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nabrizoya · 3 years

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RoW Theories and Things I Want to See

with RoW literally a few weeks away, here’s some theories your way.

this is Really long. like, really very long; mind you.

Nikolai might become a disabled character.

It’s just the vibes. If we can take reference from the Too Clever Fox story, there’s a line that says “...and his [Koja’s] fur never quite sat right the same...”, which might hint at it (mostly bc i don’t want him to die). Also if this is indeed possible, it can be used to address ableism if it exists in this universe, especially since Nikolai is someone in the highest position of power.

Zoya will experiment the shit out of powers.

Idk why the synopsis says that using her powers might be a great deal, which tbf will be because she is truly the most most powerful atm; but Zoya wouldn’t mind taking the step outside of the old norms and bend the orders until they serve their purpose. That’s the entire goal rly.

But all along, she will consciously keep herself mindful to not hunger or discharge her power in a way that may cause harm. She knows the tyranny of the Darkling and the ways he employed. She knows better.

More character depth to Zoya.

Given the excerpts, the book does seem to explore Zoya’s infinite grief. And of course her Suli heritage, which a great part of the fandom consistently wants to shadow what with the talk “white features/ part Ravkan” bs.

But there’s more. I hope RoW will show Zoya’s dilemma (that was alr hinted in KoS) she has with the power she holds, the responsibility she has with having that power + using it in the way that will not be detrimental to her and the country. It will be a great way to portray her self-awareness and doubt and insecurity. She is a good leader, that much is told in text but not shown. There’s character development from the end of R&R until KoS that makes her evolve from a what she was then to the capable and mature 22 year old she is in KoS.

Of course all of their capabilities will come to light in RoW but I think Zoya and the agency to her as a character will play an integral part. More so because Zoya is to be the conduit to reversing the current Grisha orders, which runs in parallel with the fact that she needs to go back, go back to the roots of her Grisha knowledge and roots of her i.e. her unending grief and trauma.

She will need to forgive herself while also dealing with the guilt and anger she may have caused due to her position and power. All of this while dealing with her own complex and contrasting emotions due to her own trauma.

Nikolai is held for treason.

The word of allying with The Darkling may be out and that is enough reason for the entire country to turn against him. The secret about the monster causes issues more than enough already, and this will plunge the country into deep political turmoil and threats to security. So RoW will be more politically driven. That said...

There’s no overt war.

By this I mean that there will not be war on the battlefield, both armies or more charging at each others’ enemies and such. Ravka cannot afford one either. The excerpts have already proved that. There will be skirmishes akin to a war scenario, but a complete battle like the last battle in R&R? Like a final battle? That’s not going to be there, I think… What I’m assuming might happen is that the Fjerda and Ravka will take a possible Cold War route, if it isn’t already the case they’re already dealing with atm.

Ravka’s monarchy will collapse.

It may become a democracy or any other form of public or majority vote. But the monarchy (as well a possible dictatorship, esp with the Darkling returned) will be eliminated. ...Or so I hope, since it has been alluded to in KoS.

But that poses many problems. With no one line for the throne, let alone with a crime so dark like a blot on Nikolai’s skill (of taking the Darkling’s help), it is possible that Ravka will shun it, right alongside being torn about it because Nikolai has been, for the best of his ability, a good King. All of this in line with the Resistance rising in West Ravka.

This ties in with the court matters, especially if I want to hold the further points I make true. The resolution to acquit Nikolai of his charges requires a testification forth a jury which will then make a decision about his motives and future.

Zoya as the Interim Head.

After all of this, Zoya’s point about Ravka not accepting a Grisha Queen will be true after all, because there will be no monarchy to welcome such an arrangement.

But Ravka will need a good and trustworthy leader despite Grisha powers and Zoya is the best person to take care of that. The comment “...becoming a steady leader...” and the “Welcome home, Commander,” were there in KoS for a reason (and this is what I think it will link to).

That being said, there’s more nuance to this than my summary. Zoya is a character of colour. That—in addition to the already existing threats, objections and possible question of capability in the position—ill play into how she will be able to discharge her responsibility. It’s not going to be convenient.

EDIT: taken from a reblog/addition to the og post:

A smoother/more structured transition

Once after the monarchy collapses and a leader must be chosen, it will not be Nikolai. Nor will it be Zoya, though she might serve as an interim head. What I assume might be possible is that someone older is chosen, someone older and loyal and with the proof of knowledge and service to the country. Possibly by majority vote or elected by a council.

Instead of the sudden change, this can be a smoother (if that can even be said about such a major political scenario change) or more structured. I also say this because a. if Nikolai is indeed charged (and later acquitted), firstly his political career will already hold a blot if the word about using the Darkling as a resource is out and secondly, he’s way too young to serve as the leader (by modern standards, sure, but like, the required age will be set while drafting the constitution? currently its 35+).

Instead, the current cast can become representatives (which Zoya would already be, (mostly the head of the) international committee that safeguards the Grisha all over the world) and the Triumvirate will be dissolved. (it should be, tbh)

And hey, b. after all of this, they can and kind of need to take a step back. Nikolai and Zoya will be able to truly explore their relationship, given how Nikolai mentions how he wouldn’t marry unless he’d have had the chance to court someone and marry someone he barely knows nor knows him. For Zoya’s part, she does know Nikolai but surely probably not the extent of openness that a healthy relationship has, and on Nikolai’s part, he admits he barely knows her beyond as a General except for just little things about her.

They could be able to realize and work on their feelings while alongside being involved with the workings of the country and the constitution.

“One day you will overstep and I will not be so forgiving.”

Need I say more? Something that Zoya does will cost her Nikolai’s goodwill and we know Zoya knows her practicality and the extent to which she will unapologetically move if there is threat to the country and its King. She will do what was right and required.

A major part of that line ties in with Magnus Opjer and I think with the confidence in the versatility of her powers, Zoya might as well move w/o any word to the Triumvirate to eliminate the most direct threat to the throne. This will bring splits in Nikolai and Zoya’s relationship.

How this tension between them will be resolved without compromising either of their values, without playing into fandom stereotypes and others must be carefully handled. All of this while showing the best of their dynamicity, practicality and priority as they carefully pull out just those weak sticks of the jenga without putting the whole country into trouble. And with a war in plain sight, they’d know better than pointlessly argue and would rather see how the two of them are wrong. This ordeal will bring out just how condensed power is in the current scenario, imo.

Importance on the way women have shaped history.

Something that KoS has already set precedence for. Zoya being a PoC, Nina taking into account of the sufferings of women she comes across and the consistent ‘Who will remember them?’ will be elaborated on further. As for how it is done and how well it is done, that remains to be seen.

Baghra is alive but maybe not thriving bc she’s stuck in the Ice Court.

They entered a chamber where an old woman sat with her hands chained, flanked by guards. Her eyes were vacant. As each prisoner approached, the woman gripped his or her wrist.

A human amplifier. [...] But the Fjerdans used them for a different purpose – to make sure no Grisha breached their walls without being identified.

Kaz watched Nina approach. He could see her trembling as she held out her arm. The woman clamped her fingers around Nina’s wrist. Her eyelids stuttered briefly. Then she dropped Nina’s hand and waved her along.

Had she known and not cared? Or had the paraffin they’d used to encase Nina’s forearms worked?

- Chapter 22. Kaz; Part 4: Trick to Falling, Six of Crows.

Nina will be the one to free her and together they might wage a war from Djerholm together.

This gets even more interesting because we know the anguish and scorn that Baghra feels for her son at the same time; she understands the wrongness that he used to seek and will continue to. Zoya does take Baghra’s name at the Fold when she mourns and rages over how people forget the destruction and most importantly, forget the women. Baghra could be the symbol of the stag as the art piece depicts, or will be shown with relation to the Darkling’s powers.

As for how she will play into the story, perhaps she will be the one to help reverse and find the roots of the orders, in the sense that changes the perception of the Grisha powers for the Grisha as well as the common folk of Ravka. She is the only other person other than Juris and the Darkling to have the age of eras together, knowing Ilya Morozova, and she will be instrumental in giving Ravka an advantage over Fjerda. Either that or she will help in scrubbing the prejudices of Fjerda slowly away with whatever powers she has left. Or both.

Alina will reappear, but will not contribute to the plot significantly.

Zoya understands that the truth she knows about the Darkling is very minimal not enough to end him for once and for all. It makes sense that she will probably consult Alina for it. So, Malina appearance, possibly at the orphanage. Alina will not directly contribute to this war, but she will play a critical role in defeating the Darkling.

Besides, Alina —and Baghra— are the only ones who know that there has only ever been two Darklings. Zoya did sense, multiple times during KoS, that the Darkling is damn old. Yuri mentions it. And while it is not outright specified, the fact that Zoya thinks that she realizes just how ancient Lizabetha is in context of meeting the Darkling is enough proof for her to seek more information about the age and the older skill of the Darkling.

And I think it goes without saying that I want to hope that the Darkling and Alina will not meet. Pls, she’s had enough.

Lada is the lost, other friend that Zoya refuses to bury.

“She saw her mentor die and her worst enemy resurrected, and she refuses to bury another friend.”

Liliyana is dead, we know. But there’s no other mention of Lada except for the “wondering what happened to the pug faced girl.” Lada is possibly a part of the group of women and a Grisha returning to Ravka from Fjerda, exploited by the parem. She might die being unable to withhold the sheer torment of the parem induction, which will devastate Zoya because Lada was also the closest she’s had to a family with Liliyana.

Either that or Lada is already dead or dies some other way, and Zoya cannot bring herself bear the grief of losing her.

Cameos: Inej and Jesper.

The most likely of the crows to appear in RoW are Inej and Jesper and they’ll play equally important roles in the plotline. Here’s a breakdown of why:

Inej

Inej has taken the responsibility of becoming a slave hunter, and it makes sense for Inej to make an appearance in the book, given that there’s going to be a ship taking the Grisha from Fjerda to Ravka.

The women aboard are vulnerable and require immediate attention, which Inej will immediately zero in on. She will have enough reason to suspect both Leoni and Adrik on the ship, especially when the jurda parem is still a secret. Leoni and Adrik cannot give that information away because they don’t trust Inej (and have no reason to either). Inej won’t trust them either, not until she understands that the reason why the women are being taken to Ravka and for what reasons.

Which gives her excellent reason to step in, try to analyze the situation and help the women accordingly.

Here’s an exciting thought though. Once after the entire misunderstanding is overcome and Inej understands (esp. if Nina is brought into the conversation and security and secrecy of the conversation is ensured), there may be discussion about how the Grisha might find a safer space in Ravka.

Inej’s appearance might also extend to playing a pivotal role in giving Zoya the confidence to seek her heritage and where she hails from, to embrace the part of her past and forgive herself and others for her mistakes.

ALSO,

Grisha finding a safer space in Ravka will mean that Inej can pitch Jesper’s case for him to Zoya. Being the highest authority who takes cares of the responsibilities of the Grisha, Zoya will be the best person to talk about this with.

And so, here comes Jesper.

Jesper

For one, I wish Jesper and Leoni interact, talk and just bond like the iconic siblings they would be. <3 But more than that, Jesper plays very integral to the plot for more reasons.

Jesper’s arc will parallel Zoya’s. Both of them are new to their powers in their own individual sense; Zoya is trying to use her new powers in a way that hasn’t been done before, thereby breaking the Grisha orders of powers and Jesper (assuming he has decided that he might want to learn and embrace his Grisha powers) is learning them afresh.

This journey of them trying to embrace, learn and relearn and reject older norms and experiment really work in tandem.

That will lead us to a further (plot) theories.

Ties with Novyi Zem

As of the KoS end, Ravka has no support from anyone atm. Sure the Kerch will provide funds but Ravka has no real allies. Here’s where Novyi Zem and Jesper come in.

We know Novyi Zem is a new country and also that it is the second safest country for the Grisha in the universe. As of KoS, their agreements are not renewed and they would be since between Kerch and Novyi Zem, Ravka was forced to pick Kerch. Yet Ravka needs their help in acquiring jurda for the antidote.

So here’s the deal: Ravka will get their jurda but at many conditions that the Novyi Zem will impose on Ravka to not let exploitation get in the way.

The conditions imposed could be (these are just some at the top of my head but I hope there are more to ensure the safety and security of the Zemeni, in Novyi Zem and in Ravka too) :

Naval support from Ravka

We know of the Zemeni ships and ofc Nikolai has been hard at work trying to develop plans to use the sea to its fullest advantage. While the news of the izmars’ya isn’t public, Zemeni can place a condition for technical aid from Ravka since Ravka does have the technical knowledge it can dispatch as a condition.

A Grisha School in Novyi Zem

Think about it. Ravka, despite being the safest place for the Grisha, still isn’t entirely safe. Not all Grisha become soldiers in Ravka, they have a choice to abstain but those who are training are still recruited a honed for purpose alike preparing for war, especially the teens and preteens from the time of the Civil War. The training does take a lot of time. Ravka intends to make a home first and then service, but at the moment, while the Grisha are provided safety, it’s not assured in the best sense. Both the facts about a home and service are in precarious positions atm.

TL;DR: Ravka isn’t entirely safe for Grisha therefore the Grisha themselves too are not + Ravka is war torn.

So what happens?

One of the conditions as the next best country that serves as home to the Grisha, Novyi Zem may put forth the prospect of building a Little Palace like institution for the Grisha in Novyi Zem. It sounds morally wrong in the sense that the Grisha there will also be trained for war, but the war will end and soon, the Grisha will not be subject to serve for something but engage in economic activities as anybody else with the progression of time.

All of this won’t happen immediately either; learning their powers, honing it in the way that is unocnventional from what it had been pre-RoW and that transition + the building of the establishment in Novyi Zem and laying foundation for the transnational panel or committee for Grisha that Zoya talks about will all take so much time.

A few Grisha representatives from Novyi Zem can learn at the Little Palace and by the time the construction of the institution is done in Novyi Zem, these Grisha, along with other willing Grisha who either want to return to the country they were born in (like Leoni) or are offered to teach in a different country can do so too.

There will be stricter terms so as to not ensure exploitation and possible colonization in these nations.

Zoya mentions in one of her chapters that eventually there will be a need for the a transnational panel or committee for Grisha. Jesper can Zoya can make it possible, adding in other countries to the panel slowly as the war recedes.

Kaz and Wylan?

Least likely to make an appearance, in my opinion. I think they’ll be mentioned plenty of times or brought up once and given great importance for how they can help in the side plot.

Shu Support:

This is more a hope than an actually theory dfbkdhjadfh but Makhi might have to step down from the throne because Ehri will take the place; either as a Queen (no...) or she might oversee the process of strengthening Shu Han and finding a leader (if she doesn’t want to become one herself).

Ehri is capable, more than capable despite the little we know of her from the last chapter in KoS. All I hope is for an understanding and friendship between Nikolai and Ehri (and the subsequent cancelling of the marriage duH) for this to happen. She has little interest in statecraft but with the time she might spend with Nikolai, she might change her views. Even if not then she still gets the happy ending she deserves with Mayu (which is canon at this point rly).

Emotional Development or Breakdowns

Okay but I really, really, really hope we get to see all the three protagonists lose their shit and deal with their trauma, seek help or trying to stop isolating themselves or anything else they do to cope? Nina, Zoya and Nikolai, all of them cry, all of them get to completely lose it, let themselves be human and healthily cope and learn to rely on the people they trust the most. Like the sheer power and potential to show the myriad of ways to deal with grief, sadness, stress and more and make use of the trio’s backgrounds to show healthy and diverse ways of helping themselves, by letting themselves and others help them is just *combusts* Incredible!

That being said, can I also ask for moments of fear and desolation from the side characters too? Impending war isn’t small business, it will take its toll on people, and all these reactions just cement their fears and what they value the most so. pls. Humanizing them rly.

The Saving Each Other

As much as I mostly kinda hate this trope, there are traces in the KoS that Zoya might be the one to end Nikolai’s affliction. On the other hand, there is talk of Nikolai helping Zoya control her powers which seems counterintuitive when you consider that Zoya knows that there is a line that she must never cross and that she is very, very careful about it and will continue to be.

They can instead be the ones who motivate each other in times of distress as they always do (as shown with how Nikolai tries to gain control over his monster during the burning thorn ritual in KoS, allowing himself the vulnerability but also knowing that giving up will be unforgivable to both himself and Zoya as well) but I seriously do not wish for each other to be the ones directly ending one another's misery. Or perhaps this is just a fear imo that Leigh wouldn’t even take the route of (in which case, thank fuck).

Stab Stab Stab

Zoya gets the chance to kill the Darkling with the rest of her friends. After all, Darkling does call them all his old friends. Just Julius Caeser him all the way and put a bow tie on the book. *chef’s kiss* Everybody deserves a second chance... at ending a tyrant when it fails the first time.

So far, this is it. Rule of Wolves is in less than a few weeks and im- asdfghjkl. not Ready. i’m more Worried than Ready.

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realcube · 3 years

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BNHA shopping headcanons pt.2

part 1 here! (momo x reader, todoroki x reader, iida x reader)

Uraraka x Reader

Bakugo x Reader

Kaminari x Reader

tw// cussing, irresponsible moeny-spending 😳

Ochako Uraraka

if you have ever watched mha you should know that Uraraka is canonically dirt poor

well maybe not dirt poor as from what i know, she isn’t homeless but..

it’d be a fair assumption that she is an extreme cheapskate

she really is that bitch at the cinema who deadass walks in lookin built like manatee from the neck down but her skinny face really doesn’t sell the act

and she smells like off-brand skittles and soda from a mile away but box office clerk pretends not to see shit because they are too underpaid to deal with an determined, skint bubble girl first thing in the morning

oh and did i mention she exclusively takes you to early bird specials for the huge discount

so, needless to say, when you want Uraraka to come see a movie with you in the afternoon, you have to pay for her ticket

now, with that in mind, why would she ever want to go shopping as a date? shopping!

the whole premise of ‘shopping’ is spending money - something she is very much against

so, obviously you thought it was a prank when she texted you to ask you on a date to the local mall

none the less, on the day you showed up - with a pocket knife in your purse, just in case - and to your pleasant surprise, Ochako was standing there outside your favourite jewellery shop with a cheesy grin on her face

“(Y/N)!” She called out, skipping up to you and throwing herself into your arms. “Guess what?!”

You giggled, delighted to see her so happy but confused as to why - as usually she gets upset when she is surrounded by so many expensive things. “What, bubbles?”

She pulled out from the hug to reach into her pocket, grab her hand-me-down wallet from her dad and unzip it to show you the many notes she had cramped inside there. “Look! Remember when I told you I couldn’t come on dates on weekends with you anymore because workloads at the UA were increasing? Well, truth is, I couldn’t see you because I’ve been holding down a secret job at a dessert place for the last few months - and look! I’m rich!”

You felt your cheeks heat up and your eyes become glossy for some reason, it just made you emotional seeing Uraraka so happy and excited, despite the fact you noticed that the money in the purse was definitely no more than ¥5500/£40/$53 - so either she had already started spending or she had been severely underpaid for 4 months of work.

“Ochako..” You croaked, sticking out your bottom lip and doing nothing to resist the tears that came rushing down your cheeks. “I’m so proud of you.”

Uraraka shook her head rapidly, “No!” She whined, shielding her eyes with her wallet, “Please don’t cry, (Y/N)! Then I’ll start crying too!”

You nodded, wiping away your tears with your thumb, “Okay, bubbles.” You mumbled, feeling the spark of emotion inside you die down, “So, where shall we go first?”

“Um..” Uraraka hummed in thought before pointing to your favourite jewellery shop which stood behind her, “There! I’m gonna buy you a necklace; to make up for last year when you got a me a really pretty bracelet for valentines’ day and all I could afford to get you was a candy necklace.” She mumbled the last part before taking your hand and dragging you into the shop.

She didn’t even spare a second so you weren’t able to explain to her how you actually really liked the candy necklace - it was delicious!

Also, while she shifted through all the pretty necklaces looking for one that would ‘compliment your gorgeous eyes’, you realised something - she definitely wasn’t built to be poor.

I mean, yeah, she is very stingy when it comes to shopping for herself

but when it came to buying you a necklace, she was ready to take a mortgage if it meant you’d be satisfied with your gift

or maybe you could call that reckless spending-]

Katsuki Bakugo

when y’all go on dates it’s usually to one of your houses or maybe an abandoned park or something

but because you said you had a way better aim than him - he challenged you to a game of laser tag! and since it was just you and him, he said you could consider it a date

however, when you both arrived at the laser tag arena, it was closed

neither of y’all checked the opening times on the website so how were you supposed to know that it was closed on Mondays?

after a long while of bickering between the two of you, y’all just decided to spend the rest of the day at the mall next door

and when i tell you bakugo should be on bargain fkn hunters

he is also very clueless when it comes to giving gifts so he takes this as an opportunity to figure out what you want for your birthday/valentine’s time

you show him a crop top you think is cute and he is like ‘i literally do not give a fuck’

he says he is just following you around the shop bc he doesn’t want you to get kidnapped

but in reality, you see him out of the corner of your eye typing in his notes app ‘black crop top’ as soon as you turn away to hang it back up on the rack

he refuses to shop for himself because ‘all the shit in these shops are ugly and overpriced’

as if that is a good enough excuse to hide the real reason why he won’t look for clothes in these shops; which is that he exclusively shops in Hot Topic and ASOS

he gets butterflies whenever you show him any article of clothing and say it’d look good on him, despite the fact his response it usually something along the lines of

‘fuck off, that shirt is so ugly! why would i want to wear that?!’ or

‘of course i’d look hot in that - its a fucking tank top! don’t be stupid, (Y/N).’

and mentally he does the same for you whenever he sees a cute shirt or a cool pair of shoes but he stays silent, wanting to keep up his ‘i don’t give a fuck’ façade.

in fact, the whole time y’all were shopping the only thing he recommended to you was a revealing piece of lingerie that a mannequin was displaying in the window of a Victoria’s Secret

“hey, that’d look good on you, (Y/N)!” he chuckled, pointing at the set from across the hall

you rolled your eyes, punching his shoulder without missing a beat, “Of course i’d look good in that - it’s fucking lingerie! don’t be stupid, bakugo.”

“HEY YOU CAN’T USE MY OWN LINE AGAINST ME!”

Denki Kaminari

y’all hang out at the mall quite a lot but mostly for the food court

by now y’all have probably eaten at every single chain in that bitch at least twice so obviously you go there quite a lot

after you eat, y’all stroll through the mall window-shopping since you probably spend all your money on food

however, after Kaminari’s birthday he was pretty loaded so he was finally able to walk around the mall and actually buy something other than food! crazy, i know.

you both were so hyped to buy shit - you forgot how to act

anyway, kaminari hadn’t decided what he was going to spend his ¥7000/£50/$66 on

‘clothes?’ you suggested

‘what’s wrong with my clothes?’ he replied defensively.

‘body spray?’

‘are you saying i stink?’

‘hair product?’

‘i have more than enough, heh.’

‘phone case?’

‘i have one..’

‘toiletries?’

‘that’s a funny word-WAIT!’ he yelled, shock running through his body as the ‘best idea of all ideas’ dawned on him. ‘wait here, (Y/N). I’ll be right back.’

with that Denki ran off, leaving you outside Sephora with no money

It took him a while to come back but once he did, a foolishly wide grin painted his features, “(Y/N)! Look!” He yelled, motioning to his huge white bag.

He opened it to show you what was inside, “A yellow blanket?” You asked, cocking your head to the side.

“Yes! It’s 5x5 feet because you said the blanket home that we cuddle in is too small.”

You blushed, rubbing the back of your neck, feeling kind of bad that Denki spent him birthday money to make you happy. “Oh, well, I didn’t mean that-”

“And feel it! It’s so fluffy and soft!”

You nodded, reaching down and stroking the blanket, “Oh my-”

“It feels like heaven!” he finished your sentence

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escxpiism · 3 years

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( olivia holt, 23, she/her ) * hey, i’m looking for the office of ALICE ADAMS. they’re the EMPLOYEE who’s known around the office as THE MASK if that helps ? not to be a gossip, but i’ve heard that they’re ADAPTABLE but JADED, is that true ? i also heard that they’re the one who CATFISHED DAVID HASSELHOFF. anyways, here’s the coffee they ordered.

hi y’all !! i’m may ( 21 // est // she/her ) and i am super super pumped to be here !! i’m also very much writing this against my better judgment ya girl’s running on four hours of sleep and has the option to sleep more but......... is not tired ?? so i do apologize if my mind is secretly tired and makes this intro,,,, even worse than it would be fahouedn. on with the show !! anyway anyway!! feel free to like this if u wld like 2 plot and i will hit u up!!

( also, for some vibes if you so choose to read, here’s the link to her playlist ! )

----------------------------------------------------

QUICK FACTS:

full name: alice audrey adams

date of birth: october 26th, 1997

*will not perfectly reflect the zodiac big three below because that’s.... math.

zodiac big three: scorpio sun, virgo moon, taurus rising

gender & pronouns: cis woman & she/her

sexual orientation: bisexual

education: ged, bachelor’s degree in film — pratt institute

enneagram: 4w3

mbti: enfp

temperament: sanguine-melancholic

label: the mask

various inspirations: “nutshell” - alice in chains, “santa monica” - everclear, “polly” - nirvana, “jennifer’s body” - hole, “creep” - stone temple pilots, kate wallis ( cruel summer - shhhh ), heather davis ( crazy ex-girlfriend ), satana hellstrom ( marvel comics ), bojack horseman - without the amount of problematic ego ( bojack horseman ), eddie huang ( fresh off the boat ), the great britney spears evolution ( temporarily stopping at circus era )

BACKSTORY:

triggers in order: toxic family dynamic, grooming (nothing super in-depth), kidnapping (? like it was ‘willing’ but no. see next trigger for why), toxic “relationship” (and 11yr age gap w/ a 16y/o we hate it), straight-up captivity, very brief mention of suicide + heroin (very!)

*would like to quickly preface that this isn’t just Dark for the sake of being r/im14andthisisdeep but that’s for a later time **(also! i have markers for where the grooming + Super Dark parts begin and end! -- also, the Super Dark part is all very public knowledge. had articles. media frenzy. first thing that comes up if you google her name) *** also. if u need it then a tl;dr is below this section hfkldsa

alice audrey adams was born to the type of family that names all of their children alliterative names ( however, they sadly didn’t get their own kardashian-style show )... alexis adams (working name, utp if taken as a wc)... alfie allison adams (working name, utp if taken as a wc)... born to anna adams and allen adams... we hate it here.

as u can see... all of the kids were basically named after allen... they all had ‘al’ names.... extremely confusing

plot-twist: THAT’S the darkest part

the adams were very concerned with public image. as a family in the upper echelon, they simply had to be! a narcissist father, a distant mother, put in competition with her siblings — there was no truly healthy dynamic in the household. but they looked good. they went to church every sunday, a ‘wwjd’ sticker on the back of her mother’s car. they did just enough activities and took just enough trips together to get the image across. they threw parties. they attended parties. they were the picture perfect american family — they even had two cats in the yard! life used to be so hard!

of course, in reality, this all left ms alice quite the lonely gal. but don’t worry! she didn’t turn to hedonism! lord no! instead, she turned to other people. a lot of friendships — couldn’t tell if they were real or #fortheclout — but at a point, did it matter?

grooming tw: it all came to a screeching halt when she met luke johnson, the son of their neighbors. he came back from california to georgia to visit family, care for his ailing father. oh, he was a good man! sure, he was ‘somewhat’ older than her — 27 when she was 16 — but he was such a good, handsome young man! and they were all still calling him young man, after all.

alice ‘began’ a torrid affair with luke after about a month into his visit. although she saw no immediate wrong in it, he insisted she keep it a secret ‘for the time being’ — which really just made it all the more exciting! he made all the storm clouds that hovered disappear.

one day, the levee broke for alice (still figuring out what exactly happened because i don’t wanna go too dark since this is already extremely dark, but trust that it had something to do with her parents and was just enough to push her over the edge). convinced luke was the only safe person, she turned to him. knowing their small community would catch on and essentially exile him, he took that opportunity to convince her to go back to santa monica with him where they could ‘start anew’ after his father’s death.

there are a few details i plan on adding regarding like. how legality playing into it. but i may just reserve those for an official bio lhakfsdfj

**BEGINNING OF SUPER DARK** for a while, there was the question of whether they should consider it a kidnapping or not. she went with him willingly, but she was still underage (and… you know, that age difference… the power dynamic... gross y’all). the adams insisted that it was (bc it basically was lbr) — primarily because it would make them look far better — but the community still questioned the logistics and legalities of it all… ugh. did the police really wanna deal with that? ugh.

in any case, on the other side of us america, autumn was nearing. alice would have the very occasional inquiry over how school would work (very occasional! don’t worry, luke!), over the logistics of her new life… and, after receiving multiple calls from various friends (in addition to her siblings) that sounded genuine, began wondering… if she’d made the right choice. questions about him.

when she began bringing up the idea of going back — at least for the school year!! — he would continuously remind her that she was not old enough to buy herself a plane ticket (and he was not about to do that). she also couldn’t rent a car yet (and he certainly wouldn’t let her take (one of) his car(s)!). but most importantly? he loved her. and she loved him. (what a creep!)

so, for a hot second, it seemed like she was stuck. damn legalities!! damn love!! you know, until she texted her older sister back with all of the problems that only being 16... and “in love”.... caused. her sister offered to fly down, buy her a plane ticket, and fly back with her.

when luke saw this (with all the unrestricted access to her phone he had so he could block, delete, and manipulate as he pleased), he confronted her. things went awry. she wound up in his budding wine cellar (which he soon emptied, of course… those merlots :( ….). he messaged back and, as her, said it was actually all good!! luke had figured out the logistics and she could call whenever she wanted!!

and those calls became frequent! because she would pick up when luke held it up to her! because she was pretty sure luke would kill her if she didn’t!

she wasn’t sure how long it was until she was officially Found. it took what was ruled a suicide by luke, a shot to the head and heroin in his system, to finally get any authority’s attention. all she knew was that she went to santa monica in mid june and she stopped seeing regular daylight by late july. so some time in august to some time in april… **END OF SUPER DARK + GROOMING**

she was returned to georgia shortly after and everything was different. from herself to her friends. but everything was also the same. from her room to her family. it was all… teasing. she began going to therapy, but she really sucked at it?? so she just let her therapist rely on various articles that covered the event. because it had been a media circus. good enough, amirite??

she didn’t have the will or patience to put on that peppy facade she’d had before, but there were still a few things she found a smidge of joy in. music (although her taste had… slightly altered and wow! it’d been almost a year since she’d picked up that bass!), videography… just those small things, you know??

for the first half of the ~ 2014 fall semester ~, she attempted actual school. really was not working out. with, for probably the first and only time, her parents’ approval and understanding, she dropped out and studied for a ged -- shorter and self-led -- instead.

she passed with a pretty decent grade... but it’s been argued that she really shouldn’t have gotten into pratt institute (she was at least realistic and didn’t apply to, like… cornell), but she did. national news helps.

while in the concrete jungle where dreams are made of, she learned of masters. she submitted an application as a joke — because her grades sucked!!!!! — but guess who got a job?? oh, she could pretend it was because her selected portfolio was actually genuinely good… but, man… we all know…

fun fact: my uncle applied to harvard as a joke. some twenty-five years later, we still haven’t heard back :\

she… continues to suck. like… she kinda wants the place to eventually burn down?? figuratively speaking (or is it…) but ya, for all the monopolizing she has seen turn people Evil?? but the hell can she do about it… just gotta make sure she keeps her in-house videographer job… maybe she can do something about it when she like… is capable. fuaihoelwdjkn

she sees an in-house therapist and i’d say ‘good for her,’ but it was mandated l m a o

doesn’t talk about herself all that much!! but that might not matter for some people, yk?? ugh journalism <3

y’all im so bad at ending intros.

TL;DR:

(consult above trigger list): bright kid in a super rich and toxic family because obviously. everything they did was just to look good <3 also they all had ‘a’ names which is the biggest tragedy of all :( ‘fell in love’ when she was 16ys/o with a 27y/o who was visiting to care for his father in his final days. had a torrid affair. creep. creep (luke) basically made her ‘fall in love.’ she thought creep was the only safe person at one point and creep was like ‘wanna go back 2 santa monica w me?’ and she was like ‘yes.’ and everyone was like ‘was this kidnapping... we cant tell....’ then he became even more possessive when she started questioning him and some logistics. when she finally found a way she could go back to georgia for a spell, he was like ‘no u can go in my wine cellar btw i will be taking all of the wine out.’ he kept her there from august to april and... only reason he didnt keep keeping her was bc he was Caught so. back to georgia where the devil went down. everything was Worse. even the things that were the same. but hey, the sob story that landed her in the news plenty of times got her into a college she shouldn’t have gotten into and gave her a leg-up in a joke application for a job at masters (in-house videographer). really bad at doing her work but like... fuck the man i guess??

PERSONALITY + HEADCANONS:

has no time for Fake Nice (which, as a born southerner, she’s really good at sniffing out!). has no time for arrogance. kind of makes her at odds with the nyc upper class...

on that note, still got a lil bit of some georgia twang

she lets herself indulge in various vices, but has left a previous hedonist status. weed and alcohol are still pretty common, but everything else is kept at arm’s length.

also, while on that topic, she Does Not drink wine. being trapped in a cellar... kinda makes u averse. like. literally despises it. will go on autopilot and make it KNOWN if offered wine.

also ALSO while on that topic, after looking it up and seeing she fits the new york city requirements, she has a medical marijuana card <3 the one good thing, if u ask her, to come out of therapy/psychiatry <3 will not show it off unless absolutely NECESSARY bc then it gets personal or <3 will lie about why and say it’s like for epilepsy or sumn unless ur rolfe but <3 she has it <3

at odds with herself. enjoys the company of others, definitely has a history of being an extrovert, but has become very selective with the company she keeps.

VERY private person! has had enough public standing!

...has occasionally used her story to advance her tho bc it’s her national newsworthy tragic story and she can exploit it if she wants <3

when good charlotte said “i don’t wanna be in love”?? she felt that. her last ‘relationship’ ruined that for her <3 save her <3

used to be really into pop! bc pop is fun! she loved some britney (i mean... she still does... how can u not!)! but. her taste has changed drastically. rarely listens to pop. has traded britney for like.... hole and the like.

her parents didn’t use this as the basis for her name but,, 2 me,,, she’s named alice for a reason <3 gotta luv alice in chains <3

y’all i found a youtube comment on a video called ‘nirvana - half the man i used to be’ (the song was, in fact, ‘creep’ by stone temple pilots) and it’s <3 her music taste <3 click here for it <3

the above said, dresses like she’s in seattle in the early 90s.

her rumor is true btw she DID catfish david hasselhoff and she will proudly tell u. it’s her best accomplishment.

completely stopped talking to her parents and got cut-off a while back ago so now she’s livin like the Prols

which is how a rich kid one of my profs once advised referred to his classmates.... hilarity ensues.

the above in mind, her parents say she’s testing the waters as a ‘normal person’ to save face. they can’t have anyone knowing their family isn’t perfect <3

she has a pet turtle whom she named “dr. turtle,” although he’s constantly referred to as “doc” or “the doc.” he has his own youtube channel and tiktok account.

she has a wall full of evidence that courtney love did not kill kurt cobain... it makes sense, believe me.

became a vegetarian...... partially because it was different from her original life and a way to control something, partially because this commercial made her feel SO BAD.

literally her default mode is stoned like... a totally sober alice is rarer than a nessie sighting

when she was 18, before she could ‘hold her liquor’ as well as she can now, she got a lil too drunk and now has a portrait tattoo of courtney love on her forearm. but it was done well at least!!

kind of ironic considering her career, but RARELY posts on any social media site except twitter. after the media circus in 2014 and All Eyes On Her, she’s just..... so tired...... of ppl seeing her face and being like ‘omg ur that wine cellar bitch!’

(drugs tw) has become more and more Addicted to playing around with fate. j chill on a ledge, talkin to some pals, but deciding it’s a good idea to swing her legs on the wrong side of ledge? totally! mixing a lot of alcohol with opioids which she is not accustomed to? DEF!! (end tw)

more to come!!

CONNECTION IDEAS:

i have two (2) queued up!! but while we wait for them to post, i’ll just… link them over here: 1, 2

muse u <3 the other half of her subplot from the main <3

her older sister!

her younger sibling!

some of the basics!! you know: close pal, roommate, drug buddies (but she gotta hit them up), fwb, ons, frenemies, enemy

ppl who recognize her from the 2014 luke johnson articles and have either brought it up or,,,,,,, act Awkward™

cld be fun 2 just have like. a jam bud. someone who plays any instrument and they j. jam sometimes.

ppl she sells. some of her medical marijuana to. bc yk what weed may be legal in nyc now but,,,, she’s still found a way to be broke she will accept anything. and also it just became legalized THIS YEAR so!!

i have a budding wc page @ https://escxpiism.tumblr.com/wcs (and when i say budding, i MEAN budding) so feel free 2 check it out!!

more to come!!

#masters.intro #alice | intro !#this took me like....... 2hrs 2 write so i do indeed think my mind is fooling me and actually lagging behind.

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whatsmylaneagain · 4 years

Text

Amethyst - Third Chapter

Pairing: Eggsy x Agent!Reader

Word count: 1960 (a big one!!! Yay!!!)

Warnings: swearing, Roxy mention (bc she deserved more), reader’s character being a rebellious lil shit, Eggsy being kinda dumb (oh well this is all kinda narrated by his point of view, there’s no way to not expect that, right?!)

Chapter synopsis: so, we know that the bomb had Eggsy’s name on it, but.... what the hell is actually happening?

A/N: GUYS IM BACK AND IM SORRY!!!! I’ve written (and revised) this more than six months ago, but I absolutely hated how I made Eggsy a dumb character, so I spent all this months putting this story aside to fix it later... but I love it so much and this week I watched Spies are Forever and oh well.... idk, its been too long, but I’m posting this anyway.

Amethyst masterlist

Eggsy didn’t expect to find another person other than Harry and Merlin at the Kingsman’s meeting room. And what he definitely didn’t expect was for the person to be a beautiful Chinese woman laughing and having a drink with Harry Hart. The young man felt like he was invading a private moment, and had the sudden urge to grab y/n by the arm to show her the new victorian-style sconces he chosen for the rebuilt hallway.

But before he could say anything, y/n had already tapped the doorpost, making their presence known. The middle-aged woman talking to Harry glanced at the two young agents, giving the girl a sly smile.

“I’m glad to know you didn’t punch Mr. Unwin on your way here, y/n” she said, as Eggsy went straight for his chair on Harry’s right side.

“I would’ve if you didn’t send me that text” The girl had moved to the woman’s side, backing up to the wall for support. She never made mention of pulling a chair.

“Well, y/n, I take as you already know Harry.” Said the woman, gesturing to the older man, who smiled sweetly. Yes, that’s right. Harry SMILED.

“Of course, The Great Harry Hart, the man of a thousand missions;” when Eggsy thought he couldn’t get more confused, y/n pulled this. “Everybody at the headquarters knows who you are.” And some - fucking – how, she sounded genuine, and not witty or arrogant as she appeared to be. Was that… admiration?

Seeing Eggsy’s confused expression, the older woman gave him a small smile, welcoming, but not too sweet; just like an agent is used to do.

“Galahad, I’m Yijun, or as my agents – or people who can’t bother to learn how to pronounce it - call me, Circe. I’m the head of Amethyst, the agency that y/n works for.”

Eggsy must have looked very confused, because Harry intervened, while pouring two more drinks, giving him one and sliding the other across the table, towards y/n.

“Yijun is an old friend, we met some weeks after she came from China. I was already a Kingsman, and was trying to bring her into the organization – just like I did with you – when she was recruited as an Amethyst trainee.”

“You knew?” Started Eggsy, a little bit of irritation shaping his words. After agent Whiskey, he knew better than not to trust Harry. But he couldn’t help the feeling of being a pawn. “Why did you let me go after her then?”

“I didn’t know the agent who saved you was y/n. All I knew was that she was an Amethyst, since the intervention was fast and clean.”

“-almost clean;” Yijun turned her chair to y/n, who was taking a sip out of her drink, still leant against the wall. “If Morgan’s work were perfect, you wouldn’t be able to find her.”

“Nobody’s perfect, but I try my best.” She shrugged. “’m still your best agent tho.”

“Please,” Merlin entered the room, an IPad in hands, ready to the briefing. “put the blame on me for being able to hack into almost anything, including London’s surveillance cameras. She did a wonderful job.”

Merlin stopped right in front of y/n, extending his hand for a handshake. She grabbed it immediately.

“Miss Le Fay. Hope our codenames won’t be a problem.”

“I don’t see why, Sir Merlin. The witch from who I borrowed my name could very easily have been Merlin’s apprentice.”

No awkward pressure thing, from what Eggsy could see. Why were his interactions with her so bloody awful? For god’s sake, y/n was joking with Merlin!

It took him a moment to remember what history the two were referring to: Morgan Le Fay was a witch in King Arthur’s story, from where Kingsman got their codenames. Depending on the version, she can be portrayed as Merlin’s enemy, responsible for the death of King Arthur or as a powerful good woman, that had healing powers and could shape shift. For an organization like Amethyst, Eggsy supposed the second option was the one they had in mind.

Merlin greeted Yijun with a respectful “ma’am” before selecting something on his device, the projection of a document showing up on the wall above y/n.

“The techs over Amethyst sent us their reports on missing people, and turns out the man who you two,” Merlin looked at Eggsy and y/n. “saw is Adrian Bell. Seven months ago, he apparently went on a trip to India, but his family didn’t hear about him after he left. He never showed up on the airport camera footage.”

“So... he planned to disappear?” Interfered Eggsy.

“Apparently, yes. But there’s a problem.” Merlin changed the projection, it now being a series of pictures, especially ones where Bell hugged his family tightly, his wife crying, and his kids glued to his leg. It looked like a reunion. “He doesn’t remember anything and woke up asking for his family. His last memory was being in a bar and passing out. He thinks that he was in an alcoholic coma.”

Eggsy was about to ask a lot of questions, but Merlin had started talking again, while taking two Kingsman’s RayBans out of his pocket, giving each woman a pair.

“I’ve made a partnership with the group of cooperative organizations led by Amethyst, also called D.E.A.R; Diamond, Emerald and Amethyst Relations -” Introduced Merlin, but Eggsy wasn’t really paying much attention to him.

Instead, he was observing y/n, who hesitantly spun the glasses in her hands, analysing it, differently from Yijun, who just put them on right away. Her mouth twitched on the side, and she started to bite her tongue, as if trying to distract and put herself together. Y/n put them on, but kept looking down for some seconds, before fixing her posture and raising her head, crossing her arms, still leant against the wall on one shoulder.

It was quite weird seeing y/n wearing the glasses. Even though she had noting that could possibly remind him of Roxy, Eggsy couldn’t stop the deja vu of his best friend. A sad smile adorned his lips. He missed her.

A Kingsman-style hologram of a young 16-year-old girl appeared sitting on one of the chairs, big extravagant round sunglasses framing her face along with bright pink streaks on her brown hair. Although she was a teenager (and dressed like one, in a jean jacket and a white tee that said “girl power” in red), she sat perfectly straight, very professionally.

“Good evening, gentlemen. I’m Tonks, Emerald’s tech and field agent. I just came back from an information gathering mission.” which, as a previous Emerald’s agent, y/n knew was just a fancy description for attending parties. Nothing too dangerous, especially for Emerald’s missions, that were more based in socialization and keeping an eye on people. Actually, y/n was impressed that Tonks had something substantial to report (especially to Kingsman) in a high school party. “A group of unmatchable individuals seems to be working together, all of them acting really uncharacteristic and very patronized. I detected the group spiking other teen’s drinks. I managed to intervene and get a sample of it. Agent Spellman also reported a strange movement, alike the one I observed, with a college group. We sent the samples to our biotechs, and the lab concluded it was a modified Mikey Pinn.” The girl grabbed her phone and sent something, the IPhone message sound reverberating through the room. “Now you have access to our outhouse cameras, Merlin.”

Merlin quickly changed the projection above y/n to eight squares of video that showed each teen in one small room, some asleep on the beds, some walking around nervously, and one passed out on the floor. Tonks started talking again.

“Spellman and I brought the group of high school and college students to our outhouse. Whatever drug they’re on soon will wear off, and then we’ll be able to analyse what happened to them.”

“Was that the first ever occurrence on your field, Tonks?” Asked Yijun, and then turned to the Kingsman’s, explaining; “Emerald agents that work on high schools usually only have to get in action to stop violence and abuse at their missions. Situations like what we’re dealing with right now is uncharacteristic.”

“No, Boss. Some students stopped going to classes suddenly, but we checked: they all were confirmed on exchange programs abroad. Apparently, they never went.”

Y/n wasn’t leant on the wall anymore. She’d walked to the table, bent over it, hands open, pressed on the cold wood, all her attention on Tonks. Tension.

“Who were the kids? High school and college. Why choose them?” She said.

Tonks flipped through her phone, messaging Merlin more documents - the ring once again filling the room - before answering.

“A rugby player, two perfect grade kids and a foreign student were the high school kids. Apparently, it’s a pattern: physically strong people and awarded students that stand out for their knowledge of exact sciences.”

“Have you tracked were they were drugged the first time?” Continued y/n.

“Not yet, but...”

“I did;” said Merlin, suddenly, typing on his IPad.

A new image showed up on the wall. The front of a bar that looked like it used to be fancy ten years ago. Now, the paint was coming off the walls, and the huge opaque black doors were rusted, chains and a big old padlock kept them closed. It had no name on the outside, only a broken light up waning crescent moon, just the inferior part working, shining in a weak yellow light.

Eggsy knew the place. Actually, every teen and young adult in London knew Moonz: the flat broke bar that let underage kids come in and drink. You didn’t even need a fake ID, they would pretend to not be able to do math and let kids in. In some months, it became domain of teens, turning into a considerably safe place for them to get drunk and party. Also, it was the cheapest place to get booze.

But the underage drinking caused a bigger problem; since it was illegal, the neighbourhood didn’t have a lot of cops because the owner kept them away. Consequently, Moonz’s location became a centre of violence, kidnapping, and other heavy crimes.

The young Galahad saw y/n turn to the projection in slow motion, the act of being casual being thrown out of the window. For Eggsy, she looked like a robot who got rebooted and installed a completely different system of command. When she spoke again, her voice was strong and deep.

“Tonks, do you know when it started?”

“It?” Asked Eggsy.

“The kidnappings.” Y/n answered. “The fact that they were drugging others looks like it was a kidnapping system. In this context, those kids were “recruiting” more teens.”

Tonks checked her phone.

“No, Morgan. We couldn’t track it. They apparently are the first ones to come back.”

“Shit.” Y/n paced around the room. “Boss, permission to do an observation and protection mission at Moonz.”

“Permission granted” nodded Yijun “take Galahad with you.”

“Yi, I don’t think the gentlemen can pass as a teenager.” Y/n had stopped walking. She looked straight into Eggsy’s eyes. “With all due respect...”

Yijun shook her head.

“You know there are other ways to get him inside undercover.”

Y/n ran her fingers through her hair, taking a deep breath. Eggsy could almost hear her thinking “Fuck. Fine.”.

“C’mon Galahad, we’ve got a job to do.”

Eggsy and Y/n were almost out of the room when Yijun called her agent again.

“Oh and Y/n.” The girl turned around. “Don’t engage. I’ll send Emerald agents to protect the kids, but you and Galahad can’t have your covers blown up. Do. Not. Engage. Do you understand?”

All Y/n did was nod slightly.

If you made it to here, thank you so much! I hope it was worth your time! Some feedback would be appreciated, I really wanted to see if you liked this (dumb) Eggsy I’m presenting.... If you don’t want to be in the taglist anymore, I totally understand! Just message me :)

Also!!!! Feel free to message me any questions about the fic and this chapter! I have some fun reasons for choosing those codenames and Diamond, Emerald and Amethyst as the names for the organization!

Amethyst taglist

@a-dorky-book-keeper @50shadesofuncomfortable @arizonacolleen @infinity-of-high-dreaming @toasty-fish @pink-smarties @mc225g @dadd-ilf @sueeatstheworld @katorgatorgalaxy @the-ink-and-salt-club @incorrect-mcdanno @xelizabethvalentinex @ahyestheandersons @thatdamnokie @wxxnks @awesomewees @ryedikkulus @discodeak @clacestan @y-dadd

(If you got the notification again, sorry! I had a problem with the taglist and had to do it again!

#kingsman #kingsman fanfic #kingsman eggsy #kingsman au #eggsy unwin #eggsy imagine #eggsy x reader #harry hart

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lotusik · 3 years

Text

How Hecate came to Vancouver Island. (June 7the 2020)

Image from Hecate Park & image of Hecate I made into a postcard.

I’ve grown up here on Vancouver Island. We moved here from Manitoba by the time I was 6 years old. It wasn’t til summer 2013 when I really became aware of the goddess Hecate (a story for another post!) and it was another few years before I clued into the connection between two local places I knew about, Hecate Park and Hecate Strait, with the goddess Hecate. I think the delay was due to the difference in pronunciation, the locales are pronounced Hek-et, and after hearing it my whole life, it just took me some time to connect the dots!

Hecate Island, image by Kira Hoffman

Since that time I have discovered there are 16 locales (as well as a fishing lodge and an inn) named Hecate on Vancouver Island and the surrounding areas! Obviously as a devotee of Hecate, I was thrilled to have this physical connection to a goddess associated with such faraway lands in history, and lands so different than the Pacific Northwest. But as so often happens, the actual story of how these places came to be named Hecate is neither terribly exciting, nor surprising really when the history of this island is looked at.

1903 Nootka House

Kwakwakaʼwakw children in Yuquot (Friendly Cove)

Vancouver Island historically, and presently, is home to the Kwakwakaʼwakw, Nuu-chah-nulth and Coast Salish peoples. In the 1800s the British came and began their colonization of these lands as if they did not already belong to others. While this post isn’t about the atrocities that happened here, I would be remiss not to mention them. The repercussions are still being felt to this day. I recall being really surprised when I learned that a large proportion of Canadians actually knew almost nothing about the attempted genocide. Though it is now finally starting to be talked about in schools, the information being shared is not entirely accurate and still quite problematic according to a young Kwakwakaʼwakw woman I spoke with, whom has recently finished with the school system. I am grateful to my grandparents (an amazing couple whom I have much more to write about in another post) that raised me to be respectful of the land and the original inhabitants, and for always having been aware of what happened in this place. It has led me to feel a strangely conflicted feeling about living here. Feeling both so at home with this island’s spirit, yet always feeling a deep longing for Europe, and being but a guest here. I feel the same conflict about being thrilled to have locations named Hecate here while knowing how those locations came to be named.

HMS Hecate aground in Neah Bay east of Cape Flattery between 15 and 21 August 1861

In 1860 Captain George Henry Richards first came to B.C. to do survey work on the H.M.S Plumper until she was decommissioned, he then continued the work aboard the H.M.S Hecate. And thus we see the origins of all these places being named Hecate. Captain Richards did survey work around Vancouver Island and the Sunshine Coast for two years. By all accounts he was a kind and fair man. Oftentimes he was called to break up disputes between the Indigenous people and whites, and he would invariably always call out the whites as being in the wrong. There are also stories of him giving treats and gifts to the Indigenous people and being generally very kind. I was personally very glad to read this. He also had some sweet mutton chops.

Captain George Henry Richards, Royal Navy, BC Archives

In naming places around coastal BC, apparently the indigenous names were kept as much as possible, but much that was not named already or if the indigenous name could not be used, then those places would be named. Many of the names given by Capt Richards were for his crew and even a favourite racehorse.

Here is the list I compiled of all the places named Hecate, on and around Vancouver Island, starting from the South and moving upward North Island and over to the Sunshine Coast.

Hecate Passage (E. of Chain Islets, W. of Plumper Passage)

Hecate Park (Cowichan Bay)

Hecate Street (Nanaimo)

Hecate Mountain (NE of junction of Uchucklesit Inlet and Alberni Inlet)

Hecate Bay (NW. of Meares Island, E. of Catface Range)

Hecate (abandoned locality NE side of Nootka Island)

Hecate Lake (N. end of Nootka Island, E. of Saltery Bay)

Hecate Channel (Between Zeballos and Tahsis Inlets)

Hecate 17 (East shore of Zeballos Arm of Esperanza Inlet)

Hecate Cove (N. side of Quatsino Sound, E. of Quatsino) [There is also the Hecate Cove Fishing Lodge]

Hecate Island (Just N of Calvert Island)

Hecate Strait (Between Haida Gwaii & mainland) [On Haida Gwaii there is the Hecate Inn]

Hecate Rock (shoal in Duncan Bay)

Hecate Rock (Goletan Channel, Mount Waddington)

Hecate Reefs (I’m assuming this refers to the reefs in Hecate Strait)

Hecate Place (street in Vancouver)

According to British Columbia Coast Names by John, T. Walbran, Hecate Strait, Bay, Passage, Channel, Cove, Island, Rock (there are two in two different places) and reefs were named directly by Capt Richards between 1861-1862. The other places will likely have been named directly from those named by Richards.

{With libraries & archives being closed due to Covid 19 I wasn't able to access some of the information I'd originally gathered when I started this article several years back. That said, I think it contains most, if not all of the relevant information.}

While I was doing this research I realized there are quite a lot of places all over the world named Hecate, She certainly has made her way around the globe!

And lastly, I recently was also made aware of someone local who at one time had a boat named Hecate (retired), which if I get permission I will share a photo here of the boat herself, or at the very least, the beautiful wood sign with the name that was on the boat. They named the ship actually due to the goddess, the family having had a long time interest in Greek mythology.

Resources and references:

The private journal of Captain G.H. Richards: the Vancouver Island survey (1860-1862) (The first part is here: http://ronsdalepress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Private-Journal.pdf ) Ronsdale Press 2012

British Columbia Place Names G. P. V. Akrigg, Helen B. Akrigg, UBC Press 1997

British Columbia Coast Names 1592-1906 by John Walbran, J.J. Douglas Ltd 1977-2003

BC Geographical Names https://apps.gov.bc.ca/pub/bcgnws/

The Coast of British Columbia: Including the Juan de Fuca Strait, Puget Sound, Vancouver and Queen Charlotte Islands, United States. Hydrographic Office, U.S. Government Printing Office, 1891 - British Columbia

Dictionary Of Canadian Biography http://www.biographi.ca/en/bio/richards_george_henry_12E.html

Cobble Hill Historical Society https://cobblehillhistory.org/vignettes/item/26-hms-hecate

https://www.thecanadianencyclopedia.ca/en/article/vancouver-island#:~:text=The%20Treaty%20of%20Washington%20(1846,of%20British%20Columbia%20in%201871

Image Citations:

Nootka (Nuu-cha-nulth) House, 1903, Meany, Edmond S. (1862-19350 IN Meany Album v.2, p. 26, Digital Collection: American Indians of the Pacific Northwest Images, Edmond Meany Collection no. 132, Negative Number: NA 1150

Nuu-chah-nulth children at Friendly Cove, 1930s Alamy Stock Photo/Contributor Matteo Omied, Image ID 2BD7Y77

HMS Hecate - Public Domain

Captain George Henry Richards, Royal Navy; HMS Hecate and HMS Plumper, BC Archives, A-02432

#vancouverisland #hecate #hekate #history #colonization #uncededland

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yume-fanfare · 4 years

Text

accidentally wrote another long text-message-format fanfiction, enjoy!

baby prince yuujirou, who had a strong rivalry with baby prince aizou one day suddenly disappears

aizou can't seem to find him anywhere and he's Annoyed because the grown ups keep ignoring him whenever he asks

until time and time passes and he eventually forgets about him

well, not really

he does remember that he used to constantly fight with another boy from their rivaling kingdom, but it's mostly a funny anecdote now

he grows up to be the romeo au dazzling prince charming

until one day he gets kidnapped

and his kidnapper... feels sort of familiar

blue eyes, black hair and "god, you're just as annoying as you used to be”

the kidnapper won't tell him who he is, though

which makes sense since he's a hostage after all

but aizou keeps trying to remember

until the day where aizou's family pays and stuff, where the kidnapper says "it was interesting seeing you again, aizou"

and then it clicks

he's someya yuujirou

aizou can barely believe it

he turns around to look at him

just in time to see his family's soldiers apprehend yuujirou

aizou is received back home with a lot of ken tears but he has one (1) priority in mind

going to talk with the new prisoner

"oh how the tables have turned >:)"

yuujirou looks at him annoyed

"but i intend to be a better host than you"

and then orders for yuujirou to be taken to a guest room, though still chained up and with a loyal family guard (minami) on the door

]the counselor, hiyori, asks him if he's lost his mind

aizou answers that no, he's the sanest he's ever been

yuujirou is amused

“this guy's dumb”

yuujirou does not flee only bc he wants to see where this is going

bc he's sure he could run out

he receives a few visits from aizou where he tries to get yuujirou to answer questions and yuujirou isn't helpful

until one night minami wakes aizou up because apparently yuujirou was screaming "WHY DIDN'T YOU CHECK ON HIM YOU FUCKING IDIOT???? I DON'T WANT HIM TO DIE???"

yuujirou had a nightmare

aizou tries to comfort him, even though yuujirou isn’t actually crying

and that's their first sort of regular conversation

aizou asks him if he wanted for him to call yuujirou's parents

yuujirou shakes his head

aizou accepts quietly and then yuujirou falls asleep

then ken arrives bc minami called him too and he has Questions

"aizou i already thought moving your kidnapper to a guest room was a bad idea but what the fuck are you doing"

aizou inhales deeply

"do you remember someya yuujirou?"

"NO WAY"

"SHHHHHHH he's sleeping!!!"

the next morning, ken explains to him that, indeed, someya yuujirou got kidnapped when they were like five

and now it seemed like he too had turned into a wanted criminal

that did not deter aizou at all

he was determined to befriend yuujirou again

so he brought breakfast to yuujirou's room

yuujirou smiled

aizou's heart went doki doki

okay maybe he didn't want to just befriend him but he wouldn't figure that out until later

so after the fateful meeting, aizou visits him much more

yuujirou is still quite closed off, though

aizou flirts relentlessly

and after a while, yuujirou starts to wonder to what extent does that go

so the first time he leaves the room (effortlessly), it's simply to walk to the rose garden

he guessed aizou must spend time there, because he brings yuujirou roses sometimes, and he was right

aizou is super confused

"wasn't minami guarding you???"

"yeah but what kind of wanted criminal would i be if i can't escape from a fancy castle guest room?"

"plus i was getting bored, is this where you get your flowers?"

aizou's need to be liked by yuujirou exceeds his common sense

"all of these are for you, my love"

yuujirou smirks

"gross"

so after that, not only aizou visits him but yuujirou randomly shows up where aizou is too

not that often, but every time he does, it surprises aizou greatly

because well, yuujirou is actively going to see him???

even if he still has the cold act going on, it doesn't change the fact that he made a move to approach aizou

which in turn makes aizou bolder with his flirting

until hiyori and ken pull him apart one day and tell him to get it together

yuujirou is, after all, a prisoner

so aizou has to decide while yuujirou might be getting better, they're getting nowhere

yuujirou is still chained up, aizou is pursuing him and they've been at it for months

so they tell aizou that whatever he does (letting yuujirou's parents know he's there, letting yuujirou free and out of the castle or whatever), he has to do now

aizou has no clue how to act

what would be better?

he wants to keep yuujirou around, but there's no guarantee he'll stay if aizou undoes his cuffs

then again, yuujirou could have left already

he's left his room several times, so what's holding him there?

aizou has a little spark of hope, and so that night he goes to yuujirou's room

when yuujirou sees aizou entering the room, he was expecting to be bothered

but then he saw aizou's expression was unusually serious

aizou sat beside him on the bed and held yuujirou's hands in his

they were still cuffed

"hey, yuujirou, we've known each other for years, right?"

yuujirou swallows the sarcastic "hardly" he would have answered had he not seen aizou's piercing and resolute stare

he nods

"well, you know what they say"

aizou draws a small smile

"if you love someone, set them free"

he opens yuujirou's handcuffs as yuujirou stares, mouth parted in surprise

the skin on yuujirou's wrists is slightly scarred and aizou caresses it carefully

"my love for you goes to this extent and more, yuujirou. you did not deserve anything that happened to you, nor did you deserve these scars"

yuujirou's eyes water and he allows himself to cry for the first time in years

and so they hug, and fall asleep

this time, aizou stays there

the next morning, the bed next to him is empty

maybe he should have expected it

he couldn't keep yuujirou next to him for that long, yuujirou didn't need him

so while aizou knew it was only logical, it didn't mean he wasn't going to mope dramatically and do absolutely nothing but mourn

at first ken, minami and hiyori were worried, then they got absolutely done with him

they understood he would be sad, but it wasn't just that

aizou Refused to tell them what had happened that night

until ken decided a talk was necessary

aizou accepted to tell him about it

and he really tried to keep a straight face, but he couldn't help breaking down

ken comforted him and wondered if aizou had allowed himself to properly cry about it in order to move on

but then, they heard a sound at the window

it opened to show a yuujirou who stared at him amazed

who runs to aizou and kisses him

yuujirou apologizes about leaving between tears and says that he needed to think

then, ken interrupts them and says "you better not make my little brother cry again because i can be more dangerous than you, bratty gangster"

"but i'll leave you two alone for now"

then, as soon as ken leaves, aizou kisses yuujirou again

they make out for a while until yuujirou starts crying again

it had been a while since anyone had treated him so gently

he explains to aizou what had happened to him in the time they spent separated

aizou kisses his tears away and they fall asleep together

then, since yuujirou has decided to stay, they spent some time reinserting him

giving him fancier clothes, making him eat at the noble dinner table again..

yuujirou is good at acting and he remembers how it works, so he catches up quickly

but they also move him to one of the bigger, more elegant rooms, and he just can't get used to it

the bed is too soft, the servants are too complacent and the room is too big

it feels fake, empty

he ends up sneaking into aizou's room more often than not

aizou doesn't seem to mind

"you know, yuujirou, picking locks isn't a very princely ability" aizou tells him smiling one morning

yuujirou, face buried in aizou's chest, answers "shut up, it's useful"

then, some time later aizou writes a letter to yuujirou's family to inform them that they're getting married and there's nothing they can do about it bc it's not like they've cared much about their son the past years

and they get married and happily ever after and all of that, the end

#lipxlip #lip x lip #someya yuujirou #shibasaki aizou #honeyworks #sorry abt the reupload i messed up the first time skldjfjdfhsldkfj #mar writes sometimes #hworks

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leggomylino · 4 years

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I saw someone else do one of these about a week ago, and it’s been on my mind to do one as well. It’s a very sweet gesture and I want to let all my mutuals know that not only do I see them and care about them, but I also really appreciate y’all as well! So without further ado, here’s my shoutout to each and every one of you! ->

@lovesickmark -> I’m pretty sure you’re like, the first person I really connected with on here? If not THE first then definitely one of the first. I know you’ve been going through a lot and I respect that; I’m cheering for you from the sidelines tho, just remember that! It’s been wonderful having you around so I hope you’re doing well and that you keep moving forward. <3

@jisungx2 -> JOSIIIIIIIE >A< My INFP sister. I’m sure things have been kind of annoying and rough for you too, what with the holidays here and having to work Black Friday and most the rest of the season (holy cow I salute you and I’m really glad you didn’t die. Ily man.) It makes me so happy when you leave cute asks in my box like “hope you have a great day!” or “[enter cute chain mail here]”. You’re just very cute 😞😞 and I really wish you all the best this holiday season! I hope you’re taking care of yourself and remembering to take breaks when you need it. Remember the storage room excuse. Ily bro man.

@iiasha -> We haven’t been talking for very long but like, omgosh I love talking to you oops. 😂😅 Idk sis, I guess because most of my mutuals are a bit younger than me it’s nice to have someone who’s the same age I can relate to? And also someone to guide me through the confusing but quite entertaining world of the Seventeen fandom 💍 (I’m on my laptop and I couldn’t find the giant diamond emoji don’t @ me). ALSO! YOUR WRITING!! IS SO GOOD!!! Ugh I STILL gotta get to that Jimin alt. ending 😫😓 But I’ve been very invested in working and my language studies as of late while procrastinating on my other works rip. ANYWAY! I APPRECIATE YOU!! LET’S TALK MORE!!! YEEHAW!!!!

@joully -> You and I are still going to take over the kpop industry with our band, right? Shoot, what was the name of it again?? 😂😂 I don’t remember RIP...anyway, we don’t talk hardly as much but, I still see a lot of your posts and think about you! You’re really talented and I’m totally jelly of your piano skills 🥺🥺 Like dang I wish I could play half as good sis. Also, I’d really like to visit Germany one day! My dad’s best friend lives there, they met while he was travelling Europe in the army. He said we may go there one day and if we do, or if I just have to make my own adventure, I’d love to meet at a coffee shop and say hello. <3 Please continue taking care of yourself and come talk to me sometime! If you don’t, I will!! Lol 💕

@minniewoos -> 😎😎 <- SEE I REMEMBERED ❤️ I really hope your anatomy final went well! I bet it did <3 And if you haven’t taken it yet, you’re going to do great, I know! ^^ We haven’t talked for long but, I enjoy talking to you a lot. It’s always nice and appreciated to have another stay to bond with and just chat about how dumb boys can be but wow they sure are cute while doing it. Sigh. Anywho, I’m looking forward to talking with you more, and if you ever get a chance, I’m excited about getting to maybe study Korean together! 천천히 해 💓

@kpoptrashx2 -> Luisa!!! We don’t really speak as often either 🤔 But I really appreciate that you’re always there to help me with my writing and give me pointers when I need it. Thank you so much for that! It’s truly very helpful because as a writer I have no idea how something is going to sound to others who have no idea what’s going on inside my head. ^^” Not only that but it’s a joy getting to chat with you as well. 💓 I hope you’re doing well and that we’ll get to catch up soon!

@hanniesunshine -> Omgosh sis I cannot wait for your story to come out! You know the one I’m talking about so I won’t accidentally spoil anything lol. But anyway! I hope you’re well and that you’re doing alright. We haven’t talked for very long but I had so much fun talking about your story with you, and I’m looking forward to chatting about even more stuff! 🥰

@bopping-to-my-kpop -> Sis you betta talk to me more or imma come after you 😤😤 Don’t test me I’ll dang sure hold another court case if I have to! And it’ll be totally rigged because I’ll be in charge of everything! The judge? It’s me. The jury? Also me~ Any outside opinions? I have influence in all of them! 💞 ...Nevertheless, I really hope that you’re well, and please know that you can come to me for anything :c Even if it’s just to take your mind off of something negative and you need a laugh. I’ll see what ridiculous shenanigans I can cook up for you, okay? You’re never a burden, I love helping people (esp. people I care about!) so please stop by anytime!! #westanemmainthishouse 🥀

@xxsanshinexx -> I haven’t talked to you in forever but I really hope you’re doing well! I haven’t seen many posts from you recently :(( Idk if you’re just busy or if I’m blind, but if you ever get a chance I’d love to catch up! Whatever you got going on please keep doing your best and remember to take your time as well. <3

@spuds-potato -> 🌟🌟🌟 B)) What’s poppin little sis? I hope you’re doing well as well, and I’m still waiting for my story 😤😤 Remember if Celi dies she’s dragging her bf down with her okay?! Okay. Some Romeo and Juliet action going on 😂😂 Aaaaaaanywho, I’ll have to pop in soon on Insta and you can tell me about your day! Remember boys are dumb and drink plenty of water~ 💗💗

@chanscoffee -> I know you’re super busy but I totally miss talking to you 😭😭 and I hope you’re well. I rarely use Snap but I need to hop on there sometime and maybe we can chat! Or on Insta. Idk we’ll see. Whatever you have going on just know I’m still supporting you and I’m here if ever you need someone. 💖

@daydream-jwoo -> Okay I’m telling you now imma be texting you soon! Seriously sis how have you been?! We have so much to catch up on! 😩😩 The holidays have managed to be both crazy and slow at the same time some how? Like time has been completely nonexistent and a total paradox lately. 🗿🗿 It’s wild. Anyway imma keep this one short bc it’s been so long and I’ll text you soon!! 💝💝

@thevampywarlock -> Give me a minute.........okay. *deep breath* AAAAH I THINK YOU’RE REALLY CUTE!?!?! ...Aaaaaanyway uwu” The stories you write are so cute and just, small wholesome things that you manage to extend and expand upon? Does that make sense? I really admire that. It’s like subtle but I definitely see it and eventually I’m going to come around to going on a reblogging spree \o7o/ But until then I hope you’ll consider stopping by and talking with me more? You’re a wonderful author and I think you have a kind heart. ^^ <3

@jisungsjheekies -> Oh sis. We gotta chat more too! Your stories are also very cute and well written and idk why but, I feel very compelled to support both you and @backhugsforhyunjin and whole squad. It’s very strange and I don’t mean to alarm anyone 😂😅 I just...can’t really explain it other than I feel like y’all are good people and I’d love to get to know you better. Anyway I’ll cut this short to avoid making anything unnecessarily weird, but, I’d really love to talk with you more! And I def support and appreciate you!!

@backhugsforhyunjin -> Sis you too, we def gotta chat more 😤 If you ever need anyone to talk to, I understand we aren’t close at all but I’m available to listen or give advice if you need it? 😅 Also, you’re a wonderful author as well. I really wish the best for you and hope to hear from you more in the future. If anything, please remember to take your time and know that there are people cheering for you! You got this, whatever it may be!!

@gaiyofanfiction -> Asdfghjkl now that we’re buds ofc I had to make you a part of this too 🤪🥳 I think we could use a team name, what do you think about #TurkeyDragons? Bc the NCT float?? 😂😂 I like it honestly...but if you hate it lmk lmao. I hope we get to talk more soon and I’m really looking forward to an update of Twisted Karnival! One of the greatest fanfics I’ve ever read on here 😞✊ Of course with the Holiday season here updating isn’t super important, y’all pls take care of yourselves first and I hope you have a wonderful holiday season! (p.s. if anyone else is reading I wish this for y’all as well!) ❤️🎄

~~~

. . . That was a lot. If I’ve forgotten anyone I sincerely apologize and I love and appreciate you as well! Please don’t be mad at me 😩😩 At the end of the day I really do love and appreciate all my followers and mutuals, y’all are all fantastic and I’m always rooting and cheering for you like the Mom in every Pokemon rpg ;-;-;-; Keep going and become the Pokemon Champion okay? And I mean really go kick Gary’s ass, because he’s an ass and needs his ass whooped after all the crap he puts you through in Red/Green. I can’t wait for a reboot to come up on Switch so I can kick his butt all over again 😤🤭🥴 Anyway x9,000, thanks for coming to my Appreciation Ted Talks and I sincerely hope you all have a wonderful day and rest of 2019, as well as a happy New Year and an amazing 2020! ...Dear son of a biscuit it’s gonna be 2020. Wow. Letting that sink in. Where’s the rewind button? Actually I’m not sure if I wanna go back maybe it’s best if we bury this year for the most part and start over 👀💧

OKAY THAT BEING SAID EVERYONE GO OUT AND TAKE DOWN GARY!!! ILY ALL WOO 화이팅!! LET’S GET THIS 2020 BREAD after a cup of eggnog and some holiday celebrations uwu Peace out and again I love y’all! 💝

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jawnjendes · 5 years

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don’t want your hand this time | shawn mendes

chapter 1/?, university au, shawn x goth oc

AN: i know i know i posted a thing yesterday but UUUHHHHH im just tryna get to the saucy parts of this bc SOMEBODY decided to be all hot n sexy in a certain music video ANYWAY this is just an intro chapter of sorts and we are introducing some new characters!! lmk your thoughts thots!

***let me know if u wanna be added/removed from the taglist

masterlist | playlist coming soon

When Annalise Flores has shit to do within a time limit, she forgets about everything else. Her phone goes on silent, she ignores her other obligations, and she makes sure to get whatever is in her focus done. This has proven to be disastrous in the past, like when Annalise just needed to clean the entire dorm before starting any homework assignment was due the next day. Or when she reorganized the filing closet at the dealership before adding up the gas receipts she was ordered to do. You get the idea.

Annalise was very determined to get all of her unopened boxes, and her clothes to fit in her tiny, beat up car so she didn't have to make multiple trips, given how far campus is from Shawn's apartment. He promised he would help her move when he got home, he had that huge Jeep after all, but Annalise was way too antsy. Besides, they already fought about this, and she didn't want to start anything all over again. She didn't want him to feel obligated to help if only one of them was into the idea of her moving out.

After pushing on the car door three times, it finally clicked shut. Annalise successfully managed to stuff all of her clothes and half her boxes into the backseat. The rest of the boxes were in the trunk. The windows were all covered, so maybe she wouldn't be able to see her blind spots, but at least Annalise wouldn't have to make a second trip. She silently thanked the Tetris gods for blessing her with the appropriate skills as she went back up to the apartment.

Shawn's living space didn't look that different with all of Annalise's belongings out. Most of it was all stashed into the "recording" room over the summer, and neither of them spent any time in there. There was more space in the closet now, too. It was no longer just a black abyss, and all of Shawn's belongings were now undisturbed. Annalise debated smuggling out his black Nike hoodie, but given the circumstances it was best to leave everything as it was. The apartment didn't look any different really, but Annalise still felt an ache from her throat down to the bottom of her feet as she removed the spare key from her chain and left it on the glass dining table. This was easier than saying goodbye to him in person.

Campus was nowhere near as quiet and lonely as the apartment. Students were running around like headless chickens, trying to locate buildings, schedules, and friends. She already had a key to her dorm, so she parked near her building and carried her backpack and two boxes up the walkway. Annalise's resting bitch face and the clunk of her boots on the ground gave her less of a struggle to push past other students. Weak and fragile as she was these last couple of months, she's still got it.

The dorm building wasn't too far from the last one she lived in, but it was going to be a bitch getting to her classes. Maybe she should invest in a bike… or she should get her shit together and take the bus.

Annalise's new dorm was on the third floor, and it was furnished. Weird, yes, but she was not going to complain. It was a bit smaller, but not cramped. There was a tiny hallway between the two bedrooms, and one cramped bathroom. She noticed one room already had boxes sitting on the floor, and she couldn't help but get just a little excited. Stella hadn't completely abandoned her. Annalise wasn't even mad about their three month long silence, she was just happy that she would be seeing a familiar face.

She didn't run into Stella at all during the multiple trips she took bringing all her stuff in. Annalise knew she was here, though. Her perfume scent was always left behind in any room she had been in, and Annalise definitely caught the scent in the dorm. The same amount of boxes were still in her room by the time Annalise finished bringing all of her's in. She figured she could have texted Stella, but she kind of wanted to surprise her… even though they both knew about the other.

She checked her phone anyway. The only text she had was from Shawn.

"How come you didn't wait for me?"

Pursing her lips and smudging the signature black lipstick, Annalise cleared the notification and went to sit in the armchair in the living room. She was way too tired to try to reason with him. She certainly couldn’t jump into the "I miss you" crap so quickly either. She didn't want to, but Shawn obviously did when he sent another text. Out of sheer habit, Annalise opened the notification instead of clearing it, and she cursed under her breath.

"You've been gone only a few hours and this place already feels so sad and empty. Why did you leave your key?"

Yeah, she left him on read. She didn't know what else to say to him.

Thankfully, the lock on the door jiggled and in came Stella carrying a large cardboard box. She gasped and her hazel eyes lit up when she saw her dark natured roommate. She quickly squatted down and set the box on the floor before coming at Annalise with open arms.

"Mi esposa hermosa!"

Annalise will never say this out loud, but Stella gives wonderful hugs. They two girls haven't seen each other in over three months, so getting a nice tight hug was something that was really needed. They rocked from side to side, giggling at the motions. It was like nothing had really changed.

"When did I become your wife?" Annalise asked, amused as she leaned back to look at her.

"When we decided to live together for the third year in a row!" Stella replied. “Oh you got a little…” Her thumb rubbed under Annalise’s lip, showing her the black.

“The struggles of being goth,” she joked.

Stella giggled, and then the rambling began. "How are you? I'm so sorry we didn't talk much over the summer. Did you stay with Shawn the whole summer? Oh, is he here?" She bounced on her feet, looking around the dorm.

"Uh yeah, I did stay with him the entire time," she told her. "And no, he's not here. He's working."

Annalise knew he wasn't. He had found her abandoned key, which meant he was home. And he was probably sulking. And he was going to sleep alone...

"But he'll be here later, right?" Stella asked, nudging her arm. "Y'all are gonna christen your room, eh?"

She really had to ask, didn't she? She really had to jokingly ask a question that would change the expression on Annalise's face, thus warning her of the things that had happened. She wasn't sure why she kept an obviously fake smile on her face as she silently stared at her roommate. The silence alone wasn't enough, apparently.

Normally, Stella would dramatically gasp, sit her down, and ask Annalise to spill every detail. Instead, she sighed.

"Fill me in while you help me bring my stuff up."

Classes and club meetings resumed within the next couple of days, so it gave Annalise plenty of excuses to keep her texts to Shawn dismissive and short. She knew he was coming and going from campus for class too, but due to their different majors, he was going to be very far away from her. Not to mention, he didn't know where her new dorm was located, so it wasn't like he could track her down.

Except… Annalise had to retake biology. She knew Shawn was at the science building quite often, and she had hoped her bio lab fell on a day that he was at the fine arts building. But you know, life just happens, and sometimes you see your mans between classes. Sometimes you just see him leaving classroom, towering over the other students because he’s a giant. Maybe you’ll see him with a very short girl at his side, and they’re both laughing at something. Maybe he won’t see you either because he’s balls deep in banter with this random girl.

There was a lump in Annalise’s stomach following that minor event, and it made her anxious and uneasy for the first day of that class. Still, she was determined to stay on board with the separation they both agreed on. It was better that way for now. She didn't know about Shawn, but Annalise fully intended on keeping the distance, suspicious-looking friends be damned.

Anyway, she could find friends of her own too. Gaming club meetings started up again that Friday, and it was something to look forward to. After god knows how long, Annalise attended said meeting after receiving an email from the head of the club, Josh. He and his friend, Paul, ran the club most of the time. They managed to get plenty of people to sign up during the rush earlier in the week but only seven of them actually attended the first meeting. Just like every year.

Both Josh and Paul were scrawny blond boys with "nice guy" complexes. They were polite for the most part, given that they inducted Annalise into the club the moment she signed up. But they also quizzed her on just about every popular, mainstream video game there was once they realized she would actually be showing up to the meetings. It took time, and a bit of Annalise telling them off, but they were civil towards each other now.

"Annalise!" called Chad as the lady herself entered the classroom in the communications building. He was another member, and he had his two frat bros with him, Kyle and Jared, and they both chanted her name in their deep, manly voices.

All different heights, but same amount of insane muscle. For lack of better words, these guys were meatheads with good intentions. Chad was a student with one of the highest GPA on campus, practically competing with Josh. Kyle was the star student in his major, sports medicine. Jared was that guy who beat up bigots as a hobby. All three of them were fully dedicated to their fraternity, Sigma Chi.

Then there was Patrick, who nodded to Annalise as a greeting. She nodded back and took the empty seat next to him in the circle.

The people who think Annalise Flores is a complete hardcore goth have not met Patrick Markowski. This was a guy who was always decked out in leather, ripped jeans, and black eyeliner. He had a proper faux hawk, which is what made people notice him the most. He typically surrounded himself with other goths, unlike Annalise. He was truly dedicated to the lifestyle, while she deviated from even that sometimes. This was the only guy in the club Annalise was actually friends with.

Anyway, all seven of these nerds shared the same appreciation for video games, which brought them all together in a circle, in an empty classroom, in the communications building this evening. However, Annalise's entrance caused the guys to deviate from the main topic.

Josh and Paul had been staring at her with their mouths open the second she entered the room. The Frats were visibly excited and each gave her a high five. Patrick merely stayed quiet and smiled.

"Heard you almost fucking died!" Chad told her. "And you didn't tell a single one of us!"

"I thought you had actually died," Josh spoke up. "Since you never miss a meeting and all."

So that got around. Cool.

“I wasn’t dying,” Annalise said, rolling her eyes. “I just had part of my colon surgically removed.”

“No way…” Jared said in wonder.

“Oh, that’s disgusting,” said Paul with a gag. He brought the collar of his red Pizza Planet shirt over his mouth.

The Frats stared at Annalise in awe, almost impressed by her vague explanation. She really didn’t understand the fascination, given everything that happened during and after the hospital. Of course, they knew nothing about any of that. At the same time, Annalise was annoyed at Paul’s dramatic reaction, so she kept talking.

“It might happen to you too if you don’t take care of yourself and listen to your body,” she told him. “Or worse, you could end up with a bag of your poop attached to your belly.”

Paul gagged again, much louder this time. Then Annalise decided that that was enough and directed the conversation to the club’s main topic: video games.

“So who’s played Team Sonic Racing?”

It was only the first meeting, so the group made a plan to bring their Switches and play next time. The Nice Guys prompted to play a round of Fortnite online later, but Annalise was not up for that game in the slightest. Too mainstream. Too chaotic. She never could get into it.

“Well, we can play without you,” Paul suggested, “not everyone has to join in.”

“Isn’t that a rule, though?” Patrick asked pointedly. “If we’re gonna play something together, we all have to agree on one game. Besides, I don’t play Fortnite either.”

Paul's eyes darted around, trying to look for a counterargument, but he sighed. “Fine. Anyone else got any suggestions?”

“What about a D&D campaign?” Annalise said. “Or some type of board game?”

Josh scoffed. “It’s video game club. Besides, me and Paul already have a campaign with our other friends.”

“‘Course you do,” she mumbled, folding her arms.

“Ooo! I got an idea!” Kyle spoke up, raising his massive hand. “We should hit up Bart. That bar with the art and retro games?”

Annalise perked up. Finally, someone with a brain cell. “I participated in a Smash Bros tournament there. It’s really fun, we should all go one weekend.”

“A bar?” Josh said in distaste.

“Yeah! It’ll be a class field trip or something!” Chad agreed. “It’s awesome, bro! They got a Gamecube and an N64! Sometimes they do karaoke night, but only with songs from different games!”

Then, Kyle looked at Annalise with a smirk. “Bet your boyfriend would perform there, eh?”

Even when she was far away from him, Shawn still had a presence wherever she went. “Heh, maybe…”

Luckily, none of these guys were the type to hover. The subject went back to going to Bart one weekend, and then the group chat was revived to discuss further adventures. Once the meeting was adjourned, Patrick followed me out the door.

“So, Annie. No offense or anything,” he said, walking in step beside her as they walked down the corridor, “but what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“My summer was great, thanks,” Annalise said, too busy glancing at her phone to cringe at that awful nickname. No new messages for once.

“Nah, seriously. You were in the fucking hospital, and I find out through Snapchat?” he asked seriously. “Did you even tell anybody? What the hell happened?”

She didn’t remember posting anything about her hospital stay anywhere on social media. However, the only two people who were there with her were social media freaks. Stella was the type to tweet every single one of her brain farts, and frequently Snap where she was every second. Shawn was less active on his platforms, but he was still quite popular in the Toronto area, so he had a sizeable following. Annalise knew he took a picture of his hand holding hers while she was in the hospital at least once. Maybe it made it to his Instagram story a couple of times.

Sighing, Annalise gave Patrick the gist of her exciting adventure with her large intestine. Some underlying guilt wanted to be felt as she recalled staying and Shawn’s for so long, but she decided to spare those details.

“Looked death in the face, eh?” he said, nodding in what looked like approval. “Badass.”

She chuckled. “Guess I wasn’t ready to be yeeted off this mortal coil.”

“Ugh, you use the word yeet? How much has that guy changed you?” Patrick stuck his tongue out at her, flashing the piercing he had on the muscle.

“Hey, I’m more down with the kids than he is.”

The pair were quiet as they made it out to the courtyard. The night was chilly and cloudy, the only light coming from the lampposts on either side of the walkway. It felt different knowing Annalise was with only a friend rather than her mans, and she tried to ignore the ache in her chest and the urge to talk about him.

“Do you remember what it was like?” Patrick asked after a minute. “Being so close to death?”

“Nope,” she replied simply. “Although, when I was under, I had a really vivid dream that my… uh, Shawn cheated on me.” Way to not talk about him.

“You sure it was a dream?”

They were passing by one of the picnic tables, where Patrick pointed to. There was a group of people standing around the table, and two people sitting on top of it. One of those people was Shawn with his acoustic guitar. He was singing with the girl who was sitting next to him, the same one he was walking with at the science building. It wouldn’t have seemed weird if Patrick hadn’t said what he said. It would have been left alone if Annalise hadn’t thought about that stupid fever dream.

“Come on,” she said to Patrick as she stalked off towards the group.

“I was joking!” he said with a laugh.

Still, Annalise walked with a purpose and he followed her. She clutched the strap of her shoulder bag and kept her chin up as she made herself apart of the tiny audience. It was quite the sight, two nerds decked out in all black and heavy eyeliner amongst a group of normals watching two other normals sing a pop song. No lie, Annalise just wanted to get a look at this girl she had never seen before.

Olive skin. Black, curly hair. Very short next to her guy. Very pretty voice coming out of very pretty lips. She looked at Shawn and he looked back at her as they sang an eerily familiar song. Musically speaking, they seemed good together.

“I’ll leave you with the memory, and the aftertaste…”

The tiny audience clapped. Patrick was nodding in pleasant surprise, probably having never heard Shawn’s songs before. Annalise applauded as well, but she couldn’t help the narrowing of her eyes as she watched Shawn and this girl high five each other.

They were both comfortable with all the attention, it was easy to see. Shawn was beaming in a way that hadn’t been seen in a long time, and then he laid eyes on Annalise. He still had that smile on his face, even though it faltered a little bit. She kept her face neutral and quirked her eyebrows at him as a silent greeting.

“Should I leave you guys alone?” asked Patrick as he and Annalise watched Shawn get down from the table top.

“No,” she replied simply.

She almost regretted having him stay. He had to witness Shawn and Annalise attempt to figure out how to greet each other. A side hug would have been awkward for reasons not only having to do with the guitar strapped to his shoulder. She definitely couldn’t kiss him, because that would have started something she had been trying to distance herself from. They finally settled for a mildly uncomfortable handshake, and Shawn kept holding her hand as he spoke.

It had been almost a week since Ann moved out, and she only sent him one text in that time span. It was the black heart emoji. Better than nothing, but not better than seeing her in person.

“You haven’t answered my texts,” Shawn told her. If she was going to decide when she'll give him attention, then he wasn't going to beat around the bush when he saw her.

“I’ve been busy,” Ann replied, feebly attempting to shake her hand away.

Shawn nodded, but he wasn't thoroughly convinced. Between work and school, Ann was a hermit. Or so he thought, given that she now had this new goth dude at her side. “So, who’s your friend?”

“Who’s yours?” she quickly said back.

“I’m Patrick!” said Patrick, holding out his hand. “Annie and I go way back!”

Shawn let go of her hand to shake his. “Nice to meet you, brother. Wait… Annie?” He chuckled.

Her cheeks heated up, and she decided to move her eyes somewhere else, specifically on Shawn’s unnamed singing partner. She was chatting with some of the other people still around the table. Annalise noticed she talked with her hands a lot.

“She lets me call her that even though she hates it,” Patrick said, snapping her back into the moment. “Right, Annie?”

“Do not,” she warned. Then she looked at Shawn. “So who’s the chick you’re singing with?”

Shawn took in an almost reluctant deep breath as he turned and called the girl over. If there was anything he had yet to discover, it had to be if his girl was the jealous type.

Annalise's dark brown eyes narrowed once again while he wasn’t looking. Call it anxiety or paranoia, but she was oddly suspicious. Patrick caught the glare though, and he nudged her arm to snap her out of it.

“Ann, Patrick, this is Alessia,” Shawn said when the very short girl joined them. “She’s a first year. Alessia, this is my…” He elongated the vowel. “Annalise. And her friend Patrick.”

Okay, so… a sinking feeling in the tummy. That’s what that felt like. Couldn’t be mad, though. Annalise wasn’t so quick to use the boyfriend word these days.

“You’re Annalise!” Alessia said in pleasant surprise. She did not hesitate to hug her, arms going around her shoulders and practically pulling her down to her level. “It’s so nice to meet you! I’ve heard so much about you!”

Honestly, Annalise was just glad she didn’t call her the goth girlfriend. Or the goth anything, for that matter. She didn’t hug Patrick, though, but he didn’t seem to mind.

“So, how did you two meet?” Annalise prompted. So maybe she was a little more than curious to know how and when Shawn found the time to get another girl at his side.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Shawn replied a little too quickly.

His eyes bored into hers, throwing them into a staredown. He broke through the fake, polite smile Ann had on. Of course he broke it. He was the only one who could. However, Shawn couldn't read the expression she had on. He couldn't tell if she was upset or not, happy or not… He couldn't tell if she wanted to change her mind about this separation or not… Ten months together and Ann was still a mystery.

“Uh, Shawn and I have like, every class together,” Alessia said slowly, looking between the couple, noticing the sudden change in atmosphere. She scratched the back of her head.

“Annie and I have been in the same club for two years,” Patrick added in the same tone. He too noticed the tension.

“Oh, which club? There’s some I’ve been checking out…”

Those two kept up the conversation. Shawn’s gaze on Annalise made her throat close up. He wasn’t smiling or feigning politeness anymore. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were hard and glossed over. Inexplicable guilt began to form in her chest yet again. She knew he didn’t understand.

_______

taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @ilsolee @mendesromano @1-800-khalid-mendussy @kitykatnumber @strangerliaa @iloveshawnieboi @poppyshawn @shawnsunflower @shawnvvmendes @yourdelightfullyleft @shawmndes @havethetimeeofyourlifee @calyumthomas

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes smut #shawn x goth gf #this is the Start of some stupid ass fuckery #aka the Sequel #shoutout to the shawns hoes gc for letting me tag some of yall #and yes this fic will be in 3rd pov #we haven't heard enough of Shawn's thots n feelios lu #and i guess how u know its in shawns pov is when Ann is used instead of annalise #if u read the tags i appreciate u

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mirohed · 5 years

Text

kim seunghun | love me, love me not

pairing: kim seunghun + gender neutral reader

wc: 3.7k

genre: hanahaki au + angst

synopsis: daffodils represent unrequited love. is that why you keep coughing them up?

warnings: implications of suggestive content, descriptions of illness (and mention of surgery), mention of alcohol

playlist: love me, love me not.

a/n: happy birthday to me!! im glad i finally got to finish and post this (its,,, been in my wips since at least february LMAO) !! they prob wont read this but i wanted to thank my irls for dealing w me and my kpop bullshit (esp bc none of them stan ygtb 😔)

It's getting worse.

Your knuckles turn white, gripping the porcelain of the toilet. Tears and blood alike fall into the bowl, disturbing the gentle peace of the water. You pound at your chest, the action causing you to hack up yellow daffodil petals stained suspicious red. It's a monotonous process at this point. Pound. Cough. Pound. Cough. Repeat until the damned coughing stops.

It takes ten minutes before you return to normal. Or at least as normal as you can get. You got lucky this time.

You watch the petals spiral downward into the gaping hole in the toilet and get flushed away.

Being with Seunghun wasn't always accompanied by a tightness in your chest and petals tickling your throat.

june 19, 2005; 2:52 PM.

"I wanna grow up," you had grumbled, your hands squeezed around the chains of the swingset. You and Seunghun had been riding your bikes for the first time since getting the training wheels off. You had sped down a hill ("First one down’s a rotten egg!") and lost control, falling off and scraping your knee on the pavement. He rushed you to your parents' house, supporting your weight with an arm around your waist. The two of you had settled for playing on the swingset in your backyard instead.

"Me too," he said. "I think." He'd been rocking forward and backward on the swing, eyes focused on the blades of grass underfoot.

"You think?"

"I don't know." You stayed silent, trying to gain as much height as possible with your uninjured leg. "I don't wanna grow up and stop being friends." That got you to stop right in your tracks, your leg planted on the ground.

"What?" You sent an incredulous look his way. "Why would we stop being friends?"

He had let go of the swing, his hands finding his lap. "Some of the older kids stopped being friends when they grew up," he mumbled. "I don't wanna stop being friends, but neither did they..."

You got off the swing, limping over to him and wrapping Seunghun in the biggest hug your six-year-old arms could muster.

"We're gonna be best friends forever. Don't forget that."

"Best friends forever." If he wrapped his arms tighter around you then, you didn’t pick up on it.

[09:54 PM] huniebee🐝: i had fun today :^))

[09:54 PM] huniebee🐝: i wanna adopt a puppy!!

[09:55 PM] huniebee🐝: will you promise to help me take care of it

You brighten as the messages come in, your phone's vibrations distracting you from the way your throat clogs.

[09:56 PM] you: ofc

[09:56 PM] you: well be the best puppy parents the worlds ever seen

[09:57 PM] huniebee🐝: wait i need to send the pics from the pet shelter

[Attachment: 8 images]

You save each picture, cooing over the puppies you got to meet. This time, you only get a precious few minutes of relative clarity before things get too distracting to ignore. You return to the bathroom with a resigned sigh that devolves into a fit of coughs.

You cough and retch and cough some more. By the time you're done, there are less petals and more blood in the toilet bowl. Your chest still feels full of something you can't quite spit out.

Then you hack up something new: a bloody stem with wet flowers still attached.

There's nothing left to do but cry, your whole body wracked with pain both physical and emotional.

august 29, 2011; 3:15 PM.

"Today was fun," you said, making yourself right at home on Seunghun's bed. Your new backpack hadn't lasted more than a couple minutes in his house before getting neglected on his carpet. Your best friend hummed in acknowledgement, already sitting at his desk with his workbook out. "I'm glad we got to meet some new people," you continued, "but that Hyunsuk guy? Seems like a major pain in the ass."

"Give him a chance."

"I know, I know. I will. But still," you huffed, “it was his first day too. No need to act like a know-it-all."

"I know. But it's the first day. Maybe he'll even himself out with time."

The conversation ended there, and you spent some time staring at his ceiling fan, the blades going round and round in a big, beautiful blur. Before long, you had grown bored, looking over at him only to see his pencil flying across the paper.

"Hey. Let's go to the mall and get pretzels." Seunghun spun around to face you, a foot stopping his chair from going too far.

"Sure," he gave a placid smile. "Do your work first."

You groaned as loudly as you could, sounding much like a petulant child straight out of elementary school. (Which was more or less the truth, but you thought you were better than that.) After a few minutes of uninterrupted whining and failing to get Seunghun to break, you spoke up. "Why do I need to do my work? You're Mr. Hardworking, Mr. Teacher's Pet."

"We're in middle school now," he had said, and you remember thinking you were in for a long lecture, "and pretty soon, we're gonna have to go to high school and take entrance exams and decide which university we want to go to and..." He averted his gaze, put down his pen. "We need to start growing up."

"We're still young," you reasoned, sitting up and letting your legs dangle off the side of his bed. "If anything, this is our time to experience things and, you know, make mistakes before we become adults!"

He was silent for a few long, agonizing moments, long enough to make you think you'd won. The pretzels were within reach; all you had to do was ask for them.

"I call a compromise."

Shit. Compromises were common in your friendship. Seunghun was always a little too good at stopping you from making stupid decisions. The worst part was that you could never argue with them. "We go to the mall to get pretzels—my treat—if, and only if, you do your work. We don't go until we're both finished. Deal?"

You opened your mouth, determined to pick the proposal apart, but his reasoning was (unpleasant, yet) bulletproof. Instead, you reached for your backpack with a heavy sigh. "First of all, fuck you. Second of all," you said, tugging your own workbook out, "you're impossible."

"I know. Do your work."

"Fine."

The math problems had been difficult, definitely harder than you were used to, but doable. If anything, the greasy mall pretzels that were way too salty to be healthy made it all worth it.

Seunghun gets understandably very worried when you text him from the hospital, but he comes to see you nonetheless. In his arms is a bouquet of daffodils.

"They symbolize friendship," he says, setting it down on the table next to you. You stare at the pristine yellow petals and flatten your lips in a tight smile. How ironic, you think, that he doesn't know they also symbolize unrequited love.

"The doctors wouldn't tell me why you're here. Classified information, they said." That much is true; nor much is known about the disease outside of shitty romance movies with unrealistically happy endings. Seunghun always believed in them. You never did.

You don't think your story's gonna have a happy ending.

You didn't want him to know anyway, lest he worry. (And you don't want to think about what would happen to your friendship if he found out he was the cause of it all.) "You don't have to tell me," he begins, sitting himself down on one of those rigid hospital chairs, "I just wanna know if it's bad. Like, well...you know.” He lowers his voice to a whisper. “Terminal."

"Like if I'm gonna die?"

"Yeah," he rubs the nape of his neck, a bit abashed, "more or less."

"I don't know. Sure hope not," you chuckle. That brings on a coughing fit, and Seunghun looks on, brows knit together. He moves close to offer what little comfort he can, but you hold your hand up to stop him; having him near will only make things worse.

Petals threaten to spill out of your mouth, and panic bubbles in your chest when he asks if you're okay. Your doctor, bless her, chooses that moment to enter. She shooes him out "to speak to you in private." Seunghun, to his credit, obliges and flashes you a smile and a thumbs-up as he goes. You try to mirror his expression (and hope your smile isn't more of a grimace).

The door closes behind him with a soft click. "Friend of yours?" the doctor asks.

You spit the blood-stained petals into your hand, your doctor graciously looking the other way as you toss them into the trash. "You could say that."

october 4, 2013; 5:11 PM.

You tugged at your clothing, feeling more than a little uncomfortable as you waited for your best friend to show up. The DJ, a former student, was already hard at work inside the gym. You heard the bass-boosted beginning of the Cupid Shuffle and shot a frantic text to Seunghun.

[05:11 PM] you: holy shit theyre playing the cupid shuffle can you PLEASE hurry up

[05:12 PM] you: idc if this is our first homecoming you better get your ass over here

[05:12 PM] huniebee🐝: give me like two minutes!!

[05:12 PM] you: THE SONGS GONNA BE OVER IN 2 MIN

"Are you waiting for Seunghun?" Hyunsuk had asked, tie already loosened. You two had gotten close—not as close as you and Seunghun, of course—this year as a result of having classes together. You wondered why you ever hated him.

"Yeah. He won't be too late, thank God, but I'm pissed we're missing the Cupid Shuffle. What about you? I remember you bragging all week about 'flexing your dance skills in front of the ladies.' Or are you all talk, as usual?"

"You know, it's almost like you don't want me to wait with you."

You had laughed, knocking your shoulder into his. The chatter kept up for a minute or two before he made his leave. ("Well, it's time for me to flex my dance muscles in front of the seniors," he chuckled, giving you a salute as he walked off.)

"I'm here! God, I can't believe I missed the Cupid Shuffle," Seunghun said, head hung low. You began to feel a little self-conscious; you were feeling out of place in your semi-formal outfit, yet he looked right at home in his dress shirt.

Chasing those thoughts away, you grinned. "You're here now, aren't you? Come on." You took his hand and dragged him into the gym.

You don't talk to Seunghun or to Hyunsuk after that. You're not sure if you should tell Hyunsuk about the whole situation when he texts you. Seunghun must have told him something was up, of course, and he's insightful enough, sensitive enough (when he wants to be), but you worry. You're afraid he'll open his big mouth. Instead, you send a few messages to your best friend.

[04:29 AM] you: hey

[04:29 AM] you: i just wanted to say in advance that im sorry

[04:29 AM] you: im so so sorry for everything ive done and for what im about to do

There's one last message in the text box, daring you to send it. "I'm sorry I love you," you whisper instead, deleting the message before you do something you’ll regret. To seal the deal, you tap through a few menus until you reach his contact. The picture you've assigned to him is one you took; he's about to take a big bite of cotton candy bigger than his head.

With a heavy heart (though you hope it’s just the weight of the daffodils in your chest), you block his contact. It's better this way. It has to be.

Your doctor said you could get rid of the thick, thorned vines with a vicegrip around your heart and lungs, could pluck the flowers that threaten to spill out at the mere thought of your best friend.

The biggest side effect of it all, she told you, was that you'd forget all about Kim Seunghun. So you steel yourself.

The last thing you think about before they insert the thin needle of anesthesia in your veins is Seunghun's smile, and how you'll never see it in person again.

And how even if you did, you wouldn't remember it as the grin from the boy you love.

october 4, 2013; 9:16 PM.

The frenetic strobe lighting in the gym slowed to a stop, having been replaced with a spotlight making lazy rounds through the gym.

You knew that marked the beginning of a slow song, and dragged Seunghun off the floor in search of some punch. He seemed to have different plans, tugging you back on the floor and pulling you flush against him.

"Where are you going?" he had asked. "You're the one who wanted to dance the night away." His hands found your waist, yours instinctively folding behind his neck. You had wanted to say something about how that claim was void now; he was the one that made you miss the Cupid Shuffle, but the words get extinguished when you look at him.

It was just like that time you practiced in fifth grade, but you swore there was something different about tonight and the way you swayed. You thought back to your practice session in fifth grade, how you had stepped on each other's feet, how you spent the whole time laughing. (For the record, it wasn't for any lack of balance; you started it, laughing as he cried out before he stomped on your toe.)

There was no laughing during the song. Everything was vibrant and deafening and there all at once. But at the same time, it was like everything had been stripped away. Everything but you and Seunghun.

Things changed after that. You were left with a dizzying, free-fall sort of feeling that picked up with each glance at your best friend. Almost every butterfly in the world was taking current residency in your stomach, making you feel light as your body moved to the music. Before long, there was something lodged at the back of your throat, nudging its way forward.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick," you said, a particularly heavy cough bringing the mysterious lump to your mouth.

Running your tongue along the smooth texture of the lump (okay, so not phlegm), you spat the offending object into the sink: a single yellow petal, coated in saliva.

You blinked.

Blinked again.

"Oh, what the fuck," you muttered, unlocking your phone. One quick Google search later—why the fuck am i coughing up flowers—you found an answer.

Flora mortem. You were loath to believe WebMD, of all things, but you found yourself tapping the link regardless. There was another term for the rare disease: Hanahaki.

Revising your search query was a mistake. The first result was the "hanahaki" tag on Tumblr, which showed nothing but models with tears in their eyes and bloodied flowers in their mouths. Yikes.

You made your way back to the party after that, but lingering in the back of your mind was the cause of the disease: a severe case of unrequited love.

There is only one definite cure for Hanahaki Disease: having the object of the afflicted's affections return their feelings.

You almost manage to purge the petal and the stupid WebMD page from your mind for the rest of the night.

Almost.

You wake up hours later. It's a little disorienting, sure, to come to with little memory of what landed you in the hospital. You peek under the oversized hospital gown to see bandages over your chest, get tempted to rip the IV drip from your arm. The doctor comes in right before you make a move on the needle. She tells you all about how the flowers in your lungs are gone for good.

"You're saved. But the final test," she says, pulling a phone from her pocket, "is this. Do you recognize the people in this picture?"

You recognize yourself next to a boy you don't know. His hand's around your waist, pulling you close. You wear matching grins. Given the way you're both dressed, you suspect the picture's from your freshman year's homecoming dance. Weird. Memory's kinda fuzzy from that night.

"Yeah. Myself. I don't know the other guy. Am I supposed to?"

"No. You're not. Congratulations," she smiles, placing a hand on your shoulder. "You're cured."

You look through all the old messages and pictures when you have some time to yourself. You reach out for the memory, the feeling of knowing Kim Seunghun. You get nothing, and while your brain knows something's wrong, you're more concerned about being able to breathe easy.

You move to a new city, far, far away from the place you grew up in. You finish your last year of high school, get a job, start college. You make new memories with new people. You forget all about Kim Seunghun.

It gets easy to forget that you weren't born with the ugly faded red scars that run up and down your chest. It's your only remaining tie to the man you loved so much you almost let yourself wither away. You think it's a good thing you cut him off; why stick around, why force yourself to suffer, for someone who doesn't love you back? Why be with someone if it physically hurts to stay by their side?

But sometimes you wonder. What happened? What happened to him after his best friend walked out of his life for good with no explanation?

Those days are never good. You distract yourself then, often with the familiar kick of alcohol burning in the back of your throat. You've never been much of a drinker, but you figure it's never too late to start.

Sometimes, the distraction comes from being in the arms of another.

(One of your favorite distractions, a young man named Byounggon, had run his fingers along the angry lines one night, jotting them down in his map of your body.

"Do you regret it?" he asked then, eyes half-lidded with drowsiness. You cupped his cheek, ran a thumb along the planes of his face.

"I wouldn't be here if I regretted it, now would I?" He let the corners of his mouth turn up just so, pressing his lips to yours.

You don't talk to him much nowadays, your interactions reduced to likes on Instagram, views on Snapchat. He's moved to a bigger city. "More opportunities," he said. You keep up with his dream of being a musician, always. There was a time when you were his number one supporter, after all.)

"Will that be all?" the cashier asks, jotting your order on the plastic cup. When you nod, he asks for your name. He jots that down too.

But then his eyes widen and he looks at you with renewed interest. "I'm sorry?"

"Is there a problem?" you asks, peering at your name (spelled correctly) on the cup. His eyes search for an answer within yours, some sort of explanation you can't seem to give. He averts his gaze, shakes his head, places your cup in the queue of orders.

"I'm sorry," he says. "Just thought you were someone I knew. Have a nice day." You parrot the phrase, catching a glimpse of the young man's name tag.

Seunghun, it reads in cheerful yellow. There's a doodle of a puppy in the top right corner. You think it's rather cute.

Two weeks later, you meet Seunghun again. This time, you're out for a morning jog. The crisp autumn air greets you as your feet meet the pavement and let out a satisfactory crunch under the burnt orange leaves on the sidewalk.

You both get stopped at the crosswalk, waiting for the light to change. While you catch your breath, you don't miss the way he flinches, as though he didn't expect you to show up. He schools his expression into something friendly within no time, and you wonder if you imagined the whole thing.

"The weather's nice, isn't it?"

"It is," you pant. "On your way to work?" He raises a hand to tug at the strap of his backpack with a small smile.

"Yeah. You should come by, give us business," he grins. "On mornings like this, I recommend the hazelnut latte." You hum in agreement, not yet recovered enough to converse. "Tell you what, you come and get one when I'm working, I'll make sure it's on the house."

"Really? Maybe I'll swing by." The light changes, and you leave Seunghun behind, waving goodbye as you do.

You come in later that day, ordering a hazelnut latte as promised. Seunghun's manning the register, same as two weeks ago, and when he takes everything down, he smiles. You miss it as you pay, but there's something extra on your cup.

As you take a sip of the (delicious; his coworker Yedam must be some sort of brewing prodigy) latte, you catch a glimpse of the extra writing.

Along the side of the cup is his phone number.

[10:58 PM] seunghun!: more than anything i want to adopt a puppy

[10:59 PM] seunghun!: or rather another one

[10:59 PM] seunghun!: i named this one after an old friend

[Attachment: 1 image]

The picture of Seunghun and his dog brings a smile to your face. You've been spending more time with him recently, whether it be going on coffee runs ("Are you sure you're not just using me for my employee discount?") or complaining about life as a broke college student ("My card got declined trying to buy a bag of chips last night...").

It's nice. Spending time with him is...nice.

It's more than a simple distraction, somebody to hold close on nights your decisions try to haunt you. It’s friendship, something to hold onto when you lose your way in the dense forest of your mind and to cherish when you manage to make it to a clearing and bask in the sunshine.

You've caught a cold recently (probably from that bastard Seo Changbin in your communications class). Seunghun's given you some homemade tea, swearing on its usefulness. It certainly tastes good, the sweet honey chased by tangy lemon. Unfortunately, the tea isn't able to stop the persistent cough you've been plagued with.

Feeling phlegm start to come up, you turn the bathroom lights on, hacking it up and spitting into the sink.

Huh. That's weird.

There's no phlegm.

The only thing in the sink is a single golden petal, coated in saliva.

#seunghun scenario #seunghun imagine #seunghun angst #kim seunghun scenario #kim seunghun imagine #kim seunghun angst #ygtb scenario #ygtb imagine #ygtb fluff #yg treasure box scenario #yg treasure box imagine #yg treasure box angst #seunghun #ygtb #ari.doc #ariweek 2019 #c9boyz

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plague-of-insomnia · 5 years

Note

I'm playing a little game - This is like a chain-mail ask. I'm going to ask you 2 questions, you have to answer them and send 2 questions to 2 other people (make sure you copy and paste this for your two people). Q1) What's your favourite PC game and why? Q2) What do you think is the best piece of trivia you've ever come across?

Thank you for the ask, Andre! These are such neat questions.

Favorite PC Game

The Sims 2, hands down. It’s probably the game I’ve played more than any other, ever, and I still play it from time to time. I like it more than the sequels despite the additions EA has made, bc it still feels like the best game to play multigenerational families and also if you’re a control freak like me. I always loved the game bc I’m an obsessive multitasker and I love having it running in the bg while I do other things. I spent many a day studying or doing HW while my Sims were living their lives on my screen in front of me. I have many fond memories of the game, and all the amazing mods, too. (Although the mods for S4 are incredible, I just haven’t been sucked into it quite as much.)

Favorite Trivia

Well, it’s hard to pick a favorite, since I love acquiring knowledge, but one of my favorites is related to some of the weird English grammar rules we have.

(I promise you this lead up is relevant, but you can skip to the end if you really want.)

During the Middle Ages, English was considered the language of the lower classes. The upper classes mostly spoke French (which is why a common language is still called a “lingua franca” to this day) or Latin, and all literature was written in either of those two languages for the most part. A few major exceptions are the King James translation of the Bible and The Canterbury Tales, which began the movement toward texts being published in English, and upper classes beginning to speak it as well.

The problem was, Middle English was limited by its vocabulary, so during Shakespeare’s time (we are already in “modern,” if archaic English by now), there was a huge drive to expand the language, and a lot of experimentation occurred, pulling stuff from other languages like French, Greek, and Latin, and making up words. Anything went during this time, and it was perfectly acceptable to say something like “more betterer,” for example.

What happened was, after this, during the Enlightenment, people looked at the horrific mess that was the monster English had become and decided they needed to standardize it, and so they put out the first real dictionaries in an attempt to standardize words and spelling.

This continued into the 19th century, and along with trying to solidify the “right” and “wrong” words and spellings, elitists decided that grammar needed to be standardized and codified as well. So they literally sat down and made up a lot of the rules that we are taught are “absolutes” by many grammar nazis today.

And the one that is my absolute favorite bc of its sheer ridiculousness (and the reason for this long lead up) has to do with prepositions. Specifically, the rule that states that:

No clause or sentence should end in a preposition.

(That means, don’t say, “where’s the door at,” for example.)

Do you know WHY we have this rule? Bc during this time, the rule makers decided that grammar should be logical, and thus, because the prefix “pre” means “before,” it was illogical to end with a “preposition.”

Seriously.

So, the moral of the story is, do whatever you want as a writer. As long as your reader can understand you, go wild, because the rules are probably made up anyway.

Thank you for giving me the chance to gush about the history of English 💕!

#my answers #stardark sky #grammar #sims 2 #video games #my faves #english language #history of english

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tesskeats · 5 years

Text

Comfort

I’m finding some comfort in read a friend of a friends Instagram. At 2:20am in the morning because my son is teething and can’t sleep. There for I can’t sleep. 😊🤣🤷‍♀️

This girl lets call her Sara, is living the dream life, my dream life for myself.

I believe she’s about 23 years old, living in Japan and has gone to a Japanese/English university and graduated with her Bach of arts degree. She has many friends English and Japanese, picked out her graduation clothes which turned out to be traditional Japanese wear, Japanese boyfriend, and now she’s going to find a job back home in America to be closer to her family.

The regret and mistakes I’ve made in life. Here is how my life turned out after graduation of high school.

2005-2011 what is like to call the fuzzy years. I broke up with Will, my half Japanese first love of my life for a guy who I became friends with at an arcade and lived near me. Because it was easier at the time than the long distance. Boy was I severely mistaken. I would never have known that this boy... Will... I would still be trying to look for his love and him for over 10+ years in every relationship. I never should have left him. Because it started a chain reaction of events where people would hurt me and abuse me. The boy I dated instead of Will, Taylor, cheated on me. Then I started dating women again. Also cheated on me. Then I found Melissa. Short lived, short loved, but so intense at the time for me and pivotal in my sexual identity. I had never loved a woman that much.

So from Melissa to about 2011 I dated/ slept with quite a few women. Couldn’t really find the one or didn’t care to due to being so fucked up. Gained a lot of weight. During this time I went to a community college and struggled so much due to bad education from an alternative school which mentally was the best choice for me at the time. I ended up getting kicked out temporarily from that community college due to plagiarism, which I truly believed how you wrote a research paper was rewarding bits and pieces from different websites and books.. and make it fit. My freshman comp 1 teacher failed me on my last paper, and I would have passed. I had to write a letter pleading back into university. It was embarrassing but I grew from it. Back to relationships. So I never graduated from the community college but I took up to Japanese 4 mainly to speak to my boyfriend but ex at the time.... I didn’t succeed past that or want to try since we weren’t together. Another future opportunity gone. During that time I worked at a home daycare. So I had decided I wanted to be a massage therapist on a cruise. So I jumped into massage school 2010, graduated and couldn’t find a cruise job. Gained up to 256 and went to another university for graphic design. Where was my life even going? I just kept jumping to jumping from situation not ever really thinking it through or understanding what’s going on. Still to this day my life would be much happier and simpler if I had just stayed with Will. Sigh. So I meet Ashley when I start graphic design university and she is my perfect new better Will, but a woman. And like I said perfect. 💗 I couldn’t have imagined to meet someone with a similar personality, make me laugh, perfect. But we got comfortable. And I’m not sure what happened specifically. Other than, she said at the end I never protected myself. And when we broke up, I didn’t have a fall out plan. Which seems to be a pattern in my life. Like I’m not mature or wise enough to have a back up plan or think ahead. I was heart broken when I left my perfect job in Oklahoma to move us to Colorado only to find 6 months later... she would break up with me and I’d have to restart all over again. Honestly it was the most civil and best break up you could have. Still to this day (even though we do not talk, she’s married, and I wish her the best happiness ever), best relationship I ever had. And I took it for granted and somewhere along the way messed up. Like all these awful people in my life messed up on me. And I did it to her. I carry such heavy weight on how I handled everything with her. it’s hard to let go and not over analyze every minute detail of WHAT DID I DO WRONG? Why am I not enough.

Fast forward 2015-2019. I had the worst relationship with a person I didn’t think you could have. And I was sooooooo Soooo SOOOOOOO completely beer goggles and blinded by the multiple multiple cheating. And I thought, hey if he loves me enough to have a child with me, that surpasses it all. Not with narcissistic sociopaths. They have no guilt, only shame. And shame because how everyone else views them. I have a 2 year old son. He has not seen his dad in almost 3 weeks, and he lives 5 minutes away and is unemployed like myself. It breaks my heart. He had him for 18 hours almost 3 weeks ago, and he asked me to come get him bc he kept saying momma, momma, momma. Fast forward to today. Not only does he have a new gf he cheated on me with, but one he’s known for 4 weeks, lives in Alaska, and is a stranger. He told me they’re just friends. Then it’s just the game. Then when I found I LOVE YOU TEXTS, it’s just how they talk bc or the game. And now 2.5 weeks after we break up. She’s in secret living there. I predicted this would happen, I predicted she would move in, however, I did not predict it would happen so fucking soon and he would try to HIDE IT FROM ME. Well shit is going down.

How is this my life? From a simple romance and true love with Will. To fighting for my mental sanity and son. Unemployed, single mother, living with her mom at 32.

I am truly afraid this, is going to kill me. It’s so much pressure on my organs and heart because i cannot handle the stress and pain of it all. I will give my son everything and my life for him to be with me. Taking care of him gives me such intense selfish joy, I cannot imagine my life without him. I’m filled with love, pride, and excitement to watch him grow and learn and be the boy he is becoming. When I look at his face, I see his father so clearly and part of me wants to cry and throw up, but I remind myself... if you give him all the love...teach him from right and wrong...show him how to truly care and love someone.. he won’t turn out to be his father. He won’t hurt women like his dad hurt me and so many others in his past. No in person should ever have to be in the situation I am in. The pain. The physical, mental and emotional pain. I thought I had anxiety and depression before... this is such another level.

With my anxiety and depression so heightened I’m worried I will die soon. My body and organs can’t take enough of the stress and mental damage that’s been afflicted on me. And My son will be forever with his father and new family. And even though, if I do die, l won’t be able to find out how he turns out. Which is the worst thing that could ever happen to me. Because I’ll be gone. And I won’t be able to see how he lives and grows up. So I want to write a short letter to my son.

~~~

Dear Noy,

Today is April 11, 2019 2:47am. You just turned two a few weeks ago and mommy is so proud of you. You’re learning to put your shoes on, and even try to say more words! You can whisper shoes, blue, show, and even car. You can clearly say; momma, dada, mmm, bubble, baba, car, duck, meow, woof, roar,mum mum. Right now I think that’s about it. I started you on almond milk recently because you had a tummy ache for a while and you love it. You also really love mango juice and frozen pineapples. :) we recently went and had ice cream together and you got a vanilla cone and shared with mommy. Mommy loves all these fun special times and moments with you. Especially bath time. Playing in the water and singing abcs and “swimming swimming swimming in the sea that mean old shark will never catch me” and you will flop on your tummy and swim away when I sing that lol. You love bubbles and colored tablets in your bath and to splash around. When you get hurt or sad you cry for momma. And lift your arms up and say “ohhh 🥺😩😢🥺” because you want me to hold you and it’s the most precious and amazing feeling ever. It makes mommy’s heart and head and everything so happy and loved and wanted. You’re my angel and my true version of happiness and fullfillment. I’m so honored and lucky to have you in my life Noy. You’re such a good boy. Mommy loves you! So so much! 💗💋 I hope that someday I can read you this letter and tell you how much you’ve changed and grown into a young man. See you go to elementary school and high school graduation. But baby if I don’t, and I for some reason leave you too soon. It doesn’t mean I didn’t do anything and everything in my power to love and provide the very best for you. I am not a perfect person, but I know I love you. So be strong, remember all these little memories I shared with you. And remember to treat everyone with kindness, do not hurt a lady because it can truly hurt her forever like it has with mommy, and plan for your dreams. You can do anything you want. Don’t settle. And love your family with all your heart. I love you Noy. XOXOXOX, Mommy

It’s officially 3am and I have to get up at 7am to do some things. 2pm is when everything is getting into motion. And going down. Please universe spare me the drama and heart ache. Let this be easy and smooth. Let me handle things with grace. Let me live and not die.

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theranskahovs · 6 years

Text

Rapture *Sergei x Reader*

Warnings: just a long fic about Sergei worshipping his gf bc uhhh why not?

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: this is a continuation of {THIS} fic. almost every Sergei fic is just part of a long chain lmao. also used a lot of prompts from THIS list. (I didn’t proofread this much so sorry if there’s mistakes)

•••

Anticipation had been building in you all day- you couldn’t wait to get home. In the morning, Sergei promised a surprise for you later in the night. From the smirk on his face and the teasing look in his eye, you guessed it was something sexual. He’d only gotten back from his work trip the night before, but it was so late neither of you wanted to do much besides go to sleep.

Then, a few hours before you got off work he texted you. You assumed it was something general, but what met your eyes was, “Tonight’s all about you. You’ll lose count of how many times you cum.”

When you read it your jaw dropped a slight bit. It took you a second before you came up with a response, “That’s quite a big promise.”

Since you got his text you started thinking about what he had planned, and all the things he’d do to you. If he didn’t fulfill by the end of the night you’d be pretty disappointed- you still had a few hours until you saw him and you were already turned on.

It felt like you were counting down the hours, then the minutes until you could go home. Excitement was bubbling in your stomach when you walked through the front door.

Once you set your bag down and take your shoes off, Sergei asks you to come to him. He’s sitting on the couch and you perch on his lap, giving him a quick kiss. “Close your eyes, hands out,” he tells you.

You do, and a light weight is placed on them. When you open your eyes, it’s a small bag from an elegant boutique you’ve only heard about. Everything in the store is a few hundred dollars past extravagant.

Your eyes meet his and your head tilts in silent confirmation of did he actually do this? “Don’t give me that look. It’s nothing,” he says with a modest shrug.

Lightly you move aside the tissue paper, thinking even that’s gotta be expensive. You reach in the bag and pull out soft material. It’s delicate-looking lace lingerie in your favorite color and style. You look up at your boyfriend again with a gasp of his name. “It’s so beautiful, thank you!” You say, giving him a big hug.

He grins, “Go see how it fits. Then meet me in the bedroom.”

You get off his lap after kissing him again, and he pats your butt as you get up. In the bathroom your finger traces the dainty lace. You send off a quick prayer that it fits, because you’d hate to rip something as costly as your rent payment.

Carefully you slip into the expensive underwear. You’re relieved that it fits almost perfectly. With a smile you admire yourself in the bathroom mirror, enjoying how confident it makes you feel to be wearing such an extravagant garment.

You make your way back to the bedroom and pause in the doorway. There’s tealights and other dim lights spread around, including various strings of fairy lights from around the apartment, a Himalayan salt lamp and other small candles. There’s the petals of a few roses on the bed. You step into the room, admiring Sergei’s work.

“You look amazing.” You jump, startled.

“Is it an anniversary or something?” You ask cautiously, thinking it’s all a bit exorbitant, but not in a bad way.

“It doesn’t have to be anniversary for me to treat you.” He takes your hand, spinning you around slowly to see your full body in his gift. The love in his eyes makes you want to hug him and thank him again, but the lust in his eyes tells you you’re going to be in for a long night.

He sits on the edge of the bed and pulls you down too, so you’re straddling his leg. His hand presses on the small of your back, pushing you closer to him. You close your eyes and tilt your head up, meeting him in an ardorous kiss. It’s slow and sensual and has you anticipating any small touch.

The hand on your back encourages you to move, so you get into an unhurried rhythm of rocking back and forth on his leg. The muscle tenses as you let out a soft moan- after being wound up all day finally you’re getting some release.

You circle your hips, grinding your clit onto him. His jeans are rough where your thighs meet them, but it feels like heaven on your center.

You palm his cock through his jeans, but he bats it away. “No, I’m supposed to be making you feel good.”

Sergei’s fingers dip into your folds, just light enough to collect some wetness but not enough to press against anywhere you want him to. “You’re already dripping and I haven’t even touched you, princess.”

The way he says it makes it sound like an admonishment, and your cheeks flush. He presses sloppy kisses across your neck, sucking at that tender spot. You try to push him back to lie down, but he won’t let you. “You’re cumming for first time tonight on my thigh. No arguing.”

You didn’t have any argument in you. His hands are heavy on your hips as you grind against him. One of your hands rests on his shoulder and the other wrapps around his neck. It’s an oddly intimate position for the way he’s fully clothed and you’re only fucking yourself on his leg.

With every movement a zap of electricity shoots through your clit, making its way down your legs and to the pit of your stomach. You cry out as you cum, the pent up arousal making your first orgasm quick and easy to achieve.

Your thighs shake around Sergei’s leg, and he grips your waist to support you. There’s a wet spot under you, both soaking through your panties and Sergei’s jeans, tinting them a darker blue.

Without warning he picks you up and tosses you down on the bed so you’re laying on your back. You move your hair out of your face as he hovers over you, looking deep into your eyes.

The rose petals are smooth under your skin, and for a split second you worry they’ll stain the light bedsheets. Any care you have for it goes away when Sergei grips your chin between his thumb and forefinger and warns you, “Don’t cum until I say so. Alright?”

You nod, licking your lips. His next touch is a stark contrast to his strict warning, it’s a gentle tracing of your collarbone and down to your nipple. “Lift up,” he tells you, so he can unclasp your bra. Once he gets it off he sets it on the nightstand, and you’re relieved he didn’t rip it in haste.

His head dips to your chest, and he starts pressing kisses and dragging his tongue over all the newly revealed skin. Once your nipples are peaked and your breath speeds up, he moves down your stomach.

Once he gets low enough he spreads your legs. His calloused hands drag along the insides of your thighs, followed by his mouth. He nips at the soft skin, and his stubble grazes it as well. It might just be your favorite feeling.

He presses a kiss to your center over your underwear, and again to your clit. You can feel it through the holes in the lace, and it takes everything in you to not arch your hips into his face.

Leisurely he pulls your panties down your legs, at the pace of a snail. The air of the room hits your core. Even though you’ve done this many times with Sergei, you fight against the urge to close you legs. He smiles up at you, squeezing your thigh encouragingly as he drapes your leg over his shoulder. “You have prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen.”

You chuckle, too embarrassed to say anything. His fingers dance across your mound, then your lips, never quite ending up in the middle. His lips follow the same path, and then he blows on your clit. “Don’t keep me waiting, Sergei,” you say, bordering on a beg.

He makes eye contact with you as his tongue darts across your slit. Your head tilts back and your eyes close, finally you’re getting somewhere.

His tongue flicks across your clit, probably writing the Cyrillic alphabet. Arousal has already begun to pool in the pit of your stomach again; without thinking you circle your hips slowly, trying to get more friction.

Sergei’s hand grips your thigh roughly as your fingers tug on his short hair. “You taste like fucking candy,” he praises, not pulling back much from your pussy. The vibrations go straight to your clit and you groan.

He continues with his light licks, not touching you too much. You try not to suffocate him with your legs each time he laps at your clit extra hard or fast.

Every single movement feels amplified, you’re so turned on and excited that everything is more intense. A familiar warmth is rushing through your core. Sergei sucks your clit roughly and you’re gone, sparks shooting through your body with a ragged moan.

Your chest is still heaving when he slaps the inside of your thigh. You flinch at the sudden touch, and he’s looking up at you with steely eyes. “Did I say you could cum?”

He’s using his reprimanding voice, and you shake your head slightly, still coming down. “If you wanted to cum to bad, you should’ve said so.”

Without warning, Sergei flicks your clit and you let out a sharp gasp. He spits on his fingers, and shoves two in, not giving you a second to adjust. His head dips down again to suck on your clit. Your hands grip at the bedsheets, crushing rose petals between your fingers as you ball the comforter in your fists.

“Sergei!” You gasp, followed by a litany of high pitched wails.

He continues fucking you with his fingers, while trying to press your leg back against the bed. His “punishment” feels more like euphoric torture as your spent body speeds towards another orgasm.

“Fuck, fuck!” You scream. You’re starting to notice that the more orgasms you have, the more intense they get. It’s like each time you’re climbing a flight of stairs, and now you’re nearing the roof of the building.

A light sheen of sweat is building on your chest, it’s taking so much out of you to cum so often in under 45 minutes.

Your walls clench around his fingers as he works you through it. But when you’re done, he doesn’t stop. “Wh- wait-“

“No. You wanted to cum, so now you will.”

His fingers curl to meet your g-spot, and he hits it fast and rough. The sounds are sinful, but you’re trying not to pass out from the pleasure. Your back arches off the bed and he presses his idle hand against your stomach, keeping you from moving. You try to squirm away from him- you’re too sensitive, it’s all too much. Your hand rests atop his on your stomach. You squeeze it, unsure if your silent plea is one of halting or not stopping.

You pick your head up to look at him, and he’s already looking at you. You take in how fast his arm is moving as he’s finger fucking you, and the way his mouth is glistening with your wetness, his stubbly beard damp.

You didn’t think this orgasm was any different than the rest, if not a lot stronger. It hit you like a wave, akin to the tumultuous ocean crashing against a seaside cliff. Abrupt, intense, and jarring. You squeeze your eyes shut, seeing floaters. You weren’t even sure if you made any sounds.

It takes you a minute to come back, and then you realize the sheets are wet against your ass. Sergei’s rubbing your leg soothingly as you open your eyes. Your mouth gapes as you realize his shirt is soaked and so are the sheets.

“Did I just squirt?” You ask in amazement.

He nods, a big grin on his face. “Sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

His fingers comfortingly draw lines at the apex of your leg, spreading the drops of moisture. He sucks on your inner thigh, leaving a mark. He’s letting you take your time coming down from your peak.

He crawls up the bed, hovering over you as he kisses up your neck. When he gets to your lips, it’s a slow and passionate kiss radiating love. His wet stubble scratches your cheek.

Sergei’s hips press into yours as he lingers above you. Your limbs feel heavy and unbalanced. He sits up on his knees to discard his damp shirt, then the rest of his clothes.

He has you flip over onto your stomach. The rose petals feel cold against your flushed skin, and the sheet sticks to your leg. A few of the tealights burned out, but the room isn’t any dimmer.

You let out a whimper as he presses in. He groans once he’s fully immersed in you. Sergei moves at a leisurely pace, knowing you’ve been through a lot in the past hour.

He moves your hair off your back and kisses your neck tenderly. His hands caress your waist as he speeds up. You have a feeling you won’t be cumming again, but it’s almost a relief. Anything more would just be too intense.

Sergei pulls your hips off the bed, coaxing you to get on your knees. Your body is too tired to even try getting up on your elbows. Sergei lets out a quiet, “Fuck,” as you push your ass back against him.

His hands grip your hips, pulling you back into him as much as he’s thrusting forward into you. Sergei spanks you, but not as hard as it would be if it was a punishment.

You grab a pillow to put under your your hips to prop them up. Sergei’s beginning to fuck you faster and with more fervor. It feels better to not focus on cumming again, it’s making you enjoy the moment more than hoping for the end goal.

Sergei’s thrusts start to get less precise after a few minutes. With a deep groan he pulls out suddenly, and seconds later you feel the warm cum hit your back.

You drop your knees to the bed so you’re laying flat again and take some deep breaths. You grab the pillow from under you and move it to your head. A sigh is muffled as you press your face into the soft down feathers. You’re too spent to focus on looking for clothes or cleaning up, hoping Sergei’s on it.

Thankfully he is. He returns with a towel and wipes off your back and legs for you. He tosses you a clean shirt of his. It lands on you, but you don’t move to put it on. Sergei leans over the bed and rubs your back, “C’mon, you gotta get up.”

You make a sound of protest, only turning your head to look at him. “I need to wash comforter. Up.” He tickles your side until you take his hand and he pulls you up. He holds the shirt as you put it on.

You wrap your arms around him, pressing the side of your face against his chest. “Wash them later. I want you to hold me.”

“Alright.” He concedes, letting you pull him back down on the bed, cuddling close into his side. “How many times did you cum?”

“I- I don’t even know. Four, five?” All you knew was that it was a lot, and the best thing you’ve felt in a while.

He smirks down at you, “I kept my promise.”

#GUYS GIVE ME FEEDBACK DONT VE AFRIAD TO ROAST ME OR BE HONEST #marvel #daredevil smut #sergei malikov #daredevil season one #daredevil one shot #daredevil #marvel one shot #marvel imagine #daredevil imagine #7-1-18 #writing

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space-cops · 7 years

Note

Every odd question fir Sangriel!!!

boyhowdy text wall ahoy. i didnt bother editing this or reading over it so oops theres gonna be mistakes. answers below the cut 0:

1) Sangriel Amato Heartspell. His name doesn't mean much of anything, besides Amato meaning beloved in Italian. San's surname was originally Keldaris (of Loretta Keldaris, wife of Gia Realdor, who took on her surname) until he changed it after his family's. problematic escapades.

3) He had a pretty fucking nice childhood. He grew up well off, took all sorts of classes and extracuriculars, all that shit. San's actually a skilled ballerino and is quite fond of dance as a whole. One of his fondest memories is his mother helping him with stage makeup for the first time. San's worst memory is the loss of his grandparents during the attack on Silvermoon.

5) Sangriel has no siblings but many, many, MANY, cousins. So fucking many. He grew up with all of them, so to him they may as well be brothers and sisters. All of them got along very well and though he doesn't talk to many of them anymore, they're all still on good terms (as far as he knows).

7) He and Mesdrea are childhood friends!! After the attack on Silvermoon, her family moved south towards Southshore, and his family remained in Eversong. He had no idea whether or not she or her family had survived until he leaves home and decides to travel to learn more about the arcane. Mesdrea was part of the Syndicate at the time and he joined her there. When the organization started going off the deep end, the two bailed out and returned to Silvermoon together.

9) He is not fond of animals, so of course they read that and immediately pile onto him. Sangriel isnt particularly good at caring for pets which is the real reason why he isnt fond of them. He'd honestly love to have a fish if he didnt think he'd accidentally starve it to death.

11) No diet requirements! This terrible boy is a walking garbage disposal.

13) He hates cabbage and cauliflower in all forms. terrible. bad foods.

15) San got his father's skills for cooking, which is to say he's..... not the best. He isn't terrible though! He's got a handful of dishes he can cook very well! Just dont expect him to cook dinner all the time and have it be completely edible.

17) Oh fuck yes. Selfies, pictures of dumb things he finds, loooots of pictures of bodies of water esp waterfalls. Half the time he doesnt share them he just likes hoarding the photos to look at alone later. San's not shy or embarrassed by them he just doesn't wanna share.

19) San hates existential "We are stardust and eternal" sorts of things. He feels that most of the time they are disingenuous strings of words pulled out of the asses of people who think they're holier than thou. also theyre boring.

21) He doesn't necessarily have a temper that is constant but he's very easily riled up. When he's angery he's more likely to lash out with words and snide remarks than anything physical, especially if he knows something particularly damning about the person in question. It takes a lot to get him to that point though. He'll bitch and whine and yell loooong before that.

23) San likes firm mattresses, and would sleep on the floor if mesdrea didnt insist on him having something between him and the hardwood. He doesn't snore, but is drawn to heat sources aka anyone with the misfortune of sharing a bed with him, and clings to them desperately. He sleeps with Only One Pillow, and mesdrea thinks there's something wrong with him for it.

25) He doesn't think he's terribly funny, though Mesdrea loves his sarcastic sense of humor (san thinks she's biased bc they're friends). Sangriel loves witty humor, and though he won't admit it, will absolutely laugh at a properly timed and/or worded crude joke.

27) San frequently has moods where he feels as if he's accomplished nothing with his life (you're still so young, his mother always says!) and it throws him into a funk for a couple days at a time. He'll cry somewhere towards the end of it after everything's sort of come to a head, and he does very little to hide it. Normally he'll end up snapping at the smallest things, like not being able to open a package or dropping something on the floor. At that point he kind of just spends the day sobbing on and off until it's out of his system. He's a little dramatic but its still genuine sadness :(

29) If any teasing is done it's minimal. Normally San won't do either, but he leans towards being more protective if the person in question is someone he's fond of. Teasing would consist of a tasteful joke at most when he first finds out, and nothing more. It's mostly to try and get the person to smile, though he knows it won't always work.

31) San absolutely drinks, and is actually terrible at holding his liquor. He gets drunk fast then crashes and burns not long after. He's actually a fairly fun drunk, and loses the insecurities he has that makes him quick to snap and anger when sober. San's a miserable person hungover and tends to spend that time hiding under blankets and pillows alone. He won't admit it but he mother hens those around him that are drunk or hungover while he's sober, though he's not above intentionally making loud noise when Mesdrea is hungover bc she does the same to him.

33) It depends on what he's wearing. Lounging around or going out it might be boxerbriefs. Some stupid tight pants?? probably some small bikini/thong thing?? of course he wears lacy shit on special occassions though. Of Course. Who do you think We Are.

35) Guilty pleasure is thrifting, esp for clothing he can alter. A totally not-guilty pleasure is sitting on the balcony of drea's flat with a bottle of wine and tossing tiny bits of food out to the birds. he keeps score of how many pieces of food end up in someone's hair/hat too. he has to.

37) San is actually an avid reader, mostly of non-fiction and esp arcane theory. If he reads anything fictional it's science fiction. Asshole looks dumb as fuck but he's well read.

39) He loveslovesloves sending letters and messages to people. Mesdrea was the only person he spoke to for a long time at one point and it was only through letters. It's special to him idk

41) San's solidly Gay. Really Really Gay. He just finds?? Lots of things attractive and in no specific way/shape/form. San would say he doesn't have a type and he's right. He's pretty bad with relationships though. The intimacy that's involved kinda...bugs him.. and it mostly has to do with his own insecurities and self-worth. Maybe if he found someone that helps with that he'd? be in a relationship? But for now he's 100% fine with flings. They make him happy.

43) He's not very religious. The light's cool and all. Naaru look neat. The moon is rad so Elune is too, he supposes. An'she is chill. It's just stuff he doesnt want to concern himself with.

45) People that don't know him see him as an overdramatic, flashy, pompous asshole and they're not wrong! He absolutely is, but that's all they see. People who have been robbed by him see a strange thief that somehow used magic to steal in broad daylight. Mesdrea sees him as someone who is actually a very loving person that is particularly good at making masks to hide who he actually is and how he actually feels. San tries very hard to see himself as someone who is good and worthy of, well, good in return. But most of the time he only sees what's wrong with himself and the things he's done and then ignores all the good, so over time he created the grand facade of this amazing illusionist thief that regrets nothing and cares for nobody and looks Fabulous™ doing it.

47) San has a love/hate relationship with formal settings. He loves the pomp and circumstance of it all, the dressing up, all the fake bullshit and the backstabbing. He hates that his family isn't able to enjoy the things they used to, though, and that's because their father had them basically ostracised out of their social circles and then gambled all their wealth away :\\\ So he loves them, but hates that he can't share that fun with his family, so he doesn't attend anything formal.

49) The copper ring his mother gave him is most prized possession. She gave it to him on his 20th birthday. The runes on it are a small blessing, Light's Strenth. He'd been planning on running off without a word, but his mom is pretty in tune with his antics and she stopped him as he was leaving to give him the ring. His mother's fairly religious so the ring means a lot to her, and while Sangriel is not, the ring is still incredibly important. When he knows he can't safely wear it on his hand, he keeps it on a copper chain.

#sangriel heartspell #ask replies #text #oc's #mori-sketchbook

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lizzieraindrops · 7 years

Text

intro

part of advanced PLACEMENT: an ars PARADOXICA high school au about a gang of queer teen nerds, by @estherroberts , @podcastmecaptain , and @lizzieraindrops

all three of the aformentioned dorks are equally responsible for the hijinks found in this post.

click here for the au masterpost | track #ars placement for updates!

point-of-exile, CO

modern day, 20[fuck]

bill donovan is the principal of the only high school around for miles

he's a dick

like a full on dick

seniors: june, helen, anthony, sally

juniors: penny, esther, quentin, jack, bridget

important relationships/friendships: june/helen, helen/anthony, june/quentin, esther/bridget, jack/penny, sally & anthony, esther & jack, sally & esther

june and helen are dating each other as well as their boyfriends, they and quentin and anthony have a poly arrangement that they're all really happy with

also, sally and anthony are really Not dating, but also they're not exactly Not Dating, either. mostly, they're best friends.

everyone at school is slightly bemused by the gang because so many of them are dating each other (in both assorted pairs AND poly chains) and those that aren't are often so close that it's hard to tell anyway

theatre kids: why the fuck is the science department queerer than we are

height order from shortest to tallest: esther, sally, jack, bridget, penny, quentin, helen, anthony, june

sally skipped a grade and is the same age as the juniors

esther and bridget are out to everyone in the science kid gang and esther’s sort of out at school

sally's completely out to the gang and most of school by senior year. she’s ace as hell and definitely some kind of aromantic

sally had a really awkward coming out that probably involved terrible puns

june and quentin are both bi and out (june is out to everyone except her parents)

quentin is a demiguy and mostly goes by he/him but sometimes uses they and ze

jack is trans

helen is trans (and loosely bi, if she had to pick a label for that aspect of her identity)

anthony’s pan

penny is demiromantic and demisexual

helen and june are the mom and dad friends

bridget actually calls them mom and dad

the three of them go get sandwiches at the coffee shop where penny works

and the four of them have a “our dates are nerds and we’re suffering” bond

they call themselves “the girlfriend gang”

everyone agrees the following is true:

helen: god

june: the devil

bridget: an angel

penny: a demigod

helen for student body president

anthony works part time at the post office. he gets very bored. sometimes the gang goes to bother him and he makes faces at them through the slots when they open the mailboxes

june works in retail, even though her parents are kind of rich. they wanted her to get the life experience. if you’ve ever worked retail you understand why she’s always angry

bridget volunteers at the library

she’s friends with all of the old lady librarians

they give her advice when she wants to plan cute dates with esther

and they all share book recommendations

and geek out while they shelve

sally works at the ice cream shop

always gets in trouble for trying to identify the flavor formulas

gives everyone discounts

most likely to get in trouble for her hair being uncontainable

lots more under the readmore!

fitness pacer test

esther gets out of it by faking an injury

bridget does the minimum +2 laps bc she's extra

june and quentin KICK ASS bc theyre on track and go running together

sally is sprawled across the finish line

anthony cuts in line for chicken nuggets

it's like the vine, he's like

so i’m sitting there

bbq sauce on my tiddies

sally’s on the floor, dying laughing

sally wears a onesie on pj day

senior prank, somehow engineered to mess with JUST THE JUNIORS

petra does backflips at pep rallies

quentin actually pays attention in class

bridget talks A LOT in english (to the point where she’s now trying not to talk for fear of taking over the conversation) and a little in history and that’s it

esther participates a lot in almost every class but she’s frankly frightening in the sciences

jack has trouble staying focused but he’s doing his best, usually he’s okay if he brings something to fidget with

anthony is A GOOF

however, he does get suspended

for cleaning principal donovan's clock if you catch my drift

he punched him. i mean he punched him.

in the throat.

he's grounded too and everyone can't write or text or communicate with him, so they refer to this period as his time in The Punishment Cube

sally finds a way to chat tho

because she's sally

donovan quits after this.

he cannot fucking handle these weirdos.

bye bitch

sally’s only talkative in her special interest classes, otherwise she’s pretty quiet

ESTHER AND JACK BEING OBNOXIOUS IN SCIENCE CLASSES TOGETHER

they squabble constantly

the teachers spend a whole month figuring out how to make sure they don’t have classes together (oh, god, not Them)

but esther’s in the wrong math, has to get her schedule changed, ends up in ap physics 2 with jack

magic SCHOOL BUS

the gang meets up every now and then for magic school bus marathons

with breaks for watching cosmos or bill nye

anthony tried to play the theme on the tuba once

it went very badly

cards club

esther’s the president

jack’s the only other member

they meet once a week and just play dilemma together

if you get jack and esther to work together it’s fucking eerie

they don’t need to ask each other for stuff they just know what the other one needs

the only thing more terrifying than the two of them going after each other is the two of them going after someone else

maggie the mouse girl let all of the lab rats out

somehow helen is in band, orchestra, and choir

she plays clarinet and string bass mostly, but it doesn’t take her long to pick up something new

one year they all did their arts cred at the same time

bridget on bassoon, and she’s damn good

sally was in percussion and had way too much fun with the cymbals

anthony should have been in percussion but he played TUBA

quentin did cello

june and esther play viola, they have an ongoing rivalry for the first chair (esther’s losing!)

carmen is absolutely the principal first violin and she’s a freshman and everyone is just resigned to the fact that she’s better than all of them

sally and anthony share an “i went to smart kid camp” shirt

it’s huge on sally, who is a twig. she wears it cinched with a hair tie

it’s slutty tight on anthony

#ars PLACEMENT #ars paradoxica #sally grissom #esther roberts #anthony partridge #helen partridge #june barlowe #jack wyatt #bridget chambers #bill donovan #quentin barlowe #penny wise #high school au #modern au #estherroberts #podcastmecaptain #this is a Very Serious au y'all

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kate-writes-fluff · 7 years

Note

If you're still doing dialogue prompts? 160? For whatever you want?

160. [text] Who says no to sex and donuts?!

When I saw this, I thought of Jean, so @tiggeryumyumm I decided to work in your Valentine’s day themed jeanmarco in the same prompt.

Sorry for the wait! I’ve been fighting some real writer’s block.

Jean: Who says no to sex and donuts?!

Eren: just bc i work at a bakery doesn’t mean u can take advantage of it

Jean: I just thought it would sweeten the deal ;)

Eren: obviously it didn’t work

Jean: T-T

Eren: considering how thin the walls are in our apartment, i’m grateful for ur lackluster flirting skills

Jean: …. Rude

Jean locks his phone and sighs as lets himself into their apartment. It’s only 5 a.m., about a half hour after the Wings of Freedom closes for the night and therefore way too early in the morning to deal with Eren’s teasing. Jean drags his feet as he makes his way to his cluttered bedroom, exhausted from both his most recent rejection and a long night of wiping down tables at the bar. He simply throws his uniform–which chronically reeks of alcohol–into a corner of the room as he strips, not even bothering to throw on pajamas before he flops into bed and promptly falls asleep.

Hours later he’s ripped away from a pleasant dream about a handsome stranger with plump kissable lips and warm, welcoming arms by an annoying buzzing noise uncomfortably close to his ear. Jean groans as he fumbles, finally finding his phone underneath his pillow with the display lit up with a new message. Part of him wants to ignore it, but he knows that if Eren pities him enough he might offer to bring him food–but only if he replies before he changes his mind.

Turns out, the text is from Eren, but it’s a picture of a flyer with no words attached. He can’t help but groan as he taps the image to enlarge it and squint at the tiny, pixelated words his brain isn’t awake enough to comprehend yet.

“Valentine’s Meet Up,” it says in a curly romantic font. “Hang out with other singles and donate your time to brighten someone’s day. Make friends and meet someone new.”

Before Jean can think of a coherent response, though “what the fuck” would probably be a decent enough answer, Eren texts him again.

Eren: i signed u up

Jean: whyyyyy?

Eren: bc ur single +whiney + u have a day off on 2/14

also ur a romantic loser so i know ur gonna be extra whiney on V day

Jean: ….

Eren: u kno im right. Accept it

Jean: i only read this text b/c i thought you were offering me food

Eren: if i bring u a donut will u stop complaining

Jean: its a start

Eren: i hate u

Jean puts his phone on his dresser and sighs happily as he relaxes back into his pillow, looking forward to the treat his roommate will inevitably bring him.

Jean makes good on his promise and doesn’t complain about the singles anonymous meeting Eren has signed him up for. Though he makes sure to give his roommate the stink eye when he finds out that he has holiday plans of his own.

“If you’re hanging out with Mikasa and Armin, then why couldn’t you just let me tag along?” Jean whines, turning to give his roommate the most pitiful expression he can muster from beside him on their lumpy clearance-sale couch.

Eren doesn’t bother to look up from his phone as he promptly answers, “Because you would spend the whole day complaining and flirting with my sister.”

“Not true! I might flirt with Armin too,” Jean flutters his eyelashes as Eren groans, turning away from him to finish texting his sister about their plans.

“Yeah, like I want to make my sister and my best friend uncomfortable all day.”

“But you’ll let your sister crash your date with your crush.”

“It’s not a date!” Eren exclaims despite his bright pink cheeks.

“But Armin is your crush?” Jean laughs as he reaches out to playfully ruffle his roommate’s hair, an attempt that costs him an elbow in the side.

“I hate you,” Eren groans.

“Then get your own Netflix,” Jean suggests, switching windows on his computer away from the website in question to check his email. He makes a point to delete his junk mail as slowly as possible, just to rile up his roommate even more. After about ten excruciatingly long minutes he’s about to give in and start the episode of Stranger Things when a new email pops up in his inbox.

“It’s for that Valentine’s thing,” Jean remarks, catching Eren’s attention. He crowds over Jean’s shoulder to watch as he opens the message.

Dear Mr. Kirstein,

Thank you for expressing interest in helping to set up and organize the Valentines Meet Up event. Would you mind meeting me at the bakery to discuss planning details?

Thanks,

Marco Bodt

There’s a moment of silence as they stare blankly at the polite message before Jean pointedly glares over his shoulder. “Eren! I thought you signed me up for the event, not the planning committee!!”

“Whoops,” Eren shrugs and leans back into his own spot on the couch, giving his roommate the space he needs to properly fume.

“You did this on purpose, didn’t you?” Jean accuses, narrowing his eyes into an even harsher glare.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Eren turns his attention back to his phone, pointedly avoiding further eye-contact as he resumes texting. Jean puffs his cheeks angrily, unsure whether the avoidance is a sign of guilt or exactly how little Eren cares about the situation.

“… That’s it, we’re watching Hart of Dixie.”

“No!” Eren exclaims, dropping his phone in his lap as he finally returns eye contact.

“If you signed me up to be a romantic sap for the full week until Valentine’s day, well then I’m going to start now.”

Eren groans but shifts in his seat to see the screen better. “It’s not even romantic, they’re just idiots for the sake of drama.”

Though Jean agrees with him there, he can’t help but roll his eyes at the remark. “You can complain when you have an actual love-life, Mr. I’m-in-love-with-my-bff-but-I’m-too-scared-to-say-anything.”

“Says the chronic single,” Eren bites back, digging his elbow into a ticklish spot in Jean’s side, making the other man squirm. “I hope you meet someone at the stupid event so you’re too busy being stupid and in love to bother me anymore.”

“You and me both. Watching you guys flirt is more excruciating than watching Zoe and Wade go back and forth.”

Eren grumbles profanities under his breath for several minutes before he angrily remarks, “Are you going to start the show or not?”

Jean sighs as his alarm goes off at 11 a.m. the next day. Working nights means that on a normal day, he tends to sleep through the afternoon. But thanks to Eren, he has plans to meet the event guy at the bakery that cut his much-needed sleep short.

The night before had been a long, tiring day and even as he wakes up he still feels tired and listless, barely able to keep his eyes open. Maybe if he was more awake, he would have put the effort into dressing for a first impression. But the fact is, he’s simply too tired to care. So he slips into a pair of sweatpants and a flannel shirt, not even bothering to comb his hair before he shoves his shoes onto his feet and stumbles out the door.

Eren’s wiping down the counter when he arrives at the Braus’ bakery. As Jean slumps against the customer side of the counter, Eren shoots him a distasteful look. “Really, not even an effort?”

Jean finds enough effort to roll his eyes. “Give me the sugar I need to get through this.”

Eren grunts an affirmative as he reaches into the display case to pull out a raspberry filled donut. As Jean pulls out his wallet to begrudgingly pay–though this is all his roommate’s fault, he knows better than asking him to pay too often–Eren nods toward one of the front tables. “Marco’s here already.”

As Jean turns to find the person he’s meeting, he suddenly wishes he had bothered to look in a mirror before he left the apartment. Dressed in a spotless lilac button-down and steam-pressed gray slacks, the man looks as put together as Jean isn’t. But by this point, Jean is just too tired to even think about running back to his apartment to scrounge up an outfit that looks half decent. Though he does quickly finger-comb his hair before he slides into the chair opposite the man.

“Hi! Are you Jean?” The man smiles brightly at his approach, making Jean regret his clothing choices all over again. Because that dimpled smile single-handedly makes his heart clench and his hands start to sweat. Though the freckles across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose certainly make the expression far more endearing than anything larger than a baby animal should ever be. In contrast, Jean can almost feel the bags under his eyes and wonders what the stranger thinks about the hot mess he regrettably is.

“Yeah.” Jean does his best to smile politely, though it falls short. His cheeks feel stiff and his flirting muscles are not quite awake enough to throw out his usual charms. “Are we waiting for anyone else?” He takes a moment to look around the shop and though there are few people getting breakfast to go, there aren’t many people milling around.

“No… you’re the only volunteer.” Marco threads his fingers around his coffee cup and looks crestfallen for a moment before he smiles again. “Let’s start brainstorming, shall we?” he suggests as he pulls out a small spiral notebook and a pen.

“Um, sure. What do you have in mind?”

Marco eagerly flips the page in his notebook, revealing rows upon rows of neat handwriting and messy doodles and diagrams. “I’m so glad you asked.”

The following week is the busiest Jean’s had in years. Whenever he turns around, he’s making bright colored paper chains or folding squares of paper and cutting out paper shapes, filling his and Eren’s apartment with boxes upon boxes of decorations. Whenever Jean gets ready for work, he can hear Eren stumbling and cursing over the new boxes that appear while he’s out of the apartment. It would be funnier if Jean didn’t trip over the damn things himself, too.

The highlight of all the paper toil is that Marco is loathe to make him work alone. During the week, they meet up at the bakery at noon, where Marco spends his lunch break away from the library decorating the place with him. (Jean makes a mental note to pay the local library a visit someday soon.)

Even after spending so much time together, Jean doesn’t find himself tiring of Marco. In fact, with each day he looks forward to every time he leaves to return to work, Jean finds himself actually looking forward to the next day even more. Marco is just as charming as he was the first day they met, cheerful, creative, and fun.

Unwilling to repeat the embarrassment of their first meeting, Jean’s careful to pick the best outfits in his closet for their afternoon meetings. He can’t help but blush the day Marco compliments a shirt ornamented with an iron-on transfer of one of his own art prints.

Jean has always been one to preen over compliments, but the sheer sincerity in Marco’s voice and smile as he gives them is enough to fluster him every time. Halfway through the week, Jean realizes that his attraction for Marco is slowly growing more than skin-deep. That day, Marco laughs cheerfully at even the shittiest of his puns–a quip about Eren being the real breadwinner in their roommate relationship because bussing tables doesn’t exactly set the bar high–and Jean softens.

By the weekend, Jean finally finds the guts to invite Marco over, so they can watch movies while they create card supplies. Marco brings takeout and they eat together on his lumpy couch. When Jean watches tv with Eren, they have no qualms about personal space, throwing arms and legs into the lap of the other at a whim because they’ve learned not to care about boundaries after years of living together. Here, with Marco, Jean is fully aware of just how small the sofa is and just the barest brushing of skin against skin is enough to make him jittery.

Marco doesn’t seem to mind his nervousness, too busy laughing at the antics of the characters of The Grand Budapest Hotel and flashing smiles Jean’s way when a particularly funny line is spoken. Jean confides that he’s an aspiring artist working at the bar only to make money in the meantime, so Marco makes an effort to point out the parts he finds visually inspiring. He enjoys the pastel color palettes–strikingly similar to the colors of his dress shirts– and cheerfully taps Jean’s knee to point out the most brightly colorful scenes. (He likes the pinks of the Mendl’s boxes the most.)

At nine o’ clock, Marco needs to leave and Jean has to get dressed for another night working the bar. As Jean locks the door behind them, Marco hesitates for a moment, twisting his fingers together. “I’ve heard that In the Mood for Love is a really visually interesting movie too. And I’ve been dying to see it,” he remarks off-handedly, looking down the hall at the flickering lights instead of at Jean.

“Sounds cool,” he says, words that seem like the understatement of the century.

For the first time ever, he smiles through his whole shift at work.

“Do you guys have to come flirt at my workplace every day?” Eren asks on February 13th. “It’s sorta gross.”

Jean’s ears warm but he scoffs at the question, “We are not flirting. He just happens to actually appreciate my jokes. Unlike some people.”

Eren snorts. “The only way he’d find you funny is if he has a crush.” He leans against the oven door casually, enjoying watching Jean squirm with embarrassment for once.

Jean huffs in retaliation, “Less talking, more baking. If we’re doing to decorate cookies tomorrow, we need cookies.”

Finally it’s the night of Valentine’s day and Jean’s nervous. All their hard work is on display, hung up around the bakery, decorating it with reds and pinks from head to toe. Trays of fresh cookies are ready to decorate and paper pieces are prepared for cards.

The cheerfully colored donation boxes are set up in the front of the room, listing the names of local hospitals and orphanages that are accepting cards. The slogan “Give a card, give a smile,” hangs on a banner directly behind the boxes.

Sugary sweet pop music starts playing as Marco returns from the sound system, setting up a themed playlist from his phone. Jean tries not to stare at the pink tie the man has on–the same color as the Mendl’s boxes in the movie they had seen together.

“It’s almost time,” Marco smiles, threading his fingers together restlessly. “People should start arriving anytime now.” The air between them seems charged with anxious restlessness. Suddenly, in their last moments alone together it hits Jean that once the day is over, once they clean up the bakery, they’ll lose their excuses to see each other.

It doesn’t really matter that over the course of the week, Jean has learned that Marco’s favorite color is teal and that Persuasion is his favorite Jane Austen novel. That Marco didn’t tease him when Jean confided that his favorite childhood movie was The Princess Bride. It doesn’t matter that Jean showed Marco his art portfolio and the other man enthusiastically admired it, saying that if he ever finished writing his book he’d love to commission him to design the cover.

Once the event is done, they no longer have a reason to spend so much time together.

The shop bell rings and people start arriving, forcing the two men to separate and socialize, doing their best to keep the mingling running as smoothly as possible. (Honestly, Jean hates this sort of thing, but after all the work they had done, he can’t weasel his way out of chaperoning a bunch of adults for a night.)

Regardless of how busy Jean finds himself throughout the night, his eyes always wander to the other side of the room where Marco is cheerfully chatting with other cute single people.

He’s busy staring instead of paying attention to the card making tables when a young woman with wavy auburn hair whistles at him. “Yo loverboy. This is the wrong place to stand around being lovesick,” she chides, carelessly wiping cookie crumbs off her fingers. “Sit down, make a card. You’ll fit in with all the unhappy singles that way.” She grabs a sheet of cardstock out of the pile and quickly scribbles something on it before handing it over.

It messily reads “Ur hot freckleface” above a hand-drawn heart that looks remarkably like a butt.

“See, it’s half done now.”

Jean sighs but sits down to work on fix the card she started. He grabs a pink paper heart that’s just barely large enough to cover her unromantic words. As he glues it down, he can’t help but notice that it’s the same shade as Marco’s tie and that thought convinces him to hazard a glance over at him. The tall man is busy chatting and working on decorating his own cookies, even as he oversees others.

It wouldn’t hurt to make my own, I guess, he muses, searching through the box of children’s markers to find a color he likes. It’s been years since he’s made anyone a hand-made valentine. The only friend that might appreciate one would be Armin–the most sentimental out of the group–, though Eren would definitely change the wifi passwords for that sort of “personal offence.”

After an hour, Jean and Marco switch stations; Jean overseeing the decorations of the last batch of cookies while Marco helps with the cards. Jean slides his own card into the back pocket of his jeans, unwilling to let his newfound friend even guess toward his intentions yet.

Finally, two hours after it started, people begin to leave, many of them in small groups as they chat and exchange phone numbers. Even the woman who “helped” Jean with his card is cheekily hanging off the arm of a stern-faced young man. She whispers something in his ear and his cheeks flare red before she turns back to wink at Jean as they leave the building.

The floor is covered in cookie crumbs, sprinkles, and paper scraps that will be a pain to clean-up, but even so Marco still smiles. “Looks like a success. People walked in alone, but they’re leaving with friends.”

Jean’s card feels like a weight in his pocket and he has to concede that yeah, it really seems like a success.

They take their time cleaning, taking away all the little sugary clues that they’d been there, that they’d prepared for a whole week over it. Jean’s smile falls as he returns to his earlier train in thought: that their reason for spending time together is quickly falling away as they sweep up the mess.

“Cheer up, Jean. The night’s still young,” Marco laughs, taking a moment to turn up the speakers. Cascada’s “Everytime We Touch” blares, bringing back memories of youtube videos Jean forgot watching.

“Where’d you find this? What year do you think it is? 2007?”

The music becomes a palpable presence in the room, especially as Marco begins singing along, dancing with his broom as he sweeps. Jean cracks a smile as he laughs, leaning into the table he was in the midst of cleaning for support. He’s laughing so hard that he doesn’t notice Marco’s approach until he leans the broom against his table.

“Mind dancing with me? That broom is just too stiff and wooden.” Marco holds his palm upwards, like a prince asking for a dance in the ball of a fairytale, not in an empty bakery that looks like it was ransacked by preschoolers on a sugar-high.

“I can’t dance.” Jean waves his hands in refusal, but Marco’s grin only widens.

“Neither can I.”

Finally, Jean gives in and reaches out to hold onto Marco’s shoulders as the other man leads him around the room. They trip and stumble on chairs they hadn’t put away yet, but they only laugh in the face of their own clumsiness, each mistake bringing their bodies even closer together.

The song ends and something slower and mellower replaces it. Jean can feel his pulse pounding but it’s hard to be embarrassed about it when he can feel the beat of Marco’s own heart from where their chests are touching.

“I’m not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts. Some superhero, some fairytale bliss.

Just something I can turn to, somebody I can kiss.”

Marco smiles breathlessly, his lips barely inches from Jean’s, and suddenly it feels a little too close and intimate, so Jean takes a step back to pull the card out of his pocket. It’s more than a little crumpled around the edges from their romp around the shop, but Jean finds himself passing it over anyway. It just seems… fitting.

The card is brightly colored and framed with paper hearts, but on the front it simply reads “Thanks” in Jean’s best penmanship. Marco’s face falls a little as he looks at it, so Jean hurries to explain himself as he opens it. “I wanted to thank you for setting this all up, because it really turned out to be a lot of fun. And mostly because I got to meet you. And I hope you don’t mind if I ask, but I’d really like to keep hanging out, even though Valentine’s day is over….”

Marco cuts him off with a gentle hand on his own. “I’d really like that… But you know, Valentine’s day isn’t over quite yet…. And there’s no one I’d rather spend it with than you.”

Jean’s cheeks burn brightly as Marco retrieves a small plastic bag from where it’s lying forgotten on the counter: a cookie decorated with a heart and Jean spelled in pretty cursive.

They have a whole lot of cleanup left to do, but Jean really can’t bring himself to mind. Even if he had to stay there all night, picking up each and every crumb individually with his bare fingers, he’d willingly do it if Marco would keep looking at him the way he is now, like he’s been the highlight of the night.

But the night’s still young, of course. And if they want to watch In the Mood for Love and kiss on Jean’s couch, then they need to finish cleaning.

#Anonymous #attack on titan #jeanmarco #my writing #sorry if its a little rough. writer's block kicked my ass #the second song is 'something just like this' by the chainsmokers #also 'in the mood for love' is actually a sad movie but... it looks so good i wanna see it

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