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gilly-bj · 3 years

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Why the “Eremika kiss” doesn’t affect Rivamika at all

In the new chapter, we saw for the first time something that we didn’t expect to happen in the manga: a kiss, between Mikasa and (dead)Eren, probably not like we all imagined. This kiss hit everyone hard, also the Eremika shippers, who weren’t very happy with the fact that Eren was already dead when Mikasa kissed him. Eremikas unfortunately weren’t the only ones sad, also lots of Rivamikas had this feeling and, I was one of them.

When the chapter came out and I saw Mikasa kissing Eren, I literally crashed (windows.exe stopped working); my whole body stopped working and the only sensible thought I could elaborate was: “Wait, WTF!”. After I scraped together that quantity of calm that could make me, at least, sit down, I started to write posts that I’ve already eliminated, so don’t look for them because I made them disappear, because my opinions changed radically.

Quick note for you guys from your G: in these cases, don’t write immediately what you’re thinking in that exact moment. I was incredibly frustrated, so the posts I wrote were full of complaints. I didn’t analyzed the kiss from other prospectives, because for me it was only the “eremika kiss”. Remember to wait at least the traduction of the chapter, official or not; you’ll have enough time to reflect on it and elaborate opinions lucidly.

Anyway, in this post I’ll talk about three things:

Eremika’s conversation and Mikasa’s dream

The kiss and why it doesn’t affect Rivamika

Final considerations about RM

The subheadings are written in their own special colour, so if you’re not interested in one of them, it will be easier to find the other.

Let’s start!

• Eremika’s conversation and Mikasa’s dream.

Mikasa has an headache and she wake up in her ideal world, where she lives with Eren in a isolated cabin in the woods. This chapter is from Mikasa’s pov, and note that her perfect image of home is again showed, probably for the last time. I think that Mikasa’s feelings for Eren were kinda obvious, apart from the fact that I never liked or supported them, they are here and we can’t do anything against them.

But I’ve never imagined to see that kind of selfish dream from Mikasa; she is the girl who always cares for everyone, the one who is ready to sacrifice herself for the well-being of her friends, the one who loves them and support them independently from the situation. To be honest, it hurts to see that in her dream, Armin isn’t with them; if there wasn’t Levi, my shipper heart would have hurt but I’d understand, they aren’t so close yet, but Armin, they’ve grown together.

But I’m not mad at Mikasa, each of us has a selfish dream deep inside, where we’d rather sacrifice others to save our special person; it doesn’t mean that we don’t love them, it’s just, if we’d have to choose, we’d prefer to keep safe only him or her. Let me explain better my point with an example: imagine a man who lives in a country at war; he has the possibility to save just two people and he has to choose between his wife and daughter or his parents. He would probably save his wife and daughter, but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love his parents. Choosing between the people we love is the most painful thing in the world, but sometimes we just have to do it, and in Mikasa’s case, she’d choose Eren.

Anyway, before talking about the conversation, I want to analyze a little detail: during her all dream, Mikasa and Eren are in their teen form, why? Well, my interpretation is that Mikasa is still in love with the old Eren and she can’t understand the new one, indeed, one she said: “I’ll bring the old Eren back”. Even if she doesn’t completely understand him, she still loves him, and that’s why I adore Mikasa.

Anyway, let’s analyze better their conversation:

Eren wakes Mika up and he states their situation in that moment, how they ran away leaving the others to their cruel destiny. Now, do we all agree how that doesn’t fit Eren’s character, at all. His most famous line is “Fight if you want to win”, which it shows how brave he is; if he’d run away with Mikasa, he would act like a coward, and he can’t accept cowardice.

And here, Mikasa’s biggest regret: the answer she gave to Eren; remeber when she said: “If only I gave him another answer”, and in her dream she probably did: thanks to Eren’s words, we can assume that Mikasa told him to run away with her, to leave everything, probably what she wanted to answer in the reality. I interpreted that scene from chapter 123 like a Mikasa who couldn’t answer because taken by surprise, and then came up with a thing she didn’t mean who is still harassing her.

Let’s say that the Eren in the previous panels was Mikasa’s idealized version, but then something changes. Look at Eren’s face:

The marks. And why did they appear casually? Because, this is the true Eren, the one they are going to kill, the one who wanted to give his probably last message to Mikasa, and in fact the most important part of the conversation: “Please...Mikasa, forget about me”. At this point, I really don’t understand what the Eremika shippers found romantic in this chapter, the fact that the last thing Eren said to Mikasa is “forget about me” made things clear enough. We can notice that Eren entered her dream by the falcon here, funny that Mikasa is actually flying on Falco right now.

I really started to appreciate Mikasa and Eren’s relationship thanks to this chapter; even if I wasn’t, and I am not, a big fan of the Eremika ship, thinking about their relationship made me a bit sad. Anyway, I love the fact that Eren wanted to tell this to Mikasa, I think he deeply want her to live a life without him, because he’s already understood that they have different life goals, different way of thinking, different natures.

Before skipping to the next point, I noticed that many Rivamika shippers’ve already talked about the similarity between Eren and Levi in some of the panels, I’m not going to dwell because I‘ll write a different post about it, but I wanted to say that it can’t be just a coincidence, Levi and Eren’s haircuts are very different and there’s no way to confuse them. I don’t know why Isayama did this; maybe it’s a foreshadowing, or maybe he just wanted to trol us (it’s always him), I’ll just wait patiently April to see if my assumptions are right 😌

• The kiss and why it doesn’t affect Rivamika at all

Ah this kiss, this damn kiss. Uff, let me sit down and let’s talk about it.

So, Mikasa decides to kill Eren and she enters his mouth thanks to Levi’s help. The first thing she sees is Eren’s head, and I think we should already stop and analyze better this moment.

Look at his expression: he seems kinda... happy and, maybe also proud. Why? Because Mikasa finally decided to do the right thing, she chose Humanity, she sacrificed him, the person she loves the most, for the others. That’s her development. Even if she’ll never forget him, she chose to be selfless over selfish, and I’m glad she decided to remember Eren; it’s awful to forget to ones we loved in the past, we shouldn’t forget them, after all, they made us feel beautiful things, thanks to them we gained fantastic memories, why should we completely remove them from our life? Feelings can change, they will change, and Mikasa will change her romantic feelings towards Eren, it’s simply natural, but asking her to forget him is cruel; Levi won’t forget his dead friends, Armin won’t forget his grandfather, Eren won’t forget his mum, and it’s beautiful this way.

Now, let’s get into the spicy of this post: the kiss. Let me the transform in a love specialist (I’m nobody XD). I really don’t see anything romantic in it. Really, is probably the most tragic and sad among Eremika’s interactions because it shows how Mikasa’s feelings have never been reciprocated; she already tried to kiss him, in season 2, and he “rejected” her (that wasn’t a explicit reject but, if I’m not wrong, he didn’t try the Coordinate before so he didn’t know if it worked, he preferred to risk his life instead of kissing her. Actually, that’s also Eren’s personality), and now, yeah she managed to kiss him, but he was dead, he couldn’t kiss her back, couldn’t say anything, couldn’t reject her. I think that at this point, Mikasa already knew Eren wasn’t in love with her, she isn’t stupid, and she saw that kiss as a way to set herself free completely, to close a chapter of her life.

Another thing: I really don’t understand how can EM shippers say that Eremika is canon just because they kissed, sorry, Mikasa kissed him?? A simple kiss doesn’t make a couple canon, you have to analyze the feelings behind it. Why many of them can’t simply analyze a bit the story? Just, a bit...

• Final considerations and Rivamika

When I saw many Rivamika shippers being so happy about this chapter I really couldn’t understand, like “why are they happy if Mikasa literally kissed Eren?”. Well, at first I was very confused, the posts I read made me feel relieved, but... I wasn’t 100% convinced yet, because I was listening only to what the others said, I didn’t have my own opinion. I could see only the kiss (as a negative thing), and not all the foreshadowings we got in this chapter.

I have a certain theory but I will write a separated post about it, here, let’s discuss why that kiss isn’t a problem for us RM shippers. So, my biggest fear was that Mikasa’d live her all life mourning Eren and wouldn’t open herself to someone new, not necessarily Levi lying. Anyway, like I said before, please don’t stress yourself with rushed considerations, it’s just useless. I think that the kiss acted like as a springboard for Rivamika; like I said before, I interpreted it as a way to set herself free completely, to not have regrets because obviously, it was a thing that Mika wanted to do. Levi’s extreme care for her in this chapter, his determination when he saw that she ready to do this such painful thing made me... fly. They fought together until the end showing for the last time their chemistry and fantastic dynamic. Their interactions in this chapter were really special and I hope that there’ll be more in the future, maybe not only as a team;)

In conclusion, I loved this chapter so much, I can consider it as my favorite because, it gave me chills, for real.

I’ll start to work on my theory so yeah, this post isn’t ended yet lol. Stay tuned because there, I’ll talk only about RM so it will be... maybe more interesting from a shipper’s view. Tell me what you think about this in the comments 💜!

#rivamika #gilly bj #long post #I loved the chapter #thank you for the rivamika shippers who supported me

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my-headcanons-academia · 3 years

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Inko chews out Endeavour

Characters: Inko Midoriya, Izuku Midoriya, Shouto Todoroki, Endeavour

Genre: Angst, a little bit of fluff and catharsis

TW: Mentions of child abuse, abusive home life, mental drain

Word Count:3 K

A/N: This may be a teensy bit long :3

•Okay listen

•Midoriya is god damn horrified when he hears what Endeavour did/does to his kids. He had obviously guessed that the second-best hero there is who is training his family to also become heroes would have some extensive regime but what Shouto explained wasn't "training" it was just abuse.

•He immediately offers Shouto and his sibling's a place with him and his mum without a moment's hesitation. They're not as rich as the Todoroki's or live in as big a house with as good food, but they're happy. •And when Shouto declines, Izuku isn't really sure what to do.

• it's not his place to tell any media or higher authorities, it'd drastically change the lives of Shouto and his siblings and would affect all of them the rest of their lives. He feels like he can't do much and a part of him feels like doing nothing means he's condoning the abuse that still happens in that home like the emotional neglect and things Shouto may not have mentioned. But he can't do anything about that right now, simply because Shouto won't let him. And while Izuku is fighting every instinct he has which is to take the Todoroki siblings out of there and into a therapist's office, it's not his place to do that.

•So instead, he does what he can for them, like offer to go places more so they're out of the house. Offer free anonymous therapy sites. Have their own improv therapy whenever needed. Promise to be there for whoever trusts him and for those who it may take longer to trust him.

•But with all his good intentions, he starts to bite off more than he can chew. Even when it's not in the midst of midnight therapy or distracting days out, it's constantly nagging at the back of his mind that he wants to do more and he isn't doing everything he can. He doesn't want to "fail" at being a good friend, since he hasn't had many experiences to base off (or any for that matter) but he is running out of emotional room.

•Contrary to the Todoroki household, Inko Midoriya actually notices when her child is going through some rough times and tries to do her best to help.

•I imagine Inko and Midoriya have a close relationship. With no other reliable parent figure in the house, they spent a lot of time together. Not only are they parent and child, but they are also friends who enjoy each others company. Inko may not always understand his fascination with All Might but she'll always ask questions and prompt him to go on about the differences in All Might's costumes and moves, even if she knows all the answers already in the same way Izuku may not understand why she enjoys sewing so much ever since she made him his hero costume but will not hesitate to help her go shopping for and carry new fabrics as she talks about the colours and texture helping boost peoples confidence. (She wants to get better at sewing so she can make a new costume for him that's better than ever before.) •And because Inko and Izuku were rather close, she knew his tells. she'd learnt well from their daily game nights to know when he lying and when he was hiding things. But that was during games. This was far more strenuous. But before she rushed in and crowded him, Inko thought that if there were really something he didn't want her to know, then she shouldn't know. So long as it doesn't hurt him. So, respecting the fact he is now a teenage boy and not a child anymore, she knew he was smart enough to make his own decisions.

•But also being herself, she still wanted to help, even if she didn't know exactly what was going on.

•At first, she thought Izuku wasn't sleeping enough because of the stress of UA so she'd plan days to the seaside or mini-holiday or they could try to make a new dessert or do a movie marathons to distract him from it. And she always took note of how very time she offered, he'd always insist some way or another that the Todoroki's join them which of course she had no quarrels with, she was delighted he loved spending so much time with his friends!

•When that didn't help she offered to get him a tutor, maybe he was anxious about his studies? She didn't trust her own education enough to tutor him as he was always impressing her with fun trivia and general knowledge but she'd taken a break in her sewing hobby to save up some money to be able to pay for a tutor.

•But when he began not eating as much, mind always preoccupied with something else than his usual hero ideology and theories, the day of the annual parent-teacher meeting and Izuku hadn't uttered a word since he got home, she sat him down on the couch, held his hands, his scarred and trembling hands, and she asked him. "Are you alright?"

•She's asked this many times before, every time he came home from school, every time she found him up in the middle of the night shakily drinking some water while staring at his phone as if expecting some death from the family. But this time? •This time her words echo in Izuku's head, getting louder and louder with each reverberation, picking up speed and other voices with every hit to his mind, the sound of text messages, quiet telephone calls, rushed breathing, stifled words, hearing footsteps from the other line, the need to help all drowning him in a cacophony of utter helplessness. •And he crumples against his mother, clawing onto her shirt like a life-jacket barely keeping him afloat above the ocean of noise only he is in and he cries. The tears stain Inko's cardigan and she wraps her arms around him, pulling him onto her lap like she used to when he was a child, she holds her son, her baby boy, as his tears dampen her clothes and his voice breaks choking on sobs.

•It was a long day.

•Izuku and Shouto had talked before about telling Inko or an adult or just anyone but there was always some reason, some excuse why it couldn't happen yet. It would be a decision all the siblings would have to agree to as it affects all their lives. Fuyumi was always hesitant, so cautious and making sure if anything were to happen nothing could be left to chance and all outcomes had to be planned. Natsuo wanted whatever would help everyone the most, and if no one was ready to do anything right now, then he'd wait. Shouto thought long ago that if what his father did to his family ever came to light, it would be brought up for the rest of his hero career and he'd never be able to truly escape his dad's hold if it always followed him like that. And until he met Midoriya, that's what he thought for years.

•Shouto was warming up to the idea of saying what happened to him specifically to someone. To see what would happen.

•And that is what Izuku could let slip. The things Shouto had told him at the sports festival, the reason for his scar, his spiteful technique and motivation to be a hero. •It was a long day. •The moment all was said and done, that he had run out of tears to cry, that he had ruined his mother's cardigan by stretching it with his grip and made it soggy with his sobs, that he could breathe without a hiccup or tremor interrupting him, he was completely drained. There was a mix of hollowness after spending so long building it all up, unsure every step of the way whether he's doing the right thing or not and the relief of finally letting there be room for him to breathe.

•But in his hollow chest was a stab of guilt, anxiety, crawling back up his throat and blocking his lungs like a thick mucus of worry. Had he done the wrong thing? It wasn't his place to say- He should have talked with Shouto more about this- Was he wrong to have done nothing so far?- Oh god he's done nothing right- this could hurt them-

• "Shhh," Inko gently held the back of his head and rubbed small circles with her thumb into the back of his neck, like she used to to do calm him down as a child, it still worked "It's-..." Inko collected her thoughts. It was certainly a lot to process, she had her suspicions but she thought she was being paranoid. She'll learn to trust her gut more. "It's not alright right now, but one day it will be. For you and for them."

•And that worry in his chest turned to blunt guilt, he shouldn't be the one crying while Shouto and his siblings have withstood literal torture all their lives, he should be stronger, he needs to be stronger to help them-

•"You are children. And none of you should have to deal with this. I know you're growing up faster than I can blink and you're being a hero more and more every day, but that doesn't mean you were prepared for this exact situation. They train you to fight villains and criminals and how to save those in immediate peril who want saving. Not thins like this." Inko continued to speak softly, pulling Izuku closer and soothing the back of his neck "Thank you for telling me and I can understand why you wouldn't want me to meddle as it may be out of my depth, but, two people helping them is better than one."

• Midoriya told Shouto what had happened and apologised for spilling too early, apologised for not doing enough, apologised for being less than open about the emotional and mental space he had to spare, promising to be more aware of it so long as Shouto continues to trust him and talk when needed. Shouto was confused as to why Midoriya was apologising so much as always and despite the apprehension in his movements, Shouto had spent enough time with Inko to trust her. And also to know that while Inko is kind, that isn't all she is.

•Shouto had seen her repay the kindness people had shown her tenfold with gifts, acts of service, compliments, reassurance and more. And something about that deep-rooted kindness tipped him off to the idea that if someone were to take advantage of her kindness or her son, that injustice too shall be repaid. And, as slow as it was and as long as it took, he knew she considers him her son too.

• Overall, the parent-teacher meeting was going well for most students. Most students were in their more casual clothes except those who had been too lazy to change out of their school uniform for the day albeit having their shirts scandalously untucked and top buttons undone (Except for Bakugo who in the presence of his mother for the first time had his tie actually tied, truly it was a sight to behold and blackmail photos to be used for months.)

• Amidst all the parents gathering together while waiting for the respective teachers to be free of their current appointments, there he was. Enji Todoroki, Endeavour in his hero costume supposedly fresh from the job. • And thus, politely fuelled by karmic fury the 5'2 force of nature marched up with a smile to the flaming rotting piece of shit excuse she can barely call a human being and greeted him.

• "Oh, hello Enji." Inko smiles. Izuku stands back with Shouto on the sidelines, watching the encounter unfold. • First of all, the informality caught him off guard. Usually, he'd be used to fans being "Overly-friendly" but something about the smile in her voice didn't sit right with the way fans usually say it. This turned a few heads.

• "And..who are you?"

• "Why I am so glad you asked, my name is Inko Midoriya, the woman whose house your son goes to every day but I suppose you wouldn't know that since as long as he's keeping up his work then there is nothing else to do with him at all," she coughed ", like parenting," and continued "Speaking of being in public I could never be as confident as you are to go to a casual event in a full-on hero costume but I suppose if it helps boost your ego then go for it! Although, speaking from the perspective of a concerned parent, aren't all of those flames a safety hazard! what if you were near a flammable thing like, oh I don't know, civilians clothes in a place you know where said civilians are tightly packed together, or there could be someone well-known to have a flammable quirk nearby or just a building's structure being, on the whole, a rather flammable thing?" Her head turned to the overgrown vermin who lead the school who had entered the room upon hearing there was a commotion "Not that I doubt UA's defence measures and predicted disastrous occurrences as no such thing has ever failed in the past. It's just the safety of children and the future generation of heroes after all." and just as quickly turned back to Endeavour

•"You know I noticed there are plenty of other pro-heroes here who are just fine in their everyday clothing because they recognise this get together is about their children's achievements and not their own. Why, if I didn't know any better I'd say you really are that insecure in your title slipping because that's what being a hero is all about, the title, that you'd distract entire families from the point of being here just to pay attention to you because it's not like being the second supposedly best hero there is credits you any attention."

• Enji barely had time to stop the flames protruding from his hero suit from dying out as peoples heads turned to pay attention. By now every student had pulled out their phone to record the situation.

•Nedzu was on his way over, laughing awkwardly ready to diffuse the situation but had miraculously been needed for a sudden important event in the teacher's lounge and was immediately escorted by Aizawa and Present Mic.

•"Oh and may I go on and say you truly are an inspirational story of how being raised as a gifted child must have been really difficult for you. Always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your life thinking you’re worth a damn without your quirk so you made it your entire personality until you developed your own actual personality because of course you, the Number Two hero would outgrow such a childish nature. That sounds rough," she pouted in mock sympathy.

• Endeavour snarled behind gritted teeth, barely stopping himself from acting out of hand at the public slander. "Just who do you think you are-"

•"Like I said, my name is Inko Midoriya, the pleasure is all mine I'm sure, or did you not hear me the first time while that fire was covering your ears? just like how it must have covered your eyes with choosing that outfit to be approachable. Oh do excuse me if that seemed rude, I'm a seamstress as a hobby you see so I tend to have an eye for when things are just wrong in every way. Honestly, if you didn't parade your title everywhere you go I'd mistake you for a villain on sight. You see, I'm only a seamstress and not a hero like you as you love to flaunt no matter the situation or need for it, but it must be so rewarding to save all those people every day and return to a home with your loving children and children who want to do the exact same thing and be exactly like you because you must be such good role-model and parent to have accomplished so much in your career and of course spent enough time on each of your children to help them grow to be happy, full of inspiration and their own dreams to fulfil. Oh, and of course your wife who must be so proud of the person you've become!"

• By this point the flames had been sputtering at random, a rare purple and even blue flamer erupting once and again as this woman continued talking and the parents out the corner of his eye who thought they were out of his sight nod their head and faces contort into realising the full weight of the truth they already knew but now understand.

• But Inko was nowhere near close to done, Endeavour could hear as much when she took a small break to smile and take a bigger breath to continue. • And blinded by the public's disapproval of everything he had convinced he had Done for the good of the civilians, he could feel the ground, just like his title, being pulled from under him as quicker heroes hit the back of his knees as Inko swung her handbag with the metal buckle across Endeavours face while she was being pulled safety away from the punch Enji hadn't realised fast enough he had thrown.

• The videos uploaded by students went viral in seconds

•"shocked" by the number two hero's emotional outburst with malicious intent to harm an unarmed civilian, Inko let it be known she found it unsuitable that he go back home to his children and instead of that they live with her and make a record with either police or a licensed therapist to make a note of any other emotional outbursts or strange and potentially dangerous behaviour in complete confidentiality.

#wow #a good parent?#in this economy?#bnha #mha #mha hc #bnha hc #endeavor #inko midoriya #izuku midoriya #tododeku #shouto todoroki #enji todoroki #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #Shouto x therapy #Inko x catharsis #INKO POPPING OFF

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slytherinwh0re · 3 years

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Terrible Things

Dad!DracoMalfoy x Scorpius Malfoy x Female Reader AU

Warnings: some fluff, angst, death, swearing

Summary: *Draco’s POV* Based off the song Terrible Things by Mayday Parade.

Masterlist

A/N: the flashbacks are in italics and the song lyrics are smaller and bold, I use * to split up the different parts to make it a little easier to read. This is saddest thing I’ve ever written, sorry lol

*Draco’s POV*

“What’s on your mind son, why’ve you been so quiet since you came home from school?” I look at the boy who’s face is almost an exact replica of the reflection I see in the mirror everyday, the only difference is that he has her eyes, her beautiful (y/e/c) eyes.

“Well, on the train back home my friends were telling stories about how their parents met and I wanted to ask how you met mum but I know it makes you sad sometimes when I bring her up.” I watch as he anxiously played with his fingers, something (y/n) used to do.

“Scorpius, if you ever have a question about your mum all you have to do is ask, never be scared to ask about her.” He nods his head in understanding, looking up at me with those innocent (y/e/c) eyes.

“That’s when I met your mother, the girl of my dreams.

The most beautiful woman that I’d ever seen.”

The great hall is practically empty, very few people ever woke up this early for breakfast on the weekends but (y/n) did and so I here I am at 7am, staring at her from across the room, once again.

I couldn’t help it, ever since I saw her under the sorting hat a few weeks ago I can’t get her off my mind, she’s too beautiful. I constantly catch myself looking at her but I couldn’t bring myself to talk to her, so instead I watch everything she does in facination.

Just as I was about to turn my gaze back to my cold eggs (y/n) looks up, catching me staring at her. She looks stunned for a second but the next thing I know the young witch is making a beeline straight for me.

“You’ve been staring at me.” She stands right in front of me, her eyes locked on mine. Merlin, she’s even prettier up close.

“No I wasn’t.” I don’t know why I bothered lying, it’s obvious I was.

“Yes you were, you have been for the past few weeks. My mum says that if a boy is staring at you it’s cause they’re gonna fall in love with you.” I feel my cheeks turn bright red, never expecting her to march over here and accuse me of such a thing, I have a mere crush on her if anything.

“Don’t be ridiculous, I just think you have nice hair is all.” That’s not a lie, I do think her hair is nice.

“Well, um, thank you.” The pretty girl blushes, taking a seat right next to me, she’s still facing me but this time she lifts her hand. “I’m (y/n) (y/l/n).”

“I know,” I say before I can stop myself, “I’m Draco Malfoy.” My ears are now pink to match my face as I shake her hand.

“I know.” She smiles.

“You met mum at Hogwarts?” He asks excitedly.

“Yes I did and I was just about your age too.” The memory makes me smile, remembering how inseparable we became after that day in the great hall.

“Wait, so did you start dating after that?” The question makes me chuckle.

“Unfortunately no, I didn’t ask her on a proper date until 5th year.” I tell the curious blonde.

“Dad, it took you 4 years to ask mum out on a date?” His eyebrows were raised high on his face as if to ask if I was serious.

“We were best friends, I didn’t want to ruin it, but once I did I had her wrapped around my finger for your information. Not that it mattered, I’d been in love with her for 4 years already.” I defend myself to the 11 year old.

“Now, most of the time, we’d have too much to drink.

And we’d laugh at the stars, and we’d share everything.”

“You’re hogging it again Draco.” I hold the bottle of firewhiskey over my head just so I could watch the small witch pout as she reached for it.

“Kiss me and I’ll think about it.” Immediately her lips found mine, I don’t know when I lowered the bottle but (y/n) had it out my hand as soon as she could reach it, using my moment of weakness against me. The sneaky girl was giggling over her shoulder as she walked over to the railing of the astronomy tower, looking up at the millions of stars.

I walk over so I’m beside her and take my time to really appreciate her beauty, the moonlight made her look more ethereal than usual. The girl could ask me to pitch myself off the tower and I’d ask which way she’d prefer me to dive.

This is our spot, we come up here as often as possible and talk for hours. I love it even more now that we’re dating, it’s the perfect place for a good snog after all and now that we’re older we bring up a bottle anytime we can get our hands on one.

“Draco.” She snaps me out of my thoughts by saying my name, my pretty girl is pointing at the cluster of stars that I’m named after, something she does every time we come here.

“You and mum used to get drunk on the astronomy tower?” Fuck, maybe I should’ve left that part out like I did with the snogging.

“Um, just that one time really.” I watch as my son rolls his eyes obviously not believing me.

“So you started dating 5th year and got married a couple of years after you graduated?” His eyes sparkle with the same curiosity she always had.

“You know that I love you will you marry me.”

“How did you do this Draco?” She questions as her eyes flit across the room in awe. I had set up the astronomy tower so it was illuminated with hundreds of small candles and a nice diner.

“I just asked Dumbledore, he said it isn’t a problem, it’s ours for the whole night. I know how much you love this place and I wanted to do something nice for you.” Her arms fling around my neck and her lips pepper kisses all over my face before finally landing on my lips.

“You’re the best, thank you Draco, I love it.” She smiles as she pulls away. We eat our dinner as we share all our memories in the school that brought us together. When we’re done she walks over to the railing and looks up at the stars, I already know what she’s searching for.

“Draco.” She whispers while pointing at the same stars from years ago but this time when she looks over I’m on one knee holding the ring that’s been burning a hole in my pocket for sometime now.

“(Y/n), I’ve loved you since we were 11 years old, I’ll never love another soul like I do yours, please do me the honor of becoming my wife. Will you marry me?” My heart pounds in my chest as I wait for her to answer, I watch as her eyes start to water, and her hand covers her mouth in shock before she finally starts nodding her head.

“Of course, of course, I’ll marry you.”

“I wish she was still here dad.” I squeeze my eyes shut for a second, willing myself not to cry as I think of the beautiful memory.

“So do I son but we have each other, and you’re the best gift she ever gave me.” I pull him in for a hug as he sniffles into my shirt.

“I love you dad.”

“I love you more Scorpius.” I kiss the top of his head just as he begins to yawn. “Alright that’s enough stories for tonight, time to go bed.”

With a final hug I watch as he heads to his room for the night, my sons questions haunting my mind as I lay in my own bed, on the left side, she always slept on the right.

“It seems that I’m sick, and I’ve only got week.

Please don’t be sad now, I really believe,

You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me.”

I hold (y/n)’s hand as she coughs into her handkerchief, her pale face a shadow of what it once was, even now she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. She looks at me with those eyes that are forever ingrained into my memory, the same ones she gave our son, she doesn’t have to say anything, I know this is it. Her time on this earth, my time with her, has run out.

“Draco,” her voice gravely as she lets out another horrible cough, “Draco, take care of him, love him enough for the both of us.” The tears fall from both our eyes as she struggles for breath, the incurable disease the doctors found weeks ago leaving her too weak.

“Of course my love, Scorpius is our greatest accomplishment, he’ll always love you like I do.” Her hand squeezes mine, our one year old son laying on her chest as she hugs him with her other arm.

“Don’t be sad Draco, the love you’ve given me is more than enough for me to die happy,” she catches her breath before putting her hand on my cheek, “you’re the greatest thing that ever happened to me my sweet boy.” Her eyes close, too tired to keep them open any longer.

That night I held her hand until it went limp in my hand, her final breath was the moment I lost a part of my soul. A single tear falls as I remember the beautiful girl that took my heart and held it in her hands since we were 11 years old, never once letting it go.

I fall asleep heart broken because life can do terrible things.

Tag list: message me if you want to be added or removed.

@tonksandherpinkhair @fuckingdraco @dracosathenaeum @dreaming-about-fanfictions @lovecatsnotpeople @ccabian @purpleskymalfoy @tonksandhercombatboots @hellounicorns @whattheactualfuckyeet @perfect-storm95 @prongsandprancer @agirlwithpointlessideas @explxsion @tb-ctn @capkatie @dracoxmgg @sydnee-kom-spacekru @slytherinxraven @emomikewazowski @juliannaamonroe @unadulteratedfirellamapanda @t38h @dracoswhore007 @d-malfoytb @daringvixon @missmercurymoon @weaslcyx

#draco malfoy #draco lucius malfoy #draco malfoy angst #slytherin #draco malfoy x you #draco malfoy imagine #draco x reader #draco malfoy x female reader #dad draco #draco #malfoy #harry potter fanfiction #draco malfoy x y/n #draco malfoy fluff #harry potter #draco malfoy smut #draco imagine #scorpius malfoy #scorpius

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bubsdolan · 3 years

Note

grays long distance girlfriend suprsing him for new years 🥺🥺

when grayson made the last minute decision to fly home to new jersey just days before new years, it throw a spanner in the works and your calendar. you were blinded with the sudden change, yet supported your boyfriend wholeheartedly as you knew he needed to be home and free more than anything. however, it meant your time zones were now pushed further apart and meant it would be a struggle to head into the new year with one another, even over the phone. a whole 24 hours apart to be exact.

you couldn’t bare the thought of starting a new year without the one person who got you through the last. you had been away from grayson for many more months then you liked to think about, and you knew you wouldn’t be happy until your were back in grayson’s arms. and that’s exactly why you booked the earliest one way ticket to jersey, no matter the price. your bags where packed, your nerves at an all time high, but you felt the happiest and most excited you had been all year.

the time difference made it easy for you to travel the long distance from your home town to jersey without grayson getting suspicious at your absence online. when he didn't hear from you hours on end, he assumed you were either sleeping, working or busy and would message him when you found the time. he never once pushed for constant communication on the days you were apart, as he always wanted you to put yourself and your everyday life before him- although that was never the case, he came first, always.

you had messaged lisa prior to your flight, sending her over all the flight information and the plan to surprise grayson, before boarding and saying you couldnt wait to see her. lisa of course, was more than welcoming to have you back in her home, excited for her youngest son to be surrounded by the woman he loved as much as her, when she needed him the most. lisa knew grayson needed you by his side now more than ever, and by your small surpirse, she knew you were the one for grayson. he had found his soulmate.

the time had finally arrived when your fight had landed in graysons home town, a place you were felt ready to settle down in and start and raise your family. jersey was a home away from home, a big part of graysons life, which quickly turned into a very much a big part of yours. your heart belonged whoever grayson dolan was, and right now, that was jersey.

lisa had told grayson she had a few work related bits to take care of back at the salon before the year ended and would therefore be gone for the next couple of hours or so. something grayson never once questioned, kissing his mother on the forehead before biding her a goodbye and a safe journey. in his mind, grayson was going to spend the time he had alone doing absolutely nothing, which was the soul purpose of his sudden trip. he couldn't however get over the thought of you not texting, or even calling him.

he longed to speak to you, wished to hear your voice and stare into your hypnotising eyes- even through a phone screen. the clock was courting down to New years, only 2 hours left and grayson was yet to speak to you. something that send his mind spiralling and an sickening feeling in his stomach. he hoped you were ok.

“y/n! its so good to see your darling, how was your flight?”

lisa pulls you into a bone crushing hug, instantly calming your neveres and helping to make you feel that little bit closer to grayson before you finally reunited. you and lisa indluge in a heavy catch up the entire ride home, a lot of laughs, cries and girly chat that was much needed- more specifically on lisa’s end. she was happy to finally have some female company around, but she was more excited at the fact grayson would finally quit feeling sorry for himself at the fact you were so far part. as much as lisa loved having her son safe and home, there was only so much she could listen to him whine about missing his girlfriend or even twin brother. at least one out of those two would shut him up for now.

lisa walks into the house first, with you trailing closely behind, calling out for grayson to stop whatever he was doing and to meet her in the living room. only ten minutes to go until the clock strikes midnight and you welcome the new year in with the love of your life- but first before the tears of joy and abundance of new years kisses, you needed to make your presence known.

when you finally laid eyes on your boyfriend, dressed in sweatpants and an oversized blue checkered flannel, his mop of hair significantly grown since the last time you saw him in person, his eyes as captivating as ever, you felt like it was your first time meeting him all over again. you still had the same smile on your face, blushed cheeks and butterflies in your stomach, that you did the very first time you ever locked eyes with him. grayson dolan still had the same effect on you, a year later.

“hey, ma. how was work? did you get everything finished?” grayson pulled his mum into a hug, a huge mamas boy who thrived off psychical touch when talking to his loved ones. it felt nice to have someone to hug, to be there for him and comfort him in his hours of need. as the mother and son embrace, warming your heart and debating whether to ruin the moment, you decide it was the perfect opportunity to sneak in behind grayson and wrap your arms tightly around him. his frame a lot larger than yours, that it had you on your tiptops to reach him.

“what the fuck-” grayson immediately retracted himself from his mum, getting the fright of his life as he panicked at the sudden third party who happened to join them in their home. his mind firstly going to the hope it was ethan surprising him for new years, but as he turns around and comes face to face with the face hes been dreaming about, it was better than anything he could have imagined.

grayson broke down into a fit of sobs, falling straight to his knees, and cried into his hands covering his face, as he couldn’t comprehend you being there. you surprised him minutes before midnight, on new years eve . you came back for him like you always promised.

“sweetheart- you’re here, you- what the fuck,” he manages to chokes out, still on his knees as you crunch down to join him, to meet his chocolate eyes after all this time. grayson reaches his arms out to touch you, to feel your delicate irreplaceable skin under his fingers. to smell you, to hold you, to love you.

3...

2...

1...

“happy new year, baby,” you say through your own floods tears. holding graysons face between your hands as you pull him in for a much needed kiss. your lips moulding with his perfectly, sparks flying from not only the celebrations happening all across the world, but your own celebration right here, the two of you together, for good. you’re both refusing to let go of one another until you desperately needed air.

before you pull away completely, bodies still slumped on the ground, grayson frozen in shock and surprise, you whisper against his lips a miracle. words that already made this new year the best one of graysons life, not even a full minute in.

“im ready to move to la, for good and to start my life with you. no more being apart, baby. this year is our year, me and you against the world”.

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stxrrywildflower · 3 years

Text

can’t help falling in love (three)

pairing - george weasley x reader

summary - you invite george to be your date to your sisters wedding

warnings - mentions of family/home issues, fighting, deep talks, mentions of anxiety

word count - 3.7k

series masterlist

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

“george i don’t think i can do this,” you breathed out. “i haven’t had a proper meal like this with my family in years.”

george woke you up just a few hours ago. he knew you didn’t want to sleep for too long but also realized how much you needed your rest.

you got dressed right away, probably getting ready far too early than you needed to, but you were just so incredibly nervous. you knew there was a strong chance the conversation was going to be turned to you and or george.

still at the desk, george stopped his tinkering immediately, setting down the supplies he was working with to turn to you.

“is everything alright love?” george didn’t want to make any assumptions on your emotions at the moment.

your eyes darted back and forth. “i-i don’t know,” you admited.

george was up and out of his chair in an instant. he took a seat on the bed, patting the space beside him for you to sit down.

you took a seat where he motioned for you to do so. you didn’t say anything at first, not exactly knowing how to put what you were feeling into words. george seemed to understand as he didn’t push you to say anything or start a conversation.

“i just don’t know how i’m going to deal with being with my family. i know it’s stupid for me to get worked up over this but it’s just tough.”

“y/n it’s not stupid. we don’t have to go to this dinner. i have a multitude of excuses i’ve used at hogwarts that can be applied to this as well. and there’s always the prank option, i’m sure i can stir something up if needed,” george started. “your feelings and your well-being matters more then a dumb meal.”

you thanked him quietly, mind still swirling with your thoughts about the night ahead.

“and i swear, if anything happens during dinner that makes you uncomfortable, we’ll leave. you do not owe them anything, especially with the way they’ve treated you.”

“but they’re my family...” you trailed off, feeling slightly guilty.

george moved his hand up to your cheek, turning your head to look at him. “hey, none of that,” he spoke. “yes they may be your family but that does not excuse their attitudes. you deserve more than that y/n.”

“now come here,” george smiled softly. he wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you close to him as his hand moved to run up and down your arm. you leaned into his touch, resting your head under his chin as you allowed your eyes to flutter shut.

“thank you george,” you mumbled, hand moving to stoke the back of his palm. “it means a lot.”

“always y/n. but seriously, we don’t have to go if you don’t want to. i’m sure there’s some place to eat we can find around here,” george offered.

you shook your head. “i think i can make it through.”

george hummed in response. “alright, love. should we head downstairs?”

“yeah let’s go,” you stood up, extending your hand out to george who took it to get up as well.

you took lead in going downstairs first and made your way towards the living room.

“grammy!” you exclaimed, moving forward to hug your grandmother who had just arrived. “ah there’s my favorite little witch,” your grandmother beamed.

you smiled at the nickname. it had been a common one since you got your hogwarts letter.

george barreled down the stairs right after you.

“a weasley!” your grandmother exclaimed. she noticed right away from the ginger hair and familiar facial features. “i can’t believe you brought a weasley home. ah that’s so exciting! now which one are you?”

“george,” he answered with a smile, also moving to hug your grandmother. “fred and the others are back at school.”

“ah george, you and your brother always mix me up. it’s really good to see you, i hope your family is doing well.”

“they are, thank you,” george replied.

you didn’t have time to delve in your conversation about school as your normally would. your grandmother loved hearing about hogwarts, it had been awhile since she was there. while your houses were different, she was a ravenclaw, she still found the different changes extremely interesting.

“dinner!” jasper, your sisters fiancé, had called as he walked in the room. “hey y/n.”

“hey jasper,” you greeted with a small wave. “this is george by the way.”

jasper greeted george with a firm handshake before repeating his prior message. “i think your mum wants us in now so i would hurry.”

you and george took a seat at one end of the table. he was to your left, claiming he was ‘too tall’ to sit in the middle. you didn’t mind, george was your guest after all.

“so cress, what’s your plans for tomorrow?” your mom asked.

you zoned out for the majority of the conversation, not really wanting to listen to your sister go on and on about everything. george didn’t really pay attention either, choosing to rather turn to you and talk about summer break. it wasn’t for a few more months but he figured it would be a good topic to discuss.

“you’re coming home with us again, right? i honestly think my mum is planning on it unless you tell her otherwise,” he spoke.

you nodded. “i think this has been enough family time for the year. as long as i’m welcome i’m there.”george grinned, clearly satisfied with your answer.

“george,” the conversation was then turned to your mock-boyfriend. “why don’t you tell us a bit about yourself? i feel like we haven’t had any time to get to know you.”

“well,” george started, turning to face your family. “i go to hogwarts with y/n. i’m a middle child and a twin so technically i have four older brothers when you factor in the fact that i’m the younger twin. y/n and i are in the same year and same house so we have a lot of classes together-”

“wait houses? which one are you two in again?”

“gryffindor,” george answered with a smile. “it’s the house of the lion. i think our three house traits are courage, chivalry, and determination.” he turned to you for confirmation on the last part to which you nodded.

george ran through the rest of the information like it was rehearsed. your entire family seemed pretty enveloped in his story, all except for cass who was visibly becoming more agitated by the minute.

“anyways!” cass soon interrupted. george raised an eyebrow towards her, clearly taken back by being cut off. you leaned across to rest your hand on top of his. “don’t worry about her,” you whispered.

“jasper, is everything ready with your wedding party?”

you frowned. a wedding party was the one thing you didn’t thoroughly explain well enough to george.

george turned to you for that exact reason, asking with a confused tone, “what’s a wedding party again?”

“you don’t know what a wedding party is? geez do you live under a rock?” cress scoffed from the opposite end of the table.

“cress,” you warned, already feeling your blood pressure rising. you could handle a few bitchy comments but when she came for george, well that was a different story.

your sister narrowed her eyes at you. “what?”

“george comes from what we can a pure blood family. both of his parents are wizard born meaning he is a one-hundred wizard. they don’t know about a lot of the things we do. so if you could calm down and cut him a little-” you tried to explain only for your sister to have finally had it.

“god, can you just shut up about magic for once? we get it you have powers but can you please stop talking about it. this is supposed to be my weekend and my special day. you’re ruining it y/n. god, you shouldn’t even be here.”

the table went dead quiet, no one quite knowing how to reply to the outburst your sister had nor your reaction.

instinctively, you turned to george. his eyes met yours and he just knew. with a gentle hand, he guided you up and out of your seat.

“thank you for dinner, it was lovely.”

with that, george was leading you out of the dining room with his hand on the small of your back.

you made it outside and to a more private section of the yard before you broke. a combination of tears and sobs racked your body. you were far too emotional right now to even feel embarrassed.

george held you close to him, both arms wrapped protectively around your body as you cried. he didn’t mind that his jumper was getting stained with tears, it was more important to him that you were okay.

“i hate it. i hate it so much,” you sobbed. “she hates me so much for no good reason.”

“shhh, it’s okay,” george murmured. “let it out.”

you didn’t know how long the two of you were out there. everything just felt a little fuzzy at the moment.

your tears eventually dried out, a range of hiccups following. george, in turn, moved his hand to run up and down your back. “sorry to let it all out on you.”

“hey,” george pulled away to get you to look at him. “none of that. it’s okay y/n, i promise.”

you nodded, letting out a deep sigh as your head fell again.

george thumbed away the final few tears that fell down your cheeks. “i’m here for you always. i just want you to know that.”

you squeezed his hand gently, conveying a silent ‘thank you’ as you don’t exactly trust your voice at the moment.

“why don’t we go for a ride,” george offered. “to clear your head.”

through teary eyes you looked up towards your friend. “george, neither of us can drive well enough for it to be considered legal. besides, we don’t even have a car.”

a wicked grin passed over george’s face. “i might have planned ahead,” he spoke.

you quirked an eyebrow. you weren’t entirely surprised at his words but you were a little nervous.

“i might have snuck our brooms in our luggage....”

you smacked his arm gently. “george! mcgonagall said no magic. did you even listen to what she said?”

“hey hey hey, brooms aren’t technically magic,” he started. “kids are learning to fly and play quidditch even before they go to hogwarts.”

you thought about it for a moment. “i mean when you put it that way,” you trailed off. george jumped up the second you finished speaking, extending his hands out towards you to pull you up.

george raced inside and up the stairs, returning just moments later with your coats and familiar broomsticks you used for quidditch.

“if mcgonagall finds out i’m blaming you,” you commented.

“fine by me. i’m sure she won’t be surprised.”

you left the house once again, not bothering to stop back in to tell your family where you were going or when you would be back. frankly, you didn’t really care either.

the london air met you with open arms. it was pretty dark out allowing for you and george to be practically unseen on your brooms. you followed george’s lead up into the sky until you were at a comfortable distance to go side by side.

“so!” george shouted. “where do you want to go?”

you shrugged. “don’t know! i’m following you.”

you flew around for close to an hour, diving up and through the clouds and back down again. as the city slowly shut down for the night, george stopped again.

“you want to go talk somewhere? i may know a place,” he spoke.

“let’s go.”

george flew down to the famous london bridge. your eyes widened slightly as his plan clicked in your mind.

you touched down at on one of the top platforms which was thankfully out of view from anyone not in the air. in other words, you were practically hidden.

“damn georgie, didn’t think we would be up here. how much trouble would we be in if we got caught?”

“don’t know,” george spoke. “and don’t want to think about it. all i know is that no one can see us so we should be fine.”

after laying your broom down, you took a seat next to george on the roof-like platform. he was clearly deep in thought, knees drawn up to his chest with an arm wrapped around them.

“what’s on your mind?”

“eh it’s nothing, just thinking about some family stuff,” george answered.

“everything alright?”

“yeah yeah yeah, everyone’s good. besides, this was supposed to be for you.”

you frowned at that. “george, come on. you can talk to me about anything. you’ve done the same for me. what’s on your mind?”

“i don’t want to bother.”

“george,” you warned again. “if this makes you feel better, i could use a distraction.”

it took him a few minutes to say anything. you didn’t mind at all. george’s insecurities weren’t exactly something new, it took him a bit to muster up the courage to even admit he had them.

just as you had moved onto watching the people below on the bridge, george finally said what was on his mind.

“i just feel like i’m always second best, you know?”

you turned to him with slight sympathy in your eyes though you did understand, to some extent, exactly what he was saying.

it’s always been ‘fred and george’ and never ‘george and fred.’ you said it that way, teachers, parents, other kids did too. everyone knew them as fred and george and not the other way around.

sure it was something as simple as name flow but it did get to him at times. almost like he was placed behind his brother.

“it’s just i-i come from a big family-”

“no kidding,” you joked. “sorry sorry, continue.”

george smiled at your words, the corners of his lips upturning. it made your heart full seeing him happy.

“i mean ron and fred are the closer siblings and then then the three older are the same. bill and charlie are off working and percy has his job at the ministry. i know ginny and i are closer but just when you look at the percentages, i always just feel like i’m kinda forgotten.”

it went quiet again. george had just revealed a lot about how he was feeling and you wanted - needed - to chose your words carefully.

“sorry i know that sounds stupid,” he apologized, partially to fill the void.

you turned to him. “it’s not stupid george. like you told me earlier, your concerns are valid. i’m really proud of you for admitting that.”

“i’ve guess i’ve just always felt kinda like an outsider at times. fred and i are always the odd ones out but even then he feels more included. and then you know about my issues with separation.”

you nodded. george wasn’t exactly open about him getting really bad separation anxiety. he’s spent his whole life with siblings and a twin. being around people all the time made it difficult for him to be away from it all.

“and that’s understandable, george. you shouldn’t feel bad for something you can’t control,” you offered.

george hummed at your words. “it just doesn’t help that mum has always compared me to percy if i bring it up since he’s such a ‘model brother.’ just because i’m not the best academically and struggle with something doesn’t mean i should be dummed down, right?”

george almost didn’t believe his final words. george found himself repeating ‘right?’ over and over to himself as if to reassure it in his mind.

his voice fell off, all signs of an incoming sob becoming apparent. you reached out to grab his hand, pulling him a little closer before bringing his hand up to kiss his knuckles.

“george i mean it when i say you are are one of the smartest and strongest people i have met. i would be lying if i said your brain didn’t work a different way from other peoples but that’s what makes you who you are. you shouldn’t change for other people, i promise.”

with that, the first wave of tears flowed down george’s cheeks. his words meant more to him than you would ever know.

“have i ever told you why cress and i don’t get along? i’ll only tell you the story if you want a topic change.”

“yeah that would be nice actually,” he agreed, hand still loosely interlocked with yours.

you took a deep breath. george knew about your family issues but like you’ve said before, no one knew the extent of it.

“cress and i have a pretty big age gap. i mean that’s obvious. she’s getting married tomorrow and we’ll i’m still learning how to make potions and playing quidditch at school,” you started. “but since i’m muggle-born, it’s common for wizard abilities to skip around.”

george squeezed your hand gently, a silent reasurrence to your next sentence.

“well, i wasn’t born yet but when cress was ten, she didn’t get a hogwarts letter. barely even knew about the school either. and then when i was finally ‘of age’ you could say, i got my letter. i can’t even put into words how angry cress was. i swear she screamed at me for a full day straight and refused to talk to me for a good month. she made it seem as though i was the worst person alive for getting these abilities.”

“but you aren’t,” george jumped in. “it was a rare chance for either of you to even inherit your grandmothers powers.”

“exactly,” you agreed. “and it’s just so frustrating because i didn’t ask to be born like this. i didn’t chose to be thrown into the wizard life. i didn’t agree to get a letter to hogwarts and she just has never understood that. it’s turned into a one-sided sibling rivalry ever since.”

“i’m sorry y/n. you truly don’t deserve that,” george spoke.

you shrugged. “it’s taken me awhile and tonight may have been a little contradicting of that but i’m trying to move past it. in no way do i plan on restoring our bonds but i can at least act civil.”

george agreed instantly with your words. the conversation died down after that. both of you had gotten multitudes of feelings off of your chests and the aftermath of it was hitting a little hard.

you stayed on the bridge until it became near unbearable to. it was still pretty cold at night. george’s cheeks and nose were flushed pink, a key attribute to your reasoning.

“are you ready to go?”

“yeah yeah, let’s go back.”

after mounting your brooms once more, you descended back into the london night.

you arrived back to your home after midnight, touching down softly in the backyard almost silently.

the house was quiet by now, most of the lights being turned off as people slowly started heading off to bed. your dad and jasper were the only two still awake, sitting on the deck together and talking. you were sure it was about the wedding.

they were clearly startled by your presence, neither used to seeing magic let alone people flying on brooms. your dad got up first, opening his mouth to speak as you and george stepped up into the deck.

“look y/n-”

george held up his hand, your dad going quiet the moment he saw it. “leave it.”

with that, george grabbed your hand gently as you headed inside. “do you want to go up to bed?” he asked. you nodded, “yeah that sounds nice.”

you reached your shared room rather quickly, george taking your broom out of your hands to put away. your brooms were placed back into their concealment. to be honest, after seeing how they were packed, you realized how you didn’t notice george brought them at first.

“i’m going to go get changed, are you alright?” george asked.

you nodded. “go ahead, i need to change too.”

george exited the room before returning a few minutes later, dressed down in a pair of flannel pants and his most recent christmas initial sweater. “cozy?” you mused. george hummed, “very.”

you, on the other hand, were still cold. london at night, especially on the top of a bridge, was absolutely freezing.

the two of you got further ready for bed in silence. george closed the door and turned off most of the lights as you tidied up some of the mess from the day.

subconsciously, your mind had drifted as you were folding your clothes. sure you and george had your deep talk but there were still unanswered questions you had, especially with everything going down tomorrow.

“y/n?” george’s voice cut through your haze.

you hummed, turning around to face him. “are you coming to bed?” he added.

“yeah, sorry.”

“no need to apologize,” george spoke.

he flipped the covers forward, patting the spot next to him in bed for you to lie down. you slid in beside him, only leaning over to turn off the bedside lamp.

“are you cold? i can practically feel your chattering from over here,” george teased.

“freezing,” you answered.

george shifted slightly to face you, opening his arms with a small smile barely visible in light only peaking in from the moon. “come here.”

in an instant you were burying yourself in his chest, his natural body heat warming you up in an instant. george chuckled quietly, “is that better?”

you moved your head to rest on his chest, arm falling across his stomach. he, in turn, wrapped his arm around to rest on your back and pull you closer to him.

just as your coldness had melted away, so did your mutual doubts about the awkwardness of sharing a bed. it was comfortable actually, being wrapped up together.

“thank you for tonight georgie,” you whispered.

“thank you y/n,” george repeated. “sleep good, alright?”

you hummed, mumbling a ‘goodnight’ before slowly shutting your eyes.

despite being near exhausted from the entire day, your mind was still racing. everything just felt wrong and you needed some - any - reassurance that something was going right.

“hey george?” you eventually spoke into the darkness, unsure if the man you were literally laying on top of was even awake.

it took a moment for him to respond, his slight shifting being a key factor.

“yes love?”

“you’re my best friend, you know that right?”

george chuckled quietly. “yeah i do. and your mine as well.”

⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢

tagging - @goldenxreid @wilburxpancakes @sunlightgalaxy @criminaly-supernatural @blakes-dictionxry @mrs-dr-reid @weasleytwinsfav @theguppienamedbae @fadesbrina

#harry potter #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter fanfic #george weasley #george weasley x reader #george weasley x y/n #george weasley fanfiction #george weasley fluff #the weasley twins #weasley twins #gryffindor #fred and george #fred and george weasley

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sapphicmsmarvel · 3 years

Text

Ghost Of You

song for this fic: ghost of you

hp masterlist

regular masterlist

Big TW for drug addiction, suicide, grief.

I wrote this after my sister's death in march, the exact same cause.

I was just able to finish this three months later, the ending is so abrupt because I don’t know what life is like after this kind of grief.

We may have disliked each other, but she was still my older sister.

This is how I'm able to cope, read it or not. Fanfic has saved my life many times and has helped me deal with losses.

harry potter was the only thing that got me through that, and that is still getting me through that.

-Fred admired the fact that you loved Ginny as if she were your own sibling.

-As far as he knew you were an only child.

-No matter what, you immediately would drop anything to help Ginny.

-When Fred and George befriended you their first year, they mentioned they have a little sister so you knew of her existence when she came to Hogwarts (as well as Ron but he’ll get his own chapter).

-Fred and George introduced you two, the twins would never admit it out loud but they were worried about her. She’s the baby of the family.

-Pretty soon you two had inside jokes, a secret handshake and were able to communicate just by looks.

-When Fred was dealing with his feelings for you, Ginny called him out on his shit. “Just ask her out.”

“Gin, do you really think she’ll feel the same?”

“I can neither confirm nor deny what I know.” Was her only response as she walked away.

-He confessed later that day.

-12 year old Ginny was a matchmaker for two clueless sixteen year olds.

-Fred quickly realized that Ginny looked up to you.

-It made his heart warm.

-But then he realized something.

-You and him were getting ready for dinner at your home.

When he turned to you, “Sweetheart?”

“Yes?” You turned to Fred.

“I know I’ve never asked you this. But I just realized, some girls I've dated, they immediately would kind of shun Ginny, why did you take to her so quickly?”

“You were my best friend, why would I reject your younger sister?”

“Even then, why?”

You sighed. “I never had a good relationship with my older siblings. Hell, they’re out there right now and I’ve never mentioned them to you.”

“Why?”

“For a reason.” Was all you said. “They abandoned me. My sister she…” You shook your head. “I was expected to raise her two children whenever I was home at the age of fourteen. Notice how I was always stressed at the end of a school year or going home for a holiday?”

“Yeah.”

“It was because I was helping take care of her children. My parents also raised them. But for some reason, every time she got addicted to drugs again, that expectation went to me. To be their mother. Nobody wanted her to clean up her act, they assumed that I would be the one to take care of them.”

“What’d your sister do?” He sat next to you.

“What didn’t she do?” You sighed, setting down the photos your Mum sent. “Addicts, they deserve so much help. But then there's my sister, who goes to rehab even though her plan was to get addicted again because she wants to please her parents rather than actually get clean for her children.” You shook your head, “sorry to get so angry, I just hate the people who give mental illnesses a bad name.”

He held out his hand, you grasped it. “When my magic developed, it was the same dynamic as Lily Potter and her sister. We were close and then...I had magic. There was a chance I wouldn’t because of the fact that my dads a muggle and my mums a witch. Whereas, my brother and sister are technically my half siblings, so they are muggles. When they learned of the Wizarding World, they were excited. New things, magic, blah, blah.” You swallowed.

“Then when I was ten, my brother got up and walked out of my life, never giving a reason. My sister's addiction was hidden for another four years after that. That’s when the chaos started.”

He nodded and kissed your cheek. You took a deep breath, “I’m honestly glad you asked, my dad texted me, she’s gonna be there tonight.”

He swallowed, “we’re a team alright? Give a signal and we’ll leave.”

“What’s the signal?”

“Uh,” he searched for something. “Say Georgie texted you, that he fucked some shit up I don’t know.” He laughed.

You laughed, “I will.” He kissed you forehead.

-The dinner did not go well.

-It ended with a horrible fight between your sister and you. So badly that Fred was worried it was about to turn physical. He sat with your nieces, the three of them watching nervously as the bullets of your words slammed into one another.

-That’s when your sister said they were leaving, took her kids and left. Your dad was furious at you, blaming you for the fight when it was your sister who threw the first dagger.

You sighed, and looked at Fred, “forgot to tell you, Georgie texted me earlier.”

-On the drive home, he held your hand. There was no sound coming from either of you, no music as the car flew to your apartment in Diagon Alley.

-You both walked in your shared apartment, you walked to the bathroom immediately, he got ready for bed. He was worried. You had never been so silent before.

-You walked out of the bathroom and joined him on the bed. “I’m sorry.” You whispered. “What for?”

“For making you endure that stupid fight.”

“Never apologize for standing your ground.” He kissed your cheek.

“I love you.” You said.

“I love you too, how about we go to the Burrow tomorrow, have the day with some family and relax. We can head over tomorrow morning.”

“They won't mind?”

“Like our family needs an excuse.” He wrapped you in his arms and you two dozed off.

-And then while you were at the burrow, you got a text message.

It was the worst day of your life.

Call me sweetheart.

It was your mom, you excused yourself to a greenhouse the Weasleys had added to their house. You called her:

“Mum? What’s up?”

“She's dead, sweetheart.”

“What?” Your heart stopped, you knew in your gut who it was. You knew but yet, you still had hope she wasn’t gone.

Your mother then confirmed your worst fear, that your sister was dead.

You numbingly agreed to your Mums idea of coming home for a couple weeks. And then said you needed a moment.

Your Mum agreed. While your sister wasn’t even her child, she felt for you.

You set your phone down on the glass table and sat down on the wicker couch.

You held your head in your hands.

You had a horrible fight with her the night before, she died thinking you hated her. She died thinking there would be no hope for your relationship.

She died thinking her little sister wanted her gone.

Damnit. Damnit. Damnit.

Your memories began to play on autopilot, of what she was like before the addiction, of being happy and actually having a relationship with each other.

Oh god, her kids.

Before your mind could spiral anymore, you felt a hand on your shoulder. You looked up with tears in your eyes at Fred, who immediately wrapped you in his arms.

“What is it?”

“She’s gone.” You whispered. You weren’t sobbing, your tears were a constant river down your cheeks.

“Who, love?”

Then you said your sister's name, and he squeezed you tighter. You felt him press kisses to your hair.

After 30 minutes, his twin came looking. Fred immediately sheltered you away from the eyes of someone else. Fred began whispering to George what had happened.

Your phone began to buzz with messages, you silenced your phone immediately.

Fred walked over as George stood in the doorway in complete shock. “Georgies gonna distract the family while you head upstairs. I’ll talk to them.”

You nodded, he kissed your cheek.

You numbly walked up to Fred and George’s room to hide away from people to deal with your feelings. You crawled into Fred’s bed, enjoying the warmth and the smell of cinnamon that drowned your senses.

About thirty minutes later, you heard a knock on the door, you did not have the energy to turn around. It opened.

“Y/N/N?” Ginny's gentle voice whispered the nickname only she could call you.

“Hey Gin.” You whispered, not turning around.

You heard the door shut, then you heard her soft footsteps as she walked to the bed. You felt the bed dip as she sat down. “Sister time?”

You nodded and turned around, she immediately laid down next to you, she pulled a blanket on top of you two. You two were facing each other.

“Fred told you I assume?” You laughed without any humor behind it.

She nodded, “they told us all.”

“How did George distract you?”

She rolled her eyes, “the idiot ran outside and slipped in mud so we’d all go find him and laugh or help out.”

Your laugh cracked as it left your mouth. “He looked scared when he found Freddie and I.”

“We thought you guys were fighting.” She admitted.

You huffed a laugh through your nose. She asked, “are you okay?”

“I dont know.” You said helplessly. “We didn’t have a good relationship, her and I. I’m more emotionally drained right now. I cried it all out in Fred’s arms earlier. At least she’s not in pain anymore.” You said sadly. “Addiction is a true mental illness, I wish more people cared about these people.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I have no idea how to respond to I’m sorries so imagine I'm sending you heart emojis right now.”

She nodded. “Do you need me to do anything?”

“No, unless you can respond to my extended family texting me right now with their useless prayers and words.”

“I can if you want me to.”

“Oh yeah? What will you say?”

“Stop shoving words down her throat and let the girl breathe.”

You two giggled, “I have half a mind to let you do that.”

“Say the word and it’s done.”

“I love you, Gin.”

“I love you too.”

The two of you continued to talk, about your sister and what happened between you two. About a quidditch match, anything.

The morning of the funeral, Freddie sat down next to you on the twin bed you two had to share at your parents house.

“What’s on your mind?”

“I think I've figured out the worst part of this situation.”

“What?”

“That we’ll never know if it was a suicide or not.”

He gripped your hand tighter.

At the funeral, you had Ginny holding one hand, and Fred holding the other. The other Weasley’s were all in attendance, even Percy. Fleur came out with Bill as well as Charlie.

You didn't realize how concerned every single Weasley sibling was. Percy had never seen you so stoic, Fleur and Bill had never witnessed you be so withdrawn, Hermione and Ron have never seen you so emotionless, so cold to your surroundings. George was concerned for his new sister, Ginny was feeling for you, her best friend. Harry was grieving for you, his older sister figure.

Fred hated seeing you so unlike yourself.

Her kids sat with their step-siblings. So you sat with the Weasleys. Molly and Arthur cried, not just for your sister, but they knew you lost a piece of yourself with her that you’d never get back.

Your father and you had never had a lovey relationship, even with his daughter dead, your guard was so high up you couldn’t bring it down to give an affection to anyone but Freddie.

Your older sister's funeral was an event that you had not planned for.

You would now grow older than your older sister.

-After the funeral you and the girls were in your bedroom. Fred knew you needed some girl time. The boys and parents were downstairs with yours.

“I don’t know where to go from here.” You admitted.

They all looked at you in response, you continued. “Even though we didn’t like each other, I always thought she’d be there.” You felt the painful prickle of tears. You sniffed. Ginny reached for your hand.

With your free hand, you gestured to the bag in the corner. “That’s her bag, I have to go through that. I can’t make my parents do it.”

“We’re here for you.” Hermione said.

“I can still feel her, like her ghost is following me everywhere.” You confessed.

“I wish we had another chance at being sisters.”

The ending is so abrupt because I can’t relive the feelings I had after my sister's death. The last line of this sums it up though.

#Harry Potter #slytherin #fred weasley #fred weasley x you #fred weasly x reader #fred weasley x y/n #fred weasley x slytherin!reader

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harrysgloves · 4 years

Text

Fine Line (Chapter 7)

>>>Catch up with the Fine Line Masterlist!

word count: 1.2k

story summary: Since you were kids you and Harry had always walked that fine line of friends or something more. Now, pregnant by someone else, you find yourself staying with your long time best friend after things go sour with your boyfriend of 3 years.

Singlemom!Reader x Harry Styles

chapter summary: You make breakfast for your best friend and he leaves you breathless.

warnings: Language // Harry is a dumb ass tease.

a/n: And this is the closest we’re getting to smut anytime soon. Sometimes writing slow burns is hard for me. Basically because I’m ungodly h*rny for this man. Let’s be real, we all are.

>>>

You woke that morning finally not sick to your stomach, for once. Your arms stretching behind you as you sat up in your super comfortable bed. Eyes flickering over momentarily to the bunny lamp that was on the nightstand beside the bed. A smile forming on your lips as you looked at it.

Harry sure had a way of being adorable when he wanted to and there was no doubt in your mind that this room was absolutely decorated with you in mind. The walls painted a deep navy blue which was always your favorite color. The bedspread was a stark contrast of bright white that matched the sheer curtains that let the perfect amount of morning sun into the room.

The bed was a beautiful gold frame that you knew you could never afford even if you saved every penny to your name. But the real kicker was the paintings of the bunnies above what was now, your bed.

Harry was always a cheeky thing when it came to keeping his promises. Sparing no expense when it came to making sure you’d always have a room in his home for you.

Your fingers ran down the stairway railing as you studied every picture he had on his wall. One’s of you two in high school. One of you wearing a Harry shirt at the X-factor audition. Another one of you, Gemma, and Abby at your graduation. A few of his mum and sister. Even a really good one of Mitch and Sarah cuddling on the tour bus from last year.

But none of Camille or any of his other love interests over the years were anywhere in sight.

As you walked the house. You started to wonder if any of his girlfriends had ever been in this house. No shred of evidence any of them ever existed laid around the neat and organized place.

If you didn’t know he was dating someone, you would have never been able to guess it. No pictures or notes from her were on the fridge. Instead, a birthday card you had gotten him 3 years prior was smack dab in the middle with a magnet you’d gotten him for Christmas. The handwritten message glared back at you as you opened the fridge door.

“Hazza,

Hope your birthday in Japan is amazing. Can’t wait to see you again and make our birthday wishes together.

Love you always, Bunny.”

You smiled one last time at the card that had a bunny with a birthday hat on it as you shut the fridge door.

You and Harry had made so many pledges to each other over the years. Deals and pinky promises, you both took a tad bit too seriously. One of them was to never make birthday wishes without the other.

Every year when it was exactly in-between both of your birthdays you two would have a mini party together. Just the two of you. A cupcake with a candle on top of it as you both made a wish at the same exact time. It was a weird childhood tradition that carried on way too far into adulthood.

But you always figured this way you go two birthday wishes a year.

You flipped through the endless list of songs on your phone. Selecting your favorite one to cook before tying up your hair on top of your head. Hands working mindlessly to make the breakfast you’d made for you two so many times before.

You didn’t hear Harry get up. His lanky form resting against the doorway in the kitchen. Watching you. His arms crossed over his bare chest, head lying against the wooden frame of the door. His heart felt like it was going to burst at any second from seeing you like this.

God, how he missed seeing you like this.

Your body twisting and moving to the song. Your voice singing the lyrics a bit off-key but he thought it was adorable. Every thought running in his mind was screaming at him. Kiss her. Hold her. Tell her again. Maybe this time it’d be different. Maybe this time it’d work out.

He let out a breath, pointer finger, and thumb pulling at his bottom lip before pushing himself off the frame.

He knew he was getting himself in trouble. Knew he should stop feeling this way. Put some distance between you two. He couldn’t help it. Couldn’t help the way his heart fluttered at the sight of you in his house, making him breakfast.

His arms wrapping around you made you jump. Your hand pressed against your chest to calm your heart.

“Fuck, you scared me.” You laughed, turning on the spot to look at his sleep filled eyes.

“Makin’ waffles?” He asked, his eyes peering over top of your head to look at all the ingredients you had laying out.

“Yup. Glad I bought you that waffle maker last year. And you said it wouldn’t get any use.” Your own arms wrapped around his waist, resting your head on his chest.

“We usually eat breakfast at yours.” He said with a slight shrug. His hand sliding up and down your back. His fingers running along your spine.

You groaned, face pushed in farther to his bare chest. Eyes closing as you silently cursed.

“I have to call movers this week to get my shit out of there.” You pouted, lips in a frown as you hugged tighter around him.

“He’s still not answering?” Harry asked, pausing his hands moving on your back when you pulled away.

“Even if he did answer, I’m not sure how that would go.” You said as you turned back around. Busying yourself with the last waffle in the waffle iron.

“‘Ere, let me.” Harry said as he reached for your hand a little too late. Your fingers catching the edge of the hot iron.

“Ouch!” You yelled, your hand jerking back quickly as it stung and burned. The blazing red skin on your fingers was already bubbling up. Your lip trembled. Eyes water filled with uncried tears.

“Fuck, bunny.” Harry cooed as he took your hand. His eyes took in the damage done. “Gotta be careful.”

His soft pink lips pressed a gentle kiss to your fingertip. Your eyes widening as you inhaled a sharp breath. Your thighs clenching together as your mouth hung open in shock.

Your brain suddenly put together the fact he was shirtless. Standing so close to you that you could smell the shampoo he used. Your chest was inches away from his own as he held your hand in his. His eyes flicking to yours as he pressed those soft cushions against your burned skin again.

“Feel better?” He asked when he pulled away, his eyes still trained on yours as you nodded your head yes.

Swallowing thickly when he didn’t immediately drop your hand. The tension in the air grew thick as his hand around yours tightened slightly.

You’d lie to yourself later and say between your legs wasn’t throbbing but you knew deep down that heat of desire was burning there. Your legs pressed together tightly as a soft whimper you tried your best to suppress slipped out of you.

Maybe it was the hormones. Or maybe it was the fact you couldn’t miss the way his glance flashed down to your bare legs and back up to your eyes. A slight smirk dancing on his lips.

Either way, you knew living here with him while your hormones were raging was going to be the hardest thing you had to do.

“Ready fo’ breakfast?” He asked, hand finally dropping yours as he turned to walk towards the table. Your mind blank as you stared after him. Hoping to the gods that you packed your vibrator.

#Harry Styles #Harry #Harry Styles x Reader #Harry Styles x You #Harry Styles x Y/N #Harry Styles Fanfic #Harry Styles Fanfiction #Fanfic #Fanfiction #Writing #Mine #Fine Line #FL

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songtoyou · 3 years

Text

Chapter 12: Switch - Part One

Tolerate It

Paring: Modern!Tommy Shelby x Original Female Character

Story Rating: R (No minors should read this fic).

Word Count: 3,791

Warnings: Swearing

Story Description: Tommy Shelby is the owner and CEO of Shelby Company Limited. Starting out as a Bookmaker, Tommy had big ideas to expand his riches. In the past ten years, the company has grown rapidly to expand its business ventures from bars to producing alcohol, manufacturing motor vehicle parts, and exporting. One of the richest men in Great Britain, Tommy Shelby, has it all. Unfortunately, the death of his wife, Grace, left the multi-millionaire mogul alone and depressed. He needed someone to fulfill his needs and deepest darkest desires.

Chapter Summary: Easter has arrived. Tommy is spending it with his family, while Rose is forced to spend time with her ex. We learn that Tommy does not always want to be in control.

A/N: This chapter will have two parts.

I do not permit my work to be posted on any other site without my permission.

Tag list: @owenniasstars

There was a part of Tommy that wished he did not have to be in control all of the time. It was understandable that he be the one in charge of his business as he had no other person to rely on to step up to the plate. Michael was still too young. Also, Tommy had been developing doubts and distrust towards his cousin. It didn’t help that Michael would schedule secret meetings with potential business partners and act as if he was doing it to help Tommy and the company. Tommy used to rely on and confide in his Aunt Polly. Yet, she began to distance herself more and more from the company, especially since getting remarried to Aberama Gold, a fellow business associate to Tommy. John and Arthur had their business deals to worry about, and Ada spent most of her time in the States.

He wished Grace was still alive. She was Tommy’s number one supporter. He shared almost everything with Grace (the legal side) and truly valued her advice and opinions. When Tommy was with Grace, he was able just to be himself. He was allowed to be calm and not have to overwork his mind. He didn’t have to be in control.

It was only with Grace that Tommy allowed another person to have total control over him in the bedroom. Both he and Grace shared characteristics of a dominant and submissive. They often switched roles, with Tommy as the dominant and Grace as the submissive, and vice versa. He loved it when Grace used to dominate him. No one would have suspected the sweet-natured blonde woman had an alpha personality behind closed doors, who was and controlling and overtly sexual.

With Grace gone, Tommy never allowed himself to be vulnerable in front of anyone. Lizzie tried to get Tommy to open that side of him up, but he denied her. He couldn’t do it. A part of Tommy felt as if it would be a betrayal to Grace. Both Ada and Polly constantly told Tommy that it was okay for him to move on from Grace.

“She gave you, on her deathbed, the permission to move on, Thomas. Respect your deceased wife’s wishes,” Aunt Polly would tell him.

“Find someone to have a family with, Tommy. Charlie deserves to have a mother figure in his life and possible siblings if it were to happen. Let yourself be happy,” were Ada’s words of encouragement.

No doubt Tommy would hear those exact words at his sister’s house this Sunday afternoon to celebrate Easter with the entire Shelby clan. Boy, it was going to be a long day. Charlie ended up spending the night at Ada’s with his cousins. Tommy was glad for that as indeed his sister would provide his son with an Easter basket. Tommy was not one for decorative or holiday pleasantries. That was all Grace. When Grace passed, Ada, Polly, or Esme would be the ones to step in and make sure Charlie celebrated his birthday with a party or invite him over for holiday festivities. Guilt would riddle Tommy at that notion that he could not provide his only child with a happy environment. Yes, Tommy loved Charlie dearly. However, Tommy could not deny that he lacked in other emotional departments. He was not one for sentiments or terms of endearment.

Another subject Tommy was not keen to have brought up was his “relationship” with Rose Turner. Unfortunately, he knew better than to expect his family members to rile him up about her and ask questions. None of them knew how Tommy met Rose. It was the same with Lizzie. While both Arthur and John were not faithful to their wives, neither were allowed to be members of Excelsior Club. He had mentioned Arthur and John to Tatiana to inquire if they could become members. Tatiana stated that they were both a liability. “Your brothers are too reckless and don’t fit the standards of our usual clientele. They are, how do I put this nicely? They are too ‘rough around the edges,’ so to speak,” Tatiana said dismissively when Tommy first started going to the Club.

It didn’t matter to Tommy either way; his brothers still managed to do fine all on their own. Besides, Arthur and John were not the faces of Shelby Company Limited; Tommy was and had an image to protect. If Tommy went down in disgrace, it would be for his business dealings, not that he kept himself in the company of whores.

However, Tommy could not help his growing feelings for Rose. There was an energy about her that was attractive to him that he could not quite understand why. Tommy was not sure if it was because Rose was able to adhere to his wicked desires. It amazed Tommy how she was keen on submitting and doing almost anything to please him. During scenes, Rose responded to Tommy as if he was the only man she needed, the only man she desired. And it felt genuine, not put on. There would be moments during aftercare where Rose would look at Tommy with such admiration and respect, that at first, it made him feel uneasy. But after a while, he came come to desire that look. That Tommy would do whatever it took to make sure Rose always looked at him in such away. Tommy found that he craved Rose’s respect, which caught him off guard.

Tommy soon realized that he also respected Rose and how she would do anything for her son. He admired that notion about her. She willingly entered into a line of work that could be demanding, demeaning, and possibly dangerous to provide for her child was not something that Tommy took lightly or was flippant about it. He would never refer to Rose as a “hooker with a heart of gold.” No, she was much more than a trope. Tommy knew Rose did not need a knight and shining armor to save her.

Lizzie wanted Tommy to save her. At the time, Tommy was in no position to be someone’s hero. He was too bruised, too shattered, too broken.

Now, here Tommy was at his sister’s home celebrating Easter. He sat back and watched everyone. The laughter, the smiles, Tommy felt like he didn’t belong. Tommy felt like he couldn’t breathe, so he stepped out back to smoke a cigarette since Ada did not allow smoking in her home.

The inhale of nicotine helped soothe Tommy’s anxiety and calm his nerves. Often, he wished he was back on opium. It was his way of coping after coming home from Afghanistan. He was only able to get clean because of Grace and her support. He never touched the stuff after getting clean, but there were still cravings. The feelings that came with the high brought such bliss. The satisfaction that nothing could harm you. Those weren’t going to go away magically overnight.

Tommy’s solitude was interrupted when his son, nephews, and nieces ran outside with their baskets to search for eggs. He looked at his watch and sighed. He was not sure how much longer he could stand this.

As the children flittered around the yard, Tommy took out his phone. He opened the message from one of the Blinders he had assigned to watch over Rose that day. The text message Tommy received earlier unsettled him. It was a picture of Rose exiting her house with Louis and a man. The three got in a car and drove off. At first sight of the image, Tommy felt enraged. He immediately wanted to know who this man was and why he was with Rose. Tommy was livid. Fortunately, he calmed himself down when Rose sent him a text an hour later.

Rose: I know you have your guys watching over Louis and me. While I do appreciate that, it is a little much. The man I am with is Louis’s father, Nick. We are going out for an Easter brunch. Nothing for you to worry about, and Happy Easter.

Tommy didn’t respond, but he was grateful that Rose cleared things up. He knew his reaction to the picture was ridiculous. The slight pang of jealously surprised Tommy. He didn’t quite know where it came from; it was the same feeling when Rose told him that Changretta contacted her. He was still unsure about what to do with Changretta. First, it was only business that Changretta was causing Tommy grief; now, the man was gearing up to steal his girl. Tommy realized that he must have been too lenient when dealing with the Changrettas now overstepping their boundaries. Tommy and the Peaky Blinders would have to put them in their place for good.

Tommy would make sure that Rose was not a casualty if a war broke out. He was not going to lose her or the war.

“Mum! Come on!” Louis yelled. He was dressed and ready to go, but his mum was taking forever. “What is taking so long?”

“In a minute!” Rose shouted back. She was ready but was busy doing making an Easter basket for Louis. Rose placed the items strategically in the basket. She grabbed the basket and walked down the stairs. “Happy Easter, my little man.”

Rose handed the basket to Louis, who had a look of confusion and annoyance on his face. “What the Hell, Mum? Is this what you have been doing for the last thirty minutes?”

“Yes,” Rose said. “Don’t you like it?”

Louis sighed and placed the basket on the table. “I’m too old for an Easter basket,” he moaned but still looked through the basket to see what he got. “Holy shit! A new iPhone! AirPods!”

“Still want the basket?” Rose questioned sarcastically. “I mean, I’ll take it back if you don’t want it.”

“No, I want it. Mum, thank you,” Louis beamed with happiness and hugged Rose.

“You’re welcome, sweetheart. You’re a good kid. I love you.”

“I love you too, Mum.”

Their tender moment was cut short when the doorbell rang. “Who the bloody Hell could that be?” Rose asked, confused.

“It is probably Dad. I told him it would be easier to pick us up,” Louis explained and went to open the door. “Dad! So good to see you.”

Rose stood back, arms crossed, as Louis hugged his father. It was a sight that had Rose feel a pang in her chest. It reminded her that the three of them could have been a family, a typical family. That is what Louis deserved. Nick looked over at Rose and smiled at her. It was a warm and genuine smile. Rose felt like she was sixteen all over again.

“Rosie, you look…beautiful as always,” Nick complimented and went in for a hug but stopped himself. “We can hug, right?’

Rose scoffed, “Of course we can hug, weirdo.” The former lovers embraced, and Rose felt a familiarity, the feeling of being safe and uncertain. She pulled away. “Well, we better get going. Louis, where did you decide we go to eat?”

“Bella Roma. Can we stop by an Apple store after we’re done eating? I want to be able to switch over from my old iPhone to the new one. Mum, got me a new iPhone.” Louis held up his phone to his dad.

“Nice,” Nick admired.

“We’ll see. Come, let’s get going,” Rose ordered and ushered everyone out of the house. Locking up, Rose turned around to see Louis and Nick walked towards a car. “Wow. Is this your car, Nick?”

“Don’t act so shocked. It is a used car, but yes, it is mine,” he told Rose. “It is a 2017 Hyundai Elantra. Got a pretty good price for it too.”

“Very nice,” Rose approved as she got inside, with Louis settling himself comfortably in the back seat.

“Dad has a full-time job now. Isn’t that right, Dad,” Louis spoke up eagerly.

Nick started the car and drove away from the house. It would not be too long before they arrived at the restaurant. “Where do you work?” Rose asked, trying to hide the tone of suspicion in her voice.

“My father took pity on me. I work at his insurance company. It took a while for him to trust me again. But Mum told Dad to give me a chance, especially when I got out of….”

“Prison,” Rose interrupted, and she noticed Nick straighten up in his seat. “That is good to hear. I’m glad your relationship with your parents is better. Better than mine, that is for sure,” she added under her breath.

It was not long until Nick parked near Bella Roma. Once they entered the restaurant, the three were seated quickly. Rose sat on one side, while Nick and Louis sat together on the other side. Rose sat back and watched the interaction between father and son. It was sweet to watch Louis interact with his father. As Rose looked between the two, she was reminded how much they both looked so very much alike. It was eerie. Dark brown hair and brown eyes were two of the features they shared, along with a dimple on their chin.

Soon, their waitress stopped by to get drink orders. “I’ll just have water, thank you,” said Rose. Truthfully, she would have liked a glass of wine to help take the edge off. However, Rose didn’t want anything to hinder her guard up around Nick.

They ended up ordering pizza to share and a plate of arancini as a starter. Louis was the one to dominate the conversation. He was desperately trying to get his parents to interact more. Louis kept praising his dad’s accomplishments to get his mum’s attention. “Mum, did you know dad volunteers to help underprivileged kids. It’s like, what did you refer to it as, a nice version of scared straight?”

Nick chuckled, “Something like that. I figured I could do something good and help guide kids to not make the same mistakes as me.”

Rose bit her tongue. For Louis’s sake, she would be nice. However, she wanted to bite back and ask Nick what he considers mistakes he has made throughout his life. Rose hoped he didn’t view Louis as some mistake. That would set her off. Rose picked at her pizza; she found herself not hungry all of a sudden. Nick and Louis continued to talk amongst themselves about mundane topics such as school, sports, music, etc.

At that moment, Rose’s thoughts drifted to Tommy. She wondered what he was doing, and kind of wished he was with her. That thought caught Rose off guard. She pulled out her phone and sent him a quick text. She wanted to let him know that she was out with Louis and Nick, along with wishing him a happy Easter. There were times where Rose wished she didn’t have to leave Tommy after their rendezvous in the hotel that Friday. She always felt safe with Tommy. There was a sense of security and a feeling of being protected.

Rose found herself that the more she hung around Tommy, the more she began to trust him, and the more Rose began to like Tommy, which scared her. She was not supposed to develop feelings for him. He was a client, after all. He paid for her services. She willingly allowed him to do unspeakable sexual acts to her. Rose was willing to let Tommy do things she would never allow any other man to do to her. She wondered what made Tommy different compared to someone like Luca or Alfie. Probably because, in a weird sense, Tommy treated Rose like a human being and not some toy. Yes, she knew Tommy tended to be possessive, but he still respected Rose’s boundaries. Rose trusted Tommy not ever to cross them.

“Rosie, are you still here?” Nick asked. He waved his hand in front of Rose’s face to get her attention.

“What?” Rose shook her head to clear her mind. “Sorry, what’s going on?”

“Dad asked you about the guy you are currently seeing,” Louis answered. He was frustrated that his dad brought up Tommy.

“Oh yeah, what about Tommy?”

“Just wondered how long you have been seeing this guy? How did you two meeting by the way?” Nick questioned. “I’ll be frank; I was stunned to find out that the mother of my child is dating the one and only Tommy Shelby. Isn’t he an OBE?”

Rose shrugged her shoulders at the question, “I guess he is an OBE. I don’t know; he has yet to show me his medal or whatever it is they get. You know, Tommy is just a guy I met, and we hit it off. Nothing too outrageous.”

“Is it serious?” Again, another question from Nick.

Louis sighed in annoyance, and Rose quickly picked up on her son’s discomfort on the subject of Tommy. “Let’s see if they have dessert,” Rose changed the subject and tried to wave over their waitress.

“Have you met him, Louis?” asked Nick turning towards his son.

Rolling her eyes, Rose interceded, “No, he has not met Tommy.”

“And I don’t want to,” Louis mumbled under his breath.

“Hey, here is an idea, how we don’t talk about Tommy, okay,” ordered Rose, and both guys agreed.

After sharing a tiramisu, Rose had enough and was ready to get back home. Nick offered to pay, and Rose didn’t fight him on it. She figured it was his way of showing he had his own money and could provide a meal for them. With their leftovers boxed up, Rose led the way back to Nick’s car.

“Louis, did you still want to go to the Apple store?” Rose asked him.

“Can we? I thought you wanted to get back home.”

“I do, but we can get the leftovers in the fridge, and I can take you,” replied Rose. Truthfully, she did not want to go. She had enough excitement for one day.

Suddenly, Nick piped in, “I can take him if you feel like staying home.”

Rose turned around to look at Louis, “Is that okay with you?”

“That’s fine,” answered Louis, happily. He was excited to get to spend some alone time with his dad.

Nick parked in front of the house. Rose and Louis and got out of the car. He handed the pizza boxes to Rose and got in the front seat. “I’ll see you late, sweetie. By Nick. Take care.”

“Bye, Rosie. Talk to you later.”

Rose waved them off and walked towards the house. She breathed a sigh of relief upon entry. She went upstairs to undress and put on a pair of comfortable sweats and sweater. All Rose wanted to do was relax.

Looking at the clock, it was only 3:30 PM. Lunch with Nick felt like it went on longer. As Rose was about to settle herself on the couch to watch television, the doorbell rang. “Now, who the Hell is that?”

“Fucking ‘ell, people. It’s Easter Sunday, for God’s sake.” She walked to the front door and opened it to find none other than Tommy Shelby.

“Tommy, what are you doing here?” inquired Rose, totally not expecting it to be him.

Clearing his throat, Tommy shuffled on his feet. He looked down, then up at Rose. “I…I needed to get out and away. It was all too much.”

Rose was confused by what Tommy was telling her. She motioned for Tommy to come inside, and he obliged. “What do you mean it was all too much? Are you okay?”

Guiding Tommy to the couch, Rose sat down next to him. She was concerned since she had never seen Tommy like this before. It was as if he was lost.

Tommy sighed, “I was at my sister’s house. Everyone was there, my brothers, their wives and kids, Aunt Polly and her husband, his kids. Everyone had someone but me. I was alone. Charlie was there, of course, but it if feels like the bond we once had is dwindling. He doesn’t need me. I watched him play with his cousins and interact with his aunts and uncles and realized that my son is better off without me.”

Rose was shocked at Tommy’s words. She scooted closer to him and placed a supported hand on his knee. “Tommy, no. That is not true. Of course, your son needs you. You are his father. You’re his family.”

“He has other family members who can give him the love and attention he deserves. Maybe I should have listened to Grace’s parents and had Charlie live with them.”

“No. Tommy, listen to me,” Rose began and made Tommy look at her. “Charlie is your son. You love him. You told me that you love him. He is a part of you and Grace. If you give Charlie up, you will regret it. Then you truly will lose him.”

“It would be better for him….”

“No, it would not. It would only scar that child for the rest of his life. He will feel that you abandoned him,” Rose stated firmly. “You’re not thinking clearly. It’s a holiday. We all get weird when we are forced to hang around family members. Just stay here for a while and relax.”

Rose found that her hand moved from Tommy’s knee to his hand sitting back on the couch. He was holding on tight as if he was afraid Rose would disappear. She used her other hand to cover his. Rose wanted Tommy to know that she was not going anywhere. Taking in Tommy’s appearance, he was dressed in blue jeans, a black sweater, and black boots. It was the most casual look Rose had ever seen Tommy. She was always used to seeing him in suits. It was a nice change. However, the look on his face was one of sadness and defeat.

“Tell me what you need, Tommy?” Rose asked. She pulled Tommy closer to her and wrapped an arm around him. “Tell me how I can make it better,” she crooned in his ear and ran her fingers through his hair.

What did Tommy want? He was unsure. A part of Tommy didn’t want to feel always in control. That he could let go and be in the moment. That’s what he wanted; he wanted to be in the moment with Rose. Just the two of them, sitting together. “I just want to sit here, with you, Rose. That’s all I want right now. I don’t want to think about anything.”

Kissing the top of Tommy’s head, Rose leaned her head on his. “Okay, we can do that, Tommy. I’m here. Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”

#tommy shelby #tommy shelby x oc #thomas shelby #thomas shelby x oc #peaky blinders #peaky blinders fic

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shadowsof-thenight · 3 years

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Flashlight: Twenty-two

Story summary: This is an AU Two years ago, the love of your life walked out the door, breaking your heart into a million pieces. He had been unable to deal with his ptsd and you hadn’t been able to help him.Now that your best friend is marrying his friend, he’s coming back to town and you try to brace yourself for the reunion. Will you finally get closure?

Ship: Bucky Barnes X Reader

Warnings: Sadness, depression, mentions of trauma

Words: 2970 *** A/N: I do apologise for the gaps between chapters, I just didn’t want to put anything out that was half-assed. Writing this story has been increasingly difficult, but I still have a clear vision of what I want and need to have happen. This chapter will catapult the story into the final fase, so I hope you’ll all enjoy it.

As always a huge thank you to my wonderful beta, @gnomewithalaptop, for helping me! Feedback in any way, shape or form is greatly appreciated! *** Masterlist Story Masterlist ***

It felt like you had been hit with a hammer when you woke up the following morning, and you were grateful that the long weekend would give you an extra day to recover. Though sleep had found you quickly upon arriving home, it had been plagued with dreams, both sweet and terrible, and you had woken up several times—leaving you feeling exhausted. You tried to close your eyes again, but your mind was already racing with last night’s events, and you knew it would be no good.

Therefore you grabbed your phone from the bedside table and sent off a quick text to Maria and Sam, repeating your sentiments from the previous night; you were incredibly happy for them. Maria was quick to reply, thanking you and following it up with an inquiry as to your wellbeing. She was worried. Sam, however, remained silent. Of course, he had never been one to answer immediately, unless he happened to be holding his phone at the exact moment a message came. It didn’t matter. Your congratulations didn’t really need a response.

Then you sent a message to Natasha, telling her that you’d call her later in the day unless you expressly told you not to. Of course, you hoped she wouldn’t deter you—you needed to know how she and Clint were doing, and you wanted to let them know that you would always be there for them. Thankfully, Natasha gave a quick reply that she was okay and would talk to you later. You smiled and were just about to place the phone back on the bedside table when Wanda rang. She’d probably seen your activity on WhatsApp. You smiled and answered her, trying to sound as chipper as you could possibly manage.

After a short conversation where you managed to convince her that you were doing just fine, you finally got up and made yourself some breakfast, which you proceeded to eat splayed out in front of the tv, mindlessly nibbling as you flicked through the channels. Time flew by as you did so, eventually you stopped flicking and lingered on Investigation Discovery. It was dark and terrible—murder and tragedy—most of which didn’t really register with you, but it did quiet the thoughts in your head long enough to let your shoulders relax a little as you slouched on the couch.

By the time you got dressed, midday had come and gone, and you decided it would be a good moment to check your mail. You’d recently signed up on a few job-searching websites and were now casually looking for a job that you might enjoy more than the one you already had. Most of the daily emails you received from those websites went ignored, as work kept you busy, but perhaps now you could check out what was on offer.

You turned the computer on, and as it booted up, you walked into the kitchen and put on the kettle. With a hot cup of green tea, you sat down at the kitchen table and signed into your account. However, just as you were about to turn your attention to the screen, a knock on the door distracted you. Confused about who it could possibly be, you got up to open it; you weren’t expecting anyone. For a moment, you wondered if it could be Wanda, not convinced by your chipper demeanour on the phone. However, the surprise was big when the open door revealed Bucky. Stepping aside to let him in, you didn’t say a word—you just followed his movements with confusion.

“Sorry to barge in, but—“ Bucky started, cutting himself off and fidgeting with the set of keys in his hands.

You wondered if he’d suddenly realised how forward he had been by coming here and perhaps wanted to backtrack. Momentarily, you contemplated giving him the out he might’ve wanted, if only your own curiosity on what he might have to say wasn’t ever-growing inside of you. He had appeared closer to the man you had known most of your life—determination and a certain fierceness in his steps—and you were not about to let him slide back into the dark hole he had made for himself over the past few years.

“It’s fine. Sit down,” you offered, your mind spinning with all the things he could possibly want to say.

“Thanks,” Bucky said and walked towards the kitchen table. You remembered that was where he’d liked to sit most often. The couch was for actual lounging, he had said then. Bucky didn’t sit though. Instead, he walked past the table and stared out of the window beyond it. It was a good view, but you doubted he saw much of it. His stare seemed miles and miles away.

“I’m too restless to sit, sorry,” he said after a moment, looking back to where you stood by the door.

Shaking from your staring, you finally closed the front door and followed him into the apartment. Meanwhile, Bucky shuffled his feet in place, as if to prove the honesty of his words. Of course, it had been clear before that. You had already seen his shoulders raised high, shortly after he had started fidgeting with his keys. The only question was, was it the apartment that you had once shared that made him uneasy, or whatever he wanted to tell you?

“I was going to write you an email—to answer your questions—because words seem to come easier when I’m not looking into those eyes of yours,” he said with a rueful smile, which you returned. He had always spoken so complimentary about your eyes in the past, and it suddenly struck you that he had not done so since his return.

“But you deserve better. More. So before I knew it, I was outside your door,” he finished, and you smiled. He really was nervous, and it was adorable. Which only made it harder to stay aloof. And you really wanted to keep some distance. It was all too easy to wrap him in your arms once more.

“Should I leave?” he asked after a few seconds, and you chuckled as you shook your head.

“No, it’s okay. I just wasn’t expecting you.” You wondered how you might help him relax a little, but nothing came to mind. You’d truly lost touch with what made him tick.

“If it helps, until I rang the doorbell, I wasn’t so sure I’d come either,” he said with a shrug.   “Nervous huh?” Captain Obvious, you thought to yourself, mentally rolling your eyes at the useless comment.

“Yeah, but you’re right. You deserve answers and I’ve had the entire night to think about it.”

“I would’ve been fine with a few more days, let you get some sleep,” you half-joked, and he chuckled at those words.

“I know, but I didn’t want to chicken out again.”

“I see, well, in that case, I’m glad you’re here, Buck,” you offered with another smile, before asking him if he wanted something to drink. Without waiting for an answer, you had already moved towards the kitchen and glanced back at him when no sound followed the question. He finally asked for water, and you brought him a glass.

“Can I read the email I was going to send…and you can say or ask anything afterwards?” Bucky asked nervously, not meeting your eyes as he spoke.

“So basically, shut up and listen,” you joked, and he blushed violently as he tried to tell you that that wasn’t what he meant. You laughed at his response and told him you were just joking, you’d listen.

“I’ve been trying and failing to give you the answers you need and deserve, so I thought if I tried to write it down, things might be clearer.” He took a breath and shyly looked up from his paper. True to your word, you kept quiet and simply smiled in encouragement. He nodded in reply and went back to his piece of paper.

“First of all, I am sorry. So terribly sorry. For all the pain, the uncertainty, and the anger I left you with. I never wanted to hurt you. I had convinced myself that by leaving, I’d make your life easier. I felt like a burden, and you deserved better.”

It took quite some self-control not to interrupt him at that. You wanted to shake him, tell him that he wasn’t the one that got to decide what you did or did not deserve. He took away your choice. But you kept mum, thinking you could shake him afterwards. Or give him a verbal lashing, whichever felt most fitting by the end of his speech.

“When I first came home from the hospital, I didn’t know if I wanted to live. It was so hard to adjust to life, and everyone telling me that I was lucky just made me angry. I didn’t feel lucky to be alive. I’d lost an arm and was in constant pain. I felt weak and broken and every time you reached out to help me, it made those feelings worse.”

A lump formed in your throat, and as you regarded the man before you, you realised how hard it was for him to tell you this. You blamed yourself that you hadn’t initially seen his depression. Or perhaps you hadn’t wanted to see how deep his pain ran.

“I didn’t know how to let you or anyone else help me. I felt unworthy of help. Unworthy of living. Why had Steve and I survived, when three other wonderful men had died? And Steve was still there, and I couldn’t really talk to him about it. I didn’t dare ask him if he felt the same.”

He took a shaky breath, and you fought the urge to reach out to him. You weren’t sure if that was what he needed. This explained the distance that had been created between him and Steve.  Steve had struggled as well, upon coming home. He had the same survivor's guilt, but unlike Bucky, he had been rather open about it. He’d sought out professional help, gone to veteran groups. And he had chosen to volunteer with homeless vets. It was his way of giving back to a community that meant so much to him. You wondered if Steve was still struggling as well. He always seemed so put together, but he was only human. Pushing that thought aside for a later date, you focussed your attention back on Bucky.

“My therapist told me that what I was feeling was normal. A result of the trauma. But it felt so wrong, and I refused to acknowledge it. Which didn’t help, of course. I didn’t even tell anyone that I was diagnosed with depression. I didn’t want pity and I was certain that was all I’d get. But pretending that it didn’t exist made me feel like a fraud. It was a double-edged sword that I kept falling onto, twisting the blade deeper and deeper with no idea of how to get it out.”

“You kept reaching out to me, you were so sweet and gentle. As if I could break at any second. For a while that even made me angry.” He looked up at you again, and you tried to keep the tears from falling, but it hurt and you knew it was clear on your face when the pained expression on his face intensified.

“I had to get out. I was afraid I’d swallow you whole, drag you into that dark pit I was sinking into. You never lost your patience with me, and I just thought I would end up breaking you. My anger would be like a lashing, and my depression a coffin to suffocate you. You deserved better than anything I had to offer. You deserved a man full of life, uncomplicated and preferably with all his limbs intact.”

You gasped and finally reached to place a hand on his arm, squeezing softly. How had you missed the depth of his pain? And how had you managed to make it worse? That was certainly something you would have to figure out. Had your attempt to support him suffocated him? He had needed space, and whenever he made that clear, you clung to him even harder—it was suddenly so clear how your approach had been the opposite of what he needed.

“Despite my anger and the lack of effort to let you in, you kept trying. And the guilt added to my depression. It weighed so heavily on my shoulders, and it made me see that you wouldn’t leave me. I had to be the one to do it. I no longer knew how to speak to you. Never knew how to ask you how you felt. All I knew was that I couldn’t comfort you anymore, even though I saw your pain. And you couldn’t comfort me either. So I decided that I couldn’t be your fiancé anymore. I couldn’t be anything to you. So I left, like a thief in the night.

I thought you’d be relieved once I was gone, that you’d move on. That everyone would simply forget about me, happy to be rid of the burden I had become.” He took a deep breath, before adding;

“I was a coward, but I’m trying to fix that.” His voice broke and tears ran down his cheeks as he placed the paper down on the table, his eye averted, as if he was avoiding your expression, your response.

The silence stretched and your head was swimming. How could you possibly respond to this? It was quite a lot. Slowly, you sat down in one of the chairs around the table, staring at the piece of paper. It felt like an eternity that you sat there, neither of you uttering a single word and not even looking at one another.

Words evaded you, while tears flowed freely. You knew it had to be you who broke the silence. It had taken a lot of progress for him to share this letter with you in person, but it did not make a response any easier to give. Finally, you decided to do the one thing that had always come naturally to you. You stood again and reached forward, pulling Bucky into a tight hug. And he didn’t hesitate for long before returning it and holding on just as tight.

“I’m sorry for suffocating you,” you whispered when you pulled back from the hug a while later.

“You didn’t—“ Bucky started to say, but you cut him off with a wave of your hand.

“Yes, I did. You needed room to breathe, to work through it and I was too afraid that you’d slip and fall if I stepped back. I was holding on so tightly that I pushed you away.”

“No! It was all on me. I should’ve told you what I needed. Instead, I stopped talking.” It was soon clear to you that Bucky was willing to take all the blame, and though you appreciated the effort, it wasn’t fair on either of you to ignore either side of the problem.

“And I let you. I moved on assumptions, but you had changed and I no longer knew you as well as before. I should’ve made you talk—even if it wasn’t to me.”

Bucky chuckled a little ruefully and you frowned, tilting your head to the side as you wondered what had caused that action.

“So we’re both going to carry that guilt then?” he asked with a small smirk and you smiled.

“If only we had shared the load, but no, we had to be masochists about it,” you offered and gained another chuckle for your efforts. It was a nice sound to hear.

“And I am infinitely sorry that I turned to ignoring you as I worked through my own issues,” you added a moment later. Knowing now that it certainly hadn’t helped matters.

“I deserved it.” Bucky shrugged off your apologies.

“No, it was passive-aggressive, and we both know that never really helps.”

“Can I say one more thing?” you asked and he nodded. “You are not less of a man, because you lived through trauma—you know that now, right?”

He shrugged, and you felt another sharp sting in your heart.

“Bucky, you’ve been through something horrible. And you have a daily reminder as well. I cannot begin to imagine how hard that must be, but you are still worthy of love. In fact, I think that the fact that all your friends were eager to forgive your absence should tell you that you still are very much loved. Nothing can change that.”

He smiled at your words, clearly not entirely convinced, but you accepted victory in the fact that he didn’t try to fight your words.

“I think for now, I have to work on me, while you work on you,” you said with a sigh and a weak smile. “Maybe work on loving ourselves again, and find out who we are now.”

“Maybe reinvent ourselves a little,” he said, smiling ruefully. This wasn’t the ending either of you had imagined—but it was the end you both needed, neither of you could deny it.

“As long as you don’t forget one thing Buck; you are a good man,”

Hugging him close, you hoped to convey all the feelings that were swirling around inside of you. You loved him deeply, but you had both changed from who you had been together. Perhaps too much to fit back together. And for now, you both needed to walk alone. Who knew where you’d find yourselves once you’d gotten back to who you really were.

#Bucky Barnes x Reader #Bucky Barnes Fanfiction #Marvel Fanfiction #Bucky Barnes modern day AU #Bucky Barnes

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chaletnz · 3 years

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Furano Trip

To make the most of my two days off I decided to drive to Furano after finishing work, to ensure I would be able to see the lavender first thing in the morning. I packed up the car and had a shower, then headed off. About 5 minutes after leaving home, I approached a cat sitting calmly in the middle of my lane, I screeched to a stop and the cat didn’t run so I rolled over the top and then it must’ve slunk away. It was enough to give me a fright, I drove a little slower from that point on since I was still in town. Well, after clearing Kutchan town I was on a country road on the way towards the mountains and the second cat was not as lucky... He darted out from a farmhouse and I saw his little ginger face in the split second before he bounced into the right front tyre. There was a bit of a thud but no bump. He ran off into the bushes. Very shakily I pulled over and went to investigate, there was a woman there who could speak English and she said she had seen him run down into the bushes surrounding the farm. I left with an eerie feeling that maybe I should go back home and drive tomorrow, like these cats were meant to be a sign. I drove on for about an hour, my lights on highbeam and my eyes on high alert – I was more concerned about deer now. I pulled over after another hour or so and sent a message to my mum just in case the universe was conspiring, and then the spookiest part... As I was sitting in the car recording my message, a third cat came running towards me! In the middle of nowhere! Very carefully I drove around it and back on to the road and that was thankfully the last cat I saw on the drive. After that it was smooth, I stopped for a late night McDonald’s at Chitose and then drove on until I found a nice big parking lot with a 24 hour toilet. There were bugs everywhere in the heat of a warm summer’s night, flying around the lights of the toilet building. I slept quite well all things considered.

The next morning I woke up around 6am when the heat in the car simply became too much to bear. It was gearing up to be at least 30 degrees today. Somehow the exact time I wanted to use the bathroom there was a cleaning crew surrounding it and I could just quickly brush my teeth and wash my face before leaving. I started by visiting a large campground park that I had intended on staying at last night but didn’t quite reach there, and luckily I hadn’t because it was a crowded carpark with a far worse toilet! I drove up to the first lavender field of the day, Choei Lavender Farm. There was a winding road up the back to reach a mountaintop viewpoint overlooking the lavender and the Kamifurano township. I battled to take some videos with my GoPro that seemed to be struggling in the heat already – by 8am it was already 28 degrees. Japan doesn’t do daylight savings so it means that sunrise is about 3am in summer so the hottest part of the day is earlier in the morning than you would expect. I parked down at the bottom of this farm and took a few more photos although it wasn’t possible to get a good angle of the word “Kamifurano” spelled out in Hiragana in large lettering filled with colourful flowers. I decided to get some gas because Kimbo was already thirsty again, and then arrived at Farm Tomita just before 9am. As Google maps directed me there, she made sure to inform me “this destination will be closed when you arrive” but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to wait for 10 minutes in the carpark. Well it seemed that the Japanese had the same idea! The main parking lot was already full and the parking attendant waved his lightsaber to guide me right down to the back lot. Furano has great flower fields but not much shade so poor Kimbo had to suffer in the sun while I went for a walk around. By now it was 30 degrees and humid. Japanese people carried umbrellas and wore full length sleeves in the heat. Many people were dressed up in their Sunday best to take family photos in the lavender with a bouquet purchased from the gift shop for 500 yen. Dogs were posed for photos and then taken back into the shade where they could lie down. I took my photos and walked around the perimeter but it was far too hot for me so I had to browse in one of the air conditioned gift shops to cool down. I tried to walk up the side of one of the more shady lavender fields but it was deceivingly steep and I struggled to get halfway! It was time for an ice cream break by 9.30am, and of course I had to try the lavender ice cream again. It was a soft purple colour, with a mild taste and started dripping immediately. Luckily there was a shady seat to sit and eat it and appreciate the views of Kamifurano and the mountains in the distance. In winter Furano is also a hugely popular ski resort that is often paired with Niseko for longer snowsports trips. To distract my thoughts, a child squeaked in with those annoying shoes that sound like you’re standing on a plush toy squeaker with every step. All heads turned to look at the child, who promptly trips up and starts scream-crying uncontrollably. And now my relaxing ice cream break was ruined. I walked around a little bit more and bought a few postcards and lavender things to send home then sat down for a drink and a potato croquette for an early lunch. I had been waiting around for a bit because I wanted to visit a café nearby that opened only at 12pm. It was relaxing anyway to sit and watch Japanese people enjoying the lavender and trying to get the best photos when the entirety of the scene is purple!

I drove to Kamifurano town and parked at the post office as I couldn’t find any free parking lots near the Polar Coffee café, I withdrew some cash and then walked there as a loud alarm sounded through the city – presumably a test as no one seemed even mildly concerned. On Instagram yesterday I’d seen that my colleagues Tim and Nick had come to this café which is owned by a Taiwanese guy (they’re also Taiwanese) and it had a good vibe from their photos so I was determined to try! It was even better than expected, I ordered a flat white and it was not only very Instagrammable but also cheaper than anywhere in Niseko. Cooling down in the air conditioned café was also a highlight. After my coffee I made the long drive to Asahikawa to see a rice field. But not just any rice field, one planted very carefully with different varieties of rice that had coloured shoots. The reason I made this long drive just for a rice field is because the second half of July is the perfect time to view such rice fields - the rice shoots have grown in and are brightly coloured at this time. I was very proud of myself as I directed myself to the field. Although a lot of people online said it was so hard to find, I had no trouble at all. Actually my Google map would have led me exactly there but I followed some signposts instead that said “tanbo art” on them in Japanese, and the reason I was so proud – I could actually read what it said! I was the only person there so I parked where I pleased and climbed up the viewing platform to see the art. Unfortunately the field was so wide that it was hard to take a photo of the entire thing, even with panorama! The design changes each year and this time it was a couple of anime characters, there was also something written way off to the left that wasn’t really visible from the platform and I could only see “2021” and some squashed Japanese characters from the ground. Anyhow, it was a very unique attraction and I was glad I had made the trip to see it. My next destination was the Ningle Terrace; a series of log cabin-esque boutique shops arranged along a wooden walkway in the forest. If my phone wasn’t so terrible with capturing greenery then it would’ve been another Instagram-worthy place to see but other than a cool photos the souvenirs were quite expensive and many of the shops were closed anyway. I took a long drive from Furano to Obihiro for tomorrow’s adventure and stopped at a mall for a KFC dinner. Usually Japanese KFC is great, but this one had unfriendly staff and they gave me a half frozen burger which I had to send back for a fresh one. I bought a few supermarket supplies and then drove towards the small Obihiro airport once it was dark to find a suitable parking space for the night. I passed the airport parking lot as it there were too many floodlights which would make it hard to sleep, further up the road there was a small shoulder so I stayed there in the pitch black instead, with a nice forest on either side. I got out of the car to change into my shorts to sleep but I heard rustling in the bushes and freaked out! Instead I changed inside with the doors locked. I felt a little uneasy falling asleep as there had been searchlights beaming around the sky that I’d assumed were to find intruders sneaking into the abandoned Gluck Kingdom theme park and I worried someone would knock on my car window and tell me to move on. Of course I didn’t want to get caught on my urban exploring but I thought “you would have to be absolutely insane to venture in there at night”. As it turned out though, the lights were for the airport perimeter security and nothing to do with the theme park coincidentally located about a kilometre opposite.

#Japan #Furano

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foutbolimajine · 4 years

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please, just leave me alone. ⦁ ruben loftus-cheek pt. 2

word count: 2053 ⦁ short/medium/(too damn) long

(rqst), tw [miscarriage]

For the first time in a long time (seven months to be exact), I felt hurt. Betrayed. Foolish. I was freezing cold and burning hot at the same time. I’d taken the long way to my flat, took an extra lengthy shower, and cuddled with my dog (all while crying my eyes out) and yet. The next morning and I still felt like absolute shit. The worst part of it all was Vinny. She knew how much pain I’d been in the last seven months. She was there with me all through the stages of heartbreak. I’d cried on her shoulder, on her couch, in her bed, and in her cereal on one occasion. She had stressed how he wasn’t going to be there all week and while I would never admit it out loud, it’s the only reason I told Juliette I would come to her party.

I let out a groan before finally turning back on my phone that immediately started going off with notifications. I would pretend to be surprised, but I’m not. I’d put my phone on do not disturb and airplane mode but that didn’t stop the incessant badgering from Ruben and his family. After I left, the entirety of the Loftus-Cheek clan began mass texting/calling/FaceTiming/DMing me on literally every platform possible. I’m sure there’s a lonely message in my kik inbox from Isaac just begging me to hear out his P.O.S. brother. Or maybe a message from Ruben himself lies in my old, embarrassing email that he always teased me about when we first met. I snort at the thought of Ruben emailing [email protected].

The thought only kept the miniscule smile on my face for so long. I finally huff and call Lavinia, she being the LC that had absolutely wrecked my inboxes more so than the others.

“Ayla? Ayla! I am so sorry! I swear to God I didn’t know Ruben was coming. He wasn’t even supposed to be in town. He didn’t think you’d come so he decided to surprise everyone. I promise I would never do this to you purposefully. I don’t even know what possessed him to bring her, but they’re not even friends! They both swear it and Rubes feels terrible. He cried, Ayla. Like actually bawled in our living room. He misses you so much. We all feel so bad. There was barely any time to warn you since they came literally like five minutes before us. I’m so sorry.” She picks up and doesn’t let out so much as a “Hello?” before she begins rambling. I suppose knowing that she also didn’t know makes me feel a little better.

“H-he cried?” God, you are pathetic, woman! One tear (that you didn’t even see) and you’re ready to forgive him?

“Yes, Ayla. It was totally bizarre. Mum could barely console him.” I close my eyes and inwardly groan at how weak I am. Or rather, how weak he made me.

“I’ll um, call him. Same number?” I mumble, even though I knew it was from the several new messages from “cheeky ❤️” sitting in my inbox as we speak. Vinny let’s out an undignified squeal that causes my dog, Ira’s ears to perk up. She apologizes at least 50 times more before finally hanging up and leaving me alone to do what I said I would. Although, there were dishes in my sink. And I needed to vacuum my lounge. And Ira’s toys were thrown all over my office. There was so much more to do than talk to my cheating ex.

I bend down to pick Ira up and kiss his head. “Yeah, we’re entirely too busy to deal with that right now. Aren’t we, buddy?” He of course doesn’t answer, but I know he agrees with me. So I spend the next six hours doing literally any and everything to not focus on my situationship. And when the last candle had been lit, and all my emails completely cleaned out, I sat on my bed with my phone staring back at me.

“I should read his messages first, right?” Ira continues to chew his rope on the other side of the room. “Right. Just a dog.” I sigh and finally unlock my phone. First thing first, that contact name has to go.

ruben loftus-cheeks for everybody: ayla please answer my calls. please it’s not what you think it is

ruben loftus-cheeks for everybody: i miss you. so much

ruben loftus-cheeks for everybody: i’m not w sheena. it was a mistake. please babe

ruben loftus-cheeks for everybody: i love you ayla. please answer me

ruben loftus-cheeks for everybody: i know why you’re upset but please just let me explain!

ruben loftus-cheeks for everybody: i remember you saying how loving and being in love were different. and you were right. i'm so in love with you ayla yanna cooper. so so so in love

ruben loftus-cheeks for everybody: im sorry

I don’t realize I’m crying until my vision blurs and my phone screen turns wet. For seven months I’d tried to wrap my brain around what happened to us. Why me? Was I not enough? Was it because I didn’t make him a father? What did Sheena have that I didn’t? Everyday, for all those months, a thousand and one thoughts of him ran through my head and didn’t think to look both ways before crossing my mind. Sometime between my initial heartbreak and my “getting over it” I had convinced myself that Ruben didn’t love me. That he hadn’t loved me for the three and a half years we’d been together romantically, or for the two years prior that we’d just been best friends. Damn you, Ruben Loftus-Cheek.

The phone doesn’t ring twice before it’s picked up. He doesn’t say anything, but I know he’s there by the slow breathing on the other side of the line.

“Ruben-”

“Ayla-”

We both let out awkward chuckles before I tell him that he can go first. “I would actually much rather do this in person...if that’s okay with you?” He asks gingerly. It wasn’t okay with me at all, actually. Not even a little bit. Who did he think he was? Of course the answer is no.

“Uh, s-sure. I’ll text you my address. Bye.” I hang up before he can respond and immediately throw my phone. “SURE? SURE? REALLY AYLA? SURE?” I scream into my pillow, completely shocked at how much of a dumbass I really was. I take two (hundred) deep breaths while on the search to find my phone, trying to buy myself both time and a peace of mind. It had somehow wedged itself between Ira’s dog bed and my dresser, but unfortunately wasn’t broken. At least then I’d have an excuse as to why I never responded. I quickly type out my address and let the doorman know to let him up and then put my phone on the charger so I don’t touch it.

It feels like all too soon the buzz of my doorbell sounds throughout my flat and Ira bolts out my bedroom. Ira hadn’t seen his dad in months, the last time being when Isaac had watched him for me while I traveled to America on business. I was positive their reunion would be significantly better than ours had been. With one final breath, I open the door and allow Ira to take all of Ruben’s attention while I looked at him.

It was clear he’d left immediately from his gray sweats and wrinkled white tee. He’d chosen slides to accompany his mix-matched socks, and was lacking a jacket despite the cool weather. He also hadn’t shaved, which is something I always liked. His eyes were red and puffy, something I’m sure we shared in common. And while I hate to admit it, despite every disgruntled thing about him, my heart still beat faster in his presence.

I clear my throat and he finally looks at me. “Um, come in?” He walks past me with Ira in his arms and I nearly faint. Still found time to put on that cologne. “Do you...want something to drink? Forgive me, I didn’t exactly have enough time to pull out the charcuterie board.” He laughs at my sarcasm and shakes his head. “I’m good, thank you. Can we sit?” So we do, and the air immediately gets thicker.

“You read my messages?” He asks, sheepishly. I nod in response, not trusting my voice enough to give him a verbal answer. “I mean it, Ayla. I am so, so in love with you. Never in this life would I ever hurt you purposefully. That night was a mistake. I was never going to let it get that far. She-”

“I don’t want to talk about that night, Ruben. You said you wanted to talk so here we are: talking. What happened, happened. I saw it with all two of my eyes. There’s nothing much you can do to explain yourself there. I don’t care what she did; I’m not- I wasn’t in a relationship with her. I don’t know her, nor do I ever want to. She didn’t promise to love me, to be faithful to me. She wasn’t who I was sleeping next to at night. She wasn’t who I put love, energy, and time into for three and a half years. I didn’t-” I can’t help the tears that begin to fall. “I didn’t lose her baby.” Ruben tries to hold me and I push him away. “You’re not allowed to do that anymore.”

I find the courage to look at his face and see how absolutely broken he looks. I may sound like a monster but that look on his face, it did make me feel just a bit better. It was nice to know the feeling was mutual. I struggled so much in the last year. I’d lost my baby, my boyfriend, and consequently my home. I was uprooted and I literally felt like I was walking on new legs for so long. And now, just when I was getting my shit together, he decided to come back and undo most of the work I’d done to make the broken puzzle I was, whole again. He should feel broken, because I was.

He clears his throat and grabs my hand. “Okay, we don’t have to talk about then. Let’s talk about right now; me and you. Right now, I miss you and I love you. And I would do anything in this world to have you back. You didn’t lose the baby; we did. And in my grief I made a bad decision I wish I could take back, but I can’t. What I can promise you though, I will spend the rest of my life trying to win you back because there is no one in this world more perfect for me than you, Ayla Tanya Cooper. Plus...I miss Ira.”

I roll my eyes and begrudgingly let the smile I was holding back show on my face. I jump as Ruben shoots out his seat and runs around the couch, whooping. “We got a smile!” He shouts, Ira running and barking closely behind him. I grab a throw pillow and cover my face. Jesus, what am I going to do with this man. He flops down beside me and sends me that killer smile. “So?”

“I never want to see you with that woman again.”

He doesn’t hesitate, “Done.”

I squint at him. “I mean it, Ruben.”

“Me too. She randomly saw me and asked what plans I had last night. She invited herself, I swear. She’s gone, I promise.”

“And we have to be friends again before anything else. You have a lot of trust to earn back.”

His bottom lip folds in as his cheeks raise. “As long as you let me back in your life, we can work on the rest.”

I silently pray before sighing. “Fine. Whatever, of course. You’re in.” I roll my eyes again at his excitement. This time he runs all over the room before crushing me in a hug. “Thank you, Ayla.” He whispers in my ear. “You won’t regret it.” I hum and just bask in the feeling of holding him close again.

#ruben loftus cheek #ruben loftus cheek imagine #hope yall enjoy #soccer imagines #football imagines

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schrijverr · 4 years

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Joe Comes Home

Joe finally returns from the front as well. After witnessing a nightmare from Will and the tenderness between Will and his brother, he brings it up later and the relationship comes to light.

Part of a series that starts with Returning Home.

On AO3.

Ships: Will Schofield x Tom Blak

Warnings: PTSD, nightmares, light disassocation and mentions of homophobia. Tell me if I missed anythine and be careful!

~~~~~~~~~~

January 18th 1919

Dear mum, Tom and all the Schofields,

I am writing this letter with the knowledge that it will be short, for I will be able to tell you my stories in person shortly. I am returning home and am set to arrive at the London platform on the 21st of January.

I am able to go home now, since my boss at the butchers has put in an application to get me back for work, so send him my thanks in advance and tell him I’ll be back for work on Wednesday.

I am looking forward to seeing you again or meeting you.

Yours,

Joseph Blake

This was the letter that arrived the day before Joe would be arriving. The people living in the home had been writing regularly with the last remaining soldier of the family on the front and stories about lives had been swapped throughout the months. Mary and Jane were very excited to meet this new potential uncle and Mrs. Blake had been near tears when she’d finished the letter.

It had been decided that Tom and Will would be the ones to pick Joe up from the station and travel back home with him.

Tom was very excited about the prospect, but Will was still slightly terrified that the older Blake brother would be angry with him after delivering false news about the death of his beloved brother. Tom, and Joe in his letters, had reassured him before, but he still worried.

That night he and Tom laid in bed, both on their backs. Tom had tucked his hands under his head and Will rested his head in the crook of Toms armpit. Tom was smiling up at the ceiling as he said: “I’m so happy were seeing Joe again tomorrow. The last time I saw him must’ve been just before his leave was over in 1916, right before I joined as well.”

“That is a long time to not see someone.” Will agreed.

Then Tom thought of something and he said: “Huh, I guess, you’ve seen him last out of all of us.”

Will cringed as he thought back on that day and the state he had been in. He replied: “Not in the best of circumstances, sadly. I don’t know what he will think of me.”

Tom looked down and frowned: “He’s not going to think bad of you. I’m sure he’s going to love you.”

“You don’t know that.” Will pouted, “It could be horrible and he’ll hate me.”

“He’s not going to. He said so himself in his letters, no hard feelings.” Tom tried to reassure him.

Will bit his lip and replied: “Yeah, but what if he sees me and suddenly changes his mind? Or what if living with two seven-year-olds is bad and he hates Mary and Jane? Or what if Polly and he just don’t get along? You can’t prepare for those kind of things.”

“Will, love, don’t worry.” Tom said, “We can’t prepare for them, sure, but worrying about them when they might not even happen is useless.”

“I know that.” Will said with a frown, “But it doesn’t make it easier.”

Tom smiled, but didn’t say anything as he started to run his hand through Wills hair, hoping to lull his lover to sleep so that he could stop worrying for today. It seemed to work, since he heard a soft sigh into his neck as Will snuggled closer. Toms smile broadened and he settled down for the night as well.

It wasn’t an easy night. Worry of the day wormed its way into Wills dreams, causing him to wake up with a scream around four in the morning. If anyone else in the house had been woken by it, they didn’t come. Everyone had learned quickly that it was best to leave Tom to deal with it after the first few times they had barged in and Will had flipped even more.

Tom blinked a few times, before his eyes focused on the heaving figure that sat up straight next to him. When he looked into Wills eyes they weren’t far away like usual, but alert and anxious. Carefully Tom laid his hand on Wills shoulder and whispered: “It’s alright, love, just a dream. Probably a shit dream, but just a dream.”

In any other state of mind, Will probably would have chuckled at the description, but now all he had was a small huff as he focused on Tom.

Tom started to rub his shoulders. Bit by bit they started to relax, first they unclenched then the knots disappeared until Will was practically slumped again him. Tom smiled softly while he kept up the ministrations. After a while he asked: “Do you want to try and go back to sleep or do you want to drink some tea?”

It was a habit they had fallen into the past half year. Whenever one would wake from terrors past they offered the same thing to one another: tea or sleep. Sometimes they were able to go to sleep again, but usually they got up for tea. The idea was that the small break could make it easer to go back to sleep again, although most of the time it was the start of their day.

“Tea.” Will answered and Tom wasn’t really surprised.

They got up and went downstairs in their nightclothes. Tom put on the kettle, while Will sat down in one of the chairs and rubbed his face with his hand.

Once they both had a cup of tea in their hands, Tom gently broached the subject and asked: “Want to tell me what you were dreaming about?”

Will shrugged and replied: “Just the usual, mostly.”

“Mostly?” Tom repeated as question.

Will bit his lip, before he said: “I was running over the trenches and then along them, like I did back then. I stumbled and- and I fell, when I looked down it was a corpse of a solider. It was Joe. He- he grabbed me and accused me of murdering you. I tried to explain that you weren’t- you weren’t dead, but he didn’t want to listen. He pointed and asked me what that was then and it was you, also- also dead. That’s when I woke up.”

Tom took a pensive sip of his tea, before he said: “That sounds awful, I wish I could take those dreams away from you.”

Will sighed and answered: “I do too, sometimes. But if some nightmares are the price I pay to have you here by my side, then I will pay that price a thousand times without question.”

Blushing Tom ducked his head slightly, before looking up and meeting Wills eyes. They were soft and sleepy. The corners crinkled slightly as Will smiled sweetly at him. Tom returned the gesture as they continued to sip their tea in silence.

After they were done, Will said: “I don’t think, I’ll be going to sleep again, but I don’t mind to be alone. I still have that book to finish.”

“Okay, but wake me early, love.” Tom replied, getting the message: Will wanted to be alone and clear his head.

Will promised he would and Tom went back to their room, where he laid down on Wills side and burrowed his face into Wills pillow, still holding Wills comforting scent. He was away in seconds.

Keeping his promise, Tom was awoken at half past six in the morning by an apologetic Will, who kissed him softly before he said: “I wanted to wake you later, but I don’t know how early you meant with early and Myrtle was begging me to take her on a walk and I didn’t want to leave without you.”

Tom yawned, then slung his arms around Wills neck and tugged him down as he mumbled: “Warm.”

Will chuckled: “Yes, I am warm. I sat by the fire, but you have to get up now.”

“Don’t wanna.” Tom whined.

“You’re going to have to, Tom. Otherwise we’ll be late to pick up Joe.” Will answered with a smile, totally smitten by the adorable picture Tom made while being so sleepy.

With the mention of Joe Tom stirred some more and stopped grumbling as he got dressed quickly, while Will made the bed.

They took a shorter route that morning, but Myrtle didn’t seem to mind that much. When they got back the others had awoken as well and Mrs. Blake was preparing breakfast for them and making sandwiches for lunch that they could take with them. She greeted them and said: “I’m so happy to be making lunch for Joe again. I made him his favourite, that’ll cheer him up.”

“It will, mum.” Tom agreed.

After packing their lunches and eating their breakfast they were on their way to the station. The walk was short, but the ride to London felt like it went on forever. The closer they got, the more Tom wiggled in his seat, until he was practically vibrating with excitement.

Will smiled softly at it and continued to do so, when Tom grabbed his wrist and tugged him out of the train and over the platforms the moment they had arrived.

They were a bit early, which meant that they had a great spot on the crowded platform when the soldier-filled train came. Tom craned his neck in an attempt to spot his brother, but it was Will with his extra few inches that spotted him first. He called out: “Lieutenant Blake!”

Immediately Toms head whipped to the direction Will was looking at and he spotted his brother. Will could pinpoint the exact moment Tom saw him, because his face lit up and he yelled: “Joe” as he started running towards him.

Will followed as quickly as I could, apologizing to jostled people as he went.

Joe had spotted them as well and had dropped his bag just in time to open his arms and catch his younger brother. He hugged him tightly and exclaimed: “Tom! And Will! What a pleasant surprise. I thought, I’d see you when I got home.”

Tom let go and said: “Do you really think mum would let you arrive with no one here?”

Joe shook his head and replied: “Got a point there.”, he looked at Tom again, “You’ve grown so much, Tom. Lost all that baby fat, have ya?”

Tom rolled his eyes and huffed: “I lost that a long time ago. Besides, do I see grey hairs there? You’re getting older by the day, Joe.”

That earned him a shove and a “Sod off.”

Before the teasing could escalate, Will said: “It’s good to see you again.”

Joe stuck out his hand and smiled: “The same. Nice to meet you under better circumstances.”

Will shook the hand offered and agreed wholeheartedly with the sentiment. He finished by saying: “Hopefully you can forgive me for bringing the false news. If I had known Tom was still alive, I would’ve never left him there. I’m terribly sorry.”

Joe clapped his shoulder and said: “It’s no use to dwell on the past. We all made it, the war is over and we can go home. I fully believe you would not have acted as you did, if you had the right information. But you didn’t, neither of us did. You did no wrong, Will. And Tom made it, so it all was good in the end.”

“Tom is right here, you know.” Tom told them, making them both laugh. He huffed: “Yeah, laugh if it’s so funny, but we’re going to miss our train if we don’t hurry.”

That made them sober up as they rushed to their own train up North. When they were seated in a compartment with their sandwiches, Tom asked: “So, did anything happen between now and your last letter.”

“I got the news of being shipped home, of course, but mostly nothing.” Joe said, “A lot of people weren’t happy with how long it’s been taking to get everyone home. I mean, the peace was signed in November last year and it’s already more that halfway through January. We were there the whole winter. Rather be at home with Christmas, you know. “

And they knew. That Christmas had been weird. It would be the first with the Schofields and Blakes if Joe had been there. Tom and Will had already celebrated Christmas together once before, but this was different, more domestic, more a choice.

Trying to lighten the mood, Tom said: “But you’re home now and you’re not leaving.”

Joe smiled and then told the two of them some stories that weren’t fit for children's ears or his mothers for that matter. And where the way to London had seemed to take hours, the way back passed in what felt like minutes.

Walking through the town, Joe was stopped by a few people, who wanted to welcome him back and ask him how he was. He always replied that he was fine and on his way home to his mother, which made most people leave him be, ushering him homeward.

Mrs. Blake was standing on the front porch when they arrived and she threw herself at her son as she hugged him close. She then inspected him for injuries as she said: “I’m so glad you’re home. I missed you so, so much. Thank the Lord, you’re alright. You aren’t hurt right? Not like Tom was at least, that scared me so much.”

Joe waited patiently for the word storm to end, before he answered: “I’m glad to be home too, mum. And I’m fine, really. I don’t know how I did it, but I’m not hurt.”

That made Mrs. Blake pull him in again for a second hug, which he allowed with a roll of his eyes and a look to Tom, who commented: “You should’ve seen her when I woke up. I don’t think I could handle so many kisses.”

Joe laughed and Mrs. Blake chided: “I was allowed to be happy my son hadn’t died.”

It fell quiet after that, no matter how long had already passed, the thought of Tom not making it still dampened the mood a bit. In an attempt to lighten it Joe said: “I’ve heard we got some new family in the house!”

Everyone took it and Joe was brought inside to meet the new members of the household. Will was dreading this moment, it felt like the final judgment. Like this was the moment of truth that would decide his and his sisters fate.

Polly was waiting in the living room, allowing the family to reunite first before she introduced herself, but when she heard the door open she made her way to the hall, where a handsome fellow stood, who looked a lot like Tom, but a bit older. She stuck out her hand and said: “Polly Schofield, it’s an honor to meet you after all I heard.”

Joe took her hand and kissed it, while he said: “Hopefully all good things. Joseph Blake, but call me Joe. At your service.”

Tom elbowed Joe, but it was ignored. Then Mary and Jane came into the hall as well. They’d been playing in the backyard and it had taken them a while to catch on to what was happening, but now they came running.

Skidding to a halt, Jane introduced herself first. She confidently stuck out her hand and said: “I’m Jane, you must be Joe. That’s Mary.”

Mary waved and softly said: “Hi.”

Joe shook Janes hand, then Marys. He said: “I am Joe, it’s a pleasure to meet you both.”

Pleased Jane smiled, then demanded: “Can you tell us a good story? One about France. Uncle Will and Uncle Tom ran out.”

Polly chuffed her lightly and berated: “Jane, be polite. How many times have I told you not to demand things. You ask nicely, with a please.” the she turned to Joe and said: “I’m so sorry about that. Kids, you know, they’re excited easily and they love stories. Please, don’t take it too hard.”

Joe gave her a warm smile and assured her: “It’s quite alright. I don’t mind at all. I’d love to tell these two lovely girls a story, but I would appreciate something to drink first.”

“Of course, thank you. I put on the kettle, fancy some tea?” Polly replied, showing them to the kitchen.

Meanwhile, Will sighed with relief. Joe seemed to like Polly enough and he hadn’t been bothered by Janes forwardness. He was lucky the Blake family was so warm and friendly.

Joe then spend a few minutes on the floor petting and cuddling with an excited Myrtle, before the seven of them sat down around the table and drank in peace, while Joe told them about his journey back. It hadn’t been too bad and he was mostly sad that it had taken the government so long to get them home. He said: “There are a lot more poor buggers out there in the fields. It’s gonna be months before everyone’s home, maybe over a year with how it’s going.”

Will grimaced at the thought, while Tom commented: “At least there won’t be more shells flying ‘round.”

“That’s true, but it still isn’t fun. Wouldn’t surprise me, if there is going to be some angry men causing trouble.” Joe replied.

“No, politics and negativity.” Mrs. Blake said, “There are children here and you’ve just got home. Why don’t we enjoy that?”

“Sorry, mum.” the two brother said in sync and Will couldn’t help, but chuckle at it. Tom looked at him and grinned: “What are you laughing at, Scho.”

Will straightened himself and answered: “Nothing, just- No, it’s nothing.”

“Was something I said funny.” Tom asked teasingly as he poked Will in his side.

Will shook his head and bit his lip to avoid laughing some more at the continuing pokes. When they didn’t seize Will exclaimed: “Stop it, Tom.”

Tom stopped and raised a brow at him, so Will explained: “Just hadn’t realized how much you two are alike until I saw you next to each other.”

“We don’t look that much alike.” Joe complained, “Why does everyone always say that.”

“Well, if you don’t mind,” Polly said, “you do both have the same hair and the same eyes. And you kind of have the same face shape, although Toms is softer.”

The two brothers hummed and looked at each other, then they both burst out laughing. The giddiness of seeing one another after all that time finally settling in.

It took them quite a while to calm down, since every time they mad eye contact they would start laughing again. The others just looked at them with bemused expressions, but finally they calmed down.

By that time it was near supper and Mrs. Blake and Polly went to prepare dinner, while Jane and Mary ran off to play some more, leaving the three ex-soldiers alone at the table. Since it had been a tight fit before, Will and Tom were sitting almost pressed together, but even with the new space they didn’t move. Joe noticed, but didn’t comment.

They sat in silence for a moment, then Joe asked: “So, how’s it been here. I know some things, but I can’t imagine you told me everything.”

“We told you quite a lot.” Tom said, “Jane and Mary are enjoying school, mum is happy to have a daughter, Will works at the bookshop and I got a permanent job at the Lee farm.”

“But that’s just superficial, isn’t it.” Joe told him, “I haven’t seen you in years, you’ve grown up, there are new people living here. There must be new habits and stuff I don’t know about.”

Tom wracked his brain, before he replied: “Well, me and Will walk Myrtle every morning now. Usually ‘round five or six.”

“What are doing up so early in the morning.” Joe ribbed him.

Will winced, feeling a bit guilty he was usually the reason, while Tom explained: “Can’t really sleep in that late most of the time, both left over from the army training and the nightmares, you know. Do you have a lot of nightmares already?”

Joe frowned as he shook his head.

“I’m glad.” Tom said, “I haven’t got it that bad, but sometimes it can get to you. If you do get them, don’t mind waking one of us up to keep you company.”

“That sounds horrible.” Joe exclaimed.

“It is, but there not much to do about them.” Will shrugged, “I mostly feel bad that I wake the whole house along with me.”

“I think mum sleeps through them already and I haven’t heard the twins about it either.” Tom tried to assure him.

“I hope I will avoid them, but I will keep you to your word if it comes to pass.” Joe told them.

“Please do.” Will responded.

After that the conversation turned to a happier pace as Will told Joe about Pollys dream of owning an inn that he was saving for and the hospitably he had received from their mother. Tom in turn talked about Myrtles puppies he had seen before they were sold and the twins antics and love for stories.

Then they all ate supper and it was bedtime for the girls. When they’d been put to bed the adults drank tea by the fire place until one by one everyone retired upstairs. First it was Mrs. Blake then Polly until Joe was also ready to collapse after the day he had.

Before he left he asked: “You two sure, you’re alright?”

From the couch the two nodded and Tom said: “Yeah, we’ll try to get a bit more tired before we’re going to bed, but we’ll see you in the morning.”

Joe shot them one more look, before he left to sleep a peaceful night. He had to be up early the next day to go back to work after all.

And over the course of the next week they all fell into a new rhythm with Joe back. Tom and Will were still usually the first two up, followed by Jane and Mary, who woke up Polly to make them breakfast, then Joe, who usually was in time to join the three girls and finally Mrs. Blake, who was always in time to wave everyone off to work or school.

It was Monday night when the peace was disturbed. Will was honestly surprised it had taken that long for a big nightmare to hit, so it didn’t come out of nowhere.

The tossing is what woke Tom up. Will was pressed up against his side, so when he bumped into him multiple times it was only natural for him to wake up. He blinked blearily a few times then turned to Will and whispered: “Will, wake up, love.”

Will didn’t react, so Tom poked him and shook him softly as he whispered his name again, now a bit louder. No response came, besides a twisting of the head and a pained expression. Tom frowned, most of the time Will would be awake after that.

Beside him Will started to whimper along with more violent shudders. His head whipped from side to side and his face was contorted. He clenched his fists tightly.

Tom realized he had to wake Will and quick, so he shook his shoulder again and said his name out loud. But Will only flinched from the touch and didn’t wake. So, Tom tried again, this time he got a fist swung at him, which he barely dodged.

He was completely alert now and he saw that this was one of the really bad ones. They barely happened and had lessened over time, but when they happened they were terrifying and Will always felt horrible after. Especially that one time he had managed to punch Tom accidentally in his sleep. Tom had assured him that he knew Will couldn’t help it and it was fine, but the other man had been extra nice to him for weeks.

Acting as fast as he could, he expertly swung his leg over Will to straddle him and pinned his right arm and the wrist while holding the left shoulder down, being careful of Wills left arm.

Will was now twisting even more violently as he tried to escape the grip, making the bed creak heavily. He was also grunting and attempting to kick his feet, which Tom was holding down with his feet on Wills knees.

Tom was now also just yelling at Will to wake up, so they were making quite a ruckus.

Mentally he felt bad to wake the entire house, most of the time they never really woke anyone, but with these it was pretty unavoidable. The girls had learned to leave them alone and check up on them in the morning, but Joe had never experienced this so when he heard the noise he got out of his bed and rushed towards the room Will and Tom shared.

When he got there Will had calmed down considerably and Tom was leaned over him trying to get him to the land of the conscious.

As Joe threw open the door he was met by the sight of Tom straddling Will on the two beds pressed together and he was just in time to hear Tom say: “Will, love, you need to wake up. Please, wake up, love.”

Feeling like an intruder, Joe silently closed the door only to knock on it and say: “I’m coming in.” as he opened the door again.

Tom looked at him like a deer in headlights as he realized the compromising position he and Will were in. He didn’t leave his position though, just said: “It’s not what it looks like, okay. He’s having a nightmare. Just give us a moment, I think I almost got him.”

Joe stood on the threshold awkwardly, while Will blinked with confusion as Tom carefully released his hold on him.

Normally Tom would hug Will close once he had found his bearings, but with Joe there that wasn’t an option. So instead he put a hand on Wills shoulder and asked: “Are you there, mate?”

He hoped Will would catch the unusual nickname and realize what was going on, before he did something stupid.

Luckily Will was too out of it to do something stupid. He looked around with a frown as his brain tried to catch up to what had happened. He saw Toms concerned eyes with in the background the open door where he could make out Joe's silhouette. He asked: “It happened again, didn’t it? I’m so sorry, really.”

He let out a frustrated sigh and pinched his brow as he hunched into himself.

With a sad look on his face Tom looked at his lovers reaction. He wanted to comfort him, but with Joe there that couldn’t happen, so he turned to his brother and said: “Can you go and put on the kettle for some tea? We’ll be right behind you.”

Sensing the underlying message of ‘get out’, Joe nodded and turned on his heel as he hurried downstairs.

Now that Joe was gone, Tom gathered Will into his arms and let Will listen to his steady heartbeat as he gently stroked his hand through Wills hair and whispered: “It’s alright, love, just breathe for a second. Nothing is wrong, it happens. It’s alright. You’re okay. You’re okay.”

He heard Will mumble: “But it’s not.”

“How come, love?” Tom asked as he lessened his hold so that he could look in Wills eyes.

Will looked away and softly said: “I could’ve hurt you.”

“But you didn’t.” Will hunched farther into himself, “Will, love, look at me.” Will looked at him, “You didn’t hurt me, we’re both fine. It happens and I know you hate it, but it’s alright now. We’re gonna go downstairs and drink a cuppa with Joe and then you’re going back to bed.”

Will started to protest, so Tom shushed him: “I know how exhausted you are after these dreams and it can’t be later than three and you still have work in the morning.” then he dropped a kiss on Wills nose.

Pouting Wills shoulders sagged in defeat and he started to get up, but before they could leave the room he fearfully asked: “Oh no, what will Joe think?”

“Joe might pity you,” Tom told him honestly, “but he won’t think less of you. He was a commander, he’s seen a lot of things in France as well.”

That calmed Will considerably and he ran his hand through his hair one more time, which didn’t help the bird nest it had become during the night, then he walked down the stairs. Tom on his trail.

There Joe had already put down three steaming mugs on the table, which he was sat at. He smiled at them when they walked in and said: “Glad to see you awake, Will.”

Awkwardly Will rubbed the back of his head as he replied: “Sorry for waking you. I should’ve warned you more or at least told you, you could stay in bed when that happened. You shouldn’t have to get up in the middle of the night for this…”

He trailed off and gestured vaguely at the air to mean all that had happened tonight.

Joe gave him a comforting older-brother smile and said: “Don’t worry about it. I don’t mind, I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“Exactly.” Tom said as he pushed Will down into a chair and sat down next to him, gripping his tea.

The silence that hung over the trio while they drank was tense. Will felt already awful about the nightmare and about waking Joe, while Tom was worrying about Will and how Joe had found them and Joe was unsure where he stood right now and what was okay to ask both about the nightmare and the compromising position.

When the tea was gone and they had gone upstairs. Joe asked Will: “Are you sure you’re okay to go back to bed?”

Tom answered for him: “He is. He still needs rest if he wants to function tomorrow.”

Behind him Will smiled at Tom, before looking at Joe and nodding. He answered too: “I am, thank you, Joe.”

Then they parted ways.

The next day Joe didn’t see them at breakfast. They were already gone with Myrtle and apparently they were walking a big route that day, already having lunch prepared for themselves and barely stopping by to bring Myrtle back later.

At breakfast Joe asked: “Did you all wake up last night. ‘Round half past two?”

Polly gave him a look and asked: “You mean when Will had a nightmare?”

Joe nodded and Mrs. Blake said: “Yeah, we did. It’s terrible, the poor dear. We’re just happy Tom knows how to handle it, we would be lost. Many people around you after that doesn’t help, so we try to leave them be. Tom knows when to ask for help.”

Jane piped up: “Yeah, Uncle Tom is always there for Uncle Will.”

Mary agreed: “They love each other.”

Immediately Polly got big eyes and said: “Girls, stop that. You shouldn’t say that about your uncles. People can misunderstand that, just use care or are there for each other, okay. It’s different.”

Joe mulled that over, it seemed like Polly hadn’t notice how close her brother and his brother were, but then he saw her and his mum exchange a scared look before they looked at him. Were they afraid of what he would say? No, right?

He decided to leave it for later, and just said: “I’m glad to know that they don’t have to go through it alone. I saw a lot of men out there seek comfort in one another. People need other people to survive and they seem like good friends.”

Then he went back to eating like nothing happened and just hoped the other two adults had caught what he truly meant: I see it too and it’s okay.

But it all wasn’t mentioned again until weeks later. In that time Joe had observed many moments between Will and his brother, along with behavior from Polly and his mum that helped the two. He played along of course, but after a while he got sick of it. He knew they were all okay with it and he hated walking on eggshells in his own home.

They were sitting by the fire late at night on a Saturday. The kids had been put to bed, but Polly and Mrs. Blake had decided to stay up later as well. They were just chattering on about nothing particular when Joe said: “So, I noticed you’ve been waking up less, are the nightmares getting better?”

Immediately Mrs. Blake and Polly gave him a startled look, while Will ducked his head in embarrassment and Tom glanced at Will. Joe winced and asked: “Were we not supposed to mention it?”

Trying to get over his embarrassment, Will said: “No, no, it’s fine. It’s not like everyone here doesn’t know.”

The others let out a relieved sigh at Wills dismissal, but those breaths were sucked in again when Joe went on: “Good, I’m sorry about that. You at least have Tom here to help you.”

Tom stopped in the middle of his sip, while Will froze except for his eyes which darted helplessly from Joe to Tom.

A beat of silence passed like that before Tom coughed slightly and said: “Well, yeah, he does the same for me. We’re friends.”

Will swallowed heavily and nodded, his eyes full of relief at Toms deflection. Mrs. Blake also was relieved and with the hope of shutting Joe down completely, she got up and asked: “Anyone want something else to drink?”

“Really?” Joe exclaimed annoyed, throwing his hands up, “We’re not going to talk about it? At all?”

Trying to play dumb, Mrs. Blake said: “About what, dear?”

“The walking together, the fact that the both of you make excessive noise before entering a room they’re alone in, the knocking instead of opening the door to the bedroom they share, the help with the nightmares, the heart eyes they make at each other during dinner. Just everything!” Joe ranted as he gestured to the two on the couch, “We all notice it.”

Tom chocked on his tea and started coughing, while next to him Will seemed to shrink into himself as he got a cagey look in his eyes and Polly shot Joe a betrayed look. Mrs. Blake just looked defeated as she sighed and berated: “Joe, you know what I’ve always said: ‘Live and let live, if it’s none of your business then you shouldn’t make it yours.’ Okay?”

At that Joe did look a bit guilty. He bit his lip then as he shrugged he said: “I just don’t get why we won’t just let the cat out of the bag and allow them to at least be happy in their own home.”

“That’s not for us to decide, dear.” Mrs. Blake told him.

Meanwhile, Will and Tom were beginning to function again. Tom chocked out: “You all knew?”

Polly asked in return: “You two thought we didn’t?”

“Tom, dear, you’ve never been the most subtle chap. You left your beds pressed together after you left with Will for London, to go meet his family.” Mrs. Blake said.

Tom flushed with embarrassment and replied: “I thought, you didn’t seek much behind it.”

“Yeah, I heard you call Will love.” Joe chipped in, “Missed the subtle mark on that.”

Will tried to mentally distance himself from the conversation and just pulled his knees up to his chest, but Tom just demanded: “When!”

“When Will had that nightmare.” Joe replied, “I walked in and you were straddling him and I heard you tell him to, quote: ‘Please, wake up, love.’ I pretended I didn’t see and walked in again. You really didn’t notice that?”

“No.” Tom said.

“Oh, I thought you did and we just agreed to pretend we both didn’t.” Joe said.

“But it’s no bid deal, right.” Polly chipped in, “We know and we don’t mind.”

“Sure, but just because you don’t, doesn’t mean other people don’t still want to murder us over it if they ever found out.” Tom shot back angrily.

He and Will lived in fear every single day, terrified of what everyone would think, if they started to suspect something was up even in the slightest and here they were. They had all known and now they were pretending it wasn’t a big deal.

His comment had silenced everyone, leaving them with a disquieted look on their faces. Polly said: “Sorry, I didn’t realize how that was for you, I just meant that this can be a good thing. You can just be yourself, here, at home.”

“I suppose, but how will Jane and Mary take it? How can we make sure they keep it secret? They’re kids, they might get excited or just forget. That is a huge risk.” Tom said.

“I can talk to them?” Polly offered.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” Tom told her.

“Just think about it for a few days, dear.” Mrs. Blake said, “This wasn’t the plan for tonight and must be very sudden,” a sorry from Joe, “but it might take away some anxiety.”

“Yeah, it probably will, but it’s just a lot to process all right now. We just need to talk about it for a moment.” Tom replied, then realized that Will hadn’t said a word the entire time. He turned to the ball that was Will and frowned with concern. Gently he put his hand on Wills shoulder and asked: “Are you alright, Will?”

Will didn’t respond for a moment, then he nodded, but you could see in his eyes that he was far away. Toms eyes softened and he sighed quietly as he repeated himself even more gently.

Polly was also very concerned and she asked: “What’s wrong?”

Tom looked at her and smiled before assuring her: “He’s okay, just not here. Just give him a moment.” then he turned back and said: “Will, love, come back here, please.”

He was still hesitant to use the pet name, but he supposed it couldn’t do more harm now and it was usually effective. It didn’t disappoint this time either. Will blinked and slowly the haze left his eyes and he asked: “What?”

“Nothing, just checking if you’re alright there.” Tom answered with a smile.

Will swallowed and said: “Yes, I suppose so.”

“Good.” Tom told him then asked: “Did you hear what happened or did you miss it?”

After wracking his brain for a moment, Will answered: “I think I did.”

“Good.” Tom said again, not pushing a lot further. He knew how Will could get, he himself was scared about this as well, but at least it was his home and his mother and brother, instead of people he barely knew. Polly was there as well, of course, but she kind off owed them for letting her and her children stay, which sounded horrible in his head, but did keep him a bit calmer around her in this situation.

Mrs. Blake clapped her hands and stated: “I think that was enough excitement for one evening. Why don’t we get back to this later, once everyone got their thoughts in order. I am for one knackered and I still have to attend church tomorrow, so I’ll be going to bed now.”

Glad to have an excuse to get Will alone, Tom said: “You’re right.”

Then he stood up and pulled Will up as well. Will went along willingly as Tom steered him upstairs. Tom was aware of how this could look, but he reckoned that with all this no minds would stray along a dirty track.

Once they were in their room, Will was fully there again and he flopped on the bed with a groan. Tom laughed: “Gosh, me too.”

Peeking up Will asked: “Did that really just happen?”

“That it did.” Tom nodded.

Will groaned again, but sat up and looked at Tom. He thought for a second then said: “Could have been a lot worse.”

Tom agreed: “Yes, it could’ve.”

“You don’t sound awfully happy about that.” Will said, bit of concern at what could be wrong creeping into his voice.

“No, no, I am. Of course I’m happy about this outcome.” Tom quickly said, “It’s just weird, you know? I feel like they will look at everything differently, like every action will be analyzed and I don’t want my mum to look at me like that. And how are we going to do that with Mary and Jane? I mean, they are smart girls, but one time will be enough, but if we have to hide from just them that will be a whole other set of gymnastics. Sorry, I’m rambling.”

“No, it’s good to get it out there. Get your thoughts in order.” Will assured him, glad to have something as familiar as Toms ranting to focus on.

Tom sprawled over the bed next to him, then turned to look at Will and ask: “What do you think? About the whole thing, I mean.”

Will fell back down again and laid next to Tom sideways over the bed, feet hanging over the side as he thought about it. After a moment he carefully said: “I think, it is a good thing.”

“You do?” Tom asked.

“Surprised?” Will replied with a smile.

Tom rubbed his face and gestured into the air as he said: “I mean, kind off, with the whole reaction to it.”

Will shrugged: “Fair, I just got overwhelmed by the idea of it so suddenly, you know?” Tom nodded he understood, so Will went on: “But it also feels a bit freeing, like I don’t have to carry the burden of that lie so much. And as far as Mary and Jane go, I think we don’t actively have to hide. Maybe tone it down a bit around them, but I think if Polly sits them down as has a long talk with them that they’ll understand. They’re almost eight, they can handle it.”

“You really think that?” Tom asked.

Will nodded and Tom replied: “Then I guess it is pretty good.”

The next day they gently pulled the three adult aside one by one. Joe apologized again for just bringing it up like that and was glad they forgave him. Mrs. Blake just gave them both a hug and told Will he already was like a son to her, which almost made Will cry. Polly was also happy and she promised to be very clear and strict to the girls.

After that things mostly stayed the same. Will and Tom still took walks together, Mrs. Blake still waved everyone off each day and the twins still demanded stories. But now Tom used ‘love’ more than Will, they held cuddled up together on the couch, sometimes gave each other a peck on the cheek before leaving and Joe had been upgraded to Uncle Joe.

It was good.

Not perfect, but good. Very good.

They still had to hide for the outside world, but they had their own little bubble of acceptance where they could be themselves and be happy. And that was more than enough.

#RR writing #blakefield #tom blake #joe blake #joseph blake #mama blake #will schofield #blake x schofield #william schofield #wills sister #Wills nieces #1917 #1917 movie #trigger warning #tw: homophobia #tw: ptsd #tw: nightmares #tw: disassociation

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stateofloveandnegan · 4 years

Text

A Funeral - Richard Madden

I love angst and this honestly broke my heart while writing it. The ending really annoys me, but I couldn’t get anything better out, so I hope this’ll do.

Requested by: no one

Warning(s): angst, loss of a parent

Masterlist

“I can’t get a hold of him either.” The sound of my brother’s voice echoes through the room. The two of us are totally and utterly wrecked.

Only yesterday, we got the news of our mother’s passing. It was something everyone was waiting for; she’d been sick for so long. It still came as an immense shock. Toby, my brother, doesn’t show how hurt he is, but I know him better than anyone else, and I can see right through that mask he’s putting on.

Still, I appreciate it more than anything how strong he’s being. Because I am the exact opposite; all I can do is cry. My mother was the one who raised the two of us, our dad has never been in the picture. She’s always been there for us. Frankly, my mother was my best friend.

When she got sick, it broke my heart. I started looking after her even more than I already did as she got older. She appreciated it with her whole being and to suddenly not have her with us anymore, I can’t even explain how much that hurts.

“He hasn’t replied to any of my messages or calls… Allison tried to contact him, too. But nothing…” I say in a shaky voice. Richard, my boyfriend of two years, is away for a new project he’s working on. He would return home in a couple weeks, and we’ve been in contact as much as we could. But ever since I messaged him about my mother’s passing, the contact was suddenly cut off. I have no idea why, but he hasn’t said anything to me.

Now, with my mum’s passing, I need him with me more than anything. But nobody, not me, not my best friend, not my brother, can get a hold of him.

Toby frowns and walks up to me, wrapping his arms around me to comfort me. “I’m sure there’s a reason for this, (Y/N). He loves you.”

I let out a shaky sigh, my arms loosely around Toby’s waist and my face pressed against his chest. “I know he does, I just hope he’s alright… I need him here with me, especially at the funeral.”

“Who knows, maybe he’ll be back by then.” Toby speaks softly and presses a kiss onto my head. “I’ve got to go now. Marlene and the kids need me. Are you gonna be alright?”

I nod my head and wipe my tears. “Yeah, don’t worry.” A small smile enters my face and I try my best to make it seem real. Toby sighs out an apologetic smile before gathering his things and leaving me alone at my house.

The next few days, there’s still no sign of Richard. I’ve tried calling him at least a hundred times and I’ve sent him at least a thousand messages; nothing.

Most people would be worried to the bone, but the worry inside me is mostly covered by anger. I can’t believe him. He knew my mother wasn’t doing well, for heaven’s sake, he used to ask how she was doing almost every single day. And ever since that message, he’s gone. It’s like his existence stopped. Or if I stopped existing to him. Maybe he found another while he was away for work. Maybe he figured that if he’d just pretend I wasn’t alive, he could start a new live with her.

No, I don’t believe that. I can’t believe it. Rich and I have been talking about marriage, about kids! Surely, he would never do such a thing. He’s the sweetest guy I know, he wouldn’t hurt a fly…

The day of my mother’s funeral is around the corner and my brother and I are finally done with all the official work. The crying has become less bad, but the ache is still there, I’ve just learned how to cope with it better than I did at first.

I still haven’t heard anything from Richard, I don’t even expect him to be there tomorrow. Even though I secretly hope he will be there, of course I hope that he’ll be there… but honestly, I wouldn’t know if I’d be happy or pissed if he’d show.

“You holding up a little?” Allison asks me as she walks up to me. It’s the day of my mother’s funeral, I’m currently standing by her coffin. There are only a few people here: me, my brother and his family, my mother’s sister, and Allison. And of course, the people the arranged the funeral.

I sigh shakily and shrug, “I’m managing. I just can’t believe he’s not here.” I say, feeling my blood beginning to boil. My knuckles turning white as I fist my hands. Allison takes notice in this and takes my hands in hers, “I know that you feel like you need him here with you, (Y/N/N), but you’ve got me, you’ve got Toby; you’ve got yourself. Try not to think about him too much today, try not to let him ruin today. I know today is awful, we’re saying goodbye to a beautiful soul that is your mother. But today is also a beautiful day, so don’t let him ruin it.”

Alli gives me a soft look and she can see that I’m on the verge of breaking, but I stand strong, pulling her gently into my embrace and hugging her. “Thank you, you’re right. I don’t need him. Today sure as hell isn’t about him, it’s about mum.”

“Exactly. Now, c’mon. let’s take our seats before everyone comes in.”

We sit down beside my brother and his family, all slightly teared up.

A little while later, everyone is standing outside, gathered around the coffin that is about to go down into the ground. I hiccup, tears streaming down my face as most people leave us, the family, behind to say our last goodbye.

I feel like my heart breaks into a million more pieces as the coffin hits the ground. Shaking, I throw the rose in my hand down at the coffin before collapsing into Allison’s side. She, too, is crying, but not as hard as me. After a moment of letting it really sink in, we turn to walk back, but I stop dead in my tracks when I spot him.

There he is, standing in a black suit as if he’s been here the whole time. But something tells me he hasn’t, because his hair is extremely dishevelled. “(Y/N)…” his voice is hoarse and his eyes look extremely guilty and sad.

I shake my head, unable to believe he’s there. After a week of ignoring my existence, he’s standing there. At my mother’s funeral, he dares to show up.

But this is what I wanted, right? I wanted him here with me so badly.

Not anymore.

Right now, I can’t stand the sight of him. He left me to deal with all of this on my own.

“Go.” Is all I manage to get out, my voice extremely broken and hoarse. Toby, Susan, their kids, and Allison are awkwardly standing beside and behind me, not knowing what to do in this situation.

Richard takes a step closer to us, but is still a couple of metres away, “Please, I can explain…”

“No, Richard, don’t start.” I say, my voice breaking even more, “I don’t want you here, go!”

Allison grabs my hand, as if to tell me to back down. Richard has tears in his eyes, I can see that very clearly, but after the trick he pulled, I just really don’t want to see him. I gently, but firmly pull my hand out of Allison’s grasp and send Richard another warning look, “Go.”

Richard looks at my mother’s grave, tears rolling down his face. He and my mum were amazing together. Richard would do anything to cheer her up if she was down, or in pain, and he always managed to succeed. My mother loved him like it was her own son.

When he looks back at me, he can see my broken face, but he can also see that I’m serious. He runs a hand through his wild hair and sniffs before turning around and leaving.

I break down as soon as he’s out of sight, both Allison and Toby catching me up. Toby tells Susan to go with the kids. “I can’t believe him.” I whimper, my breathing uneven. “Calm down, (Y/N).” Toby says softly, rubbing my back. “Easy…”

The rest of the day, I’m pretty much the same. Every tiny little thing that happens, is a reason for me to break down and I just can’t anymore.

Allison decided to stay over, so we’re both in our pyjamas. I looked horrible, so Alli made me shower and now I look somewhat decent, but it’s very clear that I’ve been crying pretty much all day.

“I’m gonna make some tea, can I get you something to snack?” Alli asks sweetly and I shake my head, “Tea is enough, thanks.”

The tv is playing quietly, a rather funny movie playing. I’m glad it’s on, because it’s keeping my mind occupied for the time being and for the first time today, I don’t feel like crying.

The bell ringing snaps me out of my daze, but Allison is quick to tell me she’ll get it. I don’t focus entirely back on the tv, curious as to who is at the door. When I don’t hear anything, I turn to look at the hall and when I see Richard standing there, my blood immediately begins to boil.

“What do you think you’re doing here?” I ask through gritted teeth, my voice beginning to shake again. Allison quickly moves before him, “He’s here to pick up some stuff, (Y/N/N). I told him that he could stay at my place, since I’m here with you.”

Richard’s face looks exactly the same as it did before; he’s hurt and he feels guilty. “Go get it and leave.” I say and turn away from him, my heart breaking. “I don’t want to see you.”

“(Y/N), please… I swear I wasn’t ignoring you, my phone-” he starts, but I cut him off, “I don’t want to hear it.”

Richard forms another word, wanting to continue, but he decides against it, not wanting to start a fight. He lets out a choked sob before running up the stairs to grab the stuff he needs. I let out a deep, shaky sigh.

“Maybe you should give him a chance to explain, (Y/N/N).” Allison tries quietly, walking over to me. I shake my head, “He had a week, Alli. I can’t stand looking at him, right now. Let alone listen to him explain why he’d abandoned me for a week and left me to deal with my mum’s death alone.”

Allison sighs, knowing it’s a lost battle. She drops it, and when Richard comes downstairs, seemingly crying from what I can hear, she lets him out before going back to the kitchen to make tea.

As the days go by, I try to get my life back on track. Which is really fucking hard with Richard trying to contact me every damn hour of the day. The first time he called, I answered the phone, because I had no clue it was him, it was an unknown number; he seems to have a new phone.

After hearing it was him, I hung up and declined every other incoming call from that number. When he realised I wouldn’t pick up, he started sending me messages. But, his messages, too, have I been ignoring.

I just bought a fresh bouquet of all sorts of beautiful flowers, and I’m now on my way to my mum’s grave so I can replace the old flowers with the new ones.

It’s rather chilly as I’m making my way towards the grave, nodding at some people I pass as a greeting.

I can’t help the tear that escapes my eyes as I’m working on the flowers, gently removing the old ones before placing the new ones. I’m kneeled before the grave, my voice a whisper. “Hey mum,” I start quietly, “It’s only been a week or two and I can’t tell you how much I miss you. It’s so empty without you. Well, there’s another reason for the emptiness, but if I could only have you back, that would make up for all of it.” Another tear silently streams down my cheek.

“(Y/N)?” a very quiet and hoarse voice speaks up behind me. I look up and when I’m met with Richard’s eyes, I let out a deep, shaky sigh as I quickly look back to the flowers on the grave. “What are you doing here?”

Richard swallows as he, very slowly, makes his way closer to me, “I wanted to bring your mum some flowers.”

I look back at him and notice a very nice and beautiful bouquet of flowers in his hands. I stand up and back away a little, giving Richard space to put them down. He does so, very delicately, saying a couple words before standing up and facing me.

“I feel awful, (Y/N). I feel so fucking awful…”

I swallow thickly, a big lump in my throat. I want to speak, but for a moment it seems like I can’t, and Richard continues. “I know you don’t want to hear any of it, but please give me a chance to explain.”

A moment passes before I regain myself and look him in the eyes, “Okay. But not here.”

Something in Richard’s eyes lights up, and he nods. “Shall we go for a walk?”

Not much later, Richard and I are walking through the park. “Okay,” he starts, his voice a mixture of things. “Last week, I lost my phone, I searched everywhere for it, but I couldn’t find it anywhere. It’s probably been stolen…”

I roll my eyes at his words and shake my head a little, “Let me continue, please.” Richard pleads, noticing my actions. “I used someone’s phone to block all accounts on my phone, in case someone would try and do stuff under my name. Thing is, I couldn’t remember your phone number… I couldn’t contact you. You don’t have any social media either, so I was a little lost…”

Richard lets out a breathy, insecure and unamused chuckle. “I managed to remember your email, so I immediately sent one from my laptop, but you must not have gotten them…”

We come to a halt at a little lake, Richard looking at me and searching for my eyes, “I tried, (Y/N), I swear. I tried to contact you, I tried everything, but I couldn’t do any more than what I did. I could only hope you’d get my mails, so you’d know that I’d come home on Saturday.”

It takes some effort, but I turn my face a little and my eyes finally meet his, “When I got home, I saw all the papers on the table and I immediately knew something was wrong. When I read whose funeral you’d be attending, my world fell apart. I felt awful for not being here when you needed me, (Y/N). Please believe that.”

As if on cue, tears form in both our eyes and Richard is quick to blink them away. “I got dressed in no time and got to the graveyard as quick as I could, but it was too late… I hate myself for what happened. I cannot believe I wasn’t here when all of this happened. I wish I was here when she passed, so I could catch your fall, so I could try to numb your pain a little… So I could hold the love of my life while she needed me most.”

“That’s exactly what I needed.” I speak, my voice breaking. “I needed you, Rich. I needed your comfort.”

Richard finally allows the tears to show and as he speaks, his voice breaks. “I know you did. I’ll never forgive myself for what happened. But please, don’t shut me out any longer. I need you just as much as you needed me. Tell me you still need me, (Y/N). Please.”

Never have I seen Richard like this; begging me to not end things with him. Hell, never have I seen anyone do this. Beg for me to forgive him, that’s what he’s doing. I swallow the big lump in my throat, silent tears unconsciously making their way down my face. “Is it really true? You never ignored me or anyone else on purpose?”

Richard furiously shakes his head, tears dropping to the ground, “I would never do that, I promise!” Richard sobs out, “I love you more than anything, (Y/N). I would do anything for you, you know that. This was out of my hands, I couldn’t do anything about it, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel horrible about it. I feel like it’s all my fault.”

“No,” I shake my head, taking a step closer to him, “It’s not. It’s not your fault.”

Hope enters Richard’s eyes and I take another step closer to him, my hands reaching for his, “I’m sorry for not letting you explain sooner, I just couldn’t do it. I need you, Rich. I’ll always need you.”

Another choked sob leaves Richard’s mouth as he throws his arms around me and hugs me tighter than ever; as if I’d vanish if he’d let go of me. “I’m so… so sorry.”

I wrap my arms around his firm torso, my face pressed against him. I’m overwhelmed by the comfort of his body, by the comfort of Richard himself. His scent is all I can smell and it’s honestly the best thing that’s happened in a while. “It’s alright. I’m sorry, too.”

Richard leans back and uses his thumb to wipe the tears from my face. My eyes are still watery, but the tears have stopped rolling down my cheeks. Richard, too, has stopped crying and a very tiny smile enters his face, so does mine. “Let’s go home. We can order some take out and snuggle up on the couch, I wanna hold you.”

I let out a soft chuckle, nodding at his proposal. “Come on, then.”

#Richard madden #Richard Madden x reader #Richard Madden fanfic #Richard Madden fanfiction #Richard Madden fan fiction #Richard Madden one shot #Richard Madden imagine #Richard Madden drabble #fanfic #fanfiction #fan fiction #imagine #reader insert #one shot #drabble #angst #sadness

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floutua · 5 years

Text

where are you now

This was requested by an anon who wanted a FIve soulmate AU and I might make a part two to this because Five doesn’t actually appear in the beginning and I’m quite sorry about that! Thank you for sending in this request!

p/s: I was supposed to post this on Saturday but I forgot so now I’m quickly doing this from my phone! Regular posting starts next week! Thank you!

“Ouch.” Your friend, Vanya, winces when you step into the auditorium and you nod your head, pulling your sweater tighter around you, shivering slightly despite the rather warm air in the auditorium. She wraps an arm around you, pulling you close to her as the two of you head towards the stage. “On a scale of one to ten, how cold are you today?”

You furrow your eyebrows at her question, holding on to your violin case tightly. “About an 8.” You tell her flatly and Vanya shakes her head. The pity looks you have been getting while on your way to college almost made you want to turn around and go back home but as much as you would love to do just that, you absolutely could not. Today is the last day of rehearsals and you really cannot afford to miss this lest you want to mess up your performance tomorrow.

“That’s really bad.” Vanya agrees; she knew how that felt. She had been in the exact situation before she had stumbled upon Leonard, literally (however this is a different story altogether) and Vanya was always seen wearing very, very thick clothes due to how cold she felt all the time. “I hope you can meet your soulmate soon.” Vanya whispers as she releases you from her hold and you smile at her, reaching over to squeeze her hand appreciatively. Vanya smiles back at you and you drop her hand, moving over to where your seat is.

You often wonder where and when you will be able to meet your soulmate. It was not always a guaranteed happy ending (take your mum for example; ever since your dad passed away, she is always feeling a tad bit too warm or a tad bit too cold – there was no in between for her) but despite that, you still want to find out who your soulmate is: mostly because you want to give him or her an earful for always leaving you feeling extremely cold!

There was an instance where you had felt that warmth from being in the same vicinity as you but unfortunately, that day had been one of the very first times you had performed with the team and there was a huge audience. So, you really could not tell where he or she had been at that time. A smile appears on your face as you recall back your first day; that had been where you met Vanya Hargreeves – your best friend forever.

Vanya had been a quiet teen back then but because the two of you played the violin, the both of you always end up staying back together to do more practice and that soon turned in to eating lunch together and occasionally dinner at Griddy’s or at your house. You rarely ever get the chance to go to her house – on the account that Vanya thinks her siblings will scare you away, which you laugh off because Vanya is the sweetest person you have ever met and sure, she has her issues – because honestly you would too if your older sister is a well-known rising actress – but so do you.

Once rehearsal is done, you begin to pack up your violin, feeling less nervous after the satisfying runs the entire team did. Vanya taps you on the shoulder and you smile at her. “I know I promised that we would go out for dinner tonight, but my brother just came back, and can we take a rain check?” She asks you apologetically, bringing her two hands together.

The smile falters from your face and you nod your head, turning to face her. “Which brother?” You ask her; you know Vanya has a few brothers, an older sister and a fraternal twin. “And of course, Vanya; I don’t mind. Family is much more important.” You assure her and Vanya shakes her head, reaching over to hold your hand.

“You are family too, Y/N.” Vanya emphasizes, and you smile at her words. “Five!” She tells you and you nod your head; out of all of her siblings, the only ones you have yet to meet were Luther (because he is an astronaut and is working with NASA) and Five (who never seems to be in the country whenever you happen to be free). “My entire family will be here tomorrow, maybe you can meet them tomorrow.”

You nod your head. “I wouldn’t hold you onto that.” You point out and Vanya chuckles under her breath. “By entire family… you mean?”

“Allison’s here with her family – Patrick and Claire – and Luther is on leave! Five had gone with Mum to visit our grandfather, Pogo in Manchester.” Vanya explains and you nod your head. You have always admired Vanya’s love for her family; whenever she talks about them, you cannot help but feel happy too. You were an only child and only had your mum, so you never really had the privilege of knowing what it feels like to be in a big family. Vanya’s phone beeps a few times and she pick up her phone, looking through the messages. “Oh, Leonard’s here. Do you want Leonard and I to drop you off?”

You nod your head and Vanya smiles at you before she went back to her seat to pick up her violin case. She walks back over to you and you hook your arm around hers and the two of you walk out of the auditorium.

Your cheeks are starting to hurt from the amount of smiling you have been doing the entire time. Your first solo performance had ended, and you were grateful everything had gone smoothly, even the team performance as well. Even if you had placed second (Vanya placed first for the solo performance), you were really happy. Today was different; you had woken up that morning feeling slightly warmer than you had the day before and as the day progresses, you were starting to feel toasty and you had been nervous with anticipation and dread. Pulling back from the hug, you smile at Vanya. “I am so happy for you, V. You deserved that first place!”

Vanya chuckles under her breath, thanking you profusely; she hadn’t exactly expected to win because your performance had been impeccable as always. “Come, meet my family!” Without even waiting for your reply, Vanya pulls your hand and drags you out of the room and in to the hallway where there is a group of people chatting among themselves. The chattering stop the moment Vanya approaches them with you in tow and suddenly, you start to sweat, feeling the temperature rise like crazy and your eyes immediately seek out the two members of Vanya’s family that you have to meet: Luther and Five and your mouth suddenly feels dry. “Everyone, this is my best friend, Y/N and Y/N, you have heard about most of them! This is Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus, Five and Ben.” Vanya introduces and you give them a small smile, before excusing yourself and dragging Vanya with you.

“V, he’s here!” You tell her, eyes wide as you try to ignore the confused looks burning at the back of your head. Now that you are a bit further away, you don’t feel as hot and Vanya takes out her handkerchief, handing it to you upon seeing the sweat on your forehead. “Literally – it’s either Luther or Five!” You hiss at her, starting to panic and Vanya’s eyes widen when she finally registers what you have just said. She looks at her brothers and look at you.

“You did say you’ve been feeling hot too.” Vanya reaches for your hand and she frowns when she realizes just how hot you were. It must have been hard on you to be near her family. “I think you should probably get some rest; you’re looking a tad bit too pale.” Vanya informs you but before you could even say anything, your vision starts to blur, and you are feeling very light-headed and the next thing you know is Vanya screaming your name as you fall.

You wake up to the sound of someone scribbling something and you wince as you try to move your body, slowly opening your eyes. You glance around and realize that you are not in the hospital – like you initially thought – but that you were in someone’s room. “Where am I?” You murmur and turn to look at the person who had been scribbling earlier. To your immense surprise, it is none other than Vanya’s brother, Five.

Five abruptly stops writing and looks at you – his stare so intense you almost forgot about the fact that he might possibly be your soulmate. “I have had people throwing themselves at me but never falling at my feet.” He tells you with a straight face and you furrow your eyebrows but just as you are about to open your mouth to refute, Five speaks once more. “You must be my soulmate.”

Your heart begins to race, and your eyes widen as you take in what he had just said. You blink a couple of times when you realize that despite being this close to your soulmate, your body temperature feels like it is at an impasse and you open your mouth only to close it because… what do you say to your soulmate? So, you just nod your head dumbly. “Yeah, I suppose I am.”

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pennylanefics · 5 years

Text

Choose - Dennis Severs

a/n: another oneee :)) can you tell i’m madly in love with dennis at the moment?? 😂 oh well

warnings: mention of abuse (small scene, barely any description of actual attack)

•••

Dennis hadn’t answered his phone since he left work. Which was two hours ago. He had called you right before he took a shower, and said he would be home soon. And here you are, still sitting alone in your living room, waiting for your boyfriend to get home.

In the beginning, you guessed that either his phone died, he is stuck in traffic, or he was asked to stay after they got a call. Those thoughts slowly slipped from your mind when the time turned into four hours. Then six.

It was now midnight, and Dennis has yet to appear, or even answer his phone, not even a text message from him. Your worry and fear increased, so much so, you decided to call Kev and make sure he wasn’t asked to stay for overtime; the answer was no, of course.

Kev’s answer only made you fear the worst; that Dennis had gotten in an accident and was either seriously injured, or dead. But, you haven't gotten any calls from any hospital, so that soothed your worry just a little. Deciding that he most likely wasn’t going to be home that night, you went to sleep.

—

A hand on your cheek woke you up the next morning. Groaning, you open your eyes and find Dennis kneeling next to your bed. The events from last night are quickly refreshed in your mind, so you turn away from your boyfriend, not feeling up to speaking with him just yet.

“Love? What’s wrong?” His voice is filled with concern, much like you were last night. With another groan, you close your eyes and try to fall back asleep. But, Dennis isn’t having any of that, and walks around to the other side to face you again.

“Darlin’, are you alright?” He asks again. You are slowly starting to become fed up with him.

“I don’t know, Dennis. How would you feel if I didn’t come home to my boyfriend after work, not even leaving him a simple text as to where I would be?” You were now staring intently at Dennis, waiting for him to answer. His mouth opens and closes as he tries to find the right words to stay.

“(Y/N), baby. I’m sorry. I stopped by my mum’s flat for a minute and Gog showed up and-” With the familiar name slipping past Dennis’ lips, you were up and out of bed, eyebrows raised in question and surprise.

Both you and Dennis’ mom told him to stop hanging around Gog. Ever since the fire that they were involved in, specifically one that Gog made Dennis get involved in, you knew the man was trouble; to be fair, he always has been, but it’s never gone as far as starting a fire while they were home, killing their baby, and severely injuring a fireman.

“You went out with him?” Dennis’ silent response told you everything. He hung out with Gog, after telling you he’d be home soon after work, and not even thinking about sending you a simple text.

“Dennis, I fucking told you, even your mum told you, to stop hanging around him. He’s nothing but trouble. Have you learned nothing since the fire?” You could feel your blood beginning to boil as Dennis held an innocent expression on his face, almost as if he thinks he did nothing wrong.

“He’s been my mate since we were kids, it’s not like I’m goin’ to just drop him. Besides, it was just one night.” He stands to face you better, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall.

“One time is enough. You should’ve stopped going out with him since you started that fucking fire!” You were now fuming, pissed that Dennis couldn’t see what he did wrong. Sure, you understand not being able to just completely drop a friend after such a long friendship, but this is a different situation. Because of Gog, Dennis is now considered an accomplice, and a criminal. Despite not having known what Gog was going to do, he was still there, he didn’t help take the baby or help Kev.

“I’ve fucking told you it was Gog who started it! I panicked and didn’t know what to fuckin’ do! Out of all the people, you should know that! Now, you’re sittin’ here accusing me of something I didn’t do!”

“Still! You were there, you had the option to help save the baby and Kev! Your fucking boss, Dennis! Do you not realize how fucked up that is?! Do you not realize how fucked up Gog is?! He almost killed your boss, your friend, your mentor!”

“You don’t think I know Gog isn’t fucked in the head?! Of course I fuckin’ do! Just because of what he’s done doesn’t mean he’s the worst fuckin’ person in the world! Yeah, we went out, had a really fun night around the city, and I fell asleep at his! I’m not a bad guy because of that, and neither is Gog! We are both regular people who like to let off a bit of steam every so often!” Dennis’ face was turning red by now, and you could practically see the steam coming out of his ears.

Your screaming match went on for about twenty minutes, both of you going back and forth about the same points, the fight pretty much useless. So, after Dennis spits something at you, you pause, take a deep breath, and stand up from the bed. Silently, you walk to the closet and grab a small duffle bag, beginning to fill it with a few clothes and essentials. Dennis watches you with fear and sadness swirling in his eyes. He knows what’s happening, he just doesn’t want to come to terms with it.

“Wha-what are you doin’, (Y/N)?” He stutters out, a couple tears escaping his eyes. In response, you just give him a cold stare, continuing on with your action.

Once you finished packing everything you would need for a week or so away, you finally turn to him.

“I can’t stay here and put up with you hanging out with Gog. That man is mental and you don’t need to be around him. So, if you don’t want to stop hanging out with him, I need to stop seeing you. I’m sorry to do this, but you’re such an awful person when you’re around him, do you know that?” You can see your words slowly breaking him, finally hitting home with your last comment. It’s true, though; Dennis becomes such an asshole while with Gog, you’ve witnessed it first hand many, many times.

“I’m going to stay with my parents for a few days. Don’t try coming and seeing me, or messaging me, I really just need some time away.” And with that, you walk past him and out of your shared flat.

—

Dennis kept to your word and hasn’t messaged or called you since you left your flat. It has been a rough few days, but you’ve managed. Not having Dennis by your side at night was the hardest; you missed his cuddles, his kisses, his soft voice telling you about his day or a funny story that happened at the station.

It has now been a week since you’ve been at your parents’, and you had spent the day trying to figure out if you wanted to talk with Dennis yet or not. Your mind kept whirring with ways to start a conversation with him, if you should just straight up ask if he’s agreed to stop hanging out with Gog, or if he was going to say no and dump you for making you choose.

A knock sounded through the living room, where you sat reading a book, having the house to yourself for the next couple of days. You quickly skip to the door and open it, the breath leaving your body when you see who is standing on the other side.

Gog.

“Can I help you?” You ask, trying to keep your composure. Gog just smirks and shakes his head.

“‘Do you not realize how fucked up Gog is?’” He mocks your exact words you spoke to Dennis a week ago. Your chest tightens and your heart begins to race like crazy.

“Wha-”

“Dennis told me everything. How you are makin’ him choose between me or you. Me, his best mate since childhood, or you, a controlling slut he’s only known for a little over a year. Do you not realize how fucked up that is?” He tilts his head with his words, inching closer to you, causing you to step back; this action also lets Gog invite himself into your home, which terrifies you.

“I just, I-”

“Aw, got nothin’ to say, love? Well that’s a shame.” You don’t even register what happened next, all you remember was a pain going through the side of your face, falling to the ground, and pretty much blacking out within a minute.

—

Dennis’ POV:

(Y/N)’s been gone for a week, and to say I miss her like crazy is an understatement. I haven’t been sleeping well, I’ve resorted to asking Kev if I could work night shifts over day shifts so I can sleep at the station, and not alone at home. Everything reminds me of her, and I can’t believe I was so stupid to think a friend who is so much trouble is more important than her. I don’t even know why I picked a fight with her, she was, and still is right.

The day after our fight, I immediately went to Gog’s and told him everything, that I’m dropping him as a friend because of how crazy and messed up he is, admitting that (Y/N) is making me choose, and she’s worth everything. He was upset, obviously, especially after the bender we had the other night. But, I love (Y/N) so much, and I don’t want to lose her over this.

Also in the span of this week, I came clean to Kev about everything. The fire, Gog and I being there, how I wish I could’ve done something, but I couldn’t. He was obviously upset, but he gave me a second chance after a few days. He knows I’m a good man and just got caught in a bad situation.

Today, I decided to finally try and give (Y/N) a call, even though she told me not to contact her. I wanted to tell her I made a decision and that I want to be with her. So, I call her after work, but she doesn’t pick up. I then try and text her, but again, I get nothing.

Choosing against my better judgement, I take a trip to her parents’ house, which isn’t too far of a walk from the station. When I arrive, I take a deep breath and walk up the steps to the house, knocking quietly.

The sight that I come face to face with shatters my heart.

Your POV:

The following day was tough. Your parents were still out of the city, leaving you alone to deal with your injuries.

As you settle in bed for the day, not planning on going anywhere or seeing anyone, the doorbell rings, for the second time in two days. Although this time, you are hesitant to open it, considering what happened yesterday.

Cautiously, you make your way to the door, trying to be as quiet as a mouse, and look through the peephole. Thankfully, it’s Dennis on the other side, and not who you were thinking it was. So, you open it, watching his face fall and tears spring to his eyes.

“What the hell?! (Y/N), what happened?” He asks, stepping inside, scaring you a little, making you step back and away from him. A hurt look flashes across his face, and even without any words, he knows what happened.

“It was him, wasn’t it?” He asks sadly. Your head nods shamefully, eyes cast down at your socks. He carefully steps closer to you, being aware that you may still be shaken up. When he sees that you aren’t going to push him away, he reaches up and tilts your chin with his finger.

His eyes bore into yours, then roam all over your face to take in your injuries.

“Can I…?” He wonders, nodding towards the right side of your face. You nod again and close your eyes, letting him see the damage to your entire eye. Even though you can’t see him, you hear him huff out in distress. You feel his right hand set on your left cheek, holding your face in place. His breath hits your lips, and it takes everything in you not to press them against his.

What you don’t expect to feel was his lips peppering the lightest kisses all over the bruises and cuts. He was so gentle and made sure he wasn’t hurting you or making you uncomfortable. Starting at your jaw, he continues up to your cheek, your eye, and finally your forehead. He places one last kiss to your temple before pulling away.

“Love, look at me,” he commands softly. Your eyes open and come to find Dennis’ cheeks covered in tears, eyes red and puffy, much different than how he looked only minutes ago.

“I am so so sorry. For everything. Going out with Gog when you and mum told me not to, for picking a fight with you when I should have owned up to it, letting you walk away from the fight when I shouldn’t have started it in the first place. I’m not gonna hang out with Gog anymore. You are worth so much more than him, and I’ve really changed for the better being with you.

“I never realized how much of a dickhead I am when I’m with him. It just feels natural because he’s such a dickhead. I promise, from here on out, I will never fuckin’ see him again, especially not after w-what he’s done to you. I’m so fuckin’ sorry I wasn’t there to p-protect you from him and letting him do this to you.” More tears begin to stream down Dennis’ cheeks as he breaks down, breathing heavily as falls to his knees.

Still, Dennis holds onto you, arms around your waist, face pressed to your stomach. He clung onto you for dear life, sobbing loudly, apologies often slipping past his lips.

One of your hands rests on his shoulder, the other running over his short hair, holding him close to you.

“Shh, it’s okay, Den,” a louder sob rings out at the sound of his nickname, which you hadn’t used in over a week. “I accept your apology, Dennis. I’m sorry for-”

“No! Don’t even begin to apologize for anything,” Dennis suddenly stands up, grabbing the uninjured side of your face and caressing the bruised and beaten on. “You are not apologizing, alright? You did nothing wrong. You were trying to help me and set me straight, and I can’t thank you enough, sweetheart.” You nod against his touch and lean forward, Dennis taking the hint and pressing his lips to yours in a needy way. He sighs happily upon feeling your lips on his again. The kiss turns loving after a few moments, your tears mixing in the middle.

“I love you,” Dennis whispers after he pulls away, his breath hitting your face.

“I love you too, Den. Always will, yeah?” He quickly kisses you once more before bringing you in for a tight hug.

“Come back with me,” he begs into your neck. When he doesn’t hear your answer, he stands back, hands still on your waist.

“Wha’ is it?”

“I…um, don’t exactly feel safe. Gog knows where we live and-”

“I’ll find a hotel we can stay at, or somewhere Gog won’t find us, okay? Pease, love. I need you with me again. I’m goin’ mental without you and I just need you in my arms again, knowing you’re safe and sound.” The look in his eyes says it all, Dennis is terrified. Terrified that you’re going to leave him.

“Okay. But only because I’m going crazy as well. Haven’t had a good night's sleep in a while. I’ve actually been sleeping in one of your shirts because I miss you so much.” Dennis laughs and pulls you in for another hug.

“I think I have a place where we can go,” he mentions, dragging you to your room to help you pack.

After leaving a note for your parents, you follow Dennis back to the station, and up to his boss’s office, knocking before walking in.

“Hey Asbo, what can I do for you?” Kev asks, just noticing Dennis before his eyes land on you, widening in shock.

“Uh, would it be okay if we take up your offer? I know in the beginning, you just meant me, but,” Dennis pauses, grabbing your hand for comfort, “(Y/N) doesn’t feel safe either.”

“May I ask what happened?” You glance up at Dennis, nodding to let him know it was okay to talk about.

“Gog attacked her in her parents’ house after I told him I wasn’t goin’ to hang out with him anymore,” Dennis explains shortly.

“Shit. Well (Y/N), you are more than welcome to stay with me, okay? I want you and Dennis to both feel safe and not fear for Gog. I promise if he even finds out where you two are, I will take care of him, yeah?” Kev smiles, standing to pull you in for a hug.

“Thank you, Kev. It means a lot. We won’t be long, until we can find another place away from here,” you quietly thank him.

“No, stay for however long you need. The extra room was mainly just storing stuff, it’s no problem to have you guys living there. I’ll enjoy the company.” Dennis smiles at you and reaches for your other hand.

“Whaddya say?” He shrugs. A smile appears on your face as you nod, looking between both men.

“Great! Well, why don’t you two go collect your things and move in, I’ll be home around five-thirty,” Kev says, handing Dennis the key to his home.

“Thanks so much, Gov. I really owe you one.”

“No you don’t. It’s alright.” With that, Kev leaves you and Dennis alone to talk with the others.

“You sure you’re okay with this?” Dennis wonders.

“Yeah. Kev is a really nice guy. I just really hope Gog doesn’t find out where he lives.” Sensing your sudden fear, Dennis steps forward and kisses you, immediately soothing your worries.

“Everything will be alright. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

•••

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