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spamgyu · 28 days

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Biggest Regret // Mingyu Oneshot

DESCRIPTION: Mingyu had many regrets in life, he had made many mistakes... ruining the best thing to happen to him, since joining Seventeen, was his biggest one. PARING: Mingyu x Reader GENRE: Angst WARNING: Cheating

You knew there was someone else.

You could feel it.

He had pulled away – no longer swooping down to capture your lips in the middle of a sentence, he no longer texted you sweet words through out the day while he was overseas, his free time was no longer spent with you.

You could see it.

You watched as the eyes that once held the stars grow dim; he looked at you as if you were nothing but a stranger. He no longer looked at you with those soft eyes as you pretended to not feel his gaze; hell, he rarely looked over at you.

He was always far too preoccupied with his phone. Preoccupied with her.

You could smell it.

Her lingering scent of sweet vanilla hanging on to his clothes as he strolled into your apartment – it had completely masked your once favorite cologne of his. There hadn't been a day in the past four months that she didn't linger, and he didn't even bother hiding it.

As if you were too stupid to notice.

More importantly, you heard it.

The soft hum of his voice had gone; speaking to you as if you weren't the girl he had promised forever with. He no longer told you he loved you throughout the day unless you were the first one to utter those three words – and even then, he never did say all three of the words.

"You too."

He was stupid to think you didn't know but you were even stupider for sticking around this long.

You thought it was just a minor bump in the road, being blinded by the love you have for him. You chose to turn an eye on the infidelity you had caught on to immediately; wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt.

But as one month turned into four, your lack of reaction had given your boyfriend the confidence to keep the deceitful act going – almost as if he wanted to get caught.

Her presence was once something you only knew through his actions, but she had become quite bold just as him.

It was one of the quite rare occasions where he decided to spend his days off with you, inviting you over to his shared living space for dinner and a movie. You didn't know what it was, maybe it was the universe or your gut feeling, but something told you to go into his room while he was busy in the kitchen – using an excuse of wanting to borrow one of his hoodies.

That feeling was right.

You didn't need to go digging for any clues, it was right there in plain sight.

Sitting atop his desk was a stack of dainty gold bracelets.

You wore silver jewelry and haven't been at his place in nearly a month.

All sorts of scenarios played in your head as to how this had come to be, but one specific one fought its way to the top – the one where it required her to not only shed the jewelry she wore for the day, but her clothes as well.

You felt sick to your stomach at the thought of her taking space on the side of your bed; marking her territory.

You knew he was being unfaithful to you, but seeing the evidence of it was different – bringing a new sense of pain. This one was crippling, feeling your knees wanting to give out from under you as you tried to process the grief that you had been trying your best to push back over the past few months.

You had always told yourself that the second you physically saw evidence of her, you would walk away – the time had finally come. She had set up camp in the heart that you once resided in and by the looks of it, she wasn't planning on leaving.

Taking your bottom lip in-between your teeth to stop it from quivering, you reached for the clasp of the beaded Tiffany bracelet around your wrist – the one he had purchased for you when he had asked you to be officially his.

"The day these beads fall off, is the day I stop loving you." Mingyu laughed softly as he helped you put the silver jewelry on.

Both the beads and double linked chain it had been threaded through were sterling silver, there was no way they were coming off.

There hadn't been a day since receiving it that you did not wear it, and it still stayed intact; a stark contrast to the love he said he would have for you.

You walked over to the desk and placed the item he had used to profess his loyalty to you right next to hers; taking in a deep breathe to regain your composure before walking right back out to finally meet your inevitable fate.

You watched him silently one last time, taking in how beautifully he had grown in the four years you two had been together – right before you pulled the plug he had been too much of a coward to do himself.

"I'm tired." Your cold voice took not only him by surprise, but you as well.

Maybe you were an even better actor than you thought yourself to be.

Looking up from the meal he had just finished plating, Mingyu sent over a pout. "Dinner is ready, though."

You shook your head.

He thought you meant physically.

"No, Mingyu– I'm tired." You repeated. "I– let's end this. I thought I can handle dating you but– I can't take the busy schedule anymore. I need someone who I can see more than once every two weeks."

It was a shitty excuse, you both knew you could handle it perfectly well – you two have been separated for far longer when he would do his overseas tour.

But you couldn't bring yourself to confront him of the sin he had committed; not when you can't even bring yourself to accept it in the first place.

"He- hey." He rushed over to you, brows furrowed in confusion. "What– where is this coming from?"

In his defense, this did seem as if it was being sprung out of nowhere – there had been no signs of your uncertainty.

Not a single one.

Just before you had walked into his room, you two had been discussing the upcoming weekend trip you would be joining with his family. Going as far as discussing the plans you had made with his sister and mother while he and his father were golfing.

"I was going to do it after the trip." Another lie. "But– I can't do that to your family."

"Y/n." He scanned your face, trying to show any hints of a possible prank. "Come on."

But your eyes remained staring off behind him; focusing on the silver knob of the white cabinets. You couldn't look him in the eye as you began to tear down the only world you have known in the past four years.

Not when he should have been the one to end it months ago.

"I loved you." You continued.

"Loved?"

"Thank you for everything, Mingyu– I really did cherish my time with you."

"Baby," He tried to reach for your wrist but something else had caught his eye – or at least, the lack of it. "Where's–"

Bringing your arm back, behind yourself, you took a step back from him. "Don't make this harder than it needs to be."

"How can I when– when I don't even know where this is coming from?" Mingyu exasperated, hesitantly taking a step towards you.

"Goodbye, Mingyu."

"Stop calling me that!" He cried, closing his eyes – as if things would be any better if he did.

Swallowing the pain that had grown to the size of a golfball in your throat, you turned your back from him – heading to the couch where you had placed your purse.

"So that's just it?" He called out as you continued to prepare yourself from walking out of the love you could have sworn that would have lasted forever.

You remained silent until you reached the front door; ignoring his eyes that were practically burning a hole into your skin.

"Don't do this." You could hear the tears in his voice as you twisted the handle.

"I'm sorry." You whispered before quickly exiting the apartment – the tears you had done so well keeping in had now came rushing down.

By the time you had stepped foot in the elevator, your knees had giving out on you – using the railing to stop you from collapsing on to the floor as the sobs echoed throughout the walls of the confined space.

The end had come and it was far more painful than you had thought it would be.

・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．

When you had walked out on him that spring night a year and a half ago, Mingyu felt nothing but lost – unable to fully comprehend as to why the relationship he had been in for the past four years had suddenly come to an end.

You had not once complained about his schedule since being together, it didn't make sense as to why it had been the reason you had used to walk away from him.

It wasn't until he had walked into his bedroom when it clicked – the silver bracelet he had asked about sitting right next to the the evidence of his crimes.

The crimes he had finally put an end to after being caught by his best friend just days ago – talking, yelling, some senses into him.

But it was far too late, and he knew what he had done was unforgivable; there was no use in running after you. Not when you knew about all that he had done.

He knew there were no words, no actions, no grand gesture he would have done that could win you back. And you deserved to walk away from the pain he had brought you, you deserved better.

You deserved someone who respected you.

There wasn't a single day he didn't beat himself up for what he had done to you, allowing for the constant nightmare to haunt his every actions.

Mingyu didn't care how much he was breaking as each day passed, he knew he deserved it – long as he knew you were okay. You deserved the happiness you were experiencing now; at least, the happiness he had seen through your social media posts.

He didn't dare to move on from you, subjecting himself to the sentencing that could have been avoided if he hadn't given in to his selfish needs. It was all his fault and he had no issues owning up to it; his contributions to all their new songs seemingly relating back to you.

His words that were once empty, relating to not a single pain his friend's experience, now carried the weight of his past. Mingyu didn't try to hide it either, being quite vocal of, his mistakes when asked about their songs – which he seemed to have been credited quite often than before.

Fiddling with the silver beads around his wrist as he focused on the journalist in front of him. Mingyu tried his best to gather the words in his head to answer the question asked.

"What's your biggest regret?"

Unlike other magazine spreads he had been featured in before, this one didn't purely focus on looks or a brand deal – no, this was was feature was in the intention of stripping away mask artists put on. It was the magazine's way of showing the people idolized by the public were human as well.

"We can skip the question." The young man chuckled nervously.

"No- no it's okay." Mingyu shook his head, shaking away the image of you in his head. "I– Hm... I think I've been in the industry long enough to talk about relationships, right? I– I was with this person for some quite some time, and I– I let my weaknesses get to me. I let it ruin the one thing, no– I let it ruin the person that loved me like I was their whole world. I took their trust and their love for me for granted. I think–"

He let out a pitiful laugh as he felt the tears well up – he shouldn't be the one crying. Not when he was the one that put himself in the situation he was in.

"I think," Mingyu's fingers reaching for the jewelry he had not taken off since that night he had discovered it sitting on his wooden desk – a habit he seemed to have developed when he felt that he needed to ground himself back on to earth. "I think I will forever have my regrets about this one mistake."

PERMANENT TAGLIST

@thegirlwhoimagined @forcheol @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken @f4iryjjosh @akeminy @yonabutnotyuna @tacosandbitch @aaniag @bettybotterboughtabitofbutter @xbaekcult @alwaysalmostthere @ashkuuuu @morkswatermelonnnn @isabellah29 @lottogyu @bubbly-moon @lllucere @bo-fairykim @pluviophile-xxx @daegutowns @niktwazny303 @fragmentof-indifference @leah-rose03 @haolistic @eclliipsed @joshuahongnumbers @gyuguys @yaaaridk @christinewithluv @yoonzinoooo @livelikejinki @watercolureyes @whoa-jo @primoisellerose @wonwoobestboyy @rakshithanotrao @mingcouper @aksweet7 @nikkell @raginghellfire @kriizztin @doubleshoticedshakenespresso

(for some reason it's not allowing me to tag some who wanted to be added to the perm tag list ... cries... pls check ur settings so i can for future posts)

#......... heyyy..... how yall doing.... haha #dont hate me #tbh this is mid compared to the cheol fic #so YALL BETTER NOT ATTACK ME #anyways #mingyu angst #mingyu x you #mingyu fic #mingyu x reader #mingyu scenarios #seventeen fic #mingyu x oc

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heartlilith · 6 months

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Self Care

Self Care for the signs; use your moon sign & house placement (transit moon and house placement work as well, you can even use your venus sign if you're feeling up to it)

*TW: mental health disorders are talked about throughout

ARIES MOON/ARIES VENUS/1H MOON/1H VENUS: For these natives, I imagine a lot of energy swirling around the head and face. Stress can lead to overthinking, headaches, acne breakouts, and in more serious cases; vertigo, migraines, and hair loss. Exercise can really help these placements dispense of all the extra energy. It doesn't have to be something intense like body building or running miles (although it can be), it can be as simple as walking in nature or playing a sport with friends. Playing catch with your dog or playing a game of basketball. Other than exercise, Aries and 1st house placements can benefit from a spa day; whether at an actual spa or at home doing a skin care routine and a face mask. Guided meditation is great for these placements too in order to quiet the mind chatter. One last simple thing these natives can practice is turning off their phone for an hour a day; they're so involved in the world around them and sometimes that's a good thing but other times it can be very draining. Tune out the world and tune into your body.

TAURUS MOON/TAURUS VENUS/2H MOON/2H VENUS: Stressed out Taurus and 2nd house placements can struggle with their self esteem whether that shows up as arrogance or insecurity (Moon and Venus here can signify fluctuating self esteem). They also tend to hold a lot of stress in their shoulders creating soreness or even bad posture. Extreme stress can cause these natives to either withhold or indulge in things; usually in terms of food, money, or material possessions. This can lead to disordered eating, stinginess, overspending or possessiveness over their belongings, they do this to feel a sense of control in the midst of chaos. Taurus/2nd house placements would benefit from a massage either at a spa or from a loved one. Since the 2nd house rules over material possessions it's important for these people to reconnect with their element; Earth. Connecting with the Earth can look like gardening or caring for house plants, playing with animals, a simple walk outside, or nourishing their body with fresh fruits and vegetables. Since the 2nd house and Venus rules all things pleasurable, playing up the senses can really benefit these natives. Soft blankets, nice smelling candles or aromatherapy, listening to relaxing music, eating sweets or drinking warm tea are all things these placements can do to relax.

GEMINI MOON/GEMINI VENUS/3H MOON/3H VENUS: Gemini and 3rd house placements are very efficient people, normally. They are great multitaskers and great socializers. Stress with these placements usually shows up mentally at first then it starts to effect them physically. Their body is directly effected by their emotions, like Virgo. Stress can show up as restlessness, anxiety, shakiness or in more serious cases; anxiety attacks, becoming withdrawn, and dermatillomania (Gemini rules hands). In order for these natives to relax, they must take their air energy and create something tangible with it. Journaling is a great way to do this, also painting or blogging. Since Gemini rules the hands, a lot of stress can be relieved by keeping them busy. Knitting, crocheting, video games, playing instruments (double points if these activities connect the brain and hands in some way). Gemini and 3h placements would also benefit from breathing exercises, reading nonfiction books (Geminis love to learn), or even just venting about their problems to a trusted friend.

CANCER MOON/CANCER VENUS/4H MOON/4H VENUS: For people with Cancer or 4th house placements, stress can show up primarily through emotions (surprising I know). Cancer feels all the feels, good or bad. Stress can show up and create sadness, anger, anxiety, pessimistic behavior and being on edge. In worse cases; depression, an anxiety disorder, and rumination. In terms of self care, it's important for Cancer/4th house placements to get in touch with their inner child. This can be achieved by spending time with children, looking back at photos with happy memories, blowing bubbles, watching their favorite children's movie or eating their favorite meal growing up. Since the 4th house also rules family, spending time with blood or chosen relatives is important too (even pets!). Since Cancer is a water sign, taking a bath and staying hydrated are great forms of self care for these individuals. To cater to their nurturing side, taking care of someone else (a relative, loved one, a pet, even a plant) can help them forget their own problems which is great but if this is the only thing they do it can create a habit of avoidance to their own problems. One last thing Cancer/4th house placements can do for self care is cook themselves a hardy meal since Cancer rules the stomach and because, well, they deserve it.

LEO MOON/LEO VENUS/5H MOON/5H VENUS: For Leo and 5th house natives, stress can show up and drain these peoples' sunny disposition; like clouds covering the Sun. Stress can lead to them becoming uninspired, unmotivated, lazy and even bitter. In more extreme cases, Leo/5th house placements can slip into depression, ice out loved ones and hobbies, and become unsure of themselves - which leads to a lowering of self esteem and makes them second guess who they are. High blood pressure and heart palpitations isn't uncommon when these people deal with extreme stress over a long period of time. In order to relieve this stress, Leo/5th house placements can benefit from acupuncture or cupping (Leo rules the back and spine), a massage, or even reiki as a form of self care in order to move their stagnant energy around. Exploring somewhere new, going to an art museum, or going out with friends to a party or out to eat can inspire these natives and get them motivated to create again. Other forms of self care for Leo/5th house placements is reciting affirmations in the mirror daily, affirmations they know to be true about themselves. Pampering themselves in some way can boost their self esteem; whether that be getting their hair done, going shopping, or treating themselves to their favorite meal. Practicing self care for these natives is extremely important in order to keep their sun shining.

VIRGO MOON/VIRGO VENUS/6H MOON/6H VENUS: Virgo, virgo, virgo, always worrying your pretty little head off. I can say this btw I'm a Virgo moon and know this all too well. This goes for 6th House placements too, they are the busy bodies of the zodiac. Like Gemini and 3rd house placements, Virgo and 6th house placements feel stress mentally first and then physically. Stress can make them physically ill; stomach aches especially. When these natives are stressed, it shows up physically as digestive issues, stomach aches, disordered eating and even skin picking (dermatillomania). Mentally, these people can become cold and short with others. Virgo and 6th house placements can also become reactive to situations and look at things quite negatively. In my opinion, it's hard for Virgos and 6th house placements to get in the habit of self care since they are very sacrificial and put people before themselves. They also have a million and one things to do and want to get them done or else they can't relax. Self care for these people should be activities where they can unwind while still feeling productive. Exercise in any form is great for these natives because they love health and wellness. Yoga in all forms is PERFECT for Virgo/6th house placements since they're the epitome of mind, body, and soul (what effects their mind, effects their body, and then effects their soul). One last self care activity for these people is reading a book. Learning and relaxing? A Virgo/6th house placement's DREAM.

LIBRA MOON/LIBRA VENUS/7H MOON/7H VENUS: Libra and 7th house placements become stressed when things aren't harmonious. Relationships, work, their health - if it's not balanced, they really feel it. Stress for these people can show up as acne breakouts, becoming unmotivated, neglecting their physical appearance, and passive aggressiveness. In more extreme cases, these individuals can isolate themselves, be on the verge of tears all the time, and become volatile. Self care comes in the form of facials, baths, getting dressed up for a date. Libra/7th house placements want to look and feel good. Buying gifts for themselves or receiving gifts (big or small); especially clothes, makeup, skincare products, hair care, jewelry, candles, etc. Like Taurus/2nd house placements, they like things that satisfying their senses. Other forms of self care for these natives are spending time or talking one-on-one with a friend, family member, or partner whether that's for receiving advice, venting, or simply distracting them from their issues.

SCORPIO MOON/SCORPIO VENUS/8H MOON/8H VENUS: Scorpio/8th house placements feel stressed when they're lacking connection; emotional, physical, mental or spiritual. They might not like to admit it but they need a shoulder to cry on too. These people are also prone to mood swings so sometimes it's hard to pinpoint why they're feeling the way they do. These natives feel emotions strongly, just like the other water signs and house placements. Stress can show up as a low libido, dark eye circles from lack of sleep, and anger that comes on fast. In more extreme cases, they can experience depression, intrusive thoughts, and develop phobias. In order for Scorpio/8th house natives to relax, they need to channel their emotional energy. This can be hard, especially because sometimes they don't even know what's wrong or what exactly is stressing them out. Writing, painting, sculpting, any form of art is extremely beneficial to these people because even if they can't put a finger on why they're feeling a certain way, they can still express it in other ways. Other forms of self care can include taking a shower, swimming, taking a bath - anything that connects them back to their element. Having sex, reinventing themselves through dying their hair or changing up their wardrobe, and even witchcraft can help them incredibly. Diving into taboos and embracing them can do wonders for these people.

SAGITTARIUS MOON/SAGITTARIUS VENUS/9H MOON/9H VENUS: Do Sag placements even get stressed out..? Just kidding of course they do! These natives become stressed when they feel trapped, bored, and stagnant. You can always tell when they feel a certain way because they will tell you, bluntly and unapologetically. Sagittarius/9th house placement's symptoms of stress is restlessness, becoming impulsive, and being straight up mean. These placements need stimulation and will do things, good or bad, to get it. Self care comes in forms of traveling, learning, and winning. Whether down the street or to a different country, these natives benefit from exploring somewhere new. To them self care is indulging in their wants, and they WANT to explore new places and learn new things. Eating their favorite country's cuisine, going to a new place (a store or a park or a vacation), or reading a book are all forms of self care for them. Sagittarius/9th house placements would even benefit from planning a vacation even if they never take it. Other forms of self care for these individuals is playing board games or sports with friends, gambling (in moderation), eating good food, having a few drinks, throwing a party. They need to indulge, just a little bit.

CAPRICORN MOON/CAPRICORN VENUS/10H MOON/10H VENUS: These natives will never let you know that they're stressed out because they can handle it, they can handle anything and everything all the time, right? NO, but they want to be able to which creates more stress - they literally stress about stress. For them, stress can show up as feeling tightness and soreness in their body, lack of sleep, and disordered eating from trying to gain a sense of control. In extreme cases they will throw themselves into work because they can't feel the stress if they're distracted... this leads to endless problems which, guess what... leads to MORE STRESS. Capricorns/10h placements, take a day off. The world will still go on if you rest. Other than that, these natives benefit from stretching, yoga, meditation, a nice hot bath or shower. They need to slow their roll. One self care activity that benefits them the most is laughing; funny movies, seeing a comedy show, playing with their kids or telling funny stories are all things that can remind them that play is just as important as work. Have fun you guys, you deserve it the most.

AQUARIUS MOON/AQUARIUS VENUS/11H MOON/11H VENUS: Similar to Capricorn/10th house placements, you guys have a good poker face when it comes to being stressed out. What's different though is that instead of throwing yourself into work, you fake a smile until you're all alone... that's when the symptoms of stress take over. Anxiety, loneliness, sadness are all things these people experience when stressed out. They have plenty of friends and support systems but no really gets them, at least that's how they feel. In extreme cases, Aquarius/11th house placements can experience depression, depersonalization, and feeling more and more alienated and different than everyone else. Self care for these people includes meditation, journaling, walking barefoot outside, even hugging a damn tree - anything that pulls them back down to Earth. Planning a day with friends or loved ones to do something spontaneous or adventurous can really help these people. They need to get out of the "box" they put themselves in. Other forms of self care include things that are wild, fun, and get the blood pumping; playing paintball, video games, snowball/water balloon fight, pranks, partying and letting loose with your friends, and creating silly YouTube videos. The best self care for them is connecting with like minded people and having stimulating conversations or doing things that are crazy and silly.

PISCES MOON/PISCES VENUS/12H MOON/12H VENUS: When these natives feel stress, like Cancer/4th house placements, it comes in the form of emotions. Sadness, passive aggressiveness, and even shutting down emotionally in order to not feel anything at all. Pisces/12th house placements feel things so strongly and on every level - so for them, it's better to shut the emotions off because that's easier than dealing with it head on. But, those suppressed feelings will always come back to bite them. Stress shows up as lack of faith and trust, the inability to focus and stop daydreaming, and mood swings. Since the 12th house rules the subconscious mind, sometimes they don't realize why they feel stressed or unbalanced, like Scorpio/8th house placements. These individuals benefit from swimming, visiting a body of water, jumping in a puddle, or even going outside to feel the rain in order to reconnect with their element. Anything art; painting, sculpting, knitting, singing, creating is probably the best thing they can do to channel emotions. I always joke and say Pisces/12th house placements love "old lady activities" but I think it's true. Knitting, playing bingo, spending time with children, baking are all things that can really help them. Other than that, self care for these natives can be as simple as taking a nap to tune out the world. Or giving yourself alone time in a judgmental free place to do what you want. I think the theme here is to tune out the world and tune into yourself, however you can achieve that.

*Note: No placement in astrology is exempt from experiencing mental health disorders, just because I didn't mention it for every sign doesn't mean it can't happen to them, it can. If anyone ever needs someone to talk to, my ask box is always open.

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training4theapocalypse · 9 months

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Never Been Kissed (Adrian Chase x fem!reader)

Rating: Explicit - 18+ only

Word Count: 7.3k

Warnings: SMUT, Second chance romance, Canon typical descriptions of murder and violence, Oral (fem receiving), P in V, Safe sex (male condom), Multiple orgasms

Summary: You're a PI who joins the 11th Street Kids after a chance meeting with John Economos on the dark web. Unfortunately for you, your ex-friend-with-benefits Vigilante is here too. (Based on this ask by anon)

A/N: This took a hot minute. The M&Ms were originally cigarettes but these days I'm a healthy queen free of nicotine -purr.

Masterlist

Join my tag list: @likeficsinthewnd, @she-wolf09231982, @pretendfan, @lolitstiana, @countlambula, @chiaraanatra, @stainedpomegranatelips, @navs-bhat, @ohnoitsrosie, @daisydark, @angrydragon90, @intense-sneezing

Chapter text:

The dim fire exit sign outside the back of the abandoned video store flickers as you suck a peanut M&M between your tongue and the roof of your mouth anxiously. You hope your contact hurries the fuck up - if he makes you wait any longer you’ll finish an entire party bag from nervousness.

It was stupid, really, even reckless, to meet a stranger from the dark web. But when some guy called TechConomos_11 had responded to you in a chat room where you were discussing the intel you had on some sinister goings-on in Evergreen, you knew you had to meet him and his team.

Because you’ll be damned if anyone catches the escaped gorilla before you.

There’s a clink of a padlock and chain falling to the floor, the sound of a heavy emergency exit bar being pushed down and when the door opens you’re face to face with a large, bearded man wearing glasses.

“Are you the PI?”

If you had to draw a sketch of what you thought a guy you met on the dark web would look like, he would be it. Not a neckbeard, exactly, just someone with the distinct aura of having too much time spent in front of a screen.

You nod. “TechConomos?”

“Call me John. Come inside - the team’s all here.”

You shove the half-empty pack of M&Ms into your bag and he leads you through to the back office.

“This is Murn, Harcourt and Adebayo.” He gestures to his three associates sitting in the office who each acknowledge you in turn. “And these guys-”

“Fuck it! Fuck, fuck fuck!”

The yelling draws your attention to the window separating the office from the rest of the video store and it’s like a knife in your gut when you see him.

Vigilante.

“Ugh, fuck! It hurts to walk!” Vigilante whines as he limps around. He turns to pace some more but stops in his tracks in alarm when he sees you. He immediately dives to the floor, launching himself behind a desk in a futile attempt to hide.

Vigilante is the last person you expected to - or wanted to - see here. It’s not his usual MO - normally he’d be out hunting thugs and drug dealers. What was he doing caught up in this operation with some tech guy and a team who you suspected were either current or former soldiers?

There’s a roaring laugh and your eyes find Peacemaker, doubled over in his chair, laughing like an idiot at Vigilante sprawled on the ground.

That explains Vigilante’s involvement. Looks like his idol, Peacemaker, is finally out of prison and the first thing he does is rope Vigilante into whatever this is. The whole thing stinks. Why is there an entire team with two capes looking for an escaped zoo animal? Any why did one of those capes have to be Vigilante?

You close your eyes and groan. “You didn’t tell me you were working with them.”

“You know each other?” asks Harcourt.

“Just Vigilante.” You sigh and follow them into the video store.

“Hey, asshole,” you say, peering over the desk Vigilante is hidden behind. He looks up at you and props his masked head up on his arm casually as if you didn’t just see him throw himself there a second ago.

“Oh, hey!” he says, feigning pleasant surprise.

“Why are you on the floor?”

“I hurt my pinky toe.”

“Yeah? Which one?” You walk around the desk and stand at his feet to get a better look.

“Nononono! Wait!”

You clock the way his visor-covered eyes dart down to his right foot in panic.

“Woah, did you think I was gonna kick you or something?” Sure, you have beef but you’re kind of offended he’d think that you’d harm him on purpose.

“No…” he mumbles sheepishly.

“Asshole.” You roll your eyes and sit on the hard wooden surface, turning away from him to face the team.

“Who the fuck is this?” Peacemaker asks Murn before looking between you and Vigilante. “Do you two know each other or something?”

You don’t deign to reply.

There’s a squeak of a chair being dragged on linoleum as Vigilante pulls himself up onto a seat next to Peacemaker with a wince.

“Economos says you want to join the team,” says Murn.

“That’s right.”

“Why?”

“I know everything that goes on in Evergreen.”

“And?”

“I have information and skills that I want money for. Obviously.”

“How much?”

You were talking about splitting the reward for the gorilla but Murn’s expectant look makes it clear this is a contract. What’s that saying again? A contract in the hand is worth a gorilla in the bush? … Something like that.

“Well, what are you paying him?” You cast your eyes at Vigilante who shrugs. Unbelievable. “They’re not paying you? Idiot.”

Murn and Harcourt glance at each other awkwardly. “This is strictly off the books,” says Murn.

“So you were just going to take advantage of him? No way. I want my pay backdated for all the intell I’ve found for you. And his too for whatever it is he’s doing for you.”

“How do you guys know each other?” asks John, pulling up a chair behind his laptop.

You look at Vigilante warningly and answer before he can open his fat mouth. “I’ve sent some work his way once or twice. And compensated him fairly for it,” you add pointedly.

“Oh, they’ve definitely fucked,” laughs Peacemaker.

“Shouldn’t you be in Belle Reve?” You glare at him.

Peacemaker ignores the question. “Did he keep the mask on with you too?” He pouts faux-sympathetically.

This catches you off-guard. Not Vigilante and Peacemaker fucking - Vigilante is so obsessed with him that you guessed it was only a matter of time.

But he did keep his mask on.

Vigilante groans and leans forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees and staring determinedly at his injured foot.

“Ha! I knew it!”

“Enough!” Murn gives Peacemaker a severe look before turning his attention back to you. “John says you know the location of what we’re looking for.”

“I’m not telling you until you get me up to speed with what you’ve got so far. John wouldn’t tell me shit online. Call it a show of good faith.”

“And we’re supposed to just take your word that you actually have useful information?” asks Adebayo.

John opens his mouth to reply but Vigilante beats him to the punch.

“She knows,” says Vigilante, finally looking up. “She’s… she’s a good PI. If she says she knows, she knows.”

“Well, we can’t divulge state secrets just because Vigilante vouches for you. Tell us the ‘where’ and if it checks out - you’re in,” says Harcourt.

You look around at this unlikely group. If you want to catch the gorilla you need their help. You need their weapons. You need their money.

“It’s at the Glan Tai bottling plant. You heard of it?”

“Pulling it up now…” John types on his keyboard. “It makes sense, Murn. They’ve got the production, the distribution channels… This is probably it.”

Distribution channels? What’s the gorilla at Glan Tai got to do with distribution?

You keep your face neutral - if there’s one thing you’ve learned from this job, it’s when to sit back, shut up and listen.

You try to piece things together as Murn talks about ‘butterflies’ and their ‘food source’. Economos checks highway CCTV footage and confirms that your intel is correct. This is extremely lucky for you because you’re clearly talking about two entirely different things. You wonder if these ‘butterflies’ are some kind of parasite-induced sleeper agent. And maybe the food source is a drug to release them from their fugue state?

“...And the gorilla?” you ask eventually.

“What about the gorilla?” asks Harcourt.

“The gorilla is at Glan Tai.”

“There’s a Butterfly gorilla?” asks Vigilante excitedly. “That is so cool!”

“Is that even possible?” Harcourt asks Murn who nods.

You’ve seen some shit but a gorilla sleeper agent takes the fucking cake. They all seem totally unfazed so you pretend to be too.

“So, what’s our next move? When do we start killing these aliens?” asks Peacemaker.

Aliens.

You discreetly scan the others. Nobody else bats an eyelid at Peacemaker’s use of that word.

What the hell have you gotten yourself into?

“You two get some rest, come back tonight,” says Murn to Peacemaker and Vigilante. “And you - you’ve got evidence of what we’re doing here?” There’s no point in lying so you nod. “Bring it back here so we can destroy it. All of it.”

You, Peacemaker and Vigilante, leave the video store. You cross the street to get to your car but Vigilante calls your name. You turn around to see him hurriedly limping over while Peacemaker climbs into the Vigilantemobile.

“Hey, I’m glad you’re part of the team now.”

“I can’t return the sentiment.” You scowl at him. Peacemaker beeps the horn of Vigilante’s car. “You’d better hurry up - you don’t want to keep your boyfriend waiting.”

“We’re not in a relationship. You know I only wanted to be with-”

“Don’t you dare.”

“C’mon, can’t you at least tell me why you stopped answering my calls?”

“I already told you - I’m not going to wait around my entire life for a guy who won’t even show me his face. Or tell me his real name.”

“I can’t -”

“Save your excuses for someone who gives a shit.” Peacemaker blasts the horn again. “At least I know you keep the mask on when you fuck him too. It’s not like he’s seen your face.”

Vigilante’s visor-covered eyes avoid contact with yours. His hesitation is like a punch in the gut.

“He’s seen your face?” You don’t mean to whisper it. The words just spill from your lips like you’ve been winded.

“Not like that. That was just a meaningless threesome-”

“But he’s seen it?”

He nods.

You push him aside to throw your car door open and get in. “Fuck you, V.” You slam it shut and drive away, not even bothering to glance at him standing haplessly in your rearview mirror.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that evening, you and John cross-check your intel. It’s becoming clear that this is way out of your fucking league. But if Vigilante can do it, you can too.

Right?

“You want some peanut M&Ms?”.

He accepts a handful gladly. “Why is so much of this about the fucking gorilla?” John asks with his mouth full, looking over your shoulder at your laptop screen.

The necessity of any quick thinking on your part is interrupted when you hear Murn’s voice ringing from the back office.

“You told Vigilante to kill Peacemaker's father?!”

You and John drop what you’re doing and peer tentatively around the door of the office where Murn is berating Adebayo.

“I didn't tell him to… I just kinda put the idea in his head,” she explains.

“That Peacemaker would be better off without his father?”

Oh no.

“Where’s Vigilante?” you ask suspiciously, joining Murn as he stands with his arms crossed. He looks furious.

“He’s in jail,” mumbles Adebayo. “I might have suggested that if someone were to go in and kill Peacemaker’s dad, all our problems would go away.”

You run your hands through your hair.

“How could you manipulate him like that?” Your combat boots squeak on the floor as you pace across it, catastrophising aloud. “In case you hadn’t noticed, Vigilante is very fucking easy to manipulate. And he has a record. What if he kills someone in prison and gets locked up for life? Or what if he gets himself killed trying?”

“Peacemaker’s gonna see right through this. He’ll know exactly what you tried to do,” says Murn to Adebyo sternly.

They’re fucking crazy.

“Who gives a shit about Peacemaker? Vigilante is locked in jail with the White Dragon!” You plead urgently. Vigilante is in real danger and all they care about is Peacemaker’s feelings.

“Economos, can you get Vigilante out of the system before he screws us worse than we're already screwed?”

John sighs. “I don’t even know this guy’s name.”

The four of them look at you.

You cross your arms. “I can’t tell you his name.”

“Guess he’s gonna die in prison then -”

“Last name Chase. First name Adrian.” You blurt out his secret that you’ve been holding deep in your chest. “But you can’t tell him I told you. He doesn’t know I know.”

You crowd around John’s laptop as he pulls up Adrian’s file.

“We shouldn’t be looking at this,” you say as you stare intently at his mugshot - the mugshot you’re so well acquainted with. You’d rather die than admit how many hours you’ve spent sitting at your desk late at night, looking at his police record on your laptop.

And suddenly, it’s like you’re back in bed with him, as he stares breathlessly at the ceiling and you lie there naked on top of his bare chest, looking into his masked face, picturing that very same mugshot underneath it.

“Guess again,” Vigilante says. You can tell even under the mask that he’s grinning, enjoying your questioning.

“Hmm… are you a doctor? You’ve stitched yourself up a lot.”

“You think I’m a doctor and live here?”

Vigilante watches as you make a show of pursing your lips thoughtfully. The warm afternoon sun streaks through the gaps in his blinds onto his bed. It makes it look like there’s a golden halo around your messy bed hair. He tucks a small strand behind your ear as you walk your index and middle fingers along his chest and down his shoulder.

“Maybe a fireman with these big strong arms?”

He likes you when you let your walls down like this. You’re almost downright playful when he’s satisfied you - a personality trait he still hasn’t extricated from you outside these four walls.

“Man, I am so good at this secret identity thing if I can keep it a secret from a PI.”

You laugh. “I guess so.”

He didn’t know that you had long known his real job. And his real name. Or that you’d trace your fingers over his face on your laptop screen as you tried to reconcile it with the masked killer who was content to let you into his bed but never his real life.

“Wasn’t he our busboy at Fennel Fields?” Adebayo’s question snaps you back to the present.

“Can you pull him out?” You ask John.

“It’s… done.” He says, with a final click of his keyboard. “Let’s just hope he hasn’t done anything stupid. Yet.”

Harcourt shrugs her leather jacket on. “I’ll pick him up.”

Great - first he reveals to Peacemaker who he is and now Harcourt who he’s known for a hot minute is about to see his face too.

You frown. “He’s gonna be really upset we know his identity.”

“You wanna come and soften the blow?”

“I’ll drive.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harcourt sits in the passenger seat of your car outside of the Evergreen Police Department. You’ve been sitting here quietly in the dark, staring at the front doors for almost an hour.

“So what’s your deal with Vigilante?” She asks, finally breaking the silence.

“I told you - I threw some contract work his way. Used him as a bodyguard from time to time when I needed the extra muscle.”

“And then what? Why did you call him an asshole?”

“Because he can be an asshole.”

“That doesn’t sound right. A psychopath maybe. But an asshole? I don’t buy it.”

You keep your eyes focused on the police station door to hide your face. “He doesn’t mean to be an asshole.” You swallow with difficulty. “He just has a code. Lots of quirky little rules he has to follow that makes it difficult for someone ordinary like me to be - I mean, to work with him.”

“Like not revealing his secret identity.”

It’s not a question but you nod all the same.

“So this is your first time seeing him without his mask?”

“That he knows of.” Your forehead touches the cool glass window. It’s like if you stare hard enough at the door he’ll appear in one piece. “I had to do my background checks.”

The doors open and you see Adrian Chase in his cardigan and jeans walking out into the dark night, illuminated by the fluorescent streetlights.

He’s alive.

You roll down your window and he stops dead. He stares at you in shock with his lips parted slightly - unsure whether you recognise him or not.

Harcourt stretches across your seat and calls to Adrian. “We’re here to take you home. Get in.”

When he climbs into the back seat of your car you both turn in your seats. You breathe a sigh of relief seeing him up close - physically he’s unscathed.

“He’s still alive…” He says. “I’m Adrian.”

“Okay,” Harcourt says simply.

“I’m glad you’re not hurt,” you tell him.

He looks up at both of you sadly over his wire-rimmed glasses. “I think I might have made things worse.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After you drop Harcourt off at her motel, Adrian gets into the passenger seat. You let him give directions to his apartment, even though you already know where he lives.

“This is me,” he says when you pull up to his building and park in the spot you’ve parked in on countless occasions.

“I know.”

“Right. Yeah, you’ve been here.”

“A couple of times, yeah…”

His stupid code. You could know where he lives but never see his face. And now you can’t stop yourself from drinking him in - his slightly stubbly chin from his day spent in prison, the way his curly hair is all messed up. He groans heavily and leans his head back against the headrest. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly.

“The guys know how you ended up in jail - they don’t blame you.” He doesn’t say anything. You search his face as he stares gloomily ahead. “What happened in there, V?” you ask.

“I tried to provoke Peacemaker’s dad into a fight. It worked at first - the Aryans took the bait but his dad saw right through it. I think I’ve fucked up the whole mission.”

So Vigilante went into a viper pit unarmed and provoked a bunch of nazis into fighting him.

Deep down, you know it’s fucked up to be attracted to someone capable of such violence but if you’re honest with yourself, it’s what drew you to him in the first place. You knew about the headlines before you met him. And the idea of him taking on a dangerous prison gang really shouldn’t make your heart pound the way it is right now.

You take a deep, steadying breath. “You don’t have to be sorry about that.”

You’ve never touched his hair before but you want to stroke it and comfort him. Tell him that it wasn’t his fault and it’ll all be okay. But he interrupts your train of thought before you can reach your hand out.

“I meant I’m sorry about us.”

Why is your first instinct to tell him that it’s no big deal that he broke your heart? Stupidly, you want to protect him from it - from the hurt he caused you. Comfort him, put his feelings before your own just because you can tell that right now he needs it.

But it is a big deal.

As soon as you remind yourself he couldn’t trust you enough to let you in, it feels like your heart is shattering all over again, mourning what you could have had.

Trust.

“I told the team your name so they could bail you out,” you admit, desperate to get the fact that you betrayed him off your chest. “I was worried about you locked up in there.”

He turns his head to look at you properly for the first time all night. The streetlights are reflected in his dorky little glasses.

“You knew my name?” He doesn’t look betrayed - he just looks surprised. “How…?”

You lift your finger from the steering wheel to point at his apartment. “Anyone with your address could find out who you are. And your full name appears on my checking account when you cash the checks I write you.”

“So you know… everything?”

“Yup.”

His eyebrows knit together in a plea. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I wanted you to tell me. I wanted you to want me to know.”

“Knowing my secret identity would put you at risk.”

“That bullshit and you know it, V. I don’t need you to protect me.”

“Yeah you do - that’s why you had me come with you on jobs.”

“I can handle myself.”

“Then why did you hire me?”

“I was curious about the man behind the headlines, I guess. Then I nearly went broke trying to spend time with you. Do you honestly think I wanted to give you a cut of my contracts for months? ”

He presses his palms into his eyes, pushing his glasses up out of the way and trying to make sense of it all.

“So those jobs were just you finding a reason to hang out?” He drags his hands down his face.

“Well, not at first. But then we started sleeping together after jobs and I wanted to keep doing that.”

“I would’ve wanted to be with you even without those jobs.”

“Oh yeah? You’d have taken me out on a date as Vigilante?” He opens his mouth to speak but closes it again - as if reconsidering whatever he was about to say. “After all that time you still didn’t trust me enough to take off your mask. The last time we saw each other I practically begged you to show me who you are. Then Peacemaker comes back in town and you - what? Just rip off your mask and spill the beans without a second thought?”

“I was being tortured by Goff-”

“The senator tortured you?”

“Well, the Butterfly who had taken over his body. But yeah. He - I mean she - ripped off my mask and tried to cut off my pinky toe. Peacemaker was just there.”

You feel sick thinking about him being tortured. Then you feel sick about feeling sick. It’s not just normal empathy. You want revenge. But you know you shouldn’t care this much. Not when you’ve been broken up for so long.

“Shit, V. That’s horrible.”

“Besides, if I was gonna show someone my face it would have been you. Not Peacemaker.” He looks at you sadly. “I wish you hadn’t left.”

“And I wish you had given me a reason to stay, V. I deserved someone who could trust me. And you… you deserved someone you could be yourself with. We couldn’t be that for each other.”

The hurt on your face is plain for him to see - there’s no point trying to hide it.

“I do trust you. It’s just…” He hesitates. “You’re the only person I know who thought I was cool.”

“Adrian… that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Adrian.

It’s the first time you’ve ever called him that and it makes Adrian’s heart leap. Like the two sides of him have finally met you. After all this time.

“It’s not. Everyone else who knows me as Adrian knows I’m a loser. And I thought if I told you I was a busboy with no friends, you’d think that too.”

“You have friends.”

“Yeah, right.”

“The guys in the video store? They were so worried about you in jail. They like you a lot.” He allows himself a small smile like he doesn’t really believe it. “And I…” You pause. How do you feel about Adrian? “I still think you’re cool.”

“You do?”

He looks at you like he can’t believe you’re actually saying the words he was afraid you’d never say.

“Of course I do. You’re still the masked Vigilante of Evergreen. And I’m just… ordinary.”

He scoffs in amazement. “You’re not ordinary - you’re like the smartest person I know. And you don’t need to hide behind a mask to do your job.

“I’m not that smart.”

“I mean, you found out more about the butterflies than the US government.”

You bite your lip, trying not to smile. “Can I tell you something? And you won’t tell the rest of the team?”

“You can tell me anything.”

“I didn’t know what butterflies were until today.” He looks extremely confused so you press on. “I met John in a dark web chatroom when I was researching the missing gorilla. And I thought you guys were looking for it too.”

He laughs. A merciless side-splitting laugh that doesn’t take your embarrassment into consideration at all. But it shows off his beautiful smile. And when you see it you can’t stop yourself from joining in too. It’s so ridiculous. You wanted to find the gorilla, and maybe get your PI business mentioned again in the local paper. Now you’ve been roped into saving the world with a black ops team and Vigilante.

You both try to regain your composure and stare at each other, catching your breath. He shakes his head, grinning.

Christ, look at him.

“I sometimes wondered if you wouldn’t remove your mask because you were just a bad kisser. I mean, I saw your mugshot so I already knew you were pretty.” You can’t help but tell him. You know the grainy photo on his record like the back of your hand but in person, he’s frankly gorgeous.

“Thanks, I know.”

You laugh again. “And modest.”

“You think I fund being Vigilante on a busboy salary? I get a lot of tips.”

“It all makes sense now. The only thing that doesn’t make sense is why you don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Because she didn’t want to wait around for an idiot who wouldn’t even kiss her.”

You stare at each other in the shadowy silence for a few moments.

“It’s late, we should both get some rest.”

“Wait, don’t go.” His hand touches your thigh and it feels like there’s an electric current buzzing between his hand and the fabric of your jeans. The atmosphere almost crackles, like lighting about to strike in the middle of a storm. It’s the first time he’s touched you since you walked out on him six months ago and never went back. “It’s super late, you should crash at mine.”

“If I come upstairs we both know what’s going to happen.”

He tilts his head and you watch dimples form as the corners of his mouth turn into a mischievous smile. “That’s kind of the idea.”

“A bad one. We need to work together.”

“When has fucking ever stopped us from completing a job?”

“It hasn’t. But when we stopped seeing each other… I was really cut up. I couldn’t concentrate on work for a while. It’s why I needed the reward for the gorilla so badly.”

“Then we just won’t stop this time.”

“Adrian… I’ve only just pulled myself together again. I’m not sure it’s the right thing to do.”

He removes his hand from your leg to unclip his seatbelt.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” Adrian gives you an apologetic look.

You stare at his lips. They’re just there. His whole face is out in the open. And now his lips, and the rest of him, are about to leave your car and you never know when you’ll see him unmasked again. He opens the car door.

“Wait -”

He turns back around in his seat.

“Let me find out if you’re a bad kisser. At least I can tell myself I’m not missing out on anything if you are.”

“You’re gonna be so mad…” He cups your face and brushes your cheekbone with his thumb. “I’m a really good kisser.”

You smile and his lips meet yours.

It’s nothing like you imagined.

When you had sex it always felt urgent, even dangerous, getting into bed with a masked cape who was wanted for murder. More often than not he fucked you from behind, tugged fistfuls of your hair and slapped your ass.

But his kisses… his kisses are soft and slow. And good.

You’re totally screwed.

He sucks your lip gently and then his tongue traces across yours. You urge yourself forward in the driver’s seat closer to him, bringing your hand up to cradle the nape of his neck and lace your hand in his soft hair.

Warmth spreads in your chest when he deepens the kiss. You secretly hoped he’d be like this when he was unmasked. Your hot and rough encounters were always fun but in your heart you always wanted him to want you like this. Deeply. Reverently.

You break apart and press your forehead against his with your eyes closed, feeling your heart hammering against your chest.

“What’s the verdict?” he asks.

You open your eyes to see his green ones searching yours from behind his glasses. He lets out a long, happy exhale when he hears your seatbelt unclick.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adrian’s bedroom is neat, clean, with framed vintage comic books on his walls and illuminated by a lava lamp on his bedside table. Details you remember from previous visits but barely register this time as you both burst through his bedroom door while he kisses you. Refusing to take his hands from your body, he kicks the door shut behind him forgetting about his injured foot. He regrets it immediately.

“Fuck!” He pulls away and winces.

“Careful,” you soothe, shrugging your jacket off onto the floor and he lifts your shirt off. As soon as your skin is uncovered his mouth finds it. He drags his tongue across your collarbones and between your breasts, nudging the cup of your bra aside so he can find your nipple.

His warm mouth feels almost too good to be true as he sucks on the hard, pebbled skin and moves on to taste every inch of your exposed chest, his deft hands unhooking your bra and tossing it aside quickly.

The entire day could have been a crazy fever dream. You’ve gone from your heart sinking at the very sight of him to it fluttering like crazy as you lie back on his mattress so he can pull your jeans and underwear off.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” he says, sinking to his knees between your legs at the edge of the bed.

Even though you’re completely naked on his bed while he’s still dressed, you somehow feel less on display than he is right now without his mask. It feels taboo watching his jaw muscles tighten as he works his mouth all over your inner thighs. There’s something so controlled about the way he meticulously kisses the sensitive skin at the crux of your thigh that makes your lip quiver.

You’ve spent enough time around his quick reflexes to know Vigilante is going to be skilled at eating you out but sometimes, especially in the depths of your despair during your breakup, there was a niggling inkling at the back of your mind that the mask might just be a convenient excuse not to.

You had suspected, or maybe even hoped, when you hooked up that he had come really, really close to rolling up the bottom half of his mask and tasting you. More than once, you had caught a fleeting glimpse of him at odds with himself, his eyes behind his visor staring at your pussy and his neck muscles contracting as he swallowed thickly, strengthening his resolve and deciding to protect his own identity instead.

But tonight - finally - his tongue slides between your folds and you let out a low whine when the furnace-hot heat of his mouth besets itself over your clit.

Adrian groans when he tastes your arousal flooding his mouth. His hands cup under your ass as he pulls himself closer. You dare yourself to run your hand through his hair again, your fingernails lightly scratching his scalp. It still feels like it shouldn’t be allowed but he doesn’t seem to mind at all as his lips suck on your swollen clit.

“Fuck, Adrian…” His real name still sounds foreign on your lips, like you have to make a conscious effort to say it.

Adrian looks up at you over his glasses, his pupils wide in the dim violet light of the lava-lamp-lit room. He takes in your glowing face and chest as you lie propped up on your elbows, enjoying the sight of him on the floor between your legs.

His fingers knead the soft, pillowy flesh of your ass like he doesn’t want to let you go anywhere ever again. And you don’t want to. Fuck the mission. Can’t you just stay here forever? In Adrian’s bedroom, panting while his tongue runs firm circles over your clit.

When you roll your hips in encouragement, he lets out a soft little moan sending vibrations over the bundle of nerves - it almost makes you dissolve right there and then.

“I can’t believe I let you… fuck - let you get away with not doing this before,” you whimper. “So - s’fucking good, V.”

“Adrian,” he says and the tiniest absence of friction when his tongue leaves your clit makes your fingers tighten in his hair, urging him to return to your aching pussy.

“Adrianadrianadrian,” you babble, scared that his lips will leave you again. No more V. No more Vigilante. Just Adrian. Here. Eating your pussy like it’s you who’d been depriving him of this for months on end. Pleasure rises deep in your core like the tide getting ready to crash against the cliff face.

Your brain becomes fuzzy as increasingly desperate noises escape your throat - something strangled between a whine and his name. You squirm against his tongue as he relentlessly continues, determined to draw from you the orgasm that you’ve been desperate for since he kissed you in the car and you realised his mouth would feel like heaven.

The pressure of his tongue against your soaking wet pussy makes you writhe in exhilaration. You barely notice his fingers digging harder into your skin as you arch your spine and throw your head back.

Your thigh muscles tense and relax, trembling on either side of his face. “Adrian, I’m gonna - gonna cum…”

Instead of responding, he sinks two fingers deep inside your cunt, giving you something to squeeze around as every muscle in your pelvis tightens. He curls his fingers slightly and it’s just enough to push you over the fucking edge.

The purplish glow of the room turns blinding white as waves, hot and wet, break over you and your body floods with ecstasy. Your whole lower body stiffens as your walls clench around his fingers and you grind your pussy against his mouth.

Fuck, you’ve been missing out. You haven’t been with anyone else the entire time you’ve been apart and it’s like your body has been crying for exactly this moment without you realising how much you needed it. Needed his mouth on you.

The room comes into focus again gradually as Adrian gives you a last few slow, gentle kisses before sliding his fingers out of your still-twitching centre.

You breathe heavily and look at him kneeling on the floor.

He looks stupidly pleased with himself, the corner of his wet, glistening mouth upturned in a self-congratulatory smile at the way he’s taken you apart piece by piece. You can’t help but giggle from endorphins buzzing through your body. It makes your abdomen hurt from all the tensing you were doing.

Adrian slaps the side of your ass and gets to his feet, undoing his belt buckle. “C’mon, bend over,” he grins.

You sit up, shake your head and smile. “Nuh-uh, I wanna see your pretty face when you cum.” He blinks a couple of times dazedly. “Did you forget about your mask for a second?”

Adrian clears his throat. “Uh...No?”

He so did.

“C’mere.” You hook your fingers through his belt loops and pull him closer. You kiss the light trail of hair covering his hard abdomen while your fingers work to undo his jeans and pull them down to release him from the confines of his boxers.

God, you missed it. He has a pretty face alright but his cock is fucking perfect.

Your cheeks grow hot feeling him so close. You grip his hard length and draw your tongue across the tip, tasting the salty bead of precum.

“Take your top off,” you say, looking up at him before running your tongue along his shaft, keeping eye contact.

He grips the hem of his t-shirt and pulls it off over his head. Seeing him in the purple glow, every contour of his sculpted abdomen illuminated sends burning heat to your pelvis. You never thought you were into muscular guys, not until you saw Vigilante take his suit off for the first time. Now you’re not sure if you could go back to anything else. Anyone else.

You swirl your tongue around the head of his cock but he interrupts you.

“I need to fuck you. Please.”

At this point, you’re so turned on it’s an offer you can’t refuse. You release him and scoot back on the bed. He goes to crawl on top of you but flinches when his injured foot meets the mattress.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I just need to - ah fuck.”

“It’s okay. Here, lie down. Let me go on top.”

He does so with relief and you swing your leg over his thighs.

“Better?”

“Fuck yeah,” he says, looking at your naked figure sitting on top of him.

You reach into his bedside drawer where you know he keeps his condoms. Your fingers skirt over what you suspect are bags of candy until you find the corrugated square shape you’re looking for. You take it out and roll the condom on him.

“Okay, easy,” you say, positioning the head of his cock at your entrance. He throbs under the grip of your hand in anticipation. “Don’t overexert yourself.”

“You were totally cool with me over-exerting myself on the floor a second ago.”

“I was talking to myself,” you smirk. “It’s been a while.”

You ease yourself down onto his cock, feeling the beautiful stretch as you adjust to his size.

“Shit…” he breathes, clamping his hands down hard on your hips, forcing you to bottom out. His eyebrows knit together and he sighs through parted lips, feeling the way your walls stretch around him. He looks so beautiful - you can’t stop looking at his lips.

You lean forward, planting your hands on either side of his head so you can lean down and kiss him. The taste of your juices registers on your tongue as his enters your mouth. You deepen the kiss and Adrian responds by jerking his hips up needily, pressing into your g-spot.

You moan and suck on his bottom lip, gently rolling it between your teeth as he pushes into the most sensitive part of your centre. Searing heat burns low in your belly, spreading to your thighs. You push yourself back up to ride him and grab his wrists, dragging them from your waist to grope at your chest.

“Fuck, you look so hot riding my dick.”

“Yeah? Rose-tinted visor isn’t all it’s cracked up to be?”

You’re teasing him but it seems to spur him on, as he squeezes your tits and jerks up into your bouncing hips. Every wet slap that meets your ears only increases your neediness for him. It burns brightly in your core, making you wetter and even more desperate for your next orgasm.

Every roll of your body sends his cock plunging into you, pushing against you at the perfect angle. God, he feels incredible. Your walls start to convulse around him, clamping down and gripping his cock as your second climax rears its head.

“Adrian, fuck, I’m close…” you plead, frantically chasing your high, wildly gyrating and bouncing in time with his thrusts.

“Say it again.”

“Fuck, I’m gonna-”

“No, say my name,” he says, through gritted teeth, his neck muscles tightening in the soft light.

His neck.

“Fuck, Adrian.” You lunge forward and bite on his neck. He grabs handfuls of your ass, anchoring himself into you as he thrusts savagely upwards sending pleasure rocketing through you. Fuck he’s deep. So fucking deep.

His name leaves your lips over and over, broken and ragged as every jerk of his hip knocks the air out of your lungs. Bliss ignites and your cry of pleasure is muffled as you moan and run your tongue over his neck, smelling his aftershave mixed with his musky sweat. An explosion, more fierce than any grenade blast bursts through your centre as he pummels his cock with unparalleled force and precision, even as you squirm and shake, unable to keep moving your own hips in time with his.

With every ounce of strength you have you lean up on your arms to look at his face. His eyes are squeezed shut and his facial muscles contort as he sucks through his teeth.

“Cum for me, Adrian,” you murmur sweetly in his ear and he opens his eyes, giving you a terminally helpless look as he slams his hips into your hot, wet cunt and you squeeze around him as tight as you can. With a final thrust, you feel his thighs tighten and his cock pulsing inside you as he cums.

You flatten your body back on top of his - the warm, damp sweat between your chests feels strangely pleasant. His fingers trace circles up your spine, gently tickling your back. Adrian turns his head to kiss you and you both lie for a moment, enjoying the feeling of his lips on yours.

After what feels like a long time of lying in quiet elation, you make yourself climb carefully off of him and roll over, resting back on his pillows.

“Don’t go anywhere,” he says and you lie back watching him dispose of the condom, taking care not to put any pressure on his bandaged toe. He launches himself back on the bed with a thud making you bounce on the mattress. “Good, you’re still here,” he says, leaning on his elbow and looking down at you.

“Where else would I be?” you laugh.

“Well… you usually leave right after. Except that one time I accidentally bought peanut M&Ms.”

You look at him apologetically. In fairness, the mask was hardly an invitation to spend the night - what was he going to do? Sleep in it? “Do you have peanut M&Ms?”

He nods to his bedside drawer and you open it to see that it’s stuffed with the little yellow bags.

“You like peanut M&Ms now?”

He pulls a face. “No way dude, they’re so gross.”

“Then why…?”

“I guess I always hoped you might change your mind and come back. So I bought them whenever I thought about you.”

You look at the drawer - there’s practically enough that Adrian could have made a trail of peanut M&Ms from your apartment across town to his. “You would have made a really sweet boyfriend,” you sigh.

“Well, I mean… I still could,” he says in a would-be nonchalant type of way, pushing up his glasses with his finger and avoiding your gaze.

“Yeah?” You weren’t sure if he’d be open to picking up where you left off. But it feels right when it didn’t before. Now you know him. Really know him.

He pulls his eyes up and meets your gaze with a smile. “If you want me to?”

“I’d like that. A lot.”

“Sweet,” he says with a wide smile, not bothering to hide how giddy he is.

You open the packet. “For the record, I’m not just staying because of the M&Ms this time.”

“I know.”

“And I’m glad you’re on the team.”

He nods happily, watching you pop a few into your mouth. “Hashtag me too.”

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mysteria157 · 1 month

Text

Chapter One

Pairing: Black Fem!Reader x Hitman Toji Fushiguro

CW: Profanity, Hints of Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Comfort

Word Count: Don't worry about it.

Summary:

“I’m only going to say this one more time, Toji. I don’t do situationships. I don’t do friends with benefits or the occasional hookup. You want more? I want you to try. Earn me.”

His hands are so bloody, that if you ever knew the source, you would'nt want someone like him to try. He shouldn't be here, taking up so much of your time, asking for more. But he's selfish.

-or; Toji, a notorious hitman, moves to America for more money and a better life for his son. He didnt expect to sleep with you, let alone want more. When his dangerous life catches up to him, he takes on one final lucrative hit, but realizes this target has unseen connections hitting closer to home. Now he must navigate a perilous job while desperately keeping his criminal double life hidden from you.

Authors Notes: Hello! I hope you all enjoy this first chapter. As stated in the masterlist, this fic is a continuation from Maneater, so reading that will definitely help set the tone for this fic. I plan to dig deep with this story and really find my voice writing a different genre.

As always, reblogs, comments, and likes are always appreciated! Enjoy and thank you for your support!

Dividers: @royallaesthetics @eloquentmoon | Header: created by myself (fanart from Pinterest)

**Do not plagiarize any of my works or translate without my permission!**

…women like you drown oceans -Rupi Kaur

*** You ***

Pop!

The sharp sound of gum expanding and then exploding causes you to flinch, your eyeliner pen frozen just above your lid. Through the mirror’s reflection, you shoot a glare at the open closet door, where your cousin rummages through your clothes.

Pop!

She’s in her own little world. If this were any other circumstance, she would have been scolded for her habit of popping gum—a top offender on the list of annoying behaviors ingrained in both of you since childhood. You detest the sound, and if you were closer, you would have punched her in the stomach by now.

You and your cousin typically get along well, but she enjoys testing your limits to coax you out of your shell. The only way to shut her up is by letting her tire herself out during her talkative rampages or swinging at her when you’ve had enough.

Every day with her is a gamble of which will come first.

Your eyeliner is still hovering by your upper lid, suspended in place as you watch another sundress get haphazardly thrown against the closet wall instead of being put back on a hanger where it fucking belongs.

You can’t bother with trying to get violent with her, you’re way too preoccupied with other thoughts. More incessant thoughts like how to play it cool on a date. It’s not that hard, right? Be yourself, get a gauge of the man trying to impress you, entertain a few hours of your day and then back home to relax.

Easy.

If it were anyone else but Toji, then it would be easy.

You had buried yourself in double shifts and extended hours in the lab just to distract yourself from today. Anything to keep you busy and keep your mind off the fact that someone you are sort of interested in…wants to see you. And he reminds you every day when you look down at your phone.

Despite his admission of being a lazy texter, Toji is surprisingly consistent. But the messages take on a blunt form wrapped around a small pearl of care.

Toji: Eat breakfast. What good are you in a hospital if you pass out?

Toji: Stop taking on more shifts, its stupid. Go home and rest.

Toji: You better not be tired this weekend.

No matter how hard you try to force your face to stay immobile, each text makes your lips twitch into a small smile. He masks his words in harsh deliveries, but the intention is obvious. The satisfying jolt that shoots up your spine when your phone buzzes with a notification from him should be embarrassing. It should be.

But you love it.

It’s absurd, really. Only two weeks have passed since you met him, hardly enough time to form any meaningful connection. Yet, that night at your uncle’s was unexpectedly delightful. Toji was, against your better judgment, charming and attentive, almost to the point of clinginess. And, undeniably, he’s attractive. And a fucking fantastic lay.

So, despite your instinct to ignore a man and the way they flaunt their feathers for your attention, you want Toji to bring that same energy as last time.

You lean your elbows back into the shiny wood of your vanity, focusing your attention on your eye as you lower the eyeliner to your skin.

Pop!

The sound makes you jump, disrupting your focus and smearing the eyeliner across your temple.

“Rene!” you bark, slamming your eyeliner down on the vanity top with a force that makes your hand sting, and you yank a drawer open in search of a makeup wipe. “Stop popping your gum before I come over there and beat the shit out of you.” As you wipe off the smudged makeup, you catch the reflection of your cousin emerging from your closet.

She embodies a beauty that’s almost blinding, matched only by her lively personality. So naturally, heads turn when she enters a room, her chocolate skin seemingly radiant wherever she goes. With her thick, kinky hair always in a protective style and her unshakeable confidence in her intelligence and appearance, Rene caught Shiu’s attention immediately, and he’s been captivated ever since.

She is one of very few in your family who truly gets you, who sees the world with clarity and understands its nuances and how to navigate through it without compromising her ideals. Since childhood, you’ve stuck to each other like glue. She understands you and your guarded demeanor, you understand her and her loud personality. She’s one of your best friends.

But at this moment, as she stands before you in booty shorts and a tank top that accentuates her curves, her twist out cascading from a pineapple updo, and an outfit draped over one arm, she is pissing you off as she pops her gum againwith a cheeky expression.

“I like your makeup.” A sly grin stretches on her face, enhancing her soft features. You ignore her, feeling your defenses rise as she effortlessly peels back your layers. The liquid eyeliner glides against the smooth brown of your skin, forming a subtle cat-eye as you pretend not to notice her approaching you from behind.

She gracefully settles onto your vanity top, ignoring your lipstick casing that teeters over and rolls across the shiny surface. You shoot her another glare before moving to your other eye. “You should put on some mascara too. When you give him head later today, I’m sure he’ll love to see it run down your cheeks and—”

You swing at her not even a second later, landing a solid smack on the side of her thigh. “UM Ow?!”

“Um?? Shut the fuck up,” you growl, sneering at her with a leveling scowl that you hope cuts through her.

It doesn’t.

Rene snorts, shrugging off the vanity and moving to your bed to change her clothes. As she pulls your dark jeans over her thick thighs, you can’t help but wonder if you should dress more…sexy? Your jean shorts reveal enough skin, and the jersey fits snugly around your torso. You’re no stranger to dressing to the nines and making heads turn just like her, but you value practicality more than appeal. It’s a football game, after all, and you love football. Why bother looking overly sexy when you’ll be screaming and stuffing hotdogs and pretzels in your mouth?

Despite the logic, a hand of insecurity tightens around your throat.

Rene, like the annoyingly clairvoyant bitch she is, tastes the shift in the air and rolls her eyes at you through the mirror’s reflection. “You look fucking amazing. Toji asked you out—frequently, I might add.”

The memories of his persistence flash through your mind in a rush. Heated touches in the backseat of your truck, sweaty skin sliding against each other, and your mouth dripping with moans of satisfaction were constantly interrupted by his repeated question.

“Let me take you out.”

As if he couldn’t get enough. As if he wanted more. As if he wouldn’t leave your uncle’s house that night until you flat-out told him to leave you alone.

You haven’t entertained a man since your cheating ex, so your defenses remain high and guarded, fortified with brick and mortar, armed to fend off anyone who comes too close.

But in such a short time, Toji managed to advance further than others with hard skin resilient to your attacks, and a constant insistence to be by your side. He’s spoken to you in ways that would have landed others in the ER, yet his words were always laced with harsh care to make you confront your own overreactions instead of hiding.

“Stop acting up and let me be nice to you.”

“You’re not mean to men; you just don’t do bullshit.”

“It’s okay to be a little excited about this,” Rene interjects, slicing through the thick current of your anxiety.

And you are, excited and a little nervous, though you don’t respond to her, simply reaching for your clear lip gloss to finish your makeup.

By the time there is a knock on your door thirty minutes later, you and Rene are ready to go. Your curls are piled high on your head, tendrils falling to frame your face and your hairline slicked with curled edges. There’s a subtle shake in your hands wrapped around the handle of your front door, betraying the calm façade you wear. As you open it, expecting Toji’s familiar face, you’re met with Shiu, a toothpick in his mouth and a gentle smile playing on his lips.

You greet him warmly with a hug, letting him inside. He can only hug you for a second before rushing past you and toward the direction of your room, anxious to see his fiancé. “Don’t fuck on my bed!” you yell after him, loud enough for your cousin to hear.

It’s only a minute later when there’s a knock at the door that makes you jump, shocking you into reality again as you realize that you haven’t moved since inviting Shiu inside. In your stupidity, you look through the peephole and swallow the gasp at Toji’s distorted form.

“I can see your feet. Open the door,” his deep voice cuts, familiar and commanding.

Your fingers curl against the wooden surface of your door, nails scratching lightly along the veneer as you wrestle with the innate temptation to be stubborn. Besides Nanami Kento—another close friend and coworker—Toji is the only man you’ve let talk to you like this. He’s a little bit of an asshole, but beneath his rough exterior lies a tender core that beckons you to peel back the layers like an onion, eager to feel just how soft the bulb is in the center. You’re drawn to him in a way you can’t explain, and it’s a longing that ignites a hunger that you haven’t experienced in a very long time.

With a resigned sigh, you swing the door open to be welcomed by the sight of him, a picture that leaves you momentarily breathless. You swallow the drool that pools instantly in the back of your throat, curl your toes in your sneakers to resist the urge to spring forward and slant your lips against his, and bite the inside of your lip so the twitching on the sides does not turn into a gentle smirk.

“You look good, baby,” his words roll off his tongue effortlessly, his gaze sweeping over you with a knowing intensity. It feels as though he’s studying a heavily guarded masterpiece that he finally has his hands on to steal. He notices every stroke of paint, every blotch that makes you who you are and it’s with a concentration that leaves you dizzy enough to grip the door tighter in your hands.

Though only a week has passed since you last saw him, his presence still grips you with a force that borders on intoxicating. Clad in a black shirt that accentuates his commanding presence, his broad shoulders exude a magnetic strength that summons you, stirring a primal desire to dig your fingernails into him like you did that night in your truck. One of his hands is tucked in a jeaned pocket, the other is behind his back, and jet-black locks brush his cheeks as he chuckles, undoubtedly amused by the dumbfounded stare that you’re still shooting his way. His scar cradles the side of his lips in a seductive curl as he smirks.

God, he’s so—he’s so—

His presence seems to fill the entire room, a tangible force even without crossing the threshold of your home. An urgent ache surges within you, craving the warmth of his embrace, the security of his strength.

“You gonna let me in or just keep your mouth open for the flies?” His voice breaks the reverie in your mind, a well-known blend of annoyance that fills your chest immediately. You’re reminded of how effortlessly irritating he can be, yet there’s a strange allure in his confidence.

At this point, you don’t have a quip loaded up quick enough to shoot back at him. So, you step aside and hold your breath as his large body crosses the threshold of your home.

The last time he was at your door, he barged inside with a barely contained fury and pulled you into an argument that stemmed from your unwillingness to be vulnerable and his lack of expertise in expressing himself. It was a weird song and dance that marked the beginning of something you still don’t fully understand. Now, he’s here with a slightly different demeanor, calm and self-assured as he plants a firm kiss on your cheek as if he’s a hardworking husband returning home just in time for dinner.

You gape at his nonchalance, watching in disbelief as he kicks off his shoes and pulls his hand from behind his back, presenting you a bouquet of flowers in a manner that feels both rushed and sincere. You look down at the flowers, wide-eyed and blinking to make sure the reality you are currently in isn’t actually a simulation.

Daisies.

Not the cheap, wilted blooms you kind of expected from him, but fresh, vibrant flowers. Their white petals gleam softly, each grain of pollen in the yellow center visible in the light of your kitchen. The stems are freshly cut, wrapped in a simple red bow and your chest is fluttering with a severity that unsettles you.

“I didn’t know what kind you liked. And I don’t trust Shiu with an honest answer so…” His words trail off, leaving unspoken sentiments lingering in the air.

Your lips curl around words that won’t form, and you mentally sort through your book of tricks. It’s a book you’ve spent years filling after countless experiences. Men will do just about anything for pussy. There’s no reason to be shocked at why they do the things they do—they’re all the same.

But even from that first day you met, you have already shuffled through your book when it comes to Toji. Every time you look up whatever trick he tries to pull, you come up with an empty page. There’s never a solution or a pre-written response that you can use. You have no choice but to figure this out on your own and fill in the pages later.

“If you don’t like them, you don’t have to take them,” he cuts into your thoughts, words edged with a trace of embarrassment that he’s trying to cover up with frustration. “Just give them back—” He reaches for the flowers, and you reflexively pull your arms away, much to your own shock at the way your body moves on its own.

“I like them,” you blurt out, your voice not as strong as you want it to be but thankfully steady as the words leave your lips. “They’re very nice, Toji. Thank you.”

He drops his hand, shoves it deep into the pocket of his jeans before clearing his throat and giving you a sharp nod. His eyes take in your face for only a second before they flit away to focus on a random spot in your living room, a hint of blush on his cheeks that makes the fluttering in your chest pick up in speed. It’s a weird feeling that will consume you if you don’t stay in control.

So, you push it down, swallow the pool of saliva in your mouth so it can help the glide, all the way down to the pit of your belly to extinguish the embers that threaten to lick to life. You shuffle past him and into the kitchen to fetch a vase, your mind sorting through the symptoms of various pulmonary diseases to distract yourself from the giddiness of him getting you flowers.

A normal thing. The bare minimum for a man. But it makes you feel great all the same. They aren’t your favorite, not even close, but it’s a gesture that shatters your preconceived notions about Toji that probably shouldn’t be there in the first place.

“What are they?” he asks, face still pink below his eyes that linger on the countertop instead of at you. You untie the bow at the stems and slide the daisies into an antique vase with crystalline ridges, shooting him a questioning raised eyebrow in response. One of his hands gestures wildly to the vase you are filling with water. “Your favorite flowers.”

“Snapdragons.” Toji throws you a quizzical look, his eyebrows pinched together in a clear display of confusion that makes you chuckle. You push the now full vase of flowers to the center of your kitchen countertop, the sight warming your stomach no matter how much you try to stop it. “They aren’t in season, but there’s a vendor here that sells them in the Spring and Fall. Growing up, we lived right next to a river where they would grow. My father would pick them every year and bring them to my mother as a gift. Whenever they wilted, he picked more and replaced them…over and over until they weren’t in season anymore.”

You dig your teeth into the wet flesh of your cheek to stop yourself from rambling, the need to talk more about yourself is at the tip of your tongue. He’s quiet as he takes in your response, eyebrows twitching with fleeting emotion before they smooth out into their usual calm expression. Maybe it’s your eyes playing tricks, but he looks as if he’s locked away your little nugget of information and is ready to move on to the next thing.

More of you.

That gaze is now free of shyness and taking you in, sharp and cutting and rough around the edges, his green irises sliding down to the exposed skin of your thighs, and they must beckon him because he makes his way towards you with a dominating presence that tightens your throat. He walks around the countertop, avoiding the sharp edge from biting into his side and now he’s standing in front of you, looming and dwarfing you without even trying. You catch a whiff of his cheap cologne—a different scent from what you smelled before—but still rich with bergamot undertones that make you more curious than bothered at his frugal mentality.

“Can I kiss you? Or you gonna smack me instead?”

Even though he’s teasing, he displays the growing knowledge of your boundaries and the lengths you will go to protect yourself.

“What, you want to get smacked, Toji?” you retort, lifting an eyebrow at him, your neck tingling from the strain of looking up due to his height. God, he’s such a big man. Big and burly and just enough to overwhelm you in a way that you crave so, so much.

“Nah. I want a kiss,” he confidently responds, blowing away the cloud of lust from around your head.

He’s too close and yet not close enough. He smells too good, looks too good with a voice that’s too deep and melodic for you to ride on logic for a full day, but you need him closer, so much closer and—

Your back brushes against the edge of the kitchen sink, making you tense at the realization that he’s backed you up against it and is looking down at you with that nasty smirk you entertain more than you should.

“You…” you begin, trailing off when one of his muscular arms reaches past you to rest onto the counter on one side, still giving you an escape route even though you’ll take being trapped against him any time of the day. “You already kissed me on the cheek when you walked in without asking me. Don’t be stingy.”

Toji clicks his tongue in disappointment, the sound pushing a rush of electricity down your spine that’s generating too much energy between your legs. He shrugs, broad shoulders pulling up and down, stretching his shirt in the most delicious way. “That’s not enough.”

Although lust is darkening your thoughts slowly despite your resolve, you still have enough common sense to remember the kind of woman you are. You’re someone unwilling to tolerate fuckboy behavior and would rather humiliate a man than give in to temptation that would only embarrass you in the future. You have to stay in control. Just for the rest of the day to measure his intentions with a level head. Even though you feel heavy with lidded eyes, you slip into that second skin of yourself with ease.

“Ask nicely,” you whisper.

He takes the bait—like they always do—and slinks further into your space, his broad and muscular form brushes against your softer one. Your gaze remains indifferent as he asks to kiss you in a sing-song voice that’s borderline annoying and teasing, threatening to make you laugh despite your resistance.

You take in his question with a noncommittal hum and slide a hand up the soft fabric of his chest. The muscles underneath flex and twitch beneath your palm, echoing memories of that unforgettable night when you could slide your fingers on the sweat of his abs as you rode him for all he was worth.

Your hand rests against his cheek, watching as he slowly falls for your trap, inhaling deeply with his lips a mere breath away from yours before you speak calmly and softly.

“No.”

You stroke his cheek in a soothing manner before patting it a little too hard that’s close to a smack, yanking a grunt of frustration from him as he pulls away with an bothered growl. You relish in the sigh of his scar twisting when his face curls with annoyance, his eyes rolling and his arms folding across his chest like a child being denied dessert. You can’t help the laugh that bubbles from your lips, growing in intensity as his eyes narrow at you.

“You’re so damn annoying,” he pouts, and the fact that he truly looks put off for not getting a kiss only makes you laugh harder.

***

The sight and sound of cheering fans excite you, filling you with childhood memories of games with your father. As the four of you make your way through the large parking lot and in the direction of the stadium, you take in the display of emotions that cross Toji’s face as he is immersed in a part of culture unfamiliar to him. The intricacies of American sports are puzzling to Toji, you realize. While you wave excitedly to the fans who are tailgating and grilling food and playing cornhole, he looks on in disbelief. When you explain the concept of tailgating to him, his expression deepens even more. He doesn’t like the hecklers that litter right outside the entrance and try to sell nosebleed tickets twelve times the market price. He thinks porta-pottys are foul as he takes in the long line of people who wait along the side of the large parking lot. You can tell he’s a little overwhelmed, and aggravated by the new things he learns. But he doesn’t complain, content to listen to the three of you as he watches his surroundings.

Despite the array of emotions that engulf him, he keeps you by his side without a second thought. The closer you get to the stadium, the thicker the crowd gets. When you make it through security and begin the long journey up the stone circular walkway of the stadium, Toji wraps a muscular arm around you and rests his hand on your hip in a grip that conveys a protective strength that shoots fluctuating reactions through you.

At first, you think he just wants his hands on you, and you’re prepared to smack his touch away. But then your perception shifts; a random man bumps into you with a sharp elbow into your arm and he turns around with an angry expression ready to yell. The glare that Toji levels at him leaves the man sputtering and apologizing before he slinks back into the crowd.

Normally, you don’t thrive off blatant displays of masculinity, but the sight of the man running away from Toji’s imposing stare makes your stomach fill with a deep-seated lust that surprises you. Like you’re a cavewoman, watching her caveman beat at his chest when another caveman gets too close to you. Toji grumbles to himself about the sheer number of people, his voice tinged with frustration even though his reassuring touch is gentle as he guides you through the throng of people toward your seats.

Thankfully, they aren’t nosebleeds, and they give you a good view of the field, with players already warming up. There is a large group of kids who hang off the rails, squealing in delight as their favorite players come and say hello and sign their jerseys and footballs. The speakers boom with music and commercial ads, the warm air carries the smell of popcorn up your nose, and your blood pumps in excitement.

It has been a while since you attended a football game, distant memories of sitting on your father’s shoulders as you both cheered in the stands. Since his death, you haven’t had the drive nor the time to attend another. So, to be in this position again with a man you are still trying to understand, it’s odd. But it’s not unwelcome and you’re going to enjoy every minute of it. When you watch football at home with your family, you’re a different person. You are loud and unashamed to express your feelings when you watch the games unfold. You stand up and sneer and bark at the officiant who can’t even hear you. You argue with your family about plays and players who will never know you. You love every emotion that the game brings out in you, and you’re unashamed to hide it. Toji is going to see a side of you that will either push him away or make him slink closer for more.

So, when the game begins with the kickoff, you join in the collective screams of the crowd, waving a towel in the air adorned with the yellow and black of your favorite team that is playing.

To your surprise once more, Toji did his homework. He effortlessly explains the rules as you both watch the first quarter together, looking to you for approval to make sure he’s correct. His attentive nature transforms into active participation as he cheers alongside you, his voice deep and booming compared to your screeching.

In the second quarter, there’s an injury on the field and the clash of pads ceases for long enough that fans leave their seats for food and to stretch their legs. Shiu and Rene disappear to get themselves a drink and it’s just you and Toji in the middle of empty seats.

“You’re a screamer,” he teases, his voice low and appreciative as he leans on his thigh with a cheek resting on his fist. His hair flows in the warm air before settling on pale cheeks.

“Too loud for you?” you retort, even if mildly curious about what he thinks of this side of yourself.

Toji purses his lips as he regards you with relaxed eyes. “It didn’t take me long to realize you’re not a dainty little thing. And besides,” A smile stretches across his face, white teeth glinting with a sinister disposition before his lips load with a remark you know will be salacious. “I like my women loud.”

You can be loud if he wants you to be. Preferably in another place besides your car where he can thrust like a man mad between your legs and dig those gleaming white teeth into the skin of your neck—

Oh.

For fuck’s sake.

Your blood simmers in your veins at the suggestion in his words. His eyes watch your throat when you swallow a thick pool of spit and that smile grows impossibly larger, a Cheshire cat looking at you with nasty intent. He’s too aware of the effect he has on women, and you have to look away from him to resist succumbing to the seductive charm that he wields naturally.

You steer the conversation back into your hands. “You were so curious about me when we first met but I don’t know much about you. Are you here in America for a reason? What do you do for work?”

In your own line of work, observation is key; every subtle cue from your patients holds significance, revealing layers of truths that they usually try to conceal. So, when you notice the tension in Toji’s jaw at your question, the way his features contort subtly, it’s a detail you slot into a drawer of curiosity that takes part of the file cabinet of Toji in your mind.

“I’m a private investigator,” he confesses harshly, catching you off guard. It’s a revelation you don’t anticipate. His imposing features give you the impression of a firefighter or maybe even a cop. Not someone watching others in his car, bugging houses and apartments, and gathering evidence. A PI? You open that drawer of curiosity again and slot away this information as well. He shrugs away the awkwardness that your silence brings, nonchalant and dismissive, avoiding your gaze. “It pays the bills. The hours suck sometimes but…the work is easy.”

“So…naturally I can’t really ask about the things you do?” you don’t hide the inquisitiveness that coats your words.

“It’s nothing glamorous enough to talk about.” And that’s all he offers you in response.

You have a myriad of questions swirling in your mind, each vying for attention from a man who is as tight-lipped as you. How did he even get into this kind of work? Who are his clients? Cheaters, embezzlers…or criminals?

That and so much more brew in your mind, tumbling over the other but ultimately dissipating when you sense his reluctance, evident from his still-averted gaze and tense shoulders.

“What about family? You asked me about mine, but I never got to hear about yours.”

Granted, you only told him about the members of your family who danced in your backyard when you both were wrapped in one another two weeks ago. He doesn’t know about the more intimate parts of your family life. He doesn’t know about your father’s death, or the estrangement of your stepfamily. But that can come later. Toji hasn’t given you enough of himself.

Toji’s features now morph into disdain, souring the air between you. The bright emerald of his eyes dims with a grayish overcast, the liquid of the irises hardening like cooling lava.

His response is terse, laced with palpable displeasure that intensifies the acrid taste in the air. “There isn’t much to tell. I don’t get along with them, and they do their best to not get along with me either.” The timbre of his voice is lower, menacing enough to let you know it’s a subject he won’t entertain. At least for right now.

You open your mouth to speak again, to maybe apologize for making him uncomfortable, to reassure him that you wouldn’t judge him over something like this. He shifts in his seat, clasps his hands together and absentmindedly picks at a callous on the side of his thumb. The pink flush on his cheeks is not one of bashfulness, but of frustration and embarrassment. From the sliver of his eyes you can see, there is something simmering beneath the surface that might take you a while to unveil.

“I do have a son, though.” The sentence shoots into the air and down your spine with a chilling clarity, breaking the flow of your thoughts as you blink in astonishment.

Pardon???

Considering he’s a grown man a few years older than you, it’s understandable. But the notion of him being a father never crossed your mind. The concept of children isn’t foreign to you; you see and take care of them every day. It’s the concept of children coming from him that’s a new development you have to consider.

While you believe you can handle a relationship with a single father, you’re upset at being told now, rather than before.

“You were with me all day two weeks ago and you never took the time to mention you have a son?”

You don’t hide your irritation. Once your trust is lost, it’s almost impossible to regain. Why would you give away sacred pieces of yourself to a man you wouldn’t trust to hold those pieces with care?

Despite your frustration, you rationalize.

Maybe Toji was nervous to bring it up? Some people may like to ease into such topics. This relationship, or whatever this is, is brand new and smooth. There haven’t been any cracks caused by arguments or behavior that is damaging.

But this isn’t about having a job that he’s not proud of or admitting that he is not financially responsible. This is about an entire child, a facet of his life that he cannot hide away. How long would he have waited to tell you if the topic of family hadn’t come up so soon? Would he have told you? Would he hide his son away and push him off to a babysitter on date nights so you are never aware? Would he sleep over at your house, so you can’t see the room that’s decorated for a child or the toys scattered about the floor?

As you wrestle with the growing anxiety that crawls across your skin, Toji fumbles for something in his pocket, his face a satisfying beet red as you watch him hand you his open phone. Bright from the illumination of the screen, you take in a picture of a young boy who bears a striking resemblance to Toji. His raven locks spiky and disheveled, his green eyes sharp and ethereal, and he wears a bored and calm expression just like his father. The chubbiness of his cheeks and innocence in his eyes tug at something in your chest; he can’t be any older than six years old. The sight of the boy makes you think of the many kids you take care of every day, and some of the frustration subsides within you.

“His name is Megumi,” he informs you, shy despite his rough exterior. He picks at the callous on the side of his thumb again, and one of his legs begins to shake in place.

The frustration dies down more. It’s a beautiful name, and as you look at the picture, a small smile tugs at your lips. You wonder what kind of a boy he is.

“Fuck listen—just I-I’m shit at this.”

You look up at him and take in the apprehension on his face. His lips are downturned in a gentle frown, the scar on the side of his face warped along with the muscles of his mouth. There’s a sense of shame in his gaze, and it somehow makes you feel relieved to know that he can feel just how upset you are.

“I don’t date women…I fuck them and stay around until they want me gone.” He doesn’t bother to sugarcoat his words. They shoot out of his mouth, piercing your skin with their directness. It’s a little painful, and you struggle to absorb his blatant honesty, feeling flashes of anger and indignation fill your chest as your lips part, ready to respond with directness of your own. “But you’re the first woman in a long fucking time that’s made me want more. So just…” he trails off, stuttering over what to say before ultimately growling low in his throat into silence.

You hesitate, lips flinching and syllables of fury dissipating in the small space between your top and bottom lip. “You gonna let me meet him?” you snap because you’re still mildly irritated as you give him his phone and pinch the muscle of his bicep with a harshness that reflects your fading anger and your desire to see him squirm for his actions.

He swats your hand away as if you’re a pest, moving his arm from you with a sneer that holds no malice. “No let me just lock him in my closet every time I want to see you—of course, I’ll fucking let you meet him.”

You throw him a withering glare, ignoring his sarcasm, and the smirk that slides onto his lips only makes you want to either smack or kiss him. The fact that you can’t decide on which only annoys you more.

*** Toji ***

“Gimme two hot dogs and a pretzel,” Toji mutters to the concession stand attendant. It’s halftime, and the walkways behind the stands are crowded with fans hurrying to go to the bathroom, or for more food and alcohol. You stand close to him, a welcome warmth that he wants more of but refuses to ask for on the off chance you deny him. He doesn’t feel like pouting for the rest of the day.

“And what’ll it be for the lady?” the attendant asks with a level of humor that is off-putting, a smile on his face that Toji knows you itch to smack off.

“It is for the lady,” you correct, a hint of condescension falling from plush lips that you still won’t let him taste. The attendant sputters, his face red as a tomato as he takes the rest of Toji’s order, doing his best to ignore the deadly glare you shoot him as he counts Toji’s money. A snort rattles from Toji’s chest as he watches you. He’s known from the beginning that you’re fiery, but seeing it firsthand fascinates and arouses him at the same time.

This environment is different for him, odd in every way, and a foreign ground that he’s unsteady on. The celebratory atmosphere reminds him of the loud laughter and fireworks from festivals that he could hear outside the Zenin compound throughout the year. He thinks of the Tanabata festivals he never got to experience or the years of Hanami that he was forbidden to enjoy. He could only take a small bit of pleasure in cherry blossoms in the Zenin gardens, blooming and scattering their petals on the well-kept grass to mark the beginning of the season. As a child, he was never allowed much. He was seen as ‘inferior trash’ that was insignificant and unworthy to be looked at let alone talked to unless it was to yell or belittle. Naturally, his family didn’t want others to see where said trash came from if they could help it.

He can’t think about it right now—he won’t. The thought of his family brings a tight coil of pain and anger in his chest, a coil he had used as fuel to cope with his dangerous decisions.

There’s so much more that he needs to focus on, like the fact that you’ve already taken a big bite out of one of your hot dogs. Half of it has disappeared from your hand, and there’s ketchup on the edge of your mouth as you chew. He notices the way you shift your hips from side to side in your seat, and the satisfied hum that escapes your throat. You’re satisfied, and while you eat with manners, you don’t hide your boisterous enjoyment, finishing one hot dog and moving on to the next, your pretzel wedged between the meat of your seductive thighs.

He’s been trying to be respectful all day ever since you denied him a kiss in the kitchen, but you’re tempting him. When you answered the door earlier in the afternoon, the hand that was in his pocket pinched the side of his thigh until the shameless thoughts could fade away.

You’ve graced his presence with shorts and a jersey, a yellow and black number that lays against your chocolate skin in a way that still seems to make you glow in the setting sun. No braids this time, your natural curls have fallen from your bun after screaming so much, framing your face and causing your gold hoops to wink at him. You didn’t wear makeup that night when he met you, so the sight of eyeliner on you today, and the way it accentuates the curve of your eye and the heaviness of your long lashes, it makes him shift in his seat.

He’s had to clench his jaw and bear the pain of his teeth grinding against each other to stop himself from ogling at the mouth-watering canvas of your legs. You’re all curves with dimples at the bottom of your thighs when you sit, and his gums ache to sink into the flesh so you can squeal and beg for him to touch you where you want it most. It’s been weeks since that night and he’s feigning for more. When you smile at him or shoot him a glare, it reminds him of that commanding aura you had in the backseat of your truck, and the back of his neck prickles with sweat.

While the thought of you skinning him alive if he decides to be a Neanderthal turns him on, he wants to be civil. In your kitchen earlier today, you allowed him to get close enough to feel the heat radiating from your skin, to catch the scent of coconut from your curls, tantalizing his senses until your firm ‘no’ sobered him up immediately. It was a stark reminder of who you are, and how little you tolerate.

He'll behave.

His eyes catch you guzzling down five heaping gulps of your beer, the foam coating your upper lip. You wipe it away with your finger, sucking the digit into your mouth, and popping it out completely oblivious to how sinful you look and Toji’s catapulted into that day when you sucked your own cum off his fingers.

He has to behave.

The vibration of his phone in his pocket sours his mood immediately, turning his gaze from your form as he digs into his pocket. It’s the third time it’s buzzed today, and he knows who it is. No matter how hard he tries to ignore it, he can only put off his job for so long.

Unknown: Good job on the assignment last week.

Unknown: Your pay should be in your account by tonight.

Unknown: There’s another contract for you if you’re interested. Message me back and I’ll send you details.

“Everything okay?” Your voice pulls him from his phone, and he meets your curious gaze, one of your elegant eyebrows lifting in question as you assess him. “Something with work?”

“Yea,” he replies and regrets it immediately.

Lie #1

It’s not a complete lie—it is work—but the details…

Toji takes a long swig of his beer, attempting to soothe the shame that washes over him.

You really are a screamer.

Toji sits back in his seat, watching you with a wicked smile as you unleash a torrent of colorful language that makes his cock twitch. Even though you roar with the crowd, your voice rises higher.

“That’s a fucking flag! I should come down there and officiate for you instead you stupid piece of shit!”

Your curls brush the skin of your cheeks that puff in your frustration, your arms folding across your chest as you cock your hip and growl beneath your breath. You’re easily the loudest one in this section of the stands. Rene revels in it, egging you on by rooting for the opposite team and giggling when you bark at her. Shiu is content to watch the display, a fresh toothpick in his mouth and an arm over Rene’s shoulders as he idly twirls a lock of hair at her nape. You’re all yelling and sputtering indignation as you watch the game unfold, your team losing by what Toji has learned is a touchdown.

He knew this side of you was there. He could tell in the weight of your gaze that night. It's a side of you that he did not expect to see so soon. He soaks it in. He takes in the way you cuss out the man three rows down who won’t stop glaring at you. He absorbs how high-pitched the screech of your voice makes his eardrums shake, and he revels in the smile that forms on your lips when your team scores the game-winning touchdown.

When there are lulls in the game, you tell him about your career. You’re a pulmonary pediatric fellow at a hospital here in town that’s only a year and a half from completing your fellowship. You smile when you talk about the kids you take care of and your associates at work. You’re proud of your research and of how far you’ve come.

All of it, every part of you that you show him, is comforting. Warm despite how cold you appear. It’s a comfort he didn’t imagine having…ever in his life—especially a dreary life like his. But he soaks up this—you—as much as he can.

When the game is over, you’re elated and giggling, tucked into his side as he guides you through the drunken crowd. The moon is high in the sky, and it bathes your skin and makes you stand out in the crowd. You look up at him, smiling softly with a buzzed gaze that’s two beers deep.

“Did you have fun? Not bad for your first American game?”

“You screamed the entire time,” he teases, chuckling at the way you gape up at him and then sneer before turning away. He throws his arm around your shoulders, using the touch as a safe territory to keep his hands to himself, and pulls you closer.

You demand cotton candy which he indulges in as well before you both part ways with Rene and Shiu. The journey back to your apartment is a quiet one. As Toji drives, the warm July air fills the car, mingling with the faint strains of classic rock playing on the radio. Toji watches with flickering glances as you hum along, your eyes closed and the breeze wafting through your curls loose around your shoulders.

Something inside of him rattles. Whatever it is, it’s long-forgotten and buried deep within him, surrounded by cobwebs and dust that have accumulated over time since that dark day years ago.

*** You ***

From the short journey of his car to inside of your apartment, you repeat to yourself that you have to take this slow, for your own peace of mind.

You keep the most intimate parts of yourself locked away and only those who are worthy of you have a copy of the key. But somehow, and in such a short time, Toji has stolen a copy for himself and slotted the key into the door. But thankfully, the door is caught against the wall, hinges rusted over and ungiving.

You have to know more about him before you let him in to look at those parts of you. If you jump the gun and give him more so soon and end up hurt, it will throw you into a depth of pain that you promised yourself to never touch again if you could help it.

“You have a good time?”

Toji’s voice breaks the silence, his arms folding tightly across his chest, betraying the restlessness in his hands. His messy black locks, tousled by the late July humidity, partially hide his emerald gaze, which flickers briefly to meet your own before darting away.

Your socked feet pad across the hardwood floor, closing the space between you, and your head slowly tilts to look at him. Despite his façade of composure, his scar curves against his lips in a slight twist, twitching as he tries not to frown. Thin eyebrows pitch down in frustration, and you catch the way his fingertips drum against the skin of his biceps. He’s fidgety—nervous. Is he upset with himself? Ashamed that he couldn’t take you out on a proper date with dinner and a movie like everyone else expects?

Hopefully, he will learn that you go against the grain of proper in so many ways.

“I had a great time,” you confess softly, noticing the subtle relaxation in his stance at your words. The thrumming of his fingers stop, the tension in his shoulder fades. “You wanted to take me out and I let you. That all you want from me?”

He’s such an expressive man.

His face twists, perturbed by your bluntness and the prospect of delving into emotional territory. “I told you already that I want more.”

His declaration sends a fluttering through your heart that is reminiscent of the feeling you had when he surprised you with a slice of yellow cake. It’s comforting, and you want to lean into it. But it’s not enough to overwhelm you. You’re still in your right mind and still aware of your expectations even though he captivates you.

You press your finger into the firmness of his chest, hard so that the muscle pillows around your digit. The gaze you shoot up at him is unyielding, serious, and menacing enough that he straightens his spine just a little.

“Listen to me, because I’m only going to say this one more time. I don’t do situationships. I don’t do friends with benefits or the occasional hookup. I’m not saying things need to be serious with us but…you need to show me that you mean it.”

As you speak, you assess Toji, who shows no signs of amusement or ignorance. His posture is rigid, his back ramrod straight, and his deep green gaze locked onto yours.

“That night we had was great. I won’t deny that but…I won’t compromise my expectations and I don’t tolerate bullshit. I’m not going to let you fuck me just because we did it before. You want more? I want you to try. Earn me.”

You relish in the way his eyes widen, contemplating your words and the severity beneath them before his face smooths back into its usual cool demeanor. He unfolds his arms from his chest, and you curse inwardly at the way you immediately watch his shirt stretch across defined pectorals.

“You know you’re a feisty little thing.”

Heat from the way he speaks and annoyance at his lack of attention flare within you like wildfire. You open your mouth to yell, to bark at him to be serious, but the sound of his laughter extinguishes that fire inside of you instantly.

He doesn’t offer an apology for his comment and you don’t need one. You know you’re feisty and steadfast. It’s the only way you can function around men to survive, to stay afloat and still have a grasp of who you are. And if Toji couldn’t handle it, you definitely wouldn’t have slept with him or entertained a date that you thoroughly enjoyed.

“I’ll try,” he finally offers, voice soft but filled with conviction. Normally the small remark would offend you, but surprisingly coming from Toji, it’s enough.

Observing his behavior today and a little bit two weeks ago, you note his acceptance of your quirks and individuality—at least the bits you allow him to see. He marveled at the amount of food you ate and joined alongside you. He let you babble to him about every single player on your favorite team and how many championships they had won. He let you display your strength in your voice and personality, didn’t try to control or overshadow you like so many other past experiences you’ve had before learning how to rule the men in your life.

He let you be yourself.

And that thought makes you finally open your mouth to give him something he had asked for earlier, something you had previously denied despite your own desires.

“You can have your kiss,” you offer with a shrug, feigning nonchalance even though your heart picks up in speed as the implication registers on his face. “So you better do it right.”

It’s an invitation that he snatches away from your imaginary hands and tears open with thick fingers, greedy and growling with finality.

His sharp gaze traces the contours of your body, unabashed in its appraisal, leering at the pieces of skin visible to him. You know he’s been looking at you all day, but his observation now is intense, heavy and without reservation and you’re fumbling from the sudden rush of longing that pumps hot through your veins.

Toji inches closer, your hands instinctively find their way to his chest, his towering presence overwhelming your small stature. His height ignites an evolutionary desire in you that makes your mouth water, makes your cunt pulse with need beckoning for him to fill the mold he left inside two weeks ago. You’re still not used to climbing up the summit of him, so the air is thin once more, pulling the oxygen from your lungs and stuttering in your chest when a large hand cups the side of your neck and tilts your face up to him like an offering.

When his lips slide against yours, your fingers in his shirt tighten. His touch singes the ends of your nerves, boils the blood in your veins that pump fast throughout your body. Your skin is burning, searing when muscular arms hoist you up and wrap your legs around his thick waist before your ass is sliding on the cold marble of your kitchen counter, your lips still sealed against his.

There’s so much of this that feels like that night at your uncle’s. So much and yet not enough.

He drowns you with his touch, digs his fingers into the plump flesh of your thighs before yanking you, hard and with unforgiving impatience, closer to his body. The fabric of your jeans rubs too harsh against your wet panties, digs against the sensitivity of your clit and you repress the insatiable yearning to roll your hips against his.

Toji’s large hands slide up your body, traversing the mesh of your jersey that hugs you before cupping each side of your face again to tilt you sharper in the way he wants. Blue raspberry from the cotton candy you both indulged in after the game coats his tongue that licks your bottom lip in a silent request for entrance, and you grant him access, surrendering a whimper into his mouth as his tongue slides sinfully against yours. Tastebuds kiss your own, slide against them with whispered promise of satisfaction if you just relax and melt further into him. Just a little.

But you can’t, god you can’t.

You’re losing control and you have to stay strong. You have to stay above the waters of logical thinking even though you’re sinking with every stroke of his tongue, with every sweet, hot breath into your mouth, with every inch of flesh that your fingers dig into his chest because you need more. More than a kiss, more than what he’s offering, and you know he can give it to you. Toji can pull you into the inferno he’s raging inside of your body until your clothes are scorched off and his skin is sliding against yours sweaty, sticky, and undulating with every roll of his hips.

But he doesn’t give you more. He doesn’t pull you further into that fire.

The intensity of his kiss dies down slowly, his lips pulling away from yours with a wet smack as you pant along with him. Toji kisses your lips once, then twice, nips your bottom lip to seal everything he’s given before smirking down at you. Too devilish and arrogant and you don’t have a working brain cell in your head right now to correct him. His hands that cradle your cheeks slide down to your upper arms, giving them a gentle squeeze before he speaks.

“You still gonna let me be nice to you?”

His words are an echo of that night, his own way of telling you that he’s here. That he wants more—that he wants to give you more. You just have to let him.

With your head still swimming and the pulsing between your legs refusing to calm, you want him to be more than nice right now. But remembering the boundaries you have set, you nod instead and sigh into him when he kisses you one last time, sweeping his blue raspberry-flavored tongue against yours before pulling away, acting as though it’s nothing, as though you’re not sweaty at the small of your back and trembling with desire.

“Lock the door for me,” he commands, words devoid of a questioning tone, but filled with a sense of security and protection that you lean into.

“O-okay,” you manage to breathe, your heart slowing back into sinus rhythm, only to jump again as he places one final kiss on your lips, then your nose. You frantically bat him away before you lose consciousness, because any more and you’ll drag him into your room and disregard everything you said five minutes ago.

You watch him saunter away, pull his keys from his pocket, and twirl them in his hand before winking. “I’ll text you.”

It sounds so ridiculous coming from his lips, from a grown man who looks as if he doesn’t even know what a cellphone is, let alone a text message.

But it still makes your heart jump all the same.

You can only nod in response because your throat is too dry and heavy in the back of your throat with each swallow you take. You follow him to the door and roll your eyes at his annoying smirk before he closes the door behind him, casting your apartment into silence.

Your fingers wobble as they turn the locks of your door into place. You’re lightheaded, brain flitting through salacious memories of what you both did weeks ago and what you could easily be doing now.

You throw your back against the door and sag to the floor with an annoyed sigh.

*** Toji ***

Unknown: There’s another contract for you if you’re interested. Message me back and I’ll send you details.

Toji: I’m interested. Send me what you have.

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tenlittlepandas · 11 months

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Cottage Living 4t2, Part 2: Diamond Windows

Hello, me again, back at it with the cozy. Lemme tell you these were a labor of love. Definitely love and not any other feelings. So here's the rundown on these guys. You may notice that I chopped all the shutters off. This is because I love subsets and infinite color potential. (The shutters are forthcoming but file sizes get big fast for single uploads.) I overhauled the original textures completely. As you may know, Maxis is not as completionist as we simmers, and not every possible color combination was represented. I cut apart all the pieces and pasted them back together with matching parts, recreating a few that only existed for one section but not another. I also edited off the shadow marks painted on the frame so that it won't look stupid if you want to use them without shutters. All that to say, if you want to recolor them, I highly recommend using one of my textures to start with instead of pulling the originals. So:

01 Henford Stone Diamond Lattice Window 02 Sweet Country Air Window by Wee Windows Inc. 03 The Daintiest Window by Wee Windows Inc. 04 Sonnet-Worthy Double Shuttered Window 05 Slightly Larger Sonnet-Worthy Double Shuttered Window 06 Henford Stone Circular Window

Featuring!

two subsets (outer frame and latticework)

eleven recolors (swatch included)

glass is repo'd to a basegame window so it will pick up your default

all have diagonals

created in UC but should be basegame compatible

I am aware that many of these would benefit from completer add-ons but I'm just. So tired of wall masks rn :/

DOWNLOAD (SFS) | DOWNLOAD (DB)

#sims 2 download #s2cc #ts2 cc #4t2 conversion #ts2 download

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styleslouis · 5 months

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phil is a leader. he delegates wonderfully, he keeps the morale up, he makes sure they all know that the most important part is they are all having fun. he's diplomatic, he listens to them all, but he also stands up for his team. he gets the job done, but he also keeps them grounded.

cellbit as a second in command is strategic. he's single minded, he is competitive and ruthless, he's great at doing the maths and creating realistic plans that can make them win because of the percentages. he's good at understanding the rules of the game and being one step ahead. he knows how to adapt, but he won't feel remorse about playing to win.

foolish is a builder. he knows how to observe from afar and how to think outside of the box. one of his best assets is playing with luck. he found the fastest horse, he finds 90 diamonds in one single trip, he found the wrecked ship 10 minutes before the time was up by accident. he's adaptable and chaotic and is up to anything they propose.

baghera is the glue that tie them all together. she's a constant presence, she will die to the most random mobs and spend two hours trying to get back to base, but she'll also spend double of that time preparing resources to tasks for everyone else. she's smart and funny and kind but she'll also be the first one to cheer you up when you want to murder or burn things.

charlie is the roleplayer. he's a wildcard. he'll do the tasks and he'll kill people and he'll spend hours mining, but he'll also kidnap an npc just for fun, he'll get emotionally attached to a whale and he'll pole dance to The married man on his team. he'll prioritize having fun and being a breath of fresh air for his teammates.

jaiden is incredible at manipulating and working with the cards she's been given. she'll lend the rope to the rival team just to see how far they'll go. she'll play innocent and the victim and end up running away from two kidnappers while getting away with a goblin that will benefit her own people. she knows how to play two different sides and, in the end, finish with a win for her own, third side.

carre is isolated from the team for most of the time, be it bc of language barrier or bc he doesn't know them that well yet, but he knows how to best spend his time. he will mine as much as he can, he'll listen, he's one of the best at fighting. if needed, you can call and he's ready to come running.

etoiles and roier, having arrived later, blended so well with the team. they're both teamplayers first and foremost. they can and will kill people on sight, but they'll also listen to what the others think about it first. they'll follow the rules and they'll have fun and they'll grind and they're more than capable and they'll give their all to make people happy. they'll make all of their efforts be worth it.

ironmouse and maxo, also arriving later, have all the right vibes for the team. she'll throw herself into the fire and she'll play death matches with baghera and she'll wear the gas mask even before she was choosen to be with them. he'll die to ten different mobs and get killed by his ex and he'll refuse to drink the medicine for rp purposes and he'll bring a giant bomb to the island. they belong.

#a little bit about team BOLAS??!?#and what i love about each of them #team bolas #qsmp #qsmp purgatory #team red #idk what the tags are??#my stuff txt

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bia-badoobadee · 3 months

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s k i n c a r e 1 0 1

this post will go over basic information like skin type and how to determine it as well as more in depth info about types of cleansers, moisturisers and sunscreen, how to choose and apply them. Whether you should incorporate toners, essences, serums, masks, or exfoliants into your skincare routine and what to look for in them. As well as some more general lifestyle tips and what kinds of products you should be using at your current age or consider getting in the future.

To determine skin type

Wash your face and let it air dry .

If it feels tight and itchy you have dry skin . You may also see fine lines or flakes on your skin .

If your skin is oily you’ll have more visible pores and your skin will be shiny . This skin type is usually prone to acne , black heads , and white heads .

If it feels tight in certain places or has large pores in some areas but not others. If you notice aspects of both skin types on different parts of your face. Congratulations you have combination skin .

If none of these apply to you and your face doesn’t feel oily or dry then you've got normal skin .

Some people view sensitive as a skin type , I personally don't. Sensitivity can be developed or be sensitive in combination with another skin type .

As you age your skin tends to become thinner and dryer.

cleanse

The types of cleansers

Micellar water - tiny oil molecules suspended in soft water which attract oil and dirt . Especially recommended for those with sensitive skin .

Foam - start out as gel or cream and lather to foam and removes all excess oil from the skin . Which is good for combination skin

Gel - similar to foam cleanser. Good for acne prone or oily skin

Lotion - because of their consistency they’re less stripping thus suitable for sensitive dry skin

Balm - if you wear a lot of makeup, especially if your makeup is waterproof this is for your . Rub the balm over your face . They also have hydrating benefits which makes them perfect for dry skin .

Oil Based - contrary to popular belief oily skin types can use oil cleansers without fear of side effects. They remove dirt without disturbing your skin barrier or drying out your skin .

Clay - draw out all excess oils and toxins from your skin . Not suitable for dry skin as it may be overly stripping but are perfect for sensitive oily or combination .

Wipes - requires no real explanation . You just wipe your skin with the little disposable cloth .

How to use them

wash your hands so you don’t transfer more germs onto your face , that would defeat the purpose of cleansing

Wet your face

Now rub the cleanser of choice between your hands . You only need a pea to a blueberry amount . Some will foam , others will cream , and then there are those that won’t really do anything.

Rub the cleanser gently in circular motions all over your face . Emphasis on the gentle part . Use your pointer and middle finger and imagine you’re washing someone else’s face .

You should do this for no more than a minute , any longer could be stripping to your skin

If your skin is super dry you can use a cleanser once a day so you don’t over strip your skin . cleanse with product at night to get rid of all the impurities picked up during the day and in the morning all you did was sleep in a clean room in a clean bed . That doesn’t mean don’t wash your face in the morning . You should still be using water to wash your face . Not just rinsing , actually wash your face .

If you don’t have this issue you can try double cleansing . This is when you cleanse first with an oil based cleanser then with a water based cleanser . We double cleanse because not all impurities are water soluble . Double cleansing helps to thoroughly cleanse your skin . This method works well if you wear a lot of thick , heavy makeup . Bear in mind that it would be too stripping to double cleanse every day , twice a day. if you really want to double cleanse every night and you’re hydrating your skin well afterwards there should be no problem .

Protect

After cleansing you need to protect your skin . During the day you protect it with sunscreen and during the night you use a moisturiser . I have really dry skin so I use a moisturiser in the morning as well .

A rule of thumb don’t mix your sunscreen and moisturiser ( or any of your skincare products ) layer them .

Sunscreen

There are two number values on the bottle PA and SPF.

SPF stands for sun protection factor, refers to how long protection lasts and protects you from uv rays that cause sunburn. Generally SPF 15 blocks 93% of UV rays and SPF 30 blocks about 97%. Spf that is too high isn’t good for your skin but ideally you want to use spf50 when going outdoors.

PA protects you from uv rays that accelerates aging. Here you want to focus on the number of plus signs on the bottle as they indicate the effectiveness of the product.

Even with sunscreen it’s still advised you stay out of direct sunlight for long periods of time. So wear a hat if you can’t avoid it .

Types of Sunscreen

Chemical - are absorbed into your skin and turn uv rays into energy before they can hurt your skin . Sensitive skin may want to stay away from this type as it could cause a bad reaction . Don’t rule chemical sunscreen out completely though. It may have been one bad brand or ingredient . Note this sunscreen needs to be applied first as it has to penetrate your skin .

Physical - sits on top of your skin and act like a shield from uv rays which means it needs to be applied last . Because they sit on your skin they’re thicker and tend to leave a cast so people with darker skin may prefer chemical sunscreen .

Powder and spray - is more of a reapplication than a primary sunscreen . The idea is you use your physical or chemical sunscreen and every two hours you reapply a powder or spray sunscreen .

How to use sunscreen

Cleanse

Dot a teaspoon amount of sunscreen all over your face (and body)

Gently massage it into your skin . I’ll say that again : Gently , gently massage

Reapply every two hours

If you wear makeup it’s best to apply physical sunscreen over makeup as you’ll have to do so anyway when you reapply .

Moisturiser

Types of moisturisers

Humectants - attract water and slow down evaporation usually comes in gel formulas . They absorb into the skin quickly making them best for oily skin types .

Emollients - fills the gaps between skin with hydrating oils and lipids . These have a light cream or lotion consistency . This type best for dry or combination skin .

Occlusives - seals in moisture and stops it from evaporating . They come in thick creams and balms . Perfect for dehydrated , dry , mature skin .

How to apply moisturiser

Cleanse face and apply chemical sunscreen if using

Then apply moisturiser , a pea to blueberry sized amount

Dab it all over your face

Soothe each up and across your face in circular motions

Again be very gentle using your middle and forefingers

These are the foundations of skincare. Consider the next sections only after you have these first three covered.

Treat

Between cleansing and protecting comes a treatment step. this can be with a toner , essence , serum , exfoliation, and masks . All of the above if your skin can handle it. Layer them from lightest to thickest consistency and exfoliate after cleansing.

Masks, toners, essences, and serums are infused with nutrients, antioxidants, and vitamins chosen to treat specific skin concern . I have a section on ingredients to treat skin concerns at the end. When comparing products look at the similarities and differences between their ingredient lists. The order or products is usually from highest to lowest concentration.

Remember an ingredient or product that someone else swears by may not work well for your skin . this step requires trail and error, time and money . Consistent cleansing, moisturiser and sunscreen should fade most concerns so don’t fret over a treatment if you can’t afford to.

If any product you have doesn’t work for you , don’t waste the product and throw it away . You could give it to a friend with a similar skin concern to see if it works better for them .

Toner

Watery consistency , the lightweight helping it absorb into the skin quickly . Applied with cotton pad after double cleansing to hydrate and restore the PH of skin .

If the toner is exfoliating put a couple drops on a cotton pad, don’t drown it, and pass the pad once across your face.

If the toner is hydrating put a couple dots on your palm and gently pat the toner into your skin. If you need more than one layer feel free to repeat this process no more than 7 times

Essence

As hydrating and fast absorbing but thicker than toners. However they're less concentrated than serums.

Application is the same as a hydrating toner but 7 layers would be excessive, 2 to 3 should be enough.

Serum

Usually comes in a dropper . Even if you’ve double cleansed it’s imperative that the dropper doesn’t touch your face to ensure bacteria won’t contaminate the dropper and by extension the serum . Once you’ve applied the serum gently massage the liquid into your skin .

Masks

Types of masks

Using a mask once or twice a week is beneficial but remember it’s not necessary . As long as you cleanse and protect you'll be fine

sheet

Works for all skin types . There are two variations of sheet masks . The first type is a cotton mask drenched in serum or essence . The second is a jelly-like sheet infused with ingredients . Sheet masks are extremely hydrating but the ingredients infused will determine the benefits .

Clay

If you have oily skin this one is for you . It’s a combination of water , clay , and minerals that determine the properties and absorb all excess oils from your skin . For this reason it’s best to stay away from this mask if your skin is already dry .

Charcoal

These masks are best used as spot treatments for breakouts as they help soothe inflammation . Charcoal helps remove excess oils as well .

Cream

This category is for wash off masks that don’t fit into the above categories . As previously stated the ingredients determine the benefits of a mask .

Overnight

As the name suggests you put it on before bed and it works while you’re asleep . What makes an overnight mask different from a night cream are the active ingredients .

Peel off

People with sensitive skin proceed with caution . This mask will literally peel the dead skin from your face . So sensitive skin types be careful . These have no active ingredients because they’re used for exfoliating than treating .

Exfoliate

This is when you remove dead skin cells. However it is not recommended if you have any kind of skin condition like acne, eczema, etc . The most important thing is that you cleanse and protect but exfoliation can remove dry dull skin and improve circulation

Types of exfoliation

Physical : sugar scrubs , clay masks , gommage peeling , dry brushing , sponges , and cloths rubbed onto the skin in circular motions

Chemicals: like AHAs ( alpha hydroxy acids ) that’ll break the bonds holding the dead skin onto your face or BHAs ( beta hydroxy acids ) . PHAs have larger particles and work best on thinner skin. LHA is a milder BHA perfect for acne prone skin .

Oily and dry skin types would benefit from physical exfoliation but if your skin is sensitive avoid rubbing into it harshly . To avoid irritation stick to a mild chemical exfoliant . AHAs followed by cleanser and moisturiser would be perfect for dry skin . if your skin is normal or combination you'll have to experiment with both chemical and physical exfoliants. A general rule is that chemical exfoliation is gentler and therefore better . You should never be too rough with your skin .

Common skin concerns and ingredients

acne

Benzoyl peroxide, 5% for face and 10% for body

Salicylic acid

Clindamycin (with BP)

Azeliac acid

Retinol/retinoids

pigmentation

SUNSCREEN

hydroquinone

Azelaic acid

Vitamin C

Kojic acid

Retinoid creams

Caffeine creams

Steroid creams

Superficial chemical peels

Laser resurfacing

scarring

High strength retinoid creams

Deep chemical peels

Laser resurfacing

Microneedling

If thick scars, steroid injections

Subcision/ filler for depressed scars

redness

Aloe vera

Niacinamide

Chamomile

Resveratrol

Licorice

Sodium sulfacetamide

Sulfur products

Azeliac acid

Bromelain

flaky dry skin

ceramides

Mineral oil

Petrolatum

Hyaluronic acid

Vitamin E

Selenium sulfide

Zinc pyrithione

Ketoconazole

Ciclopirox

Steroid creams/solutions

ideal skincare routine at based on age

- 15

mild cleanser

spf50 sunscreen

Moisturiser

15 - 18

At this stage there’s no need to worry about premature ageing

but you might consider incorporating an acne treatment

Or a hydrating sheet mask twice a week

19 - 24

You may notice dark circles or eye bags that require an eye cream

And consider an exfoliant or vitamin c to brighten dull skin or prevent fine lines

25 - 30

You want to focus on hydrating your skin to keep it soft and supple

And incorporating anti aging into your skincare through antioxidants and damage preventing treatments

31 +

You may notice your skin begin to notice sagging, wrinkles, and hyperpigmentation

Thus choose lifting and firming products, anti wrinkle treatments, and ingredients that fade dark spots

Sun protection and hydration are absolutely crucial at this stage

lifestyle habits to incorporate

Correct any vitamin deficiencies and hormonal imbalances

Make sure you do not overeat especially on processed carbs and sugars or under eat to the point of lacking essential nutrients

Be sure to drink enough water throughout the day, the golden rule is 8 glasses a day

You may need to adjust your skincare routine depending on the season eg. Cold dry winter air may leave your skin needing more hydrating products while sweating more in the summer may lead to acne

Keep a regular sleep schedule of 7-9 hours a night on a silk pillowcase as the reduced friction can help prevent fine lines and change your pillowcases once a week to prevent bacteria build up

80 notes · View notes

eddiemunsons80sbaby · 4 months

Text

Never Say Never

Chapter 5

Pairing: SingleDad!StevexReader

Summary: You are a 32 year old single mother, raising your seven year old son on your own. After being widowed at 30 and going out on awful dates with disgusting men for the past month, you have decided that you're giving up. You already had your great love. One person can't possibly get lucky enough to have two in their lifetime. But then your son starts playing baseball and the coach might just change your mind about that.

No posting schedule.

18+ only for eventual smut

Word Count: 7.5K

1 2 3 4

You were grateful that you’d added a sweater over top of your t-shirt prior to leaving for the rink. Even with the weather warming up outside, the rink was chilly. Eli had argued when you insisted that he bring a sweatshirt, stating that he’d been so hot in his jacket at recess and would be fine, but you noticed the sweatshirt was on and zipped up now as you laced up his skates.

“Double knot them, mommy. I don’t want them loose,” he told you, a little tremor of nerves apparent in his voice.

New experiences always made him anxious. You’d explained the idea of ice skating as well as you could, telling him it really wasn’t too different from rollerblading and he knew how to do that. But if he didn’t know exactly what to expect, if he didn’t know precisely what he was supposed to do, his nerves kicked into high gear.

He was masking it well. You assumed that was for the benefit of Jeremiah. Eli didn’t want his friend to see how scared he was. But he’d rambled to you about everything that could go wrong from the time you’d picked him up from school in the afternoon.

“What if I fall?”

“Then you get back up.”

“But what if I break my leg?”

“You’re not going to break your leg, Eli.”

“I could. You don’t know that. What if I fall backwards and I crack my head open on the ice and my brain starts oozing out and then I can’t remember all the stuff I learned at school anymore?”

“Eli, you’re going to be fine. I promise.”

“What if Jeremiah laughs at me because he knows how to skate and I don’t and I have to hold onto the railing the whole time?”

“If he’s your friend he won’t do that.”

On and on it went, his ideas of what could go wrong only getting more outlandish until he was predicting that he would slice somebody’s leg off with his skate and then he would go to jail for the rest of his life. You had sighed, ensuring him that none of those things were going to happen. The worst that could happen would be he would fall and get a bruise. He was not convinced.

“Tight enough?” you asked, giving your son a reassuring smile.

“I think so,” he replied, twisting his foot around and around as if checking if they were going to simply fall off his foot. He leaned down, his mouth right next to your ear, whispering, “Mommy, are you sure I’m going to be okay?”

“I promise.”

“Will you hold my hands?”

“I can but honestly, I’m not that good of a skater either. I don’t know how much help I’ll be because I’ll be trying to stay on my feet too. Jeremiah’s dad said he would help you if you need him to and I think he’s pretty good at this. Would you like me to ask him if he’ll hold your hands?”

Eli bit his bottom lip, the skin already peeling in spots from him worrying at it the whole way here. He sat for a moment, considering your offer, and then nodded, eyes wide.

“You think he’ll do it?”

“I know he will. Coach Harrington is a really nice guy.”

“Yeah, he is. He said I can call him Steve. Is that okay?”

You smiled, your hand running assuringly over the front of his shin, “If he said it is, then of course you can.”

“Are we all ready?” called Steve, him and Jeremiah standing, all skated up and steady, next to the ice.

“Yep. All good,” you told him, standing, holding your hand out to your son. Eli took it, stepping hesitantly with you over to the ice. You leaned into Steve, asking quietly, “Eli wondered if you might be able to hold his hands at first?”

Steve knelt down, eye level with your son, “You a little nervous there, kiddo?”

Eli swallowed, nodding, his eyes focused down on his feet. Your heart contracted, knowing it took a lot of courage for your son to admit that in front of his friend and a man he admired and looked up to.

“I was really nervous too,” Jeremiah told him. “I mean, I don’t remember because I was only three but I’m sure I was. My daddy held my hands the whole time. He’s a really good skater. He’ll make sure you don’t fall.”

You smiled, “See? Now we just have to make sure that I don’t fall.”

Jeremiah stepped up to your other side, taking your hand in his little one, “I’ll make sure you don’t fall. I’m a really good skater too. You can skate with me.”

“Wow. Thank you so much,” you gushed. Steve had taught his son well. He was just as kind as his dad and your heart melted at his offer even if there was no way this tiny boy was going to be able to support you on the ice. “I feel so much safer now.”

Jeremiah beamed at your praise, glancing over to his dad, “My daddy says that we are supposed to be gentlemen and a gentleman wouldn’t let a lady fall down and get hurt.”

“Well,” you replied, your eyes on Steve’s, “you have a really good daddy then because he’s raising one amazing little gentleman.”

You caught the flush that crept up Steve’s neck at your words as he took both of Eli’s hands in his. Stepping back onto the ice, he waited for Eli to step on. It took him a couple tries, the feeling of the slick surface making him hesitate but finally he had both feet on the rink.

“Alright kid, we’ll go slow, okay? Just so you can get a feel for it. Have you ever gone rollerblading?”

Eli nodded, “Yeah. Mommy and I rollerblade at the park sometimes.”

“Perfect. It’s kind of like that but you’re on ice instead of sidewalk,” Steve explained. “You just push and glide your feet.” He skated backward, keeping hold of Eli as he hesitantly began trying to move forward. “There you go.” Your son stumbled, his body rocking and Steve kept a tight hold. “I got you, okay? I won’t let you fall. Just get used to the movement and the feel of the ice.”

You watched as Steve took your son around the rink, watched as your son’s face slowly changed from one of fear to one of joy as he realized that he could do this. Skating was not as scary as he thought. Your heart swelled at the way your son smiled up at Steve, looking at him as if he hung the moon. It was the same exact way he used to look at Justin.

You closed your eyes, silently talking to your husband in your head, the way you did whenever you were conflicted, whenever things got tough. He’d always been your person. You just wanted to know that he would understand, that he would be okay with these feelings that only grew stronger with every moment you spent with Steve, that he would be okay with another man being in his son’s life. A man that he could look up to. A man that he idolized the way he’d once idolized his dad.

Sure, Eli had Matt. He practically worshiped the ground Matt walked on but it was different. Matt didn’t give you butterflies in your stomach. He didn’t make your pulse race. He didn’t consume your thoughts and make you trip over your words and forget how to function like the grown ass woman you were. Which was a good thing, because if he did that could make your friendship with Janice quite awkward.

“Are we going to skate, too?”

With a jerk, you tore your eyes from Steve and Eli, giggling as they made their second lap around the rink, moving much faster now. Jeremiah gazed up at you, those blue eyes invading your soul, just like his dad’s did. Maybe they weren’t the same color but damn if he didn’t get his dad’s intensity.

“Yeah. I’m so sorry, sweetie. I just got lost in my thoughts for a minute. Are you ready?”

“I’ve been ready and don’t worry. I got you,” he assured you sweetly as you stepped onto the ice.

“I feel very safe. I am obviously in good hands with you, Jeremiah.”

“Yeah, I’m a really good skater,” he told you, following your lead, moving slowly across the ice. “My mommy and daddy started bringing me when I was really little. But I don’t really remember. They got a divorce when I was only four and I am almost eight. I don’t really remember when they were together at all.”

“And does that make you sad?”

“Not really. My mommy and daddy are really good friends. Mommy says daddy is one of her best friends and they just work better that way.” He shrugged. “But now mommy has a different husband so I have a stepdaddy and he’s really nice. They were boyfriend and girlfriend for a long time before they got married. He says I don’t have to call him daddy and that’s good because I already have a daddy. I just call him Jonathan. I got to be in charge of the rings which was a really important job. Daddy told me it was the most important job next to being the bride or groom because they couldn’t get married without the rings.”

You tried hard to stay focused on the child’s words as almost all of your brain power was currently being used to keep your footing on the ice. You skated close to the side, your hand reaching frequently for the rail as the top half of you wobbled forward and back in an effort to keep your balance. You had not been skating in years and yet you could recall the last time in your mind with perfect clarity.

You and Justin had been going out for two months when he told you he had a surprise for you. He would not tell you anything except that you needed to dress warm. Imagine your horror when he took you to the pond for ice skating. You had only been on skates twice in your life and it was safe to say you were not a natural. You’d spent more time on your ass than on your feet.

But he’d been so excited, believing he’d planned the perfect romantic winter date. He’d spent most of the time holding you up but it wound up being the perfect date. You’d spent most of the night laughing as you wobbled around until eventually you’d pulled both of you down to the ground. Instead of being upset, he’d grabbed onto your face, breathlessly pronouncing that he loved you for the first time. It was in that moment that you’d known you’d found the one, the person who was your other half, the one you wanted for all time, having no idea how short that time would be.

“Hello?”

“Hmm?” you replied, swallowing down all the emotion that was rising up within you as you looked down at Jeremiah.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” you assured him, blinking and clearing your throat. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Your face got really sad when I was talking about my mommy and daddy. But that doesn’t have to make you sad. I’m not sad. They’re not sad. My mommy is really happy. She loves Jonathan.

You smiled, “That’s really nice for her. It’s nice to have someone.”

“Yeah. My daddy says he is really happy too but he doesn’t have someone to love right now.”

“What are you talking about? He’s got you.”

“I know and I know he’s lucky to have me. He tells me that all the time but I want him to have someone like mommy has Jonathan. Because, you know, sometimes I’m not there. I have to be with my mommy too and then daddy is all alone. I think he needs someone to be there with him when I’m not there. Someone that can love him all the time like Jonathan loves mommy. He takes care of her when I am with daddy and they do fun stuff so mommy doesn’t get bored and she’s not alone. I don’t like my daddy to be alone.”

“Well, it’s not always easy to find somebody like that but your daddy is a pretty great guy. I am sure he’ll find somebody one day. There’s not enough guys like your daddy out there. Some lucky lady will see that.”

“Eli told me that his daddy had to go to heaven. So, if he’s not there anymore, do you have somebody to love like that?”

“Oh!” Your chest tightened in surprise and you reminded yourself that this was just a curious little boy asking a very innocent question. “Well, no. I don’t. Eli’s daddy was that person for me but now he’s gone and I haven’t found anybody else. To be fair, I haven’t really been ready to find someone else because I’ve been sad for a very long time. I loved him a lot. I don’t know if I’ll find someone to love like I loved him.” “What about my daddy?” asked Jeremiah and you stopped, grabbing onto the railing. “My daddy doesn’t have anyone and you don’t have anyone. You seem to like each other. You’re always smiling when you’re around each other. Maybe you could love my daddy and then Eli and I would be like brothers. That would be so cool.”

“I…umm…well…” you stammered, having no idea how to respond to this sweet child. Everything was so simple to them. He saw two people who were single so why wouldn’t they just be together? You wished life were as simple and uncomplicated as children thought it was. “You know, it’s just a bit more complicated than that.”

“Why?” he pressed, completely undeterred as you came around the rink for a second time. “Don’t you like my daddy?”

Eli and Steve were skating across the rink from them, no longer holding hands, your son completely holding his own. He wasn’t exactly racing around the ice but you were impressed with how smoothly he was already gliding and extremely thankful they were too far away to hear this conversation.

You released a long breath, “I do. I like your daddy a lot. He’s a wonderful person. But when it comes to relationships, there’s a lot more that goes into it than just both being alone. I mean, maybe your daddy doesn’t like me.”

“He does. I know he does. He’s always smiling when you talk and he keeps wanting to do stuff with you. And he thinks you’re really pretty.”

“He what? Wait. How would you know he thinks I’m pretty?”

“I asked him.”

“Why would you ask him?”

Jeremiah rolled his eyes, “Because I want you two to love each other so my daddy isn’t alone. I already explained this. So, I asked him if he liked you and he said yeah. And then I asked him if he thought you were pretty because I think you’re really pretty and he said you’re beautiful. So, that’s even more than pretty. That’s like super pretty.”

Grabbing onto the edge of the glass, you closed your eyes, inhaling slowly through your nose. This was a lot, like far more than you’d been expecting. In fact, you hadn’t been expecting it, especially not from his seven year old son.

“You know what? I think I need a break,” you told him with a smile. “It’s a lot of work to skate. I’m just gonna go sit down for a bit and watch you guys. How about you go skate with your daddy and Eli for a bit?”

“Okay. But maybe think about loving my daddy. He’s a really good daddy and I think he would be a really good husband. I mean, my mommy says he wasn’t a bad husband. He was just not right for her. Maybe he could be right for you. And Eli and I both think being brothers would be awesome.”

Jesus Christ. You were going to have a full blown panic attack in a minute if you didn’t get out of this conversation. And on skates, that could be more than hazardous. Husband? You’d only known the guy for a little over a week and seen him less times than you could count on your hand. You hadn’t even been on a date and your kids were planning your wedding and being siblings.

You slowly stepped over to the bleachers, plopping down heavily on the cold metal. Three things. You needed three things. Steve with a huge smile as he reached for Jeremiah’s hand. No. Anything but him right now. The lady’s bright pink sweater just down the bleachers from you. Okay. Sound. You closed your eyes focusing on the skates as they sliced over the ice. Movement. You pointed and flexed your feet in the skates, grounding yourself, bringing yourself back from the brink of losing your shit in front of all these families enjoying an evening of fun.

Okay, you were okay. You were fine. It was just a child asking you innocent questions. Of course best friends dreamed of being siblings. Of course him and Eli had concocted some insane idea so they could be together all the time. That’s what best friends did. They weren’t thinking about anything rationally because they were seven. It didn’t mean anything.

Slowly, you opened your eyes and shrieked, jumping, when you found the exact pair of hazel ones you’d been trying not to think about looking at you with concern. Steve’s brow was furrowed, adorable little lines appearing between them that you itched to press your thumb to and smooth down.

“Hey, are you okay?”

___________________________________________________________

For a kid who’d had a deathgrip on his hands just five minutes ago, Eli was now skating next to him like he’d been doing it for years. Sure, the kid wasn’t flying but he was gliding those skates like it was nothing. He grinned up at Steve and as a dad he knew that grin well. It was the grin that was full of expectation, waiting for you to confirm they were doing well and you were proud of them.

“I got to say, kid, you’re a natural,” Steve told him, turning his body to skate backwards in front of him. “I would never know this was your first time on skates if I was just watching you now.”

“It’s not that hard,” Eli told him. “It is a lot like rollerblading. I was just being a big baby.”

“Oh, I don’t want to hear you say that. You weren’t being a baby. You were being really brave.”

“It’s not brave to be scared.”

“Of course it is. Being brave doesn’t mean you’re not scared. Being brave means you do something even when you’re scared. Even the bravest people are scared sometimes.”

Eli frowned, “So, do you think my daddy was scared sometimes?”

“I’m sure he was. Everyone gets scared,” Steve answered, knowing he would need to tread carefully. He didn’t know the full story with the dad and he didn’t want to say too much.

“But my daddy was a soldier. He was a marine and marines are supposed to be strong and brave and not scared of anything. My daddy was a hero.”

Well, that explained a lot. Steve wondered if that was how he’d lost his life. It would have been sudden, a knock on their door that no family ever wants to receive. No chance to say goodbye. Just here one moment and gone the next. No wonder this kid loved superheroes. His dad had been a living, breathing version of it.

“Even soldiers get scared. They go to really scary places sometimes and their jobs are very dangerous all the time. But they still do what they have to do. That’s what makes them heroes. It must be pretty hard not having your daddy around.”

“Yeah. Sometimes. But it’s really hard for my mommy. She tells me stories about him all the time because I only remember a little bit. Like, I remember him taking me to the zoo and putting me on his shoulders so I could see the gorillas. But mommy tells me all the stuff. We talk about him a lot. But then she cries.”

“She does?”

“Uh-huh. She thinks I can’t hear her but I can. She cries sometimes at night after we talk about him. She says he was her person. It makes her really sad because he left and now she’s all alone.”

“It’s tough to be alone,” Steve agreed, a lump the size of one of the baseballs he used at practice forming in his throat.

He hadn’t lost his wife in death but he’d lost her all the same. And in the end, it had been for the best. He knew that. Him and Nancy were completely wrong for each other. But sometimes he missed that easy companionship, having someone to come home to, someone to talk about your day with. He knew how lonely alone could get.

“You’re alone too, right?”

“Well, yeah. I mean, I guess I am but Jere’s mom didn’t go to heaven. She just lives in a different house now.”

Eli’s lips pursed thoughtfully, “Yeah, but you live alone. I mean, when Jeremiah is with his mommy.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Jeremiah and I were talking at school about how you’re alone and my mommy’s alone. So, we thought maybe you wouldn’t have to be alone if you were together. I mean, it would be so cool if we could all live together and then I could be with Jeremiah all the time. We could have all our toys to play with and then I would have a dog too. And then…” He looked down at his feet, his voice going quiet. “Then I could have a daddy too.”

Steve swore he heard the ping as his heart fractured like a piece of the ice that was beneath them. He slowed his skating, slipping around next to Eli again. This sweet little boy just wanted a dad and while it didn’t make any sense logically, he wasn’t logical. He was only seven. And he and his son had devised what they thought was a very logical plan. Just put them together and instant family. Unfortunately, it didn’t work that easy.

“I mean, Jeremiah says you’re a really good dad. I think you’re a really good dad. You’re really nice and you’re fun. You’re good at teaching. You’re teaching us how to play baseball and you taught me how to skate. And you make my mommy smile. Jeremiah thinks it would be good because you could have my mommy to take care of you when he’s not there. And my mommy needs someone to take care of her. I try but I’m just a kid. She needs an adult.”

“Oh, kiddo…that sounds like such a good plan but it’s not quite that easy.”

“Why not? You like my mommy, right?”

“I do,” Steve sighed, looking over to where you and Jere were skating hand in hand, deep in conversation. He wondered if you were in the midst of an uncomfortable conversation just like he was. Did the boys plan this little ambush? “Eli, I really do. Your mommy is pretty amazing.”

“She likes you too. I heard her talking to Aunt Janice and she said you are so cute you should be on tv. She also said you’re perfect. She’s trying real hard to find something wrong with you. I don’t know why.”

He couldn’t deny the thrill of happiness that coursed through his body at those words. Could the little boy have heard correctly or was he twisting his mom’s words into what he wanted to hear? Did you like him the way he liked you? Because he liked you, possibly too much and it only got worse the more time you spent together.

“Trust me. I’m not perfect,” he chuckled. “She could find plenty of things wrong with me. She doesn’t have to look that hard.”

“I don’t think anything’s wrong with you. I think you’d be perfect for my mommy and me. And I’ve always wanted to have a brother or sister because I think that would be fun. We could be a really great family. We could play games and go on picnics and go to the zoo. And you could kiss my mommy like the other daddies kiss the mommies and she would be happy.”

“Oh, kid. It’s so nice that you think I would be…I mean…that means a lot to me. I just…”

“Daddy!”

“Jere!” Steve exclaimed, extremely grateful for the interruption because he had no idea how to respond without absolutely breaking this little boy’s hopes, dreams, and his sweet little heart. “Did you make sure Eli’s mommy stayed on her feet?”

“I sure did!” he stated proudly. “But she said she needed to take a break. I think I made her sad.”

“What do you mean you made her sad?”

Jeremiah shrugged, his lips mashing together, “I don’t know. I was just telling her how I think you and her should be each other’s person so you don’t have to be alone. And I told her how pretty you think she is. And how I think you guys could love each other so you wouldn’t have to be lonely anymore.”

“Jesus Christ,” Steve sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He’d had these boys all wrong. They weren’t innocent little seven year olds. They were devious masterminds who’d managed to ambush both of you tonight.

“I was telling your daddy the same thing!” Eli grinned, the two boys winking, very obviously, at each other even though they obviously thought they were being sly. “I told him how it would be so cool because then we could be brothers too and we could be together all the time!”

Steve’s eyes searched for you, finding you stumbling over to the bleachers. You sat down hard, your eyes scanning the rink as if you were searching for a lifeline, something to save you from his son and his meddling. Shit. He needed to fix this. How he was going to fix this he had no idea but if he didn’t do something you were never going to want to hang out with him again. You’d probably run as far and as fast as you could and then he’d never get a chance to ask you out and his son would never get to hang out with his best friend again.

“You know what? How about you two boys skate around for a bit? I’m just uh…I’m gonna go check on Eli’s mommy, okay? I think I could use a little break, too.”

The boys turned to each other, identical grins mirroring one another. Those two little mischief makers clearly thought they’d succeeded at something, not realizing what a disaster they’d created. Those sweet, hopeful little faces threatened to turn that tiny fracture of his heart into a full shattering. He hated disappointing them. He hated destroying their belief that life could be as simple as two people coming together just because they were alone and it magically worked out, becoming happily ever after.

But he knew better. He knew that life was never that easy. It was never that simple. Just when you thought that you had it all figured out, you realized you knew nothing. You did everything you were supposed to. You had the job, the wife, the kid, the house…and somehow you’d still managed to do it all wrong. You grasped onto the girl from high school because you wanted to be someone’s everything, you wanted someone to be your everything. But you couldn’t be everything to the wrong person, no matter how hard you tried.

But you…maybe you were the right one. It sounded nuts. He’d only known you for a handful of days. How could he possibly know if you were right or wrong? He didn’t but damn if he didn’t want to find out.

As the boys hurried across the ice, giggling, he made his way over to you. Your eyes were closed and you were flexing your feet. He had no idea what you were doing. Had you strained something when you were skating with Jeremiah?

He leaned down, hands on his knees, eyes on your lips. Those perfectly pink lips, like a sweet candy that would melt on your tongue, the sugar slowly dissolving until it coated your entire mouth in such a delightful and satisfying way. He wanted to know what they tasted like. His fingers dug into his knees as he used every ounce of self restraint he had to not make a move.

Your eyes slowly opened and then you shrieked, eyes like saucers, as you jerked back like he was the boogeyman. Damn, he probably shouldn’t have stood so close to you when you weren't aware. He probably looked like some creep, sneaking up on you, but he’d just been so lost in how goddamn beautiful you were. Were you even aware of how stunning you were? You didn’t seem to.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked cautiously.

“Me? Yeah. I’m fine,” you replied, appearing anything but, your teeth worrying at your lower lip.

Steve wanted to say something. He wanted to make this better but he had no idea what to say. If he asked you if Jeremiah had been trying to set you two up, then he was just opening up the opportunity for embarrassment. Maybe it was better if you didn’t know that he knew what the boys were up to…or that your son had been involved in it too. But if he didn’t acknowledge it, would that be worse? Would you be uncomfortable and start avoiding him?

“You sure? You came off that ice pretty quick.”

“I haven’t done anything on these skates pretty quick,” you chuckled. “Yeah. I’m fine. I just needed a little break and Jeremiah had to be getting bored skating around all slow with me.” You smiled fondly, gesturing to where the two boys skated next to each other, identical grins on their faces. “See? He’s having much more fun.”

Alright. You obviously weren't going to bring it up so maybe he shouldn’t either. You didn’t appear to be panicking or searching for the quickest exit. Maybe it was fine. Maybe you’d just taken it as a seven year old boy’s excited imagination.

“Well, I could help you,” offered Steve. “If you wanted to keep skating. Eli seems to have a pretty good handle on it now. I don’t think he requires my assistance anymore.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that. I’m sure you’d have more fun without being slowed down by my lack of skills. I can just sit here and watch all of you. Really, it’s fine.”

“I don’t mind. I would definitely have more fun skating with you than skating alone.”

Your eyes locked on his, a small smile appearing like a crescent moon on your lips. That smile, the small crinkles that formed in the corners of your eyes, was enough to make him forget his own name. You offered him your hands and he took them, lifting you to your feet.

“You must be a glutton for punishment,” you teased, stepping forward toward the ice as he stepped backward. “First, you take on my son who has never skated and then the grown woman who is clumsy enough with her feet flat on the ground. Putting me up on a thin strip of steel on a slick surface is just asking for trouble.”

“Don’t you take Eli rollerblading?” he questioned, guiding you onto the ice.

“I do but I’m not very good at that either. I tend to just walk the loop while he rollerblades,” you admitted, your torso wobbling back and forth as you slowly slid one foot in front of the other. “I can see him because it’s a half mile loop that’s all open. I tried rollerblading and I wound up with a scrape on the palm of my hand and my knee. After that, I figured it was safer if I just watched.”

Steve chuckled, “Don’t we teach our kids to just get back up if they fall down and try again?”

“Yeah, well, that’s easy for them. They just bounce. Once you hit thirty, you are far more likely to break.”

“Jesus, we’re not eighty. You’re not going to break a hip,” he teased, shaking his head.

“Of the two of us, who is a medical professional?” you shot back, lifting your eyebrows, the look on your face challenging him to try to counter you.

“Okay. Fair enough. You definitely know more about the human body than me. Although I’ve had no complaints about my knowledge of how a woman's body works before.”

Jesus Christ, had he really just said that? Based on the way your mouth hung open, your eyes as round as an owl’s, he definitely had. What was wrong with him? That was the complete opposite of taking it slow, getting to know you, just being your friend. Your face looked as warm as his felt.

Your lips pressed together but he could see the hint of a smile turning them up in the corners, “I’m sure you haven’t.”

Steve winced, offering you what he hoped was as self-deprecating a smile as he could manage, “I did not mean that the way it came out.”

Your head tilted, your eyes dancing under the lights of the rink, “And how else could you possibly mean that?”

“I…well…I mean…” Steve sighed, groaning softly as he shook his head. His hand itched to run through his hair, the way it always did when he was nervous, but he couldn’t because his hand was currently occupied, helping the girl he’d just humiliated himself in front of, stay upright. “Alright. I guess there’s really no other way to take that. I’m sorry.”

You shrugged, laughing softly, and it was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard. It was like the breeze hitting wind chimes on a summer’s evening, like the sound of bells ushering in the holiday season, like a spring rain melodically pinging against the windowpane, or the crackling of a fire so warm and soothing. He wanted to curl up in that sound, to hear it every single day, to be the reason she made it.

“You can relax. I’m not offended. It would take a lot more than that to offend me.”

“Good to know because my foot seems to be constantly stuck in my mouth. This will definitely not be the last time that I say something stupid in front of you.” He guided you to the middle of the rink as the boys looped past them, waving and smiling. “Man, for being as scared as he was, Eli’s a damn natural at this. Look at him go.”

“Yeah. He must have gotten his dad’s athletic ability. Which is great for him because I have none.”

“Oh, come on. I’m sure that’s not true. You didn’t play any sports in school?”

“Not unless you count drama club and choir as a sport. I mean, we went to choir competitions and we actually won states one year.”

“Choir is definitely not a sport.”

“And let me guess, you did it all. I already know you did baseball because you’re coaching.”

Steve laughed, “Just because I decided to coach for my kid’s team doesn’t necessarily mean I played. Maybe they just really needed a coach and I am trying to be a good dad.”

“Okay, fair. So, you didn’t play baseball?”

“No. I did,” he admitted. “I also played basketball, soccer, field hockey, cross country, and I was co-captain of the swim team.”

“Ahh, yes. You did mention that you were super popular in school. King Steve, right?”

“Right, but I don’t think I said I was popular, just rich.”

“Which made you popular because all the kids wanted to hang and party at your house. I, on the other hand, was definitely not popular. I was a nerd. I did drama and choir. I loved reading so you could often find me in a corner of the cafeteria with my nose buried in a book. I had friends but I didn’t really hit my stride until college. That’s when I met Justin.”

“Your husband?”

“Yeah. We all went out for drinks and he and some of his military buddies were hanging in the bar. One of the guys came over to me and my girlfriends and was being obnoxious. I mean, every stereotypical drunken frat boy line you could think of was pouring from his mouth. I knocked him down a few pegs.” You smiled, the smile soft, reminiscent, full of love. It was the kind of look he longed for someone to get when they thought about him. “I guess I impressed Justin because he said after that, he just knew he had to get to know me. I rejected him a couple times but he was damn persistent. He asked my friends about my schedule and kept showing up outside my classes.” There was that laugh again. “He wore me down and before I knew it, we were inseparable.”

“Sounds like he knew what he wanted,” Steve commented. “It also sounds like he was a pretty smart guy. He knew a good thing when he saw it.”

You sucked in a sharp breath as your entire body jerked to a stop and your center of gravity disappeared. Your torso rocked back and forth as your skates slid over the ice. Steve pulled you into him, releasing your hands to grab onto your waist, steadying you. Your arms locked around his neck in your fear of falling, pressing your bodies together, feeling as if there was no part of you that wasn’t touching him.

His heart beat rapidly in his chest, like the flutter of a million wings and it suddenly became hard to breathe because he’d forgotten how. You smiled, the shape like a comma, your lips so close to his that all he would have to do is suddenly tilt his head down to capture them with his own. And suddenly, that was the thing he wanted most in this world as your eyes mirrored the longing that was tugging at his very soul, urging him to do what he’d been wanting to do since he’d first seen you at the baseball fields. He was certain he’d never desired anything more.

“Aly?” he whispered, a question, a request for permission because he had to know. He had to be sure that you wanted this just as much as he did, that he wasn’t reading your body language wrong, seeing what he wanted to see.

“Can we get hot chocolate!?”

Hands landed on the side of his waist as the two of you blinked. He watched your slim throat as you swallowed, carefully gliding back, keeping a hold on him but far enough away to shatter the intimacy of the moment before. Steve looked down to see Eli and Jeremiah grinning up at you, their faces pink and glowy after skating for the last forty five minutes.

“Were you guys gonna kiss?” asked Eli, looking from his mom to Steve and then back to his mom.

“What?” you squeaked, shaking your head, your hands now clinging to his forearms. “No. Of course not. Why would you think that?”

“Because you were all huggy and your faces were real close and you were looking all weird at each other like in that movie you and Aunt Janice like.”

Steve’s brows furrowed as you looked at him, answering, “Never Been Kissed. But we were not…we were not looking all weird at each other. I almost fell and he caught me.”

“Shoot,” Jeremiah sighed. “Are you sure you weren’t gonna kiss? Because if you were gonna kiss, then Eli and I would be really happy. You could be boyfriend and girlfriend and then you could get married and then we could be brothers.”

“Jere!” Steve hissed, feeling your grip tighten until it was almost painful. Your chest rose and fell rapidly. His son was about to send you into a full blown panic attack if he didn’t stop talking.

“And I could have a dog because if you get married, then Miles is my dog too. I told Coach Steve that I think he’s a really good daddy and I wouldn’t mind if he was my daddy. So, you guys should kiss.”

“I…you…Eli…you told him what?” you shrieked, your hands flying into the air and then the rest of your body followed as your skates slid out from under you and you fell back, flat on your back, on the ice.

“Mommy! Are you okay?” Eli gasped, eyes wide with fear.

You laid there dazed for a moment, blinking up at the ceiling. Whether from your son’s revelation or from hitting your head, Steve wasn’t sure but either way, he was concerned. He knelt down onto the ice, feeling the cold and damp deep through the knee of his pants as he peered down at you.

“Are you alright?” he asked. “Did you hit your head?”

“I…I don’t…oh my god…” you groaned, wincing, your hands coming under you as you struggled to sit up.

Steve offered his hand and you took it, accepting his assistance as he pulled you gently into a sitting position. Laying his hand on the back of your head, he pressed gently, feeling for any kind of knot and you hissed, your teeth clenching.

“Okay. Alright. I think you definitely hit your head. Come on. Let’s get you off the ice so I can look at it.”

“No. No. I’m fine, really,” you insisted. “You guys can keep skating. I’ll just go sit for a while.”

“Not happening. The boys wanted hot chocolate so I think they were about done anyway.” He squatted down on his skates in front of you. “Wrap your hands around my neck.” You hesitated, glancing over at your kids, but then you relented, probably because you knew you weren't getting up off the ice yourself. He placed both hands under your arms and slowly stood, bringing you with him. “Keep a hold of my arm, okay?”

You nodded, wrapping both of your arms around his one and he skated slowly, leading you off of the ice and back to the bleachers. You sat down with a sigh, closing your eyes. Steve pulled out a few dollars and told the boys to go get some hot chocolate before kneeling down in front of you, starting to unlace your skates.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m helping you get these off. Unless you want to go home with ice skates on. But I can tell you, off the ice these things aren’t very practical.”

“I can take them off.”

Steve rolled his eyes at you. What you didn’t know was this was not his first time dealing with a stubborn woman. Nance had been a right pain in the ass when it came to allowing him to do anything for her, insisting she was a strong woman who could take care of herself. It was never about that. Him trying to be a gentleman was not him saying she was weak or that she needed him. It was simply him trying to be a good guy, the kind of guy who put his girl first, who took care of her.

“You hit your head. Maybe you don’t want to be leaning forward right now. I’m just trying to help.”

“I can take off my own skates.”

“Okay but you don’t have to. You could lean forward and get a sudden pain in your head or you could just sit there, stop being stubborn about it, and let me take off your skates.”

“This is ridiculous,” you huffed, folding your arms, your eyes purposely averted from him as he undid each skate, easing them off of your feet. “I’m going to go grab your shoes.”

“I am capable of walking,” you snapped, standing up. Gone was the soft smile, the warm eyes, replaced by a hard mouth and a cold shoulder. “See? Totally fine. Just…just go check on the boys. I will go get everyone’s stuff. We should probably get going anyway. The boys have school tomorrow and we don’t want them to get home too late.”

“Wait…” he began but you were already stomping away, leaving him wondering how in the hell he was ever going to come back from this.

Chapter 6

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