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haleigh-sloth · 1 year

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I am done reading AssClass

Okay, let's see if I can type this all out without crying lol

This isn't a review, just my personal feelings on the manga, the things I liked, the things I didn't like (there really aren't much), things I wish I had seen more of etc., and my overall opinion on the ending (;--;)

Things I liked:

All of it. But seriously, the commentary on the education system. The way that it's "subtext" but like, Horikoshi-style subtext. It's not really subtext it's kind of in your face, unable to be ignored. While I'm fully aware that it caters to commentary on the Japanese education system, which differs greatly from what I'm personally familiar with, there are a lot of relatable aspects in this manga that I can relate to American education. For instance, all the "problem kids" getting hidden away from the general classroom, scapegoated, looked down upon, etc. All of that was super obvious. The way it emphasizes how individualizing teaching approaches to the student can produce amazing results that matter to that student. I work in special education currently, but I've been working with kids since I graduated college, and this manga felt very validating to me with how it shows what impact adults can have on kids if they put effort into their relationships.

Moving on....

It's a shounen, but I love how it managed to maintain its slice of life vibe by keeping it focused on their school experiences. Just the way the manga made sure not to dive into power scaling territory in any way whatsoever and mostly focus on demonstrating the way Korosensei was getting through to the students, which as a result really drove the ending home. It's kind of funny how the parts of BNHA that hold my interest the absolute LEAST were the parts of this manga that I wanted to make sure didn't fade away.

I also appreciate how it balanced its large cast without it feeling like cameo city. Everyone got the perfect amount of focus. Nobody felt like side characters who were getting more screen time than necessary to an annoying extent. It has its main focus characters but it truly is a manga about all of Class 3-E. I was impressed by that, as with large casts I usually get irritated quickly when characters I don't particularly care about (because the manga gives me no reason to seriously care about or be invested in them) are being given screen time SOLELY for the purpose of getting screen time. Just...things I generally don't like, but this manga didn't have that issue.

The characters of focus:

Korosensei- I knew his character would be the source of my tears at the end. The person who recommended this manga to me went ahead and told me he would die (which I appreciated because I think I might have been upset/angry at the manga if I hadn't been warned---I'm not good with tragedies lol). So--I knew what was coming, just not the how or the when. Korosensei is the best character in the manga and everything that happens in his arc I feel very reasonably warrants the ending. However it doesn't take away the devastation it made me feel lol. I knew early on, I could tell that he was going to be the source of most of the emotion dredged up in the manga. He didn't disappoint. I've never favored a mentor/teacher character this much.

Karma- My favorite, no surprise. I love how he's introduced as this deranged, violent, uncontrollable teen but ends up being the most go-getting academic in the class. He's bothered when his grades drop the slightest and he more than makes up for it later (so he CARES). He's pretty chill in personality but his unhinged-ness comes out randomly throughout and it's either hilarious or just really cool. He's really not what he's introduced as. He's goofy, and he drops his "revenge against teachers" persona pretty quickly after he's introduced and Korosensei picks at him a little. His friendship with Nagisa gives me life. It's hidden in the shadows but you know it's there, and it finally gets focus toward the end which I ate UP.

Nagisa- BEST MAIN CHARACTER. He feels so passive without actually being passive. His development happens subtly imo, it wasn't something I noticed until the summer vacation arc. After that I paid a lot more attention to him and he easily slide his way into top favs. I LOVE LOVE LOVE how his backstory tied into his skills in the classroom, and how that drove him to change his mind about being an assassin. God that was cinema at its finest. And I said this already but his friendship with Karma is just *chefs kisses* I love them both. They're melons.

Kayano- SHE SHOCKED ME. SURPRISED ME. BUT I LOVE HER. She really did stick close to the protag and hide in his shadow and then come out at the MOST unexpected time. Her backstory tying into Korosensei's backstory, making her closer to him than anyone else in the class ;--;

And that leads me into when I started sobbing and didn't stop.

Korosensei's backstory was rough, but the conclusion to his backstory was where the tears started flowing, and didn't stop until I finished the manga.

I was waiting for the kids to finally acknowledge what assassinating their teacher meant, and finally when the realization came I was emotionally unequipped for it:

These moments had me in a blubbering mess, and it's taking a lot of effort not to cry RIGHT NOW LOOKING AT THEM

And then of course:

....okay in order to avoid crying I'm gonna move on lol

Things I didn't like--honestly not much. I don't have any actual complaints. I just want to sue for emotional damages.

Things I wish had been different:

Things that aren't critiques because they aren't a flaw, just personal wishes I have.

I wish we had gotten to see more of Asano Jr. and Itona. I feel like Asano absolutely could have been used and explored more. Maybe I just wanted him to join class E. I knew it wasn't going to happen just due to the point I was at in the chapters and knowing it wasn't long enough to get into that. But Asano was a fav that I would have been very interested in seeing more. He felt like a side character who absolutely could have been lifted out of side character territory. Itona drew me in more when he was unhinged, and my liking for him didn't go away but my fixation on him shifted to Asano lol. I feel like Itona could also have been used more. But the way in which he was used wasn't bad at all.

Other characters:

I LOVE what happened with Principal Asano, absolutely love it. It made me forgive everything he was about throughout the story. I love his perception of Korosensei changing and how he offered him a job to come back later, I love his shift in thinking, his reuniting with his former students no matter how bittersweet it was. I loved Korosensei telling P. Asano that he was replicating what Asano had envisioned when he started his school. Tear jerking forreal.

Karasuma and Irina: Loved them. Loved how Karasuma kept a hard front almost the entire manga and slowly started letting it fade away as time went on. I love how the three teachers bonded and at the end, Karasuma acknowledging that all three of them raised that class. More tears flowing. Irina best girl. She was fanservice-y but it wasn't a stupid gag and was a part of her character (a legit seductress), and she as a whole was great.

I coud go on and on about the ending and how emotional it made me watching everyone clean the building and the mountain, and Kayano saying it feels like Korosensei and Aguri are still there with them, so they don't intend to make it a memorial site. I could go on and on but I'm legit tired of crying lol I really can't handle it anymore. So I'll end it here and say that this replaced Naruto in my top 5 LOL (sorry Naruto). 10/10.

#the way that i can barely look at some of these pages #psychic damage is real

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e2019 · 1 year

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a useless memory that invades my mind all the time for no apparent reason is when i was in high school, in one of my college prep classes either freshman or sophomore year, we had an assignment every week that was supposed to teach us "SAT vocabulary" words where we had to like define them & use them in a sentence/write a short story with however many of them etc. you weren't allowed to just turn in the assignment & get a grade like normal, instead we would have to like go have a 1-on-1 meeting with the teacher where we would review it together & he would help us with anything we didn't understand.

anyways one time 1 of the words was "monotheism" so i wrote something about how christianity is a monotheistic religion. the teacher read over my assignment & i didn't get anything wrong or have any questions, so he just said to me "it's good that you seem pretty knowledgeable about christianity... are you monotheistic?" that comment caught me off-guard, so i just stood there & kinda stared at him for a minute while my mind haphazardly wandered thru random & seemingly irrelevant info, trying to figure him out. this teacher was mostly a coach (idr which sport... i wanna say football but i feel like i would remember if it was football) & only taught like 2 periods of this college prep class in the mornings (iirc he was required to do it for at least 1yr bc he was considered to be part of the honors/AP curriculum teachers for w/e reason... or something like that idk). he had a relaxed, informal teaching style & was relatively well-liked by the students.

he had one of those cliché tribal arm band tattoos around his right bicep. i always thought it looked particularly tacky bc it was a simple design, about an inch thick, basically just a solid black line with some curvy waves & sharp points flowing off of it here & there; but the simplest tattoo designs can also be some of the hardest ones to execute competently. the black ink was filled in sloppily so it looked sparse & patchy, allowing the natural pigmentation of his skin to show thru in some spots. the linework was similarly amateurish, janky & uneven & failing to be either perfectly smooth or perfectly sharp in any place where one or the other such silhouette was to be desired. but when placed within the wider context of his short yet muscular build, buzzcut, & dark eyes; the combination of high cheekbones & a square chin that gave his acne-scarred face a hardened look; and the coach's whistle he always wore around his neck, i guess i could see how it might make him look tough in a way.

one time he told the class that he never wears a seatbelt because he got in a wreck (seatbelt on) as a teenager, & although the seatbelt kept him from potentially flying toward the front windshield of his car, the force of the seatbelt pressing into his stomach as the car's abrupt stop made his body lunge forward damaged something inside his body. he didn't go to the hospital until hours after the wreck, when the abdominal pain that had been slowly worsening over time finally became unbearable. the doctors told him he had severe internal bleeding & would have died if he waited even another hour to get medical care. they said it was one of the rare cases in which the injuries from the seatbelt were significantly worse than what probably would have happened to him had he not been wearing a seatbelt.

...so anyways, finally i figured i better just say something, even if i couldn't come up with anything i thought might be an appropriate response, because it would be even weirder if i continued staring silently any longer. so i mumbled "uh... yeah, i guess technically i would be a monotheist." then the teacher stuttered a little bit & started backtracking like "oh, sorry, um, i probably shouldn't have asked that. it's your right to believe whatever you want to believe... it's ok that's why america was founded on freedom of religion..." i personally didn't find the question overtly offensive or excessively inappropriate tbh, i was just shocked that he asked it in a way that seemed to casually suggest that monotheism (particularly as dictated by christianity) is the "correct" belief to have, because that seemed like something that he could potentially have lost his job over (or gotten some other kind of negative consequences at least) if he said it to the wrong student who then told their parents & complained to the school district or something. i also didn't wanna have to tell him that i consider myself an atheist because i've rarely gotten a good response when i've told people that, & either way i think it can be annoying when an atheist makes a big deal about their being an atheist.

so what i wanted to do was pretend to be a christian because i can pass well enough as either a protestant (specifically the contemptibly unserious nondenominational type of protestant who probably doesn't even know the meaning of the word "nondenominational") or a catholic (but only like a really surface-level catholic who should maybe probably just become a protestant instead, if only it weren't for the symbolism of the no fewer than 2 prayer candles in every room of their house at all times & the rosary hanging off their car's rearview mirror & their habit of reflexively making the sign of the cross whenever they get scared) in situations where it might benefit me to do so. but i was afraid bc, again, it seems almost "against the rules" to discuss "personal/political/controversial" topics like religion at school (especially between students & staff)... plus i'm a really bad liar cuz it makes me feel guilty, even tho i don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with it in contexts like this where you're pressured into lying for non-nefarious reasons (in this case, personal preservation) & the particular act of deception is otherwise relatively inconsequential. so that's why i made it so awkward & gave a weird yet vaguely agreeable non-answer. after that, i was ready to end the conversation asap, but of course not without making it even more uncomfortable first. so i said something like "yeah i'm so grateful to be living in a free country... a lot of people aren't so lucky" as i turned away from him & went back to my seat.

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notanotherinfjblog · 2 years

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Have you ever had an infj teacher? What sorts of role models do you use, if you have them, in order to succeed?

Hello! :)

I do believe that I've had an INFJ teacher once. I can only type her in retrospect since I graduated quite a while ago, but I do think so. She was my German teacher and her teaching style was very unusual compared to every other class I've ever had because she hardly spoke. You see, she'd present us with a specific question about the book/poem/etc. we were currently reading and then have us students figure it out in the plenum. We'd openly discuss the issue from every possible angle and zero in on the answer together while she sat at the front and listened and only gave a tiny tip or food for thought when we strayed too far away from the point. I'm not sure if everyone was such a fan of this teaching style, but I certainly was.

But to be honest, I don't do role models really. I've never really seen a point in idolising a single person and then striving to become more like them. I just watch people and pick and choose what I want to learn from them. But mostly, I learn from them that it's okay to be how I am already. You see, I have the issue of being very very detached in social situations. It's an Ni thing. I can't function before taking a step back and observing everyone first to figure out the social rules of the situation. I can't just walk in and exist as a person. So I stand and watch, but then I worry about how weird I must come across in doing so. I worked in a babylab at a university before and I kept beating myself up about being so awkward with the parents, with the infants, with everything and everyone. Until one day, another INFJ researcher (and much older than me) was there for her own experiment too and it was quite eye-opening because I suddenly saw my own behaviour in someone else. For the first time, I had forced myself to sit down on the floor with the little girl I had just tested in an effort to appear more active and less detached and weird, and then I saw this INFJ researcher come out of the lab into the hall with us and she did exactly what I'd been doing these past months: she stood in my exact spot in front of the wall and just watched us. Sometimes she'd smile in response to something the parents said or something the baby did, but other than that, she just stood there silently, and for the first time, I saw my own behaviour from an outside perspective and I realised that it's okay to be like this. She didn't come across as creepy or weird or awkward or shy. Just different, but it was okay. Similarly, I love watching my ESFJ friend being socially awkward because he's one of the sweetest souls to ever walk this planet, but he keeps beating himself up about not being nice enough. I always worry that my words were inappropriate or hurtful or mean when I didn't intend them to be and then I get hit by regret immediately, but I never say anything. But then there are these moments when my ESFJ friend asks someone if he hurt their feelings earlier with what he said because that wasn't his intention at all. And everyone he asks these kinds of questions is always surprised by this. My ESTJ friend once literally told him that he could throw an axe at her and she still wouldn't be angry with him because she knows him and knows that he never ever means to hurt anyone, and he got real quiet and said that maybe he should stop giving himself such a hard time. I watch him and learn through him that, one, I should be more vocal about my social insecurities, and two, there is no need to be so worried about this all the time.

But of course, there are other things I take away from other people as well. I look at my former ENTP professor joke around and almost break his neck every week by being too clumsy, but no one thinks he's an idiot, everyone just finds him endearing. I look at my former INTP supervisor and professor who taught me so so much about how to be a good researcher and even though I haven't seen her in years, I still I have this voice in my head telling me that I have to make her proud with the work that I do. I look at my ESTJ friend who is so different from me, but who never shies away from jokingly flirt with all of her friends and telling us how much she loves us and how cool we are, who openly gets annoyed with my everyday uselessness, but still is the first person to offer a helping hand, always. I look at my INTP dad who is so bad at reading social cues and anything that has to do with emotions, but who still taught me to always press my thumbs (it's like crossing your fingers in other parts of the world) when I hear a siren to send a little bit of luck their way to anyone who needs it if there's nothing else I can do to help. I look at my INTJ brother who is a hopeless case when it comes to avoiding confrontations and I hate him for it, but from watching him fearlessly create conflicts with people, I still learn that yeah, sometimes you have to fight, even when everything within you is screaming not to, and he shows me how it's done. I look at my ESFP friend who is so unafraid of wearing her feelings on her face. She's so remarkably unafraid of crying and screaming and laughing with all her heart, and I learn that it's okay not to hide everything away. And I look at my INFP friend hiding everything away to spare other people from witnessing his misery as he says, and I learn how to be the kind of friend that other people have been to me: to simply offer a shoulder and not force him to speak, but to always pepper in my love and support for anything he does so that maybe one day, he feels safe enough to come out of his shell.

We need other people to see ourselves and we need other people to grow. I am but a culmination of everyone around me and they have always been the best of me. I think my love for them derailed this post a bit, but I stand by this: so so many people have been so incredibly kind to me and to each other, even when they didn't think they were, and so they all become a role model to become the best version of myself, to make them proud, to be kind. I strive to never take anything for granted. Someone holding a door open for me or stepping aside when they see me passing through, someone smiling at me, someone wishing me a nice weekend. These are all acts of kindness and I want to be kind, too. And they show me how to be.

#ask #infj

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palettepainter · 3 years

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How the teachers play favourites

We all know Aizawa and All Might have their favourite UA child, Shinsou and Midoryia. And yeah I know Bakugo and Todoroki are also their UA kids but shhh, Midoryia and Shinsou where the first UA kids they adopted.

And you can’t tell me Aizawa and All Might play favourites with them, All makes Deku lunch like..hello?? Aizawa gave Shinsou his capture weapon, HELLO??

So here are some dumb headcannons for how the other teachers play favourites to their UA kids

Ectoplasm and his UA kid Jiro:

-When he gives back marked tests he’ll sometimes write small encouraging notes for his students to read, he does this to some students when he feels they need a pick up but he always leaves a positive one on Jiro’s

-During lessons where students are allowed to study in the lesson Ectoplasm lets them listen to music on their phones, everyone thought he would say no so everyone - mostly Kaminari and Mineta - peer pressured Jiro to ask. To no ones shock except Jiro’s Ectoplasm replied with a calm “Sure, but only if you use your headphones”

-Jiro talks about new songs that have been released and Ectoplasm will listen to her geek out about music

-Sometimes Jiro will tell Ectoplasm what her and the rest of the band (herself, Kaminari, Momo, Tokoyami and Bakugo) have been doing and if they’re working on any new songs in-between their studies. Jiro jokes that Ectoplasm is their biggest fan but Ecto is genuinely supportive of their band and admires their creativity

-Jiro once entered maths class and said “Hey miter Ecto, what’s shakin’ bacon?” and while the whole class was stood there in silence thinking Ectoplasm wouldn’t reply he said “Not much double dutch” and then Jiro went to her desk as thought nothing out of the ordinary happened. Kaminari tried to do the same thing to him and Ectoplasm just went “Kaminari your shoe lace is undone-” Jiro was very amused

Powerloader and Hatsume:

-This one started out more like this - Powerloader: Who’s idiot kid is that?....*realises it’s Hatsume* Oh shit- THAT’S MY IDIOT KID-

-Hatsume showed up at the design studio and never left basically, so Powerloader got used to her. He knows Hatsume overworkers herself so he keeps spare energy bars, fruit and bags of crisps in the design studio. He brought a small microwave and kettle for the winter so Hatsume could make hot drinks and food since she insisted on finishing her ‘babies’

-Say’s he doesn’t worry but still insists she goes to recovery girl when she gets a scratch or blows up the studio, sometimes dragging her there himself, ranting all the way about how she’s an idiot. One day Hatsume ended up breaking her leg during a bad explosion and Powerloader very nearly had a heart attack-

He kept a close eye on her while she worked from a wheelchair at her desk

-Makes her wear a god forsaken jumper in the winter when the design studio is freezing, stupid dumb teenager you’ll catch your death of cold

Present Mic and Kaminari:

-This man is shameless with playing favourites

-He greets Kaminari with his signature finger guns and an enthusiastic “AAAYYYY KAMINARI!” Kaminari shoots finger guns back with an “Ayyyyy teach hozit hanging?!” Everyone in class knows Kaminari is a teachers pet despite how Kaminari insists he’s not

-Mic knows Kaminari has a crush on Jiro and Kaminari is an embaressed child who is like “omg msiter Mic STOP-” while Present Mic is coeing and being all like “Aw that’s adorable!”. He always puts Jiro and Kaminari together in group projects, Kaminari shoots him a flustered glare cuz Present Mic knows what he’s doing

-Kaminari teaches him meme/slang language for laughs and everyone in class hates it, Kaminari finds it hilarious. Eventually Mic gets the hang of it but he sucked at using the language correctly at first

-Calls him lil listener and Kaminari calls him loud mouth

Midnight and Yaoyorozu

-Another teacher who is shameless with playing favourites

-Midnight being a teacher does have to enforce the dress code if she sees a student wearing their uniform incorrectly - loose tie, untucked shirt, odd brightly coloured socks, chockes, etc. Midnight really doesn’t care all that much if a student’s socks aren’t the sae colour as their shoes...buuut she’s a teacher so she has to enforce it. Except when it comes to Yaoyorozu. Yaoyorozu one day had to wear light blue socks into UA as her tights where damaged, and she was worried she’d be called out for not following the dress code. Midnight saw, and turned a blind eye. She was in the middle of telling someone off for not dressing correctly, saw Yaoyorozu with the odd coloured socks and went “-Oh hello Yaoyorozu you have a good day sweetheart! ^^”

-Always complients Yaoyorozu when she comes into class. Oooo did you try a new hair style? Honey it suits you! New note book, such cursive hand writting! Glad to see you got those new pair of shoes, trying a different shoe brand this time? Very stylish!

-Had been tempted to kick Mineta like a beech ball on more then one occasion when he wouldn’t back off from Yaoyorozu

-The kind of teacher to say “I taught her that~” when Yaoyorozu uses one of her combat techniques

-Girl gossip. She tries to guess who Yaoyorozu will get with, meanwhile Momo is just blushing and blabbering because that isn’t very appropriate for history work. Midnight bats a hand is like “Pft I’m the teacher I can gossip in my own lesson”. Puts her with Todoroki during group projects and she, like Mic, 100% knows what she’s doing

Hounddog and Shishida

-Hounddog: I am not soft....*holds up Shishida* EXCEPT FOR MY 1B CHILD WHO IS VERY STRONG AND HE’S GOING TO BE A HERO DON’T @ ME HE’S AMAZING-

-Encourages Shishida to let loose with his beast form, with his rish upbringing Shishida isn’t used to embracing his more wild and uncaring side, having been raised to always be propper and polite when not in combat. Hounddog geuenily puts in effort to be a little less grumbly around Shishida cuz he doesn’t wanna peer pressure him, he’s giving him time

-Keeps a spare cloth so Shishida can clean his glasses off when and if they get dirty from training

-I imagine Shishida having a quirk called beast and having a more posh upbringing prolly has a little bit of anxiety, having to always be polite and propper even with a quirk called Beast. Sometimes he vents to Hounddog about this and he listens, insisting that it’s better Shishida get it off his chest when he apologises for drowning on

-During training Hounddog basically throws him about like a beanie bag at first, Shishida was still a kid and Hounddog had years of experience. The day Shishida finally knocked him down with a hard punch to the side of Hounddog’s face he felt...bad. But Hounddog was beaming! Shishida may have cried a little bit

Snipe and Hagakure (picked hagakure inspired by a suggestion @snipe-enthusiast made a while ago)

- Protective af

-Hagakure screams the innocent dorky girl of 1A, and thought Snipe makes sure none of the girls deal with Mineta’s bull while he’s around he’s especially protective of Hagakure just cuz...well, have you seen the way she acts? She’s innocent, peppy, happy, cheerful, and Snipe does not want that tainted by Mineta’s preverted ways

-After the exam with Hagakure and Shoji Snipe apologized for what happened and so did Hagakure, admitting that she over-reacted.

-Hagakure admits one day to Snipe that she’s worried she won’t make it as a hero cuz her quirk isn’t flashy like her classmates. Snipe reassures her by saying that no one thought he could be a hero when he was little (this headcannon was inspired by @frelmidja and a post this did with Snipe) - guns weren’t exactly considered heroic and he got teased in the beginning when his quirk first activated. He told Hagakure to keep working hard and that she had the potential and the drive to be a hero, Hagakure was very thankful for the reassurance

-Hagakure really wants to see what Snipe’s face is like and constantly asks him if he could take his mask off and show them, Snipe has yet to break and take off his mask but Hagakure is very persistant

Cementoss and Bondo

-Chill babies, they sit and have tea together.

-I imagine Bondo to be the kind of person to accidentally call Cementoss dad, it happened once during one on one training and he got so embarrassed. Cementoss kept telling him it was fine but Bondo left in a hurry after

-Bondo tried to make certian shapes out of his glue one time but ended up getting himself stuck, Cementoss helped him out and reassured a disheartened Bondo that everyone makes mistakes and that he was progressing well

-Being one of the taller boys in 1B he often has to hold back Monoma from going over to 1A when Kendo isn’t around, often tries to diffuse conflict before it gets worse, Cementoss is very proud

-After one on one training the two go to the lunch hall to get a hot drink after cleaning themselves up, Bondo tries to bring a different type of tea sweet each time - something like biscuits or chocolate. Cementoss returns the favour by bringing Bondo manju to have after his training

Thirteen + Gunhead and Uraraka

-Proud mum and dad because I couldn’t decide between the two

-Uraraka researches into the affects of zero gravity and how to better use her power, due to this she’s become a bit of a space nut and enjoys thinks like star gazing. When she was a kid and saw Pro Hro Thirteen on the TV she was ecstatic! Her parents brought her a Pro Hero Thirteen plush on her seventh birthday, Uraraka still has that toy. One day the toy got misplaced in the students washing and got mixed up with the teachers, Thirteen was a bit confused why a plush of her - and a well loved one by how old it looked - ended up in the wash. Uraraka hurridly rushes over to explain when Thirteen comes into the students dorms asking if it belonged to anyone. When Uraraka explained she got it when she was younger cuz she’s a big fan of Thirteen...heart squeeze

-Asked Uraraka if she could teach her the gunhead martial arts move, Uraraka was so honored she got to teach one of her idols a combat move! Through the gunhead martial arts move Thirteen met Gunhead and the two become good friends

-One day when Gunhead is teaching Thirteen the martial arts move with Uraraka to help demonstrate Uraraka wanted to take a picture of them all together. Gunhead was too tall to fit into the picture so he kneeled down to be at the same height as Thirteen and Uraraka (he did bunny ears behind Thirteen’s head and Uraraka thought it was adorable)

-Gunhead pretty much puts two and two together with Uraraka having a crush on Midoryia, so one day when Thirteen mentions in passing conversation how giddy Uraraka gets when she’s around this one green haired kid Gunhead just chuckles behind his hand. Thirteen and Gunhead think it’s very sweet how Uraraka totally has a crush on him (unlike Mic and Midnight thoug they don’t force anything and let Uraraka figure things out on her own)

#MHA #MHA UA #UA Teachers #Teachers #Ectoplasm #Snipe #Midnight #Mic #Present Mic #Thirteen #Gunhead #Students #UA child #headcannons

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moxfirefly · 3 years

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B D J O V for Donnie, Karl and Alcina? (yes I am in love, no I dont have regrets uwu)

My 3 loves? Well why not! And pls enjoy the ficlet styles I’m going to opt for when doing dirty secrets! This is a little long so is going under the cut.

🩸🍷Alcina Dimitrescu🩸🍷

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and on the other)

A bit of an odd one here but she loves backs, like your actual back. The line of your spine, if you have those back dimples, ufff. She loves the shape of it if you’re on the more curvier side, she loves the skin, and your rolls, and any stretch marks. Just picture that elegant hand of hers ghosting over your back, nails maybe even claws.

On herself, well Alcina is aware of her assets and she’s very aware of her chest, both she’s quite proud of but she’s really proud of her figure over all.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

There was a pretty seamstress in the village who always was brought up to the castle to help with her dresses. She was a pretty thing in Alcina’s eyes, very much her type. When your making or fixing or measuring a tailor made outfit for a 9ft+ woman well it gets tricky and a little more handsy than usual. Alcina didn’t mind, the seamstress didn’t either. It was interesting following simple commands even if they were asked upon her with nothing but grace and poise.

So as Alcina sat for the 40th time to have something around her neck marked to be fixed, she had to stand between her legs to best approach and see the mistake. Only sitting did she have the best chance at seeing her at a more eye to eye level (well as best as it could be).

She isn’t dumb, she knows curiosity, want and lust like the back of her hand. Sees the nervous swallow of the seamstress whenever hands glide across her chest. The whispered ‘pardon my lady’ when she rests a palm on Alcina’s throat and takes a needle to the neckline with all the gentleness she can muster. Of course it’s the moment to prick her finger, the quiet hiss and scent is enough to alert Alcina and without waiting for her to fuss she takes that bleeding digit and kisses it, tastes the bead of blood, all while looking straight at her. When she still sees lust there, oh does she pull her closer.

One of her maids walks in about twenty minutes later, an array of materials in her arms so she doesn’t quite catch how the Lady of the castle smooths her dress and tries not to laugh, chest heaving a little and legs closing a tad. The maid greets her with her usual honorifics before leaving the requested materials, she notices the seamstress isn’t there and arches a brow at the room. “Lavatory” is all Alcina says before the maid makes a question. She nods but feels something isn’t right with the current picture but still leaves.

Once gone.

The seamstress crawls out from under Alcina’s skirt, mouth shiny, hair disheveled and nice set of teeth marks at her bosom.

It becomes a frequent thing after that.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

It’s not to say she needs to because she sincerely feels she has anybody at her beck and call who is willing ready and able. But on the rare occasion she indulges in some self care, it’s mostly in her luxurious tub. Feeling the warm water, her hair clean and smelling of that weeks chosen fragrance, well it gets her thinking and thinking leads desiring and if there isn’t anybody she’ll handle it. Slow, she loves drawing out her own pleasure, loves to feel that rise but stops before it’s too close. She’ll do that, edge herself a little bit more before biting down on her lip to muffle a more particular louder cry.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Both. She lives for giving it and she loves to receive it. She is just, wow, so incredibly good at it, she’s goes about it in such erotic and passionate way and if you’re not looking like you are being possessed by the devil then she up’s her game to make sure that happens. You can squeeze her head with your thighs all you want, she’s built different lol she can handle it. Don’t yank to much on her hair though, claw at her all you want but easy on the do.

She’s had a few inexperienced lovers which she has to guide when they want to go down on her. She’s very particular of what and how she likes it, but she’s patient enough to teach you.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

I’ll do you one better, https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMRSKhUoh/

⚙️Heisenberg⚙️

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and on the other)

https://hagelpaimon.tumblr.com/post/661063110466158592/i-wonder-wonder-who-ill-pick-hesi-baby-a

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) shout out to @imthegreenfairy88 for helping me out with this one.

The first few times he indulged in this he was very adamant in keeping it to himself and to himself only (with time and reassurance he chills out) but the first time he tried doing ‘back door’ stuff on himself he was very surprised about how good it fucking felt and every so often he indulged in it. There’s an occasion where he ends up in bed with some tourist, gun to his head he doesn’t remember their name but he sure fucking remember the blow job and fingering combo that they gave him that had him seeing fucking stars. He tensed up at first was about to say something but they crooked their fingers just right and swallowed his cock at the same time and words were out the window along with thoughts.

He was so far gone that it didn’t cross his mind that when he begged for another finger, he gave himself away and if their eyes weren’t indication of how delighted they had been, feeling two more additional fingers really proved the point.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

I mean I’m saying yea, he has to get creative with it sometimes so as to not get bored, but he picks up a few things he enjoys (he is creative after all) he’s definitely ruined his fair share of pillows, loves rutting into them. He has beat off probably in any section of the factory but shower is better for clean up. He for sure has done it outside of the factory, probably relaxing on a chair and if the weather is nice enough, it’s not like anybody is gonna suddenly drop by. He likes a tight closed fist when he’s close but enjoys a teasing touch to start things off, really enjoys grabbing his balls when he does it. Very messy messy boy when he cums.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

This man blows you like his life depends on it. VERY sloppy but it’s really hot, it’s how eager he is about it and how willing he is to suffocate and or choke on it. He’s told you to sit on his face multiple times at multiple moments of the day. He loves the taste of you, loves feeling suffocated by your thighs. You know what they about big noses too 🥴🥴

As for receiving he likes to dish out what he takes. So expect some rough mouth fucking, he will make you gag, he will make you all teary eyed cause he enjoys it. He’s fine with it without to be honest, he much prefers to be balls deep in you but if you enjoy doing it then expect hip thrusting.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Not super loud, but he isn’t mute. He groans and moans but he’s also a talker so expect a lot dirty talk. His voice drops in a way when he’s fucking you that it makes your toes curl. He’s all breathy pants when he’s close. Lots and lots of cuss words.

👾Donnie💜

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and on the other)

https://hagelpaimon.tumblr.com/post/661063462078889985/b-body-part-their-favourite-body-part-of-theirs

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He likes the taste of his own cum.

He denies it, really denies it, just says it’s his way of cleaning you up after a nice romp but he really has a way of proving the opposite. Donnie has ‘finished’ on you in every way shape or form. On your stomach, back, face etc you name and each time he has cleaned you up he’s either wiped it up and sucked on his fingers or he’s just full blown licked it off of you.

And there is something so disgustingly erotic about that you haven’t or don’t want to call him out on it. You’ve gone down on his multiple times and he very eager to kiss you after your done. One time you purposefully left some on your chin and lips to see if he’d clean it up first but nah, kissed the heck out of you. His favorite is cumin in you and then going down on you. The first time he did that, it was enough to make your toes curl till they cracked and just as you were about to say something he was yanking another orgasm from you. The combined taste of his and yours release? Fuck now that was his favorite.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Does it and does it often. He’s not prudish about it, it’s free oxytocin and for a guy who’s convinced he’s never gonna get a shot at being with somebody physically, might as well practice some self love.

Loves visual stimulation but he’s really into audio stimuli. Likes those audios where he feels he’s there with the person or the ones where they give instructions. Donnie is really into edging and if he’s got the time and privacy he can literally edge himself for a couple of hours. Has at times managed hands free orgasms. Has made cock sleeves or basically fleshlights (ah ingenuity), can have his moments where he’s super slow and teasing about it, light strokes and all that. Can also have moments where he basically fucks his fist to the point of making some pretty obscene wet noises. If listening to audios or watching videos he really loves trying to cum at the same time as the person in the vid or audio. Has a bottle of lotion right on the desk but that shit is so cluttered with stuff that nobody has picked up on it and honestly it’s kinda funny.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

GIVE GIVE GIVE.

Oh my lord is he OBSESSED with giving oral. It’s such a big turn on for him. He just loves how intimate it is, he loves how he’s giving you pleasure in such an intimate position. LOVES over stimulating with his mouth, loves feeling thighs trying to break his head, happy to die down the suffocated in his favorite place, loves feeling a hand at the back of his head and pushing him in further.

He’s not crazy about receiving cause he knows his size is a challenge but he’s not opposed to it, he much rather get a hand job from you.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Loud and not afraid about it. He enjoys the fuck out of it and is going to be vocal about it unless it’s adamant to be quiet because people are around. His churrs are really nice, deep but not as baritone as say Raph’s, but they feel and sound so good.

#tmnt bayverse #re8 village #donnie #heisenberg #alcina dimitrescu #lady d #lady dimitrescu #tmnt Donatello #Karl Heisenberg #lord heisenberg #tmnt Donnie #Donatello #ns*w alphabet #ask #dianounais

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local-ground-apple · 3 years

Note

May I request scenarios of Diasomnia and Pomefiore taking care of their child s/o? Sort of similar to the one you did for when Silver, Rook, Kalim etc being turned into children ❤️❤️❤️

Hope you will enjoy it~! ❤️❤️❤️

🐲 Malleus thought nothing could surprise him anymore in his long life, yet when he saw your small form, he had to admit he hasn’t expect you to turn into a child anytime soon,

🐲 tries and will find a solution quicker than Crewel or Crowley,

🐲 at first, Malleus is lost. The whole situation is new to him and he doesn’t really know how he should take care of you or what he could be doing with you, until you get back to your normal form,

🐲 he did ask Lilia for help,

,,Y’N, what would you want to do?” ,,You’re a prince” “Yes, indeed” “Teach me how to dance”

🐲 Malleus furrowed his eyebrows, a bit taken aback with your sudden request, but soon a soft smile graced his lips. You were truly adorable as a child and he absolutely wouldn’t refuse you anything,

🐲 needless to say, you stomped on his feet a lot,

🐲he carries you on his shoulders almost all the time and you refuse to get down from them. You just wanted to touch his horns, but you really liked the feeling of being so tall and the view up there was truly amazing,

🦇 the only one who actually knows what he’s doing,

🦇 at first, Lilia gets a bit emotional, as all those fond memories he had created with Silver when he used to be a child flooded him. You two ended up looking at pictures from Silver’s childhood,

🦇 won’t stop cooing how adorable you are and he will certainly take a million of pictures much to your dismay (enough to create a whole album just with the photos from two days you spent as a child)

🦇 Lilia saw this a perfect opportunity to cook especially for you. Before this ancient fae burnt a whole kitchen down or accidentally poisoned you, Silver appeared with edible food and saved you from Lilia’s questionable dishes,

🦇 you had a lot of fun with Lilia, since you two organised a sleepover. Eating pizza, building a pillow fort, eating unhealthy ammounts of sweets, pranking Sebek - you truly had the best time of your life and you two even invited Malleus to join you (Silver fell asleep halfway through).

🦇 fun ended when you told a “spooky” story and Lilia being Lilia decided to pull some ancient, fae book with terrifying stories that made Silver suddenly more than awake,

🦇 needless to say, you, Silver, Malleus and even Sebek ended up sleeping all together in the pillow fort with Lilia that night, refusing to turn off the light,

⚔️ Silver refused to let you touch his sword. Actually he hides it before you, so you won’t get hurt by accident. He hides everything that is sharp,

,,No, Y/N, you’re not going to climb that horse” “But, we always go horse-riding on Tuesdays!” “Yes, when you’re an actual adult”

⚔️ so instead you decided to go to sleep,

⚔️ you both spend a lot of time napping together. Lilia often sees you two sleeping peacefully underneath a tree in the forest, while animals are all around Silver who has clovers in his hair (all thanks to you)

,,Can I braid your hair?” “...” “please?” *sigh* “Yes, sure”

⚔️ your braiding-hair skills certainly got better, even Vil would be impressed,

⚔️ when he’s asleep, you often sketch Silver trying to capture his beauty. Lilia finds your drawings purely adorable and he always coos how cute you are. Of course, Silver has no clue that you have a whole stash of drawing of him and you wish to keep it that way,

⚔️ Lilia of course offers his help, even if it mostly consists of him telling you all the embarrassing stories from Silver’s childhood

⚡ panics on the inside and on the outside. Can’t and won’t calm down anytime soon,

⚡Sebek hides any dangerous weapon from you and tries to babyproof the house as much as possible,

⚡tries to be quieter with you, as Sebek thinks children generally aren’t fond of loud sounds (oh how wrong was he). Somehow you managed to be louder than him, when you decided to throw a tantrum,

⚡takes you with him literally everywhere. May it be his sword training, actual classes or just his night patrol, Sebek refuses to leave you unattended,

⚡ you ask him to read you and he gladly complies. Sebek switches from actual history textbooks to some fairytales, but you don’t mind this duality. Just hearing his soft voice reading you something before sleep is more than enough to calm you and lull you,

⚡you often fall asleep in his lap,

💜a child, huh? Something truly unexpected. Vil is the first one to put his initial shock and disbelief aside and he immediately starts working on potion to turn you into adult again. He really wants to dedicate himself to it and at first Vil is engrossed in his work,

💜at first. Soon, you get rather bored and you begin to disturb him. Vil wanted to yeet you to Rook, he truly did, so he could focus on making a potion for you. Yet, after certain hunter told him for the umpteenth time that professor Crewel is taking care of it, he started considering taking a break,

💜your absolutely adorable puppy eyes finally convinced Vil to spend some time with you,

,,Can I style your hair?” “Absolutely no” “Please?” “I said no, but we can throw a small fashion show, hm?

💜 you two throw a small fashion show, but perhaps, a raid on Vil’s closet would be a more appropriate word. You tried a lot of his clothes and Vil taught you how to do poses,

💜 you two sneaked out to Heartslabyul to taste some strawberry tarts baked by Trey (even though Vil certainly was on a diet),

🏹 oh là, là. Room won’t shut up about how cute you are. He constantly coos how lovely you are. You quickly get tired of this bullshit,

,,Could you stop!” “My, my, mon lapin, tu est trop mignon~!”

🏹 Rook lets you style his hair,as well as wear his hat,

🏹takes you on his regular Leona-watching-from-the-bushes-event and you enjoy your new, stalkerish role perhaps a bit too much,

🏹Rook obviously refused to take you hunting, yet you followed him either way and you ended up convincing him not to kill a hare, but to adopt him,

🏹 Vil certainly wasn’t pleased when you showed up with a hare named “Five”

🏹 your puppy eyes and pouting face is enough to persuade Rook to do whatever you wish. Literally, he won’t be able to refuse you

🏹Vil told him not to give you any sweets, but one look of your puppy eyes and Rook is melting. He will sneakily give you chocolate when Mr.Schoenheit is not looking,

🍏 Epel has absolutely no clue how to take care of you. Absolutely, he’s just lost,

🍏 but he tries his best to keep you from dangerous, sharp things that may result in you hurting yourself,

,,I’m not a baby, I can slice the bread myself” “Y’N, you’re literally a child”

🍏 however, Epel let you help him bake some apple cookies and you two ended up having a flour fight (yes, you started it on purpose),

🍏 you two become partners in crime. Sneaking out at the evening to Savanaclaw, eating snacks past bedtime, violating practically every, single rule Vil imposed on you two and finally raiding Rook’s stash of sweets - there’s just plenty of things you both managed to do together,

🍏 Epel plays a loooooot of board games with you - literally every, single game he managed to find in Pomefiore, while you both sip on hot chocolate with marshmallows,

🍏 he is elated, when you turn to your original form. Sure, he had a lot of fun taking care of child version of you, yet he much more prefers your older self (mostly because he can finally kiss you)

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1ddiscourseoftheday · 3 years

Text

💙Fri 11 Dec ‘20◟̽◞̽

Louis' big show is TOMORROW but that may not even be all we have to look forward to from him! Producer Alex Oriet (half of the duo Saltwives, who have worked with Zayn a lot, and he got his start working with 1D) reposted Louis' “new song” tweet to his insta with a caption- “soon”. OMG. Billboard had a 'year in livestreams' feature and wrapped up with Louis', saying “the best is yet to come” and reporting that Louis' show is Veeps' bestselling of the year “in excess of $1 million” (so either over a mil so far or a mil over the next best, hard to say, but it'll be well over a million by the end for sure so either makes sense).“I can't wait for tomorrow!” Louis tweeted, SAME, and “feels so good to be back with the boys getting ready. Can't wait for you all to see what we've been working on!” He included the brand new special Live From London twiiter emoji (!), it's a really cute lil vintage TV with the xx smiley on it, and a pic-- it's him looking over the backstage prep (so many screens) and you can see his hair flowing free and long and lovely! You can also see a piece of paper in front of him with 20 lines on it-- even if it is a set list I imagine some lines say “banter with crowd” and such like (as we saw on Louis' tour set list) but that's still soooo many lovely songs :))). Charlie Lightening says “this is going to be special, can’t wait for people to see what we have planned” and LTHQoffical is hitting us hard with the hype, posting another rehearsal pic (he's holding a beer and they didn't even scribble it out! wow almost like there's nothing wrong with that), and a time zone guide showing 66 cities around the world, and a digital fan pack, and they said more merch will be out tomorrow (heeelllp), and there's a show day itinerary-- ticket sales cut off 4 hours before the stream but much more interestingly, don't reopen (for the 28 hours of rewatch) until TWO HOURS after the start time. While they could (probably should) be allowing time for technical difficulties I much prefer to believe it's because we're getting a LONG SHOW YES PLEASE! I like my Louis shows like I like his hair, as long as he can possibly manage!! So that's plenty that we DO know to be excited about at the moment but the mystery of Louis new label also remains a hot topic nonetheless, with the known high cost of a twitter emoji stirring questions of who footed the bill (not something we're ever likely to find out sadly). If his team really understood us in the least they'd set up a viral video style Q and A where every Q pulled out of the bowl was an intensely detailed bookkeeping or promo strategy type query- tbh the faces Louis (or any one of the boys) would make would be 100x more entertaining than they get from any tired trying-to-be-cheeky standard Q and the answers sure would be!

Harry's prerecorded (months ago!) Jingle Ball performance aired at last and OH MY GOSH! SO GOOD! I think we can all agree (I know right?? I can't believe it either) that the backing band, Free Nationals, were phenomenal, and Harry's performance was terrific, just simply next level versions of the songs and Harry's sound in general. What more could we ask? For me, not much. For the Jingle Bell Ball organizers, well, they might have liked something Christmassy I suppose, maybe a holiday cover song, or a “tour of his home and holiday traditions.” LOL too bad! Whatever, they DID get vocal variations all over the place and oh did they work, a little lyric change in Golden (“I'm hoping someday I'll open”?), Harry in a sunny LA backyard (whose? who knows!) and everyone in not remotely festive Gucci. There were some decorations though! Not xmassy though- they were, can you guess, yes that's right: sky blue. And there was TRUMPET! A horn section, like revenge, is best served cold apparently: all these years on we can only assume Julian Bulian is good and sorry for denying Harry his trumpets cause DAMN did that sound GOOD. Julian may not say it but I will: you were SO RIGHT Harry, trumpets on every song!! Please! In fact, if you just took that guy on tour with you... or any of those people really? He can just have a really BIG backing band how about, then we won't have to argue about whether wanting this to be his band is mean to the old band. Anyway I hope the fan who ran into him in LA this morning told him how much we liked the show-- she did take a distanced pic, Harry is in his running gear (mostly black but bright fruity shoes) and holding a beverage. Oh yeah and Fine Line is now available to stream in “3D audio” (there's a moving in a New Direction from 1D joke in here headline writers, have at it) which is something that apparently only works with an Amazon device and is strange because physicists assure me that all sound is 3D, but what do they know. Anyway I'm sure it sounds great to those who can access it but luckily for me the album sounds great in plebian unbranded sound as well.

In the wake of Liam's no-show livestream yesterday fans are full of theories about what could be going on to cause such a thing, except actually it's only one theory; everyone is quick to ascribe the glitch to management struggles. May I simply say: there are so very very many things that could be happening in a person's life, even in a 1D member's life, that could cause a missed event and reducing any of them to 1 Dimensional figures who only have work related problems does them (and rigorous theorizing) a disservice. I hope we can all agree on wanting what's best for Liam, and that that extends to supporting him even if things are going on that are less glamorous than management villainy. I will ascribe one thing to management though-- I do believe the guys do the bulk of their own tweeting etc nearly always, but @Liam's tweet that yesterday's live didn't happen due to “technical difficulties” and they are “looking to reschedule” is one that I will make the exception for, sometimes you can just feel the PR person behind the screen! Tik Tok said it was rescheduled for next Tuesday, but the tweet was after that sooo hmm. The Billboard article about Veeps of course also talked about Liam (his Halloween show had 3.7 BILLION chat messages my god) and Liam's prerecorded alarm content today is Roman teaching Liam to do a Harry impression. How come when Roman does it it sounds like Harry but when Liam does it he sounds like Roman? Tip to Liam, just call it a Roman impression and you've GOT it!

Meanwhile, Lewis Capaldi weighs in on Niall and whether he (Lewis) enjoys golf with uncharaceristic delicacy; “we have different interests,” he says, and he sympathizes with a fan who said they'd slap him to meet Harry: “I understand.”

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andersunmenschlich · 3 years

Text

"Was I Abused" game

Copied and pasted from this post by @furiousgoldfish (to save space since you can't reformat anything in posts you reblog).

Is it accurate? Who knows! My memories of childhood are incomplete! Besides, a lot of these things seem frankly normal to me and not abusive at all... which, if they are abusive, is probably an especially bad sign. Hm. Anyway, on to the game!

Reblog and bold the things your parents have done to you! Italicize if you're not sure. (copy paste it all and then bold)

Physical abuse

parent slapped me to prove their point / teach me a lesson (I don't remember. It would have been loss of temper anyhow, not point-proving or lesson-teaching.)

parent spanked me as a “punishment” saying it was for my own good (Hey, I was raised full-on Michael Pearl TTUAC-style. This is foundational.)

parent pulled on my hair to force me to move

parent threw things at me while angry, things heavy enough to hurt me (Kind of? She and my sister were on my bed, top bunk. I was cowering on the floor. But I dunno if she was angry.)

parent trapped me in a room/corner so I couldn’t escape them (I don't remember. But I do know, in my very bones, that there was no escape from them. You couldn't run. You couldn't hide. And trying would only make things worse.)

parent hit me when I wouldn’t obey them / tried to confront them (To Train Up A Child, people.)

parent used a twig / stick / belt to lash at my body (Again—this is the Pearl technique. My parents broke a lot of wooden paint mixing sticks on me before discovering this whippy plastic rod about the thickness of a pencil! You could sharpen the end in a pencil sharpener, too. They had a ton of those, it seemed like. And a short one for trips outside the house; it fit in Mom's purse.)

parent grabbed me to force me to pay attention to them

parent pinned me down and physically prevented me from escaping (...Yeah. Again, this is the Pearl technique.)

parent brought me into situations where I feared for my life (I—look, it's not like the fears were rational or anything. It's just that the world is terrifying when you're autistic and so much hurts. And have been taught your whole life that "the world" is a terrible, dangerous place that can kill you both physically and spiritually. Yeah.)

parent made it painfully obvious for me that I’ll obey them or suffer injuries (I mean. TTUAC.)

parent threatened to beat me if I wouldn’t do as they say (This was the most basic part of my childhood. Like air. Under what circumstances would this not be the case? Unimaginable.)

parent forcefully fed me something I refused to eat (Does not letting you eat between meals, and putting the same food in front of you at each meal—over and over again until you either eat it or it grows mold—count?)

parent made an attempt at strangling / drowning / burning me

parent banged my head / body into the wall / furniture (To be fair, I hit him first. And it's not like I broke the table when his punch sent me across the room: I didn't hit it that hard. Just busted open the back of my head a bit.)

parent forced me into sexual activities

Emotional abuse

parent called me derogatory names and slurs more than once (Frankly, I'm still reasonably convinced that I am a monster. And evil. And I am definitely a fool, at least biblically speaking. "The fool says in his heart, 'There is no god,'" indeed.)

parent said my name mostly with hatred and scorn in their voice (To be fair, it was my name.)

parent degraded and humiliated me in front of others for fun

parent insulted and devalued something really important to me (I mean, in retrospect, it was dumb. Just a worthless paper model of a house, that's all. It wasn't even that great. I was a little kid, after all. So what if I'd spent all day on it? It was still garbage, really.)

parent deprived me of something that meant the world to me (I don't remember. I genuinely don't remember, but I still have trouble admitting that I care about anything because part of me is terrified that if anyone knows I like a thing they'll have a way to hurt me, and that fear has to have come from somewhere, right?)

parent yelled and swore at me in anger more than once

parent blamed me for things that were out of my control/not my fault (And they do feel bad about this now.)

parent shamed me for my physical appearance

parent guilt-tripped me for not pleasing them well enough (I mean, they tried. But good luck; I have no idea what guilt feels like. I bought a book about it because I was curious.)

parent regarded me as a burden, and shamed me for needing them at all (Hmm. I don't really do shame either. I was a burden, though.)

parent insisted I couldn’t take a joke after I was hurt by their insults

parent never comforted me / got angry if I reached for comfort (Again, to be fair: I'm autistic. I'm pretty sure they were just having trouble with my body language and facial expressions. Why else would they punish me for bad attitude when all I wanted was to be cooed at and fluttered over with the same concern they showed my siblings when they cried about their wounded knees?)

parent punished me for crying / showing fear / showing trauma symptoms

parent humiliated me for showing excitement and happiness

parent subtly let me know that my feelings and my problems don’t matter (They, uh. They don't. My feelings and problems are mine. Why should anyone else care? It's genuinely not their problem.)

parent got angry at me for feeling depressed / angry / tired / suicidal

parent blamed me for feeling depressed / angry / tired / suicidal (Who else's fault would it be? They're my feelings, produced by my body and brain, experienced only by me, in my own head. Dang if I see how anybody else could be to blame.)

parent compared me to cousins / other children to prove how I’m the worst (Dang you, Perfect Second Child. ... Although... in retrospect... that set-up wasn't great for you either, was it. Hm.)

parent decided for me how I feel when it was convenient for them

parent told me that I was crazy / delusional / need to be locked away (I don't remember. It sounds familiar. But I don't. I don't remember.)

parent threatened me with kicking me out / sending me away if I don’t change (Kind of? Does it count if you overhear your parents talking about it in their locked bedroom? Not their fault I was listening at the door, surely. They were genuinely considering it. I can't blame them. I was a terrible child.)

parent refused to accept my sexuality gender / tried to force it to change

parent required me to act normal to protect family’s reputation

parent isolated me from family activities they all enjoy (Nooo, haha, I did that all on my own.)

parent assured me that nobody will ever want me (I mean... "only a mother could love" is a saying for a reason. And if even my own mother couldn't love me, well! I don't remember whether anyone told me this outright. It just seemed... obvious.)

parent insisted that I was lucky and that I could have had it much worse (I could have!)

parent made me responsible for their well-being and made me the caretaker

parent insisted that their harmful acts were all done “out of love” (The subject of love was confusing. "I don't love you," "I hate you," "I have to love you because you're my child, so I love you—but I don't have to like you, and I don't, I don't like you at all" ...it was all very confusing.)

parent demanded I be available for their requests at any time (Well, yes, obviously. To Train Up A Child was very clear about this.)

parent punished me for trying to establish boundaries (Boundaries, boundaries. Hmm. Interesting concept....)

parent destroyed my belongings as a form of revenge (Revenge? I don't know. Consequences, I think it was. For keeping all my favorite toys on my bed, and nesting in them. So obviously they had to be thrown onto the floor. And at my head. Ahaha.)

parent made inappropriate sex jokes and comments in my presence

parent denied doing any of this and insists that all the blame is on me (I'm not sure they aren't right, honestly. As previously noted, I am a horrible person, and I was even more horrible as a child.)

Psychological Abuse

parent kept pointing out my flaws as proofs that I won't achieve anything (Mmm... was it them, or was it me doing this? Seems like they were always telling me how intelligent I was, how talented, how much promise I had. The voices asking why wasn't I doing anything, why couldn't I use the gifts God had given me correctly, why was I wasting it all, I'm the stupidest smart person ever, garbage, can't do anything right, etc., seem to have always come from my own mind.)

parent called me stupid, incompetent, ignorant, while withholding information that I needed to know in order to complete tasks

parent would change their side of the agreement at a crucial moment and then pretend it was obvious from the start

parent stalked me / distrusted me without any reason / invaded my privacy (I'm really not sure. What privacy? A four-bedroom house with twelve people in it has very little room for privacy. And if you have nothing to hide....)

parent attacked my insecurities and vulnerabilities in any argument (Dad's always been very good at this. It's his emotional intelligence, I think. Never been much of a cryer, but he can do it to me every time!)

parent forced me into degrading actions while they watched

parent threatened to leave me

parent regularly accused me of behaving the way they did

parent never acknowledged, praised or approved of my actions

parent always demanded they be acknowledged as right without any proof / explanation (Sort of? They had explanations. It's just that those explanations were often terrible. Not that my parents were aware of that.)

parent insisted that they’re a great parent using financial support as proof

parent insisted that I should be grateful for how good they are to me (Keeping me safe from the world! The evil, dirty, disgusting world, full of immoral monsters! Oh, the horrible things that could happen to me without their protection! ...Which is not entirely untrue, I guess. But... I dunno....)

parent gaslit me and tried to make me believe my memories weren’t real if I confronted them with what they did

Neglect

parent didn’t notice I haven’t been eating properly (Frankly, I preferred that. I never much cared for being forced to eat things that made me feel sick.)

parent didn’t notice I was sick / didn’t care for me while I was sick

parent didn’t notice I was injured (Eh. After the first few years of my life, that suited me just fine.)

parent didn’t notice I didn’t have clothes / shoes I needed for school (I didn't go to school.)

parent didn’t notice I suffered from trauma (Look, it's—it's the autism again, okay? Living in a world that hurts you horribly at unpredictable moments is traumatic. I didn't know it was trauma. I just thought it was life. So how could they have known?)

parent didn’t notice I was anxious and stressed (Oh, they noticed that.)

parent didn’t notice I was depressed (Once again—I didn't realize. So how could they? I'm really not sure this counts.)

parent didn’t notice I was cutting myself (Whipping myself, actually. With tree branches. Until the skin broke. Hmm, that was when I was in my early teens, though—as a kid I used to turn a little wooden rocking chair upside down and throw myself into the sharp ends of the rockers. To be fair, they might have noticed. Just... who really cares? I was a rough and tumble kid. Scrapes and bruises and cuts and what-have-you were to be expected. Anyway, there was no cutting; I never cut myself.)

parent didn’t notice I was suicidal (I wasn't. I'm not. I won't be. Mind over matter. Ha.)

parent didn’t notice I was being sexually abused

parent didn’t notice I was being bullied

parent failed to get me medical attention when it was needed

parent failed to teach me the very basics of self care

parent didn’t seem to notice any of my needs and feelings except the absolute minimum I required to survive (Uh. Anything more than the absolute minimum you require to survive isn't a need. You need to survive. Do you really need anything else? I mean, it's nice, a definite plus, but....)

when I notified them of these things, they denied it, accused me of lying, decided it wasn’t happening and/or blamed me for it

Financial Abuse

parent made me feel ashamed for needing money

parent made me feel like I was a financial burden to them (But I was. Come on, now. There's no way honesty counts as abuse. ...Is there?)

parent only gave me minimal money to survive (I don't—there were kids out there getting money from their parents? I mean, they're giving you clothes, food, and shelter already. What for would you need money? I must be missing something.)

parent made sure I never have a decent amount of money on me (Again—I never had that much money. Quarters from the Tooth Fairy: that was it. Money from birthday cards or whatever went in the college fund under their bed. "For your future." And I raided that stash later to buy books anyhow.)

parent took the money I earned from me

parent used the money to blackmail me (if you continue this way let’s see who will pay for your bus ticket!)

parent insisted since they “pay for my stuff” they have the right to control my behaviour and actions (and attitudes. Is this, um. Is this not true?)

parent had enough money for luxury but kept me without anything

parent refused to get my medicine / get me medical attention because it’s too expensive while they got everything for themselves (Nah, they didn't visit the doctor either.)

parent would keep me anxious over if they would pay my expenses or not

parent would make me do as much work for them as possible before they would pay for a necessity

parent kept me in the dark over family finances even when I was of age (Was that them, though? Or was that me? It's difficult to know what's going on with your money when you can't go outside during the day—so no bank visits—and you don't have the password to your bank account because you never asked for it, so you can't do anything online. Which was just as well, because my laptop was... not great. Almost certainly terribly insecure.)

parent would make sure I never have enough money to escape them

If you bold more than 5 things, you have been through abuse. For some particular ones, even one true thing on this list means you’ve been badly harmed by your parents. Also this list is not complete, there are many more abusive behaviours not listed here, feel free to add!

#furiousgoldfish #'Was I Abused' game #child abuse #?#memories #Isaiah muses

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fandom-hoarder · 3 years

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listen I have so many questions about Stanford Sam, like this kid who was raised in the wild, barely aware of acceptable social conduct arrives with his 2 ectoplasm stained t-shirts at his dorm and like ????? is he very aware of it at first? or does he think he's hiding it well? and like moving in with Jessica?????? he doesn't know how to water plants and that you have to pay electricity bills ??? Like obviously he's not stupid, we know that!! But there are certain things about ordinary everyday life that are just impossible to pick up when you're raised like that. And this is just surface-level stuff, like I feel overwhelmed just thinking about how many tiny things I do in a day, just normal life stuff that I've always done, that Sam would be like ???? so weirded out by, or maybe creepily fascinated ??? Would he try and copy everyone around him maybe??? and then all the odd things that he'd probably do !!! like just basic marine survival nonsense he's dad probably taught him applied in mundane life situations that would make him stand out and he wouldn't even notice !!! And he thinks he's doing fine, people seem to accept him, but then suddenly someone mentions like... TRL or something and he's like ??? and then Dean picks him up and it all falls to pieces, because it's so EASY and ingrained and he doesn't have to pretend and it puts it into perspective how not okay he was doing at Stanford even when it felt like he was ?? god I'm just rambling, like I barely even have headcanons, I'm just so overwhelmed by all the possibilities of how this would play out !!!!

Holy crap, first I wanna apologize if this has been sitting here awhile. The Ask notification location in settings instead of notifications on the app is so weird and I get them so rarely I don’t think to check. (and the website shows that I have 4 but this one is the only one it’ll show? How does tumblr work? Oh yeah, it doesn’t lol.)

Anyway, I have so many thoughts on this! But they’re not necessarily cohesive?! Like first we all know Sam is super smart. He’s curious. He’s inquisitive. But he’s also sheltered in weird ways. There are things he’s known about the world that most people would never know about, let alone kids his age at any given time; yet the existence of those things--and the understanding that therefore potentially anything could be real--also lends itself to keeping him childlike--he had an “imaginary friend” at age nine and believed in the Easter bunny through age eleven, which is much later than the average probably???

By middle school, he definitely would’ve been feeling the strains of his otherness around his classmates, even if they weren’t constantly moving around, but of course the nomadic lifestyle just makes it even harder.

I think Sam is a very observant person, though. He figured out something was up with their dad and The Truth at age 8! So people watching is Sam’s saving grace for getting along in the mundane world. He definitely learns to mask his otherness by mimicking mundane people.

And I get sidetracked here because then I start thinking about exactly how their childhood went. We know John used Pastor Jim and Bobby as childcare/parenting support to some degree. I don’t think we really know anything about Caleb, maybe I’m forgetting something, but my headcanon is that Caleb functioned as a “fun younger uncle” type to Sam and Dean: cool, responsible in a pinch, but mostly not given childcare responsibilities because of his wilding tendencies. (they learn swears accidentally from Bobby and John, but Caleb TEACHES them.) Sam and Dean didn’t even know about Missouri until s1, so she’s off the caretaker list. They had that babysitter they met up with in uhh... Swap Meat! But largely we assume that Dean had a lot of the caretaking responsibilities; maybe with temporary babysitters in other places the same as Swap Meat.

And lbh you just can’t expect well-rounded, informed child-rearing from a kid only four years older. There’s a reason I associate a lot of weechester flashbacks with Sammy watching TV like in Something Wicked, because literally little siblings are A LOT and sometimes you just want them to sit still and quiet and leave you alone for a bit omg.(wait, give me a minute, I’m imagining little 6 year old Dean on the phone with Bobby because John ran out for food supplies and isn’t back yet and Sammy is still asleep but Dean’s creeped out in the longterm room they’re staying in because he KNOWS about the supernatural already. but then bobby gets on John’s case about it--and instead of never leaving Dean alone with baby Sam again, Dean learns from John’s belt not to call anyone when he’s left alone unless it’s an ACTUAL EMERGENCY. Or maybe, because marine, John doesn’t use his belt; maybe he uses PT instead and every time Dean thinks about calling Bobby for that reason again, his abs ache from the memory of punishment situps, or his arms get suddenly shaky thinking about doing pushups til he just couldn’t anymore.)

I haven’t read all of John’s Journal, and I know it’s not actually canon, but IIRC the bits that I’ve read from the wiki show John and the boys staying with a family friend in Lawrence for a few weeks, MAYBE a few months before John visits Missouri and everything STARTS. I think if he hadn’t picked up and left with them then, the family friends would’ve been contacting CPS because they’re starting to think John’s grief is making him unhinged. (I really want to read the journal tbh--there are bits I’ve seen that make me fantasize even more about boyking!sam storylines... but I’m getting even more off track.)

So we’ve got this weird/interesting dichotomy of kids that are groomed with these hyperspecialiizations, too weird to really fit in with other kids but sheltered from the actual hunter life also--like the fact that there ARE other hunters, like as a THING, not just their dad’s rando friends that, as kids, they may just assume know about the supernatural because their dad told them! (jfc they’re SO PRIMED to be each other’s entire world omg I’m gonna die)

So like, by being quiet and observant (an imaginative kid, by nature and by nurture as John starts to take Dean out more and leave Sam alone with his own thoughts), Sam would pick up a lot of things. But they’re never anywhere long enough for him to fully grasp everything and he would definitely suffer a bit from the Dunning-Kruger effect--not having enough knowledge about a thing, but having just enough that you don’t realize you don’t.

Let’s say Sam observes and picks up some things about normal residential life by being around a few mundane babysitters. The nature of John’s “work” would mean that, even if they were in a more in-home-daycare-like situation, they’d be likely to be the “after hours” kinds of kids that are still there when everyone else is picked up and the babysitter would normally be doing their normal life stuff: changing clothes, cleaning up from the daycare kids, making dinner, etc (sam and dean would definitely help, either out of kindness or duty or because it’s agreed that if they help out John will get a discount on their care costs--don’t mind me, just projecting my childhood onto the winchesters hahh. I’m NOT going to go off on a tangent about Dean already having so much experience caring for babies cuz of Sam. He definitely doesn’t have all the under-4s following him around begging for attention while he burps one of the three babies their babysitter cares for after a bottle. it DEFINITELY didn’t make Sam (age 4, 5, 6 maybe) jealous enough to repress the memory so that over a decade later he would claim that Dean doesn’t even LIKE kids.)

Uhh... what was I talking about? Oh yeah, Sam. Observing normal life. Anyway so maybe after things settle for the day, sometimes a babysitter will sit at the dining table with the weekly bills and their checkbook and do the bills. And Sam kind of loves things like this: it feels like something important; it feels like playing school before he was old enough to go (quick aside here: John totally enrolled Sam in school early, both because that’s the only way his age works with canon timeline and because it would make life easier if Sam was in school just like Dean--more cost-and-time efficient.) And maybe Sam goes and sits at the table and just. Watches.

And then he asks questions. When he’s curious, he doesn’t keep his questions to himself as a child (unless the subject is expressly forbidden: see Dean’s reaction when Sam brings up Mary). But his age would inevitably limit the scope and understanding of those questions. Adults are generally disinclined to fully explain the adult world to children, especially when it comes to finances, and in the 80s and early 90s?? With most of the adults of that time that I knew, those kinds of questions were considered rude and nosey. He might understand that adults have to pay bills; he may even understand something about utilities; but he wouldn’t necessarily understand all the requirements and frequency.

Though their nomadic lifestyle wasn’t stable by any “normal” definition, one thing to be said about mostly living out of motels is that your power is never cut off, or your water, or your heat. There’s always television, usually with cable. And the only form of payment you see going on is dad handing over cash or plastic at the front desk--one and done. My headcanon usually disallows the idea that they would’ve squatted in empty houses when Sam and Dean were kids (John makes plenty of bad decisions but I just don’t see him staying in a place without power or water with CHILDREN. Teenagers? SURE.) They would learn how to clean house and make proper beds even when it wasn’t always necessary with housekeeping available--both because of John’s military parenting style and because John would be most likely to opt out of daily housekeeping to lower the risk of having people ask questions.

So yeah, there are so many little intricacies of the mundane world that Sam wouldn’t be conditioned to even think about. Even the realization that he doesn’t know enough about regular life, as he grows up and longs more and more for that very thing because he’s never had more than a glimpse of it, wouldn’t necessarily be enough.

Would his natural curiosity lead him to ask those questions? He can’t ask John because he already asked Dean and got a dismissive answer because ‘what does any of that matter, Sam? we’ll never have to worry about that shit.’ and if Dean seems borderline offended by the sheer audacity of the questions in the first place, he knows John will be worse.

In the 90s, life skills were still kind of a thing in most U.S. schools. But in a really inconsistent way. Sometimes it was in health class curriculum; sometimes your math class would actually do a short focus on balancing a checkbook and banking if there was a chapter, but a lot of times those parts get skipped. You never use the whole textbook. Sometimes life skills was only in Home Ec, but H.E. was completely elective in my area when I was in middle school (the same exact years Sam would’ve been in middle school) and I’m assuming the same for most of the U.S. Sam may have taken it, or he may have taken something else instead (wood shop or computer class were the alternatives in my area). Maybe the nature of school hopping meant that he HAD to enroll in Home Ec, because resources for the other electives were finite, but somehow always managed to miss the bills and budgeting portion. Maybe he couldn’t even take Home Ec due to class size or resources and they just put him in a study hall for that period. (Maybe they put him in the computer class, where he mostly does book work until he gets a turn on the PC he has to share with his classmate.)

As an observant person, Sam totally would’ve known about TRL, I think. There’s no way at least one group of kids in the halls or lunchroom wasn’t talking about it every day in high school, especially with the advent of Britney Spears and Eminem and Jesse freakin Camp. Maybe he goes to someone’s house to try to hang out or to study and they turn it on and Sam watches raptly because it’s such a strange phenomenon and he hardly ever gets to hear new music, much less watch the videos. But he can’t actually get into it because the fangirls are annoying and his analytical mind won’t let him suspend his disbelief about how the voting works. (Maybe he tries giving it another shot in their motel room sometimes, but Dean vetoes that bubblegum pop shit IMMEDIATELY--no Sam, look, that shit isn’t REAL music; most of them don’t even play instruments. And it’s really not fair because Dean TOTALLY watched MTV’s The Grind in the early 90s for his fix of suggestively gyrating bodies before he figured out how to access porn without getting caught.)

Sam and Dean actually make a LOT of pop culture references, which always fascinates me. I imagine they did a lot of TV watching and VCR/movie renting in the times they weren’t working on a case with/for their dad (projecting again; my dad’s house was a very boring place on his weekends). The nature of Dean’s idolization of John and disinclination to let Sam have his own separate likes means they have a mix of age-appropriate pop culture knowledge and a lot of Boomer-era TV and movie knowledge--Dean more than Sam, maybe when it comes to things like cowboy movies and TV lol.

Anyway, as the realization that he doesn’t really know how anything works crept in, maybe Sam would try to lowkey create situations where he could ask his friends/his friends’ parents those normal life kind of questions. But maybe after his first few tries, he’s become so uncomfortably aware of how weird he is to even need to ask that he stops asking. Maybe he starts to tap into his specialized skills and starts snooping/creeping around their houses to try to glean knowledge. Maybe he scours the library for books on ‘what you need to know for life’--I have the urge now to do a google search on actual titles of books on this subject that may have existed at the time, but I’ve already spent a lot of time on this without going into research spirals. lol Maybe he can’t find exactly the things that are pertinent--still doesn’t fully realize that, though--and in the meantime his cache of esoteric knowledge continues to build.

So he gets to Stanford and he mostly understands how the financing works; enough to get by with enrollment and stuff. He understands that he’ll need to get a job of some sort to make ends meet because he’s there to be normal and normal people don’t pay for everything with scammed credit cards and billiards money; he knows that much. But he doesn’t really know about wages, minimum wage, freaking payroll taxes, etc. (I feel like Dean would’ve had odd jobs as a teen, some legit some under the table, but that the nature of John (and Dean) wanting to keep Sam home and safe would’ve made the subject of Sam working through high school a banned topic. And anyway, much as I’m not a fan of the characterization in Drag Me Away (From You), what Dean said to Sam about the impossibility of getting into college with the way his academic career would look is accurate. So Sam would’ve probably spent most of his free time on academics so he could get the fuck out, rather than trying to get a job.

Maybe having to buy his textbooks would be a surprise? John probably always qualified for Sam and Dean to be on free lunch/free book programs in public school, not to mention the likelihood of the records being at least partially counterfeit. But at the same time, John was probably very hands off with their school enrollment crap once the boys were old enough to handle it themselves, so Sam would at least have an inkling.

Sam would be a weird mix of no-boundaries and too-secretive, and his first attempts at acting normal would be a bit too put-on. He’s got experience acting per 1x16 (oh, maybe he did drama instead of home ec somewhere lol), but acting on stage is so much different to acting in a more personal setting. On stage you have to exaggerate your movements to project all the way to the back. Early-Stanford Sam, I guess, is a bit like Soulless Sam. He knows there’s something off about him compared to the people around him, and he just does his best to pretend he’s the same as them without calling attention to his differences, which ends up coming off robotic. A little Stepford. A little uncanny valley. He learns to bite his tongue every time he’s about to let something normal only to his family roll off it; learns to be even more vague than he used to be, because now he’s around strangers ALL THE TIME.

At some point, Sam has a little-but-big breakdown about a payment he missed or the fact that he had to steal shampoo because he didn’t even have toiletries in his budget and couldn’t even afford a bottle of White Rain or Suave, so since he was stealing anyway he got the special brand he really likes and then feels too awful to even use it and doesn’t wash his hair for a week. Brady takes pity on the cute but hapless puppy-boy who is a physical and academic behemoth but has obviously been living off-grid on some kind of militia commune for the past forever--at first the rumor was that he was Amish on rumspringa but the amount of times Sam has busted out some supremely random survival knowledge in casual conversation changes that rumor quickly--and has no understanding of the world. And by the time he moves off-campus with Jess, Sam has this masking thing down pretty well; he can almost forget he’s not normal sometimes and Jess only knows about his previous helplessness in a cute, anecdotal kind of way.

And then Dean comes and gets him and Sam’s all “you and Dad still doing credit card scams?” and Dean’s like “well hunting doesn’t pay the bills.”

AND SAM’S LIKE, NEITHER DO YOU DEAN! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT BILLS ARE?! BECAUSE I DIDN’T AND IT WOULD’VE BEEN NICE TO KNOW!

#ask #@princessconsuelapark #stanford era #sam winchester #pre-stanford era #sam n dean #john winchester's a+ parenting #long post

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rosaguard · 3 years

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❀ . ━ ❛ ON AERIS’ DESI IDENTITY.

for the sake of making this question easier to answer, I’ll be breaking it up into parts ( yes, i tend to ramble about other things before fully getting to my overall point ). as always, i’m black - not south asian - but i do my best to research before speaking about a culture i do not belong to.

verumking asked : some questions about brown aeris because i'm. forever heart eyes tbh. // you've drawn a lot of parallels between hinduism and the cycle of life on gaia, and also the conflict between aeris' human desires and her duties as a cetra. is her desi identity something she specifically attributes to her cetra heritage? does she begin to embrace it in her day-to-day life at all-- i.e. making and wearing henna, cooking traditional food, etc? how do her views on her identity change with each incarnation?

this is a somewhat difficult question to answer simply because fin.al fa.ntasy often picks and chooses which game is going to be the one™ where the culture and identity of the people within the game actually matters and when it does not ( on a side note: the series in general has a bad habit of using real locations with brown people as inspiration for settings in the game and not reflecting the real people and culture of those locations within the games. half of xii’s party being white people from a desert region literally inspired by the middle east is a glaring example of this ). anyway, i would say vii itself easily places itself within the category of there not being any real sense of culture - or at least nothing of any real substance in my opinion. by that i mean things like how the sector 5 and 7 slums are essentially the same in the remake ( outside of the former being ‘greenier’ ) even though it doesn’t make sense for the equivalent of two mini-cities that are kind of semi-lawless / mostly left to fend for themselves by shinra to not have more of a difference regarding their identities: how they operate, how the people act within them, etc.

there’s also the fact that one of the most well known locations within the game is a christian-styled church within the sector five slums...and yet no religion is ever mentioned within the game’s worldbuilding. the church’s very existence could be seen as ironic if there was actual commentary on humans ( unknowingly ) building a false religion over time as a result of the void created after their ancestors willing choose to abandon their connection to the planet but there isn’t any. humanity, at least within the context of this universe, are essentially treated as the equivalent of atheists that don’t ‘believe’ in the planet being a living organism that deserves to be respected. meanwhile the cetra, the closest thing the game has to a religious group, don’t really seem to follow any specific tenets of a faith outside of protecting the planet and cultivating life on it. basically, i find it weird that a human-made structure and the symbolism that comes with it is imprinted onto aeris of all characters.

on one hand i get the logic behind it: she’s easily the most ‘spiritual’ character of the group ( if not the whole game ) and is canonically white / ’western’ inspired as nom.ura put it so western concepts of what is pure / holy is going to be applied to her from a pure aesthetic standpoint alone. from the church, to her somewhat overused prayer pose™, and her own final limit break which has white angels taken straight out of christian art descend from the heavens in its animation sequence, this specific imagery is given to her a lot - even if it doesn’t make sense from an in-universe perspective. the reason i even bring any of this up is that i think how culture is used and applied to certain characters is already inconsistent which is worth pointing out. aeris’ own identity already clashes with itself in canon - some of it being fully intentional and a part of her arc ( her desires as an individual vs her duty as a cetra ) while some of it ( basically everything stated above ) is...definitely not?

✿ : is her desi identity something she specifically attributes to her cetra heritage?

yes and no. however, before i fully elaborate on why, i have to touch on how i view the cetra as a whole. i’ve always saw them as people who, while nomadic, still have individual ‘tribes’ they belong to / travel with and it would’ve been common for members of one group to branch off and intermingle / travel with another ( or even just travel on their own for a while ). the more the cetra travel and expand their ‘network’ across the entire planet, it’s only natural that groups are going to start forming their own unique differences, whether it’s with looks, how they speak, and their culture, with their bond to the planet and their duty being what ties them all together. the cetra being separated into specific tribes is also directly supported within canon:

ifalna: 2000 years ago, our ancestors, the cetra, heard the cries of the planet. the first ones to discover the planet's wound were the cetra at the knowlespole*.

ifalna: then, just as it had at the knowlespole. it approached other cetra clans...... infecting them with... the virus.

while the cetra capital, the city of the ancients, is in knowlespole ( the modern equivalent of the region that the icicle inn and the northern crater is ), ifalna confirms that other clans beyond it exist. although the details around jenova’s arrival and defeat are unclear, from ifalna’s retelling of what happened ( and her distraught response while doing so ) it seems as if all of the cetra that first encountered jenova were either killed or infected before jenova moved on to do the same to other clans. this more than likely results in entire sub-cultures and histories lost before jenova is sealed away by the cetra aeris descends from ( which would explain why there’s not much recorded information on the cetra within the universe ).

one also has to remember the groups of cetra that branched away from the others and become humans. although they abandoned their duties, it’s very likely that they still retained aspects of cetra culture and it just changed / adapted over a period of two thousand years. with the cetra mostly wiped out and forgotten about, i don’t find it realistic for aeris, at least at the beginning of the game, to really know which ‘parts’ of herself come from where; especially since there would realistically be desi-coded humans that haven’t had ties to the cetra in thousands of years. although i headcanon both her mother and father as brown / desi, aeris doesn’t know who her father, professor gast, even is and the years she spent with her mother were in complete captivity. based on aeris’ ignorance about the white materia ( ex. her thinking it was useless originally ) and the cetra in general, one would assume that ifalna wasn’t able to teach aeris much due to not wanting to reveal anything to shinra since they were likely under constant surveillance. there’s also the fact that aeris outright rejects being a cetra as a child and tries ( yet fails ) to assimilate into ‘human’ culture:

“well…” kyrie replied. “there’s a crumbling church in the slums, where we played together. we did things like pretending to hold wedding ceremonies. aeris was always in the church, taking care of the flowers on her own. sometimes we talked about it. one day, aeris told me to go home quickly. i thought she was being mean because i stepped on her flowers.”

“when i got home in a bad mood, my parent’s bodies were being carried to the house. i heard it from my grandmother. about the lifestream and the ancients. i thought it was just a fairytale at the time, but after that— i figured aeris was an ancient. ...hey, what do you think i said when i met aeris after that? i said ‘you creep me out’.” - kyrie revealing her relationship with aeris after learning of her death in the kids are alright novel.

i guess the real world equivalent of what i’m trying to say would be similar to how i’m black / african american but do i really associate myself and my identity with africa beyond a surface level? the answer is no. how could i when i don’t know anything of my ancestors, african americans are generally robbed of learning about our history, and i don’t even know what ‘part’ of africa i come from. navigating your identity, your culture, and your heritage is extremely complicated and i don’t really see it being any different for aeris. she doesn’t have any way to truly ‘discover’ and connect with her cultural identity - even if she wasn’t actively rejecting it.

✿ : does she begin to embrace it in her day-to-day life at all? i.e. making and wearing henna, cooking traditional food, etc?

she does - although it’s a gradual process that doesn’t start until she leaves midgar. canonically, it’s not even until cosmos canyon that aeris finally begins to ‘connect’ to her heritage and fully understand what it means to be a cetra:

aeris: i learned a lot. the elders taught me many things. about the cetra... and the promised land...i'm...... alone... i'm all alone now...

however, in between chasing sephiroth, almost dying, and then saving the world, she doesn’t have much time to come to terms with everything that she learned there. in my blog canon, she does eventually leave edge a few years after its built to begin traveling on her own and eventually finds herself back in cosmos canyon. realistically, the elders there don’t have all the answers for her but her simply studying there is an important stepping stone to reclaiming a part of herself that she never got to know - or really accepted ( her parents also studied and met there so her life would be coming full circle in a way ).

so with all that said, i see aeris’ ‘embracing’ her desi heritage the most with fashion at first since she technically already does - regardless of whether she realizes it or not. the ultimania for the remake includes concept art for the cetra ( which can be viewed fully here ) and they’re specifically said to have been designed to have similarities to aeris - meaning that aeris’ current style of clothing is meant to embody her ancestors. highlighting a cetra design that looks weirdly similar to aeris herself, this cetra’s outfit - at least to me - feels similar to clothing popular in india and other parts of south asia:

if the dress was taken out and a few alterations was made to her top and half-skirt, it could easily resemble how a lehenga choli piece is worn. the top piece of her half-skirt also resembles the look of an oddiyanam, a type of waist ornament that women in south india wear.

there are other cetra’ accessories that resemble jewelry common in india as well: the armlet on the unnamed cetra resembles a bajuband ( a similar one can be found here ) and bangles similar to a kangan or churi, commonly worn by women across south asia, are prominent in both aeris and the cetra’s overall designs too.

with mehndi / henna, i definitely see her wearing it across her hands and feet but it’s mostly similar to whenever she wears traditional dresses: it’s reserved for special occasions / celebrations. with that said, that’s more so when she’s grown accustomed to applying henna herself without messing up or someone else is doing it for her. it wouldn’t be uncommon to see aeris’ hands decorated with different patterns every few months: a direct result of using her own body as practice when first learning how to draw designs ( if you want to get full fantasy with it, the designs glowing against her skin when she uses magic would be neat ). as a side note: for those who don’t know, there is a short story about aeris’ time in the shinra labs. it contains a drawing by her, which is also in the remake, that has more designs for the cetra ( you can see the unedited version here ):

also aeris cooking? l o l. joking aside, in my three years of writing aeris i’ve never really put much thought into her style of cooking, what type of food she specifically likes to eat, etc. outside of the fact that i don’t think she is much of a cooker at all ( probably because i’m not one either ). however, i cannot let a question go answered so! i’m probably going to sound redundant mentioning cosmos canyon again at this point but it really is due to the fact that it’s specifically the source of her connecting to who she is. the drawing she drew in a trance as a child even includes a location that is more than likely cosmos canyon ( and yes, i checked to compare ). the most notable npcs there are all brown and i do see them all being people of color that have come from different parts of the planet to share knowledge and learn amongst each other. although her main purpose of living in cosmos canyon the years she’s there is to study her people and record her own knowledge ( i’ll touch on this later ), it also provides her with an opportunity to connect with other people that are desi-coded like her on a more personal-level.

am i basically saying she probably tasted some type of chaat ( dahi vada specifically ) for the first time after leaving midgar and never looked back? yes. it’s not until aeris leaves midgar that she gets to experience trying out various food from her own culture as well as food from cultures outside of it in general ( not that these foods didn’t exist in midgar but she’s poor and doesn’t really have the means / opportunity to try them before ). aeris definitely becomes a fan of dishes that are savory with gravy, can be eaten with sauces like chutney ( she likes red chili, spicy coconut and mango chutney the most ), or dishes based around vegetables ( although if there’s spinach it, don’t tell her because ew ), fish or lamb. dishes such as rajma, samosas, sambar, biryani ( it’s probably one of the first desi dishes she would cook on her own ), pakora ( she’s definitely eaten chili pepper pakoras without a sweat ), etc. are all up her alley. aeris admittedly also has a sweet tooth so snacks like kozhukkattai, gulab jamun served with ice cream, etc. also appeals to her greatly™.

the process of eating these dishes when they’re made by other people vs actually introducing them into her day to day eating habits are two different things though. not to say that she wouldn’t make an effort to try - she definitely will but learning how to cook these dishes takes time ( especially if you’re already not much of a cook. ). incorporating them into her daily lifestyle wouldn’t be an instant process but it will happen eventually.

✿ : how do her views on her identity change with each incarnation?

as the embodiment of the lifestream, aeris is constantly consuming information between each reincarnation. the lifestream houses memories and knowledge since the planet’s very inception so she literally has thousands of years of information to sort through and process between each new ‘life’. the different cetra clans that were mentioned earlier? aeris would technically have the ability to trace back the memories of her entire lineage and discover which clan she’s from if she wanted to. with every incarnation, she’s learning a little more about her people, where she comes from, etc. and being a cetra starts to feel like less of a burden to her and a role she starts to embrace / actively take pride in. while there will come a time where she’s not the ‘last cetra’ anymore, aeris essentially becomes an eternal record keeper for her people.

once she begins working with the WRO, it’s actually her idea to start an annual celebration event ( or festival ) during the anniversary of meteorfall. despite her people being nomadic and spread out, the cetra had a capital city and it’s not far fetched to assume that it was used as a place for the cetra to converge during important events, celebrations, etc. through aeris, aspects of their culture begin to live on in new ways such as the meteorfall festival which becomes a celebration of life and the planet itself. while the festival isn’t intended to have any real world parallel, i do think the symbolism of the diwali festival is fitting for the events of sephiroth’s defeat / lifestream and holy destroying meteor:

diwali symbolizes the spiritual victory of light over darkness, good over evil, and knowledge over ignorance.

overall, no matter how many times she reincarnates, aeris always returns to cosmos canyon to record everything she knows, whether its her own life experiences, the memory of her people, or their culture, so that her children, her grandchildren, and so on can always have knowledge of their history and identity in a way that she wasn’t able to.

✿ : brown aeris says thanks for reading!

i hope this was a satisfying answer to your questions! i try to do my best with honoring the cultures i’m talking about and not treating them in a haphazardly and/or lazy way. i wanted to explain her journey of being someone not really connected to their heritage at all and explaining the process she goes through in a realistic way without..making it surface level? hopefully i achieved that!

#❀ . ━ ❛ blood of the ancients ❪ headcanon ❫ .

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taurianskies7 · 4 years

Note

How do we make our own vedic chart and understand it? Any pointers would be really helpful. Thank you!

Hi!

Well, calculating your own chart is a bit easier! Probably look up any online vedic birthchart calculator or you can go here and download the short install version. Put in your birth time, date, place etc and you’ll get your vedic chart!

Now, you’ll probably end up getting a chart like this:

The first one is the North Indian style and the second is the South Indian style. The difference in them is mostly the placements, in North Indian chart the first block is always the ascendant (the number 12 represents the zodiac sign, which is pisces btw, and the houses move anticlockwise), while in the South Indian one, the zodiacs remain in the same block in any chart and the ascendant is represented by the diagonally cut line. (shown in the second figure, pisces is always going to be the upper left corner and the zodiac moves clockwise, so the block next to it is Aries, and next to that is Taurus and so forth). Now that you know where is where, you might be surprised by some changes in the placement of certain planets and even the ascendant. Don’t be so quick to judge them though. The symbols of the planets are Su- Sun, Mo- Moon, Ve- Venus, Me- Mercury, Ma- Mars, Ju- Jupiter, Sa- Saturn, Ra- Rahu and Ke- Ketu respectively. If you’re familiar with astrology, you should be able to recognise these planets easily, save for maybe Rahu and Ketu. So, Rahu and Ketu are the two nodes of the moon, the north and south lunar nodes respectively. Now that you know which planet is where in your natal chart, we call it the D1 chart, as vedic astrology relies on divisional charts - your D1 is basically your natal chart. Before going to other charts, focus on this. Vedic astrology puts greater important of Moon than the sun sign. Why? Because the sun sign is a fixed point, you can’t change your soul but the moon, the mind and emotion are volatile. To understand the moon better, and the other planets better too, you need to know what the nakshatra your moon falls in. Okay, so, Nakshatras or Lunar mansions, are basically stars/asterism that divides the zodiac constellations in typically three parts. Why the person w/same zodiac doesn’t act the same? you have to look at the nakshatras. Which is also divided into 4 padas, you can see why vedic astrology is nuanced as hell and this is just the natal chart we’re talking about. Lol.

Okay, so this is mine, pulled off an online calculator - it’s pretty straightforward and listed, in the program that I included (credit to @studyofastrology for suggesting it btw), it kinda goes into more details and the nakshatras names are shorted. Check out this post by @whenerosmetpsyche who listed out where all the nakshratras would fall in a western chart while wikipedia here lists all of them in vedic and western context. Upon inspection, you might notice that some of them overlap in different zodiac signs, yeah - this is exactly why I told you not to judge the planets and their placements immediately. Looking at this chart through western perspective doesn’t work. The Moon - The Moon signifies a lot of things, especially as it serves as the indicator of the mind in vedic astrology. It represents our personal needs and desires, basic habits, reactions, feelings, unconscious etc, it is basically you, “I think; therefore I am” applies and it’s very useful in determining one’s fate. In Vedic astrology, my moon is in Aquarius, which contradicts my tropical Pisces moon placement, but the description of the Nakshatra - Purvabhadrapada ties it all up, as the Nakshatra itself is ruled by Jupiter. Find out about the vedic interpretation of your moon sign, then the Nakshatras and its pada (there’s a lot of resources online both in written and video format, if you have any concerns, you can send an ask later too). Also, heads up, the older texts are very strict with their definitions and they usually don’t hold back when the list out the characteristics (aka even pointing out that some nakshatras are more likely to be criminals, or fail at marriage etc, don’t be shocked or anything because like, Vedic Astrology is nuanced as hell and seeing something like married life/spouse/career can include a LOT of factors, one placement doesn’t determine it.) You can do the same for the other placements too. LOOK at all of them through vedic interpretation! The Lagna or the Ascendant and its Nakshatra is very important too, because it basically structures your astrology chart and it can tell you what life throws at you. (Mine is in Chitra, pada 3 and I’m always forced to deal with situations in technical and systematic way) Rahu - The North Node of the Moon. You might be familiar with this, known in western spaces as your “destiny” but it’s not entirely that case in vedic. Here, Rahu is the head that was cut off from the body of a serpent demon, the shadowy entity that is constantly hungry and wants to consume everything. Rahu points towards the direction where your soul is obsessed with, something you want to achieve in the fastest way possible without all the hardwork stuff - because Rahu is extreme. It is the mind projected solely into matter. It amplifies everything. As it represents materialism, mischief, fear, dissatisfaction, illusion, obsession and confusion. Rahu is also the co-ruler of Aquarius (well, this can be debated but it is believed by some famous vedic astrologers), we’re living in his age right now and everywhere, you can probably see Rahu’s insatiable presence. (more, more, more, more!) Ketu - The South Node of the Moon. Ketu is the headless body of serpent demon, also the extreme opposite of Rahu. Ketu represents land that you’ve already conquered, spirituality, supernatural and it’s the karmic collector of good and bad, thus it also represents your past life, if you believe in it. Ketu can also represent Moksha as it is the point of ultimate detachment, unlike Rahu, Ketu wants to do nothing with the material world and it constantly has a separating/detached effect on wherever it sits in your birthchart. It is the mind that is withdrawn from any wordly connection. It is also valued as a point of wisdom and intelligence due to the spiritual nature of Ketu itself. Often times you’d find vedic teachings telling you to abandon the desires of Rahu to achieve moksha. Why are Rahu and Ketu important? Because they basically spell out where your soul is journeying towards. The key to understanding Rahu-Ketu is by balancing both - Rahu is the point that you’re new at but you want to achieve the highest standard in the quickest way possible, while Ketu is the land you already conquered, only through applying both the knowledge of the past(Ketu) to move towards the future (Rahu) can you bring about a balance existence. This is just the bare bones of it. There are a LOT of things you need to consider when learning vedic astrology but I can promise that it’ll bring about a lot of insights. Plus you can more or less find out everything depending on the depth of your understanding. Further topics to research can be: 1) Planet’s relationship to each other. 2) House’s significance. 3) Yogas 4) Mahadashas 5) D9 chart 6) D10 chart 7) Aspects in vedic astrology

#vedic astrology #sidereal astrology #birthchart #D1 #astrology #ask answered #didn't know i could write this much but here we are

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roccomoon · 3 years

Text

a birth anniversary noticing

7.22.21

1036am

if you’re reading this, maybe you know me, maybe you don’t,

maybe you care, maybe you don’t,

theres no way i could know,

so i don’t really care,

but i do appreciate the energy,

and attention,

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its my birthday today, and im writing this,

typing it,

reflecting on how it feels,

an anniversary that notices when i first breathed life into this form,

it brings something tender, vulnerable, and sensitive out of me,

i woke up this morning, sat up, checked the time, and closed my eyes,

i sat until it felt i was ready to open eyes, i checked the clock,

20 minutes had passed,

all i saw was who i am, and how that wants to be,

how it already is,

but honestly, how that isness wants to be expressed,

theres so much i want to do,

and yet,

only ever one thing to do, that does all things,

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i remember being a young human,

feeling like i was just overflowing with a world inside of me,

it seemed like my dad was really important to a lot of people,

people showed up to his concerts and they cared about the things he said,

they cheered and applauded ,

i wanted that,

i tried to do it in sports,

and failed,

for the past 10 years,

I’ve really been doing my absolute best at creating meaningful art,

and admit-tingly , it always feels really nice when people care,

when they care enough to pay close attention,

when their attention is on me,

when i am in the center of someones attention,

and they’re absolutely focused on my expression,

performing music on stage,

acting in film,

seeing someone really grasp a tech idea that can be a huge business,

it feels really nice,

to be really seen and heard,

and felt , and noticed, and understood,

i guess i don’t need it,

but i actually do,

i have God’s love pouring through me,

and in many ways, that is the end all be all,

it is enough, but as my sadhana deepened,

i realized it was actually a bizarre western roman catholic christian trauma distortion to act like you don't need attention, or want to be the center of attention, or the center of your own galaxy, .. a star.

the west actually, because of toxic christianity mostly, has developed some kind of weird anti ego - egohood...

its like an ego complex about being anti ego...

like its frowned upon to want the spotlight or something...

but as sadhana deepened, and the Parusharthas unlocked much that was suppressed, ... i ... as i actually am, was unlocked, ... and allowed,

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there, here, is presence, that could go unnoticed by others, for centuries,

but i , rocco, now with integration, noticed,

that i actually need to be noticed,

i sat with this, and observed the reality,

i need it,

its not just a want,

it is a literal need. not just human. but a meta-physical need,

of every soul,

to varying degrees,

some more than others,

karmic structure is just as real as physical skeletal structure,

its about potential , and potential being wasted,,,, is sad,

the All is sad when such occurs,

so,

i need to be noticed,

in my growth and evolution,

it confirms that its happening,

and i only discovered this because i did my best to become invisible,

totally avoided my calling, and that "wanting" to being seen,

heard,

felt,

witnessed,

as a kid on tour, i practiced being invisible,

then in art, i wanted to become invisible so the art was seen, but i didn't get in the way,

but that was all still woven with fear of being seen,

for being seen as being the greatest living thing in existence,

which , i am,

i am literally the greatest living thing in existence,

not stuttering,

clarifying ,

i , am , the , greatest, living , thing , in , existence,

...

and i want, which is predicated on a need,

to be witnessed in that,

witnessed as attention, attention as awareness ,

awareness as love,

of, and for my evolution and expansion,

and not from lack, but from having,

from abundance,

from being, ,

its not just a want,

its an actual human need,

that i acknowledge is sacred, and actually of divine accord,

why else would i be beaming with these desires,

to be seen and heard,

for no reason?

or for the one and only reason.

sat. chit. ananda.

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i remember being backstage, and getting in the way one time,

we were on tour with kiss, and lynyrd skynyrd,

and i got in the way,

these dudes were pushing huge container things on wheels down the hallway, and i think i was walking while playing pokemon on my gameboy... and my dad grabbed my arm tightly,

and in my eyes, told me to never get in the way like that,

always be aware and cognizant of what's happening around me,

so i did,

that wasn't the first time that happened,

but it was the last,

i was never in the way again,

well, there were probably times, but since then i have been keen on not being in the way if i don't have to be,

since then, i love being against a wall,

or in a corner,

so i am able to see everything that is occurring around me,

i love being able to see, everything, clearly,

even in life, if i go days or weeks without being on top of a mountain, or on a big wide open road, it feels like claustrophobia,,, like i need to see evvvvverryyyything around me... its like a clarification of where i am in relationship to everything around me... and what all those things are...

theres this scene in one of the jason bourne movies where he basically flexes as to how aware he is... he's like... theres 3 dudes over there... one just got divorced... 2 are well trained... then there 4 other dudes over there... one likes pickles... etc etc... its like a sherlock holmes thing too... who is another one of my favorite super hero style reference points amongst the all.

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it feels like that's what happened for several years,

i moved to la,

and just disappeared,

i needed to get bearings on who i was in relationship to literally everything else in existence.

i dissolved most the friendships i had from high school, and became a loner, and nocturnal,

i had actual human friends still, but now something changed,

and i was inward almost seemingly more than i was outward,

my friends were people who i didn't even know,

kid cudi, yeshua, tesla, einstein, thelonious monk,

artists, legends, great ones, channels,

and as i became more and more alone,

i became more and more aware of what i wanted to do with my life,

i wanted to channel the infinite into the finite,

and i although i thought i didn't need anyone to notice,

i realized, after a while of no one noticing, i did.

so if you're reading this. thanks.

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the i am witness seamlessly bright in awareness at these words,

as they move through my fingers and appear on the screen,

when i watch them appear on the screen,

it feels like a mirror,

to me,

that’s how it feels,

i had these sensations inside of me,

and they were just sensations,

but not i am typing those feelings,

and they show up as words on the screen,

that’s pretty cool,

i guess that must be what my dad feels when he plays the guitar,

they were just feelings and sensations inside of him,

and then , because he is a master craftsman ,

he is able to become a channel, and fully express himself into that form,

i feel that when i write,

i feel that when im acting, when the camera is on,

or even on stage,

i feel that when im performing a piece of music i really care about,

i feel like i haven’t felt that in a while with music honestly,

it feels like i got away from just being my most ridiculously authentic signal there,

and i wanted to be cool,

cool feels like death sometimes,

sometimes its nice when it happens, but sometimes it just doesnt feel like who i am,

i don’t think I’ve ever felt cool acting,

i don’t feel like like that’s what its for ,

for me,

i love feeling the feeling of completely disappearing, and feeling whatever is that, fully,

and not having an opinion about what the feeling is,

terror, horror, anger, jealously, hatred, pain, sorrow, torment, love, joy, bliss, fun, happy, friction, confusion, lostness,

whatever,

as long as im feeling it fully,

then i call that “perfection”,

i call that “missing out on nothing”

i call that “fully reflective”

im writing a book about it actually,

its called “moon theory”

“missing out on nothing” means nothing is missing,

when nothing is missing everything is perfect,

resistance-less-nes-

the state of no resistance,

wu wet, zero point, crystallinity , buddhic emptiness,

perfectness,

my version of it,

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…

so im sitting here,

writing this,

and noticing what is present for me,

and the other things i would like to be present,

that feel like, because i don’t see them outside of me,

but feel them within me,

they are missing,

but they are only missing from the outside,

they are present on the inside,

and that feels nice to distinguish,

they aren’t actually missing,

they are loading,

so they are coming,

coming into existence,

growing from thought, to feeling, to experiential manifestation,

from the inners of my inner awareness,

to the palpable touchable holographic matrix i access through senses,

that’s basically where im at right now,

nothing is missing,

but i notice what i would like to add to what is present,

i knew this last year too, but it was less accessible ,

less tangible,

as clarity,

:{}|:{}:}|}:}|{:}:}|:}:{|}:}{:{}|:|{|{:{}|:|:|:{}:}:|:{:{|}:|{}:}{:}:|}:|}:{}|:}{:{|:{|}:

last night my mom said that jesus is the only way to God,

that made me sad ,

cuz yeshua literally came to me and said that not true,

he said folks misunderstood his teachings, and ran with em,

he literally said that he is the crystal soul self,

which all are, and so all can get to God,

and his teachings have been horrifically, violently misinterpreted,

he told me this,

and it feels sad sometimes when those closest to me don’t notice who i am,

it feels sad sometimes when it feels like those closest don’t see me,

or , like they haven’t taken the time to realize who and what i am,

that’s okay though, it gives contrast so when there is the feeling of being super heard, seen, felt, and understood, its clearly noticed,

i know who i am,

and amongst all the things pouring through me,

and into the holographic field of reality,

i am glad to be this one,

with the awareness i have,

,,,

enough thoughts for today,

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i phase out of rocco,

rocco’s eyes glaze over,

rocco looks up,

the channel opens like a flower,

we see rocco looking up to us,

we receive him with love,

he asks us,

what else should he write,

what else should he share with those who will read this,

he feels like not that many people will read it,

and so he feels less important,

because he compares himself to others so quickly,

we reassure him that is not appropriate ,

for the time will come ,

when everyone pays attention,

he feels our reassurance,

the reader wonders who is We,

we are rocco’s guardian guides,

yeshua is here,

gautama is here,

arch angel michael is here,

quan yin is here,

thoth is here,

gabriel is here,

st. germain is here,

melchizedek is here,

abraham is here,

ra is here,

we are rocco’s channel prism guardian gateway keepers,

rocco feels slightly scared to share this right now,

and we reassure him it’s okay,

for he is emptying into the infinite,

and dissolving into resolution,

you reading this is a sacred witnessing of a human beings dharmic resolution,

rocco looks up to us with a prayer hand emoji,

we look to him with the same,

this is enough for now,

thanks for reading,

thanks for paying,

thanks for your attention,

thanks for all you are,

ase, aho, amen, amun,

ra,

co,

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docholligay · 3 years

Note

holligay rants/raves: big-name celebrity cooks and how they're perceived by people who don't typically follow cooking celebs

The state of “cooking shows” in general is sad at best and horrifying at worst, anyhow, but how the cooking show is now a game show that has everything to do with gimmick, and nothing to do with the earnest desire to teach technique, or learn technique, is not the subject of this essay, so I won’t go down that trail, but instead down the one of the celebrtiy chef.

If I ask you who your favorite chefs, and it’s Bobby Flay, Cat Cora, Gordon Ramsay, Jamie Oliver, Masaharu Morimoto (The choice when people want to pretend they know a deep cut, or, god forbid, Anthony Bourdain, who I hope enough time has passed since his death that I’m allowed to point out he was so intensely mean-spirited that most of his appeal was built around being an extremely tall attractive white man, not “real.” (As David Chang found out when he, in an utterly annoying fashion, tried to follow in Bourdain’s grating footsteps, only to be told a fat Korean man can’t do that and frankly, THANK FUCK--perhaps Chang can still be saved) I assume you not only can’t cook, but you don’t follow food.

That is not to say that none of these people have enviable technique or good ideas, on the contrary I find myself turning to Jamie Oliver for a number of things, and most of these people have earned their keep in the larger food world before they were celebrities, but they aren’t famous FOR their food any longer, so much as for their personality. I don’t even dislike Bobby Flay, but can you realistically define elements of his style? What would you turn to Bobby Flay for? Are people largely aware that he made his name in Southwest-style cooking anymore?

People think these are “great’ cooks because the network finds them packagable in a way that say, Thomas Keller, Grant Achatz, Clare Smyth, Edward Lee, Elena Arzak, Yotam Ottolenghi, Gabe Rucker etc etc etc never have been, and quite possibly aren’t interested in being, even though, money on the line, I would say all of them are better and quite possibly FAR better than many of the chefs posted above (Gordon Ramsay I’m not sure. His meat technique is so fucking solid, but my point stands) And certainly all of these are more INTERESTING chefs than the ones at the very top. EVen those who had very cutting edge and bright concepts in food have mostly been caught in a lackadaisical haze as a bunch of White Americans looking for a really great macaroni and cheese recipe have become their bread and butter.

And like, get that money girl, but let’s not pretend that having a television show, particularly not one focused on actual cooking technique, means that you are one of the greats, and let’s not act like going to Guy’s American Bar and Whatever is actually a food mecca anymore than going to my own restaurant would be.

Doc, where is the vitriol for Julia Child, for Emeril, et al? Well, you see my little ducklings, the difference here is in the fact that an earlier class of celebrity chef attempted to teach technique. You cannot watch Julia Child and not be a little tempted to try her techniques next time you’re in the kitchen, and I very much appreciate her “we all fuck up” keeping her errors on the air style. Emeril made cooking entertaining, but his show was him, cooking, which is why you’ll hear me have less rage toward the likes of Ina Garten (who has some excellent cookbooks for entertaining) or even Giada DeLaurentis, whose cooking style I don’t care for but at the very least she is cooking.

And it’s not like the cult of personality over skill is a unique problem that the cooking world has, but I’ve watched it get worse and worse over the years to the point where a lot of times, there’s not even real discussions of technical merit when it comes to cooking. It’s all flash and no pan, and I would LOVE to help people get into food, but it involves things most Americans (and most of my followers are American) aren’t willing to do: Read, experiment, go to a restaurant and order something you might not like, cook, all these things that would deepen your experience of food far more than going to Mesa.

Cooking is a skill, and it genuinely does me some sadness to see what could be a really great tool for teaching people how do things gamified or turned into something that people passively experience. Get into your kitchens are try something!

#katrani #Eight Days 2020 #Holligay Rants and Raves

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avmisworld · 4 years

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Jungkook as your boyfriend:

● Y'all know Jungkook is MAJOR bf material

● The cutest bean uwu

● At the start of your relationship he was probably a bit awkward

● The poor guy is so inexperienced he forgot what it's like talking to a girl who isn't doing his makeup lol

● Is scared to do something you won't like so he's always really careful with his words and actions

● Eventually he'll ease into it and become the shameless loving crackhead you know today

● But sometimes he'll still get a little shy

● Whenever he says something too cheesy or makes a cute mistake or you compliment him

● Always has the cutest bunny smile during these moments

● Always puts your needs before his own

● If you're a foreigner, he'll spend hours learning your native language

● Even though you know Korean and you have no problem communicating uwu

● Makes sure you're eating well and sleeping enough

● Even when he's on diets and sleeps two hours a day max :(

● Always insists to help you even if you don't need it

● "Y/N, let me help you"

● "Babe, I'm combing my hair..?"

● Is always ready to tell you how amazing and beautiful you are whenever you get insecure about your body and talents :'(

● Is legitimately confused why you would ever be insecure in the first place

● When he is insecure tho

● You just tell him the harsh truth

● That he's the world's cutest, most talented and golden bunny, and he's precious to ARMY and to his members uwu

● Tells you he loves you at least a hundred times a day just to see you blush and avoid his eyes cutely

● His favorite thing is making you laugh

● Loves it when you make him laugh as well

● He's an hilarious person so he doesn't have to try much to succeed

● Loves to make funny faces at you during one of your fake-serious banters

● You two have a shit ton of private jokes (wtf is funny about a plastic cup????)

● You live on sending each other memes and stupid videos of people falling down stairs lmfao

● You two are severe crackheads oof

● It's very likely to find the two of you awake at 3 am having a dance party or karaoke after too much wine

● Constantly having tickle fights, wrestling matches, pillow fights, what not

● Do not forget that JK is a savage little shit

● And that doesn't change because you are his girlfriend *sigh*

● Teases you about everything and anything

● Places things high up on purpose just so he can show up later with his chest puffed out and take it down for you with a smirk

● "Did I hear a damsel in distress?"

● But makes sure not to take it too far uwu

● This kid is competitive af omg

● A relationship with him means turning everything into some race or bet

● "I bet I can finish this hot dog faster than you"

● "Whoever brushes their teeth faster gets to shower first!"

● You see this a lot when the two of you game as well

● There is no way you can date Jeon Jungkook without playing Overwatch at least once lol

● Video game tournaments

● He wins most of the time but if he'll ever lose it's because he let you smh

● Is competitive also when it comes to other people

● Always has to prove to you that he's the best and that you made the right choice dating him

● Like you would ever doubt that pffft

● Whenever someone impresses you Jungkook would just jump out and be like

● "That's pretty cool, but did you see the new move I learned?" *breaks neck*

● Going to a fun fair would just be you going back home with a truckload of plushies from Jungkook winning in all the booths kfkfkd

● Dates with him are so cute and fun

● He loves taking you out sm

● It doesn't matter if it's movie night, ramen dates, dinner dates, lunch dates, beach dates, amusement park dates, coffee dates, workout dates, study dates, ice-skating dates

● Jungkook's inner child always comes out with you

● Probably because he never really got the time to be a real child :(

● You're the only person aside from his members and family who gets to see the real him

● He's so whipped for you

● Literal heart eyes

● Can't stop staring at you with twinkling eyes and a wide bunny smile

● When you catch him he'll look away and blush but he'll feel satisfied when he sees you blush as well uwu

● He finds everything you do adorable and can't help but send you bashful laughs and affectionate gazes

● even if he won't admit it kkk

● Compliments you all the time

● Compliments about your looks, your outfits, your smallest, most insignificant achievements uwu

● Always notices the small things about you that no one else does

● "Wow, Y/N, these new earrings look so good on you, babe"

● Basically Jungkook loves to spoil you hehe

● Buys you presents all the damn time

● You don't encourage him to do so because you hate feeling like he's your sugar daddy or smth and you aren't with him from his money

● But he just can't help it when he sees something he knows you'll like

● Spends more time shopping for you than for himself

● But it's all worth the gleam of excitement in your eyes when you see his presents

● Even if you playfully slap him and pout

● "I told you to stop wasting money on me!"

● Also makes you his own personal presents uwu

● Usually gives you them before he goes on tour to cheer you up

● Anything from portraits of you he drew secretly, to paintings of beautiful landscapes, to songs he wrote for you, to a collage of pictures you took of you

● Jungkook loves taking pictures and videos of you

● Takes snaps of you secretly cause he knows you're shy uwu

● His camera roll and gallery is entirely filled with pictures of you sleeping, eating, laughing, smiling, staring, talking, etc…

● Plus cute selfies and candid shots of the two of you with huge grins and arms wrapped around each other

● And memey selfies of the two of you that you would literally bury yourself if anyone would find lol

● Also has little, random videos of you just scrolling on your phone or something

● "Y/N, look at mee~~"

● It's really hard when Jungkook leaves for tour for both of you

● Late night video calls almost every day

● Even when Kook is after a concert, with his eyelids sticking to each other like glue π-π

● Calls you half asleep and the two of you just talk about meaningless stuff until one of you falls asleep uwu

● Sends you snaps all day of him and the guys and everything they're doing

● Does it so you'll see he's having fun and staying healthy

● Wants you to do the same so you send him selfies of you and your boring university lifestyle

● He insists that he finds it interesting and that he wants to see your face

● "I can't be deprived of touching you and seeing you! It's too much."

● Doesn't answer texts ever so you mostly communicate through phone/video calls and snaps/memes

● When he comes back from tour you wait for him at the airport

● His face lights up when he sees you and he smiles so wide π-π

● No matter how exhausted he is he runs to you like a lighting bolt

● Hugs you tightly and twirls you around while the other members watch fondly

● One of the few times he'll agree to so much PDA

● Usually he doesn't really like being too touchy in public

● But he always holds your hand just to make sure you're next to him, safe and sound uwu

● Brings you so much souvenirs from his trip abroad to make you feel like you were there with him

● Snow globes, magnets, clothes, key chains, plushies…

● All of it to remind you he thought about you every single day he was away

● When you're together you're so domestic

● If it's making food together, Jungkook teaching you BTS' newest choreo, working out, or even cleaning the house together

● Nothing's boring with Jungkook

● He's a whole different person when you're alone

● Calls you sweet nicknames like "baby", "babe", "jagi", "princess" and "angel"

● He's singing all day so it feels like your constantly stuck in "The Greatest Showman"

● But you can't really complain cause Gukkie's sweet honey voice is your favourite thing to hear

● Sometimes he'll talk to you in songs only to piss you off

● But most of the time he'll sing to you when you can't sleep or when you feel sad or sick

● He'll comb his hands through your hair gently while he sings to you softly *heart-attack*

● Picks you up all the time

● It might be because he loves to prove that he's strong enough to protect you and cherish you

● But also because he loves hearing your shrieks of surprise and soft laughter

● Piggybacks on the street, carrying you bridal style around the house, lifting you up like a baby in his arms when you playfully fight and twirling you around

● Just all the time really

● "Okay, okay, I'm sorry~~ Please let me down"

● Because you live together when he's in Korea you're always stealing his clothes

● He pretends to not like it and demands you to give it back to him

● But if you're ever cold or in the need of some clothing he'll be the first to throw you his wardrobe

● His slightly possessive nature feeds off seeing you all small and soft in his clothes

● It probably turns him on tbh

● Because of this he has a big thing for couple items as well

● Whether it's outfits, phone cases, lockscreens, accessories, and eventually jewelry (like promise rings uwu)

● Brags about you to the members 24/7

● "Look at this picture I took of Y/N when she wasn't looking! Isn't she the prettiest?"

● "Hyung, did you hear that Y/N was voted for best student in her class? Wah, I was really so impressed! She's a genius."

● The members high-key tease him for it and say it's annoying

● But they secretly think it's adorable how happy you make him and adore you so much for it fr

● You getting along with the rest of the members so well makes Jungkook really happy

● Even though he might get too protective sometimes

● Gets jealous often and is horrible at hiding it despite not saying it directly smh

● Watches from afar when you laugh at something Taehyung says, pinching his cheek lightly

● His eyebrows are furrowed and he's tonguing his cheek like he always does when he's jealous

● Eventually he has enough and comes over to you

● Pecks your cheek or pulls you to sit in his lap and tells everyone about the date you have planned for tomorrow

● "So, me and Y/N are planning to go to a picnic tomorrow at Han river…"

● And you're trying so hard not to smile cause he's just being so obvious and you find it cute

● A few time his jealousy leads to fights tho

● Fighting with Jungkook in general is a rare occurrence

● But when you do fight it can get pretty bad

● Rather than shouting or losing his temper, Jungkook tends to shut himself off when the fight is serious

● He stays quiet and talks only when it's necessary

● "Whatever" "Do what you want"

● It's mostly because he's afraid to say something he'll regret later

● He'll probably leave the apartment and go to the gym/studio/dorm room to calm down and clear his head

● Because both of you have big egos, it might take a few days to make up

● If Jungkook's at fault, he will eventually swallow his pride and apologize to you

● If it were the other way around tho

● You're not going to hear a word from him until you admit you were at fault

● No matter how much it'll hurt him to be away from you

● Even after the fight is over it might take a little time for things to go back to how they were

● Because Jungkook's pride and insecurities might get in the way of him approaching you

● But with enough patience you'll be back to being the inseparable couple you were before

● In case you think I forgot

● Skinship is a must in your relationship

● Jungkook loves to cuddle with you

● He's always the big spoon, with his hands underneath your (his) shirt, just gently caressing the skin of your stomach and hips

● Or with you laying on top of his chest, legs tangled together

● A lot of times cuddling leads to heated make out sessions and even more

● When he's troubled or exhausted he likes to nuzzle his head in the junction between your shoulder and neck and just breathe you in

● Tight hugs when you see each other after a while with his hands pressing your face to his chest protectively

● Back hugs are a must obviously

● Creeps up behind you when you're working and scares the frick out of you when he wraps his arms around your waist

● Loves forehead kisses because it's another opportunity to boast about how tall he is smh

● Also cheek kisses, nose kisses, ear kisses, neck kisses, knuckle kisses and lip kisses ofc lol

● Kisses you out of the blue and then pretends like nothing happened

● "Sorry, I couldn't help it"

● Lots of sweet, soft, loving kisses uwu

● Has a thing for nibbling/biting you (mostly your earlobe/bottom lip/fingers)

● Loves giving hickeys oml

● It fits his possessive nature perfectly

● The more people know you belong to him, the better

● Loves when you sit in his lap skdjd

● He wraps his arms around your stomach and pulls you closer so he can place his chin on your shoulder, occasionally leaving butterfly kisses all over your neck and shoulders

● Also into cuter things like poking your cheeks when you do something cute, ruffling your hair, tickling you and pinching your cheeks and bopping your nose.

● When it comes to bed, Jungkook is definitely a dom

● Just like he is on stage kdkck

● Puts your pleasure before his own and makes sure you're a 10474859% with whatever he's doing beforehand

● Sex after a fight or after he gets jealous and needs to remind himself you're only his

● Dirty talk ahhhh

● He can also be soft tho

● Like when he's making love to you omg my hearteu

● Whispering praises and sweet words in your ear

● Staring into your eyes with his dark, intense ones

● Moans alot and likes it when you do too

● Occasionally he lets you have the upper hand

● Doesn't spend too much time on aftercare because he wants to go back to holding you as quickly as possible

● The two of you fall asleep naked with your bodies completely tangled together

● Also likes showering with you

● less in a sexual way and more as another opportunity to pamper you

● Scrubs you carefully and puts shampoo for you

● Uses soap foam to grow you a fake beard this boi srsly

● Basically he loves you like no one else and you're destined to be

● The best boi there is <3

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buck-nialled · 4 years

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Empty Pages - R. Mendes (1)

NOTE: @fanficshawn @mendesficsxbombay @lonelyreputation @shawn-youth this is for all of you and your ask for a continuation! this also might be a series now? and i also might do a tag list so if you like where this is heading let me know, and also if you want to be added to the taglist okay thanks i hope you guys like this!!! prologue

SEVEN YEARS LATER

Raul would not dare to even touch a colored pencil, or crayon, or anything alike following that horrid day in fourth grade. It would be weeks later, on the bus ride to their local zoo for a field trip that Isabella and Connor would be seen holding hands by their peers, who would talk about it the entire day and inevitably crush Raul’s heart. Not obtaining his muse, and even more so, the lack of passion the boy suffered through his elementary and middle school years made any art class a challenge. His fourth-grade art teacher took note of his downturned lips and hasty scribbles immediately during Raul’s next art class. His work failed to incorporate everything that made it superior to his classmates; attention to detail, the shading, and shadows, the correct proportions, etc. The teacher held Raul after class to question him. She was flabbergasted as to how his work had morphed into something below average in twenty-four hours but was given no answer on Raul’s end other than a shrug.

He observed his inconsistent lines and was not proud of them. But Raul knew it would save him a repeat of what happened with Connor and Isabella and decided that was enough reason to quit. Nobody paid attention to his longing stares each time his mother passed a mural on one of the city's buildings, or how he found himself lost in the arts and crafts aisle with each visit to the grocery store he tagged alongside his mother to. He would deny any assumptions made that his love of art truly never died out because it was still very much something the boy adored. However, Raul did try many things to extinguish the evidence of such, like picking up wooden acoustic in his fifth-grade music class. However, by the second chord Shawn tried teaching him, he turned impatient and nearly smashed the guitar had it not been for Shawn's frantic hands aiding him to set it down with care back into its stand. He recounts a time in his sixth year, where Peter tried helping him study for their upcoming quiz on the metric system:

“Come on it’s simple, remember the acronym,” Peter instructs, looking at Raul. He turned away from the textbook with a nod, recounting the word trick taught to them earlier that week.

“King Henry died by drinking chocolate milk.” He recited verbatim, earning an enthusiastic grin from his brother.

“Right! So, there are kilos, then?”

“Hectas.” Peter hums, urging Raul to continue down the list. “Then…decis?”

“Decas.” Peter sighs, eyes shutting tightly in disdain through his bifocals. “Decis is later, after base and before centis.” The younger reminds.

“Right.”

Raul made a mental note that night to not pursue a career as a chemist. He began trying out for sports and found that the hand-eye coordination skills he developed from years of video games had not followed him onto the basketball court, nor baseball field.

But by eleventh grade, a couple of things had changed.

The summer leading up to school, Raul invested in a wardrobe change. The standard style he had held before was slid into the back of his closet and swapped for a leather jacket, some dark washed jeans and as many neutral-toned tee shirts, his allowance could swing him. Walking into school the first day, Shawn and Peter were still in awe leaving the same car as him. Whispers were multiplying in the hallway with each step he took to his assigned locker, a smirk donned on his lips. Passing by the lockers lining the walls, he shoots a wink to a group of sophomore girls, sharing hushed whispers and squeals over how well his arms filled out the dark leather.

Raul turned into a bit of a health junkie over the three-month break. The determination to bulk up and match the physique to his threatening attire drove him out of bed and to the weights each day. As much as he would like to claim that it was to make him feel good, that was far from the truth.

As he found himself adjacent to the junior lockers, he halted in his steps. The quirk on the corner of his pierced lip (that was also a new addition) disappeared within seconds upon the sight of Isabella, tugging on Connor’s hoodie strings and giggling flirtatiously while staring into his eyes. Raul pivots, now face-to-face with his two younger brothers, who had been trailing behind his confident steps slow and with caution.

“What the hell? I thought you said they broke up, like, two weeks ago?” Raul mutters furiously, a fire ablaze in his eyes as he stared down Shawn.

“That’s what Brian told me,” Shawn shrugs. “They must have worked things out,” he chuckles apprehensively.

“We shouldn’t be surprised. They’ve been on and off for years now.” Peter cuts in.

But this was the year she was going to be mine, Raul thinks. He did not have too much time to ponder over this new information, though. Not too long after he was caught dumbstruck, he and his brothers turned their head to an office door opening nearby.

“Mendes!” He locks eyes with the older man, adorned in a plaid shirt and tie. “I’ve been looking for you.”

Mr. Newman would happen to be on the list of things recently added to Raul’s routine. But weekly meetings with the school’s guidance counselor was not a voluntary decision by any means. The boy still does not understand how his mother guilt-tripped him so easily to attend these chit-chats with a man he barely knew all because of this “phase” (as his mother labels it) he was suffering.

“Why don’t you step into my office?” Avoiding any wandering eyes—mostly Isabella’s shimmering, emerald pair—he obeys Mr. Newman’s request and follow’s the counselor’s motioning arm. He settled into the chair sat across from Mr. Newman’s desk and already regretted his decision to do so when he hears the door click behind him.

“So, tell me how your summer was.” The man takes a seat across from Raul, behind his mahogany desk holding a plaque with his name inscribed into it.

“Fine.” He shrugs.

“You look different.” Raul raises his eyebrows. “Did you get a new haircut…or closet?” The man muses with a smile. Raul’s expression, however, is unchanging.

“Look,” Mr. Newman brought his chair closer, tucking his legs beneath the desk. He folds his arms over one another and lays it against the wood, “I know this is strange to be talking to some older guy who you don’t know all that well…this is just for your mother’s sake, okay? Just do it for her. You don’t even need to say too much! I’m just here for your well-being and as a mentor, if you need advice on anything.”

“So…I don’t really have to tell you anything, then?” Raul ganders.

“Well, it’s nice to open up to adult figures in your life. Believe it or not, I’ve experienced a lot of the same things when I was your age. That being said, if you don’t feel comfortable you don’t have to—”

“Oh, sweet! Thanks, Mr. Newman!” Raul hurries, swinging his backpack over one of his shoulders and bustling out of his office. He barely catches the sigh leaving Mr. Newman’s mouth, and his mumbled, “good chat.”

Strangely, Raul gained his confident stride back amidst his walk to first period English. A year ago, he probably would have been offended by Mr. Newman’s off-guard expression to his clothes. But he admits now that shocking those around him was much more exciting than he pictured. Nobody expected Raul to walk out of his house looking like this today. They were expecting him to wear the same worn jeans and graphic tee shirts now lining his closet floors. If anybody remembered his lanky figure of sophomore year's past, his defined biceps and triceps were surely a sight to see now. Maybe this element of surprise Raul was building could keep him satisfied, just for a little while.

Maybe it would catch the attention of more than just the sophomore girls at the lockers. This charade could end with Isabella wrapped up in his arms and playing with his jacket in front of Connor. This was his new passion, nevermind that his muse had never changed. He had yet to figure that part out.

Right as the bell clanged and echoed throughout the halls, Raul’s foot planted itself on the floor of his English 3 class.

“Raul Mendes,” his English teacher’s eyes narrow, flicking between him and the attendance sheet, “it would have been disappointing to mark you tardy your first day back, but not surprising.” She comments, tone remaining tepid.

“Oh, haven’t you heard?” Raul chuckles, sliding his form into one of the desks in the back row. “Something’s different about me this year.”

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