#anyway i spent like... 7 total hours writing this over the course of this afternoon and evening

[youremyonlyhope]

In Defense of Tolya/Inej

(A long rambling essay exploring asexuality, "shipping wars," and the effect that constant cancellations has had on fandom. 4600 words. I'm not even sorry that it's long. There's a tldr at the end.)

Let's start this off by saying I am asexual. Or demisexual... greysexual... aceflux... the point is I am on the asexual spectrum. I don't know where precisely. I don't personally think it really matters for me to specifically define it. I am somewhere over there. I also consider myself to be somewhere on the aromantic spectrum (for that one I'm 90% sure I lean toward greyromantic).

All of this is to say: asexuality and aromanticism are both spectrums. They are umbrella terms. There are subgroups within them to help describe the range of the spectrum, but if people want to just use asexual or aromantic to describe themselves then they can. Where I fall is different from where someone else falls, and that's different from where another person falls, and that's probably different from the person reading this if you are ace and/or aro too. And it's different for Tolya. There isn't one aroace experience and there isn't one type of aroace representation.

A little more about me. I am also mixed race. More specifically Black and white like Jesper, but mixed people of all races know the shared experiences of feeling like we're between two worlds. It's not as obvious in the show (I can't remember if it's even mentioned but I can see that some fans don't seem to know), but in in the books Tamar and Tolya are half-Shu and half-Ravkan. Also, I am a twin. I am a girl with a boy twin. My twin brother is a foot taller than me. So, Tamar and Tolya's existence in the Grishaverse speak to MY SOUL. Tamar, Tolya, and Jesper make me feel like so many parts of myself are represented on these pages.

Moving on from my background. Just another reminder that ace is a spectrum. Aro is a spectrum. Life. Is. A. Spectrum.

Onto the actual topic: Tolya. In the books, Tolya doesn't have any love interests. He also notably says "I have my faith, my books. I've never wanted more," in Rule of Wolves. This leads many fans to headcanon him as ace, aro, or aroace. I headcanon him as aroace too. I loved that one almost throwaway line and it made me feel even more connected to Tolya. I recently reread the Shadow and Bone trilogy and it renewed my love for Tolya. The perfect casting of Lewis Tan also reignited my excitement for seeing this character that I adore appear onscreen.

It seems, from the scene of Tolya helping Inej onto the boat, that the show will explore the possibility of Tolya and Inej being together. THIS IS OK. This is ok specifically because THE STORY IS NOT OVER.

I find that when I am worried about something, going over worst case scenarios and best case scenarios can help me calm down. Let's list a few possibilities of where this will lead:

Tolya and Inej fall in love. Inej forgets Kaz exists. Tolya's possible aroace-ness is never acknowledged. They spend all their time kissing and having sex, never again hunting slavers or reciting poetry ever. If Inej and Kaz meet again, she'll break his heart because they'll never get together. Kaz dies alone. Tolya and Inej then have 20 kids.

Tolya develops (or has already developed) a crush on Inej. It's understandable, she helped save his life and they fought well together against Ohval. Tolya is a very outwardly affectionate person: he's open about his feelings (hence the constant poetry recitation), he loves to care for the people around him (sharing food with multiple characters, helping Jesper with Wylan), he values his blade (his hallucination nightmare is Tamar dying on his blade, he doesn't notice people ducking out of the way of his handle), and he is incredibly spiritual (praying in Shu-Han, but many more examples in the books, the show has barely touched the surface of his spirituality). He is nearly the polar opposite of Kaz, and Inej has said that Kaz cannot give her what she wants, so that probably draws Inej towards Tolya. They get closer after spending time at sea, and they start a relationship. They stay together through the end of the show. Kaz either stays alone or finds someone else. Tolya's aroace-ness is never acknowledged.

Everything from #2, except they don't stay together through the end of the show. Inej realizes that despite Tolya being able to give her what she thinks Kaz can't, she still wants Kaz. And Kaz, now having been away from Inej for a period of time and possibly working through some of his touch aversion and other anxieties, wants to try to meet Inej somewhere in the middle after knowing with it's like to almost lose her to someone else. She accepts Kaz, leaves Tolya, and Tolya is fine with it (because I can't imagine Tolya ever holding a grudge for that). Tolya's aroace-ness isn't never acknowledged, but is probably somewhat implied (something along the lines of telling Inej the "faith and books" line to reassure her).

Everything from #2, but this time Tolya is the one who realizes that this might not be what he wants. Maybe he realizes that he has romantic feelings for Inej but not sexual. Maybe he realizes that he has sexual feelings for Inej but not romantic. Maybe he realizes his feelings for Inej are purely platonic and the intensity comes from his gratitude for saving him. Or maybe the intensity comes from them connecting through their spirituality. This could either lead to Inej feeling sad and rejected and turning to Kaz for some comfort, OR she just agrees that the feelings aren't the same as what she had for Kaz. Kaz has now worked through some of his trauma. So they end the relationship, Toya is happy with his faith and books, and Inej reconnects with Kaz romantically.

The look that Tolya gave Inej wasn't from some sort of romantic interest, but instead intrigue at the chance of getting to know her better. They become best friends with their bond starting from their mutual love for blades and their spirituality. They become the blade fighting duo we never knew we needed. The show never mentions his sexuality, he just stays single.

Same as #5, but they also Tolya say the "faith and books" line and confirm he's aroace.

The show sees the negative response from some fans and does a complete 180, never addressing the possibility Tolya and Inej again. I do not want this to happen. Not because I like Tolnej, but because I hate that fan response and pandering has become a thing in the current age of social media and letting fans influence media. It completely ruined the Rise of Skywalker. I fully believe it's influenced RTD's Doctor Who (I can go more in depth on that another time). Looking at these examples, I would rather the Shadow and Bone writers continue with whatever storyline they already have planned rather than shift to appease some of the fans, even if that planned storyline isn't something I will like. People need to remember that the fans who care enough to speak on social media, both positively and negatively, only make up a small percentage compared to the entire viewership. So I definitely do not want them to take fan response into account when planning the show. Leigh is an executive producer, so I trust she wouldn't let them explore something with her characters and her world that she wouldn't mind seeing herself.

Kaz, in my headcanon, also falls somewhere on the asexual spectrum. Whether it's because of his touch aversion or if that's just a part of it, I do think he's somewhat asexual. While most of us are ace just because we're ace, there are some people who are ace due to past trauma and I've imagined Kaz falls in that category. To me, subtly in the books but definitely in the show, Inej desires a sexual relationship and she's well aware that Kaz doesn't want that. Her hallucination, which I see so many Kanej fans gif'ing and fangiring over, would never happen at this point in Kaz's life. Inej realizes it in the moment, and that's how she knows it isn't real. Tolya is literally using his Heartrender abilities to try to slow down the effects of the poison before succumbing to the horror of his hallucination, but it's Inej who snaps out of her hallucination first BECAUSE she knows what she's seeing is not possible. It's different from Jesper, who knows his hallucination isn't real since his mom is gone and yet still wants to stay in it, because Inej knows this could theoretically happen, but also knows that Kaz would never let it happen. She doesn't even let herself enjoy the hallucination the way Jesper did because it's something she doesn't think she can ever have with Kaz. There is a very real possibility that the show could ultimately decide (after some combination of the earlier scenarios in my list) that Tolnej doesn't work/doesn't happen AND then that Inej and Kaz will never have any sort of relationship either. They could all end up single or with other characters. Even at the end of Crooked Kingdom, the Kanej relationship is still somewhat ambiguous. They hold hands, she says she's not ready to give up on him, and he helped find her family, but they aren't explicitly in love. I wouldn't be surprised if the show goes the book route and leaves Kanej ambiguous yet hopeful at the end.

BONUS! Just because I think it'd be fun. Make Tolya canonically aromantic and just care deeply and platonically for Inej, but maybe he can still fulfill Inej's desire for a sexual relationship since he can be demi or greysexual or even asexual with a libido. Kaz may never fully stop being touch averse, which is perfectly fine, and he and Inej connect romantically with a fulfilling life of love. And then Kaz and Tolya get to bond deeply platonically over their mutual love for life's beauty (poetry and Inej). Make them some sort of triad that mixes and fulfills everyone's romantic, sexual, and platonic needs. It's a win-win-win for all three. It doesn't have to be a love triangle, Inej has two hands. Do I expect the show to go in this direction? No. Would I love to see it? Yes.

Obviously I'm exaggerating scenerio #1 on purpose. Because that exaggeration is what I imagine people to seem to think the show is leading to based on how intense their responses have been so far. I also tried to address some other things I've seen people freaking out about when making the scenarios, like how Kaz will react to Tolya or worrying if Tolya being aroace will ever be acknowledged in the show.

What do I think is most likely to happen? Honestly, scenario #3 or #4. Maybe #6. That's why I'm not freaking out. Yes I ship Kanej, yes I think Tolya is aroace, but I also like the idea of them exploring Tolnej and I think either #3 or #4 would be fun to see. While the show strays from the books in a lot of ways, I don't think they'll stray from the final relationships by the end of it.

At the end of Ruin and Rising, Mal and Alina get to leave, get married, and live an ordinary life full of ordinary things. I LOVE the ending (apparently that's another controversial opinion I have about the Grishaverse) but that didn't happen in the show. Yet. The show has separated Mal and Alina so that Mal can figure out who he is without his tracking and so they can find out if they love each other for each other, or if it was just destiny that pulls them together. This is not in the book at all. And yet I love it. It can lead to strengthening their relationship since I trust the show will still end eventually with them together, hopefully with their ordinary ending. I think the show is doing the same thing with Kanej. The "I'll have you without your armor or not at all" conversation actually came towards the end of the duology, but the show moved it much earlier. I like that they did because this gives them something to build up from. Another reason I like scenarios #3 and #4 is because they still give Kaz the opportunity take what Inej said to heart and try to live without his armor. At the end of Crooked Kingdom, he takes off his glove and holds Inej's hand, but he is not at that point in the show yet. He will be eventually. And knowing that Inej might move on with Tolya can give him more reason to work to get to that point. I don't think the show is telling us Kanej will never happen, I think the possibility of Tolnej is the same as them separating Malina. I believe they will all come back together.

And if any of my listed scenarios do happen: THAT DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN TOLYA'S SEXUALITY IS ERASED.

Sexuality in the Grishaverse is never defined. The fans can make inferences based on the relationships that Leigh gives her characters, but they don't define the characters' sexualities with labels in the books. This is because in the Grishaverse, labels as we know them don't seem to exist. You can kind of think of it in the way that we should treat LGBT+ people in history: we can give them labels of what we would consider them to be in our current era, but we'll never truly know what they would have labeled themselves because either they were closeted or there were just no labels for their sexualities at the time. And when they did have labels, they often called themselves things that many LGBT+ people would never use today. I look at the Grishaverse characters' sexualities in a similar way; they don't label themselves, and we can make assumptions based on the labels we would use, but they will never be explicitly canon unless Leigh puts it in the books.

For example, Hanne in Rule of Wolves (MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THIS PARAGRAPH) Leigh uses "she/her" pronouns for them up until the last part of the book, and then Leigh is careful to NEVER use any pronouns for Hanne again. The fandom assumes Hanne identifies as a transman from that point on or maybe nonbinary, but we really don't know for sure yet because it happened so late in the book. The Grishaverse wiki uses "they/them" pronouns for Hanne precisely because we don't know what they prefer. All we know is that they always felt uncomfortable when they presented as a girl, and they enjoyed Tailoring themself to be more masculine. Maybe in future books we will get a definite answer as to whether they are a transman or nonbinary, but for now we technically don't know. But out of respect, the fandom has agreed to use they/them for Hanne. (RULE OF WOLVES SPOILERS ARE DONE)

So, if Tolya does have a relationship with Inej at some point in the show, whether or not it lasts, it doesn't erase the possibility of Tolya being on the asexual and/or aromantic spectrums. The show and books are never going to give him a definitive label. He could be demisexual/romantic and figure out after forming a bond with Inej that he has sexual or romantic feelings for her. Or he could be greysexual/romantic, which has a purposefully wide definition (rare specific circumstance that he desires having a relationship, weak attraction or difficulty telling it apart from platonic feelings, etc), and his experiences with Inej could fall into one of those categories. In these cases, we'd probably get a scene where he'd say something like "I've always thought I only needed my books and faith, but after getting to know you, Inej, I have never felt this way before and I don't think I'll ever feel this way again." This would still be representation for people who fall along the middle of the aroace spectrum, but not those at the furthest edge. If the relationship doesn't last and through it he realizes that he's sure that these are things he's not interested in, then that represents every aroace person who had to go through that before coming to terms with their sexuality. It's not erasure. Maybe it doesn't specifically represent YOU if you consider yourself aroace, but it definitely represents SOMEONE who does (I'd find it very relatable).

And all of this goes back to something I mentioned at the start: the show is not DONE. If it gets renewed, which it likely will, then there is more to see. To me, the people I see freaking out about the possibility of Tolnej, whether it's because they ship Kanej and don't want a triangle or because they don't want Tolya's sexuality to be "erased," are reacting the way you'd usually see people react if the show ended at this point. But it probably will not. And then when I see posts from the people who are thinking ahead, they seem to only be considering scenario #1 and not realizing there are a multitude of directions for the show to go in. It's not worth freaking out over. Plus, there's always the saying "don't like don't read," so if you find you really are disliking even the possibility that any scenario I listed could come true, you can just not watch the show and pretend it doesn't exist. The books are never changing. Even if the show changes everything, even if they have Alina end up with Jesper or Wylan end up with Nadia or Zoya marry a volcra or any other ridiculous outcome that utterly changes the show's canon, the book's canon will never change. You can always turn to the books if things don't ultimately turn out in a way you want them to.

Also, why am I seeing people complain that fans are writing fanfiction already about Tolnej? Why are you complaining about what other fans are doing that has zero affect on you? Fanfiction is not just for the canon ships. It's not even just for shipping in general, but it's definitely not reserved to the ships that are canon. You can write fanfiction for any ship you want to. Shipping wars have never truly made sense to me, but maybe that's because my first big online fandom was Glee and the ships were constantly changing and switching around so there was no point in putting too much effort into arguing because it may all change in the next episode anyway. Yes, we had lots of ship wars, but when people shipped the most random "crackships" possible then the appropriate response for most people was "wow, they really ship that, weird" and then to move on. Let people write fanfics. That's why AO3 exists. You can just write whatever you like. And yes of course a new crop of fans hate AO3, which is a whole other issue I cannot wrap my head around, but the point is to just let people write the fanfic they want to write and make the fanart they want to. Someone has already made a Tolnej fanvid on YouTube? Wow that's incredible since they did it so quickly! Malina on the moon AU? Cool throw in some sun and moon jokes! Do you think that Wylan and Hershaw would be best friends? Go for it, they'll probably blow everything up! The Darkling and Mal and Alina incest AU fic? Not my cup of tea but you do you and I just won't read it. People will write what they want to, and they aren't hurting anyone in the process, so if you don't want to see it then don't read it.

I see people complaining that shipping wars will begin to start after this fandom had been so peaceful for years. Honestly, the only reason there weren't shipping wars before this was because Six of Crows didn't have enough characters and possible ships to have a war over. Mixing with Shadow and Bone earlier in the timeline has opened up the possibilities. You know how to prevent shipping wars? Just don't fight with people who ship the things that you don't ship. Don't engage. If you see a Tolnej fanfiction, don't tell the author "Ew I hate Tolnej. You shouldn't have written this." just don't read it. Or if you do read it and still don't like it, then move on. If someone who ships Tolnej comes on a Kanej post and starts saying Tolnej is better, or vice versa, you can press the block button. Or you can just not respond to them. A shipping war doesn't start if you don't fight in it. There can just be people who ship Tolnej, people who ship Kanej, people who ship all 3 of them together, and everyone can just choose what they want to interact with and scroll past what they don't.

When it comes to Avatar: The Last Airbender, I am a gigantic Zutara shipper, and the Zutara vs Kataang ship war was infamously a bad one, but I just try not to engage in it. I know my ship isn't canon. Sure, I'll complain that it's not canon, maybe say "Oh in this scene they were so in love" and think about what could have been, but then I just go read Zutara fanfics. If you don't want to see shipping wars, don't participate. Ignore it. Move on.

But you know what? I think I know what the ultimate source of this is, or at least one of the sources. I've been seeing similar uproars in the Stranger Things and Umbrella Academy fandoms this year. Both are fandoms that also tend to skew younger than myself. I think fans, especially younger fans, are now reacting in these intense ways as a defense mechanism because so many shows get cancelled early. They're preparing in advance for this to be the last of whatever media they love, they're preparing for this to be canon forever, and they aren't happy.

Using Stranger Things as my example, I saw it happen when people were mad that Will didn't come out as gay at the end of Season 4 and that Mike didn't fall in love with him. I get that you guys ship them, and I love Will and want him to be happy, but just because it didn't happen in Season 4 doesn't mean it's not going to happen. First of all, Will is a 14 year old kid in the 1986 from a small town in Indiana that can barely handle Dungeons and Dragons and he's already been bullied at school for possibly being gay, coming out is not as easy as it is today. Reagan only just acknowledged AIDS one year earlier. Even Robyn hasn't come out to anyone but Steve. If they had thrown in Will coming out amongst the chaos of Elle fighting Vecna and trying to save Max, I know people would complain that it got shoehorned in as an afterthought. And because it didn't happen at all, people are complaining about that too. I know people will always complain about something, but I'm sure that fewer fans would complain if they didn't have the fear of cancellation instilled in them. Sure, Stranger Things would never get cancelled before finishing the planned story, but these fans are just used to feeling that the end of each season of every show could possibly be The End, and then complain about the loose ends accordingly.

That's what I think I'm seeing from the people who are upset about the possibility of Tolya and Inej being together. The show will probably be renewed, but it's not guaranteed. If it were to end right now, then yeah, fans who only watch the show would assume Inej and Kaz will never be together, that Tolya is interested Inej, and they'd have no idea that he's implied to be aroace in the books. But here's the thing: if you read the books, you know none of this is true. In the books, Tolya is aroace representation. In the books, Kaz and Inej are implied to have a romantic future. Why does it matter to you and your life if some people who watch the show don't know about the parts of the books that haven't happened yet? The fans who are mad about this change are all book fans because we're the ones who know it's a change. If we don't like the change, we can always choose to only acknowledge the books. The books can't be cancelled. The books are not going to change. Even if the show goes in directions you don't like, you can always take solace in the books.

Also, I see way too many people complaining about Tolya and Inej who have only read SoC/CK but not any of the books that Tolya actually appears in.

I'm nearly done. I wanted to address the aroace fans who are sad because they saw themselves in Tolya and now feel he doesn't represent them. I'm sorry that a character you connected to doesn't touch you the same way in the show as they did in the book. But you can't say Tolya isn't aroace representation in the show, at least not yet. At this point, he doesn't represent YOU and you definitely deserve representation, but he does represent SOMEONE. And hopefully he will continue to represent someone. So many aroace people had relationships with people they cared about and thought they felt romantic or sexual love for, before they eventually realized they were aroace. If this ends up as Tolya's story, then that rings true to SO MANY people. As I keep repeating, the show is not over, this could be leading to one of the scenarios where Tolya figures out that he is aroace through pursuing a relationship with Inej. He could already be demi or grey and it just hasn't come up in the show yet, but meeting Inej is one of the few times in his life that he does feel romantic and/or sexual attraction. Or, the look he gave her was just platonic and he's excited to have her aboard the Volkvolny.

We don't know for sure. It's better to just let the show's story unfold and remember that you will always have the books you love, rather than waste energy worrying about where the show is heading.

So yeah. I love Tolya. I love the idea of Tolnej. I love any plot point that can put more Tolya on my screen. I am greyromantic and demi/grey/flux/asexual/whatever and I personally like where they're taking his character and I want to see what it leads to. I hope it ultimately leads to him staying on the asexual and aromantic spectrums, but we don't know for sure right now. We just need to wait and see.

Also, don't tag any hate posts for the ship in the Tolya Yul-Bataar, Tolnej, Tolya x Inej, and Inej x Tolya tags. That's just fandom etiquette 101.

.......................

tl;dr:

1) The show isn't done yet and we don't know where it's heading. 2) The show can be heading in a bunch of different directions, including keeping Tolya as aroace and having Kanej be canon. 3) Asexuality and aromanticism are spectrums and umbrella terms, so Tolya could be with Inej and still be considered aroace. 4) This isn't erasing aroace representation because there will still be aroace people who will feel represented by him. 5) The books are not going away so if worst comes to worst, he'll still always be aroace representation in the books.

#tolya yul bataar #grishaverse #shadow and bone #inej ghafa #sab spoilers #shadow and bone spoilers #anyway if you're gonna try to argue with me then at least read the whole thing first #i try to anticipate things people will ask about or argue against when i write stuff like this. so at least read it if you wanna argue. #since i likely tried to touch on whatever point you wanted to make. if not then cool. #if you don't wanna read the whole thing and if even the tldr is too long for you then just don't try to argue #also my anon is off. it hasn't been turned on in years. so. yay. #my replies are also off unless i follow you or you've followed me for a week. but not because of this post. #it's because i had a racist call me the N-word over House of the Dragon. so. i got bigger things to worry about. #oh especially listen to that last point and don't tag any hate. notice i didn't tag this as kanej. #this isn't even kanej hate. this isn't remotely kanej hate. you can see from my SoC duology review post #i ship kanej. i like kanej. but i still didn't tag it. this will show up in searches because i said kanej throughout. #but it's not going to show up in the kanej tag. because i just don't want to open that can of worms. #anyway i spent like... 7 total hours writing this over the course of this afternoon and evening #when i get in the zone i get in the zone

[johnkrrasinski]

started from a call

full masterlist

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x female!reader

Word count: 3,610

Warning: angst with a happy ending! that's all.

Summary: written for @wkemeup's 9k writing challenge with the prompt "character a leaves an embarrassing, drunk message on character b’s voicemail and spends the rest of the night trying to discreetly delete it from [b]’s phone." inspired by a bit of ross and rachel from friends too. you found out from steve that bucky was in love with you in high school but after he returns home with a girl in his arm, you cancelled your plans to tell him how you feel. will you and bucky have your happy ending?

a/n: please like, reblog and leave a feedback. :) enjoy!

"Alright, I'll see you tonight. Bye." He leaned against the kitchen counter and hung up the phone with a grin on his face. "You hear that, Sam? We're going on our third date tonight." He threw his phone up into the air and caught it so casually without spilling a drop of his coffee sitting on his right hand. "Looks like I'm getting that 300 bucks soon."

"Hey, easy. You ain't going to that date yet, who knows? She could bail on you. It doesn't count if the date doesn't end well."

"Oh, but it will. I just gotta turn on my charm and next thing you know, we're already meeting the parents stage."

"Meeting the parents? That's a big step from you, Buck."

"Hey, I'm a man of my words. If I said that I'm going to change this year then I'm gonna stick to it."

"So Leah isn't just a one-time thing to get 300 bucks?"

"Maybe yes, maybe no. We'll see how tonight goes. But one thing's for sure is that I'm getting that 300 bucks."

Sam and Bucky made a bet as their New Year's resolution that Bucky would never go on a second date with any girl or remember to call her in the morning after a wild night. His commitment issues had given him a reputation as the player in the gang. It wasn't a new thing anymore to anyone that when they visited Bucky's place in the morning, they would see a girl with a dopey smile and slightly ruffled hair walking out of his apartment, giddy that Bucky just made a promise to call her later.

You, Natasha, Wanda, Sam and Steve were hanging out at Nat's place. The six of you had been friends since college. You, Nat, Bucky and Steve had known each other since high school and the four of you kept in touch despite going to separate universities. You met Wanda when you went to NYU and Steve met Sam while he was in Harvard. Long story short, after the four of you graduated, you and Wanda lived together as roommates and even started your own bakery business. Steve and Bucky lived in the same building as you and Natasha and Sam lived nearly alone. They were too independent for roommates. Don't even start on Natasha and how much she valued her personal space. That's how the six of you ended up here, gathered at your place on a Saturday afternoon.

"Are you gonna pick her up tonight?"

"Of course. Gonna clean up well, bring her some flowers and knock on her door at 7 pm precisely. Which girl isn't gonna fall for that?" Bucky walked over to the couch you and Nat were sitting on and leaned on the headrest, his arms caging both you and Natasha.

You didn't say anything nor did Natasha because she knew about your feelings for Bucky. Despite never feeling that way about Bucky in high school, your feelings changed a week ago after learning that Bucky used to be in love with you but never had the courage to tell you. That's why he never had a girlfriend during his high school years and he wanted to take you to prom and confess his feelings to you but he was too late. Another guy had already snooped in first.

You were his first love but it wasn't reciprocated until now. That's why in college, he learned how to get over you and slept with as many women as possible because he felt like he lost four years of his life of finding the one. He never intended to be a player and feed girls empty promises, it just kind of became his way of dating. He was too afraid that no one could live up to you yet he enjoyed being with women. Hence, the bet.

The day you found out from Steve about Bucky's past feelings for you while playing truth or dare, you immediately wanted to call him up but Bucky was out of town for a few days and as soon as he was back home, he had Leah in his arm. Your heart was crushed. Wanda told you that it would probably last for a few days and that he'd eventually be single again but you totally did not expect this thing to turn into something serious. You loved Sam with every fibre of your being, he was like the big brother you never had, but you wanted to curse him for making that bet.

So you just rolled your eyes and stayed silent throughout this entire conversation, even though your heart felt like it was being stabbed over and over again. "Alright, I gotta go. Got a big date tonight. I'll see you guys in a few hours." Just like that, Bucky walked out of the room without knowing the pain his words caused you.

The next day you were sitting in your bed watching The Notebook in your pyjamas because you were too heartbroken to do anything productive. It was Sunday so you could just have a whole day to yourself and do absolutely nothing but cry. Wanda knocked on your door bringing a plate of cookies and she had a pitiful look on her face. "y/n? Sweetie? I made you these cookies, they might make you feel better." Sometimes you thank the stars for bringing her into your life.

"Thank you, Wanda. You're so nice to me." You know you probably sound like a hormonal whiny kid but everything made you cry at the moment.

"Do you need anything else? I know how it feels to get your heartbroken, trust me. When me and Vision had a fight and we didn't talk for days all I wanted was to curl up and never leave my bed, so in case you need anything, I'm here." She offered you that warm smile of hers.

"No, all I want right now is to just eat these cookies and go back to my film, thanks Wan."

"Okay, I'll be outside." Your pity party was interrupted when Nat arrived in her leather jacket and burst into your room.

"Get up, you are taking a shower and you're getting that face beat."

"Natasha, what the hell? Leave me alone."

"Y/N, listen to me. I got a date for you. His name is Scott and he's a real nice guy, he's funny, he's a good friend of mine and he is really smart. He is so much better than Bucky, I promise you. Now c'mon, I already told him that you are meeting him tonight at Stark's restaurant at 7."

You whined, doing anything you can to get her to leave you alone with your tears and your cookies but you knew that once Natasha set her mind on something, there's no talking her way out of it. Damn that woman with her determination.

"Y/N, c'mon! Wallowing all day isn't you. I know you and what's good for you. That's why I found you a great guy who will charm you so good that you will forget Barnes even existed. You can't let him win, y/n. If he's going to be happy with someone else, then you better show him that you can be much happier with other people."

You stared at her, trying to absorb her words. There's some wisdom in that. You're not the type to cry over a guy, not even for even Bucky Barnes. So you let Natasha drag you to the shower and asked Wanda to do your hair when she does your makeup. She chose an outfit for you, a dress that was not too sexy but chic enough to leave a good first impression.

Scott was early to the restaurant and he looked elated to see you. He was wearing a grey suit with no tie and he had a really exuberant smile on his face, the type that drew people easily. You could see why Natasha called him a nice guy.

"Wow, sorry, I just- didn't expect you to be this beautiful."

"Ah, thank you, Scott. Have you been waiting long?"

"No, not at all. I just arrived here like five minutes ago."

The night went on and Scott did most of the asking and talking, you answered each question curtly with forced enthusiasm in your face and body language. You weren't even listening to half of the things he said because your mind kept playing images of Bucky with Leah and how you heard from Sam that the date went well so he lost 300 bucks. You kept thinking about Bucky and Leah and how they would probably get married and have kids and live in the suburbs with a golden retriever while you'd still be single and you'd compare every man you meet to Bucky. Maybe it was your karma for not reciprocating his feelings in high school.

Five glasses of wine and you spent more time nodding than talking. Honestly, all you wanted to do was to just go home and go back to The Notebook because their love story was much better than your love life. Scott woke you out of your daze, "Natasha told you that I was cuter than this, did she?" after you gulped your sixth glass of wine.

"Oh Scott, I'm so sorry. It's not you, it's me. I know it sounds cliche but it's just... I'm not in a place where I'm looking for a boyfriend. You are a really likeable guy and I swear, if we had met at another time, maybe I would be a better date but right now, I just- I have someone else in my mind." You sighed, it felt like a relief to get that off your chest.

"Is this guy... an ex-boyfriend?"

You chuckled, "no... He wishes."

Scott nodded, "look, I don't know what your situation is but I've been through a divorce and it's never easy. But eventually, you'll be fine. You can't see it now because you haven't had closure." Then it was as if the bulb above your head was turned on.

"That's it.  Closure, yeah. That's all I need. Okay, give me a minute. I'm gonna call him now and I'm going to get my closure."

Scott sat there watching you comically trying to find your phone in your purse and tapped on Bucky's contact number. The normal you would be sweating with every ring but intoxicated you had no worries in the world... For now.

"This is Bucky. Can't pick up right now, leave a message." Beep.

"Hello, yes, Bucky! Or James, should I call you James? I always thought Bucky was a weird name. Anyways, I'm just calling to tell you that I am fine and I am on a date with Scott. And speaking of dates, I just gotta tell you that I'm happy to hear that your date went well. And that, my friend, means that I am over you. That's right, I'm over you. Tell Leah I say hi." You said sarcastically.

You hung up the phone and threw your phone back into your purse. You felt like you just won a chess game.

The next morning you decided to sleep in because your heart was pounding and you could barely sit up without feeling like you might fall. You were supposed to be working at the bakery but since you owned the bakery, Wanda let you sleep it off until you recover. You couldn't remember anything from last night, how you got back to your apartment was a mystery. You tried to put the pictures together, from being forced to go on a date, meeting a guy named Sean? Simon? Sebastian? Scott! Yes, Scott. You ordered your meals and then... Nothing, it was all blurry. You weren't even sure if anything happened at all after eating your meals.

The apartment was empty because Wanda was working at the bakery and it was just you with your hangover pills. Bucky came to your apartment without knocking because Wanda told him on the phone that you were home. He greeted you with a smile and asked about your date.

"Uh, let's see. I think there was a restaurant, I know there was wine. And there's a guy, Scott and pretty much that's all I can recall."

Bucky made a yikes face. Seeing the state you were in, he could do the math (of the wine you had). You probably enjoyed the alcohol more than the guy. What a doofus, he thought. If he was the one going on a date with you, you'd definitely remember every detail from last night.

"Leah's downstairs and I'm taking her back to her place but I left my keys here last night. Have you seen it?"

"No, check the drawers. Maybe Wanda put 'em there."

"Ah, okay." He opened the drawers and found the keys to his bike.

"Did we... Speak on the phone last night?"

"Nope, my phone was dead and I didn't charge it all night so I haven't really checked it. Why?"

"Nothing, nothing. It's just... Never mind. My memories are a bit hazy right now. You should go, say hi to Leah for me."

Bucky nodded as you walked back to your room to go lie down. Your question reminded him that he should probably check his phone now because there could be work-related messages but the first thing he heard was a voicemail from you. "Oh, y/n. I got your message!"

That instantly stopped you in your tracks. Your eyes went wide and you froze. You immediately turned around and ran to grab his phone away from him. Bucky had a confused look on his face, "who's Scott?"

"Oh my God, no, Bucky, give me the phone. Give me the phone!" But it was already too late, he was already halfway through your voicemail and by the time you successfully snatched his phone out of his grasp, he had already heard every word.

Bucky stood there dumbfounded, he needed time to process everything you just said to him. "What do you- what do you mean you're over me?"

"Oh, God... Alright, um- lately, I've um- sort of, have... Feelings for you." You never had to chase a guy or confess your crush first so this felt new and my God, it was nerve-racking.

"You have feelings for me..." He said it as if he was convincing himself that his ears got it right. Bucky couldn't believe the words that just escaped through your lips, for years he had dreamed of this moment. Though never did he ever want you to make the first move but adolescent him wanted to hear you say what he'd been wanting to say to you too.

He didn't say anything for what felt like minutes and you couldn't decipher his thoughts from the look on his face. "I need to sit down," he pulled one of the dining chairs and leaned on his side in a defeated posture.

"Bucky... Please say something." You alerted him in a hushed tone, not wanting to startle him than you already did. But he didn't. He was lost at words. What the hell was he supposed to tell her?

"Look Bucky, I'm sorry for telling you this way but I had to. I just- I've been wanting to talk to you about it since you came back to New York, well- actually, since Steve told me but-"

"Whoa, Steve told you?!" He interrupted.

"Yeah, it just accidentally slipped when we were playing truth or dare..."

"Okay well," he stood up from his seat, yet he still couldn't look you in the eye. "I can't do this right now, Leah's waiting for me downstairs and I gotta go." He basically ran out of the room and slammed the door behind him, leaving you alone.

Once your hangover had begun dissipating, you decided to help Wanda at the bakery and took the night shift. She must've been exhausted from managing the bakery alone while also helping the employees in the kitchen so you told her to go home and leave it to you. The bakery's usually slower at night.

When it was nearing closing time and your employees had gone home, you decided to clean up and turned off the lights and checked everything one last time before locking the door. The bell above the door dinged and you were slightly annoyed because who the hell comes to the bakery at this hour?

"I'm sorry we're clo...sed." It was Bucky. He stood there in a black coat, with an expression you still couldn't figure out. "Bucky, what are you-"

"You have no right to tell me that you've got feelings for me." His tone was harsh, he never spoke that way to you or anyone... Ever.

"What?"

He walked closer to you, maintaining his gaze, "You can not tell me that you've got feelings for me now when I'm doing well with my life and Leah..."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I was in love with you for years! Years, y/n! And you never said and did anything and now when everything's going well you're ruining it!"

"I am ruining it?" You repeated the question because you couldn't believe what you just heard. How dare he said those hurtful things to you.

"Yes! I was doing fine with Leah and now I don't know what's going to happen with me and her anymore..."

"Yeah, well, I was doing fine before I found out that YOU were in love with me and never had the balls to tell me!" You did everything you could to not cry, you hated crying in the middle of an argument.

"Hey, it's not like I didn't try. There were your ex-boyfriends and your dates and I had to move on. I couldn't wait forever! And now, now you're too late."

"Oh, so what? You're just gonna walk away and pretend that this never happened?"

"Yes, I'm going to do exactly that and I'm going to go see Leah." He turned around like he did earlier in your apartment and left you alone once again with your heartbreak.

"Fine! Go ahead and see Leah because I don't give a fuck about cowards like you or whoever you sleep with." You slammed the door and tried everything you could to not have a breakdown here because you really hated letting an argument hurt you. You sat on one of the chairs where the customers would sit and you hid your face with your hands and cried.

Not because you just lost an argument but because of what Bucky said and it felt like you had lost Bucky before you even had him. Now there was no hope left for you and Bucky, things were too complicated.

You didn't know how long you had cried there, alone, in the dimmed lighting of your shop but after you felt like the tears had dried, you wiped the traces of your tears from your cheeks with the back of your thumb. You stood from your seat and was ready to go home. You couldn't wait to eat some leftover pizzas, take a warm shower and cry into your pillows until you fall asleep.

But when you were about to leave, you saw Bucky standing on the other side of the door, watching you through the windows with a softer expression on his face. You opened the door and Bucky instantly grabbed your waist and kissed you as if his life depended on it.

You gave in to his kiss, letting him pour every desire and yearning into your lips for as long as he wanted. You grabbed his face because you wanted him impossibly closer and you shut your eyes, letting your guard down. Because it was Bucky, and you'd known him for as long as you could remember and you both deserved this moment.

Bucky eventually pulled away until both of you were running out of air. You were breathless from his kiss, you never knew he was such a good kisser. (It's Bucky and he's had a lot of women on his bed, of course, he was excellent at it. Who were you kidding?) But now that you've had your own front-row experience, you felt a tad of possessiveness at the thought of sharing those lips or any part of him with anyone else.

"I couldn't go back to her knowing you are here alone and I had thrown away what I've wanted for as long as I could remember."

"I'm glad you came back." You pressed your foreheads and you rested your hands on his chest. You could get used to this.

"I hope it's not too late to say this but, y/n y/l/n, will you let me take you to dinner and see a movie after maybe?"

"I wasn't the one who said it's too late," you halfheartedly teased him.

"Shut up, so is that a yes or a no?"

You bit your lip and nodded, "yes. Definitely a yes." You stared into his ocean blue eyes, so deep and beautiful, you could easily get lost in it.

"y/n y/ln, I'm going to put all of your ex-boyfriends to shame."

"Hm, we'll see about that." You put your arms around his neck. Then a thought crossed your mind and your smile faded away, "what are you gonna do about Leah though?"

"I'll talk to her in the morning. Let's take you home now, yeah? It's getting late."

You bit your lip and nodded, "okay."

Ninth grade you dreamed of popular jocks and athletic seniors, but little did you know that, sometimes, the one who sincerely loved you was the book nerd who loved The Hobbit a little too much.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes drabble #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes series #bucky barnes modern au #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan smut #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan angst #sebastian stan fanfic #friends to lovers

[sybilmarlowe]

Ooh!! A modern headcanon of DoffyxViola in Miami! They're married! Oh and Law stays with them while his god-father Rosci is in the Navy for long months! Have fun with this!

For this HC I’m gonna modify Law’s age a bit, since in the comics he’s just 3 years younger than Viola and it wouldn’t be fun XP so everybody has the same age as in the series except for him who’s 10 yo. 

I also ended up modifying a bit your request (the story takes place in a week and not in months) because I came up with a nice idea and it worked better like this... hope you don’t mind! 

- being the head of a huge company in New York (don't ask me why is it so canon he'd be a manager if he lived in our world XD) may be very stressful and, after a whole month spent working almost without a break, Doflamingo decided to finally take some time for himself... and his wife.

- He’d been married to Viola for 4 months now, but, shortly after their honeymoon, business had increased and it’d become harder and harder for him to spend time with her. 

- She was a very sweet and comprehensive person, but Doffy felt guilty anyways, she deserved much more! 

- That night he went back home with a huge bunch of roses for his wife and a bottle of the finest wine

- “Violet, we have to celebrate!” “What is it, Doffy? Was your business particularly good today?” “Yes, but... what I want to celebrate tonight is the beginning of a very special week. A whole week for just you and me”

- Of course, even the “celebration for the beginning” was quite fun itself, but it was nothing compared to what Doffy had planned for his wife for the following 7 days... - The morning after they were already on a plane to Miami: Doffy had a beautiful attic there, right above the sea, with a stunning view... the perfect place to spend some time with Viola.

- Some very special time just for the two of them, finally, far away from New York, from work and from any kind of bothering...

- ...or maybe not.

- They were just entered the appartment, Doffy holding Viola bridal style (he loves to be theatrical, that's a matter of fact), when his phone suddenly started ringing.

-“I have no intention to answer, it must be someone from the company who forgot about my directives...”

“I don't think so, my love, that's your personal phone. Answer it, it can be something important”

- Seeing the name on the screen almost made him swear.

- “Rocinante! What is it!? Didn't I tell you I was going to finally spend some time with my wife this week?! I really hope you...”

“You're in Miami, right?”

“Yes, but...”

“Great! My flight is making a stopover there in 15 minutes, I have to move abroad for 6 days for a meeting with the Navy Admirals and I couldn't find anyone to look after Law!”

“You're not listening, are you!? I told you I'm in Miami because...”

“Law is here with me, I've already called a taxi which'll drive him to your house. You're staying in the attic, I guess... Have you other properties there?”

“Rocinante! I told you...!”

“Thank you, bro! I owe you a favour!”

“Rocinante! You...! I can't believe, he just hang up on me!”

- Doffy had never been so angry in a while, but Viola was giggling “Come on, your brother's stepchild is a good boy, it won't be so bad to have him around!”

- Not even half an hour later, Law arrived the attic accompanied by one of the building's doormen. He had nothing else with him than a backpack and a portable console.

- “Alright, kid, your room is on the second floor”

“Can I play on the couch over there?”

“Of course you ca...”

“You can, dear!” Viola talked over her husband “You're with family here, do as if you were home!”

- That was just the beginning of the end. Law was indeed a good kid but he was... a kid! He spent hours playing videogames in the living room (which, of course, was the best room of the attic) and running around pretending to be his favourite hero, Sora. He also read comics while walking sometimes and once he almost broke an expensive flamingo sculpture!

- Ok, Viola actually hoped for the sculpture to be broken, but Doflamingo was faster in catching it...

- No dinners for two, of course, Law felt lonley eating alone in his room as “uncle Doffy” suggested (and Viola would have never allowed it)

- As any 10-years-old child, Law woke up early every morning and asked to go to the beach, but eventually he always stayed under the beach umbrella reading his comics and lamenting it was too hot.

- At night... well, he played his videogames or watched tv without minding his step-uncles' room was just next to his. And at the same time Viola and Doffy weren't actually allowed to do whatever they wanted for the same reason.......

- But the bottom was touched one evening when Doffy finally managed to be alone with his wife at the poolside on the terrace. Law hadn't been around for the whole afternoon, so he thought he had decided to stay away in his room for once.

- It goes without saying, he was wrong.

- All of a sudden, Law run into the terrace and... he slipped.

- He fell violently in Doffy's lap, causing his chair to broke and his drink to... fall all over a very perplexed Viola.

- “Look what you've done!”

“I didn't do it on purpose, it was an accident!”

“Go to your room! Now!”

“Ehi! You can't say me wat to do, old man!”

- That was enough.

- Doffy now looked totally calm and incredibly scary “If you don't get out of my sight immediately, I'll make both you and that idiot brother of mine regret having brought you here”

- Law widened his eyes in terror, he hesitated a couple of seconds and then run away. He was crying.

- “I... I'm sorry, Viola, are you alright? If only that kid hadn't... ”

“Doffy, don't you think you just overdid a bit with him?”

“What!? Did you hear him? I can't stand that arrogant spoiled child anymore!”

“Spoiled and arrogant child? He reminds me so much of someone else... He just wants to catch your attention! After all he lost his parents not so long ago... he needs a family”

“I really don't know how a woman like you could have chosen a man like me, really... you're even too gentle!”

“But I'm right. Now go talk to him, he looks up at you if you haven't noticed! Be a good uncle for once!”

- He followed Viola's advice, he reached Law in his room and talked to him as a real uncle should. It was strange at the beginning, but somehow it worked.

-“I didn't mean to bother you and aunt Viola... I promise I'll lower my videogame's volume and be careful not to bump into your sculptures anymore... even if they're horrible.”

- For the first time, Doffy simply laughed.

- The following three days were good. Yes, that week hadn't surely been as Doffy had planned, he barely managed to stay alone with his wife... but being uncles was not so bad!

- “Let me just ask you a ting, kid... why do you always ask us to bring you to the beach if you don't even approach water? Couldn't be you can't swim!”

“Honestly, uncle... I don't...”

“Well... neither do I!”

- Rocinante reached them on the 6th day to bring Law back home with him. When he asked if he had acted well, both Viola and Doffy answered he was a very good child. Viola also added he had to be proud of such a good son and Rocinante struggled not to cry.

- They stayed for dinner and left that very evening.

- “Remember, brother, I owe you a favour!”

“Oh, you can bet I will!”

- And, in the end, husband and wife were finally, truly alone.

- “We still have this night and a whole day for us, Doffy, aren't you happy?”

“I'd have prefered this all to be very different, but...”

“You seemed to have fun with Law in the end, uh?”

“I can't say the contrary... he's a smart kid, after all. But I really hope it'll be a while before we'll have to look after children again!”

“Mmh... eight months is enough?”

“Eight months... WHAT?!”

“You get it well, love. I'm pregnant!”

(Sorry for the long wait, dear, I had a to work a lot lately xAx but I managed to write this in the end! Hope you like it!)

#One Piece headcanons #doflamingo x viola #viola one piece #donquixote doflamingo #doflamingo #law #trafalgar law #donquixote rocinante #corazon

[bomberqueen17]

disk horde

So I’ve tried to use Discord before and kinda bounced off, and Times Are So Difficult I thought I’d give it another chance, and anyway I still don’t entirely get it but it has been some solace lately.

(Kaer Morhen is still accepting new signups, that link’s good 24 hours so until Monday afternoon; so far we’ve got enough biologists and ttrpg types that they’ve joined deadly forces to come up with all sorts of horrifying headcanons about Witcher mutations based on the ttrpg’s list of bonus mutation side effects and it’s unsettling but incredibly entertaining. (yes there was a discussion of dick spines.) also there are a number of custom-drawn react-emotes of Letho, Lambert, Iorveth, and Eskel, so if that’s a thing you’re into, that is where you should be.)

Anyway I’ve now discovered it’s possible to get too sucked into Discord, so I told myself (and the server) that if I did not get a bunch of shit done they should kick me out if I come back. I don’t think anyone would really do that, but I have come here for an accountability post that I did a bunch of things today so I’m allowed to go on Discord now if I want.

1) the rest of the laundry 2) the rest of the design for the Eskel-themed embroidery I’m going to give somebody as a treat for Fisstech & Succubi [details yet to be worked out, it may just be a photo I give, i haven’t made it yet, i’m not even 100% sure how treats work, maybe it’ll just be a thing I make, it’s gonna take forever even for the small thing i’m doing so like, whatever man, and it may not exactly fit anybody’s prompt so whatever]  [anyway this could be yours, sign up over there, I’ll rb the signup thing in a minute] 3) made lunch 4) cut out and ironed all the different layers for quilt sandwiches for the little bitty quilted panels I’ve been working on, the Party Rocking one that was my quarantine craft at MM’s during the spring, and the Roof With A Pipe one I missed doing for Christmas this year and then 5) totally failed to sew the quilt sandwiches together because I spent yesterday setting up a new-to-me solid antique machine Dude’s mom gave me and I cannot get the fucking thing to sew a single stitch. I just can’t. I tried a bunch of different things and finally I pulled out the shuttle casing thing and now can’t get it back in and I quit in tears so.

The quilt sandwiches are ready to go but the fucking sewing machine isn’t.

(A lovely friend sent me a link to the correct manual for the machine, and possibly when I am not in tears of frustration over the whole fucking thing I’ll try again, but in the meantime, absolutely fuck that thing.) and finally 6) I cut up the apples that I bought from the co-op that are too long-stored and have invisible bad spots under the skin, to bake them into an apple crisp later. (Fuck making a pie crust! sorry not doing that today.)

So anyway. I’m going to spend the rest of the day drinking and watching NWHL on Twitch and, oh yeah, making dinner of course.

later I’ll try to do some writing but probably I’ll wind up embroidering while I watch hockey. (Or Witcher, if anyone’s Witchering I’m gonna watch that for sure.)

phew now i don’t wanna get up. no, dinner. i want dinner, because the buffalo game’s at 7 and i want to have eaten by then.

#weekend #about the author #blergh

[nancythebisexualslutwheeler]

Prompt: “My husband has made pancakes and eggs for breakfast every morning and my kids are becoming accustomed to a standard I am not prepared to maintain after he returns to work.”

Richie loves having Eddie home, he does. For the last seven years, Richie’s been working as the stay at home parent, for all three of their children. Eddie continued his work as a risk analyst, though he worked more appropriate hours. He was allowed one week a month to stay after regular business hours to catch up.

They’d met in their mid thirties and clicked right away. Richie lived out most of his career in his late twenties to early thirties so he’s got a little pocket of money that allows them to live in their nice, blue, four bedroom house in the suburbs. Eddie just likes to work because he likes to live a kind of -fancy ass - lifestyle.

So their oldest, freshly turned 7 year olds name is Gemma and she’s a beautiful princess from the day she was born. With Richie’s bright blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair. She loves baking and Legos and of course, Frozen. Richie had thought he could never love anyone more than Eddie until he spent every day at home with his baby girl. Her first word had been “daddy” and the first time she walked from him to Eddie, he’d cried.

Liam is four, with Eddie’s dark hair and eyes. He’s not quiet or timid but loud and demanding and fierce and stubborn, and going to give them a run for their money his entire life. Between Paw Patrol and Frozen, he totally thinks Richie is wasting his time with structured learning, but as soon as he learned to write his name, he wrote it all over the wall. With sharpie. Eddie had a heart attack.

Ian is seven months old. Richie’s doing it all over again and loving it and loves teaching his older children how to take care of their brother. He’s bubbly with chubby cheeks and he loves sweet potatoes and the Gerber puffs more than the five them combined. (Which really sucked cause Richie loved those motherfuckers and they were always out!)

So Richie’s a stay at dad and loves it, and with everything going on, the schools closed, and now Eddie working for home, they’ve somehow stumbled into a weird routine.

For some reason, Eddie wanted to wake up with the kids. Richie had always slept in more than him, and weekends were dedicated to letting him sleep in anyway. So Richie wakes up around 9 or 10. They have lunch around 12, and Eddie works from 12-3, as Richie handles nap time, clean up and prepping for school time. Richie teaches from 2-3 with an afternoon snack outside by the swing set.

Richie stays outside with the younger kids while Eddie works out, he’s been allowing Gemma to come downstairs with him and she’d learned squats and sit ups. She was thrilled.

Richie usually cooked while Eddie led a dance party or an art project or movie time. Richie did a lot for the kids and he was pretty happy with his routine and lifestyle. So when he comes down on Friday and Eddie has not let up on the cooking a full ass breakfast including either hash browns or sausage depending on the day, and a different flavor of pancakes every day, Richie must say something.

If he gets fancy they have oatmeal with too much brown sugar or toast with Nutella but mostly it’s dry cereal in front of the tv while they watch Doc McStuffins for hours on end while Richie wakes up.

“You’re outshining me,” he says, slapping Eddie on the ass with a spatula. Gemmas stirring the pancake batter, Ian is in the high chair eating those damn puffs and Liam is eating chocolate chips out of the bag.

“Are you making homemade whipped cream?” Richie moans as Eddie hands him a cup of coffee.

“Yes daddy!! Papa said it’s a special day!”

“Is it now?”

“Yes it is. We survived one week at home together.”

Richie grins,

“I guess we did. Liam, can I have some of those?”

Liam pulls them bag to his chest and Richie raises an eyebrow,

“Sorry daddy, I’ll share,” he holds the bag out and Richie kisses his forehead,

“Thanks champ.”

“Just so you know Eduardo, I’m not keeping this up when you get back to work, that’s the end of breakfast kids, back to puffs and cereal, you rascals.”

Gemma giggles,

“I miss Frosted Flakes. Oh my gosh, Daddy can I have some?”

“Papa is making breakfast silly.”

“Please? One bowl? Papa?”

“Yeah that’s fine honey.”

Richie rolls his eyes and hugs Eddie from behind,

“Push over.”

“Isn’t that right Ian? You’re the only one who ever listens around here, huh my precious boy?”

“I listen daddy!”

“I listen!”

“I listen!” Eddie replies just to join in.

Richie laughs, he loves his family.

“Can we have sausage too?”

Eddie turns from his place at the stove,

“It’s in the freezer in the garage, go grab it. An orange juice too.”

“Papa say please!” Says Liam.

“Please,” Eddie sings.

Gemma laughs,

“Daddy I wanna listen to music!”

“Papa I wanna play Frozen!”

“Okay, well, breakfast isn’t ready so you can go get dressed if you want.”

“Papa can I be Anna this time?!” Liam begs.

“That’s up to sissy,”.

“No, actually, it’s Liam’s  turn to be Anna,” Richie says, coming back into the kitchen, setting the stuff on the counter.

“Daddy!”

Richie raises an eyebrow and though she’s still pouting, Gemma quiets. The two kids run up the stairs and Eddie uses the opportunity to slide into his husbands chest.

“Good morning my love.”

“Good morning,” Richie kisses Eddie’s forehead.

“You’re a good daddy.”

Richie beams,

“Thank you.”

“I love you so much.”

“I love you more.

#my writing #reddie #it chapter 2 #it 2017 #it 2019 #reddie fan fiction #Eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #long post

[human-trash-fire]

Beautiful Disaster: Chapter 5 (Pynch Soulmate AU)

Alrighty my loves, this chapter has been a labor of love from the beginning. As you continue reading you will see art pieces and each is correlated with a song (those will be at the end), and references yet again will be made to the EMFS playlist (Ronan’s rehab playlist- I’ve actually made it on spotify! you can find it here)

As usual you can find this story on Ao3 @ glam_reaper 2 if you’re interested <3

TW: Mention of suicide attempt, a panic attack though not super descriptive, cannon typical language.

Iv.

You,

I made a friend last week.

I know for most people that wouldn’t be a big deal, but I assume by now You understand what that means for someone like me. I guess “friend” may be a generous term? I don’t know if we are there yet, Blue definitely disagrees with him “on principle.” 

You see, President Cellphone as she calls him, or Richard Campbell Gansey III (I know, what a douchey fucking name) is all boat shoes and privledge and perfect teeth. Gansey isn’t someone I’d normally associate with mind you, Henry kind of met my quota for rich extroverts in the inner circle, and yet…

So, here’s the story. I’m writing my last letter right? And I was so fucking lost. I decided to walk home from Nino’s- I thought maybe it would help me settle. And there, right around the corner is this fucking ‘73 camero. It should have been beautiful, really.. A classic like that? It’s a dream to look at. Only this fucking thing is the UGLIEST color of candy orange you could ever imagine… And it’s blowing smoke all over the damn place. I was honestly going to leave boat-shoes to call his daddy or mechanic or what have you, but he looked so confused. I offered to help him out and was able to get it running long enough to get to Boyd’s.

I expected him to just drop off “The Pig” (the car) like any normal person and come back for it, only I apparently made “quite the impression.”

Gansey ended up staying with me, prattling on about his Masters History program and some welsh king the ENTIRE time I worked on the damn car. At first I was tuning him out, but without realizing it I became completely entranced by the whole story. I’ve never seen such passion for anything, and I have VERY spirited friends.

He has one of those voices you know? The kind that can stop a room, raise an army, lead a nation. The kind that demands to be heard without ever having to raise itself.

That’s Gansey though.

I think he’ll be good for me, I don’t think he’d give me much of a choice in the matter though to be honest. He kind of adopted me this week? That should bother me and yet, being around him is just… It’s being included. It’s a sense of purpose.

I think he needs it too, he doesn’t seem to talk about negative things but you can tell, he’s haunted by something. That’s what solidified it for me really. He may be a senator’s son but he’s seen some shit. 

I wish you could have met him, I wonder if you would have been as intrigued by him as I find myself. 

Blue is being a total idiot about him, but I’m about 82% sure it’s because she is into him. I know for sure the feeling is mutual. It took Gans approximately 15 minutes after meeting Blue to ask me for her life story, offend her beyond measure, and then haul ass out of Nino’s. It was the first time I’d seriously laughed in so long. Have you ever been second-hand embarrassed for someone? It was that. 

I’m going to wrap this up now though, I need to head to Nino’s for my shift, Blue’s working so of course Gans is stopping by. He said he’s bringing one of his best friends with him, some dude named Noah. Apparently he’s pretty cool, so I’m moderately less apprehensive. He said he wished he could bring his other best friend/ his and Noah’s third roommate but the guy is staying with family for a few months or something. Idk? He doesn’t talk about the other roommate much. I honestly don’t even think he’s ever said his name. Who gives a shit though, I can barely handle one new friend, let alone a 3-pack of Ganseys. Good God… I hope Noah isn’t another Gansey…. Fuck.

Welp.

Here goes nothing.

*****

It started with a not-so-subtle idea from the esteemed Dr. Allen. “Show me what happened.” Ronan was never great with words before all this, and since… When he spoke it was usually a litany of curse words. So Dr. Allen had suggested art. In the weeks since his entombment in this fine rehabilitation center, Ronan had kind of already been doing what he was being asked to do now. Though, he didn’t mention it to Allen. He’d spent countless hours sketching his life, the whole thing, in snapshots inside that beautiful leather sketchbook Gansey had given him. 

He started at the beginning, pictures of Aurora and his brothers, the Barns, his father playing guitar by the fire. He drew their family vacations, the cows he used to sneak out and sleep beside when he was a child, the feeling of winning the Tennis State Championship when he was 15. He drew the bad things too, his nightmares, his drug-trips, that old stained couch in the basement of Kavinsky’s house. He put every piece of himself, all 22 years of memories down in that book, woven together with song lyrics in the margins. 

So when Dr. Allen asked him to look specifically to his addiction and create, he didn’t see a problem. He needed to return to school with a series anyways, Declan had called to inform him that strings had been pulled to allow him to finish his final semester at Georgetown, but he needed to walk in with something to show at the January exhibition. Two birds, and all that.

He settled on 7 pieces, each done in oils on canvas, each accompanied by a song. 7 moments in the life of his battle with addiction, from the beginning to now. With each stroke of his brush he felt infinesmally lighter, pouring his grief into the images before him. 

It started with “The Fall.” His father’s murder in reds and greys; fracturing lines and deep shadows. He mixed his paints with tears and used his heart to drag color across the canvas. For the first time in years, Ronan allowed the memory to consume him. He’d re-lived it plenty of times in his nightmares, but this was different. His hands shook, jagged strokes of anger and confusion bleeding through. He painted the brief moment, the final moment, when his world was whole before his teenage mind finally realized what it was he was looking at. His last free breath. And he painted his screams, the cacophony of pain, endlessly mixing with sirens until his vocal chords gave out. 

He drowned the canvas in un-kept promises and hung it out to dry with childhood dreams.

Then came “Chasing the Void.” It was a story told in stark lighting. High beams on a backroad, swirling smoke and broken bottles. It was white glasses and white-powder lines on shark-nosed hood. It was going 115mph, bones rattling with the beat of the bass in his sound system. Ronan painted a black tattoo, used the blood on his knuckles to tint bloodshot eyes. His brush moved with his mother’s disappointment and his brother’s anger. Whimsical lines and Gansey’s head shaking when he found Ronan passed out yet again. He painted the highs and lows when sobriety reminded him that he hated the face that stared back at him in the mirror. 

Each new piece he added to the collection was brought to Dr. Allen’s office. Together they worked through each memory associated with the piece and slowly Ronan felt the weight on his chest lighten. 

Gansey visited every Monday and Friday like clockwork. He kept Ronan apprised to all the goings on of Monmouth and updates on Matthew and Declan. Ronan never asked for them, but he appreciated it regardless. His current obsession though seemed to be a new friend, Adam something. He had been going on for 30 minutes now about how this man single-handedly raised the Pig from the dead. Ronan tuned out most of the conversation, but nodded at what he assumed were appropriate moments while sketching.

“Ronan, are you even paying attention?” Gansey asked, irritation only slightly evident.

“Mmm?” Ronan hummed. “For sure. Pig. Smoke. Some new guy.”

“Essentially. I was saying that Noah and I are heading to his second job, the man works 2 jobs and is getting a masters can you believe it? Anyways Nino’s, so Noah can finally meet him and Blue. Have I mentioned her yet?” 

Blue? He thought. Who the fuck names their kid Blue. “Once or twice.”

“Well they both work this afternoon, so I assume we’ll just hang there until they get off. Then maybe grab a bite. I wish you could come, I’m sure you’d get along nicely with Adam.” Gansey said, choosing to ignore the previous sarcasm and barrell on. Excelsior. 

“Doubt it.” Guy sounds like a douche.

“On that note, thank you for another lovely visit. I’ll see you Monday, Ronan.” Gansey gathered his coat and made his way to the door with a final wave.

Ronan waved back with a single finger and a saccharine “Bye, Dick.” Then shoved his Airpods back into his ears and lost himself in the EMFS playlist.

*****

As Adam gathered the tub of dirty dishes from above the trash and made his way back to wash them, he was lost in thought. These last two weeks, recent events, had been so much and yet he strangely was beginning to feel some semblance of peace. He knew that Blue had wanted him to write letters to help him cope. If he was admitting to it helping, he also needed to be honest with himself in noting that it may have been hurting just as much. He was falling in love with a ghost. A figment of his imagination that he could tell his every secret too, someone who listened without judgment; Someone who never asked more of him than he could handle. It wasn’t healthy, wasn’t what Blue had intended, of that he was sure. But, if it brought him peace and allowed him to sleep without seeing cold, dead eyes, then what was the harm?

He rinsed the mugs and plates loading them efficiently into the dishwasher, and dried his hands. As he moved to toss the towel into the bin, he heard the bell chime above the cafe door. He made his way slowly to the front, knowing that Blue was currently handling the register meant that he didn’t need to rush. On his way down the hallway he stopped to straighten a missing cat flier on the community bulletin board, taking a moment to snap a picture of the cat in question so he could be on the lookout, then continued toward the front; eyes glued to his phone.

He rounded the corner towards the coffee bar to the tune of laughter, it seemed Gansey had arrived. His eyes found Blue first. For all her insistance that she loathed the man in question, she was positively glowing, head tossed back in a hearty laugh. Lost in the bubble of charm Gansey operated in. 

“-And so I asked him, mind you I’ve had a lot to drink at this point, ‘Hey senator, why do you fucking hate poor peo-‘ Oh! Adam” Ganseys story of embarrassing his mother at one of her Republican fundraisers interrupted, as he caught sight of Adam sliding behind the bar.

“Hey Gans,” He smiled. 

“My apologies, this is Noah.” Gansey stepped to the side to reveal the man in question, and Adam’s breath stopped. 

There, eyes blue and wide with shock, mouth agape stood the man from the alley. The one whose scream still haunted Adam in the dark, solitary hours of sleep. The one that began his every nightmare of that night.

He was different now, tears weren’t pouring from his eyes to dance across the plains of his smudgey face. His blonde hair free of blood was slightly tousled, and his clothes were clean, albeit a little disheveled. 

“No,” the word was a broken noise, barely a word at all, closer to a sob. Gansey and Blue looked frantically between the two for what seemed like an eternity before Noah spoke.

“It’s you…” 

“Who? Noah, you know Adam?” Gansey’s voice was quietly confused.

Adam began to shake his head slowly, increasing with speed as his breath finally returned to him; Erratic and wild. Crocodile tears blurred his vision, and he finally croaked a simple question, “What… What was his name?”

“Ronan.”

“Oh, god” Blue breathed. 

Adam ran, desperately fleeing the scene and chorus of his name called from the front. Ronan, his name was Ronan. Adam couldn’t breathe. His pain fresh, an un-mendable wound reopened now that he had a name to grieve. He paused, only long enough to grab his messenger bag from the back, and took the alley door. 

Then he ran, faster than he’d ever remembered running. Tears turning the colors of the world around him to a haunting watercolor. His breath came in painful stabs, each beat of his bleeding heart an excruciating truth.

He somehow made it back to his apartment. The moment the door closed behind him he fell against it and slid to the floor. Ronan Ronan Ronan-

“R-Ronan.” He spoke the name the first time aloud, the feeling of its weight on his tongue was an answer to a question he’d been asking for a month. For a lifetime.

Adam didn’t know how long he sat on the floor, grief taking time and twisting it in on itself. An amalgam of pain, hopelessness, and questions. Gansey, Gansey knew Ronan, knew Noah. Noah the boy he’d last seen carted away in the back of an ambulance covered in red red red. Noah, who’d screamed for help like the world was shattering. Noah, who’d clung tightly to the shredded arms of a bleeding man in a dark alley.

Help me, his mind screamed, his internal voice morphing into Noah’s from that night. 

Help me, I’m not okay…

A key twisting in the lock above his head brought his attention to the present. Adam pushed away from the door, and waited as Blue made her way into his dark apartment. Night had fallen sometime since he’d been here, on the floor, lost in the alley. Lost in a name.

“Hey,” she whispered.

“Th-that was-”

“I know. Noah told us after you left. Adam, there’s… Adam. I need to tell you something.”

It was a concentrated effort to drag his gaze from the space between their bodies on the floor to meet her eyes. Lights from the street poured through the window in the living room, painting Blue’s honey warm skin in a haunting glow. He couldn’t bring himself to ask, so he waited. He watched. She brought a trembling hand to his, her brown eyes lined with silver, she squeezed.

“Adam, he’s alive.” 

A sob born of heartbreak and pain tore from his chest, he couldn’t form words. He broke then, completely and wholly. Blue came to cradle his head against her chest as he cried. Every hope he’d killed since the alley came barreling to the surface; All the pain and confusion, love and questions, beating like waves against the shores of his mind. Some minutes later he finally raised his head and met Blue’s eyes, her smile was wet and broken. He dragged his hand under his nose, across his eyes, and finally found the word to the question he needed to ask. “How?”

So Blue told him. Apparently, him finding Noah and Ronan in that alley, the tourniquet he’d made of his scarf, that extra minute he’d bought him had been enough. The doctors were able to stitch his wounds, and though it had been a close call, he’d pulled through. She explained that he’d had a hard life, though Gansey wouldn’t give details because he insisted those were Ronan’s to share when he was ready. He did however give her basic facts. Ronan Niall Lynch is an artist, a senior at Georgetown. He’s an orphan, and a brother. He’s an addict in recovery at a facility in Arlington, and Gansey’s third roommate. 

Blue explained that, when Adam was ready Gansey and Noah wanted to meet with him, to talk more. She offered to accompany him when that time came, but they all agreed they wouldn’t push him until he was ready. “Thank you,” he’d said to Blue. For getting the information. For telling him. For allowing him space. She understood that his history made this difficult, an addict for a soulmate was something he would need time to process. She eventually asked if he wanted to be alone and when he’d told her “yes” she kissed his forehead, and made her way to the door.

“Adam,” she paused, and he looked up. “We’ll wait on your text okay? Whenever you’re ready. But please check in so I know you’re safe.”

“I will.”

With a perfunctory nod she slid back out the door. 

Adam spent another minute in silence before dragging himself from the floor. He made his way in a daze to his desk and he collapsed into his chair. Slowly, he pulled out a blank sheet of paper. 

His hand shook.

He took a deep breath.

He wrote.

V

Ronan,

You’re alive…

**********************

Art Pieces and their correlating songs (linked):

“The Fall”  The War- SYML

“Chase The Void”  For What It’s Worth- Malia J

#bd au #pynch #pynch fic #Adam Parrish #ronan lynch #ronan x adam #blue sargent #gansey #richard campbell gansey iii #gangsey #soulmate au

[sgtbxckybxrnes]

Captivated || Bucky x Reader

A/N: After a 7 month break I finally found it in me to start writing again. It only took a bajillion discarded fics for this one to emerge. This is for @itsbuckysworld writing challenge!! Thanks babes for the inspo!

Thanks @mindingmyownbusiness for being the bestest beta

Word Count: 3250

Summary: When Y/N takes a job as a lifeguard, she knew there were bound to be cute guys all around. So what is so special about Bucky?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the summer approached and school was coming to an end, you tried to figure out what to do with your summers. You could bum the days away, using money from your savings to pay for the occasional outing, or you could find a job.  After weighing the two choices, getting a job seemed like the smarter decision. After all, working while going to school was a pain in the butt, so you might need to dip into your savings then.

So you set to the task of finding a job, one that you would enjoy. If you were going to work, you at least wanted to enjoy yourself while doing it. As you looked through the listings, one caught your eye, a lifeguard position at a beach not far from your apartment. You applied, and seeing how you had spent your high school years always at the pool- whether you were swimming, diving, or on lifeguard duty, it led to some of your favorite times. And after two interviews and a refresher course, you found yourself at the beach, sitting in your spot looking over the water, a smile on your face.

It was almost July and the beach had a slight increase in the people that were coming so you had been more alert with the smaller kids and the teens that were playing out in the water. As you hopped down from your chair, to stretch your legs, you heard the rumble of a few motorcycles pulling into the parking lot. Looking at the group that just arrived, you felt your cheeks warm at the sight in front of you.

There was of a group of five or six guys, parking their bikes and walking towards the bathroom to change. One by one, they come out, everyone becoming more and more attractive. When the last one came out though, you think your jaw might have dropped. Just a little bit…

Taking the lead of the group, the brunet that had caught your gaze led the group to an empty section near your chair and you watched as they set up their stuff. Knowing that you had to watch everyone else, you forced your attention off the group and began a walk through to make sure everything was going the way it was supposed to.

As the day went on you kept feeling like someone was watching you but every time you looked around, everyone was doing their own thing. Slowly the sun began to set and the beachgoers began to pack up their belongings until there was the group of bikers and a few random couples, wanting to watch the sunset at the beach.

Since there were less people, you were able to wander the beach a bit more, especially since everyone left was in the same section of the beach, so you could walk around and talk with them. You walked back to the chair to finish out your shift.

You were looking at your watch, only a couple more minutes till someone came to take your spot, you were itching to go home so you could curl up with a nice drink and take a bath. Just as you saw your replacement heading towards you, you felt something thud in your lap and looked down to see it was a football.

Looking to your left, you noticed the group of guys smiling apologetically. With a smile, you got out of your seat when the next life guard got there and after a quick goodbye, you ran to the group to give them their ball back, since no one came and got it.

“I’m guessing this ball belong to you guys?” you asked looking at the group behind him when the brunet you had seen earlier began to walk towards you with a soft smile. You felt yourself gasp softly and hopefully quietly as the man in front of you stepped closer.

While he looked damn good admiring him from your seat, he looked even better up close. You could see the way his blue eyes reflected the sunset behind you, and his facial hair that looked like it had been growing for a few days- it made his jawline even sharper.

He met you maybe ten feet away from his friends, where you could still here them laughing at something but the two of you were far enough away from them and close enough to each other that they couldn’t hear you.

“Sorry. Thor here forgets how far he can throw things sometimes. Thanks for returning it-.” He said, taking the ball from your hands, the pause in his statement giving you a good feeling he was asking for your name.

“Y/N. My name is Y/N” you said as you handed the ball off, slowly taking a few steps back towards your car.

“Thanks, Y/N,” he said watching you walk away, “I’m Bucky, by the way” he called out as you turned around to finish walking to your car.

Looking over your shoulder, happy to put a name to the face you waved at him before you unlocked your car and headed home, your night filled with thoughts of the cute biker.

But what you didn’t see as you left was Bucky watching your car till you were out of site and before going back over to his friends, he walked over to the new lifeguard on duty, trying to see what he could find on you, because he could already tell, you were going to be taking up all of his thoughts.

The following week, you were at a small diner that a family friend owned, meaning you had known this place your entire life. With your laptop in front of you as you began to plan your fall class schedule. Since you had put your headphones on, you didn’t take notice to the bell above the door ringing as someone came in and you didn’t realized someone had sat down at your table till you heard them clear their throat.

Looking up, you were startled to be met with a very familiar pair of blue eyes, ones that had haunted your dreams all night and the same ones that had you scanning the beach every shift you worked, hoping to see them.

You did a quick once over, appreciating the way the black jacket sat on his shoulders, the brightest smile you had seen for someone at a dinner that no one knew about.

“Hope you don’t mind if I sit here. I can move if you are too busy though…” Bucky said interrupting your thoughts, a soft smile on his face and you knew that if you asked he really would leave. But luckily, you wanted nothing more than to get to know the guy in front of you.

“No of course. I’d love some company.” You said, closing your laptop and putting it in the bag you had placed next to you on the booth. Your best friend might have killed you if you had given any other answer to that question though you thought to yourself as you looked over to the counter to see her raising her eyebrows towards the two of you. She had heard you talking about him non-stop since that night at the beach and she was ready to pull her hair out.

You don’t know if it was fate or something else, but before you knew it, the afternoon had flown by, you and Bucky spending the next few hours sharing stories and getting to know each other. You were only pulled out of your bubble when Bucky’s phone started going off, pausing the conversation.

After a few minutes on the phone, Bucky hung up and looked at you with an apologetic smile.

“My friends are having a get together and I totally forgot about it.” He said apologetically, grabbing his things he had on the table and putting them in his pocket.

You felt your smile fade, and you couldn’t help but feel sad. It wasn’t like you truly knew the guy though. Of course he would have something better to do with his Friday night than make small talk with you.

“Of course, I didn’t mean to keep you for so long anyway. Maybe I’ll see you around though.” You said with a smile, and with a small nod, Bucky turned around and started heading to the door, when only a few steps later, he turned back towards you.

“Would you possibly want to come with? I know you don’t really know me and you could take your own car if it would make you more comfortable but I’m really enjoying myself and I don’t want to leave you just yet.” Bucky began to ramble, you could tell he was nervous to ask you and your heart warmed at the thought of him wanting to get to know you more.

A laugh from you brought Bucky back to the real world, causing him to stop talking and he gave you a hopeful look.

“I’d love to go, but I walked here since it’s only a mile or so from my apartment. Maybe next time.” You said with a shrug.

“Well if you really do want to come, and you’re comfortable with it, I could give you a ride. Granted I have my bike, and I get it if you don’t want to. I just real-“You cut Bucky off by throwing a pen at him, which somehow he caught.

“Sure Bucky. I can leave my bag with Susie and come get it tomorrow. You’ll just have to drop me back off at my house later.” You said, pretending you didn’t see Bucky do a small fist bump when you grabbed your bag.

Walking over to the counter, you asked Susie to put your bag in the back and when she took it, she told you to have fun and she would text you later to make sure you got home okay. With a final goodbye, you followed Bucky out to the parking lot where he parked his bike and he handed you the helmet he had.

“You have one too, right?” you asked him as you took it from him, inspecting the inside before you put it on, frowning when he shook his head.

“I left my spare at home. I’ll be okay though, it isn’t a long ride and I’ll be careful. I promise.” He said, causing you to roll your eyes, and once you both were settled on the bike, Bucky took off towards wherever this thing was.

You probably should have figured that out now that you think of it. As nice as Bucky seems, he could always be a serial killer. But you truly doubted that.

You focused on your surroundings once more as you smelt the familiar scent of salt water. Looking around, you noticed that you were at your beach. Slightly more comfortable than before, once the bike was parked, you took off the helmet and fixed what you were sure was some crazy helmet hair.

Without thinking, Bucky reached for your hand and you grabbed it, letting him lead you towards the beach where you could see a group sitting around a fire.

Once you guys made it to the group you saw a few looks of recognition and some of curiosity as the two of you guys found a spot open for the both of you.

“Some of you might remember but this is Y/N, she works here.” Bucky introduced you and you saw a few of the share knowing looks before introducing themselves.

There was Steve, Sam, Nat, Wanda, and Thor who was followed by Tony, Clint and Scott. You heard them mention something about a few of them missing but right now you were thankful they were so you could hopefully remember all of their names.

Once introductions were out of the way, Tony had put some music on, the sounds of rock classics filling the air while you got to know the group better, sharing stories.

Sam had just finished telling you a story about a time Bucky had been dared to go to the Library on campus in just a pair of heart decorated briefs, when your phone went off.

You looked down to see a text from your neighbor, asking if you would take their dog for a walk when you could because they wouldn’t be back tonight.

Looking at the time, you figured you should head home anyways, knowing you had errands to run in the morning, you looked over at Bucky, and much to your surprise, he was already gazing down at you.

“I need to get home, would you mind?” you asked him, smiling when he shrugged and stood up, pulling you with him.

“Your company is ten times better than Sammy over there anyways.” He said, and you watched him poke his tongue out at his friend as you bent down to grab your things off the blanket you had been sitting on.

Swatting his chest, the two of you began the walk back to his bike. You hadn’t realize how far down the beach you guys had been sitting until you saw you still had a good bit of walking left. The quiet night surrounded you guys and you could hear the sound of the wave crashing, faint sounds of horns on the water and the night wildlife making its way into the dark.

When the two of you had left the group, Bucky had thrown his arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer to him as you guys walked. But the further you walked, you noticed his arm coming off your shoulder and moving to hold your hand.

He gripped your hand in his, and you looked down to see they fit together like they were meant to be interlocked  and from that point forward you walked hand in hand, occasional comments made as you thought of something but otherwise you guys embraced the silence.

Tonight you realized how amazing Bucky really was. You heard stories of him putting others first from his friends and he constantly made sure you felt welcomed by his group. And Bucky, well he couldn’t stop looking at you. To him, you were the prettiest thing he had ever seen. From the way your eyes lit up when someone mentioned something you loved, or when he noticed the small habits you carried- from the way you ate your food to the way you would make funny faces to imitate something… he didn’t know how he was going to be able to let you leave tonight.

Once you guys made it to his bike, you let go of his hand to take the helmet from him as he handed it to you.

“If you don’t bring a second helmet next time, I won’t ride on your bike again.” You said, pointing to him, as you got onto the bike and wrapped your arms around his torso. Soon his bike roared to life and he took off down the highway headed towards your apartment as you gave him the directions.

You made it back to your apartment in 15 minutes, much to your displeasure. Bucky parked the bike in front of the door, and helped you off the bike. He took the helmet from you once you handed it to him, and he leaned back onto his bike.

“Thanks for not running away as soon as you met my friends.” He said, looking at you with those pretty blues that haunted your dreams. He would never admit it, or at least not right now, but tonight while it was unexpected really meant a lot to him.

And to see you accept his friends so effortlessly and his friends bring you in like you were one of them made him see something. A future, where he had someone who cared about him and his family- no matter how much crap they told you.

“Oh please! Sam gave me some great teasing points.” You said with a dismissal wave.

Truthfully though, you had more fun tonight than the entire time you had spent at college. You hadn’t really found a group of friends where you felt so at home and could say anything you wanted without fear of being judged and there was the plus of getting to know Bucky on that level, which made your heart soar even more every time you looked at him.

While neither of you guys wanted to leave, you knew he was getting tired by the stifled yawns, and you still had to walk your neighbor’s dog. Nothing was said between the two of you as you guys stood there, looking at each other, trying to find the words to say. Trying to figure out how to say how much you really enjoyed tonight.

“Well goodnight, Bucky. See you soon, hopefully.” You said deciding to bite the bullet. You had a gut feeling Bucky might have stood there all night based on the way he was looking at you and as much as you wanted to invite him up, you thought it would be best to take slightly smaller steps than that.

You let go of his hand- that you didn’t even realize you were holding and began walking into your building when you stopped. Bucky watched you with confusion as you turned back towards him and gave him a look. He couldn’t place it, but he liked the way your nose was scrunching as you debated whatever was flying around in your head.

The next few moments seemed like a blur. Next thing he knew, you were back in front of him and you placed a soft kiss on his cheek. With a shy smile, you finally went inside, and Bucky was unable to move for a moment.

How did you manage to sweep him off his feet with only two interactions? What was it about you that made him want to move mountains to hear you laugh? But truthfully, he didn’t care. He knew you were one of a kind the moment he saw you on the beach, when he was setting up the blanket with the boys, he could see you sitting in that chair of yours, the sun reflecting off of you, making it seem like you were glowing. The entire day, he could barely keep his eyes off you, not that he ever met your gaze.

He also might have lied that day. It wasn’t Thor who threw the ball, it was him. And while he was sure one day one of his blabbermouth friends would let it slip, he was glad he threw it because it gave him the courage to talk to you.

He was brought back to reality by a car horn going off. That’s when he looked up to see you peeking out your window, and when you saw him look up, you waved at him and pointed to his hand  and that’s when he looked down to see a piece of paper in his hand.

               I had fun tonight. But maybe next time we could go on a real date.

                               Y/N

                                               xxx-xxx-xxxx

Looking back up he nodded and he saw you bite your lip before waving, shutting the curtains. Shaking his head, he tucked the note into his pocket and got on his bike, knowing he was going to text her as soon as he got home.

 How’d you like it??

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[spartanguard]

something in the water, part 1

Summary: Emma is sent to investigate a supposed sea monster appearance in her hometown. Thankfully, her family there knows her secret: that at night, she transforms into a swan. And she knows that whoever the universe thinks her soulmate is, as dictated by the tattoo on her side, won't be there. Though maybe she was wrong to assume that. And when did a merman start hanging out in the ocean near Storybrooke?

rated M (eventually) | 5.5k | AO3

A/N: Here it finally is—my story for @cssns!! I came up with the idea ages ago but never really found time to write until this event came up. It should be about 7 chapters, but of course I was silly and signed up to post on the first day of band camp, so the next chapter won’t go up until next week, and probably once a week from there on. Hope you like it, and thanks to @kmomof4 for organizing this! I’ll be posting accompanying art as well!

When it came to belief systems, Emma Nolan wasn't what most people would call normal. (Actually, in most regards, she wasn't.)

She didn't place much stock in things like having luck or wishing on stars. Neither had ever really been on her side.

She hadn't quite made up her mind on God (or gods, or goddesses, or whatever). She took care of herself just fine.

The supernatural, though—vampires, zombies, magic, et cetera? There wasn’t much choice when it came to her belief in that, given the way her life had gone and the people she tended to hang out with—even if society as a whole still thought it was all fiction.

But the one thing that everyone believed in—and that Emma remained skeptical on, despite all the proof she'd seen—was soulmates. The idea of a predestined love dictated by some higher being before you were born and only verified by a random, tattoo-like birthmark seemed forced at best and unreliable at worst. It's not like the marks spelled it out—there was plenty of room for interpretation of the symbolism of each soulmark, which also meant plenty of room to have a heart broken.

She had trusted in them, once upon a time, when she met a guy named Neal who’d spent a great deal of his childhood on a ship. The mark splashed across her ribcage made sense with that, and his—of what looked like a feather on his bicep—seemed appropriate for someone like her, and with a secret like hers.

But then he found out what she was hiding, and things got awkward. And then he met Tamara and the feather turned out to be a palm leaf (apparently, that’s what that name means or something). And then things were said—tame things like, “it’s not you, it’s me and my destiny and blah-blah,” and hurtful things like “I couldn’t love someone like you anyways. Who could?”

Which meant Emma was the one left with the broken heart.

So what she’d once thought was a curse actually helped keep her heart safe, and since not everyone had a soulmark, it was easy to pretend she didn’t either.

And like he said, who could love someone like her, anyways?

Actually, she lied; there was one more thing she didn’t believe in, as presented to her by her boss one quiet Thursday afternoon.

“A sea monster? You can’t be serious, Regina.”

“Hey, I didn’t come up with it. I’m just the one who took the call.”

“Well, did you do a sanity check on the caller?”

“I didn’t have to; I know she’s insane. It’s Cruella Feinberg.”

“As in Crazy Cruella from back home? The one obsessed with dogs?” Emma and Regina both hailed from the tiny Maine town of Storybrooke—the definition of quaint. It was really no wonder they’d both escaped to Boston as soon as they could.

“The very one. And while she may have lost touch with reality, her money certainly has not.”

Emma sighed and leaned back in her desk chair. “How much?”

From where she was perched on the corner of Emma’s desk in the office of their bail bonds-slash-private investigation firm, Regina slid a folded up sheet of paper to her. Emma quirked an eyebrow with curiosity; Regina wasn’t typically one to keep things on the down-low like this, unless it was an exceptionally large payout. And this did not seem like the kind of case with one of those; usually, the people who hired them for this kind of situation were broke and/or not mentally sound, so they just played Ghostbuster—convinced the banshee or whatever it was to quit being weird, and charged the client only half of the original amount.  

Emma picked up the slip and opened it. Boy, was she wrong this time. “Holy shit!” She exclaimed at the almost-six-figure sum. “This can’t possibly be real.”

“It is; I made her put up half up front to make sure she wasn’t joking. She did it without batting a heavily lined eye.”

Emma checked her desk calendar—was it April Fools or something? “What’s the catch here? This is too good to be true.”

“No catch. Unless me forcing you to take some paid time off counts.”

She scoffed. “This hardly seems like something to use my vacation time on.”

“It’s not. But it’s a two-week assignment in Storybrooke, and I’m not expecting this to take much effort on your end. Actually, I think it will end up being kind of perfect for you. Plus: you deserve it, Emma.”

She crossed her arms and leaned back in her desk chair, huffing; there was a reason she threw herself into work. It left less time for thinking, or being social, or any of those other things that tended to put Emma outside her comfort zone or onto things she’d rather not focus on.

It had been a while since she’d been home, though, and it might be nice to see her brother and sister-in-law...but it also seemed like she was taking advantage of the situation. “Are you sure, Regina? I know you’ve been busy with the Gold case; don’t you want me to stay and help with that?”

For the past several months, Regina had been investigating the disappearances of various supernatural beings—occasionally, they did get hired on legit cases from within their hidden community—with the most recent being an acquaintance of theirs, Tinkerbell, a fairy. A surprising number of her kind had gone missing, along with a werebear named Merida, a couple vampires, and a jeweler with a Midas-like touch. They had yet to find any solid leads, but all of the cases seemed to have a tie to the mysterious Mr. Gold. Emma had never met him herself, but his reputation alone had her worried for Regina’s safety whenever they met; there was no telling when a witch as gifted with magic as Regina was would be next.

(Having a boss that was also a member of the more mythical side of society—and aware of any potential limitations that might put on one’s available working hours—was certainly a perk to this job on its own, odd cases like the one currently in front of her notwithstanding.)

“I’ve got no leads right now, so there’s not much to help with,” Regina answered with a shrug. “Seriously, go spend some time with your family; have a girls night or two with Ruby; air out your feathers a bit.”

Emma gave a hard side-eye at that last comment—Regina could never resist a good bird reference around her—but she was out of arguments against taking the assignment.

She chewed on her bottom lip a bit before saying, “Promise you’ll call me if you need me back here?”

“Promise,” Regina answered, going so far as to draw an x over her heart with her finger. For Regina, that meant business.

“Then I guess I’m off to Storybrooke.”

After a quick call to her sister-in-law Snow, a fleeting trip to her apartment for some clothes and necessities hastily shoved in a threadbare duffel bag, and a stop at the gas station to fill up the tank of her 1972 yellow VW Bug, Emma was off on the 5-ish-hour drive up the coast. It wasn’t quite tourist season yet, but the snow had melted, so she opted for the slower route that kept her closer to the ocean, enjoying the panoramic views of the Atlantic as she drove.

The sign by the side of the road informing drivers that they were “Now Entering Storybrooke” eventually greeted her warmly as it had so many times before, crisp white on kelly green.

Before heading into town, she detoured down a dirt road to Cruella’s place. The Feinberg mansion was certainly more ostentatious than any other house on the road, towering over the smaller coastal cottages, but wasn’t the ridiculous display of wealth Emma had expected—it was more like an oversized bungalow made of light-colored brick.

Dogs started barking as soon as she rang the doorbell, and a shrill voice called at them to “shut it!” before the door swung open. Cruella looked much the same as she did in Emma’s memory, just with a bit more Botox: dramatic two-toned hair, a zealous amount of dark eyeshadow, and clothes just a touch too revealing.

“Oh, Emma darling, thank you so much for coming! I was thrilled when Regina told me you’d taken the case; none of those city types would ever believe me!” Cruella shouted, pulling Emma into a tight hug despite the fact that they’d hardly ever exchanged more than a few words (and that Emma had totally TP’d her house once with Ruby, but they had never been caught).

“Glad to...help…” Emma stammered, stunned at the contact. She had to take a deep breath once Cruella released her, before continuing, “So, can you tell me anything about what you’ve been seeing?”

“Oh, yes, yes—right this way!” The eccentric older woman turned on a dime and led Emma through her house, past the large painting of her now-dead husband (whose death had only been mildly suspicious), through the kitchen, and out to the massive deck that overlooked a semi-secluded cove.

“I see it almost every night when I’m having a nightcap, but only at night, so I think it’s nocturnal,” Cruella started explaining, gesturing dramatically toward the water. “It seems to be dark-colored, but it’s so hard to tell when there’s only a bit of moonlight.”

Emma wondered how strong those nightcaps were mixed, but continued on with a few more questions: how big was it (“Hmm, bigger than a dolphin, but smaller than a whale—but it has a tail like both of them.”), how long had she been seeing it (“A few months, give or take”), and why she’d hired them to investigate (“Well, I need to know what it is so I can be a hospitable host should it ever come ashore! I’m sure my friends would love to meet it!”).

None of it did anything to convince Emma that Cruella wasn’t still a few olives short of a martini, but she assured the widow that she’d get right on it.

“Let me know if I can help at all, and my property is certainly available to your use. I’m always open to some evening company,” Cruella added as Emma headed out.

“I think I’ll be okay, but thanks,” she answered, kind of quickly. “I’ll be in touch.”

She endured one more too-tight hug before hopping back in her car and starting the drive into town. Something told her it was all just the gin-fueled hallucination of a lonely old lady, but Regina was right—this case would probably work out perfectly for her, whether she found anything or not. She already spent most of her nights on the water; might was well get paid for it.

She’d get back to that later, though; now, it was time to see if the town rumor mill still worked like it used to—or at least to see how many people Snow had told of her arrival. Her old bedroom was already waiting for her, based on the last text she received, but it pretty much always was.

First things first, though: food. She easily navigated the all-too-familiar backroads and side streets that led to the center of town, one of the tiniest and most stereotypical little seaside villages known to man. Finding the diner was second nature, and her Bug looked right at home parked in front of it, almost like she’d never left. She actually recognized most of the cars nearby, but especially the two she’d parked in between; she smirked at knowing what—or rather, who—was likely waiting for her inside.

The same old bell rang against the door as she pulled it open, but was quickly drowned out by a high-pitched yelp—the only warning Emma had before being engulfed in another massive hug, but she was expecting this one. Still, she hadn’t quite braced herself enough.

“Ah, Emma! It’s really you; you’re HERE!” her best friend, Ruby Lucas, was shouting in her ear while proceeding to squeeze the life out of her.

“Let her breathe, Ruby!” a gruff voice barked from behind the counter. Despite the asphyxiation, Emma smiled at how little things ever changed.

“Sorry, sorry!” Ruby apologized as she let go; she always forgot her own strength, and now that Emma was free, she could see Granny behind them, hands on her hips and shaking her head at her granddaughter’s energy. “You know how I get around the full moon,” Ruby added quietly.

“It’s fine,” Emma assured her, even though her voice was slightly strained. Despite her friend’s lithe form, few would guess that both she and her grandmother were members of the local pack of apex predators: werewolves.

(To say Emma had grown up around the supernatural was an understatement. Maybe that was why the two of them got on so well, even if they probably shouldn’t have.)

“But once that’s past, we HAVE to have a girls’ night, okay?” she continued, gushing and taking Emma’s hands in hers. “Oh, I’m just so glad you’re here!”

“Ruby, I’m not paying ya to block the door from the paying customers!” Granny shouted before Emma could reply.

“Granny, we both know you won’t let me pay,” Emma threw back, teasing.

“Well, maybe this is the day I do!” The old lady was known for her fierce temper and penchant for orneriness; but just like any she-wolf, she was also fiercely protective of those in her pack, both the ones who actually were and the ones she’d decided were.

Emma and Ruby both just rolled their eyes, still holding hands in the entryway, when she heard the clearing of a familiar voice.

“Ruby, are you trying to hog my sister?” David, ever the big brother, was standing there with his arms crossed, trying to give a stern look that they all knew was forced.

“Yup,” Ruby threw back without missing a beat. “I’m taking her home and locking her in my house, so she’ll be all mine!”

“That’s creepy, Rubes,” Emma protested, but David spoke over her.

“Oh? And what would your new girlfriend say about that?”

Emma’s jaw dropped and Ruby looked ironically sheepish. “Ruby! You didn’t tell me!” Emma scolded, lightly shoving her friend’s shoulder.

“I was getting there…” she answered. “It’s not the sort of thing you say over text!”

Emma was going to challenge that, but Granny cut them all off. “Ruby! Let that poor girl sit down and make her some food!”

“I’ll tell you later,” she said quickly, then dashed to the kitchen in her impractical red high heels.

“Aha, my plan worked; I have you all to myself!” David proclaimed, tugging Emma into a headlock.

“Seriously?” Emma complained, though it was muffled by her brother’s ridiculously muscled arm, covered as always in plaid flannel (today, it was blue; she was pretty sure he owned the full spectrum). “Aren’t we too old for this?”

“Never!” he answered, and started tugging her farther into the diner. “Come on, there’s someone I want you to meet.”

“You’re gonna have to let go of me, you know.”

“Nah.”

She could at least tell that they were near the end of the counter, where she and David almost always sat. She still couldn’t see a damn thing and the way David was pulling her was starting to put a strain in her side, but he didn’t seem to care.

“Emma, meet Killian; he’s new in town. Killian, this is my sister, Emma.”

Blindly, Emma held out her hand, hoping the yet-to-be-seen stranger would take it. “Nice to meet you!” she called out from the confines of her brother’s grip.

Moments later, warm, rough fingers lightly gripped hers, followed by the sound of a sinfully accented voice. “The pleasure is all mine, milady.” And then she felt soft lips on the back of her hand.

Holy crap, who was this guy? Did David tear him out of a Jane Austen novel or something? Granted, that wasn’t a power she was aware of anyone wielding, let alone her brother, but damn.

(Another question would be, “why do you even care about a guy you haven’t even seen?”, but Emma was really too stunned by their thus-far incredibly brief interaction to give that much thought.)

Enough was enough; she couldn’t breathe and David’s shirt smelled like the vet office he worked in. And she was also kind of super curious to see what this guy looked like.

Thankfully, David didn’t put up a fight when she pulled his arms off of her, and only whined a little bit when she smacked him in the chest. Then she turned to this Killian guy, and it was like time stood still.

Killian was easily the most beautiful man she'd ever seen. High cheekbones and long, thick lashes framed the bluest eyes she'd encountered, and gingery scruff canvassed a jaw chiseled from stone; a dark thatch of chest hair teased from the unbuttoned vee of a shirt just tight enough that little was hidden of his built upper body; and tousled dark hair hung artfully in his face while his perfect full lips smirked at her, cutting a dimple into his cheek.  

The only thing she could think was that there was no way someone so attractive was human. (But she found herself eagerly hoping he was.)

“Emma; earth to Emma.” Suddenly, a hand was being waved in front of her face, pulling her out of her gaping—oh, crap, she was actually, full-on open-mouthed gaping at Killian. David was chuckling as she slammed her mouth shut, and she could feel heat rising on her cheeks, making them as bright red as the streaks in Ruby’s hair.

“I think she likes you,” David whisper-yelled to Killian as he took a seat next to him on the last stool.

“I tend to have that effect on people,” Killian answered in the same manner, throwing a poor excuse for a wink her way (but it still made her blush even harder).

Wait—what the hell was going on? She never got her feathers ruffled by a pretty face like this, and David never encouraged it. Regardless of her reaction, this was a setup if she ever saw one, and she wasn’t going to take the bait.

Trying to look cool (and probably failing but whatever), she brushed her hair behind her ears, smoothed her red leather jacket, and slid onto the empty stool next to Killian’s. “So, how the hell did you end up in Storybrooke? There really isn’t much here.”

“Well, there was a job,” he started, with a shrug and a chuckle—a deep, light thing that vibrated through her; she shivered involuntarily. “England didn’t have anything for me anymore and...this seemed like the place to start anew.” His smile didn’t fade, but his eyes softened a bit; she could tell that there was more to it than that, but she was the last person (or whatever she was) on earth to pry. So she kept it light.

“Really? You came here to start over? The US has so many problems right now.”

“So does the UK. Brexit and all.”

“Trump, though.”

“True. You might have that one.”

She was about to ask about his job (and was a little surprised at how quickly they fell into banter) when Ruby was in front of her, with her usual order and a wolfish grin.

“Don’t mind me; just dropping this off and I’ll get out of your feathers.” She cast a glance over at Killian, licked her lips at Emma, and then slunk away nearly as quickly as she’d shown up.

Emma just shook her head; seriously? Five minutes in town and everyone was already shipping her and the new guy? It was almost painful, but then again, that was Storybrooke.

Actually, something was kind of painful—her side. After her first (delicious) bite of grilled cheese, she set it down to stretch out, holding her arm over her head as she did.

“Are you taking up ballet now?” David teased. “Trying to learn some grace, finally?” Sometimes, he was such a big brother.

“Ha ha. No. We both know that's not possible,” Emma scoffed back. It really was ironic how clumsy she was, all things considered, but she didn’t think that had anything to do with this. “I think you pulled one of my muscles when you decided to drag me halfway across the diner. Thanks,” she deadpanned, then turned to Killian. “Sorry that you’re caught in the middle of this.”

He waved it off. “I had a brother; I know what it’s like.”

She didn’t linger on the fact that he used past tense, but still asked, “Was he as much of a ridiculous jerk as this guy?”

“Probably worse.”

The three of them fell into a combination of teasing and actual conversation over their meals. They discussed the differences between where he’d lived on the English coast and life here on the other side of the Atlantic. He explained that the proximity to the ocean was part of what drew him to their quiet little seaside town. For a moment, the mention of the sea sent up some Neal-related red flags, but then the conversation drifted into books and she forgot about it. That was his job—he’d taken the assistant librarian position in town, and was training to run things while the head librarian, Belle, went on a sabbatical to travel. And she catalogued the impressed, almost aroused way he arched an eyebrow when he found out she was a bounty hunter.

“You certainly strike me as a tough lass,” he observed, smirking wryly. “Remind me not to cross you.”

“Don’t skip your bail and we’ll be fine,” she teased back. “I’d hate to have to press that pretty face against the wall as I’m cuffing you.” She immediately blushed; she only ever flirted like that when she actually was trying to nab a skip—it had been years since she meant it.

He grinned, a devilish thing. “If you want to get close to me, you only have to ask. No need to use a hypothetical crime as an excuse.”

“Guys, I’m right here,” David protested, but his immediate smirk in Ruby’s direction told her that he really didn’t mind that much. (And honestly, it was kind of payback for all the sickeningly sweet scenes she’d been forced to witness between him and Snow over the years.)

Despite her embarrassment, she couldn’t hold back the smile that took over her features. She attempted to hide it in her last onion ring, but caught Ruby grinning at her from the kitchen. So she hid behind a napkin instead, clearing her face of any potential crumbs and—wait, why did she care? It wasn’t like she was looking to date him or anything….right?

Oh, but it was so fun flirting with him.

He’d returned his focus to the few remaining fries on his plate (“chips,” he called them), and she noticed his brow furrow as he rubbed at his chest.

“Oh, I should have warned you; Granny’s will give you heartburn if you’re not careful.”

“I heard that!” Granny shouted from the far back of the kitchen; of course she did, wolf hearing and all.

He chuckled. “I’ll remember that next time.” The weight of “next time” hung over them as they shared somewhat coy half-smiles; normally, she’d refute anything further, but something told her she couldn’t avoid Killian if she tried.

Just when she’d worked up the nerve to give Killian her number—even though something told her David had already put it in his phone—said older, annoying brother broke the moment. “Killian, don’t you have to get back to work?”

His eyes grew wide and flashed to the clock on the wall. “Oh, bloody hell, yeah,” he cursed, jumping up off the stool. He tugged some cash out of his back pocket (which Emma couldn’t help but watch; it turned out that he had an incredibly attractive back pocket), threw it on the counter, and grabbed a black leather jacket from where it had fallen on the floor.

“It truly was a pleasure, Emma,” he said as he slipped it on, giving her a genuine smile. “Until next time.”

“You too,” she replied, almost breathlessly, and then watched as he said “Later, mate,” to Dave and headed out the door. (She may have once again taken the opportunity to admire his back pockets, and everything they held.)

Once he was gone, she swiveled around on her stool to glare at David. “What the hell was that?” she demanded, but David answered by taking a massive bite of his tuna melt and studying the ceiling tiles.

She knew this game, though, and continued to stare at him while she munched on her onion rings. No way was he getting out of this conversation.

Dramatically, he swallowed and then feigned looking at his watch. “Oh, man, the time. That’s my lunch break; I better—”

“You better explain why you were simultaneously trying to set me up,” she commanded, putting her hand on his shoulder to keep him in place, and then added with a confused tilt of her head, “but also not?”

“You noticed that, huh?” he replied, scratching the back of his neck self-consciously.

“Did you honestly think I wouldn’t?”

“Think, no; hope—maybe?”

She just shook her head. “God, you sound just like—”

“Emma!” Speak of the devil, there she was; the shout of her name pulled her attention to the door, where David’s wife Snow had just arrived. Although, there was absolutely nothing satanic about Snow—in fact, she was quite the opposite: in addition to her pure-sounding name (her parents were definitely hippies), she practically exuded rainbows, unicorns, and all things angelic. (As far as Emma knew, she wasn’t actually an angel, but she wouldn’t be surprised to be proven wrong.)

Even the sun behind her made a halo in Snow’s pixie-cut hair as she practically ran across the diner. “Ah, I’m so glad you made it!” she basically shouted in Emma’s ear as she attacked her with a hug. “You’re supposed to text me these things, you know?”

“Yes, I know, Mom,” she answered, putting emphasis on the title; Snow might be her sister-in-law, but half the time, she acted more like a parent. But a parent you could get drunk with. “I was going to, but I went to Cruella’s first to find out about the job, and then got distracted here by a couple of fledgling matchmakers.”

Snow pulled back wearing a look of recognition, and turned to David. “Oh, was Killian here?”

“Ugh, I should have known you were in on it, too,” Emma grumbled, leaning back against the counter. “I expect this from you; but now you’re dragging David into it?”

“It was his idea!” Snow protested.

“Seriously?” Emma complained, and both ladies turned to him, but he was once again conveniently too interested in his meal to answer.

So Snow launched into an explanation. “A few weeks ago, he said, and I quote, ‘Don’t you think Emma and Killian would make a cute couple?’ I told him that neither of you would really appreciate being set up, but agreed that I could totally see it.  And several times since then, he’s said he can’t wait for your next visit so he can introduce you two and, again, I quote, ‘watch the sparks fly’.”

David choked down his sandwich to throw back at Snow, “Okay, but you’re the one who said they’d have pretty babies.”

Now Snow was the one acting embarrassed. “It was just a hypothetical!”

Ruby was surreptitiously taking away her empty plate, but Emma always had a sixth sense where she was concerned, probably because of Ruby’s predator status. “And what’s your excuse?” she enquired.

“I just think you need to get laid, and Killian is sex on legs, so you better effing tap that.” She didn’t even bat an eye, giving her confident response and then taking the dishes back to the kitchen.

“You guys, seriously,” Emma whined, physically facepalming. She knew they meant well and just wanted to see her happy with someone. But they also all knew why she wasn’t keen on that idea, given what had happened with Neal. At least no one had brought up the “S” word; soulmates were a big deal to Snow, since she and David were, but she’d long since stopped trying to sign Emma up for a soulmate-finder service.

(She’d never admit it, but sometimes, when she watched her brother and sister-in-law’s relationship and thought of their matching marks—his a snowflake, hers a shepherd’s crook—she did truly long for the kind of companionship and support that they gave each other.

But then Neal’s words—Who could love someone like you?—would trickle back in, and she’d quickly give up that line of thinking.)

Her complaints apparently didn’t stop Snow from whispering to Dave, “So, how did it go?”

“Answer that and die,” Emma interrupted, still holding her face in her hand.

She could almost hear Snow’s grin. “That’s all the answer I need, I think.” Emma just groaned and pushed herself off the counter to standing.

“Well, I’m gonna head out before you start wasting your time planning a wedding that will never happen.” Snow looked like she was about to protest, so Emma cut her off. “I’ve gotta do some reconnaissance for my job, but then I’ll be back at your place by dinner, okay?”

“Okay,” Snow conceded, sounding almost defeated. Emma hated doing that to her but her friend had an overactive imagination; it was always best to put a stop to things before her dreams regarding Emma’s love life got out of hand.

“Alright; see you later.”

Later that evening, Emma was curled up on the bed in her childhood room. David had inherited the house and the sheep farm that they grew up on after his mother (and Emma’s adoptive mother) passed away, so she always had a place when she came to Storybrooke. Despite what it may have seemed based on the warm reception earlier, she did actually make it home fairly regularly; this trip was just a bit out of her typical once-every-few-months schedule.

After figuring out where she’d best be able to do surveillance out by Cruella’s—in other words, where she could park near the water and not get noticed or caught in the tide—she’d headed back here for dinner and some Netflixing before they all went to bed. Emma wasn’t all that tired yet, though, so she was reading an old, worn out collection of fairy tales. Even if her life would never be one, she always enjoyed the stories and guessing at which ones were real. Though with this specific book—by Hans Christian Anderson—she’d never been able to decide.

The alarm on her phone went off at 10:50, startling her from her reading (and her musings on just how much of her life resembled The Ugly Duckling). The familiar tune of Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake played out of the tiny iPhone speaker, letting her know, like it always did, that she had 10 minutes to figure things out. A quick glance at her weather app told her it was supposed to be a dry, if cool, night; but she’d be fine out there.

Quietly, she headed outside and down the well-worn path to the pond on the farm. Her phone read 10:55, so she walked a bit quicker to get there on time.

An ancient-looking but incredibly solid dock jutted out into the pond, and at the end, a less-old but still worn box was built in. Emma’s footsteps thudded as she hurried to it, and she flipped open the makeshift cabinet. As quickly as she could, she pulled off everything she wore (eternally grateful for the relative privacy of the farm) and threw it in, dropping her phone on top of the pile. 10:59.

She’d just closed the lid and stood up straight when she felt it: the familiar tingle that started in her spine and spread. In the near-full moon, the merman-shaped mark on her right side stood in stark contrast to her pale skin. Her hand pressed down on it; she never really paid it much thought nowadays, but it was odd that the muscle she’d strained earlier was directly beneath it.

The tingling feeling intensified, just like it did every night; by now, she had this whole thing down exactly.

Her lone graceful move was this: she raised her arms overhead as feathers covered her skin and flowed down from her limbs to make wings. Then, she took a running leap off the end of the dock, gliding on those wings for a brief moment as her neck lengthened, her legs shortened, her nose and mouth became a beak, and her whole body rearranged itself.

When it was done and that tingling feeling stopped, she smoothly landed on the surface of the water—as a swan.

Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for more, and let me know what you thought! Tagging some friends who might like it: @kat2609 @thesschesthair @optomisticgirl @fergus80 @xpumpkindumplingx @shipsxahoy @selfie-wench @mryddinwilt @cocohook38 @annytecture @wingedlioness @stubble-sandwich​ @fairytalesandtimetravel @word-bug @pirateherokillian @bleebug @its-imperator-furiosa @queen-mabs-revenge @flipperbrain @laschatzi @ive-always-been-a-pirate @jscoutfinch @nfbagelperson @lenfaz @phiralovesloki @athenascarlet @ilovemesomekillianjones @whimsicallyenchantedrose @snowbellewells @jackieorioncat

#cs ff #cssns #cs soulmates au #swan!emma #something in the water #my ff

[dr-gloom]

Coffee Date?

Part 1  Part 2  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6  Part 7  Part 8  Part 9

Part 3 is here! I had an idea for it but atm it’s not getting me anywhere, so I’m going on this new tangent

Whiiiiich means there may be a future part that takes place between parts 2 and 3 and I am soooo sorry. Of course, I could just leave it out and the story would be fine. I’m taking too much space for this.... just.... if I can write it out, I will, if I can’t, the story won’t suffer for it.

This one is going to start rather slow to some (most) people; it’s Virgil and Roman’s first meeting.

Fandom: Sanders’ Sides

Pairings: the platonic friendly kind

Warnings/Tags: Feelings of depression, Human AU, anxiety, anxiety attack, mentions of abuse, past abusive relationship

Read it on AO3

fic masterlist

like what I do? buy me a coffee or GoFundMe

Virgil spent a lot of time on his own now. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Patton or Logan, in fact they were practically family (Pat more-so than Logan, whom he’d only met a couple years ago through Patton), so he loved them dearly. It was just... having someone around all the time was overwhelming, sometimes. Patton was almost always home when Virgil was awake (he’d be the first to admit his sleeping schedule was... horrendous), and when he wasn’t Logan was usually there. Virgil could cut off his thumb and still count on that one hand the number of times he’s been completely alone in Patton’s- in their apartment. 

Logan didn’t live there, per se. He had his own place, but he spent most of his time outside of work at Patton’s and Virgil’s apartment. Virgil is pretty sure Logan has a crush on Patton, but Patton hasn’t said anything so he figures it’s not his business anyways. So he’d decided to give them some time to themselves and dipped out of the apartment shortly after Logan stopped in. Currently, he was just wandering aimlessly through town; he didn’t care if he got lost. He... didn’t care about a lot of things, anymore. He’d never tell Patton that, though. His friend would be heartbroken to hear that he didn’t care of he lived or died. After everything Patton’s done for him, he couldn’t hurt him like that. Virgil stopped in front of a small coffee shop and went inside. 

The interior is plenty cozy, with warm redwood furniture and soft creme-colored walls. Virgil glances around for a moment before walking up to the counter, glancing at the sunny employee’s smile before looking down at his chest. He didn’t know how to feel about people smiling at him. “Hello there, dark prince. What will you be having this fine afternoon?” Virgil raises an eyebrow at the nickname and looks over the menu before muttering, “Can... Can I uh... hot chocolate?” The employee - Roman, if his name tag is correct - smiles and nods, grabbing the biggest size and writing Virgil’s order. “Will that be all?” Virgil nods. “Alright, your total is $3.37.” Virgil takes a five out of his pocket and hands it over, telling Roman “Keep the change.” before sitting in the furthest, most isolated corner of the coffee shop. Virgil pulls out his phone, quickly exiting out of his texting history without looking and pulling up Tumblr. While he waits, Virgil scrolls through his dash and reblogs/likes whatever he finds funny. After a few minutes of this, a coffee cup is set in front of him and Virgil looks up to see Roman smiling kindly down at him holding his own coffee cup. 

“I’m starting my break right now. Would you mind me joining you?” Virgil shakes his head and tries his best attempt at a smile before picking up his cup and sipping at his hot chocolate. That’s some good shit. Virgil goes back to his phone, ignoring Roman. 

Roman, apparently, has other plans because he tries to strike up a conversation. “Soooo. You never told me your name. You know, that’s usually the custom in coffee shops.” Virgil raises an eyebrow and looks around. “Well, I think it’s accurate to assume that out of a clientele of... 7 people, you could find my face.” Out of curiosity, he looks at what Roman wrote on his cup.

Tall, Dark, and Handsome

Virgil instantly feels his face heat up. He sets the cup down a little too quickly and stuffs his hands in his lap. Roman grins. “So, can I have the name of the prince of my dreams, tonight?” Virgil looks up at Roman, making eye contact for the first time since he’s walked in. “I- I uh-” He wasn’t sure how he felt about all of this, but he didn’t think it was good. Roman leans in with a soft smirk, and Virgil leans back. 

“Or maybe you could tell me over dinner tonight?” He reaches over and takes Virgil’s hand, kissing his knuckles. Virgil shudders and pulls his hand back, feeling sick. “I really-” 

“Or perhaps you need to think on it? That’s alright, take all the time you need.” Virgil’s eyes dart around the small shop. Including the other employees, there were ten other people in the building right now. Ten people to witness if Virgil flipped out and made a scene. Ten people to watch this practical stranger get angry with him because he can’t even turn someone down right. He can still feel Roman’s lips pressed against his hand and it’s making his breathing come out a little funny. He brings a hand up to his chest; has his heart always beat this fast? He looks up at Roman to see the other staring at him. Oh god, he was already making a scene, he was being a nuisance. He clenches his fists in his lap and stares at his knees, shaking slightly, sinking into his bulky black hoodie. 

Roman smiled as a gothic cutie walked in, looking around before coming up to the counter. Roman couldn’t help the little nickname that slipped out as he asked what Virgil wanted, and he wrote the order on the cup before taking the money with a grin. It wasn’t until said cutie was gone that he realized he forgot to get his name. He hums in thought before writing Tall, Dark, and Handsome in sharpie. He briefly debated adding a small heart, or his number, but decided to play it safe and just made the man’s hot chocolate. When he brought it to him, Roman was practically vibrating with nerves as he asked to join. Truthfully, he had actually just clocked out for the day, but cute boys were much more receptive when you were only going to be around for fifteen minutes, not indefinitely. 

When he asked for Dark Angel’s name and got that snarky response about how empty the coffee shop was, he had to hide a laugh behind his hand. When the stranger looked at the cup and turned red, Roman internally cheered. He’s totally into me! He called the other the prince of his dreams. Smooth. When they made eye contact and Roman looked into those beautiful eyes, he couldn’t help but suggest dinner. He was a romantic at heart, this was his... semi-grand gesture. He kissed Dark and Stormy’s hand, feeling suave as hell, until cutie pulls his hand back. He backtracks; don’t want to come on too strong now, Roman. Then he’s looking around, and Roman can see him starting to freak out, and oh god he really screwed this one up didn’t he? 

“I’m really sorry, did I read this wrong? If you’re not into guys you can say so, I’m sorry I overstepped. Are you alright?” 

Virgil barely heard what Roman said, his heart beating loudly in his ears. He stood on slightly shaky legs, stuttering out an excuse to leave as he grabbed his phone and the cup and started heading for the door. He made it outside but didn’t stop, blindly turning and walking down the sidewalk. Was he heading to Patton’s, or away from it? He didn’t care, he just wanted to be away from that coffee place. A hand grabs his shoulder and he spins around; if not for the panic gripping his throat he would have screamed. 

Roman stands before him, face the picture of concern and guilt, hands fidgeting in front of him like he doesn’t know what to do with them. After a moment of silence, he speaks up. “I swear I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable and I’m so sorry for whatever I said and did that made it seem like I had ill intentions. Can... Can I make it up to you? We can go wherever you like, any public place with plenty of witnesses even, and we can just chat. I’d like to be your friend, if that’s okay.” Virgil looks at Roman, studying his face for signs of a lie. But you could never spot them on D-. Virgil nods slowly, shoving his hands deep in his hoodie pockets to hide their trembling. “Yeah... Okay. Let’s go to the park.” Virgil looks around, then turns and starts heading for the park. He hasn’t been over there yet, but he’s seen it when he goes to the store with Patton - they pass right by it. 

He can feel Roman following behind a couple steps back, and he can also feel the waves of guilt and anxiety coming off of him. Maybe Roman wasn’t such a bad guy after all? Maybe Virgil really did just misunderstand him? They reach the park after a few silent minutes of walking and Virgil plops down on the nearest park bench with a small sigh. Roman sits beside him, leaving a good six inches between them, and the two silently people watch.

It seems like hours before Roman finally gathers the courage to open his mouth. “So... If you don’t mind me asking, and if you don’t mind telling a virtual stranger, what happened?” Virgil doesn’t bother asking what he means; he already knows. He sighs slowly, leaning his elbows on his knees and looking at the concrete between his feet. 

“I met Dee back in our Junior year of high school. He had just moved here from like, Texas, I think? So he had no friends. We became close pretty fast, along with my childhood friend Patton.” Virgil rubs his chin with his index finger as he thinks. “He asked me out to Junior prom. Before then, we’d both known we liked the other but were dancing around it. Prom was our first date, I guess.” He has no idea why he’s telling Roman all of this, but he feels like he can trust him. “We started dating after that. He was... a great boyfriend, the best really. So kind and considerate, wanted to protect the people he cared about... When we graduated, he asked me to move in with him, which I did. He went to school and I stayed home. He said if I got a job he’d never get to see me, so I didn’t. He apparently had enough money from his parents that we didn’t have to worry about stuff like rent. 

“When he got closer to finally graduating, I think the stress began to get to him. He started becoming more snappy, he was easily angered, and he didn’t smile or joke as much anymore. By the time he’d finally gotten his degree, he was almost a completely different person.” Virgil closes his eyes briefly. “He wanted me to ask permission before I did anything without him, he didn’t want me going to see certain friends, and even the ones he liked I had to ask about first. He... He’d come home from a bad day at work and. And he’d hit me.” Virgil opens his eyes when a gentle hand settles on his shoulder. “He’d started to do it when I messed something up, or if I argued with him. When I did something without asking. A- a few months ago-...” His voice breaks and he has to take a deep breath before continuing. “A few months ago, he raped me for the first time.” 

This is the first time he’s said it out loud, and the words bring tears to his eyes. “H-he said if I loved him, I’d do this for him, and- and I did, I do, y’know?” He scoffs derisively. “God, how fucked am- am I that I still love him. He hurt me over and over and left me to rot and I still... I miss him.” Roman is silent for a long moment, letting Virgil compose himself before speaking up. “No you don’t.” At the quizzical look Virgil shoots him, he elaborates. “You were used to a certain... way of living. An expectation for how your day, or maybe the rest of your life, would go. Now that he’s not in your life... That expectation is gone. You don’t miss him, you miss the expectation.” He hums and sits back. “Well, maybe you miss him, but I’m sure it’s the old him you miss. That man has been gone for a long time; have you mourned him, yet?”

Virgil looks at Roman, blown away by how the man who’d been goofily hitting on him not even an hour ago was now speaking with such... wisdom. He shakes his head, and Roman nods. “You should. You’ll feel better.” Virgil bites his lip.

“Virgil.” 

Roman looks over at him. “What?” 

“My name’s Virgil.” 

He smiles. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Virgil.”

Virgil hesitates before walking through the front door, trying to relax. It’d be fine. Patton always said the more the merrier, right? As soon as the door shut behind him, he was being nearly bowled over by Patton running over and pulling him into a hug. “Oh my god, kiddo! You had me so worried! Where have you been? Are you okay?” Virgil felt a ball of guilt settle in his stomach and gently hugged Patton back. “Pat, I told you I was going out today, you didn’t have to worry.”

“But you were gone for so long!”

“Patton, we have been over this. Virgil is an adult, he can take care of himself just fine.” Logan comes wandering out of the kitchen, standing a couple feet back from the other two still by the door. Virgil gives him a small wave that he returns. “So, how was your outing?” Virgil swallowed nervously. Here goes. “Pretty good... I even made a friend.” Patton gasps and pulls back, holding Virgil at arm’s length. Patton was the only person Virgil would ever let touch him this much, but right now he really wished he’d stop. “That’s great kiddo! Who are they?” Virgil picks at his cuticles. “Well... his name’s Roman.” 

“Roman?”

“Yeah...”

“And how old is this Roman?” Uh oh. Dad voice. 

“He’s the same age as us, Pat.” Virgil looks from Patton to Logan then back again.

“And you just met him today.” Virgil looks at the carpet. “....Yes.”

“Virge, you know I love you, and trust you with my life, but how well do you really know this guy?”

“Well enough that I told him about Dee.” 

That makes the room go silent, and Virgil pushes on before he loses his nerve. “And we’ve been talking all day and getting to know each other. I actually uh... invited him over... for dinner...?” Patton blinks, trying to fight back a smile. “Really.” 

“Yeah...” 

“Well, where is he then?” Logan takes a step forward. Virgil nods and opens the front door, leaning out into the hallway and calling out. “Hey dude you can come in, they won’t kill you.” Patton opens his mouth to say something when Roman walks into the room and Logan of all people cuts him off. 

“Roman Prince?”

“Logan Barry?”

Patton and Virgil share a confused look. “You know him, Lo?”

Logan nods, still staring at Roman slightly wide-eyed. “He was my college roommate.” 

A grin almost instantly splits Patton’s face. “Well! The more the merrier!” Virgil would bring up the fact that Patton just decided to trust Logan and not him, but honestly he’s just glad this worked out okay. 

“So, what’s for dinner tonight, Padre?” Virgil snrks at the nickname and Patton positively beams.

“Pasta!” 

A/N: Well this one definitely did not write itself.

I blame this on the fact that I waited until midnight to start on it and I’m tired. 

I realize I’m giving you all these little hope nuggets when you already know what’s going to happen, and honestly I’m not sorry at all, I’m horrible.

Hopefully this is okay!

Taglist:  @metaphoricalpluto2 @bunny222

#depression #patton sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fanfic #anxiety #anxiety attack #mentions of abuse #past abusive relationship

[wanna1things]

Soulmate!Park Woojin

haha i lov him my first born son, my illness friend, my bab

Genre;; fluff + uhh college!au,, soulmate!au, musical...theatre!au??, graduation!au at the end?????? is that a thing really i don’t knoww

Warnings;; mentioning of like an alternative version of park woojin’s dark past,, that damn dark past…. I had to warn you

Pairing;; Park Woojin x reader

Requested;; no ho ho ho i’m writing this so this account doesn’t die ++ this is also kind of for the anon who asked me to make the soulmate thing into a series sorry i never replied lol but im in a park woojin mood so woojin comes next

Soulmate AU Type;; soulmates experience the same illnesses at the same time until they get in a relationship together (?? is that the right way to put it idk) + soulmates are confirmed by a flash of light when you touch for the first time after you start dating

Summary;; Your best friend Woojin is alway sick when you are sick. You brush it off as being because you spend pretty much every second of every day with him, but maybe it’s something more...

Style;; bullet point

Word Count;; 1796

Also in this series;; Daniel | Jihoon  | Jinyoung | Minhyun

don’t tell anyone the idea from this came from this amazingly fun fact;; woojin is 2 months and 27 days younger than me AND he got shingles EXACTLY the same time in his lifetime as me; so 2 months and 27 days after me; so he is my illness amigo

you and woojin basically grew up together

from the moment his family moved in next door to you you’ve been best friends

i mean the friendship started in a very… different way

you used to hear him singing and dancing in his backyard

and you sang back at the top of your lungs in a desperate attempt to start a conversation lol

when you were in middle school you two used to write your own little musicals and perform them for your families

they weren’t particularly uhh technical?? but they were adorable and your families loved it

there’s so many embarrassing videos of those musicals dfjshdf

when you and woojin both caught chickenpox at the exact same time and were confined to your homes

both of your parents winked at each other

they had the idea that y’all were soulmates because duh that’s how soulmates work

as middle school and high school went on you both always had colds at the same time, you got appendicitis within days of each other and you both had your tonsils out on consecutive days

you brushed it off as it just being a coincidence because ;; well;; you were together 24/7 of course you’d get sick at the exact same times you basically had the same germs

you both got closer and closer until you were pretty much inseparable, people either assumed you were dating or that you were brother and sister tbh you two always used to say you were twins to fool people lol

nobody ever really fell for it though

in your last year of high school, both you and woojin started to date people

most of your other friends had all found their soulmates and honestly

as much as you loved being with woojin you were pretty sure you both needed to start having a look for your soulmates

every time you saw woojin with his girlfriend, something ached in your heart that you couldn’t put your finger on

you just chalked it up to you being a bit jealous that you couldn’t be around your best friend as much, nothing more

little did you know woojin felt the same whenever he saw you with your boyfriends

he knew exactly what it was though, he’d had a crush on you since like;; lol middle school

maybe even since he heard that terrible singing response

but he thought you obviously didn’t reciprocate this since you wanted to look for your soulmate so he just;; did the same as you

and there was like a one in 7 billion chance that y’all would be soulmates anyway, so he looked for his own

but he’d never keep a girlfriend for too long, either because they noticed how he only had eyes for you or woojin just felt bad leading them on

you two still spent time together though

every week you made time for a movie night and sleepover

you’d just turn up in each other’s houses, basically addressing each other’s parents as mum and dad too

your parents could both see there were some unspoken feelings between you two but they just let you sort it out between yourselves

when you started to apply for colleges you made sure to apply to the same ones, or ones close to each other

both you and woojin wanted to major in music/dance and drama

which everyone thought was adorable because of y’know those musicals

but both of you still tried your hardest to forget that

SPOILER ALERT

you both got accepted on the same course at the same prestigious performing arts college

you stayed best friends the whole way through college, taking the same classes the whole way through

also since you went to college there was some sort of unwritten agreement not to date people?? like you couldn’t explain it but you didn’t really want to search for your soulmate anymore (you don’t NEED to search he right here!!!)

halfway through your course your college did a rendition of romeo and juliet

OF COURSE you and woojin went for romeo and juliet i mean (cliche) OF COURSE you both get it too

aaaaaaaaaaah you both conveniently forgot about the kissing scenes

but being actors who must rise above™ you both just agree to deal with the kiss

UMMMM sike you totally did not deal with the kiss

that night you literally fell over just thinking about kissing woojin

did i forget to mention that since the middle of the last year of high school you realised god

you have a bIG crush on mr park

big is an understatement actually gosh

just the thought of kissing your crush made your heart rush 9999 miles per hour but NO you have to be a mature actor

after your little heart attack session you get to learning the lines

you and woojin are doing not the traditional romeo and juliet but a kind of revamped version, a bit like west side story orrr the romeo and juliet film with leonardo di caprio

basically its modern day and with like gangs and stuff rather than families??

AND IT’S CALLED ROMEO AND JULES YES

and in this woojin is a mafia boss’ son lol

the first time you walk into the rehearsal you see woojin standing at the front of the stage in this fancy ass suit with a silk red shirt under and you almost like;; have a nosebleed

“y/n, are you okay??? you’ve been staring for like the past 3 minutes lol”

you realised you’ve been staring a BIT (a lot) too long and go and join him onstage to rehearse

SKIP to 2 weeks before the performance

it comes the time when you have to;; practice the kissing scene;;

you managed to negotiate with the director that there only be one kissing scene because otherwise your poor heart wouldn’t be able to handle it

as you run through the lines the;; kiss;; is getting;;; closer and closer;;; aaaa

woojin suddenly held your face in his hand like he was cradling something precious

OOOOOF here it comes

“Jules, I am more sure than anything that we were put on this earth to find each other.”

he smiled one of those like really cute smiles he does you know where it shows off his ADORABLE snaggletooth

and then he leaned in and pressed his lips against yours

and you swear to god it was like your heart stopped

as it was going on your brain was basically scrEECHING ok yOU LOVE PARK WOOJIN OHHHH MY GOD

when the scene was over you both wandered back to your rooms with a permanent blush comPLETELY lovestruck

until you both woke up the next morning with throat infections

you stayed in bed until the afternoon when you went to pick up your phone to ring woojin and complain like god this guy got you ill AGAIN

when you see you have an incoming call from woojin

“y/n!!! why did you not tell me you had a throat infection omg you better hope this is gone in 2 weeks because i canNOT perform with my throat like this”

“woojin... i did not have a throat infection before this you dummy it’s your fault i bet its because you decided to stay up playing cooking mama or something until like 5 am yesterday”

“MAYBE I DID BUT THAT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS”

woojin hangs up almost immediately because it’s just hit him

you and him both got sick at the exact same time okay

your parents were right you really were soulmates

SO, he rises out of his bed and brainstorms a confession plan

and he decides that at the end of the performance of romeo and jules he’ll reveal his love lol

luckily you both recover in time to do the show but you don’t have time to rehearse the kissing scene

which you’re really thankful for because you don’t know how much more your heart can take

on the night of the play you both share a hug backstage before going on

and you convince each other not to be anxious

it’s just like one of your musicals from when you were younger

both of your parents are in the audience too

the performance starts and it goes like super well

the dance sections are amazing and woojin’s dancing is so like… beautiful you almost forget your lines lol

the kiss scene actually goes surprisingly well

but halfway through you hear your parents and woojin’s little sister go ‘oo’ and wolf whistle lmaoooo

which makes you both blush and fumble a little bit

in the ending scene where you and woojin die because of a hit put out by the mafia boss

there is a whole ass STANDING OVATION

you and woojin are really shocked but you hold hands and smile widely at each other because like this was your dream since you were kids??

and woojin is just staring at you because god you looked so happy in that moment it was like you were glowing shfdsj boys so lovestruck n WHIPPED

as you go backstage you and woojin are just talking and in total shock about the whole thing

“listen woojin i can’t believe it went down so well like did you hear those cheers?? oh my god!!!”

“haha yeah did you hear both of our parents and my sister when the kiss scene happened i was so embarrassed”

“oh my god woojin why did we even invite them honestly i wanted to go and hide in a whole-”

“y/n will you go out with me?”

“honestly when i heard them i felt like i was going to die - wait what? are you serious?”

you look at woojin and you realise he is like… deadly serious

“well duh i am”

“oh darn okay then yeah uhhhh yeah i’ll go out with you??”

he holds your hand tightly and there’s a sudden like flash of light

and woojin just whispers

“i knew it, i’ve known it for years”

and you smile and lean forward to kiss him because god

are you pleased that your best friend and the person you have loved for years is your soulmate

and of course your parents are pleased because damn that 6th sense was CORRECT

UHH BONUS

when y’all graduate obviously top of the class

you make a wonderful plan

to dig up your dark past together

and at graduation you recreate one of the first musicals you did as kids

it goes down so well and the whole class just cheers and screams and cringes along with the hilariously terrible and childish storyline

and basically it’s the damn cutest thing yes

i take that back YOU TWO are the damn cutest thing

ok im going to sleep now uh enjoy this and i’ll do the other members uhh SOON

#woojin #park woojin #wannaone imagines #wanna one imagines #wanna one #wannaone #wannable #produce 101 imagines #Produce 101 #produce 101 scenarios #soulmate au #au #college au

[wheresrina]

london

oh hello, it’s been like a month and a bit since we have returned home and found this blog, i didn’t write about london! ah!

so here’s the london spiel. so weird because i remember writing about Amsterdam in our hostel the night before we left and thinking about that is kinda surreal.

18th of July

We travelled on the bus from Amsterdam to London, half of our topdeck group didn’t continue on with us but continued their travels from Amsterdam and even though we’d only been with them for 5 days, it feels strange leaving them. 

We navigated from the hostel in London they dropped us off to St Pancras train station at around 5pm. So in the middle of rush hour with our massive bags, it was pretty chaotic! We jumped on the Piccadilly line, en route to Bob and Soo’s place. Bob is Mum’s cousin on Grandma’s side of the family, we know them pretty well as they have visited us in Melbourne numerous times over the years!

Jumping off at Southgate we met up with Bob and Soo,  Soo greeted us with her gorgeous smile and we were so happy to see familiar faces! 

19th of July

We spent the morning doing all of our washing and little chores that Boo and Soo helped us navigate, Sam got a haircut in town and nearly ended up with a “Manchester cut” after the barber found out where his parents were from, very funny he was.

Went into London around midday, checked out the National History Museum and it was so packed full of families but it was so amazing. I swear, you could spend days in there! because it was so busy and you kinda had to shuffle through the exhibitions, we picked our battles and just checked out the stuff we wanted to see.

Next stop was Harrods, I’d heard a lot of cool things about Harrods from people I know that had been there. It was pretty cool but not as rad as i thought it would be? It was essentially an English, spruced up version of David Janes/Myer. Dunno, the way people spoke about it: it sounded pretty magical.

Ah well, definitely was worth going for the souvenirs and whatnot.

Decided to check out Hyde Park afterwards, saw more squirrels and i will not lie: I still get a little excited about seeing squirrels!

Caught the train and got off at Oakwood i think, met up with Lisa and Geoff for dinner. Lisa is Bob’s daughter and I remember meeting her when she visited us in Melbourne years ago. So it was nice seeing her again!

20th of July

Alright, leaving Southgate today. Boo and Soo offered to drive us to Bermondsey, where Linda’s apartment is. Which was wicked kind of them, we drove through Edmonton and Boo pointed Grandma’s high school; Laytmer School and where she used to live and some of her old haunts, we passed by the Tottenham Hotspurs new massive stadium as well. 

There was a nice Italian restaurant across the street from Linda’s place, so we treated Bob and Soo to lunch as our way of saying thank you. Thank you for looking after us and helping us out in any way possible, our gratitude is immense.

We had a very chill afternoon, Sam was coughing a lot and sounded pretty damn sick, Soo really helped in looking after him. We thought it was just fem on his chest, but apparently, it was bronchitis (learnt that when we got home in Aus). So we just chilled and chilled our last two days in London.

21st of July

Tower of London today! Was so awesome, perfect weather for it too. We rolled up and had a wander around, then realised that the beefeater tours were free, so waited a few minutes for that. the beefeater tour was incredible and so so invaluable, the guy taking it was really funny and very knowledgable. learnt all about the tower of london’s past but also it’s present. like all the beefeaters have had at least 20 years of military experience; either in the navy, airforce, seals or army in general. and they all live onsite, pretty damn cool.

we checked out the crown jewels, pretty amazing history and all the other exhibits about the grounds, pretty awesome start to the day and we love a good museum!

did buckingham palace, i mean the outside it pretty amazing to look at but idk, we were towards the end of the trip and there wasn’t too much going on, so we moved on pretty quick.

had dinner and then hit up the london dungeons, it was an amazing experience. it was like a performance going through all the rooms and it gave you a rough history of london but it was very entertaining. definitely not for the faint hearted, as there were rides and a lot of spooks during the performances from room to room. 

22nd of July

last day of our trip and in london :( (that’s a sad face), wicked sad but we made the most of the day, we trained it to Camden Town! if you know me, you know i LOVE a market and had heard about Camden market and just knew i’d love it, and i damn well did.

i loved camden market so damn much. i bought a few gifts for poeple back home and tried to find ange a 21st present but couldn’t find anything of really good value to warrant a 21st birthday present, you know?

anyway, loved that and had lunch there. we then followed the canal around, the sun was shining and i loved seeing the boats go past and all the every day life going on around us in paddington’s basin. We eventually found out way to regents park and damn, i remember being really hot and trying jump from shadow to shadow. Regents Park is so beautiful, like ugh, so beautiful because it’s huge and the grass goes for miles and there were so many dogs running around, we missed Tilly and Keji quite a fair bit at this stage as we’d beena way for more than a month at this point. 

We ended up at a tennis club, unsure how or why we ended up there but it was lovely. Got ice creams and just chilled,  just lounging around in total holiday mode. Decided on riding bikes to the Victoria and Albert Museum, So we rode from Regents Park to Hyde Park and riding, as we’ve learnt on this trip, is the best way to get around. No joke, that’s one of the biggest things i’ve taken from this trip: best way to travel around.

Walked into the Victoria and Albert Museum and I wasn't vibing it, you also had to pay to get it which I found weird as all museums in London had been free up until this point. Ah well. We headed home to Bermondsey, dropped by a Sainsbury’s (so British damn) for dinner and had a chill night of Netflix, packing suitcases and checking into flights. 

23rd of July

I was determined to have our last meal in London be at the Borough Market, so walked there in the morning and bought Linda some hand creams and whatnot from Aesop (appropriate as it’s from Melbourne, Aus heyo), right next to the Borough market, so that worked out big time. Had some brunch at the market and then walked home, the was really full-on at that time of day and won’t lie, we weren’t really handling it all that well.

Headed back to the apartment and took off to the airport, on the train of course. Because London is a great city and has a train to the airport, Melbourne should really start taking notes honestly. How on earth did Melbourne do the Commonwealth Games in 2016, no train from airport to city: ridiculous. 

Anyway, we got there fine and we were pretty much airport experts at this point of the trip. All over it. So many people on our flight were going back home, to Melbourne. So weird hearing an Aussie accent, hadn’t heard it for a while. 

Landed safely, in the very early morning of the 25th of July.  Got home at about 6am, just in time for Dad to be getting up for work and Mum had woken up as Dad did. Really missed them, after all that time. 

8th of September

I was pulling together the video for our trip and remembered about this blog and thought i’d update it!

It’s really crazy to think about all the things that have changed since I started planning this trip. I started planning about two years ago and I had a few things in place: see the people you want to see and the places they live in, that was about it. So my trip would’ve been: London, Denmark and Geneva really.

The whole “go overseas, to find yourself” worked out for me, it’s a strange feeling but I’ve come to terms with my place in this world and I know more about who I am now. It’s a bit strange that a month of holiday and life experiences. Even though I did a lot of self-discovery of sorts, I’m glad I had Sam with me. We learnt more about each other and vibed each other's boundaries because being together 24/7 was a thing we’d never really done before. With him joining me, it went from “my trip” to “our trip” and I’m so thankful for that. All the amazing people I met and all the amazing places I saw, wouldn’t have happened without Sam, he expanded the trip and we supported each other along the way. So I guess this trip brought us closer together, we have so many memories and now that I reflect, I couldn’t have imagined this trip alone, let alone without Sam.

My family here have had these amazing experiences as well, going to see Ged in Balgo and visited El Questro and a few other places.

I am forever grateful and so so lucky for this trip, all the opportunities I was able to experience. 

If you asked me: would you do it again?

Yes, in a heartbeat.

[danielliebeck]

Trip away ft. Stonehenge

Belated post!

I realised I had 3 days off in a row in at the start of December, and I thought I’m not sitting around Basingstoke for 3 days, so I decided to book myself a little excursion away. I thought about going to Bristol or Cardiff (England and the capital of Wales) but I thought that they might have been a bit much for a last minute trip (I realised on Sunday I have the days starting Tuesday afternoon) so I decided to go to Bath instead – and I while I was looking at what there was to do there, I found a little locally based tour company that went to Stonehenge (more on this later)

So, come Tuesday after work (I finished at 3pm) I jumped on the train and went to Bath. Bath is named after the fact that during Roman times, Bath was home to a large Roman bath (because the town sits on a natural hot spring) and most of the bath (bath – where you become clean & Bath the town) still exists and is now a museum which I would visit – more to come.

Go into town at about 5:30 on the Tuesday (had to change trains at Reading which is about 20 minutes away on the train) and walked to the hostel where I stayed (St Christopher’s Bath – nothing to write home about, people snoring and directly above a pub so kinda noisy until about 1am but not the worst place I’ve stayed at), went and dumped my stuff in in the lockers under the bed – mine was broken but I wasn’t that worried about it. The pub that the hostel is over gives a pretty decent discount for people who are staying at the hotel and the food was pretty good, so it was a good arrangement. Had a bit of a wander around after dinner to try and get my bearings but it started raining after a while (imagine my shock – it’s raining in England… this is totally unheard of *eye roll*)

First night in the hotel was okay, except for the 2 other people in the room that snored and kept everyone awake but they left the next day, so it wasn’t too bad. I had intended to pack my shampoo but of course I forgot so I went and found some at the local shop (dunno what it’s called but it has a kangaroo on the bottle so I figure it’s got something to do with Australia) and I realised that the hostel only provided towels if you paid – screw that, so I went to the local Blacks (kind of like BCF) and bought a travel towel that folds up. Anyway, had a shower and went for a better wander around town, checked out the shops, the Christmas markets (apparently one of the largest in England). Basically, spent the whole day wandering around the town.

I went to the Roman baths as well. This was pretty cool, the buildings are all original and still functional (although the water in the old baths is toxic as hell, but the local government has built a modern bath next door that you can use if you want to pay a stupid amount of money for). The main part of the baths is a big pool that’s in a courtyard thing that you walk around (you come in at the roof and work your way down). It’s very informative and there are people dressed up in costumes that are there to answer any questions you might have (and to keep the tourists that can’t read the numerous warning signs in multiple languages about not touching the water because of how toxic it is) and right at the bottom, you can see the pipe that leads to the actual spring that feeds the whole structure with water. Very old and shows that the Romans were way ahead of their time when it came to engineering.

After that, went to the hostel and had a quiet night because I had a big day planned the next day.

Next morning, I had a day tour planned that would take me to Castle Comb, Avesbury Stones, Lacock village and Stonehenge. It was run by a company called Mad Max Tours and they’re owned locally by a woman named MADdy (her dog was called Max – hence the name) and there were 7 people on the tour (4 Americans and 3 Aussies) Stopped off at Castle Comb, which has been named as England’s pretties town (it’s a one street town with about 8 buildings (2 pubs) and a church. We were here for about an hour – which was long enough for me to break an umbrella.

Next stop was Avesbury stones (sort of like Stonehenge but less famous and even more mysterious – less is known about this than Stonehenge). After that we went to Laycock National Trust Village (they filmed some of Harry Potter here). Random fact that I learnt while here – the weight of the roofs of the buildings, because of the way they’re built, are actually too heavy for the walls to support – so a lot of the buildings have weird brackets on the walls to stop them collapsing. We stopped off at a few other places but because the weather had gone south (again, imagine my shock at the weather) we went to Stonehenge.

When we first got there, we couldn’t go in straight away as there was an ‘incident’ and there were police everywhere. Eventually, they all disappeared, and we were allowed in though we still don’t know what the incident was. The cost of entry to Stonehenge wasn’t covered in the price of the tour (the tour was £42, and Stonehenge was £17) but I’d joined English heritage before I left, and I got in for free.  Now, Stonehenge was exactly what I was expecting – it’s a pile of rocks that you walk around, but it’s one of those things – I’ve been to Stonehenge now, and can tick that off my bucket list and I’ve got photos to prove it.

After Stonehenge, we got back on the little bus (it fits 16 people at max) and back to Bath where we all went our separate ways. I went and had dinner at a little Italian place (great pizza) before I went back to the hotel and crashed – I was shattered.

Up the next day and on the train (I got to the train station early, so I sat for a while and read my book (autobiography on Queen) and eventually got back to Basingstoke (should’ve checked which train it was, it stopped at about 300 places before I got back)

That was my little, last second trip away. Good time but tiring.

Bath abbey

Bath abbey inside

Roman baths, Bath

Pipe that leads to the water source at the baths

Georgian buildings

Bath at night

Bridge in Bath - there are shops built across the bridge - apparently there are similar in Venice

Castle Comb Village

Stonehenge

Harry Potters house (where Voldermort killed Lily and James Potter)

#bath stonehenge

[sunshinemiranda]

Domestic Bliss - Okieriete Onaodowan x Reader

Summary: Based on this post. Small vignettes of feelings of happiness wrapped in domesticity in the home of two people who love each other very much. 

Words: 2,189

Warnings: A couple swear words. 

A/N: I’ve finally accomplished every day of the Write-A-Thon! (No one mention how long it took, I hate myself too) I’m really excited for this because Day 7: #WriteForOak2k17 was my doing and there is always room to appreciate my sunshine boy. By the way, there are a couple songs mentioned in this one. I’ll link them in the text. Enjoy!

“I think I’m sort of drunk.”

“You’re not drunk, Oak.”

“No, really. I think I am.”

“Prove it.”

“I actually like this shitty music.”

“Okay, yeah, you’re drunk.” You grinned, stumbling towards him a bottle of wine still grasped in your fist. “You know this is ‘Sugar, Sugar’ by The Archies, right? This is from, like, the 70’s.”

“I know,” he cringed, reaching out to curl a casual hand around your waist. A slow smile faded into place on his mouth and he started to waltz you around, slipping the bottle from your hand to take a swig from it. “Also, it’s 1 in the afternoon. I’m drunk, listening to crappy music, at 1 in the afternoon.”

“Don’t forget to add that you’re with me,” you giggled, stealing the bottle back to drink from it, nose crinkling. “This is shit wine.”

“I know.” He smiled, taking the bottle again to set it down on the coffee table. He bowed before you, pulling you against his body as the song switched to a waltz. ‘We Belong Together’. Ritchie Valens.

“Now this is a cheesy song.” You murmured, swaying with him, a grin making a home on your lips.

“I love it. Unashamedly. I love you.” He mumbled, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

You’re mine, and we belong together. Yes, we belong together, for eternity.

Maybe Ritchie Valens was right. Maybe that happened to people, who were puzzle pieces that had jagged edges to fit someone else’s. Maybe you were meant to be there, tipsy as hell on a Sunday afternoon, mouth pressed against the love of your life’s. If that was fate, then god damn, you would welcome it with wide arms.

The kiss was messy, filled with giggling and stumbling. Mouth still pressed haphazardly against yours, Oak stumbled back onto the couch, taking you with him as you collapsed into a pile of kisses that tasted like wine, soft hair tickling the senses and the scent that couldn’t be described as anything other than home. It was a kind of domesticity that put your heart at rest, made the blood run warm in your veins, electrified with a feeling of helpless love that you weren’t afraid of.

“I am not afraid of loving you, Oak.” You murmured, pressing a kiss to his nose.

“Stay with me.” He replied, whispering.

“Always.”

He kissed you again, and again, so many times that it painted your entire life a rosy colour that realists frown upon so angrily. Two romantics, a bottle of wine, and Ritchie Valens were a very good combination. You could attest to that.

“We should probably sleep.”

“Yeah, we should probably sleep.”

Neither one of you moved. Curled together, a complete mess of limbs and pieces of popcorn that had found a new home in the crevices of your couch, Oak had his legs intertwined with yours and was tracing swirls against your shin, eyes closed as he leaned back. It was 3 am, but tiredness and a craving to just sit and enjoy the feeling of being in the presence of someone who loved you unconditionally after a long day of wrestling with an unforgivable world. Right here, on this couch, in this moment, nothing else mattered.

“Oh my God, The Price is Right is on. Why are we watching this again?” He chuckled.

“Because I’m too lazy to move to our own bed, and I really like being here. With you.”

“Sap.”

“You know it.”

He lovingly pinched at your toe, and you pulled your limb away from him with a pout, turning away.

“That it, Mr. Onaodowan. No more kisses for you.”

“Mr. Onaodowan?” He mimicked, sitting up so he could scoot closer to you. You refused to look at him, staring adamantly at the wall. “What is this, Fifty Shades of Grey?”

“Oh, you wish.” You huffed, looking down and picking at your nails to fake disinterest.

He reached over, tugging you lazily into his lap, which didn’t take much, to be honest. Nuzzling into the crook of where your neck met your shoulder, he pressed an absent kiss to your jaw and mumbled tiredly against your skin as he spoke.

“You can’t be mad at me. It’s impossible.”

“It totally is possible. Don’t you see what I’m doing here?” You huffed, crossing your arms and ignoring the pleasant tickle of his hair near your ear.

“I love you,” he murmurs, leaving kisses all along your neck and down to your shoulder. “That’s all I’m going to say.”

The room settles with silence and you breath out, then surrender with a roll of your eyes, turning around in his lap to face him. Leaning forward, you press a kiss to his forehead with a small smile.

“Let’s go to bed.” You mumbled.

With a grin, he scooped his arms underneath you and stood in one smooth motion, stepping down the hallway to the bedroom with socked feet. Crappy television at 3 am became a tradition.

“Where’s my toothbrush?”

“You’re holding it, Oak.”

“Oh.”

Tuesday mornings were a mess. That wasn’t to say the other days of the week were un-stressful and beautifully organized, of course not. It’s just that Tuesday's seemed to be the days that everything was trying its best to work against you.

“Do you want coffee?”

“Am I going to have time to drink it?”

“Baby, you ask this every morning. I’ll put it in a travel mug like always.”

“I love you.” He mumbled, pressing a hurried kiss to your forehead before hurrying away, likely to finish getting dressed (he had been rushing around in pyjama top and an unbuttoned shirt for the past twenty minutes).

You were just as busy. With your purse dangling from your shoulder, and you having to push it back up there every few seconds, you had two coffees in one hand, your phone shoved haphazardly in your back pocket and your keys dangling from your only free hand.

“Shit,” you mumbled, setting down his coffee as carefully as possible while trying not to spill yours. “Oak, do you know where my wallet is?”

“Uh, no, maybe it’s in the bedroom?”

Cursing to yourself, you grabbed your shoes and half hopped, half ran toward the shared bedroom in the apartment, trying to simultaneously pull shoes on and make your way there. He pushed out of the bathroom at the same time you passed and accidentally bumped into you, the two of you both muttering a quick apology as he followed you into the bedroom. The sheets were thrown up, every drawer opened, until finally, finally, something worked out.

“Found it!” He called triumphantly, tossing your wallet across the room to you before you caught it and shoved it into your purse.

“Thank you, I love you, I’ll be home at 5, promise.” You rushed out, leaning forward to quickly press a kiss to his cheek, and giving the hem of his shirt a quick tug to straighten it out.

“Take it easy!” He called after you, pulling his own shoes on. With a glance at the clock, he cringed, inwardly wondering if it was possible to just cut anyway, since he was already late.

You sent him a quick grin over your shoulder, almost running into the door in doing so, but in a moment, you had hurried out to the car. Tuesday mornings were a mess, but they were so undeniably human that you spent half the time worrying and the other half, kind of enjoying it.

“Does my face always look like that?”

“Yeah. Pretty much.”

“Hey!” He whined, elbowing you as you shot him a grin. “You’re not supposed to agree.”

You laughed, flicking to the next picture on your phone. It wasn’t clear how it had happened, but you had ended up curled up with him on the balcony loveseat, sorting through old pictures of you two on your phone and zooming in on the worst faces. It was the perfect way to spend an afternoon.

“Baby, you know I love your face, and all the little things it does.” You reached out and pinched one of his cheeks gently as he rolled his eyes.

“Oh yeah?” He snatched the phone from you, double tapping on a group photo you had been unlucky enough to be pulled into. “And what about your face in this one?”

Huffing, you snatched your cell back, sticking your tongue out. “I’m fine with my face the way it is.”

“Good,” he murmured, a slow smile turning the corners of his mouth up. “Me too.”

Blushing, you smiled back at him and turned back to the picture album. You swept past a couple more, then found one of the two of you sticking your faces through the cardboard cutouts at fairs. This one had two anthropomorphic dogs painted there. It seemed one of them was supposed to be Goofy, but it definitely wasn’t clear. A pause caught in your throat before the both of you burst out into laughter.

“Wow, (Y/N), I had no idea you were a furry.”

“Don’t pretend you’re not in this photo too, Goofy.”

The rest of the afternoon was spent flicking through picture after picture, collapsing into piles of boneless laughter, and being filled with that warm feeling you get after finding an old photo of something you never want to forget.

“Get out of the way.”

“You get out of the way.”

“I was in here first!” Oak grumbled, but there was a grin sneaking its way onto his lips. You were already giggling.

“Unimportant. Isn’t it a stereotype that the girl takes hours to get ready? Therefore, I get more time in the bathroom.”

“I’m a progressive man, (Y/N), I don’t believe in stuff like that.” He stated matter-of-factly, smile still in place as he reached for a comb.

Standing hip to hip, facing the mirror, the bathroom seemed small but ultimately cozy. After being invited out to a friend’s birthday dinner, the two of you had ended up having to share the space. There is an idea perpetuated about couples who find themselves in uncomfortable situations when they move in with each other. There is always a compromise that needs to made, and some couples find that to be a struggle. With Oak, there wasn’t a touch of arguing. Things fell into place perfectly, every pseudo-schedule having little flaws, the actual schedules working as you had hoped they would. The give and take about domesticity was accomplished the moment he had asked you to “just start living at my place”.

“Okay, Mulberry, or Sugar Plum?” You asked, holding up two tubes of lipstick as options.

In the process of putting toothpaste on his toothbrush, he looked up and furrowed his brow in thought for a moment. 

“Hmm...neither. Cocoa Butter.” He reached out and picked up a brown shade, holding it up with a triumphant smile.

He was right. It did go best with what you were wearing. Grinning, you nodded mutely and faced the mirror to apply it, wiping away the mistakes and popped the cap back on, standing back.

“Almost ready?” You smiled.

“Almost.” He mumbled around his toothbrush.

“I’ll wait for you out there.”

The bathroom was too small for two people, but it didn’t matter. Rules were made to be bended a little, anyway.

“God, I’m exhausted.”

“You and me both, sweetheart.” Oak mumbled, hand wrapped around your shoulders.

After a long, long day, you had ended up standing in the kitchen having forgotten why you had entered the room in the first place. It didn’t matter after all, because you had a new purpose. The sun was setting and Oak had his arm curled around you comfortably, and here you were. Tired, happy, finally able to relax and just decompressing. It was the best part of the day so far. His fingers rose to gently comb through the ends of your hair as you snuggled into his side, a sigh pulling tension from your shoulders. These were the evenings you loved most, even if your legs were aching because you had stood all day, or the remnants of your headache were still fading from your temples. From this point, in the golden-light-filled kitchen of your home that you shared with the love of your life, anything was possible. The world was yours to take over. Time decided to give you a gift, and these, you were only too happy to accept.

“Long day?” You hummed.

“Yeah. But it’s okay. We’re okay.”

He said it so convincingly that you had to agree without a doubt. This was just fine. It was not a compromise, not something that could be taken from you, just a moment. One that you had to stop to enjoy.

A peace filled the room, softer than velvet as it stroked all worries and stress from your mind.

“Marry me.” He murmured, without looking away from the light outside.

The term “domestic bliss” came to mind. People spent their whole lives searching for something like this.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay. Let’s do it.”

This was happiness. You had found it.

#okieriete onaodowan x reader #okieriete onaodowan imagine #hamilcast imagine #hamwriters writeathon

[cosmosogler]

hi guys. i got up at like 7:30, found out the school was closed until 10, and went back to bed. then i got up for my psychiatrist appointment, got a call that it was canceled, and went back to bed. no meds for me. i promised the counter lady i’d reschedule the appointment tomorrow when i would be at the health center for my regular doctor’s appointment.

then i realized my doctor’s appointment was during my si outreach event, so i would have to reschedule that too. luckily, that ended up not being a problem.

my first class was canceled due to the blizzard so i got to relax and try to do homework. except i got an email that i had missed the drop/add deadline for my si training class, so i’d have to fill out the override form and get 3 magical artifacts i mean signatures and deliver the paperwork to the registrar. i went to the slc first to get my supervisor’s signature. she wasted a whole bunch of time talking about stuff i’d already finished doing. then she put me in front of a computer to write a paragraph about how i didn’t know that the drop/add deadline for this 8-week courses was only the 19th, as it had been a 2-week period in previous semesters and was just changed with no notice. i finished it in about a minute and went back to her office to find she had popped over to her neighbor. so i sat outside that office for 10 minutes, getting more antsy and sick. my supervisor finally came out and asked if i’d been waiting for her to print the paragraph, and i said i’d been waiting for ten minutes. she printed it out for me and told me where i needed to go to get the other two signatures. i was gonna do that, but i had to grab a snack first, as i hadn’t eaten in a very long time.

then when i got back to the physics department i got ANOTHER email about my nasa project, which also had paperwork due today. so i printed that out and started filling it out, and then i had to go to class without even getting to start my homework.

immediately upon stepping outside the physics lounge i felt extremely nauseous. it was the worst it’s been in the whole four weeks i’ve been sick, other than when i try to brush my tongue and stick the toothbrush in too far. i’ve been more careful about that lately though. i hobbled over to the math department, put my backpack down, stared at the floor for a few seconds, and immediately went in the bathroom and dry heaved for like 6 minutes. i missed the beginning of class. jay asked where i was about halfway through the class and cody pointed at me. i waved at him. i told heather i was feeling really seriously sick, and spent the whole class sweating and staring at my desk in the back. 

after class jay managed to talk me into getting some lunch. i was feeling a little better, so i promised myself i’d only eat a little bit, so i didn’t upset my stomach further. i had some sweet potatoes and a cup of thai tea, which was probably a mistake. i joked around with jay and rob and then we went to quantum 2. i put my backpack down and then had to run to the bathroom to puke for reals. then my nose started bleeding, and my eyes got dry and itchy and painful. i was a little shaken up, since i can usually handle my nausea better than that. i asked the professor if i should go to the health center or if he would prefer i go after class and he practically kicked me out. the walk to the health center was the longest walk i’ve ever been through. even though it was about 3 minutes away.

i talked to the lady at the front desk and she canceled my appointment for tomorrow in order to get me in right then. i couldn’t tell if the doctor was happy or annoyed when she asked some questions and i launched into my entire medical history and every conversation i’ve had over the last 4 weeks relating to my illness. she had me lay back on the table and put her hand on my right side, which surprisingly hurt actually a lot. she said something about my gallbladder and left to set up an appointment with the hospital. she asked if i had any plans for the afternoon or if could see them immediately and i said i had some paperwork to finish, but no classes. but the radiologist at the hospital was too busy today, so i gotta go on thursday morning at like 7. i get the feeling that since the radiologist thinks it’s going to take longer than an hour and a half he might be checking on more than one internal organ.

i rescheduled my appointment with my psychiatrist and trudged over to the offices i needed to get signatures from, and turned in that paperwork. then i finished my nasa project application and told my quantum professor i was still alive. and i contacted all my morning professors about missing class on thursday. i’ve missed more school than i’ve attended so far this semester between the funeral, the weather, and now this.

i talked to rob a bit on the way home since we ran into each other on the bus. we talked about the nasa project and what the week looked like for me. i was in a lot of pain, but it started fading by the time i got home. it took 50 minutes to get home.

i ate a veggie dog for dinner, and when i only felt a little nauseous, i made a second one and had some fruit, which had started to look a little weird after i didn’t have time to eat it last week. so i only had a little bit. and i STILL didn’t get any homework done! gotta try to get up early tomorrow morning and try again. i don’t know if i can manage jazzercise tomorrow though, my stomach area is still pretty uncomfortable even though i haven’t eaten anything else for hours.

and my dad blew me off when i complained about a sharp pain in my side on saturday! and mom blew me off too at the airport when it first started. that airplane ride was so long, but not as long as the time i had shigella and was actually dying and the plane ride took about 19 hours. or maybe it was just 9. i can’t remember any more. definitely at least 19 hours total travel time from malawi to south africa to georgia to arizona.

anyway, i’ve been having random symptoms and various pains in different areas that come and go for four weeks now. nothing really consistent other than generally feeling like something’s wrong. like even yesterday evening when i was feeling fine physically i still would have described myself as “sick” somehow. 

i might have to miss more class, depending on how i feel tomorrow. at least i have the doctor’s appointment note for thursday, so i’ll only really get one unexcused absence. but i’m hoping to feel ok enough for class tomorrow. i really need to do this homework... gotta pull myself together somehow. 

i guess in a way i kind of hope something is seriously wrong. i guess it would make me feel justified, in a way? like no wonder i feel terrible and have no patience for anything, i had some serious illness that wasn’t treated! and the first doctor said i had vertigo for some reason! 

i’ve been writing this post for a half hour. i should try to sleep. today, despite getting up kind of late, was very densely packed. i still haven’t told my parents i need an ultrasound, partially because i left my phone at home today on accident. but i think i’ll wait until i get some results before i say anything. mom kind of freaks the hell out when something is wrong. 

maybe i’m burying my emotions about the whole thing, because i sure don’t have any strong feelings about it. i didn’t really have strong feelings about grandma’s death either, except a seriously delayed reaction to seeing her dead body. i didn’t have any super strong feelings about glenn either, except getting annoyed when he called me “sweetie.” if this had been ten years ago his presence would have really rustled my jimmies. i guess i’ve stopped feeling too upset about losing my pokemon game too. i just feel a kind of heavy dark deadness when i think about it. the only thing that really makes me lose my temper is being unable to articulate my feelings to jim. i guess because i don’t have any feelings? i gotta be feeling SOMETHING, though, because my homework is as done as raw steak, and i don’t usually completely ignore it when it’s open right in front of me unless i’m upset about something else. dr. cole has been really gentle with me about the nuclear homework and my last grad school application, and my laplace transforms professor said i could have an extra day to turn in my make-up work, and hogan said i should take my time looking over his notes from quantum today, and i got a quick recap about the class from rob, so everyone is being pretty nice about everything... even jay said he was sorry about my grandmother. maybe there’s something about my face or posture i’m not noticing. 

i keep wanting to cry but i can’t... quite... make the tears come out of my eyes. i wanted to talk to my psychiatrist about it, but i’m seeing a different doctor on monday since she’s booked through like all of february. i am at least getting a refill on my current meds. i’m worried about how much progress i’m going to make with this new therapist, wei luo. if i can’t get myself through all this garbage before the end of the semester i’ll be really disappointed. and maybe not as emotionally prepared for grad school as i would like to be. at least i’m not getting so many random panic attacks frequently throughout the day. maybe i’m tiring myself out doing all this running around.

i gotta try to sleep. it’s almost 11 now. i started writing before 10:15. but i think it was good to get all these thoughts down somewhere. i haven’t had a lot of time to think about what’s going on, but i keep doing it anyway, so maybe writing it down will help me stop thinking about this and think about important things like my schoolwork and falling asleep for a little bit.

[arathoonabroad]

Chapter 13

In which Katie uses 2,000 words to say "I was tired."

Thursday, September 21, 2006

There have been certain grumblings of the "are you dead?" variety concerning my lack of updates recently, and I apologize; hopefully this installment will both satisfy those grumblers and explain my (extremely out of character) reticence.

So. I actually managed to give up alcohol for a month, and here's the story of why. One week after my birthday, we accidentally threw the most awesome party ever. The excuse was the arrival of a new flatmate, the awesome Freya—so it was a "house re-warming" party. Our arrival time was set at eight, and the theme was "Heroes and Villains." At eight o'clock we four flatmates were sitting in the living room. Sarah had made the largest token to the party's theme, and was wearing an Astro Boy t-shirt and, most impressively, an Astro Boy pair of underpants on the outside of her jeans. Freya was dressed up as an evil version of herself, and I was dressed up as a not-evil clone of the evil version of Freya, which meant that we were both wearing cute skirts and glasses, but otherwise looking pretty normal. Amina appeared to be going as Amina.

"Did you invite anyone?" asked Sarah. A chorus of Not Really's ran 'round the room. "Me neither," she sighed. The party seemed a loss. I texted the few people I had invited and warned them it was dead.

And then people started arriving, and they didn't stop. The house was full of people. We’d purchased forty bottles of wine, and we ran out and had to go get more. My camera was passed from hand to hand, capturing people's costumes (most impressively a young gentleman dressed entirely in tinfoil). People we didn't know showed up. People we did know and didn't like showed up. Somebody's younger brother and his best friend showed up, refused to speak to anyone, and then passed out in the living room. We had Brazilians and Italians and Indians and Germans and more, but everyone drank like Aussies. At four o'clock my camera was full of pictures, we were full of alcohol, and we decided it was a really good time to go to a bar. So, we shuffled off to the bar, I broke a chair, and the rest is a blank until it was suddenly 8:20 in the morning and one of my newfound best friends was shoving his watch in my face and saying, "Aren't you supposed to be at work in ten minutes?"

Ah yes, yes I was. A special one-off Saturday job, shelving books in the bookstore part of the café. Still reeling, I leaped into work clothes and ran the whole way to the café, making it there in just ten minutes (rather than the usual twenty). My boss thought my showing up reeking of alcohol was hilariously funny, and I proceeded to shelve books, dwelling on all the stupid things I'd done the night before, for two hours. Two hours of silent book shelving in a silent café is a really good time to do some earnest reflection, and I'd done a lot of stupid things the night before. By the time I'd finished the last box of books I'd worked myself into quite a state.

"Come on, I'll shout you breakfast as a thank you," my boss offered.

"I can't, I have about twelve apologies I have to make," I said, and, brain now moving into hangover zone, I wandered home, collapsed on the sidewalk outside my house, dissolved into tears, and called my mother.

Not my proudest moment in Sydney.

So, from that day until the end of August, I went teetotal. Totally teetotal. This caused extreme consternation amongst my friends. I did prove very definitively that I am capable of going out without drinking; I also proved that it's almost impossible to go out and have fun without drinking, mostly because everyone else gets annoyed with your sobriety and spends the evening trying to get you to change your mind. Spending evenings explaining why you're sober is really, really dull.

Luckily, the flu that I'd picked up back in June was still around and getting worse, which meant that most of the time I was too tired to go out anyway. Some days I would come home from work at five, get straight into bed and fall asleep, wake up at eight and have dinner and then go back to sleep; other days I would pass out at 7:30 and not wake up until 7:30 the next morning. I'm not sure quite why it didn't occur to me that being sick for more than two months was a bit odd, but it just seemed to be one of those facts of life; I'm Katie, and I sleep for twelve hours at a time on a regular basis. The month of no alcohol dragged on, things ended (I think) with Marco, and then work took a turn for the worse.

The boss, bless him, figured out that he could pick on me—and pick on me he did. When he yells at Sara she yells back, and Kia set down boundaries early enough that he doesn't yell at her at all, but he soon discovered that with my tendency to a) internalize disapproval and b) burn banana bread on a regular basis, I could provide a useful outlet for the daily frustrations of café management. Day by day things got worse—to the point where the other girls were leaping in to my defense ("Don't speak to her like that!") and I broke down in tears on several occasions.

The breaking point came one Friday in early September. Late in the afternoon I found myself getting shouted and sworn at, top volume. The boss was throwing around a sandwich I had made and was so angry that he was barely articulate. I went into crisis-control mode, as usual, and solved the sandwich problem (there was no problem, it turned out—the sandwich was exactly what the customer had wanted). Then I spent the next hour cleaning and finishing my shift and getting more and more worked up. I was sick, and tired, and absolutely sick and tired of getting screamed at for no good reason.

The next day, shopping with Kia, I related the story. "If he treated me the way he treats you, I'd quit," she said frankly. I considered that option. I have enough money saved up for this trip that I could just stay in Sydney until I leave. The money from the café is great, but not a necessity. Why don't I just not go back to work on Monday?

But then, thinking it over that Sunday in our sunny garden, I had a far more liberating thought: if I have enough flexibility that I can quit, then I can also just behave any way I want to at work, and if I get fired, it's no big deal!

I can shout back!

I went into work on Monday eager for him to pick a fight with me. He was gonna get it! Anybody who throws a punch at me from now on is getting knocked out of the ring! Just you wait, matey!

And, of course, that change in attitude has meant that I don't actually need to shout back; bossman has stopped picking on me. The few times things have drifted back towards our old pattern, I've dug my heels in and gotten sassy, and then we go back to him treating me like a human being. The old adage about standing up to bullies is true, it seems, and I’ve emerged from the experience with a—potentially useful—thicker epidermis.

But I was almost too tired and miserable to appreciate my once-again enjoyable work environment. September had arrived and I was still sick, still in bed by eight o'clock every night, still knocked off my feet for days every time I drank alcohol (teetotal August having ended at last). I tried to go out for dinner with Brenda one night and felt so miserable I could barely stand. "You look like you're going to cry!" she said in dismay, and sent me home to bed. I had to get a taxi because I was too tired to walk the two blocks to the bus stop. I was too tired to go out, too tired to write. What is the point of being here, I wondered, if all I'm going to do is work and sleep?

At Mum's urging I went to get checked for mono, or "glandular fever" as they so quaintly call it here. (Shoutout to free universal healthcare, btw!) The doctor poked and prodded me for a while and finally said with a note of satisfaction, "Ah. You have an enlarged spleen."

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"That means your mother is probably right," he said.

"My mother is always right about everything," I said glumly.

So they drew gallons of my blood and sent them off for testing, and then Cousin Becky arrived. 

Cousin Becky, one of my favorite people in the world, is moving to the Australian equivalent of Napa Valley until the end of the year, and touched down in Sydney first. So there's Becky, my big cousin whom I adore—and there's me, too tired and sick to show her a good time. Luckily, she was jetlagged and missing her boyfriend, so we were both able to be tired and miserable together. This somehow involved us buying extremely cute bikinis and lying on beaches for hours and hours, and then having lunches that consisted of wine and ice cream and dinners that consisted of phantasmagorically amazing seafood. Hey, if you're gonna mope, mope in style!

Becky left on a Sunday morning and I went straight to bed and slept more or less nonstop for the next eighteen hours (standard Sunday protocol at this point). On Monday I actually felt a little better. Tuesday even more so—to the point where I actually went out and had some drinks and got up to no good. Despite that, on Wednesday I was feeling, for the first time in months and months—practically normal!

That Wednesday was of course the day when my blood tests came in, and I slunk into the doctor's office feeling a bit sheepish. Here I'd just gone and gotten all these tests done on Medicare's dime, and just today my body was refusing to play the role required of it. Where was the drama, the lethargy, the I'd-rather-be-hit-by-a-bus misery? I have an enlarged spleen, damnit! I'm dying here!

"Nope," said my body, "Actually, I'm feeling pretty okay today."

So I was somehow unsurprised when the doctor explained to me that I don't actually have mono/glandular fever, at least not any more. (Glandular fever—honestly! What an archaic-sounding disease! Next they'll be telling me people still get scurvy, or gout, or the plague!) Very patiently he took me through all the different tests, all the different results that my gallons of blood had provided—and they all basically said I was a-ok. Even my cholesterol's pretty good, it turns out.

I tried to be enthusiastic, but I was still confused. "So, why have I been so miserable?" I asked.

"Sometimes, the body just gives out when it's being pushed too hard—when the patient is going out too often, or there's stress at work, or they're not eating the proper food."

World cup. Bossman. Cornflakes. Hmm. "Burning your candle at both ends?" I suggested.

The doctor looked at me carefully. "Sometimes I think some patients aren't just burning both ends—they're burning holes in the middle, too."

Point taken.

[celestial-writespace]

Seemingly

Sometimes, your greatest love isn’t always the one you end up with.

[ genre: romance, teen fiction ]

Have you ever met someone who you thought was seemingly perfect? It’s this one person who just seems to have absolutely everything you’re looking for. A person you’d never thought could even exist. That one person, the one who you’d always have a soft spot for. That was it, that was exactly what I’d describe Kyle. I’m Margaux, and this is how a green eyed boy who wore dark grey jeans and a black hoodie that day in September changed my life forever.

If you’re reading this, then it must mean that it’s probably already some time in 2040 where I’m all grown up, being stable and all, and this “story” I’m writing, just happened to live on for a couple decades. I don’t know who’ll be reading this, if you’re my friend or a completely random stranger, but in case you didn’t already get it, or you just completely went over all the things I said, I’m Margaux. As of June 20th of the year 2018, I’m 18 years old, and I’m probably the typical freshman college girl. I was born and raised (as typical as it may sound) in the sunny town of Phoenix, Arizona. Let me start my story a little like this:

Okay, let’s flashback to the day I first started college. Now, I’m generally a pretty open, outgoing girl, but this day just made me so anxious. I woke up today at 4 AM, and the welcoming rally starts at 8. I was totally not stressing out. I mean, who would’ve thought i’d actually make it into my dream school? Did I even deserve it? WHY WAS I THERE? REALLY? Anyway, so I started my morning, like any other, with coffee and bread, in a desperate attempt to calm myself down and make it feel like it was just any other day. The anxiety didn’t fully go away, but my favorite bittersweet sensation from a good cup of freshly brewed coffee definitely helped. A few hours of stress, anxiety and weirdly enough, boredom combined, and the clock struck 7 o’clock. Of course, I immediately left at that moment.

As I arrived in school, the anxiety took over me. There were so many people who were so much better than me. Talk about insecurity, right? Flash forward to the end of the day, when I became tired, scared, but thankfully, a little less anxious, and a little more excited, but nevertheless, I came here to learn, and I kept in mind that I really shouldn’t let those things bother me. I deemed college one of the most life changing periods in my life. At that time, I was so ready to reinvent myself, move on from the horror that is high school, and prepare myself for a better future ahead of me.

When three months had passed since my first day at University of Phoenix, midterms had just ended, and I had been a member of this lovely sorority where my mother was once a member of, for around 2 months now.. I hoped to gain a sisterhood like no other through this. This was where I met my first college best friend, Sarah. I was definitely off to a great start, and I hoped so hard that nothing changed this for the next 4 years. However, it was way too early for me to hope, right?

One day in September, I committed to going to a Mura Masa concert with Sarah. She and I both loved Mura Masa, and it was his first show ever in Phoenix. To add, Sarah had been such a nice friend to me. She was the only one caring enough to show me around the campus voluntarily, and we’d have lunch together every time our schedules aligned. Seeing this, I knew we just had to go together. Little did I know that going to that concert would change my life forever.

My phone read 9 o’clock, the concert just started, and I was having the time of my life seeing one of my favorite artists play live with my college best friend. But there was something more magical about that night. There was a tall guy that was standing beside me, in his dark grey knee-ripped jeans, a black Mura Masa hoodie and some beat up Nikes. He sparked up a simple conversation as the intermission started. Nine. That’s how many words it took for him to finish his sentence, and how many seconds it took for me to gaze at his beautiful face, which was a bit too long for someone to respond to such a simple question. “What do you think the next song’s gonna be?” he asked me.

“I think it’s definitely gonna be my favorite, Firefly” I responded, as I lock eyes with the silver haired fellow. Suddenly, the music started. But that wasn’t the only thing that started that night, but also a love that just seemed so right. I see this as mystical I'm sure that you know, my favorite line from Firefly played as I stare at him once more. That night was mystical, for sure. Although, I’m not quite sure if it was those green eyes that got me lost every time I looked at him, or his soft-looking lips I would have loved to lock with in those moments. Kyle and I danced and sung along to our favorite songs, and not too soon after, Sarah joins in and gets to know him a little more.

The concert ended, and me and my friend were now with Kyle. As we were walking to the parking lot, we exchanged numbers. Turns out, he was an artist who dropped out of college in his sophomore year. He loved painting and photography the most, for he thought that being able to capture beautiful moments in one’s life was one of God’s greatest blessings to mankind. But to me, it was people like him. Those that appreciated the beautiful little details, and those that believed that imperfection is most times what makes us human, and what makes us beautiful.

Sarah drove me home, and during our drive, she talked to me about Kyle. “Soooo, Kyle huh?” she teases me. I wasn’t gonna deny it to my best friend.

“Yeah, I like him, what’dya think?”

“I think you guys are really compatible for each other, hell, couldn’t even get you guys separated.”

So that night I came home, I could not stop smiling and thinking about the enchanting night I had just experienced. I wondered until about 3 in the morning. Did he know how wonderstruck I was when I met him? And all I could hope for was that, he wasn’t already in love with someone else. I fell asleep to these thoughts.

The next morning, I woke up to a vibration from my phone, which rested on top of my chest. I received a text from him. “Forgot to tell you, I thought you were wonderful last night, and i’d love to get to know you more, perhaps over some coffee?” it read. The text struck my stomach with butterflies as I eagerly texted back “I feel the same, actually. How about today at 4PM?” A minute passed and I got a confirmation text, complete with the words “Can’t wait!”

We met up at a local cafe on the corner of 10th street and Park Avenue. I walked into the cafe but failed to spot him anywhere, so I decided to sit down at the table by the glass window. Five minutes passed and I saw him on the other side of the street, about to cross the road. Seeing him once more brought an uncontrollable smile on my face. He entered the cafe, approached me and I ultimately greeted him with a warm hug. He smelled bittersweet for some unknown reason, like the coffee I drank every morning. He smelled like.. Home. It was the scent I could wake up to every morning.

And so we talked for hours about our favorite songs and how he loved travelling so much that he could spend the rest of his days travelling everywhere and never have one permanent home. He told me his adventures in Peru, Japan, Australia, Indonesia, all at his age of 23. It was truly amazing to see how one man could appreciate so much in life. Everything to him was beautiful. I wondered if I was too.

Seven o’clock struck and he invited me back to his place for some dinner. I spent such a wonderful afternoon with this man, but I was not to forget why I stayed in Phoenix despite my longing urge to leave this city, my studies. I told him I had things to do and his persistence went on, not in a bad way though. He wanted to help me finish my paper for a writing class I had. Well, he was an artist so I figured he’d be of great help. I was wrong. “OH WOW now I know why you stuck with playing music and visual arts, you are absolutely terrible” I say, teasing him as I giggle. He really was terrible, but that’s not what I looked at. I looked at how hard he tried despite knowing he wasn’t exactly a good writer. It was cute. He was cute. This infatuation has really gotten over me. “It’s cute you know,” I said, staring at him as he typed on my laptop a few more senseless lines.

“What is?” He asked with a grin on his face.

“When you try like that, but fail in the end,” I answered.

“How is that cute?” He asked, this time, looking at me in the eyes that showed the most interest in what I was saying.

“Because you’re determined, and I find that cute.”

He pinched my nose and said “not as cute as you, you little human bean.” We spent the rest of the night teasing each other and just talking for hours, being with each other like nothing else mattered. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. We were spending most our nights together like this until the next month. We knew each other’s favorites, our interests, our childhood, and even our past, including past relationships. At this point, it was safe to say i loved him. Or at least I thought it was.

It was movie date after park dates after study dates. Although he dropped out of college, he never stopped supporting me in my goals. He understood how college was so important to me, and how I wanted to make things right in college after all my mistakes in high school. He knew that for me, college was the time I wanted to reinvent myself, and he was more than happy to be part of such a life changing period in my life.

Never have I met someone who scarily liked the exact things as I did. He had the same political views, same moral values. Never have I met someone so beautiful, someone who saw wonder in the least wonderful things. You could say we sort of completed each other’s sentences. He was good for me, I knew, because I felt that I was growing as person, becoming more positive around him, and others. We complemented each other, and it was all going good. It truly was as if we were made for each other. We were compatible, but perhaps, too compatible that it scared me too. I thought that somewhere along the way, it might become a problem.

The time came, it seemed as if something kept bothering him. That smile I could never tired of, was gone. Was I doing something wrong? What was it I was lacking? I thought. I just couldn’t bare that I wasn’t making him happy. So one day, I came over to his place, and I decided to confront him. “Why aren’t you happy with me anymore?” I was hoping to hear something like “You’re a bit too clingy” or that he didn’t really like me anymore, or he just simply got bored of me in general. But it wasn’t because of any of those that we just couldn’t be together. It was because of a fragment of his past that kept reappearing in his head every time he looked at me. He told me I was beautiful, and that he had spent his greatest days with me, but it was all too familiar for him.

Before I came into the picture, he had dated this girl named Emma. I had gone to high school with her. No doubt, she was beautiful, kind and smart, which had caused her to be one of the most popular girls in school. However, she had transferred in senior year, and no one knew why. It turned out she had severe anxiety and depression, as Kyle said. This had also become the reason for Kyle to drop out of college. He took care of her. He was so sure about her, that he wanted to spend the rest of his days with her. She had graduated high school and a few months after, he proposed to her. He said he knew they were young, but he had been so sure about his forever with her, that she was his, and he was hers, and nothing could have broken them apart.

I thought we had an invincible love, a love that no one could top, until I saw the way his eyes sparkled talking about Emma. It never sparkled that way when we were together. He had a different glow to him. He was sad talking about this, but he had more life than he ever did going on dates with me. Seeing the way he talked about her, It hurt. It hurt that he couldn’t be that way with me. Though I knew he had feelings for me, it wasn’t enough. It was not the best kind of love he deserved. He deserved Emma, not me.

However, let me tell all of you that during those moments, I was more in awe at how one man could love a woman so much than I was jealous. At that point, I already knew where it was going. We weren’t going to end up together and maybe it was okay. Maybe he’d be better off without me, because I knew at that moment, I wasn’t what he needed. And maybe I never will be.

Moving onto the story, Kyle and Emma plan their small wedding. Emma and her dad drive to pick up her wedding dress days before the wedding, but gets into a major car crash which costs her dad his life. This triggers her depression and long story cut short, she decides that suicide is the best option for her. She was found in the bathtub of her parents’ house lifeless, with a note “I’m sorry, Kyle. Know that i’ll never stop loving you, even in the afterlife. I’ll see you soon.” And of course, Kyle is distraught. The woman she loved so dearly, the woman who he had planned to spend his entire life with, committed the most selfish act of all. Up until now she remains in his heart, and he was never really meant to be mine to begin with. Although they never got married, it was as if they did. He was going to love her, for better or for worse, even after death tried to do them part.

Maybe I’m too busy being yours to fall for somebody new, a line from one of the songs in his playlist which he loved listening to. And now I know why. He couldn’t deny he had feelings for me, for it was too real for it all to just be fake. One thing i’ll always remember in his voice though, is how he bid me goodbye that day.

“You are a beautiful and respectful woman, Marge. I’m so thankful that I met someone like you. Any man, and I mean any man would be so lucky to have you in their life. Although it would have been nice for me to be that man, i’m sorry. I still think about her countless times a day. I see her in you sometimes, and I don’t want that to be the reason I stay with you. I don’t want you to fall in love with someone whose thoughts keep wandering to someone else, more so,someone else who’s long gone. Promise me, Marge, you’ll find someone who’ll give you the world, because I know that’s what you deserve, and exactly what I can’t give you.”

I hugged him tight and gave him a quick kiss. Our first, and last. And maybe also the first and last time i’ll feel that way about someone. And so I told him that there was no need for such an apology. “Maybe we’ll find our way to each other someday,” were the last words I told him.

It hurt, but I knew he was doing this for me. It was a kind act, kind of like mercy killing. I would have endured a greater pain if he hadn’t told me as early. I was never going to forget the genuine happiness he always made me feel whenever i’d be in his presence, and maybe, just maybe, i’ll feel that way again with somebody else, or maybe, with him but in a different time. I was truly hopeful, that maybe it was right love at the wrong time, and if it was right love, maybe the right time will come.

It was sad getting to experience a love so surreal but not having it last for so long, but I don’t regret having met him. He showed me what it was like to truly love someone so deeply. He showed me how beautiful life was, and that we should never stop loving, even after death, may it be your own, or anything/ anyone else around you. Loving was a gift, one that we should practice, even if it hurt. Sometimes there are things that will continue to make love a hard thing to do, but we shouldn’t stop. Alfred Lord Tennyson once said “'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” That experience of mine is one I would never forget, and never regret. Kyle and I remained friends, but months after we decided to remain friends, he seized to travel the world, and I deemed i’d never see him again, nor hear from him.

EPILOGUE

I now write as Margaux, a 34 year old woman, with a stable job in the state of New York, who graduated form the University of Phoenix with awards, like I always pictured myself back then. I write as a married woman, with a loving husband, and 2 amazing children.

I met my husband when I landed my first job in LA. The best part about it is, when I met him, you could tell he had the brightest glow in him, his eyes sparkled whenever he’d see me, and you could feel it in his kiss. It took us 3 years before he proposed to me, and I could never been happier that day I said “I do, Father.”

I write because few years after I got married and had my first child, I received a letter from somewhere in Puerto Rico. It read:

“To the beautiful Margaux,

I heard you got married, and I could never have been happier for you. I’m glad you’ve found someone who will treat you well, much that I couldn’t. I don’t exactly know if you still care but, just as you remember, I left because I traveled the world to find myself. During my first year of travelling, i fell in love with immersing into the different cultures and learning more about each one. I started volunteering at charity foundations in every country I visit, and i’ve become a self-proclaimed journalist now. And I guess travel is whom I’m married to now. Anyway, I hope you’re living the wonderful live you deserved. Write back, so at least I know you got this.

Sincerely,

Kyle”

#fiction #creative writing