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#but I don't think I'll seek it out very often
arabela25 · 1 year
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Tattoo, Loreen - Melodifestivalen | Sweden, Eurovision Song Contest 2023
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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i remember again n feel better hehe 🥹🤍
#🌙.rambles#thought i'd just ramble abt this to my notes but maybe a fellow wanderer wld come across this#i mean. aside from a few irls that could very much stumble across this.. i get shy n embarrassed at the though of it but OH WELL HDKGJSKDS#majority here r basically friends acquaintances n strangers that essentially don't know. like my real name or address or wtvr.#basically we don't know each other irl directly so it's somehow for some reason much easier for me to be open about how i feel in tumblr ta#s bcs 1) i write VERY long. very unlikely that someone wld read it unless they seeked it out for some reason that only they'd know#my brain's empty rn it's a bit of a mess but i feel better than just pure emptiness bcs i remember how#genuinely when it comes to other ppl.. despite how they may feel about their own selves. disappointed hatred wtvr#that. regardless of that i know that my own truth for them would be that i'll love them the same#let's say if i don't reach a certain standard for my own grades. say i usually get grades that r 90-100 often around the higher end too#but for one course i get vey slightly below the 90 mark. i'd feel like such a failure i'd feel like such a disappointment#so much so that i genuinely can't accept how others aren't disappointment in me despite how much of a failure i feel i am#turn the tables however; how do i react for others? even if. theoretically let's say they outright fail#i wouldn't think of them as anything less. it doesn't change anything bcs i genuinely love and care for the other wholly from the heart#they're my equal. they're my friend. yeah.. i rmb times in the past where i wld nearly break down from being around the passing score for#only 1 exam. i'd have friends that failed though. & i also forgot of how for other exams i basically got perfect or wtvr#it's so easy to just blind ourselves n focus on failure n forget. things that r most important#i deal with failure.. very badly honestly bcs i achieved very well as a kid. aside from stuff in filipino which uh. yeah trauma but um#maths n sciences n english or wtvr n nearly everything else i'd get easy perfects but i'd forget them over one disappointment#i struggled w that lately w my released grades n it still hurts the regret really hurts so much n i hate myself so much for it but#i'm.. trying to be kind n i've managed to feel like myself for a while today. progress. thats enough to be proud of#bcs yk knowing how others feel of their own selves n the way i treat them despite it. i cld at least try again to do the same for myself#say 10 years from now i'd be more thankful n happy if i forgave myself for it than destroyed myself in pursuit of doing better#more than. success in terms of grades i'd much rather grow n develop as a person#that said recently i've had so much anxiety w reaching out to ppl n i reply slowly but i'm trying to do better#bcs yesterday i rmb feeling so low that i really wanted to reach out to someone.. that's a whole nother lvl of pain for me bcs that means#my hopelessness reached a level enough that i knew i really needed comfort n support or i'll break#indirectly. helping you made me realize n remember myself. n i felt well enough to reach out once more.. i'm too shy to say directly but#thank you very much for that. it means more to me than you'll ever know
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rationaliity · 8 days
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voicelines about you | various ( i. )
the men's voiceline about you ! next will do a part of the women they're short because i wanted them to sound legit, which is why i did so many !! hope you enjoy anyways <33 this is all purely self indulgent because ill be real with you im not feeling very daijoubou rn
— DR. RATIO
about you : an incomprehensible yet enticing mess in the body of a person. i don't understand their way of thinking at all, and yet, it almost feels as if they understand me in a way few do. peculiar.
chat: his relationship with you : ..relationship is hardly the word i would use to describe our acquaintance. however, i suppose they are not completely inept, unlike many i have had the misfortune of coming across in my time.
added to team with you : take care of yourself. should i have to step in, i will do so to prevent some unfortunate happenstances.
— WELT YANG
about you : potentially one of the kindest individuals i have had the pleasure to be introduced to in my time of travelling the cosmos. a gentle soul like none other. they light up the world around them.
chat: his relationship with you : spending time with them has become a daily necessity for me. i find myself beginning to nag at the others when i have not spent enough time with them. march often asks me about them before anything else.
added to team with you : i appreciate your vitality, but try to take breaks whenever necessary.
— AVENTURINE
about you : quite the enigma, that one. before i even realized it, they had snuck their way into my heart. perhaps they were betting that i wouldn't notice, and perhaps.. it paid off for them.
chat: his relationship with you : they're the chip i hold closest to my chest. no.. a chip is the wrong comparison. they're the one thing i will always hold no matter the stakes of the bet. having them by my side is more important to me than any risk.
added to team with you : i'm willing to bet that the two of us together will make quite the team.
— ARGENTI
about you : the moment our eyes met, i knew they were someone of refined elegance, but i was wholly unprepared for the true beauty of their very being.
chat: his relationship with you : i feel the closest to idrila and the eternal beauty that i seek when i am with them. they bring out a fire in me that simply cannot be quenched by any other soul, as if i were a moth to their brilliant flame.
added to team with you : as usual, i find myself captivated by your beauty and grace, my dear.
— BOOTHILL
about you : i don't know another capable of runnin' things how they run things. they got my respect. well, much more than just my respect, but that ain't proper to say.
chat: his relationship with you : ain't nothin' like the nice feelin' of knowin' you're loved by someone no matter whatcha look like or what you're capable of. they've been there through it all, the bad, the ugly, and the muddle-fudgin' terrible.
added to team with you : well i'll be the son of a nice lady, if it isn't you ! let me take care of ya, sweetheart.
— BLADE
about you : they are the one clear thing i can see when the mara strikes. no matter how far gone i am, i see them - clear as the many sunsets i have seen. they are where the light meets the dark.
chat: his relationship with you : this eternal purgatory that i have been cursed with feels... less hellish when they are by my side. it is as if, for a moment, my body and my soul forget what i am. i can only believe this is their doing.
added to team with you : death comes to all, but now is not your time.
— DAN HENG
about you : they were persistent in trying to know me for who i was, not who i could've been. they are kind, more so than any other person i have come to meet. they are strong and gentle at the same time.
chat: his relationship with you : march is always telling me that i should be more forthcoming with my emotions, but they seem to understand me quite well no matter how little i speak up. i.. really appreciate and value their presence in my life.
added to team with you : i will stand by you no matter what comes our way, do not be afraid.
— GALLAGHER
about you : what a riot, they are ! their personality reminds me of the strongest and sweetest drink mixed in one delightful package. it's easy to get addicted if i'm not careful.
chat: his relationship with you : i didn't understand at first why they wanted to hang out with this old dog as long as they did, not that you'll find me complainin' or nothin'. they always seemed entertained by my stories, and i like listenin' to them yap, too.
added to team with you : have a drink, i'll take care of whatever you need me to, just say the word.
— JING YUAN
about you : fascinating, with so many stories to tell, it could keep me even busier than i typically am for hours. although i must say that i enjoy being occupied by them than by work.
chat: his relationship with you : in the middle of the mundane trivialities of life that i have grown so accustomed to with my job title, they bring an air of uniqueness and excitement into every encounter. i find myself eagerly awaiting the times we meet.
added to team with you : i trust you are able to take this on yourself ? if not, well, that's why i am here, no ?
— GEPARD LANDAU
about you : they are more carefree than i am, and while it worries me at times, i find myself drawn to their spirit nonetheless. i think i'm just drawn to those kinds of people, or they are drawn to me.
chat: his relationship with you : sometimes, i feel like i'm nagging at them, even when i don't mean to, but it's because i'm always worried about them. i know they can protect themselves but i wish they would let me do it for them more often.
added to team with you : protecting you feels just as important as protecting belobog. i will do so with my life.
— LUKA
about you : they're probably the only person in belobog who really get my passion. they give their all for everything that they do, and i'm down for it !
chat: his relationship with you : they're really good at both getting me fired up and a little more mellow, depending on what i need for the moment. they're like my personal hype man / cheer leader, and i'm theirs when they need it ! that's why we work together so well.
added to team with you : this is going to be over like that with the two of us on the same team !
— LUOCHA
about you : they are wiser than they let on, it's hard to fool them or pull the wool over their eyes. even when i think i've kept a secret close, they've long since figured me out.
chat: his relationship with you : they help me see things that i would otherwise miss on my own, broadening my horizons when i need more depth brought to me. i'm grateful for their intuition and their knowledge on the world around us.
added to team with you : combat may not be my forte, but should you need assistance, i will be at your side.
— SUNDAY
about you : they are the embodiment of the feeling of the sun on your skin for the first time, warming your soul as well. they are gentle, and pick up where i lack.
chat: his relationship with you : i do not believe i am deserving of one quite like them, but i have a hard time letting them go nonetheless. they deserve more than i can give, but that doesn't stop me from trying regardless.
added to team with you : whoever dares to lay a finger on you will be met with swift and strict punishment.
— SAMPO KOSKI
about you : a person of many talents, much like myself, although they're charging significantly less for their expertise - free. i keep saying they should, but they're adamant about being kind.
chat: his relationship with you : my partnership with them could be best described as, er, jointly profitable. i provide my excellent services, and they grace me with their presence and their wits and.. maybe i am getting the better end of this deal.
added to team with you : it's your best pal, sampo koski, at your service ! aren't you glad i'm here ?
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inkskinned · 2 years
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i. about 2 weeks ago, i was told there's a good chance that in 5 or so years, i'll need a wheelchair.
ii. okay. i loved harry potter as a kid. i have a hypothesis about this to be honest - why people still kind of like it. it's that she got very lucky. she managed to make a cross-generational hit. it was something shared for both parents and kids. it was right at the start of a huge cultural shift from pre to post-internet. i genuinely think many people were just seeking community; not her writing. it was a nice shorthand to create connection. which is a long way of saying - she didn't build this legacy, we built it for her. she got lucky, just once. that's all.
iii. to be real with you, i still struggle with identifying as someone with a disability, which is wild, especially given the ways my life has changed. i always come up against internalized ableism and shame - convinced even right now that i'm faking it for attention. i passed out in a grocery store recently. i hit my head on the shelves while i went down.
iv. he raises his eyebrows while he sends me a look. her most recent new book has POTS featured in it. okay, i say. i already don't like where this is going. we both take another bite of ramen. it is a trait of the villain, he says. we both roll our eyes about it.
v. so one of the things about being nonbinary but previously super into harry potter is that i super hate jk rowling. but it is also not good for my mental health to regret any form of joy i engaged with as a kid. i can't punish my young self for being so into the books - it was a passion, and it was how i made most of my friends. everyone knew about it. i felt like everyone had my same joy, my same fixation. as a "weird kid", this sense of belonging resonated with me so loudly that i would have done anything to protect it.
vi. as a present, my parents once took me out of school to go see the second movie. it is an incredibly precious memory: my mom straight-up lying about a dentist appointment. us snickering and sneaking into the weekday matinee. within seven years of this experience, the internet would be a necessity to get my homework finished. the world had permanently changed. harry potter was a relic, a way any of us could hold onto something of the analog.
vii. by sheer luck, the year that i started figuring out the whole gender fluid thing was also the first year people started to point out that she might have some internalized biases. i remember tumblr before that; how often her name was treated as godhood. how harry potter was kind of a word synonymous for "nerdy but cool." i would walk out of that year tasting he/him and they/them; she would walk out snarling and snapping about it.
viii. when i teach older kids creative writing, i usually tell them - so, she did change the face of young adult fiction, there's no denying that. she had a lot more opportunities than many of us will - there were more publishing houses, less push for "virally" popular content creators. but beyond reading another book, we need to write more books. we need to uplift the voices of those who remain unrepresented. we need to push for an exposure to the bigotry baked into the publishing system. and i promise you: you can write better than she ever did. nothing she did was what was magical - it was the way that the community responded to it.
ix. i get home from ramen. three other people have screenshotted the POTS thing and sent it to me. can you fucking believe we're still hearing this shit from her when it's almost twenty-fucking-twenty-three. the villain is notably also popular on tumblr. i just think that's funny. this woman is a billionaire and she's mad that she can't control the opinions of some people on a dying blue site that makes no money. lady, and i mean this - get a fucking life.
x. i am sorry to the kid i was. maybe the kid you were too. none of us deserved to see something like this ruined. that thing used to be precious to me. and now - all those good times; measured into dust.
/// 9.6.2022 // FUCKING AGAIN, JK? Are you fucking kidding me?
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youremyheaven · 3 months
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The Ugliness of Venus
every planet is associated with certain key themes but being under that planetary influence means to experience its very opposite. the extremes of anything is a meeting point for its opposite.
venus is the planet associated with love, beauty, harmony etc therefore it is unsurprising that venusian influence also subjects one to cruelty, ugliness, disharmony, violence and malevolence.
TW: this post will contain mentions of sexual harassment, rape, violence, murder, massacre, genocide, death, suicide among other things so please beware!!!
in my observations I have often found that Venusian natives are often cruel, callous, ugly (i mean this to refer to their actions/behaviour and not just unconventional appearance because "beauty" is a sum of appearance and traits- what we call Venusian refinement) hurtful, jealous and utterly lacking the charisma and hospitality for which Venus is known.
it is disturbing to think of how soooo many well known and notorious sex offenders have HEAVY Venusian influence in their charts. think of any celebrity who has had a sex scandal and they usually have Venusian placements. it's intriguing that no other planet shows up as much (in my personal observations).
Why is Venus so brutal, cruel and embracing of the darkness/ugliness of humanity?
All 3 Venus nakshatras, Bharani, Purvaphalguni & Purvashada are Ugra (meaning cruel or brutal, this is a 7 category classification in vedic astrology) nakshatras.
Ugra naks are known to be action-oriented go-getters and people who are very self-motivated and determined. Any quality can manifest in good or bad ways, so the shadow aspect of this determination and motivation is often ruthlessness, callousness, selfishness and arrogance.
This is also the reason why Venusian naks suffer. Venus seeks refinement, so an individual who does not filter out their own darkness but instead indulges in it, is inviting wrath. More than any other planet, Venus punishes its natives quite harshly and publicly. So many people who have been known to be horrible people, have been exposed, shamed and punished publicly have Venus influence.
Venus energy must be handled with care. Since Venus is love, it has a quality where it loves blindly, completely and without judgement but discretion and judgement are necessary in life. It is not good to be absolutely consumed by someone or something without considering the good and evil inherent in it. This makes Venus natives prone to evil simply because they don't see it as such. They think of it as the depths of their understanding of love, beauty and harmony. Beauty in its extreme however is grotesque, its ugliness, its frightening. Think of all those IG models who have the same face, there is a blandness to their cartoonish perfection to their proportions, it fails to evoke feeling, it fails to be memorable because true beauty is distinct and flawed, its intensity, depth and exaggerated proportions because Venus is not mild or lukewarm, it like to go overboard. Think of Angelina Jolie, her big forehead, large cheekbones, strong jaw, big protruding eyes, its a face that calls attention to itself, its not simple or readily accessible, its the opposite of the IG face where beauty is reduced to ordinary everyday blandness. True beauty is individuality.
Venusian natives are often preoccupied with good and evil, the holy and demonic, heaven and hell, this emanates from a deep understanding of contradictions and the need for their existence. Opposites are an illusion, everything is one. Goodness in its extreme is evil and the extremes of evil touches upon goodness.
So now I'll discuss certain specific examples:
Mao Zedong- Purvashada Rising
He was responsible for the deaths of close to 40 million people who died due to starvation, forced labour and others executed by the state due to their opposition of its policies.
Saddam Hussein- Bharani Sun, Venus in Revati (exalted)
Him and his party used violence, killing, torture, execution, arbitrary arrest, unlawful detention, enforced disappearance, and various forms of repression to control the population. Kurdish people were systematically persecuted and massacred using tear gas.
Hussein was publicly executed for committing crimes against humanity.
Hitler- Purvashada stellium (Moon, Jupiter and Ketu), Mercury and Venus in Bharani
I need not elaborate on who Hitler was and what he did bc we're all very familiar with him but yeah he was a Venusian. He died by suicide.
Stalin- Purvashada Mercury Amatyakaraka
I do not wish to elaborate on Soviet war crimes but Stalin had millions of people die, from starvation, torture, indentured labour etc
R Kelly- Purvashada Sun & Mercury
He is a pedophile and convicted sex offender
Marilyn Manson- Purvashada Sun
He's been accused of assault and rape on more than one occasion.
Idi Amin- Purvashada Sun
Idi Amin was popularly known as "The Butcher of Uganda." Amin overthrew an elected government in Uganda with a military coup, using lessons from the British colonial army. He declared himself president and ruled ruthlessly from 1971-1979. Once in power, Amin started mass executions of the Acholi and Lango tribes. In 1972 Amin forced 80,000 Asians to leave the country, which caused the economic collapse of the country since many were business owners. It’s estimated that through his rule, Amin killed at least 300,000 civilians.
Elon Musk- Purvaphalguni Moon
Sexual misconduct charges, labour law violations, treating his employees like trash and being an insufferable asshole on Twitter among other things. Nobody makes $100 billion without exploiting 100s of millions of people.
Jimmy Saville- Purvaphalguni Moon, Mars in Bharani amatyakaraka and Ketu in Purvashada
He was a pedophile who abused numerous children over the span of 50yrs
Peter Townshend- Purvaphalguni Jupiter & Rising, Ketu in Purvashada
He was found trying to access child porn sites
Chris Brown- Bharani Sun & Moon
He's abused several women, most famously, Rihanna
Here's some examples of people who have risen to prominence by playing ruthless people.
Kathy Bates- Mars in Purvaphalguni amatyakaraka
She is best remembered for playing the psychotic nurse in Misery
Anthony Hopkins- Purvashada Sun
He is best known for playing serial killer Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs
I know this is a very polarising topic and to any Venusians reading this, I sincerely do not wish to spread hate or cause harm, I am only trying to point out some of the things I have noticed. Does this mean every other Venusian you encounter is a serial killer in disguise? No Are all Venusians bad people? Also no. I thought it would be interesting to shed some light on the darker side of Venus which is seldom addressed if at all. Please do not take any of these observations too seriously and do not use astrology as a tool to propagate hatred towards yourself or others.
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galedekarios · 23 days
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"i'm strong enough. i'll carry on alone."
i've already made a more detailed post about the loss scene that was part of act i and gale's romance in early access.
the scene held a lot of weight and was a turning point in the relationship between gale and the protag, while also highlighting just how far gale has fallen, in terms of social standing and in terms of power:
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Gale: Khat-Tsjin Deth-Thra! Player: You don't sound very happy there, Gale. Gale: Happiness is like a stray cat: sometimes it seeks you out, sometimes it ignores you. Tonight, I'm ignored. It's getting alte. I think I'll turn in. Perhaps some sleep will do me good. Player: They say you should never go to bed angry. Gale: Isn't that advice for couples? The only one I'm angry with is myself. Please - just let it rest. Player: [Insight Success] We shared the WEave the other night. Now share what's on your mind. Gale: Very well. Just now, I was trying to cast a spell I once cast with ease, but I failed. You see, this fire - there was a time that I could make it come alive. That it would take the shape of a dragon and roar in delight. There was atime I could silence a Beholder with a word, and lift a tower from its foundations with a flourish. There was a time I was all but one with the Weave. But no more - a mere shadow of the wizard I used to be. Why? Because I've lost. Player: I don't understand. What is it that you've lost? Gale: I've lost... Player: [Insight Success] Go on. Every burden is easier to carry when shared. Gale: An apt enough observation. I've lost Mystra. I sought to impress her personally. To turn the eyes of my muse upon me. To win the favour of a goddess. But I failed, and all I invoked was death and dismissal. My death. Her dismissal. Player: I don't know what to make of what you've told me, but I sympathise. Gale: Thank you. You're a good friend. I often think of that moment we shared together - one under the Weave. I hope you think about it too.
it's a wonderful scene that offers a lot of insight into gale's character as well as his past, but what i haven't focused on in the original post is the dialogue the player would get from gale if the protag failed the check to convince him to open up and share the burden that was making him visibly upset:
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[the banter is identical with the one above up to this point] Gale: I've lost... Player: [Insight Failure] Go on. Every burden is easier to carry when shared. Gale: I'm strong enough. I'll carry on alone. Gale: With that I bid you an evening better than my own.
i think this shows a very interesting side of gale and one that we both don't get to see often and / or press him on: the side of gale that masks his worries, his fears, his insecurities and his pain to soldier on and do what he feels needs to be done.
we catch glimpses of it in the full release as well, specifically during and after elminster does his duty as mystra's chosen and informs gale of her demands of him:
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Weary Traveller: You must find the Heart of the Absolute, whatever that may be, and use yourself as the catalyst that will burn it from this world. Player: We'll be rid of both the Absolute and Gale in one fell swoop. Win-win. Weary Traveller: I may be slow to anger, but I will not have you sully this moment of most sorrowful import with ill-considered levity! Gale: It's all right, Elminster. If ever gallows humour were appropriate, this is its grim-smiling hour. Weary Traveller: It brings me no pleasure saying this, my friend, but such is Mystra's will. Yours must be the sacrifice that will undo the Absolute. And for your sacrifice, you will be redeemed - such is Mystra's promise. Weary Traveller: With that, I've said my sorry piece, and need only bestow unto thee the charm I was bid.
it's elminster who is upset on gale's behalf, not gale himself. he treats it as 'gallow's humour' - whether or not it's meant like that by the protag.
the same view he takes on shortly after, once the protag asks him how he is feeling:
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Player: How are you feeling? It can't be easy, facing the possibility of death... Gale: Oh, you know me - ever the optimist. I'm trying to focus on the positives. devnote: Gallows humour Gale: The truth is, I was living on borrowed time already. Consuming those items would only have kept the orb sated for so long. Gale: If anything, I feel more at peace than I have in months. At least now I know my death will have purpose. It won't be a distant 'bang' in the footnotes of history.
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Player: You're seriously considering doing what Elminster said? Gale: Of course - he offered the clearest solution to our problem. All I have to do is find the right place and time, close my eyes, and let go… devnote: Trying to sound upbeat, not fully engaging with what he’s saying (that he’s going to kill himself). Gale: Then the slate will be clean, wrongs will be righted, the Absolute will be gone… devnote: Trying to sound upbeat, not fully engaging with what he’s saying (that he’s going to kill himself). Gale: …and I along with it. devnote: Still trying to sound upbeat, though this time the reality that this means he will die weighs a bit heavier
the game gives you no option to press him on any of this. on this front of maintaining optimism, of gallows humour, clinging tightly to the idea of there being purpose in his own death, yet not fully engaging with what that actually means.
until he can't avoid it anymore, and even then, he carries on. we know it's already of limited comfort to him by the time the last night alive scene / act 2 romance scene takes place:
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Gale: I am terrified - I will not claim otherwise. My face could scarcely conceal it even if my words sought to deny it. nodecontext: Hushed, vulnerable Gale: There is no point in running from the inevitable. Better to meet it, on my own terms. nodecontext: Resigned
and it's echoed later too, in act 3, when he offers himself up as an out, a failsafe, for the protag and the companions:
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and it of course culminates in the scene - if you chose to take that route - which gale ascends to the elder brain alone, spelling his friends and companions away to safety.
he says he is strong enough to carry on alone, to do what he believes must be done, what's been ordained to him, by fate or by mystra, and he is. despite being terrified. despite wishing he didn't have to be.
it's an interesting aspect of gale - but his relief is all the sweeter for it when he realises that he doesn't have to be strong enough and that he doesn't have to carry on alone.
he's found friends and possibly love.
every burden is easier to carry when shared indeed.
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hamliet · 3 months
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Do you have any thoughts on how RWBY handled the white fang storyline?
Unpopular opinion: it's decent?
Now, now, before people come at me with pitchforks: yes, it's overly simplified. The entire story is a fairy tale, though, so that's not out of place. It also complements the rest of the story thematically, and manages to incorporate nuance and complexity in despite the simplification of issues.
I think it's a mistake to look at the White Fang as a 1=1 of the real life struggles of marginalized groups. That said, there obviously are parallels, and so people aren't mistaken to note those. I just think it's not meant to be an instructional manual and shouldn't necessarily be viewed as one, but rather a conversation starter in some ways. And yes, those conversations can and should include critiques.
So I'll go over the points that I think it did well and how those ties into real life, but also specifically how they work for RWBY's overall story. This does not negate criticisms, especially those by marginalized groups.
In contrast to some other fictional depictions, RWBY actually is better as well because it avoids the number one pitfall of such issues: the X-Men fallacy. I've talked about this in terms of Attack on Titan before, but essentially it's the idea that the problem with depicting discrimination against superpowered people is that, well, there is a logical reason for people to be concerned about superpowers; hence, it almost justifies that very discrimination it seeks to condemn. This isn't present in the faunus/human divide. They are both capable of superpowers.
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It also doesn't fall into another common pitfall: the idea that people have to be perfect to be victims of discrimination. The White Fang... has senselessly and cruelly murdered people; doesn't mean faunus discrimination isn't also cruel and senseless and doesn't justify it. And this is something that we do see in real life too--people trying to either completely whitewash the actions of radical anti-oppression movements, which can do awful things, or trying to use these awful things as evidence that these people deserve discrimination when really it's a result of rage and desperation at a society that refuses to give them anything. That doesn't justify the pain of the victims of the awful things (see, Weiss) but nor does it negate the righteousness of that anger.
It does portray the faunus as a fairly diverse group too, when fiction often portrays marginalized groups as a monolith. That's not true. People from one group have very different ideas about what liberation looks like, and what they want to achieve. People in marginalized groups are people, and they can be motivated by a variety of selfless principles and egotistical validation, and neither negate the other. See, Sienna vs. Ghira vs. Adam.
Now, of course within RWBY Ghira's more nonviolent principles more or less win out. That's because RWBY is again a fairy tale where you have to fight to live, but that also doesn't endorse violence. If you expected otherwise, wrong genre. Of course the real world is far more complex, but it's not as if there is no real world basis for this either. Peacemakers exist, and nonviolence has accomplished a lot before. Whether or not that's the be-all-end-all of the faunus struggle in RWBY isn't even clear, so I don't think it's intended to be the be-all-end-all preached moral as it applies to the real world either.
Story-wise, the White Fang functions as a Jungian shadow of society. If you do not take charge of your own life, you are letting others decide for you. The faunus who disagree with the White Fang take it back, because they have to acknowledge it to move forward in society. They have to integrate with it, and accept their own humanity: capable of good and what they might rather deny.
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This faction--the faunus who don't like the White Fang--are represented in Ghira, who becomes passive and steps back from aspects of the movement. However, when Blake arrives in Menagerie, this changes, because Blake's entire arc is about integration. Ghira then becomes active, working for the rights of the faunus and for the White Fang to be better rather than simply disavowing the White Fang in an attempt to be a good person, because doing nothing isn't exactly good.
On a more character level, the White Fang exists for Blake's arc. Her Jungian archetype is the Shadow. Like, it's literally her semblance's name. Hence, the idea of the shadow is gonna be important. If you want more on this, @aspoonofsugar has written a meta on it here and another here.
So, for Blake, on a personal level the White Fang (especially under Adam) represents the parts of herself she doesn't like. The part that ran from her family. The part that is violent. And yet, she cannot abandon it or simply disavow it. No, the answer is instead:
We’re not going to destroy the White Fang. We’re going to take it back.
She has to integrate with it, take the good--the righteous anger, the focus on justice and equality.
The White Fang also comments on the microcosm/macrocosm of alchemy.
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For the unaware, RWBY is an alchemical story, and the principles of alchemy are represented in the symbol for the philosopher's stone, as seen above. Microcosm: the smaller circle enclosing two people in the center who come together (hence chemical weddings). The square is the four elements: water, earth, fire, air. The triangle is body, heart, and mind. The larger circle is the macrocosm.
The Shadows for Blake on a personal level--microcosm--is Adam. The Shadow on a worldwide, big picture scale--the macrocosm--is the White Fang. Integrating with the shadow isn't only an individualistic endeavor, but also one that benefits society as a whole and brings life to the entire world. The main point of alchemy's philosopher's stone, which Blake, along with the rest of RWBY, are symbolically being transformed into.
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I think the main issue with the White Fang, by the way, is its handling of Adam. Typically you don't kill the shadow, though I do think Blake kinda had no choice. Still, I don't think the show fully explored him.
Yet what does work with what we have is that Yang has to face Adam, Blake's shadow, to be with Blake. Yang losing her arm to Adam parallels her being upset about losing Blake to fear, because symbolically Blake can hurt her deeply in the way only a lover can. Blake has to stop running from her shadow and allow herself ot be known and seen by Yang to be with her.
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fuxuannie · 1 year
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* pairing : sampo x gender neutral reader
* prompt : sampo is a lying, decieving, scum and a rat but he was still your best friend. it's another day, and it seems like he has something to show you.
* authors note : hi cale bebeloves mo 'to, quick oneshot kse mahal kita
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SAMPO didn't exactly have the best reputation in the Underworld, hell, even his friends were cautious when it came to him. But oddly enough, you were an exception. As kids, Sampo would go above and beyond to make sure you were never hurt or injured, sure he would pull a prank on you every once in a while, but one that wasn't enough to make you insanely upset or scathed.
In present day, you're both now adults with your own lives but still spend time together very often in your free time. Sampo doesn't change, and the much taller male was still the same goofball you had grown up with. Just a bit more careless about how people would feel after certain pranks, there wasn't a day where you didn't have to apologize for his behavior. You've tried to talk to him but it seems like your lectures go through deaf ears, not that you're exactly surprised.
Today was odd, you hadn't seen him at all. Not pulling a prank on the trailblazing trio, not in Natashas clinic and definitely not trying to piss off Seele (Because in truth, who would?). "Natasha, have you seen the troublemaker by any chance?" You asked as you closed the clinic door, Natasha put down the book she was reading and smiled at your entrance. "Yeah, I have. I think he's out in the mines right now. Ever since the situation was cleared, he's been spending a whole lot of time there." She explained, and you nod your head. Thanking her for the information and promising to return shortly to help.
You take one of the teleporters to go to the mines quickly, looking around for any signs of your best friend. "Sampooo?" You hummed out, there was suddenly a pair of hands covering your view. A small 'oop' escapes your lips as theres a chuckle behind you. "Well, I think I found you?" You laugh along with him, but you haven't escaped his scheme just yet. You feel him start to walk forward, and you catch on quickly that he wants to lead you somewhere.
"Just don't.. lead me into a wall, okay? My one ask."
You faceplanting into the nearest surface should've been expected, but hey, atleast it didn't hurt all too much.
Once Sampo tapped your head to signal you to stop moving, you did exactly as told. "Keep your eyes closed, oh and no peeking." He demands as he takes his hands off your eyes, you snicker a bit at the little add-on he's been saying since you were kids. Especially since you were a cheater in Hide-and-Seek.
"Okay, aaand open!"
You're met in a room surrounded by Geomarrow, even if its been all you've seen your whole life, something about the area makes it so.. beautiful. "I was doing uh.. a bit of hardwork today! And I found this place.. I wanted to show you a little later, but seems like you found me." He smiles a bit at your reaction, taking your hand into his as he stares at you with a surprisingly soft gaze. You don't even notice until theres a warmth around your palm, and you look up at him, mirroring his smile with your own.
"Something tells me here's a reason you wanted to show me later." You raise a brow, and he uses his other hand to scratch the back of his neck. "Uh.. yeah. Yeah. (name), for the longest time, I've had a massive crush on you. And I wasn't sure how to tell you but, when I wanted to try, your smile left me breathless and I'd forget what to say like an idiot." He laughed at those memories, but you listened intently, ignoring how fast your heart was beating.
"I.. I can't, I feel the same but this is all so sudden and.."
You feel two large arms wrap around you securely, a sigh of relief out of Sampo's lips as he pulled away to look at you again. "That's okay. I can wait, I'll wait for as long as I need to." He was always so patient, so caring. Despite what others think, he really does care about people.
"It won't be a long wait, I promise."
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anistarrose · 2 months
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A while ago I saw a post that started out wishing Lilith's aroace identity got addressed onscreen, and I was like "yeah I totally agree, a voice acted stream reveal is many steps above 'some writer tweeting it after the show ends' but it would've still been far more exuberant and impactful to see it in the show." But then OP continued by saying there's nothing in Lilith's arc that reflects aromantic experiences, and look, I'm biased as the Lilith icon person, but like. Your experiences are not universal.
And... that's okay! My experiences aren't universal either. But as an aroace, I do have to say: Lilith does reflects one type of aroace experience, and that's the chronically ill aroace experience in particular.
It's the way that she's an adult who needs care from others, but first moves back in with her sister, and then moves back in with her parents, instead of moving in with or seeking out a romantic partner.
It's the way she grapples with independence and individualism, struggling to unravel "what she wants" from "what she needs in terms of support" and from "what society revolving around the Emperor's Coven has tricked her into conflating with self-worth".
It's the way she looks at her reflection and asks: "Am I broken?"
Not all aroaces are disabled and chronically ill. Not all aroaces have (or want) intense platonic friendships or close sibling relationships, and not are able to heal from trauma by living with their family. These are all arguments for more variety in aroace representation, to say nothing of a-spec representation as a whole — that just doesn't mean aroace characters with these traits don't represent anyone.
And this is also a chance to touch on a distinction that I feel isn't drawn often enough when talking about queer subtext of any form: I don't think Lilith, if you're only looking at the show itself, is a strongly or undeniably aroace-coded character. But she's absolutely a character whose arc is enhanced upon learning that she's aroace.
So don't get me wrong: I would like more than this. Lilith is like a baby step in terms of a-spec representation in animation — a meaningful step, but a small one. But for a series where each season except the first was heavily impacted (read: compressed) by the cancellation, and the unaffected first season was also the only one Lilith spent as an extremely polarizing villain, you can see how the crew could've gone in with extremely conscientious intentions and wound up having to make a tough call, right?
I don't even necessarily think they made the right call, I'm just willing to give them the benefit of the doubt that they tried. It feels like they put more than just some performative 30 seconds of thought into imagining how a disabled aroace with serious self-worth issues would interact with the world and improve herself — or, at least realized after some experience writing Lilith that being aroace fit her, and let that inform much of her Season 2 arc.
Like, maybe I'm personally extra desperate for disabled a-specs in media, but honestly? Lilith is a well-written one in all aspects but the lack of an onscreen "I've never felt attraction to someone" — and you don't have to agree with me, but I'll die on the hill that that all counts for something.
No hate to OP — if you know what post I'm vagueing about, be chill and normal about it, please. It's fine for some people not to feel represented, and put their thoughts out there — but it also seems that I, as a person who feels very represented, should put out some of my own thoughts for balance.
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AITA for asking my mother not to do certain things?
Let me start off by saying i'm homeschooled. I've been homeschooled my entire life. I don't have any friends offline, so I've pretty much come here to ask for outside opinions from my friend groups (online).
Prefer not to state ages, if that's okay. It makes me uncomfortable.
I have ocd, suspected autism, and either auditory processing disorder or misophonia (we're not sure which.) as well as a plethora of other issues. my mother is very aware that i have ocd (she has it herself) and i've mentioned misophonia to her several times. she doesn't know about my other mental issues, as for reasons you're probably going to see here, as i don't feel comfortable or safe telling her. (or, i've tried, and she doesn't listen, or tells me i'm "being dramatic.")
my ocd is quite crippling, to the point i've tried medication, herbal tea (chamomile seems to work a bit!), asking friends for advice, and even asking her for advice. as of the last year, it's had a grip on my life and has been quite a problem for me. i'm unable to do things i want or need to a lot, and especially struggle doing most things, even basic tasks. i'm unable to see a therapist/counsellor or psychologist/psychiatrist for personal/financial reasons.
a lot of my triggers (well, not exactly triggers for the ocd, but they stop me from doing things.) revolve around sound, especially people talking. whistling is a major trigger for my misophonia/apd, as are other high pitched noises.
my mother has a tendency to watch tv a lot, and i often ask her to not do this when i'm trying to do certain things, as it makes my ocd a bit worse, and it's often rather loud. (please note i wear headphones a lot of the time for sensory issues.)
however, when i ask her either to turn it down, pause it temporarily, or ask her to turn it off for a bit, she has a tendency to get mad/upset. to the point of throwing a bit of a fit over it, in a way that to me seems a bit attention seeking (in the bad way). she says things like "fine, whatever." and flaps her arms about dramatically or slaps her legs, or she says "i don't even wanna watch it now, it's ruined."
i'll go ahead and say she's a bit self-centered in a lot of ways. for years she has said i've "targeted" her and "treated her terribly" even though any time i was (to her) doing these things, i was usually defending myself or telling her to do something that she needed to do that had been requested for days/weeks/months/sometimes years. i also have a tendency to ask her what she's doing, either out of genuine curiosity, or because she has done something strange to me that i didn't understand. which she gets mad over.
she also gets mad if i ask if she's coming over here (i have a tendency to walk/pace in certain areas to music, it helps with stress/adhd/also helps me write/act things out. she is very aware of this and this isn't really a problem.) or ask how long she will be over here. she seems to think me asking this is telling her she can't come over, or desperately trying to get her to move. admittedly sometimes i DO want her to move, but 90% of the time i am just asking so i know if i need to move to a different area to walk or just stop temporarily.
sometimes when i am having a particular peak in my ocd/anxiety/whatever else, i ask her not to talk for a moment/few minutes, either so i can do something i need to, or because i'm afraid it will make it worse. she'll either get mad about this, or go on a tangent about "not catering to me" and saying things "the real world doesn't work like this, and nobody cares that you have ocd/issues." she has a tendency to take my issues as a personal attack on her, when in reality i would ask anyone to stop for a moment.
she has a tendency to belittle me in a sense for it. i've tried to explain some of it to her (without revealing details of my trauma she doesn't know about, as most of my ocd is linked to severe ptsd.) and she says it "doesn't make any sense" and i "need to stop" and i "need to just make myself stop." she has ocd, and knows compulsions are not always rational, and yet still says these things.
part of my desire not to go to a therapist is because of her. she claims they will either try to put me away take me to another home/put me in foster care, or drug me up on medication that will make me dull. (the other part is more personal, and unrelated to her, but to my aforementioned trauma.)
one of the things i especially ask her not to do is whistle, or make a few other certain noises (eating loud, using nail files around me, etc) because they are especially triggering to me. she'll either blatantly refuse and say i "don't get to tell her what to do" or i don't "control her" (please note i am just asking, but when i DO specifically tell her to stop, it is because she either already knows this sound is triggering to me, or i've already asked, and i'm losing my patience.) or she'll do it louder/more just to trigger me further (my father also does this. sometimes as a joke which in some ways is worse.) or she'll go on the "not catering + nobody cares" tangent again.
i know my ocd and other issues can be a bit interrupting, but i don't ask huge things of her or anyone else. all i ask is for them to not make certain sounds around me, temporarily ask them to not do something/stop doing something, or ask them to do it a bit quieter for me. please note she has the ability to watch tv/videos on other devices with headphones easily, she just chooses not to. and worse of all, they treat it like it's not interrupting to me, when it affects my everyday life in ways far worse than asking/telling them not to do something.
it makes me feel unwanted and unappreciated, and i'll admit, i've contemplated....not existing, if you will, many times over this issue and others.
i just don't really know if i'm asking too much, or if they're just being shitty. i want outside opinions on this.
so, AITA?
(id put a tl;dr in here, but i don't really know what to put. feel free to do it for me. also, i know this was kinda long, but i needed to put some extra things in, sorry if thats like an inconvenience or anything!)
(adding my sideblog here so i can get notifs, @ocdaitathrowaway)
What are these acronyms?
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ttrpgcafe · 7 months
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HOLY SHIT INVISIBLE SUN IS COMING BACK AND IT'S MY FAVORITE RPG OF ALL TIME PLEASE BACK IT SO I (or we, I guess) CAN GET THE WELLSPRING:
https://www.backerkit.com/c/projects/monte-cook-games/invisible-sun-return-of-the-black-cube#top
For those of you unfamiliar with Invisible Sun, it's an rpg where every single player is a spell caster of some variety, each with their own unique way of interacting with magic.
The Vances are the most traditional spellcasters, but they eschew spell lists in favor of literally filling a grid with spell cards, representing their limited cognitive space being taken up by spells. They get more space, and literally bigger spells as you progress.
Weavers take two concepts and combine them to produce an effect, very much like Ars Magica or Mage: The Ascension, if you're familiar with those. They get the ability to combine more concepts together, and to have mastery over more concepts as they progress.
Makers are this game's artificer, and they have a robust system for making quirky magic items that have fun, interesting, unique side effects or downsides every time you use them. Their progression is the most straight forward by the numbers "the things you make are more powerful and you're better at making them" of the bunch, but the system lets you, for instance, make a gun out of the body of a dead(?) god, so I'll give this a pass.
Lastly, there are the Goetics, who summon and bind otherworldly creatures to their wills. This takes the form of a conversation and negotiation with your GM over what you have to do for your bound creature, and what exactly they do for you in exchange. If you've ever played a warlock and felt like patrons weren't a big enough deal, this is an entire "class" that lets those relationships (yes, plural) take center stage.
The entire system feels very much like Cypher system 2.0, with a d10 dice pool system with a straight forward level of difficulty to hit, very much like the levels of difficulty in base cypher system, just made easier to manage. It even uses the "I'm an Adjective Noun who Verbs" character structure from Cypher system, here made much more interesting by the addition of a funky little xp system.
Invisible Sun has one of the most interesting advancement systems I've ever seen: aside from normal, average, "you do a thing, you get xp" system, here called "Acumen" (used to increase your stats and skills) there is a separate xp system related to good and bad things happening to your character, called "Joy" and "Despair" respectively. You combine one Joy with one Despair to get a "Crux" which is the xp currency you need to advance your class and focus abilities. This incentivizes players to not only let bad things happen to them, but to SEEK THEM OUT, which is huge! Players often think they want to win all the time, but they don't actually want that, it makes for a boring narrative. This is one of the very few systems I've seen incentivize this story structure, and I'm absolutely in love with it.
Lastly, because the game focuses so heavily on Magic, it has the only system for simulating the ebbs and flows of magic I've seen done well! This involves "The Path of Suns" and the "Sooth deck" which is the in game name for a specific pattern of laying out what amounts to tarot cards that make magic dynamic, interesting, and unpredictable in a way I've never seen before, and rarely since. (Pathfinder's Secrets of Magic is the only other supplement I can think of, and that was almost 5 years after this game came out)
Anyway, I can't recommend this game enough, the systems are unique, the vibes are immaculate, and it's so fuckin WEIRD in the best way.
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The importance of details
𖤐Hello everyone Kuronians𖤐
To day I would like to tell you about a very interesting frame that can be seen in the fourth season of Kuroshitsuji. This frame made me realise the importance of details and how much Yanuzza takes care of his work.
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As we can see, Ciel is in bed with the blanket covering him a little below his shoulder. He looks relaxed and we can tell this state because of his relaxed hand.The problem, however, is that Ciel would never sleep like that. A child who has been through something as traumatic as Ciel's would certainly not feel relaxed and comfortable in a strange place and with strange people. Rather, he would unconsciously seek some sort of 'protection', something that would shield him from reality, because as stupid as it sounds, falling asleep is not easy. Closing your eyes and resting means that you are relaxing and that you feel safe in the place where you are.
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Yanuzza in the manga did not draw Ciel casually. First of all, the blanket covers him up to his shoulders, or rather, up to his neck, as if to shield him, to protect him from the outside, thus giving him the right reassurance. The hand is clenched into a fist, as if to indicate a certain rigidity due to the new situation he finds himself in.
When we sleep, we do not have control over our bodies, and precisely because of this, the positions in which we sleep can tell us a lot about ourselves because our bodies can reveal needs, fears and more.
The fact that Ciel sleeps in the fetal position is no coincidence, because people who sleep in this position often have a sort of unconscious desire to regress to childhood. Could this be the case for Ciel? Yes probably, considering that he was once happy. The point is not so much this but the fact that those who sleep in this position unconsciously seek protection. I find this last point very interesting indeed because it is precisely what Ciel lacked at the time....
Besides that, in the first volumes (Luxury Line arc) when we see Sebasian's memories, we can see the first night of the human cub at the mansion. He was completely wrapped up under the blankets (including his head) and if I remember correctly, this position is called the 'sarcophagus position' or a similar name that has to do with death anyway. It is not only a comforting position, but it really becomes a den, a safe place.
In the new season they have changed the position by unintentionally giving a new character to Ciel.Surely there will be people who think like me while others will say 'but it's just a frame'.
What do I think as a graphic designer studying at the Rainbow academy? (yes, the Winx) in the other animated series (excluding Atlantic) although the character design was immature (so much so that in certain scenes the characters from a distance had coloured dots as eyes) the details seem to me to have remained the same, but if it had been the other way round I would have turned a blind eye, after all the whole reflected the dark world of Kuroshitsuji. I certainly can't say the same about the new season since they changed both the colour palette and the character design.
For the umpteenth time since this new season came out, here I am again saying 'I am sorry that Yanuzza's work has been belittled' . I think that in order to understand certain things, one has to be 'in it', for example: to make my monogram and give it a story, I spent a good three months on it! Yes, three months for a monogram. As always, I'll be honest, I don't like the fact that she works her ass off for all these details (details that undoubtedly distinguish a story from one with dicks) details that are then not mentioned in the anime (not to mention the colours and other things because otherwise we'd be here a week)
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For example, see how the real Ciel. It is the exact opposite of the position of "Ciel. If the brother is insecure enough to seek protection with blankets, Ciel doesn't give a damn about blankets. That is a position of one who is not afraid of anyone, a position that suggests a certain self-confidence, something that was missing in 'Ciel's' position.
I hope you enjoyed this post that makes us reflect on the details of the manga, a work that deserves much more because of the themes it deals with and the luxurious pain it is imbued with.
If you are curious to see more of my posts, you can find me on IG as Kuroshiutsuji_itaru 😈
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youremyheaven · 2 months
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Ketu: Detachment & Connection
I thought I would expand more on the nature of Ketu in this post. Although both Rahu and Ketu are shadow planets (they are the north and south node of the moon) they experience this darkness very differently. Rahu seeks intense immersion in their experiences and seeks to absorb as much of their material realm (Rahu is the head) but Ketu is disconnected from this completely (Ketu being the headless torso) and even if they want to, they cannot immerse themselves in the material realm, they find it disorienting or simply feel disconnected from it all. Its meaningless to them.
The Ketu nakshatras are Ashwini, Magha & Mula
Ketu is in the darkness and to be Ketuvian is to be in a tunnel perpetually seeking the light. It can be a very uneasy energy to inhabit if imbalanced but this is why spirituality is so important to Ketu natives, they have to cultivate spiritual discipline if they are to peacefully embody this energy and find clarity in its detachment. Most people struggle with overattachment, so having this Ketuvian energy is a great starting point since you're already detached but grounding is very important as there is such a thing as being too detached or uncaring.
The Ketuvian struggle for connection reminds me of certain 8h themes and I think 8housers and Ketuvians have a lot in common in that regard. You need to have an intense kind of connection to feel anything at all, everything else feels kind of mild to your senses. Only intensity can wake you up and make you feel "awake" or "aware" as Ketuvians are sort of in this passive detached state otherwise.
I noticed many of these themes in Jungkook's solo songs. He is a Magha Moon and Mula Rising (he has such a puppy energy, it must be Mula's dog yoni hehe)
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I had mentioned in one of my previous posts that being heavily tatted (a full sleeve of tattoos or just being covered in tattoos) is a very Nodal thing to do because they're plunged in shadows and making a mark spiritually helps them feel more connected or because they have to indulge in the extremes of anything for it to feel impactful.
Jungkook has a song called "Still With You" released in 2020, widely considered a love letter to army. These are the English translation of some of its lyrics that I found correlating to his Ketuvian energy
"That faint voice of yours that grazed me Please call my name one more time I'm standing under the frozen light, but I'll walk step by step towards you Still with you
With no light in the darkroom I shouldn't get used to it But I'm used to it again The low-pitched sound of this air conditioner If I don't have this, I will fall apart We laugh together, we cry together I guess these simple feelings were everything to me"
Fame can be a very intoxicating and addictive experience for Nodal natives. Since they feel very disconnected otherwise, they experience connection when it is pouring in such a large or vast scale. But this sort of dependence on fame and fans can also be destabilising and unhealthy because you never know when it might all go away. Since fame is so fickle, its dangerous to rely on it to feel "connected". This is why soooo many Nodal natives who are celebrities are sooo often self-destructive. You keep chasing that high and you'll never feel satisfied, you can never fill the vacuum you have and the harder you try, the more empty you feel.
I don't say any of this to be discouraging, im only trying to point out the emotional expectations we place upon certain experiences and even relationships and how it turns toxic and unhealthy when we do that. If we were to use another person to feel connected or tethered to the world, whilst it may work for us, they must feel very drained by being our anchor.
Jungkook has another demo called Decalcomania and the lyrics go like this:
When I see you smile in the screen You're good at everything You're just perfect Feels like I've never been you
Do you even see me? Do you know who I am? Or how do I look now? You don't like me like that
Come and tell me so much, you beautiful heart Oh, I'm gonna listen to you Please
All the numbers too big Can't get out of your game Oh, I want to paint it like you Please
I want to be your decalcomania I want you I want to be your decalcomania I want I want you
He is singing about himself and how he feels dissociated from himself. Fame can be a very dissociative experience for Ketu natives as their search for connection means they feel even more disconnected from the person they become to achieve this connection. Decalcomania refers to the process by which engravings are transferred to another surface (paper, pottery etc). It ties back to Ketu's need to be marked upon, they need something to make an impression on them, literally, because otherwise it does not feel real to them. Jungkook is asking himself to transfer the person he sees on screen to himself, so that he can embody the lightness and joy he sees on him.
Jungkook has another solo song called My Time in which he sings:
"24, feels like I became a grown-up faster than everyone else My life has been a movie, all the time I ran to where the sun rises every single night It's like I've been to someone's tomorrow The boy who found the world too big Keep on runnin' errday, pick the mic up Friends ridin' subway, I'll be in the aeroplane mode All over the world rock on, I made my own lotto But is it too fast? There are traces of losses Don't know what to do with, am I livin' this right? Why am I alone in a different time and space?"
Nodal natives (both Rahu & Ketu) regardless of whether they're child stars or not, have to grow up faster than others. This again makes them feel very disconnected from kids their age, you feel vv lonely.
Oh, I think I was in yesterday 'Cause everybody walk too fast I'm a little kid grown up not knowing it (Like a child who got lost) This got me oh just trippin’ It feels I'm roaming over Don't know what to do with, am I livin' this right? Why am I alone in a different time and space?
It feels confusing and disorienting to live a life that others cant relate to you. Immense wealth and fame can make you feel this way but Ketuvians feel this way in general. They look around them and they feel lost like everybody else is moving too fast.
"Sometimes when I'm gasping for air I wear my hat low and keep running Yeah, I don't gotta know where I go Even if it's opposite of sun One time for the present Two time for the past Happy that we met each other Now 'til the very end"
He's expressing his gratitude for everything even though it feels so alienating and confusing.
There is another song called Stay Alive in which he sings:
"그림잔 커져가지만 Although my shadow grows larger,
괜찮아 너란 큰 빛 덕분이니 It’s okay because it’s thanks to the great light that is you"
This is such a sincere explanation of what its like to be a Ketuvian in the limelight, he's thankful for having such a vast fanbase, the source of his "light" (remember that Ketu is in darkness and is always seeking light) but chasing this light means having to morph into somebody else/feeling disconnected from yourself which he succinctly expresses through the line "my shadow grows larger". Since Ketu is in perpetual darkness and is a shadow planet, it does not confront its shadow on its own. Its the seeking, the constant chasing for the light which they need that brings them to see their shadow.
Perhaps you feel very void and disconnected in general but you have a friend or a partner who makes you feel very tethered, through them you absorb their light but this also means you learn to look at yourself more clearly (Ketuvians are blind to their own nature) and this can be a very disconcerting and difficult experience if you've seldom ever felt "seen".
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Emma Watson, Ashwini Sun, Mula Moon
I remember reading this interview in like 2010 where she said that whilst doing red carpets for the last Harry Potter movies she would have these moments where she looked into the mirror and felt very disconnected from the person she saw.
She subsequently turned to yoga and meditation and is even a certified yoga instructor. She has also mentioned going on silent retreats.
Ketu natives truly find balance in their lives when they cultivate a spiritual practice and devote themselves to it. Emma has largely stayed out of the limelight in the last decade or so and will probably continue to do so, this is very Ketuvian again, these natives find social interactions, especially the kind of intensive press tour celebrity life to be very draining, they need to retreat and do things in a way that is "real" to them. Emma has spoken about taking a break from acting and working behind the scenes.
Jungkook deleted his IG despite having 40+ million followers and like most Ketu natives he is very private and has no social media. It does not feel natural or real to them.
In her British Vogue interview, Emma said,
"...Her characters have felt, at times, “much realer” than she was. “I’m just so glad that I did [step away from acting] because I have this feeling of having my own voice and creative space and sovereignty in some way that I don’t think I did before".
This time has allowed Watson to concentrate on her “inner scorecard” (how you feel about yourself on the inside), versus her “outer scorecard” (your outward success, as seen on social media, for example). “I get a front row seat [with] some of the most successful, beautiful, incredible people in the world,” she says of Hollywood’s inner sanctum. “And when you have that seat it becomes very, very clear that there is just absolutely no level of success that will make you in any way happy or content if you do not like who you are or enjoy what you’re doing when no one’s watching.”
All of this feels like evolved, balanced and mature Ketu energy.
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Miranda Kerr, Ashwini Sun
She is another person who I've always thought embodies a very healthy and evolved Ketuvian energy
Here's an excerpt from her interview:
“First, I try to do a little meditation and yoga, depending on how I feel. I've been meditating since I was 18. I've learnt Transcendental Meditation and Kriya Yoga Meditation, but sometimes I'm just too much in my head and so I need to put on an app. I use Insight Timer, which has different guided meditations, from a five- or 10-minute meditation or deeper ones which help if I can't sleep.
“Gratitude puts everything into perspective. The way that we speak to ourselves is really important, and to be aware to pull yourself up if you’re being self-critical and try and look at things in a positive way. For example, we can look outside and say, ‘oh my goodness, I can't believe it's raining’, or we can look outside and go, ‘well, it's cosy when it rains, I'd love to be inside and I get to wear my favourite scarf’ – we can switch our whole perspective on so many things. For me, waking up in the morning and thinking of at least three things I’m grateful for is so important. Just simple things like, ‘I’m grateful that we have fresh running water’.”
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Salma Hayek, Magha Rising
Salma has been practising meditation and yoga for decades and has said: “It’s actually feeling the energy,” she said. “It moves and it dances inside of you, different sensations and emotions. So I use a lot of the frequency machines.”
Hayek claimed that her meditation works wonders for her appearance. “Sometimes when I’m doing it, people tell me when I come out of the room, ‘Oh my god. You look 20 again,'" she said.
She also warned that if she stopped meditating, her face would suffer. “When I don’t do it for a while, guess what?” she said. “The face starts to drop and everything starts to drop.”
Spirituality comes easier for women than men imo and Ketuvian women are more likely to buy into all things spiritual like crystal cleansing, chakra reading and even other offbeat spiritual techniques.
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Gigi Hadid, Ashwini Sun & Rising
Gigi is another person who embodies really healthy Ketuvian energy
In her interviews, she always sounds very grounded and tethered. She said:
"I got pregnant and I really started to think about what I wanted after, when the world opened back up. (she got pregnant during covid) It kept coming back to just a more stabilized schedule where I’m not in a different country every week. This is very stabilizing. I have an office that I come to. I know everyone here. I don’t have to look a certain way to show up. It’s a different experience for me, and it was the right time because I was ready for that,” 
To realize what is causing you to feel unstable and deliberately manoeuvre your life to create that stability requires self-awareness and maturity.
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Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mula Moon
He has talked about how bodybuilding and building his physique really helped him feel connected to himself in a different way. I think this is an interesting manifestation of Ketu's disconnection and need to go to extremes to feel anything. Arnold's workout routine from his Mr World days is pretty insane, he worked harder than anybody else and was single-mindedly focused on it. Pushing yourself to such extremes and committing to it is difficult but those Ketuvians who can do so will benefit from it immensely.
Ketu is detached from the material realm. For a Ketu native that isn't tuned into their spiritual side, this can mean feeling disconnected in general but the blessings of retreating to spirituality, slowness, stillness etc means shifting to a version of life where you feel anchored within yourself without depending on anybody or anything to feel that way.
All of the people I mentioned above turned away from the spotlight or made choices to make their lives more grounded and stable and as a result they feel content and satiated. They are detached from the material realm but firmly tethered to the things that matter to them.
I just wanted to make a brief post about how Ketuvians embrace their shadows and how spirituality anchors them.
I hope this was insightful.
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aihoshiino · 2 months
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chapter 146 thoughts
This chapter (and thus this chapter review) contains discussion of abuse, suicidal ideation and CSA, so if you're not in the headspace for that, skip this one and I'll see you next time.
we are so oshi no back
After last chapter left me fighting for my life to come up with literally anything to say about it, this was one of those chapters where I ended up having more and more to say about it the more I turned it over in my head. It still feels a bit disjointed and has that same issue of ripping through the events of the movie way too fucking fast that the arc as a whole has been having lately but this chapter was such a breath of fresh air I can't bring myself to care.
The chapter itself is more or less split in two, with one half dedicated to 15 Year Lie's in-universe events and the other focusing a bit on Aqua and Kana for, tbh, the first time in way too long. Admittedly, my enthusiasm for 15YL has waned given the reveal of just how much of it is completely made up but like. I'm still gonna over analyze this stuff. Sunk cost fallacy, don't fail me now!!!!
I joke, but the 15YL section of this chapter was legitimately bone chilling. That barrage of cuts following Uehara's attack on Airi…. fuuuuuuuck, man.
Airi herself is pure fucking poison this chapter too and I mean it in the best way. I continue to be incredibly impressed with how OnK understands the motivations of a person like Airi what her abuse of Hikaru is really about. When discussing this in 141, Miyako points out just how often victims of abuse can themselves go on to perpetuate their own pain out of a need to try and regain their dignity, but I think what Airi seeks in her abuse of Hikaru is control. We see how often she wields her power over him while pretending that he has as much agency as she does in their """relationship""" and it's repeated here, too; she throws the results of her own sexual abuse of him in his face as a way of permanently chaining the two of them together, all while tearing down his worth as a person as if to 'prove' he deserves to be trapped in her grasp. I've said before that Akasaka is unsettlingly good at writing toxic mothers but I think Airi has made it pretty clear that Akasaka understands and is thus excellent at writing abuse and abusers in general, and for someone like me who counts that as one of their favourite Themes (tm) in fiction, I feel quite well fed.
The abuse Airi hurls at him is also interesting from a perspective of paralleling Hikaru even further with Ai. We saw snippets of this in 140, of Hikaru characterizing himself as someone desperately trying to construct a version of himself that can be loved by others the same way Ai creates 'Ai of B-Komachi', a version of herself who can give and receive love in the way she thinks her authentic self is unable to. Airi puts this into more explicit words; Hikaru must construct this fake version of himself because there is no 'real' him and thus, he is inherently unlovable. Jesus Christ.
Knowing those words were swimming around in his head, it makes the HKAI scene that follows even more of a gutpunch than it already is. It's the most wonderful kind of miscommunication tragedy - with their respective traumas, there is basically no other way a talk like that could have gone and yet it's agonizing to see it play out. Ai's innocent cruelty in the face of Hikaru's pain and her suffocating smile… the worst part is, while I completely understand why this was so shattering for Hikaru, it's impossible to miss that this was, in a way, an expression of love from Ai; it was honesty, an admission of vulnerability. She herself even says she doesn't want to lie to him. But to Hikaru, what else could that have sounded like but a confirmation of his most godawful fear?
that said. the timeline here is very confusing. this seems to imply hkai were still dating all the way up to the murder-suicide, which seemed to be just before the dome concert but did the breakup really seem that recent during their phone call?? this whole timeline is penised beyond repair.
The art in this chapter in general is incredibly good but something in particular I want to highlight is how much and how often Aqua-as-Hikaru looks like Ai in these panels. I can't put my finger on what it is, but that similarity always makes me feel so warm and sad whenever I see it. For as much as he struggles with his relationship to her, Aqua really is his mother's son through and through.
and. man. what even is there to say about that scene in the rain and everything that follows. I was't sure if the murder/suicide was going to be featured in the movie but even the brief snippet of it that we got and that barrage of scene titles and Kamiki's silent scream… whoof. shit like this makes me really hope we get to see mengo illustrate a horror manga someday because i think she would absolutely kill it.
We cut back to reality to see Aqua reading the script and in perhaps the most interesting swerve in this chapter, we see that he has once again reverted to his double black hoshigans. And uh, am I going to sound like a terrible person if I say I'm really glad for this? LOL.
Obviously I would rather Aqua not be experiencing Suicidal Ideation (Bass Boosted) 24/7, but it's kind of a relief to see that one single conversation wasn't enough to totally shake Aqua out of that headspace. I've talked a lot about how frustrating I find it that 'Ruby finds out Aqua is Gorou' is treated as the finale to her black hoshigan arc and every ongoing thread, internal and external, attached to it was dropped like a rock with no further interrogation. It robbed Ruby of the opportunity for some really important growth and, imo, was just shitty for Kana and Memcho who were treated extremely poorly by her and got no apology for it. I was really worried this would be the case for Aqua as well and that his own dip into that rancid headspace would end on a wet fart which would really sting given just how little insight we've gotten into him this arc. But this chapter makes it clear that while some cracks have started to form in his armor, he's not in the clear just yet.
i mean, even if he was permanently back to one white star, aqua is such a little freak regardless………………………….
What this means in the long term is a little hard to pin down, both because we've had so little insight into Aqua's headspace this arc and because the exact nature of black hoshigan as a symbol has always been a little Calvinballed, but in this context and for Aqua specifically, I think we can read this as his conviction in the messy endgame of his revenge play being shaken up. I, personally, have been reading the black hoshigan as of late as an expression of the sort of futureless despair that can become suicidal ideation, at least for Aqua; since immediately after Ai's death, we have gotten incredibly strong hints that Aqua is suicidal, his guilt-fueled desire to die and his desperate want to experience a happy future at war within him. He more or less explicitly says as such in 106, expressing that this break in their relationship is necessary for Ruby to be able to live on 'after he's gone' - which strongly implies that Aqua's revenge play is intended to end with his death.
Knowing that Ruby is Sarina wasn't quite enough to shake his conviction, but their talk in 143 was. I do think Ruby just giving him some straightforward affirmation was a good starting point but I also can't help but wonder, with the context that his white stars were not indicative of a permanent change, if hearing just how deeply Ruby still relies on 'Gorou's' presence in her life struck a nerve for him. Paraphrasing her from 143, she straight up says Gorou is the one who gives her life meaning. And if that's how it is, what exactly will happen if he's gone again..?
Obviously this is all still speculation because even when I am begging on hand and knee Akasaka is refusing to give us Aqua introspection but at this point I have to make a guess at SOMETHING if i am going to say anything remotely coherent about aqua in this arc, so
ANYWAY!! AQUA AND KANA HAVING A NORMAL ASS CONVERSATION FOR THE FIRST TIME IN GOD KNOWS HOW LONG!!! Ngl, it did give me a bit of a chuckle to see Kana voice the question of whether Aqua was getting too immersed in his role, given that people were accusing her of that back during the first round of the RBKN conflict.
I was also really surprised to see Aqua just outright say that yeah, he is at least flirting with suicidal ideation. Like - that's the first time he's said that out loud, to anybody??? In 143 he voices the less damning but still not great sentiment that he feels guilty for being alive but this is to my knowledge the first time Aqua has expressed his suicidal ideation out loud, let alone to anyone else. And… fuck, man! That's an absolutely terrifying thing to hear a friend say. No wonder Kana reacts like she does.
Because of my powers of Claire-voyance (read: basic pattern recognition and being in fandoms for 15+ years), I'm pretty sure people are going to be Very Mean to Kana about the way she chooses to respond to Aqua here but honestly? Not only did this tough love response feel very IC for her, but the clumsiness of it felt very honest to me. I think a lot of people in fandom lately just want characters to talk like fucking therapists all the time and have the Correct And Unproblematic Response to… well, situations like this. But Kana is an 18 year old girl who has her own share of issues and her friend she knows is dealing with his own huge amount of baggage just casually dropped an "i wanna kms" on her. All things considered, I think she handles it surprisingly well.
Because like… look at what Kana really says to Aqua here. She gives him some of their usual banter to diffuse the tension but then makes herself very clear: she does not want Aqua to hurt himself and makes him promise that he won't. It's clumsy and rough in the way Kana often is, but I think the important part - her sincere care for Aqua as her friend - really does shine through.
also cute that other people caught: Kana squishing Aqua's face seems to be an intentional callback to one of their on-stage interactions in Tokyo Blade, right down to Aqua making a identical scrunchyface to Kana. Extremely cute. I love it when Aqua is cute <3
Kana also being a person able to shake Aqua out of his black hoshigans also leans into something I've been hoping is going to pay off for a while now; the idea that Aqua's salvation is not going to come from any one, singular character but from the many different people who Aqua has built relationships with coming together when he needs them to support him. One of the things OnK has continually highlighted is the way isolation and lacking support systems warp and damage people's mental health and I think it would play excellently into that theme to have Aqua's support net, so to speak, to be wide enough to catch him no matter where he falls.
the product placement was very stupid but i did laugh pretty hard at it and then immediately go buy myself some potato chips so i guess it worked. genius mangaka aka akasaka.
All jokes aside, the note their talk ended off on was so lovely too. Aqua being honest enough to admit that being with Kana is fun and Kana getting all dokidoki and then quietly admitting she feels the same when she's alone… cute! But more than that, it highlights something about the AQKN dynamic I think is really important, regardless of whether their relationship is romantic, platonic, in laws, mlm/wlw hostility or whatever else; Kana is his friend and he can just be a normal boy and have normal fun with her without any ulterior motives. It's something Aqua doesn't really have in any of his other relationships so getting a reminder of that and what it means to Aqua was really good.
honestly i think i am just so starved of nice things happening to my son that seeing him opening up to one of his friends and admitting he has fun (HIS LAUGH!!!!!!) was like a shot of heavenly ambrosia for me. please can hoshino aqua have just one nice day.
OR UH… BASED ON THAT LAST PAGE…. PROBABLY NOT ANYTIME SOON….!!!
this is what i mean about this chapter giving me 5000000 things to talk about. kamiki is TALKING TO RUBY IN THE FLESH FOR THE FIRST TIME and i almost completely forgor.
why is he dressed like a dad about to take her out on a fishing trip, though
Ruby looks unusually solemn while she's praying, which is interesting. She's been pretty bright and high energy since 141ish so I'm curious what has her looking so comparatively dour. She's praying at a shrine, too, which means there's probably something on her mind. Nik (@akane-kurokawa) theorized that she's anxious about the upcoming scenes in the movie (LIKE, YOU KNOW, HER MOM'S DEATH) and until we get further insight on that, that's what I'm gonna assume too.
putting aside how Shrimptresting it is that Kamiki turned up out of nowhere like that, I can't help but note a certain horrible parallel between Uehara meeting young Hikaru in the rain with a black umbrella and Kamiki doing the same for his daughter…
cannot wait for that entire talk to get offscreened. lol.
break next week……………………………
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crystalelemental · 8 months
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Character Analysis - Carmine and Kieran
I have been trying to write something on this for the majority of the week and haven't been able to organize it in a way I like. So this will not be coherent, but since I've had my second go through the DLC story, I have...a lot more to say on Carmine and Kieran.
Seeking Strength Kieran's big focus by the end is on not being strong enough, and needing to become stronger than you. I think it's largely accepted that this is to defeat you, that he has it out for the protagonist. I disagree.
Consider why strength is important, and when it became clear. The first time Kieran mentions strength, it's in front of the ogre's cave. He talks about wanting to battle, thinking maybe that could impress the ogre. And he loses. Which is whatever, the ogre didn't show. But then it does. To you, and to his sister, but not to him. Internally, the connection is clear: the ogre doesn't trust me, because it sees me as weak.
This goes back even further, though. Think about your introduction to him. Carmine battles you to kick you out, and you win. Carmine's response here is interesting. She comments on everything, and actively makes fun of you if you use a not very effective attack, snarking that you must not know your type matchups after all. She oozes confidence and control, to excess. But when she loses, there's a bit of a fist shake, but rather than anger, she turns away and looks...sad. Losing upsets her, and while she bounces back, that moment suggests a deeper vulnerability and need to seem strong.
And to Kieran, she does. She's constantly in control, and by and large, he seems to follow her pace. If she asks him to do something, and by asks I mean tells, he generally follows through. And he saw someone beat her. There's someone stronger than his sister now. And that's interesting. I think there's a lot more to it, but I'll save that for a later section. For now, the point is, Kieran's always been focused on strength, because he admires Carmine's strength, and wants to be more like that.
I think this recontextualizes your final fight a bit, too. Carmine tells Kieran that he can't make Ogerpon go with him, she has her own will to choose. Kieran still insists he needs this battle, and it seems like the perception of this is "he's ignoring it." But I don't think he is. At this point, he's lost multiple times, each time thinking it's his lack of strength that resulted in him not getting what he wanted. It was, at first, to meet and befriend the ogre. And yeah, he'd still like to. He's still trying, given the stipulations of the fight. But he's also fighting for his sense of self-worth. He feels he's not strong enough, and that lack of strength is holding him back. He's seen his sister lose twice now, yet she's still confident. But he lost, and feels like he's losing more of what little he had to start with.
Belonging and Isolation Carmine's hostility toward outsiders is, as expressed, a matter of feeling like her hometown is becoming a tourist trap. I think what often gets missed in this is that Carmine herself is...fairly traditional. She cares about the customs of the village, the sanctity of the crystal pool, and the prominence of the Loyal Three. She even remarks that obviously she likes the three better, Kieran just likes the ogre because he's a ten year old boy and they're always into weird monster things. She considers integration with the village something important, and deep down, cares about it as a whole.
That's not to say she gets along with everyone. The Caretaker seems more than happy to make the conversion if it helps the town thrive, and Carmine actively disagrees with that. Her hostility is clear to us, and she makes her reason known, but it's not clear how much the villagers seem to understand this. They tend to treat Carmine's responses as part of an attitude problem, more than anything. The Caretaker is pre-emptive in calling out Carmine to get along with everyone. They know she's not happy about it, but expect her to just deal with it, and kinda treat her like they expect problems. Calling them the "Lousy Three" gets an almost exasperated comment about her attitude and a correction, like they fully expect her to be this way, and don't consider the why behind it.
By contrast, Kieran...successfully talks them into abandoning their ancient beliefs and understanding of the past in the course of a single afternoon.
For all the emphasis on Kieran seeming lonely, and I do believe he himself feels that way, Kieran...seems pretty well accepted by people. Think about how significant it is that they're willing to listen to him, with such seriousness, that they'll believe him when he says their understanding of history is wrong.
I think this plays into an interesting dichotomy with the siblings. On the one hand, Kieran is pretty well accepted, but genuinely lonely. On the other, Carmine seems perfectly fine being by herself, and doesn't seem to interface well with the others. But when you look at what they want? Kieran doesn't seem to care that he runs contrary to everything the village stands for. The ogre is cool, he likes that best, and sees little of interest or value in the three. He doesn't really care to integrate with the village. But Carmine does care, and isn't successful at it. By all accounts, she doesn't seem to have friends either. But when a new kid rolls in, and her brother takes an interest in them, she still focuses on him first.
Justice and Fairness Carmine is, at her core, pretty focused on what's right. Despite being more aligned with tradition in her village, when her grandfather reveals the truth, she's immediately furious on Ogerpon's behalf. She has no reservations about telling the rest of the village, until he appeals to her sense of reason, and she understands where the concern might be.
Carmine's reactive, but she's not a fool. She's pretty grounded, but in that way where I think it causes her to miss some things and seem unconcerned with feelings. But she does care about how people feel; quite a bit, really. When Kieran tries to give his ogre mask to you, Carmine intervenes and tells him not to. That's his favorite mask, and he shouldn't have to go without. Besides, practically speaking, we just buy the new kid a mask they like at the festival. It's pragmatic. But it also misses that Kieran was okay with sharing his mask for his friend. She cares about his feelings, enough to worry about him giving up something he cares about. But it's in a more...avoidant sense. More on that later.
By contrast, Kieran seems focused more on fairness. It doesn't matter the reason or intent, you left him out of what you knew. You didn't tell him about the ogre. You ran off with Carmine and pushed him aside, and that's not fair. He was your friend first, and he cared about the ogre first, and it isn't fair that suddenly that all doesn't matter. In that sense, he's very emotional, but doesn't really consider the rational cause of things. It's all about how he feels. This runs very counter to how Carmine is, being very emotional, but focusing more on the practical reason than how she's feeling.
I think you can also see this in how they express themselves. Kieran has no trouble opening up the instant you're on your own with him. He'll tell you all about how he thinks the ogre is cool, and that he was only scared of getting yelled at for going to the mountain. But Carmine legitimately struggles with it. She has a tough time being honest with people, and her sense of what being mean to someone is, boils down to "I didn't hit him." It's as if she doesn't really understand that her words can hurt people, or perhaps why someone would be hurt by them. The idea of "What you're saying was rude" is secondary to the practical outcome. If it's true, it doesn't matter how I say it. If it's what has to happen, it doesn't matter that it comes out as "Kiki, get out of here." Her mentality seems to be that she knows best, and is going to act on that, and there's no reason for people to be upset with her if she's right.
Sibling's Bond In one of the earliest scenes, we get a very good sense for the dynamic the siblings have. Kieran has taken an interest in the player, but barely speaks to them, turning his face away and not even listening to them. Carmine intervenes by explaining what he's thinking and asking for you to battle on his behalf. Kieran shies away, Carmine takes control, and Kieran is more than willing to cede that control to her. In this situation, it works out, as he gets to spend time with a new friend. It is the first, and only, time this dynamic works in their favor.
Every other instance of this particular dynamic coming into play hurts more than helps. When Carmine interrupts you talking about the ogre, and insists Kieran not find out, that's her assuming control like usual. Same with telling him to just leave the next morning. Kieran shies away from staying to help with the mask quest, rather than confront that someone else gets along better with Ogerpon. This is a dynamic they've had for a long while, and there is evidence to prove it.
"I hate when he gets like this." Carmine's clearly annoyed, but the phrasing evokes the sense that this isn't just something that happened before, it's happened often. And she's not happy about it. Kieran running off crying is the only time she really expresses anything truly negative about her brother, and it's telling of what she herself can't handle.
If Kieran's crying, it's because something's bothered him, and as the one who takes care of him, that feels like it's her fault. I talked about how Carmine is integrated with the beliefs of the village, if not its people, but there's a bit more to it. Carmine's generally apathetic about whether people like her, she's more concerned with being right, and doing right. Carmine cares about being a good person. And if her brother's throwing a fit, it's putting her in the position of the bad guy, and criticisms about being nice to him evoke an outrage. "It's not like I hit him" isn't just telling of her lack of awareness for how her words come across, it's indignation that her grandfather is implying she's at fault. Kieran crying is the one thing that she cannot tolerate.
And for Kieran, that makes it a very effective play. Because I keep going, I need to be clear: I am not saying Kieran is being manipulative. He's like ten, and highly emotional. He's not sitting around thinking that if he just cries, Carmine will do whatever he wants. He's just having an emotion, and Carmine has a reaction. It's the dynamic that turns this into a recurring feature of their relationship.
The behavioral term is Negative Reinforcement: an outcome that increases the chance of the behavior occurring in the future, by removing an aversive stimulus. When Kieran wants something, and it doesn't happen, he'll get emotional and cry. Carmine, feeling guilty or responsible, folds to make him stop. The initial aversive - not getting what he wants - is removed as a consequence of his crying, making it more likely to occur again. But the same is true for Carmine. She cannot stand that crying, so when she gives in, the crying stops, reinforcing capitulation.
It's a situation where neither is really at fault. They're both kids, and have that sibling dynamic. Older siblings take care of the younger ones. When you have an older sibling who feels responsible for the wellbeing of the younger, and cares deeply about taking care of them without knowing the difference between "helping them do it" and "doing it for them," you get Carmine. When you have a younger sibling who is particularly emotional and withdrawn alongside them, you get Kieran.
And the DLC is the breakdown of this dynamic.
Another really fun behavioral term: Extinction Burst. Extinction refers to when reinforcement is removed as a consequence of a behavior. Effectively, you decouple the behavior and what typically happens. An extinction burst is the oft emotional blowup that comes as a result of a behavior no longer meeting its typical, expected reinforcer. Think about when your computer won't turn on. How many times mashing the button does it take before you check the power cord? Do you stay calm during that or start cursing it out, maybe worrying that something's broken and desperately hoping it turns on if you just hit it right, or hold it long enough? That's the extinction burst in play.
That's what's going on with Kieran. He's finding his independence, but as part of that, he's learning what it means to have it. Sometimes things don't go your way, and you have to live with that. Even crying won't get the situation to change now, and he...hasn't figured out what else to do. Unintentionally, by handling things for him, Carmine's left him in a situation where he's unequipped to manage circumstance. All he can think is pushing for strength, and battling you over and over and over in hopes that this time, he'll win.
By contrast, Carmine's doing...really well. She adapts well, makes quick friends with the player as well, assumes a sort of leadership role in the quest, and demonstrates the reality that for all her bluster, she does care and is fairly well adjusted. She's had the experience to manage frustrations and setbacks, even if they're difficult, to the point that by the end of your last battle, she can earnestly smile and congratulate you. Her dynamic with you is thriving. And, for a while, your dynamic with Kieran was too, before his perception of inadequacy interferes. It's sad but worth noting: the happiest we see either of them is when they're away from each other.
I don't have any profound thoughts beyond this, nor guesses to how Indigo Disk might play out. But I think it's interesting how they managed to create a story with a compelling conflict, where these is no true "bad guy." I was initially kinda down on the DLC, I felt like the legendary stuff was kinda bland. But I've really come around on these two, and look forward to the next part.
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ventitititi · 1 year
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HEY THERE!!!!
Sooo, I was thinking and wanna know your thoughts about what are genshin men insecure about their bodies? Scars, height, weight, colors, shapes etc etc (sfw and/or nsfw)
What does their s/o unintentionally do that reassures them?
My personal favorites are Tighnari, Kaveh and Diluc. But feel free to choose whoever you want!!!
Thanks a lot!! 💕
Oh my goodness this is cute!! Of course I'll do all the boys mentioned<33 spare me for kaveh and tighnari, its my first time writing them😭 i hope you enjoy! Short and sweet<33
Cw/tw: nsfw mentions, Scars, trauma, insecurities
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Tighnari
- i imagine he has scars left after being struck by lightning, and that he can be self concious of them
- i think he may also sometimes be a little insecure about his height, since he's rather short
- you pressing kisses to the edges of his scars that peek out often remind him that the marks don't bother you
- honestly, i personally think lightning scars are quite pretty, aside from the painful reminder they can serve. If you ever off handedly mention that, perhaps the morning after while tracing them, i think his cheeks would be positively glowing as he processed they didn't impact your view of him
- on his height, I don't think its something that would truly bother him much, but he'd definitely be internally happy about grabbing things from higher shelves for you
- unfortunate side effect if your both short: you now need a tall friend to reach the uppermost cupboards, a foot stool, or just plain not use them
Kaveh
- all i know is that he gives pretty boyfriend vibes
- he might be tall, and buff from swinging around the claymore, but mans enjoys his self-care
-probably a bit insecure about the scars/callouses littering his hands from time spent training
- also from what i know of him, which is VERY little, i get the impression he cares about how others view him, and can be sensitive about his outward appearance
- will be beyond happy to hear any compliments you give him, regardless of if they're about his appearance or something else
- when it comes to you telling him how pretty/attractive he is though, the words soothe any small anxieties he might have about himself
- headcanon that he's rather pale for a sumeru citizen due to him spending so much time indoors drafting blueprints and such, and may also find this to be an insecurity
- it's hard to not quite fit in, i dunno how you would soothe this worry unintentionally but if you reassure him when he voices them, I'm pretty sure you'd be stuck with him forever
Diluc
-another pale boi™, but this time because he's largely nocturnal
- probably secretly worries he'd intimidate you tbh, like he's rather tall & buff and he knows he can have a grumpy expression unintentionally
-or maybe worry about accidentally hurting you (*cough* trauma *cough*)
- smiles a little whenever you come up excitedly to show him something, you being so happy to seek him out reassures him that no, he didn't scare you (especially not, judging by that flower crown you'd placed on his head once)
- prefers to give compliments imo, but is secretly pleased whenever you voice how attractive/pretty/handsome he is (probably gloats about it a little tbh lol)
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