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idontlikeem · 1 year

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i got some shit i gotta get out of my head or i am quite literally going to lose my fucking mind. this is disjoined and written stream-of-conscious; this is not a writing exercise that i went back to make sound pretty.

tw for references to cancer, unhealthy relationships, alcoholism.

ooookay so. so! so.

i've made a few references to stuff like this in the past, but:

my mom is dying of cancer and likely only has a few months left

i am getting divorced, and the divorce happened in an abrupt, cruel, traumatic fashion

so, that's the groundwork i'm working with rn.

i've been with my soon-to-be ex-husband for ten years. that's a decade. we got together right after college and have been together ever since.

yes, that means i'm old. sorry not sorry.

i have not been single since my early twenties. i have not lived alone for more than a year, when i was 22.

i am scared. i am lonely. i am devastated that the man i loved, who i thought loved me too, decided to blow up my life in such an unbelievably cruel fashion.

because, of course, he knows my mom is dying. he knows how bad it's getting.

it's interesting what hindsight shows you. i thought he was supportive. i thought he was doing his best to be there for me, he was just maybe a little misguided but his intentions were good.

i thought the different issues we had were uncontrollable, things i'd have to learn to live with.

he has ADHD so of course he'd never be able to remember to do chores without me reminding him over and over, of course he'd never see something that needed cleaning on his own and just do it, of course he'd say inappropriate things to me in front of my friends and family that are embarrassing; i just need to get over it, who cares?

his parents were dysfunctional growing up so of course he'd always scream at me when he was upset, of course he'd lunge at me as if he were going to attack me if i 'made him too mad'; i need to stop acting like it's a big deal.

he knows he has a drinking problem but he's working on it, so of course i should never, ever nag him or ask him to stop drinking, of course i should accept that he's going to hide cans and bottles from me (or try), of course i should just get over it when he's shitfaced and absolutely ruins events because he refuses to stop, of course i shouldn't ever ever say anything to him about the times he put his hands on me with violent intent while drunk because of course he didn't mean it; if i did, it would make him feel bad. it's my fault he drinks too much, of course.

of course.

he wanted to make some major changes to our life, none of which i consented to or at any point indicated or hinted that i wanted. when i said i was not interested in them, i was told i wasn't being flexible, and shouldn't i want to move anyway? after all, your mom is dying, don't you want to live near her? don't you care about your own mother? i care about my family, after all—why don't you?

be flexible. learn to compromise.

i've thought a lot about the concept of 'compromise' recently, and how frequently i, to keep the peace, allowed it to mean 'you get what you want and i don't get what i want, not even a little'. i was married, after all, and this was my husband—i was working to save our marriage. or at least that's what i thought.

it didn't matter. because the instant i refused to wholly give into him on something, and instead enforced a true compromise, i was suddenly: the worst, most inflexible person to deal with. you should hear the things my family is saying about you. you're making this trip so much harder and so unpleasant for everyone else. this isn't all about you. why won't you just cancel your plans? you need to do what i want instead.

i've spent 60% of this year alone. there were always reasons for him to disappear, to go away, and then be gone for months at a time. they were good reasons, plausible ones, but they just kept coming.

i got covid and he wouldn't come back to take care of me. i'm not saying i need that; plenty of people live alone and have covid. but i was married. i had a husband. that's part of what spouses do, they take care of each other. at least, that's what i signed up for.

it's what my dad is doing.

my mom is so sick. i've never seen a person this sick. it's terrifying. she's going to be dead sooner than i had mentally prepared myself for, and i'm not ready. there's been a lot of denial in how i've been handling this—maybe not denial, maybe hope that something she'd try treatment-wise would work. none of them are working.

my dad is by her side. he's retiring early so he can spend his time with her. it doesn't matter and it's not good enough and it's not what they deserve, but he's there.

what if you had gotten sick, my mom asked me when i was home visiting a few weeks ago, what if that breast biopsy you got done two years ago had come back positive for cancer? i've cried myself to sleep thinking about how that man would never take care of you, how it would be all about him. it's made me sick to think of how horrible he's been to you.

she's right. he wouldn't have been there for me, at least not how i needed. it would have been what he decided i needed, because of course how could anything he thinks is correct be wrong?

he didn't want me to get a lawyer, for the divorce. he thought that if he told me i didn't need one, i wouldn't get one, and he'd be able to steamroll over me just like he's done for years now, and i'd just fold in on myself and meekly agree to what he wanted. i'd be the shell i'd let him make of me, the little personality-less doll he thought i should be, and when i wasn't, when i didn't, he didn't understand.

and now? he's angry.

he's demanding i accommodate requests that i have no legal obligation to accommodate. you need to make this work, he says, with the implied threat being if you don't i'm going to hold the money i owe you over your head. as if what he's asking for doesn't involve other people. no, it's all about him, the main character of life! all the rest of us exist for is to accommodate his whims and wishes, and if we don't, he is allowed, encouraged even, to be rude, to be cruel, to be demanding.

i'm not a person to him. i'm certainly not a person you respect and treat as a whole, real individual. i'm an obstacle, an inconvenience.

when i see messages from him now my heart rate shoots up and my breathing accelerates. i get shaky and dizzy and panicky. in a sick way, it mimics the start of a relationship, when a message from that new person you're so excited about makes you anxious in a good way, nervous with anticipation.

what a sick parody this is.

i'll always care deeply about you, he said, this was the hardest thing i've ever had to do.

he couldn't even do it to my face. he ran to hide with mommy and daddy.

all because i wouldn't uproot my life to move back to where his parents live, because he's bored of this city i've made my home in.

all because i had the gall to expect him to pull his weight in our shared home, financially and via tasks.

all because i wanted to keep progressing with my life—buy a home, carve out a space of our own.

all because...well, there are some things i won't say. but no, weirdly enough the daily misery of being made to feel like someone's maid isn't sexy for me.

relationships end all the time. people fall in love and fall apart. but this? trying to hurt someone? being cruel just because?

i'm so tired.

#this is all personal stuff and not at all related hockey #please do not feel obligated to click and read or interact at all #i just needed to type how i'm feeling about things somewhere because i cannot keep burdening my friends with this #so into an online void it goes where people can ignore it!!!!#is this what therapy is for—perhaps i should look into that lmfao #ahahahahaha life is SO SO FUN RN #tws for #cancer #alcohol #and #unhealthy relationships

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ash-alder · 2 months

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i am tired.

i have chronic migraines. they suck a lot. they were really, really, really bad for a long time, and then with the help of a great neurologist, i got them mostly under control for a while. but in the past few months they've been back, and terrible, and lasting, and i'd forgotten how much they mess up my life.

i struggle to think of myself as disabled, despite it being a factually correct statement about myself. especially when things are going well, it's easy to think that oh, well, i'm remembering wrong, and being dramatic. and anyway, they're just headaches, how much could they get in my way?

but right now i'm so tired. there are things i want to be doing. there are things i /am/ doing i want to be /enjoying/. and i just can't. even stuff i love and am excited about, i'm just pushing through, doing what has to be done, trying not to let anything fall down, and otherwise existing as little as possible. i hate it.

i forget, too, that there are mood effects. both from the migraines themselves, and from just being tired and in pain. plus, my mental state goes to shit when i'm not actually eating regularly, and i've been having the kind of headache that makes eating seem just awful, not to mention a lot of my generally safe food have one or more things that either trigger or exacerbate the migraines.

so mood shit is hitting hard today.

i know that they will end up controlled again. but i had a 2 week one, broke it with steroids from the doctor, got my quarterly botox, and promptly started having another one, which is the time when they should be /least/ likely, and so today i am feeling really defeated.

it's hard, b/c i've already gone through the standard first, second, and third line meds, with little effect, so there aren't a ton of options /left/ if my current regimen stops working. my neurologist says migraine control is just like this-- sometimes something stops working, so you have to cycle on to something else, or go back to something that worked before.

but right now, i take three otc supplements and three rx meds daily, plus the quarterly botox shots, plus i split my t dose into two injections a week to keep my hormone levels more stable so those changes don't trigger one, which isn't even counting the rescue and abortive meds i have.

and they still happen.

it IS better. i used to have a cycle of three weeks on, one week off headaches. that lasted for months, over a year, i think. i was just about to try to get on long-term disability when we found something that worked. i don't want to go back to that.

anyway, there's no real reason i'm writing this out, much less writing it on Tumblr. i just. i put a lot of work into being a positive person, and bringing as much joy and kindness to the world as i can. and it's really hard for me when even just... just normal conversation feels impossible because i can't think or focus, and am so tired, and hurt.

i guess what i'm saying is that i am sorry that right now i can't be the member of community that i want to be, and that i'm not able to keep up with things in the way i want to, and i'm sorry for that too.

#migraines #self-pitying whining #this will pass #i just hope it passes soon

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cr0wbonezz-wr1ting-inc · 3 years

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One more time

Summary: Alex regrets ever saying yes. All he wants is a second chance.

Trigger warning: Mentions of cheating, mentions of sex, swearing, angst

Author's note: my first piece off hiatus !! - you're a twitch streamer in this fic but it won't come up too much :) hope u like it <3

Based on: Break My Heart Again - FINNEAS

you sigh. your ex-boyfriend called again. you've been ignoring your phone for 5 minutes now. was he really this desperate?

you pick up your phone and slide the green button.

"what do you want, alex?"

"___, you picked up!"

he sounded extremely relieved, like he needs you to breathe.

"i did, now what do you want?"

alex sighed and leaned on a wall in his bedroom.

"can i come over? there's some stuff i still need to pick up."

you suck in a breath sharply. the air is thick and tense.

"no."

you clench the phone you were holding and bit your lip.

"i don't want to see you right now."

alex closed his eyes and pushed himself off the wall.

"i understand, you need time."

there was silence for a moment. neither of you wanted to say anything.

"if you want to come over that bad you can get your things tomorrow morning."

"sounds good. i'll be there around 11, okay?"

"fine."

"good-"

you ended the call.

"-bye..."

alex let his arm drop beside him. his eyes were watering, but he wiped it away with the sleeve of his hoodie.

it's his fault, he knew. but why is he still so upset? he shouldn't feel like this - it's is his own doing, after all.

you open the door to your home. alex was standing on the porch with a few empty bags in hand. the morning sun blinded you slightly, making you squint at the man in front of you.

"hi ___."

"hello, alex. all your belongings are on the couch.

"great, thank you."

he looks over as he's folding a shirt.

"what are you looking at?"

you say without looking away from your laptop.

his face was getting red slightly from embarrassment.

"nothing, you seem busy."

alex directed his eyes back to the clothes in front of him.

"otherwise you would've said something about me."

alex snickered slightly, trying to lighten the mood.

you sigh, holding your face in one of your hands.

don't say it. ___, keep it in. there's no point in fighting him. ___-

"if i wanted to make a comment it'd be about the fact you can't keep your dick in your pants."

god damn it, why did you do that?

he fell quiet. you hated his guts, but even you felt kind of bad for being so blunt with it.

a part of you still loved him. his loud, yet charming laugh. his sweet kisses. his adorable clinginess. his blushing face when you teased him.

you shake your head, trying to physically get rid of your pity for him. he doesn't love you anymore. he shouldn't, and neither should you.

after filling the bags with alex's belongings he stood up and wiped his forehead. you waver from your work and look him up and down.

"you done?"

you asked him. he turned around and gave you a weak smile.

"yeah, i think so."

"good, you know the way out."

you turn back to your computer.

"___, wait. can i ask you something?"

you make eye contact with him, fully aware it makes him nervous.

"what do you want?"

alex took a quick breath.

"can we talk sometime?"

you look at him like he spoke an alien tongue.

"why the hell would i?"

"i want to talk about what happened between us. i hate that our relationship is so sour."

he set a step forward.

"i just want this to end peaceful - or at least neutral."

"why the fuck would i want to be peaceful with you of all people?"

"i hate ending things on the wrong foot, you know that."

alex stands his ground, making you livid.

"then we make up, and then what? you'll just break my heart again!"

you stand up, simultaneously pushing the chair away with your legs.

"then i can lay awake and think about why i even let you inside my house again in the first place?!"

if looks could kill, alex would be on the floor.

"fine. if you don't want to, then i guess everything will just stay the way it is."

alex turned around and grabbed his bags. there's no way he's getting through to you right now.

"oh, so now it's my fault?"

you slam your laptop and walk away from the table.

"well, i'm so sorry for being angry at you for cheating on me!"

you don't hold your anger in anymore, he crossed the line.

"i never said that, ___!"

alex yelled to match your energy.

you took a step back. the audacity to yell at you in your house.

"out. now."

alex grabbed the second bag of clothes and without a word walked to the front door.

"goodbye, ___."

alex pushes the door open and steps outside. you go after him but stop at the doorstep.

"fuck you!" you sob out. you grab the doorknob and slam the door shut.

your knees slowly got weaker and you sit against the front door, shutting your eyes.

it's been a month since you've seen alex. you've blocked him on everything since then.

you were doing a q&a on your twitch channel and everything was going well. chat was filled with questions and you answered the one's you could.

your thoughts were somewhere else, though.

you still miss him, you really did. alex used to watch your streams all the time. he sent you donations with cheesy pick-up lines, he called you during streams to make fun of you for dying in a game or just to chat while he's bored.

but that didn't happen anymore.

you realize you haven't said anything in a while and you apologize. your chat was spamming purple hearts and 'are you okay?'

"ah, sorry everyone, i'm still tired from yesterday. i think i'm going to end the stream for today, thank you all for coming!"

after saying goodbye you turn off your computer.

why are you still so obsessed over him?! he cheated on you! he even tried to cover it up with a bullshit story about "not being the first to kiss her," and "she forced me to," like someone would believe a lie like that.

yet, you still love him. something inside you wants to believe him, like he really was telling the truth.

the next morning you open twitter and scroll for a bit. you made a tweet earlier in which you stated you weren't going to stream today.

you looked at the trending topics and saw your name in bold letters. you clicked on it and read the first tweet that popped up.

'i really hope ___ is doing better, they looked so sad on stream :('

an image was attached to it - a screenshot from the stream you did yesterday where you were mindlessly staring at your computer screen.

you sighed. at least they're not thinking too deep about this.

you scroll further down, replying and liking a couple tweets saying you were alright, thanking them or cracking a joke. this should keep them off your back for a while.

after scrolling for a bit one tweet catches your eye. you clutch your phone as you read the comment.

'kinda obvious they miss quackity :/ it's a good cover-up story tho '

alex was staring at his ceiling. he'd seen the tweets about you - about him.

he hates this feeling. he hates the fact that he knows what you're thinking. he hates that he knows it's his fault. he didn't mean to. he didn't.

"come on, alex. you know you want it." the woman said.

"i told you, no! i have a partner!" alex pushed her away for the second time, trying to find a way past the girl and out of this small alleyway. he should've never gone to this stupid bar.

"tch, whatever. but know you'll regret rejecting someone like me!" the girl pushed him to the brick wall and fixed her dress as she walked away.

alex fixed himself for a minute and walked past the bar and into his car. he pulled out his phone and shot you a quick text.

'hey bb i'll be over in a few :)'

'don't come back.'

you responded almost immediately. alex froze as he looked at the screen.

'wdym?'

'you know damn well why'

you sent him a photo of him next to the bar in the alley. the girl was all over him while her lips connected lustfully to his.

'it isn't what it looks like, i didn't start any of this!'

you don't respond. alex tries to send you another text when an error pops up.

'unable to send message. user has blocked you.'

you hover your hand over your phone's keyboard. you thought anbout alex's offer to talk, and decided that maybe it was a good idea after all. you couldn't get your mind off him, you thought that hopefully getting some closure could help.

but how were you going to ask him? 'hey, i know i blocked number like a month ago but can you to meet me at some random park? see you there!'

after typing and deleting multiple texts you eventually landed on a message.

'hey alex, i've been thinking about your offer to talk it out, and i wanted to ask if you're still up for it?'

you send it and immediately turn off your phone and place it on the coffeetable in front of you. you did it, finally. you fall back on your couch and pull your knees up to your face, waiting for a notification.

after a nailbiting five minutes a light emits from your phone. you pick it up and read the name calling you. 'alex'. you take a deep breath and answer the phone.

"hi alex."

"hey ___, it's been a while."

you sit up straight, preparing yourself for the conversation you're about to have.

'yeah, you can say that."

the atmosphere was a lot less tense than you expected. it was weirdly... comforting? you can hear alex's raspy voice through the phone. has he been crying?

"i saw your text, you wanted to meet?"

"yes, i did. i wanted to get some closure, at least."

alex chuckled, his laugh making you a little flustered. trying to brush it off, you laugh with him.

"what's so funny?" alex asked.

you rolled your eyes and smile.

"you, dumbass."

he gasps cartoonishly loud. his goofy personality is something you could never get enough of. maybe you were wrong after all.

"ok, but seriously, when do you want to meet?"

he gets back on topic. you snap out of your smile and remember why he called in the first place.

"right, right. i'm free this whole week, you can choose when."

after some planning and back and forth, you decide to meet at a small family-run café in the afternoon. coincidentally, it's the same place you two had your first date.

you settle down at a table on the terrace of the café, the sunday sun greeting you warmly. you were a little early, so you decided to think of some questions. it didn't take you long to come to a few, though. your main question was the photo. what was that all about?

as you were handed a menu you saw alex walking on the pavement fidgeting with his fingers.

"hey! sorry if i'm late, i took the bus instead of my car."

he took the seat parallel to yours and exhaled.

"oh no, you're right on time. i was just a little early."

the waitress gave alex a menu and disappeared into the establishment. you both decided to stay quiet before getting on topic. neither of you want to start the conversation.

after both ordering and having surface level conversation for a while silence fell. you both know why you're here, it feels off to talk like nothing ever happened.

"okay-"

"so-"

you both start at the same time. alex awkwardly chuckles while covering his mouth.

"you first."

alex proposes. you nod and like magic lose the somewhat content mood you had prior. you steadily breathe in and pull out your phone.

"so, first things first; my main goal is to get closure and an explanation - there's no point in lying to me."

alex hums in agreement. you could tell he was nervous, you knew him better than anyone. you tap on your screen a few times until you reach the photo that was sent to you.

"now, i want a clear answer. what happened that night?"

you ask him firmly as you put your phone on the table to reveal the image.

"that's my ex-girlfriend."

alex said. you raise an eyebrow - his ex? you've heard some wild things about her and her antics, which is exactly why alex broke up with her in the first place.

"she said she wanted to ask me something in private. my dumbass said yes, because i can't pick up on context clues, apparently."

you cross your arms and lean back on the chair.

"you got that right."

alex looks up from the photo and makes eye contact with you.

"long story short, she pushed me to the wall and kissed me. i tried to push her off but she didn't let me go. after shoving her, like, twice she finally got the hint and left."

"so she set you up?"

"she hasn't changed a bit since all those years."

you say with a hint of condescension. his explanation made sense, and from what you heard he wasn't lying. your gut told you to believe him, yet your mind had an itching feeling that there was something else.

"are you sure that's all?"

alex flinched slightly.

"y-yes, ___. i don't know what else to tell you."

you mess with your hair a bit, clearly conflicted. there was nothing else, you knew that. but your brain wouldn't let it go. you decided it's better if you just sleep on it.

"alright, then.-"

you grab your bag and stand up.

"-i think we're done here."

alex stays seated and looks up at you.

"yeah, i think so."

you pick the phone up that's laying on the table. you pull out your wallet and put a $5 bill under your teacup.

"goodbye, alex."

"wait!"

alex stands up and grabs your wrist, the gesture scaring you little bit.

"are you still mad at me?"

those eyes. they're so pretty, almost sparlking. you snap out of it when he lets go, just realizing how weird it is to grab someone's arm out of nowhere.

"sorry, my bad. i wasn't thinking."

alex scratches the back of his neck.

"i'm still deciding if i can trust you, but i appreciate you showing up, at least."

"that's enough for me."

alex smile at you, not trying to pry.

"goodbye, ___."

"goodbye, alex."

you heard the chirping of the birds outside your window and groan. why is it already morning? you sit up and grab your phone from the nightstand next to your bed, the phone reading 11:23 - tuesday - xx-xx-xxxx.

you sigh and fall back onto your bed. you've been thinking about alex for a few days now, still not getting him out of your head.

after going downstairs and eating some toast you pull out your phone again, the clock now reading 12:44. you look through your contacts and eventually land on his name.

you hover your hand over the green pixels while sitting down at the dining table. you swallow audibly and click the call button.

it goes once.

it goes twice.

"___?"

'Hey alex, i wanted to ask you if you wanted to meet up again?"

ty for reading <3

m.list

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blahberry-pancake · 3 years

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Hi guys. I've decided to come clean about stuff I'm referring to in the last post. So it's gonna be long and not for everyone to read, which I understand.

I'll start off by thanking everyone who sent me a sweet message. Your ideas and tips are amazing but unfortunately I don't lack ideas, it's the motivation keeping me from creating. But the thought counts. <3

So I guess explaining my current situation will help you understand my lack of will to create.

Half a year ago, I moved to Germany (not gonna even talk about the shitty situation in my country of origin rn) to my parents and to be closer to the rest of the family too. It was supposed to be only for a while and then I would move away together with my brother to our own place. But yes, that still never happened. There's a lot personal struggles in my family that add up to that. But the situation is that I sleep in one room with my parents at age 25. I get the couch. And we have 3 dogs that like to take my space too hah so all in all, no privacy whatsoever. My pc is in my brother's room so whenever I go there, no privacy either from him this time. Even the bathroom has an old accordion door that has a barely alive hatch. So no matter what you do, everyone always hears you and can and will disrupt you at some point.

I lived alone for 2 years before that. Just with my dog. I did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. So I got used to being independent. And it really worked well for my veeeery introverted ass.

Now with someone always there around me, my mental health is plummeting. Next year will be my 10 year anniversary on being medicated for my mental illness. Of which I have quite a lot. Most prevalent is my borderline personality disorder and insomnia. I also suffer from depression, social anxiety and neurosis. I've been getting so much better right before I moved here and I feel like all my progress is gone.

I was so happy to finally be able to help my parents with money and have enough left for life (which is just groceries lol). All thanks to being able to work as a 3d freelancer, making cc for you guys.

But now I'm really not sure what to do anymore. The past few months I've been going in and out of depressive episodes. Most of my time I just spent dissociated, doing nothing. Whenever I try, I just can't make anything that I'd end up liking or I just stay in bed because I know it's pointless.

I'm really not sure how to explain it better. But yes, anyway... I've been thinking about quitting cc. I'm in a difficult situation and I need stability. Especially financial. I can't work normal jobs because of my mental issues so remote is my only option but that's not as easy to do as to say. I've been looking around and I'm either not qualified enough, not social enough or not experienced enough. Never good enough. My life's story amirite lol nevermind. I'm not really sure what I'm rambling on at this point. I just wanted you guys to know the situation.

If things change sometime soon and I can move out with my brother, I'll have all the time in the world to create for you guys and get enough for food and bills. If not, my insomniac ass will probably have to get itself together and find an actual job. Which terrifies me. I was only able to finish school thanks to my mom moving me to homeschool program so the teachers would visit me, otherwise insomnia and social anxiety would have destroyed me and I wouldn't have any education. And I still did that barely. My sleeping is really bad. Even with different meds I take and tried over the years.

Okay now I'm really rambling. I'm sorry guys. At this point it all depends on what's gonna happen in the end. I can't promise you that I'll keep creating. But I'll definitely let you know. I really wish I can continue because I love creating cc.

#announcement #ugh another one huh #get over yourself #nobody caressssss

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ally-writes-many-things · 3 years

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Secret Voight Season 3 Part 3 (J. Halstead)

Summary: Its been a year and a few months since Olive showed up announcing that she was pregnant with Justin's kid. You were working on a case that involved Justin. Is Justin back doing the same old things or is it something else?

Words: 3.9k

Requested: Yes

Warnings or A/N: Guys, I appreciate the love and support yall are giving me again with this series but please dont keep asking me over and over again if I'm continuing it. I think there will be at least one more part in season 3 and there will be one more chapter for s3. There also maybe be one more chapter that will be special. Idk yet. Well see.

You were smiling at your nephew in his high chair while wearing a birthday hat. It was Daniel's first birthday. You, your dad, Olive and Justin were all singing happy birthday to him as Daniel was just looking around and babbling. "Happy birthday, kiddo. Come on, blow out that candle. Ready? One, two..."

Your dad had put the cake on the food tray as Justin walked closer to his son and they both helped Daniel blow out the candle. "Good job,"

You looked from Daniel and then to Olive. "I can't believe he's a year old already,"

Voight nodded and went to grabbed a present. "Ooh, wait. Time for presents. This one is from me,"

Justin reaches over the table and grabbed the bag and opened it up. He pulled out a toy horse that he seemed to recognize. "All these years you kept this?"

"Your mom did. She kept all your baby stuff upstairs in the attic, just, you know, hoping one day she could pass it along,"

Olive puts her hand Justin's back. "Hank, it's perfect,"

"Yeah. Thanks, Pop. I wish Mom was here too,"

You got up from your seat and walked around to where your brother was and placed your hand on his shoulder. "I didn't know Camille but from what I've been told of her. She would be so proud of you,"

----

It had been an hour or so after you were done with giving Daniel his gifts. Justin and Voight were in the living room catching up. You and Olive were still in the kitchen with Daniel cleaning up. "So when are you and Jay getting married?"

Justin and Olive got married about six months ago and ever since then everyone has been up yours and Jay's ass over it too. Or well besides Voight. Voight told you over and over 'to take it slow'. You chuckled as you had a secret but it wasn't an engagement. Jay didn't even know about this either. "Whenever he proposes, I guess,"

"I'm sure, it'll be soon,"

You shrugged. "I'm just going with the tides. In this line of work, its difficult to worry about things like that,"

She nodded. "You guys did move in together right?"

"Yeah, a couple of weeks ago,"

"With two bedrooms right?"

You cocked an eye at her. "Yeah? Why?"

"Just asking. How's it going?"

"It's going good. It's a lot easy on the both of us since Jay would take me to work,"

Voight walked into the kitchen with Justin. "Sorry to break the girl chat up but we got a case. Team is already there,"

You walked over to where Daniel was and kissed him on the top of his head. "Goodnight my sweet boy,"

---

You and Voight drive to the scene separate but arrived at the same time. You saw Kevin and Antonio were waiting for us at the police line which they lifted up when we walked up to it. "Hey, Serge. We got one dead female found in the trunk,"

Antonio looked at his notepad. "A park district employee was closing the gates. He was about to have the car towed when he noticed blood on the rear of the car and called the police,"

You and the others walked up the car, Jay was already there at the car holding up the trunk. "Victim's hands and feet are tied with barbed wire. Throat's cut. Fingernails are gone, too. I'm guessing she fought back against the assailant. He knew there'd be DNA, so he yanked them off,"

"Cartel hit?"

"Or Russians. They've been known to use barbed wire too,"

You got a ping on your phone and looked at it. "Car's registered to the victim. Her name's Melissa Wilds. She's 26 years old. We got an address,"

"All right, call Ruzek and Olinsky. Tell them to go over there and do a knock-and-talk,"

It was the next day and you didn't have much to go on as of yet. Al and Ruzek knocked at the address but no one answered. Her neighbor came by and they found out she had a daughter. You were sitting at you desk while talking about the case. "Melissa Wilds. Her husband was an Army private killed in a training exercise last year at Fort Bragg, along with three others when their chopper went down,"

Antonio took it from there. "She had an associate’s from Roosevelt and worked as a paralegal for the law firm Sawyer & Sawyer,"

Antonio was still in the outs with you. Yeah, its been a year but you still didn't trust him enough to let him back into your life. Jay, on the other hand, just didn't care because no one was gonna tell him what he can or can't do. Ruzek swung around in his chair to look at Antonio. "Yeah, I've seen those commercials. They're just high-profile ambulance chasers,"

"Bigger than that. They do seven-figure class action lawsuits against pharmaceutical companies or schools with asbestos,"

Jay was looking into Melissa's background and to see if she got any priors. "Except for a few parking tickets, Melissa has zero priors. She's a working, widowed mom, so the more I'm digging here, I can't see any reason why she'd be associated with cartels or any Russians,"

Voight walk to where he was standing in front of everyone. "Well listen. This girl was tortured with barbed wire. That means the killer either wanted something from her, or it was personal. So I want to know where she was before we found her, who she was with- if she was seeing someone new,"

Your phone of your desk rang while Voight was saying what he was saying. "Voight,"

"Roger Simpson is down here. Says he is Melissa's father,"

You pulled the phone away from your mouth and looked up at Voight. "Hey,"

"Hm?"

"Roger Simpson, Melissa's father, is downstairs,"

Voight looked over at Al. "Al?"

"We should start drawing straws,"

It had been about an hour since Al met with Roger and he said that Melissa was acting strange the past few months and that she was asking him to watch Tigan more and more which was no problem but it was hard cause he lived two hours away. He had asked her if something was wrong but she wouldn't tell him. You were engrossed with your digging that you didn't hear Jay walking up to you until he tapped on your desk. You looked away from your computer and up at him. "Hey handsome,"

He slightly smiled before dropping it. That concerned you. "What's wrong?"

"We got Melissa's phone records,"

"And?"

"Follow me,"

Jay started to walk towards Voight's office and you got up from your desk and followed him. "Hey, we got, uh, Melissa Wild's phone records,"

Voight looked at you confused and you just shrugged as you walked into his office. "Okay?"

Jay closed the door and hand a copy to you and Voight. He kept one for himself as well. "She and Justin, um-- they knew each other. Looks like there's maybe 20 phone calls and twice as many texts between the two of them last month. The last phone call she made was a half hour before time of death,"

Voight picked up his personal phone from his desk and started dialing Justin. "He said he was in town to help a friend. Maybe it was her,"

You walked up to Voight's desk. "Where is Justin now?"

"He should be at home with Olive and Daniel,"

Jay looked from you to your dad. "Did he ever mention this girl to you, to either of you?"

"No,"

"Don't you think I would've mentioned it if he did? Straight to voicemail,"

You and Voight rush to his house and see that Olive is there with Daniel but no Justin and he looks worried. "Where's Justin?"

"He left over an hour ago,"

"Have you tried calling him?"

"He's not answering. I texted him too. Hank, I'm worried,"

"We'll find him,"

You pulled your phone out of your pocket and dialed Al. "I need you to track the GPS on Justin's car now,"

It took about ten minutes to find the location of Justin car which was parked on the side of the road. You and Voight both jumped out of the car and speed walked to the car. You looked into the car and didn't see anything. You walked around to the trunk where Voight was already opening it up. "Oh, my God,"

You find Justin the same way you found Melissa. Bound with barbed wire. "Justin. He's got a pulse!"

You pulled out your walkie. "Lincoln 5021, emergency. I repeat, emergency,"

Voight was trying to see if he had anymore injuries. "Oh, my God, he's been shot!"

You pushed the button on your walkie again. "I need an ambulance at my current location. We have a gunshot wound victim,"

You and Voight ran into Med with Justin and the paramedics when Maggie came into view. "We have incoming. You're with me. Talk to me,"

"It's my son!"

The paramedic started talking to Maggie. "GSW to the neck. GCS 3, tubed in the ambo. Pupils fixed and dilated. Sinus tachy on the monitor. He was bound in the trunk of a car,"

Maggie pointed into a room and started directing them. "Rotate. Get ready to transfer. Three, two, one--transfer,"

Sharon came up to Voight and started to pull Voight away. " Hank, let's step outside,"

"Is he breathing?"

"I need a CT head. Someone call neurosurgery!"

"Is he still breathing?"

"Checking right now, Hank,"

"Come on, let them do their job,"

Voight had called Antonio and told him what happened and the next thing you knew he had brought Olive and Daniel to the ER. Voight didn't look to pleased at Antonio.

Voight looked at you. "GET everyone back to 21,"

"Dad,"

"Now,"

You had texted everyone in the unit that if they were at 21st to get there. You couldn't call them because you knew if you called them you'd break down. You stood outside the door of 21st for a few minutes before walking into the precinct and then up the stairs to Intelligence. Jay saw you and walked up to you and pulled you into a hug and whispered into your ear. "It's going to be okay. He's going to be okay,"

You let him hold you for a few minutes before you pushed him away. Antonio looked at everyone in the unit before speaking. "Everybody needs to hold on real tight, and you all know what I mean. If at any point you're not comfortable with something, you come tell me,"

You were all looked at Antonio when Antonio stopped talking when he looked at something. You all turned around and saw Voight standing there with a duffel bag in hand. He throws in on Jay's desk and throw out money. "I want you to put word out to all your C.I.'s. That's 90,000 for any information on who did this to Melissa Wilds and my son,"

Kevin slowly got up and walked towards Voight. "Hey, we got this, Serge. Think you should go to the hospital?"

Voight nodded but didn't say anything for a good minute. "All right, let me be clear. I don't need condolences. I need commitment from each of you. I'm gonna do whatever it takes to find who did this. Anybody not comfortable with that should take the next couple of days off,"

You nodded and walked towards the detail board. While holding back tears, you looked at everyone. "So, turns out Justin went through basic training with Peter Wilds

at Fort Campbell before Peter got shipped to Fort Bragg. That's how they knew each other. They stayed close friends. Melissa started reaching out to Justin about four weeks ago.

"Still doesn't tell us how they were mutual targets,"

Jay who is now sitting on his desk, talked next. "Maybe there's a nexus with her job- the law firm,"

"Check it out,"

Voight had started to leave but you had grabbed him and stopped him. "Hey. You have a grandson now, okay? That is counting on you. Just remember that,"

Voight looked at you for a few seconds before nodding.

You were going out of your mind in the car when you and Jay were driving to the law firm. Jay placed a hand on your knee and squeezed it. "It's gonna be okay. Justin is going to wake up and everything will be fine,"

You looked at him and smiled. You appreciated the thought but that's not the biggest thing on your mind. You were worried about what your dad is doing.

Jay pulled up to the law firm and you put everything about your dad and Justin in the back of your mind and put all your focus on the case itself. You walked up to Melissa's boss' office. "Melissa used to be a great employee. Never complained about the hours

or working weekends. But there was definitely something off with her these past few weeks,"

You shifted on your other foot. "How do you mean?"

"Her demeanor. Melissa was always outgoing always had a smile on her face, even after losing her husband, Peter. But lately she'd become withdrawn..distant. To be honest, that's when I started to get suspicious,"

Jay didn't look away from her boss. "Suspicious of what, exactly?"

Her boss didn't answer for a minute thinking about what to say. She held up a finger to signal that she needed a minute. She got up from her desk, shut her office door and then sit back down. "We worked a class action suit last year. Several dozen plaintiffs were awarded mesothelioma cancer pay-outs, all over a million dollars each. three of the plaintiffs were robbed in home invasions, some of them badly injured,"

"Was Melissa the only one with access to this information?"

Her boss shook her head. "Well, no. But the way she was acting, and now what's happened to her, it can't be a coincidence,"

As you were leaving the office, Jay called the unit and told them what Melissa's boss, you got in his truck and he got in his truck after he finished the call. You were driving to the precinct when you got a call telling you to meet the team at a location they think Ginger is at and to suit up. Apparently while you were out, the team had learned the suspect's name. You were also texted a picture of him.

Jay parked a little ways down the street and you guys suited up and walked the rest of the way to meet up with the team. Voight saw you and as soon as you got next to him, he started talking. "This one we don't announce. We hit it and we hit it hard,"

You all nodded. Jay grabbed the battering ram and hit the door. Antonio was in first, Al and Ruzek was next, then you, Voight and Jay. You could hear a woman screaming. You saw three males trying to get up and run. You pointed a gun at one of them. "Don't move!"

Jay pointed the gun at the other. "Right there!"

Voight goes past you to point a gun at the three suspect.. "I'll blow your head off! Let me see your hands. Don't move,"

Antonio looked at the girl. "You, get your clothes. Get out of here,"

When everyone was under control you finally looked up at the three suspect and saw that it was Ginger. " You got a warrant?"

"Melissa Wilds,"

"Never heard of her,"

Voight didn't say anything for a minute then didn't take his eye of him but address the team. "The stove. Cover the door,"

Al and Antonio grabbed Ginger and pulled him over to the store as he turned on the store. "Wait a minute,"

"Justin Voight is my son. You shoot him and wrap him in barb wire?"

"No, man, that wasn't me. It was all Kevin!"

"Kevin who?"

"Kevin Bingham, a guy I work with sometimes. He...he used to bang

that girl Melissa when they were younger, started forcing her to give up info on who was getting big pay-outs from her law firm,"

"Yeah, and you did the home invasions.

"I just do the safes, man. He handles the people, then we split it down the middle,"

"Why did he kill her and shoot my son?"

"Melissa wanted out. But Kevin wouldn't let her, so she went to Justin for help. wanted me to meet him at that social club to broker a deal for her safety for five grand. I told him, leave it alone. He had no idea who he was messing with. Kevin knew Melissa was gonna rat him out, so he called Justin to meet to tie up loose ends!"

"Where's Kevin now?"

"I don't know. I swear! He only calls me when there's a job!"

Voight grabbed Ginger's head and forces it down on the hot burner so he could burn his cheek. Ginger screamed out in pain and you looked away in disgust.

Antonio came up to Voight and tried to pull him off of him. "Voight, we can do this at the district!"

Voight shrugged. "We're fine right here. Relax. Relax. Where's Kevin now?"

"Hiding cause he knows you're after him. I swear to God, that's all I know,"

It's been about two or so hours since you talked to Ginger. You had finally found some information on Bingham. You printed off a picture of Bingham and what you found on him. You also made copies for the team. "Kevin Bingham. He's been racking up felonies since he was 18, armed robbery, assault, battery, burglary. Five years ago he got popped for attempted murder. A guy spilled his drink at a bar, so Bingham stabbed him 16 time,"

Antonio looked up from the sheet. "Yeah, and he got out of jail three months ago,"

Al who was leaning up against the file cabinet talked next. "Melissa's father said she and Bingham dated six years ago back in high school and after her husband died, he started coming around again,"

Jay pointed at the photo that was sent over. "So these were sent over, all of these are from recent home invasions where the victims were tied up with barbed wire,"

Kevin looked at the phone. "That is definitely something he picked up in prison,"

Ruzek comes into the room with a paper in his hand. "So Bingham's parole officer said he stopped showing up-- violated him, but he's got no LKA. Yeah, so we've been running an extensive check on all his known associates, including those off his prison visiting list. All right, this is Dillon James. visited him all the way up until his parole, putting money into his canteen account. He's got priors for methamphetamine and a thing for stealing UPS trucks and selling the stolen goods,"

Voight turned and looked at him. "Where is he?"

"We got a possible house in Rogers Park,"

Voight nodded. "Let's roll out and suit up. Oh, Antonio. You stay here. Just call us if you get anything,"

You hit the house and found his brother but all his brother told you was that Bingham came by last night and took some cash and guns that he was holding for them. He only told him that he needed to get out of town until something blew over.

*Justin was moved to ICU and Sharon will call in an hour with an update*

Dillion: I ain't--I ain't seen him *point the gun at him* All right, he was here! He came by last night. He was picking up some cash I was holding for him and some guns. He also gets a call from Antonio saying Sharon called and told him that Justin came out of surgery and that

You were in the unit for an hour or so when Voight gets a call and goes into his office and he was in there for a few minutes before he comes back out. "I got an address on Bingham. I want everyone rolling there now. First two to arrive, breach. This guy's on the run could be leaving any minute. Let's go,"

You didn’t ride with Jay or anyone else. You rode by yourself so you could have some time by yourself just to think about everything that was happened. You heard your phone go off and you looked down and saw that it was Jay. "Hey, I'm two minutes out,"

"Bingham's not here. No one's here. Not for a while,"

"Is Voight there?"

"Not yet,"

That's when it hit you that Voight sent you to a bogus location and that whoever he was on the phone with, found Bingham and he was at the Silos.

You heard Jay on the line calling for you but you dropped your phone in the seat and as soon as you could turned around. You drove as fast of you could to get to the Silos before your dad could do anything stupid. You drove up and saw that Kevin was digging a hole. You got out of the car and Kevin started talking to you. "Oh, thank God. Thank God. This guy tried to kill me. I didn't do anything,"

You walked up closer to your dad. "Don't do this. Think of your grandson,"

"Get back in your car, Y/N,"

"Do not throw it all away over him,"

"Get back in your car,"

"Dad, please. Justin is still alive and he wouldn't want justice like this,"

"Get out of here,"

"Justin,"

You looked at your dad to Kevin and then back to your dad and knew you couldn't get your dad to think straight. You slowly backed up and got in your car and left. You were halfway down the road when you finally heard the gun go off.

You didn't even go the unit after, you went straight to the hospital and you saw Sharon coming out ready to go home. She saw you. "He is in room 12. Say that I allowed it. Talk to him, he can hear you,"

You nodded and said a silent thank you. She placed a hand on your shoulder for a second before removing it. You walked up to the room and no one bothered you. You took a deep breath before opening the door. You opened the door and saw your brother in the hospital unconscious and Olive sitting next to him. She looked at you. "I'll give you two some time together," You walked to the chair and sat down. You finally let go of all the emotion you've been holding on too since you found Justin. You reached out to grab your brother's hand. You sat there and cry until you couldn't let anything else out. When you were finally done crying, you sat there in quiet thinking of what to say. "I don't know if you can hear me, Sharon says that you can. Do you remember when we first met after dad transferred me into Intelligence. We didn't like each other at well. We hated each other at first. Bickered all the time. Yes, we always had bad times but we also had god times and I want...I need more good times with you. I need you to be in my life..."

You trailed off with what you were about to say because you haven’t said it out loud. "Your niece or nephew is gonna need their uncle,"

You put your head on the side of his bed and just sat in quiet once more. "I'm gonna make them my partner in crime,"

#chicago pd #jay halstead #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead x you #jay halstead imagine #one chicago #hank voight #secret voight #jay halstead x imagine

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seonghwa-is-babie · 4 years

Text

Soft kitten

Hybrid! Seonghwa x male reader

Warning: mentioned abuse, crying, angst

Note: I think this the fastest I've ever redone a fic😳😳

Hope u enjoy!

"get up, pet" the guard said as seonghwa's cage opened, stepping out with his ears and tail hanging low. not really sure where he had to go, only knowing to obey orders, or he'll get even more beatings than just the daily torture of malnutrition.

Seonghwa lost hope ever since they kidnapped him from his home in the jungles and brought him to this prison like building, he had tried escaping many times, but every one of those failed. and the punishment for them was even worse than a failed attempt at freedom

They stopped in front of a curtain, pushing the boy through it. He fell to the ground, only when he looked up did he realise what his situation was. It was an auction, selling hybrids for a lot of money

"now up next as you can see, this beautiful white tiger hybrid, only 22 years old" prices were being shouted through the room, building up price little by little, until "$100,000,000" a voice said, this shocked everyone, including seonghwa. who'd give out that much just for a hybrid? "sold! You may come and get your hybrid after the auction"

After the auction, they put him back in his cage. He secretly hoped his new 'home' will be better than this one, though, he doubts it'll be anything different from his current life. Footsteps started coming to his cage and stopped in front of him

"get up" said the man who sold him. Seonghwa had trouble with it due to his wounds from the previous beatings "I'm terribly sorry for his lazy attitude sir" he said as the boy got up to face his new owner "it's fine" said the man who bought him. he was handsome, but seonghwa wasn't one to be fooled easily by appearances. he wore a fancy velvet suit and had (h/c) hair that was styled neatly

The older man did the leash on seonghwa's collar and handed it to the other "it's all yours now" the man nodded and left the building, seonghwa's ears still hanging low. He was glad to be out of there, but what will happen after this?

They got to a car that was parked relatively close, the other opened the door for him. Seonghwa didn't ask anything and stepped inside, the other went to the drivers seat and started driving "so what's your name?" he looked up shyly and said "s-s-seonghwa, sir." "that's a pretty name, and you can drop the sir or any formalities, just call me y/n." seonghwa blushed "thank you si- y/n, sorry" y/n shook it off.

🐯

The rest of the ride was quiet, seonghwa being too afraid and shy to start any conversation. "you don't talk much, do you?" y/n asked, seonghwa tensed up afraid he did something wrong

"it's alright, I get it. Your previous home must've been rough and laid down a lot of rules" y/n looked at seonghwa through the mirror of the car "I'm sorry you had to go through that, but don't worry, you won't have to go through that ever again, I'll make sure of it"

was his luck finally turning around? he didn't wanna get his hopes up too high too soon though, after all the man could just be lying to him "actually, I already have 7 hybrids I take care of already, they're like family to me." this made the smaller relieved, yet still nervous and frankly, a bit scared, what if the other hybrids don't like him or beat him like some of the others did back at his now old home.

They arrived at a big mansion, to seonghwa, it was a bit terrifying. When they got out of the car, y/n gestured seonghwa to come closer, the other obeyed but got extremely nervous when he felt hands around his neck, he flinched, pulling away "oh, I'm sorry, I was just gonna take your collar off since it looks a bit uncomfortable" seonghwa calmed down a bit, enough to let y/n finish taking his collar off. The older then gestured to take his hand, which the other took

Y/n opened the door, hoping the boys didn't mess up the house too bad, only to be met with no damage whatsoever "huh, that's new. Nothing's broken or damaged" seonghwa looked at him confused, but decided against asking, since he was still a bit on edge

He heard multiple pairs of feet come their way and hid behind y/n "hyung! You're home!" multiple voices said, they must be his other hybrids. All of them ran up to him to give him a hug, and that's when they noticed Seonghwa "hyung, who's that?" San, a cat hybrid who was currently in the older's arms, pointed behind y/n, eager to know the strangers name

"right, boys could you all please calm down a bit, I have some important news" that made the boys perk up "I've decided to bring another friend home, this is seonghwa, I hope you'll be kind to him like you are to each other. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to show seonghwa his room, you can ask him questions after that"

🐯

It's been about a month since seonghwa was introduced to the house, and he felt like he was in heaven, many friends, a loving owner that helped him get over past traumas, who he might be starting to like a little more than just his owner, and the freedom to finally chose for himself.

but not everything was all sunshine and rainbows. After a few weeks he started to question why he was even brought into this house, why y/n wanted him so badly that he spent $100,000,000 on him alone. how could seonghwa ever even try to pay him back, at this point he just feels like a burden to the man

🐯

One evening after dinner, seonghwa headed to his room early , claiming he was tired. When he got to his room, he started thinking 'why would he take me in, it seems like he has enough hybrids already, so why bring home another mouth to feed. He should have just left me there, where I won't be a burden to him' thinking more and more of these thoughts, he started to silently cry into his sheets

🐯

"boys, I'm gonna check up on seonghwa ok, I'll be back in a minute" the youngsters gave him quick 'ok' and went back to the show that was playing. As y/n was walking towards his room, he couldn't help but feel worried about the tiger hybrid, something seemed a bit odd when he went to his room so early.

He opened the door to seonghwa's room, only to find the latter seemingly sound asleep. y/n smiled at him and went to close the door, until he heard a quiet sniff coming from seonghwa's direction "seonghwa?" he didn't answer "seonghwa?" again, he didn't answer, but the older went in because he knew that he wasn't just hearing things.

He crouched down on the younger's bedside, but he had already covered his face with his blanket "seonghwa, could you please lower the sheets, I want to see your face for a second" y/n spoke in a gentle tone. The younger shook his head "please seonghwa, I want to make sure you're alright, and I can't do that without looking at your face

Seonghwa hesitated, but slowly lowered the sheets, revealing his red eyes and tear stained cheeks, the older immediately became worried, but tried to keep his calm "kitten, what's wrong? Did someone hurt you? Is it-"

"why did you get me?" y/n was shocked at that "you already have so many, so why bring in another mouth to feed. You could have easily left me to get bought by someone else. So why?! Why did you buy a stupid tiger that's nothing more than a burden to you?!?!"

he couldn't believe what he was hearing, to him, seonghwa, though having only been here for a short time, has become one of the most important people in his life. He couldn't let seonghwa think about himself like that

"seonghwa, i got you because from the first time I saw you, I knew you needed someone, someone that loves you and respects you, and I thought, I could be that person. It doesn't matter to me how many hybrids there are in my house, I will take care of all of you no matter what. And trust me, you're not a burden, you already help so much around the house, and the others already love you to death, I love you to death. Please, don't think that about yourself, I know you've been through a lot of stuff, but right here, right now, I'll promise to keep you save until I draw my last breath, you're save with us, with me"

Seonghwa cried, but these tears were those of happiness. He engulfed y/n in a hug, wrapping his arms around the olders neck while putting his head in his his chest "th-th-an-k you, thank you so much!" y/n stroked the younger's back, carefully lifting himself on the bed "it's alright dear, you're safe with me, no one's gonna hurt you"

🐯

After a while of comforting y/n realised he hasn't told the boys to go to bed yet "sweetheart, I have to go see the boys for a little and make sure they go to bed, is that alright with you?" seonghwa didn't let him go "can't you stay here?" he chuckled at the younger clinging onto him as if his life depended on it

"I'll only be gone for a few minutes, then I'll come straight back to you" the younger continued his whining "nooooo, I wanna stay with you" y/n lifted him up so he was wrapped around his chest, clinging on him like a koala "then you're coming with me"

"boys, it's time for bed" y/n said as he came downstairs, the others looked at him with a questioning look "what?" he asked, the others gave knowing looks to each other "hyung?" San asked "yeah, what is it?" the next words, y/n definitely didn't expect to hear "do you like seonghwa hyung?"

🐯

The question had stuck with him since the others went to bed 'maybe I do like him, he brings a smile to my face just by existing, he's a true sweetheart, not to mention he's the most beautiful person i've ever laid my eyes on' " umm, y/n?" the older turned his head to seonghwa "I ummm, might have heard what you and San talked about" y/n sighed, sitting up from the bed, already knowing where this was going "I understand it if you felt uncomfortable about that, but he wasn't wrong actually, I've found myself quite fond of you actually, but I completely understand if these feelings aren't the same for you."

the two stood there in complete silence "I guess I should go I probably made this extrem-" "no wait!" y/n looked back at seonghwa who's face was completely red "umm, I umm, I also like you, the feelings' mutual" he almost stuttered out completely. The older smiled softly at him, crawling back into bed with him, petting his ears "You're so soft, kitten."

#ateez #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez x male reader #kpop #kpop x male reader #seonghwa x male reader #hybrid #park seonghwa #seonghwa

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kyber-crystal · 4 years

Text

department of matchmaking || s.r

summary: in which you’re asked by aunt may to babysit peter while she’s away at a business conference & steve tags along. peter, being the innocent smol bean he is, tries to get you and the Captain together.

words: ~3.1k

warnings: none, just fluff & a little matchmaking spider-man :) and OH steve’s blue jacket heheh. tony’s your dad in this oop cant resist a stark child. shhh CW never happened bc i’m still in denial

Peter: Aunt May says she has a couple errands to run so she won't be back until later this afternoon. Can you pick me up? School just ended.

You: Of course!

Peter: Ned and I are planning on building the Lego Death Star tonight. I know you're a sucker for building stuff :)

You: You know me so well, kiddo. I'm definitely in. How could I miss out on our weekly date nights?

Peter: You're the best! See you soon

You: See you!

"Where are you going?"

"May's busy, so I gotta go pick Peter up from school," you explained to Steve as you slung your purse over your shoulder and grabbed the keys to your (Tony's) Audi, sliding your sunglasses on. "We're having one of our weekly Friday movie nights, and he and Ned just got a new Lego set that they want me to help construct. You wanna come along?"

"Sure, I don't mind."

You headed outside to the car together, sticking the keys into the ignition as Steve slid in next to you in the passenger's seat. "I hope you don't have anything else planned for the rest of tonight. We might be there for a while...I know we were gonna see that new action movie in theaters tomorrow. I'm sorry."

"Nope, no plans," he smiled, "I'm free for the rest of this weekend. As long as I get to spend time with you, it's okay."

You couldn't help but feel your heart flutter a bit at his words.

But you quickly brushed the thought off, knowing the last thing you were supposed to do was fall for someone after you'd just gotten over a nasty breakup.

Soon enough, you pulled up in front of Midtown High School and saw Peter standing with Ned by the curb. You rolled the window down and called out to them. "Hey, boys. Need a ride?"

"My favorite Avenger! Hi!" Ned greeted as he and Peter got into the backseat, strapping their seatbelts on.

"Ouch, I'm offended," Steve placed a hand over his chest and pretended to look hurt. "I thought I was your favorite?"

"Captain America! It's an honor!" he exclaimed. "I've heard so much about you from Peter!"

"Oh, really? I hope he only told you good things?" the super-soldier chuckled.

"Yup!"

"So, how was school?" you glanced back at the two teenagers from the rearview mirror. "Anything interesting happen?"

"No, except they actually served something edible in the cafeteria for lunch today," Peter rolled his eyes. "Which is a first."

You sighed, placing your hand back on the wheel, "School food isn't the best thing ever."

"So uh, I have a question," Ned spoke up as you headed down the street, "are you and Y/N a...thing? ‘Cause I hear a lot of fans are speculating that the kickass agent and America’s golden boy are dating."

"What? No," you and Steve replied in unison, exchanging a knowing look before bursting into laughter. "No."

"Okay..."

It was mostly quiet for the rest of the car ride back to the apartment. Peter pulled out the keys from his jacket pocket and slid it in the lock, pushing the door open and gesturing for the rest of you to come inside.

"So," he breathed out, setting his backpack down by the front door and dusting his hands off. You sat around the sofa together, glancing at the massive Lego set on the coffee table. "Here it is, in all its glory."

"How many pieces is this?" Steve questioned, looking at it in shock.

"Almost 4000."

A buzzing sound from his phone made Peter look down, swiping a few times before unlocking it and scanning over the new notification.

"May has an overnight business conference and she won't be back until tomorrow evening. She wants you to babysit," he explained as he looked up at you.

"Fine by me," you shrugged. "Cap?"

"Sure, why not."

"But I'm 15 and 8 months! I'm not a baby."

"Well, kiddo, I'm 28 and Tony treats me like a baby even though I’m not a baby anymore. Steve's going on 32, and acts like he's 12."

"I do not!"

"Yes, you do."

"I do not!"

"Yes, you do."

"Arguing like a married couple," Peter coughed, and Ned wiggled his eyebrows up and down. "Cute."

"For the last time, we're not a thing," you let out an exasperated sigh, but felt a blush creep up your cheeks as you spoke.

Two hours later you were a little over halfway done with building the Death Star, and fatigue was beginning to catch up with you after you neglected your sleep schedule and pulled three all-nighters in a row bingeing Netflix with Sam.

You let out a yawn as you flipped through the instructions pamphlet, stretching your arms up in the air.

"You tired?" Steve asked. You were too tired to respond, simply leaning into him and closing your eyes.

"You can take her to the guest room. Straight down the hall, then turn right," Peter said as he noticed you'd now fallen asleep on him. "We can continue this after dinner."

Steve scooped you up into his strong arms and carried you down the hall, pushing the door to the guest room open with one hand before carefully setting you down on the bed, tucking you in.

"Sleep tight," he whispered, a ghost of a smile on his face as he leaned down to kiss your forehead and left.

"Ahem. Now that she's gone," Ned cleared his throat, "time to plan on how we're supposed to get our OTP together!"

"Ned, really-"

"You should ask her out, Cap. I see the way you look at her," Peter raised an eyebrow at him, "I mean, it's clear to everyone how you feel about her, and the way she feels about you. Sam sees it, Mr. Stark sees it, heck, I think May has her suspicions as well because she wouldn't stop talking about how great of a couple you two would be over dinner last night-"

"Look, Peter, I don't think she's ready for a relationship."

"Why not?"

"She just broke up with her boyfriend two months ago. I doubt she'd be willing to date again."

"But you're her best friend! You're literally the perfect man for her!"

"It doesn't matter. I'm not taking advantage of someone when they're vulnerable. That isn't right."

He scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest and kicking his feet up against the coffee table, tossing a spare Lego piece up and down in one hand. "Yeah, I totally believe the great Captain America isn't in love with the great Y/N."

"She's my friend. A teammate."

"Friends with benefits!" Ned chimed in. Steve made a face at this. "No, not like that. I mean that as in, you guys do all the things that regular couples do, except you're not officially a couple. And I think that's big enough of an indication that you should get together for real."

"I'm just waiting for the right time."

"AHA!" both boys shouted. "So you are in love with her!"

"Keep it down!" he scolded. "She's asleep!"

"You didn't deny it this time..."

"Fine, whatever. What do you guys want for dinner? I'll go pick it up."

"Pizza."

"If Y/N asks where I am, just tell her I went to go get the food."

"Okay."

As soon as the door shut behind Steve, Peter and Ned's heads immediately whipped over and they faced each other, exchanging evil grins.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Ned practically squealed.

"Yeah, I'm thinking what you're thinking!"

"Romantic dinner and movie night setup!" both boys whooped and hollered.

"I'll light the candles and get the napkins. May always keeps a stock of scented ones when Y/N comes over because she loves the smell of cherry blossoms."

"...I'll grab the rose petals and tablecloth."

"Rose petals?"

"Mind if I tear apart the flower on your desk?"

"Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Also, the regular tall candles are in the cabinet below the sink in the bathroom."

"Yessir."

Twenty minutes later, Steve came back with the pizza in hand, setting the keys on the counter and closing the door, stopping dead in his tracks as he observed the scene before him.

"What is going on?"

"We set up a date night for you two because we know you've been working hard this past week and deserved to relax," Peter explained happily. "So, here you go!"

"Peter," Steve sighed, rubbing his forehead, "I appreciate your effort, but Y/N isn't ready for a relationship and neither one of us has feelings for the other."

"But you guys deserve a break! After working nonstop you should at least rest or something."

"Alright, alright. I'll go get Y/N. You guys set the pizza on the plates for everyone, okay?"

"Got it."

You yawned and rubbed your eyes, then stretched your arms up into the air, skidding to a halt as you observed the sight before you.

“Wh...what’s going on?”

Peter and Ned grinned from where they sat on the couch, paper plates on their laps. “We thought you deserved a nice break, so we set up a little something for you guys!”

“A romantic dinner? Why...”

"It looks pretty and gives off a relaxing mood. Why else?” Peter laughed nervously. “Now eat!”

“Okay...” you started growing suspicious, but didn’t question it, “alright, then.”

You fell into an awkward silence after that, aside from the occasional sound of silverware clinking against plates and drink glasses being set back down on the table. The atmosphere felt heavier than before and you couldn’t help but wonder what it was.

“So, uh...how have you been holding up?” Steve asked you tentatively. He knew the topic of your ex-boyfriend was still that of a rather sensitive one - you’d come storming through the elevator doors and gulped down half a bottle of vodka (you never drank, so this had everyone genuinely worried), before heading upstairs and taking a forty-five minute shower, then afterwards, proceeded to lock yourself in your room for the rest of the afternoon.

When you wouldn’t come down for dinner, he had to carry up your food to you and when you refused to eat, he was the one to force-feed you. When you suddenly broke down sobbing when he asked you if you were alright, he was the one who held you in your arms. He was the one who got you out of bed to bring you downstairs for some fresh air and to interact with the others, and not once during the time he was having to take care of you for, did he question any of your behavior. You were hurting and that was all that mattered. If you were hurting, he was hurting, too.

“It’s been a rough eight weeks...” you sighed, rubbing your forehead with one hand as you took a sip of wine. “Could be better, but...I’m alright. I just wish I could’ve seen that coming from the moment I went on that blind date with him.”

“What do you mean?” Steve was confused - you’d never mentioned any details of your relationship, you were a very private person, for that matter. You rarely ever opened up to anyone. “I thought you were...”

“Happy? Hell no, I don’t even know why I stayed,” you scoffed as you took another swing of your drink. “It was so easy to fall into a routine. There was this gaping hole in my heart, and...I needed it to be filled somehow. Then Agent Williams comes along, a seemingly perfect new SHIELD recruit, almost everything a girl could possibly want in a man standing right in front of me...how could I not fall for his façade? I didn’t realize it was doomed from the start until about a week into the relationship...but I held my tongue. I knew if I dared to speak up against him, he’d somehow manage to use my words against me, twist everything I said into a whole new lie...he manipulated me, day after day...yet I still didn’t leave because I genuinely believed he’d change.

“But I was wrong. I was naïve, I stayed because I was so desperate to experience true happiness that I went as far as to stay with someone I knew would do a number on my mental health in the long run. I shouldn’t have been surprised when I walked into HQs one day to drop stuff of for Coulson, to see Williams on top of someone else...in the gym. In the gym...of all places. I only didn’t blast him because I didn’t want to destroy Fury’s property. So I slapped him and left. That’s it. This whole...fling, or whatever the hell you want to call this shitty relationship, lasted only twenty-six days before everything fell apart. God, I’m so stupid - I should’ve known. I was so stupid, I’m such a horrible person for doing what-”

Steve felt his blood boil with anger. Williams had cheated on you - that’s why you’d broken up. All this time he’d been thinking that you simply fell out of love, or maybe ended it on friendlier terms - when in fact, it was anything but.

Nobody deserved to be treated this way, especially you. I could treat you much better, he thought to himself.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he said softly, reaching a hand up to wipe the stray tears that fell from your eyes. Instead of letting his hand fall back at his side right away, he let it linger there for a moment, gently stroking your cheekbone with his thumb. The feeling sent electricity up his fingers. “It’s not your fault. You’re not a bad person...he is.”

“Shit, I think our plan’s backfiring,” Peter hissed into Ned’s ear as they watched the scene unfold from the couch. “What the fuck, Ned!”

“Shh! Hold on, they’re having a really deep conversation. Let them be for a second.”

“I was stupid enough to stay, when he was giving off all the wrong signs...I should’ve listened to Tony and Nat. They knew. They knew from the moment we first got together, but I didn’t listen...”

“It’s okay. You didn’t know any better,” he reassured you, absentmindedly taking your hand in his and rubbing circles across your palm, “you just wanted to be happy. To experience that feeling that came along with being in a relationship. Frankly, I think I would’ve done the same thing.”

“And what makes me feel even worse,” your voice caught in your throat as you spoke, “...were my true intentions of staying. I wanted to be happy, I really did. But I realized I’d never achieve that with someone like him...in a way, I was using him too, I guess. Not for my personal gain or anything, not to boost my social status, like he did...he always made a point of walking around and declaring that he had an Avenger girlfriend. But...”

“But what?”

“I knew if I was in a relationship with someone, that’d prevent me from thinking about being with anyone else. Well...that plan failed...horribly.”

“...What are you saying?”

“Of course, I didn’t figure that out until not long ago...but yeah. The heart wants what it wants...and it didn’t want him.”

“Then who was it?”

Your gaze flickered down to your now-intertwined fingers. You hesitated for a moment before speaking again. “...I think you know who it is, Steve.”

“See!” Ned kicked Peter in the shin as he was in the middle of finishing off his second slice, and he winced. “It’s getting saucy!”

“Ow!”

“I think we both know,” Steve murmured.

You let out a sound that was a cross between a laugh and a sob. “I don’t know why I tried pursuing a relationship that wouldn’t fulfill me in the long run. I should’ve known it was you all along, huh? You know me like the back of your hand. For Odin’s sake, you remembered every detail of my SHIELD file, my favorite color, my exact birth date, everything there is to know about me. It’s always been you-”

“...It broke my heart to see you with someone who wasn’t me,” he said quietly.

“Then why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want you to feel like I was meddling in your love life. I know you hate it when people do that.”

“Steve-”

“I knew you weren’t as happy as you let on. I shouldn’t have stayed silent...I should’ve at least said something. I was terrified to speak up, thinking that you wouldn’t reciprocate my feelings-”

“You...you what?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled lightly, “I’m in love with you.”

Peter let out a squeak. Ned chucked a pillow at him, a giddy look on his face.

“Good news,” you laughed, “because I’m in love with you too.”

“FINALLY!” Ned whooped, unable to contain his excitement for any longer. He and Peter exchanged a fist-bump. “FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY! I can’t believe our ship finally sailed! Though I gotta be honest, I had no idea pizza could bring out people’s true feelings like that.”

“We’re geniuses!” Peter squealed, pulling out his phone.. “Oh, wait until Mr. Stark hears about this!”

Your eyes widened in realization. “Peter, don’t you dare c-”

Too late. A buzzing sound came from your phone, alerting you of a new notification, and you unlocked it to see a text from your father.

Mr. Stank😡: Took you long enough, honey. I expect a grandchild soon.

Mr. Stank😡: But I’m gonna be honest, I wouldn’t want any other man for you than Capsicle himself.

You let out a loud groan, shoving your phone back into your purse. “Oh, come on.”

A buzzing sound came from Steve’s phone as well, and he took it out of his pocket to take a look.

Stark: You better not knock her up until after you get married and then leave. I learned that lesson too late. I’m being serious when I’m telling you to treat her right - she hasn’t been the same since her mother walked out all those years ago. You make her happy, though, so I won’t try to intervene.

Stark: But if you hurt her in any way, I’ll break your face. Capiche?

Steve: ...Capiche.

“Ooh! I just got a promotion for telling him about you guys!” Peter clasped his hands together. “I’m joining you on your next group mission!”

“That’s great, Peter!” you congratulated, “but...why would he give you a promotion for...this?”

“Because he’s been waiting for this to happen for the longest time! Oh and also, your food’s getting cold.”

“We could just reheat it. Or...if you guys are still hungry, do you want to go to Olive Garden?” Steve looked over at the two teenage boys.

“YES.”

“Y/N, what about you?”

“It’s a date,” you winked. You let out a small laugh upon seeing his cheeks flush red.

#avengers imagines #steve rogers x reader #avengers x reader #captain america imagine #captain america x reader #marvel fic #avengers fanfiction #steve rogers one shot #captain america one shot #steve rogers fanfiction #chris evans x reader #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x you

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captainjanegay · 3 years

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Summary: Bucky is a single dad coming back from a work trip with a very bored, very whiney 7-year-old girl. A mysterious stranger with a kind heart and a notebook full of doodles comes to the rescue.

A/N: It's been... so long since I've updated this fic. I'm sorry but life got in the way and I couldn't bring myself to write anything. Here I come with apologies and hopes that you haven't forgotten about the adventures of Bucky, Alex and Steve. I'm gonna treat you with the longest chapter I've ever written (it's like 5.3k). I hope you'll like it, I got a bit carried away and my space-nerdiness is showing every now and then.

The chapters will probably come very irregularly from now on but I'll try my best not to have too long gaps between each update. I love you all and — as always — thank you so, so much for your continuous support. I cherish every single reader, every single like and every single comment you leave here :')

Chapter 7

(5.2k)

When Monday rolls around, Bucky faces New York’s chilly morning as he makes his way to work. It’s been only a few days since he got sick, but he feels significantly better now. His nose might still be stuffed and his throat might feel a bit scratchy, but he is mostly fine. No more coughing fits, no more fever. And it’s not like he could say no when his boss called him to check how he was doing and ask if he’d be able to come by before Christmas to do some required maintenance work.

But it’s fine, since the work at the Institute has slowed down, many people have already taken their days off for the Christmas break. It’s calmer than usual and Bucky can do whatever he’s supposed to do in peace.

It's a bit past noon and Bucky's mindlessly staring at the progress bar on his screen and enjoys his coffee. The peace and quiet — excluding his Christmas playlist playing in the background — is disturbed by the ringing of his phone. Slightly startled, Bucky looks around, searching for the device. After a quick glance at the screen, he answers the call.

"Hi, Buck!" Steve says, his voice soft and warm. "I hope I didn't wake you up or anything. Just wanted to check up on you, see how you're feeling."

"That's very sweet of you," Bucky says, his lips spreading in a smile. "And I'm fine, thank you. Currently waiting for the data backup to finish so you've disrupted my staring contest with the progress bar."

Steve doesn't appreciate the joke. Instead, he asks, "You're at work?" After receiving an affirmative hum, he lets out a slightly annoyed huff. "Why? You should still be in bed! Three days ago you've been barely able to get up for longer than 10 minutes. You should still rest, Buck."

"It's been six days ago, thank you very much," Bucky answers. "And I'm fine, Steve. I promise. I wouldn't come if I was still feeling sick, but the fever's been gone for a few days," two but Steve doesn't have to know that, "and I'm not coughing anymore. I'm as fit as a fiddle."

"I can hear you sniffle."

"It's the allergies," Bucky lies and that makes Steve laugh, although a bit exasperated.

"You're horrible," he says. "Bet you haven't even eaten breakfast or drink enough water or like... didn’t even wear a hat even though you’re sick."

"I did have a toast while I ran to catch the train. And now I'm having coffee for lunch. And it’s not even that cold."

An honest-to-God gasp escapes Steve's mouth after he hears that. Of course he's a Mr. Healthy Lifestyle, Bucky shouldn't even be surprised.

"How are you even functioning? You gotta take care of yourself, Buck."

Bucky's heart skips a bit. It's nice to have someone worry about him. Even if he's being dragged in the meantime. And it was nice when Steve took care of him and Alex back when Bucky was too sick to do this. Of course, he has people who do that. Clint, Tasha, Scott -- he can always count on them. But somehow it feels different with Steve. Steve hasn't been around for years like the others, he's known Bucky for just a few months and he still decided to offer his kindness and care. This thought made Bucky's heart do somersaults in his chest.

So did the fact that Steve had a nickname to Bucky's nickname. And he's been using it a lot. Bucky really likes it.

"I'm functioning very well, thank you. And so is Alex, because I'm not as hopeless in taking care of her, luckily," Bucky chuckles. Before Steve can't say anything, Bucky adds, "Besides, I've been able to survive 28 years like this so don't be overdramatic. No need to go all mother hen on me."

"Oh, you think this is overdramatic?" Steve asks, amused. "You clearly don't know what me being overdramatic is, pal. This is just some simple, friendly check-in."

"Okay, now I'm kinda curious," Bucky says. His cheeks hurt from smiling so much. "Hypothetically, what would one have to do to see what is Steve Rogers's definition of overdramatic?"

It makes Steve let out another laugh. "Careful what you wish for, Buck." It sounds like Steve wants to say something else but there's some noise in the background and his voice becomes distant and inaudible for a moment. When he comes back, he says with a sigh, "Sorry 'bout that. I need to go back to work. I'm glad you're feeling better but eat a proper meal or I'll hunt you down."

"Oh, so no mother hen anymore, were going straight to threats, okay." Bucky nods to himself and Steve huffs out a laugh. "Thanks for the call, Steve. It's very sweet of you. Have a nice day."

"You, too. Say hi to Alex from me."

"I will. Bye, Steve."

A small smile is still present on Bucky's face when a few hours later he's picking Alex up from school. It grows bigger when she runs towards him down the stairs, her haphazardly wrapped scarf fluttering behind her. He takes a moment to tuck it properly and then takes Alex's backpack from her.

“How was school today?” Bucky asks as they head home.

“Fine. We played soccer and I scored once!” Alex answers proudly. “Even Adrian didn’t and he’s very good. Maya didn’t want to play ‘cause she says girls shouldn’t play soccer.”

“Jokes on her, because we have a women’s national soccer team and they’re the best. They’re the world champions.”

A gasps escapes Alex’s mouth. “Really? That’s so cool! I want to be a soccer player when I grow up!”

“Not a ballerina, anymore?” Bucky asks, with a small smile.

“No, I’m gonna be a ballerina but I’m gonna play soccer sometimes, too. But that’s after I’ll fly to the moon!”

Bucky only nods and grins at her. He wouldn’t be surprised in the least if she actually pulled that off in the future. There weren’t many things that could stop her since she decided upon something.

“How’s space?” Alex asks, swinging their hands back and forth.

Bucky chuckles. It’s a bit of a tradition at this point. He doesn’t really remember how it started but now she never asks him “how’s work” but it’s always “how’s space?”. Personally, Bucky loves it. It makes him feel like he’s doing much cooler things that he really does.

“Pretty boring, sadly,” he admits. “Didn’t have much to do today and many people are on their breaks so no fun space facts to share today. I chatted on the phone with Steve and he wanted me to say hi to you.”

“Oh, is he coming over today?”

Slightly confused with the question, Bucky shakes his head. “No, he’s not. We just talked on the phone. Why?”

“I don’t know, I thought you liked Steve.”

“Well, I do. I like uncle Scott too but we don’t hang out with him every day, either. Steve has his own life and stuff to do, so we shouldn’t bother him all the time.”

Alex makes a small hum and Bucky’s not sure if it’s a dismissive or an agreeing one. After a moment, she adds, “I bet he wouldn’t mind though. He told me he really likes you.”

“What? When?” The revelation almost makes Bucky stop in the middle of the pavement. The biggest surprise is not that Steve likes him, Bucky has figured out this much after all those times they’ve hung out together. What really takes him aback is that apparently his daughter and Steve are having conversations about him when he’s not there.

“When you were sick and Steve went to ballet class with me. I told him he’s cool and I’m happy you have him so you’re not so lonely. And he said he thinks we’re really cool too and that he likes us a lot.”

This time Bucky slows down and eventually stops. There’s a furrow between his brows when he looks at Alex.

“Why would you think I’m lonely, munchkin? I’m not, I have you and mama, uncle Clint and Scott. And now Steve. I’m more than fine.”

“Well… Okay, maybe I didn’t mean lonely. But sometimes when you have a lot to do and you worry and mama or uncle Clint are busy you do this—” Alex furrows her brows and pouts, apparently imitating a worried Bucky “and you’re quiet and worried. And now you smile even more than you did. You smile all the time when you text Steve.”

For a moment, Bucky only gapes at her, not sure how to react. That’s a lot of information coming at once from his 7-year-old daughter.

“I’m— Well, I’m okay, even if I worry sometimes. And I couldn’t be lonely, having such a sweet little munchkin by my side,” he smiles, bopping her on the nose and getting a smile in return. “But thank you for caring about me, sweetheart. I love you to the moon and back.”

“And I love you to Jupiter!” she answers.

“But not back?” Bucky raises an eyebrow.

“Nah, it’s already so far away, it’s enough.”

The conversation with Alex stays in Bucky’s head for the rest of the day. It’s gnawing at him enough that before he goes to bed, he takes out his phone and calls Natasha.

“How’s my favourite co-parent doing?” she greets.

“Do you have any more co-parents?” Bucky asks instead of answering.

“Nope. That’s what makes you my favourite.” Bucky only sighs so she continues. “Did something happen? You’re usually in the mood for late night conversation when something’s on your mind.”

There’s no point in denying it since Natasha would see right through him. “It’s nothing bad. Apparently Alex thinks I’m lonely.”

“Well, she’s not wrong.”

“What? Tasha, no. I’m not lonely, where did you two get that idea?”

“James, it’s not my fault that you’re an idiot. I know that you have people who love you around. You know that, too. But I know and you also should know — but here’s the ‘idiot’ part — that it might not be enough sometimes. And I’m pretty sure we’ve had a similar conversation like a month ago, so I don’t know why you act all surprised now.”

“Remind me, why did I even call you?”

“Because I am incredible and you value my opinion like no one else’s and also you love me deeply,” Natasha explains dutifully.

Bucky huffs out a laugh as he sits heavily on the side of his bed. His eyes land on the comic from Steve, still laying on Bucky’s bedside table, propped against the lamp. “Sounds fake, but okay.”

“Did our daughter have any more revelations for you?” Natasha asks.

“Well…,” Bucky hesitates for a moment. “She and Steve gossip about me when I’m not around. And apparently I’ve been smiling more lately. But that’s about it.”

Natasha hums but even through the phone Bucky can hear that she’s rather amused.

"What?" Bucky asks.

"I didn't say anything!"

"I can hear you laughing, just say whatever mean thing you're going to say and let's get this over with."

"I'm not gonna say anything mean! I was just wondering when we'd mention Steve in this conversation," she chuckles. "But really. Even your daughter can see that a relationship would be good for you. And that you like Steve a lot. Why not kill two birds with one Steve?"

Bucky sighs. "Because one Steve is also enough to kill this friendship we have."

"Why do you always just automatically assume that things will get fucked? It doesn't have to be the case. I'm serious, you'd better take a grip on yourself and ask him out or I'm back in three days and I'll do this for you. And I'll be as obnoxious and embarrassing for you as I can."

That's actually a pretty horrible threat. She would do that. And it would be both mortifying and horrible to experience for all the involved parties — maybe except Natasha. Bucky laughs, trying to imagine it, but the laugh is short-lived.

"Come on, Nat," Bucky starts after a moment, getting serious. "Steve is great and it's great having him around. But what if I make a move and he's not interested? I don't want to freak him out. Or remember that message I accidentally saw on his computer? He might be seeing someone already or be interested in someone else," Bucky pinches the bridge of his nose. "Plus, I know from experience that no matter how much he might seem to like me, a guy with a kid can turn out to be a bit much for people. I don't want to get hurt. I don't want Alex to get hurt. She adores Steve and I don't know if I can risk it."

"But I'm telling you, nobody's getting hurt anytime soon," Natasha chimes in. "You're overthinking, Yasha. Those are all valid concerns but you know what the counterargument is?" She takes a small break but she's not expecting Bucky to respond. "Steve's a good guy. He likes you. He likes Alex. He came to a primary school dance recital after knowing you for like a week just because you and Alex asked him to. Even if he doesn't want a relationship, it doesn’t mean that your friendship has to end. From all you've told me, he doesn't seem like the kind to trample on your hearts like this. Give yourself some time, but promise me you're gonna think about it, okay? And call me if you work yourself up into an anxious mess again, okay?”

“I will try not to be an anxious mess, but I’ll let you know. And I’ll think about it. Thanks, Tasha.” Bucky says.

“I love you no matter what, you dumbfuck. Bye.”

Bucky barely manages to say it back before she hangs up. He shakes his head with a small smile and retrieves his charger cable from behind the bedside table. As he plugs his phone, he accidentally knocks down the drawing from Steve. He picks it up, staring at the soft lines for who-knows-which time. His thumb gently traces the “Get well soon, Buck! x” scribbled at the bottom.

Looking at it, Bucky imagines the moment when Steve was writing it down. In his mind, he sees both Steve and Alexandra at the kitchen table, both leaning over their respective pieces of paper, focused on whatever they’re drawing. They are smiling, chatting about whatever common interest they’ve currently discovered. It’s a very nice picture. Enough to make Bucky’s heart ache.

Because Natasha is right. This is exactly what Bucky craves and what he’s been ignoring for years. That domesticity, that warm feeling one gets when looking at someone they care about. That happiness. He can almost imagine himself joining the picture he’s created in his head, walking over to that table and dropping a kiss first on Alex’s head and then on Steve’s, before he starts preparing the dinner. It feels right.

Maybe it’s not usual to imagine this calm, family life with someone he’s not even in a relationship with. Most people probably think of tons of other things, things that are not so… settled. Not as serious. Sometimes they never reach this part. But Bucky has figured a while ago that it doesn’t really work for him. He already has a family. And this family means everything and more to him. If he ever was to date, he has to make sure that the person would fit into his and Alexandra’s life. He has to skip ahead to make sure it’s worth going through the dates and the passion and all the work a relationship requires, without it all ending in a heartbreak. But Steve…

Steve fits so well into this picture, it scares Bucky a bit. Because this would be even harder to let go, if things didn't work out.

It's pretty clear, now that he allows himself to think about it, that he has some feelings for Steve. Besides the friendliness and sympathy, that is. They're the romantic kind and they're still fresh and shy but they're here. And Bucky has absolutely no clue how to deal with them. It's not even that surprising, he realises. Because how could he not catch feelings for Steve? For the kindest, most thoughtful and most selfless person in the world? For someone with his heart made of gold, who always knows how to make Bucky laugh? Someone who gets so passionate about the things he loves and just as much about the ones he despises? Who cares deeply, laughs with his whole body and who next to all this softness and kindness, is also a stubborn little asshole? Who — and this is the most important of all — adores Alex and whom she adores just as much?

Bucky's heart was a lost cause from the start.

Steve has a lot of qualities that Bucky would fall for if he looked for a partner. And that he accidentally might have fallen for anyway. And that's all without even mentioning that Steve is so ridiculously attractive that it might've skewed Bucky's view on beauty forever.

The point is — Natasha is right. That this could be a good thing. They could be a good thing. But what they have now is already good and Bucky really values this friendship. He isn't sure if pursuing a hypothetical picture in his head is worth putting it at risk. Because he still can't be sure if Steve's interested. For what Bucky knows, he's kind and caring towards all of his friends. It doesn't mean that Bucky and Alex are special.

He can almost hear Natasha's voice in his head, calling him an idiot and yelling that he won't know until he tries. Which is right, since Natasha always is. It doesn't help him stop the — partially excited but mostly terrified — somersaults his insides make. With a small sigh, he puts the drawing on its place by the lamp, flicks off the lights and burrows himself under the covers. He doesn't have to have everything figured out straight away. Letting himself even consider it is a big enough step for now, he decides as he drifts off to sleep.

The next day is Bucky's last day at work before the Christmas break. He doesn't really have much to do, just finishing some last updates and dealing with whatever paperwork he was putting off earlier. Most of the time, he chats with Scott, who has been wandering aimlessly around the institute for the lack of work and eventually landed in Bucky's tiny office. They've been chatting about their Christmas plans — nothing too elaborate for both of them, just simple time at home with their families — and now they started discussing where they should go to grab some lunch. Just as Bucky almost convinced Scott that they should go to this sushi place down the block instead of the Italian place, there's a knock on the door.

Bucky sends his friend a confused look.

"It wasn't me," Scott raises his hands in defence.

"Come in," Bucky calls after another second passes. It's probably someone having a last-minute computer problem or one of his co-workers wanting to drop by with Christmas wishes.

Except, when the door cracks open, Steve's head pokes in. Its hair is messy, its cheeks reddened from the cold and its lips spread in a smile.

"Hi, Buck. And hi Scott, it's nice to see you again," he says. "I'm not interrupting?"

And because Bucky's brain is still processing the fact that for some reason Steve's come to visit him at work, Scott's the one who says, "Not at all, come in."

Steve hesitates for another second. Bucky's brain finally kicks in and he smiles which is apparently the invitation Steve needed, because he finally fully walks into the office.

"Hi, Steve. I didn't expect you here," Bucky says, his smile growing bigger.

"Well, you should. Because after our talk yesterday, I decided to bring you lunch," Steve says, proudly showing a big paper bag in his hand. "I told you you haven't seen shit, and especially not overdramatic me."

This makes Bucky laugh out loud as he shakes his head in disbelief. How is Steve even real?

Scott is watching them with a slightly confused but endeared smile on his face. Before anyone can say anything, he gets up from the chair, slapping his thighs as he does.

"Okay then, I'll leave you to it," he says, walking towards the door.

"There's plenty to share, if you want to join us," Steve offers, because of course he does. His gold-heartedness wouldn't have it any other way.

But Scott only shakes his head at that. "Nah, I'm in the mood for some sushi today. Thanks, though."

"Asshole," Bucky narrows his eyes at Scott. "I hope you'd choke on it."

His friend only laughs at that, "Enjoy your lunch date! It's been great to see you, Steve. Merry Christmas."

"You too, Scott. Say hi to Hope and Cassie from me."

With one last grin aimed at Bucky — and a very pointed look behind Steve's back — Scott leaves them alone. Bucky tries not to dwell on the fact that Steve didn't even bat an eye when Scott called it a lunch date.

"Why should he choke?" Steve asks with a chuckle.

"I've been trying to talk him into going to that sushi place for almost twenty minutes before you came," Bucky sighs and then notices that Steve is still hovering by the door. "Come on, take your coat off and sit down. I can't believe you've brought me lunch."

Steve shrugs off his coat and leaves it on the hanger by the door, next to Bucky's. Today he's wearing a maroon sweater that really suits him and a pair of dark jeans. He pushes his sleeves up before he digs into the bag and Bucky tries not to stare too obviously.

"Someone's got to make sure you eat, since after yesterday I've gotten an idea you're not good at it yourself," Steve says. "Guess it wasn't necessary. Sadly, I don't have sushi but maybe you're in the mood for Thai?"

"Depends on whether you've brought me the dumplings or not," Bucky answers.

Steve laughs in response and takes out one of the boxes and hands it to Bucky. "I did. I also have green curry for you? I hope I remembered correctly that you like it? If not, I'm sorry, we can switch—"

"Steve." Bucky says solemnly, placing his hand on Steve's forearm, to stop him from fumbling with the food. "You not only brought me food but you remembered my favourite after I mentioned it one time. You are an angel. You should hide it better, because you make us mortals look bad."

He's only half joking. Steve does seem like a higher being of some sorts and it's unfair that Bucky's poor heart is supposed to handle it. It doesn't do a great job. Especially not when Steve laughs, his eyes crinkle so much they turn into thin slits.

"And I am the overdramatic one?" Steve asks, unpacking the last things and finally sitting on the chair across from Bucky. He's still smiling but there's a blush colouring his cheeks and creeping down his neck.

Bucky bites the inside of his cheek to contain a grin but the truth is, he's immensely proud of himself for pulling this reaction out of Steve. To stop himself from saying something stupid, he digs into his food.

"By the way, how did you find me here?" Bucky asks, his tongue sticking out a bit in concentration as he fishes for a dumpling with his chopsticks.

"Clara let me know where your office is, she was very helpful."

Bucky furrows his brows. The surprise makes him drop his dumpling back into the container. "Clara, as in Clara Oswald, our receptionist? How do you know her?"

"I don't. We've chatted for a few minutes and I explained why I'm here and she told me how to get to you."

"Ah, of course it took you about five minutes to charm her and get into a government building just like that," Bucky chuckles.

"I didn't charm anyone! I just politely asked and she helped!"

If it wasn't Steve, Bucky would take it as fake modesty. But the truth is that Steve really seems to be completely oblivious to the effect he has on people. It’s endearing to see him do this.

"So here's when you do your cool space stuff?" Steve asks, changing the subject.

"Here's when the real scientists come searching for help when there's some IT-related issue," Bucky corrects him. "I don't do anything cool. I make sure all the data is where it's supposed to be and that whatever equipment they need is ready and working properly. Or part of it, Scott's an engineer and he takes care of the rest. I do get to read some space facts first hand, though."

"That's still cool space stuff for me," Steve shrugs with a small smile. "What kinds of things are you researching here? Like some particular aspects of outer space, or—?"

Normally Bucky would just give the shortest answer possible. People usually get bored quickly when he starts talking about it. But something in the genuine interest on Steve's face, the way he is looking around the office — which is nothing special, the only nice things are the sky maps and some spaced themed art — makes Bucky think that maybe Steve wouldn't mind getting the longer answer.

"Well, we mostly study the weather. Both the Earth's and the one in the solar system, like the solar winds and magnetic storms, stuff like that. We study exoplanets and try to discover or guess as much as we can about them," Bucky says. "I helped to create simulations that predicted how they could look like and develop, to see if there's a possibility to inhabit them. We did it by basically dumping all the data we have into an elaborate computer programme and waiting to see what comes out." Bucky laughs and Steve does too, but he has the look of utter fascination on his face as he listens. "And all this helps with some more down-to-earth stuff — pun not intended. Like, we've done tons of studies in climate change."

"That's—," Steve starts when he makes sure that Bucky's done. "All of this sounds incredible. And you're a part of all those amazing things, how great is that?"

Bucky feels that his cheeks start to burn. There's another reason he usually sticks with the short answer. As much as he's proud to be working here and as much as he loves it, the impostor in him always makes sure that he understands the difference between his work and the actual research, analysis and all the heavy lifting that the astronomers do. He helps, of course he does. He does a great job at it, but there's still a difference. And such praise usually makes him squirm uncomfortably.

"And don't even try to get all modest with me again," Steve warns as if he's been reading Bucky's mind. "You've said that you don't do cool space stuff and then admitted that you've helped to create a program to imagine how exoplanets can look and change. So I know you're full of bullshit."

Steve raises an eyebrow in what's supposed to be an unimpressed look but it's not even close. The smile and the curious, bright eyes that are stating right at Bucky are destroying the effect. The blush on Bucky's cheeks only deepens, especially as Steve adds. "I've been impressed before but— Wow. Really, you guys are doing such incredible things here, I can’t wrap my head around it."

"We really do," Bucky agrees, eventually.

The beaming smile Steve sends him feels like a reward Bucky didn't know he deserves.

"So you've always liked space? Or was it an accident that brought you here?" Steve asks.

"No, I've always loved it. It's just so fascinating and there's always so much more to learn about it," Bucky doesn't even try to hide his excitement. "I've never fully understood all the science behind it but I loved staring at the sky, trying to find all those constellations and planets and galaxies. I've figured a way to somehow connect it to what I was good at and make it my job. Which is amazing. But now I mostly stare at the computer screen instead of the stars. "

He doesn't want to sound ungrateful but he must admit that it does kill some of the fun. But not even the astronomers simply state up at the sky to admire the view.

Steve only nods in response. "Alex mentioned that you guys went on a trip out of town to watch the stars. It must've been great."

"We did! It was like… almost 2 years ago, I think? I borrowed one of those fancy telescopes they have here. I needed to pick Alex up every time, cause she was too small to reach it," Bucky laughs as he brings out the memories. "It was fun, we should do that again, sometime. But I don't have much time now, so it’ll have to wait."

"It does sound great," Steve smiles that soft smile again. "I hope you'd find some time as it gets warm enough for such trips. I bet Alex would be delighted."

"Yeah. I'll let you know if that happens, in case you'd like to join," Bucky says before he can think better of it.

There's more of the childlike excitement on Steve's face as Bucky mentions it so maybe it wasn't that bad of an idea.

An actual bad idea comes out of Bucky's mouth a bit later, just as Steve is getting ready to head out. Bucky's lunch break is long gone and forgotten, because it's been two hours that Steve spent here. He apologises for staying so long and the assurances that Bucky didn't have any more work to do doesn't help.

"I'm sorry for taking your mind away from your responsibilities, but it was great spending time with you," Steve says.

So of course, because Bucky's heart doesn't get any chance to regroup, he doesn't have time to think before he blurts out. "We should have dinner together."

It's certainly not something Steve was expecting to hear. He just stares at Bucky. Before he has a chance to say anything, Bucky continues, "I mean. You should come for dinner. Clint and Nat are always around for a dinner, sometime between Christmas and New Year's. If you don't have any plans, it would be great if you came. But it's okay if you can't or don't want to."

Another moment passes and Bucky tries not to squirm under Steve's gaze. Luckily, Steve finally blinks and smiles as he says, "No, Buck, of course I'd love to come! I don't have any particular plans, will probably hang out with Sam for most of the break but I'll have plenty of time."

"You could take Sam with you," Bucky adds. He desperately tries to regain the control of his own mouth. "It'd be great to finally meet him."

"I'll let him know, I bet he’d be happy to come, too. Thanks again for the invite," Steve smiles as he cracks open the door. With a little wave, he walks out of the office. "Bye, Buck. Have a nice day."

"You too, Steve," Bucky says to the already closing door.

When Steve's gone, Bucky exhales heavily through his mouth as he leans back in his chair. Both of his hands go up to thread through his hair, tugging at it lightly.

Apparently, he has a dinner to prepare.

taglist: @steverrogers @till-the-end-of-the-line-punk @buckyshappyending

#where i'm meant to be #stucky #stevebucky #stucky fic #stevebucky fic #stevebucky fanfiction #stucky fanfitction #chapter 7 #my wrtiting #wimtb #sorry it took me so long!#i really hope you'll like it :')

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colour-outside-the-liness · 3 years

Note

Hi Colour! This is going to be a long one, so buckle up!

Oh wow, that's so precious! You've definitely earned the "real life Dani" nickname haha I wish I could find something meaningful like that to do with my life. I'm actually autistic and have ADHD so hearing you do this kind of work makes me really happy! Keep up the good work Ms. Clayton! 😁 Haha

You sound like a lot of fun to hang out with at pubs! Haha I'm glad you identify with that bit of info on your star placements. I had a lot of fun doing it too!

The thing about Hozier is that some of his lyrics are incredibly sapphic to me for some reason, I'm still trying to figure it out. NFWMB is one of the songs that feels like that to me. Don't know if you've heard it before but give it a try if you haven't. If you close your eyes it sounds like you're in an epic romantic story and there are swords, pretty gowns, and rooms lit by torches. Haha

The beginning of this song was inspired by a poem written by W.B Yeats called "The Second Coming" in 1920, and it talks about an apocalypse of sorts, alluding to all of the horrors men inflicted upon the world which ends up awakening this beast that goes to Jesus's place of birth in the Bible (Bethlehem) to be born. The last lines being:

"And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,

Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?"

So the song starts with:

"When I first saw you

The end was soon

To Bethlehem it slouched

And then, it must've caught a good look at you"

And oh boy do I think of Dani when I hear that. Especially bc of that scene where Viola accepts Dani's invitation to live inside her. And nobody knows why she accepts it (but I do!).

And yeah at first glance you might not think much of Dani. in the beginning she's just a tiny frail small-town girl with a lot of anxiety, running away from her past traumas. But she proves us wrong again and again and again. She moves to a country she's never been before entirely by herself, sees an opportunity, and doesn't let go of it even when it looks like it went wrong. Then is very loving and tender with these children who have gone through so much and are still going through so much. Tries to fight (with a fire poker!!) the threatening man that keeps harassing her, the children, and her friends. THEN manages to soften the angry, grumpy lesbian who's given up on people after A LOT of trauma (too much in my opinion) and doesn't give up on her when she rejects her either. Freaking exorcises her ex and makes him stop haunting her so she can be with the love of her life. And then finally as if all of that didn't make her the bravest hero in this story, she literally stops an apocalypse from happening and saves everyone from this beast by sacrificing herself without even thinking twice. Saves everyone that came before her and then the ones who'll come after for the rest of eternity. I mean the P-O-W-E-R this girl has. 💪 so hell yeah the lady in the lake wanted to take her.

When Hozier says:

"Ain't it a gentle sound, the rollin' in the graves?

Ain't it like thunder under earth, the sound it makes?

Ain't it exciting you, the rumble where you lay?

Ain't you my baby? ain't you my baby?"

I can only think of Dani at the bottom of the lake laying on top of all the bones of the people Viola killed and how she's at peace living forever in a dark place like that. That's kinda hardcore y'know?

After the first verses, Hozier goes on to talk abt his lover, someone so utterly terrifying even the beast of the end of the world can't stand to look at them. But this song is also about being proud to be this person's lover bc nothing can fuck with them, not bc you are there to protect them and wouldn't let anyone harm them, but bc they're more than capable of protecting themselves and you too. So in my head, this song is Jamie's declaration of love to Dani.

And then I think of Jamie's devotion to Dani when she said "If you can't feel anything, then I'll feel everything for the both of us." shown in this verse:

"If I was born as a blackthorn tree

I'd wanna be felled by you

Held by you

Fuel the pyre of your enemies"

And the fact that she took what she could get just to be with Dani. She knew she'd have to suffer for/bc of her at some point, but chose to be with her anyway. I have no doubts in my mind she'd want to be anything for her as long as they could be together in any way, shape, or form. In all the lives they happened to meet one another too.

Wouldn't it be cool to see them in an AU where Dani is like a medieval princess who's supposed to marry Edmund to form an alliance between kingdoms or something and Jamie is an assassin who is hired to kill the princess so she has to pretend to be Dani's personal guard or wtever but they fall in love and run away together and Jamie teaches her how to fight so Dani becomes this warrior but turns out Dani is naturally good at it and then she becomes a legend? Hahaha I can see her riding a horse in the winter with paint on her face and her blonde hair falling over this fur-lined cloak, fierce look on her face, and Jamie riding next to her (always). Then they come across Viola who's a witch and puts a curse on Dani and then Dani and Jamie have to travel to all sorts of places and fight all sorts of people and go on this whole adventure to rid Dani of this curse. Maybe Dani has to go back to her kingdom bc her father dies and there are other people trying to take her kingdom so there's a lot of angst and suffering but then they win at the end after a lot of sweat and tears and they live happily ever after! 😎Hahaha

Anyway, I hope you're having a great week so far and hope you had fun with your niece today! (I know if I was her and you had us make fudge and paint I'd worship you haha) I'm sorry for the very (very) long ask, but I've been obsessing over this idea for months and I just had to share it with someone! ✌️✨

(And you can call me Libby or wtever since I'm not anon anymore 🤗)

Awwh thank you so much for saying I have earned my 'real life Dani' title is means a lot to me that you guys see that in me!! I am sure you do so many meaningful things in life without even realising it!! I honestly just want to make a difference and I love helping people so going into a career like this just seemed so natural to me and I really do love what I do!! Thank you so much I really hope I can keep up the good work!! I hope I'm a lot of fun- I know I have helped win a few pub quizzes and there's been a few times I've won games of trivial pursuit as well so that really did make so much sense to me and learning about all the placements of my chart was so much fun and was so interesting so thank you very much!! I have heard some of Hozier's lyrics are quite sapphic and I always mean to look into more of his songs and then just never do but I will definitely look in to NFWMB because the lyrics you have sent me here are incredible and definitely give of Dani x Jamie vibes I definitely agree with you in everything you have said about why Viola accepted Dani's invitation- Dani and Viola are similar in some ways and this was something I was explaining to my niece when she watched it with me. I explained to her that both Viola and Dani are strong willed, and stubborn, and would do anything to fiercely protect the people they care about. We saw that time and time again with Dani, how within days of knowing Miles and Flora she was out with a fire poker trying to protect them from a strange man that she kept seeing around the manor. And how Viola would've done anything to protect her daughter. One major difference between them though is that Viola seemed to have a slight selfish streak where as Dani is entirely selfless, she was selfless for the longest time in even agreeing to marry Eddie so she wouldn't hurt him, she was selfless in protecting Miles and Flora, and even more selfless in saving Flora's life and freeing all the trapped spirits of Bly Manor and then she is selfless in the fact that she won't drag anyone down and won't hurt anyone else at Bly ever again. The one thing she did for herself was being with Jamie- and she was able to make Jamie open up and trust people in way she probably hadn't for the longest time. Dani is a truly strong person as was Viola and I can see why she would accept Dani's invitation. I will have to listen to this song to see it from a Jamie perspective which I will definitely do tomorrow but from the lyrics you have sent me I can definitely see it being a love declaration to Dani from Jamie. Jamie knew in the end she would suffer because she knew she wouldn't be able to keep Dani forever, and knew that one day she would have to leave her- but she knew loving Dani for as long as she was allowed to would be worth that pain in the end and Jamie is a truly strong person as well for knowing this and staying by Dani's side anyway when that must have been such a hard thing for Jamie to ever have to accept. Jamie would've been anything for Dani and would've one anything for her as Dani would've for Jamie and that's why I love them so much. They loved each other so purely and without conditions and so wholeheartedly and it really was such a lovely thing to watch play out in front of us (even if it did hurt us all at the end). I think it would be so cool to see an AU like that I think medieval stuff is always so fun and so interesting and a good enemies to lovers start never fails either because there's so much tension there between them. And Jamie being undercover as someone to get close to Dani and them slowly falling in love with each other would just be a great thing to see!! And I am all for warrior Dani and Jamie (women with weapons is a little bit of a weakness of mine)!! This whole AU just sounds incredible I love a good curse in fantasy stories and the curse slowly taking over and you thinking they're going to run out of time but everything works out in the end!! Dani going back to her kingdom because of her sick Dad dying would be great for angst because it would look

like she would have to marry someone to create an alliance and that she would have to take over a kingdom (perhaps something she never wanted to do in the first place)!! I think this could be a very angsty one shot and could be so interesting and fun and the happy ending would definitely make all the angst worth it in the end!! I am having a good week so far thank you and I had so much fun with my niece today, making fudge went great and she was happy that I was able to show her how to do it because she'd never made it before so now that's something she knows how to do (I think she thinks I'm way cooler than I actually am haha thank you for saying you'd worship me though if you were my niece haha 😂) but tomorrow she is teaching me how to do something because I taught her how to make fudge today... she's gonna teach me how to draw in an anime style- which is something she is really into and even though I'm not she loves drawing so I've asked if she can teach me since I taught her something today!! There's no need to apologise I loved this long angst and I loved this idea I think it's really great and interesting and that song just seems amazing and I am definitely gonna listen to it tomorrow when I get chance!! Thank you for sharing this idea with me I loved it!! ☺️ Haha oki doki then as long as that's alright with you Libby is what I'll call you!! Like I said you can seriously call me anything!! ☺️

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anne-white-star · 3 years

Text

Young Jon pertwee x waitress!reader

Notes: reader is a waitress jon saves her from a scary situation and more will happen read to find out😊

Please ignore any spelling mistakes thank you 😊

There are hystorical mistakes im sorry about that i tried my best

Warnings : cursing nothing bad or explisit

Words : 2067

It was 1947 2 years After the war of 1945 people wer trying to pick back up their lives. A lot of buildings were destroyed many people died, lots of people fled and fought the war it was a big chaos the last 5 years, but things were calm now.

Jon pertwee came back home from the war after serving as a marine in the navy on the HMS Hood also in the ww2 many of his men died one of the only survivers of his group was him and Ian Fleming. (I hope i got it corect if not my excuses)

"Hey jon! How are you doing mate?" Jon turnd around at the mention of his name.

"Oh hey ian, it has been a few years" jon grabed his hand and shook it "im doing fine how about you?".

"im doing alright, im just trying to pick my life back up you?" They started to walk next to echother.

"Yes me to the past years have been really tough" as they both crossed the street jon his eyes fell on a bar/restaurant/pub "shall we go get a beer? Than we talk further".

"Sounds good im always if for a cold beer" ian laught

Walking in they were greated by lots of men sitting and drinking their fill, waitresses were serving food the bar tender was filling their beer mug. And there were a few cooks in the back prepairing some food. They sat down at a table and a women walked up to them.

"Hello welkom to the fox and hounds my name is y/n and i will be your waitress this afternoon would you like to eat or drink something?" She grabed a pen and note book out of her apron ready to Wright down their order. (The Fox & Hounds is locaded at 29 Passmore St, Belgravia, London SW1W 8HR, not far from jon his old home at 66 Chester Row it was build around 1960 but lets pretend its older)

"Umm yes" jon looked at the menu

"I'll take a pint" ian said

"I take one as wel"

Y/n looked up from her note book "anything ells?"

"No this is fine" jon smiled at the women

"Alright two pints coming up" she walked back to the bar to get them

"Are you starting to like her don't you?" Ian asked

"What?"

"I saw the way you looked at her"

"Oh be quiet you" jon punched his shoulder while grining

"So here you go two pints that be 2s 4d"( its origanaly 1s 2d im not british i Googled it but i really don't know how this works it was after the war) she smiled and put them down on the table before them

"Here you go i pay for both of us" ian said to her and smiled

Y/n took the money from the table and put it in her apron

Jon started to drink his beer and they talked with echoter for about 30 minuts when

"Hey let me go aaahhh!!!"

They both turned around to look where the scream came from, when they turned around they saw y/n being hold back with a gun pointed to her head

"Give me all the money out the register or the pretty girl will pay with her life"

"Please let me go" she asked while crying softly

Jon put his beer mug back down on the table and stood up "let the girl go"

"Hmpf" "what are you going to....." the man was caught of guard by jon punching him in the face "agh!! you fucking cunt!" the gun fell out of his hand and His hands flew to his nose. Jon grabed the gun from the ground and went to stand in between y/n and the man.

"Now put your hands up turn around and face the wall" jon pointed the gun in the back of the man "someone call the police"

Ian walked up to y/n and sat next to her on the ground "are you alright?"

"Yeah yeah im fine..... i just need a moment" *sigh*

About 30 minuts later Two police officers stept in "Good afternoon we got a call for a attempt of robbery and a hostage"

"Yes sirs here he is" jon said while still pointing his gun at the man.

"Alright we take it from here thank you so mutch for keeping him under controle" one of the police man took handcuffs and arested the man.

"Also here is his gun" jon gave it to the other officer

"Thank you sir, we will take care of all this".

After the police officers took the man away jon turned to y/n sitting on the ground with a blanked over her shoulders. "how are you feeling?"

"Im feeling better now thank you" *sigh* "i just feel a bit scared now to get home"

"Where do you life?"

"About 30 minuts away but i have to be at work tomorow"

"If you want you can stay at my home i don't live far from the restaurant"

"That would be Nice sir"

"Oh please don't be so formal just call me jon"

"Thank you jon" y/n smiled at him.

Ian had been gone for a few hours after the insedent, after y/n her shift they walked to jon's house

"So this is my place" jon unlocked the door and let her in. "Make yourself at home"

"Its quite lovely" she looked around, y/n put her bag down and hung her coat on the coat rack.

"You must be hugry" jon said while walking to the kitchen "what would you like?"

"Hmm is (favorite food) alright?"

Jon laught "sure but i don't know how to make that, perhaps you could help me?"

"Of course i will help you jon its the least i can do" she went to stand next to him.

After they were done preparing the food they both sat down and started to eat

"Hmm this tastes great"

"Im glad you like it jon"

When they were done with eating their food y/n went to prepare herself for bed "where can i sleep jon?"

"you can take the bed y/n i'll take the coutch"

"Are you sure?"

"Its fine don't worry, good night dear"

"Good night".

The next morning both jon and y/n had breakfast with echoter and talked about all kinds of stuff

"i can't thank you enough for helping me out yesterday"

"Oh its nothig i dealed with worse"

"You fought in the war din't you?"

"Unfortanetly yes" jon looked down sadly "so many died, i lost a lot of comerats in battle"

Y/n grabed his hand softly in hers "Im so sorry, that you had to go trough that jon"

Jon smiled at her "Its alright I only hope this never happens again"

Y/n looked at the clock "oh goodness i have to get ready my shift starts in an hour" she stood up and went to get ready for work.

The few days that y/n had to work she would sleep the nights at jon's house so that she could be at work on time when she had off from work y/n would go back to her own home. Jon had to admid the days when she wasn't there during the late afternoon and diner it was quite lonley, but the days she was at his house they enjoyed cooking, reading and playing games to pass the time.

6 months had passed sinds the incedent at the fox and hounds and y/n and jon got very close with echoter they became great Friends even to the point that they both fell in love with one another but both din't know it that they were.

"Hey jon in a few days there will be music at the fox and hounds and i was wondering if you would like to go with me?"

"Sure it sounds like fun"

The evening came around and people were dressed up formal y/n was wearing a long black dress with long white gloves and golden wristbands plus a pearl necklace around her nek her hair was in pretty waves down her back. They were enjoying them selfs when the bar tender came up to y/n

"Y/n can i talk to you for a moment"

"Alright sure, i be back in a few minuts jon" they both walked to the back of the restaurant "whats wrong?"

"Wel i got the news that the last person who was suposed to sing could't come because their car broke down"

"Oh no what are we going to do"

"Cant you go up there?"

"What me? Really?"

"Yes you, i have heared you sing something while being in the back your voice is very pretty y/n"

"Hmm... Alright i'll do it"

"Thank you y/n you are a life saver"

About 30 minuts later it was time for her to come one the stage

"Ladys and gentelmen may i have your atention for the last act y/n y/l/n"

(Play the song from here if you want)

🎶He was a famous trumpet man from old Chicago way

He had a boogie style that no one else could play

He was the top man at his craft

But then his number came up and he was gone with the draft

He's in the army now, a-blowin' Reveille

He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of Company B

A-toot, a-toot, a-toot-diddelyada🎶

Y/n looked over the crowd trying to find jon

🎶Ai, ai, ai, ai, ai

Have you ever danced in the tropics?

Well that girl's a fool

With the Gaucho?????

Of the South American way, hey!

Ai, ai, ai, ai. ai

Could you have ever kissed in the moon light

If you never kissed

Who knows what you've missed

In the South American Way🎶

Again looking around she still could't spot him

🎶Bei mir bist du schoen

Please let me explain

Bie mir bist du schoen means you're grand

Bei mir bist du schoen

Again I'll explain

It means you're the fairest in the land

I could say "bella, bella"

Even say "wunderbar"

Each language only helps me tell you

How grand you are

I'll try to explain

Bei mir bist du schoen

So kiss me and say you'll understand🎶

"Okay guys, grab your gal and hit the floor

'Cos here's that beat you've been waiting to swing to" said the bar tender to the crowd of people

🎶Who's the lovin' daddy with the beautiful eyes

What a pair o' lips, I'd like to try 'em for size

I'll just tell him, "Baby, won't you swing it with me"

Hope he tells me, "Baby, what a wing it will be"

So, I said politely "Darlin' may I intrude"

He said "Don't keep me waitin' when I'm in the mood"

In the mood

It didn't take me long to say "I'm in the mood now🎶

She finaly spoted him in the crowd he was looking at her with a dreamy look.

🎶If you ever go down Trinidad

They make you feel so very glad

Calypso sing and make up rhyme

Guarantee you one real good fine time

Drinkin' rum and Coca-Cola

Go down Point Koomahnah

Both mother and daughter

Workin' for the Yankee dollar🎶

🎶Oh, Tico Tico, tick

Oh, Tico Tico, tock

This Tico Tico, he's the cuckoo in my clock

And when he says "Cuckoo"

He means it's time to woo

It's Tico time for all the lovers in the block

I've got a heavy date

A tete-a-tete at eight

So speak, oh Tico, tell me is it getting late?

If I'm on time, cuckoo

But, if I'm late, woo woo

The one my heart is gone to may not want to wait🎶

🎶In Spain they say "Si, si"

In France you hear "Oui, oui"

Ev'ry little Dutch girl says "Ya, ya"

Ev'ry little Russian says "Da, da"

La-la-la-la-da-da-da-da

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da

Da-da-da-de-de-da-da

De-da-da-da-da-da-da-da🎶

When the song was over people clapped and cheered for her performance. Jon walked up the stairs of the podium.

"That was amazing y/n i din't know you could sing so wel"

"Thank you jon it means a lot" y/n smiled

"I want to ask you a question y/n"

"Yes jon go ahead"

"Would you like to be My girlfriend?"

"I would love to"

Jon kissed y/n a top of her head knowing that this women wil be a great joy in his live.

The end

I hope you all enjoyed reading 😊

#doctor who #third doctor #jon pertwee #3rd doctor #classic who #classic doctor who #third doctor x reader #jon pertwee x reader #young jon pertwee #Spotify

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bby-ahgastay · 4 years

Text

a/n: hey guys. there's a lot going on right now in the US. my heart is heavy seeing it all. as a little girl i was terrified of cops. no little girl should be scared of someone who is supposed to protect her and everyone around her. i plan to help fight for BLACK LIVES MATTER. i hope you all will do what you can as well. i wrote this after my parents told me they don't want me near the protests. my dad said he's seen videos of people being pushed to the floor by cops for just standing there. i told him i would be okay with becoming one of those videos if it means people will keep seeing what's going on. so that people will finally see that ALL. COPS. ARE. BASTARDS. i wanted to use this small platform i have here to get out some of what i have to say. and i have so much more to say still. not enough can ever be said. i hope that those of you in america stand with me and everyone else on this side during this time. i pray and hope with all my heart that our boys will.

SILENCE = VIOLENCE

TU LUCHA ES MI LUCHA

ALL COPS ARE BASTARDS

BLACK LIVES MATTER

-------

"hey, i've been seeing all those videos... you're really going to this thing? it seems so dangerous," your boyfriends worried voice rings through your phones speakers. his camera is pointed straight upwards, all you can see is the ceiling in his kitchen. "i don't really want you around all that stuff. you could get really hurt."

chan was in korea right now. you live out there too, for school, but america was your birth place. stuff has been getting bad in america lately. the virus hit everywhere hard, but america didn't deal with it properly. while the rest of the world was recovering from it, people out there are still getting sick and dying. and the fight between races was no better after so long. black people were still dying at the hands of people who would receive no real consequences. and people are done.

there are riots and people are looting. the streets are filled with people who are done with cops. the entire criminal justice system in america was built on a rotten foundation. they started as a slave patrol, to bring back slaves who had escaped their owners clutches. what is built on a rotten foundation will always be rotten.

you want to fight with those who want to better the country. so to show your support for the black lives matter movement you decided to go home. to fight with them right there in person. it didn't feel enough to stay in korea and show your support through social media. so now you're back at your family home in los angeles, ready to go to every protest you can.

though chan wishes you wouldn't. he's been trying to stay as up to date with everything as much as he could. he knows that you've already gone to the ones that have happened since you've arrived, but they're getting worse and he keeps trying to get you stay home. you know he just cares for your safety. you've been hurt already and he's scared how much worse it can get. but this is too important to you to just stay home and watch from your window. you wish he just understood that you need to be a part of this as much as you possibly can.

"yes, i'm really going. i have to. i need to be a part of this," you bite your lips nervously. "i mean..." chan appears on screen again, eyes sticking to you intently as you speak. "all my life, i've been told how lucky i am to be in this country. how proud i should be that i was born an american. and i know i should be proud, my grandparents worked hard to make sure i could be an american. but how can i be proud of this place anymore?

"just seeing my own family struggling to live here peacefully is enough reason to be ashamed. how is it right that my abuelo and abuela came here for a better life for their family and now they can't even walk past a police officer without worrying about getting stopped. cops hardly need an excuse to harass a person of color. and if my grandparents are ever stopped by a cop they could find out that they're not legal and they'll get deported.

"i've grown up terrified of cops. at five years old if i would just see a cop car near my house i would know to tell my mamá and papá so we could get the house ready 'just in case they wanted to take abuelo and abuela away from us...' that's what they would say to me and the other kids in the house. we were all just children... but still we knew exactly what to do by the time we could walk and talk.

"and while we have to hide my grandparents from the law, hide them for their crime of making a better life for their children and the next generations to come, a black person has to worry about losing their life or losing a loved one while just walking down the street.

"you've seen the videos, chan. they're chanting 'black lives matter' and 'all cops are bastards'. they're both right and they're both something that everyone should know by now. and yet still here we are fighting against people who still support cops because theyre either just as bad as they are or they simply don't understand. and they chose not to educate themselves so they go on believing that we are the bad guys. i want them to get it. this isn't white versus black. this is everyone versus racists. and them saying 'i'm not racist' can not be enough. 'not racist' will get us no where. what we need is anti racism. and until we have that i won't be proud of this country.

"how can i? how can i be proud of a place that not only doesn't welcome me or my family, but a place that allows lives to be taken everyday and for what reason? all because someone with a badge, the same badge they used as slave patrollers, decided to abuse the power we wrongly placed in their hands because they know they can get away with it since that person was darker than them. because as far as this system shows the law doesn't know yet that black lives matter. and since they lack that knowledge they get away with no more consequences than a slap on the wrist. and we've been trying to teach them. we've been screaming at them 'black lives matter' for years. but they haven't listened. they kept pushing it away, ignoring it. they continue to allow the murder. and they think that we will too.

"well, i fucking refuse. i refuse to watch this anymore. i refuse to just let this just be another month full of retweeting petitions and nothing more. i refuse to let my country go on like this. i refuse to let my children see america like this. i refuse to become another adult in this damned place telling my kids 'you should be proud,' just for them to grow up and see what is really happening here. i don't want them to just be another generation that this shit just gets passed onto. this fight has been going on for too fucking long and i intend to be a part of the movement that ends it in any way i can. and right now that means going to every single protest i can."

your voice shakes the entire time you talk, tears streaming down your face barely a few sentences in. a hand comes up to wipe your face, sniffling slightly and clearing your throat. you look back at your phone, catching channie's glassy eyes through the screen. "sorry, i-i got carried away... it just all makes me so mad," another wave of fresh tears comes and you struggle to keep them back. a groan leaves you as you rub your eyes with your sleeves.

"hey," you look to see him shaking his head. "don't be sorry. i understand. i'm proud i have such a passionate girlfriend. and i know that you will help make america a place that one day our kids will be proud of, just like you want for them. i love you. please be careful out there," there's a slight break in his voice and you're surprised to see a couple tears fall from his eyes.

"i promise i will. i love you, too, chan. so much."

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lovemychoices · 4 years

Text

W.I.P Sunday Wednesday. What day?

Thanks @desiree-0816 @annekebbphotography @thecordoniandiaries for the tag. I know I suck at keeping up with these things. Between work and my social life right now everything is just HECTIC and will probably stay that way until after the new years Chinese New Year. No promises when all of these will be out but like hopefully within this month?

BEFORE THERE WAS YOU (TRR AU) LIAM X MC X LEO

Leo was just outside the stables working on his motorcycle shirtless, when Eve happened to pass by. She paused on her feet, her eyes gazed at his perfectly toned body, how it glistens under the afternoon sun. Damn those Rys brothers and their greek god bodies. She swallows hard before clearing her throat.

“Is that a Harley Street Rod?”

Leo stopped at what he was doing to look over his shoulder. “Good eye, you have one of these two?”

“I’m more of a Ducati person but this is pretty sweet too.”

Leo tosses the wrench into the toolbox next to him and gets up. He takes the towel on his bike and wipes the sweat off his face and body before tossing it back on his shoulder.

“Yeah I have one of those too. But the street rod is more cross country friendly. Don’t you agree?”

He grinned

Her eyes widened and her mouth slightly opened as he stood there in front of her. Stop staring at his abs you IDIOT! Eve quick shook her head moving her attention from his body to his face. “I uh.. Yeah.. Totally agree.” She stutters.”

“So how are you liking the country side of Cordonia so far?”

Eve shrugs. “I don’t know. I haven’t really been outside of applewood manor since we got here. Between the seasonal events and ethics class from Bertrand, Liam always being busy. There never was the right time to go exploring.”

“I’m pretty free now, I could show you around?”

PLAYING WITH FIRE (ROD AU) COLT X MC

“Mind telling me what’s this?” Riya asked holding up an orange pill bottle. “What do you even need Oxycodone for?”

“Omg.. Did you just go through my stuff without my permission?!” She retorted, her hands balling into a fist. “You have no right to do that Riya.”

“I was short on cash and looked through you purse to borrow some. Maybe it’s a good thing I did or who knows how long your drug addiction was going to continue.” She xxxxxxx. “Is that why you’ve been so chill the past few months? Because you’ve been using? What else have you been using? Heroin? Cocaine?”

“I’m not a drug addict if that’s what you’re implying, I only use them when I go to parties or when I’m feeling stressed out.” She folds her arms her with her eyes downcast. “And for the record I don’t do heroin or cocaine. I’m mostly on prescription pill and occasionally Molly.”

“Kaela how could you be so stupid?! Grieving is one thing but this?!”

“Don’t talk to me like you know what it’s like to feel grief. I tried to grieve him, Riya. Trust me I've got grieving down to a science at this point. But every time I let it sink in that I'm never gonna see you again, I feel like I'm gonna die.” She whimpered. “I— I want to die!

“You can’t say things like that Kaela.”

“And why not? It’s the truth! I can’t do this anymore.. I’m sorry.. I need to go somewhere.” She said taking her purse from the counter and storms out of the apartment, Riya chasing her shortly after into the parking lot “Kaela where are you going, you can’t do this you need help. Just talk to me please!” She pleaded reaching to take her hand but Kaela

“Omg! Riya can you like not!” She belted as she pushed Riya’s hand away. “Just leave me alone!” She quickly gets into her car and drives away while Riya watches her from behind.

ALWAYS BE MY DRIVE (ROD AU) Colt x MC x Logan

Spring 2012

After dinner and some cake Colt and Emma got ready to head to the mall. They were at foyer about to leave when Emma remembered something. “Colt, wait I almost forgot. Wait here for a minute.” She said and hurried up the stairs coming back a few seconds later with a baby blue colored gift bag in her hand. “Happy birthday Colt, I hope you like it.” She beamed, handing the gift bag.

“Emma, you really didn’t have to give me anything.”

“Of course I do, it’s your thirteenth birthday. You’ve officially entered the teen zone and you deserve something special to remember it by.”

Colt smiled, he opened the bag and took out navy blue colored polaroid camera. “This is…”

“You don’t like?”

“What? No.. I was going to say this is the best gift I have so far. Thank you Em.” He said pulling her into a hug. They pulled a part a moment later Colt gave her curious look. “How did you know I wanted one of these?”

Emma chuckled. “You know by now not to underestimate how well I know you Colt Kaneko.”

“I guess I should know better by now huh?” He grinned. He looked down at the camera in his hand and had an idea. “Hey Em, smile at the camera won’t you? You’ll be the first official photo I take with it.”

She gave her best smile and he clicked on the button, a polaroid photo came out of the camera. Colt gently shook the picture to let it dry, a few seconds later he looked at the picture and smiled. “How do I look?” She asked. “You look perfect.” He replied and showed her the picture, she smiled then tiptoes up to kiss him on the cheek. “C'mon let’s go before the mall closes.”

THE LOST PRINCE (TRR x TRH AU) Liam x MC

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Riley asked leaning against the door frame with her arms folded as she watched her husband packed his clothes into a suitcase. “I don’t understand why cant send Hakim like you always do?”

Liam puts the last of his clothing and zipped his luggage shut before turning to his wife. “ Because they wanted to meet with me personally and nobody else. Besides ...” He turned and sauntered toward Riley placing his hands on her shoulder, placing a kiss on her forehead. “I need you here to look after things while I’m gone, especially since we’re expecting visitors from Auvernal in a few days.”

Riley gave a forced smile, ever since she mentioned about the whole surrogate thing he has been acting a little differently, like there was something he was hiding from her. She was beginning to think he was doubting her as his wife. “If I must.”

“I promise to bring you a box of cronuts from your favourite shop in New York.”

“Make that two boxes.” She grinned and tiptoed to kiss him on the lips. Not having a clue about the secret her husband was keeping from her, that he wasn’t going to New York for a diplomatic meeting but was traveling to LA instead to meet with the son he never knew he had.

*************************************************

Coming Soon

LEGACIES (MODERN DAY D&D AU)

Reign impatiently taps her foot on the carpet of the taxi, the traffic approaching Madison Avenue was a nightmare. It was already 0930am, she had less than 30 minutes to get to her interview and she wasn’t going to make it at this rate. OMG. I’m never going to make it at this rate! Time for plan B. “Excuse me, how far is it from here to Foredale Consolidated?”

“Three blocks..”

Three blocks? I can make it. “Here keep the change.” She said handing the driver a 20 dollar bill before bolting out of the yellow cab.

You can do this Reign, you’ve ran marathons before. Not in heels but if that lady in Jurassic World can do it, so can you! Two blocks.. pfft.. childsplay.

A little while later Reign finally reaches the opposite road of Foredale consolidated. She bends down, both hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath. “I… made it..” she pants, straightening back up a while later, trying to compose herself. “Just a little bit more.” My feet is going to kill me after this.

She was so focused on getting to the building didn't look twice before crossing the road and almost gets hit by a town car. BEEP! BEEP! The driver honks at her. “Sorry! Sorry!” She apologize raising both hands up before continuing to walk towards Foredale Consolidated in a fast pace.

*************************************************Whatcha working on? @client-327 @lovehugsandcandy @furiouscloddonutpeanut @flowerpowell @princess-geek @zaffrenotes @brightpinkpeppercorn @hellospunkiebrewster @whenyourheartskipsabeat @ao719 @jessiembruno @emceesynonymroll

#playchoices #liam x mc #colt x mc #ernest x mc #logan x mc #long post #playchoice au #playchoice : ride or die #playchoices : desire & decorum #playchoices : the royal romance

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softforcal · 5 years

Note

I just read both your poly!5sos and Cal pregnancy and my heart has melted 😭💕 and since I've been in an Ashton mood for the past week can you do one for him please?

ASHTON X PREGNANT READER (bonus proposal)

(Cal) (Luke) (Poly) (Michael)

-((((Also side note: i wasn’t going to post today but its @irwinkitten‘s birthday tomorrow (in a few hours her time) and i adore her so i wanted to kick off her birthday with something soft to show how much she means to me. Love you Laura. now fucking die hoe. )))

-this boy wants babies

-lots of em

-the two of you have been together for over a year and it’s definitely something you’ve talked about

-but he’s really busy with Youngblood and other stuff so it never really gets to be the right time

-you’re on tour with him and there’s about a month left and you’re having EXTREME baby fever because there are adorable children everywhere in the city you’re in

-like. an unusual amount of children

-or maybe you’re just noticing because it’s something thats on your mind

-regardless. your heart is soft as fuck.

-Ash is getting ready to go on stage and he notices you’re being kinda weird, “what’s up babe?” he asks

-”thinking about kids.” you sigh

-he stops what he’s doing and looks at you

-”oh yeah?”

-”yeah. i mean. your tour’s almost over and… i mean… if we wanted to start building a family… now might be a good time.” you shrug, “but no pressure, i mean you still have your career to think about-” he cuts you off with a kiss

-”we’ll talk about this when the show’s over, i promise.” he says, kissing your forehead before going to join the boys and go on stage

-you watch the show and surprisingly, getting pregnant isnt huge on your mind. it doesn’t really worry you. you know it’s something Ashton wants and now that you want it, you have no doubt that it will work out.

-the show ends and you wait in a back room for Ashton

-he comes off stage and is all sweaty and gorgeous and he just grabs you, “where are we going?” you ask as he pulls you towards a back dressing room, closing the door and locking it

-he kisses you, “you said you want a baby right?”

-”yeah?”

-”so stop asking questions and let daddy work.”

-’daddy’ has always used in the bedroom but OOF having baby fever while hearing it is wild

-Ashton always goes hard and this is no different

-you’ve never really done breeding kink before or really talked about pregnancy during sex and all of the sudden Ashton is like “you want me to fill you up Princess?” “going to pump a fucking baby into you.” and he’s going DEEP AF because like… better for making babies right?

-there’s probably not any real logic to that but whatever fam

-he hitting those spots is all i’m saying

-you both finish and he just stays inside of your for a bit, kissing you and being super soft

-but unlike other times with condoms, now there’s a bit of a mess (its the fucking worst) so he helps clean you up and is still super soft about it

-going back to the hotel you’re staying at for the night and he’s already down to go again

-once in the bedroom, then in the shower, then in the bedroom again, and then again in the shower and by the time you get to the bedroom again you’re like ‘please let me sleep’ and he just laughs and pulls you to his chest

-cuddling and talking about baby names

-talking about starting a family

-he’s been ready for a while but was waiting for you because it was obvious he was always down

-talking about whether you want a baby girl or boy first

-talking about how many kids you want

-just fully having an idea of the life you both want together

-you continue on tour and you have a general idea of when you’re period should come

-two weeks of really great sex all the time

-being in so many different cities and countries because you’re at the end of tour that days just start whipping by and then one day Ashton tosses you a pregnancy test because THIS GUY has a period app on his phone for you because he’s THAT FUCKING BOYFRIEND.

-”why do you have a period app for me?” “so i know when i have to go buy you chocolate. do you think i just magically have chocolate every time you get a craving?”

-what a sweetheart

-so you’re in a hotel for the night and you go pee on the stick and wait

-Ashton orders room service so that no matter what, you have comfort food to eat after the results

-”i’m afraid to look.” you groan. oddly enough he is too.

-so he calls Calum and is like “you need to get over here.” so Calum shows up and is like “what the fuck do you two animals want?” and Ashton is like “go look in the bathroom.”

-and Calum is hesitant as fuck, “if there’s a dead body in there? i hope you know Best Friend is just a song.” but he reluctantly goes inside, “did you pee on this?!” he calls back.

-”is she pregnant or not mate?!” Ashton yells.

-”yeah. she pregnant.” Calum states.

-Ashton immediately hugs you tight and after a few moments another pair of arms goes around you and Ashton and Calum is just like, “this makes me the godfather right?” “yes but don’t tell Michael. he’s going to be pissed.”

-”so… you can go now Cal.” “fuck, right, sorry.”

-once he’s gone you and Ashton just kiss and cuddle and are super fucking happy

-a few minutes later there’s knocking at your door. its Luke and Michael and they’re both like “i knew you two were fucking ever more often than normal!” “why didn’t you tell us you were trying to get pregnant!?”

-”a lots been going on mate.” Ashton shrugs. and it’s true. they’ve been really busy. besides, neither of you wanted to get your hopes up about it because for some couples it takes a long time to get pregnant

-so Luke and Michael hang out for a bit, Calum stops by to apologize for immediately throwing you two under the bus and telling Michael and Luke and then he goes, “you’ll forgive me, i’m the godfather.” and Michael freaks out

-Ashton ushering them all out of the room for alone time with you

-of course cuddling leads to sex

-he’s being a bit more gentle and you moan “daddy” and he just stops. pulls out and sits down with his head in his hands like “you can’t call me that anymore.” and he’s so distraught about it

-can you imagine. like. one of his main kinks. just out the door. because now it has to actually be used because he’s going to be a dad

-you rub at his shoulders and are just like… “sir?”

-yup that gets him going again with a laugh

-i mean, it’s nothing compared to ‘daddy’ but it will have to do

-the tour continues and it’s the second last show and as it ends, the boys are like “we have one last song for you.” and they start singing you and Ashton’s couple song and he straight up proposes to you on stage

-”i wanted to do this at the last concert but that’s Michael’s birthday so i didn’t think i could do him dirty like that,” Ashton teases as he gets down on a knee, “will you marry me?”

-of course you say yes

-its really sweet and cute and the fandom is shooketh

-they have their last concert and then everyone heads back to LA

-your first day back, Ashton is already planning the baby room because he’s so excited

-he’s just running around and he’s so cute getting worried about sharp corners and stuff like that and it’s just like “Ashton. we have time. i’m not even showing yet.”

-he’s just so excited to be getting married to you AND having a baby

-cuddles that calm him down but he gets excited and starts planning again

-having a small engagement party and announcing to close family and friends that you’re also pregnant

-so, everyone knows you’re engaged because of his very public proposal but Ashton decides to make a post for his insta to officially celebrate, he chooses a picture of you drinking a sparkling drink at your engagement party, ring showing

-he writes a long ass post about finding the love of his life and starting a new chapter and how excited he is, but he also states something along the lines of “and don’t worry, the drink is non alcoholic ;)”

-like the doesn’t explicitly state you’re pregnant but of course there would only be one fucking reason you can’t drink anymore

-the fandom is once more: shook

-now that you’re back in LA he has a lot of time to spend with you when he’s not working on the new album

-and he is an absolute spoiler

-like, as soon as you have any craving for food, he’s getting it for you

-because “you’re eating for two now Sweetheart.”

-going to your ultrasound and you decide to not know the gender of the baby (tbh, i do this every time because i wanna leave it up to the reader;)

-but the baby is strong and healthy and Ashton has tears in his eyes

-your bump begins to show and he adores it so much because “that’s my baby in there.” “our baby.” “nope, pretty sure i’m the only parent here.”

-what a teasing fuck

-he’s way softer with sex though, that would be for sure

-lots more cockwarming

-he straight up talks to the baby while he’s inside you and it’s like… “Ashton what the fuck.”

-”fuck, we can’t swear anymore. shit. i’m going to be such a bad fucking father.”

-assuring him that he’ll be a great dad

-he would totally hire someone to make the baby room perfect. i just see him as the guy that wants everything 10/10

-as it gets closer to your due date he religiously baby proofs the entire house

-he has the hospital on speed dial

-as its coming down to your due date this boy can’t sleep

-like. he is super stressed out and excited

-the boys being there for you two because this is a BIG deal

-he would adore cuddling next to your stomach and talking to the baby

-tapping gently on your stomach to show drum beats

-Ashton doesn’t even want you to leave the house without him incase somehow you get in trouble or need him and he’s not there

-can you imagine being a bit of a rebellious girlfriend and going for a walk while he’s still asleep and your water breaks so you call him and he’s like “Y/N, what the fuck, where are you?” and you’re just like “yeah… so i went for a walk and i’m fine, but like…. my water broke.” and he’s just like “fucking classic. of fucking course this would happen.”

-he comes and picks you up from wherever you are (probably like a block away from the house or some shit because classic) and he looks like shit cuz he’s exhausted and in a hoodie and sweats but he still managed to grab the hospital bag for the birth

-part of him wants to drive with both hands on the wheel to be safe

-but part of him wants to hold your hand so you can squeeze it while you have contractions

-but part of him wants his hand on your belly

-so probably a lot of him doing all three and you being like “hands on the wheel Ashton!” “we’re at a red light i can touch-” “Ashton it’s green now!”

-getting to the hospital and he doesn’t even get a wheel chair he just carries you because fuck that

-he’s super nervous and everyone can tell

-the boys show up and calm him down a bit

-”i cant believe this is fucking happening. oh my god. what if this is the last time i can swear? fuck. fuck. Y/N i fucking love you so fucking much holy shit.”

-”Ashton. calm down.”

-”what if im a terrible father.”

-”then i’ll divorce you and run away with Calum.”

-this earns a glare then a laugh and Calum’s just like “as the godfather, i can say that I one hundred percent would support that decision Y/N.”

-you all get Ashton to calm down and he holds your hand the entire time

-he would be such a great dad holy shit.

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