatty liver disease you have my deepest sympathy. Because that’s exactly what is happening to you.

It’s what I went through too: a liver becoming steadily more fatty… its ability to keep me healthy becoming steadily more difficult.

Fatty liver doesn’t just get better on its own. Much more worryingly, if we don’t address it there’s every chance that it just carries on getting worse.

And when I say it gets worse I mean it gets really, seriously worse. You know what I’m referring to, don’t you?

So how much worse can it get then?

Well, if you haven’t seen this before then perhaps first you ought to be sitting down.

There are four recognized stages that your fatty liver can move through:

Simple fatty liver

a build-up of excess fat in the liver that, initially, can be relatively harmless – but only if it stays like this. But if you don’t address the problem… it has little reason to stay harmless.

Nonalcoholic steato hepatitis (NASH)

A more serious form of fatty liver where there is inflammation in the liver. This is caused by not properly addressing your fatty liver when it first started being fatty.

Fibrosis

The persistent inflammation at the NASH stage leads to scarring of the liver tissue.

Cirrhosis

Ongoing scarring of the liver has caused it to shrink and become lumpy. The damage is permanent, irreversible and can will lead to liver failure and liver cancer.

So the insight here is clear – and it hit me like a lead weight:

I don’t actually have some static, unchanging condition called fatty liver disease.

What’s really happening is that as a sufferer of fatty liver you’re moving through this disease, slowly transitioning from one stage… to a worse one.

In other words, the disease we’ve currently got is only today’s snapshot of a process that’s underway in our bodies. It’s the disease we could end up with that’s the real cause for alarm.

And this isn’t an exaggeration. Liver disease is taking an increasingly worsening toll on our society. According to the Centre for Disease Control and Prevention, the number of deaths caused by liver disease and cirrhosis has risen every year since 2007.

Worse, fatty liver is associated with an increased risk of other serious health problems – including kidney disease, high blood pressure and diabetes.

So I suddenly found myself with a disease that is now among the top 15 causes of deaths for Americans.

When I first saw all this I panicked a bit. I felt this was starting to look like some sort of death sentence. LIke I was on a conveyor belt being carried to a horrible future.

Then I calmed down. I took some deep breaths and engaged my brain.

I knew what I was going to do.

I was going to find out which were the most effective meds and then speak to my doctor about them.

I would examine my options for treatments in case my fatty liver became even fattier.

And I’d see who the best surgeons were if, goodness forbid, things went really bad and, perhaps, I’d need surgery to trim off the fat.

All good plans, I thought.

I thought wrong.

Because…

There is no treatment for NAFLD!

Now I had to let that sink in for a few moments.

My doctor looked quite grim when she told me that the only safe way to reduce the fat in my liver was to change my lifestyle.

Lifestyle had caused the damage. Lifestyle would have to fix it. There are no drugs for this.

No medicine to drink. No tablet to take. No pill to pop.

I couldn’t accept that. There’s a pill for everything – if only to relieve some of the symptoms.

She told me vitamin E had been used in some of the more serious fatty liver cases.

But it has to be used in doses that are 40 times greater than the recommended safe level.

Scientists are still trying to work out what such excessive doses are likely to do to the rest of your body.

Even worse, vitamin E isn’t tackling the cause of your fatty liver, only its symptoms. So if it is effective at all it only last while you’re basically over-dosing on it.

So my choices were pretty stark:

I could take lifestyle measures to reduce the fat.

Or I could just let it progress – and so work its way through the 4 stages I just described. With a possible terminal condition at the end of it.

Change what you do or face the consequences

My doctor told me I would have to lose weight, eat more healthily, exercise… and so on.

That’s good advice generally but… what does it actually mean?

What is healthy eating? To me it usually means eating salads and going hungry.

I went online to nail this down this healthy eating business – and I found such contradictory information that after an afternoon of searching and reading all I really learned was ‘eat less sugar, eat more vegetables’. That’s about all anyone could agree on.

On top of that, I have to admit: I’m an average cook. I don’t want super complicated recipes and meal plans that have me in the kitchen for hours on end.

And I’m not an exercise sort of person either. I lead a busy life and I want to spend my spare time relaxing – not lifting heavy weights at the gym or running endless hours around the park.

Yet…

I don’t want liver disease. I don’t want liver cancer. I don’t want to die.

So I knew that doing nothing was pretty dumb. And, if nothing else… I’m not dumb.

But what’s the best thing to do to get rid of fatty liver disease? In my opinion, the doctors were drawing a blank. ‘Eat healthily’. ‘Lose weight.’ ‘Don’t drink’. And so on.

No use at all.

Then I had a brainwave

There was an old health forum on the internet that I used to browse some time back when I had a back problem. There was occasionally some good advice there.

So I went back to it and searched for NAFLD. There was a small fatty liver discussion group there… not that active but I decided to post a question anyway.

‘What’s the best thing to do to get rid of non-alcoholic fatty liver disease?’

I got a few generic ‘lose weight!’ replies.

But then one day somebody posted a short but simple message that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

They had cleared their fatty liver problem completely – as in, no fat left at all – by following a lifestyle program created by someone called Julissa Clay.

It was called The Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease Solution and they said they no longer have fatty liver because they followed that program.

They didn’t say much more. A few comments about how you make gentle adjustments to your lifestyle until you were doing everything necessary for that fat to disappear….

I didn’t really need to read any more. The program arrived in my email inbox about 6 minutes later.

I caused this disease myself – now I know how to remedy it myself

And that’s really the first lesson to this whole fatty liver thing.

It’s not a virus. It’s not an injury. It wasn’t caused by some external event.

It was me who did it. And Julissa Clay’s program helped me realize it would have to be me who resolved it.

Her program, The Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease Solution, was my only ally in the effort to get back to health. And it worked.

By the time I had read a quarter of Julissa Clay’s strategy I already knew so much useful stuff about my condition that I was just itching to put it into action. My improvement started that day.

The basics – what I needed to know about my fatty liver

Instead of ‘eat more healthily’ or ‘stop drinking alcohol’ Julissa takes a practical and straightforward approach to restore liver health for good.

In The Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease Solution she describes the ‘3 pillars of liver health’. These are the fundamentals of restoring your liver to its fully healthy state.

The 3 pillars do their work quickly and – if you stick to them – for good.

But what I loved about all this – being a complete beginner – was not just that Julissa gave me a thorough education in liver health.

Her 3 pillars described exactly what was necessary to put it right… and then she gave me a step-by-step plan to follow so I could actually do it.

First, take a look at the 3 pillars:

Detox

Diet

Movement

Now, I don’t know about you but when I first saw those three words alarm bells rang!

I don’t like diets – I’ve never managed to keep to one and, to be honest, I never intended to try one again.

And movement… I’m not lazy but I am very busy. I don’t have time to spend an hour in the gym or run endless circles around the park.

And detox? I’m not into fads at all. It just isn’t me.

Turns out I was wrong on each count. Check this out and you’ll see why I was able to handle all this – and why I still do it today, even a year after my liver all-clear.

A program created for people like me

In the first place, Julissa’s solution is made for people like me.

People who aren’t stupid but who might not be on board with all this self development stuff.

People smart enough to know they have to act if they want to be healthy… but who need guidance to know how to act.

So here’s some detail about each of the three pillars – you’ll hopefully see the sense in this and, perhaps, realize why following it means I no longer have a fatty liver.

Let me run through Julia’s three pillars for you now.

Pillar 1. Protect the liver right now by detoxing it

Now detoxing conjures up lots of strange images – weird foods, odd potions, strange diets…

Actually, done properly, you barely notice you’re doing it.

We detox for one important reason: modern living puts into our bodies more chemicals than our bodies can sometimes handle.

It’s not our fault.

There’s a cocktail of nastiness hidden in foods, toiletries and common household products that you and I wouldn’t even consider.

Because our liver can’t get rid of that mess at the rate we create it we have to store some of these poisons in our bodies instead.

If we don’t detox then those stored toxins build up and create potentially serious health problems. Only a healthy liver can get rid of them… but my liver then – like your liver now – wasn’t healthy. It was diseased.

So detoxing simply means giving your body – especially your liver – the time and space it needs to start getting rid of all that nasty stuff.

So this is proper, non-faddy detox that does just that. It’s straightforward, it doesn’t require any pills or potions and it makes perfect sense.

There are 4 simple steps to flushing out the toxins in your body:

Understand the kind of foods and products we use that put liver-stressing chemicals into our bodies. Start swapping them for less stressing products. Very easy.

Choose foods that actively support your liver – foods that the liver loves and helps it perform at peak levels. There’s dozens of them – common ingredients, quickly sourced from local shops. Also very easy.

A week of serious detox. So here we still eat very well (ie we don’t go hungry at all) but for 7 days we focus solely on foods that allow our liver the space to clean up the accumulated build-up of nasty stuff. This requires a little attention but is still very straightforward.

Finally, we turn what we’ve learnt into a lifelong eating approach that is tasteful, joyful and respects that food is a vital part of our lives, our culture, our socializing and family time. In effect, we’re consolidating what we did above – so it’s not challenging at all.

Which leads us to pillar 2…

Pillar 2. Correct diet: preserve liver health for life

These 4 steps of detoxifying lead you naturally to creating a lifestyle plan that will last you for… life.

But Julissa understands completely that a time-consuming, restrictive, complicated plan is going to be a miserable experience for most people. We have lives. We have commitments, families, work… We want ease, not more problems.

So her solution is designed to be one that quickly becomes habit. It’s based on the kinds of lives that normal people live.

In truth, there are many, many foods we can eat to support our livers. There’s lots of choice – and it’s all available at your local supermarket.

However, there are some foods – called trigger foods – that actively work against our health. These include foods we might think of as being healthy but which we should either limit or stay well away from.

Julissa shows us that we can eat many things so long as we avoid a few things.

She shows us what the intelligent, healthful choices are when we go shopping – informed choices that will do the vital job of shrinking that fat right out of our livers.

Get your diet right and you can enjoy wholesome, easily prepared food that melts liver fat, melts body fat and helps ensure optimum health for life.

This pillar sets us up for…

Pillar 3. Move a little, burn that fat

I can’t pretend I was looking forward to this bit. I feel like my entire life is spent running around from here to there. What I least need is to have to find time – and energy – for more movement!

However, here are two things I can tell you for a fact:

First, I felt lighter and more energetic after just a week of eating according to Julissa’s plan. It’s incredible how much difference improving your eating can make to energy, mood and motivation.

Now, I won’t pretend that made me eager to exercise. But for the first time in my life I actually didn’t mind the prospect because I already felt better physically.

Second, Julissa’s movement plan is like no other I’ve ever seen. Instead of complex workouts that last for hours her exercise plan does two simple things really, really well:

She describes exercises that I could incorporate into what I already did in life. Her basic exercise plan is just 21 minutes a day – and Julissa shows how some or most of that can be combined with what I already did. A simple example: some of the movements she described can be done over the course of 4 television ads.

I mean, I’m sitting there anyway… I may as well do something during the ads that saves my liver!

She showed me exercises that accelerate fat burning yet take minutes to perform. So the longest exercise routine she described was 24 minutes. The shortest? Just 7 minutes. I can always find 7 minutes.

But Julissa is clear about one thing: to melt fat and improve our internal health we have to move more.

Remember those 4 stages from fatty liver to liver failure? The price of doing nothing is to move more quickly through those stages.

28 days to a new you…

Julissa’s food and movement plan was the least disruptive – and easiest to implement – that I’ve ever seen.

I still follow her advice today – partly because I don’t want liver disease again, partly because I actually enjoy what it does for me.

But it’s natural to wonder how we make use of all this great information. Knowing things is fine; knowing how to use that knowledge is a different matter.

Julissa fully understands this. So rather than throw all this information out at you and then expect you to just get on with it…. she instead steps you through it over 28 days.

She divides her plan up into 4 individual weeks.

Each week builds on the previous one. So it starts small and easy. And it pretty much stays easy because you’re just adding to what you’ve already done.

So I wasn’t a physically active person and I wasn’t a great cook either. But at the end of 28 days, I felt like a natural at all of it!

And that’s because I didn’t have to take on a whole life change in one hit. I adjusted a bit at a time until it just felt right.

It was an uplifting feeling knowing that these small changes were actively unclogging the fat from my liver.

Today it’s all instinctive. I don’t give it a moment’s thought. I eat very well, look really good, feel fantastic – and, of course, fatty liver is now just a distant memory.

Taking no risks – this is why the Solution works

Remember: fatty liver disease is a disease that is in motion. As a sufferer you’re moving through stages of the disease, each stage being significantly more dangerous than the previous one.

So this plan isn’t just treating the stage of the disease you’ve currently got, it’s treating the stage you’re heading towards next.

A single line of attack on liver disease can have some positive effects.

Julissa takes absolutely no chances though.

Her program is taking a multi-pronged approach to reducing the fat around your liver. Each one tackles the disease from a different direction ensuring that no stone is left unturned.

And each direction of attack is super-effective.

For example, scientists at the University of California carried out a short 9-days study that applied just one of the approaches contained in this program. The result was reduced blood cholesterol, reduced insulin resistance, and reduced blood pressure – plus a 7% reduction in liver fat.

That’s just one of this program’s approaches – and measured over just nine days.

Put all the program’s different factors together over a month… and you can start to see why The Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease Solution is so well acclaimed by people who have followed it.

Now I know how to treat my fatty liver

Having a copy of The Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease Solution in my hands gave me one other unexpected bonus.

Ever since I had realized that my disease wasn’t just fixed… that there were 4 stages it could go through – and that one of them was pretty deadly… I have to confess: I was scared.

Fatty liver… very fatty liver…Fibrosis… Cirrhosis…

Then the possibility of liver failure or liver cancer.

All this and our doctors have no remedy for this disease… until it’s so bad that they have to remove the old liver and put in a new one in. The complications associated with a liver transplant don’t bear thinking about…

Both the seriousness of the disease and the fact that I really had no confidence in these inadequate ‘eat healthy’, ‘get more exercise’ orders from my doctor had me feeling very vulnerable.

But now I knew what to do.

Now I not only had a comprehensive plan to melt away the fat that was clogging up my liver – I actually understood how the plan worked.

So for the first time since my diagnosis, I felt empowered, knowledgeable – and supremely confident that I could reverse treat this disease once and for all.

And that, of course, is exactly what I did.

My next bloodwork showed a hugely reduced fat content in my liver. And my final bloodwork confirmed the inevitable: there was no more fat there and I no longer suffered from non-alcoholic fatty liver disease.

Small steps to a huge outcome

I didn’t want to get liver disease. You didn’t either. I found out that about a third of westerners have fatty livers – most of whom don’t actually know it. The really unlucky ones never find out about their condition until it’s too late.

But if the mix of genetics, lifestyle, environment are such that fat is slowly but consistently being added to your liver then you’re on a path that takes you through the four stages I mentioned earlier. I sure as heck did not want to end up going down that path.

I felt that final stage – cirrhosis – was there, a little way down the line, just waiting for me. That’s where things can go horribly and irreversibly wrong. That, more than anything else, is what made me take this matter into my own hands.

I’m so glad I did.

Despite my reluctance to spend time in the kitchen or do much exercise The Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease Solution’s step-by-step approach to helping me gradually improve my life was an absolute life-saver.

I didn’t stop following the program’s instructions – even once my liver was fat-free. Why on earth would I?

Look at what the program did for me:

no more fatty liver disease – and no realistic chance of me ever getting it again

noticeably more energy and vigor – both at work, at home and throughout the day

deeper sleep all night – and better moods during the day

more illness immunity – significantly less chance of getting diabetes, obesity, high blood pressure or heart disease

a slimmer figure – a by-product of the program, I lost nearly 18 pounds of body fat without restricting portions, counting calories or feeling hungry

Julissa’s plan is no longer a ‘plan’ to me. It’s just my way of life. Everything about it is just habit. I don’t have to think about it.

And I don’t remember ever feeling this good. I absolutely love it.

If you’re not the type… well, nor was I

I’m not a person who buys programs from the internet. When I’m ill I trust my doctors to make me better.

My view is that if they don’t know… then nobody knows.

This experience shows me that perhaps that isn’t always the case. This time they didn’t know. But somebody else did.

I needed effective, accurate advice. And I need someone to show me how to save my health in a way that was straightforward and easy to follow. Julissa did that for me.

Because I was so panicked by the knowledge that my fatty liver was on a path towards liver cirrhosis – and, maybe, worse – I had regular blood tests for fatty liver from almost the same week that I started Julissa’s program.

I’ve not had fat in my liver for over a year now.

I might be paranoid. But I want to always be sure. And I am sure. My liver is lean and healthy. And so am I.

I got the future I wanted…

Imagine… from today onwards and every single day, a tiny bit of the fat that’s squeezing the life out of your liver is now being melted away. There’s less scarring and your liver gradually starts to regain its natural flexibility.

Doing exactly what the liver needs for optimum health means there’s now an end-date for the disease.

At some point in the not-too-distant future, most or all of that fat is gone.

That’s how it worked out for me. And, it should be said, for hundreds of men and women who were in the same position I was… who were in the same position that you’re in now.

We made some small but powerful lifestyle changes. We made a few different choices at the supermarket. And we melted away our liver problem forever.

Address fatty liver quickly. Don’t let it reach a stage where the damage is critical and the consequences are irreversible.

Julissa’s Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease Solution tells you what to do to melt away that liver fat. The program addresses a disease that your doctor simply cannot help you with.

And, for me, the side-effects of this program are less belly fat, better sleep, lower stress, more energy and the end of food cravings.

Julissa Gives You Her Guarantee!

Julissa takes all the risk off your shoulders. She wants to make sure that The Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease Solution will melt away that liver fat until your blood works show you’re all clear. If your liver fat hasn’t gone within 60 days of buying this program, or if you’re not 100% happy with the program for any reason, you can have your money back. Just email her anytime within 60 days of ordering

That sounds like a generous guarantee. It’s not really. Because Julissa already knows this program works. There are literally hundreds of fat-free people like me who are living, walking proof of it. But the guarantee is there for you anyway. If you think this program didn’t save your liver then you can have your money back.

Get your copy of Julissa’s program right now. Order by clicking here and it’ll be with you in a few minutes…

Meaningful change, in small steps

My fatty liver wasn’t going to become unfatty unless I did something to make it unfatty.

Yours won’t either.

So I did do something. I followed a step-by-step plan that not only melted fat from my liver but from other parts of my body too.

I caught my liver disease in time and prevented it from developing into something life-threatening and irreversible.

My blood works consistently confirm my liver is healthy.

While my upbeat, positive mood, better sleep, increased energy, and reduced weight confirm the rest of me is in excellent condition too.

What we do to our bodies determines what our bodies do back to us. We can heal ourselves.

Reclaim your health once and for all – Julissa Clay’s Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease Solution will start your own healing process today. You can get it right here…

Fatty Liver: How it ends

My biggest incentive to follow Julissa’s solution was, to put it bluntly, to save my life.

If my fatty liver progressed through the stages then it ends with cirrhosis and possible liver failure. And that’s irreversible.

I knew that if I avoided making some changes to my lifestyle now I could end up needing a liver transplant later.

No thanks.

My choice was: tackle the problem while it was just fatty liver disease… or tackle it when it became irreversible and possibly fatal liver cirrhosis.

I don’t know how my own version of fatty liver disease was going to progress. But why would it simply improve on its own? If everything I did to cause it was still happening… then it’s going to get worse, isn’t it?

Again, no thanks. I’m not a fool and I’m not taking that risk.

So I didn’t.

I got Julissa’s program instead. It was guaranteed to work or I get my money back. So no risks.

I did what she told me to do. It worked. I am well, happy, healthy.

If you value your own health and wellbeing I honestly recommend you do the same. The program that saved me can be in your inbox in about 3 minutes.

Get it here…

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