#and people on twitter on both sides REALLY aren’t helping discussion

[radfae]

this is genuinely upsetting. how much longer are women not only going to be complacent in but actively encourage misogyny?

#i mean the post is just weird and wrong in the first place #and there’s a lot to pick apart about how it’s contradictory #and people on twitter on both sides REALLY aren’t helping discussion #but i’m just saddest about this :/ #they think it’s okay because it’s not happening to them #but they don’t realize that this affects us all #it’s not that they even think misogyny is acceptable against evil or bigoted women (most of them anyway) #it’s that they don’t even recognize what is and isn’t misogyny anymore #we’ve gone too long suppressing feminists and we’re feeling the effects #and now they can’t even call out when someone is going against women #why do you think that cain deleted that post? because there was something wrong with it #he KNOWS that he is being brash and speaking out of turn #he KNOWS that that post will get him called out #he KNOWS he did something wrong #:/

[luckysevenn]

We are all exposed to media, aren’t we? I know that you already know what media is and I realized that media is so powerful. Media is the plural form of medium, which refers to any channel of communication. This can include anything from printed paper to digital data, as well as art, news, educational content, and a variety of other types of information. Phones, television, and the Internet are all examples of media. The term "media" in the context of informatics refers to both the tools used to store data (such as hard drives, CD-ROMs, diskettes, etc.) and the tools used to transport it (such as cables and wires) or even spread it in its various forms (videos, sounds, podcasts, etc.). The media are expanding more and more toward this field's digital side in the modern era. All types of electronic communication that are sent across the globe via computer networks and fiber optic cables are considered modern digital media. The Internet and social media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.) are two examples of contemporary media that have profoundly altered our world. (Techopedia, 2020) Have you ever think about its impact on your daily life? Because I do.

Out of all kinds of media, modern digital media is my favorite specifically the social media app named Instagram. I really like its features. There, I am able to capture, edit, and share photos, videos, and messages to my family and friends. I enjoyed interacting with the people there especially my friends and I usually hang out together so we have a lot of good pictures to share. Whenever I had a free time, I spend it on this application. I am more active here than the rest of social media accounts I have. The impact of this app to me is unbelievable. It makes me so happy communicating with people and looking back at the memories we shared by the photos I have posted. It is powerful but the most powerful media that I know is Facebook. Like, do you know how many people are using it? In July 2022, Facebook had 2.934 billion monthly active users, making it the most "active" social media site in the world. (The Latest Facebook Statistics: Everything You Need to Know, n.d.) That is a lot, isn't it? The media has benefits and drawbacks. I think it varies from person to person. The effect it has on our lives reflects the type of users we are. If we are responsible enough, in my opinion, it is undoubtedly a huge help in our lives. Media in our country is beneficial. Especially on social media, television, and cable, media enables faster dissemination of knowledge and information. I believe that compared to previous years, newspapers and magazines are not in demand anymore. But sadly, I suddenly find the big media disturbing. Many people have complained about frauds. We must take extreme caution, particularly given the large number of social media users in our nation. The US media is more widespread than the Philippine media, t 97.84% of US households have televisions, compared to 63% in the Philippines. In terms of the number of internet subscribers, the US ranked number 22 while the Philippines came in at rank 115. The significant difference is immediately apparent. (Philippines Vs United States: Media Facts and Stats, n.d.) I came to the conclusion from our discussion that media and information literacy is the foundation for understanding media and its function in our society. I expected that I would be able to apply everything that I will learn in this course to my personal life. Media is powerful and so are we. Don’t let media control us, let’s control them responsibly.

References Techopedia. (2020, December 23). Media. Techopedia.com. Retrieved September 20, 2022, from https://www.techopedia.com/definition/1098/media The Latest Facebook Statistics: Everything You Need to Know. (n.d.). DataReportal – Global Digital Insights. Retrieved September 20, 2022, from https://datareportal.com/essential-facebook-stats Philippines vs United States: Media Facts and Stats. (n.d.). Retrieved September 20, 2022, from https://www.nationmaster.com/country-info/compare/Philippines/United-States/Media

[race-week]

So you want to start learning about the technical side of F1?

Where do you start?

Well here I guess.

This has been something in the works for some time; I’ve had a few messages about people asking for recommendations and thought that I would compile everything into one document. I’ve tried to provide links where I can as well.

‘Free’ Resources

- The first thing I’d recommend is the technical and sporting regulations but I wouldn’t recommend you trying to read them end to end as they’d be very dull but whenever you see one of them referenced in a stewards document look it up and try to get an understanding of the background. You’ll soon have a pretty solid understanding of all the main infringements.

- Free Practice Sessions; I know they aren’t technically free but…

Genuinely if you can find a stream for a FP session there is usually quite good information about the track characteristics as well as the tyre strategies, who usually goes well here, etc (depending on your commentators)

- Youtube; for technical information I would recommend ChainBear and for motorsport history CYMotorsport both are absolutely incredible and really accessible for new viewers. Also on Sky Sports F1’s YouTube they often post the Sky Pad clips and I would recommend watching these if you don’t get them in your feed as they can bring a really good insight about the different lines that drivers take into a corner amongst other things.

- Podcasts; F1Nation - they usually do really great race previews and race reviews which let you know what to look out for, not super technical but good background knowledge. Also Autosport have a very good podcast called “F1 and More” where they do a similar thing but also have practice and qualifying reviews.

- F1 Website; honestly it sounds simple but take a look at some of the articles on the F1 website if you have time, especially the Tech Tuesday ones, as well as their Tech Talk series of videos. They actually have a lot of really interesting analysis videos and articles on there. They also usually go through the strategy options before a race. There is also a glossary of all the key F1 terms here. Also keep an eye out for whenever Ross Brawn does an article.

F1TV; yes another one that isn’t technically free but I’m sure you can find these elsewhere. Jolyon Palmers analysis, honestly these are so great post race where he looks back over the key moments and is able to give both a drivers insight as well as a more technical insight. I especially love it when he shows the telemetry data. There is also more in-depth Tech-Talk videos on here and they are really interesting.

- Reddit; I know F1 Reddit can sometimes be quite gatekeepy but its actually getting better; there’s the main r/Formula1 page and there’s also r/F1technical which is really interesting and also has a lot of technical discussions but they aren’t overly complex and people there are a lot more willing to explain things. This is where I often get a lot of news about upgrades and stuff from as I rarely use Twitter.

Books

This is where I actually started and a lot of the books I read were quite old as I either bought them second hand or borrowed them from my dad, but here we go

- Adrian Newey “How to Build a Car” this is one of my favourites as it’s part autobiography, part technical book and it goes through his years working for different teams and the regulation changes that took place. If you don’t know Adrian Newey is Red Bull’s chief aerodynamicist and helped design all of their cars for many years.

- Steve Matchett “The Mechanics Tale” less technical but this tells the story of an F1 mechanic through the years, and gives more background into the world of F1 as a whole.

- David Tremayne “The Science of Formula 1 Design” and “The Science of Speed” his books on F1 are really incredible and informative but not in a stuffy way; they are easy to pick up and read.

- Giorgio Piola “Formula 1 Technical Analysis” there are so many of these books, they used to come out annually but it’s the illustrations in these books that make them so special. Real photos are never used and instead there’s incredibly realistic drawings of all the cars as well as that years regulation changes. I’ve got the year that all the cars had the proboscis noses (the dick nosed cars) and yet he’s made them look beautiful and the information is so helpful if you are interested in a particular year. He actually does a lot of work with motorsport now, on technical analysis still creating beautiful illustrations

- Ross Brawn “Total Competition” this is a real interesting look into F1 strategy and creating a championship winning team but also looks into the business side of F1 as well.

- Derek Seward “Race Car Design” a little more like a textbook, I’ve read extracts of it and it has been really interesting. This one is more engineering heavy though.

- Haynes Manual “Red Bull Racing F1 Car” this takes an in-depth look at the Red Bull RB6, it’s so interesting but it’s not really dumbed down but it’s still a relatively simple read. I think this is one of the first ones I acquired and it’s still one of my favourites.

#f1 #f1 resource

[quaranmine]

I think one of the main reasons I'm annoyed about the buildmart discourse this time around is that it feels like it's overshadowing Orange's win? And buildmart discourse pops up all the time, and I know most people discussing it do in fact think Orange got a deserved win. You shouldn't have to put a disclaimer on your buildmart discourse posts that you think Orange deserved to win, but people are getting the wrong implications and it's causing friction.

But I think one of the reasons it's so bad this time, is because of the timing. It feels dismissive to all of the Grian fans, who are overjoyed, because Grian in particular is good at the game and his viewers normally like it and Grian finally won. So people are on edge--when severe buildmart discourse pops up immediately after someone good at it wins, us Grian fans feel like there's an implication that Orange didn't deserve to win or they only won because of it. And, while I don't review statistics, I don't believe that's true--Orange were in either 1st, 2nd, or 3rd basically the entire event. Grian never left the top 10 the whole time. They popped off and I truly think they could've won without BM.

But when you're looking at rancid tumblr discourse, you got to realize that the pro-buildmart side is on the defensive. They feel talked over and ignored because their fave players are normally ones who don't get the highest views or do the best at pvp games. Dream is allowed an opinion on the game, and I know he doesn't control his fans, but his timing is pretty bad this time because he has a HUGE fanbase on twitter who is already upset he lost and looking for something to blame. They're his fans so they're empathetic to his frustration, but not all express it well. As a result there ARE people on twitter saying the Orange didn't deserve to win. There ARE people whining and being rude in the qrts of the winner announcement. There ARE people accusing Scott of being biased and keeping buildmart only because he's good at it, despite him not controlling games. There ARE people who sent death threats to Quig for wanting buildmart (and proof exists.) There ARE people who consistently belittle the hermits and make fun of them, and sometimes when you're a fan of them or smaller streamers it feels like you're fighting for your life to get some recognition in the face of the wider fanbase. People aren't upset over nothing.

I also think Dream made a mistake mentioning Grian by name in his comment--we can argue all day whether or not his points were right, I'm not talking about that, but i think the timing of it right after Grian's win was poor because it set off a wave of people belittling the win or saying he only won because of BM. It drags Grian and his fanbase directly into the discourse when they're at peak excitement, and thus they go on the defense. They accuse Dream of being a sore loser. I think Dream should've waited until a day or two later and it might be better, but I genuinely don't know since we've become so polarized as a fandom. And it didn't help that Sapnap literally called people pussies for not wanting pvp games (implying that being bad at pvp makes you a pussy.) I hope he intended it as a joke but it just came off as incredibly rude and Hbomb rightfully called him on it. That attitude is one everyone feels they're fighting against when they're fans of non-pvpers. Sapnap obviously isn't Dream and Dream doesn't control what his friends say, but the Dream Team "brand" is strong enough that what any single member says will reflect onto all of them in some people's eyes. Whether or not that should be the case I'm not arguing, I'm just stating how I've seen people view it.

So the issue is that we're both at severe odds to each other and nobody is getting anywhere in this discourse. People who like buildmart feel attacked and on the defensive, because it gets used to belittle their faves and the CCs who dislike the game have much larger fanbases to argue against. They feel the games inclusion gives an opportunity for non-pvp players to shine, and worry that if it gets removed, it'll put MCC one step closer to being catered to pvpers. I'm not arguing whether or not this logic is sound, I'm just explaining what I perceive to be the issue. It's also worth saying that Dream fans also feel attacked and on the defensive. Dream is a large CC who's been in a lot of controversies (and we're not gonna discuss his faults in that) and as such, his name gets dragged through the mud a lot. He has the largest fanbase but also the largest amount of hate. He also takes most heat from outside the fandom--most people who "hate mcyt" actually just hate Dream. People who are fans of CCs other than Dream benefit from this shield, but Dream stans get hate from all sides. Therefore, it becomes really easy to interpret any crit on Dream as hate that needs to be defended against. So that side of the fandom is on the defensive too.

So we go in circles on this discourse. "Everybody hates it and it adds no value to the event." No, not everyone hates it--and those who don't hate it aren't only Grian or hermits either, they include people like Hbomb and Shubble and Fruitberries and other CCs. Does it add value? People argue all day over that and I won't get into in my post. People have widely differing opinions on it and I don't actually think there is a right answer, despite everyone arguing like there is one. Is the game ableist? Absolutely not, and i can't believe we got discourse over that. Is it still possibly causing issues for some neurodivergent CCs who dislike it and overwhelming them? Sure, it totally could be! I can see how it might mess with Dream's ADHD and make it hard for him, thus making him hate it, although people should stop speaking for him on his own experiences and saying it's definitively the case. Maybe something can be tweaked to help that. But remember that accessibility and neurodivergence is varied and there is no "one size fits all." I've seen just as many ND fans saying that buildmart causes no problems for them as I have ND fans saying it overwhelms them. There's no simple right answer to most of these questions brought up in discourse.

So what's the answer? I don't know. I don't know and I cannot speak for everyone. But I do know it hurt really badly to be so excited for Grian's win, only to watch my dash plummet into some of the most hateful discourse I've ever seen.

#mcc #grian #discourse #negative #dream critical #frankly idk if this counts as dream critical since i straight up defended him and his fans in parts of it #but i'll be eaten alive if i dont tag it #sapnap critical #please please dont make this post into a huge argument i tried to make it level headed and reasonable #and still explain my feelings #long post

[ao3commentoftheday]

I’m one of the more prominent authors in a very talented and prolific fandom (my fics are the ones with the most kudos and comments). A lesser-known but celebrated author gifted me a really well-written fic and I was so grateful and emotional I made a big deal about it on my twitter, where I have a lot of followers. It looked like an endorsement and that fic got a lot of hits too. Another author, who’s just started out, gifted me a fic too, but I didn’t like it very much (the ship and style are not what usually read), so I left a long comment thanking them a lot for being so kind and praising their story but didn’t publicly express my appreciation on twitter like I did with the other. This second writer got mad at me and subtweted me that I, a “big” writer, only promote and help other “big” writers be successful and make it harder for everyone else. This sprawled into a broader discussion about how famous authors only hype each other and how selfish it is to only encourage readership of fics that are already created under conditions that ensure they’ll be successful regardless—i.e. written by authors who don’t need “boosting.” I don’t know whether I should speak up—I’d be lying if I said I liked that 2nd fic but it kills me inside that in expressing my appreciation of one but not the other I hurt this 2nd author so much. At the same time, I’m unsure if reaching out to them would be wise. They don’t seem to like me much now, and I’m afraid telling them what I truly believe—every fic makes someone’s day and means a lot to somebody—would sound condescending. I also don’t think I should necessarily apologize because I don’t know what I’d be apologizing for. I think I’ll hurt their feelings even more or potentially insult them if I disclose why I didn’t like their fic and suggest, for an example, that they get a beta, which is what I believe would really improve their storytelling. I don’t know what to do here but being painted as a villain and seeing others discuss boycotting me and other “big” writers is really gutting and making me wonder if I should just abandon this fandom and start over somewhere else. Sorry for the long rant-ish ask—I didn’t know who else to turn to with this question.

While you probably did hurt their feelings from the sound of things, you also didn’t do anything wrong. Whether you’re a popular author or someone no one ever heard of, it’s your choice how you react to stories. Even ones that are gifted to you. 

You received a gift fic and you left a comment on it. That’s all that’s required in the unwritten rules of fandom etiquette. If that second author hoped to receive the same treatment as the first author, then I understand their disappointment of course but that doesn’t mean that their conclusions were the right ones. 

When people are hurt, they can be unfair. When jealousy is a factor (as it might be in this case), accusations can be made. While it’s true that Big Name Fans have a wider reach and get more attention, they weren’t always Big Name Fans. They won’t always remain that way either. 

If you want to repair the relationship with that second author, then talking to them privately is the best way to go. But wait until they’ve calmed down from their anger and their hurt first. If the hurt is still fresh, you will almost certainly sound condescending. In fact, even after they’re past those emotions you might still. 

You’re points are true but the fact that they’re coming from you will make them harder to hear and believe. You’ll sound less sincere talking about how comments aren’t a measure of success just because of the fact that you get lots of comments.

The fans that you’re seeing talking about boycotting you aren’t all of the fans in the whole fandom. They’re similarly frustrated or they’re siding with friends - both natural human responses. They’ll get over it or they won’t. The only person whose reaction you can control in this situation is yourself, though. 

Give it a little time and see if things cool down a bit. Right now tempers are hot and that has a tendency to make a situation feel worse. You don’t have to make any decisions about leaving just yet. See how you feel once things are a bit calmer and go from there. 

#asks and answers #Anonymous

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (August 11/2020) - Maybe this is why you shouldn’t do musicals

Tommy performs a solo of Hamilton while held at gunpoint and wins over Dream with the power of music before war breaks out over a horse corpse after a rendition of “Blitz” by Technoblade leads to murder.

Meanwhile, Fundy hatches an evil plot and steals the throne of the Dream SMP kingdom with Jack Manifold’s help before getting into trouble over a kidnapped bee. Tubbo becomes a lawyer, be careful.

L’Lawyerberg is founded...L’awyerberg?

The server also gained a new member: Quackity! 

A large portion of the day’s events take place in Shakespearean English. 

Enjoy.

---

VOD LINKS:

Ponk

Fundy (August 11 is the correct date)

Tubbo

Tommy

Tommy (Quackity segment)

Skeppy

Thunder1408

Eret

---

- Fundy starts off in his underground base. 

Fundy: Me is at thyn’t base

Tubbo: L’manburg?

Fundy: Otherly speaking, that which is owned by myself

- Fundy meets Tubbo on the Prime Path. He puts back on his L’manburg outfit, and Tubbo declares him no longer a rebellious teen

- They go over to Tommy’s home, which has been turned into Hell, and Tubbo builds Dream. Fundy shrinks Dream significantly. They then proceed to the L’manburgian docks before heading back.

Tubbo: “Where is Jack Manifold?”

Fundy: “Where isn’t Jack Manifold?”

Tubbo: “That’s the question on everyone’s mind.”

Fundy: “Who is Jack Manifold?”

Tubbo: “No, everyone knows who Jack Manifold is, just where is what we really want to know.”

Fundy: “...Why is Jack Manifold?”

- Fundy carves Herobrine into Skeppy’s leaf roof before making it a creeper

- Fundy tells Tubbo about his evil plan. He’s been researching law, and has come up with a plan to use a law from the Netherlands to gain legal ownership of any property they want. They decide to steal the throne.

Enter Dream.

Fundy: How go’st thy?

- At the castle throne room, Tommy joins the call to briefly shout at Tubbo that Shroud is coming back on Twitch before leaving.

- Fundy turns around and finds himself face to face with Dream, who is standing there menacingly.

- Fundy kills Tubbo and Dream kills Fundy

Enter TommyInnit.

- After returning to the castle, Tubbo and Fundy have the idea to put on a Shakespearean play. Dream is there with his pet dog. Tubbo assigns Dream the role of Macbeth, since he kills a lot of people. 

Enter Skeppy.

- Dream kills Charles. He’s getting into character. Fundy congratulates him on his successful audition.

- Tommy joins the call to ask why his base has been turned into the Nether. Fundy and Tubbo tell him that they’re doing a show.They quickly build a theater stage near the Community House.

- Skeppy joins the call and they fill him in on the plan too.

Enter Thunder1408.

- Jack Manifold has transformed into Dream. He turns back into himself and arrives at the Community House.

- They begin the performance of Macbeth. Tommy ends up lip-reading for Tubbo and Fundy by speaking behind them while they nod their heads.

- Dream and Skeppy ride away in a boat together, leaving them with no audience. Tommy frantically performs for Fundy before swapping to his own part, then back to Fundy again.

(The only person in the audience now is Tubbo)

Tommy: (at rapid speed) “As whence the sun 'gins his reflection, shipwrecking storms and direful thunders break, so from that spring whence comfort seem'd to come, discomfort swells. Mark, king of Scotland, mark: No sooner justice had with valour arm'd, compell'd these skipping kerns to trust their heels, But the Norweyan lord surveying vantage, with furbish'd arms and new supplies of men began a fresh assault.”

- Dream, Jack and Skeppy return to watch. Dream pays Tommy a diamond. Tommy continues performing Macbeth solo.

- Dream is enjoying the performance so much he starts having a heart attack

- Tommy points out they would get much more money if they did Hamilton instead.

- Tommy performs a full solo of “Alexander Hamilton” from the hit show Hamilton. Dream shoots Tubbo to death off the stage. Tommy continues the performance, unfazed.

Thunder1408 from up yonder, hath fell to their death.

Skeppy from up yonder, hath fell to their death.

(Tommy keeps rapping)

- Tommy and Tubbo sing while getting attacked by zombies. As they finish the song, Dream throws them several diamonds.

- Tommy tells Tubbo and Fundy that they’ve just started the showbiz business! Skeppy comes over and asks if he can invest. They decide to name it “Pathway.”

Tubbo: “We’re being told to do Heathers. What’s ‘Heathers?’”

- Dream comes over to meet them at Tommy’s Nether house. He offers to fix Tommy’s base for five diamonds. Tommy pays him and he gets to work.

Tommy: “Dream seems to be my friend now. Have I convinced him with the power of song?”

Tubbo: “Well I mean, not until you try to get your discs back.”

- Jack comes over and Tubbo murders him for being against the showbiz business.

- They discuss the future of the showbiz business as an asset to L’manburg. They start thinking of other musicals to do. Tommy only knows Little Shop of Horrors.

- Tommy tells them that they should do a flash mob to promote their new business. He suggests singing “Blitz - Parody of “Blank Space” (has swearing) by Technoblade to appeal to the Technoblade fan club -- namely, Dream and Skeppy.

- They chase after Skeppy and Jack and start a flashmob by aggressively singing Blitz at them. Tubbo then murders Skeppy.

- Fundy leaves. Tommy and Tubbo speak with Skeppy, who is furious.

Skeppy: “I have something you guys can never have.”

Tubbo: “Good spirit?”

- Tommy and Tubbo head to Skeppy’s house.

Skeppy: “Where are you? I’m gonna burn it.”

- They ask what it is that Skeppy has that’s so valuable.

Skeppy: “It’s labelled ‘Spirit...’”

- Skeppy is holding a piece of leather. Tubbo realizes, but Tommy is confused as Dream freaks out in chat.

- Skeppy was going to invest the leather into their business, but not anymore. Skeppy says goodbye. Tommy and Tubbo decide to join Dream’s side to keep him favorable to the showbusiness.

Tommy: “There’s another war, and me and you aren’t...”

Tubbo: “Aren’t what? On the L’manburg side?”

Tommy: “No, we’re on the Showbiz side now, Tubbo. That’s our new side.”

- They meet with Dream, who is still working on Tommy’s base.

Dream: That is the remains of my horse :(

Dream: Its like your disc to me

- An explosion goes off at Tommy’s house as Skeppy sets off a creeper and dies. Tommy tells Skeppy to give them Spirit

Skeppy: “Listen, I’m not looking for another war, okay? I just -- I came after the war, I came when it was all peaceful! I’m not here to start the war!”

Tommy: “Skeppy, okay okay -- here’s a better way of phrasing it: get it out, or we’re going to destroy everything you ever once loved.”

- They threaten to get rid of the number 14, then chase after Skeppy. Tommy shoots and kills him.

Dream: Skeppy. 

Skeppy: Yes my lorde

Dream: Can I have my dead horse’s leather please

- Dream is still placing dirt. 

- They bicker with Skeppy some more at Skeppy’s house. Tommy and Tubbo decide to hold him hostage. Skeppy asks why they even want the leather. Tommy replies, to gain Dream’s trust. 

- Dream tells Skeppy that he would kill both of them for the leather. Tommy and Tubbo start running to L’manburg. Skeppy invites Dream to speak with him and says that he doesn’t like them. Dream asks for the leather.

Skeppy: “You remember everything that we talked about a couple days ago, where I’m like ‘that was uncalled for, why did you go to war with them? Like, that was stupid, they didn’t even do anything wrong?’ I take everything I said back, you were COMPLETELY in the right, they were idiots, you should’ve blown up MORE of their house! I take everything back, they’re fucking-- Come to my house, I’ll give you the leather...can we go to war again? Is that on your mind?”

- They negotiate over the transfer of the leather, suspicious of the other scamming them. Skeppy knows they might just log off, and he wants them dead now.

- Dream tells Skeppy that he does have something important to them:

The discs.

- Skeppy suggests they trade the leather for the two discs.

Dream: “Skeppy, it’s too valuable!”

Skeppy: “More valuable than your horse? Huh, wow, shows how much you care--”

Dream: “Equally valuable! Equally valuable!”

Skeppy: “So if it’s equal, it’s an equal trade then. I’ll trade you right now.”

- Dream says he’ll trade Skeppy one of the discs, but Skeppy insists on two.

Dream: “Well, it only matters really to Tommy, but Tubbo is like Tommy’s...son? So.”

- Skeppy says he’d settle for one with added riches. Dream says they should return to his house, but on the Prime Path Tommy and Tubbo come running to attack. Skeppy dies and respawns at Dream’s house again. Dream kills Tommy and the battle continues just outside Dream’s house between Dream, Tommy, Tubbo and Jack Manifold.

- They join a call together. Dream tells Tommy that he hasn’t given anything away yet, but he’ll trade one of the discs for it.

Tommy: “Why?”

Dream: “Because I NEED my horse’s leather back! It’s from my horse’s dead body!”

- Part of the deal is that the disc can’t be damaged. He’ll give away Cat.

Dream: “Tommy, I HAVE to do it! One disc!"

- He doesn’t care who he gets the leather from. Tommy has one day to get the leather back from Skeppy, but Tommy says that he’ll be visiting Tubbo the next day and can’t spend the day at war.

- Dream leaves and Tommy goes to negotiate with Skeppy. He pulls out the ultimate weapon -- Skeppy’s tweets.

- #skeppyisoverparty and #tommyisoverparty both start trending on Twitter.

- Tommy and Tubbo admire Dream’s handiwork on repairing Tommy’s house, then continue negotiating with Skeppy.

- Tommy and Tubbo realize that it would be a lot easier to take the disc back from Skeppy than Dream and tell Skeppy to give Dream the leather. 

- Skeppy tells Dream he’ll give him the leather for two discs. Tommy tells Dream he has his approval. They go back and forth over one vs. two discs.

- Tommy invites Skeppy back to VC.

Tommy: “Skeppy, meet Big Q!”

“Skeppy?! SKEPPY?! Remember when you invited me on a video and I said no?!”

- Quackity tries his best to intimidate Skeppy. It doesn’t work. Skeppy leaves to continue working on his house.

- Skeppy rejoins the call to hear Tommy and Tubbo say that Quackity’s been in juvie for 41 years. They talk about the leather again.

Skeppy: I am here anytime you want to talk, Dream. There is a reason you went to war with these idiots. Remember that. Thank you.

Dream: “Skeppy...I want the leather! Do you have sympathy? It’s my dead horse, okay? My horse died, and then Sapnap took the leather from the ground.”

- Tommy and Tubbo watch through the window to watch Dream and Skeppy negotiate. Dream explains to Skeppy that there have been multiple wars on the server over the discs, and he wants control over them. There’s no point in burning them, because you would lose all trading power. 

- Dream would never trade Skeppy both, but he’s willing to give one. Skeppy asks for Netherite, but Dream doesn’t have any to trade. He used up his resources for the war.

- Skeppy agrees to the trade for one disc. Skeppy gives Dream Spirit, and Dream gives Skeppy Cat to put in his Ender Chest. The deal has been done.

- Fundy and Jack Manifold build a little house on the roof of Eret’s castle just above the throne room to claim the throne.

- Tommy asks when Dream will whitelist Quackity. Dream says right now and does so.

Tommy: “Okay so Quackity’s not joining L’manburg, but he can be our dirty little crime boy...Our man on the inside!”

- Quackity joins the call. He’s out of juvie after 43 years. Tommy tells him that Quackity can’t join L’manburg, but they can do the cartel instead. Dream says Quackity could also join his side. Quackity weighs his options.

Enter Quackity.

- They meet Quackity at Spawn. They get to the Community House and Dream throws Quackity several diamonds. Quackity thanks Dream for helping him.

Dream: “You’re very welcome. We try and get everyone to feel welcome and at home here at Dream Team SMP.”

- Tommy tells Quackity not to bond with the green bastard and starts walking down the Prime Path. Ponk comes over as well. Dream takes off all his armor.

- Quackity doesn’t want to take sides right now. Tommy fills him in on the war.

- Tommy shows Quackity his basement and puts Quackity in prison. He tries to put Dream in prison too, but Dream’s too quick and evades.

Enter The_Eret.

- Tommy notices a mark on Quackity’s face. Dream says it’s a battle scar from prison. Quackity is upset that Tommy keeps asking about his conditions.

- They show Quackity through the sewers.

- Ponk murders Jack. 

- Fundy meets Eret at the second tower to show him the scuffed redstone doors.

- Then, Fundy shows Eret what they’ve done at the castle, fencing off the throne as Fundy and Jack’s new territory. Fundy explains law in the Netherlands to Eret while they sit at a coffee table

- Eret asks if, were he to build a house above Fundy’s little cottage, he would then own that territory. 

Eret: “I think the turns have been tabled, Fundy.”

Fundy: “I think the turns have been coffee...tabled, if you wouldn’t mind.”

- They go back down to the throne and Eret says he doesn’t think this is how it works, as he still has the crown on his head.

- While Fundy struggles with his king skin, Eret builds a platform above the house at build limit, therefore reclaiming it as his territory. While he’s occupied, Fundy takes the entire throne and moves it slightly to the left.

Enter Punz.

- Punz tells Fundy that he’s fucked up. Tubbo joins the call to inform Fundy that there’s a cartel now. Punz tells Fundy that he’s killed Beenis, the original bee.

- Tubbo informs Fundy that Eret is summoning Herobrine while Fundy hides Pog the dog behind a wall. Eret finds him quickly.

- Punz joins the call to tell Fundy that he has evidence of Fundy murdering Beenis. Tubbo says he can be Fundy’s lawyer.

- Fundy puts on his king outfit. Punz and Tubbo come to the castle. Tubbo leads them all to court. He is a lawyer. They argue about who should go in the jail hole and the death hole.

- Punz tells Tubbo that he clipped evidence from his security cameras. He explains that Fundy broke the hive and it must have died.

Tubbo: “Be careful, I’m a lawyer.”

- Punz shows the evidence of Fundy breaking the hive. They debate whether the bee would have died.

Tubbo: “Oh my god, be careful I’m a lawyer.”

- Fundy says that he didn’t kidnap it, he didn’t kill it and he does not have it. Tubbo declares the first strike and asks Punz why the bee was outside. Punz says the bee usually comes back.

Tubbo: “Be careful, I’m a lawyer! Did I mention it?”

- Fundy says the enchants on his pickaxe included silk touch. Tubbo shoots Eret with an arrow.

Tubbo: “I am a lawyer! Be careful!”

...

Tubbo: (shooting Eret again) “Yeah you can. You can rename a corpse. Be careful, I’m a lawyer!”

Tubbo: “Punz, how sad are you that he’s dead on a scale of 1 to 10?”

Punz: “Just typing his name reminds me of all the memories we had.”

Tubbo: “How many memories is that? I need a number, so I can know how many, how many, how many...yeah. I’m a lawyer, be careful.”

- Tubbo makes a rough estimate of 200 and flicks another lever.

Tubbo: “I’m a lawyer, be careful!...be careful, I’m a lawyer!”

- Tubbo asks if Fundy has any valuables on him. Eret offers to hold onto anything, so Tubbo shoots him again.

Tubbo: “Be careful, I’m a lawyer, Eret! Be careful, be careful, I’m a lawyer. Yeah, I know you didn’t, and that’s why you should be careful, ‘cause I’m a lawyer.”

Tubbo: “Be careful! Be careful, I’m a lover! -- I mean lawyer. Wrong one.”

- Fundy asks to make a claim.

Tubbo: “You’ve got one lever left. Be careful, I’m a lawyer.”

- Jack Manifold arrives in a king outfit. Tubbo promptly shoots him.

Tubbo: “Jack Manifold! Be careful, I’m a lawyer!”

...

Tubbo: “Hey, hey, you don’t talk to him! Be careful I’m a lawyer but I’m out of ar -- Punz, do you have any arrows? ...Thank you I’m a lawyer, thank you I’m a lawyer.”

“Guys! Be careful, I’m a lawyer!”

“Hey! Be careful, I’m a lawyer, I’m a lawyer. How much camera in -- the -- is there?...Okay, well you can’t leave that cell, so we’re gonna have to if this doesn’t work -- be careful I’m a lawyer, Jack Manifold. Be careful. Be careful I’m a lawyer! Be careful, Eret, I’m a lawyer. (he shoots Eret again) No no no, that was just a lawyer shot.”

“Everyone be quiet, I’m a lawyer! Okay...so order in the lawyer! Order in the lawyer, everyone.”

- Punz suddenly murders Fundy. Tubbo tells them all to be careful, he’s a lawyer, as Fundy looks into his Ender Chest and sees the beehive there. Tubbo asks if Fundy wants to sue Punz, he’s a lawyer.

Jack: “Tubbo, Tubbo...so what do you do for a living?”

Tubbo: “I’m...I’m...I paint...sofas.”

- Tubbo declares them all L’Lawyerberg. They’re doing independence again. They all head back to the castle, having created Dream SMP’s newest law firm.

The End.

#in case you thought that Season One was any less off-the-walls chaotic as the new lore #dream smp #dream smp recaps #long posts #this is legitimately one of my favorite days of SMP history #and I wanted to share it lol

[makeste]

regarding Best Jeanist, Dabi, and all of that

@kaleswagdragon​ I hope you don’t mind me posting this comment and my response as its own post, seeing as it quickly got out of hand and sort of morphed into a whole entire essay.

anyway, so! you say that it’s a mischaracterization, but it’s really not, though. I mean, props for bringing up the cultural context of Japan, in which the honne-tatemae culture of covering up anything that might lead to any sort of conflict -- even if it means harming an innocent victim in the process -- is a very real issue. so given that, I understand why so many people are interpreting Jeanist’s statement in a “how dare you bring this family shame to light” sort of way. and Caleb’s “dirty laundry” translation doesn’t help, given the “we’re more embarrassed than actually concerned about this” feel of that particular phrase, which he apparently chose just because of the clothing pun without really giving much thought to any other implications.

but in the actual Japanese, the meaning/context is somewhat different. here’s a link to a twitter thread clarifying the original spoiler translation, and breaking down the actual Japanese dialogue.

I think the meaning here is very clearly “you waited until the public’s faith in heroes was already wavering to bring this down on them as a final blow.” if he was simply criticizing Dabi for publicizing the Todoroki family drama, he would have stopped with that first sentence. the two sentences afterward (“you waited until everyone’s faith in heroes was wavering, when the damage would be too great to handle”) make it clear that what he’s actually calling Dabi out for is the way that he basically weaponizes his story into the perfect political tool to finally take down the heroes. which is an observation that we as the readers can verify for ourselves as being true. look at how he so carefully edited the footage of Twice’s death. look at the contrast between the way he acts in the video, compared with the homicidal glee we see from the actual Dabi in real time.

Jeanist is notably the only one who is able to get the same perspective as the readers here, since he’s the only person who’s physically present in Jakku with the real Dabi, but is also able to hear the video being broadcast. meaning that he’s able to hear both video!Dabi’s calm, prerecorded “I’m just a concerned citizen trying to look out for a society being taken advantage of by the ones charged with protecting it” speech, and actual!Dabi’s “hahaha fuck you Endeavor I’m bringing the whole country down even as we speak, well anyway time to kill you all” reality. he alone can see that stark contrast between the concerned whistleblower act Dabi is putting onscreen, versus his true attitude of “I don’t actually give a fuck, I just want to eradicate the heroes and make my dad suffer.” basically, Jeanist is the only one who can see that juxtaposition, and see Dabi’s reveal for what it really is, seeing as Dabi literally spelled it out for Endeavor and the others. and so he’s calling him out on that.

and he’s not wrong to do so. it’s clear that a lot of fans vehemently disagree with this, but being an abuse survivor doesn’t excuse you from having the same obligation as every other human being on the planet to try your best to be a decent person, which at minimum means not going out of your way to hurt other people. I say this as someone who’s experienced abuse, which shouldn’t need to be a disclaimer honestly, but I guess that’s how it is these days. anyways, though, I have, and I know a lot of other people who have as well. it’s a terrible, awful, exceptionally shitty thing to experience, and it affects everyone in different ways. and every single person who goes through something like that deserves help and support and time to heal, and it’s a tragedy and an injustice that Dabi, from what we have seen, never got any of that.

but that doesn’t excuse him from still being held to the same basic standard of “hurting other people is shitty” as everyone else. it doesn’t mean he gets a free pass. it doesn’t mean that anyone who says “hey, Dabi using his trauma as an excuse to murder people is kind of fucked up” is an abuse apologist. and it doesn’t mean Horikoshi is an abuse apologist for writing him that way, for that matter, because guess what? sometimes people who are abused grow up to become abusers. that’s just a fucked-up thing that happens sometimes. and pretending like it doesn’t is ironically not all that different from that whole “sweeping things under the rug” concept you mentioned earlier. it does happen, and I think it’s important to acknowledge that, because acknowledging it is one of the necessary steps to take in fixing it.

this attitude of “if someone was abused they should be absolved of responsibility for their actions” that I’ve seen in some posts is taking the concept of “abuse often has a profound impact on people’s mental health, and that should be taken into consideration before judging them too harshly for behavior that they can’t always necessarily control”, and twisting it into this nice little loophole that people can use to duck accountability whenever it’s convenient. but being abused doesn’t give you the right to abuse other people, is my point. nothing gives somebody the right to do that.

and Dabi is hurting other people. he waited ten years to tell his story specifically because he wanted to use it to make others suffer. and, putting aside the part where he’s trying to engineer the downfall of society as a precursor to the mass destruction he and his pals have planned, he also broadcast the story nationwide without the consent of the other abused parties involved. which I’m not saying he didn’t have the right to do, mind you, because it’s his story as well as theirs, and he has the right to tell it. and the right to make his abuser’s crimes as public as he wants, if that’s what he decides. but it also ignores the question of what his mother and siblings might want, and the fact is that they’re also survivors, and so in theory should have the same right as Dabi to choose their own healing process, and decide exactly how they want their abuser, who like so many abusers is also a close family member, to be held accountable. anyway, but all of that is obviously very, very complicated and I don’t think there’s a clear right or wrong side as far as this part of it all. it’s not a situation where everyone can be happy, which unfortunately is often how it goes.

anyway, I’ve kind of meandered pretty far from my original point now, so my bad. my points are, basically,

(a) I think the linked explanation does show that Jeanist is chiding Dabi for using his trauma in this specifically scheming and destructive way, as opposed to saying “shame on you for not being a good little victim and staying quiet”, which would be a ridiculous thing for Horikoshi, who’s explored the topic of abuse more thoughtfully than any other mangaka I’ve read, to randomly have one of his protagonists say.

and (b) the people calling Dabi out on his shit aren’t all smug victim-blamers who have no sympathy for what he has been through. the latter point (and a lot of this post, actually) isn’t particularly directed at you btw; it’s more of just a general statement brought on by some of the discussion that’s been going on these past few days.

anyways, I actually like that the fandom is talking about all of this! I just think it’s a very complex subject, and an even more complex situation currently in the manga. and ideally, people would try to acknowledge that complexity when discussing it, rather than simply picking a side and doubling down on it no matter what, or shooting down the whole thing as problematic writing just because isn’t a neat and tidy situation where you can simply say “oh, person A is right and person B is wrong, that’s it, end of story.” it’s not, unfortunately. it’s a messy clusterfuck of a topic that’s only going to get messier as this plot continues, so hopefully we can all just sort of brace ourselves for that lol. this is really just the tip of the iceberg, I think.

#bnha 292 #best jeanist #dabi #todoroki touya #bnha meta #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #long post #I mean we always knew the todoroki plot was going to be like this though #and jeanist had to go and open his big mouth #you brought this on yourself really my man #and now we're dealing with all this discourse I hope you're happy #do us a favor and find out kacchan's hero name for us asap so we can put this all behind us and move on to new discourse my denim friend

[caramelcal]

Fool for you

a/n: eye- y’all wanting a part 2? cause i have it planned lol x

it gets much more interesting i promise oml...the enemies arc really do be one of my faves tho

word count: 3.15k

warning: swearing

She couldn’t believe how much shit that stupid kiss had landed her in. Her head was clouded, arms crossed over her chest as she stared down at her lap, trying not to grumble. Not only her own manager was sat in the room, but 5 seconds of summer’s too, along with their bassist, one of the people she hated most, Calum Hood.

“We have seen how everyone reacted to the speculation,” The woman in front of her started, legs pressed together with a large binder sitting on her lap, hands folded gently on top. Normally Y/N got on quite well with her manager, Caroline, but right now she wanted to scream due to the words coming out of the woman’s mouth, “You’ve been gaining popularity from it, Y/N. This could be a great way for you to gain more of a following.”

Y/N had dreamed of the day she started to trend on Twitter, but this was not what she wanted to be trending for. She wasn’t trending for her music, not even her newest single. No, she was trending because everyone thought she was Calum Hood’s girlfriend.

Speaking of the boy, he sat beside her, keeping quietly to himself. This had to have been the first time that he had ever been in her presence where he hadn’t been annoying the shit out of her. Must be because his manager is in here. He had already been approached about it and seemed sold on the idea.

An idea of them being in a fake relationship.

Her, with Calum Hood. She wanted to scoff at the thought. He was unbearable at best, constantly annoying her to the point where she wanted to rip her hair out. When she had first been asked to be the opening act for 5 Seconds of Summer’s tour she had been ecstatic. The boys were nice, welcoming her onto their tour with open arms. Honestly, Y/N got on with all of them, apart from Calum. From the moment he set eyes on her he seemed determined to do anything and everything in his power to piss her off, slowly waiting until she finally lost her cool and lashed out. It was frustrating, especially considering Y/N knew she couldn’t do much about it.

Now, not only did she have to put up with Calum normally, but they wanted her to get close with him. To be in a fake relationship, which, obviously, meant spending more time with him.

“So, of course, you guys will have to be seen out in public with one another every so often so we were thinking you guys get ‘caught’ kissing my paps again, then we’re thinking dropping hints,” Ink began to get scribbled across a piece of paper, writing out a messy and brief plan which Y/N didn’t even want to look at, “Possibly y/n being caught wearing Calum’s shirt...We aren’t entirely sure yet but we will make sure to keep you updated. Do either of you have any questions?”

Despite the question seeming like it was for both of them, it was directed at Y/N, and she knew that. PR stunts and fake dating amongst celebrities were never unheard of, but she never thought she would be getting into one herself, not now and definitely not with Calum, “I do, actually. What’s in it for him exactly?”

The question was asked towards the two managers, y/n honestly didn’t want to even look at Calum right now. He probably wanted to do this simply to annoy her because he knew that he was the bane of her existence, but y/n just hoped that he wouldn’t get even more annoying, despite knowing he definitely would take advantage of the situation.

“Publicity,” His manager stated simply, nodding his head slightly in her direction. Y/n didn’t know what else to say, and they all were enveloped in a very uncomfortable silence before Caroline let out a sigh, snapping her folder shut.

“Well if that’s all,” She stood up, making y/n’s eyes travel up to her as she began to walk away, “We will leave you two be.”

With that, the two managers left without another word, shutting the door behind them. Y/n and Calum sat in awkward silence for a few moments, y/n’s eyes set firmly in the door before she stood up, going towards the door before Calum caught onto her hand.

“Where are you going?”

“Away,” Y/n huffed, tugging her hand away from the boy’s grip as she glared down at his hand. He awkwardly pulled his hand back, putting his hands down in his lap, “Going to get my last few hours of peace before we have to start this PR stunt.”

“Aw y/n/n, not wanna spend time with me, huh?” Calum teased, making her roll her eyes. He was already annoying her and he had barely spoken three sentences to her; something he had a special gift for.

“No, not really,” He gave her a fake pout before a smirk rose to his lips, making her roll her eyes.

Calum was acting as if she would actually enjoy his company. The same Calum Hood that woke her up by pouring a bucket of water on her that morning. Freezing cold water. Dickhead.

“Why are you doing this? Like why are you actually doing this?” She asked suddenly, making Calum meet her gaze with those brown eyes of his.

He shrugged, averting his gaze for a moment before speaking, “Publicity. It might not get us any more listeners but it’ll get people talkin’.”

They fell into an uncomfortable silence before y/n nodded her head, “Fair enough. I’m gonna get going. Bye.”

And with that, y/n left the room.

  Both y/n and Calum were walking together, hand in hand after a lovely ‘date’ together. It, honestly, was nothing short of awkward. Honestly, they didn’t know what to talk about with one another when they weren’t fighting; something that they became painfully aware of on their trip out that evening.

Calum, despite normally being reserved and quiet in public, actually took the lead in the conversation. Mostly because y/n didn’t know what to say and they knew that they couldn’t sit in silence, especially if someone noticed them and noticed that they didn’t even talk to one another.

It was the first PR date that had been set up, only three days after their meeting discussing the start of their fake relationship. Y/n couldn’t lie, she was incredibly nervous and uncomfortable, her white dress doing nothing to protect her from the cold air nipping at her skin.

As instructed, she was holding onto Calum’s arm, one wrapped around and intertwined with his bicep and the other one clasping their hands together. It’s a strange and awkward movement to uphold, especially when walking but they do it nonetheless.

“Calum, stop going so fast, I can’t keep up properly,” Y/n muttered to him quietly, almost tripping over her own feet when she felt herself getting tugged yet again due to her hold on Calum.

His eyes briefly flicked back to her, “I can’t really help it, y/n. I’m already going as slow as I can.”

“Well sorry I don’t have legs like the BFG like you, I’m trying not to fall ‘cause you keep tugging at me. This dress was not a good move for this,” She grumbled quietly again and Calum doesn’t even reply. Instead, he started walking even faster, “Calum! Slow down!”

She was pulled into a lane by Calum by the time she had finished that sentence, his hands on either side of her arms holding her in place. His broad shoulders are obstructing her from being able to see out of the small alleyway but before she could ask why he did that, he’s shushing her quietly and whispering, “Saw the paps. They saw me, too. It’s time.”

God, he made it sound so dramatic. It wasn’t like they were fighting off any evil spirit or villain, all they had to do was get caught kissing by the paps. It didn’t seem like it was going to be a particularly difficult job, just one they had to execute properly, and right now everything was going pretty smoothly. They just had to make sure that it looked authentic and like they actually wanted to do it.  

He let out a breath he was holding as he looked down at her, asking her silently for permission to start as his fingers went around the back of her neck, thumb resting on her cheek. She nodded her head and he began to lean in, y/n standing on her tip-toes with her arms splayed over Calum’s shoulders woth him bending down and pressing his lips on hers.

They kissed for several moments, taking little breaks in between. No tongue was a rule they had decided on so instead they stuck to closed mouth. On the last peck shared between the two of them, Calum gently pulled away, y/n’s bottom lip trapped between his lips before her feet hit the ground, their lips now completely disconnected.

She, discretely, tried to peek around Calum to see the paps, but couldn’t, so instead, they stayed in that position for a little while longer. Her eyes glanced up at Calum, seeing him still staring down at her, she whispered, “What?”

“Nothing,” He dismissed, shaking his head hesitantly before he took a small step back before putting his hand out for y/n to grab onto. She shot him a smile as she laced their fingers together, tugging him along and out of the alley.

The games had begun.

  It’s only about a week later when y/n was doing her washing as normal in some hotel’s launderette. She had been off of social media for the past few days, paying no mind to the several thousand people talking about her and Calum's 'relationship’. It surely had blown up, and some might say more than they had expected it to. Y/n had accumulated thousands of more followers after the whole fiasco and although she wouldn’t admit it, she enjoyed seeing the fan theories.

Calum had actually been a lot nicer to her recently, something she hadn’t expected, but enjoyed very much. A smile is on her face as she thought about the lack of pranks that he had been playing on her, and sure, he was still irritating her but it was simply with his words. He walked her down to the launderette, before turning to get his own load of dark clothes.

Surprisingly, despite having rather heavy music, y/n owned quite a lot of white clothes. Sure, she mostly wore black, but right now she was washing her white clothes. Well, what were her white clothes...

Now? They’re pink.

She took the wet fabric out of the washer, noticing one of her favorite white dresses is now dyed an ugly pink, one that she knows she won’t pull off. Her eyebrows are furrowed, a frown settling on her face as she tried to pull the clothes out, trying to find the root cause of the problem.

That’s when she found it. A red sock; Calum’s red sock.

Suddenly everything seemed to make sense as to why he was being so nice to her; so he could pull another prank on her when she least expected it. That’s why he had waited behind once she left the launderette, that’s why he seemed so interested in her white, now pink, clothes that she apparently ‘hadn’t washed in a while and should definitely wash’. 

“Calum!” She screamed out in anger, glad for the lack of other people in the small room, clenching her fists around the wet, pink clothes in her hand. They’re all ruined, inconsistent blotches of different shades of pinks coating the fabrics.

It was only seconds later when Calum popped his head up in confusion, “Yeah?”

Except, Y/n didn’t reply, and instead trained her e/c eyes onto his brown ones with a firm glare, one filled with frustration and anger. He, however, hadn’t seen her glare just yet as he surveyed the room before he catches onto her crouched-down figure. She watched as they trailed down to the pink clothes in her hand and he struggles to fight a grin off of his face.

“Thought you were doin’ a white load, y/n/n?” His voice had snide amusement in it and it only made y/n even madder.

However, before she replied, she grabbed onto the red sock of his and threw it at his head, letting out a complaint that sounds more like a whine, “You’ve ruined my favorite dress, asshole!”

“Woah calm down sweetheart, don’t be rude to your boyfriend,” Calum teased, walking around to where y/n was sat, reaching down to ruffle her hair. She quickly swatted his hand away with a grumble.

“Fake. Fake boyfriend, Hood.”

Calum simply rolled his eyes in reply, waving her off, “Yeah, yeah whatever. Enjoy your pink clothes.”

     It was only a week later when management is rushing them to take nice pictures together and becoming Instagram official. Theories are still burning in the air, especially after they were ‘caught’ by paps, kissing, for a second time. Everyone knew something was going on, that much was obvious, but they wanted to hear it from them.

They snapped pictures off stage, the last one being of Calum’s arm over y/n’s shoulder, holding her close to his body with her lips placed on his cheek. Her eyes are closed upon instruction, and he has a bright smile on his face, looking straight at the camera. The photos they snapped were quickly looked over before they’re approved to post on Instagram.

Y/n doesn’t know what to say, and in fact, she’s finding it hard to breathe. It was only fifteen minutes before she had to go on stage for their next concert, and this was the most nervous she had felt in ages. What if she gets hate? What if the whole fandom hated her? She knew that most likely some fangirls would be jealous, that was perfectly understandable, she just hoped no one went far enough to send her tons of hate; especially considering it was fake.

Y/n didn’t like this situation any more than they did but there was nothing she could do about it. Watching over Calum’s shoulder, she saw him press post, and she felt like she couldn’t even breathe. She felt like the air was being restricted from her lungs, and she can’t even bring herself to opening her phone to see people freaking out over the announcement of their ‘relationship’.

“Well, that’s that.” Calum looked at her over his shoulder, letting out a soft sigh as his brown eyes wrack over her face. She’s pale, and she didn’t even seem to hear his as he talked, making his eyebrows furrow in confusion, “Y/n? You good there?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” She dismissed quickly, taking a step away from him, wringing her hands awkwardly. She’s nodding her head, but her eyes are firmly set on the ground now and Calum knows that she’s nervous. Sure, the two weren’t close and Calum took enjoyment in annoying her, but he was surprisingly good at telling how she was feeling simply from her body movements.

He hesitated, lips parting as he thought of what to say as he stared at the smaller girl who looked like she wanted the ground to swallow her whole, but after a few moments, his lips snapped shut. He wasn’t good at consoling, especially not her. And even if he did want to try, what could he possibly say?

This situation wasn’t ideal for her. Sure, it got her publicity, but he knew it wasn’t the type that she wanted. She hadn’t been fully introduced to the famous lifestyle yet, articles written about her, fan accounts, everything so he knew this was going to be hard for her. It took him a while to adjust to the lifestyle, and sure things like paps were still uncomfortable but they weren’t scary anymore.

As he stared at her, a frown prominent on his lips, he studied her. He noticed how awkward and uncomfortable she had become from the moment that he had posted the photo, almost as if she was awaiting an attack. He knew it was scary, the paps, the fangirls, and he also knew that this abrupt change in lifestyle from this moment on was going to be difficult for her; so he would make it easier.

He would answer the questions, take the heat about the relationship. He would protect her from all of the nasty comments as best as he could because no one deserved to be flung into the lifestyle like she was being right now, despite wanting publicity. This was a whole new life starting for her from the moment he posted the picture and as he nodded his head discretely, it was like a deal had been sealed with himself.

He was going to help her through this, even if she still hated him.

      It was three hours after the show had taken place and she still hadn’t turned her phone back on yet. She felt sick to her stomach, staring at her phone almost as if it was taunting her; itching for her to open Instagram but at the same time, wanting her to stay far, far away from the app.

Yet, soon enough she found herself booting up her phone and going onto Instagram, almost immediately finding Calum’s photo. She clicked on the comments and was pleasantly surprised. People were actually being supportive.

“omg look at them!!!”

“THEY LOOK SO GOOD TOGETHER WTF”

“I want someone to look at me the way Cal looks at Y/n”

That last one made her smile. She knew exactly what picture they were referencing. The one where y/n has her back to the camera in Calum’s embrace, and he’s staring down at her with a smile, arms wrapped around her, pulling her flush against his chest. She remembered her face buried deep into Calum’s shirt, surprised that the makeup she was wearing didn’t rub off on the material.

She was subconsciously shaking her head as she pulled her knees to her chest, resting her chin on top of them. She flicked back up to the pictures, almost analyzing the way Calum stared down at her. The fan was right, Calum looked at her with so much “love” in his eyes, a look that y/n had never seen on Calum before.

It was crazy. If y/n didn’t know any better she would think that Calum actually was in love with her but the only thing he loved about her, was how annoyed he could get her. Calum was certainly a good actor, looking at her like she was the sun and he was the revolving planets; like the only girl in the entire universe. Well, at least if Calum got bored of music he could go into acting.

They already had everyone fooled, and they were just getting started...

#calum hood #calum 5 seconds of summer #calum 5sauce #5sauce #5sos #5sos blurbs #5sos x reader #5sos x y/n #calum 5sos #calum hood x you #calum hood x reader #calum hood x y/n #calum thomas hood #5sos x you #5 seconds of summer x reader

[beetlemancy]

Regarding CWs, as someone who hasn't experienced trauma you and other critters discussions on how you feel current policy is enough made me think. I decided to do some research and studies show that they provide no meaningful help. One has shown that in some cases they can actually cause harm due to encouraging avoidance and the idea that trauma is central to identity. What this shows me is that people need to listen and research before asking for them as their good intentions could backfire.

See, I would not go this far, and perhaps more research is required - because CWs can actually be extremely helpful in your process. Yes, avoidance is not good to stick with as a final ‘cure,’ but triggers should be approached with HELP, preferably professional help, and not just thrown at you unexpectedly in order to learn from them. Otherwise, it simply a re-traumitization.

Here’s where the issue is - reasonable accommodation. While not really a term meant to be used in this context, I feel like its the best one I have for what I want to get across. There is reasonable accommodation issues that have more to do with the ADA vs workplaces, but the kind i’m talking about is more like the accommodating the disability community is already used to doing amongst each other - AKA, everyone has different and sometimes competing needs and so sometimes we have to take more responsibility for our shit because someone else needs something completely different from us and we’re both existing in the same place.

So what I mean in this case is: it is reasonable to have TWs if they are offered to you, it is reasonable to ask FOR them without consequence. However, it is not the responsibility of other people to manage your mental health. If the fanbase and/or CR can come up with a way to do it where it serves everyone and is easy to navigate, that’s great! But if they can’t, that’s not CRs fault and its not our fault for being skeptical. 

Right now, there is a fan-run CW system being worked on. Right now, it sucks ass. The person running it I’m sure has really good intentions - although I am just guessing, as plenty of people on Twitter are career trolls simply rolling through this drama like its fresh catnip. Anyway. The REASON is sucks ass is because one person, or just a few people, are running it and they are making a lot of leaps about TWs - some are just unhelpful, others are legitimately harmful to the point of needing TWs for the TW (ex: the debate of whether Caleb has a deadname or not can be triggering for people on either side - some people legit feel that way and wouldn’t mind seeing a warning for the name being used - other people, like myself, see the idea of forcing a "deadname" on a character that has never said anything of the sort is actually Very Fucking Offensive tyvm)

Also, there aren't any timestamps. So like, wtf.

So... yes, I believe that TWs and CWs can be very helpful if people need to avoid something because diving into your triggers should be done in a safe environment - but I also believe that anyone choosing to watch Critical Role should 1) be an adult, first of all, otherwise ask your guardians holy shit and 2) be responsible enough to handle your own mental health based on what you already know of the show and decide if this is really the safest media option for you. Nobody will blame you if it’s not.

#cr discourse #cr tws #Anonymous #also pls do not send hate if you find the account #they are Trying and i'm all for a fan run CW system #it just needs to be run by way more than whoever is running it now #and needs some fucking timestamps #and like be more careful with shit #because it will so easily be abused to create drama #like already we're seeing the potential for it to be used against other fandom members #or against characters someone 'just doesn't like' #or PLAYERS people just don't like #cough LHS cough

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi Steph!

I’m sorry it’s my first time sending you an ask, so I dunno which button I clicked man. Sorry about that.

Ok, so what I wanted to request! I love your blog. You’re really kind and genuine, and I’ve found some great fics to light up my day from here. But sometimes, the posts are suuupppeeerr long, and I may not be looking for this info exactly? Like it clogs up a lot of my dash. So I wanted to request if you could use a “read more” feature after a brief, at least for the fic rec posts.

I hope I didn’t offend or anything. Thank u for all the kindness you put into the world each day. Have a good day fren!

Hey Nonny!

Ahh, okay, you’re not going to like what I am going to say, but you are very respectful and were smart and sandwiched your issue in compliments, so Ahhhh, I feel conflicted now.

With all due respect Nonny, this is my blog and I get more engagement on my lists if people can see the full list; many people prefer it that way, and honestly I get crapped on either way, so I’ve made the executive decision to not cut my posts. The only time I do is on “second” reblog on super long LONG lists so that I have a “cut” and “uncut” version of the post, but even those I’ve been reducing. 

I’ve tried both ways, and full posts get better notice. All I want to do is share my love of fics and content with y’all, and the best way to do that is to just have it all there so people know what they’re getting. 

Plus, am I to just “readmore” every single reply on my posts? A lot of the reason my blog has stayed as long as it has is because I’ve always been a very interactive blog. People LIKE seeing their replies added to a comment thread on my post, and it helps smaller blogs get noticed. It’s not much on the surface, but I’ve had smaller blogs come to me DELIGHTED that their name is now attached to one of my posts that are going through a “popular reblog cycle” (that is, a post that is being interacted with for a good few days before I actually finally add it to the month-reblog queue). It helps create a sense of community, I feel, and that’s one of the things I am very honoured to be: a starting place for community.

And this is just in a general sense and NOT directed at you, more at the people who shit on me in the notes of my long posts, but I don’t GET people getting upset about my TEXT BASED POST WITH NO IMAGES IN IT, but not on any of the image or playlist posts I reblog, which take FOREVER to load on mobile. I GENUINELY don’t get it. I don’t even use the app on my phone, I’m logged into the browser on my phone, because the app is garbage. 

The problem is the app, in my opinion. That’s the gist of it. It loads slow, it scrolls terribly, and the UI is annoying, but instead app users blame the bloggers and not the fact that Tumblr staff ignore every suggestion we make. And because more of the newer people use their mobiles these days, us old-time Tumblr users are expected to microblog like the shitty sites that are Twitter or Facebook. Tumblr is a blogging platform, like LiveJournal, laid out all nicely and clean and honestly, (the royal you) you’re getting exactly what you signed up for: long posts, opinions, and interaction. If one wants shitty layouts, shitty comment threads you can’t follow and reactionaries, go to Twitter. Call me a boomer, whatever, I just find Tumblr so much more appealing now more than ever. 

Sorry, I’ve needed to get this off my chest for awhile now. I don’t know. Maybe I’m being pedantic. I don’t care, really. My thoughts on this: if (the royal) you don’t like the content, or find stuff annoying, don’t follow me.

Because you know what a lot of my longest posts are? Helpline numbers at the bottom of posts. Useful links. And just stuff that make people happy. People in despair are not going to click on a read more of a post. People who want links to resources aren’t going to click on a read more. People who just want happiness after a stressful day are literally just scrolling to smile, and they ain’t gonna click a read more.

YES, there are reasons read mores are good, absolutely. I just PERSONALLY don’t like them because I like engagement. I don’t get much of it anymore on my posts, EXCEPT the fic rec posts, and THOSE work better as a full view.

BUT NONNY PLEASE KNOW I AM NOT UPSET AT ALL WITH YOU, and you’ve given me a great opportunity to discuss this thing that I’ve put off for awhile because the other people were less-than-kind, and it only made me NOT address it out of simple spite because I’m nothing if not a passive aggressive old lady. 

So, here are a few ideas you can implement:

If you like my posts but not the longest ones, I always tag them “long post”. Tumblr finally has its own tag blocking feature, so just block “long post”. All of my very long lists will be blocked, and you can decide if you want to click on them based on what the additional tags are. I try my best to tag all my lists appropriately.

Similarly, you can “tag block” my username, and only click on the posts you like the tags for.

DON’T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY, PLEASE, this isn’t a “so there!” comment, I promise!!: You can unfollow me if you’re only following me for the fic lists, and instead follow me on Twitter at @inevitablyjohn1, which is used only to promote my new lists and art. Every Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday I post up the Wednesday Reblog, Five Fics Friday, Fic Rec Roundup, and Fic Rec Sunday, with a link to each post :) Then you’ll get all the lovely full lists I post 4 times a week. OF COURSE, this is the option I don’t want to happen, because I love all my lovelies and you’ll miss out on the random fics, insightful asks, and suggestions I get throughout the week, BUT I want you to enjoy your time on Tumblr, and if my blog is causing you stress, it’s the last thing I want to happen. I love all of y’all too much to see that!

THAT ALL SAID, Nonny, I’m really sorry to disappoint you, and I hope you understand my POV on this. I just don’t see any benefit on my part, for MY blog, which I run for MY happiness which has the side effect of making other people happy. I also hope you will still stick around regardless, but I care about your well being and I understand if you have to leave.

AND everyone, please don’t be harsh on this Nonny! They asked a question respectfully and deserve our respect in kind.

I truly wish you the loveliest of days, Nonny, and have a great week! <3

#steph replies #my blog #blog things #tumblr things #ironically: #long post #Anonymous

[havethetimeofyourstyles]

Chapter Four.

a/n: this was one of my fav chapters to write, so hope you all enjoy! I think you’re all gonna like this one hehe :’) pls reblog to share and leave feedback as it continues to motivate me <3

SERIES MASTERLIST | word count: 10.1k

come talk to me about WTSGD! i’d love to know your thoughts!

October 31, 2017 

A lot had happened in the last five months that felt like an eternity. 

After Luci’s very first performance for Miss Saigon and her unfortunate breakdown that was caused by one of the biggest critics of Broadway, practically insulting her, she performed almost every night after that. 

When one bad review on her performance was ratified by hundreds of tweets and reviews, saying that Luci’s performance was one of the best they’d ever seen, she’d say she did her damn job. The night of her breakdown, she received a text from Nina, who sent her a link to a few reviews on her Broadway debut. Those articles directly addressed how unprofessional and poorly written Adam West’s review was, and that he needed to open his eyes to observe and admire brilliant, wonderful, and beautifully performed talent. On top of the important names next to Adam West, theatre-Twitter seemed to agree with the positive articles that were written about her, tweeting that Luci was the next face of Broadway; and who cared if she started her career in commercials and Off-Broadway because getting the role in Miss Saigon had proved that she worked her way up and that she was good. 

After reading the articles and tweets, her mood had drastically shifted. She was so overwhelmed by the positive comments that defended her from a misogynistic man that she cried again, but it was tears of happiness this time around. She walked out of her apartment, headed to Harry’s door to show him the uplifting reviews, and he was happy to see that she was ecstatic—he was happy for her. 

They had definitely become closer since that day. 

Harry and Luci hung out a lot. Whenever they had the chance and they both weren’t busy, they would knock on each other’s doors or text one another, asking to hang out. For the most part, he opened up to her, showcasing his true personality and becoming more comfortable around Luci—enough to joke around and be himself. He loved the way he didn’t feel like he had to be someone he’s not; everything felt true and real. 

It was refreshing for Harry to have a real friend, a best friend, other than Jeff and Mitch. Although he developed a small crush on said friend, it was nice to just have a chat and walk around the neighborhood with her. He’d been talking himself up to ask her out, not knowing if she’ll say yes or if she even feels that way about him; but from what he could tell, he thinks that she’s sort of infatuated with him. Luci would flirt with him from time to time, and would tell him that he’s adorable and sweet, making Harry’s cheeks redden from the sweet talk. 

Luci’s situation with Daisy and Samuel never got better. Ever since she started to perform more and more—sometimes even more than Daisy—they would be nothing but rude to her. They weren’t used to someone taking their spotlight; it was like someone stepping right in front of them on center stage to steal the show—especially if it was someone they despised and was new to Broadway. The two tried to take it up with Tal, demanding and arguing about how they deserved to perform every single night, but Tal kept her word to Luci and the rest of the industry: that she would stand up for her cast and run the show herself. 

Throughout the months, Luci had been talking with Harry about something very, very important. It was a few weeks ago, during their walk to a bagel place in the morning, when she first brought it up. 

“Remember that lady who came up to me after the show?” She asked as they walked along the sidewalk. Harry nodded, letting out a ‘mhm.’ “So, she’s a talent agent…” Harry raised his brows, thinking she was an agent for Broadway. “In Hollywood.” Samantha Stone was one of Hollywood’s greatest and biggest agents; she mostly worked with actors who were first starting out in the industry before making them successful. Samantha was always on the hunt for new and fresh talent; she walked the streets with an eye like a hawk. 

In early September, Samantha was in New York for a small getaway, as well as to meet one of her side pieces in the city. She figured she could watch a show or two since she was already in the city, and it’d been ages since she'd seen a Broadway show. Deciding on Miss Saigon because she saw the tweets and reviews of Luciana, she decided to give it a shot and see what her hype was about. And it did not disappoint. She was so intrigued and invested in the story, and was absolutely blown away by Luciana’s performance. Naturally, even though she shouldn’t be working, she waited until the cast was coming out of the theatre to approach her. 

Luci was in complete shock because she’d never had anyone walk up to her, telling her to give her a call because she was a talent agent and hoped to work with her soon. When Luci got back home, she looked up Samantha Stone and her breath hitched as she found out who she had worked with and what she did for a living. 

“Holy shit!” Harry completely stopped walking, making Luci stop as well. They stood on the side of the sidewalk as people passed by them. Harry beamed excitedly, but soon his smile softened, noticing Luci’s didn’t match his. “What’s the matter? Why aren’t you excited?” 

“I-I don’t know. I just get nervous thinking about it, like she wants to work with me.” Luci fiddled with her fingers. 

“Isn’t that great?” Harry asked softly; he didn’t see what was wrong with that, but he was being patient with Luci to try and understand what she was feeling and thinking about.

She nodded. “It is. I’m just nervous; I hate disappointing people. What if I call her and I do an audition or whatever, and she realizes that I’m not meant for the job? She’s the biggest agent in Hollywood, Harry. That would mean I’m not meant for any job,” she explained worriedly, anxiety bubbling up in her stomach as if it’d been simmering for hours on the stove.

Harry slightly frowned. He couldn’t imagine how it must feel to doubt one’s own talents, and he absolutely hated that Luci was doing it. 

“Luciana, listen to me.” Well, that definitely caught her attention. “You’re remarkably talented, end of. If you end up being dropped by that agent, then fuck her. She shouldn’t be a talent agent if she can’t see clear talent right in front of her. Literally everyone in the same room knows you are so incredibly gifted. Plus, wouldn’t you like to try it out? It doesn’t hurt to try because you have nothing to lose. You’ll still be on Broadway; and then you’ll try again later if right now is not your time.” 

Smiling, she appreciated his words. She nodded, knowing he was completely right. “Okay, I’ll give it a shot.” Her response seemed to satisfy Harry. “Thank you.” 

“Of course. I’ll always be here for you.” She smiled. “Still gonna help me grade papers?” 

She chuckled as they started walking on the pavement again. “Yup. Believe it or not, it’s actually fun grading papers.” 

He turned to her shockingly. “Oh, really? Then maybe you could be my TA and I’ll have you grade all the papers.” Luci laughed, saying that she didn’t mind; she adored moments when they were playful. Their friendship was refreshing to the both of them. 

A week after her conversation with Harry, where he reassured and encouraged her, she called Samantha, who was delighted to hear from Luci. Samantha asked if she wanted to meet for lunch; Luci was hesitant, but she remembered Harry’s words, and it really didn’t hurt to try, so she agreed and they met in Midtown at a Thai restaurant. 

It was a casual luncheon where Samantha got to know Luci before she decided if she wanted to sign her or not. Luci completely rocked her socks; she was funny, kind, and very humble—traits that not a lot of stars had. So, Samantha immediately thought she was perfect and very likeable. After thirty minutes of eating and chatting, Samantha pulled out her business side, along with a contract, and discussed what this could mean for Luci. She went over her contract very quickly, and Luci knew she couldn’t keep up so she pretended to listen, nodding and letting out a ‘mhm’ to be interactive. 

Samantha had a pen ready for her to sign, but if Luci knew anything, it was to not sign contracts right then and there, and to go over the contract in further details on her own. So, Luci told her that she would look over the stack of papers once more before she got back to her potential agent. 

Luci wished she took a business class to understand such things about contracts and how to handle things herself, but she thinks that she might enroll in some classes some time soon. She attended Boston University and graduated with a Bachelor’s degree in Performing Arts in Theatre Arts. On top of auditioning, solo acts, musical pieces, and countless shows for the four years she was there, she maintained a 3.5 GPA in her general education, and that’s something she’s incredibly proud of herself for. There were a few classes during her freshman year that she failed, making her consider dropping out, but she picked herself back up and promised herself to work harder, and she did. 

When she got back home, she tossed the contract on her coffee table as she sighed, grabbing a glass of water. She had felt stressed out about the situation, but then she remembered that Harry’s sister, Gemma, was a lawyer in London. So, she sent Harry a quick text, telling him about her situation, and asked if Gemma was able to help out. Harry was on his lunch when she texted, but he quickly asked Gemma and she was quick to comply, anything to help her brother’s friend.

The day after, Harry and Luci both sat down on his couch, FaceTiming Gemma on his laptop; it was the very first time his sister and Luci were meeting each other. Harry warned Luci that Gemma was a bit tough with his new friends, but once the two women chatted for a few minutes, Gemma was smittened with her; Harry was shocked at how quick they seemed to become friends, but he cherished it because he liked Luci…a lot. 

Luci had sent over a scanned version of the contract, so they went over it together with Harry sitting next to her for moral support; and from what Gemma said, the contract was clean. The most important thing that Gemma was looking for was that Luci had a say to back out of the contract, and it stated that clearly. Gemma told her that she could sign the contract if she wanted, and that eased Luci’s anxieties, making her thank Gemma almost a million times for her help. 

The next day, Luci met up with Samantha for brunch with the signed contract in her hand. Samantha was delighted to see that it was inked with her signature; she told Luci that this won’t be the only thing she was going to sign because so many people are going to want her autograph. That made Luci smile, giggling a tad bit at the thought of it. 

By the beginning of October, Samantha called Luci and informed her that she was booked for an audition for a supporting character in Ocean’s Eight that was to be released late next year. Luci was surprised at how quickly Samantha was able to get her an audition, but they didn’t call her the best for nothing. 

With only two weeks to prepare, Luci put her time and effort into rehearsing the few pages of the script Samantha had sent her. Luci didn’t have a talent coach whatsoever, so she tried her best to see every aspect of her acting, jotting down notes on the margins so she could further better herself. She was hiding her stress and nerves quite well as she tried not to freak out about how insane this opportunity was to even audition. 

When her audition was only two days away, she called Ren for the traditional pep-talk that inspired and motivated her to do better and to try her best because that was all that she could do. She wished that her family was physically next to her so she could feel the comfort and warmth that they provide because after all, they are home and always will be. 

Luckily, some producers were in New York holding auditions, so she didn’t have to fly to California for a day or two. She’d never felt more intimidated and nervous than the moment she stepped inside the medium-sized room that was painted in a light gray tone. A long foldable table was in the middle of the room with a small camcorder on a tripod next to it. Luci’s had many auditions, but this…this was real shit, the real deal. She was standing in front of Hollywood and big name producers who’d never heard of her name until the moment she walked in and they had a glimpse of her portfolio. 

She introduced herself, masking the nerves that were crawling up and down her body with a warm smile—not too bright, but enough to show her gorgeous grin. They asked her to read off of page twenty-three to twenty-five; taking a breath, she gave all that she could. And in her opinion, it’s the best acting she’d ever done, which is saying a lot because she thinks she did quite well after every show of Miss Saigon. 

The producers’ faces were unreadable as they simply looked at one another, writing a few notes on their yellow notepads. Luci wanted to lurk, to see what they were writing as she hoped they weren’t disappointed or had immediately crossed out her name from their list. 

They thanked her for coming in before dismissing her; she thanked them as well, waving as she walked out the door where she released the biggest sigh. It wasn’t from relief because she was still on edge of the result of her audition, but she felt like she had been holding her breath for the ten to fifteen minutes that she was in that room. Her heart was pounding quite sturdily; and if she was being honest, her mind had completely blanked out once they yelled ‘action,’ but that was usual for her. 

Now that it was ten days after her audition and Halloween, Harry practically begged Luci to get out of her apartment. She knew that she couldn’t stay cooped up in her room as she overthought the audition constantly. She began to get headaches from overthinking every single thing she did in that audition, and it drove her insane. 

So, when Harry suggested that she should go to the Halloween party that Daisy was throwing on the rooftop of her building, she dreaded it at first, but the thought of going out was calling her. She assumed Daisy wouldn’t want Luci to be at her party, but she invited the entire cast and a few more people that she knew personally, so it wasn’t like Daisy was going to speak to her. Since it was a party, everyone could bring a guest or a few friends, so that was when Luci begged Harry to attend with her. 

“Please, come with me.” She had her best pouty lip on, looking at him with doe eyes. Just by that look, he almost gave in, but he wasn’t sure if this type of party was for him. Harry was a mellow and chill guy; he didn’t need rooftop parties and unlimited amounts of booze. He was fine with a small gathering, a few movies and board games—now, that was his type of party. “The party would be so much more fun with you there.” 

Harry playfully scoffed. “Please. Luci, I’m the most boring guy there is.” 

Her brows furrowed in disagreement. “No, you’re not. I happen to think you’re quite fun.” He smiled softly at her in appreciation. “Please. We wouldn’t even have to stay that long.” 

He could tell that she wanted, no, needed him to be there with her. She wasn’t very close with her cast mates—despite all the months she’d been part of the production—besides Nina. But Nina knew everyone so Luci would be left awkwardly standing there, waiting for her friend to come back. 

“How long would we stay?” 

Her eyes brightened with hope. “However long you want.” 

“An hour? Hour and a half, tops?” 

“Sounds perfectly fine to me.” 

“And what would we wear?”

Luci was a bit shocked by his question. “You wanna match?” 

“I mean, that would be fun, right?” She nodded, agreeing. “Since it is quite last minute, I say we dress up as the 70s or 80s era. Pretty easy, right?” 

She liked the sound of that. “Yes, let’s do 70s! I wanna raid your closet because I know you have some gems in there.” 

Harry laughed out loud—her favorite laugh that was music to her ears. He knew he had a great sense of fashion, and he’d always go to the thrift store to pick up something that he’d never worn before. It wasn’t like he was not going to wear it, he just needed to be more comfortable with himself to wear the clothes that he buys. So, for now, he settled with black skinny jeans and patterned-print button downs, which is the most ‘flashy’ he’d dress as…for now. 

“I knew I liked you for a reason because I was hoping you’d say 70s.” Luci felt her cheeks warm up before they went to Harry’s apartment. 

It took an hour and a half to find an outfit that Harry liked; it would’ve been shorter, but with Harry’s 70s playlist that was playing in the background, they took breaks to dance and sing. Harry had a beautiful voice, Luci thought; and she wondered if he was ever in a band before or wrote music because he does have an elaborate music taste, and that added to Luci’s liking for him. 

They proceeded to go to Luci’s apartment so Harry could help her find an outfit. He brought his wireless speaker so the music wouldn’t stop; and she continuously threw the articles of clothing onto her bed—where Harry was lying on his stomach—every time he shook his head no. 

With the same amount of time it took Harry to decide on an outfit, Luci settled on hers. She looked in her full-body mirror, twirling around to see if it looked okay and if she was satisfied with it. Harry remained on her bed, admiring how beautiful she looked as he thought that she was way out of his league. As Luci was dancing and prancing around her apartment, Harry was deep in his thoughts; he didn’t know if asking Luci out was the way to go. Not only would he lose her as a friend when or if she rejects him, but he couldn’t bear the ache he would feel in his heart. 

For his own sake, he needed to protect himself before the heartbreak; and if that meant refraining himself from making a move, then that was completely fine to him. 

“Ready?” Luci called out from the doorway. Harry got off the bed, looking her up and down. 

She was wearing peach colored pants that flare at the bottom, sitting high on her waist; a white silk blouse with orange accents, a long brown coat because it was quite chilly outside, and pink glasses that were transparent. He thought she looked absolutely beautiful, and her outfit was meant for her. The colors matched Harry’s outfit as he wore rust-orange pants that sat wide at the bottom, a flashy patterned long-sleeved blouse with the collar matching his pants. Luci gave him a similar pair of glasses as hers, so they weren’t wearing shaded lenses in the nighttime. 

“Yup. You, uh, look really good.” 

Luci smiled, shrugging one shoulder. “Thank you! You look good, too. This color looks amazing on you.” 

Harry looked down at his outfit, hiding the blush that formed on his cheeks. “Thank you. I like it a lot.” 

They headed out and towards Daisy’s apartment building where the rooftop was large enough for everyone to stand comfortably without feeling like they were shoulder-to-shoulder. There were plenty of lounge chairs, and a few tall bar tables next to tall heaters, considering it was just below fifty degrees. 

Some people were making their way towards Daisy's apartment since it was too cold outside, but Harry and Luci decided to stay, both agreeing that the heaters were keeping them warm as they sipped on their drinks. 

“Luci!” Nina walked over towards her, giving her a hug; Luci made sure not to mess up the placement of her fairy wings. 

“You look amazing!” Luci complimented as Nina put her hands on her cheeks, thanking her friend. Luci could tell that Nina was a bit drunk already as her eyes were drooping and she couldn’t stand straight on her own two feet. 

“Harry! I’m so glad you’re here.” He smiled saying hello to her. Nina and Harry met in July when he had gone to see another show. He was giving Luci another bouquet of flowers—the same bundle that he gave her the last time since she told him that she really liked them, and they looked amazing on her windowsill—and she dragged him to find Nina since she was performing the same show. Nina immediately gave Luci that certain look that said ‘he’s really cute,’ and Luci just nodded, giving her an apparent look as well. 

“Did you bring anyone?” Luci asked, knowing that she was talking to a few guys; her favorites, from what Nina told her, was Laurent and Alec—the two guys that are in her Soul Cycle class, one on Monday and the other on Friday. 

Nina shook her head. “No. I wanted to get fucked up today and didn’t want any of my mans see that shit. Oh! Can I take a picture of you two? You both look so cute!” 

Luci looked at Harry, silently asking and he nodded. She stood beside him, not knowing whether to put her arm around his waist. They’d never taken a picture together before, after all the months of knowing each other. Luci handed Nina her phone before she turned on the flash, taking a picture of the two. Harry hesitantly puts his arm around Luci’s shoulder, making her look at him, smiling. She then wrapped her arm around his waist as they both smiled at each other before looking back at the camera. Nina was squealing behind the phone because she just captured the cute and quiet interaction between them that made for a sweet candid. 

Nina handed Luci’s phone back to her before she told her that she was going to talk to some other people. The two women hugged, and Nina said goodbye to Harry. 

Harry leaned into Luci’s side, bending down slightly. “Send me those pictures, yeah?” 

A chill ran through her body at the sound of his voice so close to her ear. “Sure,” she croaked out, sending the pictures to him. 

After a few moments of light conversation and humming the beat of the music, Harry asked, “So, which one is Daisy?” 

Luci looked at him, quite shocked as to what sparked his interest in her, but she didn’t say anything. She looked around until she spotted her in a leather catwoman suit, hugging her body tightly that Luci thought it was cutting off her circulation. But she had to admit that it looked amazing on her. 

“That one.” She slyly pointed at Daisy who was talking to some of her friends. Luci was surprised to see that Samuel wasn’t here, considering that he was part of the cast. Daisy and Samuel seemed to be in their ‘off again’ stage of their relationship; and no one who was part of the cast or who was close to them could keep up with how many times they’d been through that stage, but they seemed to like each other too much to call it quits for good. 

“Hmm. She seems nice.” 

“Yeah, she does—to everyone except me.” They were both looking at Daisy, and it was like Daisy could sense a few eyes on her, so she looked around and made direct eye contact with Luci. She excused herself to her group of friends before making her way towards her and Harry. “Speak of the devil.” Luci sighed, making Harry chuckle. 

“Luci! I’m so glad you made it.” Daisy faked a smile as she greeted Luci with a hug, which surprised both Luci and Harry. Daisy pulled away, immediately locking eyes on this. “Oh, who’s your friend?” Instantly, Luci knew why Daisy was so nice to her; it was because she spotted Harry and didn’t want him to think she was such a bitch. 

With her brows furrowed, Luci shifted a little closer to Harry who was standing there and not saying anything. “This is Harry.” 

Daisy flashed him her stunning smile that wooed almost everyone. “Hi, I’m Daisy.” He shook her hand, introducing himself. “Your outfit looks really good.” She complimented him. 

“Thanks, Luci helped me pick it out.” He smiled at Luci, who was smirking. For a second, Daisy rolled her eyes before she returned to her big smile. 

“Would you like to get a drink with me? I see you’re almost empty.” Daisy’s eyes pointed at his cup, which only had a small sip lingering at the bottom of his clear plastic cup. 

“Uh-”

“C’mon, just one drink?” Her voice was innocent and sweet, nothing like the cruel and rude Daisy that Luci knew all too well. 

What Luci expected Harry to say was that he was okay and that he didn’t want a drink with her, but he responded quite the opposite. 

“Okay, sure.” Luci’s head averted towards Harry as she looked at him with shock and a face asking what the fuck he was doing. But he shrugged as Daisy clapped, grabbing his wrist and pulling him towards the bar. Luci huffed, watching the two walk away and she was left by herself with a watered down drink and the cold air. 

She figured she’d wait for him to come back to where she was sitting, hoping he wouldn’t take too long. 

But twenty minutes had gone by, and Luci started getting annoyed.  

Thirty minutes, and Luci tells herself that she doesn’t care and mindlessly goes on her phone. 

An hour had gone by when Luci huffed, mentally saying that she does give a shit and goes to find Harry. 

How long could one drink take anyways? Definitely not an hour, Luci thought. She searched the rooftop for the two, only to hope that Harry was looking for her too. After ten minutes of looking around the rooftop, passing her cast mates who were asking her to take a shot with them—she took another one, adding more alcohol into her body—she couldn’t find Harry. She started to think the worst; he could’ve possibly taken Daisy home, or Daisy could have taken him up to her room—either way, she didn’t like any of those options. 

For a minute, she mentally debated if she should check Daisy’s apartment, which would be better since it was warmer indoors than it was out—she was convinced it got colder once Harry left her side—but the negative side of her mind, who was taunting her like the devil on her left shoulder, told her to check if Harry was inside because she wasn’t going to like what she was going to see. 

Either way, she needed to find Harry and she didn’t want to go home without him, so she went inside the building and took the elevator down to Daisy’s floor. There were people walking in and out of her place, so it wasn’t that difficult to find which one was hers. With the same amount of people inside her apartment as there was on the rooftop, Luci made her way through the nice and luxurious apartment. She was just on the edge of tipsy; the drinks with her coworkers had gotten her there. Heading up the stairs, she passed by people who were making out, cuddling on the steps, and talking. 

Once she got to the end of the hallway, she had almost given up on her search for Harry until the door at the end of the hall opened, revealing Harry who was leaving and quietly closing the door. 

Luci stood in the middle with an expressionless face. He hadn’t seen her yet, but the way she wasn’t giving any emotion didn’t mean that she didn’t care; the thoughts in her mind were invading every inch that there was just too much to focus on. 

Harry turned around, stopping in his tracks once he faced her. 

“Hey,” he greeted softly. 

“Hi.” 

“I’m sorry for leaving-”

“Were you…” Luci referred to what was happening inside the room as she couldn’t finish her sentence because the thought and the words simply disgusted her. 

“N-No.”

“Why do you seem unsure?” She was testing him; she heard the hesitancy in his voice, like he wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell the truth. 

A new attitude rose him. “Why do you care?” His voice was a tad bit harsher, but he was a little confused on why she was questioning his actions. 

She inhaled and exhaled deeply, crossing her arms, avoiding his question. “I’m going home. Are you coming with or…?” Harry bit the inside of his cheek, remembering that she hadn’t answered his question, so he’ll ask again later. He nodded, and Luci turned around; he followed. 

The entire ride on the subway and walking towards their apartment building was quiet. They didn’t even sit next to each other like they always did; just across one another, avoiding eye contact.

It was when they were both in front and unlocking their doors was when Harry spoke up. 

“Luci.” She stopped her movements, turning around slowly as did he. This time, she looked at him so deeply in the eyes that it was physically difficult for her to take her eyes off him. “Why were you mad at me before we left?” 

On the ride back home, Harry thought about the events at the party. He’d never seen Luci so annoyed at him before, so it got him thinking a lot about what she felt for him. She was jealous, anyone could see that, and he wanted her to say it out loud why she was jealous because he could name a few reasons. 

“Did you have a good time with Daisy?” 

Harry breathed out a chuckle. “You’re jealous,” he stated immediately. 

“Answer my question-”

“Then answer mine.” 

The tension was so thick that with just one small poke of a needle, it would collapse and break. They’d never had this type of conversation before, where the tension was rising and the room felt warm; they were always playful and laughing with each other that neither of them thought they were capable of having this certain type of energy with one another. 

“I was mad because you left me alone at the party…with Daisy of all people,” she said honestly, leaving a few things out. 

“Is that all?” He raised his brows, crossing his arms. 

Luci shook her head. “That’s not how it works, Styles. I answer yours, you answer mine.” 

A smug grin landed on Harry’s face. “Did I have a good time with Daisy?” He repeated her question. “To be honest with you, no. She was pretty drunk, so I took her to her bedroom—that’s why I was in there, She was…nice.” Luci sensed a ‘but’ trailing. “She even asked me if I’d wanna go out some time.”

“What’d you say?” 

He tsked. “Not how it works, Suki.” Luci rolled her eyes, letting out a soft huff. “Hey, they’re your rules.” He chuckled. “Now, answer this: why were you jealous?” 

There was a surge of confidence that Harry’s never felt before; maybe it was because he knew things Luci didn’t know herself, but watching her unfold those realizations was definitely feeding his ego. 

Luci sighed deeply before she started. “Knowing that Daisy could possibly get anyone she wanted was a bit of an insecurity of mine when we were on our way to the party. That was because I knew she’d want you. I mean…look at you, you’re literally so gorgeous.” Harry blushed. “And I knew that it was inevitable that she would ask you to hang out; I was just surprised when you said yes.” 

He nodded. “I rejected her when she asked if I wanted to go out.” A bit of weight lifted from Luci’s shoulders, but not completely as there was still something heavy she’s been wanting to say. “Why’d you hope I’d say no? Besides the obvious that she’s mean and rude to you.” 

Alright, time to fess up, Luci. 

Luci inhaled deeply, hoping her confession wouldn’t have him running for the hills. “Because why would you go out with her when you could go out with me? Like, on a date…” Her anxiety was up to her chin as she locked her hands behind her back, preventing them from shaking any more than they already were. 

That one simple question had answered all of the other questions swirling in his mind; not the ones that were asked in the rapid fire round of questioning and answering under the thick cloud of tension over them, but the ones he asked himself a few months ago when he was doubting that she’d ever felt something for him because all this time, she had felt something, and she just asked him out. 

His heart flipped. “You wanna go on a date with me?” 

“Yeah, I’ve been wanting to ask, but I didn’t know if you were interested in me or not,” she said shyly. Luci hadn’t asked someone out before—someone she was really interested in. She’d either wait until they asked her and if they didn’t, she’d move on and pretend that her feelings for them never existed. But Harry was different; seeing him with Daisy tonight had made her realize just how much she felt for him. He made her laugh, smile, and he was such a kind person. 

“I’d love to.” He suddenly answered, taking her back a little. 

She looked at him with wide eyes. “R-Really?” 

“Yeah. I’ve been meaning to ask you too, because I’m very much interested in you, but I didn’t know you were interested, well, until tonight.” Luci giggled. 

“I made it pretty obvious that I was jealous, huh?” 

“A tad bit, but it’s sweet; and I wasn’t gonna go on a date with Daisy. She’s no Luciana Ivy Suki.” He teased, making her face heat up at the sound of her full name coming from his lips. She wanted to kiss him right then and then, wanted to taste the sweet taste that he was storing in his mouth; but she refrained from doing so, figuring that they’d wait until after their date—whenever that was—to wait to kiss him because it would very much be worth the wait. 

“Okay, I’ll, uh, plan the date then.” Her lips turned up, feeling a certain ache on her cheeks already from smiling too much. 

“Can I plan it too?” He genuinely asked. 

“I did ask you, Harry.” She raised her brows teasingly. 

“Alright, alright. I’ll plan the next date then.” He blushed. 

Luci tilted her head, smiling sweetly at his words. “The next date, huh? We haven’t even been on the first date; what makes you think there’ll be a second one.” 

“Oh, love, I think there will be.” Harry stepped closer to her, heart pounding in his chest; Luci gulped at the closeness. For a moment, she thought he was going to kiss her by the way he was looking at her intently. And for a moment, she was gonna give in and say ‘fuck waiting,’ and kiss his pink lips until he leaned forward and kissed her soft cheek for a brief moment. “Can’t wait for our date. Let me know what the plans are.” 

“O-Okay.” The touch of his lips on her skin had stunned her, and she wanted them back on her instantly. 

Harry opened his door, giving Luci a small smile before walking in. She started to slowly back into her open apartment, holding onto the door handle tightly. Before they closed their doors, they stared at one another, admiring each other before they said: 

“Sweet dreams, Luciana.” 

“Sweet dreams, Harry.” 

November 8, 2017 

Harry strongly knocked three times on the door right across from his own door with a bag full of takeout, another bag full of snacks, and a small brown bag that had a white box inside. 

The door swung open; Luci smiled at the person behind it. 

“Happy Birthday, love!” Harry greeted.

“Aww, Harry, thank you so much.” She was surprised that he remembered, let alone bring a celebration to her as she eyed the bags in his hands. Luci turned twenty-six today; her day was full of greetings from her cast mates, her family, and FaceTime calls from her brother and parents. She was going to make a trip back home for a day or two since she had to perform on Friday, but she was going to see her parents during Thanksgiving, so FaceTime calls had to suffice till then. 

Stepping to the side, she invited him in. He hugged her tightly, kissing the side of her head as her face heated up. They walked to the kitchen, and Harry set the bags on the countertop, unraveling the tie of the takeout. 

“First, I’m sorry for just showing up unannounced and invading your place.” He added a breathy laugh. 

“No, it’s okay! You’re welcomed any time,” she genuinely said; Harry made a mental note of that. 

“Second, this is not a date. I know you didn’t want today to be our first date, but I couldn’t just sit in my apartment and not do anything on your special day! So, here I am.” 

“Here you are.” Luci couldn’t help the warmth that rushed to her face and neck. 

“Third, I brought Chinese since it’s your favorite food. And I just so happen to know a lovely place that has the best Chinese in Brooklyn, which is my favorite place that I’ll take you to soon, but know that you’re so incredibly special because I never take anyone there.” He took the takeaway boxes out of the bag, opening them up as steam released from the boxes. 

Luci leaned against the countertop. “And what makes me so special?” Teasingly fluttering her eyes. 

Harry stopped what he was doing, looking at her intently. “You’re so sweet, funny, and incredibly kind. But most importantly, you’re grounded and humble; and you’re special to me.” His dimpled poked through his skin as he smiled, meaning every word. 

Heart flipping, stomach in knots, and tears washing over her eyes, Luci walked around the counter to hug him, head resting against his chest as she whispered a ‘thank you’ in his ear. 

For the rest of their night, they ate the authentic Chinese food while Harry told her about the restaurant he got it from, including the workers who owned the place. They also talked about work, teased, flirted, and bantered about whether fruit belonged in salads—they do not. 

Harry gave her the brown paper bag that held her gift, and she opened it with shock. He gifted her a gold circle pin that was customized with her initials engraved in the middle, and the saying ‘Shine bright, Dream even bigger,’ separated at the top and bottom. He’d noticed that she had pins on her travel backpack, and would occasionally wear one on the side of her baseball cap. It was the most thoughtful and attentive gift she’d ever received, and that earned Harry a tight hug and many thank you’s. 

After the night was coming close to eleven-thirty, Harry called it a night as he still had to wake up early tomorrow for work. Their goodbye at her door was a long one that was filled with tight and long hugs as they swayed for a moment, enjoying the warmth of each other. They promised each other that they would find a day that was open in their schedule so they could finally have their date; they even pinky swore on it—Harry kissed her pinky, vowing. 

Luci watched Harry open his door before walking inside his apartment; she blew him a kiss as he caught it, placing his palm on his cheek, making her smile. 

As they closed their doors, Luci couldn’t help but think that she just had the best birthday ever. 

November 17, 2017 

Luci’s leg nervously shook as she waited for her digital clock to hit 2:30 p.m. 

Today was Luci and Harry’s first date, and will hopefully be written down in history. She’d been anticipating this day for a while now, and she couldn’t believe the day was finally here. The few days after she asked him out, they tried settling on a date, but the two weeks after Halloween were booked for them. 

Luci was performing most days out of the week and Harry needed to figure out his teaching plans since it was close to Thanksgiving break and winter break. But when Harry found out that he had a random Friday off, he immediately told her, and to their luck, Luci wasn’t performing that day. So, they were settled on a day, and Luci couldn’t wait to take him out. 

She told him that he was going to need to dress warm since they were going to be outside for most of the day, so he opted for light blue jeans that were a bit baggy, a white t-shirt, a black coat that had faux fur on the thick collar and cuffs; since he, assumingly, was going to be walking around a lot, he wore black old school vans. Harry looked in the mirror, ruffling his hair in his hands to get it to stick the way he wanted it to. His hands slightly shook as he was fixing his hair, and he realized he hadn’t felt this nervous in a while; it had been a while since he’d gone on a date with someone he truly liked. 

When it hit two-thirty, Harry opened his door and locked it before taking a step forward. He took a breath, shaking his nerves off; as he was just about to knock, he heard Luci shuffling around inside her apartment as her keys jingled in her hands and her boots thudded against the wood. He put his hand down, thinking it would be nice for her to just see him right when she opened the door. After a few moments, Luci felt like she had everything she needed, so she swung her door open to only find Harry standing right in front of it, hiding behind a familiar bouquet of flowers—her favorite ones from him. 

“Hello.” He smiled, dimples clearly present. Luci felt like she could cry on the spot from just being so overwhelmed with her nerves and the anticipation leading up to this day, this moment. “These are for you. Hope you never get tired of them.” Harry handed her the bouquet, and she hugged them to her chest. 

“Harry, thank you. Believe me, I would never.” The start of her cheek aches had begun, and it had been about thirty seconds into their date. But cheek aches with Harry were her favorite type of aches, so she didn’t really mind it. 

She went back inside her apartment as Harry followed her in; she put the flowers in a vase before fixing them a little, making sure none of them were drooping down on the edge of the glass vase. Placing them on her windowsill, where she usually puts the flowers Harry gifted her, she smiled gratefully at them before turning her head and smiling at Harry, extra grateful. 

“Shall we go?” He asked, and she nodded. 

Harry followed Luci down to the subway station as she got on the M train. In eleven minutes, there were four stops; the subway was quite packed with no available seats, so the two stood, holding onto the silver bar in between them with their bodies close in proximity as they stood. Harry took the chance to look down at her, simply admiring her beauty as she mindlessly looked around, not noticing his eyes lingering on her. 

When their stop was on Essex Street, they got off, transferring onto the F train towards Coney Island; and Harry suddenly knew exactly where they were going. He didn’t say anything but smile. The entirety of the ride took forty-two minutes with twenty-two stops; they were able to sit down next to each other after the first stop. 

Their bodies were close—thigh to thigh, shoulder to shoulder. Luci took out her wired earphones—figuring they were going to be there for a while, why not listen to some music—handing Harry the left one as she put the right one in. She played Fleetwood Mac, Tame Impala, ABBA, Lorde, and Hozier—a few artists they’d bonded over—as they both swayed in their seats, making up some dance routine with their arms and shoulders. They laughed and ignored the weird looks of bystanders, who were trying to have a peaceful train ride to their destination, but Luci and Harry were too focused on each other to care. 

Once it was their stop, Luci put her headphones and phone in her purse before they got off and walked side by side one another. Harry had the urge to pull her close to his side, to hold her soft hand, but he was too shy to make a move. When they walked up the stairs to exit the station, their fingers brushed together—practically bumping into one another. Luci confidently made the move and linked their fingers together; Harry looked down and back up at her as he blushed, squeezing her hand lightly. 

“Is this okay?” She asked, looking up at him. 

“It’s perfect.” He meant it; the way her small hands fit so perfectly into his, as if he was protecting them. Holding her hand was comforting, and it surprised him at how comfortable he was to be making physical contact with her; but ever since he met Luci, he’s surprised himself quite a few times already. 

They finally reached their first date hotspot, and Harry assumed right as to where she was taking him. 

Three wide entryways painted in navy blue and orange had ‘Luna Park’ painted in orange at the top. Above the entryways were large flower-like and crescent moons that lit up during the nighttime, giving the boardwalk the most illuminating glow. The large Ferris wheel could not be missed as the carts swung and rattled back and forth. On top of the excitement of the amusement park, there were screams from people who were on the roller coasters, and the smell of fair food that they couldn’t wait to devour. 

Luci paid for their entrance admission, and Harry frowned, wanting to pay, but they both agreed that they could go half on the food, and games and rides. 

They felt like little kids who were at Disneyland, minus the famous castle and Main Street music, as they walked around the park to check it out as the wood beneath them creaked with every step while they hadn’t let go of each other’s hands. 

“Everything looks really fun,” Harry exclaimed.

“Right! Do you wanna play some games first or ride on some rides?” 

“How about we get the rides out of the way? You look very excited to go on them, and I have a feeling there’s no way you’re not going on them without me.” Harry assumed, quite accurately. 

Luci put her hand on her heart teasingly. “You know me too well.” Harry chuckled. “Okay, let’s go on some rides!” She dragged him to the admissions booth, and Harry paid for both of their passes for rides. 

They waited in line for the ‘Cyclone,’ which was the biggest rollercoaster besides the Wonder Wheel. Luci sensed Harry’s nerves as he kept looking up at the ride, and he couldn’t keep still. 

She squeezed his hand tightly. “Harry, you don’t have to go on the ride with me.” She was starting to feel concerned for him because his hands were becoming damp, which she didn’t care for, and he kept bouncing his leg everytime the line stopped moving. 

He raised his brows, and brushed away his nerves to the side but not very far. “No, no. It’s okay—I’ll be okay.” 

“Are you sure?” 

Pressing a kiss to the back of her hand, he nodded. “I’m sure. We’re here to have some fun, not be nervous, right?” 

“Yeah. But I’ll admit, I was nervous before we left,” she said, hoping to change the subject to distract him from the fast ride above them. 

“Why’s that?” He curled his lips into his mouth. 

“This is our first date, I want it to go well,” she said honestly. It had been a while since she’d been on a real date—the last one being in college—but to be nervous for a date was a feeling she wasn’t familiar with. 

“Think it’s going quite well, don’t you think?” He gave her a toothless grin, brows raised. Luci nodded, happy that he was always reassuring her and making her feel comfortable. “Plus, I was nervous too—still am, if I’m being honest.” 

“Yeah?” 

He nodded his head as if his nerves were the most obvious thing. “Oh, yeah. I want this to go well too. But by the way we’ve been friends for months before this happened, I think we’ll be okay, Ci.” Her eyes slightly widened at the new nickname that she’d never heard; Harry instantly noticed her shock. “I-Is it okay if I call you that?” To be honest, he’s always wanted to call her some unique nickname that would only be for him. ‘Luci’ seemed to be the name everyone called her, ‘Ana’ was her brother’s name for her, so the last syllable in her name seemed to be free. 

“No one’s ever called me that.” And she thinks that’s extra special. “But yes, please call me that.” She approved, and he smiled. 

It was their turn to get onto the Cyclone, and Harry suddenly didn’t feel so nervous anymore as they were being safely strapped into their rollercoaster cart. The ride was quite high, looking over the blue water and Coney Island Beach; the view was quite gorgeous, even in the middle of a cold November day in New York. 

They screamed as the ride dropped; Luci held up one of her arms as the other held tightly on Harry’s hand as he grasped the metal bar, afraid to bravely put his arm up like his beautiful date. 

When the ride was finished, they had a rush of exhilaration, wanting to go on the other rides. So, they did; they laughed, screamed, and were the most carefree people they’d ever been in their entire lives because they brought it out of each other. 

After they filled their rollercoaster crave, they ate and talked. Individually, they were both worried about this part of the date where they had to talk because they’d been hanging out for so many months and getting to know each other that they thought coming up with conversation topics were going to be difficult. But it was natural for them; they didn’t put any pressure on themselves to speak every single minute of the date. Instead, they relished in the comfortable silence they seemed to form, not minding it one bit. 

The sky had turned into a cotton candy pink from a bright blue quite quickly. Luci wanted to watch the sunset, but was a bit sad that they hadn’t played the majority of the games; but Harry told her it was okay, and they would come back another time when the park reopened again during the Spring. 

Hand in hand, they walked to the beach that was just across the street from Luna Park. The bright lights from the park were becoming distant as they continued to walk further away from it. Since it was mid November, there weren’t that many people out because of the cold temperature—just the few people who were passing by along with others who decided to watch the sunset as well. 

“Tell me about your last relationship?” Luci suddenly asked; Harry looked at her amusingly. 

“Like now? In the middle of our date?” He teased, making her laugh. 

“I mean, if you want to. I was just curious.” 

Harry thought for a moment. “Hmm. My last serious relationship was over a year ago. We broke up right before I started teaching at the middle school.” 

“What happened?” She asked softly, not wanting to pry, but she was also curious. 

“We weren’t good for each other anymore. I guess life happened, and we turned into people we weren’t proud of. We grew apart; she was more in love with her career than she was in love with me. Couldn’t say I was the best boyfriend either,” he explained, not getting into too much detail. But he’d neglected her without even realizing it, causing his ex to occupy herself with work. “So, we broke up. And it felt like it was a sign from the universe that was holding me back from venturing out because I immediately got a job at the school when I had been putting off finding a proper teaching job.” He breathed out a chuckle, remembering the memory.

He’ll admit, his last relationship had hurt him quite a lot. He’d never felt such pain before, and it had made him quiet and reserved. But how it ended made him not seek out to find a relationship. For a while, he didn’t like the idea of love because it had only hurt you. But then he met Luci, and at first, he was hesitant to even be her friend because just at first glance, he was ruined, and he didn’t want to go through that process again; but here they are now. And maybe, he’ll tell her this, but for now, he doesn’t want to scare her off. 

“Do you still talk to her?” 

“Nope. Last I heard of her, she was engaged to this woman she met a few weeks after our breakup, but I have no clue if they’re still together.” He shrugged his shoulders. “What about you?” 

“My last relationship?” Harry nodded. “To be honest, I’ve never been in a serious one…like ever.” 

He raised his brows in shock. “Really?” 

“Yeah. The furthest I’ve gone that was close to a relationship was a friends-with-benefits towards the end of college, which didn’t end well.” Harry sensed her mood change a bit, so he didn’t pry on asking what happened in the past. The bad memories had filled her mind, making her frown, but she pushed those thoughts away, not wanting to think about them at the moment because the timing is unbelievable. “That’s that; I don't have any exciting or tea-spilling relationship stories.” 

For a moment, she didn’t want to jinx her luck, but she imagined what it would be like to be in a relationship with Harry—despite it only being their first date. Her mind took her to a fantasy that was so special and sweet because that was how she pictured what it would be like to be with him. 

They sat in silence as the sound of the waves crashing and the seagulls above them took over their hearing. It was nice and refreshing to sit side by side, taking in the beautiful scenery that the world provided. Sunsets had always made Luci feel a vast amount of gratitude towards the world and the people around her; the opportunities, the things that she got to see—they all wouldn’t have happened if the sun didn't go down, promising a new tomorrow. 

Suddenly, Harry stood up, brushing the sand that had gotten on his jeans. He reached out to Luci, who was still sitting down and looking up at him. 

“C’mon. Let’s walk,” he suggested. She grabbed his hand as he helped her up, and she patted away the soft sand that had stuck to her black jeans. 

They held hands as they walked the shore of Coney Island Beach, walking towards where the sun was departing from the world. Once the sky had turned into a purple and orange blended masterpiece, Harry stopped walking, facing Luci as he took a deep breath. 

“I’m trying…really hard to hold back.” He held her cold hands in his, lightly pushing and pulling her towards him. He’d been thinking about it for the entirety of their date, and he just wanted to pull her in and kiss her whenever.

Luci shook her head softly as she stopped swaying; her eyes flickered towards his mouth, glad she wasn’t the only one thinking the same thing. She dreamed of this—had been wanting to press her lips against his for quite some time 

“Don’t hold back. Please, don’t hold back.” Her tone and eyes were pleading for him to not refrain himself from the most magical feeling. Luci let go of his hands, wrapping them around his waist as if she was giving him permission to kiss her. 

He placed his hands on her shoulders, gently rubbing down to her elbows before he trailed them back up and to the sides of her neck and jaw. Placing a soft kiss to her forehead before placing his on Luci’s, he inhaled deeply, taking in the saltiness of the ocean next to them and the sweetness of her skin. 

Luci fluttered her eyes closed, and Harry took that opportunity to connect his lips with hers. They molded their lips together as if it were one, tasting one another for the first time. The feeling of their passionate kiss felt like the ocean had synchronized together, forming the most beautiful and largest wave for the most dedicated surfer; and when it crashed, it was powerful, breathtaking, and strong—like no other wave could top this one, no one could top this one of a kind kiss. 

Harry smiled into the kiss, making Luci smile and giggle as well. Her stomach fluttered, hugging him tighter to her as his thumbs gently caressed her soft skin. Nothing could top this feeling. 

Pulling back, Harry breathed out a giddy chuckle before placing a few more pecks on her lips as if he was dreaming the first time. Luci opened her eyes as did he; she looked into his and found an immense amount of adoration within him. 

“I like you…a lot.” 

She leaned her forehead against his chest, cheekily smiling and restricting herself from squealing before she looked back up at him. “I like you too, Harry.” 

Harry flashed her his smile, something that he couldn’t wipe off his face, not like he tried. Nowadays, he was smiling a lot more, and he was one hundred percent sure Luci was the cause of it. 

Kissing her forehead, Harry hugged her to his chest as they watched the sun go down. With her face pressed against his chest, she heard the erratic heartbeat that was pounded heavily; and in that moment, she knew exactly how that felt—to feel so much for one person that your heart could fall out—and she only hoped he could feel hers because it was pounding just the same. 

As they held each other tightly, they both knew that this was going to be something special. 

And they were all in for the ride.

an exciting chapter! come talk to me about your thoughts, feelings, favorite moments and scenes! thank you for reading <3 next chapter will be up next saturday!

#harry styles fanfiction #harry styles au #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles x oc #harry styles smut #harry styles series #harry styles writing #harry styles ff #harry styles fanfic #boyfriend!harry #actress!oc #harry styles #hs au

[droshawoluv]

FF7 characters traits and moments that aren’t talked about enough.

I’m kinda tired of entering twitter and seeing wicked weird theories or fake leaks shared that goes soooo against what the characters are and were during 25 years, and I’ve been wanting to do some remarks of what people COULD talk about more about the characters in FF7 instead. And I mean all the cool characters, not just their self-insert characters and ideas, SO! some things I love summarized:

CLOUD STRIFE

(My favorite character) His actual journey through his identity issues that are super hinted before the reveals, but also how he opens up about his vulnerabilities through the journey, to his close friends (barret+tifa) or the group itself (after Aerith death) about how insecure he is, how scared he is, with one of my favorite phrases of him “There’s someone inside me (...) who’s not really me”; but also opening up about his fake persona until now after the lifestream admitting his flaws that lead to believe he wasn’t the one who thought and reach his lowest point at the Northern Crater in the most anticipating heart wrenching moment of the future remake(s) personally.

BARRET WALLACE

After what happen with Dyne, Barret starts thinking about a lot of things -Cosmo canyon and its planetology being the perfect place for it-. One of those things is reevaluate the decisions and stance he had in Midgar with his activities in Avalanche, admitting that behind those actions, there was a big sense of personal revenge covered by his “save the planet” speech (I personally think admitting when you were wrong about something needs a lot of courage and wisdom that’s why I love it). All that introspection will end up on his resolve to fight for his daugther future and save the planet through other ways that involve learning about the planet and its resources. Being a true hero for the planet eventually

TIFA LOCKHART

Tifa deals with the biggest emotional rollercoaster in the entire game, by far. There’s so much confusion in her head, summed by the tragic event that hit her both in the past and during the game. She dealt disc 1 with all the confusion about Cloud’s odd behavior and her own twisted memories, scared of doing something that would fuck up everything;  AND YET! She never got lost in all of it, refuse to stop believing in her childhood memories and was allowed to save her last link to her hometown from despair, and will lead to help save the world eventually. In her rich story, her resolution to not lose herself in the middle of everything is an admirable trait of her

AERITH GAINSBOROUGH

My favorite Aerith trait BY FAR has to be with her struggles and basically existential crisis about her role as the last Cetra, now that she left Midgar because shit goes down. It’s something lost in the remake -and ignored in the OG- imo, but moments like this show her fears through the journey, and what she thinks are her obligations while talking to the planet. All of that add for her final resolution of “I’m going alone because I’m the only one who can stop this”, and its eventual fatal consequence for her (that of course, still help to save the planet at the end).

NANAKI - RED XIII

I think when you talk about Red you talk about the Seto quest, and not to blame anyone, it’s pretty relevant. But I also appreciate his change in his behavior, in particular, he shows a mature attitude through the journey because he refuses to accept he is still very young, and even better, after that first visit to CC, he embrace that fact, and understand that he has a lot of room to improve, grow and learn. In his final visit to CC, Bugenhagen suggests him to go out there, and learn what the world has to offer (side note: another incoming heart wrenching moment in the future), in another hint of his journey to learn about the planet that will eventually be on Case of Nanaki.

YUFFIE KISARAGI

Every hour is ‘Missing Yuffie Kisaragi hours’ in here, the apparently spoiled thief kid who’s actually the only one in Wutai, the land humiliated by Shinra, that wants to turn things around, and keep the traditional might of her land while refusing to surrender her own culture to Midgar and its soft power invading it. Her conflict with her father it’s really dope, and have a nice discussion about strength and determination. With the Wutai war and its fake Avalanche link out there, she can have a great role in the future. 

REEVE TUESTI / CAIT SITH

When people talk shit about Cait Sith I immediatly think about Reeve, the actual dude behind it and its interesting character. My favorite part being his opposite point of view from Barret’s. Even if their last goals coincide, he wants to save people from within as best as he can instead of recurring to extreme decisions (either from Shinra or from Avalanche). All of that works great to have some polarity with Barret in the future and potential tension between them, but he still believes in the group and can be the diplomatic leader the city needs in the future.

CID HIGHWIND

Talk about character development, how great it is to go from being a grumpy dude with anger management issues, to start embracing his important role for the fate of the planet and its people, and during the achievement of his longtime coming dream to understand the power of humans when they desire and create something, taking the lead to convince the others they have the chances to protect the planet from the threats that it is suffering amidst the huge universe (when even the main character is having a defeatist attitude at the moment).

VINCENT VALENTINE

Vincent is very similar to Cloud in some aspects. But what I like about him is that after giving himself a punishment for not stopping Gast+Hojo+Lucrecia, he eventually takes a step forward and participates with the group to have his redemption through action instead of pushing himself away alone, and that not only includes the expected “kill hojo and stop sephiroth” but also give some closure to Lucrecia so she can also rest in peace and being able to move on too, opposite to his passive role in the past.

#Final fantasy VII #Final fantasy 7 #Cloud Strife #Barret Wallace #Tifa Lockhart #Aerith Gainsborough #Red XIII #Nanaki #Yuffie Kisaragi #Cait Sith #Reeve Tuesti #Cid Highwind #Vincent Valentine #OG FF7 #I love these characters so much #FF7 #FFVII

[poisonfallen]

Your take on cancel culture and stan culture?

Oh boy, oh boy, it's happening.

Alright, let's talk about toxic people on the internet. And keep in mind that my opinion goes beneath the mcyt community. I feel the same about the kpop community and any other community that is famous for having lots of toxic people. 

Also, keep in mind that this is my opinion about these topics, I don’t intend to offend or misinform anybody. I might be wrong, and if I am wrong indeed, please help me correct any mistake that I’ve done.

Cancel culture

Before ranting about its toxicity, let's understand what it actually means and how it works.

What is cancel culture? 

Well, according to Wikipedia, “cancel culture or call-out culture is a modern form of ostracism in which someone is thrust out of social or professional circles – whether it be online, on social media, or in person” (source). 

Basically, cancel culture is the process of ceasing offering support to a public figure after saying or doing something that is considered objectionable or offensive. 

In theory, cancel culture is a good thing that helps the victims speak up and properly defend themselves, as well as preventing other people from doing the same mistakes. No harm done to innocent people, just a way of saying why a certain person or a certain company has done something that really hurt a category of people. Some even say that it’s an exercise of free speech.

However, while a culture that encourages calling out inappropriate behaviour is important, a culture that is quick to cancel and reluctant to forgive is something that divides the internet and starts wars in the trial of defending an opinion that is not shared by every single person on the internet, thus becoming the thing that its purpose is to defeat. (a vicious cycle of hatred)

So why is it toxic?

From my point of view, I don’t think that cancel culture is a toxic thing in theory. But the way people actually use it is what concerns (and bothers) me. 

In its current form, anonymous and fuelled by negative emotions, cancel culture has the power to destroy a person’s career in a matter of minutes. There are no gray areas, just the white and black pack mentality: “I am right and you are wrong”. 

The subject of the cancelation becomes “cancelled” for disagreeing with a certain opinion, and the cancelled one feels like the whole world is hating them. No one can argue that going through a cancellation, no matter how big or small it is, can severely affect one’s mental health and leave them scarred for life. 

Cancel culture, at this point, is bullying someone famous without facing the consequences. We are already used to surf the web and stumble across someone’s cancelation over something that not even in our wildest dreams we would be able to imagine otherwise. 

I think that all of us are familiar with a stupid cancelation, like canceling someone over a burger that somehow became the sole reason of obesity (see: Dream MrBeast burger). We can’t help but laugh at people trying to cancel someone for a stupid reason. 

But, unfortunately, not all of our cancelations are stupid or laughable. There are people cancelled over their physical aspect or them not being political active, people cancelled over being friends with certain people or over saying something that is now considered to be slightly offensive a few years ago. The ones who are under the spotlight can’t make jokes or take decisions by themselves, they are supposed to be the marionettes of their fans. 

(I do not intend to say that all cancelations are bad, but I’m trying to highlight how the majority of the most recent cancelations are out of place. If someone actually tries to actively harm your minority, your beliefs etc. you should call out that inappropriate behaviour, but without purposely harming that person as a means of payback) 

There is also a toxic behaviour that I’ve noticed in a cancelation: the “I forgive you”/”I don’t forgive you” phrase used by people who have no right to do so. If you are part of the minority who has been hurt, then you have every right to forgive or not someone for saying or doing something hurtful towards your minority. 

But if you are not a part of that minority, shut the f*** up. By speaking on behalf of a minority while you aren’t part of that minority you take away the right of actually addressing the issue from the people who are part of that minority. You can support them from the sides and let them express their pain with their own voice. They perfectly capable of addressing the issue, they need your support but not you taking the spotlight away from the actual problem.

What is my take on cancel culture?

I think that there are more civil ways of resolving an issue without actively trying to destroy someone’s career. Instead of cancelling that person, we could educate them (but not in that harmful way I’ve seen on twitter) on the subject and on why their words or actions are hurtful. 

We should remember that we are all humans and that every human makes mistakes. Don’t forget that children learn by making mistakes. And while I’m well aware that we are not talking about children here, you should also be well aware that we are talking about actual humans with feelings. 

Cancelation should be the last weapon we use, but only if that person refuses to give an apology and educate themselves on the subject. 

Overall, don’t. Just don’t cancel people. Don’t attack people on the internet. Don’t try to harm people on the internet. 

Some of you might disagree with my opinion and I’m open to criticism as long as you can help me educate more on the subject.

Now let’s move on to the other topic

Stan culture

Before I start talking about this one, I’d like to point out that stans actually scare me, a lot. 

What is stan culture?

“Stan culture describes an online phenomenon in which communities of stalker fans, or stans, engage in overly enthusiastic support of a favorite celebrity online (called “stanning”), including at times vehement, coordinated attacks against detractors and critics” (source). 

Basically stan = stalker + fan. 

There are also people who say that the word stan comes from Eminem’s song “Stan” which tells the story of a crazed fan. I do recommend listening to the lyrics of this song if Eminem is not your cup of tea, it’s a good intake in what stan culture was at the beginning of 2000′s.

To be honest, I don’t have anything more to add at this section. Anything more I’d say would, in the end, be the same as what was already stated. (but you can see my opinion on it with more comments at the end)

It stan culture toxic?

You have to live under a rock if you had never seen a stan on twitter or tumblr. You usually recognize them by their profile pictures, the content they share, their posts and their ready to argue behaviour in case you insult or disagree with the ones they worship. 

I’d like to point out that there is a fine line between a stan and a fan: stans know no length when it comes to defending their object of worship and often have really toxic ways of expressing their opinions, while a fan is there just to enjoy their favourite content without engaging in harmful discussion and hate speeches. 

This topic is filled with controversy. In essence, stanning should be a means of showing support. The majority of them don’t even realize the toxicity they spread only after leaving the fandom. 

The real problem here is the moment when they engage in conflicts without entertaining the thought that they might be wrong. Anything they do is right and their object of worship can say or do no mistake. This extends to the point of sending death threats and even doxxing. 

For those who don’t know about doxxing, short for dropping dox: doxxing is an internet slang that means to publish personal information (of an individual) on the internet. You can find more about it here.

With no intend to disrespect or disregard one’s religious beliefs, you can say that stanning is like being part of a religion. The stans are the extremist people who practice that religion, while the fans are those who practice it from time to time (eg. like a Christian who goes to Church only on Christmas and Easter - me). 

In the end, stan culture is toxic to both the stans and celebrities. 

Is there a connection between stan culture and cancel culture?

They are both toxic internet cultures, this one is right for sure.

From what I’ve noticed during my short timed stay on twitter, a lot of cancelations are made by stans from the same community or different communities. 

I’m part of mcyt community, so I’ve seen a lot of Dream fans and Dream antis fighting over the past months, trying to cancel each other and harm each other. It’s mental seeing people actively trying to do these kind of things just because they love or hate a certain person. Of course that we can’t tie the situation to a certain content creator. 

I know that his also happens a lot in the kpop community where stans are in a constant fight to destroy the career of each other’s favourite idol group or bias (someone's most favorite member of an idol group). 

What is my take on stan culture?

I feel like I need to repeat myself: stans scare the s*** out of me. 

It’s like their sole purpose in life is to support someone and don’t have the basic sense of boundaries. A lot of problems arise with this: like shipping people who are uncomfortable being shipped with, intense sexualizing (sexualizing the minors is the worst from my point of view), creating drama and intentionally ignoring real world problems just to make their favourite person(s) trend, and the list is so long that I feel like I’d create a record on tumblr for the longest post if I go on. 

We are talking about some weird adaptation of Lord of the Flies where children raise each other on the internet. It’s like a cult and they are brainwashed into believing what everybody else thinks. And the worst part is that I don’t think we’ll ever get better from this, things are only going south to heaven. 

I might be wrong and biased, so I do expect someone to help me understand these topics better, but for now these are my firm opinions. 

I’d also like to clarify, once again, that in the religion example I’m not making fun of Christianity, I’m just using it as a means to help people better understand my point.

#if you think doxxing and death threats are justified unfollow me #I'm sorry but I'm so fucking sick of internet at this point #or even better block me you fucking coward #I feel like I have lots of words misspelled but it is what it is #cancel culture #stan culture #mcyt #kpop #free speech #censorship #stanning #important #personal opinion #ask

[heretherebedork]

Hi, I mean no offence when asking this but why does it seem like leo and fiat’s relationship is overly sexualised on this app…feel like the only thing ppl talk about when it comes to them is related to who dominates who in the bedroom whereas on twitter I feel like ppl are actually interested in the storyline and character developments? I get that ppl interpret their relationship as having a d/s undertone but it’s like they don’t exist as individuals beyond that for some

Frankly, because part of what interests me about their dynamic and relationship is the D/s undertone both sexually AND as an inherent part of their personalities, friendship and relationship.

Now, I'd also like to point out that I've seen plenty of posts about how cute they are, how silly it is and generalized comments about them and I've made plenty of those myself as well.

But the idea of them having D/s undertones to everything they do is not always sexaulization nor is it inherently different than talking about the storyline and the character development. If you think that noticing how Leo is most comfortable and able to communicate when he has Fiat pinned to a wall isn't about his character... I've got news for you. It is.

(Also, tumblr as an app first and foremost? Oh, you are young, aren't you?)

I'll also state that the majority of the fans of this show that I interact with are on the older side. Typically adults. Often with experience in the kink scene (this does not describe me, except for the adult part, but a lot of the others are) and that also shapes the conversations happening in regards to their character, storylines and character development.

How do you discuss a dynamic where Leo has always been the one to take charge, to take care of Fiat, to watch over him and to love him from afar without using some terminology from D/s subculture? How do you describe Fiat's need to be protect, wish to be loved and comfortable with it, for his need for Leo to show him that he loves in actions and words constantly, without discussing how that would affect a relationship?

How you look at the fact that the single point in the entire episode besides Leo asking Fiat to be his faen that they seem comfortable together is when Leo pins Fiat to a wall and gives him an order without considering the implications of that in their relationship, their storyline and their character development?

Talking about D/s is not just saying 'who fucks who' in this situation. It's a deep dive and discussion into how their relationship could develop and how their characters interact with each other throughout the show. I, in fact, have no opinion on who fucks who in the bedroom because that is not what my thoughts on their D/s relationship is about.

My thoughts are about how they talk to each other, how they show love, how they receive love, how to they feel most comfortable in relationship to each other and what they can do to help their relationship be comfortable, loving and everything it could be.

Is oversexualition in BLs and straight-made Queer media? I mean, sure.

But when it's a bunch of queer people discussing it, maybe take a moment and a step back to look at what is being said.

Also, i don't go on twitter at all and have no idea what they're talking about and don't really want to know if this is how people view the discussions.

#don't say no #leofiat #meta #i rant a bunch #uh #anon asks #anon answers #seriously where is this idea that any mention of d/s is extreme sexualization? #also is no one talking about this on twitter really? #lol i don't believe that #also 90% of my posts have been about them being idiots

[wielderofmysteries]

Jace Beleren, Masculinity, and the Trans Experience

(This post is a Twitter thread I wrote in response to a Goblin Lore podcast episode called “Jace Beleren and Toxic Masculinity”.)

I feel I have a unique perspective on this topic as a trans man. Trans man Jace isn't my headcanon, but it's an interpretation I love. He's my favorite character of all time, and as a trans man, I feel like reading Jace's flaws as toxic masculinity isn't quite right.

There are several "pillars" of toxic masculinity that Jace doesn't have. He doesn't have the self-destructive emotional repression, worship of sex and violence, or desire to subjugate women and his peers that men who experience toxic masculinity have.

Even BEFORE Ixalan, Jace was an example of many positive masculine traits. He was curious and emotionally open. He wrongly believed he could make decisions for others, but he cared for people, wanted to protect them, and couldn't sit idly by when he knew people were in danger.

In Agents of Artifice, he financially provided for Kallist and Liliana, and in Magic Story invited the Gatewatch to live in his home. Jace wanted to heal Garruk, tried to stop his rampage and had a Hedron implanted in Garruk's shoulder to relieve the effects of the curse.

"I don't want to hurt you, Garruk."

"Lucky for me, I don't feel the same way."

"Garruk, this is not a fair fight. You've suffered enough. Please. Come with me."

[...]

Jace stood in thought. Garruk held him by the throat, could end his life in an eye blink, had already proven he was immune to Jace's illusions. Garruk laughed again. If Garruk was open to having friends, then Jace might have been a good one.

"You win," said Jace. "We will leave you alone. I will not seek you out. But please, if you change your mind, come find us on Ravnica. Something is still not right here. We can help you."

In "Revelation at the Eye" Jace tells Ugin that Zendikar isn't a puzzle to be solved, and that it didn't matter if killing the Eldrazi has consequences, there are real people on Zendikar fighting for their lives and he needs to help them.

"Zendikar isn't a puzzle to be solved," said Jace. "It's a place. It's somebody's home. And those people are out there, right now, fighting for their world and wondering if anybody's going to help them kill what's killing them."

He showed scenes of suffering, then—of families mourning the lost, of landscapes ravaged by Ulamog, of even the skies and seas teeming with the Eldrazi menace.

Ugin cocked his head. The hedron architecture of the chamber seemed to melt and flow, became a pattern of tessellating dragons mocking him from the walls.

"So certain," said Ugin, "and so young."

Ral Zarek tried to kill Jace and ruined his relationship with his close friend Emmara, but in "Project Lightning Bug", Jace forgives him. Jace is honest about his feelings with Ral even after Ral was openly rude to him.

"I don't remember home," Beleren said quietly, unbidden.

"What?"

"You talked about growing up in Ravnica. A lot of my memories from my childhood are gone. Chopped up in my head into a few impressions. Most of what I remember begins here, on Ravnica. I'll never have roots here the way you do, and I admit I'm off to other planes a lot. But I think of myself as Ravnican to the core, too."

In Kaladesh block he wanted Chandra to be able to confide in him, and didn't want to stay home when he heard she could be in trouble. He used his mind magic to help Nissa sleep when she had a sensory overload in the busy city.

Nissa looked up. Jace and Gideon were exchanging a look. Both glanced at her.

They stood as one.

Jace turned toward the coat room. "I'll head to Kaladesh. It should be easy for me to—"

Lavinia appeared in his path, one hand resting on the pommel her sword. "Again?" she said, in a weary, disappointed tone.

He frowned up at her. "You can't expect me to sit here and do paperwork!"

Across the streets, beyond the barricades, the Consulate's panharmonicons are still blaring "The Gremlin's Wedding March" at us on infinite repeat at double speed. They left them on all night, and after the moon set Nissa started crying, hands clamped over her ears.

[...]

Jace sat down with her. They talked a minute and his eyes flashed. She curled up in a big potted plant and didn't wake up until the sun fell on her.

But what does being a man mean to Jace Beleren? Well, take a look at his feelings towards Gideon. Jace saw Gideon as the male ideal. I think Jace admires (and is envious of) the way Gideon is a representation of positive masculinity.

Eyes widened, jaws set. They understood their task, he was certain of that. But were they actually prepared to perform it?

What would Gideon say?

Jace smiled. Of course.

"For Zendikar," he said, raising one fist in the air. It felt thin to him, lacking Gideon's armored fist, his baritone war cry, his iron conviction.

None of that mattered. The soldiers shouted as one voice, holding their weapons aloft.

"For Zendikar!"

Gideon is not violent or hypersexual. He's kind, not afraid to ask for help, a defender rather than an aggressor. The pillars of toxic masculinity are absent in both Jace and Gideon. So why does Gideon's mere presence make Jace insecure? I think that insecurity is dysphoria.

I'm only 5 feet tall. People treat me like a kid, think I need help, and certainly don't see me as a man because I'm very small. It feels bad knowing my looks don't inspire others or make them feel safe like big tall guys can.

Gideon is super tall, muscular, conventionally attractive. He's charismatic and a natural leader. Gideon's like a human lighthouse. Jace is average height, out-of-shape, often pale and sickly, and his telepathy makes people automatically distrust him.

It's easy to see why people follow Gideon's lead so easily rather than Jace's. As a trans man, I personally related to Jace's insecurity. He feels inadequate compared to Gideon.

"I'd rather stand," said Gideon.

Jace stood up. It was an error. He still had to crane his neck to look Gideon in the eye, and now the size difference between them was glaringly obvious. He hated feeling small. Hated it.

Jace wanting to lead the Gatewatch didn't come from a desire to dominate others and be an ~alpha male~, but from a desire for people to believe in him. What Jace really wants is to prove to himself and others that he's competent and that he can be trusted.

This vision appeared whenever the man was struggling at a task.

[...]

"Listen, you aren't really suited to this task. Let me handle it." The vision's voice was gruff but friendly.

It came off as condescending.

The man was annoyed.

"I can do it myself."

The hallucination sighed. "You and I both know you're not suited to this. Let me handle it, you go philosophize on the other end of the beach."

"I said I can do it myself." The man let his irritation reach his voice.

"No, you can't. I call the shots and execute, you stand to the side. That's how this works."

The man responded by throwing his hook at the hallucination. It went straight through the figure's eye and landed behind him on the sand.

The time he spends with Vraska is so good for him! I loved that [the podcasts hosts] talked about how he was finally happy to follow someone else's lead! He didn't need to be a leader, he needed someone to trust him. She respected and loved him and thought he was incredible for who he is.

Vraska looked him in the eye. "You're incredible. You know that, right?"

Jace returned her smile and felt his cheeks warming. "I do my best."

"Well, your best is incredible," Vraska said, turning toward the central tower and approaching a large gate on what appeared to be its back side.

Liliana never told Jace he was incredible.

Liliana would have scoffed. She would have made a dismissive joke, rolled her eyes, and called him a show-off. She would not bother to talk to him for days. She would consume the body of a demon with a crocodile's jaws and laugh over the sound of its flesh tearing off. She would do all sorts of things, but she would never call him incredible.

It was important for Jace to get that validation. Now he's not insecure about his appearance. It's not that he finally developed into someone who was caring. He was caring all along, but he was held back by insecurity about how others perceive him. He learned to love himself.

Despite all his good qualities and deeds he still felt insecure because it wasn't easy to visually see him as a "strong man". I think it's important to acknowledge positive masculinity even when the man in question isn't attractive or charismatic, and even if he makes mistakes.

As a trans person, Jace's experience reminded me of the struggle to "pass". It's frightening how easily insecurity can turn into toxic masculinity when you feel different from "real men". If you don't look the part, some people will just never acknowledge you.

Next to 'perfect' guys like Gideon, it's easy to see our own perceived weaknesses and shortcomings. Easy to feel resentment for it. But from this struggle comes the strive to be better men, to be confident in ourselves, and comfortable in our bodies.

There's SO much I wanted to talk about, like how Jace's trauma shaped his need for control, how the IRL gamer guys he was created to represent actually hate him, how he's a male victim of abuse by a female partner, etc but this thread is already terribly long.

TLDR; I think toxic masculinity as a reading of Jace is missing some perspective. The trans perspective. Not all insecurity men experience is toxic masculinity. Sorry I totally should have waited until part 2 was out, but I couldn't stop thinking about that episode.

There's a lack of trans men's voices in... basically everything, and this is something I think we should definitely be included in. I'm so grateful for the Vorthos community opening these kinds of discussions. Super excited for part 2 of the podcast!

#mtg #jace beleren #magic story #analysis #long post