#at least hes actually experienced A Trauma for once

[yanderecandystore]

I love the yandere monster story, can I make a wish for some yandere monster boy naga who is looking for a mate to carry his eggs and live the rest of his life together forever?

I don't condone yandere shit irl, but if you bang a naga man someday I'll give you a pass and a cookie, you mad lad. Not proofread enough lmao, also sorry but I really don't know how to type s e x.

Tw/Tags: straight up NSFW/+18 scene (written by someone who struggles to imagine sex- So we don't guarantee quality) // not very descriptive genitals, if at all // the usual yandereness + breeding kink; possessive behavior; manipulation; suffocation; implied oviposition but not really cause I'm dumb // you're a literal desert mailman💀 I'm sorry // brief mentions of troubled family life/past trauma // language barrier // self-conscious reader // willing yet slightly scared reader.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Writing in the sand [Yandere!Male!Naga x AFAB!Messenger!Reader - One shot]

Being a messenger was actually a lot more dangerous than it seemed at first, how many times have you and your camel met with bandits, scammers, difficult terrain, awful weather, people who would tell you the wrong direction for shits and giggles?? MANY times, but did you ever consider quitting and going back to the tea shop of your very judgmental parents or worse- To accept the offer of personal servant to that weird queen from the faraway lands who wouldn't shut up about how much better her kingdom was?? NO!

I mean a little bit. Just a little bit. Occasionally, I mean her kingdom was really pretty, though constant snow sounds like a pain in the ass, and giving up the freedom you currently have for either a strict monarch or your family was NOT something you were planning to do, ever!

The first time you got off the borders to send messages for far away people was the day you truly felt alive for once! The desert itself was your greatest rival and yet you faced it head down after that day- Sure, you were unprepared at first and there's still plenty to learn out there but it was EXCITING!!

You fought (ran away as quickly as you could) many groups trying to get a coin out of your body, or your life! Or your camel!! King Mustard wasn't the same after the "giant scorpion with that group of thieves" incident that happened, the worst part is that it happened twice though the people were different at least. Your personal theory is that the scorpion WAS the same from before, and that it has been following you through your journeys and it probably was looking for revenge!!

You told that story to so many people that now it's hard to go someplace without repeating yourself, it's weird how even though you're never at one place for too long, most people know you! You're, humbly speaking, sort of a big deal in the great drylands- Not known for your bravery but mostly for your constant running mouth and your adapted technique in how to extract cactus juice safely from a cactus with 70% success of no cactus drunkenness! (100% Needle-safe not included).

Stopping in a town was obviously the safest place for you and your camel, but was also probably one of the most rewarding parts of your trips, of course because you always need to have plenty of resources out there in the sand but also because… Well, as much as you loved every second of exploration and travel, you were admittedly a very lonely person.

It's not something you like to tell others, as you have already experienced people doubting your capability of being a messenger if you get so "emotional" over being far away from people ("I told you so!" Yeah, thanks mum.). It was a time you could feel at least safe and… Sometimes welcomed.

But it wasn't always a lonely trip, after all, King Mustard was here! Him with his big personality was always the heart of the party! Everyday was fun with him, even if he couldn't speak to you… However, that doesn't mean you haven't found great comfort in your travels, you probably haven't noticed this yourself yet, but [y/n]...

You are a very dear person.

Every person you've helped along the way in your trips, just by coincidence finding them, and landing them a hand in the hot and harsh reality of the desert thinks of you dearly. You have friends! It's just that you don't see them very often… If at all. The desert has a funny way of getting people closer, people who struggle to survive in its environment, and yet it also drifts them away- The wind blows in every direction separating every small particle of sand, and maybe one day they'll meet again, or maybe not. Cruel was it, with its breathtaking beauty and extremely cold personality for someone so hot and merciless.

You often associate the desert with its forgotten god. You tend to talk about it as a person rather than just an environment of harsh conditions, you always remember to talk to it, hoping it would listen in a way. You were pretty much by yourself out there, but thinking that someone was listening to your travels made you feel safer, perhaps not as tormented as the blazing Sun would leave you to believe. You were being watched, and protected, you just knew it!

The proof of it came from one of the greatest encounters you ever had during your travels.

It was really hot that day, King Mustard seemed really tired and you were melting under the blazing heat- You two needed shelter and fast! And suddenly, as if the gods listened to your prayers!-(But quickly threw you two middle fingers)- An immense sandstorm was approaching!! For someone as cautious as you, you couldn't understand where the hell it came from!! It was so sudden and just- There was no indication of it!! At all!!

You got knocked out, and when you woke up- You were… Somewhere strange, like an underground oasis of sorts, hidden in the desert there was a cave of luscious greenery and drinkable water, it was magical how big the place was!! You thought you had died and went straight to Paradise!!

At least, you thought so when you saw a very large and handsome man staring back at you, smiling gently. He had tanned skin and a REALLY long, almost platinum hair! He looked so gorgeous with his green cat eyes that you almost forgot to breathe!

You asked the man if he was an angel, and he responded to you in a language you didn't understand. You were 100% certain that the man was really an angel and yet when he revealed the lower part of his body your face dropped immediately, terror slightly setting in. He was half snake, half a giant snake at that! His tail seemed endless, those dark scales were so pretty yet so terrifying! The gold markings seemed very regal and holy in nature but the endless darkness almost seemed to eat it all up! Like a demon!

You freaked out at first, but when you looked at his eyes, his gentle face- His expression of concern, those big bright eyes, you noticed he really didn't seem to have any ill intent towards you, perhaps you were misjudging him for something he was not. After breathing in and out, you calmed down, never taking your eyes from him, you felt comforted as you realized this creature was the one who saved you out there! And who saved your camel!! He was still really scared of your snake buddy, but you made sure to soothe him.

Long story short, you became friends with a human-snake guy who seemed genuinely very cool! It's a shame you didn't understand a word he said… You suspect that maybe he speaks in a very ancient language and perhaps this means he was REALLY old!! And yet, he seemed just about your age, and you got to hangout with him during your free time.

Poor thing, he seemed trapped down here (though to be fair, it is a fabulous prison to be in-) and he really wanted to catch up with times! So you made it your duty to help him understand the new world, you have no idea why he is here and how long did he live here separated from the rest of the world, but now that you knew how to get there and how to get out- You made it your mission to teach him everything you knew about the modern world.

And although the language barrier was massive, you two somehow got to learn something very special about each other- He shared with you his name, "Rakaski", and you got to teach him yours.

~"[y/n]"~ His accent was heavy, and yet you felt something flutter inside you whenever you heard him call your name. You remember him repeating your name over and over again as if he wanted to memorize how to say it.

After hearing his name, you made sure to research it, trying to find something that could lead you to know what language he was talking in- But no books nor people seemed to know how to speak it, except for one book you found, a fairytale book that was so old that it was a nightmare trying to understand the vernacular! But it didn't seem like a very "old" old kind of book, it was probably made after the language had changed, there were a lot of words that you didn't recognize.

The book never explained the name's meaning really, but it was always used as a common word- And given the context of the story you read, it seemed to mean either "falling" or "god"? Well, you're not very sure, since the book was confusing as hell, and your interpretation of the story was very mixed- Was it about a desert deity or a man that kept tripping over in the sand?! Seriously, why did it have to be so confusing!?

In the end, you still didn't understand the book and neither did you find out anything about Rakaski's name. At least you know it was older than your home kingdom, which was pretty cool.

Either way, the lack of communication never stopped you from coming down that hidden paradise to talk to your best friend every opportunity you could! King Mustard can be very squeamish whenever you guys try to get down there, he really disliked going there and you assumed it was because he was claustrophobic, which you already knew he was. So, today you'll leave him in the shade and get down by yourself, you don't want to stress the poor thing.

"M-Mustard! King Mustard Junior The Third, stop pushing me around!! You know you're a lot heavier than me! Seriously, this isn't funny!!" Ah, King Mustard, for a camel you're really just a scaredy cat! You push him away gently as you can, he keeps positioning himself in front of the hole you want to jump in.

"Hey stop!! If you don't want to come then fine, but let me get in! Please! I'll be back soon!" The massive animal was starting to get a little too agitated, and you knew better than to try to force your way.

"Mustard, seriously you're starting to scare me, you know I'll be back soon, please let me get down." You don't know if it was the deep magical connection of friendship that made him understand you and realize that he scared you, or if he suddenly felt disinterested in playing with you right now.

Taking by how the camel sassily walked away you're starting to think it was the second option- Of was he genuinely insulted by your stubbornness? Who knows.

"Sigh… You always get like this when we pass by." Though you can't really blame him, you know he still distrusts Rakaski, but come on it's been a year! And Rakaski has never hurt any of you two! Sure, he was a bit intimidating at first but he had a good heart, you just knew that.

Compared to the men back in your hometown? Rakaski was a saint, you were sure of it.

You had slid through the sandy hole and into the luscious underground with ease, you started to call for him, but before you could even yell out "Ra" you saw him not so far away, seemingly very occupied.

"Awn, guess you're decorating! Have I come at a bad time?" You walked to him and joked despite being aware he wouldn't understand you.

The way his face lit up and turned to face you was just so precious, he seemed very excited!

~"[y/n]!! [y/n]!! It's really good to see you again!! I was already worried you would never come."~ He talked just like you, committing the same mistake of talking as if the other would understand- You had no clue what he said, but as he coiled around you and his arms squeezed you oh so dearly you understood exactly what he meant.

"Yeah, yeah- Missed you too-" You never knew how to deal with anything social, period, and being flustered at someone who wasn't even human was not a first but it never got easier. But with him, at least, you feel like you don't need to pretend that you don't feel slightly flustered by his attention. Gods know you're a very easy target for large and very well built men.

After he let you go, you realized he was just building a new nest for him, so you decided to help him as well. It was already pretty much done when you got in, but you felt like he deserved a "fancy" bed so you helped him decorate with flowers and some of the trinkets you bought for him, he just loved human trinkets!

And by the gods, you knew you were currently in Spring, but these flowers?! They were just so damn pretty, it's a real shame that your traveling is mostly done in sand, occasionally though you have to go to the East to deliver important letters and gifts and you just kinda love that place! Every time you go, they're experiencing a different season, and it all changes so much, it's beautiful!!

"Oooh!! Maybe I should bring you flowers from one of the neighboring kingdoms, it'll be a way to show you the world since you can't leave…" You think out loud, and of course, he looks at you a little confused- And yet he repeats the word you said.

"Flowers?" He repeats it as if he didn't understand what you said, yet liked how you said it.

"Yes! Flowers!-" You say pointing to the flowers in his nest and surrounding you two, he quickly understands it, it seems.

~"Oh! Flowers! Oh, that's what it's called to you? Great heaven's, humans are always changing, aren't they?"~ He starts to laugh, you… Sort of don't understand the joke, but perhaps "flowers" just sounds funny to him.

He patted your head as he laughed, as if trying to congratulate you on making him laugh (I mean, getting this man to laugh was a challenge, you bet even without the language barrier).....

Although, it felt more like a "reward" sort of situation… As if he was rewarding you for… Being so entertaining, you suppose! Still, that's probably just all in your head, besides you know well when someone is being condescending to you, you're sure of it! Years inside your family's house has made you a pro in spotting bad apples from far away. I mean, you like to think you do, to be fair Rakaski was a little difficult to read, and sometimes he did things that you probably weren't sure of what they meant.

But then again, he was a very old half snake dude trapped inside a cave somewhere along the rock formations spread all over an unforgiving desert, his social life was probably a lot worse than yours, and who's to say that his antics aren't based on his own culture? Perhaps snake people like to coil around each other to show affection, even if it's really hard to breathe like this.

Things weren't so complicated between you two, however, as you guys have invented a form of simple and more direct communication through pointing to objects and scribbling on paper. You had thought about using sign language, so you learned a couple of words and tried to use with him-

"So- This means that- Hm..?"

But before you could teach him he already was talking to you through hand signs you didn't understand, he was very well adapted and you only knew a few like "hello", "you", "me" and "see you soon"- Which would be the most used one for you two.

"Huh, you always impress me, maybe you should be the one teaching me-" You bowed down, genuinely impressed with what you saw, and he seemed very content with himself as he smugly pretended to wave and throw kisses to a nonexistent audience. His ego was always a bit inflated, wasn't it?

You decided to cut your visit short and return back to King Mustard as you didn't want to leave him waiting for too long. It's funny how neither him nor Rakaski liked each other despite sharing a diva personality. As you waved your goodbye, Rakaski decided to give you one last big hug.

A hug that didn't seem to end at all. His body wrapping around you and leaving you to feel surrounded by darkness. This usually happened so it didn't come as any surprise. You tried to tickle him as that usually worked.

"Come on now, you know I'll be back soon!" You laughed as you tried to provoke him, his belly was so sensitive that you could see him contracting and trying to avoid giggling.

But he didn't let you go. Your attempt only made him restrict you further, the snake body trapping your hands with its weight.

You were well aware of Rakaski's animalistic tendencies, for example he was cold blooded and constantly held you to try to gain some height, like he is doing now.

You know that when he yawns his jaw unhinges and opens so inhumanly wide that you have to close your eyes so you won't have any more nightmares about it.

You know he is nocturnal so he is constantly feeling a little too sleepy whenever you two hangout, as you often come to see him during the day (which was something you did for safety, though you sometimes worry he is having trouble sleeping because of you-).

And you also know that snakes tend to suffocate their prey with their body before eating them whole.

While trying not to judge him as a human eating monster you still feel very, very terrified of the slight chance he might be hungry and has forgotten you're not food. The more you struggle the tighter it gets, and it doesn't help that his skin is so cold, it makes your nerves flare up as you can hear him growling with what you hope is not hunger.

"RAKASKI-!!" You yell, you couldn't help it, you were starting to feel dazed. While closing your eyes you felt his lower body shift and relax, you felt arms hugging you a lot more gently than the suffocating sensation from before. If it wasn't for his lazy eyes and the internal chuckling you can feel in his chest you would say he was actually hungry for you. He was just trying to scare you.

"Sigh, you'll be the death of me- Seriously you scared me to death!" You tried to push him off you, but he basically threw his entire body weight on you as you fell to the ground with your back on the soft yet not very ideally comfortable grass.

"Shhhh~!" He nuzzles on you while hugging your stomach. Normally he would have let you go now after petting your head or pretending to bite your neck just for funsies- But today he is very much not letting you go, at all.

Okay, you really didn't want to address the situation, you weren't planning on ever talking about it of course but- By the gods, you knew better than to assume his playful smile was just his usual silly self.

Oh, who were you kidding, you knew it from the moment you came in and saw the nest he was making, it's not like you haven't noticed his chest rising and falling as if he was struggling to breathe just by talking with you. You wanted to leave because you noticed that perhaps you took the wrong month to visit him.

It was mating season, wasn't it? Why now? Why today?! And why WERE YOU ACTUALLY CONSIDERING IT?!!!

"Okay I think I need to think about this a little more- I mean you're clearly not thinking straight right, I'm not even a snake lady, man!" You try to push him off you as you avoid eye contact, the worst part is that he was fairly attractive for someone's who's lower body was just one huge snake tail.

He wouldn't budge, he only shifted his head to look at your face, even if you were avoiding him you could feel his smirk creeping around the corner of your vision, you wouldn't be surprised if he knew what you also knew.

I mean, it wasn't a secret you liked him was it? You thought you didn't mind him noticing this but this sudden desire just feels like it's happening all too fast and you're worried it might be just a one time thing, that he is acting like this out of instinct not out of actual desire towards you. And well you never really did this before, I mean not with someone like him, at all! But you had experiences with people before.

Bad experiences. The ones that would leave someone worried for years that they're not good enough to anyone. Were you being cautious or were you just being self-conscious? Were you scared of him not liking you when this high of his diminished? Maybe you just weren't sure if this was a good idea.

"I don't know if I'm really ready for this." You confess, looking back at him- Hoping to find your answer.

And he looked back at you with a sad expression, did he understand what you said? Did he understand what you meant at least? He looked so concerned and genuinely "awake" despite his current very urgent instincts. He held your hand and kissed it for reassurance, you didn't notice you were crying until your vision was blurry and your chest was aching.

"Sorry.." You tried to wipe them yourself, you don't know why you're apologizing. Rakaski didn't seem to take it well, he was about to say something before shaking his head vigorously and wiping your tears himself. He came closer to look you in the eyes, stop staring elsewhere, you won't find comfort anywhere else but those eyes.

He decides to come off of you and give you some space despite his initial reluctance, the gentle and almost warm presence of reassurance leaving with him- And before he could give you space you decided to make the first move yourself.

You kissed him, hoping perhaps he would understand the gesture, and he did! He hugged you and kissed you back returning your neediness… Though coming in with a lot more desperation than you thought. Not seconds after forcing his tongue in despite your unisseanes.

I mean, it 's good! He isn't being horrific at it is just that you have underestimated how badly he seemed to want this. And although you're just as interested in this as he is, you're worried you may not hold to the same durability as he has.

Today was the day. Today had to be day, and he wouldn't have it any other way. To wait longer would be torture and you best believe this man was patient. He wasn't expecting you to almost reject him at first of course, oh you almost gave the immortal a heart attack!

He shouldn't have been so pushy, he knows that, but having your soft lips on his was so worth it that he couldn't help himself as he pinned you down again, ah… It's a shame the nest is so far away, this is not a very classy way to do things.

Then again, ripping off your clothes with no regards was probably not very refined either, humans needed a lot more courting than he was aware of- But it was fine! You were doing just great, you were being so good to him, he wishes he could praise you in your own language so you could understand him.

~"You're so lovely for something so fragile, thank you for accepting me- You have no idea how long I've spent being trapped here knowing damn well there's not a single other like me out there."~ He would praise you in his own tongue in frantic breaths while kissing your neck and nibbling in your ear, while his lower body made sure to lock you in place, you were a little scared, weren't you?

~"I'm genuinely sorry for having to put you in this position but I can't take it anymore- But I know you want this as well, I know you do!"~ He usually was very talkative, but there was something in his voice that sounded shaky, desperate, and his hands were too confused on where and what to grab that you noticed he seemed just as inexperienced as you were.

Well, at least you thought so before he spread your legs and started to rock back and forth in your lower region- It's not exactly that he is inexperienced, but he is very much off his mind right now- His movements aren't uncertain, they're just frantic for any release. Not that he won't tend to you as well, he just really needs this right now. But you'll understand, you always do. You always treat him so well, despite the monster he has become.

~"It'll hurt, and I'm not sure if it's only a little. I promise to make it worth it later to you."~

You were struggling to keep up with his weird and off putting rhythm- He was just so ready for this, it's been on his mind ever since he found you unconscious inside his natural prison, but he knew better than to be selfish to someone he'll have to share a nest with.

~"It'll be great don't worry, I'll make sure you'll be well taken care of. It'll be incredible, my treasure."~

You shivered when he went from humping your lower region to undressing kissing it almost as passionately as he did your mouth- He should probably move a little slower considering he changes activities way too quickly but hey it felt better than the awkward dry humping.

It wasn't bad, but it lacked a bit of finesse- Not like his careful and calculated attention to your privates right now-

"Humans need a lot more work than I remember, but does that mean we can make it last longer? Would you want that, treasure? [y/n]?" Rakaski was playing with it almost as if he never looked at something like a naked human before, but it was a lie- He was absolutely just trying to tease you with every poke and flick.

He ran his finger down slowly before reaching an opening and pulling it inside, at least one to feel you inside. It's lovely that you arch your back to the littlest of things, and although he doesn't understand your words, moans are hardly hard to misinterpret.

"Slower then? I guess I was being too unprepared, I'll be honest that it's more fun than I expected. If this is the work I have to do every time then I'll gladly accept." Human courting was fascinating to him, though now he understands why, he can't just expect you to take it all in with a little help- And helping someone never tasted so sweet.

You were feeling embarrassed by his stare as he licked you out and further tried to spread you- Trying to ease the inevitable soreness that would come but damn, did he have to look at you like that?! It made you feel a little dirty, a little too embarrassed to entertain his idea, for someone who seemed so eager to shove it in without any foreplay he was really taking his time now!

You grabbed his hair carefully, you didn't really notice what you were doing and to be honest you weren't sure how to continue with this but Rakaski looked at you in awe… His smugness was replaced with a look of pure adoration- His pupils wide and round as he expects you to guide him.

It gave you a bit more confidence knowing he trusted you to hold his head and sort of help him find the right pacing.

You don't remember for how long it went, you just remember that it ended with you on top of him, going at your own pace. He held your hips not stopping you to go as fast or as slow as you wanted but rather because he felt very uncomfortable NOT holding every centimeter of you. He needed to grab into something and your sweet flesh was exactly that.

You woke up in his nest, feeling a little disoriented, memories of what happened a little foggy, but you were sure it wasn't a dream considering the soreness in your thighs- It was hard moving.

You sighed, feeling weirdly satisfied- Well, that's not the right word, more like… Well, genuinely happy.

You tried around, and you saw Rakaski curled up into a ball, sleeping so peacefully and yet with that little mischievous smirk in his face you just knew he was dreaming about it.

You turned your body to face him, deciding to close your eyes and sleep a little more.

Until you remembered you left your camel outside.

"HOLY GODS, KING MUSTARD!!" You jumped up, trying to run as quickly as you could towards the entrance- But you couldn't even leave the nest when Rakaski wrapped his tail on you and pulled you closer.

"WAIT! It 's my camel!! I forgot I left him-"

"Stay." He said in a very half awake voice.

"You can talk…?"

"Stay." Rakaski wrapped himself around you, as he buried his face in your neck. You weren't sure if he was understanding what you said, or if he only understood the meaning of that one word.

"Rakaski, I'm just going to check on him, I'll be back soon, I promise-" You pushed his chest away. You shouldn't have done that.

Rakaski tightened his grip around your body.

"Stay. [y/n]. You're not supposed to walk so soon. Stay still, no mother should walk so early after mating…" He still sounds so sleepy, so innocent, but his half opened gaze was not… friendly.

"Rak- AH!-" Tighter, and tighter, and more tighter. He knows damn well that whenever you get to that camel you're leaving him for gods know how long, but as he stated before, soon to be mothers shouldn't walk around in the dead of night especially since he knows humans don't deal well with the coldness of the desert during this hour.

It's better to stay here and let him take care of you while you're now waiting for his kids, even if you aren't aware of it. He isn't sure how long hybrids take to be born, but he wasn't to be there for you every step of the way.

"Shhhh…. Go back to sleep, stop struggling, it is not good for you…" He kissed you goodnight as he suffocated you back to sleep.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

#yandere naga #yandere monster #choco stuff #special delivery request #yandere naga x reader #yandere male #yandere monster x reader #yandere oneshot #Jesus Christ this must have SO MANY mistakes I'm so sorry #I'll iron it out real soon tho #also THANK YOU FOR LIKING MY MONSTER STUFF I LOVE YOU JSGDGJQSGJQSFQ

[scary-lasagna]

I LOVED THE VAMPIRE POST SMM. So like would Liu, EJ, BEN and Jeff let their vampire s/o bite them and drink their blood?

Homicidal Liu

Liu is squeamish when it comes to blood due to his past trauma of obvious reasons.

And even with a high pain tolerance, he wouldn't voluntarily allow himself to be bitten.

Many risks come with the first bite; An artery could be sliced, blood infection, too much blood loss, you hate the way his blood tastes so therefore you will hate him forever.

That last one was just Liu's imgaination running wild, but all together it's pretty risky.

He might offer a test bite, not a full chomp, but a little nibble on his arm to see how it feels. A pinprick was all he could describe it as.

But he quickly backed out once he caught wind of the blood trickling down his arm.

He might allow a second attempt, but not anytime soon. 

Sully, however, is a different story. He would let you drink this body dry, and force Liu forward in the middle of it just to be a sadistic asshole. 

Either way, they're both willing to try at least once.

Eyeless Jack

Jack doesn't think that you would enjoy his blood very much.

Much like the liquid that seeps from his eye sockets, his blood has a tar-like consistency. 

It wouldn't go down easy, and if your body rejects it since it's not truly 'blood', it won't come back up easy either.

Ultimately, Jack says no due to your safety. It just too big of a risk for Jack to feel comfortable letting you take a bite out of him.

Jelly donuts are better, anyway. Especially at 3am while everyone else is asleep.

BEN

BEN will act tough and dominant up until it's actually time for you to bite him.

He'll get squirmy and find excuses to delay the inevitable now that he's talked the big talk and agreed to do it.

You'll of course call him out on it, and will nervously sit down and away from his stack of DS games that he wanted to organize alphabetically. 

"Are you sure you want to do this?" You ask him, with a comforting hand on his knee.

"Yeah.." Ben sighs and rubs the back of his neck with a nervous tic. " I'm just afraid it'll hurt or I make a weird noise or something." He chuckles lightly.

"We can start, and if you want to stop we can and I won't judge you for it." You reassure. "Or we can do blood lettings which doesn't involve biting."

"It's that like plague doctor shit, though?"

"Well yeah but it doesn't invol-"

"Just take a bite, babe."

He trusts you with all of his heart. And he lets you take a bite.

And yes, he does make a weird sound.

Jeff

Oh hell yeah, fucking go for it.

No questions asked.

Jeff thinks it's hardcore, and frankly, he's not experienced enough to know the dangers of blood letting or blood biting. He just thinks your hot and that you wanna bite him.

And honestly? Go for it. He's probably got a few diseases lurking in there but you're immortal so it doesn't affect you.

He would urge you to keep going even after he feels light headed, just ot see how long he can stay awake.

Jeff can be an extremely convincing individual, but do not trust him.

He can and will pass out and then you will have to call Eyeless Jack and explain everything to him.

He will not be happy.

Jeff will try to kiss him thinking that he's you.

And then Jeff will get swatted away and start crying out of rejection 

#soryr if there's any inconsistencies #it's been a hot minute #creeepypasta #creepypasta x reader #vampire!y/n #vampire!s/o #ben drowned x reader #jeff the killer x reader #jeff x reader #ben x reader #eyeless jack x reader #liu woods x reader #homicidal liu x reader #sully x reader #creepypasta #y/n #jeff the killer x y/n #creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta imagines #creepypasta blog

[paperclipninja]

I can't believe I forgot one of the most significant moments (imo) when I was mulling over duality etc here, and that is when Crowley goes up to Heaven to try and figure out what's going on. Actually, it's more than just multiple layers of truth. Yes there are a couple of truths at play, but as an audience we are given SO much information in this scene that it's almost hard to take it all in so I'm going to try and lay it out.

Here is what we learn in the whole scene:

Crowley knows that Muriel is a scrivener, including that they're 37th class. How?? Up until Crowley tricking Muriel into taking him to Heaven, there'd been no conversation about their angelic status

Crowley has a solid understanding of the way Heaven works and how to get around it (bees/once you're in, that they never change passwords etc)

Crowley has access to high level files

Saraqael seems to have a fondness? towards Crowley and allows him to view the trial, let's him know what happened and tells Muriel off but also not really

We get all the info about Gabriel and what happened

That Heaven wipes memories when demoting angels

When the alarm goes off because Aziraphale uses his halo, Crowley declares 'let's get back there' and directs Saraqael, 'you too' and they follow without question (though Crowley's original plan may have been to go and get Heavenly reinforcement but still, interesting the way he takes control and they just listen)

So the overarching duality in this scene - yes it is hilarious, the way Crowley gets Muriel to take him to Heaven in the first place and of course this whole situation:

but it's also an incredible act of love.

The entire season establishes unmistakably that Crowley has some very real trauma from his experience of being in Heaven as Aziraphale and cast into the hellfire, highlighted through his reactions to JimGabriel. Not to mention his history with Heaven and all that.

So in trying to come up with a solution to the demons attacking the bookshop, knowing that Heaven no longer have any real interest in helping Aziraphale, he willingly goes up there, the place he has made his feelings about very clear, to try and find some answers.

Yes this is a demonstration of Crowley's love for Aziraphale but it's also a demonstration of his love of humans and humanity. He puts aside his own feelings, takes a real risk (because he couldn't have known how any of the senior angels might respond to him being there...could he? Or what if the Metatron had seen him there? That's another pondering for another day...) and goes to the one place he has outright said he doesn't want to go back to, just to try and find a way to protect the humans and help Aziraphale.

THIS, to me, is the entire crux of where this is all heading. It's exactly the same reason Aziraphale gets in that lift. At the end of the day, Crowley and Aziraphale love humanity and want to protect it, even if it means risking themselves.

The multiple truths of this scene actually create a distraction I think. The humour of Crowley's outfit and little prancy toes make us think this is a light and funny moment, while we're also delighted by his subversion of Heavens 'rules' and processes and the revelations about Gabriel. It is both funny and informative. It does give us hints about Crowley's past while moving the current story forward.

But I think it's easy to miss the actions here, and that is that Crowley, who was cast out of Heaven, witnessed the ease with which they continue to cast angels into hellfire, saw the callousness of the Supreme Archangel as he condemned his best friend to no longer exist, put aside all he's witnessed and experienced because of love.

This is a love story. The love story of an angel and a demon, yes, but the love story of two entities, hereditary enemies, who fall in love with humanity and whose love for one another will give them the strength to protect it. At least, that's my take on it anyway :)

#good omens #good omens meta #crowley #aziraphale #I just have a lot of feelings right now #aziracrow #this is a love story

[raaorqtpbpdy]

What Fades, and What Never Will

After Danny's accident, he starts acting strangely, and after exhausting all their other options, Jack and Maddie call upon a long-time friend who once had a portal accident of his own to try and get Danny to open up.

For the Prompts: In another universe, Maddie and Jack did visit Vlad in the hospital, and stayed in contact. What happens when Danny has his accident 20 years later? [from @kinglazrus]

After the accident, the Fentons can't help but notice something wrong with Danny. And since Danny also has that terrible symptom of "being a teenager", he refuses to tell them anything. So they reach out to the only person who could possibly help: an old friend in Wisconsin. [from Mimca]

And Like Danny, Vlad also has an unfading death scar—several of them, actually. Dozens of pock scars mar his skin all over his body, a permanent reminder of his slow, painful death from ecto-acne. [from me :)]

Read also on Ao3

[Warnings for mentions of past trauma/death, and past hospitalization]

Danny's accident had given his parents quite the scare. Their son nearly dying put a serious damper on the excitement of their portal working properly, to say the least.

But after that, even though Danny insisted he was fine, and the doctors said he was in the clear, medically—they couldn't help noticing that there was something wrong with him. Maybe that was a bit harsh, maybe it would be kinder to say there was something off with him, or something different about him. But whatever it was that was different about him... it seemed very wrong.

Maybe it was like Jazz said, and he was just traumatized from the accident and isolating from his family as a coping mechanism after his parents' invention had caused him so much distress. But if that were the case... why was he going into the lab so often? Much more often than before, and it didn't seem to bother him at all to be in a place where he'd experienced so much... distress.

They tried several times to talk to Danny about it, but he also appeared to be exhibiting unrelated symptoms like 'being a teenager', which of course meant he refused to tell them anything and suggested that they, 'butt out of his business' when they pressed even a little bit.

After about a month of trying and failing to get through to Danny in any way shape or form while whatever was going on with him only seemed to get worse, they decided to call in some back-up. As it happened, Danny wasn't the only person they knew who'd had an... unfortunate experience involving an experimental ghost portal. 

Maybe... hopefully, their old friend from Wisconsin could help.

After a month of complete failure to connect, Jack and Maddie started to think that maybe he was the only person who possibly could.

Although they stayed in fairly regular contact with him, they still hesitated to ask him to come all the way out to Amity Park from another state entirely. But Vlad seemingly thought nothing of making the trip out to see them and have a chat with their boy.

After his own accident with the proto-portal, they were the only friends of his who didn't cut ties with him because they found him too grotesque to look at. They'd visited him in the hospital often, and gave the doctors all their research in the hopes that it might help cure him. Although the doctors hadn't asked, and Jack and Maddie were pretty sure they'd just thrown all the research away.

Eventually, Vlad's ecto-acne went away, although it was years before it vanished entirely. He was always terribly self-conscious about it. He refused to be in any of their wedding photos because of it, even though he was the best man. 

And even when the ecto-acne itself finally went away, it left scars, dozens, maybe hundreds of them. Vlad often complained that he had to spend a small fortune on foundation and concealer to keep them covered, even though Jack insisted they made him look cool and mysterious. Vlad argued that they made him look sickly and unkempt.

It would be good to see him again after so long. Oh, sure, they called and e-mailed each other all the time, but they hadn't seen Vlad in person since they moved to Amity Park. Danny had only been four years old at the time, so he almost certainly didn't even remember the man, even though Vlad was his and Jazz's godfather.

Two days after reaching out to him, late Saturday morning, there was a knock on the door. Jazz was the one who answered. It took her a moment to recognize the tall, gray-haired man in a fancy suit standing there, but eventually she did.

"Uncle Vlad?" she asked. "We haven't seen you in ages. What are you doing here?"

"Your parents called me the other day and asked me to come down," he replied easily. "I heard about poor Daniel's accident. They were hoping I might be able to commiserate with him, since I was in a similar unfortunate accident myself with our prototype portal many years ago." 

Jazz nodded slowly. "That... could be good for him. Personally, I'm pretty sure it was a traumatic experience for him, but he won't talk to anyone about it."

Vlad's expression was sympathetic. "It would be a traumatic experience for anyone. May I come in?"

"Oh, right," Jazz stepped aside to let him through the door into the house. "Sorry."

"Think nothing of it," Vlad said. "Are you parents around? I'd like to say hello."

"Down in the lab," Jazz told him, pointing to the basement door.

He nodded his thanks, remarked how good it was to see her, and what a lovely young woman she'd grown into since he last saw her, and then headed down into the lab to talk to her parents.

"Maddie?" he called down. "Jack?"

"Vladdie!" Jack shouted.

As soon a Vlad reached the bottom of the stairs, he was tackled in a massive bear hug. His arms were pinned to his sides and the breath squeezed out of his lungs.

"Let go of me you big oaf!" he wheezed out.

Jack dropped him with a good-natured laugh, and Vlad gasped for air for a bit before chuckling with him.

"It's good to have you over, Vlad," Maddie said, though she didn't move from where she was standing over a laboratory apparatus. "I would walk over to greet, but I'm holding volatile chemicals at the moment. Just give me a minute to stabilize the experiment." 

"It's quite alright, Maddie, dear," Vlad said. "Don't rush on my account; especially not where volatile chemicals are involved."

"Thank goodness you're here, Vladdie," Jack said excitedly. "I'll finally get to show you all the new inventions we've made since moving here."

Vlad gave him blundering old friend an amused smile. "And approximately what percentage of these inventions actually function as intended?"

Jack looked sheepish, though the excitement didn't fade from him.

"Oh, but here, I thought you asked me to come all the way down from Wisconsin to talk to your Daniel," Vlad added. "Perhaps seeing all your hundreds of failed inventions and a dozen or so working ones can wait?"

"I guess so," Jack agreed, though he seemed very reluctant.

"Yes about Danny," Maddie said. 

She'd apparently finished at the apparatus and was carrying a rack of test-tubes to the nearby freezer to be stored until the next phase of her experiment.

"We told you he had an accident in the new ghost portal," Maddie said. "I thought we'd disconnected the power source before leaving it unsupervised, but I guess not. The doctors say he'd fine, physically, and Danny insists he's fine, too, but... something just doesn't seem right with him anymore. Jazz says he's traumatized, but he doesn't seem anxious in the lab at all, so we're just not sure. 

"Obviously he won't talk to us, but we were hoping, if you told him about your own experience, that he might be willing to talk to you."

Vlad nodded thoughtfully. "You know, he probably doesn't remember me," he pointed out. "To him, I'll be a stranger prying into something he probably doesn't want to even think about, let alone discuss."

"We know it's probably a long shot, but we had to try something, you know?" Maddie looked more worried than Vlad had seen her since he was still laid up in the hospital. "I'm just... I'm worried about him. We all are. He's been acting so strangely lately, cagey and short-tempered, maybe it is just stress, but it can't be healthy for him to keep it all bottled up. You'll at least try, won't you?"

Vlad looked at her distraught expression and nodded once, firmly. "I'll try," he agreed. "But if Daniel does talk to me, and he asks that I not relay what we talk about to his parents, I won't violate his trust."

Maddie shook her head, a sigh of relief escaping her. "That's fine," she said. "We don't need to know everything. We just want him to have someone he can talk to, so he doesn't have to bottle everything up. Right, Jack?"

"Absolutely," Jack agreed. "Whatever's best for Danny is good enough for us."

"Alright then," Vlad said. "Is he here now?"

"I think he's out with his friends right now," Maddie said. "He'll be back for dinner though. At least, he'd better be."

He removed his jacket and hung it on a hook next to a lab coat, which he put on in its place. It must've been Jack's judging by the way he practically drowned in it, but he rolled up the sleeves without complaint and ignored the way the bottom of it touched the floor when he bent his knees even a little bit.

"Then, for now, how about I give you both a hand in the lab," he suggested. "Where might I find a spare set of safety goggles?"

—

Danny was late for dinner, but he didn't miss it at least. The Fentons weren't really a regular family dinners kind of household, so when they told Danny they would be having a family dinner tonight, he knew there would be consequences for skipping out. Still, he was surprised to see a mysterious, well-dressed guest at the table when he hurried into the kitchen.

"Uh... hi?" Danny greeted, awkwardly taking a seat between his dad and his sister.

"Daniel, so nice of you to join us," the stranger greeted with a smile. "You know I think this is the best chicken casserole your mother's ever made."

"Not that it's a very high bar," Maddie joked.

"Don't say that, Maddie," the stranger said. "You're a... perfectly adequate cook."

Maddie laughed out loud.

"Um, not to be rude or anything, but... who's this?" Danny asked, jerking a thumb over at the stranger.

"Oh, that's right, you wouldn't remember Vlad," his mother told her. "He's our friend from college, and you kids' godfather. He was really close with the family when we lived in Wisconsin, but since we moved, he mostly just talks with me and your father over e-mail. I'm sure we've mentioned him before."

Danny did vaguely recognize the name Vlad. This was probably the same Vlad his dad called Vladdie and gushed about while his kids tuned

"Yes, the last time I saw you, Daniel, you were only four years old," Vlad said. "At risk of sounding like an out-of-touch old man, you've certainly grown since I saw you last."

"Yeah, that tends to happen in ten years," Danny pointed out. He narrowed his eyes at Vlad, scrutinizing him. "What brings you all the way out to Amity Park?"

"Oh, I was doing some business a couple towns over, and figured since I was so close, I might as well pay a visit to some old friends."

It was a perfectly plausible excuse, especially since Danny was pretty sure his parents had mentioned their Vlad was some kind of businessman. It didn't ease Danny's suspicions at all.

Throughout dinner, Vlad maintained a casual, friendly conversation with the rest of the family, easily defusing Danny's loaded, accusatory questions. When dinner was over, Danny went straight up to his room. He'd had a long day and was hoping to turn in early, even though he knew he wouldn't be able to actually fall asleep until well after midnight, if he slept at all.

He wasn't expecting a knock on his bedroom door a few minutes later.

Vlad being on the other side of it was less of a surprise. He glared at Vlad, but the man seemed completely unperturbed.

"I have a confession to make," he said.

"Oh yeah? I'm shocked," Danny replied sarcastically.

"I didn't want to bring it up in front of everyone and put you on the spot," Vlad said. "But the truth of the matter is that your parents asked me to come in the hopes that I might be able to talk to you, commiserate, I suppose, about your recent accident in their lab."

"And why on earth would I talk to you about about it?"

"Because I know what you're going through," Vlad replied.

"No offense—actually, yes offense," Danny said, "but I'm pretty sure you have no idea what I'm going through."

Vlad raised an eyebrow, and then his blue eyes glowed a sinister red. Danny gasped and his eyes blew wide in shock.

"No offense, Daniel," he said, "but I'm pretty sure I do." He let the light fade and smiled, a little smug, but not unkindly. "May I come in?"

Danny nodded mutely and let Vlad through before closing the door behind him.

"You're like me," he said incredulously. "How?"

"The portal in which you had you own accident was not the first your parents made," Vlad began to explain. He straightened up Danny's blankets before taking a seat on his bed. "When we were in college, the three of us formed a paranormal science club, and we made a prototype portal. It didn't work, but it did turn on and... badly injured me when it did so. 

"Your father turned it on, actually. He got a little over-excited and hit the button prematurely. I was very angry at him about it for a while, but... bygones." He shrugged. 

Danny continued to stand in the center of his room, staring openly at the man who'd already made himself comfortable and was casually describing what must've been a horrific accident—if it was anything like Danny's, that is—as if it were nothing more than another boring anecdote about his past.

"I spent years in the hospital after my accident," Vlad continued. "Your parents were the only people who ever visited me. I was so unsightly after my own accident that all my other quote-unquote 'friends' couldn't stand to look at me."

"You look alright now," Danny observed.

"Ha!" Vlad barked a short laugh. "Not without effort, I assure you."

"Do my parents know you're—"

"Oh, heavens no, can you imagine the embarrassment?" Vlad scoffed. "Of all the things to do me in, ecto-acne was what did it. No, bad enough I had to suffer the nasty condition for so long, nobody needs to know how much it truly affected me."

"Ecto-acne?" Danny questioned.

Vlad waved him off. "Never mind that. Now that I've told you my story, would you care to share yours?"

"I..."

Vlad patted the empty space on the bed next to him. "You can lock the door if you're worried about someone coming in."

"No, you'll just tell my parents," Danny said. "You're their friend, not mine."

"If you don't want me to tell them, I won't tell them," Vlad refuted. "In fact I said as much to them earlier today. Death, even half-death is a very personal thing, and no matter how close I am to your parents, I would never disregard your privacy in such a matter. I may be their friend, but I'm your godfather."

"You promise you won't tell them anything?" Danny asked.

"I promise," Vlad confirmed, then smiled lightly. "Cross my heart and hope to die." 

He patted the bed beside him again, but this time Danny sat. He didn't speak at first, but after a long moment of getting his thoughts in order, he opened his mouth an began to tell his story.

"My friends and I were just... messing around I guess," he said. "I told them about my parents portal, and how they were upset because it didn't work, and they wanted to see it, so I showed them. Sam wanted to get some pictures, and she asked if she could get one of me inside. At first, I said no because I thought it might be dangerous, but... I figured the portal didn't work anyway, and it would be kind of cool, so I did it.

"She got her picture, but then, on my way out... I guess I put my hand on the wall. I don't know what happened, I felt something move under my fingers and then... the portal turned on."

"You were inside it at the time?" Vlad asked, sounding surprised. "Standing fully inside?"

"Yeah," Danny confirmed. "You weren't?"

Vlad shook his head. "No, the prototype portal was only about as big as a desktop computer monitor. I couldn't have stood inside if I wanted to. I was standing in front of it when it turned on, and it... well, I suppose you could say it quite literally blew up in my face."

"Oh..." Danny got real quiet for a moment, and then asked, "Do you still remember how painful it was when it turned on?"

Vlad stiffened, and he got a faraway look on his face. "Every day," he replied. "That agony has stayed with me for twenty years."

"That's comforting," Danny grumbled.

Vlad tilted his head in acknowledgement. "I wish I could give you better news, but something that changes you on such a fundamental level was never going to simply fade away."

"The scar will, though, right?" Danny asked. "He pulled up his sleeve to reveal an angry red Lichtenberg figure sprawling across his forearms and disappearing under his sleeve. "The doctors said it should fade in a day or two, but it's been a month now and.... But you said the portal blew up in your face, and I don't see any scars there, so it will fade, won't it?"

That scar felt like it was staring at Vlad even harder than he was staring at it. His eyebrows drew together in sympathy and anguish. He reached into his pocket and his fingers closed around the small make-up kit he always carried around for touch ups.

"I'm afraid not, my boy," Vlad said apologetically, and pulled up his own sleeve to reveal the pock marks scattered on his forearm. "I use make-up to cover the ones on my face, but death scars never fade. Be grateful you only have the one."

Danny stared down at the marks with despair written all over his face.

"If it's any consolation, you do get used to them," Vlad assured him, pulling his sleeve back down to cover the marks. "It will always remind you of what happened every time you see it, and the memories will always hurt, but the pain, like all pain, gets boring after a while, and starts to carry less weight."

"Really?" Danny covered up his own scar again, but looked up a Vlad hopefully.

"Yes, really," Vlad said. "Humans are the most adaptable creatures on the planet, and, despite everything, you are still human to some extent. As am I."

Danny smiled a bit at that. He'd be ruminating on the fact that he wasn't fully human anymore for the past month, and the reminder that he was still human, at least in part, was more than welcome. It was a nice reprieve, actually.

"How long did it take for you to realize you had changed?" Vlad asked. "Not long, I suspect."

"No, not long at all," Danny said with a slight laugh. "I went into the portal human and came out a ghost, so that was my first clue. When Jazz and my parents came down in a rush after hearing my screams, I was able to change back just on impulse, although I had no idea how I did it at the time. I think maybe I just passed out and turned human automatically.

"Then I got rushed to the hospital."

"So... it was instantaneous for you?" Vlad asked, his brows furrowed in confusion.

"Yeah... it wasn't for you?"

"No, it wasn't," Vlad said, his shoulders slumped and his face fell. "My... condition took much longer to kill me than that. It was years before it had run its course and I discovered how it had changed me and what I could do."

As soon as he saw the pity on Danny's face, Vlad averted his gaze. It had been twenty years since his accident. He didn't need pity anymore. He never had.

"That sounds awful," Danny observed.

Vlad almost laughed at how obvious the statement was.

"Yes, quite," he agreed. "But I've had plenty of time to come to terms with it. You, on the other hand, are still in the existential angst part of your journey. 'What am I? Where do I belong? What do I do with myself? How should I use these powers? Did I even deserve to half-survive? Should something like me even exist?' these questions and more keeping you up into the wee hours of the night. Am I close?"

"Dead on, actually," Danny said, his shoulders sagging. "I haven't been sleeping very well lately."

Vlad put his hands behind him and leaned back slightly on the bed.

"Well that's in part because you simply don't need as much sleep as you once did," Vlad noted. "The more time you spend in your ghost form, the less sleep your human form needs. It's all to do with the delegation of energy. 

"Ghosts and humans regain energy and use energy in ways that are too different to be compatible with each other. Your human brain, body, and internal functions can't consume energy when you're in ghost form, so you don't need to recharge as much in human form, and vice-versa. You may have noticed you don't get hungry as much as you used to either."

"Yeah, actually," Danny confirmed, a little incredulous.

Vlad smiled at him. "I had to figure all this out on my own, but if you accept my help, you won't have to go through all the trial and error that I did. I'm more than happy to teach you. 

"I'm only planning on staying in Amity park for a few days because I do have to get back to my business eventually, but I'll give you my contact information, direct line so you won't have to go through my assistants. That way, if you have any questions, or need help with anything, you can reach out to me, and I'll do my best to answer any question you may have."

For a long moment, Danny just stared at Vlad, like he was trying to see through the thick layer of make-up on his face to the scars beneath. Vlad inhaled deeply and tried not to squirm under the teenager's gaze.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Danny asked. "Just 'cause you're friends with my parents? You barely know me."

"For the same reason you were willing to open up to me, even though you don't have any memories of me before today, I suppose," Vlad answered with a shrug. "It's... it's a relief to know that I'm not alone anymore, especially after all the years. It's terribly lonely to be one-of-a-kind, isn't it?"

Danny nodded and looked down at the floor.

"Besides, even if we don't know each other very well anymore, I'm still your godfather," Vlad reminded him. "I do rather have a responsibility to be nice to you, even if you were a wretched, awful boy, which, thankfully, you don't seem to be."

The not wretched, not awful boy chuckled softly.

"Now, is there anything else you want to talk about?" Vlad asked. "It's getting fairly late."

Danny shook his head. "But uh... thanks for coming all this way just to talk to me."

"I would have flown in from another country," Vlad assured him. He stood up from the bed and straightened his clothes. "Would you uh... like a... hug or something? Physical affection isn't really my forté, but—"

"No," Danny cut him off. "No hugs, thanks."

"Good, good," Vlad agreed awkwardly. "Ah!"

He reached into his pocket and took out one of his business cards. On the back, he wrote his personal phone and email address, along with the words 'direct line', so that Danny would be able to reach him directly.

"Hold onto that, reach out whenever you need to," he said, handing the card to Danny. "Might I suggest that, now that you don't need as much sleep as you used to, you use the extra time to work on your homework? Your parents tell me your grades have been slipping since the accident, and while that's perfectly understandable, you really ought to try to maintain at least a 'C' average. 

"Trust me, you don't want to be in high school any longer than is absolutely necessary, I assure you. Your life will improve dramatically after high school graduation, and anyone who says 'high school is the best years of your life' is an idiot of the highest caliber. I spent a good portion of my college years hospitalized, and it was still better than high school. You do not want to be held back a year."

"Noted," Danny said, looking vaguely horrified at the prospect. "I'll get going on that homework."

Vlad nodded curtly and left the room. He headed down the hall to Jack and Maddie's bedroom, but of course they hadn't gone to bed yet, so instead he headed down to the lab to say goodbye before he went to his hotel for the night. They had offered him their couch, since they didn't have a guest room, but he had politely refused. It wasn't as if he needed to save money on this trip, and the four-star hotel he'd found was much more comfortable than their old, stained couch.

"Still working into the wee hours, I see," he commented when he reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Vladdie!" Jack greeted, boisterously as always. "How did it go with Danny."

"It went very well," Vlad replied. "After I told him about my experience, he was willing to open up to me about his—although as I expected, he asked me to keep it between us. Still, I think you'll find his demeanor will start to improve now that he had some one he can relate to. He'll probably never be exactly as he was before, but no one ever is."

Maddie stepped over and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. "Thank you Vlad, truly," she said into his ear, and he blushed so hard he feared that Jack might see it through his many layers of foundation. "You're a life-saver."

He cleared his throat when she let him go. Even after all these years of being happily friends with her and Jack, his feelings for her hadn't gone away entirely. They probably never would.

"Think nothing of it," he said. "I'm always happy to come to the aid of my god-children, and to you."

She smiled at him, and Jack gave him a hearty pat on the back that nearly bowled him right over. Another thing that hadn't changed after all these years was that Jack still didn't know his own strength.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I only came down for a brief chat and to say goodbye—"

"No! You're leaving already Vladdie?" Jack looked positively crestfallen.

"Relax, Jack," Vlad said. "I'm only going to my hotel for the night. I'll be back tomorrow. The three of us have a lunch appointment, remember? And I agreed to go bowling with you on Saturday. I'm staying in town for six days, you dope." He shook his head, though he couldn't deny it was just a bit fond.

"Oh, hehe. Right," Jack said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "We'll see you tomorrow, then."

"Wouldn't miss it, Jack," Vlad said. "And it's been a delight as always, Maddie. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Vlad!" they both called up after him as he ascended the basement stairs with a hidden smile.

#danny phantom #dp #danny fenton #badger cereal #vlad plasmius #maddie fenton #jack fenton #jazz fenton #fic #things i wrote #phic phight #phic phight 24 #dp college buddies #college trio

[drabblesbyjubs]

Headcannons about Astarion and his PTSD

Tws// PTSD nightmares and attacks, disassociation, sexual trauma, Astarion’s backstory stuff, minor spoilers for unascended Astarion’s ending. Minors begon

A quick note before we start; PTSD manifests itself differently on a case to case basis. Thats why its so hard to understand, even amongst people who have it; two people who experienced the same traumatic event may react completely differently from one another to certain things. That being said, these are just my headcannons for Astarion based off of my experiences with PTSD.

Astarion’s nightmares have always been rough on him. They didn’t come every night, not like they used to, but when they did, there was no telling how he’d react when he woke up.

He may blink awake, that oh so familiar feeling of dread but also of pure numbness creeping over him. He would sit staring at the ceiling for hours, or at least until you woke up, nearly thoughtless the entire time.

When you noticed, he sometimes wanted to scoot closer and cuddle you, other times just humming an acknowledgement of your awakening before zoning out again. He would eventually get up and moving, but for a few hours, he felt like a complete detachment of himself.

Other times, he would jolt awake, not recognizing you as the one safe thing in his entire life. He lashed out at you once, demanding you leave, scrambling for his knife. He was shaking so hard he couldn’t even pick it up. When those red eyes softened in familiarity, the guilt that swamped him was the worst thing he’d ever felt.

Occasionally, he would awaken in a similar trance of not recognizing you. He would usher you out of bed and insist you had to go, leave, run for the woods and never look back. If you don’t, you’ll never see the light of day again. He will get you.

You knew these times were draining for him, and some days, he just needed some time to sit and reflect for a while; reflect on everything for the past two hundred years, from having his freedom cruelly ripped away, then regaining it, then losing it all over again. It was a lot for you just hearing about it, so you could only imagine how overwhelming it could be to him.

He still tried not to let it rule his life, though, and thats where you came in. You made an easy distraction, something to focus on and give to, something normal.

At times he would lose his focus, but you were always there to keep him on track. While you weren’t the cure for his trauma, you helped to guide him through it as he built comfort in himself and his new life.

You were there through the anxiety, the panic, the angry outbursts. Gods, he always felt terrible for those. But you stayed, because you knew about him, and you knew why, and you knew he was trying. You by no means made excuses for him, but you never shamed him for the things he couldn’t help.

Your patience was the thing he didn’t know he needed. Your understanding, your empathy. Things he would have found weaknesses a mere month ago were the reasons he loves you now. And he wouldn’t have it any other way.

..

Super quick hcs, ive got some actually good ones rotting away just need to remember where I put them

#astarion #astarion fluff #bg3 astarion #astarion headcanons #bg3 posting #bg3 headcanons

[foressfaction]

Toby Headcanons

First things first, rewrite link —> https://www.wattpad.com/story/330185513-ticci-toby-a-rewrite?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=story_info&wp_page=story_details_button&wp_uname=foressfaction&wp_originator=4ym0kekpamjg%2byu500owdfcdlnhtpkigcby1thrmnvj95d4u%2f2vtey8ihglpowcvuy8icvezeljevfn%2fbufrp

Fair warning, I am the Toby enthusiast so you’re in for a long read. If you actually care enough to read all this, keep in mind there are some triggering topics for well… everything. That’s also including the other links leading to other posts of mine. Read with caution. I go into heavy detail about topics that are usually pretty sensitive.

Family headcanons—> https://www.tumblr.com/foressfaction/734266713806405633/basic-family-head-canons-for-toby

Operator headcanons—> WIP

Him with Jack—> https://www.tumblr.com/foressfaction/735560061461594112/my-jack-and-toby-headcanons-theyre-bfs

Him with Natalie—> https://www.tumblr.com/foressfaction/746264454600278016/toby-and-clockwork-some-headcanon-takes-on-this

Him and Lyra —> WIP

Him and Cross-X—>WIP

The main basics

He can't read, he has always had trouble reading. He can get simple sentences and phrases but actual literature like books, newspapers, or anything over half a paragraph long, he can't read it.

Due to losing his memories, he lost knowledge of what normal people do. He doesn't know social cues that well. You could come up to him and say that you want to be his friend and he'd look like a clueless child.

Never having a friend before, anything of the sort now would make him suspicious of you, or just not trust you.

He has very very bad trust issues, meaning he thinks everyone is out to get him. Which may not be true, though he can't help but think it due to his anxiety.

He is terrified of vehicles, and riding in them. Though he doesn't remember why. His body still reacts with trauma he doesn't recall experiencing.

This is kinda annoying for him.

He can run incredibly fast and has almost unlimited stamina. He knows his limits though and never pushes his body to the extent due to the fact he will lose mobility for the next hour or so trying to regain his breath.This may lead to him potentially passing out.

He will only run to his full abilities if he is in severe danger (or feel he is)

He loves the smell of lavender, it makes him tired and relaxed. It is the only thing that will help him sleep.

He still bites his nails so he sometimes will coat his nails in either nail polish (yes he paints his nails sometimes) or will get that nasty tasting polish. It depends. He's very insecure about his hands and so he will paint his nails to make them look a little better.

Along with the aid of sleep, basic company helps a lot. It would have to be someone he's close with or at least knows to an extent. Just having someone there, regardless of distance or their position in the area, really helps him sleep.

He's easy to make friends with but it'll take some time for him to get used to you. He'd want to know a lot of things first and learn more about you.

His favorite season is fall, and his favorite spice is Parsley. He loves the smell.

He can't cook but if he was to ever help someone with cooking (which…Is a bad idea anyways) he'd probably sprinkle a little parsley in secretly.

He is of German descent but can't speak it. (unless operator is controlling him, in that case he ONLY speaks it)

He has two marks in the shape of the operator symbol on his upper left arm and lower right side. They are scars as they were once carved into the skin and slowly scarred over.

He would be the type of person who would lay his forehead on your cheek and stare waiting for an apology or just if he was in a playful mood.

He also sucks on his candy canes until they are quite literally a deadly weapon.

I feel like he would run up stairs so fast he literally trips up them. This also goes with anytime he needed to run, it's an immediate sprint, no working up speed, no preparing his legs, literally gone- this might cause trip ups occasionally. Imagine getting hit by an axe then you hear footsteps with a loud thud following after.

He isn't very picky with food, I feel he'd eat what normally people wouldn't, like the top piece and last piece of a bread loaf, or spaghettios cold, not warmed. Same with hot dogs, he may not boil the weenie, who knows it depends.

If anyone took the bread crusts off their sandwiches he would eat those alone- i think he likes bread guys.

He probably wets his socks or pillow in the summer to feel cool, sometimes would probably just walk around with a cold wet towel draped over his head.

Lyra would occasionally make fun of him for being shorter than her for most of their childhood until he would have eventually grown taller if she hadn't passed.

He would've gotten back at her.

She definitely picked on him a lot in a playful manner and he'd always overreact. Definitely a stereotypical 'get out of my room' emo kid. He'd definitely be a stoner if we're talking normal mansion au thing. Bro would probably be high 25/8, mainly so he doesn't feel like shit all the time.

He'd meow back or bark back at animals who do so to him. He'd growl at anything growling at him and eventually these would plainly turn into tics. Now he'd just meow or bark/growl out of absolutely no where.

He'd definitely be pretty flexible, upon somehow squeezing into places like cabinets and tiny closets to avoid capture or getting spotted, he had always been pretty maneuverable-?? He'd probably purposely freak people out by doing literal gymnastic poses just out of the blue. I'd imagine he'd break, fracture or pop out of socket bones without knowing it due to not feeling the actual pain of the strain he puts on them. Therefore he ignores it and one day if he just decides to do a backbend then he just goes for it.

He loves peaches and anything peach flavored. Usually when savaging for food, canned peaches are his main target. He would almost completely avoid a store if they had none. He isn't picky at all, of course, but he'd like at least one thing of his personal liking if he's going out of his way to steal it. It HAS to be the canned ones. He doesn't fuckin know how to peel an actual peach? And I figured if anything he'd HATE the fuzzy skin on it and would absolutely have a meltdown. ( based on me). If someone handed him a FULL ASS UNSKINNED peach. He would look at you like 'What am I supposed to do with this….'

I also headcanon that he got his hat from Lyra as when they were younger and she was still alive, she worked at a mailing company sorting the mail. The symbol on the hat looks like a yellow envelope. She gave it to him when she quit so he could wear it and stuff.

He'd absolutely love spiderman and silly things like star wars and transformers. He's definitely more of a Marvel guy and probably owns/owned tons of spiderman themed clothing.

Toby would always comfort Lyra after her rough days at work. I feel she'd fall asleep on the couch immediately after sitting down. He would crawl up beside her and just curl up against her, also falling asleep. She'd always wake up before him and take him to bed soon after.

I feel he would have trouble making eye contact but it's for a completely different reason than most. It's not because he's awkward but because he genuinely doesn't know how to look at someone. Unless its a partner or a really close friend. He will avoid eye contact at least for too long. If he's actually able to hold contact with someone that's a sign he's growing comfortably that they wont hurt him.

It stems from his father shaming him for just looking at the man the wrong way anf sometimes that led to physical disputes that he wishes to avoid from any possible individual. He has a natural resting bitch face so it's not hard to mistake his look as something spiteful.

When he stutters it's not a tic, it has nothing to do with his TS, it's just a speech impediment and is very VERY insecure about it because of how many times he's been called annoying or told to just 'hurry up and say it, i don't have time for this', something along those lines.

- His tics include facial grimaces, snapping his fingers or jaws every now and then, hitting himself, or others around pretty hard, tapping his foot or whistling. He will blurt random ass shit as well (this i will sometimes add into the rp, it can be kinda funny, sometimes inappropriate) ex: "suck my loli" or "shitty shoe" shit like that.

- Appearance wise, nothing really changed. His eye color did however. Instead of that dark brown, it's a hazel green. He's probably around 5'6 overall. Plus he's extremely frail and unhealthy. He is covered and when i say covered, I mean covered in freckles. Shoulders, arms and his face are where they really are noticeable. Like normal, his hair is the same, dark and frizzy. It has a little bit of curl to it but mainly it's just wavy and fluffy.

-He still bites his hands since he's never really broken that habit, so you'd never really see him without bandages on his hands.

-Personality wise, he's pretty feral. Even as a teenager. He can be stalker-ish and weird. He's still pretty damn timid though since..hello social anxiety.

Toby is extremely neurodivergent. He stims and tics all of the time. He can't handle certain smells, tastes, textures. Specifically wet hands on any cold dry surface, or per say, chewing on a piece of steak or anything chewy for more than 6 seconds MAX. He can't have food touching and has to use multiple forks/spoons/knives when he has a meal.

-Toby can't stand the sight of his own blood. It causes him to break down and literally freak out. He has a strange phobia of organs and bones of his own coming out of where they shouldn't be. He is very sensitive with wounds in the torso area due to this exact organ phobia.

(He's had dreams where he literally had to hold his organs inside so they wouldn't fall out.

🌿Appearance Headcanons🌿

[F]He pretty much stayed the same, originally, he started with just a few freckles here and there, but how i see him, a full face of freckles, and all over him, arms, back, neck, just everywhere. This also goes for scars. He has lots of rather unique ones. Especially on his back. He has two deep gash scars right on his shoulder blades that look like he once had wings. At least that's how he wants to see it.

[F] His teeth had kinda been crooked from all of the pressure onto them throughout his childhood and due to his teeth actually getting knocked out when he was little. (his baby teeth of course) his adult teeth never really wanted to grow in right.

- I find it better if he is 19-25years old, him as any older kinda feels weird to me since i am used to portraying him as a late teen or in his early/mid twenties. This really depends on how he'll be used and the story i will go by

- His hair is still the same. Still a dark chocolate brown. It's just a lot messier, or well, very fluffy With a few curls.

- He is still very pale but still slightly more tan than how he is originally, his skin has a pastel peach light tone (just a normal pale person) and not like the light grey people usually see him as.

-His face is very scarred, but the one that stands out the most is the iconic tear, or gash in his right cheek. It exposes muscle, and his teeth from the side. It's very disgusting so he keeps hidden with masks, or bandages.

Visage and wardrobe

Adding this in last second but I feel his closet is FULL with brown grunge grey and green flannels and layered shirts and grandpa sweaters. He’s your average grunge Pinterest guy you’d find on every corner of the internet but he’s stylish unconsciously. He throws shit together he thinks looks good and apparently it actually does. One day he’d be rocking a fire fit and the next he looks like he came right out of a dumpster as most of his older clothes are torn and sheared up from well… living where he does. He prefers layers no matter what season it is but will occasionally wear sleeveless stuff and shorts. Probably owns a few shark themed pieces and along with what I said earlier. Some marvel and other stuff. Probably from the kids section who knows honestly. All of the tags on his clothes are faded.

- https://www.tumblr.com/foressfaction/743158587608727552/while-im-on-art-block-heres-some-stupid-shit-toby

Persona🌿

His personality is pretty much the same. He's a little more timid though. He actually has a big heart, despite him being a potential serial killer, he still has a few soft spots and a heart. He will care and love for someone, but in order to really earn his trust, someone would have to repeatedly prove that they are worthy of it. He's literally insane, meaning he can be really up and active in a hypomanic way. He's pretty childish around those he knows, but doesn't trust those he doesn't, in fact, those he doesn't know will most likely be ignored or get small, nervous/annoyed responses. He's easy to make friends with since his persona is very passive, he's really sweet in some situations and the next he'd be having a mental breakdown or some kind of manic attack.

-He's very jumpy and easily startled, and would most likely flinch or try to shield himself if someone moves too fast around him. This is due to his trauma and slight PTSD.

-He is touch starved, meaning when he does get affection he'd get extremely confused, weirded out or just plainly get emotional. He didn't get much love and was reminded daily that he was a sack of shit and he finds it hard to believe anyone would love him.

Canonically, he never had a sexuality, meaning he could be any sexual orientation you want. For me, he is Biromantic/Asexual. For him, relationships would have to move slowly, not just kiss kiss fall in love type of shit. You'd have to become his friend first, and of course be loyal and such. It isn't easy at all for him to fall into a relationship, in fact that's the last thing on his mind. Since he believes he is unlovable, no one would even like him in such a way, so he gives up and just sticks to what he has to do.

[Fluffy HC!]

-If the whole mansion concept is being used, he would definitely be very dramatic and really in character if he was to roleplay or play a game with Sally. If he was given a role he will make sure he fills it as accurately as possible just to make her happy. He has a soft spot for children obviously. Unless The Operator is in control.

-If he is good friends or in a relationship with someone, he will generate a nickname based off of your appearance. It would usually consist of cute characteristics he sees in you, and sometimes he'll base it off of your personality. If not, if he's feeling silly, he'll call you a nickname based on random objects. "How's my favorite frying pan this morning?"

Romance?

Toby thinks love is just a fantasy, and no one could love him, much less return the feelings, so love is the last thing on his mind. Though he thinks about what it would be like to have a partner

-He would be so emotional if he even gets a hug, much less feelings being confessed, or confessing his own but Toby may accidentally slip it out, or tell them just to get it off his chest and carry on like it means nothing but on the inside he knows it does and will beat himself up about it

-I think he'd definitely act differently as well, especially his tics would act up more as well around them because he's really nervous and maybe say random things to shoo off the feeling like nothing was there to begin with.

Habits

- He still bites his nails and inner cheek but does it when he's really stressed or nervous. He's really fidgety so he'd mess with anything loose or even would twirl his hair, soon he did it so much his hair got used to it and began to get slightly curly but mostly just wavy.

- [F]He grits his teeth a lot. He'll do it randomly.

-[F] His ADHD still affects him now, so it's hard for him to focus on one thing at once and gets easily distracted. Its a bad habit

Mentality🌿

- Nothing really changed. He still suffers with his disabilities, just some stopped affecting him as much after he reached 17 originally. Being schizophrenia and Anxiety. But this headcanon still suffers with those two despite his age. This explains why he can see the operator, which brings me to the next change.

He had suffered from Schizophrenia since he was 7 years old. So he's been seeing this entity his whole life. Making so much happen and of course all of the deaths in his life was blamed upon the entity.

- [F]Since he cannot feel pain, there is a high chance that he could have hurt himself very badly and not know. So every now and then he does check ups on himself, especially after something brutal happened or had gotten into a fight. He could be perfectly fine one second ago then faint due to blood loss and wake up not even knowing what happened. This is really hard for him since a really bad wound that could grow fatal could be anywhere and he wouldn't know. So a check up on himself here and there could really save his ass.

Story🌿

- Everything pretty much stayed the same. The deaths, the conflicts. The only thing that really changed was the cause of the deaths.

- However, after the ending, where the fire nearly took his life, he couldn't remember anything on why he was there, or how he ended up in this situation. He blacked out and woke up in a whole different area of the dense forest. He no longer remembered a thing but every time he'd try and get close to coming back to the past, it would all happen again.

- He never remembered anything, even after he had murdered someone, in fact he doesn't even like doing that. He despises the fact that he should murder innocent people, however sometimes, he will see the face of a man he hated so dearly but didn't remember why.

-Amongst the crime scene, after he had murdered someone, he'd sit and stare at what he had done, a huge moment of lucidity would take over him, making everything come back for those few moments. Then his mind would wipe blank once again and he'd go on like nothing ever happened. During those moments, he'd regret spilling the blood of the victim, and hate on himself even more, while violent memories and thoughts ran through his mind, making him feel less and less stable. This sometimes knocked him out, and he'd be there, unconscious at the scene which isn't good since that's how ya get caught and arrested.

He lives in a small shed in the middle of Rosswood Park/forest. His shed is deep deep in the woods, he had never lived in the mansion. (might will make something work for roleplay use)

Before anything, these are just my changes and adjustments I made to either fit a better way of my liking/needs and to just plainly make more sense.

Disorder list and how it all affects him.

Tourettes Syndrome

A shared headcanon: Toby has coprophilia (uncontrolled cursing), which is actually an uncommon symptom, but seeing that he was unfit for public school, it would make sense in his case. Most tics are not debilitating (but can be discomforting, obviously), so Toby’s TS must be an extreme case. So my headcanon of his verbal tics being coprophilia makes sense. He is an extreme case and has complex verbal tics (coprophilia is classified as a complex phonic tic and not a simple phonic tic). This was one of the reasons he was unfit for public school, along with being bullied for his motor tics. It doesn’t mention anything about him having verbal tics in his story or implying that he has coprophilia—but again, Wade did not know much about TS, so I headcanon him to have it as it makes more sense. He also seems to just have simple motor tics (generally brief movements involving spasmodic, non-rhythmic muscle contractions) ie. jerking his head and other limbs occasionally. However, since he was unfit to go to normal school and therefore should be an extreme case, I headcanon him to also have complex motor tics (more purposeful movements such as: grimacing, tapping, walking in a specific pattern or circling, jumping, kicking, or punching), mainly kicking and punching/hitting and slapping. This would make much more sense because tho he still would probably get made fun of for just simple motor tics, that alone shouldn’t stop him from being too unfit for regular school. His are obviously chronic and do not disappear as he gets older, unlike with many cases.

-So there are my headcanons on his TS and tics. They make much more sense, and if Wade had actually known about TS more, would probably be what they would have given him. I’m not entirely sure if you can have both simple and complex tics of the same type, but I don’t see why not, so I headcanon him to have both simple and complex motor and phonic tics. His simple verbal tics include clearing his throat, grunting and other short repetitive noises. Typically he usually grunts and makes said repetitive noises more but will compulsively clear his throat, sometimes with coughing, from time to time. Said repetitive noises often happen while trying to speak and will act up if he is nervous or very excited. His complex phonic tics, like I stated before, is coprolalia along with sømetimes muttering or shouting random words spontaneously.

Again, his complex verbal tics act up when he is nervous or very excited etc. He tends to curse randomly while talking and sometimes will say random words which sometimes makes it very difficult for him to talk and make coherent sentences. Cursing is his more common complex verbal tic while sputtering random words is less common for him. Most days it isn’t too bad and he mostly just swears when talking (along with all his other tics but I’m focusing on how it affects his speech right now), but sometimes he’ll have days where talking is very difficult and he stutters trying to get the words out and can’t make coherent sentences. Again, it gets even worse when he’s nervous or very excited. For his simple motor tics, he mainly jerks and cracks his neck along with jerking his other limbs in weird ways that often cause his joints to pop and make a cracking sound.

Sometimes they’re violent enough that if he could feel pain it would hurt him and occasionally injuring himself cause ie. tearing or pulling a muscle (which is shit as he can’t feel pain so doesn’t notice anything is wrong most of the time). Again, like always, these tend to get worse and act up when he’s nervous or very excited. Often when cracking and jerking his head he will also grunt or make said repetitive noise as he does so. His complex motor tics include throwing things, punching, slapping, hitting and kicking either himself, anything and anyone he can reach or is close to him, and if nothing is around, the air itself. These are less frequent than his simple motor tics, but as he is an extreme case, they are still a common occurrence for him. Again, like all his other tics, they tend to act up when he’s nervous or very excited, but not as much as all the others. His simple motor tics act up more when he’s nervous or very excited more than his complex motor tics. When they do act up more, which ones tend to depend on how he’s feeling. If he’s feeling stressed, nervous or sad, he tends to hit or punch, kick slap, ‘hurt’ himself more. If he’s angry it’s a mix of hitting, slapping and punching himself along with kicking, punching and throwing nearby things. If the emotions are positive he tends to backhand anything that might be nearby, just doing that motion if there’s nothing to hit, throwing things, kicking his legs out or slapping himself in the face, and occasionally punching if he’s really happy or excited. He must be careful cause he tends to punch nearby people in the face when that happens, most of the time pretty hard. He always feels super bad whenever that happens and tries to hit himself instead so he doesn’t punch someone in the face when excited. Sometimes if his tics, mainly his complex motor tics, are acting up badly, he’ll drop down on the floor and roll around a bit as he hits the ground and air and lets everything out in a little fit. It’s best to quickly move him to an opener area if he can feel a bad tic fit coming on so he can lay down where he’s not going to hit or throw anyone/anyone. It’s best to just let him get it out unless it’s partially violent and he’s in danger of hurting himself (jerking too hard etc.) or if he’s doing it to himself particularly hard and violently. He is an extreme case so he tics everyday, but some days, if he’s really lucky, it won’t happen too often and will mostly just have simple tics that don’t get in the way of day to day life too badly. On the other hand, he can have very bad days where his tics act up, his complex tics especially, where they happen very frequently and he can’t make it stop or slow down and has multiple violent tic fits where he usually ends up breaking and destroying a lot of things and hurting himself, sometimes pretty badly, especially since he cannot feel it and will try to direct things towards himself instead of whatever’s around him. And yeah, those are my headcanons on Toby’s TS and different tics. I headcanon him to be an extreme case (since that would make the most sense given how he’s supposed to not be fit for normal school since it’s that bad). I also headcanon it to actually get worse as he grows up, especially as his mental health deteriorates. I could probably go on about this more but I’ve rambled enough and I think I kinda went on a bit long, so I’ll try and stop myself here now.

ADHD

He does have ADHD, meaning he usually has sudden outbursts of energy. He shows this by getting easily distracted during times he should be occupied by one thing, instead he'd be interested in literally everything else but what he should be. Because of this, he wasn't fit for school, or anything of the such.

He doesn't take medicine for this, since he can't exactly get his hands on it, or thinks that he needs it.

He lets out his energy by running around in an open space, pacing back and forth, tapping or scratching with his fingers, or tapping his foot/bouncing his leg. Usually his ADHD acts up more when he's excited or trying to concentrate. He bites his nails because of it as well.

He can't focus on one thing at once, and would be distracted by the littlest things like a lizard on a tree, or even a bug flying around his face. He'd stop what he was doing before and focus more on that other than what he should be focusing on. He never exactly thought of it as something bad but usually he'd forget what he was doing before and that something could have been important.

Dermatophagia

note: Dermatophagia is what's known as a body-focused repetitive behavior (BFRB). It goes beyond just nail biting or occasionally chewing on a finger. It's not a habit or a tic, but rather a disorder. People with this condition gnaw at and eat their skin, leaving it bloody, damaged, and, in some cases, infected.

This was a lot worse when he was younger, but he still does it as he grows up. It can get so bad that he has to wrap his hands up by himself and fight the urge to feel the skin in between his teeth. He doesn't just bite his own hands however, he does it to his arms randomly. He'd bite into any of his arms for some odd reason but never hard enough to make them bleed. This of course depends on how hard he bites into them. This happens when he is usually upset in any way, and takes the anger out on himself or a nearby flat surface, like a wall or table.

This harms him badly, but since he can't feel it, he doesn't know when to stop, making this 10 times worse than any normal case. He's gone as far as to nearly gnaw off the skin of his knuckle, exposing the muscle underneath, almost to the bone. This isn't as bad as when he was younger, but when he gets upset in a way, he will still struggle with the problem of gnawing on his hands

I am missing some here, that being BPD, Schizophrenia, psychosis, and autism. I’m aware some are just mere disabilities but I want to do more research before I go into these sensitive topics.

Some more smaller posts with undocumented headcanons

- https://www.tumblr.com/foressfaction/746629900867371008/so-i-headcanon-toby-to-be-a-phat-stoner-so

- https://www.tumblr.com/foressfaction/744151888116711424/i-have-so-much-on-this-dude-hes-been-through

- https://www.tumblr.com/foressfaction/748800526075985920/another-day-another-essay-toby-is-a-closed-off

#creepypasta #ifyouplagarizethisiwillfindyou #slenderverse #foressfaction #ticci toby #toby rogers #eyeless jack #clockwork #creepypasta headcanon #ticci toby headcanons #headcanons #headcanon #foressfactionheadcanons #if

[yichuuonvenus]

Liquid Smooth

Coriolanus Snow x Reader, Lucy Gray Baird x Reader

~Description~

Your little village and most importantly your life was peaceful before the Blonde God…

~Warnings~

dubious consent, Body control, blood, vampirism, master/servant, trauma, thoughts of suicide, Vampire AU

A/N: I'm so sorry if I didn't get the right dialect for the time period ijbol I tried so that's all that matters.

You could remember the first time you saw him. You were just a girl then while the Blonde God stood in front of your home with nothing but a bloody and marred blouse. He was there for your sister. He took her just like the other girls around the village. You remember not feeling anything as your own parents dragged her out of the home. You were numb, just like how you were when you saw your friend Arachne being shoved into his arms years later. 

Everyone in the village feared the Blonde God. But you… you didn’t know if you could call how you felt fear. Was it fear? You believed it was so, at least that was what you told yourself. 

Sister Gaul, a once good woman with pure intentions, changed when he came to her. He changed everything about her once kind demeanor. You could recall the first time she spoke of him, “God, himself, sent him here, for us!”

Your village, every one of them, was to worship him by giving him the girls he asked for and nothing else. In exchange, he would provide food and protection to your village. The families of the village weren’t hesitant to give them up, some were but their faith ran high for them even to question it. You were forced to watch as girl after girl would be given to him without a second thought. Some were lucky enough to survive this taking. But they went fully there when they came back nor did they remember what happened. 

You could never stop thinking about his frosted stare that cold night. There was nothing but intense callousness in his eyes. For some reason, you still felt something hidden beneath it. Something deeper than his want for you to fear him. It was difficult to even explain to yourself so you made yourself forget that interaction. You made yourself forget you even had a sister. 

You stared up at the ceiling pretending that the shadows in your room were animals like little fluffy bunnies prancing above you. It had your mind occupied till your little brother woke up with a sob. 

“Another nightmare…” he whispered. 

You sighed as you grasped his hands tightly. They started back when your sister was taken. They never stopped since. His dreams that he experienced that he explained to you were almost forewarnings. Like his inner mind knew when he was going to come, to take, and to devour… 

“Anibal, remember what I told you. Breathe in and out,” you whispered as you smooth out his hair. He did what you said and when he was more relaxed did you ask, “Does thee want to tell me what happened?” 

He became stiff next to you but he still tried to breathe through it before speaking up, “I saw him.” 

“What happened…”

“Thou is next.” he ghostly whispered. You could tell it broke him to say it. 

You sucked in a breath as you stared at the ceiling again, hugging him close and hushing him. His sobs were the only thing in the room you could focus on. You knew it was true. Anibal has seen it come true but you had long accepted your fate. No matter how much it hurts to have to leave your little brother alone in such a cold place. It was God’s will. He was the one that shined The Blonde God to your little village.

He was the one to blame. 

. . . 

“We can run away!” 

“Be quiet Sejanus… they will hear us,” Festus for the first time in forever was actually being reasonable. 

“Listen to me!” Sejanus yelled again.

“Sejanus, hush!” Hilarius finally said. 

Clemensia’s eyes fell onto yours as you entered the little hideaway. She swiftly walked over to you and immediately wrapped herself around you. You could see the faint marks on her throat from when it was her time. You didn't know how she even survived but she did with no memory of what happened but it wasn’t like anyone had the stomach to ask.

“They have been at it for hours now,” She whispered as she slowly let you go. 

“Can’t say I’m surprised…” You whispered back as you watched Sejanus and Festus argue once more. 

“Honestly, it’s just Sejanus going mad with ideas. He hasn’t stopped since we started.” She stared at them before rolling her eyes. “Anyways, How is thee? How is Anibal?” 

“We are managing as well as our parents,” You sighed. 

“I can tell it looks like thou hasn’t had any sleep since the solstice,” Clemmie said with a smile as she rubbed your cheek. 

You smiled back. She let go before staring at them and sighing. “Get some rest. For me at least.”

You nodded as she walked towards them trying to calm them both down before they started another fight. 

You thought about what she said about getting rest. But you just couldn’t. You had to comfort your little brother if he woke up from a nightmare. You couldn’t bear the thought of him suffering through it alone. No one should ever have to see their siblings dying at the hands of a god. You didn’t have your parent’s help to comfort him. You are all he has. Ever since your sister was taken, your parents weren't the same.  The light drained from them, and every day became a new struggle. 

“We don’t have to live in this village anymore,” Sejanus said as he threw down his bible. Everyone stared at him. They were exhausted from fighting. “We can start anew just like our father’s fathers did. We did it once, and we can do it again.”

“Think of what thee is asking! Alone in his woods? Thou has truly lost thyself to madness,” Hilarius spoke out. 

“I’m not mad. Not any more than Sister Gaul. She and that godforsaken drunk of a priest are to blame. They led that demon into our village.”

Then there was a chuckle from the corner of the room. It was small but it quieted the room.

“Wilt thou stop it… there is no escaping this fate, Sejanus. I have come to terms with it and so shall you,” Io laughed. She continued to rock back and forth before finally breaking down. 

It was quiet after that and Sejanus sighed loudly and left without another word. 

“I’ll talk some sense into him,” you said following after him but someone stopped you with a tug. 

You knew who it was before even turning around. A pair of beautiful, soft brown eyes locked onto yours. Your face lit up brightly just by the sight of hers. 

“Thee willn’t go alone,” Lucy Gray said as she held your hand. You nodded and led the way toward the place you knew Sejanus would be. 

It didn’t take long to get to the lake. You saw Sejanus there with a hard stare. He was throwing rocks. You stood back a little as Lucy Gray walked closer to him, letting go of your hand. 

“You want to play a round?” Lucy Gray asked.

Sejanus wasn’t surprised it was you two who followed after him. 

“You shouldn’t have to follow me,” he mumbled. “Always the peacemakers.”

“Sejanus…”

“Mad, crazy Sejanus… that’s all I am to them. As if this ritual isn't barbaric.” 

“It is, Sejanus, it’s just…” you said trying to find the words but Lucy Gray completed it for you. 

“We are all scared. There would be no way for us to run away and start anew. He would find us. Bring us back… bloody just like he did with Billy,” Lucy Gray croaked. 

Billy was a touchy subject, no one brought him up. Ever. It was mostly fear that drove them never to mention his name again. 

Sejanus stared out into the water. Sighing as he skipped his last rock, “I wish everything was different…” 

You came forward, pulling his hands into yours. 

“I long for a different life too. We all do…  But we have to stick with the present or at least try and think of smarter ways out of here without getting caught,” You spoke up. “Thee shouldn’t yell out plans to get them to listen.” 

You all chuckled before Sejanus agreed. 

. . . 

Her lips were soft against yours. They were like petals off of flowers and tasted like warm sugar. It reminded you of the first time she ever kissed you. Out in the forest while you were scavenging for berries. It started as a small game. Whoever gathered the most berries would get a reward. You won and you were surprised when she gave you a peck on the lips. 

Your first-ever kiss. 

But it was so much more different now… it was heated, more intimate. She held your waist, rubbing it up and down. Her other hand held your face. Your hands were around her neck pulling her closer. The soft grass acted like a cushion between you and the hard surface of the earth. 

She pulled back slowly, licking her lips as she looked into your eyes. You could feel your face becoming heated at the gesture. She smiled as she played with your hair. 

“Lucy Gray… why ever did thou stop?” You playfully teased as you tried to regain your breath. You couldn’t stop looking into her big brown eyes. They were always the first things that captivated you. Her hand made its way to your face, her thumb slowly rubbing your lips. 

“I wanted to see thou’s beautiful face,” she whispered, nudging her nose with yours. 

You giggled as you both stared at each other. She looked so beautiful and relaxed under the pale moonlight. Here she was just yours, and you hers. You could forget everything about yourself. She was your escape. 

She slowly started to kiss you again but this time she made her way down your face. Her lips made their way to your neck then your collarbone, nipping and kissing whatever spots she could find, causing a slight whimper to leave your lips. You could feel her smile against your throat as you whined. 

Your mind though couldn’t stop drifting. She could help you forget but only to a certain extent. You thought about Anibal. You were scared your parents left him alone again. They promised they wouldn’t but you couldn’t take that chance. 

“We… we need to get back soon,” you whispered. 

“Ye needn’t worry. They won’t expect us to be back for another hour,” she said softly against your breast. You held her hand and her eyes moved to yours. 

“It will take a good while to lace this backup, Ms. Lucy Gray.”

“It willn’t, gorgeous. Not with my quick fingers,” she said with a smirk that you wanted to wipe off so badly. You rolled your eyes and tried your best to hide the smile on your face as you let her proceed with a nod. 

You gasped as she held her hand to your chest, kissing her way slowly down your chest. She loved to worship your body.  You were never the one that gave, Lucy Gray was too much of a giver for her to let you. She insisted that you lay back and let her ravage you. 

Her fingers danced their way down your stomach and then to your skirt. So many layers for warmth but all you wanted to do was to rip them off. You felt her push it up slowly. She loved to take her time. That and the mix of her licking and kissing your breasts made you wither beneath her. 

You felt her fingers swipe across your clit, your head fell back and the air in your lungs left. She made her way back up to your face, a gleeful expression adorned on her features. 

“Can I?” She whispered in your ear. 

You nodded before pressing your lips against hers. She smiled into the kiss as her fingers slowly entered you. She was always so gentle and loving when she used her fingers. Her thumb slowly circled your clit making you moan out. Your whole body felt like it was soaked as she played you like an instrument. 

A part of you wanted to be on top this time around. You didn’t know how but you managed to flip both of you over. You were on top though you were the one still spread for her. She smirked as she went faster. Her gaze was the only thing you could focus on. Her soft smile and big brown eyes. You leaned in as her other hand held your face, her thumb softly moving over your lips. She gave you a heart-melting kiss before pulling away. 

It wasn’t going to be long now. You were moaning now coming apart on her fingers. You knew you were close, it was written all over your face. She smiled before kissing your cheeks. 

“Cum for me, gorgeous,” she whispered. 

You cried out into her shoulder gripping her clothes and the grass surrounding you. Tears kissed your eyes then and you couldn’t stop the giggle that came out. You fell beside her staring up into the starry sky. 

“What is it?” She asked. You were the only thing she stared at. 

“I started tearing up,” you replied with a smile. You felt her finger wipe away a tear. 

“As I said, quick and magical fingers,” she said, waving her fingers in the air. 

“You are gross!” 

“And you love me for it.”

“And I love you for it.” 

She held you tightly while you both laughed. 

“We need to get dressed. Mother is cooking your favorite.”

“Tis not a jest?” She bolted up immediately and you shook your head with a smile. 

“We need to go.”

“Okay, okay. Help me with my bodice first,” you laughed. 

You both sat up and she made quick work on your bodice. When she was done her hands made their way around your waist pulling you close to her. Her lips found yours once again. Only then did you hear a twig snap and both of you looked in the direction of the sound. Yet there was nothing there.  

“We should…” 

“Yes, we should get going… come on,” Lucy Gray said wearily. She picked you up swiftly and walked you out of the forest hand in hand. 

. . . 

“O God, the all-powerful made us anew!” Father Casca mumbled. 

He was drunk like he always was since him. It was so obvious that your brother even looked at you. Your little brother’s perplexed face would usually make you laugh but it was concerning you how it seemed like Father Casca wasn’t all there nowadays. He would mumble for hours about God and the gifts he brought to the village just like he did now. 

“Thou brought Him to us! We shall thank thee! All shall thank our all-powerful God. Shouldn’t we Sister Gaul?” 

She was beside him. Her stature was so upright it seemed like her back would snap from the tension. She nodded and narrowed her eyes, watching him wave her onto the pedestal. She closed her eyes before huffing. 

“We shall thank thee in an ending prayer,” Sister Gaul announced. 

You looked over at Lucy Gray who was giving you a slight smile. “Drunks,” she mouthed. You had to stop a smile from forming. Mama wouldn’t tell you the end of it if you laughed now. 

Finally, after the prayer the communion ended. You could finally go on and do your chores. You used to hate them but that was before a time long forgotten. You didn’t have to think when you did them. 

“Hitherto me, little one,” Mother said with a glazed stare. 

“Yes, mother.” You walked towards her, Anibal was beside her staring at the edge of the forest. His eyes were watery but before you could even question it your mother spoke up. 

“Gather water.” She then gave a quick hug, and an even quicker whisper, “Hurry back when thy is done.”

“Of course, mother.” She held your face and tucked your hair behind your ear. 

She was getting afraid too now. You knew then that Anibal had probably told her too what he saw. You tried to keep it off your mind on the way to the well. The well was a pretty sight to behold. Flowers were growing near the well. It was someone’s favorite. But you immediately pushed it out of your mind as you lowered the bucket. 

“Shall we have another go,” A voice said. You smirked as you already knew who it was. 

“It’s barely been a day and thee already misses me?” You quietly replied as you pulled the bucket back up. 

“Of course, I can’t bear to be without thee,” Lucy Gray whined.

You laughed as you sat the bucket on the edge of the well. You turned around to see Lucy Gray with flowers in her hair. It was a beautiful sight. She looked like a goddess. 

Her hands were behind her back as she stepped closer. When her hands came into view she had the same flowers and put them throughout your hair. 

“I got some for your mother as well,” she said with a smile. 

“Lucy Gray… how thoughtful.” 

Her face was so close to yours now. Your hand made its way to her face, light cupping her cheeks before pulling her into a kiss. She tasted like she did before, sweet and soft. Her hands wrapped themselves tightly around your waist. The kiss deepened as you pulled her closer to you like you were afraid she was going to vanish in front of you. You could feel her smile as her lips pressed against yours. 

You pulled back, staring at her temple to temple. 

“I love you,” you whispered, almost scared she was going to pull away. 

“I love you too,” she said back with that soft smile. 

You both would’ve continued if you hadn’t heard a noise coming from deeper in the forest. You both snapped your heads in the direction of it.

“We should go… I need to go give Mother this water.”

“It’s almost midday, gorgeous, there's nothing to be scared of right now. The sun is out, nothing will hurt us here,” she said and she sounded so sure. 

Lucy Gray let you go as she walked towards the sound. You stood there furrowing your brows, trying to keep yourself calm as she walked deeper in. She was right, the sun was beaming down, so the creatures of the woods were resting now. Still, you were shaky, unable to calm yourself down from being left alone in his woods nonetheless. 

“Lucy Gray, Mother will expect me to be back by now…” you yelled out. 

You felt a sudden touch on your shoulder, causing you to jump. 

“Be not a fool Lu-,” You laughed as you turned around. 

But there was no one there. You kept your face straight ahead, the smile that was once on it now gone. 

You heard Lucy Gray yell your name after a minute. She grabbed you laughing. 

“There was a fawn…” she stopped laughing as she took in your face. “What’s wrong with thee?”

She grabbed both of your hands as she tried to force a smile on her face. She repeated your name taking you out of your trance. 

“I- I don’t… we should get back, Lucy Gray,” you whispered. 

“Yes, of course,” She replied with a nod. 

You both walked out of the forest. You can’t help but still feel the sense of something or someone… still staring out at you, watching, waiting for its moment to strike. 

…

You woke up to the sound of Anibal praying. He was focused as he recounted a specific prayer. 

“O God, the Protector of all that trust in Thee, without whom nothing is strong, nothing is holy, increase and multiply upon us Thy mercy; that, Thou being our Ruler and Guide, we may so pass through things temporal that we finally lose not the things eternal. Grant this, O heavenly Father, for Jesus Christ’s sake our Lord. Amen.”

You were silent as he went back to bed sliding in next to you. He shook tirelessly and you wondered how you didn’t wake up before to comfort him.

“Anibal..?” You whispered. 

He stilled and you sighed as you pulled him close to you. It was still dark out, dawn still hadn't broken. Anibal turned to you, hugging you close to him.

“Was it a nightmare?” 

He nodded with his eyes closed. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He shook his head and before long started to sleep quietly. You were scared. He usually always told you his dreams. You petted his head while staring out to the small window. You could feel sleep coming slowly just before you heard some light tapping. 

You looked out the window again. Nothing. You ignored it and tried to drift off. This time it proved to be harder. You slowed your breathing and thought about Lucy Gray. Her beautiful smile and voice. The way she held you. Then finally you could feel your mind calm and your body relax. 

You woke up again to your mother holding your face and smiling down at you. 

“My beautiful one… wake up,” she said softly. 

Anibal wasn’t next to you which confused you. He was always the one to wake you up first. You stared at her silently and rubbed your eyes. 

“Mother… where’s Ani?”

“Outside with father. Thee has overslept.” 

“Mother! I’m so sorry, forgive my laziness oh lord please forgive me.”

“No, no thee is fine. Thee looks much better now. Well rested,” Mother said quietly, sadly. 

You stared at her, your eyebrows furrowed. You could tell something was wrong. Something wasn’t right. 

“Is something wrong Mother..? What ails you?”

“Nothing, Beautiful one,” she says again but it came out with a croak, tears were starting to bloom in her eyes. 

You looked outside. It wasn’t any lighter, it was like time stopped moving. She smoothed out your face as if she’s never going to see it again. That’s when it clicked. You stared at her, shaking your head. 

Father came not a second later, picking you up, and dragging you through the door. You couldn’t stop the scream that tore through you, matching yours was Anibal’s locked inside of your parents' room. 

“WAIT! Cyril!”

“Marilu… it’s time. He’s been waiting all night. It’s almost dawn.”

“Just let me have a few more moments, please. She will not have the same fate as dear Brionna,” Mother started to cry. First a couple of tears then rivers started following from her. 

“I love you, my sweetest girl…” she hugged you tightly as you cried with her. 

“I- please… please! Don’t do this… please Father Mother!”

Father ignored you as your sobbing worsened. Anibal’s screams got louder like he knew you neared the door.

“Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, As it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts,  As we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil…” You whispered your voice quivering as your father threw you outside. You kept reciting the Lord’s Prayer until you saw him. All the sounds that came from your home were silenced in his presence. 

You kept still like if you moved he would strike you right then and there. Like a snake. 

His blue piercing eyes were all you could focus on. You would’ve screamed if his presence didn’t send you into a deep state of fatigue. His head tilted at you, making you feel so insignificant. Your memory of that day flashed through you. The day he stole your sister. 

Your sister… Your sweet sister… On the ground being held by her hair. His cobalt eyes stared into yours. His face tilted at you, a smile slowly etched onto his features. That crazed and twisted stare with a smile so deadly it could tear out a man’s heart. He dropped your sister’s head and made his way towards you. You could remember the feeling of arms tugging you and the only thing you heard was the sound of you and your sister’s screams. 

You felt a whoosh of air around you, a sharp piercing pain on the side of your neck, and then blood coating your lips. 

Then it was nothing. Just the sensation of falling through the air. You were blind to it all. Or maybe it was too dark to see. That was all you could remember. 

. . . 

It was dark. 

Silent, dark, and cold. 

Your eyes could barely pry themselves open but when you could finally see. You saw black. The room was covered in black. The bed you were on. The walls. The floor. The ceiling. It was all the same color making it seem like you were in more of a void than a room. You carefully pulled off the covers from yourself. Your jelly legs made you collapse onto the stone ground in a thud. 

The pain was barely there if at all any. All you could feel was a sharpness at the base of your stomach. You wanted to claw it out, to rip it to pieces whatever was hurting you.

It didn’t feel like a wound or the feeling of something hitting you. 

It felt like hunger… 

Like you were starving. 

You screamed out loud from a sudden new sting in your stomach. You were in so much pain you couldn’t bear it anymore. 

You collapsed again. 

When you woke up it was a bit brighter. You were somehow on the bed now. There was a candle lit on the other side of the room. It was spacious, nothing like you and Anibal’s room. 

You stared at it and you wanted to go pick it up. To investigate it but the pain. The hunger within you kept you down on the bed. You fell asleep again but this time when you woke up, you felt liquid going down your throat. 

You looked up only to be greeted with a piercing gaze. Long blonde hair was all you could really see along with a scent of sweet cream. You tried to focus again on the sight before you. You could see clearly that a girl was above you. Just from the hair alone, you knew who it was. 

Arachne was just hovering above you. Her hand was stretched out while blood flowed from it and into your mouth. You screamed, a shriek so loud it made you question if it was even you who did it. You pushed her away from you and took in the scene in front of you. 

Blood was all over your nightgown. A nightgown you didn’t even remember you had on. The white tulle was now ruined, and blood was soaked all over your collar, bodice, and arms. You stared down and you couldn’t stop screaming. 

But what made you scared, so scared you couldn’t stop crying… you finally felt satisfied. Full for the first time in many days you felt like you’d been there. You wanted more so much more so you could be full. 

You were already near Arachne’s neck when you finally came to. You forced yourself away and your back hit the wall hard. 

You watched Arachne. She was unmoving in a ball on the floor. She looked skinny like she was drained of every fiber of her being. It was like she was in a trance. She wasn’t fully there, her eyes were pale and hollow. Her cheeks were so gaunt that you could see the outline of her bones. You couldn’t stop the tears that escaped your eyes. If this was the fate of Arachne… then what of your sister? 

You had hoped she was dead, so she wouldn’t see what you were now. 

You turned your head sharply to the sound of a door opening. Two small men came strolling in, behind them was who you knew as the Blonde God. His blonde hair and bright blue eyes were mesmerizing. You were pulled into a trance just by the sight of him alone. 

The men grabbed Arachne as her head lolled over. You wanted to run over and grab her back. You wanted to kill those men for even touching her but you were too scared to even move. Just from his presence alone, the Blond God made the room stand still. 

He walked near you, hands politely behind his back. You got a whiff of his scent, roses. The sweet smell of roses made its way to you. He stared at you while a smile slowly started to spread across his face. 

“Finally, thee is awake,” he said, his voice almost enchanting. 

You stayed quiet, folding your arms around yourself and shaking. 

“I’m sure thee isn’t hungry… right? I made sure Arachne was able to sustain thee for the time being.” 

He walked closer before bending his knees to meet you at eye level. 

“Or maybe I’m wrong… and thee still hungers for more.” 

You shook your head and he pulled out a deep chuckle. There was something about him that made you want to submit. The intense feeling that he was supposed to be in control over you. You stared at him. It was a strange feeling. Very strange. He gave you his hand and pulled up with him. 

You sighed and stared down at your feet. You couldn’t even feel how cold the stone was, you couldn’t feel anything. It was as if your senses had heightened and depleted. 

He walked you to the door and out into the hallway. It was long and dark, foreboding almost. You looked around and there were candles dimly lighting your way. You could see without it not that candles would’ve helped much anyway. 

He walked you to the dining hall. It was large and spacious. There was no way he kept this all to himself. He walked you toward your side of the grand table then he walked toward his. You stared at his end, there was a crystal goblet filled with red liquid. You already knew what it was by the smell of it. 

He smiled towards you and spoke up, “I’m sure thou has questions?”

You didn’t know why but all you did was nod. 

“So go ahead and ask away.”

“What…” you huffed and started again. You tried to think of what words to say. “Have you… turned me into a monster?”

“If you call everlasting beauty monstrous then sure.” He smiled. 

You furrowed your eyebrows, “and those girls…”

“Fail transformations… they are as thou calls still living beings.”

“And my sister..?” You said trying to calm yourself down. You could feel anger coursing through you. “What was done with her?”

“Ahh Brionna… beautiful girl. Not a beauty like you.” He said in a tone that had your body swaying. You still pulled together a cold demeanor. 

“What of her?” You said and pounded your hand on the table. Parts of yourself were batting for control and you needed to try to pull yourself together. 

“Do not raise your voice at me, little dove,” he whispered and it was enough to make you silent but not obedient. “She’s gone… she walked into the sunlight and burst into flames. She couldn’t handle being like us.”

You shook your head as tears started to fill your eyes, “Why do you keep saying, us?”

“Because thou is now like me. Thee is part of the undead. A vampire.” He drank the rest of the goblet and let the blood drip down his mouth. His face now mirrored yours. He got up and walked towards you. You started to shake when he got closer, tears were falling fully now. 

“What ails you, little dove?” he asked in such a soothing tone. 

“You,” you whispered as you glared at him. “You are a monster.”

He was quiet when you got face to face with you and then he spoke up. His eyes were the only thing you could focus on. 

“I am.”

He grabbed your face causing a scream out of your mouth. He took that moment to shove his tongue in your mouth. You tasted the sweet blood of another girl who was unlucky enough to be a blood vessel. He lifted you onto the table, holding you tightly to him as he made his way down your neck. 

“I watched you… and that girl,” he whispered in your ear causing a shiver to run through you. “Little performers, the two of you are,” he chuckled as his hands ripped your nightgown in half. 

You didn’t know what to do. Your body stayed still like it craved his touch. It was an actual battle for yourself, for your own body. You gasped as you clutched his hair, pulling it back when his fingers entered you.  

“Tell me if I eat you better than she does,” he groaned when your nails started to puncture his head. 

His tongue was all over you. He couldn’t stop licking and sucking every area around your clit. You screamed when his fingers entered a special spot within you. You didn’t want to be touched by him and yet you still yearned for it. Lucy Gray could only touch you like that and you felt like you were betraying her. 

The feel of his fingers. The stickiness of his tongue had you moaning and writhing beneath him. Your crying didn’t slow once when you felt that sudden coiling in your stomach. When Lucy Gray would do it to you. You let go of his hair to claw to the table, loud shrieks came from it. Your nails tore through the wood. He was all over you everywhere, sucking and kissing wherever he saw fit. Finally, you felt it, that euphoric feeling. A calm rushed over you and your whole body could finally relax. You breathed deeply as you felt him get up and kiss your lips deeply. In your blissed-out state you didn’t focus on the feel of his length on your thighs, so when he entered you the gasp that left you was sharp. 

It was a different feeling that had you wanting to push him away. You couldn’t tell if you liked it but that didn’t stop him from thrusting into you. He was so deep that you had to gasp for air. Your chest curved up to the sky as if you were ascending to heaven itself. 

You tried to keep a calm mind but it was all over the place every thrust and every moan that fell from his lips had you rolling your eyes. You could feel yourself go numb. 

He held you to him, pressing his lips against yours. “Perfect, little dove. You feel so perfect.” He moaned into your lips. 

His moaning had you tightening all around him. He smiled down at you, “So wet. Can’t you hear yourself and the way you are singing for me?” 

You did but you didn’t want to focus on it. The sounds that came from you both, the wet noises of your cunt greedily sucking at his cock. You wanted to throw up, to pull him off of you but the brutal pace he set had you gripping him for stability. You crawled his back so hard you felt a wetness seep from it. It wasn’t his blood that was coursing through him. It was the one from the goblet. The smell told you, it was addicting. It smelled like roses, the first scent you ever smelled off him. You guessed that was the reason for the scent. You couldn’t stop yourself from biting down on his large chest. The groans that you pulled from him kept you from stopping and the blood was sweet liquid gold. It fully sated your hunger as soon as it hit your lips. You moaned from the taste alone. 

He smiled at you as he brought his mouth down to your neck. He took a bite and started to drink from you too. The scent of blood in the air mixed with his thrusts had you coming again. He did one deep thrust that had him following you not long after. You were spent, you could barely pick yourself up. He stepped away from you and pulled his trousers back on. 

“There are so many things for you to learn, little dove,” he said with a chuckle as he picked you up bridal style. You leaned your head against his chest. 

“So many things.”

. . . 

Coriolanus, your now master, was one of the first things he taught you. His name and what it meant. He taught you more things. Things you needed to do to survive. 

But when he wasn’t teaching you, it was as if you were animals. It was nonstop he would come into your room and fuck you until you were a bloody mess under him. You felt awful. You couldn’t sleep anymore because of your now “ailment.” You could rest but not sleep, not dream. You wanted a place where you could escape him even just for a second.

But from what he taught you. You can’t… he was your master now. He was now connected to you in a way that forced you to submit to him. You had to listen to him because your body will. He owns you and your very soul, not that you had one since you were dead. You grew depressed. You couldn’t bear the thought of this being your life. For weeks on end, you would stare out the window waiting for something, someone. Anything. But nothing ever came, just him and… his hunger for you. 

It got to the point where you couldn’t eat. You wanted to rot away desperately but he wouldn’t allow it. He threatened he would kill Aranche in front of you and your brother. He promised he would cut out her heart before feeding it to Anibal. It kept you from starving fully mostly because he took pity and gave you some of his “blood” to drink instead. Though it didn’t hurt you when you did starve yourself, you just didn’t look like yourself. 

Your face would be gaunt and your skin looked so dull. It was like your body ate itself when you didn’t feast. Coriolanus didn’t like it when you looked like that. Since all your beauty would go away. He didn’t like it when you weren’t beautiful. 

So every time you needed to drink he would fuck you and let you drink from him. He didn’t really care that he was a source of “blood” because of how much he loved being inside of you. Though he did taunt you from time to time and call it a jest. He made cruel remarks on how you can’t live like that forever and one of these days your hunger will drive you to kill every civilian in the village. You would deny ever needing human blood and he would laugh like you told him the funniest joke in the world. It was true. You didn’t know how long you could survive like this. Every day of him on top of you, and your body milking him for every drop of blood or otherwise. 

That is why you ran. You ran fast, faster than your mind could comprehend. The way you escaped was spontaneous. You stabbed him with a makeshift stake and took off. You were weak this time around since you were still feeding off of him. Vampire blood wasn’t like human blood so it could only sustain you for so long. You could barely stand and you were “out of breath” for the first time since you were turned. 

You collapsed onto the ground in a huff. You could barely move and to be completely honest you would’ve laid there forever. Forever… until you smelled something. You followed its scent even though you could barely control your senses. Your eyes were blurry and you could barely make out the small animal in front of you. 

When you finally did see it you frowned. It was a bunny. A small helpless bunny. 

You couldn’t bring yourself to harm it. There was no way so you turned away but the scent caught your attention again. You didn’t know when it got into your grasp or how. It was like you went into a frenzy. You couldn’t stop your body as your teeth pierced its soft flesh. You felt so much better after drinking its blood. You finally felt strong. You tried not to waste a single drop but some of it still ran down your chin. 

You heard the sound of twigs breaking. It made you pause in your position. You heard the sound of your name from a voice you loved. The tone immediately placated you. 

You turned around and the girl that stood there was in a black garb, the one she wore in mourning. You didn’t know how long it’s been since you’d last seen her. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy. She still looked so beautiful since the day you last saw her. You looked at her and all those times Coriolanus had you, were now all over your mind. You couldn’t stop the tears from falling. 

“Lucy Gray,” you sobbed and ran into her arms. 

She hugged you tightly to her or at least tried to. Usually, her arms felt tight around you. She always squeezed you like you were going to disappear from her. Now… she felt like nothing against you. 

She was warm and soft against you. You could smell her, sweet just like her soft lips. You tried to ignore it as she hugged you. You could feel her tears all over your neck. 

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” you kept saying. She pulled back and held your face. Her eyes were stuck on the blood that covered your chin. You wiped at it, not even wanting to meet her eyes. 

“Hush now… you’re okay. You’re with me now.” It got quiet after that Lucy Gray just stared at you while you stared at the ground. She said your name, holding your face up so you could look at her. “What happened?” 

You started shaking your head as you leaned into her, “I can’t- I don’t…” You didn’t want to talk about that, you just wanted to hold her and never let go. 

“Gorgeous…”

The nickname only caused an agonizing gasp to leave your cracked lips. How could she still call you that? You didn’t look like yourself. You thought you didn’t look like you were hers, so how could she still love you?

“How about we get you cleaned up?” 

You couldn’t bring yourself to speak. It would only come out in a croak so you opted to nod. She took your hand and led you onto a path, a path you knew like the back of your hand. She slowly started to walk into the water with you. She walked until the water was around your waist. She rubbed off the dried blood on your chin and picked out the leaves and sticks in your hair. She rubbed off any remaining dirt and brought you back to the shoreline. 

You were quiet as you sat there. Lucy Gray couldn’t stop the glances that she threw at you. She was worried, the last time you went silent. Your sister was stolen from you.  

“Do you want to see Anibal?” She asked and you could only shake your head. 

You couldn’t stand the thought of him seeing you like this. You weren’t you. You were dead. You weren't his sister anymore. You were going to continue to be “alive” while he would grow old and die. You couldn’t live with yourself if you gave him that fate. It would be better for him to think his sister was dead. 

“I shouldn’t have come back…” you quietly said. Lucy Gray stared at you grabbing a hold of your hand. 

“No, don’t say that. I thought I lost you,” she said as she held your hand in her lap. 

“You did.” You stared into the water and watched as the waves crashed into the shore. You took your hand out of her lap and brought your knees to your chest. You were tired. No, tired wasn’t the right word. You felt dead. You started to cry again. You were in mourning for your life before the Blonde God. 

Lucy Gray took your face in her hands. She rubbed your cheeks and then your lips before pulling you into a kiss. You melted into it. You missed the feeling of her. She was your safety that was until you felt the presence of your master. You turned to see him staring daggers at you both. You got up immediately and pushed her behind you. 

“I gave thee eternal beauty… powers beyond the world has ever seen and thou betrayed me.”

“I… I just wanted to see her.”

“You almost killed me!” He screamed at you with so much malice you could only keep your gaze on the ground. He was berating you like you were a child though you almost killed him. You didn’t feel bad, maybe half of yourself did but you couldn't not fully. You never asked for it. You never wanted to be turned. You would rather be dead.

Lucy Gray stood next to you, standing ground. She glared at him, “Tis a shame really… that she didn’t kill thee. ‘would’ve been better off.” 

Coriolanus gaze was hard now like he couldn’t believe a human was talking to him in such a way. Before you knew it he was grabbing her and holding her by the throat. 

“No lesser being gets to speak to me like that. Especially you,” he said. You heard a sharp gasp come from her and you looked down at her chest to see the same stake you stabbed him with. He threw her onto the ground like she was nothing. You ran over to her tears flooded your eyes. You wanted to scream, to hurt Coriolanus, to do something but you couldn't, you could just hold her to your chest. 

She smiled at you as she held her chest, “Tis better this way…”

You shook your head as tears made their way down your cheeks. 

“I- I can’t live without you,” you cried, “I love you.” 

She started to cry too at the sound of your voice. She closed her eyes trying and sighed, “I love you too.” She held your face and wiped your tears. Her touch was always still so soft. Her eyes started to glaze over when a thought came from you.

You looked at your wrist and slowly you sliced the skin. You didn’t know if it would work but you still tried. Blood spilled onto the ground as you held it over her mouth. You were pulled from her immediately when a few drops fell into her mouth. 

“Foolish girl. It won’t work,” he angrily said as he pulled you close to him. He held his lips to your ear, you tried your best to pull him off. “She's dead, accept that.”

You screamed getting frustrated that you couldn’t pull him off of you. 

“Accept it.” He said. You finally accepted that you weren’t going to be let go. You sighed as you stared at Lucy Gray. You could feel tears coming back as you turned your head. 

. . . 

“Drink,” he spoke again. It was the tenth time he said it. You were a shaking crying mess as you bit into Io’s wrist. She passed out in your lap. You were glad she did when she first saw you. 

Every part of your body was raging at the smell of blood. Human blood. You groaned when the blood hit your tongue. You couldn’t say you didn’t miss the taste of human blood but you never felt more like a monster as you do now. 

You dropped Io’s hand when you had enough. You sighed deeply and wiped your mouth with your sleeve. You stared at Coriolanus as he tipped his head meaning you could finally go back to your room and sulk. He hasn’t touched you since Lucy Gray. However many weeks or months since that happened you haven’t drunk since. You were on a strike and you couldn’t bear the thought of drinking from him or anything else. You just wanted to die and be with the person you loved. The person who knew you, like the back of her hand. 

You dropped into your bed and started to cry again. That's all you did. Rest, cry, and repeat. You now had all the time in the world and you were wasting it crying. You knew if Lucy Gray were to see you now. She would be disappointed. She wouldn’t want you to cry about her, she would want you to be strong but you couldn’t. You had never had that thought of a world without her. A world without Lucy Gray. 

Now you were mourning her… and mourning your life. You missed your friends. Your little brother. Your mother. You would give anything to see them again. Just to feel their arms around you. 

The rain started to pick up as you cried. Thunder and lightning were all you could hear beyond your sobs. You then heard glass shatter and a figure floating at the edge of your window. You rubbed your eyes and furrowed your eyebrows at the sight. You carefully walked over to find Lucy Gray. She was covered in blood. From the smell, it was animal and certain scents of human. Her head was tilted downward making her hair cover every inch of her face. 

“Lucy Gray…” you quietly said. You felt scared just by the sight of her. She landed on the glass shards. Her stepping on them caused a horrible sound. When she made her way to you, you couldn’t help but feel awful. She was here with you now. Changed… she was like you and you didn’t want that for her. 

“I missed you, gorgeous,” she whispered in your ear as her arms wrapped themselves around you. 

You stood there not knowing what to do. It took you a minute to hug her back. You heard the door open and watched as Coriolanus’s silhouette stood at the door. Lucy Gray pulled herself from you as she turned. She still held your waist as she stared at Coriolanus. She rubbed the side of your neck with her face causing blood to soak into your skin and nightgown. She grinned at Coriolanus when she was done and you didn’t know who to look at, your master or your undead lover.

#dark!coriolanus snow #dark!coriolanus snow x reader #lucy gray baird x reader #lucy gray x reader #lucy gray my beloved #coriolanus snow x reader #coriolanus snow x you #coriolanus snow #lucy gray baird #tbosas

[kottekonst]

Birthday Fanfic - Soft 14

Diving headfirst into Tumblr by posting the little birthday fanfic I wrote for my bestie @davidtennan-t Because she deserves all the soft 14th Doctor content 💖

Ten glorious months had passed since the Doctor had bi-generated, and subsequently sent his 14th regeneration into not-quite-retirement, or perhaps more aptly a retreat-for-emotionally-damaged-time-travellers. Time was a funny thing for anyone to grasp, and even though the Doctor had lived seemingly for eons, he suddenly found himself with oodles of spare time – a concept he had never experienced nor grasped before. He was still struggling to adjust to it, and the restlessness could make him absolutely insufferable at times. Donna had never seen someone illustrate the idiom “climbing the walls” literally before, but if she’d ever expect it of someone it would only be her freakishly nimble Spaceman.

During the first couple of months, she would often find him out in the shed in the dead of night tinkering with everything from a Silurian hibernation unit to model aircrafts, or in the kitchen experimenting with the ideal pH-level for water to make the perfect brew. Other times he would be sat next to Rose either deep in the most random conversation, or complete silence, or listening to one of her playlists, while he handed her tools and materials to put together her latest design. Her gonks had changed since she let go of the lingering Meta-Crisis, but she kept coming up with new ideas, some that Donna heavily suspected were inspired by actual aliens from trips they kept sneaking off to. Truthfully, Donna simply loved the fact that her daughter was able to explore time and space as she had once done, but she was also very protective of her. The universe could be an incredibly dangerous place, but there was no one she trusted more when it came to protection than the Doctor.

After a couple of months, the Doctor had finally started unwinding. His restlessness declined and the lines in his face became softer as the broodiness eased up, and he would often sleep through the night rather than tinker or aimlessly wander. He rarely spoke of his experiences during the time they had been apart, but he would bring something up on occasion to any of them. He and Wilf seemed to have a special understanding, as they had both experienced their fair share of battles. The bond between Donna and the Doctor went far beyond words though, and while there were times when they spoke endlessly and tirelessly, they often sat in comfortable silence. It wasn't uncommon for the Time Lord to seek Donna out for a comforting hug, or he would wordlessly take a seat next to her and curl his skinny frame up against her, with a sigh as deep as the Universe.

 The Doctor was slowly healing from his trauma, which in turn made their whole little household more harmonic. It was only in the last month or so that Donna noticed another sign of healing in the Time Lord. His hollow cheeks had filled out not long after settling down, but now she realised he was actually filling out in other ways. Those tight suits were looking tighter still these days, and his lower shirt buttons were definitely struggling to contain a certain softness that had never been there before. It didn't surprise her, but she could tell the Doctor was oblivious to it, initially at least. Even though he still had the energy of a toddler on a sugar high, his days of endless running and fleeing were done, and retirement came with creature comforts the Doctor had never been able to partake in before now. There was suddenly time for three course dinners, or meals that lasted hours, not to mention countless cups of tea and biscuits. It wasn't just meals shared with friends and newfound family - the Doctor became rather popular in the village, particularly the sweet old lady in the house next door. He had started doing odd jobs for her the day he moved in and to show her gratitude and appreciation she would make muffins, cakes, and sugary biscuits, meaning his larder was always stocked with freshly baked goods. One might even suspect she was actively trying to fatten him up, since she kept fussing and fretting over his skinny frame, and Donna didn’t blame her – his gaunt appearance had been rather harrowing when he’d finally conceded to settling down. The soft roll that had slowly formed around the Time Lord’s waist was a testament to the healing and decompressing he’d experienced thus far, and it was honestly reassuring to see it.

To a stranger’s eye, the Doctor would probably still appear as lean or lanky, but to those who knew him there was no denying the subtle changes. A few weeks ago, the Time Lord had finally caught up with it himself, and the realisation hit him when he encountered two issues at once. Firstly; he tore a button off in his struggle to button up his shirt, and secondly; he couldn’t get his trousers closed and zipped up either. He had marched in on the family eating breakfast, wearing only a vest and boxers, ranting and raving about this perplexing issue. They had all sprung into action in their own ways, showing support and patience for the brilliant yet simultaneously dim alien. Rose had wordlessly taken the Doctor’s trousers and went straight to her craft room to let them out enough to make them wearable, until he could get himself a new pair. Shaun had gone to his closet to pick out one of his own shirts, which certainly wouldn’t be a perfect fit, but would definitely be big enough for the Time Lord. That left Donna, and Wilf to a lesser extent, with the task of explaining the changes that had been so obvious to everyone but the Doctor. He had been relentlessly running for so long that the consequences of not doing so had clearly slipped his mind, and it was evident that the notion of putting on weight both intrigued him and irked him simultaneously. Now that he’d settled into a routine, the Doctor was less apt at dealing with changes, either for good or bad. There was also a certain vanity that came with being a Time Lord, but it had certainly lessened with this regeneration, and Donna couldn’t help but smirk to herself when she thought how the Doctor might have reacted to putting on a few back when they’d first travelled together.

“You definitely need some meat on your bones, Doctor – frankly, you’ve earned it,” Wilf insisted robustly.

“He’s right, you know. This is nothing but a bit of comfort weight,” Donna reiterated.

“I don’t know… it just makes me feel so…” the Doctor faltered, unable to find the right word.

“…human? Normal? At peace, at long last?” Donna suggested. She noticed him making the tiniest of grimaces at the first word, and she couldn’t help but give him a playful glare – as much as he loved humanity, he still found it hard to fully embrace anything human about himself, which only made it easier to tease him.

“Oh, stop sulking, you big dunce. If I threw a fit every time the scale didn’t show the number I’d like, Shaun would have walked out within our first week together. That tiny excuse for a belly would hardly even be enough for three Adipose, you know,” she remarked, which made them both chuckle reminiscently.

Since that morning, the Doctor had grudgingly allowed the TARDIS automated tailoring unit to alter his suits, but it certainly improved his comfort levels. He didn't alter the trousers that Rose had let out for him as her work was impeccable, and the gesture meant the world to him. Donna had even seen him lovingly stroking the fine stitches at the waistband, which nearly made her burst into tears out of love for the alien uncle's adoration of his human niece.

Just before the weekend, Rose had begged her parents to let the doctor take her for a quick visit to Greece. She had desperately wanted to see the Acropolis, but Donna didn't want her messing about with time, so they had compromised and allowed them to go to modern day Greece. They were only gone for half an hour that Saturday, but had spent an equivalent of 6 hours in Athens. Apart from visiting the ruins of the Acropolis, they had done some shopping, or rather, Rose had. No matter how much Donna tried to discourage it, the Doctor wouldn't stop spoiling his niece. And she was thankfully too sweet to take advantage of him… at least most of the time. She had picked out two dresses and a lush fabric for her sewing projects, and even managed to convince the Doctor to buy himself a new pair of swim trunks as well as vegan moussaka for the whole family’s supper. As it turned out, that wasn't the only thing they'd ended up bringing home.

“That is not what I think it is,” Donna protested when they exited the TARDIS.

“We couldn't leave him, Mum. He was nearly run over by a car, but the Doctor saved him,” insisted Rose, who was clutching a tiny ginger kitten to her chest.

Donna turned her pointed gaze on the Time Lord, who merely shrugged helplessly.

“I might not be the biggest cat lover, but I couldn't let the poor beast get squished,” he said.

“I'm not saying you should have let it die, but you can’t let her drag home every bedraggled creature you happen upon, or you’ll have to turn the whole village into a sanctuary for kittens, Oods, and God knows what else,” Donna sighed in exasperation.

“You got to keep your bedraggled alien,” Rose pointed out with a cheeky expression.

“Oi, don’t get snippy with me, missy. Now you’d better sort out a flea bath for that baby – we can’t do with an infestation on our hands… again,” Donna ordered.

Rose merely giggled as she handed the small creature over to the Time Lord, while she hurried for the gate – the old lady next door had plenty of flea shampoo to spare, as they’d found out after a particularly hairy alien (quite reminiscent of a certain Meep) had paid them a visit… and brought along a few unwelcome pests. The Doctor held the tiny cat as if it was a very delicate, yet also repulsive, figurine.

“What is this strange aversion you have to cats?” Donna chuckled at his perturbed expression.

“Not sure… suppose it’s got something to do with their glands,” he muttered.

Donna merely shook her head and stooped to pick up the shopping that had been left just outside the TARDIS to bring it inside. 

Within the hour, Rose had managed to give the kitten a bath and its first meal. It had also knocked over two potted plants, gnawed a hole in one of Wilf’s slippers, and caused the Doctor to curse loudly in Gallifreyan as it used his long leg as a climbing pole while the Time Lord was trying to reheat the moussaka. By supper time, she had set up a playpen for it, so they could all enjoy their meal together without the ginger furnado causing mayhem around them. Once they had enjoyed their Greek cuisine, Rose turned her attention back on the kitten, while Donna took care of the dishes. By the time she had finished wiping the kitchen down, she went to see how her daughter was getting on with her new pet but was surprised to find Rose by herself in her craft room.

“Where did you put that kitten then?” Donna wondered.

“I asked the Doctor to keep an eye on him – I forgot I had a deadline to keep,” Rose replied and gestured to the purple gonk sat on her desk.

“If that’s going to be your pet, you’ll need to be responsible for it, love – no handing it off the moment you get too busy, that’s not how animals work,” Donna pointed out.

“Oh Mum… you honestly thought I kept that cat just for me?” Rose chuckled as she turned to focus on her sewing.

Donna was about to argue since it was evident the Doctor really didn’t care much for the critter, but there was a knowing sort of gleam in her daughter’s eyes that made her curious.

“All right, if you say so. We were thinking of watching a film later, if you’d care to join us,” she said.

“Thanks – if I get this finished I might take you up on that,” Rose replied. 

Donna left the craft room behind and decided to see how the Doctor was getting on with the furry menace. His bedroom was empty, but she hadn’t expected him to bring the kitten in there anyway, and so she headed to the first floor sitting room next. There was the Time Lord and the ginger beast, but not in a position she had expected. The alien was sat on the sofa, long legs sprawled over the floor, his body slumped against the cushions in a deep sleep. His head was tilted back, his mouth slightly agape as he breathed calmly and steadily. On his ever so slightly rounded middle lay the kitten, curled into a tiny ball of soft fur and whiskers, also deep in sleep. The sight was almost too endearing to handle – Donna nearly wept at it. This was all she’d ever wanted for her best friend… A life of love and comfort, with friends and family ever present. For him to be safe, to be saved, but her daughter had spotted a different need; the Doctor’s need to save others. A kitten might not compare to rescuing an entire town, planet or species, but it was a life saved all the same. Donna carefully pulled out her phone to snap a picture of the picturesque scene, before taking a seat across from the snoozing Time Lord. The sound of her movement caused him to stir, and he slowly came to with a yawn.

“Looks like you’ve gotten soft, Spaceman… in more ways than one,” Donna teased him fondly.

The Doctor blinked sleepily at her, before peering down at the kitten still sleeping soundly on his recently softened middle.

“I suppose once you look past the glands they may not be so bad after all,” he conceded with a crooked smile.

“That niece of yours has got you wrapped around her little finger, you know,” she remarked.

“She does. I am helpless against her charm,” he chuckled.

“You’re both absolutely hopeless,” Donna pointed out.

“I’d say she gets it from her mother,” the Doctor retorted, while he gestured for Donna to join him, since he was reluctant to shift his position even slightly. She had long since stopped second guessing what anyone else might make of their physical closeness – if it didn’t bother her husband, what did it even matter? So she didn’t hesitate to switch seats and settle down next to the Time Lord, where he instantly let himself sink down further until he could nussle his head up against her shoulder. Donna reached out and stroked the tiny ginger furball, and the kitten instantly started purring in its sleep. There they sat in comfortable silence, Spaceman and Earthgirl, and all was well.

#14th doctor #doctor donna #softdoctorissoft #happy birthday bestie #fanfic #my post #my writing

[actual-changeling]

Do you think Aziraphale has been verbally, emotionally and psychologically abused by Heaven as well?

I will answer this question like one asked in good faith even though my gut is telling me there's a 50/50 chance it is very much not one.

So!

There are two parts to his answer, or rather one question is actually two.

Firstly, we have to talk about whether heaven is abusive, what that abuse looks like, and how it differs from hell.

Secondly, how did the results of question one affect Aziraphale, if it is different from what the other angels in heaven face, and what additional trauma might he have experienced due to being on earth.

I could write a 10k meta post about this and go into the finest detail, but I will just try and stick to the main points for now. It's still going to be way too long because I am so fucking tired of people accusing me of 'hating' Aziraphale or harassing me on my posts or in my inbox.

Is heaven abusive? Yes, and it applies to both heaven as an institution and the Archangels running it.

Getting to know Muriel and what their life looks like was extremely helpful in properly defining this, because they showed us that although the Archangels tend to travel and work as a group, most of the angels are incredibly isolated.

The result is complete emotional neglect, which not only impairs your ability to form and maintain healthy relationships with other people, it also stops your from learning emotional regulation and how to behave and feel as a part of (angelic) society. We see the consequences of that in Muriel, who comes across as overly naive, socially awkward, and out of touch with not just people but themselves.

When your entire life has been shrunk down to what happens inside your own head, suddenly being confronted with having to live outside of your mind is jarring, overwhelming, and foreign.

How do you talk to people when no one ever taught you how to do that? How do you behave around someone after a lifetime of being alone? How do your regulate your responses to their behaviour?

Who are you when there is someone else to perceive you?

Figuring that out is complicated and it takes time, and while most of the angels are only distantly aware of how humans live and what kind of interactions some of the other angels might have, the effects of that neglect stay the same whether they are aware of it or not.

Muriel shows us that angels are not born/made as a blank slate, and neither are humans for that matter. Tabula rasa as a philosophical belief is one thing, but reality is very, very different.

Angels also appear to have the same inherent need for connection, for a caretaker that loves them unconditionally, for someone to help them figure out how to be, and that provides a safe space to make mistakes. Without some or all of that, you grow up into a disregulated, socially awkward if not inept person who does not know how to have relationships or how to properly exist.

It is one of the reasons why autistic people are a) almost always traumatized to some degree and b) do not know how to socialize. No one ever works with our brains, and the resulting neglect is very similar to not receiving any help at all.

If you are now curious what happens if you're both autistic and were completely socially neglected, the result is uh. me. Hi! Not nice, but at least I am very sure I win the award for being my therapist's most fucked up client, so that's something.

Yet the angels are not solely emotionally neglected, the system/household they live in demands a low self-esteem, a lack of individual identity, and complete adherence to a defined ideology and behavioural pattern. In short, you are told how to be a useless, tiny part in a bigger machine, that your only purpose is to succeed at your tasks, and any opportunity for individual development is removed or destroyed.

If you are now once again curious what that might be like, uh, yeah, hi once more. Obviously my childhood was not exactly like an angels life, but the core characteristics were the same, just realized differently. Again, not pretty, really, really fucks you over.

Take that and the neglect, combine it into one person, and then drop them in the Garden of Eden—hello Aziraphale! Crowley got dropped into hell first, experienced more abuse, and then dug his way up into Eden before joining him.

Aziraphale experienced everything Muriel (and Crowley, and every other celestial being) also experienced, with one main difference: He is the one who got away.

We have to remember that out of every single celestial being, Aziraphale got the best deal. He did not fall, he got out of heaven (more or less) permanently, and was then largely left alone.

Does that erase anything I laid out above? No, of course not!

It simply provided him with the opportunity to heal, to take his cPTSD and who knows what other disorders he developed as a result, and start recovering.

Canonically, heaven did not bother him, like, ever, except for the odd note about 'frivolous miracles' or ten minutes of catching up every millennia. They only started monitoring him once they started to suspect he was involved with Crowley and trying to stop the apocalypse from happening.

Aziraphale worked on some things, he got better in many regards, especially with Crowley there to support him, but after six thousand years, many aspects have stayed the same or regressed back to the start over and over.

I will tell you a hard pill to swallow now: If you refuse to acknowledge your issues to instead live in a world of nicer denial and compartmentalization even when you have been offered the chance to change it, that is partly on YOU.

Is it fair? Fuck no! It's not fair at all, and I have had so many breakdowns over that fact. I did not break it, this is not my FAULT so why should I have to fix it all on my own? Why do I have to do the work, not them? How come they get away with it while I am going to have to carry this for the rest of my life?

I still have to do it though. I have to do the work, no matter how uncomfortable and exhausting, because I want to get better.

-

This conversation has so many facets and is a lot more complex, but this is already long enough, so if you have any questions or want to know something specific (while asking politely and in good faith) just send me an ask; I will do my best to answer it.

-

We are now only missing the last part of question 2, and that one is also so fucking complicated reducing it to the main points almost feels wrong, but I will do it anyway. Again, just ask if you have questions.

Abusive households are horrible, and you want to get out and away, but they are also the only thing you know. The world is scary, too big, too open, where did all the rules go that were previously defining your life?

Surviving in an abusive environment means you establish routine after routine after routine for every possible horrible scenario, you write a mental rule book to try and reduce the abuse (don't make them angry, don't cry when they're already shouting, don't do this, don't do that, do x but not y), and THAT is your socialization. THAT is everything you know, everything you are, everything you know relationships to be like.

Once you are away from that, you are completely and utterly lost. Even breathing feels like making a mistake, you feel watched, judged, rated, berated, you have them stuck in your fucking head. So you keep sticking to what you know, your behavioural patterns that have kept you safe your entire life.

The problem is that they kept you safe, past tense. In a healthy environment, all of those coping mechanisms are now maladaptive and harm you instead of keeping you safe.

However, breaking out of them and starting from scratch is terrifying. So, so, so terrifying. I live in constant fear, I feel judged and unsafe in my own flat with the curtains shut and the lights on. I feel like I am about to get subjected to another one of his fits for daring to use the stove.

No matter what you do, your body and brain are SCREAMING at you that diverging from what you know will kill you—and then you have to do it anyway.

Do it alone and afraid and awkwardly but DO IT. Otherwise you will always find a way to recreate the environment you grew up in, whether that is people getting into unhealthy relationships and replicating the patterns they know (which Aziraphale does with Crowley, e.g. the push-pull of his affection) or eventually even returning to it because they ruined you, but a part of you is so, so attached to them you just have to try and change them.

Some people can move on from it without going back, but sometimes you need to try and experience that failure for yourself before being able to move on, and that's where Aziraphale is at.

He needs to try and fail to be capable of finally committing to recovering.

So, to summarize this entire shitshow: Yes, Aziraphale experienced emotional neglect and abuse, and while it is different to what Crowley went through and objectively less intense and physical, it is still just as valid and horrid.

Just because a car accident is objectively worse than falling off a bike doesn't mean the biker's pain is unimportant. Both can kill you, both can hurt you, and both deserve to get their injuries treated.

Questions?

#alex answers asks #alex talks good omens #good omens #good omens meta #aziraphale #crowley #aziraphale meta #good omens season 2 #go2 #aziracrow #crowley x aziraphale #ineffable husbands #ineffable wives #ineffable spouses #ineffable divorce #the final fifteen #heaven is terrible #trauma discussion #long post

[mlmxreader]

Cat Person | Simon Ghost Riley x gn!reader

『••✎••』

↳ ❝ "I think if you stay, something bad will happen. I think I might hurt you. You don't want to get hurt, do you?" lipbite I see werewolf! Ghost potential here. (0_0) The tension…. ❞

: ̗̀➛ when Simon returns, he's different, strange. He's shutting you out and you don't know why.

: ̗̀➛ body horror, gore, monsters, swearing

•───────────────★•♛•★──────────────•

Simon had been distant, far too distant, and although you did your best to try and win him back, to try and make up for whatever mistake you had made, he just wasn’t responding; conversations that were once long and full of dry, sarcastic humour were now little more than an “alright?” followed by a curt nod before he disappeared again.

You didn’t understand it in the slightest, wondering what you had done wrong. Wondering how you had hurt him so badly that he wouldn’t even look at you anymore. Had you really been so cruel to him without knowing?

Had you really hurt him so bad without noticing?

Nobody could help you, either, and even Gaz - your own step brother - didn’t have a clue what was going on; although he did admit that Simon’s mood had been soured with everyone lately, not just you.

Ever since Simon had returned from the arête of Crib Goch, something had soured him on everybody; he was moody, didn’t sleep much, constantly sweating like he had a fever and it never mattered how much he washed and put deodorant on, he still stank something awful.

He was irritable, snappy and snippy all the same; he was… different.

There was something in his eyes that was different, odd; Price had said it could have been because of the animal attack, but everyone was more than confused by that - there were no large animals at Crib Goch, not unless someone put them there on purpose.

Maybe a private collector who didn’t find any care for them anymore, maybe escapees from a zoo but… but if that had happened, there would have been news reports, and no one had seen such a thing.

There was something that Simon wasn’t telling everyone, and it was both jarring and worrisome; but as his partner, you thought he would have so much as tried to talk to you, not just completely brushed you off. 

But Simon would never tell anyone what had happened on that arête, he could never, it was too unbelievable, too silly of a story and he wasn’t even entirely sure it had happened anyway.

Sure, his memory up until after the attack was clear enough, but that wasn’t good enough; Simon knew that the human mind could play tricks to protect itself - making him watch himself do things, feeling like he wasn’t actually solid matter or that the people around him weren’t actually real.

He had experienced all of that ten times over, he was no stranger to the lengths the human brain would go to to try and protect itself, to try and cope with trauma.

He wasn’t fucking stupid; he knew that positive psychotic symptoms, derealisation, dissociation - they could all happen after events like what he had been through.

But even he couldn’t be absolutely sure about what had happened.

But it did seem… so real. It really did. 

He was going along the pyg track, painfully aware of the fragility of certain rocks to his left as he trudged on forward; he could feel something watching him, but at the time, he had assumed that it was little more than a bird of prey nearby searching for a mouse or something, he didn’t think much of it.

Crib Goch was a relatively safe place, no human would have followed him at least; yet there had been several sightings lately, all within the Yr Wyddfa area… big wild cats, pumas and the like. Simon didn’t believe them all too much, chalking it down to the human mind playing tricks; it was probably just a stray dog or something, if anything.

But something had been watching him on that track, something had been following him. Had he known then what he knew now, he would have turned around and ran back to the car.

He didn’t make it more than another metre, before something thudded into his back, pinning him down with heavy round hands, more like paws really.

A ghastly growl echoing through the dark skies before something bit down on his leg, a set of sharp and pointed teeth, tearing through his muscle tissue with ease; he had called out, squirming and doing his best to fight whatever was attacking him - his free leg hit something heavy, and he managed to wriggle forward before grabbing the leg of whatever was at his back and throwing it as hard as he could.

He had no idea what the fuck he had seen, all he caught a glimpse of was something… on all fours. But that could have been because of anything. 

But since then, there had been some… strange goings on. Things that the doctors and GPs he saw couldn’t explain. Constant sweating, like he had a fever. Yet his body temperature was always normal when they took it.

Itching deep within his bones all over his body, so hard to ignore that it hurt when he didn’t scratch at it; his arms littered with deep, yellow scabs that were so thick they cracked open and let out spurts of blood when he bent his arms.

His joints ached, as if they were trapped by the flesh of his body.

He couldn’t sleep during the night, like his natural body clock had somehow reversed itself completely without him knowing. He craved meat constantly, even the mere mention of blood making his stomach growl loudly; it didn’t matter how much he ate… and his teeth.

Oh, how his teeth stung and sharply throbbed, like they were trying to push themselves out of his mouth constantly. Yet, the dentist could not find a cause; considering his lack of dental treatment due to his finances, his teeth were good. There was no reason that his teeth should have hurt like that.

He was constantly overwhelmed by everything; scents were much stronger, much more harsh on his nose and made him easily wince. Lights of all kinds hurt his eyes, making them sting. Every texture felt awful. 

Home alone for the night, as you were helping Gaz move into his new flat and you were going to spend the night so that you could have a film night like you used to when you were children, Simon couldn’t rest.

Something felt… wrong. His stomach kept squirming, moving around the cavern beneath his ribs constantly, refusing to settle. He could hear his heartbeat hammering in his chest, loud and faster than usual. He was out of breath, sweating profusely even though he had long ago stripped down to nothing and opened all the windows.

He could feel his heart throbbing in his throat, making him sit in still silence for a moment as he swallowed thickly and wondered what the fuck was going on; maybe it was dehydration, he wondered, but when he dared to stand, he was quickly brought to his knees as a shooting pain coursed through every single nerve and muscle in his body.

His teeth.

They were stretching, cracking loudly as they forced themselves to elongate. The front four, so sharp that they poked into his chin like needles. The back, shorter but wider.

His gums bled, forcing him to spit a puddle of bile-laced blood onto the floor as he whimpered softly, reaching up to cup his jaw as he cried softly. Blood trickled from his teeth, forcing him to weep as he wished for it to end. Agony.

He got no relief, though, as his skull creaked and ground against itself harshly, becoming more oval shaped, a blunt muzzle sitting at the end of his face; he wanted to scream, but it came out as mere garbles and chokes. His head was throbbing, but at least the teeth weren’t digging into his chin anymore.

His fingers twisted and curled, the bones pulsing through the flesh with ease, rendering the muscles and skin limp and lifeless. His hands were shaking as his fingers sunk into themselves slightly at the mid finger knuckles, the bones falling black and dead onto the floor with a soft clatter; his hands didn’t even look like hands anymore, rounded and resembling something more like an animal than an ape.

Yet, at the mid finger knuckles, something sharp and scathing pushed through from where the dead bones were; coated in something sticky and slick, they dug into the floor, leaving long scratch marks where Simon struggled against every single change.

He collapsed onto his side, sobbing pitifully as his legs and arms twisted and rippled, lengthening; his shoulder blades rested further towards his spine. His legs moved so that the bones would no longer allow him to walk upright. Forced to walk like a beast.

He wept. He wanted to die.

His ears crunched as they moved upwards, the top of his skull. Something hard and long ripped through his lower back, making him buck and wriggle as he tried to get away from it. Simon was running out of breath, running out of the will to keep going as he sighed and tried to catch his breath.

His eyes squished and squelched, becoming rounder, once dark brown, now harsh yellow. Silently, Simon prayed for death. For it all to end. But it wouldn’t. Something light and stringy licked at the undersides of his skin, making him itch terribly as he squirmed to try and find some relief.

Small stinging nettles slowly pushing through his skin, flicking bits of blood across the floor as they did so. It was a yellowish brown colour on one side, almost white on the other; the backs of his ears were black with a singular white spot in the middle of each. Splodges of black formed circles across his body, containing bits of brown inside of them. 

It seemed like hours before Simon could actually move again, every joint and every muscle aching and sharply stinging; he kept trying to stand up, but all it did was cause long scratch marks to become embedded on the surfaces he tried to pull himself up on.

He managed to make it to the hallway, and a sharp gargle left the back of his throat when he saw his appearance in the mirror; no, no, no, no. It wasn’t real.

No. No, it couldn’t have been. No. Such things didn’t exist, absolutely not.

He was just dreaming. Yeah, that was it - he was just dreaming. He paced around, trying to find various ways of waking himself up; running headfirst into the door, slamming his already painful muzzle into the cupboards.

But nothing worked. Nothing was fucking working.

He gave up, curling up on the sofa as he decided that, maybe, if he fell asleep in his nightmare, he would wake up. 

The flick of a lightswitch made him stand up, a harsh growl from the back of his throat as he dug into the soft cushions of the sofa; he never made that sound before. He never remembered the sofa cushions ever being so easily torn through.

“What the fuck?!” You yelled, staring at the beast on your sofa. “What the fuck is this shit?!”

Simon tilted his head to the side, then looked down at the sofa cushions; his feet were the way they had been when he fell asleep, and those awful and long claws were embedded in the sofa cushions. He shook his head, no.

No, no, no, no, no. No.

He looked at you, a deep and frantic chuffing noise coming from his throat even though he was hoping that he could actually form words; you looked horrified, but he continued to try, the noise becoming louder and louder. 

Fuck it.

He leapt off of the sofa, headed into the bedroom and went straight for the drawer; using his maw, he managed to drag it open, and easily picked up what he was looking for.

He had bought it for you a long time ago, and knew that you would know it was him. He dropped it at your feet, then took a few steps back as you picked it up.

Examining it, you chewed at your bottom lip, and then glared over at the beast. “Si… Simon?”

He nodded.

“Oh, what the fuck?!” You sounded exhausted. “Every day is some new fucking bullshit with you lot, I swear - first, Gaz ends up being called back to our family’s house because there’s a fucking leak and he knows about plumbing, so my film night was fucking ruined! Then! I come home and find my fucking boyfriend is - what? A fucking panther?!” 

Another chuffing sound, and you glared at him.

“You think this is funny?!” You scoffed. A nod. “Simon, you’re a fucking bastard.”

You scoffed, shaking your head; but you allowed Simon to stay close, still a little on edge to have a whole fucking big cat right at your side, but if you were honest?

When you fell asleep cuddled into him like a big teddy bear, you slept like a baby. You trusted him enough to fall asleep like that, cuddled into him knowing that he wouldn’t hurt you; but Simon felt differently.

He didn’t trust himself, didn’t trust his new instincts and didn’t trust what was happening to him. He couldn’t. There was no telling what he would do to you - he was a beast, a wild animal. He couldn’t trust himself. 

He slipped away before you woke up, leaving you alone and cold amongst the duvet and pillows, hoping that he could get far enough from you; but it only took a couple of hours before you found him again, naked as the day he was born and sitting at the riverbank. You frowned, setting a bag between his legs and nudging him gently. 

“I figured you could use these… I noticed your shit was all over our floors…”

Simon hummed, shaking his head. “You should go.”

“Why?”

“Because I think if you stay, something bad will happen,” he said quietly, roughly. “I think I might hurt you. You don’t want to get hurt, do you?”

You shook your head, sitting down beside him and resting your head on his shoulder as you looked out at the river. “Simon… I love you. I trust you. I know you’d never hurt me, even by accident… I’m your partner for a reason. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I could kill you,” he muttered. 

“I don’t care,” you hummed. “It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

Reluctantly, Simon opened the bag, and quickly grabbed the clothes; he was getting cold, and the scabs and scars littering his body were starting to turn a lightish purple colour. But when he sat back down, he kept his distance from you, and shook his head. “Please. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Simon,” you sighed, daring to move a little closer. “I sleep next to you every night. I stand behind you while you’re cooking. I sit next to you at the dinner table every time. You’ve never so much as accidentally flicked me… do you really think I think you’d hurt me?”

“I can’t trust myself.”

“You trust me though, don’t you?” You asked, and when he nodded slowly, you dared to smile. “So trust me now… please? Even just a little bit?”

“Okay,” he agreed quietly.

“Don’t shut me out again,” you told him, shaking your head a little. “Please?”

Simon nodded again. “I just never thought you were a cat person.”

#mlem writes #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley x you #simon ghost riley x y/n #simon ghost riley x yn #simon ghost riley imagine #simon ghost riley oneshot #simon ghost riley one shot #simon ghost riley fanfiction #simon ghost riley fanfic #simon ghost riley fic #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #simon riley x y/n #simon riley x yn #simon riley imagine #simon riley oneshot #simon riley one shot #simon riley fanfiction #simon riley fanfic #simon riley fic #simon riley #ghost riley x reader #ghost riley x you #ghost riley x y/n #ghost riley x yn #ghost riley imagine #ghost riley oneshot #ghost riley one shot

[romanticizingmurder]

One of the things that comes up a lot in meta on the vampire chronicles is trying to delineate between "this is being treated as a kink fantasy", "this is fictional trauma beinf sexualized", and "this is being treated like real trauma would be" and I think the interesting and almost unique to itself aspect of TVC is that...it's almost always all of the above.

I've been thinking about David and Lestat's respective turnings lately and what strikes me about both is how they don't really neatly line up into "portrayal of horrific trauma", "rape fantasy", or even "cnc fantasy" (hear me out, we'll get there), but are an uneasy mixture of all of them at the same time.

Disclaimer: I am going to be talking about rape in a fictional story both as a traumatic violence and as a fantasy. I am coming at this from the point of view of someone who enjoys kinks, including nonconsent in fiction, and who is a real life survivor.

Using David's turning because most of the discussion around it is neatly in the same one or two places, we see it treated as all of these things in turn.

Lestat undeniably rapes David. That is not only the implication from blood drinking as a metaphor for sexual desire, but explicitly the language used:

There are scenes of genuine anguish after the assault:

At the same time, the scene is, at least in my opinion, pretty sexualized! We linger in descriptions of David's body, of Lestat's pleasure in this monstrous deed.

And if this was all there was to it, I'd feel pretty comfortable putting this (and the many situations which mirror it in TVC) as a dead dove sort of situation. It's erotic horror, and this is both erotic and horrifying. What else did you expect?

And yet.

Let me make a relevant digression:

Up until 2012, when new research started coming out, the most popular theory for why rape fantasies are so prevalent among women was something called sexual blame avoidance. The idea being that women's sexuality and desires are so shamed by society as a whole that fantasies wherein they are forced allow them a guiltless way of experiencing desire.

This actually appears to not be the case for most people with these fantasies, but it certainly still is for many, and, possibly more relevantly: when these books were written, this would have been The theory on rape fantasies. That rape fantasies are a manifestation of desires that one feels ashamed of, so the fantasy of being forced removes one's agency and thus blame.

And here is David, having been raped by Lestat, saying he really did want it, he just couldn't allow himself to want it.

David had a desire he felt shame for desiring, and Lestat took away that shame by forcibly acting upon it.

It's easy to read this as simply rape apologism, and I can't stop anyone from reading it that way. And I don't and can't really know what Anne was thinking in this or in any number of other scenes that encompass erotica and horror and the comfort of fantasy all at once.

All I can do is say that the first thing I thought of when reading David's speech was how it felt directly lifted from any number of conversations I've had with other survivors on the appeal of cnc scenes. All I know is how I felt reading this and any number of other scenes in this series, which was: oh, finally someone understands what the fantasy is about.

But I think what trips people with that is that these stories aren't "just" short or erotica without weight. These are long stories with character development and emotional weight and real explorations of trauma. And I don't think that's inaccurate! I think they are that. I think these are, at least to me, also long explorations of kink fantasies and how the dynamics of those fantasies, removed from the need for consent and risk awareness of the real world.

Lestat can rape David and it can be something traumatic, something erotic, and something he ended up believing he wanted, because it's not one or the other in this universe. It can be an exporation of cycles of trauma, erotic horror, and long form kink fantasies written with real emotion, all at once. We don't have to choose just one - and I don't think Anne did, either.

#'im going to make a webweave' 4 hours later: #tripping and falling into meta about kink in tvc

[beanghostprincess]

it wouldn't surprise me that, despite sanji being the literal cook of the crew, he had an eating disorder (ofc trigger warning here for eds, child abuse, starvation and, y'know, sanji's background in general).

he experienced the most traumatic years of his life trapped inside a fucking cell, with a metal helmet around his head and only eating when his father let him. which was 'only when the kid needs it', probably. which leads to judge saying 'i couldn't even kill my son' and it can translate to 'at least i kept you alive'. and not to turn this into irl trauma, but abusive parents constantly use the 'keeping you alive and giving you food' excuse (the bare fucking minimum) to guilt trip you into thinking that they're good and that you're exaggerating how bad they treated you because, well, at least they kept you alive, didn't they?

so here, sanji sees food as a form of loving but in the sense of 'at least my dad didn't kill me. that's something'. so his vision towards food remains positive but only because of his mom. only because his love language is acts of service and his mom took everything he gave her, even if it was horrific, as a way of saying 'i love all of you. you're perfect because you tried and the fact that you brought me your food is enough to make me feel loved. you're not a mistake' despite his brothers and his father saying that he was, indeed, a mistake and weak for wanting to give food to others instead of just taking it for himself.

both ideas of 'someone who loves you wouldn't let you starve' and 'offering food to others is opening up your heart' coexist inside little sanji's brain.

so it wouldn't be crazy to think that, although sanji loves cooking and his best early memories of it are that book that kept him dreaming while he was locked up, and his mom's words, has a hard time eating food.

besides, sanji is used to giving, not taking. he's not selfish, but actually extremely generous to the point of forgetting about his own well-being. i don't think he actually thinks about how hungry he is until it hurts. until he needs it. he only ate whenever his father let him so he wouldn't starve, and the only thing that made him feel well about food was the fact that he could give it to the one he loved and needed it.

sanji doesn't have good experiences eating food, but only cooking it. it's a great representation of his personality as a whole, to be honest.

then the whole zeff thing happens, and he actually almost starves to death and learns what hunger feels like. but once again, zeff saves him and he's the one to be hungry for not letting the kid starve. which might seem similar to what judge did, but 'not letting you starve because i couldn't kill you' isn't the same as 'not letting you starve because i don't want you to die'. sanji learns the difference that day.

he didn't know somebody could be that kind. especially to him, someone who doesn't deserve it (he thinks he doesn't) because, in his house, love only came when you earned it.

and, you know, sanji's like that. sanji's selfless. sanji does everything for others. and so the guilt eats him up first. what zeff did is beautiful and amazing and we love him for it, but we don't know about how that affected sanji at a young age. which only makes him even more selfless and more of a better, kinder, generous person. and that might be bad, considering how little he thinks about himself already-

he learns that throwing away food is awful, and that you have to be grateful for being able to eat. grateful for living. so his don't-waste-food policy is obviously a big part of his personality due to almost dying of starvation and also owing his life to his dad (zeff, the real one, of course. fuck judge).

but that can almost be dangerous because refusing to waste food leads to forcing yourself to eat only because of his concept of what food means.

and then we have luffy in wci saying the whole 'i won't eat anything that you haven't cooked' which is precious and something very beautiful to say to your cook, but that only brings sanji back to 'starving is a form of loving' and 'you can't let someone you love starve'. and no matter how much he wants to force himself to push luffy away, he gives him food because he knows his captain will keep his promise.

sanji feels guilty, once again, but he ends up fixing it.

the thing is, after everything i've said, i don't think it would be weird to think about sanji viewing food as something external. something that isn't for himself. something that he only has control over because it's for others and not for himself, and it's a concept, a form of love, and not a need. because he does not feel hungry. when it comes to food, he feels responsibility and guilt and love... but never hunger.

hunger is, by all means, a form of selfishness sanji isn't used to unless his body is about to give up completely. he can eat out of pleasure and satisfaction and love for food, but he does it to train a selfless skill that may or may not also be selfish in the sense of 'wanting to be loved and useful'.

so here we have:

seeing food as a form of love because at least his dad wouldn't let him die, but he probably learned to push away the concept of hunger

seeing cooking as the most beautiful way of showing your feelings and efforts and taking care of people

not knowing the concept of hunger due to his own selflessness

scratch the first one, actually starving for others is a form of loving. he will never let the people he loves starve even if it means he dies in the process.

he can't waste food because that would be insulting and disrespectful. no matter the context.

and i'm just saying (and this whole thing is extremely self-indulgent and me projecting again and again) that it wouldn't be surprising to me if he had some issues when it comes to eating and making food for himself.

it's not that he thinks he doesn't deserve food, it's just the thought that he doesn't need it. going back to his past it could be seeing hunger as a form of weakness (not when it comes to others. never when it comes to others), both because of what his family taught him men should be like, and the fact that the manliest man he knows used starvation as a form of love.

so it's seeing hunger as something that makes you weak, but only when it comes to himself because of course, he wouldn't apply the same rules for him as for everyone else. he's just like that.

he thinks about others first, and himself second. always second. and the thought of eating and needing it only comes when it's too much. and when that time comes, the voices in his head tell him that he's weak. and again, i don't think he sees himself as undeserving of food because he has this whole thing about everybody deserving to eat. but he has never played with the same rules as the rest, always a few steps behind, so if he can't fight the thoughts in his head contradicting his morals, that's just how he is.

not to mention the 'don't waste food' part which also would make him feel guilty about not being able to eat if the thoughts of not deserving food and being weak for needing to eat become too much. he can't eat because he doesn't deserve it and because he's weak. and he can't starve, because that would mean wasting food.

so, you know, sanji is out of options here.

if some days sanji just casually decides not to eat- forgets to prepare himself a meal while his crew enjoys his food... that's just the way he is, isn't it? and if he lies about it, it's just another form of love, keeping them away from his problems.

besides, controlling hunger and controlling food is the only way he has to take control of his messy life. when something is out of reach, the unstoppable thing called life he has never been able to control, at least he can choose not to eat. he can choose to starve, this time, with the comfort of knowing he won't. he can choose not to eat this time, not like all of those times when food was controlling him instead.

at least the strawhats will never, ever, starve if he's around. but of course, nobody thinks about asking the cook if he wants to eat. that would be absurd. and it's impossible to think sanji would have some sort of issue with it! sanji, the cook, who keeps telling them not to waste food, not eating? that would be absurd and too selfless to make sense.

that's just the way he is.

#this headcanon is literally just me projecting my shit onto sanji ngl #*holds sanji gently* you've changed my life darling i love you so much please take care of yourself #why's he such a good person and why do people always treat him like shit i am violent #i swear all of this makes sense in my head #like he's a person who's always taking control of the situation only bc he feels like he can't control what he's feeling #and yknow feeling is for the weak and men aren't weak and yadda yadda yadda fuck the vinsmokes #his eating disorder is also heavily connected to his views in gender but that's for another day #tw eating disorder #sanji #black leg sanji #vinsmoke sanji #<- i hate this tag btw only using so it gets to more people bc i spent my time writing this ngl #red leg zeff #one piece #op

[thegirlking]

Mother and son shaped by trauma: a deeper look into Alma and Bruno's damaged relationship

Alma and Bruno's mother-son relationship seems like such a minor aspect of the movie, but when you give it some thought, despite the limited focus, it's not only a very complex relationship, but also a narratively significant one.

Obviously we don't have a lot of information on it, but let me reflect a bit on the things we do know, while trying to fill in some blanks. Long post ahead.

Back to the start - how did it go so wrong?

There's one particularly interesting detail that Jared Bush shared on a podcast some time ago. It mostly comes down to the reason Bruno's visions were usually so negative: because that's how he was taught to use his gift by his mother, who would ask him to look into the future for any possible dangers to their home.

Now, this makes perfect sense for Alma's character and gives a great insight into how her trauma affected her. It's a completely natural consequence of the tragedy she experienced - of course she would be gripped by fear and desperate to protect her home from another tragedy at all cost. And the power of foresight is seemingly the ultimate key to preventing tragedy, so of course she would rely on her child's gift for that...

...and yes, that's a great burden to put on your child's shoulders and something that clearly had troubling consequences. The particularly frustrating thing being that those consequences could have been largely prevented only if Bruno had proper understanding and emotional support.

The thing is...the understanding and support probably were there for some time. Some bonus materials suggest that Bruno was not always the black sheep of the family, but quite the opposite. He was apparently once the golden child of the family - until people began to believe his gift was actually responsible for bad future events.

Which brings me to the important question: why did it go so wrong? If Alma herself believed Bruno's gift could help prevent disaster, how and why did this belief that it's actually causing disaster came to be? Didn't she try to protect her son from his gift being horribly misunderstood?

Well, I'd like to give Alma the benefit of the doubt that she did try to protect him, at least when he was a child. But I do wonder if she simply grew exhausted by Bruno at some point, as he grew older? Exhausted by his unclear visions, which were hard to control and not that helpful after all (I think Dolores' verse in WDTAB kinda suggests it). Exhausted by Bruno's eccentric personality that was so far away from the "perfect image" she wanted for the family. And maybe that frustration led to her ultimately neglecting him emotionally and enabling the negative attitude to his gift, even if it wasn't intentional on her part.

Broken trust

Again, this is all just my interpretation and I don't want to assume the worst without any proof... however, I do think it's reasonable to believe that Alma did fail Bruno in some way.

And she might have not realized it, but I think Bruno himself very much felt she failed him. That would also explain his evident lack of trust in her. I talked in one of my previous posts how Bruno not trusting Alma with the vision about Mirabel is a big red flag that something was very wrong in the family. Ideally, he should have been able to trust his mother with the vision, but we were as far from the ideal scenario as we could be - Bruno choosing to hide the vision is a clear sign how damaged his relationship with his mother was at this point and how broken his trust in her was.

Ironically, if Bruno's decision was a result of broken trust in his mother...the same decision also broke her trust in him.

Let's look at it from her (sympathetic but misguided) perspective for a moment. Bruno's gift was something she had relied on in order to protect her family. And so many years later, no matter what the present attitude to his gift was, she still went to him in a difficult moment. So the fact that he essentially denied her that help would definitely feel like a huge betrayal - for Alma it probably looked like Bruno had betrayed the family and betrayed the miracle.

Those would be the understandable feelings of a traumatized woman who probably couldn't stand losing someone she loves yet again - believing Bruno betrayed and abandoned them because he doesn't care was likely a kind of coping mechanism to numb the grief.

Regardless of how understandable those feelings might be though, this coping mechanism was deeply unhealthy and harmful. What's more, the choice to paint Bruno as the bad guy shows horrible lack of self-awareness. And that lack of self-awareness only intensified the unhealthy environment in the family.

Because in the end, Bruno leaving the family should have been the wake-up call that the "perfect" family might have some issues to work through and something needs to change to avoid driving away anyone else. Alma might have not known Bruno's motives to leave, might have been understandably angry and hurt about him hiding the vision, but she definitely should have reflected on her own mistakes as a mother that led to Bruno making this decision.

Protecting the family and understanding the true miracle

But beyond how trauma shaped their relationship, I think there's something else at the core of the issue: their love for their family and their different understanding of what it means to protect it.

I talked about how Alma went to Bruno in a difficult moment, when she feared for the future of the miracle - and that the fact he never gave her the vision and simply ran away must have felt like a betrayal to the miracle.

In some way Bruno did betray the miracle - he betrayed the miracle in the way Alma understood the miracle at that point, as a source of magic more than anything else. And ironically, by doing so, Bruno showed that he actually understood what the miracle was truly about.

Alma was so fixated on protecting the miracle that she ended up losing sight of what was truly important and hurt the family. On the other hand, Bruno saw a threat to the miracle and yet still chose protecting his young niece's well being over anything else - one "giftless" little girl mattered more than the magic.

My point here isn't "Alma bad, Bruno good", that's a huge simplification. Both of those characters were very damaged and were going to unhealthy extremes to protect what was important to them. I'm not saying Bruno's decision to hide the vision was the "right" one or something to be glorified - I mostly think that it's a decision that should have never been made and again, the fact he felt he had to do that shows the deep rooted issues within the family.

But ultimately, he did have the right priority there - of course Mirabel's well being matters more than the magic. Every member of the family matters more than the magic. That's the whole point of the movie and the core of Alma's character arc - realizing that the family itself is the greatest gift.

And one detail I particularly like is that Alma and Bruno are the two people to tell Mirabel she's the real miracle in the end - it shows their values are finally on the same page and there's finally hope for mutual understanding between them.

#Encanto #encanto meta #bruno madrigal #alma madrigal #my meta #long post #bear with me writing long encanto meta again #a lot of this has probably been discussed before

[ambrosiagourmet]

i'd love your analysis and opinions of the lovely izutsumi (izutsumi) for the character meme :3c

Izutsumiiii~

First impression

Once again tbh my impression of her was formed from Fandom Osmosis before I actually encountered her. In this case: The Best Take on a Catgirl Ever

Impression now

Yeah hi this ask is what prompted me to write this post about my thoughts on Izutsumi's role in the story

Anyway in addition to that... I love her. I really appreciate how her trauma and coping mechanisms are handled, and I adore the Cat of it all. Some of my favorite panels are just the ones where Izutsumi is in the background doing cat things. She's got so much spirit and she grows so much and she's got so much future ahead of her... ahh... Izutsumi...

Favorite moment

I was going to say the entirety of the succubus fight, especially the two hearts bit. And that probably IS my favorite moment, but I'm going to highlight this detail instead bc it's easy to miss and so beloved:

She wipes their faces clean and gets her kitty hairs all over them....

Idea for a story

Hmmm... I mean really any kind of post-canon exploration of her would be so good. There are already at least a couple of good oneshots I've seen doing that, but honestly I'd love something LONG and just... about her figuring herself out. How she decides where to fit in, what she does with her relationships, what she does with her freedom.

I guess really what I'm thinking of is something that captures the "healing isn't linear" experience of trying to move on from as much trauma grief and isolation as Izutsumi has experienced. I think a story where she has room to backslide and move forward and fail and apologize and forgive herself and forgive the people around her... those ups and downs would be cool to see played out in full.

Unpopular opinion

??? She's kitty. We all are in agreement on this one, I think

Favorite relationship

Okay this is actually hard because on the surface level it's definitely of course her and Marcille. BUT... I have also been really enjoying revisiting tidbits of her and Senshi (especially the way he makes her food the chapter when she joins...), and I want to explore more of her and Laios too...

I'll still just stick with her and Marcille though, because they are very sweet and fun and good.

Favorite headcanon

I can't track it down right now, but there is a bonus comic doodle that's like "what was everyone doing at 13?" and Izutsumi's response is like. Pshh?? 13? That was four years ago how am I supposed to remember" and like. My girl has SO many trauma repressed memory issues. [Izutsumi voice] what to do mean you guys have clear memories before 15.

#ask #ask meme #<3 <3 <3

[imsickofpasswords]

GOS2 analysis: A New Hope (or… Guys, I think I cracked the ending !!!😳🤯)

SPOILER ALERT!!!SPOILER ALERT!!!SPOILER ALERT!!!SPOILER ALERT!!!SPOILER ALERT!!! (Even for those who watched both seasons several times!!!)

Hi! You are about to read a mixture between a theory and a revelation. Both could be figments of my mind making things up by dint of overthinking and overwatching (...is there such a thing as overwatching GO?) Anyway, I must warn you that if you DO see what I think I saw, the agony you endured for months (maybe you got used to it, maybe you befriended it, maybe you don’t want it to go), the excruciating pain that led you here, will come to an end NOW. For me, Good Omens is a work-of-art and NOTHING will take the passion/obsession away, trauma or no trauma. If you're like me, then read on! 

Before I dive into the thick of the matter, allow me to stress a couple of things. I know you know, but this is still very important. Please, bear with me…

Aziraphale and Crowley KNOW each other. 

They share a 6000 year-old friendship. Surely you experienced that, at least once in your life, with a long-time friend or partner: you finish each other’s sentences, you glance at each other and burst out laughing when nobody else understands why, you speak the same coded language that doesn’t even require words. That’s how close Aziraphale and Crowley are. Aziraphale can predict Crowley's every reaction. He knows how to manipulate him with just a pout or a frown. Crowley knows what makes Aziraphale tick. He knows what the angel holds dearest. He can figure out Aziraphale's state of mind just by listening to the TONE of his voice. He knows how Aziraphale SMELLS! 

They also know WHO the other one is, I mean deep down, what they want and what they’re capable of… 

Aziraphale and Crowley TRUST each other. 

‘I could always rely on you, you could always rely on me.’ 

And

'You could have walked away'

'You said trust me'

'And you did.'

So on… you know all those lines by heart and I'm sure you could come up with oodles of examples. 

Walls have ears(floors too).

Someone wrote somewhere (was that on Youtube?) that the 25 lazari miracle could have been performed by the Metratron, since the magic circle was once used to contact him and was probably never turned off properly afterwards. That's an interesting theory. 

Personally, I don't believe the Metatron was involved in the miracle. I already elaborated about this in my first theory https://www.tumblr.com/imsickofpasswords/732879204359847936/a-theory-of-the-ineffable-plan-by and sort of got confirmation when Uriel asked what the miracle was and Aziraphale answered 'love, it was love!' 

I nonetheless realized that the Metratron could indeed be using this channel to spy on Aziraphale. If so, since when? I don’t think it could be from the first time Aziraphale drew the circle, because Adam reset reality after that. Adam would have closed the portal, wouldn't he? Idk. My bet is the snooping began after the miracle, and the magnitude of the miracle is what scared the Metratron into trying to separate Aziraphale and Crowley.  

Such considerations had me wonder if what feels like altered memories isn't actually the Metratron prying into Aziraphale's mind (indigovigilance from Tumblr pointed out that ALL the flashbacks seem to emanate from Aziraphale). Or maybe the Metatron has been reading… Aziraphale’s diary. (Btw, does anyone know what happened to that diary?) The Metratron does brag about looking back over Aziraphale's "exploits" (translation: infringements). Plural. So, not just stopping Armageddon? What else? Saving Job's children? Helping out Elspeth? 

What's more, the Metatron compliments Muriel, the "dim one", on reading books. 'What a splendid thing to do!' and then he glares at the bookshop. 

Aziraphale is not always Aziraphale

I don’t know about you, but I shriveled in horror when Aziraphale promised to give away a book. Had I just slipped into another dimension?

One perfectly acceptable explanation is that love is more important to Aziraphale than books. Fine. Why then does he only offer to LEND a book after Crowley pointed out how IMPOSSIBLE it is for the angel to even THINK of selling a book? In the novel, people who insist on buying books from Aziraphale’s shop go missing FOREVER…

It feels like the usurper realized they made a mistake and tried not to make it twice. Also, what's with the French? Aziraphale spoke French when he was in prison, and he certainly wasn't struggling like that. Last but not least, he does move his hands a lot, but not in the same fashion as he usually does. This was NOT Aziraphale (I think).

We saw how supernatural beings can change their appearance without swapping bodies. Shax changed her face whilst hitchhiking when she HAD NO REASON TO (Aziraphale had never met her before). 

I believe the Metatron is the one who turned into Aziraphale. But just for a moment ( I burnt my eyes checking Michael Sheen's every facial expression and gesture and tone of voice throughout the entire season and I couldn't spot anything amiss outside that moment, let me know if I'm wrong). Just a short period of time, then. Why? To see if Crowley would fall for it. I don't know if our beloved demon did. 

The obvious objection to this theory is: surely the real Aziraphale would realize that some of his guests had already been invited by… HIMSELF? Well, Nina kept Crowley for a moment. We don't know that the Metatron didn't go around erasing people's memory of him. 

Ok, okay, admittedly,�� it is far-fetched, probably complete bullshit. But I needed to mention this because it's also a part of how I interpret the ending. Nope! I'm not saying the Metatron is the one who got kissed by Crowley!!! That would be… OMG, 🤮

The bullet trick…

Aziraphale is a magician. And his magic seems to always work when he needs it most, providing he uses this formula:"banana, fish, gorilla, shoelace with a dash of nutmeg” the magic words that Mark Gatiss as a zombie reads from the angel's lips. 

And there it comes, the showstopper. Actually the "REHEARSAL of the showstopper", as I call it, and you’ll find out why very soon. Please, pause here and go fetch the scene, you’ll need to watch CAREFULLY. See how scared Crowley is when Aziraphale hands over the gun? Crowley is maybe wondering why the miracles aren't working and if he is not about to actually kill his only friend. Then, Crowley mutters something. No idea what, but something like, I can't do it. And Aziraphale, reading his lips, replies in the same fashion, lipspeaking. Whatever the angel says then, Crowley understands it, and it's enough for him to overcome his fear. 

The ACTUAL showstopper.

I think you got it by now: what I thought when I saw that, and what I wanted to do next. I didn't rush to the last episode although I was dying to. I didn't want to miss anything and I couldn't believe what I expected would actually happen. But it DID. 

The Metatron knows that people are predictable and that nobody ever chooses death over coffee. We don't see his entire conversation with Aziraphale but even if the Metatron doesn't flat out threaten to erase Crowley's name from the Book Of Life, Aziraphale is very aware that this is an option as Michael already said she was given permission to do so. Check Aziraphale's face the minute the Metatron mentions Crowley. Aziraphale hears the threat loud and clear. His face goes grim. He knows he doesn't have a choice but to play along if he's going to save Crowley. 

"Go tell your friend the good news!" 

Aziraphale smiles, but he is distraught and terrified. The ineffable husbands KNOW each other, remember? There’s no way Aziraphale thinks Crowley will follow him to heaven. Besides, Aziraphale is INTELLIGENT. He knows The Metadick (whoever invented that name, I love you) doesn’t want Crowley back. So all the pleading, come with me, to the light, we'll be doing good, yada yada… is FAKE. All Aziraphale wants when he enters the bookshop is to let Crowley know about the situation without raising suspicions from the Metatron who is watching from outside. That's why the angel keeps glancing at the window whilst using his "something is wrong voice". Now, dear reader, fellow victim who cried your eyes out for months, if you still have eyes, LOOK AGAIN. 

When Aziraphale starts to talk about the offer, Crowley frowns, not in disbelief or in anger but in intense focus on… Aziraphale's lips. Can you see them? The SILENT words at the end of the sentences? Tell me you see them too. Please. You do, right? Or do I need to seek help? 

Everything after that, every line, is a smoke screen meant for the Metatron (and poor us…) The Metatron is to believe that two lovers got into a fight and got torn apart. Even angels and demons are predictable! 

The kiss, of course, is a mean to conceal the moment when Crowley extracts himself from the timeline, taking Aziraphale with him so they can discuss away from prying eyes and ears. Hence the missing fifteen minutes on the clock. 🙂

I think Crowley's confession was genuine. But it was also there to make the fight more convincing. And no one here will say it wasn't convincing… My guess is there must have been another confession, maybe another kiss? A real, tender, passionate, romantic, heart-wrenching kiss that left Aziraphale pressing hard on his lips, aching for more. “Do it again.” But the Metatron would notice… so… "I…forgive you", you foul fiend who thought you could tempt me with such a lowly, dirty and pathetic trick (translation, I love you… and I don't want to leave you, go before I burst into tears, I don't have sunglasses…)

So. They didn't fight!!!!  They are still a team, a group of two, a couple, and more than ever!! 

Not done yet. There is one last thing that you saw. When the Metatron reveals his plans about the Second Coming, Aziraphale pauses before entering the elevator. And it may last less than a split second, but I can swear that his lips moved again as he was staring at Crowley. Someone crossed the street right after, but Aziraphale kept looking at Crowley although the camera was too far for us to see the lips. However, there was enough time to convey a lot of information. 

Now, did they swap? Aziraphale doesn't gesture much after the kiss. Crowley drives under the speed limit and for the first time while Crowley is driving, Queen isn't playing. But. Aziraphale is walking away from his friend-now-lover, not knowing if he actually saved him, or… knowing that he did NOT save him. Crowley is crushed, and probably worried sick about Aziraphale walking alone into an obvious trap. The demon can remember only too vividly how Heaven wanted to end Aziraphale. 

The Bentley is sad too, and not just because her master is. She (Yes, she!) grew feelings for Aziraphale, who allowed her to wear fancy yellow and took her to an exciting trip and managed to have her play something new… She likes him so much that she tries to follow him, like a puppy, remember? I think she's the one who played the Nightingale song, to comfort Crowley and herself. As Sendaraya predicted in one of her YouTube videos, we may find out later that this was the Ineffable Husbands' song, ever since 1941, when their relationship started to drift towards romance. 

Last but not least, the main reason why I don't think they swapped. I firmly believe the Metatron is planning to wear Aziraphale's face again. Metasick has unresolved issues with Crowley who, annoyingly, still retains some of his memories. Memories that may have become indelible because of Aziraphale's presence. But of course, to impersonate Aziraphale, Crowley's soft spot and only weakness, the Metatron needs to keep Aziraphale out of the picture…

To be continued… (Season 3!!! And for the record, great pustulent mangled bollocks to the ones who delayed it, and I'm NOT talking about the writers and actors…🤬)

Thanks for reading^^

#aziraphale #crowley #neil gaiman #good omens #cracked #ending explained #aziracrow #metatron #last fifteen #theory #ineffable husbands #ineffable partners

[sharonisthebettercarter]

Thinking about what you said, I think it's highly probable Madelyn Stillwell raped Homelander when he was 14 or 15.

That's around the age he got stuck at, right?

I think fandom is probably right about her doing it as more of a means to control him than anything, but I think you're probably right about this making it worse and meaning she did much more than has been shown to us on screen.

Regardless, I think this would have to be the case and I would say is even implied, but you are absolutely right that it shouldn't matter why someone decides to be a child molester.

They're still a child molester and whatever reasoning they have, the act is still vile and inexcusable. There even being debate on that in fandom just seems like grooming apologism and abuse dismissal because of favoritism towards Madelyn.

But the results and actions are ultimately the same in the end. It's also implementing a clause to make it mutually exclusionary when it could very well be both.

In the final scene, she swears to him that she loves him but is afraid of him and Homelander thanks her for finally being honest with him before killing her.

What if she was being honest or at least believed her own words when she said she loved him?

And the other scenes between them never struck me as a one time deal or the first time something like them happened. He does look off put in some ways and not quite uncomfortable, but almost like he's regressing when he's with her. Like she maybe used to do that sort of stuff more frequently and hasn't lately.

The scene where they're finally together struck me as more regression too. He immediately apologized to her and she consoled him like it was something that has happened before and she was used to it from him. Even the words she used and the way she said it and the way things were.

"My special sweet boy." "You did good." "That was so lovely."

Do people really believe this or similar can't have happened before with the things she says? To me, they indicate the exact opposite of that thought.

The scene looked almost like it was his first time, and obviously not hers. But the only way that really makes sense is if he is experiencing a moment of regression, possibly to his actual first time with her.

The scene feels like mother and son incest after years of abuse where she's deliberately causing his regression and enjoying the power it gives her over him.

She's a predator and this to me is made pretty clear if not explicit.

OOOH~<3! my darling anon, i wish i could fucking kiss you<3!

you just put into a word exactly why i could never get behind the homewell ship or the homewell type elements being used in other ships in fics that were supposedly trying to *heal* him. easy way to get me to check out for a fic because you *CANNOT* use elements from someone's trauma and abuse, legit full on *exploit* them, and *then* dare to call it or frame it as *healing* and expect it all to be hunky dory, that is just not how that shit works. (at least speaking in terms of medical accuracy/no wonder this shit is so triggery for me, this ain't supposed to be fuckin' disney--)

obliviously or dismissively predatory, so not even in the fun way...

and i want to be clear here, because this isn't me trying to tell people to not like the ship or elements or stop making content for them or whatever the fuck else. i don't care if people have or indulge in toxic guilty pleasure ships or stories here and there (literally have my own), but i always think we should be self aware of our own shit (plus ranting is sometimes good for the soul~<3) and it really *really* shows some people just are not in this case.

i *also* know people don't always mean to set up that way, part of it is a major problem with society (i will get to that~) and the only way for people to be aware is to be *made* aware, butt~

"--you think love is to prey, but i'm sorry i don't pray that way!"

"once i ran to you, now i run from you, this tainted love you've given--"

1000% correct. madelyn, regardless of what happened *off screen* between her and homelander, what we *did* see of her is enough to confirm her as a *predator*, and this was *before* diabolical added to the story behind them. she is extremely predatory as a character, set behind a narcissistic 'mother knows best' filter and a lot of it has nothing to do with homelander.

look no further than starlight~<3

this woman attempted to get a victim of rape to have 'discretion' about what happened to her, TO HER FACE. and every step of the way, tried to bully starlight into 'line' for the company. literally using narcissistic abuse--guilt tripping and shame, questioning her core values, fucking gaslighting (all things we see homelander copy oh deary me what an *odd* cowinkidink!! I WONDER WHERE HE LEARNED IT FROM.)--among others with a 'motherly' frame and 'it's just constructive criticism' (BITCH NO IT AIN'T!!) to manipulate her into doing what vought wanted/what was best for the *company*, NOT for annie.

hell, i'd wager she fucking hired starlight *specifically* because they thought she'd be an *easy* target.

she was *vulnerable*, nearly alone in that big city. her only relative/support system was an extremely religious mother who was *pushing her* to push through any pain or abuse and still wear a smile *for vought* and *for her* because of *fame* and *fortune*, framed as *for annie* when no it def wasn't. (i do like that starlight's mum actually becomes self aware of this and tries to amend the trust she broke, but i digress)

her tapes and everything they showed us about starlight showed us a wide eyed, bright eyed girl who was *hopeful*--but also naive... and as much as it pains me, that would have made her more susceptible to vought's machinations.

and i think the main reason annie didn't completely fall down the vought victims rabbit hole is in part due her truly good nature<3, but also because she met *hughie* (side note, notice how every time hughie and starlight have a falling out or separate from each other, they both start to get *worse*. butcher also tends to swoop in--)

it doesn't get talked about enough, but butcher pulls the same kind of bullshit with hughie (honestly probably why i could never quite feel right about butchie, do still like it but i do prefer it if butcher catches some guilty complexes causa hughie lmao), another good kid who's just had something monumentally traumatic happen to him and is in a super fucking vulnerable place where he'd be easy to manipulate for whatever it is butcher has planned.

he scoped him out and *saw* that, something to *use* to his advantage. and recruited him as such. like a gotdamn predator.

the wrench in his plans (as well as madelyn's) came in *hughie meeting annie* because they *gave* each other a solid support system because they were both good people, dealing with trauma, who found each other~<3 (always a hardcore hughielight shipper)

and butcher even *knows* this, he *knows* annie actually *honestly* and actually HELPS hughie and ruins his plots for him, so of course that mofo is gonna keep trying to ruin everything and break them up. if madelyn had ever discovered hughie, she probably would have done the same shit if in her own faux 'concerned mother' way.

BUTT... you are absolutely right in saying that fandom is highly dismissive or even apologist of what madelyn did to homelander (like they are with fuckin' everything that happened to him honestly) and it doesn't matter what reason she had to abuse him, what should be looked at is the fact of the matter.

did she abuse him? yes or no

the answer is yes, period. asking if she was actually attracted to him or just wanted control becomes a moot point after that, she *still* fucking groomed him. people can go ahead and debate the other factors, but the least they could do is acknowledge the first bit and not use the others to try and deny or 'lessen' the gravity of what she did.

i blame part of this on ableism and victim blaming, but also with how dismissive people *still* are when it comes to male victims of just about anything. christ, we still have people in fandom who have watched the show and *refuse*, not hyperbole, they downright *REFUSE* to acknowledge that homelander could have *any* semblance of victimhood whatsoever. despite the fact that he was literally tortured as a child and fucking groomed and we are given glimpses of these facts on screen, they'll deny any form of nuance and paint it as completely black or white, because he became... pretty much the only thing that fate allowed him to become.

that's not limited to this site even, it's prevalent pretty much in any part of the boys fandom across the web. (which is ironic given the series exists to challenge this sort of thinking)

but how often do we still see cases of a male *child* being sexually assaulted by an adult woman and the fucking judge going, "wElL sHe'S cAnDy So He PrObAbLy LiKeD iT"?

thankfully, not as often anymore. but if i'm honest? TOO FUCKING MANY (once is fucking too many) and the thought is still INSANELY pervasive. and again, it leads back to the question.

did she abuse him? yes or no

it doesn't fucking matter if the kid 'liked it' or not, MA'AM, THIS IS A FUCKING CHILD--

*children can NOT consent*

or in homelander's case, an emotionally stunted extremely mentally ill person. and ALSO a child at one point.

*likewise, mentally ill/special needs/disabled people and informed consent is an issue all its own. all of these are among the most vulnerable to abuse and the least likely to get justice for it*

if madelyn had been a man, nobody would question this. (who am i kidding, i'd like to think that but i am well aware there are apologists of all kinds that would not give a shit and be equally gross about it.)

and you are def right, it *feels* 1000% like *regression* in the scenes he's with her. and now that you mention it, the scene where they're together?? oh, fuck me. anon... that is *dark* and it fucking hurts but you may be right.

it *was* absolutely the first time *we* as an audience saw them together, and i think that may skew the perception about. there *was* absolutely an effort to regain control over him in that instance. but the things she said and the way it plays out... no

plainly, just no... it *does not* feel like the very first time that has happened... it feels like something that is *rare* between them. but definitely something that's happened *before*, and perhaps something she maintains as *rare* specifically to keep a hold on him. (could this be one reason for the diabolical episode?? to further implicate this?)

and even his use of doppelganger hinted at this cause think of it.

a 'madelyn' that is *just* for him, *only* the parts of her that... gave him attention, the bits he *liked*. what she more than likely fed to him as *scraps* to keep him crawling back for more. but because it was never genuine, the confusion from the ratio with abuse was thrown off, and the entire illusion that it ever meant anything was shattered prior (along with stormfront manipulating him), well...

"i give you all a boy could give you, take my tears and that's not nearly--"

down to his hatred and jealousy of teddy. we have to imagine what things were like before she had him but i get the feeling homelander got a lot more attention before then. it was well over 20 years and people honestly think in all that time *nothing* else happened??? things were 'normal' and then boom, *random* mommy kink??? hell, even the kid was maybe just as much a means to 'reset' the balance and help her maintain control as he was for future profit for vought.

OW.

yes. madelyn is a predator. homelander is her groomed victim. and i don't think it gets mentioned enough in this discourse, but one of the biggest reasons predators prey on the vulnerable or even want to make a fucking victim of someone is *because* of the power trip it gives them over that person. (hell, homelander fucking does this *specifically* because it has been done to him his entire life!)

and *even former abuse victims* may not realize it when they pull this sort of shit. i'm not gonna dive into that because it is a fucking *depressing* can of tapeworms, but let's just say i've been there, i know people who've been there, and i know people who know people who've been there. so this shit is a big fucking problem for people when we don't notice it and massively persistent circle jerk of perpetuation.

but it's still fucking predation, it doesn't make a difference if it's done by someone with power/control kink, narcissistic disorder or 'mommy/daddy dearest' vibes, pedophilic disorder, etc. it still fucking harmful and victimizes someone (especially when they are unaware/cannot consent to the powerplay OH FUCK--)

goddammit... i just realized the problem lmao... PISS. POOR. BDSM ETIQUETTE. GOTDAMN.

and trauma management i guess.

basically, people tag dom/sub or top/bottom when they should be tagging a 'control' or 'abuse kink'. dom/sub play relies on the informed consent of both parties while 'control' relies on the lack there of (informed consent) from the 'sub'. and in homelander's case, this shit is particularly bad. (readers need to be given informed consent too!! always tag yo shit y'all!!)

which to be fair, ain't exactly the fault of the ship itself, but more so the lack of awareness/common dismissal on it. it's really hella normalized/often advertised as 'just a quirky lil guy with a mommy kink' when that's not even remotely the only thing at play here and it goes way deeper and darker than that. you toss in homelander's other traumas and it's just... it's a goddamn mess.

and now i understand why i am so incredibly grossed out by fics that push homelander through more of this nonsense (or worse) with a new person (any person) and never bother addressing the trauma he has *directly* related to this shit. (because my traumas directly deal in the control shit yayyyyyyyyyyyyy~... UGH--)

well.

call me a pussy if you must (i am a pussy and a cunt and a dick and an asshole, i wear it shamelessly~<3) but i just ain't all that interested in fics that only exchange *handlers* for homelander instead of actually help him (when that's what they'll claim to want to do). seriously, lining him up with another 'madelyn' of all things just leaves me wishing he could *get away* from his shiny new abuser (because that is what she was, and would ideally be the inevitable outcome anyhow!)

homelander needs at least *one* honest *friend* who genuinely doesn't want anything from him to help him unblur the lines of informed consent that madelyn intentionally muddled *before* he can even make informed consent when it comes to this shit, especially if we wanna *actually* heal that boi (all he's had is more people capitalizing on it over and over if not just people with no clue of the minefield they were navigating)

he'd need to be able to experience true *independence* and *agency* before he decided they were things he actually wanted to put in someone else's hands or 'give up', so to speak, both of which would come *after* healing.

and if i'm indulging in toxicity with him, i'ma make him *get back at his abusers*~<3, give him a chance at some revenge porn for once and make it so much worse for *them*, not the guy who literally never had a chance or got to breathe his own breath (and def tagged properly of course).

but of all the whack ass takes i could see in the sea of fandoms, ANYONE in that position over this boi (or any character in similar situation) as he is *unhealed* is *NOT* his ally and doesn't give an honest shit about him, it's 100% all about *control* over him (which i know is a huge kink for tons of people and hypernormalized in society, especially heteronormativity, but again, trauma central for me so it'd be really fuckin' nice if people learned the difference and also started tagging this shit~<3)

fun for some, but not for me.

i've always generally preferred push/pull powerplay that purposely leaves the question of 'control' open/eventually balances it and helps empower and individualize both characters to be the best versions of themselves, i want them to learn and grow together. positive masculinity/femininity and emotional maturity are way more of a turn on for me and i want these bois and gurls and inbetweens to graduate to *men* and *women* and fairly *reasonable adults* when i write them, while preserving their core personalities and the things that make them *them*.

i also don't view 'bottomhood' as 'punishment'/something to use to deliberately rob a person of control/self determination (as much as we may joke about it, and also that is just rape with a pretty veil that at least deserves to be properly tagged) and i normally focus on empowering them just as much if not more than my tops so it's just damn weird to me to see that kind of mentality get popularized on any character and leik.

gotdamn, first off, what the shit, and second, i realize getting to the places i wanna go reasonably and responsibly takes hard work and pretty intricate writing but please lawd satan tell me i ain't the only one to feel this way, PLEASE!?

but very good point about it possibly being both/more than one element here. control is more likely to be *one* reason, but not *the* only reason and it could very well be a factor of both attraction and need to/getting off on the idea of controlling him (which still stems back to attraction, honestly, even if she didn't feel it towards him the sense of him being a child, it would still mean she feels it towards him in the sense of him being vulnerable which is just as awful, honestly.)

and i do think his stunted emotional maturity is 100% indicative that something *very* specific happened to him around that age (*maybe* she waited till after the debut??), but among all the other trauma, that is actually a question worth asking. why *then* and not any of the other times? he's got no shortage of trauma for his brain to pick from, so what the hell happened then?

as far as it feeling like incest? lil bit, yeah (if pseudo, which obviously we know it's not but i do think the vibe there is actually intended), suffice to say that madelyn is to homelander what billy's father was to him...

and y'know... i gotta admit, knowing this i am surprised we don't see all that much of butcher being shipped with his father because that and homewell are pretty much the same thing on opposite spectrums.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH--

have fun y'all, as always butt leik... have fun responsibly--gawddammit i never thought i'd be *that* old fart but i guess i am... well i can still be fun about it... tipsy bartender is fun lmao<3<3<3 (altho these subjects are decidedly less fun... *sigh of the long suffering*...)

#rape #tw sa #tw grooming #tw child abuse #tw abuse apologism #madelyn stillwell #informed consent #homelander #the boys #billy butcher #hughie campbell #annie january #oof ouch owie #tainted love #meta #the boys meta #psa #precious anon