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braceletofteeth · 1 year

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After Inwoo escapes prison (because of course he does), Dongsik helps the authorities track him down, making it his number one priority and losing sleep over the investigation.

No one tells him that, but he knows, he knows Inwoo is his responsibility, and if anyone can find the infamous predator, it's got to be him.

More than anything, Dongsik needs Inwoo back in his cell, with his location known at all times. Only that can put his mind at rest.

For this, he's willing to go as far as offering himself as bait. At first, watched by the police, but, when it's clear it won't bring the desired result, he ditches security, going around by himself. Any place where he can be alone, with no one to witness a hunter's ambush to an apparently easy prey.

And then he waits.

And waits.

Lies down wide awake at night, waiting, and startles awake at random hours, still waiting, but Inwoo never once comes for him.

Sometimes Dongsik looks around, wondering if he's being observed from somewhere. Looks around, then looks around again. Wonders if he'd feel something different if Inwoo was close. If his senses would give him a hint. If he'd be able to feel Inwoo's presence under his skin, prickling through his veins and bones.

Instead, he only feels a void, a little larger each day, eating him by bits from the inside out, and wonders, too, if he'd know, if he'd be able to tell, had Inwoo ceased to exist.

—

(When the first of his new victims is identified as Inwoo's work, Dongsik excuses himself, leaving the operation's room and putting as much distance as he can between him and the detectives. He avoids Bokyung's eyes on the way out, walking past the worried hand extended to hold his arm as if a pitying touch now could set his whole body on fire.

The dam breaks as soon as he locks himself inside his car, safe from everyone's inquiring looks. He bends over the wheel and lets the tears fall, struggling to catch a breath. Painfully self-aware, he sees, clear as crystal, the ocean he feels himself drowning in. It's made of liquid shame, and at the bottom of it, there it is—another abstruse feeling, concealed in the dark.

Relief.)

#psychopath diary #bold of me to post this when I don't even know what it is #an anon asked me for a fluffy headcanon but all the ideas I come up with for PD are angsty 😐😐 (I'm sorry)#btw I've been thinking and #this one could become a crossover with SFH #because as a fugitive Inwoo is poor and doesn't have a place to stay (I guess??)#Eden is the cheapest goshiwon in Seoul and the people there don't mind if your face is all over the news for murder #for them it'd be like housing a celebrity :)#ALSO. The reason why Inwoo didn't go after Dongsik first thing after escaping was not because he got over him #(he can't)#but since that backfired tremendously the last time #this time he's playing the long game #letting Dongsik chase him instead #(Dongsik will figure that out... eventually.)#not sure if this has a real plot behind it or I just like the drama of it all actually #but in any case here it is

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ronanlynchbf · 8 months

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tshirt that says NO LIVE ORGANISM CAN CONTINUE FOR LONG TO EXIST SANELY UNDER CONDITIONS OF ABSOLUTE REALITY

#i literally JUST finished hill house a few days ago and i already want to reread. Badly. it's sooo so so soo sooooooooo good <33333!!!!!#also completely enamored by shirley jackson's writing style i NEED to read everything she has written ever like right now..#opening lines of ALL TIME btw 👆❗❗❗#r.txt #the haunting of hill house #ALSO i've seen commentary videos on the tv show they made of hill house but from what i remember of it it's SO different from the book???#i think they were all siblings in the show which is??????? like why would you change that part?? i love sibling relationships as much as the #next guy but i feel like the fact that none of them knew each other was such an essential part of the story like why would u change it....#also eleanor was like. an entirely different character who was also already dead in the show i believe??? and dr. montague doesn't exist??#hill house could've been really good as a show idk why they changed it up like that...like was the original story not interesting enough for #you or something?? WHO decided to make that change i just wanna talk 🤨

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originalartblog · 9 months

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Aya honey. Bra-chan's gonna go splat.

#i hope nobody did it yet i've been keeping away from the tags recently #i know we're all thinking it though skdjfhksjf #i think i'm very funny with my comedic timing btw #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd fanart #bsd aya #bsd koda aya #bsd bram #bsd bram stoker #bsd manga spoilers #bsd spoilers #bsd 109 #nawy's comics

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apollos-olives · 4 months

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one thing i love about palestinians is our accent. my mom is from jerusalem, and in arabic we call it "al-quds" but in our accent, we drop the "q" sound and the "d" becomes softer so it gets pronounced like "al-uts". which i think is so funny bc people from jerusalem are called "qudsi", and in our accent it would sound like "ootsie" lmao. my mom is ootsie 😭 i'm nabulsi-ootsie 😭😭 i think it's so cute

#i've been thinking about this for years btw i think it's actually so cute #ana nabulsi ootsie 🥰🥰#palestine

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lynaferns · 4 months

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There are two types of DCA artists evolution:

-Nose got bigger over time.

-Nose got smaller over time (almost disappearing sometimes)

-(third option) there was never a nose.

#I'm the first type #dca fandom #fnaf daycare attendant #btw I'm not criticizing or anything. draw them however you want #I'm just pointing out something that I've been seeing since the beginning and I think it's funny #most people draw the nose small or straight up don't draw it and I get it. noses do be hard sometimes

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martuzzio · 3 months

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Yes, Ren genuinely thinks cramming his wolf ears under that hat will distract people from his sharp canines, his tendency to tell Zedaph what to do, and his bad habit of barking at moving objects.

Yes, Doc genuinely thinks hanging an old rag over his face and wearing those ancient spectacles with no lenses will help distract people from... well, everything.

Yes, they're both delusional.

#hermitcraft #my art #rendog #docm77 #I'm having fun with this lil cowboy au if you couldn't tell #I just love drawing these block men in the most random outfits. It's practically all I do on this blog #Convenient strip of cloth covering the sides of Ren's head because I STILL don't know how to address his lack of human ears in a way I like #I've been drawing this man for four years. You'd think I would've figured that out by now but noooooo #We use CONVENIENT STRIPS OF CLOTH to solve our problems #Also btw Doc's design here is my standard design for him. Mans is beyond insane to think an old dishtowel will help him blend in #Like half your body is made of metal and the eye not hidden behind an eyepatch glows in the dark. Sweetie

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sunnymainecoonx · 2 months

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Been thinking 'bout Fresh lately

If you guys didn't notice I got high on crack through the middle of this

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 10 months

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Why would you—That's not—I just wanted to ask for help, why did you have to go and make it awkward???

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #xue yang #Its such a relief to not have to draw so many characters once again.#Redrawing the specific font from the English translated mdzs books was surprisingly fun!#Maybe I'm alone in this...but I think characters switching to a different font of speech for *emphasis* is peak comedy #you can't communicate voice changes of sound very well in non audio forms so this is the best I can do.#Anyways...rip Xue Yang. You finally meet your idol and he brushes you off #Rather— he doesn't live up to the expectations you built in your head #Kind of an on going issue there Jester (I refuse to call him king or sir)#XY is constantly making people out to be the versions he needed them to be to feel justified in his actions #but struggles to pivot when confronted with the fact that these ppl are *more* than just one surface reading!#wwx doesn't actually think xy is flirting. He's just tired of all the fake fans + wants to get out of this convo.#button mashing the A button to skip the unskippable cutscene #Lan Wangji is in the next comic btw. I've missed him dearly. I'm sorry he's been gone so long </3 #edit: poorly spelt MDZS strikes again. This is why I need more time to write my comics. So I can actually proofread B*(#edit2: I cast 'Power of Technology' and fixed my error. Everyone reblog this version instead please

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crocodilenjoyer · 3 months

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he's our little brother. take care of him.

anne carson - antigone / alec benjamin - if we have each other / dan pearce - single dad laughing: the best of year one / kodaline - brother

#dean winchester voice we're gonna fix you up. that's my job right? to look after my pain in the ass little brother.#[guy who's not over marineford voice] yeah i'm sooo over marineford #tried to read the manga for reference. got sad about ace and luffy again. thus the cycle continues #asl brothers #ace #luffy #sabo #riko.txt #one piece #op spoilers #kinda???? it's been out for over a decade. everyone talks about it #btw you have NO IDEA how much it took for me to not include the spn gif i made for this. or the shinazugawa bros scene. you know the one.#anyway. hahaha. heehee. hohohoho. i'm an older brother. i have a younger sister. and. i get it.#she was having a bad time a few months back and i remember telling her i'd do anything for her. i don't think i've ever meant anything more #so. yeah. i get it.

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andhumanslovedstories · 1 year

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A while ago at work, I had a patient whose condition rapidly deteriorated during my shift, which I believed at the time was due to me not monitoring certain therapies closely enough. Essentially patient had parameters that their oxygen saturations should be between 88-92%. The patient was on supplemental oxygen via a nasal cannula, and was having oxygen saturations of 95% or more. The patient later became lethargic, confused, and hard to rouse. The patient was in hypercapnic respiratory failure, where they essentially were not exhaling enough CO2, the waste product of respirations. Patients who have oxygen parameters of 88-92% tend to be COPD patients, and I'd been taught where giving them too much oxygen can result in CO2 retention.

We ended up having to call a rapid response on that patient who needed to go on the bipap (non-invasive ventilator) to help them breathe effectively, and I went home from that shift feeling certain that I killed this person. That I had triggered a terminal decline that the patient would never recover from.

(Perhaps some context here: my grandfather went into hypercapnic respiratory failure and then died within a few days. Maybe he would have passed either way, I think probably he would have, but the respiratory failure was the moment his decline started accelerating. After he went hypercapnic, he was non-responsive from that point on.)

I called in sick to my next shift because I couldn't face going in. I spent the day thinking about what I'd done, what my moral obligations were, how do you atone for something when you cannot reverse the effects of the original error, and how paralyzed by shame I felt. What did I owe the patient? What did I owe the family? What did I owe myself? How many times had this happened before and I just didn't know because the decline happened after my shift ended?

It was a productive if unpleasant day of trying to sincerely examine myself and the things I'd done wrong without flagellating myself. It'd be almost easily to complete condemn myself and to stop nursing because I'm a Bad Nurse than it would have been to acknowledge the many steps that led to this patient outcome, only some of which I had a hand in. But this was my patient. They were my responsibility. What was the right reaction to have? What should I be feeling? In the course of doing my job, I caused harm to someone I swore to take care of. I still think that I am a thoughtful, hardworking, and compassionate nurse. I don't think the hospital would be better off if I quit. But I hurt someone.

I thought a lot about how this outcome happened, came up with steps to prevent it in the future, and found a new commitment within myself for continued learning. (If you've got a timeline of my particular fixations, this is about when my determination to go to grad school began.) I also thought about how much shame was making me sick. When my patient started declining and I realized the effects of my actions and inactions, one of my first thoughts was genuinely, "Everyone's going to know what I did." It was thought with absolute horror. I'd hurt someone and everyone was going to know it. They were going to know I was bad at my job and bad as a person.

And I was struck by what an unhelpful emotion that was. How much it made me, if only for a moment, tell NO ONE what was going on and what I believed to be the root cause. That it'd be better to let the decline continue rather than intervene because if I intervened that'd be admitting that I'd done something wrong. I didn't listen to that voice that told me to hide what I'd done, but I instantly understood the power of it.

There's this thing called the Compass of Shame which is about the different ways people handle their own feelings of shame--they avoid the shame, they withdraw from themselves and others, they attack others, they attack themselves. I know my own reactions to shame and try therefore not to go with my gut instincts, which are always to say I'm an irredeemably bad person and no one can know about this and if anyone does not about what I've done wrong, I deserve literally whatever punishment they could give me. I've had to learn I can both have failed to complete my responsibilities and still not deserve to lose my job or my flunk this class or give up on college or lose all my friends. But there is something appealing about masochistic shame. Like you can prevent others from judging and punishing you if you sufficiently judge and punish yourself. You'll still be a wretched monster, but no one else needs to know that.

That's actively dangerous for patients, who are the victims of healthcare errors, and it doesn't help prevent future mistakes if we are too ashamed to talk about what happened and why. We'll just keep fucking up in the exact same ways because no one else told us how they'd fucked up that way in the past and here's how we've changed the process because of that. I therefore have an ethical obligation to not internalize shame when I make mistakes at my job. I have tried to remember that while also trying my best to not make the same mistakes twice.

And then a week later, I was sent back to the same floor with the patient who'd declined on my watch. Because I'm a float RN and therefore don't have an assigned unit, I go to different floors every night (occasionally multiple floors on the same night). I see patients for 12 hours and then almost never see them again. Since I was back on the floor, I girded myself and went to go visit the patient, who to my surprise was alert and upright and about the same as I'd seen her at the beginning of my shift before they'd gotten bad. I said hi and asked how the patient was doing, and the answer was that patient was doing about the same as they'd been doing for the last month.

This was not good news for the patient, who was still medically complex, still dealing with an extremely difficult to address condition, but they were also not in the ICU, dying, or dead which is what I'd feared. And with the new knowledge that the patient was, if not okay, than at least stable as ever despite my actions, I could look back on that shift and see it differently, namely that this patient kept continuing to go into hypercapnic respiratory failure with or without oxygen. And then I looked into what I thought I'd been negligent about before and found that the scholarship on it was more complicated and divided than I'd thought. That the mechanism of action that I thought was driving the hypercapnic respiratory failure was in fact waaaaaaaaaaay more complicated than just over oxygenation, particularly in this patient who had a number of muscular abnormalities that made much more of an impact on ventilation than the oxygen would have. And while I still had to improve my practice, upon more reflection I could no longer say there was a direct one to one of my actions and the patient's decline.

I felt simultaneously forgiven, absolved, and humbled. I cannot describe to you the almost sheepish relief that rushed over me. Nothing that bad had happened. What did happen was only ambiguously my fault.

There's a power fantasy to shame sometimes, that you are uniquely bad and that your actions have monumental consequences. My actions on the job can have monumental consequences, but usually they are little things, little cares, little turns, little med doses, little therapies, little steps, little tasks, little jobs, little kindnesses or little cruelties that help a patient move forward or which hold a patient back. I'm there for 12 hours and never again. I can do a lot in that time, but I'm not gonna cure them and I'm probably not going to kill them. It's a relief, and it's a strange disappointment. We want to be important, even in bad ways.

While I can certainly fuck things up for patients, while I can certainly kill patients or traumatize them or withhold care or misuse my position, while I can do all those things, I don't actually have that much power over life and death. Everything that goes wrong isn't my fault. And sometimes something is your fault and nothing really happens except a few people have a bad night and you try not to do it again. I think that last bit is the most important part. I still should have titrated her oxygen down. I'm more careful about that now. I'm trying not to fuck up in the exact same way. I'll find exciting new ways to fuck up, and then I'll learn from those too.

#nursing tag #this is like waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more detailed that i typically like to get with a post about my job #but i've been really thinking about it #this is the long post i said i'd reward myself with btw

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niinnyu · 7 months

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