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justagalwhowrites · 10 months

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Lavender No Outbreak AU - Ch. 5

The Miller family grows. The final part of the Lavender No Outbreak AU, continued from Ch. 1-4 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Smut :), Some slurs (anti-LGBTQIA+ - they are immediately rebuked). No use of Y/N. Minors DNI, 18+ only.

Length: 4.3k

Tuesday, September 14, 2021

“Hey Doc?” Jess slid up beside you at the nurses station where you were reviewing charts. “That one kid from Boston is here for the trial? She’s that special case?”

“Oh right,” you said. “God, thank you for reminding me. Swear I’d lose my head if it wasn’t attached this week, I’m just all over the map.”

You’d been scrambling for weeks to get everything in place for the first clinical trial the hospital was facilitating since the COVID-19 pandemic. You hadn’t fully realized just how much the pandemic had taken out of you before that, just how much had changed.

It was like you’d been in total crisis mode for a year, all the time. It had damn near fried your brain. You basically lived at the hospital. When you were home, you slept in the garage, where Joel had set up a cot and TV and a loveseat, too afraid of getting him or Evie sick to go in the house. You smiled at your husband and daughter through glass, wanting more than anything to just touch them. The second everyone was vaccinated, Joel held you for hours, clinging to you like a man at sea clings to a life raft.

It was so hard, now, to do anything normal. Your mind kept scattering, trying to find the crisis that needed solving first before it could do anything like planning or building things out. Arranging the trial had been an uphill slog.

“What’s this kid’s name again?” You asked.

“Ellie,” she replied. “She’s a character, I think you’ll like her.”

Jess knocked once on the door to the hospital room and opened it. Inside was a small girl, maybe 12, playing a video game on the TV. Something where she was shooting zombies. You smiled a little. She paused it.

“Hi Ellie,” Jess smiled. “I wanted to introduce you to Dr. Miller, she’s going to be running your trial and the lead doctor on your case.”

“Hi Ellie,” you smiled. She looked you up and down.

“Hi,” she said. “So you’re the one who’s going to go poking around with my blood and junk?”

“Yup,” you popped the p. “We’re going to run some tests, steal as much blood of yours as we can to feed the vampires in the basement, and then hopefully get you so that you’re not coming in and dealing with people like me quite so much. Sound good?”

She considered you seriously.

“You really think you can make a difference?” She asked. “Because going to the hospital all the time is kind of bullshit.”

You laughed a little.

“Yeah, that must get old real quick,” you said. “And it’s probably not fun having to give up your blood and stuff all the time, huh?”

“Yeah, that part really sucks,” she slumped back in her pillows.

You frowned, getting the sense that she wanted to say something else.

“Want to tell me all the stuff that sucks about it?” You asked, coming and sitting on the edge of her bed. “I might be able to help.”

“Can you help find me parents who will deal with taking me to the hospital all the time if this doesn’t work?” She asked. “Because I’m pretty sure having a broken kid is a deal breaker when the people who want to adopt someone start shopping around.”

Your heart broke a little in that moment. Her face was hard, her small chin jutting out defiantly, but she was hurting. You knew she was.

“Well if they wouldn’t take care of you when you’re not feeling well, they’re not the kinds of parents you’d want anyway,” you said.

“How would you know?” She muttered.

“I don’t have parents either,” you shrugged. She looked at you, skeptical. “And not just because I’m old. I never had parents, my dad left before I was born and my mom left two months after she had me. It sucks, I get it.

“But trust me, there are a lot of parents I see in here who are good and a lot who aren’t. And the not good ones? It’s better to have no parents than them,” you said. “So really, you just have built in protection. Immunity from the extra crappy parents.”

She laughed once.

“Maybe I should keep the screwed up blood then,” she said.

“Nah, think we’ll fix that,” you said. “Make sure you’re all set and ready to take it easy once you’re a grown up. Just give all the potential parents a really tough questionnaire. See if you can trip them up. You seem smart, I think you can weed them out with enough practice. OK?”

“OK,” she half smiled at you.

The rest of the day went by and your mind kept drifting back to Ellie. You grabbed Jess on her way down to the cafeteria.

“Hey,” you said quickly. “Ellie, where is she staying while she’s here for the trial?”

“One of the group homes,” she said. “It’s not ideal but it’s the only arrangement we could come up with and the trial would be really good for her…”

You nodded slowly and thanked her before ducking outside and calling Joel.

“Hey Baby,” he answered. You were almost surprised. His contracting business had picked up quite a bit in recent years and he spent most of his days running from job site to job site to manage progress. He couldn’t always answer the phone on the job.

“I know you’re busy so I’ll make it quick,” you said. “How would you feel about becoming foster parents?”

Tuesday, October 5, 2021

You got your third daughter for your 43rd birthday.

Jess had helped speed you and Joel through the process to get approved to take her home, Sarah almost strangely OK with you dismantling her old room to make it something Ellie would like, excited about getting her new sister.

You’d given Ellie your tablet one day during lunch, letting her go on Amazon and pick out bedding and decorations for her room. You’d had to transfer care for her to another doctor - though she still got to stick with the trial - but it was worth it.

She and Joel became such fast friends it almost made your head spin. You introduced the two one day when he came by to meet you for lunch. Ellie was playing her zombie game and he asked if he could join in.

“Don’t want you dragging my stats down,” she said.

“Think I can keep up,” he replied. She looked skeptical but handed him the second controller, anyway. Joel, you were happy to say, did surprisingly well. He even tallied more kills than Ellie did.

“No way,” she said. “We’re trading controllers, mine doesn’t work right.”

“Tellin’ ya,” he said. “Nothin’ to do with the controller and everything to do with how you handle the scenario…”

He traded controllers anyway. He bested her a second time, shrugging with a slight smile.

“You dick!” She laughed. He laughed back.

When you left the room he put his hands in his back pockets and sighed.

“Can’t let her go to a group home,” he said. “Just throw her in the car and bring ‘er home, fuck the rules.”

You kissed him, not sure you’d ever loved him more.

“Oh cool, you didn’t say you had a pool!” She ran to the sliding glass door, pressing her nose against it before looking back at you. “Can you teach me to swim?”

“Sure,” you smiled. “Might be a little cold to now but…”

“Think I can handle it,” she replied.

You showed her around the house, introduced her to Evie, left her to settle into her room and sat next to Joel on the couch.

“Happy birthday, Baby,” he kissed your temple. “Been a good one?”

“Oh cool!” Ellie stuck her head into the hall. “There’s a freaking telescope in here?”

She ran back into her room.

You smiled.

“Pretty damn good.”

***

Tuesday, August 29, 2023

Joel wasn’t exactly thrilled to get a call from Ellie’s school when they’d barely been back a week.

“Mr. Miller,” the woman on the phone said. “I’m afraid we couldn’t reach your wife but Ellie has been fighting at school…”

“On my way,” he replied, yelling instructions to Tommy as he jogged to his truck.

He wasn’t quite sure what to do here. Sarah and Evie had hardly been scrappy girls. Sure, they had some behavioral issues here and there - Evie got into the bad habit of sneaking out of the house her senior year of high school, something that worried both you and Joel to no end.

But neither of them had ever thrown a punch.

At least, as far as he knew.

Ellie, strangely, was more like him than either of his biological daughters. He saw it when she played her video games, the way she got worked up and invested in them. He saw it when she noticed some kind of injustice and stomped off to try to handle it herself, resorting almost immediately to physical solutions instead of trying to talk it out. Joel understood her better than you did.

But even though Ellie was on the scrappy side, he doubted she’d have started hitting someone unless she had a damn good reason. He just needed to figure out what it was.

You pulled into the parking lot behind him, parking alongside his truck.

“Hey Baby,” he pulled you in for a quick kiss. “They said they couldn’t reach you.”

“Yeah, I was closing when they called,” you replied. “I got the message only a few minutes later and just got changed and ran over… There has to be a reason, right? I mean, Ellie is Ellie but she wouldn’t hit someone without a damn good reason.”

He smiled a little at you.

“Told you lately that I fuckin’ love you?” He asked. “Because I fuckin’ love you.”

You led the way into the building, beelining for the administration offices. Joel recognized the look in your eyes. It was the look you got when something had pissed you off and you were going to fix it, come hell or high water.

It was a look that had made you advance at the hospital, knowing exactly when to use your tenacity to go after something you thought needed to change, knowing exactly how to go about it to make it happen. Whether it was making nice with the right people or going scorched earth, you always seemed to find the right way to navigate it.

Joel almost felt sorry for the staff as you walked into the office. He knew your scorched earth look when he saw it.

“Hi,” you said. “We’re the Millers, Ellie Williams’ parents. We were told she was here?”

“Of course,” the woman led the two of you back to a counselor’s office.

Ellie was sitting in the corner, arms crossed, her eye black. She looked pissed, like she was on the verge of tears.

“Oh Baby Girl,” Joel went and dropped to his knee in front of her, taking his face in his hand. “Who hit you?”

“Stupid girl,” she muttered.

“Mr. and Mrs. Miller,” the counselor smiled tightly. “I’m afraid we have a problem here.”

“Yes,” you said, not taking the woman’s outstretched hand. “I’m afraid we do. Is there a reason my daughter clearly hasn’t been to the nurse’s office? She doesn’t have an ice pack for her eye, who knows what other injuries she might have…”

“Well, the girl Ellie hit is in the nurse’s office now,” the woman responded, defensive. “We can send Ellie down after…”

“No need,” you replied. “She’ll be coming home with us until we can establish whether or not your school can provide competent care for our child.”

“Well, your child hit another student,” she said. “In front of several teachers. She threw the first punch. The first several, actually…”

“She started it!” Ellie yelled. You gave her a look and she sat back in her chair, muttering. “Well, she did….”

“Did you talk to this other girl?” You asked the counselor, eyebrows raised. “Or did you just blame my child because she’s newer to the district and in foster care?”

“I can assure you, Ellie’s status had nothing to do…”

“Ellie,” you turned to her. “Why did you hit the other girl?”

She looked at you for a second before looking to Joel, her eyes pleading.

“Come on, Baby Girl,” he said. “You have to tell us what happened or we can’t help you.”

“It… it involves bad words,” she glanced at the counselor.

“You can say them,” Joel said, looking at the counselor too, all but daring her to try to tell him otherwise.

Ellie sighed.

“She called my friend Riley a dyke,” she looked to the floor. “Said she was going to burn in hell…”

“And that’s when you hit her?” You asked, voice calm.

“No,” Ellie looked up. “Then she said that she wanted to kill all the dykes to send them to hell faster. Then I hit her.”

Joel felt his blood get hot. Didn’t matter that it was toward another teenager, Joel wanted someone to hurt. He glanced to you, your jaw squared, and you looked back toward the counselor.

“So you just let children in your school use genocidal language toward other students?” You asked.

“Mrs. Miller…”

“It’s Dr. Miller, actually,” you cut her off. “Since you apparently didn’t bother to look in Ellie’s file and see what her foster mother does for a living, I’ll fill you in. I’m the chief of pediatric surgery for the largest hospital system in Austin which means I know every single social worker in the county. I’ve treated the children of some of the most powerful people in the state because they seek me out. I am more than willing to call in every single favor that I have - which I promise is a lot - and leverage every single cent I own to personally destroy you and everyone in this district who allows such behavior to run unchecked. I will orchestrate a PR nightmare so thorough you won’t recover for years. You will have to beg Ronald McDonald for a job slinging fries by the time I’m done with you, do you understand me?”

The woman glanced at Joel who just shrugged. He wasn’t about to help her. She was lucky she was dealing with you, you were just threatening her livelihood. He was tempted to threaten her life.

“If you want to keep your job,” you said. “You’re going to investigate this incident as thoroughly as possible. You are going to remove that other girl from this school before she hurts anyone else. You are going to institute new training procedures so your faculty and staff know how to handle incidents with LGBTQ students because, apparently, that needs some improvement around here. Think you can handle that?”

“I’ll discuss it with the principal,” her eyes were a little wide. Joel smirked.

“Good,” you replied. “I’ll be in touch to follow up. In the mean time, I’m going to take Ellie home as an excused absence to make sure she receives appropriate medical attention for injuries she received while under your care. I’ll also be reaching out to my attorney to make sure any and all liability in this case is appropriately considered.”

You stood up and Ellie stood up with you. You put your arm around her.

“Come on,” you said. “We’re going home.”

Ellie pressed herself against your side and gave you a quick hug before she climbed in Joel’s car.

“For the record,” Joel said. “Not sure I’ve ever wanted to fuck you more than when you were chewing out that counselor.”

“Good to know I can still turn you on,” you teased before you sighed. “So, Ellie’s friend…”

“Always kinda figured,” he shrugged. “She’ll tell us when she’s ready.”

“Yeah,” you said. “See you at home?”

He kissed you.

“Hopefully more than see you.”

That night at dinner, Ellie only picked at her food, moving it around on her plate.

“We’re not mad at you, Baby Girl,” Joel said, looking at her. “You know that, right?”

She sighed.

“I know.”

“Want to talk about anything?” You asked.

“You called me your daughter,” she said.

Joel looked at you for a moment.

“Well yeah,” Joel shrugged. “That’s how we think of you. We can use another word if you’d rather but…”

“OK but if I’m your daughter why haven’t you tried to adopt me?” She asked, looking between you. “I mean, if you just don’t want to…”

“Oh Baby Girl,” Joel leaned in closer to her. “Do you want us to adopt you? Because we just didn’t want to do anything that you weren’t askin’ for. We’d love nothing more than to adopt you.”

“Really?” She asked.

“Of course!” You smiled. “What, you think we let just any ol’ gremlin come in here? Just the special ones.”

She smiled a little at that.

“Cool.”

You started the paperwork in the morning.

Saturday, October 7, 2023

Joel had been looking for a good reason to take all his girls camping and your birthday seemed to be a good a reason as any.

Sarah came with Brandon and Carson, who was now five. Evie was happy for an excuse to get away from college after a bad breakup with her girlfriend. Ellie was just excited to get to spend more time with her sisters. Even Tommy came with his wife, Maria. Just when they’d started to expect him to never settle down, he met the perfect woman. Unlike Joel, he wasted no time in locking her down, a fact he loved to rub in.

And Joel? He was just happy to have all his favorite people under one roof.

He’d rented a cabin big enough that you and him would have some space - since he fully intended on making you cum until you couldn’t see straight - and grabbed steak and hot dogs and enough junk food to feed a small army.

Sarah still lit her marshmallows on fire for Smores but Joel caught her stealing some of Brandon’s less burned ones when they were all around the campfire one night. He took Carson and Ellie down to the lake and taught them both how to fish while you and Sarah stayed back at the cabin to chat, the two of you still the best of friends decades after he’d first hired you to be her nanny. He made the mistake of letting you pick the hike one day and he paid the price when Evie - who’d always been clumsy - twisted her ankle. Joel had to carry her back to camp, you cursing yourself for not packing more first aid supplies in your hiking bag. Ellie set up her telescope in a clearing and spent hours looking at the stars, far enough from the city lights that she was in awe of them.

“Good birthday?” Joel asked as you climbed into bed beside him the last night there.

“Perfect birthday,” you kissed him.

His hands drifted to your breast and you smiled against his mouth.

“Some things never change, do they?” You teased.

“You stop wantin’ it and I’ll stop doin’ it,” he replied, sliding a hand over your body to your leg, hitching it over his hip.

“You know me so well.”

He undressed you slowly, taking his time touching you everywhere he knew you loved his fingers to linger. When you tugged his pants down, you took his length in your hand, working him up and down for a moment, before you took him in your mouth, so hot and wet he had to stop himself from moaning too loud. You sucked him slowly, working your way down his thick shaft until you were nearly choking on him before going back up again, moving harder and faster each time, your tongue pressing against the thick vein that ran on the underside of him.

“Fuck, Baby,” he groaned. “Tryin’ to make me cum before I’m even inside you?”

You choked out something that sounded like a ‘no’ from around his cock and he groaned.

“You get just another minute of that,” he said, straining to keep his composure. “Want to cum inside your pussy, not your mouth.”

Just when he felt like he couldn’t take anymore, he grabbed your hair and pulled you off him, panting for breath. You wiped your mouth.

“Here I thought you liked that,” you whispered.

“More than liked it,” he muttered, grabbing your hips and yanking you toward him with a quiet yelp followed by a giggle. “Gonna have to do something to make sure you keep bein’ that good to me…”

He dipped his fingers into you, making you groan. He smiled.

“This wet just from suckin’ me off?” He breathed. You moaned in response. “Fucking hell, you really are the perfect woman…”

He added another finger and leaned down, taking your clit into his mouth, sucking and licking you while his fingers opened you until you came so hard it felt like you might snap off his fingers.

Joel slipped his fingers from you and ran them over his cock, using your wetness to make him slick enough to enter you. He notched his head against you and settled between your legs, pressing into you in one firm, demanding stroke.

“Fuck,” you panted, your back arching. “So full…”

“Love you full of me,” he said, grinding himself against you before pulling back and pushing into you again.

Your arms went around his neck as he picked up the pace, pressing his cock all the way into you with each stroke. You pushed yourself up off the bed and he smiled, kissing you as he helped you to straddle his lap while he was still inside you. He held you close while you rose and fell over him, thrusting up to meet you with every firm stroke. Your breasts bounced with the force of it, your head tilted back in pleasure as he sucked and licked his way up and down your throat.

“Joel,” you breathed. “Want to cum with you. So close…”

“Fuck Baby,” he groaned as you moved harder, faster, angling your hips so his stomach pressed into your clit while his head caught on the spot inside you that made you moan. He liked to think of that spot as his place in you, where he’d been made to reach and satisfy. Never did he feel as complete as when he was inside you, making you cum around him.

“Joel,” you gasped as you started to cum again, clinging to him with your whole body. He thrust into you once more before filling you.

“Love you so much,” he kissed you, your body pressed tight against his own. “Fuck, I love you.”

When things went back to the normal routine after the camping trip, Joel printed off a picture that Sarah had taken on her phone during the hike. It was just before Evie had twisted her ankle and everyone was smiling, the frame filled with the faces of everyone Joel had ever loved.

He wrote on the back of the picture, as though he’d ever forget who any of you were to him: “My girls + Carson, Me, Tommy, Maria and Brandon - October, 2023.”

You worked until after seven that night. Joel made dinner - nothing like what you could do but you kissed him like you thought it was a gourmet meal all the same - and Ellie was out with her friend Riley.

“Anything you in the mood for this evening?” He asked, pouring you another glass of wine.

“Nothing in particular,” you smiled. “Oh, we could watch When Harry Met Sally! Such fantastic fall vibes…”

“I think I can handle that,” he smiled a little.

“I mean, it is your favorite movie,” you smiled back. “I’ll clean up if you want to get it queued up?”

He found the movie on the Apple TV and was about to set it to play when he glanced at the record player in the corner. You’d painted little purple flowers along one side of it. They’d faded and chipped a bit since but he still loved those little flowers, a physical representation of you. He lit the candle on the coffee table - lavender scented, one of your favorites. He pulled out Slowhand and set it to play Wonderful Tonight just as he heard the water cut off in the kitchen. You laughed, leaning in the doorway to the living room.

“Clapton, hm?” You asked, eyebrows raised.

“Well, when the song stops bein’ true, I’ll stop playin’ it,” he held his hand out to you. You smiled hugely and took it, tucking yourself against him. He held you close, swaying in time to the music, the smell of lavender on the air.

You stretched up to kiss him as the song ended and Joel turned the record player off before settling in beside you on the couch, glass of wine in hand.

“I think our little ‘how we met video’ for this movie would be fun,” you said during the opening credits. “Me, a college girl with a crush…”

“Me, an old man who was practically head over heels for you from first sight,” he said.

You laughed.

“Think we’ve made a pretty good go of it though,” you looked up at him through your eyelashes.

He smiled and kissed your forehead, surrounded by your warmth, the signs of the children you’d raised with him, and the smell of lavender.

“Wouldn’t change a damn thing.”

A/N: Thank you so much for reading this overly long exercise in "What would happen if?" I like to think this version of Doc and Joel are living in Austin right now, happy with their girls.

Thanks for being here, thanks for sticking with it, thanks for being a part of this. Love you all!

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #smut fic

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greazyfloz · 1 year

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Lovers & Strangers -Chapter 7

I sat in the airport early Saturday morning probably still drunk waiting for my flight. Somehow Ethan convinced me to stay on Wednesday night, and he was serious about me coming to Minnesota. His parents arrived yesterday, and will be waiting to pick me up when I get there. I don’t know why I couldn’t just take a later flight but here I am, sitting in the airport at 5:45 am for my 6:20 am flight. I literally was only able to have a 2 hour nap… I shouldn’t be here.

When I got to my seat on the plane I fell asleep immediately and slept the entire 2 hour flight. This time when I woke I was hungover.

I got off the plane and made my way past the baggage claim to not only see Ethan’s parents but mine… Great. I walk over and my parents each give me a hug, then Ethan’s parents proceed to give me a hug next. “Hey! How have you been?” Ethan’s mom says and I smile slightly

“Good!” I say and she looks at me again

“You feeling okay?” she says grabbing my parents attention

“You look white” my mom says

“Plane sick” I lie

“Since when have you gotten plane sick? You love plane rides.” My mother says again

“Lots of turbulence this time, I don’t know mom” I say before we head out of the airport.

We go to breakfast at some small cafe as our parents chat about this afternoon's plans to go to the Mall of America, since we can’t really see him until after his game tonight. “No offense but I just want to have a nap” I say to them.

“You don’t want to shop?” my mother looks at me confused.

“Not really, I was up late last night” I say

They continue talking about last night and seeing Ethan as I swirl my food around the plate, as I’m really not hungry. My attention was suddenly grabbed at the sound of Mark’s name. “And that Mark is a sweetheart” my mother says and I look up

“Oh he is the sweetest, a really good boy! Always greets us when we go down to the school.” Ethan’s mother confirms

They continue talking about Mark, where he is from, what his parents are like, what his parents do for a living, his academic standing, etc.. It really amazes me how Mark comes off as so sweet to everyone else except for me.

After breakfast they drop me off at the hotel giving me a key. I walked into the hotel and up to the room where I layed for a bit, I pulled out Instagram and posted the pictures I took last weekend. After I posted I fell asleep.

Ethan and I’s parents arrive back into the room and gently wake me up. As I’m getting ready to roll out of bed I pick up my phone checking my Instagram notification on my recent post as commenting back.

yourusername

liked by edwards.73, nicoleeee, savswrld, and others

Tagged: savswrld, edwards.73, nicoleeee, cassidyholms & khlofosho

yourusername last weekend's photodump #goblue 💙

view all 15 comments

edwards.73 who's that handsome man? 🤤

mackie.samo I was wondering the same thing

nicoleeee no one I'd rather pee with 💓

savswrld Um, hello? cassidyholms we are irrelevent

khlofosho All the good pictures get taken when I don't go 😭

I start getting ready for the game quickly as it took me awhile to roll out of the bed. As I am in the bathroom putting makeup on, my mother comes in and shuts the door behind her. “Can I help you?” I ask her giving her a side eye in the mirror.

“Have you been checking your grades lately?” she says looking at me through the mirror

“Last I checked they weren’t that bad” I say before batting my eyelashes on my mascara wand, “calm down” I say rolling my eyes

“You’re at risk of academic probation, you lost your scholarship for next year, and you’ve been absolutely hell to be around, and you are trying to tell me I should be calm. Y/f/n I will tell you right now, If you end up on academic probation I won’t even allow you to go back in the fall to correct that!” she says sternly at me, “understand me?”

“Yes! Okay! Jeez, I’ll try harder” I say and my mother shakes her head leaving the bathroom. I finish up before going back out to meet everyone in the hallway. We went out for supper and then headed over to the game.

After the big win, we all headed down to the ice level to meet with Ethan. I stand with our parents as they chat about the game Ethan just played as I see him walk around the corner. When we make eye contact, he makes a funny face to me and I scrunch my nose and smile back as he approaches our group. He hugs both his parents, then mine.

“So what’s the plan for tonight?” Ethan’s father asks him

“Just bed, celly starts tomorrow when we're back” he says and a small chuckle escapes his lips. “You guys going right back? He asks our parents

“We might go out for a drink” his mother tells him right before someone yells out that they are loading up the bus

“Okay, well if I don’t see you tonight, we are eating breakfast at the hotel tomorrow morning at 8” he says, hugging us all one last time before walking towards the group.

I get dropped off at the hotel and make my way to the room. As I get off the elevator I make the turn around the wall entering the hallway where my parents and I’s room is when I see Ethan standing outside my door. It’s been quite a few days without sex, so I knew exactly what he wanted. And I wanted it too.

“Oh, I thought the celebration starts tomorrow” I say as I approach him.

“I was thinking we could get an early start,” he says, making me instantly weak in the knees.

“Alright, but we gotta be quick” I say unlocking the door and we both enter. I shut the door that connects to Ethan’s parents room and turn to Ethan taking my shirt off in the process. Ethan takes his off as he watches me unclasp my bra, and we take our pants off at the same time so we are both completely naked.

I walk up and press my lips to his and we being making out. He pushes me hard against the door I just shut. He trails kisses down to my chest as he massages my tits. He then begins sucking hard on them, making me gulp. “C-careful!” I say to him and he begins massaging my tits a little more rough making me throw my head back on the door behind me.

I begin to slowly lower myself and he releases my tits so I can face his cock. I spit down on it before grabbing it and stroking him. I look up to make eye contact with him, “You don’t know how bad I needed this” he says then releases a heavy breath. I tilt my head and lick from the bottom of his cock up to his tip, kissing it before sliding it in my mouth. I begin sucking on his tip first as I stroke his the rest of his cock with my free hands. I release my mouth and look up at him before entering him back in my mouth even further. I continue sucking back and forth and I hear Ethan give me praises through his soft moans. “C-come’ir” he says and I release his cock from my mouth standing in front of him. He grabs his cock and strokes it a few times as he brings his lips to mine to makeout with me again. He lets go of his cock when he feels my hand try to take over and reaches down rubbing circles around my clit fast, “I’m already so close” he says breaking from the kiss so he can watch me moan as he slips two fingers inside of me pumping it a few times before curling his fingers hard inside of me.

“Fuck E” I moan out as Ethan bites on to his lip enjoying watching me moan for him. He then pulls his fingers out and I whimper slightly at the loss of friction between us. He pulls me over to the bed and leans me down so I was bent over the bed laying on my stomach. His foot hits mine hinting to push them apart so both my legs take to steps apart opening my legs for Ethan.

I hear his balls swing back and forth hitting skin and he strokes himself hard before thrusting into me deep, “Fuck Ethan!” I whimper loudly and he stops himself deep inside of me before saying: “Shhh! We can’t be too loud”.

He begins thrusting inside of me as he grabs my hips so he can become more forceful as he pushes himself in me. He pumps hard and fast, making my legs weak. I can’t help but to arch my back slightly. At this new angle Ethan repeatedly his my g-spot over and over, “Fuck Ethan right there! OH MY GOD!” I whimper loudly again. He doesn’t shush me this time instead I feel him twitch inside of me slightly as he continues thrusting into me. He cums inside of me as he is thrusting me quickly becoming sloppy.

“Oh Fuck!” he says pulling himself out of me fast

“Again Ethan?! Seriously?” I ask him as he runs to the bathroom grabbing some toilet paper to wipe up the cream oozing out of me.

“Fuck, I’m sorry!” he says handing me another bit of toilet paper to clean what he missed. I clean myself and take the cream filled toilet paper and throw it into the toilet flushing it as Ethan gets changed. I come back out and get myself dressed as Ethan lays on the bed watching me.

After I get dressed I open the door between the two rooms and crawl beside Ethan. He puts his arm over my shoulder as he turns the tv on. We watched the tv before I accidentally fell asleep and Ethan slipped away without waking me.

In the morning, the alarm goes off at 6:30 am and I sit up immediately rubbing our eyes. I look over at my parents bed to see them already up scrolling through their phones on Facebook or reading some article or something. I roll back over falling asleep for a bit before another alarm goes off at 7. I finally get up and make my way to take a shower.

I get myself ready then grab my bag and heading down to put it in the car. When I put the bag in the car, I then turn back towards the hotel and join Ethan’s parents for breakfast. As we eat the whole team came down. Ethan sat at the table with us waiting for the area to be less squished by the breakfast area, before getting up to get his own, then sitting with his team.

After I finished eating, it was time for us to leave so I could catch my flight. Ethan quickly came over and gave his parents and my parents a hug, telling him that he will see them next weekend before hugging me, “I’ll see you in a bit” he says with a soft smile.

#ethan edwards #ethan edwards smut #ethan edwards imagine #mark estapa x reader #mark estapa #umich hockey smut #umich hockey imagine #umich imagine #umich hockey

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words-after-midnight · 1 year

Text

Seven Snippets, Seven People

Thank you for the tag, @talesofsorrowandofruin!

Tagging: @catchingbigfish, @sunset-a-story, @coffeexafterxmidnight, @justnerdy15, @halfvirgo, @winterandwords, @linaket

I'll share seven snippets from the previous version of Life in Black and White - these mostly aren't my favorite bits, as those are mostly full of spoilers or part of the end arc, which I don't share at all except with readers. However, I do really like all of these!

I called in sick to work tonight. Jenna doesn’t know. I walk through the park at sundown, iPod on, sitting on a bench facing the water. I sit there, in silence, until the retreating sun is replaced by stars and moonlight.

What with the thick fog clouding my mind, I’ve hardly seen the time pass. Before I know it, it’s almost the end of what was supposed to be my shift. I have about an hour, give or take, to get back to the apartment before Jenna starts worrying.

Suddenly, just as I’m about to leave and call it a night, I hear the sound of fireworks. And then I see them, shooting up into the clear night sky, over the water. No idea what the occasion is. I just sit there, spellbound, staring into their bright reflections. I could swear he sent them to me, just to rub salt in the wound. I get up from the bench and step up to the railing, multicolored lights dancing before me.

"You’ll finally be able to move on, and be free of this. Now, I’m not saying you have to go home today and confront him – I know you, and I know that’s not going to end well. I’m just saying, maybe a real, man-to-man talk with your father is overdue. We could do it here, if you’d like. Isabelle could also be present if you’d feel more comfortable.” She pauses and looks at me in a way that makes it seem like she’s done with her little speech, so I say, “Can I talk now?” She says, “Yes.” I look at her very seriously, very overtly, and I say quite simply: “I have nothing to say to my father.”

“Yeah.” I say, looking at him. He looks at me, too, and it might be the vodka, but it’s like his eyes have a search warrant out for my soul. I look back at the moon, so fucking thankful that mind-reading isn’t a real thing (according to Catricia). “Guess we have that in common.”

“Guess so,” he says. “So what’re you doing here, then?”

“What?”

“I mean, you said you go to Isabelle’s when your dad’s being a fuckwit.”

“Yeah?”

“So why’d you come here?”

Does he want me to leave? Probably. This must be a huge inconvenience. “I don’t know,” I say - obviously a bold-faced lie, but he doesn’t need to know that. “First place that came to mind, I guess."

After a few minutes, he opens the newspaper that was left on the table and I go back to my reading.

“There’s coffee,” I say.

“Huh?”

“I made coffee if you want some.”

He looks up from the newspaper and smiles at me. “Gee, Killjoy, you’re doing more than half the people who actually live here. Want to rent a room?”

“You know I’m seventeen, right?”

“So?”

“So my dad would shit a brick and report me missing?”

He laughs. I can’t help but smile at the notion that I could actually live here, and that he would actually be agreeable to that - that he would suggest it, even. Maybe someday. A guy can dream. I am turning eighteen in August…

The leaves on the trees were still green, mostly, but there was a discernible chill in the air. It was cloudy. I was wearing a black zip-up sweater, jeans, a beanie, and dark green chucks. I was tired because I’d barely slept the night before. Jeff hadn’t been home since Thursday, and had mentioned to Daphne that he might be out of town for the weekend. He hadn’t mentioned anything to me. Hadn’t even bothered to message me.

I kept telling myself, You’re just being paranoid.

But I just couldn’t make that pesky feeling in my stomach go away. You know the one.

Something’s wrong.

I was just leaving McDonald’s. I remember I desperately needed a coffee before my doctor’s appointment that afternoon. I remember the coffee was just a little too strong. I remember they were playing Bohemian Rhapsody, and that it was just a little too quiet.

Mama, just killed a man.

Put a gun against his head,

Pulled my trigger, now he’s dead.

Mama, life had just begun,

But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away.

I used to like that song, once, in a past life, but I haven’t been able to listen to it since that day.

A plate containing two thick pancakes is set in front of me. Moments later, a black coffee and a butter knife and fork join them.

“Enjoy,” says Daphne. “Kyle’s a dick, but he makes the world’s best pancakes.”

Jeff, still humming cheerfully and circling the kitchen island like a vulture looking for prey, comes up behind me, and I feel his hand on my shoulder. It’s a miracle I don’t fall out of my chair. “How ya feeling, kid?”

I want to dig a hole in the backyard, crawl into it, and die. “Been better.”

He chuckles. He's back at the front of the kitchen island now, and sits down facing me. “How’s the hangover on a scale from one to ten? I’m at about a three.”

He's acting like nothing happened. Maybe I should, too, I tell myself. “A good seven.”

I remember being comforted by this, at first, because I was thinking to myself that I couldn’t recall the last time I’d been really, actually happy. But then, as I sat there looking at him, cradling his head in my lap, I realized that wasn’t true. That there were some moments where I’d been genuinely happy. They were always just few and far between, always fleeting, never enough. But I supposed they did exist. That they do exist.

“I think happiness is real, but maybe it’s just not what people think it is. Maybe it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.” I can still hear his drowsy laughter, like a song my brain plays to comfort me. It’s one of my favorites. “Christ, who are you, Oprah?” “No, you know what? I take that back. I know happiness is real. Or at least contentment. You know how I know?” “Hmm?” “Because I’m feeling it right now.”

#snippet #libaw #writing #tag games

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frogsister87 · 1 year

Text

If you have a job, who’s your closest friend at work?

Illa

Do you have any exercise equipment in your home?

Nope lol

Were your parents born in the same country they now live in?

Yeah

How did you celebrate New Year’s last year?

Last year? I rode a bus with a bunch of friends and found out the guy I was seeing slept with someone else, it was awesome.

Have you told anyone you love them today?

How many hours of sleep did you get last night?

Enough

Are you in any physical or emotional pain right now?

Yeah

What’s the time right now?

8:35 pm

Is the sun still up, or is it dark?

It’s dark

Have you seen all The Hunger Games films that have been released so far?

Yes

Is there an automatic fog light in your yard?

I have no idea

When was the last time you used the bathroom?

Just a few minutes ago?

How many living grandparents do you still have?

Are you currently in a relationship?

Nope

Have you ever heard people having sex in the next room?

Not the next room but my neighbors above me

What are your plans for the rest of the day?

Going to sleep

How many times have you been sick this year?

None

Is there a garage or carport attached to your house?

Yeah I have a garage

Were you born somewhere other than a hospital?

Nope.

Have you ever been on a strict diet and exercise regime?

Who did you text today, and what did you talk about?

I don’t know, I texted/snapped quite a few people

What colour is your toothbrush?

Lime green and white

Do you have a favourite author?

Not really. But I do enjoy Sarah dessen, Nicholas sparks, jodi picoult to name a few

Is Christmas a joyful time for you, or just plain stressful?

It’s a little bit of both

How long do you usually take in the shower?

Like 5-10 mins depending on if I shave or not

Have you ever worked in an office?

Who does the grocery shopping in your house?

Me, I live by myself lol

How many times have you been out of state that you can remember?

I wouldn’t even be able to guess. I literally just left the state today actually

Have you ever stayed in a hotel without your parents or older relatives?

Uh yeah lol

Do you prefer margarine or butter, and why?

I don’t really care

What time do you plan to wake up tomorrow?

Like 6:40

What is your favourite way to eat rice?

With chicken

Have you ever been in serious trouble at work or school?

I guess

Do you have any strange fears or phobias that you’re embarrassed of?

Not really anything I’m embarrassed of

Can you smell anything right now?

Would you be scared if you saw 5 missed calls from one of your parents?

Yeah

Have you ever kissed anyone under the mistletoe?

Ew, no

Do you own a pair of gumboots or wellies?

Nope, I’m not sure what that even is

When was the last time you watched a movie?

Tonight

Do you know anyone who struggles with a mental disorder?

Yes

What’s your go-to activity when you’re bored?

Go for a drive, color, watch TikTok

Have you ever been vegan or vegetarian?

Nope

Are you tired right now?

Not really

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cjsinkythoughts · 3 years

Text

In Need of a Breath

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 4007

Warnings: !FATWS SPOILERS!, Cursing, Zemo, Feelings, Another PTSD Flashback

A/N: So…Part 4 is going to have a couple parts to it. Maybe even three. I didn’t even make it half way through the episode on this one, mainly because I really wanted to fit in the Reader’s backstory and I wanted her and Sam to have a heart-to-heart again. I’m suuuuper tired, so I probably won’t be posting the next part for another few hours (it’s 5 am right now and I haven’t slept), BUT it’s my day off work and I won’t be doing anything I planned because my grandmother had a stroke a couple days ago so plans have changed and I’m staying in to help her, meaning I’ll mostly be writing all day.

This Part is kind of a mix between off-screen and shot-by-shots, but it’s mostly off screen/what’s going on inside Reader’s head.

I’m really excited about future parts and the characters that are being introduced! I will say that after these parts, I will be doing one shots of previous MCU movies with the Reader, due to the information that is being given about the Reader now. You kind of see more of how she was affected/how she affected the previous MCU movies and what she was doing during that time.

Like always, this hasn’t been beta’d, again it’s SUPER early in the morning, and I’m really tired, so please excuse any mistakes! I hope you guys enjoy this part! Stay tuned for more to come later today!

FATWS MASTERLIST

cjsinkythoughts MASTERLIST

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT!

“You know…I’m really starting to regret saying yes to this.” You huffed out, craning your neck and squinting your eyes against the sun as you stare at the facility in front of you, hating the skin-crawling feeling of being back.

“Would you relax? Whenever you’re nervous, I get nervous, and I don’t wanna be nervous about this.” Sam shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

“Do either of you have a better plan?” Bucky grumbled, crossing his arms.

Gnawing on your lips, you finally take the lead and breathe out, “alright. Let’s go then.” You could feel the hesitance from your - what were they? Partners? Coworkers? Teammates? - the fellas before they started after you.

There was a sick twist in your gut as you entered the building, going through the lobby and security.

You had been there.

You had been there when Zemo impersonated Bucky. You had been there when Zemo unleashed the Winter Soldier at the Joint Counter Terrorist Centre Building in Berlin. You had been there during the battle at the airport. You had been there when Zemo turned Tony and Steve against each other in Siberia. You had been there when Zemo tore the Avengers from the inside out. Your family. The only family you’d ever known.

But you’d always been good about pushing your personal feelings aside for the sake of the mission. It’s what you’d been born to do. All you ever knew.

“Hey. Doll. You hear me?”

“Hmm. What?” You looked up from the ground to look into those enchanting blue oceans Bucky had for eyes, staring worriedly down at you, eyebrows pinched and forehead creased.

“I’m going in alone.” You frowned, opening your mouth to argue, but he shook his head. “Sam already agreed-”

“I didn’t necessarily agree-”

“You’re an Avenger, sweetheart.” Bucky tilted his head, speaking softly, those eyes of his worried. Worried for you. It made your stomach flip. “And you were there in Siberia, and that almost makes it worse. Especially considering you went after him. Just…just let me do this, okay?”

You cracked your knuckles nervously as you thought. It was a terrible idea. But it was an idea. And it was all they had. “Okay.” You finally relented, shrugging as your hands hit your thighs and slid up to your hips. “But don’t do anything stupid.”

“Steve took all that with him.”

Knowing about their little inside joke, you scoffed. “Sure he did. Go before I change my mind.”

You watched him walk down the hallway, hands fidgeting with excess nerves. “I think you’re the only one he actually seeks approval from.”

“Good thing I’m so lenient then, huh?” You joked, turning to Sam with a strained smile. Your smile slipped at the curious expression on Sam’s face, his eyes darting to each of your features. “What?”

“Are you doing okay?”

You groaned, throwing your head back. You thought you got out of talking about your feelings back in Baltimore. “Oh my God, Sam-”

“I’m serious. You…you just don’t seem like yourself.”

You shook your head, looking down the hall to where Bucky disappeared before turning back to him. It was weird to have a self that people recognized. Your whole life you’d been searching for it and when you finally found it…everything went to shit. “Honestly, Sammy, the only time I’ve ever felt like myself was with the team. Zemo took that away from me and now we’re here, practically begging him for help.”

Sam hummed, leaning against the wall. “Have you thought of taking a break?”

“What?”

“A break.” At your bewildered look, he rolled his eyes. “Cher, this time last year most of us were dead. This time a few months ago you found out about Wanda. This time last week you were out looking for her. Maybe you should just stop and take a breather.”

Shoving your hands in your pocket and looking at the floor, you couldn’t help but snort at his advice. “I haven’t taken a breather since I was eighteen.”

He clicked his tongue. “That’s my point. FBI academy as soon as you graduated. SHIELD recruit by 21, undercover operations leader by 24? Slow down. You’re in your thirties. Next thing you know, you’re gonna be ninety something, lying on your deathbed, wishing you had stopped to smell the roses.”

“If I live to be ninety, shoot me.” He chuckled in amusement. “I’m so fucking serious, Sam. I will not be put in an old folks home to play Bingo and be pushed around in a wheelchair. It ain’t happening.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” There was that infectious smile, which you unconsciously grinned back at. “Y/N…I’m serious. You’ve been in and out of missions since you were a teenager. What’s the shortest undercover operation you’ve done?”

“I dunno.”

He gave you an unimpressed look. “Yeah you do.”

Licking your lips, you turned away and shrugged. “A couple months. Seven weeks and three days, to be precise. September to October in 2012.”

“And the longest?”

“August 2007 to May 2009. Twenty one months.”

Letting out a puff of air through his nose, Sam pushed himself off the wall and caught your chin between his fingers to make you look at him. “That’s nearly two years under cover. And I’m sure you went right back under after-”

“I was sitting at a desk for four months doing paperwork on it.” You defended yourself.

He shook his head, brows knitting together, lips drawn down. “You say that as if four months is enough time.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Sammy. I’m out. I’ve been out since Ultron and Sokovia. I haven’t been under in almost a decade-”

“A decade half the world was dead for half of-”

“I wasn’t!”

“I never said you were.” Sam sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. You were always amazed at his ability to keep his emotions in check. To stay cool under pressure. Sometimes you forgot how experienced he was with dealing with other people’s trauma. It was no wonder why Steve thought he’d be good for Bucky. “Listen. All I’m saying is once this is done…don’t go diving back into searching for Wanda. Don’t go running to the kid every time he calls - and I know you’ve been doing that-”

“It’s just been homework and stuff-”

“Y/N.” You stopped, biting your lip at the stern look he gave you. “Go home. Order take out. Binge watch TV. Go for a jog through the park. Actually meet your neighbors. Go grocery shopping. Just…live. If only for a couple weeks. Don’t worry about anyone else. Don’t pick up the phone, don’t drop everything because someone needs you. You need you.”

“I-I…” You shook your head, looking at him, sincerely apologetic. “I can’t. I wish I could. But I can’t. I’ve never had one normal day in my life. I’ve never had someone to care for, never had someone to care for me. I can’t let people I’ve come to…I can’t let them think I don’t care. I don’t even know where I’d go.”

“Whaddya mean?”

You winced, not thrilled for his reaction to your next statement. “I, uh, I sold my apartment in D.C.”

He gaped at you in complete disbelief. “You got it in December!”

“I know, I know. I liked it. I really did, but…I dunno. Nomadic life has always suited me better. It’s what I grew up with.”

He took a breath, making you cringe again. You don’t think you’ve ever legitimately gotten on his nerves like this before. “Have you ever thought that, instead of going with the flow and jumping place to place, putting down roots might actually help?” He cut you off before you could say anything, holding up a finger to stop you from talking. “I can’t imagine going from foster home to foster home like you did. I can’t imagine not having a home for as long as you can remember. Louisiana’s my home. Always has, always will be. But I understand your life has been anything but stable. And maybe, just maybe, that’s why you need some stability.”

You clenched your jaw, crossing your arms. “The Avengers were my stability. Steve was my stability.”

“Because you loved him.”

“I’m not doing this with you again.” You turned to walk down to the lobby to wait for Bucky there, but Sam caught your arm.

“You were in love with him! It’s okay! You two were super close! No one would blame you! Why won’t you just admit it? I’m trying to understand! Why won’t you-”

You tugged your arm away, finally snapping at him. “Because he could never be mine, Wilson! Is that what you wanna hear?!” Sam took a step back at your exclamation. You closed your eyes, swallowing the lump in your throat and pushing down the tears. “He could preach all he wanted about moving forwards, Sammy, but we all knew he was stuck in the past. He visited the museum every Thursday because her interview showed in his exhibit on Thursdays. He carried around that broken compass because her picture was in it.” You looked back up at him sadly, shrugging. “And I get it; it’s hard to move past your first love. I get it because…that’s what he was to me.”

There was a silence that blanketed the hallway, before he spoke up hesitantly. “What about Bucky?”

“I thought - I thought I was projecting my feelings for Steve onto him because I knew Steve couldn’t ever…”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “You thought? What do you think now?”

You cleared your throat. “I’m still figuring that one out.”

“If you ever need to talk, I’ll be here.”

You chuckled, nodding slightly towards him. “Back atcha. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you not being yourself lately, either.”

“It’s…a tough topic.”

You nodded in understanding. “Just know that I’ll support every decision you make as long as you think it’s the right one. Because I trust you. Steve trusted you. It’s all we can do to try to do what’s right. That’s what makes you a good man, Sammy. He gave you that shield for a reason, and if you think what you did was right…I’ll stand by it.”

The two of you stared at each other for a moment, calming down in each other’s presences and taking comfort knowing you’d be there for each other through thick and thin. “Thank you, cher.”

“Of course, Sammy. Now let’s go see what’s taking the old grump so long.”

He laughed at that, nodding in agreement, taking your offered hand and squeezing it as you made your way down the hall.

****************

“What?”

Bucky eyed you as you spluttered, coughing on the water you were drinking. “Please don’t choke, doll.”

“Break him out of jail?!” You repeated his words and blinked at him, absolutely baffled by his plan. “Oh my God.” You groaned as Bucky and Sam started arguing, moving your flashlight around the room. “Where the hell are we?” There was no response as they kept going back and forth.

“Zemo’s gonna mess with our minds! Especially yours! No offense.”

“Heelllloooo!” You tried again. “Where the hell are we?!”

Bucky turned on the lights, giving Sam a look. “Offense.” Glancing at you he quirked an eyebrow. “Stop worrying your pretty lil’ head, sweetheart. You trust me, dontcha?” Your breath hitched at his words. You quickly recovered, huffing and pouting - although you’d deny ever pouting - and crossing your arms. You stood between the guys like that, eyes darting to whoever was speaking, waiting for them to stop so you could actually think.

“Look. Let me just walk you through a hypothetical. Can I walk you through a hypothetical?”

You and Sam exchanged glances. “What did you do?”

“I…didn’t do…anything.” Bucky shrugged.

“How is it that you, one of the most deadliest assassins basically ever, are one of the worst liars I know.” You tilted your head at him, an eyebrow quirking up in confusion.

“Shush it you. Just, okay. The weakest point in any system isn’t the software, the hardware, it’s the meatware. The human element.”

The more you listened to Bucky’s “hypothetical”, the stronger the gut feeling telling you this was a terrible terrible idea got. You brought your hands up to your head, eyes wide as he spoke.

“I don’t like how casual you’re bein’ about this. This is unnatural.”

You couldn’t help but agree with Sam’s words, your head falling back and your eyes closing. “Sweet Jesus. Listen, God, I know we don’t talk much these days, but please, please don’t let this not be a hypothetical. I’m fucking begging you.”

A noise to your right made your head snap over. “Oh hell to the fucking no!” You shook your head as Zemo himself walked in, wearing a prison guards uniform. “Uh-uh! No way! Bucky, this was not part of the plan!”

“What did you do?!”

“We need him!”

“You’re going back to prison.”

“If I may-”

All three of you faced him, simultaneously shouting, “no!”

You held your face in your hands as your head dropped, shaking back and forth, your eyes squeezing shut, tuning them out for just a minute to think. Bucky had a point. The enemy of my enemy is my friend and all that, and the Avengers were technically disbanded, which was Zemo’s whole objective in the first place, but…God. You were good at compartmentalizing, but not that much. You were willing to put your feelings aside for the mission so Bucky could talk to him. Not for you to work with him. But he had connections, you knew he did, and he had information…

“Doll?” You looked up, Bucky anxiously licking his lips as he met your gaze. “I need you to say something.”

You looked to Sam, who shrugged, gesturing to Zemo. “What do you think?”

What did you think? What did you think?! You thought that it was the worst idea in the history of ideas and you should turn back and find another way! But…you knew this was the fastest, probably most reliable way to get information that you needed.

Dammit, since when were you the deciding factor?

You sucked in a breath, looking over Sam’s shoulder at Zemo, who lifted his hand in greeting. You raised your eyes to the ceiling, pointing your finger accusingly. “This is why we stopped talking.” Gaze dropping to the still waiting fellas, you gnawed on your lip, before hissing out, “ffffine…” Running a hand through your hair, you threw your hands up as you shrugged. “Fine. Okay. Fine.”

“Okay.” Sam nodded, taking charge again.

You couldn’t believe this was happening. Except, that was a lie. You could. You’d seen weirder. You’d experienced the impossible. Lived through the unbelievable. This…this was completely imaginable.

Which is why, with a lot of hesitation and very little confidence in this plan, you followed Zemo through the auto shop you were in until you reached a large room with a ton of different old cars.

Bucky’s hand found yours as Zemo explained what the plan was, rather vaguely, in your opinion, but at least he was explaining. Point for him. Not that it would make up for the level of distrust you held for him, but it was something.

You looked up at him, giving him a puzzling frown. He usually only grabbed your hand in front of other people when he was feeling anxious. Which, yeah, he had a right to be anxious right now, but it wasn’t the right kind. The type of anxiety caused by large crowds and loud noises, ones that startled him and threw him into a defensive mode.

But the look on his face made you squeeze his hand in reassurance. He was pouting, staring at you although he did something wrong - a puppy that tore up a pillow - and all you wanted to do was give him a hug.

“You’re mad at me.” He mumbled as the four of you headed out with Zemo in the lead.

“No I’m not.”

“Yeah you are.

“Bucky, I’m not mad.”

“Listen, if I had a better idea I wouldn’t-”

You brought your linked hands up to your lips, pressing a gentle kiss to his gloved knuckles. “I’m not mad.” You repeated more firmly. “It’s just…a lot for me, right now.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on, Buck, I-I just…” You thought about your and Sam’s earlier conversation and suddenly understood what he meant. “I need to breathe for a second.”

His features twisted into ones of uncertainty, eyes squinting as you stepped outside. “Do you…do you wanna leave?”

You shook your head, tugging his arm to stop him and grabbing the sunglasses on his collar, slipping them over his eyes. “No. I just need some time to think. Hopefully the plane ride to wherever the hell we’re going will give me that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, James. I’m sure.”

He lowered the glasses on his nose to scan you over the frames, before nodding and sliding them back up. “Okay. You ready for this, then?”

“No.” You breathed, turning back to where Zemo and Sam were still walking. “Let’s do this.”

*****************

Climbing onto the private jet, you raised an eyebrow at Sam, who shrugged, giving you a bemused expression. A Baron…huh…who knew? You feel like you should’ve, yet there you were.

You sat besides Bucky, across from Zemo, crossing your legs and leaning back while staring at him through narrowed eyes.

His butler seemed nice, which made you even more suspicious. You obviously didn’t know as much about Zemo as you wanted to. It was a habit you picked up after years of undercover work; once the mission was complete, that was that. There was no looking back on it. No sitting on it. It was over and you moved onto the next one. It was a bad habit in cases like this.

The moment you spotted the notebook over Zemo’s book you knew something was going to happen, yet you still flinched when Bucky lunged at him, grabbing his throat. You leaned back in your seat again, steadying your now racing heartbeat. You decided you were too tense, trying to relax your muscles as Bucky sat back down in his seat.

“I’ve seen that book. It was Steve’s when he came out of the ice. I told him about Trouble Man. He wrote it in that book.” Sam seemed so proud of himself that something he recommended was written in Steve’s little book and it made you smile.

You remembered that; Steve and you were supposed to meet up for coffee after his run, but Fury called him in so you rescheduled it for when he got back. He asked you about Marvin Gaye. For your opinion. You told him to check it out and make his own.

You remembered asking him about that little notebook of his, and he just shrugged you off telling you about his list. He would read items off to you, but he never let you read the book yourself. You never found out why, and you supposed you never would now. The thought made an ache behind your ribs that you’d come to familiarize yourself with appear.

You smiled a little more as Zemo and Sam told Bucky how awesome Marvin Gaye was. “C’mon, baby. Back me up.”

Chuckling, you looked at Bucky. “They’re not wrong. But,” you quickly added before Bucky could whine at you, facing Sam again. “Neither is Buck. I mean, c’mon. You can’t find music like the 40’s anymore. Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, Benny Goodman, Fred Astaire. Ol’ Blue Eyes himself.”

“Thank you.” Bucky grinned at Sam, who rolled his eyes.

“Okay, okay. But, I mean, c’mon! Everybody loves Marvin Gaye.”

“I like Marvin Gaye.”

“Steve adored Marvin Gaye.”

Your face fell as Zemo started talking about Steve and icons and Red Skull, your mind once again slipping away from reality.

“Kids love you.” You giggled as you finally made it out of his exhibit. You’d wanted to show it to him since he moved to D.C., and you’d finally got an opportunity after coming back from being undercover for ten weeks. “You’re their hero, you know.”

“Yeah, well, I’m just trying to do what’s right.”

You nudged him, scoffing at his answer. “You’re too humble. You’re a national icon, you know.”

Steve shrugged, looking around the museum at the planes surrounding them. “I never wanted to be.”

“Why not? Everyone loves you.”

“I’m sure not everyone loves me.” He rolled his eyes. “And…I just wanted to help. To fight. Protect my country and the people I cared about. I-I didn’t ask for…all that.” He waved behind his shoulder where his exhibit was getting smaller with each step they took away. “People were dying. Bullies were winning.”

You shook your head, spinning and walking backwards besides him to face him. “Sure, but you did that. And you became someone people could look up to in the process.”

He narrowed his eyes at you before asking, “why do you do what you do?”

“...because I’m good at it?”

“Honey.” He gave you a look. “Answer the question.”

You hummed in thought. “Because I couldn’t stand by, knowing there would be orphaned kids if I didn’t help any way I could.”

“Alright. Why do you do it in the dark?”

“Whaddya mean?”

He shrugged. “Why don’t you come out and take credit for all the lives you’ve saved?”

“Because that’s not why I do it. I don’t want that attention. I just want to know I’ve helped people. I’ve kept them safe.”

He gave you a soft smile. “I just wanted to beat the bully. I never wanted to be a dancing monkey, too.” You looked at him in a new light then, understanding where he was coming from. “Watch out, honey!” He grabbed you and pulled you aside before you could crash into a wall, arms wrapped firmly around your waist. He gave you that charming smile of his. “Wouldn’t want you hurting that pretty lil’ head of yours, now would we?”

“Y/N!”

You snapped back into the conversation, moving your eyes from the window to Bucky, who tilted his head, eyebrows pinched and eyes narrowed. “Sorry. So, Madripoor. That’s a fun place.”

You ignored the side eyed glances Bucky and Sam exchanged, Sam turning to you curiously. “You’ve been?”

“Once. Back in 2010 for a few months”

Zemo raised his eyebrows. “You’re lucky to have gotten out.”

You shrugged nonchalantly. “Lucky, maybe. Skills were a part of it, too, though.”

“Good.” Zemo nodded. “Because we’re going undercover…and if we blow it. We’re dead.”

You breathed out, shaking your memory away and getting your head back into the game. Because like the man you were severely wary of in front of you said, if you blew this, you were dead. And, sure, you didn’t want to live until ninety, but you weren’t even half way there yet. So dammit if you were going to die soon.

“Hey.” You looked over at Bucky’s murmur, his head tilting as he grabbed your hand and pulled you from your seat closer to him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. Are you okay? You know you’re going to have to be-”

“I know.” He nodded. You watched his Adam’s Apple bob as he swallowed thickly. “I’ll be fine. Just…tell me right now if you need to step out for this one.”

You gave him a smile that you knew he didn’t buy, just by the slight narrowing of his eye, his lips pressing together. “No. No, I’m good for this. If you think I’m gonna let you two idiots go into Madripoor with him - alone - oil that cyborg brain of yours, because there’s no way.”

He squeezed your hand, eyes still filled with uncertainty. “Are you sure?”

“If there’s even a slight possibility that I can protect you, then yeah. I’m sure, Buckaroo.”

2K notes · View notes

sweetyyhippyy · 3 years

Text

Alone at Last. Spencer Reid x Female Reader. Part 2.

(Not my gif)

Summary: A few months after *part 1*. Spencer and his wife take advantage of an empty house while the kids are at school.

TW: Mentions of taking a pregnancy test. Sex with the possibility of getting caught. Oral sex (female receiving). Fingering. Calling Spencer “sir”. Almost getting caught during sex. Mirror sex. Hair pulling. Dirty talk. Praising. Breeding. Creampie.

Word Count: 2.6k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She picked up the white stick from the counter, frowning at the word “NEGATIVE” that was displayed on the screen.

With a heavy sigh she threw the plastic stick away in the trash, washing her hands and going out to start her morning. Her kids still had at least 45 more minutes before they had to get up which was long enough to get their breakfast cooking.

Spencer was away on a case out of state, which meant that getting both of the kids up, fed, and to school was all up to her.

As she went down the stairs she could hear shuffling going on in the kitchen and the smell of fresh brewing coffee. She peeked around the corner hesitant at first, until she recognized the back of her husband’s head.

“You’re home!” She cheers quietly, wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging him from behind.

“I wanted to surprise you and the kids. I got in about an hour ago.” He quickly turns around and takes his wife’s face in his hands, kissing her softly. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” She responds, resting her head against his chest. “I um… took a test this morning.” She starts.

“Yeah?”

She looks up at Spencer and bites her bottom lip, looking displeased.

“Oh honey, I’m sorry.” Spencer says, rubbing her lower back in comfort.

“It’s been months that we’ve been trying. We didn’t have this much trouble getting pregnant with Jason and Valerie.”

“Well, with them we were younger.”

“Are you saying I’m old?” She asks, not being able to contain the laugh that was on her face.

Spencer’s eyes widen, realizing his mistake right away. “No! No! No, I’m just saying that you just turned 33 so it’s going to be harder to get pregnant. We were both in our early 20s when we had Jason.”

She sighs and nods her head. “I know. I just… I want a baby now.”

Spencer kisses her forehead and brings her in for another hug. “We’ll have another, sweetheart. But in the meantime, we get to make the baby and I know you enjoy doing that.” He whispers.

“Spencer Reid, it is 5:30 in the morning are you really trying to do this now?”

“I am.” He backs his wife against the counter and lifts her up, making her sit against the countertop.

“Spencer! We eat and cook on this counter!”

“And I’m about to eat too.”

She can’t help but laugh, covering her face with her hands and Spencer wastes no time with pulling her shorts down her hips and instantly licking a long stripe up her pussy. “Fuck!” She moans quietly, her fingers intertwining his hair. “I-I know you like doing that, and-fuck- I love when you eat me out too.” She gets lost in her train of thought as Spencer flicks his tongue back and forth against her clit, making her whole body go weak. “Oh my god!” She whisper yells. “We don’t have time for this if you’re going to fuck me.”

Spencer gives a few more licks before coming up and meeting her face to face.

“Come here.” She says, kissing his lips harshly.

Spencer took advantage of the fact his wife’s legs were open, taking his fingers and slicking his fingers up and down her folds, touching the wetness and slipping his fingers in.

“Spencer!” She whines, her head falling back.

Spencer kisses her neck, lightly nipping at the skin, making her yelp a little too loudly.

She covers her mouth with her hand, stifling a laugh.

“Shhh, so loud.” Spencer teases, a smile on his face.

“We have maybe 20 more minutes before the kids need to be up. We need to hurry this along.”

“Oh, so romantic baby.” Spencer says with sarcasm laced in his voice.

She hops off the counter and turns her back to him, bending over the counter. “I’m all about the romance.” She smirks, letting her shorts fall down around her ankles.

Spencer quickly fishes his cock from the zipper, stroking himself a few times before guiding himself in, a throaty groan coming from him. “Fuck baby, so wet.”

“You know you can just look at me and I get wet.” She whispers, clinging onto a clean dishrag on the counter.

Spencer kept a nice steady pace as he gripped both sides of her hips, railing into her. “You take me so well, baby.”

His wife hums in response, letting out a string of broken sobs, careful not to moan too loudly. “Baby, harder and please! I need more.”

Spencer gives her ass one harsh slap, making her yelp again. “You think you can take my cock going harder into you?” He asks, grabbing the ponytail that was going down her back and yanks it back.

“Yes sir! Yes I can take it!”

Spencer fucks into her harder, holding both of her shoulders for balance. “Sir? That’s the route you wanna go, darling?”

Just as she’s about to answer they hear a door open from upstairs followed by footsteps.

“Shit! No!” She cusses as Spencer reluctantly pulls out and helps his wife pick her shorts up and fixes them for her.

Spencer turns around to situate himself, trying to hide the evidence of what they were just doing.

She grabs the disinfectant spray and a paper towel, wiping the counter off as their son makes his way down the stairs. “Hi sweetheart.” She calls out to him.

He continues to rub the sleep out of his eyes until he sees his dad. “Dad! You’re home!” He runs to him, Spencer embracing him for a hug.

“Hey buddy.” Spencer says, holding his first born.

“Is your sister awake?” She asks Jason.

“I don’t know. I had to wake up because I heard sounds and didn’t know what it was. And then I had to go to the bathroom.”

Spencer and his wife make eye contact, his wife trying to hide the smile on her face.

“I’m going to go upstairs and wake her.”

“I’ll start on some eggs and pancakes for you guys, what do you think bud?”

She watches as Jason looks up at Spencer and nods his head, hearing him ask if he could help which made her heart feel full.

As she climbs upstairs she can feel the dull aching between her legs, something the both of them were going to have to take care of once the kids were at school.

***

“But mommy, daddy’s home! Why can’t we stay home?” Valerie asks from the back seat.

“Because you guys have to go to school. Daddy will be home when school is done.”

“But we missed him!”

“Honey, I know. I missed him too, but you guys have school, and I have work so I can’t hang out with daddy either.”

A slight lie. She did have work, but the kids didn’t need to know she took a “sick” day.

She looks back in the rear view mirror, both of her kids with a matching pout on their faces, ones that also matched Spencer’s pout. “Listen, if we go to school today, and you guys have a good day, maybe I’ll bust you guys out early on Friday and we can all go somewhere fun for the weekend. Does that sound like a plan?”

“Where are we going to go?” Jason asks.

“I don’t know, we can all talk about it as a family if you guys have a good day at school today. Can we do that?”

“Okay mommy!” Valerie says loudly, a smile on her face.

“Okay.” Jason says with not as much enthusiasm as his sister.

She pulls up to the parent drop off line at school, hearing both of the kids undoing their seat belts and gathering their stuff up. “Have a good day babies, I love you.”

Both kids give her a kiss on the cheek before scooting out the car door and walking hand and hand with each other to the school.

***

She makes her way up to their bedroom, ready to pick up where she and Spencer left off this morning, only to find him fast asleep under the sheets, soft little snores filling the room. She can’t help but smile at how adorable he looked hugging one of her pillows into his chest. Slowly she closes the door and goes back downstairs to clean the mess from breakfast and start some of Spencer’s laundry from his go bag.

After a few hours of cleaning up the kitchen and catching up on some laundry, she was beyond ready for a shower. She heads upstairs, quietly gathering new clothes while Spencer slept.

When she steps out of the shower she spots Spencer leaning against the sink, making her slightly jump. “You scared me.” She says, grabbing the towel and drying herself off.

“Come here.” He says, motioning her over with his hands.

She cocks her eyebrow at him and walks over to him, the towel pressed against the bottom of her face as she tries to dry it off.

“I need you.” He says, pressing her against himself.

“Yeah? Are we going to pick up where we left off this morning?” She asks, wrapping both of her arms around his neck and pulling him closer.

His body buzzed at the feeling of how wet and warm her body was against his. “Do you remember where we left off?”

“You’re the one with an eidetic memory. Why don’t you tell me? Or better yet, show me where we were… sir.” She smirks.

Spencer turns her around, her back facing him while facing the mirror. “You want me to show you, baby?” He whispers in her ear, his fingers dipping in between her legs.

“Fuck!” She moans, gripping his forearm.

“Look at that, just out of the shower and you’re already wet for me.” He growls, nipping at her neck. His fingers quickly rub at her clit, feeling how hard he was getting as he heard her moaning and felt her ass pressed against his crotch.

“Spencer, fuck me please. Please baby, please.” She was desperate to feel him inside her again after this morning.

“Yeah, baby.” He groans, taking his sweatpants off to his ankles and sliding himself in painfully slow.

Both of them moan as he doesn’t miss a beat with thrusting into her in a good steady rhythm.

“Fuck that’s so good sir.” She says, looking back at him in the mirror.

Spencer takes a fistful of her hair and holds her head up, forcing her to look back at herself. “Look at you. You like looking at me fuck you? You like that, baby?” He grunts out, giving her ass a smack.

“Yes! Yes I love it! I fucking love it!” She moans back, holding the counter of the sink so she didn’t fall over. She loved watching Spencer look at her through the mirror and seeing how his mouth fell open while he railed into her, hunger in his eyes.

Spencer pulls back, turning his wife around and taking her face in his hands and kissing her harshly.

She wraps her arms around his neck while he lifts her up to sit on the counter, pulling back from the kiss. She opens her legs and smiles as Spencer slides back in and instantly begins snapping his hips back and forth. Her own hips meet his thrusts, making her whimper as her bottoms her out. “Keep going sir!”

“Yeah baby. You’re doing such a good job taking my fucking cock baby. Such a good girl.” He says into her mouth, kissing her again. “Come here.” Spencer pulls her off the counter and brings her over to the edge of the tub, sitting on it.

She climbs onto his lap, sliding onto his cock with a pathetic whimper. She rests her forehead on his as she begins to grind herself against him, biting her lip.

Spencer grabs onto her ass and helps her fuck herself on him. He stares into her eyes, seeing her slowly fall apart on top of him. He pulls her damp hair back from her face, holding it at the back of her head. “That’s my girl. Yeah, you like fucking me don’t you?

“Yes!” She breathes out heavily. “Yes I fucking love it! Fuck you’re so deep in me sir.”

“That way I can cum deep inside you and put a baby in you. You want my baby inside you?”

“Yes I want you to give me a baby!” She almost yells, her voice echoing through the room.

Spencer kisses her lips, letting her hair go and letting it flow down her back. “You’re going to cum, aren’t you little one? You’re going to cum for me?”

She nods her head and bites her bottom lip again.

“Up. Let me fuck you.”

She stands up and sits back on the counter, massaging her clit as Spencer slides back into her.

His fingers replace hers and continues the circles. “Does that feel good? Do you like that?” He asks.

“Mmhmm! Don’t stop, please!”

“I’m not going to stop, sweetheart. I love seeing you fall apart all because I’m touching you.” He whispers, thrusting and massaging her.

She puts her hand on the back of Spencer’s neck and pulls his head closer to hers, kissing him deeply as her body begins to tingle.

It doesn’t take much more for her to fall apart against his cock and fingers, moans getting trapped between their lips.

Spencer pulls back, letting her moans fill the room while he still massages her. “I know baby, I know that felt so good.”

Between her clenching around his cock and hearing her desperate and broken moans, Spencer could feel himself start to lose his composure. He swipes his thumb across her bottom lip as he touches her face lovingly. His hands didn’t leave his wife’s boobs as they bounced in his line of sight. “I’m going to cum, sweetheart.” He groans, sitting his eyes tight.

“Yeah baby. Cum inside me! Fill me up and make me feel good.” She coos.

He manages 2 more thrusts before shooting ropes inside his wife before stalling his movements. Deep throaty moans and grunts coming from him as he calms down.

She holds his body against hers, kissing his shoulder. “That was so good.” She half laughs.

Spencer pulls out slowly, kissing her lips as he does. “Come lay with me in bed.” Spencer says, helping her off the counter and taking her to their bed.

She cuddles into his side, nuzzling her head into his neck. “I love you Spence.”

“I love you too baby.” He responds, kissing her head. “Are you okay?”

“Mmhmm. Perfect.”

“Not too rough?”

She laughs and kisses his cheek. “Baby no. Just because we have kids doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy rough sex. Do you remember how we used to go at it before we had kids? It’s amazing how we didn’t have kids sooner.”

Spencer laughs. “Yeah we would probably have a whole sports team worth of kids at this point.”

“Can we take a nap?” She asks.

“Of course. And I’ll pick the kids up from school so that you don’t have to get out of bed.”

She grabs the bed sheets and covers both of them up, nuzzling closer to him. “I have such a good husband and father of my kids.”

Spencer puts his arm around her and rubs her shoulder until he hears her softly snoring next to him.

9 months later, Spencer would have two new babies to take care of alongside his wife: identical twin baby girls. Their house now up to 6.

#Spencer Reid #spencer reid smut fic #spencer reid fan fic #spencer reid fan fiction #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fluff #Matthew Gray Gubler #matthew gray gubler smut #matthew gray gubler fluff #my work

362 notes · View notes

mypoisonedvine · 3 years

Text

Seeing Red | bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x actress!reader (part 9 - FINALE)

(part 1) (part 2) (part 3) (part 4) (part 5) (part 6) (part 7) (part 8)

series summary: bucky used to brag that he didn’t have a celebrity crush, or really care about famous people at all, which is what made him the perfect person to start working for a celebrity like yourself. except, of course, it’s just his luck that he’d fall for you.

word count: 7.2k

warnings: smut (oral f receiving), semi-public sex (in a parked car) angst, arguments, implied smut, sappiness, time skips, some alcohol consumption here and there, lots of talking about issues including bucky's ptsd, I really have no idea how to warn for this but IT’S THE END SO STRAP IN FOLKS

Since that night, it had been like a stand-off in a Western movie, none of you saying anything because you had no idea what to say. Whenever he tried to start the conversation, you brushed him off.

You took a cab home from the event. He slept in his own room for the first time in months.

Finally, suddenly, you were ready to talk about it nearly 30 hours later, knocking on the guest room door and entering to find Bucky on his bed, re-reading Flowers for Algernon. He sat up quickly and shut it, setting it aside. “Hey,” he greeted softly, hesitant like you were a deer in a clearing and he was extending a handful of grain in his palm.

“Hey,” you returned, already fighting back your emotions. “I think I’m ready to talk.”

“Okay,” he nodded. “I’m ready to listen.”

“I just… I want to make sure that you understand this is a really big deal.”

He nodded again.

“I had to do a lot of damage control to prevent being banned from all HFPA events— that includes the Golden Globes, you know, I can’t exactly skip those just because my boyfriend went fucking nuts at a party.” And there was the anger again— you had tried to wait until you could be neutral about this but it barely lasted, mainly because you were still embarrassed about the way you’d handled yourself that night. “You’re lucky not many people saw; you’re lucky no reporters were there! Can you imagine if someone had a fucking picture of this? There were cameras everywhere, what the fuck were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t thinking!” he defended. “I saw you with him and he was touching you and I just… I saw red.”

You sighed slowly. “That’s not a good thing. That’s really, really concerning.”

“I know, I agree— you’re right. I need…” he trailed off, taking a breath before starting over. “I need to work on that.”

“Yeah,” you agreed. “I just… I can’t really be a part of that. You need to work on that on your own.”

He stood up instantly, almost looking… afraid? Terrified, really, and heartbroken. “On my own, like what? What does that mean?”

“It means that I think maybe you should go back to your own apartment for a while. I just… need to be alone for a bit.”

“You need to be alone?” he repeated. “Or you need to be away from me?’

“Both.”

His head fell into his hands instantly. "Please don't tell me I fucked this up," he whimpered. "Please don't tell me I ruined this."

"I— I don't know."

"Please, please, please," he sighed, just louder than a whisper, suddenly stepping forward, grabbing your hand and clutching it to his chest. "Look at me," he begged.

You did, hesitantly, fighting everything in you that wanted to cry (and not doing so good of a job at it).

"Please, I lo—"

"Don't," you grimaced. "Don't say that."

"But it's true."

"It doesn't matter!" you yelped, surprising both of you with your volume.

“Are we going to have a chance to talk about this again? Am I going to get a chance to make it up to you?”

“You don’t make it up to me, you fix it. And that takes time.”

He shook his head, looking shocked and confused and completely blindsided which made you feel sick to your stomach. “How long?”

“I don’t know…” you mumbled.

“Am I not going to see you at all, for however long it takes?” he pressed.

“I… that’s sort of the idea.”

He shivered and pulled you into a hug. “Please don’t hate me forever,” he whispered against the top of your head.

“I don’t hate you,” you promised, doing your best not to hug him back even though all you wanted was to wrap yourself around him and feel safe in his arms again.

“Then don’t make me go,” he pleaded as he pulled back, clutching your face. “Let me stay and we can work through this together.”

“That’s not how this works,” you reminded him

“But I don’t know how to be without you,” he explained shakily.

“That’s not really my problem!” you yelped, and he turned away like he’d been slapped, dropping his hands from your face. A long, heavy silence fell between you as you watched him stand there, contemplating.

“If this is my last chance,” he finally spoke softly, barely breaking the silence, “to say everything I want to say…”

“It’s not,” you assured. “We’re going to talk about this again, but you need to go now.”

He nodded, his adam’s apple bobbing with a swallow of nothing. When he looked at you again, you hated how much bluer his eyes looked when they were bloodshot and filled with tears. “Can I kiss you?”

You shook your head. He bit his lip and turned to walk away; you stared at your feet because you couldn’t watch him go.

You heard him grab his backpack, shoving a few things from the drawers into it; he set his key on the table, walked into the open hall, and as soon as you heard the front door open and shut you were plunged into solitude and silence. With a whimper, you crumpled to the floor and cried, the look of betrayal on his face burned into your mind.

It was obvious, to your horror, that he really hadn’t seen it coming; he hadn’t packed his things, or prepared in any way for the conversation going like that. He had been waiting for an olive branch and got a switch to the face instead. You didn’t know anything about working on relationships, repairing broken things… when something went wrong, all you knew how to do was bail.

You knew how to do a new take and say the line right this time. You knew how to take off your eyeliner and start over. You knew how to kick unsuspecting C-listers out of cars because you already got yours. But you didn’t know how to stay, and work, and frankly you were just too scared to try. Last time you tried to make it work, you got burned. And as much as a logical part of you knew that wasn’t Bucky’s fault or responsibility, your heart just couldn’t survive another relationship where you put everything into putting the pieces back together while the other person stood there and watched you just to pull them apart again.

It had to end at some point, right? It was you, it was him… and that’s just how these things go.

He knew it was too good to be true. He knew you were too good for him. Anybody with at least one eyeball and half a brain could see that. But still, he hadn’t been ready to let you go.

Being in his apartment felt like stopping in a ghost town; there might as well have been a tumbleweed rolling through the living room. It was beyond a bachelor pad: it was more like an unfinished work site, considering his ‘couch’ was cinderblocks and a few two-by-fours, and his bed was a mattress on the floor.

One toothbrush. No books. A half-empty shampoo bottle in the shower and some hard water stains he needed to scrub away at some point.

This place didn’t feel like a home, it barely felt like a livable space. It was a three-dimensional homage to how empty his life had been before you, and he realized that was only his own fault.

Then again, this was all his fault.

But still, he had let himself obsess over you, turn you into his whole world and it made him into somebody he didn’t want to be. He had been working so hard to keep you happy, inspired more than anything by his fear to lose you, that he’d forgotten to give you space and now here he was… giving you so much more space than he ever wanted to, or knew how to deal with.

But he wanted to use this, if he could. As much as it was tempting to binge on junk food, drink too much and watch porn for an hour, as much as he wanted to run away from everything he was feeling, he owed it to you and to himself to face it all and learn from it. He wanted to be the man you deserved, if that was even humanly possible; he wanted to be who you used to think he was.

The next week went by in a blur: a blur filled with shitty romcoms, Ben & Jerry’s straight from the carton, and phone calls ignored.

It would all be fine with time, you knew that, but god, it fucking hurt now. It made you want to call him and at least apologize for having sex with him when you knew he wouldn’t have wanted to if he knew you were upset. More time and distance from the situation made you appreciate that it was manipulative, even if it by no means justified the way he grabbed you, or shoving anybody in the first place.

Truth was, you were scared of Bucky long before that happened. You were scared of how strong your feelings were for him; and, in turn, you were scared of how strong his feelings were for you. You felt loved by him, and you didn’t know what to do with that. So you self-destructed.

Just in time to tear you out of your spiralling thoughts, the intercom buzzed from the front gate. You furrowed your brow, wondering who it could be, and got up to check the camera feed.

You couldn’t see the face of the driver, just his arm, but you’d recognize that Rolex on his wrist anywhere.

“What do you want?” you asked coldly, holding down the intercom talk button.

"Let me in," Sam instructed.

"And why should I?"

"Cause if you don't, I'll press charges against your boyfriend."

BEEP BEEP BEEP! the gate announced its opening.

You took the time while he parked his car and walked to the door to throw out the wrappers from all your questionable “meals” (i.e., candy and ramen), change into slightly nicer sweats and splash your face so you looked slightly less dead. Just as you came downstairs from your rushed primping, Sam knocked on the door and you turned off the TV, tossing the remote aside. “It’s open!” you called out.

He turned the knob and stepped in with just one foot, peering around.

“Is the Terminator home?” he asked coyly. “Cause I actually think I’ve been assaulted enough for one week.”

“No, he’s gone. And don’t call him that.”

“What?” he shrugged, finally coming all the way in and letting the door swing shut on its own, taking his shades off and sliding them into the collar of his v-neck shirt. “It’s a compliment, and you really invite the killer robot comparisons when you’re part robot, look like a killer, and act like a thug.”

“He’s sensitive about the arm, okay? It’s one of the reasons he… it’s part of why we waited so long to go public.”

Sam glanced down to beside the door, where three pairs of your shoes were haphazardly lined up while his boots were noticeably absent. “And the fact that he’s moved out? When’s that gonna go public?” He always had an eye for these things, the bastard.

“I… I don’t know,” you sighed. “What do you want, exactly? Because honestly, I really can’t handle you right now.”

“I’m just trying to be a friend,” he explained, stepping closer again as you leaned against the breakfast bar.

“You seemed a lot more than friendly on Saturday,” you reminded him. “God, Sam, why did you have to do that?”

“So it’s my fault, then?” he rolled his eyes.

“No, of course not,” you assured, “but you knew I wasn’t single. I was actually happy… did you even want me back? Or did you just want to fuck with my life?”

“I did want you back, really.” He paused for a moment, more serious than he almost ever got. “I still do.”

You scoffed, looking away. “What happened to just being a friend?”

“That’s not why I’m here, this time. I’m just here to tell you that I’m worried about you.”

You took your weight off the bar and circled it into the kitchen, Sam mirroring you by following around the other side. “Do you want something to drink?” you asked, opening the fridge. He opened his mouth to answer but then leaned in as he stared at your hand where it was right in front of his face gripping the refrigerator’s door handle.

"He did that to you?" Sam pointed to the bruise on your wrist. You let go of the fridge and pulled your sleeve down to cover it again but that was answer enough. "Jesus, babe, this guy's fucking crazy."

"He's not crazy, and don't call me that," you frowned. "I don't think he meant to, really— his prosthetic is powerful and it was in need of a recalibration. He shouldn’t have grabbed me, but, he probably didn’t mean to do it so hard.”

Sam didn’t seem too convinced by that explanation, but didn’t say anything.

“Believe it or don’t, Sam, but either way it’s none of your business,” you frowned.

“Right, I know,” he nodded. “I just want what’s best for you.”

“And that’s you?” you pressed with an incredulous raised brow, opening the fridge again to grab yourself a green juice (because you were, again, trying to look like you had your shit together) and starting to walk away.

“I’ve changed, believe it or not,” he explained as he followed you out of the kitchen again. “Occasionally, people are capable of that.”

“If that’s true, then I owe it to Bucky to wait for him like I said I would,” you shot back. “I told him to leave so we could work on things separately. Not so I could entertain your come-to-Jesus moment.”

“It’s not a ‘come-to-Jesus’ moment, it’s just a ‘give me another chance’ moment,” he corrected as you took a long sip of the juice, “it’s a ‘maybe we ended things too soon’ moment.”

You looked at him in silent judgment as you kept drinking, and the way he was looking at you made you glad the glass bottle was keeping your lips occupied.

“It’s an ‘I’m still in love with you’ moment.”

Before you could stop yourself, you spit the juice right onto him, covering your mouth in shock just a moment too late.

For one of those indefinite moments, you were just staring at each other while you both contemplated that you had said he loved you and you had spat juice onto him.

“Okay, I was prepared to get shot down,” he admitted. “This is… worse.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” you rushed, trying not to laugh, “I… I’ll get some paper towels, I can get you a new shirt, but it’ll have to be one of the ones Bucky left behind…”

“Oh god, it’s sticky,” he grimaced, as he tried to peel his shirt from his skin, “can I just use your shower maybe?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” you nodded, “upstairs and down—”

“I remember where it is,” he reminded you as he stepped past you to make his way to the bathroom. “I knew I should’ve waited to say it until she was done drinking…” you heard him mumble to himself before he disappeared and you heard the bathroom door shut.

But truthfully, it wasn’t really the fact that he said it, or the concept of Sam loving you at all that made you spit out your drink. It was that when he said it, you realized you were in love with Bucky. Which, yes, would’ve been obvious to anyone else but it came as quite a shock to you.

It made you realize that you wanted to make this work. You wanted to be vulnerable, you wanted to try, even if it ended just as badly as it nearly had last week; even if it meant dealing with all the shit that you’d pushed down for so long.

You wanted to have another chance, this time knowing how hard it would be to be without him.

Just as you pondered what to do with that realization, a knock at the door startled you. Who could have made it to the door without buzzing the intercom?

Somebody who has the gate code already, you realized, and your heart sank. You weren’t ready to see him again— specifically, you weren’t ready to be seen by him again. Sure, cleaning up the trash and splashing your face was enough for a guest like Sam, but you had been imagining that when you saw Bucky again you’d be all dolled up looking like you were doing better than ever, like you were thriving without him just to rub it in that you were the best he ever had.

Couldn’t he have just waited a few hours after your realization so you could go to him on your own terms, with your whole speech prepared and everything? As an actress, you were much more comfortable reading lines than improvising.

Another knock made you sigh and set down the half-empty bottle of green juice, running up to the door to answer it.

“Hi,” he greeted soberly when you opened the door.

“Hey,” you nodded back, “listen, now’s not a great time…”

“Listen, I’m not here to cause any problems, or ask you for anything, I just need some of my stuff back,” he explained.

“Okay, it would’ve been better if you had come at another time—”

“I know, I’m not trying to invade your space,” he sighed. “I shouldn’t have used the gate code, I didn’t mean to surprise you, honestly it was just second nature but I realize now I should’ve called first— well, I don’t think you’re taking my calls right now—”

“Bucky, please, we can talk later,” you assured, trying to shut the door.

“Can we?” he sighed. “I mean, will we?”

“Yes, but I’m busy right now,” you explained.

“When?” he asked, voice full of hope. “Soon?”

“I— I don’t know, sure,” you shrugged.

“You’re just saying that to get me to leave,” he realized flatly. “I understand, I don’t blame you— god, I just hate how scared you are of me. I’m everything I never wanted to be. I just wanted to keep you safe and now I can’t even do that, now you think of me as a threat. You should have the gate code changed, if it’ll make you sleep better—”

“I sleep fine, just go and we’ll deal with all of this soon— really, I promise!”

“You promised before and this week without you has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do!” he returned, getting more emotional as he gestured with his hands. “I’m not saying this should all go away in a week, there’s so much more I have to do, but… but not being able to see you at all is killing me. And it’s not like I don’t see you, your movies are on every fucking channel, but you know, I don’t get to really see you, talk to you— that’s what I miss, I miss when we would talk for hours.”

“I miss that too,” you agreed, “it’s all going to happen, it’s just that I need you to go right now—”

And of course, Sam picked just the right time to come running down your staircase with only a towel around his waist.

Bucky tensed up as he saw Sam, jaw tightening. "Oh."

You had no idea what would happen. Was Bucky going to attack him again? Would Sam try to hit Bucky? Were you going to drop dead from sheer embarrassment?

Instead, Bucky just sighed a little and looked to the ground, almost laughing though he seemed anything but amused. “You’ve got a funny idea of what ‘being alone’ means,” he sneered.

“Sam was just—” you began to defend.

"No, it’s okay, I see how it is," Bucky informed you quietly, coldly. He didn’t even seem angry anymore, just defeated. "I'll leave. I'm sorry that I… I'm sorry."

And he turned to leave, you reached out and grabbed his arm. "Wait, it's not—"

He shrugged your hand away as he kept walking, forcing you to chase him.

"Don't leave, please— Bucky, I love you too."

He stopped, but didn't turn around yet; you just stood behind him, staring at his back as it rose and fell with a slow breath. When he looked back at you, his eyes were red, brimming with tears and heartbreak. "Don't say things you don't mean."

"I mean it," you promised.

“And what does that mean for us?”

“I… I don’t know,” you admitted.

“I don’t think I’m ready to come back yet. As much as I miss living with you— and as much as my apartment is so gross—”

You giggled a little, glad you could laugh with him again even if just for a second.

“I need more time. I’m not going to subject you to me until I know I can be… stable, again.”

“Okay,” you smiled. “Whatever you need.”

“But maybe we could… go out sometime? Somewhere where there aren’t paparazzi, ideally?”

“Uh, Vermont?” you offered jokingly. “I’ll find somewhere, though. We’ll talk this all out.”

He nodded slowly, swallowing a little. “Okay.”

With obvious hesitance, he leaned in slightly and gave you a kiss on the forehead. You wanted more than anything to get up on your tiptoes and kiss his lips, but it was probably too soon. He smiled down at you slightly before he turned to walk away, and you did the same as you made it back into the house.

“Hey, listen,” you began as you found Sam still waiting in a towel looking completely lost.

“That doesn’t sound like the beginning of good news,” he sighed.

“I’m so glad you were honest with me and I’m still really sorry for spitting on you, and for Bucky shoving you, and for everything awful that went down between us. And some part of me is always gonna love you, but—”

“I know,” he nodded, clearly disappointed but resigned in a peaceful way. “It’s okay. I had my chance, I blew it, and if this Bucky guy has his then I just hope he isn’t taking it for granted.”

You smiled a little. “He’s not.”

“Then I’ll get dressed and go. Please direct me to his favorite shirt, so that I may steal it,” he requested formally, making you laugh, but you weren’t ready to let it go just yet; instead, you stepped forward and pulled him into a hug.

“You’re a good friend, Sam,” you mumbled against his bare chest.

“Yeah, kinda wish I wasn’t though,” he sighed as he hugged you back.

“Kinda wish I’d made you get dressed before hugging you,” you admitted, the awkwardness of his nudity finally catching up with you.

“Yeah…” he agreed in a whispered sigh.

His palms were actually sweaty; well, at least one of them was. He hadn’t been this worked up about a date since high school.

But there was so much more riding on that now than there was then. If he blew this, you probably would dump him for good, and he’d become ‘that guy Y/N Y/L/N dated for a minute’ to the rest of the world.

And there was so much more to him than that— he was learning to really let that shine after three weeks of therapy on Mondays and Thursdays— and so much more to his relationship with you, but it would still be pretty humiliating. More importantly, he would be heartbroken if he never got a chance to hold you again, kiss you again, tell you he loved you not during a fight…

His eyes glanced to the door instinctively when someone stepped in, but it still wasn’t you. He checked his watch and closed his eyes: it was still a few minutes early, you probably wouldn’t be here until 6:30, since that was when you’d agreed to meet when you discussed all this over text. But the length of time between 6:27 and 6:30 just seemed to keep getting longer and longer.

When you finally walked in, it was like one of those movie moments where everything slowed down, the ambient noise and background music faded away, and all he could see was you. If this was it, at least he got to see you like this one last time.

He waved you over, watching you walk closer and feeling his heart race as you pulled him into a hug.

“I missed you,” he blurted out right away.

“Missed you too,” you mumbled back, pulling from the embrace as he moved to pull out your chair for you.

“So,” he began as he sat down, “do you… want me to go first? Or do you want to go first?”

“I love you,” you said instantly, and he couldn’t fight a wide smile.

“I love you too,” he whispered back.

“Now that that’s out of the way,” you grinned, “I think you should go first.”

“Well, now that you say that suddenly I forget everything I’ve been practicing in the mirror all day,” he chuckled. “I already told you I’ve been in therapy, and they finally got me on stuff for my PTSD… it feels weird to say it, to talk about it like I really have it… but I do, and I’m working on not being ashamed of that. What I am ashamed of is the way I treated you that day, how I let my anger get the best of me and how I hurt you when you’re the most important person in my life. You didn’t deserve that. And if I haven’t said it enough, I’m truly sorry.”

“I know,” you nodded, “thank you. I’m glad you’re getting help… I don’t want to see you like that for your own sake, too.”

“Just because you don’t hate me doesn’t mean you have to forgive me. And just because you forgive me doesn’t mean you have to take me back,” he reminded you softly.

“But I do forgive you, and I do want you back,” you promised. “And I want to apologize, too, for the things I did wrong… obviously it’s basically impossible for me to hurt you physically, you’re so much stronger than I am, but I hurt you with how I handled some things and I regret that.”

“It did hurt, but I still reacted poorly at basically every turn. I shouldn’t have gotten jealous of Sam in the first place, if you and him have something going on then that’s none of my business—”

“Of course it’s your business, Bucky, you’re my boyfriend!” you laughed. “You don’t need to be jumping for joy when I talk to my ex, you just need to not be that aggressive about it.”

“Am I your boyfriend?” he asked sheepishly. “Is he your ex?”

"When you came over the other day, and he was there… nothing happened, really. He came over, I told him I didn't want to be anything more than friends, he asked to use my shower… I don't know how to prove it to you—"

"You don't have to," he shook his head. "If you say nothing happened, then nothing happened."

“I mean, we hugged,” you remembered. “And he took your Fleetwood Mac shirt.”

“He what?” Bucky yelped, but then calmed himself down immediately. “Whatever, it’s fine, the point is that I have a lot of shit I still need to work on. Because the truth is, you’re not mine—”

“No, I—”

“Really, you’re not. You’re your own person. That’s what made me fall in love with you in the first place, I love that you’re independent and strong and… maybe a little crazy, but you’re exactly who you need to be. You don’t belong to me.”

“I don’t mind belonging to you as long as it’s fair, Bucky; as long as we belong to each other.”

“Sweetheart, you always had me,” he laughed. “From day one.”

“Then let’s figure your shit out. Believe it or not, I’ve got shit too… commitment issues, abandonment issues, daddy issues—”

“Ooh, I have that one too!” he beamed, making you laugh. “You know, when I was talking to my therapist, she had me do this thing where I talked about my hopes and stuff and, I don’t know, maybe it’s dumb but I wanted us to do that. I want to know what you’re hoping for for this.”

“Okay,” you nodded, “well, I’m hoping that you’ll move back in soon but not right away, maybe in a few months? I want us to get better at being apart, it’ll come in handy when I have to go to far off places for filming and stuff.”

“Totally with you,” he agreed, “might have to start buying some real furniture for my place though.”

“What about you?” you prompted.

“I’m hoping that you still think I'm cute enough to put up with some of my crap," he smirked, "if not all of it."

"Definitely," you grinned.

“I’m hoping that in the future, if you’re upset, you’ll tell me and we can work it out, and then have make-up sex," he added.

“Deal,” you chuckled.

“And, if I’m being honest,” he continued, leaning in closer and lowering his voice, “I’m hoping that I can take you home tonight.”

It was so simple, but it made a shiver run down your spine. This distance had caused more than just your heart to grow fonder, and you were craving his touch more than ever. “Where’s home?” you asked coyly.

“It’s wherever you wanna go,” he purred. “Your place, my place, the back of your car—”

“That one,” you nodded eagerly, “definitely that one.”

You wanted to go right then and there but he made you sit through the whole dinner, with all the trappings of wining and dining, though for you it sometimes felt more like whining and dying because you needed him so bad you couldn't think. But he stayed patient, keeping up the conversation, asking more about a new project you were tentatively linked with, telling you more about the newest improvements to his prosthetic.

He picked up the check, which was absurd to you but he insisted, and escorted you to your car as if his intentions were just gentlemanliness even though you knew it was far worse than that.

He (gently) pinned you up against the side of the car, kissing you slowly, making you melt like it was no effort for him at all. As his lips made their way to your ear, he whispered to you darkly, "get in the back and spread your legs for me."

You were sure you'd never obeyed an instruction so fast, hopping in and happily watching him climb in behind you. He instantly knelt down between your spread legs, holding you by your thighs as he pushed your dress up, and you were already lifting your hips up to let him pull your panties down to your ankles.

"So eager," he whispered happily, kissing his way up one of your legs and never breaking his gaze away from yours. Your mouth fell slack as you watched him get higher and higher, closer to where you were already dripping with need. "Been wanting to do this since that night, however many months ago, where I had to watch somebody else do this to you," he admitted with a grin that nipped at your inner thighs. "I know I've tasted you a thousand times since then, but I wanted to do it here."

There was a lot you could say to that, but it was all lost to a gasp as he licked one long, thin stripe right across your entrance and over your clit. Already you were shaking and grabbing his hair— he'd grown it out just enough that you could really dig your fingers into it, but even so he kept his teasing pace.

He kept going, that slow and torturous cycle where just as your clit got some much-needed attention, he started back over at your leaking opening again.

"The fuck are you doing down there, trying to figure how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop?" you finally groaned, making him chuckle at how demanding you'd become.

"I'm just making sure I do this right," he dismissed. "Want more, baby?"

"Please," you shuddered. "Need your tongue inside me."

He grinned and put you out of your misery, really latching his lips onto you now as he pushed his tongue inside and curled it against your g-spot. It was enough to make your back arch dramatically and your fingers clench on his hair, a little growl echoing out of his mouth and into your body in response.

Your legs were accidentally clamping down on his head each time he sucked on your clit, but he didn't seem to mind, if anything it egged him on.

"C-close, so close," you chanted our warning as his hands tightened on your thighs he gave wide laps to your throbbing button.

"Say you love me baby," he mumbled his demand against your skin.

"Bucky, yes, I love you," you whimpered. "Love you so much, fuck, I'm gonna come…"

He nodded as he wrapped his lips around your clit and kept sucking, harder than ever, until your whole body was literally quaking and you weren't sure if you had closed your eyes or if your vision just went black for a second. As if that weren't enough, he kept going until you had to push him off of you by his forehead, shivering and catching your breath as aftershocks rocked your body.

"You're so amazing," he groaned huskily as he sat up and pulled you into a rough kiss, the taste of your pleasure coating your tongue as it tangled with his. Just as you were about to reach down and attempt to operate his belt buckle with your tingling fingers, he pulled back from the kiss a moment too soon. "And now you get to drive yourself home," he grinned, patting you on the cheek reassuringly.

"What? That's it?!" you squawked.

"You just came so hard you nearly blacked out and you're asking me if that's it?" he smirked incredulously.

"I just thought you would want to, you know… go all the way," you explained, cringing at the immature phrase.

"Hey, I'm a gentleman, and this is still our first date," he reminded you.

"But aren't you, you know…?"

"Oh, I am," he nodded quickly, leaning in to bite at your neck. "Don't worry about me, princess, I can take care of myself." He chuckled at your whimper and pulled back to look right into your eyes. "But it's not about me, is it? You want my cock all for yourself, don't you?"

You nodded, making him giggle sweetly.

"Well, you're just gonna have to wait," he cooed, poking the tip of your nose with his finger and laughing harder at your needy whine. "We'll go out again next weekend and maybe if it goes well, it'll lead to something more, alright?"

"Okay," you sighed, "I can wait a week. I think."

He smiled and kissed you again, helping you pull your panties back up and rubbing your thigh appreciatively. "Goodnight," he whispered against your lips, slipping out of the car and shutting the door behind him.

You sighed and let your head fall back against the seat, watching out the window as he walked back to his bike. You hated to see him go, but you did love watching him walk away.

two years later…

“Will the Six Million Dollar Man be joining us?” Sam asked with a smirk as he glanced to the door of the bowling alley, checking to see if anyone had walked in.

“When he gets off of work,” you promised.

“Why do you call him that?” Natasha asked Sam innocently.

“You’ll see,” Sam promised, kissing his girlfriend on the cheek, but you figured there was a pretty good chance she wouldn't get the reference anyway.

Right on cue, Bucky appeared in the doorway and you and Sam waved him to the correct lane. “Hey guys,” he greeted, “hey babe,” he pulled you into a quick kiss. “And happy birthday, Sam.”

“Shh, keep it down, we don’t want any Hollywood people to find out that I’m aging,” Sam joked. “Are you gonna join the game or just observe?”

“I’ll join, if it’s not too late,” Bucky decided.

“Since when do you bowl?” you asked him, raising an eyebrow.

“Since I got the prosthetic recalibrated to throw the perfect strike every time,” he winked.

Beers and turns went pretty quickly after that, light conversation interspersed in between, until the more raucous parts of the evening died down and you left Bucky for a moment to join Sam at the bar.

Sam nodded to acknowledge you as you leaned beside him, and you ordered yourself one more drink before you called it a night.

“So, Natasha,” you started the conversation, watching the way Sam couldn’t hide his smile. “She’s great.”

“Yeah, she’s really something,” he agreed. “I wanted you guys to meet her sooner, but you were gone filming for so long and all.”

“Don’t fuck this one up, Sam,” you threatened.

“I’m trying not to!” he defended, before looking around like he was trying to make sure no one was looking. As you furrowed your brow and wondered what he was up to, he pulled out his phone from his jacket pocket and showed you a picture: a ring, with a massive diamond and accents of citrine.

“Holy shit…” you sighed, pulling the phone closer to get a better look.

“Had it custom made, I’m gonna pick it up tomorrow,” he explained, putting the phone away. “I don’t even know how I’m gonna ask her yet… I just know I need to snag this one before she slips through my fingers.”

“You’re really like a whole new man,” you realized aloud.

“I’m telling you, this girl… she really changed everything for me,” he sighed wistfully, and you nodded because you knew what that was like.

“I knew you just needed a good woman to straighten you out, Wilson,” you joked, patting him on the shoulder, “my only mistake was ever thinking it was me.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I thought it was you, too,” he smiled softly. “I really loved you, even when I was stepping out on you… and I think I needed to love you, and to lose you, to be here now. So, thank you.”

“Uh, you’re welcome, I guess,” you laughed a little, taking a slow sip of your drink.

“And if she says yes, I’m gonna need all the marriage advice you have to offer,” he bargained.

“I mean, we’ve only been married for a month,” you chuckled, “I don’t think we’re far enough into it to really provide significant guidance.”

“And you’ve already gone through so much together. Is he doing alright? You know, his nightmares and stuff…”

You glanced over and where Bucky and Natasha were chatting, admiring how at ease he looked; he usually had a harder time with new people. “Yeah, it’s been a lot better, he’s on new meds… how did you know about that?”

“He talks to me sometimes,” Sam admitted. “And as someone who has played a PTSD-striken veteran in not one, but two major motion pictures, I’m sort of an expert,” he winked, but then got serious again. “I would’ve asked him how he was doing myself but he wouldn’t let me ask him personal stuff on my birthday.”

“I bet he’d let you ask him for his opinion on the ring you just showed me.”

“Um, why would I want his opinion when he bought you that?” he grimaced, pointing at the ring on your finger. “I mean, sapphires? Really?”

“Cut it out,” you laughed, shoving him on the shoulder.

“Okay, fine,” he relented.

“Are you coming to my premiere tomorrow, by the way?” you asked. “I have it on good authority you were invited, since I demanded it.”

“Yeah, I’ll be there,” he nodded, “Nat really wants to go, too. She’s a big fan of your work.”

“Well, tell her she was great in that one about the missing girl,” you replied.

“I’ll be sure to tell her exactly that.”

“We should head home, you know how early premiere prep starts,” you sighed with an exhausted roll of your eyes, finishing the last of your drink before grabbing Sam on the shoulder. “Good luck with however you decide to pop the question with Nat. Let me know if you need anything.”

He nodded and let you go, and once you got Bucky’s attention and said goodbye to Nat, the two of you made your way out back to the car.

“I’m glad you and Sam get along,” you reminded him as you squeezed his hand.

“What gives you that impression?” he scoffed.

You shook your head and smiled, letting him walk you to the car in silence.

Less than 24 hours later, you held his hand in just the same way as you sat beside each other in the screening auditorium, watching your latest film fade to black and hearing the crowd at the premiere— mostly cast, crew, and critics— erupt into applause.

"I have a little surprise for you," you whispered in his ear as the credits began to flash.

"I am not gonna let you blow me in this crowded theater," he instantly scolded.

"No, not that," you giggled, although you secretly wondered how much less crowded the theater would have to be for him to let you try it. "Just wait until my name comes up."

Written and Directed by Hope Van Dyne

A Paramount Pictures Film

In Association with Europa

And then there it was, in big white letters, just as much of a trip to see as the first time you saw your name on the big screen. But something very important had changed.

Y/N Y/L/N-Barnes

Everyone at the screening was clapping and cheering, but you were so focused on him that his whisper was the only thing you heard. "Sweetheart," he gasped, and you smiled wide. "You didn't have to—"

"I wanted to."

"It's just a stage name, if you want to keep it the same—"

"Buck, really. I want your name there with mine."

"But your credits…" he protested, though the break in his voice made it clear he was tearing up. "You're an actress and you've established your career already and it's so important to you—"

"Hey," you soothed, reaching up to brush your hand over his cheek, forcing him to look at you. "Your wife is the most important thing I've ever been."

#bucky barnes x reader #bodyguard!bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes bodyguard au

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theunstuffedpepper · 2 years

Text

I saw this side-by-side comparison showing how a person’s organs move around to make room for baby and just.. wow. Our bodies are incredible.

I got the Moderna booster on Monday! Aside from a sore arm and a persistent headache, the side effects for me weren’t too bad. I also had some serious fatigue and nausea, but I’m so used to living with those things, I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy or the booster. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I took some Tylenol finally yesterday because that headache was kicking my ass. I typically try to take nothing while I’m pregnant, but it is what it is. I needed it. I also signed off work at 5:01pm knowing I was leaving some things for myself for the next day, but I just couldn’t do it anymore. Such exhaustion.

After falling asleep on the couch yesterday by 8pm, I just gave in to it and was tucked in bed at 8:30. I slept like a damn rock (thank you, pep and b!) and I feel so much more refreshed this morning.

Christmas update (warning - this may get long and ranty!): we had decided on sleeping at my MIL’s house while we’re in NJ over the holiday rather than sleeping at my parents’. We stay at my parents’ house every year and this year has been particularly hard for my MIL, so we thought she could use the company. My mom did not take that well (as expected) when I told her over the phone. Even after we hung up, several hours later, I got a one-word text from her: “Wow.” …really? This doesn’t need to be so dramatic. Needless to say, I didn’t answer.

Two nights ago, I missed a call from my mom and she left a voicemail about Christmas Eve timing. I ended up working til I went to bed, basically, so I didn’t call back. Last night my mom asks me to call her because she’s fretting over Christmas Eve timing, still, for who knows what reason. I call and tell her it doesn’t matter to us. She then also informs me that my brother, his girlfriend, and his girlfriend’s 7yo daughter were uninvited from a big family get-together on Sunday, the day after Christmas. Immediately I knew it was because they’re the only ones not vaccinated and the word “good” popped out of my mouth. Oops. “What did you just say? Good??” …yeah. Again, oops. But I explained that I also am not comfortable with it and if they make the decision (or indecision) to not get vaccinated, they have to also understand that it is going to make some people uncomfortable.

My mom then goes on a rant about my brother and his girlfriend getting COVID in august and according to her google research, antibodies from being infected last 8 months, so he’s “more protected than she is right now!” since she got vaxxed back in March and hasn’t bothered to get boosted. I just cannot with these conversations, y’all. I can’t. My brother is diabetic, and that’s why he says he doesn’t wanna get vaxxed. If anything, that makes him immunocompromised and he had even more reason to get vaxxed before rolling the dice, deciding to just “wait and see”, and then get COVID at a concert. Of course because it wasn’t a severe case it only reinforces his (and my mom’s) ignorance. “It was barely a cold!” I told my mom to tell that to the hundreds of thousands of (sometimes perfectly healthy) people who ended up on ventilators or worse. She must regret asking me to call, huh? 😁

At this point, I’m already so done, guys. Oh, and ALSO. My aunt and cousin are sick with what my mom says is “phlarengitis” - whether she means laryngitis or pharyngitis, I don’t know, and it doesn’t much matter. They’re hosting the family get-together on Sunday so now we have to decide whether to go. Of course we’re leaning heavily toward no, but it’s breaking my heart, because it’s the only time for quite a while that I’ll get to see my grandmother who is visiting from Florida, and might be the only chance for her to meet pep. I also was stoked for my aunt and uncle to meet him, which they haven’t yet. This situation is so, so frustrating and depressing. I could scream.

After all that, I’m trying my darndest to still enjoy pep’s first Christmas as much as we possibly can. I wanna make great memories with him and see him rip into his presents. We’re going to make the best of it.. it just may look different than we had hoped.

I hope you all are dealing with less Christmas/holiday drama than this, although I know this stupid virus affects us all. Today’s my last working day until Tuesday, so time to get to it.

#no reblogs please #momblr #christmas drama #covid rant #booster #122221 #operationkay10

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thatbritishactor · 3 years

Text

Adventures in Success (part 7)

Pairing : Ben Barnes x Reader

Warnings : None, this chapter’s FLUFFY AF.

Summary: Ben’s agent is retiring and the firm wants you to represent him. It’s going to be hard for you not to mix work with feelings.

Words: 3,000

Type: Slow Burn, Fluff

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 8

gif by bnbrns

My masterlist

3 months later

Ben’s been back in LA for a few days when he receives a text from you. Ever since your text exchange while you were drunk, the two of you resumed on your usual banter, leaving the unfamiliar politeness behind, much to his relief. It feels like the emotional wall you’ve put up between you and him progressively came crawling down with every text exchange. You are scheduled to meet for dinner tonight, and he can’t wait to see you.

He’s surprised you haven’t contacted him as he received the best news he’s ever gotten in his entire career. He’s been nominated for the Volpi Cup, the award for best actor in the Venice Film Festival, for the Bong Joon Ho movie. When he got the news from the film crew, he almost cried tears of joy. He was incredibly proud, but most importantly, he knew you’d have to drop his contract, as you had agreed. He wondered how you felt about his nomination, and why you hadn’t contacted him right away. Had you found someone else? If so, was it serious? His heart jumped in his chest when he saw your name illuminating his screen. He opened your message eagerly.

You: Hi Ben, I know we were supposed to meet today for dinner, but I got the flu and i’ve been stuck home for the last two days. I’m still feverish and I can’t make it out I’m so sorry… :(

So, that was why you hadn’t contacted him. Selfishly, he preferred to know that you were stuck home with the flu than in the arms of another guy. He writes back to you:

Ben: I can come over and bring some soup, herbal tea and flu medicine :)

You: absolutely not Ben, I’d never forgive myself if you got the flu because of me.

He raises his eyebrows as he reads your message. He won’t let you get away with this.

Ben: I’m immune to the flu :) plus I have some verrry important news and I NEED to see you.

You: I cant let you see me this way :( I haven’t showered in two days and I look like shit.

Ben: I don’t care. I’m coming.

You: Fine, you’re the f***** worst.

Ben: see you in an hour :)

Ben can’t stop smiling as he gets in his car to go to the grocery store, he’s so gleeful he could break into a song and start dancing in the street.

* * * * * * * * *

He knocks on your door, familiar with your place as he’s already been here a few times, for movie nights mostly. He’s even slept on your convertible couch after some nights where the two of you drank too much. You open slightly the door and he catches a glimpse of your face.

“Ugh, I can’t believe you came” you sigh as you turn over and leave the door open. He laughs loudly.

“That’s no way to greet me after a six months separation” he protests.

He smiles widely when he notices that you’re wearing a blanket around your shoulders, sweat pants and fuzzy socks. You’re walking awkwardly around your living room, looking exhausted. Your hair his wet so you’ve definitely taken a shower before he arrived. You look pale, your nose is red, you have dark circles under your eyes. You definitely look sick, but still cute, he thinks to himself. He sets the grocery bag on the table while you sit on your couch, staring at nothing.

“So, I took some chicken soup” he announces “some herbal tea, honey for your throat, your favorite ice cream and some ibuprofen”. He looks back at you, you’re wiping your nose with a tissue. You look so precious, he wants to hold you close and kiss you. He resists the urge and sets the items on your living room table, before making a trip to your kitchen to set the ice cream in the freezer.

“Thank you, Ben, that’s so kind of you” you reply weakly when he enters the living room. “I think my temperature’s rising again, I don’t feel too good” you add in a weak voice. He comes to sit next to you on the couch and presses a hand to your forehead. It’s clammy and hot, you’re burning up.

“Yep, feels like you’re having a fever” he states “I’ll get you some ibuprofen” he says, getting back up and heading to your kitchen to get a glass of water. He comes back a few seconds later and you’re lying on your side, your legs pressed to your chest, softly whining.

“It’s okay, I’m here” he says in a smooth voice. He crouches next to you and hands you the pill and the glass of water. You stare at him with glassy eyes.

“I can’t believe you came” you say, repeating the first words you’ve uttered to him when he got here.

“I told you, I have some important news to tell you” he says, smiling.

“But you’re seeing me like this” you whine, gesturing towards yourself. “I look like a monster” you say, closing your eyes.

“That’s not true, you look sick” he protests “You still look pretty and cute, don’t worry”, he adds with a grin. You hide your face in a cushion, not replying.

“Come on, take the pill” he says patiently. You open your eyes again and slowly sit.

“Thank you” you whisper, your hands trembling a bit.

“Do you want to eat something?” he asks, concerned.

You nod to say no “I’m not hungry” you say, wincing.

“When’s the last time you ate?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

You look away, thinking, scrunching your nose a bit. God you’re cute, he thinks, having to resist the urge to kiss you again.

“I don’t really remember” you reply “The fever’s making the last few days blurry” you add, scrubbing your eyes.

“I’m gonna get you some soup” he says, and he goes to the kitchen to get you a spoon. He puts the kettle on to make you some tea as well, because he wouldn’t be a true British person of he didn’t.

“It’s still warm” he says, coming back in the living room. You nod as you patiently wait for him to bring you the soup, and sigh when he gives you the warm bowl.

“So, what’s the big news?” you ask.

“It can wait.” Ben answers, rubbing your arm to warm you up, seeing you shivering.

“But you came for that” you protest, drinking your soup.

“I came to see you” he replies, smiling softly.

You nod your head, closing your eyes “This is so good” you say.

“I’m glad you like it” he replies, getting comfortable on the couch. “Do you want to watch something?” he asks, gesturing towards your TV. “A comforting movie, perhaps?”

You look at him, smiling softly “Yeah, I could watch something” you say “I’ve spent the last two days in bed” you add.

“What do you want to watch?” he asks, looking intently at you. Even when you’re sick, you still have the same effect on him. His chest feels a bit tight and he desperately wants to touch you. You think for a few seconds before smiling slowly, your eyes looking heavy. You look so tired and weak, it breaks his heart “Princess Bride” you reply, looking content.

He laughs “Princess Bride it is!” he replies as he turns the TV on. He goes back to the kitchen to fetch you your tea, adding a generous amount of honey to soothe your throat. He comes back in the room and you’re standing next to the sofa.

“Could you unfold the couch?” you ask weakly, looking up at him. “I want to fall asleep in front of the film” you add.

He has the resist the urge to cup your face with both of his hands and kiss you. “Of course” he replies, happy to feel useful to you. He expertly unfolds the sofa, and you climb on it right away, still wrapped in your blanket. He lies down next to you and launches the movie. He feels genuinely content in this moment, thinking that there’s no place where he’d rather be, because he’s with you. He thinks to himself that he simply needs your company to feel whole and happy, and he realizes, for the hundredth time, how serious his feelings are for you. He glances at you and sees that you’re shivering.

“Are you alright?” he asks, concerned.

“I’m so cold” you reply, hugging yourself.

“I’ll get another blanket” he replies, and you reach for his arm before he gets up.

“Can you hold me?” you ask, looking at him. His heart explodes with joy in his chest and he tries to control his facial expression.

“Of course” he replies softly with an even voice, and he’s impressed with himself. He slides closer to you on the sofa and opens his arms, and you snuggle against him, sighing, seeming satisfied.

“You smell so good” you say after a few seconds.

He laughs. Why do you need to be in an altered state to say these things to him? Drunk or feverish? What stops you from saying how you feel? Why do you have to control yourself this much? he thinks bitterly.

“Thank you” he replies, his heart beating fast in his chest.

“Why do you have to be so perfect?” you ask, your eyes closed. You seem like you’re slowly falling asleep.

“What do you mean?” he asks, still half laughing.

“You’re smart, kind, funny, unbearably handsome.” you reply, yawning, before snuggling your face against his chest.

“You’re not so bad yourself” he replies softly, placing a soft kiss on the top of your head.

“I’m not good enough for you” you reply, and your eyes are closed, your expression relaxed.

“What? That’s nonsense” he replies, frowning and aghast.

“Hmmmm...” you reply, your head falling a bit, and he understands that you’ve fallen asleep now. He looks back at the TV, distracted. Is that why you won’t date him? Using the excuse of being his agent? Because you’re insecure? He frowns as he ponders on this, still holding you against him. Your breathing is even and your face relaxed, and he feels happy and privileged to see you this way, unguarded and natural. He falls asleep before the movie ends, sill suffering from jet lag.

* * * * * * * * * *

You open your eyes, waking from the fever dream you were just having. You feel sweaty and cold, coming down from your fever. You look around you and find Ben lying next to you, asleep. You stare at his beautiful face for a few seconds, lit by the glowing screen of the TV. You usually can’t stare at him as much as you want to, so you indulge fully. You look at his eyes, his long lashes, the beauty spot you love so much. His nose, his mouth, his beard. His cheekbones, the soft curve of his lips. You heart aches in your chest, you find him so beautiful it almost makes you want to weep.

You close your eyes and sigh deeply, and decide to get up and take a shower to clean the sweat off yourself. You get up slowly, in order not to wake him up, and head to your bedroom. You set out a clean set of pajamas (the good fancy ones, because Ben’s here after all, and you’ll definitely look better in them than in your old sweat pants) and hop in the shower, happy to feel the warmth of the water on your skin. You close your eyes and try to focus to analyze the situation. It’s hard because you’re still feverish, and you feel groggy.

He’s here, you think to yourself, in awe. He came, only to take care of you. You shake your head as you realize how much he must care about you to have come all the way here. He could be anywhere, with anyone, and yet he decided to come to you. You nod your head as you take in the realization and try to calm your nerves. Once you’re done cleaning yourself, you step out of the shower, fold yourself into a towel and go brush your teeth, wanting to feel clean and fresh. You stare at your own reflection, unimpressed. What does he see in you? You simply don’t understand. He could have any woman, any beautiful actress in the industry, any gorgeous model, why does he waste his time with you? You shake your head, unable to comprehend what he sees in you. You step into your bedroom, put on a clean set of underwear before putting on your Pjs.

You tip toe in the living room again and turn off the TV screen. Ben shuffles in his sleep, sighing, and you lie down next to him. You could go back to your bed, but you can’t resist being so close to him. You’ve missed him so much these last few months, and your feelings for him are so strong. You reach for his hand and grab it softly, wanting to have a physical contact with him. He wakes up at the contact and your heart drops in your chest. He opens lazily his eyes, and they seem completely black in the dark.

“Hey” he whispers, smiling softly. “Feeling better?”

“A bit” you sigh back, your chest feeling horribly tight. You could kiss him, right here, right now. Nothing can stop you, except yourself.

“C’me here” he says, and he opens his arms. You don’t hesitate for a second, turning your back on him and snuggling close to him. He spoons you, holding you close, his arms around you. You close your eyes, thinking you’ve never been this happy before, and quickly fall asleep.

* * * * * * * * * *

You wake up to the smell of pancakes and sigh happily. You stretch on the couch and slowly open your eyes, trying to assess how you feel. You’re still a bit sore and your throat hurts, but you don’t feel feverish anymore. You look around you and Ben’s woken up, probably in the kitchen judging by the sounds coming from it. You quickly get up, panicked, and run to your bathroom. You assess the mess as you stare at yourself in the mirror, and decide to brush your teeth first. You brush your hair, put fresh water on your face and breathe evenly to calm yourself. You’re not thrilled by the way you look, but at least you look a little more human. You tip toe to the kitchen and you hear Ben singing, bringing a bright smile to your face.

You enter and he’s cooking pancakes, and you think to yourself that the man has no mercy for you. First, coming to take care of you while you’re sick, secondly, making you pancakes in the morning. How is he even real? You ask yourself. He spots you and stops singing:

“Morning sunshine, how are you feeling?” he asks, grinning.

“A little better, thank you”, you reply as you take a sit on the counter.

“Ahhh, finally some good news”, he says, grinning. How does he look so good? You ask yourself. The man’s slept in his clothes, hasn’t taken a shower yet and he looks like the most beautiful person in the world. You grind your teeth, annoyed by him.

“Did you sleep well?” you ask, blushing.

“Never better” he winks, and you blush even more.

“So, what about these big news you wanted to tell me?” you ask, raising an eyebrow. He slides a plate with pancakes and a cup of tea towards you, and you grab it eagerly.

“Well, I guess you haven’t heard since you were stuck in here with a fever” he starts, and he looks intently at you. “I’ve been nominated for best actor at the Venice Film Festival” he announces.

You choke on your tea and slide off the counter “Oh my God, Ben!!” you yell, and you jump at his neck to hug him, screaming with joy. He laughs as he catches you, and the two of you stand here for a while, hugging. Your breathing slows a bit and you step back “Congratulations” you say, looking up at his face, and the expression on his face makes you weak in the knees. There is tenderness, and a hunger, a want that makes you quiver.

“Thank you” he replies “I’d never had gotten there without you” he says as he puts a loose strand of hair behind your ear. You blush and turn over to grab your tea, before facing him again.

“I have something to ask you” he says, “a favor”.

“Anything, Ben” you say, smiling.

“By my guest at the film festival” he asks. “Come with me, please.”

You stop smiling and you feel sudden dread.

“Ben, I could neve-”

“I don’t want anyone else but you” he cuts you off “by my side, on this day. Please” he begs, and you get lost in his charcoal eyes, unable to resist him.

“Fine”, you sigh, and he grins widely.

“Thank you” he replies “I’ll send you the details” he winks, quoting back to you one of your favorite expressions. You blush again, feeling self conscious.

“I have to go” he says, “I’ll talk to you soon?” he adds, seeming hopeful.

“All right” you reply, still feeling weak in the knees. He steps closer to you, and he gently cups your face with both hands, before placing a light kiss on your forehead. He releases you and grabs his jacket. “Have a nice day” he says, winking, before leaving the kitchen.

You stare into the void as you hear your front door slamming, unable to process what just happened.

Part 8

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#ben barnes #ben barnes x reader #ben barnes x you #ben barnes imagine #ben barnes fanfiction #fanfiction #billy russo x reader #adventures in success #my fics #fanfic

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hangovercurse · 3 years

Text

Home Sweet Home

You bring Colson to your hometown for the first time.

Request: “Can you write a Colson imagine where you take him back to your hometown to meet your family and friends and he’s nervous everyone will hate him but everyone ends up loving him? And maybe include a run in with some girls from high school that are jealous 🤔🤷🏻‍♀️”

Colson Baker x Reader

Warnings: Cursing

A/N: I try to be as inclusive as possible in my fics but its hard when writing about families in this capacity, so I just went with the most generic family model possible. Also, my family is very unusual so I don’t really know how families interact… oop

Word Count: 2979

“Will you stop freaking out, you’re making me nervous.” You placed a soft hand on the shaking leg of your boyfriend. “And they’re my family.”

He let out a sigh, the shaking stopping momentarily as he pulled you as close to him as possible in the back of your Uber. “What if your parents hate me?”

Taking a deep breath, you assured him again, “my parents are not going to hate you. We’ve been over this; they’re going to love you.”

“Your dad is going to take one look at me and punch me in the face.” Colson said, a pout on his face.

You let out a chuckle, “he is not. And even if he does, you can take a punch.”

Despite your laughter, Colson remained stoic, “I’m serious Y/N, dads hate me. I look like everything you’d want your daughter to avoid.”

A sigh left your lips at his admittance of insecurity. “Babe listen to me, please. My parents are going to love you because I love you. And if they don’t then tough shit because you’re not going anywhere.”

He nodded, but you could still see the worry behind his eyes. “I just really want them to like me. They’re important to you, so they’re important to me.”

You smiled at the comment, heart fluttering. “I’m in love with you.”

He looked at you deeply, a smile falling onto his lips, “and I’m in love with you, princess.” His lips pressed a small kiss against the crown of your head and rested there until the car pulled up to your childhood home. You felt your boyfriend tense up beside you, so you reached for his arm that was around your middle, rubbing soft shapes through the sleeves.

“I’m gonna be right next to you the whole night.” You told him as you moved to open the door, breathing in the refreshing air. LA was lovely, but it was nice to be able to breathe properly in your hometown.

Colson grabbed your bags out of the trunk, even though you insisted you could help. “Go say hi to your family, babe. I got it.”

You pressed a small kiss to his cheek, whispering a small “see you inside” before rushing to the familiar front door. Years of memories lie beyond its wood, memories you were excited to relive.

Knowing your family would keep it unlocked for you, you turned the knob and pushed the door open. The smell of your family’s cooking filled your nose, and immediately members of your family found you.

“Y/N!” Your younger cousins screamed, racing over to you to hug you. The last time you’d seen them they were 5 and 7, now they were 8 and 10.

“You guys have gotten so big! Did you drink some sort of magic potion or something?” You asked, a smile on your face.

Your mom had told you that she and your father would be cooking, but you didn’t think they’d invited your entire family. Although, you should have assumed they would given how close your family was.

Once your cousins let go of you, you turned around to see Colson waving off the Uber driver and making his way to the door. You turned to your younger cousins once he got close enough for them to see him. “Guys, this is my boyfriend, Colson.” They gave small waves as you introduced them to Colson, who gave them a big smile.

“C’mon, babe. I’ll show you to our room.” You grabbed one of the bags from his hand, much to his dismay, and led him through the house. After you had moved to LA, your parents had turned your bedroom into the guest room, but some of the decorations from your younger years had remained on the walls.

Colson looked around the room, smiling as he thought of younger you growing up in here. “Is this a Bowie vinyl?” He asked, motioning to the vinyl record on the wall as he set your bags onto the bed.

You nodded, smiling wide. “Yep, got it for my 15th birthday. Signed and everything.” Your boyfriend nodded in appreciation as his eyes moved around the room. You wrapped your arms around his middle, cuddling into his chest. You could feel his heart pounding in his chest from how nervous he was. “You’re not gonna freak out and run off on me, are you?” You asked, a light humor in your voice.

Colson let out a dry chuckle, “no, I’ll be okay.” He mumbled, squeezing you closer to him. “But what if we just stayed in here forever?”

You slapped his chest playfully, “c’mon loser, you’re coming to meet my family whether you like it or not.” You grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the door.

“Yes ma’am.” He saluted with his free hand, making you giggle.

You made your way into the kitchen where your mom was standing with your aunts and sister. Her eyes lit up when she saw you, “you made it!” She came over and gave you a tight hug, “How was the flight?” She asked.

“It was fine, we slept most of the way.” You smiled before turning to Colson. “Mom, this is Colson, you’ve met him over facetime a couple times now, remember?”

She smiled moving to pull him into a hug. He had a shocked look on his face but reciprocated the hug. You mouthed “sorry” to him, giggling silently. He just smiled and shook his head, letting you know he was okay.

“Of course, I remember! She talks about you all the time.” You blushed as Colson smiled proudly. “You’re much taller in person.” Your mom noted, making you and Colson chuckle.

“Yeah, I get that a lot.”

Your sister cleared her throat, grabbing your attention, “right! Colson, this is my sister and my aunts.”

They each introduced themselves politely. You told them you were going to go outside to find your dad and brothers. Before you left your sister pulled you to the side and whispered in your ear, “okay, I knew LA was full of hot guys, but how’d you manage to pull that?”

You laughed out loud, “Y/S/N! That’s so mean!”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” She laughed, but then whispered again, “but seriously, god damn.”

You rolled your eyes, “next time I’ll bring you one back.” She giggled, nodding in encouragement.

You took Colson’s hand, ignoring his quizzical look, and led him to your backyard. “That wasn’t too bad, right?” You checked in on him.

He sighed, “no, but moms are never bad. If moms don’t like you, they’ll say it in secret. Dads will say it to your face.”

“My mom loved you, and so will my dad. Just trust me.” You smiled, squeezing his hand.

You found your dad sitting on a lawn chair with your grandparents. Your brothers were throwing a football around with some of your older cousins and uncles. You greeted the three in lawn chairs, your dad standing up to give you a hug.

“Hey, Y/N/N. How are you?” Your dad asked.

“I’m good! Glad to be home!” You smiled.

Your grandpa grunted, “you should never leave, then.”

You chuckled, leaning down to give both him and your grandma hugs. “You’ll be so sick of me in three days, you’ll be begging me to leave.”

Once you stood up straight, you motioned to Colson, “This is my boyfriend, Colson. You’ve kind of met him before, Dad.”

Your dad reached out his arm for Colson to shake, earning him a strong nod. “Strong grip. I like him.” Your dad looked towards you. You could tell he didn’t remember meeting Colson on facetime, but you hadn’t expected him to.

“Grandpa, you’ll like this. Colson knows all four members of Motley Crue.” You smiled, winking at your boyfriend.

The older man looked impressed, “really? I was a roadie on the Theatre of Pain tour.”

Colson nodded, a smile on his face. “I played Tommy Lee in their biopic and then, uh, we recorded a song together.” You grinned proudly as the two talked about their experiences with the band.

Your dad put a hand on your shoulder, shaking you lightly, “You happy?” He whispered.

You turned to look at him, “yeah. He’s a good guy, trust me.”

Your dad nodded, ��oh, I can tell. Just wanted to make sure.” You thanked him, watching your boyfriend interact with your family. “Now you gotta introduce him to your brothers.” He chuckled at your sigh.

“Do I have permission to punch them if they act like assholes?” You asked, only kind of joking.

Your dad pushed you towards the lawn, “I see nothing.” You smile, grabbing Colson’s hand and leading him away from your grandpa once they’d finished their conversation.

“Okay, so I knew you were freaking out about my parents, so I didn’t want to freak you out even more.” You started, causing a panic look to cross Colson’s face. “My brothers are…” you searched for the words, “assholes. But like, loveable assholes. But they’re probably gonna give you shit, but it’s out of love. But I have no problem hitting them if you want me to.” You smiled.

He raised an eyebrow, “normally I’d say that’s my job but I feel like it’d be easier for your family to forgive you than me.” You laughed, pulling him to the guys and introducing him.

It turns out, your brothers actually really liked Colson, which was somehow worse than them hating him. Because it meant that they stole him from you. When you went back inside to talk more with your mom, your brothers demanded Colson stay outside with them. He seemed happy, so you let him stay, excited that your family was taking to him so well.

An hour later, dinner was almost ready, so your brothers started to set up the folding tables outside, which Colson gladly helped with. You were helping your mom finish up the last of the food, watching your best friend and soulmate through the window with adoration. He was helping your younger cousin put the tablecloth on the table, the scene reminding you of the time Casie and him took you out for a picnic on your birthday. You couldn’t wait to bring her here.

“You chose a good one.” Your grandma commented from behind you, making you jump a little bit. Once you registered her words, you blushed, mumbling out a thank you. “I can tell he really loves you. A granny can always tell.”

You smiled, “I really love him, too.” You turned back to check on him, catching his eye. He sent you a bright grin, making your grandma pat you on the shoulder before walking back to your mom to help her.

The rest of the night was magical, Colson by your side the entire time. Eventually most of your family left, leaving you and Colson to go to bed. You cuddled into his side, a smile on both of your faces. “They all love you, y’know?”

He hummed in response, squeezing your waist. “I love you.”

You chuckled, “you’re so fucking cheesy.”

The next day you were determined to take Colson on a tour of your town, starting with the skate park you spent almost every day at in high school. “We would’ve been best friends when we were kids.” He said as you dragged him through the park.

“We’re best friends now.” You chuckled, pausing to press a kiss to his lips.

He hummed, “I think we’re a little more than best friends but okay.” You rolled your eyes, pulling him further into the park until you spotted a familiar face.

“Little Benny?” You asked, your face lighting up. The younger guy’s eyes widened, running up to you.

“Y/N?” he asked, pulling you in for a hug.

You chuckled, “You were like, 12 the last time I saw you, what the hell?”

The man laughed along with you, “well you were the one who ran off to LA miss big-time producer.”

You smiled, realizing he had probably checked up on you. Benny was about 7 years younger than you and had looked up to you almost his whole life. Seeing him so grown up was a strange experience for you.

You noticed him glancing to Colson, his eyes going wide. “You’re-“

You laughed, “Benny this is Colson, my boyfriend. Also known as-“

“Machine Gun Kelly!” The younger boy exclaimed, making Colson chuckle.

He reached out his hand, which Benny gladly shook, “nice to meet you, man.”

“Kells, this is Benny, my friend from high school. I taught him how to skate.”

“More like your protégé.” A female voice said. Behind Benny came Deanie, another girl his age you had taught. Benny’s arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her into him.

You smiled at the two, knowing Benny had liked her since he was in middle school. “Hi Deanie.” You said, the girl smiling back at you. “This is Colson, my boyfriend.”

“Are you gonna skate?” She asked, eyes going wide.

You sighed, shaking your head, “sorry, guys. Maybe later, I’m just showing Colson around the town right now.”

Deanie and Benny both pouted, “damn, she goes off to Hollywood and forgets all about us.” Benny joked, making you all laugh.

You grabbed Colson’s hand, “We’ll see you guys later!” You waved, pulling the man away from the couple.

“It was nice to meet you!” He said, making you smile. “You seriously taught him how to skate?”

You nodded as you continued your trek to the diner you used to work at. “Yep, I taught most of the kids how to skate, although I guess they’re all his age now.”

Colson grinned, “so you’re, like, a legend here.” He commented, but you shook your head, laughing.

“No, I was a loser.”

“Not to those two, you’re not.” He said, swinging your intertwined hands. You rolled your eyes but didn’t say anything further.

You finally arrived at the small diner you used to work at. About 50 feet away from the door, Colson’s phone buzzed. “Shit, Slim’s calling.”

“Take it, I’ll grab a table and you can meet me inside.” He smiled thankfully, answering the call as you walked inside.

You immediately spotted Wesley, the cook you’d known since you were 16, through the order window. The smell of the diner was familiar, and for a moment you felt like you were walking in for a shift. You leaned against the bar, “Hey, Wes!” You called, drawing the cook’s eye.

“Little miss Y/N! Is that really you?” You smiled at the old man.

“It sure is! How’s the diner?”

“I’m still here, aren’t I?” You giggled at his response. Wes had opened the diner in the 90’s and swore he’d burn with the building.

You grabbed a booth in the corner, just in case there happened to be any peering eyes in your small town.

Unfortunately, your table was in Liza’s section, a girl who’d hated you since you were kids. You found it quite funny that she was still working at the diner after all this time, silently thankful that you’d gotten out of the town.

She scowled when she saw you but walked over anyways. “What happened? Strike out in Hollywood and now you’re back here trying to get your job back?”

Her voice was just as annoying as it had always been. “Or did your rich sugar daddy dump your ass and now you’re home begging for money?”

You wanted nothing more than to slap the smirk off her face, but you refrained. “Actually-“ You started, but you got cut off by your boyfriend.

“You have a sugar daddy and didn’t tell me about it? Babe I would’ve helped you scam him for so much more.” He smiled, sitting across from you, and grabbing your hand that was resting on the table.

Upon realizing who was sitting across from you, Liza stiffened. “You’re-“

“Y/N’s boyfriend, nice to meet you.” He smiled, an evil glint in his eyes.

“Machine Gun Kelly!” Liza said, her squeaky voice making you cringe.

“I prefer Colson, but yeah.” He sighed, looking back over to see your annoyed expression.

Liza looked between the two of you, a look at disgust on her face. “Seriously? Why the hell are you going out with her? You could do so much better.”

Your mouth dropped open in shock at her blunt rudeness. Colson’s jaw clenched as he spoke, “what, like you?”

The girl shrugged, not catching the sarcasm that dripped from his voice. “I’m just saying, I don’t know what she’s told you but she’s a talentless bitch whose probably only dating you for money or fame, or both.”

Luckily, Wes came out to the front of the house to greet Colson, stopping him from punching a girl in the middle of the restaurant. “Nice to meet you, man. I’m Wes, owner, cook, and the best boss Y/N has ever had.” Colson shook his hand, still glaring at Liza.

“Yep.” You agreed with the man. Your voice was soft to calm Colson down, which worked a little bit.

Colson shot the man a grin, “nice to meet you, Wes. Y/N talks about this place all the time.”

The look of pride on Wes’s face was unforgettable. “Well, if you two need anything, just let me know.”

Colson looked towards Liza, annoyance returning to his features, “do you think we could get a new waiter?”

You almost laughed seeing the look of shock on her features, but Wes happily obliged, handing your table over to a newer waitress. Liza had steam coming out of her ears, but you ignored her.

“Thank you.” You muttered. “She’s hated me since we were kids.”

He rolled his eyes, “Yeah I could tell. Couldn’t have her talking shit like that.” He squeezed your hand, “now, what’s good here?”

#mgk #mgk imagine #mgk angst #mgk fluff #machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly imagine #Colson baker #colson x reader #colson baker imagine #colson baker fluff #colson baker angst #colson imagine #colson baker x reader

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jerzwriter · 3 years

Text

Chapter 16 - Home

Book: Open Heart 3 (Post Series)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC Tobias Carrick x F!MC

Rating: Chapter: Teen

Summary: Extended Series WIP – Love Triangle. In this chapter: Casey’s mother pays a visit; Tobias and Casey discuss what if’s; Ethan continues to struggle with his choices; Casey pushes anxiety aside and joins her friends at Donahue’s, where she sees Ethan for the first time since their breakup.

Category: Extended Series (WIP)

Warnings: Angst, loss, drinking, language

A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks for your patience as I got this together. I’ve been on angst overload, and, my friends, it’s not entirely healthy. Some facts about the story’s timeline. Chapter 1-12 cover 6 months (late March to late September). However, chapters 13 -16 cover three days (9/28-10/01). The pace will begin to pick up again with chapter 17 when Casey returns to work and figures out what the future looks like. It’s going to be fun to see how everyone works together after this.

A/N 2: The weekly question remains…. Team Ethan, Team Tobias, or Team let David Gandy find this poor girl and whisk her away? And I must say, Team Gandy is gaining a base. lol😊

A/N 3: I’m not apologizing for long chapters anymore because y’all seem OK with it. I don’t know what that says, but I appreciate it. 😊 Please continue to send me your comments and feedback – it’s always appreciated, and I want to make sure you get the best story I can give you. As always, thanks for reading – you’re the best!

A/N 4: Music notes: Demons - Imagine Dragons this song reminds me of Ethan's struggles, especially the lyrics of the last two stanzas. This song is an old favorite of mine.

SERIES MASTERLIST

CHARACTERS BELONG TO PIXELBERRY STUDIOS

If you wish to be added or removed from tags, please let me know. Comments and reblogs are always appreciated. 😊

It was not unusual to find Ethan standing on his balcony this early in the morning. He was known to wake up at the crack of dawn to take a jog, do some reading or, like today, take in his million-dollar view with a cup of fine coffee in his hand. But he was not up early today; the truth was he hadn’t slept at all. He looked at his watch 5:00 AM. He wasn’t sure of the exact moment Casey walked out his door for the last time, but it was roughly 36-hours ago. How could it be just a day and a half, yet feel like a lifetime ago.

Everything was different now. It was quiet. He couldn’t bring himself to play music or watch TV because something always reminded him of her; so, he chose to live with silence. She was everywhere. Her sweater was draped over the vacant lounge chair at his side. The chair he had purchased specifically for her because he finally had someone he wanted to watch sunsets with. He wanted this, he reminded himself. He still wants this, it was the only way, but the pain was undeniable.

So, there he stood, taking in the view he loved so much, but it brought no joy. Where was she? She had to be out there somewhere. He knew he was likely overlooking where she was right now, but he had no clue where. Was she really sick? Was she just avoiding him? He knew he handled things so poorly, and it ate at him. The way he let her go, she was in no condition… could she have been injured? His eyes shut; self-loathing bubbled inside him. He would never forgive himself if she was hurt because of him… then it dawned on her… she was hurt by him, she was crushed because of him, and he did it on purpose. The voice of the demon he continuously tried to silence became louder. It was the only way. It’s Casey. She loves you too much. It was the only way to get her to go. It was the only way to make her give up. She would be out there waiting for you otherwise. Cruelty was necessary. It is best for both of us. So why did it feel like the definition of hell?

He hoped for the years to pass rapidly. He had no doubt that she would heal and move on. How could she not? She was strong, resilient, beautiful, brilliant… in time, she would know this was for the best. She was surrounded by so many people who adored her and, why wouldn’t they? She’s irresistible. Who else could make him realize he had a heart, and then convince him to give it to her. She stole it. It was hers forever. She would meet someone else, someone worthy of her, someone she could share the life she dreamed of with. He wanted her to be happy; he banked on it happening. For only then could he absolve himself of the sin of destroying the woman he loved more than life itself. So, he wished the years away. Once she got on with her life, then he could close this chapter and move on with his own.

He returned inside. Her things really were everywhere, weren’t they? She was going to need them, he reasoned. So, he began putting them back into the boxes she had only recently taken them out of. He started out methodically, this was a task and he needed to focus on completing it, nothing more. Then he picked up the soft t-shirt she liked to wear every time she left the shower. It still smelled like her. He remembered how irresistible she looked in it. He could feel how soft her body was when he would rub his hands over it, then under it, he could hear the beautiful little moans that she made. STOP. Stop it, Ethan. Focus. Get the job done. His human frailty was greater than he believed it to be. This was not an easy task. But he was a man of reason, flawed though it may be. This was all necessary to attain the goal, all part of getting on to a better future, then they could both be free.

Everything was packed. He felt accomplished as he sat on his couch and peered at the neat stack of boxes in his living room. He did it. He made things easier for Casey. Now, she could just come, pick them up and… and then she would be gone. His heart raced, adrenaline surged, the desire to undo all he had just completed nearly overtook him. He needed to put everything back where it belonged, he thought. What was he doing? He simply couldn’t let every single part of Casey be taken away from him, so easily how could…. then he caught sight of her sweater on the balcony outside.

He stepped out and took it into his hands, caressing the fabric between his fingers. He went back inside and walked past the boxes, through the hallway, and into his bedroom. He placed the sweater on the chair by his bed. He would never let it go. Casey may no longer be his, but this would be his reminder that, for a moment, she was.

The life he imagined with her was not a possibility. But now, he had something tangible to forever remind him that it was not just all a dream.

____________________

Tobias sat at the breakfast bar with a bowl of Cheerios and a crossword puzzle in front of him. After some time, he realized that Casey was pacing nonstop across the living room floor. He put his spoon down and followed her with his eyes for several minutes before he shook his head and chuckled.

“Case?”

Broken from her trance, she jumped when she turned to look at him, “Huh?”

“Easy. Has my carpet done something to piss you off? Because you’re wearing a hole in it.”

“Oh, oh. I’m sorry.”

“I’m just busting your chops, Kid.”

He walked over and sat on the couch, Casey followed and sat next to him.

“What’s going on? You want to talk?”

“My Mom’s coming. I mean, I want to see her. She took the day off work, and she’s coming all the way up from Philly, and it means so much to me, but… I don’t know T. My whole damn world is upside down. I’m scared to see people I love. I don’t understand it. I’m a fucking mess.”

“Come here," he said as she fell into his arms. “You're supposed to feel like a mess right now, it's to be expected. But you’re doing so well, Casey. You’re trying. You’re not lying in bed all day. I’ve seen you smile and laugh even though you’re in so much pain. Seriously, I am in awe of you."

“Then why am I so scared of everything? I’m scared to see my Mom, how does that make sense?”

“Because you’re human. Also,” he said, pushing her back to look in her eyes, “you sort of have this little perfectionist complex thing….”

Casey shot a dirty look at him.

“… don’t give me that look… the only reason I can call you out on it is that I have it too. It’s not easy to say something didn’t work out. I get that. But it wasn’t your fault, Casey. You have nothing to feel ashamed about.”

“You’re right.”

“I usually am.”

“You’re also an ass.”

“Tell me when you have ever heard me deny that,” he grinned. “Look, you were worried about seeing your friends last night, and look how well that went. It will be the same today with your mom, trust me.”

She put her head on his shoulder. “I’m not saying you’re right again.”

He smirked, “That's alright, it’s implied. Now, go get ready.”

A half-hour later, the bell rang. Tobias looked at Casey when she didn’t move.

“Do you want to get it? Or I can go let her in?”

“I guess I should,” she said sadly.

“You got this!”

“I know.”

The second Casey opened the door, all of her apprehension melted away. Rose MacTavish dropped her bags and wrapped her daughter in an embrace only a mother could give. A few tears streamed down Casey’s cheeks as she squeezed back.

“Oh, my little girl. I’m sorry I couldn’t get here sooner.”

“Mom, you got here with one day’s notice. You’re golden,” Casey smiled.

“It warms my heart to see you smile.”

“Well, I should warn you, it’s not likely to be here for your entire visit.”

“I would be concerned if it were, given the circumstances.”

“Mom, your bags are on the floor.”

“Oh, yes, them. I guess I should pick them up.”

“No need to! That’s what I’m here for,” Tobias said as he entered the foyer.

“Mom, this is Tobias. T, this is my mom, Rose.”

Tobias extended his hand, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. MacTavish.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you. But Mrs. MacTavish is my mother-in-law, please, call me Rose.”

“Then it is a pleasure to meet you, Rose; please come on in.”

“Mom, what are all those bags?” Casey asked. She could see that her mother was trying to be discrete, but she was clearly shocked to see the opulence of Tobias’s apartment.

“Uh, I brought some comforts from home, Hun. Open the bags!”

Casey opened the first bag and let out a loud squeal.

“OHMYGOD!!!OHMYGOD!!!OHMYGOD!!!MOM!!!”

“Oh, Jesus, you brought bagels, didn’t you, Rose?”

Rose chuckled, “You’ve had your back to us the entire time. How did you know?”

“I am familiar with Casey’s bagel voice. Once you’ve heard it, it’s impossible to erase it from memory.”

“But T!!” Casey said excitedly, “These aren’t just bagels. These are bagels from South Street Philly Bagels. You have GOT to try one.”

“I mean, I just had Cheerios… but, why not? I guess I’m carb loading today. You’re the bagel purist. I have no choice but to listen to you. But… I’m going to take mine to go. Because I want you ladies to have the place to yourselves today.”

“T… there are freaking how many rooms in this place? You don’t need to go.”

“Yes, I do. I want you to have total privacy. Besides, It gives me the chance to get some errands done. I’ll be back later this afternoon.”

“Fine, but... you have to take at least a bite before you go. Just one bite! I need to see your reaction.”

Tobias’s eyes shot from Casey to Rose, back to Casey. “You’re serious?”

“100%.”

“OK, then…”

Casey stared eagerly as Tobias picked a plain bagel, smeared some cream cheese on it, and popped a piece into his mouth.

“Oh, my Goooodddd! Oh, my Gooooodddd! OK. OK, I’m going to admit. I thought you were crazy and maybe exaggerating a tad, but… holy shit, these are great! I’m sorry for ever judging you.”

Casey was beaming, far too excited about this. “See! I told you!”

“Yeah,” he said, pushing another bagel to the side, “What do you think of putting that one in the freezer for me, huh? I think this one has Tobias’s Sunday morning breakfast written all over it.”

“Well, that’s funny,” Casey said, grabbing another bagel, “because this one says Casey’s Sunday morning breakfast on it! So, they can hang out together in the freezer until then.”

“So,” Rose said, “You’re familiar with this behavior of Casey’s, and there is no need for me to explain that she’s just endearing, not completely out of her mind. We’re good then.”

Tobias snorted as he took another piece of his bagel, “Oh, now we’re good. Casey has quirky and endearing down to an art form; I no longer find it threatening in any way. But I want to get out of your hair. Rose, it was delightful to meet you. I’m sure I’ll l see you when I get back?”

“Oh, yes, I will be here. It was nice meeting you too, Tobias!”

As soon as he stepped out of the front door, Rose turned to her daughter.

“Jesus, Casey! Do you think you could have given me a heads up and told me you were staying in a palace?”

Casey rolled her eyes, “It’s a gorgeous place, Mom, but it’s a condo, not a palace.”

“You say that because you’ve gotten used to it. Trust me when I tell you, this is not just a condo. It was very nice for Tobias to let you stay here for now.”

“Tobias is a great friend. Honestly, if it weren’t for him stumbling across me… I don’t know … let’s just say he’s a godsend.”

“Well. I’m beyond grateful to him. But, how are you doing?”

“Do you want the real version or the one I’m trying to sell everyone, including myself?”

“What do you think?”

Casey bit her lower lip and bobbed her head a few times, “I’m lost, Mommy. I’m lost, and I’m heartbroken and, no matter how much I know I shouldn’t, I feel like such a goddamned fool.”

“Oh, Casey, you’re right. You aren’t a fool. No one is ever a fool for loving; forsaking love that is given to them, now that is foolish.”

“Yeah, people keep telling me that,” she said with a half-smile, “Come on, Mom, let’s go sit on the balcony. It’s a beautiful day. We may as well enjoy it.”

Once they were seated, Rose clasped her daughter’s hand, “So, talk to me. The floor is yours.”

“Well, there is really nothing more to say than what you already know. I told my friends last night, they have all been wonderful.”

“I know, Sienna texted me.”

“Sienna and you... text?”

“Of course, we do, dear. We love you.”

Casey rolled her eyes and smiled, “I should have known.”

“She, Jackie, and Raf are going to get my things at … at his house … probably tomorrow. And Tobias has told me that I can stay here as long as I need to. He wants to make sure I’m situated someplace that’s good for me before I go. He doesn’t want me to just jump on the first affordable place that comes up.”

“That’s very kind of him.”

“It is,” she smiled, “Tobias is very kind.”

“How long have you known him?”

“Well, I met him during my second year of residency. He was at Kenmore at the time. Actually, he was one of the doctors on the team who found a cure when I was … you know. So be nice to him, mom. You owe my life to him!”

“Casey Rose MacTavish, why on earth gives you the idea that I would not be nice to him.”

“I was joking, Mom. Now, if you were Dad… let’s just say I didn’t envy you having to tell him I was temporarily living with my good friend Tobias.”

“Yeah, well, your dad’s joined the 21st century….”

She and Casey caught each other’s eyes and giggled.

“… to a degree,” Rose finished. “But I think my coming here today will help put his mind at ease. I can tell him you’re not living in a sordid brothel and such.”

“Phew. Well, I’m glad Tobias hid all evidence of that then.” Casey laughed.

“Honestly, I was glad your father had conferences and couldn’t take the day off to join me. He would insist on getting your things, and I would have no way of assuring you that he would not have murdered Ethan. And, while I might excuse that right now, I don’t really want my husband in jail for the rest of my life.”

“So, Dad hates him. What about you?”

Rose sat back and sighed. “I hate what he has done. I hate his behavior and how much he hurt you. But I don’t hate him. I pity him. He’s just so…so… broken. Casey, you gave it your all, and you should be proud of yourself for that, but please know, it’s not your job to fix him.”

“I know,” Casey whispered.

“I’m not worried about you, Casey. Not long-term. I know it hurts like hell, and it won’t be easy to move past it, but you will. You will heal because of who you are and the love and support you have surrounding you. I’ve already seen you laugh and smile today, sure, it might be a little superficial right now, but that’s just temporary. You will be happy, you will laugh with your friends, you will find love again, you will have a full life. I’m sure of it.”

“But Mom,” Casey said with her lip trembling, “what if it was Ethan. I really thought he was it for me. What if he is the love of my life, and now, I’ve lost him forever.”

“Casey, honey, the love of your life would not treat you that way. Under any circumstances.”

“So, maybe I’m not the love of his life; that doesn’t mean he’s not the love of mine.”

“Casey, listen to me. I know Ethan loves and you love him, but, baby, he has to want to fix himself. If he doesn’t, his shattered pieces will only continue to cut you and, frankly, I’m not OK with that. I forgave him in the past, but how many times do you forgive the same thing? He’s stuck… but it’s by his own design. He is stuck, but you don't have to be. ”

“Mom,” Casey said, sitting up straight and leaning in closer, “I never told you this, but not long before… not long before he ended it… I found an engagement ring in his closet. I wasn’t snooping, he asked me to find something for him, and I guess he forgot he left it out… Mom… I thought he was going to propose to me, and instead, he threw me aside like I never meant a thing.”

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. I’m so, I never said anything, for obvious reasons, but your Dad & I knew he was planning on proposing, that’s why this came as twice the shock to us as well.”

Casey’s eyes widened, “Wait… you knew?”

“Yes, when we visited, and he asked your Dad to join him… to get ice. Well, he didn’t ask for your hand because he was smart enough to know you’d kill him for that kind of misogynistic BS, but he did share how much he… he loved you and that he intended to propose.”

Casey didn’t cry; she just stared straight ahead. “Well, I guess that solves that riddle. After everything that happened, I had to wonder, maybe the ring wasn’t intended for me? Perhaps it was something he had for someone else in the past but… no, it was supposed to be mine. No matter, it’s not anymore. I guess we just never know what tomorrow holds, do we?”

“No, we don’t. So, we live in today, but we can still dream about tomorrow… and I know you’ll be OK.”

Casey and Rose sat on the balcony talking for hours. She realized her Mom was right, Tobias was right, it wouldn’t be overnight, but she would be OK. Right now, nothing felt normal to her, so even seeing the people she loved came with some anxiety, but the more she did it, the more she felt the love and support that would help guide her forward. She felt stronger, but the idea of seeing Ethan again was still more than her heart could bear, and she would have to do it soon.

“Hello,” Tobias yelled; his typically boisterous voice sounded small coming from so far away.

Casey smiled and jumped up from her seat. “Oh, sounds like Tobias is back. Come on, let’s go in.”

Rose raised an eyebrow slightly, noting how much Casey’s mood seemed to lift upon his return.

“Hey, you’re back!”

“That I am. Do you need more time alone? I’m happy to get out of your hair longer if you wish.”

“Oh, no!” Rose answered.

“Don’t be silly! It was gracious of you to leave us here alone to begin with!”

“It was nothing. I was going to start dinner. Will you be joining us for, Rose?”

“As much as I would love to, my train is leaving at 6:00. So, I have to be going soon.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. But you have an open invitation. You and Mr. MacTavish need to come back soon. You haven’t lived until you’ve had my eggplant parmigiana.”

“He’s actually not wrong,” Casey agreed.

“I’ll be sure to mention that to him,” Rose smiled. “Uhm, Casey, if it is OK with you, could I speak with Tobias alone for a moment.”

Casey’s eyes went wide.

“Mom. You have got to be kidding me? Please tell me you are not seriously going to interrogate Tobias because your almost 29-year-old daughter, who is a doctor and has lived on her own for the past 10 years, is staying with him!”

Not flapped at all, Tobias turned to Casey.

“If it makes your mom feel more comfortable about you staying here, she can interrogate me all she wants. It’s OK with me, Casey.”

“Tobias! Absolutely not! Do not side with her on this!”

“Rose, what can I answer for you?” he said while winking at Casey.

“T! You can’t be serious!”

“Would you feel better if you stayed?” Tobias asked Casey.

“Oh, God no!! OK, fine, I quit. Clearly, you two are ganging on me, so I’ll go to my room. Like a freaking 12-year-old! Unbelievable!!” she muttered, walking down the hall to her bedroom.

“Casey, I love you!” her mom laughed as she walked away.

Rose turned around and saw Tobias laughing. She was growing to like him.

“So, what will it be Rose? Can I get you anything to drink before we begin the cross-examination?”

“Are you trying to get me tipsy so I will falter on my line of questioning, Tobias?”

“Oofff! I see the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree here” he laughed. “I’m suddenly envious of your husband; he's had the pleasure of having two of you in his life. But I'm also sympathetic toward the man because… damn, he has been outnumbered, hasn’t he?”

Tobias’s eyes twinkled, and Rose smiled gently at him before he continued.

“But seriously, ask me anything. But before you begin, may I say something?”

“Of course.”

“I understand how Casey staying with some guy you barely know while she is going through something so unexpected and devastating could cause you and your husband to worry. Especially when you factor in that you almost lost her last year. I also know that Casey is 28 to the world; hey, I’m 37 to the world, but not to my mom. Just know two things, first, Casey has a great head on her shoulders, even when she’s going through shit like this, so there is no reason to not trust her judgment; second,” he paused for a moment before looking at Rose with complete sincerity, “Casey is one of the most important people in my life. She is a dear friend and there is nothing I would not do for her. I am not some lecherous pervert who is just trying to get a pretty young woman into my lair. I gave up that behavior at least 2 or 3 years ago. Now, with that out of the way, please feel free to pepper me with any questions you may have.”

“Tobias Carrick, I hope I’m not wrong, but you appear to be one of the most genuine people I have ever met, there doesn’t seem to be a pretense about that, and I like that. I’m a relatively good judge of character. Still, you’ll forgive my husband and me if we feel like our judgment meter is off just a bit… in light of recent events. I believe you are a good friend to my daughter, and I want to say thank you.”

“You’re welcome, but… you never have to thank me for taking care of Casey.”

She extended her hand, “It was very nice to meet you, Tobias. I will let my husband know he doesn’t need to come up here to threaten you, at least not right now.”

“Well, that’s always appreciated, and hopefully, that won’t change,” he said with a grin. “CASEY! You can come out now.”

Casey walked down the hall, shaking her head. “You know, really, you’re both lucky I love you so much because… this … this doesn’t happen again. OK?”

Rose kissed her daughter’s head. “Baby girl, one day I hope you have your own baby girl, and then you’ll understand.

____________________

After Rose left, Casey plopped down on the couch and threw a pillow across the room at Tobias.

“I can’t believe you! Whose side are you on anyway.”

He laughed, “I’m on your side. Always yours, Casey.”

“Hmmm, it sure didn’t seem like it.”

“Ahh, but you’re wrong. Your Mom loves you and wants to know your safe. You can’t fault her for that. Now, if I treat her respectfully and do my best to show her I’m not a mass murderer, she’ll be at ease and leave you alone. If I don’t, she will be calling you six times a day to make sure you’re not my latest victim. So, you see, I am always on your side.”

“Are you sure I’m not going to be your latest victim?”

“Nah, I like having you around too much. Now, dinner?”

“Sure, what are we doing?”

“We are not doing anything. I will whip us up a quick stir-fry, and I will serve it to you on the balcony. Let’s enjoy it for as long as we can before it gets too cold.”

“You spoil me.”

He winked at her, “I like to. Now, pick out a wine, take two glasses and get ….”

“You drive a hard bargain, Carrick!”

After dinner, Casey insisted on cleaning up, but Tobias told her to limit that to bringing the dishes back inside. It was a gorgeous fall evening and he wanted them to enjoy it. He set the two comfy chairs up to face the skyline and brought a blanket out because he knew Casey would be cold within 15-minutes. When she returned, she plopped into her chair, and Tobias poured each a new glass of wine. He saw her rubbing her arms, even though she was wearing one of his thickest sweatshirts. He smirked as he pulled the blanket from the table beside him and handed it to her.

“How, how did you know?”

“I’m observant. It’s what we do for a living, Case.”

“Yeah, well, I’m a little off my game right now.”

“We’re all off our game a little at some point or another. It’s called life. Don’t sweat it, you’ll be fine. Did you have a nice visit with your Mom?”

Casey broke into a warm smile. “Yeah, it was very nice. She wants me to go down to Philly and spend some time with them soon. Maybe you could join me?”

“If we can get the time off together, sure, I’d like that. I can see all the places that made Dr. Casey MacTavish the badass she is.”

Casey laughed. “You met the reason I’m badass today.”

“Your Mom seems like good people. The two of you have a lot of similarities.”

“She’s OK,” she laughed. “I still can’t believe she interrogated you like I was a freaking five-year-old.”

“Stop! We talked about it; it’s done. In fact, I kind of like to see it.”

“You do?”

“Yes, I like to know that your folks have your back like that. That’s never a bad thing.”

“Hmm. Well, now that you’ve gotten to meet the formidable Rose MacTavish, I deserve some leverage. Tell me about your mom. All I really know is that she’s a nurse. Are you guys close?”

“Yeah, we are. My mother is a strong, badass woman. You see, I have a type,” he chuckled, “She’s semi-retired now, so she’s always traveling or off on some adventure. We’re both very independent, and because of that, we don’t see each other as much as we should. But the holidays aren’t too far away, so I’ll definitely see her then.”

“Do you usually go home, or does she come here?”

“Either. And some years we just meet up at a resort someplace, we’re not exactly traditionalists.”

“Oooh! So where to this year? Hawaii? The Maldives? And more importantly, you are taking me, right? Because I want to meet her, even if it’s just here in Boston.”

Tobias laughed, nearly spitting out his wine. “Oh, that would be a dangerous proposition, Casey.”

“Dangerous? How?"

“Any time my mom has met a woman I know, be it a friend, neighbor, it doesn’t matter, but if she likes them? Within a week, she has a full-scale campaign going for me to get them to the altar. I’m not joking. Then I have to hear about how I’m almost 40, and she has no grandchildren. It’s brutal. And trust me, she will not like you, Casey. She will love you.”

“Aww. That’s so sweet.”

“Yeah,” he laughed, “that’s one word for it.”

“So, your Mom meets me, succumbs to my charms, and insists you propose to me. Would that be the worst thing in the world, T? Being married to me?” Casey batted her eyes at him teasingly.

Tobias snorted as a shy grin fell upon his lips. “I could think of a lot worse things, Case.”

Casey giggled, “A ringing endorsement! What do you think we’d be like, T? As a married couple?”

Tobias took a sip of his wine.

“You and me? Happy.”

Casey smiled gently. Tobias noticed her cheeks turned bright red upon his answer.

“We probably would be. Hey, maybe we can make one of those pacts, you know, we pick a date, and if neither of us is married by that time, then we have to marry each other.”

He laughed, “Well, I’d love to, but I already have such a pact in place with Emma Rosenberg. I made that pledge to her in the fourth grade. Sorry, Case. You’re late.”

“Hmmm. So, is Emma my competition?”

“She is.”

“Is Emma married?”

“Actually, yes.”

“Then Emma is out, and I, Tobias Carrick, am in.”

“OK, Casey, you’re it. Just please, don’t tell my mom.”

Tobias looked at his watch.

“Hey, I told Bryce I’d meet him at Donahue’s at 7:30. Why don’t you come along with me?”

“Oh, no, T. I’m going to sit this one out.”

“Are you sure? It would be good to get out a little, and you’re going back to work the day after tomorrow. Maybe it will be good to see some coworkers before then.”

“I’m supposed to be out sick, remember?”

“The only people who know that are on the diagnostic team, Case. You know I don’t care. Harper sure as hell won’t be there, and…” he trailed off. Stupid move, Carrick.

“… and Ethan,” she finished.

“Well, with all due respect, fuck what Ethan thinks about it. You are allowed to see your friends and have some fun.”

“It’s just… the thought of running into him….”

He sees the look of fear that comes upon her face.

“Look, Case, you don’t have to go. But if you do, you know your friends and I will create a force field around you.”

She smiled. “You know what, I can’t hide inside forever, and if the whole gang is going to be there tonight, well, that’s the most protected I will ever be.”

“Damn right.”

“Sure, I’ll go. Oh, but there is one problem….”

“What’s that?”

“I still haven’t gotten my things, so I don’t have clothes.”

Tobias laughed, “You’re not naked now?”

“Yes, but I got crap all over my shirt.”

“Then go and raid my closet. I’m sure you can find something that will work in there.”

“OK. I can pick anything?”

“Yeah, I mean, I’d prefer if you would refrain from disturbing my tuxes, but other than that, have at it.”

Casey trotted off to ransack Tobias’s closet and selected a vintage (aka, from the time he attended) Johns Hopkin's sweatshirt and a plain, blue baseball cap. She didn’t have time to fix her hair, so she thought that would look cute over a ponytail. Tobias chuckled when she walked into the living room.

“OK, that’s it. If I look that bad, I’m not going.”

“Wait. First, you normally show up at Donahue’s wearing your scrubs after a shift, so stop. Second, you never look bad. Third, I only chuckled because you look freaking adorable.”

“You’re lying your ass off. But I already promised Jackie and Si that I’d join you, so now I’m stuck.”

He grabbed his car keys off the counter and walked up to Casey. He looked down at her and the two engaged in a stare-off. Finally, he smiled and lifted his hand to poke her nose.

“I never lie about adorable. Now let’s go.”

____________________

Tobias could feel Casey’s tension increasing with each step as they neared Donahue’s. He stopped in his tracks and looked at her, “What can I do to help?”

“Take me back home.”

Their eyes locked in recognition for a moment. Home. Each of them was a little taken aback at how quickly Casey had come to consider Tobias’s apartment to be home.

“If you really want to go… home … I’ll take you back right now.”

“I want to feel like I can go in there. But I don’t know how.”

“Want me to go scope the place first?”

She snapped her neck, “Could you, T? I’m… I’m just not ready to see Ethan. If I can get back to our booth, I’ll be OK.”

“I’ll scope it out. For now, just pull the baseball cap down, slugger, and no one will recognize you.”

“Oh, you’re funny. You’ve got jokes now,” she said with a grin.

Tobias smiled. God, how he dreamed of kissing her at moments like this.

“I’ll be right back.”

He returned a minute later, “Coast is clear, slugger. Let’s go.”

Casey was still apprehensive.

“You’re still covering me until I’m at the table,” she said, grasping his arm.

“Always, Sweetheart, always.”

“Well, look who we have here!” Bryce yelled as he saw them walk toward the booth.

“Well don’t you look adorable?” he said, grabbing Casey and giving her a hug.

Tobias looked at Casey with a shrug, “I told you!”

“Well, I’m approaching thirty. I guess I have to be OK with adorable beginning to substitute for hot,” Casey laughed.

“Oh, fuck that!” Jackie yelled. “I’m going for hot until the day I die. Then I’m going to be cremated, so I can go out hot as well.”

Casey hugged her. “Well, what would you give my look tonight on the hotness scale, Jack?”

“Girl, it’s hot AF! I am even willing to be seen in public with you … so?”

“I’m so glad you decided to come out, Case,” Bryce whispered. “Now, go sit in the booth. We’ve got you covered.”

“What the hell would I ever do without all of you?”

“Lucky for you, you’ll never have to find out.”

Casey sat across from Jackie as Tobias made his way to the table. He was about to sit next to Jackie when Casey shot him a dirty look.

“What, afraid to be seen with me looking like this, Carrick?”

He smirked as he took his leg out from the opposite side of the booth. Moving to the other side of the table, he slid in next to Casey.

“That’s a cheap shot, MacTavish. If you want to sit next to the best-looking guy in the bar, all you have to do is say so.”

“Well, if that’s what she wants, then you will need to get up to make room for me,” Bryce as he slid in next to Jackie.

“Oh, and to think I almost stayed home and missed all this!” Casey laughed.

Home.

Eventually, Sienna, Raf, and Aurora showed up and squeezed into the booth leaving Casey squashed up against the wall. Surrounded by her friends and with quite a few drinks put under her belt, Casey began to feel a bit more like her old self. It was hard to determine who was happier about this, Casey or her friends.

Sometime later, Ethan entered the packed bar through the front door and his eyes immediately fell upon Casey. Given the noise and chaos, the average person would not have noticed her at such a distance, but Ethan wasn’t your average person. He would be able to spot that smile and hear that laugh no matter how many people were present and no matter how raucous the surroundings. He knew he’d see her here eventually, but he was surprised it was this soon, and he realized how selfish that made him out to be. Was she supposed to sit home in mourning? Wasn’t he out as well? He claimed to want her happiness, so why wasn’t he happy to see her out with friends, with a smile on her face.

He sat down and ordered his drink. He had only seen her for a few seconds, but he remembered every detail as if he had studied her at length. She sat in the corner of the booth, flush between the wall and Tobias. She leaned across him to talk into Sienna’s ear. He was laughing with them. She wore a baseball cap, which was odd for her. He probably wouldn’t have even recognized her except for… oh, who is he kidding, he would recognize her anywhere. He trained his ear in her direction as Bryce animatedly retold a story of an unruly patient. Everyone laughed, but Casey’s laugh shone above them all. Against his better judgment, he inconspicuously turned his head to take a second look at her. She was speaking with Tobias, smiling and her head turned toward him. She did not detect Ethan's staring, but he immediately turned away when he caught Sienna’s fiery eyes.

Sienna leaned across Tobias and whispered into Casey’s ear.

“Case, I don’t want to upset you, but Ethan is sitting at the bar. I just wanted to let you know.”

Casey did not lift her eyes to look at him.

“Do you want to go?” Tobias asked her.

“No. No,” Casey said. “I am here with my friends. I have every right to be here too. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good for you!” Sienna said.

Tobias motioned to the others, so they were aware as well.

“Case, do you want to switch seats with me, so you don’t have to face that direction?” Raf asked.

“Thanks, Raf. But unless something weird happens. I’ll just stay here.”

The night continued, but there was a marked change in Casey’s demeanor.

“I see a few friends from Pediatrics. I’m going to go say hello. I’ll be back,” Sienna announced.

Tobias moved over, giving himself and Casey a little more room until she returned.

“You, OK?” He mouthed to Casey. She nodded and replied with a gentle smile.

“Raf, maybe we should….”

“Switch seats,” he said.

“I’m one step ahead of you. Walk with me to the jukebox. We will switch when we get back.”

Casey smiled appreciatively and walked off with Raf.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there last night, Casey. How are you doing?”

“I’m taking it a minute at a time, Raf. Thank you.”

“That’s actually the best thing that you can do.” He said, giving her a tight squeeze. “Now, since we’re at the jukebox… what song shall I play for you.”

“Oh, I really don’t care…” she said.

“Pick…”

“I can’t….”

Raf smiled gently, “Then, Thank U, Next it is…"

“Raf, you didn’t!” Casey said, half laughing, half crying.

He smiled at her, “Oh, I did. Now, go take my seat. I’ll be over in a few.”

“I hate you, Raf.”

“No, you don’t,” he laughed.

Casey made her way back to the table, rather pleased with herself for walking in Donahue’s unattended when she knew Ethan was there. A proud smile spread across her lips. When she returned to the table, someone had taken her seat.

“Oh. Hi.…” Casey said.

She nearly followed with ‘you took my seat,’ but she thought better of it, especially since the whole point of her jukebox excursion was to take Rafael’s seat.

“Casey,” Tobias said uncomfortably, motioning to the pretty, petite brunette at his side, “This is Laura. Laura, this is Casey.”

“Oh, Laura… oh, hi.”

Laura extended her hand, “Nice to meet you, Casey.”

“Likewise.”

An awkward silence overcame the booth.

“You know, I think we need more drinks. Anyone up for shots?” Jackie asked.

“Oh, fuck, yes,” Casey replied, entirely too soon.

“Scoot over, Case,” Bryce said, “I’ll go get them. Laura, are you joining us?”

“Sure, I’ll join you for one before I go back to my friends.”

“So, Laura, you’re a nurse at Kenmore?” Jackie said, trying to break the silence.

“Yes, and you’re all physicians at Edenbrook?”

“Well, all but scalpel jockey over there… he’s just a meathead,” Jackie laughed.

Sienna returned to the table, “Oh, hi, I’m Sienna. Who is this?”

“This is Laura,” Jackie replied.

“Laura is a ….” Tobias started.

“Laura is waiting for Tobias to text her back since he blew off their date two days ago,” Laura said with a laugh. “I’m only joking. You all just seem entirely too tense.”

“Well, this should fix that RIGHT up,” Bryce said, handing everyone a shot glass. “One for everyone, except for Casey, who, in light of current events, gets two.”

“Thank God because I need them.”

“Current events?” Laura asked.

“I’m pregnant,” Casey answered.

Everyone laughed.

“Our tradition is that if anyone in the group has a breakup, they get double shots for the next few outings until the group deems that they are no longer needed.”

“Oh, you had a break-up?” Laura asked.

“Yeah, that’s me!” Casey said, downing one shot. “Now that I got my bonus round out of the way can someone, please toast something so I can down the next one, fast.”

“Can I do it?” Laura asked.

“Sure,” Sienna nodded.

“To Casey, may she move on to better things.”

“GOOD ONE!” Bryce yelled, “To CASEY, moving on to better things!”

Oh, that was a bit too loud. Casey thought. But she gladly downed the shot.

“Jackie? Dance?”

“You want to dance? You’re wearing a freaking sweatshirt… I have a reputation to uphold.”

Casey’s shoulders drooped as she glared at Jackie.

“And if my reputation can’t withstand dancing with someone in a Hopkin’s sweatshirt, then that’s no one’s fault but my own. Excuse me.” Jackie said as she slid out of the booth.

Casey began walking toward the patio door.

“Casey, the dance floor is this way….”

Casey glared at Jackie, imploring her to follow.

“Or we can dance out there too.”

“AAARRRRGGGGHHH!” Casey bellowed as soon as they were outside.

“Casey, you OK?”

“Do I sound OK?”

“No.”

“I want to go home.”

“OK, well, I’m sure T will….”

“T is inside with Laura.”

“Yeah, well, she seems cool. She is with her friends. She just stopped by to say hello. I’m sure he’ll be free in a few.”

“Besides, I don’t really want to go. What I want is to get totally shitfaced.”

“I’m always down for that, but maybe with Eth….”

“Fuck Ethan. FUCK Ethan, OK, Jackie. If he sees me get plastered, then let him fucking see me get plastered.”

“Well, I have no problem with that attitude right there. Want me to go get you another drink.”

“No. No. You know what, I will! I’m going to the goddamned bar, and I am ordering the next round of shots for the table. Fuck Ethan, and fuck anyone else who doesn’t like it.”

“I don’t think anyone else has a problem….” Jackie said as Casey stomped toward the door.

“Are you COMING?” Casey yelled back.

“Of course!” Jackie said, running at her feet.

Everyone in the friend’s booth flung their heads in Casey’s direction as she burst through the door, passed the booth heading directly toward the bar.

On her heels, Jackie turned her head toward her friends, “It was going entirely too good, guys. She’s going to the bar too…aack.”

Jackie crashed right into Casey, who had stopped short. Both women tripped, just shy of falling.

Casey stopped cold in her tracks when she saw Ethan at the bar with Floria at his side. He looked miserable. He was staring directly ahead. But he was sitting next to fucking Floria.

Casey turned around and looked at Jackie, large tears forming in her eyes.

“Casey, do you want to leave.”

“Yes.”

Tobias jumped out from his seat, “Case, Hun, why don’t you go sit on the patio with Jackie. I’ll go get the car and we will get you out of here.”

“No,” Casey said, grabbing Tobias’s wrist as he passed her, “I don’t want to go….”

“But you just said….”

“I don’t want to, but….”

Tobias could tell Casey was just about to fall apart. He looked at Bryce and motioned toward Casey.

“No. No Tobias, I know you want to help, but this has to be my choice. Drunk, emotionally unstable Casey gets to decide if she stays or goes.”

“Drunk, emotionally unstable Casey has my full support, just ask her what she wants, please,” he replied.

“Right now, I want to sit in my booth.”

Bryce patted the seat next to him, “There is space with your name on it right here.”

Laura smiled, “Guys, it was very nice meeting you all. Casey, I hope everything is better for you real soon.”

“Thank you, I’m not usually this much of a basket case.”

“That’s the booze talking. She’s been somewhat unstable for the past three years,” Jackie said while shrugging at Laura.

Laura laughed and placed a hand on Casey’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, I don’t believe her.”

Laura walked over to Tobias.

“Laura, I’m sorry, can I call you tom….”

“Casey is your friend, the one you needed your help the night of our date, isn’t she?”

“Yes.”

“And she’s staying with you now?”

“Yes.”

“And that’s your sweatshirt… Hopkin’s… I remembered,” she said with a smile.

“Yes, it is, but it’s not like that, Laura, she….”

“Tobias. You’re a really nice guy. I had a great time with you and, I won’t lie, you’re kind of hot. So, if things settle down and you find yourself willingly single again. You have my number, don’t hesitate to call it. But,” she reached up and gave him a kiss on the cheek and then whispered in his ear, “give her some time to heal. Don’t rush it, but I see how you two look at each other. I think you totally have a chance.” She patted his cheek and smiled, “Good luck, Tobias.”

Tobias was rendered speechless. First, how did she see it? Second, dam, she really was cool. Third, and most importantly, did he have a shot? He shook it off and returned to the table.

“So, have we decided what we are going to do?”

“Why did Laura leave?” Casey asked.

“She’s here with her friends.”

“I liked her.”

“Apparently, she liked you too.”

Bryce whispered in Tobias's ear, “I know this is highly inappropriate, and the timing is bad and all, but if you end up with both of them, I’m going to fucking kick your ass.”

“Bryce?”

“Yes, T?”

“You’re cut off too.”

Tobias called the waitress to the table, “I think we’re switching over to water at this table. Can you help us out?”

The waitress smiled and nodded.

Tobias followed Casey’s eyes. They moved back to the bar where Ethan was, once again, sitting alone.

Moments earlier at the bar

“How you doing, friend? You are looking out of sorts tonight,” Reggie said, taking another empty glass from Ethan.

“I’m doing great, Reg.”

“Now, I know that’s a lie,” Reggie eyed Casey’s table.

“How long have you known me, Reggie?”

“Over a decade now. Which is precisely why I know you’re not OK.”

“I will..”

“Ethan, what are you doing here?”

Ethan turned to see Floria sitting on the barstool to his left.

“Drinking.”

She laughed, “I figured as much. I came with a few friends from work. They’re sitting over there….”

Ethan looked straight ahead without replying.

“I just thought I would say hi. You look… glum.”

Ethan emptied the contents of his glass and placed it on the counter in front of him, motioning to Reggie for another.

“And now, I am even glummer.”

“I’m sorry, Ethan, I won’t bother you, I just… I just wanted to see if you were OK.”

Silence.

“Well, I think I’ll be going…” left to join her friends

Back at the friend’s booth

Casey continued to stare at Ethan.

“Case, you, ok?” Tobias asked.

“Mmm-hmm.”

Ethan looked over and his eyes locked with hers. She stood up.

“Casey, where are you going?” Jackie asked.

“I’ll be right back.”

Anxiety and alcohol were a bad combination and Casey felt wobly on her legs, but she didn't let that stop her from walking confidently toward Ethan.

“Should one of us go to her?” Sienna asked.

“No, she can handle herself. We’re here if she needs us,” Tobias answered.

Casey looked into Ethan’s eyes, and she felt as if she were going to fall apart. There is no way he could have missed it on her face, but she kept her composure and did her best to look strong.

His heart nearly stopped as he saw her walking his way. The anguish in both of their eyes was apparent, though both tried to ensure the other did not see it.

They stood silently staring at each other for a moment before Casey defiantly crossed her arms and spoke.

“I need my things. When can I have someone pick them up?”

He looked her over from head to toe. Sadness was etched on his face, then a look of surprise.

Hopkin’s? I have that sweatshirt, but I don’t recall giving it to Casey. Could it be... Tobias's? No...

“Ethan, I asked you when can I send someone to pick up my things.”

“Oh, uh, well, I packed everything up for you. So, it will be quick. What time is good for you?”

She shook her head and snorted. “You packed everyth,… you packed ev… wow! You really couldn’t wait to be rid of me, could you?”

“I just thought I’d make things easier for you, Casey.”

She smirked scornfully “Riiight. Because that’s what you’re all about, Ethan, making things better for me. What time can they come by tomorrow?”

“You won’t be coming?”

“I have no desire to step foot into your apartment ever again. What time can they come by tomorrow?”

He reached inside his coat pocket and handed her a key.

“Here is your key. I’ll be gone from 6 until at least midnight. They can stop by anytime. Please ask them to leave the key on the table before they leave.”

“Fine.”

She turned on her heel to walk away.

“Casey, wait…”

She turned her head over her shoulder.

“Are you … alright?”

She was seething. “I told you, Ethan, you forfeited the right to ask me that. But just this once, I will say, no, I’m not alright, not at all. But mark my words, I will be.”

She turned and walked away, not stopping at the table. She walked straight out the back door. Sienna and Jackie followed her.

“Casey,” Sienna yelled, trying to catch up with her.

Casey turned around to look at her friends, then she dropped to her knees and cried. Her friends sat on the floor next to her and cradled he while she wept.

“I’m going to watch the door,” Jackie said, “I don’t want anyone walking out on her like this.”

“That’s a good idea,” Sienna replied.

“Casey, sweetie, how can I help you.”

“I’ll be OK, Si. I’ll be OK,” she cried.

“I know you will be.”

“It was … it was just so hard,” Casey sat up straight and looked at Sienna. “It is harder than I expected it to be… seeing him, you know?”

“I’m sure it will be for a while,” she rubbed Casey’s hands.

“How is it possible, Si? How is it possible to love someone so much and hate them so much at the very same time.”

Jackie walked out with the rest of the friends.

“Hey, they’re going to be closing up in there in a few. How are you holding up, Kid?” Tobias asked.

Casey jumped up off the ground and walked up to him. She placed her head on his shoulder and began to cry. He wrapped her in a hug and rubbed the back of her hair in soothing circles.

“It’s OK, Casey. It’s going to be OK.”

The friends exchanged looks.

“Can you take us home?” Casey whispered to Tobias.

“Of course, I’ll get the car.”

“No,” she said, “I’ll come with you.”

She hugged her friends good night. “It’s OK, guys. It’s OK. I actually meant what I said to him.”

“Which part?” Bryce joked.

“I may not be OK right now,” she looked down and took Tobias’s hand to her right and Sienna’s to her left and squeezed them, “but I will be. I promise you all, I will be.”

“Damn straight,” Jackie said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“T?”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s go.”

_______

Ethan returned to his apartment and looked at the pile of boxes, knowing they wouldn’t be here much longer. It’s for the best.

He went to the living room and started a fire. He took a glass from the kitchen counter and reached for the bottle of scotch... then he put it back and grabbed a bottle of water instead.

He walked to the bedroom and changed his clothes. Before returning inside, he picked Casey’s sweater off from the chair in his room.

He shuffled into the living room and put the sweater over his lap. He watched as the clock turned to midnight before grabbing his leather journal and a pen.

10/1:

Dear Casey,

I knew seeing you would hurt. I underestimated how much.

You were officially moving in today. Now, your friends will take every trace of you away. Well, almost every trace.

I’m forever sorry for letting you in, for letting you go…

But I agree with you, Casey, you will be ok. I know that, and I truly hope it is soon.

Love you, Ethan.

____________________

Tobias and Casey did not speak much on the ride back to the apartment. She was deep in thought, and he wanted to give her the space she needed.

“I’m going to make some chamomile tea before turning in. Would you like a cup?”

“Yeah, that would be nice.”

She sat at the breakfast counter.

“Tobias, I’m sorry if I was a bit out of control tonight.”

“You? You were fine. I’ve been out with quite a few people for their first post-break-up outing with alcohol involved. Trust me, you were just fine. In fact, I was glad to see you get a lot out of your system.”

“Do you think I handled things poorly with Ethan?”

“What do you think?”

“I thought I did OK."

“I agree with you. You did what you needed to do. I’m proud of you for having the nerve to face him and not hiding. I told you, you’re a strong woman, Casey.”

“I meant what I said too. I am going to be OK.”

“I know.”

“But I kind of hope it won’t take too long.”

Tobias laughed as he handed Casey a cup of tea. He stood on the opposite side of the to face her as they drank.

“Casey, don’t rush it. That’s the worst thing you could do. Just let it happen when it should.”

She smiled. “I liked Laura; she seems really cool.”

“Yeah, she does.”

“So, are you taking her out again soon?”

“No.”

“No?”

“No.”

“But, why?”

Tobias sighed and leaned over the counter. “You know Case, it’s just that… it’s not… it’s not something that I want to do right now. I don’t think pushing it is the right thing to do. You know?”

Casey pushed her tea aside, placing her hands on the counter in front of her.

“I do. It’s like you said, just let it happen when it should.”

Their eyes met and they held each other's stares. Tobias was the first to look away. Looking down at the counter, he noticed how close their hands were, practically touching, but he did not move.

“We should probably head to bed. I have an early morning and, you will have a busy day."

Casey slowly moved one of her hands over and placed it on top of Tobias’s. He flipped his palm upward, taking her hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Sleep sounds good,” she smiled. “Do you have any tea left?”

“A mouthful or two, why?”

She lifted her cup and smiled.

“A toast?”

He smirked, “Sure, and what are we toasting to?”

“To just letting things happen when they should,” she said with a smile.

Tobias tapped his cup against Casey's.

“To just letting things happen when they should.”

____________________

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helliontherapscallion · 3 years

Text

Privileges (Adrenaline Junkie Part 11)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: slight description of death/injury/illness, small description of homelessness, slight panic attack

Word count: 2,845

You and Arthur sat at the top of the cliff for a while sitting in silence. Glancing at the sun’s position, you guessed that it’s been a couple of hours. You continued to wait patiently for him to gather his courage that you knew he had. He looked conflicted.

The wild herds of livestock grazed peacefully below you, filling the silence with various moos and oinks. Various flowers colorfully dotted the green grass with multiple shades of vibrant blues, yellows, whites, and reds. The few clouds that littered the baby blue sky rolled endlessly above you, giving you a sense of peace and entertainment when you tried to make out mobs from the abstract shapes. The breeze lightly blew against your skin making you shiver every now and then from the feeling of it working its way through your feathers and hair. It was a perfect day for flying.

While you were waiting, you took out the snacks and water and handed them to Arthur. He originally didn’t want them, but you insisted he at least drink something today. He needed hydration if he was going to sit under the hot sun for hours. Every time he would take a deep breath (which was often), you would perk up and look at him ready to fully divert your attention towards him, only to look elsewhere when he would sigh. You were starting to lose your patience, but you knew you had to hold out for Arthur. That poor kid looks like he’s been through a lot in such a short amount of time.

You mindlessly munched on a granola bar. The chocolate and grain danced on your tastebuds in perfect harmony like an old married couple gleefully waltzing at their grandchild's wedding. Washing down the taste with water, you feel the cool liquid slither it’s way down your throat, relieving parts with it’s refreshing properties. You let your mind wander to your brothers.

Technoblade, ever the individualistic, nonconforming anarchist, lived a couple of hours outside the outskirts of the Dream SMP lands. You visited his house once and it was nice, but you really didn’t like the cold. Your metal prosthetic froze to your amputated wing and it took several painful hours of waiting by the fireplace for it to unstick to your feathers. Techno appeared indifferent of the situation, but you knew he cared deep down. He always was a softie for his family members.

Wilbur was in his element in L’manberg. Leadership came naturally for him, and you were immensely grateful for that. Without him, L’manberg would’ve gone down in history with dishonor. L’manberg was thriving under his just rule. Infrastructure was slowly starting to spread throughout the entirety of the small nation, making it easier to travel. You always flew everywhere, much to the disapproval of Wilbur (“(y/n), can’t you just use the roads I just built?”), so the infrastructure never really affected your daily life. You appreciated that he was working so hard to build his symphony up from measure one to the end. He was truly the heart and soul of his great nation.

Tommy was… well for lack of a better description, Tommy. You were incredibly proud of him, giving up his prized music discs was a gigantic sacrifice for him. It really showed how much he grew up from being the toddler you met a little over a decade ago. Your little brother wreaked havoc in L’manberg, but a good kind of havoc. Tommy and his partner in crime Tubbo were the ones that eased tension during the War. Even after the War, they always actively searched for adventure. They made people smile as they would run past, they knew they were in for a show later on in the day. Tommy and Tubbo gave the nation life outside of its physical growth, they were the morale of the nation.

You supposed that you were somewhat important to L’manberg, but not as important as your brothers. Sure, they used your inventions to help fight Dream and his goons, but they would’ve been able to do that without your creations. Though, it was satisfying to see the looks on their faces when the L’manbergians whipped out the portable TNT launchers and automatic crossbows to absolutely decimate them. You didn’t really supply L’manberg with physical or morale growth, you were just… there. In your cramped workshop. Tinkering endlessly with inventions that you hoped would make people’s lives easier.

“(Y/n), I’m ready.”

You jumped a little, turning to him and giving him what you hoped was an encouraging smile. He took a deep breath, looking anywhere but at you.

“It started when I was seven. Mama and Papa were sick. We didn’t have enough money to pay for a doctor, so me and my brother Hugh were trying our best to take care of them. We weren’t good enough though, they died after a couple weeks.

“People came to take us away from Mama and Papa, but Hugh told me to run away as far as I could. He told me that he’d be right behind me. So, we ran to the woods. He said that he knew a few people that lived there that’d be able to help. We lived with them for three years, they were nice people.

“One day, they needed supplies so me and Hugh went to go find a cave. The cave we found was really pretty, it had tons of redstone and iron. We went deeper and deeper til we found a huger cave. It had tons of feathers there and some red brown stuff on the walls.” You felt a shiver run down your spine as you realized that those were probably yours. You wondered if they were still down there.

His voice started to get strained and wobbly. “A-and we saw it. Hugh told me to hide and not make any noise so I did and… and it killed him.”

Tears steadily dribbled down Arthur’s freckled cheeks as his lip wobbled and his nose turned as red as his hair. He was starting to hyperventilate. You reached over and pulled Arthur into a tight winged hug. You gently rubbed his back and whispered reassurances into his ear.

“It’s alright Arthur, please breathe with me. In,” you took a deep breath, “and out.” You let out the breath. Even though his breath was steady a few minutes later, you still kept him in a tight hug. It absolutely devastated you that he went through so much in his short life. He started sobbing again.

“(Y/n), it took his soul! Hugh’s still down there with it!” He blubbered out.Your hand froze on his shoulder.

What. It can’t take souls, could it? That’s not possible, right? …Right? You were going to have to ask Philza about it, but Arthur is your first and only priority right now. His loud sobs were slightly muffled by your shoulder as you felt your shirt get slightly wet with his tears. You did your best to comfort him, but you weren’t used to comforting a child that just lost his only family.

“I’ll never let that happen to you again. I promise.”

You sat with Arthur protectively wrapped in your arms until you saw that the sun was going to set in the next few minutes. Not good, not good at all. You looked down at Arthur, his eyes were closed in a deep sleep, taking deep shuddering breaths in and out. Good, you needed to get him out of there and you didn’t want to traumatize him anymore than he already is by showing him how mobs react when you’re near them.

You hastily packed up your stuff before taking off as quickly as you could without waking the sleeping boy. You flew as fast as you could through the air, keeping a tight grip on Arthur as you cut through the darkening sky. You could see zombies, skeletons, spiders, and the occasional enderman below you. Luckily, they didn’t notice you as you flew overhead.

Just as the lit up house entered your line of sight, you felt something whiz past you accompanied by a strong gust of wind. Looking down, you realized that it was a skeleton. It shooting an arrow garnered the attention of the surrounding mobs as they turned their heads to look directly at you. Shit.

You pushed yourself to fly faster and twisted your body so that if an arrow were to land, it would hit you and not Arthur. You felt the air around you shift as a myriad of arrows were shot at you. Dodging the best you could, you glanced down at Arthur. Still asleep. Good, he didn’t need to see this.

Getting closer to the house, you lowered yourself to the ground fully and pushed your feet against the grass, running for dear life as you heard a fwoosh of air right next to your ear. FInally, you reached the doorknob and swung the door open. Flinging yourself and Arthur inside, you slammed the door behind you, hearing the banging of arrows hitting the wood.

You leaned against the door panting and closed your eyes, clutching Arthur closer to you in relief. You opened your eyes and peered down at his face. Still asleep? How much of a deep sleeper was this kid? Maybe he was just extremely emotionally tired from earlier. That’s probably how he impossibly slept through all that.

You pushed yourself off the door and headed up to Wilbur’s, well Arthur’s room so you could put him to bed. You peeled the covers back and placed him gently on the mattress. You covered his body with the heavy comforter and tucked him in. His face visibly relaxed and a slight smile quirked onto his lips. You took a deep breath and stood there watching him. That was certainly a close one. Way too close for your tastes. You almost got him killed because you lost track of time.

You swept the bangs out of his eyes and left the room, gently closing the door behind you. You tiredly drug yourself down the stairs to the kitchen so you could at least grab a small snack before passing out in the comfort of your bed. Today was just not your day. At least you’d get a decent night’s sleep tonight.

Walking into the kitchen, you saw Philza sitting at the table looking at you with… was that relief or anger? Or a mix? He stood up and quickly walked over to you. You tensed up, fully expecting to get yelled at, only to feel him hug you. You melted into his touch and felt small tears prick at the corner of your eyes. You really needed a hug after today.

“Don’t ever do that again. I don’t care that you’re an adult, do you know how worried I was? I thought you and Arthur got hurt. He’s just a child and you’re on your last life (y/n). You need to be more careful.”

You didn’t say anything. You just buried your face into his shoulder and let out a silent sob. “I was so scared Arthur was gonna get hurt, I didn’t know what to do.”

The emotion you were holding in all day from sleep deprivation and lack of nutrients completely spilled out. You felt pathetic, crying in your dad’s arms like you were a kid again. He rubbed soothing circles on your back and led you to the couch where you both sat in each other’s arms. Once you calmed down, you pulled away and wiped at your eyes, facing away from him so he didn’t see your weakness.

“I’m sorry, I just didn’t sleep at all last night and everything just… came out.”

“Hey,” he chided gently, making you look at him, “don’t apologize for feeling emotions. You were bottling it all up weren’t you?”

You nodded shamefully. “...And what did I tell you and your brothers about holding it in?”

“Not to do it.” Your croaky voice cracked out.

He smiled at you. “That’s my kid. Did you talk to Arthur?”

“Yeah. He’s actually alone, Dad. He doesn’t have anyone out there for him. And he… he said that they saw my feathers and blood down there on the walls and floor. Saw his brother get killed right in front of him… mentioned something about The Warden stealing his brother’s soul? It can’t do that right?”

You were met with silence. “...Right? Dad, you’re scaring me.”

“Yes, The Warden takes the souls of it’s dead. It’s how they live so long, they trap the souls in their chests and feast on the lifespans in rations until the soul is completely integrated into it’s very being.”

So that’s what the screaming white wisps that haunted your nightmares were. They were the souls of the dead. They were screaming in agony when The Warden killed you, so you thought they still held onto their humanity. You remembered hearing thousands of screams echoing off from the stony walls of the dark cave. Shuttering, you remembered how some of the souls stared at you in desperation and despair.

“...So the souls are trapped with it forever?”

He nodded, not looking at you. The Warden killed you in your first life, why were you still… still you? It doesn’t make sense.

You swallowed thickly. “Then why didn’t it take mine?”

“I don’t know hun, I wish I could tell you why. I thought you died for good before you respawned. I thought it took your soul.” His voice cracked slightly at the end.

You pulled him into a hug. “It didn’t and I’m still here. That’s the important part, Dad. I’m still here.”

Continuing to give him comfort, you trailed off as you remembered your first death. What could’ve prevented it from taking your soul like the rest? You blanched thinking about what it would’ve been like to be stuck with The Warden indefinitely. Trapped and suffering until it was fully integrated into it’s monstrous body for the rest of eternity. It sounded like hell on Earth. Before today, you thought death was the absolute worst outcome, but you were mistaken. You were given the mercy, no the privilege, of death that day.

Was it because of the stone platform you landed on? That must’ve been it, there’s no other way you could’ve respawned if you landed anywhere else; the stone platform was the only space you could’ve landed that was far enough above the ground to bleed out. You remembered how your shattered ribs would grind together as you endlessly sobbed and the hot blood dripping off from your forehead and wing warming up your rapidly cooling form. Dying like that was a privilege compared to what the lost souls of the miners endured. You didn’t know how long they’ve been in there, but you still would rather die like that a thousand times over than have to be trapped inside that thing for all of eternity.

Your thought process was interrupted as Philza pulled away and wiped the tears from his eyes. His eyes were bloodshot and his face was slightly blotchy, it’s been a while since you’ve seen him like that. He’s always been strong for you and your brothers.

“...Why don’t we grab some dinner before we go to bed, I assume you didn’t eat…?”

His sheepish look gave you all the answers you needed. “There’s some leftover mushroom soup we could eat.”

You stood up and gave him a bright smile. “Let’s dig in then, I’m starving!”

He laughed as you pulled him off the couch and into the kitchen. “Did you eat anything after breakfast?”

You paused slightly then continued to pour the soup into two bowls. “...That’s not important.”

He pursed his lips. “(Y/n).”

“I had like a quarter of a granola bar if that counts.”

“(Y/n) you went through the day with only half your breakfast and a few cups of coffee in your system?”

“I know, I know, not healthy. But that still doesn’t take away from the fact that you didn’t eat dinner either.” You slid the bowl over to him across the table.

His eyes narrowed in thought before he sighed in defeat. “Touché.”

You snorted and started to eat your soup. You hummed as the earthy flavor shimmied around in your mouth comforting you after today’s events. You automatically felt better after eating. You always found comfort in food. Before you knew it, both you and Philza were done with your dinners and were leaning back in your chairs. You felt your eyes start to droop against your will.

“Why don’t you go to bed and I can clean up. You look like you’re gonna pass out.” He snickered. You hummed in agreement, too tired to argue and murmured out a quiet “thanks. G’night, love ya.” You drug your feet up the stairs and plop down on your bed, passing out instantly as soon as your head hit the pillow.

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neoculturetravesty · 3 years

Text

We met in online class - Part 9

Image adapted from here.

Pairing: Renjun x Reader Genre: College AU, romance, angst, fluff Warnings: Strong language, fist fight, a character has Covid-19 Word Count: 5.2k

A/N: So proud of the boys for breaking records with Hot Sauce 🥺💛 Also, Eid Mubarak to all who celebrate!

Renjun is ashamed to be surprised, but his friends remain true to their word.

That night, Renjun slept for what he’s sure was a good fourteen hours. Because by the time he woke, it was way in the afternoon. Jaemin was already back from his shift and Jeno was almost halfway through his. Jisung had insisted that Renjun get some more rest before he had to take over. It was a tiny bit disconcerting to have Jisung hovering over him the entire day to make sure he was eating and feeling okay, but Renjun had to admit--this was exactly what he needed. He didn’t like who he was when he was alone.

The boys had apparently even created a dedicated group chat where they would post updates and a list of things that were required at the hospital. Not that there was much required, anyway. But the boys would make sure that at the very least, Renjun’s mom had fresh clothes and home cooked food everyday while she couldn’t get out herself. Jaemin had even taken Renjun’s phone and gotten it fixed so he at least had a proper screen instead of a cracked one.

Even when Renjun was sure that he could take over on his own, the boys wouldn’t allow it. On many occasions, he had just stayed by them during their turns, thankful for their company and their friendship. Because who else in this world would spend their semester break in this fashion? He’s pretty sure they had plans; but they had forsaken them all to be there for him.

Renjun has no idea how it happens, but slowly and surely, things start to get better. He’s pretty certain it has to be some sort of a miracle. Like a little break of sunshine had finally decided to shine on him through the dark clouds. Like somehow, his guardian angel had decided that it had slacked off for long enough and now it should give Renjun a break. Because one day, the doctors tell them that Renjun’s grandmother will be a lot weaker for the next few days to come… but with a lot of care and attention, she should be ready to go home. They echo Renjun’s thoughts and tell them that it is nothing short of a miracle, but also that he should be thankful that his grandmother is still young and has a fighting spirit.

The day she is taken off of life support and brought into another room with a window through which he can see her, Renjun can’t hold himself back. He hugs onto Jaemin so tight and cries happy tears, and Jaemin holds him back just as strong, though he’s sure that he’s so overwhelmed by relief that he’s putting all of his weight onto the boy. But Jaemin doesn’t relent and holds onto him and lets him cry tears of joy into his shoulder.

The boys head home that night and laugh till they cry and celebrate Renjun’s grandma’s life and health. They eat like they had been hungry for days and slump their shoulders in ease like they had been keeping them tense for too long. They laugh and they sit together and keep letting out long sighs of relief, as if each breath was undoing a knot in their chest. It’s a sweet, victorious sort of a happy moment, and it is Jeno who has to remind them they need to focus now more than ever so that Renjun’s grandma can get her strength back and finally test negative. And it is an important reminder because the new semester is about to begin soon and given classes, they will have to redo their hospital visit schedules.

At the very least, they learn that the new semester would begin online, because the sudden surge in Covid cases had led them to another lockdown. Renjun’s not sure whether he should be happy or upset about it. On the one hand, he thinks this lockdown should’ve happened earlier so his grandma would’ve never gotten sick in the first place. On the other hand, he is happy that his grandma would now be safe and recover comfortably.

When classes begin and Renjun finds all his housemates at home, his heart drops a little and he wonders if he should just skip today. But an amused Jeno mutes himself during his online class and stops him.

“You have other friends, too, you know?” Jeno cocks an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, but I’m sure they have classes, too. Plus, the four of us have been doing this from the beginning, so… I don’t know…” Renjun says, rubbing the back of his neck, feeling a bit nervous about leaving his mother and grandma on their own without help. But Jeno looks at him like he’s talking gibberish.

“Dude. Not the four of us. All seven of us have been doing this from the very beginning.” Jeno says, eyebrow still cocked, looking at Renjun like he’s sure he’s lost his mind.

Renjun looks up and for a moment, he is sure his face looks dumb. Because if the buffering wheel was a human expression, Renjun’s certain he’s wearing it now. “All… seven?”

“Do you even check the group chat? Chenle and Mark and Donghyuck. They’ve all been doing their duty from Day 1, you idiot. How else would the rest of us come home so early?” Jeno scoffs and laughs a bit, knotting his eyebrows at his clueless friend.

For a moment, Renjun is silenced. Because he doesn’t know how to process this information. He feels a swell in his chest. A sort of happiness that only true friendship brings. But at the same time, he feels an incredible pang of guilt, because for one, he is an asshole that keeps underestimating the said friendship. And for the other, he had done absolutely nothing to be deserving of such love.

“Dong… Donghyuck, too?” Renjun asks and he feels his heart breaking, though even in this surreal moment of realization, he recognizes how strange it is to feel heartbreak over something like this.

“Of course, you idiot. Donghyuck was the one that stayed at the hospital the entire first night when you were asleep.” Jeno tells him and smacks him lightly on the head.

And for the first time in his life, Renjun actually feels what it is like to have his head physically hang in shame. “I don’t deserve it.” he sighs.

“I really don’t understand you sometimes, Huang Renjun.” Jeno says and turns his attention back to his class.

“What do you mean?” Renjun retorts.

“Just because friends have a dumb fight, doesn’t mean they abandon each other in times of need.” Jeno states like it is the most obvious thing in the world.

It should be simple and obvious, everything Jeno has said. But to Renjun, it is groundbreaking. Because Renjun wasn’t used to being loved and cared for without condition. In his dark and convoluted view of the world, everything was give and take. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. But here they were--his friends that were shattering all of those dumbass beliefs. Telling him that although he had been a grade A asshole and punched them in the face, they understood that he was going through some shit, and that taking care of his sick grandmother trumped all other childish grudges. Renjun realizes that perhaps, he was the most childish out of all his friends. Somewhere in his turbulent childhood, he might have skipped a lot of emotional development. Because why else would the kindness and love of his friends shock him so?

Jeno peeks over the top of his laptop and watches Renjun deep in thought, paying no attention to his own class. “He’s at the hospital right now.” Jeno says knowingly.

And that’s all Renjun needs to hear before he slams his laptop shut and makes his way out.

The fact that Renjun is probably a few steps behind in his emotional development is solidified when he sits next to Donghyuck on a park bench and suddenly finds himself at a loss for what to say.

The rush of blood and adrenaline he had felt in his veins leaving his house for his apology tour seemed to have faded when he saw his friend’s face. Donghyuck had been sitting next to Renjun’s father, but that hadn’t been the bothersome part. It was the fact that his friend was sitting there for him, but with a black eye that Renjun had given him.

In the grand scheme of healing black eyes, Donghyuck definitely looked less hurt than the last time Renjun had seen him. The purples were mostly gone, leaving behind hues of yellow and a speck of blue here and there. Though he may have been healing, there were more colors on him than before and that’s what made him look worse. That’s also the part that makes Renjun feel most ashamed. His friend was here for him even though he looked like shit thanks to him.

Renjun is sure that on the list of top ten assholes of the world, he would find his own name on top.

But sitting next to Donghyuck outside in the fresh air, he has no idea what to say. He thinks real hard and decides to start in the safe zone.

“Did the guys tell you? About my grandma?” he asks.

“Um, no. It was Jimin.” Donghyuck replies awkwardly.

Renjun nods. “I, uh… I told the guys like a day later, though. Did you tell them before I did?”

“No, um… I was at a party with the 127s… I didn’t see her text till like the next day either, so…” Donghyuck trails off.

Renjun nods again, then swallows. It’s so strange, how awkward this all is. It is unsettling because Donghyuck is the least awkward person he knows, and he hates that this weird zone is where their relationship seems to be heading.

Not if he can help it.

In another rush of dumbass adrenaline, Renjun gets up abruptly and stands before Donghyuck.

“Go on. Do it.” Renjun says and takes a deep breath.

“Huh?” Donghyuck looks at his friend quizzically.

“Do it. Just make it quick.” Renjun nods with determination and points at his face.

“You’re crazy.” Donghyuck states and slides further away on the bench, eyebrows raised, and a grimace on his mouth.

“Just do it, man. Do it so we can move on.” Renjun says, placing both hands on his waist and squeezing his eyes shut.

“I’m not going to punch you so you can move on, you psycho.” Donghyuck’s face is contorted, like he’s scandalized and perhaps even slightly scared of his friend.

“Come on, Donghyuckie. Just punch me and get it over with.” Renjun waves his hand impatiently, not relenting.

“Are you not hearing me, you crazy? I’m not punching you just to make you feel better!” Donghyuck almost yells.

And because Renjun is pretty sure this would work, he grabs at Donghyuck’s collar just to provoke him.

“What the fuck?!” Donghyuck tries to push Renjun off of him.

“Hit me!” Renjun shouts.

“No, are you fucking crazy! Get off me!” Donghyuck grabs at the sleeves of Renjun’s jacket and tries to pry him off.

“Not till you hit me!” Renjun insists, clinging onto the boy, grabbing and pulling at him to annoy him best he can to get a reaction.

“I’m not going to hit you!” Donghyuck yells. The two boys spin in inelegant, rough circles on the grass, trying to push and pull at one another.

“Punch me or you got no balls!” Renjun yowls and then finally feels the blow to his face that sends him flying to the ground.

He pauses for a bit because his head spins for a solid ten seconds. He shakes it vigorously to get it to focus and it helps because then he looks up to find a very startled and distressed Donghyuck looking down at him, fist still raised in the air.

“That had more throw than power.” Renjun comments, massaging his jaw.

“Yeah, that’s what I was going for.” Donghyuck agrees.

For a moment both boys nod and look at each other, acknowledging the technique and form of the punch. And then, they burst into laughter because fuck, all of this was so stupid. Renjun rolls on the grass and Donghyuck doubles over as he stands. Then he offers Renjun his hand to help him get up, which he takes eagerly, using it to lift up and fling himself into his friend’s arms. They hold each other strongly, thumping one another on the back. And just like that, the awkwardness is gone. All that was meant to be said has been said and now Renjun is no longer struggling to find his words. They come easily, because all of this is so natural. He was with his best friend, after all.

“You are a crazy motherfucker, you know that, right?” Donghyuck comments, shaking his head as they sit back down on the bench.

Renjun chuckles, then looks at the grass, because his head hangs in shame again. “I’m a sorry motherfucker.”

Donghyuck puts an arm around Renjun and thumps his back again. “You should be sorry, you dumb fuck. But also, you’ve got a pretty toxic coping mechanism, you know that, right?”

Renjun sighs long “I know. The longer I think about it, the dumber I feel.”

He expects his friend to make a joke in return but he feels his hesitation. So he looks up and finds Donghyuck trying to think of what to say. “Have you ever thought about… like sorting that out, maybe?” he finally asks.

“Sorting it out?” Renjun asks, confused.

“Like... you know this isn’t normal, right?” Donghyuck asks, and he doesn’t sound like he’s mocking. His tone doesn’t have the slightest hint of a joke and that’s what makes Renjun realize what he’s talking about.

“No… no, I haven’t…” Renjun admits. He doesn’t know why he’s never thought about ‘sorting it out’. Perhaps because he’s always thought he was smarter than anyone who could offer him help.

“You could give it a try. Talking to someone really helps sometimes, you know? Getting help can help.” Donghyuck says carefully.

Renjun bites his lip. He knows his friend is right, but he’s never really, truly given it a thought. Donghyuck senses his discomfort and changes the subject.

“Your grandma is finally getting tested again tomorrow.” he says as he stretches.

Renjun smiles “Yeah. I honestly can’t believe it…” he looks at his best friend “... but I also don’t know if I’ll ever be able to thank you…”

Donghyuck frowns and shakes Renjun by the shoulder “Stop it before I throw up.”

“I mean it.”

“I’ll throw up even if you mean it.”

“Donghyuck…”

“Okay, really, stop. Also, I’m not even the one you should be thanking. Or apologizing to.” Donghyuck sits back after he’s had his fill of shaking Renjun.

“Of course, you’re the one I should be thanking and apologizing to, you stupid. You did all of this for me even when I was an absolute asshole to you.” Renjun presses.

“You are an asshole, but you’re also a dumb asshole.” Donghyuck declares.

“Hey, I’m trying to apologize nicely, here.” Renjun pouts and his friend lets out a long, exasperated sigh.

“I thought you were just being obtuse but you seriously don’t know…” Donghyuck shakes his head.

“Know what?” Renjun asks and Donghyuck shrugs and acts like a little shit which annoys Renjun, but at the same time fills him with relief. Because Donghyuck being a little shit to him means their friendship has been restored to its original state. But he asks again “Know what?!”

“Dude, no offense or anything, but did you really think your parents can put your grandma in a private room all on their own?” Donghyuck asks.

Renjun stops a bit. He’d been so worried about the fact that his grandma’s life was hanging by a thread that he hadn’t even thought about the expenses part. He knows his grandma had a little bit in savings, but his parents for sure didn’t earn that much. Come to think of it, he hadn’t even realized that this was one of the nicer hospitals around.

“Fuck it, I’m really going to have to spell it out for you. Since your brain doesn’t seem to be working.” Donghyuck sighs dramatically.

“What?”

“Dude. This is Y/N’s parents’ hospital. Your mother couldn’t possibly keep taking care of your grandma all on her own, now could she? When Y/N found out, she went crazy. She made her parents direct all their best resources into taking care of your grandma.”

For a while, the information hangs in the air.

Renjun had thought that he would never get to feel things that were new and unexplainable ever again. He thought he had experienced every single feeling his body had to offer. The past month alone had put him through more emotions than he had experienced in his whole life. He had seen it all, felt it all.

But what he’s experiencing right now doesn’t feel like gratitude or shame or longing or anything one should expect to feel in a situation like this. It just feels like a soft light has filled his chest and is lifting him in the air. He feels like he’s floating, like he’s having an out of body experience.

“Oh,” is the only thing he can manage to say.

And then he remembers your face. He hadn’t realized it then, but he sees now how badly he had wanted to see you that night. He had wanted no one but you to hold him and kiss him and tell him that he wasn’t alone. And he remembers how he couldn’t tell you any of that. He remembers how you had walked away with another man.

And that makes him come back to earth. He feels a resigned sort of sadness.

“Y/N is… she would do that for anybody, wouldn’t she?” Renjun smiles sadly.

“She probably would. But you should’ve seen how worried she was. Even now, she is on the phone everyday with her parents, making sure they’re doing everything they can. She didn’t want what happened to her grandmother to happen to yours.” Donghyuck tells him.

Renjun looks up “What happened to her grandmother?”

Donghyuck raises his eyebrows. “She passed away from Covid last year?” His eyebrows go higher still “She says she’s told you about this?”

Renjun thinks, and then it’s as if a veil on his memory is slowly but poorly being lifted. He remembers laying his head on your shoulder. He remembers feeling your shirt dampen from his tears. He remembers your fingers drawing relaxing patterns in his hair. He remembers your soothing voice, speaking to him with such tenderness that Renjun had barely heard your words and had focused instead on it’s sweet tones. But now, when Renjun is forcing himself to think, he very foggily recalls what you had been saying. You had been telling him about your own grandmother. Why hadn’t Renjun listened? Why did Renjun never listen when you spoke? He was such a selfish, arrogant fool. He wishes he could go back and change it all.

Donghyuck shakes his head. “Are you really….” he sighs again, “Nevermind. But yeah, she basically went nuts because she couldn’t be here with you.”

Renjun’s heart is aching and he’s pretty sure his face reflects it. “I wish I could take it all back. Everything I did to her.”

“You can take it back.” Donghyuck says.

“How?”

“Apologize to her, you dummy.” Donghyuck smacks the back of his head.

“How? I tried calling her once but she didn’t pick up.” Renjun admits.

“Then you should call her again and again and again till it sticks.” Donghyuck says plainly and it makes so much fucking sense that Renjun is embarrassed that he hadn’t thought it.

“Yeah, but…” Renjun swallows, “... it doesn’t really matter now, does it?”

“What do you mean?” Donghyuck asks.

“She’s with Wong Hendery now. So…” Renjun can’t even complete the thought.

“What do you mean she’s with Wong Hendery?” Donghyuck scrunches his brows deep in his forehead in confusion.

“She left with him for the semester break. I went to see her… but she left with him…” Renjun presses his lips together.

“Wait…” Donghyuck says and Renjun looks up and nods at him as if to confirm the fact. But he sees something entirely different on his friend’s face. It’s an expression of deep dumbfoundedness. “... are you some sort of an idiot?” He asks like Renjun is the dimmest person he has ever come across.

And Renjun doesn’t help his cause because he only blinks in return.

“Dude! She’s not ‘with Wong Hendery,’” Donghyuck gets up and smacks Renjun across the head once again. “They’re partners on the SMK Trainee Drive. She’s literally been preparing for this for months? Shouldn’t you know this?”

Renjun blinks some more. SMK Trainee Drive? Renjun had heard and personally seen you preparing for interviews and these drives. But somehow a lot of it hadn’t registered in his brain. Once again, probably because he never listened to you well. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, he was an idiot. He was the biggest idiot on the planet.

Yet right now, he was a smiling idiot whose heart was suddenly filling with hope. “She’s not… with… she’s not with Hendery?” Renjun is embarrassed. He feels so fucking stupid asking this, but he absolutely can’t help the smile spreading across his face.

“She’s literally at the tower right now. She’s been stuck because we went into lockdown whilst she was there. It’s why she couldn’t come and see you. But the highway doesn’t open for another week, so she’ll be stuck till then.” Donghyuck explains, and Renjun feels his heart exploding with joy at every word. He’s pretty sure he’s grinning shamelessly.

“Why do I know more about your girlfriend than you do? Oh wait. It's because 'she's not your girlfriend.’” Donghyuck does a perfectly exaggerated mimicry of Renjun that reminds him of that one SpongeBob meme. On a normal day, he would’ve wanted to smack his friend for doing this. But in this moment, he is all too happy to be the one being smacked and mocked.

Renjun laughs with relief, then finds his laugh fading a bit. “Do you think she’ll forgive me? For everything I did?”

“I don’t know, man. But you wouldn’t know unless you try.” Donghyuck once again states something that should be obvious.

“How do I try if she’s not picking up my calls? And when she won’t even be here for another week?” Renjun sulks a bit but gets smacked in the head again.

“Dude! She literally did everything in the world to help your grandma, and she was in a wholeass different city! She did that all for you! I’m sure you can figure out a simple apology.” Donghyuck has his arms crossed and is now seriously looking agitated with him and it makes Renjun smile.

“She really did that for me?” Renjun asks and he doesn’t even care if he sounds like a cheesy motherfucker. He doesn’t even care he’s being this way in front of Lee Donghyuck who probably won’t let him live it down for the rest of his life.

“Of course she did that for you, you idiot.” Renjun earns another smack at the end of that.

“Does she like me?” Renjun asks like a stupid, hopeful teenage boy.

Donghyuck pretends to gag and moves away in disgust. But then he sees Renjun’s expression and lets out a long, irritated exhale. “Of course she likes you, you dumb fuck.” Renjun gets hit in the head, “Why would she do all of this if she didn’t like you?” Renjun gets another smack, “Oh Lord, please give me the strength to not commit murder. I am not your strongest soldier…” Donghyuck looks up at the sky and Renjun laughs openly, freely and lightly. He feels as if all the knots in his chest are slowly being undone one by one. So he jumps up and tries to tackle and cuddle Donghyuck but he keeps moving away. The two boys run around in the ground, Renjun chasing Donghyuck, trying to attack him with his love while he complains that his hair smells.

And Renjun accepts all his insults with a newly healed heart. You liked him. Despite everything that he’d done to you, you liked him. You had worried about him and done everything in your power to help his grandma. You had kept tabs on her and made sure she was healing even though you were miles away. You liked him, and you weren’t with a new guy and you liked him.

As he walks back towards the hospital with his arm around his best friend’s shoulders, he decides that if it came to it that he had to beg and grovel for your forgiveness, he would happily spend the rest of his life on his knees. Because you liked him and Renjun was never going to let you go ever again.

True to his word (for maybe the first time in your relationship), Renjun spends the rest of the week trying to reach you. Because his apology tour wouldn’t be complete without his most important stop--you.

He calls you so many times; but each time, he only gets to hear the dial tone and the mechanical voice telling him that the user is unreachable at the moment. You never pick up.

But his mind and his spirit is fueled by Donghyuck’s advice, and this time, the advice is a lot more sound and a lot less exploitative. So, Renjun doesn’t give up because he has to make it stick. You had never given up on him. He wasn’t going to give up on you. When he’s sure you won’t pick up his calls, he leaves you a string of messages.

‘Hey, Y/N. I’m trying to call you. Please pick up?’

‘I know you have every right to be mad at me, but I just need a chance to apologize.’

‘I’m seriously the biggest idiot in the world, but I need to tell you that in person.’

‘Okay, I’m coming to you.’

‘Turns out I can’t just negotiate with the police to let me cross the city lines to get to the girl I like.’

‘Y/N, please…’

‘I’m the world’s sorriest and the most embarrassed motherfucker and I need to hear your voice to tell you that.’

‘I am Berry-Berry sorry, and I’m just asking for one chance to get to talk to you.

‘I’m not going to stop, you know?’

He has to admit that his patience is wearing thin. Because he’s trying every method and none of it is working; and also because his pride had never allowed him to beg and grovel to anyone before. It’s a humbling experience, but at the same time, he doesn’t feel burdened by it. This was for you. The girl who had done everything in her power to make him fall. The girl who had given him more love and kindness than anyone else in the world had. The girl who had taken his troubles and worries as her own. So, of course, he had to do everything in his power to earn your forgiveness.

But as he’s sitting in his room, trying to call you for what he’s sure is the twentieth time that day, he hears that your phone has been powered off. For a moment, Renjun feels immensely dispirited. Maybe he had lost you for good. Maybe you never wanted to hear from him ever again. Maybe this is what he deserved.

But in the next moment, Renjun stops himself. No. He wasn’t going to let his mind spiral that way again. He had to think with a good, clear mind. He couldn’t sit around and sulk without knowing he had explored all possible options. He needed to get creative and for that, he needed to think.

He could certainly wait it out till the week was over and when you’d be back. But he wanted to spend each passing minute letting you know that he was trying. So, that wasn’t an option.

Maybe he could look at the map and find some loopholes and secret passageways across the city. Surely, some of them had to be unmanned so he could break the lockdown law and get to you? That would certainly be impactful, being locked up in jail as a grand gesture of an apology. But Renjun was no action hero.

Renjun sits and thinks and thinks and thinks till a light bulb finally goes off. Of course. A grand gesture. He yells into his pillow out of excitement and frustration that he hadn’t thought of this before. If one thing had been established during this time, it was the fact that Renjun was a dumb fuck with a penchant for being blind to the obvious.

He gets up bright and early the next morning and rushes to see your friend at her apartment. He sits beside her as her online class starts, away from the camera view and finds his heart filling with the utmost warmth as he sees your window finally appear on the screen. Even in the tiny box, you looked so freaking beautiful that for a minute, Renjun stops and stares as butterflies take over his belly. But he taps his cheek to get himself to focus. He was here on a mission.

He waits for the class to begin before he slides himself into view next to your friend and types out a message on the chat that had taken him all night to prepare. He hits ‘Send to Everyone’ and waits.

And thankfully, the professor--miraculously the same professor who had done this the very first time all that time ago--stops to read it out,

“This might be a long shot, but Y/N L/N, do you think you can find it in your heart to give me another chance?” he begins, squinting his eyes slightly in confusion as he reads on, then smiling as realization hits. “Well, that’s certainly not a question from Ms. Kim Minjeong, I can tell you that.” he jokes and waits because as it had before, this has piqued the students’ interest.

Renjun watches as your pretty eyes widen. He watches them skirt across your screen, seemingly looking for the cause of the commotion. He watches the moment of realization hitting your pretty face. And he waits.

“Well, Ms. Y/N L/N, are you going to put the young man out of his misery?” the professor jokes kindly and Renjun thinks he might die from the anticipation.

And then, he watches as you move to unmute yourself.

“Yeah, I guess I could give him another chance,” you say nonchalantly which earns you a round of applause and hoots from all other windows. Because college students will always love dramatic antics.

The professor calls the class back to attention and Renjun sits back in his chair, grinning like an idiot because the girl he had fallen for had given him another chance.

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