#and i didnt really while painting this but i felt kinda like i was going to feel sick?

[ink-the-artist]

blood animals

#ask to tag #blood #blood painting #creatures #i get a lot of nosebleeds i thought id give blood painting a try #it was weird i never feel sick or weird at all from the sight of blood #and i didnt really while painting this but i felt kinda like i was going to feel sick? #if that makes sense #so im prob not gonna do this again unfortunately #idk if it was the smell or the texture of it as it clotted #ive gotten sick at the sight of blood exactly once before when id accidentally squeezed a bunch of blood out of a blister #got super nauseous and p much expirienced all the symptoms of a panic attack minus any actual feeling of anxiety or panic #just the physical stuff #weird

[crushedsweets]

what do you think natalie and jack interacting would be like or. if they do at all or

jacks the only one taller than nat. ok i have words now

nat and jack met through toby, shortly after she was finally 'released' from the operator.

really it would just be nat and toby talking in jacks cabin, while jack listens. they never spent time alone together UNTIL toby and nat got into this massive argument and went weeks without speaking. this put nat on edge when she was at the barn that jeff usually crashed at, and she ended up also getting into a huge fight with jeff. so now she couldnt crash at tobys or the barn(when jeff was around) because she would get too angry.

so she went to the next place she deemed safe, jacks cabin. he accepted because he felt bad.

it was a really awkward night, but when she woke up jack awkwardly offered to make her breakfast because that's always how he was with his little siblings. she was kinda surprised, asked about it, and he awkwardly told her about how he used to cook a lot. she said smth about 'kinda ironic you dont eat this stuff then' and he just laughed. etc etc and they finally start actually talking.

natalies lack of filter and jack just accepting whatever the hell people say oddly works out...

she stays another night, she cleans up around the place because like. he sort of has like... echolocation and thermographic vision, so he gets around real easy and knows when there's stuff on the floor, but doesnt really see dust and dirt and whatever. he never even realized his place was kinda dirty and gets hella embarrassed and is like 'why the hell didnt anyone say anything' . he cleans a lot more thoroughly now. he gets so upset whenever he remembers all the times toby was there and said nothing LOL

theyre just.... so relaxed around eachother idk how to explain it. jacks always been pretty calm, and only got more quiet/distant after the sacrifice. natalie isnt super chatty but she keeps a decent conversation and he's oddly appreciative of her bluntness.

eventually they start talking about stuff they like. she shares that shes always liked stories, mentioned how toby tried reading to her bc she has pretty bad dyslexia but they thought it was cringe so she started listening to audio books, and jack was like holy crap. WHY HAVENT I THOUGHT OF AUDIO BOOKS. because hes always been a bookworm but cant read anymore on account of... well....

they listen to audiobooks together while doing their own thing. she'll be painting or something and he'll be cooking and it's overall pretty nice.

inevitably she ends up going back to the barn and her and toby reconcile, plus she doesnt really wanna live at jacks cabin cuz she sleeps on the couch and doesnt like to intrude more than she already has. but jack tells her she's always welcome

they never connect on a like, deep emotional level where they share trauma or something, but overall theyre just really good company

#their heights arent set in stone i might make nat 6'5 #creepypasta #creepypasta fanart #creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta headcannons #creepypasta art #clockwork #clockwork creepypasta #creepypasta clockwork #natalie ouellette #clocky #eyeless jack #jack nyras #eyeless jack art #clockwork art #sweetart #creeped #hcs

[v1x3n]

I saw tht ur requests were open and Im sorry but can u make the tf141 as the whole stepbrothers and stepdad? If thats not possible can u make dbf gaz?

-💪

two daddies?

kyle 'gaz' garrick x reader masterlist

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ sorry but i dont really like writing stepbrother/dad shit!! hope u enjoy though!

kyle is your dads best friend, he has been since kyle joined the military and worked along john, your dad, they clicked and he started inviting kyle over a lot. your birthdays, his birthdays (you said he looked sad so u invited his mates to play) bbqs or just whenever really.

you and him got along well, he was almost always at your house, if your father wasnt in and he came round then youd and him would watch a little movie together.

but that was different to now. you were a minor then and now you are 20. newly 20, last month was your birthday but sadly kyle had missed it due to a big mission he was on. he felt bad and decided to pop round with a gift!

"hiya love"

he gleams as you open the door, "oh hi! my dads not in, hes round at the pub with some girl hes met"

"oo you met her?"

"yeah shes nice" you smile as he takes steps into the house, it was the same apart from a small painting that he wouldve guessed you had painted.

kyle settles down on the couch while you nearly sprint to the kitchen and fix him up his usual. as if you were a barista. his barista. "so the big number 20 huh?" you snap your head around to the direction of the living room, the kitchen was open plan so you could see him sat on the couch, making himself at home when he turns the tv on.

"yeah, last month" you laugh slightly. "'m sorry i missed it" the tv starts playing after he spoke, he had put on an old film you two used to watch loads. it was both your favourite. "its fine, honestly. its not like you couldnt done anything about it" he gribs onto his cup of tea when you give him it, you sit down next to him which then he replies with his arm resting around your shoulders and pulling you in.

the movie intro starts playing as one of the characters start to chat, you gaze at him and look deeply at his features. he had changed a lot since the last time you had saw him. he wasnt shaven clean, his hair was a little longer and he had cuts and wounds littered around his body. another word for him it would be messy but you didnt mind. all honestly he was kinda ... hot.

your focus on the film slowly despatched and then your gaze kept with his face and body for most of it. luckily though he hadnt caught you just yet. the hand placed on your shoulder is brough back to him, he stretches and then instead of going back his hand is connected to your thigh. kyle squashes the fat as he stays there, the squeeze sent heat straight to your pussy. if he was any closer, god you wouldve came!!

"uhm kyle" you mumble quietly.

he looks over at you which his deep, loving brown eyes which made your cunt dampen further. "whats that box for" your eyes are brought to the little while box thats placed on the coffee table. kyle grabs the box and passes it to you, "'s f' you, open it" you smile as he does aswell.

you grasp onto the small box and carefully, unwanting to break it, open it. you place the lid on your lap, right next to his hand that was still holding - more gribbing onto your thigh.

inside the box was a necklace, it was a small heart with your name ingraved on it. the cold silver could freeze your hand as you held it up to the light to clearly see it. "oh my god! thanks kyle!" you hit his arm softly in pure shock he had gotten you something.

"'s no problem. thought youd like it"

"ill be pissed if it was tons though." a faux anger spreads across your face.

"dont worry your sweet little mind bout it"

the film seems to blur out as you look over to him, "help me put it on" his fingers linger on your skin as he helps you clip it on to the other side of the necklace. his warmth of his body could nearly warm you up, you leaned into his touch while you bring your face to him. his pretty eyes almost pull you in and his hand trails to your cheek. both your eyes connect to his and the moment froze. a memory youd always bring back to the start.

the start of something wrong but so fucking good.

as your two lips connect it was pure bliss, his lips were warm and kept coming back to yours. meeting again but casually getting rougher and more passionate. if your father saw this, you both know he would have a raj.

you try to get the moment to tip maybe a bit further, his throat becomes attacked with your tounge. while you think it was going well and he would reciprocate - he didnt, he fliches back. burrying his head in his hands. "i- we cant." he corrects himself, making it known this was both our wrong doing. "what ? why?" pouting before your face plasters a frown and a glint of sadness in your pupils.

"if we start, i wouldnt be able to stop princess."

#call of duty #reader insert #cod x reader #x reader #cod mw2 #mw2 #cod #cod mwii #character x reader #kyle gaz garrick #gaz x reader #gaz mw2 #gaz garrick #gaz cod #kyle garrick imagine #kyle garrick #kyle garrick cod #kyle gaz #dads best friend #dbf gaz #dbf cod #kyle gaz smut #gaz x you #gaz x y/n #gaz call of duty #kyle garrick x reader #kyle garrick x you #kyle garrick smut #tf 141 #cod gaz

[theloveoftoms]

its alright - e. hunt x reader

summary: while staying over at your boyfriends house, you get your period. basically just ethan hunt being the gorgeous and perfect and comforting guy that he is.

t.w: periods, if that grosses you out, this probably isn the fic for you 🙄

a/n: hello lovlies!! I hope your all having a great day, and thank you so much for clicking on this post! it is seriously so cold where I live, there is snow and it feels kinda like Christmas🎅 the grammar in this is probably whack, thats because Im trying to write a history essay right now and all of my 'grammar-ly thoughts' are going into that. sooooo, enjoy whatever this story is! ✌️😚

Last night was the first time you had stayed over at your boyfriend, Ethan's house. Now of course you had slept over before, but last night was the very first time that the two of you had actually orchestrated plans for you to stay over. Instead of scavenging his bathroom cupboards for an extra toothbrush or some form of cleanser that wasn't a 3 in 1 wash for face, hair, body, groin, feet and lord knows what else, you had packed all of your cosmetics and a comfy pair of pjs to sleep in. However, you didn't exactly wear the pyjamas for very long upon your arrival.

When you woke up, it took you a moment to realize where you were. The feeling of Ethan's arm wrapped loosely around your waist and the sun filtering through the blinds in the way similar to that of a Monet painting reassured your busy mind as the memories from last night played over in your head. Fall was in full bloom outside, and you felt warm and safe beneath the covers. That is, until you moved from your side onto your back.

As you pivoted beneath the sheets you felt a unwanted but yet familiar gush in-between your thighs. Your heart rate began to rise, and the pit of your stomach began to sink as you noticed the damp sensation in your underwear. You slowly pulled back the sheets, shimming your hips up, revealing a red spot from where you had been sleeping. Sure the spot was small, but it still was a stain of blood in your boyfriend's light grey bedsheets.

You rolled your eyes, just great.

So confidently, you had slept in only your panties and one of Ethan's t-shirts, which had hit just below your waist. The one time you didnt actually sleep in a pair of cheap ratty Walmart sweatpants is the time when miss flo decided to pay a visit.

You cursed silently as you brought yourself up, sitting vertically in bed.

On the chair in the corner lay your small duffel with your belongings. You would rise from bed, grab a change of clothes, and head into the bathroom and change. After in a fresh pair of panties and a new oversized t-shirt courtesy of Ethan, you would crawl back into bed and pretend that this all was a dream. The only problem, was the bed sheets. What the hell were you going to do about those?

It seemed, the moment you thought about how to keep Ethan sleeping and somehow remove the soaked sheet, Ethan was already stirring. "y/n?" he mumbled, barely awake, his green eyes meeting with the sun for the first time today.

You ran a hand through his messy brown hair, reassuring him of your presence, "Shhh," you hushed him, in a tone that was somehow quieter than a whisper, "go back to sleep."

Ethan blinked a couple of times before bringing his eyes up to yours. "What's wrong?" he asked, perhaps noticing the sheets pulled around your waist or the worried look in your eyes. "Are you okay?"

You nodded, tugging the sheets up, "I got my period," you replied, saying that last work as if it were a curse. Even saying it made you want to crawl away and pretend like you didn't just leave a notable mark on your boyfriends pressed linen sheets.

You were so embarrassed. Yeah, of course Ethan knew you had a period, you were a woman of a certain age after all, but it was never something the two of you had ever really discussed before. Sure, in passing you might have companied about your cramps, or asked him to come lay on the couch with you, but you never had openly talked about it with him before, and for some reason, this made you nervous.

You brought your hands up to your face, rubbing them over your eyes in embarrassment. You felt so humiliated.

"Hey," Ethan said reassuringly, sitting up, reaching for your hands, lulling them down from your eyes, "its okay y/n. It's all natural."

You shook your head, still refusing to meet his gaze.

"Do you need me to get you anything?" he asked, propping himself up on one of the pillows.

"A change of clothes?" he offered, "I can drive to Walgreens and pick up some pads if you need?"

You nodded, taking a hold of Ethan's hand, "That would be really nice Ethan," you said, offering him a gentle smile, "but thats not what I'm worried about."

Running a hand though his hair in the nonchalant way he always seemed to, "what is it then?" He spoke softly.

"I kinda leaked onto your sheets," you said, embarrassed, "Do you have a change?"

Ethan nodded, but before he could speak, you interjected, "I'm so sorry Ethan. This isn't how I wanted my first real time over here to end up."

Ethan took your hand in his, bringing it up to his lips to press a featherlight kiss on the back of your palm, "Waking up next to you is all I ever wanted," he spoke softly, "and I got to do that today y/n."

"So please," he begun gently, "let me help you."

"Go hop in the shower, change into one of my t-shirts and by the time you're done, the sheets will be changed and I will be back with some things from the pharmacy."

You looked up, finally meeting his gaze, "Ethan," you cooed, "what did I ever do to deserve you?"

...

So you did as Ethan wished. You showered, changed into his navy blue t-shirt that always seemed to bring out his eyes, and when you were done blowdrying your hair, Ethan was back with a whole bag of items.

"I wasn't too sure what to get," Ethan smiled, handing you a grocery bag that seemed to have perhaps a bit too much in it, "so I just got it all."

Sitting up in the chair opposite of the island, you peered into the bag, pulling out not one but three packs of pads and one case of tampons. Oh, and also, there was a heating pack, Tylenol, a small stuffed dog with eyes smilier to the colour of Ethan's, and enough candy and sweets for three months of time. You laughed whole heartedly, "Ethan," you smiled, pulling your boyfriend in by the collar of his jacket, "You're the best."

Ethan planted a kiss on your forehead, "Only for you."

#ethan hunt #mission impossible #ethan #ethan hunt x reader #tom cruise #tom cruise x reader #love #romance

[oddclangen]

40 Moon - Greenleaf part 2

40 moon p1 - 40 moon p3

Hazelgoat closes her eyes and soon the cold walls of the cave change to the warm wind of StarClan.

When she open her eyes the a familiar cat looking at her. Hazelgoat surprised that she can see him so clearly.

"Fleckglint who..." but before she can finish previous deputy interrupts her.

"You will learn about it later, dont worry," he smiles "for now i can't say a thing, nothing went as this cat planned after all."

Hazelgoat was confused by his statement, seems like something doesn't let Fleckglint tell her everything.

"Seems like am the one to start this one," Fleckglint continued, "kinda ironic when i think about it."

"Everything will be alright?" Hazelgoat nervously asks.

"It Should be," he tried to cheer her up with reassuring smile and the stepped forward. "i give you life for mercy, may you have it for friends and enemies."

Suddenly Hazelgoat felt how life rushed into her, barely able to stand she wasnt sure that she will be able to take all the lives before collapsing.

"It's must be hurd isnt it?"

Hazelgoat lifted her head, before now stood Softwillow. He looked at her with mix of pity and concern.

"Dont worry, not all lives would feel so bad" he continued, coming a bit closer. "I giving you life for bravery, you will need it to lead clan to the future."

Suddenly Hazelgoat felt much better, this live didnt bring any paint, but a sense of... relive? Maybe it's what Softwillow wants her to feel.

Whith small now he goes to the side to his father.

Next cat makes himself known vary quickly.

"Gosh you look terrible," Skyrain mewed with hir usual smug smile.

"Ah, well..." Hazelgoat didnt know what to say back, she really never was good at talking back at him.

Skyrain look became more sympathetic, "well what can you do a leader is a leader." he laughed to himself "You know what, i am going to give you life for certainty and you going to become a great leader alright?"

Hazelgoat awkwardly smiled as Skyrain pressed his nose to her head.

"And no wasting it okay?" Skyrain said before leaving to the side.

Hazelgoat respectfully noded wondering to herself how does it feels to loose a live while knowing you will return, not like she wanted to try.

"Is this the next leader?" She heard young voice from the side.

Three cats now stood in front of her two apprentices Riverpaw and Elmpaw, third one was Bluebellkit happily jumping around her.

"I go first, i go fist!" Bluebellkit jumped right in front of Hazelgoat, she could see that apprentices didnt really liked it, but couldn't object.

Proudly fluffing up his chest Bluebellkit said. "I Bluebellkit giving you life for hope, because it's cool!" then he quickly jumped back.

"Ha-ha so funny," sarcasticly remarked Elmpaw stepping forward. "i giving you live for instincts, because its something we should rely on."

Looking how Elmpaw stepping away, Hazelgoat couldn't help herself but think that maybe when thay found young apprentice body it the forest he couldnt rely on his instinct, and perished from some angry beast.

She was so deep in thoughts that didnt notice Riverpaw already in front of her, which made her jump a little.

"Dont worry," Riverpaw said, "Shystar told me if you would be unfit to lead a Clan you would not make it here.

This words didnt make Hazelgoat feel better, but Riverpaw didnt notice and continued.

" I am giving you life for justice, every leader need one like that."

With this words he slipped away making room for next cat.

She didnt recognize the next cat at first, after all Hazelgoat barely knew Wishfeather. She seemed calm and relaxed. Not wasting any time she dipped her head to Hazelgoat and said.

"I giving you life for sympathy, for cats of all places. dont worry will be done soon."

She smiled at Hazelgoat, and with small nod walked away.

Next cat was trying to not look directly Hazelgoat in the eyes.

She recognized Duzzlefuzz, maybe he was still feeling guilty over that rabbit? But that wasnt really his fault.

" I am going to make this quick, okay?" he was ready ti jump away at any time.

Hazelgoat noded, and Duzzlefuzz continues, "I giving you life for confidence, no matter what you think clan will do well with you as a leader."

Before Hazelgoat could say anything he jumped away.

"We almost done." Shystar appeared next to her.

"Is every leader ceremony so chaotic," Hazelgoat murmered.

"Well we can't really dwell on things do we?" She answered with a smile.

Shystar looked much younger then Hazelstar could ever remember. Maybe that a normal thing in StarClan?

"I am Shystar previous leader of our Clan giving you life for endurance in the face of Hardship." She looked at new leader with cetran confidence in her eyes, "From now on your name will be Hazelstar, guardian of our clan!"

Hazelstar could hear dozen of cats yowling her name in support. StarClan celebrating the new leader,

#clangen #oddclan #warrior cats #clangen oc #warrior cats clangen #warriors oc

[josiedoe]

funny weird fursona from ages past hours while i wanna take this opportunity to share my art, i kinda also wanna reach out to everybody who had cringy neon old fursonas and oc's that they're embarrassed of or feel like they need to shittalk every time they mention them bc "theyre totally better at making characters now i swear!" this is my fursona splash. i've changed sonas a few times, but none of them will be as important to me as her. she's not there yet, but next year in february, on my birthday, she will be 9 years old. i made her feb 22nd of 2015, my 9th birthday. i stopped using her eventually, because i thought i'd grown out of her. i used to show her to people and laugh about how stereotypical of a mary sue she was, how she had a demon AND angel form, how i'd ship her with characters from whatever media i was interested in at the time, how she had super secret sparkle powers that could do anything and how she's "not me anymore" then i remembered how crushed i felt when my friends at the time first started calling her one. i was knee deep at that point in thinking mary sues were dumb, and felt really bad about it when a friend said she was a huge mary sue and how i should probably change her. they even got mad when i said i didnt want to and told me i "couldn't take criticism". ive tried so hard over the years to distance myself from her while trying not to be too hard on her, to enjoy her in an "ironic, more experienced way" and regard her as what NOT to do.

this is the first ever drawing i did of her. another oc of mine turns 9 on my bday, and ill do art of her too, but this is where i made her. she was a drawing of firestar that i got bored drawing and decided to slap some neons on from the ms paint advanced preset colors. as you can see, she hasn't really changed much. her name used to be colordrop, because i had a stuffed bunny around that time with the same name. i think i renamed her to splash because i liked splashkittyartist. is the art good? no. did i really care? not really! i didnt even know it was bad at the time, because it honestly wasn't. i just wasn't as far in my art journey as i am now. im glad i never deleted my deviantart account, and i plan at some point to go through and save the images that are important to me on a google drive of some kind. aslong as im able to remember and keep her, she's an important part of myself. she's still me, just from a different time, and also so much more than that. im not sad about her, not in a nostalgic "i wish i could go back way". im happy, if anything, because i only recently realized we shared a birthday. isn't that cool? to not only have an oc that was made on your birthday, but reaches milestones with you? when she turns 18, i'll be 27. when she's 27, i'll be 36. i think that's pretty neat. i think it's important for every artist, if they struggle with this, to look for their old oc's and fursonas and whatnot from when they were kids and instead of looking at them through a lens of "im better now, do you see how bad i used to be at this whole character making thing though? its funny.", instead be kind to your old creations and go "wow, i had alot of fun with you. i wonder if i can have even more." if you're able to, start using them again. write with them again, even if its small and silly and more out of whimsy and joy than actual plot development. i implore you to be kinder to kid you. even if kid you wasn't very kind themselves. if you would look at another kids drawing and oc and go "wow thats amazing! you're so creative!", then you should regard what you made then with the same enthusiasm. put your own work on the fridge if nobody else did. anyways, ramble over. i'm very passionate about this subject because i lived it, and i deeply enjoy reclaiming what i was made to feel embarrassed of. so moon darkraven, demon wolf with an anime scythe and scene bangs and red eyes and neon colors that don't mix, i think you're doing great. i hope you're doing well, wherever you are now, and that so is the person who made you. happy early birthday to me and my special little gal

#my art #long post #sparklecats #mary sues #tw eyestrain #furry #fursona #cat #oc art

[not-souleaterpost]

The suprisingly bad plot of Bomb Rush Cyberfunk

So I played this little fun Jet Set Radio clone (don't worry, it ties into the iceberg, so I wasnt technically procrastinating with video games-)

And the thing that stuck out besides the expected and fun is how the story was bad. In a surprising way - not as "oh I didnt expect it to suck so much!!!" But nah, what I mean is that it failed in a interesting way.

So what do I mean?

Well lets start with the whole setup "Oh yeah, you get your head chopper of and are actually just a random scrap metal robot controling a should-be lifeless body."

This is weird enough, but the fact that there is that much head switching and body stitching is just strange, you wouldnt really expect that from a skating game - hell it makes the casual light-bulb eye-switching from Naruto look tame in comparison.

Still, one could guess that its just a quirky thing (or more disturbingly that some of the developers gets off from it, like not the weirdest thing that exist) - just some funny detail to get attention and stand out.

But not, this thing actually is the crux of the whole "theme" and "charachter arc"

And its weird that this kind of game trys that, like if mario struggled with alcholism as a framing decice for generic platformer #64. Cause why do something that is overly ambitious and will fail?

Like this game sadly failed - the whole search for "roots" just felt kinda unatural and as if the people were living in a different world from you (like ok I get it the society literally is that much weirder, but I mean in a sense of just procecing information and emotions differently than a standard human would)

Just the fact that the charachters feel empty and you dont really connect with them or their relationships makes everything hollow - yet its weird that they tried at all - cause yeah in the end in Jet Set Radio, nobody gives a shit about that stuff, we just wanna ride the line with carefull cartoon charicatures.

Yet still the story decided to introduce plot twist, thematic foils, villians with pseudo-arcs, drama etc.

But somehow it doesnt get how at the same time it just doesnt work on a basic level - like after its revealed that not only that Faux guy killed Felix for a petty reason but also is about to kill all other Graffiti pals, its kinda irellevant that his "big secret" was "Oh your dad kept you out of trouble"

Yet the game plays that up as some final all revealing shocker, and even gives Faux a death mirroring Felix initial fall.

Also the whole arc of Felix is both weird and at the same time something that seems to be trying to say something - from starting as some random smart hair-dryer, to it being revealed that he secretly was a legendary skater with amnesia, and the whole "you are both now"-

I get kinda that they tried to say "look he died partly because of his arrogance and not letting others be close may sparked Faux's psychopathy", but still at the end it just doesnt click, you know what Im saying - the first thing after coming to life with no memory is "Oh I wanna paint the city, yeah why not and find my original head even if its not really mine" and then "Oh I guess I learned the power of friendship, even if we interacted minimally and in the end only the final thematic attack showed the use of bonds"

Like yeah, it showed literally moments how without other people he would be dead but still it was so subdued that its weird to do a whole story like that.

Especially a story as whacky as it - with a evil skater head taking over the police and brainwashing everyone to do his biding while becoming a giant centipede monster.

But the weirdest part is that it even had the whole meta-commentary about how yeah it IS a rip-off and one cant escape that, but like, we are totally something new too guys!

But guess the only really clever writting was the set up of that weirdo with angel wings actually having a absurd but believable reason for overhearing everything lol.

Yet other things just go nowhere - the sniper kinda disapears from the story, there are obvious times where you are just sent in circles for padding, etc.

And that last thing is kinda what leads me to my attempt to reverse engineer the story -

I would guess they started with the wacky desing of the main guy and someone though "but why do he be having that crazy head thou?"

And from that it sparked the idea, well he lost the head - and that connected with the whole "identity" thing especially when they had to think if they were making something creative or just puppetering the corpse of a dead, head-team less corpse of a faux legendary franchise (I dunno why I said faux, I like JSR, but I had to tie in the names)

The details came later, hence why DJ Cybers Mask is supposedly Felix's, even though it doesnt fit the latter - cause yeah the charachter designs werent made like that originally.

And thats why there is some weird padding and moments - cause of budget reasons some things had to be stretched, or maybe some things had to be used in a way to maximise what one has done and to not throw away some cool concepts, even if they clash.

Also, Im not knocking this associative way of coming up with storys, just speculating if thats how it all came together.

Still, the fact that the story isnt just "Yeah we are rebels and here are police, lets fight!" without any of the before mentioned window dressing is surprising.

And, being non-generic is a positive surprise, no matter the execution - so see, this "essay" wasnt shitting on this game afterall.

(also contrast for a simmilar story that is unsurprisingly bad - Gravity Rush - but I'll save that for another time, man I wish that games creative direction was done by someone else, cause the gameplay itself has moments of being more fun than a lot of things...)

Oh also the proof that this all relates back to the Soul Eater iceberg - see what I found (sadly not first, cause I googled and some redditor noticed 2 months ago, alas if I played this game way back I would have had this eternal glory, not shame😔):

And if you say: That's it? I expected more!:

Yeah...Sorry

#bomb rush cyberfunk #critique #story analysis #meta #surprisingly bad #not in a bad way #spoilers #soul eater iceberg #jet set radio #would tag jsrf but only played a few levels before the emulator lost my save #I suspect maybe the story will make more sense in retrospect of that ones plot like I heard it involves some alien squid being summonened #but the first jsr had the whole yellow rhino demon #so its not the absurdity thats weird more the try to be “emotionally complex” or to have some theme and message #but idk #yeah...sorry #also maybe there is some shit in the post game that makes it be more coherent but I already wasted enough time with videogames lol

[tonberry-yoda]

Hii I hope I can get a slot in at some point 😅 at the time I'm writing this, there's still some slots open so I'm trying to shoot my shot for tomorrow lol

Here is a match up I had from you before that I hope you can use, the only difference now is that I'm a bit open to jjba part 7 characters!

My dream first date would be going to one of those pottery studios! Like where you paint plates/cups/etc with each other! I think it's a cute way to know each other and I love seeing how they could express themselves with it.

notes 💌: hi love!! i am so glad you got to do this event!!! it was actually super hard for me to pick someone new for you surprisingly lol, but eventually, I got it!!! literally though, I think it fits pretty well. I hope you have a wonderful valentine's day love and make sure to stay extra hydrated, okay? <33

THE CHARACTER CUPID CHOOSES FOR YOU THIS VALENTINE’S DAY IS…

NARANCIA!!

so at first, you were really shy, but this man was not

he was just so willing to walk up to you and become a friend!

and when you two got close omg it's pure chaos in the most beautiful way ofc

like amazing balls of energy, the two of you

he laughs at all of your jokes and you laugh at all of his

he doesnt mind that you over explain stuff, if anything, it helps him understand better lol

he loves hearing you talk

he's very talkative himself, so you both cant help but talk to each other all day

he's always goofy, so you never have to worry about a rough tone with him :)

he would LOVE your buzzed hair with all of the different colors

he will help too

he is nothing but funky colors, so he loves when you wear funky colors, but also loves when you dress cozy <3

he just loves your style period

he would love to just sit and listen to music with you

PLEASE CROCHET HIM STUFF

like shirts and stuff he is so into the whole crochet style

like bags OMG

he would get all blushy when you give him stuff oh lord

he definitely respects that you dont want to be touched too much, so he just shows you his love through LOTS OF WORDS

you got yourself a lovely and energetic man who loves you with all of his heart and could listen to you for hours <3333

💌 HOW WOULD HE ASK YOU TO BE HIS VALENTINE??

he needed mista to help him out because he wanted something creative and cool. the two of them tried to write out "be my valentine" on a cake they baked, but they didnt wait for it to cool long enough, so it kinda was just a red blob on the top of a cake. narancia, with a bright red face, rubbed the back of his neck and said, "it was supposed to say be my valentine... do you still want to though?"

💌 VALENTINE’S DAY DATE

Narancia was never the best artist. He always tried his best, but he never found himself to be good at it. But when you asked if you could spend Valentine's day at one of those painting pottery studios, he couldnt say no. Plus, he wanted to give art one last try and to see a smile on your face, even the thought of it, already made him excited. You two showed up to the studio and he picked out a comically large mug and you picked out a plate. He was so excited, picking out tons of colors. You two talked for hours, even getting a coffee or two while you painted. You finally decided to paint your with your favorite colors and designs and Narancia decided to go for a Valentine's theme. It felt like time flew, but it was actually about an hour and a half of the two of you just painting. You finished something you were proud of, smiling at the little designs. Narancia jumped up with a bit of paint on his nose that made you giggle. "I finished!" He exclaimed, facing his mug towards you. There was a giant heart painted on it and thousands of colors covering the whole thing. Besides it looking a bit like a kindergarten art project, it actually looked kind of good. "I love it, Narancia!" "You do?" The smile on his face made the whole date worth it. "Wait!" He said, flumping back in his seat. "I forgot to write 'happy valentine's day'." "I think it looks perfect without it, Narancia." The truth is, you didn't want him to have another cake situation. "You're right," he said proudly. "Well, I love you." "I love you too," you smiled. The two of you then brought your pieces to bake for a day while the two of you spent the rest of the day together. <3

~~~~~

mystery date rules | pinned post @tonberry-yoda

#mystery date #matchup #matchups #jjba #jjba x reader #narancia #narancia ghirga #narancia x reader #narancia ghirga x reader #<3

[not-xpr-art]

BTS Rapline Triptych '23 - surrealist painting

i wanna be a human 'fore i do some art - yun by rm (feat. erykah badu)

(05/2023)

it's been nearly 5 years since my last rapline triptych, and 3 years since my last bts fanart, but after listening to agust d's latest album (in conjunction with rm and jhope's releases last year) i got a sudden wave of inspiration to do a surrealist inspired work!

this is based on the lyrics and general vibes of a few of my favourite songs from the albums (such as polar night, yun and equal sign!) as well as an interpretation of my own journey through the last 3 years or so...

see the individual panels below with a lil explanation to my thought process~

i had actually originally planned to have suga be surrounded by flames (very similar to my 2018 triptych), but decided that the flames suited jhope's panel more (because of the connection to the song arson), so settled for a bathtub filled with... a red liquid (is it blood? is it wine? you decide lol)

part of my thought process was focused on the way his album in particular comments on how we change, and also how that can be a painful thing to reckon with. the last few years have felt very much like we've all been forced to choose either to sink or to swim, and while we decide we remain in some sort of limbo... the closed door and empty room are a part of this feeling (and also something i was inspired to do after watching his music video for amygdala).

the 'shadows' connected to rm (which also cross over into the first panel) are supposed to represent the concept of past selves. rm's album 'indigo' emphasises the idea of the self, and how to feel much more at ease with who you are now whilst not completely letting go who you were then.

the central black splotch (technical term) is based on work by the artist yun hyongkeun who was the inspiration for the song 'yun' (which is also where the written lyrics above are from). i liked the way his works looked like voids, with rough unfinished edges, drawing you in like a cave. i wanted this part to be the only real dark part of this central panel. i was a little worried this panel would look out of place because of that, but i kinda realised that that's the point!

this panel is very much a reflection of what it is to be an artist, and a human. and in the sea of soulless ai and the commercialised art market, it was kinda refreshing to create something that i didnt try and harmonise. the colours dont feel like they necessarily go together and the glitched flames from the final panel create a confusing mess in the centre of the piece, as a central focal point of the whole piece it honestly looks kinda bad to me, but i dont care! mess is an integral part of being human, and being human is an integral part of being an artist.

i originally planned for there to be lightning to coming out of the cloud because of the storm-y vibe of jhope's album, but i thought it'd clash with the fire so went with some rain instead lol. the album carries a lot of themes of the pressure of success, living up to other people's (and your own) expectations, and struggling with what you want out of life vs what you need! and i tried to reflect this in the cloud 'hat' on his head.

i wanted to add some open doors to contrast with suga's closed door, but whereas suga's door has a thin gleam of light coming through the seam, jhope's doors all lead to darkness. the fear of what lies beyond those doors isn't lessoned when the door is open, if anything it's heightened! the doors could also be empty, given that a lot of my motivation for art has felt lacking in the last 3 years lol...

the additional faces came about by accident but i really like how they came about lol. in a way i was trying to give the portraits a traditional ink drawing style, as well as continuous line drawing to fit with the surrealism theme. they represent the 'self' in all its forms, who we are inside, who we are to others, who we want to be etc. all three of the albums explore themes of self, and in their cases specifically who they are in a world where their success is almost unparalleled. i dont relate to this (ofc) but i do relate to the dilemma of how to stay true to that self whilst grappling with our commercialised and over materialistic world.

finding that faith in yourself as well as faith in art to bring you back to yourself has been hard for everyone and i found it really humbling to see that same pain i feel reflected back in the form of music.

ultimately this piece is about finding reasons to live and to keep going, and desperately doing that all through my art. something i've always done, but has been especially difficult in recent years. and like the albums themselves, this isn't the end of a journey, but instead a midway point, a crossroads, where we can look back and look forward in equal measure trying to make sense of everything...

#artists on tumblr #bts fanart #agust d #suga #rm #j-hope #d-day #indigo #jack in the box #kpop fanart #bts #surrealism #surrealist art #digital painting #portrait #hoping to do one more bts art before their 10th anniversary in june so 👀 keep an eye out for that lol

[hissi-oil]

mix of work and medical woes has stolen away a week of my time.......... but slowly settling into the weekend and doing both ART and NEOPETS !!!!! traded a pet, and acquired one named "grr" grr.... grr..... what am I even going to turn you into, such an impulse trade because i often just type grrrr after stuff HAHA

ooh now i want to continue to ramble on NAME origins more too, while looking through my accounts..... main, aka the mishmosh the crossroads...: the messiest and most disorganized of my accounts..

102nd: my battledome dari eyrie.... i saw this pet briefly up for trade a couple months before the NCUC release, and I was so transfixed with him for some reason!? in combination with the UC dari eyrie art, it feels so Tiny in the frame. just, an interesting name to me I guess... i guess the fact it felt like, not a name. 102nd of what? I traded a year 1 pet for an UC royalboy acara, which i traded for a high battledome stat UC dari draik... i offered her on 102nd, whose owner initially said no, but then they followed up and said they changed their mind because they were charmed by fact I was so interested in this pet LOL. trade went through, on my birthday!? since then, i've gotten a handful of neomails from people who've either had their eyes on him or previously owned him in the past offering on him, goodness gracious 4kiru: Not the nicest looking name i suppose, nor how I would be compelled to choose a name these a days...... but I choose to read it as Akiru....! I apparently created and painted this pet myself, but completely failed to develop him more... but, an existing oc as a neopet .... sorry, aki!!! perhaps I'll shop around for more name ideas for you!?? asdfghjhh: "asd" my first battledome pet!!! my little pink eyrie!! years back, apparently 2011, I joined in on a pound surf board, and she kept showing up.... apparently she really charmed me and I was obsessed with her for a bit, and drew her a ton and she got a ton of giftart as well, was considered a psuedo-mascot of the pound boards for a little bit....! i trained up her stats, and a comic featuring her got into the neopian times. she was my first pet to ever get boochi'd, and I started to save up for a pink paint brush to repaint her before discovering pink eyrie morphing potions were only 300k at the time.... ! really unsure if her keyboard smash name would be something to charm me over these days, but she is so ingrained in my neo history ! i feel i never really fully developed a serious character for her beyond "wingless pink eyrie that likes snow" grr: You are brand new.... what will you be !? I suppose, this account does have more than one pet who, are kind of 'nameless', i feel compelled to make you a girl.... what species....! maybe the lab ray will help me in the meantime as i ponder ? Guevota: back during my UC trading adventures, i was on such a hunt for an UC plushie jetsam....!! i really, really....really. i'm not much of a fan of the converted jetsam art, but the basic pre-conversion base pose is So cute to me? and plushie jetsam is the only one of the UC jetsams at the time that preserved it (robot kinda did too, but didnt have the eyes) not a very popular pet though, so took a While, to even See any to offer on !!! so not a matter where I could be picky or choosy on name, but I like it! I usually call her Gue "gweh" "gweh - vo - ta"

mimo154: another from my, UC trading adventures ... ! I know i technically 'downtraded' for her according to the UC trading tiers, but I did not care.... i thought she was so cute, and really liked 'mimo', especially lowercase... something charming about 154, for some reason.... which is funny, because me of the past wouldnt be caught dead with a name with numbers... and it's funny now, that NCUCs are out. but thats okay.... mimo154 ! toxin: also from my uc trading adventures !! i already knew I wanted to create this tyrannian kougra, but was at such a loss for names... was both checking various untaken names, trying to make boards seeking "Pets born on leap year", & also just seeing names up for trade.. i had traded an UC for a 3L baby blumaroo, and toxin was offered on this blumaroo... i mulled it over for a bit, like ... ah...!! toxin.... so weird to have a, word?? as a neopet name?? would i retrade it? ah, it could work for the kougie, he'd be so intrigued and impressed by the defensive qualities of plants and thematic to his own barbed personality, hm... ended up, accepting ! it's fun, having him as my active, since my username starts with a t as well, or double lowercase t's.... Ysae: a lucky pound find back in, 20..10?? around the same time I acquired Janra! I had (still have!) an important oc that's name starts with Ys-, so I was very "oh!" seeing this name. Neopets wise, this pet was originally an... actually I don't know.. but, ended up as an alien aisha at one point? I have.. alien aisha clothes scattered across multiple accounts....! When I returned to neo recently, I realized the name would be good for my Ys- oc, in neopets form. I was on the fence between cybunny or acara.... decided, acara....

#text #neo blogging

[starwarsfan2004]

Held by the arms of a sith || chapter 5 (Darth vader x female reader)

(As promised heres chapter 5 the wrighting will be a bit longer for this and She's my little flower too and as always enjoy until then)

Still..

Still and silent as you were asleep in a warm yet cozy bed, head resting on a poofy pillow as you layed on your stomach your chest raising and falling as you inhaled and exhaled for he, the dark lord himself sat on his chair watching over you to make sure you were alright and steady on your feet when you woke up after you blacked out. Why did he feel so mush and warm on the inside, he haveing the thought of it makes him a but frustrated besides he only met you like a few hours ago but something was off about you..

You are infact different, your not some bland persone that cowers away from him and being struck by fear when you see him walking towards you or pass you, his breathing was hitching a bit but came to a normal steady breathing and exhaling momentum you were such a heavy sleeper but moments later you woke up with a yawn as you turned over and sat up straight yawning and stretching, your eyes were a bit dimmed as you rubbed them to see more clearly only to be left with a surprise that made the cold and warm feeling clash at your handa and neck.

"My lord" you greeted him with a small smile, he didnt respond in a bit but his respirator broke the silence before he spoke "You passed out.."

Oh shit

Is this how I die, you've heard stories of how he can kill those easily with a slash of his saber or choke someone to death.. you looked at him with a hint of pink painting your cheeks as you were a bit nervous on what he was going to do next, "I didnt expect someone like you would pass out like a candle, but tell me why is that so?" You cleared your throat as you spoke to him with a bit of nervous and a hint of embarrassment added to the mixture "As you wish my lord, im not the type that has a healthy life style nor a balanced diet im diagnosed with haveing the lack of iron in my body wich means im much more weaker and can easy get hurt, it also happens when i stand up too quick my vision starts to fade until it returns thats also why i sometimes often take of my helmet" you explained to the lord the amount of curiosity getting the better of him as he tilted his head ever so slightly.

"I see.." he responded with, it kinda putted you on edge because you can't really make out what his expressions are besides that your mind was empty and there was nothing swimming in it just grey pixels and dust in your mind, you looked at him every now and then but he didn't break his eye contact with you he was really curious about you..

After what felt like his eyes were piercing into your frame you cleared your throat as you spoke "I need to head back to my quarters supreme leader, so if you don't mind me i-" before getting interrupted by him standing up as soon as you ever so slightly sit on the side of his bed about to grab your helmet and trail off again "No, I will escort you, I don't want you to pass out again.." he said as he pushed his code into the door as it slides into the wall, you grabbed your helmet as you putted it on while your weapon was resting over your chest as he waited for you outside. You didn't say anything to upset him so you scrapped away your thoughts for now as you walked out of his room only left with the hissing sounds of his door joining in with the walls, you both started to walk down the hallway to your quarters...

its so quite and still only with the sound of his respirator, the sound of heavy boots and people passing by greeting him that broke the silence your mind dwindled as he looked down at you, he couldn't make out your expressions better yet he cant see your tender yet soft face it made him somewhat upset but he found it odd... it was odd to him by a lot, it made sense to him, you in fact remind him of the person he once loved but things didn't trail to the right direction sadly.

After a long awkward silence he was slightly ahead of you until you started to catch up with him meeting his gaze again, you finally broke the silence as you sighed softly as you adjusted your helmet a bit until he notice your long braid resting on your back witch made him question you "Why do you have your hair like that?" he said looking over his shoulder at your back, "I don't feel safe or comfortable when there's nothing behind my back and I can't really put it into a bun it just completely flops my lord" you said to him looking up at him he however was quite amazed by you and the thing that surprised him more was the fact that your not cowering away from him nor do you stutter when you speak to him, he found it rather refreshing to have a normal conversation after he became a sith lord.

"May I ask you something my lord?" you said folding your arms as you shrugged, he stopped dead in his tracks as he turned over to you "What awnser do you seek?" he asked tilting his head slightly to the right he was a very tall man but you weren't that small to him you however are almost his hight but your head meets his shoulders, after he admire your small frame you spoke "Why was I chosen to patrol in your halls, what makes me so special my lord?" you asked adding a hint of ceriousity in your tone as he rests both his gloved hands on his belt looking at you for a moment before awnsering your question "Because I need more trustworthy and skilled troopers like you but its rare to find skilled ones your not a clone and thats what I find appealing about you.." after those few words he continued forward

Wait huh?!

Me, skilled???

This has to be a joke you thought to yourself as your brows furrowed and your mind raceing all over the place trying to piece the puzzle together for Vader he chuckled at your thoughts as he spoke again "This isn't a joke, after looking at your data sheet you were given the title for being a sharp shooter by your commander.." he explained so that's why he wants me looming around the upper floors of the ship. You looked at him with a tilted head as you giggled softly "Well dad did taught me well on how to aim" after those words he had the thought of his mother that passed away it gave him pain as he tilted his head down, he couldn't be mad at you for saying that in fact no one knew his past except for Obi-wan and Master Qui gon.

You looked at him as you scrapped your words together "Did I upset you my lord?" you asked a bit worried as your right hand was messaging your collar bone underneath the amour and cloth as he picked up his gaze again...

ah shit

I did say something that made him upset, you didn't bother asking him again because you know the reason why people like him wouldn't awnser, you let it slide as you look over ahead as the both of you made to your quarters. You punched in your code as the door hissed open as your back was faceing him he wanted to thouch your hair but he didn't attempt on doing so, you turned back to him as you looked up at him "Thank you for escorting me back to my quarters my lord ill be up and ready for tomarrow at the needed position" you said to him as you took off your helmet as you gave him a small smile that made him a bit at ease, he nodded as he turned back to where he came from leaving you by your door frame with haste he made his way to his meditation chamber to calm himself more and try to control his emotions more..

#star wars x reader #star wars fanfiction #darth vader x you #star wars x you #star wars fic

[fictionkinfessions]

People reacting to my scars was always interesting.

Not the one on my face, people were pretty normal abt that one (and it had faded quite a bit over the years anyway so it was easy to miss after awhile)

But the burn scars from Abyss mages. From the time I got my vision. They were all over my arms. Was kinda hard to not react to them.

I was prone to long sleeves just because they were comfortable, but alot of people thought I was ashamed of my scars or something. Honestly I wasnt, I didn't mind them. Though covering my arms did help quell weird/concerned looks from strangers.

But. Here's how some people felt about/reacted to them them from my memory.

Mom was proud of them to an extent, but also seemed to have some guilt. She felt bad I was scarred obviously, but she always saw them as representation for the day I saved her life and got a vision for it. There was some back-tones of wishing she could have protected me properly that day. But well we both had mixed feelings about the day overall.

Klee and Alice was all guilt. They both blamed themselves for me having them. Since I was trying to find Klee at the time the Mages jumped me, and Alice had left Klee in Lisa's care for the weekend knowing she'd come back to me with a Vision, but didnt know what I'd have to go through to get it. I never held it against either of them. Klee was like. 6/7 at the time, I'm just glad the mages didnt even try to go near her. And Alice's premonition was perposefully obfuscated from her to be the catalyst for my growth as a person. Thats not her fault, and she always wished she didnt leave Mond entirely that weekend. Though admitedly I was mad at Alice about it for a bit. But I was 10/11 when it happened. Of course I blamed the wrong person.

Bennett always painted it as us "matching" since he had so many scars from his adventures across his arms. I obviously had more at the beginning, but every time Bennett got a new scar on one of his arms he'd try to look over mine just to point out that he "now has an equivalent". It was funny, and he's honestly part of why I was so neutral about my scars after a few years.

Collei was really shocked by them. I had never shown my bare arms to her when we first met, so she didnt learn they even existed for 2-3 years (Mostly because of the region seperation). When she first saw them she thought something had happened after she left (Since my other scar happened while she was in mond). I gave a brief summary of how I got them. She looked so worried. Asked if they'd ever fade (They wouldnt, abyss magic is weird. They almost always looked freshly healed), if I wanted them to-(At that point I didnt really care) She asked a lot of questions and I answered them best I could. I adored her curiosity about everything.

Tighnari tried to ignore them for the most part. He tried really hard to not show his shock and worry when he first saw them one morning. We were in a bit too much of a rush for him to ask about or acknowledge them at the time. Later down the line he asked if they were ever treated properly due to the apperance. I told him I was pretty sure, but they're from abyss mages so it's hard to tell. He nodded, understood what I ment pretty well. He offered to help treat them should I ever need it for any reason. I appreciated it. He wasn't always great at showing he cared, so offering his medical expertice was like the closest he could get to it. It was nice, one of the first times I really felt fully accepted in Gandharva Ville, as a Forest Ranger, and as a friend of Tighnari's. He never acknowledged them again though, sounds like him to be honest pfft.

I don't remember anyone else's reactions right now. But I can probably guess how some would react. (Diluc and Cyno protectiveness Im 100% confident in that guess)

I hope to remember more. Maybe I'll get some more mems when I get around to drawing them out.

~Razor Minci 🕯♟(Please leave last name out of tags thank you)

P.S. Man I really cant stop submitting massive walls of text in this ask box huh- I know mpc typically likes all the text but I am so sorry to the followers, these gotta get annoying to scroll through xD

=

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #razorkin #genshinimpactkin #scars cw #face trauma cw #burns cw #injuries cw #arm trauma cw #mod party cat

[kingisuu]

my art struggles :)

i have been struggling with art as of like december i think?

Let me tell you like, around last year i was rll happy drawing, like i would just draw pictures i thought looked good without giving much thought to my process and at that time i just thought i would improve over time. After like a while, i thought that i needed to change things up because i was tired of how my pieces looked.

After draining dry my friends for advice and critiques, i decided to search up on youtube. Up to that point, i only really followed art tutorials that my friends gave me and nothing else. But then i discovered a lot of art youtubers like Ethan Becker or Samdoesarts, basically the current youtube art stars. I really liked their content and i learned a lot by them. But thats where like my problem started appearing.

Like i undestand those videos are very helpful for people who are completely clueless about drawing, but those videos pressured me a lot. They were making pointers like using references ( i didnt even know what a reference was ), thinking about the silluette, separating the body in specific shapes and all around adding more and more rules to something i thought i had somewhat started to figure out. I’m not in any way saying these tips aren’t important, but like after knowing these things, all i could do was find those mistakes in my artwork.

So what i did, was that i worked on everything at once and tried to implement everything into my art style. Long story short, it didn’t work at all and it resulted in me not being able to finish any piece i created, because i just didnt have any attatchment to it. Every sketch i made felt like miles away from the previous one and together with school and my desire to want a consistent art style, i kinda broke down for a while. At these times most people would take a break from art and thats what i did, believing that what i had was art block. In reality, the breaks i took didnt work and i kept drawing the same and still judging it very harshly.

Just a heads up, i didn’t just take advice from just 1 or 2 youtubers, i took from like 6 , everyone with a drastically different art style, which didn’t blend in with the previous one. I was thinking of the silluette of a character while at the same time wanting to do realistic shading to make it look more 3D, as well trying to implement as many colors as possible, and the cherry on top is that i started to paint, which meant i had to do so much rendering to the point that the piece looked completely different from the sketch and not good at all. Im not saying what i was aiming for was impossible, but i am saying that it was difficult for me.

To be honest, i still don’t think i can give up my harsh judgement to my art. Even when i just sit and draw out of my head i never like the piece and think its not good enough. It feels like im doing too stylized work and that it will seem like i haven’t improved at all from like my early days of digital art, where the pieces were horrible. Saying that, i have tried finding an in between with semi-realism, but i didnt like that either.

Its safe to say that the critique system on my art has been destroyed and i don’t know what is right for me or what is wrong. I have thought about giving it up, but to be honest when i sit down and look at art works, it just makes me want to draw even more, so yeah it seems like im not going anywhere lol.

This is already a very long post but idc, here’s also a persona drawing without using any references. Anyways, what i wanted to say and i will see how this develops from here

#art #artists on tumblr #art struggles #art problems #digital art #fuckthisisverysoft

[godshideouscreation]

Sorry this secret is long, every time I try to rewrite it this happens, dont feel obligated to post this I just keep seeing your tag and this is the biggest albatross around my neck no contest, so... *deep inhale*

I had a really rough falling out with a long time online friend. It was a few years ago at this point but it hit me really hard. In retrospect it was a pretty toxic friendship, I loved them to pieces, and they only Sometimes reciprocated when it was convenient for them, and whenever it wasnt they spoke as if I meant nothing to them and always recontextualized our whole history. I kick myself for ignoring all their red flags.

The final straw was the last time we tried to hang out in-person. It was the 2nd time I was visiting, last time was fun so I was excited. I had been talking with them and their partner and we were gonna hook up and it was all chill, but at Some Point in the months before my visit something changed their mind and they just...didnt tell me. I still have no idea why, after Years of plantonic friendship and honestly not even That much sexual stuff (we'd go months and months with no nsfw talk or pics or anything it was fine that was obviously Not why I was friends with them) and suddenly they accuse me of being some kinda sex pest. The kicker: I Was in-fact able to correctly read the room and didnt attempt to have sex with either of them, but I didnt read it well enough.

When I got to their place I immediately felt the vibes, and knew I wasnt gonna be up to anything. But like Oh Well I just wanted a chill weekend with my bestie. They never brought Anything up with me so I said to myself "maybe that other local friend they were complaining about recently pissed them off and theyre stressed out, im sure if it was something serious they'd tell me." I Should Not Have Been Sure Of This.

So while I knew they didnt want to fuck, I had no idea they didnt want Any kind of affection or platonic touch from me anymore, and it wasnt until A Week After I Left I DM'd them asking why they were being so cold and distant wit me and they Finally told me how uncomfortable I apparently made them and their partner the whole weekend. They went the Whole Weekend pretending they were having a grand ol' time and could have absolutely at ANY point tell me "Hey actually Im not feeling super touchey right now" and like Boom Problem Solved We Are All Adults Please Communicate With Me.

Again, why after Years of open honesty and communication from me they suddenly accused me of only wanting sex from them and of doing predatory shit to them and their partner when they made No attempt to re-establish their new boundaries with me before or during my trip.

Honestly in that moment I was too emotional and freaked out to have a very healthy conversation with them. It was a long ugly back and forth but I was finally like I cant do this. We cant be friends. And we parted on Supposedly Amicable terms cuz like weve both had friend-break-ups before lets see how we feel down the road, but like the closeness is Gone for sure.

Even Then they still werent being honest. I actually blocked them on social media for a while just to cool my head and not have to see them. But when I tried to follow them again THATS when them and all their closest friends blocked me which was very ???? to me. Smash-cut to last year I had a friend DM me, Thankfully after I had already left twitter cuz fuck twitter (i am sadly back on twitter 😒...), saying my now ex-friend was painting the whole ordeal as an attempted sexual assault or whatever. When I wasnt even trying to fuck that whole time!!

They have a lot of trauma in their past that isnt mine to share, and I Dont so I always deferred to them on it, trusted they werent abusing that victimization to escape their responsibility as an adult to be more communicative with me, but I have other people in my life with similar pasts who assured me later "No, thats no excuse, they cant blame everyone else on their own social problems, fuck that." I spent a whole year losing sleep over the ordeal. WAS it my fault? Was SOME of it my fault? Was NONE of it my fault? Was it Anyone's fault??? I'll probably never have a satisfying answer.

But since then Ive transitioned and dont even look the same or go by the same name, but still have some friends we shared and hang out in a couple online social circles where I hear about their partner sometimes who lied to me even harder than they did about still being cool with me when they absolutely were not (when I told them they never said they didnt want to have sex, they brought up when they told me they were on their period and THAT was supposed to be my only hint, even tho they pretended to be really broken up about it as-if we'd have fucked otherwise????? Childish, anyway). Im always slightly paranoid they'll stumble upon me and realize who I am and try to force me into hiding or whatever when I've done literally nothing to them since they blocked me. Because apparently their version of what happened only got worse since then, so clearly they hold a grudge, and Im just some random trans bitch online minding my own business.

Normally I'd write it off as paranoia, but as you can tell just from this one example, and there Are other stories, any time I wrote off a hyper specific fear of them not telling me something as just paranoia and would eventually confront them about it, itNever was and they would always make my fears be true. They Always prove me right. They really fucked with my head...

Again, sorry for the length, it all just comes falling out of me when I try to be brief about it all.

It's okay! I really hope that venting about stuff has given you some slight piece of mind. I've met a lot of people online over the years and to keep it short, I'll just say that not all of them are what they seem. A lot of my friendships were really fucking one sided. They weren't genuine, people lied to me and used me for whatever. It definitely sucks when people hold grudges or make up lies about you, I've been in that boat before too. But the people who know you, know that you're not that kind of person. You have to have faith in the people around you.. Idk people present this persona online but like, we're all different from how we present ourselves online. It's weird to be friends with grown ass adult people who don't know how to honestly and openly communicate though. Some people legitimately do not have those skills. And I hope that you get to keep your peace now that you're not talking to those people anymore. Hopefully they won't recognize you since transition and if they do, they just stfu and leave you alone! You know your truth & all you can do is live with it. Know that you're better off without those people. Don't be sorry and you can always come in my ask box to vent! Sometimes we don't get closure on a subject and the best thing we can do is give ourselves the closure of not thinking about it or worrying about it anymore. I know it's easier said than done though 😅

#tell me your secrets

[highpoly]

here's my modeling summary YIPPEE... for like most of these i found myself shocked that they happened This Year... like what do you mean sionia (hi damien) was finished back in april...

well anyways... my thoughts on modeling, the lessons i've learned, my relationship to art, and more... it is probably going to be long and personal towards the end but i hope i can share something for all of you...

i realized i'm not sure where i could start. HAJDSFHAJSDF i was gonna talk about each model but i think that it'd make this post too long and i think it's actually better to just get into the lessons i've learned

and with that said i'd like to talk about RIGGING! it has always plagued me but i realized you could just parent the object/mesh to the armature and hit automatic weights in blender and then you'll just have to adjust after. like i actually feel like an idiot doing a lot of my rigging manually and i know Technically you're gonna have to do manual work anyways because i just said you'll have to adjust after it does the process in blender but like. my rigs were hilariously bad HJRGJFHDG like i didnt realize there was an easier way... until past sakura miku there... which btw still proud of that one even if it was a little silly with the rig there. i think if anything doing all that manual rigging did prepare me for the adjusting i'd eventually would have to do with automatic weight painting.

i'd say other aspects of rigging like physics and adding shapekeys/expressions are all pretty easy to me. well more so shapekeys, physics is still kinda hell but not bad. at least i'm not intimidated by them compared to when i was first starting out. i still find myself just doing the same old trick of using animasa's bone setup and then importing that to blender so not much has changed there tbh. if anything i just add upperbody2 manually and 0 bones for fingers and that's it... which by the way... a little tip for anybody getting into modeling just subdivide the bones so you dont go crazy and then adjust after.

also a little ahead of myself here... giving you a Glimpse into my new year plans but i also learned how topology and the amount of vertices you have can affect rigging a bit too. you don't want too much or too little but i added a bit more loops to my upcoming utena and anthy models and they deform better so i feel happy about that too. as an example, the legs would deform bad but after adding loop cuts at the hips area the lowerbody and upperleg bones are weight painted automatically much more nicely so now the legs deform better.

another thing i'm proud of is for my vtuber model, i got to paint and actually shade my textures. what i mean by that is, if you couldn't tell, all my models are mainly flat with the exception of the eyes being really detailed but other than that things would just be flat with no shading at all but i'm glad i got to actually challenge myself this year. i also went asset hunting on clip studio paint for some brushes so that was nice. i also got used to that program a little more too so i'm happy. i hope i can do it more in the future because it's actually kinda fun as freak HRJHGJFG

well anyways, i think i'll get a little personal here now and i hope i won't be too overbearing. but i realize since i don't really have much for myself but art i guess i should keep going at it. i was organizing my files on my computer not too long ago and when i took a look at my art folder i realized i've been doing all this 3d modeling stuff since 2020 and it is now 2023 and soon it will be 2024. i have not had income since this pandemic has began and not gonna lie... i feel stressed because if an emergency happens, i'm not gonna be prepared for it. and it's kinda hard to not stress about that. idk i just wish this pandemic didn't happen because i felt like i could still work some bad job while pursuing on the side and i'd be fine with that and i'd live comfortably but. well. we're here now. and when this pandemic started i was rushed into this so in some ways i feel inadequate

but! i realize i have came a long way. i didn't think i'd do this but it's been fun modeling. it's fun to shape, it's fun to model because to me it feels like a puzzle. although i know i could be better at rigging, it's fun to rig anyways. i would make jokes about how i hate texturing, but once you uv unwrap and clean up the islands after, it's actually really nice. i also got to animate a bit in MMD this year, i did some video editing as well in davinci resolve, and i also got to practice creating normal maps with my symphony miku model earlier this year.

when i look back at this, i guess i am being hard on myself. i have made progress and i do enjoy making art. i enjoyed learning the new skills this year too especially since i challenged myself to render something in blender for the first time and editing the render in clip studio paint. it feels good to finish projects.

i guess i hate how hard life is and i hope i can have income soon. the income part is my biggest issue. there are somethings i have thought about in regards to making money... but idk. i definitely do see myself opening commissions one day though.

so uhm... i guess i'll end this off with my artistic resolutions for this upcoming year...

sculpt more next year

paint/texture more it's fun

rig better

release more models? (or probably just keep it to oomfs only most likely)

remake my models

take my time

research more

learn more

render in blender more

stop being hard on yourself

thanks for reading, i hope my writing was bearable and i hope i made sense. RHJGHFJG but i also hope this new year will be good for everyone too. thanks again and love you all YAAAS

#xyz.log #myart