#azriel trauma

[yearning-for-autumn]

I've been working on some sad angsty short fics about the batboys when they were children....my first, a tragic little insight into the ways in which I believe Az would have struggled as a traumatised child in a new home will be up tomorrow morning...

I hurt my own feelings writing this

#acotar series #acotar #azriel shadowsinger #rhysand #cassian acotar #acotar fanfiction #fanfic #writing #night court #trauma #childhood trauma #azriel trauma

[cassianandfenrysaremyboyos]

Azriel is barely holding on by a thread and now he's lost Truth Teller. He really can't catch a break

#if he had a therapist they'd have a field day working through this trauma #azriel #hofas #house of flame and shadow #crescent city #acotar #hofas spoilers #lisa reads hofas

[honeybeegarden]

“free my man” text posts + our favorite acotar males

#shhhhh don’t let anyone know that i actually don’t mind tam #i am not against making him the butt of the joke though #seriously though free these males from THEIR TRAUMA #acotar #acotar memes #a court of thorns and roses #rhysand #rhys #cassian #a court of mist and fury #azriel #lucien vanserra #tamlin #acotar fanart #fantasy memes #book memes #fantasy series #a court of silver flames #a court of wings and ruin

[the-shadowsingers-whore]

ruhn danaan, crown prince of the valbaran fae....

aka my lil' pookie wookie bear

#i love ruhn so much it's probably unhealthy #my lil' trauma baby who deserves rest #ruhn danaan #ruhn #crown prince of the valbaran fae #hofas #hosab #hoeab #crescent city #crescent city ruhn #house of flame and shadow #house of sky and breath #house of earth and blood #sjm #a: azriel hasn't left the training ring

[glossamerfaerie]

Gwyn 🤝 Azriel

Insomniacs who exhaust themselves with training until they fall asleep.

***

When they get together, I can think of a better way for Gwynriel to exhaust themselves if they can’t sleep. 😌🥵🔥 If they’re going to be sleepless, might as well be productive. 😂

#gwynriel #OK we don’t know that Gwyn is an insomniac #but it’s a decent assumption considering her past trauma #also she was cutting the ribbon at night in the bonus chapter #I foresee many a sleepless night for Az and Gwyn 😏 #gwyneth berdara #gwyn x azriel #azriel #my acotar thoughts #pro gwyn

[nymphpriestessvalkyrie]

A thing I think E\riels might misunderstand about Azriel. He doesn’t think he’s unworthy because he’s a torturer and a warrior. He thinks he’s unworthy because he is a trauma victim. His shadows and his work for the inner circle are not the problem and Elain can’t cure him of them or “fix him.”

He knows how Elain will think of him if she knows all the blood on his hands so he hides the truth of it from her, but he doesn’t regret his work. The bigger thing is how he treats his scars around her. The physical manifestation of his unresolved childhood trauma. He protects her from them, he is ashamed to touch her with them repeatedly. He has felt unworthy of Mor for the exact same reason for 500 years. It never made him want give up his job. Because his job isn’t the problem. The problem is, when you are assaulted it makes you feel like you deserved it. Like the universe is rightfully punishing you and if you can’t think of what you could have done (ie, were a child) then you think it’s because of who you are. Punishment, abuse, and deprivation become familiar and comfortable to you - you might even seek them out.

(Guess who ALSO has a brain that is broken in this exact same way? It’s Gwyn.)

This is classic PTSD y’all. You can never heal from it by changing something exterior about your life like your job, or your home city, a new relationship, revenge, or something like that. Those are all superficial. The work is internal. You have to say (and believe) “what happened to me did not make me unworthy of love. I am worthy of love exactly as I am without changing a thing.”

You might have to change your behavior if you’ve developed hyper coping mechanisms that are hurting yourself or others. But Azriel’s job is not his coping mechanism. His bottled rage is. His self-sacrificing savior complex too. He also exhibits hyper-competence: He believes he has to earn his place every day by performing excellence. And finally, lusting after unavailable women as a form of self harm and further punishment.

SJM understands PTSD and trauma-informed recovery deeply. She could not have written books like Heir of Fire or Tower of Dawn otherwise. Azriel is going to get a beautiful and inspirational healing journey.

Meanwhile people are out here either shipping him directly with one his toxic coping mechanisms or hating him for one of the others.

#azriel #azriel shadowsinger #anti e/riel #anti elr*el #hating Azriel for his malformed trauma response is… certainly a vibe #antielriel

[foxylady13]

Gwyneth Bedara and Azriel - TW: SA

I'm not sure where people get the idea that Gwyn’s sexual assault trauma could keep her from any type of relationship with Azriel. Gwyn is more than her trauma.

Also, just for reference from ACOMAF:

Gwyn is already in an environment that is positive for SA survivors, and she's not going to stay there forever....

Yes, Sarah said Azriel is freaky in bed, but in a good way. Whose to say Azriel wouldn't give up control FOR Gwyn? Whose to say Gwyn can't have her own kinks despite her sexual assault trauma?

What if..... Azriel could help Gwyn with her trauma. Who else would be perfect for ensuring she'd be safe than the person who was there and ultimately saved her from her assault? His hands have distinct scaring that would ensure Gwyn always know who is touching her. He has shadows at his disposal to touch her without even laying his hands on her if touch is too much at first.

She could explore with Azriel and heal while doing so. Her journey has the potential to advocate for and heal a lot of SA survivors. She's already exploring a bit anyways with the smutty books her, Nesta, and Emerie read in ACOSF. Gwyn has already stated she doesn't want to stay in the library forever. We know her story is far from done, and honestly, Azriel would he the perfect partner for her. They are already equal in a lot of ways. ❤

#gwyneth berdara #she is more than her trauma #trigger warning: SA #pro gwynriel #pro gwyn #gwynriel #gwyn acosf #acosf #azriel shadowsinger #the one who saved her

[bloomingdarkgarden]

Elain Archeron looks across a panel of her potential love interests waiting before her. Elain: "Alright, lets see what my choices are…"

- the clever rakish dashing ginger emissary - any male in Prythian - the deadly professional torturer who makes everyone collectively wince when he walks into a room Elain: *fidgets with hands for .3 seconds* Elain: "I'll take the broken dark ruthless damaged one, please."

Nesta: "I FUCKING TOLD YOU ALL."

The entire IC: *gasps* *shudders* *begins shouting at each other like Parliament in 1767* Elain: *smooths dress, says nothing, takes azriel away gently by the hand without another word*

#elain archeron #sjm #acotar #pro elain #azriel #penchant for damaged males #trauma boy or bust #take him elain

[sadiegirl2021]

If you're into Gwynriel were you also Team Jess?!

#gwynriel #pro gwynriel #azriel x gwyn #azriel and gwyn #acotar #gilmore girls #team jess #rory and jess #He just had trauma he needed to work through #They were perfect for each other

[florencemtrash]

Shadowsinger and the Inkbird is so heartachingly beautiful, talk about a slow slow burn of soulmates, I think I re read their hug scene maybe 10 times at the very least and then we go right back into the angst,,,,,,Az is going to have to re learn to hold her 🥺🥺🥺 but seriously, this story is so well written and I am so excited to continue reading! Thank you for blessing us with this phenomenal story!

Thank you for reading and blessing my inbox with such a kind comment 🥹. I'm glad everyone is enjoying the slow burn and the hug scene *screeches in pain* — the way I spent literally like three months writing so I could get to that one scene... and now I'm tossing us all back onto the angst bus before they can hug again 😭. Why am I doing this to us? Why am I doing this to myself????

#the shadowsinger and the inkbird #inbox answers #azriel x reader #azriel x reader slowburn #azriel x reader angst #Y'ALL I stayed up until 3am last night working on the upcoming chapters #and my heart #because there's going to be azriel x reader scenes coming up and lucien x reader and i just aADFKNAJBDF #and a nightmare scene to boot and i'm going to try and bury this in the tags but i'm so very excited #i'm in it for the long haul #when i say slow burn i fucking mean it #i'm going to make these two crawl through their trauma and insecurities before i let them lay their hands on one another again #specifically Azriel #because it's always azriel

[yearning-for-autumn]

Trauma-Verse -- Part II

Cassian

A/N - I really hurt my own feelings with this one. Cassian is so precious to me. If you have ever struggled with an eating disorder, especially bullemia or are sensitive to that sort of thing I would give this one a miss.

---

Summary - A young teenage Cassian struggles with eating after years of malnourishment. Az catches him in a vulnerable moment.

Warnings - Eating Disorders, Vomiting, Childhood trauma, angst.

Pairings - None

Word Count - 600

These days, Cassian had enough food to last him weeks. These days, Cassian could eat whatever he wanted from the pantry, and he knew it would be replaced the next day. These days, he was safe.

So why was it so hard for him to believe it?

There were rice cakes and crackers and hunks of bread in his wardrobe, just in case. He had pilfered sweets from Rhys’ room and hid them in his night stand drawer. All around his room, little hiding places for food were carefully kept secret. It was his food. No one else’s. If they couldn’t see it. They couldn’t take it.

For a growing boy, Cassian ate surprisingly little at dinner times. Rhys’ mother was as patient as ever. It’s not like he was the only one who struggled to sit at the High Lords table. He was a bastard born Illyrian. He could never belong there anyway. He picked at his food, pushing it around his plate with his fork, held awkwardly in his hands, more like a weapon than a delicate piece of silverware. He hated eating off of it. He hated eating in front of everyone, especially Rhys who ate off of his fork with all the poise of the Prince he was.

Later that night he would sneak down to the kitchen, where the leftovers were waiting in the fridge. Too much for one person, but he would eat it all. He would use his hands, much more fitting for someone like him.

The sheer amount of food was overwhelming, his stomach churned and rolled, but he kept eating, as if at any moment it would be snatched from his hands. It hurt. He felt light-headed, and dizzy, and only had a few seconds to make it to the sink before he threw it up.

“Cassian, what the fuck are you doing?” That was Azriel’s voice behind him. He was never asleep early. Cassian should have waited longer.

“I got hungry.” He said, as if the number of empty bowls on the kitchen counter didn’t give him away. Azriel sighed.

Newly un-bandaged hands came up to rub Cassian’s scalp. Cassian remembered when he had finally taken them off. How he and Rhys had gone pale at the sight of them. But they were Azriel’s hands. His brothers hands. They could never hurt him.

“Cassian, that was all the food for tomorrow.” He said, peering into the bowls, pushing the plates back from the edge. Azriel rarely showed how much he cared, but Cassian knew he did. When he heaved into the sink again, Azriel was by his side in an instant, rubbing just between his wings. Cassian couldn’t help the tears that fell, nor the embarrassing whimper he made when Azriel gathered him in his arms.

Azriel gave a withering sigh, but let Cassian sob onto his pyjama shirt anyway. He kept one hand on his back, the other reached over to turn the sink on, washing away the evidence of Cassian’s late night binge.

“You want to show me where you’ve hidden the rest?” Az asked. Cassian shook his head. By now the crackers and bread would be stale. But he needed them there. Just in case.

Just in case.

“Come sleep in my room, Cass.” Azriel said, already leading him up the stairs, one hand on his shoulder. Cassian brushed his teeth. Then got into Azriel’s bed, like they had done a hundred times before.

He didn’t worry about whether Az might have a nightmare. Whether he might wake up with the burning need to finish off the food downstairs. Because Azriel’s soft breathing was against his forehead, his scarred hands were gently rubbing his back. He was warm. He was comfortable.

He was safe.

#acotar #acotar fanfiction #writing #fanfic #cassian acotar #cassian #autumn writes #angst #trauma #i made myself cry writing this #acotar x reader #azriel x reader #azriel acotar #azriel shadowsinger #batboys #young cassian #young azriel #nessian #nesta x cassian #rhysand #night court

[lucienarcheron]

I’ve gotten a few anons since I started doing my rereads (which is weird because I’ve done them before, it was just on my other account that many if not most of the same people interact with) but to be clear: I am anti no one of the acotar series. I genuinely like all of them though some more than others but like…guys, pls. they’re not real people ily but you don’t have to defend their honor in my inbox. I see you and I love your love for these morons but I don’t want to hear how much you hate so-and-so because you love so-and-so. You do you and I love that for you but I beg, leave me out of it 😅

#gp #gigi reads acosf #yes Azriel is on thin ice and yes some of Mor’s actions aren’t my favorite thing in the world but ultimately #I’m team everyone except Beron he can suck it #and no I don’t dislike Mor because I love Eris. #I love Eris and understand he’s part of her trauma even though he personally didn’t hurt her based on everything we’ve seen in the text #like I’ve made it clear before I don’t do the anti stuff #some of you may have discovered me recently (hello ily!!!) but yo girl has been sobbing for a very long while over these characters #anyone remember my og url ladyvanserra? ugh loved that one #idk if anyone cares but I wanted to say it and delete the anons because I don’t like engaging in discourse that has a negative tone to it #I did my time 😭

[rosenecklaces]

i don't think Azriel haters even get his "behavior" clearly, they love to throw words at him like abuser (cofaintlulufriendswithone?cof) stalker obsessive freak y'all are doing too much and for what? the dude didn't even strangled eris when he had the change or killed graysen and it would be deserved considering what type of series this is!

"he have so many complexes ohhh ughh"

No shit. Everyone could get it when you fucking suffered from child abuse, get locked, mutilated and basically be trained as a killing machine of course the guy is traumatized and will have certain behaviors! Doesn't mean he's going to go around saving women to receive sex or whatever are you insane? Have you seen him?

#azriel shadowsinger #pro azriel #talking about any character mental state in acotar is always a tussle but mostly when is az #like damn i would love to discuss az feeling of unworthiness and how his family trauma affects him but bitches prefer to focus on made up #shit instead as if canon az hasn't been respectful to every woman he got to meet even when his crush rejected him #he's LITERALLY evading spying lulu as we speak for ELAINS sake are you guys really this dumb

[shadybirdwombat]

This is a very controversial thought.

Imagine Azriel gets a tower of dawn book. Gwyn and him aren't mates. They're are Carranam.

Though they are in a sexual/ friendship relationship. Both helping each other.

Something horrible happens to Cassian and Rhys. Maybe koschei and daglan. Anyways. An Illyrian uprising is happening.

Azriel, Gwyn, Emerie, Mor all go.

Keir is involved somehow. Both the Illyrians and hewn city hate the night court. They hate each other too. Though my enemies enemy is my friend.

A resistance group of Illyrians and hewn city residents are working together. A female Illyrian and lord Thanatos daughter are leading it.

Azriel's mate is the Illyrian female. She has powers too. Super strong, she can predict an opponents attacks beforehand. Super speed. Her wings never got clipped. Balthazar is her twin brother. He killed their father to stop it.

Their mom died in childbirth.

Azriel's shadows love her literally. Spend more time with her.

His story arc is becoming their leader despite being a outcast.

He would stop wing clipping. The brutality of his people and himself. No more torturing people for Rhys.

We come to find out Illyrians with powers are killed or have to escape, hide etc. Azriel's mom has powers.

Emerie and lord Thanatos daughter are mates. Like calls to like. I could see Emerie becoming leader of the Valkyries. With Lord Thanatos daughter.

Mor leads hewn city. Her mate is a human that has been kept as a slave. She becomes the Morrigan. Binds her life to her mate. She's related to Rhys. So they're both romantics. Though she finally starts to rule and make change.

Balthazar is working with the rebel group.The night he meet Nesta. He found out Gwyneth was his mate.

Gwyneth and him find each other. He gives her time. They end up together. She heads all of the priestesses. Teaching then to defend themselves. Not all become Valkyries. Plus expands their libraries.

Balthazar becomes a healer. Heals the lesser fae. And is able to heal injured wings with little help of spell from Gwyn.

#hot take #full circle #healing childhood trauma #book characters #tower of dawn #Azriel #Illyrian female #Truth Teller #gwyneth berdara #nesryn faliq #sartaq #carranam #balthazar

[acourtofladydeath]

🤲🏻❤️‍🩹🪽

Well HELLO FRIEND!

Looks like you might wanna talk about a fic, eh?

Take These Broken Wings is my current passion project.

Are you a glutton for punishment? Maybe a lover of all things whump sprinkled with a little hurt/comfort?

Possibly intrigued by the idea of a polyamorous relationship that may become a three person mating bond?

Have Illyrian politics every interested you? Maybe the dichotomy between female trauma and male trauma within the same society is something you’d like to explore.

Do you want to explore the different facets of trauma, healing, and regression as they relate to mental illness and political change?

Have I got a fic for you.

3/7 chapters of this fic have been posted, with chapter 4 completely drafted and in edits.

Did I mention I’m also working on a playlist?

If any of that sounds remotely interesting to you, check out Take These Broken Wings (TTBW) on AO3 now. Please mind the tags and your own mental health before reading.

#so excited to receive this ask #the emojis are prefect #Cassian #azriel #Nesta archeron #TTBW #LD writes #LD asks #LD anon #nessriel #poly!acotar #whump #angst #hurt/comfort #acotar #acosf #rhysand #Illyria #emerie of Illyria #lots of trauma to deal with here folks #and politics to boot

[theshadowsingersraven]

finally circling back to writing my Az/OC fic where the FMC is Kallias' half-sister and incorporates lore about Meliae/ashwood nymphs and how they were near exterminated by the fearful fae and High Lords of Autumn and Spring back during the War 500 years ago.

#it feels good bc it's a lot of trauma processing for me #but goddamn it is scary for something more personal than my other passion project to be out there #azriel x oc #azriel x reader #azriel x you #the people in this fanbase are vicious