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insertdisc5 · 3 years

Note

Hi!! I wanted to ask, in celebration of Deltarune CH. 2, do you have any updated thoughts and head canons about the game?? Like, y'know, similar to a previous ask about Kris in your Deltarune tag? Thanks!

thoughts on kris part 2 i guess???? (part 1 from ch1 here lol)

spoilers for deltarune like woah. this wont be kris focused just random thoughts on everything. thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk

not that many thoughts for this chapter tbh! EDIT LOL: this was a lie i have a lot of thoughts

-just in general i feel like the player isn't the only one controlling kris... like yes the player forced kris to do what happened in the snowgrave route but AT THE SAME TIME idk it feels like there's someone else too. just because of the terrifying voice i suppose. and also the jerky movement kris does every time they get their soul out? unless there's another reason for it... maybe getting your soul out means you walk weird lol

-BUT ALSO i feel like kris is 100% in control when they create fountains. idk it just makes sense kris would create them. to create another world, a better world, A WORLD WHERE THEIR BROTHER IS HERE PERHAPS? i do wonder why they get their soul out then though. i'm all for it sweetie! do whatever! i support you!

-(i am and will be playing deltarune with only kris' best interests in mind. i will not hurt anyone unless kris wants me to. dont worry my little meow meow im on your side! talk to me! no? okay ill stay under the sink its fine)

-speaking of asriel. SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER (starts crying) V-VACATION COLLEGE WHEN

-kris misses their brother so much it's so sad. if you make kris steal 5$ from asriel they take it "reluctantly"? talking to asriel online so often even alphys knows?? the google search?? GOING INTO ASRIEL'S GOOGLE SEARCH ROOM WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED BECAUSE THEY'RE CONVINCED THEY ALREADY KNOW WHATS IN THERE? THAT ONE IS LESS OF A MISSING THING BUT IM LIKE OH MY GOD

-the city walk with susie at the end makes it clear to me that kris really values susie's friendship... kris even sits with her if you spend long enough near the lake like aaaaah ;_;

-and even in snowgrave you spend your last acts with the final boss calling for your friends like YES there's a way bigger creepy aspect to this (kris as more of a Leader who Commands and commands their subjects to come) but still :'0 (and then noelle answers oh my god noelle im so sorry for the trauma)

-berdly. listen. listen. listen. liste

-berdly sucks but [berdly hurts his arm in the battle against queen if you don't save him because he doesnt want to hurt you] [berdly realizing smg's wrong in snowgrave and immediately taking steps to save noelle] berdly is my little crumb nugget. i will protect him.

-noelle. noelle. girlboss!

-like ooooh listen. hearing about the genocide path for undertale. made me go "that is SO COOL. i HAVE to experience it myself this is great. hehehe killing time" and like no regrets. i was fully enjoying the experience knowing i was an awful person. SNOWGRAVE THOUGH. i will never try this myself its too fucked up. casually grooming your childhood friend to murder people <3 and also acting like a weird stalker towards her <3 stockholm syndrome speedrun i will get all the info i can about this but i will never do this myself

-people remarking the kris/player>noelle relationship is similar to the relationship between player>chara in genocide path is like yes. chefs kiss. don't worry we just are making you stronger and everything will be fine "you made me kill my friend? and for what?" this is fine sweetie don't worry about it!!!!!!

-like the amount of details added to snowgrave, like if you equip noelle's watch she notices later? and her battle animations change as time goes on, she gets an ice shield and stops sighing in relief after battle? oh my god? oh my god.

-(berdly is not awake.) JUST KILL ME RIGHT HERE I HAVEN'T STOPPED THINKING ABOUT BERDLY NOT BEING AWAKE!!!!!

-also why didnt he turn into dust. so many possible reasons. is magic a thing in the normal world and perhaps no magic means no dust (theres graves). maybe he isnt dead. maybe hes braindead. maybe he'll come back. either way that boy is now in the closet big enough to put someone in

-also dess' name probably being december AND THATS WHY NOELLE LOST THE SPELLING BEE?!?!??! FUCK ME UP!!!!! JUST FUCK ME UP!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

-also so many good pixel art this chapter. too many? i didnt need pixel art of cardboard noelle falling on the statue. like thank you but please. please it hurts my game artist brain.

-the expressions in this chapter were also top notch. all the unsettling noelle expressions like (i fall over face first)

-i threw away the ball of junk (which i already tried in ch1) and this time the game was like "ARE YOU SURE BC THIS IS A BAD IDEA" and kris felt bitter :'( (it deletes all your items in the dark world)

-i uh fucked up and skipped the susie+noelle scene bc listen last time ralsei mentionned seeing what susie is doing we missed some PRIMO LORE. turns out it just makes you skip the scene and you dont get anything new. welp

-speaking of ralsei well you know. he exists. but im stuck on him going "i just wonder what being ralsei-like even is...?" ralsei my dude there's so much i could say about this. do you feel like you can't be ralsei-like because you feel like you have to be asriel-like

-but also that makes no sense bc susie hasnt even mentioned ralsei looks like asriel. and i cant imagine asriel being so meek. so WHAT GIVES

-ralsei as kris’ “i wish i was a monster just like my bro and family and i’d look like asriel but with red horns [THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME] and my name would be something cool like ralsei instead of a boring human name like kris and im sweet and cute because thats how i act with asriel because ASRIEL MADE ME” theory because that would be cute.

-ASRIEL GOING TO THE CHURCH TO CONFESS HIS "SINS" WHEN "SINS" AREN'T A THING IN THE ANGEL BELIEF LIKE I KNOW THIS INTERACTION WAS TREATED AS A JOKE BUT WHAT THE FUCK ASRIEL?

-kris definitely has a connection with the big red door in the city, judging by what the kids say they probably went there... i feel like this place's dark world will be the Final Dungeon you KNOW some shit happened there. also the sounds you hear when you go there is the phone dark world call's sound slowed down? AND AFTER SNOWGRAVE APPARENTLY YOU CANT HEAR IT ANYMORE? HUWAH?

-speaking of songs the songs were all so good, My Castle Town rules, the berdly snowgrave music is stuck in my head, flashback is uwah wuahah, Until Next Time is so good, AND ALSO A FRIEND NOTICED THE DARK WORLD CITY THEME IS JUST tHE SONG 74 (MOST NOTICEABLE WITH THE SNOWGRAVE VERSION)?????? WHAT DOES IT MEAN????? it might be just "hey its just reuse" BUT MR FOX YOU KNOW WE'RE GONNA READ INTO THIS IS NOELLE THE ONE SINGING IDK BRO!!!!!!!!!!

-asgore dreemurr fired from the force what happun!!!!! game theory is that asgore is related to dess' death/disappearance but eh who knows

-you start the chapter at lvl2 and get to lvl3 after the final boss, a friend mentioned this is probably because we destroyed a world and im :0

-to go back to kris it's still so interesting to figure out who they are based on how they act/people mention them. like kris shaking the ferris wheel car? yeah makes sense i can imagine a pranking kid do this. kris' dance? yeah thats a little silly but i can buy it. doing cool anime poses? well i dunno this doesnt line up PERFECTLY but sure. BUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN SNOWGRAVE... especially >proceed like that is such a weird thing that i can't imagine them doing, but i can't completely see the "player" doing either (compare with going to sans -which kris doesnt know- and going "SANS!" because of course the player would know sans), like THATS one of the reasons i feel like there's someone else in there. the weird robotic merciless actions. if im going super meta it feels like there'd be someone else like writing the choices into existence for us to pick you know? gaster probably? god i need to read more gaster theories i completely sidestepped the gaster shit bc i wasnt interested. anyway just spitballing

-(looks at big shot guy) please dont make him the next tumblr guy i beg you

-obligatory "queen was great" mention if only because this part made me laugh a little bit too hard

that was a lot. thank you for letting me talk

#ask tag #deltarune #deltarune spoilers #snowgrave spoilers

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theriverdraws · 3 years

Text

I wrote this at 6 am and proceeded to accidentally delete it goddamn it.

Anyway, this is me rambling about Kris because I love them and I have a lot of thoughts on what the hell their fucking deal is.

Kris is being controlled by the player, they're connected through the soul. But it seems that the whole soul thing has been happening for a while but we weren't always here so what the hell is up with that? My best guess is Gaster. He's been doing some experiments of sorts in Kris, maybe Kris themself is an experiment, it sucks. And that place in the woods is probably related to it and that's terrifying because Kris is scared shitless of this place, or at least very uncomfortable. Kris also doesnt seem to be able to break this control for real, they can break away from it temporarely and be a soulesss borderline lifeless body walking around but then they need to put it back later, so that sucks.

Is Kris the knight? While there is a possibility yes, I'm more inclined to Gaster being the knight because of his connections to Jevil and Spamton, and Kris might not be related to the knight in any way but their plans might correlate with each other so maybe Kris will join his side? I mean if Gaster is the one who made the soul connection then maybe not.

Also I don't think there is a third party controlling Kris, not even Gaster, and DEFINITELY not Chara. Guys. Y'know how this world seems to be humans and monsters living with each other because there was never a war? (Or maybe there was but the monsters were never banished). Then you know where Chara is? Dead. There was no one to help them in Mt Ebott and so they died, and so will the other 7 humans (including Frisk) because there's now way to climb up or call for help. Chara probably never even met the Dreemurr family (which is kinda sad to think about) so they're definitely not controlling Kris.

Now you might want to argue that Undertale!Chara is controlling Kris, but I dont think that's the case. First of all while this game is connected to undertale anyway because Gaster, I would think Toby would want a new villain for this game, also I think Chara would overlap with Kris' character and that would suck because I love seeing Kris and Chara as their own characters. But a more unbiased reason is that I think Kris already has enough motives to do what they're doing?

They're creating more fountains because their life sucks at the moment, their parents' relationship just crash and burned, Asriel is away for college and they cant even talk because the internet is down. Kris wants to have adventures with their friends! Yes, they have friends now!! Sure making new fountains is dangerous or whatever, but they can just seal it off right? So it's fineeeee (it isnt. Kris is ignoring the consequences and being selfish). Maybe they made the cyberworld fountain but they definitely didnt do the one at school so that's part of why I dont think they're the knight.

Why did Kris slash the car tires? I have no goddamn clue. That was so random-- even if Kris is being controlled by someone,,, why???? My best guess is that it would make Toriel convince Susie to stay here with them and tbh thats silly enough to be canon lol, I mean, last chapter Kris took their soul out to get pie so who knows at this point. Maybe we'll know more about it in later chapters.

So what was that ending?? Well, Kris made a fountain, and who is that on the TV? Well now we're getting into heavy theories territory. I think, that the person on the TV is actually a sneak peak of the new villain in chapter 3, since Kris made a new fountain there, maybe chapter 3 will be on the TV?

AND ALSO I think this villain might be Mike. Yknow, the guy Spamton mentioned. Because Jevil foreshadowed Queen, I think Spamton foreshadowed the chapter 3 villain, he did say "Dont trust anything you see on the TV Kris!! The man is a liar I'll tell you!!" Or something like that. Which also makes me think that Mike was the one who first contacted Spamton and proceeded to abandon him and Gaster found him later but maybe thats stretching too much. So yeah I think that smile is this Mike guy, Or whoever the chapter 3 villain is.

So yeah I think that's it. If you blame Kris or anyone else besides the player for the Snowgrave route I will seriously steal your kneecaps I swear to g o d--

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thewildwaffle · 3 years

Note

Aliens reacting to Humans talking about an online site they refer to as "discord"

(This story now has a part 2)

Zerlix didn’t trust the humans. Sure, they were good to have around, they were strong, smart, adaptable, creative, fierce, and immune to many known poisons and venoms. Having a few on your crew roster almost ensured that the crew and haul would make it safely to its destination. If Zerlix was honest though, all of those “positive traits” had their negative alternatives in the humans as well. Strong? Smart, adaptable and creative? That all just meant they could get into trouble all the easier in new and ever mind-bendingly bizarre ways. Fierce and hard to kill? That’s only comforting as long as they were on your side, and even then… well, stuff happens.

Basically, humans are agents of chaos and destruction wrapped in a friend-shaped cloak.

Not everyone shared Zerlix’s line of thinking though.

No, everyone else seemed to be fooled by the charade the humans were playing. They loved the technology the humans brought with them, or that they helped improve. They loved how big and strong they were and how helpful their larger sizes could be. They, at best, tolerated the pranks and “silly” antics the humans often got caught up in, and at worst, would even join in. They all called Zerlix things like a “nutted sparchroot,” or a “muddy stick” or something like that whenever the whole “humans are crazy” theory was brought up.

“Of course humans are crazy,” they’d say, “that’s what’s so great about them.” or “No, they’re not crazy, it’s just how they do things. It’s not crazy to be different, you know.” Drabble like that. Well, won’t they all feel bashful once Zerlix proved that humans were indeed barmy death-bringers in disguise.

Zerlix made sure to check the audio recorder settings on the comm device one last time. Humans often stopped to chat or take calls in this area of the ship. There’d been so many things overheard before that nearly stopped Zerlix’s lungs in terror. This time, they’d make sure to be ready to record whatever horrifying things the humans were keeping secret when they came by.

In fact, Human John was coming by now. From the sounds of it, he was talking to someone on his comm device. As he entered the alcove and took a seat, Zerlix’s claw hovered over the record button, waiting anxiously for anything that could prove they weren’t crazy.

“Well, I mean I could,” John sat down on one of the available seats. He noticed Zerlix and nodded silently in greeting as he talked. “Well the problem is though that I don’t have a whole lot of time right now. Kind of busy lately, the route to Senbora 6 is kind of a rough go, ya know? All hands on deck about every time I turn around.”

Zerlix pretending to fiddle with the primed comm device to look busy. Being seen hadn’t been part of the plan, but they forgot that humans, with their drag-blasted three cone cell containing eyes, could see in more colors than most, and hiding from them was difficult. Hopefully, Human John would slip up and say something anyway.

“Okay. Okay yeah. No, I get that… Listen, no I totally get it… Well we knew that was going to be the case before. I mean, this is my job, you know? ”

Oh Kazit’s armor, this conversation seemed so drab! And Zerlix was only getting half of it anyway! What a waste. They went to close out the audio recorder, but instead, accidentally started recording. Frewan. If they ended it now, it might start immediate playback and they’d be caught. Well, maybe. In their panic, Zerlix couldn’t remember what settings the recorder was on. Still, it would be easier to delete the recording later than risk having to explain why they were recording the human.

“Look, I know, but there’s nothing I can do about it right now. Maybe if we play something that we can jump out of real quick if need be? Yeah? Cool.” John paused and listened for a while. “Haha, throwback Thursday much? Yeah, we could do that. But you know I suck at being an imposter.”

Wait. What was that? Imposter? Zerlix froze to listen more intently.

“Yeah. Haha, yeah. Sabotaging is really the only thing I can do at that point. I just keep making friends and then have such a hard time killing anyone.”

Zerlix looked down to check. Yes, yes, the recorder was getting this. This was amazing!

“Okay, well jump on Discord, see if we can get a big enough group to do everything through that so we don’t have to type. Ha, yeah... Ok, just make sure if you do invite Katrina, tell her she can’t cheat. I know how she is.”

Zerlix jumped up from the failed hiding spot. The comm device was still recording, but they’d heard enough. Leaving like this probably seemed suspicious to the human, but Zerlix couldn’t just sit and stay any longer. This was big! This was even bigger than just proving they had been right about the humans all along. Well, this new evidence proved they were right about humans all along, but in the worst possible way! Humans were agents of discord and chaos! The ship and the crew were in danger! How many humans were going to “jump on discord” like John said? What a weird way to say that too, but judging an imposter human’s grammar wasn’t a priority right now. They had to get this audio recording to the captain before Human John and whomever he was talking to gathered a group large enough to do any real damage!

“Let’s see anyone try to call me a “nutted sparchroot” now that I can prove the humans are out to get us all,” Zerlix panted, comm device still recording as they ran.

PART 2

#humans are weird #humans are space orcs #aliens #i'm still pretty new to discord #so it took me a while to think of something for this #prompt #discord #among us #humans and aliens #original writing

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oikadori · 4 years

Text

A/N: I really liked this request!! I love Yamaguchi but I’m really insecure about writing for him?? so that’s why he isn’t on my characters list, but after this I might write for him too! Sorry for deleting the last one and then posting this again but I get really anxious when like, i have a plan and then it doesn’t go as I wanted so here it is...again BUT at 10pm east hour 😌

Sorry for the long wait ANON but here it is. Hope you like it!

Yamaguchi Tadashi x f!Reader

Summary: he is very subtle with his feelings but it’s really hard to hide them when his crush is Karasuno’s sweetheart, in the other hand, you are not familiar with the butterflies in your stomach

Genre: fluff, a little angst but mostly fluff

WC~2,3K

“Karasuno’s heartbreaker” that’s how they called you. You really didn’t want to sound mean to them, but the boys’ insistence bothered every fiber of your body. So, when you noticed that third-year walking in your direction, holding a cute bento-box, you ran.

“Oh, I’m so sorry”, the boy with freckles and a little aerial on his hair says as his cheeks tint red when he notices you. You, the sweetheart of Karasuno just bumped into his chest “Are you– “

Your tongue sticks out catching your breath as you look at the tall boy you just crashed against.

“It doesn’t matter–“ , you hear multiple steps turning around the corner and your eyes fanatically search for a spot to hide, noticing just now his black jacket, “Freckles! You are from the volleyball club, right?”

“Y-Yes”

“Let me hide in the gym. PLEASE. Only for ten minutes”

“I–Only people from the club can enter”

“Just five minutes, okay?” the way your eyes become big and puffy kills any resistance he had left. He nods nervously before walking to the gym’s door, followed closely by your figure.

You scan him curiously. ‘Is he a first year?’ He’s really tall for that, but you don’t remember seeing him in any of your classes. ‘Maybe he is in advanced classes?’

The moment you cross the doors, all stares are over you. Two second-years freeze in the spot while a tall blonde looks at you with confusion as his eyes slightly widen. You recognize two first years, Kageyama and Hinata, who turn bright red as they see you standing in the entrance with an embarrassed little smile.

“Don’t mind me. I’m just–

“IS THAT Y/N-san??”

“I think she is Ryu!! This is our lucky day!!”

“Yamguchi, since when are you friends with her?” the blonde says, not crossing eyes with you

“I’m not, but–“

“Don’t worry, I’ll leave as soon as I can”

“W-We can teach you play Y/N-san!”, Hinata comes at you, bouncing, making you take a few steps back, “Stay, Please!–”

Your feet slip in the steps and you lose your balance only for a fraction of second, but Yamaguchi’s hand is quick grabbing your forearm. His hold on you is gently and the moment he notices it, he releases you just as quick.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to t-touch you like that” you move away a little, still shocked by the loudness of the situation, shaking slightly your head.

“Thank you actually. I just need some sp–”

Before anyone else can approach you, a third-year girl moves in front of you, extending her arms protectively.

“Stay back, you’re scaring her”, just when you were about to thank her, you see behind your shoulder multiple boys approaching the gym, and without exchanging a word, she pushes you further into the gym, and closes the door with a loud thud.

“Thank you so much…”

“Shimizu”

“I–sorry for coming in like that” you whisper, “Can I stay here until they leave, please?”, you gaze at the third-years, pleading.

“Please, please let her stay Daichi-san”

“Please! It’s Y/N L/N-san!”

They share a brief smile before welcoming you. So, in an attempt of making yourself useful, you start helping Kiyoko with her duties. Your eyes casually drift to the court and the moment you see them playing, your mouth opens wide.

“Amazing right?”

“I’ve never seen an actual match before…It’s– really impressive”, Kiyoko smiles at you before speaking again

“Have you joined any club activity?”

///

The cold air of the night shakes your hair as you close the gyms doors, wearing the volleyball club’s jacket. You wrap your arms around yourself at the coldness as you turn down Noya and Tanaka’s offer to carry your bags to walk you home.

“Thank you, but you both live, like, in the opposite side of the town”

As the boys leave with puppy eyes, you catch the sight of a little brown aerial turning around the corner.

“Freckles, are you going home?”

“Oh. Hi, Y/N”, he stops instantly and turns to you, “No, sorry. I’m gonna practice some more serves. You live in the house, crossing the street, right?

He turns red, replaying the words in his head as his eyes go blank.

“I-I’ve seen you walking to school a few times. Not that I watch you constantly–Sorry!”, you bit your lip holding back a chuckle, his shyness making your eyes soften.

“Can I go with you? I could go alone honestly but my parents would kill me if they saw me arriving home at this hour without company”

“ I’m gonna practice for at least one more hour, are you okay with that?” ‘An extra hour besides his regular training??!!’

“I kinda don’t have a choice, so yes”, he frowns as you reach for your back, placing it across your shoulder before zipping your jacket and giving a light nod to begin your walk.

He doesn’t ask you to let him carry your bag, he have seen how that question had bothered you at least 20 time before. So, he just walks beside you, in silence.

“Hey that’s not the street we were supposed to take” you stop, pointing at the opposite side, “That’s the one to Shimada’s-san store!”

“I know, I’m walking you home first”, you blink and a strange lump settles on your throat, “I can practice later”, a closed-eye smile crosses his face, it is amazing the way your face burns at the effortless cuteness of the first-year.

“But it’s really late already–“

“Oh, I stay until much later! It’s no problem really” ‘Why is he so damn sweet???’

“Fine. Whatever” your mumbles make Yamaguchi’s lips curve up, he looks at you dreamily, you are absolutely gorgeous. That silly nickname doesn’t equal everything you are, and it makes his heart drop to the ground.

Suddenly, you quicken your pace making him take long steps to match yours.

“Come on, Yamaguchi, I don’t want you to blame me for falling asleep in class tomorrow!”

Good thing you’re walking a few steps ahead of him, otherwise you would have seen clear as day his flushed cheeks shining under the moon.

///

That was the very only walk you had alone with Yamaguchi, but even though he was always around Tsuki, you promised yourself you would cope with the middle blocker, so you didn’t have to walk alone. From being just teammates, you started calling them friends.

The sun is falling on the horizon, a mix of orange and red painting the sky as Karasuno’s volleyball club left the gym where they just had a long practice match.

“Oi! The pretty manager! Wait!”

Your foot just landed on the step of the bus, when three boys from the other team come at you. Yamaguchi is behind you, waiting for you to step in when you turn back, sighing.

“Hey. I’m about to leave so I’m sorry–

“Aww, sweetheart, don’t be like this”, the boy eyes you from to toe to head, making Yamaguchi frown at him but then, when he looks at your face, your sweet smile turning into a dangerous grin, he just backs away, “I only want your phone number”

There is a little pause and Yamaguchi can feel his features relaxing, understanding you are in total control. He had watched you closely, not with obsessive stares but with subtle glances here and there, picking up your gestures and actions. Not noticing, how strong his crush on you was getting.

“Oh, but why on earth would I do that?”, you look so cute but there is nothing cute in the words you spit at them, it makes Yamaguchi gulp harshly. ‘Maybe you learnt too well from Tsuki’.

Noya and Tanaka were already running his sleeves up getting off the bus when they heard you, becoming statues.

“I mean, you don’t seem like the kind of guy I’ll date so- No. I’m tired and I want to go home” you say, swaying your hips as you enter the bus, “Are you coming Yamaguchi?”

“Y-Yeah!”

You drop your weight on an empty seat as Yamaguchi searches for another spot without luck. He looks at the seat next to you with nervousness, not wanting to bother you.

“You can sit here, you know? You can’t stay up the whole ride, can you?”

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable”

“Why would you?” you quirk an eyebrow at him, smiling as you see the soft redness spreading on his cheeks, “I’m messing with you, Tadashi! Just sit”

And as a soldier listening to a command, he sits.

He watches you as you take out your earbuds and plug them in, scrolling down your playlists.

“Did the album you were waiting come out?”, he points shyly his finger at your phone, making you blink as you turn to him

“I-Yes! How do you know I was waiting for it?”

“Uhm–I remember you said that last week”, you fight vigorously the red that threatens your cheeks with fake coughs, “I-I didn’t mean to overhear you, I swear!

“No-no. It’s not that. It’s just–guys don’t usually listen to me, not really anyways. It’s nice knowing someone does”

A comfortable silence settles in as you brush the butterflies in your stomach away before turning to him, eyes glistening with a little mishief.

“That guy was SO annoying!!”, you sigh, “I’m sure Noya and Tanaka would have eaten him alive” you giggle a little before staring at him expectantly for his reaction.

“I–“, his eyes run away from yours before mumbling softly, “I don’t think you needed someone to protect you, your presence itself is…overwhelming–In the best way possible!”

Tsuki turns his head to where you both are siting, sighing, when he sees two blushing messes sinking in the seats.

“I mean if he kept insisting, of course I would do–something!” you feel again that weird knot in the pit of your stomach and without thinking you unplug one of your earbuds.

“Want to listen with me?”

“yes”, Yamaguchi just feel as if he is the luckiest guy in the world and he wants to enjoy every minute of it, but playing five practice sets was tiring

His eyelids grow heavier and his head staggers from right to left as the ride continues, accidentally landing on your shoulder.

“Sorry! I didn’t meant to–“

“D-Don’t worry, I want to sleep too so–“

‘Are you asking to–?’

“You can rest on my shoulder–If you want” you nod shyly causing Yamaguchi to stare at you shocked, he had never seen you this timid.

His brain freezes as he feels the weight of your head falling on his right shoulder, breath almost stoping when you snuggle a little more to find the best position to finally sleep.

“Thank you, Tadashi”, the loudness of his heartbeat nearly doesn’t let him hear your soft whisper.

Finally, he lets his head cautiously fall on top of yours as if he was scared to mess a single strand of your hair but not before he had taken the sight of you. Your face looked almost angelical as the sunlight poured throght the window onto your features, your breath slowing down continuously.

Yamaguchi truly never had felt this lucky.

///

Since then, you realized you did have feelings for the pinch server and even though he showed a little smile and a light blush now and then, you didn’t know if he felt the same. It was unknown to you that his chest brimmed with nervousness and excitement every time he was in your presence.

You’ve never felt this anxious before, and watching the cute, blushing exchanges between Yamaguchi and Yachi only made it worst. This time, Yachi almost passed away when a volleyball landed right next to her, Yamaguchi was quick getting the first-aid kit and sitting next to her. A bright red in both of their faces as he touched her hand, searching her pulse, making your eyes roll.

You hated going alone to the storage room, but you hated much more the ongoing scene in the gym.

Dust gets in your lungs, causing you to cough violently as you search for an old net in one of the shelves.

“Why nobody cleans this??”

“Y/N, do you need help?”

The moment you hear Yamaguchi’s voice you huff.

“No. I’m fine”

“But you can fall, Y/N. Let me reach that for you”

“Just let me do it!” you turn way too quickly to face him, losing your balance on the chair, falling forward.

Yamaguchi is fast grabbing your waist, but gravity had already pull you down by the time his hands secure you. Your chest crashes with his as your eyes close, his back landing with a loud thump over the wooden floor.

When you open your eyes again, your lips are on top of his. Yamaguchi’s eyes are still tightly shut, and you take the moment to feel his lips

‘Incredibly soft’.

You drift your stare from his lips to his face, his freckles almost disappearing for the shade of red that tints his cheeks. He is just so pretty!

“SORRY, Y/N!!” he moves his head away not giving you time to react, detaching his lips form yours.

“You didn’t like it?”

“I–Of course I did”

“Then why did you pull back–

“Y/N–

“No! Really, Tadashi, tell me. Just tell me you like Yachi, already!”, he blinks in confusion, his heartbeat hammers his ears as he feels numb by the words you’re about to say, “I like you Tadashi”

“But you’re out of my reach. I like you so much, but why would you–“, you grab his face with both of your hands, the urge to feel him, overwhelming you as you gaze at him overflowed by confidence

“Shut up and kiss me, Yamaguchi” you’re still on top of him and his hands find its way to your waist as you press him against you. The kiss is filled with your eagerness and soon is follow by Yamaguchi’s softness and tenderness, a little moan escapes his lips, making you smile.

The door opens for a second only to show Tsuki with disgust all over his face before he disappears again, causing you to break the kiss. His shy eyes look at you and pepper his beautiful freckles with kisses for reassurance.

“Don’t ever put yourself down in front of me Tadashi, ever”

A/N: I promise, now I’m gonna work in the event :3 Hopefully I can publish some of them in the next week, I have more math presentations xd

❀ Please reblog if you like it! ❀

♡Thanks for reading ♡

@kouffee-ink

↳ ∴ Master List ∴

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authenticcadence18 · 4 years

Text

Can’t Help Falling in Love Ch. 7

HI GUYS!!!!! Sorry about the wait....it has been a busy two weeks😅

I hope you enjoy this chapter!

First Chapter

Previous Chapter

AO3

(also, the formatting of a part of this chapter works better on AO3...I did the best I could to translate it to Tumblr but...yeah. lol.)

...

Take my whole life too…

...

The tears began falling as soon as Isabella was out of the Flynn-Fletcher house. They blurred her vision as she crossed the street, but she didn’t bother to wipe them away. After so many years of visiting Phineas every day, she could’ve walked this route with her eyes closed if she had to.

“Just keep walking, Isabella, just keep walking. ”

She just needed to get home. Home meant safety. Home meant comfort and security.

She used to feel that way about the house she was fleeing now.

Funny how time changed things.

Isabella made it to the porch. She fumbled around in her purse for a bit, trying to find the key by touch alone because she could barely see anything at this point.

“Just have to make it inside, just have to make it inside… .”

She found the key.

“Almost there, almost there.”

Isabella opened the door with shaky hands and quietly shut it behind her.

As the door shifted into place and the lock clicked, the flight-or-fight response that had been fueling her adrenaline for the past few minutes fizzled away, leaving only a weariness that felt uncomfortably familiar and yet heavier than anything she’d ever had to bear before.

When Isabella made it to her room, she grabbed a pillow from her bed, hugged it to her chest, and sat on the floor in a daze. After a few seconds of staring numbly at the ground, her lip quivered, and the dam in her heart finally crumbled as she started to sob.

For the next few minutes, Isabella clung to the pillow like a lifeline, mourning the loss of the easy friendship she’d rekindled with Phineas over the past couple of weeks and wishing more than anything that she could go back to this morning, to the smiles and laughter and way things used to be.

...how could she have tried to kiss him?

How could she have been so reckless? So careless??

“....it just felt so real…..” she whispered, as if to assure herself this mess wasn’t entirely her fault.

(Even though it totally was.)

None of it—the tentative flirting, the soft, adoring looks Phineas had given her, the way her hands had felt entwined with his—had seemed like a daydream. It hadn’t felt like a typical trip to Phineasland, where things were always just slightly off, just slightly too good to be true.

It really HAD seemed real.

And, perhaps parts of it had been real. Maybe they’d actually been holding hands—it wouldn’t have been the first time they did so while singing.

But Isabella couldn’t get Phineas’s reaction to their almost-kiss out of her head.

He’d looked completely, totally, utterly freaked out.

This meant he hadn’t wanted to kiss her.

It also meant she’d likely imagined most—if not all—of the little ways he’d appeared to reciprocate her feelings throughout the day.

...and it meant he almost certainly knew how she felt about him now...and wasn’t particularly thrilled about it.

This was just...the worst.

Isabella had worked so hard to get over Phineas for the sake of their friendship…and ultimately to the detriment of their friendship...for years. And then, within a couple of weeks, she’d dared to open her heart again, to open herself up to freely loving him again without expectations of being loved back, to contemplate the possibility of taking small steps towards a relationship with him when it seemed he might just like her too.

But she’d gone too far without even meaning to. And she’d blown it. Phineas didn’t love her. And now he probably didn’t even want to be her friend.

“Isabella...stop it.”

She was talking to herself now, trying to speak some sense into her brain.

“Phineas is still my friend…” she articulated. “...maybe things are going to be super awkward between us now but...he’s the nicest person ever. He would never stop being my friend…right?”

It was easy to speak these words aloud, to acknowledge that they were logical...but harder to see through the anxiety plaguing her in order to actually believe them.

And it was even harder to imagine her friendship with Phineas ever returning back to normal.

Because the desire. The aching, burning, desperate desire for Phineas to love her...to tell him she loved him so, SO much. The desire she’d vowed to get over years ago, that had been simmering on the backburner ever since she opened her heart back up to Phineas...it was boiling over now. After coming so close to kissing him, to finally revealing her feelings to him (for better or worse)...she couldn’t ignore it any longer.

A part of her wanted to avoid the house across the street for forever and never face Phineas again, sure...but another part yearned to race back across the street and just tell him she was madly in love with him once and for all. Rip the bandaid off, you know?

Things couldn’t get much worse at this point, right? He probably already had a pretty good idea how she felt so she might as well just lay it all out on the table.

Yeah. Tell Phineas she loved him more than anything in the world and completely destroy what little semblance they had left of a friendship after whatever had happened in the recording studio.

…...that was a terrible idea.

But what was Isabella supposed to do now? How was she supposed to sit next to Phineas in class on Monday? And...oh gosh...they had to sing their song together AGAIN. FOR THE ENTIRE CLASS.

hOW was she supposed to get through that???

With a sigh, Isabella grasped for her phone and hesitantly opened up the “Fireside Girl Alum” group chat. She didn’t necessarily feel like roping the girls into this...frankly, she didn’t think they’d be able to understand how she was feeling right now...but she wasn’t sure what else to do. Maybe they could help her come up with some sort of scheme to get out of the performance...it would be like they were kids all over again.

(Deep down, Isabella had no desire to return to the schemes and manipulated situations of her childhood….but what other choice did she have?)

Before she even started to type, though, a new message popped up on her phone.

It was from Ferb.

“Are you okay?”

A small smile appeared on Isabella’s face.

Ferb had never minded listening to her vent about Phineas when they were kids, and she appreciated his willingness to be there for her now. Her fingers hovered over the keypad to admit she was in fact not okay at all...but then she hesitated.

Because whenever Ferb was, Phineas was probably close by.

“is it safe to text you?” she asked.

Ferb’s reply came fast.

“Don’t worry, Phineas can’t see my phone. And I’ll delete these messages once we’re done: this will stay between us. I just want to make sure you’re alright. What happened?”

To an outsider, this exchange might have appeared strange...or even foolish. Was it really smart of Isabella to ramble about Phineas and her feelings for him to his brother? Wasn’t that sort of weird?

But Ferb and Isabella had been friends for a long time, and Isabella trusted him completely. She knew he’d never tell Phineas whatever she had to say...and she supposed he might be able to help her out too.

“I almost kissed Phineas…” she admitted. “I don’t even know how it happened, one minute we were singing and having fun...and the next I realized I was about to kiss him and pulled away because I didn’t want to freak him out. But I think I freaked him out anyway….I hope he’s alright.”

Ferb’s reply appeared a few seconds later.

“So you still love Phineas, right?”

Isabella couldn’t help but chuckle dryly at that.

Did she ever.

“Yeah...I tried to get over him but...it didn’t really work out…lol. I actually sort of thought he might like me back and was going to ask him out when we finished recording our song but...I don’t think that’s going to happen....now I’m afraid I imagined everything and that he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore.”

She added on to that last message after sending it.

“I know that sounds silly, Phineas is the friendliest person ever but...he looked so horrified after I tried to kiss him. I’m just scared I ruined everything.”

It took Ferb a bit longer to reply this time.

“Isabella, I can’t speak for Phineas, but if I know him, I know he’d never want to stop being your friend, no matter what. He cares about all his friends, and I know he must care an awful lot about you because you two are best friends.”

Isabella’s heart swelled at that.

Though she’d told herself something similar only minutes ago, the words rang far truer coming from Ferb than they sounded in her own voice.

“Thanks Ferb. That means a lot coming from you :)”

Another text from Ferb came through after a minute or so.

“Is there someone you can talk to about all this?”

Isabella considered the Fireside Girl group chat...and then sighed.

If she messaged them, they’d probably just send assurances of, “Oh, Isabella, of course Phineas likes you! How could he not?” This might make her feel better for a moment...but not for long.

Their words would not be based in truth...they’d only be telling her what she wanted to hear. And that wasn’t what she needed right now.

“No, not really...I don’t think the Fireside Girls would understand, and my mom is at work. But thanks. Just texting you has made me feel a bit better.”

Ferb didn’t text her back after that. Which was just as well...she supposed he was talking with Phineas. (Or listening to Phineas talk, anyway.)

….she really wished she could ask how he was doing.

But Ferb wouldn’t betray her trust to Phineas, so she couldn’t ask him to betray Phineas’s trust to her.

Imagining Phineas made Isabella’s heart ache all over again.

…..why did love have to hurt so much?

...

Hey. Are you busy?

no I’m free for a bit. what’s up?

Can you call Isabella for me?

I think she needs someone to talk to right now.

sure, but why me? wouldn’t she rather talk to you or Phineas?

wait this has something to do with Phineas doesn’t it

Yup.

oh boy. what happened?

Apparently they almost kissed. And then got freaked out.

I’m with Phineas right now but Isabella is by herself.

And if Phineas is any indication, she’s probably not in good shape.

oh yikes I’ll call her now

anything in particular you want me to say?

Just remind her how much Phineas cares about her.

That’s what I’m trying to do with Phineas right now.

But you can’t tell Isabella he’s in love with her.

They have to do that part on their own.

got if.

I mean got it.

give Phineas a hug for me

Thanks, and I will...he certainly needs it.

Love you

love you too bro :)

someday when they get married we’ll remember this and smile

...I hope you’re right.

...

Isabella startled when her phone started to vibrate...and her eyes widened when she realized who the caller was.

She picked up the phone and accepted the call.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Isabella!!” the voice on the other end sang back. “It’s been a long time, huh? How are you?”

“Hey, Candace...uh….” Isabella rubbed her neck. “I...I’ve been better, actually…..”

Candace remained silent for a moment.

“...in retrospect, ‘how are you?’ probably wasn’t the best question to ask to kickstart this conversation...Ferb told me a bit about what happened between you and Phineas and asked me to call and check on you. Do you want to talk about it?”

A lump formed in Isabella’s throat, and she blinked away a few tears as a wave of gratitude rushed over her.

If anyone could help her talk through any anxiety concerning her relationship with Phineas, it was Candace. She’d dealt with her own share of self-induced romantic turmoil over the years, and she knew Phineas far better than any of the Fireside Girls did.

Ferb must have known that.

...the two of them were the best.

“Oh no, are you crying?” Candace asked. “Please don’t cry, it’s gonna be okay.”

“I’m fine!” Isabella insisted. “Well, I’m not fine...but...yeah. I want to talk about it. Thank you.”

“Ok good!” Candace replied. “But, first thing’s first, it’s past one o’clock. Have you eaten lunch yet? Because if not, go eat something right now. Even if it’s just a tub of ice cream. It’ll help.”

Isabella smiled and slowly rose from the floor with a sniffle. “Ok, I’m going.”

...

“.....so do you want to talk about it now?”

Phineas shook his head. The last time he’d talked about it, about Isabella and the recording studio, it had only made it feel more real. Maybe if he just didn’t talk about it anymore, his current predicament wouldn’t seem as bad as it actually was.

“...Phineas. Come on.”

No. Phineas didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t even want to think about it.

Not how horrified Isabella had looked when she pulled away from him, not the way she’d practically flown out of the recording studio afterward, not the way he’d dared to hope she might like him too……

…..aaand now he was thinking about it.

Curse the complex workings of the human brain.

Phineas felt the bed shift beneath him as Ferb sat at his side.

“PHINEAS. Look at me. Let’s talk about this.”

Phineas stiffly lifted his head from his hands, wiping a few tears away from his face as he did so.

“WHAT, Ferb??” he exclaimed, an unfamiliar sharpness permeating his tone. “What do you want me to say? I thought Isabella liked me back, I was wrong! I got caught up in the moment and tried to kiss her and she didn’t want to kiss me and ran away!! And now I’ve probably ruined our friendship forever!! Which is just! The worst!! Because we were finally hanging out again and spending time together and I spent all of high school wanting to get that back, and when I finally got it back I MESSED IT UP. And now I’m afraid I’ll never even be able to look at Isabella again, much less sing with her at school this week. Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you happy now??”

Ferb offered his brother a small smile and patted him on the shoulder.

“Of course I’m not happy, Phineas. But that IS what I wanted to hear, so thank you. Now I have a better idea of what you’re struggling with, so I can figure out how to help.”

Guilt twisted in Phineas’s chest. Ferb was only trying to be there for him, to support him, and what was he doing? Yelling at him.

Gosh...first Phineas had jeopardized his friendship with Isabella and now he was taking his anger at himself out on Ferb?

What was wrong with him today??

“Ferb, I’m sorry….” He sighed. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you….none of this is your fault, and I know you’re just trying to help...”

“I forgive you.” Ferb wrapped his arms around him. “And I get it. This stuff is hard.”

Phineas sniffled and let himself be held for a bit.

In moments like this, it was easy to remember that Ferb was a bit older than him and thus technically his big brother.

...Phineas wasn’t sure what he’d do without him.

“....thanks, bro. You’re the best.”

“Anytime…” Ferb replied.

“...this hug is from Candace, by the way…” he added thoughtfully. “She’s very concerned about you.”

Phineas chuckled and smiled softly. “Aww...Candace is the best too. Is that who you were texting a bit ago?”

Ferb twitched. “Yup.”

(Technically that wasn’t a lie.)

He sat back a bit and folded his arms in his lap. “So. You almost kissed Isabella, you’re worried she doesn’t want to be your friend anymore….it sounds to me like you’re dealing with a lot of fears right now. Am I right?”

Phineas considered this. “I mean...yeah, I guess I am. Like you said, I’m afraid Isabella doesn’t want to be my friend anymore, and that she thinks I’m weird, and that I’ll completely lose it the next time I see her, and that things will never be the same between us again, and—!”

“Ok, ok, I’m just going to stop you there,” Ferb interjected.

He was trying to calm Phineas down, not get him worked up again.

“First and foremost, Isabella is still your friend and still WANTS to be your friend. That isn’t speculation, it’s just a fact.”

Phineas raised an eyebrow at him. “How do I know you’re not just saying that to make me feel better?”

Ferb, of course, couldn’t go into specifics on how he knew he wasn’t just saying this to make Phineas feel better.

“Because Isabella’s my friend too, remember?” he countered. “I’ve known her almost as long as you have. And I know how much she cares about all her friends. That includes you. Especially you. Because you two are best friends, right?”

Phineas couldn’t help but smile fondly at that. “Yeah, we’re best friends…” A hint of sadness entered his eyes. “....at least...I hope we still are.”

“You are,” Ferb assured him. “Those kinds of friendships don’t just disappear after one awkward moment.”

“But...but Ferb…” Phineas shut his eyes and grimaced. “She looked SO freaked out after I almost kissed her….I mean, she has to know I have feelings for her now, right?”

Ferb shrugged, feigning ignorance.

He needed to change the subject. (Or at least divert it.)

“You said before the ‘almost-kiss’ happened, you thought Isabella might like you back,” he voiced. “Why?”

“Well…” Phineas’s gaze softened, and he blushed and smiled gently in spite of himself. “She kept smiling at me today. And holding my hand. And touching my shoulder. And looking at me in a way that made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside….”

His smile faded.

“But then she ran away….so I think she was just being friendly.”

Ferb bit his tongue to stifle a groan. “ So close… .” he thought.

...maybe he could nudge Phineas towards the truth. Just a bit.

“You know, Phineas, in the recording studio earlier, did YOU get freaked out?”

“Oh gosh, I definitely did,” Phineas replied with a wince. “It was so awkward….UGH…..”

“So….”

Ferb had to tread verrrrry lightly here.

“If YOU got freaked out because you almost kissed Isabella even though you have feelings for her….maybe…..do you think……..”

He paused, hoping Phineas would fill in the blanks for him.

(Because he knew he was pushing it at this point.)

“What?” Phineas replied.

Ferb couldn’t take much more of this. His brother might have been nearing adulthood now, but he was just as oblivious as he’d been when they were kids.

“Maybe…...JUST MAYBE…..” Ferb proposed. “....she got freaked out for the same reason you got freaked out?”

He couldn’t flat-out give Isabella’s feelings away. But Phineas had already speculated she might like him back at this point, right?

So, really, Ferb was just nudging him back towards a possibility he’d already considered.

Phineas’s eyes widened as Ferb’s words sunk in. “But I only got freaked out because I didn’t want to mess up our friendship by kissing her...so….if SHE got freaked out for that reason….you….you think…..you think she might like me back after all? Are you sure? ...I’m just not sure…”

Ferb was going to scream. He was absolutely going to scream. This was ridiculous. Phineas was ridiculous. Isabella was ridiculous. They were both. Just. Ridiculous.

….which apparently made them ridiculously perfect for each other.

Ferb articulated his response as casually as he could.

“......I mean. Anything’s possible, right? But you’ll never know if you don’t try talking to her again.”

Phineas considered this. And he shuddered.

The thought of talking to Isabella when his most recent memory of her involved her staring at him with horror in her eyes and running away from him was just...a little too daunting.

“I….I just don’t know, Ferb…..” he voiced hesitantly. “What if—"

“No.” Ferb had had enough. “No what if’s. You love Isabella, right?”

“Well, yeah!! Of course I do, but—"

“And you love being her friend?”

“YES I love being her friend, that’s why I’m so scared to talk to her because she might say she doesn’t want to be friends anymore—"

“PHINEAS. WE’VE BEEN OVER THIS. She isn’t going to want to stop being your friend!!! And, besides, you can’t let fear stop you from pursuing what you love. In all the adventures we’ve had, every wild invention, weren’t you ever afraid?”

“Well sure I was, but—"

“But you didn’t let that fear stop you!! You pursued what you wanted anyway!! What makes this different?”

“Ferb, this isn’t an invention that will disappear when Mom gets home or an adventure that will come and go!!!!” Phineas countered. He sighed, eyes cast downward. “....Isabella is more important to me than any of that stuff…like, infinitely more important....”

It took Ferb a while to think of a suitable response to that.

Finally he took a deep breath. “....if Isabella’s that important to you, Phineas, then she’s worth the risk. She’s worth overcoming that fear.

“I know you’re scared to lose her, Phineas...but, if nothing else, she’s your best friend. Don’t you want to spend time with her? To keep being her best friend?”

“.....more than anything…..” Phineas whispered softly.

“Then you HAVE to talk to her,” Ferb replied gently. “Even if you’re worried about what she might say.”

Phineas pondered this. “I….I know you’re right, Ferb….but...I’m still scared.”

He wanted to keep being Isabella’s friend, to laugh with her and hang out with her and maybe hold her hand again because he’d really, REALLY liked getting to hold her hand today.

But he couldn’t do that until he actually spoke to her. And figured out just what had changed between them.

The thought of doing that was terrifying.

“It’s okay to be scared,” Ferb replied. He ruffled Phineas’s hair and smiled. “That just shows how much you care. But you can be brave and fight through the fear anyway.” He tapped his chin thoughtfully and added, “I think Isabella is worth fighting for, don’t you?”

Phineas’s face brightened a bit.

Did the thought of talking to Isabella and walking with her and singing with her still tie his stomach in knots?

Yes. Yes it did.

But, he still wanted to be her friend.

And he still loved her.

...he really loved her.

“....she’s definitely worth fighting for….” Phineas agreed.

Ferb grinned and patted him on the back as he stood from the bed.

“THAT’S the Phineas Flynn I know and love.”

He gave Phineas a hand and helped him to his feet.

“Now come on. It’s past one o’clock, we should eat.”

...

“...so, Isabella...let’s take a step back and go over everything we talked about.”

Isabella closed her eyes and took a deep breath, thinking over the conversation she’d had with Candace over the past hour.

“Phineas and I are best friends, and at the end of the day, that’s what is most important and it won’t change.”

“Good. Keep going.”

“I don’t have to worry about him not liking me anymore because he’s quite literally the human embodiment of a beautiful ray of sunshine who cares about everyone and is just the most wonderful person ever.”

“....alright that’s not QUITE how I worded that point but, sure, sounds great.”

“It’s okay to be anxious, it’s a part of being human, but whenever anxious thoughts get the best of me, I can remind myself of what I know to be true—like, that Phineas and I are best friends—and it will help.”

“And?”

“...AND, if it doesn’t help, I can text you. Or Ferb. Or my mom. Or...or Phineas, if I’m anxious about something that doesn’t concern him.”

“VERY GOOD. When I first started dating Jeremy...and throughout my time dating Jeremy...Stacy was always there to listen to me vent, and it helped me a lot. Never feel like you have to keep all those worries bottled up inside, no matter how silly they may seem. Ferb and I are here for you!! And the Fireside Girls are too, although I understand why you didn’t want to talk to them about this.”

“Thank you so much, Candace….” Isabella said. “I still don’t know how Phineas will react when I see him again, but...I don’t feel as worried about it now.”

“I’m glad,” Candace replied. “And I bet he’ll be happy to see you.”

Isabella blushed in spite of herself...and then frowned. “How can you be sure?” she asked. “You didn’t see his face after I almost kissed him…I told you already, he looked super freaked out.”

“Maybe he was freaked out because he wanted to kiss you but you pulled away,” Candace replied without missing a beat.

And then she flinched. And bit her tongue. Because Ferb had said she was not to reveal Phineas’s feelings for Isabella under any circumstances and she’d just sort of. Accidentally done that.

But Isabella didn’t discern the truth woven into Candace’s words. “Yeah, sure, I suppose anything is possible,” she replied with a chuckle. “I highly doubt he wanted to kiss me, though...but I appreciate the thought.”

Candace let out an inaudible sigh of relief. For once, Isabella’s obliviousness to Phineas’s feelings for her was a blessing and not a curse.

“Well, I think Amanda just woke up from her nap,” she said. “Are you going to be okay if I end the call? What’s your plan for the rest of the day?”

“My mom will be home from work soon,” Isabella replied. “So I’ll probably talk to her about everything as well. And until she gets here, I’ll do some homework.”

“Ok, good!” Candace replied. “Just text me if you need anything. And keep me posted!! And, don’t worry...all this stuff between you and Phineas, it’ll work out.”

Isabella managed a laugh and replied, “I hope you’re right…. Thanks again, Candace. You’re the best.”

“Anytime, sister! Anytime. We should totally hang out the next time I’m in town. Maybe over the summer?”

“I’d love that!! Especially if I get to see Amanda again...she’s getting so BIG!!”

“I know!!! She’s growing so fast….aaand I’d better go, because she’s screaming now. Bye, Isabella!!”

“Bye, Candace!!”

Isabella ended the call with a smile on her face.

It felt good to have someone like Candace looking out for her....almost like a big sister.

She didn’t know what the future held for her and Phineas, and there were still a million doubts and worries swimming about in her head.

But now, at least, she knew how go about overcoming them.

...

The remainder of Saturday ambled by without much fanfare. Isabella and Phineas remained in their own respective houses, completing homework and spending time with their families.

They didn’t speak or see each other at all….but they were certainly in each other’s thoughts.

Sunday went by rather similarly.

Mostly.

It took Phineas nearly half an hour to work up the nerves to send an attachment of the duet to Isabella along with a text reading, “thought you might like to hear this! I think we sound pretty great. :)"

When Isabella received the notification, she had to take a few moments to dance around her room and whisper-scream because PHINEAS WAS TEXTING HER. PHINEAS STILL WANTED TO COMMUNICATE WITH HER. HE’D LISTENED TO THEIR DUET AND THOUGHT IT SOUNDED GOOD.

She listened to the song once. As she did, she tried to focus on the musicality of it as opposed to the memories it resurfaced of dancing with Phineas, of holding his hand...of almost kissing him.

From a purely musical standpoint, it sounded amazing.

She almost laughed when the recording faded out. Ms. Chase would never guess what had happened between her and Phineas once it stopped.

It took her a bit to think of the perfect reply to Phineas’s message. She typed and re-typed it at least a dozen times, battling a surge of anxious butterflies that grew larger and larger with each iteration she wrote….until she finally told herself to just send something and try not to worry about it.

“Thanks, Phineas! I think we sound great too. And thanks for putting the finishing touches on the recording, I appreciate it. :) I’ll see you tomorrow!”

Receiving a text from Isabella was like breaking through the surface of the ocean and taking a breath of fresh air. Phineas lunged for his phone as soon as it buzzed and read her response over and over, maybe a dozen times, his smile growing wider and wider every time. He even showed the message to Ferb, exclaiming, “Ferb!!! She replied to my text!!! She thinks we sounded good!!! And said thanks!! Twice!!!!! She said she’ll see me tomorrow!!!! AND SENT A SMILEY FACE!!!!!!”

Ferb just smiled knowingly “I told you she was still your friend.”

...

Isabella hesitated before opening the door and stepping outside.

She stared across the street and waited, fingers twitching, heart perhaps beating a bit faster than normal. She, Phineas, and (usually) Ferb had fallen into a habit of walking to school together every morning, ever since she and Phineas started working on their project...but was this habit broken now?

“ ...what if he already left? Or what if he’s waiting for me to leave? Because he doesn’t want to walk with me? Or be my friend?”

Isabella shook her head firmly and remembered her conversation with Candace.

“NO. Phineas is my friend. He wouldn’t leave without me, at least not without saying something. And Ferb wouldn’t leave without me either.”

She could wait a bit longer. And if Phineas and Ferb didn’t appear within a minute or so, she could cross the street and knock on their door herself.

...

Phineas lingered behind the door, hesitant to even look out the peephole.

“I thought we’d moved past this,” Ferb quipped as he came to stand at Phineas’s side. “Don’t we always walk to school with Isabella now? She’s probably already outside.”

“No, I’m not looking for Isabella, I’m….uh….trying to build up the courage to open the door…..” Phineas admitted. “I know she said ‘see you tomorrow’ last night but...what if she changed her mind? What if she isn’t out there? What if she’s already at school? Or she’s waiting for us to leave? Because she doesn’t want to walk with me?”

Ferb crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at him, and Phineas rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Right, right...fight the fear...Isabella’s worth fighting for...I know…..”

He steeled his courage and, without even looking out the peephole, swung the door open.

And there she was. Isabella. His best friend. Standing across the street. Looking at him.

...smiling at him.

Phineas’s heart swelled.

He’d been afraid he’d never see Isabella’s smile again.

But there she was. Smiling.

He smiled back.

...

“....he’s smiling at me…..he’s SMILING AT ME! HE STILL WANTS TO BE FRIENDS!! CANDACE AND FERB WERE RIGHT!!!”

...

Isabella and Phineas met on the sidewalk in front of the Flynn-Fletcher house (like they always did). There was definitely a hesitance, a carefulness, in their demeanors...but they were together again.

And that’s what really mattered.

...

“...hi, Phineas! It’s nice to see you.”

“Hey, Isabella! It’s nice to see you too. ...how was the rest of your weekend?”

“It was good! I spent time with my mom, got started on a speech for Debate Club...caught up with an old friend...how was yours?”

“It was fine! I spent time with my family too, gave Perry a bath, got a head start on a history assignment I have due Friday…”

“Cool! How's your head doing?"

“Better! The bruise is fading a little each day.”

“Great! So....are you ready for class today?”

“Sure am! And I already emailed our song to Ms. Chase, just to be safe.”

“Oh, awesome! Thanks!”

“Well...I guess we should start walking, huh?”

“Oh! Yeah, we probably should.”

...

Phineas and Isabella settled into an easy rhythm as they started off in the direction of Danville High. Ferb fell in line beside them and listened as they chatted about their respective projects, about whether or not the history of the Tri-State Area was represented accurately in several songs written about it and about which Space Adventure season was the best.

A warm sense of relief swirled around the trio as they walked, propelling them forward into the day.

Phineas was relieved that Isabella was still comfortable walking and talking with him.

Isabella was relieved that Phineas was still comfortable walking and talking with her.

And Ferb was relieved for them (and relieved that his meddling had proven successful after all).

Isabella and Phineas didn’t dare bring up Saturday morning as they walked. (Deep down, they both knew they’d eventually have to talk about it....but for now, they were just glad to spend time together without things being awkward or unbearable. They could address the elephant in the room later.)

At one point, Isabella caught Ferb’s eye as Phineas stared ahead and gushed about why he thought the fourth season of Space Adventure was criminally underrated. She smiled warmly, glanced at Phineas and then back at him, and mouthed the words “ ...thank you… ”

(Because if it weren’t for Ferb and Candace, she probably wouldn’t be walking at Phineas’s side right now.)

Ferb smiled back and nodded his head….and then gestured first to himself, then to her and Phineas, before shrugging with a cheeky grin, as if to say:

“Turns out I was right, huh? Phineas still wants to be your friend after all. So are you going to ask him out?”

Isabella understood what he was trying to say well enough. She tersely shook her head and blushed before looking away.

Phineas still wanted to be her friend and spend time with her. She couldn’t even begin to consider asking him out right now and messing that up.

(Even if the desire to confess her feelings still tumbled restlessly her chest.)

For now, this? Walking together? Listening to Phineas ramble about Space Adventure with the same passion he used to delegate projects and motivate others? Feeling lighter and lighter with each step she took because just being close to him made her feel happier than anything or anyone else ever could?

It was enough.

In fact, it was more than enough.

It was everything.

...

Thanks so much for reading!!! This chapter was EXTREMELY therapeutic to write. 😅

I truly cannot express how thankful I am for all the support and love this fic has received. It means SO MUCH to me! You guys are just the best!!!!!

I don't have any doodles for this chapter (yet, lol), but I AM working on a Phinabella song/animatic that's unrelated to this story here on Tumblr if you want to check that out! :)

Thanks as always to @youruinedmylifebynotbeingreal for being a fabulous beta AND a fabulous human in general! :)

also today is @macaronsforchat‘s birthday!!!!! she’s been supporting this fic from the beginning so I would be remiss if I didn’t give her a shoutout. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEL!!!!!!! ILY!!!

Thanks again for reading, and I'll see you soonish for Chapter 8! :D

#phinabella #phinbella #can't help falling in love #isabella garcia shapiro #phineas flynn #phineas and isabella #isabella and phineas #cadence writes #phineas and ferb #ferb fletcher #candace flynn #phinabella fic #phinbella fic #phineas and ferb fic

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occasionally-writing · 4 years

Text

You’re Mine

A/N: Tagging @this-solaris-life since you helped me bounce ideas off for this fanfic! I’m really tired but I wanted to finish this before procrastination hit and I would put if off until I forgot about it or moved onto something else XD Anyways, I really hope you like the fanfic and everyone else who reads it, I hope you enjoy it as well!

Summary: After Beam gives a girl his number, despite being with Forth, he learns that his actions have consequences as Forth gives him the cold shoulder and the silent treatment until he realizes what he did wrong.

Word Count: 1675

When Beam had said yes to them going out on a date, Forth was possibly the happiest person alive. He had it all planned out! They’d go to eat dinner somewhere and then stop at the mall and look around, observe all the nice Christmas decorations that the mall had put up for the upcoming holiday and maybe even buy a few things if they really wanted to. However, as soon as they were done eating and were walking around the mall, Forth began to notice that they had gotten the attention of some girls who appeared to be all friends. Stepping a bit closer to Beam as he noticed the group of friends nudging one of the girls, Forth let out a sigh as he watched the girl slowly walk up to them, thinking that she was going to try to chat him up. Yet, that wasn’t the case and Forth felt his tension rise as she stopped in front of Beam and giggled nervously, making his boyfriend smile softly at her.

“H-hi! I’m Lawan and um...I just wanted to say that you’re really cute and I was wondering if it was possible if I could get your number?” She muttered quietly, staring down at their shoes as she held out her phone to Beam. Biting back a threatening growl, Forth stepped closer to Beam and tried to take his hand, but when his attempt was slapped away and Beam shot him a warning look, Forth felt his walls closing up as Beam turned his attention back to Lawan, not even bothering to see the slight pain that blossomed in Forth’s eyes. Taking her phone, Beam chatted her up a bit more before he typed his number in her phone, offering her a smile unlike Forth, who turned his glare from the floor to her, trying to scare her away. Noticing Forth glaring heavily at her, Lawan quickly glanced away and took her phone, shooting Beam a bright smile. “T-thank you! I’ll t-text you later! Bye!”

Watching her run off back to her friend group, Beam snickered as he noticed them all cheer and practically dart away, their giggles still filling the air until he couldn’t see them anymore and he was left alone with Forth. Letting out a sigh, Beam glanced over at Forth but soon felt the smile leave his face as he noticed how far Forth had distanced them and how he wasn’t even looking Beam in the eyes. Arching a brow, Beam tried to touch Forth’s hands but twitched as Forth moved away from him quickly and buried his hands in his jeans, not letting Beam anywhere near them. Blinking at the attitude his boyfriend was displaying, Beam sighed and just to play it off. He knew that Forth got emotional over silly things, so he wouldn’t be mad for long...right? And oh, how he was wrong. Throughout their walk through the mall, Beam tried to get Forth to laugh and look at the things that he pointed out, but his boyfriend barely gave him his attention and when he did, it was short lived before Forth moved on from whatever Beam wanted to show him. Coming up to the shop that he knew Forth liked to look around and make jokes about the adult themed objects they sold, Beam reached out and stopped Forth by the forearm, pointing out the store.

“How about we look in here? I know you like it a lot since you have a dirty humor,” Beam asked, feeling his teasing nature disappear when he felt how tense Forth was under his touch. Letting his boyfriend go, Beam stayed silent as he observed the way Forth stared at the shop before he let out a heavy sigh and strolled in, not even looking at Beam. Rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to figure out if he did something to offend his boyfriend, Beam couldn’t think of what he could’ve done so with a groan, he followed Forth in and just stayed close as Forth glanced around. By the time they were done in the store and Forth paid for a pair of necklaces that really looked nice on him in Beam’s opinion, the two left and began their circle around the mall. Not liking the cold shoulder Forth was giving him, Beam reached out once more and grabbed Forth’s hand, holding onto it tightly as they walked, trying to not feel discouraged when Forth didn’t replicate his touch and only stayed tense as they walked towards the exit of the mall. “Forth? Is something wrong? You’ve been quiet since we started walking around…”

Not even responding to Beam, Forth continued walking out of the mall with Beam trailing close since he still had his hand in his. Finally getting to Beam’s car, Beam let go of Forth and shifted on his feet as he watched his boyfriend quickly get in the car and not give him one spare look. Rubbing at his arm, Beam moved towards the passenger side and got in the car, buckling in as Forth started the car and pulled them out of the parking lot, moving on autopilot as he began to drive them back to Beam’s dorm. Biting his lip as the silence of the car was the most uncomforting thing he had ever experienced, Beam jumped slightly when his phone went off before he answered it and was met with the girl he met in the mall. Saying her name out as he talked, Beam registered the way Forth’s hands tightened on the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles were turning white before he finally realized why Forth was giving him the silent treatment. Cursing himself silently, Beam smacked his head against the window and sighed, turning his attention towards Forth as he thought about what to say.

“I’m sorry Lawan...I already have someone special in my life. Yeah...I know I shouldn’t have taken your number...yeah...I’m sorry,” Beam mumbled out, wincing as he was yelled at through the phone before the girl hung up on him, the line going dead as he moved his eyes to her number, moving to delete it right away. Rubbing the back of his neck as he shoved his phone back in his pocket, Beam glanced over at Forth and felt his mood drop as he noticed how truly pissed he really was. Keeping silent as they finally got to the parking lot of the dormitory, Beam waited for Forth to park the car and pull out the keys before he leaped out of the car and met Forth head on as soon as he exited the driver’s side. Practically shoving Forth against the car, Beam clutched the shirt against Forth’s chest and buried his face in his boyfriend’s neck. “I am the worst boyfriend ever...Forth? I’m sorry...I don’t have anything to say about the terrible thing I did...I shouldn’t have done it. Please forgive me…”

Not getting a word from Forth’s lips, Beam groaned from where his face was buried and moved back a little, reaching up so he could cup Forth’s cheeks and rub his thumbs softly under his eyes. Finally getting Forth to make eye contact with him, Beam frowned heavily before he moved closer, pressing their lips together gently. Closing his eyes as Beam initiated the kiss, Forth slowly moved his hands to his boyfriend’s waist and drew him closer, deepening the kiss as he was allowed entrance, their tongues swirling around together before they pulled away, breathing heavily as they kept their foreheads pressed together firmly. Realizing that he stopped giving Beam the cold shoulder, Forth sighed and just stared sadly at him, making Beam’s small smile fall when he saw how glum his boyfriend truly looked.

“You did it again, Beam. The first time I let it slide when we were driving to that camp and some girl called, asking me out...but this time you didn’t even think about how I would feel about you not saying we were together and taking that girl’s number,” Forth mumbled, moving his gaze from Beam’s sad eyes, not letting their eyes meet again until Beam squeezed his cheeks, forcing him to look at him again. Letting out a sigh as he listened to what Forth said, Beam leaned down and rested his head on Forth’s chest, biting his lip as he tried to think about what he could possibly say to make it better for the both of them. Noticing the way Beam was biting into his lip, Forth pulled his head back up and gently forced his lip out of his teeth with his thumb, rubbing Beam’s lips softly with a small smile rising on his own face. Seeing the smile, Beam let a small one appear on his face as well before he nuzzled his face into Forth’s palm. “I guess I can let it slide again...if you let me remind you who you belong to, Beam.”

Feeling the blush rise on his cheeks at the smirk he was receiving, Beam swallowed the lump in his throat and bit back a moan when Forth leaned in and teasingly nibbled against his neck, pulling him closer by the waist until their hips were pressed together. Sliding his hands up Forth’s forearms, Beam clung to his shoulders before the sound of a car horn broke their heated haze, reminding them where they currently were. Pushing Forth away slightly yet keeping his hands on his chest while he nuzzled their noses together. Grinning brightly at the blush that was still staining his boyfriend’s face, Forth laced their hands together and led Beam towards the dormitory, both of them trying not to pay attention to how tight their pants were as they made their way up to Beam’s dorm, Forth keeping his promise as he and Beam had the whole night together, their passion burning hot as Forth proved to Beam that he was his and nobody’s elses.

#2 moons 2 #2moons2 #2 moons the series #forthbeam #my writing

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luckysparrowffxiv · 4 years

Note

Hi again! I apologize if this is a silly question or if it’s been answered before, but would you be able to provide a tutorial or tips on how you set up your performance macros? If you have any resources for it, that would be super helpful. Thanks again! 💖

Hello there!

This is not a silly question at all, and we’ve not had it asked before here, so we definitely don’t mind trying to answer- though before we do, we’d just like to say that there are many different ways to approach performing, not only what we’ll mention, and each have pros and cons, so we encourage you to explore and find one that suits you and your character best. Perhaps our followers can add to this post and add their approaches and experiences?

We mostly focus on timed musical macros. Let’s try to break this down.

1. Music streaming:The idea is to have the emotes run at the same time as the music. For this, you’ll need an account on a video synchronizing site, such as cytube or plug dj for example, which make sure the video is starting at the same time for everyone. Both of these sites are free, and there are others as well - we encourage you to have a look which fits your needs better.Tip: Whatever you use, turn the quality of the video to the lowest possible when performing, and encourage others to do so; makes for less delay!

2. Lyric timing:Once you have the song and the sync streaming sorted, it’s time to bunker down and get to coding. This might be a lengthy process, so try to reserve some time for this. Get your video up and open a text inserting programs such as notepad, or google docs. Listen closely to your lyrics and write down at exactly which second they come up.Example:

Tip: If there are big instrumental breaks, you can try to make notes of those too!Tip2: If you’re not using Google Docs; SAVE the file. Speaking as someone who lost macros and hours of work due to not saving… XD

3. Macro coding:Once you’ve got the timestamp of everything down, it’s time to format the lyrics into the FFXIV macro system. This is a step that has many approaches to it, of course, and many commands can be used. You can see all the commands FFXIV supports here.Essentially though, you’ll want to add a /y command before every line you wish your character to sing, and round the line up with a “wait” command in order to tell the macro how long you wish of it to wait before sending the next command line out. This is what you needed the timestamps for!Example:

You can now delete the timestamps and everything before the “/” symbol. And save again.Tip: /y or /yell lines get repressed if they’re less than 2 seconds apart, so be mindful of that when coding and combine lines if you have to.Tip2: Wait timers can go as low as or 0.25 seconds but depending on ping, venue complexity or crowd size, they tend to round up or down to a full second. So, for versatility issues, we suggest you stick to full seconds if possible.Tip3: A good thing to keep in mind is to replace lyrics where they don’t fit the FFXIV universe. Minutes are measures, hours are bells, days are suns, inches are ilms, miles are malms etc.

4: Macro making:It is finally time to paste your hard work into the game. To do this, you will need to open the “System” menu and choose “User Macros”.

You’ll see a panel with a lot of numbers. Choose a free one and paste the code you made into the big field. You can choose an icon and add a name that will help you remember when to press it during the song:

Tip: Each macro has only 15 lines. You will want to later add emotes between your lyrics which will take a line of their own each, so I suggest not pasting more than 7 lyric lines in each macro.Tip2: Number your macros in sequence, makes them easier to follow!Tip3: The most important macro you’ll ever make is the macro that cancels other macros. This is your go-to “oh shit” button. It looks like this:

Essentially, any macro will cancel other macros, but this one has a non-showing command that will just stop the macro currently running. You might need this if you accidentally press a macro you didn’t mean to press. Macros aren’t emotes so… they’ll just keep going until they’re either done or cancelled so this one is super important! So much so that I have it at the ready at all times.

5. Timing Testing:Once you have all the lyrics in their respective macros, click the macro icons on the left and drag them onto a clear skill bar to make things easier for yourself. It should look something like:

Now, load your song in a prefered sync streaming service that you made in step 1, find a secluded spot (FC room, apartment, barracks etc) and try to press your macros to the song, testing if your timing needs adjustments. There might be some loading issues or half seconds you’ll wish to round up or down? This is the “tweak until satisfied” part.Tip: Keep your Cancel Macro at the ready to stop the macro if you notice it needs adjustments.Tip2: Macro changes save automatically as soon as you click away from them, so make sure you click away before retrying it.

6: Emotes:This is the creative part, but one with a bit of a learning curve - one that gets easier as you go. Take your time familiarizing yourself with how the emotes look and how long they are. You can add emotes to specific lyrics in a row before the lyric, like so:

There are other ways to format to achieve the same result, of course. Fiddle around with emotes and try them to the music until you like the result.Tip: Let your fantasy go wild! Check all the commands supported and go wild! Experiment and try new things.

7: Preparations and performing:Your first few macros might take some practice to get right, so make sure you’re feeling confident you can run them okay. Stage fright is, even behind a screen to shield you, still, a butterfly-inducing experience that, in many cases, never goes away. Take your time, perhaps turn your camera to face your character as you practice so that, when you perform and do the same you won’t see the audience and it might make you less nervous.Tip: Drag an emote of your choice on your bar as well to have it handy. We all mess up, perhaps forget to press a macro or press the wrong one. If that happens - don’t panic. Just click Cancel Macro (told you it’s a life saver!) and press your emote of choice. You’ll catch up on the next macro and it’s going to be okay, I promise. Most people don’t even notice, but if they do; no one will judge you for messing up or being nervous, we’ve all been there!

8: Macro Archiving:Computers crash, need to be formatted, or maybe you just need to use a different computer - so it is a good idea to save macros externally from the game not to lose them. This is where Google Docs, Dropbox or a private discord server might come in handy!Tip: Another way to save your macros is to upload your character to the server every time after you’ve finished a macro, but the more versions of the saved macro you have, the less of a chance to lose hours, if not days of hard work.

9: Take care of yourself!Whether you’re macroing, practising or performing; they’re all tasks that can take a long time. Don’t forget to keep hydrated, fix your posture and rest enough (tips I need to remember too…)!

I think that’s the gist of it? If anyone would like to add tips, please do as I’m sure I didn’t cover everything… but I hope this helps you, friend. Happy macroing, I can’t wait to see what you make!

Stay lucky! 🍀 ♥Inay @x-inay

PS: I wrote “speker” lol… I was in a hurry, try not to judge me… so here’s a tip #10 for the rest of you dyslexics out there macroing; have a friend proofread! ♥

#ffxiv #Final Fantasy XIV #Lucky tips #macroing

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eloarei · 4 years

Text

About the process of creating a book (the not-writing part)

I was asked recently about if making a book was easy or tedious or whatever, and I realized that was actually something I’d like to talk about. I’d never done it before (and still I only have a little experience), but I’ve been teaching myself and it’s been... fun? Behind the cut (that’s still a thing, right?), I ramble about formatting, PDFs, fonts, and some other stuff. (Also pictures, though most of them are the same as the ones I posted yesterday.)

First of all, I had to pick a Print-On-Demand (POD) website. That was easy for me, because finding the website was actually what made me want to make the book. I used Lulu.com, which has worked very well for me the two times I’ve used it. (It has a bunch of bad reviews, but honestly I got just what I paid for both times. They apparently offer editing and marketing services; I can’t vouch for those because I only used the POD service. But personally I wouldn’t trust anyone to edit or market my book, let alone some randos on some website. They’re a POD site. That’s what they’re good at, so that’s what I use.) It would have been almost too easy if they just let me copy-paste the text to them, but understandably they wanted a PDF. PDFs are kind of the bane of my existence, but I downloaded a template from them (for a 6x9 inch novel, with appropriate margins) and then copy-pasted my fic into it using LibreOffice. (I’m so-so about LibreOffice, but it does create PDFs reasonably well.) From there... well, then I had to go through the process of reformatting it. I’d copied the text from my AO3, and that meant that it had spaces between every paragraph and no indents, which is how AO3 fics are typically formatted. It was a lot of Tab-Left-Down-Down-Down-Backspace-Backspace-Enter-Repeat. For 140k words, it took a few casual days. After the bulk of that was done, I realized the indents/tabs looked... weird? They were too big. ^^; Luckily there was a setting in LibreOffice to change them all automatically. I almost cried at the thought of having to do it manually haha. Adding data to the headers and footers came next. I chose to only add the page number to the footer, and nothing to the header. Normally people will have the author’s name on one side, and the book’s title on the other, but I skipped that for the time being. Not sure if I’ll do it for the ‘official’ release. (Somehow my footer ended up being too small, so that’s something I need to look into.) Next I had to pick a font and a font size. I decided to do something a little gimmicky: I have alternating chapters that take place in modern and historical times, so I chose different fonts to represent those chapters. For the historical chapters I chose “Century”, which is a serif font (meaning that it has little embellishments, like “Times New Roman”), while for the modern chapters I chose “Verdana”, a sans-serif font (meaning that it is sans/without the embellishments, like whatever font Tumblr uses). It’s typically agreed that novels are best in serif fonts, because it’s easier to read them for a long session. The embellishments make the letters blend together into visually recognizable words, which is apparently how we read, as opposed to looking at every letter individually. However, because I wanted to be quirky, more than half of my book is in sans-serif, which I’m just hoping doesn’t annoy people. I used Verdana size 11 and Century size 12. Even so, the Verdana still looks too large to my eye, so I’ll probably change it again. After that was mostly aesthetic formatting, which was the actual fun part. I tabbed down I think about 10 spaces at the start of every chapter, then went back up a space or two, increased the font size and changed the font to something slightly fancier and wrote the chapter title (which for me were just “Chapter Five”, etc). (UPON FURTHER SCRUTINY, apparently not all of my first chapter pages are tabbed down the same amount. ugh. ^^; They’re close but not identical. How messy.) Under the chapter titles, I simulated “drop caps” on the first phrase of the chapter, because I didn’t have a good drop caps font. I just did this by retyping the whole phrase in caps, and then changing the first letter to a slightly larger font size. Next were a few easy things: a title page, a few silly “praise for” pages of reviews I got from online readers (these probably won’t be in the “official” version; they just make me smile), a mock-up copyright page (mock-up because I don’t actually have a copyright or anything yet), a short dedications page (mine was just one sentence), and then an empty page so that the story text starts on the right, which is standard. I have bought another self-published book which otherwise looks pretty good, but it starts the story on the left page and it’s just so jarring. At that point, the PDF was pretty much done. I added a few other little touches, like some little fancy dagger icons during in-chapter scene transitions. I ended up with the “the end” page being on the left, which, again, is really awkward, so I found a chapter that only had like two lines on the last page, and went back in and deleted a handful of words in the chapter so that it would end on the previous page instead. THEN came the fun but agonizing part, as I’m not as much of a graphic designer as I sometimes wish. I had to make a cover. The other self-published book I bought looks really nice with a beautiful illustration on the front, but the spine and back had just tiny white text, and didn’t even include a synopsis. So I downloaded a template for a 6x9inch wrap-around cover, tossed it up in Photoshop, paint-bucketed it black, and went to work. I pasted in my synopsis in off-white sans-serif font about the same as my internal font, and bolded some of the key words for... ease of skimming and/or funsies? At the top I added a short dialogue exchange from the first chapter that I thought represented the story as a whole, chose a different font that stood out, and gave it a red shadow so it would stand out more. For fun I added some faint red blood-splatters behind the text. For the front I chose a big bold block-letter font in off-white, then gave it a red and a yellow shadow so it would stand out. I rasterized the font (turning it into a picture), and then used the tool to highlight the letters, and splashed some red blood-splatters on them. I did the same for the spine. (Though really what I should have done was copy the logo from the front and resize it. Silly me. Now the two logos don’t match.) I used Unsplash.com for a few free photos that I quickly manipulated into a passable cover art. Ultimately, I would like to have something either professionally photographed, edited, or drawn, but what I found was vaguely similar enough to what I wanted that I figured it’d do for now. Maybe the last thing I had to do (besides uploading it all to Lulu) was decide on a pen-name! I ended up going with L.A.Rayborn, instead of my legal name. I used my legal first two initials, but chose my birth surname (which is twice removed from my legal name, since I was first adopted and then married). To be perfectly honest, the reason I chose not to use my legal name is mostly because I don’t want to associate my in-laws with possibly-sensitive content that they probably wouldn’t like. SO. Then it was done, and I uploaded it to Lulu, and chose a few options on the site, such as cream pages instead of white, and matte exterior finish instead of gloss. (I highly suggest the cream for novels, but the matte is really just personal preference.) I paid them (I ended up getting it printed and shipped to me for under $20), and then about 2 weeks later I had the 400 page darling in my hands, ready to be eviscerated with a set of neon hi-lighters! After this current round of edits, I already know there’s a ton of stuff I’m going to have to fix (and this is to say nothing of the story). 1. The font is slightly too large, but could probably use a 1.5 or maybe 1.2 spacing between lines. I’ll have to fiddle with it, and see what others do. 2. The back cover text is too close to the edges to really look good. 3. The page numbering just looks odd for some reason. 4. Figure out how to get the page numbers to stay off the copyright and dedications page, etc. 5. MORE THAN ANYTHING, I need to change the... I’m not even sure what to call it? I need to make the text space out evenly so that it creates a block on each page, rather than creating messy ridges on the right margins. I didn’t even think of this until I got the book and started comparing it to professional books I’ve read and enjoyed. It seems like a very rookie mistake.

(lol I’m in the process of changing the main character’s name, which is why the crappy MS Paint edits.) PHEW, that was long. But hopefully my journey was at least a little insightful. Please do let me know if you have any thoughts, questions, or suggestions about how I could better format the book for the “real” printing!

#elo talks #self-publishing #elo fics #elo writes a novel

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thewritewolf · 5 years

Text

Inseparable Chapter 1: Miraculouses

Hello and welcome to the first chapter of my Ladynoir July story, Inseparable! It is bittersweet to reach this point since it is the last of the Love Square months, but I can proudly say I’ve been participating fully this year. I hope you’ll read along daily with me as I tell this Ladynoir story!

With powerful akumas becoming a greater threat everyday, Master Fu has decided that the time for keeping Ladybug and Chat Noir at arm's length is over. They will need his guidance if they are going to win the war, but even more importantly, they will need each other. A simple plan to make them better heroes quickly turns into something more as Ladybug and Chat Noir are drawn ever closer to each other.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31

@ladynoirjuly2019

Enjoy!

Read on Ao3

The streets were dark and cold when Marinette sailed over them with the use of her yoyo. While she liked the rainy late summer nights just before school started, she much preferred experiencing them while she was indoors. Maybe curled up in a heap of blankets and reading a book by lamplight. But a glance at the abandoned streets made it clear why Master Fu would choose now, of all nights, to finally answer her.

Marinette had been hoping that Master Fu lend her some sort of more lasting help in the fight against Hawkmoth. Temporary power ups and heroes of the day were nice and all, but the intensity they’d been facing recently had meant that those sometimes weren’t an option. Even as she tried to not get her hopes up, she wondered what the old guardian had in store for her. He was good about throwing curve balls at her, of offering aid in unexpected ways.

There was barely a thought spared for the route she was taking. As the only one of the pair allowed to meet with the Guardian, this meant she visited him frequently. Or, at least, as frequently as one met with a reclusive, centuries-old hermit. Her arms and legs had long since committed the paths to memory. Even the extra ones routes, added just to throw off anyone who might be watching her too closely. The loose tiles, the strong hand holds, the best places to swing across. All remembered without needing to bother her brain with the details.

The quaint little shop that Master Fu operated out of was lit like a beacon, calling to her from the rain and fog. With as little noise as possible, she slipped in through the back after being sure no one was watching her. Traditionally it was at this point that, safe and secure inside the master’s home, she would drop her transformation and meet with him without a mask getting between them. This time, however, his message had been very clear about her staying as Ladybug for the duration of the visit.

The reason why became obvious when she opened a sliding door to see Chat Noir sitting by himself at the familiar low table, helping himself to the hot tea and cookies set out for them. Just as quickly as she noticed him, he turned his head to look at her, cheeks puffed out with stolen cookies and eyes wide. He swallowed heavily while maintaining eye contact.

“Please don’t tell Master Fu I ate all his cookies.”

Despite her shock at seeing him here, she couldn’t help but giggle. He was her silly kitty, as always. She settled down next to him and took a sip of the tea in front of her. Chat pushed the nearly-empty cookie basket towards her and she looked up to see him guiltily rubbing the back of his neck.

“If I’d known you were coming, I would have left you more than that.” He flashed her a meek smile. “Sorry.”

She took a bite of her cookie, but before she could ask him why he was here, the door leading deeper into the shop opened. Master Fu entered, with Wayzz floating near his shoulder.

“Greetings, young ones.” He sat opposite to them and inclined his head. “We have much to discuss concerning our fight against Hawkmoth.” If he didn’t have their attention before, he had it now. Both of them watched intently as he stroked his beard. “Our enemy is starting to unlock new depths of power to his miraculous. If we continue as we are, then we will be overwhelmed.”

“What can we do to fight him, Master? We still don’t have any leads.” Marinette bit down on the last of her cookie irritatedly. “All we can do is contain him.”

“And even that is getting harder,” Chat Noir chimmed in. “More akumas with weirder powers almost makes it feel like he’s experimenting with what he can do.” Chat frowned and flexed his claws. “Wish we could do that,” he grumbled.

“That is why I have brought you both here today. Our foe is strong, but alone. He lacks the bond that you two share - both as partners, and as wielders of the Cat and Ladybug miraculouses. While our opponent must learn through trial and error, you can be taught and trained.” Master Fu rubbed a thumb idly over his jade bracelet. “I have long years of experience with being one of the chosen, in addition to my duties as a Guardian.”

“Training…?” Marinette blinked. “That sounds great, but why now? Couldn’t we have used this even earlier?”

Master Fu hung his head sadly. “Yes, that is true. Previously, my desire for secrecy meant that I limited my contact with you two. Over the last few months and frequent visits from you, Ladybug, I have decided that those precautions are no longer necessary.”

Chat Noir perked up. “Does that mean-”

“No. The secret identities must remain in place. We must only part with such things when absolutely necessary. Otherwise, we will unduly expose ourselves.”

Chat’s ears drooped. “Yes, master. So what are we going to be doing?”

“Training sessions - martial and meditative, to make your minds as potent weapons as your bodies. Extra patrols, to deepen the already strong bond between the two of you. That would be the nature of what I ask from you.”

“I… see…” Chat had a faraway look in his eyes, as if doing mental math. He turned to her and leaned in close. “What do you think, bugaboo?”

Pushing him away by the nose, she replied, “First, quit it with the bugaboo.” She glanced towards Fu, then back to her partner. Time and place, Chat. She shrugged. “It might be hard to find the extra time, but I’m willing to try.”

Chat nodded. “Then that’s my answer too.”

“Excellent.” Master Fu rose to his feet. “Once I have devised some sort of schedule, I will let the both of you know immediately. For now, I will let you return home. It is late, and I’m sure the both of you are tired.”

As if on cue, Marinette yawned. “Right. We’ll head straight home, Master Fu.”

--------------------

Later, the two of them were looking out at the rain from their spot in an archway at Notre Dame’s towers. Ladybug was seated opposite him, still smiling softly from the joke he’d cracked on their way here. There was a companionable silence between them, a stillness that they didn’t often get when they had time together. Maybe these extra patrols would be worth the loss of sleep, even if his make up artists would have to put in more time to erase the bags under his eyes.

Ladybug glanced at him out of the corner of her eyes. “I see you staring, Chat. What’s on that kitty brain of yours?”

“What?” He feigned innocence. “Can I not simply admire your beauty?”

“You can, but I would have thought those hundreds of pictures of me that you have on your baton would be enough.” She raised an eyebrow with a smile as a rare blush rushed to his cheeks. That had been an embarrassing afternoon for him. Despite her relentless teasing, she had been surprisingly alright with it. Maybe she wasn’t so innocent of it herself?

“It’s like I told you, that must have been Hawkmoth’s doing. No doubt he was trying to ruin my good name.”

“Oh? So you deleted the pictures then?”

“Of course not. Even if I didn’t put them there, how could I pawsibly remove such gorgeous images from my baton? It’d practically be a crime.”

She giggled. “If you say so, Chat.” Her smile faded a little as she looked into the rain. “Looks like we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other in the future.”

“Looks like it.” He stepped away from the wall and took a seat next to her. “Whatever it takes to beat Hawkmoth, I guess.”

“You don’t sound too thrilled about it, kitty. Already getting tired of me?”

“Never,” he replied instantly. “He wants us to grow closer, to strengthen the bond between us and our miraculous. But he doesn’t want us to do it naturally. There is still a wall that we aren’t allowed to break down.”

“Our masks,” she sighed. This was a battle she was getting tired of fighting. “We’ve been over this, Chat…”

“I know, I know, but Master Fu has practically admitted that secrecy is only hurting us now. And yeah, it is his demand, but we’re the ones out there fighting, risking everything. Don’t we at least deserve this much? And come on,” he nudged her shoulder playfully, a grin on his face as he waggled his eyebrows. “You must have wondered who this handsome partner of yours is?”

It might have just been his imagination, but he could almost swear he saw a bit of red dusting her cheeks around the mask.

“Besides that last part, you’ve got a point.” She stood up, twirling her yoyo. “How about we start small? My favorite color is pink.”

“Blue,” the color of the eyes that haunts my dreams.

“See? Now we’re on our way to knowing everything about each other.” She flashed him a smile and sailed away.

Even though he knew she was just kidding, he felt the truth of her words in his soul. Holding this newfound knowledge close to his heart, he made his way home. Although only a few minutes had passed since she left, he was already looking forward to the next time he would see her.

#Miraculous Ladybug #LadynoirJuly2019 #Ladybug #Chat Noir #Ladynoir #Master Fu #ml fanfiction #my writing #Inseparable

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xxx-cat-xxx · 5 years

Note

Peter running away

So, this fic.It wasn´t the prompt, it was just me. I wrote a draft, then changed the storyline and deleted it all. I talked to @awesomesockes, changed the storyline again, and wrote about 2k words more than originally planned. Then amazing @whumphoarder beta´d the hell out of it, for which I´m infinitely grateful. I hope that it´s sort of acceptable now.

Hurt Tony, hurt Peter, Irondad. May and Bruce also play their part. Angst, injury, blood, panic attack, vomiting.

One of These Days

Peter’s spider senses don’t even have time to warn him before the barrel of a gun presses hard into his temple. Tony is still in the middle of an angry lecture while simultaneously blasting a hole into the wall and relaying their status to the rest of the team, so Peter doesn’t blame him when he completely misses the incident.

“ - told you a million times that no means no, but of course Peter Parker has to know better and follow me inside when I explicitly told him not to, because he’s got years of experience fighting evil and -”

“Mr. Stark?”

“Don’t. Interrupt. Me. I have every right to be pissed at you -“

“Mr Stark.” This time it’s a much more feminine voice calling his name, and finally Tony turns his head around. “Step out of the suit.”

In a split second, Tony takes in Peter, the gun against his head, and the woman aiming it. The fingers of his right hand start to move, inconspicuously signalling his armour to do who-knows-what. But it seems their enemy caught the attempt as well.

“Get out of the suit,” she orders. ”Right now.”

“Okay, okay, Ms Trunchbull, no need to get aggressive,” Tony says. He orders the suit to open with a rough gesture before stepping out of it.

Tony is still wearing a Foo Fighters shirt with an oversized print of Dave Grohl’s face, paired with the sweatpants he was working in before the Avengers were called out for the mission, all of which would be funny to Peter if he wasn’t busy decidedly not freaking out about the whole situation. He desperately wishes that the two seconds of warning Tony had were enough for him to do whatever is necessary to get them out of here, because Peter has fucked up big this time.

“Now,” the woman says, a bit of triumph playing into her otherwise calm tone, “make the suit come over to me. Slowly.”

“Not a fan of turning over my property,” Tony says. He’s playing for time, his eyes seeking Peter’s and signalling something urgently. Be ready, Peter reads, and hopes with all he has that he’s right.

“Stark. I won’t wait any longer.”

The woman pushes the gun harder into Peter’s temple. He tries not to flinch, not to show how loud and fast his heart is beating inside his chest. But Tony picks it up, anyway—Peter can see the briefest moment of panic crossing his expression before it is replaced by determination. He gives the suit a signal and it slowly starts moving towards their captor. Peter holds his breath. Any second now, and -

“Down!” Tony shouts in the same moment that the suit blows up and all hell breaks loose.

The shockwave of the explosion hits Peter and throws him off his feet even before he has time to duck. He feels the gun going off more than he hears it, and this is when he is sure that he’s done for. At least I died on a mission, he thinks as he drops, but it’s cold comfort, with nobody saved and nothing gained from dying in a stupid ambush.

But Peter doesn’t die. It’s worse.

There’s a choked inhale on his left, a muttered curse, and then Tony’s body hits the ground, limp and lifeless.

Peter’s brain skips. Suddenly he is kneeling next to the older man, bending over him, pressing his hands into Tony´s stomach where the bullet hit him. There’s blood all over his palms, thick and wet and too much, and he’s never known how bright the colour red can be.

The next thing he knows, he’s lying in a SHIELD medical van. May isn’t there. Tony isn’t there. He’s alone, the world is all wrong, and it is completely his fault.

Peter’s suit is pulled down to his waist, revealing a number of ugly bruises covering his torso. There’s a dull ache all over his body, an IV plugged into the back of his hand.

“… ran right into the trap.”

His enhanced hearing picks up someone talking into a phone just outside of the van. The voice is unfamiliar, but given the scenery, he’s pretty sure that it must be a SHIELD agent—a medic, maybe.

“Stark´s in surgery right now, they say there won´t be any lasting damage. Lucky bastard. We told them a million times that it’s silly to take a child on missions. But you know Stark, he’s even more stubborn than he is rich. Hope he learned his lesson.”

The realization that Tony made it through is dwarfed by the enormous wave of guilt that washes over Peter.

He doesn’t think when he stumbles down from the gurney and onto his feet. The IV is pulled out even before the dizziness in his head has settled. The suit follows next. He grabs an oversized SHIELD sweater from a hook where someone has left it and throws it on without caring how the sleeves dangle, empty, over his hands.

And then Peter runs.

Several of his ribs must have been broken in the explosion, as each pace is accompanied by a stab of agony around his chest, and there’s a burning kind of pain on his shins and forearms where the skin has been grazed. But it’s good. It gives him structure, distraction, something to mute his thoughts while he makes his way through the city, not caring about which direction he’s going and never looking back.

Peter stops only when the pain gets so bad that he can’t breathe anymore. Then he stumbles into the entryway of a house in a shady neighbourhood, presses himself into a corner and wraps his arms around his knees. It’s cold, and for a moment he longs for the suit’s integrated heater before remembering that these days are over now. That Tony will take the suit, again, and this time there won’t be any second chances. Peter is not even angry. He probably deserves far worse.

It’s hours later, when the cold starts to seep into his bones and he can’t stop trembling, that he starts to realize the gravity of the situation he’s brought on himself. He doesn’t have money, or even his phone. He definitely won’t be knocking on people’s doors at night and ask for help, not in boxers, not with blood still smeared all over his arms and legs.

The pain around his ribs hasn’t let up; they’re not healing as they should between the cold slowing him down and the hunger gnawing in his stomach. The ache and exhaustion are making him lightheaded.

He doesn’t realize when he lies down, but at some point, he finds himself curled up on the floor, biting his lips bloody in order to stop his teeth from chattering. He’s not sure if he could get up even if he wanted to. He’s not sure if he cares either. The last thought that comes before he passes out is whether he´ll at least be allowed to say good-bye to Karen.

It’s Bruce who finds him. He must have been trying to rouse him for a while, because there’s fear edged around his mouth and a hint of green on his neck when Peter opens his eyes.

“Finally.” He sighs with relief when Peter blearily glances up at him. “What on earth were you thinking?”

“Nothing,” Peter mutters. He shakes his head awake, then stops dizzily, but the world doesn’t cease spinning around him. The memories come back in a disorienting rush.

He closes his eyes again.

“No, you stay awake with me, Peter,” Bruce says with an urgency that somehow manages to get through the haziness clouding his thoughts. “Here, drink this.”

He presses a bottle of water into Peter’s hands. His fingers are numb, and half of it spills down onto his shirt while he tries to drink. The drops feel warm on his icy skin.

“Are you hurt?” Bruce asks.

“No,” Peter says without caring to check whether that’s true. Then, because he has to know, even if he’s scared of the reply, he asks, “Is Mr. Stark okay?”

“Yes, Peter. They had to do an emergency surgery, but he is stable now. He mistook me for Jarvis the first time he woke up, but once he’s thinking clearer he’ll want to know where you are. I’m glad I found you before he realized what’s going on, or else he’d probably go looking for you with IV bags trailing behind him.” Bruce chuckles a bit before he turns serious again. “We were all worried, kid, your aunt most of all.”

“May called you?”

Bruce nods. “She thought you’d spent the night at the compound, but when you didn’t message in the morning, she got nervous.”

“What did you tell her?” Peter asks, his voice trembling a bit.

“Well, Jarvis picked up your face on the security footage just before that. Otherwise we wouldn’t have had a choice but tell her the truth. Pepper told her that you were at training and will call her back once you’re done.”

Pepper lied for me, Peter thinks. He wouldn’t have thought it possible to feel even more guilty, but somehow it happens. It must have shown on his face, because Bruce’s expression softens visibly.

“Look, Peter. I’m not great at people stuff,” he admits. “You need someone else to talk to right now. But I promise that nobody is angry at you. Let’s get back to the compound, and you’ll see everything is alright.”

You can’t know, Peter thinks. You weren’t there when I nearly got Tony killed. You weren’t there the last time he took the suit.

But he gets up all the same, steadying himself on the wall, and whispers back, “Okay.”

“Pepper made me promise not to crack any jokes that could potentially aggravate your guilt, but honestly, it’s so hard to resist right now.” Tony grins through half-lidded eyes.

Bruce has forced Peter to call and reassure May, shower, eat, and drink a litre of water before finally letting him see Tony. The engineer is propped up in a hospital bed, tubes and wires sticking out of him at odd places, and, in his own words, he’s high as a kite.

“You look like a sad puppy, kid,” he giggles, and Tony Stark giggling is definitely the weirdest thing Peter has seen this week, Ned’s YouTube history included. “Like those kids they use in aid commercials for orphanages.”

Peter doesn’t know what to say. He’d braced himself for a lot of things, but this is definitely not what he expected.

“But seriously? Leaving your suit and taking off?” Tony continues.

He’d barely been awake when Bruce had explained the situation, so Peter can’t help but admire that he even remembers their talk despite the mashed-up state his brain must be in from the post-surgery meds cocktail. “I understand that SHIELD medics are scary, and you’re definitely not the first one to bolt from a van, but that’s more a move I’d expect from Barton. Or myself.”

“I wasn’t thinking,” Peter starts. “I just - “

“See? Told you he’s doing okay,” Bruce interrupts, opening the door with his shoulder since his hands are full between the two smoothies he’s carrying. He sets one on Tony’s nightstand and presses the other into Peter’s hand.

“So, how are you feeling?” he asks, facing Tony.

“’m good,” the man declares unconvincingly. He rubs his eyes with one hand and his face screws up in pain at the movement. “If I promise not to stand up too fast, can I get back to the workshop?”

“Sure,” Bruce snorts, not bothering to hide the sarcasm. He fiddles with the IV and Tony’s features relax visibly after a few moments. “Tell me, what is it you’re working on?”

“It’s top-secret, Brucie.” Tony frowns as if trying to concentrate, his eyelids drooping ever so slowly. “’m tired. Tell Dum-E…make some coffee…”

The rest of the sentence is lost as Tony’s eyes fall shut and his hand goes slack over his face. Bruce places it back down on the mattress with a gentleness Peter has never noticed about him before.

“You should get some rest, Peter,” Bruce says, turning back to him. “Your aunt is on the way, but knowing the rush hour traffic, she’ll take at least half an hour to get here.”

“Yeah,” Peter mutters. The realization that she left work early for him—because of him—adds another knot of guilt to his stomach. He doesn’t want to go out and face Pepper or the other Avengers. “Can I just sit here for a few minutes?”

“Sure.” Bruce gives him a once-over. “But promise that you’ll finish that smoothie.”

Peter nods. He waits until Bruce shuts the door before looking back at his mentor.

The hospital gown Tony is wearing has slipped out of position, exposing the large network of scars on his chest where the arc reactor had once been. It’s the first time Peter sees it up close. He thinks of the massive hole that must have been there in Tony’s body to create such a scar, and then thinks of the bullet that tore through him because of Peter’s stupidity.

Peter blinks and suddenly feels himself back on his knees, Tony’s blood soaking through his clothes. His stomach clenches. Peter swallows thickly, tasting the sandwich he had earlier at the back of his throat. He sets the smoothie down on the table as far as possible away from him.

There’s still blood under the fingernails of his right hand. He picks at it, but it won’t come off—just sticks to the nail of the other hand instead. Peter can feel his breaths speeding up, his chest going tight, and suddenly tears are streaming down his face.

He stumbles to the adjacent bathroom and lets himself sink onto the tiled floor. He hugs his legs to his chest and cries and cries and cries, over everyone he’d put in danger and everyone he couldn’t save.

There’s blood everywhere and air won’t reach his lungs. He’s sobbing, then choking, then gagging. Bile runs down his chin as his vision starts going black.

“Breathe, Peter, in and out,” a voice says firmly, and Peter tries. The first inhale does nothing to help him feel better. The second as least sends a bit of oxygen back to his brain. The third brings sick with it.

“Over the toilet,” Tony directs, pushing him towards the bowl. Peter bends over it and heaves up the remainders of a sandwich, the broken ribs screaming in pain, tears still running freely down his cheeks.

“I’m so, so sorry,” he chokes between retches.

“It’s alright, kid,” Tony replies, his hand steady on Peter’s back. “You’re okay.”

Peter is sure he isn’t, but at least he can breathe again, and the nausea is slowly letting up. He takes the glass of water Tony hands him and rinses his mouth.

“Now. If you think you’re done, we should consider moving back to the room. I’ve got approximately 18 seconds until I pass out, and I’d really, really, like to avoid doing so on these bathroom tiles.”

Peter looks up at Tony, who is standing, albeit barely, colour draining rapidly from his face.

“I’m sorry,“ he repeats, wiping his mouth roughly and getting up.

“Save it for later,” Tony says, his voice a bit shaky. He closes his eyes when Peter puts an arm around his mentor’s shoulders to support him back to the bed.

“Should I call a doctor?” Peter asks hesitantly.

“Nah, just - need a moment,” Tony says through gritted teeth. It’s evident that he’s hurting, but the last thing Peter is going to do is call for help against his will.

They sit on the edge of the mattress for a bit, Tony breathing deeply in an attempt to get the pain under control, Peter sniffling occasionally.

“Now, will you tell me what that little episode was about?” Tony asks. He takes a deep breath and finally opens his eyes.

“Nothing,” Peter says quickly. But he can still taste the bile at the back of his mouth - still feel the blood slick and warm on his fingers.

“Peter, “ Tony urges, “I’ve got a hole shot through me, I’m half-drugged up, and I’m definitely not a patient person on my best days. So please, let’s just skip to the part where I have consoled you enough that you open up to me and tell me why the hell you were gone the whole night and then had a breakdown in my bathroom.”

“It was all my fault,” he whispers, finally letting out the words that have been echoing in his head for a so long. He doesn’t look up at Tony. “I followed you into that building, and you got hurt because I screwed up.”

“Yeah, I already know that much,” Tony says flippantly. “So what?” He waves his hand in a casual gesture. “We are superheroes, or whatever you call that nowadays. Getting shot is an occupational hazard.”

“But…” Peter is at a loss for words. “I didn’t listen to you,” he says helplessly.

“And you certainly learned your lesson.” With a groan, Tony pulls his legs up on the hospital bed and lets himself sink back against the pillows. His words reverberate in Peter’s head and the memory of the medic saying the same line about Tony comes back to him.

“You’re-You’re still going to let me go on missions? You’re not gonna take the suit?” he asks, his heart beating fast, as if saying the words loud would make Tony change his mind immediately.

“The suit?” Tony gives a short laugh that turns into a hacked cough. “It’s not like you’d stop being Spider-Man if I take the suit away. And I wouldn’t want you to, either. The last thing we need is another vigilante roaming around the streets of New York. I’d rather be the one in control of your activities than watching you go underground.”

He grimaces painfully as he dabs a bit of blood from his lips. “Internal injuries, nothing to worry about,” he adds upon Peter’s alarmed gaze.

“You-You should probably -”

“You are not in any position to tell me what to do, young man,” Tony warns. “Just because I’m not going all Howard Stark on you doesn’t mean I’m not still pissed off. ”

“Yeah,” Peter breathes. “Okay.”

He knows that he should be relieved. And he is, sort of. But the guilt is still sitting hard and tight around his heart.

His thoughts are interrupted when Bruce comes back to tell him that May just arrived.

“You’re better now?” Tony asks when Peter hesitantly gets up from the mattress. The pain in his mentor’s eyes is duller, but he looks infinitely more tired.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Peter says.

“Good.” Tony is slurring a little now, his eyes fighting to stay open. “See you in the lab tomorrow.”

“In your dreams,” Bruce snorts. “You try again to get out of this bed in the next 48 hours and Pepper will lock down the suits for a month.”

“That’s not fair,” Tony protests weakly. Bruce hides a smile.

May still smells like hospital disinfectant, but she also smells like home.

“So, what happened?” she asks once they are sitting in the car. “The last time you had this look on your face was when you and Ned used up my perfume for a science experiment. And I’ve seen the news, so don’t tell me that it was just a training weekend.”

“I - Mr. Stark got hurt. Because of me,” Peter confesses. His voice sounds so, so small.

“I see,” May says. Then she doesn’t say anything for a while. And it’s good, because she doesn’t ask how he is feeling, or what he needs, or any other questions he can’t answer. She keeps an arm around him while Happy drops them back at the house, then nudges him into changing back to his own clothes and makes him the largest mug of hot chocolate he’s ever received in his life.

He’s sipping it when a bit of it drops on his pyjamas. It’s not red or even remotely resembling blood, but it’s enough to make the tears start all over again.

“I- I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” he mumbles, wiping his eyes futilely.

“Nothing’s wrong with you,” May says. “Sometimes the world can be too big, even for Spider-Man. It’s okay to be overwhelmed.”

She hugs him tightly, holds him close until the tears dry out.

“What, none of your genius superheroes thought of simply giving you a hug?” she teases, and he chuckles through the sobs.

He’s not alright, but then, nobody ever is. Especially not superheroes.

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the-textbased-jiaqiverse · 5 years

Text

[Start of Log 073]

Log 073: The Cigar

*sighs* This is my fault... well not all my fault! Why do I have this story to tell today you may ask—if you may ask I mean—it all begins with John and James.

Yes, I write and save little love letters and love poems to Dice, yes, I do that ok? Just dunno how to up and say it to him sometimes... but I think he might have read them though, somehow... I probably deleted thousands of drafts and stuff. Hey why do I mention stuff I deleted? Well...

I needed this file from our archive, I needed John and James to pull it out, what happened is that I wanted to get it as fast as possible so I forwarded these wishes to John and James, I didn’t want to hang around them when it seemed like they always have the words *quotes*“we want to embarrass you BADLY” written on their faces recently. Right, I told them to look for file 021125, and observed them type in 155... not a joke! 115 oops, 155! I was like, “I was NOT telling you how many of these numbers are there, it’s 1 zero, 1 two, 2 ones, then 1 two and 1 five!” It was when they literally typed in 1012211215 that I realized they were trying to stall me, and well, build tension for something they possibly waited for a long time to do. I didn’t want none of that crap, so I shouted, “just type this in! Digit by digit alright?!! 0, 2, 1, 1, 2, 5!” That was easy right? No they entered sloth mode!

“0”, yes you typed zero, hooray! Now go for two, that’s right, it’s right there, look IT’S RIGHT THERE! Just put your finger on it, no no no why are you now pointing to 1, I said 2!! Oh that’s right now you’re there, type 2, 2, 2!!!!!!

“2” oh thank God! Now go for 1, yes 1, no not 0 NO NO NO! Ok yes, 1, yes. Should I remind you of the next three numbers? Because at this rate when you finished typing the 1 you would’ve forgotten the next three numbers already!

“1” on second thought, if I reminded you the 125 you might just mess up the entire file number so we have to start over if I can guess what you are thinking. WAIT WHY ARE YOU GOING TO 0? Look you don’t have to start from 0 and move to the number every flipping time!

“1” this is an eternity! Wait is it just me or did you slow down? Can you be ANY slower than you were just now? Apparently yes! OMG I can feel my life flash in front of my eyes. I still have so much to do and so much to fix! Have I told Dice that I loved him?

“2” if it wasn’t for the little screen with the search bar I would have forgotten where we were at myself! ............................................................

*reenacts the scene himself* “5” FINALLY!!! Now you just have to click “search”... wait a sec...... UUUUUUUUHHHHHH!!!!! They can still drag this on!!!!!!

*keeps reenacting* right so John finally clicks “search”, and the file shows up right? So I directed, “tap on it!”, so the file would be extracted, but........... how does one accidentally click on the delete button while opening up the file??!!! Especially when you are made to do things for us with precision and elegance?!

*reenacts the convo* “Hey boozoos! You know I would go to Dice about your, INCOMPETENCE right?” “Aw chill out, don’t go yet, we can still recover the file,” John said it without a thread of dread, so I know something had to be amiss, because they are usually scared of Dice hearing about them messing with me. “JUST GET ME THE FILE!!!” “Ok Boss,” but recovers something else, “oh what’s this? ‘Dice, not a moment passes without me thinking of your soft skin, oh how I longed to have you in my arms!’ What is this cringe Boss? Oh and, ‘you are life’s greatest gift for me’, why is this in the trash Boss? Little pieces like ‘when you and I are alone I gained my own piece of heaven,’ why this cringe Boss? You know practically everyone working in this casino can see this, don’t you? Why don’t you report your little works of art to Mr. King Dice too?”

I practically broke into Dice’s office after that!

Dice just stared at me knowingly and said, “it was John and James again wasn’t it?” I almost cried and I thought it would be very clever to say “Dice you love me right?” And confess that I wrote some cringeworthy stuff about us two, just before I let Dice get back to work... probably became one of the reasons why Mr. Wheezy turned out like this...

I thought Dice couldn’t look more dumbfounded than he did then—when I confessed, but I had a whole new idea after seeing his reaction to Wheezy’s nonsense.

So, Wheezy’s first day on the job. I actually liked him a lot, Wheezy is really just a simple guy, he fit right in with our existing staff, he is very down to earth, everyone liked him. The best part? Wheezy is not trying to play tricks all the time like John and James would do, he was so enthusiastic and was very good at his job. I heard from James that Wheezy threw that arson rat out long before he got mad and torched our property again, just because he thought that guy didn’t feel right. Wheezy was lit, literally. Every one of our employees cheered for him.

Huh... you know, why would Dice light that stupid cigar right? Probably because of the fact that he was really distracted by my cringe stuff...

I was happy about all Wheezy’s hard work, but James up and said that guy was for some reason very off, and I should keep a good eye on him. At the time I even teased James, “Aww you probably thought he’s off because you are jealous that I liked him more than you and John, Wheezy listens to me without trouble at least, UNLIKE YOU TWO, haww-hawww, be jealous pal, be very jealous.” I should have paid attention when he said, *impersonates, reenacts the tone of urgency* “I am not joking around this time, I’m being serious! John thinks so too.” But I didn’t think much of it, I mean, Wheezy’s perfect as long as he does whatever Dice and I wanted him to do without overthinking or messing around, the casino is never this in order—something would always go wrong with those costumers—this peace and quiet is all thanks to Wheezy kicking the rat out. I seriously thought Wheezy is like a lucky charm! Why didn’t I realize that those days could have been just some of our quieter days.

Wheezy ended up not being very busy, then he apparently wanted to just walk around and find somethings that he can lend a hand to. He did find something...

Right after offering to heat Mangosteen’s dinner, which is NOT part of his job, Wheezy found out Pip and Dot had a gas leak going on in their room, he volunteered to fix the issue, which is also NOT part of his job. Needless to say, lit cigar plus gas right?

BOOOOOOOOM!!!!!

Now I get it! Wheezy is trying way too hard to do ALL the jobs just because he might want to feel validated and he liked that feeling.

Dice told me later that night that he intended to be calm and collected when he had to talk to Wheezy about how half our staff quarters exploded, but he just can’t hold it in... when Wheezy accidentally made a pun. He tried his best to calm himself again and explained why the explosion happened to Wheezy—Wheezy had no idea why!—he has to explain as best as he can. It seemed that Wheezy did understand, and he said he would stay far away from future gas leaks. After all this Dice is just completely and utterly exhausted.

As we were drifting off to sleep, Dice got a call and this is when his jaw just dropped, that was the most dumbfounded he had ever appeared to be. John and James were tasked to fix the gas leak, clean up and restore our staff’s rooms, that should have taken no longer than 5 minutes, but somehow in that little interval of time mangosteen was just UNBEARABLY hungry and wanted more food, mind you he had dinner—the dinner Wheezy heated for him remember?! His room was one of those that was completely taken out by the explosion, and he can’t wait 5 minutes. So being the good *ironic*“resourceful” person he is, Wheezy offered to heat a can of food from his room for Mangosteen, HHHHHHH...... HAHAHAHAHA, I shouldn’t be laughing but, let’s describe it with Wheezy’s own words like how John did on the call, *clears throat* “I read the label on that can, it said ‘DO NOT PUT CAN IN MICROWAVE OVEN’, so I poured out the food into my metal pot and put that into the microwave, I’m not stupid.”... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... and then “Well of course I put the metal pot in there too! Geez I’m not going to just put the food in there silly” And the microwave caught on fire, our staff tried to put it out but it didn’t work, so now the remaining half of their quarters is gone as well, John and James didn’t even know how to tell us about that! After 1 minute of silence Dice finally told them to split up, keep an eye on everyone as the other quickly rebuild everything, otherwise no one would get any rest at all. Guess who got no rest in the end, Dice, he was so... shocked, he spent this whole night making this group of cigarettes to “assist” Wheezy—actually to keep him under close watch.

Fast forward to yesterday, 3 days after the last gas leak incident.

Everyone got along just well, especially Wheezy and the cigarettes, they bonded like brothers. They are like heroes to the majority of our staff, lending helping hands and keeping potential troublemakers away. You think everyone would hate Wheezy’s guts after what happened with their quarters right? Apparently not... For some reason. This time they really want to impress Dice and I, maybe to make up for the fact that they made such a mess, or get more validation, idk. The problem is that they went to an extreme length. They were everywhere, and they are *quotes*“nice” to the point that it’s intimidating! Once, Wheezy and two cigarettes actually followed Dice into the washroom and asked if he needed assistance there, I didn’t hear that part at that time but I did hear a loud “EXCUSE ME?!!” from Dice. I dragged them out and nearly beat them dead. Dice stopped me, why Dice I should’ve beat them dead so they wouldn’t cause all this trouble yesterday! At that time Dice probably wanted to believe that they’re just not clever enough and we have to patiently explain EVERYTHING to them, including personal boundaries, and what their jobs actually include.

John and James couldn’t focus on their jobs because they spent so much energy on watching the cigarettes, still had that lingering doubt about them. You see, John and James didn’t check the pressure of our gas lines or something and there was an even bigger leak starting out from our basement. Guess what, being the room closest to the basement, Pip and Dot’s room is once again filled with the smell of gas, and they just assumed there’s a leak in their room again. What did they do may I ask? Did they go to John or James, or Dice, or me with the problem? NO, they turned to their group of friends, which unfortunately includes Wheezy......

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!!!!!!!

Half of our casino was gone with the blast!

And yeah... we somehow managed to be calm enough to clean ourselves up and have a late dinner like nothing stupid happened.

I checked with everyone, and imagine my surprise when I found John and James working alone on rebuilding the casino. Then it hit me, I really haven’t seen Wheezy and his cigarettes!

This is what I found them doing...

At that point it was already late, and Dice was still covered in ashes, I had to pull him away from the situation because I can clearly see that they are not on the same page.

It was then I found out from Dice, that he found out from our staff, that Wheezy did want to dive headfirst into the gas again! Wheezy completely forgot about the last incident and what Dice tried to tell him! Which means he had to repeat all that once again... Luckily the little cigarettes stopped him and reminded him that HE cannot go near the gas leak and Wheezy was all “yeah yeah yeah”. According to our staff the cigarettes also prevented him from putting metal into the microwave YET AGAIN, so thumbs up for them there. Then why was there still an explosion? That’s because Wheezy worked his magic and convinced one of the cigarettes to go repair the leak in his place! Why not ANYONE ELSE? I DON’T KNOW! It was then I knew stupidity is probably contagious... all I need to say is, that little cigarette that went in is of course, lit!

Now I get it, saying Wheezy is not allowed to fix gas leaks was not enough, we have to address each and every cigarette and tell them they are not allowed to do so as well! But what’s weird about this is that while this time Dice tried to tell them all that they can’t help with a gas leak, because they are lit cigarettes, Wheezy just blew into this sudden rage and exploded about how being cigarettes didn’t mean that they can’t help and he didn’t like how Dice kept thinking cigarettes are not good enough. Then he called Dice every name in the Inkwell version of a dictionary. This came out of nowhere whatsoever! Did something ridiculous just click to him somehow? We never said or indicated ANYTHING like that to them right? Knowing Wheezy he probably wasn’t trying to, or plainly couldn’t make this kind of a joke for laughs, he basically accused Dice of thinking all that. The biggest issue is that Dice couldn’t get them to understand that they took what he is saying wrong, therefore the conversation went between Dice talking about how scientifically, LIT cigarettes can’t mix with gas, and Wheezy taking that and applying that to all things unrelated and believing further and further that Dice is just not willing to give him this pet on his back no matter what he does, because of an unrelated reason, so Wheezy hates an idea that he gets out of whatever Dice is trying to say even when that’s clearly not what he meant AT ALL, and he feels the overwhelming need to attack Dice for it. UHH!! Wow I wish I listen to John and James, I mean they were right about most people!

Hey I hope Wheezy snaps out of this eventually right?

[End of Log 073]

Lmao when Mr. Wheezy says “I’m not stupid” and proceeds to tell someone else that they’re “silly” after burning his microwave oven

Inkwell version insults, what would all of those be like?

Piece the timeline together (use hints like the log numbers and certain contents), otherwise it wouldn’t make sense how one minute Wheezy hated KD then the next he worshiped him

There’s a follow-up to this!

#cuphead #cuphead don’t deal with the devil #cuphead fanfic #cutscene characters #skeletons #king dice #cuphead king dice #cuphead devil #snake eyes #cuphead snake eyes #devil dice #mr wheezy #cuphead mr wheezy #hocus pocus #phear lap

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mojput-mypath · 5 years

Text

Is life getting better?///Poboljšava li se život?

WOUNDED HEARTS

The most beautiful poems came out of wounded hearts. Or fulfilled ones. It is that moment when your heart falls into the depths of its own core existence. From the depths it yells, only one cannot hear it well from the outside. Yells, screams even, in pain, or out of love. Both seem painful, torturous, insane.

When I am so filled up with happiness, love and understanding, my heart contracts and cannot handle the greatness. It feels small, not ready. Like a river breaking through a dam; in those first moments the river is unbearably loud and powerful, then slowly calms down.

THE LIFE OF THE LAMPLIGHTER

Unusual is this life that is given to us, that we somehow have deserved to receive. It teaches us via hardship and happiness, sometimes both at the same time. If an event is sad and another not, which one will surface as more powerful? The chains of societal opinion would say: now, when sadness is present, you have no right to be happy, not for a split second. And vice versa, when an event is a happy one, there is no place left to be saddened, even for a moment. Because that is the law. Like the life of the lamplighter in the Little Prince book. That is exactly how our lives work. Life occurs in between fulfilling two orders. If you would to close your eyes for a moment, and not turn on, nor turn off the lamp, an entire world would fall apart. Would it really?

Lamplighter, The Little Prince/Fenjerdžija, Mali Princ

WHAT IS ESSENTIAL IS INVISIBLE TO THE EYE

That would be one side of the coin. The other is the unseen world of feelings, thoughts and intuition. Unusual happenings, small coincidences and the magnificence of nature in its supportive and destructive form. Life is full of small and large miracles, friendships, life and love. Utterly untameable by rules and ideas, wild and free: life in its most wonderous form. Unpredictable, unreasonable, fulfilling. Fairytale-ish, cannot be caught in mere words, thoughts and emotions. Life as it is, naughty, supportive, crazy! It seems to be in vain to try to understand the details of the weave of life that surprises, impresses and loves, yet not to simultaneously see the big picture, one that we all attempt to encompass with our small little minds, in hope to give life an adequate explanation.

SILENCE COURSE

Christmas went by in silence, in the agony of silence, where the darkest thoughts of hate and resentment were obsessing me from beginning to end. At the very end, a small twig that I was could not have resisted the river of blessings, so I came out of silence overwhelmed by a deep peace and forgiveness to myself and others, with love.

Silence course participants/Sudionici tečaja tišine

FOREST WALK

Then I was rewarded: in the form of a very long nature walk, one that won me over completely. The beginning was tough, but very soon it was totally worth it. Truly, nature was incredible that day. For a long time, we found ourselves, symbolically, above the clouds, after that short and steep climb. The view was breath taking and heart stealing. The length of the walk was quite something, together with the darkness on the way back, it reminded me, amongst other things, how resistant I am to every, and the smallest of weaknesses.

Black Forest view/Pogled na Crnu Šumu

WORKING NEW YEAR’S

Then it began. The madness. Rivers of people, dominos of responsibilities, demand and delivery. Days during which “I” completely fades out and the only thing remaining is “What can I do for You?”. These moments of losing the “I”, is an eternally rewarded loss. On one hand it seems insane to work from early morning till late, late at night, when the mind is not able to shut down anymore, overflowing with responsibilities, missions and solutions. And it went on for days. The only breaks being deep meditations with the Teacher. Those moments were the only true rest.

Happy feet resting/Vesele nožice odmaraju

TEACHER’S ERRAND BOY

I have received a beautiful mission, that seems like an undemanding and simple task: to take requests for meeting the Teacher. Everybody has an important question, an important project, a very important family situation and everybody not only wishes, but NEEDS to have this long-awaited meeting. I was the person to take the requests and then passed the baton to others, who passed it on to the Teacher. As our Teacher is a bit mischievous, no meeting occurred when someone had expected it to, or planned it to happen, but exactly when the timing, place and way was ideal. Nobody had any influence over this, even though our little heads seemed to think we had. The task was simple. Secretarial. Write down the info, let them know when the meeting will happen. Nevertheless, I felt it was an enormous honour. Truly big. You may find it silly, but to me the opportunity to serve my life coach here and now in whatever role, and this particular one gave the impression that I am somehow even closer to him, meant a great deal. I was touched that this task was entrusted to me. I was touched that my colleagues took me into consideration, to the one that thought: Gordana would be excellent for this task. You may think I am overdoing it now, but I assure you, those were my genuine feelings, of deep gratitude and happiness.

3-year old pic with my Teacher/3 godine stara slika s mojim učiteljem

OUT-OF-BODY, OUT-OF-THIS-WORLD EXPERIENCE

The event itself, a 6-day program, counted more that 500 participants plus organisers and guests. A grand hotel hall hosted five hundred people doing consciousness-elevation exercises. Day in and day out the energy kept changing. It started off as chaotic, with heaviness and confusion. Then people slowly relaxed into the environment, and then the sweetest part began: when such an enormous group becomes coherent and starts to feel like a unit. A harmonious unit, built out of many unique units. You could literally see worries leaving every mind and heart. Gratitude, openness and surrender were growing. There was no other choice.

Coming closer to the end, the feeling was quite out of this world. All the participants, organisers and guests started to feel unreal, the barriers and differences amongst us were still showing, but they were no longer felt so much. The desire for the highest became clearer. Once we have left all our tiredness and all our worries behind, when we no longer feel anything, but the simplicity and ease of living, only from that space can we make the right decisions, only that space is the birthplace of intuitive ideas how, empowered, we can create a change in our own state of being, it stops seeming to be unchangeable. Then how can we create change in our vicinity, then in the broader environment. Only after we have been freed from our own burdens and hardships, can we approach to make a conscious change of our patterns, and then, with a fullness of heart, and a lightness in mind, can we spread the light further.

TOP NOTCH CONFUSION

I cannot distinguish any longer: is it that life is becoming better or my attitude is changing in a positive way, and things are, in fact, worse? What is considered to be positive? Comfort? When things go the way I imagine them to or demand them to? What is a truly positive thought and action? To think positively in order to suffocate or quieten every moment of conscious understanding about where you stand in life? I don’t think so. I think positive thoughts have killed even the strongest. A positive action? When friends of animals march for building a safer future? Is fighting against negative things a positive action? Or is that action soiled by putting even more attention to the ugly and negative?

Not to say that we should not think AND act positively, just to be aware of the possibility of losing sight of the actual positivity. To refer to Grindelwald (for Harry Potter fans): “For the greater good.” People have, in the name of the greater good, and continue to, delete countless civilisations and animal species. Believing to have done good, seduced by the power of mind and ego.

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

Let us not go too much into darkness. Life is much more beautiful than it is cruel. From one extreme to the other, yet Buddha has said a long time ago, to take the middle path. My path might not look very middle-ish, but I seem to be feeling that I am actually going towards staying in the middle for longer periods, even if I keep far from it at other times.

I am going home soon. Excited to see dear people, have a change of air and to have a little part in the worldly affairs. More about all that a little later. Life goes on!

THE FUTURE

If you ask me, and people do, what my intentions are now? I have no intentions whatsoever. I have no plan, no desire/longing, nor intention. Maybe this comes with age, even though it might be too early still for me to be in that age, and maybe I am just tired of desires and am allowing life to take me where it considers to be the best for me, and maybe this state of being is just a passing melancholy that will soon be replaced with new crazy plans and agendas. And maybe not.

WE SHALL SEE!

CROATIAN VERSION / / / HRVATSKA VERZIJA

RANJENIH SRDACA

Najljepše pjesme su došle iz ranjenih srdaca. Ili ispunjenih. Onaj jedan trenutak kada ti srce zapadne u dubinu sebe samog. I iz te dubine viče, samo ga se slabo čuje na van. Viče, dere se kako ga boli, ili kako voli. I jedno i drugo djeluje bolno, izmučeno, suludo.

Kad sam toliko ispunjena srećom i ljubavlju i razumijevanjem, srce mi se stišće i ne podnosi tu veličinu. Malo je, nekako, nespremno, kao kad rijeka probije branu; u taj prvi tren je rijeka nepodnošljivo glasna i jaka, pa se polako umiruje.

ŽIVOT FENJERDŽIJE

Neobičan je ovaj život koji nam je dan, koji smo nečim i nekako zaslužili živjeti. Uči nas mukom i srećom, nekada i istovremeno. Ako je jedan događaj tužan, a drugi veseo, koji će prevagnuti? Okovi društvenog mišljenja reći će: sada, kada je tuga, nemaš prava na sreću, ni sekunde. I tako je i obrnuto: kada je događaj sretan, nema se prava biti ni na tren tužan. Jer je takav zakon. Kao u Malom Princu, život fenjerdžije. Takav je naš cijeli život. Odvija se između dvije naredbe. Ako na tren zatvoriš oči, i ne upališ i ugasiš lampu, cijeli jedan svijet se raspadne.

BITNO JE OČIMA NEVIDLJIVO

To je jedna strana novčića. Druga strana je neviđeni svijet osjećaja, misli i intuicije. Neobičnih događaja, malih slučajnosti, i veličanstvenost prirode u njenom podržavajućem i razarajućem obliku. Život pun malih i velikih čuda, prijateljstava, života, ljubavi. Potpuno neukrotiv bilokakvim odredbama i zamislima, divlji i neobuzdan: život u svom najčudesnijem svjetlu. Nepredvidiv, nerazuman, ispunjavajući. Bajkovit i neuhvatljiv u riječi, misli i emocije. Život takav kakav je, nestašan, podržavajući, nenormalan! Uopće je uzaludno ulaziti u najsitnije tkanje života koji iznenađuje, zadivljuje i voli, a istovremeno ne sagledati ono veliko platno, koje se svi nadamo obuhvatiti svojim malim umovima, nadamo se dati mu adekvatno objašnjenje.

TEČAJ TIŠINE

Božić je prošao u tišini, u agoniji tišine gdje su me najcrnje misli mržnje i zamjeranja opsjedale od početka do samog kraja. Na kraju se mala grančica nije mogla oduprijeti navali rijeke blagoslova, pa sam izašla iz tišine preplavljena dubokim mirom, oprostom sebi i drugima, s ljubavlju.

ŠETNJA ŠUMOM

Dobila sam nagradu u obliku duge šetnje prirodom, koja me sasvim osvojila. Početak je bio naporan, ali se vrlo brzo neviđeno isplatio. Uistinu, priroda je taj dan bila neviđena. Simbolično smo se, dugo vremena, nalazili iznad oblaka nakon kratkog i strmog uspona. Pogled je oduzimao dah i srce. Sama velika dužina šetnje, i mrak po povratku, podsjetili su me, između ostalog, koliko se nemilosrdno opirem svakoj, i najmanjoj, slabosti.

RADNA NOVA GODINA

Onda je počelo. Ludilo. Rijeke ljudi, domina obaveza, potražnja i opskrba. Dani u kojima „ja“ potpuno izblijedi, i postoji samo: „Što mogu učiniti za Vas?“. Gubitak „sebe“ je u tim prilikama beskrajno nagrađen gubitak. S jedne strane djeluje potpuno suludo raditi od najranijeg jutra do kasne, kasne večeri, kad se um više ni noću ne gasi, pretrpan obavezama, zadacima, rješenjima. I tako danima, samo šljaka. Jedine pauze su duboke meditacije s Učiteljem, i to je jedini pravi odmor u tim periodima.

TEKLIČ UČITELJU

Dobila sam prelijep zadatak, sam po sebi djeluje kao nezahtjevan i jednostavan: da primam zahtjeve za susret s Učiteljem. Svatko ima vrlo važno pitanje, vrlo važan projekt, vrlo važnu obiteljsku situaciju i svi ne samo da žele, već MORAJU ostvariti taj dugo-željeni susret. Ja sam bila osoba koja je zaprimala upite, i predavala štafetu drugima u tom nizu do samog Učitelja. Pošto je naš Učo nestašan, nijedan sastanak se nije dogodio kad je itko to predviđao, očekivao ili planirao, nego samo onda kada je bilo apsolutno idealno vrijeme, mjesto i način da se susret odigra. Tu nitko nije imao nikakvog utjecaja, iako se malim glavama možda činilo da jesmo. Zadatak je sam po sebi djelovao jednostavno. Tajnički. Zapiši podatke, javi kad je sastanak. Ipak, za mene je to bila ogromna čast. Uistinu velika. Možda drugima zvuči smiješno, ali meni je prilika da služim svom životnom učitelju tu i sada u kakvoj god ulozi, a ova je odavala dojam da sam mu ipak nekako bliže, značila neopisivo mnogo. Bila sam dirnuta što mi je taj zadatak dan na povjerenje. Dirnuta kolegama koji su me uzeli u obzir, onome koji je pomislio: Gordana bi bila odlična za ovaj zadatak. Možda ti se čini da pretjerujem, ali uvjeravam te, to su bili moji osjećaji, duboke zahvalnosti i sreće.

ISKUSTVO VAN TIJELA, VAN SVIJETA

Sam događaj, 6-dnevni program, je brojao iznad 500 sudionika + organizatori + gosti. U velikoj dvorani hotela, šest punih dana preko 500 ljudi je zajedno radilo vježbe za podizanje svijesti. Iz dana u dan se energija mijenjala. Otpočelo je kaotično, s težinom i zbunjenošću. Zatim su se svi polako opustili i smjestili, a onda je počeo najslađi dio. Kada tako velika grupa odjednom postane koherentna i počne se osjećati kao jedinka. Sasvim usklađena jedinka sazdana od mnogo jedinstvenih jedinki. U zraku su maltene moglo vidjeti kako brige napuštaju svaki um, svako srce. Kako raste zahvalnost, otvorenost, prepuštanje. Nije bilo izbora.

500 ljudi na Sanyam tečaju/500 participants on the Sanyam course

Na kraju je osjećaj bio sasvim vanzemaljski. Svi sudionici, organizatori i gosti počeli su djelovati nestvarno, barijere i razlike su se vidjele, ali se nisu više osjećale. Želja za najvišim se u svakom srcu neumoljivo prikazala. Kad ostavimo sav umor, i sve brige sa strane, i kada ne osjećamo više ništa, nego jednostavnost i lakoću življenja, jedino iz tog prostora možemo donositi ispravne odluke, jedino iz tog prostora dolaze intuitivne, prirodne ideje o tome kako možemo osnaženi promijeniti svoje stanje koje nam prestaje djelovati nepromjenjivim, i onda kako možemo promijeniti i one stvari u našoj najbližoj blizini, a zatim i u široj i sve široj okolini. Jedino oslobođeni vlastitog tereta i muke, možemo pristupiti svjesnoj promjeni svojih obrazaca, a zatim, punog srca, i olakšanog uma možemo širiti svjetlo dalje.

ZBUNJENOST NAJVIŠE KLASE

Više ne prepoznajem: da li se život uistinu poboljšava, ili se samo moj stav okreće sve više ka pozitivnom, a sve je u stvari, samo sve gore? Što je to pozitivno? Ugoda? Kad stvari idu onako kako ja zamišljam ili tražim da budu? Što je uistinu pozitivna misao i akcija? Misli samo pozitivno kako bi zatomio i ugušio svaki trenutak svjesnosti o realnosti stvari? Ne bih rekla. Mislim da su pozitivne misli uništile i najjače. Pozitivna akcija? Kad prijatelji životinja marširaju u želji za izgradnjom bolje sutra? Je li pozitivna akcija borba protiv negativne? Ili je i ta akcija isprljana stavljanjem pažnje na ružno i negativno?

Ne kažem da ne treba misliti i djelovati pozitivno, već smatram da treba biti svjestan i tog možda naizgled pozitivnog stava. Da se pozovem na Grindelwalda (za Harry Potter fanove): „U ime najvećeg dobra“. U ime najvećeg dobra su ljudi izbrisali nebrojene civilizacije i životinjske vrste. Misleći da rade dobro, zavedeni snagom uma i ega.

ŽIVOT JE LIJEP

No nećemo brijat negativu. Život je ljepši, nego što je okrutniji. Od jedne i druge krajnosti, Buddha je odavno rekao da treba ići srednjim putem. Možda moj put nije naočigled srednji, ali meni se čini da sve više idem prema tome da se što duže zadržim u sredini, čak i kad sam od nje daleko.

Uskoro idem kući. Veselim se najviše ljudima, promjeni zraka, a zatim i malo više svjetovnim podvizima. O tom po tom. Život ide dalje!

BUDUĆNOST, PIH

Ako me pitaš, a pitaju me ljudi, što namjeravam sada? Ne namjeravam apsolutno ništa. Nemam ni plan, ni želju/žudnju, ni namjeru. Možda to dolazi s godinama, iako mi je možda i prerano za te neke godine, a možda sam se umorila od želja i napokon pomalo puštam život da me vodi gdje on smatra da je najbolje, a možda je ovo stanje samo trenutna mala melankolija koja će vrlo brzo biti zamijenjena nekim novim suludim planovima i smjerovima. Možda i ne.

VIDJET ĆEMO!

Napokon na velikoj pozornici/Finally hitting the big stage

#gordana tihomirovic #personal blog #sri sri ravi shankar #positive thoughts

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fredheads · 6 years

Note

Wait wait wait can you please tell me everything about Fred going to sisters of quiet mercy??? I’m so curious!

Sometimes in my corner of the fandom, we talk about the possibility that Fred's painkiller addiction wasn't necessarily brand new. That maybe the "wake up call" he talks about in the deleted scene wasn't that he'd developed an addiction, but that he'd slipped back into old habits.

We know Fred was an athlete - I like to think he played basketball as well as baseball, maybe even did track. So sports injuries were a-happening (especially if Hiram was occasionally stooping to sabotage) which meant bottle after bottle of prescription drugs were finding their way into the Andrews medicine cabinet.

Fred's got a bit of an addictive personality, and on top of that Fred on pain meds never got tired or achy or missed a foul shot. He never felt it when he threw pitch after pitch after pitch on a messed up shoulder. So maybe he took the pills and took the pills and took the pills and played harder and better and more than should have been possible.

Sure there were days near the end when his head was in a fog, and sure if he went without them for too long he got headachey and nauseous and mad. Sure he lost his appetite and barely slept and had to deal with invasive questions from his coach. But he hid it so well from his friends, coaches, and parents, and in the same way, he denied it to himself. He was so good at keeping it a secret, at forging the refills, at handling the dosages, that he couldn't admit it was out of control. He had nothing but control over it - right?

By the end of sophomore year his mom and dad and very closest friends (mostly FP) could tell something was off, but Fred was so darn good at hiding the truth that they didn't know what.

Finally, in June, Artie found the pills in his backpack. Fred broke down in front of his parents and told them the truth, and they had an extremely tense family meeting while they decided what to do. Fred wanted help. He wanted to fix it, and he was open to rehab if that was what it took. Bunny and Artie didn't love the idea of inpatient care, but they wanted it dealt with as quickly and as discreetly as possible. The sisters of quiet mercy offered a semi-affordable, guaranteed 60 day program. Fred begged for it. They said okay.

They told everyone outside the household (Oscar, Bunny and Artie were the only ones who knew) that Fred was going to stay with relatives upstate for the summer to work on their farm. FP and Hermione were a little hurt that he refused to give them a phone number or address, but Fred just told them his aunt didn't have a phone, and that he couldn't remember her address. Sometimes he mixed up his stories and told them there was no postal service there and the phone lines were down. Whatever. They accepted it because what else could they do? Fred had never given them any reason to suspect him of anything like this.

Bunny and Artie drove him to the facility. He had a bag packed with a blank journal and two photos: one of his family, one of him and FP. Bunny cried when she hugged him goodbye, but Fred promised to write and call and told her to pretend he was just at summer camp. He acted a lot braver than he felt.

Detox was hard. He was sick and scared and miserable and alone, but he was determined. He suffered through it with his teeth gritted and then it was just routine rehab - the sisters were a little old-fashioned, but nothing horrible. He got to call home as much as he wanted, but he couldn't talk to his friends without making them suspicious and the loneliness started eating him up. He went for long walks around the grounds and nibbled at the cafeteria food (what he wouldnt have given for a milkshake from pops) and wrote in his journal. So much. A lot of personal stuff.

One day close to his discharge date he couldn't take it and he left the grounds to walk across the road to a gas station payphone and called FP. It was so easy to talk to him, even though all he could say was lies. FP kept asking when he was coming home and Fred kept saying "soon." Said that he was having a nice time, but couldn't wait to be home.

He talked a lot about FP in his mandatory therapy sessions, about wanting to get better so they could be together. So much that the sisters took an interest in his case and started combing through his diary. What they found... well, Fred wasn't exactly censoring his gay thoughts in his secret journal. It's not like this detox centre had a gay conversion camp in the basement, right? That would be silly...

At some point a note was made in his file that they ought to consider him for conversion therapy, but nothing ever came of it. Fred was a model patient and was discharged back into Bunny's waiting arms right on schedule. He actually did stay with his aunt for the last week of vacation - enough to give him a bit of a tan and make his story credible. He was so happy when he came home to Riverdale and threw his arms around FP again.

He has no idea how close he came to ending up in treatment because of what was in his journal - probably never will until Archie and/or Jughead really investigate those old files in the basement of the nunnery. He came clean to his coaches about what he'd been on for the latter half of sophomore year, and to his relief, they still welcomed him back on the teams in the fall. He never told his friends, though, even FP - though you can bet when he admitted it to him twenty-five years later some things from sophomore year started making sense.

He came back to school in the fall as happy go-lucky as ever, and no one wanted to dredge up old worries, so they just accepted what he told them. It's one of those skeletons that's way way deep in his closet, toward the back.

#fred andrews #then theres me wanting to send him off for an eating disorder to but uh thats a lot to live through #Anonymous

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ask-serious-sans · 6 years

Text

PTA Reader (Platonic!Reader and PTA Sans) Part 14

Summary: In which it's April Fool's Day, and Linda apparently really hates pranks. Maybe that isn't so surprising, though.

It was April Fool's Day. You and your sibling had played a few harmless pranks on each other before you had left for the PTA meeting. Considering Sans was going to be there, you figured there would be several more pranks occurring during the meeting. So when you walked into the classroom twenty minutes early and found whoopie cushions on all the seats, you weren't the slightest bit surprised. Sans was the only other individual there, and was thus the likely culprit- not that you would have thought it had been anyone else, anyway- and you just laughed and sat down, not even bothering to remove the whoopie cushion from your chair first. "Do you have any other pranks planned?" you asked. "You'll see," Sans replied with a grin. It was probably safe to say he had more pranks planned. Soon, the other members of the PTA showed up. Linda somehow did not notice the whoopie cushions, and was quite surprised when she sat down in her usual seat. She quickly turned on you and Sans, a furious glare on her face. "I will not stand for these jokes during PTA meetings!" "Sorry," Sans said. "It's April Fool's Day, so-" "I don't care if it's April Fool's Day! These meetings are very important and playing pranks during them wastes everyone's valuable time!" Linda interrupted. "We have a lot to discuss today, and if you keep playing pranks we won't have time to discuss it all!" "Relax, Linda. It was a harmless prank, and you're wasting more time talking about how disruptive it was than the prank itself did." Alicia spoke up, removing the whoopie cushion from her seat before sitting down. "That's- The point is, no pranks!" Linda continued, seeming slightly embarrassed by the fact Alicia actually had a point. "Alright," Sans agreed, seeming a bit sad he couldn't try whatever other pranks he had planned, but deciding it was probably a better idea to just agree before Linda started reading another sports manual or something. "Good." Linda said, appearing proud that she had successfully convinced him not to play any more pranks. "Now, for the first topic we need to discuss, I have created a short power point presentation-" Linda brought up a power point presentation on the computer in the classroom, and turned on the projector to display the power point on the board. At first, everyone seemed less than excited about this, considering the power point itself seemed plain and uninteresting. However, after the first couple of slides, a loud noise could be heard and an error message appeared on the screen. You and the others watched as Linda tried turning the projector off and back on, but the error message remained. Eventually, she tried clicking the message in frustration, and the slideshow continued as though nothing had happened. "Well... That was odd. Anyway, as I was saying," Linda continued, looking slightly annoyed but also seeming to just want to move on. She resumed talking, though she was quite clearly just reading directly from the power point slides, so she might as well have just let you all read it in silence. Just as you were starting to become bored, the error message and noise popped up again. "What?!?" Linda scowled, clicking on the power point presentation. It moved to the next slide. Several people stifled laughter, and then you realized what was going on. Someone had added extra slides into the presentation, with an image of an error message on them. Two slides later, it happened again, and Linda seemed to catch on. "Okay, so this is a prank of some kind, isn't it? Sans, this isn't funny!" "I actually didn't do that," Sans said. "I didn't even know you were giving a power point presentation today, how could I have done this?" Linda was silent for a bit. "Okay, then who did?" Everyone glanced among each other, trying to figure out who the culprit was. No one seemed willing to admit to being the one behind the prank. "Then it must have been you," Linda said, glaring at you. "I didn't know you made a power point presentation either," you replied. "Well, you and Sans are the troublemakers, so who else could it have been?" Linda argued. "Was anyone using the classroom before the meeting?" you asked. "No," Linda replied. "Just the janitor, who was cleaning the room." Honestly, the thought of a janitor deciding to mess with someone's power point presentation was so amusing that you partially hoped no one would actually admit to committing the 'crime.' "I mean it could have been the janitor," someone commented. "Why would the janitor mess with my presentation?" Linda asked. "It is April Fool's Day," Alicia said. "Anyway, it doesn't seem like they messed with anything aside from adding in some fake error messages so why don't we continue, considering you're so concerned with discussing as much as possible during this meeting." "Yes, yes, fine," Linda replied, moving on to the next slide. The error message showed up again, and half the parents dissolved into laughter. "Okay this is ridiculous!" Linda announced irritably. "I need to remove these obnoxious additions to my presentation before we can continue." What followed was twenty minutes of waiting as Linda searched through the entire presentation, deleting all of the 'error messages.' At one point she accidentally deleted an actual slide from the presentation, and ranted for several minutes while trying to undo her mistake. When she was finally finished, she resumed the presentation, which was a lot less interesting without the random error messages inserted in it. "Alright, next we will be discussing-" Linda cut herself off mid-sentence to screech and dart away from the board, which she had been walking over to, presumably to write something down. "What is it?" a parent asked. "Th-there's a bug!" Linda stammered, pointing an accusing finger at the shelf along the base of the board. "It's probably fake. Left over from class, I would assume," another parent spoke up. Linda looked at the teachers currently present. "Do you actually allow your students to play pranks like that?" One of the teachers shrugged. "Sure, as long as they're harmless. Though I do ask them to ensure they don't leave stuff lying around afterwards." "Well then why is it still there?!?" Linda demanded. "This isn't my classroom," the teacher replied with a sigh. "Then whose classroom is it? I would like to have a word with them!" No one believed Linda would be stopping at a single word if she found out whose classroom it was, and everyone stayed silent, whether to spare the teacher in question or because they just didn't know who it was you weren't sure. "Do you actually expect us to believe none of you know which of your co-workers teaches in this classroom?" Helen asked the teachers who were present. The teachers all spoke up at once, but each said a different name. And based on the grin on each of their faces, none of those names was the correct one. You resisted the urge to laugh; did this count as a prank? If so, it was probably the funniest so far, solely because Linda seemed completely confused as she tried to figure out which of the names was the right one. "Forget it, I'll just ask the principal," Linda finally muttered, having given up on getting an answer from the group. "I don't know why I thought holding a meeting today would be a good idea. Clearly, you all care more about your silly pranks than anything important going on at this school." "You're the one who keeps making a big deal about them," someone pointed out. "Because they're disrupting the meeting!" Linda retorted. "Only because you keep discussing them." "Well... Okay, fine, forget it, this meeting is adjourned. Maybe next week you all will be able to focus better." No one argued, mainly because this was the earliest a PTA meeting had ended in months.

#undertale fanfiction #platonic reader #pta sans #april fools day + linda = hilarious for everyone except her #yeah i just wanted an excuse to write about linda getting pranked #sorry this is a day late again #i hope the pranks made up for it lol

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