#Socialization

[queerism1969]

#consent #sex ed #sexuality #advice #socialization #communication #patriarchy #feminism #gender roles #incels #male privilege #intersectional feminism #male violence #liberal feminism #intersectionality #radical feminism

[spacelazarwolf]

I apologize you’ve explained this before but why do you think male/female socialization is bullshit? From the way I think about it isn’t it just the fact that certain gender roles are pushed onto afab and amab people by authority figures and thus society in general to dress a certain way, show or not show emotions, forced to cover up, etc? Isn’t this a thing that happens or is there another term for it

I agree that male socialization to justify describing amab people as inherently bad is wrong though. But otherwise isn’t this an actual thing?

i've sort of touched on it in other posts, but i'll use this opportunity to try and collect all my thoughts and expand on some things i've been thinking about lately. i can't promise it'll be all-encompassing, but i'll do my best.

i think when it comes to conversations about "socialization", we're having the wrong conversation. we shouldn't be asking "how did being 'raised male/female' make this person act?", we should be asking "how was this person affected by the gender roles they were taught growing up, and how did it intersect with other parts of their identity?"

to try to illustrate this better than just a wall of text, i'm going to give some examples of "traditional" gender roles that come up a lot in discussions about socialization, and how different people might be affected by them.

"female" gender roles

must be softspoken/speak when spoken to

under white supremacy, black women are painted as aggressive (which is seen as a bad thing) while white women are painted as docile (which is seen as a good thing). how would this gender role affect a black woman differently than a white woman?

jewish women who are raised in jewish culture are generally seen as much more outspoken than the culturally white norm. how would the expectation to be "softspoken" affect them?

how would this affect trans men who are raised with this expectation, but when they transition and are put in the societal role of "man" are expected to be more outspoken? or trans women who have this gender role used against them when they try to speak up?

must focus on being a mother

to society, giving birth is one of the pillars of womanhood. how would this affect a trans man who has given birth or wants to? how would this affect a trans woman who can't?

how would this affect a black woman who deals with racist rhetoric surrounding black people having multiple children? how would it affect a black mother who is afraid of bringing black children into a world that is not safe for them?

how would this affect women who don't want children? how would it affect women who do want children, but still want to maintain their life as an individual person and not just a mother?

must be nurturing and learn how to handle others' emotions

how would this affect women of color who are frequently burdened with managing white people's emotions in conversations about race?

how would this affect all trans people, both those who were raised with this expectation and those who have this expectation put on them later in life, whose safety can be compromised by perceived "outburtsts"?

"male" gender roles

must not express emotions

how would this affect men who are racial and ethnic minorities who are trying to talk about the oppression they face and the grief that comes along with it? especially those for whom showing intense emotions is perceived as aggression?

how would this affect trans men who transitioned later in life who now have to deal with people's negative reactions to them showing the same emotions they've shown their whole life?

how would this affect trans women who were raised with this expectation, and now have difficulty expressing their emotions even though the societal role they're in now "allows" for that?

must be a breadwinner and protector, regardless of personal cost

how would this affect trans men who have different safety needs than most cis men who are now expected to put that safety on the line? (remember malte c.)

how would this affect working class men who are not paid fairly, expected to work more for less, with less benefits and protections, and then don't get to connect with their families and friends the way they might want to?

how would this affect darker skinned men of color who are already at higher risk of police violence who want to protect their loved ones from harm but know if they try the consequences could be deadly?

must not show any femininity

how would this affect jewish and east asian men who are seen as inherently more feminine because of their ethnicity/race?

how would this affect queer men whose expression is more feminine?

how would this affect trans women who are still forced into the societal role of "man"?

how would this affect trans men, who are inherently seen as feminine because of their agab, or if they don't want to present entirely normatively masculine?

particularly when it comes to trans people, depending on when we transition, our agab can have very little affect on any sort of social conditioning we receive. for me, i came out and started medically transitioning when i was 28, almost 29. my life up until that point had been profoundly affected by misogyny and sexism. growing up in a conservative town, i'd been told by the culture that i lived in that my place in the world was to have babies with a nice man, and maybe do some music on the side. i experienced medical sexism that left me disabled, educational sexism that forced me to drop out, and those things are a huge part of why i am who i am today. so it does frustrate me when people say that because i'm a man today i couldn't possibly have experienced or been affected by those things, because those experiences supposedly belong to "women" and by trying to claim them i'm somehow defaulting on my claim to my identity as a man.

i can't change what i experienced or the way it affected me. but just because i experienced one thing doesn't mean that everyone who shares my identity has to have the exact same experience, or that everyone who is the "opposite" identity of me has to have experienced the opposite. the trans boy i know who came out at age 6 is going to have a very different experience. his teachers see him as a boy, he is growing up in a more progressive and accepting community, his parents are fierce advocates for him in social and medical settings, and he is going to have a really amazing life. the kind of life all trans people should be able to have.

my life experiences will be more similar to a trans girl who came out at age 6 and experienced growing up placed in the "girl" role than they will be to the trans boy who came out at age 6 and experienced growing up placed in the "boy" role. and that, to me, is what makes trans experiences so fascinating. the trans girl might not know what it's like to get messaging about having babies being your only role in life because you have a uterus, but those messages about having babies are still going to affect her because having babies is seen as the most womanly thing you can do, and people will use the fact she can't have babies to "prove" she's not a woman. women with uteruses who are infertile often experience similar reactions, people stripping them of their womanhood because they can't carry a child. the trans boy might not know what it's like to have high school teachers speak down to you and put you in the front row so they can look down your shirt in the middle of class, but he'll still know what it's like to have people try to prevent you from transitioning because of your physical capability to have children, and what it's like to live in a world that hates you and wants to punish you for trying to "rise above your station."

every human being experiences some sort of social conditioning, because that's how humans grow and develop. we look to the world around us to try to learn how to interact with others, what society expects from us, etc. there's really no valid argument for the idea that no one experiences any sort of conditioning when they're young, because that's just not how human brains work. it's just that it's not as simple as "male vs female socialization." there are dozens of ways that intersecting experiences like race, ethnicity, ability, neurodivergence, queerness, etc. can affect the way society sees and treats you, the way society expects you to behave, and the way society enforces that behavior. it's not black and white. nothing is.

the only person who can determine how your upbringing may have affected who you are today is you. other people might be able to make observations, but you're the only one who can connect the dots. if there are things you learned growing up that you find were not healthy behaviors or were ineffectual coping mechanisms, you can unlearn them. we are always growing and changing. i've said before, socialization is something that happens to you, not something you are. no one is trapped in their 14 year old self forever.

#ask avishai #socialization

[empress-hancock]

The idea that transwomen do not experience male socialization (or at least don’t internalize/retain it) because they’re not actually men and their brains recognize this or however they may say it, is entirely dependent on the idea that men are supposed to be socialized the way that they are. The only way this argument works is if you believe male socialization (and by extension female socialization as well) is totally natural. If we accept that male socialization is not the way things are meant to be and is instead a part of a larger manmade issue (the concept of male supremacy), we have to then accept that, in the proposed scenario of transwomen rejecting male socialization, there is an inconsistency. If socialization is not natural and is a tool to enforce patriarchy, we have to ask this question: why is it that, given that neither are supposed to experience male socialization as it is manmade, only transwomen subconsciously reject male socialization as something that they are not meant to experience? If it is unnatural for both, then why does only one recognize this? The idea that transwomen are not men and are therefore not meant to experience male socialization and so they don’t internalize it directly implies that men are supposed to be socialized that way.

This is not how socialization works. You do not pick and choose what you internalize, and none of it is supposed to be any particular way, and your subconscious can’t reject things that are not supposed to be the way that they are if none of it is inherent.

#radfem #radical feminism #socialization #male socialization

[mutant-advice]

to date me you must first defeat my six highblood exes. in each quadrant.

#joke. half of them are dead in any case. #socialization

[nansheonearth]

Women talk in the notes because of female socialization. Devaluing the importance of their words and self silencing and self censoring.

#radfem #gender #patriarchy #socialization #o

[ask-a-vetblr]

Hi! I know that it's important to socialize a puppy well with both people and other dogs. But I also know you shouldn't let a puppy in contact with other dogs or walk it in areas where other dogs go before they have been fully vaccinated to prevent diseases.

Does that mean the socialization starts only after they get all their vaccines? Or is there something I'm missing here? Also because I thought the early periods of a dog's life were especially important with regards to socialisation.

Thanks!

Question tax: who was the cutest puppy you've seen recently?

vet-and-wild here.

It is no longer recommended to wait to start socializing a puppy until after their vaccine series is done, but you do need to take precautions. The reason is that there is a critical socialization window right in the middle of this time that ends around 16 weeks. That doesn't mean they can't learn or be socialized outside of this time, but the experiences they have in this time period are very important for setting the stage to how they react to stimuli in the future. Puppies who are improperly or under socialized during this period are much more likely to have behavioral issues as adults.

It's important to also understand why we booster puppy vaccines so many times. Depending on what kind of vaccines or disease exposure the mother had, this same time period is when the maternal antibodies the puppy received will be lost. Those maternal antibodies protect the puppy, but also interfere with vaccine efficacy. We don't know when they will lose the protection from those maternal antibodies, so we booster through this period to make sure they are protected. So just having 1 or 2 vaccines wouldn't guarantee that the puppy was fully protected.

The compromise is to avoid areas of potentially higher risk during this time. Dog parks, for example, may be full of dogs of unknown vaccine status and could have wildlife around that may carry parvo, distemper, etc. However, a puppy class at a reputable training facility only allows vaccinated dogs and should have disinfection protocols in place to help reduce the risk of disease spread. Basically, your puppy doesn't need to live in a bubble during this period, but you should use reasonable caution. Also keep in mind that socialization doesn't necessarily mean meeting a bunch of people or dogs! It just means positive exposure. Sitting out in your yard and practicing appropriate reactions to strange dogs walking by is socialization. Playing videos with thunder, fireworks, etc and getting the puppy used to it is socialization. Getting used to the car, medical handling, grooming, strangers coming in the house, all of that is part of socialization.

I tried to think of the cutest puppy I've seen but I'm going to be lame and say they're all cute cuz I keep changing my mind!

#puppies #socialization #vet med #vaccines #behavior #dogs

[professorbussywinkle]

To the chronic people pleasers, and over apologizers, it can be important to keep in mind that the act of being overly apologetic, in terms of social structures, places you in a subordinated position within the power dynamic of a given social situation with someone, and people can and will exploit the fact that you believe you're in the wrong when you aren't, and therefore feel justified punishing or "correcting" your behavior in order to feel powerful and dominant over you within that social dynamic, don't give them that power, they will always misuse it

And also...other people having a negative reaction to your innocuous behavior has nothing to do with you and their feelings aren't your responsibility to manage, and if someone becomes frustrated with you because you did or said a thing, it almost always has nothing to do with what you did or said, and they were likely already frustrated in general bout some other shit before you said or did the thing that you believed was the cause of their frustration

You are fine

It wasn't anything you did

You did nothing wrong

Therefore you don't deserve to be punished in any way

Your needs matter more than other peoples at the end of the day

You can't pour from an empty cup

#people pleaser #therapy #social dynamics #power structures #socialization #neurodivergence #neurodivergent #trauma #emotional maturity

[strezzedanddeprezzed]

female socialization

      So, I was in the mall a few days ago window shopping and whatnot and I passed a Victoria’s Secret filled with young girls, like 8-13 years old. And I swear I’ve never felt that level of discomfort and uneasiness in my life. Seeing little girls holding up lingerie and thongs was incredibly jarring to me, even though my mother let me do the same thing at their age. What made it worse was that a group of boys the same age was across lined up to play mini-golf. 

      Anyways, I was talking with someone about it, and they simply said that’s a normal part of growing up for girls. But what’s the equivalent for boys? Why is sexualization an acceptable part of girlhood? Why do girls’ clothes start turning into crop tops and short shorts when they get into double digits (sometimes even before that), but boys’ clothes stay the same? 

      When women say makeup and sexy clothes are empowering and actually feminist, look at the world around us. 

#radfem #radfem please touch #radfem please interact #socialization

[chimeramoth]

maybe there is a neurodivergent, socially awkward, or socially unaware person who does not know this so i am going to gently explain this to you today:

"small talk" is (usually) a social device that people use to gauge a level of awareness of how the other person is feeling or thinking. small talk is not usually brought up because people enjoy being vague or lightly talking about the weather or sports, but rather because this casual simple conversation can clue you in on how the other person may be feeling in the moment, their engagement energy level, and whether or not they feel like chatting right now. small talk is usually a "safe" kind of conversational engagement because it is an indirect way of letting people know, through kinds of non-verbal language, that perhaps they are too busy to chat, are focused on another task, are preoccupied with another concern, are feeling too tired, or are feeling non-sociable. it usually nothing personal against you if someone is hinting that they do not want to chit-chat right now, and honestly a lot of people kind of appreciate the "small talk" social check-in because it can be viewed as considerate. as in, "thank you for checking in on my social energy right now, i appreciate you checking before opening up a huge topic with me." of course you can also always just gently ask someone if now is a good time to talk about something that's on your mind or urgent, too. small talk is just also another method people use, both neurotypical and neurodivergent, both socially experienced and inexperienced.

i thought maybe someone might need to hear this today because i had a couple friends tell me that they hated small talk because it didn't make sense to them or that it was frustrating because it can feel uninteresting in conversation. i feel like sometimes small talk gets a bad rep because sometimes people are unaware of why small talk is actually happening. of course, this conversational device is not a one-size-fits-all method and not fool-proof. people are going to respond in different ways to small talk, and you are allowed to as well. but perhaps by talking about it like this, it wont feel as frustrating or confusing to some folks now :)

#reblogs appreciated #neurodivergent #adhd #autistic #ocd #autism spectrum #nonverbal #conversation #language #empathy #empathetic #socialization #socially awkward #socially anxious #social anxiety #anxiety disorder #yee and haw #genuine tone

[lacangri21]

Men's femininity is very different from the femininity that is a requirement of women's subordinate status, because women do not choose femininity but have it thrust upon them. Femininity is not a form of sexual fantasy for women but the hard and often resented work required of those who occupy subordinate social status.

Beauty and Misogyny by Sheila Jeffreys

#Quotes #booklist #Fetishism #Socialization #beauty culture #genderism #feminism #Principles

[femsolid]

"Men take up a lot of space in our lives, but also in our heads. They’ve been so instilled as the “authority” in our society that we recreate that authority as a specter in our imagination. It’s the male gaze internalized, except it is not only about sexuality but the observation of all aspects of our lives. In the same way we anticipate, even unconsciously, men’s responses to our physical appearance, judging by their standards whether or not we look sexy or pretty when we look in the mirror, we can anticipate men’s responses to the way we behave, the way we speak, the choices we make about how to live our lives.

Our society so values masculine modes of life and masculine ways of seeing and judging, rewarding those who fall into line, that we internalize this process. Men in real life reinforce this by observing and commenting on our behavior and our choices. It is easy to mistake the degree of their importance. But for all the space men take up in our imaginations, most of it is space we give them. We invite them in and forget to usher them out. Even in feminist discourse, the male audience is always presupposed and catered to.

It’s not only male disapproval that is a problem. Male approval can be a hindrance as well. We are taught, as women, that whether or not we have value as human beings depends on what men think of us. Whether or not a woman is worthy of love is determined by men. This system can use love and romance as a form of oppression and control. Certain behaviors and characteristics are deemed lovable or unlovable. Women act out this oppression by tailoring their behavior and characteristics to these rules."

- Why I Am Not A Feminist (A Feminist Manifesto) by Jessa Crispin

#quote #feminism #socialization #femininity

[queerism1969]

#consent #boundaries #sexuality #socialization #entitlement #advice #decency #believe survivors #right wing women #violence against women #black women #beautiful women #women #women outdoors #womenfashion #tattooed women #hands in hair #looking away #women with glasses #thicc white women #dark hair

[growup-gloup]

How to move in silence when you're an oversharer

Journal when you feel like info-dumping or when you have a big secret that you just have to tell someone or you'll explode.

Categorize everything in your life as "need-to-know" vs "privilege to know". Not everyone deserves the privilege of being involved in your life.

Avoid offering information that was never even asked for in the first place.

Get into the habit of keeping quiet about plans until they're done and it's too late for anyone to intervene.

Post about your trips, events, and activities AFTER they're over and you're back home.

Avoid posting anything personal and keep your posts vague.

Make social interactions a secret game where you see how much you can learn about the other person without sharing anything personal from your side.

#socialization #socialize #relationships

[mutant-advice]

okay. new sufferer rebuttal. i cannot be the sufferer because i do not wear leggings.

#socialization

[nansheonearth]

I think this year I'm over socialization as an excuse. I see a bunch of critiques being dismissed because of the argument of socialization. If you're an adult over 25 with a fully formed frontal lobe then you have to make better decisions. I get socialization makes women make bad decisions but at this point it's like ???? Ok? And?! Let's move past it.

#gender #socialization #radfem #feminism #motivation #o #sisterhood

[creatingnikki]

For the next time you feel like you want to isolate yourself and never speak to another soul again:

Baby. You thrive off of connections. Today you spent the night drinking a little too much but you remained sober because you spoke so much to someone you met for the first time about so many things that matter to you like books and bullying and boundaries. As you kept playing with his little dull gold lighter and as he kept asking you if you were okay because you were drinking so much, you bonded with someone you didn't even know existed before. Wouldn't have even thought of. And maybe you will never see him again. And maybe this night will not matter in the bigger scheme of things. But tonight, for those 4.5 hours you sat there next to each other and without any history and without any future the two of you spoke and spoke and spoke. And the truth is, you felt it, didn't you? You felt it. That this is the reason why it is worth continuing to live. Because there will be people like this. Nights like these. And they will touch your soul. However briefly. And maybe just maybe it's because in another life, you two knew each other. Your souls know each other. And sometimes maybe this will continue, it will go beyond one night, one week, one year, one decade....one lifetime. And this is why you continue to live. Because there are still people you're yet to cross who will speak to your soul. So, go out. Be yourself. Have a good time. And remain authentic to yourself. You can do that while still maintaining boundaries. You can do that while still not letting people mess with you. You are you. You can do anything you set your mind to. So, baby, listen. Please don't give up on people just yet. Not yet. Simply elevate the kind of people you let your energy interact with. That's all.

#spilled ink #poeticstories #poetryportal #writerscreed #poets on tumblr #writers on tumblr #spilled thoughts #meeting people #social skills #social anxiety #social isolation #socialization #past lives #soulmates #creatingnikki